#I feel like tech would too but to a lesser extent

[here-comes-the-moose]

Since I get a lot of my Bad Batch thoughts from my own family and friends and how we act, I thought I would share the latest thought I had.

I feel like Crosshair would make jokes about his trauma and mental issues, and Hunter would respond to this by saying “you shouldn’t joke about that, Cross” and would have that look that he does that’s a mix of sad and sympathetic.

Echo, on the other hand, is absolutely DYING at the joke and is occasionally brought to tears from laughing so hard.

[axiian19-art]

Was rewatching some of the HSR animations and HE LOOKS SO GODDAMN HAPPY HERE AS AN OLD MAN HELP

rambling about blade / yingxing headcanons and ideas that I've thought abt or seen floating around

(his white hair, him not knowing what tech is, how the Mara permanently messed up his hands and muscle memory so he can't do what he loved anymore, etc etc)

Headcanon #1: white hair

Everyone except Dan Feng had white hair, and I'm p sure I mentioned this before but imagine

So Yingxing is the only short-life species right, and he's getting old and noticing it and realizing that compared to the others, he doesn't have much time left

And one of the others notices how melancholy he is, and how he's trying to hide it for their sake, and is like "hmm," before being like "hey what if we all got white hair but didn't tell Dan Feng"

And all of them know it's to make Yingxing feel less alone, but it's played off as a "hehe pranking Dan Feng" moment

Headcanon #2: old man blade not knowing how tech works

We see this a bit with current Blade and Silver Wolf, but I like to imagine it was still part of his personality to a lesser extent

He would have been the "old guy" of the group who was an expert with traditional crafts and technology, but not so much with newer things since he preferred to make things "the old way" or by hand, since it made him feel more connected with his work

Like, he would have kept up with the newer stuff being made and used it if it would have helped him with his work, but wouldn't have bothered with stuff like phones, computers, the internet, etc

So the others would always ask him for help with anything they broke, and he'd ask for help with anything internet or computer related

Headcanon #3: him knowing how to craft stuff besides weapons, armor, et cetera

This is a stretch but if his skills expanded beyond just weapons and armor he could probably help fix everyone's clothes (they'd probably get torn up in battle) or make little hand-made gifts and stuff like statues and jewelry and armor and cutlery

Like he also would have been an artist specializing in handmade things, but no one would have suspected him of making such tiny and delicate things until they got to know him

Headcanon #4:

So as Blade, he still has damaged hands and scars, and I've seen a headcanon of sorts floating around that the Mara focuses only on the wounds that need the most urgent healing, and leaves "minor" or less severe wounds unhealed

And the Mara would have focused on all the fatal wounds Jingliu inflicted while killing Blade, leaving other wounds to heal improperly

So now as Blade, his hands are too damaged to perform fine crafts and movements, except for swordplay, which he sort of got beaten into him by Jingliu

My other headcanon of sorts is that the Mara messed with his muscle memory, not just his ability to remember events

So his mind and nervous system are essentially too scrambled for him to learn any type of craft or fine motor skill except for swordplay (and maybe driving)

And I kind of feel like he would find some peace if he were still able to make things, sort of like how some people use embroidery or weaving or drawing as a coping method / escapism, but even that form of art / self expression has been taken from him

It'd be like if Robin permanently lost the ability to sing or if Serval suddenly became tone-deaf and couldn't play guitar

[nitewrighter]

On the (continued) topic of Spidey in DC, if I can be a bit crass with the subject matter... how many DC heroines (or DC villainesses, if you want to dip your toes in that puddle) do you think would find Peter/Spidey genuinely attractive as a person, even if they might not actually get to see his face? Not to step on Gwen or MJ's toes or anything but I feel like a lot of DC ladies would see that prime real estate and want in on that property, iykwim.

I just feel like there'd be, on more than one occasion, moments where a few random lady members of the League would absolutely play a few rounds of FMK if bored enough, Spider-Man would be among the choices, and it's usually F or M, but almost never K for the webslinger.

Honestly Spider-Man's like a brother to me, and a kid brother at that (...maybe because he's my younger brother's favorite superhero...), so beyond MJ (and to a much lesser extent Deadpool), I never really 'got' the concept of Spidey as the Marvel Comics Community Bicycle. He talks too much, and when he's put next to other heroes, it very quickly becomes "talks too much because he's self-conscious," so like, he's relatable to me, absolutely, but he's never really been that much of a romantic lead in my head. He's too much of the narrative's chew toy to be that, so like... you do have some overlap with Jimmy Olsen in that respect.

That being said, if I had to pick like... potential DC characters that would be into him, I'd say definitely Misa, my deep-cut fave from the 90's Superman comics that everyone has forgotten about. She has a fun tech-hippie look. She's obnoxious, she likes to cause problems on purpose--but deep down she's actually surprisingly well-meaning and very supportive of other characters going through really sloppy points in their own character arcs. She can be delightful fun in that "Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go apeshit?" sense that I think would be a good contrast to Spidey. On top of that, they both have a passion for gadgetry! I'd love to see her tinker with his spider-suit capabilities! This, again, is Spidey moving into Jimmy Olsen's territory, because Misa was also a romantic interest for Jimmy Olsen for a handful of issues.

Again, I'd also like to see Spidey get sucked into the Forever People polycule. There's no escape. Just osmose him in.

I should probably try and veer this to more recognizable names, but I could also see 20-something Spider-Man getting with a Green Lantern. Either Kyle Rayner or Jessica Cruz. The mainstream Justice League I largely see perceiving Spider-Man as pretty much a kid. Zatanna could be a fun option, and also versatile depending on like, what level-of-maturity Spidey you want to work with.

OHH DONNA TROY OR CASSANDRA CAIN. WOMEN WHO WILL ELBOW-DROP HIM AND HE'LL THANK THEM FOR IT. Guy who goes "Hiiiii" and girl who goes "Bruh" power couples.

Blonde Twink stick-in-the-mud Brainiac-5 is an option, too. Someone to be geeky with but who is also kind of a bitch to offset your obnoxiousness. (Give him back his looong haaaaair).

Also I don't know if this would be shippy, but I would be interested in seeing him interact with Raven. Just the combination of Hope/Despair/Crushing Responsibility/Empathy would be very interesting to watch.

[ontologicalshock]

Guanine, Adenine, Thymine, Cytosine

Gattaca is one of those movies I think will always be remembered fondly, and I don't get exactly why.

I love sci-fi, and I love the dystopian atmospheres some of those movies lay down for us, and how they can feel realistic yet very hard to grasp.

This 1997 underdog was always going to be a hard sell at the awards, especially with Titanic, As Good as It Gets or Good Will Hunting breathing down its neck, so it is no surprise that it went basically unnoticed.

The 1930's source material, the book A Brave New World, is an interesting piece of literature, especially when one realizes it was published 60+ years before, and the base concept is there, a society where newborns are genetically engineered for quality-enhancement purposes, natural childbirth therefore is considered inferior and the resulting adult individuals are forever stuck with lesser, blue-collar-esque jobs. A life sentence they cannot escape.

After a rewatch this week, I got the sense that Gattaca falls short on some aspects:

it is never convincing enough as the "future", it feels instead like an alternate reality. I love classic cars, but the production crew chose not to change anything other than the sound they made, hinting at some sort of alternate (sustainable?) fuel source, therefore we end up with a human race capable of genetically engineering human beings to the bone, but they still produce cars with 60's tech, for me, it was hard to make sense of it, which is a shame since "futuristic" movies tend to age very badly but Gattaca manages to curb that by not being too ambitious (well, the low 32M budget was also a factor I am sure). The clothing was also very "normal", sometimes we could mistake it for a 30's black and white movie about the mob... was that the point all along?

There is never enough background on the inner workings of that society. Just like in post-apocalyptic stories, I would have liked to understand more about what led to it, what led them to believe that this was the way to go, after all nowadays discrimination raises all kinds of serious issues, was it a peaceful transition after acquiring the necessary knowledge? All those "inferior" beings never tried to change things? At the end of the day I can digest wild ideas much more easily if the path to them feels at least logical, on the other hand if one just comes up with stuff, well, everything is possible if we turn off the logical switch;

although narrated movies always feel that little bit more special, this movie sometimes feels like it doesn't know how to capitalize on it, and thus the timing, and the frequency felt off to me;

one of the big reveals, even though I am not the best at figuring twists out, was played so casually that I felt almost nothing, which leads me to say that, to a certain extent, I think the movie lacked a bit more drama.

What did I like?

well, it's sci-fi, so it has interesting approaches to the reality the characters live in. The minimalistic aesthetic and the use of colour are very appealing and even beautiful at times. Good cinematography;

Hawke but especially Law deliver solid performances, Thurman though is bland, and uninteresting, I could not care less whatever could happen to her, I guess I can apologize her because she was playing the part of a true member of the elite... but then again, so was Law... maybe Law was not taking Soma, and she was... was that completely clear in the movie though? Was Soma even introduced as "a thing"? It is mentioned often in the book...;

the soundtrack, though slightly repetitive, is delicate and dramatic, it fits very well on the overall minimalistic aesthetic.

After the credits roll I recognize the potential, the thought-provoking, deeply philosophical ideas about how biological perfection can't hold a candle against will power and spirit, are all there, but with a modern budget, it would be world I would like to visit again, with a bit more heft and a little less minimalism.

[littlestarxmilkyway]

I wanted to read some more opinions and just see what the EN fandom consensus on Emerald Beyond is looking like, and I don't know what to think.

Someone had a good personal review of sorts, and they pretty much voiced my thoughts and really nailed down some of what was bugging me, but I couldn't quite figure out. And someone else who felt similarly disappointed in EB likened it to "baby's first SaGa." And I don't remember if I said it here before, but I really feel that way about this game, but they didn't actually accomplish that. It feels like they wanted this game to be for newbies when it comes to the battle system, but everything else about the game is too weak to sell it to newbies, and the site reviews I see always say it's great for series vets but a hard sell for newbies, and I agree to an extent but also find that terrible. If this was supposed to highlight the series' highs, it failed, but it certainly showcases the lows.

The initial commenter mentioned the graphics and budget, and I'm actually very pressed about the art direction for this game. I don't even think the graphics are atrocious, but the character models are so boring and drab, they tell me nothing of the world and do nothing interesting. A handful of the party/playable characters are interesting and that's it. How did they reuse assets from SSG and still not come out as impressive? Even compared to older games, at least there was better diversity in designs of NPCs, but they're so boring here.

And I can't stop comparing it to older games in terms of how boring and unengaging the storylines are to me. That's combined with the world being so boring because of the choices being so empty most of the time, and I'm glad others felt that way too. They tried to hype it up as "free choice" and "open world," but it's actually so frustratingly linear. And I hate that the choices rarely make a difference, sometimes even within one playthrough. Often, it's just a choice of "do you battle right now or not," and that's silly. And it bugs me that people accept that, or are just being ignorant about what lackluster treatment they're being given.

Emerald Beyond really is fun at times. I love Diva, Formina, Bonnie and Siugnas. But the game as a whole is just so dry. I don't get how they back-tracked so hard from SSG? Or even Frontier, which is decades older and on lesser tech. I really think there were other ways to go, and it's sad that devs can't find a better middle-ground.

Like, would we really have lost much if we count down the amount of worlds, made them more fleshed out individually in terms of graphics/presentation and given more interaction? We couldn't have Frontier with fewer worlds and slightly upgraded models? I really do wonder what the budget for the game looked like, but also the team and what resources they were given. Is the game like this because of lack of planning, or is it that they really weren't given a budget to work with? It's sad because either way, it has hurt the sales and probably, has hurt the future of the series. I like EB well enough, but I don't love it, and I think I'd rather waited for a better game than take EB as it is.

[moorishflower]

Hi, Heather! I hope the New Year is treating you well :D Just as a heads up—this ask contains a question about sexual assault as it pertains to the Corinthian in Wings, so if you do answer, please feel free to do so in whatever way you’re most comfortable with, for yourself and for your blog! Also so sorry tumblr is making me split this into several parts, cries T_T

Okay question! A friend and I were talking about Wings yesterday over shaved ice and we both thought that the Corinthian’s role was perhaps a Circe parallel? Or maybe a Calypso parallel, since her and Odysseus’s interactions in the epic can also be interpreted as sexual assault (re: Odysseus’s entrapment on her island, and only being able to leave until Hermes (Dream?) comes to free him/let him know he’s free to leave). (2/4)

I was also trying to fit Eleanor’s role in there somewhere, perhaps as Nausicaa? Eleanor/Hob’s first meeting gave me similar vibes as Odysseus/Nausicaa’s, with both Hob and Odysseus kinda popping up outta nowhere and their appearances being very distinctive (although Hob, thankfully, was not naked LMAO I think that would’ve been a bit much for poor Eleanor XD). (3/4)

All of this, of course, assuming Hob is playing Odysseus’s role at these points, which I know often switches in Wings (and quite brilliantly!) But anyway, would love to hear your thoughts on this, if any! :3 Thanks so much again for sharing this delight of a story <3 (4/4)

Hello friend! I've just copied over all your asks so that I don't bombard you all with them one at a time <3 No need to apologize!

So first thing's first is that the notion that my fic is being discussed between multiple people in meatspace over tasty frozen treats is THE most tickling and wonderful thing I have heard this week, I am enamored, I love it and I am SO grateful that Wings has generated enough interest in the meta of it to be DISCUSSED <3

So the Corinthian is, first and foremost, a parallel to Polyphemus! To a slightly lesser extent he is also a reference to all the times that yeah, Odysseus ends up trapped on an island because of the ~wiles~ of a sorceress/nymph/whatever, but there's an absolutely wonderful line in the A.T. Murray translation of The Odyssey which is "For he was fashioned a wondrous monster, and was not like a man that lives by bread, but like a wooded peak of lofty mountains, which stands out to view alone, apart from the rest." Polyphemus is the monstrous son of Poseidon, so we already have the parallel there between Corinthian and Dream, created/creator, but the primary reason that I mapped Corinthian to Polyphemus is because of hunger. Polyphemus is a glutton and possessed of monstrous hunger, devouring 6 of Odysseus' men and blatantly flouting the concept of guest-rights, and it's his hunger (and his thirst) that Odysseus understands and which allows him to trick Polyphemus into drinking too much wine. I think there's an excellent parallel between the hunger that Hob Gadling has for living, and the hunger that the Corinthian has for the EXPERIENCE of life. He doesn't want all of the mess and the sorrow and the actual humanity, he just wants the parts that ping his adrenaline and his oxytocin. That's why, when Hob tells him that he's HUMAN, and the Corinthian can't take that away from him, Corinthian is so upset. Because Polyphemus will never be a god, even though he says "For the Cyclopes reck not of Zeus, who bears the aegis, nor of the blessed gods, since verily we are better far than they" (saying basically that the Cyclopes don't pay attention to the gods because they're BETTER than gods), and in the same way Corinthian will never be HUMAN, even though he tries to wear all these trappings of humanity.

I think you can definitely make the argument for clearer parallels between Corinthian and Circe, because Circe DOES, in the end, tech Odysseus something valuable, in much the same way that Hob learns something valuable (that he's human! and no one can change that!) during his time on Depression Island. And there is that aspect of sexual violence, which I think is a lot more sinisterly-portrayed with Circe than it is with Calypso, probably because Circe is you know a powerful sorceress possessed of her own agency etc etc.

