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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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Have you ever had FOMO (fear of missing out)? Sure, I’ll get it quite often cause there’s always so much going on. If so, what's caused it? The last time I got FOMO it was when Blanch and Andrew made plans to have a drink Friday evening a few months ago, but they invited me by the time I was already home for at least a couple of hours. Fortunately for me the hangout never pushed through that day haha. Are you happy with your social life? I’m a lot happier with it given how dismal it used to be. I’ve since reconnected with some high school friends like Ciamae and my relationships with my orgmate friends are stronger than ever. If not, what would you have to do to change that? Have you ever hosted a party? If so, what kind of party was it? No. I don’t want to bear that responsibility lol I feel like I’d be awful at planning it and that I’d turn out to be a lousy host. I’d rather go to someone else’s party.

What's the best thing you can cook yourself? Meh, don’t remind me of my nonexistent cooking skills. Are there a lot of graffiti around your neighbourhood? No. It’s a gated subdivision, so not only is that not allowed, but the people living here probably aren’t into graffiti either. They’ll be pretty common once exiting the main gate of the village, though. What kind of a phone do you have? iPhone 8. What kinds of stuff do you have on your keychain? I only have the keys to my car and front door. I used to have a rainbow Mickey Mouse that Gabie got for me as well as a UP keychain thingy, but both of them fell off at some point so I stopped including non-key things on my keychain because I was really sad about losing those trinkets. Have you ever made something with your own hands that you're proud of? Yeah. I forgot which province that was in – I think it was Vigan? – but they had a pottery factory that we visited and I was able to make my own small vase. I wasn’t able to take it home because they said firing it would take a couple of days, so I only have a photo of my work as a souvenir. If so, what is it? ^ I’m pretty sure I already posted a photo of that vase on one of my surveys; I just don’t know if this is also the exact survey I answered before lol. What is your favourite Jack Lemmon film? I haven’t watched any of his work. I’ve always wanted to see The Apartment though. What is your favourite David Hyde Pierce film? Unfamiliar name so I had to look him up...andddd after Google I’ve learned I haven’t watched any of his work. A bit of an impressive portfolio though. Have you ever made your own soda? (Soda Stream doesn't count!) No. Do you have a hobby that forces you out of the house? If so, what is it? I don’t feel forced out of the house by it lol but I do love going to museums and trying out new restaurants and what food they have to offer. It’s not as demanding as having Pokemon Go as a hobby as I like doing either on my own time. Have you ever been part of a theater group? No. If so, did you get any lead roles or mostly supporting roles? Which IM app do you use the most? Messenger. For a brief period during the quarantine my friends and I gave Telegram a shot since they also have games in there, but that only lasted like two weeks since the game bots were too wonky. What's the most ecological thing you do? I think it would be segregating my trash. I’ve forgotten most of the things my old school taught me but that’ll forever stay etched in my head, and I’m really grateful that my university also has separate trash bins to allow me to continue the practice, because so many other public areas don’t. My former music teacher, Ms. Ettie, also taught us to ‘save the polar bears.’ It’s essentially lessening your paper consumption by always folding your notebook leaves in half, but she’s always used ‘saving the polar bears’ with us both as an easy way for us to remember, and because it’s a cute way to put it. What's your favourite board game? Why do you like it best? I don’t really like playing lots of board games and I don’t get to encounter them much either. I always end up having a hard time following any of them – especially the new ones that seem to have much more rules :/ – and board games are too expensive these days anyway. Besides English, what other languages can you speak? Filipino. Besides English, what other languages can you read? Filipino. I’ve also been learning Spanish on Duolingo, but I’m still very rusty and despite being familiar with many words and phrases it’s still hard for me to read complete sentences altogether. Do you think you could make it as a chef? No, the kitchen and I have never been friends. This has baffled me for a long time because both sides of my family are known for their cooking, and my own dad is a chef. I dunno what happened to me or my siblings or cousins lol. What's your favourite kind of tea? Unhealthy, sweet, artificial/powdered iced tea. I also like the tea they give out at fancy hotels that are hot, thick, and almost taste like nothing since they make me feel fancy hahaha but I don’t get to have them a lot, so. How do you like your tea? ^ Just the first one I mentioned. I’m not much of a tea girl so the powdered iced teas are already enough for me. What thing/person/happening has made you the happiest you've been? There’s been many things that have made me extremely happy but I suppose I haven’t been as happy as the time I passed my dream school and the time I asked Gab out again and she said yes. Girls, do you ever just say "Fuck it!" and go without a bra? Yes. It’s hardly noticeable whether I’m wearing a bra or not because my chest is really tiny, and in fact it looks even more unnatural when I wear a bra because all of them are just too big for me, even the ones with the smallest cup sizes. Because of that I can alllllllways get away without wearing a bra in school and no one would bat an eye. What's the most freeing thing you've ever done? So far it’s been driving out of town by myself. Have you ever had a restaurant dish that was made with bugs? Unfortunately no. They had bug dishes in Vigan but the menu said their availability would depend on if they’re in season, and unfortunately we were there at a time when they had no bug dishes and I had to settle with the next most exotic thing they had, frog legs. The next place I wanna get to try bugs in is definitely Thailand. If not, would you even want to try one? Yup, I just said I do. Do you think today's kids are really impatient? In the same way that adults are. A lot of kids are exposed to the internet now, so I suppose they’re influenced to be impatient a lot quicker what with the possibility of their videos buffering, websites loading slowly, and other factors like those. But then again I don’t know if I’m making sense; I haven’t had to handle and observe a young kid in years. Have you ever tasted birch sap? Nope.

How about the young buds/shoots of spruce trees? I haven’t. Which edible flowers have you tasted? I don’t think I’ve tried any of them? And answering no to the last three questions has made me realize how inexperienced of a foodie I still am haha. What has been your worst restaurant experience? I can think of three but there were always external reasons as to why they were bad.

Mad Mark’s was really bad and we had to follow-up so many times for each of our meals AND our check, but I’m not as resentful towards them since one of the seemingly only two servers present was pregnant.

Barcino’s service was also quite awful and we waited an hour for our food, but we forgave them since it was Valentine’s and the place was ridiculously busy.

Probably the worst experience comes from a family dinner at Shakey’s, but only because it was my parents’ fault. I had no problem at all with the service but I think my mom and dad just decided to be extraordinarily snippy that evening and criticize every single thing our server – and eventually, the manager – did. It was really embarrassing and I remember spontaneously crying out of frustration at their childish behavior lol. We ended up walking out with my mom sneering “your service sucks” to the manager and me giving him an apologetic look. It was so brutally embarrassing, eugh.

What's the most immature, adolescent thing that still makes you laugh? Probably Pewdiepie jokes. Have you ever had a life threatening condition? If so, what was it? Nope. Do you ever compare your life to somebody else's? If so, why? Eh, it’s something we can’t help but do sometimes. What is a food item or a dish you absolutely cannot stand? Fruitcake or food for the gods. Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? Not me personally, but I’ve ordered t-shirts with custom prints back in high school for our events. What does your favourite mug look like? I really only have one mug and I’ve described it so many times on here, so I just looked for it on Google this time and this is what it looks like. The design turns blue when the beverage inside is hot, and it gradually fades back to black as it cools down.

Do you ever copy surveys to Facebook Notes and share your answers? Mmm nope. I’ve only taken surveys and posted them on my Tumblr. What's the best thing about today? I found out Keeping Up with the Kardashians is coming to Netflix by June and I CANNOOOOOOOT be any more excited for it haha. Do you ever read other people's survey answers? Yes, always. Everyone I follow on here writes very well and it’s always interesting to read their answers :) Do you like daytime or night time better? Why? Nighttime. I don’t really like the sun and I’ve found the nightlife more suitable to my personality, interests, vibe, etc. What's your highest level of education so far? I’m taking up an undergraduate degree but I’m supposed to be graduating this year. The schedule is still wonky due to coronavirus, but I have hope in graduating. I still 130% don’t know if I will be taking up law but I’ve had family and friends lightly nagging me to try taking law school entrance exams in 2021. If you could have any job in the whole world, which would you like? A travel blogger/vlogger. Describe your ordinary day. Back when life was still...normal, I’d drive 1-1.5 hours before my first class so I can beat the traffic, but usually I’d still end up in bad traffic because that’s Metro Manila for you. What I would do on my free time depends; if my schedule was freer I’d go to Skywalk to hang with friends, but sometimes I’ll have errands to run like printing something at the internet cafe. I have nearly-daily meetings in the afternoon so I’ll have to go to those too; and then 1-2 times a week I’ll drive to Ortigas so I can see my girlfriend. It was a very hectic schedule and I miss it a lot. Would you ever have a UV tattoo? A what now? What is the brand and colour name of your favourite lipstick? I don’t have one. What do you like on your tortilla? Just whatever goes on a fajita. I don’t really have tortillas much. How about inside your pita bread? ^ All the same, just whatever goes in a shawarma as it’s one of my favorite food. What do you like in your burger? I answered this in a previous survey but I wouldn’t hesitate to order a burger if a menu says it has caramelized onions, brioche buns, and some kind of secret special sauce because that always makes me curious haha. I’ll sometimes go for bacon, jalapeño, or eggs too, but not always. How about on your pizza? I only ever order quattro formaggi; I never have the heart to order anything else as it’s my favorite variety of pizza heh. Would you ever take part in a games club? Probs not as it’s not really my hobby. If so, what would be your ideal club? I dunno, this question is quite vague haha. I suppose if there’s an club or org that bands together people who love history, debates about it, or likes watching documentaries on different history topics, I’d jump on it. Would you be able to give a speech on your favourite subject right now? Sure. We used to have several impromptu speech exercises in my public speaking class and no matter how much I dreaded each of them I always did quite well, so I got convinced that I must have some sort of talent or skill in it that I never got to discover until I had that class. Do you work better alone or in a group? Depends on what needs to be done. If there’s a video that needs to be done or a poster that has to be made, I’d be much more comfortable if I was in a group cause then someone else could take over those tasks.

Are you more comfortable as a leader or a follower? It also depends. If I like the topic or task we’re given, I have no problem leading the group. Which one of your friends have you known the longest? For how long? Angela, 15 years. What is your favourite song right now at this very moment? It’s a local song called Sino by Unique Salonga. It’s not a recent song anymore, but I came across a fan video of Unique performing it in a gig and just fell in love with it all over again.

#survey #surveys

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vaguely-concerned · 5 years ago

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I am reading the Rogue One visual guide and I’m going to ramble at you about it

Starting with Baze and Chirrut facts because nothing is more important than Baze and Chirrut

- The Guardians of the Whills believe very deeply in the Force but their cosmology doesn’t center any fight between light and dark and they believe mortal minds can ‘encompass the totality of the Force’ with the right training (seemingly even for non-Force sensitives). *thinks of a little green baby who’s going to need some help with his place in the universe one day and how reductive the light/dark side dichotomy can be* good to know good to know. yes everything eventually comes down to baby yoda and his poor stressed out dad. protect them

- “Opposites in balance. Chirrut Îmwe and Baze Malbus share a homeworld and a history, although they strike a compelling contrast. Baze is a hardened pragmatist, while Chirrut’s faith flourishes even in trying times. They both claim to act as the protector of the other.”

in every way they are #goals. bffs/partners to lovers is Everything. ‘They both claim to act as the protector of the other’ is very funny and very sweet and very true; my favourite thing

- this book describes chirrut as baze’s ‘best friend and moral compass’, which is a funny way of spelling ‘husband of 30 years’ but who am I to criticize

- baze is just. he’s so good. they say here pragmatism is his biggest trait but you can tell how much love has been at the center of him (and probably continues to be under it all) from the totality of his rage. I don’t think you can be this deeply hurt without loving just as deeply first. (like chirrut says, he used to believe more than anyone and now he’s thrown aside literally everything about the guardians except chirrut) it’s like he’s suffered a moral wound just seeing what’s happened to his home and it won’t heal and it never does, he just loses chirrut too and then at least it’s over. jesus christ it’s so soul crushingly sad in a quiet undramatic way

- “Though both are Guardians of the Whills, Baze and Chirrut could not be more different in their approach to combat. Traditionalist Chirrut still carries weapons associated with the ancient order, while Baze adopts an implement of modern warfare. Their methods suit them individually, and both are effective extensions of their distinctive personalities. Though Baze may chide Chirrut for his antiques, and Chirrut may decry Baze’s reliance on soulless tools, they trust each other’s defences to such weapons.”

THEY TRUST EACH OTHER’S DEFENCES TO SUCH WEAPONS. YOU HAD TO WORD IT LIKE THAT HUH. YOU HAD TO GO AND MAKE IT CLEAR THEY’RE EACH OTHER’S MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. WHAT. THE FUCK

- it’s implied baze’s hair used to be shorter when he was a Guardian! he’s just let it grow past what’s customary for them (and an excellent choice too his hair is wonderful)

- his repeating blaster is described as ‘modified and highly illegal’ hahaha

it also weighs 30 kg and is meant to be mounted on a tank

baze is the best

- chirrut built his own lightbow! apparently used to be a thing the guardians did to symbolize the end of their training. I wonder if baze used to have one too? even more I wonder if they’ve always been part of the same uh ‘divisions’ or what have you within the guardians, because I think there are some implications that baze has been more of an assassin/focused on violent conflicts even before the empire came and chirrut hasn’t

- this book does not adequately capture chirrut’s trickster/funny side, making me wonder how much of that was an addition by the actor and how much was planned out

- honestly... more baze & chirrut (well baze/chirrut let’s not play here) prequel books WHEN. what does their living room look like (because we do know they live together) how did they meet, when exactly did baze lose his faith and chirrut his sight, what was their first kiss like

inquiring minds want to know (it’s me I want to know)

- unless the wording is deliberately misleading here chirrut was not born blind (though he won’t discuss how he ended up this way) and he’s learned his current fighting technique over a prolonged period of time

- bodhi is a bit of a gambling addict! and specifically one who’s pretty good at it; even after the empire knows he’s a defector he gets past their restrictions because he’s saved up all the credits/favours/even id-vouchers he’s owed by other imperial grunts fsdhfksdjf precious I love him

- saw gerrera’s medical droid a) has been modified so its programming won’t stop it from being able to dispense drugs at dangerous intervals, b) professes sheer bafflement that saw is still alive and c) is ‘frequently deactivated to prevent it from building an ethical case to discontinue treatment’. I find the whole thing darkly hilarious.

