#I dunno what the main opinion is when it comes to the Smile movies but I do not care I love them *so* much

[an-albino-pinetree]

:)

Carnival AU belongs to @sm-baby !

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

So since I'm making Smiling Critters stuff recently I wanted to share my opinions to the shippings and share my personal headcanons based off them:

I used this Tier List and came up with this:

I didn't even try to make it even it just happened, I dunno!

Let me go down the list as best as I can! Starting with my S Tier/My All Time OTPs;

Bobby Bearhug x Hoppy Hopscotch:

I think I mostly liked them due to their cutout lines: "I love you to the moon and back" "Wanna try hopping to the moon with me?"

I really love the aesthetic of femme x tomboy when it comes to my lesbian ships in a lot of fandom.

I can for sure imagine Bobby being really into Lovecore outfits and maybe some Cottagecore while Hoppy wears Jnco and a sports jacket over a tank top

They love outdoor dates! A nice picnic in the park is perfect, it's romantic and sweet, it can give Hoppy the space to be energetic, and if they stay late enough they can watch the stars

Craftcorny x KickinChicken:

This one I honestly think I started shipping thanks to Youtube

It's basically the least expected type of troupe so yeah I like it!

Crafty is taller than Kickin by a few inches and he's not complaining

He's her main supporter in her art

Their dates are either movies in their homes or going out. Sometimes it's at a gallery or museum or a park

Catnap x Dogday:

Okay, this was was my biggest ship for a while now. Like others, it was easy to find the ship and fell in love with her LOL

Dogday makes breakfast in the morning and Catnap makes dinner in the evening. Dogday makes enough to make sure Catnap is at least awake enough the first two hours of the day while Catnap makes sure he cooks enough to make Dogday more sleepy once they finished their night routine

I imagine they both had spots like freckles since my dogs and my old cat have dots, and they both love it

They both help each other's mental and physical health. Dogday makes sure Catnap has some exercise and has a much better diet and self care routine than when he was alone, and Catnap makes sure Dogday takes breaks and sleep properly

Since Catnap is canonically mute (selective mute or fully depends on how you view it), Dogday knows well what Catnap wants and what he says based on his body langue or their own simple codes

Their dates are mostly indoors for Catnap's comfort but on some occasion they have dates outside as either group dates or silent picnics

Picky Piggy x Bobby Bearhug + Craftycorn x Picky Piggy + Hoppy Hopscotch x Picky Piggy:

Okay this one was the random ones I just kind of the same slot but were high in my ranks and can be written as a poly

So-

Picky x Bobby: They can cook together and cuddle and have movie nights

Crafty x Picky: Picky can bake Crafty some cupcakes and Crafty can decorate

Picky x Hoppy: This episode was the ran reason for this ship so blame them LOL

Now onto my A Tier/Also my OTPs but aren't as big as my S Tier:

Bubba Bubbaphant x KickinChicken:

Their ship name is StarStudent which is cute

Also it's just the opposite troupe which again I love!

Bubba helps Kickin with studying and other school stuff while Kickin helps him with loosening up and having a break and fun

Actually their dates is in museums. Bubba loves to learn new things/explaining something and it's actually fun for Kickin/he likes listening to Bubba

Picky Piggy x Bubba Bubbaphant:

I blame this video too!

He makes sure Picky is healthy and she makes sure Bubba knows how to bake

They love watching Great British Bake-Off together

If or when there's a blood drive, Bubba helps the drive and Picky gives people juice and snacks to help them recover

KickinChicken x Picky Piggy:

. . . THIS EPIS-

Same as Hoppy and Bubba, Kickin helps Picky's health and helps find a exercise method in her comfort zone.

They are very protective of each other

Pigs show affection via groomy so I imagine Picky brushing Kickin's hair/feathers

They have picnics at least three times a week

Bubba Bubbaphant x Bobby Bearhug:

It's brain and heart!

"Kisses will heal all!" "Actually Bobby, they should really have medicine-" "Kisses will heal all."

Like with Kickin, Bubba helps Bobby with school often.

They love watching documentaries and cuddles on the sofa as their dates

Craftycorn x Bubba Bubbaphant:

I just think this ship is neat. That is all.

Bubba always checks on her and lifts her spirits often while also making sure she's comfortable

They just geek out and be cute

They go to art galleries a lot

Coffee shops are a must go

Hoppy Hopscotch x KickinChicken:

They're basically the first ship I liked before

It's a cute rivalry type of flirting with them

With that they both do a lot of friendly competitions together

They also for some reason give me Judy Hopps and Nick Wild vibes-

Now onto B Tier/Ships I Still like but aren't as big as the previous tiers:

Bobby Bearhug x Dogday:

Just two wholesome beans who love to support and care for others together

I also just really dig the color palette XD

They both have some issues with abandonment trauma and other stuff but they help each other out

Dogday always knows instantly when Bobby needs a hug and cuddle and she's never gonna complain

Catnap x Craftycorn:

So you know how in certain animes and shows there's always that one heteroship you feel the creator was winking at us like MHA with the audience basically telling which girl would be for which male cast? That's how I lowkey imagine this ship being

They basically mostly enjoy their company the most out of the others with Crafty not too energetic and talkative and Catnap is willing to stay still (i.e. sleeping) for her to draw him and always have a nice answer for her finished work

They're that couple who stay indoors mostly as dates but they're perfect fine with that

KickinChicken x Catnap:

I...personally do not know boo. Is it the emo x jock vibes? Is it the color palette?? Is it the fact it'd be funny for a bird to date a cat???

Either way I enjoy the ship enough

Also star and moon-

Kickin, much like with everyone else, tries to act cool around Catnap who doesn't buy that shit one second

Dogday x KickinChicken:

Two energy balls of different kinds in the same square

Sun and Stars-

They just bounce each others' ADHD together and it's funny

Bubba Bubbaphant x Dogday:

Kickin x Bubba but more chill

Bubba gives Dogday lots of pets and affection every time he gets a right answer in studying

And Dogday convinces Bubba to play a game in a form of a break

Dogday x Craftycorn:

Need I explain why I like the idea of the shy art kid x Mr. Sunshine Popular?

Dogday buys he so much art supplies

Crafty gives me flower crown headbands so imagine she puts one on his head a few times

Catnap x Bobby Bearhug:

Literally sweetheart x that one angsty kid who needs someone to love

I've seen some people implying out of all the Critters Bobby didn't like Catnap at all which feel out of character cause I imagine her being the only one besides Dogday to invite him out or check on him most

If she gets too anxious or tuckered out from love, he just helps her sleep

And now onto my final tier, the C Tier/The ships which are cute but not my thing/I more see them as siblingcore or just friends but that's up for debates if I find good fics:

Catnap x Picky Piggy:

She makes sure he's fed and he makes sure she sleeps

Remember how I said pigs show love via grooming? Well the imagine of them going back and forth grooming/affectionately caring for one enough is cute

Bobby Bearhug x Kickin Chicken:

I guess it's Miss Perfect Popular Girl x Skater Boi???

He'd be her hype man most

Bubba Bubbaphant x Catnap:

Emo x Nerd anyone???

Yeah that's all I got

Picky Piggy x Dogday:

Kind of like the Catnap x Picky one, he makes sure she's well even out in all other departments besides food while she makes sure he at least remembers to eat

Spot/freckles crew~!

Dogday x Hoppy Hopscotch:

Energy meets energy + ADHD

That's all I got too!

Hoppy Hopscotch x Bubba Bubbaphant:

Okay this one is a bit cute. It's sporty tomboy x booksmart guy

They both give me "I have a lot of family" vibes so they bond over that

Catnap x Hoppy Hopscotch:

"You need to get out and take a run lazy cat!" "You need to at least sleep for a full night and not chase the wind."

The literally most shocking/least expected couple

And that is it

[swordladywritesthings]

Choice Words

Pairing: Dreamnotfound (ooh thats new)

Words: 1972

TWs: miscommunication, a bit of anxiety. Let me know if there’s one I should list!

AN: So this is actually a school assignment, but since my teacher thought it was good and I still like it, it’s goin here. I know I don’t usually post MCYT content, but I’m hoping to change that soon! Don’t worry, Sanders Sides will probably stay my main priority for a while. (Also yes I’m still supposed to be on hiatus I know I’m a bad Christian shhhhh /j) Enjoy! EDIT! This is now available on AO3 here! for your viewing pleasure

George felt his head bounce against the school bus’ window as it bumped and sputtered its way down the road. He closed his eyes, hoping to catch up on some of the sleep that he had missed out on the night before, and now was sorely missing. This didn’t last long, however, because the bus screeched to a stop and the sounds of other teens climbing out filled his ears. George just sighed and was about to close his eyes again when he felt a pair of strong shoulders crash into his.

   He pulled his head away from the window to meet his best friend’s lively green eyes. “Dream, I’m trying to relax,��� he huffed, doing his best to smother the smile he felt creeping onto his face. “Do you mind?”

   “Nah, I don’t mind at all,” Dream responded with a cheeky grin, making George roll his eyes. He was just about to put his earbuds in when Dream grabbed his hand, stopping the movement. 

   “Uh, actually,” Dream said, looking down at where his and George’s hands met, “I had something to ask you.”

   “Mhm?” George just continued to scroll through his phone, seemingly not minding the contact.

   Dream suddenly found himself supremely more nervous than he had been a few moments ago. He took a steadying breath and just decided to spit it out.

   “There’s a new movie I wanna see coming out in theaters tonight, and I was wondering if you’d wanna come with me?”

   At this George turned his attention from Twitter to focus on Dream’s face. After a momentary pause, he smiled. “That sounds like fun! I’ve got homework to do, but you could pick me up later tonight?”

   Dream let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. “Yeah, totally. Around eight?”

   “Perfect, it’s a date then!”

   As George went back to looking at his phone, the bus came to Dream’s stop. He grabbed his backpack and gave his friend a goodbye smile, then made his way off the bus and up his driveway. When he was sure that it had turned the next corner down the street, Dream did a little jump and let out a whoop. He was so sure that George would turn him down that now that he hadn't, Dream wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself. After a moment of stimming, which mostly just meant standing in the driveway clicking his tongue and shaking his hands up and down, he had regained his composure enough to be able to enter his house without immediately being teased by his sister. 

   At 7:30 that evening, Dream was standing in front of his full-length mirror and evaluating the outfit he had chosen. It was nothing fancy, just a pair of jeans and a lime button-up shirt, but that was exactly the issue. Was it too formal? Or not formal enough? This was his first date with George after all, he didn’t want to disappoint. 

   It was in the middle of this scrutiny that his sister spoke up, leaning against the doorframe casually. “You look fine, idiot,” Drista said with a teasing grin. “You know he’s gonna like you no matter what you dress like, don’t stress about it.”

   “But what if I overdress? Or underdress? What do people even wear to movie dates anyway?”

   Drista shrugged. “I dunno, I’ve never been on one. Probably what you’d wear for a usual date,”

   “Thank you for the help, dear sister,” Dream said sarcastically, turning his head to give her a deadpan expression. She stuck her tongue out at him, so of course he had to stick his tongue out at her.

   Their teasing match was interrupted, however, by their mother calling up the stairs. “Clay, George is going to be expecting you! Shake a leg!”

   “I’m going!” Dream hollered back, taking one more moment to fuss with his hair. Drista sighed and walked over, fixing it for him. 

   “You’ll be fine, Clay. You’ve known him for, like, ever, and just because you’re going on a date doesn’t mean that either of you are any different than you were this morning.”

   Dream nodded, and Drista gave his arm an affectionate whack. “Now get out of my house, you nerd.”

   “I’m still older than you!” He protested as he grabbed his keys and walked out the front door.

   The drive to George’s house was a short one, and soon enough he was knocking on the front door of a small ranch-style house that served as the Found household. He took a step back from the door when he heard muffled barks and scrabbling of nails on the other side. George cracked the door open, pulling three very excited dogs away from where they were trying to push out the door and run into the front yard. He smiled a bit sheepishly at Dream, then turned his head to call over his shoulder. “Mum! I’m leaving!” After a faint response had been hollered back, he shoved his way out past the dogs and onto the front porch.

   George huffed, brushing his sweater free from the dog hair that clung to it. “Sorry about that, the dogs just get excited when someone comes to the door.”

   “Don’t worry about it, I’m used to your dogs by now,” Dream chuckled, bumping his shoulder against George’s. “You look nice.”

   “Thanks,” George fidgeted with the hem of the blue sweater he was wearing, kneading it between his fingertips. The outfit wasn’t really anything special, but it was one of Dream’s favorites. The color made the brown of George’s eyes richer, and it looked especially good paired with the light pink blush that was currently painted across his face. 

      Soon enough the two of them were sitting in the plush red chairs of the theater, watching previews and waiting for the movie to start. It was a pretty small showing, there were only two other couples in the entire room, so Dream and George were free to spread out. George had his legs slung over the armrest, leaning his back against Dream’s shoulder, occasionally tipping his head back to give him an upside-down grin. In a way that confused George to no end, Dream had managed to fold his long legs underneath him so he was sitting cross-legged on the chair. He had one arm hooked over the back of the seat, not quite around George but close enough to feel the warmth coming from him.

   The background chatter of the theater quieted to a hush as the lights slowly faded and the beginning of the movie started to play on the screen. George flipped around in his chair to sit normally and shuffled closer to Dream’s side in excitement, causing butterflies to erupt within the taller boy’s chest. He casually dropped his arm to rest around George’s shoulders, then settled back to watch as the main character dashed onto the screen.

      The movie’s plot climax was fast approaching, and George wasn’t handling it very well. He was curled into Dream’s side as the scene around the main character exploded, and he practically shoved his face into Dream’s shoulder with an anxious squeak when the character onscreen only narrowly avoided the hunters chasing him. Dream couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle at George’s reactions, earning him a firm whack to the bicep.

   “Don’t laugh at me! It’s a very intense moment!” He mumbled, though the effect of his statement was diminished slightly by the fact that he was still hiding his face in the lime green fabric of Dream’s shirt. 

   “Aww, don’t worry Gogy, I’ll protect you,” Dream cooed teasingly, patting his head fondly. With a quick glare towards him, George turned back to look at the screen, though he didn’t move from where he was basically plastered to Dream’s side. Maybe if he had looked closer, he would’ve seen the smitten looks that Dream couldn’t resist giving him every couple of minutes. Or maybe he would’ve caught the way that Dream stiffened momentarily when he grabbed George’s hand, caught up in the moment. Or the relief that flooded over him when George just squeezed it without a second thought.

   The two of them got so caught up in the movie that it took both of them by surprise when the lights came back on and the credits started rolling. George pulled away from Dream’s hold to stand up, which made him pout for a moment, but returned to stand at his side when he had gathered his things. Together they walked out into the parking lot, where George talked animatedly about the characters of the movie while Dream watched in amusement. The drive back to George’s house was filled with much of the same, George sharing his thoughts on the plot and characters while Dream listened happily, throwing in his own opinions here and there.

   Dream did his best to swallow his nerves as he walked George up to his front porch, catching his elbow when he went to open the door.

   “I had a really nice time tonight, George,” He smiled at his best friend, hoping he sounded a lot calmer than he felt.

   “So did I! Thanks for inviting me. We should do this again sometime,” George chirped.

   “You think so?”

   “Definitely!”

   “In that case,” Dream said, taking a deep breath and trying to gather his courage. “Would it be alright if I kissed you goodnight?”

   This seemed to take George off-guard, taking a small step back and giving him a baffled look. “What? Why?”

   “It’s okay if not!” Dream rushed to backtrack, bringing one of his hands up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly. “I just figured that’s what people usually do after a date goes well.”

   So many emotions flickered across George’s face in a matter of moments. Disbelief, realization, guilt, eventually landing on a mix of confusion and sadness. “Clay,” He started softly. “When you asked me to come with you tonight, did you mean it romantically?”

   A look of horror and embarrassment struck Dream’s features. “Did you think I meant it platonically?”

   George nodded silently, and Dream buried his face in his hands with a groan. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I should’ve made it more clear. Jesus Christ, I’m such an idiot.”

   “Hey, hey, don’t talk about yourself like that!” George said sternly, drawing Dream’s gaze from his palms to his blushing face. “Maybe there was a communication issue, and maybe neither of us completely understood the point of tonight, but that does not make you an idiot,” his voice softened as he watched Dream’s face flush. 

   “You’re right, I’m sorry,” Dream mumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets self-consciously. “I should probably get going,” he went to turn away but felt a hand reach out and grab his forearm before he could. 

   “Clay, I…” George hesitated, trying to find the right way to say what he wanted to say. “I did really enjoy myself tonight, and I’m sure that I would’ve acted differently if I had known how you felt about me,” He quirked his lips up into a smile. “Can we try this again? Do it right next time?”

   Dream’s eyes shone with cautious excitement. “Really? You wanna go on an actual real date with me?”

   George nodded, and Dream smiled excitedly. “Okay, let’s do that.”

   George turned to look at his front door, then back at Dream. “I gotta go, it’s late. Text me when you get home, okay?”

   Dream nodded, then reached out to gently squeeze one of George’s hands. “Yeah, absolutely. Good night, George.”

   George hesitated for a split second, then rose onto his tiptoes to press a quick kiss against Dream’s cheek. “G’night, Dream,” he murmured, then disappeared inside his house, leaving Dream on the porch in stunned but ecstatic silence.

TAGLIST

General: @definitely-a-living-human @my-friends-art-and-writing @arodynamic-enby @ari-the-writer-enby @me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink @asexualtrashcan @the17thmeatball @inku-snas-art @fandoms-are-my-world

MCYT: @gabnapp @justalittlecorrupted

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Reviews: The Town Where Everyone Was Nice! or Scrooge Is the Lindburgh Baby

Saludos Amigos! The Ride of the Three Cablleros has at long last come to the last stop before it’s final phase. It’s been a hell of a ride so far: Our boys have tried to woo some ladies, performed some black magic, had some sort of drug trip, dealt with Donald’s ego, helped goofy ungoofy himself...

“SEASONS CHANGE, TIMES CHANGE BUT UNGOOFY IS FOREVER AND ALWAYS HE IS ALWAYS THERE” ... I created this magificent stalion.. kinda I think he came out of a styigan hole in the universe from the darkest dark in the dark of the dark... I can’t be sure. Our heroes fought an arrogant prince, found a lost city and helped donald get his smile back. All culminating in our heroes going to Spain for some reason, soundtracking Goofy’s win against Horace in Flamico Dancing, somehow that wasn’t a Covid induced fever dream I had but the actual premise of the episode, and then played some soccer with Daisy’s cousin and Pancho Pete. All in all we’ve had some good times getting here and I feel acomplished having made it this far. While I’ve still got quite a ways to go, getting this far means I really made something.. and not just the 80 something dollars it took to comission all of this. And I genuinely just want to thank all of you for reading these as these have easily been some of my most popular reviews and @weirdkev27​ for comissioning all of this. It’s been easily one of my faviorite projects so far and I look forward to the final leg of it soon. For now though we have one last adventure before the biggest one starts.  But before we can dive into it you probably have a few questions, and since I don’t really need to give Ducktales 2017 a lavish introduction as unlike most stuff so far this show is well and familiar: it’s what got me started reviewing animation on this blog, it’s what got me into the duck community as a full member, and it’s what caught Kev’s attention leading to this entire series. So I have time to answer the questions your probably asking and if your not.. well here’s the answers anyway Wait aren’t you going to cover Louie’s Eleven?: Nope. While I love that episode, I already did a full review of it earlier this year.  I saw no reason to completely and utterly redo the entire thing when my opinions toward the episode haven’t really changed. That being said since I didn’t touch on the boys characterizations in that one too much and since I do want this retrospective to be comprehensive, I will talk about Panchito And Jose’s characterization there briefly during this review at the right time as a compromise. 

Wait why isn’t THIS the last stop since it came out AFTER Legend of the Three Cablleros: Simple.. it felt unsatsfying to both me and kev to end on this one. While their apperance here IS a good one and a big deal... it’s also ANOTHER guest apperance. It’s something I didn’t quite realize for now but outside of the movie.. every apperance after is them guest starring in another series. Their aperances in Don Rosa’s Duck Comics, while awesome and treating them with proper respect, were still them showing up to shake up Donald’s stories and formulas. They were LITERAL guest stars in House of Mouse, and Roadster Racers was entirely just “let’s shove them in there because we can”. Legend.. is their story. Their moment in the sun after too damn long with all three as main characters and while being a lead is normal for donald, Jose and Panchito really HAVEN’T had that shot outside of their home countries. To be the hero of their own fully realized epic adventure. So it just fits best to have the road lead there instead of have all that happen.. then go back to yet another guest appearance. The other major factor.. is that while Legend came out around the same time as ducktales, to the point many compared and contrast both shows treatment of Donald, this episode is what most non-latin american audiences saw first as it took Disney WAY too damn long to air the series over here.. i.e. until Disney Plus launched, finding it somewhere online was the only option despite the series being produced in america with some really big american names voice acting wise. Point is this came first to some people, so i’m using that as a flimsy excuse to put it ahead so we get a better finale. 

Now all that’s settled, let’s dive into “The Town Where Everyone Was Nice!” and see what one of the best duck propeties period makes of our boys. 

We open in a remote town in Brazil. It’s the Festival of the Flower.. which is a bit off to me. While it DOES kind of make plot sense.. the problem is the lure was written to Panchito and Jose.. Jose whose a brazil native and could’ve possibly been supscious that a tourist invintation wasn’t in Brazilian Portugese, the countries national language and something I specifically researched just to see what it’d be called. For the record it’d be O Festival da Flor acording to google translate, which still sounds neat, Webby could’ve still said it means festival of the flower. It just feels like a missed opportunity from a creative team that’s taken such pains to make the series feel as authentic as possible and clearly put a lot of hard work and research into making each location feel like it’s real world counterpart.  But it’s a minor thing and we soon get our two plots for the episode: Our B Plot.. is that Dewey can’t stay the fuck off his phone and is taking pictures rather than actually getting experiences with Louie enabling him, while Webby gets increasingly frustrated at Dewey not actually botherting to experince this unique and obscure culture. We’ll get back to this in a bit. 

Our main plot naturally concerns the reason our heroes are here: Donald is reuniting with The Cabs, who in this continuity are his old College friends who Scrooge hates due to having to listen to them practice constnatly and tells the kids they’d hate it worse than his playing the bagpipes. 

Bagpipes are objectively the worst insterument on earth. They are loud, unharmonic and generally just obnoxious. I do respect how important they are to Scotland, home of David Tennant, Grant Morrision and .. Alan Cumming and James Macavoy? Wait what? that’s awesome! Point is Scotland is great but I do not like the bagpipes except when Bugs Bunnny is murdering them. Honestly Donald’s college band was probably more like this. Nothing bad at all just mildly pathetic and mildly pathetic is what got Donald a girlfriend, so it’s not a  bad look

That brings me to another point: Scrooge is pretty obnoxious in this episode. It seems like his sole reason for coming was to bitch about Donald’s old college band. He could’ve just sent them a stern letter like the pros at being a cranky old geezer do. 

I do GET why he’s here as there are some REALLY damn funny bits with him in the a-plot, it just feels like they could’ve justified it better. But on to better things as Jose and Panchito enter the scene after Scrooge claims they “weren’t so cool”.. with Panchito diving from a plane and drifting down on his umbrella

And Panchito shows up dramatically playing the guitar. A truly awesome and worthy intro to our boys. So let’s talk about them in this series. Honestly the two really aren’t that diffrent from usual, though Jose’s lady chasing is given to Panchito, his footloose world traveling lifestyle remains in tact as does his genuine charm while Panchito remains the peppy one, just with his outbursts gone as his guns are replaced with cell phones.. 

Yeah while I do get replacing the pistols because let’s face it the mexican of the group being a gun nut was pretty damn unfortunate, though Don Rosa toned it down and justifed it well, and frankly guns are a hard no for family shows these days unless their laser guns so replacing them I get. But instead of I dunno giving him knives or turning his holsters into pouches carrying his stuff.. he just has two Cell Phones. It’s weird. It dosen’t really make sense other than for him putting on a big shot act and even big stars probably don’t have two phones on them at all times. It’s just a VERY weird update that makes not a whole lot of logical sense and I belivie is thankfully gone by the next ep. The only real issue I have is the two just sorta blend together personality wise instead of being distinct like usual, but that’s also happened in other apperances, so it’s not exactly a new or unique problem, and the two’s voice actors do a great job making both feel like they should. 

Speaking of which let’s just go ahead and discuss that elephant in the room: The Cabs were recast for the first time in ages, which didn’t sit well with friends of legend as Eric Bauza, who’d replaced rob Paulsen, was himself replaced by Arturo Del Puerto and Bernado Del Paulo replaced Jamie Camil and Carlos Aquazi as Panchito. And I have mixed opinons on this one: Replacing Eric was a no brainer: while he’s a terrific voice actor.. he’s not brazilian and the crew of Ducktales 2017 perfer to cast actors who match their characters backgrounds, which again adds to the authenicty of it’s globetrotting and scope. They don’t ALWAYS, Cree Summer isn’t, as far as I know, Egyptian and Catherine Tate, while wonderful, isn’t italian. But for the most part it adds a nice flavor to things and frankly I personally prefer it when Jose is voiced by an actual brazilian man. So that change i’m fine with. Not using Camil though... I do not get. Jamie Camil is a throughly talented voice actor, having done TONS of great work lately , vocing Globgor for star vs and not getting nearly enough screen time as the loveable demon dad, and stealing the show as Don Carnage earlier in the series. While that episode is one of the series weakest, he’s still easily the best part of it and I hope Carnage shows up one last time before the finale. 

So it really makes.. no sense to me to replace him. Not only is camil a bigger named actor, but he was already on the show and even the defense of “well they don’t want actors playing multiple rolls” ended up utterly destroyed by the end of the season, as Christ Dimatopolus not only reprised Storkules, but went on to play Drake and Melon, and picked up a FOURTH role in season 3 as Hades. My point is the show has no real issue with doubling up on voice rolls, so I scratch my head as to why Camil wasn’t given this part too despite being the obvious choice. Del Paulo isn’t a bad actor and is great in the role.. I just scratch my head why he was needed when a perfect actor for the part was right there and already had experince with the character. 

I do think Puerto and Paulo are terrific and do the characters justice, issues with Paulo being there at all aside, and they do a great job and more than earned the roles and I don’t think the mass critcisim of this version of the characters is entirely warranted.. for this episode. This episode while they can meld into each other... that happens in most of their apperances anyway, so it’s not unusual or unique to this series. I will say however that the way their written in their next apperance is utter garbage: they aren’t really given any chances to be distinct, are basically written as one person even worse .. and that one person is a greedy asshole who takes advantage of their friend and never apologizes. I do get why people did not like them in that episode. I do think it has no baring on this one and people should stop bashing these versions as a whole for one terrible episode, especially when Louie has been written pretty badly for the bulk of season 3, yet is still not a bad character. It’s unfair to paint the series as painting them soley as selfish jackasses when it didn’t at first and hopefully wont’ again when they presumibly show up for the finale’s big avengers endgame sequence I hope is coming. For now they aren’t bad and the colors are crisp and the animation nice and bouncy on our boys. 

Since we have two plots here, I’m just going to go ahead and split em since honestly, the b plot dosen’t really impact the a-plot until really the last minute and is basically happening right along side it and in concert with it. Sooooo... 

The Trite B-Plot: As you can probably gather I didn’t really like this one. It’s basically 5-7 minutes of me wanting to punch a child in the face. Or rather Webby wanting to have fun experinces and actually take in the culture while in town, while Dewey just wants to take pictures of everything, make it seem like he did stuff, and generally is obnoxious to webby while Louie supports him wholeheartdly. That last part is really one of the few good parts of the plot as it’s nice for one of the brothers plots to NOT be about them being in conflict or squabbling but just hanging out and having some fun, doubly so since i’ve had to spend a season watching Louie , outside of a few good exceptions be an absolute dick to Huey and also Dewey once. It’s nice to just see him and Dewey bond over a shared intrest: posting shit online and getting good photos. 

And it’s not without GOOD gags: Dewey’s obnoxious captions at one point while Webby continually looses her shit, Louie continually saying “that’s so wise” at Dewey’s bullshit philosphies, Webby’s continued annoyance is delivered great by Kate as always, and the best bit is Webby, utterly pissed at Dewey for refusing to eat Local Cuisine, wolfing down the entire fucking plate, all the dumplings in her mouth at once while Dewey, naturally, takes a picture. Otherwise this is just.. grating. It’s utterly grating to watch Webby GENUINELY try hard to absorb the local culture and really enjoy a once in a life time experince.. while Dewey jackasses about and basically acts like she’s wrong for it and treats his best friend like garbage. Just because i’ts nice it’s not Louie this time doesen’t make one of the kids being a dick without any nuance or character stuff suddenly great. It’s just tiresome. 

And SOMEHOW , despite already not liking it the first time watching the episode.. it’s even WORSE now afterlast years. No not because I watched it while having to put up with Coronoavirus induced Chills, but because another show did this plot 100 times better: Close Enough. One of the best new shows of the year, Close Enough had a plot where exes Bridget and Alex, aka yet aother great set of Kimiko Glenn and Jason Mantzokus characters, went on vacation together, but their attempts to have some ex sex fell flat due to longstanding issues we found about through this plot: Bridget has a bad habit of doing what Dewey did, focusing way more on her social than actually enjoying her vacatoin while Alex has a bad habit of befreinding random weirdos who agree with his worldview. Keep in mind this is the same worldview that spent an afternoon connecting garfield to jesus while pissing in a jug for some reason. Point instead of a character just being a smug dick, it ties into actual character flaws that helped us not only learn more about them but lead to a really heartwarming scene where the two admit they jsut can’t sleep together casually with allt heir baggage, and that they still have a lot to sort out. Before given the show their on having their friends show up from the a plot and all of them getting kidnapped by a robot because Josh skipped a bunch of ads and a 5 year old has to solve some issues and prove she’s not dumb to blow up said robot. What i’m saying is it’s even more insufferable watching this after seeing it done a thousand times better, and fucking watch Close Enough. Thankfully unlike Inifnity Train it’s not reliant on you to get a second season as it’s been renewed proving that even in a cluster fuck like 2020 miracles can happen, but it’d still be nice for it to get more fans during the presumably long wait for Season 2. Let’s move past this, i’ll get to the plot relevant bit for the climax when we get to the climax, and onto the reason your all here. 

