#I feel like I need a in depth explanation but oh well

[lazarus-harp]

I think A LOT about what the survivors do post-season. would nikita try and pretend that nothings happened? would mat watch the videos the dead made to humanize those who had to die for him to survive?

you're the survivor connoisseur, what do you think?

for one, i'm very flattered to be seen as the 'survivor connoisseur'! so thank you immensely for the kind words. and secondly, oh boy, this question couldn't of come at a better time ... considering how much post canon mat & nikita have been pingponging around my head! i'll try to be as coherent as possible, but if a lot of this is pure word vomit then i do apologize. it is merely the passion taking over haha.

nikita is someone who fascinates me greatly in the aftermath, because there's a level of realism within her that's lacking in mat. but it's cynicism mixed with denial! she doesn't believe they can bring everyone back i don't think, or at least that's what she tells herself over and over again. a mantra. a safety net. she is so scared to hope and she's even more scared of what might come after that ; there's a sense of shame inherent in her when faced with colleen's bitter coldness. unlike mat, she is all too aware of her horrible actions and what might follow. an awful nightmare of, even if i saved them, would they forgive me? would they want me around? would things be the same? and nikita knows the answer, or at least thinks she does. so much of her post everlock is trapped inside this in-between, which naturally makes her come off as wishy washy and contradictory. a perfect fit for her bizarre behavior in s4. she's willing to go through with the rescue mission because her desire aligns with mat's, yet she staunchly refuses to wallow in grief. she accepts people have died ( in her memorial to manny and roi, via the tear tattoos ) and has made progress in finding a life outside the death games, via bretman. she nurses her new best friend close and yet mostly keeps him separate from everything everlock has touched and tarnished. i like to imagine bretman is her secret and crutch for moving forward, into a future that won't ever have manny again. he acts almost like a replacement in her heart. makes that loss hurt a little less. and i also think matthew can tell that's what it's about, naturally causing some resentment on his end ... because to him, manny can't be replaced. nobody can. it's why we have to do this, nikita! in lots of ways, he views her more 'healthy' behavior as her giving up on this, on them, and he loathes it.

but, obviously, nikita's behavior isnt healthy and mat ( in typical him fashion, where it concerns her ) is completely misreading her actions. nikita isn't acting callously, she's just scared. it's not about forgetting or pretending, it's a matter of selfish safety she's more hellbent on having than ever before. putting her heart out there only for it to be crushed beneath the grim world she now knows they're apart of? putting hope out there, indulging in wishful thinking and fantasy, just for those dreams to be taken from her, again? it's staggering losses she's nervous to take, and she's already made this mistake with manny ; believing he could live despite the odds, trusting in a faulty system, seeing a light at the end of the tunnel that would have them stepping out into the morning together ... but she was wrong. manny surviving all those challenges, even ones he shouldn't have, was nothing more than being lucky. a fluke, if she could be that cruel and discredit his skills so easily. in the end, he was still ripped away, in a way so horrible, nikita might secretly wish he would've just died beforehand. hope and optimism are soiled for her, reality is all that's left. you see this no nonsense attitude from her a lot in s3 to begin with! she's keenly aware of their time limit and keeps their group moving onward, sparing little theatrics on the dead bodies of innocents paving their way. vocally acknowledges that whoever was chosen to be brought back could arrive pissed and vengeful, openly calling attention to the fact it's likely for vendettas to breed when the game they're playing isn't blameless. really, the troublemaker is more calculated and clever than most fans give her credit for, in my opinion. these are traits normally passed over to mat instead, despite his intense emotions getting the best of him multiple times in the show! he is prone to listen to his heart and his grievances, weaponizing grudges when he deems it fitting while nikita is forced to swallow them, and really let them go because emotions hinder her determination and path forward. it's no different here ... except isn't it? just a little bit? nikita falters under her own desires for things to be as they were and she can't fully fight the need to see manny again, or to save the day when she feels responsible for so much pain that night.

though this goes against some core traits of hers and i think that's where the struggle really lies. i want to see manny, but what if he hates me? would i rather live in a world where he can hate me or would i rather stay in one where he'll never get that chance? very selfish of her, i suppose, to potentially value those things over an entire human life, but it's so realistic and human i can't help but sympathize. especially when she sets aside everything she thinks anyway! the troublemaker goes into purgatory knowing it might fail, and that if it does, it's going to reopen every wound she's haphazardly stuck bandaids over. she knows bretman might see her for who she truly is, a liar and a killer and a betrayer and someone who can't love another enough, and forces him to come because fine, it's the end isn't it? and most importantly nikita goes in thinking she could be turned on and hated and this is exactly the reality she faces with colleen, leaving her frustrated, and angry, and turning her shame into vitriol just like before. post s4, with bretman pissed at her, mat broken, joey gone, and everything destroyed again ... nikita then has little else to do ( in her mind ) except to move on for good this time. here might come the pretending act : shrugging off devastating losses and a world full of horror, settling into strange contentment after everything. a false calm, but one she'd wear perfectly nonetheless. would probably quit the society and go back to mundane things, like shopping sprees and creation. live a quiet life. everlock, purgatory, and the year between nothing more than the teardrops on her face and a man she still can't rid herself of. she can't look colleen or bretman in the eye. little things carry over into her manicured life : a refusal to wear pink despite forever adorning blonde hair, never holding the cool steel of a gun in two hands, doesn't say “i love you,” anymore, and plenty of other burdens. but she tries to ignore these signs as much as possible.

still, nikita seems healthy when compared to mat! at least there's a level of acceptance from her, at least she no longer holds the dead. maybe she's too keen on shoving them away now -- but maybe it's a better alternative, when paired with the detective's obsession with them? so much of mat post s3 or even post s4 to me is about his love and desperation outweighing logic, reality, and whatever else stands in his way. stubborn in all the wrong ways for all the wrong reasons. he is a character who needs to be loved and he found a group ( as imperfect as it was ) who adored him so much they wouldn't even let him stay dead. it's a turning point he can't go back from, because now mat owes these people everything. it doesn't matter to him that, really, only safiya and joey brought him back ... because when he stumbled through that door, everyone was so happy. they smiled and grabbed at him and it's probably the most welcome he's ever felt! it's a warmth he won't ever feel again but is chasing. so unlike nikita he can't play into denial. he can't move on or confront what'll happen if he fails. he can't fail, not again, because mat has to save somebody and he has to make the pain worth it. he was killed by the strongman? well, at least it wasn't manny, at least it wasn't permanent, at least mat came back to nothing but love and affection, and how could he ever trade that for anything? all his friends died because of a game they were forced to play? well, mat's out of everlock, he's free, he doesn't need to play by invisible rules anymore and he can bring everyone back and they can be together, and then the suffering will pale in comparison to the reunion awaiting them, right? it's scary for him to consider death and what it means : being forgotten, having everything you've done amount to nothing, laying in the dark of some terrible night all alone, permeant. so he does whatever he can to rebel against these fears that he believes are universal, but are merely his own. he'll get his hands on everything his group was in ( pictures, videos, articles, ) and he'll religiously consume them to remember. he'll think of them always, as ghosts in the corner of his eye, and will never do a single action without thinking about them in some way, to make them still amount to something beyond the veil. he'll heroically save them from a permanent slumber, like they did for him, so they can lay in the sun or in the comfort of a shared room and they can be permanently alive, at least for now. it's loving and it's devotional and it shows how deeply matthew cares and how big his heart is, but it's selfish too.

mat is preventing himself from pain this way, necessary pain. he's stalling the grieving process by entertaining a world in which they'll all be saved and will be able to move on together. he's leaving his wounds open and prodding at them so they won't ever close because finding a life outside of this is horrifying for him. and reasonably so! he died, and now he's just back? he's supposed to ... what, exist? be his old self? what's the protocol for revival? is he allowed to mourn someone he still is, or is he meant to pretend it's a life continued rather than a brand new one? scary ideas, scary theories, not a single guiding hand in sight. clinging to everlock and who he was then is safe, it's who he is now. except, is it? or is that the identity he's carved for himself because facing this world with brand new eyes makes him want to die? how can he move on from the very place he died in? it doesn't seem fair! or ... right. it's unnatural and mat is confused and he's floundering. clinging is all he can think to do. this also shuts him off from forming new connections or rekindling with old ones and that's safe too, not having to look at someone and think about if they'd survive the vote. if they could make it to the end with him, if it ever happened again. it also doesn't help that mat just has a chronic 'i'm a good guy!' problem and if he can undo everything he won't have to confront the fact he's not as perfect as he thought he was. like, while nikita is scared of hope and what it might do to her, mat is scared to look in the mirror and acknowledge he'd do anything to survive. that he's callous and cruel, that he's someone who would save his own skin rather than sacrifice himself for another. that's not who he is -- was? identity is a huge part of his conflict here!

it's a big bag of worms! there's many complexities at play, butting heads with their new natures and desires ... with each other too, clearly. mat obsessively drowns in the past and only works towards his ideal future ( i don't even think s4's failure would deter him ) and everything else just falls in-between. nikita lives life normally for once and maybe tentatively branches out to find new friends again, just because it's a sign she's making progress and it's something that'll show mat that moving on is possible, thanks. ways of dealing that take them down different roads eventually but they'll never let each other go so there's that new constant at least! and they're both actively hiding all the while, whether they know it or not. tragic!

anyway, i know this is ungodly long and ramble-y but i do hope it somewhat answered your question! i know i mostly talked about their mindsets and inner workings rather than what they specifically do in the aftermath, but! i think you can infer a lot based on their mindsets here. like, oh mat would rather start a scrapbook full of dead people's photos he's lovingly collected versus ... taking up journaling. nikita would rather follow an online course on cooking just because she's bored as fuck versus ... reaching out to the society so she can train with swords again. that kinda thing <3

[luveline]

could you write bau!reader x aaron, reader is pregnant and baby is so restless and kicking a lot as reader is at her desk working and aaron is the only one who can calm baby down

ty for requesting <3 pregnant!reader, 1k

“Woh,” you mumble, almost clipping your head on your desk as you lean forward. “Oh, my gosh.” 

“What’s wrong, mama?” 

You wave your free hand weakly at Derek, the other to your bump. “Nothing’s wrong, handsome.” 

Derek laughs warmly and stands from his chair. “I don’t believe you. Come on, tell me what’s wrong. Or I’ll go get the big man and he can force it out of you himself.” 

Hotch’s never forced anything out of you, but he has kissed a confession from you before. He could do it again easily. 

You right yourself as the baby’s rampant kicking makes you feel as though you’ll pee your pants. “Derek, there’s some crazy stuff happening inside of me right now.” 

He smiles at you fondly. “I bet there is.” 

“She’s kicking the shit out of me.” Sitting up, your back twinges and relaxes, the weight of your baby bump spreading out. You’re very pregnant and the baby is extremely active. She kicks pretty much 24/7 these last few days, and it’s driving you crazy. “Do you wanna feel?” 

Derek presents his hand for feeling. You stand up, and Derek lays a hand across your bump. You don’t have to move it anywhere: the second he touches you, he can no doubt feel the baby’s aggressiveness. She’s aiming her little feet almost like she knows where your most fragile organs are. 

One rough kick has Derek taking back his hand. “She’s beating you up, mama.” 

“She hates me.” 

“She doesn’t hate you,” Spencer says, twirling in his chair to give one of his innocuous tidbits of information, “babies kick for all sorts of reasons. They kick when they’re hungry, or after you’ve just eaten because of the extra glucose shared via the placenta. Sometimes they kick because they can feel sensation through your skin.” 

Spencer stands up. You raise your brows. “You wanna feel?” you ask. 

He grins and offers his hand. You take it and place it against the baby’s restless feet, smiling at Spencer’s smile, a little enchanted by how fascinated he seems. At Spencer’s touch, she starts to kick quickly like she had been with Derek, and eventually you have to move his hand in the hopes she’ll stop. She slows, but the occasional stretch pokes at your stomach. You can see the distension of her limb even through your shirt. 

“She’s really going for it today,” you say. “Maybe I had too much brown sugar in my oatmeal.” 

“You know babies can tell the difference between hands?” Spencer asks. 

“I sort of guessed,” you say distractedly, rubbing at the baby’s kicking with the crest of your palm. “She doesn’t act like this with Hotch.” 

“Good to know he has that effect on everyone,” Derek says with a laugh. 

“I might go and ask him to make her stop. I’m gonna need a change of clothes if she doesn’t.” 

Derek laughs again, full-bellied, his arm wrapping around your shoulders in a pitying hug. “Aw, sweetheart, you’ll be okay. Just two more months and this will all be over.” 

“Well, you never know. The longest overdue pregnancy in human history was almost a hundred days, that’s more than an extra three months.” 

“Spencer!” you say, not truly shouting, but your volume escaping you as the horror of a year long pregnancy sinks in. “Don’t jinx me.” 

Your loud voice, or perhaps Derek’s roaring laughter, draws the attention of JJ and Hotch, who appear from the depths of his office with matching curious expressions. JJ begins down the steps to the bullpen, while Hotch stays at the balcony waiting for an explanation. 

“Baby Hotchner’s giving it large,” Derek says, rubbing your upper arm. 

“She won’t stop,” you complain, relieved to see your stern husband. “Can you come and set her straight?” 

You aren’t always so quick to complain to him, but this is too much. It feels as though she’s about to start doing spin kinks against your spine —it’s honestly the most she’s ever moved. When you were just a few weeks pregnant you’d longed for her to wriggle and show you a sign that she could feel you, but now you’d appreciate a few minutes of calm. 

Hotch follows JJ down obligingly, and he, surrounded by your curious coworkers and colleagues, without any hesitation (but certainly some care), slips his hand under your blouse to feel at his baby’s sharp kicking. He presses against what might be a foot for a few moments, his smile barely hidden, his palm warm. 

“She really is giving it large,” he says, the deep softness of his voice like a signal. 

The baby’s kicks soften, until, barely ten seconds later, they stop. Your spine ceases vibrating, and you can finally stand there without having to press your thighs together. 

“Thank you,” you say, holding Hotch’s elbow. He’s well and truly saved you. 

He rubs your stomach with his thumb. His dark eyes stay set on your bump. “You’re welcome.” 

“I guess baby just missed her dad,” JJ says. 

You look at Spencer. He doesn’t say anything. “No correction?” you ask. 

“No,” he says, pouting that you’d ask. “Either she missed the sound of his voice, or your reaction to seeing him has calmed her down. That’s not a big difference.” 

