#I feel like I want to be friends with this person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sincerelyrki · 1 day

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forbidden fruit

how would four best friends, all helplessly in love with their other best friends big sister, react to getting her leaked sex tape sent them via a groupchat? there was only two options. one was to ignore it, and the other was to act on it.

pairing : enha!hyungline x fem!reader

warnings + genre : smut. oral (m+f). fivesome. anal. double penetration. pool sex. anal (f). spitting. choking. partial MxM. brothers best friend(s). jealousy. profanity. spit. cum eating/sharing. sunghoon has a breeding kink. unsafe sex. name calling/slight degradation. marking. reverse harem. a singular photo gets taken. begging. switch!jay. switch!jake. dom!heeseung. dom!sunghoon. switch!reader. whining. 18+.

wc : 7.9k

a/n : been gone for a while and about to disappear again… i’ve been too busy to do literally anything, i just got back from a month vacation and i’m leaving again for another week on friday. anyways not sure how i feel about this but i hope you can accept this as an apology for my absence 🙏 don’t be shy to leave feedback, i’d love to hear everyones thoughts <3

written perm taglist : @vousty @ilololoveyou @moon0fthenight

An alluring person you were, the sweet nectar of a forbidden fruit strong with your scent as you swayed passed them.

A forbidden fruit, that’s all you were- all they allowed you to be.

It was hard staying away from you, their shared desire to hold you, to bend you over any surface was nearly impossible to hold back.

The rush of heat racing across their bodies, the unforgiving hairs on their tensed necks raising with interest at every innocent graze of your skin. Your short skirts quickly became a problem amongst your four friends, your thick thighs peeking out beneath the tight material- fuck it was a sight out of every man’s wet dreams.

Your innocent eyes could do nothing to stop their reactions. Your long eyelashes fluttering lightly against your shined cheeks, pink with your favourite blush, pretty lips pulling up into the sweetest smile- you’re fucking ruining them, and they did nothing to stop it.

It was wrong to think of you in this way, to picture you in any compromising position. So wrong to imagine the bruises on your knees, caused by your foolishly clumsy tumbles, to be a result of your mouth against them, well… wrapped around them.

Hearing about your sexual conquers was one thing, but seeing it was a completely different story. At least for one of the options they could pretend it never happened, that it was nothing more than a misspeaking- a horrible mistake of a slip of a tongue.

But after all, there was nothing they could do. Fate was more than cruel when they made you nothing more than their best friends older sister.

Taunting wasn’t it? Dangling the one thing they all wanted in front of their noses, allowing them a preview of the woman they all dreamt about late at night with their warm palms wrapped around their leaking cocks, crying with the simulation of what they imagined your mouth, god what your fucking pussy would feel like wrapped tight around them.

Their thoughts would torture them with the idea of what you would sound like, and how you would look while they manipulated your body to best fit their size.

Their imagination was so cruel, so. fucking. cruel. It was too easy to imagine your mouth in place of their hands, to pretend that the nasty audio in their ears was in reality, your whimpers. They would ignore their phone's notification, their volume sensitivity going off as the wanton moans in their ears rose in volume. Their questions kept them up even longer, their palms tightening to an almost painful hold as their mind uncontrollably spiralled.

Would you beg for them to wrap their fingers around your neck while they pounded deep into you? Would you push them onto their backs, dropping your entire weight back down onto them? Would you leave pretty scratches up their backs, purposefully using your nails to carve your initials deep into their shoulders?

As said before, it was fucking torture.

So imagine their collective shock when they woke up to a mysterious group chat, one that only included two things. A message, and a short thirty-second video.

It wasn’t only the obvious gloating message that outraged them, but rather it was the very compromising, and also very nude, photo of you that was set as the thumbnail.

678-999-8212

*one video attached*

well, it looks like I won, doesn’t it?

heeseung

what the fuck?

jay

holy shit, is that yn?

heeseung

don’t look, just delete it

sunghoon

too late, I’m going to kill him

jake

you don’t even know who he is😭

jay

she doesn’t look like she’s enjoying it…

even a blind man could tell that she was faking it

heeseung

fucking prick, I could make her feel so much better

sunghoon

she’s mine, back tf off?

heeseung

in what fucking universe?

jake

I don’t remember there being a rule against sharing

jay

all four of us?

jake

I mean… why not?

And once again, that was something they all agreed on.

As usual, you came waltzing downstairs right at eight in the evening. Nothing appeared different about the way you came in, your hair in its usual updo with one of your many pretty sundresses tight around your bust.

To the older boys, it was crazy how unaffected you looked. A sour taste filled Sunghoon’s mouth, his eyes glaring holes into your exposed calves.

He watched the way you walked, the slight bounce in your step only noticeable due to his heavy stare, his distaste growing the longer he watched the way you moved.

No Hickeys? Clearly, the man you chose last night wasn’t the right option because if he was then he would’ve been like Sunghoon. He would’ve thrown your legs over his shoulders as he pressed his tongue deep into your greedy hole, leaving hickeys all across your inner thighs with matching fingerprints.

He wouldn’t stop even when you cried with sensitivity, your legs shaking around his body while your bottom lips quivered uncontrollably.

No limp? Once again, Sunghoon would’ve never let you leave his room until he physically had to hold your body straight. You’d feel him for the next week, feel his aching thrusts every time he ever thought about touching another man.

Sunghoon thought that it was obvious that a girl like you deserved to be ravished, to be loved on to the point where it had you questioning everything about yourself.

But it seemed that only a few shared his same feelings, his eyes catching the way his slightly older friends’ hands clenched against their thighs.

“Are you going anywhere today?” Jake felt his body stiffen at the way your dress swayed at your knees when you came to a stop, your arms crossing against your chest as you smiled at your younger brother.

Jake’s eyes followed the movement, his mouth opening and closing observing the way your chest pushed up at your innocent action. His thoughts raced at the way they’d feel pressed around his hard dick, the image itself causing his shorts to tighten.

It was when he met your eyes that he realized what he was doing, his eyes snapping to the side while he repositioned himself. He was fortunate enough to have been wrapped in a blanket, his growing size hidden away from your sight.

But even then all he felt was your eyes staring straight through him. He allowed himself to look back up once, guilt flooding his system when you passed him a cute smile. He was a fucking perv, and no one but himself was there to witness it all.

“No, I had a long day yesterday.” Rage. His eyes burned with an invisible fire that quickly melted away any guilt, the video playing in front of his eyes once again- as if the other fifty-seven times wasn’t enough. “I think I’m just going to spend my day by the pool, practice my breathing.” Jake caught onto the innuendo right away, a barely noticeable wink getting thrown his way before you turned your attention back to your brother.

Your younger brother, Jungwon, hummed at your words. Everyone knew he wasn’t paying close attention to you, your words going in one ear and out the other while he leaned against his spread knees, hands wrapped around his white controller.

“Fuck- okay, um I think the hyungs wanted to go swimming today too-“ Jungwon’s cursing became blurred out as his words grew heavy in the air. Without meaning to, Jungwon graced his friends with the perfect scenario.

“Not sure about the others, but I think I’d love to go swimming with you.” Heeseung stood up, his eyes never looking away from your own as he dramatically stretched his arms up, his shirt pulling up to display the bottom half of his torso- flexing his muscles in the process.

His lips pulled up at the side when he saw the way you shamelessly stared at his abs, your eyes burning lines into his skin as they trailed across every inch of exposed skin. His ego could only expand seeing the way you rubbed your knees together at the sight of his v-line.

And when a throat clearing on his other side moved your attention from his body, Heeseung wanted nothing more than to punch Jay’s faux shy smirk off his lips.

Jay pushed forward, his chest stopping centimetres from yours. “I don’t have any trunks, do you mind showing me where the spares are?” He tilted his head to the side with a much less shy smile, his eyebrows slightly raising as he waited for your response.

He made the effort to never look away from your eyes, his pupils expanding under the bright light. It was only then that you noticed the light freckles spreading across the expanse of his nose, your eyes connecting the new constellations as his question faded into the back of your mind.

Jay saw one of the boys move forward before he felt them, a hand-clapping against his shoulder before he was spun towards them. Sunghoon’s face was bare of expression, his hold on Jay’s shoulder tightening with every word that came from his lips- “Well luckily for you I also need a pair and I happen to know exactly where Jungwon keeps them.”

Sunghoon didn’t look your way before he turned his back to the two of you, his footsteps light as he began descending down the hallway. You watched through a haze as the other boys followed, their overlapping whispers barely audible over each other.

But at last, you managed to make out one before the four of them disappeared from your sight, “we all have trunks, we literally planned on using them last night?” And with that, a smirk grew on your lips.

Naivety was one game that you had mastered from an early age, it was about time they caught on. And so you turned on your heel, walking towards the laundry room to collect one of your many pool towels.

“I’m going out, Minjae needs help setting up for the party tomorrow.” Your brother rushed past you, his hand plucking your sunglasses from your head with a playful smile, “I think I'll be needing these a bit more.” And with the close of the door, you decided to ditch your towel.

If the boys were playing the game you thought they were then you definitely wouldn’t be needing one.

All four boys couldn’t move their eyes from your barely covered form, their mouths practically open and drooling watching the way you pulled your dress up.

The sun kissed your skin in a perfectly golden hue, your body glistening with an addictive enhancement due to a thin layer of sweat.

Their cheeks grew warm as they watched you pull the fabric over your hips, their greedy eyes drinking in all newly exposed skin. They were all aware that they were tiptoeing the line of being perverted, but god the way you moved was fucking hypnotizing.

One second they had you, and the next they didn’t. You went diving into the deep end, a perfected technique that they would’ve commented on under any other circumstances.

By the time you rose from the water, time moved in slow motion. Your hair slung over your shoulder, droplets of water cascading down your face- dripping everywhere from your lips to your eyelashes.

A forbidden fruit, that’s still all you were.

Half an hour later, that stance was impossible to believe. Heeseung had you right where he wanted you, your covered core pressed against his, discretely grinding against him as you pretended to play colours.

“hm, is your colour red?” Your head tilted to the side, arms wrapped around his shoulder as you prepared to get dunked again.

“No.” He lied. His colour was, in fact, red, but in his defence you just looked way too good in his arms, wrapped around him. He wasn’t sure how he managed to get into this situation, but after a singular look from you, he had folded.

He was almost positive that for the game colours the second player would be held bridal style, but you insisted otherwise. And Heeseung decided then and there that he’d never argue with a pretty girl.

“How about green?” Heeseung shook his head once, a cheesy smile on his lips. You groaned out loud, your hand smacking against the water as you threw your little tantrum.

Heeseung decided against dunking you this time, your cute upset smile warming his chest. “How about a different game, truth or dare?”

You jumped up with excitement, the movement causing Heeseung to groan. You both paused, eyes wide once you realized what just happened.

“Oh- I’m sorry-“ You tried apologizing to which Heeseung just shushed you, his face bright red. “Truth or dare?” He decided to change the subject, giving you an appreciative smile once you reciprocated it.

“No, can I go first?” Heeseung jokingly rolled his eyes at you, his arms propping up on the poolside behind him.

“Truth.” Heeseung assumed this would be the easy way out, as it usually was. It wasn’t that he had any secrets to hide, so why wouldn’t he choose truth?

“Have you ever had sex in a pool?” This, perhaps, is the only time Heeseung wishes that he chose dare.

“No.” He didn’t provide an explanation, not even after you desperately begged for one. It was the truth, he never has. He didn’t see the appeal to hook up with someone in the pool, because what’s the point?

“Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Heeseung wasn’t shocked, dare having been your go-to since you were a child.

“I dare you kiss me.” Heeseung thought you’d reject him, leave him to go bother someone else. But you’ve been the person to deny a dare.

And so you leaned forward, connecting your lips. It was only a second long, but it managed to changed your entire dynamic.

“Truth or dare?” And against Heeseung’s better judgment, he finally chose dare.

“I dare you to fuck me.”

Heeseung knew it was risky, but a dare was a dare, right?

“Are you seriously fucking in the pool?” Heeseung froze, there’s no way they just got caught- “Are you jealous?” there was no denying it now.

If you didn’t care that the others knew, why would he? And so he pulled at the two strings holding your bottoms together, completely removing them.

The other boys’ faces fell when they saw Heeseung raise your bottoms, betrayal swimming across their faces watching the way his hands controlled your body.

“What the fuck-” Jake choked out after a minute of watching his best friend trust into you, the way your legs wrapped around his waist as you filled your hips to match his pace.

Your moan awoke something deep within them, a desire that made each of them forget about the entire “forbidden fruit” bullshit.

“Don’t be rude, share.” Heeseung rolled his eyes at Sunghoon’s demand but complied. There was plenty of time for Heeseung to make you cum, this one time won’t make a difference.

He hauled you onto the side of the pool, your cunt exposed for all of them to see. Sunghoon didn’t waste a minute before he threw your legs over his shoulder, pressing his face into you.

Your hands wrapped around his loose hair, the wet strands pulling together in a makeshift ponytail. He started by licking across the labia, his tongue flat against the entirety of you.

He used two fingers to spread you, his nose pushing against your clit as he lapped at your leaking hole, his quiet groan causing vibrations to speak across your entire body.

His touch awakened many of the nerves in your body, his tongue bringing you to a place no other man managed to and that was only within the first minute. You didn’t even want to imagine the way you’d feel by the time you finished on his face, would it be as good as you hoped? Or even better?

Jake was growing impatient, his face nearly pressed against your leg as he watched the way Sunghoon ate you- his entire body throbbing with need.

Heeseung noticed and nudged Jake forward, his head nodding towards the place Sunghoon’s head was buried, “we’re sharing, remember?”

Jake didn’t need to be told twice, easily sliding between your leg and Sunghoon’s arm. You looked at Jake with confusion, having never been put in a situation where two men wanted to have you at the same time.

But Jake didn’t care, all he needed was to taste you- to feel your pulse against his tongue.

Once he knew that you were watching he lowered his head towards the place where Sunghoon’s mouth was attached to you, both men making eye contact for half a second before the other man shifted to the side- making room for the other.

Your jaw dropped open when he attached his mouth to your clit, his tongue using the mixture of your wetness and Sunghoon’s spit to move in spirals.

It seemed that the lewd noises from Jake caught the attention of the other two boys, their jaws matching yours. “Holy shit-“ Heeseung leaned forward to view better, his hand coming down to push Jake’s hair from his face.

The three of you watched as the two boys performed, their tongues pressing together as they switched positions, Jake pulling one of your knees over his shoulder in an attempt to pull you closer.

Heeseung used his hold on Jake’s hair to tilt his head closer to Sunghoon’s, their lips practically touching with every move. “Our baby deserves a better view.” He tsked from his position on your side, eyebrows furrowed while he watched the boys walk an invisible line.

Sunghoon’s heavy eyes glared up towards Heeseung, his sticky cheeks glistening so pretty under the pool's lights. There were some things that Sunghoon could ignore, but a blatant challenge? He’d be dead before he proved anyone wrong.

And so, while maintaining eye contact, he turned his head towards Jake. He pushed his lips against the side of the boys, pushing his tongue to lick at the exact stop Jake was lapping at.

Jake, of course, reciprocated right away- both boys practically making out against your cunt, strings of saliva connected the three of you together. And such performers they were, the other boys growing jealous at your undivided attention being pulled at the boys between your legs.

A rough tap on your cheek was enough to pull your attention back to a kneeling, now hands-free, Heeseung. One of his now free hands gripped at the area where your chin and neck meet, his thumb pressing directly on your pulse point.

“Are they making you feel good?” He cooed, his lips jutting out while his other hand toyed with the string of his bathing suit bottoms.

You nodded at his words, your face melting into his palms with a dumb look in your eyes. Heeseung barely managed to keep down his smile, his chest warming at the sight of you nuzzling against him.

If it wasn’t for the throbbing in his lower body, then maybe he could’ve adored the sight for a minute longer. But his impatience grew thin the longer he heard the noise from between your legs, jealousy stirring deep in his stomach.

“Open your mouth.” His hand moved further up your chin, your cheeks now pressed between two of his fingers, tightening as he applied pressure, forcing your lips open. You tried your best to keep your lips sealed, a playful action that evoked the exact reaction you expected.

Heeseung’s eyes narrowed on demand, his nose slightly scrunching together as he looked at you with a look you recognized all too well.

Your stomach tightened in anticipation, the rumours surrounding Heeseung’s kinks coming to your head.

It wasn’t a secret that Heeseung got around, but his partners seemed to remain a mystery. You had first heard the rumours in your eleventh-grade history class, a few girls crowded around the seat behind you, their voices mudding together as they formed their own fantasies.

It wasn’t hard to hear the name of the man of the hour, your brother's best friend’s name being on your mind more times than it was supposed to.

It was a childhood crush, a dream that got crushed with the words spilling from the other girl's lips. They’d whisper about how Heeseung only bed college women, about how he only liked women with experience.

In their words, he wanted someone who could “handle it.” At first, you didn’t understand what they meant, handle what? It was a week later when you finally understood, it was then when you decided that you were over him.

If you couldn't get under him, why not get over him? And that’s what you did, well until now.

It was safe to say that the current you could handle him, your experience growing tenfold in the year after you graduated.

But there was this one rumoured kink that you couldn’t seem to shake, one that has stuck around since the day you heard it.

He rose to his feet, pushing his trunks down in a smooth swipe, completely exposing himself to your watering mouth. His hand returned to its position, pressing your mouth open once again. Only this time, you allowed him.

His length felt heavy on your tongue, foreign to what you were used to. He was much bigger than most of your past partners, which you took as a good sign.

There had to be some proof of the rumour, and you couldn’t help but take this as the first hint. The second hint came directly after, his tip hitting the back of your throat, bottoming out straight away.

Throatfucking? Sure it was pretty basic, but god some men just couldn’t do it. They either went too fast and shallow, barely reaching halfway across your tongue. Or they went too slow and deep, your boredom growing as they used your throat in a pathetic attempt.

Heeseung, the man who was almost known for his head game rumours, seemed to be the perfect fit.

Your senses were filled with nothing but him. His taste filled your mouth, the precum coating your mouth in a layer of lubricant. Both your throat and scalp burned with each thrust, but it hurt so good.

His soft grunts made you all more pliant, loosening your jaw to allow more suction, it was a sight straight out of both of your wet dreams. Jay seemed to agree.

Jay’s hand wrapped around the base of your throat, tightening- holding you in place. His breath tickled your ear as he blew warm air against it, his words slipping out with each harsh thrust getting pushed in.

“You can feel him so deep, can’t you?” He pressed small kisses along your jawline, trailing down to the center of your throat. He pulled away the tiniest bit, his eyes glowing with amazement as he watched the way your skin bulged every few seconds.

He raised a finger to press against the most prominent spot, his lips following suit as he began nipping against the same spot. “C’mon, I need you too…” He trailed off, alternating between kissing and sucking on your exposed neck.

“Please, don’t make me beg.” Jay didn’t need to say another word, your hand already blindly searching for his shorts. His hand quickly guided yours, pushing it between his stomach and the elastic.

His head fell against your shoulder, his chest pressed halfway across your back. He didn’t care for the man on his other side, his eyes closing as he melted into the feeling of your hands rubbing against his bare cock.

Heeseung’s head fell back at your increase of moans, the vibrations rushing his release. He quickly pulled out of your mouth, his hand gripping around his base as he stopped himself from cumming too early.

Heeseung looked back between your legs, Sunghoon now sucking hickeys against your thighs as Jake pushed his finger into you, his tongue licking at the skin stretching around them.

A cool shiver spread through his back, his bare body exposed to the cold wind blowing from the pool. It was then that he noticed that goosebumps were present along most of your arms, granted some were for other reasons, but it was the only sign he needed.

Instead of using words, he just opted to lean toward the two boys still half-submerged in the water. He grabbed Jake’s hair, pulling his face away from your cunt.

Jake’s eyes snapped up, confusion clouding his irises. Heeseung ignored the look before letting Jake go, reaching over to do the same thing to Sunghoon.

Sunghoon caught onto Heeseung’s look way quicker, his body detaching from yours as he hauled himself from the pool, his trunks tight against his waist.

Jake, albeit still a bit confused, followed suit right away. Heeseung looked at Jake’s now bare thighs, his eyebrows furrowing in a silent question.

Jake only shrugged, shooting him a sly smile before he used his thumb to point over his shoulder, his black trunks floating along the surface on the other side of the pool.

All that was left was you and Jay, your full attention on him. His chest pushing harshly against you, his heartbeat thumping against your shoulder blades.

“We’re going inside.” Jay shook his head against you, his hips pushing forward to rut into your warm hands. You clicked your tongue in faux annoyance, your fingers tightening almost painfully against him- forcing his movements to stop.

You removed your hands from his shorts, your hands wrapping around the band to pull him in front of you. Your chests were pressed together, hearts beating as one.

His watery eyes opened, meeting yours as his cheeks flushed. Your facade melted, your eyes filling with adoration at his needy expression. “We’re not done, you’ll feel so much better upstairs.” You whispered, ignoring all the other boy's eyes staring directly at your exposed body.

Jay still didn’t move, his eyes pulling you in once again. Without a thought, you pushed your lips against his- tilting your head for a closer angle.

It wasn’t even ten seconds in when Heeseung came stomping over, his hand grabbing Jay’s hair to pull his lips away from yours. A thick string of spit stretched across both of your lips, your head following his.

All boy's jaws dropped at your following action, their arousal and jealousy battling against each other. You leaned forward once more, your tongue pressing against the side of Jay's mouth, swiping from one side to the other.

You causally licked the spit from his lips before swiping at your own bottom lip. After a moment of silence, you looked up.

Jay’s mouth opened and closed, gaping at the sudden action. “You- what?” He blubbered out, shock heavy in his tone. And just as Jake did before, you just shrugged. “Can’t let it go to waste, can we?” You stood up using Sunghoon’s outstretched palm, entwining your fingers while sliding your slides back on.

“We’re going inside, now,” Heeseung growled towards Jay, his eyes watching your hips sway as you walked away.

The second you stepped into your bedroom Sunghoon pushed you against the wall, his hand wrapped tight around your throat with his lips pushed into yours- pinning you down.

He traced your entire body, nerves coming alive with every inch of unmarked space. He finally moved his eyes down to the marks on your thighs, his marks.

Pride. Pride wasn’t a new feeling to Sunghoon, but he swears he’d never felt it this strong. He was almost happy that you were left unmarked, he didn’t even want to think about how he’d react to seeing proof of another man’s hands touching you.

Sure he was furious that you weren’t getting the pleasure you deserved, but Sunghoon could give you all that and more. He’d give you anything, even if it meant sharing you with three of his friends.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” He knew he had to ask now because if he didn’t then he wouldn’t ever build himself to.

Your expression became guarded, lips pulling closed at his hurt tone. “What do you mean?” Sunghoon froze, did you not know?

You watched his reaction, the way he retracted into himself. “With your needs, I could’ve helped you.” He tried regaining his confidence, squaring his shoulders as he stood taller.

“You wouldn’t have to fake it with me.” Ah, now you understood. A smirk rose on your lips, your hands moving on their own as you gripped his waist.

“Are you sure? My other boys make me feel pretty good.” You stressed the last few words while your hands travelled further up his exposed torso- pressing against his lower stomach for a few seconds before tracing the lines between his flexed abs.

Sunghoon hissed under his breath at your words, his eyes darkening at the mention of your former partners.

“The video didn’t seem very promising, we wouldn’t have you looking all neat, looking untouched.” It was then that Sunghoon realized the other boys were surrounding his other sides, their arms almost pressed against his.

You looked up towards Heeseung, tilting your head with a fake pondering look, “A video?” He nodded once, his jaw clenched at your fake oblivious attitude.

“And how did I look?” You wrapped your hand around Sunghoon’s, pulling it away from your neck. He took your action as a signal to move back, pulling his body from yours.

All the boys stayed silent at your question- which was something that didn’t sit right with you. You looked at each of them before you landed on Jake, noting the way his cock twitched at your sudden attention.

You turned your body to face him while ignoring all the other boys, your palm coming up to rest against his heaving chest. You made a show of trailing your finger across your collar bones, all the way up to your halter bikini top.

“How did I look, Jakey?” A stuttered cough left his left the second your finger pulled at the knot, your top now dangling around your rib cage, your breast completely exposed.

“I didn’t do this, did I?” You grabbed his wrists, moving his hands to press your breasts together. You contorted your expression into one of pleasure, your lips dramatically dropping open as you pretended to choke on your words.

Jake shook his head to the side, his body moving on autopilot as he calculated his next moves.

“No, but I think you knew that.” You pursed your lips while shaking your head at him, nose scrunching up in annoyance. “I didn't see the video, you did.”

Heeseung reacted before anyone else, his hand grabbing your arm to pull you towards your bed.

“You’ve been bratty all night, clearly no one’s taught you to behave.” Heeseung pushed you flat against the bed, his knee pressing flesh against your sensitive pussy. You let out a loud mewl, your back arching into his knee. “I think you need to teach me again.” Your head flew back when you began moving your hips against him, his knee providing the perfect pressure against your swollen clit.

Heeseung kept his arms crossed across his chest, expression unmoving as you used his knee to get off. Your whimpers had a clear effect on both Jay and Jake, both of their hands wrapped around their exposed cocks as they jerked themselves off at the sight.

“P- please help, it doesn’t feel as good without someone’s help.” You blubbered out a beg, your lips pouting together while your lash line filled with unshed tears. Your desperation was clear, your hips stuttering against the bed due to the lack of pressure.

“Aw look at you, a slutty baby who can’t do anything by herself.” Sunghoon cooed from over Heeseung’s shoulder, his hand holding onto his shoulder as he watched the way you rubbed against Heeseung.

“But pathetic cry babies don’t deserve help, do they?” You rapidly shook your head, plethoras of different disagreements leaving your lips.

“But you’re not a crybaby.” Jake joined into the taunting, kid body weighing you down as he kneeled to your side. His hands reached over to rub across your cheeks, his fingers catching your salty tears. You nodded your head, eyes wide with excitement thinking that at least one of them was on your side.

“So stop fucking crying.” His harsh words were still sung with the same cooing tone, his gentle hands contradicting their speech.

“M’not crying, not a baby.” Jake nodded along to your words, repeating them back to you once before he turned his head to look at the two boys standing above you.

They both nodded toward Jay, who was still standing on the right side of the bed- opposite to Jake. Jake gave the other boy a single once-over before he nodded back at the other two.

Jake placed a small kiss against the apple of your cheek, your salty tears sticking to his skin before stood up from his position. You, who read the situation wrong, began repeating your small sorrys. Apologies slipped from your mouth in a slobbly mantra, your desperate attempt to be touched once again.

“You’re sorry?” It was a rhetorical question, but still- you answered. Heeseung took charge once again, his hand pressing against your knee- rubbing small circles into it.

“Prove it to us.”

Jay, who removed his trunks at the door, crawled onto the bed beside you. He sat in the center of the bed, right above your head. “Make Jay feel good, show him how much you need him.”

You didn’t waste another second before you turned to your stomach, your ass pressed in the air as you arched towards the other boys. Your hand wrapped around Jay, your tongue peaking out to give small kitten licks to his tip.

Jay bit his lip in anticipation, his feet twitching by his side with each small touch. His head was filled with nothing but you, the thoughts of you.

His nightly thoughts were finally getting played out, the warmth of your lips millimetres away from him drove him insane. But he wasn’t the only one growing desperate, the sharp smack against your ass laying it down.

“Giving him those pathetic licks won’t do anything, even Sunghoon could do better.” Heeseung tutted, his hand smacking you once before before he pressed his hand flat against your upper back, pushing you closer to Jay.

“What the fuck?” Sunghoon glared at Heeseung for adding his name, to which he just gave him an exasperated look. “You were the one practicing making out with Jake earlier, not me.”

Both named boys looked away, their cheeks burning bright red. “Whatever.” Sunghoon scoffed, his shyness still coming in full force as he recalled the way he reacted earlier.

Their almost argument was cut off at the gasp Jay let out, all three of them watching the way his face pulled up in pleasure. Heeseung never thought that he’d enjoy watching another man’s reaction to getting their dick sucked, but he also never thought that he’d be sharing someone with three of his friends.

The sounds coming from your lips were downright disgusting, slurps mixed with the occasional gag- but in a way, you’ve never sounded better.

Heeseung could see the way Jake was stopping himself from stroking too much- not wanting to cum anywhere but in you. Sunghoon noticed it too, his small snickers catching the Australian boys attention.

Jake’s jaw dropped when both boys stepped back, allowing Jake to take their place. He waited a few seconds, making sure that he was actually catching what they were throwing- and not making it up in his head.

He got his answer in the way the boys moved on either side of the bed, Heeseung’s hand resting against Jake’s shoulder when he stepped beside him.

Heeseung gave him a small nudge, pushing him towards your legs. He gave a reassuring nod with a tight-lipped smile, and that was all Jake needed.

“Comdom?” Heeseung leaned forward to meet your eyes, his question heavy in the air. Sunghoon stood with bated breath as he waited for your response, his chest blowing out when you finally shook your head.

Jake knew you were spread enough, having been the one to stretch you out by the pool. And you certainly were wet enough, but even that couldn’t stop him from spitting on his palm- rubbing it across his entire dick.

He used one hand to push your back into a further arch, the other wrapped around his base as he lined himself up. The second his tip entered you the tiniest bit- he pauses.

If this was going to be the only time he got to have you, why not savour it all? He removed his hand from his base but instead used it to spread your lips out.

He got the full effect, watching the way your tight hole sucked him in- gripping him. His groan rolled from his mouth once he bottomed out, his balls slapping against you once before he pulled back out, slamming in harder the second time.

Both of his hands were now gripping your hips, his short nails making half-moons across your skin as he repeatedly pulled you back into him.

You saw stars, the stimulation feeling like nothing before. You weren’t sure if you could ever go back to only fucking one person, not when two people against you felt this good.

A cock in your mouth and one in your pussy, heaven. They were fucking ruining you, and you loved every moment of it.

You felt the way Jay was getting closer, his noises growing quieter the longer he held his breath. You reached your hand under your chin, massaging his balls with one hand while the other pressed down on his pubic bone for stabilization.

You completely removed him from your lips, your tongue sticking out as you trailed it across his most prominent vein, curling it once around the tip before you swooped back down. You replaced your hand with your mouth, sucking his balls into your mouth while your hand twisted along the length.

You used one finger to press against the slit on his tip, pressing it down. His hips shot forward, a loud moan breaking from his lips at the sensitivity.

As quickly as you did that, you switched again. Your mouth sunk back down onto him, holding your breath as you held him deep in your throat.

A second after he let out a pitchy breath, he released in your mouth. Usually, the taste of cum didn’t bother you. Sure it was usually bitter, but after a while, you just learned to ignore it.

And maybe Jay tasted similar, but he tasted so different. He was addicting, every part of him. And it was for that reason that you didn’t pull away, why you kept going even when his body began twitching beneath you. It’s why you went faster when his broken pleads turned into inaudible sounds. It was why you swallowed around him a second time, swallowing everything he had to give you. Except this time, you held it in your mouth.

You pulled off of him, his cum still in your mouth. You looked up towards Sunghoon, his eyes widening when you gestured to him to get closer.

And maybe if you weren’t so fucking hot, then maybe he wouldn’t have complied. Maybe he wouldn’t have opened his mouth, allowing you to spit it into his own. Maybe he wouldn’t have listened to your next orders, but god, you were so fucking hot.

“Share it with Jake.” They all knew what you meant, and at Jake’s small nod, they all knew exactly. what. you. meant.

“Holy shit-” Jay’s jaw was on the ground as he watched his friends share his cum between their lips, their tongues twisting together as it grew more intense.

If Jake’s thrusts meant anything, then you knew that he more than liked it. He loved it.

“Sunghoon, join Jake.” Your head snapped over to Heeseung, your eyes wide as his words processed in your head. Heeseung ignored your look, staring dead into Sunghoon’s eyes. “I don’t think she’s proved herself yet, one cock in her clearly isn’t enough.”

The next minute was a blur. One second you were arched into Jake, and the other you were sat on his lap with your legs wrapped around Sunghoon’s waist- his cock inches from you.

Heeseung’s fingers were pressed deep into your ass, the spilled lube coating Jake’s lower stomach. After the third finger, Heeseung decided you were stretched enough.

Heeseung helped holding you up, your arms wrapped around his shoulders as he lowered you onto Jake. Your arms tightened hard around him, your eyes falling closed at the new feeling of having someone pushing into you from the back.

You’ve tried many things, but anal definitely wasn’t one.

“Relax, let him in,” Heeseung whispered into your ear, one of his hands rubbing circles into your back. You did what he said, letting go of all the tension in your lower body.

It didn’t take very long for Jake to bottom out, time blurring together due to your hyperfocus on the unknown feeling. “You did s’good.” Heeseung pecked your ear once before he released you, raising his hands to pull your arms off of him.

You put your arms on Jake’s side, holding him for stability. He took two steps back, still close enough to pull you away if you showed any discomfort.

The first few thrusts felt weird, the pleasure yet to come. But once it came, it came fast. Your back arched as your head fell back, your lips gaping open.

Your legs tightened around Sunghoon’s waist, pulling him closer. “P-please-“ you begged through broken moans, your desperation clawing at your chest.

You weren’t entirely sure what you were begging for, but you knew whatever Sunghoon gave you would help. He hesitated for a minute after he lined himself up, his worries of hurting you replacing his neediness for a split second.

It was a split second too long, long enough for you to reach one hand forward and pull his hips into you. Both Jake and Sunghoon paused at the feeling, Jake’s stomach tightening under your hold.

Sunghoon’s expression was nothing if not pure bliss, his eyes half open, his mouth wide as he let out heavy exhales. His rosy cheeks seemed extra pigmented, his wet bangs hanging over his forehead when his head fell forward.

The sensations that you were all feeling were so intense- to the point where the three of you stopped breathing.

The feeling of two cocks in you was something you could never explain, nothing compared.

And for the boys? The mixture of the tightness and the groves of another dick against theirs? Insane, but so delicious.

Sunghoon was the first to start moving, his hesitant thrusts causing butterflies to erupt on all three of your stomachs.

Once Sunghoon found his tempo, Jake began moving to watch it. Your head was completely empty, your mind focused on nothing but the feeling of them entering and exiting you.

Sunghoon leaned forward towards you, wrapping his lips around one of your nipples while the other one played with the other. His moves were slightly sloppy, imprecise pinches and nibbles alternating between each tit.

Heeseung noticed it right away, his hand coming out to shoo Sunghoon away with a harsh glare. “If you’re not going to do it right, don’t fucking do it at all.” His lips relaxed Sunghoon’s, the difference between the two more obvious than not.

Your chest arched into Heeseung’s mouth, his eyes fluttering closed as he trailed a line of kisses between each breast, small hickeys getting left at random.

Jay, feeling left out, moved forward to join. He was already as hard as he was when you started, the sight before him nearly sending him into a spiral.

His hand reached down to circle around your clit, his finger never once directly touching it- he knew no one wanted it to end yet.

It was clear to the four boys when you got close, your body responding to all their touches differently. Jay now allowed his fingers to make contact, fast circles setting your nerves on fire.

Sunghoon pushed his hand against your stomach, feeling his cock kiss his palm with every push. The bugs made his fantasies come out, images of you swollen with his kids chasing his hips to push in further.

His primal instincts won against the rational side of his brain, the desire to fill you up feeling stronger than ever. Realistically, he knew you wouldn’t fall pregnant. The plan b pills and your birth control were proof enough, but it didn’t hurt to pretend- right?

It was then that he remembered the entire reason why they were doing this. It was to prove a point, wasn’t it? And that’s when he got a great idea, one that made complete sense in his half-conscious brain.

The other man gave proof, shouldn’t they return the favour? His phone was forgotten by the poolside, same with Jake’s.

He had almost lost hope until his eyes caught your phone on your bedside, his eyes lighting up in relief. “Pass me that phone.” Heeseung did what he was asked without question, his lips, which were now attached to yours, stayed unmoving while he reached over.

He blindly grabbed at the table, taking the first thing that felt like the phone. He’d passed it to Sunghoon- who accepted it right away.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the unfamiliar phone, whose was this?

He knew you didn’t get a new one, having texted you yesterday asking to hang out- to which you cancelled.

So whose phone was this? Upon noticing that it was shut down, he quickly powered it on. The screen was blank for a second before messages came flooding in.

No fucking way.

You let out a muffled moan at Sunghoon’s sudden harsh trust, Heeseung’s lips still moving against yours.

And at the same time the cameras clicked, you came.

All four boys panted around you, two of them releasing inside of you right after you finished. Sunghoon ignored the phone for now, tossing it to the side as he pushed himself as deep as he could- holding his hips in place. Even when Heeseung helped Jake pull out, Sunghoon stayed- plugging your cunt full, refusing to let a drop out.

“Switch? I promise I won’t let it leak out.” Heeseung knew exactly what to say to get Sunghoon to move, and it worked every time.

Sunghoon and Jake stepped back, allowing the other two to take their place. Sunghoon zoned out while Heeseung and Jay situated themselves, choosing the position they wanted you in.

Now that he was in a slightly better mindset, the images from the phone came rolling back in.

Why the hell were you getting the messages they’d sent in that group chat? There was no one else in the group except for them and the random number.

It was nearly impossible for you to get those messages unless you were that random number. Sunghoon raised his eyes back towards you, then to the phone, then back to you.

He noticed that you’d seen him make the connection, and you smiled. Naivety was one game that you had mastered from an early age, it was about time they caught on.

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ja3yun · 2 days

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I'm a Virgin, Not a Murderer: ch.1 | pop your cherry

virgin!heeseung x sex worker!reader warnings: smut (mdni), oral (m.rec), blue balls, murder, mentions of blood, sex work (use of words tart card and prostitute), set in the 90's london, heeseung is a loser, anything else lmk wc: 11.2k ch.1 synopsis: determined to lose his virginity, heeseung follows his friend's plan and ends up hiring you to pop his cherry, little does he know that he'll walk out of that room something much worse than a virgin a/n: hi! this is the first instalment of iavnam and i am so so so excited to share this with you all. this is a silly, fun fic that i hope you can enjoy but i will say that it has some moments of angst throughout. feedback, comments, reblogs, and likes are all appreciated and i hope you give loser!hee a chance

masterlist | chapter 2

“What am I going to do? I can’t enter working life a virgin.” Heeseung sighs, rubbing his temples as he complains.

Heeseung is a gentle soul, the type of boy you read about in novels or see in cheesy romance films. No, he’s not the bad boy with a hidden heart of gold or the burly football player with a secret love for the arts. Heeseung is the overlooked best friend, the quiet boy pining from the sidelines, the introverted geek who spends his Fridays alone while the girl he loves rushes off with the popular guy.

At 22, Heeseung has never been with a girl. He can’t even look at one for more than ten seconds without sweating or mumbling about the new Toy Story film that was released last year. And with only two months left before he graduates, the thought of entering the adult world as a virgin weighs heavily on him. He might be the only one from the Class of ‘96 who hasn't had this experience, and he feels an urgent need to change that.

He watches his friends with a mix of envy and longing as they get into relationships or have sex with the nearest girl at a party, wishing it could be him for once. All his life, he’s dreamt of a perfect romance where a boy meets a girl, they fall in love, and share their first time.

All in all, Heeseung just wants to be in love with the person he loses himself to. But time is ticking, and he’s starting to realise that his dream of a whirlwind romance might not be feasible. He might have to settle for whatever chance he can get.

“What’s the use in complaining if you aren’t going to talk to a girl for more than a minute?” Jongseong mutters into his beer can, eyes still trained on the Sony Trinitron TV in front of him.