The Main Event: A Life Not Wasted

Okay onto the actual plot. Rewinding quite a bit, the boys meet our boys, and we get some good bits. The boys cool new handshake leaves Huey wanting one only for Louie to simply lick his hand. See this is Louie dickery I can get behind because what did Huey expect? I do take comfort in the fact he has actual friends now who will likely do a handshake, fenton very much included. I’m sure Gyro didn’t want one either so he’s had plenty of time to workshop. We also find out one of the boys was dropped as an egg and well.. given Dewey opens and closes his eyes one at a time for this one moment, the ohter triplets just sorta.. silently agre it’s Dewey. IT does explain why he thought Champ Popular would get over..that and Santa Claus is Going to Highschool being his favorite movie. 

So both Jose and Panchito claim to be sucessful: Jose being a sucessful jetsetter and trendsetter, and Panchito being a world famous pop star, never stop stopping. So Donald being donald panics and runs into a alley where Scrooge and Huey join him.  Donald is fully convinced he’s wasted his life and has nothing to show for it. Huey rightfully points out he raised three wonderful children and isn’t that enough? Naturally given Donald clearly has some issues related to this subject and Scrooge has develoved into old man yells at cloud, he agrees it’s not important as money. So Huey decides to help his uncle because he’s the good son.. and because the two are easily the most alike out of Donald and his Kids. It’s something I haven’t really been able to bring up before so I was delighted to realize i could now: Besides the obvious people bring up constnatly, I.e. Huey having inhereted the most of the family rage out of his brothers, there’s the fact both are kind of obessive, both tend ot spiral into panic when a situation goes wrong, both are awkward with women, both are frequently ignored or taken for granted by those around them, and both are awkward adorable dorks who I will give my life to protect. It’s why I think Huey has the best relationship with his uncle of the bunch: He’s the only one who at least TRIES to empahtize with him and support him. While the other two do love him, and Webby of course likely has an insanne and horrifying shrine of him, and scrooge and probably della now in her closet.. and of course lena but that’s less out of hero worship and more out of her insane, over the top, very webby version of love. Point is, he’s the one who genuinely sees his uncle as a person who needs help and love. This was best demonstrated in the scene at the bank back in “Who Is Gizmoduck” as Huey tries to get his uncle a loan using the guidebook and is there soley to help the guy and taking time out of his day to visit the bank. Let’s face it though this is huey: he probably loves visiting the bank. They just got new pens! So Huey decides to put his improv badge to good use... so far the only use he’s gotten is Louie laughing at the fact he actually earned an improv badge and urges donald to simply ACT like he’s sucessful. Scrooge balks at this, because as Wonder Woman 1984 taught us nothing good comes from lies.. or from  banging your ghost boyfriend while he’s possessing someone’s body without said body’s consent and plan to fully live out the rest of your lives togehter without ever considering how fucked up this is. I will..deal with that movie ... soon. But he soon changes his turn and agrees to go along with it to avoid Jose getting upset and them having to pay for everything. 

So Huey suggest Donald keep the lie small, but belivable. Given the law of sitcoms when it comes to anyone saying that and the fact this is Donald, he instead panics and lies that he’s taken over McDuck industries and scrooge has gone full abe simpson in the other direction. 

Which is why i’m not enitrely annoyed by Scrooge’s presence: while they don’t even handwave him being here, Scrooge putting on an old man act, and sometimes getting back at donald for it is solid gold the whole damn time and some of David Tennat’s best comedic acting on the show, so it makes up for him being a grumpus.  And while i’m not usually not a fan of liar revealed plots, this one works for me.. mostly because it’s rooted in character. Here Donald is lying.. but because of deep seated neurosis he’s yet to fully tackle. While he loves his boys and is proud of htem every day... it’s very clear Donald hates his life and how it turned out. We got bits of this back in House of the Lucky Gander, with Donald’s first thought upon thinking he’s about to die is “I wasted my life” and feeling entirely like a looser. This episode brillinatly builds on that: it shows a Donald who simply feels.. he acomplished nothing. It’s easy to see why as his parents were happy and sucessful at whatever they did from the looks of it and how well taken care of the kids were, his uncle is the richest duck in the world and it’s greatest hero and explorer, his sister is the only one who could rival that record, and his cousin constnatly gets riches and fame handed to him. Donald.. by comparison.. is just a normal guy whose house is in his rich uncle’s pool, who has no job, no partner, and only really the love of his family. He spent his life on adventures he didn’t want to have living int he shadow of someone he grew to resent before the Spear of Selene incident blew things up for a decade. And then when he was free instead of becoming a big sucess... he blew the rest of it being overprotective of his boys and bouncing from dead end job to dead end job. It’s easy to see why he sees himself as a failure despite having lived a good life: compared to everyone else, even his sister who mooned herself, in his life.. he feelsd far behind. And as someone whose felt they were far behind countless times and only now is realizing they haven’t and it’s a marathoon ot a sprint I naturally relate. So his wanting to play big shot for just ONE day, to be the big hero like scrooge, teo be a sucess for five minutes with his best friends.. it’s understandable and relatable. 

So Donald continues the ruse, leading to a great bit where the cabs all try to avoid picking up the check “WE can’t all keep whistling nonchalantly” before Scrooge is forced to give Donald the money to in the best joke of the episode.. and I mean FORCED. He and donald get into a fight with their hands under the table and Huey eventually gets fed up with that and has to BITE his uncle’s hand just to get him to do what he shoudl’ve done ruse or no given he’s the richest person there. The reason I take special offense to this.. is that my fairly wealthy grandpa and grandma, my mom’s dad and his wife for the record, would buy us dinner EVERY TIME they were near town, a nice steak dinner with whatever we wanted to most of the time. They knew we couldn’t afford such luxury half the time and wanted to treat us and spend time with us. Since my grandpa’s passing, my Grandma and her New Husband have continued the tradition since then, if obviously not this year for damn obvious reasons, thought hey sent us a really nice dinner to cook for christmas in the same spirit. What i’m saying is when you know your relatives arne’t as stacked as you , you pay for the fucking meal especially since i’ts a special occasion, and even for someone as stingy as scrooge, it comes off as a dick move. 

We then get the best scene with the episode, just inching out the climax as the three simply talk, remince on old times, have a good rib like old friends would. It feels natural and wonderful to watch and gets even better when the three hear the radio and end up having an impromptu dance and musical number. Also Jose’s umbrella is also a flute somehow. 

Point is the boys have a good time and Donald gets carried away, with the boys planning a world tour. Huey, while happy to endulge his uncle in a badly needded ego boost, isn’t happy to endulge this and scrooge is unwilling ot pay, more resonably this time. Huey eventually talks him out of being a moron and tells him he has to tell the honest truth and while that dosen’t work this does. 

So as Donald goes to face the music, we have come to our climax. Phrasing. 

The Finale: Ay Carumba

So we come to our finale. Backing up a scene or too to the B-Plot, webby is interviewing a local about the festival when she gets stuck in a loop. So far in the episode we’ve had hints something is up with the people as they go all yellow eyed.. and webby finds out why as she notices the “person” she was interviewing is, in a hilarious and disturbing review.. a horrignly realistic hand puppet.. and upon stealing Louie’s phone, she points out there’s no shots of anyone’s feet.. and the reason why is that the giant flower the feast is about is a mean green mother from outer space and he’s bad. And Webby finding that out’s got him fighting mad.  Webby and the boys naturally run to warn the remaning boy and scrooge and they all run out only to get blocked out of town and captured. Dewey looses his phone inside the plant monster.

In a great joke, Scrooge ended up actually throwing his back out with the old man act, so our heroes are all captured and it’s up to our stars to save the day.  So while his family is in peril, Donald finally comes clean with Jose and Panchito naturally being upset.. for a second before Jose admits he lied to and an irate panchito.. is forced to admit he also lied. Jose is a flight attendant, hopefully he’ll get his own mini series where he accidently murders a dude on disney plus, which is a nice update of his globe trotting ways, as it’s a resonable way for someone with no money to get around the world these days and Panchito is a birthday party muscian. They all however chuckle over this realizing they haven’t come as far as they thought.. and they still have each other. It’s a nice way of modernizing Rosa’s jobs for them and their hard luck lives he set up and I love this. IJt’s just a sweet emotoinal scene that makes donald, and his friends, realize they aren’t faliures and life isn’t just about reaching some arbitrarity goal.. just like Soul taught me aka the actually great movie I watched on Christmas Day.  But since Donald’s family is in peril Jose suggests theys till play the gig.. just like they did ion acapulco thus we get the second best scene of the episode and another worthy rendition of The Three Caballeros as our heroes beat the shit out of the plant, free the kids and the plant straighens out scrooges back. 

It’s beautiful, psycadelic, and utterly awesome. Seroiusly the bright boldend colors are awesome and so’s this sequence. Easily one of the show’s best.. and it’s a show that contiains the greatest scene in television history

So that masterclass concludes with Donald signing.. badly.. and blowing the plant hte fuck up. Our heroes win and head off in the sunchaser. No idea what Launchpad is up to, probably has another ex in the area. Point is our heroes win, Dewey deletes his photos because “If there was no pics it didn’t happen” (So wise) and Donald decides to get the band back together, prompting scrooge to do an animal house on Panchito’s guitar... you.. you know you have to pay for that right? you aren’t a loveable frat man and he wasn’t ‘singing and I gave my love a cherry. Your obligated to get him a new guitar. You know that right?

So with that the episode wraps. This is a pretty good episode. While the subplot is bad and it should feel bad the main plot is emotional, well done and really adds more depth to Donald’s character while giving us a hell of a show with the cabs. The College Band background gives the boys a unique flavor this time around, not musically but in how they know each other and helps set it apart from the countless other reunions. It’s a truly bright, colorful and fun episode with some great gags and great performances. As I said Puerto and Paulo really knock it out of the park as the boys and while I would’ve preferred Jamie Camil, Paulo was still utterly excellent, though Puerto was the clear standout of the two. While their second apparence would be disapointing characterization wise, overall this was a fun introduction to two of disney’s best into it’s best universe and one of Season 2′s Standouts. 

Next Time on the Ride of the Three Cablleros: we begin our massive finale look at The Legend of the Three Cablleros. Donald gets dumped by a nightmare of a person and finds an inhertance, new friends, and some sort of hot adventure god in his new cabana. Good times. Until then goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 

[purplesurveys]

1252

A - Appearance.

What are you wearing? I have a gray turtleneck and brown shorts at the moment.

What are on your feet right now? I never wear anything for my feet when I’m at home.

What color are your fingernails? I say this a lot on surveys but mine are never painted. Nothing against them, I’ve just never felt the need to spend on something like my nails.

What does your hair look like right now? I have apple hair at the moment to temporarily get rid of my bangs, which I am more than sick of at this point.

B - Best Friend

Who is your best friend? Angela and Andi.

What was the last thing you two did together? The last time I saw Angela we went to the BTS pop-up store. I haven’t seen Andi since January, but when we hung out that evening we just had Korean barbecue and we also parked somewhere in UP to just talk about life in my car. My breakup had been fresh at the time and back then I just needed someone to whom I could vent.

What is (s)he doing right now? I’m sure Andi’s doing something with Leigh, maybe having a video call or something since I think they tend to have one every evening. I’m not sure what Angela’s up to but considering her replies have been a bit slow tonight, I guess she’s somewhat busy at home.

Are you talking to her/him online right now? Angela just replied to something I sent her around 15 minutes ago but the exchange wasn’t meant to be a full-blown conversation, if that’s what you mean.

C - Crush.

Who is (s)he? Eh, I don’t have a crush these days; too obsessed with work to figure out what I find attractive lmaooooo. I do have a main celebrity crush and I might just cite them instead so that I can at least fill this section out. 

What does (s)he look like? Curly hair; mismatched eyes; moles underneath his right eye, on his nose, and on his lower lip, and the widest smile I’ve seen on any person.

What was the last thing you two talked about? He’s a celebrity crush...

Does (s)he make you smile? Yes.

D - Dad

What’s your dad’s name? Edgardo.

What does he do for a living? He’s an executive chef for a luxury liner company. He hasn’t worked in a year and a half due to the pandemic and has stayed in the country this whole time, but we’ve *very* recently been informed that he can go back abroad in around two weeks! Of course it will suck letting go of him again after having him back for such a long time, but I’m just glad the family can finally be on track again, financially speaking. It had been something I’ve been worrying silently about.

What was the last thing you two did together? Had dinner last night, but we did that with the whole family too. We don’t really do things that’s just the two of us.

Do you get along better with him than your mother? Yes.

E - Ebay.

Have you ever bought anything from ebay? No. I’m not sure we have eBay here anyway.

Do you just shop around when you’re online? I don’t really shop ‘around.’ I usually have an idea of what I want to get myself, and it’s just a matter of finding the right shop from which to buy.

Do you know anybody who is addicted to it? I know a couple of co-workers who love shopping, like Gabi.

Have you ever sold anything on it? I’ve never tried selling, but I’m actually in the middle of doing something for the very first time – I’ve decided to get into trading! I got my BTS Butter album yesterday but didn’t get to pull the photocard I was vying for – the pull I got, though, was of the most popular member, which means it would be a very easy trade. I put the trade offer up the other day and I finally got a match yesterday.

F - Facebook.

When was the last time you logged on? Like five minutes ago. I constantly check it.

How many friends do you have? Just checked and it says I have 686. I wanna get rid like half of them though.

Do you hate when your facebook chat messes up? Hmm, that doesn’t really happen.

Who was the last person to leave you a wall post? Angela.

G - Google.

Do you Google everything? Yeah, I think I look up a random item or phrase at least once a day. Doesn’t hurt to learn a new thing each day. :)

What was the last thing you Googled? The K-Pop group g.o.d., since my teacher mentioned them in our Korean lessons earlier.

Would you ever trade Google in for Bing? No, I haven’t used Bing in like 12 years.

What do you Google the most? Synonyms, I think, since I’m constantly writing for work.

H - Hair.

Do you like your hair? It’s a love-hate relationship most days because I hate how thick and frizzy it can be...but I recently had mine trimmed all the way up to my neck and for some reason it’s taken on a wavy form, which I didn’t expect to come out at all. And I’ve found that it actually suits me quite a bit, so I’m enjoying my hair for now.

What color is your hair? Black.

What does it look like right now? Slightly damp since I took a shower not too long ago.

What kind of shampoo for you use? Just a normal Dove one.

I - Ibuprofen 

When was the last time you took ibuprofen? I don’t think I’ve ever taken it? I usually take paracetamol...idrk the difference either. Do you rely on it for everything (cramps, headache)? I only ever take medicine for headaches/migraines.

Are you so thankful people made it? I mean sure, I’m glad there are those who have been able to create products that can instantly relieve pain or discomfort, but I’m not obsessively grateful.

Do you have any right now? I don’t think we have any.

J - Jobs.

Do you need a job? Nah, I already have one.

Where do you work? Media/PR industry.

Where would you work? I wouldn’t change jobs/industries. This is where I wanted to end up in, and I’m really really glad and fortunate to have landed here on my first shot, right out of college, and during a pendemic.

How much money would you like to get paid? An additional P5k (~$100) would probably be more satisfying, but considering my parents aren’t the traditional Filipino parents who suck 100% of my earnings right out of me the second payday comes, I’m able to enjoy a substantial chunk of money to myself, give them a portion of my earnings, and still be able to save.

K - Kissing.

Who was the last person you kissed? That would be my ex.

Will you next kiss be a mistake? I have no idea when that would be and with whom it will be shared, so I won’t be able to give you a definite answer.

Do you kiss someone everyday? Other than my dogs, nah.

Who was your first kiss? The aforementioned ex.

L - Love.

Who do you love the most in your life? My best friends. I’m also doing a whole lot better in the self-love department these days, so that too :)

Have you ever been in love before? Yeah.

Does it make you so happy when you feel the feeling of love? Sure. It feels light and comfortable, especially when it’s shared.

Why is this word so hard to describe? Because everyone feels love differently. < There we go.

M - Mom.

What is your mom’s name? Abigail.

What is she doing right now? She was watching The Good Doctor the last time I checked on her like five minutes ago. It’s her latest obsession.

Where does she work? She works in the food and beverage department of a 5-star hotel in the city.

Do you two shop together a lot? I rarely do my shopping with either of my parents.

N - Netflix.

Do you have Netflix? Technically, I guess. My dad pays for it and we have a family account.

If not, what movies would you order? I don’t think I’ve ever ordered a movie before. Before streaming on Netflix, I just used to get illegal torrents lol.

Do you rent a lot of movies? I’ve never rented a movie. Was too young for it, I think.

Do you have the tool where it just downloads to your tv? No.

O - Ohio.

Is this the state in which you live in? I don’t even live in the US. Never been there either. < Same.

Is Ohio State your favorite football team? I don’t like football.

Did you know Ohio Is For Lovers? I’m not familiar.

Have you ever been to Ohio? See first answer in this section.

Q - Quitting.

What was the last thing you quit doing? Practicing on Duolingo. I had an extremely short period of using the app again a couple of months ago, but I lasted all of two days hahaha I had been trying to get back on learning Korean, but I enrolled in official lessons not long after that anyway so it didn’t make sense to continue the stages in the app.

Do you need to quit talking to someone right now? Nope. The people I’m talking to right now in between this survey are all welcome conversations.

Would you ever quit school? That wasn’t an option for me and I never would’ve done it anyway. 

Don’t you think quitting is stupid? No. Sometimes it can be the strongest thing you can do for yourself.

R - Reading.

What was the last book you read? Does my Korean lesson textbook count hahaha...if not, I haven’t really read anything in years.

Do you own a lot of books? I do, but they are all books from my childhood and teenage years. It’s been a while since I last updated my bookshelf.

Do you have a library card? No, haven’t had one since Grade 1.

Have you ever read a book that changed your life? Without Seeing the Dawn was pretty influential to me, but I dunno about ‘life-changing.’ I need to read more to find the book that would have that effect on me.

S - Safety.

Do you always wear your seat belt? I do these days. I didn’t really practice it when I used to drive to school, whoops. Always forgot to do it.

When riding a four-wheeler do you wear a helmet? I rarely get to do that.

Did you ever wear knee pads and a helmet when riding your bike? Nah. I can’t ride a bike either. Do you always think safety first? In COVID terms, yeah. I have a face mask and shield on as soon as I find myself outdoors.

T - Talk

Who was the last person you talked to? Reena. Who are you talking to right now? Nobody. It’s just me, this survey, and some music in the background.

Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Angela and Reena, if I’m not mistaken.

Do you need to talk to anybody right now? No, I’m good.

U - US ARMY

Do you support it? I don’t know enough about it to have a bold opinion, considering I’m not even from the US and it’s been a while since their army has had any strong contact with my country.

Do you know anybody who is in the army right now? I think one of Angela’s uncles has a high position in our national army.

Don’t you ever wonder why their camo doesn’t match anything? Not really.

Would you ever go to the army? No.

V - Virgin.

Are you a virgin? Nope.

When did you lose your virginity? I was 18.

Do you wish you would’ve waited? Nah, it felt right when I did it the first time; and I maintain that stance now even though I’m no longer with that person.

Do you think you could have stayed a virgin until marriage? I could. Sex isn’t a big deal to me.

W - What.

What are you doing right now besides this survey? I’m also listening to mono. and taking bites from my doughnut every now and then.

What are you craving? Spicy tuna salad, but it can wait. Andi got me my favorite truffle baked macaroni because it’s CM Punk day today :D :D and that’s able to satisfy my savory cravings for now.

What do you need to buy? Shelves.

Why are you taking my survey? I’ve mentioned this before but I like categorized/themed surveys, so alphabetical ones are always fun for me.

X -Xanax 

Do you know anybody who is addicted to Xanax? I don’t think so.

Have you ever taken it before? No.

Do you even know what it is? No, actually.

Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? I’m sure I have.

Y - Yourself.

Name. Robyn.

Age. 23.

Do you smile a lot? Sure, I’d say that’s common these days.

Z - Zebra.

Are you addicted to zebra striped? Not really.

Do you own anything zebra striped? Nah. I have some stuff that come in black and white stripes, but not zebra print. Is anything on any of your websites zebra striped? No.

[taichissu]

9, 19, 20, 21 for Tsuzukazu pls.

posting these 2 as one!!

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

so that time they went out drinking together as friends (before they started dating) and tsuzuru got REALLY drunk and started rambling and at one point he basically came out when he confessed he’d been making all of their plays vaguely gay because “i dunno that’s kinda neat?? wouldn’t it be cool to hold hands with a guy i think it’d be kinda cool----” that night he also threw up on himself and kazu gave him his jacket to hide it :’) for kazu, i don’t think it’s an embarrassing thing but i’m sure he’d be VERY embarrassed if he couldn’t hold it together anymore and just started crying in front of tsuzuru he’d have tears streaming down his face, but he’d still be smiling wildly “oh man, sorry, tsuzuroon haha”, tsuzuru would be taken aback, not knowing how to react at first, but his caretaker instincts would kick in almost instantly, going in to hug and comfort him the best he could kazu is still too embarrassed about showing himself be vulnerable though, although they both are making progress

19. Where do they go on their first date?

tsuzuru isn’t really too keen on being open about their relationship, but kazu has been INSISTING on at least one date for so long because “we can’t say we’re going out unless we ACTUALLY GO OUT :((” so tsuzuru agrees kazu wanted to be in charge of planning their first date, he wanted it to be fun and flashy and memorable! but tsuzuru was like “let’s..... not” and kazu was like “aw” so they ended up going on a cafe date they ordered coffee and some cake that was way too sweet to eat, and spent their time just talking away (at some point the conversation lead to them just discussing the next play, and tsuzuru still feels a little bad for making their first date seem like his usual pre-writing interviews) tsuzuru also ended up spoiling kazunari a little “you can have my strawberry, here” “awwwww, tsuzuroon, i love you too <3″

20. Where do they go on holiday?

(summer) camping <3 to connect with nature! tsuzuru needs that peace and quiet (bad idea to take kazu with you my dude), kazu needs a change of scenery and visual inspiration to get those creative juices flowing and also they could. sit by the fireplace. at night, even in summer, it gets quite cold, so they’d sit in silence, under one blanket, listening to crickets and just enjoying the moment (winter) neither is really all that good at handling cold weather, so they make it a consensus to just stay at the dorms

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

i feel like either of them would be nervous about inviting the other to their family house tsuzuru’s whole family is very dear and important to him, he was so scared of their reaction to him dating kazu (for 2 main reasons: 1. kazu is....... kazu. very loud, very energetic, very overwhelming. 2. he never really officially came out as not straight-) but was scared for naught. everyone absolutely loved kazu’s enthusiasm (especially little yuzuru <3) and how much energy he brought to the house. nobody really mentioned tsuzuru bringing a guy home either, although he still was tense for the entire visit. you know kazunari got his sticky hands on the family album too ;) get those baby tsuzuroon pics my man kazunari was nervous about bringing tsuzuru home too, but not for the same reasons. his family knows he’s not straight and he doubted they would dislike a fine proper man like tsuzuru. what he was worried about was just how probable it was for his family to absolutely Ruin him in tsuzuru’s eyes and just straight up embarrass him (they didn’t in the end)

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first? 

you know it’s my boy kazu tsuzuru doesn’t take him seriously at first. i mean, it’s kazunari we’re talking about, he says things like this all the time to everyone! that would be one of the rare times you could see kazu genuinely irritated. “i mean it, tsuzuroon!” he would say, “take me seriously!” tsuzuru doesn’t say it back until they’ve been dating for a while; he mostly shows his love through actions (like sneaking candy into kazu’s bag before he leaves for classes, or pinning shortcut to kazu’s LIME contact on his phone home page)

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

this question is confusing why would you bring a song or a book to a desert island hello???????? i also don’t know what a luxury item is????? i’m changing the question a little so bear with me two songs that remind me of them: conan gray’s “lovesick boys”, girl in red’s “watch you sleep” (not doing the books thing because i don’t read i don’t know any-----) two items they would take: kazu would take his phone obviously (”what do you MEAN there’s no RECEPTION??????”), tsuzuru would probably actually use his head and take some survival kit? is that allowed? i’m so sorry this question was weird lkjdslkgjdslkg

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

tsuzuru likes watching movies for inspiration and research, that doesn’t make their alone time any exception, you know they’re watching whatever has a vaguely similar theme to the next play tsuzuru will be writing, and kazunari doesn’t mind at all, he’s happy as long as he gets to spend time with his boyfriend after all. they don’t really have clashing opinions so there’s no situations where one needs to get “the final vote” but if it ever happened it would probably be tsuzuru because We All Know What Kazu Is Like When It Comes To Conflict Ok

[theonewiththefanfics]

Whatever It Takes (one-shot)

Synopsys: This is the fight of their lives. Get the stones, bring everyone back, but don’t screw up what happened during the last five years. But maybe there’s a chance to bring back even those that weren’t dusted. Well, whatever the case, that is what the Reader will do if the opportunity presents itself.

Pairing: Loki x f!Reader

Genre: angst/ fluff

Warnings: swearing, blood, mentions of wounds and death

Word count: 15676 (I don’t have a life :) )

       Whatever it takes.        The words echoed through Y/N’s head like a mantra. They were going back in time to retrieve the Infinity Stones. As insane as that sounded, it was their actual plan. The only plan that gave them hope to bring everyone back.        “All right,” Tony brought Y/N back from the dazed state, readying herself as she stood next to Steve. “You heard the man. Stroke those keys, jolly green.”        “Tractors engaged,” Bruce announced, and she pulled in a shuddering breath. They were actually going to do this.        From the corner of her eye, she saw Rocket hand Clint a shrunken version of the ship her father and Nebula had arrived on. “You promise to bring that back in one piece, right?”        Clint rolled his eyes, voice uninterested as he moved to stand next to Nat. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I’ll do my best.”        “As promises go, that was pretty lame.”        It had been a while since Y/N found anything remotely funny, so when the snort escaped her nose, she was shocked herself. The past five years had been hellish. And even that was an understatement.        To be completely honest, she had been luckier than most. She still had her dad, and Pepper had survived the snap as well. The twenty-two days he’d been M.I.A in space Y/N would’ve completely lost it if not for her mom. Though they were not blood-related she refused to call her otherwise. The woman had helped Tony raise her, and there would be no other way she’d regard her or him. They were her family.

