#I feel like I have it a fair shot but woof

[violethyacinth]

I hate to say it fellas but Beyond ReAnimator was a bad bad movie. Bordering on good-bad for parts but for the most part… oof, no sir, I’m good on that.

Jeffrey Combs as Herbert was about the only good part tbh I’m so sorry. Why tf did Howard say Laura reminded him of his dead sister Emily and then immediately fuck her? Very weird. I guess the movie was on the whole fun to watch and good for a laugh but it is not at all what I’d call a good flick.

Herbert was serving tho and I love him for that

[oldguardleatherdog]

Do you have any general tips or advice for someone who has some experience with going to kink events, is otherwise relatively new, and badly wants to get involved with their local leather community but doesn't really know where to start?

Sure! Consider yourself started. Posting an ask here with your blog identity unmasked is already more than many of us had the nerve to do when we started out, and since you've had exposure to real-life kink in an event setting, you're in a good spot to scope out your scene and start engaging.

If you attended local events and saw people or activities that you clicked with or were drawn to, follow up on those - take the plunge and make contact. This can be a daunting task, but you already know that this gig is not for the timid, so step out!

Are there organized activities going on in your community or region? Check the usual online places and kink sites (Facebook - yes, the dinosaur site - is a solid kink event listing resource), and check out the flyers and bulletin boards in your local LGBTQ+ spots, see what aligns with your interests.

Pretty straightforward, right? But there's more! Information is great to have, but showing up is the money shot, so to speak 😈

In Pup Play, one of the hardest things to do is the first thing: getting yourself down to the ground. Breaking the 4-legged barrier. Dang, it was hard to do in public - especially with friends looking on - and this was 35 years ago when such displays were unheard of! But once I braved my way through it, I was hitting the ground and barking up a storm in every gay bar, kink event, street fair and open mike poetry slam in the West. (It helps if you're a giant HAM like me, but not required 🙂)

So that's really my best advice to you: Hit the ground. Take the dive off the cliff, be your best bravest self and show up for the gigs!

I've a feeling you're going to be welcome and feel at home more often than not, and you get to be in the driver's seat for how you want to shape your approach and find your place and your people.

Thank you for the ask! Happy hunting and a fabulous Pride to you!

Woofs + wags,

Bruzr 🦮🐾🧡

[darklydeliciousdesires]

The Dark Passenger - Chapter Five.

A huge thank you for such glowing feedback! Yep, I went full on man bastard with EZ and ohhhh, you’re all going to hate him so much more by the time I’m done here! Oh, and to the people reading who only offer a like, could I tempt a little comment out of you, perhaps? Maybe a reblog? Your author is in need of feeling appreciated :)

Previous chapters - One  Two  Three  Four

Words - 3,576

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

Tag list - In the comments. Please DM to be added/removed

“It is a pity, Ezekiel, that your club voted down on the idea of you supplying us with the product, but this does not mean we shall not continue to press ahead with it.”  

EZ closed his eyes for a few seconds, a wave of cold, biting anger rising within him. Of course, what Soledad wanted, Soledad got. And she wanted her product cut with fentanyl, doubling the club’s risk, except with none of the payoff they would receive from organising the supply. He knew it was bad when she’d called him personally, rather than relaying the message to Miguel Galindo in his role as intermediatory between the two groups. When she wanted to be nothing but a hundred percent clear, she always did reach out personally, though.

The head of the LNG might have been tiny, but lord, she was mighty.  

“Message understood,” EZ spoke, each word almost bitten as they passed over his lips. “Until next time.” Hanging up, he hurled his phone across the clubhouse in a fit of rage, a couple of glasses following. It was all their fault, the sets of eyes that watched him, expectant for an answer. “She’s going ahead with it anyway, so our risk is doubled, and we get no pay out from it. I hope you’re all fucking happy with the gutless choices you made. Every single one of you bar Nestor, all lacking in spine.”  

“EZ, that ain’t fair,” Bishop spoke up. “Truly, you shouldn’t have approached her before you did us, given her the idea she could have easily cut us out from, which is exactly what she did.” In his naivety, green as he was in some respects in dealing with a cartel as he navigated his way through being president of an MC, of course, EZ was bound to make the kind of mistakes Bishop wouldn’t have. He needed to see here that this was one of them.  

And beneath his rage, EZ did know it, which is what caused his fury to pulse even whiter hot, knowing it was his fuck up.  

“How is it gonna be more of a risk, though?” Hank interjected with. “You said you’d got a chemist organised.”

EZ’s head shot round to look at him sharply. “One she didn’t mention to me she’d be using. We have no power over how this will be being controlled here, so that’s where the risk lies. What else do you need fucking spelling out for you tonight, huh?”  

Hank left it there, nodding in the wake of his president’s vented venom, venom he continued to let pour. Everyone received a yelling at from a highly irate EZ, his tirade only coming to an end when he felt something soft brush his leg, a wet nose pressing into his hand. Looking down, he saw his faithful pitbull sitting at his feet, her tail wagging, eyes pleading with him not to shout any longer. Sally was perhaps the only thing he had close to him who could calm his rage.  

He was so stressed and so worked up, his head was pounding, but the pureness in her big, brown eyes soothed him, EZ jerking his head towards the back of the clubhouse. “Come on, you want food?”

Woof.  

His jaw was still set as he cast a disapproving glance around the room, turning and heading for the stairs. Above the clubhouse, for many years it had just been a mainly disused, dusty old attic. That was until EZ took the gavel and decided to convert it into an apartment, growing tired of life within a trailer. It wasn’t huge, but it was big enough to call home, had a small bathroom and kitchen area, and most importantly, a large bed he could stretch out on, or be able to roll around upon with a girl without ending up on the floor. That last girl had left her underwear there the night before, EZ picking up the small, orange thong from the mess of sheets in the unmade bed and putting it in the trash.  

She was forgettable. She wouldn’t be returning.  

Heading to the kitchenette, he pulled out the large bag of dried dog food, putting the cupful into Sally’s clean bowl and turning to place it on the floor, patting her belly as she scampered over to eat. For himself, he chose a pouch of ready mixed grains and quinoa, mixing it with broccoli and chicken, something simple and quick, since he hadn’t eaten anything close to decent in nutritional content all day. Coffee and tacos were far from it.  

By the time midnight had rolled around, he felt no better, his headache still present despite the Advil he’d taken, Sally curled up in her bed asleep while he lay back listening to music quietly. He needed a distraction from his residual fury, and knew exactly where to go looking for it.  

Camille felt her stomach explode with butterflies when she turned at the top of the pole, seeing EZ beaming up at her from the previously empty seat, the club virtually dead at that time, just twenty-five minutes from closing. She’d been wondering when he’d pop up, and despite the words of warning from her friends, despite Mai’s near unbreakable assumption that he was married, she’d been secretly feeling excitement about when she’d see him again.  

“I see that perfect ass is back to being perfect again,” he commented as she dismounted the pole neatly sauntered over, deciding to call it a night.  

Reaching to the back of the stage where it dropped down and met the back of the bar, she picked up her glass of diet Coke, moving to seat herself next to him. “Yes, all healed very nicely, now.” Sipping her drink, she set her glass down, suddenly having him lean into her space, kissing her softly.  

It made her a little anxious, since Martin advised the girls not to fraternise with anyone they might be dating while out on the floor, that it was a sure-fire way to kill the fantasy from the client's point of view, but Camille didn’t know what he was to her yet. Was he just casual sex? Where they at the beginning of the dating game?  

“Are you hungry?”  

The randomness of his question made her chuckle softly, her face contorting in a way that had him return such. “I could eat.”  

“Good,” he hummed, sipping his beer. “I know a place, open ‘till late to deal with people rolling out of the bars and clubs in search of food. Are you okay with Jamaican food?”

Now, there was something new. “I’ve no idea, I haven’t ever tried it.”  

Forty minutes later, and she was pulling into a parking space behind his bike, EZ waiting while she got out of the car, taking her hand in his and walking her down the street to where the small eatery was located. “So, how was work?”  

Taking her for food, hand holding, inquiring about her day. Yep, maybe this was the beginning of them dating. “Tiring on both counts. Trudi booked me in to give three massages and four electrolysis treatments to do, and then having to grasp a pole all night hasn’t really helped the hand cramps.”

“Well, there go my plans for later.” She couldn’t help but snort with laughter, giving him a little shove against his huge arm when he looked down at her with a wink.  

“There’s nothing wrong with my mouth.”

Her statement made a bolt smoulder right through him, remembering just how amazing she was at blowjobs. Hell, he had to have something to look forward to, and maybe quell the persistence of his headache. Looking at her again, his smile grew, suddenly halting, leaning down to kiss her. “She’s the girl who says all the right things.”  

“I do?” she questioned, EZ continuing to lean down to her diminutive height, her back bending further.  

“Mmm.”

She giggled, her arch continuing, glad of her flexibility. “Mmm?”

“Mmm.” His confirming hum was followed by another kiss, straightening again quickly, taking her hand in his once more. She walked along fizzing on the inside, all hopped up on the brand-new energy, the excitement of it all. As for EZ, everything was going exactly as he wanted it to. Hell, he was even enjoying it on a level that wasn’t tied to him playing games with her, deliberately making himself unavailable for a week, not leaving his phone number so he was the one in control of when he saw her again, keeping her hooked with the token of flowers.  

She was hotter than hell, too. He enjoyed the envious looks he received from passers-by at seeing him with such a stunning woman, it fed the need for his ego to be ever-inflated quite nicely. No more so than when they walked into the establishment with the amazing aromas drifting from the door, Horace, the owner, immediately thrusting a fist across the counter.  

“Ezekiel!” he roared brightly, smiling a mouthful of silver teeth. “How’s it going, my brother? And damn, you didn’t tell me you were dating Pamela Anderson! You slummin’ it down here away from Hollywood, darlin’?”

EZ bumped fists with him, grinning. It hadn’t escaped him, that she very much resembled the famous blonde actress. “Yeah, all good, Horace. This is my girl, Camille.”

Immediately, she widened her eyes while turning to look at him. “I’m your girl?”

“Yeah,” he chirped, leaning in close, kissing her neck several times.  So, there was no wife, then. Surely if there was, he wouldn’t be so open about referring to her as his girl. “Why wouldn’t you be?”

She wanted to say because they still barely knew one another, because it hadn’t been discussed, but the way he looked at her, god, she let herself get swept up by it, the tornado that was EZ and his obvious affection towards her. He noticed it, though, that she looked a little spooked by the rapidity of his statement.  

“Good to meet you, Camille. Imma call you Pam, though!” Horace boomed, clapping his hands together with a loud, raucous laugh. “Now! What are you guys eating?” EZ ordered the jerk chicken and steamed vegetables, Camille looking up at the menu, unsure.  

“What would you recommend for someone who hasn’t sampled Jamaican food before?”  

“Do you like spicy, my darlin’?” Horace asked, heaping jerk chicken into a takeout container.

“I do, but not too much,” she confirmed.

“Then I recommend the stew chicken, with rice and peas.” She took his recommendation, EZ paying him and grabbing a couple of sodas from the fridge before they sat down, Camille taking her first mouthful with a soft noise of appreciation.  

“Oh my god, that’s so good!” she exclaimed, looking very happy. “Thank you, too.”

“You’re welcome,” he began, licking a drip of hot sauce from his lip. “Oh, and I didn’t mean to freak you out or rush things by calling you my girl, it’s just that anything else either felt too much, or too casual. We don’t have to be official or anything, so don’t panic. I’m like my name, easy.” The tone of her eyebrow raise earned her a soft foot to the shin under the table. “Behave!”

“What?” she exclaimed. “You said it.” They paused, sharing a look before falling into laughter. Official, unofficial, whatever it was, she was enjoying it immensely. He was the nicest, most attentive guy she’d dated in a while. Once they were done eating, they returned to her place, Camille thinking they’d head right on through to the bedroom, EZ surprising her by taking a seat on her couch.  

“Can I be a pain and request a coffee, please?” he asked, Camille leaning to kiss his head.

“That isn’t being a pain, of course, you can. How’d you take it?”

“One sugar and the tiniest splash of milk. If you by chance have any dairy free, that’d be awesome. I got this fucking headache, and dairy always seems to make them worse,” he revealed, his eyebrows knitting together.  

“Yeah, I have almond milk in the fridge. It makes much nicer smoothies than regular. And protein shakes, they go all thick...” she began, EZ chiming in with her.

“Like a McDonald’s shake!” they both spoke at the same time, Camille nodding vigorously, heading back through the lounge and into her kitchen, finding her guest had decided to follow after a few moments, hindering her progress around grabbing mugs and tipping coffee grinds into the machine by having him clutching her waist as he kissed the side of her neck.  

“You’re hampering me here, Ezekiel,” she complained lightly, switching the machine on, the element hissing into life, EZ finally letting go and leaning back against the counter. “So, I didn’t get to ask you how your day was? How was the shifting of many, many tonnes of metal?”  

Of course, she wasn’t to know that his illegal activities far outweighed any kind of work he did around the scrap yard. Few did. He wasn’t about to reveal that he’d ridden to a meet in order to negotiate some kind of truce with the Sons that morning, his terms clear. Back down, allow the heroin to flow freely through their turf, or feel the weight of the Mayans continue to bear down upon them. Chibs Telford didn’t intimidate him.  

He also couldn’t reveal to her that his wife, the famously fearsome former IRA foot soldier turned arms dealer very much did, EZ instructing everyone to run checks from then onwards upon any vehicle they happen to climb behind the wheel of, or motorcycle they mounted, since he knew well Abigail Telford’s penchant for making vehicles of those who displeased her explode.  

She might not have been a member of the club, but she was, by extension and marriage to the president of the mother charter, a very, very lethal asset to the Sons. He also knew he didn’t need the weight of the army coming for his club, should he decide to make the iron lady of Charming disappear in a pre-emptive move to thwart that possible threat.  

No, EZ definitely couldn’t reveal much about the day that had begun with him getting up at 4am to deal with the mother charter of the Sons, and ended up with him having his idea swiped out from under him by the cartel he and his club ran heroin for. Even if he could, he wouldn’t. There would always be a part of himself that would remain mysterious to her, without Camille ever actually knowing it.  

“It was tiring,” he began in answer, stifling a genuine yawn, “productive, though.” She wondered to herself what he’d truly been up to, those thoughts over his illegal activities never far from her mind, but perhaps clouded enough by how happy she felt while she was around him to not let the fact he was a criminal bother her more than it did. She then remembered back to her chat with her friends.  

“Oh, before I forget! I don’t have your phone number, and I’ve been meaning to ask for it,” she put to him, watching him roll his eyes and cover his face with his hands for a moment. Her heart thudded sharply, scared for a moment, wondering if his reaction was because of her asking that question, before he emerged, cringing slightly.  

“I’m such a dick, I never even thought to leave it for you. God, what an idiot! I guess I’m enjoying myself too much and overlooking silly little things like that.” She was fooled completely by his self-deprecating reply, EZ pulling his burner phone from his pocket, and not the cell everyone else contacted him on. They were indistinguishable but for a carefully placed nick on the end by the charging jack on the burner one. He guessed he needed to give her something here.  

Moving back to the lounge with a cup of coffee each, he recited the number, requesting Camille call him so he could save hers too, making her melt completely by what he saved her as after turning the screen. Beautiful girl. He changed it to simply read ‘C’ when she wasn’t watching. They sat at opposite ends of the couch talking, EZ being very attentive and rubbing her feet for her, Camille making him laugh with her little observations from her evening at work.  

It was one of those times where he felt himself slip and actually enjoy her with no agenda. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her, he very much did, but he liked what she, and manipulating her could do for him much more than any feelings of sincerity toward her. Then, just for a little flash of a moment, he wondered why the hell that was.  

“Sorry, too hard?” he asked, backing off the pressure he administered to the centre of her foot with his thumbs when he noticed her wince.  

“No, no it’s great. I think it’s something else. Excuse me a moment.” Getting up, she kissed his head on the way past, EZ giving her hand a squeeze. When she returned five minutes later, she didn’t look pleased. “Well, there goes my plan to bounce you around the bed through the early hours. I just got my freakin’ period.”  

He crinkled his nose a little, poking out his bottom lip at her, Camille never seeing sympathy look so adorable. “Come up here, come on.” He patted his chest, Camille moving to lie on top of him, EZ holding her, sliding one hand down to her lower abdomen. “Heat, to help with the cramping.”  

She smiled, receiving a forehead kiss, wondering how the hell she’d gotten so lucky with him. “You’re great, you know that?”  

“I’m not bad.”  

Yes, he was. Knowing that he wouldn’t be getting laid by her that night, he lay there being attentive for a while, letting her settle before pulling his cell out and discreetly sending a text. Dina, one of his regulars would likely still be at the clubhouse, since people didn’t usually start leaving until 4am on any given Friday or Saturday night.  

‘I’m here, yeah. Got Tranq all over me, so hurry up and save me! I need daddy to come make me bite down on his belt while he’s nailing me from behind.'  

He felt his cock twitch at just the thought of doing that to her, sending her a reply.

‘I’ll be there at about three. Just got something to sort out. Actually, send me a text in twenty minutes. Something else nasty, you filthy little bitch.’

Placing his phone down, he returned his arm around Camille, kissing her head a few times as she snuggled into him more, continuing to watch the movie she’d put on. He wasn’t really interested but feigned it all the same. For the next twenty minutes, at least.  

“Ahhh, shit. I gotta go, sorry, baby,” he spoke, after receiving a picture of Dina, her fingers splaying herself open with the message ‘can’t wait until you’re right here’ accompanying it. “That was my sister-in-law. Apparently, Angel isn’t home yet so I gotta go find him. It’s kind of a regular thing with them.”

“Oh, okay,” she spoke softly, a little sad she wouldn’t have his warmth to cuddle up to. Her heart went out to Angel’s wife, worried, with no idea where her husband was. What a man to be married to, she thought. Except, of course, Angel was nothing short of an adoring husband, one who was currently showing his beloved wife exactly how much he’d missed her while she’d been on tour. Camille wasn’t to know that, of course. “When will I see you again?”

“Erm, not sure,” he spoke, standing up, shoving his feet back into his boots. “I’ll call you, though. Promise. Actually, can you get out of work on Wednesday night? I could take you out for dinner, if you like?”

Standing to join him, she reached up on her tiptoes, kissing under his chin, EZ granting her his lips, tickling her sides softly. “I’d really like that!”

“Alright, well I’ll call you about it. Want me to come tuck you in before I leave?”  

Her eyes were soft like her smile, kissing him again. “I appreciate it, but no. I’m going to stay up and watch the rest of the movie before me and my disgruntled womb hit the sack.”

He laughed at disgruntled womb, enjoying another lingering kiss before leaving. Fifteen minutes later and he was striding through the clubhouse, seeing Dina at the bar, Hank next to her, still trying his luck. EZ simply breezed in, threw her over his shoulder and continued walking, his brother looking put out as his president turned back to him with a cocky eyebrow raise. “I’m taking her upstairs to fuck her brains out, just in case you need that spelling out for you, too.”  

Hank got up and left, wondering what the hell had happened to the EZ he used to know. As for the man himself, he was taking off his belt, kneeling over Dina as she sat back on his bed, taking the leather at either end, yanking it to make it snap.  

“Open your mouth.” Her jaw dropped immediately. “Mmm, good girl.”  