- there are literally whole subplots going on in the crowd scenes on Jedha about a mad evil surgeon who ‘decraniates’ people (essentially turning them into mindless servile husks with all of their head above the nose cut off, somehow), a masked cop from the Milvayne Authority who’s gone rogue to do the right thing and hunt him down against orders, a death cult, a bunch of different religious sects, a translation droid who has befriended a group of local orphans and shares his credits with them so they can eat and he’s SAVING UP FOR A PROCESSOR UPGRADE SO HE CAN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF SPIRITUALITY ;_____; what the fuck I want a tv-series about this droid IMMEDIATELY

- this book shows you just how crucial K-2 is as an asset and what a masterstroke cassian’s reprogramming of him is... and it says some very, very sweet things about cassian as a person under all the trauma and spy stuff that he essentially treats him as his best friend instead of a tool. cASSIAN he deserved to survive and have SO much therapy ;_____; ah well at least we’re getting a prequel series about him right? pls be good

- oh cassian was a proper separatist during the clone wars! he probably has some very interesting points of view about the republic pre- and post empire huh (this is what I love about the clone wars era; they have built SUCH a believable and interesting political world here, all shades of grey. there were separatists with very valid points even thought they were lead by a guy named COUNT DOOKU played by CHRISTOPHER LEE, the first sign that you should look inwards and ask yourself... wait are we the bad guys)

- it’s so much more understandable to me now who in the rebel leadership is for following jyn’s plan and who is not. (namely: the ministers of finance and industry are both Not Into challenging the empire directly, kind of understandably)

in depth description of weapons technology... I sleep. deep dives into the political structure of the alliance leadership and their backgrounds and motivations? I have never been happier

(this. sort of should have been in the actual movie tho things would have made more sense)

- BAIL ORGANA Leia’s actual dad out there lookin’ fiiine, being righteous and good, almost making me forget he’s going to die SO SOON oh fuck :(

- orson krennic is, presumably straight faced, described as ‘a cruel but brilliant man’ which is PATENTLY LUDICROUS because krennic is by literally every indication a fucking idiot, he needs galen to do all the real work for him, he mouths off to DARTH VADER and then tarkin just effortlessly swoops in and fucks him over in the end, easily outmaneuvering him... orson krennic is a fucking loser I don’t care if he’s the one who introduced brutalist architecture to coruscant

lol lol lol *arrow pointing towards krennic’s head* ‘Keen mind dissects architectural puzzles and conspiratorial plots’ okay I see what happened here orson krennic wrote this book

- oh galen erso is kind of one of the most interesting and heartbreaking characters in all of star wars. (and I do not say this just because of mads mikkelsen’s cheek bones) he’s incredibly intelligent but from a really poor family and wanted to eliminate the difference between rich and poor and invent a new form of infinitely renewable energy... and technically he did achieve that, except his old college buddy orson krennic immediately found a way to use his technology for genocide and he didn’t realize until it was too late :’) there is something so comforting in the fact that in the end galen still got the last laugh in the most epic but unsung way. he’s the sort of quiet Magnificent Bastard who doesn’t even care he’ll never get the credit as long as it worked. u did good on that one jyn

also several of the scientists galen is leading on eadu are in the same category as him -- captured and forced to work for the empire. so that’s great and not at all upsetting

- galen and lyra’s falling in love story is kind of sweet (though naturally it pales against baze and chirrut’s whole deal but then who could compare) and the sheer effort and detail that’s gone into building the farmstead in the beginning we end up seeing for 5 minutes... dude (it feels very convincingly like somewhere a family would live though)

- *sees that ‘databook’ is a concept that exists apparently; groans in fic research I thought ‘holodisc’ might do the job but maybe this is a better fit*

- I will say that my largest gripe with this movie is how glaringly unnecessarily male it is. there’s literally no reason for most of the rebels and ESPECIALLY all of the scientists to be male but here we are.

well the stormtroopers could all canonically be any gender behind the armor so uh that’s. something lol

- despite being all desert-y jedha is apparently quite cool! temperature-wise I mean though the huge ancient statues lying everywhere are pretty awesome too

- wow stormtrooper armor really does just suck huh. it’s like��‘well it might protect you from a blaster bolt if you stand upwind and angle yourself just right, who knows’. I guess this is why everyone and their grandmothers are drooling over mando’s beskar lol

- star wars’ insistence on sticking to single-biome planets is so silly and I love it. stick to that incomprehensible world building decision lucasfilm I respect you

- mon mothma! basically the most important character in the star wars universe who most people won’t know about lol she’s like the anti-palps. for the most part she is one of the most Big Goods in all of star wars (along with bail) but also she’s played by the actress who voices moira in overwatch so I do instinctively distrust her whenever I hear her talk haha. called palpatine a ‘lying executioner’ to his face which is both admirably bold and remarkably restrained, considering all the things palpatine is.

- oof the two people mentioned the most on anakin/vader’s pages are palpatine and obi wan. that’s. hurtful and bad and awful. the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making me watch ‘clone wars’ because watching ‘clone wars’ actually made me care about anakin skywalker :(

-ah shit this is a lot of pages about pasty empire dudes i’ll uh come back to these lol

#first post of 2020! keeping it on rambling brand into the new decade #star wars #rogue one #baze x chirrut #meta #if you're here for information about baze's hair and how overwatch has coloured my view of a star wars character...#boy have I got a post for you lol

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parkaiur · 6 years ago

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Perfection - Jihoon

❀ Comedy + fluff + a dash of angst

❀ Word count: 6.2 K

❀Being in love with your best friend sucks when they don’t feel the same about you. Once you think you will be pining over him forever, a new boy moves to your school and happens to share all the same classes as you. You start to become entranced with his cute face and fun personality, soon making you forget about the previous boy, or have you?

❀A/N: switching to first pov to see which i like more lol so dont attack me,,, also im sorry for making these fics so long lsakdjfas idk if ppl like long fics or short fics so some feedback would be nice >.< thank u all for supporting me on my last fic as well ! :D hope u enjoy this one <3

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I rode into the school parking lot, rolling my eyes at the loud music playing throughout school. Every Friday morning, the school blared loud music inside and outside the school which I despised. I groaned and parked my car crookedly-- I was a terrible driver.

“Wow, just another Friday morning.” My next door neighbor, Seunghun grumbled while getting out of the car. We had been neighbors ever since we were kids, and once we hit high school, Seunghun had to start driving me places since he was one year older than me. Of course, now that I was older, we took turns.

“I can’t wait to get out of this place.” I groaned while downing my coffee. I could never function without it. Seunghun patted me on the back. “You still have two years kid. Junior year is the suckiest too but at least it’s almost winter break.”

I sighed and tried to ignore the rambunctious teenagers that were screaming and dancing to the music. That was just embarrassing.

“Well, well, well, good morning to you two.” I jumped at the sudden deep voice behind me but my heart jumped when I saw who it was. “Oh, it’s just you.” I joked. Seunghun laughed loudly and poked Hyunsuk teasingly.

“Why do I even bother anymore?” Hyunsuk rolled his eyes playfully while walking next to my side. I felt warm at his close proximity, my face probably turning red as time ticked by. But of course, they were dudes, they didn’t notice.

Seunghun and I had been friends since we were in diapers, but I’d only thought of him as an older brother figure in my life, and he thought of me as a little sister. Hyunsuk had transferred to our high school during my freshman year of high school. Hyunsuk and Seunghun were both in dance club and in the same math class-- they immediately clicked. And somehow we all became best friends that told each other everything.

Except that I had a big fat crush on Hyunsuk.

“School dance tickets are now available at the register! Go get your tickets now!” I saw the president of leadership shout these words through the commons. I tried not to flinch at the volume. Seunghun giggled childishly at my reaction while I pinched his side. “Hey! Don’t hurt me.” He gave me a cute frown which made me resist pinching him again. I knew he could tickle me to death if he wanted to.

Hyunsuk then smirked and hit Seunghun’s shoulder playfully. “Hey, aren’t you taking Hyemi to the dance?” Seunghun’s demeanor immediately changed from confident to shy. Hyunsuk gripped my shoulder to keep him from laughing out loud. I felt empty when he set his hand down to his side once again.

“Shut up, I haven’t even asked her yet.” Hyunsuk and I gasped dramatically at Seunghun’s revelation. “Kim Seunghun, the dance is a few Saturdays from today, how dare you!” I faked being shocked while Hyunsuk played along with me. Seunghun rolled his eyes and kept on walking. He was so done my and Hyunsuk’s antics.

Seunghun then wiggled his eyebrows and punched the other boy on the shoulder. “Enough about me, I heard a little something through the grapevine that Hyunsuk is asking Kyungmi to the winter formal.”

My heart dropped at the news, but I kept a playful smile on my face. I hoped it wasn’t faltering. “Wait, what? Why haven’t I heard about this?” I punched his shoulder while he cringed at the pain.

I took a peak at Hyunsuk’s expression which was cheeky and mysterious. He was never the type to get flustered when it came to girls. The older boy adjusted his jacket and wiggled his eyebrows at the both of us.

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.” He said suspiciously while fixing his hair. I felt my hopes getting lower and lower at his statement. Hyunsuk shook his head and slung an arm around my shoulder. I held in my yelp of surprise.

This is normal, friends do this. Don’t make it weird.

“How about you, y/n? Who are you taking to the winter formal? Any boys been lining up at your door?” I snorted and took his arm off of me so that my heart would stop doing little flip flops.

I took a sip of my coffee and shook my head. “Nope, sorry, I’m the one with the boring love life in this circle.” I tried to not let my voice sound disappointed. I felt Seunghun pinch my cheeks. “Aw, y/n, it’s fine, I’m sure someone will ask you soon.”

Most juniors and seniors had dates to the winter formal and if you didn’t, you were basically seen as a loser. I was going to be a loser, but honestly I didn’t care about being one. If I wasn’t going with Hyunsuk, I didn’t want a date at all.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind going alone.” Lie. I didn’t want to go at all. I knew Hyunsuk was going to pluck up the courage to ask Kyungmi and I didn’t want to see that happen. Nor did I want to fifth wheel the two of them.

Hyunsuk pouted and looked over at Seunghun. I was scared the two of them were planning something. “Are you sure? We probably have a few guy friends we could set you up with.” I saw his hopeful expression which broke my heart into tiny pieces and I shook my head. “Seriously, it’s fine, I don’t need one and I don’t want one.” My voice came out harsher than expected which made the two boys freeze. I heard the bell ring, meaning we had to now separate and go to class.

“Truly, I’m not upset about it, just leave it be. I can have fun by myself anyways.” I patted the two of them on the back and scurried to class.

As I plunked down in my seat for history, I released a sigh of relief. Most days I felt normal around the two of them, but whenever they brought up relationships or dating, I tried to avoid it at all costs.

I plugged in my earbuds, getting ready to drone out whatever the teacher was saying. I had already read the chapter for this week so my first period was about to become snooze town.

Before I could turn on my music, I heard a group of girls enter the classroom giggling and laughing about something. I was about to tune them out til I caught a sliver of their conversation.

“No way, he’s going to ask you? Shut up!”

“Yeah, he just texted me and asked me to meet him after school!” I felt my heart drop as I turned and saw Kyungmi gossiping to her friends. Of course, Hyunsuk already decided to act fast since Kyungmi was one of the prettiest girls in the junior class.

“Hyunsuk is asking you? I seriously thought he was dating y/n.” A wave of silence washed over the group until I heard a few chuckles.

I felt anxiety creep into my system and I quickly wanted to turn my attention away from the situation.

“Oh no! They’re just friends. I mean, y/n is a nice girl but...” I heard her whisper the last part. “But I mean, she just isn’t Hyunsuk’s type, you know what I mean?”

I clicked the play button on my playlist, refusing to let tears fall in this dingy high school classroom.

I dosed off in class, feeling the soft voice of Dean drift me to sleep. Suddenly, I felt someone kick my desk, jolting my eyes open. The teacher pulled out my earbuds which irked me to no ends. I hated when anyone touched my earbuds and I felt the urge to smack my teacher’s hands right then and there.

“Ah, glad you could join us miss y/n.” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes when I saw an unfamiliar boy staring at me. He had round eyes that had sort of an edge to them, making him seem mischievous yet innocent. He was wearing a white hoodie and blue jeans which made him look good. I couldn’t help he was eye candy. “This, is our new student Park Jihoon.” He smiled at me and I gave my best smile back, which was my most awkward one.

“Um... cool.” I noted lamely, unaware of the situation. I heard a few giggles throughout the classroom. Mr. Kim kept his anger in.

He cleared his throat and directed my eyes to Jihoon. “I told Jihoon to sit next to the empty desk next to yours, but unfortunately, you were not awake to hear that. Also, mister Jihoon also happens to have the same schedule as yours, so you’ll automatically be his guide for school. Now, onto the second world war.” My jaw dropped as the teacher nonchalantly told me I had to be the guide for Jihoon.

It’s not like I hated the guy or anything, but being a guide for someone at my school means that I had to basically baby sit him. I had to include him in my friend group, talk with him during class, and make him feel welcome essentially. Usually people had to sign up for it, but I never did. I never liked the hassle. But apparently my luck keeps getting worse and worse as the day went on.

“Hey,” I heard the boy next to me whisper. I turned to my right and saw Jihoon looking at me with bright eyes. I felt my heart waver at his cute stare.

“Do you have a pencil I could borrow? I stupidly left mine at home.” He whispered. I nodded and tossed him an extra that he skillfully caught. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” I whispered back. This time, I didn’t plus my earbuds back in.

-----

Class seemed like it ended sooner than usual.

“So have you always gone to this high school?” Jihoon nonchalantly started conversation with me, which made me envious of him. I had never been the type to make friends so easily.

I lowered my head so that he could see my entire face. “Um, yup. Been going to school with basically the same people since elementary school.” His face scrunched up in disgust and I let out a bark of laughter. “Yeah, it’s as horrible as it sounds.”

I noticed lots girls were staring at the new boy who was standing next to me, a nobody with two hot best friends. I tried to not look at the crowd but it was hard.

“So, math next. Love that subject.” He grit his teeth and pretended to look angry. I let out a small chuckle at his childish antics. I couldn’t help my laughter, he was a funny dude. He gave me a small smile in return. “I hate math too, it’s my worst subject.” He nodded but narrowed his eyes at me.

“That’s surprising considering you seemed like you were falling asleep throughout our entire history period.” I gasped at his accusation while he rolled his eyes. “Ok, in my defense, I already read the chapter, I don’t need to pay attention. I’m only there ‘cause our ass of a teacher has attendance as 20% of our total grade.”

Jihoon’s eyes widened while I patted him on the back, a habit I picked up from being around Hyunsuk and Seunghun too often. Jihoon didn’t seem to mine it though. “Yeah, I know, that’s I just sleep in it. He usually doesn’t even care besides today since you showed up.”

Jihoon shrugged and said nothing else as we walked to our next class.

---

The day went by quickly and soon it was nearing the last period of the day.

“Hey, y/n!” I heard Hyunsuk yell my name faintly across the busy hallway. I felt my heart jolt a bit in surprise as I stopped in the hallway. Before I could explain to Jihoon who was yelling my name, he was running at me at full speed.

Hyunsuk quickly embraced me in a hug, twirling me around. “AAAH HYUNSUK, LEMME DOWN!” I shouted into his ear, yet I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. As Hyunsuk set me down, he locked eyes with Jihoon. “Oh, uh, hey, I’m Hyunsuk, you one of y/n’s friends?” Hyunsuk obnoxiously wiggled his eyebrows which made my mood deflate. I hated when he teased me about other boys, even though I knew it wasn’t his fault he didn’t know my feelings.

Jihoon didn’t tease me but instead laughed and shook Hyunsuk’s hands. “Actually she’s my guide, but I’m sure we’ll be close friends by the end of the day.” Jihoon winked in my direction which made my cheeks turn a bright red.

Hyunsuk gasped and slapped me on the shoulder. Suddenly, I felt Hyunsuk pull me closer to him protectively. My blush, that was already bright pink, deepened at the contact. “Gasp, the only people y/n is close with is with me and Seunghun, the tall blonde tree over there.” Jihoon peaked over my shoulder to take a look at Seunghun. “Huh, interesting.” Jihoon mumbled.

I felt Hyunsuk’s arms grow looser around my body which made me sigh in relief. Jihoon raised a brow at me but said nothing to my odd behavior.

“Hyunsuk, over here!” I saw another group of boys calling Hyunsuk over which meant he was leaving me. He gave me a pat on the back and glared at Jihoon before walking away. “I’m watching you boy, no funny business with y/n or else you’ll...” Hyunsuk did the cutting neck motion to which Jihoon responded with raised brows. Hyunsuk ran over to the other guy and molded quickly into the group. He was always really good at fitting in.

I noticed Jihoon was already looking at me when I turned to meet his gaze. “Um, sorry about that, Hyunsuk and Seunghun, the tree, are sort of protective of me. We’ve been friends for a long time now.” I explained to him. Jihoon gave me a soft grin.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and glanced over to Hyunsuk. “So, does he know that you like him?” I choked on my own spit at his accusation. Wait, what? How did he guess that?

Lie. You have to lie. “Um, what? I do not like Hyunsuk.” I spat out fake laughter and shook my head nervously. Ok I was a terrible liar.

Jihoon gave me the look. That look someone gives you when they’re calling you on your bullshit. I sighed and gave in. “Ok, yes, maybe I do have a tiny crush on him but he doesn’t know, and he shall never know, got it?” I glared at the taller boy as he raised his hands in surrender.

“I’ll never tell another living soul, you’re secret is safe with me.” He pretended to zip his lips and throw away the key, making me chuckle in response.

