#I draw myself very feminine cuz I want to

[ilov3b00kss0much]

so the funny thing about my friend group is

ignore my crappy drawing, I'm working on it, ANYWAY. do you see the problem. all the nds (nuerodivergents) grouped together. also ignore that j looks like Michael Jackson its irrelevant.

yes most of us are mainly self diagnosed (W RESEARCH) (b is diagnosed with all, e is diagnosed with chronic pain, a is diagnosed with depression, and I'm diagnosed with anxiety. j is not.)

[zilodak]

For mustache anon - I tried a lot to get rid of my facial hair, especially in high school. And I didn't just have a slight mustache, I have chin hair too, all very visible. One day I realized how anxious every little thing made me and how I would avoid situations or be afraid of someone seeing the hair on my legs somehow and only wearing long pants always. And how physically painful and bumpy shaving is. It wasn't instant, but I started to be cognizant of that and how miserable it all made me and just kept making the active choice to say no to my suffering. If you're artistically inclined, drawing it into your work to see it facing back at you in something aesthetically pleasing also helps. Good luck!

I agree with this anon! I was born hairy and was bullied for my body hair when I was EVEN 5 years old. I don't want to get too much into my trauma with body hair since it's incredibly personal. But I started drawing myself with body hair when I was in middle school and it made me feel better about myself and I started incorporating my experience with forced femininity into my works.

For that same reason I only recently started liking my double chin. It was one of my biggest insecurities growing up. But drawing Selin really helped me with it.

Unfortunately even as an adult, your family members don't stop commenting about your body. It doesn't bother me much anymore cuz it's stupid, their logic is stupid, but I feel angry at the world for grooming me to feel ashamed of my body. To no one's surprise, in my case constantly telling a kid that they're ugly and that everybody silently judges you becomes a serious case of body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria.

But I noticed something this year. This was the first year I haven't shaved as a trauma response when I went to the beach. And you know what? No one cares. Literally no one. And if they do, who cares? Let them be disappointed, it's not my problem.

[plasmasimagination]

hi!!! congratulations on your milestone ♡ i was wondering if i could get a matchup for genshin impact and honkai star rail?

if possible, i would like to be matched up with a male for genshin, but a female or male for star rail is fine!

my mbti is ifsp and my zodiac is leo! i'm introverted but i love socializing w/ people and i'm definitely a yapper 😭... i talk a lot to people i'm close w/ and usually type in all caps cuz im always hype like dat... i'm also vv optimistic ♡

i'm also the funniest person i know & i think i'm the clown of my friend group... sometimes i say really stupid things and i'm really reckless + impulsive

i have dark brown hair that reaches my chest and i have blonde highlights! i'm 5'0, my skin is on the paler side, and i'm on the thinner side! my aesthetic is soft & pastel and i love, love the color pink!! i think i'm really feminine & i love feminine things

i do sports and i love biology & healthcare! i also love drawing and writing & usually spend my free time doing one or the other... i'm really creative & i like anything related to art (music, literature, etc.) i wld love to be in the medical field & give others hope during tough times!! ♡

i don't really fall in love nowadays (i only like fictional charas lmao) because i'm young and i don't rlly the people my age :( i feel like they're really immature and that's okay!! ik everyone grows at their own pace, but for now, they're js not for me!

i want someone who understands me and who i can be comfortable w. i also want someone who i know isn't with me for the sake of being with me, but because they actually like me for me.

in theory, i really love the "i hate everyone but you" trope, but realistically ik it's toxic AFF and that's not the energy i want irl... but i do want someone who makes it noticable js how much they like me :( im a sucker for eyes and i love the thought of someone looking at me w/ a fond, soft expression that they don't share w/ anyone else makes me really giddy... i want it to be known that i am loved (although subtly) and i want to feel special ♡♡

i'd prefer someone who is kind of a tsundere and someone who isn't really into pda bc i don't like pda myself... also my love language is quality time! i'd rather be loved in private than in public, but things like hand holding is fine :))

anyway thank you so much for doing these matchups and feel free to ignore this one if you have too much on your plate!! you are so deserving of 300, almost 400 followers now, and you are so incredible ♡♡ thank you, again and again!

SWEETIE! HAI!! (∩˃ω˂∩)

Your matchup, go!

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AL HAITHAM

Okay okay I know what I might say "but alhaitham won't make me feel loved..."