Yes. For the most part, EZ was perfectly fine with the man he’d become, even if others weren’t.  

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

unfair ii, m | myg, jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader x yoongi

summary: You know how you end up fucking your next door neighbor and her boyfriend, Jeon Jungkook? No? Oh. Well, I guess that’s just Min Yoongi’s predicament then. 

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; established relationship; smut (fem reader, threesome, shower sex, cum eating, f and m-receiving oral, cowgirl, nipple vibrators are involved); soft fluff; starts off with Yoongi’s POV, then switches to you, Jungkook is pretty much mad horny 24/7; Yoongi just wants to be cuddled mentally and physically; ft. a poor soul who was only trying to deliver pizza...

--

Through a series of events, Min Yoongi now had two problems. He was quite sure these were not problems anyone else had. Actually, he was positive that no one else could relate to his two very distinct problems, one of which was in front of him right this very moment.

“Yoongi-ssi.”

The slight amount of disrespect should have annoyed him, but these were different circumstances.

“You need to be patient like everyone else.”

Slam.

Now Yoongi’s slim wrists were pinned against the wall with strong hands, one tattooed, one not. His problems weren’t bad per se. Inconvenient, perhaps. They made his life difficult. Hard, even. A very solid weight pressed against his crotch. He shifted his eyes away, lips twisted in a small pout.

“… What do you mean, like everyone else?”

A low chuckle. Yoongi felt lips on his neck. His muscles tensed and he drew in a sharp breath as those lips began to graze over his skin. Familiar lips now, lips that he thought way too much about and much too inappropriate times. Lips that set his skin on fire and made him grit his teeth to avoid sounding too pathetic.

“Aw, are you jealous? Afraid we’ll be interested in someone else?”

Him, Min Yoongi, jealous? No, of course not. He had never been jealous in his entire life. Jealousy was linked to sin and Yoongi wasn’t that kind of person. He was a kind boy. A good soul. He had also never felt lust either. Never.

Those firm hips rolled against his and Yoongi almost gasped, biting on his tongue.

“Don’t worry, it will always be only you for us, love.”

Yoongi stared up at the ceiling. The higher power up there put him in this position. He did not ask for this. He did not ask for his heart to skip two beats at those words. He did not ask for Jeon Jungkook to be this sexy, this sweet, and this rough all at once. Was this how he was going to go? Was he going to die by sensory overload from Jeon Jungkook’s hotness? Probably.

Not the worst way to go.

“… You’re breaking the rules.”

Jungkook lifted his head, smirk on his lips and eyes half-lidded. “You broke them first,” he shot back, tongue between his teeth, quirking his eyebrows.

Holy fuck.

A minute before, Jungkook had been in the bedroom, chatting with Yoongi about… something. Yoongi couldn’t remember, because he was distracted. Jungkook had come home from walking Holly and was in the middle of telling him some story. Holly was passed out in the living room, living his best life. Yoongi, however, had been staring at Jungkook pulling off his white t-shirt, lifting it over his head and shoulders. Tattoos against the tan skin of his right arm, back muscles flexing as he stripped. Maybe, just maybe, Yoongi had lifted his hand and touched Jungkook’s back, just for a second. Traced a muscle, mouth slightly open, awed at how a human body could be so different from his.

“You’re not supposed to imitate sex until we’re all together,” Jungkook purred.

Yoongi’s eyes flitted away from Jungkook’s amused expression. “It wasn’t sexual.”

“Hmm.”

Yoongi shifted his eyes back to those brown eyes framed by long dark hair. His problem was making him very, very hard right now. Ah, he meant, the moment was difficult–

Jungkook’s pink tongue slid out and licked Yoongi’s lips, the lightest, hottest touch.

Fuuuuuck.

The front door opened. Sounds of shoes being removed, a soft sigh. Holly barked and there was a jangle of dog tags paired with a cheerful laugh and cooing noises. He could hear Holly’s fur being ruffled by pets.

“How was your day, Holly? Hopefully not as tiring as mine.”

Holly made a soft woof. Footsteps. And then she rounded the corner.

Problem number two.

Dressed in a tailored black skirt suit, white shirt, and a red tie. Molded perfectly to her hips and her sharply legs. Arm raised, slowly pulling her hairpin out of her hair, which tumbled down onto her shoulders, cascading around her cheeks. The prettiest eyes Yoongi had ever seen, the kind of eyes that kept him rooted in place – well, besides the larger man literally pressing him against the wall. She cocked an eyebrow at them.

“Jungkook,” she said slowly, leaning against the doorframe. That fucking line of her fucking body, every fucking curve held in that skirt suit. Was that even legal to wear in public? For Yoongi, it would definitely cause some complications. “I simply can’t guess what you want to do tonight.”

Jungkook grinned. “I didn’t start it.”

She chuckled. “Of course, you didn’t, darling.” Her eyes shifted to Yoongi. “How are you tonight, Yoongi, my love?”

These two were giving him constant heart arrhythmia. He was pretty sure his ears and his cheeks were both red.

“F-fine.”

-

The second you laid down those ground rules, you knew Jungkook was going to break them. That’s why you made them, of course. He always had that mischievous streak about him. Your initial meeting had been at the gym he worked at. You had signed up for a personal training session, just to see if it was something to commit to. Jungkook made you commit to something, all right. Were you two tangled in the sheets after your first or second meeting? You couldn’t remember.

You asked him why he had been so forward at the time and his response had been, “Excuse me, do you see yourself in the mirror? Literally every single guy at the gym was staring at you.”

“I didn’t see such a thing, Jungkook.”

“That’s because your eyes were on me.”

Moving out of your parents’ home had been a nice change. No longer did you have to worry about your parents accidentally hearing certain things. And the cherry on top had been a certain someone, a certain someone who was very, very interesting. Jungkook had eagerly nudged you the first time you two saw him innocently walking his dog.

“Let’s fuck him.”

“Excuse me?”

That devious smile. “Come on. You know you want to.”

Your raised eyebrows. “I do? I think you do.”

His mouth on your neck, making you melt. “I know we have similar taste, darling. Look at that cute, precious face. Don’t you want to sit on it?”

Poor clueless Min Yoongi had no idea what was coming as he trotted along the sidewalk with an excited Holly. He had no idea what you two were planning, how difficult his life was going to become, or what situations you two were going to put him in. For instance, he was currently sandwiched between you and Jungkook as water rained down on the three of you. The double showerheads had been a smart investment. You calmly worked shampoo into your hair, rubbing your ass against Yoongi’s hard cock as Jungkook held his arms behind his back, also rubbing his cock against Yoongi’s ass.

“T-this is not a shower,” Yoongi hissed out, throwing his head back as the head of his cock rubbed right between your ass cheeks.

“What are you talking about?” Jungkook chuckled. “She’s shampooing her hair right now.”

The shampoo was dripping down your back, adding slick lubrication to an already dire situation for Yoongi. You reached back and pressed the head down in between your ass, creating a tighter crevice as Yoongi rolled his hips into you. Jungkook was humping Yoongi’s ass and making him lurch forward, increasing the speed by a few notches. You turned your head slightly with a smile, seeing Yoongi losing his control and Jungkook smirking at you.

“Fucking shit,” Yoongi moaned, squeezing his eyes shut. Jungkook let go of his arms and gripped Yoongi’s hips instead, pushing his cheeks together, inhaling sharply.

“You have a great ass, Yoongi-ssi,” Jungkook murmured, lips on his shoulder, kissing lightly as he roughly thrust his hips up his ass cheeks, the head of his cock grazing Yoongi’s lower back.

Yoongi gasped, eyelids fluttering. “Not as nice as hers,” he mumbled back, chest heaving.

You squeezed Yoongi’s cock a little tighter. “Why, thank you.”

You watched Yoongi’s hands clench into fists as he shut his eyes tightly, moaning loudly as he came, shooting warm, sticky cum up your back. You grinned and rubbed your ass against his crotch as the last residual bursts came, the sensitive head buried in between your ass cheeks as he shuddered, leaking into your tight crack.

You heard Jungkook hiss as he orgasmed, clamping Yoongi’s ass around his cock, jaw clenched tight, eyes closed. He seemed to feel your gaze and his eyes opened, paired with a cocky smile. Your name dropped from Jungkook’s lips, so low, so sexy.

“A gift for you.”

Jungkook spun Yoongi around at the waist and you dropped to your knees, tongue already out and slurping up Jungkook’s cum as he kissed Yoongi. Yoongi’s entire body was shivering, softly moaning to Jungkook’s mouth as your tongue slid low in between his ass. Jungkook really knew how to make you wetter than the fucking shower itself, sucking his cum out of Yoongi’s ass cheeks. You nipped at the skin and Yoongi whimpered into Jungkook’s mouth.

“You’re not being fair,” Yoongi hissed, trying to pull away.

Jungkook smiled.

“You don’t want fair, now do you?”

-

“What do you want on your pizza?”

Yoongi grunted. “Don’t care.”

You poked Yoongi in the chest.

“Are you mad?”

“No.”

Jungkook pressed you down further. “He’s embarrassed,” he purred.

You looked up at Yoongi, who was scrolling on his phone and trying not to look at you. Either of you, for that matter. Yoongi was laying on the bed, in a gray t-shirt and his boxer briefs, with you on his lap and chest. Red bra and panties, with a black silk robe. Jungkook leaned against your back, shirtless and in his black sweatpants. Jungkook was also on his phone, ordering pizza. For some mysterious reason, you three were too tired to cook, thus the pizza.

You reached up and brushed Yoongi’s bangs out of his eyes. His mouth thinned into a line and he put his phone down on his chest. His eyes closed as you pet his dark hair. You smiled. Yoongi could act grumpy all he wanted. You saw right through him.

Yoongi let out a soft huff as Jungkook bounced on you a little. “I’m fine.”

You cupped his round cheek gently. “You can tell us, Yoongi.”

He cracked an eye open. “Too... much attention on me,” Yoongi mumbled. He puffed his cheeks and closed his eye again at your foxy smile. Well, Jungkook and you were generous lovers, after all.

“Pizza ordered and paid for.”

Jungkook’s phone bounced on the bed as he dropped it. He wrapped his arms around your waist, lovingly kissing your shoulders. Unsurprisingly, you felt your robe being pulled down a little as he kissed down your back. You placed your arms on Yoongi’s chest, chin on top.

“I love you.”

When Yoongi didn’t respond, you poked him again. He frowned and opened his eyes barely a sliver. You gazed up at him expectantly. His ears were turning red. You had said it before. Jungkook had said it before. But getting it out of Yoongi was proving to be more difficult.

“Jungkook, your girlfriend is in love with me,” Yoongi muttered. He was still looking at you, not closing his eyes.

“Me too, so you better say it back to her,” Jungkook replied cheerfully, an edge of danger in his voice.

Yoongi puffed his cheeks lightly again. “I’m being threatened by your boyfriend,” he said to you.

You stared deep into those dark brown eyes. You lifted your head, moving closer to Yoongi’s face. Your silk robe was sliding down your arms, thanks to Jungkook’s insistence.

“I love you,” you said again, voice husky and seductive.

Yoongi sucked in his lower lip anxiously.

Your head dipped down, lips softly touching his. You softly breathed into his mouth. He whimpered, tongue touching the edge of your lips. You sucked on it lightly, the tip of yours entwining with his. You mouthed the words again against his lips and he mouthed them back. The robe was leaving you completely now. You broke apart from Yoongi, smiling as Jungkook’s hands traveled up your belly.

Yoongi swallowed, nervousness fluttering in his expression.

“You say it… so easily.”

You frowned slightly. “Is that bad?”

Yoongi’s eyes shifted to the head of hair behind you, hearing his soft kisses on your back. You reached over and brushed your fingers against Yoongi’s cheek. His eyes flickered back to you, wordless.

“Jungkook and I are very happy to be with you.”

You could see the confliction on his face. You felt Jungkook raise his head and place it on your shoulder, arms around your waist. Yoongi seemed sensitive, aware of the two of you watching him as he struggled internally.

“Aren’t you happy… with just Jungkook?”

Ah.

You turned your head to look at Jungkook. He nuzzled your nose, smiling.

“Are you happy, darling?” you whispered against his lips.

“With you, always.”

You turned back to Yoongi and smiled down at him. His brown eyes were unsure, looking down, somewhat ashamed. As if he walked in on something he shouldn’t have. As if he wasn’t meant to be here. You placed your hands on his cheeks and gently lifted his face, forcing him to look at you and Jungkook.

“Yoongi-ssi,” Jungkook said quietly. “You don’t have to worry. We want to love you.”

“Why?”

Yoongi’s voice cracked, just a little. He wrapped one of his hands around one of your wrists, blinking fast to push away his tears.

“I… I shouldn’t have… You two were happy without me…”

“Shh.”

You leaned down and placed kisses on his cheeks. His hand on your wrist trembled. Maybe he was scared. Scared he might ruin your relationship. Scared he might just be a toy in both of your hands, only used for fun. Scared he might lose you two when you get bored. Scared that it was all a fleeting happiness, a moment of lust that would disappear all too soon.

“Just want to make you happy, Yoongi,��� you murmured against his skin. “Just want to be around you and hold you in my arms and wake up next to you every day.”

You felt Jungkook bend down and kiss Yoongi on the forehead. “Just want to see your face,” Jungkook continued softly. “Pour all of our love into you until you can’t take any more and then give you even more. You make us so, so happy.”

Jungkook and you pulled back a little, giving Yoongi some room to breathe. He sniffled sheepishly and wiped his eyes, frowning slightly. His eyes flickered from Jungkook and then to you.

“Hah… I didn’t need all that,” he mumbled clumsily.

“But you wanted to hear it anyway,” Jungkook replied playfully.

Yoongi turned his head away, blinking quickly. You tried not to smile at his shyness.

“Why would you even think… to add another?”

You rubbed the back of your head. “Well… actually, we both saw you at the same time and, ah, it wasn’t really planned.” You laughed a little. “We thought you were going to run away or just leave it at as a one-time thing.” You leaned down as Yoongi’s cheeks turned red. “Imagine our surprise when you knocked on the door once again.”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “You guys were literally fucking on our shared wall.”

“Maaaaaaybe…”

“If you were going to make a ruckus, at least let me enjoy too,” Yoongi grumbled.

You gently turned Yoongi’s face back towards you, dropping your head as Jungkook unhooked your bra.

“Now you can enjoy all the time.”

Your hands slid down his clothed chest. Yoongi gasped against your lips, suddenly feeling your bare breasts against the thin fabric. Jungkook was pulling your red panties down your legs, tossing them who-knows-where. You moaned as you felt Jungkook’s tongue on your wetness, licking a thick stripe up your slit. He stuck his tongue inside you, pushing it in once, twice. You squeezed the muscle with your pussy as you pulled Yoongi to you. Jungkook lifted you up, ass in the air, legs spread. He coated his tongue with your slick juices before flicking your clit.

“A-ah, Jungkook…” you whined, clutching onto Yoongi’s shirt and rubbing your tits against his chest. Yoongi inhaled sharply, gently nudging you.

“Let me take it off,” Yoongi chuckled. You frowned as you released him. Jungkook sucked on your clit as Yoongi pulled his gray t-shirt over his head, his hair fluffy as it was disturbed. You crawled up his chest and kissed him deeply, moaning as you felt his large hands on your breasts, kneading them roughly. You felt Jungkook slide one of his fingers inside you, teeth nipping at your ass.

“Mmm…”

You lifted your head. Yoongi smirked underneath you, pinching your nipples as Jungkook pushed another finger in your pussy. You bit your lip, moaning their names as Jungkook began to finger-fuck you, his free hand gripping your hip. You felt Yoongi press his thumbs against your nipples and rub them in circles, your body rocking upwards from the force of Jungkook’s fingers. You vaguely heard Yoongi call your name and you looked down at him, head fuzzy with pleasure.

“Y-yes?”

His pink lips so pretty, softly turned upward towards you.

“Kiss me.”

You leaned down and kissed him, whining as Jungkook pulled his fingers out of you to lick your pussy again, rubbing his slick fingertips on your clit. You moaned into Yoongi’s mouth and he caught your tongue, sucking on it. He pinched your nipples once again, hard, and it pushed you over the edge, gasping as you came in Jungkook’s mouth, his tongue lapping you up, smearing it all over your pussy.

You broke out of Yoongi’s kiss, trying to catch your breath. You felt movement under you and heard Yoongi’s surprised yelp as Jungkook yanked his underwear down his legs.

“Jungkook, what–”

You couldn’t even finish your question because Jungkook pushed your hips down with one hand, using his other to push Yoongi’s semi-hard dick up. Yoongi gasped as your wet, dripping pussy planted straight onto his balls and the base of his cock, immediately coating them with your orgasm and Jungkook’s saliva. The position left the head of Yoongi’s cock against his lower belly and your slippery pussy on his length and balls.

You felt Jungkook’s lips against your ear.

“Don’t move.”

You frowned slightly at Jungkook’s command, feeling Yoongi’s cock swell at the close contact to your pussy. Your preferred form of birth control was condoms, so you weren’t used to feeling raw cock against your pussy. It wasn’t inside you, so you didn’t panic, but you rubbed yourself against Yoongi’s balls just a little. Yoongi gritted his teeth, head pushed back against the pillows.

“What is that kid thinking?” Yoongi muttered, “He can’t leave us here like this.”

You could tell he was too scared to touch you, lest something slip. He caught you staring at him and he blushed, turning away quickly.

“W-what?”

Your tongue balanced between your teeth, smirking slightly. You clenched your walls, knowing he could feel the opening tighten against his balls. Yoongi hissed, digging his fingers into the sheets.

“You’re just as bad,” he pouted, giving you the side eye.

You heard movement behind you. Jungkook. Firm hands grasped your hips, lifting you up. You whimpered at the loss of warmth, looking down to see Yoongi’s cock covered with your juices. Jungkook let you go, and you were on one knee, other leg somewhat extended as Jungkook dipped his head downward between your legs. Yoongi moaned as Jungkook licked him all over, pink tongue flashing as you watched with bated breath. He took Yoongi’s balls in his mouth, sucking them clean. Yoongi’s eyes rolled back in his head, barely registering Jungkook putting a condom on his already-hard cock. A second later and Jungkook removed his mouth with a wet plop, grinning.

He slid up your body, kissing you deeply, your taste on his lips. You smiled, feeling him wrap his hands around your waist again, pulling you back down. Yoongi barely had time to orient his cock before you sank down on him, moaning into Jungkook’s mouth.

“Feeling good, love?” Jungkook growled against your lips, nipping at them.

You squeezed Yoongi’s cock. It throbbed inside you as Yoongi groaned. “So good, Jungkook,” you panted, voice glazed with lust.

Yoongi rolled his hips up into you as Jungkook nuzzled your neck, kissing it softly. You closed your eyes, pleasure filling you up. You began to bounce on Yoongi’s cock, intertwining your fingers with his as you thrust him into you, hitting your favorite spot. Nice and deep, over and over. Jungkook cupped your breasts and your eyes snapped open, feeling something foreign being stuck to your breasts.

It couldn’t be–

“Jung- fuck!”