We walked into our English class together, sitting near the back of the class, where I usually sat.

Jihoon abruptly turned to me. “Ok.. are you always this angsty? You sit at the back of classroom with your hood up and earbuds in in every single class. You act like you don’t know anything but somehow you answer every question a teacher asks you right.” He moved closer to you. He gently whispered in my ear, “and you fall for your best friend and never risk telling him because hmmm you’re probably too scared to get too close to somebody. What’s your story?”

I should be getting upset at his mention of my crush, but all I could focus on was how close he was to me. Snap out of it, y/n, your hormones are just whack because all the guys you see are Seunghun and Hyunsuk. Chill.

I leaned back in my chair, trying to calm my racing heart. His face wasn’t judgmental, but rather curious. “Hm, that’s a loaded question, or questions I guess. I don’t know how to describe my angstyness or where it came from. Also I can’t give you a reason as to why I like who I like and why I choose to hide it besides that it’s embarrassing.” I said the last two words louder and smacked his arm playfully. He laughed and clutched it like he was in pain.

“Ouchhhh,” He whined and held it out to me. “Kiss it and make it feel better.” He jutted out his plump bottom lip to act cute. I gasped and hit his arm again.

He, in return, laughed and pulled his arm away. “See, we’re practically best friends now.” He said softly. I had nothing to say because the teacher started class already but I had to admit, he had a way at making my cold facade warm.

------

It was the end of the day, finally, and Jihoon and I parted our separate ways. We exchanged numbers and he made me promise I wouldn’t drop him after the first day. To be honest, I don’t think I could if I tried.

I walked to the parking lot, my familiar hood up and earbuds in. Even though I expected it, I felt two hands on my shoulder that pushed off of me, making me stop in surprise. I paused my music and took out my earbuds to face an excited Hyunsuk and Seunghun.

“What-”

They both slung an arm around me, which made me greatly suspicious. “So, boy.”

“Dude.”

“Guy.”

“Male.”

“Cute boy.”

“Nice boy.”

“Funny-”

“Oh would you two shut up?” I shoved them away and walked faster to the car. I heard them both laughing, even though their teasing wasn’t that funny. Especially when I still had feelings for Hyunsuk.

“Aw c’mon, it’s just I’ve never seen you with other guys... or other people besides us... willingly... like ever.” Hyunsuk babbled. Seunghun nodded in agreement. “He’s right. You always keep to yourself, I swear you were never going to make friends with anyone besides us your entire high school career.” Seunghun admit. I rolled my eyes and tried to get in my car. But the two stopped me to question me some more.

Suddenly, in the corner of my eye, I saw Jihoon walking out, probably walking to his car as well. Somehow, the boy caught my eye and immediately waved and smiled. I didn’t want to be rude so I obviously reciprocated his actions. As he turned away, Seunghun and Hyunsuk looked at me with wide eyes.

“Woaaahhhh that was the nicest I’ve ever seen you act to someone. Are you sure you’re y/n??” Hyunsuk pressed his hand to my forehead which now burned because of his gentle touch. “Hey, you’re actually warm. Are you getting sick?” He stood closer to me and examined my face. I could tell he was worried because of his furrowed brows.

Before he could think too much into it, I pulled his hand off. “Maybe I’m warm because I’m so angry at you two for being annoying assholes.” I spat and then proceeded to jump into the drivers seat. “Bye, Hyunsuk.” I pulled out of the driveway quickly and ignored Seunghun’s stare.

“Y/n, are you really getting sick? It’s almost Christmas, I don’t want you to miss out on our annual movie marathon.” Seunghun said, concern laced in his voice. Out of the two boys, I was closer to Seunghun. Yes, I loved Hyunsuk as much as I loved Seunghun, but Seunghun and I had a history together. He got me and I got him. It was painful to keep this secret from him, but knowing Seunghun, he would tell Hyunsuk immediately, not to be a prick, but because he would think it was the right thing to do. And I could never let Hyunsuk know how I feel about him. Ever.

I slapped his hand away playfully. “Shut up, it’s like a month to Christmas, I’ll be fine by then even if I am getting sick. And if I am getting sick, it’s because you two had the smart idea to have a water balloon fight in the middle of December.” Seunghun burst into laughter at the memory. I couldn’t help myself chuckle as well.

“You’re right, I take full responsibility along with Hyunsuk. We will cater to your needs if you do get sick.” He pretended to bow and I just shoved him away. Bantering with him like this felt normal, and I liked normal.

-----

Normal did not last long.

I curled up in my bed, reading to read a trilogy I had been looking forward to getting into during the week. I felt my bed vibrate which signaled that I got a text.

As I saw who the text was from, my eyes widened. “What the heck.” I whispered to myself, praying my parents didn’t hear me having a mental breakdown at 11pm. I took a deep breath and opened the text.

‘what’s fun to do around here? i’m dying of boredom x_x’ I chuckled at the use of his self-made emoji. He even texted cute.

I waited a few seconds to not make me seem eager and replied ‘um... read a book?’

He read it. My heart was pounding. ‘... r u joking?’

I tried to conceal my laughter. ‘no... that’s what im doing right now’

‘wow... how sexy’ This time, I couldn’t help the giggles that flew from my mouth. Hopefully my parents were in deep slumber. ‘too strong?’ He texted back quickly.

‘no, you have the same humor as seunghun and hyunsuk tho lol’

‘wow the same humor as your two besties ,, im flattered’

‘is that sarcasm i detect?’

‘no sarcasm here captain’

I chuckled at his cute humor. I couldn’t help but feel like I’ve known this guy for years, yet I just met him yesterday.

Suddenly, I saw those three dots appear. I gulped in anticipation. ‘are you ok?’ he texted randomly. I furrowed my brows in confusion.

‘why wouldnt i be?’

‘... you know...’

‘???’

‘... hyunsuk asked kyungmi to the dance.’ he deadpanned. Somehow, that thought had completely left my mind. And for some odd reason, I didn’t feel all too upset about it anymore.

Fuck, that’s going on? You like Hyunsuk. You should be feeling upset.

‘oh yeah, im fine, ill get over it tbh’

He read my message, but took a little longer to respond. I grew nervous at his next words.

‘can i call you?’

Suddenly, my conscious just flew out the window. “What the... shoot what do I do?” I whispered to myself. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to call him, or that I was weirded out by it, but because I was nervous.

“Fuck it.”

‘sure’ I waited for him to read the text. I heard my phone ring and I immediately picked it up so my parents wouldn’t hear.

“Hi.” He said. His voice was deeper than usual and I heard lots rustling, meaning he was probably in bed.

“Hey.” I replied back lamely. I had never really done the phone call thing. Seunghun lived right next door to me, so if he wanted to talk, then he would just pop over. Hyunsuk would just drive to one of our houses and force us to hang out with him. I guess I’d never experienced a normal high school friendship.

“So...” He trailed off. I held in my laugh. It seemed like everything he said was funny to me. “So...” I trailed off as well.

“What are you wearing right now?” His voice dropped a few octaves, but his tone made me burst out into laughter. I covered my mouth quickly.

“What the fuck, Jihoon??” I whispered hurriedly. I heard him holding in his laughter as well. “Sorry, it was an innocent question.” He joked.

There was a moment of silence for a second. “Polar bear pajamas.” I finally answered.

“I’m wearing my boxers.” I spat out laughter at his truthful response. “What? Guys don’t really sleep in lots of clothes.” I covered my face, trying to not imagine what he looked like.

“You’re an idiot, Jihoon. But, I need to hang up because you’re making me laugh too hard and my parents are in the room next to me.” I said truthfully. I heard him whine over the phone and I couldn’t almost visualize a pout.

“Then why did you agree to call in the first place?” He whined. “Because, I was curious on what you had to say.” I said truthfully.

He paused for a moment, probably trying to soak in my words. “Good point. But, ok, I’ll let you go then so your parents don’t hunt me down for making their daughter laugh.” I bit my lip, hiding a smile at the declaration.

“Goodnight.” He whispered softly.

“Goodnight, Jihoon.” I waited a few moments til I hung up the phone, setting it on my counter.

What am I doing? I like Hyunsuk.

-----

I admit, I was a bit nervous to see Jihoon on Monday again. After our talk on Saturday, I felt like we got closer. I’d never bonded with anyone so fast before, well besides Seunghun and Hyunsuk.

I sat down in our history class and listened to music. I felt a tug on my shoulder, which made my eyes shoot open. I was glad he didn’t tug out my earbuds as most people did. I paused my music and set down my phone.

He was wearing an oversized sweater with dark jeans. His hair was styled today and framed his face nicely. “Hey.” He smiled at me. I noticed how his teeth were perfectly straight, meaning he probably just got his braces off. How cute.

“Hey, you do the history reading?” I started the conversation to show I was friendly. He leaned his backpack against his desk and organized all his things on his desk. He narrowed his eyes at me while I chuckled. “What do you think? I was too busy chatting up pretty girls on the weekend.” For some odd reason, I felt my heart sink at that statement.

He was texting other girls besides me? I crinkled my nose awkwardly, a habit I had when I was uncomfortable.

“For the record, the only girl I texted over the weekend as you." I looked into his eyes and saw his eyes softly gaze into mine. His brown eyes looked so doe-like that I wanted to reach over and kiss his cheeks.

Jihoon then switched gears and gave me a goofy smirk to show he was kidding. My nerves died down at his teasing. “Shut up. I’m sure you tell that to all the girls you text.” I fibbed nervously. Jihoon didn’t take his gaze off me when he shook his head. “Think what you want, y/n, but one day you’ll fall for my charms.” He gave me a shy smile that contradicted his confident words.

"Hyunsuk! Stop, just go to class!” The high pitched voice caught my attention with the name of my best friend. I took a look to the door and saw Kyungmi coming in, with Hyunsuk backhugging her. I felt my heart clench as I saw the two together. I knew they had been somewhat “official” after Hyunsuk asked her to the dance and she accepted, but it still felt weird and upsetting.

I felt my mood deflate when looking at them and it was obvious. “Hey.” I heard a faint whisper to my right. I pulled my strong gaze away from the two lovebirds who were laughing loudly and sharing intimate eye contact. Jihoon had his brows furrowed and concerned looking.

“Yeah?” I whispered. I hated people pitying me and tried to play off my sadness as fatigue. Jihoon didn’t fall for it. Instead of speaking, he took my hand and gave it a light squeeze. Usually I hated when people touched me without my permissions... or at all. But with him, it felt normal.

Hyunsuk barely spared me a glance when he was with Kyungmi although he knew my schedule to a T. Or at least I thought he did. I tried to catch his eye, but it was no use.

“Why do you even like him?” Jihoon mumbled close to my ear, so that no one could hear it. I scoffed at the question. What was there not to like? Hyunsuk is attractive, athletic, a good rapper and dancer, funny, kind...he was basically perfect.

I didn’t realize I said those attributes outloud until Jihoon leaned back in his chair in annoyance. “Well, that’s not what I asked. Why do YOU like him?”

“I just told you.” I spat. Jihoon shook his head slightly and pulled his hood up, copying my style.

“Sure you did.”

I opened my mouth to he meant by that, but before I could say anything, the teacher started spewing fact about the Korean War, making me lose my chance.

-----

A couple weeks had passed and soon the winter formal was right around the corner.

Jihoon and I were chilling in my living room, watching Infinity War as we ate pizza. I had grown close to the boy and found myself hanging out with him more than I hung out with Seunghun and Hyunsuk. Which they complained about constantly, but I couldn’t help if I hated seeing Hyunsuk and Kyungmi or hearing talk about her. It was a constant reminder that I wasn’t his to talk about.

“I feel like Dr. Strange is the most underrated of them all. Like deadass the man saw a gajillion outcomes of the future where they all died... what a traumatic experience.” Jihoon mumbled while stuffing a pizza into his mouth. I nodded in agreement.

“You right, bro. I would legit die if I saw myself die.” Jihoon paused at my dumb statement but just threw a piece of popcorn at me.

By the end of the movie, we were sobbing into our blankets while the boxes of pizza were strewn everywhere. Jihoon grabbed the tissue box and wiped his tears. I felt him dab my tears politely which made me laugh.

“Hey, at least you’re a pretty crier, some of us are less fortunate.” He joked while wiping his tears. He paused the movie so we could compose ourselves and mourn over the multiple losses. I threw my tissue at him. “Shut up, everyone is an ugly crier.”

“Nah, I mean, you’re pretty so that’s why you’re a pretty crier.” I felt him lean closer to me which made me feel nervous. “I’m not even pretty.” I mumbled. Honestly, I didn’t feel like I was stunning but I wasn’t ugly. I could be looked at for more than 5 seconds without pure disgust but it’s not like I was drop dead gorgeous.

“Hm, that’s debatable.” I heard his voice drop into a low whisper and suddenly he was leaning in. My heart beat picked up and goosebumps formed on my arms. Out of instinct, I backed away.

Immediately, I regretted it after seeing the dejected look on his face. “Jihoon, I’m sorry I just.” I sighed in panic. “I just still like Hyunsuk.” I whispered. I saw him turn away in sadness which broke my heart.

I thought we were going to sit in silence the entire time until he turned to me with slight anger in his eyes. “Or so you think.” He mumbled. He turned to stand and walk out. I furrowed my brows in confusion. I shot up from my seat and followed him to the door, thankfully, he didn’t make it too far.

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean by that?” I demanded. “Of course I like Hyunsuk, he’s like...”

Jihoon turned to face me and scoffed. “Let me guess perfect?”

Suddenly, with great timing, my door flew open.

“HO HO HO ! DID SOMEONE NOT INVITE US TO THE PARTY?” Before I could comprehend what was happening, Seunghun ran at me and scooped me into his arms.

Hyunsuk plopped on the other side of Jihoon and slung an arm around him. “Hey, is this your first date or something, sorry to intrude.” Hyunsuk wiggled his eyebrows and nudged Jihoon slightly.

Jihoon forced a smile and shrugged. “Nah man, we’re just friends.” For some reason, I felt my heart deflate at that statement even though I just turned him down a few seconds ago.

Seriously, what’s wrong with me?

Hyunsuk ‘awwed’ at Jihoon and pinched his cheeks to where Jihoon ignored him. Jihoon still stared intensely at me like there wasn’t even anyone around us.

His arms were crossed across his chest and his breathing was heavy.

I assume Seunghun and Hyunsuk realized the situation and took a few steps back. Jihoon finally released some stress in his body and took a few steps to the door.

“Just.. Just call me when you’re ready to be real with your feelings.” Jihoon smoothly slipped on his shoes and opened the door. He gave me one last final look before shutting it softly which matched the shattering of me heart as well.

Seunghun, Hyunsuk, and I stood in silence at the awkwardness that rose from Jihoon’s farewell. I reached up to touch my face, realizing that it was wet with my tears. At the sight of them, I only broke down harder.

“Hey, it’s gonna be-” I stepped away from Hyunsuk’s hug and held out my hands to distance myself.

“Can you guys just go? I don’t wanna see anyone right now.” I felt my voice break on the last note and tried to hold in my tears. At first, I didn’t think they were going to leave, but I felt Seunghun pat my back before hearing the door shut, leaving me alone to deal with my thoughts and insecurities.

------

It was finally the winter formal.

Yay.

It was five pm and the dance started at nine. I wasn’t going though.

I pulled the covers over my head and drowned out my sorrows with silence.

I had thought long and hard about Jihoon’s words, wondering what he meant. I liked Hyunsuk still...

but did I really ?

And what do I feel about Jihoon?

Do I even care about who Hyunsuk dates anymore?

I mean, I was staying inside crying over Jihoon and not even thinking to remember Hyunsuk and Kyungmi. I groaned and hit myself in the face with a pillow.

As I was laying still in my bed, I heard a knock on my door. I raised a brow as my parents knew not to bother me when I was in my room. “Are you decent?”

I held in my eye roll as I recognized the voice. “Define decent.” I snapped back. The door opened, revealing a very dapper looking Seunghun and Hyunsuk. Suddenly I felt like a loser next to them. I buried my face in my pillows again. I heard Hyunsuk chuckle and suddenly the both of them were sitting on my bed, patting my back. “What are you guys doing here?” I mumbled.