As for Eleanor, you're absolutely right! When I wrote out my notes for the story, at the very beginning ("notes," I say, as if it wasn't just chapter titles and quotes from the Odyssey that felt like they resonated, lol), I had originally mapped Eleanor to the sirens, on the grounds that she was drawing him into a dream that could never be real to him. But that eventually felt disingenuous, because Hob VERY much loved Eleanor, canonically, and even in this fic he loved her desperately. Nausicaa is the only female character that Odysseus acknowledges as being deserving of a fine husband, and you could argue that she's something of the "one who got away" for him. If he weren't consumed by his quest, he very well might have stayed with her. "Far off we dwell in the surging sea, the furthermost of men, and no other mortals have dealings with us." is the quote that I pulled the chapter title from, and I think that Eleanor still managed to represent something that was holding Hob in stasis, and that it wasn't tenable, but like...it also wasn't bad? The Phaeacians are SOFT, gentle, hedonistic, removed from the troubles of the world, and I feel like Hob at that point was so desperate to try and hold on to himself as a 'living' person that he was willing to try and remove himself from the narrative that way, for a time. It didn't work, of course, because he he didn't have enough information about the structure of the story at that point to truly defy it, but he TRIED.

And lastly, it's worth saying that I don't know if there's a single point in story where Hob or Dream are inhabiting only ONE character at a time. The tropes that make up the characters take turns at the forefront, but at the end, Dream is as much in his own odyssey as Hob is. Hob is the same obstacle to his own self-realization as Poseidon is to Odysseus. All these facets exist within the same gem, just depending on how you turn it towards the light. :3

Thank you again for absolutely making my night, and for such lovely asks! I hope that your shaved ice was good and your week is going well!!! <3

[eukaryotesrool]

Lion King is a franchise that has always meant a lot to me, my favorite Disney movie of all time (and given the current climate, I doubt that's gonna change)

Now, if you didn't know, they're making a new move. Mufasa The Lion King, which promises to be the next introduction in a sprawling franchise of hyper realistic Lion King CGI movies, likened to Star Wars by Disney employees. It will be a prequel focusing on Mufasa's (and to a lesser extent, Scar's) origins.

Now, I could rant about how unfitting the animation style is, how souless and cash grab-y the whole things sounds, and how they go against pre-established Lion King lore (not even in cool ways) BUT, that's probably been discussed a thousand times since the movie was annnounced way back when, I wanna criticize (and poke fun at) a recent article.

"The first Lion King was criticized for being too close to the original." -CBR

Yeah, among other things. I think people would be a lot more forgiving if it was a good unoriginal remake.

"The latest prequel pushes the boundaries and tells a new story and Disney's live-action department can learn a lot from its performance."

Now this, THIS is the line that got me heated. Lemme just repeat the important part.

"The latest prequel pushes the boundaries and tells a new story."

THE LATEST PREQUEL PUSHES THE FUCKING BOUNDARIES AND TELLS A NEW STORT! (Paraphrased)

That is a demented sentence, holy shit. I don't think I need to spell it out, but it isn't boundary pushing to tell a new story, that's the default form of telling stories.

"Oh, but they're just saying it's an improvement on what the departments been doing."

Fair, but take this into account. Does Captain Assaultman deserve praise when he does the bare fucking minimum and stop assaulting people every time he does anything?

Anyhow, some other bits stuck out to me.

"Disney is in a fascinating position as it gears itself up for a potential Renaissance era anew."

Huh? Buddy, HUH?

Don't get me wrong, Disney's a century old, they've made movies bad and good, they COULD absolutely bounce back and make the greatest movies- nay the greatest stories ever told. But what have they done to imply a Renaissance? Make mediocre-at-best movies?

"renew them with original ideas and a live-action edge."

Did you have to say that? To my face?

"Disney strengthens its image and, more importantly, improves upon its storytelling again."

Yeehaw partner, that's right, yet another fat Disney win. Dear Mickey, this company doesn't know what failure means!

Seriously, this article is so shill-ish, it feels like a Disney bigwig wrote it themself.

1: I don't think Mufasa The Lion King being made strengthened Disney's image in anyone's eyes except, apperantly the goober who wrote this article. The movie has to fight an uphill battle to prove itself to audiences, and that is a GOOD thing.

2: What improvement on its story telling? Were you part of the test audiences? The movie could be an insult to the very idea of storys, like you watch it and just keel over from sheer bad writing. All you know they improved on is actually telling original stroies, which is hardly something to praise, as I've said.

Anyway, just wanted to rant about it. I'd like to close off by saying something nice though, the CGI used in the new Lion King remake and its upcoming prequel is genuinely gobsmacking, that stuff rocks. I just wish it was used in a good movie, and that instead of invading a franchise better suited to other mediums, it had a new IP (or an old one that didn't work so welll with the tech of the time) to really push the visuals to their fullest.

I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on Mufasa The Lion King!

[itsclydebitches]

The Bad Batch: A Crosshair Analysis

Hello, Star Wars fandom! I have just completed watching—and loving—The Bad Batch, which you know means I now need to dump all my thoughts about the first season into the tumblr void. Specifically, thoughts on the complicated drama that is Crosshair. I have no doubt that the majority of what I’m about to say will be old news to anyone who watched the show when it came out (I’m slow...), but I’m writing it all out anyway. Largely for my own sanity enjoyment :D

I want to preface all of this by saying that the above is not an exaggeration. I love the show and I love the entire cast. My enjoyment in each of the characters is directly connected to my enjoyment of the season as a whole, which I say because I’m about to get pretty critical towards some of the characters’ choices and, to a lesser extent, the writing choices that surround those. Does this mean I secretly hate The Bad Batch? Quite the opposite. I’m invested, which is presumably just what Filoni wants. I’m just hoping that investment pays off. 

But enough of the disclaimers. Let’s start with the matter of the inhibitor chip. I’ve seen fans take some pretty hard stances on both sides: Crosshair is completely innocent because he’s definitely been under the chip’s control this whole time, no matter what he might say. Crosshair is completely guilty because he said the chip was removed a long time ago and he chose to do all this, no moral wiggle room allowed. However, the reality is that we don’t know enough to make a clear call either way. The audience, simply put, does not have all the necessary information. What we have instead is a couple of facts combined with claims that may or may not be reliable. Let’s lay them out:

Crosshair was definitely under the chip’s control at the start of the series.

He was able to resist it to a certain extent, resulting in a pressure to obey orders coupled with a primary loyalty to his squad. See: telling Hunter to follow the Empire’s commands—which includes killing kid Padawans—but not turning his team in as traitors when they did not. It’s an in-between space.

Crosshair’s chip was then amplified to an unknown extent. I’m never going to claim I’m a Star Wars aficionado—I’m a casual fan, friends. Please don’t yell at me over obscure lore lol—but within TBB’s canon, no one else is undergoing that experimentation. The effects of this are entirely unknown, which includes Crosshair’s free will, or lack thereof.

Crosshair then becomes a clear tool of the Empire, hunting down innocents, killing on a whim, the whole, evil shebang.

In “Reunion” he’s caught by the engine and suffers severe burns to his face. One leaves a scar that covers precisely the place where the chip would have been extracted.

Removing the chip leaves its own scar behind. If Crosshair’s was removed, we can’t see that scar due to the burn.

After these events Crosshair seems to mellow a bit. He does horrible things under the Empire’s orders—like shooting the senator—but is still loyal to his squad—killing his non-clone teammates to give TBB a chance, saving AZ and Omega, etc.

Crosshair claims that his chip has already been removed. However, Crosshair is arguably an unreliable source if he’s been lied to or if the chip is still there, encouraging him to manipulate the team.

Crosshair claims it was removed a long time ago, which is incredibly imprecise. As we can see from just some of the events listed above, precisely when the chip came out—if it came out—makes a huge difference.

Hunter realizes this and presses for clarification, but Crosshair dodges giving it. Again, a legitimate belief that it doesn’t matter, or evidence that he can’t say because something else is going on? We don’t know.

Hunter checks Crosshair’s head and finds the burn scar which proves… nothing. As stated above, they wouldn’t be able to see the surgery scar one way or another: its existence or its absence. It’s useless data, as Tech might say. I’ve seen a few fans claim that Hunter was also feeling for the chip with his enhanced senses, but 1. I didn’t catch any evidence of that in the scene and 2. Even if we assume Hunter did that anyway, the chips are notoriously hard to spot. Fives and AZ couldn’t find the chip at first when examining Tup. Ahsoka had to use the force to find it in Rex. TBB themselves couldn’t find it at first in Wrecker. If machinery consistently fails to find the chip on the first couple of tries—it’s meant to be a hidden implant, after all—why would we believe Hunter’s senses could pick it up instantly? Maybe he missed it, or maybe it wasn’t there at all. 

Crosshair appears to be struggling with a headache in the finale, just as he was at the beginning of the season and just like Wrecker was for the first half.

The point of listing all this out is to emphasize how ambiguous this whole situation is. I don’t want to use this post to argue one way or another about whether Crosshair’s chip is really out. I have my preferred theory (the chip’s still in, but only partially functional), but at the end of the day none of this is conclusive. The writing takes us in what I hope is deliberate circles. Crosshair says the chip is out? Crosshair is not a reliable source of information until we know if the chip is out. What other evidence is there that the chip is gone? A scar? We can’t see if there’s a scar. Hunter’s abilities? He only checked once for a canonically hard to find implant—if he actually checked at all. And why would the Empire want the chip out? Well, maybe it has to do with that push towards willing soldiers, but if that were the case, why leave Crosshair behind and have the “clones die together”? By that point he was one of the most willing, chip or not. Did they have to take it out because of the engine accident? Pure speculation. We just don’t know and THAT is the point I want to make.

Because it means the rest of the Bad Batch didn’t know either.

The core issue I have here is not whether the chip is in or out, or even how long it may have been in if it is out now. The issue is that TBB spent 99% of the first season believing that Crosshair was under the chip’s influence… and they didn’t try to do anything about that. They abandoned him. They left a man behind. Does this make them all horrible monsters? Of course not! This shit is complicated as hell, but I do think they made a very large mistake and that Crosshair has every right to be furious about it.

“But, Clyde, they couldn’t have gone back. It was too dangerous! Hunter had a duty to his whole team, not just Crosshair.” True enough and I’d buy this argument 100% if Hunter hadn’t spent the entire season throwing his team into dangerous, seemingly impossible situations to save other people. Crosshair became the exception, not a hard rule of something they had to avoid. They went back to Kamino for Omega, a kid they’d only had one lunch with, despite knowing how dangerous the Empire was. They went into the heart of an occupied planet to rescue not just a stranger, but one belonging to the Separatist government. They helped Sid when she asked and there was plenty of compassion for the criminal trying to take her place. Most significantly, there wasn’t the slightest hesitation to go rescue Hunter when he was under the Empire’s control, in precisely the same place. Every explanation I’ve seen fans come up with—Kamino is too fortified, they don’t know where Crosshair is, they can’t risk Omega being captured, etc.—also holds true for Hunter, yet there wasn’t a second of doubt about needing to at least try to help him. And his rescue was arguably far more dangerous given that TBB knew they were walking into a trap. Going after Crosshair would have at least had some element of surprise.

I think the problem with these justifications is most easily seen in “Rescue on Ryloth” and, later, “War-Mantle.” In the former, we do watch Hunter decide that going on a rescue mission is too much of a risk, only for Omega to talk him into considering it.

Hunter: “It’s a big galaxy. We can’t put ourselves on the line every time someone’s in trouble.”

Omega: “Why not? Isn’t that what soldiers do?”

Hunter: “It’s not worth the risk.”

Omega: “She’s trying to save her family, Hunter. I’d do the same for you.”

The arguments that sway him are ‘Soldiers should help people’ and ‘Soldiers should specifically help their family.’ So… what does that say about their feelings for Crosshair? They’re willing to put themselves on the line for the parents of a girl they met once at a drop site, but not their own brother? That’s the message the writing sends. “But, Clyde, the difference is that they had an advantage here. Hera’s knowledge of her home planet tipped the odds in their favor.” Yeah… and Crosshair is stationed on TBB’s home planet. Even more than them collectively having the same knowledge that Hera does, “Return to Kamino” reveals that Omega always had additional, insider knowledge of the base: she has access to a secret landing pad and the tunnels leading up into the city. That knowledge was given and used the second Hunter’s freedom was on the line, but it never once came up to use for Crosshair’s benefit. 

“War-Mantle’s” mission puts this problem in even sharper relief. Another claim I’ve seen a lot is that TBB only took risky rescue missions because they needed to be paid. The guys have got to eat after all. Yet Tech makes it clear that going after Gregor will lose them money. They’re meant to be on a mission for Sid and deviating for that won’t result in a payment. He explicitly says that if they decide to do this, they won’t eat. They do it anyway. No money, no intel, a huge risk “on a clone we don’t even know.” But that’s not what’s important, the show says. All that matters is that a brother is in trouble. This time it’s Echo pushing that message instead of Omega. When Hunter realizes that they’re about to try and infiltrate an entire facility and they don’t even know if this clone is still alive, Echo points out that they took that risk once before: for him. “If there’s a chance that trooper is being held against his will, we have to try and get him out.”

Yes! Exactly right! So why doesn’t that apply to Crosshair?

“Because he tried to kill them, Clyde!” No, that’s the easy, dismissive answer. A chipped Crosshair tried to kill them. AKA, a Crosshair entirely under the Empire’s control. The only difference between his enslavement and Gregor’s is that Gregor’s chains were physical while Crosshair’s were mental. And again, the point of everything at the start of this post is to show that no one knows when or even if that chip was removed. TBB definitely didn’t have any reason to suspect that Crosshair was working under his own power until Crosshair himself said as much. We might have been able to make that case at the start of the season, but “Battle Scars” removes any possible confusion. The entire team watched Rex reach for his blaster when he learned their chips were still in. The entire team watched Wrecker become a totally different person and attack them, just like Crosshair did. The entire team forgave him instantly and had their own chips removed. So why in the world didn’t anyone go, “Wow, Crosshair has a chip too. He was no more responsible for attacking us than Wrecker was. We need to try to get him out, no matter how hard that might be, just like we had to try for all these other people we’ve helped.”

But they didn’t. No one even considered rescuing Crosshair. They only went back for Hunter and, when they realized Crosshair was there too, they didn’t change their plans to try and rescue him as well. He’s treated as a particularly threatening inconvenience, not another team member in need of their help.

The problem I have with how this all went down is that the team treated Crosshair like an enemy despite all evidence to the contrary. Despite Omega outright saying that this isn’t his fault, it’s the chip, the group seems to decide that he’s gone crazy or something and that there’s nothing they can do. “It’s fine,” I thought. “They don’t really get what the chip is like yet. They don’t understand how thoroughly it controls someone.” But then “Battle Scars” arrives and Wrecker is treated with such compassion (which he deserves!) only for the group to continue acting like Crosshair is somehow different. It’s easy to say, “But Crosshair shot Wrecker” and ignore the easy pushback of, “and Wrecker nearly shot Omega.” Up until Crosshair’s own accusations and Omega’s ignored comments, TBB’s understanding of the chip’s influence and the lack of responsibility that accompanies mysteriously disappears when the show’s antagonist becomes the subject of conversation. This is seen most clearly in how Hunter tries to frame things during his talk with Crosshair:

“You tried to kill us. We didn’t have a choice.”