Jongseong has had this conversation with Heeseung so many times that it’s starting to bore him. He understands his best friend’s desire for a meaningful connection; anyone would want that. But Heeseung’s idealism clashes with Jongseong’s pragmatic nature. For months - no, years - he’s been telling Heeseung to either take action or let it go. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age, and Heeseung used to see it that way too. Yet, for some reason, he’s convinced he’d be the laughingstock of any office if word got around.

All throughout high school, Heeseung was the same: stuttering and twitching whenever a girl looked at him. Jongseong has never seen anyone worship women as Heeseung does while simultaneously being utterly terrified of them.

Heeseung suddenly grabs the can from Jongseong’s hand, stunning him, and slams it onto the coffee table of their apartment. “I’m serious, Jongseong. I’m doing it this time, for real.” There’s determination and fire in his voice, even though his heart is pounding at the thought.

Turning to face him, still in a can-holding position, Jongseong raises an eyebrow. “You’re really going to do it? No wimping out?” he asks incredulously. It’s not that he doesn’t believe his friend’s words; he’s just surprised by how assured Heeseung looks.

Nodding, Heeseung crosses his legs on the couch. “Absolutely! And I have a plan.”

“Oh god, what is it?” Jongseong asks nervously, apprehensive about what kind of plan the virgin has concocted for himself.

Heeseung takes a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart. “Alright, so here’s the deal. I’m going to start small and take baby steps. First, I’ll join a club or a group where I can meet people without the pressure of one-on-one interactions. Maybe a book club or a film society. That way, I can get more comfortable talking to girls in a casual setting.”

Jongseong nods slowly, considering the idea. “Okay, that sounds reasonable. Except all the clubs and meets have stopped now considering it’s two months until summer vacation.” The younger rolls his eyes, picking his can back up. “What other plans do you have?”

There is a silence in the air which pauses Jongseong mid-sip. Scratching the back of his neck, Heeseung sheepishly shrugs and winces at his friend's disappointing gaze. It took him a week to come up with that one plan, hoping that he could ride on the waves of already-formed groups. He did, however, come up with the plan 4 months ago and just has never put it into action, so it is a little outdated.

“It was a solid plan!” he huffs and crosses his arms, pouting like a baby despite being the oldest of the two. “It’s not like I can just phone up a girl on one of those fancy mobiles and ask her to fuck me.”

Jongseong’s ears perk up, eyes widening as if he’s just hit the motherload of all ideas. His excitement makes Heeseung sit up in attention, furrowing his brows as he watches him stand up and turn the TV off. “You’re a fucking genius, Lee.”

Although the compliment settles fondly in his heart, he still doesn’t know why he is a genius nor does he have time to think about it before his best friend drags him by the arm outside of the flat and into the street, striding towards something with tenacity.

He complains about the grip Jongseong has on him but follows him regardless, feet rushing to keep up the pace as they make their way down the street and into the skirts of the city. Heeseung knows better than to argue with the boy when he is on a mission like this, the last time he did so was when Jongseong went on the hunt for the last Thor comic book, edition #487 and Heeseung told him to just ‘get it another time’. Turns out, everyone and their granny wanted it and with Heeseung constantly holding them up, he missed out on the first press. The boy never heard the end of it and was almost disowned.

So he trails idly behind him until they reach a phone booth. The glass is taped with flyers of missing dogs and Y2K conspiracies, babysitter ads and jobs for hire. It’s a mess, yet Jongseong seems to be looking for something in particular.

“I know I said phoning up a girl, but I hardly think Mystic Michelle sees me in her future,” Heeseung snorts, dipping his hands into his pockets. He refuses to tell Jongseong that in a desperate attempt to find out when he would lose his virginity, he had already phoned a psychic medium who told him, “You’ll lose it when you choose to travel.” Considering he has never and likely will never step foot outside his hometown, he deemed that as his first and last time trusting in the universe’s whispers.

Jongseong, ignoring Heeseung’s quips, searches diligently until he sees the poster hanging inside the booth and immediately whips the door open, dragging the surprised black-haired boy into the tight space with him. With urgency, he tears the number tab off of the bright red poster and thrusts it into Heeseung’s hand.

Pointing to the poster, Jongseong smirks. “She is your ticket out of virginville,” he says playfully yet a serious undercurrent waves through his voice. If Heeseung is going to get laid, and fast, he is going to need a professional.

Heeseung looks closely at the poster and sees a girl in a white-laced thong posing in front of a red background, her left arm covering her plump tits as she sucks on a lollipop. His eyes shake and his head follows, backing up slightly despite the confined space and protesting the idea profusely. “Not a chance, Jongseong! This is prostitution, which by the way, is illegal in this country.”

“I know you’re a saint, okay? But desperate times call for desperate measures.” He shrugs, already putting the 20p coins into the slot and picking up the ringer. “You know Jaeyun lost his virginity this way.”

“Yeah, and she was a 43-year-old mother of 6 who fucked him in her garden shed. He said he got the clap from that!”

Heeseung is not exaggerating, Jaeyun was so determined to ‘gain experience’ that he chose one of these girls from a traffic light pole and what was promised to be a sexy 21-year-old in his area, turned out to be a mum who needed a quick cash grab before her kids got home from school. Needless to say, he went along with it, already mentally prepared for the pop and then a few weeks later by consequence he was in the sexual health clinic getting tested for an STD. He lost his virginity but also his dignity that day.

Exhaling loudly, Jongseong closes his eyes in frustration. “We can phone and ask for an appointment and if she isn’t this very pretty girl that is offering you a ‘spanking good time with a 22-year-old’ then you can bolt for the hills and we’ll find you someone else.” His tone is coated in disapproval at his friend’s unwillingness to give this brilliant idea of his a chance.

Punching in the numbers, Jongseong holds the receiver between his ear and his shoulder, “You want me to talk?”

Realising he is stuck in a boat without a paddle, Heeseung relents, gesturing for Jongseong to take the reigns of the situation; if he were to be the one to speak to the girl, he would probably vomit. This is the complete opposite of how he had dreamed this would go and Jongseong knows it.

The phone begins to ring and Jongseong shushes the other boy as he waits patiently. It gives Heeseung the chance to look at the lewd poster once again and he can see why this one caught Jongseong’s attention over the other tart cards in the booth. The girl is striking and real, not like some of the page 3 models that have clearly been used to lure these desperate men in, there is a prettiness to her, a charm that pulls attention even through a piece of paper.

“Hello, handsome, how can I be of service?”

Her voice, sweet yet sultry, filters through the phone and dances on the glass panels, sending a shiver down Heeseung's spine and making his knees weak. His eyes widen as he gazes at the poster, imagining that captivating voice belonging to the stunning girl. Surely, it couldn't be her, could it? No one could sound and look so perfect simultaneously.

Jongseong scoffs at Heeseung's reaction to a mere female voice and playfully slaps the back of his head, snapping him out of his reverie within the stuffy confines of the phone booth. He clears his throat and addresses the caller on the other end. “Hi, uh,” he glances at the poster, searching for the name, “Y/N, is it?”

You giggle softly over the phone, twirling the cord attached to your landline. “Yes, what can I help you with?”

It’s been a few days since you put up the flyers and there has already been an abundance of calls coming your way; some old guys looking to rub one out before work, others looking to be degraded, and some even just wanting advice on how best to clean their house before their wives come home.

For you, it’s easy money and a needed break from the work you do other than please pervy men. On days you’re not at home, you’re out working behind the bar at Nice N’ Sleazys, picking up after everyone’s mess and pouring pint after pint while the worst music grates at your ears.

Sex work, despite its numerous downsides, offers a straightforward way to earn money. Initially, you worked in a brothel just outside the main city, where your tips and pride were stolen by the cruel man who ran it. The girls were lovely, and some of your regulars were kind, but the work and pain were too much for the meagre earnings.

So you left and started managing yourself. The owner didn’t like it, but it was your decision. He wasn’t sad to lose you, but rather the money your regulars brought in. However, his displeasure was short-lived when he found your replacement—someone who brought in more money and was willing to do much more than you ever could.

Despite the challenges and dangers managing yourself has provided you with a sense of independence and control that you did not have when working for someone else. You've learned how to deal with the industry's complexities, setting boundaries and putting your own safety first; even if that meant refusing some of your regulars into your new endeavours.

The line goes silent and you speak up again, “Can I help you?” you ask gently, still keeping the sex worker persona intact. However, once you hear shuffling in the background with hushed whispers, you quickly drop the act and sigh. “Look, if it’s you boys from the school up the road prank calling me again, I will call your mothers.”

With posting your landline in phone booths comes prank calls, you expect it but you could really use the money this week; your fridge is running on empty and your washing machine has somehow blown up on itself - that’s what you get for buying second-hand from a newspaper ad. Maybe you should have picked up that cleaner job for that mansion in the middle of nowhere while you were buying appliances.

Customers might be regular but you’re just starting, you can’t charge more than you’re worth.

Jongseong flicks Heeseung’s nose, making him yelp. While you are on the other line, Heeseung decides to try and hang up and chicken out but his friend is adamant that he is seeing this through. He doesn’t know how long he can sit and listen to him whining anymore.

“Sorry! No, uh, shit,” Jongseong racks his brain for words that have escaped him, biting his lip as he concentrates on how to perfectly imitate the virgin, “My name is Lee Heeseung. I am a pathetic 22-year-old and need to lose my virginity. I was wondering if you could do me the honours of popping my cherry.”

“I do not talk like that!” Heeseung protests, swatting Jongseongs arm who simply shrugs, unbothered by the offence he is causing the elder. His sole mission is to get Heeseung laid and he is so close to making that happen.

They hear you hum on the other line and immediately stop bickering, staring at the phone as if they can see you through it. “Can I speak to the real Heeseung please?”

The boy feels sick, head dizzy at the sound of his name coming from your lips but also because Jongseong is thrusting the phone into his face, moving behind him to give him the floor. He hadn’t anticipated speaking to you, just casually observing and listening in to Jongseong sell him off to you.

“Put on your big boy pants and do this!” Jongseong scolds, eyes darting between Heeseung’s face and the receiver.

Carefully, Heeseung brings it to his ear and closes his eyes, counting to ten in his head before replying. “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Heeseung. How are you doing?” you ask softly. This isn’t your first rodeo with a virgin so you know better than to go in all tits blazing and calling him a big boy.

Nodding as though you can see him, Heeseung purses his lips, trying to muster up some semblance of confidence. “I’m good…how are you?” he asks, his voice wavering slightly despite his efforts to sound assured. The shaky breath he lets out betrays his nerves, and he inwardly cringes, expecting the worst.

On the other end, you can't help but giggle softly. It’s not a titter of mocking, but rather one of endearment. Virgins are the cutest to speak to in your eyes because most of them have no idea how to navigate a conversation like this. There's something charming about their genuine nervousness and innocent curiosity.

Heeseung’s embarrassment deepens as he hears your giggle, imagining all the ways he might be coming off as awkward and inexperienced. He rubs the back of his neck, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. “I-I’m sorry if I sound nervous,” he stammers, “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

Your voice remains warm and reassuring, easing some of his anxiety. “That’s okay, Heeseung. Everyone has to start somewhere. I promise, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” Your voice is so smooth and lovely that Heeseung instantly relaxes. He is glad that if Jongseong picked any of the workers on the posters beside him, he is glad it was you.

Straightening his posture, Heeseung steadies himself. “My friend is right, I am a virgin and I want to get rid of it. Can you help with that?”

“You know, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin,” you gently remind Heeseung, concern lacing your voice. “Are you sure this is how you want to do it?” You should be arranging a time and place rather than potentially jeopardising your weekly food shop, but if you were in his shoes, you’d want to offer him an escape route, just in case.

But Heeseung seems resolute now, determined to rid himself of the insecurity that has plagued him for so long. “I am. I don’t want to graduate with this hanging over my head.”

Your heart melts a little at his sincerity, and you can’t help but pout. “Okay. Well, one of my regulars...well, let’s just say I’m not seeing him anymore, so I have a free slot tomorrow at 2pm. I usually go to the Point A Hotel near the intersection. Can you make it?”

Heeseung looks to Jongseong with panicked eyes, silently pleading for reassurance. The younger man nods enthusiastically, giving him two thumbs up, mouthing a gentle “Go for it” for extra ease.

“Yeah, 2pm is fine.” His heart beats rapidly as he accepts your offer, his mouth going dry and his palms sweaty.

“Amazing. Bring £200-, no, £300 and condoms in your size,” you instruct, changing your regular rate last minute. If he is as inexperienced as he seems, he won't know you’re ripping him off a little. It’s not like you want to but it’s what you have to do. The regular that was in that slot usually paid £500 with tips. However, you will take the comfort of not having him around anymore over bills.

Jongseong’s jaw hits the floor as he hears the price, his gaze glued to the phone but before he can barter for a better deal, the phone goes dead, the five 20ps he slotted in finally running out and leaving them both in silence.

Heeseung’s arm drops to his side, still gripping the receiver as he stares blankly into space. “£300 is all my savings,” he whispers to himself, the weight of the realisation settling heavily on his shoulders. Yet, even as the words leave his mouth, he’s working out how to move his bills around and where the nearest pharmacy is for condoms.

Stepping out of the booth, Jongseong holds the door open and ushers Heeseung to follow. Heeseung, still lost in thought, obediently steps out, the crisp evening air hitting his face, a welcoming cool to the flush of his skin due to talking to a sex worker for the first time and also the heat of the booth.

Jongseong wraps an arm around his friend’s shoulder, pulling him in with a gleeful tug. “Now, let's go get you some rubbers. I’m thinking extra small?”

“Shut the fuck up, Jongseong.”

_____

Standing in front of the shabby hotel, Heeseung braces himself for what will come. He should be ecstatic that he is finally on his way to losing his v card, but the dark clouds in the sky, the three buses, and the 30-minute walk to get to the Point A hotel have given him a dreaded sense of doubt.

The once vibrant red bricks of the building are now faded and chipped, with grime clinging to the crevices. The flickering neon sign above the entrance buzzes intermittently, casting a sickly green hue that does little to dispel the gloom. The place reeks of neglect, and a faint smell of dampness hangs in the air, mingling with the odour of stale cigarettes.

Heeseung’s stomach churns as he takes in the dilapidated surroundings. His heart pounds in his chest, and his palms are slick with sweat. Everything about this goes against what he stands for, but he thinks this might be the closest he will get in his young adult life. The last thing he wants is to be a 40-year-old virgin still complaining to Jongseong that numbing his hand and rubbing one out isn’t doing it for him the way it should.

He looks up at the darkened windows, some of them boarded up, others covered in grime. A lone figure stumbles out of the entrance, clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels, and disappears into the grey afternoon, reinforcing Heeseung's trepidation. Of course, the sex worker wasn’t going to ask him to meet in a swanky five-star hotel, but anything had to be better than this.

Taking a deep breath, he tries to steady his nerves. The anticipation that should be filling him with excitement instead gnaws at him with apprehension. His mind races with conflicting thoughts – the desire to finally cross this threshold clashing with the nagging sense that he's settling for something far less than he deserves. The thought of his future self, bitter and frustrated, pushes him forward despite the unease curling in his gut.

He can't let fear dictate his choices any longer; at the end of the day, virginity is a social construct, and women are the greatest gift from God, so there is nothing to be so scared about. Taking another deep breath, he steels himself and steps forward, ready to face whatever lies ahead within the confines of the Point A hotel.

Quickly, he grabs the shutting door and steps inside, his guard raising instantly as he sees the darkness of the foyer. This is the type of place where people mug you for fun rather than necessity. Stained mattresses are leaning against the graffitied walls, the overhead lights are dull, providing little support to Heeseung’s pupils, and the carpet beneath him is sticky, every fibre clinging to the sole of his Air Max trainers.

He takes tentative steps to the front desk, which has been barricaded by crossed steel bars and adorned with a sign reading ‘Police on Speed Dial’. This does little to make him feel any safer. Heeseung’s eyes squint as he gets closer to the desk lamp and sees a middle-aged woman reading the latest issue of the Digger, a local newspaper filled with all the latest and greatest gossip of the town. The last time he read that particular paper was in the doctor's office, and the headline was ‘HE’S ESCAPED’ with a picture of the man who murdered the shopkeeper and police officer up in Brixton.

Shivering, not due to the air conditioning above him, Heeseung knocks on the desk softly and clears his throat, gaining the attention of the relaxed redhead.

“Yeah?” she asks nonchalantly, her eyes flickering up to the scared boy as if he was inconveniencing her by making her do her job. “Single, double, or meeting someone?”

The question throws Heeseung for a loop. He doesn’t know what room you're in or even if you would have given your real name. Surely, you would have created a fake persona when you came here. What if Y/N was the fake name? His pulse quickens as he stammers, trying to find the right words.

"Um, I'm meeting someone," he finally manages to say, his voice barely above a whisper. The woman sighs, clearly unimpressed, and picks up an old, dog-eared ledger from under the desk.

"Name?" she asks, flipping through the pages with a disinterested expression.

Hesitating, Heeseung picks at the skin on his fingers and clears his throat again, a blush rising to his cheeks as he remembers that this is your regular spot, meaning that as soon as he utters your name - if that is the one you gave - then she will know exactly what he is here for. “Y/N. I’m looking for Y/N.”

The receptionist's eyes suddenly trail up and down his body, making him feel as though he is already naked. He is right in his suspicions; she is definitely judging him. Once she finishes examining him, she scowls in disgust and leans back into her chair, placing her feet on the desk as she grabs her paper once more. “Room 1015. And tell her she needs to calm it down with the lube she uses; it’s a bitch to get out of the sheets.”

Heeseung's face burns with embarrassment as he mumbles a quick “thank you” and turns away from the desk. He heads towards the lift, the receptionist’s gaze still sitting in the forefront of his mind, making him even more self-conscious than before. The lift pings open to reveal a tattered metal box, illuminated by a dirty yellow light that only makes the streaks of brown and rust stand out more. Maybe Heeseung should get a tetanus shot after all of this.

He presses the first-floor button with his elbow, careful not to touch anything with his bare skin just in case, and ascends to your room. The buzz from the light and the creak of the old wires holding the elevator make the journey last forever, considering it’s only one floor. But maybe that is also just his nerves. Heeseung's mind races as he stands there, the walls of the lift feeling like they're closing in on him. The air is stale, filled with a faint metallic tang that makes him uneasy.

As the lift jerks to a halt and the doors open, Heeseung steps out into a dimly lit corridor. The wallpaper is peeling, revealing patches of mould beneath. The faint buzz of a flickering light down the hall adds to the eerie atmosphere. Heeseung takes a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart, and walks towards room 1015. Each step feels heavier than the last, the worn carpet muffling his footsteps but not the pounding of his heart in his ears.

Pausing before your door, he abruptly pats down his jacket to ensure that he has brought the money and the condoms as per your request. His fingers brush against the crisp bills and the small, foil packets, reassuring him that he hasn’t forgotten anything crucial. The sense of preparedness does little to quell his anxiety, but it’s a small comfort amid his turmoil.

Heeseung breathes out slowly, cracking his neck as though he is bracing himself to fight with Roy Jones Jr. and not a 22-year-old girl who exchanges sex for money; although, he knows which one is scarier at this moment. His knuckles bang on the door lightly and suddenly his mind is reeling a mile a minute, all the questions and doubts he has been tackling within his mind for the past few hours now rushing to him at once. What if you aren’t who you say you are? You could be an old geezer looking to have his way with Heeseung and then toss him out the window with not so much as a thank you. What if this whole thing goes horribly wrong and cums as soon as you touch his cock? He spent last night jerking off and training himself to last just a little longer than usual in an aid to impress you.

Suddenly, there is a lump in his throat and trepidation overcasting the glee of losing his virginity. Something feels wrong, out of place, and his mum always told him to run at the first feeling of danger.

Yet, he doesn’t have another second to turn back and flee the scene because the door is swinging open and revealing-

You. Gorgeous, beautiful - definitely not a creepy old man - you. Heeseung’s jaw almost hits the floor like a cartoon character and his eyes turn to hearts as he takes you in. The baby pink robe you’re wearing with white lace detailing, your hair cascading down one of your shoulders in a soft, bouncy curl, and your lips that are tinted red like glossy maraschino cherries. You look even better than the poster in the phone booth if that was even possible.

His body flushes with heat as he sees your erect nipples poking through the silk, and he feels like he could faint. The sight of you is overwhelming, making his head spin and his heart race even faster. The trepidation that had gripped him moments before is momentarily forgotten, replaced by a rush of desire and nervous anticipation.

You smile warmly at him, a smile that reaches your eyes and seems to melt away some of his fear. "Hi, Heeseung," you say softly, your voice as smooth and inviting as honey. "Come on in."

Heeseung nods, stepping over the threshold and into the room. His movements are awkward and stiff, a stark contrast to your graceful fluidity. The door clicks shut behind him, and the reality of the situation hits him once more. But this time, the sense of wrongness is overshadowed by the sheer presence of you.

You move behind him and drink in the sight of him. If every client looked this good, you might just never complain again - but unfortunately, men like Heeseung come few and far between, like little sprinkles of water amongst oil. He is wearing slightly baggy deep-blue jeans, a white-faded-into-grey Rolling Stones t-shirt, and a red crinkled plaid shirt which is covered by a brown faux-leather jacket. Even his hair is washed and parted down the middle prettily, reaching his rosy cheeks and curving in slightly.

There isn’t a man that has ever looked this fine in your presence, so you’re starting to wonder why on earth he is still a virgin. Then again, he was super nervous on the phone, even making his friend speak for him to begin with - and with the lack of eye contact he is giving you, he clearly doesn’t do well in the presence of a female.

“I didn’t think you would come,” you observe, giggling as he tenses beside you.

Heeseung nods, agreeing with you almost immediately because for a good 2 hours while deciding on whether to wear his favourite boxers or a pair he got from his gran for Christmas, he almost decided to curl himself back into bed and forget you even existed.

The weight of his decision, the culmination of his fears and desires, all come crashing down at once as the silence settles. But standing there, with you smiling at him, he feels a small spark of hope, a glimmer of excitement that maybe, just maybe, this won’t be as terrifying as he’s imagined.

“You look unreal,” he whispers his inner thoughts out loud, causing him to slap his hand over his mouth, eyes shaking at the thought of saying anything at all to you.

His nervousness makes your heart cry, the cuteness trembling from his body is overwhelming, and you find yourself relaxing slightly. Heeseung is a gentle giant, and although he towers over you, he poses no threat at all which you gladly welcome considering what you normally have to deal with in this industry. It’s nice to not have to wonder what on earth a man is planning to do with you because you can’t read him.

Slinking your way towards him, you tuck a section of his soft hair behind his ear, his eyes closing and Adam's apple bobbing at your touch. “I’m as real as they come, baby. Why don’t you relax and give me your coat, hmm?”

As you reach for the brown jacket and try to push it off his shoulders, he flinches and backs away, hugging himself tightly. The sudden movement surprises you, and you quickly pull back, giving him space. His eyes are wide, like a deer caught in headlights, and you can see the internal struggle playing out in his mind. His face is flushed, and there's a mixture of fear and embarrassment etched into his features.

He quickly shakes his head, realising he startled you into a confused pout. “S-sorry! It’s just the money and condoms are in here and I…I think I might still be a little on edge considering this place is…well, it’s creepy as shit.”

Laughing loudly, you do a mix of nodding and shaking your head, puzzled by his reaction but understanding his apprehension of letting just anyone touch his belongings; God knows you’ve been held at knifepoint once or twice around this area. Your laughter, genuine and bright, seems to relax him a bit.

“That’s okay, Heeseung,” you say, throwing your hands up in a non-threatening gesture in an attempt to ease his tension, which works surprisingly well. You can see his grip on his arms loosen just a bit. “How about you hang it up behind the door?”

Heeseung looks over his shoulder and sees the empty hook, calling out for his slightly battered jacket. Whipping it off, he clenches it in his hands as though he is wringing it of water - probably his sweat - and perks up again, the nerves still evident in his voice. “Do I give you the money now or?”

You smile at his earnestness, understanding his need to follow the process correctly. His vulnerability is endearing, and you feel a protective instinct kicking in. “Normally, I would take the money upfront but since I trust you not to run away, we can sort it out before you go.” It’s a generous offer in Heeseung’s mind, but in yours, you just don’t know whether he is going to make it past touching one of your tits, so it’s better to actually charge him for what you do rather than jumping the gun.

Heeseung’s eyes widen slightly at your trust, and you can see the relief washing over him. He nods vigorously, his movements still somewhat jerky but more controlled now. “Thank you,” he mumbles, his voice soft but sincere. “I appreciate it.”

As he hangs his jacket on the hook, you can see his hands trembling slightly. He takes a deep breath, his chest rising and falling as he tries to steady himself. When he turns back to you, there’s a flicker of determination in his eyes, mingled with the lingering nervousness.

Turning around, you are suddenly standing there, your body almost pressed against his. “Come on, sit down for a minute,” you say seductively, code-switching into your sex worker persona with ease. It doesn’t take much, just lowering your voice slightly and hooding your eyes over seems to work for most men, and by Heeseung’s expression and nervous shuffle of his feet, it clearly works for him too.

You reach for his hand, and he instantly flinches, but soon gives way for you to wrap your hands around three of his fingers, slowly guiding him to sit on the edge of the bed. His breath hitches as your touch sends shivers down his spine, the warmth of your skin against his sending a jolt of electricity through him.

Heeseung’s heart pounds in his chest as he sits down, the bed sinking slightly under his weight. He can feel the heat of your body radiating against his, your closeness both comforting and intimidating. His mind races with a whirlwind of emotions—fear, desire, anticipation—all swirling together in a dizzying haze.

You sit beside him, your thigh pressing against his, and he can feel the warmth of your skin seeping through the fabric of his trousers. The sensation sends a shiver down his spine, and he can feel his cheeks flushing with heat. He swallows hard, trying to calm the rapid fluttering of his heart. He shifts uncomfortably, his nerves getting the better of him. But your presence is calming, your touch gentle and reassuring.

“Baby, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” you assure him, bringing your hand to play with the hairs on the nape of his neck.

The action causes his body to instantly fold inside itself, melting as you ease him gently into a state of comfort. He hasn’t been touched by a girl in the way you are right now, the closest he’s gotten is a handhold in primary 5 because his friends forced a girl to date him during lunch, so the way your long nails tickle his heated skin only gives his cock a reason to twitch.

Shaking his head, tensing slightly when he looks into your kind eyes. “No, no, I want to. I’m just not used to talking to girls, or looking at them, or being in the same room as them…” He begins to waffle, talking about everything he has never done with a girl and you find his honesty endearing.

“You haven’t kissed a girl either, have you?” you ask with a hint of amusement.

“Twice? I think. But they weren’t with tongues,” the shy boy cowards with his confession, scared of being scrutinised by the one person who is supposed to be helping him with all of this. He might just die if you start to point and laugh at him. But to his surprise, you nod understandingly.

In your world of sex and adultery, it isn’t usually a question. Everyone, especially at twenty-two has probably at least been kissed, but you don’t judge him for not being experienced in even that field. There is a vulnerability and sadness in Heeseung’s eyes that tell you everything you need to know about him; he’s quiet, timid, lacks confidence, and obviously doesn’t venture outside his friend group

You smile reassuringly, your hand still clasping his as you nod in consideration. “It’s okay, Heeseung,” you say softly, your voice filled with warmth and understanding. “We’ll take things slow, at your pace. And I promise, there’s no judgment here…I do have to make sure you’re of age though, y’know, caution and all that.”

It’s not that you think he is lying, you just need to be careful with clients like this, particularly virgins because sometimes it can be a boy chancing his arm at a shot to lose his virginity, and you are not catching a case for a few hundred quid.

Nodding, Heeseung understands what you mean and points to his jacket. “My provisional license is in my chest pocket. The one on the right,” he instructs. He would go get it himself but his legs are boneless with your proximity, so to save him embarrassment, he’ll let you venture for it.

You release his hand with a tender squeeze before walking to the door and reaching for his jacket, your fingers deftly searching through the pocket until you find his provisional license. With a quick glance to confirm his age, you let out a breath of relief. Everything checks out.

He is also super handsome despite the stoic face and reputation that licenses have for making people look ugly, which you think is unfair but don’t comment. Your driver's license looks like you’ve been swallowed by Jabba the Hutt and regurgitated back up, so the envy you are feeling is real right now.

Suppressing the green monster at Heeseung’s flawless appearance, you slip his license back into his pocket and make your way back to him, your movements slow and deliberate. As you draw nearer, you can see the anticipation in his eyes, his gaze fixed on you with a mixture of nerves and lust.

Teasingly, you undo the tie of your thin robe, letting it open slightly and revealing a tantalising glimpse of what Heeseung is paying for. The fabric falls away, exposing the curve of your left breast, perfectly formed and enticing.

Heeseung’s eyes widen at the sight, his breath catching in his throat as he takes in the sight before him. His cheeks flush crimson, and you can see the desire burning in his eyes as he drinks in every inch of your exposed skin.

This is his first time seeing a boob in the flesh and by God does porn not do it justice. Yours are just what he wants, the perfect size, look, and probably feel; he really needs to thank Jongseong for choosing you for this because he thinks he has hit the jackpot.

Licking his lips, his eyes trace down to your panties and it instantly makes him squirm in place. They match your robe, a soft baby pink but the main body of them is seethrough, decorated by small pink hearts and a delicate bow on the side. The band of them are a pale rose, popping the colour of your skin beneath them.

Seeing his reaction boosts your ego and you turn around, letting the silk drop at your feet as you glance back at him playfully, wiggling your bum to show how the panties are actually a thong that sits perfectly between your plump cheeks.

Heeseung doesn’t know where to look, your naked back, your peachy ass, or your beautiful featured face. So he decides what any virgin in his situation would do and looks away, staring at the popcorn ceiling that has leak stains on it.

Giggling, you walk over to him and straddle his lap, flicking your hair to the back to leave your breasts bare and in perfect sight for him to ogle at. Yet, he still doesn’t move. With a playful huff, you cup his face, your false nails scratching behind his ear as you pull him back to look at you.

“You’re going to have to look at me, baby,” you tease, angling his head and your body so his eyes have nowhere to look but your tits.

They’re even better up close and if Heeseung were any other man, he would be taking your perky nipple into his mouth and starting this session with ease. But he is not any other man, he is a virgin who drools at the sight of any Playboy or Zoo magazines in the windows of shops and then immediately feels guilty because he hates objectifying women in any way shape or form.

He even feels guilty for his cock twitching in his pants every time you call him baby, knowing you’re feeling how it’s practically jumping to be released from its confines and in your grasp.

Sensing his apprehension to make a move, you decide to take the lead slowly by kissing his forehead, your tits hitting his chest as you push further onto him with the movement. “We’ll start by kissing and see where it goes, yeah?”

Your voice is forgiving and reassuring, the pads of your thumbs stroking his cheeks with fondness that only makes him mewl out slightly. You stifle the laugh because you know how humiliated he will feel if you do, not understanding that the cause of your amusement isn’t due to his whining but rather how much you’re enjoying how lost in your touch he is.

Gently, you take his hands and place them on your waist, giving him as much guidance as you can without it becoming demanding. He tenses as he feels your velvety skin, your perfume enveloping him in a mask of florals and vanilla.

"Relax, Heeseung," you say calmly, your voice soothing and encouraging. "We will go as far as you want, and we can stop at any time. Just say the word, okay?

Heeseung nods, meeting your gaze with a mix of anxiety and trust. "Okay," he replies, just above a whisper.

Moving his hands up your back, Heeseung slowly eases into feeling you, gaining confidence with each tender stroke. His touch is gentle, almost reverent, and it sends a shiver of pleasure down your spine. It's a welcome change from the roughness you're used to with your last client in this slot, and you find yourself sinking into the sensation, enjoying the intimacy of a man's touch for the first time in a long time.

It makes you wonder if this is what having a boyfriend would be like.

Heeseung’s eyes haven’t left your breasts, committing every bump of your areola and stretch mark that creates a beautiful symphony of elegant but sexy, each nipple unique in its appearance and direction. There’s nothing better than your boobs at this moment in time; he would pay you the £300 right now if just for one squeeze.

Then it hits him - he could hold them if he wanted to, that’s what he is here to do after all.

Ghosting his fingers up your back, he creates a path for them to cascade from your shoulders to the top of your breast. You feel a surge of anticipation as he gets closer, his touch sending sparks of pleasure through your body, your cunt starting to drip at the gentle caress.

He stops for a while, contemplating his next move. His eyes look up to yours pleadingly, the virginity shining through his iris’. “Can I?” he asks, seeking permission before delving in.

The act of consent fills you with warmth, and without hesitation, you nod, a reassuring smile playing on your lips. “Anything you want to do, baby,” you assure him, your voice filled with encouragement.

Heeding your words, Heeseung finally makes his move, his digits whispering to your skin, giving them a tentative rub as he watches the skin melt around him. His thumb strokes over your left nipple, playing with it as if it were a fragile piece of art that he was too scared to break.

For some reason, the act is making you emotional, the way he is so delicately touching you. Never in your career have you seen something so pure and heartwarming. Every other virgin that has called you is just trying to stick it in your hole, never caring about your feelings or comfort.

Lifting his face up, you stare into his eyes with an underlying sparkle of adoration. If you could keep him as a client forever, you would, but you fear that this will be the last and only time with him, so you need to make it count.

You lean in, lips hovering over his petal-like ones and wait there for a moment, a silent ask for consent. It’s only fair considering his decency towards you.

With a nod and a stuttering motion, he presses his lips to yours oh-so-sheepishly. The touch is feather-light, almost tentative, and you can feel his nervousness in the way his lips tremble against yours. Yet there's a sweetness to it, a genuine curiosity and yearning that tugs at your heartstrings.

You respond gently, your lips moving softly against his, guiding him with tender patience. The kiss is slow, unhurried, and as you deepen it slightly, you feel him relax, his hands finding their way to your waist, gripping you a little tighter. His lips part instinctively, and you take the opportunity to slide your tongue against his, eliciting a soft gasp from him.

Heeseung’s reaction is immediate, his body responding to the new sensation with a mixture of surprise and pleasure. You can feel the tension melting away from him, replaced by growing confidence as he starts to explore the kiss with a bit more boldness. His hands roam cautiously, tracing the curve of your hips and the small of your back, his touch still delicate but increasingly assured.

Breaking the kiss, you rest your forehead against his, both of you breathing heavily. The intimacy of the moment hangs in the air, thick and heady, and you can see the mix of emotions playing out on his face - desire, excitement, and a lingering trace of apprehension.

“You’re doing so well, Heeseung,” you murmur softly, your fingers gently stroking the nape of his neck. “Just let yourself feel, and don’t worry about anything else.”

Heeseung’s eyes glisten with a mixture of gratitude and relief, and he nods, swallowing hard. “Okay,” he whispers, his voice steadier now. “Thank you.”

“You’re thanking me for kissing you?” you giggle, pecking his lips quickly. “How about I give you something to thank me for, to make sure you’re ready, hmm?”

Heeseung’s eyes widen, knowing exactly the act you’re alluding to, and he nods like an excited boy, a grin plastering on his face that exhibits disbelief and glee.

You guide him to lie back on the bed, the soft creak of the mattress punctuating the moment. Heeseung’s body is tense with anticipation, his hands clutching at the sheets as he watches you with a mixture of awe and nervous excitement. You feel a wave of tenderness for him, this young man who is putting his trust in you, hoping you can make this experience as good as he's imagined.

“Just relax,” you purr, your hands trailing down his chest, fingers brushing over his taut muscles that are hiding under his t-shirt. You can feel the rapid beat of his heart beneath your fingertips. “I’m going to take care of you.”

Slowly, you work your way down his body, your lips planting soft kisses along his chest and lift up the hem of his shirt to pepper some on his stomach. Each touch elicits a small gasp from him, his body reacting to the new sensations with a mix of surprise and pleasure. You can feel his muscles relaxing under your touch, his trust in you growing with each gentle caress. You feel a strange mix of responsibility and pride, wanting to show him just how good it can feel to be touched and cared for.

Reaching the waistband of his jeans, you look up at him, your eyes meeting his. “Is this okay?” you ask, giving him one last chance to change his mind.

“Yes,” he breathes out, his voice barely a whisper. “Please.”

With his consent, you unbutton his trousers and slowly slide them down, his boxers following suit. Heeseung’s erection springs free, his breath hitching as the cool air hits his heated skin. You take a moment to admire him, your fingers tracing delicate patterns along his length, feeling the tension and anticipation coiled within him. There's a sense of reverence in this moment, understanding the weight of trust he has placed in you.

“Just relax,” you repeat, your voice soothing as you wrap your hand around his shaft, giving it a gentle squeeze. He’s at least 6 inches and girthy, making your pussy clench at the thought of him being inside of you. “It’s a shame you’re not letting girls hit it, your cock is fucking spectacular.”

Heeseung’s face flushes with pride and embarrassment as you lower your head, your breath ghosting over his tip. “Oh, this is really happening…okay….fuck…” he breathes out, face turning red and eyes closing as he braces himself for the first contact. No one’s mouth has come this close to his cock so the feeling is overwhelming to his virgin mind.

You watch as his eyes flutter shut, his lips parting in a silent gasp and slowly take him into your mouth, your tongue swirling around his head, tasting the salty bead of pre-cum that has gathered there. His taste is new, unfamiliar, but not unpleasant - almost clean and without the taste of battery acid some of the men you work with have - and you relish the sounds he makes in response.

Heeseung’s reaction is immediate, his hips bucking slightly as a strangled moan escapes his lips. You place your hands on his hips, holding him steady as you begin to move, your mouth sliding up and down his length in a slow, rhythmic motion. The intimacy of this act, the connection you feel with him, makes your own body respond, a warmth pooling between your thighs.

His fingers dig into the sheets, his knuckles white as he tries to keep himself grounded, his breaths coming in short, sharp gasps. You can feel the tension building within him, the way his body trembles with each pass of your lips and tongue. You can sense his struggle to remain composed, his vulnerability on full display, and it makes you want to give him everything he needs.

Heeseung is doing everything in his power not to bust a nut right now, holding back as best as he can. He is also trying not to scream out a tiny ‘Yipee’ at the feeling of your tongue swirling the head of his cock. He’s trying to think of anything that isn’t sexy; his gran, Tony Blair, the old milkman that he swore spat in the milk before he delivered it. Yet, nothing is working because you are that fucking good, your mouth is driving him crazy that he genuinely thinks he could go insane.

You increase your pace slightly, your hand joining in to stroke the base of his shaft in time with your movements, and you can tell he’s close. His moans grow louder, his hips straining against your grip as he teeters on the edge of release. The power you hold over him in this moment is intoxicating, yet you wield it with care, wanting his first experience to be unforgettable.

And unforgettable it will be because just as Heeseung is seeing stars, the door swings open, revealing an angry and brute man. His face is red, sweating from the heat outside, his bald spot gleaming in the overhead light from outside, and his beer belly hanging over his two-sizes-too-small jeans, barely covered by the black worn-out t-shirt.

Charging in, he grips your hair, pulling out chunks of it and possibly some of your scalp as he rips your mouth off of Heeseung’s painfully hard cock. You scream in agony, tears pricking your eyes as he drags you around the room like a ragdoll.

Heeseung's euphoria crashes into a pit of dread, his heart pounding in fear as he scrambles to understand what’s happening. The shock freezes him momentarily, but seeing you in pain snaps him into action. He leaps from the bed, his mind racing with panic and the urgent need to help you.

But he doesn’t know what to do, his hands trembling and stomach tied in knots as he watches the man lift you up by your hair swinging you around as if you are nothing but a paintbrush he is trying to beat dry.

“You little slut!” the man yells, grabbing your throat with his free hand and pushing you against one of the walls. “This is my session, bitch. I pay you to fuck me, not suck off this toothpick!” The grip on your throat tightens with every syllable spat in your face.