His name was quickly replaced by you swearing as he turned the nipple vibrators on, grinning infuriatingly into your shoulder. They were in the shape of little red hearts, taped right onto your nipples. You winced, body shuddering as you grabbed Yoongi’s other hand, clutching on them tight as the vibrations radiated through you. Your pussy clenched involuntarily and you were already orgasming, eyes rolling back into your head as Jungkook’s hands guided your hips, using your pussy to fuck Yoongi. How were you supposed to think? Breathe? Do anything, but feel the relentless vibrations on your sensitive nipples as Yoongi moaned under you, helpless as Jungkook controlled everything, bouncing you expertly.

And then you felt it.

Jungkook’s cock sliding up your back, his balls resting on the top of your ass.

“J-Jungkook, it’s t-too much…” you gasped, “I-I can’t…”

“You can,” Jungkook whispered, humping your back, breath tight. “Just for us, you can, my love. I know you can.”

Jungkook was actually crazy. You thought just him alone was wild. Pair that with Yoongi’s dick shoved so far inside you and the nipple vibrators – you were losing your mind, head lolling as Jungkook sucked in a tight breath, rubbing the head of his cock hard and fast against your back. He lifted one of his hands off your hip to press his cock down against your back, smearing pre-cum everywhere. Slick, wet slapping sounds mixed with your moans, amplified by the vibrations on your nipples.

“F-fuck, I’m going to…”

“Hold on, Yoongi, please,” Jungkook begged, throwing his head back. “Please, I’m so fucking close.”

“Easy for y-you to say,” Yoongi gasped, clutching the sheets so hard his knuckles were white. “I’m the one inside her pussy.”

A choked wail tore through you, the multiple sensations too much as you came again, all over Yoongi’s cock, eyelids fluttering. You felt Jungkook’s grip tighten and he moaned out his release, shooting cum up your back. Yoongi pushed his head back into the pillows and groaned, cock jerking against your walls as he spurted into the condom, breathlessly calling out your name.

Jungkook grabbed the remote and turned off the nipple vibrators, finally giving you some rest. You flopped down on top of Yoongi, exhausted, fingers laced with his. He was panting hard, making you rise and fall with his chest.

The doorbell rang.

All three of you popped your heads towards the direction of the front door.

“Oh shit.” Jungkook’s eyes were wide. “The pizza.”

You frowned. “They wouldn’t ring the doorbell.”

Jungkook climbed off you, grabbing his sweatpants. Oh, great. Yes, just left his cum sprayed all over your back, especially when you were drained of energy. Yoongi let go of your hands gently.

“Let me get a towel,” Yoongi chuckled, disturbing you greatly as he slid out from under you.

-

Jungkook burst the door open, shirtless, black sweatpants low slung on his hips, tattooed arm extended with his right hand on the knob. A shorter man stood behind the door, recoiling quickly, as if he didn’t have his ear pressed against the door seconds before. His face was flushed pink, full lips trembling. He was in the pizza delivery boy uniform.

His name tag read “Park Jimin”.

“Ah, u-uh,” Jimin stuttered at Jungkook’s surprised expression. “We ran out of sweet potato, so we threw in an extra pizza. I-is that okay?”

“Oh!” Jungkook pouted as he took the pizzas. “Oh, that’s fine. We’ll get it next time.”

Jimin bowed deeply. “Sorry for the trouble! Thank you!”

And he ran.

Jungkook stood in the door, cradling the warm pizza, blinking at the swift exit.

“Uh… cool.”

--

masterpost

[yamanaka-shin]

Kouta makes sure to put the right amount of parchment paper down over the cookie sheet so it doesn't hang over the edges like last time. Once he's satisfied with the the prep, he deftly opens the thin box of cliche holiday pre sliced cookies with reindeer faces on them. The plastic on the inside gives him a bit of trouble but he eventually gets that open too and finally has access to the ready to bake cookies inside. One by one he lays them on the covered sheet enough distance from each other so that nothing sticks together when they expand as they bake.

But it's then that he can almost hear the Jaws theme music coming from behind as his spouse decides now is the perfect moment to come up like a shark looking, lost likely, to snag some of the cookie dough. He's plenty prepared for it though and has nothing to fear from the sneaky Fuuma. When they stand behind him, just a little taller like always so they peer over his shoulder, he keeps his calm without giving an inch. He'd like to think that kind of progress over the years was a good accomplishment. There's little time for self praise though because now he has to fend off Shin.

"Whatcha got there?" They open. It's an innocuous question, but he's no fool.

"Sugar. That's the flavor." Kouta is prepared on all fronts. He knows the train of thought driving through their head.

"Please may I have one or four?"

"No you may not." He smirks just a little. "But thank you for asking. Love that you're not even trying to hide that you want to woof down several."

Even though they'd just been told no by their husband, Shin is feeling daring that evening and goes to take one of the unbaked cookies anyway. Kouta is quicker on the draw and slaps their hand away, pairing the action with a little warning growl, and swivels on his heels for face the hubristic lover he shared his life with. Shin tries to play innocent and gives him a sweet look but he's not falling for it.

"Thought I told you no."

"It was worth a shot, you can't blame me for trying."

"No." He concedes. "I guess I can't. You didn't get one anyway so it's a win-win for me."

Then he does something that has his spouse speechless for a hot second. Reaching behind himself, Kouta grabs one of the cookies and pops it into his mouth with a shit eating grin to match as he chews. Shin cannot seem to get a response out yet and their partner would like to than every god looking down on him right then for providing him this golden opportunity. Though, once they have their wits back, of course they won't take another loss.

"But you just said I couldn't have any! That's not fair fighting and you know it."

"Oh, I know it isn't." He snickers and filches another cookie to chomp on. "Never said those rules apply to me though."

"Okay." Shin takes a deep breath. "Have it your way then. But just remember that you started this."

He's not sure he likes the look of mischief on their face just then. Shin with a plan was not someone to be messed with. Kouta tries to stay firmly planted to the floor but he finds that it's harder now that he's invoked the trickster mentality in his wily spouse. And he's proven valid in his concerns rather quickly. Shin, using their height difference to their advantage, reaches around Kouta and immediately hefts the entire cookie sheet into the air above his head. They have longer arms than he does so it's out of reach.

"That isn't fair, you dick!" Kouta huffs indignantly. He's not mad, just shocked that he's been outmaneuvered so quickly.

Now that they have the entire hand of cards in their favor, Shin takes the time to savor victory. One of the cookies is plucked up in their other hand and then scoffed down. "You started this, I told you that. If you're mad that I'm taller than you then that sounds like a you problem. Invest in a chair or perhaps a step stool and then you might be able to get these back."

The second they stick their tongue out playfully at him, he knows he's lost the fight and breathes out a sigh. "Okay fine, you win. You can have one or four. But I'd also like a few since I've been thinking about them all day."

"You're not the only one." They slowly bring the sheet down and another cookie goes down the hatch. "I woke up lusting after them like some kind of culinary whore. Might need to go buy more like, tonight."

"I gotta get my ass down there then because I am also Pillsbury's slut right now." Kouta admits defeat but at least the next cookie he swallows makes up for it.

Every single last cookie dough piece never makes it to the oven because they are promptly eaten by the two lovebirds. Thankfully, they make good on the promise to go fetch more, hopefully this time with actual intent to cook them. Kouta is glad he doesn't have to put more parchment paper on the sheet at least because the first layer remains pristine and perfect. Next time either of them does any shopping there will have to be several boxes of these put on the list to enjoy both cooked and "raw." For now, though, there is smooth jazz playing on the car trip and two minds can only think of the delicious reward for all of this fuckery.

[maniacwatchestheworld]

The DA Y/N OC Hunger Games Part 1

Part 2 | Part 10 | Part 11

Is it wise of me to be posting this at like... 4:45 am? Probably not. Am I doing it right now anyway? SURE AM!

So here we are at the first annual (or rather only/ever) DA Y/N OC Hunger Games. A horrible struggle for survival is taking place. Our combatants are in the arena and ready for battle. Time for round 1!

Gray ( @without-celine ) isn't sure whether to cry, laugh, or tear their hair out.

Seth ( @who-killed-the-da​ ) wishes they could go home.

Link ( @eddeha ) hums a song to himself.

Mike ( @ask-mike-the-da​ ) fails to grasp the gravity of the situation.

Great start. Completely understandable for said parties.

Dee's bad brain turns them into a horrible person...

Oh no! Bad brain strikes! Dee is now Devious! Deevious? HAHA! THESE ARE THE JOKES, PEOPLE!

??? ( @youraverageauprocrastinator​ ) could get used to this place.

... Now what the fuck, ???? DON’T YOU BE GETTING USED TO THIS! YOU‘RE SUPPOSED TO BE SUFFERING! How dare.

Athena (Pre-WKM) ( @withjust-a-bite​ ) wasn't looking and fell off a cliff...

Fucking oof. The trophy for first to die goes to Athena! Someone had to do it, and unfortunately it was you. Hopefully your future self fares better!

Y/N ( @purple-anxiety-blog​ ) looks on the verge of snapping.

Celine tries to get others to notice her.

Can I just imagine that Celine is trying to seduce Y/N (purple-anxiety-blog) here...? Actually they would be pretty cute together. But Y/N (purple-anxiety-blog) isn’t taking it very well. At all. But I mean... Fair. Celine was pretty complacent in the whole mirror thing.

Eerie ( @eerietheda​ ) attacks Y/N ( @ask-the-wkm-group​ ) from behind and murders them!

So... Uh... Remember how you said that Y/N (ask-the-wkm-group) wouldn’t last a single round...? Well... Unfortunately you were right! Very sorry to see them go. *Sad canon shots.* To be fair though, Eerie may just be one of the most terrifying contestants in this game. And at the very least, you can continue to watch your roomies/buddies live on and fight in your place. u.u

Damien really doesn't want to, but he finds himself having to get rid of Link ( @eddeha​ ).

Uh... Jesus fucking Christ, Damien? What the actual fuck!? What did Link do that was so bad that he needed to be killed!? Was his humming really THAT heinous!? And they were so cheerful a moment ago too! APPARENTLY DAMIEN’S OUT FOR BLOOD TONIGHT, KIDS! You had best watch yourselves!

Or maybe he just isn’t taking Y/N (ask-the-wkm-group)’s death very well and has immediately decided to go feral.

(Actor) Mark is only looking out for himself.

But I mean... Isn’t he always...?

Moria ( @xshatteredreflectionsx​ ) tries to kill Arthur ( @arthur-the-district-attorney​ ), but Arthur retaliates and kills her instead.

Woof. Very sorry to see you go, dear! Better luck next time! Whispers and Arthur is usually so nice too... I suppose that’s just the way it goes sometimes. This really is turning out to the quite a bloodbath isn’t it? Even though it’s only the first round!

Abe feels strong enough to handle anything.

Alice ( @chelseareferenced​ ) is being adorable as always.

Alright. Alright. We got two A’s doing A-okay here!

Wilford Warfstache isn't sure whether to cry, laugh, or tear his hair out.

Yeah. That sounds about right. Pretty average day for him, really. He probably hasn’t even realized that a deathbattle has started around him yet. I’m sure he’ll be delighted once he finds out!

Rosie ( @lostanddrowned​ ) sobs quietly...

Bethany ( @ask-bethany-and-dark​ ) looks for someone dumb enough to believe her.

William wonders about the future.

Well, Will, if you would take a look to your right, you can see exactly what your future has in store for you! Apparently mostly just sitting on a rock and losing your mind, it seems.

Y/N ( @the-tragic-hero-and-you​ ) fails to grasp the gravity of the situation.

And hey! Would you look at that. Y/N (the-tragic-hero-and-you) has exceeded all of your expectations and has survived past the first round! Congrats! (However, in all of practice matches I did before this they actually did immediately die in the first round. So lucky day for them!)

Abe wants to end things once and for all with Y/N ( @dormats-town​ ).

Abe bites the dust!

And the “How Dare You Kill Abe He Did Nothing Wrong” Award goes to Y/N (dormats-town)! How dare you. Did you even know him!? I feel like the two of you would have gotten along great! Well, too bad. He’s dead now.

Veridia ( @ask-the-femaleda​ ) finally snaps!

Veridia is now frenzied!

Well... You had best watch out for her! Veridia is out for blood! (I guess she’s just following Damien’s example to its natural conclusion.)

Dylan ( @the-mirror-realm​ ) finds a slingshot! How quaint...

Might be useful in a pinch.

Hey hey hey! Lucky day for Dylan! They’re the first one to find an item! (Even in the practice matches your Y/Ns are just really randomly good at finding shit. Real weird...)

Lillian ( @indic0lite​ ) tries to get others to notice them.

Hey! Why don’t you hang out with Celine and the two of you can try seduce each other!? Or you could seduce literally... Every one else. But together! ... Actually the two of them would be really cute together as well... Aaaaaand now Grifters by Charming Disaster is in my head again!

Arthur ( @arthur-the-district-attorney​ ) tries to kill Seth ( @who-killed-the-da​ ), but Seth retaliates and kills him instead.

Huh. So I feel like Arthur may just deserve an award for being the person to go from killer to killee the quickest! And in round 1 no less! Congrats on your even score sheet, Arthur! But also how dare you make Seth kill. They are babby.

Athena (Post-WKM) ( @withjust-a-bite​ ) won't give up so easily.

Well given how your past self JUST died, you had better not!

Y/N ( @ask-the-mirror-da​ ) calms down for good, no longer subject to the whims of a changing brain.

........... Huh. So apparently Y/N (ask-the-mirror-da) has IMMEDIATELY stopped being a madlad the MOMENT they stepped into the arena. They are no longer a lunatic. So sad. A shame, really. This must be some serious shit going on right here.

Darkiplier mopes around uselessly.

HAH! Worthless edgelord.

Daffodil ( @shattered-da​ ) finds some leather scraps, just enough to patch together some rudimentary clothing.

It looks rather caveman-like.

Very primitive. But adorable. Gotta love it.

And that is the end of round 1! 6 dead. 24 remaining. Who’s going to die next? Who’s going to thrive in the field of glorious battle!? Find out next time in Round 2 of the DA Y/N OC Honger Games!

[obeywho-meduh]

NSFW Villain, teacher, steering wheel with Lucifer and a reader with she/her pronouns pretty please 💜💜

Woof.. okay for the first request, you just went straight for it huh? 🤣 That’s fair I asked for it. JOKES ON YOU I LOVE DOING (😏) LUCIFER! Hahahahaha 🤣😭😎

NSFW WARNING ⚠️ : Oral, Punishment-play, Dom!Lucifer

Steering Wheel:Villain:Teacher

With Lucifer ❤️

“I have a particular set of skills..” She said as she held her DDD to her ear.

“Y/N, what are you calling about?” Lucifer grumbled through the phone.

“..skills I have acquired through my time in Devildom.” Trying to maintain her serious tone as you can hear the frustration in his voice.

“I swear if you and Satan are prank calling me again..”

“Skills that make me a nightmare for demons like you!” As she said the last line she hung up, and Satan started to laugh which made her start as well. But it wasn’t long till it was cut off by your ringtone for Lucifer with his contact name appearing on your screen.

*Have to Answer or Die*

They both look at the phone and as you’re about to answer it Satan takes it and declines the call.

“S-Satan.. “

“You’ll be fine don’t worry he can’t be that mad about a call or two.”

“We’ve pranked called him 5 times today..”

“That’s still not that bad.”

“Had Belphie talk Beel into eating the router.”

“Beel got to try something new.”

“Which made Levi blame Mammon and I still think I can hear them fighting.”

“It sounds like it’s been a productive day.” Satan clapped his hands together and he sat up from the couch. He handed her back the phone as his then started to go off. Taking it from his pocket he grimaced then exhaled sharply as he answer it.

“What?” His eyes rolled as she tried to hear the voice, only being about to make out that they were yelling. “And what if I DON’T?”

She has no doubt it was Lucifer. Watching as Satan scoffed as he hung up the phone. “Everything okay?”

“Go to Lucifer’s office.”

“W-What?”

“Just go Y/N. Something is at risk.”

Yeah her life, is all she thought.

—————

Knocking on his office door she peers in seeing him at his desk.

“Standing in the doorway is rude Y/N.”

She sighed then walked in, closing the door behind her. He didn’t seem too upset but then he closed the book he was writing in.

He then sat back in his chair, leaning on his gloved hand. His other hand outstretched as he put his hand up and beckoned her to him.

Approaching his desk she stands in front of it looking at him. His fingers now tapping on the desk in an impatient manner. “Lucifer I—“

“Is my time a joke to you Y/N? Or do you have some sort of explanation as to why you felt the need to disturb me today?”

“Well, I—“

Lucifer’s phone vibrated on his desk beside him multiple times. He signed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He turned his phone to her as she saw messages from his brothers:

WiFi Annoyance(Levi): RELEASE MY HENRY YOU VILLAIN! SHE HAS A GAMING SESSION WITH ME TONIGHT!

Bane of my Existence(Mammon): Wanna hear a joke Y/N told me Lucifer?! A pirate walked into a bar with a steering’ wheel.. then somethin’ about nuts.

WiFi Annoyance(Levi): Shut up Scammon!

He took the phone back then put it in his desk drawer and his gaze returned to her. Leaning forward his fingers interlocked tenting together, looking at you as if to size you up. His intimidating crimson eyes locking onto yours, sending shivers down your spine.

“It’s as if you’ve been attempting to enrage me.”

“I—“

“Silence.”

She swallowed as his voice reverberated in the room, making her legs tremble as he leaned back in his chair uncrossing his legs.

“To ensure you don’t interrupt my paperwork for the rest of the day I have something to keep you preoccupied.”

——————

A few minutes later

——————

Her top was torn down the front, her breasts swaying as her drool fell between her cleavage. She couldn’t stop her movement pushing him deeper, it was so hard to fit all of him.

“Remember if you stop the punishment will only get worse.” Lucifer continued to write and go through his paperwork as she was tucked under his desk, his cock buried in her mouth.

A knock came to the door then it was kicked open, Levi and Mammon walking in already arguing.

“Listen it ain’t my fault! The teacher is an ass!”

“Yeah well you shouldn’t have had my Ruri-Chan figure in class in the FIRST PLACE!”

“Oi! Don’t forget why we’re here!”

Levi and Mammon both turn to Lucifer who maintained his stoic look, ignoring them as he continued to write.

“Where’s Y/N Lucifer! Satan said she came here.”

“Yeah gimme back my human!”

She slowed to almost a stop as the hand that wasn’t writing reached down, he pushed his thumb in the corner of her mouth then pinching it he pulled her by the cheek making her continue.

“She isn’t here. I sent her back to her room to think about her actions. She is not to see anyone for the next day. Now leave before I decide to stop being lenient.”

“Tch.. fine! But I’m gonna check on her anyway!” Mammon said as he quickly ran out of Lucifer’s office.

Levi huffed and crossed his arms, “This sucks...” She could hear him pout while Lucifer takes his thumb from her mouth as he grasped her hair shoving his cock down her throat.

“Yes it does.” Lucifer watched as Levi closed the doors then his eyes shot down to her feeling her trying to push back off him for air. Leaning back to get a look at her.

Her eyes were filling with tears as she tapped his leg, the size of him in her throat easily cutting off her breathing. He was forcing her to hold her breath.

“You stopped when I told you, you couldn’t.” His grip on her hair keeping her head in place reveling in her reaction.

Her vision started to go black as he pulled himself away a bit allowing her to get some air.

As she inhaled he started thrusting his member into her, being sure to hold it in the back of her throat for an extra moment. Her hands on his thighs, clenching the fabric of his pants.