       But then he’d come back. With Captain Carol Danvers carrying the spaceship, he was safely placed on the ground. Steve rushed forward to help him off the steps, and Y/N crumbled to the ground upon seeing her dad after almost three years of her own absence.        After that and the Avengers’ unsuccessful retrieval of the stones, the three of them moved into a lakeside house and just stayed there. Y/N recounted what had happened after she’d been trapped in the Rainbow Bridge after Thor’s last visit to Earth. When the topic of Loki and her being together came up, she had almost given Tony a heart attack.        “Don’t worry dad,” she sniffled, “he won’t come back.”        In any other circumstance, he would’ve been happy about the crazy Asgardian not stepping a foot near his daughter, but the tone of her voice made him realize that it wasn’t a good thing.        “How so?” he had mumbled in her hair.        “Same reason we lost so many others,” Y/N had replied. “Only that time he didn’t snap his fingers, but his neck.”        The two spent the rest of the night curled up into one another, trying to keep the other somewhat together before Pep joined and helped them start the mending of their hearts.        Then Morgan was born. Y/N didn’t know how to feel about it at first. It felt like they were trying to move on while others were left to piece together the broken shards, but when her sister’s little finger had wrapped around her own, the fierce love that filled her chest was a force to be reckoned with.        Now, Y/N surveyed the room, and excitement started to fill up her body, despite everything. This was their chance, not only to bring everyone back but to keep what they had gained. Because there would be no other outcome she’d accept.        “See you in a minute,” Nat remarked, and a moment later they were all flying through the quantum realm.        Y/N had never been a squeamish person. Whenever they had movie nights and Clint or Sam, as always, picked a horror film, no matter how many guts flew towards the screen, she was unfazed. Quite a lot of the time, her line of work consisted of splattering other’s brains against walls. And when you can control everything with just your mind, frying someone from the inside out wasn’t uncommon.        But the second they were thrown on the Chitauri overrun streets of 2012 New York, Y/N was slammed against a car, and she had to hold onto it for dear life.         “Bug, you okay?” Tony’s hand went to her back to soothingly rub it.        “ ‘M alright,” Y/N wheezed. Fuck that breakfast was really hard to keep down. “Just give me a second.”        While she was recuperating, Steve laid out the plan once more. “All right, we all have our assignments. Two stones uptown, one stone, down. Stay low. Keep an eye on the clock.”        Originally Y/N was supposed to go with Bruce to The Sanctorum, but they ended up deciding she’d be great backup for the rest as they would have to get past not only Loki and whatever he might decide to do, but also Hydra.        Right as they were about to split, 2012 Hulk landed with a harsh thud on the ground, flipping a car over onto a Chitauri troop before jumping on top of it as if he was a kid jumping on a bed.        Y/N looked over at Bruce who had a hand on his face.        “Feel free to smash if things don’t go your way,” Steve patted him on the arm, and Bruce sighed.        “I think it’s gratuitous, but whatever.”        For a moment everyone watched as he removed his shirt and reluctantly punched a car before throwing a motorcycle.        “Okay,” Tony pulled them back, “it’s time to move.”        Through an underground tunnel that connected the garage to the main parts of the Stark Tower, Steve rushed inside with Y/N, while Tony and an ant-sized Scott flew in through the window.        “I’ll take the stairs up and wait by the elevator,” Steve commented, “I need you to find two of the security suits and suit up. Tony will be with you shortly.”        “Got it, Cap,” Y/N gave him a mock salute and was off to the races.        They didn’t have much time. Hydra would get the staff pretty much immediately, and then it was up to Steve to retrieve it, while Tony had to help Scott get into the position to cause 2012 Tony a heart attack, and then subsequently get the case with the Tesseract to them.        “A heart attack, really?” Y/N had first remarked, eyebrows shooting up in disbelief. “You clearly have zero care for your own life, do you? And what if mom finds out?”        “Got any better ideas?”        “Uhh knock yourself out and pass as yourself? Trigger the security system? Maybe something that won't put your survival at risk.”        “Do I look like I could pass as a version of myself from back in the day?”        That was true. Tony had gotten significantly greyer, and the lines on his face were more prominent, though in Y/N’s opinion that was more so to do with all of the grief, not age.        “I dunno,” she had smirked and crossed her arms, feet resting on the top of the table as they went through the information of what they knew of the stones, “put a little bit of dye in there, and I’d say you’re as good as new.”        Tony gave her a gentle smile and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Y/N instantly put her head on his chest and relaxed. “Thanks, bug, for caring about me,” he muttered. “You always know how to lift me up.”        “That’s what family does.”        Now, Y/N was rifling through the SHIELD uniforms quickly taking one that seemed to be her size and another one to fit Tony.        “Ugh, Mr Rogers,” Tony exasperated through the comms as all of them got into position, “I almost forgot that that suit did nothing for your ass.”        “No one asked you to look,” Steve sighed through almost gritted teeth, but Y/N had to agree. The 2012 suit had been a complete flop in accentuating the Captains assets.        “I think you look great, Cap,” Scott responded. “As far as I’m concerned, that’s America’s ass.”        “You done there?” Y/N whispered as she moved into position downstairs to wait by the elevator. “We’re kinda on a mission here. Also, America’s ass only appeared when he got into that hot ass stealth suit. Thank you, dad, for that.”        Steve groaned while Tony chuckled. “Thank you, bug. I’m glad at least someone appreciates my designs. But also, do not ever talk about looking at Steve’s ass ever again, or I’ll ground you.”        “How can I not?” she muttered. “It’s right there.”        But before Steve could say a syllable, Tony spoke up. “All right, Cap. I got our sceptre in the elevator just passing the 80th floor.”        “On it,” he was back to his ‘soldier mode’. “Head to the lobby.”        “Alright. I’ll see you there. Kid?”        “Waiting for you by the staircase, the second suit is secured,” Y/N confirmed and settled in her position.        “You’re a gem, bug.”        Y/N smirked, and she would’ve stayed somewhat happy if not for STRIKE team appearing. “Ugh,” she groaned and sneered in Hydra’s direction. “Can I take those guys out? Preferably with a sniper?”        “We don’t have time for that, kiddo,” Tony’s voice was now right next to her.        “Bullshit, there’s always time for a little bit of that.”        Tony rolled his eyes, but nevertheless, everyone was more or less in position. “Thumbelina, do you copy? I’ve got eyes on the prize,” he murmured right as his own younger version started to walk out of the building but was interrupted by Alexander Pierce showing up.        “Bombs away.”        A few seconds passed without anything happening, making Y/N’s nerves spike when Scott exclaimed, “Is, is that Axe body spray?”        “Yeah, I had a can just for emergencies. Relax. Can we focus please?”    “I’m going inside you.”    “Ew,” Y/N winched, “don’t ever say anything like that ever again.”    From the sidelines, she observed everyone until her eyes befell on Loki. She knew she’d see him here, there was no escaping that, but Y/N thought she had prepared herself better than this. Her breath got stuck hallway to her throat and tears threatened to spill from her eyes because here he was – in chains, yes, but alive. Alive and breathing and snarking back.    “All right, move it, Stuart Little,” Tony was starting to get impatient. “Things are getting dicey up here. Let’s go.”    “You promise me you won’t die?”    Tony rolled his eye, and Y/N slapped his arm. “You’re only giving me a mild cardiac dysrhythmia.”    Scott rebutted. “That doesn’t sound mild.”    “Do it, Lang! Window’s closing in. Pull my pin!”    And that’s when he did it. “Here goes!”    If Y/N was being honest up until five years ago that day had been the worst of her life. After watching her dad fly a nuke into space with Pepper right beside her, and now seeing him crumble to the floor, was incredibly hard. To the point, she almost rushed to his side because the horrific memories were bad enough, but as planned, 2012 Tony dropped the case, and Scott kicked it towards the 2023 Tony and Y/N.    With one swift movement, he had the Tesseract, and both were on their way to the meetup point. Then everything turned south. The Hulk smashed out from the stairs, knocking Tony and Y/N out of the way, and the suitcase with the Tesseract flew open, making the cube bounce out and slide all over the floor.        “Shit,” Y/N almost yelled and scrambled to her feet right as the glowing stone stopped by Loki’s feet. She didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what would happen next.        Without thinking, Y/N grabbed onto 2012 Loki’s shoulder right as he took the Tesseract and used it to disappear. A second later, the two tumbled onto the ground, and she managed to knock the cube out of his hold.        Unsurprisingly, his chains and the mask on his face were off in an instant, signifying the fact he had just been playing along. Maybe his plan all along had been to bring together the Avengers in hopes of stopping Thanos one day, no matter if under the influence of the Mind stone or not. Or maybe he had just wanted to get back to Asgard and rule there.    The two were up, their clothes covered in dirt, but Y/N’s focus on the Tesseract instead of the alien looking planet surrounding them, and Loki’s was on her.        “I need that,” she said pointing at the cube.        “That’s not a nice way to ask though, is it?” Loki snarked back, the two circling one another like lions ready to attack. When his back was on the stone, and it was in her eyesight, she got ready. Y/N blew a strand of hair out of her face and whipped her gaze back to look at the younger Loki.    “I wasn’t asking.” And that’s when she pounced.        When they first started training together, Loki had had the upper hand. For one, he was a literal god with hundreds of years of experience, and two, she wanted to learn his tricks. He was able to make new moves and surprise her, catch her off guard and bring her down, but this time Y/N knew she had him.        They’d been together for three years, and though that was nothing but a blink of an eye for him, she knew how his body moved and bent, where his mind went to as he thought of his next attack or defence. Y/N knew him like the back of her hand.        The second she deflected his dagger and twisted his arm around, she slammed the back of his knee and elbowed him in the back of his head. She had him. But Loki was stunned in a different kind of a way.        “How did you know I’d do it?” his blue eyes were wide and looking at Y/N in complete bafflement.        She didn’t deign to respond, instead, just kicked him in the jaw sending his head backwards.        Three more steps and the Tesseract would be hers, but of course, once again things had to go south. A cold palm grabbed at her ankle, harshly yanking her down. Y/N was happy she managed to keep her tongue behind her teeth, but the clank wasn’t pleasant either way.        “I’m sorry,” he smirked scrambling to straddle her, “but this will hurt.”        His fingers pressed against her forehead, and Y/N’s eyes rolled to the back of her head. But Loki was not expecting the things he saw.        It was him. But it wasn’t. And yet it was him with her and they were… tangled together in a bed. Their legs brushing against the other’s, soft fingers tracing his jaw and cheekbone while his lips left invisible marks on her lids, brows, nose and finally where she carved him the most – lips.        “If paradise exists,” her voice was quiet as if she was afraid to pull them out of the moment, “this is it.”        “Really? In the arms of a child’s nightmare?”        “In the arms of the coolest man in the existence of the universe. Quite literally, your skin is freezing cold.”         Loki snorted shaking his head. “That’s because I’m a Frost Giant, darling.”        “Mhm,” her eyes were closed, content, “you never fail to remind me that. Especially as one of the reasons as to why I should be afraid of you.”        “You should.”        Her Y/E/C eyes were now open and had a defiant look in them. “Yet here we are.”        “Yet here. We. Are,” he accentuated each word with a kiss.        And what was so weird to the Loki watching what undoubtedly were Y/N’s memories, was the pure love her felt radiating off from them. No animosity, no scheming or underlying negative intent. When she gazed up at him, all he could feel was love.        Loki retracted with a gasp clutching his arm to himself as if it had been singed, while Y/N balled up in a fetal position, fingers quickly burying themselves in her hair.        “Just please,” her voice cracked. “I need it. I need it to make everything better… I couldn’t save you then… let me do something good for once.”        Loki didn’t respond. He just stood there shocked and… and hurt. Hurt because the girl on the ground was weeping and weeping for him. Hurt because she looked like a fractured vase ready to crumble at the softest touch. Hurt because somehow someway the two of them would meet, fall in love, and, once again, he’d ruin something so precious.        “I don’t want to hurt you,” Y/N gritted with a tearstained face, but with such defiance in her features, it took Loki aback as she finally glanced back at him, standing up on sure feet. “But I will if I have to.”        “Why didn’t you use your powers on me?”        That was not the question Y/N expected Loki to ask. In fact, she hadn’t used her powers ever since Thanos, so the only way he could know that was if he had felt them in her memories. Back then she’d have no problems surrounding the both of them in a telekinetic bubble to keep the world away.        “ ‘M a bit rusty,” Y/N gritted and steadied herself again, “but I’m also desperate. So, I’ll do what I have to.”        With that said, glimmering silver threads started to weave up and down her veins right to the middle of her forearms. It felt good to let loose, but after having bottled everything up for so long, Y/N was afraid she might explode. Though, if that was the cost, she’d pay it.        Just as the blood vessels in her eyes turned from red to silver, power now fully encompassing her body, the Asgardian prince suddenly whipped his head to the side to where the Tesseract laid.        “Do you trust me?” Loki asked, and as he said that, his eyes turned from the blue hue they’d assumed while under the power of the Mind stone into his jade orbs. It was like a punch into Y/N’s guts for she was looking into the eyes where her home was. So similar yet so different.        “You? Not really, no.”        But he just rolled his eyes like her Loki used to. With both of his hands raised, he moved closer to the cube. “Don’t,” he glanced at Y/N as she twisted her palm upwards ready to strike. “I promise I’m not going to flee. I swear… on my Mother.”        With those words all will to fight left her, her powers pushed back into that bottle where she’d hidden them. Because Loki might’ve been the god of lies, but he would never break a promise he’d vowed to keep on his Mother.        Y/N watched as he cautiously took the final steps to the Tesseract and lifted it from the ground. And though she expected to have to fight him for it, Loki marched towards her and extended his free hand.        “Trust me on this one. That’s all I’m asking.”        His green eyes bore into hers so deeply Y/N felt her heart breaking once again. Just like it had when she had stared at her lover in his final moments of defiance before they ceased to sparkle forever.        She wasn’t even fully in control of her own body when her hand slid in his cold one, and, once again, they were transported to somewhere else. Instant warmth from all around surrounded Y/N as she beheld green vines wrapped around marble pillars, and a nightlight sky full of stars.        Y/N was about to ask Loki where he’d taken her, but next to her stood not a tall man, but a slender woman with hair down to her waist. For a second, Y/N was dumbfounded as she scanned over the expanse of the garden, in search for Loki before she realized that woman was Loki. That’s when she remembered his shapeshifting abilities were more than just snakes and ravens.        “You know, it’s a good thing you never assumed your female form while with me.”        “Really?” she smirked, but Y/N could see the underlying uncertainty in his face. “How so?”        “Because somehow I can guarantee you would wear my clothes, and I was not prepared for you to look better in them than me. You always had trouble with asking for things… And you were out of my league as a dude, so as a woman I’d have no chance.”        Her shoulders instantly dropped, and Loki ushered them to start moving.        “Where are we, by the way? Just curious.” Y/N piped up as they ventured towards two grand oak doors with intricate designs before being swept inside by the moving crowd. The large hall they’d entered was nothing short of grandiose.        Huge tables were set up in long lines where people feasted on all imaginable things whether fruits, meats or vegetables. Everything and anything your heart could desire could be found on them. And the people were no different.        The shapes and sizes did not matter, nor did the colour of their skin because each and every person was dressed in jewel encrusted and gold-thread lined clothes, their hairs up and loose in different styles, each more intricate than the other.        But nothing matched the place itself. The warmth it radiated was not only physical form the ginormous hearths lining the sides of the room, but also emotional. It was welcoming and endearing. With the yellow light that surrounded them, stars shining through a cupola right above them, Y/N never wanted to leave this place. And how could she when right at the far side of the room by a table that stood higher than anyone else’s, her Loki sat and drank?        “Loki?”        Despite the fact that her voice was not raised but at a normal level, despite the roars of laughter of the rest in the room, instantly his head snapped up from where he had been leaning to the side listening in on what a gorgeous woman was telling him.    His green eyes widened in disbelief, and for a minute both just remained as they were – Y/N frozen in the middle of the aisle, and Loki sitting on the gilded chair. Then he was up and jumping over the table running towards her.        The wind got knocked out from both of them as their bodies collided. They were crying, rivers flowing from their eyes as they trembled in the others grasp. For Y/N, it might have been five years, but for Loki, although it was a split second, it felt like an eternity. Any moment without her was too long in his already centuries-long life.        “I love you,” Y/N instantly said grabbing onto his cheeks and pulling back, completely not believing he was there, but she would not let go of this moment. “I love you and I’m not wasting another second. I didn’t get a chance to say it before, but now, knowing this might be it forever, I’m… I’m not going to let this slip. I love you, I’m in love with you, all of that and above.”        “I – you,” Loki couldn’t form any words, green eyes frantically taking in every inch of Y/N’s face. His body screamed at him to never let go, to wrap his arms around her and pull her flush to him. To become and remain as one. But the only thing he could do was ask, “how are you here?”        “He won, Loki.”        “What?”        “Thanos,” Y/N sighed and shook her head, “he won. He got the rest of the stones, snapped his fingers and wiped out half the universe.”        “S-so you’re gone as well?” the question was barely audible. There was such pain in his eyes and such guilt, Y/N instantly knew what he was thinking of – I failed, and this is my fault. Even sacrificing everything wasn’t enough. I failed you, and you’re dead because of me.        “No,” she grabbed his face between her palms, “no… I’m… still alive… Even if I was… you know… dead, I don’t think, I’d be here, in Valhalla and such… actually, it’s been five years since then. And now we’re on a time heist.”        His black eyebrow raised in a sleek arch. “A time heist?”        “Well, that’s what Scott calls it.”        “Who’s Scott?”        “Ant-Man.”        “Ant-Man?”        “It’s,” Y/N huffed, “it’s a long story. But basically, the stones are in the past, so we’re here to get them so we can undo the Snap.”        His hand had remained on her waist the whole time, but the second she mentioned the Snap it tightened its grip. “Then how did you end up here?”        “I uh,” Y/N smirked and shook her head looking down at the ground, “I met someone along the way.”        Loki’s heart shattered at the words, but he willed himself to smile. It had been five years for her, and the only thing in his life that he found had meaning, was her happiness. Sure, he wanted it to be him, but he couldn’t blame Y/N for trying to move on.        “They’re really great if they allowed this opportunity,” his slender finger brought her chin up, and their eyes met once again. “But I don’t think they’d like it if you professed your love for someone else.”        Y/N’s eyebrows scrunched up, and her mouth opened but no words escaped her. She couldn’t understand what Loki was talking about, but then it dawned on her, and she had to hold off the snort that threatened to escape.        “No,” she shook her head, “I don’t think he’d mind much. He’s…. a bit brash right now, a bit self-centred… and frankly quite the asshole.”        She could feel the other Loki bristle from somewhere behind them, but Y/N’s lips pulled in a soft smile.        “But underneath that, I know there’s a good person with a broken heart. And that they just crave a bit of love. So no, I don’t think you’d mind much if I told you I loved you.”        “Wha-“ but Loki didn’t finish his sentence as the puzzle pieces settled in place. Time heist. Past. The stones. Undoubtedly New York and the Tesseract. Which meant he himself was somewhere in Valhalla in disguise with the blue cube and had brought her here to him.        A tear slipped down his cheek, and Y/N wiped it away with her calloused thumb. Too many battles stood between the soft woman he'd met and the hardened warrior in front of him. Not that she couldn’t hold herself before, but now he could see too many harsh edges on her… too many for her to ever have.    “I’m one lucky man, aren’t I? To have such a kind soul give her all to me?”    “And I’m one lucky girl to have you trust her with your heart.”        “You know,” he swallowed hard, “that whatever happens, I can’t come with you, and I won’t come back after you snap your fingers…” a tear rolled down Loki’s cheek, and with a sad smile, Y/N wiped it away. “I wasn’t one of the decimated.”        “I know. But at least we got this. At least now you know I love you.”        “I already did, darling. You didn’t need to say it. I could see it in everything you did for me, and never,” he made sure the last word was hard and strong and sure, “have I doubted it. I love you too.”        “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you,” Y/N murmured in the crook of his neck, hot tears splashing against his chilled skin.        “Had you tried to do anything, you would’ve succumbed to the same fate. And I could never exist knowing I was the cause of it.”        Y/N sniffled shaking her head. “I mean you wouldn’t be. It’d be my own stupidity, but whatever.”        The rumble, however, broken it was, seeped out from his bones into hers, if only for a moment reminding her of the good times they’d spent together. Of all the laughter they’d shared, and had now been granted another moment.        Y/N felt someone approach, and right as she pulled her head away from Loki’s chest, a perfectly manicured hand settled on his shoulder.    “My son,” a woman with golden tresses and the kindest smile Y/N had ever seen stood next to them. “Is she the one?”        The girl pulled back completely and wiped her suddenly sweaty palms against the tactical suit only to dirty them more with the soot that covered it.        “It’s uh very nice to meet you. I’d say it’s absolutely lovely, but given the circumstances, I really can’t.”        “Can’t say I’m too happy about the circumstances either, but to finally meet the woman who’s been taking care of my son’s heart, is a pleasure,” Frigga responded with a gentle grin.        Loki’s palm briefly tightened around Y/N’s waist before he slid it down to grab her hand in his. One last second.        “Loki’s been talking about you a lot.”        Y/N sniffled and wiped away a tear. “Hope only bad things. That way I have a higher chance to impress.”        Frigga sighed and shook her head. “Just the good ones, I’m afraid.”        “And here I thought I could woo your mother,” Y/N chuckled, but everyone around them could hear how forced the levity was. She was just about to give her final final goodbyes when someone coming forth from the crowd startled her.        She had turned back into her male-Loki form, given how there was no point in hiding anymore. Y/N had practically spelt it out that it was him who had brought them to Valhalla with the Tesseract, and no illusion would ever fool Frigga.    “Y/N?” he asked looking at the Tesseract in his hands, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. “Approximately after how much time do we meet after New York?”        “Give or take a couple of years, why?”        “If I go back,” and now the younger Loki was looking at the possible incarnation of his older self and the woman, “will we meet for certain?”        “Loki,” Y/N went up to him detaching from her lover’s grasp. “If you go back if you do as my Loki did… you’ll most likely succumb to the same fate…” tenderly she placed both her palms on his cheeks and made him keep his gaze on her. “You have a chance to leave all this behind. Ditch that damned Tesseract, and live out your life. Because Thanos won’t stop. Not now, not ever. That’s why we’re trying to undo everything. You go back, and you’ll die.”        For a second the 2012 Loki seemed to rethink everything especially as his eyes drifted to where his older counterpart stood next to his mother. And a relieved sort of smile came over his face. “Somehow, that fate doesn’t seem so bad. Especially if only for a moment I get to have a happy life… if only for a moment I get to know you… because even death doesn’t seem to keep you away from me.”        Y/N snorted and rolled her eyes, punching Loki in the arm before pulling him into a hug. “I probably shouldn’t be saying this but just so you know,” she mumbled, “when we first meet, I beat the shit out of you.”        “You kinda already did,” Loki’s grip tightened before letting go.        “Oh no,” her Loki approached the two, “what she did to you – me? – was nothing. Trust me… or yourself… I guess? This is all so very confusing.”        Reluctantly Y/N turned back to her Loki, letting her forehead rest against his chest.        “I wish we had more time,” he whispered hiding his nose in her hair and gently stroking the locks. They were shorter and dryer than he remembered. As if she hadn’t had a single moment to take care of herself. Or hadn’t wanted to.        “I know,” Y/N gulped and released a shuddering breath keeping the sobs away. “But I’ve learned to be grateful even for the smallest of moments… and this was more than I ever hoped to have. I just wish whenever I die, I could come here,” Y/N whimpered, “to you… I could come home.”        “Nothing and no one will ever replace you, and every second without you, my love, is Hel. You are my everything. Don’t forget that.”        “Somehow this love declaration,” Y/N sniffled, “isn’t making me feel any better. I don’t want you to be miserable.”        Loki tilted his head to the side but smiled. “You made sure that I knew perfection through you, so it’s kind of your fault,” and before she could rebut, his lips were on hers. For the first time in five years, they were on hers once again. And Y/N was not about to let him go that easily.        The thought that people were all around them was completely thrown to the wind, and she grabbed at the hairs on the nape of Loki’s neck and brutally yanked his head closer, making him moan into the kiss. The touch of their lips was already messy from all the tears, but when his tongue snaked its way into Y/N’s mouth, she completely melted, to the point he had to keep her body against his as tightly as possible to prevent her from collapsing to the ground.        “I don’t want to go,” she choked back once both came up for some air, “I don’t want to leave you.”        “But you have to.” He hated the words that left his mouth. If it was up to Loki, he’d grab Y/N by her waist have her wrap her legs around his, and he’d go to ends of Valhalla to spend an eternity with her. But alas, that was not in their cards. “Make everything right. Bring everyone home.”        And Y/N nodded, not daring to look up at him because she knew she’d completely break if she did. Without a glance back, she grabbed onto the hand of 2012 Loki and nodded at him to do it. To open the portal. But he didn’t.        “You said that Thanos won… and now you went back in time to undo what he did…” 2012 Loki seemed lost in thought as he chewed on his lip before uttering, “What if there was a possibility both of you could return? I mean, I did bring you here,” Loki gave Y/N a pointed look and flipped the Tesseract in his hand. “What makes it that he can’t walk out with you?”        “In theory, that’s all fine and dandy, but that is the Space stone, not the Time stone. If we’d return anywhere that would most likely be back to 2012, but I need to get back to 2023, and this,” Y/N pointed at the Stark-designed bracelet, “is the only way. We travel through the quantum realm, and I only have enough Pym particles for one jump let alone another bracelet.”        “So, you get back to 2012, travel to whatever time you need to get more of those particles, get Stark to create another bracelet, and you’re set to go.”        “It’s not that simple,” Y/N exasperated. “First of all, I have no idea when Pym invented them. Second of all, if I get stuck there, I literally have no way to get back apart from staying there and growing old, most likely creating a new timeline as is, and that would fuck up a whole bunch of things for me.”        “Y/N,” 2012 Loki’s voice was low and gentle. Soothing almost. “Are you su-“        “Just do it,” she hissed, red-rimmed eyes boring into his. “Just take me back.”        And there was nothing else to it. With a bowed head, Y/N awaited for that pull she’d felt while they’d been flung through space the first time, and a couple of seconds later they were back in Stark tower, though now it was a secluded enough room, most likely a storage area instead of the crowded lobby.        “So,” Loki looked over his shoulder to spot any guards and then back to Y/N, “this is it, huh?”        She lifted her shoulders and then dropped them with a deep huff. “I guess so. I still mean it by the way,” she wiped away a tear. “That you’re an asshole.”        Loki smirked twirling the Tesseract in his hand. “Noted.”        “Miss Y/L/N?” a voice she hadn’t heard in years popped onto the speakers. Y/N and Loki both dropped to the ground crouching behind the wall, and his head turned to the side as her breath hitched.        The voice was uncertain as if he couldn’t understand what was going on, but it was really him.        “Hey, J.A.R.V.I.S. How are ya’?”    “I’m quite alright, Miss, but may I ask, what are you doing with the prisoner? You know your father and the Avengers are looking for him.”        Loki’s face turned into a sneer, and Y/N had to put an arm out in front of him, so he didn’t do anything stupid like give away their position of where they were hiding if for whatever reason someone was down there.        “Yeah, I do, bud, but here’s the thing…” she bit on her lip. Dad would kill her. “I think both you and I know something’s going on.”        There was a pause, as J.A.R.V.I.S contemplated her words. “Yes, I think I do. Given how my scans showed there were two Mr Starks in the building as well as two Captain Rogers and an undefined male the size of an ant, I’m quite certain that other things than the attack are going on as well.”        Y/N smiled, looking up at the ceiling. “You were always the clever one out of all of us.”        “I’m an A.I. Miss,” and even though his voice was levelled, she could hear the sarcasm slip through, “I do know everything.”        “Yeah, you do,” Y/N whispered and glanced at Loki who was just observing the interaction. His eyebrow raised in question.        “Ok,” she finally said. “Here’s the deal – you need to keep this information to yourself. No matter what dad says or does, do not let him know this. I’m pretty certain you know there’s another Banner in the city as well, but I need you to keep the last half an hour under lock and key and throw it in the ocean. For everyone’s sakes.”        J.A.R.V.I.S’s answer came a second later. “And when Mr Stark asks me to replay the footage for the debrief?”        “Just,” Y/N shrugged, “act as if we were never here. A.K.A – erase the parts were there suddenly showed up duplicates of people. And when I get out of here, that as well, please?”        “I can, Miss, but first you’ll have to get past the S.H.I.E.L.D guards situated on each floor as well as the STRIKE team.”        “Mhm,” and then something went off in her mind. “Speaking of S.H.I.E.L.D – you might want to dig a bit deeper into what you found on the Hellacarrier.”        “And what would I presumably find there?”        “Oh you know,” Y/N waved J.A.R.V.I.S off like it was nothing, “some little tidbits of hidden Hydra members within S.H.I.E.L.D.”        “That is… truly interesting.”        “Indeed,” Y/N nodded along. In a way, she was trying to prolong every second she could spend in this timeline, because no matter the fact it wasn’t her Loki, it was Loki one way or another.        “Don’t you need to go?” he motioned with his head to the bracelet that sat snugly against her knuckles. And she did, actually. She had to find Tony, Steve and Scott and explain what the hell had happened when some words spoken to her before wouldn’t leave her mind.        “J.A.R.V.I.S, buddy,” Y/N spoke looking up to Loki. “Can you help me with a little science project?”

***

       His heart had shattered five years ago when he’d had his final look on Y/N’s face to engrain every detail in his mind before Thanos snapped his neck. This – her having been in Valhalla and having had those few moments with her - hurt more.        Loki was just about to walk away, his mother wiping away the tears that streamed down his cheeks when the Tesseract portal opened once again, and his 2012 version stepped out with Y/N.        “This is your choice,” she held up a second bracelet, twin to the one on her own hand. “But we might need your help in whatever happens.”        She was visibly shaking, fingers holding onto the piece of technology with such a tight grip, the leather glove covering her palm looked about to burst.        Loki’s head whipped back to look at Frigga, to maybe see her own face just as stunned as he was, but that was not the case. Just as kind as her smile had been from the beginning, it remained at that moment.        “Go,” she muttered to Loki, before pressing a gentle kiss to her son’s forehead. “Be with the one you love.”        It was the only thing he needed to hear. As much as it hurt to leave his mother behind, he knew there’d come a time the two would be reunited. But this was his time to be with Y/N. A second chance that if let go of, would never return.        Practically sprinting, he grabbed the bracelet from her extended fingers, and he saw how her form sagged with relief, a chocked back sob lumping up somewhere in her throat.        “Oh, and please take care of your brother!” Frigga exclaimed before the three were enveloped in blue-black clouds of smoke, and then they were gone.

***

       Two more seconds, a recalibration of the bracelets, and Loki and Y/N were whisked away from the destruction of 2012 New York and back to the old Avengers compound in 2023.        “Y/N?” Tony was baffled as to how she was back, fully prepared to drown himself in grief as he had thought he’d lost her.        “Brother?” Thor’s breathless whisper to Loki was filled with so much joy it was like he was visibly beaming. But then everyone’s eyes drifted to the empty spot next to Clint.        “Clint, where’s Nat?” Bruce asked stepping forward.        Y/N squeezed Loki’s hand harder. Just by the look on Steve’s face and Clint’s broken soul, she knew the answer.        The archer didn’t even look at them as he stepped off the platform and slammed the stone on the table nearby. “She got the stone.” And he walked out.        Y/N was about to be sick. She was about to throw up right in the middle of the stand, but not before ruining a bunch of punching bags. Her powers screamed at her to be released, to somehow alleviate the anger coursing through her veins, but she pushed everything down, just like she had for five years.        Suddenly, the fact she had Loki with her, that they were together meant little to nothing. Because Nat was gone.        It felt like an exchange. Like it was Y/N’s fault. Selfishly she had thought they could have it all. Keep what they had, and bring back what they’d lost. Those were Tony’s words. But as they repeated themselves through her brain while she stalked away and outside the compound, she couldn’t help the hand that slapped over her mouth.        What was it worth if it meant her family would still be broken in pieces?        “Darling?” her trickster’s soothing voice full of concern came from somewhere behind her, but Y/N wasn’t ready to face him.        “Can you give me a moment?” hoarse words came as her response. “I just need a minute alone.”        “I truly don’t think that’s the be-“        “Please.”        She couldn’t keep it together for much longer, and she sure as hell won’t let him see in that kind of a state. Especially because Y/N blamed her decision for the loss of Nat.        “Just,” she cleared her throat not looking back at him. “Just give me a moment, and I’ll be back inside. Thor probably wants to talk, so you should go to him.”        But Loki turned out to be closer than expected. His cold lips pressed a single kiss to the base of her neck. “I’m always there for you.” With that, he retreated as Y/N had asked. That’s when the dam broke.        She crumpled into a little ball, two trembling palms pressed against her mouth to keep in the sobs inside, as she leaned her head against the wall of the building. And she remained in that same position for a good while just letting grief and pain consume every inch of her body until someone sat down by her.        “What happened?” Tony asked, pulling Y/N into his side. “Are you alright? How is he here? Why is he here?”        “Firstly,” she choked on her own spit before straightening out. His calming touch on her back, easing some of that hurt. They all were hurting. “2012 Hulk was not happy about you making him take the stairs, which lead to us losing the Tesseract, and me jumping to try and get to Loki. Secondly, I’m fine. Thirdly, that is a bit harder and longer to explain. And lastly, because we might need his help.”        “With what?”        “Dad,” she whispered, “we have no idea what could happen to whoever wields the stones. Not only does he have powers that include healing, but he knows more about those things than we do… and he’s in a better condition to explain that to us than Thor, at least right now. Everything that happened was a hard blow on him… he might try and do something stupid.”        She gave him a painful smile because she knew Tony understood she was talking about herself as well. “People might try and do a lot of things out of guilt.”        That’s when Tony’s head cleared. “Like try and snap his fingers?”        “Mhm,” Y/N nodded leaning her head on his shoulder. “Loki might be the only voice of reason to keep him from it.”        “And you?”    “What about me?”        “Will he be enough to keep you from doing something stupid?”        A little lightness settled in her heart. “I’m a Stark. Stupid’s our middle name.”