You kick your legs in a pathetic attempt to get the man off you, your air cutting off as your face burns red with struggle. You take a good look at the man and realise it’s your client who usually has your 2pm slot, the same man who tried to force himself on you in your last session and ignored your boundaries. It happens sometimes in this job but they don’t typically come back and try to kill you, at least not in your experience.

Girls at your old job warned you about this, sharing detailed encounters with disgruntled punters, but never did you think that you would be confronting one so early on. He used to be a nice guy, tipping well and never being handsy when it was uncalled for, so when he tried to slip it in a hole only reserved for birthdays, you instantly told him to get out and never come back.

Yet, here he is, choking you out in front of a man you barely know, probably terrifying him for the rest of time. He came here to lose his virginity, not gain trauma.

Heeseung's heart pounds with fear and anger. The man’s violent outburst had shattered any lingering nervousness, replacing it with a fierce determination to protect you. His initial shock melts away, leaving only a raw, primal need to help you. He can't let this happen, not after what you've done for him, not to someone who’s shown him such kindness.

His eyes lock onto the lamp on the bedside table, contemplating his next move. He isn’t equipped for this but he has to make sure you’re safe at any cost. You don’t deserve this, no woman does, you provide a service that most men take advantage of - but not him, he won’t let this brute of a man win.

Apparently, you have the same mentality, your eyes searching the room for any object nearby. Your vision starts to black out, flashes of unconsciousness flickering over your eyes as you see a vase placed close to your right. It’s a stretch, but you reach out to grab it, your arm going limp and legs losing the fight but that determination in your body courses through and creates enough adrenaline to pinch the top of the vase.

With a swift motion, you lazily but forcefully thump him over the head with it. The blow lands with a thickening thud and the vase shatters into pieces, some of it cutting your arms as they ricochet down onto the ground. The grip on your throat eases ever so slightly as the attacker’s eyes roll to the back of his head for a moment, giving you the much-needed chance to breathe.

Heeseung, caught up in planning his own attack, grabs the lamp, the weight feeling solid and reassuring in his hands. He doesn’t think twice as he swings it with all his might, aiming for the man’s head.

“Let her go!” Heeseung screams, his voice cracking but filled with rage. He catches the man again with the base of the metal lamp, this time on his temple, forcing him to stumble back.

You gasp for air, collapsing to the floor as the man’s grip finally releases. Focusing your eyes on his face, you see the life drain from his body, the snarl that once painted his features now relaxing, face paling instantly as you see him wobble before crashing to the ground beside you.

Clinging to yourself out of adrenaline and fear, you cough, still gasping for needed air and that’s when you see it, the blood rushing from the guy’s head, leaking onto the carpet and staining it crimson with every passing second. Heeseung notices the damage just as quickly as you do, eyes widening and his head shaking, adamant that the man can’t be what he thinks he is.

“Oh my god,” Heeseung whispers, his voice trembling with shock. He drops the lamp, the clatter against the floor barely registering in his mind. “Is he... did I...?” He stutters, unable to complete his sentence, the reality of the situation crashing down on him.

You swallow the lump in your throat, adrenaline puppeteering your body to scramble away from the body and stand up, your eyes trained on the man as your body searches for a perch to rest on. The telephone and trinkets clatter to the ground as you lean against the Chester drawers, your heart pounding so loud you swear you can hear sirens.

“We…we need to call an ambulance,” Heeseung mutters, looking between the man and his own murderous hands. He can’t believe he caused this, a man is lying on the floor, gushing blood from his head all because of him.

As soon as the sentence leaves Heeseung’s mouth, your eyes shoot to him in bewilderment, mouth drying up at the thought. “We need to get out of here, Heeseung, we can’t call an ambulance.”

“We can’t just leave him here!” he protests, mirroring your confused expression.

“If an ambulance comes, then the police will, and we are fucked,” you exclaim in a rushed whisper, aware of your surroundings in the thin-walled hotel, not to mention the fact that the door is still wide open for anyone to stumble upon the brutality that has just occurred.

“It was self-defence!” he retorts, pointing to your neck as if punctuating the sentence with evidence.

You tremble, holding your throat and shaking your head, tears brimming in your eyes despite the urge in you to stay strong; you have never once been a crier, and you refuse to start now, not when you need to keep your head in the game and stay focused. “I’m a sex worker, Heeseung! They’ll lock me up in a minute and blame me for everything.”

Your brain betrays you, flashing with what could happen to you if the police even caught a whiff of you being here. It would automatically be your fault, no matter your plea of innocence. The authorities hate you despite most of them using call girls to relieve themselves in ways they won’t let their wives. You can see it now: the media frenzy, the courtroom, the cold, judgmental eyes of the jurors.

Heeseung’s eyes widen with understanding and fear, his breath coming in quick, shallow gasps. “What do we do?” he whispers, desperation lacing his voice. “I can’t go to jail, Y/N, they will eat me alive.”

Looking at him, you see how scared he is and you suddenly feel remorse over every other emotion that swirls in your body. He might have battered him over the head but it was you who was behind the reason; the boy felt an obligation to help you because he was here and afraid for your wellbeing. There is no way you can leave him to face this alone. It gnaws at you because you knew you should have either moved time or location, your gut telling you to do so only yesterday, but you ignored it, telling yourself that you were overreacting.

“We need to get out of here. Now,” you say with urgency, reaching over the dead weight of a man and grabbing your robe, tying it quickly around your practically naked body. “Grab your stuff, we’ll go down the back stairs, my car is in the worker's lot.”

“Where would we go? They know that we’re here,” Heeseung protests, running his hands through his hair in frustration, grabbing handfuls and tugging harshly as if trying to wake himself up from this nightmare.

Exasperated, you roll your eyes and snatch your bag from the end of the bed. You manoeuvre yourself around the room with desperate urgency, the breaths you are heaving out fueling you to think straight and keep to a plan. It’s pure fear that is driving your body right now, but you don’t fight it. Instead, you let it take you to safety and away from the carnage that you suddenly don't dare to look at.

Seeing you move with immediateness to the door, Heeseung subconsciously follows you like a lost puppy. Unfortunately for him, his fight-or-flight response has a third option: go into a state of haze. He doesn’t know what to do, and the bright idea that caused the mess before him only makes him doubt his mind about the next move, so he’ll follow you for now.

As you glance back at him, you see one slight issue, causing you to halt in your tracks, sparking confusion on his face, those bambi eyes you noticed now in full swing, making your heart flutter in the most awkward of times. Shaking it off, you turn your body and look down. “Uh, Heeseung?”

“What is it? What’s wrong, Y/N?” he asks nervously, his voice trembling with uncertainty.

Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath, steadying yourself before you speak. “You might need your pants,” you explain, opening your eyes and glancing pointedly at his semi-hard cock.

Heeseung’s face flushes a bright red, emulating the shade of a ripe tomato before he nods. His eyes dart around the room, searching for his clothes, only to spot his trousers and pants trapped under the dead man’s body. The sight of it sends a fresh wave of panic through him, his breath hitching in his throat. “Oh no... they’re under him,” he mumbles, his voice tinged with dread.

You take another deep breath, steeling yourself. “You have to move him, just enough to get your clothes. Can you do that?”

“Oh, yeah, just watch me heave up a 300-pound man off my Levis. Look at me, Y/N, I’m hardly a fucking gym rat.” The deflation and anguish in his voice are palpable as he walks around to the side where his jeans lie trapped.

You know he doesn’t mean to be rude to you, that it’s the fear talking, but you do miss when he was shy and couldn’t even form a coherent sentence without stuttering. At least then he wasn’t semi-shouting at you.

“Okay, okay,” you say softly, trying to calm him down. “We’ll do it together. I’ll help you.” You crouch down beside him, the closeness of the dead man making your stomach churn, but you push through it. You have to.

Heeseung’s hands are shaking as he reaches out, his fingers trembling as they touch the dead man’s shoulder. You can see the revulsion in his eyes, the sheer disbelief that he’s in this situation. With a deep breath, he steels himself, looking at you for reassurance.

“We can do this,” you say firmly, giving him a small nod. “On three, okay? One, two, three.”

Together, you heave, your muscles straining as you push the heavy, lifeless body just enough to free Heeseung’s clothes. The man’s weight is immense, and it takes every ounce of strength you both have. The dead weight shifts slightly, and Heeseung quickly grabs his trousers and pants, pulling them free with a grunt.

“Got them,” he says, his voice a mix of relief and horror as he scrambles to his feet, stepping away from the body as quickly as he can.

You stand up as well, wiping your hands on your robe, trying to rid yourself of the feeling of death that clings to your skin. “Hurry, put them on. We need to get out of here.”

Heeseung nods, his movements hurried and shaky as he pulls on his trousers and pants. The adrenaline pumping through his veins makes him fumble with the buttons, his hands still trembling. You watch him, your heart pounding in your chest, willing him to move faster.

Once he's dressed, you hastily grab his hand, pulling him out of the room and leading him to the backstairs, aiming for your trusty old Austin Metro. Your heart feels like it's about to burst out of your chest, the adrenaline of fear coursing through your veins. How could this happen to you? You were just trying to live your life and make some money, not become an accomplice to murder.

Heeseung's thoughts mirror yours, his mind reeling at the sudden turn of events. All he wanted was to lose his virginity, not become entangled in a murder. As his feet scurry behind yours on the stone steps of the hotel, he realises there's no way out of this. There's no one to save him; this experience has irrevocably altered his life, but not in the way he ever imagined.

He walked into that room as a virgin, but now he's leaving as a murderer.

taglist (closed): @yzzyhee @intromortal @zerobaseone-zhanghao @hooniehon @deobitifull @alvojake @sageryuri @slut4hee @binniesbabe @vveebee @minniejenseo @jebetwo @seunghancore @laurradoesloveu @yongbokified @jaehoonii @jaeyunluvr @melonvrs @criminalyun @enhastolemyheart @fakeuwus @flwrhoes @rayofsunshineeee @moonlighthoon @jaehyuniewifeu @en-ternals @haechonly @got-sunghooned @brownsugarbaybee @heeseungspookie @sunpov @who-tf-soddhi @bambangan

#enhypen smut #enha smut #enhypen x reader #enha x reader #heeseung smut #iavnam #aj writes #lee heeseung smut

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really-fanny-longbottom · 2 days

Text

Only In My Dreams - Part Two

Pairings: Azriel x Reader

Summary: You turned off your emotions so you could protect your heart but at what price?

Warnings: Angst, mentions of unrequited love/curse words/blood and death.

Words: 8.5k

Author's Note: This part ended up being much bigger than I expected. I thought about dividing it into two parts but I came to the conclusion that it would take away a little sense from the story. Enjoy!

Morning was here.

You left Emerie's house when the first rays of sunlight passed through the half-open bedroom window.

Your friends were still sound asleep when you pushed away their arms that tried to offer you some comfort during the night and got out of bed.

You had no intention in waiting for them to wake up and having to talk about what had happened just a few hours ago.

So you quickly changed your clothes and placed the backpack you had brought with you over your left shoulder.

You didn't bother looking back when you left the room.

The front door closed behind you, and you found yourself facing the sun that was almost reaching its usual place in the blue sky.

Sunrise has always been your favorite part of the day.

Not only for the view, but also for its meaning - every time the sun rises, a new day comes with it, a new day that seems like a new blank page giving you a new opportunity to do your best and let go of the past on the day that was left behind.

Besides, being a healer meant that your day always started early, so why not start it with the best view ever?

When you lived with your aunt Madja, you would go to the bridge over the Sidra and sit on the wall and when you moved to the House of the Wind you would go to your balcony and do the same.

You would close your eyes and tilt your head slightly upwards and immediately relax with the sunlight passing through your body and warming not only your skin but also your soul.

You don't know if it was because you're an empath but you've always felt a connection with the sun, as if you could feel its energy, it was as if the sun itself had emotions and was trying to communicate with you.

You loved how it made you feel.

But that was before.

Now, standing in the doorway of Emerie's house, as you looked at it, you didn't know what to do.

You stayed there for a few moments waiting for something to happen - for you to feel something.

But nothing came.

With a shrug of your shoulders, you turned your back on what used to be your greatest comfort and step by step you began to move away from it and the house.

As you walked, you didn't notice that the camp was starting to wake up, just as you didn't notice the sunlight fading away.

You winnowed as soon as you reached the edge of the camp.

Twenty minutes later, you were in Velaris about to arrive at your aunt's house to take a much-needed shower.

As you walked up the street, you didn't pay attention to any of the citizens who were opening their establishments and getting ready for a new day of work.

Some of them tried to get your attention to greet you just like they always did. You would look at them with your eyes full of color and wave greetings with a warm smile, sometimes you would even stop and talk to some of them.

But not anymore.

Now, you simply walked with an expression of indifference without removing your empty eyes from the path ahead.

You only stopped when an all too familiar voice filled the air around you - the voice of the last person you wanted to see right now. "Y/N."

You could already see your aunt's house from here, and you were so close to getting there.

Slowly, you turned around and faced the person who had stopped you from reaching your destination.

It was the wife of the patient you lost yesterday with one of their sons by her side, both wearing mourning clothes.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I saw you passing by, and I just wanted to thank you again for what you did for my husband yesterday." She told you with a weak voice, her eyes still red.

With a fake smile on your features, you ran a hand through your hair before telling her, "I was just doing my job. After all, that's what I'm paid for."

Surprised by your reaction, the female lost her words and after a few seconds to compose herself, she cleared her throat and said "Well, the funeral is this afternoon at three o'clock if you want to join us."

You laughed, and without a care in the world, you responded, "No, thank you. I have better things to do but have fun."

And with that, you turned your back on them and walked up the rest of the street before removing the small key from your backpack and entering your aunt's house.

The wife and son remained in their places, trying to understand what had just happened.

After placing your backpack on the sofa, you started heading to the stairs towards the bathroom, but before you could, an irritated voice stopped you in your tracks. "Where have you been?"

"Oh, for Cauldron's sake," you muttered and turned to find Madja with her arms crossed and an angry face.

"I was with the Valkyries. I spent the night at Emerie's." You told her with a tone of annoyance.

"I'm aware of that. The High Lord had the decency to send me a letter unlike you," Madja scolded before continuing, her voice turning softer. "He also told me what happened about Azriel."

When she opened her mouth to speak again, you raised a hand and stopped her from it, "Okay, auntie, it's too early for this. I'm going to take a shower and I'll see you at the clinic. Okay. Cool."

You used both hands to give the cool sign, but before you could step on the stairs, Madja called you again. "Wait."

"Ugh, you gotta be kidding me," you whispered low enough for her not to hear.

You saw your aunt grab a piece of parchment and hand it to you. "This arrived for you a few minutes ago."

When you unrolled it, you recognized Nesta's handwriting.

She was asking where you were.

Without hesitation, you crumpled the paper and threw it into the middle of the fireplace where it instantly began to burn.

"Anything else?"

When your aunt didn't speak, you accepted her silence as an answer and started climbing the stairs by jumping two steps at a time.

The bathroom door closed seconds later, and Madja, who didn't know what animal had bitten you to react like that, put a hand to her forehead before muttering to herself, "What was that?"

The clinic was very busy like almost every day but you never complained.

Unlike other people, you could happily say that you liked your work. Being a healer has always been a rewarding job.

There was nothing else you enjoyed as much as helping your patients. Heal them, make them feel safe, and heard. Make them feel important.

Your favorite days were the days you helped a new life enter this world. Seeing those beings so small and innocent was the best miracle of life.

But of course, like all jobs, yours also had a bad side.

Seeing your patients sick and knowing that in some cases there is nothing you can do to help, seeing them leave this life and the family they leave behind.

There were patients who had left such an impact on you that from time to time, they appeared in your dreams.

Sometimes, you felt guilty at their memory because you felt like you could have done more, but most of the time, their memories reminded you to do better for others.

But none of that mattered to you anymore. Now you simply limited yourself to doing your job so you could get paid.

You were finishing bandaging the knee of a boy who had tripped while running.

The boy had become a regular patient of yours, always finding a way to hurt himself, whether it is running or reading a book.

It was a simple wound that didn't require the use of your powers, so you cleaned, disinfected, and put a bandage on it.

Your right hand held his injured leg while the other tried to wrap the bandage, when you finished and lowered his leg, you noticed that he had a bruise in the exact place where your hand had been just seconds before.

With your focus on the wound, you hadn't even noticed the bruise. You went behind the counter and grabbed a bottle of ointment that you had made last weekend and handed it to the boy.

"Take this," you pointed to the bruise that had several shades of purple on his leg, "twice a day, one in the morning and one at night. If it starts to hurt, put some ice on it."

Following the movement of your hand, the boy saw the bruise for the first time with a confused face "Oh, I didn't even know I had that," he grabbed the bottle and with a toothless smile, he started heading towards the door but not without shouting first "Thank you Y/N! I'll see you next week."

"Whatever" you let out a sigh and walked towards your chair to take a break but before you could your aunt directed you to the next patient.

It was an old male who mixed up the plants in his garden and ended up using the wrong plant as a seasoning for his food.

He was slightly pale, nauseous, and had stomach pain.

"You mistake a poisonous plant for a seasoning plant?" You asked as you examined him, judgment written all over your face and voice.

"Yes, I know what it looks like," he explained between short breaths, "but it was an honest mistake."

"It was a stupid mistake." You answered him without hesitation.

You were too busy finishing your exam to notice Madja's shocked expression, who had stopped what she was doing at the sound of your words.

"Y/N!" She approached and scolded you. "You can't talk to patients like that."

"Why? It's true. It's not my fault he's an idiot." You told her with frightening indifference.

At your response, your aunt put her hands to her head with a whisper of "By the Mother," escaping between her lips.

She got closer to the patient and placed one hand on his arm before bringing the other to her chest and apologizing to him for your behavior.

The male, on the other hand, said, "It's okay, she happens to be right."

You scoffed "Of course I am," you turned to your aunt and with an air of irritation you asked her "Now, are you going to let me work or haven't you finished disturbing me yet?"

Shocked by your words, Madja didn't know how to react or what to say, so she limited herself to taking two steps back, giving you space to continue working.

She looked at you, trying to understand what was happening to you, because this type of behavior was not normal.

You had never spoken to her like that - you had never spoken to anyone like that.

You were sweet, attentive, and very polite. This was not the niece she knew.

She couldn't help but think that maybe this situation with Azriel and Elain was affecting more than you had let on.

Plus, she was well acquainted with how much your emotions could overwhelm you.

Choking sounds broke the trance she was in, and her mind refocused on what was in front of her.

You had started the healing process in the patient, and your hand hovered over his belly in order to try to eliminate the poison, but something was wrong.

Because the patient was now paler and bleeding from his mouth.

Madja saw you stop and look at her. "I think the poison is stronger than I thought." You kept looking at her, no doubt waiting for her to react, but when she didn't, you couldn't help the sarcastic comment that escaped you. "Are you waiting for him to die? Because my arms are starting to get numb."

That was enough to make her move and begin her own examination of the patient.

She frowned. Did you really just say that?

"Are you sure you gave me the correct name of the plant you used in your food?" You asked the patient while using a cloth to clean the blood, irritation in your voice.

He simply shook his head in confirmation.

"Maybe the plant you used was in contact with another. Are there any other poisonous plants in your garden?"

The male shook his head again, but this time in denial.

Your brain started working quickly trying to see all the possibilities and it was then that you turned to your aunt and found yourself saying "Maybe it's because he ate a long time ago and that allowed the poison to spread. I mean, who knows how long this idiot ingested a poisonous plant."

Madja didn't answer you and due to her silence, you removed your hands from the patient and met her gaze with your empty eyes and a bored expression in your features "Okay, so you got this right? I'm hungry, so I'm going to take a break." And with a look of disgust, you walked away.

The old female's heart was beating very fast. She couldn't believe what she had just witnessed.

Not just your words but also your actions.

Maybe she had seen wrong.

Maybe what she saw and made her freeze before you caught her attention hadn't happened.

Maybe she just imagined it.

Because it couldn't be.

Could it?

Several days passed, and you continued to act strangely since the day you returned from Illyria.

Madja was observing you now more than ever, and little by little, she began to assimilate all the differences that you now demonstrated, but the one that worried her the most until now?

The reason she made you work behind the counter taking care of patient charts so you wouldn't have to interact with them medically.

You weren't the niece she knew and loved so much, and she began to think that something else must have happened - something you weren't sharing with her.

And if Madja was honest with herself, you were starting to scare her.

Your behavior continued to become increasingly strange - how you interacted with patients, the way you spoke to her, your 'new clothes', and your nights out.

Not to mention what you had said to the family of the patient you lost a week ago.

Madja met them in the market when she went shopping for groceries, and when the widow told her what you had said them, she didn't want to believe that such insensitivity had come from you.

She thought about asking the Inner Circle if they knew anything but after meeting the High Lady on the street as she left her studio the other day, she informed Madja that it had been almost a week and a half since any of them had seen or spoken to you.

Feyre also explained that both she and the others sent several letters to you, and none returned with a response.

Not even Nesta knew where you were these days.

It was with this new information that Madja's heart began to tighten more and more with worry. Her sleep no longer came as it used to, and the feeling of calm that used to hover over her was gone.

Madja was well aware of your relationship with the older Archeron sister, that she was not just a best friend but a sister.

So why wouldn't you be talking to her? With none of them?

Rita's was full as always - full of life, light, and music.

People danced while others drank and gamble. Laughter, singing, and shouts of euphoria filled the air of the familiar bar.

This has always been one of your favorite places to spend time with your family, not to mention that Rita herself was a long-time friend.

Good memories were formed on the dance floor with Feyre and Nesta, on the karaoke stage with Mor, several shot battles with Cassian that often ended with the two of you on the floor and too many card games with Rhys and Azriel where you took all their money.

Whenever these memories surfaced, they warmed your heart and made you feel lucky to have these people by your side.

Now, you felt nothing besides an emptiness in your heart, but at least your heart was whole again, and that's what mattered.

You ordered your third drink of the night, and the moment you took the first sip, a deep voice was heard from behind you.

"Can I join you, my Lady?"

When you turned to find the owner of the mysterious voice, you couldn't hide the surprise on your face which you quickly replaced with a mischievous smile "Well, well, well, look what the wind brought."

Your colorless eyes meet golden ones that belong to a male with fiery hair and a smile that matches yours displayed on his lips.

You let your eyes roam the male in front of you as you analyzed him. He wore a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons open, brown pants where his muscles were visible and black boots.

"Eris Vanserra," you held out your hand for him to shake. Instead, he grabbed it and placed a kiss on your knuckles.

"Lady Y/N," he greeted, his eyes always fixed on yours.

You let out a light chuckle as you ran your eyes over the male again as he took the seat next to you. "Well, you look delicious."

"I could say the same about you," he replied with a chuckle, and now it was his turn to look at your form.

You wore a simple black strapless dress that fit your curves perfectly with a slit in the skirt on your left thigh and a pair of silver high heels that matched your jewelry.

Eris ordered his drink, and after you hit each other's glasses with a small 'cheers', you asked him the question you wanted since your eyes had landed on him.

"You are far from home. Tell me, what brings you to Velaris?" You took a sip of your drink before continuing. "Does Rhysand even know you're here?"

Following your movements, Eris took a sip from his glass before putting it down and answering, "I'm here because of him, actually. I had a meeting with him and his Inner Circle a few hours ago."

"Oh, and I thought you had come here just to see me," you said as you signaled the bartender to refill your glass.

"That can be arranged," the Heir replied as he took another sip without ever taking his eyes off yours.

You cleared your throat after an unexpected heat warmed your cheeks. "I'm surprised he let you come here."

Eris chucked and turned around in his chair and faced you before resting one of his arms on the back of your chair. "I'm surprised I didn't see you at the meeting with the others. Did you lose the invitation?"

You let out a laugh as you tilted your head back slightly before meeting those golden eyes again. "Nope, I just didn't want to go. Those meetings bore me to death."

Eris's laughter rivaled yours and after losing yourself to the sound for a few seconds, you regained composure and found yourself saying to him "So if the meeting ended a few hours ago, what are you still doing here?"

The male stared at you for a few seconds and you noticed his smile weakened a little at your question but he was quick to hide it before answering you "Maybe I wanted to see you before I left."

"You mean you want to avoid Beron."

Shock crossed the male's features, and when he opened his mouth to respond, you were quick to raise a hand towards him and stop him. "I'm an empath. Reading people is kinda my thing, remember?"

"Right, sometimes I forget that," he picked up his glass again and turned it around a few times in his hand and this time he kept his eyes on the drink as he asked, "so, does that mean you've read me before?" "

"Yes."

"And what did you read?"

"That this whole act of you being a bad, terrible and heartless male is just that. An act."

His eyes finally meet yours, and you proceed. "That you care. That you love your mother and Lucien more than you let on. And that you love your court and can't wait to get it out of Beron's claws."

"Hm," Eris leaned against the counter, and with a look of indifference on his face, he told you, "That's...accurate."

A smile returned to your lips. Your skills never failed you, at least not when it came to reading people.

"Do you want to know what else I read?"

Eris gestured with his hand for you to continue, coming closer to the edge of your chair, you leaned slightly towards him before telling him "That you, Eris Vanserra," you placed a finger on his chest "you will be a better High Lord than that terrible male ever was."

Eris swallowed the lump in his throat as you picked up your glass again and raised it towards him, making the Heir follow your movement.

With a clink of glasses, you both drained your drinks, and a mischievous smile returned to your lips. "So, are you spending your night here?"

Eris laughed, and as he placed some money on the counter for the night's drinks, he matched your smile, and with amusement in his voice, he asked you, "Why? Is that an invitation?"

You added the same tone of amusement to your voice when you answered, "Maybe."

You thanked the Mother that your aunt was working the night shift at the clinic and would only return in the morning. Otherwise, this would be embarrassing - for her, at least.

You walked up the stairs towards your bedroom with the male behind you.

Upon entering your bedroom, Eris looked around, noticing that it was small but cozy.

A bed was placed in the corner with a wide window behind it, a bookshelf full of books on healing and romance novels was at the foot of the bed with an puff in front of it against the wall.

Some paintings decorated the walls, several faelights lit up the small bedroom, and a desk was on the wall opposite the bed with a mirror on its side.

What also didn't go unnoticed by Eris was the pile of parchments you had on your desk.

"What's all this?" He asked as he pointed to it.

Your eyes followed his finger, and you noticed that the pile was now higher than yesterday - 'Madja must have added the ones that arrived this morning', you thought.

They were letters from your friends. The ones they've been sending since you left Illyria and have been avoiding them.

Every day, new letters arrive. Letters that you didn't even bother opening, let alone reading, so you collected them on top of your desk. Why? You still didn't know.

There was a morning when a letter signed by Azriel was on the carpet at the entrance of your house - that one went right to the fireplace.

With a shrug, you simply said "Trash" and picked them all up and placed them in the trash can before leaning against your desk while Eris sat on your bed.

"You look different." The male's voice filled the bedroom.

"What do you mean?"

It was Eris's turn to shrug before continuing, "You seem more...free."

You chuckled, and as you ran a hand down your dress, you said, "I feel like that."

There was a moment of silence, and you watched the Heir as he looked at one of the paintings next to your bed.

Your eyes fell on his body again, and with a thought coming to your mind, a feline look and smile took over your face.

Noticing the way you were looking at him, Eris leaned on his forearms and shot you a bold smile. "What is that little head of yours thinking about?"

You laughed at his words, and as you approached him, you rested your hands on his thighs. "I have a question."

His smile grew even wider, and one of his eyebrows rose, and you took that gesture as your cue to continue.

Your hands moved to his chest as you straddled his hips, "I want to know if what everyone says is true."

He placed his hands on your thighs and, in a whisper, asked, "What is true?"

You leaned into his chest and as you brushed aside his hair with your hand, your lips hovered over his ear "That the Autumn males have fire in their veins and they also fuck like it."

Eris's body tensed beneath yours at your words, turning his smile into mischief, and the smell of arousal began to fill the small bedroom.

"It's true." Eris straightened up, taking you with him and pushed your hair behind your shoulders.

You intertwined your fingers in his fiery hair, and still in a low voice, you said, "I'm afraid I'm going to need proof," earning a few chuckles from him.

With a kiss on his neck and then another on his shoulder, you whispered, "Why don't you show me?"

Eris giggled, and with his hands now on your waist, he murmured, "As you wish, my Lady." Before connecting his lips with yours.

And so he did.

Several knocks on the front door woke you up the next morning.

You let out several curse words as you went down the stairs only in underwear while you tried to button the white shirt that you stole from the male who was still sleeping in your bed.

You only had time to button the last three buttons of the shirt before you reached the door and turned the handle to open it.

"Oh, for God's sake," you ran a hand over your face before crossing your arms and leaning against the door. "What are you doing here?"

The High Lord of the Night Court was at your doorstep dressed in his usual black suit with his hands in his pockets.

"Good morning to you too." Rhys said with a look of indifference at your choice of clothing to open the door.

"What are you doing here?" You asked the question again.

"You missed yesterday's meeting, and as you haven't answered any of our letters, I decided that perhaps it would be better to pay you a personal visit." He finished with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

You ran a hand through your hair again before giving him an irritated look. "And you decided to come..." You stretched back to see the clock on the living room table "at seven in the morning?"

"I went to the clinic, and you weren't there."

"Today is my day off."

He cleared his throat, ignoring the fact that your bra was showing, "Why didn't you go yesterday?"

"I've been busy." It was your only answer.

Rhys was about to speak again when someone's footsteps coming down the stairs reached both your ears.

"Do you have guests?"

"She does. And he's really annoyed that you made her get out of bed at this hour." Eris said as he stood right behind you in just his boxers.

One of his hands went to your shoulder and the other to the door. “Good morning, Rhysand.” He said with a smile.

"Eris." Rhysand replied with an expression of indifference, but you knew that deep down, he was surprised to see him with you.

Silence hung in the air as the two males looked at each other and you looked between them.

The High Lord broke the silence without taking his eyes of the Autumn Heir. "What is he doing here?"

With a shrug and an air of amusement, you replied, "Eris wanted to see Velaris."

A laugh sounded behind you, and you joined him, and when you noticed the frustrated look of the male in front of you, you couldn't help but ask, "You don't like the view?"

"I can't say I do." Rhysand answered with his eyes now meeting yours.

"Well, that's a shame. Maybe next time, think about letting me know you're coming before you show up at my door at seven in the morning." And with a fake smile dancing on your lips, you closed the door in his face.

Madja continued to look at you from moment to moment, trying to understand you as she has been doing in the last few days without success.

You were working at the counter, updating patient charts, and you seemed so normal. It seemed like everything was fine.

But Madja knew it was just an illusion.

The atmosphere between you was now stranger after her shift ended early, and she found you with a male on the living room couch a few days ago. Not just a male but the Heir of Autumn.

You laughed at the situation while she didn't think it was that funny. In fact, she thought it was shocking, considering this had never happened before.

Her worry grew with each passing day.

It was only when a letter from Rhysand arrived at the clinic that morning informing that you were to appear at the Townhouse for a meeting in the afternoon that the old female's heart relaxed for a moment.

The High Lord also took the time to explain in the letter that if you didn't show up this time, he himself would pick you up and carry you on his shoulder if necessary as this meeting was not optional.

When you finished reading, you huffed and muttered a small "I'd like to see you try" before crumpling up the piece of parchment and throwing it in the trash can.

You kept yourself busy at the clinic, and when the time for the meeting approached, you didn't bother finishing your work and going.

You simply continued doing your job and about twenty minutes later, when you returned to the counter, your eyes met violet ones.

The High Lord was now in front of you and with your biggest smile of innocence, you asked him "Are you here for an appointment? Or maybe you came to pick up some medicine?"

Rhysand faked a smile at your sarcastic comment - apparently you made a lot of those now.

"Where is your red-haired lover?"

You looked down, and started looking in your pants pockets and when you finished, you met his violet eyes again before saying "Not in here."

The male sighed loudly and in a deep but calm voice said to you "The meeting started twenty minutes ago."

"I know," you said without ever breaking eye contact.

"And can you explain to me why I had to come here?"

With a hand gesturing around the waiting room where multiple patients were, you replied "As you can see I've been very busy. A lot of people don't have the choice to spend the day sitting around doing nothing." You finished by resting your head on your hands, which were on top of the counter.

Rhys furrowed his eyebrows. Since when did you talk to someone like that?

At his confused look, you let out a dry laugh and, continued "I have no interest in going to the meeting, so I'm sorry you wasted your time in coming here, Rhysand."

"Rhysand?" He asked dumbfounded as he saw you walk away from the counter and grab the next patient's chart before making your way to where a old female was seated.

He wasted no time in following you "Since when do you call me by my full name?"

You were quick to mutter "Since you came here to be a pain in my ass" in response.

And this was enough of a reality check to make the male stop in his tracks. Rhys had received a letter from your aunt a few days ago informing him that you were different but he discard it since the events of that night were still recent.

But now that he allowed himself to really look at you - he saw all the signs. Not only in the way you were acting but also in your clothes.

You were always a warm and happy person and you reflected that in the clothes you wore with light and vivid colors.

Normally you always wore dresses or a skirt with a top as the days at the clinic required you to walk from one side to the other and that way you were more comfortable as you had explained once when Cassian commented that you always looked like a princess.

But now? Now it seemed like the princess had been replaced by an evil queen.

Leather pants covered your legs while a black strappy top was on your torso tucked into your pants and held up by a belt with silver details around your waist.

Black high heels, eyeliner on your eyes and red lipstick on your lips completed the outfit.

You looked like a completely different person.

'What the hell happened?' The question echoed through his mind before Rhys gently grabbed your arm and turned you around.

He decided at that moment that this could (and would) be talked about later, the important thing now was getting you to the meeting.

"Y/N, we have a meeting to attend. Let's go."

"I already told you that-"

Before you could finish, Rhys took the patient chart from your hands and handed it to a dark-haired healer that was passing by before crouching down and lifting you onto his shoulder with one hand still gripping your arm while the other reached around your legs to hold you.

"Rhysand! Are you kidding me?" You said and started swearing as you hit his back with your free hand.

On your way out, both of you passed by Madja and Rhys assured her that he would bring you back home in a few hours.

The old healer felt more at ease knowing that you would be safe with your friends and despite the worry that filled her heart, she couldn't help but let out a chuckle at the sight of you on the High Lord's shoulder.

Maybe this was exactly what you needed - a night out with your friends.

Hope replaced some of the worry that she had been carrying these last few days, that after tonight, you would come back happier.

You would come back as the Y/N she knew.

"Seriously, Rhysand? Are you going to carry me like this the whole way?" You asked with annoyance in your voice.

"Yes." A hint of embarrassment crossed the male's face at the use of his full name.

Several curses were muttered in a low voice as the eyes of the citizens of Velaris focused on you and the male who carried you, one of your arms still trapped in his hand.

Some citizens looked curious while others laughed, but they all whispered about the reason for such a view.

"Rhysand, people are looking." You mumble with a pat on his back.

"I know," were his words as he sent smiles and slight waves in the direction of his citizens, as if this were some kind of show - one he was enjoying too much for your taste.

Using his daemati powers, Rhysand sent a message to his family - a message warning them to prepare themselves.

"Well, this is a new view." You heard Cassian's voice when you and Rhys finally entered the Townhouse's living room.

Rhys stopped in front of the couches where his family sat, some of them with drinks in their hands, "Sorry it took so long. I had to walk."

A tap on Rhys' back sounded through the room followed by a small murmur of "Prick" coming from you.

"Hey" Rhys tried to scold you at the same time you said "Does my ass look good from back there?"

Rhys sighed loudly, earning a few chuckles from the people in front of him.

They had been talking about Rhys's warning before you arrived but they couldn't deny that your actions were funny despite the situation.

"Was this really necessary, Rhys?" Feyre asked with a small smile gracing her lips.

"Believe me, it was." Rhys began to gently place you on the ground before rising to his full height again and placing his hands in his pockets.

You turned to face the rest of your friends and managed to catch the surprise that crossed their eyes when they saw you in your new outfit.

"Hello." You greeted them with a slight nod.

"You're late, girl. Did you lose track of time?" Amren asked you while drinking from her glass of wine.

"No, I just didn't want to come." Was your response before grabbing the glass of whiskey that Cassian was passing to Rhys and sitting on the couch between Nesta and Elain.

Nesta turned towards you and said softly, "I've been trying to talk to you these last few days."

"I've been busy." You said without looking her in the eye.

Nesta furrowed her eyebrows at your behavior.

She had received Rhys's warning just like the others but she really thought things would be different with her.

That even though you were different with the others, you wouldn't be with her and that she would be the person to go through you, just like you did for her a year ago.

When you saw Nesta opening her mouth with the intention of speaking again, you were quick to cut her off "So are we going to start this meeting or not? Since I was dragged here like a sack of potatoes." You mumbled the last part.

The High Lord cleared his throat before beginning "I had a meeting with Eris the other day. Apparently Beron allied himself with the human queen Briallyn who in turn allied herself with Koschei."

"We need to know Beron's plans are with this new alliance and that's exactly what Eris is doing. I'm going to meet with him again in two days and that's where you come in, Y/N."

At the mention of your name, you looked at the male who was already looking at you. With a raise of your eyebrows, he continued "I need you to come with me to the meeting and read Eris. I need to know if he is being honest or not."

You chuckled "Why would he lie?"

"He has lied before." Azriel spoke for the first time since your arrival.

You looked at him with a cold look, and everyone else could have sworn that the temperature in the room dropped when your colorless eyes met his.

"So have you." You didn't hesitate to respond. You saw him flinch and stared at each other for a few more seconds before he looked away and you continued "So has everyone else in this room. Except Elain of course. Perfect, sweet and innocent Elain would never do that."

You looked at the female with a fake smile and it was at that moment that you realized what was in front of you.

Azriel and Elain sitting on different sofas far from each other without any kind of physical or visual contact.

As you exchanged glances between the two, a smile began to form on your lips at the realization.

Lifting a finger you gestured between the two of them before trying to express your curiosity "What's wrong with the love birds?"

When no one responded, it didn't take long for you to speak again. "Trouble in paradise? Oh, wait. I know. You finally remembered Lucien." You finished with a laugh.

You saw Azriel's jaw throbbing in frustration and as you were really enjoying this new view, you decided to continue.

You moved closer to Elain and placed your arm around her shoulders before telling her loud enough for everyone to hear, "In my opinion, you should choose Lucien. You know that rumor that Autumn males have fire in their veins and also fuck like it?"

You heard Rhysand swear in the background, giving you a new smile and encouraging you to continue. "Well, it's true. Eris proved that to me the other night." You finished with a wink in her direction.

"Y/N." Rhysand called you out with his High Lord voice.

"What? It's the truth," you laughed and started to get up to leave.

Upon seeing you get up, Feyre was quick to gently grab your wrist and turn you towards her, she held your hand with both of her hands and said calmly "Did you receive our letters?"

You looked at your joined hands before answering her "I did."

With a slight nod, she asked again "Did you read them?"

You looked at her and when you saw your friend's face, you let your guard down for a second and tried to read her emotions instinctively.

But then a movement in the corner of your eye caught your attention.

Azriel was filling his glass and in sight of the male, you remembered why you did what you did to protect yourself.

For that same reason, you moved away from her touch and with a cold voice you gave her the answer she didn't want to hear.

"No. In fact, I throw them away. With the exception of your letter, Azriel," you turned to the male who froze in his place with your voice addressing him, "I burned yours."

And with that you started to make your way to the front door with Rhysand behind you to take you home, just like he had told your aunt, leaving your friends shocked without knowing what to say about this new version of you.

Cassian followed you to the door and stopped you before you could open it. "You never came back to the House of Wind."

Upon meeting the General's eyes, after your interaction with Feyre, you realized for the first time that where affection and love for your friends used to be was now empty.

"I moved out. I'm living with my aunt again." A shrug accompanied your response.

"Why?" He asked you.