The sound of gagging and her pants for air were echoed under his desk, her mind going blank trying to make sure to breathe.

Lucifer’s cock pulsated as his other hand came down to grip her hair, increasing his pace as he grit his teeth. “If you don’t swallow everything you will lick up what spills.”

Her tongue hanging from her mouth now as his cock pressed the back of her throat. She could feel the thick hot liquid shoot down her throat, it filled her cheeks as she struggled to keep it all in her mouth.

But as he pulled his cock from her mouth she coughed and some of his cum landed on his shoe.

His tongue clicked against his teeth as he loosened his tie taking hold of her chin. “Rest assured. This is why I said you’d be in your room for a day. We will have ample time to see to it you see your punishments through.”

[monocytogenes]

Interview with a Fic Writer

Tagged by @sleepswithvillains :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? Apparently I'm up to 12 at this point lol

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 14554 (Think they're all one shots, though I do currently have something longer I'm working on)

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? So, I wrote Making Use as a fic prompt response not long after The Force Awakens came out, and I think it must've been one of a small number of Reyux fics at that time because that thing TOOK OFF. It's got 441 kudos on it and still accumulates some here and there periodically. Like, I don't even like it that much but I'm glad it makes people happy, haha.

That's followed by A Certain Comfort (Phasma/Hux, 127) and a few Batman universe fics (Locard's Principle, 86; Metaphorically, 76; Mistakes, 70.)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yeah, I try to respond to all of my commenters, though I haven't always in the past. If they leave something really excited sometimes I let it sit for a bit so I can properly match their energy.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I write a lot of angsty stuff but don't usually leave it on that note. Looking at ending alone, probably Mistakes; it's a Crane/Harley fic I wrote some years back about her coming to stay with him while still in an abusive relationship with Joker. Lots of unrequited pining there; very hurt/no comfort.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? ...This is making me realize that I don't write a lot of fics that end happily vs. things have slightly improved, I guess. I suppose Better to Be Wrecked, my SW/Quinn fic, is technically rather optimistic because it's basically a meditation on him contemplating suicide over the years and then getting treated mercifully by the woman he loves at the end, haha. Some of the stuff I wrote for Gotham (before that show went off the rails, woof) is kind of positive in outlook too.

7. Do you write crossovers? Nah, I'm more into exploring characters in the context of their own settings.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Nah, thankfully.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I've done text RP for years, and written a fair amount of smut collaboratively, but up until more recently I haven't really considered putting it into fic, lol (as @nirikeehan is wont to say--be the smut you want to see in the world!) There's the implication of it in Better to Be Wrecked and I've got something more explicit with that ship in my WIPs at the moment.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No. Fwiw, if you want to reference my OCs or worldbuilding stuff or whatever, feel free to ask.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? Don't think so. Someone recorded a read of Mistakes once, which was pretty cool.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope, but I've beta'd for Niri and I wrote a scene that's part of the backstory of her fic The Force's Will (which like, if you like Hux being smart and calculating and capable, Reylo, Poe being a badass, or at all want a take on the future after TLJ that's infinitely better than whatever the hell TROS was--read it. It's great.)

13. What’s your all time favourite ship? I can never pick one favorite, lol--honestly it's easier for me to express what ships I really don't like. For instance, having spent a lot of time in the fandom for the new trilogy, I really have zero interest in Kylux--I see their relationship as more of a complicated platonic/vaguely familial thing. (Weirdly, the ship I was probably most into with Hux was when I RPed him with a younger Leia, because they were a really incredible intellectual match for each other. I can also get behind several m/f ships with him and Hux/Poe, haha.)

I'm currently neck-deep in SWTOR and Quinn/SW is sitting in my 'favorite' slot right now, lol.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will? I have a lot of WIPs kicking around for Quinn/SW that I may or may not finish but I'd like to. There's definitely a lot of things I've got from different fandoms that I start and never complete, and I'm trying to get better about that.

15. What are your writing strengths? /checks the comments on my stuff, lol

I've been told I'm good at characterization (which like, good, because when I get into a character I'm inundating poor Niri with paragraphs of speculation about their inner lives, lol.) Honestly, the most treasured comment I got back when I was doing online RP was when I was playing a setting-native OC and was told 'he's so well-developed that I keep forgetting he's not actually part of canon'. Especially as someone who remembers a time when OCs were constantly being accused of being Mary Sues or whatever, that meant a lot.

I also think I'm pretty good at connecting ideas through the course of a fic; in one shots, I love starting with a simple notion (sometimes from the first line, e.g. "Hux was not afraid of him"; "Quinn had grown accustomed to contemplating his own death") and deconstructing/reconstructing it in different ways. A lot of the fics that influenced me early on were highly thematic and downright lyrical, so that influenced my writing quite a bit.

16. What are your writing weaknesses? As I've been writing a longer, more actiony WIP lately (my upcoming Imperial Agent fic), I've been struggling at times to find a good balance in terms of how descriptive I want to be--like, where to really move the action and where to let the characters talk and breathe. The plot's hashed out; it's just a matter of figuring out how to get from A to B, scene to scene, in part because I haven't written something super lengthy in years.

I get really particular and perfectionistic with dialogue too, sometimes; if you struggle with that as well, I find that voice-acting it to myself helps (like, literally when proofing that fic I've been doing the British accents to get the cadence right; sometimes I crack myself up when they're just perfectly sassy.)

And, you know, actually finishing stuff is a challenge, lol.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I think if it's an actual language and you're not fluent, it's best to run it past someone who is since Google Translate is Not Great much of the time. Usually I'll just indicate that the characters are speaking another language and try to represent when something comes up that doesn't have an English equivalent; you don't want to distract the reader to the point that they have to dig for footnotes but you also don't want to totally erase some of that contextual information.

I've seen this done well with an untranslatable word here or there (that, again, you can mostly deduce from context clues) and with short, subtle remarks that a character is using a familiar form of address or something. And yeah, in sci fi/fantasy stuff, I'll either do those things or repurpose slang on occasion to keep the immersion going (e.g. my Star Wars characters say the likes of 'stars forbid' or 'bantha shit' a lot as a 'they're from a different place with different belief systems' nod.)

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Lol I was writing like, shitty Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic back in elementary school and such so I guess that counts? My earliest stuff on ao3 is Batman fic; I got super into the Nolan movies years back and kind of entered the larger fandom from there.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet, but want to? Well, I've got like two different unfinished projects with Imperial Agent/Shara Jenn so I hope to grace the world with those two, lol. (She's so gooooood.)

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? There's a special place in my heart for The Incarnation of Failure. Like, there's no romance in it, it doesn't make my top 5 for hits or kudos, but it's effectively a humanizing love letter to Hux and Phasma and the First Order in general in the aftermath of TFA. I'm still sad about how their potential was squandered by the canon, but in my own mind, this fic is part of my canon.

[frostsinth]

The Secret We Keep - Epilogue

Part 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8  - MasterList -

So as a massive thank you to all my followers as I’ve hit another milestone, here’s an NSFW epilogue. Also soft and gooeyness, that gives you a little glimpse of what the pair are up to now.

As always, a huge thanks to everyone, and please check out my MasterList above if you haven’t already. While you’re there, feel free to BuyMeACoffee. Shoot me an ask/DM/comment if you have any questions or requests or thoughts. I love hearing from everyone!

Enjoy!

“Three silvers for the night,” I told the traveler, placing the now clean mug back on the shelf with the others, “And that includes a light breakfast in the morning.” 

He nodded tiredly, as it was already very late, reaching into the pouch at his belt and fishing out the coins. “Fair deal.”

 I smiled at him cheerily as I took them. “Let’s get you settled then. Gordy!” I called, turning to deposit the three silvers in the coffer behind the bar. The teenager looked up from where he was sweeping by the fireplace. “Could you be a dear and take this gentleman down to his room please?”

The boy nodded, leaning the broom against the wall and brushing his hands down his apron. There was a loud clatter and a soft woof, and the boy’s progression was suddenly impeded by a large grey body darting in front of him. Gordy nearly toppled over, barely managing to catch himself on the nearest bench. The last of the patrons gathered at the table in the far corner laughed loudly, and the poor boy’s ears turned pink. The traveler jerked in surprise, raising his hands defensively as the huge beast lopped over to him and began wuffing a big black nose at his pockets.

“Kosh!” I scolded, whipping the edge of my cleaning cloth lightly at the wolfhound’s snout. The big hound backed up a few feet with a sneeze and a shake.  “Apologies, sir. He may be big, but he’s just a pup. He’s still in training.”

And big he was! The large stormy grey dog was only a few months old but already came up to my waist. With long, lanky legs, huge paws, and a scraggily coat, he looked like a disproportionate grey lion more than a dog. For all his bulk though, he was a gentle soul; reminding me fondly of another such individual in my life. His scruffy tail wagged eagerly back and forth, long tongue lolling out as Gordy stalked over with a grumble. The wolfhound panted and whimpered as the teenager gestured for the traveler to follow him. Gordy shoved him amiably as he passed and the dog licked at his hand.

“Last room on the left.” I instructed him. I smiled kindly at the stranger. “Breakfast is set here in the bar room a few hours after dawn. Come up whenever you’re ready.”

The man nodded appreciatively, casting the big dog a final wary eye before following the equally lanky teenager down the stairs to the basement. Another loud roar of laughter and the slamming of fists on wood had me turning a critical eye back to the last table and setting my hands on my hips. The men there shoved at each other companionably, clanking their drinking horns together. Kosh gave another soft woof and padded back over to them.

“Finish up, gentleman!” I called over, slinging the cloth back over my shoulder. “We’re closing up for the evening.”

They gave an almost uniform groan of disappointment. The biggest of the group laughed again, clapping his meaty green hand on the shoulder of his closest companion.

“You’ll have to get back to your wives at some point, boys!” The orc exclaimed as the man sputtered into his drink under the weight of his huge hand. “Can’t hide here forever!”

That brought up another chorus of laughter, and a few more clinking cups. The orc tossed back the last of his own drink by way of example. The other men started to follow suit, nodding their agreement.

“Bar’tok, perhaps you’d like to take a break from drinking all my ale, and fetch me a fresh keg from the basement.” I scolded genially, raising an eyebrow at him.

He gave me his familiar sheepish grin, standing quickly. “Sure thing, Boss Lady!”

I tossed him the key as he sauntered past, then returned to closing up behind the bar. I gathered the last of the scraps into the bucket at the end of the bar, and replaced the now clean horns on the shelf with the rest. I moved out to gather the few remaining at the tables, and waved to the men as they dropped their coin and bid me goodnight. Alone for the moment, I paused briefly, taking stock of the place with a warm satisfaction spreading through my chest at the sight of the renovated tavern. 

In just the few short months since I bought it from oldman Hinson, we had expanded the bar room, clearing out all of the smaller first floor rooms and anything not completely necessary for the structure of the building. Leaving an open floorplan with high post and beam ceilings. I had put up the biggest of my collected antlers and horns as well as a few purchased patterned tapestries on the walls and had a large sheepskin spread before the fire where Kosh now stretched and yawned before collapsing with a thump onto his hairy belly. There was enough space for half a dozen tables, and the huge, remade fireplace made the whole place feel warm and inviting. We had also made the main door taller, and added a second to allow for my big and burly new patrons who visited the tavern frequently to have easy access. Behind the bar was a small kitchen, with a deep clay oven for bread as well as a stone open fire spit for cooking meat. Cast iron pots and pans hung neatly on the wall beside it, and fine wood shelves were near overflowing with various wines, liquors, and spirits as well as the plentiful number of drinking horns I possessed. The kegs lined the inside of the counter, ready and waiting, with a few large black iron lanterns set at the corners.

Below, we had remodeled the basement to host four small guest rooms as well as a storage room. Plenty of space to store a stockpile of ales and spirits to keep the patrons happy as well as serving as a cold ground storage larder for potatoes, onions, and other long term keeps. The staircase up to the loft apartment had been redone as well, and it looked quite grand with its short balcony at the top overlooking the barroom below. It was only accessible from behind the bar, in order to keep drunken patrons from wandering up unbidden.

The teenager trumped back up the less impressive basement steps now, stifling a yawn behind one freckled hand. I smirked, finished with my admiration of the renovations, and bringing my load of dishes back to the counter. 

“I’m all set for the evening, Gordy, why don’t you head home?” I told him, then dug out his pay for the week as well as some jerky from my secret stash. “If you wouldn’t mind taking the scraps out to the hogs on your way out.”

He nodded eagerly, taking the small handful of coins and jerky excitedly. He crammed the meat into his mouth and the coins into his pocket (and I was grateful he kept that order straight) and gathered up the bucket with a grunt. I smiled as he tossed his apron onto the barrel by the basement door and staggered towards the exit.

“Goodnight, ma’am!” He called through a mouthful of jerky over his shoulder as he slugged the door open. “See you bright and early to help with the goblin order!”

I waved him off, turning as Bar’tok came up the stairs as well, one huge keg balanced on his big green shoulder. I smiled at him, nodding to its place in the corner.

“Just there if you would, Bar’tok, thank you.” I gathered up the tray of dirty plates and horns to bring over to the bucket of water I kept by the back door to let them soak overnight. I would finish cleaning them in the morning while breakfast cooked, it was already very late.

The creak of the main door behind me and excited bark from Kosh had me slowing my clean up distractedly. Wondering if Gordy had forgotten something. But when I glanced over at Bar’tok who was facing the door, the wide, knowing grin he shot over my shoulder had my heart skipping a beat.

“I’ll finish up down here, Boss Lady,” He told me, taking the tray from my hands. “You have better things to do with your time.”

I spun eagerly, a smile already spreading across my face even before my eyes settled on the huge, burly orc currently shoving a leaping wolfhound down from trying to lick at his face. His face was set into a heavy scowl, his brow knotted. But as soon as our eyes met, his features instantly softened. I was already untying my apron and coming around the counter as he strode across the room. I gave a little yelp of delight as he swept me up without breaking his stride, sitting me on the bar and wrapping his big arms around me. There was a clatter and a clash as one of the lanterns toppled off the end, having been bumped by an errant elbow, and his big face flushed slightly. I ignored it, catching hold of his face with both hands.

“...Welcome home.” I breathed against his lips as he slowly pulled out of his customary crushing kiss. As if he were drowning in the sea and my mouth was his first taste of air. I ran my fingers through his thick hair, then cupped his bushy square jowls fondly.

Hans grunted deeply, his big nose flaring as he drew in deep breaths of my scent. His eyes turned doe-like, and his lips fell into that soft curl I loved. He placed another light kiss against my waiting mouth, then gave a distracted and irritated snort as he had to turn to push the whimpering, bouncing dog half clambering up his side. The pooch did not like being altogether forgotten as we were reunited once more for the first time in nearly a week. I laughed, reaching behind the bar to grab a well planned bone and tossing it off towards the center of the room. Kosh gave a final booming bark, then darted off, his claws scratching the worn wood as he pursued his treat.

I wrapped my arms around the big orc’s neck as he scooped me into his arms, pinning my hips flat against his waist, parallel to him with my legs dangling straight towards the floor. Bar’tok smirked as we passed him by, and I felt my ears grow hot, but Hans didn’t even spare him a glance. He carried me around the back of the bar, eyes never leaving my face as he made his way up the stairs to our apartment overhead. As if he couldn’t soak in the sight of me enough. I smiled, bending down and resting my forehead against his, breathing in his musky scent and feeling my heart race again at his touch. He shoved open the door with a pleased grunt, then kicked it closed behind him.

Spinning, he pinned me against the back of it, smothering me with kisses once more. I shifted, wrapping my legs as far around his huge torso as they would go, running my hands over his shoulders and neck. He growled deeply, the sound vibrating against my lips and my body, then pulled back only to bury his face in his favorite place against the side of my neck. Nipping and kissing and tasting my skin there. I gave a breathy moan, and felt another growl against my throat as his tusks ran over my tender flesh there. His thick tongue traced over the long since faded scratch, and he kissed the spot delicately where Wren’s knife had nicked me as he always did, before moving down to my collarbone. I rubbed at his muscles, sliding my little hands under his armor to trace over the tough skin of his back. He rumbled with pleasure at the sensation, pressing against me gently, pinning me against the back of the door and surrounding me with his bulk. I felt the familiar ache building within me, and squeezed my thighs around him. His nostrils flared as he pulled in the fresh scent of my arousal. Another deep, husky growl vibrated against my neck.

Curling around me again, he hoisted me off the door with both meaty hands on my ass and spun back to the room. Two of his long strides and he dropped me onto our huge bed against the back wall, where I bounced lightly. I could hardly stand to wait for him as he fumbled with his travelling cloak and armor. His ax made a loud thunk as he dropped it on our table, and I felt a flush rising to my cheek. Wondering if Bar’tok could hear us still. I was sure there was no masking the clatter of the chair falling over as Hans struggled to remove his armor as quickly as he could and knocked into it. But it was all quickly forgotten though as my attention settled on Hans’ face, his eyes hooded, his big tongue licking his lips. I bit my own lip, kicking off my new boots and stockings and sliding backwards onto the bed.

The big orc pulled his tunic up and over his head, and I hardily appreciated the sight of his flexing chest and stomach muscles beneath. I sucked in the view greedily, drawing in a sharp breath as he dropped quickly onto the bed and crawled after me. I hooked my hand around the back of his head, pulling him down into another deep kiss. He dragged my body closer to his, his growl becoming a soft groan as my other hand rubbed at the stiffness between his legs. He bent in half, bringing his hips closer to my reach while keeping our mouths locked together. I parted my lips, inviting him in, and his hot tongue eagerly slid after mine.

I felt his hand moving up my leg, pushing up my skirts. I could feel his need and eagerness bleeding into me. Desperate to be connected again in every way we possibly could. Cannily soaking up every minute of our coupling. He moved gently, but persistently, hitching up my dress around my hips and pushing my legs apart. Then he pushed my hand aside and scooped me up, bringing me to meet his own hips and grinding firmly between my legs. I quivered beneath him, and felt his hot lips and tusks scrape against my jaw as I tossed my head back against the bed. He rolled his hips again, then again, and panted against my throat, the roughness of his trousers coupled with the firmness of his erection sending us both into fits.

With the lightest of touches, I planted my palm against his chest and pushed him back. He moved obediently, retracting, frowning slightly until he realized I was following after. The big orc rolled onto his back with a grunt, and I bunched my skirts up at my hips as I straddled his. He looked at me, his dark eyes hungry, his tongue tracing over his thick lips. My legs barely reached the bed on either side of his huge body, but I was able to grind against his growing bulge over the top of his pants all the same, and now it was his turn for his head to fall back in enjoyment. I did it a few times more, teasing him until his big meaty hand clamped down on my hip and his foot kicked out, knocking into the chest at the foot of the bed as he gave a hearty groan.

I rose up onto the balls of my feet, crouching over him and grabbing at the edge of his pants. He helped me to slide his trousers off, freeing his huge cock with a relieved sigh. I tossed his pants off to the side, and winced at the clang of the candlestick toppling off the end table with it. He snorted, casting an eye over towards the mess, but quickly returning his husky gaze to my face. I blushed, shyly looking away from him, but settled just behind his member. After a moment’s hesitation, I began rubbing myself back and forth across its length. He groaned again, his hand on my hip squeezing lightly, his hips jerking involuntarily beneath me. I couldn’t help but grin now, delighted by how easily I had the huge orc at my mercy. His free hand came up, yanking at the collar of my dress, loosening the ties and pushing it off my shoulders. I heard a rip, but didn’t care. It wouldn’t be the first time. Hans wrestled with the cloth until my breasts bounced free. The familiar pendant slapped against my sternum, its chain cool against my already flushed skin. He slid his palms slowly up my body, from my hips to my breasts, then cupped one in each hand. Massaging the malleable tissue and pinching lightly at my nipples.

