#I feel guilty for expressing negative emotion sometimes so to just know that’s okay by a single supportive like is really something I’m

[yourbleedingh3art]

Y’all are so fucking awesome for liking my vent posts thank you you don’t know how much it means to me

[lakesparkles]

hai me again! I hope you don't mind me adding on, I'd understand if you choose not to respond, just wanted to give my thoughts-

I first want to say that I relate to the emotional overwhelm of such situations. I'm very sensitive, especially when it feels as if I've been hurtful :( I just recently I got an ask that condescendingly said I was being insensitive about some fandom things (they misunderstood my point so I clarified and it was okay) but I felt that same feeling of rejection. it's like guilt and embarrassment and makes you feel like everyone is mad at you, lol... it always takes me a few days of recovery to feel comfortable posting again

secondly, I want to say that I agree with all your points. I don't know anything about mouthwashing, but it sounds like other people are making their shallow interpretation of it your problem. opening a discussion, as you did, is not an invitation to be harassed or accused of terrible things. you didn't deserve that!

saying that evil/abusive characters can have good qualities, do good things, or be nice, is not at all excusing (or God, forbid, endorsing) their evil/abusive actions. it's actually a grounded and realistic opinion to have. the idea that all abusers are just evil monsters isn't true. in my experience, one of the most dangerous things about abusers is that they can be nice, normal, even good people. anyone is capable of abuse, even good people. even normal people. if you talk to any abuse victim about their abusers, they will say things like, "yes, they were terrible, but they were good sometimes, too, and that's what made it so hard to hate/leave them"

I have watched bojack horseman. bojack is an excellent example of a realistic abuser (if you don't mind me calling him that). because he is written to have good moments, and to have deep and complex feelings, and to be sympathetic, sometimes, too! the things he does to others I would still call abusive, but because he is so complex and multifaceted, people sympathize with him more. he's a very interesting character and, imo, the comparison between him and jimmy is justifiable (from what I know)

(sorry a lot of this is nonsense. tldr, I think you're right, and other people just have poor literacy skills)

salukes!

-🦊

Hello!!! As usual, you don't need to worry at all! I love reading your thoughts, you can always express your thoughts so well!

First things is that YES, this is exactly how it feels! :( I'm also very sensitive with negative opinions towards me. I'm aware this is something about myself that I need to change... But oh man, I wish I knew how to actually do it. I just can't, and not even therapy helped me a bit. I feel so guilty I convince myself everybody - including my friends and mutuals - will start hating me too... Part of me knows it's not true. Part of me knows that people should and will have criticism about my actions. But nothing of it makes this type of situation easier.

Thank you for thinking so, what I was hoping was that I would be able to listen to other people's opinion about both characters, which is a very interesting topic to me. I like to see how bad people are represented on games/shows/movies, even more when Bojack and Jimmy have such different character arcs and are both the protagonists.

And I do think that admitting that abusers can be good people sometimes is a truth most people don't want to admit. But, at the same time, it's something very important to talk about because the same happened to me! (Vent coming, sorry) When I decided to stop talking to my ex, I felt so guilty. Because she treated me in a terrible way but, at the same time, she had so many good moments. She was cool, funny and made me feel very comfortable. There are some conversations between us that I still remember clearly because she inspired me and changed my way to see everything.

But she was still terrible and she still hurt me in many ways, no matter what.

I also wish things were different, but they aren't.

And Bojack is such a good character to show this. I do believe he was abusive many times and being able to relate to him is what makes the show so painful to watch. The problem is that he's so much more complex than Jimmy that people forget how he traumatized many other characters. I think more people should read his crimes on the Villains Wiki to remember Bojack is not a good guy. But well

[psychicreadsgirl]

hii i came here for ur gameee, ive reblogged and liked you post :>

i'm Y, she/her, and i wanna ask what would a relationship be like between Gayle and i? i'm hoping if you would add a few lines regarding if there's hope between her and i in terms of a romantic connection :>, if not that's okay too!

she's my acquaintance, we aren't really that close but we do interact sometimes, i find her really pretty and i like her personality a lot! if everything goes well, im planning to confess if i am 100% sure i like her!

thank you for ur time and energy, blessed be. 🥰🩷

Hi!

I won't say whether there'd be hope for a romantic connection because that could influence your decision as to whether to confess to her.

If you two did get into a romantic relationship, G would be more passive and would be more evasive in terms of her emotions/affection. I think she'd have trouble expressing physical affection in public especially. She is rather shy about these things and she'd feel guilty about these things too. I get the feeling she grew up with at least 1 conservative/strict parent that can be pretty domineering? G would be pretty closed off in terms of sharing her deep thoughts/worries/secrets; she's pretty guarded. She would be more of the type to not speak/give the silent treatment when she's mad or upset. She needs time to cool down or think before resolving issues between her and a partner. She's overall the type to run away from tough conflict/confrontations, so she can sometimes seem like a pushover or just decide to agree with whatever people say? She's weaker than you in terms of personality like it's quite easy for her to break down bc of stress/pressure etc. She needs a lot of patience from her partner in a relationship like her partner can't push her to do things or push her to say things unless she's at the stage where she's comfortable. If her partner pushes her to say stuff about her deep emotions/thoughts/secrets, she'll shut down instantly and could walk away.

I think in this type of relationship you'd feel rather frustrated with G's inability to communicate her true feelings. You'd also feel some frustration with her wanting to hide this relationship from people, especially from her family. I don't think she's ready to be fully truthful with herself in terms of her sexuality(?) - I just feel she's hiding some things with respect to her feelings about love/sexuality etc.

I would say that she would be kind of shocked if you were to confess out of the blue and right now. (Not a negative type of shock or disgust but just genuinely surprised.) To make it less shocking for her, I would recommend that you at least get to know her more and talk to her more. That way you can understand where she is at emotionally (like is she even ready for love etc) and to see whether you'd really get along with her personally.

[patronsaintofelsewhere]

Hi snek of Eden, on your post about Crowley’s trauma I noticed you said that when one experiences trauma they can hold people at arms length to shield themselves and people will pull away feeding to the cycle. If it’s alright I’d like to know if there’s anything a friend could do to help them or what’s the best way to help someone who experienced something traumatic. I want to be sure I can be there for my loved ones, just in case. Thank you!

I’m not sure what your relationship is like with your friend, how old you/they are, or the extent of the trauma they experienced, nor am I an expert, so I’m not fully equipped to adequately answer this question. However, I will say that your support as their friend is valuable.

Reminding them that you’re there, that you love them, and that you’re not going anywhere, is big. Asking them what kind of support they need; whether they want to talk about it, if they need a just need a fun distraction, if they want to light something on fire (safely), if they just want someone physically there with them while they do their own thing, etc. They may not know what they need or want right now, but the fact that you’re prioritizing making them feel safe, thought of, and cared for is the point of it. In my experience, there’s nothing worse than pity or being repeatedly asked to talk about something that was actively harmful for me to talk about. If they say they don’t want to talk about it, believe them. Don’t push or prod, just show them the same love that you showed them before. Sometimes, all you want is a sense of normalcy.

If they do want to talk to you, listen and validate them without offering your opinion unless they specifically ask for it.

Here’s what offering support and validation can sound like:

I’m happy to listen if you want to talk.

I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but if you need to vent or talk I am here for you.

I know that wasn’t easy to talk about. Thank you for sharing.

What do you need from me to feel safe right now?

Thank you for trusting me with this. It must be hard to talk about.

That sounds really difficult. I can completely understand why you’d feel (emotion).

What’s the best way I can support you right now?

Would you like me to just listen, or are you looking for feedback?

What I admire about you at this moment is …

It’s normal to have some negative thoughts in this situation.

It’s probably pretty hard to be positive right now, and that’s okay.

Do you want to talk about your options?

It sucks to feel like this. Do you want to do something together today?

I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense right now.

I’m not going anywhere.

This isn’t easy and you don’t have to act like it is.

I care. Please let me know how I can help.

I’m so sorry. I don’t have words but I’m here for you, and whatever you need.

I don’t know what to say but I love you and I’m here for you and I’m with you.

Please know that however you’re feeling right now–sad, numb, guilty, tired, angry– it’s normal. There’s no right way to feel. I love you and I am so sad that you’re going through this.

You did not deserve that.

You are trying your best and that is enough.

We’ll figure this out together.

Your feelings matter to me.

I’m right here with you.

And—not to state the obvious but—do not tell anybody else what they tell you unless absolutely necessary (i.e., if they express thoughts of harming themselves). Nobody wants to feel as though their trauma is gossip.

Be patient and remember that your friend is in fight or flight mode. This is not an excuse to tolerate outright harmful behavior from them, but remembering that any negative shift you’ve noticed is because they’re essentially fighting for their lives inside their head is a good reminder that their behavior change isn’t a reflection of how they feel about you.

You’re a good friend! I’m sure your friend appreciates you x

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi can you be mad at someone whos going through a hard time? My dad is a jerk to my mum a lot, and shes already gone through a lot in life, like a lot a lot, but shes also abused me and can get really mad with me and just be mean. its confusing inside cos its like i dont like her, but i just feel so much guilt for that because she has no one left and the one guy she loves is a jerk and idk it just makes my stomach flip lol. today she bought us all popeyes, cost a lot too haha, but my dad flat out refused to try it. was so mad at my mum for buying him chicken cos he apparently suddenly hates it, and got really mad at my mum. she ate in the kitchen away from him, then made him some noodles. his response? 'what are you doing, why did you make me them??' like very ungratefully, its hard tk convey tone over text haha. like idk he just demands everything of her all the time, never does anything for himself never mind anyone else. it makes me so mad. and feel so guilty. cos i feel like i cant be mad at mum, i mean its not fair for her im the only one whos nice to her idk how long she has left and i just want her to have a happy life yk? but sometimes she makes me super mad lol. is that allowed? can both feelings exist? i dont know how to properly fix it in my head

Hey, nonnie. The short answer is: yes, you can be mad at someone who's going through a hard time. And, yes, you can be affected and traumatised by a person's abuse even if that person is also going through abuse. Both things can coexist. And, even in scenarios that don't involve abuse, if someone causes harm to another person, that harm doesn't magically disappear because the person who caused it was struggling. Their struggle may explain the harm, but it doesn't justify or nullify it.