***

       Just as predicted, once the glove was done and ready to be used, Thor volunteered to be the one to wield it. Despite Tony’s protests saying that he wasn’t in the right condition to do so, despite Steve saying it was okay to let it be someone else, the thunder god would not back down.        Y/N had not spoken to Loki about what had happened to her once outside the compound, but she had been right when talking to her father. He was the only clear voice that could get through his brother’s mind.        “Brother,” Loki spoke looking into Thor’s eyes that had tears in them as he so desperately was trying to push his way to the gauntlet. “Let this one go. Please.”        “Just,” Thor smashed his fist against Loki’s chest but there was no fight left in him. “Just let me do one good thing. Let me bring them back.”        “You’ve done enough, brother,” Loki’s voice soothed him. “Let someone else do the fighting for once.”        One final weak punch against his chest, but Thor backed down, and Bruce stepped up.        What happened next was a blur. Bruce dawned the gauntlet, he snapped his fingers, Loki dropping to his knees next to Tony as they applied what healing medicine and magic, they knew. Scott made everyone notice how there was suddenly much more life outside, and Clint’s phone rang, his wife on the other side of the line. Then everything was blown up.        Quite literally, a barrage of bombs obliterated the compound, sending everyone every which way. Y/N had enough of a mind to surround herself in a ball of telekinetic shield as she plummeted towards the hole in the ground, debris and rubble settling on top of her while rushing water quickly filled up the space.        She had no idea where anyone else was. Y/N could hear voices speak through the comms, what sounded like Tony trying to wake up Steve, and Rhodey was calling for help somewhere not far from where she herself was stuck, but there was so much ringing in her head, it took all of her concentration to keep the shield up to not get crushed by the tons of concrete about to fall on her head, Y/N couldn’t respond to the people calling to check if she was alright.        Her comms crackled before they completely gave out. Y/N was on her own.

***

       Not only was everything down below the rushing waters and rubble chaos, but on the up as well. Thanos was back and stronger than ever. As Steve, Tony and Thor went against the Mad Titan much as they had half a decade ago, even without the stones, it seemed so much dier.        He was practically invincible, his double-edged sword slashing at Steve’s shield with such vigour that he felt it in his teeth.        “Okay, Thor,” Tony announced seeing Thanos fling Steve away. “Hit me.”        Thor smashed both Mjolnir and Stormbreaker together and with a yell, directed the lightning to the wing-like opening of Tony’s suit which he instantly charged up with, and shot Thanos with all of his repulsors. But even that would not take him down.        As Thor swung Mjolnir at Thanos, and Tony charged to deliver another hit, the Mad Titan managed to grab the Iron Man suit, and used it as a human shield, properly knocking the genius out.        Thanos’s smirk widened as Thor came his way, ready to deliver the killing blow, his battle axe pointed at his neck, but one little misstep, and he had the upper hand over the Asgardian. With a wicked grin, he grasped onto the handle of the weapon made specifically to kill him and pushed Stormbreaker deeper and deeper into Thor’s chest. Right as it was about to pierce the god’s skin, Mjolnir flew into Thanos’s face.        Everyone was blindsided for a moment making the two conscious Avengers and the purple nutsack turn their heads to the side.        With unreal rage shining in her green eyes as she stared down the Thanos, Nat lifted her head. And then a devilish smirk pulled up the corner of her lip. A smile that made even the Mad Titan bristle.        “I’m always picking up after you boys, huh?”        She didn’t give him even a second to recuperate before swinging the hammer right up into his jaw, making the alien fly backwards.        “I knew it,” Thor’s brilliant grin was such a stark contrast to the scene around them, it almost felt out of place. Almost.        “Guess we got the answer to that age-old question?” a teary-eyes Steve limped towards Nat, his heart bursting at the seams. He always knew she was worthy, despite her past. None of theirs was clean, but it wasn’t about that. It was about doing everything to right those wrongs. And Natasha was the purest form of that.        “Guess we did,” Nat smirked and twirled the hammer in her hand before rotating around herself and smashing it against the shield where Steve had crouched down and lifted it above his head.        But the rejoicing didn’t last long. Thanos once again got the upper hand. With Tony still out, F.R.I.D.A.Y desperately trying to wake her boss up, Nat flung against the wall and stunned, and Thor slammed so hard against the ground he could feel his rib crack, it was just the Captain left standing.        Slash after slash after slash Thanos practically destroyed Steve’s shield before throwing him away. He looked at the jagged edges of the symbol of freedom. Something that symbolized what Captain America was; now shattered and broken. But even then, he stood up.        Swaying and barely able to hold on his feet, Steve was ready to face Thanos, no matter if he had help and his family by his side or alone. He was still that same kid from Brooklyn who didn’t know when to back out of a fight. And this was the fight of their lives.        He’d been afraid a few times in his life, stubbornness mostly making him disregard the queasy feeling in his stomach. The first time was when he stood up to a bully at school. He was way bigger than Steve, and the blond knew he’d get a pummeling. The second time he was truly afraid again was when he lost Bucky. When he was clutching to that side of the train and watched as his best friend fell to his death, and Steve could do nothing.        Putting that plane in the ocean was another one. He’d prepared himself for death, to be knocked out immediately, but that was not true. Instead, Steve, with horror flushing through his body, realized that permanent sleep would not come for a while. So, he’d laid down on the ground and waited. All he remembers after that is cold.        Waking up in a different century without anyone to hold on for support was another one. Then finding out Bucky had been alive this whole time tortured and under the control of Hydra one more. The breaking apart of his makeshift family and cluelessness as to what to do now, another. Thanos. And now the purple grape once more.        But his army was no match for what they’d fought in Wakanda. This was a universe against one man. Yet even through that, even with his body screaming for him to stop, Steve fastened the belts of his shield tighter to his arm and faced the oncoming onslaught.        And then…        “Cap, you hear me?”        His comms crackled once more.        “Cap, it’s Sam. Can you hear me?”        His heart sped up.        “On your left.”        Slowly, not wanting to believe the voice ringing through the communication system, Steve turned to his left only to see bright orange sparks fly in a circular motion. And then it spread. With each passing heartbeat, it grew wider and wider and then, as tears of joy and relief flew down Steve’s cheeks, as he saw Tony finally regain consciousness and Thor and Nat all sat up from the ground, Sam flew into the air.        He flew in a sharp U-turn motion around Steve before back inside the portal, Shuri, T’Challa and Okoye leading the Wakandan army. It was a message to Thanos form the family he’d taken and but was now back. Don’t you dare touch him.        Fear morphed into hope as more and more portals opened, and he saw Bucky and Groot exit, he saw people and creatures he didn’t know join the fight, sky splitting apart and letting space ships stand their ground against Thanos as well.        The universe. He hadn’t just pissed off Earth, Steve remembered. He’d fucked with the whole damned universe and now had come the reckoning hour. With a little flinch to the side, Steve watched as Giant Man emerged from the rubble of what used to be his home, but in his palm was more help.        Bruce with Rhodey next to him and Rocket placed on his shoulder all stepped onto the battlefield, while Y/N, her veins and eyes glowing silver, floated herself and Loki next to him.        Steve hadn’t seen her use her powers in so long, he felt physical relief, and when Wanda settled herself next to both her and Loki, the Scarlet Witch’s eyes glowing a blazing red while the trickster’s hands were surrounded by jade swirls, he knew that this time would be different. They had the upper hand.    “Avengers!” he yelled rushing to stand in place as the leader, letting that hope and happiness and rage fuel him as the army made of everyone willing to fight in the whole cosmos had his back. Steve was ready.    “Assemble.”        Repulsors and lightning and the Seidr and so much more blurred together as everyone charged at Thanos.        “How do you wield this thing?” Natasha grunted swinging the hammer at one of the beasts coming her way and taking off its jaw. “It’s horribly balanced.”        “Trust me,” Thor huffed and motioned with his head to Stormbreaker. “This one’s worse.”        “Tasha?” Clint’s voice cracked at the last syllable when he finally emerged from the rubble, and she was the first person he saw. His eyes immediately started watering. Somehow by some impossible force, his redhead was there. And wielding Mjolnir.        For a split second, their eyes met, and Clint was greeted by the widest smile in the universe, but she didn’t get to run and hug her best friend when she was knocked down by a beast, a painful grunt escaping her, but Sam was there and took the hound off its balance and viciously stabbed it in the chest with his wings.        There’d be time to bring her in the tightest hug ever and smack her over the head for what she’d done on Vormir, Clint told himself. He’d make sure of it.        “Cap, what do you want me to do with this damn thing?” he spoke into the comms while dodging the attacks coming his way.        “Get those stones as far away as possible!”        “Wait!” Loki yelled and rushed to get to Clint. “Give me the Gauntlet.”        “Not a chance, Rock of Ages,” the archer extended his sword. The last time the two were in the same room they had not ended on the best of terms. And even though he'd helped bruce after he'd redone the Snap, he still didn't trust the god.        “Oh you, moron,” Loki gritted, making a clone of himself behind Clint. Unfortunately for the Avenger, he wasn’t fast enough, and the raven-haired god snatched the Gauntlet, but despite what Clint expected him to do by pulling the thing on and wielding the stones, he didn’t.        Instead, Loki grabbed the Space Stone. For a moment he was overwhelmed by the pure power it radiated and dropped down to his knee, making Clint have to fend off a few attackers, but then Loki was up, back straight and eyes glowing cobalt blue with a smile that chilled the archer to the core.        “Uh, guys, Witch-boy has the stone.”        “What?” Steve was almost panicking. “Get that thing away from Loki!”        But as Clint was just about to fight with the god once more, he stopped dead in his tracks. As he looked upon the man who once had him under mind control and made him fight his friends, his family, he instead turned around and protected him, with Y/N guarding Loki’s twelve because both in the sky and on the ground two large portals were being opened.    Not the kind the Wizards and Strange had with the glowing orange sparks, but blue-black clouds rolling into themselves as they expanded and glorious rows of golden armoured soldiers came marching out while the silvery gleam of the swords of the Valkyries, the wings of their Pegasus’s glinting in the sunlight of Valhalla took to the skies.    “Thought we might need some help, so I gathered the best of the best. Now,” he said replacing the Infinity stone back into the gauntlet, “get them out of here.”    And never in his life did Clint think he’d be taking an order from Loki, yet there he was nodding and running away.    “No,” Bruce interrupted, “we need to get them back where they came from.”    Y/N grunted and whipped her head around as she barely avoided a lethal slash of a claw. “No way to get them back,” Loki yelled over the commotion and ducked as Tony blasted his repulsor over his head and pulverized an alien. “Thanos destroyed the quantum tunnel.”    But then Scott, as before with his time heist idea brought hope once again. “Hold on! That wasn’t our only time machine!”    And over all of the commotion, everyone heard the annoying sound of his car’s honk.    “Anyone seen an ugly brown van up there?” Steve sprinted up the debris to oversee the field, but the Valkyries had a better advantage point.    “Yes,” Brunhilde managed to reply as she led the charge against the Leviathans, “but you’re not gonna like where it’s parked.”    “Scott, how long do you need to get that thing working?” Tony asked, killing a beast that was about to pounce on Pepper from behind.    Scott shook his head surveying the position he was in and where the van was. “Maybe ten minutes.”    “Get it started,” Steve ordered. “We’ll get the stones to you.”    And with Hope’s confirmation that they were on it, everyone now refocused their attention on protecting the stones and making sure they were delivered to Scott safe and sound.        Though everyone was fighting to the best of their abilities, back to back with strangers as if they’d known one another their whole lives, people still got taken down. One of the beasts had gotten a claw in Bruce’s ruined shoulder and had pushed him to the ground. Brawl overtook his brain part as he tried to fight it off, but it was no use as tons of pressure were put on the wound, pain clouding his whole being until it wasn’t.        Sudden relief and the release of pressure came when Natasha had swung the hammer and dislodged the thing off of Bruce’s body.    “I thought I failed. I – I couldn’t bring you back.” He didn’t even care about the horrible throbbing in his side. Nat was back. She was there, and her palms were on his cheeks, green eyes looking over every inch of his body to see if there were any more injuries.    “But you did, big guy,” Nat crouched down pulling Bruce in a hug. “Just not to here, but where I was – 2014 Vormir. Took me a moment to gather my bearings, and then I jumped back into the quantum tunnel.” She pulled back and gave him a smile. “A split second later Thanos showed up, and I got blown away. Did you really think you’d live your lives without me? In any case, I’d find a way to haunt your asses. I could smell the stupid even from galaxies and years away.”    “Well, as Y/N said,” Tony remarked into the comms. “Stupid’s our family’s middle name.”    “Speaking of stupid,” Loki piped in, “how’s the van going?”    “The system’s fired,” a clearly distressed Hope replied. “Scott’s hotwiring it now.”    A collective ‘fuck’ could be heard ringing through the field. When Y/N got the information, her own comm long ago useless and discarded somewhere under the compound, she felt something in her gut was about to sour.    Whipping her head around, her eyes befell on Wanda pulling Thanos apart limb by limb, the pain from losing her brother years ago and then Vision right in front of her fueling her powers.    In that little moment, Y/N had been distracted, Loki’s hand wrapped around her waist as he flung her to the side, away from the attack of a Leviathan.    “What are you thinking?!” he yelled, terrified that had he been a second too late she��d be dead.    “Thanos-“ but Y/N didn’t have enough time to even finish the sentence when blasters started raining down on them. Even though her instinct was to curl up in a ball and shield her head, that’s how long she hadn’t used her powers, Y/N gathered herself enough to extend her hands upwards much like the sorcerers had and created a shield to protect the ones on the ground.    Each hit against it was like a knife to a part of her body. Loki had grabbed onto her shoulder, pushing his own powers into her veins to help her somehow, but even with their combined strengths, he knew Y/N wouldn’t last long, and neither would he.    The god could feel her fatigue and how each blast slowly but surely depleted more and more of her essence.    “I love you, my darling,” he muttered leaning his head down and kissing her neck. “More than anything.”    And though it was intended to be a goodbye, as he was about to push all of his powers into Y/N to keep her alive, the assault stopped. Instead, the blasters turned their nozzles to the sky and fired there.    She sagged against his side, Loki immediately supporting her weight as everyone watched in confusion as to what they were firing at.    “Does F.R.I.D.A.Y know anything?” Y/N asked still blinded by the smoke that covered the sky.    “Not as fa-“ he started but then the ship was struck by a single blinding beam and brought down in moments crash-landing in the lake. Carol.    “D-Do you know her?” Loki asked clearly bewildered at Y/N’s smiling expression.    “We just might have a chance,” came her simultaneous reply as the Captain said, “Danvers, we need an assist here.”    She was the additional force they needed, but she was also the additional motivation for Thanos to get the stones faster.    As everyone gathered behind to protect Captain Marvel, the glove and in turn Peter Parker from any harm that might come his way, Y/N noticed how Wanda took to the skies with the Valkyries, meaning Thanos knew he could have his shot now. But not if she had any say in it.    Whipping the last bits of her powers around the Mad Titan, Y/N brought him to the ground; pushing so that his elbows and back were flush against the battered earth. She was quickly breaking down, the flame that burned inside of her dwindling like a candle in the wind, but she had enough for one last move. One last sacrifice.    “I love you, Loki,” Y/N whispered to her trickster, watching as he fought a horde of the Outriders, and gave all of herself to the kill.    Proxima Midnight's spear into her shoulder threw her off balance. The pain was unexpected and harsh. Y/N let go of Thanos, and that gave him the chance to throw her away like a ragdoll.    “That’s my kid!” she vaguely heard Tony roar or maybe whisper but there was no time to focus on that. Proxima Midnight was clambering her way towards Y/N, and then again, as she was about to bring her powers to null and give her life in the process, pain shot down from her shoulder all the way to her side, as Loki had grabbed the spear and with lethal accuracy struck Proxima Midnight in the chest.    Y/N was gasping and whimpering from how much everything hurt, but that was nothing compared to the numbing fear that spread once she saw Thanos extend his hand up in the air with their version of the gauntlet on it. Somehow while she was fighting her own battle, he’d gotten the stones. It had all been for nothing.    “I am inevitable,” Thanos grunted, staring down Tony, but when his fingers snapped, when they were supposed to be wiped out from existence, nothing happened.    Y/N didn’t need an explanation as to what was about to happen. She had had a gut feeling of where everything was going right from the get-go but seeing the man that had raised her as his own despite it not being so, seeing her father figure raise his gaze to meet Thanos’s made her heart plummet.    The nanotech pulled the stones upward and settled them against each knuckle with the Soul stone in the middle. Y/N knew this was it. She knew it would be the end. But someone she had never expected to intrude did.    “Stark, take my hand!” Quill yelled as he sprinted towards the genius with an outstretched palm. Everyone but Nebula, Groot, Rocket and Drax seemed confused, as the Guardians were already rushing towards where Tony was kneeling on the ground.    The second Peter’s hand connected to his, both let out gasps – Tony of relief, Peter of strain as the power of the stones rippled through them both. That’s when everyone on the battlefield sprang into action rushing to their sides.    A moment of confusion from Thanos, was enough for the rest of the Avengers to gather and grab onto the extended palms of the Guardian’s, while Y/N clasped onto his right shoulder with Pepper behind her, then Steve, Nat, Clint, Thor and Loki lengthening the line.    The second Bucky took hold of Sam’s hand, was when Thanos realized what was going on. Everyone else was preoccupied with becoming a part of the chain, but not Carol. Scrambling up from the ground, she shot to the Mad Titan mid-run and knocked him over, bringing him into a chokehold, while Strange and the rest of his Wizards created a huge shield around all the heroes and kept the barrage away.    Thanos raised his fist into the air signalling his army to attack while trying to get rid of Carol, but it was no use. As Peter Parker finished off the chain, taking a hold of Bucky’s and then Shuri’s palms, creating a full-on circle with Tony in the middle, Carol had her arms wrapped around Thanos’s neck, pulling him back and throwing him off his balance while Wong, Strange and the rest of the Wizards created shields of magic to guard them.    “And we… are… the Avengers…”    With a final defying smile to Thanos, the monster that had been haunting him for more than a decade in life and in nightmares, Tony snapped his own fingers. The use of the stones made everyone groan as the collective power of them rushed through the connected bodies, but one by one, the army disintegrated before their eyes as did Thanos himself; sitting alone on a piece of debris with a bowed head in defeat.    The moment the deed was done, Tony asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to release his arm, dropping the metal piece with the stones to the ground, relieving everyone and himself from the painful strain.    Y/N’s shoulder started to profusely bleed, more so than it had before, and the last thing she saw before darkness came was the beautiful face of her Loki. If this was it, she was glad they’d had at least those few moments together. And then everything was black.

***

       Never in her life did Y/N think the first thing she’d hear after waking up from a coma would be Tony’s yelling about how irresponsible she was, Pepper’s sobs of how stupid and selfish it was of her to leave them like that and Loki’s incessant pacing, while from time to time he threw her a worried gaze which quickly turned into an icy dagger.    “Wow, what a ‘welcome back, you’re not dead’ greeting this is,” Y/N grumbled and quickly regretted it.    “Don’t start this, missy,” Pepper was beyond furious. “Do you know how scared Morgan was when we brought you here like that? When she saw you bleeding and unconscious?”    “You are so grounded for lying,” Tony piped in from his wheelchair.    “And then that whole time travel thing!” Y/N’s mom continued. “I mean, I get that I can’t stop every idiotic thing your dad does, but you! I thought you had some sense in that brain of yours! And how dare you fall into that coma! Three days!”    Y/N was about to mutter a ‘technically it wasn’t my choice’ but the glare she got from Loki was enough to shut her up. Sure, all the words were harsh and should’ve been breaking her heart left and right, but for her, it was hard to keep the smile away. So, she didn’t.    “And what do you think is so funny?” Tony grunted, annoyance clearly written all over his face. Y/N just shook her head.    “Nothing,” she shrugged and then hissed when her body reminded her something had been jammed pretty harshly in her shoulder. “Just that I love you too. All of you.”    That stopped Pepper’s ranting and Loki’s pacing.    “I love you too, sweetheart,” Pep instantly replied, and threw her body against Y/N’s, pulling her in for as tight of a hug her daughter could handle.         “You just scared all of us so bad.”    “I know,” she muttered, looking over at her dad and then Loki. “I’m sorry. But to be fair,” she mumbled into Pep’s shoulder, “dad did an even stupider thing.”    The older woman laughed and pulled back wiping away her tears and the tears that had spilt down Y/N’s own cheeks. “Trust me, he already heard every single thing on my mind about that stunt he pulled.”    “And you couldn’t wait for me to wake up because…?”

***

   It took everyone a couple more days to recuperate, but once everyone was back on their feet or as healed as they could be by that point, Tony and Pepper invited everyone to their lakeside house to their vow renewal. Y/N’s arm hung in a sling as she stood with Morgan clutching on her dress as their parents recited the promise to love and care for one another for the rest of their lives.    Nobody tried to hide their tears, letting them flow freely, because for the first time in a long while, they were from joy, and everyone had decided to embrace the feeling to the fullest extent.        As Happy led Morgan inside the house, with the promise of burgers, and Tony and Pepper went to the side to talk to Clint and his family for a bit, Y/N found herself wandering off to the lake.        The water was still a bit chilly, definitely not warm enough for swimming, but she had no problem putting her feet in it and letting the liquid ripple around her ankles. Loki found her just like that – surrounded by tranquillity and peace.        “Do you think he did it?” Y/N asked her head leaning against Loki’s shoulder as she surveyed the calm waters once he had sat down next to her on the little dock.        He had conjured up a full-on black suit, and she’d be lying if she said that outfit didn’t do things to her.        “Who did what?”        “You… or younger you. Do you think he went back and let himself be taken to Asgard, despite what I said would happen?”        “If he knows what’s good for him,” Loki’s cold finger lifted her chin up to look at him, “then yes.”        His lips brushed against hers with the last spoken words before he pressed them fully to Y/N’s. So long had they been deprived of one another’s love, he had become so touch starved in what had been single moments without her, it was insane. But he’d have to endure it a bit more.        “Ok, you two, knock it off,” Tony’s voice interrupted their peaceful moment. The whizz of his wheelchair was practically silent. “I don’t wanna see you shove your tongue down my daughter’s throat. If it was up to me, it’d be cut out from your mouth.”        “Dad!”        “You’re my child!” he exasperated. “It’s my duty to scare off any potential boyfriend, let alone someone like him.”        “In times like these, I really wanna play the ‘I’m adopted’ card,” Y/N huffed but pulled back from Loki and stood up to face her father.        “Adopted or not,” a stern finger was thrown her way. “You’re still my kid.”        And those words, the fact that he had always thought of her that way, the fact that when they’d seen one another after years apart, and his first reaction had been to cry and never let go, made something in her heart break.        “Promise?” Y/N tried her best to hide the husk in her voice. “That I’ll always be your kid?”        Tony’s rough palm grasped her own. Years of mechanical work had turned the once soft skin into coarse and blistered one, but the touch was as gentle as ever. “Even when I’m grey and old.”        Y/N snorted. “You already are.”        That made Tony scoff and pull his wheelchair away. “You sure we’re not blood-related?”        “Would that make a difference?”        “None whatsoever, bug,” came his immediate reply.        Loki had been standing to the side watching the interaction between the two. So much had happened from when he tried to take over New York to where they were now, and it was insane to think how much would still change. Though he could feel that Tony didn’t have the warmest of feelings towards him, no need for magic to figure that one out, Loki didn’t think there was any hatred either.        “Can I just,” he suddenly interrupted making the eyes of the two Starks flit up to him, so different yet the same. “I just… I want to apologize. For what happened in New York.”        “Which part?” Tony snarked back. “The one where you threw me out the window of my own tower or the one where you tried to enslave Earth.”        “Uhh… both?” Loki’s eyebrows raised and he gave Y/N a ‘help me’ look, but she just smiled and shook her head.        Tony sighed rolling his eyes. “Look. I’m not going to pretend that I’m okay with this cause, I’m not… but for whatever reason,” he gave Y/N a pointed look, “you mean a lot to my daughter. And during these five years, I’ve come to an understanding about it. Doesn’t mean I was or am happy about it… but I think at this point we’ve all been through enough shit to put the past in the past. So, truce?”        He extended his hand towards Loki. It was an open palm for him to grasp, but there was so much more lying underneath that single gesture. It was saying ‘I trust you with my daughter's heart. I’m willing to put my own hurt somewhere else for her happiness.’ It was also ‘If you ever dare hurt her in any way – emotional or otherwise – this will be the same hand that breaks your neck.        But Loki, after a moment of hesitation, of disbelief, grasped Tony’s palm and squeezed it. “Truce.”        “Okay, good,” the genius nodded his head and rolled back his chair a bit. “But if you start calling me dad, I’ll nuke you into space.”        Loki pressed his lips together in a thin line, but everyone could see the smile he was attempting to suppress. “Duly noted.”        As the god and the mortal conversed and were actually having a somewhat decent time, Y/N’s eyes drifted over the expanse of the field. It was surreal to have everyone there and to have met all the people that in one way or another had impacted their lives even if she hadn’t known of them.        For example – Peter Parker aka Spider-Man. He was holding Morgan in his lap and talking to Happy and Pepper, though everyone could see the chauffer’s fluttering gaze towards his Aunt May.        He had been the reason Tony had not been able to throw away Scott’s idea of time travel completely. He’d made such a huge impact in his life, Tony had almost sacrificed everything for his family. And Peter most likely would never know that. The guilt would be too much to handle, as Y/N still saw the pain flash through his eyes whenever his brown orbs dropped to the wheelchair Tony was bound to. So, her dad would keep it to himself.        Then there was Nat. A double agent with a heart you couldn’t trust that had become the soul of their group. Clint hadn’t let go of her hand or waist or any kind of contact with his best friend. Sure, he sorta had to when Steve had swept in after the battle and kissed the living daylights out of her, but the archer was sure to be at least in a ten feet radius of his fiery counterpart.        Bruce had Nathaniel on his shoulders as all of them talked, smiles that hid the horrors they’d faced adorned their features, but if for one day all of them could pretend that everything was perfect.        Almost.        As Y/N surveyed the scene, she saw Steve peck Nat’s cheek and run off to the side while Bruce took the giggling kid off his shoulders and set him beside his dad.        “It’ll only take a few seconds,” Steve replied to Nat whose arms were crossed as she chewed the bottom of her lip. “You won’t even notice that I’m gone.”        That’s when it hit Y/N – the stones still needed to be replaced. Without a word, to her dad or Loki, she detached from the trio and rushed to the makeshift platform.        “Just to warn you,” Nat bristled a bit, “you might not like what you find on Vormir.”        “I already hate that place without being there. I don’t think there’s much that would make it even worse than it being where you…” he gestured vaguely towards her form. “You know… you did that… thing that we’re not gonna mention out loud.”        A small smile tugged up at Nat’s lips. “Point taken, soldier. But just trust me on this one. You’re not gonna like what you’ll see.”       Giving Nat one last glance, that said ‘okay?’, Steve readied himself to make the jump again, Mjolnir, the suitcase with the stones and his old combat gear on. He double tapped the bracelet, and the red-white suit embraced him,     but not before Y/N stopped what they were doing.        “Hey, Steve?” she called to him, jogging up to the platform and making him remove the helmet.        “Yeah, bug?”        “Can I uh can I join you?”        That took Loki by surprise as he had run after her pretty much the second, she disappeared from his grasp. “Darling?”        “Don’t worry,” she gave him a quick peck, stroking his jaw and then went to snatch a second bracelet from Bruce. “I’ll be back in a minute. You won’t even notice that I was gone, I just have to do one thing.”        “And can I know what that thing is?”        Y/N hummed but shook her head. “Nope… I just… don’t wanna say anything unless it doesn’t work.” She gave him a half-smile, one last kiss on the lips and jogged back to where Steve stood.        “You two ready?” Bruce asked calibrating the machine up.        “Ready,” they replied in unison the last syllable masked by the suits morphing around their bodies.        “Making the jump in three…” Bruce started the countdown, and Loki crossed his arms.        “Two…”        The prince bit the inside of his cheek. She’ll be back.        “One…”        And then they were gone. In the stroke of lightning, both Y/N and Steve disappeared into the Quantum realm.        “Bringing them back in five seconds,” Bruce announced pretty much immediately, and Loki prepared himself for the most agonizing five seconds of his life. Five seconds from that moment would determine whether she decided to stay, or if she had failed to replace the stones, or worse – she was gone as a whole. And he didn’t know if he could take it.        “… two, one,” the scientist's voice reverberated through the Asgardian’s mind, and then they were back. But instead of happy and satisfied smiles, he was greeted with Steve’s furious tone.        “What the fuck was that, Y/N?”        “Whoa, language, Cap,” she chuckled and hopped off the platform.        “Don’t,” he pointed a finger at her. “Don’t start. You just decide to fuck off to who-knows-when without a single word?”        “Look, I just made a little detour to 2012, what’s the big deal?”        Before Steve could go further with his scolding, her boyfriend interrupted saving her from another onslaught of berating.        “So, you went back to check on me?” Loki’s eyebrow was raised in amusement as if he was not breaking down on the inside from relief that Y/N was back in his arms.        “You know, not everything is about you,” she bumped her hip with his. “Sometimes it’s about Tony.”        That definitely made the genius’s head perk up.    “Of course. Didn’t you know, everything’s about me?” Tony remarked, and Pepper, Steve and Nat all simultaneously rolled their eyes. “Wait, why is everything about me? Not that I’m complaining but I’d like to know what I’m being accused of first.”        “Actually, nothing this time,” Y/N smirked and moved towards him. “In fact, I wanna give you something. Can you uh, disable F.R.I.D.A.Y just for a moment though?”        Tony’s eyebrows furrowed but he did as asked.        With a tap against his right shoulder where the Iron Man arm was attached instead of a sling, a little port opened up, and Y/N stuck a flash drive into the slot. It took a moment for things to fire up, but when they did Tony’s heart jumped to his throat.        “Sir?”        And that’s when Steve realized what had happened.        “J.A.R.V.I.S?” Tony’s voice wavered in disbelief, and the eyes of the rest of the Avengers widened. Wanda upon hearing the familiar tone even went closer. Y/N thought she saw her mouth ‘Vis’ with furrowed eyebrows, but when there was nobody, the witch stopped in her tracks.        With glistening eyes, Tony looked up at her. “Why did you do that?”        Y/N shrugged, keeping her own tears at bay, but when he tugged on her hand and she sat down in his lap, she just burrowed her head in the crook of his neck. Tony just held onto her tighter. “He’s part of your family. Our family. And this time no one gets left behind.”        “I’m a bit out of the loop here, sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S.’s warm voice floated around them, making Y/N sniffle. “Would you please hook me up to the internet or just explain what is going on? For some reason, the connection has been lost.”        “Sure, thing buddy…” Tony dragged a hand down his face and placed the other one on Pepper’s palm that had grabbed his shoulder, leaning his cheek against it. His heart had never been this full in his entire life. Sure, there was a piece in Vision missing, but he was pretty sure if he worked together with Shuri and Wanda, they’d be able to get figure out a way to bring him back.    “It’s good to have you back, buddy,” he replied, clearing his voice once it cracked, and kissed Pepper’s hand in content.        “I was never gone, sir.”        And at that moment, it didn’t feel like the A.I. was saying, ‘I was never gone simply because Ultron never happened’. It was him saying ‘I’ve always been with you. You can’t get rid of me that easily.’        As Y/N stood up, watching her makeshift parents slowly make their way to the house the now ex-Captain who had passed on his shield to Sam approached.        “Why did you do that? Why didn’t you tell me?”Steve asked, walking to stand next to the woman as she crossed her arms and shrugged.        “I missed him. And if I missed him, then I can’t imagine how tough it must’ve been for dad. I mean, J.A.R.V.I.S was his friend, his family and was always there for him. And to lose him in such a horrible way and try and find it in someone who wasn’t really him… I just wanted to do something for him… he literally would’ve died if not for that crazy idea Quill had,” Y/N wiped away a tear. “I think it’s the least he deserves. And for the not telling part… I didn’t know it would work, I didn’t really think I’d be able to copy such a huge amount of data, so I didn’t wanna give false hope.”        “Stupid really is your middle name, huh?” Steve’s hand went to ruffle Y/N’s hair, but she flicked his hand away with a scoff.        “Do I need to bring in Bucky in this conversation? Cause I think he might have a few choice words for stupid being my middle name.”        “Nat,” Steve exclaimed dramatically, “save me!”        “Not a chance mister I-don’t-need-a-parachute-when-jumping-out-of-a-jet.”        “You don’t need a what now?” came the too calm voice of Bucky, from where he stood next to Sam, both talking about what it meant for him to take over Cap’s position.        ‘Run’ Loki mouthed to Steve, and without a second, he did, dashing to where Tony and Pepper were conversing with J.A.R.V.I.S just so he didn’t have to deal with Bucky’s scolding. He might have had his friend back, but that didn’t mean Bucky needed to know all the shit he’d been up to.        “So,” Loki leaned his forehead against Y/N’s, arms wrapping around her waist to secure her in place. “What were we doing before we were so rudely interrupted?"        “I think there’s someone else you need to talk to first,” Y/N detached from him with a small smile and nudged her chin towards a person standing behind Loki.        “I uh,” Thor fumbled for a moment and gave the two an apologetic smile, as they pulled back from one another, “I didn’t want to interrupt the moment.”        “That’s quite alright,” Loki mused, “you always knew the worst times to show up.”        Y/N slapped him in the arm hard enough that it made the raven-haired prince wince and pull away.        “What?”        “Be nice!”        With an 'I'm watching you' mouthed Loki's way, Y/N walked away from the brothers and went to talk to Peter. They hadn’t had a real chance to get to know one another, and she wanted to figure out who was the boy that her father loved so much, he was willing to give his life for.        “I’m,” Thor started. “I’m leaving Earth. For now, that is.”        That was not something Loki expected.       “And what will you do exactly?”        The blond shrugged. “It’s time for me to be who I am rather than who I’m supposed to be.”        Loki’s eyebrow raised. “And that includes…?”        “Don’t really know yet,” Thor shrugged, “but Asgard would need a new king.”        His brother’s mouth dropped open, but the thunder god just shrugged like it was something not even worth mentioning. “It’s what you’ve always wanted.”        “For a while, yes,” Loki nodded putting both his hands in his pockets before lifting his eyes from the ground and looking at Y/N who was talking to Peter and had Morgan on her hip. “But I think I’ve found a different reason to go on…”        Thor snorted, nudging his brother’s shoulder with his. “Anything to do with a certain girl?”        “Everything to do with a certain girl,” came Loki’s immediate reply. “So, you better find someone more qualified to take the place. I just know that this time I won’t waste the chance I’ve got.”        “I wouldn’t ask you to,” Thor almost murmured but it was loud enough for him to hear.  “How’s… mother and father?”        Loki gave him a sad smile. “They’re… good.”        Thor’s chin quivered for a moment before he slowly nodded, and his lips twitched upwards. “Did you give him a hard time about Hela?”        “Didn’t really get the chance, but I sure enjoyed it when he bristled first seeing me.”        “We’re a weird bunch, aren’t we?”        “The weirdest, but that’s what makes us great,” Loki patted Thor on the back, and together they moved to where everyone had gathered.        “Listen, I’m not happy about you and knock-off Severus Snape being together, so the second he hurts a single hair on your head, he’s dead,” he heard Tony exclaim, and Loki could practically feel the eye-roll Y/N made.        “Dad,” she groaned her arms crossed over her chest, but Loki couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his throat as his arms wove around her middle, and he rested his chin on her shoulder. He might have been permitted to enter Valhalla, but if there was a paradise it was there.        “Sissy,” Morgan pulled at Y/N’s sleeve and brought the attention to her, “who is that?”        “This is Loki,” she said with such fondness in her voice, that her little sister’s eyebrows furrowed identically like Tony’s did when he had to listen to bullshit.        “But that’s the one that attacked daddy!”        “Yeah, but,” she tried to find the correct way to explain everything that had happened but there was too much to say, so she just relented to the easy way out. “Remember when I said I was off in space for a bit? And I met someone?”        “Yeah,” she nodded still eyeing Loki suspiciously, “you said he protected and loved you. But why did he hurt daddy then?”        Loki who’d been biting the inside of his cheek while listening to the conversation put a gentle hand on the small of Y/N’s back. “If I may?”        She nodded albeit a bit reluctantly and watched as he crouched down to be eye level with Morgan.        “I – I did, hurt your father… and in turn, I know that hurt your sister, and for that, I will forever be sorry… but I’d like to think I’ve changed,” Loki spoke in the softest tone he ever had. Not even with Y/N had his voice held such tenderness. “I used to use my magic to harm others because it was the only thing, I thought I was good for but then I met your sister, and she showed me I’m capable of so much more.”        As he said that, he opened up his palm to the air, and Morgan gasped seeing the illusion of a Pegasus dancing above his fingers. Sure, she’d spent time around Thor before he went completely off-grid, but real magic was something unprecedented.    “You’re like Harry Potter!” she exclaimed. “Just without the wand!”        “Umm, sure,” Loki gave her a smile that wavered a bit because he had no clue who this mysterious person was, yet it seemed like someone she admired.            “Mom! I met an actual wizard” Morgan yelled running off in search for Pepper as Happy and Rhodey chuckled, but Tony had a mischievous smirk on his face. A new nickname was in the works.        A loud ‘excuse me!’ came from where Wong and Strange stood talking with Wanda, shock on both their faces, but Morgan didn’t care as she jumped up into her mother’s lap and started animatedly explaining Loki and his magic.        “Love, who’s Harry Potter?” he muttered in Y/N’s hair an arm securely around her waist.        “I’ll teach you all about him, don’t you worry,” she smiled turning to face him and clasped her palms behind Loki’s neck. “No boyfriend of mine will not know who The Boy Who Lived is. Besides,” her lips brushed against his making Loki chase after her, “we have all the time in the world to do so.”        “Promise?”        “Promise.”        Finally, after doing whatever it took, everything had fallen into place.        They were home.