That sent my patience over the edge, and I reached down as I balanced briefly back on the balls of my feet, guiding him into place. His grip on me tightened as I slowly slid myself onto his cock, and both of our mouths dropped open. He gave an untampered moan, thumbing my nipples a final time before sliding his hands to wrap about my waist. Easing me onto his massive girth.

He was still too large to me; every time he felt a little painful going in. Until my arousal offset his size, and all I could feel was the burning heat. I had come to enjoy that sensation of his cock stretching me. The pain it brought was just a teasing reminder of the pleasure to come. This time was no different, and as I sunk down to the base, my thighs quivered with delight. I stayed there a moment, felt him twitch beneath me expectantly, enjoying the heat of his body between my legs.

When I began to move up and down, his head lolled back again, and his hands on my waist tightened. His hips bucked up against mine as I came down, practically tossing me up into the air. I was quickly gasping, the pressure and pleasure building within me. I leaned forward, placing my palms on his broad chest to give myself a better rocking momentum. My core flexed and tightened, and I held my breath as my vision flashed white. Close. I was so close already. I was slowing, unable to keep the pace as my head began to swim and my mouth dropped back open.

With a hearty growl, he cupped my ass in his hands, and deftly rolled. I gasped loudly as my shoulders hit the bed, my hips hoisted up as he bent me over his knees. His meaty palms massaged my backside as he slowly rolled his hips against mine. I saw stars at the edge of my eyes, and my moan was embarrassingly loud. It only encouraged the hulking orc, and he picked up my previous momentum and then some. Our hips smacking together loudly, the bed rocking and creaking beneath us. He moved deeper, plunged harder, and my back arched in response. I couldn’t reach him with my hands, so balled my fists into the sheets as I felt myself edging closer again.

I cried out, felt the gushing release, and felt him growl again. Bending over me. Riding through my climax with his fast, deep thrusts. I reached up, catching the back of his neck and pulling him down to me as I lifted my shoulders off the bed to meet him. Forcing him to bend in half over my hips lifted to his to crush our mouths together. I bit his thick lip as I fell back.

“Don’t stop!” I breathed, my fingers clenching into his thick mane.

He rumbled again, and his thrusts returned to their previous pace. Sensitive and wetter than before, I nearly peaked again. But instead came to a comfortable, rolling edge of pleasure that I melted into as I felt him shudder and groan a few minutes later.

My eyes must have closed, because I didn’t know he had bent back down until his big lips pressed back against mine. I willingly opened my mouth, inviting in his huge tongue, rolling mine around it. His tusks scraped against my cheeks, and I could feel his long hair brushing against my face.

I shuddered with delight as he slowly pulled out, my heart racing in my breast. He broke our kiss to run his lips down my jaw, down my neck, kissing over my sternum and each collar bone, skirting the pendant. Licking up the damp sweat pooling there. I laughed weakly, feeling his progress with my hand still on the back of his head.

Finally he came back up, having made it nearly to my navel and covered almost every inch of my flushed skin with his big mouth. I opened my eyes, looking up at him with a languid smile. His slate blue gaze, the stormy skies at sea, watched me with a great soft warmth in their depths. I sighed happily as he kissed me again, letting his big hand scoop under my waist and pull me to lay on him as he rolled onto his back.

“I missed you.” I told him, propping myself up on my elbows over his chest to look down at him.

He sighed deeply, contentedly, running his big hands up and down my bare back. Pushing my ruined skirt off the rest of the way and tossing it to the side. I rolled down, resting my ear against his chest to hear his own racing heart beneath.

“Would that you never had to.” He murmured, his deep, rolling timbre sending shivers down my spine.

I kissed the skin of his breast, tasting the salty sweat there, then ran the tip of my tongue over the nipple. He chuffed lightly beneath my administrations, and I smiled.

“I always miss you,” I admitted quietly, tracing my fingertips over his firm muscles, laying a light kiss on each after my fingers passed over them, “Even when you just go to the other room.” I craned my neck back, stretching and sliding up to kiss at his thick neck. “I never want to be away from you.”

He gave a heavy snort, one of his happy ones, his big hand coming up to trace his large knuckles gently along my jaw. “I don’t deserve you.” He said, his words belittled by the fondness with which he spoke them.

I rested my elbows on his chest again, propping myself up to lean over his head and meet his gaze. I smiled shyly, and his thick brow softened, his lips curled into my favorite gentle shape. He kept the back of his hand against the edge of my face, his thumb coming out to wipe lightly against my cheek. I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes.

“You undervalue yourself.” I replied.

I felt his rumbling reply down the length of my body laid atop his torso. “I have done nothing good in my life. Nothing deserving of a reward like you… But by the Gods I am thankful for whatever fool made the mistake that brought you to me...” He brushed his hand open, resting his palm flat against the side of my face. “... I would give you everything in my power. Anything you want.”

I smiled, opening my eyes to meet his. “I want nothing.” I reminded him. “Just you. You’re all I need to be happy.”

He grunted, shaking his head in disbelief as he always did. “I could give you more….”

“You have given me everything.” I assured him, turning and resting my head back into the crook of his neck. “I don’t think I could ever be happier.”

He sighed, the deep billowing breath causing me to rise and fall with his chest. I closed my eyes, listening to it gush through his lungs like bellows on a forge. He ran his hand through my hair, gently stroking it as our breathing and heart rates slowed. Shifting, he wrapped his arm around me, rolling onto his side and cocooning me with his huge body.

“You are my everything, Madara,” He whispered against the top of my head, “You are my air. My heart. My world.”

I smiled, nuzzling against him and tucking myself neatly into his chest. “Then you have already given me the world.”

...

The End (for now)

[mimik-u]

“Mr. Universe” Thoughts:

Pie in ice cream looks good on paper, but oh my go d, it’s super duper sweet. My town has a local milkshake place where their gimmick is putting whole ass slices of cake/pie in their milkshakes andidjdoejsmsjdisijs it’s so much.

Aughshdhsh, Greg is being wonderful here: attentive, caring, present.

“I spent so long trying to figure out whether or not I was Mom, now that I actually know I’m me, it’s like I have no idea who that is.” ;-; I think I talked about this in some odd post or another, but something I really commend Future for doing is showing what it’s like to be sixteen and faced with an existential identity crisis. This really is that time where kids have to reconcile their pasts with who they are now in the present and who they ultimately want to be in the future. It can be a scary process sometimes—if not most times—and here, of course, it’s heightened by the extraordinariness of Steven’s story and selfhood.

Greg with short hair is good, but I keep staring at him thinking something is wrong here firirkifiejdjdjdjs.

THE DEAR, OLD DAD SONG. AUGHNDF, MY FEEL IN G S

My favorite shot in this montage is the one of Steven snoring and Greg fondly looking over, a small smile on his face. 😭😭😭

Omg, is this Greg’s childhood home????????

Oh, my go d, the living room looks like my grandmother’s living room used to. The woolen doily on the couch. The assorted knickknacks everywhere. The wooden walls.

“Letters from Dad? They’re all unopened.” That is one of the saddest fucking lines I’ve ever heard in this show. What the actual

And then the camera zooms into one of the pictures on the wall that confirms where we are—this is Greg’s parents’ house. From the portrait alone, I get the vibe that Greg’s folks were the strict, high expectations, buttoned up shirts kind of parents. And if this is true, then boyyyy, that Rose/Greg parallel is really going to hit me in the feels.

As Steven enthuses about this new revelation in the background, Greg’s back is turned to him, but we see his face: the melancholy in it, the conflicted feelings.

“You looked just like me... only more human.” AUGH. DAMMIT, THIS SHOW.

I was talking to someone on AO3 about how Future has really made me appreciate the human episodes in SU more in hindsight, not because they were the most engaging in the series—admittedly, there are only a few I can name that stand out to me as being favorites—but because of their overarching function. These episodes were the ones in which Steven got to be half-human, in which he learned about what it was to be a human generally. But inherently, the tension has always resided in the fact that Steven is neither fully human nor fully gem. As the original show progressed, Steven and the people around him tried their best to navigate this tension, especially in the earlier seasons. You have quotes like Garnet reminding Amethyst and Pearl that Steven needs his human friends. You have Greg and Connie forming a “humans” bond, which Steven silently felt excluded from. You have Steven feeling on the outside of Onion’s group of friends. And the more Steven became necessarily drawn into the mythos of his mother and his inherited powers, the less human-centric episodes there were, which tracks with Steven’s development as the half-gem savior of Earth, but unfortunately, in the commotion, he lost out on fleshing out his humanness, too. This is a big part of the pathos in “Bismuth Casual,” which reveals to us that Steven’s forgotten how to talk to humans who aren’t Connie and his dad. And this is a huge part of the pathos in this episode, too, Steven yearning for his father’s humanity and wanting to connect to his past.

Greg’s graduation photo. ;-; He looks so sad. And is that, like, a military buzz cut?

OH, HE GOT HIS LAST NAME OFF OF A SONG 😭😭

This song is really lovely. 😭

Greg’s eyes being bright with his tears as nostalgia rushes in. 😭

“They can’t be worse than Mom’s family.” WOOF.

“I can’t believe I ever realized you’re just like Mom.” FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUFUFFJF

“I grew up in a VAN. I never went to school. I’ve never been to a doctor until two days ago.” I CSNT DO THIS. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

“My problem is that I’m a UNIVERSE.” FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKF CUFKCMDUFJC

OH MY GOD THE VAN

HOLY SHIT THE VAN FLIPPED

JESUS

HE WAS UNCONSCIOUS LONG ENOUGH FOR A TOW TRUCK TO BE CALLED???? GREG, CALL AN AMBULANCE?????

OH, GOD, GREG TRIES TO BE POSITIVE AND MOVE AWAY FROM THE DEEP EMOTIONAL STUFF, BUT IT’S PRECISELY NOT WHAT STEVEN NEEDS TO HEAR AT THE MOMENT, SO HE TUNES HIM OUT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT

NO. THIS EPISODE. OUCH

HE DELETES THE PHOTO BC GREG DE MAYO ISN’T PRESENT. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

FUCK?

I’m suing this show for emotional damages.

Final thoughts: Greg’s life, like Rose’s was as Pink, was heavily regulated to the point of suffocation, and so I think it makes sense then that Greg’s own parenting style has decidedly been the antithesis of that. He’s pretty much allowed Steven to do as he pleases and not exert that same sort of exacting control that he experienced from his own parents. But just as Greg’s parents represented an extreme in parenting, I think, too, that Greg’s on the polar end. Steven was loved and cared for, which is fundamentally the most important thing, but there was a lot of maintenance work (a la parenting) that I think Greg unfortunately wasn’t attentive to in his desire to be the total corrective to his parents. Yes, Steven should have gone to a doctor way before two days ago. Yes, Steven should have gone to at least elementary and middle school. Greg says, in response to the doctor bit, “You’re a gem. You weren’t like other kids,” but just as everyone else has done over the course of the last couple of years, he, too, has forgotten the fundamental fact that Steven is half-human.

And ofc, I think there’s absolutely something to be said about the fact that Steven, having not known his grandparents, can’t accurately judge the situation as he did with his mother and the Diamonds. I don’t think it’s fair for Steven to completely compare Greg and Rose together because he’s missing essential context, or maybe, more accurately still, he’s forgetting a crucial fact. Greg has apparently tried—for years—to reestablish contact with his parents, and the silence of the unopened letters speaks louder than words. Unlike the Diamonds, awful as they undoubtedly were, the DeMayo parents don’t appear to want reconciliation, and that’s an important distinction.

But then, God, I think about that last scene again and go feral. Greg, your kid just accidentally flipped the van, and you don’t, like, call an ambulance? Instead of being emotionally honest with him, you default into safe and sage platitudes that both of you know aren’t entirely authentic in light of everything that has happened?

But THEN, I think... well, what did I expect? This has been Greg’s modus operandi for the entirety of the series. When bad things happen, he tries his damnedest to subjugate all of his negative emotions beneath his chosen veneer of the calm, easygoing father. It used to work—it used to work so well—but not anymore.

A fact I’m not sure that Greg recognized at the end of this episode.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

[iamnotawomanimagod]

The 100 for the indepth ask thing!

Thank you, my friend!! Always happy to hear from you 🥰

Top 5 favourite characters:

1. Octavia

2. Murphy

3. Emori

4. Echo

5. Jasper

Other characters you like:

I will always have a lot of love in my heart for Monty, Raven, Lincoln, and Lexa. 

Least favourite characters:

Clarke, Bellamy, Kane, and Abby.  

OTPs: 

Linctavia and Memori 

NoTPs: 

Bellarke, Kabby, a handful of others that are more “meh” than outright “no.” 

Favourite friendships:

Jasper and Monty; Raven and Emori; Monty and Bellamy; Octavia, Jasper, and Monty; Indra and Octavia; Clarke and Roan; Raven and Echo. 

Favourite family: 

Spacekru! Forever! Although the Diyoza-Blakes give them a run for their money.

Favourite episodes: 

I’m a sucker for good standalones, even when the rest of the season sucks, or the episodes don’t make much thematic sense in context of the season/show. Fair warning. That being said: 

1x05, 1x08, 2x08, 2x12, 3x04, 4x07, 4x08, 4x10, 4x13*, 5x02, 5x11, and uhhh that’s when the show ended right**??

*For someone who hates s4, I sure do like a lot of individual episodes from it.

**There were storylines and moments I liked in s6 and s7, but no one episode stands out for me in either season.

Favourite season/book/movie:

Probably s2 or s5.

Favourite quotes:

Pretty much all the Trigedasleng lol.

“Yu gonplei ste odon.”

“Gomon gon oson.”

“Jus drein, jus daun.”

What a fun and silly conlang. 

Best musical moment:

I really love this moment, where Raven takes The Chip, and “Thousand Eyes” by Of Mouse and Men plays. Lindsey does such an incredible job portraying Raven’s sorrow, pain, and desperation. It’s so chilling when the music picks up and gets louder, and Raven slowly realizes that her pain is gone, and she looks up and sees ALIE for the first time. We as an audience realize how dangerous Raven will be, on ALIE’s side, but all Raven feels is wonder and relief. I think the song really captures that feeling so well, and the lyrics reflect Raven’s motivation: “I lie awake, and watch it all/it feels like a thousand eyes.” She’s under so much pressure, mostly internal, but also external, to help her friends and make sure people she cares about survives. I love this song and I’ll always associate it with this moment.

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest:

 “You are wonkru, or you are the enemy of wonkru. Choose.”

Roan versus Lexa

Royal Memori Saving Everyone

When it really disappointed you:

Season 6. With the exceptions of Memori and my affection for Josephine, the season was a total flop for me. Season 7 just continued the downward spiral at an even faster rate. A few bright spots, but overall, just garbage. 

Saddest moment:

Woof. There’s several.

1. Lexa’s death, obvi

2. Jasper’s death

3. Lincoln’s death

4. Monty and Harper’s farewell videos

5. Emori’s death (only so low on the list because she came back) 

Most well done character death:

I got a lot of satisfaction out of Cage Wallace’s death. Lincoln deserved that vengeance.

In terms of emotional impact, I do think Jasper and Lexa’s death scenes were very well-done.

I know it’s messed up and I’m probably wrong, but god if I don’t love seeing Pike get run through with that sword.

Favourite guest star:

Alycia Debnam Carey put this show on the fucking map, and no one can truly argue otherwise. Without her, I doubt this show would’ve gone on for as long as it did. The show was carried by appearances and mentions of her right up until the very end. She even got the last word. Tell me of a more iconic guest star?? 

Favourite cast member:

I definitely really like Richard Harmon and Luisa d’Oliveria. I think they have the greatest chances of having truly successful careers out of everyone. 

Character you wish was still alive:

Jasper. :( 

One thing you hope really happens:

Well, it’s over. So nothing is going to happen again. I like the idea of some other pocket of humanity that decided not to transcend stumbling upon the Beachkru several years post-canon. And the aliens conveniently forget to actually make that sterile thing real. Humanity lives in, cultures continue to develop and grow, and there are lots of new generations to come! AKA the thing I wanted all along and really hoped they’d do, but they just kept destroying every society they met!!

Most shocking twist:

Finn’s death was really, truly so shocking to me. For one, Lexa’s death so greatly overshadowed it in fandom (at the time) that I managed to see it completely unspoiled. I also wasn’t into the BTS stuff at the time, so I didn’t know about any drama. It took me fully by surprise - I never expected the show to really kill another lead like that. 

When did you start watching/reading?:

It took me several tries to start this show. Getting through those first four episodes was a tough ask for me. By the time I finished what was available, s3 was over. So I technically joined fandom during the hiatus between s3 and s4.  

Best animal/creature:

God the animals in this show were silly. I liked those weird panther things.

Favourite location:

The dropship, Memori’s palace, Becca’s lab. 

Trope you wish they would stop using:

Listen. I loved the callbacks at first. I fucking ate them up. But at some point, this show became so self-referential that new plotlines ceased to exist. It became almost comical. How many times did these characters need to learn these lessons??

One thing this show/book/film does better than others:

The early camaraderie of The Hundred, and the way they worked sort of against the Establishment/Adults, was a lot of fun. Other shows have done it, but I think The 100 does it very well.

Funniest moments:

Unintentionally or intentionally, lmao?? Idk, there were a lot of quippy moments. Most of what Murphy said was hilarious.

Couple you would like to see:

I always wanted them to give Niytavia a shot, but they were cowards. 

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast:

I’m not super attached to any actors or actresses that would fit on this show. 

Favourite outfit:

Blodreina’s red cape, Emori’s royal Naming Day ‘fit, Murphy’s sleek black formal looks, Clarke’s soda can tab jacket, Raven’s red bomber jacket.

Favourite item:

When Clarke picks up a piece of Lexa’s throne and uses it as a walking stick when she’s alone post Praimfaya 2.0

Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?:

Nah.

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?:

I mean, I feel like Spacekru is the most obvious choice.

Most boring plotline:

When they spent several episodes rescuing Clarke from Josephine. Most of s4. The back half of s3. Most of s7.

Most laughably bad moment:

When Bellamy brought Clarke back to life by repeatedly punching her in the chest, and inside of her mind, Clarke threw an axe at Josephine’s face and Josie exploded into a bunch of shards of light.

When Clarke shot Bellamy over Madi’s sketchbook and left the sketchbook behind.

When Clarke and Bellamy took turns tying each other up and putting the people most important to one another in horrible situations and it was treated like a cute little bump in their timeless friendship. 

Best flashback/flashfoward if any:

I really love the Spacewalker reveal.

Most layered character:

Murphy came so far, and had so much development. I think Richard did a great job giving him a lot of depth and dimension. 

Most one dimensional character:

Clarke’s entire personality and arc didn’t change at all after the s2 finale. She was a loose cannon hell-bent on saving the people she loved, no matter what the cost. The most interesting things that happened to her were almost dying and actually dying, and the main reason for that is because it gave other characters and storylines more time to shine.