I really relate to the fears you express in this ask, because when I was going through abuse, my abusive mother was also going through hell. She wasn't being abused, but she was really struggling, and she repeatedly reminded me I was the only person who still cared about her and supported her. So, for a long time, I also felt extremely guilty for hating her for abusing me. She made me feel like she deserved my support more than I deserved to want to be safe from her. And I felt like any negative emotion I had toward her was selfish and extremely unfair.

But that was the abuse talking, and the truth is that no one, no matter how much they are suffering, is entitled to abuse someone else without consequence. And, as a victim, you are always, always allowed to put your safety first. Even if you're (either supposedly or literally) the only person in your abuser's life who is still kind or supportive towards them, you are allowed to want to stop being that person for them. You're allowed to take any and every step you can to seek safety. And you're definitely allowed to be angry at your abuser for hurting you.

It's okay if this is hard to believe right now. But I hope it helps to hear that the guilt and uncertainty do decrease during recovery, once you've given yourself space and time away from your abuser. It won't always feel like you're horrible and selfish for being angry she hurt you.

I can't remember where, but I once heard someone say that your anger is the part of you that knows you never deserved to be hurt; your anger is the part of you that loves you. That really stuck with me. And, when I started therapy to recover from my abuse, one of the first things I remember my therapist telling me was that once you start feeling anger without guilt whenever someone wrongs you, that's a sign you're getting better. Because anger is the appropriate reaction to being mistreated. Guilt, in this case, is a trauma response.

To reinstate: your mum is going through abuse, and you are allowed to be furious at her for abusing you in turn. They can coexist.

Hope some of this helps to hear. Sending you a big virtual hug ❤️

[1d1195]

Bestie :( First NEVER say sorry for ranting, on here and in irl. You are allowed to express anything that you are feeling positive or negative. Im sorry that you don't have or get to experience the type of comfort that you need to feel heard/seen. I don't know your whole life story or know you beyond what you chose to share here on tumblr, but you deserve better. It truly feels tiring trying to get people to notice you or to just simply hear you out. And people take advantage of your kind heart :( and being emotional and having these feelings are so much more powerful than they seem. I know that you see the best in people but sometimes no matter how much you try some people just simply don't make the effort to understand others. And I feel like you should not put so much effort into trying to make them understand you when they clearly will not put in the same effort. It seems scary or you may feel guilty for putting yourself first but if no one else does it for you even for just a bit then I think it will be best to not force them. They cant seem to see the wonderful person in front of them, and it's truly their loss.

There are people out there that won't make you feel that your emotions are an inconvenience to them. There are people who DO see you! It be time to just simply not care for those people, which of course is easier said than done but taking that chance is worth it. YOU are worth taking taking that step forward. It's scary and maybe youre so over it that it feels like its too much and thats okay. But remember Sam, you deserve to receive that love and comfort that give!

You obviously don't have to respond or even care about anything I say tbh! In the end you know what will be best for you!

I just want you to know you are so loved! I LOVE YOU! Sending you the warmest hug and the best vibes! Hope you have a better week, that's less busy! love you lots!-💜

Well my week went from crummy to rock bottom. But I had a nice cry and I’m doing okay now. I think. Or I’m going to fake it till I make it. I’m exhausted. But honestly I feel better after crying.

Should be less busy now. You make a lot of good points. I think i was being a little dramatic. There’s a lot of good people in my life but my expectation of how they’ll behave/act towards me is not always how I would. I think I want a me in my life to support me hahaha.

Thank you for being so supportive. I hope your week is shaping up better than mine 💕

I’m excited to hear your thoughts on part 6 (when I get around to posting it)

Thank you for letting me vent and being so sweet as always. Hope your exams went well!

Xoxo

[casspurrjoybell-28]

Alpha's Temptation - Chapter 32 - Part 3

*Warning Adult Content*

Going home from school I feel a bit better but not really.

Even though making up with Jay was a good thing that I'm glad happened, the other negatives in my life overpower it.

I'm attempting to do my homework after staring at it blankly for half an hour when I hear a knock on my door.

Assuming Lucien's just come home, I say...

"Come  in."

The door opens slowly and I scramble to stand up from the bed.

Because it's not Lucien.

It's his son.

Daemon looks worn down and scruffy, obviously having just gotten back from his mission.

"I know I'm being a fucking pain but I just... I couldn't go home without seeing you," he says, his voice raw and vulnerable.

I feel a whirlwind of emotions as the words leave his mouth, yet all I can do is tear up at the sight of him.

"Daemon," my voice trembles when I say it.

I put my hands over my face, turning away.

How do I face him now?

I don't have to think long about how to deal with the situation because then he's embracing me from behind, pulling me against him.

"I'm sorry, Ash. I'm so sorry," he murmurs, my back to his chest. 

It's like the strength has left my legs and I sink to the ground, Daemon going with me.

One touch and I'm weak, realizing how much I've missed the warm cage of his arms.

"Daemon..." I say his name with anguish.

"I-I shouldn't have let you leave like that. I'm sorry for turning you a-away," I start to cry, the regret of everything flooding in.

"Don't apologize for anything. I'm the one who fucked up."

I shake my head, sniffling as he pulls me in even tighter.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I was shit to you."

He buries his face in the crook of my neck, kissing me tenderly there.

"I'm so sorry."

I take in a few deep breaths, hiccuping and trying to calm down as he just holds me, his grip tight yet not painful, just enough to show me that he doesn't want to let me go.

I don't want him to let me go, either.

My hands come to grasp his strong arms that wrap around my shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze.

He takes this as a sign to loosen them and when he does, I turn, throwing my arms around his neck.

"I forgive you," I say softly.

He wastes no time crushing me in his embrace again, pulling me fully into his lap.

"The redhead's right, you know. I don't deserve you," he says quietly, his brows creasing in sincerity.

"No," I shake my head.

"She's not. I'm the one w-who doesn't deserve you."

Daemon frowns.

"Why would that be?"

"Because I'm s-so stupid sometimes. And I frustrate you. A-And I'm a burden that you never asked for. I f-feel guilty that you even have to d-deal with me," I admit.

He brings his forehead to mine, his expression pained.

"That's not true baby. None of it. And I'm a piece of shit for making you feel that way."

I look at him a moment before I start to cry again.

How am I supposed to believe that?

Does he really not see me as a burden?

"Shit," Daemon pulls my head under his chin, gently stroking my back up and down.

"I didn't mean to make you cry more."

"I'm sorry," I sniffle, gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly in my hands.

"No more apologies," he kisses my forehead.

"Don't feel bad for having fucking emotions. It's better than keeping everything inside until you explode at the worst moment. Like I did."

We're quiet for a while after that, my head resting against his chest as I try to ground myself.

"Why do you do that, Daemon? Why do you keep it inside?" I finally ask.

He's quiet for a moment.

"Because... it's hard to talk about. I have this feeling of dread when I think about how people will react. How they'll think of me once they know."

I can relate to that all too well.

That's why I've never told anyone about what my stepfather did to me.

Because I don't want them to think of me as an unstable freak.

To pity me.

"I-I get it. You don't have to tell me what happened if it's uncomfortable for you."

"No," Daemon immediately dissents.

"I want to give you an explanation. It doesn't excuse me lashing out like that but... I at least want to tell you why."

"You can trust me. I'll never judge you," I reassure, snuggling up against him.

He takes a deep breath, absentmindedly stroking his hand up my arm.

"Okay... The day you came to the pack-house.

It was the anniversary of my mother's death.

Rose's death.

Rose wasn't actually my biological mom.

Lucien's not my real father, either.

My real parents were both rogues.

They had been cast out of their pack and traveled across the continent searching for a place we could start anew.

But they caught Xaerva.

The disease killed them slowly.

I didn't catch it, I don't think.

I didn't understand what was going on.

I was only three.

And, I don't even know how I fucking remember this but my mom sat me down one day..."

[crisishauntline]

Notes for our next couples session

I think you see yourself as always loving, open, vulnerable, and innocent by default, and to a fault. This conception of yourself comes from both your genuinely loving nature, but also your unwillingness to confront the darker side of you that contradicts that image of yourself. I need you to know that in reality, there are some ways you can be selfish, manipulative, closed-off, and cruel without realizing it, usually when you are experiencing hurt.

It hurts/alienates me when:

You hyperfixate on my negative emotions and make them about you/your need for reassurance, rather than just comforting me and trusting me to tell you when a bad feeling is about you.  There are times when you’ll be right (i.e., when my negative emotion is about you), and those are the times when it’s most important for you to trust me to bring it to you when I’m ready. It may seem counter-intuitive to you, but I actually need some reassurance from you in these moments, to know that you will not resent or fear me for pulling away when I need to, and that you trust me to be fair to both of us as I assess a situation. I am happy to provide you some reassurance, but making me do it before I've fully assessed something, without giving any reassurance in kind, implicitly puts me in the wrong (for making you anxious), makes me doubt the validity of my own emotions and needs, and makes me doubt your ability to take criticism in good faith.

You ask me to go against a boundary I have set, even if it is because you are in pain and need more support. I want to help you and be there for you, but you need to be mindful of the fact I have limited resources, and if I take time and energy away from my own life to support you on a given night, I will need to make up for that later on in the week. 

You conflate my need for alone time with “not wanting” to spend time with you. Caring for myself is not a rejection or punishment of you.

I think you consciously know I need time to myself, but unconsciously still believe that your short-term needs are more important than my long-term (and short-term) needs. I am not the only one who can help you meet your needs. It is a loving act, both to me and yourself, to turn to others and give them the opportunity to show up for you. If you sometimes can do this proactively even before you ask me, not just after I’ve had to say no, that’s even better.

You judge me as cold, selfish, or cruel for upholding a boundary, and shut me out or withhold empathy/curiosity about my distress. I need you to understand that taking time away—and doing so before I feel burned out rather than after I reach a breaking point—is a loving act. It is better for both of us if I have time to recharge and be more present for you the next day than to push myself to exhaustion to stay with you as long as you need, every time you need it. Feeling loved by you means being able to trust you to be okay without my comfort sometimes—and if you’re not ok, to not blame me for your own emotional state. I want to help you heal yourself, but I am not a requisite to that process. In fact, I sometimes feel my presence is more of a crutch that continues the status quo.