“It’s both, I think,” you say, paused by a big yawn. 

“Are you tired?” Hotch asks. 

“Urgently.” You let yourself sag forward toward him, gesturing for Spencer, Derek and JJ to look away. “Thanks for your help, boys, but I need something no one else can give me.” You collapse into Hotch’s chest for a hug. 

The bump is very much in the way, but he reacts accordingly, ushering your chest to his, cheek pressed gently to your forehead. “She’s exhausted you,” he teases under his breath. 

“She really has.” 

“I love how she settles with me,” he says, rubbing your back for a long, slow handful of seconds, before he pulls away enough to grin at you. “But I suppose she gets that from her mother.” 

“You’re very calming.” 

“So I’ve been told.” 

[sincerelybubbles]

a. hotchner x reader - crawling through your window

i saw someone post about their fav crawling through a window in the rain and the long-form spencer fic is rotting my brain so enjoy hotch crawling through your window <3

i don't think there are any warnings, lmk if that's wrong. also, not proof read, I am back to my usual bullshit

The knock on your door was probably easy to miss. You wouldn’t know, though, because you didn’t hear it.

You were in the kitchen, hunched over the counter, forehead pressed to the cool marble as you debated whether or not another cup of coffee would actually be helpful at this point or just make the buzzing in your head worse. The case had been brutal. Messy, exhausting, the kind that left shadows under everyone’s eyes and an ache in your bones that no amount of stretching could shake.

Nausea builds deep in your navel, a resounding sign that you need to go to sleep, and soon.

You had ignored your phone when it rang earlier. The thought of answering it, of extending your exhaustion into another conversation, had felt impossible. And now, lost in your haze of weariness, you missed the second attempt at contact.

It wasn’t until the faintest creak from somewhere inside your apartment—somewhere that shouldn’t have been occupied—reached your ears that you felt the first tendrils of alarm coil around your spine.

You straightened, heart picking up speed, blood surging in your veins as your mind catalogued the possible explanations. The locked door. The windows—

Your bedroom window had been cracked open to let the storm air in earlier.

And now, standing in the dim light of your apartment, soaked from head to toe, rainwater dripping onto your floor, stood Aaron Hotchner.

Your mouth opened, words tangling, tripping over each other, before settling on a very eloquent:

“What the—Aaron?”

His expression didn’t change. If anything, the faintest flicker of exasperation crossed his features, a barely-there pinch between his brows.

“The door was locked.”

A beat of silence.

You blinked.

“I—” You shook your head, taking a step back like that might help you process this. “Are you breaking into my apartment?”

He sighed, heavy, dripping water like a crime scene in your doorway. “You weren’t answering your phone.”

“…So you climbed through my window?”

“I took the fire escape.”

“Oh, well, that’s so much better.”

You stared at him, stunned, watching the way his soaked dress shirt clung to his arms, how his tie was askew, his hair darkened and sticking to his forehead from the rain. His jacket was nowhere to be seen, and he was standing there, entirely unbothered by the fact that he had just climbed into your apartment in the middle of a downpour like some kind of brooding, law-abiding criminal.

The absurdity of the situation was just shy of sending you into a laughing fit. Instead, you rubbed your hands down your face, exhausted in a way that felt almost separate from the case now.

“I can’t believe you,” you muttered, shaking your head as you finally moved, stepping around him to grab a towel from the hall closet.

When you turned back, he was still watching you, carefully, the way he always did—assessing, reading, cataloguing your reaction. The way you hadn’t been answering your phone. The way you were still drained, that bone-deep exhaustion sitting behind your eyes.

Aaron never failed to make you feel seen - for better or for worse. With your messy hair, smeared makeup, and stained sweats, you're not sure how you feel about the in-depth examination your boyfriend is currently giving you.

Aaron would never do anything to make you feel even remotely uncomfortable or ugly but self-consciousness creeps through you, anyway.

You shoved the towel at him.

“You’re actually insane,” you informed him.

He took it, finally moving to scrub some of the rain from his face and hair. “And you should answer your phone. You know, before I feel the need to crawl through your third-story apartment window to check on you.”

"You can just say you miss me, you know." Teasing him is easier with your back to him, planning on warming him up some tea - coffee was out of the question now that he's here, there's no chance he's letting you caffeinate yourself further.

"I missed you," Aaron says, arms snaking around your waist and nose settling in the curve where your shoulder and neck meet. "And I was worried. And I wanted to ask if I could spend the night before we're thrown back into work tomorrow. Is that wrong?"

Fluttering at the base of your stomach erupts instantly at the tone of his deep voice, tone open, honest, and raw.

"Someone's tired," you say, voice soft, hands reaching up to grasp at his forearms. It's not that Aaron isn't affectionate, far from it, but he usually goads into your teasing, resisting for the fun of the give and take. Instead, he's leaning his weight on you, breathing in your scent heavily.

He also climbed through your window to see you. There's that, too.

"Exhausted. And wet. And now so are you." With a flex you can feel through his soaked dress shirt, Aaron lifts you easily and begins walking backward into your room. "I think that means I'm entitled to a shower."

"Aaron!" You giggle out, leaning back against him in lieu of fighting. Your incredibly loving, handsome, and usually-stern boyfriend is carrying you to the shower - who are you to complain?

[meo-eiru]

*cracks knuckles* here I am again. this time with Micah as my victim

so at first,

you definitely should add some more story to him. so far, if I'm being honest, he feels a bit too plain to me. but oh boy, what a potential I see here!

alright lets begin

omg look at him! such a hypocrite! how smart it is, to put all blame on MC while being just as (actually even more) sinful. and he sure hides well; it's your fault, isn't it? oh you and your sinful mind.

buut despite him not really being my cup of tea, I still do like a good old concept of ugly insides, hidden behind a beautiful shell (if that's the vibe you were going for).

Micah seems so pure, so holy, almost like an angel (you played smart by adding a lot of white in his design) – but behind that pristine facade? he's ugly. and that shell eventually starts to crack, because no matter how pure he may seem, Micah is just as human as we are, and definitely not a good one. and what are we, if not a bunch of cruel, egotistical animals? and deep inside he's exactly that, sickeningly human. with that in mind the very first comic you did abt him is actually pretty hilarious to me. your desires? what about his desires, which are strong enough to ruin your whole life?

I kinda feel like he's also a little pathetic in his own way; if he can't make you fall for him, he will break you. isn't it like a very cowardly move? he wants you badly enough to use whatever method it may require to have you, but will never admit it.

but let's talk about that strange desire to destroy MC's purity. why? to make you just as dirty as he is? cute, but doesn't seem like a full explanation to me. he's a priest, right? and even despite those dark insides of his, I feel like Micah still kept at least some of the priest mindset. I mean, they're raised and taught with a very strict discipline. so I feel like deep down, he feels bad (not ashamed, but in a "how dare they" way) for his attraction to you, and punishes you for that attraction. it's not your fault, of course, but who cares? you managed to destroy his perfect, clean facade, which he was methodically building for his whole life with simply your existence. isn't that unfair? so now you must fall into the depths of hell with him.

I like how we can't justify him. Micah is perfectly aware of what he is doing. and of twisted nature of his feelings too, I think, yet still chooses to indulge in his desires, even if it hurts you, the person he was supposed to love and cherish. he makes me feel an absolute, poetic rage, and I love a character I can hate. (don't get me wrong, it meant to be a praise)

and I absolutely adore his design. also if I was on point with the idea you meant for him, that is wonderful too. if a character makes me feel something, I like that character. but girl, you really should add more details about him. because everything I've written here is, basically, just my own brainstorming and bare theories. Micah needs to have more meat on him for a full character analysis >_>

but anyway, I actually have a question.

what if MC wasn't in any way pure? what if they're a complete opposite of that word? count it on my love for hunchback of notre dame

unlike the nun MC, I suggest a MC who fully embraces their sins. like an evil succubus, they enjoy the joys of being tainted. they know what influence they have on their dear Father Micah, and isn't ashamed of that. I feel like that would make a pretty interesting story

(cough cough draw him blushing and moaning and my life is yours darling)

Another absolutely incredible ask I'll have a field day answering.

I do agree with him being a bit under developed at the moment. Micah was a bit unfortunate as in he was never meant to be an actual character. He was just a momentary creation who existed for me to study color theory. A beautiful man of flowers who didn't have an identity.

Then he joined the cast when I was busy with working on commissions and the 5k celebration comic so I didn't have the time to draw his introduction comic with the things I had planned for him, though I've been trying my best to explore him a bit more thru asks like this one. The fact that I don't want to spoil the stuff I'll draw in his comic is also holding me back a little.

I think Micah is evil, but not completely bad. A man who was born twisted, who was raised into goodness, and even with all the love he received never truly got rid of his inner darkness, but just once, just for one moment, I think he had good in his heart. And that is when he first saw you.

With all his twistedness, all his evilness, all his darkness, I think that love he felt for you was truly pure. Because in his eyes you appeared truly beautiful, like a pure lily.

But Micah isn't a pure man, neither does he want to be. So he prefers to pull you down to his level, so that you two can be sinful together. A truly impure way of feeling that pure and innocent love.

I have gotten asks about him with a more rowdy darling, one who isn't a nun or one who is more sinful. I've been really brainstorming about it but I don't think it would work. Not because I personally can't force the story into being like that but because I think it was just not meant to be like that.

You see I do come up with the characters, but I don't control their actions. If the character is unwilling I can't shape the story to my will. Because that story is their life and they control it. The best I can do is to try to fill the gaps I can.

I might prefer submissive yanderes, I might want Micah to have a more sinful darling instead but it wouldn't be Micah's story anymore. That's one of the reasons why he's so different from the rest of the boys. I'm not super into very dominant guys, I could probably count the ones I have with one hand, it wasn't my intention for Micah to be the way he is, but I don't think he could've been any other way.

Micah was just meant to be manipulative, a gaslighter, a dirty man who'll pull anything to push you below him.

I guess me looking at my stories from an actual novel or manga perspective also contributes to this. Father Micah exists to shine with a darling who he can soil.

Now the darling can maybe go against him in the future, she might rebel or give in to his sinful ways, but that's a different story.

[qin-qin16]

My computer is possessed?! Oh, wait, it's just my out-coded skeleton boyfriend!

Summary: When some of your work in progress goes missing, you decide to start investigating whether your computer has a virus. That is until you realize that the few remaining works are of one character: Error Sans. cw: kinitoPET and creepypasta vibes, writer Reader, Ink is mentioned, Error is jealousy, again, comedy, Reader finally notices that something wrong is happening! (Part one) (Part two)

“I should really get a new chair..." You say slowly, tilting your head back and feeling your neck stretch — a habit that you keep indulging in, no matter how sore it makes your nape afterward. "Then again, I also need to buy some new pants... and a new mouse as well..." Your head rolls over your shoulders, and before you know it, you’re staring at the computer screen again.

Your fingers lightly tap against the table; pinky, ring, middle, and index. One after the other in a rhythmic sequence — until you mess up and clench your hand into a loose fist.

"Ink definitely wouldn’t say that; he’s just so clueless." And there you are, deleting an entire paragraph for the third time, unhappy with how your story is turning out. "Why did I have to write about this jerk again?"

Because he’s a complex character with many layers that can add depth to your plot. You can almost imagine yourself explaining it, wearing glasses with a raised finger — just like that nerd emoji meme.

Even though your explanation was spot on, you can’t help but huff in frustration, rubbing your eyes with your thumbs before looking back at the blank Word document.

“... Why is this so bright?” If you were standing in front of a mirror, you’d definitely see your pupils constricting; a slight burning sensation spreading across your eyes as your finger keeps clicking on the computer keys, the brightness rapidly dimming.

Before you can blink, you let out a slow hiss. The burning in your eyes, sharp against your sensitive irises, returns suddenly; and in front of you, seemingly amused by the situation, your computer screen is set to full brightness.

"What the hell?" you curse, quickly covering your eyes with your hands as you pull away from the screen. For a moment, all you see is complete darkness, with a few bright spots flickering in your vision.

Maybe it’s time to start using eye drops; your eyes probably wouldn’t hurt so much after hours in front of the computer.

"I must have pressed the wrong key..." That’s a possibility, if it weren’t for a little voice in the back of your mind whispering the steps you took moments ago; you definitely pressed the right keys and released them at the right moment to actually dim the screen. "Or did I think I clicked but really didn’t?"

Your head droops onto your shoulders — and a low grunt escapes your lips as you feel the muscles in your neck stretch, pulling your shoulder blades along with them.

You rest your face in your hands, then rub your eyes and look at the computer again between your fingers. “You know what? It doesn’t matter.” Your feet shuffle toward the table, the rolling chair getting stuck at some point. “I just need to finish at least this dialogue before I can finally shut this thing down with a clear conscience.”

In theory, it should be a simple task; in practice, not so much. Especially when the paragraphs you’ve already written keep getting erased-

"What the hell is going on?!" You couldn’t believe — or understand — what was happening right before your eyes: sentence by sentence, your fanfic was being quickly erased, line by line.

You quickly moved the mouse away from the document, clicking anywhere else in the browser to stop your writing from being deleted — which didn’t do much good. The cursor soon started moving on its own, spinning around the screen until it selected an entire paragraph and deleted it.

"What’s going on?!" you shout as you repeat the same action, clicking outside the browser to keep the cursor from going back to the document, sliding it left, right — anywhere to keep whatever was controlling your mouse away from your precious fanfic. "Is this what a hacker attack feels like?"

It’s the only explanation; unless the existence of ghosts is not just real, but they also have the ability to manipulate electronics and understand how the internet works.

Before you could think any more about it, the cursor had returned to the center of the screen — but this time, before it could delete any more of your text, you quickly took control of the mouse, dragging it to the red box in the corner of the window and closing it for good.

You didn’t even curse or shout afterward; your mouth stays slightly open, slowly widening enough to express your disbelief at what had just happened. Your eyes remained fixed on the computer, even as your vision grew increasingly blurry, much like the whirlwind of thoughts swirling in your mind.

"What the hell was that? Was it some kind of virus? Or a hacker's prank? I didn’t share this document with anyone, so it must have been some damn hacker with no job doing something so messed up! But wait, what if it’s like those little computer avatars that are actually viruses messing with your documents and folders? Did I download something strange without even noticing?”

Your focus snaps back to the screen as a notepad file opens in the upper corner of your desktop.

HEHEHEHEHEHEH GOT YOU!