Scariest moment:

That fucking creepy cage creature on Nakara that attacked Raven’s face. Seeing it through the helmet was so terrifying. Another one is that scene in s2 when Lincoln is a reaper, and Octavia and Bellamy are trying to lure him into a trap in an old parking garage.

Grossest moment:

This show was remarkably gory for its network and time slot. I can think of several. I’d rather not dwell on them. 

Best looking male:

Lincoln is a babe.

Best looking female:

Gotta hand this one to Lexa

Who you’re crushing on (if any):

I mean, most of them. Half of why I watched was pure thirst. Emori, Murphy, Lexa, and Octavia all come to mind. Diyoza, too.

Favourite cast moment:

Idk I’m always partial to blooper reels.

Favourite transportation:

HELIOS. The most beautiful badass horse in the world. 

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise):

I mean, most of the overhead shots are really pretty, but it’s also the same five locations in Vancouver, and that really starts to show at some point.

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you:

I genuinely think we don’t have time for this. I have way too many to count. 

Best promo:

Nothing really comes to mind.

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book:

I was convinced to stick it out and see it through by 1x05. I truly thought it was something special by 2x08. I’ve gone up and down about it ever since.

Thanks again, Meghan!

Send Me a Fandom and I’ll Answer Some In-Depth Questions!

[tomorrowsdrama]

Hyena Ep. 16

I’m baaack!  Kind of.  I think I hit that point in my quarantine life where I kind of lost my mind so I went on an unexpected hiatus that lasted longer than intended.  I know it’s been over a month after the finale of Hyena but here are my ramblings.  This post is super long so I’ll save my thoughts on the series as a whole for another post.

Objectively, it was a pretty good finale that was entertaining and wrapped up the important plot lines.  We even got some sweet otp moments (more on that later) and satisfying smackdown of the bad guy.  But subjectively?  Personally?  Purely based on my selfish expectations?  I wanted more romance!  More sexiness!  I wasn’t expecting a wedding or anything like that but, not even one kiss?  Or a long embrace?  Why????

I mean, how can you give me all this sexy chemistry in the promos:

And then not make use of it in the finale?  That’s just not fair I say!  I feel bamboozled!

Ep. 16

Anyway, let’s talk about the parts I enjoyed of the finale.  This is mainly (99%) going to be about the moments between Geum Ja and Hee Jae.  So on the morning of episode 16, way back when, I woke up so excited for the finale.  Since this was the last episode, surely there will be a kiss!  And surely it would be epic given the chemistry between JJH and KHS.  I mean did you see that kiss in episode 8?  So when we started off the episode with the scene of Hee Jae telling Geum Ja he didn’t want to see her hurt anymore, I was amped.  Yes, we’re starting off strong with the romantic scenes I thought.

How can you not fall for him?

Geum Ja, you are not a gangster, you do not need to show your story through the scars on your body.  Joking aside, it’s sad that she’s been through so much in life that she has the scars to prove it. 

I love that Hee Jae says this half-sarcastically but you can tell that he truly does not want Geum Ja to go through any more pain/suffering.  And it’s his sincerity that makes Geum Ja smile so softly.  And this is where they kiss right?

Nope, he gets a hearty bro punch in the shoulder.

Cut for lots of caps and ramblings.  It’s a bit of a mini novel, you’ve been warned!

Mmm I loved how many scenes of concerned Hee Jae we got in this episode.  

Geum Ja screams from a nightmare and Hee Jae immediately runs into the office to check on her.  The only way he could have reacted so quickly is if he was sitting outside the office guarding Geum Ja which...AHHH I think I’ve just died and gone to hurt/comfort heaven.  Just look at JJH’s face.

EEE!  I audibly squealed when Geum Ja said this.  Ok, now I’ve truly died.  Geum Ja?  Asking to be comforted?  By Hee Jae?  What?  This is major.  She’s finally letting down her walls a little bit around Hee Jae and allowing herself to be vulnerable.  Keep on leaning I say!  Lean all the way into bed.

Omg and then she showed concern over Hee Jae’s own emotional state despite her own trauma.  His dad totally betrayed him just a few hours ago so Hee Jae’s having a pretty shitty day too.  But of course, Hee Jae is only concerned about Geum Ja.  Ahh, how many times is he going to make me swoon in this episode?  

Feet piled on top of each other?!  Are they finally in bed together?

Of course not.  Unfortunately, this isn’t that type of drama.  SIGH.  But this is still very sweet and squeal-inducing.

Have I talked about how much I love JJH’s little sly smirks?

I love that these two fools can’t stop worrying about the other.  Geum Ja knows better than anyone how deep emotional scars caused by a parent can be.  On top of that, Hee Jae’s father was someone he respected and loved, so the blow is even bigger.  I just really like it when my otp show how much they care about each other, ok?

Look at that smile on Hee Jae’s face.  It’s like there’s no other place he would rather be than next to Geum Ja. 

No, please don’t.  Y’all are not 12.  Please get at least a queen size bed with plenty of room for two adults to move around in and do...adult things lol.

And then.  AND THEN!  Geum Ja takes the initiative and turns over towards Hee Jae.  She’s finally the one taking the first step towards him without any prodding.  And Hee Jae smiles to himself and follows her lead to turn over also.  And then the two fools smile lovingly at each other as they fall asleep.  Omg, excuse me, I need a moment.  I’ve temporarily passed on to the other side from sheer otp happiness.

This moment was just too good.  I literally raised both my arms up into the air and cheered when I first watched this episode.  I thought, wow the writers are feeding us so well.  They’re showering us with so many romantic scenes.  The otp caring for each other?  Being tender with each other?  Sharing a “bed?”  I don’t want to ever get off this love train, keep it coming!  This is only the first third of the episode so surely it can only go up from here.

And then it ended on a comedic note.  I guess I should have seen that coming.  This is SBS, not TVN (or JTBC from the looks of The World of the Married).  Hah, well I suppose they both had a pretty tiring day so it’s understandable that they would not have much energy to do anything else.

It’s the little everyday things like asking if she’s ok that get me.

(JJH I thirst for you.)

Suuuuure you are.

Lol, he wouldn’t be Hee Jae if he didn’t pull something childish/petty.  At least Geum Ja is amused by it and finds it cute now.  Get you a man who can be both your emotional support and amusing bratty boyfriend.

Geum Ja does end up meeting Hee Jae for dinner and he can’t help but smile a little.  Gosh, it takes so little from Geum Ja to make him happy.

(damn, look at that profile!)

So some time during this episode, Geum Ja’s adoptive father died off-screen from the stab wound he sustained while stopping her assailant.  At first, I went “Huh, that’s it?”  But then the more I thought about it, the more I liked how matter-of-factly it was treated.  It’s certainly consistent with how Geum Ja deals with things.  Also, she faced her demons/him in a previous episode so you could say that she already resolved that chapter of her life.  

Still, you could tell that she’s not completely unaffected by it.  KHS’s acting in this scene is so good. You can tell there’s more to it than what she’s saying just by the little subtle changes in her expression.  I can only imagine the many complicated feelings she must be experiencing.  

On the one hand, he’s the worst part of her past life and surely deserved to die.  But on the other hand, unintentional or not, he died saving her.  Geum Ja does not state this with any affection or sentimentality in her voice.  It is merely something that happened.  Thank goodness the writers did not try to redeem him in the last minute.  One good deed does not make up for all the violence and abuse inflicted on her and her mother.  

Anyway, all that muddled history and emotions would make anybody conflicted.  They really handled it the best way they could - simply state what happened and move on.  No hate, no praise, no sadness.  He was a terrible man who paid the ultimate price and died.  I like that Hee Jae understands not to push the matter any further and changes the subject.

Bro, you’re delusional if you think you still have a chance with her.  

And then we get to the ubiquitous Big Shareholder Meeting that we see so often in dramas.  I love how Geum Ja is so ballsy in everything she does and she does it all in her comfy tracksuits. Of course the Big Shareholder Meeting does not go as planned and Song Pil Jung gets arrested.

God I love the look on Geum Ja’s face.  It screams “is this guy still talking to me?”

Can I just say, I love how utterly brutal Geum Ja is in her rejection of Kevin Jung.  Woof, ouch.  If I ever heard that from someone I liked, I would be so devastated and embarrassed, I’d find a dark hole to bury myself in and lick my wounds.  But of course, Kevin, like all the other men who fall for Geum Ja, seems to be into it.  It takes a certain type of man to go for Geum Ja and apparently that type is a total masochist who likes getting rejected and their heart ripped out.  I mean, to each their own.

I like whenever they do their power couple strut.

A bro fist bump?  Really?  Hm, I never really fist bumped the guys I dated but that’s cool I guess.  They’re going in to destroy Song Pil Jung so I guess a fist bump is appropriate.

Hm, I don’t know.  It seems like you’re the one who got arrested.

Bro.  Mister.�� Are you for real?  Did you forget all the shitty things you did to her?

Yeah, that’s kind of a big deal I think.

SO. SATISFYING.  Whew honey, this exchange gave me life.  My skin has cleared, my bank account is full, and I’ve lost 5 pounds.

Yessss I am all for this nerdy JJH in glasses and turtleneck sipping on expensive instant coffee aesthetic. 

The couple that taunts together, stays together?

Hahahahaha, Hee Jae talking about being professional at work? Hahahahha.

I live for jealous Hee Jae because he’s extra ridiculous whenever he’s jealous.  In this scene he’s getting jealous over Ju-Ho calling Geuma Ja “noona” and it’s like come on, they’re foster siblings.  Let him call her noona.  Side note, Netflix translates “noona” into Eun-Young, Geum Ja’s real name, and it irks me.  Couldn’t they have just translated it into “sis” instead?

Now we’re around the 55 minute mark and I’m thinking, okay this is probably where it’s going to end.  This is when it’s going to happen.  They don’t have that much time left in the episode.  All right, give me us all that we’ve been waiting for.

(Good looking main stays looking good.)

You can’t ever accuse Hee Jae of not being committed to Geum Ja.

We finally get an explanation for why Geum Ja always stared at that huge building

Haha, can you expect anything less from her character?  At this point, I’m looking at the remaining time and thinking, ok then, when’s that kiss gonna happen?

SHRIEKS WHAT ARE THOSE HIDEOUS THINGS ON HIS FEET?!  On another note, I’m sure Kim Hye Soo must be so glad she doesn’t have to wear those gigantic heels anymore.

Omg, ok, this is it.  We’re getting shots of beautiful sexy people strutting and being playful with each other.  They’re setting up for a romantic ending kiss.  Ok, time to prepare myself.

Yes, put your arms around each other.  We’re getting closer now.

Oh, ok.  I guess this will be a far away in the distance kind of kiss.  That’s ok, too I guess.

Oh, wait.  Never mind.  Looks like we’re going to get a frontal view of the ending kiss after all.  Even better!

What?  That’s it?  What?  Did I miss something?  This can’t be.

Oh whew.  An epilogue.  Ok, this is when it’s going to happen.

Hahaha, they’re totally using the vloggers to advertise for their law firm.  I love how Hee Jae has loosened up on what he thinks a proper lawyer should act like and it’s reflected in his more flamboyant wardrobe choices.

These damn fist bumps again.  All the time spent fist bumping could have been spent hugging and kissing.  Priorities, people!

Hah, like hell Hee Jae would ever leave Geum Ja.

Haha knew it.  Boy is more whipped than whipped cream.

This pretty much sums up their dynamic.  SIGH I’m not going to get my kiss am I.

Oh no.  That caption can only mean one thing.

Yeeep.  That’s it.  This is the end.  Finito.  

Well.  All right then.  You know, the first time I watched this episode, I felt very disappointed that there was no final kiss.  I mean the last time we saw them kissing was in episode 8 at the midpoint of the drama.  This drama was clearly a rom com/screwball comedy so it only seemed fitting that there would be one last kiss scene.  That’s how you end a romantic drama!  But alas.

Actually, upon re-watching and re-capping this episode, I realized that even though we did not get any kiss scene, the writers still gave us plenty of sweet moments between Hee Jae and Geum Ja.  We got to see their lovely progression into becoming partners who supported and trusted each other so that was nice.  Even though they’re clearly together now, it’s nice to see that they still have their playful bickering dynamic.  So objectively, it was a nice ending.  I just personally wanted more smooches.

If you made it through this entire post, thank you for expending so much time reading my ramblings and congratultaions on having so much patience!

[sedge-and-sanctuary]

Sanctuary Pack Stories: The Hunt [Part Two]

Part two of the story of my pack’s first winter! Last time, hunter Hoot brought adolescents Grackle, Rime, and Dace out into a storm, hoping to find something to feed the hungry pack. In the blizzard, Rime was separated from the others.

Part One Here

-----

“What?” Dace stares at Hoot, uncomprehending. 

Hoot’s head is ducked low-- not just against the wind. She doesn’t say anything. Even Grackle shuts her mouth, for once.

“We can’t just leave her!” Dace is aware, distantly, that her hackles are up all along her back, that her tail’s raised and bristling; no way she’d ever get away with this, with any of the adults, any other second of her life. 

“Listen,” Hoot growls. “You think I want to leave the leader’s pup out here? Trust me, kid--”

But she doesn't finish the sentence. Looks down at her paws in the snow.

Dace shakes her head. “We have to try!”

“We did try,” Grackle says, barely audible above the howling wind. “With the weather, it's unlikely we could--”

Dace glares at her, a growl building in her throat. Grackle shuts up.

“Listen,” Hoot says again, more gently. “Grackle’s right. We had our best shot finding her when she first wandered off. By now...”

“She didn't wander off.”

“When she first… got lost, then.” 

The snow is falling thick and fast. It settles, heavy, onto Dace’s Back.

Hoot shakes her head. “And with the storm getting worse-- I’m sorry. But we don't have a chance.”

Dace always thought those little game-birds were stupid. The ones that see you coming and then go totally still until you're close enough to get a bite-- she gets it, now.

There's this horrible weight in her, growing, that could pin her down here in the woods forever. She can't move. She can't think what to say. 

“But--” 

She wonders how she isn't sinking down straight through the snow, this heaviness--

“Come on.” Hoot nudges her in the shoulder. “The pack can't afford to lose you right now.”

Dace flinches away from her, fur bristling.

Hoot backs off- barely- and presses on: “We need all of our hunters, Dace-- without us, the pack...”

“I know, okay?” Dace looks up at her; right in the eye. Hoot has the grace to look away. “I know! We'd all starve, and die, and-- bears would eat us, or whatever else! I know!! But--”

But the blizzard is the worst she's seen all winter. Is bad enough to force them back, without any prey, with the pack so hungry. Is driving ice under Dace’s thick, winter pelt, is making frost form on her whiskers. 

Is eating the Crooked Wood whole, like some ravenous animal, and Rime is out there--

She shakes herself all over, shedding snow. “I know,” she says, again. “Just-- shut up.”

Hoot opens her mouth-- shuts it. Nods.

She leads the way back to camp in silence. Grackle- after a nervous, sideways look at Dace- follows.

And Dace stands there, shivering, in a snow-drift up to her shoulders. 

And then, hating it, goes after them.

-----

Rime keeps thinking she smells the others. The wind will howl, and then stop, and then pick up, and slow down again, without any pattern. Sometimes, she swears she can smell Dace, or Hoot, carried along with the wind. 

She's starting to feel… well, okay, not scared, alright? She's lived in these woods since she was born, she's not lost, but--

She sniffs at a patch of disturbed snow. A track?

But-- no. At least, it doesn't smell like anything. Well. Anything except more snow. 

The wind howls-- but there’s another sound above it. Something moves in the trees-- a dark shape. Another wolf?

Rime leaps up, scattering snow, her heart hammering--

And a dark, drab little sparrow flies off, the branch it was perched on rattling in its wake.

Rime huffs. Stupid bird.

She turns around, trying to force her hackles to smooth. Watches her paws, for a while, trudging through the deep snow, her fur all crusted with ice and glittering, in the moonlight. She isn't scared- she definitely, absolutely isn't scared- but she is tired.

That leap after the sparrow seemed to cost more energy than it should've; her legs want to fold up, under her. Maybe she should just lie down, and wait for the others to find her? Dace would have noticed her missing by now.

A snowflake lands on her nose; she sneezes, looks up--

And there is a strange, enormous thing standing in her way, black against the blowing white of the storm. Not a sparrow, this time. Bigger. Way bigger.

Rime flattens herself down into a crouch; maybe it won't see her against the snow? Her fur is pale enough--

She can’t fight it; a monster like Rover says live out east, with horns and teeth and--

The Thing steps closer.

Oh. It's a deer. 

An enormous deer, to be fair, a buck, with antlers like big, heavy branches, the tines sharp as cougar-claws. He trudges on through the snow- he doesn't see her. Rime takes a deep breath, steadying herself; and smells him.

Instantly, her mouth floods with drool. He's healthy, he’s meat, hot blood and thick fat-- her stomach growls.

The buck straightens; he’d heard that, his huge rack of antlers swinging up with his head, points glittering as he looks around--

Rime leaps at him, desperate, and he snorts, ducks his head, and charges straight-on, trying to ram her.

Rime twists in the air-- the antlers just miss her! She woofs a brief, involuntary laugh at her narrow escape-- and his shoulder gets her square in the gut.

Rimes goes flying into the trees-- a heavy, bruising impact. She scrambles for her footing and goes down again, gasping, all the wind knocked out of her.

The buck flees, breaking branches and crashing through underbrush, his brute strength making easy work of the deep snow.

Rime watches his tail disappear into the blizzard and slumps down, bruised and tired, her mouth still watering.

[feistypaants-archived]

False Positive [Chapter 4]

Rating: M Words: 2161 Pairing: Kristanna Summary: When things don’t go according to plan and Anna finds herself alone and pregnant, she looks to her sister’s best friend, Kristoff, and almost makes a huge mistake.

[Chapter Index]

Where To Read: [AO3]

Notes: woof. This one fought me. Thanks to @karis-the-fangirl, @kristanna, and @frozenwritingcorner for being Angels Sent From Above and listening to me cry about this chapter for days gjdsgnksjg. I think it turned out all right though. Maybe. Anyway.

Enjoy!

The sun was shining brightly in her eyes, and Anna was just a little more than pissed off. There was a reason she bought those light blocking curtains, and what a waste of money they were. Her eyes opened blearily as she took in her surroundings. This… was not her room. Right.

Strong arms were still wrapped around her, but she had turned over in her sleep and buried her face into his neck, his chin resting on the top of her cheek. Anna took a deep breath, enjoying the musky scent that was so very deeply Kristoff before failing to hold back a yawn. 

He stirred above her and, in his half sleepy daze, nuzzled his nose against her face as his arms tightened to pull her closer. 

“G’morning,” she murmured, smiling against his skin. 

But as soon as he was fully alert, he was pulling away from her, cheeks red and body tense. “Ah…” he let go of her, and Anna blinked rapidly at the loss of warmth. “Sorry.” He sat up fully, running his hair between his fingers as he looked anywhere but at her.

“...It’s okay.” Anna bit her lip before rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. “Felt nice.”

Kristoff laughed, his shoulders surging forward. If he was being honest, he was just glad they were both still fully dressed. There were more than one occurrences of him waking up with her pressed flush against him and having to adjust himself in more ways than he was willing to admit. Thank god she was a heavy sleeper.