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):��@lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @sweet-ladyy @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan@nerissa98 @happyseagrill @asguardiansoftheavengers @crazybutconfidentaf @wishingforahome @pizzarollpatrol @desir-ae@marvels-queen-bee @julierousing98 @maggiesimps @horrorx570ximagines @luluthegreatandterrible @bambamwolf87 @drakesfiance @artbysteph87 @beets1bears1battlestargalactica

A/N: welp... this is a beast :D

Another family fix-it-fic from yours truly :D

P.S. what did ya think?

P.S.S. my tags are always open :)

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1981

Under the cut.

Blondie -- "The Tide Is High" - January 31, 1981

I have problems trying to figure out what to say about Blondie. This song is reggae-ish, as it's a cover of a 1967 rocksteady song. The song itself is really good, and Blondie do interesting things with it without changing it much or being disrespectful. Of course, it has a lot more icy determination and a lot less vulnerability than the original, because Debbie Harry. It's enjoyable, but now that I've heard the original, I prefer that one. Nothing against Debbie Harry, but I usually prefer more warmth in music, especially when it comes to love songs.

Kool & The Gang -- "Celebration" -- February 7, 1981

I've heard this song way too much, and it's not a song that particularly rewards hundreds of listens. It's a good party song and all, but I'm never going to listen to it again if I have a choice.

Dolly Parton -- "Nine to Five" -- February 21, 1981

Having a steady 9 to 5 job that makes you a living sounds like a dream in the gig economy. But it did suck. They had no idea how much worse things would get, though. It's still a rich man's game, and you spend your life putting money in his wallet. As it's been since Babylon at least. This is a really good song, and the music is upbeat, and Dolly Parton is a world treasure, but my current 2020 mood means it depresses me too.

Eddie Rabbitt -- "I Love A Rainy Night" -- February 28, 1981

I'm trying to remember all the songs about rain I can. There's "Here Comes the Rain Again", "Purple Rain", "November Rain", "It's Raining Men", "Have You Ever Seen the Rain", "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head", "Rainy Days and Mondays", "Set Fire to the Rain" -- they're always about something else. Rain sets the stage, or it's a metaphor. This song is more like "Laughter in the Rain," which is simply about enjoying walking in the rain with someone you love and nothing more. But this is even less than that. He loves a rainy night. That's it and all and entire. And he is going to tell you he loves a rainy night 24 times. I counted. There's no musical variation either. That's the bulk of the song. Other than that, he loves lightning and thunder. It's no wonder I'd never heard this song before, because it is deadly dull.

REO Speedwagon -- "Keep On Loving You" -- March 21, 1981

It was the thing to denigrate 80s power ballads when I was a teenager because we'd had more than enough of them as children, thank you very much. We'd had more than enough of the 80s generally (they sucked, actually, no matter what those day-glo colors tell you. Reagan was an atrocity.) But power ballads didn't deserve the ire, and so they've been embraced again. This is one of the classics. It's about the narrator -- and the singer Kevin Cronan, in reality -- forgiving his wife for cheating on him. I didn't know that until now, because I never really listened to the song. It's far from my favorite power ballad, as how hard Kevin Cronan hits the consonants bugs me. Yeah, I'm from Michigan, I say "r"s like a pirate too, but not to that extreme.

Blondie -- "Rapture" -- March 28, 1981

Debbie Harry sort of raps on this. I dunno, I'm too distracted by the lyrics. The singing part makes sense, as it's about dancing causing rapture. But then the rap (?) part starts. "And you drive all night and then you see a light/ And it comes right down and lands on the ground/ And out comes a man from Mars/ And you try to run but he's got a gun/ And he shoots you dead and he eats your head/ And then you're in the man from Mars/ You go out at night, eatin' cars." It goes on like that. They're some of the weirdest lyrics I've ever seen, and I was a teenager in the Beck "Loser" era. They're probably supposed to just be weird, but... what? That's my opinion on this song.

Daryl Hall and John Oates -- "Kiss On My List" -- April 11, 1981

This is another 80s song I've heard a ton but never really listened to the lyrics. It is a love song, but I'm not quite sure what the narrator's getting at. "If you want to know/ What the reason is I'll only smile when I lie/ Then I'll tell you why." He says it's because your kiss is on his list, and he misses it when he turns out the light. He also seems to be hiding you from his friends. Is he cheating with you? Or maybe he's not with you but wants to be? I don't know, and I'm putting too much thought into what's really a slight but enjoyable pop song.

Sheena Easton -- "Morning Train (Nine to Five)" -- May 2, 1981

What a boring, repetitive beat. This is the opposite of Dolly Parton's "Nine to Five." The narrator in this one stays home while her husband goes to work on the morning train. The whole day, all she does is sit around thinking about him. Nothing else at all. I've nothing against one partner staying at home while the other goes out to work -- I'd be a hypocrite if so, because that's what I do. But I do have something against pretending any woman's brain is so utterly empty that literally all she can think about is her husband. She's not even trying to make a nice home or anything. She apparently just sits around obsessing over her husband. Maybe they've been married for two days, but even so. Also Sheena Easton doesn't hit the high notes she goes for, so that was an unpleasant nails on a chalkboard surprise. Terrible song.

Kim Carnes -- "Bette Davis Eyes" -- May 16, 1981

I love Bette Davis. I do not like this song. In fact, I hate this song. It's Kim Carnes' voice. She sounds like she's been smoking 3 cigars a day for 40 years. Worse, the way she chooses to sing is completely off the rails. She sounds like a cartoon character. I like Jackie DeShannon's original. I can't stand this version.

Stars on 45 -- "Stars on 45" -- June 20, 1981

Baby Boomer nostalgia is the most powerful force in the universe. Which doesn't mean all, or most, baby boomers are drowning in nostalgia, but the ones who are (like my father) are sure a profitable demographic. This "song" is a medley of a bunch of hits to make them go "I recognized it so I clapped." Incredibly bad.

Air Supply -- "The One That You Love" -- July 25, 1981

It's an almost power ballad song that sounds vaguely Broadway-ish, or would if Russell Hitchcock were a good singer. He's about as good a singer as me, except with a weaker voice. That is not good. He doesn't give me a headache or anything, and he does manage to hit the notes right (barely) and to put emotion into his voice, but the guys who sang the leads in our musicals in high school were better. Anyway, he's trying to get his lover not to break up with him, insisting over and over that he's "the one that you love." The lyrics aren't exactly great, but they're not horrible either. But this guy does not have a strong enough voice for power ballads. Yet again, I am wondering what Barry Manilow would have done with this.

Rick Springfield -- "Jessie's Girl" -- August 1, 1981

I remember people going kinda nuts for "Jessie's Girl" some years back, and being like... really? It's fine, but nothing special. He can't even seem to remember the name of the girl he wants. I dunno, whatever, I have no real problems with it, and it does have a nice beat, but it comes and goes without making an impression on me.

Diana Ross & Lionel Richie -- "Endless Love" -- August 15, 1981

Drowning in glop, send help.

Christopher Cross -- "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)" -- October 17, 1981

The movie Arthur is rom-com about a man who was born rich, has never grown up, has never faced any consequences, and treats women like garbage. Fuck aaaalllll the way off. We have reason to be particularly intolerant of this stuff nowadays, and we never should have tolerated it. Romance novelists are smart enough to give their rich heroes some trauma in their pasts, and nowadays the heroes rarely treat women badly either (Christian Grey being an exception. And even he at least has a tortured soul.) The song basically lays out the main character's personality, or lack thereof. There is the neat line, "When you get caught between the moon and New York City." And I woke up with that line -- and nothing else from the song -- in my head, so I can understand why it became a hit. But if I want a movie about the moon and New York City, I'll take Moonstruck.

Daryl Hall & John Oates -- "Private Eyes" -- November 7, 1981

This sounds like Scientology's theme song. Except the "private eyes" are metaphorical. He means he can tell you're hurting even when you try to hide it. "Why you try to put up a front for me/ I'm a spy but on your side, you see." Still, boundaries dude. It's musically fun enough, but the lyrics... eh...

Olivia Newton-John -- "Physical" -- November 21, 1981

This is an aerobics song. Technically it's supposed to be about sex, but Newton-John's in aerobics gear on the single cover, the music video is at a gym, and the beat is for exercising to. Not even dancing. It's not seductive in the slightest. Aerobics in the 80s led to a lot of hip replacements in the 00s. As a song, all I hear is background music for a workout, so... yeah, not interested.

BEST OF 1981 -- "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton. WORST OF 1981 -- "Stars on 45" by Stars on 45

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #285

"do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once?”

What does your car smell like? You assume I have a car. Would you ever let anybody else drive your car? ^ Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes, Sara. I want to visit her again, but right now I have no clue when that will happen. I have another friend that wants me to shoot her wedding that was planned for this year, but it was delayed to an unknown date, so. What was the last thing you used a blender for? A margarita. Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Yep. There's been a couple. Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? Yes. Mom and I aren't coming while Ashley's inlaws are there at her house, and then I think we're going to my other sister's since she wants to cook? I've only really overheard Mom over the phone, I'm not 100%. I'm just. Going with it. What’s your favourite flavor of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? Probably red velvet, or just double chocolate. I dunno. I love cake. I don't cook, though. Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? Well, you're SUPPOSED to wear a fucking mask, but "it's a hoax" and "you can't make me" fuckheads don't listen, and it's poorly-enforced. You see people without them all the time. Do you still watch cartoons? I'm not opposed, I just don't watch television. Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No. Do you use Pinterest? Ha, I get most of my (unedited) avatars from there. It also gives me some pose ideas for photography. Are you wearing earrings? Ugh, no. I absolutely hate how the first holes stretched from heavy earrings. I need to get a proper tapering set if I want to actually use gauges (mind you, very small) so they look even semi-good again. I don't wear any in the second/upper holes because I think it just looks weird with nothing in the first. Do you know any sign language? Not anymore. In elementary school, we did do a play however where in one of the songs, we signed the lyrics. I remember zero. Have you ever gone on a service trip to an underprivileged country? No. Which breed of dog do you find most scary? None. Ever been to a pottery class? Not particularly, no. I've made pottery in normal art classes multiple times, though. When you were young, did you ever pretend to “marry” somebody? I have no idea. I don't have a specific memory. Don’t you just find it annoying when people get too much plastic surgery? Oh, fuck off. Is it your body? Is it there to boost YOUR confidence? Then your opinion doesn't fuckin matter. Are you the type who usually plays it safe? Yep. Who do you think about most? It's certainly not willingly, but Jason. PTSD kinda engraved his presence in my brain. How’s your grandmother? Both are dead. What’s your favourite type of cloud? Big, tall, and poofy cumulonimbus ones. Do you have a birthmark? Where? Does it look like anything? Yeah, a slightly darker brown blotch on the side of my right forearm, near the elbow. If you were blind for the rest of your life… what would you miss seeing the most? Probably people smiling. My nieces' and nephew's came to mind first. What is your most disappointing moment in life? I've been living it for years now. I'm not who I wanted or thought I would be at all. What is the best reward anyone can give you? Validation lmao. What is your favorite animal? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Meerkats, always. God, I can barely boil it down to three words. Loyal, complex, and brave will have to do. What is your favorite color? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Pink. Soft, pretty, gentle. What do you consider to be the most valuable thing you own: when you were a child/teenager/now? As a child, my big plastic crocodile named Marlin (yes, after the Finding Nemo character) that was the "main character" in my games of make-believe. As a teen, probably Rebel, the stuffed meerkat Jason gave me. Now, it's absolutely the pebble I got upon "graduation" from my partial hospitalization program. What’s the kindest act you have ever seen done? I'm not sure; I've seen a good deal. Thinking of only the ones I've seen in-person, uhhhh... wait. A couple days before my overdose, in desperation, I called Jason's house in the middle of the night wanting to talk to him. His mom answered, and she talked to me for hours with such patience and kindness to try and calm me down. I miss her a lot. Is Frozen one of your favorite Disney movies? No, I never really liked it. If you were an explorer, would you rather explore the Arctic Circle, Antarctica, or Alaska? Ohhh, Alaska. It's gorgeous and at least not absolutely frigid everywhere. How many blankets do you sleep with in the winter? I usually just have my usual thick comforter, but if I'm seriously cold, I'll grab another smaller one to wrap myself in underneath the big one. Do you know of anyone who was in labor or gave birth to a baby during a major snowstorm? HAHA my mama w/ me. Do you enjoy eggnog during the winter - with or without alcohol? EW. Do you dress any of your pets in seasonal/holiday apparel? No; I really dislike the concept of dressing your animals unless it's truly for their own benefit/warmth. Who was the last person to give you a gift? What was the reason for it? Uhhhhh. I have no idea. Are you a good cook? If so, who taught you? What’s your favourite thing to cook? NOOOOOOO. When was the last time something in your house broke? Did you manage to fix it or did you need to buy a replacement? Ugh, my laptop is fucked up. It's either the charger port, charger itself, or Mom thinks perhaps the battery. Her friend's husband is gonna look at it after Christmas. Is any part of your body hurting right now? What caused that pain? For once my legs aren't hurting. They almost always do from either muscle atrophy or them having been still for too long. The last time you made a sandwich, what did you put in there? It was just a normal 'ole peanut butter sandwich. What’s your favorite time of day? What’s your favorite thing to do at that time? First thing in the morning, because it feels like a new start. I like watching the sky change from pinkish to blue while I'm just sitting in bed checking everything. Where did you go the last time you left your house? I rode with Mom to her doctor's appointment. I didn't go in w/ her for obvious reasons, I just wanted to go on a ride and listen to music. If you eat steak, how do you like it cooked? What sauces or sides do you like to go with it? It has to be medium well. Idk what sauces are cooked into it that I like, because I don't make it. I like fries with steak, and probably Sara's mom's mashed potatoes would go well, haha. Do you prefer sweet or savory pancakes? What toppings do you have on them? I can't imagine me liking savory pancakes... I just like the usual: butter (not mandatory tho) and syrup. Are you someone who cracks their joints a lot? Which one(s) do you tend to crack and click the most? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO, I HATE THE NOISE SO MUCH. My lower spine pops a lot, though. Some fingers occasionally, too. Have you ever taken medication or tablets to help you sleep? Is this something you do on a regular basis? Yeah, I was taking Melatonin to fight insomnia for quite a while. I only stopped it because my mom was theorizing that it may have been making my nightmares worse, because her dad had AWFUL nightmares on it. I don't know if it did or didn't foor me, honestly. For you, what’s the worst thing about getting up in the morning? What about the worst thing about going to bed tonight? Knowing in the back of my mind that despite my hope, today's going to be the same as yesterday. I dread most nights the process of lying down and actually falling asleep, because it can take hours. Do you prefer regular or diet soft drinks? Not only do I think diet sodas taste bad, but the artificial sweetener gives me awful headaches, anyway. What do you tend to wear if you’re just hanging about the house for the day? I'm only always in my pjs. When was the last time you dyed your hair? Did you do it yourself or get it done at a hairdresser? Ugh... it's been a very, very long time. It was done by a hairdresser, but per usual, the color didn't stick well. I am DYING to bleach my hair so I can dye it pastel pink, light silver, or like a creamsicle orange. I edited some pictures of myself to "try" these colors on, and omg I loved them all. Does having to wear a mask stop you doing things? Is this because you struggle wearing one or you just don’t like it? Not really, no. I barely go anywhere at all though, so I have Have you ever witnessed a car accident? Or have you perhaps been involved in one yourself? Were you at fault? Yes; yes; no. How many books do you read in a year? Do you enjoy reading or do you have to really force yourself to sit down and read? VERY few. I've only just gotten back into semi-regularly reading since Sara got me into Wings of Fire. I have one friend though that is an INCREDIBLE bookworm; she keeps track of how many books she's read in a year, and she's already beyond one a day. It's incredible. If you have pets, where did they come from? A breeder, a rescue or maybe a friend who bred their pet? Roman came from Ashley's inlaws'. They have like an infestation of cats needing to be spayed, so they didn't at all mind letting me have one because I'd been wanting a cat for a long time. I love my baby boy so much. Venus came from The Gourmet Rodent, a snake breeding (and F/T rat provider, as the name suggests) business from Florida. I highly recommend them. Their customer service was fantastic when I was worried about Venus not eating. They even checked up with me a few months following my emails to ensure she was doing well. Have you ever seen an episode of My 600lb Life? No. I absolutely NEVER could. As an obese person who's been fighting her fucking ass off to lose weight for years, I don't want to be further depressed. Do you feel bad when someone asks you to hang out and you say no? Oh yes I do. Ngl, if I don't want to hang for whatever reason, I'm the kind that makes up an excuse to not seem *as* "rude" (quotations bc it's technically not rude at all, anxiety just tells me it is). When was the last time you turned down plans with someone? What did you decide to do instead? Ummmm I'm not sure. Have you ever had any “unusual” or exotic pets? If you could own any animal, what would it be and why? Do you consider iguanas or Chinese water dragons as "exotic/unusual?" Nothing stranger than that, really. I would never, ever own a truly exotic animal that wouldn't do well in captivity. I do however pretty desperately want to rescue an opposum one day, though. I positively adore them; they're my second-favorite animal. How often do you wash your hair? I don't even have a regular schedule for that anymore, honestly... I have to every time I shower because my hair gets oily FAST, but I try to put off showers as long as I can handle now because of how bad my selfcare has been for multiple reasons... What have you found the hardest about the current pandemic? Not seeing an end in sight because people are fucking dumb. Shit's not going to get better unless things drastically change. And what about the easiest? Has anything improved in your life because of what’s happened? Certainly nothing has improved. Not much has changed for me, considering I barely ever left the house to begin with. If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Are they related or even the same species? They ignore each other, really. Surprisingly, even. Roman will sit on my bed and watch Venus slither about occasionally if she's out, even meerkat pose haha, and playful as he is, it's unexpected that he *does* mostly ignore her. What was the last meal you ate? Did you have anything good? Breakfast; I had Special K cereal. I've finally started to get back on track with eating okay. Do you live somewhere where strangers say hi to you in the street? Would you like to live somewhere like that? Where we live now, if you pass someone outside in the car, it's normal and really expected to give a little wave. That's very normal here in the South though, really; you don't just have to be in your own neighborhood. Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? The chocolate Equate ones are normal in my diet, actually. They're really not bad at all and played a big role in me losing ~60lbs before. Funnily enough, I haven't found a popular name brand I like, though. Cheap stuff isn't always bad. Do you make up silly nicknames for your pets or family members? "Silly" ones, not really, besides Roman. I call him "weirdo" and "crazy" a lot, but nothing truly unique. What’s your favorite thing to take photographs of? Are you actually any good at photography? Nature or boudoir (only shot it once, but I love it and the confidence it gives people). Being as modest as possible, I honestly do think I'm pretty good at it. Do you have anything interesting planned for the rest of the day? How about for tomorrow or the weekend? I haven't had anything interesting planned in eons, it seems like. Are you going to take the vaccine for COVID once it becomes available? Once it proves to be reliable and safe, hell yes. I'm doing my goddamn part in ending this shit. How much housework have you done lately? Is this more or less than usual? A bit more than usual since I haven't finished decorating my room since moving... I've been doing it very slowly and gradually. I need to just finish it already, I'm just so unmotivated. What gifts are you hoping to get for your next birthday (or Christmas, whichever one is coming up next)? I'm fucking dying to get my tat redone/improved. Been waiting since LAST Christmas when I didn't get to use my own gifted money. Do you suffer from any form of motion sickness? No. Do you contribute regularly to any Facebook groups at all? "I’m a member of plenty, but hardly ever post." <<<< Same. I react to posts a lot, though. Just don't really make my own. When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with the numbers you saw? Ugh... when I went to the doctor I think last week. I knew it'd be bad, but the verification fucking sucked. Since moving, I've gained ~30lbs. Have you got any chronic health issues? What do you do to try and manage them as best you can? YIKES I am a CATASTROPHE. I've got a dictionary of mental health issues that I'm not gonna go through individually, but I deal with them via prescription medications and therapy and sheer will. Who taught you how to drive? My driver's ed teacher. It was mandatory in HS. What was your high school mascot? A firebird. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. What did you do after graduation? I very briefly went to a community college. What was your first job? GameStop sales associate. If my social anxiety wasn't fucking shit, I probably would have liked it. What did you want to be when you grew up? Somewhat in order: paleontologist, vet, movie director, game designer, animal biologist, video editor (VERY brief), and photographer. Writer, poet, and artist were always something I wanted to do in my free time OR full time if I was lucky. Do you remember the first time you drank a beer? I've never tried beer and don't want to. It smells fucking awful, and because my dad is a recovered alcoholic who was addicted to that in specific, I just want nothing to do with it. Did you ever try cigarettes? No. I have absolutely never understood the appeal, but with a very addictive personality and wild anxiety, I never wanted to risk it, anyway. How did you spend your summers growing up? LOADS of swimming in the pool, jumping on the trampoline, and just playing outside in general. If you could change anything from your teenage years, would you? I'd absolutely change how I found happiness only in Jason. Do you remember your first time? No, because at that time, I didn't really realize it was sex. I know that sounds weird, like "how would you not know?", but just trust me. I don't feel like retrospecting on it. I do remember our first *kiss*-kiss, though. How much did you make per hour at your first job? I don't recall. Favorite home-cooked meal growing up? I looooved spaghetti. Favorite place to eat out growing up? McDonald's, duh, lol. Did your parents live in a different country before you were born? No. They were from different states, though. Do you have a preferred coffee brand? Don't like coffee. Have you ever dated someone who was terrible with money? No. How often do you paint your nails? Never. Do you know anyone who's related to a current or former world leader? Not that I know of. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? I don't pay taxes because I'm unemployed. What is something you don't have any natural talent for? Speaking. At all. What is something you frequently forget? "Numbers." <<<< BIG fat same. How do you feel about your body? How much I hate it is on my mind literally every waking moment of my life to some degree. Who is someone you would like to get to know better? So I have this Facebook friend Courtlynn who seems very similar to me, and I'd love to get to know her better. We interact via posts here and there, but have never seriously talked. What's your opinion on assisted suicide? I am very much for it when a person is in serious pain and recovery is not possible. Like one of my greatest nightmares is being paralyzed from the neck down, and I stg I would spite whichever fucker had jurisdiction over me living. That would be absolute torture for me. At what point do you consider a relationship to be "long-term?" A year, so long as you were consistently together. Stable. What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? My dad's been a mailman my entire life, and he had a second job at Lowe's for a while as a carpenter. He hated it. Mom worked with computer data at the hospital when I was very young, and then she was an assitant and special needs teacher for a long time. Do they still have these jobs? Or different jobs? Or have they retired? ^ about Dad. It's his only job now. Mom is currently on disability. Do you have a cell contract plan, or are you on a pre-paid plan? Would you believe me if I said I'm unsure? Haha. I use a Tracfone, and my mom takes care of whatever plan comes with that, so idk. Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Mom, absolutely. I'm unsure about Dad. I mean he wouldn't *seriously* care so long as they were good to me, but I think he might still be kinda racist. Or he just jokes about it a lot (which should not be joked about, btw). Do you like when friends stop by unexpectedly? "No way lol. I’m very much of a loner and want to be “prepared” to spend time with people." <<<< Absolutely this. How strong are your feelings for the last person you kissed? I love her very, very much. What was the last thing someone else bought for you? Food, I'm sure. Are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with? I haven't seen a picture of her in years, so I have no idea. I remember she was beautiful, though. Is music a daily part of your life? Not daily, no. Some days I only watch YT videos instead of listen to music. What do you think of country music? Not a fan at all. It's ironic considering it was my favorite genre as a little kid. There's the occasional country song I like (mostly ones from my childhood, though), but those are few and far between. Tim McGraw, now, I love. Did you go to your high school’s graduation? Yeah, even though I didn't want to. I didn't care enough about the actual ceremony. Who was the last person to message you on Facebook? What would you do if that person told you they have feelings for you? That would be the woman I took family pictures for. She's married and we barely know each other, so I can assure you she doesn't. When you apply your make-up, do you do it in a specific order? On the very rare occasion I wore makeup, yes. Eyeliner, usually eyeshadow, mascara, and most rarely, black lipstick. Does it matter to you if your significant other smokes? Yes. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Mom, I think. Do you like where you are in life right now? HA. Is your mom overbearing? No.