“Son of a bitch,” you growl, grinding your teeth together as your eyes scan the message in all caps again and again.

This was solid proof (at least for your stress-fried brain) that this was the work of a sadistic hacker, taking pleasure in your suffering. It was decided: you would take your computer to a specialist as soon as possible — hacker or not, you would get your precious computer back at any cost.

Banging your head against the desk — and grunting as the pain spreads across your forehead — you don’t even notice that the light on your webcam is on.

Tagging area, if you want to be tagged, just ask :D

@snastheskeleton64 @moon-and-fries @unamzi @something-random1-1-blog @lostsoulofdragon @notagamerlol @staryycheze

[flamingpudding]

Part 4 of Ghost Kid in Gotham

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How to catch a baby brother

Richard 'Dick' Greyson had a problem. It wasn't a nuclear level of problem but it also wasn't a paper cut level of problem either. Because apparently he had a baby brother no one in their family but Damien knew about. Granted Damien had confessed that said baby brother was dead and had supposedly died eight years ago.

The explanation that Talia had apparently pulled another Jason was not helpful at all. According to Damien, in response to Tims findings, there was no other way for the twin to be alive other than Talia having preserved his body and then decided after eight years to drop it into the pits. Well lets just say his opinion on that woman if it was already down in the depth it certainly was now.

Which, considering the glowing Lazarus green eyes, could mean that there was now an eight years old child running loose in the Bat Cave with Pit Madness. Not just a simple feral eight years old that looked like perfect B adoption material and so happened to be blood related.

"Guys we need a plan. We can't just let our little teethling run loose."

"Richard, do not refer to my brother as little teethling." Dick only grinned. "Well the little biter needs a nickname and until I find something else fitting its teethling. Or do you have a better suggestion?"

Sweet little Baby Bird was now glowering at him. Oh protective were we, his little brothers definitely were the cutest. He was definitely going to tease sweet little Dami about this later once the first phase of new little brother crisis was over. For now they had to find the little guy first. The Cave wasn't exactly childproof.

"Let's use Jason as bait." Tim suddenly suggested causing the second oldest to grimace. "The little guy apparently likes biting him. We could use that as an advantage."

"Absolutely fucking not." Little Wing disagreed and Dick chuckled in good humor.

"Aw come on Little Wing, this is your chance to make a bond with our new baby before any of us can."

"For once I agree with Todd. Absolutely not, who knows where he has been. I will not have my brother become sick from biting him." He would have cooed at this, if Jason's face change from surprise at the agreement to a purely offended scowl wasn't so funny.

"Okay no biting bait. But we gotta draw out the little guy and calm his Pit Rage." If that feralness the kid displayed had even anything to do with Pit Rage.Considering the glowing eyes though he would think so. Dick eyed Jasons for a moment, he didn't seem to be affected at all nor had he said anything about the Pit being upset or feeling anything strange. So maybe the little guy wasn't suffering to an extrem from it? But he had apparently been brought back by a Lazarus Pit, so the likelihood with their experiences so far was slim.

"Well we gotta find a way to secure the little guy before B comes back or Alfie finds out." Jason mentioned still scowling at Damien. "By the way, I want to be here when you guys tell B about this. I wanna see his face and make fucking sure the little biter won't be turned into another kid soldier."

"Jason." He scowled, this was definitely not the right time for that sort of discussion but he had a point, they needed to find little… what had Damien said his name was? Wait did Damien even tell them the little guy's name? They all had just been using nicknames so far.

"Dami, what's the little teethling's name again?"

"I haven't told you yet." Ah okay so he didn't have a hole in his memory. "It's Danyal, but when we were younger he didn't like the way grandfather and our teachers called his name and insisted on being called informally as Danny."

"Okay right, so we better find little Danny and get everyone together to introduce-"

"Might I ask who this 'little Danny' is, Master Dick?"

He did not scream. But his heart rate shot up with Alfred just appearing behind him like that. Really sometimes Alfred could be as bad as Cass in the ways of sneaking up on people without them knowing.

"Alfred, hey hi what are you doing down here?" He was not nervous, no he wasn't. The way the butler narrowed his eyes at him did definitely not scare him at all, nope.

"I was informed that all of you returned uninjured." Though his eyes narrowed at Jason's hand that got cut earlier and his brother instantly tried to hide it behind his back when he noticed Alfreds eyes on him. "But the four of you, despite having returned to the Cave, have not come up yet. So I was merely checking on you, to make sure nothing was wrong after all."

He gulped. Really there was no way of ever hiding anything from Alfred.

"Jason brought a child to the Cave that we found out is Damien's twin that had died eight years ago but was brought back to life and is now feral and hiding somewhere in the cave."

At least it was Timber that blurred out everything they knew so far.

"His name is Danyal." Baby Bird added and the four of them waited for Alfred's reaction.

"I see. I will go prepare one of the rooms then and inform Master Bruce to return sooner from his meeting with the Justice League then. As well as prepare for a family dinner as soon as possible, I assume. Will my help be needed in finding young Master Danyal?"

"No worries Alfie, I think I have an idea on how to draw out the little shiiii-biter. You made cookies, right?" Jason at the last minute corrected his words because of the look and Dick couldn't help but snicker.

"I indeed did. If my help is not required then I will be on my way."

Giving them all one last look over, the Butler smiled before he turned to leave. Dick, Tim and Jason let out a sigh in relief once Alfred had left again to which Damien only eyed them strangely.

A little while later Jason went to get the cookies and came back with the plate and staring at a green post-it note. "Since when does Alfie stick green post-it notes with cryptic shit on plates?"

"What?" His brother only shrugged offering the note to him. Tim was looking over his shoulder at it and the two stared at the strange writing.

"I think Cass or Steph might be pulling a prank on us? These look just like random squiggles."

"Let's leave this for later and look for the little teethling." He passed the note to Tim, noticing the curiosity in his eyes. Oh boy, he probably should make sure his little brother gets some sleep instead of trying to encrypt whatever was written on that little note all night.

"Now everyone lets take a cookie, resist eating it and go hunt down our little teethling."

Damien narrowed his eyes on him. "I told you to stop calling Danyal that." The little baby bird still took a cookie though and marched away into the bat cave. They had separated wandering through the Bat Cave trying to cover as much ground as possible and by this point Dick was ready to call for Cass to join them, maybe even wake up Duke just so they would finally find the little kid.

That was until a familiar yowl of pain resounded in the Cave. The direction made Dicks stomach sink once he remembered just what was in the Cave in this direction. "Jason!"

Once he arrived there he feared for the worst. Jason avoided the area, because B had placed their Lazarus Pit there and his brother had often said that it was one of the reasons he didn't like coming to the Cave that much anymore let alone into this area of the Cave. To hear his brothers shout of pain from that area couldn't mean anything good.

Well that was until he got to the scene. Dick didn't know how long he stood there frozen but at some point he knew he took out his phone to take some photos of what was happening. Tim was already laughing and Dick was pretty sure that Babs was most likely recording this with one of the many cameras B had in the Cave.

Jason lay with his back on the ground, with one hand his brother was still holding the cookie waving it desperately before Danny's face who was biting down on the other arm sitting on the downed vigilante's chest. Little hands gripping onto the arm in an attempt to make sure no one was taking his chewtoy away from him. Meanwhile Damien was trying to lift the little biter off Jason by holding him with his hands under the kids armpits.

"You little shit! FUCK! Come on, here is the cookie! Take the fucking cookie! OUCH FUCKING HELL! How is he resisting Alfies cookies!"

"Danyal, No! You do not know where Todd was or how dirty he is. Let go of his arm this instant. We do not want you to get sick!"

"Hey!"

This was gold, Dick decided, and would go straight to the black mail as well as family memories folder.

[fics-by-noworriesifnot]

Chapter 10/19: "Undeniable Chemistry." now up on AO3

Hermione poked her head around the corner of the sitting room to observe Draco on the couch watching television with a glazed over expression. He’d been sat there for the past several days now, consuming the episodes of Charmed she’d painstakingly downloaded for him. 

Hermione took a deep breath and approached, channeling all her positive energy into her next sentence. “I have some exciting news that might cheer you up!” She announced, leaning with both hands on the arm rest, her leg kicking up behind her in the momentum of it all. Draco looked at her askance, raising a single brow before his eyes flitted back to the screen. “Is it about whether Piper and Leo develop chemistry at any point in this show? Because I’m struggling to believe they like each other at all… Charmed?” He said. “Hardly.” “No…” Hermione said, battling a grin. “It’s about the potion.” Draco sat up, his eyes brightening. “Oh, you’ve made a break-through to revitalise the wizarding world already?” He asked, as Hermione plopped into the couch beside him. She hadn’t meant to sit so close, with his arm still resting over the back of the couch, she felt enveloped in him. “Erm-” she swallowed. “No, not that potion… your father’s Ambrosia Elixir.” She said, shrugging her shoulders in anticipation of his annoyance. 

Draco sighed and brought his hand to his temple. “Not this again.” He said. “I told you not to waste your time on it.” Choosing to ignore his petulant response, Hermione continued to explain her discovery. 

“I’ve figured out what I need to complete it -well- your father did most of the leg work, I just connected the dots really.” She said, punctuating the air with her finger. “All we need is ash from a resurrected phoenix.” Draco visibly recoiled, but Hermione continued, undeterred. “Proteins found in phoenix ashes will bind to the reactant molecules in the elixir and catalyse the reaction. Usually catalysts only accelerate the reaction, and wouldn’t contribute to it- but this is where magic comes in! After the reaction the properties are extracted; phoenix proteins are just built differently to regular proteins. Currently the reaction is happening too slowly, but with a catalyst, this magical catalyst… Malfoy, I really believe it will work!” Draco merely blinked in response, chemical equations might well have been floating around her head for all he could make of what she was saying.

“Essentially your father has synthesised phoenix resurrection magic!” Hermione exclaimed, simplifying her explanation. “Very clever Granger, but when was the last time you saw a phoenix? Let alone a recently resurrected one.” Draco replied, guilt spiking as he watched Hermione deflate. “Well-” she sputtered. “I know they’re incredibly rare, but-” “There hasn’t been a phoenix sighting since Dumbledore's hen flew off, and before that, who knows how long?” Draco said, folding his arms over his chest. “Sure.” Hermione countered, willing herself to keep her voice level. “But I’m speaking to someone in an online forum who says they have some ashes and they’re willing to share them with me to support my cause!” “An online forum?” Draco blinked, feeling, not for the first time in this short conversation, completely out of his depth.

“A chat room on the net. They say they’re located in Egypt and if I were to visit, they’d be more than happy to help! I was thinking that perhaps I could plan a trip after Christmas?” Hermione said, her excitement building at the prospect of an academic research adventure.

‘Ah.’ Draco thought, recognising some of the lingo he’d learned over the past few months, used in association with Hermione downloading television periodicals for him to watch. “So you’re talking to a complete stranger on your computer who is promising you, what could possibly be, one of the rarest magical items in the world- for free mind you- if you just hop over to the transcontinent real quick on an international portkey? And there is nothing suspicious about this to you?” He said, raising his hands in question at her. “Erm…” Hermione shrugged, her eyes rolling backwards as if just realising this for the first time. Draco could not understand how she figured out how to synthesise phoenix resurrection magic, but remained completely obtuse to matters of her personal safety. Sighing and closing his eyes, he asked. “What about your real research Granger? Are you just abandoning it?” Hermione felt a prickle of annoyance at that, but tamped it down. She was desperate for Draco to understand her point of view, but didn’t want to descend into a chaotic bickering spiral that came so naturally to them.

“Of course I’m not abandoning it… but I can do both,” she said. “You know I can practically multitask in my sleep. Besides-  phoenixes are endemic to Egypt and the Arabian Peninsula; it makes sense someone there might have some ashes.”

“What do Potter and Weasley think of this plan?” Draco asked. Mumbling, Hermione replied, “I haven’t exactly told them…” She said, avoiding his eye. Suspicions confirmed, Draco turned to her in full, trying to appeal to her sense of reason. “Granger. I want you to stop. This is going too far.” He said, any sense of agitation leaving him as he looked at the witch now kneeling before him on the cushions, her eyes wide and slightly crestfallen. “You don’t owe this to me.” He continued. “My death is entirely Bellatrix and The Dark Lord’s doing. We’ve talked about this.” He said softly, wishing he could take her hand.

Hermione turned away from him slightly, resting on one leg while the other swung over the edge of the couch. She took a deep breath, not wanting emotion to get the better of her. “You stopped Bellatrix when she had me under her knife... I just wish I could have done the same for you.” She said, blinking against the memories of Bellatrix digging a blade into her throat. “So that is what this is about?” Draco replied. “It’s not just that, Malfoy…” Hermione said, chewing her lip. “Am I another project then? Another problem for the brilliant mind of Hermione Granger to solve?” He asked, his voice solemn. “A problem? No, how could you think that? It’s not that I couldn’t save you at the battle and I’m certainly not in this to give myself more work to do... it’s more than that.” “Then what is it?” “I- Well-” Hermione felt heat blooming in her cheeks. “I’ve grown rather fond of you.” She blurted and immediately wished she could take it back, as the corners of Draco’s mouth pulled up into a smirk. “You’ve grown fond of me?” He said, his voice carrying a note of disbelief, as he sat straighter, taking in this surprising tidbit.

“Don’t preen for Heaven’s sake!” Hermione said, her cheeks brightening further. “I care for you, and I think you’re accepting your death too readily. I just don’t understand how you can be so blasé about your circumstances when the opportunity to change them is within our reach.”

“If you do care for me, you’ll respect my wishes and autonomy over my own life, or as it currently stands, death.” Draco said.

“Why won't you let me do this for you?” Hermione asked, as Draco felt his stomach backflip, knowing he’d have to confess to the same feelings if he was going to get this witch to relent. “Have you thought that perhaps I care for you too? And that I don’t want to see any harm befall you on your feckless mission to finish my father’s potion? If you can find a solution that doesn’t jeopardize your own life or career, then by all means, carry on.” He said in one breath.