It wasn’t like him to do things like that. To throw caution to the wind, and risk making things with someone important to him complicated. In fact, he liked things to be as simple as possible. Which is why he hooked up with strange girls who were visiting from out of town and he knew he’d never see again. The number of them had lessened as he got older, but he was safe and they were simple and the idea of being vulnerable enough to be in a relationship with someone had him completely terrified.

No one knew him that well. If everything went according to his plan, no one but Sven ever would.

But when Anna, who he’d maybe had many, many dreams about since the sweet young age of fifteen - mostly innocent, mostly about chaste kisses and hand holding and getting a cat together, but had maybe occasionally gone to a filthier place once or twice when they were out of high school - showed up looking like that and batting her eyelashes at someone who wasn’t him, he may have totally lost it. 

He risked a glance back at her, scrolling through her phone and still absentmindedly running a hand over the stuffie, and pressed his lips together firmly. He didn’t think he had feelings for her - not romantic ones, anyway - so he knew sleeping with her would have just made things far too complicated. And if he did ever cross that line… 

Maybe he wanted it to mean something.

Besides, he knew her too well. Knew she’d be crawling back to Hans the second he gave her an opening. And then she’d be broken again, because guys like Hans take the best people they can find and beat them senseless until they don’t know any life but the one where they’re dependent on him.

Kristoff sighed and laid back down, placing his head on her stomach. He felt his heart clench as she moved her fingers to his hair and ran them through, gently untangling any knots she came across. “Sorry,” he mumbled, reaching up to pat her knee before dropping his hand onto his own stomach. 

“For what?” Her head was clearly far away, and Kristoff tried his best to not feel hurt. 

“Last night.”

“Don’t be. It was probably for the best.”

He glanced up at her as she dropped her phone down to her chest to smile at him. 

“All right.”

She patted his head a couple times before returning her attention to her phone. Kristoff was comfortable and didn’t want to move, but he also kind of wanted her attention.

“What are you looking at?”

Anna’s nails were scratching his scalp, a comfort amongst the tension he felt.

“Just instagram. Look how cute this family is!” She handed him her phone and he couldn’t help but smile. They were cute. He nodded and hummed an agreement before handing back the phone. Anna seemed to hesitate for a moment before speaking slowly. “Do you want to be a dad?”

Kristoff’s throat dried up. “A dad?” He squeaked out, trying to cough and ease the tightness. He thought someday he’d like a family, but he thought maybe he should find a person he trusted enough to have a family with first. “I mean… yeah? Eventually?” Why was she asking this in the first place?

“Would you…” her voice was low and slow, as if she was trying her best to think about what she was going to say. “Ever date someone who already had a kid?” 

His heart was beating faster and he could feel his forehead breaking out into a light sweat. This conversation was going very much into Complicated Territory, and he let out a little laugh. “I mean, sure. If I liked them enough.”

“...Okay.”

He almost let out a sigh of relief as the conversation seemed to be ending, but Anna’s hand had completely stilled in his hair and she wasn’t one to just let a conversation end without a resolution. “Why?” He started, turning his head to look at her, planning on cracking some joke before he noticed the tears welling up in her eyes. 

“Whoa, whoa,” he started, sitting up and moving up the bed. “What’s wrong?”

She sniffled and wiped at her eyes, some leftover makeup smearing across her cheek. “I’m…” 

Oh god.

“So I’m pregnant. And I just…”

Oh no.

“I’m scared no one’s ever going to -“

Kristoff’s face had gone completely pale, and Anna stopped mid sentence to squint at him through her teary vision. “Are you okay? It’s not like it’s yours.”

He forced out a laugh and ran a hand down his face. “Right, of course. It’s… Hans’?”

“Of course it is!” Her eyebrows lowered in offense, as if he thought she was just sleeping with anyone who looked at her. Well, she supposed that could be a fair assumption after... “Thanks for the faith in me.”

His hands shot up in mock surrender, and he shrugged. “Look, sorry. Just after last night…” 

Anna had pulled the troll stuffie closer to her chest again, propping her chin up on top of its’ head. “... I wasn’t going to go home with that guy, okay? I wasn’t going to go home with just anyone. Why do you think I came to your bar?”

His breath quickened and his eyes locked onto her flushed face. She risked one glance up at him and the red in her cheeks deepened. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

A heavy silence fell between them. Kristoff could see how upset she was, and he tried to push down his shock as he moved to sit next to her and wrap one arm around her shoulders. “Okay…” There was a long beat where neither of them really knew what to say. So she was pregnant, and Hans broke up with her … Something quickly occurred to him. “Does Hans know?”

Anna nodded and his frown deepened. 

“Is that why…”

“Yeah.”

“Ouch.”

Kristoff hugged her a little closer, pressing his cheek to her head. He knew Hans was a terrible guy, but to leave your pregnant girlfriend? That’s beyond scummy. Especially since they had been together for years at this point. What a classy guy. Damn. 

“Have you told Elsa?”

“God, no,” Anna laughed, sniffing and wiping at her face. “She’ll kick me out.”

“No she…” Kristoff paused and cringed a little before nodding against her hair. “Okay, she does hate him. But she loves you more.”

A scoff escaped Anna’s throat and she tried to look up at him. “Sure.”

They both knew Elsa could be a bit fickle and more than a little bit selfish at times, but she always meant well, and always tried her best to make sure her sister was well taken care of. But that didn’t necessarily mean she wouldn’t get angry enough to do something drastic. It wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before.

“So…” he shrugged, squeezing her arm. “What’s the plan?”

“Well my original plan turned out to be… the worst. So.” Anna sighed, biting her lower lip. “I guess it’s time to come up with something new.”

Kristoff let out a chuckle, shaking her shoulder. “Wait, original plan? What was that? Not get pregnant? Or find someone who wasn’t a total scumbag?”

Anna’s whole body tensed under his arm as a very forced and uncomfortable laugh ripped from her throat. “Yeah, hah, I should have done that, right? Maybe I should have slept with you instead.”

She sounded weird, as if she were hiding something, or possibly revealing a half-truth. Kristoff slowly removed his arm from her shoulders and turned to look at her head on. That was when he finally noticed the shame written all over her face. She wouldn’t have…

 “Did you… Were you trying to… with me? Is that why you came last night? Were you trying to...” His eyebrows furrowed, unsure of what exactly he was feeling. She wouldn’t have tried to trick him, would she? Anna wasn’t like that. Anna… not Anna.

Her jaw dropped, words stuck in her throat. “No, I… no. Listen.” She fisted her hands in the sheets before tears started brimming her eyelashes, but it seemed she was determined not to let them fall. 

Fuck.

“I just thought maybe if… if it was you… or at least everyone thought it was you…”

Kristoff pressed shaking fingers into his forehead, sliding just a little further away from her. “Oh, god. Anna, come on…” 

“Listen, please,” she was sitting up higher, shifting to her knees and wrapping her hands around his wrists. “Please don’t be mad. It was a dumb idea that I wasn’t going to go through with, and just…”

He pulled his hands away from hers and shook his head, as if he was trying to pretend this conversation wasn’t happening.

“I thought Elsa wouldn’t hate me if she thought it was yours and, and listen, please,” she was trying so desperately to make him just look at her, to just see how sorry she was. All he could see was red. “I can’t do this alone.” Tears were falling freely now. “I can’t, I can’t.”

Not Anna. He couldn’t believe this. He wouldn’t… 

“You gotta go, okay?” He was standing now, moving down the hall. Anna scrambled after him, legs tangling in the blankets as she reached out for him, desperate for him to give her just a moment to explain. He stopped and turned on her quickly, holding up his hands to stop her from touching him. “Please go.”

“Kristoff, please.” She had finally escaped the bed, fingers tugging on her hair as she always did when she was nervous or upset. “I was even thinking maybe we could do this together. We could just pretend — Kristoff just listen, please—“

“You could have just talked to me, Anna!”

He had never raised his voice at her before. Not once. And even though this was more stern talking than actual yelling, Anna felt herself wince. She shrunk back, nodding. “I know.”

“What if I hadn’t stopped it? What if we had hooked up last night. Would you be telling me that I knocked you up in a couple weeks?” 

“No, god, I know it’s dumb now… I wouldn’t—“

“Are you sure?”

She felt a surge of confidence and took another step towards him. “Yes.”

Kristoff’s jaw clenched, unsure if he really believed her, and he pulled his jacket off of the hook before kicking her shoes out of the way. “Go home.”

“Please don’t make me.” Her voice was small but certain, and Kristoff felt just a tiny bit of his anger lessen. “I want to talk about this. I want to fix this. And I can’t face Elsa yet. I can’t. She’s going to be so mad…”

Pressing the heels of his palm into his eyes, Kristoff groaned. “Fine.” He cracked his neck with frustration and took a few steps forward. “I’m going to take Sven on a very long walk. We’ll talk about it when I get back.”

Anna stared at him with disbelief before sighing with relief and letting the smallest of smiles touch her lips. “Thank you.” She was practically crying again.

“Okay.”

Kristoff continued down the hall, grabbing his shoes and Sven’s harness before whistling at the pup and closing the door a little harder than necessary behind him.

[splendidlyimperfect]

**I know this was supposed to be for Christmas but hey, at least I finally finished it!**

When a taxi refuses to take Sting to the airport because they won't accept his service dog, a charming stranger named Rogue offers to drive him instead. The act of kindness gets Sting home to his brother Natsu and the rest of his family in time for Christmas, but Sting can't help hoping that he'll run into Rogue again.

Chapter Summary: Sting, Rogue, Natsu and Gray play 'Never Have I Ever.'

Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: Fairy Tail Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Family Fluff, Home for Christmas, Meet-Cute, Airports, Blind Character, Disabled Character, Fluff, seriously just lots of fluff, Sting and Natsu are brothers, and are total shits to each other, Power Outage, Drinking, Drinking Games, Never Have I Ever, Truth or Dare, Kissing, First Kiss, Literal Sleeping Together, Making Out

-----

“I can’t believe your parents have tequila.”

Natsu’s voice came from somewhere to Sting’s left, where he was curled up on the basement sofa. They had pushed both couches together, as close to the fireplace as possible, and Sting could just feel the heat from Rogue’s body where he was sitting next to – but not quite touching – Sting.

“It was a gift,” Gray said, dropping a pile of blankets onto Sting’s lap. “My aunt and uncle brought it back from Mexico.”

“Wasn’t that like… eight years ago?” Natsu asked.

“Mm.”

“So, what I’m hearing is that they won’t miss it if we drink it all.”

Continue reading on AO3

“You’re going to drink an entire bottle of tequila?” Sting asked, reaching out with his foot and trying to kick Natsu on the other sofa. He didn’t quite connect, but the shift brought him close enough that his knee rested against Rogue’s.

“No,” Natsu corrected, “we are going to drink an entire bottle of tequila.”

Sting snorted. “Last time you drank tequila, you go mugged by a fox.”

“A fox?” Rogue sounded curious.

“A literal fox,” Sting explained, laughing at the indignant sound Natsu made. “We were heading home through the park and he told me he wanted to pet this dog, but it ended up being a fox.”

“It looked like a dog,” Natsu insisted.

“Mhmm. It came up close enough to grab his bag off the back of the wheelchair and take off through the park.”

Rogue’s laugh was warm and rich, and it made Sting want to curl up against him. “Well,” Rogue said, “at least you got a good story out of it.”

“Oh, Natsu has lots of good stories,” Sting said, tossing a pillow in Natsu’s general direction. He was satisfied when it hit Natsu and he made a surprised sound. “He’s kind of an idiot.”

“Look,” Natsu started.

“Can’t,” Sting replied, and it took a second for Rogue to get it and start to laugh again.

“You’re the worst,” Natsu grumbled, and Sting could hear the lid being unscrewed from what he assumed was the bottle of tequila. “As if you’ve never done something stupid.” Lector, who was curled up on the couch next to Sting, gave a soft woof. “See, Lector agrees with me.”

“Now I’m curious,” Rogue said. “We do have all night to tell embarrassing stories.”

“That hardly seems fair,” Gray commented. “None of us know anything embarrassing about you.”

“Let’s find out then,” Natsu said. “Never have I ever!” Sting groaned, but when a shot glass was pressed into his hand, he didn’t argue.

“I need you to make sure the two of them are drinking when they should be,” Sting said to Rogue. “Natsu likes to cheat.”

“I do not,” Natsu said indignantly. “I, unlike you, can hold my liquor.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Sting muttered. When he felt a warm hand brush against his fingers he jumped, then realized it was just Rogue letting him know he was filling the shot glass.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” Sting swallowed, hoping his cheeks weren’t pink. “Just surprised me, that’s all.”

Rogue left his hand against Sting’s for a moment longer, then leaned across him to hand what Sting assumed was the tequila bottle to Gray. This close, Sting could smell Rogue’s shampoo – it smelled like apples.

“All right,” Natsu said when everyone had their tequila. “Never have I ever broken my toe walking into a wall.”  

“First of all,” Sting said, gesturing at Natsu with his glass, “Fuck you, I’m blind. Second of all, it was one hundred percent your fault and you know it.” He tossed the shot back and made a face, then held the glass out for Gray to refill.

“It was only partially my fault,” Natsu insisted. “Forty percent, at most. The rest of the blame goes to Lector.”

“He was a puppy,” Sting insisted, scratching behind Lector’s ears. Rogue laughed beside him and something warm settled in Sting’s stomach. “Fine,” Sting said, gesturing in Natsu’s direction. “Never have I ever tried to go through a drive-thru when I wasn’t in a vehicle.”

“Okay,” Natsu said, “in my defense, I was drunk, the sign said ‘no walk up service,’ and I was not walking.”

“I felt awful for the cashier,” Sting said. He tipped his head toward Rogue. “When she told him ‘no walk ups’ he told her it was discrimination, and she ended up giving him free chicken nuggets.”

“You weren’t complaining when you ate half of them,” Natsu insisted. “Also, Rogue drank too.”

Sting raised an eyebrow and reached out for Rogue’s hand, tapping the shot glass to make sure Natsu wasn’t lying. He could hear a quiet hitch in Rogue’s breath when Sting’s fingers brushed the inside of his wrist, and when he didn’t pull back, Sting let the touch linger.  

“I was, um… on a skateboard,” Rogue admitted. Once Sting had verified the glass was empty, Rogue held it out to Gray for a refill. He shifted his other hand onto Sting’s knee, and the warm sensation turned into a thrill that ran up Sting’s arm into his chest.

“You know how to skateboard?” Gray asked.

Rogue sighed. “I was kind of a, uh… skater-slash-emo kid in high school,” he admitted.

Natsu burst out laughing. “I guess it’s not too hard to picture that. You’ve definitely got the hair for it. It’s black and pretty long.” The last statement was directed at Sting, who had already reached out to touch Rogue’s hair without thinking. Instead of pulling away, Rogue leaned into Sting’s hand, letting him run his fingers along to the back of his head where it was tied up in a ponytail.

“It’s, uh…” The words stuck in Sting’s throat and he swallowed hard. “Soft. And nice.” He quickly withdrew his hand, but Rogue didn’t pull away. Instead he ran his thumb across Sting’s knee and mumbled, “Thanks.”

“All right,” Gray interrupted, and Sting breathed a sigh of relief. “Natsu already went, so it’s Rogue’s turn now.”

“Oh.” Rogue shifted next to Sting until they were pressed together, knee to hip, then said, “Never have I ever been arrested in a foreign country.”

Sting could hear Gray’s sigh as he tossed back his shot and muttered, “It was a misunderstanding and you know it.”

“You got arrested?” Sting asked incredulously. Gray was the kind of person who would find five dollars on the ground and spend three hours looking for the person who dropped it. “This is a story I have to hear.”

~

Two hours later, Sting was comfortably drunk, and they had switched to ‘Truth or Dare.’ Gray had argued that they weren’t in high school, but Natsu had teased him about being too chicken to play and he had acquiesced.

“What,” Natsu said to Sting, giggling, “was the worst sex you ever had?”

Sting groaned, tipping his head back against Rogue’s arm that was draped lazily across his shoulders. He’d removed his sweater at some point and Rogue’s fingers brushed against his bare arm now, tracing lazy circles on the skin of his bicep.

“You’re an asshole,” Sting said to Natsu.

“It was Lisa, wasn’t it?” Natsu snickered.

“Yes,” Sting grumbled. “We were both sixteen and the only reason she wanted to sleep with me was because she was self-conscious, and I couldn’t see her.” Rogue snorted. “She was terrible!” Sting added, waving the hand that wasn’t holding his shot glass for emphasis. “Just like… laid there. Like a… a fish.”

“A fish?” Rogue asked, laughing.

Sting frowned. “No, a…” He shook his head, gesturing vaguely. “I can’t do the words. ‘m a bit drunk.”

“Just a bit?” Gray asked. Sting stuck out his tongue in Gray’s direction. “Nice one. Okay, whose turn is it?”

“Yours,” Natsu said.

“No, I took off my pants. It’s Rogue’s turn. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

Sting sighed and was about to tell Natsu that he wasn’t allowed to dare anyone else to eat hot sauce when Gray said, “I dare you to kiss Sting.”

Sting’s cheeks immediately flushed hot and he felt Rogue tense against him. The gentle touch against his arm stopped and the contented sensation in Sting’s stomach quickly turned to an anxious mess.

“You don’t have—”

“Can I?” Rogue shifted on the couch until he was facing Sting, moving the hand from Sting’s arm to tentatively touch the back of his neck.

“You…” Sting’s mouth went dry and he hoped nobody could hear his heart pounding when Rogue moved closer. “Um. Yes. Very much yes.”  

Rogue’s fingers slid into Sting’s hair, hand trembling as he murmured, “Good.” Then he pulled Sting closer and kissed him.

Oh, Sting thought as his heart stuttered and skipped a few beats. He quickly returned the kiss, leaning into Rogue and bringing a hand up to touch his cheek. Rogue made a soft sound against Sting’s lips that sent sparks straight to his stomach and Sting kissed back harder, tipping Rogue’s chin up with gentle fingers.

After a second, they both pulled back and Rogue pressed his forehead against Sting’s, letting out a quiet sigh. Sting moved his hand down to Rogue’s neck, enjoying the way Rogue’s heartbeat fluttered under his fingertips.  

“And with that,” Natsu said, voice only slightly teasing, “I think it’s time for bed.”

~

As soon as Natsu and Gray were upstairs, Rogue’s hand made its way back into Sting’s. “You okay?” he asked.

Sting swallowed, sliding their fingers together and nodding. “I—yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

A gentle silence hung between them for a moment and then Rogue asked, “Can I…”

Sting couldn’t help the smile that crept across his face as he answered Rogue’s fragmented question with a kiss. Rogue sighed happily against him, this time bringing both hands up to run through Sting’s curls as he quickly deepened the kiss. Sting opened up to him, tasting the tequila on Rogue’s lips.

“C’mere,” Rogue murmured, pushing himself back against the couch and nudging Sting’s hip. Sting quickly shifted onto Rogue’s lap, legs on either side of his thighs, and when Rogue’s lips pressed against his neck, he let out a quiet sigh.

“You’re gorgeous,” Rogue murmured against Sting’s skin, nipping at his earlobe and sliding his hands down and under Sting’s shirt.

“’m gonna take Natsu’s word on you being good looking,” Sting said, laughing. “He keeps telling me he has good taste, and I think this time he’s right.” Rogue smiled against his skin, pulling him closer and continuing to kiss across his neck and down his shoulder.