You apologize for “feeling bad” or having health problems, rather than the way you can treat me poorly or take me for granted when you’re suffering from those things. This makes me feel guilty and invalid for feeling hurt by anything you do when you don’t feel good, which is not fair to me. Even when you are suffering, you still have the agency to treat me with kindness, gentleness, attention, respect, and gratitude. Some examples of how you can hurt my feelings in these situations:

1. Not responding to or engaging with things I say, whether they’re about a conflict between us or just about my day. I feel sometimes like I'm not interesting or valuable to you unless I am validating you.

2. Not noticing or expressing gratitude for the ways I am showing up for you, prioritizing you, and making you feel seen and loved

3. Not giving me the benefit of the doubt in situations where you might feel anxious, esp. delays in communication or how I’ve phrased something

4. See above re: Not respecting my need for alone time or time with friends/family, and/or judging me for attending to those needs

5. Countering/dismissing my hurt with your own and making excuses, rather than trying to understand me and take accountability/make amends

You often bring up my struggles with work in this context to make false equivalencies about how you’re “always” comforting me too. This is not comparable to the comfort/caretaking you require of me in terms of:

1. Time

2. Intensity

3. Frequency 

4. Responsibility: Since this is an issue you play no part in, you don’t need to take accountability or apologize for anything that causes this distress. For the same reason, I can’t really be upset with you for NOT comforting me in these times, since it’s not your problem, and I already feel ashamed at not just resolving it myself. On the other hand, your distress always somehow hinges on me apologizing for something I've done (or not done), even if it originally stems from something outside our relationship.

I feel I am constantly explaining myself into a void, asking you over and over if what I’m saying makes sense. If/when I eventually get a “yes” from you, you don’t elaborate on or reflect back what I’ve said. I’m left wondering if you’re only saying you understand when you don’t, just to end the conversation and avoid self-reflection.

I just would like to hear you say “That must be really hard,” “I’m sorry, I didn’t consider that before,” “I understand why you’d feel ____ when I do ____,” or “Thank you for sharing that with me and giving me a chance to do better.”

While the core narrative of the anxiously attached individual is "I'm not ok, other people are ok," the one I have as a anxious/fearful avoidant is "I'm not ok, other people aren't ok." I struggle to trust myself as much as I struggle to trust others. That means that reassuring me is as much about telling me I'm going to be ok as telling me you're going to be ok.

[mur-art]

TexaCali HCs

Continuing @halcyonlauren‘s ask, here’s some TexaCali. 

Slight TW for some mentions of unhealthy/disordered eating behavior. 

“Texacali

pre-relationship: 3, 4

general: 3, 9

love: 8, 11

domestic life: 9, 10″

I will start by saying that I don’t really personally ship them (although I enjoy it when other do, and I appreciate their dynamic) but I’ll answer these the best I can.

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

Florida canonically (?) writes fanfiction about them, so he totally ships it if only for the chaos potential. I feel like many of the other states are also like, “JUST [CENSORED] KISS ALREADY AND SAVE US THE AGGREVATION!”

Who felt romantic feelings first?

Okay, so they’re both total hopeless romantics at heart, but Cali is slightly more in-touch with his feelings so he would definitely be the first to notice something. Texas would forever deny DENY DENY.

What was their first kiss like?

I feel like it would be cliché but super on-brand if it was accidental somehow. I have no idea how it would happen, but somehow they end up kissing and Texas likes it and can’t stop thinking about it but refuses to admit it. And Cali is a little shit and gloats about how flustered Texas gets when he thinks about it. He would keep bringing it up just to see how red Texas’ face gets.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

Cali, because as previously noted, he is a little shit. He’s always trying to make Texas as flustered as possible. He knows exactly what to say to get a reaction out of him. It’s a bit of an ego trip for him to have that kind of power over him because IMO it’s literally impossible for Cali to do anything without bringing his ego into it. And vice versa.

Who’s better at comforting the other?

They both have their moments. In times of real, genuine trouble (like in that *one* Table News, you know the one) they instantly enter Supportive Partner Mode. Cali might go a little bit overboard with “therapist talk” sometimes, trying to psychoanalyze Texas’ every negative emotion and try to find a solution to every problem, when all Texas needs is a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen to him rant. Likewise, Texas doesn’t always know how to deal with Cali when he’s upset because he’s not the best at the whole “emotional expression” thing, and Cali sometimes has all of the emotions, all at the same time. But they try their best to understand each other.

What songs apply to their relationship?

Honestly I need to work on this a bit more; I definitely don’t have as many songs as I should, but here’s few that remind me of them for some reason:

“Origin of Love” by MIKA

“Hate That You Know Me” by Bleachers

“Say My Name” by David Guetta

Lots of old outlaw country-type songs, but especially “Born and Raised in Black and White” by the Highwaymen (there are two characters in this song: I’ll leave it up to interpretation which one is which.)

“My Girl Don’t Like My Cowboy Hat” by Hank Williams, Jr. (This is kind of a joke song but it just fits.)

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

I HC Cali as an obnoxious morning person (like even despite the time zone differences he’s up earlier than everyone else and hyped up on several cups of coffee and terrifyingly intense about his morning routine). So Texas is always trying to convince him to come back and just chill out for a bit.

Who’s the better cook?

It depends on what they’re making! Texas knows what all of Cali’s “guilty pleasures” are and he loves baking sweet treats. He’s always the one doing the BBQ-ing and making super dense comfort foods. He also makes a lot of Tex-Mex type stuff. He tends to stick with the same kinds of foods that he’s familiar with and knows he’s good at making. He rarely branches out to different recipes. Cali, on the other hand, is the experimental chef. He will try literally anything and doesn’t always succeed. Sometimes Texas has to step in to keep him from burning down the kitchen while trying to blow torch a crème brulee or something. Cali is prone to fad diets (which can be super unhealthy) and so Texas has to deal with his constant experimenting with substitutions and workarounds for ingredients he “can’t” have. And then when Cali’s “experiments” end up tasting awful, he bakes cookies and they cuddle and watch movies on the couch.

[etherrreal]

“the things you do for charity”

Pairing: kenma x gn!reader Genre: fluff Summary: kenma's always been a private person, but it was getting increasingly harder to keep his partner off his streams while you live together; so, he decided to join his two loves together for a 24-hour charity stream extravaganza. Word Count: 3,408 Warnings: some swearing, i suppose there are some spoilers from the manga about adult kenma's job? A/N: i'd give my left tit to play some minecraft or mario kart with kenma tbh -Luna

Kenma's career as a popular streamer was one of the many facets of him that shocked you when you’d started dating two years ago. The two of you had first met in an Animal Crossing discord for your city meant for trading and making friends.

After you had gone over to his island to adopt Raymond from him, he let you keep all of your Nook Mile Tickets with the stipulation that you kept in contact with him to "give him updates" about how the cat villager was doing in his new home. His dorky way of trying to flirt with you was what made you pursue him in the first place, and somehow it had led to a very fulfilling relationship.

It was revealed early on that he was a streamer, but he never expanded on it regarding the actual numbers. Curiosity got the best of you one night, and you decided to google him. Besides also learning that he was a YouTuber, you found yourself in awe at the numbers he managed to accumulate across all of his social media.

And if that wasn’t enough, he was also apparently the CEO of his own business.

Once you moved in together around the one-year mark of your relationship, you got to properly witness the amount of work put into streaming and maintaining a social media presence. This also meant that you got to read the wild comments that were left on all of his platforms–and see the occasional surprise nude picture whenever he opened up his DMs around you.

Because of this, Kenma sat you down to have a conversation about your potential appearance on his social media. You both decided by the end of it that his audience would get to know that he was in a committed relationship, but you agreed it would be best to not show your face or reveal any identifying information of yours.

It had been a year since having that conversation, and you’d both stuck to the agreement closely. The most his audience had ever seen of you was your hand whenever you refilled his water bottle for him.

Of course, it was hard sometimes, especially when you had to remain extra quiet around the house and refrain from yelling out a 'baaaabe' whenever you needed something from him, but since he had his own soundproof office, it lessened the room for any accidental error.

Overall, you were content with never showing your face to his audience for the rest of his career. You knew how nasty the internet could get because of their parasocial relationships with influencers and streamers alike, especially when they discovered those influencers and streamers had a partner who wasn't them, even if they knew they never had a chance. You weren't sure your skin was thick enough to deal with rabid angry stans.

Which is why it was so shocking when Kenma decided one day to nix the agreement.

You were in your shared bedroom answering some emails when he came in. He was dressed in a baggy hoodie, sweats, and tied-up hair; his typical look for a stream.

After some time, you noticed that he was still standing in the doorway, not saying anything. When you glanced up at him, you found him awkwardly toying with the strands of hair that had fallen out of his bun, looking down at the ground like he was just waiting for you to notice him.

"Is there something you need, baby?" you asked. "You're just standing there all adorably shy."

"Yeah, so, um, I'm going to be doing a 24-hour stream this weekend to raise money for charity."

"Oh, really? Cool! I guess that means I'll be going to bed alone that night," you joked.

"Yeah, I guess. Um..." He started before scrunching up his face like he was uncomfortable with what he planned to say next.

"What is it? Do you need me to stock up on snacks and energy drinks? Just send me a list. I can pick  them up tomorrow."

"No, that's not it. I was thinking of making a stretch goal be you coming on stream so we can play Minecraft or Mario Kart or something...I mean, I totally understand if you don't feel comfortable. I could always replace it with something else. I know they've been wanting to see me dye my hair a bright color and dress up like an e-boy, so--"

"Really!?" you nearly yelled.

"What? That they want me to dress like an e-boy? Yeah, Kuroo said it would–"

"No, I mean..." You tried to fight the confused expression that was growing on your face, but your squinted eyes gave you away. "You really want me on your stream? Like face and all?"

"....Yeah, I really want to be able to share this with you. But don't feel like you have to do it just to make me happy."

It was a large ask when looking at the full picture. Kenma had his fair share of fans and "stans" who lacked boundaries, as seen from a select few who visited your home several times this year, or the handful that found you on social media already just from seeing a glimpse of your college ring on the hand wrapped around Kenma's water bottle.

There could be a chance you could receive direct hate on your social media just because you were a person who dated a popular streamer. You would then be in the public eye with little privacy and have a magnifying glass on all of your actions and words. Anything you did would then reflect on Kenma.

What if you messed something up and then Kenma lost viewers? Would they try to cancel you or him for it?