“I do think you’re overreacting about my meeting this person from the forum…” Granger pouted, her arms folded over her chest. Emulating her pose, Draco replied curtly. “I think I’m reacting perfectly reasonably… you’ll simply have to find another way if bringing me back is so important to you.” “But there is no other way!” Hermione said. “You’re Hermione Granger. There is always another way. Now. Promise me you’re going to drop this travel nonsense.” Hermione inhaled sharply, about to fight for what she wanted, to push further and make demands, knowing he couldn’t really stop her. But she felt the strength of her convictions leave her as she looked at Draco. He was smiling for the first time in days. Perhaps he was right, it was his death, as much as she wished she could change things, it wasn’t for her to decide. “Fine.” She acquiesced. “Good girl.” Draco said, stretching his arm out behind her on the couch and turning back to the television. Hermione felt her heart rate spike at his words and proximity; even though she knew she couldn’t touch him, she had the sudden urge to bury herself in his jumper. 

“Now, turn the sound back on.” Draco said, gesturing to the remote. “Chauncey has queued up Buffy for us. Even though these muggle directors got the wrong end of the stick when it comes to vampires, at least they have undeniable chemistry.” Hermione’s heart clenched upon a realisation as she unmuted the television. “Undeniable chemistry.” She repeated under her breath, feeling that she’d just understood how it felt.

[juniperdugong]

Perfection Pt.4; Nightfall

Waking from a nap in Mingyu's arms leads to some awkwardness. You get that new phone he's been talking about. Oh! And he breaks into the morgue. Surely, this ends well, right?

Pairing: mortician!mingyu x corpse!fem!reader

Genre: Mortician!au, Horror!au || Fluff, Crack, Romance, Angst || Inspired by Frankenstein and other undead media

Warnings: Mentions of death and corpses (Nothing in-depth and nothing intended to disturb) || Mentions of suicide || Necro-romance, aka romantic attraction to a corpse. || {Please let me know if there are other warnings you would like me to add}

WC: 4.6k

Songs that inspired this fic

Series Masterlist

Rousing from your nap you let yourself follow the warm embrace that held you. Falling into the crook of the neck of the person beside you, holding them tightly, inhaling their scent, and finding the utmost comfort in it. Mingyu. The only memorable smell that has been able to invade your mind like a drug since you've been alive. Snuggling ever closer you smiled gently into his chest-

Wait. Hold on. In your waking daze, you hadn't even processed what was happening right now. Arms? Around you? Mingyu's scent? With apprehension, you raise your head and your fear is confirmed. Mingyu. Is. Holding. You.

Startled you push against his chest, attempting to create any type of distance as your face is getting as hot and red as a coil stovetop. But Mingyu's arms are trapping you in place.

The sudden movement stirs Gyu, his eyes lazily opening to meet yours. A grin meets his face before he's suddenly being shifted across the bed. In your surprise, you can't help but shove him with a strength you did not intend.

"Shi- I'm sorry- I-" You're suddenly rushing for an explanation. "It's okay- I mean I'm sor-" And he is too. "No, I didn't mean to fall asleep-" "I…Well, I did mean to give you a hug. I'm so sorry though, we talked abo-" The two of you are suddenly giggling at the string of confused statements that neither of you is sure makes sense. A nice silence washes over after the amusement but you're mind quickly turns, I should probably leave, the thought crosses your mind and you gather yourself and stand up.

"I didn't mind you sleeping in my bed, y/n." Mingyu looks up at you as he moves to sit on the edge with an expectant stare. He wants you to stay. Wants you to want him as badly as he wants you right now. And you do! But the talk from last night solidified something within you, you need time to stretch just a bit more to make this feel right, to make it feel deserved. Playing with your bottom lip between your teeth you decide to leave the room. Before you go Mingyu reaches out to you, his hand lightly gripping your wrist begging you to come back to him, but you resist, telling him that he should change out of his day clothes before dinner. He hits the bed as he falls backward, watching as you close the door. You both leave the situation unsatisfied.

The rest of the day goes by in still awkwardness. The idle talk that usually has both of you engrossed has suddenly become dull and tense. This is what you were talking about. This is the needed tensity that must come with getting to know one another, the hurdle of being uncomfortable with each other. It can't always be easy comfort and conversation, unfortunately.

It's killing Mingyu, it's killing him to the point of wanting to go back and erase what he said, erase what he did. The overstepping of a boundary is a serious thing and he's been beating himself up over it. It isn't like you said anything to spur this on and it's not like you look uncomfortable next to him, in fact, it looks rather normal other than the absence of jovial talk between you two. His jaw is tensing as he thinks about what to do, how to solve this pit of worry in his stomach. And it doesn't go unnoticed, his fingers are fidgeting with the spoon in his hand and he hasn't taken a bite in several minutes.

"Gyu?" The nickname snaps him back to life, "Hmm?" "You okay?" "Huh? Oh, yeah I'm okay, I'm good." He mulls it over a million times in his within a split second. "Y/n?" "Yeah?" "I'm really sorry." "For what?" "For…" his shoulders slump, "Crossing the boundaries we set last night. I shouldn't have hugged you. I'm really sorry. You said you wanted to slow down and that was the complete opposite."

The way he's staring at the ceiling like a child admitting something warms your heart. He was thinking about that this whole time? You didn't know what was causing the teeth-grinding unease between you two but it definitely wasn't because he hugged you to sleep. You hadn't even thought about that part, if anything, you falling asleep on his bed was what you thought this was about.

"Mingyu, it's okay. I forgive you." The biggest weight sloughs off of him as you say that. "I thought you were mad at me if anything…" "Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?" "I went into your room when you weren't here and I ended up taking a nap on your bed…" You're flushed with embarrassment as you recall what you had done. "I-" he wants to tell you what he did before, that he doesn't mind you sleeping in his room, that he wants you to sleep there...with him. But the thought of crossing the line again tolls on his mind. "It's okay, I really didn't mind at all. Like I said the first night it's more comfortable than the guest bed" he gives an amused hum.

With the air feeling a lot lighter you both go about the night time routine that you've established over the past 2 nights. Before bed Mingyu knocks on your door to tell you goodnight and for some reason, the act just feels so innocent, pure, and adolescent. Blushes adorn both your faces afterward, like some lovesick teenagers, hearts beating like drums until night takes you.

The next day is rather uneventful. You wake to an empty house again, Mingyu leaves another note to remind you to eat, and you do what you can in the way of cleaning (Not that there's much you can clean in an already spotless home). The only off thing was the additional ask in Mingyu's note.

"I'm heading off, forgive me for not waking you to say goodbye. Like yesterday I made you some meals in the fridge, please eat them well! Also, if you wouldn't mind being ready by the time I come home, I want to get you that phone that I wrote about yesterday. Have a good day, y/n :)"

With a lack of things to do to keep you from boredom you decide to get ready hours ahead of time. Carefully picking out an outfit from the clothes you and Mingyu had picked out during your shopping trip. Makeup, in your case, was a must! At the very least to make you look less…gray and well dead.

You sat in front of your vanity trying to recollect how this process goes. The process is almost like meditation, trying to dig deep enough within yourself to remember how to make yourself look and feel good.

Sat in front of a bathroom mirror you stare at yourself. The dark circles under your eyes have further sunken since the last time you allowed yourself to look in the mirror. The tear stains are evident in the darkened corner of your eyes. You look sickly. A scornful look pains you as you look at yourself. You hate this. You hate you. How did it get to this point? This amount of self-loathing and isolation? Your body is a monster, not made to be loved by anyone but yourself. Who could even love you?

The memory strikes you like a dagger to the heart and mind. Tears trickle down your cheeks.

That was the day before you passed.

The day that you decided that you weren't long for this planet.

How things would change in a matter of a week and some change. Dying might've been the best thing to have happened to you. It allowed you a chance to live again, as ironic as that might sound. Kim Mingyu gave you the chance of a full life, a life with him.

Staring at your face in the mirror those terrible thoughts plague you again but this time you don't allow them to define life or death. You stare and you see the memory of Mingyu and you at the vanity, talking about taking things slow, the way his hand caressed your shoulder, his eyes all on you. No, you don't have to hate yourself in this life too.

Mingyu comes home and is immediately greeted by the sound of you in the kitchen. He celebrates quietly that the house isn't silent like yesterday.

You're washing the dishes from a rather late lunch; Getting ready took longer than you'd like to admit with the sudden memory that had come back. Standing by yourself humming along to an unknown song with Mingyu's apron hanging a bit longer than intended on your body, he stares in awe. How could you be so perfect? So unaware that you radiated such happiness? After taking in the scene he saunters into the kitchen.

"I'm home~" "Oh! I didn't hear the door. I should've come to greet you." You're scrounging around for a towel the moment you see Gyu. "It's fine, I came in quietly in case you were sleeping again" He smirks to himself as he grabs the roll of paper towels and hands it to you. "How could I sleep knowing that I had to be ready?" "I don't know, you slept pretty soundly yesterday. Maybe it's your hobby…" You scoff at him and lightly punch at his shoulder. "You ready to get that phone?"

You guys head to the phone company after quickly gathering your stuff. Getting in Mingyu's car you remember that the last time you were in here was when he was taking you from the morgue. The silent drive that was full of contemplation and nerves. Now the car is filled with music and ease, Mingyu's hand gently tapping along with the drums as he drives. "As my memory rest but never forgets what I lost~ Wake me up when September ends~" Gyu sings under his breath and a content smile grows on his face as he glances over and you're steadily bouncing along as well.

The process itself was rather swift. The man at the phone company had taken you through all the newest models of phones and the latest deals on phone plans. The only interruptions or questions made were when Mingyu perked up to ask about unlimited data and messaging, somewhere within that he had also mentioned that he only wanted the best for his "Wife". The statement caught you by surprise but it seemed like Gyu had no issue as he just continued to nod along with the man as he signed the papers and handed them to you to sign. In the end, you were able to get a very good plan and the latest Galaxy Z flip phone.

The entire ride home you thought about Gyu's words, his mention of you as his "wife". Had that been a mistake on his part? You choke on the lump in your throat as Gyu speaks.

"Do you like it?" "Hmm?" "Your phone, do you like it?" He looks at you as he stops at a red light, your confusion amusing him, "If you want we can always turn back and get something mor-" "Oh no this is completely fine, great in fact! Very cute!" "Thank goodness! I thought we were actually gonna have to go back for a second" he laughs. "I don't know if you mind but I took the liberty of putting my number in when you were signing papers." "Don't mind at all, makes it easier for me." He nods and turns up the music. "Just give me a call or text me whenever you need to…or want to. I'll always want to talk to you." He says nonchalantly, not taking his eyes off the road. "I will definitely do that. Don't mind if I spam you, right?" "Never. I'd enjoy each message even if you wrote things out letter by letter." You smile and give a curt nod as to signify you're actually taking that into suggestion.

You spend some time customizing your phone before you sleep. Occasionally letting your mind drift off and thinking about what Gyu had said earlier his "wife", you smile at the thought.

Hovering over Mingyu's number, the only number on the phone currently, you think about what you want your first message to be. You think about texting him about what he had said before but honestly, you've had enough awkwardness for a while. Before doing anything too hasty you decide to change his name, "Gyu", and realize that you don't have any pictures of him to add to his contact.

- Hey Gyu, it's y/n - Still up? - Yeah Fixing up my phone - Ah okay - You mind sending me a photo for your contact? - {Picture}

Your heart flutters at the sight of him in his bed, cuddled up with his sheets. You have to stop yourself from grinning too hard as you copy his pose. You go the extra mile of making him your lock screen, if he brings it up you resolve to tell him that you haven't any other pictures. You lay in bed staring at your phone for an eternity before sending Mingyu a quick "Goodnight, hope you sleep well and wake up rested for work tomorrow!", quickly shoving the phone away and trying your best not to dwell on whether or not he responds tonight.

Ding…Ding…Ding

The sound of notifications on your phone wakes you, squinting at the bright screen you see Mingyu's left you a few messages and attempted to call you once.

- Thank you, I did sleep well - How did you sleep? - Are you up? Incoming call… - I guess you aren't - Message me when you wake up, please - I made you pancakes for breakfast and some rice and steak for lunch - Please eat before snacking - I'll try and call you again during my lunch break

You can't help but smile at the attentiveness Gyu shows you. Still hanging onto your sleepy state you get up to go and get ready for the day, not before shooting Mingyu a good morning text though.

You turn on the TV as you sit with your pancakes in hand. The morning news goes through the usual, weather, accidents, etc. You don't pay it any mind until the end, shit. Is it Friday already? Suddenly your head is spinning.

Tonight is the night that you and Mingyu had planned on going to the morgue, FUCK, and you haven't even begun to rewrite your suicide note! The stress makes you pace around the room. DING

- Morning! - Glad you slept well - A bit busy atm - I'll call you during lunch, we should talk about tonight.

Of course, Mingyu remembered. Not that you didn't want him to but it bothers you how comfortable you've been, enough to let time slip and the days sneak up on you. You should've been at least a bit on edge about this but in truth you hadn't thought about it much since you and Gyu's talk. Your time since then has been filled with nothing short of romantic drama and complicated feelings, you didn't mind that in the moment but now you realize that there were MUCH more pressing matters that could've used your attention.

You have to drag yourself to get a pen and some pieces of paper slumping down as you begin to think about what you had written in your note. The memories are not at all pleasant. The crying as you slaved away at a piece of paper meant to be your last words to those you loved and cared about. You remember hiccupping as you wrote it, the tears at one point clouding your vision to the point of no longer being able to see the paper clearly. You're half sure that the messy blotches smeared the ink of the sentences meant for your family but as you recall all of this you find it hard to recapture those feelings. You don't feel that despair anymore, not since you've been reawakened. Not since meeting Mingyu. Not since his proposal. None of the despair followed.

Even still, the words come to you, albeit not exactly in the same way they were in your original note, but this is meant to be a somewhat edited version anyway.

As you finish with you're piece you start to have thoughts of your old life. You still can't will a majority of the memories of that lifetime to come back to you but a wave of sudden sadness hits as you think about who you were and who you knew back then.

The memories of your few friends and the family that you kept contact with feel more like a distant mirage, like a movie you saw years ago and remember parts of. Their faces are obscured by the veil of life and death. You wonder if any of them would show up for your viewing. For a moment you entertain the thought of going yourself, seeing those people dressed in black, and attempting to remember what was. But you shun the idea as quick as it comes; No one can know that you're alive. More than causing complications within yourself, it would cause utter chaos at Mingyu's doorstep and that is definitely not what you want to happen.

Lunch rolls around and you hear a ringtone that, in time, you will become all too familiar with. Mingyu's caller ID lights up your screen to Facetime him. You answer as you pull out your food from the microwave and set up your place at the coffee table, simulating how you and Gyu usually eat meals.