“Can’t you see that they’re using you? It’s that inhibitor chip in your head.”

“You really don’t get who we are, do you?”

Hunter mentions the chip, but he acts as if it’s Crosshair’s responsibility to overcome it: “Can’t you see…” Of course he can’t see, that’s the entire point of the chip, the thing he currently believes Crosshair still has stuck in his head. But Hunter and the others—with Omega as a wonderful exception—never seem to have accepted this like they did for Wrecker. When Crosshair “tried to kill us” it’s seen as a deliberate act that he chose, not something forced on him like with Wrecker. When Hunter talks about their ethics, he subconsciously separates the team from Crosshair: “You really don’t get who we are, do you?”, revealing a pretty ingrained divide between them. Even Wrecker gets in on the action, the one brother who truly understands how much the chip controls someone: “All that time, you didn’t even try to come back.” What part of he couldn’t try is not hitting home here? Again, for the purposes of this conversation it doesn’t matter whether Crosshair was chipped this whole time or not. The point is that TBB believed he was chipped… and yet still expected him to somehow, magically overcome that programming, writing him off when he failed to do that. He’s consistently held responsible for actions that they were told (and, through Wrecker, saw) were completely outside of his control. Even when we factor in his claim that the chip was removed, TBB has ignored all the evidence I listed at the start. No one, not even Omega, challenges this super vague and strange claim, or seeks out proof because they don’t want to believe that their brother could willingly do this. There’s just this... acceptance that of course Crosshair went bad. Why? Because he was an asshole sometimes? Taking it all as written, it doesn’t feel like the batch considered him a true part of the team. Certainly not like Wrecker or Hunter. As shown, the batch will go out of their way, risk anything, forgive anything, for them. They have a level of faith that was never shown to Crosshair. 

“Severe and unyielding,” Tech says and he’s absolutely right, but I’d seriously challenge this idea that any of the others would have automatically done better if the situations were reversed. It stood out to me that each batch member has a moment of doubt throughout the series, a brief glimpse into how they think the Empire isn’t that bad, at least when it comes to this particular thing. Basically, a moment that could lead to a very dangerous line of thinking without others to stomp it down. Wrecker announces that he’s happy working for whoever, provided they give him food and let him blow things up. Tech finds the chain codes to be an ingenious strategy and is clearly fascinated with their development. Hunter initially wants Omega to stay on Kamino, despite knowing that this Empire has already, systematically killed an entire group of people: the Jedi. Doesn’t matter. She’s still (supposedly) safer there than she would be running with the likes of them.

There’s absolutely no doubt that those three made the correct choice in defying the Empire, but I believe that their ability to make that choice is largely dependent on them having each other. They survive together, not apart, and it’s their unity that allows them to make the really hard calls, like setting out on their own and opposing such a formidable force. But if Tech’s chip had activated and he’d been left behind, would he have muscled through to escape somehow...or would he have gotten caught up in all the new technology the Empire offered him, succumbing to both his chip and the inevitability that if his squad no longer wanted him, why not stay? Would Wrecker have escaped, or been easily manipulated into a new life of exploding things? Would Hunter have been able to push through without his brothers, or would he have become devoted to a new team to lead? Obviously there’s no way to ever know, but it’s always easier to make the right decisions when you have support in doing so. Crosshair had no support. His team left him and yes, they had to in that specific moment, but the point is that they never came back. As far as we saw throughout the season, they never planned to come back. They all talk about loving the Crosshair who existed when life was easier, but they weren’t willing to fight for the Crosshair that most needed their help. When he says “You weren’t loyal to me,” he’s absolutely right. The same episode, “Return to Kamino,” gives Omega two powerful lines that the group rallies behind:

Omega: “[The danger] doesn’t matter. Saving Hunter is what matters.”

AZ: “You must leave.”

Omega: “Not without Hunter.”

The key word there is “Hunter.” Danger, stakes, risk, probability… none of that matters when Hunter needs help. Crosshair did not receive that same level of devotion.

Which creates a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. The group is upset that Crosshair isn’t rejoining them, but they fail to realize that he has no reason to trust them anymore. He’s not joining the Empire because he’s inherently evil and that’s that, end of discussion. He’s joining it because above all Crosshair wants a place to belong… and TBB has made it clear—unintentionally—that he does not belong with them. The horrible actions that Crosshair took under his own free will (theoretically) came after he realized that doing bad things while under the Empire’s control was, apparently, unforgivable. If it wasn’t, his team would have come back to rescue him. They could have at least tried. But they didn’t, so Crosshair is left with the conclusion that either what he did under the Empire’s control is something the group can’t forgive him for, or they can forgive that (like with Wrecker) and he’s the problem here. He’s the one not worth that effort.

“The Empire will be fazing out clones next,” Hunter says. To which Crosshair responds, “Not the ones that matter.”

He wants to matter to someone and events show he no longer matters to his brothers. So why not stay with the Empire? I mean, we as the audience ABSOLUTELY know why not. Self-doubt and feelings of isolation aren’t excuses for joining the Super Evil Organization. Crosshair, if he is under his own control, is still 100% in the wrong for supporting them, no matter his reasons. So it’s not an excuse, but rather an explanation of that very human, flawed, fallible thinking. He needs to be useful. He needs to be wanted. Crosshair is an absolute dick to the regs and I have no doubt that a lot of that stems from the harassment TBB has experienced from them (with a side of his inflated ego), but I’d bet it’s also due to Crosshair’s intense desire to be valuable to someone. He keeps pointing out the regs’ supposed deficiencies because it highlights his own usefulness. When Crosshair fails to find Hera, the Admiral says that soon he’ll get someone who can, looking straight at Howzer at the door. It makes Crosshair seethe because his entire identity is based on being useful, yet no one seems to need him anymore. TBB seems to no longer want him. The Empire no longer wants clones. Now even regs are considered a better option than him, the “superior” soldier. Everywhere Crosshair turns he’s getting the message that he’s not wanted, but he’ll keep fighting to at least be needed in some capacity, no matter how small. Even if that means overlooking all the horrors the Empire commits.

“All you’ll ever be to [the Empire] is a number,” Hunter says and he’s absolutely right. But to TBB recently, Crosshair hasn’t even been that. He’s been nothing. Nobody worth coming back for. To his mind, at least being a number is something.

I hope that all of this resolves itself into a conclusion that is kind to each side (preferably without a Vader-style death redemption), especially given the still ambiguous state of the chip, but from a writing standpoint I’m admittedly a bit wary. We’re obviously meant to believe that the batch all love each other, but as established throughout this entirely too long post, this season did a terrible job imo of proving that they love Crosshair. Or, at least, proving that they love him as much as the others. If this was really meant to be just a matter of miscommunication, with Crosshair making terrible life choices because he only thinks he was abandoned, then we as the audience would have seen the batch trying and failing to get him out. Or at least establishing a very good reason why they couldn’t take that risk, hopefully with entirely different side-missions so the audience isn’t constantly going, “So you can risk everything for Gregor... but not Crosshair?” I’m VERY glad that Crosshair was allowed to air his grievances to the extent he did, but the end result of that—Hunter continually denying this, Omega walking away from him in their rooms, neither Tech nor Wrecker actually sticking up for him and acknowledging the chip’s influence during at least some of all this—is making things feel rather one-sided. It’s like we’re meant to take Crosshair at his word and accept that he’s this garden-variety antagonist who joins the Empire because yay being on the winning side… despite all these complications that clearly have a huge impact on how we read the situation. It doesn’t help that the show has already embraced an inconsistent manner of portraying chipped-clones. We know every clone has one, we know only a couple clones are aware of the chip’s existence (and can thus try to get it out), we know they enter a “Good soldiers follow orders” mindlessness once activated… yet towards the end we see a lot of side character clones thinking for themselves. Howzer decides that he’s no longer loyal to the Empire, giving a speech where a couple other clones throw down their weapons too. Gregor was arrested because he likewise realized how wrong this all was. But how is that possible? Do the chips completely control the clones, or not? Are these clones somehow exceptions? Are the chips beginning to fail? All of that has a bearing on how we read Crosshair—what were his own decisions, how much he was capable of overcoming the chip, whether that changed at all during certain points—but right now that remains really unclear.

It’s details like that which make me wonder if all these other questions will be answered. Will the story resolve all those ambiguous moments surrounding the chip, or brush them off with the belief that we should have just taken Crosshair at his equally ambiguous word? Will the story acknowledge Crosshair’s points through someone other than Crosshair, allowing it to exist as a legitimate criticism, rather than the presumed excuses of an antagonist? I’m… not sure. On the whole I’m very happy with TBB’s writing—despite what all this might imply lol. Until my brain picks over the season and discovers something else, my only other gripe is not allowing Omega to form a solid bond with Tech and Echo, instead putting all the focus on big brother!Wrecker and dad!Hunter. I think it’s a solid show that does a lot right, but I’m worried that, unless there’s a brilliant answer to all these questions and an intent to unpack both sides of the Hunter vs. Crosshair debate with respect—not just falling back on, “Well, Crosshair is with the Empire so everything he says is automatically bad and wrong” take—we’ve just gotten the setup for a somewhat messy, ethical story. For anyone here who also reads my RWBY metas, I’m pretty sure you’re not at all surprised that I’m invested in going, “Hey, you had one of the heroes suddenly become/join a dictatorship and do a lot of horrific things, but within a pretty complicated context. Can we please work through that carefully and with an acknowledgement of the nuance here, rather than throwing the ‘evil’ character to the proverbial wolves?”  

God knows TBB is leagues ahead of RWBY, but I hope things continue on in not just a good direction, but one that tackles the aspects of this situation that many fans—and Crosshair—have already pointed out. As much as I adore the cast—and I really, really do—it was discomforting to watch a found family show where 4/5th of that family so completely wrote off one of the members and crucially have, at least so far, refused to acknowledge that. I want complicated, flawed characters, but that’s only compelling when the storytelling admits to and grapples with those flaws. We have quite firmly established Crosshair’s flaws in Season One. I hope Season Two delves into the rest of the team’s too.

Aaaand with that meta-dump out of my system, I’m off to write TBB fic. Thanks for reading! :D

[pebblysand]

[JUNE ‘22] - THE LIFE/WRITING UPDATE NO ONE ASKED FOR (AND SOME QUICK LINKS)

hello, hello! happy pride month! believe it or not i almost forgot june meant pride, i’ve been so tired lately it almost feels like jetlag and all i feel like is to ask: sorry, what month is it again? anyway, i hope you’re all doing well! i’m sorry for the lateness of this post, my mum is visiting at the moment and while i certainly aimed to write this ahead of time, it seems that life has caught up with me once again ^^! 

anyway, before diving into more life/writing updates, here are some quick links to different blog pages you might not see on mobile :

FIC MASTERLIST [updated]

FIC RECS 

WRITING ADVICE 

ORIGINAL PIECES [updated]

OPINION PIECES & ASKS [updated]

THE FANFIC WRITER’S CRAFT (NEW PODCAST)

[NOTE: i am currently not accepting prompts]

Castles (chap 11) ETA: i’ve finished chapter 11 but i’m working on trying to get 11, 12 & 13 out as a block at the same time. more on that below. 

links extended a/n-s: chapter v ; chapter vi & vii ; chapter viii ; chapter ix ; chapter x

[more life/writing updates under the cut]

WHAT I’M READING:

i’ve read absolutely nothing this month. like, idk, i’ve been writing a lot and dealing with return to the (physical) office at work - it’s kind of drained my energy. i’m going to galway and edinburgh later in june, though, so as i most often read when i’m travelling, i’m sure you can expect some more book/fic updates in next month’s post :). 

.

WHAT I’M WATCHING: 

i’ve already spoken about the lincoln lawyer in episode 2 of the podcast which will come out soon but in other news, i watched: 

‘

anatomy of a scandal: i know this one has received mixed reviews but i actually really liked it. for context, this british mini-series centres on the story of a politician who is accused of rape by a staffer who he used to have an affair with and deals with themes of cheating, sexual assault, consent, etc. while i think that, yes, of course, the final reveal (if you’ve seen the show, you’ll know what i’m talking about) was extremely foreseeable (and kind of unnecessary to the story, imo) i feel like that’s not really the point. i thought the way this series showed the wife’s point of view in the case, rather than only the victim’s or the perpetrator's, was very clever (a-la the good wife, in a way) and refreshing. i think this series was also very good at showing how many of these men who have recently been accused of assaulting women do not, themselves, even see these incidents as assaults. they don’t understand/were never taught consent (were actually taught that being “strong” and “manly” was the opposite) and are now “shocked” when it’s coming back to haunt them. the main character’s constant refusal to admit he did anything wrong, and to even see what he did wrong (when he very clearly assaulted this woman) was so striking and intelligently put, though so incredibly shocking. also, though i’ve no experience in trial advocacy specific to the uk, as a lawyer, i felt like the trial scenes weren’t too cringe, which is always a plus. overall, i thought that this show delivered very well on what it promised, even though it could have done without that final reveal.

‘

i’m not sure if this is something that fits into the “watched” category but something you may not know about me is that i used to be (and to a lesser extent still am) an avid watcher of youtube content, specifically in the uk youtuber sphere. as such, i was very pleased to watch dan howell’s comeback video “why i quit youtube” which i found absolutely fascinating. if you are interested in social media in general, i would highly recommend you checking it out, i think it offers an amazing perspective on the pressures of internet “fame,” the content “treadmill,” as well as on the inner workings of social media companies. specifically, this quote: “never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity” which, as someone who works in tech, is honestly an industry motto. i think most people outside of the industry don’t realise how new and “amateurish” most tech companies (including big ones like facebook, google, etc.) still are. working in tech is literally just a bunch of people constantly trying to figure shit out that didn’t exist half an hour ago, and finding out that that shit sits with some random engineer in sf and who left the company five months ago without telling anyone. as sorry as i felt re:dan’s experience, i can totally see how this was the result of complete negligence, rather than outright malice. additionally, one thing that i really loved in his video is the way he was like: everyone thinks youtube is “homophobic” and that’s ludicrous, everyone who works for youtube is gay! i genuinely laughed out loud. honestly, it’s true. while advertising in most tech companies is definitely a problem re: content that is promoted and whatnot, the employees and the companies themselves definitely have a much more liberal agenda. every job i’ve been in in tech, i’ve grown to generally assume people are LGTBQA+, until told otherwise hahaha. tech is such a welcoming environment in that way, it’s one of the things i really love about the industry. 

additionally, i also watched the our father netflix documentary this month, which was fine but i’m still sitting here wondering why not just charge him for fraud. i mean, legally, i understand it’s not rape, but it’s certainly criminal fraud? this case is so bizarre. lastly, i also finished s2 of smother. this is an irish thriller mini-series - i really enjoyed s1, but s2 was a bit much in fairness. the number of times i said “ah, stop” to myself while watching it was honestly too high for it to be considered good. plus, the “cliffhanger” ending? again, “ah, stop,” please. 🤣though i won’t lie, it’s always nice to see ireland on screen :). 

.