You backed away from all the negative thoughts before you could spiral and looked at the metaphorical 'pro' column.

If you agreed to appear on his stream, you would no longer have to sneak around your house in fear of being heard or showing up in his face cam. You both wouldn't have to feel guilty playing games off-camera with each other because you knew Kenma could be streaming it instead.

And who knew? Maybe his fans would like you. You had to admit, it would be a nice ego boost knowing that you were accepted by so many people.

And, most importantly: you could physically ask him in person what he wanted for dinner instead of texting him and waiting an hour for a break so he could respond, while you sat in the next room, starving, stuck in an endless cycle of wondering whether you should make a snack or if you should just hold off for dinner.

Maybe this was a good idea.

"Okay,” you decided, “I'll do it."

"Oh... alright. Cool." Kenma was trying his hardest not to show how excited he was that you agreed. When he saw the contemplative look on your face, he was sure you would decide that it'd just be too much work and say no. But hearing you agree made him giddier than he would ever admit to.

Despite the cool and collected façade he thought he was putting on, you saw the smile that threatened to break through and the red tips of his ears. You wondered if he felt the same weight being lifted off his shoulders as you did, knowing that, after this weekend, you'd both be finally out as an official couple to the world.

And, of course, the nausea of having to do all of it live in front of thousands of people. No biggie.

Saturday afternoon came and at 12pm sharp, Kenma began his grueling 24-hour charity stream. The bar had an overall goal of $150,000, and it began filling up at a constant pace right from the start. Donations ranging from $5 to $500 were flowing in rapidly, and you were trying your best not to feel nervous.

You both agreed that if he reached $50,000 within 5 hours, you would join him for an hour or two of Minecraft later that night. Part of you hoped that the donations would slow down and plateau for a bit, but when you saw Kuroo had donated $1000, specifically with the message that he hoped to see you on stream soon, you realized that it was a pipe dream.

So, you had to be your own hype person for now, to get prepared to show your face to thousands of people and not disappoint Kenma.

Whether it was the promise of your face reveal or the people who genuinely adored charity, it took only four hours for Kenma to break $50,000.

When he saw the number update live on stream, the viewers witnessed the most amount of expression Kenma had ever shown: eyes wide as saucers, mouth slightly agape, body frozen. You could see the gears struggling inside his head struggling to turn and comprehend what they all managed to do so early on in the stream.

"Thanks so much, everyone, for being so generous today... I guess this means we'll be having my partner on later tonight," he announced. You watched his chat explode with excitement, his special emotes flying in the chat.

You picked up your phone to shoot Kenma a quick text.

[you]:: hope you're ready to put our minecraft beds together in front of thousands of people 😏

Unsurprisingly, he left you on read. But dating him for this long meant you weren't even a little bit afraid of double or triple texting.

[you]:: maybe we can kiss under the light of an exploding creeper 😫

[you]:: or have a romantic walk through our rainbow sheep while a phantom looms overhead 🥰

It was after the third text when you finally saw him pick up his phone to text you back. You eagerly awaited his response, only to cackle when you read it.

[my sugar daddy]:: im going to replace you with hinata as my partner if you dont stop

Instead of annoying him any further, you set your phone to charge on your nightstand and went into the bathroom to get ready for the stream later.

Once you emerged, you picked up your phone to check the percentage and noticed a text from Kenma stating that he'd have you on at 8pm. You decided to spend the time until then cooking up some dinner for the both of you.

It seemed like time flew by because by the time you were done eating your food, it was 7:45pm. Only fifteen more minutes before you were live in front of all of Kenma's supporters. You refilled your water bottle and sat on the couch, staring at the blank T.V. as you practically dissociated from reality until Kenma came out of his office to retrieve you.

You noticed that he looked just as nervous as you did, despite his face not showing it the way yours did. His shoulders were up to his ears with tension, and his hoodie drawstring was pulled almost all the way through due to him fiddling with it.

He turned briefly to you after he brought you into his office, gesturing to make sure you knew to wait until he gave you the cue. He sat down, unmuted himself, and took down the 'away' screen he had for his audience.

This was it. Everything was going to change in literally ten seconds.

"Well, everyone...please welcome my partner, (Y/N)."

You walked cautiously around his large gaming chair and sat next to him in your modest desk chair that he had rolled into the room for the occasion.

Okay, you thought to yourself, now don't fuck this up.

"Hi, everyone."

Nailed it.

There was a painful moment of silence before the stream finally caught up, and you both heaved a sigh of relief when you saw nothing but declarations of excitement. Amongst the 'AHHHs' and spam of emotes were sweet comments about your appearance and how cute you two looked as a couple. You peeked over at Kenma and saw the ghost of a smile on his lips, elated to know that he was just as relieved as you were.

"Okay, let's start with the gameplay while we answer some questions," he said.

The questions and gameplay started out mild; when did you both start dating, how did you meet, who asked the other out first. They even asked a few simple questions about you specifically, like your favorite anime and your star sign. And while you did see a few bans in the chat after some inappropriate questions –no, you will not tell them the color of your underwear– most were easy and simple enough to answer.

Then they started to get a bit spicier.

"Bokutoslefttit donated $69.69 and asked, 'what is your main pet peeve with Kenma?'" he read, muttering a 'wow' under his breath at the username.

"Ooh, how can I be polite when exposing you?" you pondered while beating a cow to death with your sword. "It's probably how loud he gets whenever he's playing games with his good headphones on."

"I don't get loud," he defended.

"Oh yeah, you do. I've had to come in here several times to tell you to shut up like I'm your mother. I did it literally two days ago when you were playing with Lev."

"... Next question."

You rolled your eyes at his lack of comment but glanced over at the chat to pull up a new question. You stifled a laugh when you read, "Girlboss420 asked 'who has a fatter ass, Kuroo or (Y/N)?'"

"I'm not answering that."

"Come oooon, this is a Q&A. Can't have the Q’s without the A’s."

"Nope."

You were about to start reprimanding him for implying that Kuroo's ass was fatter than yours when you noticed he ran past you with a group of pillagers following closely behind. You turned to head into the house but when you opened the door, you noticed it was blocked off by obsidian.

"You are the absolute worst!" you exclaimed.

You made a break for it, sprinting past the shooting pillagers and around to the front of the house. You made it inside with only 2 hearts to spare. You turned, in real life, to Kenma to see him tight-lipped to avoid smiling about his betrayal.

"I'm moving my bed downstairs for the rest of the stream."

You both carried on with the stream without another incident, turning to the chat every now and again to answer some questions. Kenma even apologized to you by bringing home a horse that was named "I'm sorry."

It was about an hour and a half after you sat down when Kenma decided that he needed a bathroom break. Your heart fell to your ass when you realized that you'd be all alone to entertain his chat. You considered saying that you needed to pee as well, if it meant not having the spotlight on you.

Instead, when he got up to pee, you smiled and asked him to bring you back a snack and a refill. Oh, how the turns have tabled.

In the meantime, you decided to scroll through the chat and some of the donations to pick out another question to answer since Kenma was gone. You were initially looking for a funny or vulgar comment when you saw one that had a completely different vibe.

"Kermithateblog donated $25.00 and asked, 'what's your favorite part about being with Kenma?' Wow, that's a really sweet question. Let me think for a moment."

You paused to reflect on your relationship with Kenma over the two years you’d been together. You'd had your fair share of highs and lows like any other couple, but, in the end, you both learned how to work things out so you were both equally as happy in the relationship.

"So, as you guys know, he's a busy boy with streaming, creating content for YouTube, and also being a CEO of his own company, which all takes up the majority of his time," you began. "But when he finally can shut off his screens and crawls into bed late at night, I know that he's 100% there with me at that moment. He is able to give me his undivided attention and make me feel like his love for me comes above his love for gaming."

You gave a pause, trying not to get too emotional. You rarely got the chance to gush about Kenma because you knew how much he hated having attention on him, so if this was going to be your only opportunity to do so for a while, then you were going to take it.

"What y'all don't know is that he is the biggest baby when it comes to cuddling," you laughed. "He is absolutely the little spoon most of the time, and he loves when I stroke his hair and love on him all night. In a weird way, it makes me feel special and loved knowing that he trusts me enough to be vulnerable with me. I cherish the amount of time we have together because of that."

What you didn't know was that he had come back from refilling your water bottle rather quickly and stood outside the doorway to hear your speech. His heart almost burst when he heard your tender words describing how he made you feel. He knew that you rarely got to hear how much those quiet moments at night meant to him because he was guarded with his feelings.

Which is why he started into the room on a mission.

You smiled as soon as you saw him. "Welcome back, babe, we were just talking about--"

He approached you swiftly and leaned down to press a gentle kiss on your forehead. You hardly even got to bask in the moment before he was pulling away, setting down your water bottle as he sat back down with his controller in hand like he didn't just expose to his audience how much of a softy he really was.

It was in that moment when you realized how glad you were that you’d decided to appear on stream because you'd be able to look back at that clip over and over again to relive the intimate moment.

Noon on Sunday came at last. Kenma would finally be free from the prison of his office. Not to mention he could finally get off his ass and stretch.

Between your official appearance on stream and the sign-off, you popped in a few more times to say hello to the chat when you brought him some snacks and drinks. You stayed up through most of the night, although you accidentally napped for a few hours during the dead of night which gave you a little boost in energy.

In the end, the stream was a monumental success. Kenma had even managed to blow past his goal of $150k and make it to over $200k, which meant that he'd be getting the full e-body makeover for his next week of streams.

By the time Kenma came into your bedroom after freshening up and having a small snack, you were already dead asleep with your laptop propped open to show his now offline stream.

He tip-toed around the bed quietly, closed your laptop, pulled the covers up and over your curled-up body, and slipped in himself. As he settled, he felt you shift and grab at his worn t-shirt, opening your eyes slightly just to confirm that it's him.

He pulled you against his chest tightly, his body finally able to relax. He was sure it wouldn't be too long before he completely fell out.

"That was more fun than I thought it'd be," he heard you utter quietly.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." His fingers gently danced across your shoulder blades as you mushed your face into his clean shirt. "I can't believe we raised so much today so quickly."

"I'm so proud of you, baby. You worked so hard on this."

"I also donated $2000 anonymously to speed up the process," he mumbled sheepishly, pressing a gentle kiss on the crown of your head in hopes to lessen the blow of his secret.