“C’mere,” Sting murmured, tipping Rogue’s chin up. He ran his hands over Rogue’s collarbone, up his neck and across his face. Rogue sat still as Sting traced his features with gentle fingertips – high cheekbones, soft eyelashes, a dimple in his cheek. “You’ve got a scar here,” Sting said when he felt the uneven skin across the bridge of Rogue’s nose.

“Mm.” Rogue leaned into Sting’s touch. “The unfortunate side effect of skateboarding is falling on your face occasionally.” He brought his hand up to Sting’s face and ran his finger along Sting’s eyebrow. “You’ve got one here.”

Sting laughed. “The unfortunate side effect of being blind and having a brother who is kind of an asshole,” he said, “is that you occasionally fall into swimming pools.”

Rogue leaned up and gently pressed a kiss to the scar, then rubbed their noses together. “Better?”

“Better.” Sting giggled, tipping his head forward and resting it on Rogue’s shoulder. “I think I’m kinda drunk.”

Rogue laughed, kissing Sting’s temple and wrapping both arms around him. “Me too,” he said, then yawned suddenly. “Mm. I wanna keep kissing you but I’m gonna fall asleep.”

“Same,” Sting said, nuzzling Rogue’s cheek. “Sleep with me?” Before Rogue could answer he added, “I mean—not like that, actually sleep, I’m too drunk to…”

“I know,” Rogue said, smiling as he kissed the corner of Sting’s mouth. “And yes.”

~

Sting woke up to the familiar weight of Lector across his legs, and a warm body pressed against his chest. Rogue. A smile crept across Sting’s face as he nuzzled the back of Rogue’s neck and kissed it.

“Mornin’,” Rogue mumbled, stirring under Sting’s arm. He yawned, stretching and turning to face Sting. “You sleep okay?”

“Mm.” Sting shivered at the feeling of gentle fingertips drawing patterns across his stomach, exhaling shakily when a soft kiss was placed on his neck. Rogue hummed against Sting’s skin, thumb rubbing circles over his hipbone.

“Is the power back on?” Sting asked as Rogue trailed kisses across his neck to the hollow of his throat.  

“Mhmm.” Rogue’s hand drifted up Sting’s side, brushing along his bare skin and shifting against him until they were pressed chest to chest. “’s still early though.”

Sting exhaled, pulling Rogue closer to him and grinning when he felt Rogue hard against his thigh. “You don’t seem very sleepy,” he murmured, slipping his leg between Rogue’s and pressing forward. Rogue exhaled shakily and shook his head.

“’m not,” he said, rolling his hips and bringing one hand down to the waist of Sting’s sweatpants.

“Good,” Sting said, nudging Rogue’s hand further down. “’cause I really like you, and I want you to touch me.”

Rogue’s fingers trailed across Sting’s sweatpants and Sting could hear the smile in his voice. “I think I can do that,” he said as Sting ran gentle fingers through his hair and pulled him back in for a kiss. “And I really like you, too.”

[ziracona]

How many people were tested just for others anyway? Gordon's wife and daughter, Daniel (the wiki says it was also for shoplifting but he was 16 so I call bs), literally everyone except Lynn and her husband in Saw III, and my memory past 3 is fuzzy but that one lying author's wife comes straight to mind. They weren't being tested for whatever John pretended his survival of the fittest policy was they were terrorized tortured and/or killed for basically nothing but the pain of the target.

Anon you’re so valid TuT 

ITS TRUE AND WE SHOULD ALL SAY IT!!! Also, I wrote this little part last, bc I just wanted to give fair warning that I went blind into a rage and wrote threethousand words about how much I hate John Kramer, full of very terrible language and spoilers for Saw 1-6, because I go that fucking feral at the sound of his name, and I can’t make everyone scroll past that so I’m putting most of it under the cut, but even if you decide you justifiably fear that rant and don’t read it, just know you are incredibly valid, and John can eat shit and die. Rant start:

John did that bullshit constantly! He would over and over put 1 (one) man he personally wanted to watch suffer on trial and sacrifice /scores/ of people for no reason. No trap, no way to escape, at someone else’s mercy completely or maybe with 0 chance even there bc JOHN KRAMER IS A SACK OF SHIT. 

He kills a house full of drug addicts in two, mostly just bc his wife worked w drug addicts and John hates drug addicts, and even though Amanda was in their literal exact same position she does jack shit to stop him and just watches people slowly have their organs deteriorate and start coughing up blood around her!! Including fucking Daniel! Who got an antidote but like, at the 11th hour. Do y’all even understand how biology works John and CO??? If you neutralize a poison after it has deteriorated parts of organs it might save your life but itS NOT A FUCKING HEALTH POTION. Poor Daniel Matthews probably will only live to be like forty tops if he’s super lucky because of that. And he did NOTHING!!! He had shoplifted bc he was going through a teen phase but he’s like sixteen! Everyone was dumb as shit as a teenager, and most people shoplift at some point in their life! It does not earn you slow deterioration of your organs! Poor kid not only watched a man burned to death in an oven, dude have his brains blown out, girl die of prolonged organ failure, and more shit, he himself /killed/ a man as a sixteen year old child to save Amanda Young because he’s got a good heart and is a good person, and that shit is awful! It’s traumatic to kill someone at any age, but as a teenager? And then he got knocked out by her and thrown in a tiny locked safe, tied up and gagged, and kept alive by an oxygen tank in an enclosed space after that massive trauma for or AT LEAST 24 HOURS ! He did NOTHING. It was all just a long-con sacrifice to get Eric Matthews to a specific location. Eric did some real shit, but god, even after everything Daniel did for Amanda and all John’s talk of innocents, neither of them ever even tell Eric he lived! Amanda just locks him up, fights, beats him to she thinks death, and then John keeps him locked up and isolated in a cell for months, only to make him choke himself slowly in a test he doesn’t actually get to participate in to keep a friend from being electrocuted. It’s all kinds of fucked.

Even Jeff did nothing worse than be depressed and obsessive and unavailable to his kid, all Lynn did was have a boyfriend after she and he separated (and tbh the only reason John took her was bc he wanted a doctor and hated her for being one of the docs who told him he had cancer bc John is a pettyass hypocritical stupid sack of shit!) I’m VIBRATING with hatred. Lynn was just a pawn in Amanda’s test! It never mattered if she kept John alive! It only mattered if Amanda decided to fucking shoot her!!! She did her task and died and JOHN KNEW THERE WAS A HIGH PROBABILITY AMANDA WOULD KILL HER AND DID NOTHING TO STOP IT BC JOHN CARES ABOUT NO ONE BUT HIMSELF THE FUCKING WORTHLESS LITTLE WORM. 

And the other victims in 3 are a poor college student who ran over someone on accident and feels massive guilt already and served jail time for it who gets his fucking limbs and then head all twisted off while begging for his life because JOHN KRAMER IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND SO IS JEFF TBH. BUT NOT AS BIG OF ONE. The poor girl who is stung up naked in a freezer and sprayed repeatedly with water till she is encased in ice and dead literally just saw the hit and run and ran away bc she was scared!!! Not to mention Jeff’s other kid who gets kidnapped and locked up as collateral! Even if she’s not hurt that’s FUCKING TRAUMATIZING FOR A YOUNG CHILD. And Allison Kerry did nothing wrong! Amanda kills her in the Angel trap literally just bc she’s investigating them! When he targets a detective John’s always like “Ho ho he, I am putting you on trial bc you are obsessed with your work”  LIKE, BITCH NO SHE FUCKIN AINT SHE DOIN HER GODDAMN JOB AND U DON”T WANT TO GET CAUGHT YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE I FUCKING HATE YOU SO MUCH THAT JUST LOOKING AT YOUR FACE CAUSES ME TO PRODUCE SO MUCH EXCESS EPINEPHRINE I COULD BOTTLE IT AND SAVE IT FOR LATER. I swear to god, if I had a grenade and I was in the room trapped with a still breathing John Kramer, I would kill pull the pin and take us both! FUCK I would pull the pin and then french kiss the grenade as thanks for letting me see that sack of shit go right to hell!

I don’t remember all of four bc it was really terrible, so I don’t have a lot of thoughts there except woof, but there was a lot of bullshit. Like John’s lawyer who did nothing but try to talk to him about finances enough it pissed John off got kidnapped, won his first game, and then got kidnapped again BC THAT SHIT HEAD SURE NEVER KEEPS EVEN HIS OWN GODDAMNED WORD and was made pawn in the game and then shot bc he didn’t have a chance to save himsefl!!! 

In Saw one, also, again, Adam was never being tested. He was just a pawn too. It was Gordon who got to decide to kill him or not, and ADAM LIVED TO SIX OR WHENEVER THE FUCK THE TIME WAS AND JOHN STILL LEFT HIM TO DIE BECAUSE HE”S A HYPOCRITICAL PIECE OF SHIT!!!! And he’s not interesting enough for Johns MASSIVE brainshlong that obviously is so full of right ideas and enlightenment you MICROPENISEDtrulyIDIOTIC self-centered human garbage!  He only took Adam at all bc he was there! He said the reason was Adam was pathetic! ADAM WAS DOING HIS BEST YOU CRUSTY ASS RED ROBED TURTLE LOOKIN MOTHERFUCKER. He was a freelance photographer in New Jersey in his early 20s during an economic collapse, and still nice enough to be taking care of stray cats you FUCKING sack of dogshit! 

And Gordon? All he did was tell John he had cancer! He was cheating on his wife too, but like, the reason John picked him was that!!! HE THOUGHT!! GORDON SOUNDED TOO COLD WHEN HE TOLD HIM HE HAD CANCER I FUCKING HATE JOHN KRAMER SO MUCH. John Kramer really will see someone smile not as big a smile as he thought they should have given him and be like: “Yo, is anyone going to corkscrew their eyeballs off?” and not even wait for an answer. I fuuuuukning hate him. And that little shitface thought it was somehow chill to order someone else to kill Gordon’s wife and eight year old child who had done JACK SHIT wrong ever if Gordon wasn’t willing to brutally murder a kid in his early 20s who had done nothing wrong????! WHAT THE FUCK. Mr. KRamer.. QUICK QUESTION. WHAT. THE. FUCK. You self-righteous, self-centered, pretentious, pettyass, sadistic motherfucking goddamn worthless excuse for anything!

In five he’s finally dead so I can : ) once. BUT HE STILL FUCKS UP SHIT FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. SO I’m STILL MAD. All the people Hoffman kills are ppl John told him to, so HE STILL MOTHERFUKIN RESPONSIBLE. In 5 it’s a bunch of people responsible kind of for deaths of people in a low-income neighborhood. One guy was paid to torch an abandoned building, and eight people died in the fire, but he didn’t know anyone was there and feels terrible. He thought it was vacant, it was just arson. Another is a journalist who found out about the arson, and didn’t break the story bc guy 1’s father bribed him. There’s a fire inspector who learned the truth and was bribed by the guy’s dad not to tell too. A city planner who was bribed into selling permits for the land. And Brit, who was the girl who paid for the arson, bc she wanted to make an apartment complex, and maybe actually knew about the 8 people and might have deserved some real payback–it’s unclear???? Regardless. I want to add that the cops had been investigating, had a strong case, and were about to arrest them and hold these people accountable in a legal manner, which John knew bc HOFFMAN WAS IN HIS POCKET, and John so hated the idea of them facing justice justice, he kidnapped them. The fire inspector got dragged into saw blades by her throat and torn apart, the journalist died to a nail bomb, and the city planner got electrocuted in a bathtub. The two who made it had their arms split down the middle up to the elbow to let enough blood out to save them.  I cannot. Just.

Anyway. In six, again at DEAD JOHN WHO WON”T QUIT FUCKING EVERYTHING UP’s request, a ‘game’ is played and William Easton (one of my fave protagonists bc he’s a piece of shit but damn if he didn’t have a real glow up in forty-five minutes) is thrown into a hell circuit. 

And so, undeservingly, is like, EVERYONE he fucking knows! His janitor Hank is first up. Target for…what was it? OHhhhhh right. He smokes. That was why. That makes so much sense john I’m sorry I doubted you PSYCH I CAN"T EVEN SAY IT AS A JOKE I JUST THREW UP A LITTLE IN MY MOUTH JOHN QUICK Q? WHAT THE FUCK? oh wait it’s because your an ABSOLUTE BASTARD. You would think I would get desensitized but no. It just. It’s fuel on the flame of my rage.

William Easton and the janitor, Hank, are hooked into something that slowly tightens and crushes their ribs any time they take a breath, and whoever doesn’t die first gets to live, and poor goddamn Hank smoked so ofc he can’t outlast a healthy dude in his 30s and John crushes his ribs just to make William watch someone die. Then he makes William pick which of two people to save in trial 2. MEANING HE GODDAMN STRAIGHT UP KIDNAPPED THESE TWO TOTALLY FINE WITH EITHER DYING, IN FACT WITH THE SOUL PURPOSE BEING TO DIE bc who cares about them right John? You fucking pretentious self-righteous creep! I have a year of the Pig teddy bear I named after Peter Strahm JUST for the FUCKING satisfaction of knowing John would hate that bc he was so into year of the motherfucking pig. ANyway. Plot again. Poor file clerk at Williams firm and the poor secretary are the two targets, and literally they did jack shit!!! They work for shitty lawyers but all they do is clock in to a 9-5 and file shit!! They are literally just there to rub it in William’s face that insurance policies aren’t fair bc according to them, one of the humans is worth more than the other bc health and age, but uuuuh oohhh William the older one with health issues is p hard to kill face to face bc you know her and she has kids and the young healthy man in his early 20s family is dead and he doesn’t have friends which means according to John he is worth less bc JOHN DOES THINK YOU CAN CHOOSE BETWEEN LIVES and all of this is here just bc John somehow thought it would be fun to fucking WIN A GODDAMN “I’M RIGHT” ARGUMENT WITH A LAWYER at the expense of brutally hanging a human being with barbed wire!!! 

Sidebar–if John Kramer was a real human being, I would go yearly on a fucking pilgrimage to his grave just to SPIT on his stupid corpse. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. 

K so young man dies. Then test 3 his attorney dies too, I don’t know much about her, except she is just there to make William feel like shit and they were into each other, and she tries to kill William after he gets hurt trying to save her bc he has the key to her trap in his stomach or chest idr, but she doesn’t get the key in time and dies, and then test 4 he finds his associates strapped to a carousel with a shotgun that picks one at random and blows off their head, and has to let all but two of them get gunned down and choose which two not to kill. And again, they’re kind of shittyass lawyers, but uh. Yeah. To save two, he has to let this huge piece of metal rip through his hand, but William does it and destroys his hand to save the two he can, and suffers picking while they all beg him to pick them bc John wanted to see him suffer picking between human lives again because he’s a goddam self-centered stuck up jerk who vales human life less then admiring his ugly ass dick in the mirror every day and pretending he’s a member of Mensa, the evil utterly irredeemable sack of shit. Anyway, at the end, William has never had a chance to live or die at all! And John was literally just torturing him for fun and killed /all/ those people not even for a test for William but /solely/ to make him suffer bc human lives DON"T MATTER ONE FUCKING IOTA to JOHN SHITASS KRAMER. WHO JUST WANTED TO WIN. AN INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENT. POST-MORTEM. BECAUSE he’s THAT kind of shittyass, pretentious, sanctimonious, better than thou, always right, incapable of wrong, smartest fucking asshole in the room man!!! I bet he doesn’t ever wash his hands when he takes a piss! I KNOW IT! FUCK John Kramer! 

ANd OH! William gets killed by a kid who hates him bc he turned down their father’s insurance policy fraudulently, knowing he would die of an illness without the money. BC William was terrible. Which is /so/ great for that fucking teenager! Killing someone horribly with acid while you watch them die and their body be melted! And they beg you not to do it and apologize on the other side of bars, already beat to shit, and plead for forgiveness, and your mom begs you not to, and the dude’s sister sobs and begs you not to!!! SO GOOD! Way to go john you FUCKING CUNT, they definitely value their lives now you goddamn motherfucking souless sack of shit!

I-I don’t even have the energy to do the other Saw movies or go back over the other victims in Saw one WHO DID NOTHING WRONG. John just hated them!!! BC HIS WIFE KNEW THEM! In most cases! John just fucking hates drug addicts! OK u know what here’s the short version even if I can’t do them justice rn bc I’m pissed!!! One guy got sliced to death on razor wire for cutting when he was depressed bc John is a piece of shit, one got burned to death after walking on glass for hours bc John doesn’t believe in invisible illnesses and if you’re walking you must be healthy, oh yeah! And the fucking dude Amanda killed in her first trial was just a drug addict! Going to a recovery clinic! He never had a chance to live on his own bc the only choice was if Amanda would cut open his intestines and sift through him for a key while he was awake but too drugged to move or not, and she did! Didn’t even get to plead for his life! ANyway!!!! Fucking as far as I can tell all Zep did was work at the goddamn hospital! He WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO BE NICE TO JOHN and told other people he was a cool dude!!! He was just a janitor!!! WHAT THE FUCK???

I just. God. I hate everything about John Kramer. The way he talks makes me so LIVID I change color like a goddamned chameleon. He is so ready to argue his stupid shitty fucking ethics with anyone who breathes in a ten mile radius. Shithead John over here will strap you to a table and make you listen to him talk about how it’s not his fault he poisoned two people and gave them one antidote and a bunch of knives and one of them came out dead, and his hands are clean and people don’t value their lives so they should die while he watches eating fucking cereal I am just–I am so glad John has cancer? Like, the idea of Saw sans John having cancer is unbearable, because I am so afraid the writers would never let him die and we would never be free of the human cancer that is John. The only human being on the planet that has ever been able to make me root for the cancer. But boy in that one and only regard, John is special.

I hate him so much it is unbelievable. Like. I can’t even put it into words. THe pure, unbridled fury I feel when I hear John say, “D’oh ho ho, but I, with these two little handies of mine, hath never pulled the gun’s trigger! Got you there! Where is your science! Where is your god! I am no murderer! I heal people! By sawing off their faces! You just do not understand, oh poor unenlightened human that you are. May you be strapped to a machete car and blessed with my wisdom  😔” I absolutely lose control of 90% of normal human functionality, and all that I have left is righteous justice and bloodlust. It’s unbelievable.

Whichever one of you god-mode-brain peeps made that post saying Eric Matthews had the hardest test in the whole Saw franchise because he had to sit and listen to John Kramer talk for two hours was a GODDAMNED HERO and if you contact me and prove the tumblr account is yours I will paypal you ten dollars and a personalized note thanking you for the joy that gave me because I just really hate John Kramer that FUCKING MUCH. I would cut off my own toes to be able to have something to shove down John Kramer’s throat to make him stop. talking.

There are a lot of things in this world I hate bc I hate things that are unjust, but I hate absolutely nothing more in the universe than a villain who is a self-righteous, hypocritical asshole who won’t even admit that what they are doing is wrong and parades as the tragic genius hero despite knowing GODDAMN well that they are a petty, shitty, hypocritical, absolute fucking MONSTER with no redeemable qualities or capacity for love. And John Kramer is at least my second least favorite character in the history of ANYTHING. Maybe my first. I’m not even sure anymore! Nasty-ass, evil, pretentious, self-righteous, shortsighted, selfish, sadistic, voyeuristic, willfully ignorant, crusty ass useless soulless garbage little SHIT.