"Y/n! Good afternoon!" "Hey, Gyu! How has your day been?" "Busy. Our Tech, Chan, misplaced things in the prep room. Thank goodness I caught it before I started using the embalming machine-" Gyu continues to tell you about all the morbid details of his latest client and you're amazed that a topic like this comes to both of you naturally and without discomfort, I guess there is some common ground in death that both of you tread on.

Towards the end of Gyu's lunch break, you both breach the meat of what you were supposed to talk about. "So tonight…" "Yeah, I've actually already prepared my letter, thankfully I didn't use any fancy stationery so it was quite easy-" "Oh! You did that already?" "Yeah, there wasn't much else to think about or do" "I see… Sorry, I should've been there." "What? No-" "It must've been hard to relive writing that, y/n…" "I- It was. But trust me! Having you here might've made the process much more emotional." "Yeah, but at least I would've been there to wipe your tears…" He says it under his breath but the flush that creeps up tells him that you heard him loud and clear, "But thank you for doing it in advance. Gives us some more time to decide how to break in-" "Don't call it breaking in!" "That's what we called it last time!" he laughs as you do, "Okay- Not breaking in but still not exactly doing what we're supposed to, I don't know what you would call it." "We're just going to the morgue to fix some things… It's not bad is it, Gyu?" "Bad? How do you mean?" "I mean- I don't know- It feels like we're doing something illegal but it's my note? And it's my body? I don't know…" "Listen, y/n. I don't think there's any laws about a person changing their own will and testament. If anything I'm probably the one in heaps of trouble here. I tampered with a dead body, am technically breaking and entering, and under some circumstances, some could say I stole you-" "Stole me?!" "I'm just saying! The story from an outsider's perspective could sound more criminal than romantic." "People have no problem with Frankenstein-" "Right… You're like my own little monster and I'm Victor-" "Watch it…" "Sorry sorry" you both giggle at the mention. "You think our story is romantic?" "Well- It's supposed to be. The handsome mortician falls in love with one of his clients? Sounds straight out of a messed up romance novel." You give an amused hum in response.

"But getting back to what we were talking about-" "Right." "We'll go to the morgue around 9-ish?" "What if they ask why you're there that late?" "Hmm I don't know, I'll tell them it's a rush job for a client's family?" "Okay, then what are you telling them you're there for again?" "Remember? I'll tell them I need to pick up a client's possessions." "Right right- Is that how that works?" "Not at all, usually you guys come with a bag of your things or your family brings clothes and stuff to put you in." "Woahhh grouping me in with the corpses now?" "No- Wait- I didn't-" You laugh as he facepalms and shakes his head. "Okay okay, then while you're doing all of that, I'm just waiting?" "Yep! Keeping the car warm and running for a quick getaway-" "This is not some sort of heist, Gyu…" "It sounds like one a bit… But! As long as the guard doesn't know me and doesn't want to bother me with chit-chat then we should be smooth sailing~" You nod your head in response.

The call ends abruptly as someone knocks on Gyu's car window to tell him to get inside. He apologizes profusely over text-

- So srry!!! - New client - I'll see you whne I get home!

He begins to type "I love…" but stops himself and immediately erases it.

Don't be afraid to text me, please

You smile as the messages roll in, sending him a thumbs-up emoji in response you settle back into the quiet of the house.

When Mingyu gets home you're resting, mindlessly flicking through different channels.

You hear the door open and jump to your feet to meet him at the entrance. Your jaw almost dropped at the sight of him, you've gotten somewhat used to seeing this handsome man around you, but as he opened the door the sunlight crept through lighting him from the back you could almost believe he was some sort of angel.

"Something catch your eye?", he smiles as he catches you staring. "Hmm? No- Welcome home~", as he takes off his shoes you open your arms. It shouldn't be too out of place to hug him, right? His smile grows ever brighter as he enters your arms, a heavy sigh leaving him and he relaxes into you. He needed this. The stress of the day, the plans, the awkwardness, all of it relieved the moment you initiated something. He would say his mind is clouded by you but that just doesn't sum it up, it's more like you clear the entire sky in his mind, and he feels it as you hug him.

Night comes all too fast today and dinner is rushed as you both nervously banter till it's time to leave. You didn't have to be punctual but the clock did feel like some sort of time bomb as you counted down the minutes in the car. You can nearly hear your own heartbeat in your ears as you drive.

Mingyu turns on the radio to relieve some amount of tension, "It'll be fine.", you think he's talking to you but his heart is beating just as fast, the adrenaline reminding him of the night he woke you, save for the romantic parts. You rest your hand on his knee for some assurance as you enter the parking lot.

"Here's the note, Gyu. Be careful, please. Run back to the car if you have to." Your words are the only thing that lessens the anxiety rising in him. "Okay. Sit pretty for me? Don't freak out, the hard part is done for you. We'll get a late-night snack after this okay?" You nod, both of your eyes wide with a rush that only each other's words can seem to calm. Like a hawk, you watch as Mingyu goes up to the door.

The morgue is located on the first floor of the hospital. Thankfully Mingyu can avoid worming his way through the halls of the entire facility as there is a special exit door made to transport bodies as well as let through any personnel that works in this department. Gathering his courage with a few deep breaths he firmly knocks.

A young man meets his eyes as he opens the door. "May I help you?", relief comes over him as he doesn't recognize the boy, should make all of this much easier, he thinks.

"Yes, hi. I'm Kim Mingyu. The local mortician." He shows the kid his I.D. as proof. "I came by to pick up some things left behind from a current client of mine." "I'm sorry. I don't think I'm allow-" He begins to shut the door but Mingyu holds it open with his arm.

"I know Joshua. The- umm- coroner. I know the head coroner. He said I could come by and pick it up." The boy looks tentatively. "How do I know I can trust you?" "Haha like someone would want to steal corpses or something ha-" He stares back at Mingyu with an unamused and slightly frightened look, "Sorry, bad joke. You should be able to look at some of the papers-" He points past the boy to the file holder on the wall, "It should say transporting to the mortuary and under the care of Mortician Kim Mingyu, or something like that."

The boy turns around, stealing occasional glances back at Mingyu to make sure he doesn't get through, he gives him a compliant smile and nods in return. It takes the boy a minute as he goes through several files before returning. "Okay. Sorry about that." "All good, all good. May I?" "Oh yes! Come in."

You watch the back and forth, a part of you wishing you had told Gyu to call you on his phone while this went down, just in case. The guard opens the door further and after what feels like an eternity you see Gyu disappear into the morgue.

Now in the clear Mingyu goes about the morgue without worry. He's scanning rooms left and right for a box of patient belongings, maybe a shelf dedicated to it, just looking anywhere he thinks your note could possibly be.

He enters the fridge room, a room lined with huge refrigerators, carefully temperature kept to store bodies until they are transported to him or another funeral home. The thought crosses his mind that maybe they have a special containment fridge or something similar for things used to identify the cause of death. He begins to carefully read the taped labels of each fridge, quickly moving on if he doesn't find what he's looking for.

In his ministrations, he isn't able to hear as a set of footsteps walks through the halls nor does he hear the opening of the door.

"Mingyu?" Startled he straightens up and backs away from the fridge, "Wonwoo- What? What are you doing-" "I can ask you the same thing…" They both look at each other, Mingyu like a deer caught in headlights and Wonwoo with utter confusion befalling him. The expression on Mingyu's face proves that he's here with some sort of motive but before Wonwoo's able to ask any questions a screaming pierces through the air.

"HELP SOMEONE!! HELP!"

They both rush out to find the security guard kneeling on the ground in front of the door, holding it wide open, completely distraught as he cradles your unconscious body in his arms.

A/N: Hello, my loves! I had a hard time writing this one, usually scenes come to me rather easily but whewww not with this one. And this is barely edited ;-; Anyways, please comment and reblog if you liked this part! It really does encourage me to continue with this series. And my inbox is open if you have any private comments or just wanna chat! Have a good weekend babes!

TAGLIST (open): @jjin-kun @mydolle-dd

[child0feden]

i need to know more abt ur thoughts on modern!pelle and camgirl!reader please omfg im deadddddd

well, i have many thoughts about them hehe! as like a short little timeline that i will go more in depth with another time, i think pelle found you, became enamoured with you, began donating to you whenever he has €15 to spare, you became interested in him due to his username and some things he said in his donation messages, you messaged him privately first and the two of you just spoke for hours, both of you continue chatting privately for months before organising a meeting, you meet and yeah you guys are just so in love, you start dating and so on… i will go into a better explanation of all of that later on but for now, have these hehe…

okay so these are just assorted little headcanons for modern! pelle and the camgirl! reader au! there is no major plot nor a major timeline, these are just some short and random little things with them! these are just some of my thoughts about them for you, anon <3

modern! pelle who often gets quite insecure when he sees other donations made to camgirl! reader from other people

pelle had not often found himself all that insecure about how much he had in the bank! yes, he was very aware of the fact that he had… below average in his bank and was what some most people would consider broke but he could never find it in himself to care! he had a lack of enjoyment for things that really required money, he did not often feel like he needed money and hey, he was alive no matter what his nickname may be… money was never an insecurity nor even a worry to the mind of pelle until he became obsessed infatuated with you! only then, did he feel like such a damn loser and such an idiot for even thinking that you would ever even acknowledge his €15 donation when he could see your highest donations of the day all lined up in the corner of his little laptop screen, they were such bigger sums of money, they were so frequent and regular… before that night of him getting drunk and making his first donation of €15 to you, he had always backed out just as he went to press the confirm payment button! he always pulled his ever so slightly shaking hands away from his keyboard and decided not to, he always decided that there was just no point in donating such a small amount and if you noticed him at all, it would probably be to point and laugh at how small of a donation it was and then he would have felt an urge to smash his laptop into little pieces which he knows he cannot afford, both literally because of his lack of funds for a new one and figuratively for his music…

modern! pelle who almost immediately sobered up when camgirl! reader did acknowledge his very first donation

pelle was drunk and he knew he was drunk, it did not take much cheap liquor to completely destroy his frail body and mind at all… he was holed up in his almost pitch black room, his back pressed up against the white painted wall as he sat on his springy old mattress on the floor with his cock held in his fist, the only dim light coming from his laptop screen as it illuminated a small glow across his pale and visibly worn out face… his eyes were stuck on what had become his usual comfort and pleasure of the dark, desolate and cold nights… you… his screen showed him the now familiar sight of you as you fucked your self with your fingers whilst looking right back at him the camera, oh… pelle just could not get enough of you, you made him feel so strange inside, you made him feel things that he did not even think he was capable of feeling, you ignited a burning wildfire inside of a man who thought he was as good as some wet wood… the urge to give you what was left in his bank account, a measly sum of €15 at most, was so sudden and this time, his drunken brain had an instalment of almost unstoppable faux confidence and a real drive… he could not stop himself this time, he could not pull his slim fingers away as he typed in his credit card details and confirmed his choice to send you that all he had! but even with his drunken brain on a high of adrenaline and spurred on confidence, his breath still seemed to halt and pause in his lungs as he watched the his donation pop up on your stream, his unblinking eyes beginning to burn as he watched you study the notification on your screen before reading it out… when you read out his username? some overly morbid and death related username, a horrid username that sounded oh so beautiful coming out of your mouth, he swore that he felt his heart stop beating in his chest for a second! only when you thank him for the first time donation and offer him a sweet welcome to your… community is when he feels like he can breathe again, only when you blow a kiss at him your screen is when he feels as if he was immediately sobered up whilst he feels his cock now becoming notably even harder in his hand from your interaction… yeah, he thinks maybe you are worth going completely broke for after all…

modern! pelle who never quite knows what to put in his donation messages to camgirl! reader

pelle does not really know how to dirty talk, not in person nor online… it is very unfamiliar territory for him and he just never really goes there due to his lack of knowledge for how to actually do it! and he does not want to accidentally creep you out by saying something that sounds more like a strange threat than some sweet dirty talk… so for the most part? a lot of his donations come without a message, or they come with a simple little smiling emoticon! but the rare ones that do come with a real typed out message from him? well, those are always a treat for you! they never really include anything all that dirty, actually, the messages are quiet mundane but in comparison to all of your usual donation messages that are always full of filth and demands? they are such a refreshing change! pelle just always asks you about music, about what your favourite bands are! he always wants to know what kind of movies do you enjoys, if you like snuff stuff or not so much… the questions almost make you laugh as you read them, wondering if he can actually see just what you are doing to yourself when he wants to know about your favourite classic horror… but every single time, you answer his questions with genuine responses, your responses are often filled with stuttering and moans in between your words but pelle appreciates them nonetheless! your dedication to answering his questions that he was hesitant to even send only makes him more infatuated and interested in you and little does he know, his questions to you and about you only drive you to want to know so much more about him…

modern! pelle who starts seeing camgirl! reader after months of getting to know each other more

pelle is not super sure on what the two of you are… if someone asked him, he would probably say that you are partners, that you are dating! but he is unsure if you would say the same because despite how badly he want to think of himself as your boyfriend, as badly as he wants to see your relationship as something real and official, he almost hopes you do not think the same as he does… he almost hopes that you do not see him as your boyfriend because he just thinks you deserve someone so much better than who he is, pelle thinks you deserve so much more than what he can give and he almost hopes that you can see that and that you know that… it is almost strange! the two of you have had sex together at this point, he sleeps at your apartment more than he sleeps anywhere else, the two of you do so many general things together and yet he does not know what it really is and he wants needs to know… as insecurities eat away at him one night, he feels like he just needs to know! and so he asks you, after the two of you had a somewhat domestic day together in your apartment and are laying in bed together, with pelle flat on his back beside you whilst letting you curl up into him, he just asks you… his voice is almost a whisper as he asks you what you guys are, he asks you just what you see him as, he almost sounds afraid to ask and his voice is riddled with total unsureness before he goes deathly silent after getting the question out of his dry mouth, his eyes staring up at your ceiling as his ears seem to ring at the sound of his own fearful voice and the pitiful question that left his mouth! pelle fails to realise that you are beyond half asleep when he asks his question, your brain barely manages to comprehend what he asked you but you manage to give a response, your tired voice mumbling into his band t-shirt covered chest about how he is your boyfriend, obviously before you seem to conk out for good… and pelle feels like he can breath freely when you answer, he feels as if a deadweight was lifted up from his weak shoulders as your words repeat over and over again in his tired mind, a tiny smile crawls across his face as he brings a hand up to stroke your hair before planting a timid kiss on your head as he feels himself drift off into a sleep of his own… in the morning, you will suddenly remember what he asked you just before you passed out and have a more serious conversation about it! you will tell him that of course you thought of him as your boyfriend and you will apologise for not making it clearer to him sooner, and as a sweet treat? you will go with him out to his favourite forest later that day when the sun begins to set and a camera in hand with just one video title in mind “ sucking my BOYFRIEND off deep in the woods and letting him CUM on my face ” and who could ever say no to that…