“Where else would we be when our best friend is here, dying in her room?” Seunghun knocked my head gently with his fist, something he always did to me when I was a kid. My eyes swelled with tears at their kindness. I really didn’t deserve friends like them.

“Now, since we are here...” Seunghun started.

“Would you tell us what you’ve been hiding for so long? You’ve been acting so distance and out of it... it’s obvious y/n. Just talk to us normally, we’re your best friends. We will understand no matter what.” Hyunsuk finally said. I could tell when he was frustrated as Hyunsuk could never hide his emotions.

“Yeah, what happened to the truth and nothing but the truth y/n?” There was a teasing tone in Seunghun’s words, but I could tell he was upset at me too, which made me feel like a bigger jerk.

Which is why I had to man up and tell them the truth.

“Fine.” I sat up from my bed and closed my eyes. Here goes nothing.

“So, basically, I had a crush on this dude. Who is not important. Anyways, Jihoon found out and I told him to hide it and he said he wouldn’t tell anybody. Long story short, I’m pretty sure Jihoon likes me and I am very, very confused on what I feel about him as I don’t know if I still like this dude. And also, I don’t really know what I like about the dude without what’s on the surface. And I guess I am losing romantic feelings for the dude as well. And with Jihoon, I feel so comfortable around him. Like everything is so natural and yeah I don’t know I hate myself.” I ranted before throwing my face down back on a pillow.

The two boys were silent for a moment until bursting into laughter. I lifted my head in confusion.

They both patted my backs and headed for the door.

“W-what? Where are you guys going?”

Seunghun walked out first and gave me a shrug. As Hyunsuk turned to shut the door, he gave me a knowing smile.

“Y/n, it’s obvious. I think you know what to do.”

Before I got a chance to say anything, Hyunsuk slammed the door in my face.

I sat there in a daze for a few short moments until I came to the realization.

“Fuck I have to go talk to Jihoon.”

-----

I reached for my phone in a rush and texted him.

‘hey um, what r u doing right now?’ I texted off quickly before I lost my confidence.

My hands were shaking in anticipation as I saw him typing.

‘im getting ready to go to dinner before the formal’

I felt my heart drop at his response. I lost my chance... great.

‘why?’ he texted back.

‘just wondering,, have fun at the winter formal’

‘thanks’

A one word response, that meant he wanted the conversation to end. I set down my phone with a deflated ego.

He already had a date. I guess he didn’t like me as much as I thought.

I sunk down in my bed and flopped over in my bed. I wasn’t the girl boys fought for, I was the girl you looked over, the girl you didn’t want.

I laid in silence to wallow in my self pity until I heard my doorbell ring. I groaned, thinking it was Hyunsuk and Seunghun coming to tease me again. I waddled down the stairs with a huge blanket wrapped around my arms. I flung open the door, ready to tell the boys to go away.

I was in great surprise when I saw Jihoon staring back at me instead of the two older boys.

My eyes widened in surprise as he was dressed in normal clothes but I could tell his hair was styled and he put on cologne.

“Hey.” His hands were in his pockets and his stance was really casual.

“Um, h-hi.” I stuttered out. Obviously I was more nervous than him. He gave me one of his familiar smiles. “Can I come in?” I nodded and shuffled out of the way for him to enter my house.

“I thought you were going to the dance.” I whispered, as if he wasn’t real. Humor danced through his eyes as he shrugged.

“Nah, I sort of lied.” I raised my eyes in surprise.

“Um, why would you do that?”

“So I could do this.”

Suddenly, he leaned down and captured my lips with his. The kiss was soft and sweet, yet passionate; it was everything I had imagined Jihoon would kiss like and more. His hands were gentle on the back of my neck and my hands moved to hold the belt loops on his pants.

I heard him sigh as he pulled me closer. I could feel my heart racing faster at the close proximity. When Jihoon pulled away, I felt like I was missing something.

“Hm, just like I imagined. You’re so perfect.” He whispered closely to my ear.

I shook my head shyly before pulling him down for another kiss. He was surprised at my action but melted into it.

“No, you’re the one who’s perfect for me. Not Hyunsuk or anyone else.

Just you.”

#yg treasure box #ygtblbr #yg treasure box scenarios #ygtb #park jihoon #ygtb jihoon #jihoon scenarios #ygtb scenarios #yg treasure box imagines

582 notes · View notes

swordbreakerz · 5 years ago

Note

romanticized asks do all the evens motherfucker

i’ll hunt you for sport

2. if someone were to catch Hanahaki disease for you, what flowers would they cough up?

thats such a loaded question god, fucking. green carnations i guess? simply cause of the gay coding of that flower idk man

4. tell us about your ideal battle outfit.

im gonna take this literally so base layer: nice linens, and then a silk shirt and pants. well fitted leather armor with a good range of motion, sturdy but flexible boots, leather arm guards, a swooping cloak and simple jeweled diadem

6. name five iconic quotes that make you feel things.

may butcher these i have a shit memory and i cant think of anything like. ‘iconic’ rly so bear with me

‘and don’t forget sam. frodo wouldn’t have gotten far without sam.’ ‘now mr frodo i was bein serious!’ ‘so was i.’ - lord of the rings

you’re right-- holiness is in the hands even if it’s always the head that gets haloed. - c.t. salazar

are you there, sweetheart? do you know me? is this microphone live? let me do it right for once. - richard siken

you cannot kill me in a way that matters - that tumblr post abt mushrooms

there is no greater innocence than our gentle sin - hozier

8. what combination of natural scents would you use as perfume?

manzanita, pine sap, forest duff, juniper, very earthy and sharp

10. describe yourself as if you were a storm.

on again off again all day rain, sometimes no more than a drizzle and sometimes a raging thunderstorm

12. honey in milk or cinnamon in tea?

yeah

14. curtains of beads or lace?

mmmmm beads i think cause of the click clacks

16. describe your ideal fantasy outfit

high waisted cotton pants and a poofy linen shirt, leather half corset, a couple belts for my sword and daggers, either no shoes or soft leather slippers, cape obviously and lots of jewelry

18. hard candy, fruit preserves or spice cake?

if i had to choose right now spice cake but like all of them depending on my mood

20. tying your hair up using ribbon, yay or nay?

hell fucking yes i just dont have long enough hair right now

22. tell us, in detail, about a curse a witch would put on you.

god fuck you uhhhh. probably like a curse to not be able to articulate myself? i would be able to get the general idea across but not what i Actually Meant wow that sounds like my personal hell

24. mint, rosemary, basil or sage?

mint or basil depending on my mood

26. tell us about an experience you’ve had that seemed unreal or supernatural. (doesn’t have to be scary)

ok so 2018 i did a haunted house and for the first few days i was behind a door that essentially led to a service hallway fr the security cause there was a lot of people instead of like, an actual scare spot in one of the rooms and it was great UNTIL i started hearing knocking from the wall behind me, and keep in mind this was a warehouse i was at the edge of the haunt there was nothing on the other side of me but the Outside so its not like one of the actors or patrons was knocking around behind me, a couple times i saw a stack of hat boxes jostle which was Not fun no sir i really hated it, this went on for a couple nights before one night it was a slow period and i was standing by my door waiting to hear someone come in, and let me clarify the setting a little bit i was in a storage area so there was bins and shit all around me, and i was chilling and i heard smth like sliding behind me? and then a stack of empty tubs fucking slid into me and hit my shoulder. now this stack wasnt in danger of falling it was sitting back pretty stable on top of a pile of boxes so tldr a ghost shoved a pile of emtpy storage bins to try and hit me it sucked. it stopped after that and then i moved rooms after to fill out the necessary spots but it uhh sucked lol

28. tell us three sayings that you live by.

ah jeez um. lets see

do no harm, take no shit; it takes two to tango; curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back

30. describe your ideal masquerade ball outfit (mask included).

tailored three piece suit with a corset styled like a waistcoat, dress shoes with a small heel, cane with a handle styled like a big cat, maybe a panther or smth, full-face barn owl mask with pale filligree you have to get close in the right light to see clearly

32. what would you end up in the dungeon for?

homosexual activity and public dueling

34. if you could have any magical item, what would it be?

definitely a flying carpet

36. would you rather be a pirate or a king/queen?

pirate pirate pirate pirate 100 percent oh my GOD please let me sail the open seas with my gay lover

38. would you have a painting of yourself?

nah maybe if it was a group piece with my friends or s/o or smth but not a solo portrait

40. if you could live any fairy tale, which one would you?

idk i dont have the braincells to give this question a lot of thought, theoretically i guess but it depends on the fairy tale

alright motherfucker expect retaliation im coming for you

#ilysmmmm #friendos #jade #and z answers #prozacking

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bigskydreaming · 6 years ago

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Btw, for those who’ve been asking, just a quick update on the jaw sitch:

I had that last appointment on Thursday and it went really, even surprisingly well? Like, better news than even she’d hoped for. We were crossing our fingers that the last CT scan (the one to map exact dimensions we’d need the prosthetic to be) would match up with a premade prosthetic so we wouldn’t have to wait to order a custom made and could jump straight to trying to expedite the surgery.

Turns out I don’t actually need a prosthetic at all. The top of my jawbone, the condyle, which everyone thought was completely destroyed from all the previous scans and was part of what had to be replaced, its actually still there and largely intact. It wasn’t snapped off or eroded away like they’d been thinking, it actually just got bent enough at the top of it that somehow it slipped and got shoved up....underneath my skull, or behind my skull, I’m honestly not sure what the right word is to describe it, because of the angles/dimensions involved. The reason they could only see it with this last scan and not any of the others is this last scan like....looked through the back of my skull essentially, and showed the inside curvature of the side of the skull that’s where all the Drama is. And that’s where they saw, oh hey, he’s still got an intact condyle, its just been stuck inside/under/behind his skull this whole time instead of resting in the joint where its supposed to be and allowing for proper opening and closing. And as it got worse and worse this past year and a half, it wasn’t because I was constantly grinding down on what was left of the bone and wearing it more and more away....it was that it was actually constantly shoving up more inside my skull, day by day. So, still not fun, just a different kind of suck than they thought, lol.

I’m actually a little bit miffed by the reveal, not gonna lie, because like....it literally is EXACTLY what I’d been saying it felt like the problem was to me. For a year and a half. From the very start. From the very first time I went to the ER after it first snapped or slipped out of place or whateverthefuck, the very first doctor I met with, I literally described it as feeling like my jawbone got stuck up under or behind my skull and couldnt get loose or descend properly. And they were like nah, that’s not a thing, must be TMJ. And literally every other doctor I went to since then (including this one), I told each and every one of them the same exact thing but noooooooooo, why listen to the dude whose body it literally is lol why would he know what it feels like is the problem. Lmao. Ah well. Doesn’t change anything at this point and not worth souring my relationship with this doctor since at least she’s getting results for me and is easy enough to work with and way better than that other one I was going to before. But still. Annoying. It gives me no pleasure to be like ‘ugh I was right, I told you all’ because like, lol I don’t need the fucking ego boost, I would have much rather taken the ‘get started fixing all this a year earlier than it took to find the solution and thus spare myself a lot of time, money, aggravation and oh yeah pain’ option. BUT OH WELL.

Anyway. So this changes things a little but not a done. The general course of treatment is still the same. They still have to do the exact same surgery, only now instead of opening me up and putting in a new prosthetic joint, they’ll open me up, cut off the bottom part of my jaw so that they can then basically dig out the upper part from where its stuck behind/under/inside my skull, do something *mutters vague medical-ese in place of the details I glazed over here and didn’t totally catch look I am still very sleep deprived all the time*, then manually reset the condyle/top of the jawbone in the joint they restore via the vague medical-ese mumble mumble stuff, manually realign the whole rest of my lower jaw and then screw the bottom and top pieces of jawbone back together with like a plate or something.

But now at least we don’t have to wait for a prosthetic, or pay for one, so that’s at least a couple thousand dollars cheaper though the rest of the surgery is still the same as before,like 20K out of pocket or thereabouts. And its always better when they can use/salvage your natural body instead of having to use prosthetics or insert foreign material - theoretically, this means I should heal faster, regain more or fuller function of my whole jaw, and there’s less risk of nerve damage since all the muscles and everything are still attached to the jaw and just unable to do their job because its literally just stuck, but again its always better if like, they don’t have to try and reattach or reintegrate muscles and all that around a brand new piece of bone or prosthetic that they place in there for the first time.

So its literally just a waiting game now? She sent off her updated notes and case file to my insurance company now to try and expedite getting a greenlight on the surgery. It only takes two weeks to book the surgery and get into an OR somewhere, and the only thing we’re waiting for now is payment, basically. As soon as I can afford the surgery, we can schedule it, and two weeks later, bam. So fingers crossed that my insurance company will approve it - she feels pretty confident they will, because she thinks she’s made more than enough argument and provided plenty of documentation to prove its an absolute medical necessity (hahahahaha just let them try and argue w/me about that, I WILL DEVOUR THEIR ENTIRE SOULS, MY JAW IS 90% UNHINGED ALREADY, IT’LL BE EASY).

So mostly its just a matter of how long it takes to get an answer from them, and if they’ll approve the whole thing or only part of it, and if the latter, how long it’ll take me to raise the rest. She said give it a week before I start calling the insurance company directly myself, to nag them, lol. But that her best guess is it’ll probably be around three weeks or so to hear back, for something like this.

So, fingers crossed that I get a quick answer and a good one in terms of paying at least most of the surgery. And then....blessed scalpel and morphine drip. *weeps in I Have Never Been So Excited To Be Cut Open On A Table Like A Fish, Seriously, What A Weird Thing To Have Be Like Christmas and My Birthday and Some Other Random Assortments of Holidays Used As An Excuse for Gift-Giving*

She’s planning on doing the surgery on a Saturday as its usually easier to book an OR on the weekend, and the surgery itself should only take a day and I shouldn’t need to stay overnight after all. BUT I still need to figure out finding some way to stay with someone for the ten days after the surgery though, which - no idea how to go about that just yet lol, working on it. But my jaw’ll have to be wired shut for the ten days post surgery, liquid diet only, so she was like “LOL yeah no, you should definitely not count on being able to talk for the first couple weeks of recovery. Or stand up really. Or like, get out of bed at all pretty much. As much as it sucks right now, its gonna suck even more then, you will definitely hate everything and it’ll hurt even more before it gets better, BUT then it’ll actually get better. Finally.” Like, I’m paraphrasing, but that was my takeaway, lol. Yay. Things to look forward, much excitement, can’t wait.

Nah but like, I will literally put up with anything at this point in order for it to be over, and after that, I shouldn’t need more than a month or two of physical therapy before I have full function of my jaw back. But she thinks it’ll be if not quite as good as new, at least close enough for there not to be much difference. She said she sees no reason for there to be any lingering or residual pain or nerve issues or vertigo once my recovery period is over, and my face should look pretty much the same as it did before all this started then. Said there’s a slight possibility, depending on certain things with how the surgery goes, that my chin might end up a little more recessed than it had been originally, but not enough that it’d be especially noticeable - if anything, it probably would only show as different from before when looked at in profile, from a side view.

LOL, she was like, there is an additional procedure I can do right then and there while we already have you under, that’ll bring your chin forward and compensate for any differences there and its easiest to do it right at the same time as everything else. But that’s essentially just a cosmetic procedure, so your insurance likely wouldn’t pay for that. And I was like okay, well just so I know, how much is that procedure? And she’s like, oh, 8K. And I was all HAHAHAHAHAHA, doc, you funny. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m vain and shallow, but I’m cheaper and broker than I am vain and shallow, so that’s gonna be a hard pass from me. I’ll stick to just overcompensating with my wit and dazzling personality, mmkay.