[smolbeandrabbles]

Somewhere on a Beach - Ned Kendall x Reader (Beautiful Kate)

Thank you to a certain someone and her side blog for kicking me into gear and actually get around to writing this... 😏

Author’s Note: Well as if this hasn’t been sitting in my drafts since I watched the movie (it has.) Fine-uh-lee I get to write about the Writ-er... Is this it? Is Ned the last one of my little collection? I think so... Damn, boi, I’m sorry!

Disclaimer: Beautiful Kate characters (& associated things!) not mine  / lyrics not mine Premise: In a bid to help Ned escape his past, and get his writing back on track, you take him away... Words: 3180 Warnings: Sexual Connotations / Hinted Dom/Sub relationship / swearing

_________ Bet you think I'm sitting at home, no Bet you think that I'm all alone, no Bet you think I'm missing you and wishing you would call my phone Hell no! I'm somewhere on a beach Sipping something strong Got a new girl, she got it going on We drink all day, and party all night I'm way too gone to have you on my mind She got a body and she's naughty And she got me like you ain't never got me I'm getting sun, getting some, and I ain't slept in a week Yeah, I'm somewhere on a beach

I wish it could've worked out But I'm gettin' over you now On a beach towel with my shades on My drink's up And the sun's out Huh, I'm somewhere on a beach

---

Ned knew what he was going to do the second he left that house. He knew, looking at the little name tag emblazoned with Toni exactly what he was going to do. Find her, get her back, marry her, all’s well that ends well… Except before that had even had the chance to happen, he’d met you. Whether that meeting was coincidental, or just happened to be exactly what he needed, he didn’t know. But suddenly that big plan of his didn’t matter anymore. His mild obsession with you had him seeing you every chance he could – and every chance you would let him. You had that childish charm about you that he clearly still liked in women, but you were level too – and he liked that, because it finally kept him grounded. You were interested in his writing and what he did. And you liked him telling you what to do – like that… not like that. And he liked that too, because it put you on the same sexual wavelength, with similar libidos. So as Ned got to know you, and like you even more; days became weeks, became months. And Toni was buried at the back of his mind, and the back of one of his draws. He was quite happy to let her remain there too; until he happened to ask you to get him something from that particular draw. “Who is Toni?” You wandered back into the room he was sitting in, tapping his pen with annoyance on his notebook. You’d noticed this for a little while, something restless in the way he was writing. He couldn’t get anything out fast enough, but yet he seemed not to be able to get anything out at all. Maybe he was having writers block… You’d often wake up in the morning to find screwed up papers strewn all over the floor. You always tided them up, keeping them but never reading them. Just in case he ever wanted to pick up whatever plot threads he was cutting – but those words were his, until he decided to share them with you. But Ned valued your opinion, so every so often he’d give you a few pages to read and stand with a hopeful smile until you’d finished. He thrived on every drop of feedback you could give him. He’d seen your bookshelves and knew you were an avid reader… He looked up confused for a minute “Huh?” You held the name tag up; “Toni?” He noticed immediately that your tone was inquisitive, not accusational. “Oh. Sh*t. Do I still have that?!” Ned pushed his chair out and walked to you, holding his hand out for it. You placed it delicately in his palm and he sighed; “She’s my Ex-Fiancée.” Fiancée? He didn’t strike you as the marrying type. Maybe you were wrong. “Oh. I’m sorry.” His eyes flicked to your face; sorry? Why would you be sorry? He had you now… Without her being his Ex anything, he wouldn’t have you. “You don’t have to be sorry…” Ned’s fingers closed around the small piece of metal, “…We wouldn’t be here otherwise… And I certainly like you better…” You knew from the look on his face that he hadn’t meant it to come out the way it did, so you decided to ignore it, with a smile and stepped forward to offer him a kiss. Which he gratefully accepted. You nodded behind him to his writing; “How’s it going?” He hummed, trying to find the right words as he also looked back at his desk and multiple sheets of paper – you were at least happy to see that none had hit the floor yet. “Oh…” Ned’s arms snaked around you, “…It’s just 10,000 words of bullsh*t…” he shook his head “It doesn’t go anywhere it’s just… useless rambling…” He sighed; “I dunno what’s wrong…” Your hand found the one in which he still held the name tag; “Maybe you need a writing retreat… Maybe you should take her from your draw… and let her go.” His head swivelled slowly back to you, you thought maybe he wouldn’t like you saying that. You weren’t suggesting he still loved her, you weren’t even suggesting he ever thought of her. But taking him away for a little while, away from anything that could hold memories, might be exactly what he needed. And that look on his face told you that what you’d just said was exactly what he needed to hear… He let you lace your fingers with his behind your back; “Do you think that would help?” “I do…” Ned brushed his lips gently to yours and held you tighter; “Well, baby, where do you wanna go?” “Oh no…” You shook your head, “This one’s all yours.” ** So with the nametag buried at the bottom of his suitcase, you both packed up and headed out to some tropical island. And the first thing he did when you arrived was put his watch in the top draw. No time zone, no return flight, nothing. That’s what you wanted for him, to clear his head and get back to what he loved so much. For it to mean something again. It started slow, words here and there, two or three sentences before he had to get up and wander. Sometimes Ned told you to stay, and sometimes he wanted you to accompany him. But you noticed the walks became progressively shorter, and eventually there was a notebook involved, and he would wrap your hand around his arm, rather than interlock with your fingers, and produce this and a pen from his pocket and begin scribbling. And you liked that, it made you smile. But once again – you never asked to read it, he’d let you know when he was ready for that. When he was ready to disclose that vulnerability again. By the end of your second week he was writing for hours a day. And his breaks weren’t to live in his head or wander around – but were to pay attention to you. It hadn’t taken you long to become attuned to the way Ned was; so every so often you’d bring him coffee or water or what you knew he needed. And he was always grateful of that.   You didn’t mind this distance, you were quite happy relaxing here yourself, sunbathing or exploring…. But now he was firmly back on the ground, and writing without yet tearing or screwing up one scrap of paper, he also seemed happier. So instead of just spending the occasional walk and meal times with him, now his breaks always started with him giving you that look – and ended with him pinning you up against some surface and having you whatever way he wanted. No no, hands here… that’s right darling… MMm hmmm… Like that… hush! Stop squirming!... Like this? Is that okay?... Good girl… but you enjoyed that too, it was like he was coming back, slowly. But even you knew that at the bottom of his bag that slip of metal still burned… One day you woke alone, and upon wandering out into the main room of the beach house you were renting discovered that Ned wasn’t there either. You only slightly panicked as you dressed, wiggling a shirt over your bikini and ran from the house. You stopped on the dunes as soon as you saw his silhouette in the distance, at the end of the short pier upon which were moored a series of small wooden boats. He was already dressed, shades on… And even from here you could see, as you wandered slowly over, the sunlight was glinting off something in his hands. You didn’t need to see it up close to know exactly what it was. You stood at the end of the pier with folded arms in silence and watched him. This was Ned’s to do, and his alone. His to think though, to sort, to end. If he wanted to end it… Maybe she was a writing muse and that’s why he couldn’t let go. Maybe it had just always been hard for Ned to let go of the past. He clasped his hand around the object and took a few steps back, shaking his head. And you tried not to get disappointed; the only way for him to gain any real freedom and breathing room from this was for him to let go. But then, perhaps he wasn’t ready. Then he paused again; and there were another few minutes of dead silence and hard thinking – if you listened you’d probably be able to hear the gears in his brain shifting… - he looked out to the sea and his stance was suddenly stronger. His decision was made; you knew that look. He took 3 or 4 running paces forward and threw it. That gold name tag with her name engraved in black was in the air barely seconds before it hit the water; and there was something poetic about it. It was a good throw too; and it hardly made a sound – then you knew it was done. She was gone, sinking to the bottom of the sea… He straightened again with a sigh, you knew of relief, and turned. You startled him and Ned stumbled a little; before acting like he meant to do it and using it to push into a jog down the pier to you instead; “…It’s done?” “Mmm… It’s over…” His hands snaked under your shirt as you pulled him to you; “You’re free now…” “Mmm… No… I’m just yours now.” And so he was. *** It was like a weight had lifted; he was jokey and playful and light hearted and he smiled more. He told you things he’d never told you before… even when it was clear to you he wasn’t all that comfortable talking about them. Like he was opening up a little more of his world to you – not all of it, you knew Ned Kendall would always be a lot to unpack; it was all there in the way he wrote. The words he was saying behind the words he was writing. But he’d tell you eventually, if he wanted to, or he’d keep his secrets – and you wouldn’t mind. Like that nametag was the last piece of a past he wished he didn’t have. The last piece he had to get rid of; not burry so he could revisit it. There was a certain maturity to the man sitting in front of you now that was appearing; dormant – you decided – simply invisible, not never there. It was like there was a new level of trust now, like he was willing to show you this, like he was ready to step up and be this person now, in this moment; and with you. No looking back, and no guessing the future…

It was also apparent in the way he wrote, how you’d see him smile for page upon pages. Sometimes he’d laugh at a private joke, or nod to himself if he wrote something he deemed pretty impressive. And you could watch him do that for hours – the TV was all but background noise; because he was truly fascinating. Watching a writer go through their process like this. How he’d stop and tap his pen, moving it through his fingers as he thought on a scene; or played dialogue through in his mind… then he’d jot down points elsewhere to remind him of something for later in the story. How sometimes his lips would part; and he’d say words without saying them. Or mutter things under his breath. You couldn’t always hear, but sometimes it was the same word repeated with different stresses. How were his characters saying these lines? What was the best word to use for the context of what was happening? Sometimes he’d call your name; “Y/N… Give me a word for…” or “Y/N… What’s that word that means…” even though he was the writer he valued what you had to say and every “No, no that… what else… No… No that one I used… AH! That’s it!” or “See, there, eloquence. Thank you!” made you smile. Because when you read back his work and you found that suggestion of yours, you knew you’d be beaming internally as well as externally. No one else reading it would know, but you would – there was a piece of you present in novels that would sell copies worldwide. That thought was exciting. Today Ned had started early, because the light that streamed into bedroom was pale when he left you. Not for want of trying to cling onto him and make him stay… “You know I don’t reward whining…” was an outright lie, but you let him go all the same; save for him maybe dragging you out of bed and across the floor as you wrapped around him. So, with one last kiss to your forehead he left you to fall back to sleep for a few hours. This behaviour wasn’t uncommon, sometimes you’d be woken up by a light in the middle of the night because he just had to write this scene in his head down. So again, you left him to it. And when you awoke you got ready for the day slowly, to give him as much time and silence as possible. As you padded from the bedroom to the kitchen, you caught his eye, and he followed you with a playful smirk; “Does it ever occur to you to, y’know, get dressed?” “…You like it better when I don’t…” you threw back over your shoulder, to a growl; “Besides… This is a bikini and we are literally living on a beach. So, this is dressed.” “My T-shirt is a nice addition.” You smiled, and set about making coffee; “…Thought you’d like that…” You turned back to him, biting his lower lip, and the array of coffee mugs over his desk; “I’d say you don’t need another one of these…” He gave a shrug “If you’re gonna look after me, I’ll defer to your good nature.” You took a sip of your own coffee and walked over to him, “Mmm, you better…” Ned’s eyes traced you for a moment and he put his pen down. “C’mere…” “Oh no, you’re busy…” “Don’t make me ask twice…” There was a glint in those eyes. You sat on the edge of his desk and took his hand, and his eyes fell to your coffee cup – “You’re going to eat too, right.” “Well I mean-” “That wasn’t a question – eat. You’re gonna need it.” You raised a questioning eyebrow; “Was that a promise..?” “Maybe.” But that little smile of his told you it was. “Okaaay.” “Good girl.” But before you could get up, he tugged you by the hand to pull you onto his lap; his hands caressed your bare skin as he kissed you; tasting like coffee and cigarette smoke. “See, now I don’t wanna leave…” You stole as many kisses as he let you, painfully aware that the way he was tracing you with his fingertips was meant to be teasing only. He was never going to give you what you wanted. “Well, how am I gonna work if you don’t leave…” “You pulled me here!” You kissed him again as you slid from his arms “Also, I hate you.” “I know…” he stretched and winked at you with an injection of confidence; “You won’t later though…” You laughed, gathering some of his empty coffee mugs with your own “Always later…” He laughed; “Worth the wait though…” You heard his pen begin to scratch at the surface of his notebook again; “…Thank you!” “…You’re welcome!” By the time you’d eaten, making a point of it so he knew, finished your coffee, washed and dried up and gathered your things for the beach it was very late morning. And Ned was once again back in the flow of writing. The heat was pretty scotching when you stood in it directly inside, and you knew it would only get worse. Also, you knew that Ned would possibly sit there for hours and hours and forget that he should really hydrate, so before you left you took him a few glasses of water; He slowed his writing speed down, but didn’t stop as his eyes flicked up to thank you. You simply shook your head with that same kind smile; there was no need to thank you. You shouldered your bag and again, rounded the desk to him – touching his arm delicately – he didn’t need words to know what that meant… and placed his hand over yours for a moment. He could write so much that he couldn’t say… and yet that unspoken language, of really knowing someone, still meant the most. You left him to walk to the double doors leading onto the beach and paused for a moment, sliding your shades from your hair to over your eyes and breathing in the sea air. He turned; with a smile of his own to watch you stand there in the light for a minute; yes, you might be his muse… but you were the right kind of muse. And more than anything he wanted you to be one that lasted. “No eating ice-cream without me.” You laughed; “Okay.” “I could just say no ice-cream.” “That’s unfair.” “Careful, babe.” Was that the second warning you’d had today? Third? “No ice-cream until I see you later. I know.” You repeated, Ned nodded to himself, “Have a good day…” “And you… Work hard!” He chuckled; “Yeah, I will…” With that you wandered off, back onto the golden sand and across to the resort that your little beach house was a part of. Ned placed his pen down again and pushed his chair out. He wanted to join you, of course he did. But something made him stop; that’s not what you wanted. You’d left him to get on with his novel, that was the exact purpose for you leaving with a bag too – so you wouldn’t have to come back to the villa and disturb him. She actually respects this is my work and I should keep going with this... He shook his head gently and pulled the chair back in; I should really thank her more for that… Glancing to the glasses of water in front of him, he picked one up; Hell, and this too… As he began to drink through the bottom of the glass he could see a blurry, but colourful shape. He paused and tipped the glass back straight, raising an eyebrow; “What?” running his fingertips underneath the glass he untacked the sticky note, and was once again laughing. It wasn’t much, but it meant a lot. You’d drawn a heart. Nothing more than that. Worth 1000 words… Ned stuck it to the inside of his notebook and leant on his hand just staring at it whilst time passed him by. Just a tiny gesture; but it made him smile. You made him smile… --- @dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad. @3134045126 - Without you Jax, this wouldn’t be written ❤

[brandalorian]

Nobody every asks me so I’m just answering all

1. selfie - I’ll post one

2. what would you name your future kids? Have 3 already - Lilianna, Gianna, and Haven

3. do you miss anyone? A ton of people, especially with this COVID bitch hanging around

4. what are you looking forward to? My mortgage refinance going through so I can have some breathing room in my budget

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? No, I can definitely get in moods

6. is it hard for you to get over someone? No, I’ve trained myself to be able to always keep moving forward. Dunno if that’s a good or bad thing at this point

7. what was your life like last year? Hectic, but way better than this year

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? I’m sure at some point in my life

9. who did you last see in person? My girlfriend and her daughter

10. are you good at hiding your feelings? I can be, but sometimes it’s impossible

11. are you listening to music right now? No, on the clock currently

12. what is something you want right now? Sex, happiness, no debt

13. how do you feel right now? Stressed and anxious

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? Yesterday

15. personality description? Sarcastic, off putting, annoying

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? Yes, I would imagine most people have

17. opinion on insecurities? Everyone has them, just don’t project them onto others and we cool

18. do you miss how things were a year ago? Sometimes

19. have you ever been to New York? No

20. what is your favourite song at the moment? I’ve really been digging Sunday Best by Surfaces

21. age and birthday? 31 and January 31st

22. description of crush? It’s a soda that comes in 3 flavors I believe?

23. fear(s)? Deep water and clowns (mainly cause 🍆 is linked to shoe size and DAYUM)

24. height? 5’11

25. role model? Ryan Reynolds

26. idol(s)? Isn’t that the same as a role model?

27. things i hate? People who try to control others bodies

28. i’ll love you if… You are nice to me or compliment me

29. favourite film(s)? Deadpool 1&2, most Mark Wahlberg/Will Ferrell movies, ALL of the Star Wars, and the Guardians of the Galaxy films

30. favourite tv show(s)? Oh goodness this will be difficult, Firefly, Arrested Development, The Office, Breaking Bad, most of GoT, annnnnnd Archer

31. 3 random facts? To my knowledge I’ve never broken a bone, but I was raised without health insurance so I wouldn’t know if I did growing up. All of my siblings and myself have names starting with Br. I’m pretty good at math stuffs

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? Pretty even split honestly

33. something you want to learn? More carpentry stuff

34. most embarrassing moment? I don’t embarrass easily so nothing comes to mind

35. favourite subject? Math or art

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? Traveling to whatever my main heritage is (DNA results are in the mail). Raising HAPPY and healthy kids that don’t have trauma to recover from. Making some money from my hobbies

37. favourite actor/actress: Ryan Reynolds

38. favourite comedian(s)? John Mulaney, Dimitri Martin, and Daniel Tosh

39. favourite sport(s)? To watch - football and basketball. To play - Any of them

40. favourite memory? Any of the days I spent with my family after my girls were born and my dad was alive

41. relationship status? Taken

42. favourite book(s)? The Hobbit

43. favourite song ever? Oooooh.... I Believe In A Thing Called Love or Bohemian Rhapsody

44. age you get mistaken for? If I shave, late teens early 20s. With a beard, early 20s

45. how you found out about your idol? N/A

46. what my last text message says? It’s pretty dusty!

47. turn ons? Women

48. turn offs? Bad hygiene

49. where i want to be right now? On a vacation with my whole family

50. favourite picture of your idol? N/A

51. starsign? Aquarius

52. something i’m talented at? Idk art sometimes and math

53. 5 things that make me happy? Family, my kids, my home, video games, weed

54. something thats worrying me at the moment? Money

55. tumblr friends? @ all my mutuals

56. favourite food(s)? Anything you can turn a potato into

57. favourite animal(s)? Fox

58. description of my best friend? I have a few so I’ll list what they have in common - Nerdy, awkward, funny, innapropriate

59. why i joined tumblr? Somewhere to blog and whine about my feelings

60. ask me anything you want? I know everything about you, I’m you!

[papa-rhys]

What kind of deputy would you ship with John?

Ooh, I had more HCs for this than I thought I did. Sorry if this is too long, I got a lil carried away! I did it about the type of person he’d want/I’d ship him with in general, rather than it being specifically the Deputy. I dunno if this is necessarily what you wanted, but I think you’ll find some of this of use. :3 I’ll put it all below the cut because it’s long and I don’t wanna clog up anyones dash!

First and foremost: he’d definitely need someone who’s caring, understanding, and patient. He’s never had any of that in his life, and he needs a strong dose of it, for sure. We all know he needs reassurance constantly, so he’s gonna need someone who isn’t gonna get tired or annoyed when he asks them if they’re telling him the truth for the 5th time in 20 minutes. He’s also gonna need someone who he can open up to about his past without feeling pressure or judgement, because although he’s rich af, we all know this boy ain’t payin’ for therapy.

He’s gonna need someone who can get down with his violent streak and his lust for pain. It’d be even better for both of them if they were also thrilled by it, but just as long as they can accept it, he’ll be fine. He can’t be with someone who can’t handle his urges for violence. Those urges are a big part of who he is (whether he likes it or not) and his job as a Herald, and if his S/O is gonna chastise him or give him disapproving looks every time he comes home with blood on his shirt, then they’re not gonna get along with each other for very long. 

They’d have to be able to handle themselves; he has no time in his schedule for someone who needs him to step in and help them all the time, and he’s not always capable of doing that anyway, because quite frankly; he often doesn’t care enough. He’s a “me” guy, rather than a “you” guy, and he has no real interest in problems that aren’t his own, so they’re gonna have to buckle up and sort out their own shit.

In a similar vein to the last one; he finds dealing with people very emotionally taxing, so he’d need someone who likes their own space as much as he does. He’s not the kind of partner who’s always spending the night at your house and watching movies with you. He needs to be by himself for at least 4 nights of the week. 

Sex, sex, sex. Sex everywhere. Sex on the kitchen counters, sex on the dining room table, sex on the hood of his car - sex is a big part of Johns life, and thus it has to be a big part of his S/O’s life, too. They have to be ready for it at all times. I’ve said it in a previous post, but John lives a busy life. He’s managing a large portion of the cult and is single-handedly running Holland Valley, so he needs to blow off steam a lot. His S/O needs to be ready for him to turn up at their house completely stressed out with his coat hung over his shoulder and his tent already half-pitched. Also, the fact that sex is a sin and is forbidden by the church only makes him want it more. It makes it all the more sweeter when he gets home from a long day and finds that his S/O has come over to his ranch on a surprise visit. Crazy wild sex is sure to ensue. They need to be into some kinky stuff, too. And I don’t mean spanking and occasional hair-pulling. John doesn’t really have a limit to how fucked up he can get, so he needs an S/O who doesn’t have many limits either. They need to be up for anything; and I mean anything. No matter how painful it might - and will - be for them.

He’d get along better with someone who’s sceptical of everything, rather than someone who trusts everyone. His past has made him a sceptical person, especially when it comes to people, so he’d find the “everyone has good in them” mindset rather insufferable. He considers it naive and thinks that everyone who thinks that way deserves whatever they get.

He’d definitely have to be with someone who’s religious; if he found out that they aren’t religious after he’s already fallen for them, he’ll be determined to convert them. If he can’t, then this relationship isn’t going anywhere. That’s his main deal-breaker and I probably should’ve put it further up the list.

Similar to that is their opinion on his family. Although it isn’t necessary for the relationship to work, he’d really prefer them to get along with his brothers. They’re very important to him, and he’d find it very difficult and stressful if either side were constantly at each others throats whilst he stood in the middle. Especially with his history of dealing with abuse. Arguments tend to set him off. They spook him a lot and his heart continues to race for a while after witnessing one, so they can’t be a part of his daily life. But if both sides just quietly disliked each other and stayed separate? He’d manage. Liking his family isn’t required, just preferred.

Another thing they’d have to be is physically attractive. Although he’d claim not to be, he’s a very superficial person. Everything is about presentation, whether it be the swanky outfits he wears, the spotless car he drives, or the dead crows that he hangs around the door of a certain church - it’s all. about. presentation. So if they aren’t physically beautiful, then they won’t be pursued in the first place. 

He appreciates a good sense of humour. He’s had a miserable life, and is still dealing with a lot of that misery to this day, so anyone who can make him laugh - or even just smile - earns a fondness from him. He’s not interested in childishness, though. His sense of humour is dark and wicked and very very adult, and anyone who’s idea of a joke is drawing a dick on the windshield of his car or throwing snowballs at him in the winter, is not someone he’s interested in having in his life. He firmly believes in the phrase “act your age, not your shoe size.”

He’s not interested in a family, so anyone who wants marriage and kids and a white picket fence isn’t going to get that from John. He like his career and his sports cars and his clean, fancy house, and most importantly; his freedom. Marriage = compromise. Kids = sacrifice. He’s not interested in either.

And that’s all I got for now. I might make a separate post if I think of anything else to add. Again, I’m sorry if this isn’t exactly what you wanted! Hopefully you liked it anyway!

[go-our-own-ways]

Rewatching Kinpri SSS to feel better in general...I had started already while eating dinner today and finished episode 1, and I just finished episode 4, haha. Honestly, for all the shit the comments may say about the series, it’s such a warm and heartfelt series that I can’t help but go back to it... 

It makes me smile so much, you know? And every time we get to see each character’s story, I felt so happy to get to know them a little bit better, and also felt moved by their various histories... I dunno, it’s just a nice feeling... 

Plus, the art and the music were so good...like...you could really feel the amount of love and care that went into making SSS into a reality...as if the entire staff was like, “Finally, we can have an anime!” and put all their heart and soul into it, you know? Watching something where you can see and feel that kind of love and sentiment...it’s a great feeling... 

An aside, but as I’m watching this, I’ve reaffirmed for myself that yes, I really wish we got a prism show for the opening song (Shiny Seven Stars), yes my favorite song is Taiga’s, and yes my favorite character is Kakeru (even if by a tiny margin because Taiga is a super close second). Taiga’s song being my favorite is mainly because 1) Hatanaka Tasuku’s singing is out of this world even without my bias coloring my opinion, and 2) The music genre/style is just more my jam compared to all the other songs. A close second is Orange Flamingo because 1) It’s catchy as FUCK, 2) The visual imagery is hilarious and I remember it every time I hear the song which therefore puts a smile on my face, and 3) My Kakeru (well, and also CV Yashiro Taku) bias is extremely strong. And then in third I’d say is probably Joji’s Joker Kiss because 1) The style/genre is more in line with what I tend to like, 2) I actually really liked Ace a lot so by extension I kinda have to like Joji, and 3) I really liked the scene when the song got performed and the plot development happened...so listening to the song is a nice reminder of that scene. But then after having seen the SSS Super Live, I like these songs Even More now because of recalling the seiyuu’s various performances, lmao. ESPECIALLY Taku’s live performance of Orange Flamingo oh my god lmfao HE ACTUALLY HAD A PINK FAN. AND THEY REALLY MADE IT RAIN KAKERU DOLLARS LIKE... YES THANK YOU LMFAO. 

Going back to characters, it’s really hard to hate any of the main seven, tbh, especially after watching the anime. For instance, I used to feel like 0.1 things about Minato, but the anime made me finally understand his history and motivations, and truly see him as an important character of the series. Yeah, he might have a mostly supporting role, and he might not be flashy, but that doesn’t make him any less important. Also, the whole ordeal about feeling responsible towards the family, and yet having your own goals and aspirations, but then also feeling like you’re not enough to get to where you want to be... WHAT A GODDAMN MOOOOOOOD... So yeah Minato wins most relatable character award for me, lol. And then there’s Leo, who I almost disliked because of the excessive girliness (a personal preference mind you; totally fine if that’s just how he wants to be). But then I saw his episode, and was practically in tears because of the personal revelations he goes through in the episode. Like YAS we stan this up and coming QUEEN who is COMFORTABLE in his own skin and does WHATEVER THE HELL he wants with his style and looks because he is Leo and he is himself! 

And on that note, really the representation of gender and romantic diversity is really, really awesome. It’s there, and it’s blatantly obvious, and it’s not put in a fetish-y light, which is absolutely fantastic. Plus, it’s hilarious but amazing how each installment feels increasingly more gay (in a good way) lmfa. I love it so much, and look forward to possibly seeing other relationships coming to fruition asides from Louis and Shin’s. (’: 

Ugh god I just love this series a lot... and all the voice actors who are in it... And then on top of that I already liked Taku and Tasuku a lot (Kakeru and Taiga’s VAs), and they seem to be pretty good friends behind the scenes, so I really enjoy seeing their various on stage/in front of the camera interactions... You can really feel how chummy they are with each other and I really appreciate that, given the characters that they play. And really all the voice actors seem to really get along with each other so well... seeing them all collectively (lovingly) bully Masashi is always great fun, plus seeing Masashi just straight up get real emotional and passionate about Kinpri every single dang time he’s on stage is hilarious and amazing. 

There’s so much I appreciate about this franchise that I’m not even sure if I’m really being articulate enough. I’m not a diehard fan like the folks who faithfully play the game every day, or the folks who translate the game stories and magazine interviews, and it’s not like I’m rewatching the movies and the anime all the time or listening to the music 24/7. I also don’t love it so much that I’d go and watch all of Rainbow Live for added context to the universe that Kinpri is set in. But I’d like to think that this franchise has touched my heart in a way that is undeniable...I’ve felt it and I’ve recognized it, and I hope that others can see that for me, but also feel it for themselves, too. 

[sableaire]

Thoughts on Netflix Death Note

So some of you read my partial reactions before I passed out from Nyquil, but I’ve been asked whether or not I recommend it as a whole. Personally, I’m not really sure. If you’re watching it as an adaptation, it’s more an exercise in frustration than anything else. If you’re watching it for a mediocre standalone laugh, it’s entertaining in its own right, especially in its latter half.