It was quiet for a moment, and he wondered if he’d genuinely pissed you off before he felt the vibrations from your laugh against his chest.

"...I can't wait to ruin your hair, e-boy."

Written by: Luna

[mywonuderful]

The Boyz reaction to you getting angry at them

anon request: tbz reacting to you getting angry with them, pls 🥺

genre: angst

warnings: slight swearing

a/n: please note that all these reactions are based on my own perspective and opinion! stupid tumblr only allows 10 gifs per post :(

main masterlist

Sangyeon

having him as a leader of 11 boys, I'm pretty sure he would be the most mature out of everyone even he can be a baby sometimes

“just how long did you think you could hide this from me?” you raised your voice

he would be taken back, looking at you with a speechless and shocked expression

he would try to process what to say next and also the fact that you raised your voice, which is something you almost never do.

I think he would be someone who would be careful around the words he'll say, especially during tensed conversations like this

he would approach the situation maturely, trying to fix the problem as best as possible and in ways were it can be prevented in the future

Jacob

okay first of all, we're taking about the angelic and patience boy here

“I’m fine, stop asking me.” your tone was firm as your shook off the his hand that was on your shoulder

he would be more confused, rather than shocked by your actions. He could sense that you're quite stressed out, he would softly ask you what's going on, being patient and responsive with everything you have to say

when disagreement comes, he would try to approach it in a manner where heated arguments would be avoided at all costs

because you know how sweet and composed this man is

he might leave to give you space if things do become a bit too heated but in the end, he'll try to resolve the matter and the both of you will live happily ever after~

Younghoon

he is a softie

“YOU WHAT?” your eyes almost popping out of it’s sockets

I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up tearing up, crying

because his heart is just full of softness and anything hurting it will just lead to him drowning in his tears

I have a feeling that you'll end up comforting him, even if you're mad at him

but then you can't ever stay mad at him, because you'll sense his presence, looking at you in a distance and when you turn to look at him, his there, looking at you with pouted lips and puppy eyes

but if you're actually mad at him, he'll stay serious, trying to figure out what the problem is

Hyunjae

I think he'll be taken back and quiet at the same time

“Fine! I’m tired of doing this anyways.” you left his dorm. He would be too shocked and confused to stop you from leaving

like Jacob, he'll probably think about the whole situation, trying figure out a way to approach you and the problem

the both of you haven't spoken to each other in a couple of days since what happened as he wouldn't be himself, having his head occupied with what you said and your tone

he'll try to get a hold of you, asking to see if you could meet up

he'll be nervous, since he rarely ever sees you like this and would be scared of messing things up, making it worst

he'll make sure to listen to what you have to say first, before expressing himself

Juyeon

don't be fooled by his cool on-stage image, he's a true softie

apparently he gets upset easily too ??

either way, if he saw that you were angry at him, he might be flustered on why and maybe even a little upset that you are

"I can't even look at you right now." you crossed your arms, looking away from him as he mouth parted, eyes wide from your statement before he raised an eyebrow, scoffing.

the both of you might be in a heated argument before one of you leaves or breaks it, letting space of your own. He'll gather his thoughts, trying to see what he might have done to make you mad.

I see him as someone who would apologizes first because you're someone he truly cherishes and he doesn't want any misunderstandings or miscommunications be the reason of anything that he doesn't want to happen

Kevin

his energy, vibe and aurora.... unmatchable I'm afraid

be in all, he would be quite serious and firm

"Moon Hyungseo, this isn't up for debate." he knows you're upset with him, hearing that you called him by his Korean name which was a name he didn't preferred to be called by.

but then hearing that from you and him knowing that you know that he didn't liked to be called by his Korean name might trigger something in him as he may end up snapping back at you, only instantly regretting after the words left his lips would be extremely logical and rational about everything, trying to get to every bit of detail

he isn't someone who likes to argue but when compensating he would definitely take his time and break down what has happened and what needs to be solved

New

I can definitely get the feels that he might be someone more affected by their partner's emotions, especially when it comes to negative ones like argue

“I’m not being ridiculous, you are!” New would be quite hurt yet frustrated by your words, leading up to an argument where the two of you bumped heads

he would end up leaving the room, wanting some space for himself to cool down because the two of you rather have heated bickering.

I don't think he would apologize first because he believes that if he isn't at fault, he shouldn't need to apologize just to make his partner feel better

maybe after a few days, the two of you will end up using the same space where one of you ends up bringing up the argument, apologizing and trying to come to an agreement

Q

him having two sister will put him in a place where he probably has more experience on handling arguments

"Gosh, I can't believe you and your words." you rolled your eyes

he might be someone who has their feelings control them more than their mind in the moment but afterwards, he'll reflect on what he said

I think he might hold a few grudges here and there but tries to not let it get to him during arguments

he might avoid you for a couple of days, probably forgetting in the middle that the two of you fought, casually thinking to you

Juhaknyeon

I feel like he would be very gentle hearted (???) like even when you're mad at him (???)

he looks like someone who has a lot of patience, like Jacob (don't quote me on that though) especially when it comes to his significant other

"And you weren't planning to tell me after all this time?" he would be very calm upon your irritated voice. He wouldn't raise his voice but talk in a way that you may find annoying (???) because you're the worked up one

but nonetheless, he would hide the fact that he's surprised from you angered tone, trying to express a more mature example of himself in front of you

like Q, I think it would take him a few days for him to talk to you because he wants to give you the space you need, but he'll try slipping in short conversations here and there to see if you've calm down bit

Sunwoo

if you've seen him in variety shows, interviews or games you know how unpredictable he could be at times

like how he could go from mr.handsomewithaveryattractivefaceandjawline to whatthehellisgoinginsidehishead with his sudden screams and yells

so I wouldn't be surprised if he talked back at you when you were mad

"I have every right to be mad at you right now." he would roll his eyes, scoff before responding in a aggressive manner, only to end up in a quarrel

he wouldn't think twice about having to think about his actions as his first thought would be to just argue back

your fights may be more intense out of all the members in my opinion since he holds his pride quite high but in no means is that an insult

avoidance between the two of you may go from a couple of days to even weeks depending on the situation but he'll start to feel guilty for ignoring you rather than talking back at you

Eric

this energy boi

although he may be the youngest, I have a feeling that he might handle this situation a bit better than Sunwoo no offence ily sunwoo

but he might be just a tad more logical and rational than him

"What is with you these days? You've been getting on my nerves." he would be speechless as he looked at you with a shocked expressed, trying to register what you just said in front of him

he'll stutter to find his words, scratching his head in confusion before you start to rage

he might mumble a retort under his breath or just end up arguing face to face, before he pulls himself out of the argument, leaving to get some fresh air

you'll end up avoiding him for a couple of days, leaving him helpless as he tried in every possible way to get your attention to talk to you so don't be surprised if you see agyeo from him

he might hold a few grudges, like Q but ends up apologizing, knowing that your relationship holds so much more over an argument

[funkymbtifiction]

6 vs 9

Thank you for answering my question on Ni and worrying!

I have debated on 6 vs. 9 before, but I’m pretty sure I’m a 9.

Not sure if you want an answer or not, but why not? I’ve got time. ;)

I do see 6 aspects in myself:

Lots of self-doubt and over-thinking. I take commissions as an artist and usually I’m excited to hear about a new commission but then get worried and think I won’t be able to do it / won’t do a good enough job. <- if you are a 9, this could just be your line to 6 and general anxiousness about doing a good job per your (I assume) 1 wing.

Being indecisive when anxious and wanting someone to tell me what to do/solve my problem. <- Hmm, I haven’t talked to my 9 core friends about this a lot, but I do notice some of them consult me in a “this is happening!!!” way and I give them suggestions on what to do, so… I’d say 9s will consult people they trust if they don’t know what to do. Also, did you decide on INFP? If so, indecisiveness is Ne.

I tend to plan for the worst/expect the worst (but hope for the best). <- Pessimism is a human condition. xD

I don’t project, though - I do worry that people may not like me, but I don’t test them to find out if that is the case and I always blame myself for it (i.e if they don’t like me it must be because I’m boring or weird or not emotionally reactive enough). <- I used to do this way more when I was young. I’d send an e-mail, get anxious if I didn’t get a normal prompt response, comb back over what I said searching for anything that might have upset them, and feel anxious for no reason assuming someone is mad at me. I would send out little feelers to see what was going on – quick texts or notes in a friendly tone to see if that generated a response. Now I just assume, when that anxiousness kicks in, that as adults, we’re all busy. But self-blaming is a condition of Fi, and not related to Enneagram type, IMO.

Also, I don’t provoke people to examine reactions. In fact I hate conflict (the classic “raised voices = yelling” 9 issue is true for me; in 95% of arguments I’m the peacemaker trying to find middle ground between other people). <- with me, it depends. I have zero problems with conflict at home or arguing with my parents / family members, but the less I know you and the less I trust you, the more I don’t want to fight with you. It’s true, though, that I have that bratty 6w7 energy that sometimes provokes to get a rise out of my loved ones, which my mother (a 1w9) absolutely hates. It’s hard to shut off, but I try for her sake. Course my father is quarrelsome too, so we’re like a tempest in a teapot sometimes.

I also don’t see many positive 6 aspects in myself:

The ability/desire to build connections and make a security system. <- Interesting. My security is my bank account and having a few people I can count on. It’s not stalking up my pantry, for sure. *cough * weak Si, like what kinds of foods even go together? *cough* Though I work very hard in my family business so we can all thrive, which is a security of its own.

Being loyal to friends and checking in with them to make sure we’re “okay” (I never do this barring an actual argument or something - mostly I ghost people; loyalty is not my strong suit!) <- This is very true of me. If anyone picks on any of my friends, I will get offended and fiercely defend them (even if I have criticisms of them myself). And I do like to stay connected as an extrovert. But following up what I said above, I don’t try to build super close connections as much as I did when I was younger. I’ve realized people have their own lives, and you’re lucky to get their attention at all. But I don’t ghost people. I used to stay in very immediate contact with them.