LOL. Anyway, so that’s where things stand right now, just....waiting. And hoping. And crossing fingers. And trying not to fall into my usual trap of assuming this slight uptick of good or positive news means IMPENDING DOOM elsewhere. Like, there is still a slight risk of nerve damage with the surgery itself, not the potential for full face paralysis that the other doc was saying might happen, she’s not worried about that at all, but she did warn that in like 10-20% of cases with this surgery, there’s a chance of nicking a sensory nerve that means like, ending up with your face numb around the chin and above and around your mouth, where you basically can’t feel much in those areas. Sometimes that lasts for a month or two, and occasionally there are some people who never regain sensation there, but she stressed that its not a huge risk, again only 10-20% of the time, but she did want to make sure I was aware. Course, my cynical ass is like OKAY BUT YOU UNDERESTIMATE HOW MUCH THE UNIVERSE LIKES TO MAKE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE LINE UP WITH EXTREMELY LONG ODDS AND UNLIKELY POSSIBILITIES, WHY WOULD YOU TEMPT FATE WITH A DIRECT CHALLENGE LIKE THAT, DO YOU HATE ME, DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE????

LOL. Look I’m a Melodramatic Melvin, this is canon. And in the immortal words of Ugh Stiles, I’m almost to the point of no longer being able to ‘milk this anymore’ so I gotta cram my last good angsts in while I still can, y’know? Nah, but srsly, I’m gonna try and not stress about that too much because she said there’s literally nothing I or she can do to minimize that risk, it just is what it is, and the one thing I do know is that my body/brain tends to be highly suggestible and psychosomatism tends to play a huge role in my health and how well or quickly or thoroughly I bounce back from stuff. So. Trying to do the whole positive thoughts, eyes on the prize, Speak Only Good Stuff Into Existence until I’m out the other side. Like, take it for granted that the odds aren’t gonna fuck me this time so I don’t end up accidentally stressing myself into the perfect position for my body to be like Screw You Baby, One More Time.

I mean, we’ll see how well that goes, lol, but you know. Goals.

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psychic-refugee · 6 years ago

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Author’s Commentary

This entry is to answer BriEva. Sorry I don’t reply to comments, AO3 counts my responses as comments and my non-clinical OCD does not like that at all. I want people to see my comment count and know that it’s JUST comments and not replies. So it’s a true count rather than bulked up. That’s just my neurosis. Normally I respond to reviews/comments for the next chapter, but there are a lot of points you’re making so I wanted to respond. I hope you're able to see this. lol

Jane’s hair.

I think “forcing” is kind of a strong word. Jane has never said she didn’t want her hair dyed. She does, she wants to fit in with her human peers. She was super excited to have her hair done. Remember, for the first three years at Auradon Prep, she has been the only fae student until Mal came. While some humans do have very light platinum blonde hair, we’re talking fae platinum blonde. I use the words “star lit” to convey that it’s kind of an ethereal colour. So while it could be considered human, it certainly isn’t common and would makes them stand out. What Jane resents or doesn’t want is the store bought dye.

So she’s stuck in a hard place. She wants to fit in, she wants to appear innocuous and human. And growing up and living with such anti-magic sentiment, particularly against the fae because of the Fae Wars, it’s not surprising that FGM and Jane would try to assimilate. But with fae hair being difficult to hide, she has to rely on what she can afford which causes undesirable results.

But the fact that while it looks bad they still do it, which I think conveys that it’s still better than the alternative: to appear “too fae.”

So the tension lies in what each thinks is appropriate. FGM doesn’t think it appropriate for Jane to accept such a lavish gift of Iliofáneia hair appointments, Jane doesn’t see it as a big deal.

Part of FGM’s reason might be because of guilt, but I think that FGM is professional enough that she wouldn’t show that kind of leniency. And to force kids to drastically change their hair at an expensive salon on the Crown’s dime seems like it’s not worth the fight.

We also have to remember that FGM is Jane’s mother, not Mal or Evie’s. I think she knows she has no real authority to dictate what their hair looks like unless it’s against school code and that’s only as headmistress. The spirit of the dress code is to stop students from looking ostentatious or outlandish. It stops students from dying their hair say purple or blue. BUT with Mal and Evie that’s their natural hair, and by the rules taken literally they are OK. The administration may define natural to specifically mean natural human colours or give a list that excludes specific colours for the next school year. I’ve seen it happen where the school code book wasn’t specific in some area, a student contested their dress choice (height of the heel of a shoe) and won because they technically were not breaking the dress code. BUT for the next year, the school revised the code to specify heel height and they couldn’t wear the same shoes anymore.

I think that’s common enough, where a parent has a set of rules and expectations for their own children, but for others’ children they do not try to assert that same kind of authority. Basically “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” There are some adults that think they’re everyone’s parent and can therefore give their opinion or orders at will, but FGM isn’t one of them. lol

I would like to think that FGM would allow Jane to have her natural hair if that’s what she really wanted. When raising children in an environment that could be potentially hostile to them if they are seen as outsiders, you try to have them fit in as best they can. Sometimes cultural assimilation is a matter of survival. So FGM having Jane dye her hair as a matter of course when she’s younger, I think is understandable. Does it suck? Yes. Sometimes you have to make that decision, stand firm and potentially face backlash or give in. Maybe if it were just FGM, she would have decided to keep her hair natural. But with a daughter, do you want to make that stand and have her also face that backlash? I think it’s a tough choice that parents go through.

Existence of the Curl & Dye

It does not exist in LOE. This is a creative decision, I just don’t think a modern salon like that would exist as is in an impoverish island. I do mention that brothels do have some hair care devices, such as flat irons, and I would assume hair dryers would be part of that (assuming these are part of the cast off technology the Mainland gives away). But it would really only pertain to brothels, for the most part I don’t see enough of a middle or higher class population on the isle to support an independent salon. And since brothels compete with each other, they wouldn’t want to share this space anyway. So all brothels have in house beauticians/they do it themselves to cater to their needs.

For the other non-brothel citizens, I see more of a do it yourself/family does it deal if they do it at all. Think pre-industrial revolution and a society that struggles with food shortages and no real medical care. Celebrations, if any, are few and far between. So the reasons to have done up hair are pretty rare. And in the rare instances, it would be family members who help groom each other.

Mal’s Dad

Is not Hades nor is he Chernabog. Both of these characters are actual gods. In LOE, that’s just not a thing. While I get that the franchise wanted to utilize all the bad guys they have copy rights to, it implies that FGM is above godlike powerful and I don’t want her to be. I get that Hades is recognizable and little kids don’t care, but I do so none of the gods reside on the Isle of the Lost.

We are getting closer to finding out who Carlos’ dad is, but no spoilers for that.

Cruella’s sentencing

I will delve more into the exact nature of what happened to get Cruella on the Isle, no spoilers. I want to make the distinction of her “innocence” however. Do not think of Cruella as innocent, as if she did nothing wrong, she did; while it can’t be said she physically stole the puppies she did pay others to do so. That’s still a crime. Her erratic behavior while driving endangered the public, that’s still a crime. These crimes, however, are not in my opinion enough to get her onto the Isle. Even if she had physically taken the puppies and killed them, that would not have (in my opinion) warranted a full banishment to the Isle.

Cecil's exact role in her sentencing will be addressed, no spoilers. But I will say that he is not responsible for her mental state. I just don't see him being able to pull essentially poisoning her for a long period of time to do permanent brain damage.

Cruella having a fae line of clothing

No, that is not the reason she was sent away. I will get into more of King Adam and Cecil’s motivations for getting rid of Cruella, but it has nothing to do with aspirations or plans with her fashion line.

It’s a plausible idea and fun thought, but it’s not for LOE.

Cause of the Fae Wars

Yes, that is quite the question isn’t it? (<.< ) (>.>) tee hee hee. You are touching on a lot of good topics but I won’t say which ones, if any, pertain to this story, no spoilers.

The Isle Four when they hit 18

There will be significant events that happen when the Isle Four reach 18 but that will be revealed in time, no spoilers. Originally I wanted to have the Winter Recital happen in Ch. 11, but fleshing out Jane, Carlos and Mal's relationship, the Isle Four's relationship was longer than I originally thought it would be so I opted to cut it until the next chapter. We will see the effects of Carlos turning 18.

Jane having "fantasies" of Carlos

I honestly do not see Jane doing this. It's not to say women in general wouldn't (Audrey was clearly effected by making out with Ben), but Jane I see as rather innocent and grew up with stories of gallant knights and princes. So she dreams of meeting her “Prince” and getting married and kids. But she doesn’t really think of the path to get said kids, to her they are something that just happens. lol

Jane’s grudge

I wouldn’t akin her grievance with Mal with animated versions of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. The latter two are pretty straight forward villains. Jane I would hope is a little more complex. lol Yes, her desire for Carlos is part of the reason. But we see a more or less ostracized girl no friends just that desperately wanted her own Cinderella moment, but was refused by Mal. Mal does have magic and probably could have helped her, but self-preservation stayed her hand. Jane erroneously sees this as purposefully malicious. With no friends, she has no one to talk this through with; she has no one to give her a different perspective. That seed grows when she thinks of all the times Audrey warned Mal was bad. Audrey blaming Mal for her break up with Ben just cements the idea she was already nurturing. Jane also has this over romanticized version of Carlos in her head, which happens with people you’re infatuated with and convince yourself that you’re in love with them. She thinks he needs saving and that he was just this completely helpless victim in the Isle, but deep down is noble--that he's really just a Prince underneath it all.

Also, when you grow up thinking villains are on the Isle and everyone in Auradon is the hero, it’s hard to see your own behavior (especially when you think you’re “saving” someone) as problematic. Jane sees herself as the hero, just like her mother with Cinderella.

All topics that will be touched on in time, no spoilers:

If Ben finds love and gets over Mal Carlos’ family and money Audrey and Jane’s plans for the love spell Update on the Isle while the Isle Four are gone Mal’s possible allergy to iron

Please feel free to comment as much as you want. I hope I answered all your questions/topics.

#BriEva #author's commentary #Legacy of Evil Fanfiction #jane #carlos de vil #Mal #fairy godmother #sleeping beauty #snow white #Cruella De Vil

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shut-it-tinman · 7 years ago

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tag game

rules: tag ten people you want to get to know better

i was tagged by @miles-ezekiel

name: maci

gender: female

star sign: cancer ♋️

height: 5′8″ (though technically 5′7 3/4″ lol)

age: late teens

wallpaper: lockscreen is a photo that I took on casa mila facing the sagrada familia. the homescreen is of a pink pool(?) with sign of the times lyrics

hogwarts house: ravenclaw🦉

ever had a crush on a teacher?: uhh no.. other then focusing on the fact that a student teacher looked exactly like chris pratt

coolest halloween costume: uh maybe hermione granger? or when I was roxy morton from kingsman, but everyone thought I was from doctor who aha

favourite 90s tv show: friends, the fresh prince of bel air, golden girls (does it count even though it was kinda in the 80′s??)

last kiss: aha also my first, which happened so young i’m only 85% sure it happened

have you ever been stood up?: dating? no. but with friends, yeah.

favourite shoes: either my pastel pink birkenstocks, rose gold daisy sandals or my maroon converse 👡

have you ever been to vegas?: not really, other than a flight layover when I was little (my grandma was hitting up the slot machines in the airport and I wanted to try, so she let me, to my mom’s dismay)

favourite fruit: mangoes and green grapes 🍇

favourite book: all the light we cannot see by anthony doerr; anna and the french kiss by stephanie perkins; to all the boys i’ve loved before trilogy by jenny han; the nightingale by kristin hannah; & the throne of glass series by sarah j maas

stupiest thing I’ve ever done: only thing was trying my neighbor’s razor scooter but i sucked and scraped up my legs with painful scrapes for days 😩

all time favourite tv shows: brooklyn 99, the marvelous mrs. maisel (wATCH IT!!! IT’S HILARIOUS BUT ALSO KINDA A PERIOD PIECE AND THE LEAD IS A 50′S HOUSEWIFE WHO WANTS TO BE A STAND-UP COMEDIAN IN NYC AFTER HER HUSBAND LEFT HER. last point: it’s created by the same people who created gilmore girls), game of thrones, the royals, agents of shield, jane the virgin, sense8 (essentially any crime or political drama aha)

last movie seen in a theater: uhh dunkirk. wow that was last year in august.

i tag: @tomleighnson @booksncoffee @stylishmuser @amanitacaplan @buckyywiththegoodhair @dianaby1d @rhaela @yoyomack @anakin-skywalkers @katsdesk (if y’all want to do it ^_^ )

#things about me #about me #tag games #tagged

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imagine-darksiders · 7 years ago

Note

Heyyy. How’s it going? I feel bad for asking again, and if you’re super busy it’s totally fine, but could you possibly write something about War and Death helping their SO through terrible period pain? I’m literally dying right now so it’d be a huge comfort. Bonus points if you include Draven.

Periods are a blight against humanity and I hate them lol. Sorry to hear you’re suffering, but know that I understand. :(

Imagine how shite it would honestly be to have a period during the literal apocalypse without easy access to any painkillers or sanitary products. MMM NOPE. DON’T WANT TO IMAGINE. MM MM.

War:The youngest rider of the apocalypse was slowly coming to learn thathumans are fartougher than he’d initially considered. Specifically those humanswho have a uterus.

“Oh,come on! Shit. There’s got to be some around here.”

Warjerks his head to the side when yet another empty and slightly singedcardboard box goes sailing past his head. He raises a snowy eyebrowdown at the offending object as it thuds softly against a shelf ofmismatched bottles. Upon inspection, some of the oddly colouredcontainers have words like ‘shampoo’, ‘conditioner’and the like. Truly, humans are bewildering.

Thehorseman’s other eyebrow rises to join its twin as he turns to peerdown at you curiously.

“Y/n?”he pipes up, “What are you doing?”

Thedeep, rumbling voice of your travelling companion doesn’t disturbyou from your search aside from tossing your head over a shoulder tolook back at him and grumble, “Just looking for something.Won’t be a minute.”

Warfrown and tilts his hooded head to one side. You’d been ‘justlooking for something’ in every single human supermarket you’d comeacross for the past two days. Something is clearly wrong, but nomatter how much he probes, you seem reluctant to divulge anything to him.

Anothersmall box bounces uselessly off his chest and he throws it a cursoryscowl before stepping up behind you. He’s about to protest your vague answer when suddenly, you hiss and doubleover, clutching at your stomach and letting out a string ofbreathless expletives under your breath.

That in itself would because enough to alarm the hulking horseman. But what really rankleshim, is that when you’d bent over, he caught a flash of something highly concerning and terribly familiar.

“Y/N!”the horseman barks, raising his hands calmingly, “Don’t move.”

Youfreeze in your spot, panic suddenly shooting up from your stomach andinto your chest.

“Oh god. What? What is it!? Is there something onme? War? What’s wrong!?”

Honestly,you’d fully expected him to pull some kind of hideously mutated bugfrom your shoulder. What you didn’t expect, was for him to huff atyou, equal parts frustrated and concerned.

“Whydidn’t you tell me that you’d been wounded?” he growls.

At hisexclamation, you pale and shoot a glance back at him before you spotwhere his gaze is directed. With a curse, you twist yourself painfully around to see if-

“Damnit,” you seethe, “I really liked these trousers.”

Warallows his mouth to drop open in a wide gape. Here you are, a small,frail little human, losing precious lifeblood and in obvious pain,but the object of your concern is none other than your clothing. He shakes his headand steps closer to you.

“Ifyou are injured, allow me to-”

“Hey!Woah there!” you shout, jumping back from the approaching horsemanand swatting his hovering hands away, “I’m not injured, I’mjust….you know… “

Scowldeepening, War grunts at you questioningly and continues his advance. It takes you a second torealise that he does not,in fact, know.

“Wait….Youdon’t…” you face falls incredulously with a hint of mild agonythrown in the mix as a fresh wave of cramps suddenly thrums in yourabdomen.

You really do not have the time to explain anatomy to aclueless horseman.

You wave your hands dismissively in the air. “Okay,look. I’ll explain what’s going on, but I really need you to helpme find a full box of these.” One of the box-projectiles is held upin front of the horseman’s face. He squints at the bright,eye-catching writing on the side and his lips twist around the foreign word.