My main issue with this version of Death Note is that it can’t decide whether it wants to be different or similar. If they wanted to be different, I’m of the opinion that they should have committed to it, renamed characters, and make it more an exploration of the concept of the Death Note than an adaptation of the Japanese manga/anime. If they wanted to be the same, they should have kept key points, such as Light and Ryuk, the same. More under the cut:

Light Turner is not as charismatic or compelling as Light Yagami. He is supposed to represent… I dunno, the teen underdog or something? He lacks his original’s upstanding social facade, shield of popularity, etc. etc. and so whereas Light Yagami was someone who could pull you along on his power trip for a bit, just by virtue of starting as like… an intellectual power fantasy… you just kind of watch Light Turner going, “Kid, could you maybe not do that.���

Also, a smaller grievance of mine is just how bad a liar Light Turner is, dear god, I could have respected a good liar, but this kid crumbles under pressure like no other. Sure, it’s a realistic teenager, probably, but who read or watched Death Note for a realistic teenage boy?

Meanwhile, they take Ryuk and turn him into a malicious force, orchestrating events and actively involving himself in Light’s decisions from start to finish. He isn’t the same as his original counterpart, who dropped a book out of boredom and decided to see what a human does with it. There’s nothing endearing about this one. This one is just a horror prop, a stand-in for the devil offering a deal. Which is why using the appearance and name of Ryuk for this character was a bad idea, since the original one is so iconic already;;

The Death Note itself isn’t even something Light just stumbles upon - in this movie, the Death Note needs a human keeper, and if one keeper doesn’t use it for seven days, it gets moved on to someone else. So the entire premise is just altered ever so slightly, and that does it a disservice. It isn’t new enough for anyone to enjoy as a separate thing, but it isn’t the same enough to satisfy people who came as Death Note fans.

And then there is Mia Sutton, who is arguably a kind of antagonist in all this, who pushes Light Turner to greater and darker heights for… no real… understandable reason??? And their romance is just - as I put it before - unsightly and unpalatable. Part of what I personally enjoyed about Death Note was that Light Yagami had no time for romance except as a tactical ploy, but here, the romance is part of what spurs Light to use the Death Note???

Mia doesn’t get enough characterization to make her anything more than a flat edgy love interest, and also, she makes a terrible cheerleader and they put her in the center of the squad! She wasn’t even smiling! Terrible! Take cheer seriously, Mia, it’s something you have to work for, you’re dragging your teammates down!!

But honestly, my main problem boils down to how Netflix’s Death Note is no longer a story about how society can come to accept and even appreciate even the worst dictators if they seem benevolent, nor a story about Light Yagami’s god complex and eventual ruin. This film is about how Light Yagami got in over his head because a Death God kind of cornered him into it and also in part to try and impress a girl, and about how they tried to hold his head down under the water??

L says in the movie, “You’re the one who flew into the sun, Light. I’m just here to make sure you actually burn,” or something, and that’s true enough for the original manga/anime - but the problem is, in this film, it isn’t just Light that flew into the sun, it’s Ryuk and Mia who helped him soar into it, and when Light changes his mind, they don’t let him go, so it turns him into someone trapped by circumstance. 

Light is no longer the the villain in this overall story. He kind of ends up a victim, which isn’t really… good for the story. Death Note above everything was an exercise in strategy and playing to society, but this film had too many players and focused too much on interpersonal relationships to capture the original’s themes successfully.

I would say more about L, but like… he was okay, I guess?? Except the plot needed him to know some things so desperately that they didn’t give him any logical lines of deduction, so everything just seemed really forced, like he knew something just for narrative convenience. I didn’t mind the character himself as much as I did the others though. However, Light Turner being such an unworthy opponent just means that this version of L never got a chance to shine, so he’s just… unremarkable. 

Personally, I think they should have tackled this adaptation from an entirely different angle. For example, make it a decade since Kira in Japan - as it is in reality - and then have a human in America find a Death Note. It can either be Ryuk being bored again or a different shinigami who was fascinated by what happened, and upon receiving this Death Note, this American - who is not named Light - can either think, “I can be better than Kira” before falling into the exact same trap, or just be inspired by Kira and follow in his footsteps. Either way, it would avoid the trap this film got stuck in, being too similar and different at once, and it would be an interesting way to explore how a Death Note would be used in American culture without feeling like we’re twisting the original.

[hamilkilo]

Ardently

Prompt: ANONYMOUS: Request for hamilsquad x reader where one of them meets the reader at a coffee shop and kinda flirts with her asking her out and then tells her about the open relation ship a few weeks into there relationship and asked them if they would like to join them and the reader is really shy and has horrible social anxiety and is really worried about messing everything up (because this is aka me 24/7) Pairing: Mostly John Laurens X Reader, but also Poly!Hamilsquad X Reader TW: angst, drama, mild swearing, mentions of bigotry and intolerance, drama, self depreciating thoughts, social anxiety A/N: Hey guys! I’m really excited about this piece! I’m sorry for any typos; I pulled an all nighter to write this, so my brain is a bit fuzzy. I really hope y'all enjoy this! I did my best! If you want me to tag anything, please let me know! I want you to feel safe when reading my work! I love y'all so much!!!! Please enjoy! Word Count: 10755

You liked to live by your aesthetics. You went to used book stores downtown, took polaroids of old buildings, went out of your way to a quaint little coffee shop for the feel of it. After you had gone to the bookshop, it was a habit of yours to go to the coffee shop, buy a warm drink, and read your book at a table near the window. You usually made the trip on a rainy day, for the aesthetic. You used old Polaroids as bookmarks and you wrote comments or thoughts in the margins of your book with a pink pen. The light chatter of background noise was soothing as you reread one of the Jane Austen’s. It was your first copy, therefore the most beaten up. You had always been a romantic, probably for the aesthetic. Which came first? Did your aesthetics extend from your romanticism, or did the romanticism stem from your aesthetics? It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that you loved the idea of love. You were deeply engrossed in your book when you heard the sound of the chair across from you being pulled out. Someone sat down, but you buried your nose in the book. What would Elizabeth do? Would she accept Mr. Darcy’s love? Of course, you knew the answer, but you read the book each time like you had no idea. You just hoped that your guest would get the hint and leave you to read. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice that you’re reading Pride and Prejudice,” a smooth voice commented, and you glanced up at the boy. Your breath caught when you saw how cute he was with his curls and freckles. You almost shoved your nose into the spine of the book in nervousness. You knew you should probably say something, but you didn’t wanna mess it up. What if you accidentally offended him? “Um, Yeah?” You managed to squeak out, and the guy smiled. He leaned closer, as if to get a peak at your face, but you were quick to bring the book back up. You fiddled with one of your polaroids to calm yourself. “I think Mr. Darcy is a pompous prick that nowhere near deserves someone as well thought and versed as Elizabeth,” the boy stated bravely, and your switch flipped. You didn’t know how to talk to strangers about the weather, but you knew how to talk books, especially if you were defending one of your favorite romances.

“Excuse me, sir, but I’d have to disagree with you. Your judgement is clouded by main character infatuation. As readers, we have the bad habit to believe that the protagonist is the hero, a do-gooder. Elizabeth wasn’t! She was harshly judgmental of her own family and quick to damn everyone else. While she wasn’t as upfront about it as Miss Bingley, she wasn’t exactly discreet about it. You’d have to be brick stupid not to see how she and Mr. Darcy are horridly wonderful for each other. They’re both horrible, judgmental people with ridiculous prejudices and even worse pride. They were made for each other!” You narrowed your eyes at him while he stared at you. Your cheeks were bright red from your outburst, your heart hammering. You could not believe you just did that. He just shared his opinion! You didn’t have to go ahead and give him an essay! This wasn’t literature and composition! You bit your lip and slowly brought your book back up, but his hand caught the top of it. You glanced down at his hand, then back up at him. “Dare I say, but you sound like Elizabeth. Passing judgment on them would make you just the same as her, right?” He asked softly, and you scoffed. “It’s human to judge, just like its human to be ugly and horrible to each other,” you dismissed, tugging on your book to no avail. “That’s a rather dreary outlook on life. Surely not everyone is as bad? You don’t seem ugly,” he smiled at you at his last comment, and you felt your face heat. “I haven’t met anyone capable of proving me different,” you countered, and he smirked. “Darlin’,” he drawled, and you melted. “You’ve been meeting the wrong people.” You laughed out loud, “And who would you call right people?” “I dunno,” he glanced around the coffee shop, then back at you. “I know a few.” “Uh huh,” you sassed, giving up on the book and placing a Polaroid in your spot. You closed the book, almost on his hand, and he grinned at you. “There’s the little bookworm, coming out to greet the world,” he teased in a weird voice, and you crinkled your nose. “No, I can’t read when your enormous hand is covering the page and weighing down my book,” you replied with a faux annoyance. “Why read about adventures when you can live them?” The boy asked as he reclined back in his seat and gazed at you. You tugged on the end of your scarf anxiously. “Books are better than people,” you stated simply, and he shrugged. “You’ve picked up the right books and wrong people,” he restated his previous claim, and you rolled your eyes. “Well, you go out there and find the right people, write a book about it, send it to the coffee shop, and I’ll read it,” you tried to sound frigid, but the boy saw right through that. He was determined. “I think you’re afraid,” he accused casually, and you went straight into RBF. “Afraid?” Your voice was monotone. “Yeah, I think you’re afraid of the adventure out there. You’re afraid of the Miss Bingleys, Janes, and Mr. Darcys. You’re afraid to get your heart broken. You’re afraid to love and be loved,” he took a breath like was about to go on, but you interrupted. “Who do you think you are? Dr. Phil? Oprah? You don’t even know me! Don’t go psychoanalyzing me!” You were only defensive because you knew he was right. Only you weren’t afraid, you were petrified. You liked books because the dialog was there. With books, you didn’t risk saying something wrong. You didn’t risk messing anything up. Books were safe. “It’s alright, sugar. It was just a hunch. I’m sorry I got you worked up,” he reached out and patted your hand soothingly, and your breath caught. He was so cute. He was talking to you. And you yelled at him. Oh boy. How had he not flipped yet? Somehow, you still couldn’t stop yourself, “You’re worse than Mr. Darcy.” The boy paused, then began to laugh. He chortled like there was no tomorrow. It got to the point where he was downright cackling. “That may be true,” he stared once he had sobered up, “But I think you’d make a wonderful Elizabeth, and I mean that as a compliment.” Your cheeks tinged, and you reached for your book, but you bumped his hand instead, and he carefully entwined his fingers around yours. “If you want,” he murmured as he traced his thumb across your knuckles, “I could introduce you to the people I was talking about.” You bit your lip, unsure. He was nice, but he know how to get a bustle in your hedgerow. You glanced at him and remembered what he had said about fear, then you found yourself nodding. “Great! Let me get your number, and I’ll set it up!” He beamed at you, and you bit your lip. You could have just put your number into his phone, but you lived for your aesthetics, and you wrote your number on the back of a black and white Polaroid of you against a brick wall before you gave it to him. With another shy smile tossed over your shoulder at him, you hurried from the shop. Hopefully, he’d lose your number. You’d embarrassed yourself enough for a lifetime.

Sadly, he did not lose your number. A few hours later, he had texted you. “Hey, Elizabeth,” was his cheeky greeting, but despite your heated embarrassment, you found yourself grinning. You felt like a school girl. You saved his contact in your phone as Mr. Darcy, nailing down the pompous prick part of his personality. “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier,” you began to type, but you bit your lip and reconsidered. Then, you deleted it all and typed up a different message. “Hey.” Short and simple, was it too short? You grimaced as you hit send. You were such an idiot. You wished you were half as quick witted and good with words as Elizabeth. Your phone buzzed, and you found yourself grinning when you saw it was from Mr. Darcy. “So no one is available to actually hang out until about a month from today. For some reason, Eliza likes to plan things week in advance, which also ties up her girlfriend, Maria. I figured you’d like them most. They remind me of Jane.” You rolled your eyes. If only your high school English teacher could see you now. You were doing text to world connections. She’d be so proud. Somewhat relieved that you didn’t have to meet anyone any time soon, you feigned disappointment in your text, trying not to be rude. “That sucks! I was so looking forward to meeting the right people.” Right people. Jeez, this guy was way more arrogant than Mr. Darcy could even aspire to be. But he was also wayyy cuter than any of the Mr. Darcy’s you’d ever seen in the movies. “If you want, we can hang out next Friday night. I can take you to a club my friend works at!” When you read that message, you frowned. Dang. You faked your disappointment too well. You could always fake being sick, but you didn’t want to be rude, especially since he was making so much effort to be nice. “Okay,” you replied, keeping it short. You had found that the shorter the replies, the littler room for error. He didn’t respond right away. You weren’t sure how long had passed, only that you had read another thirty pages into your book when your phone buzzed. “So when you aren’t playing English teacher with some stranger at a cafe, what are you doing?” You felt embarrassment course through you. You were so lame. He was right. Ugh, you wished the ground would swallow you up. You had probably just single handedly destroyed any chance you had with another hot guy by being a huge nerd. You knew you had to reply though. “Drugs.” Before you could stop yourself, you hit send. You turned your phone off right after, trying to stop the message from sending, to no avail. You buried your head in your hands. Cheese and rice, you were so lame! And weird! He probably thinks you’re some crazy coke whore! “Just kidding!” You quickly typed. “I’m usually reading, writing, listening to music… How about you?” Jeez, is that all you did? You really needed to get out more. His response was quick. “Drugs!” Was he teasing you? Was he making fun of how stupid you were? Maybe you should change your phone number and move to Chicago or something? Maybe Antarctica? Yeah, that sounds good. Talk to the penguins, cry, live in an igloo. That’s a good plan. “You’re cute! Actually, I’m usually hanging around my boys. It’s almost a full house here, and we’re always getting into stuff. I’ll have to introduce you to them at some point.” You quickly caught onto his personal life, and you directed the spotlight onto him. “Tell me about your boys. Are they right people?” You bit your lip as you waited, your book forgotten to the side. “Okay. There’s three of them, and we all live together. There’s Alex, who I met first. He’s always been my best friend. He’d like you a lot. He loves to argue. He’s a writer, and he always has an opinion on something. Then there’s the frenchiest fry, Marquis de Lafayette, but we all call him Laf. He’s a French foreign exchange student that just kept coming back. He’s actually on his residency here! He’s probably the best out of all of us. He has such a pure heart, always giving. Last, but definitely not least, is Herc. He actually owns a little boutique uptown. I’ll take you by there sometime, you’ll love it. He’s probably kept me out of jail a few times, tbh. All those drugs, yo.” You found yourself laughing as you read through his long text. It was odd; when he talked about his boys, he seemed so much more like a Jane than a Mr. Darcy. He was actually kinda sweet, and funny, and he made you smile. Look at you, a blushing school girl all over again. You spent the night texting him, smiling and blushing as he talked to you about all of his right people and you stuttering through your texts, typing and deleting, editing, reconsidering. But no matter what you said, he always had something funny and sweet to counter it with. You never scared him off, even though you felt like you had given him several reasons to run for the hills.

“Hey, Y/N, deep breaths, you’ve got this!” “No! I don’t! He’s so cute, and I’m such a nerd! I totally geeked in front of him! Ugh, I don’t even know his name! Why did I agree to this?!” You were pacing around your room, the phone pressed to your ear. You were supposed to meet your Mr. Darcy at the bar his friend owned in less than half an hour, but instead, you were freaking out. “You’re the cute kind of nerd! Don’t worry, it sounds like he likes you! And by the things you’ve been telling me, he sounds like he’s a huge nerd too! And besides, names are overrated! He’s going to love you. Just be yourself and give him the ol’ razzle dazzle!” “You just say that because you’re my mom,” you sighed, sitting on your bed and covering your face with your hand. “Honey, don’t worry about it, okay? Just go out and have fun! Be safe and call me when you get home! I want all the details! Now get off the phone and go live one of your books!” You tried to protest her, but she wouldn’t hear it. As soon as she hung up, your stomach twisted. You had put on one of your favorite dresses, your hair was up, your makeup was done, and you looked killer, so why did you feel so scared? You stood and smoothed your dress before taking a deep breath and leaving to meet him. You stuttered your way through a cab ride, fidgeting with the hem of your dress the entire time. When you actually made it to the club, your stomach dropped at how long the line was. There was no way you’d get in. This was a mistake. You turned to crawl back into the cab when you heard someone yelling. “Elizabeth! Wait, Miss Elizabeth!” You turned around, confused, then you realized it was Mr. Darcy. He was running towards you, trying to stop you from leaving so soon. You frowned; it was too late for you to pretend you hadn’t seen him and go on your merry way. He knew you saw him. You turned around slowly and gave him your most convincing smile. “Mr. Darcy,” you countered as he came to a stop in front of you. He grinned, somewhat out of breath. He looked rather cute with his curls pulled back smoothly, his blue sports coat, all the way down to his snazzy dress shoes. What a pompous, well dressed prick that made your heart flutter. Where were your books when you needed to hide? “You look beautiful,” he breathed, and you realized you’d been staring. Jeez, his freckles were wonderful. It was like your own galaxy to stare at. “Thanks, you do too,” you replied, half listening as you took him in. There was just so much to appreciate. It was only when you heard him giggle that you noticed your mistake. Was it even really a mistake? Beautiful. Huh. Guys were actually very beautiful, this one in particular held your fancy. “Thank you! I wish I got that compliment more often!” His smile was so enticing. You scolded yourself for being so easily distracted tonight. He held his elbow out to you. “Shall we?” You took his elbow with a shy smile, and you hesitantly followed him into the bar. He nodded at the bouncer, then carefully made his way towards the stairs at the back. “I’m taking you up to the higher level; it’s more private up there. We’ll be able to talk more. Maybe you can give me more opinions on Jane Austen,” he teased you as your heels clicked on the metal stairs. When you heard his words, you blushed and were so distracted that your heel slipped. He caught you quickly to prevent you from falling down in a fairly embarrassing manor. His hand was warm on your waist as he stabilized you, and suddenly, the air felt way too thick. “Whoa, careful there. Save the falling for when there’s a bed behind you, eh?” You scoffed and quickly pulled away, not because you were repulsed by the idea of being in bed with him, but because you weren’t repulsed by it. He laughed lightly as you took his elbow again and quickly continued up the stairs. When you got to the top, there was a door that he knocked on, and in what felt like seconds, it was opened to reveal a goddess. Cheese and rice, if you didn’t go to bed with Mr. Darcy, you might go with her. She was tall and sleek, her perfectly sculpted cheekbones and wonderfully dark skin made her look like a goddess. Her curly hair was loose around her shoulders, and her pink dress only made her look even better. Of course this guy was friends with her. Then your reader’s brain clicked. Was she his girlfriend? Was she his right person? What if it was all in your head, and you didn’t even have a chance with him to begin with? Cheese and rice, you felt ridiculous and naive. Who did you think you were? Some special little book worm that got to live their trashy fanfic dream? Wake up, y/n. This was real life. You didn’t get the dream boy or the perfect heroine. You got embarrassment for being such an optimistic idiot. “Y/N, this is my friend, Angelica. She owns the bar. She’s one of those right people I was telling you about,” Mr. Darcy explained as he led you into the room. It was better lit than the rest of the bar, the music wasn’t as obnoxious, and the seating looked way more comfortable. There was a wet bar in the corner with a few different snack bowls laid out. “Oh, is this the Elizabeth you would not shut up about?” Angelica teased as she went over to the bar and poured herself a vodka tonic. You blushed. So Mr. Darcy had talked about you? To her? An actual goddess? What did that mean? “Don’t embarrass me, Angelica!” He playfully scolded her as he sat down on the couch. You bit your lip before sitting down beside him with an ocean of space between you two. “You do that well enough on your own, Johnny,” she countered with a smirk before she threw back a shot. So his name was Johnny? John? Johnathan? Good ol’ Jimmy Jam? Why wouldn’t your brain just shut up and let you focus for two seconds tonight? “And what’ll you have, Miss Elizabeth?” She put air quotes around the name, and you smiled. Uhhh, you never really went out, especially not to a bar. The wildest place you usually went on a Friday night was to Walmart around 11 when you were craving ice cream. To be fair, Walmart past 10 pm was reasonably sketchy. You made a knee jerk reaction. You figured it was best to establish dominance. Maybe, if you intimidated them, they wouldn’t come after you. “Vodka, straight shot.” You could channel your wild college days of crying, shoveling ice cream, and swigging vodka out of the bottle with your room mates instead of working on your ten page paper due the next day while watching the Notebook. Angelica raised her eyebrows, but she didn’t question you. She just poured you a shot, poured Good Ol’ Jimmy Jam a glass of whiskey, and brought you both the drinks. As soon as your shot was in hand, you threw it back. It burned like you had just made out with an angry, firebreathing dragon. Cheese and rice, how did this not kill you in college? Were you dying right now? No matter how bad it felt, you didn’t cough. You held it together. Establish the dominance. Mr. Darcy chuckled in wonderment. “Wow, John. She might be able to hang with you and the boys shot for shot if y'all ever go out together,” Angelica mused. So his name was John. You glanced at him. That seemed fitting. He looked like a John. “I know! I was just thinking the same thing! You might even be able to keep up with Herc. Once he gets going, that guy is a machine!” John swirled his whiskey while he stared at your face. “Herc’s the one with the shop uptown, right?” You asked as you tried to remember which boy he was talking about. “Yeah! I think I’ll take you there next time!” He gushed, and he went on to say something else, but you weren’t paying attention. Did he say next time? Was he already planning on taking you out again? Why? You were probably the lamest person you’ve known. At some point, Angelica poured you another shot, and you threw it back. They had been talking about Herc’s shop uptown, a lot of stuff you didn’t get because you didn’t understand the background. “Wait, Wait, so if you’re here with John, then he probably never told you about the Taco Bell incident?” Angelica suddenly changed the topic, roping you back in. She was a really good hostess… to your dismay. “Don’t tell her about the Taco Bell incident!” John quickly protested, almost choking on his whiskey since he was in the middle of taking a swig when she brought it up. “She needs to know! Everyone needs to know-” “Angelica! Don’t! You swore you’d never tell anyone-” “Yeah, but that was before you introduced me to a girl! It’s a great party story! And besides,” she leaned close to you. She had seated herself in the arm chair adjacent to John. “It’s revenge for him talking smack about Pride and Prejudice.” You snickered at her comment, those shots of vodka already hitting you. “Angie, please,” he gave her the cutest look, and you felt your heart melt. Angelica looked unphased. “Those eyes might work on Alex, but you’ll have to work a whole lot harder than that to deter me. So anyways,” you found yourself leaning closer, eager to hear the story, while John slumped in defeat. “It was our senior year of high school and we were both in marching band. It was our last performance at our last competition, so it was kind of a big deal. Earlier that day, we stopped for lunch, and we had four separate options: Panera, McDonalds, Steak N Shake, or Taco Bell. I, like anyone with taste buds and half a brain, chose Panera, while John and Alexander chose Taco Bell. Now, I’ve known John for years, and he’s always been that kid. You know, the one that thinks it’d be a good idea to throw a hammer at a hornet’s nest, jump out of the tree house instead of taking the ladder, stuff like that. So this kid, being the genius he is, and with the encouragement from Alex, ate fifteen dollars worth of Taco Bell. So fast forward to later, our first performance is fine. We have dinner provided by the band moms; we laugh; we cry; it’s great. We’re all getting into uniform for finals, and we’re marching off to warm up, when Alex comes up to me asking if I’d seen John, and I’m like, no? He’s not even in my section! I’m a flute player! He’s a tuba! He’s not even in my jurisdiction! But Alex is worried sick, so I go off, and after half the band searching for him we find him, crying in a portapotty-” “I wasn’t crying. I was just, uh, the smell, it was making me tear up-” ��Oh shut up, you were crying. We could hear your gross crying noises. Anyways, needless to say, he had to miss his last performance all because he thought $15 of Taco Bell was worth it.” Angelica was laughing towards the end, and you found yourself chuckling with her. John had his lips pressed into a thin line while you both ended up in hysterics. “Mr. Adams,” she panted through her laughter, “was so disappointed! He actually refuses to stop by Taco Bell on band trips anymore!” You roared with laughter again. “Yeah, haha, laugh it up,” John pouted, “I have stories on you, too, Angie-” He stopped talking when Angelica shot him a look. “Try it, Portapotty, I dare you!” You laughed so hard that your sides hurt.