WHAT I’M LISTENING TO:

not really what i am listening to but what you are listening to: lani and i have a podcast!!!!!! honestly you guys, this is so exciting!! we put in so much work into creating this lovely thing and getting you guys’ feedback and kind words has made it all worth it. as you’ve probably gathered, we’re still figuring things out as we go along in terms of sound editing, recording (i discovered three days ago you have to pay for hosting lmao) but we hope to get better as we go along. our next episode will be live on the 10th of june, so stay tuned for that!!

(and of course, we’d love to hear from you if you wanna be featured/have a topic you want to discuss - my dms as well as the podcast’s ask box are always open :))

additionally, in terms of podcasts, i really recommend the laughs of your life episode with aisling bea! i just love doireann garrihy’s podcast generally, it always brings a smile to my face and i really admire her ability to sustain an entire podcast with the same set of questions she asks all of her guests. and, god, do i love aisling bea! she’s such a funny, wholesome person, and this entire episode felt like a big hug. 

in a completely different genre, if you’re interested in social media and its economics, i would highly recommend the waveform podcast with hank green discussing tiktok monetisation and economics. i thought it was wholeheartedly fascinating and hank green is such a huge source of knowledge when it comes to these things. 

aside from that, top five songs currently are: 

que tout s’danse by noé preszow - i reckon this one is kind of on this out. i mean i still love the song but it was very much the inspo for chap 11 of castles, and that’s written now

the kids are all rebels by lenii - same as the above but also i love lenii so much. i’ve been following her for a few years now but it was so nice to see her finally get the traction she deserved on tiktok over the pandemic!

mockingbird by eminem - em is back in my top five which should surprise absolutely no one. i’ve been listening to this song (which imo is one of his absolute masterpieces) a lot while writing chap 12 of castles. and, it’s funny, i talk about this more at length in ep 2 of the podcast but it’s not that chap12 has anything with the actual content of the song, it’s more about the “rhythm” of it and the way the song makes me feel. obviously eminem is a huge inspo for castles (i mean, the fic is even named after one of his songs) and i think i just sort of relate to the pacing, phrasing, and tone of mockingbird.  

tea & toast by lucy spraggan - listen. like everyone else, i’d obviously previously heard lucy’s hilarious song last night about “the fear” that she sang at the x-factor a few years ago, but omg this one is a whole other level. the first time i heard it (on tiktok, may i add), this song gave me chills. this woman is such an amazing story teller and i have so many emotions about this song - in just a few weeks, it’s become one of my absolute faves. 100% recommend you giving it a listen!

anthem by yonaka & barns courtney - another upcoming castles song that’s probably on the out. 

.

WHAT I’M WRITING:

i have made So Much progress on castles last month, i’m so chuffed! it’s certainly been exhausting and a lot of work - with the podcast, the tumblr stuff, writing castles, etc. it sometimes feels like i have two full time jobs at the moment haha. and it feels odd because i know you’re only getting to see the half of it because i’m waiting until i’m done with chapters 11, 12 & 13 to publish, which believe me is the evidence of So Much self-control on my part, haha. it’ll all be worth it, though, i promise. 

at this point, chapter 11 is done (just maybe in need of a few edits to iron things out once 12 & 13 are done as well) and i’m about maybe 75% done with the first draft of 12. what i am hoping for at the moment is to finish everything (i.e. writing, edits, etc.) by the first weekend of august, so that i can publish everything before my three weeks of holidays and really take my mind off things. i will say, though, writing castles has been a joy since truly getting back into it. it’s funny with this fic, whenever i leave it to the side for a while, i find it really hard to come back to. but once i do, it’s always such a rewarding experience. it can very difficult to write at times cause it’s obviously a very intense story, but it always pays off in the end.  

lastly, on a writing-but-not-really update, i know it's annoying but i ended up signing up for the "tipping" feature on tumblr. not that i actually expect anyone to tip me but idk, i had set up a tipee a few months ago cause i think iirc, one person asked, but then i couldn't be arsed to maintain it, so i thought having it integrated to tumblr would be better. obviously, i wouldn't say no if you wanted to buy me coffee to fuel all those hours spent writing castles 🤣 but i'm not really expecting anything lol. also hosting for the podcast is $12 USD/month so if you want to give towards that, feel free to, haha. will obviously continue doing it regardless, and i don't want to run ads on it cause that seems silly 😅.

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WHAT I’M DOING:

i’ve loads of travelling scheduled for june! i’m very excited for it, but also hope it won’t get too much in the way of writing haha. i’m going to galway and the aran islands with my mum this weekend, which is always a treat. then a friend of mine is turning 30 and we’re celebrating by going to edinburgh next weekend (if anyone has any tips, let me know). she’s a huge hp fan as well so we’re hoping to go take pictures of the train (lmao), hopefully the weather won’t be too bad. then, the weekend of the 25th i’m going to london again! i went in february for a gig that ended up being cancelled so i’m flying back now to hopefully finally see it. i love london though, so i’m sure it’ll be a lovely weekend. 

other than that, yeah, a bit tired at the moment and feeling like i’m working all the time but hey, i suppose i’ll sleep when i’m dead haha. 

anyway, i think that will be all for now. i hope you all have lovely month :). 

lots of love, 

pebblysand. 

[luvnami]

𝐎𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧 | 𝐖𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 (here) | 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 | 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 - Second part to ‘Ocean’! Hope you enjoy it :> Reblogs, comments, shares and likes are really appreciated!!

𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐚 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 - @getousuguruwife​ @amjustagirl​ @aliteama​

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 - Amnesia, Memory loss, Blood, Mild gore, Death, Blood loss, Corpses, Food, Manga spoilers, Pre-canon and canon compliant to a certain extent, Nightmares, Relationship Issues (lack of communication), Overthinking/Anxious Thoughts, I criticise Nanami’s choice of clothing

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 -  Nanami Kento's life has been... Good, bad, and everything in between. He  (and many others) thinks he's mature, independent, the definition of  what a proper adult should be like. But really, the only way he's made  it this far is because you've been holding his hand the entire time. 

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 - 5k

Nanami decides to enter university and get a degree. He casts a life of sorcery behind and turns a blind eye to curses that peer at him curiously on the street. When you text him and ask about how life is in the city of Tokyo, he replies that it would be much better if you were here with him. You choose to ignore the meaning between the lines and tell him that he’ll do great in university; you’re sure of it!

Truth be told, his parents are more than glad to fund Nanami’s ventures and encourage him to do so. As a result, he finds himself engulfed by the world of rigorous studying. Lectures and tutorials drain his time from morning to evening, not to forget project meetings and whatever the hell ‘socialising’ means.

But campus life is invigorating. He wakes up to the smell of coffee and his roommate singing a foreign song with a catchy tune and has time to enjoy a lovely breakfast before he heads off for morning classes. Everything is done in his own time. No one rushes him to save the lives of innocent civilians, nor does the weariness of a day’s fight linger in his bones.

Quietly, gently. That is how Nanami’s time in university goes by. Writing essays on analysing market trends or a project on that sociology elective module he chose is nothing too tricky, especially when one compares it to sorcery. 

He learns to relax, unwinding in the golden hours of the evening with a Murakami paperback and a steaming cup of coffee by his side. Nanami meets new people — people who have never heard what a curse is (though he does find his witchy neighbour intriguing), people who have families at the furthest ends of the earth. Their companionship is refreshing.

You, meanwhile, earn a nice sum from working at Jujutsu Tech. You don’t work directly with curses (something which Nanami is thankful for) and enjoy your time surrounded by nature, treating the younger students with a smile and warm cup of tea. 

You and Nanami decide to move into an apartment where the commute is halfway between both schools. It’s a nice change of pace, really. You wake up next to each other in the blinding morning light, still entangled in the cheap (and slightly scratchy) duvet you got on sale. Nanami presses a kiss between your brows. You smile, your hand warm on his skin. 

“Good morning, Ken,” you croak as the sunlight frames your face.

You lean forward and place your head against his chest. Nanami’s hand strokes your shoulder lovingly as the both of you make small talk on the day’s events, then laughing when he makes a cheesy (and slightly indecent) joke about what he enjoys eating for breakfast. Your heart soars in your chest, catching the upwind and slicing through the clouds. It feels like heaven.

But the sea does not always remain calm and peaceful. Its tides rise and fall with the waxing and waning of the moon, and waves can come crashing down on boats that dare sail through its treacherous waters. 

Nanami buries the constant nightmares of Haibara under his pillow, waking up in the middle of the night with your arms around his waist. He pretends he does not see the curses that linger in the corner of his lecture theatre, nor the ones that stare back in the bathrooms. Nanami slips a pair of spectacles onto the bridge of his nose. His fellow classmates call him intelligent, quiet, but kind. 

He wants to believe that, too.

☆*: .｡.

Nanami joins a hedge fund company after graduation. 

“Are you sure that’s what you want to do, Ken?” you ask over the table.

The restaurant you had booked for dinner boasts of its month-long waitlists and seasonal menus. You poke at the raw fish that sits on your plate, Nanami holding a glass of amber liquid. He watches its colour swirl under the dim light.

“The pay is good. We’ll be comfortable.”

“I don’t care about money, Ken. I’d rather you do something less stressful and be happier.”

“Let me try it out for a year or so. That can’t hurt, right?”

He smiles, you smile. 

Your hand slips into his comfortably over the table, and your eyes meet in silent understanding. You squeeze his hand.

The company changes Nanami. Some things are obvious — the way he now parts and combs his hair back with wax, the pressed suits that line your shared wardrobe, the work phone that buzzes with notifications every minute of the day. Others are more… subtle. He comes home later and later each night, occasionally staying over in the office. His alcohol consumption increases. You spend the weekends alone. 

It’s gotten to the point where you’re lucky if you eat dinner with him once a week. You’re busy with your own work, too, but you assume that Nanami would be able to come home on at least the weekends. Your mind begins to drift.

Is there a colleague who wears a skirt too short, a manager who touches his shoulder a second too long? It’s been at least four years since you and Nanami had gotten together, and you still don’t know his stance on marriage or children yet. Does he love you, or does he love his job more? 

You fall into a pit of doubt and despair. Perhaps you should have been a lesser burden on Nanami. He spent so many hours taking care of you back then, wearing himself thin between missions, that the idea of him getting tired of being a caregiver to someone who didn’t remember him at all was… possible; reality, even?

There’s nothing original about you, either. Your handwriting is the same as a girl you’ll never remember from middle school, the way you text influenced by the students you work with. Maybe you laugh too loud. Or you’re too fat, too skinny, too quiet, too noisy, too blunt, too shy, too clumsy. So what made him love you? Or was he just in love with a previous version of you that you weren’t now?

It feels like you’re staring into a mirror when you try to remember who you used to be with childhood journals and photographs. The same face, the same body, memories that don’t make sense and a head that has become a blank canvas. A parent’s child, a teacher’s student. Unable to reach past the glass.

You don’t know who you are anymore with how you’ve changed to please Nanami — a person of personalities that switches in the blink of an eye. So why does he still keep you in his rented heart that’s full of other tenants, and under the contact name ‘Dear ♡’? You place the button in a drawer amongst a mess of spare keys, bits of tissue paper and promotional pamphlets. 

It’s tiring. Nanami’s head is in the clouds as you share a parfait, and you ask him, “Kento, do you really love me?”.

“What?” he asks incredulously. “Of course I do.”

The eyebags that are on his face have been there since two weeks ago. Nanami can’t remember when the last time was when he got a proper night of sleep, and currently, he’s thinking about the new client that-

“Kento,” you interrupt. “You’re exhausted.”

You point your spoon at him for extra emphasis, the tip of it having a dollop of whipped cream. 

“Pointing your utensils around is bad manners.”

“Never knew you cared about table manners.”

“Well, now I do.”

You lick the spoon clean and eye Nanami. He returns a tired stare before his gaze falls to the side and he lets out a sigh. He almost wishes that you would stop bothering him about this and let him go back home. There are so many emails he needs to send, and he can’t sit still without checking the stock market every hour or so. 

“Do you want to break up?”

The words come easier than expected.

“Huh?! What makes you say that?”

“You seem like you want to.”

“You can’t just assume things like-”

The girls sitting by the next table fall quiet. Nanami thinks that they’re eavesdropping on your conversation; you think so too. You glance quickly at them and they pretend nothing had ever happened, hiding their looks of surprise as they shove spoonfuls of dessert into their mouths.

“Let’s go somewhere else.”

You sound irritated. Nanami pays with his card, grabbing his things as you step outside of the cafe first. 

“Slow down,” he mumbles and pockets his wallet. 

You whip around.

“You can’t just assume things like that, Kento.”

“Fine, I’m sorry.”

Staring at him, your eyes seem glazed over. Tired, maybe. Tearing up, maybe. Maybe, maybe. Many maybes. Nanami doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what’s been going on with you, actually. You seem distant, out of reach when you’re lying in the same bed as him. Is it the money; is he making enough to make you happy?

Nanami reaches out and tries to hold your hand (when was the last time he had done that?) when his phone buzzes. He retracts his hand and reaches for his back pocket, but you grab his wrist. He looks at you.

“What are you doing? Let go.”

Irritation laces his voice. 

“Don’t answer that.”

“Are you crazy? It’s from work. I have to.”

“Work this, work that! You spent the last year basically married to your office and the one time we get to go out together, you want to work?”

Your voice is sharp, slicing Nanami’s hazy conscience. He watches as it pools at his feet, a gust of fresh air tickling his skin. He relaxes his wrist and you pull your hand away. Passersby glance at you briefly before continuing their daily commute, not bothering to give you a second glance.

“Sorry,” you mumble.

“It’s okay,” Nanami replies. 

The both of you stand in the street, suddenly feeling as if you’ve drifted away from one other unknowingly. Like a boat in the ocean, Nanami rocks with the waves that splash gently on his hull. Everything is blue and vast around him. He can’t see the land. 

Nanami thinks about that girl at the bakery. The way she always cried out ‘Come back soon!’ every time he left as if he wouldn’t return a second time. And then he thinks about the clients he serves, all outfits and jewellery that easily cost half his salary. They shove money into his hands, expecting even more in return without a word of thanks. 

“Hey,” Nanami says. 

He reaches out across the waters and grasps your hand in his. You look up, eyes brimming with tears. He swipes at the corner of your eye with his thumb. Understanding washes over him and he takes a deep breath. 

“I’m sorry,” Nanami whispers sincerely.

That night, he calls Gojo when you’re safely tucked into bed. Nanami tries to ignore how the older sorcerer cackles at him and hangs up once the call is presumably over on his end. He slips under the covers as you turn over in your sleep, resting against his chest. Nanami kisses your brow. 

He gets his first night of good sleep in a long, long time. 

☆*: .｡.

Nanami falls back into the rhythm of sorcery. He trains for a good month until he gets his stamina and strength back, obtaining a new weapon from the school for his missions. Gojo seems oddly delighted to see him return, laughing when Nanami’s out of breath from a workout.

“Ken,” you say, wrinkling your nose when he steps out of your shared bedroom. “You’re going to work in that?” 

Nanami adjusts the cuffs of his sleeves, staring at you. 

“Is this not appropriate?”

You observe him from head to toe. The leopard print tie, blue shirt and tan suit — you resist the urge to tell him he’s so close to looking like a pimp. Out of all the lovely suits that Nanami has, he chooses to wear this one?

“It’s a bit bright, that’s all,” you laugh. 