I feel very little need to connect with other people. My friends are basically my family and in-laws -  about 10 people who I truly trust and would do anything for. I don’t really want more people-related responsibilities. <- lucky little sp-dom introvert. ;) Though I can somewhat relate. More people means more energy going out, and I spend so much of it on my books and hobbies, I don’t have a lot left over. I was laughing with a fellow sp-dom INFP just yesterday about how we are both like “OMG, I have SOCIAL events in October, 5 of them!! I’m going to be so busy!!! Will it be too much???” Chill, girl. They’re interspersed over weeks. Stop over-thinking “invasions of my time!”

Meanwhile, I have many positive and negative 9 attributes:

The core problem of 9, apathy, is a BIG problem for me. Many problems in my life have been caused by not acting, by waiting too long in hopes that the problem will go away, by riding along on easy work (even if it is work I love and is worth doing) and not doing the hard work that would lead to the achievements I really want to make (writing a novel, etc.). I’m not a lazy/apathetic person in general - I can (and do) work extremely hard (I run my own art business and working 12+ hours a day is typical for me). But it’s a mental apathy issue, the quailing at mentally facing hard tasks and ending up doing small easy things that soothe me. <- aww, tho I relate to procrastinating. Being around 9s, it kind of amuses me to watch you self-soothe. Like, shouldn’t you be studying for your math final and not reorganizing the bathroom cabinets? And it seems like 9s can drag their feet even when it’s important until they decide to do it, then nothing stands in their way.

Other 9 aspects/problems I can see in myself:

Being vague - not knowing what I really want and getting frustrated by not having a clear vision of what to do. <- yeah, that’s 9ish.

Suppressing anger and other “negative” emotions because of seeking inner peace/blankness. And if I do express anger (usually in a burst under stress) I feel guilty about it. <- 1 wing, yeah.

Setting up walls between other people and myself because I can’t deal with their emotions. I don’t struggle with the intense kind of “merging” described by many 9s, but I think that might be because I’m Fi-dom and probably sp-dom. But it is still exhausting to handle the emotions, opinions, etc. of many people for long periods of time. <- I need to ask my 9w8 INFP more about this specifically, but I don’t know that she fully merges so much as prematurely (sp-dom) throws up a barrier and says Nope to things, in hopes of avoiding other people creeping into her feelings. And yeah, she finds being around especially temperamental or high energy people difficult, since it’s such a bombardment of drama + her own intense reactions.

Tolerating behavior I don’t like for too long because “they might have good intentions.” Thinking positively of people because believing the worst of them feels mean. <- same for me, Ne + compliant type issues.

I have very strong opinions but I don’t like to argue with other people. I tend to believe that if the truth exists, other people will be drawn to it without my twisting their arm and making them see it. <- that’s nice of you and very healthy Fi-dom. I … will absolutely argue up to a point, then decide it’s not worth my time and pointless.

My motto (good and bad) is often “Let’s wait and see if things improve.” <- haha.

Also, although I do struggle with 6ish self-doubt, when it comes down to it I trust my gut and believe that I know what is best for myself. People can give me advice and I’ll nod and thank them but inside I’m thinking “You don’t know me!” In general I am (or at least appear and strive to be) a cheerful, emotionally stable, positive person. So… I still think 9 gets more points. But honestly, this is one of those things that makes me believe in tritypes because I relate a lot to both of them! Thank you for reading all of this!

Go with your gut. Be a happy little 9. :)

ETA: Regarding relating to them both -- of course you do, 6 is your stress line, so it will show up regularly. ;)

[jamestrmtx]

Wish Upon a Night Sky - [Beastars | Various x Reader]

[Female, Sheep Reader | Slow Burn]

Summary:

After calling upon the decision to test the waters between carnivores and herbivores, things at Cherryton Academy turn far more tense than they already were. Unsurprisingly, there are those who poke fun at the decision, both with good and bad reasons at hand. Calling the academy out on such high of a risk's understandable, but mocking carnivores for making friends with their opposites isn't.

Having been sheltered through seventeen years of homeschooling and the rigid rule of never going out at night, you far from expect being allowed to attend there after your eighteenth birthday. Regardless, you don't plan on cowering back. Your want to expose yourself to the real world, meet new people, and live through new experiences outweighs that fear, transforming it into strength.

Act One | Man's Best Friend

[Previous] | [Next]

Already messy files almost end up scattered on the floor, yet you manage to salvage them right on time. Your hands and legs shake just as fast as your heart beats; even breathing is a challenge with how stressed your mind is. Being around a large number of people wasn't the norm in your home; you'd been used to being a close family of six since you were born, and nothing more. Spending time with others beyond relatives was a rarity, as was the idea and agreement of having you study your final year in Cherryton -- far outside the safety of your home. Now that you're eighteen and near to graduating, your family's given you three simple rules to follow: never step out of campus at night, never join acting, and never show daintiness. All three of them emphasize the word 'never'; not a single space for protest or bargain is left in those rules. You knew the consequences of going out at night, as well as the risks of calling forth unwanted attention by choosing not to dress how you were told and letting any sort of bubbly nature out. Being forbidden to join acting was by far the only thing they hadn't explained to you by full.

"Your dorm is through here," Jack says, pointing with his eyes and snout over to a busy hallway.

While the person giving you the tour isn't exactly the type you were warned of before being admitted into this school, he isn't exactly of your type either, but more of a happy medium between the two: a dog. Not quite a carnivore and not quite a herbivore, he's what you learned to be an omnivore -- a kind you were taught to be wary of just as much as a wolf or a lion. Even then, his presence is about as warm and welcoming as sun rays on a cold, winter day, and you find it hard not to smile when he continues to show you around the place. He only ever stops when he sees he's left you far behind, a product of you losing yourself in your thoughts and the new world around you. 

His excitement is one you wish you could manifest just as much as him, though the reminder of how you had to behave at this school leads you to brush and bury those ideas away and hold yourself back.

"Are you okay?"

Jack's question paired up with his careful tone help pull you out of your daydreaming. How concerned he looks makes you take note of the expression you're carrying. Oftentimes, you scrunched up your snout and furrowed your brow -- whenever you became lost in thought, mostly. To any outsider like him, it would seem as if though you're bothered by something, so you hurry in your reply, words leaving you in a rush, "I'm okay." Your smile returns as you meet his eyes. "I just… I got caught up with something else."

"Nervous about staying here?"

"About everything, honestly."

He lets out a laugh at that, and his gaze brightens as he motions for you to follow him once more.

Your next destination is what appears to be the rooms you were informed of at the beginning of your visit -- judging by the rows of doors laid around, along with one of them left open, displaying a bunk bed in the background. There's a student by the dresser, combing her fur without so much as bothering to look at you or Jack. She's far too focused on her brushing to acknowledge she's left the room visible to those wandering outside, though -- with her being a wolf -- you assume she's confident in herself. Or you believe so, at the very least, as based on the rumours your parents and every other family member taught you.

You halt when you notice Jack stops right by that door and see him gesture over with his head for you to step inside. 

"Is this allowed?" you blurt out, rushing to cover up not a minute after that question leaves your mouth. "O- Oh gosh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that."

"It's alright," he says, chuckling. "I know you're homeschooled, so if you have any questions about how things work here, feel free to ask me!" He stops for a moment and seems to recall something along the way. "And you can come over to my place, too, if you need more help with showing you around."

"How bold of you to invite a girl into the boys' dorm, Jack." 

A feminine voice comes from behind him, and -- soon after -- the wolf from earlier appears next to the dog. She directs a cheeky grin at him, then a friendlier smile at you. "You're my roommate, aren't you?" she says, nodding her head in the direction of your dorm. "What are you standing there for? I want to get to know you!" She sounds about twice as cheerful as Jack acts. "I was told about your arrival almost three whole months ago, so the wait has been long enough."

"...You're Juno?" you ask, making memory of the list handed over to you just a few hours ago. 

She nods, eyes softening. "(Y/N), right? It's... nice to have a herbivore who won't look for a change of dorms the second she sees me."

Already feeling guilty, you can only hope she hadn't heard you earlier ago. It was a known fact you tended to speak without thinking sometimes (if not, most of the time), so you make a mental note out of it and set up a goal to improve on that throughout the rest of the year. You thank Jack and say your goodbyes before following her into the room.

At the sound of the door closing, you breathe a sigh of relief with the knowledge you've made it this far without screwing up too badly. The next thing in mind is to try sparking up some conversation, but only when you make enough mental preparation for it -- aware your thoughts might run haywire and tactless again. "But... Why would they do that? Isn't it normal at this school?"

Juno shows you around the room and stops next to one of the beds, bottom one being the only one out of all the others around to have some of her possessions settled down on it. "It's allowed," she replies and continues with, "And though it's not too uncommon for both carnivores and herbivores to be placed together... Things got a lot more tense after a student's passing." Her ears droop along with her tail, and a hint of gloom clashes with her friendly demeanor. "That's why you're the only other woman in this room, and why I…" Her body shudders as she lets out a breath. "Why I try not to walk alone in the halls anymore." She takes another breath and lets it out with a huff. A hushed swoon then seems to take her over, replacing her sadness about as quickly as her ears go back up. "Although... I guess I wouldn't have met someone wonderful, if some students hadn't cornered me for being a carnivore not long after I arrived here."

The wolf sighs, then faces you with droopy eyelids and a softer smile. "Tell me, (Y/N)... Have you ever fallen in love? It's the most incredible feeling I can describe!" She sits down on the bottom bed, though she scoots aside, leaving you some space next to her. "They say your last year at school's the last chance you have for experiencing an emotion so strong, but I like to believe it will carry on as long as your love is powerful enough for it!"

While you're a bit lost as to what point she's trying to make, you smile and nod along as you wait for her to continue speaking. 

After all, having two friends at the beginning of your final school year didn't sound like a bad idea. Hopefully, your lonely days would start to change; your conversation with Jack and your current one with Juno have been -- without much exaggeration -- the most interaction you've had during all your eighteen years of living. Knowing you were finally free to meet as many people as you'd want as well as study over brand-new things and the relationships between both kinds made your worries and doubts more than worthwhile. No matter how often your family and distant acquaintances warned you otherwise, you needed to grow, learn, explore, and see more outside what was taught to you at home. 

You hear Juno out until she asks if you have a special someone yourself; the question turns out to be a bit of a difficult one to answer with how little people you knew to this day. So far, the only experience you remember similar to that of having a crush on someone was by reading stories of adventure and challenge when you were younger. All of these were confiscated by your family whenever you gained too many ideas, fell for a character, or whenever a book so much as mentioned the word carnivore between its pages -- in a light aside from that of hostile and negative.