“Tampons?”

Youclick your fingers and point at him excitedly, “That’s theone.” War casts his gaze around for a moment, then, his eyes land onsomething on the very top shelf, set far back from the edge. Hereaches out and takes it up delicately in his large, gauntleted hand then pouts down at it and gives it a gentle shake. Definitelyfull.

Thehorseman passes the box down to you and waits with bated breath as youinspect his find. He almost blanches when you suddenly cry out.

“YES!YES, WAR! These are-” you clutch the prized possessions to yourchest and beam up at him, “-These are perfect. Thank you!”

Hischest swells with pride.

“Alright,”you shove the tampons into your rucksack and place your hands on yourhips, “Ready for when code-red hits. By my calculations, I’ve gotanother day or so left before it arrives.”

“Codered?” War squints in confusion and pulls his lips back, exposinghis teeth when he remembers that, essentially, you are stillbleeding. Humming, you grimace up at his befuddled expression.

“Riiiight,I still owe you an explanation, don’t I?”

He nodsurgently.

“Okay,I’ll explain while we try to find some Ibuprofen,” you rumble,placing a hand on your back and wincing at the ache there. War’svibrant eyes catch the look of discomfort on your face and heimmediately starts to pick up boxes, peering down at the faded littlewords that he doesn’t recognise. “Eye-eyebupe….?” he trails offand stares down at you apologetically. You bite your lip to keepyourself from laughing.

“Comeon, it won’t be here, it’ll be in the pharmaceuticals.” Placingyour delicate hand on his own, metal arm, you steer the gianthorseman out of the isle and launch into what’s sure to be a painfulexplanation.

Thatnight, your period hit you full force. It alarmed War to no end whenyou’d suddenly shot up from your seated position next to the fireyou’d built and went hurtling behind a rusted transit van whilstshouting, “I’m alright! Don’t follow me, I’ll be right back!”

Naturally,War had gotten up to follow after you, but another scream of, “Don’tyou dare come around this van!” had him freezing in place andpacing impatiently.

Afteronly a minute or so, you return, sporting a miserable expression andan exhausted gait.

Youcollapse on the ground once again, turning to look up at War when hethuds down next to you.

“Code…codered?” he asks, testing the unfamiliar phrase on his tongue. Yousimply nod and pull your rucksack out from underneath you, rustlingthrough it until you find a bottle of half-drunk water and a small,white painkiller. War was the one to find it, in the end. Only afteryou’d all but fallen down into a weeping heap before you even made itto the medical supplies. He’d….admittedly lost his cool a bit andstarted to frantically scour the shelves for the odd pills whilst yousobbed miserably.

In theend, he hadn’t allowed you to walk back to the camp.

Now,you honestly couldn’t be more thankful to the Red Rider if you’dtried. He looks on edge, unsure of himself, for once and thoroughlyout of sorts. He wouldn’t admit it to you, but he hated the fact thatyou were hurt and he hadn’t been able to stop it.

He’spulled from his thoughts when your head suddenly rests against hisarm and you sigh tiredly.

“Thissucks. First the end of the world and now this.”

Yourhands fall on your stomach and begin to massage it. “Thanks foryour help, War.”

Hegrunts in reply, raising his arm so that you fall against his sideinstead, then he allows it to fall back to the ground, pinning youagainst him slightly.

“Youshould rest over the coming days,” he rumbles.

Youreyes flicker up to him, “War, no. I can’t ask you to put yourrevenge quest on hold for me.”

“TheDestroyer can wait,” the horseman argues softly, “If you bleedout-”

“War,I told you, I’m not going to bleed out!” you scoff. Hesimply grumbles quietly, but otherwise doesn’t respond.

Forclose to an hour, you both sit and stare into the fire. War is asalert as ever, ears pricked and hand resting close to Chaoseater,just in case. You, however, begin to feel your eyes droop. Thepainkillers have finally begun to work and the distinct lack of paincoupled with the horseman’s warm half-embrace is enough to tempt youcloser to sleep.

Reluctantly,you make to stand up, hoping to get to your bedroll before youcollapse, but you’re surprised when War suddenly tightens his hold onyou and shakes his head. Surprised, but not exactly complaining, youthump back down into the nook at his side and rest your head backagainst the broad chest.

Waroffers no explanation for his sudden clinginess, nor do you ask forone. Instead, you simply smile up at him, which he doesn’t return,choosing to furrow his brow at you and demand, “Sleep.”

You’reonly too happy to oblige.

Deathand Draven:Well it had to happen eventually. It had been a little under a monthsince you’d literally come crashing down upon the eldest horseman’shead, that fateful day after the apocalypse. But really? TheEternal throne? Certainly not the best location for a period tostrike. Still, as you’d said.

It hadto happen eventually.

Deathstalks across the courtyard towards the Chancellor, who sneersat the approaching horseman. You, however, manage to make it abouthalfway around the training circle that Draven and his spectreapprentices occupy before you’re suddenly hit with the sensation ofgetting sucker-punched in the gut.

“Holyshiiiiiit,” you whine loudly, “Death?”

Thehorseman pauses mid stride, tossing an irritable look over hisshoulder, but the irate glare quickly fades into an uneasy frown ashe takes in the washed-out pallor of your face. He elects to ignorethe Chancellor’s barked question, instead turning on his heel andmaking his way back across the courtyard.

Behindyou, a gruff voice asks you if you’re alright. Then, a large,spectral hand lands on your shoulder and before you know it, Dravenis looming behind you with his brow bones knit together, concerned.It suddenly dawns on you that the undead warrior used to be a humanhimself. Perhaps if anyone were to understand, it would be him. Youcast the approaching horseman a wary glance and take note of how manyresidents of the Eternal Throne have stopped what they’re doing towatch. You cower self-consciously backwards into Draven’s chest andwhisper up to him. “So, you know that….thing, that happens to awoman every month or so?” Trailing off, you crane your neckbackwards to look up at the undead. He casts you a quizzical look fora moment, tilting his head to the side. All it takes is an expectantraise of your eyebrows and suddenly, it hits him.

“Oh…OH!”The Blademaster’s loose jaw nearly unhinges in disbelief. “Youmean, right now, you’re…?”

You noddesperately as Death finally joins the both of you. If you’d beenpaying proper attention to the horseman and not the excruciating painin your abdomen, you might have noticed how he bristles when Dravenwraps a protective arm around your shoulders and leans close to yourear to whisper something.

“Undercroft?”the man murmurs.

Yousigh with relief and affirm, “Undercroft.”

Dravenhums before giving you a gentle squeeze and nudging you towardsDeath.

“TakeY/n down into the Undercroft,” he tells the horseman, who looks asthough he’s about to object to being ordered around by the undead,but Draven continues, “S'in the kid’s best interest. I’ll be rightback.”

Withthat, he turns to fix a ghostly eye on the onlookers.

“Don’trecall telling you lot to stop training!” he barks fiercely.“G'wan! Get back to it!”

Deathreplaces Draven’s arm with one of his own, draping it around yourshoulders and smirking when the other undead all fall over themselvestrying to pretend they hadn’t been gawking at you.

“Mindtelling me what’s going on?” the horseman mutters in a hushed tone.You open your mouth to reply but bite your tongue when a stab offresh pain lances through your stomach. So instead, you groan andhobble towards the undercroft with a highly confused Death in tow.

—

Down inthe storage room beneath the Dead King’s throne room, the horsemangently guides you to sit down on a pile of mouldy old cloth. Itsmells like the dead, but then, so does everything in this realm.Besides, right now, it’s the most comfortable place in the universe.

You’dbriefly caught Death up on your anatomy and what’s going on, but youwere surprised when he violently smacks his open palm against theside of his head and hisses to himself.

“Ofcourse, how could I have forgotten. Idiot.”

As itturns out, Death is all too aware of this particular plight.

Hemumbles an apology and slumps down onto the rags beside you.

“Isthere…” he hesitates, coughing before asking, “…anything Ican do?”

Youswing your head towards him slowly and blink, smiling a tired smile.

“Gotany painkillers in your Mary Poppins bag?”

Hesnorts. This isn’t the first time you’d likened him to this ‘MaryPoppins’ character.

Unfortunatelyfor you, he shrugs. “Fresh out, I’m afraid.”

“Ohwell,” you say with a wince. “Can’t have everything, I guess.”

Thehorseman beside you hums in agreement, then turns to face youproperly, shifting around on his knees.

“Tellme where it hurts.”

Youmeet his gaze with a bewildered frown. But, hesitantly, you gestureto your entire stomach. “All over. Head, back, stomach mostly.”

There’sa responding hum, then a large, cold hand is placed firmly over yourstomach and starts to rub in small, gentle circles.

Ofcourse, you flinch away, mostly due to the supernatural chill of hisskin, but when you recognise that he’s actually trying to beconsiderate, you fall still and watch him, astonished.

Thehorseman doesn’t meet your curious eyes in favour of staring down atyour stomach in mock concentration until there’s footsteps on thewooden stairs.

As ifit’s become a natural reflex, Death suddenly throws his arm out infront of you and whips his head around to the source of the noise buthe relaxes the moment he sees it’s only Draven.

“How’reyou doing?” the warrior asks when he spots you and the horsemansitting at the back of the storage room.

A quickglance at Death, then you look back to Draven and smile up at him.

“Betternow, thanks. Where’ve you been?”

Thepain in your stomach flares up again, causing you to curl in onyourself a little more and snap your legs shut for fear that yourtrousers could be stained without you realising it. Draven shoots youa look of sympathy, replying, “Went to see the old goat. Thought hemight have something that can help.”

Death’shand returns to your abdomen and begins its gentle circling motionsonce again. Meanwhile, you groan and stretch yourself out, trying tofind a more comfortable position.

“And?”you grumble.

Inresponse, the Blademaster holds up a familiar packet, sofamiliar, you could almost weep. You honestly thought you’d seen thelast of them since leaving Earth.

“Hegave me these,” he grimaces, “Not like any clouts I’veever seen, but Ostegoth assured me they were all the rage back onEarth.”

Agiggle stirs in you and bursts out before you can stop it. He looksso utterly out of place, if you were a little less tactful, you’dtell him he looked adorable.

Butinstead, you offer him a grateful smile and hold out your hand toreceive the blessed packet of sanitary towels.

“Draven,you are a Godsend. Thank you.”

TheBlademaster ducks his head and rubs at the back of his necksheepishly with a calloused hand. “Dunno about that, I’m just sorryI couldn’t find something to help with the pain,” he laments.

“Don’tworry about that,” you chuckle and throw your thumb over at Death,“got a horseman for that.”

Saidhorseman huffs. “I can always stop,” he threatens, lifting hishand slightly.

“Actually,”you shift forwards, getting ready to begrudgingly stand up, “Youmight have to stop, for now. I need to put one of these on.” Youshake the packet in your hand and Death follows you up. He moves tostand next to Draven and they both just stand there, watching youcuriously. Peering at them, you clear your throat suddenly. In aninstant, both Blademaster and horseman jump noticeably, spinningaround to avert their eyes and give you some much-appreciatedprivacy.

Youcan’t help but to laugh through the pain and shake your headamusedly. Gazing down at the sanitary towels in your hand, you make amental note to thank Ostegoth profusely and ask him how he managed toget his hands on them at all. You may still be in pain,craving something sugary and wanting to just scream and cry at thesame time, but at least you won’t have to worry about leaking. Dravenassures you that you can take out any of your frustrations on him, ifyou’d like. Death tells you that he can always ‘lend a hand’ shouldyou need it. You smile widely at their backs, glad that they’re sounderstanding.

#horsemen trying to be helpful #this was bad #darksiders #darksiders 2 #imagine darksiders

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steamishot · 5 years ago

Text

Changes

~4/21? I think my mindset shifted a lot this past week, especially after staying with Matt and his family for a few days. Admittedly, I used to be very fearful of going outside to public spaces and be extra cautious every time I did take out. For example, my family and I have “outside clothes” and “inside clothes”. I would immediately toss my “outside” clothes into my laundry basket when I arrived home from the market or picking up food, even if I was out for just 5 minutes. My parents were against me doing any uber eats or takeout. They believed home cooked food was the best during this time and refused to eat non-homemade food. My mom left the house less than 2 times this past month. My dad is less fearful - he’s gone out multiple times a week (to buy food and for work) and doesn’t really care, but my mom and I always gave him shit for doing so. I felt like a huge hypocrite going out to see Matt, and was afraid of how my family would react.

I’m really awkward whenever talking about love or romantic partners with my family - especially after what happened with my last parter. I’m avoidant. So I ended up only telling my mom I was going to leave to see Matt 30 minutes before I actually did pack up to go, which was very bad on my part. She was heartbroken and was super fearful and asked “can you not?”. She later called me during the car ride and told me not to come home for a month. Hearing that made Matt feel guilty, and he called my mom’s idea stupid. We got into a huge argument, with me trying to defend my family. I found out later there was some underlying resentment, where he felt like my family treats him like second-rate, which is probably my fault because I choose not to talk about partners to my family.

4/25- it’s now been over a week that Matt has been home and I’ve seen his family every single day even on the days that we were staying at the Airbnb. Things have been kinda tense between us (I think he’s being mean to me, he thinks I’m mean to him). I realize that this is due to several issues:

- Quarantine/pandemic stresses: he’s a frontline worker in the epicenter of covid and working at one of the hardest hit hospitals. Even though he doesn’t verbally acknowledge his feelings and pretends he’s ok, he’s definitely more stressed out than usual. During this time, he’s even more sensitive to any criticism I have. He used to take it all (mostly), but he’s been retaliating more often recently. On his end, he feels that his whole life is a sacrifice, and he’s working extremely hard especially during this scary time - why do I have to criticize him during his vacation? I should just let him enjoy himself.

-Attention: We’re staying with his family during this time, so it’s his time to catch up with everyone. He’s also catching up with his friends online. Because these are the people he rarely talks to (he calls me everyday vs. calling family for like 5 min once a week, and never calling/texting his friends), I have become last on the priority list in attention during his vacation. I keep telling myself it’s fine. However, because I’m also the person he is closest to, I feel like it’s me who puts up with his shit the most. Then I question, why do I have to be so nice to someone who is not very fit as a good partner (due to residency, especially during a time like covid), and on top of that has to be rude to me? I started feeling salty about that.

- Lack of comfort: not to be ungrateful, but I realize that staying at someone else’s home for an extended period of time is stressful, even more so under quarantine. I’m not carefree at his home, and I feel like I have to be on my best behavior/ “professional” around his parents. I lose structure in my daily life and I always have to depend on someone else. I have a few articles of clothing I’m wearing over and over lol. His dad generously gave us his room (because it’s attached to a restroom). However, we’re sleeping on an old spring mattress that creeks with every movement. We’ve had to have quiet, inhibited sex lol.

Anyway, I’m PMSing - 6 days before my period. I hate that I tend to PMS during the times that we have to spend together. I know my concerns are legit, but PMS can make it seem worse/more dramatic than what it is. I was watching Insecure season 4 yesterday, and there was a scene that stuck out to me. Issa’s best friend Molly (who has been single for quite some time) started dating a guy that she really likes. A few weeks later, she got upset that he wasn’t opening up to her. Issa asked something along the lines of “do you actually wanna be happy? you keep looking for problems.” Hearing that kinda put things into perspective for me, as I tend to focus on the negatives than see things as a whole.

Let’s focus on positive things:

- Having a partner in healthcare feels like having the fastpass in an amusement park. Going to costco and beating the line. Free stuff/food everyday. His mom is a PT at USC and she’s received free food, free orchids, free tangerines, etc. I stopped feeling guilty about being out for non-essential things (like going out for take out multiple times a day), because my doctor partner deserves it. When I return to my life at home, I’m not going to do this anymore. Also, he had a healthcare worker discount at the north face, and bought a jacket for me, his mom, and himself.