You and Angelica were quick to become friends, and you quickly figured out that she wasn’t seeing John. You ended up actually texting her more than you had texted John, usually just nonsense and inside jokes. Yeah, you had inside jokes with her now. It had only been a few weeks, but you were already close friends. You had spent most of the night upstairs with Angelica and John, listening to funny stories and laughing until you almost passed out. It was the most fun you’d had in a long time. It was around two in the morning when Angelica had her driver take you home. John had offered to walk you home, but Angelica insisted. Angelica struck you as the mom friend. She was always there looking out for you. She went the extra distance to ensure your safety. At first, you’d thought of her as a Miss Darcy, or maybe a Jane, but neither of those did her justice. You eventually decided she was more like an Athena. As much as you hated to admit it, most books didn’t have female characters strong enough to do her justice, especially not your beloved classic novels. It was a quiet Friday night. You had been texting Angelica that day, and you had discussed your plans for that night. She was running her bar, and she invited you out, but you politely declined. You had recently bought a new book you were just dying to read. She understood. It was things like that that made it so easy to talk to her. Maybe John was right. Maybe she was right people. You missed John and her, but both of them had been busy the past few weeks, and when they weren’t, you were. It was around seven that night, and the sun had just set. You were curled up in your armchair, halfway through Pride and Prejudice instead of the book you had planned to start reading. You had been obsessed with that book more so than lately. Perhaps it had something to do with the curly haired boy that kept wandering his way back into your thoughts. You were in a pair of leggings and an old college hoodie, positively comfy. You had your blankets and your mug of tea, which was almost empty. You had it made. Suddenly, there was a knock at your door. You were confused. Was your mom visiting today? No, she was visiting on Sunday. Maybe your neighbor accidentally got some of your mail? You stuck a Polaroid in the spine of your book and went to the door. It was probably Miss Higgins, looking for her cat again. You opened the door, expecting to see the sweet little old lady and half distracted by the door mat you accidentally messed up when you opened the door. “I’m sorry, Miss Higgins, I haven’t seen Tippy today, but I’ll let you know if I do,” you answered routinely as you nudged the carpet with your socked foot. A soft laugh from whoever was in front of you alerted you that it was not your little, old neighbor lady unless she just hit puberty and her voice dropped several octaves. “Who’s Tippy? Should I be worried?” John joked with a cheeky smile. You felt yourself break out in a grin at the sight of him. He was dressed down today in a pair of jeans, a striped sweater, and a pea coat. He had a scarf hanging loosely from his neck and your inner romantic swooned at the idea of grabbing him by that scarf and yanking him in for a kiss. “Um,” you began, shaking your thoughts away as you held the door open for him. You didn’t give him your address, but logic told you that Angelica probably did. Her driver had taken you home, after all. “My neighbor is constantly losing track of her cat, Tippy.” He came into your house, pausing by you to give you a gentle peck on the cheek, and if your head wasn’t so lost in the clouds, you probably would’ve fainted. You shut the door, hiding the blush creeping it’s way down your neck. You quickly tucked a strand of hair behind your ear as he took in your apartment. John was such a Mr. Darcy that he probably had a snobbish home somewhere instead of a small apartment in the shady part of town. Luckily, you had befriended the rookie police officer, Tommy, across the hall. If he didn’t give you such reassurance in safety, you would’ve already complained to him about the noise level coming from his apartment. You got it. He had two boyfriends that knew his name, that didn’t mean they had to scream it every night when you were trying to sleep. “Did I interrupt something?” He glanced over at your extended recliner, mug of tea, scattered polaroids, and tattered book. You bit your lip. “Yeah, but it’s no big deal. It’s not like I haven’t read it before,” you shrugged it off, shifting nervously. “What brings you by?” John turned to you, running a hand over his hair with a small smile. “Well, Angie said you weren’t busy tonight, and I figured I’d surprise you. I figured I could show you around Herc’s shop, maybe go for dinner if you want?” You felt your cheeks tinge with color again as your lips stretched into another delighted smile. Damn, this boy made you smile almost as much as your books did. “Hmm, I dunno,” you teased, pretending to ponder. “I mean, I’ve been looking forward to reading my book all week… besides, isn’t dinner a little too direct for Mr. Darcy? I was actually expecting a proclamation of love before, and then a heated, fairly insulting letter meant as an apology. You wouldn’t happen to have that planned before dinner, would you? Because I need to know whether to pack a snack and some popcorn or not.” As soon as he realized you were teasing him, he broke out into a grin. “You had me worried there for a sec! I thought you were blowing me off for a book you’ve read a thousand times!” “Excuse me, sir,” you looked at him as if he had just fatally insulted you, “that’s one thousand and one times. Get your facts straight!” He laughed again, and you were suddenly aware of how close he was standing to you. Was this customary for guy friends? You weren’t really sure. You had been too caught up in your books to ever pay any attention. It was something about the way he looked at you and seemed to laugh so genuinely that distracted you from your fear of messing up, but it was also the way he looked at you that made you stutter your words all the time. “So, Herc’s? Sounds fun. Lemme just go get changed,” you stated quickly. You needed space. You were getting lost in your head with him standing that close. You quickly retreated to your bedroom, throwing clothes around in search of the right outfit. You were deep in your closet, your mind tangled in thoughts and panic as you thumped around. None of it was right. No no no. Then you grabbed a pair of jeans with rips in the knees and you tossed them on your bed. Your hands found your favorite sweater that you threw with the jeans. Your fingers laced around a cute scarf that matched, and you were set. You didn’t have time to second guess as you stripped and began to dress. You were standing in your underwear, cursing as you stumbled around the room trying to fit into your jeans, when the sore opened and John came in. “Hey, someone’s at the door and-” he stopped talking when you both made eye contact, and you froze-which was a poor move on your part when you toppled over. John moved towards you to help you up, then moved back when he remembered the predicament. “I knocked! I swear, I knocked. I am so sorry, I didn’t mean-” “John?” You interrupted as you stared up at him from the floor. His eyes were darting around the room, falling on anything but you. “Yeah?” his voice cracked nervously. “I’m still half dressed. Would you mind…?” You didn’t know how to phrase it, but he got the hint. He continued his stream of apologies as he quickly retreated and closed the door. Then you started to laugh. It was quiet at first, but then it developed into full body quakes that left you breathless. You couldn’t stop laughing. The cute boy you had a crush on that probably thought you were nuts just walked in on you half naked! At some point, your hysterical laughter turned into ugly crying when you realized that your life was a disaster. You only ever managed to embarrass yourself. John probably already left! He probably thinks you’re psychotic, and he wants nothing to do with you! You got dressed, hopeless thoughts swirling in your mind, then you finally left your room. Surprisingly, John was still there. He was flipping through your polaroids, trying extra hard not to look at you. “It was Miss Higgins,” he explained after clearing his throat a few times. “She was looking for Tippy. I told her you hadn’t seen her cat.” You nodded, heading to the door. When you turned around, you caught John staring at you, and you both blushed. “So, Herc’s?” You trailed off, and he nodded eagerly. He followed you out of your apartment and you locked the door behind you. You walked to the elevator in silence. Once in the lift, you kept the three foot friendship distance between you two, still not saying a word. It was only when the elevator stopped at the third floor and one of your creepier neighbors got on that you moved closer to John. “Hey, baby,” the guy said, and you rolled your eyes. Flippin’ Ralph. He was the scumbag that cat called you from the wall outside while he smoked through four packs. He smelled like piss and an ash tray. “Maybe later tonight, you can tell me your name so I can scream it for ya. Would you like that?” He reached out to grab you, but John was quick to wrap an arm around you. With Him by your side, you felt empowered enough to stand up for yourself. “Gee, Ralph. I knew rats in this city got big, but I didn’t know they came this big,” you gave him the disgusted once over all of the girls perfected in high school. “Honestly, the idea of even touching. You makes me wanna Ralph. Besides, with the number of packs you smoke these days, I’d be surprised if you could even get your voice above an embarrassing rasp. Besides, why would I settle for you when I’ve got a boyfriend that makes me scream instead?” Ralph had never heard you speak up before, so it was a fair reaction when he was so shocked that the cigarette fell from his mouth. You felt John shaking with quiet laughter behind you, and you stood tall. “You know what? You’re a disgusting little tramp-” there was the reaction you were waiting for. You shrank into John, waiting for the verbal onslaught, but John was ever the valiant Mr. Darcy. “You’d better watch what you say next or you’re gonna have trouble speaking with no tongue and no teeth, my friend,” John growled out as he shoved you behind him. The elevator dinged, and you all but threw a party. You cursed the cheap apartment and it’s decrepit elevators. Your grandma could navigate those stairs faster than that lift, and she’s dead. Before John could deck Ralph, you pulled him off the elevator with you and quickly out of the building. It was only when you were down the street and your breathing had calmed that things had caught up to you. Number one, you called John your boyfriend… and he totally went with it. Number two, you insinuated that you and John had really good sex… and he also totally went with it. Number three, you might need to start carrying a gun to protect yourself from Ralph. Number four, John totally stood up for you! Wow, that was actually really hot. Number five, you were still holding hands from when you dragged him off the elevator. When you looked up, you noticed he was looking down at you. “Hey, you okay?” You gave him a small smile and nodded. “I’m sorry back there. I shouldn’t have dragged you into it, and I’m sorry about the comment about our wild sex-” John cut you off by bringing your hand up to his lips and kissing your knuckles. “Hey,” he murmured, his lips tickling the skin before he slowly brought your hand down from his lips, “don’t worry about it. Any guy would be lucky to be called your boyfriend.” You felt your heart thrumming in your chest, and you were suddenly hyper aware of everything your body was doing. Was he into you? “Well, I…” your words failed. You didn’t know what to say about the entire ordeal, so you didn’t. Instead, you said, “Which way to Herc’s?” John’s lips twitched to a frown, but it was quick, and you didn’t ponder it. He didn’t drop your hand as he led you down the street. It was about ten minutes into the walk when you started shivering. You were so embarrassed by what happened in your apartment that you forgot your coat. John put his arm around you at first, holding you near him as you walked, but your teeth still chattered. He then tugged off his pea coat and quick to swaddle you with it. You protested, but he was quick to shush you. Your heart stuttered when he put his arm back around you for the rest of the walk. About thirty minutes after you left the lift, you found yourself outside of Herc’s Four Sets of Corsets and More. John opened the door for you and ushered you in. He took the coat off your shoulders and draped it on the mannequin as if he’d been here a thousand times before, which he probably had. “Herc!” He called, causally throwing his arm around you again and wandering around the shop. You heard footsteps on the staircase behind the counter and turned to find a tall, dark drink of damn son come down the stairs. Did John only know hot people? What did that make you? “Hey, babe! Who’s this lovely, little lady with you?” Herc asked as he came around and leaned against the counter, waiting for an introduction. You were confused by his pet name for John. Since when did bros start calling each other babe? Whatever, you were on board for it. “This here, is the Elizabeth from the coffee shop,” John explained. How many people had he told about you? And how many people only knew you as “The Elizabeth”? You decided to take a leap of faith, “Hi,” you said shyly as you extended your hand, “most people actually call me Y/N.” Herc shook your hand, but you felt John’s eyes on you. That’s when you realized you had never told him your actual name. You blushed in embarrassment. You’d been talking to this guy for at least a month now, and you hadn’t even bothered to properly introduce yourself! Your mama raised you better than that! “Well, I’ve heard a lot about you!” Herc beamed, and you returned the smile. “I’ve heard a lot about you, too!” You replied, and Herc’s face lit up. “I’m so glad John told you about us! You two must be really close now for him to mention us!” Herc wiggles his eye brows. Although you were confused, you dismissed it. Their friendship must be really tight. They did live together, after all. You carried on with light banter, and Herc gave John an occasional jab or two. You had fun, and eventually, you had Herc’s number written on a scrap of loose cloth he had tied around your wrist. Apparently, he too had an appreciation for aesthetic. Herc showed you around the shop. You noticed a mannequin without arms and complimented his Greek architectural taste, but he laughed and said it was an accident. Apparently, it was a “long story.” You ended up picking up a few items, and you were excited to purchase them, but John footed the bill. You argued, but one shared look between Herc and John ended any discussion. Herc handed you the bag, and you thanked him again. John wound his arm around you again, and you both said farewell to Herc before you left the shop, you wearing John’s pea coat again. “So, where do you wanna go for dinner?” John asked as you both moseyed down the street. You shrugged, “I dunno, I’m kinda in the mood for Italian.” John grinned down at you, and again, you were hyper aware of how close he was to you. “I know just the place.” John took you to a quaint, little place downtown called Belladona, and you were quickly seated at a table in the back. John was ever the southern gentleman, pulling your chair out for you, draping the jacket over the back of it. He was sweeter than any guy you’d ever met. You knew if you voiced that, he’d just say you were meeting the wrong guys. “So what do you recommend, Mr. Darcy?” You perched an eyebrow at him as you unfolded your menu. “Hmm,” he looked at you and thought for a minute, “you strike me more as a ravioli type…” You rolled your eyes at him with a smile, “You only know that because you saw the cans of Chef Boyardee’s ravioli sitting out on my counter from my recent grocery store trip.” He chortled, “What can I say? I’m an observant guy!” “I’m torn, now I want ravioli, but I also really want spaghetti,” you pouted at him, and he laughed. “Tell ya what, you get the ravioli, I’ll get the spaghetti, and we’ll share,” he offered, and you eagerly nodded. This guy was the gift that kept on giving. “I knew I kept you around for something,” you poked him on the nose, then you spent the proceeding twenty minutes regretting that action. He laughed in response, “What? The free food?” “Hey, you paid for the clothes, the least I can do is buy dinner,” you responded, moderately offended that he’d think you’d expect him to pay for everything. “Please, I brought you out. Let me treat you,” his smile was so kind; it drew you in. “We’ll see,” was your answer before you let your resolve dissolve. He smiled at you and your stubbornness. Maybe you were wrong before. Maybe he isn’t Mr. Darcy. You couldn’t imagine Mr. Darcy being this kind. Of course, you’d never admit that to him. “So, Y/N,” he tested the sound of your name on his tongue, and it caused your heart to falter. “What do you know of polyamorous relationships?” You were taken aback. He brought you all the way out here, to a nice restaurant, to ask you your opinion on that? “Well, I know what it is. I’m sorry, are you asking my knowledge or my opinion?” He bit his lip, then he ran a hand over his hair and toyed with his curls. “Uh, opinion?” You shrugged, “Well, I know a few people in one, and they seem to make it work really well. The only problem is that the sex is louder with more people and it keeps me up at night… I mean, I’ve never been in one, but I think I’d be open to it with the right people. It’s always been intriguing to me, but I guess I’ve never been in the position to be in one before.” You paused. “Why do you ask?” He glanced around the room nervously, then tugged at his curls once more. “Well, I… Um… Alexander would be so much better at this,” he muttered. “I mentioned earlier that I live with my boys.” He gave you a hard look, clearly trying to communicate to you. You nodded slowly, waiting for him to go on. He swallowed. “My boys,” he repeated, a bit more enunciated this time. You stared at him blankly. A few seconds of awkward silence lapsed where he waited for you to have a lightbulb moment, and you waited for further explanation. Then it clicked. “Ohhh… your boys,” you breathed, almost to yourself. You had to work quick to mask your hurt and disappointment. For some reason, you really thought you had a chance. Obviously not if he had three boyfriends. You bit your lip hard as you stared down at the table. Way to go, Y/N. You messed it up. Again. You felt your stomach churn with embarrassment and shame. No one would want you. Of course not. You were way to much of a nerd. Jeez, you were such an idiot to think someone like that would ever go for a stuttering moron like you. This is why you kept to yourself. Books wouldn’t do this to you. They wouldn’t change like this. They wouldn’t let you down like this. You just wanted to go home and read. Well, read and cry. And maybe yell a little bit. “I…. I gotta go… I think I left the stove on…” you managed to stutter through the lump in your threat. You felt foolish. Were you really going to cry over a boy you didn’t even have a chance with? “Why? Did I do something wrong?” John’s eyes searched your face, but you ducked your chin to hide. You’d kill a man for a book right now. “I’m sorry,” you whispered as you stood up and turned to leave. He stood abruptly and grabbed your wrist to stop you. “It’s me, isn’t it?” He sounded hurt, too. You couldn’t focus on that. If you looked up and met his eyes, you’d start crying in public, and you couldn’t handle that right now. “Don’t touch me!” You snapped as you tore your arm from his grasp. You turned and dashed from the restaurant as tears spilled down your cheeks. You were right. Books are better than people.

As soon as you made it back to your appartement, you put on the kettle and called your mom. It was about ten o'clock, but you figured she’d still be up. She answered on the fourth ring. “Hello?” “Momma?” Your voice broke. Hearing her broke the dam, and you began to sob. “Oh, pumpkin, what happened?” Her voice was soft, and you could practically feel her wrapping her arms around you. “I’m such an… an idiot!” You sobbed, slumping down against the wall. “No, baby, you aren’t an idiot…” “Yes, I am! I was naive to think that a guy like him would ever want me. I’m such a loser, Mom!” You wiped your tears on your sleeve, but they were quickly replaced by more. “Hold on, honey, I’m on my way over. What kind of ice cream do you want?” You cried even harder. You loved your mom so much. She was always there when you needed her. You told her your favorite ice cream, and she said she’d be over as soon as possible. She hung up, but you didn’t move from the floor. You continued crying. You didn’t feel like moving. Why bother? You just wanted to lie there. At some point, the kettle went off, and you managed to pick yourself up, change into your pajamas, and go to the kitchen. Your tea was ready, but you ignored it. Instead, you went straight for the liquor. You needed something hard. You started throwing back shots. You felt like you were back in your college days. When your mom first showed up, she tried to get you to stop drinking, but quickly realized her efforts were futile. She let you drink while also making you drink plenty of water. You both are ice cream while you cried. She wrapped you in a blanket and vented with you about the stupid boy. She said he led you on, but you disagreed. You’d just read too far into it. The rest of the night blurred away when you started taking straight swigs out of the bottle.

A week had passed. Then two. Angelica and Herc had sent you texts, but after a week of you not replying, they decided to give you some space. You’d deleted John’s number from your phone. You were right about him being Mr. Darcy. He was a pompous, arrogant prick and you were the foolish Mr. Bingley. You were just some optimistic idiot blinded by emotion. You went to work. Came home. Read until your vision doubled. Passed out. Repeated. You were back to your old ways. The first week that had passed had a dreary Saturday. Before John, you would have gone to your bookshop, then the cafe. But now, you couldn’t risk seeing his face; you couldn’t do it. You stayed inside, read your books, listened to music, and watched romantic movies that made you cry. It was on a Thursday the second week that there came a knock at the door. You shuffled over and answered it to reveal Ms. Higgins. “Mornin’, dearie,” she said hoarsely. She held the elusive Tippy under her arm and an envelope in her free hand. “I got your mail again.” You forced a smile and took the small stack of junk mail from her. “Thank you.” “Are you doing alright, sugar? You look awful tired,” she seemed to lean closer to look at your face, and you looked down, ashamed. Now you had your elderly neighbor worried about you. Way to go. “Yeah, just been busy lately,” you lied. It’d be true if you counted crying as an activity. “Ahh, a broken heart makes for a busy soul,” she replied simply before she turned and went back to her apartment. You stood there for a minute, miffed, but you shrugged it off and went back inside. You stood over the trash can, absentmindedly sorting threw the mail. Junk. Junk. Junk. You tosses envelope after envelope into the bin. However, you reached back into the trash to retrieve one envelope you had skimmed over. Your stomach twisted as you opened it and pulled the letter out. “Elizabeth, I hope you are doing well. Angelica and Hercules are both worried since they haven’t heard from you. Please call them when you can to let them know you’re okay. Angelica tends to obsess about people she cares about. I’m writing because it’s the only way I’m sure you’ll get my message. I wasn’t sure if you’d blocked my number or not. I’m sorry if I disgusted you, but I assumed you’d be more open minded given that it’s 2017, not 1917. My mistake. I didn’t realize that you would find the concept of love so abhorrent. You seemed so sweet and lovable, but I guess most bigots do as well. The worst part is that I actually let you close to my heart. I liked you, but I guess that was wasted emotion, huh? I guess you were right about Elizabeth. You suit her, you know: judgmental, rude, harsh, horrid… sound familiar? I am unafraid to say that I love my boys, each and every one of them, and I don’t care if that offends you. I don’t need you in my life if you can’t accept me for who I am. I opened myself to you. I was vulnerable, but you showed me that you can’t be trusted. I’m glad I got that out of the way before things progressed any further. Maybe one day, you’ll find your Mr. Darcy-some horrid man that compliments your horridness, and you’ll go on your horrid way. You’d be perfect for each other. Maybe the reason you only saw bad in the characters was because you were looking in the mirror. News flash, it’s not that you’re meeting the wrong people, it’s that you are wrong people. I’m not going to miss you, but I will miss the idea of you. Do us both a favor and lose my number, John.” You were so angry that you couldn’t move. You couldn’t breathe. All you could do was sit there. Then it hit you all at once. How dare he. How dare he assume all those things! He was such a complete moron! You grabbed a piece of paper and your pink pen and you went to work. “Dear Mr. Pompous Prick, First of all, how dare you. How dare you go and assume all of those horrible things about me. I can’t even begin to comprehend where you got those opinions from? Unaccepting of your relationships? If you had listened to a word I had said, you’d actually get it through your pea sized brain that I support polyamory and I’m open to it! But no, you were to busy thinking about God only knows what to actually see what was right in front of you. I liked you! I had a crush on you! I know, ridiculous. It was absurd of me to even consider you to be my Mr. Darcy! You know, at some point, I thought I was wrong and that you were nothing like Mr. Darcy. I was right! You’re so much worse! You led me on, made me think I actually had a chance. Stupid me. Although I appreciate your honesty about your relationship, I wish I’d known before I’d been so emotionally invested. I didn’t leave because you disgusted me; I left because I realized how stupid I was to think you were into me! You have three other boyfriends, clearly I misunderstood. But sure, go ahead and assume I’m some bigoted asshole. Rip apart my character and everything I stand by if it helps you sleep at night, but know that you broke my heart, you son of a bitch. You made me think I had a chance, then you told me the truth and spit on my character. Tell Angelica and Hercules I’m fine. I’m sure they won’t miss me anyways. And don’t worry about your number. I lost it weeks ago. Thanks for nothing. Y/N.” You wanted to say more. You wanted to swear and curse at him until your fingers crumbled apart, but you couldn’t let him be right. You couldn’t let him have substantial proof to any of his claims. You couldn’t be that person he claimed you to be. You sent the letter to the return address, then went back to your books. You just wanted to forget the whole ordeal.

Weeks had passed, and your heart ached with the echo of his cruel words, but you couldn’t let it get to you. You were healing and repairing. You eventually got the nerve to go back to your bookstore on a dreary Saturday. You had stopped reading Pride and Prejudice a while ago. It reminded you of too much. You needed new books to hide your face in. After you bought a few books, you went to the cafe. You had forgotten your umbrella today, so you were sopping wet by the time you had gotten to your cafe. You dashed inside and ordered your old drink. You sat at your old table. You pulled out your old novel and a black pen. You began to read as you wrote in the margins. You wished the cafe would swallow you whole so you could live in this moment forever. “Elizabeth?” You recognized that voice and you froze. You shoved your nose deeper into your book as the chair scraped in front of you. He sat down with you. “Hey, Y/N,” a gentle hand tugged on your book, but you harshly pulled it back up. You did not want to speak to him. “Y/N, please, hear me out-” You snapped your book shut, not even worrying about marking your place. You grabbed your bag and fled the coffee shop. He called out behind you, begging you to stay. You didn’t. You dashed down the street, not caring about the pouring rain. You just needed to get away. Then you felt a hand in your wrist. You turned around to face him, anger sparking in you. “What, John? Have you come to bash my character again? Have you not done enough?” You demanded as you stared up at him. The pouring rain plastered hair to your face and blurred your vision, but it didn’t lessen your glare. “Y/N, please. I was wrong. I was ignorant, harsh, unreasonable, and a completely pompous prick. I was scared and hurt, and I lashed out at you-” “So what? You come here thinking some shitty apology will suffice? Obviously, you misunderstand me completely!” You were furious. After all he did, all he said, he thinks he can fix it with a few words. “I’m sorry, Y/N! What can I do to get you to see that?” He was exasperated, but you didn’t care. You would not let him hurt you again. “How about you get lost and never talk to me again?” You snapped at him. Why couldn’t he just leave you alone? “I can’t!” He was angry too now, which pissed you off even more. He had no right! “Why not? Isn’t it obvious? I hate you!” You shoved him away from you, trying to force him to leave, but he grabbed both of your hands. “‘In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and-’” “Don’t say it,” you whispered, tears in your eyes. “If you care about me at all, you won’t say it.” “'You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and-’” “Don’t,” your lips trembled as a tear slipped down your cheek. John cupped your face. “'How ardently I admire and love you,’” he finished, and you began to cry. He tried to pull you into his arms, but you pushed him away. “Oh, John,” you began crestfallenly, “Dont you remember? Elizabeth could never accept that proclamation, just as I cannot.” He let you slip away from his fingers as he stared at you. He wanted to reach for you, hold you, you could tell. But he didn’t. “But I do,” his voice cracked, and you shivered as more tears fell. “I wish I could believe you, John. I really do.”

Needless to say, your mom made another trip after that encounter, and it was only after speaking with her that you came to your senses. But it was too late now. You’d done your damage. “Honey,” your mom had said, “if you believe in romance at all, and if you truly live by your aesthetics and romanticism, then you will not sit idly by and be satisfied by this excuse. If you are half the girl I know you to be, you will find this boy and tell him how you really feel.” She was right. It took a few phone calls with Angelica, who was completely relieved to have heard from you, but also completely pissed off from the whole ordeal. She was delighted to help after you had explained everything. So there you were, fidgeting anxiously at the Belladona, waiting for John to show up. You were relying on all of the books you had read to aid you in this one moment. Would he show? Angelica had invited him out to dinner with her. Word on the street was that you’d left him a complete disaster. You felt horrible. This whole ordeal was your fault. Cheese and rice, you royally screwed this one up. There’s no way he’d show. Not after everything you’d done. You didn’t deserve another chance. But then you saw him. He looked beautiful, just the way you remembered him. As soon as he came in, his eyes locked on you. Would he turn to run? You prayed to anything and everything out there that he wouldn’t. And he didn’t. He slowly, hesitantly, approached your table, and you stood. You made your way over so that you were standing before him. This was the bravest thing you’d done in your life. “John, I…” and words failed you. You had nothing. You’d built everything up to this moment, and you were flatlining. You couldn’t speak. All you could do was stare at him, hoping he’d understand. “I…” Speak, Y/N! This is your last chance! “I…” Where was your fire? Your spark? Suddenly, you were back in the coffee shop the first time you’d met, and you finally found the words. “You’re my right person,” you finally managed to get out. You stared at him, waiting. He blinked. Then he blinked again. “I’ve always been afraid of saying the wrong thing, but with you, it’s like all the dialog is already there. You already know what I’m going to say before I say it. And I know I’m the wrong person, I’ve always been, but you’re my right person and I could never forgive myself if I didn’t tell you that-” you couldn’t stop talking now. You were rambling. You were losing him, you could feel it. Without warning, his lips were on yours, and he was kissing you like there was no tomorrow. He was desperate, trying to convey everything he had been holding back those past weeks into that single moment. When he pulled away, he whispered, “If I’m your right person, then you’re my right story.”

You could fill books upon books with the different aesthetics you got to wake up to now. You had dozens of polaroids filled with your boys’ faces. It had been two years since you met John at the Belladona. Your relationship had been far from fanfic material, but maybe that’s why you loved it so much. Fanfics were predictable; this was an adventure. John was right. Your boys were right people. They were everything you’d been hoping for and more. It wasn’t perfect, not by far, but that’s what made it perfect. You were happy, and you knew you would always be happy as long as you were with them. You didn’t read as much anymore. You didn’t need to. You had all the adventure you needed. It was bittersweet to watch your beaten up copy of Pride and Prejudice collect dust on the shelf, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. After all, it was all for the aesthetic.

[logh-icebergs]

Episode 15: The Battle of Amlitzer Starzone

October 10-15, 796/487. To the surprise of absolutely no one with any common sense, Reinhard’s admirals make quick work of several of the Alliance fleets, killing a bunch of redshirt admirals in the process. Unable to swallow the humiliation of withdrawal, Lazzll orders the remaining forces to gather in the Amlitzer starzone, where with their powers combined they can...I dunno, kill slightly more people on their way to defeat I guess. Any lingering dreams of a miraculous turning of the tides are crushed when Kircheis uses the newfangled technology of directional Seffle particles to destroy a minefield and bring his fleet of 30,000 ships to the battle as reinforcements.

Poplan!

Olivier Poplan showed up way back in “My Conquest” in the role of a rather dopey comic relief character, one of the tools the movie used to show us a variety of perspectives on the ongoing battles. We’ve glimpsed him once or twice since, but in this episode for the first time we get to focus on him a bit more; and the first thing that the OVA wants us to know about Poplan is that he’ll take any opportunity, even the twenty seconds before his Spartanian fighter is about to launch into battle, to flirt with a cute girl:

To be fair, she is indeed really cute…

There is a lot to say about this incredibly brief interaction. What Poplan actually says is “na, ii darou?” which translates most literally to “hey, isn’t it okay/good?” There are a couple factors that make this incredibly vague phrase feel like a flirtation or come-on: the way he leans toward her with a slight smile; the lowered voice. Her response reinforces this read by treating his actions as inappropriate to the current situation. (What she says is “komarimasu, tai-i, konna toki ni”—”that would be troublesome at a time like this, Lt.”) Is she reading him correctly? Could his question have actually just been about the progress of the repairs on his ship?

Well, yes, it could have been, but the accompanying body language and tone are flirty enough that at the very least there’s innuendo built into his words. Of course as she points out, this is a ridiculous time for him to be propositioning anyone; their interaction is immediately interrupted by an officer berating him for being the last plane out, Poplan takes off, and (spoiler!) we never see this woman again. What on earth, then, was the point of that twenty-second scene?

I’ve mentioned that Cazellnu plays an important role in the show by embodying some of the heteronormative structures of Alliance society: Not only does he himself have a picture-perfect wife and kids (we’ll see them soon I promise!), but we’ll also hear him explicitly voice views about the righteousness of marriage and procreation. Poplan plays a similar and complementary role, giving voice to another side of heteronormativity: the pressure for men to constantly pursue women as sexual conquests. His introduction in this scene emphasizes that sex is so constantly on his mind that he can’t resist flirting even as he flies into battle—and of course that very idea, of men as sex-obsessed and unable to control themselves around women in any situation, is another widespread norm. True to this introduction, Poplan discusses sex constantly: bragging about women he’s slept with in the past; teasing other characters about not sleeping with enough women; pontificating about the virtues of sleeping around (with women). This potentially puts characters who don’t relate to this sort of hypersexualized straight masculinity in somewhat uncomfortable situations.

There’s another angle to Poplan’s strange timing here: The fact that his ambiguous proposition is guaranteed not to go anywhere at the moment makes it entirely performative. In fact if you pay close attention to Poplan (and we will!), something around 95% of what we see involves performing or projecting heterosexuality rather than, well, actually enacting it. Obviously that doesn’t mean that the stuff he says is insincere or false, but ambiguity is always worth keeping an eye on in this show.

...and Konev!

No discussion of Poplan is complete without talking about Ivan Konev, the other star Spartanian pilot of Yang’s fleet and Poplan’s constant companion. When Poplan discovers that the firing sights on his Spartanian are misaligned, Konev covers for him to help get him back to the relative safety of the ship, leading to in my opinion the most intense scene of the whole episode.

We’ve seen Poplan and Konev deal with the stress of battle by treating it like a game: betting on the outcome back in “My Conquest,” and generally keeping up a running tally of their respective kills for bragging rights. But these are in fact life and death battles, not some video game; and faced with malfunctioning equipment that put his life and the lives of the rest of his squadron in heightened danger, Poplan’s fear and frustration come out as anger against the officer in charge of maintenance. It’s Konev who intervenes. 

Poplan’s expression and posture soften the moment Konev puts a hand on his shoulder. Just that one instant establishes Konev as a grounding presence and someone Poplan has a deep connection with.

The unguarded fear that flashes in Poplan’s eyes for just a second here gives me chills.

Shit has gotten serious, and Konev’s words don’t soften that reality; but his steady expression and touch quell Poplan’s rage and help him channel his emotions into renewed focus on the battle.

Interestingly, this exchange comes to us entirely courtesy of the anime team. In the novels it’s Schenkopp who pulls Poplan off of the other officer, in a much more abbreviated version of the same scene. (Poplan actually holds a grudge against Schenkopp for stopping him before he could more thoroughly teach the guy a lesson.) The anime writers made a specific choice to change and expand this scene to show us this different side of Poplan and Konev’s dynamic. Of course we’re not here to catalogue all of the slight deviations from the novels; but a change like this suggests to me that Poplan and Konev’s relationship is one they’re particularly interested in developing, so we should be paying attention.

War

This sentiment echoes Yang’s tea speech from episode 6; finding themselves in this battle, his main goal is to find a way for as many people to survive as possible.

Zooming out from Poplan and Konev’s struggles in their little corner of the fight, the overall battle seems to go exactly how Reinhard drew it up and exactly how Yang and some of the other Alliance commanders feared. Yang places himself on damage control duty as much as possible, knowing from the beginning that their whole fleet is at a huge disadvantage especially after Reinhard’s successful strategy to tax their supplies.

During the various scattered battles we get some fun peeks at the different fighting styles of Reinhard’s admirals, for example when Mittermeyer swoops so swiftly into the midst of an Alliance fleet that he actually has to back up a bit before they can effectively fire at the enemy ships...

...While meanwhile Kircheis just stands on the bridge of his extremely red flagship like the badass he is and calmly encourages any Alliance forces that come near to surrender.

After retreating to minimize losses against Kempf’s fleet, Yang finds himself facing Kircheis and outnumbered four to one; avoiding the temptation to surrender, he concocts some sort of plan involving a U-formation and trying to attack Kircheis’s forces from three sides at once, but since he’s ordered away to Amlitzer in the middle of that fight we’ll never know what the outcome of this tactic would have been. 

This gif is interesting for two reasons: one, everyone’s utter shock at Yang admitting out loud that if it weren’t for concern for the other remaining fleets he’d be tempted to surrender; and two, the ridiculous redraws that keep switching back and forth—Yang’s character design, as well as the entire background, change repeatedly in the course of these few seconds. What the hell.

The main point I want to make about this battle is, well, actually how uneventful it is. LoGH is about understanding cause and effect, inevitability, ways of thinking that lead to different outcomes. We’ve known for several episodes that the Alliance went into this invasion underprepared and for the wrong reasons, while Reinhard has carefully taken steps to weaken the Alliance forces and give himself even more of an upper hand. There are no shocking twists here: The invasion is a disaster, as it should have been, and Reinhard’s (and Oberstein’s) strategy is rewarded with a convincing victory.

Right, Bittenfeld, that's...pretty much what I said.

Stray Tidbits

This brief interaction between Reinhard and Oberstein near the end of the episode is a nice microcosm of the dynamic we’ve seen develop in previous episodes: Oberstein being kind of baffled by the concept of Reinhard fretting about one of his admirals more than the others. Hang in there Oberstein, maybe someday you’ll underst—nah, actually, probably not. Reinhard’s “damn you caught me” expression as he tries to claim he was “just checking” is too cute. 

Don’t worry Reinhard! Kircheis just has to gaze at Alliance commanders with those calm blue eyes and they surrender to his every whim, you know that.

If you’re watching on Hidive, I hate to say it but for once I’ve got to score one for the fansubs: As far as I can tell what Yang says here (after Frederica reminds him that Julian has told him to cut down on drinking) is just “so you two have joined forces?” (The verb is 連帯する, rentai suru, “to have solidarity/share responsibility.”) Cute (if a bit weird) as the Hidive version is, it's a definite stretch.

And while we're at it, here's the original laserdisc version, complete with random blue tube in the background.

Hidive subbers, I would read your fanfic but for the official translations let's stick to what they actually say...

Am I a terrible person if this gif just makes me laugh?