Although it feels like nothing short of wishful thinking, you hope your current circumstances change soon with the new path being offered out to you; in that, you carry a strong and unshakable desire over.

And, who knows? 

Maybe one day you'd be able to sneak out and watch the night sky, too -- and with a friend or two by your side, preferably.

"I don't, but…" You trail off to consider her question; overwhelmed by the changes and influenced by her energetic self, you find it hard not to follow along with her. "I wouldn't mind having one -- if that opportunity ever came around!"

[Previous] | [Next]

[equizona]

Shielding Embrace

Fandom: Obey Me!

Characters: Mammon

Format: Drabble

Warning(s): Mentions of abuse(?) Angst(with a happy ending), crying, swearing, calling Lucifer a stuck up little bitch, OOC.

Summary: MC is tired of hearing Mammon get picked on so often, by his own brothers no less. As the second-born demon has always protected them, they think it's their turn to protect him.

Note: I wrote this a while ago, since I'm tIRED of Mammon getting bullied all the time. He deserves better-

"Diavolo, stop being such a scumbag Mammon-"

It wasn't uncommon that the brothers would call the second-born mean words. Scumbag was their favorite, along with dumb or stupid. You agreed that he didn't always make the best choices, but they were always so cruel about it. It never gave off the vibes that they were only joking either. It was like they meant every word.

You hated it with your whole being. Mammon had been the nicest to you, and he had been the one who had been there with you since the start, ever since Lucifer made him your 'guardian' in a way. He wasn't the best at showing his emotions, but you could tell he cared. Sometimes, it felt like he was the only one who cared.

You wanted to shout, or scream at them, for all the cruel things they would say to him. He deserved better than that. He was their brother, so why were they always so mean to him?

"MC? Are you okay?" You were forced out of your mind by Satan's annoyingly Loud question that brought the attention of everyone at the table to the two of you.

You remember when he tried to kill you. You remember when all of them tried to kill you. You remembered when Belphie actually killed you.

All those times never quite left your mind, and you could still feel the fear you felt in each of those situations. Mammon was the only one of them you felt completely comfortable with anymore, as he was the only one who never seemed to lose control and attempt to harm you.

You decided you wanted to stand up for him like he stood up for you all the time.

"Actually, no, I'm not. What's wrong with you guys?"

Satan's eye twitched, and it was oddly satisfying. You could see all of the brothers about to speak up about what you'd said, though you didn't give them that chance.

"I don't understand why all of you keep calling Mammon a scumbag. Is it because he's greedy? 'Cause if that is the case, then I want to remind you that greed is his sin. He's the avatar of greed. And I mean, why get mad about him for that? As far as I remember, all of you don't ever try to deny your sins."

You didn't feel satisfied just yet, so you decided to continue. You wanted to make them feel just as horrible as you assumed Mammon felt each time they threw those words at him.

"I mean, Lucifer is a stuck-up little bitch with too much pride and he can't ever seem to apologize or see that it's his fault no matter how obvious it is. Leviathan is constantly envious of everything to the point it can be fucking unbearable. Satan has extreme anger issues, and gets angry at the smallest things and Asmo is constantly flirting with people and usually not stopping until he's in their pants. And please, don't even get me started on Beel. Then of course, Belphie just seems to never bother lifting a finger to help anyone. But I never see anyone complaining about all of that, do I? It's not like any of you do anything to deny the sin you are assigned to, so why do you expect Mammon to do it, hmm?"

You raised your eyebrow in a judgemental way, just to add that extra spite. You could clearly see Mammon's shocked expression.

You preferred watching the reactions of the others more though. Beel looked guilty to some degree, Asmo looked offended, Levi and Belphie looked annoyed at the whole thing while Satan and Lucifer looked downright pissed.

You could see that Mammon was about to say something, probably about how he was okay and you should calm down, and Satan looked ready to snap and attack you, again. Though neither of them had the chance to react before Lucifer stood up while slamming his hands down on the table, glaring at you.

"Excuse me? Run that by me again, won't you?"

You'd normally apologize and leave the room to do something else, but you were tired with their bullshit and this just seemed like yet another way you could call them out on it.

So, you gathered up all of your courage and looked Lucifer straight in the eye, glaring at him as well, despite the fact you knew it would have little to no use.

"Or what? Are you going to try and kill me again? Because let me remind you that all of you have attacked me before, except Mammon. Oh, and of course, one of you actually managed to kill me. Remember that, Belphie?" You shot him a mean look, and at least he seemed to have some guilt over the situation.

"And you know, Lucifer probably would have killed me before as well, hadn't it been for Lord Diavolo. Oh, but you never quite did apologize for that, did you? You never apologized to Luke for attacking him either, did you? And it's because you have so much pride. Because you're so high and mighty and you can never do anything wrong, can you? Ah, but nobody ever tells you that, do they? Because they know it's the sin you represent and they know it's a part of who you are."

Lucifer blinked at you, shocked, and nobody else seemed like they were going to say anything either.

"Actually, in my opinion, I think Mammon is the least 'scummy' and 'lowlife' person in this room. And he somehow managed to be the one with the most control. Seriously, at this point I'm certain that you all only ever say those things to him because you all know you're the real lowlives and you're just too pathetic to admit it."

You didn't want to stay there anymore, and since they all seemed to shocked to say or do anything, you stood up and quickly made your way to your room, though it wasn't long until someone was knocking on your door.

"Uh, human..?"

Mammon's voice.

You almost wanted to cry. He didn't usually knock, he preferred to just barge in with his stupidly cheerful attitude that never failed to make you smile.

"You can come in."

You voiced it quietly, a small part of you hoping that he wouldn't hear you and just leave instead, but seconds after he opened the door and let himself in.

He didn't say anything as he sat down next to you on your bed though, most likely trying to figure out what he should say in a situation like this.

What you weren't expecting was to hear the sounds of sobbing.

Worriedly, you say up and moved next to him, concern filling your entire body as you gently put your arms around his shoulders and made him lean on your chest.

"Hey, hey, shh, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

You tried to make your voice as gentle as possible. You weren't entirely sure what to do, but you never liked it when he was sad. His negative expressions and tears always layed heavy on your heart, so much that it was almost unbearable.

"Did- did you mea-mean it-?"

He stuttered out after a few minutes of you running your hand through his hair in an attempt to calm him down. You frowned, not entirely sure which part he was asking about.

"Which part are we talking about specifically?" You questioned him, though you made sure that your voice was soft.

"All of it." As soon as he answered your question, he got out of your embrace only to put his hands around your neck for a hug. You grinned, hugging him back.

"Of course I was. You're the one that's been there for me since I came here, and while I can agree that you don't always make the best decisions, they don't always make the best decisions either. They are your brothers, and they should never be saying things like that to you. Actually, from now on, each and every time they say something mean towards you, I want you to come to me so I can smother you in my love and affection."

Oh shit, fuck, did you just-

"Wait- like- uh- no- uhm- like in a-a, uh-"

He moved away from you, and you wondered if he regretted that considering how red his face was. You'd probably burn your hand if you touched his face at this point.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to say that again."

You gave him a patient smile, wanting him to feel comfortable. You were almost certain that he liked you back, since he wasn't exactly very good at hiding it, but you hadn't wanted to act on it before now incase you made him uncomfortable or that you were wrong.

Though his reaction only made you more certain.

He took a few moments to collect himself, before trying to speak up again, though he didn't seem able to look you in the eyes.

"Do, uh- do you mean like- like in a, uh, a rom-uhm.."

"Romantic?"

You inquired softly, and to your delight he nodded, still not looking at you.

This wasn't exactly a side of him you saw often, since he would usually try and deny anything, but you were happy about it.

You moved to hold his face in your hands, though he still refused to look you in the eyes.

"If you want to. I'm not sure how you feel, since nobody but you can be certain about that, but I know I like you, and wouldn't mind smothering your face in kisses each day."

Your tone was playful, be genuine. You felt his face heat up even more, if that was even possible. He changed the direction of his gaze to look directly into your eyes, and you felt like you would get lost in the ocean his eyes had.

He leaned forward for another hug, and you grinned, barely taking a single second to process it before you were moving your hands to hug him back.

"I like ya too."

You grinned even brighter, squeezing him tighter. You didn't ever want to leave his embrace, and while you knew that you would have to face both his brothers and the world later, it would be a lot easier with him by your side.

[charlotte-headcanons]

Flower name prompts for Charlotte Katakuri and Cracker

Chrysanthemum, Hibiscus, Marigold, Ivy, Violet and Zinnia.

Of course! Thanks for requesting! So excited to get to those flower headcanon asks 💕 enjoy!

CW: violence, death, angst

Chrysanthemum: How does your muse express romantic love? How do they feel about love as a concept?

Since we headcanon Katakuri as aroace, we'll talk about platonic love here, if that's alright! To him, love is all about feeling safe and comfortable. The best indication of his love is when he becomes trusting enough with someone to lean onto them slightly, close his eyes, and rest, spending time with them in comfortable silence. To those he likes, Katakuri will also often bring random trinkets: little gifts, things that he liked or that made him think of the other person. A pearl taken from a defeated pirate crew, a seashell, a picture he found pretty - he'll always give these kinds of things to the people important in his life, hoping that they will like them too.

Cracker is a complicated case. Although he kind of wants romantic love, he doesn't have yet much experience with it, and therefore (although he wouldn't admit it) he's constantly scared of fucking up. While overconfident and loud usually, around someone he likes he changes into a timid, awkward mess. A not obvious but crucial way in which he expresses affection is simply listening to the other person attentively. He's a gloat and yell kind of guy normally, who rarely listens, so once he actually pays attention to the other person...you know he's in pretty damn deep.

Hibiscus: How does your muse view the gentler, daintier things in life? As things worth preserving & caring for, or as things only bound to wither and disappear?

Katakuri likes and protects anything soft and gentle. He will take a step to the side if it means avoiding trampling over a flower, he will pick up a slug from the road to bring it to a safer location. He's a gentle giant, wholesome on the inside, although he has to always make sure he isn't seen doing those things, as it wouldn't work together with his threatening public image he adopts to keep his family safe.