“I thought I would go with something eccentric. You don’t get to wear this at the office,” he remarks, striding over to the kitchen to grab your packed lunches. 

You remain quiet and fiddle with a loose thread on your own suit jacket. 

“Something the matter?”

“Oh! Nothing at all. Let’s go.”

It’s more convenient now since the both of you work at the same place. Nanami drives to Jujutsu Tech every morning and picks you up in the evenings as well. He detests how Gojo makes fun of him for it, calling him a ‘lovely husband’. It makes your cheeks warm, and you duck your head before Nanami can ask you anything about it.

Peace reigns true for a few months. The morning routine is a nice change of pace compared to Nanami’s previous job. You’re able to spend more time together, even to the point of going grocery shopping or watching a movie with takeout on Friday nights.

Nanami relaxes only a little. Compared to office work, this is probably just as bad. First of all, he has to see Gojo almost every day and have him talk his ear off. Secondly, he returns to being the balance between life and death for civilians once more. It’s not a task he enjoys. However, he harbours that the thanks he receives and the lives he saves are a good enough exchange. 

Years come and go, as do students of Jujutsu Tech. Nanami sees more dead sorcerers and exorcises more curses. You quietly type away at a laptop, filing their deaths and completing any tasks you’re given from the higher-ups. It seems that life has slowed down once more and you return to a monotonous pace. 

You wonder if your relationship with Nanami will progress any further. It’s been close to nine years and yet… nothing has developed beyond living together or the odd weekend date. That’s not to say that you don’t love Nanami. You do, honestly. He treats you well and listens to your occasional nagging to put his stacks of books away, but you want something more. You crave the thought of getting married, to be lawfully his and maybe start a family. But, contrary to belief, Nanami isn’t opposed to it when you bring the topic up over dinner one night.

“Marriage?” 

His chopsticks pick off a portion of grilled salmon and he brings it to his mouth with some rice. He chews, swallowing.

“Yeah. I mean, we’ve been together for so long, you know? So it kind of seems natural for us to do so.”

Your gut twists nervously. The steam from your miso soup rises silently in the air, wisps of white smeared out at the edges. 

“Sure.”

“Huh?”

“Sure, let’s get married.” Nanami says.

You have to physically close your mouth and your eyes are widened in shock. Your heartbeat accelerates that much faster.

“Are you serious?”

“Well, were you serious when you asked me that question?”

Heat rises to your face. 

“As you said, we’ve been together and living under the same roof for quite some time. Marriage seems like a plausible idea.”

“Then let’s-!”

“But I have one condition.”

Momentarily, your heart wavers. Nanami finishes the last drop of miso soup in his bowl and balances his chopsticks on top of the porcelain. As usual, his plate and bowls are scraped clean. 

“I’ll only get married after I stop being a sorcerer.”

Your face twists in confusion as you try to understand where Nanami is coming from. You don’t get it — didn’t being a sorcerer mean that Nanami faced death everyday and that he should be taking advantage of what time he has left? But, of course, you don’t mean to curse him into an early grave like that. Except… Except that your face visibly falls and Nanami takes notice of it.

“I’d rather not have my life entangled with curses more than it should be. Once we both earn enough money and have a nice savings account, we can retire and go do whatever we want. Besides, I’ll invest. It’ll be more than enough.”

You remain silent and stare at your half-finished dinner. Nanami reaches over the table and takes your hand in his. 

“Can you give me some more time, please?”

You don’t reply. 

☆*: .｡.

“Did you hear about the new first years?”

“Mm. The one who died, right?”

“Gojo wants me to mentor him for a while.”

Nanami’s hands are positioned on the steering perfectly. His palms guide the car carefully through the steep roads that climb up to Jujutsu Tech. You flip through a checklist of things you need to do for the day.

“Will you be heading out of school?”

“Probably. There’s a scene I need to check out.”

“Stay safe, alright?”

“Of course. You too, don’t forget to have your lunch again.”

Nanami pulls into the parking lot of the school. Leaning over the clutch, he presses a kiss to your hairline. You gently peck his jaw.

“See you tonight. I might not be able to pick you up, so get Nitta to drive you.”

“See you, Ken.”

Nanami watches as you open the car door and step out. You turn back, giving him a wave and smile through the window. He returns the gesture. Once you’re out of sight, Nanami pulls out his phone as he sits in the car. He thumbs through his emails and his Adam’s apple bobs as soon as he sees the confirmation sent to him. A loose sigh worms its way out of his chest. He pushes the door open and steps out. 

The rest of the day is spent teaching Itadori Yuuji about the sanctity of being young and simpleminded. Sorcery isn’t child’s play — especially when there are lives involved. He watches as Itadori’s face crumbles at the mention of the transfigured humans. He wants to comfort him, place a hand on his shoulder and tell him that it isn’t his fault.  

They have a quick debrief of the situation with Ijichi before parting ways. Nanami shoulders his burden once more, watching as the car pulls away in the direction of Yoshino’s home. 

As night falls, Nitta drives you home. She’s chatty, serious about her job and does it well. You smile when she gushes about how lovely Nanami must be at home, and, oh! Do tell him to lighten up at work. 

You thank her when she drops you off. As you walk through the lobby of your apartment complex, you make a routine stop by the mailboxes. Junk, bills and… a box? You flip it over to see who it’s addressed to; perhaps Nanami had ordered something online. However, your name is printed neatly across the label.

The first thing you do when you get home is to open the box. It’s small, probably not more than a hand’s breadth in length. Your pen knife slices through the tape cleanly and when you push aside the flaps, you spot two velvet boxes sitting in a mess of paper filler. Your fingers tremble when you pull one of them out and open it. 

A silver ring sits in the furrow of a cushion with Nanami’s name on the inside. Your heart skips a beat and you reach into the cardboard to pull out the second ring box. This one is a little larger, with your name engraved on the interior side of the band. It must be Nanami’s, then.

It’s already well past 6p.m. as you dial his number with your lower lip between your teeth. You pace around the house, bouncing on the balls of your feet. What were these meant to be? Promise rings? Engagement rings? You hadn’t dared to slip the one with Nanami’s name engraved onto your finger just yet.

“Hello?” 

Nanami’s breathing is laboured. Your heart falls and you stop in the middle of your living room, staring ahead at nothing.

“Ken? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Just… just a little hurt. It’s nothing serious.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve called Ijichi to pick me up, don’t-”

“So it is serious, then!” you cry out in horror. 

“No, no. I said I’m fine. Look, did you receive the rings yet?”

“I did, but that’s not the point now. Are you safe?”

“I-”

You hear Nanami’s phone clatter to the ground and the thump of his body on the floor. 

“Kento?” you whisper.

He doesn’t reply. 

☆*: .｡.

You’re seated on the floor of your shared home, an oversized pajama shirt stolen from Nanami’s closet swallowing you. Sunlight pours in through an open window at two in the afternoon and the quiet hum of vehicles outside can be vaguely heard.

Clip, clip, clip.

One hand holds a nail clipper, while the other cradles Nanami’s fingers gently. The blond watches you absentmindedly while you trim his nails. He had insisted he was perfectly capable of doing them on his own, but the glare you gave him made Nanami sink back into the sofa. 

He was hurt after a fight with Mahito — the wound on his side made him grimace whenever he stood up, and Nanami found himself relying on you more than he wished to. Thankfully, he had passed out from blood loss and pain but nothing too devastating had happened. That didn’t change how concerned you were about him, though. You try to forget how you had hailed a taxi just to rush back to Jujutsu Tech to see Nanami lying in the sickbay with a blood drenched shirt. 

Nanami thinks it’s childish. When was the last time someone had clipped his nails for him? Was it his mother? A warm breeze wrings itself through the window. You run the pad of your finger over the cut edge, feeling for any sharp portions. 

Nanami stares at the top of your head. Your fingers feel uncharacteristically soft against his own calloused ones — wielding a weapon in battle wore his palms down at the end of the day. He doesn’t particularly want to admit he likes it.

Nanami is a man of truth. He hates lying, and definitely doesn’t tolerate beating around the bush. But if he spoke as he thought, told you everything he felt about you as often as it came like the wind, how would you react? He clutches his heart in the aching hand of a budding teenager, the fears of facing a cruel world fresh in his mind. 

Being a sorcerer means facing death on a daily basis, especially with the increase in curses with modern times. It doesn’t help that with both of you on the field, it means double the chances. Sorcerers never die without regrets.

Nanami wishes he could love you more, let you explore each crevice of his heart without fear of leaving you; being left behind one day. He doesn’t want to curse you if he dies. He doesn’t want to become a burden to you any more than he should be. 

Clip, clip, clip.

“Is it too short?” 

You glance up briefly at Nanami and brush the hair out of your eyes. He stares down at his fingers and feels them over with his thumb. He shakes his head.

“No, it’s fine.”

You nod and move on to his next hand. You’re systematical about it — trimming off most of the grown parts in three portions, then a couple tinier clips to finish the job off. A nail file sits on the ground beside you, the tiles of the floor cool against your bare legs.

“Hey, Ken?”

“Hmm?”

“I heard that there’s a new bakery opposite that popular department store. I was thinking of going to take a look later. Do you want me to get anything for you?”

“Nothing too sweet would be nice.”

“Okay.”

The living room falls back into a comfortable silence.

Clip, clip, clip.

☆*: .｡.

It takes a few more weeks before Nanami is cleared by Ieri to return to regular sorcery work. He tries to rest in the downtime he has, he really does — but the itch to get up and finish Mahito off has him restless. 

At this, Gojo sends Nanami and you off to Hamamatsu on another curse investigation for a change of scenery. Gojo doesn’t want to admit it, but he had mumbled to you something about taking care of Nanami’s mental health. Maybe the beach would help? You told him he sounded like a doctor from the 20th century. You’re not one to refuse a free trip outside of Tokyo, though, so you and Nanami pack your luggage and troop off to Hamamatsu on the Shinkansen. 

“Thank you.”

Nanami’s fingers curl around the ice cream cone handed to him, the sun scorching his back. It’s too hot for this; for anything, really. He makes a mental note to give Gojo a good stare of disapproval once he returns to school. 

Why did the mission have to be on the warmest day of the year? With how the heatwave makes perspiration trickle down your back, though, the dangers of facing a possible special grade curse is the least of your worries right now.

“It’s so hot!” 

You eagerly lap at the soft serve, savouring the cold, sweet treat. Nanami wanted to take a photo of the ice cream, but- oh well, you’ve begun eating, and the horrendous heat would have probably melted it before he found a good angle, anyways. 

Protected by the shade of a shopping district, Nanami and you had agreed to find refuge for a few hours — the curse could wait till the sun began to set. Besides, it would be more likely to turn up after dark. 

“How does yours taste, Ken?” you ask and peer over at his cone.

He had gotten a cookies and cream flavoured one, despite how you egged him on to try out the local eel flavour. Nanami was not going to ruin his taste buds just like that, thank you very much.

“It’s alright,” he says, licking traces of ice cream off of his lips. “Could do with a little more cookie.”

“Wanna try mine?” 

You stick your cone into Nanami’s face. He’s greeted with your half-eaten soft serve, where your tongue has made a path of its own against the original swirl. He eyes you carefully and you offer the cone to him once more.

“That’s unhygienic.”

“Oh, come on, Ken! We’ve kissed before, sharing saliva on ice cream is nothing compared to that.”

Heat rushes to his face, though Nanami assumes a composed facade. He blames it on the weather without hesitation. Not wanting you to tease him anymore, he leans forward and nips a tiny portion of your ice cream off of the tip. 

“Yummy, isn’t it?”

“Mmm.”

“Want to try mine too?” 

The words leave his lips on reflex. Nanami wonders when he’s begun letting you try his food — when he used to be so adamant that no one could even touch its container or look in its direction (thanks to Gojo’s greedy fingers). You nod excitedly and lick off of a portion. 

“It’s good!” 

What was the first time he had said it to you? Over oden in the winter; over those disgustingly sweet slurpees you insisted on from 7 11? All those small moments that had built up culminated in Nanami’s affection and understanding towards you. The way in which you offer him a bite of your food without expecting anything in return; is that what love is like? 

“You’ve got some ice cream on your face,” Nanami says.

You instinctively use your tongue and try to clean it off. “Did I get it?”

Nanami shakes his head. “It’s on this side,” he replies, pointing a spot on his own face.

You try again, to no avail. Nanami sighs.

“What would you do without me?” he asks monotonously, using the pad of his thumb to wipe it off.

You stand there, frozen for a second when he leans in. His promise ring is cold against your cheek.

“Kento?” you whisper. 

Under the light of the shining sun, he presses his lips to yours, shielding you from warm rays and the glances of passersby with his back. You let out a muffled sound of surprise as you taste cookies and cream, your eyes fluttering shut instinctively. 

Nanami isn’t a fan of public affection. God forbid Gojo see him kissing you, really. But as he leans back and watches your half-lidded eyes stare up at him, he asks himself if you’ve ever received his own sort of love in return. 

A relationship’s all about give and take; but has he given as much as he should have? Has Nanami loved you in a way that matters? Life is a fleeting concept to all sorcerers. Should he die and leave you behind, Nanami wonders if he would pass without any regrets. Did he do enough when he tugged the covers over your shoulders when you fell asleep on the sofa, was there more he could have done even after buying you that watch you had eyeballed for the past few months?

There’s that sort of incompetence that curls up in his chest on sleepless nights, even with you tucked into his side. It makes his head spin and his heart fall into a bottomless pit. With all the eyes of juniors and students that look up to him, Nanami can’t help but wonder if he’s truly as good as everyone thinks he is. Being a sorcerer holds little problem. But what about a lover, a husband?

He couldn’t save Haibara, so how dare he think about…

“Kento,” you swallow. “Ken?”

Nanami snaps out of his daze. “Huh?”

“I dropped my ice cream,” you whisper. 

He swivels his head and spots your cone face down on the sidewalk. His own cone drips down his hand, the melting liquid staining the sleeve of his suit. For once, Nanami’s mind runs blank. 

“Kento? Are you okay?” you ask gently.

“Hey,” he murmurs. 

“Mm?”

Nanami’s careful to avoid the pool of melting ice cream as he steps closer to you, lips brushing the shell of your ear. Your breath hitches as his cologne invade your senses.

“I love you. Let’s get married.”

[loominggaia]

Anonymous asked:

Inspired by another anons post and everything mentioned here about the green pact and advanced tech. I’m guessing it would not be to big a stretch to say that many of the nymphs heavy handed approach’s to making the peoples go green are actually having the opposite effect? Like nymphs overly bitch about and take action to demonize technological advancement, but the harsher they become about it the more and more it drives the people away from Gaia and towards tech?

 I know a similar phenomenon happened in the lore of Werewolf the Apocalypse, being one of the major defining historical events in werewolf history that drove humans away from Gaia and the Wyld and right into the arms of the Weaver and Wyrm. Basically ancient humans where growing to fast and were being swayed by the tech of the weaver and the corrupting power of the wyrm, werewolves being Gaia’s warrior and servants of the wyld thought they could restore balance by an event called the “Impurgeum” 

Basically the werewolves committed recurring genocides against primitive humanity in an effort to keep their numbers under control and violently remind them of their place on Gaia. The Garou believed this would actually keep humans under control and keep them in line with gaia and the wyld, of course it had the opposite effect. It drove humans away from the wylds influence, making them fear and hate wild places. Diving deeper into the weavers influences to build cities and weapons for defense.