modern! pelle who does not quite move in with camgirl! reader but basically does move in with her

pell spends far more time at your apartment than he does at the house he shares with his band mates! your apartment brings him an almost unfamiliar sense of comfort and ease, he feels a strange sense of genuine enjoyment when he is surrounded by things that just have so much of you attached to them… pelle has found himself just touching so much of your stuff so many times, usually in quite innocent ways too! he has found himself bringing his pale fingers down to run along your hairbrush… he has found himself picking up one of your shirts from the laundry basket and bringing the soft cotton up to his nose in search of any scent of you that remains attached to the fabric, his hands tightening around the shirt and his breath huffing through his nose with satisfaction and pleasure when he finds the scent of you that he was searching for… he has found himself mindlessly fiddling with your hair ties that are always laying around somewhere in your apartment, his fingers examining and studying the loose hair strands that remain on the small and often used hair tie as his brain is indescribably pleased to know that the little strands of hair are a leftover part of you… he has found himself sniffing one of your candles and immediately letting out a breath of strange relief when he realises that the scent of this candle is the new and unfamiliar scent that he has been smelling around you and your clothes lately, that his brain was wrong in making him paranoid that maybe you had been getting close with someone else and had gotten bored of him…

modern! pelle who sometimes wants to be in the room whilst camgirl! reader streams

pelle does not always feel like having sex, nor does he always feel like having sex with you on your stream… but this does not mean that he does not still like to watch you please yourself and hell, it does not mean that he might not end up palming his cock through his tattered jeans as he watches you fuck yourself… he sits just behind your webcam, he stays out of view and he stays completely silent save for a few stuttered breaths and low groans that fail to even be picked up by the microphone due to your own moans and whines blocking them out! he enjoys just sitting against a wall and watching you work away at yourself, watching you please yourself with your own hands and your own devices whilst he studies your body or palms at himself through his pants, he loves feeling his breath hitch in his throat when your eyes drift just a little bit away from the webcam and meet his own… he loves when you lay your cheek down on the soft sheets of your bed and look right over at him, right into his curious blue orbs as you fuck yourself for the viewers him and he loves keeping your eyes locked in a stare of such primal want and need and such human curiosity as he observes the way your pupils blow out in a pure form of total euphoria when you reach your high and are forced to break away from the intense stare with pelle in order to let your eyes drop closed with pleasure… he likes that you looked away first, he feels a slight breath of relief leave his mouth when he realises that he will get to observe you and admire you in your post orgasm haze…

modern! pelle who sometimes just listens to camgirl! reader as she streams

pelle might not even come into your room and watch you stream, oh no! sometimes, he will just be walking around your apartment, he will just on his way to grab something from his bag and he will hear your moans echoing through the thin wooden door to your spare room, the room where almost all of your streams take place… of course pelle knew you were streaming, you always tell him beforehand so that he can either come in the room and watch or just so that he knows what you will be doing for a little while out of your day! he had already heard some of your louder moans through the walls as he sat on your bed in your now shared bedroom and sure, hearing those sudden loud moans would always send a strike of lighting through his stomach and straight to his cock but when he walked past the door and heard almost everything? when he walked past the closed door and heard every single one of your moans and your whines and your gasps? when he heard all of the noises and began picturing just what you were doing to yourself today? he stills outside of the door, halting in his step and leaning back against the wall before bringing a pale hand down to palm at his cock, he knows he could go into the bedroom and open your stream to watch and then just fuck you himself when you end it but something about listening in through a doorway makes him feel so oddly excited as he unbuttons his jeans and pulls his cock out… sometimes, after walking past the room and hearing those noises, he just cannot help himself! he just has to lean against the painted wall and fist his cock whilst picturing what you are doing to yourself, wondering how many fingers you are shoving into your sweet cunt or if you are using a toy today, he wonders if your cunt is just aching to be stuffed by his cock instead of your own fingers or some plastic… he just cannot stop himself from getting himself off in the hallway of your apartment and he knows it is so disgusting, what kind of person does this? what kind of person listens in on their girlfriend as she fucks herself for other people who are paying to see it? what kind of person gets off on that? but these thoughts only make pelle feel even more heated as low grunts and deep huffs leave his mouth, his hand tightening around his cock as he fastens his movements, his eyes squeezing shut before he lets out a strangled moan as he feels himself reach a sense of euphoria… it takes him a minute of reaching clarity to realise that his cum has splattered on your hardwood floors… but do not worry, he will be sure to get that cleaned up before you are done with your stream…

modern! pelle who lets camgirl! reader make a custom toy of him

pelle was somehow surprised when you asked to make a custom replica toy of his cock! despite how many times you had told him that he just had such a perfect cock and how it always filled you up so well, despite how many times you had praised him during sex about how his cock felt so heavenly inside of you… he was just surprised that you would actually want a toy of him, i mean… was it really that good to you? he never saw much special about his cock but then again, he did not tend to admire himself in a mirror all that much… but when you straddle him on the couch and begin nibbling at the pale flesh of his neck whilst explaining to him that yes, his cock really is that perfect and yes, he really is that good to you and when you mumble into his neck about how incredibly hot it would be to fuck yourself with a replica of him during your streams? oh… well that is what really gets pelle going as he thinks about it! it gets him so flushed and he can feel his cock hardening as he thinks about you using him a replica of him to fuck yourself in front of so many people who have no idea! he gets so hard at the thought of you fucking yourself into stupidity with something meant to exactly replicate his own cock… and yeah, this toy ends up doing wonders both for you and pelle, especially in the times before pelle was confident enough to join you on camera… he loved watching you fuck yourself with it, he loved really being able to see how much of a struggle it was for you to fit his cock into your tight little cunt, he adored really being able to watch as your cunt almost failed to take his full size… he loved watching your cream paint the replica of him in a layer of creamy goodness, he just loved watching you fuck yourself with what is basically a piece of him in front of all those people who you chose him over, you chose him and his €15 over everyone and you show it off like no other…

anyways, hope you like these at least a little anon <3

[bunnliix]

Hi Hi my sunshine <3

I would like to request a fic from you please <3

group: skz

members: Chanbin, Seungmin x reader

My idea is, that Seungmin maybe has met his first ever omega mate, him being an alpha, and he doesn´t know how to handle his omega when she suddenly starts nesting and her first heat is approaching. So, in lack of any ideas, Seungmin goes to his Hyung Changbin, who´s also an alpha (or maybe a beta?) and the younger one asks him for help?

I hope it makes sense...maybe Seungmin and y/n are the same age but never had a partner before and that´s why they´re a bit inexperienced with relationships?

I don´t mind if it´s sfw only or with some nsfw <3

thank you in advance <3

your kittykat sunflower :3

hihi sunflower! I love this idea it's so cute!!

Worries and Advice

Pairing: Seungmin x reader, Changbin & reader, Seungmin & Changbin Summary: Seungmin is unsure of how to handle his girlfriend's upcoming heat, and turns to his hyung for help. wc: 802 AU: a/b/o  Genre: Fluff/Angst  warnings: anxiety, worries, Seungmin being a caring partner but also worrying so much about being a good alpha,

Changbin hadn’t expected the person who showed up at his studio door, and definitely not the troubled look on their face.

“Hyung, I need your help.” Seungmin asked, his face full of worries.

Changbin immediately ushered the younger alpha into the studio, concerned over what worried his member to the point that he came to him for advice. When the vocalist was seated on the couch, only then did Changbin retake his spot in his rolling chair.

“What’s going on, Seungminnie? How can hyung help?” He inquired.

Seungmin didn’t answer for a minute, before he slowly started to explain the problem. “You know y/n and I have been together for a while now, but her first heat since we’ve gotten together is coming up soon, and I’m worried about how to be helpful. She’s started to nest as well, and I’ve given her things when she asks for them, but I’m not really sure what else I should be doing. I feel out of my depth, hyung.” Seungmin explained, ending off his explanation with a whine that was out of character for the normally composed alpha.

“Oh Seungmin.” The older alpha frowned at seeing the younger so out of character, and he quickly closed the distance between the two alphas, wheeling his chair over to the couch where Seungmin sat.

“It will be okay. Have you talked to her about this?” Changbin asked, reaching out and taking a hold of the other’s hands.

“I haven’t,” Seungmin admitted, “I don’t know how to bring it up to her, though I think she might have an idea about my nervousness already.”

“Well, that might be the first step,” Changbin said, “But I can tell you things that have worked for my mate, so you can feel like you’re not going into the conversation totally blind.”

Seungmin nodded, eager to learn. He knew his hyung was right, and that he should have gone to y/n first, but he didn’t want to sound like an idiot who knew nothing about heats. Y/n was the one for him, he knew it, and he didn’t want to mess anything up. He didn’t want to make her first heat while they were together, harder for her than it would already be at times.

“Hyemi tends to like being attached to me during her heats, so I usually will clear my schedules during her heats, and I won’t leave her side unless she’s asleep or I need to grab us food or drinks, or anything else she needs,” Changbin explained, “However, y/n will probably be different. You’re best off talking to her and asking how she’s dealt with her heats in the past, as I’ve said. It will be okay, Seungmin-ah. You can also look up common ways omegas deal with their heats as well as what they need. I can give you some sites that Hyemi has shown me.”

“That would be wonderful Changbin-hyung,” Seungmin replied, thanking the elder alpha.

Seungmin didn’t regret coming to Changbin-hyung, he always had the best advice, and helped him calm down just slightly. He didn’t feel so afraid to talk to y/n now, and now he knew that if he needed more help, his hyung would be there for more advice.

Standing up, he smiled at Changbin in thanks, “Thank you hyung, I’m gonna go home and talk to y/n now, I think.”

“No worries, Minnie-ah. Go talk to her, and hyung will be here if you need me.” Changbin waved off his thanks and watched the younger member walk out of his studio.

Seungmin almost rushed back to his and Felix’s dorm, where he knew y/n was, his mate having stayed over the previous night. Entering the dorm and finding it too quiet, he walked towards his room, checking the rooms on the way over, just in case she was there and just keeping silent. He found her asleep in his bed, having taken his bedding and some of her own bedding that she brought with her and made a nest.

“You just can’t get any cuter, can you?” He whispered, not that she would hear it anyways, being dead asleep. 

He pulled off his jacket and pants, moving to lay behind her in her nest, knowing she wouldn’t mind. Seungmin wrapped her arms around y/n, pulling her back into his chest as he rested his head on top of hers, breathing in their combined scents in the nest as he felt himself calm down.

He couldn’t bear to wake her up, no matter how much he wanted to talk to her. That conversation could wait until later, when they were both a bit more rested.

‘It will all be okay,’ Seungmin reassured himself as he fell asleep with his omega in his arms.

[the-alice-of-hearts]

Day 2 Stars/Space

Jason knew he was down bad for the idiot third Robin. He knew that things were bad before, but this was going to be a problem quickly if he couldn’t get his head on straight. Gotham had been put under a bubble of magic and it was causing people who were in love to have stars in their eyes when looking at the object of their affection. This was apparently fine for the rest of the clan, but Jason was not looking forward to going to this evening’s debrief. Damian had already claimed some sickness and was refusing to come out of his room until the magic was taken down, Dick was holding up remarkably well for the fact that everyone was having to watch his eyes light up around Bruce, Steph and Cass were comparing their stars to one another, and Duke was legitimately hiding out from the migraine that the lights all over were causing him. But Jason needed to be at the debrief and he’d heard Bruce order Tim to show up before retiring for the night. 

Jason had taken off his helmet and was contemplating if he could get away with wearing his mask through the debrief when Tim rolled into the cave. Jason tensed every part of his body to keep from looking up when he heard Dick gasp. “Oh, Tim.” 

Jason couldn’t help but look up at that, worried about the way that Dick said Tim’s name. He locked eyes with Tim and saw not just stars, but the depths of space in his eyes. They weren’t just singular, they were constellations that were burning with such an intensity that Jason could understand every novel that talked about getting lost in someone’s eyes. 

He took a step toward Tim and then hesitated before reaching up and taking off his mask. If Tim wasn’t afraid to wear his affection like a flag then Jason couldn’t be either. 

“I didn’t expect,” Jason started softly but then Tim was jumping into his arms forcing Jason to catch him. 

“I see you,” Tim said, staring into Jason’s eyes just as intently as Jason was looking at him. 

Tim’s eyes were a nebula where stars were born and died in the seconds that Jason watched. The fire and intensity of the space where Tim’s eyes should be left Jason feeling warm in a way that he would never be able to explain. 

“I love you,” Jason responded breathlessly. 

“I can see that.” Tim smiled. “You’re a galaxy that’s ever expanding, I can see the stardust in your eyes.” 

Jason leaned in and carefully kissed Tim’s lips. 

Tim smiled into the kiss and then pulled back. “I love you too,” he said before kissing Jason passionately. 

When Jason opened his eyes again he say that Tim’s eyes were still swirling galaxies, but they had flecks of golden stardust in them now. 

Bruce came over to talk to them but Jason only had eyes for Tim and started walking back to the cars. 

“Jason!” Dick called out.

Jason waved him off and kissed Tim again. “My place or yours?” 

Tim wiggled in his arms and then was climbing down him. “Yours, but we do need to listen to B’s explanation about all of this.” 

“He can send the sparknotes.” Jason disagreed and grabbed hold of Tim’s hand. “We have more important things to be doing.” 

Tim looked up at him and then smirked. “Okay, fine.”

[tyrantisterror]

At Sea Without a Map pt. 37

(damn, you guys wanted to talk to the croc even more than you wanted to fuck the fish!)

"Oh fuck," you say as the massive reptile's head emerges from the sand. Maybe it's a vain hope that this sea monster will be reasonable like Calibani, or maybe it's just your urge to be polite, but you stick your head out of the captain's cabin and shout, "Sorry, Mr. Alligator-"

"Crocodile," Calibani corrects you. "Only crocodiles have the snaggletooth smile - alligators have overbites."

"Crocodile, right. Sorry, Mr. Crocodile! We didn't mean to wake you up! Our boat just got stuck in the sand, and we were-"

I KNOW YOU.