- Running. The men in his family are all into running. His dad is almost mid-60s and runs 5 miles multiple times a week. His teenage brother runs 7-9 miles like everyday. Matt used to run a lot too, and was the top runner in high school. That’s why even though he’s fat now, it’s only his upper body that is actually fat. His lower body still has that runner’s physique. I went out to the trail with them 3 times already. It’s hard because I have allergies in this weather, and also it’s damn hot. But I was able to run 3.5 miles last time. I’ll try for 4 today.

- Everyday, his parents always ask him what I want to eat. They’re so accommodating, especially his dad. Tea is sacred to his dad, and he never really shared before. No one else in his family was interested in tea either. But because I showed interest and love tea, he’s been asking me multiple times a day - do you want tea? Do you want wine? LOL. He buys breakfast everyday - dimsum, burger king, mcdonalds, chinese breakfast, etc. They always make sure I am fed.

4/30 - after I wrote my last blurb, everything started going uphill. We both became more understanding of each other, and more forgiving. He became more relaxed, I became more relaxed. We were able to have fun again. to highlight the fun times that i had with him and his family:

- the first or second day i was over at his parents house, his dad offered me some tea, but i declined because it was already late and i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to sleep. i asked if we could take some tea leaves to go since were staying at an airbnb at the time. matt says he’s protective of his tea. i think he was a little shocked when i first asked him, because no one in his family is interested in tea, but he gave me like 2 bags initially. his mom was like GIVE HER MORE, GIVE HER 10. SHE IS LIKE FAMILY. i felt a little awkward but i love me some tea.

- did so. much. takeout in 13 days. the first couple days I was still kinda paranoid about going out, but by the last day it felt like NBD to me. Got to eat poke, sugarfish sushi, nabemono hot pot, pho x3, banh mi, boba everyday, ramen x2 (men oh, ramenhood), burgers x3 (in n out, bunz, the win-dow), sugar cane x2, taro cake, yin ji chang fen, thai, philz, dim sum etc. it was reminiscent of our lifestyle whenever we went on vacation. we were still fatasses during quarantine.

- played board games with his brother and mom. played poker with the family and his dad. his younger brother and i lost early on cause we suck, but he and his dad continued playing for another hour and a half or so - matt ended up winning. but it was very nice to see them spend time together as spending time playing games like that was never a thing in their family

- i helped his family take some cute family photos (with and without masks on). his mom likes taking family photos and usually gets to do so on family trips, but said they didn’t get any this year because of the quarantine. the boys aren’t big fans of photos either so she took advantage of me being there. i was also part of a few family photos!

- made charcuterie boards for his family. they really enjoyed it.

- i spent some quality time with his 88 year old grandma. she mostly does her own thing (which is being babysat by an ipad), but one day i made her draw with me by following youtube tutorials - we drew a flower, mickey mouse, a cat, and a monkey together. she asked me to save a video so she can continue doing it and get better. another day, i wanted to have her write/read in english and chinese. his mom found an elementary chinese workbook and she ended up teaching me. the material was very easy and she was like “uh you’re already very good” lol. i then switched the roles and asked her to write in english - she was surprisingly very good and could write quite quickly. as an assignment, i asked her to write a letter to matt. it was precious. it took me back to the days where i would teach english to chinese seniors. i took a pic of them using my instax camera, and she really loved it.

- watched farewell with his grandma, brother, and mom. we already watched it once before so he was sitting in the back only paying half attention. his brother was immediately into it and got emotional at times. at one point, he had to stand up and go towards the back of the room because the emotions were too much to handle. matt said his brother was tearing up. his mom said that watching their family was very relatable and it reminded her of her own family. i tried watching this film with my mom and grandma, but they didn’t get it and found it boring. it was nice to watch a chinese-american film with a chinese family to get that commentary.

- ran/walked/jogged at the trail a total of 20 miles during my stay there

- did home work outs - yoga, blogilates and peloton HIIT with him, his family and friends. we did echo park steve’s yoga one day too. his mom enjoyed peloton yoga and blogilates and asked me to save the videos for her.

- in the first few days, his mom kept repeating “life is beautiful”. the first day, we cheered to him still being alive lol. (not funny and his mom was sleepless a few nights due to worrying, but i think it’s gonna be ok)

- news so I can remember: 3 programs in cali reached out to matt during his vacation, asking if he’s still interested in interviewing for a PGY-2 program. loma linda was one of them and would have been an amazing program to be a part of. it was a very hard decision, but he declined. he had already signed a contract with brooklyn, and this would require him to speak to his program director about his interest in switching programs. not a good look if you don’t actually get into the program.

- his parents (moreso mom) is an avid, adventurous traveler. they had plans to go to africa this year and talked about rescheduling. she included matt and i in the plans to go next year and said “the four of us”. matt brought up norway instead, since that’s more doable. so we settled on going to norway as a family.

- went with matt’s dad to drop him off at LAX yesterday morning at like 6:30am. he then dropped me at home, and officially met my mom for the first time. they shook hands and he told my mom “connie is so nice”. LOL.

After coming home yesterday, my mom bombarded me with questions about matt and his family. and then asked about our future and whether we are thinking of marriage. she is against me moving to nyc during this pandemic, and i hate how uncertain everything is right now. she also thinks that i should be engaged before i uproot my life to move over to be with him. i agree to an extent, but i also understand if he is not ready. it is crazy that we have now been long distance longer than being together in person, and with this pandemic, i’m not sure how long that’s gonna continue. i found out that my mom feels ashamed of me going to stay at a boy’s house for that long. a boy i am not engaged/married to. she doesn’t say it but the actions make me seem slutty to traditional people. she hid the information from my brother and SIL - i think because she would be ashamed if the info leaked out to her parents. that is why she keeps pushing the idea of marriage/engagement on me.

I took yesterday to kinda get used to being back at home, and felt quite sad to detach from my “second family”. In a way, even though it wasn’t always comfortable or easy, I at least felt I wasn’t stagnant. It was like a “bootcamp” to fit in with someone else’s family, their routines, and their daily lives. I’m also happy that I was pushed to run. They eat pretty heavy food, and they all overeat, but they also exercise a lot. My family portions well and eats very clean, but has milder workouts. Sometimes they intentionally skip meals to lose/maintain weight, whereas my family would throw a fit if we didn’t have food at a certain time. Their family is larger (130-190lbs), whereas my family is like (110-150 lbs)? After coming back home and eating my mom’s very clean food, I felt it wasn’t as tasty and I started craving heavier food lol. I think it would be beneficial for me to eat/live like their family for a few months (to gain weight and be stronger), and for matt to eat like my family to lose weight.

When we were eating takeout ramen one day, his mom mentioned that he never used to eat carbs. When he was at home and had a workout routine, it was just protein and veggies. I realize that without me, he probably wouldn’t be such a fatass lol. He said he would probably be too lazy to go out to eat, especially if he didn’t have a partner. I remembered that before meeting me, his diet would be soylent and protein bars. We’ve come a long way.

Anyway, I’m finally getting back into my routine at home. It’s kinda boring now, but I’ll adjust. I did only the minimum for work these past two weeks, and now UC Path is down for a week, meaning I can’t really do much work. I’m taking a half day tomorrow, using COVID admin pay. My tomato plants grew a lot. My ginger may have sprouted a little, but my strawberries seem like they’re a fail. Finally applied for PUA for my uncle, hope he will be receiving a paycheck soon. Supposed to get my period really soon so I’ve been feeling pretty lazy. I may start running outside on my own.

I’m worrying less about covid now. I used to freak myself out by reading the news everyday and following the subreddit, but looking at statistics, I feel ok.

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amevello-blue · 7 years ago

Text

Nausea/Stomachache/Stomach Virus Survival Guide

I deal with nausea and vomiting on a daily basis. I sometimes have to remind myself what to do on bad days, and also my mom who has to deal with me when I feel super gross. So I figured why not make a guide? This can be used for those who experience chronic nausea/stomach pain or for a muggle stomach flu. Also stomachs and digestive systems are weird, so it’s a lot of trial and error with what works for you and what doesn’t. This is how I deal with it, so if something doesn’t work for you don’t do it again!

This doesn’t include how to deal with throwing up if you’re emetophobic!

Nausea First and foremost, nausea sucks. There are a few ways to combat it! If you’re dealing with really intense nausea over long periods of time and you expect to be dealing with it for a while, ask your doctor about zofran. It’s a dissolve-on-tongue tablet that tastes sort of like peppermint. Personally I don’t mind the taste but some people find it absolutely disgusting so it’s sort of a balancing act on whether it works good enough to deal with the taste. If you can’t, brushing your teeth is always a good way to get rid of it. Toothpaste taste is strong.

If zofran isn’t enough, or you can’t handle the smell, look up “quease ease” on amazon. It’s an essential oil aromatherapy-type thing that helps with nausea. Doctors sometimes give it to surgery patients that are experiencing nausea. You just sniff it and it honestly helps a ton. It’s kept me from throwing up during flares and helped friends who are feeling a little carsick. It is my lifesaver. They come in little plastic packets if you plan on using them short term, or there’s a silver stick that you twist the cap on and sniff it for a more long-term situation. It may seem expensive but it seriously works wonders and it lasts FOREVER I’ve had mine for almost two years now and it’s still going strong.

Heat will make nausea worse. When you drink, try to drink something cold. Sometimes it helps the nausea, and if you’ve been throwing up you need to keep hydrated anyway.

Vomiting Keep a bucket by your bed. I use movie popcorn buckets because they’re cheap and easy to clean out. My mom has taken to buying me holiday-based buckets like halloween buckets and easter buckets to switch out. You can find them at the dollar store. Keep it within easy reach in case you don’t have much warning/can’t move much, make sure they’re deep so you can just stick your face in there. Also, keep one next to the toilet! Even if you have a garbage can in there! Because when you get up and move around to pee your entire digestive system goes crazy and you might throw up even if you didn’t feel like you were going to. Cleaning out a bucket > cleaning bathroom floor.

Stay close to the bathroom. You probably don’t feel too hot as it is, and by the time you figure out you have to throw up you feel even worse. Walking is not going to be your forte. Keep the path clear, especially since you might not make it to the bathroom.

Most of the time I recommend just getting it all out. You’ll feel a lot better afterwards than you will if you keep choking it down. That being said, if you’re throwing up a lot throughout the day, to the point where you’re throwing up water even, talk to a doctor. They can prescribe meds that actually stop vomiting.

Cool wet washcloths on your face after throwing up feels pretty great! Also good to brush your teeth afterwards. If you can’t handle the taste of toothpaste just use water, but it’s still a good idea to brush your teeth since vomit is acidic and it also tastes gross.

Eating/Drinking Most people probably won’t think much about eating when they have the stomach flu but I’m so used to it that most of the time, about an hour after I throw up I have to eat something. My default is plain saltine crackers! You can get them unsalted as well. Ritz crackers can worse as well, though I usually stick to saltines when I feel really bad because they don’t have much of a taste. Sucking on ice pops are also pretty good, the cold helps calm nausea. If you have your own ice pop mold thingy, gatorade ice pops are the bomb.

If you’re feeling like a bit more, plain sandwiches are good. Low-fat cheese and sliced turkey or chicken is my go-to. Rice is also bland if you cook it with just water and nothing else.

Keep in mind it takes a while for stuff to travel to your stomach. You want to eat just a little bit, like five crackers or something, before deciding if you can eat more. Don’t eat if you aren’t hungry. You’ll regret it later. DO drink as much as you can without stuffing yourself with water!

Bedbound Survival If you’re too sick to pull yourself out of bed except to pee, I suggest some things to do. The idea is to keep your brain as active as possible to take focus away from pain and/or nausea, so add or subtract activities you can do.

Watch YouTube! Let’s plays are how I survive. It keeps my ears and eyes busy without the stress of a TV show drama or movie. Your stomach can react to moods, so if you get anxious or excited it might get worse.

Take a snooze! Naps are great. Sleep when you can, especially if you have a muggle flu! You can be awake when you feel better.

Listen to a podcast! I wouldn’t suggest anything funny since laughing is very stomach-based and oh god laughing when your stomach is killing you is absolutely awful. I tend to listen to stuff that keeps my brain interested. Astonishing Legends is a cool podcast about unsolved mysteries and cryptids. They include theories and cite sources n stuff so really I just recommend it in general. They also have some humor but it’s not going to make you cackle while you’re vomiting so that’s a plus.

Video games! Some video games do cause nausea when I feel bad, even if they don’t when I feel okay, so I have a chart of games I can play and how ill they make me feel. Flat games or fixed-camera angle games are usually the safest bet, so I end up playing Pokemon or Animal Crossing half the time. Kingdom: New Lands on Steam is also a good side-scroller that doesn’t include too much skill or attention.

TV, as mentioned earlier, is usually too stressful for my upset stomach to handle. But I’m also really sensitive. If there’s a show you enjoy watching, watch it. Just make sure it doesn’t get you excited or riled up because your stomach will revolt.

Reading can sometimes make me nauseous. Kind of like carsickness except I’m just sitting there reading. I tend not to read a lot when I feel gross. Building on that...

Avoid social media! Especially if it’s something like Tumblr or Facebook where stuff that’s upsetting or gross can pop up at any second. If you’re using it to talk to friends that’s just fine, but honestly seeing discourse is the last thing you wanna deal with when you’re sick/flaring.

Get Comfy Depending on what kind of stomach pain/nausea I’m having I can get comfortable in different ways. Almost always, though, I am on my back, slightly elevated. I can handle my side sometimes, but laying on my stomach is a big no-no. Pressure won’t help. A pillow throne, however, definitely will. Blankets are a definite plus.

I usually have a fan on my face because it helps with my nausea, and the sound can be comforting as white noise. I have big lights off and maybe my glow lamp on, or my christmas lights that are up in my room on. It helps me fall asleep when I can.

Keeping Clean Nausea sucks, and vomiting is gross. Of course the best course of action is to hit the bucket every time, but some people aren’t as talented as I am at projectile vomiting into buckets (I was complimented by an ER nurse once because I made it into a bucket during a complete blackout I don’t remember any of it).

In bed, on the couch, or wherever you’re set up, it’s a good idea to have a towel or two down on your lap, or beside you. If you throw up suddenly, you’re first reaction is going to be to roll or sit up. Towels won’t keep everything off of sheets and blankets, but it will keep the worst of it off. I have a set of old beach towels for this purpose. Dollar store towels will also work.

If you’re positive you’re gonna throw up before you can make it to the bathroom, aim for wood/tile floors. Worst case scenario, grab the hem of your shirt and lift it like a bowl and throw up into that. You can change shirts and shower easier than you can get vomit out of the carpet.

Unfortunately I don’t have many tips on cleaning, which is because I am fortunate enough to have my mom clean up after me while I pass out in bed after a flare.

Recovery This can work for recovering from a muggle flu or for after flares. Keep eating bland things in very small, frequent meals instead of eating big meals only a couple times a day. Only eat when you’re hungry, but try to eat at least a little bit if you haven’t eaten anything all day. Keep drinking lots!

Try sitting up more often once you’re ready. Let your stomach settle completely and then stand up. Shuffle around the room a bit. Maybe go pet your dog for a bit. Use the bathroom, refill your drink. Go lay back down. Getting stamina back after a flare/muggle flu can be difficult, but remember to go easy on your body! Nap whenever you can, and if you aren’t sure you should be going out, be safe and don’t. Trust yourself about how far you can push yourself!