And under the wyrms corrupting offers of power in exchange for destruction, many leaders took to actively destroying these wild places with pollution in the wyrms service. Ultimately the werewolves hade to call off the impurgium as by that point humans had unintentionally with the werewolves help become so powerful and defiant towards nature the werewolves could no longer contain them and where at risk of humans claiming revenge against them. Is something like this happening on Gaia right now?

Actually yes, this is basically what’s happening in the Zareen and Damijana Empires (and the ruins of the Burmek Commonwealth, to a lesser extent).

At this point, Zareen and Damijana are just too advanced to ever go backwards. It’s too late. They’ve polluted their territory so badly that they can’t farm on their soil or drink from their rivers anymore, so they can’t return to stone age living even if they wanted to. The pollution they caused will take thousands of years to break down.

Because of this, these nations are stuck in a war with the feral nymphs that has no end until one faction completely destroys the other. Either these empires collapse or all the nymphs die. At this point, these empires feel they have no choice but to actively pollute the land on purpose because pollution keeps nymphs away. Zareen Empire actually salts the earth around its borders to prevent titan nymphs from growing there. They refuse to impose restrictions on industry because they WANT a certain amount of smog in the air at all times--it chokes out any nymphs who may attack from the air.

I think in “Chains of Melody” it’s mentioned that feral undine are struggling to attack the villages of southern Evik because the waters are so polluted, they can’t stay in them for very long. So while the pollution is killing the Zareenites, it’s ironically also protecting them from nymphs to a degree.

Obviously this pollution makes things worse for everyone in the long-term, but Zareenites don’t really care about long-term consequences because they’re short-term people. Their civilization thrives on capitalism and short-term profits. The lifespans of their mostly-commoner populations are short. So ultimately no one here really gives a shit about Gaia as long as they die with a coffin full of money.

The Damijani have more of a long-term plan by colonizing the moon.  They’re just throwing trash everywhere because they’re leaving this planet anyway and don’t care what happens to it after they’re gone. Chieftess Serafeen actually has plans to ditch this pollutive way of life and create a green, self-sustaining utopia once they arrive.

Hope that makes sense!

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

[messinwitheddie]

okay this one's for purple (or any tallest that feels like answering this), what's it like only having use of two digits? how long did it take to basically re-learn how to use your hands?

Purple "I can only speak for myself and to a lesser extent, for Red, but for us, losing our thumbs were a PAIN in the spooch chute. Granted, most upgraded Irken tech and ships are pretty hands free, but it still took me decades to relearn how to do simple tasks like write with a stylus or feed myself with any efficiency. Certain things are modified to better suit my hands like game controllers or remotes.

We cheat and use thumb attachments on our gauntlets too, if it's not essential for the occasion to stay in our traditional robes. Service drones take care of the more difficult chores like binding and dressing us. Greet the inquisitive creature, coordinator."

Shooraz "Greetings! I'm Shooraz. This is my first day."

Purple "Simmer down, drone. Nonone asked."

Shooraz "Woops. Gotchya, my tallest."

Purple "He's easy enough on the eyes for a shortie, but he's no Yeet." *sighs "Most things I care to bother to do myself I can acomplish no problem, like snack or hold a soda or smoke an amber pipe. I can still throw a mean sting ball, but my accuracy isn't what it was before the ceremonial severing. I was good; ZIKKING good. Never made it to the elite leagues or anything, but I DID kill a few guys. A tallest can reminisce, right?"

Shooraz "Never knew that about you. I played as a cadet, if you ever feel like charging your wings, sir."

Purple "That's thoughtful, Shoo, but my slowest throw is 120 mph and I gave Yeet my word I would be gentle with you."

Shooraz "Appreciate it, my tallest."

Purple "Shhhh. Shoo. Simmer. Down."

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week: 2021-03-01

First Monday of the Month. My boss just quit at work which means I'm now the only formally trained engineer left who has any particular specialization in embedded systems. This week is going to be a doozy.

I also wrote a Very Long set of media updates because I’ve been consuming some stuff that makes me think a lot. Never a good sign.

Listening: I spent all of Saturday playing Minecraft after talking with some friends about it during the week on IRC. Practicing what I preach with regards to my Large Biome Supermacy policy, which does involve a lot of walking. Hence, I started catching up on The Adventure Zone: Graduation again, I'm like ten episodes behind.

https://maximumfun.org/episodes/adventure-zone/the-adventure-zone-graduation-ep-32-by-a-haircut/

I don't really enjoy Travis' DM'ing style. It's very loose and he has a tendency to let players run wild without much structure which is a tricky thing to handle. He does a lot of worldbuilding and character design but doesn't seem to plan much in the way of arcs. That pays off sometimes (returning to the school to realize they broke a promise they made a few sessions earlier and had to deal with consequences, for example) and when it does, it’s really good, but it's finnicky. I know DM's who can do that, but, well, actually I know One Single DM who can do that well and she's absurdly smart.

Reading: Still on Worm, I just got past chapter 8 or so now. It lives in my phone browser so I've mostly been reading it whenever I get some spare time, which is a good sign. If a book doesn't grab me I need to really settle down in a quiet space to avoid getting distracted, but I can read Worm while someone else is on the phone in the same room.

It is a story with a lot of very well-conveyed feelings and events. It's very easy to imagine yourself in it. Characters actually act like they care about what they're doing, I feel like writing this took a lot of care to keep everyone on model.

There's also a certain care given to the superpowers that you'd usually only see in forum posts arguing about an actual superhero story. Everyone always likes to argue about how far you can push a superpower: can you use teleporting to fly? What prevents a speedster from catching fire in the air? Where does the energy for a  pyrokinetic ability come from? Worm takes these and runs with them as a way to make absolutely any fight become a series of gambits relying on whether a power can or cannot be used to perform some high-stakes trick.

The world certainly has some underpinning contrivances to explain why no one gets killed very often but I've always considered nitpicking the base contrivances of a setting silly, because that's precisely what they are: contrived, in order to allow the rest of the story to flow from there. Like arguing about Omega’s abilities in the famous thought experi-*I am dragged off stage by the ratblr police for making a by now extremely stale joke*

Watching: I came and edited this section in like an hour before this posts because I keep on forgetting to put it in. I don’t really like watching TV and with my parents stuck at home in Pandemic Times it’s how they pass the time.

I did finish S3 of the Good Place. It’s very funny. I’m glad I’m watching it and I’m going to have to go find S4 because ZA Netflix doesn’t have it for whatever reason. It feels a little like it was written by Phillip Pullman if Phillip Pullman was a comedy TV writer.

I also really enjoyed the PBS Spacetime video about how time causes gravity. Love when an explanation of concepts is good enough that you drawn the conclusion on your own.

Playing: Visual Novel Hell plus Minecraft.

I spent approximately seven hours in Minecraft over two days. I tend to hop in and out of games for 1-2 hours at a time but there's a handful that can suck me in for an entire day. Minecraft, Warframe, Horizon Zero Dawn, Night in the Woods. Bastion, to a lesser extent. I end up avoiding them because I don't like loosing entire days, but I wasn't really planning on doing anything this weekend anyways.

Minecraft was mostly a long-ass trek to find a saddle, because as previously mentioned, I enjoy playing it with Large Biomes for the sense of scale.

I also completed Act 3 of Psycholonials and Eliza.

Psycholonials is odd. It is doing the thing that Hussie does where it dances around what's ostensibly the story to carry out the actual story. You get used to the trope after your first encounter but it still makes you wonder when the other shoe will drop, and of course, there's no reason it ever has to. The story may remain in suspended animation behind the every growing mess of narrative red tape tying the B-plot together.

Stories about Social Media have no well established norms. I think I might pick up Feed by M. T. Anderson and also perhaps Hank Green's books sometime. See what context they set that in.

Eliza is frustrating to me. It's a game for programmers, by programmers, about programmers. I'm friends with a lot of Capital P Programmers, the types who go to university and get sniped for developer positions at Seattle or Silicon Valley tech companies and who make great and terrible things and then warn you about the deep problems that underpin the slowly rolling ball of venture capital and bloated technology that is the tech industry. But at the same time, it makes me feel like I've burnt out on that conceptually before I even went in. It’s a whole other world that I’m familiar with but very distant from. In fact, that’s kinda how I feel about Psycholonials too. I’m familiar with the social media rat race but I also don’t go there. Parallels!

My cousins (who are halfway to Capital P Programmers, only so much you can do halfway around the world from silicon valley) warned me not to go into CS, because it would bore me, and that's a non-trivial part of why I'm in Engineering. They gave the same advice about Biology and Physics, without that I may have ended up in Microbiology. it’s not my domain, but because of how Engineering is going, you end up a lot closer to programmers than you think. I found out the other day that most of the software developers on my team have no formal tertiary qualifications, which is accepted in CS but of course, right out when it comes to engineering. It’s a whole other world that I kinda expected to skip around. I might go into this another time, since this post is already getting long.

Making: I haven’t done any engineering scicomm posts on here in a while so I started a few blank drafts and finally got one off the ground. With some luck I’ll have that ready this week. What’s it about? Not saying! It might change!

I’ve been doing layout for a custom keyboard, I need to call a laser cutting place and find out what their kerf requirements are so I can adjust the path accordingly. Wouldn’t do to burn a couple hundred rand on an oversized part, I’m paying for this, not my employer like the other times I’ve done laser cutting, so I’m probably not going to spring for getting one of their designers to check my design. At some point I should CAD up a chassis, but at the same time I might just buy some wood and go ham with a router once I get the plates cut.

Computers Slot: I got WeeChat set up properly on my desktop, which technically was just a matter of getting my SSH keys moved over. It’s taking me forever to move in to Cinnabar, in part because Stibnite lost her boot partition and I haven’t bothered to fix it.

So here’s a pitch for WeeChat as a good quality Terminal UI IRC Client. Many of my closest friends live there and it has a good set of tools to help me keep in touch.

WeeChat is very configurable but with perfectly sane defaults, I didn’t configure it for years. The UI is smarter and less arcane than something like irssi, and if you enable mouse support it can be downright modern. Running it remotely like this limits some features but as long as you don’t mind jumping through a few hoops to do filesharing, IRC is really great like this.

One of the big ones is the ability to do that double-pane thing, I can keep an eye on two channels at once (really as many as I can cram on my screen, but usually two) which is great when you want to browse channels while talking in your home channel.

It also has a good array of remote access tools, from what I’m running up there, just weechat running on my server inside tmux connected over mosh for low-latency SSH, to weechat-relay, a relay protocol built in to weechat. At the moment relay only supports android phones and the glowingbear web client, but I’ve never really looked around since both of those cover all my needs. Easily one of the best ways to get IRC on a modern mobile device, barring maybe IRCCloud.

[some-cookie-crumbz]

TodoDeku with a baby using prompt 10?

Guess who took this prompt and went way overboard with it? This dweeb! *points at self*

Also, Trigger Warning: Mentions/References to Experimentation on Children, Mentions/ References to Child Neglect/ Abuse.

Parenting was a strange, exciting event that, while Todoroki Shouto adored, occasionally left him grasping at straws.

His own upbringing had been anything but soft and comforting. There had been the brief moments of reprieve with his mother or older sister, but they were far and few between; especially after the scalding incident. As he grew up, however, he began to come out of his own shell and begin picking up the pieces from his shattered youth. He developed a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor that people seemed to enjoy. He went out of his way to bumble awkwardly through befriending people he admired, boasting a small but close social circle that his younger self had thought was only a dream.

And he fell helplessly in love with Midoriya Izuku, the man who started these changes in him, and the two had started a family together a few years after marrying.

He had been nervous but thrilled about the whole prospect. While his own experience with parenting was dark and scarring – literally �� he felt good about how he and Izuku would manage. The two of them were a strong couple and were very vocal about their needs and wants. They had a great support system in their friends, Inko and All Might, Rei and Shouto’s siblings, and – to a much lesser and restricted extent – Endeavor. They had done their research into what options were available for them and then started on the grueling process of being approved through both means; the first being adoption, and the second being assisted by a medical professional with an accommodating Quirk. Due to reform acts in the justice system – and Shouto would forever be grateful for those changes, all things considered – the process was a bit more complex for Pros, and especially so for a married couple that were both Pros.

But, after a full fourteen months of paperwork, appointments, interviews and home evaluations, they received their approval letter. And then, a few months later, on November 12th, they brought home their son, Todoroki Satoshi.

Satoshi was born via the assistance of a Quirk user, meaning he was biologically related to Shouto and Izuku. Just based on appearance, his relation to the Todoroki family was clear; he had the crimson locks and steel toned eyes and pale complexion. His hair did, however, have that same natural curl that Izuku's did, making it a nightmare to tame as it grew longer. Aside from his appearance, though, as he got older, more of his behavior was also derived from his Papa. He had more confidence in him than either Shouto or Izuku had at his age but that was compounded by being incredibly emotional and a bit of a crybaby. Toshi was near as quick to tears as his Papa had been a long time ago, but a part of Shouto was grateful for it. He liked that he was comfortable enough with himself to be so vulnerable and transparent with his feelings.

And then, when he was just a few weeks shy of four, there had been the manifestation of his Quirk, which had been... Well, a shit show, to put it in the most honest of terms. They’d been over at the Todoroki estate so the kids could visit with their cousins, aunts, uncles and Rei, the little cluster of seven children running to and fro chasing a ball in the yard. Shouto had been pleased to watch his children get to play with their family, delighted by the excited squeals and shouts coming from them all. But then, after a few minutes, Satoshi had come running over, all watery eyes and choked wails about how his throat hurt and it was hard to breath, little fingers clawing at his neck as if that would soothe his pain. He and Izuku were immediately rushing to get him in his Papa’s arms for a leap to the nearest emergency room, when he suddenly squirmed and pushed away, putting a bit of distance between himself and Izuku, turned his head to the side and unleashed an impressive blast of fire from his mouth, scorching a large tree not too far off into nothing but smoldering kindling. He and Izuku had stared at the murdered tree before looking at each other and then down at their son, who had slumped back against his Papa’s chest with a small whine. “I thought I was gonna puke,” he mumbled sheepishly. They had nodded awkwardly, not sure how else to respond, before Shouto excused himself to get the little tot some water.

Rei had been the one with the most insight of how to help them manage his newfound abilities, citing how she had managed Touya and Shouto when their Quirks first presented and they hadn’t started training with Endeavor. She suggested some small game-like exercises that would help Satoshi figure out how to make the Quirk work when he wanted, as well as give him some insight to when his Quirk was activating and he couldn’t stop it. A few days later, Endeavor had approached Shouto with the information for a support tech group that specialized in making customized home materials - such as sheets and clothes and the like - for children still learning to manage their Quirks. “Let them know I advised you speak with them and they should offer you a discount,” he had said. And that was the end of it, much to Shouto’s surprised pleasure.

Furthermore, getting in touch with Izuku's father had been a huge help, too. Satoshi's fire-breathing Quirk was significantly stronger than the elder Midoriya's was, but it seemed the backlash was similar. Overextending the Quirk could lead to dehydration - which had been learned quickly, given how excitedly he'd shown his Quirk off initially - and, when pushed too far, had actually torn his throat up enough to make him cough up some blood. The bigger struggle with him was maintaining control of how far and large the blast was. Almost a year after the fact, Satoshi was still learning in regards to those aspects of it, but had made great strides in his ability to control when the fire was used. It had been a month since the last time his Quirk went unruly and almost set a fire while he was sleeping and that was no small accomplishment.