The words thunder inside your brain as the crocodisle turns its massive head around to face you, its enormous snout locked closed in a snaggletoothed grin. It takes you a moment to realize you didn't hear the words so much as you thought them - or, rather, something else thought them into your own brain.

SHIP-BUILDER. WHALE-KILLER. HUMAN. YOUR KIND ARE MISCHIEF MAKERS WHO SWIM AGAINST THE CURRENT, AND CHANGE THE COURSE OF THE SEA IN YOUR WAKE. I KNOW YOU.

"I-I'm not making any mischief, honest," you protest. "We just got stuck is all-"

"it's true!" Calibani shouts. "Sailor is a nice human! They tried to save me even when I was going to eat them!" She clasps her hands together and shouts, "Please, don't hurt them!"

The crocodisle cocks its head to one side, its sharp pupils fixing on Calibani as she stands next to you in the captain's cabin.

A SERPENT? A CHILD OF SYCORAX, NO LESS. YOU TWO ARE AN ODD PAIR.

"Child of Sycorax?" You look at Calibani for an explanation, but she just stares back at you, apparently just as confused as you are.

The crocodisle shifts further, and as it does the sand covering its body begins to break apart and slide off its back and into the water, revealing more of its pale yellow scales.

I WILL FREE YOUR SHIP, HUMAN, IF YOU TELL ME WHAT YOUR BUSINESS IS HERE IN THE SEA.

Well, you got your wish - the giant crocodisle is talking to you. Now you just need to know what to say, and for that, you consult your compass.

(Dialogue time! Pick the topic you'd like to discuss in greatest depth, and feel free to suggest questions for Sailor to ask in the replies.)

[barkly-523]

About Dutch van der Linde

Hello tumblr rdr space! I do not go here, but I post on tiktok sometimes and have a dear buddy of mine who ive been talking to about some posts on here!

I will post a proper introduction at a later date, but for now I would like to put my own two cents in on some stuff ive been seeing recently, about Dutch.

Dutch is an incredibly COMPLEX character, and I feel that some people really horrifically miss that point sometimes. whether it be "Oh, he bonked his head!" or "Oh, this man is a monster!" both points are on opposite ends of the spectrum, but I believe they greatly miss the overarching theme of his character and who he is, and was, as a person. To merely dismiss all of his actions by saying "oh, hes just a monster, abuser, groomer, thats why hes the way that he is" shows nothing above a surface level understanding of his character, nor the characters of the people around him and those who choose to work with him. These characters were designed to have depth, to be studied, and understood on a deeper level. Why take such a basic explanation? I am not here to say Dutch is not without flaws (because he has alot of those), but I AM here to say that calling dutch a "groomer" or some sort of "cult leader, master manipulator" is just, factually incorrect.

Firstly, with the grooming point. This is an incredibly stigmatized word nowadays, so its crazy to use in general here, but by no means were people "groomed" into being outlaws. These people had flaws of their own, took bad paths, and ended up crossing paths with Dutch. Why did they cross paths with him? Well, I went through every "how they joined the gang" story I could find, and its about a 50/50 split between they tried to rob or kill dutch, Or that they were on the run and dutch gave them a safe place to stay, with some exceptions. The odds of these people bumping into someone far worse, in all cases, are exceptional. Most of the gang were in bad places when dutch found them, and they were getting desperate. Its incredibly possible they wouldve bumped into someone who wouldve killed them instead. John was saved from being hanged. Had Dutch and Hosea not been there, he wouldve died. Arthur outright says "dutch saved me, saved most of us." and although things did not turn out right at the end of the day, to believe that dutch was nothing more than a power-hungry manipulator is shown to be incorrect in the media itself. Colm exists. Hes literally right there. An antagonist who; doesnt know the names of the men in his gang, is shown to hit Kieran, who cares more for numbers than connection. Their feud goes back YEARS, and it all seems to stem from a fatal disagreement about how things were being run. When they split paths, Dutch keeps a tight knit gang of people who he considers family, Colm continues to grow his gang in numbers. At the very start of the game, dutch makes it clear that hed prefer the gang doesnt split up, that they stick together so *he can be sure everyone is okay.* He shows sympathy for Sadies situation, and takes her in to help her. Not once is it stated shes obligated to be there, in fact, its stated that she can stay as long as she needs to, to get back on her feet. She has the final say on whether she stays in the gang or not. The reason so many people stayed in the gang until it was actively collapsing, is not because dutch was forcing them to stay. They saw him as family just as he saw them.

Its why his character arc is so interesting. Its why watching his downfall is impactful. he ISNT a bad man, he does bad things out of desperation towards the end of the game, just as other gang members did in the very beginning. Dutch had bad tendencies, but he had people there to help him stay on the right track. His beliefs were good, its why he had people who stuck with him. They believed in what he taught. He had incredibly intelligent people in his gang, I'll use Lenny and Hosea as my examples for now. Lenny was taught by his father to judge peoples character, and even if his time with the gang was short he absolutely wouldve picked up on dutchs behavior if he was hiding behind some sort of mask. and HOSEA, has been with the dude for 20 YEARS. You cannot fake something for that long, and hosea is far from stupid aswell. He is a conman by nature. If dutch was trying to con everyone, surely he wouldve noticed. Arthur still regards dutch incredibly highly for a good majority of the game. He sees the man as a mentor and is clearly deeply affected watching dutch spiral and do bad things as the game goes on. At the beginning, when told Dutch had shot a girl on the blackwater job, his first response is to say that it "doesnt sound like him". Dutch is shown to have remorse for his actions, although he chooses to rarely talk about blackwater, and avoids the subject when its brought up, he explains to hosea, with shame, that he "really messed up" in blackwater. Micah had egged dutch on (as stated by John in a camp interaction) and dutch is shown to be regretful, that job really put everything in motion, but I truly believe micahs manipulation is what changed dutch.

Micah fed into his impulsive side, and tried to reassure him when things went wrong. When Arthur was kidnapped by Colm, Micah explained that Arthur was the type to wander, and surely, theyd see him back at camp. Dutch, ONCE AGAIN, shows regret. He shouldnt have put Arthur in such a position, and knows it. Dutch has impulsive tendencies, he has paranoid thoughts. This is shown in multiple camp interactions and even stated in one of the games first journal entries about the land they were going to settle on before the ferry job. To simply blow off all the depth of his character by saying "oh, hes bad" is so,, lame? Why focus on dutch specifically to say he did all of these bad things on his own accord when micah is, right there. Dutch literally goes crawling back to him in the epilogue. Partly for revenge, since seeing arthur on the cliffside was able to briefly break him out of the funk hed been in for the last few months (albeit far too late), but also partly because I dont think he knows how to be alone. I dont think he can handle it. Hosea and Arthur had been by his side the longest, and he had to watch both of them die. Late game conversations between dutch and arthur have always been fascinating to me, and even in Guarma dutch is still set on going back to keep the gang together. Thats his family, and he cannot lose them too. He outright states he'll do whatever it takes to make sure they survive. Arthur is startled by this, as dutch has been shown to be deadly and irrational, he isnt processing things well, and cannot handle the pressure on his shoulders, and it certainly doesnt help that Micah is in his ear telling him that Arthur and John are betraying him. He clearly doesnt want to believe it, but he cannot wrap his head around hoseas death, and assumes that the only way it couldve happened was if someone ratted, completely overlooking micah.

Dutch is not a smart man, and truthfully, he should have never been in a position of power, but he is not evil. He was desperate, and he was trying to keep his family together. Although I do not agree with the "Trolley Theory" for reasons stated above, I highly doubt him bashing his head like that helped with his mental state either. Dutch is desperate. Dutch does bad things, but he is far from a bad man. He helped the people in his gang, and although the found family turned sour in the end, they mattered to him, and it mattered to the gang. Dutch, CANONICALLY, was not always "bad" either. Arthur, Dutch, and Hosea robbed a bank, took what they needed, and gave the rest to the local orphanage. Dutch scolded Arthur for robbing someone who was "too poor" and said that doing that made them just as bad as the system they were fighting against, Dutch helped Hosea get on the right track and stopped him from stealing just about anything he could get his hands on. Dutch is a man who had good ideologies, and wanted to help people in his own way, but the pressures kept adding up and it broke him. Dutch, in RDR1, is a more objectively "bad" character, But look at how they fleshed him out in rdr2. Was the cliff scene nearly as impactful before the release of rdr2? absolutely not! Playing as john, we were thrown in with a baseline knowledge of their history, and now knowing the full story makes the cliff scene quite the harrowing experience if youre able to grasp the intricacies of dutchs character, to look at him as more than "just a villain".

This turned out to be far more ranty then I wanted, but I am so tired of seeing so much mischaracterization and demonization of a character with literally days worth of content to look at and study that shows some of the points I see from people to just be blatantly wrong. Lol

[dr-futbol-blog]

Grace Under Pressure, Pt. 5

Although we saw McKay start fighting with the jumper as though he could use rational (or at least impassioned) argument to convince it to play ball with him, when we join him again he has calmed down some. Even though the thought that he was going to die had given him momentary pause, he seems not to have given up but can still be found trying to figure out something to save himself. However, he has to pause his tinkering when he becomes aware of his physical sensations and although he now recognizes that he is feeling cold, it is possible he has been growing cold for a while without having paid any attention to the fact until this moment.

McKay: Oh. I'm freezing! Why am I so cold? Oh, no! I haven't lost that much blood, have I? Of course, it-it could have something to do with the billion or so gallons of freezing water you're surrounded by, you idiot! Alright, I need to heat this thing--

This is interesting. When suffering from a head wound that often bleed profusely, it is a sensible conclusion to come to that he might be going into shock and feeling cold because of that. It tells us that although possibly due to his tendency to dissociate he is not as aware of his physical sensations as most people, he is not in denial of reality or suppressing uncomfortable thoughts. McKay might well be going into shock. However, he then very quickly comes to the realization that the depth and volume of the ocean water surrounding him is the more likely culprit for him feeling cold in this moment, and this is surprising given how McKay himself had confessed to Beckett in Instinct (S02E07) that he was a hypochondriac (which may have been a misdiagnosis because if he had diagnosed himself with six conditions in college that had been undetected in his childhood home due to negligence, he might even have been low-balling the estimate at the time). If McKay was a hypochondriac like we have been lead to believe by himself most of all, he would have grasped onto this idea. But instead, he rationally disabuses himself of the notion and finds the most sensible explanation for the phenomenon.

What is real interesting here is again the way he talks to himself. He begins by talking in the first person, going over his own physical sensations. Then, his tone of voice changes completely, he takes on an accusatory tone and changes into the second person, and he actually calls himself an idiot using this whole other persona. He is talking to himself as someone else, and this someone else calls him not just a name but probably the worst name that you even could call him, from his point of view. And he does not mention his name, so we do not know whether this person who calls him an idiot in his mind would have called him McKay, Rodney -- or Meredith (which, to be fair, is a later retcon).

Now, back in Lost Boys (S02E10), we heard McKay on Ford's planet, while he was under the influence of the enzyme, talking to himself in the voice of someone that very much seemed like his father. Even though this persona now is also clearly talking down to him, that is not necessarily what this is because although this tells us how McKay has been spoken to in his past, this person is still trying to help him survive this ordeal, is still in his corner here. This is why, and we will return to this later, this may actually be McKay talking to himself in the voice of his own sister. This is what he thinks his sister would say to him in this situation.

"You are surrounded by a billion gallons of freezing water, you idiot" is the kind of thing that his sister might well have told him, and that is what the internal model he has of Jeannie -- who may have been in her late teens when last they have actually known each other, been in actual contact -- may have told him. Trying to save your life while making sure you know you are the dumbest man alive is precisely the kind of thing that a younger sister would do. Regardless, is is another clear case of dissociation. He actually clearly changes his whole tone as he talks to himself as someone else, like he does here.

McKay: ...and I don't want it cost me a lot of power. Can we at least do that, please? Ah, there you go! See? I'm not greedy. I just don't wanna freeze to death. Oh, come on!

Following that little pep talk, McKay again switches back to the first person and continues his dialogue with the jumper, although he likely does not really see it as a sentient being despite how magical the technology of the Ancients might seem to them. In effect, he is talking to it like he hopes that by maintaining friendly relations with the machine he might be able to guarantee benevolent outcomes. It is the same as why people might talk to printers or used to hit their television sets (this is called "Tool anthropomorphism" that goes back to when cave men started creating flint tools, imbuing pieces of technology with personalities to ensure that we take proper care of expensive equipment), where people likely do not think that the printer or television is really out to get them but it does not hurt to approach it with measured reverence and ritual actions, especially when needing to print something important quickly because some primitive part of our brains thinks that the machines can sense it when we are afraid.

McKay's understanding of Ancient technology is surpassed by none and while he recognizes that there is much he does not understand, he does not view it as magical whatsoever. But regardless, it is a trick of the human brain to want to bargain with machines and that is what we see him doing here. He is begging and pleading and cajoling, calling it names and trying to tell it he is a good boy, trying any and everything just to see if anything sticks. And given that Ancient technology works in mysterious ways and neither we as the audience nor the humans now using Ancient technology on the show via the ATA gene really understand how the mental component of their technology really works, it is possible that McKay actually gets the jumper to respond to him later on. McKay is talking to the jumper so the jumper may be wanting to talk back to him.

McKay: A little heat's gonna cost me forty minutes? Is that really how you want this to go down, huh? You wanna freeze me to death? You sure you wouldn't rather I imploded with you, you, you, you lemon? Do you even have an opinion anyways, you, you... no. Why? Because you are an inanimate object!

And so McKay goes off on the jumper, needing to vent out his fear and frustration over the situation. But he also again shows his self-awareness in acknowledging that he is talking to an inanimate object and that his rant is not going to do a damn thing to change his situation beyond making him temporarily feel better. Although he clearly has many issues and has likely been seeing a therapist for several actual reasons, McKay is intelligent and rational enough that it is difficult for him to be delusional and it may be impossible to tell oneself comforting lies when they can be dismantled using argumentation. Even if it might have shielded him from pain that he had been able to escape his reality as a defenseless child, McKay is far from delusional.