The truth is that you felt embarrassed.

Embarrassed about that night.

Embarrassed that you cried in front of your aunt and your friends.

Embarrassed that you fell in love with a male who had no interest in you.

Embarrassed that you let a male make you feel this way, that you gave him so much power over your emotions.

Embarrassed by how weak you felt.

But not anymore.

Now you feel nothing.

And that's exactly how you wanted it.

You didn't bother to answer him before turning your back on him and disappearing into the darkness of the night with Rhys by your side.

The office door opened softly letting the light of the faelights fill the hallway.

Feyre slipped inside before spotting her mate standing in front of the desk with a book that by the looks of it must be very old as he inspected the pages.

"What is that?" Feyre's voice echoed through the silent office, making her mate's violet eyes meet her light blue ones.

"It's a book about rare powers, it has several chapters about empaths. I borrowed it from Helion after Y/N came to the house." He explained with his eyes returning to the yellow pages.

Feyre laughed lightly as she recalled how her friend had arrived at the residence. "You mean when you had to carry her here?"

Rhys tried to laugh but a weak smile was all he could muster. The small gesture did not go unnoticed by the High Lady, nor did the concern on the male's face.

"You're worried about her, aren't you?"

With a long sigh, Rhys stood up to his full height and faced his wife, "Very. Something happened to her and we don't know what," as he crossed his arms over his chest, he leaned against the wall before continuing "She's different. She's insensitive and arrogant. That's not our Y/N."

The last sentence made Feyre's heart tighten a little - she felt it too. They all did and they all missed their friend.

"Did you notice the way she looked at Azriel?" Feyre asked, when she saw how you looked at the male, she thanked to the Mother that she wasn't the one on the receiving end of it "It was like she never felt anything for him, like she hated him. It was scary actually."

Rhys's eyes widened as the realization made its way through his mind. "Like she didn't feel..." he muttered softly and approached the book again.

Confused, the female approached the desk trying to figure out what Rhys had just realized, as he started flipping through the pages faster and faster.

Feyre was surprised the pages didn't tear considering how old they were and how quickly they were being flipped through.

"Rhys?"

The High Lord stopped at a page and after reading it and rereading it several times, Feyre heard his heart starting to race.

Very slowly, Rhys raised his head to meet his mate's eyes and with a low voice he finally revealed the reason for his reaction. "She turned them off."

"What?"

His heart started to beat even faster "Her emotions. She turned them off," Rhys ran a hand through his hair making it even more uneven, "Y/N turned off her emotions."

Shock began to course through the High Lady's body and she didn't hide it when she was invaded by it. "Is that possible?"

At her question, Rhys turned the book towards her and let her read the information he was still trying to process. Everything started to make sense.

"The way she talks, her clothes and the fact that she doesn't care about anything...all of this because-"

"Because she doesn't feel anything." Rhys finished for her.

As he opened his mouth to speak again, several knocks on the wooden office door interrupted him.

Clearing his voice, Rhys gave the order for the person behind the door to enter.

It was quite late, with most of their family having gone to their respective rooms a few hours ago, but the couple couldn't hide their surprise when the person knocking on the door turned out to be Nuala.

"Nuala? Is everything okay?" Feyre asked.

The half-wraith stepped forward and without revealing anything in her features, she replied "I'm not sure, High Lady. I came to inform you that Lady Madja is in the living room and has asked to speak to the Inner Circle immediately."

Even more confused than before, they both questioned why would Madja be here in the middle of the night.

Nuala continued "Lady Madja said it was urgent. It's about Y/N."

At the mention of your name, two sets of chills went down the couple's spines and Rhys was quick to give Nuala a new order "Wake everyone up."

The Inner Circle met in the living room with Madja among them.

Rhys proceeded to explain what he had discovered about you just moments ago.

The book now sat on the old healer's lap as she reread what her niece had done with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

Madja knew something was wrong with you but she would never have guessed that this was the reason behind it.

"So, she doesn't feel anything?" Nesta asked.

If this matter had been about anyone else, she wouldn't have bothered to show her sadness but you weren't anyone else. You were her best friend. Her sister.

"Yes." Feyre said with a lump in her throat.

The room fell silent as everyone tried to process this new information.

In the corner of the sofa, Cassian blamed himself for not having noticed sooner and not having done anything to help; Elain kept looking around the room with the feeling she was being judged and Azriel was rethinking all the signs you had given him that he hadn't noticed.

"It's no one's fault," Rhys' voice caught their attention but his attention was only on Cassian, "We had no way of knowing this. Without that book we wouldn't even know this was possible."

The General hadn't even realized that his shields were down but his brother's words brought him comfort.

"What do we do?" Mor spoke for the first time since entering the room "How do we get her back?"

Hurt flashed across Rhys's face and before he could respond, Madja did it for him. "We can't," all eyes turned to her and for the first time since they had known the healer, they saw her cry.

"Y/N is the only one who can turn her emotions back on. It's up to her and only her," with new tears falling down her cheeks she concluded, "There's nothing we can do."

Feyre placed a hand on the old female's shoulder. "I'm so sorry Madja."

Madja let out a long sigh and before she could hesitate any further she said "That's not all. There's a reason I came here tonight."

"What do you mean?" Cassian asked.

"Y/N's personality isn't the only thing that has changed."

The room became tense and several breaths were held.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Amren asked and if Madja knew her better, she would have sworn she had just heard a hint of fear in Amren's voice.

"I've been trying to figure out why for several days but this..." she pointed to the book, "this explains everything."

With all eyes focused on her, the old healer begin to explain "A few days ago I put Y/N to treat a boy's knee. She grabbed one of his leg and when she put it down there was a bruise in the same place her hand was. Y/N assumed she just hadn't seen the bruise before but that was because the boy didn't have any. I was the one who sat that boy in the chair and the only thing he had was the wound on his knee and nothing else. I would have noticed the bruise if he had it."

"What are you trying to say, Madja?" Rhys asked, he could feel that with every word the old female spoke, everyone became more nervous.

"After the boy," Madja continued, "she attended to a male who had ingested a poisonous plant by mistake. When she used her magic to heal him, he started spitting blood from his mouth and became very pale. Y/N thought that the poison was stronger than she thought but when I came to help the male...I managed to cure him without any problems."

"Madja, what are-" Nesta tried to ask.

"I think...," Madja ran a hand through her black hair, "I think when Y/N turned off her emotions, I think it affected her powers too. When I saw her trying to heal that male, her powers weren't emitted by a white light like all healers."

Mor's voice shook as she asked "What was it?"

Madja stared at the blonde female before telling her "Darkness."

Several curse words passed through the room, increasing the tension that was already in the air.

"I think Y/N gave the boy that bruise and I think when she tried to take the poison out of the male...I think she ended up spreading it."

"Over the next few days, each time Y/N used her powers to heal the patients...they all got worse. Eventually, I had to put her to work behind the counter so she couldn't hurt anyone else."

This new revelation of your powers only made a bad situation even worse and much, much more dangerous.

It is already quite dangerous for a person not to be able to feel anything as this means that they cannot distinguish right from wrong just as they cannot understand when to stop but to have their powers changed?

Amren set down her glass of wine before speaking "If you think about it it makes sense," she began drawing all the attention to her "When Y/N turned off her emotions, she turned off everything that was a part of her, including her own person."

"What does this mean?" Nesta asked with fear on her face not only for what this could mean but also for you.

Azriel was the first to realize with Amren's words being the last piece of the puzzle he needed "Mother help us. Madja, you're not trying to say that Y/N is now a..."

The male couldn't find the strength to finish his sentence but it wasn't long before Cassian continued where he left.

"A what?" He asked, eyes bouncing between his brother and the healer. "She's a what?"

With a long sigh, Madja said "Y/N is no longer a healer."

No one was prepared for Madja's next words. They didn't know what to expect when she came to their house in the middle of the night but they never would have thought of this turn of events.

They would never have guessed that their friend's pain was so deep that it would cause this to happen.

"Y/N is a necromancer."

Author's Note: Thank you for reading! If you wish to be add to the general taglist, let me know!

Part One

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emmyrosee · 14 hours

Note

What would boyfriend sukuna do if he accidentally made his beloved cry? 👀🩵

*claps hands together and bites lip* AYO-

You’d been arguing about something minuscule, about whose turn it was to wash the dishes, and he merely rolled his eyes and said he could find someone else who would do it.

Because sukuna doesn’t think. No matter the time, the context, the situation, when he’s on defense, he’s going to bring out the big guns and says things to hurt. To damage, to break, to shatter.

Because sukuna is not a good person. He may smack on this “learning how to love” facade, he may hold doors open for you and cradle you when you cry, he may introduce you to his friends and family, but at the end of the day, he’s a trashy man who just fends for himself and only thinks about himself.

Or. That’s what he thought.

Until he sees the hot, betrayed tears bubbling in your waterline. He sees the way your shoulders are tightened, and the way your bottom lip wobbles. He sees the way you look at him in disgust, in hatred, you hate him you shouldn’t even be looking at him right now, but you’re so in disbelief that he could conjure such a claim to you that, like a car accident, you can’t look away. Your eyes glaze over his body in distain and god, fuck, he would do anything, worship any gods, fight any evil and give up his greatest treasures if it meant you’d never look at him like this again.

“Why would you say that?” You whimper, and he sees your hand twitch as it makes a move to wipe the tear, but you never connect the movement. The tear falls, and so does your clenched hand. “Did that make you feel better? To hurt me like that?”

“No,” he chokes. “No, no, this isn’t right, I didn’t mean that-“

“You sure had a hell of a time hiding it,” you scoff, and your arms come up to hug yourself, an action that he should be doing, but he feels like if he moves he’s going to shatter. “God, fuck, what were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t,” he rasps. He cards a big hand through his hair, “fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that, not to you, never to you.” His hands ball into fists as he loses himself, “fuck, fuck fuck, god, I swear I didn’t mean that, I would never-“

“But you did, Sukuna,” you wail in anguish. “And you said it so easily, what, do you have someone else on the back burner?”

“I don’t!” He says, mind melting and heart pounding because he ruined this, he ruined one of the few good things in his life, all with one stupid phrase he never should’ve even let cross his mind, let alone his lips. “It’s only you, I’m only ever obsessed with you! I love you!”

Love is not a word Sukuna uses. It’s more well intentioned hugs and kisses, he’s a shower not a teller, and he takes in a big gulp of air as the foreign word tingles his tongue. You blink at him in awe, and he lets out a shaky sigh, “god, fuck, I love you. And… And-And-And I’d never want to make you hurt this. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

The room is quiet. The air is heavy as sukuna watches you cautiously, not sure where to go from here.

Then, you sniffle and walk towards him. You slip into his arms, and sukuna thinks you’re made of glass, too fragile to be in his cruel embrace. He gently cradles the back of your head as you cry softly into his chest. “I’m sorry,” he echos. “I mean it. Never going to say that shit again.”

“You fucked up,” you sniffle.

He swallows the thick wad in his throat and blinks up to the sky, begging to be grounded in his heightened state.

“I know.”

“I hate you.”

But he’s got you, for now. That’s all he cares about, and if you ever smarten up and leave him for the dirt he is, he’d never blame you.

But for now…

“I know.”

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satorubi · 2 days

Text

꒰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦 ꒱ a night of ferris wheels, face paint, and fried oreos quickly becomes sour when a 'cheer me up' date with eren leads to you doing the walk of shame back to your apartment.

꒰ 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐫 ꒱ eren x yn, blk fem reader 14.6K words ╰┈➤ yn uses she / her pronouns, eren’s so lovesick m' sad, connie is a prick lmao, toxicity warning, pussy play, slight handjob, female & male orgasm, doggystyle, breeding lol, yn cries but s’ from pleasure, slight conflict - arguing, eren gets his heart broken i fear :/, yn is delusional 4 con ngl, pet names used such as bby, sweet girl, mama, pretty girl, angel, etc.

꒰ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 ! ꒱ i almost abandoned this fic but i got my spunk back n' now i feel dramatic lol, anyway . . this one will be menacing. i feel like the smut is all over the place but ugh, we'll see. also i wrote connie with a man i used to know in mind so forgive me if he’s an absolute asshole. thas all 4 now. lol, bye. enjoy n’ don’t forget to read my content warnings above before continuing please n thank u :3 — icymi < prt 1 & prt 2

the sound of crème-colored nikes hastily screeching down the hallway punctuated connie's furious trek to eren's condo. his face was a mask of annoyance and barely restrained rage. 'of course you'd run here', he utters bitterly under his breath. where else would you go after that tantrum you threw this morning. wasn’t that what the argument was about? how much better eren was than him? how much of a bad, horrible potential boyfriend he was?

connie scoffed, shaking his head as his mind conjured up his worst nightmare scenario : eren, with his arms wrapped around you, nuzzling against your neck, poisoning your mind with whispers about what a loser your boyfriend was and how you should ditch him.

but even as jealousy clawed at his throat, he still couldn't muster up an ounce of guilt for his own contradictory. yeah, maybe he'd possibly been seeking comfort in someone else's arms too - late nights at work that had absolutely nothing to do with getting some overtime in like he’d told you, devious texts he’d made sure to delete before coming to visit you . . . that was his business. he had needs, and if you couldn't satisfy them, well, that was on you.

he wasn’t necessarily mad at you. he was the one to say that were was nothin' wrong with 'getting to know' multiple people at once. he knew what he was getting into when he hit you up for the first time. what really twisted the knife in his back was the fact that out of all the people you could've run to, you chose fuckin’ eren. his friend and his rival all in one, the only person who'd always wanted what was his. it felt like the ultimate betrayal, and honestly, a mockery of everything they'd built together.

maybe that's why his texts were still yet to be read.

well, connie wasn't about to just roll over and let it happen. hell no, that’d kill his ego faster than mushrooms could. he'd come here to drag you away from this colossal mistake and remind you of where you should be, where you belong . .

with him.

by his side. not eren's. never eren's.

so, upon approaching suite 28A, connie removes his chain, wrapping it around the brass of his knuckles. y'know . . just in case. he knew the kind of energy he was coming with, and now the only thing left to do was knock on the door and see what eren was on.

in fact, connie’s idea of a polite knock was driving the front of his timberland boot forcefully against the pristine wooden door, again and again, the crashes echoing loudly down the hallway. he’d probably get eren slapped with a noise complaint or two, but to hell with the neighbors - that was child's play compared to the real matter at hand.

a deafening silence ensued, thick with emotion as connie waited with bottled nerves for any movement from within the apartment. the stillness painfully stretched for a few seconds until faint sounds of quiet shuffling could be heard from the other side. at the subtle signs of eren’s presence just feet away, a rush of adrenaline flooded through connie’s veins, pure fury rising within him like molten lava.

at long last, the door swung open, revealing the man connie had been waiting to converse with for what felt like hours - eren. posed calmly in the doorway, he stood motionless as he effortlessly towered over connie with narrowed eyes glinting ominously in the dim light.

“s' a lil' late for boy's night, no?” eren’s lean frame casually blocked the entrance, one arm propped against the doorframe in a territorial display.

“yo’ phone broken?” connie started, clenching his jaw. “didn’t see my text?”

eren sighed. “i did. i jus’ . . . don't think she wants to be bothered with anymore antics from you tonight.”

connie laughed and shook his head at eren’s immaturity. “look, i’m not doin' the bullshit, bro. just tell her to get her stuff and come on so we can head home and sort our shit out.”

if heading home meant going back to your place so he could kiss your ass and tell you how sorry he was like always, eren was most definitely not having that.

“she good where she at.”

“tuh . . and where's that?”

a small smile tugged at the corner of eren’s mouth as his thoughts meandered to waking up tangled in silk sheets next to your slumbering form just minutes before. your leg casually draped across his lap in easy intimacy, foot grazing his thigh as you shifted.

“doesn’t matter. like i said, she good. don’t worry about it.”

connie showed no intention of backing down, hands clenching into tense fists as he shoved them into his pockets, itching to strike out as his annoyance begged for an outlet.

"you’re actually fuckin' pathetic, eren," he spat out. "real shit. you’ve been plotting for months, years even. waitin' for me to leave her lonely. you must be real delusional if you think my one fuck up is gonna get you some pussy."

oh, the irony.

a muscle in eren’s cheek feinted as he worked his jaw. "watch y'mouth, connie. m' not on that tonight."

connie barked out a cutting laugh. “or what? the fuck are you gonna do, beat me up?”

just on time, connie’s poisonous rant cut off abruptly as both men's heads swiveled in unison toward your soft, familiar voice calling out from the living room.

"rennie? is that you? s' late - who's screamin' like that?" you emerged groggily, rubbing sleep from your eyes. connie’s rage momentarily subsided at the sight of your bare face and the pink headscarf he'd bought you wrapped neatly around your head, a reflexive smile touching his lips.

but then his gaze trailed downward, fully taking in your . . lack of clothing. all you had on was an oversized vintage band tee that hung off the shoulder, the worn fabric barely grazing your thighs. with every step, the shirt rode up further, putting the curve of your ass cheeks on display beneath the cotton.

and eren wasted no time raking his gaze over your figure, eyes darkening before flicking a taunting look at connie.

you stared blearily at the young man framed in the doorway, features scrunched in confusion. “umm, am i still dreamin' or is that connie?"

at the familiarity of his nickname on your lips, connie couldn't help but chuckle. “yeah, s'me babe.” the endearment rolled naturally off his tongue before the gravity of the situation crashed back down. his eyes trailed your body again, throat tightening. “but uh, whatchu doin' over here? went by your place and you weren't there. called, texted, got nothin'.”

you let out a small sigh, turning slightly into eren’s sturdy frame as you felt his reassuring heat envelop you.

“connie, don't be coy,” you said, hoping to quell the confrontation. “there’s no reason to go there with me right now.” no seriously . . you’ve cried enough tonight.

“in that case, maybe we should get you home. get you into somethin' y’know . . . a lil’ warmer. make you feel good for all the trouble i-”

you peered between the two men, brow furrowing as you clung to your last reserves of patience. “i’m okay stayin' here for the night, actually.”

connie just laughed, though there was a brittle edge to it as his gaze raked dismissively over eren’s imposing silence. "c’mon baby, don't be like that. really lettin' him get in your head, huh? he’s jealous, pretty. it’s written all over his face. s' damn shame, too."

eren’s eyes flashed dangerously. "did i not tell you to shut the fuck up?" he bit out, shoulders tensing as he took a threatening step into connie’s space. before things could escalate further, you quickly lifted a halting hand to eren’s chest, feeling the coiled tension in his frame.

"ok, ok, that's enough," you delivered firmly. to connie, you repeated more insistently, “i think you need to leave, 'kay? we're not doin' this shit right now. i have an exam in the mornin' n' this is the last thing i needed from you after today."

connie’s mouth tightened, spots of embarrassed color blooming on his tanned cheeks. the blatant rejection stung, resentment twisting his expression.

"yeah . . you definitely been hangin' around him too much,” he shook his head, tonguing the inside of his cheek as he gave you one final look of annoyance. "call me when you done here. when you ready to stop fuckin' on my friends and you figure out that you miss me."

your heart nearly stopped, his accusatory words making you flinch.

for one, because it was harsh, and for two, because it was fucking true.

and it'd only been a few hours.

"w-what? we didn't -"

he only laughed dryly. "yeah . . okay, yn."

it felt horrible to lie. you knew connie must've felt betrayed seeing you here after the messy way things were handled earlier. it was a terrible look. but hearing it said aloud, in that tone . . . it felt so surreal.

you couldn't describe the whooshing in your stomach, not knowing if you'd been caught or insulted, possibly both. but you couldn't confront it now. connie was already angry, the wounds too raw to meet head-on. you’d only dig yourself a deeper hole.

as if sensing your distress, eren moved closer, bracketing your body protectively before you could say another word. his burning gaze stayed locked on connie, voice dropping an octave. “leave. she told you once and i don't wanna' hear her tell you twice.”

curse him a thousand times over. how could someone still manage to be that sexy while pissed off?

the implicit threat shimmered in the charged air, connie’s hands moving in his pockets, shoulders bunching. but faced with eren’s intensity shielding you, he had no choice but to swallow his bitterness and take it out of the lobby with him.

for now at least. this was far from over.

connie scoffed, taking a breath before calmly letting out a “remember this shit, eren,” and starting the long journey back home. you released a slow exhale as he finally turned on his heel, shoulders slumped in a defeat he hoped he'd masked. he didn't leave without one last burning look your way first - eyes awash with shame and reproach, "cause i know i will."

you forced yourself not to flinch from that stare. it’s not as if you hated connie - not even close. when he wasn't wrapped up in toxic masculinity or his own insecurities, he could actually be sweet and attentive. you’d even shared plenty of good memories over the years prior to evolving romantically.

either way, you were leaving for your trip with him out of the city in just two weeks. which was exactly the amount of time you'd be giving him to get his shit together.

two. fucking. weeks.

with connie disappearing around the corner, you let yourself relax back into the embrace of eren’s home.

the tension from the confrontation still thrummed through him as you tugged him back inside, shoulders bunched and jaw clenched. he looked almost comically fierce, like an aggravated guard dog not quite ready to stand down.

you couldn't help an affectionate giggle at the sight. “eren, he's gone now. you can stop foaming at the mouth.” your teasing voice seemed to penetrate his agitated haze. slowly the fire in his eyes dimmed to a gentle smile as he turned his attention fully back to you.

his gaze trailed your figure almost vulnerably before he stepped closer, long fingers coming up to pinch your cheek with tenderness.

“you good?” he murmured, breath fanning your face. that simple touch made your heart stutter as you fought to appear unfazed.

“yeah . . . i’m fine,” you managed to whisper, cursing internally as your voice wavered. inside your mind churned with a storm of emotion at being this close to him after all this time - nerves and excitement and longing threatening to spill out if you let your guard down.

you cleared your throat. “and um . . thanks for having my back out there. that was a bit . . . too much.”

eren just shrugged, full lips curving crookedly. “m' jus' your bodyguard, remember?”

a fond smile tugged at eren’s mouth as he noted your drowsy, slightly unsteady posture. no doubt you were feeling the pleasurable aftereffects of the thoroughly enjoyable night you spent tangled in passion.

his gaze swept over you with tender concern. “how’re you feelin' for real though? anything hurt right now? saw you limpin’ after we finished up earlier.”

you gave a small shrug, warmth filling your cheeks. “i’m a little sore i guess. my legs kinda feel like jello, and i gotta wake up early tomorrow.”

eren nodded knowingly, trying and failing to contain his self-satisfied grin. clearly, he had thoroughly exhausted you in the best possible way. but still, that protective streak flared up at seeing you so worn out. he moved closer, hand coming to rest gently on your hip. “aww stink, was i too rough with you?” his voice held a mixture of genuine worry and humor beneath the teasing lilt. the last thing he wanted was to truly hurt you in the heat of passion.

but you were quick to shake your head, assuring him, “you’re so annoying . . m’ fine, just grumpy . . n’ sleep deprived.” another yawn cracked your jaw just then as if to emphasize the point.

eren’s attentiveness made warmth bloom in your chest as he swiftly retrieved some tylenol and poured you a chilled mug of juice. he settled beside you, broad palm coming to rest comfortingly on your thigh as those soulful green eyes searched your face.

“yo, i uh . . know this is random but...is there any truth to what connie said? about me bein' too protective? too overbearing?”

you could hear the genuine worry edging eren's question and quickly shook your head. “no, no not at all,” you assured firmly. you knew connie was likely just grasping at straws, trying to get under eren’s skin any way he could in the heat of the moment. but you wouldn't let seeds of self-doubt take root.

covering his hand gently with your own, you met his gaze. “i’d do the same for you. i think s' normal to protect someone you love. especially when connie thinks he gets to jus' barge in here and confront us like a crybaby.” you gave eren’s fingers a grateful squeeze. “don’t pay him any mind, he just doesn't understand our friendship. you handled it really well, eren. i’m proud of you, seriously.”

“thank you.”

a flicker of some indiscernible emotion passed through eren’s eyes at the word 'friend'. even after the passion and raw vulnerability you both exposed tonight, it seemed that term didn't quite encompass all that lay unspoken between you now.

you felt an answering warmth bloom across your own cheeks as the weighty silence expanded, full of possibility and unasked questions. there was an intimacy here that transcended friendship, and you both knew it even if the right labels hovered just out of grasp.

“oh . . and eren?”

“hm?”

ducking your head, you spoke softly, almost like a secret. “you think he'll ever change? honestly?” your words tapered off, but the question hung between you, filling the hushed kitchen with promise.

“for you, i sure hope so.” eren mumbled, slowly giving you time to pull away. he reached to softly squeeze the back of your neck, calloused fingers trailing feather-light strokes down the slender column of your skin. when you leaned into the tender caress, he tilted your chin up, sea-glass eyes searching yours with quiet but firm intensity.

“regardless . . i’ll be here,” he murmured, voice a low rumble. “even if he doesn't want me to be. i always have and i always will.”

“so hold on, you're tellin' me that connie and eren almost fought . . . over you?” your roommate sasha chuckled as she nearly sputtered out her sip of mango boba across the usual sunny corner nook's marble table.

you answered sasha's question with a nod. you'd been laughing at her reactions to breaking the news about what happened back at eren's place since you'd left psych 405 together earlier this morning.

though, for the sake of protecting your peace, you decided to leave out the friends-with-benefits situation. not out of mistrust, but . . . it just wasn't the right time for this to be out in the open yet, or ever at all for that matter.

it had been exactly four days since the connie incident, and in other words, a nonstop four days of him making efforts to reach out. whether it was through subliminal tweets and songs on his story, edible arrangements sent to your door, or sasha having to tell you how many times he asked her to put in a good word, the man just wouldn't let up.

you couldn't lie, the effort was sweet and all, given that's exactly what your relationship had been lacking these past few months. but spending these last few days within eren's vicinity had only seemed to extend this small break from connie in the most pleasant way possible.

late night bubble baths, smoke sessions on the balcony while looking over the noisy city, and two adorably bad attempts at making you breakfast in bed later, you found yourself gushing over eren at random hours of the day. kind of like right now.

“sounds like you and eren have been gettin’ closer, hm?”

“yeah . .” you smiled at the thought of him, tracing the fresh love lines on your palm, the ghost of eren’s lips still lingering there as your mind replayed a bouquet of affection from him on a loop. “connie referred to him as my new bodyguard, says he's too much. but i dunno’, thought it was pretty sweet of him gettin' all protective over me . .”

“are you smilin’ about who i think you're smilin’ about?”

you started to roll your eyes when sasha skipped over to sit beside you in the booth, her fingers pinching your shoulder playfully. “i knew it! i knew you were leaving shit out. i mean, i’ve known this since we were kids. it was always so obvious! oh my god, tell me every detail. when did all this start bubbling up? and why didn't you tell me, you sneaky little slut?”

just before you could become overwhelmed with her questions, you thought back to simpler times. it’s true, she'd always hoped you two had heart eyes for each other. you could blatantly reminisce about the pure excitement on her face when you told her about smooching eren on the cheek after his big game sophomore year. it wasn't anything major at the time, at least to you, especially knowing what a ladies man he was. fuck, he'd probably gotten hundreds of kisses that day. but sasha couldn't sit still. she even went as far as envisioning you both growing old together on a farm with nothing but bunnies, cows, pigs, and one another.

you could only imagine what she'd say if she found out he was practically your sex coach.

“no no, don't start this again, sasha. besides, i’m talking to connie, and even if i did have a small, tiny liking for eren, hypothetically speaking, we've been friends for too long. i don't think he'd be into me in that sort of wa –”

“bitch, fuck connie! be for real. that man has loved you since before even knowing what the definition of it was. why else do you think they stopped getting along after connie asked you out?”

she had a point. anything you wanted, eren was there. anytime you needed him, eren was there. rain or snow, any place, eren was fucking there. it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to come to the conclusion that he might've been somewhat attracted to you. but it also didn't take a lot to know that boys were stupid. they’re always sweet to girls they find appealing, so this was probably just a simple case of being friends with, well, a guy.

“i jus’ - i dunno’, okay? i mean, yeah he's sweet and he makes me . . really happy, but, eren isn't really the settling down type. plus, like i said, we've been through too much and you've seen how these things go in the movies. if it was meant to be it would've happened already.”

sasha pursed her lips. “ ‘not the settling down type’ ? he dated mikasa for 6 years, yn, and that alone is human torture in itself. trust me, he could settle down little ol' you if he really wanted to, which in this case, i believe he does.”

she turned to face you fully, but you stopped her before she could say anything more. “sasha, s’ never gonna’ happen. plus, me and connie are meeting up to talk this out later anyway so . .”

sasha only sipped her drink, eyes moving side to side as she sent you a look you knew way too well. “oh my god, what now? why’re you lookin' at me like that? like i’m lying through my teeth?”

she suddenly let out a loud “hah!” drawing judgmental eyes and distinctive chatter from all around. “you just blew your own cover, missy. inever said you were lying, but now i know you are.”

“jesus, i just don't understand why you actually think eren would ever -” before you could finish your sentence, the familiar rhythm of your buzzing phone shut you right up. you peered down, mindlessly thinking it was probably connie who'd finally found a way around being blocked.

but it wasn't. In fact, sasha put it into words faster than you could. “you better fuckin' answer, bitch,” she said, pointing at you with direction as if scolding a child. because speak of the devil - eren was calling.

“i-i can talk to him later. s'probably jus' him checking up on me . .” the quiet stutter in your voice caught you off guard. how did this man have the power to make you trip over your words without even being in front of you? without even speaking to you? you didn't know, but it was a question you both did and didn't want the answer to.

sasha grinned at you like the cheshire cat, eyes sparkling with mischief and poorly contained glee. “well, it should only take a few seconds then, yeah?”

you shot her a glare, but there was no real heat behind it. your french-tipped finger hovered over the accept button, a strange mix of nerves and excitement swirling in your gut. “guess so,” you muttered.

“put him on speaker!”

you took a deep breath and swiped to answer, bringing the phone between the two of you and turning the volume down to a reasonable level. “hi eren, what's up?”

“hi, yn.” his deep, honey-smooth voice filled your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. it was low and mellow, and you heard the distinct sound of chatter and metal clanking in the background - he must've been called in at the shop today. “i was jus' checkin' in, see how your day's going. know you had some school shit you had to do. feels like forever since i saw you last.”

you laughed softly, shaking your head even though he couldn't see you. “ren, it's been like four hours. we had breakfast together this morning, remember? i spilled coffee on your shirt.”

“ah, think i remember,” he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. “my shirt as in the one you stole. dunno’ how i could forget the sight. looked good on you.” your cheeks heated at the memory, at the way his eyes had darkened as they raked over your bare legs, the hem of his tee barely skimming your thighs.

by now, sasha was making exaggerated kissy faces at you, hands clasped beneath her chin in a pantomime of swooning. you flipped her off, turning slightly in your seat to hide your face.

“i miss you. been thinkin' bout’ you all day.”

you heart did that fluttering thing again, a warm glow spreading throughout your chest. “i . . i miss you too,” you admitted softly, the words slipping out before you could stop them.

there was a beat of charged silence, the weight of unspoken things hanging heavy in the air, yet in no way awkward at all. if anything, you'd almost completely forgotten there were other people in the room.

then eren cleared his throat, his voice dropping an octave. “so, i was wonderin' if you'd like to uh, come with me to this fair they're havin' down in trost tonight?”

a fair? in trost? that was about a three hour drive away, two if you could beat the evening rush of traffic. this was practically a road trip, an activity that felt so important given that's what you'd planned to do with connie in just a few days.

“i know i said this morning that i’d let you breathe, to collect your thoughts. but i wouldn't wanna eat churros and take corny photobooth pictures with anyone other than you.”

sasha quietly gasped, her mouth forming into an 'o' shape while you bit your lip, hesitating. you’ve been so down you’d almost forgotten about the good times - the times when your mom would take you both to the fair, where you and eren would be sick to your stomachs after stepping off the gravitron due to being way too excited to wait for your snacks to digest. there’s just been so much going on lately.

guilt twisted in your gut as you remembered your earlier words to sasha. ‘i’m meeting up with connie later to talk things out.' the words tasted bitter on your tongue now, the prospect of facing your so-called boyfriend after letting eren fuck you senseless now filling you with queasy dread.

because you would do it again. you hated admitting that, even just to yourself, but one thing you could say with confidence is that a man with hip movement like eren was a dangerous thing for a woman like you.

he waited for your response, hope and anticipation lacing his tone. and god, there was nothing you wanted more than to curl up beside him, to lose yourself on a rickety roller coaster and in the solid warmth of his body pressed against yours as you squealed at the predictable drops and turns.

“if you agree to get kitty face paint with me and ride the ferris wheel, then yes,” you said at last, resolving to deal with connie later.

“you got yourself a deal.”

“want me to grab some of those sour gummies you like for the road on my way over? there’s a store near campus.”

“yes please.” eren said, smile evident in his voice. “i think you're my favorite person.”

“yeah yeah, i better be.”

there was no time for eren to respond before he was cut off by the sound of jean's agitated voice. 'yo motherfucker, your break ended two minutes ago. you can giggle and kick your feet later. let’s go.'

both you and sasha tried your best to hush your laughs but it was nearly impossible. “hi jean,” you said in unison, already knowing he was probably rolling his eyes.

“hi ladies. miss y'all too, but cars don't fix themselves.”

“you’re an asshole,” eren grinned before returning his attention right back to you. “duty calls, ma'am. hit me when you're on your way over to mine, yeah?”

you nodded even though he couldn't see you. “stay safe in battle, i’ll see you soon.” an 'i love you' rose to the tip of your tongue, the words burning in your throat like aged whiskey. but you swallowed them back, the time not yet right, the feeling still too raw and fragile to voice.

you ended the call and slowly lowered the phone, staring at the screen until it went dark. when you finally looked up, sasha was grinning at you like she just won the lottery.

“okay so, hear me out . . . the wedding will be in august. i’m thinking cabo, or maybe paris if you're feeling extra romantic. oh - and vodka, lost and lost of vodka.”

you tossed a wadded up napkin at her, rolling your eyes. but you couldn't suppress the giddy smile stretching across your face, the excited butterflies taking flight in your stomach.

“he likes you and i don't wanna’ hear shit else! ‘three hour drive down and back just so i can cheer you up' my ass.”

you laughed and maybe, just maybe, she might've been onto something. and that thought simultaneously thrilled and terrified you, the implications and consequences of taking that leap swirling in your mind for the millionth time.

but then you remembered the way he'd looked at you this morning, eyes soft and full of something that stole the breath from your lungs. the way his thumb lingered on your bottom lip as he wiped whipped cream from it, his touch electric and reverent.

you recalled the safety of his arms, the rightness you felt waking up with your head pillowed on his chest. like coming home after a long, weary journey.

so yeah, maybe you could pretend you weren't terrified . . . at least just for a small while.

the warm evening air enveloped you as you stepped out of your apartment building, the fading sunlight painting the sky in stunning hues of orange and pink. the pure excitement thrumming through your veins was palpable, a giddy anticipation for the night ahead, for the chance to create new memories in a place that held so much nostalgia.

eren waited by his car, leaning against the passenger side door with a smile that was equal parts affectionate and mischievous. he looked effortlessly handsome in his work attire - dark jeans and a long denim button up. he must've wasted no time coming here. after all, he didn't want to have you out too late, knowing you took your sleep seriously. it felt almost criminal, the way your eyes locked onto his pushed up sleeves revealing strong, tanned and tattooed forearms that starred in a few of your recent dreams.

you took a moment to appreciate the view, and surprise surprise, so did eren. why wouldn’t he when you looked this good? he didn’t even know what to focus on — perhaps maybe the oversized boyfriend jeans, slung low on your hips as your pink thong tantalizingly peeks from the waistband. or maybe the way your flawless makeup begged for a closer study, each artful stroke of the brush highlighting your beauty . . and oh, he couldn’t forget about the knitted hello kitty bralette that really added the touch to your whole do. he could die. the snug fabric was just barely supporting the soft swells of your titties — pretty and full, n’ so so suckable too.

you almost think he’s giving you the eye of judgement, but that thought subsides when you notice his tongue run across the skin of his lower lip, hungry for you. it’s not like you hadn't seen eren look at you like that a thousand times before, but something about tonight’s glance felt so different - almost like he wanted to do more than just look.

just then, eren pushed off the car as you approached, his smile widening into a full blown swoon fest. “there she is,” he called, holding out his arms for a hug. “was startin' to think you stood me up, girl.”

you rolled your eyes fondly, stepping into his embrace without hesitation. his arms wrapped around you, solid and warm, the scruff of his still-developing beard tickling your temple as he pulled you close - your bodies swaying from side to side, “as if,” you scoffed, your words muffled against his chest. “you know i’d never miss the chance to kick your ass at ring toss.”

eren’s laugh rumbled through you, the sound wrapping around your heart like a well-worn blanket. “ima’ make you eat those words, watch.”

you pulled back just enough to smirk up at him, one brow arched in challenge. “we’ll see who's eatin' what by the end of the night.”

something flashed in his eyes, dark and heated, gone so quickly you almost thought you imagined it. but then his hands were on your hips, guiding you gently towards the open passenger door.

“fuckin’ minx.” he chuckled. “get in before i change my mind about being seen in public with you.”

you swatted at his chest half heartedly but allowed him to usher you into the car, the plush leather seat enveloping you like an old friend. passenger princess looked good on you.

eren leaned in, his woodsy cologne filling your senses as he reached across your body to grab the seatbelt. his fingers brushed your collarbone as he pulled the strap down, the fleeting contact sending sparks skittering down to your core. you held your breath, hyper aware of his proximity, of the way his eyes seemed to linger on the curve of your neck and the swell of your bottom lip.

there moment stretched, expanded, the air between you growing thick with a tension that felt both familiar and altogether new. you teetered on the edge of something, on the cusp of a sweet precipice, and the anticipation was delicious and terrifying in equal measure.

just as you were about to throw caution to the wind and boldly close the gap between you, a voice cut through the charged silence.

“ahem . .” sasha cleared her throat pointedly, leaning down to poke her head through your open window. “are you two forgetting something?”

you startled, jerking back from eren like you'd been caught by your mother. he blinked, looking at you once more before turning to face sasha ith a rueful grin.

“sasha,” he greeted, his voice slightly rougher than usual. “to what do we owe the pleasure?”

sasha rolled her eyes, her expression caught between exasperation and amusement. “just thought i’d come see my two best friends off on their big date. y'know, make sure casanova here doesn't skimp on the romance.”

you groaned, burying your face in your hands to hide the embarrassment rising to your cheeks. “sasha, for the last time, s'not a -”

“can i chat with you for a sec, eren?” she interrupted, jerking her head towards the rear of the car. “bro to bro, mano a mano?”

eren raised his brows but nodded, shooting you a quick wink and dimpled smile before circling around to meet sasha. you watched them in the rearview mirror, your curiosity piqued by the conspiratorial way their heads bent together. like they were plotting their breakthrough evil plan in a marvel movie.

straining your ears, you managed to catch snatches of their conversation over the low hum of the idling engine.

“. . . spit some game, jaeger, i mean it. this is your one chance to . .”

“y’know how i feel, sash. i jus’ don't wanna’ fuck everything up . .”

“think, it's now or never, man. you got this . .”

their voices faded to an indistinct murmur, drowned out by the sudden pounding of your heart. were they talking about you? about . . liking you?

the thought sent a swarm of butterflies rioting in your stomach, a dizzying mix of hope and nerves and sheer, unbridled want. you’d heard it over the years yeah, but with it being possibly confirmed, to know that you maybe, possibly, felt the same way.

you were pulled from your reverie by the sound of the driver's side door opening, eren sliding into his seat with a smile that was equal parts sheepish and determined. sasha leaned down to your open window one last time, her eyes sparkling with mirth and something softer, almost wistful.