And then there was their daughter, who came home just a short while after Satoshi turned a year old.

She was found through work. Or, rather, Izuku found her as part of an investigation he was assigned to. Shouto didn't know the specifics since he wasn't one of the Pros on the mission, but he knew it was disgusting; something involving experimentation to see about accelerating the development process for Quirks. All 78 test subjects had been children - some as old as eleven and their daughter being the youngest at only three months old - and it had rattled his husband to the core, seeing the state they were all in and how they'd been treated leading up to the sting. For the next two weeks, Izuku went to the hospital every night to visit with the children, checking their progress and hoping for the best. Once Shouto found out why he was going, he would join him when he could.

It was through this he learned specifically of Girl 36, the label attached to the youngest victim.

Of the 78 children, only 23 ended up surviving the ordeal; and of that, only 7 were reunited with their biological families while the rest needed to be rehomed completely. Girl 36 turned out to be biologically related to two of the main villains involved in the whole experiment who were still at large. Neither side of the villains' families wanted her, though, seeing her as a reminder of where their bloodlines had gone wrong. Her fate had seemed further sealed when a doctor had told them outright that she, as the youngest, was least likely to make it much longer. "While she hasn't been subjected to as much experimentation as some of the others," he said patiently, "she is very young and very small. For an infant of her age to have been this mistreated and neglected, the odds of bouncing back may as well be negative digits. We'll keep doing all we can, but we're mostly just trying to make sure she is as comfortable as possible when the inevitable occurs."

And she had been so small, so fragile, appearing as if an odd look would be enough to break her, that Shouto couldn't blame the doctor for his assessment. He peered down at her, tucked away in a little incubator of sorts, hooked up to far too many machines, and saw her little eyes crack open. Pumpkin colored slivers stared up at he and Izuku, a small spark there, and he knew. He knew that even if no one else believed that she could pull through, that she was strong and she would beat those impossible odds. That night, Shouto suggested they apply to adopt her. Izuku had wept in joy, confessing he had wanted to ask but wasn't sure how to approach it, and they started the process the following morning. It took six weeks for things regarding the adoption to be finalized, and then five more after before she was medically cleared to be discharged, but it was all well worth it.

Her birth date was determined to be some time in early May, with the doctor deciding the tenth seemed like a good day, and she sat at six months old when she came home on November 24th. They had selected the name Momiji for her because with her red-brown hair and orange eyes she seemed to be the living embodiment of fall aesthetics. So, naming her after the leaves that fell in the season she came home in only made sense. It was a little difficult at first, balancing their work with two children under the ages of two and one who needed a bit of extra care and monitoring, but they figured it out and were happy. Toshi enjoyed having a little sister to play with and Momiji started to thrive under the watchful eyes of her new, loving family.

But Momiji was rather different than Satoshi as she got older. She was easily excitable and an absolute chatterbox and seemed to have boundless energy. Furthermore, despite how much she had needed to be monitored, she was already significantly more independent than her brother. Part of that, though, could have been a side effect of how early on her Quirk ended up presenting. She had just barely been two years old when it happened, and while not unheard of, had become rather uncommon. The doctor explained that this was most likely a side effect of the experimentation she’d been put through, as it was a recurring theme with some of the other younger children that had lived. It had happened while she was in the bath before bedtime, as she was squealing and happily splashing about while Izuku laughed at her antics. One minute, she was in the tub, and then she suddenly perked up, her giggles cutting off as she blinked. “Momi?” Izuku had asked, tilting his head at her.

She patted at her belly and looked up at him, as if that would answer the question, and then she was enveloped in a yellow-white mist of light. It was brief - less than three seconds, Izuku swore - but when it faded, Momiji was gone. In her room, however, where Shouto had been pulling out some clean pajamas for her, the mist-light appeared, and suddenly Momiji was there, sitting on her changing table and dripping water all over it. Shouto remembered the two of them gawking at each other for a full five seconds before she took in a little gasp and said, nonchalant as a toddler could be, “Oh, hi Daddy.”

Teleportation, it was deemed medically, but Izuku liked to call it Peek-A-Boo, given its sporadic nature.

They'd had to do quite a bit of research to better understand her Quirk; specifically in that they had to drudge up the files of her genetic donors, since Shouto refused to apply the word "parent" to villains like that. Their Quirks were called Locator and Mistafy respectively; one could pinpoint a person's exact coordinates with enough information about them, while the other could briefly transform their body into a faint mist to move around or past things. Learning the limitations of their powers helped give them more insight with Momiji's own Quirk. She didn't have a particularly large range and she was limited to places she knew the layout of to a certain extent, so they didn't have to worry about her poofing off the property, at least. There had been one scare, though, when she'd teleported herself into a small crawl space under the house, where she had apparently burrowed into during a few rounds of hide-and-seek before. She could poof from room to room when visiting Inko and All Might or Rei and Endeavor, what with her being familiar with their homes, but she couldn't just appear in a neighbor's home or something.

And that had been a huge relief, really. They'd had to start working on her Quirk early on to avoid her “peeking” - as they preferred to call it - herself somewhere she shouldn't, or somewhere dangerous like the time with the crawl space. They had done it using little games, just like they did with Toshi, and learned that she could also teleport small objects, as well as that overworking her Quirk would lead to fainting spells. She was also a quick study, picking up on the same ticks of her power that her parents had and taking their advice or warning very seriously. Despite being younger, she was better with her Quirk than Satoshi, having reached a point where she seemed to have near-flawless control of it. Her last incident of accidental peeking was nearly three months ago.

But her Quirk was also part of what had Shouto's mind working in overdrive. He had voiced his concern to Rei and Inko, but the pair of them had merely giggled about what a mother hen he was being, fretting over his little chick running the roost a bit more. It wasn't about that, though! It wasn't about her being able to brush her teeth on her own without needing to be asked, or getting herself drinks or anything trivial like that! Shouto was fine that Momiji and Satoshi were already showing differences in who they were growing to be. What he worried about was what the catalyst for her to be so self-reliant at her young age was. How much of her independence was just part of her personality, and how much of it was out of a perceived sense of necessity? Had the need to get a handle on her Quirk led to her feeling like she was obligated to be more responsible, more mature? Was she feeling the same way he felt growing up?

That was what scared him. That she was carrying far too much weight on her little shoulders.

The thought was still bothering him as he dragged himself home after a late night patrol. He knew that by the time he got home, Izuku and the kids would most likely already be in bed. It was a quarter past eleven by the time he came through the door. He made a beeline for the bedroom, being quiet as he did so, and took a quick shower. It was as he was finishing up her pre-bed route that he noticed a quiet rustling sound in the bedroom proper. He rinsed his mouth and poked his head out, flicking the light off as he did.

There was a small squeak of surprise and then the soft patter of footsteps rushing from the left side of the bed towards the door. For a moment, he almost thought it was Toshi, but the figure was a smidge too short. "Momiji," he called softly, resisting the urge to dart over and scoop her up. He kept telling himself to just let her do what she needed to do, to trust that she'd speak up if needed.

She paused in reaching for the door before letting out a whimper, charging at him, latching to his right leg, and started crying. He was stunned by the act for a second, his body wavering slightly. Normally when she wanted one of them, she'd use her Quirk to get to them faster. He shifted to pick her up and cradle her against him, tucking her into his right shoulder. He kept one arm looped under her legs while the other stroked her back, trying to soothe her some. The quiet rustle of covers caught his attention and he turned to see a groggy Izuku sitting up, rubbing one eye with the heel of a hand. The minute he realized what was going on, though, he was wide awake. "What happened?" he mouthed.

"I'm not sure," he mouthed back. He moved over to the bed, carefully slipping into his side while keeping her close. Once he was settled, Izuku moved closer so he could rest against Shouto’s left side and reach out to help soothe their little girl, the three of them all squished together. After a few moments of soft words and gentle reassurances, she settled down a little. Her tiny body still shuddered with each breath in, but her cries had quieted down and her tears had subsided to just small sniffles. “Feeling a little better?” he prompted.

“Mmhmm,” she mumbled, letting out another little sniffle.

Izuku reached over and gently wiped away the last few tears from her cheeks. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I had a bad d-dream,” she said, a hiccup causing her to stumble over the last word. She peeked her little eyes at them before tilting her head to nuzzle further into Shouto, hiding her face. “I kept peeking over and over and I didn’t know where I was and I couldn’t make it st-stop and it was s-su-super s-s-sc-ary!”

Shouto tilted his head to press a small kiss to the top of her head as she started to work herself up into another fit while Izuku started wiping away the new batch of tears. "Oh, Momi, it's okay. It's okay to have scary dreams," Izuku cooed softly.

"N-Nu-uh!" she protested, burrowing her face into Shouto.

Izuku let out a small sigh as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Oh, sweetie, everyone has scary dreams sometimes,"

"N-Not about their Q-Quirks!" she hiccupped, lifting her head to scowl at him. With the watery eyes and trembling lower lip, though, any attempt at intimidation was lost. "M-Mako-Kun doesn't g-get sc-scared of his Q-Quirk! A-And neither do Kaito or Reo or Isamu or Hibari!” The mention of Fuyumi’s kids was unsurprising, but the first one she mentioned did catch Shouto a bit off guard. Mako was the neighbor boy, a middle school student that occasionally walked Satoshi home and who helped his mom babysit them when neither Shouto or Izuku were going to be off of work on time or had anyone else available. His Quirk had something to do with generating poison and anti-venom, from what Shouto recalled, but he couldn't remember the specifics. Something to ask Izuku about later, since he'd most likely know.

"Well, Mako-Kun has had his Quirk a lot longer than you. I'm sure he was scared of it a little bit at first, too," Izuku chimed in softly, though he seemed a bit unsure of himself. Shouto knew that Izuku didn’t have any first hand experience with dealing with a Quirk at a young age, but they hadn’t discussed that fact with the kids yet. They were still only five and four, respectively, and they worried the pair would let the secret slip. They both knew that both kids tended to brag about who their dads were, after all.

Shouto hummed in agreement, carding a hand through her hair. “Papa’s right. Everyone's a little scared of their Quirk when they’re still learning about it. Why, I was afraid of my Quirk for a really long time,” he commented.

Momiji’s head snapped up lightning fast at that, looking at him like he’d just rocked the entire foundation of her world. “What? But you’re Daddy! A Hero! You’re not scared of nothing!” she squawked.

He laughed quietly, gently stroking her hair again to coax her to lie back down. “I wasn’t a Hero back then; I was little, like you. And even now, I might be a Hero, but there are still things I’m afraid of,” he mused.

“Like what?” she chirped, slowly settling back down, resting her chin on him and tilting her head so she could stare up at him.

“Well, I’m scared of something happening to you, or Papa, or Satoshi. I’m scared of not doing a good job as a Hero, or as a parent,” he admitted.

“And scorpions,” Izuku chimed in helpfully.

Shouto cast him a side glance before lightly pinched his belly in retaliation, causing the other to throw his face into a pillow with a muffled giggle. “Scorpions are icky!” Momiji agreed with a little shudder.

“Yes, they are,” he agreed, turning his attention back to her. “But back to the Quirk thing… I was very scared of my Quirk when I was around your age. I was always worried about hurting someone with it.”

“So what did you do?” she mumbled softly. “When you got scared?”

For a moment, he wasn’t sure what to tell her. He didn’t want to lie and pretend that he had parents that he could actively seek comfort from, but he also didn’t think that unpacking his childhood trauma on his daughter was responsible. His own childhood coping mechanisms also weren’t the best. But, he realized, there was something he could offer up. “Well, I would take a little break from using it,” It was a half truth at best, since he was pretty sure that ‘a little break’ didn’t extend to ‘nearly a decade of non-use’, but it was mostly true once he started actively using his fire. It had taken him time to get used to it and, sometimes, he’d struggle and get frustrated or scared. “I’d go do other things, like reading a book or studying notes, and just not really think about my Quirk until I felt ready.”

She hummed and nodded quietly, shifting to nuzzle closer to him again. “Mkay,” she said simply.

“Do you feel better, baby?” Izuku asked softly, resting his head against Shouto’s chest and getting himself comfortable.

“Mmhmm,” she hummed before opening her mouth wide in a yawn. She smacked her lips a bit and burrowed into Shouto, little hand curling in the fabric of his night shirt and her eyes sliding closed. “Can I sleep here?”

The pair of them exchanged amused looks. As if they were going to shoo the poor thing back to her room, especially when she was already so comfy and content. “Of course you can,” Shouto hummed, pressing another kiss to the top of her head.

“Love you, Daddy, Papa,” she yawned, eyes cracking open briefly as she flashed them a little smile before they fluttered closed again.

Shouto carefully curled his arm around her to keep her close while Izuku settled one of his hands on top of hers, thumb gently stroking the top. Once her breaths started to come in even, steady puffs, green eyes flashed upwards with affectionate exasperation. “This little girl, I swear. She just jumps from hysterical to dubious to exhausted like it’s nothing,” he chuckled.

“Well, she is our daughter. Emotional extremes are kind of our thing in this family,” he teased back, grin widening when Izuku whined and ducked his face into his shoulder. “And, I mean, I don’t blame her for being exhausted. Being scared can be very tiring.”

“Hmm,” Izuku agreed, turning his head to look at her again. She was completely peaceful now, little sleepy snores escaping her. “Do you think that part of it is because she doesn’t spend a whole lot of time with other kids her age? I mean, she has play dates with everyone elses kids when we can find the time, but the kids she sees the most often are bigger kids. Or perhaps it’s a matter of her Quirk being so different from the rest of the family and her friends? I mean, most of the other kids have more expansive Quirks that aren’t so directly tethered to their spatial awareness.”

“I’ll call Momo tomorrow and see what preschool program she and Kyoka are thinking about putting Shikako in. Perhaps being with a peer that she knows whose Quirk also has an element of unpredictability will help her feel comfortable. Or at least give her someone her own age that relates to help her feel better about it,” he commented. Shikako had been another of the rescued survivors from the same incident as Momiji, though she was a few months older. She had been living with a different family for the first six months after the incident, but then her Quirk presented. It turned out to be Projection; she could temporarily bring things she imagined to life. Because of how similar her Quirk seemed to work to Momo’s, she and Kyoka had immediately jumped to take her in when her first family admitted to not knowing how to manage her Quirk, happy to offer her a safe and loving home.

“You’re amazing,” Izuku said, leaning up to kiss him quickly before settling back down. Shouto smiled and relaxed into the bed, basking in the weight of his husband and daughter pressing down on him. There was going to be some phone calls to make in the morning and there was still work to be done, but he felt relieved to know their daughter wasn’t afraid to open up and seek comfort from them.

He held her a little tighter, though, just in case the lingering fears tried to disturb her again.

[anettrolikova]

Disney’s brand new direct-to-consumer platform acquired 30MM subscribers.

Disney has many of the franchises that best lend themselves to this model. Many of those they don’t own, such as Harry Potter, have their rights fragmented.