McKay also calls the jumper a lemon which is maybe not the worst thing he could call something but is the thing that knows is most definitely trying to kill him, and as discussed previously, it is possible that he has had a near death experience involving lemons in his childhood through which he had discovered his deathly allergy to citrus. It is not that he does not like lemons, it is that he knows lemons do not like him and want him dead, and hence the jumper is being a lemon because it seems to him like it is also wanting him dead now -- in addition to simply being a piece of faulty machinery, also called lemons. Only, his rational mind knows that lemons do not really have ill will against him and he knows that the jumper is not doing this out of a personal vendetta. And he knows that blowing up on it is not going to help any.

McKay: Does that stop me from talking to you? Oh, no-no-no-no-no, my inanimate friend, because I have been struck upon the head, you see? There. So...

McKay further recognizes that he is starting to feel more than a little hysterical and although he recognizes that talking to himself while pretending to talk to an inanimate object could be construed as -- what's the clinical term -- a little nuts, he chalks it up to his head wound. His use of the phrase "struck upon the head" is a little curious here because although it is used in a different context (God makes an East wind rise and he is struck upon the head by the sun), it is found in the Biblical story of Jonah and the whale in The Book of Jonah. Although McKay is not a prophet being humbled by a deity, the giant fish certainly connects this narrative with that of Jonah. It would frankly be more surprising if the writer of the episode had not been reading the Biblical story than that there would be some references in the episode to it.

McKay: Twenty minutes of power for just enough heat to stave off hypothermia. You drive a hard bargain, my friend, but you've got a deal. I just made a deal with you! A deal! Let's Make A Deal! You've got a deal! That's not funny.

McKay manages to shave 20 minutes off the first estimate of how much power warming up the jumper would cost him and as he again anthropomorphizes the interaction, he thinks that it is mildly amusing to call this making a bargain with the inanimate object, of making a deal with the machine. But again, he very quickly recognizes that he is not actually making any deals with the jumper and that he is both starting to feel slightly hysterical and that there must be some outside reason for him to be feeling this way because this is not normal behaviour for him. This tells us precisely how self-aware McKay is.

But first, let us recognize the reference he makes to the television show Let's Make a Deal. This show was not only popular when McKay was a child, it was also hosted by a Canadian (often called "Canadian-American", which may be relevant) man Monty Hall, and given that the show featured contestants making a choice that could improve their life, it might have appealed to young McKay. The premise of the show featured audience members making deals with the host who is most famous for inspiring the so-called "Monty Hall problem" that is a probability puzzle where the contestant is given a choice of opening three doors where one door holds the prize and the two other doors hide some nastier outcome.

In the dilemma, the question is whether the contestant should hold onto their original choice of door even after the host reveals what is behind one of the other two doors that are not the contestant's original choice. The reason for them to make the reference to the show and ostensibly to this logic puzzle is that later on McKay kind of has to make this choice with "Carter" playing the role of the host where his choices are whether to use up his remaining power in trying to save himself or to save up as much power as he can to ensure that the people trying to rescue him have as much time to find him as he can give them.

Obviously it is note purely a logic puzzle to him because he is both impaired by what he at least perceives of as a hallucination trying to distract him and by his subconscious fear that he is not actually worth saving, but there is something Monty Hallish in the options he is presented. However, he does not seem to account for the fact that "Carter" is not actually a game show host playing against him but is someone trying to save him and hence he has no reason to dig in his heels and to stick to his original choice as he might have otherwise. But this is slight foreshadowing for what happens later, at this point this is just McKay making such a bad joke that he realizes even he should not be finding it as funny as his giggles might lead one to believe. Something is not right.

McKay: What's wrong with me? It's euphoria, elation, over-confidence, it's... Hypoxia! I've gotta dial up the CO2 scrubbers or I'm gonna die of hypoxia. That is so funny!

We get further confirmation of how self-aware McKay is. He stops to review how he is currently feeling and he even acknowledges his feeling of over-confidence immediately which just tells us that while people might view McKay as arrogant, usually he is just aware of his own talents and does not bother couching his skills in false modesty. He is intelligent, better at the things that he is good at than most people, and he sees no benefit in pretending that he is not just so other people might feel better about themselves. But he can also tell when his confidence is not earned and in this case, when he has absolutely no reason to feel confident, he quickly comes to the conclusion that there must be some cause for the feeling that is coming from outside of himself.

The fact that they reference hypoxia here is another thing connecting this episode to 38 Minutes (S01E04), as though the parallels were not obvious enough as is. McKay mentioned hypoxia to Ford, telling him that he preferred dying from hypoxia to explosive decompression where here his current choices seem to be between hypoxia, hypothermia and implosion. But he seems to have taken what Sheppard told him then to heart, not accepting any of these choices as something final, instead remembering that as long as he used his brain (not using his mouth seemed to continue to be a problem, but he could use his brain and his mouth at the same time), he could still find his way out of this situation. One thing at a time. First thing he had to make sure was that his brain would be getting enough oxygen if he was going to think his way out of this.

Continued in Pt. 6

[cicidarkarts]

Can you list your favorite characters in order? (Aside from Idrees) and explain why you that way about them? Like an explanation on how you feel about them? It’s nice to know there’s other people in the fandom of the breadwinner still talking about it. 💜💙 You fanart is always slaying!

D… Don't talk about Idrees?? fangirl brain short-circuits

Okay but yeah, I do have thoughts on the other characters as well, just not as crazy in-depth headcanons (mostly). I can't really say that any of these characters are in order because I haven't thought to number them.

WITH ONE EXCEPTION.

Shauzia??? ;0; Gurl, can we just talk about how much I love this chaos gremlin? She's the type of mf who is like "have I ever steered you wrong?" knowing 100% she fuckin has. She's somehow even more of a chaotic demon in the book. omg Parvana do you want to be a grave digger?? omg Parvana let's sell our wares in this totally not bizarre arena full of very angry men and then be traumatized when we see another man's hands get cut off.

I love this girl. On one of those Alignment Charts, she would be Chaotic Neutral. Also she's adorable?? Like how, that's illegal.

I do have a headcanon about the girls that involves Shauzia dragging Parvana into the underbelly of Afghanistan where all the debauchery secretly takes place and stumbling upon the metalhead anarchist society. Unfortunately, my headcanons end there because brain is obsessed with Idrees so that's what I'm forced to follow.

(me right before I sneeze)

But yes, Shauzia is my second favorite character. I love that she's so assertive where she can be, despite her circumstances. She really had Parvana's back no matter what, and it pained me that the movie just kinda left her hanging at the end. We truly did NOT have enough time to wrap everything up.

More below the cut!

Parvana had some of the greatest parts in the entire movie.

Parvana is a strong character who wants to do what's right. Witnessing the horrors around her could've broken her, but she didn't let it. She didn't let it taint her views of right and wrong, she didn't let it break down her spirit. She fought every day to get what she needed and wanted. Parvana went from shut down and trying to avoid confrontation to confident and independent over the course of this movie. She lost sight of herself a few times but always came back around due to her strong moral compass.

Parvana is a fascinating character, proactive and powerful, and much better in the movie than in the book imo. She was the Mom Friend. She just wanted to comfort people and make them feel better, kiss their wounds where she could, and she would give you the shirt off her back if it didn't reveal that she's actually a girl. She's brave and an amazing MC to follow.

Underrated Queen, hello??? Can we talk about how Fattema was a badass for most of this movie? Her husband was taken away, she had no idea if she would ever see him again, she risked her life going out to try and appeal his case, and then after she got the absolute shit beaten out of her, she still managed to escort Parvana back to the "safety" of their house.

The realism of her depression after this was so sad to witness. How she wanted so badly to be there for her children whom she loves so much but was literally and figuratively beaten down by the system at every turn. Her worry over her daughters and son, how she fought so many times. The end of her arc? Where she stood up for herself and her family, asserted her dominance by proving that she was "insane" to this shitty man, and WON?? Oh my god, I was going feral. What an absolute badass.

(yeah that's right, fafo; this guy is fucking terrified of her I'm dead)

Okay I'm ngl Parvana's sister Soraya was like not even on my radar most of the time, I'm sorry ;-; I feel bad because she was a sweet older sister who supported Parvana. They had a lovely sibling relationship that was full of teasing and affection. But they didn't take the time to give her more than that. So she's more of a footnote in the characters to me, which sucks. :( I didn't even remember her name, I had to look it up, I'm so sorry 😭

If you go into the dictionary and look up the word sweetie pie, you'll find a picture of this man. Don't worry, I'll wait.

Nurullah lived his life considering women as his equals. People who deserved love and respect and education just as much as any man. He's a soft-spoken sweetheart who just wanted to teach his daughters how to think for themselves so they could grow up as strong women (as much as they could be in this environment). He risked his life lying to a member of the Taliban and unfortunately paid the price dearly. His state at the end of the movie was heartbreaking to witness and I can't even imagine the abuse he endured while in Pul-e-Charkhi.

Yet this man still smiles when he is reunited with his family. This man still has his spirit despite the abuse and neglect and the wars he's been through. We don't give him the credit he deserves for being a sweet, kindhearted person in spite of everything this world threw at him. Fattema is a lucky woman to have gotten with this cinnamon bun of a man.

(Zaki) ghiagahiohhrklh;nklj HE'S ADORABLE I'M LITERALLY SHAKING AND CRYING RN 😭😭😭😭 But also he's like 2 years old so there's not much to say about him but holy fuck he's soooo cute I'm gonna cry

Who is this man he's ADORABLE???

how the fuck 😭😭 HOW DID HE GET HERE?? He teleported dude, I'm scared

If you go into the dictionary and look up the word teddy-

Razaq is one of the more interesting characters in this movie. He's very complex and-- what if I just immediately moved onto the next character that would be so

LOOK AT THIS SWEETHEART CINNAMON BUN CUTIE PATOOTIE THERE ARE NO THOUGHTS BEHIND THESE EYES HE HAS TO RUB TWO BRAIN CELLS TOGETHER TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET HOME BECAUSE HIS THOUGHTS ARE ONLY CANDY WHO ARE YOU UNNAMED CANDY MAN I NEED TO KNOW

Okay I'll be serious, I'm sorry. I actually really enjoy Razaq. He's a jaded man who doesn't seem like he really wants to be serving the Taliban. I wish we could've gotten more into why he's doing it, because he seems like the antithesis of everything the Taliban stands for. I'd like to believe he's only here to stop the young people (like Idrees) from doing extremely stupid things and getting themselves or other people hurt. But we're never given an explanation.

That scene in which Parvana reads him that letter about his wife's death, and he leaves without another word, was a heart-wrenching scene. He was trying so hard not to cry. LOOK AT HIM ;-; Nooooo

Razaq shows us that not every man in Afghanistan wants to beat and oppress women, even though these types of man aren't exactly in the majority, or are perhaps just silent for fear of retaliation (which we see a lot as well). It's such a mind-fuck that Parvana reflects upon it in confusion. "Up until then, she had seen Talibs only as men who beat women and arrested her father. Could they have feelings of sorrow, like other human beings?"

Razaq puts himself in grave danger for Parvana, a young girl he barely knows and owes nothing. This ends up with him getting into a physical altercation with one of the guards at Pul-e-Charkhi, in which Razaq gets shot but survives (as far as we know). He pulled Nurullah out of there to fulfill his promise to Parvana. He lost everything but still gave it his all for this little girl just to see some hope in her eyes.

My name is Suleiman. My mother is a writer. My father is a teacher. And my sisters always fight each other. One day I found a toy on the street. I picked it up. It exploded. I don't remember what happened after that… Because it was the end.

[generic-sonic-fan]

Happy pride! Here's some headcanons.

In-depth explanations beneath the cut (please keep in mind that these are personal and that I actually don't really stand by any that strongly! This is just for fun.)

Sonic: okay do I really need to explain this one?

Knuckles: What can I say, his gender contains multitudes. He's definitely a member of the "I don't care" camp for both gender and sexuality. He is what he is, loves who he loves, and doesn't give two rips about what other people might say. I like to imagine he plays around with both genders of clothing from echidna culture.

Amy: oh Amy, my sweet summer child. It's so autistic and queer of you to relentlessly declare your love for someone of the opposite sex because it's what is expected of you. I did the same in third grade before I realized that the other girls meant what they were saying about their target boy. Heteronormativity is a bitch, get well soon <3

Rouge: I think she fucked around with being she/they for a while before settling back on she/her. And bi icon, of course.

Blaze: okay do I really need to explain this one?

Silver: That is one nonbinary hedgehog if I ever saw one! He's a he/him by convenience alone. He hasn't had the chance to explore his sexuality yet unfortunately.

Big: He's good with he/him and that's all he cares about. Not a super strong connection to his assigned gender at birth but he likes being a boy well enough. As for his sexuality, he never figured out what everyone was going on about when it came to sex, and only recently figured out it was because he was literally missing that 'sexual attraction' thing.

Shadow: is nonbinary as fuck and has no idea. Honey, seeing masculinity as a burden you have to bear is not normal!!! He's also demi-ace. It takes a very close relationship with someone to even consider sexual attraction.

Cream: happy being a girl! Hasn't really thought about crushing on anyone yet.

Tails: Internalized homophobia + transphobia from being bullied go brrrrrr. Besides, Sonic doesn't spend much time thinking about these things, so why should he? (Tails. Tails listen to me. Sonic's aro and knew he was trans at an unusually young age. he's a statistical outlier with how early he figured it out PLEASE consider that and don't base your self-discovery journey on him. . .)

Metal: You all know my headcanons for this one. Metal was assigned male by Eggman from its earliest iterations and gender dysphoria is literally 98% of all of its problems. Please get this robot some estrogen. As for sexuality, full romantic attraction is definitely on the table but jesus christ this robot needs to do some work on itself before that. Please read Complex Inquiries if you want me to elaborate that's like my master's thesis on this subject

Vector: Gave his gender a really good thinking before shrugging and sticking with his assigned gender at birth. Also pan as hell, definitely dated some femboys in high school I think.

Espio: Currently in the process of speculating if he's nonbinary. Keeps very quiet about it though. But he knows he likes dudes, so there's that.

Charmy: He's bit-sexual. Whatever he needs to be for the punchline of the joke to land, frankly.

Omega: For narrative parallel reasons to Metal Sonic, I love to headcanon that Omega wasn't programmed with a gender, but then discovered that masculinity is traditionally associated with aggression and violence and went ham. Doesn't mind getting she/her'd, doesn't exactly like they/them, but it/its is of the highest offense. He will kill you for that. As for his sexuality, (I know he's a robot but PLEASE hear me out) he's demi-aro! He'd have no idea that any sort of feelings on his part are happening until it was too late. He'd hate himself for it and promptly bury said feelings beneath so many layers.