“ah well, you two crazy kids have fun, alright?” she said, her tone light but laced with sincerity. “oh and, eren?”

he looked up, brows raised in question.

sasha’s grin widened, her eyes flicking to you before settling back on him. “remember, you're the edward.”

your eyes snapped to sasha, brow furrowed in confusion. “bitch was that a twilight reference?”

she lifted her slender fingers to her lips, playfully twisting them and muffling a “possibly . .”

with that cryptic parting shot, she straightened up and stepped back from the car, giving you both a jaunty salute. “don’t do anything i wouldn't do! love you guys!” she called, laughter lacing her voice as eren shook his head and shifted the car into drive.

and then you were pulling away from the curb, sasha's figure shrinking in the rearview mirror as the city blurred past in a kaleidoscope of light and color. your heart was racing, your skin humming with anticipation, with the knowledge that tonight, everything could change.

the road stretched out before you, an open invitation, a promise of adventure and possibility. and as eren reached over to take your hand, lacing your fingers together like it was the easiest thing in the world, you knew that whatever happened, wherever this night took you . . .

this wasn't going to end well.

the carnival was a splash of both color and sound, a dizzying assault on the senses. the air was thick with the scent of frying oil and spun sugar, shrieks of laughter and tinny calliope music filling the balmy night. eren watched you take it all in with a soft, indulgent smile, your eyes gone wide and glittering with inquisitive wonder. "aight', where to first, sweet girl?” he asked, bumping your shoulder with his. “wanna' stuff our faces before or after i win you the ugliest, most obnoxious prize on the midway?”

you grinned up at him, looping your arm through his and tugging him into the bustling crowd. "mmm, food first. i can't kick your ass at games on an empty stomach."

"oh, s’ like that, huh?” he arched a brow, smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. "awful big talk knowin’ how bad at those you used to be when we were kids."

"shut the fuck up, eren," you shot back breezily. “jus’ wait till’ i win. i may even be nice. i wont post your L on my story to embarrass you like i was plannin' to.”

"awe, so sweet of you," eren choked out a laugh, something bright and fizzy bubbling up in his chest. god, he'd missed this - the easy back and forth, the playful ribbing. being with you, talking with you — all the time, goofing off like life back at home wasn’t complete shit . . . nothing else even came close.

he let you pull him up to a garishly lit concession stand, elbowing rowdy kids out of the way with an expert nudge here and there. “two cotton candies, please,” you chirped to the bored-looking cashier behind the counter. “one blue, one pink.” eren reached for his wallet but you smacked his hand away, already shoving a few crumpled bills across the sticky surface. “my treat, mr. big-spender. wouldn't want you going broke before you have a chance to win me that giant banana with the dumb face.”

he rolled his eyes fondly as he accepted the enormous swirl of cotton candy, blue as a summer sky. “happy now, princess? m’ puttin’ my foot down on lettin’ you pay for the funnel cake though. a man's gotta retain some dignity.”

you snorted inelegantly, tearing off a huge chunk of pink fluff and stuffing it into your mouth. “bye. you haven't had dignity around me since we were in pull-ups.”

“brat,” eren grumbled, reaching out to pinch your sticky cheek. “watch n’ see if i share my deep-fried oreos with you now.”

but there was no heat to his words, his voice honey-warm with affection. you fit together like this, he mused as you ambled through the crowd, bumping hips and cracking jokes. like two oddly shaped puzzle pieces that shouldn't - couldn’t make sense, but somehow formed a complete picture.

a dangerous thought. one he should really fucking know better than to indulge in this deep in.

shaking off the bittersweet ache, eren focused on the flex of your fingers twined with his, the bounce of your hair as you dragged him towards the midway. the deafening musical dings and whistles, the roar of delighted screams filling the muggy air.

true to your word, you thoroughly trounced him at the ring toss, the squirt gun race, the basketball free-throw. but he just laughed at your victory dance, pretending the warmth in his chest was from healthy competition and not the glow of your pretty face.

he did end up winning you that stupid banana at the ‘test your strength’ game though. it took three tries and way more cash than the damn toy was worth, but the sparkle in your eyes when he presented it to you with a victorian bow - fuck, he'd empty his whole wallet to see you make that face again.

“aw, my hero,” you crowed, hugging the prize to your chest. “how can i ever repay you?”

“hmm.” eren tapped his chin, pretending to think as he slung an arm around your shoulders. “lemme’ get a kiss on the ferris wheel n’ ill call it even.”

you gasped in mock outrage, smacking his chest. “asshole. to think i was gonna’ let you have some of my twinkie . .”

his dirty joke in response was swallowed by a yelp as you commenced beating him over the head with the stuffed banana, both of you dissolving into helpless laughter until your sides ached with it. and christ, it felt good. it felt like coming up for air after spending so long beneath dark, crushing waters. like breaking the surface to feel the sun on your face, filling your greedy lungs with sweet, clean air.

he couldn't remember the last time you'd laughed like that. the last time he'd seen you this close to carefree, eyes bright and cheeks aching from smiling.

not for months. maybe longer.

the thought was a cold shard of sobriety in the giddy warmth of the night, a needle scratch on a perfect track. because even now, even with the salty-sour tang of lemonade on your tongue and powdered sugar dusting your chin . . . he could see the shadow behind your eyes. the tightness at the corners of your mouth, the faraway slope of your gaze when you thought he wasn't looking.

“aight’, question time,” he ventured later as you idled in line for the ferris wheel, the colored lights limning your profile in neon blues and pinks. “you look like you wanna’ start swingin.’”

you huffed a small laugh, but it didn't reach your eyes. “that obvious, huh?”

eren just waited, gaze steady on your face. patient. he knew you, knew every twitch and tell like his own heartbeat. knew you'd crack as long as he gave you enough rope.

you sighed, knocking your head back against the metal railing. your voice was soft, almost lost beneath the squeal and clang of the carnival rides. “i dunno, rennie. guess m’ jus’ . . in my head tonight.”

“in your head bout’ what, mama?” he couldn't resist pushing, even though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer. sure enough -

“connie.” you spoke the name like it pained you, your brows pulling together. “m’ worried. we’ve never fought this bad before . . . s’ weird.”

“and you can’t stop thinkin’ about him, hm?” eren fought to keep his tone neutral, his expression calm. even as jealousy rose up to choke him, a living thing with claws in his throat.

you shrugged listlessly, pulling a loose thread on your cutoffs. “i jus’ feel so stuck, y'know? like no matter how shitty it gets, no matter how much we hurt each other . . i can't make myself let go. it's fucked up.”

“hey, no.” eren took your shoulders in his hands, ducking his head to catch your downcast eyes. “s’ not fucked up to care, yn. not fucked up to wanna’ fix something that matters to you.”

‘ . . . even if it kills me to watch you try,’ he added silently. ‘ . . even if i think you deserve so much goddamn better.’

you looked up at him, eyes glassy and bottom lip caught between your teeth. weighing his words, searching for a trap. for a hint of judgment or agenda. he let you look, let you see the sincerity on his face. let you find whatever reassurance you were seeking in the endless wells of his eyes.

“i’m jus’ so tired,” you whispered after a long moment, voice cracking on the admission like a fist through a pain of glass. “of the fighting, the mind games, the whole fuckin' roller coaster. m’ so confused, eren . .”

eren's throat closed up, a familiar ache kicking behind his ribs. “oh, baby, no” he murmured, the endearment slipping out unchecked. “c'mere.”

you sank into his open arms like your strings had been cut, face pressing into the warm crook of his neck. he cradled you close, one broad palm smoothing up the delicate ridge of your spine as the other fisted in your hair.

“i know, mama,” he rasped into your temple, eyes squeezing shut against the sudden burn of tears. “you're gonna be jus’ fine. because you're the strongest girl i know.”

a small, watery laugh shuddered out of you, your fingers curling into his shirt. “flatterer. you're jus’ sayin’ that cause you have to. best friend code of honor and all that.”

“yeah n’ i’ll keep sayin’ it,” he shot back fiercely, giving you a squeeze. “s’ the code. but m’ also sayin’ it cause it's true. i love you . . i’ll only ever tell you the truth.”

he felt like an asshole saying that. especially with knowing the kinda secrecy he was sitting on.

you huffed wetly, burrowing deeper into his chest. let his steady heartbeat soothe you as you breathed him in, the clean salt and smoke and leather of him.

“thank you,” you mumbled after a long moment, the words muffled against his shirt. “for always bein’ there.”

“always, love.” the vow was low and solemn in the humid night air, tangling with pipe organ music and shrieking laughter. “you never gotta’ thank me for that. taking care of you is part of the gig.”

‘even when it's slowly killing me,’ he didn't say. ‘even when every second i'm with you and not with you is its own special kind of agony.’

“still.” you pulled back to grace him with a wobbly smile, eyes red-rimmed but clearer than they'd been all night. “i couldn't do this life shit without you, ren. make’ me really happy.”

eren swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “yeah?” he meant it to come out wry, a gentle tease. but his voice was far too raw for that, scraped bloody on the glass shards of his heart.

something flickered across your face, there and gone too quick for him to catch. but then the ferris wheel lurched to a stop before you, and a pimply ride attendant was impatiently waving you forward into a rickety gondola.

the moment broken, you flashed eren a quicksilver grin, bumping him with your hip. “enough of the heavy shit. get that ass in there and buy me a ticket to the gun show since you claim you can beat me at that too.”

“ohhhh, so you wanna’ talk shit again?” eren growled playfully, chasing you into the tiny, swinging car with fingers hooked into claws.

you shrieked with laughter, batting at his hands as he dug them into your sides, both of you a tangle of flailing limbs and snorting giggles as the wheel cranked to life. and just like that, the strange tension was broken. shattered like a soap bubble on a summer breeze.

but eren could still feel it as he slung an arm around your shoulders, tucking you into his body as you rose into the starry sky. the bittersweet ache, pulsing in time with his heartbeat. the unspoken words, curdling on his tongue, trapped behind his teeth.

he loved you. he was in love with you. so deeply, so consummately, it defied language. it transcended anything as paltry and mundane as a few paltry words.

and he knew, with a soul-deep certainty, you'd never be his. no matter how much his stupid fucking heart liked to play pretend, you'd never look at him the way he looked at you. never crave his touch, his kiss, his love the way he did yours.

you were in love with someone else. and that . . . that was a hurt that no amount of carny music and fried dough could soothe. a loss he'd spend the rest of his life failing to make peace with.

so he just pulled you closer, staring out at the patchwork quilt of lights and color without really seeing it. let your warm, solid weight against his side, the soft puff of your breath on his throat, sear into his memory. a talisman against lonelier nights to come.

but still, a traitorous voice whispered in the back of his head . . under the harvest moon, with the whole world spread out a glittering carpet below, he felt the phantom brush of your mouth on his. the shape of his name, gasped into shared breath like a revelation.

like an answer to a question it was getting harder and harder not to ask.

later, as he white-knuckled the steering wheel, jaw working around all the words he couldn't say, eren tried to console himself that it was enough. that you needed him, wanted him, even if it was for a lesson or only to make the hurt go away for a while. that you'd even seen him, just for a moment, as someone you could lose yourself in. someone you could want.

but it wasn't enough. it would never be enough.

because now you feel it too.

the drive back to your apartment was quiet, the silence heavy with all the things left unsaid. you could only fiddle with your fingers as eren's hands were gripped white-knuckled on the steering wheel, his jaw clenched as he stared straight ahead. you could practically feel the words radiating off him in waves.

you wanted to reach out to him, to smooth the furrow between his brows with gentle fingertips. wanted to tell him that it was okay, that you felt it too - this terrifying, exhilarating thing building between you.

but you didn't. you couldn't.

so you stayed quiet, letting the low crooning of the weeknd fill the space. the music was soothing, a balm to your turbulent emotions.

you let yourself get lost in it, in the sensual rasp of his voice and the pulsing beat. let yourself pretend, just for a moment, that this was all there was - no complications, no messy feelings, no connie waiting for you. just you and eren and the open road, salt-kissed hair whipping in the night breeze as you chased the endless horizon.

but all too soon, reality intruded as eren took your exit. the familiar streets slipped past your window, each one a reminder of the real life you were returning to. the life you weren't sure you fit into anymore.

eren pulled up outside your apartment building, shifting the car into park. for a moment, you both just sat there, staring out the windshield at the silent sidewalks bathed in shadows. you knew you should say something, should thank him for an amazing night and head inside. should gather your things and slip out of the car, out of this moment that felt too momentous, too full of unspoken possibility.

but you couldn't seem to make yourself move, couldn't force the words past the lump in your throat. because this...this felt like a crossroads, a turning point that you weren't ready to face.

beside you, eren took a deep breath, hands flexing on the steering wheel. when he finally spoke, his voice was low and rough.

"i had a really good time tonight. with you."

you swallowed hard, heart kicking against your ribs. "i did too," you managed, barely above a whisper. "it was . . . it was really sweet of you. to do all this for me."

eren nodded, a small, almost sad smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "i meant what i said - that i'd do anything for you." he turned to look at you then, sea-glass eyes finding yours in the darkness. "i love you. y'know that, right?"

your breath caught, eyes twinkling at the same pace as the butterflies in your tummy at his words, "i love you too, eren."

his gaze searched yours, something raw and aching swimming in those depths. slowly, so slowly, he reached out, fingertips grazing the curve of your cheek. you shivered at the contact, eyes fluttering closed. his touch was feather-light, but it felt like a brand. a claim, “what? why you lookin’ at me like that . . ” he spoke, voice cracking on the last word.

"cause i think you’ve earned yourself a g’night kiss," you say in the same tone, "c’mere, rennie . ."

before you could second guess yourself, before you could talk yourself out of it - and before you could even begin to regret, eren closes the distance between you, his lips finding yours in the darkness of his mustang as if he’d been waiting the entire night to do so — and well, that's cause he had.

the kiss was soft at first, gentle, just a whisper of breath and a brush of skin. but it felt like the world tilting on its axis, like a supernova exploding behind your eyes.

eren made a low, almost wounded sound in the back of his throat. his hand slid into your hair, cradling the back of your skull as he angled your head, deepening the kiss. his tongue swept into your mouth and you opened for him immediately, helplessly, a moan rising in your throat. he tasted like salt and sin and something uniquely eren. you wanted to drown in it, in him. wanted to sink into his heat and never come up for air.

your hands fisted in the front of his shirt, tugging him closer as months, years of silent pent-up longing poured out of you. the center console dug into your hip and your seatbelt was biting into your shoulder but you didn't care, you couldn't, not when eren was kissing you like a man starved.

eventually, the dire need for oxygen forced you apart, chests heaving as you blinked at each other in the charged stillness. eren rested his forehead against yours, his eyes closed, his heart thundering against your palm through the thin cotton of his shirt. "that’s one hell of a way of sayin' g'night, hm?" eren asks, his hands roaming your curves greedily, mapping out the dip of your waist, the flare of your hips, the fat globes of your ass as you climb into his lap. each touch only stoked the inferno building in your veins, your cotton panties growing damp in the middle with evidence of your arousal.

and he must’ve noticed too.

"eren . . i-" you stutter, but he only groans as you begin to grind yourself, hard, against the rigid line of his dick. your nails are still digging into his shoulders, and he’s still moaning as if he’d been punched in the gut until his head falls back against the seat — now he’s looking at you, maybe even looking through you.

"what, baby? what d'you need, hm?" he questions, gently tugging on the waistband of your panties, "c'mon, princess. dont be shy, you can tell me."

you hear those words and begin to think sasha may had been right. maybe it was time to stop overthinking and just . . let yourself feel. let yourself experience. let yourself have this, have him, even if it’s only for a night.

so you do . .

"i wan' it, eren," you breathed, catching his chin and tilting his face back to yours. you held his blown-black gaze, letting him see the resolve there. letting him see how much you wanted this. wanted him. "wan’ you to fuck me again . . please ?"

eren sighs, "we don’t have a condom, my love."

"i don’t really give a fuck about that."

well then, shit. permission granted.

" . . say less."

a thrill danced down your spine at the raw yearning in his voice, the way his hands flexed restlessly against his thighs like it was taking everything in him not to just rip your clothes off himself.

holding his gaze, you slowly peel your bralette to the side - revealing your plumped titties and tossing it carelessly into the backseat. cool air kissed your overheated skin and you shivered, nipples pebbling against the temperature. you almost begin to cross your arms over your chest - shielding yourself out of habit, but eren won’t allow it — "don’t do that. c'mon, mama . . s' nothin' i’ve never seen before." eren’s soft voice fills your ears and the awed hitch in his voice eases any lingering nervousness within you, replacing it with a deep and pulsing want. besides, this far into knowing one another, hiding from him in general just seemed so silly now, pointless.

because how on earth could you ever feel judged when you had someone in front of you who saw you as nothing less than perfection?

this was right.

right?

it felt right.

how could it be anything other than right?

eren's breath caught audibly as you shrugged out of your thoughts, your bare chest rising and falling rapidly under his heated stare. "y-you can touch me," you whispered, half command and half plea. "you don’t have to be gentle anymore . ."

he wasted no time in obeying, big palms coming up to cup the weight of your breasts almost reverently. you sighed at the contact, head lolling back on your shoulders as he kneaded the soft flesh, clever fingers plucking at your nipples until they ached.

"so beautiful," he rasped, thumbs circling the stiff peaks, just enough pressure to make you squirm slightly. "could play wit' 'em for hours, get you all worked up n' desperate jus' from this, huh?" you whined helplessly, arching your back to push further into his touch. "sensitive," you gasped out as he pinched softly, sparks of both pleasure-pain zipping straight to your core. "always so - ah! - so sensitive, i-i dunno why - "

"i know, baby," eren soothed, leaning in to lave over one aching bud with the flat of his tongue. you cried out sharply, hands flying up to sink into his hair. "know everything about you . . know jus' how to touch you, know jus' how to fuck you, know jus' what makes you cum f'me."

he closed his lips around your nipple and sucked hard, just on the right side of too much. and your hips bucked uselessly against him, seeking all of any friction that wasn't there. "wait, wait, wait - eren!"

"shh, don’t fight me," he mumbled around your flesh, rolling the bud between his teeth before releasing it with a wet pop. "gonna' make you feel s'good, love, don't worry." then he was urging you backwards, big, calloused hands gripping your waist to help you shuffle until you were reclined against the passenger side door. you went willingly, eagerly, letting him maneuver you however he wanted. he followed the line of your body, hovering over you propped on one elbow while his other hand skated down your trembling abdomen. and when he reached the waistband of your shorts, he glanced up at you through long lashes, a question you already were familiar with forming in his eyes.

"may i ?"

"yes! yes, yes, hurry," you whimpered, already lifting your hips in silent permission. "p-please - i don’t wanna' beg. don’t m-make me beg . . " a muscle in his jaw ticked, eyes flaring hot as he swiftly popped the button on your jeans and drew down the zipper. his knuckles brushing over your ass as he worked and you keened, already embarrassingly wet for him.

"almost forgot how responsive you are," he praised roughly, dragging your shorts and panties down your legs in one smooth motion. "fuckin' drippin' already, jesus. really missed me that bad?"

"yes," you panted as he tossed your clothes somewhere behind him carelessly, leaving you bare and open to his hungry gaze. "always . . always m-missin' you . . "

"diddo," he promised, shifting to kneel between your parted thighs. "if you hide from me again i’m stoppin' . . got it?"

"y-yes . ."

the urge to ask, ‘yes what?’ almost kills him, but he quickly settles with a wink and a husky, "atta' girl." and then his fingers were on you, parting your slick folds, and coherent thought flew right out the window.

"o-oh," you gasped, hips canting into his touch as he explored your soaked flesh. "oh fuck, yes . ."

eren groans at just how easy his fingers slid into you, walls sucking him in and painting them a pretty white. "aw, baby . . look at that pretty pussy," he rasped, circling your entrance teasingly as creamy sounds start to fill the car. "y'so perfect, fuckin' drenched too - damn . ." you could only moan in response, writhing under his touch as he gathered the slickness at your opening and dragged it up to your aching clit, then quickly smearing it all over your cunt - a few pats from his palm colliding with the sensitive surface. pat pat pat! " . . i stretched you good, didn’t i?" the first pass of his fingers over the swollen nub made you jolt like you'd been electrocuted, a choked cry catching in your throat.

"erenn — y'so m-mean . . stop teasin' me."

"mm, lost your v-card and now you gettin' bratty on me?" eren mused, rubbing slow circles over your clit, just enough pressure to make your toes curl. "yet you the one beggin' to cum on my hand. ain’t that somethin' ?"

"nngh - rennie! f-for realll, i- i can’t! i can’t hold it a-anymore," you managed to rasp, voice thready and thin as his hands worked you over slow and purposeful. "n-not gonna' last, baby, p-please lemme' c-cum . . "

"then do it, m' not stoppin' you," he coaxed, speeding up his fingers. "c'mon, lemme' see. tryna' make me beg for it? hm?" his free hand found your breast again, pinching and tugging at your nipple in time with his ruthless rubbing, the dual sensations hurtling you towards your climax rather fast.

"close! m' close," you whined, back bowing as the tension in your core wound tighter and tighter. "e-eren, m'gonna . . fuuuck, right there!"

"mhm. thas' it," he praised, grinding the heel of his palm against your clit as he pistoned two fingers into your fluttering pussy, curling and dragging them along your insides to complete your, already fucked out, look. "yeah, yn. gimme' all of it. i know you got more." eren continued to work you through it, touch gentling but not letting up, wringing every last aftershock from your quivering body until you collapsed back against the door, boneless and hazy.

"been holdin' that one in, haven’t you," he murmured, withdrawing his fingers slowly, your over-sensitive walls clutching at him greedily as you leave a gooey trail behind you. "don’t think ill ever get tired of seein' that - fuck, n' look at all this . . " he exhales, playing with the remainder of your essence on his fingers before lolling his tongue out of his mouth to lick at them, "leavin' snail trails n' shit. how gross of you. nasty fuck."

you can’t help but laugh once you regain consciousness, swatting at his abdomen all the while unintentionally spreading your legs further apart in a way of politely asking for more, "talkin' shit but you have a cum stain on your pants? bye."

eren’s cheeks go read before his head even whips down near where your finger teasingly points, "mmch . . whatever, bro," he mumbles, looking off to the side as he tries his hardest to fight the dimpled smile on his face.

you then yank on the hem of his shirt, enough to where he's stumbling — hovering over your frame now. and oh, was he so intimidatingly handsome, "hey, i think s' cute. means he likes me."

eren chuckles, "he?" but you don’t laugh. instead, you take the chance to rest your hand on his thigh. you nervously trail your fingertips all the way up until where his zipper begins, doe eyes blinking slowly like a sleepy kitten . .

"yeah . . him," the words come off as a moan the more you stare, cupping his budge in your hand as you begin to rub and tease him through his pants — cause eren wasn’t the only one who could play at that game.

"yn -"

"can i . . can i make you feel good too, rennie?" you ask, nuzzling into the side of his neck. shit, you didn’t really know where the surge of dominance was coming from - but you damn sure weren’t opposed, "lemme' get on top . . please?"

"ion' know about all that."

"mmch - why not? i feel fine, nothin' hurts. why d'you get to be the one to have all the fun . . so annoyin'." your eyes roll, and eren just shakes his head. 'and you, my love, are so stubborn,' he thinks. eren had never been one to turn down the opportunity to be pleasured, but this? were you even ready for that — it’d only been a few days since you lost your virginity. poor dude just didn’t wanna’ hurt you. but now . . the more he thought about it, the only thing he could see is the image of you lowering your ass down on his lap, nails clawing into him as he holds you close in an effort to help you balance.

shit, how can he possibly sit here and tell you no?

so with a deep breath and one last look at your plea, he obliges. llifting abruptly, you squeal when you feel his gentle hands grabbing your hips - "hop in back," he grumbles, and when you do he follows, wasting no time to spin you round' n' press you against the window. with your titties smushed against the glass, you gasp as knees your legs apart, "arch y'back, c'mon. you said you wanted to please me . . let’s go."

"b-but wait, ren i dunno' how to —"

"you'll learn." thick fingers nudge at your thighs, eren taking the time to appreciate the view — and you moan high and needy when you feel his fingers gather some essence from your folds, circling around your clif to warm you up a little bit.

"this all f'me? he murmurs softly in you ear, the rough pad of his fingers painting sticky patterns all over the throbbing flesh, "all this . . jus' cause m' lettin' you be in charge, huh?"

"yes . ." you hiss, grinding back against the hard ridge of him, chasing his touch, "oh p-please, e - s' startin' to hurrt . . . need you."

"gonna' give it to you, baby," he promised darkly, already kneading the fat of your ass in his hands. he wanted to go slow . . he really did, but shit, he just felt so greedy for you, "gonna' make sure you get y'nut off jus' like i do . . ain’t that right?" he says that last part a little quieter — because oh, he needed to talk to her too.

your pussy.

the vice that had you somewhat embarrassed by the sheer amount of wetness pouring from it. it just felt so good — bent over n' spread for him. he knew that. he could tell from the crude curses and raw pleas spilling from your mouth.

"l-lemme' put it in, rennie . ." you shakily ask, and his laugh only makes you wetter.

and just then, he teases . . the front of his pelvis slowly thrusting into your backside - as if he were in you. you writhed impatiently, a lump building in your throat. "o-oh my god," you choked out again. "fuck me, eren. i-i wan' it . . . please?"

"fuck you? thought you wanted to fuck me? now you beggin' like a slut . ." he playfully retorts, and you flinch and keen at the name. slut. slut? hm . . slut. it felt so different, so new, so . . nasty. nasty in the best way — but eren’s completely still. scared, maybe. had he crossed the line? was that too much? too harsh? too weird? who knows . . he hadn’t even noticed the word slip from his mouth until he saw the momentarily stunned look on your face, "o-oh, shit. baby, i didn’t mean that in a bad way - s' jus' some shit i like to say sometimes when i’m really . . into it. m' sorry i —"

"no no, say it again, rennie."

he pauses, lifting his head up from the side of your neck, "w-what? slut? you . . you like that?" he asks, brows scrunched together with a seriousness that you couldn’t help but to giggle over. so with a laugh, you smile, nodding your head as you almost begin to grow fond at the new-found discovery.

"y-yeah, i like that. makes me feel . . i dunno', sexy," you shrug, eren giving giving you one last look — one of consent and . . . dangerous focus.

eren chuckles, "sexy, huh? dont say that jus' cause you wanna' make me feel good." he warns, and there was only a tiny whisper of, 's' okay, i'm sure. i like it, i promise,' left before you look behind you to watch him gently undo his zipper, wiggling out of his pants, then finally his black hannes briefs. then it springs free — his dick. you missed it, the look, the feel. it was so pretty. long, fat, heavy, n' cleanly groomed with an angry red tip that just couldn’t stop leaking even if he tried to make it. and your mouth waters, a newer stream of arousal forming between your legs . .

eren created a monster.

a slut certified, monster.

eren takes your smaller hand in his big one, wrapping it around the thickness of his shaft, "put it in slow . . i don’t wanna' hurt you," you’re taken by surprise when you see him gather saliva in his mouth to spit it where your hands rest together, "stroke it jus' like this a lil' bit," he instructs, moving your hands in a synchronized rhythm before gently removing his grasp and letting you palm it on your own, "mhm, slow . . . up n' down."

"am i doin' it right, eren?" you ask, and he couldn’t have given you a prettier answer.

"y-yeah, baby . . feels s'good, shit." you watch as his gaze his fixed on your motion, and emboldened by the reaction, you decide to experiment by twisting your wrist and running your thumb over the leaking tip. the more you got the hang of it, the confidence entered your body faster than eren could say — " oooh, fuck yeah . . " now bucking his hips involuntarily into your grasp, "ssss' o-okay, okay . . c-chill out, m' not tryna' cum jus' yet, girl."

"that’s what you get for playin' around." you tease, and finally, "now, come on. i wanna' feel you again . . i’ll be good, i'll go slow, n' i'll listen, i promise." and he groans at the desperation in your voice, he loved you so much. god, so so much. it was hurting him. this was hurting him. he knew it would, always had — but that’s just the price he’d have to pay tonight.

"okay . ." he smirks, pushing back any and every logical thought telling him no. telling him that fucking you like this, touching you like this, was only going to dig him deeper, "go ahead . ." you nod, and with a gentle squeeze to your ass, he helps you line himself up with your entrance — the blunt tip of his cock pushing past your stiff ring of muscle.

"a-ah shit, y'so tight," he grunts, staying put as your velvety walls recognize and embrace his length, "relax f'me, angel . . breathe." you do as your told, taking a deep inhale and exhale as you feel him start to push in a little, a bit deeper so that just the tip was sitting within you - splitting you open all over again inch by delicious inch. it burned in the best way possible, your pussy struggling to accommodate to him at this angle.

fuck . . he really was big.

"oh god — e-eren, that f-feels . . different," your voice almost sounds like you’re on the verge of tears as you begin to wiggle your hips a bit to adjust better, your pussy clenching like there was literally no tomorrow, "i-i . . s' so deep already, fuck . ."

eren looks down at you, a look of slight concern washing over him, "s' jus' the tip, mama . . is it too deep? wan' me to take some out?" but that leaves him the minute he watches your eyes roll to the back of your head. oh, it was a good kind of deep, "or . . you wan' some more?" he coos.

"mhm! m-more," you’re happy. so happy that you’re too giddy to wait on him to give it to you. flushed, you slowly move your hips back and forth, taking more - gasping as his dick finally kisses your cervix with each motion. "r-rennie," you cry, picking up the pace as you begin to throw yourself back on his dick - the obscene sound of skin slapping and the churn of your cunt filling the thick air of the car.

the action catches eren by surprise, a choked moan rumbling deep in his chest, "oh fuck — thas' it, princess," he praises, "y-yeah . . . bounce that shit. there you go." as a reward, eren captures your lips with his own, licking into your mouth as he grips both sides of your waist.

lost in pleasure, there’s nothing that you can really do but moan brokenly, bracing your palms against the now foggy window because . . you just couldn’t take it. the more you dragged yourself up and down his dick, the more your walls pulse around him, the more your stomach tightens . . the more you begin to grow closer to your high.

"ren-rennie . . fuck me back," you whine, and he obliged with ease. his hips move, and he starts with slow thrusts meeting you halfway. he watches you, transfixed, your tits bouncing with each roll of your hips. unable to resist, he captures the tip of your ear into his mouth, sucking on the skin and twisting it between his teeth in a pleasurable yet painful bite, "oh my god — right there! right there, eren, oh shiiit," you gasp, head lolled back onto his shoulder, drooling, as he delivers nothing but the deepest strokes he could.

"yes. take that dick . . you f-fuckin' slut." you can feel his potency, his dominance starting to really fade into view, "take. it. all." the snap of his hips was brutal, and from then on, the gentle dynamic between you shifts, and you find yourself reveling in the authority. submitting.

submitting to him.

"nnn — s' so good . . m' y-your slut, only your s-slut, only f'you," you slur, drunk from pure pleasure. eren groans at the praise, his rhythm faltering for a moment before resuming his punishing pace with renewed vigor.

"y'like bein' nasty, huh? like h-havin' me split this pussy open on my dick? i know m' gonna' make you cum soon. i feel it, mama — grippin' me like you never wanna' let me go."

it’s true. the grip you had on him was crucial, crucial enough for you to believe that eren had completely ruined you, "n-never," you reply to his words, "wan' you i-inside me always," oh great, and you’re babbling now too. so far gone you couldn’t even censor yourself, your thoughts, your want.

eren's gaze locks onto your pleading one, feeling the urgency in your voice. the way you were moaning for him as his hands glided possessively over your form, memorizing each and every contour and curve as if it were the first time all over again. "you’re a f-fuckin' masterpiece," he breathes out softly, overwhelmed by the thought of really, truly, making you his. "cum for me, angel," he urges, voice strained with the effort of holding back his own release, "p-please cum for me . ."

those exact words push you over the edge, and you cum with a silent scream, your walls clamping down, wave after wave of intense pleasure crashing over you — stealing the breath right from your lungs and making your pretty, french tipped toes curl. and through the haze of your climax, you feel him too, thrusts now erratic.

"get there, rennie . ." you encourage dizzily, "cum in m-me. now. please - let me h-have it . . i been s'good." in you? like in you, in you? girl are you crazy?

well, the answer was yes.

and he was crazier.

wrapping huge hands around the front of your neck - pulling you back on his dick to use you like a fucktoy, he brought your foreheads together as he began to piston into you, powerful hips driving his body in a relentless, deep-dicking rhythm. "never." he emphasized each word with a brutal thrust and grind. "gonna'. want. anyone. like. i. want. you."

you could only wail in response, still clinging on to the solidity of the door as he picked you apart with brutal efficiency. your pussy was gushing constantly now, cream squelching out to paint the both of your thighs with each hammering impact of his pelvis on yours. that molten coil in your core pulled taut as a bowstring, quivering on the very edge of snapping.

eren didn’t have time to protest. he was too far gone, so much so that if he weren’t — the next words leaving his mouth would’ve never seen the light of day. not in a billion years. "f-fuck! fuck, baby m' cummin', m' cummin' f'you - fuuuuck yes! hngh - i lov-love you, i love you so fuckin' much, yn . ." his words trail off, and with one last guttural moan, he slams a final time before stilling, his cock throbbing as he spills his cum deep in the depths of your womb.

but you’re still for other reasons. reasons like . . the phrase that just escaped from his mouth. what did he say, love? eren . . loved you? like, really loved you? no, you must’ve misheard him. you must’ve been so out of it that the ‘lust’ section in your brain had you dreaming cause . . that wasn’t a part of the plan.

it was never a part of the plan.

"w-wait, what did you just say?" you whisper, your heart pounding in your ears as the weight of eren's words sink in. the hazy afterglow of your passionate encounter evaporates in almost an instant, replaced by a cold, creeping dread.

eren blinks at you, his expression a mix of both confusion and uncertainty. "i uh . . i said that . . i love you," he repeats, reaching out to cup your cheek with a trembling hand. "cause i do . . love you, yn."

you jerk away from his touch as if burned, causing him to flinch. you then scramble away from his grasp, hurriedly grabbing for your discarded clothes with shaking hands. "no," you cut him off, your voice high and thin with panic. "no, no, no . . you don't get to say that to me. not now, not like this, not ever."

eren sits up, pulling his boxers up on his waist as he watches you yank on your underwear and top with jerky, uncoordinated movements. "yo - wait yn, hol' up," he pleads, his voice rough with . . something similar to grief. he was losing you, he knew he was, "hey, c'mon. shit — please, can we jus' talk about this?"

"there's nothin' to talk about, eren," you snap, refusing to meet his gaze as you fumble with the buttons of your jeans. your skin feels too tight, your lungs constricted, like you can't get enough air. "this was supposed to be just sex, remember? you were supposed to be teaching me, helping me learn . . this wasn’t what we agreed on."

"fuck what we agreed on, yn. i can’t control how i feel about you," eren counters, frustration bleeding into his tone. he rakes a hand through his tousled hair, jaw clenched tight. "is it really that fuckin' crazy to think that i like you - that i love you?"

you flinch at his words, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. "yes," you whisper, hating the way your voice cracks. "yes, it is crazy, eren. i'm with connie. i love connie, and he loves me. what we've been doing . . . it was never supposed to be anything more than physical."

eren stares at you for a long moment, something like heartbreak flashing in his eyes before he looks away. "sounds more like you tryna' convince yourself that thats jus' what it was, to me," he says hollowly, a muscle ticking in his jaw. "but, of course. how could i forget? i was just a fuck, right?" guilt churns in your stomach, sharp and acidic. you never meant to hurt eren, hell no. you never wanted your friendship to get so complicated, but in your desperation to be a somewhat ‘better girlfriend’ to connie, to figure out how to satisfy him, to please him, you'd let things go too far.

"that’s not fair," you whispered, eyes over-bright. "i never had that intention. y'know damn well that i care about you — the both of you!"

"do i?" he snapped before he could stop himself. "cause from where m' sitting, it looks a whole lot like you jus' got done fuckin' me n' havin' the best nut of your life, only to go runnin' back to your dickhead boyfriend the second shit gets real."

your mouth fell open, shocked anger and betrayal twisting your features. "y'know what, fuck you, eren! you don't get to judge me, not about this! you knew what this was, you knew i had unfinished business —"

"unfinished business?" he croaked out a laugh, eyes stinging and throat gone tight. "is that what we callin' it now? silly me, i thought maybe, just maybe, you were ready to cut the cord on that bitch ass loser tonight. guess you had other ideas the whole goddamn time."

tears were welling in your eyes now and it killed him, ripped at his fucking heart to see you hurting because of him. but he couldn't stop, the hurt and rage and crushing disappointment was just pouring out of him like blood from a wound.

"the trip," he bit out, fighting to keep his voice steady. "you still plannin' on goin' with him?"

you looked away, fingers twisting together in your lap. "well now i don't fuckin' know. maybe i will."

maybe. that single word cracked through eren's chest like a gunshot, shattering the fragile hope that had been kindling there all night. fuck, but he'd really thought . . . after what you'd just shared, the soul-deep connection, he'd really let himself believe you would choose him. would finally see how it was always supposed to be him.

but no. yet again, connie came first. your history, your obligation to the familiar . . . it won out over everything. over him.

over what could've been.

"maybe, huh?" he scoffs, and just as he’s about to try and say something else, something that could persuade you to maybe think twice, the thought leaves as quickly as it arrives.

because your phone is ringing.

and when you don’t even take a chance to hesitate to fish it out, eren catches a glimpse of the caller ID, his stomach plummeting to his toes. connie. of fucking course.

he watched, something bitter and ugly unfurling in his gut, as you bit your lip and accepted the call with a shaky, "h-hey, what's up?" angling yourself away from him as connie's gruff voice emanated from the speaker, mouth set in a tight line. eren couldn't really make out what was being said, but from the stricken look on your face and the way you were suddenly scrambling for the rest of your belongings . . he could only take a wild fuckin' guess.

you were leaving him, again.

eren made a low, disgusted sound, but you couldn't look at him. couldn't bear to see the betrayal that would undoubtedly be painted across his face.

connie's voice filled your ear once more, slightly tinny but painfully familiar. "hey babe. jus' wanted to y’know. . check in, see what you were up to. we didn’t really get to text much earlier while you were in class so . . ."

you closed your eyes, guilt and confusion and residual longing warring in your gut. "yeah. i mean, s' fine. i'm . . i'm okay."

"yeah? that's good." a pause, heavy with unspoken thoughts. "i miss you. been thinkin' bout' you all night."

another cry threatened to bubble out of your throat. if only he knew what you'd been doing mere minutes ago. who you'd been doing.

"i miss you too," you heard yourself say, the words automatic. empty.

beside you, eren sighs. when you chanced a glance at him, his face was a mask of bitter resignation. as if he'd expected this — cause deep down, he knew he had.

"you still comin' over?" connie asked, oblivious to the turmoil roiling in your chest. "to talk things out, remember . . i jus' — this shit been heavy on my mind, y'know?"

your stomach bottomed out, panic and indecision clawing at your throat. this was it. the moment of truth. you could tell him no, could go back, choose eren and the sweetly blooming possibility he represented. could finally break the chains of habit that kept you tethered to a love that had long since soured.

or you could do what you always did. could fall back into the familiarity of connie's arms, his promises, his inevitably recycled bullshit. could put off the terrifying unknown of a real future for the dubious comfort of a shitty past.

in the end, cowardice won out. you were too weak, too scared, to seize your own happiness with both hands. not when the alternative was so ingrained, so automatic.

you hated yourself even as the words spilled from numb lips.

"okay. yeah, we can . . we can still talk. jus' gimmie' a few minutes to um, get ready."

you hang up, and you felt more than broken when you see eren go stiff, a full body reaction like your words had finally killed him. but you could only watch helplessly as he slowly withdrew from you, his warm hand and steadiness receding like the tide in the waves you saw earlier at the pier.

he was already reaching for the door handle on your side, already putting distance between your bodies as if he couldn't stand to be near you a second longer.