Anyway, thank you for reading! I hope this is helpful to someone somewhere someday. This is the only thing I have expertise in. lol

#a lil bit gross #if you're sensitive about throwing up probably should avoid this #/ emetophobia #long post #spoonie #spoonies #spoonie life #spoonie living #nausea #stomach survival

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sensitivitysensitivity · 6 years ago

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books i read summer 2018!

so, here’s all of the books that i read over the time of like, end of may to august, including my star rating as well as a short synopsis and a brief little paragraph about what i thought about it while i watch comedians in cars getting coffee. don’t read my reviews if you don’t want ANY spoilers. the reviews aren’t spoilery, it just has some hints to the end and such.

i. the hate u give by angie thomas

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

the hate u give is about a young african american girl named starr who is present when her childhood best friend is tragically murdered in an unwarranted act of police brutality, and how she finds her voice and the strength to speak out about the matter of police brutality with the support of her family and friends, as well as finding out who her real supporters are.

i adored this book with every last bit of my heart. the characters are absolutely hysterical, as well as strong and inspiring. i even loved starr’s stereotypical white boyfriend (who is being played by KJ Apa in the film adaption coming out this year and i literally yelled). i loved the way the book incorporated social media and such without making it seem as if teenagers are simply media obsessed. it really showed many different perspectives and sides to arguments that make you think, as well as inspire you to stand up for something you believe in.

ii. emergency contact by mary h.k choi

★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

emergency contact follows two college students who are seemingly lost in life, dealing with issues in their respective lives, who meet under strange and awkward circumstances, and take a liking to one another and start a friendship that consists almost entirely of text messages as they help one another through their woes of life, and develop feelings for one another cause yanno its a YA romance.

i didn’t NOT enjoy this book, but it wasn’t my favorite. i found penny’s character kind of annoying, and really rude sometimes, and i didn’t really love her dynamic with any of the characters, including sam who is the guy she is texting throughout the book. i really liked how realistic it was, kind of giving a real look into how life works i guess? i thought sam’s storyline with his ex girlfriend was incredibly dramatic and unneeded and it frustrated me, and the end of the story literally wasn’t affected at all by that storyline, it was just not needed. at all. like the ending was like cute and sam was cool but it was just kinda not as good as everyone online said it was. if it would’ve ended differently it would’ve gotten two stars lol.

iii. every day by david levithan

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

every day is the story of a genderless character that goes by the name of a, who jumps around from body to body every day into the life of somebody else, but they meet a girl, rhiannon, while in someone else’s life and they fall in love with her, and they then spend every day finding ways back to her

that was real hard to explain okay, but i really, really enjoyed this book. i found some aspects a little repetitive and it took some time to get to the point, but it was such a sweet story, and i loved getting to know each of the characters that a used as a host, and i enjoyed figuring out which characters that i liked more. i also liked the slight thrill of the kid who is trying to get a caught, as well as the ‘reverend’ who has the same condition as a, but learns to control it. i usually don’t like an open ending, but i liked this one since it implies a goes away to find out how to control himself and get back to rhiannon. overall i enjoyed it, and it was fun to read and get to know the characters, but i gained nothing from reading it because the ending was open and it felt like there was no actual point. i don’t know it was good.

iv. play me backwards by adam selzer

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

play me backwards is a really freaking weird story about the misadventures of leon who finds out his childhood girlfriend is possibly going to come visit, and is pushed down a rabbit hole of weird tasks he is sent to do by his best friend stan, who apparently is actually satan, such as finding the white grape slushee, date a popular girl, and listen to the full audio book of moby dick, all the while spending almost all of his time at the run down ice cream shop he works at. honestly that’s the best i can do the book is super freaking strange?

the weird thing about this book is that i actually really enjoyed reading it, and i actually really liked the character of leon, but i genuinely had no idea what the hell was going on the entire time. he was just kind of running around, like messing around with his girlfriend he didn’t like, thinking about some british girl, and being a lowkey satanist. like i have no idea what the point was, i honestly don’t even know what it was about. leon was a relatable character and he was funny, and i enjoyed his point of view, but the book was bad. the idea sucked and i felt like i was wasting my time reading it. but i had a fictional crush on leon and the ending like kinda forced itself into having a point, even though it was a stretch, so two stars only for leon. but i liked it. i don’t know.

v. eliza and her monsters by francesca zappia

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

eliza and her monsters is about a young girl, eliza, who writes/draws a world renound web comic, monstrous sea, but remains completely anonymous except to her three best online friends and her family, but then she befriends the new student at school, wallace, and she finds out he is that he is the most popular fanfiction writer for her webcomic, she finds it harder and harder to keep her secret as she falls in love.

so i read this book in ONE NIGHT. it was really good, and never failed to entertain me. i couldn’t blame eliza for falling in love with wallace cause girl i did too. he was such a cute character and so were her internet friends, and so were all the characters and i loved reading all of the little snipits of the webcomic, it was just adorable, and their love was adorable, and it was just adorable. plus it really puts a nice look on mental illness, and im not talking about eliza, wallace had extreme anxiety and it was very real and i really appreciated it. took away a star because eliza pissed me off on multiple occasions and i found her annoying a lot. other than that rEally great.

vi. i’ll give you the sun by jandy nelson

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

i’ll give you the sun is told from the perspective of twins noah and jude during two very separate periods of time in their lives, jude telling her story at age sixteen and noah at age thirteen, as they go through life, and falling in love, and family secrets and tragedies as the grow apart and back together.

okay so i didn’t know how to explain this without spoiling it completely, but WOW i loved this book. i genuinely couldn’t decide if i liked noah or jude’s story better, and finally decided on the answer being BOTH. it was so good, so emotional, noah and brian made me sob and so did jude and oliver, and i loved the characters and all the revelations they had and im just rambling and i feel like im making no sense but jesus, this book was amazing and the story was just so absolutely amazing. not a single flaw in this book. absolutely amazing OH ! MY ? GOD! absolute favorite of the summer.

vii. the absolutely true diary of a part time indian by sherman alexie

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

the absolutely true diary of a part time indian is the critically acclaimed novel about a teenage boy, junior, who had many medical issues who lives in an indian reservation, but decides that he is destined for greater things and decides to transfer to the “white school”, and he faces many challenges such as finding his place at this school and the backlash of the other members of the reservation.

it was very difficult for me to like this book, at first because of the fact that i read it for school, but then ONLY for the fact that i found out about the sexual assault charges against the author, and im so upset i bought the book and essentially supported the author before i was aware olf that, but that doesn’t change that i had to read this for school, and that i actually liked it. it was very aware of racism and a lot of racial stereotypes and provided very raw experiences and the drawings were fun to read. i don’t really wanna go on cause i don’t wanna praise it too much, but i took away a star cause sometimes i found it repetitive and some things simply didn’t have a point, but i liked it.

viii. a semi-definitive list of worst nightmares by krystal sutherland

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

this book tells the odd story of esther solar, who believes her whole family is cursed by Death, and whatever fear that cripples them throughout life will kill them. but the curse is threatening the life of her twin brother, eugene, she decides to face every fear she has written down on her list of things she must avoid so she never has to face the curse herself, with the help of an unlikely friend, to lure Death to them and reverse the curse.

so that summary probably little to no sense at all. because the book itself is so difficult to explain, but i actually really enjoyed it. it took me a while to read it, but i loved it. esther was a real character, with so many real flaws, and her ‘friend’ jonah who helped her overcome all of her fears, really brought out the best parts of her, as well as bringing light to the nature of abuse. the book dealt with a lot of real problems, such as mental illness, and does it in such a lovely and sensitive way, but without holding back, as well as showing someone who seemingly had no hope, get better, which i find amazing. the only reason i took a star away was because so many parts dragged on and i got bored sometimes, but overall, it was a great read with so many great characters and it was very whimsical and enjoyable!

ix. crazy rich asians by kevin kwan

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

crazy rich asians follows rachel chu and her boyfriend nick young as he brings her home to his ‘crazy rich’ family that he hasn’t prepared her for at all, and essentially don’t approve of her, as well as it follows everyone in nick’s extended and immediate family as well as some family friends and their extravagant lifestyles as well as all the drama that comes with being that freaking rich.

okay i adore this book. it was absolutely amazing, and i could barely begin to tell you all of the amazing characters and storylines, each one more interesting and intricate and extravagant than the next. i loved the representation, and accurate representation at that, of the asian culture. it was just great. other than being somewhat hard to follow at times with the constant perspective change, i loved it. the movie was rlly good too lol.

x. the kissing booth by beth reekles

★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

the kissing booth is the absolutely dreadful story of a young girl, elle evans, and her best friend, lee flynn, as they plan a kissing booth for their high schools fundraiser (for what? i have no clue) and elle ends up kissing her best friends older brother, noah flynn, and by a strange turn of events they fall into a forbidden (because lee makes the rules ig) romance.

really ended off the summer GREAT with this one! it sucked, it was horrible. there were actual, typos? in the book? it was incredibly sexist, literally making elle seem like a piece of property, and theres MULTIPLE occasions of sexual assault that is glossed over. in fact, the best friend lee assaults her (slapping her butt without permission) and when someone ELSE assaults her he says “no one is allowed to do that but me” thats reason ENOUGH. it’s gross how they both try and control her, and its honestly just bad. the story is all over the place, and it feels like a wattpad book, because it literally is, and i payed six dollars for it. so the jokes on me ig.

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xxmiaxx · 7 years ago

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A Reflection on 2017

Well, 2017 has flown by- LITERALLY FLOWN BY. I guess that’s kind of a good sign, usually good things go by quickly. While 2017 was not without it’s struggles, I’d say it has generally been an extremely successful year for myself in so many aspects of my life. Just to recap- here’s where I’m at with the resolutions I made myself last year for this year:

-LOSE WEIGHT: This resolution was actually a pretty huge success. I’m down almost 30 pounds from the beginning of this year which is pretty awesome! I didn’t hit my goal weight of 125 (I usually sit between 129-135), however, I feel and look great and EVERYONE has noticed. Definitely a successful resolution

-Get Organized: I did my best with this one lol. In my studio (when I lived alone) I actually had EVERYTHING organized to a science, I downsized the vast majority of my belongings, revamped my wardrobe to only include things I actually will wear, and had a pretty solid cleaning regimen down. However, after G-Unit moved in, things got a little less organized. Then we moved to a bigger apartment which started out beautifully organized, but quickly got less and less clean. Overall I’d give myself like a 6/10 in this category.

-Be Consistent: As far as my weekly schedules, this category has been a huge success. I moved to a sister restaurant from the one I worked at in 2016 (the one that I said made me want to kill people lol) that I absolutely love working at, and my manager is SUPER chill about scheduling. I’ve had a very consistent schedule in terms of days and shifts/hours for the majority of 2017. In addition, I picked up a second job as a Graduate Assistant at my University, which provided a very structured schedule as well. And of course my graduate cohort has been consistent since I began, so most of the time I was pretty positive ahead of time what my work schedule would look like exactly. In terms of being consistent in terms of sleeping, eating, cleaning, etc.... kind of didn’t happen how I wanted it to (hence the 4:30 AM tumblr post). However, I definitely think having my schedule be so consistent helped a lot with my anxiety in general, although I did feel overwhelmed at times, ultimately knowing what to expect on a weekly basis helped a lot.

-Lock down a skincare routine: Definitely a work in progress. I found products/a routine that works well for my skin, but again, the consistency on my end wasn’t there. My skin has generally either stayed the same or improved a little, and definitely hasn’t gotten any worse than before, so that’s good!

-Find a job that doesn’t make me want to kill people: HUGE SUCCESS! Ever since moving from the bar I had previously worked at to the location I’m at now I have felt so much happier and more appreciated and genuinely enjoyed going in to work. My coworkers are fun, I’m respected by my bosses, and as an added bonus the money is SIGNIFICANTLY better than my previous job (2-4X as much per shift ON AVERAGE). My current boss gives me kick ass schedules and sections, I feel extremely comfortable to be myself and don’t feel judged like I had previously, and I think my work performance reflects how happy I am at my new location. In addition, I picked up a second job in July at my University as a Graduate Assistant. While the title sounds pretty prestigious, I was essentially a glorified TA, in charge of grading student assignments, proctoring exams, tracking attendance, and holding office hours for tutoring/editing student papers. However, I honestly could not have been happier with the experience and look forward to continuing to work in my position next semester. Having a job in a more professional field has been a huge confidence boost, given me a great sense of responsibility, will look awesome on my resume (not to mention an awesome learning experience), and of course has padded my monthly income substantially. Both of my current positions make me feel so grateful because I know I’m genuinely liked and appreciated and FOR SURE not like I want to kill people (at least not for real (; )

-Work on being a cleaner person: I will say I definitely have tried with this, and in general I think I clean more than I have in the past. But in all honesty- a slob is a slob is a slob. It’s my nature and it’s a really hard nature to break lol but I will definitely continue trying to rectify this moving forward

-Say NO more and not feel bad about it: This is something I still struggle with. I still don’t like to say no to people as it makes me feel awkward, however, I’ve gotten a lot better at recognizing when I’m being taken advantage of and standing up for myself. I’ve done this professionally and personally, and I think this is definitely a skill I want to continue to practice and grow. Being a pushover sucks, but I think I definitely improved greatly this year.

-Drink less: Honestly, this category was probably my biggest success of the year. I cut drinking TREMENDOUSLY, to the point where I can recall being actually DRUNK only about 4-5 times the entire year. That’s CRAZY to me, because even in the past when I’ve been very focused on my goal, that is the lowest I think I have ever been able to honestly report. Granted, I still would have maybe a cocktail or 2 here and there every once in a while, but in general, I almost eliminated drinking alcohol from my routine. And, when I would grab drinks with friends after work or something, I was EXTREMELY responsible and able to limit myself to only 1 or 2 drinks and then call it a night, something I have NEVER been successful with. Eliminating the binge alcohol consumption has been AMAZING for my mindset, the way I feel, and how much I was able to accomplish in my life this year. Alcohol has DEFINITELY held me back in the past, and without it this year I flourished.

While my resolutions kind of speak for themselves, I want to break down all the aspects of my life and point out where they stand today at the end of 2017 and any major things that occurred this year:

Personal: My personal life is very low-key at the moment. There were MAJOR changes this year with who I interact with, how frequently, and how I feel regarding these interactions. The more this year went on, the more I was able to cut negativity out of my life and really focus on myself. I truly believe that the people in my life who are true, genuine supporters of me and real friends will respect this and understand why I had to make this decision, because I was being drained by people all around me. I also have noticed that there are a lot of people who still feel they can take advantage of me, and I think going forward this is going to be something I will definitely address.

Romantic: My love life did a full 180 in 2017. G-Unit and myself did rekindle our relationship back in January, and ended up getting engaged to be married in April. I am over the moon and definitely could not be happier with how this year turned out in this part of my life. Moving forward, I want to continue to grow with G-Unit and keep working together with living together, creating coping skills to work through arguments in a healthy way, and to generally fall more and more in love with him.

Professional: Professionally, I KILLED IT in 2017. I worked more hours this year than I have worked in any other year of my entire life. I think earning money and working hard has done wonders for my self esteem, financially I love being able to pay for things on my own and not rely on anyone else to supplement my bills, and I just generally feel like working hard has taught me a lot about drive and dedication that I wasn’t expecting. Professionally, this year was one of the best.

Financial: Financially speaking, I definitely killed it again in 2017. I have more money in savings presently than I have had at any point in time EVER in my life, which is incredible. I make enough money monthly to afford all of my living expenses on my own (G-Unit and I split them of course, but if we didn’t I could still pay it alone which makes me extremely proud of myself). In addition, I make enough to afford ANYTHING I want to buy virtually at any time, which is a position I haven’t really found myself in before. I’ve gotten pretty good with budgeting and sticking in the general realm of my budget (you know +/- $100 here or there). The financial security has helped a lot with my self esteem and anxiety as well, so this year has been spectacular for that.

Educational: I’m doing extremely well educationally. After a somewhat rocky start to graduate school, I’ve really pulled it together. This year, I finished with a 3.3 GPA and am currently sitting at an A in the class I am in. I didn’t take any time off from my program and expect to complete it on time, which is completely amazing!

Emotional/Psychological: I definitely feel like the life changes that occurred in 2017 for me have had a really positive effect on my self esteem and confidence, and ultimately lowered my anxiety a lot. I still have periods of pretty severe anxiety, and definitely some bouts of depression here and there, but NOTHING like I experienced in 2016.

Physical/Health: I feel really great ending 2017 in terms of how I look. I’ve lost a significant amount of weight which feels really good, and I generally feel really healthy and happy!

This form of new years resolutions has been really awesome to look back on, so I will definitely be posting my 2018 resolutions out to the universe very soon! So thankful and grateful for the overall success I experienced this year, and can’t wait to see what blessings next year has in store :)

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