Disney’s Parks & Attractions segment generates nearly 100% more revenue and 60% more profit than Disney’s studio division (which already generates nearly three times the revenue AND three times the gross margins as its primary competitors). By turning hit films into theme park attractions, not only does Disney generate more “upside” from a hit than its competitors do, Disney’s breakeven point for these films is also much lower.

There is nothing that can compare to the impact of a child being hugged by her heroes. The ability to enjoy your favorite IP as “you” is unique and lasts a lifetime. Consider, for example, how many families have Disneyland photos of their kids with Mickey or Woody on the fridge.

because of real estate scarcity, lengthy build times, enormous capital requirements (exacerbated by Baumol’s Cost Disease), Disney’s theme parks, resorts, and cruises are incredibly difficult to replicate by another Western media company

It is incredibly profitable and will continue to grow as new mobile technology/personalization enhance the park-going experience. The barriers to replication are incredibly high and span both fixed investment (land and infrastructure) and skillset (e.g. design and boots-on-the-ground operations).

“Disneyland is an experience involving many moving parts in harmony, like an orchestra. Everything has to be tuned, what you hear, what you smell, what you see, how you see it, the speed at which you assimilate all of that, just like a film, is choreographed. But how do you choreograph that if you don't control the camera, because the camera is you — it's you when you come to Disneyland".

Games have been on the cusp of these experiences for years, but in 2020, they’re well under way. These are “games” like Minecraft, Fortnite, Roblox, to a lesser extent GTA Online, and Pokémon Go.

These titles offer many unique advantages compared to their analogue analogues. For example, they are always “open”, “everywhere”, “full of your friends”, and impervious to COVID-19. These games also boast an even larger (i.e. infinite) number of attractions and rides, none of which need be bound by the laws of physics or the need for physical safety, and all of which can be rapidly updated and personalized.

The durability and scalability of these experiences are connected to why they’re so hard to define. To consider them a “game” is to consider iOS a phone, or Disneyland a specific Pirates of the Caribbean roller coaster.

these parks were designed to (or have since been converted to) allow for anyone to be an “Imagineer”. The developers of these titles aren’t trying to make a “game” but a “game engine” that allows everyone to create and share their own attraction.

nearly every game that could be recreated in Minecraft has been (e.g. Metroid). Corporations have built in-game cellphones capable of making live video calls to the real world using real world physics, users have built enormous explorable worlds based on existing IP (e.g. Game of Thrones' King's Landing, which is the size of Los Angeles) and new ones (one player spent 16 hours a day for a year building a 370 million block cyberpunk city).

nearly every game that could be recreated in Minecraft has been (e.g. Metroid). Corporations have built in-game cellphones capable of making live video calls to the real world using real world physics, users have built enormous explorable worlds based on existing IP (e.g. Game of Thrones' King's Landing, which is the size of Los Angeles) and new ones (one player spent 16 hours a day for a year building a 370 million block cyberpunk city).

In this sense, these “digital theme parks” are really “digital theme park platforms”. Last year, Roblox paid out $100MM to developers (i.e. 1-20 person teams) against more than $500MM in UGC-based revenue. And in September, the company launched a “Marketplace” that allows developers to monetize not just their games, but also any assets, plug-ins, vehicles, 3D models, terrains, and items they made for it. This means developers can both reduce the time/effort required to create on Roblox, and receive additional revenue from the time/effort they invest.

the billions of hours American children spent imagining and acting out the adventures of Luke Skywalker and the Jedi with the 1970s and 1980s with figurines, robes, and lightsabers. However, this expansive imagination was forever trapped in brainwaves, backyards, and basements. It was hard enough to share these imaginary stories and world with close, in-person friends, let alone to faraway and unknown ones.

Today, it’s possible for the average fan to actually translate their imagination into a real, virtual space and then share it and play in it with their friends and world at large. And not only is it cool to do so, there are many companies designed around facilitating, promoting, and financially rewarding this behavior

most people don’t need or want to “make” a website or app. Billions, however, do dream of fictional worlds and wish they could share them with their friends. Just as tens of millions spent decades wishing they could build their own Super Mario levels — and now millions do via Super Mario Maker, which is one of the ten best-selling “games” on the Nintendo Switch.

Nearly every one of the underlying drivers behind these digital theme park platforms is growing: (1) their user bases; (2) the per user engagement; (3) the number and diversity of the experiences created by the community; (4) the ease with which a “player” can discover and jump from one experience to another; (5) the ease of creating an experience; (6) the technical and experiential capabilities of these engines/tools/experiences; (7) the ease and extent to which you can monetization individual creations (from individual assets to games); and (8) the importance of virtual worlds to the overall future of the Internet.

these digital theme park platforms own the overall customer relationship, billing, and all engagement data. But the core game engines are the most defensible; like the land and physical infrastructure of a park, they are built up over decades and impossible to fully short-cut. This includes not just enormous codebases, but years of enhancements to the end-to-end platform (e.g. core tech, tutorials, UI/X, community services) based on billions of hours of developer and consumer-side usage.

It’s likely that soon we’ll see D2C consumer product companies begin building their own bespoke experiences inside digital theme park platforms; the age of growth-hacking via referral codes, native podcast ads, SEO, and social is over.

The good news is more digital theme park platforms are likely to emerge.

although a new digital theme park platform is inevitable, the odds are low, the total opportunities are few, and the timelines long. In addition, it’s unclear how many platforms for UGC world creation are needed — just as most creators and consumers rely only YouTube or Twitch. Runners-up exist but are much, much smaller.

Disney could have ended up with one of these platforms with its multi-franchise “open world” sandbox-style video game, “Disney Infinity”. The game first released in 2013, received widespread acclaim, and generated a reported $200-300MM in revenue over the first three years. Despite this topline, the game’s performance nevertheless fell short of Disney’s $1B internal target and, with that in mind, presumably well short of breakeven, too. It was cancelled in 2016.

At Disneyland, attractions don’t open until they’re both complete, “perfect”, and predictable. There’s no real test, learn, change, repeat approach — especially compared to live, public experiments such as the Fortnite blackout. Hugs must be perfectly executed.

Every IP owner will need to figure out how to participate in digital theme parks and platforms — to figure out how to execute a digital version of the physical “hug”. This is especially true for those that don’t even have physical theme parks and for which the alternative — building one — would take more than a decade and $20B+ in capital.

“Detail level one is when you are standing out in the countryside and see the church steeple sticking up above the trees. Detail level two is when you enter town and are looking down the street. You can see the street, the median, the parkway strips, sidewalks, and trees. Detail level three is when you are standing on the sidewalk looking at one of the houses. You can see the character of the house, walls, roof, windows, trim, and doors. Detail level four is when you have actually walked up to the front door, grabbed the door knocker, see its detail, finish, and feel its temperature and weight as you knock on the door… most architects are pretty good at getting to level three, but here at Disney we must always get to the detail level four so we can maintain our immersive environments that our stories create”.

It is easy to say, “we can’t do it”, “we’ve tried and failed”, or “what even is the roadmap here”. These are fair and important rejoinders. However, as the “Imagineering Story” frequently reiterates, nobody at Disney had built a theme park, or had any relevant experience (other than narrative) before Walt insisted they do it. And it was messy, and uncertain, and chaotic, with the business folks (which I say with love as I am one) who were terrified of the cost, skeptical of the demand and long-term interest, and rattled by the lack of a clear business case. Note, too, that today’s leading platforms will, themselves admit they hardly know what they’re doing — and how can they? But of course, it helps when you can grow by letting your most imaginative and obsessive fans chip in.

[kinetic-elaboration]

January 27: 2x04 Mirror Mirror

Had some technical difficulties but finally managed to watch Mirror Mirror. (Now I’m very tired.)

I see these aliens are more intense pacifists than Spock.

When Kirk says “But we won’t [force you], consider that,” right over his shoulder and into camera, it looks like he’s posing for a commercial.

Ah ha, the Classic Transporter Accident. (Aka how that became a classic trope lol.)

I love that they zero in on Spock’s beard first thing, like that’s the weirdest part of this universe.

Oh no, the agonizer!

So my big question is: do all the ISS Captains wear that gold vest or is it a Kirk thing? I just find it very funny that the men in the mirrorverse wear about the same amount of clothing as in the regular universe, and the ladies wear a lot less...and then there’s Kirk, conspicuously showing off his arms. Vests are NOT regulation!

When does he get a chance to record his log? And wouldn’t it be... recorded in the mirrorverse?

Kirk’s salute is hilarious. Uh, yeah, salute and wave, I guess??

He’s really focused on Spock. “Another ship. Another Spock.”

Kirk’s patented reassuring upper arm grab.

Uhura on the bridge! You can’t tell she’s nervous because she’s brave and strong.

This episode, and to a lesser extent The Naked Time, are why I think Sulu has a thing for her. I know it’s a different universe, but I still think it’s true.

Kirk’s salute is getting better. More confident.

He just doesn’t know how to be evil. He’s too good, too pure.

Hmmm, Security Chief Sulu? He really does have a lot of interests.

I wonder what Vulcan is like in this universe. They are still clearly post-Reform. But more ruthless. Scarier. Probably meat eaters.

Damn little Chekov. Just waiting for his chance to mutiny.

Security Chief, like the Gestapo. Did not know that was what the reference was supposed to be.

Hmm, male computer voice. This MUST be an evil universe.

“I’m a doctor, not an engineer.”

Evil Kirk strikes again! Honestly, this scene of the ISS crew on the regular Enterprise might be my favorite in the whole ep. Yet again obsessed with Spock’s facial hair. And Spock is obviously just loving it. “I find it extremely interesting.”

I think Kirk and Spock BOTH know what would buy Spock.

“I should regret your death.” I mean that’s basically a love confession. I love how they depict the K and S relationship in the mirrorverse. The subtle ways in which they’re still a team.

Spock would absolutely have killed Chekov for trying to kill Kirk.

I find evil!Spock the most convincing of all of this universe. I think he simultaneously feels true to the original character, and is also obviously of this universe, and that’s a pretty impressive feat.

“Terror must be maintained or the Empire is doomed.” Print that on a t-shirt.

“Conquest is easy. Control is not.” A lot of the mirror verse is over the top cartoony villainy but this is a very good point, and this scene in general is super interesting and subtle.

Kirk is so tunred on by that conversation with Spock. Like even in these circumstances, he still looks at Spock like he’s in love.

Hmmm, I like Marlena.

Of course evil!Kirk has an on-ship girlfriend, which good!Kirk would never do.

Evil!Spock is still very loyal, so much for all that “I would be a formidable enemy” stuff lol. “You’ll never find another man like him.” Too true.

Of course there’s some plundered alien tech plot device. I actually think that’s an interesting twist in a way... of course the ISS wouldn’t care about stealing, and so some...interesting artifacts might find their way onto starships.

Spock is upset he wasn’t included in this landing party meeting.

Hmmm, Sulu already wants to be Captain.

WHAT? SPOCK HAS OPERATIVES? VULCAN OPERATIVES? WHO ARE THEY? I MUST KNOW MORE. (Is one of them T’Pring?)

Marlena’s Starfleet uniform was hotter than this...paisley nightgown thing.

She’s so dramatic. Kirk is busy one time and she’s like well! I guess we’re over! Transfer me to another ship!

Another Captain Kirk arm grab moment.

I love how literally no one was surprised by that Uhura and Sulu moment on the bridge. “I’ve changed my mind again whoops.”

I can’t believe getting kicked once and then knocked on the head would almost kill Spock lol--seems like probably he might just have a concussion?--but I do like the concept of McCoy risking being left behind to help him. (And Kirk signing off on it because duh.) McCoy is just so good hearted.

Captain Sulu strikes again. Everyone has their own agenda lol. So many obstacles when everyone’s just out for himself.

Haha well that solved that. Zap zap zap and they’re gone.

As suspected, Spock recovered pretty fast. And he goes straight for the mind meld, obviously. That does seem pretty evil of him.

And another obstacle lol. I like that Kirk says Marlena can’t come with them because they can only bring 4 people because of the Calculations, even though... like surely he should already be able to guess there’s another Marlena in his universe and she can’t exactly replace a person who already exists? That would be bad.

Damn Uhura, saving the day again and looking damn fine doing it.

“I must have my Captain back.” Not even subtle about it. He MUST.

The Empire is illogical because it cannot endure.

Is Kirk literally asking this Spock to overthrow his other self and become Captain?

Also...is Marlena going to attach herself to the new Captain?? What does she think of all this?

This is probably one of the best end-of-episode bridge banter scenes in the series. “If I read my Spocks correctly.” Spock is a bit of a pirate. (I think Sarek would agree.) Spock loving the evil humans. Being jealous of Marlena. Kirk probably wondering how Mirror!Kirk and his Spock got along.

I think this is a really great episode, obviously, and I liked all of the intrigue. I thought the double, triple, quadruple crossing was really well plotted. Marlena is one of the better Love Interests and I thought she was really compelling. I LOVED Mirror Spock, and the general characterization of and subtleties to both Spocks. Mirror Sulu was interesting (what does he say about real Sulu I wonder?) and of course we got great Uhura moments and a good Bones moment too. I thought Kirk was interesting in this ep also, not quite confronting his evil side like in The Enemy Within, but...well I do think that was a part of him, the inferred characterization of mirror!Kirk, ambitious, single-minded--”inflexible, disciplined once you’ve made up your mind”--isn’t so outrageous or hard to understand.

I think the weakness of the ep is in the Mirror verse itself. It’s always struck me as a bit too cartoon-villain-y, painted in too broad strokes. Everyone wants to use violence to gain power. If deaths are so common, how has anyone survived this long lol? They allude to this sometimes--Spock not wanting command because it makes him a target, Kirk telling Spock the Empire is wasteful and ultimately unsustainable and thus illogical--but that just invites scrutiny under which the premise doesn’t hold. Imo, an organization like the Empire could never have lasted as long as or become as powerful as the Federation. As Kirk says, control is harder than conquest. I’m not even sure that all of the planets of the Federation could have come together in an Empire, and any allegiance would be very unstable. In other words, I don’t think “the Federation but make it evil” is even a sustainable premise.

Also, while people surely do crave power for the sake of power, I... tend to need a little more in my villainous characterization. Like, when I see that kind of villain, I always think of Price in Mr. Robot: “Every room I’m in, I ask myself ‘am I the most powerful person here?’ and I don’t stop until the answer is always yes.” That really is the core of him--and yet he’s still a subtle villain. That’s kind of the standard for me, I think. To put it another way, maybe the core of all villainy is just lust for power (and/or money) and maybe the best way to get power is brute strength, but the manifestations of evil are usually more subtle: some people who just want power, some people who have more narrow goals and can’t see the whole, many people who have been manipulated, and then just human ills like laziness, ineptitude, selfishness, short-sightedness. Only the most blunt of those traits and instruments really made it into the Mirror verse.

I would have liked to see the mirrorverse be more like... the mob.

...But it is only a 50 minute episode lmao.

Anyway, I find it very interesting that mirror!Spock has Vulcan operatives. His personal security guard is Vulcan, and taking these facts together, I think it’s safe to say that there are more Vulcan officers and enlisted on the ISS Enterprise than USS Enterprise. I’m not sure what to do with that but I find it very interesting. Is he more powerful on Vulcan? Is he more attuned to his Vulcan side? Are Vulcans more impressed with or deferential to him?

Anyway I am exhausted rn and I still have two more days this week so... off to bed. Next week’s ep is The Classic, The Apple.