"get out," he said flatly, his voice devoid of inflection. cold in a way you'd never heard him direct toward you before.

"what," you whispered brokenly, your heart shattering behind your ribs. "we aren’t done with this conversa -"

"i said get the fuck out!" he roared, frustratedly slamming a palm against the steering wheel. "go run back to your sorry ass excuse of a boyfriend, yn. go let him break your heart for the millionth goddamn time when you go on that trip. jus' don't expect me to be here to pick up the pieces when he does."

tears were flowing freely down your face now, each word out of his mouth a barbed blade in your chest. "you don’t mean that. n-not at all. please, can we just-"

"no. no more talkin'. no more fuckin' excuses, man." his eyes finally met yours and the anguish there, the rage and sorrow, stole the breath from your lungs. "i'm done. i'm so fuckin' done being your backup plan, your shoulder to cry on when shit goes south. i can't — i won't do it anymore."

"eren," you choked out, but he just shook his head.

"go," he gritted from between clenched teeth. "go and don't look back because i can promise you this, i won't be here waitin' when you realize what a stupid fuckin' mistake you've made."

it’s quiet, so quiet you feel like the only thing you can say is . .

"i hate you. i absolutely fuckin' hate you."

"diddo."

a sob wrenched from your throat but you fumbled for the door anyway, spilling out onto the sidewalk on quaking legs. the apology, the desperate plea, withered and died on your tongue as he peeled away from the curb with a screech of rubber, not sparing you a second glance.

you watched his taillights disappear around the corner, feeling like your still-beating heart had just been carved right from your chest. like you'd been disposed, scraped clean and left raw and aching.

with wooden limbs, you made your way up the walk and fumbled with your keys, barely seeing through the veil of tears and lash clusters that even a 'two week hold' glue couldn’t save. somehow you managed to let yourself into the dark apartment, nothing but the dim light of sasha's favorite sit-com rolling in the background.

"hey babes," she groggily says, rising from the couch with a yawn, "fell asleep waitin' on your ass — woah, are you . . are you crying?"

only once the door closed behind you did you let yourself crumple next to her, heaving sobs wracking your frame as you fall into her embrace, "honey, oh my goodness . . what happened?" you cried like you were bleeding out, like you'd just lost the most important thing you'd never even really had.

you didn't know how long you laid there, cheek pressed to sasha's chest, tears and snot and self-recrimination soaking into her pajamas.

long enough for the moon to track slowly across the sky, silver and uncaring.

long enough for the sun to come up, sasha sleeping — but your eyes still so open.

long enough to realize that you’d done it.

you’d actually lost him.

©️ SATORUBI - please do not copy, translate, or modify my work without my approval ! thank you for playing . . the challenge has only just begun.

#🎀 — www.satorubiwrites #AGGHHHHHHHHHHYH #i’m nervous bye i’m leavin #please rn #eren yaeger x reader #eren yaeger smut #eren x you #eren x fem!reader #eren x black fem #eren x black reader #snk smut #snk eren #banner inspired by the lovely @/kithsune 🤍

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chaconnehoonie · 3 days

Text

Wet- L.HS

☼ Lee Heeseung x Fem Reader

Synopsis- As temperatures rise, so does Heeseung’s dick.

WC: 4k+

Warnings: smut, one(1) food play-ish scene, water gun fight, cursing, nothing too extreme it’s just pwp

Smut warnings: Verbal and physical teasing, kissing, oral(f), unprotected sex, creampies, voyeurism and they (kinda) get caught, pool/outdoor sex

This is fiction and the scenarios are completely fake and from my brain, none of the characters are accurate in real life, MDNI!

A/N: This was originally supposed to be written for Sunghoon but I can’t get over that picture of Heeseung so I changed my mind. Enjoy!

You’re so hot

The summer sun warms the exposed areas of skin, but your water soaked shirt keeps you cool in the one hundred degree weather. God damn the sun and its harsh rays—cursing the land with heat waves and rising temperatures that force you and your friends to find ways to cool off.

Heeseung can’t help but stare.

Even as he feels a stream of water hit the back of his head, he can’t keep his eyes off of you. Especially when Jake takes aim and pulls the trigger of his water gun to shoot straight at the center of your chest. God bless the sun.

“Alright, pervert! You got me.” You run a hand through your wet hair, laughing to yourself as you make your way towards your friends and knock water guns with Sunoo as a small celebration.

Jake shoots you one last time, whining about how unfair you play. “Seriously, how did you even get back there? I swear I checked thrice! I want to switch teams!” You poke the muscle of bicep that’s outlined by his own soaking wet shirt, teasing him for his terrible skills at his own game.

“Maybe you should’ve checked better.” With a click of your tongue you prance towards the pool, placing a palm upon the hot pavement to determine the heat. Heeseung watches as you stand up and pull your shirt off of yourself, back arching and neck rolling back as you peel the sticking fabric off of your body to reveal your bikini.

He admires the way you swiftly throw your shirt to the side, grabbing your beach towel and placing it next to the pool to sit on. Plopping yourself onto it, you dip your freshly painted toes into the water and splash them around.

“Why don’t you just ask her out?” Jay startles Heeseung from his trance, snapping his head to see the younger is now the only person standing next to him, a quirked eyebrow following his question. “I can’t.”

Heeseung replies simply, turning back just in time to notice Sunghoon handing you a small ice cream cone. He’s unable to focus for long as his attention is caught by Sunoo loudly laughing from the pool, where Jake is swimming around with an open mouth, begging Sunghoon to at least attempt to throw his own cone into his mouth from where he stands next to you.

“I don’t think Sunghoon would like that.” Heeseung sighs, shaking his head and deciding his own fate is to watch you from afar. To admire you from a distance.

But Jay wouldn’t let that happen. He doesn’t call himself “Heeseung’s number one wing man” for no reason, which is why he encourages his friend to go after you. Even if Sunghoon seems to be the only guy in your field of vision.

Of course, you’re just friends. At least that’s what you both claim. Heeseung doesn’t believe it though, in fact, he believes you two have been keeping it on the low. He’s created a whole fantasy relationship between his two friends— a fantasy that he isn’t a part of.

“Your first problem is not Sunghoon.” Jay brings up the topic once they’ve made their way into the cool house, alone. “The problem is you thinking there’s something going on between them.” Heeseung scoffs, taking a beer from Jay then turning his head to look at you through the window.

Your ice cream cone is melting in the hot sun, creamy liquid running through your fingers and down your forearm and Heeseung shivers. He’s always known he has a strong imagination, but with the visual stimulation right there; the suggestively colored desert leaving trails of itself down your arm, he can only imagine how his is own cream would adorn your body.

“Are you even listening?” Jay smacks his friend’s head, snapping him out of his scandalous fantasy. “You need to make a move. And I promise you Sunghoon won’t care. Sure, he’s a little protective but he’s your best friend too—he knows what’s best for both of you.”

Heeseung only pays attention to the first half of Jay’s rant, falling back into a trance as you finally lick a long stripe up your forearm, swapping your ice cream cone to the other hand to suck on your messy fingers. He only looks away when Sunghoon grabs your wrist and forces your fingers further down your throat and you gag for a second, then bring your ice cream and spit covered hand to the back of Sunghoon’s head, pushing him into the pool with Jake and Sunoo.

“You’re so right.” Heeseung’s voice is barely audible to Jay. “What-”before Jay can even question him, the older is patting him on the back and muttering a quick thanks you’re the best and rushing outside. Jay stands there for a second, sighs, then quickly entertains himself with an unopened bottle of vodka. He’ll pay Sunghoon back later.

You move your attention from the pool to the house just in time to see Heeseung sitting down next to you. You note that he looks nervous, maybe even shy, but you don’t say anything to humiliate him. Yet.

“Hi, Hee. What’s up?” You chirp out before bringing what’s left of your ice cream to your lips, licking a sensual stripe along the side. You don’t break eye contact with Heeseung as you twist the cone between your fingers, coating the entire expanse with your tongue.

Heeseung gulps, adam’s apple bobbing as he watches a drop of melted cream land on your chest, then can’t help but follow it with his eyes as it glides down your skin over your right breast, then between your breasts, and finally landing somewhere in the covered area of your bikini top.

As if he wasn’t just ogling your body, he looks back up to see you staring at him in amusement, and finally answers your question. “Nothing.”

You nod, smirking to yourself and quickly glancing towards all four of your friends now in the pool. “Nothing, huh?” You repeat and he nods eagerly.

“So what about that?” Your gaze drops to his lap, and only then does he realize how hard he’s gotten over this short interaction. “That seems pretty up to me.” You tease, letting out a giggle before abruptly standing up and stretching out the hand currently holding your ice cream.

Heeseung grabs the cone, confused but so love-struck that he’s barely processing anything at the moment. You push his hand closer to his mouth, watching as drops land onto the crotch of his swim trunks and he once again follows your gaze.

Grabbing his cheek with one hand and pushing the ice cream past his lips with the other, you smile widely at him. “Finish for me, yeah?”

.☼.

If yesterday really happened, then Heeseung is in a slight dilemma. After arriving home last night, he did finish for you. At least, he hopes that’s what you meant by finish. Perhaps you really did mean the yummy treat but he knows you. He knows your double meanings and your teasing jokes.

But this makes his situation all the worse. To anyone else, these interactions would have confirmed your requited feelings for Heeseung, but it’s you. You’re so confusing.

With the way you’re so teasing with everyone, and the way you show affection in questionable manners. Even the way you openly treat all and any of your friends as if they’re your boyfriend.

Heeseung remembers when Sunoo complimented the scent of your lip gloss, so in return you kissed him for a solid five seconds, stating that you “just wanted him to taste it”. Yeah, sure.

Or the time Jake wanted you to clean up his eyebrows for him, which resulted in you sitting in his lap for fifteen stiff minutes applying your entire skin care routine on him.

Whatever you have going on in your head, it confuses Heeseung. Which is why he decided he’s finally going to man up and ask you on a date at your daily pool hang out.

At least, he’s going to try to. Hopefully if you’re not wearing his favorite red bikini. Hopefully if you somehow magically forgot the events of yesterday. Hopefully if he just grows some balls and lets his feelings free for the first time in years. Probably not.

.☼.

It’s safe to say, you did not forget the events of yesterday, you’re definitely wearing Heeseung’s favorite red bikini, and he has not at all grown any balls to even make eye contact with you yet.

He’s been here for an hour. One whole agonizing hour of watching you climb onto Jake’s shoulders and wrestle Sunghoon who is on Sunoo’s shoulders. Thankfully, Sunoo has thighs of steel and is able to keep Sunghoon steady while you push and pull all in an attempt to knock him over.

Heeseung’s jaw clenches and his eyes don’t leave your hands— your hands that are currently touching up every part of Sunghoon’s body. He contemplates leaving now and skipping out on the guy’s night he and his friends hold biweekly.

Your fingers grip Sunghoon’s biceps before making their way to his chest, nails scratching their way down his ridged stomach, letting out frustrated groans as you poke and poke at Sunghoon’s body.

Oh, how Heeseung wishes it was his body you were touching. He can’t take it anymore, standing up quickly and pushing his lawn chair back, where it hits the floor with a loud crash before making his way into the house just like he did yesterday.

The crash distracts you and Sunghoon takes this as an advantage as he swiftly loosens your harsh grip on Jake’s shoulders and pushes you down into the water.

From outside of the pool, Jay sighs to himself before following Heeseung back inside, finding him snooping through Sunghoon’s home bar.

“She’s not going to fuck you if you’re not sober, you know.” Heeseung jumps at the sound of Jay’s voice, almost dropping one of the expensive bottles of alcohol.

He shrugs and continues snooping. “Who said anything about fucking?” His reply is nonchalant but his best friend can see right through his act. “Your eyes say everything I need to know.” Jay laughs to himself but Heeseung doesn’t find it funny.

“Whatever. She’s not into me like that anyways.” Heeseung speaks like he’s trying to convince himself, but Jay can hear the hopeful tone in his voice. “Trust me. She was eye fucking you earlier when you weren’t looking.”

Jay barely gets the sentence out before Heeseung is visibly perking up. “Really?!” His face is bright and his eyes are glossy and wide. “Relax, man. Don’t pop a boner in front of me.” Jay teases his friend and Heeseung rolls his eyes in embarrassment, because he definitely would grow stiff at just the mention of your name.

Jay heads back towards the sliding door but turns back to Heeseung before he opens it. “By the way, Hoon invited her to stay the night with us also.” He smiles to himself before continuing his sentence. “So please try to keep it down if you do happen to make it past first base.” With that, he makes his way back to the pool and leaves Heeseung with a heavy problem in his swim trunks.

.☼.

Heeseung opens his eyes to the sound of obnoxious snoring echoing throughout Sunghoon’s living room. He’s not sure how long he’s been asleep but by the looks of it, everyone else seems to have knocked out by now too. Closing his eyes, he decides to try to fall back asleep. Until he’s startled awake-

“Heeseung.”

Shooting his eyes back open, he sits up from his place on the couch and looks around the dark room. With his eyes adjusting to the lack of light, he can only barely make out your figure kneeling next to him on the floor. “What the fuck are you doing?” He whispers a little too loudly and you stand up, a palm covering his mouth swiftly as you take place onto the couch next to him.

Heeseung is a big man, meaning he already takes up most of the space, leaving you only a small sliver of cushion to sit on. So, you climb up onto his lap to get comfortable— because of course you would. Stiffening up from under you, he makes eye contact with you the best he can with the dim lighting, only the moonlight peeking through the curtains.

“I couldn’t sleep.” You whisper, slowly taking your hand off of his mouth and trailing it down his chest and stomach, finally resting it at his side. Your thumb swipes comfortably there, almost as if you’re reassuring him, letting him know that this is real. “And I’m bored.” You lean in closer to him, your hand now coming up to his chest and pushing him to lay flat underneath you, his head landing softly on the armrest of the couch.

He gulps, big doe eyes looking up at you almost innocently. But you know that’s not the case. You’ve seen the way he watches you when he thinks you’re not looking. Seeing him drool over you is one thing but seeing him think he’s being slick with it? It, makes you way more aroused than you’d like to admit.

However, it’s taken too long for him to act on his desires, so you decide to do it for him. “Wanna help me?” Your voice is sultry and low, and Heeseung’s tummy feels warm as it stirs with excitement when he nods. Leaning down slowly, you stop as soon as the tip of your nose brushes Heeseung’s. Nodding your head slightly, you rub your nose against his almost domestically, before leaning in and lightly pressing your lips to his.

The kiss doesn’t last long, as you’re quick to pull away and smile. But Heeseung isn’t pleased yet, instead cupping the back of your head with his hand and pulling your face back towards his. Your lips smash together almost painfully, but you’re distracted quickly as his tongue immediately pushes its way into your mouth. It’s warm and wet, strong as it glides against yours in a teasing manner.

You catch his bottom lip between yours, sucking on it for a second before biting it softly and pulling away, watching as it bounces back now glossy and red. Heeseung expects more, but to his surprise, you just jump off of his lap and quietly walk to the door that leads outside.

Looking back, you watch his silhouette as he runs a hand through his hair and sits up again. You turn back to unlock the door, already taking your shirt off to expose your bare torso before turning to him one last time. “You coming?”

.☼.

If anyone had told Heeseung two days ago that he would be not only skinny dipping at 2am with you—but shoving his tongue down your throat as well, he wouldn’t believe it.

But, lo and behold, he currently has your back pressed to the edge of the pool with your legs wrapped around his naked waist, lips locked and swollen.

It all happened in a rush, between you stripping to nothing in front of him to him following your lead and ending up intertwined, he suddenly finds himself in a dream-like state.

Was this really happening? The girl he’s been craving for years is finally giving him a chance? Heeseung feels like happiest man on earth right now, and judging by the little moans you let out every now and then, he thinks you may feel the same.

“Heeseung.” You practically whimper as he drags his lips to your neck, nipping and sucking at your warm skin. His lips kiss down your chest softly, landing on one of your hard nipples. He pecks it so so softly, almost afraid of hurting you, but you want it to hurt. Grabbing the back of his head and pushing your chest forward, you encourage him to take your nipple into his mouth and he easily gets the hint.

He’s barely done anything and you’re already shaking in his arms, gripping his biceps and throwing your head back with a loud moan. “Heeseung- I need you to fuck me.”

He stops immediately, then slowly detaches his mouth from your nipple and looks up at you. “Yeah? Want me to fuck this pretty pussy?” He thrusts his hips up, his movements slowed by the water but his cock still manages to brush against your folds. You bite your lip, nodding your head eagerly and Heeseung smiles. “Let me get a taste of it first.”

Without waiting for your response, he lifts you up and places you at the edge of the pool, your pussy sat deliciously in front of where he keeps himself afloat.

He almost drools, noting the way he can still see your slick drip out of you despite your whole body being drenched in pool water. Heeseung wastes no time, wrapping his arms around your thighs and pulling you closer so his tongue can lap at your slit.

The pleasure sends a shock through your body, your back arching almost painfully and your hips push themselves harder against Heeseung’s face. He’s forced so close into your cunt that you can feel each feature—his nose stimulating your clit as his tongue teases your entrance and his plush lips sucking almost obnoxiously all while his chin is already slippery with your arousal.

“Ah-fuck!” He’s only been at it for a few minutes yet you’re already so close. But this isn’t want you want. No, as much as you want to release all over his pretty nose, you didn’t seduce him just to finish so quickly. So, you use all of your strength to pull him off of you and scoot away. “Need you to fuck me, now.”

That’s all it takes for Heeseung to lift himself out of the pool, pick you up, and then throw you on the nearest lounging chair. Thank fuck for Heeseung convincing Sunghoon to buy these at the start of the summer. Otherwise he may have opted for fucking you on the itchy grass.

Grabbing his face, you pull him down, kissing him with a sloppy force while you grow more impatient by the second. “How do you want it?” He’s so polite as he asks, but just the idea of him caring about your pleasure is so arousing. You turn around, placing your cheek on the cushion of the pool lounger and wiggling your ass to taunt him.

It works, of course, and Heeseung takes his place behind you. He slaps his thick girth on the crevice of your ass, feeling the heat between your bodies mix with the humid summer night air. “Hurry, please.” You whine but he just shushes you, dropping his cock to gather your slick on his tip.

You’re tired of waiting, pushing yourself back only slightly to feel him enter you just an inch. “Oh, God.” You gasp, caught off guard by the stretch of just the head. He fights the urge to fully push himself in, instead gently sliding in more, your walls clenching tighter and tighter as each inch stretches you out, a tingling feeling fluttering in your stomach.

He fully bottoms out, standing still with his hands on your hips for a second, before somehow pushing even deeper. You squeak, brows furrowing as you try to ignore the pain of the threatening size currently stuffing you full. You open your eyes, looking back to see his bottom lip caught between his teeth and his eyes shut.

You reach your hand back and tap his own hand, letting him know he can finally move. He nods, leaning forward a bit to hover his body closer to yours. “I’m going to make you feel so good.” You smile at him for a second, but it’s quickly replaced by an open mouthed moan as he pulls back a few inches, then slams himself back in.

Building up a steady pace, he thrusts a few times before finally letting out his first moan. And God, was it beautiful. “Yes-yes let me hear you, baby.” Your voice is weak as his thrusts push your whole body against the chair, your breath unsteady and shaky with each meet of your hips.

It feels amazing, but you can’t help but feel that Heeseung is trying to be gentle with you, which you don’t want. Pushing yourself back again, you meet his thrusts with quiet hmph hmph hmph noises that catch his attention. “You need more? Yeah? My cock isn’t enough for you, needy baby?” He coos at you but you know he’s still holding back. “Please, Heeseung. More.” Your fragile voice ignites something in him, and you’re suddenly being picked up by your hair.

Heeseung grabs your wrists and pins them to the top of the lounger, romantically intertwining his fingers between yours before aggressively snapping his hips against your ass. You let out an almost-too-loud moan, but it only fuels Heeseung more. Your bodies are close and he can’t pull back fully, so instead he fucks into you at a fast, almost blinding pace.

He watches your ass jiggle as it meets his pelvis, the bouncing fat sending him to an almost trance like state. The only thing that snaps him out of it is your whiny voice. “Harder, Heeseung, harder!” He pulls out fully, not giving you time to process his actions as he sits down on the lounger and pulls you on top of him, slipping his cock back into your heat easily.

Thrusting up once, twice, then a third time, he watches your thighs tremble as you try to hold yourself up for him. He finds it cute, how you’ve teased him for so long only to end up too cock drunk to even ride him. He wraps his arms around your body, pulling you flat against him so you’re chest to chest with your face in his neck.

He slowly drags his cock out of you, then fully shoves it in, a loud squelching noise following. “So fucking wet. So fucking noisy.” He grits his teeth, clenching his jaw as he fucks up into your cunt in an almost inhumane pace. “Ah ah ah, shit! I’m cumming, Heeseung!”

Your warning barely falls from your lips as you clench impossibly tight around him, body stiffening for a second until your toes curl and you feel the knot in your stomach releasing with a tingling sensation spreading throughout your entire body, which then goes limp against Heeseung’s.

This encourages him to thrust harder, chasing his own release that he can already sense creeping up on him. His fingers dig into your ass, nails leaving indents as his hips don’t slow down. The sound of your release mixing with the slapping of his balls on your ass is all too much, and he finally lets himself go.

“Gonna cum in you, baby. Gonna cum so fucking deep-fuck!” He bites down on your shoulder as he cums, hips stilled and cock stuffed so deep inside of you, you’re sure you’ll end up pregnant even on birth control.

He slowly lowers his hips, caressing your back soothingly as if he’s apologizing for his harsh treatment before. “Was that okay? Did I hurt you?” He cups your cheeks to look into your eyes, only to meet your fucked out expression and lazy smile. “That was the best I’ve ever had.”

That was enough to almost have Heeseung stiffening up again, if not for the sound of the sliding door opening and Jay’s pissed off voice. “Brought you guys some towels.” He walks out with a hand covering his eyes and the other holding out two beach towels, which he throws on the floor carelessly, then walks back to the door. “I told you to keep it down if you got past first base.”

#enhypen smut #heeseung smut #lee heeseung smut #enhypen x female reader

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katszumi · 3 days

Note

Studying with bakugo is almost NEVER studying with bakugo. The mf can yell at you to pay attention all he wants but a few seconds of it and you’re already back to yapping about the latest drama. Drawing little doodles on your paper (and a few on his) while you tell him about how kuroiro finally confessed to Komori from class 1b, and although he doesn’t like to admit it he’s paying more attention to your yapping then his studying. (Your the only person who can do that)

i hope i did your ask justice😔 this is the first one i’ve done, but thank you sm for requesting. and gosh, i love silly highschool romance sm REQUEST MORE PLS

sorta linked to this but can def be read as a standalone

“did you hear about kuroiro’s confession today?” you asked. you were laid on bakugou’s room floor, your notebook wide open with a few math equations along with a dozen of doodles.

you just asked him another silly question, one of the countless ones that you’ve already made in a hour.

bakugou already knew that you were a sociable person from the way you find a new person to talk to everyday, but he didn’t expect you to be this talkative.

truth be told, you’ve talked more than you have actually studied. which was the main reason why you had come to his room at nearly eight o’clock at night, close to his bedtime.

he only accepted the late study session was because the other reason for you to come was so he could speak with you privately. this was the best way he could do it secretly without being found out.

bakugou looked up from his textbook, directly at you. “no. not that i even care about that stuff anyway.”

your chin rested in the palm of your hand, silently drumming your fingers against your cheek.

“it’s hilarious though, cmon!” you pleaded with a small smile on your face.

“we’re supposed to be studying, y/n. did you forget that you didn’t exactly ace that test?” he rhetorically asked.

you pursed your lips together in a thin line, looking away from bakugou and back onto your textbook. you were dumb enough to even think you could gossip with bakugou.

he offered to help you study, not to bond more as friends clearly.

you picked up your pencil and began to write the equation that was written in the hardbook next to you.

hearing that there was no response from you, bakugou internally began to slightly panic. it was never like you to just shut up so easily. he couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that he came off too rude.

it’s not that he didn’t want to hear you speak, he just didn’t want to make his crush on you so obvious. he was trying so hard to be his normal self which was much harder towards you than he thought.

bakugou placed his textbook down, leaning back into the palm of his hands behind him. “what did that extra do?”

almost immediately, you released the pencil that was in your hand and made eye contact with the ruby eyed male in front of you. a smile tugged on your lips, one that bakugou couldn’t help but think was so fuckin’ cute.

“he made her a bouquet of mushrooms, because you know, her whole mushroom quirk thing. he tried to give it to her discreetly but someone walked past and made it a whole big deal.” you described. “honestly, i feel bad cause i think they’re both kinda shy. they probably didn’t want that attention.”

bakugou unknowingly listened to every word of yours, feeling himself being drawn into you. what was it about your voice that made it so compelling for him?

if it were anyone else like stupid shitty hair or raccoon eyes, he’d shut it down immediately, not caring about a single word they had to say about it.

but, he found it a little more difficult than usual to refuse when it came to you.

he snickered. “public confession? what a romcom move of him.”

you looked back down, noticing bakugou’s blank paper. out of boredom, you grasped onto his notebook. you started to doodle on the small square in the upper left corner; a couple of hearts, stars, dots to make it less bland.

“i think it was sweet. it’s hard to confess already, but to do it in front of an audience? takes guts honestly.”

bakugou watched you draw on his paper. he felt a little jump in his heart, some part of him liking the fact that you took initiative to add your own touch to something of his.

something so stupid. so small. but he couldn’t help but feel a tad giddy.

bakugou sat upright, gulping nothing but his own saliva. “is that something you would like?”

at first, bakugou curses at himself. why would he ask something like that? something that could definitely give away his small crush on you. but he remained his same stone-cold look.

you looked up at bakugou, noticing his eyes softening slightly before returning to their original position.

you thought about it long before responding. “nah. don’t think that’s something i’d really prefer. i’d like a simple confession with just the two of us.” you described.

it seemed a little weird to you that you were casually speaking of your own relationship preference with bakugou, but you tried your hardest not to think too much about it.

you assumed he was only trying to make small talk.

“good.” again, with bakugou’s one worded response. even though he didn’t add more to his sentence, his eyes lingered with yours. as if he was deciding something or carefully analyzing you. but it was a different look. not a competitive, angry look. but rather a tender look. one you have never seen bakugou wear, ever.

suddenly, he looked away, back onto his textbook. you seemingly didn’t mind considering the small tingle you were receiving in your face.

bakugou looked over his shoulder, begging to anyone even the gods above to remove the deep-set blush that was occurring on his face.

the male cleared his throat. “alright, let’s fuckin’ study. gossipin’ and yappin’ won’t help you get a better damn test score.” he chose the defensive route to move on.

you silently agreed with a nod. but, your mind goes back to the thought that you successfully just gossiped with the katsuki bakugou. the one that’s listed to only care about being the number one hero.

you bit the inside of your cheek to hide a smile as you tapped your pencil against your notebook.

just now, a kaleidoscope of butterflies slipped through the cracks of your stone wall, entering your stomach, and began to harvest a life within that had bakugou’s name branded on it.

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midnight-soulless-system · 1 day

Text

Being disabled and a person of color is so different to being disabled and white. There's so much extra stigma and prejudice and just shit that us PoC have to go through with doctors and friends and just the world to get what we need and want.

Idk, I just don't see a lot of posts talking about what it's like being a person of color and disabled (especially when you're more dependent upon others) so, feel free to share you stories.

#Black and disabled #disabled vent #ig #soulless speaks #I'm really pissed today can you tell?#cripple punk #cpunk #actually disabled #physically disabled #mentally disabled

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arlertwhore · 1 day

Text

pairing: paige bueckers x fem! “sneaky link” reader.

synopsis: paige & you find a new hookup spot: your parents' house. what else do you find? that the chemistry never left after all - you just have to get paige in the right space - literally. warning(s): smut, strap 😬, paige eats it from da back, dirty talk / fluffy pretty much, degrading, choking, idk bro this is from memory i didn't read it so 🤷‍♀️ find out yourself word count: 4.1k (SHESSH) Author Note: the anticipated part 6 that took forever to write because of terrible writers' block. the creative spark just isn't there for this series anymore, so this alone will serve as the conclusion to the series, however — i do have a draft i'll release that can be regarded as a part 7. thanks tons for all the support on something i played around with and got hooked on! love u all sm ☺️❣️

Being at the family home of the girl Paige was casually involved with wasn't exactly how she pictured the UCONN long weekend off going. She and the team had planned a series of fun activities, and although your invitation completely disrupted those plans, she couldn't say no. "Hello? I… Team's awake, I'm in the washroom, be quick."

You chuckle softly. "So I guess that means now isn't a good time to tell you you're coming back home with me this weekend?" Paige sees her reflection and watches her resolve surface, anticipating that you're going to try to escalate things back into what they shouldn't be, breaking down the walls she has up.

She scoffs. "Y/N, you know we can't do that." "I won, Paige, fair and square. You said 'anything', you promised!" you insist, taking advantage of the fact that as a competitor, she'll honor her word. "Yeah, but don't you think it's a little bit intense for me to meet your family? I mean, I just don't want to overstep any boundaries," she stammers, uncertain. You glare at your phone, staring at the wavering voicebox of Paige. "You realize I'm doing this for you, right? How I always am? And because it's too hot to keep banging you in your car?" you say firmly. Finding new spots for clandestine rendezvous was proving increasingly challenging. At least with the constant change of locations, sneaking around, and adventure, you could pretend to yourself that you were going on the first date you knew Paige would never officially give you. And if she wasn't going to give you that first date, the least you could ask for was a comfortable bed. But you knew her, you knew her rules, and the only thing you had left was that victory over her head on the club Friday, so you wanted to use it.

It falls silent on her end. Paige doesn't want to talk about your sacrifices for this.

For you and her. For her. You want to tell Paige how it affects you to be nothing but a secret to her, especially now that she's afraid of her team's disapproval and seemingly everyone else's, meanwhile, you bust your ass, comply, and accommodate everything that being her confidante requires, but for the sake of your own feelings, you know you can't. She will leave you. She'd made that clear from the beginning. Paige's commitment issues and seemingly inability to have genuine emotions for a girl are frustrating, especially given her actions toward you. Perhaps back then, before she forgave your sins against her strict rules, took your virginity, and got to know you far beyond casual, you didn't care. But now, you knew her well enough to trust her around your family and you couldn't risk losing the only person in the world who just seemed to get you. None of your 'close' friends, who didn't care for a thing to do with you, deserved to be the one you chose. Even if she sometimes treated you like you were nothing, you knew the only person for you was her. And plus, your parents were nice people. She didn't have to worry about judgment like she always did — I mean for crying out loud they raised you, nerdy, quiet, and a loner up until this point of your life. Male or female, they'd be proud to see something good with the person they put out into the world.

"This isn't... meeting your family isn't 'anything,'" Paige countered, hushing after hearing footsteps pass the washroom door. "And plus, we have shit planned for this weekend. What do I tell th—" Team. You roll your eyes. The team left, the team right, the team all around. You cut her off. "You're visiting your Grandma."

And again, you win. Still, Paige sighs. "This isn't exactly fair for you to just spring on me, y'know? I've been so hyped for the plans this weekend and you just... you ruined them!" You can hear she's serious, her tone half angry yet delivered with a lightheartedness that doesn't ease the blow of her words. All you did was invite her to come home with you, supposedly 'ruining' her plans. You retort, "Ruining? Jeez, thanks, Paige." "Yeah!" she refutes, still trying to whisper. You giggle, then mutter provocatively, "Should've eaten my pussy better, loser," knowing it'll halt her momentum. You gloat, "Gosh, how do you fail at something as easy as that? Something you've been doing since you were 16!" The banter continues. "You'll change your mind on that soon," she predicts.

You chuckle confidently. "We'll see about that, peanut butter. Bags packed, 10 am sharp. Don't keep me waiting, loser," making your point clear.

You end the call with Paige and smirk to yourself, feeling a mix of anticipation and defiance. You can't believe how much of a rebel you've become, just as Paige can't—once so pristine when she first met you, she's corrupted you to the point of using your parents' place as a sneaky link spot. But with you guys left rendered optionless, Paige's next move was to fabricate a story about picking up her clothes if their shared app alerted her location. However, the plan was soiled with the early arrival of your new roommate, a freshman named Maggie, and you had no choice but to evacuate Connecticut altogether, returning to your place in the city just over; calmer, more serene, and familiar. You quickly text your parents: "Bringing a friend," before rushing off to pack. You'll try to keep them out of your hair as much as possible. It's only a 4-day stay, and they're both very schedule-oriented people, so you anticipate that you and Paige will have the house to yourselves mostly. Just as you're about to finish packing, you recall the strap and text Paige again, sending a picture of you holding it with the caption, "Bring??" She ignores your question about the strap and instead frets like she did the day you first showed it to her, as if she has a big performance the next day. She texts you back:

"Should I dress girly? Do I bring a gift? Are you sure they're okay with us?" She's overwhelmed with uncertainty, unsure of how to navigate this new territory, but you don't give her any tips because Paige needs to figure it out herself. You know it's how she's always rolled, relying on herself. You ignore her and continue, "Sooo, strap on or not? I'd love to try it out on you finally.☺️"

"Now especially no," she shoots back. Then she follows up, cryptically, "You're not the only one with surprises. Trust me. We won't need it." At that remark, you hop into bed eagerly and await sleep, yearning for the day to arrive faster. You stop thinking obsessively about why she won't let you use it on her, and it's the last thing on your mind before you doze off. At 9 AM, you're awake, welcoming your new roommate Maggie, and by 10, you're out and at Paige's dorm. She's waiting outside, readied. She doesn't know how to not dress like a tomboy, so she's awkwardly masculine, but now in pink, and the sight throws you off guard. You thought she'd figure her shit out better than that, and you laugh as you film her, to use it as blackmail in case she ever leaks the many pictures and videos she has of you (which you know she won't). When she climbs into the car after stowing her bag in the backseat, she grabs your wrists and uses her strong grip to hold them in one hand as she deletes the videos, uttering, "Think you're funny, huh, ma?" "No... I think you are," you chuckle, and Paige pushes you away playfully by the forehead. You tease her relentlessly, the amusement of your time with her just beginning and already infectious. She rolls her eyes, shaking her head at your immaturity with a shy smile on her face. "I can't believe I agreed to this," she grumbles and you echo the words from last night, chortling, "You had no choice, remember, Paige Puckers?" a play on words at how she drunkenly, clumsily, and messily explored a tactic that, while it did get you off eventually, was hard to get the hang of at first. She smirks and you see the challenge in her eyes. "I'll make you eat those words, ma, just watch." As you guys veer off, Paige takes control of the music and begins shedding layers until she's left in just the pink flannel, a sports bra, and basketball shorts, feeling overheated. She's so absorbed in the music that when you arrive, she doesn't notice she's partially undressed until the door swings open to your parents, and she quickly tugs the flannel over her body tighter. She watches with a smile as you hug your mother warmly, while Paige stands back, observing. "And you must be the friend she spoke of!" your father extends his hand for a shake, and Paige reciprocates, resisting the urge to give him a fist bump, as that's all she knows. "Paige," she replies calmly, "It's nice to meet you, sir. And Ma'am," she nods to your mother afterward, who smiles before stepping aside. "Well, come on in, girls, this heat is stifling." You all sit down with a cold pitcher of iced tea after bringing your bags up to your room. As you settle at the kitchen island, your parents strike up a friendly conversation with Paige across from you.

You start to regret the whole situation when your mom and Paige hit it off too well, and your mom embarrasses you. "Y'know, it's about time I met a friend of hers, Paige. You're the first; she's never really had any," your mom remarks, and you feel yourself blush. "Mom!" you interject, embarrassed.

"No, no, let her. You've been teasing me all day, you deserve it," Paige chimes in with a chuckle, playfully slapping her knee. "So, I hear Paige plays basketball, Y/N. Seeing as she's never really been the athlete type, you know, more of a bookworm? How did you two meet?" she inquires. You grow hotter, not good for the warm weather. You can't tell your Mom & Dad that: "Hey Mom, I got hammered at a party for the first time, drunkenly approached Paige's friends, and ranted to them about how I would marry her, then made out with her in the bathroom before proceeding to let her fuck me within an inch of my life the following weekend." You were still their little, strange, friendless, and focused girl. "Things just clicked," Paige answers, PG'ing and summarizing the story. "She was just... looking like the life of the party, and I thought she looked fun, so I wanted to get to know her." "Did you find out that looks are deceiving?" your mom asks again, and Paige is genuinely and seriously laughing—not the "haha parent way," but actual laughter. When even your father chimes in and says, "I bet she forces you to practice Telekinesis and stuff like that, huh?" is when you truly decide you won't tolerate the bullying. "Cytokinesis, Dad," you correct as you get up. "And I study developmental biology now. That Bio for children." And besides, you didn't want Paige to get too close to them anyway—just close enough to exist in their house unbothered.

We're gonna go pick you girls up some dinner!" said your mom cheerfully. "We'd love you to join us."

Paige begins to say yes, but you interject, "Actually, we're gonna have a nap. The ride was exhausting." She doesn't budge, so enthralled with your parents that she isn't catching on until you have to gently pull her out of her chair, trailing off with her as she calls back to your mom who had asked, "Paige, what do you like?"

"Y'alls sense of humor!" she chuckles, because Paige just gets her (they enjoy teasing you together).

"Okay, girls, don't nap too hard!" jokes your dad, and before the door can even close, you're kissing Paige deeply in the upstairs corridor, trying to make her forget everything she'd been told. Napping is the last thing you'll be doing. Her hand comes to your chest, attempting to push you away, but you're resilient and hold her with determination as you back her into the doorframe of your bedroom. "Since when were you such a scaredy pants?" you tease as you strip off your clothes, not bothering to lock the door. "We've been walking around in public everywhere these days, and inside is when you get nervous?" Within seconds, before Paige even shuts the bedroom door behind her, you're naked against her, pressing your tits against hers firmly as you shower her with a barrage of kisses. "Gonna make me eat my words still?" you challenge her. Paige slowly realizes you weren't joking about just wanting a comfortable place to have sex with her, and that it was the primary purpose of her visit. She still can't shift gears because she'd been with your parents just a moment ago, and now you're in this intimate moment. So you help her.

"Because it looks like I'm making you eat yours." you smirk at her teasingly. Before you know it, you've pumped the gas so hard she has you turned over on all fours on the bed, back arched invitingly. She wastes no time with you, and despite your usual verbosity, the way you yield to her the moment her tongue delves into your cunt is undeniable. You press back into her face, enveloping her between your thighs and asscheeks, and Paige thinks if she's going to go, she wouldn't have it any other way. You whimper softly in pleasure, squirming as you press against her warm tongue, and Paige chuckles, the vibrations from the deep shrill causing you to jolt forward, feeling the hum pulsate through your pussy hauntingly. "Aw, shit, Paige, you get me so wet," you moan desperately, "You make me so crazy, fuck." The thrill of the moment is evident in her eyes, wide with desire as she gazes at you from above her. You look back at her below you, eyes lidded and mouth parted in an 'o', and you look pornographic. It's sick, really, to think how just moments ago she was conversing with your parents, and now, here she was, tounge enamored filthily in your cunt, savoring every drop of arousal from your desperate dripping hole. "Your pussy tastes so good," Paige murmured, her lips puckering as she spoke before gently nibbling at your clit, swirling her tongue around the pearl in a circular motion, which you absentmindedly replicate with your finger as you gripped the sheets, groaning deeply. Maybe after all, you did like the plump of her lips encasing you as her tongue worked at your clit fervently, making soft wet noises. "Shut up, Paige," you said, "You're gonna-I'll cu-" you're too prideful to say it could EVER happen that early, and just continue to grind your hips against her pretty face, not bothering to ask how she's holding up. Judging by the way she slurps at your clit voraciously, her tongue eagerly scrambling from the front to the back of your cunt, clit to entrance, laving through it hungrily each stroke of the muscle and eliciting the nastiest and most repulsive sounds you've ever heard, yet somehow the sexiest, you have reason to believe she's doing just fine. And you tell her how fine she's doing through a broken, fucked out, and breathless assurance of, "Y'so good, P," biting your lip as you whine your hips languidly, whispering, "Keep going, please." She pulls back, struggling to find her breath. "You're a fucking—" she gasps for air, "You're a slut." The way she says it leaves you aching for more devaluing words, because when Paige utters them, it sends you into a frenzy unlike anything else. In the haze of it, you plead, "Shit, just fuck me, I... fingers, I need them." She rises from her knees. "Say it," she demanded, smacking your ass, and meeting your gaze. "Tell me what you are." You don't have a chance to answer before she presses you down hard, into the mattress, and you gasp at the intense pressure, feeling your cheeks flush impossibly hotter. "A slut," you strainedly admit, the pressure on your back knocking the wind out of you. The words, though so sexily demeaning, are true at the moment.