Cracker is like a polar opposite of that. He's a menace wherever he appears, and as we saw in canon, he's absolutely not against destroying an entire forest (with his pure vibes I guess?? The fuck was that technique) just because he can. He'll sometimes pick on those weaker than him, and generally believes that if something's easy to break... Tough luck, natural selection, bitch. The gentler things and people in life need to get the fuck out of his way. Otherwise, they get squashed.

Ivy: What are your muse's views on marriage? Do they believe it is something strictly for love, or an institution rooted in business & social benefits? Do they desire or have they desired to be married?

Answered in detail here! Of course, both are pretty disillusioned in marriage and know well that it doesn't always happen out of love. Katakuri finds it to be a good thing for others but not really something for himself, Cracker on the other hand, would like to get married but only if it's his own choice.

Marigold: Is your muse prone to jealousy? How might they handle envious feelings?

Katakuri is not jealous often, but he does experience envious feelings sometimes. All the time he's lowkey jealous of those who get to live normally, for starters. Rarely, but sometimes he gets jealous over his favorite siblings too: since he doesn't have much free time, whenever he has time to spend with them but they choose to spend time with someone else, he feels something like a sting. He's a quiet-jealous type. Outwardly, he won't say anything, even telling them that it's okay to reschedule. However, he'll (mostly unconsciously) punish himself and them for it by throwing himself into more work and having even less time for them.

Cracker's jealousy is frequent and explosive, especially if he has a crush on someone. His high levels of envy result from his insecurities in the romantic domain; as overconfident as he is, he knows he lacks experience, and hence finds anyone else with experience to be a dangerous rival. He's a territorial guy and will absolutely stare daggers at anyone he deems dangerous, and often no reasoning will work to convince him that he has nothing to worry about.

Violet: How does your muse respond to betrayal?

Betrayed Katakuri is a Katakuri that shuts off. If required by Mama to kill the traitor, he will do so, and then sulk for months. During this time, he'll slip way more into his perfect persona and avoid vulnerability even harder than he did until now. Keeping it all inside, he'll buzz with negative emotions, and snap easily - instantly apologizing to those he snaps at and feeling guilty about it, but not being able to help it. For a visual representation, this meme describes it about perfectly:

For Cracker, it all depends on how close to him the traitor was. If they weren't that close, he'll angrily beat them up to a bloody pulp until they stop breathing, rage for a while, and call it a day. But if he genuinely trusted them, god save Totto Land. He'll make all hell break loose, destroying everything around him out of anger, and might even cry a bit; something that doesn't normally happen to him often.

Zinnia: How has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse? Has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives?

Katakuri can say he's lucky enough to not have lost anyone very close to him yet, being normally able to help it thanks to his precognition and hyperfocused on avoiding risks to his loved ones ever since Brulee got hurt. Of course, he saw plenty of crew members, homies, and Totto Land citizens die, but fortunately, it wasn't yet anyone he'd be really broken over losing. Seeing death all around has kind of numbed him to the idea of dying himself one day (he's completely at peace with that thought) but he's still as terrified of others dying as ever. It feels like his failure every time because if he can foresee something but cannot prevent it... Then it's really on him, right?

Besides that, he has learned to appreciate the lives of those weaker than himself through seeing them fight for survival and die. Seeing their ambitions, seeing some of them smile in their death and other call out the names of their families, it all made Katakuri realize that even the smallest of people have their own great struggles, hopes, dreams. This is something not many of his siblings pay attention to, but Katakuri greatly appreciates regular people and normal everyday life, trying to protect them as much as possible.

If he lost someone very important and close to him, though, Katakuri would basically react the same way he reacted to Brulee getting her scar, except 10 times more strongly. He'd take on even more responsibilities, get overprotective, and try to be in 10 places at once to not ever let something like this happen again. Besides that, he'd visit his loved one's grave way too often, spending every moment of his free time there and actually talking to it to ease the grief he'd feel.

Likewise, Cracker isn't really that close to so many people, so he also didn't yet lose anyone he'd strongly care for, but he saw plenty soldiers and civilians die; and actually caused some deaths, even within his own ranks. To him, seeing weaklings die is kind of a power trip. Death doesn't humble him, it actually feeds his ego: after all, if he's the one surviving, he must be amazing and special.

However, if someone close to him died, Cracker would be devastated. It wouldn't teach him anything good, instead, it would only make him seek out revenge and get obsessed with destruction due to just how pissed at the entire world he'd be. He would be sad, of course, but he wouldn't really know how to accept this emotion, so he'd react with pure, unbridled rage instead.

Thank you for the ask! 💕

[polyadvice]

I have a lot of relationship anxiety, and nothing I try is soothing it

as of about 5 months ago, I entered into a poly relationship with my best friend and her boyfriend. Since starting the relationship, we've agreed to become a triad, so her boyfriend is now also my partner.

I'm basically really struggling with relationship anxiety. I'm trying to be quite proactive about it both with myself - journalling, practicing mindfulness, using CBT to interrupt harmful thought patterns - and with both of them - telling them how I feel, when I'm anxious, what I need when I need it. But I still get this feeling like I'm going to be feeling anxious forever? It's hard finding advice online that relates to specifically poly relationships.

This isn't my first poly relationship, and it's weird because in my previous one I didn't get any of this anxiety. I think, strangely, it might be because this one is actually healthier than the last? We have scheduled meetings, we discuss the relationship often, which I never have before. Although I know it's good and valuable, sometimes bringing up something I need or have been thinking about fills me with dread. I do try and push through that, in a kind of exposure therapy way, but I feel bad because every time I bring something up I end up crying. I know it's important to work through that, but often these situations just compound on my anxiety in the heat of the moment - not only am I anxious about whatever I'm bringing up, but also anxious about myself crying and perhaps making my partners feel guilty about whatever I'm asking for, perhaps forcing themselves into something they don't want.

I trust both my partners and one of the mantras I come back to again and again is that if there was something wrong they would tell me. And that it's not all my responsibility to make this relationship work - all I can do is be honest about how I'm feeling and trust they will be too. But at times the anxiety feels really all-consuming and I get this feeling like it's kind of ruining the relationship.

I suppose my question, after all of this, is whether anyone else has any experience with relationship anxiety within poly relationships? Does it get better? I feel like I'm flying blind. And although I know I can talk to my partners about it, and I do, I think I’m feeling a need for a space or conversation outside of the relationship because of what I mentioned before about compounded anxiety.

There’s a lot of advice out there about how anxiety is made worse by avoiding the thing that makes you anxious, and there’s also a lot of advice out there that says you should bring things up with your partners and talk through them in order to resolve problems like this.

It sounds like you’ve been getting, and taking, a lot of that advice, so I won’t repeat it here. I do want to give you MAJOR kudos for doing all this self-work, for not letting your anxiety hold you back from important relationship conversations, for using CBT and mindfulness and all those other tools. Definitely keep doing that, and be proud of yourself for doing it!

At the same time, there is such thing as “too much of a good thing.” In some cases, an over-emphasis on “processing” and “talking things out” can make a problem worse rather than better. It’s possible that having scheduled meetings and feeling like you need to hash out and give voice to every single negative emotion is causing you to ruminate on them more than necessary. Sometimes it’s okay to just let feelings and experiences pass without giving language to them, constructing a narrative around them, and seeking solutions or reassurance or validation after the fact.

So, if you think it would help, consider scaling back on all these conversations - not because you are indulging your anxiety, but just because they might not be all that necessary. See what it’s like to just let the relationship be what it is, and bring things up organically as you feel they need to be addressed rather than scheduling meetings. (If you think this advice is off base, feel free to ignore it!)

Also, one key thing to note that if you are dealing with this sort of chronic, long-term anxiety that doesn’t seem to go away even when you’re doing everything right - engaging in healthy behaviors, cultivating healthy relationships - that is exactly the sort of situation that medication was meant for! You might not be able to Mantra and Mindfulness your way out of this, nor do you have to. This might not be an issue with polyamory or your relationships at all, and you can find support outside of focusing on How To Be Better At Polyamory By Brute Force. Consider working with a mental healthcare professional to find ways to make things easier on yourself.

If you find yourself crying during hard conversations, but you don’t want your partners to focus on your crying and feel like it distracts from the issue you’re trying to discuss, you can also write them letters or emails to express things. That way you can say what you want to say without having to worry about managing your emotional reactions. A lot of people emphasize the importance of “face to face” conversations, but it sounds like these scheduled meetings and frequent emotional check-ins are making things harder, not easier, for you. See if it works for you and your partners to chat more casually over a text-based platform or for you to share writing with them that expresses how you feel.

Another piece of advice I have is, if you are going to keep having these structured discussions, try to set goals or intentions for the conversation going forward. If you’re not asking them to change anything about their behavior, but you just want to share your feelings and be heard, state that up front. If you are asking a specific question you want an honest answer for, or if you are bringing up a problem you want to find a solution for, let them know. Don’t just set aside an hour to talk about feelings and relationship stuff, and then spiral around and around. I’ve seen this happen a LOT, and even with the best of intentions, it tends to cause more problems than it solves.

Finally, you asked if anyone has experience with this and whether it gets better: I can only speak for myself, but I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder (a pretty severe case, too) and I can tell you that, yes, this type of anxiety is possible to manage. It is not, however, fully manageable or treatable by focusing on it in lots of relationship conversations. Sometimes, paradoxically, the harder you try to solve a problem like this, the worse it gets. You also need some distractions, self-soothing techniques, and just fun quality time with yourself and your partners. You might also need therapy (not focused on your relationship, but for anxiety management in general) and medication.

As for finding places to talk about this outside of your partners, that’s a great idea - a place to vent, process, ask questions, etc. without placing extra demands on the relationship. I’d recommend checking out some online spaces for polyamorous people (you can find some here.) However, know that anxious or negative thoughts can be reinforced by going over them multiple times, describing them, sharing them with others, etc. So be very careful about how you spend your time in these communities. Are you mostly expressing your painful thoughts, hanging out in the “vent” channels, and giving language to your anxiety? Or are you seeking friendship, connection, and advice?

In general, my advice is to try and let go of your anxiety-about-your-anxiety. Stop treating it like a problem that can be solved with more time, more attention, and more work. Lean in to the things that make you happy in this relationship, and know that you don’t have to ‘address’ every anxious feeling. Find ways to make these relationship conversations easier for yourself (set intentions, do things in writing, scale back on them) and trust your future self to handle things as they arise.