She's pummeling you in your childhood bedroom and has the audacity to demand sharply, "Louder!" as she presses you down, causing the ache in the first place. You fight for breath, complicitly declaring, "A slut, Paige, mmph!"

You should've known you were in for a ride the moment Paige fell silent. Arms pinned behind your back in between her palms, you squirm at the feel of something much thicker than her fingers rimming against your cunt, and you can't see it, so you start to panic. You can only feel it. It's so large you fear it might break you, and before you can say anything, Paige has eased the tip inside you with a dazed sigh. Your head crooks back to watch her face as she sinks her cock into you, and it makes her heart jump because it's a little too intimate and it reminds her of the first time ever. Still, she doesn't attempt to break it. It's sexy to both of you and it's not often that it happens. She's typically invested in gazing at your body or your lips, or just has her eyes closed, but the look in her eye as she leans forward is intense, and the one in yours gets Paige wetter at the mere sight. She's so satisfied by how you have no choice but to yield and take it, take her - until your body involuntarily starts to falter, punctured by the weight of it pulling you down from inside your body. "So...fuckin'....sexy," she moaned, her free hand gripping your hips and reigning them back as her own pressed forward simultaneously, fucking you thoroughly. She repeats the act, pulling you back and pushing forward until she thrusts particularly hard, and gasps herself. It's genuine, and you're unsure how to react to hearing her moan so sincerely. You simply nod approvingly. "I love how you sound when you fuck me, P," you encourage her, to which she replies, "I love how it feels when I fuck you, baby," "Then don't stop," you cry as you rock forward, slots of arousal pulsating from your core and coating her strap in opaque white. "I'd never want you to." It's insane how when she releases your wrists and manages to sink into you fully, she begins using your body like a toy, ruthlessly owning your cunt with grunts of satisfaction each time your ass claps against her, your skin clapping together. "Such a tight little pussy, God," she praises, watching the sight of your cunt expanding and then resetting with how thick she is, struggling to not get wrecked. With how this strap is made, when you come back against her, she feels every sensation, each thrust pushing the double-ended dildo deeper inside of her as it slides in and out, quicker when you fuck her back. So she might be using you like a fleshlight for the tip to rub the walls of her G-spot, but you can't blame her. She's doing all the work. You lie there helpless and overwhelmed with pleasure as she hammers into you from behind, pulling you back by your hair to meet her gaze, so you can see her and the way she wrecks you proudly. "Fuck yourself on it, angel, please," she pleaded, and it's sweeter than the sinful look she's giving you. Experimentally, you push back hard, meeting her strokes, and she whimpers directly in front of your face, a high-pitched, desperate sound that emerges from deep within her body. "Please," she begged again, "You're gonna make me cum, aw fuck, baby," Your eyes roll back into your head. At the tempo you set for yourself to feel good and the one Paige sets for you to make HER feel good by throwing it back on her, essentially for you, you feel your climax on the horizon. "I want it, Paige, cum with me," you plead. "Yeah?" she grunts, her voice gritty. "You want P's cum? Think you deserve it?"

"I-I do." "Then fuck it out of me," she commands, hands tightening around your waist and pulling your back flush against her chest, essentially hugging you as you rut against her, crying out her name with each movement.

She grips your tit in one hand, squeezing gently and pulling, "Go, baby, yeah.. just like that, make me cum," and though she's trying to steady it, you hear how her voice cracks a couple of times. It sounds so sexy and it gets so raw that it gets to the point where you're actually throwing it back, popping your hips and whining it so quickly Paige can't even help you move faster for both of you. She can't catch your ass as it bounces so vigorously, the visual mesmerizing as she watches. "Don't stop, ma," You're trembling, toes curling uncontrollably as you whine and whimper and grind against her. "I'm close!" you gasp, and just as Paige speeds up, the front door opens downstairs, and her hand flies up to your neck, silencing you, her other hand muffling your sounds. You reach your climax with no air left in you as footsteps approach up the stairs, and you shout into a pillow. Paige is quick enough to press your face into said pillow by this point and finish both of you off, her body pressed against yours as she huffs into your ear. You swear you hear her say it, even if she'll try to deny it later. "You're mine, fuck," as she cums, panting. You lay there, Paige on-top of you, flush against your body, limp.

And for a moment, the world stills, your hearing muffles, but you can still hear your Dad knocking carefully. "Still asleep girls?" he asks. Paige nods, smiling. "Yeah! If it's okay, we're gonna head for a walk before dinner. Y/N needs to wake up!" She's right — you're so overwhelmed that you find yourself outside, dressed, sitting on a bench in your neighborhood park. Yet Paige is still clinging to you for reasons you can't quite grasp.

The gentle, refreshing breeze envelops you both, the park empty and serene. Lost in each other's embrace, you finally pull away, the words tumbling out: "That felt like the first time, kind of."

Perhaps it had considering the two of you finally got to do something more sexually exciting in behest of maneuvering sex in her car.

Paige's response helps it all make sense. "I know." She might be swept up in the moment, but you don't protest. If it feels good, it does, and you eagerly pull her back in as she grips your sore ass, moving you over her lap to straddle her, kneading it. "I bought you...my strap as a gift because I wanted to thank you for, you know, how good of a...link you are," she says affectionately. You gaze deeply into her eyes, refusing to let her look away as you study her face.

She's so serious and so stupid for choosing to get in her feelings while at your parents' house for the week - with you. "What?" she asks intently, eyes tracing over your face as she searches for your reaction. "Is that-... Are you okay?" When you don't answer, lost in the post-coital haze, smiling softly, she murmurs, "So pretty." She doesn't even try to hide she's in the ropes of it too, but while out of the haze, she doesn't think there's ever been a moment when she's seen you look as beautiful as you do when you're in this blissful state.

"Paige?" you whisper, head buried in the curve of her neck as she moves to gently stroke your back soothingly. "Yeah?"

"Do you feel this too?" The question is extremely raw, earnest, and vulnerable, but under the spell of the moment, it sounds like magic to her ears. "Yeah, I... yeah."

"Have you felt it before?" you inquire softly, searching her eyes. "Besides the first time? Because I... I have. I do."

She holds you tighter, placing you back into the crook of her neck, and you suppose she's ducking from letting you see her when you feel her nod. "You're gonna get me in trouble, y'know. You always do."

You smile softly, kissing her soft skin. Little does she know, you already have. MASTERLIST

AUTHOR NOTE #2: this ending i think can cap off the series perfectly because it's left up to the interpretation of the reader. i mean, lmk if i should release the pt 7 draft when i start releasing drafts anyway! lmk anything on your mind I LOVEE you anons / moots / ppl who message me / ppl who reply to my posts, ur all the funniest ppl ever! - ana.

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moonstruckme · 3 days

Note

Haloooo!!! I wanted to request something but I jus wanna say how much i adore your workkksss😭 not to shade other writers but youre probably my fave out of them, theres just something about your writings thats so comforting and I love it!! Can I request a academic rival trope for Remus and reader??🥹 Im excited to read it!! Thank you!!🫶

I'm so glad you enjoy them my love!! Thank you for requesting <3

cw: mention of skipping meals (never fear it is remedied)

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

Remus is the only other person in the library. You’ve been hopelessly aware of him since he’d sat down four tables away from you an hour ago, and you’re positive he’s being distracting on purpose, because no one really eats chocolate like that.

It’s abominable and should be punishable by death, honestly, the way he’s getting brown smudges all over the pages of his book. He’ll pop a chocolate in his mouth, let it get all melty in there, then slowly suck the remnants off each of his fingers, the movement distracted and tantalizing. Brow furrowed and eyes sharp, he looks entirely absorbed by his studies.

You wish you could say the same.

You’ve read the same page four times now, and the information keeps bouncing off your brain like someone’s put an invisible shield around it. Your eyes burn slightly, your back aches from too long spent in this wooden chair, but you need to know this stuff by tomorrow. Somehow, you need to make yourself retain it.

“Do you mind?”

You stop tapping the end of your pencil on the table, looking over at Remus. Your eyes narrow on instinct.

“Do you?”

He raises a brow. “I’m not doing anything.”

“Yes, you are. You keep smacking your lips, it’s irritating.” It’s not, really, it’s…it’s something else. It’s not conducive to a distraction-free study environment, that’s what it is. “Are you even allowed to have those in here?”

Remus sighs heavily. “Alright.”

Before you can figure out what he means by that, he’s pushing back his chair, walking over to join you at your table. He holds your gaze as he sits down and then pushes his chocolates towards you, seemingly expectant.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re clearly jealous. Go on, have a few.”

“I am not jealous.” You glare at him, arms folding over your book. It’s a habit, to hide the answers from him, but when you notice his gaze drop to the protective motion you feel silly. “And I’m not eating those. You’ve been licking your fingers and reaching in there, it’s gross.”

“Oh.” Remus retreats slightly, cheeks pinkening. “I didn’t realize I was, sorry.”

It’s gratifying to see him embarrassed. He’s the shyest of his group of friends (which is to say, he won’t automatically go and talk the ear off anyone within ten yards of him), but he goes about his day with their same unshakeable confidence, earned by social status and, admittedly, an intimidating academic prowess. Though you’ve always met each other head on in class, you’ve never felt up to par with him in any other respect. It’s nice to feel on a similar playing field. A bit endearing to see this tentative, boyish side to him, too.

It doesn’t last long enough.

There’s the barest shift in his expression, but you note with dread that familiar twinkle in Remus’ eyes. “Seems like you’ve been paying more attention to me than your book, hm?”

Yup, the endearment is gone.

“I’m basically done studying for the night anyway,” you lie through your teeth. “I was just finishing up.”

Remus’ brow lifts. He clearly doesn’t believe you. “Good for you. How long have you been here?”

“Since five.” It’s the truth this time, and you say it proudly. You want to show him that you work harder than him, are better, but your smugness fizzles out when he frowns.

“That long?” Remus asks, looking less defeated and more…troubled. “You must be exhausted. I was only going to put a couple of hours in.”

It nettles you, the implication that he can do better than you by studying half the time. You shrug with feigned insouciance. “I guess we’ll see who does better tomorrow.”

“Did you miss dinner?” He breezes right by the challenge, leaning forward as his brows come down. “You must have taken a break then.”

You cross your arms, appraising him as he does you. What is he playing at?

“I don’t take breaks, Remus.” I work hard. I play to win.

Remus hums, eyes still on you. It’s a struggle not to squirm under his gaze. After a minute, he sighs.

“Okay,” he says, starting to pack up his things. He puts his chocolates back in his bag. “I would offer you some of these, but you’ve made your thoughts about that known. I guess all that’s left is to go to the kitchens.”

You look up at him as he stands. “What are you talking about?”

“You can’t just not eat before the exam, love. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“To who?”

“To either of us. You need to do well, and I need to know you can do well so that I do well.” He leans against the table, a soft curve to his bottom lip. Like you’re friends. “Come on, grab your things.”

“I can’t just—” You shake your head incredulously. “I still have to study.”

“I thought you were done studying.”

“I—not—not all the way done,” you hedge, cheeks warming. Remus smiles like you’re funny.

“Let’s be done for tonight,” he says in a gentle tone. It’s not so different from his usual voice, and yet the sound of it caresses your nerves, lulling them to rest. “There’ll be time before the exam tomorrow. You’ve put in plenty of hours already, and those won’t do you any good without food and sleep.”

You bite the inside of your lip, considering this. Though you’ve tried to ignore it, you are tired. The bone-deep, heavy kind, from a week of exams that have left you nearly in tatters. You’re afraid that if you take to your bed now, getting out again may seem more trouble than it’s worth.

“And,” Remus adds offhandedly, “if beating my score is your goal, I like your odds. You’ve been studying all night, and I hardly opened my book a half hour ago.”

You blink up at him. Remus seems to realize you’re not going to start packing up yourself and, with a long-suffering sigh, begins doing it for you. “Why aren’t you staying to study?” you ask.

He shrugs. “I don’t mind going to the kitchens with you. And would you really go if I stayed here and studied?”

“No,” you answer honestly.

He gives you a wry, knowing look. “Then I suppose it’s a small price to pay.”

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kurikive · 2 days

Text

CASUAL | danielle marsh.

— "is it casual now?"

6thmember!reader, situationship/fwb but nothing sexual, angst, fluff at the end i promise, dani swears, reader is a (closeted) lesbian, reader is horrible at reading people, written in 2nd person, they work it out on the remix

warnings : A LOT of internalized homophobia !! reader refers to herself multiple times as a predator but it's just from fear and insecurity, nothing actually predatory is happening in the story. extremely brief mentions of starvation

wc: 5.4k words

inspired by: Casual — Chappell Roan

you and danielle marsh are friends. more than co-workers, you're friends. although you don't have that much in common except for your age, it was easy to adapt to the harsh environment of the k-pop industry's training system with someone like danielle by your side.

she's always been a ray of sunshine in everyone's lives, you're not the exception. if you were in a bad mood, tired from waking up in the early morning everyday, worked to the point of exhaustion, danielle would be there rubbing your shoulders and saying something sweet like

"you're doing great, y/n! keep up!"

and then you'd smile at her, and she'd smile back, and you'd feel so much better, thanks to danielle.

you didn't have many interests in common. music taste, fashion sense, movie picks, food preferences, personality types, if anything you were almost her complete opposite. and yet, she sat in your bed every night while you scrolled on your phone, talking for hours until it the clock hits midnight and she goes back to her room.

danielle did most of the talking, and you carefully listened to everything she said. the enthusiasm in which she enunciated all her words was endearing to listen to, and it couldn't not bring a smile out of you. the girl never forgot to give you your chance to speak too, trying to get to know you better everyday.

there was one thing she could not know, however. that you're a lesbian.

if it was hard enough being gay in korea, it was ten times harder when you were about to debut in a girl group, in one of the biggest companies in the industry at the moment nonetheless.

there were times where the members would all gather and have girl talks, talking about things like movies, celebrity crushes, past boyfriends and all that stuff, and you felt left out every single time.

sometimes it's more a curse than a blessing that danielle notices everything, because when she asks, "who's your celebrity crush, y/n?", "what do you look for in a boy, y/n?", "have you ever had a boyfriend, y/n?", you never know how you're supposed to respond.

it wasn't safe. it'll never be safe.

you've known the girls for almost a year and there has never been an indication of the way they felt about the LGBTQ+ community. hanni was your safest bet, she seemed the most open minded, but then again you can never be sure.

they were all so painfully straight.

so you try your best to answer vaguely,

"i don't know.", "i'm not sure, i don't really think about that." they complain a little about your mysteriousness, but it doesn't take long for them to let it go and move on.

you don't know how long you have to keep pretending you're not sure. you are sure.

you like girls.

you don't want to keep pretending you don't. but how would they feel?.

they'd feel unsafe, uncomfortable, scared, exposed to a threat, a possibility of being prey to a predator, a little voice in your head tells you.

but you're not. you're not a predator. they know you're not a predator. you'd never do anything to hurt them, or make them uncomfortable.

so you keep pretending. but the shell is starting to crack, and a knot in your throat gets tighter everytime you hear your members ask "is he your type?".

your debut is only a couple months away. you pray to god hanni has noticed by now. she's your roommate after all.

you start playing some specific songs without your headphones in hopes she walks by or enters the room and notices. you hope she's the one that asks. but she doesn't, she never mentions the songs, ever.

so you move on to movies and shows.

when she catches you watching heartbreak high in the living room TV, she only says "oh they're aussies, right?"

when she sees you watching heartstopper on your phone while eating dinner she just says, "kit connor is soooo handsome."

she doesn't mention it when she goes into your room and you're playing but i'm a cheerleader on your laptop. but hanni has caught on.

and the next time she goes into your shared room, she closes the door behind her. you're in your bed, and you're staring at each other, both of your eyes shine with nervousness.

"can i ask you something?" she says from the door, so shakily you start fearing she's not going to take it like you wish she would.

"sure." you didn't mean for your voice to come out as quiet as it did.

it's a nerve-wracking couple of seconds watching hanni take a seat in her own bed and face you. she takes a big breath before asking, "do you- no, sorry. are you... gay?"

yes, yes, yes. i am a lesbian. i like girls. you want to scream, but the realization of reality strangles you and your throat feels so tight, and you can't say anything.

"it's not like there's anything wrong about it, i'm just... asking." she tries. you can tell she's trying. it's sweet that she's trying.

"yes." it's a struggle to get it out, and your heart starts racing, but just being able to feels like such a relief that you might start crying. but then fear washes down on you again when you can't read hanni, at all.

"i'm really sorry, hanni. i promise i'm not weird or predatory or anything, i would never try to make you uncomfortable and i'm sorry if i ever did. i promise i don't like you like that, not that you're not attractive or anything, that's not what i mean at all. i just- i would never like you like that, you're like my sister and i promise that i'm still the same y/n you met, i really hope this doesn't change anything in our-" she cuts off your rambled apology-slash-explanation with a hug.

"it doesn't. i promise." it hits you now, just now, that hanni knows. she knows.

"please don't tell the others." you're choked up, and that's the only thing you could say before the tears in your eyes caught up. i don't know how they'll take it, you want to say, but the only thing that comes out is a broken sob.

"i won't. it's okay, y/n."

you've grown closer to hanni than you'd ever thought you would. you spend your nights in your room talking and laughing and watching funny videos you send each other.

it's been a few months since you've debuted and you couldn't be happier. you had someone to rely on, someone who knows all your secrets and can trust her with them, and vice versa.

your career has skyrocketed and your popularity is through the roof, and although there are always negative consequences that come with that fame, it's been mostly great on your end.

danielle doesn't really hang out in your room to talk anymore. if you're honest, you kind of miss it, but she surely has her reasons, and you don't think too much about it.

you're currently in one of the vocal practice rooms at HYBE, setting up your phone to do a phoning live. you'd just finish your vocal practice and you had asked for permission beforehand.

after a few minutes of talking with your fans, recommending movies and talking about food, you hear a knock on your door. quite strange.

"yeah? who is it?" you yell loud enough to no cause any ruckus. the door slightly opens and a face peeks inside, "it's me!" danielle's signature smile shining brightly at you, "i saw you were live and wanted to come hang out."

you didn't even need to tell her anything before she was coming right inside the room to grab a chair and sit beside you. "well, come hang out then!" you face your screen to see danielle struggling to bring the chair closer to you, and you chuckle a bit. "dani's here, guys!"

danielle has always been very touchy; with everyone, that is. today was not the exception, resting her head on your shoulder, holding your hand and locking your fingers together, nuzzling her face in your neck, it's all things you're already used to.

it's never been more than just friendly showcases of affection, to you, at least. and you've also never been irritated by it, but there's some guilt you try to suppress.

you don't want to push her away, you're not uncomfortable with her actions, what is uncomfortable is her potentially finding out your sexuality and thinking you let her shower you with affection for your own amusement. you fear it. but you don't want to think about that right now.

you think about it again, however, when you go back home and open social media only to see videos and threads with thousands of likes and views compiling every sweet moment of affection that happened just mere hours ago.

there's a pang in your chest when you see the tens of delusional comments talking of how much they'd like to see you and your friend as a couple. it feels like you're being strangled, and you suddenly feel unwell, so you close the app and turn off your phone.

"i should watch a movie."

you fully believe your debut was your prime. everyday gets harder, scandal after scandal, comeback after comeback, day after day. you work really hard, your members know, your fans know. but it never looks like it's going to get easier.

you win awards, win some more, get another important deal, shoot another session, write another song, the cycle repeats although not in the same order. like a fucked up loop. you're so fucking tired.

you wonder how hyein is holding up. you care a lot for her, like your little sister. she seems okay, eating a bowl of yogurt and fruits in the living room with haerin and hanni. are you the only one having a hard time?

you need to relieve your stress, and there's really no other option other than going to the gym to work out. so you go back to your room to lazily change into your practice clothes and grab your backpack, "i'm going to the gym." you try your best to sound at least a little enthusiastic as you walk behind the living room couch.

"when are you coming back?" you hear danielle ask from the kitchen, a twinge of concern in her voice. "it might start raining soon."

"i won't take long. if i see it starts to get cloudy i'll get going." you try to put her worries at ease. your gym doesn't have windows, though.

you shouldn't have gone. you're not even supposed to go anyway. it's raining hard, and it might start storming soon. but your manager can't know you're here. one of the many downsides of being in a group with four minors and two barely-adults, you can't call any of them to pick you up. so fuck it, you're taking the public transportation.

kind of extremely risky considering you are literally in newjeans, but okay. what else is there to do? what you failed to consider is the only bus stop being about five blocks away. and the bus doesn't drop you off even remotely close to the dorms. so you're gonna be running in the rain and, fuck it again, you do just that.

the first five blocks to the bus stop weren't that bad, you didn't get soaked like you imagined, blocking most raindrops with your backpack over your head. you really should've just brought an umbrella, though.

good thing you brought a mask, at least. nobody seemed to recognize you on the bus. you take a seat as close as possible to the exit and take out your phone to hurriedly text the group chat.

i got a bit caught up, im omw

domt worry 2 much

ill b there soon :))

minji responds with a thumbs up, hanni leaves an "idiot" that gets a like reaction by haerin. you see danielle write and then stop writing about 3 times, but she ends up not sending anything at all, so you just turn off your phone and look outside for your stop.

it only takes a couple minutes of waiting to see the silhouette of your dorm building. you get off your seat and wait for the bus to halt at the next stop to get off. it's raining a bit harder, but there's nothing you can do except wing it.

and when you get off, you immediately put your backpack on top of your head and start running as fast as you could towards your dorm. you get some looks, but no one can possibly be able to recognize you, not at the speed you're going.

after a few minutes, your legs start getting tired not only from running, but all the exercise you did hours earlier. another thing you failed to consider in this mediocre, careless plan.

but you're almost there. and you're almost not soaked.

by the time you reach your building the only thing about you that isn't wet is your scalp. you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket, it's probably one of your members, but you're almost there, you can't pick up.

you enter the gates of the apartment, and you're probably going to make a mess on the floor on the elevator, but your legs can't take it anymore, and you thank any god that hears your prayers when the elevator doors open and it's empty. you can't take more embarrassment right now.

the doors open once again and you try not to make much noise as you run towards your dorm. someone inside must've heard you fumbling with your keys because as soon as you find the right one the door is already open, a concerned danielle with a just as worried minji behind her. you smile at the sight of them. "hello!"

"get your ass inside!" you hear hanni shout from the couch.

you're drying your hair in your room after taking a shower and explaining the situation to your group members. just as you're about to turn on your phone to see what time it is you hear a knock on your door, "can i come in?" it's danielle.

"yup. come on in!" you answer a lot more energized than a couple hours before. danielle's not wearing her usual bright smile, but rather a more worried expression. "y/n, can we talk?"

you're confused. you've never heard or seen her like this before. she's obviously been worried before, she cares about you just as much as the others, but this time it's different. "yeah, what's up?" you try your best to respond calmly and tap a stop in the bed beside yourself, which danielle gladly takes.

"are you okay?" she asks as she settles down at your side. what?

"what do you mean?" you don't notice it but you start fidgeting with your own fingers. danielle notices.

"it's just," she tries looking somewhere else, but she can't help the need of looking into your eyes all the time, looking for some sort of sign, some crack, "i can tell you're stressed. you're tired and... if you need to talk i just want you to know that i'm here." her eyes are dripping honey and her hand is so warm when she grabs yours.

you show her a sluggish smile, "thanks, dani. i appreciate that." when you look back, her face is already finding it's way to the crook of your neck. "i'm just a little tired of everything. it really feels like i'm doing the same things all over again. i know we've achieved a lot as a group but i feel like i have nothing going on for myself." you sigh, danielle says nothing, urging you to continue.

"all the songs i pitch get turned down, my other drafts feel too personal to release as a group song. every song i write with the group in mind feels, i don't know, empty?"

your eyes unfocus as a wave of emptiness washes over you and the only thing you feel is a water droplet from your bangs fall and travel down your temples. and also the warmth shared by danielle's hand in yours.

"i just feel like nothing's going on in my life." you feel danielle's head leave your shoulder and you turn to look at each other at the same time, "i think i know how you feel." she says with the sweetest eyes ever.

"thanks for listening, dani." you smile at her, but it feels so strange when she doesn't smile back. she just stares, right through you. her eyes are so pretty; you've always known but this is the first time you've looked at them directly for so long (there's really nothing else for you to look at when she's so close to your face).

oh, yeah. in a sudden moment you were inches apart. you don't remember moving so it must've been danielle.

you don't really understand what's going on. maybe this is an eye contact battle and you're not supposed to blink. and you think for a moment you had it easy because suddenly danielle's pretty eyes are nowhere to be found and you're staring at her eyelids and long eyelashes instead.

before your brain even thinks of giving you the chance to mutter "i win!" in a silly manner, you feel your own lips getting shut. covered, enveloped by another set of softness.

oh. this is not what you expected at all.

what are you even supposed to do right now? well, pull away, obviously. but that could could give danielle the impression that you hate everything about this and, really, that's not true at all. it's good. well, not good, but- danielle is not horrible at kissing.

what even is happening, anyway? i mean, you're kissing. but what else? nothing feels like it's moving; it feels like time's stopped. there also hasn't been anything that has lead up to this happening.

so you're just left there, paralyzed, in shock, waiting until danielle pulls away. just waiting until she's done with you. until she's satisfied.

and it's until danielle notices that you're not moving that she realizes what she's done. she pulls away, shaken and distraught.

"y/n, i am so sorry. i don't know what came over me, i am so so so sorry. i really didn't mean to do that. please forgive me, y/n, i am really so sorry." at this point, danielle's voice starts to break. "i don't know why i did that, it's just, i don't know, you just looked good a-and we were just close and-"

"it's okay, dani. i know."

"no, y/n, i really am sorry. i-"

"dani, i swear it's fine." you grab her shoulder to reassure her, but is anything really fine right now? "i..." you don't really know what to say next. "i don't, like, hate you or anything. i understand things like that happen. i'm not mad at you."

"really?" you've never seen her tear up so fast. you definitely didn't expect her to tear up at this. but you know the feeling of guilt so well you can't help but feel sympathy for her. "are you sure? i promise it won't happen again."

"i'm sure, dani. you could never do anything to make me hate you."

you smile at her, she sniffles. it's the last thing you hear before you hear the sound of her wristwatch's seconds ticking. you don't really know what's going through her head. you count about 34 ticks.

"did you hate it?" her voice isn't weak, but it is lower than you normally expect it to be.

you're stunned, but the way she looks at you so earnestly, with a hint of nervousness in her eyes forces you to answer within seconds, "n-no! dani, i didn't... hate it. it was just unexpected. i didn't really process it at first." it's the truth, but it feels so gut-wrenching to say.

another 20 ticks of quiet.

"can i do it again?"

hello? hello? what is going on? hello?

"i-i mean, if you want to." it sounds more like a question than a proper answer. and danielle takes it anyway.

you don't have any romantic feelings for danielle, that's for sure. she's said she doesn't have any feelings for you either. that's established. and yet when hanni is too caught up watching movies in the living room with minji and hyein, danielle is always there, sitting in your bed.

sometime's it's just little pecks while you cuddle and watch something she doesn't care much about. sometime's she's on the verge of kissing the living shit out of you.

it's never more than that. none of you let it be more than that. it's more than okay.

it's comfortable. it's casual.

and yet, every time it happens, you feel guilt eat at your stomach.

because danielle doesn't know. and she can't know.

it's not like this was your idea in the first place, it was danielle's. but the fact that you let her do it anyway could be predatory enough for her to feel unsafe if she ever did find out. even if she's the one who caused this all.

and never once do you think about yourself while it happens. it's not a moment for you, it's a moment for danielle to take. and you're okay with that. as long as she's okay with it.

you're okay with many things just because danielle is okay with them.

if danielle wants to watch a romcom, you watch a romcom. if danielle wants to eat plain yogurt, you eat plain yogurt. if danielle wants to kiss you, you let her kiss you.

it's not that big of a deal if there are no feelings involved. it's just a matter of believing that that's actually true.

you let her do whatever she wants because you're scared to do the taking. because taking feels like stealing, and doing feels like attacking. and you're so scared to hurt danielle that you forget you can also hurt yourself.

but if it's so casual, why doesn't she let go of your hand? why does she call you pretty everyday? why does she look at you with those pretty eyes like you're her whole world?

was the "i love you" she said yesterday something she meant as platonic love? is there such a thing as casual love?

was it just the sound of the raindrops on your window that made you hallucinate the sound of a love confession?

you don't eat anything for the rest of the day.

minji and hyein are visiting their parents. hanni and haerin are out of the country. and you're in the dorm kitchen trying to figure out how blurred the lines are while you mix the milk into your tea.

you feel your heart drop when you hear the sound of footsteps of the line-blurrer herself over the sounds of light rain. it hasn't stopped since the day before.

you don't want to feel anything right now, you don't want to hear anything right now.

she wraps her arms around your waist and says, "good morning." with that big bright smile on her face. at one point it started hurting when she did, but you don't remember when.

she smells like the candles you burnt in your room two days after hanni left. you were trying to get rid of danielle's scent from your room, but you couldn't tell her that, so you just said you were trying something new.

danielle notices you say nothing back, and your eyes are nowhere in particular. "watchu thinkin' about?" her always cheery tone gets you out of your trance, and she notices when you stop stirring the spoon in your cup. you're still silent for a bit, but she lets you take your time.

"i don't think we should do this anymore, danielle."

you tense up when her arms leave your waist, but it feels oddly freeing. you don't turn back to face her.

"what do you mean?"

"are we still casual?"

there's disbelief in danielle's voice when she speaks, "what are you talking about? of course we are!" but she sounds dishonest, in a way.

"really?" that's when you turn around, her eyes are wide and her cheeks are quite flushed but nothing about her seems guilty at all, "because saying "i love you" doesn't seem quite casual to me."

she scoffs, "y/n, i tell all my friends i love them. it's a normal thing!"

"i'd agree with you if we weren't kissing on the low. it's a little too much on top of that."

"i don't know what you think casual means but-"

"what i mean is we should stop before the lines start to blur, that's if they haven't already." you don't want to yell at her. you hope she understands before you have to raise your voice. "we are public figures, famous figures. if this goes wrong we can't go back and that could potentially ruin everything, not only for us but for our group."

"well, it can't go wrong if there's no feelings involved, can it?" danielle is usually playfully sassy, but she's never responded to you like this before.

"we're human, danielle. feelings can't be stopped." you're not too good at reading people, but you can see something has clicked in danielle's brain.

"what i'm getting is that you developed feelings for me while we were casual, is that right?" she seems so sure and confident that it annoys you. it frustrates you. and you want to cry.

"no, that's not what i said. but i am scared of it happening, and i want this to stop before it has the chance to."

"well, you should've thought of that before you said yes." you never really did.

"why are you upset, anyways?"

"b-because!" her voice gets louder, "i just wanted this to be casual, and now your telling me you're scared of catching feelings, it's just weird. that's all."

you sigh, "listen, i don't want this to end on a bad note. i just-"

"well, i don't want this to end at all!"

it takes you a minute to believe what you're hearing.

"a-are you hearing yourself?" it's shocking, it really is, "this is crazy, why are you being so selfish right now?"

"because it feels good! okay?!" danielle has completely let go of the loose strings of morality she was holding on to, "it fucking feels good, a-and you make me feel good. i like it when we kiss, and i like it when we cuddle and, and, i just like it, okay?!" that's the first time you've heard danielle curse in your entire life.

"okay, well, i'm glad you did. but i don't. i don't feel good at all." it's so scary and risky because you're two seconds away from telling her the truth, and this could potentially damage both your careers irreversibly, but you can't think of any lie or excuse that is true enough to keep hiding it.

"i drown in guilt every time we kiss and i feel like i'm choking when you look at me these days."

you've never seen her look so confused, like she really doesn't understand you. because she never had to.

"why?"

"i am a lesbian, danielle." you can't shatter, not now. "and it kills me because you'll never understand how hard it is to hide like this for so long. and yes, we hide this casual thing from our members, but after this is over you don't have to hide anything at all and i still have to hide everything."

she says nothing. her eyes soften, but you can't read them. not like you ever could.

"i didn't catch feelings for you, but i could, and you're not helping out. and you don't have to worry about that. you don't have to worry about your members being disgusted at you for something you can't change. you don't have to pretend. you don't have to be scared that you're making someone uncomfortable by simply existing beside them. i had to pretend i didn't care when you kissed me, i had to pretend to be okay when you kissed me again. i've been pretending to be okay with so much i don't know what being okay is anymore."

danielle still says nothing.

"but that's all gone to shit now, hasn't it?" your voice can't break now, but it does anyway, even when your not done speaking. "i can't be okay with everything. i can't be casual about everything, danielle. not anymore." there's a hot tear running down your cheek, but you try to hold yourself together.

"i never want to hurt you, ever, danielle. but i am seriously hurting myself. i am eating myself from inside out. there's nothing casual about that."

"i think i might be in love with you." is the first thing she says in minutes. and that's when you shatter completely. you turn around to leave your mug of now cold tea on the counter and you rest your elbows on it to hide your face in your hands.

"do you think that helps?" you're sobbing.

"i'm sorry. i know it doesn't. i just had a moment of realization and i think that's why i was so upset. i didn't want you to end this because i was in love with you since the start and didn't realize."

"this is fucking crazy." it really is, that's why you can't hold down the laugh of complete astonishment that leaves your lips. "do you realize how crazy this is? i just came out to you and you're- i don't even want to think about this."

"i'm really sorry, y/n." it's the first time you see guilt in danielle's face in a long time. "i really am. i really didn't know, i- i didn't know anything at all."

"you were upset of me potentially having feelings for you when it was you the whole time, huh?" this is no time or place to make jokes, you're literally crying as you speak. but this is hilarious. danielle seems to think so too given she also laughs.

"i don't know what i was thinking." she says, hiding her face in her palm in embarrassment.

"i wish i knew too." you say, "i never do."

"so what now? i mean, you clearly don't like me back." you don't understand how danielle does it. she never looks away, she faces the truth, something you're unable to do easily.

"that's a good question, i actually never thought about that." i mean, you thought the possibility of danielle ever liking a woman, let alone you, was at a mere 0.1%, can you blame yourself for not thinking of a solution to this?

"i mean, you did say you could."

"selfish asshole." you mutter to yourself, but danielle hears it anyways. "hey!"

"i'm crying right in front of you out of fear and frustration, have some respect, dude."

"i would say it wouldn't hurt to try but it clearly does so i don't know what you want to do." wow, danielle really could never do anything to make you hate her. nothing at all. "i don't mind being the selfless one this time."

"cheesy." she's always been like that, you can't say you hate it. "i'll reheat my tea and think about it."

danielle waits for you. maybe it wouldn't be so bad to risk falling in love with her too. you've risked it once.

the microwave beeps and you take your mug out. it's hot again. you turn to face danielle and she's still there, hasn't moved an inch. "i'm willing to give it a try. but nothing casual."

she shines you the widest grin you've ever seen from her. "nothing was ever casual, i fear."

"i still can't believe you cursed." you say as you walk past her to go to your room (that probably smells like danielle's perfume again).

"i did?!" she trails behind you. you nod. "i almost jumped."

"hey, am i the first one to know?"

"what, that i'm a lesbian?" she nods, now beside you. you shake your head after a sip of your tea.

"hanni knew."

"i'm not even the first? fuck..." is she doing this on purpose... she has to be, right?

"dude? hello?"

"don't dude me, i'm your future girlfriend." she hits your arm as you walk into your room. you don't know what you're gonna say to hanni when she comes back.

"confident much? shut up and pick a movie to watch." you'll figure it out later.

end.

🗒️ this wasn't as long as i thought it was gonna be THANK GOD

#newjeans x reader #danielle x reader #danielle marsh x reader #danielle angst #newjeans angst

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deadghosy · 3 days

Text

（TEDDY）THEODORE NOTT

Teddy, a nickname you call Theodore nott. A Slytherin boy who seemed to have girls hooked on him for his handsome looks and dead eyes. Usually you didn’t see the catch at all. Probably because you’re his best friend. Aside from all that, Theodore is mostly seen around you. Behind you, from your left to your right. Hell even in front of you when talking.

That glint his eyes always appear when you’re talking to him. He always seemed like you were the only person there. And he liked that. He liked how you rant about your days, rant about your hyper fixations. Just anything. Your voice was like music, it helps him focus on the only thing important. You. Right as now Theodore was staring at you from afar. You were talking to your friend. He smiled while wobbling his head a little. God you were so beautiful from afar even, like a renaissance painting.

“Mate, you’re staring at them again..” mattheo said elbowing the tall Slytherin out of his daydream. Theodore pushed Mattheo from him. “I know that…” he says with a grumble. Mattheo snickered, “when are you gonna stop being a wuss and ask them out already. I heard a ravenclaw was gonna ask them out later today.” Theodore narrowed his eyes at his other best friend who seemed to just grin. “You’re lying aren’t you?” He asked looking at the riddle. “Riddle me this Theodore. Do you wanna get to them first, or let some raven do it for you.”

The tension was now evident as Theo shuffled a little on his feet. Mattheo had a serious look while lighting up as cigarette. “Cmon bud, it ain’t that hard.”

But it was.

Theodore couldn’t rest in 2 nights thinking about you getting asked out by another person. The thought of you just being with someone made his stomach bubble and sick. He wanted to just throw these feelings away. What if you don’t like him. He couldn’t do this. He sat up in his bed and pushed his hair back breathing a little heavy. The room was so quiet he could hear his heartbeat. He could even fucking feel it beating. “Mattheo..” Mattheo snores in response. Theodore says the boy’s name a little louder only to hear another snore. “Mattheo!” That’s when Theodore thrown a pillow at him starting the poor riddle awake. “ADVA- WHAT WHAT?? What’s going on mate??” He says disoriented after realizing it was just Theodore who woke him up. “Who’s the ravenclaw going to ask out Y/N??” Mattheo immediately groaned. “I was lying..now let me sleep.” Mattheo immediately and indeed go back to sleep while Theodore sighed in relief. Now he knows he had to do something quick.

So the best thing to do was get you alone with him so he can confess. It was casual for him to be with you when walking to class, so why stop there. As you were talking about your day. You called him that name again. “Teddy.” It seemed to give him an idea as he just smiled listening to you. “So you found her a gift? And you’re gonna confess to her, with the gift?” Mattheo asked looking at a brown teddy that had a Slytherin uniform and a wand. “Sì.” “Dude…this might work.” Mattheo smiled patting the taller Slytherin in his shoulder. “I just hope they like it…” “they will.”

After getting hyped up by his wing man, he walked to your dorm where he knew you were studying. He took a deep in before knocking, patiently waiting he heard footsteps. That’s when the door open for him to see the most beautiful thing to live on earth. You were smiling seeing him. “Teddy!” You hugged him around his neck. His one arm wrapping it self around you as his other was holding the bear. “Heyyy tesoro.” You let him in your dorm. He took every scent that was yours as it was around the dorm of yours. “Omg Theo you would not believe the tea I heard today.” He chuckled sitting on your bed, still hiding the teddy as you ranted about how some girl in the ravenclaw house has started to date some gryffindor. You explained how the relationship was actually toxic in the end. As you moved to sit next to Nott, that’s when he showed you the teddy bear.

“Here…” he says with a slight smile. You immediately smile with a flustered look. “Aww..thank you..I love this.” You looked up to Nott who was staring at you with admiration in his eyes. “Why..did you give me this?” You say with a look in your eyes. “It’s just..I, I always wanted to give you something. You told me how not much people in your life has given you a gift..” your heart started to melt as he continued talking. “And since you call me Teddy at times, why not buy you a teddy.” Immediately Theodore held your hand. “But really, I want to say is I love you.” Your eyes widen, your heart started to pound. You didn’t expect this. You had always fell inlove with Theodore when you two were in first year. But to now hear that he likes you too felt like a dream.

“Every time you talk. It’s like music to me, you make me feel as if I’m home. Your beauty strikes me every time I look at you, my heart…stops. Every single time cause you take my breath away.” He says to you. Your eyes water with a soft smile. You immediately put the teddy bear down and hug Theodore. Theodore froze for a second before hugging you close to his body. It was like you two were pieces of puzzle put together once again. “Thank you for the teddy, teddy.” “No problem amore mio.”

He’s your teddy after all…

#small fanfic #small story #probably not making a part 2 #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott imagine #theodore nott #theo nott x reader #theo nott #theodore nott x you #Theodore nott fluff #Slytherin boy x reader #slytherin x reader #slytherin boys x reader #slytherin boys x you #slytherin boys imagine #slytherin boys #slytherin

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imaginespazzi · 3 days

Text

On The Road To Eternity

Three times Paige and Azzi fall asleep together and the one time they stay awake

(In which a kind writer gives y'all the last dose of real fluff before committing to angst for the next few months)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

Words: 4.0K

TW: Light swearing, alcohol, Azzi's ACL injury

A/N: Hello my lovelies! So I know you're all waiting for something else and I promise I am working on it too! But I had a couple of requests I wanted to get through first and the easiest thing as always, was to combine some of them into one fic. So for anons who wanted the plane convo, injury-related comfort and more Miles and Sienna content, this is for you! This is set in Eternity-verse but you obviously don't have to read either of those to understand this. The editing in this might actually be non-existent but I hope y'all forgive me anyways. As always, let me know what you liked, what you disliked and what you'd like to see in the future. Enjoy the fluff lovelies, we're in for a bumpy ride next time <3

the playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks

Paige’s mouth is running dry. She’s been babbling on and on for almost two hours and the girl next to her has barely spoken two sentences. In Paige’s defense, she’s not really fully in control of her word vomit right now. Her brain is currently in the grasp of her nervous anxiety and the fear that if she lets silence linger between them, the brunette next to her would realize too quickly that maybe Paige’s brilliant idea to switch their seats so they could be next to each other, wasn’t such a brilliant idea after all.

This feeling is foreign to Paige. She’s always been the epitome of confidence, always so sure of herself, always convinced that the person in front of her must want to be her friend. But something about Azzi Fudd is different. It’s not like Azzi’s been cold or anything, but she seems immune to Paige’s charm, eyes always a little weary of what ridiculousness Paige is going to get herself into next. But really, Paige thinks, it’s Azzi’s fault that the blonde had been up to one too many shenanigans during USA Basketball. Because if every time Paige pulls off a trick, Azzi’s going to smile like that, like Paige is the funniest human being in the world, then she’s going to do it over and over again.

“You um-,” Paige looks down, fiddling with her thumbs, “you can tell me to shut up you know. I get a little too excited about basketball sometimes.”

“I think you get a little too excited about most things,” Azzi says and when Paige looks up at her, there’s a teasing grin playing on the younger girl's lips.

“Life’s too short to not be excited about things,” Paige says solemnly.

Azzi raises an eyebrow, “what book did you steal that from- actually never mind, I doubt you read.”

“Hey, I do read!” Paige shrieks in mock offence and Azzi bursts out laughing. And Paige barely knows this girl, doesn’t even know her middle name yet, but she thinks that Azzi’s laughter, like wind chimes ringing through the mountains, might be her favourite sound in the whole wide world.

It takes Azzi a second to compose herself, before she looks at Paige with earnest eyes, “I like listening to you talk.”

“Be careful Fudd. I might never shut up,” Paige smirks cockily but inside, her chest feels a like it’s bursting at the compliment. Five simple words and it feels a little bit like all of Paige’s insecurities are being soothed over, a sense of calm washing all over her. She doesn’t understand the butterflies in her stomach and she definitely doesn’t understand the fluttering in her chest but she knows that she likes this feeling, knows that she likes Azzi.

“You say that but you’ve already gone quiet on me Bueckers,” Azzi cocks her head, “whatcha thinking?”

“I’m thinking we’re gonna be great friends.”

“You think so? I'm a little picky about my friendships.”

“I know so. I'm gonna be the best friend you've ever had," Paige vows.

And when Azzi smiles, it’s not a smile that Paige has seen in the last week. It’s one that’s entirely different, one filled with something both of them are too young to understand and it’ll take years before either of them realize that it’s Azzi’s Paige smile. It'll take years before they realize Paige has her own matching Azzi smile.

This time as Paige starts up a conversation again, Azzi has more input. Time seems to stop and speed up all at the same time as the two girls cover every topic imaginable, occasionally getting annoyed shushing looks from other passengers when they giggle a little too loudly. All that does is make them share conspiratorial smiles and laugh just a little bit harder. It’s almost three-quarters of the way into the flight when their voices start getting scratchy, sleep inching its way onto their features as they slowly fall into silence.

Paige will never admit this but she’s a little scared of the quiet. Well, actually, she’s scared of being alone, and the quiet feels a lot like solitude. Her whole life she’s tried her best to keep herself surrounded by chaos, by noise, filling up the space with her own voice if nobody else wanted to talk. And if there was nothing, at least there was the sound of a basketball being dribbled on the hardwood floor. The whole plane is asleep and all she can focus on is Azzi’s soft breathing next to her as the brunette falls deeper and deeper into her dreams. And for the first time in her life, Paige doesn’t mind the quiet.

***

Azzi stirs awake to the cabin crew announcing they’re only a couple of minutes away from landing. She cricks her neck, feeling a heaviness on her right and when she turns to look, there’s Paige Bueckers. Blonde hair sprawled all over Azzi's arm as the point guard uses Azzi’s shoulder as her own personal pillow. Her eyes are shut tight, mouth a little ajar with drool pooling at the corner of her lips. Azzi blinks down at her, unsure why her heartbeat is erratic, unsure why she thinks Paige might be the most beautiful creature she’s ever seen.

Azzi wills herself to stay deathly still, convincing herself that it’s because she doesn’t want to wake Paige up. After all, they’d had a long week and the point guard deserved a break after having done everything in her power to make sure the team won gold. But really, the truth is Azzi doesn’t want Paige to wake up because then Paige will move away and Azzi’s beginning to realize she quite likes having Paige asleep on her, she's beginning to realize, that maybe she just likes having Paige with her.

2. the lingering question kept me up, 2 am who do you love

“And then Coach made me run laps for an hour. AN HOUR,” Paige says animatedly, placing her phone on her pillow, as she flips herself to lie on her stomach, “and now I’m sore everywhere.”

“Aww you poor baby,” her best friend’s voice mocks through the facetime call that’s been running since midnight, “maybe next time you should just try and practice well.”

“Who’s side are you even on?” Paige guffaws.

Azzi laughs, her head leaning back against the headboard as she gets comfortable, “his duh. After all, he could be my future coach. Gotta stay on his good side.”

“What do you mean could?” Paige narrows her eyes, “he will be your coach.”

“I dunno dude. The way you’ve been complaining about practice since you got there, I don’t know if I wanna be a part of that.”

“Don’t think you can handle it?” Paige smirks, knowing exactly what buttons to push as she watches Azzi’s calm expression turn to one of fierce competition.

“I would kick your butt at practice,” Azzi says determinedly and Paige’s smirk widens.

“Well you should commit to UConn and find out.”

“May I w-” Azzi stops, groaning as she realises what Paige is doing.

“Go ahead and finish that sentence for me.”

“Fuck off,” Azzi whines, grabbing a pillow to bury her head into and it’s ridiculous the way Paige is so endeared by it. But then again, she’s endeared by most things Azzi.

“I didn’t do anything,” Paige sing-songs, “that was all you bro.”

“You tricked me.”

“I did no such thing. I am a woman of God. I would never.”

“Don’t bring God into your deception Paige,” Azzi chastises as they both delve into laughter. That’s their friendship in a nutshell. Conversations well past midnight, filled with bickering and giggling. And the truth is, that all throughout the day, as she goes through the motions of UConn life, this is what Paige looks forward to. Coming back to her dorm, falling into bed, picking up the phone and finding Azzi on the other side. And even if doesn’t do nearly enough to soothe the ache of how much she craves Azzi’s physical presence, at least for a while she can close her eyes and pretend, just by the sound of her best friend’s voice, that she’s here with her.

“You’d fit in really well Az,” Paige says after a moment, chewing at her lip, “I know your game better than anyone and I know you’d thrive here.”

Azzi sighs, “I don’t feel like doing this tonight Paige.”

They’re balancing on a thin rope when it comes to Azzi’s commitment. As the deadline approaches, the younger girl, also known as the most indecisive person Paige knows, has gotten more and more tense with every day. What had started as Azzi rolling her eyes whenever Paige pushed a little too hard, had begun to delve into Azzi shutting down the moment Paige brought the topic up.

“I just think-”

“Stop thinking,” Azzi bites out harshly before she lets out a deep breath, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that I just- I need everyone to stop talking to me about it.”

“We’re just tryna help,” Paige says slowly, lying on her elbows as she props her phone up against her side table.

“I know. I know. But I just need y’all to trust that I know what’s best for me.”

I’m what’s best for you, Paige thinks but she can’t say that out loud, not when it’s veering just a little too close to the biggest reason why Paige wants Azzi at UConn, one that has absolutely nothing to do with basketball, one that has everything do with that scary fucking l-word Paige isn’t sure she’ll ever be ready to confront.

Instead she gives her best friend a soothing nod, “you know I trust your judgement.”

“You should,” Azzi smiles and Paige feels warm all over, “it’s definitely better than yours.”

Paige rolls her eyes, “you say the sweetest things to me Azzi Fudd.”

“I try,” Azzi whispers before a loud yawn escapes her, as she rolls over to lie on her side.

“You abouta fall asleep on me bro?” Paige raises an eyebrow.

“Of,” another yawn, “course not.”

Paige shakes her head, mentally counting down in her head as she watches Azzi’s eyes start to blink. For her part, the younger girl tries to keep talking, mumbling something about some tv show she’d watched that day. Paige barely registers any of it, too busy admiring how pretty Azzi looks in the dim glow of her night light. She can feel her own body starting to drift away as well, giving into what’s basically become routine. And maybe their phones only have enough charge for them to get a small glimpse of each other stirring awake before the call unceremoniously. But it’s enough. For now, even if it’s just through a screen, falling asleep to the sound of each other breathing, and waking up to those precious few seconds of each other being the first thing they see in the morning, is enough.

3. now i’m pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door

The music roars around her as Paige lets herself be immersed by the dancing crowd. It’s a Thursday night, but after a decisive win over Maryland by the women’s team, all of Storrs is partying like it’s already the weekend. While the bar was always an option, the team had decided to throw an impromptu party in one of the apartments instead and word seemed to have spread a little too quickly throughout campus.

Paige is distracted as she dances with KK and Aubrey, eyes constantly drifting to the door in anticipation of her girlfriend. Azzi had reassured she’d show up after the Fudds, who were helping Azzi decorate for Christmas, left but the clock is ticking closer and closer to midnight and there’s still no sign of the brunette anywhere.

“Has Azzi texted any of y’all?’ Paige tries to yell over the music, after checking her own phone and finding nothing. Both KK and Aubrey shake their heads and Paige sighs, concern flooding into her brain. Out of the corner of her eye she notices Caroline beelining for the door and call it instinct, but Paige immediately knows it has something to do with Azzi.

“I’ll be right back okay,” she says to her other teammates, before following the Massachusetts native.

She’s not sure how Caroline did it so easily, but it takes Paige far longer than it should to get through the crowd and out the door.Azzi’s apartment is eerily quiet by the time Paige reaches it. The newly setup Christmas lights around the living room have been turned off and even the fairy lights on the Christmas tree are set to a dim setting. For a second, Paige wonders if maybe Azzi isn’t even in here and then she hears it, a heartbreakingly familiar sob. As she walks towards Azzi’s door, Paige feels her own heart start to crack.

When the injury had happened in practice, there were two people who had immediately known what it was. The person it happened to and her person who’d just been through it. Azzi had taken it shockingly well from the moment it happened til the doctor had confirmed what they’d all known, but still hoped to be wrong about. A steely determined look had covered her face, as instead of mourning another setback, she’d thrown herself into planning out her recovery. But Paige had always been able to see through Azzi’s façade and she’d known it was only a matter of time before the inevitable crash.

Paige stops outside the door, unsure if she should go in as she listens to the sound of Azzi’s tears and Caroline’s soothing “it’s gonna be okay.”

“It’s not,” Azzi breathes out between sobs and it feels like a shard of glass is being used to puncture Paige's soul, “I can’t do this again Carol. It’s too much. I can’t keep doing this again and again. Why does this keep happening to me?”

“I know,” Caroline whispers, sounding as helplessly defeated as Paige feels, “I’m so sorry Azzi.”

“No, I'm sorry. Fuck Carol, you should be down at the party-”

“I should be here with you because you need me,” Caroline hesitates, “but I also don’t think it’s me you need.”

“Don’t,” Azzi’s voice is firmer now and Paige can picture her wiping her tears as she gives Caroline that patented don’t push me look.

“Azzi-”

“Did you see how happy she looked after the game? I can’t ruin that for her. She was so good tonight and I’m so proud of her and I can’t- I won’t ruin that for her. She’s been through so much this year and she deserves to celebrate without- without me there ruining her moment.”

You stupid silly girl with your heart of gold, Paige thinks, shaking her head as she throws the door open.

“Oh thank god,” Caroline mutters under her breath, moving a little so that Paige can see all of Azzi’s, sitting rigidly on her bed with her legs hanging off one side. Tear tracks stream down the younger girl’s face, her hands fisted in her laps as she stares at Paige with watery eyes. She’s still dressed in her tracksuit from the game, the sticker Paige had placed over her heart, still exactly where she’d put it. An air of fragility clings to Azzi’s frame and Paige wants to bubble wrap her girlfriend and hide her away from this cruel world that seems to test their strength at every step of the way.

“For someone so smart Azzi Fudd, you say the dumbest shit sometimes,” Paige whispers, crouching down in front of the brunette, and uncurling her fists so she can hold her hands, “you think I can celebrate without you?”

“I didn’t wanna be a buzzkill,” Azzi mumbles, eyes looking anywhere but at Paige, “I don’t wanna be a burden.”

“Baby,” Paige breathes out, bringing Azzi’s knuckles to her lips, “was I a burden to you last year?”

That gets Azzi to look at her, as a fierceful protectiveness clouds the other girl’s eyes, “of course not P. You could never be a burden.”

“Then how the fuck, did you ever think Azzi, that you could be a burden to me?”

Azzi’s bottom lip trembles, a fresh set of tears threatening to fall from her eyes. And then she’s falling off the bed, straight into Paige’s arms, hands tightening around the older girl’s neck as she buries her face in her chest.

“I’ve got you baby,” Paige whispers into her hair, her own eyes stinging as she runs her hands up and down the shaking brunette’s back, “I’m right here. I’ll always be right here.”

She doesn’t know how long she sits on the floor, tank top a little soaked from all of Azzi’s tears but she doesn’t move until Azzi stills herself in her arms, having basically cried herself to sleep. Paige gets up slowly, trying her best not to wake up the girl in her arms, as she somehow manages to manoeuvre both of them onto the bed. Azzi lets out a quiet whimper, snuggling further into Paige’s side.

Staring down at the vulnerable girl in front of her, Paige finally lets her own tears fall, biting her lip and almost drawing blood, to keep herself from making a sound. A lot of things had gone wrong in the last year but it was all supposed to have been worth it this year when they’d finally get to live out the dream they’d been dreaming since they’d first met, the dream to play together. And now that's gone, for now at least. But as Azzi subconsciously runs a hand down Paige’s arm, her sixth sense alerts even in sleep that her girlfriend needs comfort, Paige thinks, at least they have each other. Because as she lies down next to Azzi, pulling her girlfriend closer to her chest, she knows she’s never letting go.

4. this was the very first page, not where the storyline ends

Paige swears she’s only closed her eyes for 10 seconds when the baby monitor goes off again. Loud screaming fills the entirety of the master bedroom, as she groans into her pillow. For the most part, her twins are angels on earth. Except when the clock passes 3 a.m and they seem to get possessed by demons that make them scream bloody murder until one of their moms picks them up.

“Azzi,” she whines into her pillow, reaching over to lightly smack her wife’s arm, “your children are awake.”

She doesn’t need to see the younger woman’s face to know that even with sleep in every corner of her eye, Azzi is currently shooting Paige the most exasperated glare possible.

“Suddenly they’re my kids? Gosh Paige I wish you’d told me that before I put your name on the fucking birth certificate,” Azzi quips as she rolls out of bed and Paige immediately missed the warmth next to her, “if you’re not up in five minutes to help me with this, I swear to god I will divorce your ass.”

“How are you awake enough to threaten me like that right now?” Paige mumbles, sighing to herself as she separates from her beloved bed. The tiredness hits her the moment she stands up and she almost keels over, until a strong arm wraps around her waist. And despite the ridiculous time, despite the noise that is still echoing throughout their room, despite the fact that she can barely see her in this darkness, as soon as Paige can feel Azzi’s skin underneath her fingertip, she can’t help but press her lips against her wife’s. Paige almost, almost loses herself in the kiss until there's a shriek, too loud to ignore.

“What if we didn’t put a baby monitor in their room anymore,” she mutters against Azzi’s lips, eliciting a small laugh from her wife as she entwines their hands together, practically dragging Paige from the master bedroom into the twin’s shared nursery.

Miles and Sienna are both standing in their cots, facing each other and screaming their heads off as if they’re in some sort of who can ruin our moms night better competition and if Paige wasn’t one of the moms in question, she’d probably find the scenario a tad bit more amusing. Shaking her head, she walks towards Miles as Azzi goes towards Sienna and it’s a little bit ridiculous how quickly the cries begin to subside. She’d never admit it but secretly Paige loves how quickly the twins calm down as soon as they see their mothers, even if it is after yelling at an ungodly hour in the morning. They’re too young to be able to say the words, and so Paige is pretty sure this is their way of making sure Mommy and Mama know how much Miles and Sienna love them.

“Hey buddy,” Paige coos as she picks Miles up, his tearful face breaking out into a magnificent grin, “didn’t feel like letting us sleep again huh kid?”

Miles doesn’t say anything, just smiles as he makes grabby hands for Paige’s face. She’s learned it’s one of his favourite things to do with her or Azzi, reach for them and use his tiny fingers to caress their faces. It’s like he’s memorising how they feel and Paige can’t help but lean into his touch. Behind her she can hear Sienna giggling and when she turns around, she’s not surprised to find Azzi pressing kisses all over their daughter’s face. And she doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of seeing this vision, the love of her life interacting with their kids.

“Muh,” Miles manages to spit out the minute he spots Azzi, jostling in Paige’s arms, clearly eager to get to his other mother. The sound gets Sienna’s attention and her face widens as she spots Paige. Laughing, Paige and Azzi share a secret smile as they swap children. Miles immediately buries his face into his favourite spot in the crease between Azzi’s neck and shoulder and Sienna’s immediately enamoured with Paige’s blond hair, chubby finger combing through it as she looks at her mother in awe.

“You’re wide awake aren’t you Si-Si,” Paige whispers, laughing when Sienna nods. She walks them over to the couch, Azzi and Miles following behind. As soon as both Paige and Azzi are seated, Miles and Sienna are reaching for each other, babbling silly nonsense and giggling. Paige doesn’t know a lot about babies but she’s pretty certain her twins have their own secret language they speak to each other in.

Their family of four settles into the couch, that’s bound to be dented soon by the constant weight of all four of them on it every night. It’s unlikely any of them will return to their own beds, unlikely Paige and Azzi will even get any more sleep tonight. Over the top of the twins' head, Paige eyes meet Azzi’s. They’re droopy with sleep, but crinkled from the way she’s smiling and Paige is still as much in love with them now, as she was an eternity ago.

“I love you,” she whispers, just because she can.

Azzi’s smile widens, one hand navigating through their children between them to hold Paige’s, “I love you more.”

“I love you the most,” Paige counters and Azzi shakes her head as she squeezes Paige’s hand.

It’s a silly little thing but they wouldn’t be Paige and Azzi if they didn’t bicker over it just a little bit. Because at the end of the day they both know, there's no one they’d rather fall asleep with, no one they'd rather stay awake with, no one they’d rather be on this journey of life with, other than each other.

#pazzi #paige bueckers #azzi fudd #wcbb

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gguk-n · 2 days

Text

Renewed Passion (Lewis Hamilton x Reader)

Summary- What happens when you meet your right person, wrong time after 18 years of actively avoiding him? Will the love that stayed dormant bloom in full spring or stay dormant? Will you give your heart a chance or will you listen to your brain?

I wanted to make this as cohesive as possible. Sorry if it's not. Google translated Italian. Kinda fucking long lmao. Implied smut.

mio dolce bambino- my sweet child

Amore- Love

Il moroso- Sweetheart

[Reader's POV]

I opened the door to my neighbours house and walked right into the kitchen. Manuela was making pasta. It was our traditional bi-annual movie night with the Antonelli's. Our families have been neighbours and friends for generations. Me and Manuela had grown closer after she married Marco, so close in fact, that she made me Andrea's god mother when he was born.

Speak of the devil, Andrea walked into the kitchen and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. Andrea was on track to becoming a F1 driver. He had the passion and drive in him. I've watched him race a couple times. But I try to keep my distance from race tracks. "I missed you, zia" Kimi exclaimed. I smiled at him patting his back, "aww, I missed you too" "I wouldn't have, if you came to the race." he pouted. "Everyone had come. It was literally the home race and you didn't" he sulked. "I'm sorry sweetheart. I just had a lot of work" I reasoned while giving him a hug. The real reason I didn't go to the race wasn't work and it made me feel like a shitty aunt for not being there for this kid, I considered my own.

"Toto and the Mercedes team met me, again." Kimi announced. I looked at him quizzically. "If you had been present in your nephew's life, you would know." he chided. I apologised and asked him to elaborate. "Well, Toto needs another driver on the grid for Mercedes." he said. "Oh, does Lewis need a new teammate." I asked. "For someone who's nephew is a F2 driver, you know nothing about the sport." he declared. "You know I don't enjoy sports." I reasoned. Actually I stopped watching F1 after 2007. "Actually, Lewis is moving to Ferrari next year, so Toto needs another driver next year with Russel." I was shocked. "Zia, are you listening?" Kimi asked. "Oh, yeah, sorry." I apologised. "You have to come to the Monaco race." he demanded. "You know I'm so busy and I don't even get the race, it'll be so annoying for you." I tried to convince him. He was having none of that. Sadly, I was emotionally black mailed into attending the race in Monaco.

The race weekend was in full swing, Manuela was busy and couldn't make it, so I had to be present for the whole weekend with Marco. Formula one were honouring Ayrton Senna. I was forced by Kimi on to the paddock. With my luck, I almost immediately ran into Sebastian as Kimi left me alone to greet his friends. "Y/N?" Sebastian squinted at me. I smiled and walked towards him, raising my hand with a smile, "Yeah, that's me, Sebastian." I said. He shook my hand. "It's been so long, when did I last see you?" he asked, getting lost in thought. "Macau Grand Prix, 2005" I said. His eyes widened. "I'm surprised, you even recognised me." I laughed. "I don't think I can forget, you and Lewis were insufferable. Both of you made sure we felt lonely." he reminisced. I faked a laugh, "Yeah, that was so long ago. How've you been?" I asked trying to change the topic. "I've been good. I retired." he said. "I heard. That was a good run." I nodded along to my words. "What brings you here?" he quizzed. "My god-son is a F2 racer. He dragged me here." I replied. "Really?? Who is it? Do I know him?" he questioned. "I'm not sure if you do, but Kimi Antonelli is my god-son." I explained. "The 17 year old Toto is after." he chuckled. "It was nice meeting you. See you around Y/N" Sebastian said while leaving after being summoned.

I walked around the paddock. This was my first time in Monaco. I had been able to avoid most of Kimi's races when he was younger since he would believe whatever I said. As he grew older, it kept getting even more difficult since he is quite persistent and tenacious when he wants something; traits you want in a racer not your nephew.

I enjoyed the cool wind blowing through the paddock until I heard Kimi, "Zia" he shouted out to me. I turned around to see Kimi running towards me, "I want you to meet someone." he said dragging me to where he came from. We stopped in front of the man I spent the past 18 years avoiding. "Zia, this is Lewis Hamilton. Lewis this is my god-mother, Y/N Y/L/N." he introduced us. Lewis was always and will always be the love of my life. I kept up with the sport enough to know what he did. Eventually, I stopped obsessing over it. He slowly faded into my memories. He was the reason I never paid any attention to F1. I avoided it as much as possible. He was my right person, wrong place. I never truly moved on from him, I mulled over my thoughts as I was snapped out of them to quickly raise my hand towards him. He shook my hand. It was still slightly rough from all the years of driving; tears pricked my eyes.

Kimi couldn't stop gushing about me to Lewis. His eyes seemed so familiar yet so unknown. The years had treated him well, having won the World Driver's Championship 7 times and ageing like fine wine; I thought. I had lost track of what the conversation in front of me was until Kimi excused himself and asked me to keep Lewis company till he returned. My mouth hung open to protest as Kimi walked away. "You'll catch a fly, darling." Lewis said while using his index finger to close my mouth. I moved back from the sudden touch. "Do you still hate me?" he asked with a pained expression. I could never hate you Lewis, those words remained in my throat. "No" I mumbled. "That's a relief. I hope you only remember the good times." he stated hopefully. I just smiled at him. "I should get going" I announced, turning around until I felt a hand wrapped around my wrists, "Aren't you supposed to be in the Mercedes hospitality" he asked softly. I hated it when he was right. I turned around with a forced smile; "It's my first time in Monaco, I gonna walk around for a bit." I said pulling my hand away from him. "Then I can walk with you, since I've been living here for years" he exclaimed. "If I wanted to walk around with my ex, I would've said so." I stated firmly; walking away swiftly. This was going to be a long weekend.

After walking around for a while and tiring myself out, I met up with Marco who was in deep conversation with Toto. Both of them greeted me and Marco introduced me to Toto. I was a casual spectator in on their conversation when Lewis joined in. Marco knew of the history me and Lewis shared, he would be on the receiving end of my pining. They must've ran into each other at some point; did he never mention me? or Ask about me to Lewis; I wondered. "You look bored" broke me out of my thought, Lewis's lips extremely close to my ear. I shifted to the side, almost falling from losing my balance.I braced my self for the impact that never came, strong arms enveloped me, pulling me close. Time slowed as I found myself locked in gaze with my saviour. I could feel his breath against my face; a sense of warmth spread though my stomach. "You okay" he murmured softly. It was like time had stopped. My eyes slowly darted to the two other men in front of; I quickly pushed Lewis away and straightened myself. "I'm fine. Thank you for catching me. I'm gonna go get some water" I rambled, excusing myself to the refreshments. I almost sprinted to the table, grabbing a bottle; when Lewis took it from me and handed me back an opened bottle. "Still as clumsy as I remember" Lewis chuckled. I gulped the water down. This was not how I imagined ever running into my ex. Let's hope the weekend ends without any more trouble.

I was ready to leave mid-way through the day, but Kimi had a tight hold on my arm as he took me along to introduce me to his friends. I had brought some cookies and treats as a present for the other boys. They all seemed quite well mannered, I must say, for a bunch of teenager. Even when me and Lewis dated, it was like we had magnets attached to us, we'd always be gravitating towards each other. My eyes met Lewis's for a split second before I brought my attention back to Oliver Bearmen, a good friend of Kimi's.

Flashback

"Come on, Y/N. I don't wanna go alone." Mia, my roommate moaned. "Then don't go" I chided. The look of shock on her face was priceless. "Those tickets were fucking expensive and you said you'd do anything for me." she pleaded. "yeah, anything means anything around the house. You know I don't even like racing, it's so" I stopped looking for a better word but none came to mind "boring" I continued. "You did not just say that" she replied in disbelief. That's how I ended up at a Formula Renault UK race in Silverstone in 2003.

Mia had gotten us good seats, I decided to find some snacks to entertain me during the race so I excused myself to the stands to grab something. On the way there, I ran into a man. I braced myself for the fall instead two arms wrapped themselves around my waist steading me and pulling me closer. I opened my eyes to be face to face with a pair of chocolate brown eyes. My heart lurched into my chest. "You okay" he asked. "I'm fine" I replied still in his arms. "As much as I would love to have you in my arms, I have some where to be" he stated. Embarrassed, I fixed myself up. "Thank you..." I looked at him expectantly to say his name. "Lewis, Lewis Hamilton" he replied extending his arm out. "Thank you, Lewis. Y/N" I said while shaking his hand. "You're here for the race, right?" he asked. "Sadly, yes" I responded. A playful smile played across lips at the answer, "well then, let's meet after it's done?" he asked hopefully. "Sure, at least I have something to look forward too" I smiled. "I'll try to make the race eventful" he called out as he ran away.

I didn't know the guy I ran into was a racer. Only found that out when he won the race and was called on the podium. I decided to return to the same place we had the collision, in hopes of running into him again. I waited around until I heard someone call out my name; there stood a very sweaty and wreaked of champaign Lewis. "Congratulations" I commented. "Thank you" he replied. "Didn't take you for a racer" I cocked my eyebrow at him. "Did you like the race?" he asked with a cocky grin on his face. "Not really" I chuckled. "Well I can make it up to you, if you would like me to" he questioned. "And how would you do that?" I asked. "Go on a date with me" he asked with the softest and brightest eyes. "You drive a hard bargain, Mr Hamilton" I replied. I acted like I was thinking before I agreed to go out with him.

Present time

"Earth to zia, you there?" Kimi asked. "Yeah, what were you boys saying, again?" I asked. "Do you have a crush on Lewis?" he whispered in my ear. "What?" I almost screamed. "You've been staring at him the whole time we were talking" he pointed out. Fuck, that's gonna be so embarrassing for me. "You know, he is single and your age. Do you want me to ask him for you?" he wiggled his eyebrows at me. "No no, I just got lost in thought." God, this is going to be tough. "Zia, look he's coming here. Act natural." Before I could comprehend what he meant, I was being greeted by Lewis for the third time today. Can this day end already? "You still find races boring?" he whispered in my ear. I pushed him away, Kimi was staring. "Yes, I hate races" I stated boldly. "Maybe I can change your mind." he teased. "No, thank you. If you will excuse me. Bambino" I tapped Kimi's shoulder, "I'm gonna go get something to eat. Would you like anything?" He said he didn't want anything so I left to get some food.

The day ended with me thankfully no longer running into Lewis anymore. But I did enjoy watching Kimi during free practise. He finished P8 and I consoled him by saying that they were just figuring stuff out and how everything worked. He seemed to cheer up and we ended up having dinner at a restaurant near by. The city was lit up with the hustle and bustle of the race. I saw a couple more racers and people asking for their autograph. I teased Kimi about forgetting me when he's a formula one driver and being too rich and famous for me. He looked appalled at the suggestion. The night came to a close with us back in our rooms and back in bed but sleep wasn't going to come to me this easy.

Flashback

Lewis was finally back from the races. Following him around was proving itself to be quite challenging while being a full time uni student. I decided to make the most of the little time we had together by dragging him around to an arcade, to the mall and lastly my couch so that we could watch Finding Nemo. Lewis was willing to entertain all my childish demands, I realised. We were cuddled up together, our legs intertwined, one of Lewis's hand was under my head and the other rubbing my hand. "You're distracting me, Amore" I muttered. "Pay attention to me them" he pouted. I turned my head around and pecked his lips, slowly turning my body around to face him. I cupped his cheeks; "I missed you" I mumbled against his lips, kissing him again. He pulled me closer by my waist, deepening the kiss. "I missed you too" he whispered against my neck as he left open mouth kisses down to my chest. His hand squeezed my ass, while his lips started suck on one spot. He pushed me against the sofa and took his shirt off in one swift motion.

Present Time

Okay, I need to stop thinking about Lewis, especially naked Lewis. This isn't helping my situation at all. Why am I acting like a teenager? This was starting to get humiliating for me.

After a troubled sleep, morning seem to come very late. I was pulled out of bed by Kimi who was very annoyed that I was still in bed. I quickly got dressed and met Kimi back at the paddock. I spent the whole day following Marco around like a lost puppy. I didn't even see Lewis the whole day. I guess the schedules don't match for F1 and F2. Part of me hoped to see him. I found myself searching the paddock for him. At the end of day I returned back to the hotel heartbroken.

Sunday was my last day in Monaco, Kimi did okay at the sprint. I congratulated him none the less. We decided to go out for dinner and it would be my treat. "I just wanted to do well, for you" Kimi sulked. "You did well, sweetheart. I'm so proud of you. You've come so far, mio dolce bambino" I said giving him a hug and pat on his back. I told him to rest and then we'll head out for dinner. I was looking for Marco to confirm the plan with him, when I saw Lewis, who looked visibly annoyed. "Hey" I waved at him. I saw him visibly relax and wave back at me. I found myself walking towards him, "Everything okay?" I asked. "Yeah, it's nothing. Just team issues" he huffed. "Sorry about that. I hope you can resolve it" I reassured. "Is this why you're moving to Ferrari, next year?" I questioned. "You know" he looked shocked. I laughed, "Kind of hard to miss, when Toto is actively pursuing my god-son." I chucked. "One of the reasons" he added. "Well, I hope you find success" I smiled at him. "Can I hug you?" he asked hopefully. I nodded and opened my arms for him, he found himself wrapping his arms around my waist. The sensation was so familiar, it didn't feel like we were hugging after 18 years. I started rubbing his back, whispering reassurances.

"How long are you here for?" he asked while pulling away from the hug. "I'll leave tomorrow morning." I replied. "You live in Italy?" he queried. I nodded. "Stay, for a few more days. I just, I've missed you" he announced. I bit my lip, "Do you remember why we broke up?" Lewis seemed to think for a moment.

Flashback

"Il moroso" I croaked, my voice hoarse from the screaming match we were having. "No, Y/N I don't get it. Why is it so hard for you to be there for me? It's the least I can ask for?" Lewis yelled. We had been going back and forth, I was in my third year of university and going to all his races while trying to pass the semester and doing an internship was proving to be difficult. It had put a strain on our relationship. He was only in the junior championships and required travelling a lot, I couldn't imagine how much he would be travelling once he was a formula one driver. I hadn't been to a race in a couple months and it was not something I was able to do as often as Lewis wished with the time and financial constraint. In all of this Lewis had seemed to forget that I had a life of my own that I was trying to build while in a foreign country trying to pursue my bachelors.

"Love, you know I can't make it to all the races" I reasoned. "Well, the others can. Some how you're the only one who is so fucking busy" he emphasised. I let out a sigh trying to calm myself down. "I really wanna be there for you Lew, but it's just not possible right now. I landed the best interning job for my degree. It'll help me with my future" I justified. "Your job is more important than me" he probed. I could feel the tears ready to fall, "No, it's not. But you're acting like yours is" I explained. He let out a strained laugh, "Just say it, you don't care about me" "You're putting words in my mouth" I argued. "There are no words to be put, when that's how you feel" he taunted. I ran a hand through my hair, almost pulling at my scalp; "Damn it, Lewis, I fucking love you and I want to be there for you. But you are behaving like a child" I called out. "If I am such a child, then break up with me" he snarled. We had fought before but never like this. We never even joked about breaking up. "I just want to support you and watch you succeed. But that doesn't mean I'll get to do that beside you at all time, I have a life of my own too, you know" I tried to reason with him. "I will succeed, whether I have you around or not. I can't be with someone who can't prioritise me" he said. I faked a laugh, "Ha, says the guy who can't see past his stupid cars, you know what Lewis, I hope you succeed, I truly do. But I also hope you miss me and yearn for the woman that supported you through so much every time you succeed." I declared. "Now, leave my fucking house. We're through" I shouted while pushing him out before my tears started to fall.

I spent the next few days crying, moping around, eating a shit ton of ice cream and having Marco console me. That man really heard me pine and crib for months. The only time I was truly happy during those sad months was Andrea's birth and being asked to be his god-mother. I took those duties very seriously. That kid helped me move on from my first adult relationship and heart break.

Present Day

I've dated multiple men after Lewis, but no one stuck. I never even settled down because deep down my heart was still stuck on him. I kept up with Lewis's life until I graduated and slowly lost the time to keep up with formula one. When I heard he had won his first world championship, I was in London, working at my 9-5 when my colleague ran to me to announce that a Brit was the latest world champion. I saw his face plastered on the news and felt some sort of relief, watching him succeed like he said he would. I had almost forgotten about it all, until Kimi joined the Mercedes drivers academy. I had kept my space from all his races after he transitioned to single seat racing.

"You know what you said, the day we broke up, came true" he uttered. I gazed inquisitively. "About me succeeding, but missing you" he stated. I looked at him in disbelief for a moment, before the words came back to me, I placed a hand on my chest in shock, "I didn't mean" I said before I was cut off by "I know you didn't. But I did miss you a lot whenever I won a race or for that matter my championships." he smiled at me, reminiscing all those moments. I smiled at him sadly. "I'm sorry for ruining your wins" I mumbled. "You didn't ruin them. But" he said with a glimmer in his eyes, "there's a way you can make it up to me" I peered at him with uncertainty. "Go on a date with me" he said. "Lewis" I responded. "Y/N" he replied. "You remember why we broke up, I still have a job that I love and my life has really worked out in my favour" I commented. "So do I. However, you can not" he stressed, "cannot hold what I said at 21 against me." he announced. I ruminated on that thought for a moment, "Ok, but this is your last chance." "Love, do you take me for a fool? I would never let this opportunity go. I'll never repeat the mistakes of my past, I promise" he said while holding both my hands in his. I leaned in and pecked his cheek. "I'll stay back in Monaco for a couple more days. This is your chance to convince me why I should date you?" I stated. "You'll know that you want me in a couple of hours." he grinned. "Don't get too cocky Mr Hamilton" I smirked. He just leaned in with his breath fanning my skin, "Can I kiss you, darling?" he requested. "You gotta earn it, Hamilton" I teased. "I've waited for so long for this" he mumbled. "Then you can wait a little longer" I giggled. I felt a pair of hands against my waist. "I could've if you weren't this close" he said with our lips almost touching, he intently eyed them. "Maybe one won't hurt" I thought loudly, my resolve breaking. "Thought so" he chuckled, while leaning in to kiss me.

I might do a part 2, but like if you guys want one. I know where I want to go with this, if i write another part. If you like this lemme know, it'll encourage me to write the next part then thank you for reading!! Hope you liked it!!

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