LISTEN TO ME, YES HE WILL.

he might not be vocal with it but he loves you and shows it

He will always keep an eye on you, and sometimes just doze off while looking at you over his book

He prefers to spend time at home, with either cuddling you or just sitting together and doing something, since he's not really into PDA he prefers to keep his love to you for the inside

His love languages are quality time and acts of service

Expect a lot of small things done for you

For example you fell asleep while reading a book, he will put a bookmark on the chapter and cover you in a blanket

Tho all that aside, he does act annoyed with your jokes sometimes but in reality he's very fond of them

After you Tell a joke or such he'll just sit there silently, but you could swear a smile is creeping on his smile.

BRONYA

Similar to alhaitham but very different

Different from alhaitham, she's more calm and less tense

She enjoys your company a lot, and appreciates your optimistic view of the world

Also she likes the fact that you're so experienced in healthcare, she might even provide you with some good situations where you can try it out, if you want ofcourse

Because of her status I'd like to think she doesn't enjoy PDA at all, but what she does enjoy is private time with you, where she can just be herself and show her gratitude to you

[hammerhead-jpg]

Ok so @bi-polar-geminii already made a post about this and had fruitful discussions about it but I feel like what I have to say might be too long to fit in their asks but

I definitely agree that SOME redacted artists seem to be unable of drawing diverse characters, keyword SOME because this fandom is one that definitely has a majority of lovely designs

And before I continue I want to point out that I am a snow cockroach myself so maybe I shouldn't be the one discussing this but obviously diversity is not just about race, it's about everything on a person like sexuality, ethnicity, nationality, body type, facial features and structures, hair textures and overall small features and accessories that differentiate the person

Honestly this is something that I've been thinking about for a long while and I won't name drop anyone because this isn't a call out post and I'm not looking to start drama (even though there is a certain someone that comes to mind but we won't talk about that) but I was scared that people would get really pissy.

I know that diversity is something that could be classified under artistic skill and I believe that not every artist who posts on social media can't just draw for fun and as a hobby without having the goal of improving but I do also think that diversity is not only a type of skill in character design but also a small gift to anyone that doesn't fit the the perfect beauty standards and when you seemingly refuse to draw anyone that doesn't fit that standard and like, only draw tank, Milo n Alexis as brownskin then that just kinda seems icky

And btw I'm not saying that it's bad to draw those three as poc (hell my tank is darkskin) but there's a difference between drawing a good chunk of the characters as brownskin/darkskin (obv including characters that don't fit/go against the racist stereotypes) and and those three just kinda end up being part of that group and then like all of your characters being crackers and only them being poc

I'm just saying it wouldn't kill you not to make all of your listener designs the same pretty faced preppy saltine sister and every male character the same dorito back webtoon guy but just with different hairstyles, clothing styles and maybe sometimes body types (but never even slightly chubby cuz god forbid)

And also, can we get some listeners that are male/masc?

This is something that I was kinda scared to talk about because like 90% of the fandom will draw like 90% of their listener ocs as women or very fem presenting and I definitely have quite a few listener designs that are very feminine or could be assumed women on first glances and again, the listener characters are gender neutral for a reason and they are at the end of the day supposed to be self inserts so the redacted fandom being majority fem/women it makes sense that they would make majorly fem/women listener ocs but like... If you're already making ocs would it kill you to make at least ONE of them masc/male? Like at least one you don't care about?

And I know saying that people should make more masc/male listener sounds kinda???? misogynistic???? But I'm not saying that because I think that male representation is a thing but because I think queer representation is a thing

I just think that maybe just maybe a little gay people wouldn't hurt??? Pretty please???with a cherry on top????

And damihux doesn't count!!! You don't get to draw them once and be the ultimate gay ally but ofc only on gay month because any other and you might get sent to hell!!! /hj

Just saying when naive little may 2022 me just finished watching freelancer and Gavin team tag Lasko (but not really because I'm literally a mineral and don't have the Patreon) and then went on social media just to see that the fandom was full of STRAGGOTS my jaw hit the submarine

And just, as we close off I know I'm not the ultimate master of diversity, my designs still fall under the pretty face fluffy hair m shaped bangs that definitely look too young for their age but I'm still working on making my character designs look distinct and diverse, and I will be actively working on it for like forever but I definitely won't lie to myself and say that I haven't improved from my dolphin smooth same face syndrome anime boy faze when I only ever wanted to put facial hair on a character when they were past the age of 27 but only put it on the jaw so they just ended up looking like Abraham Lincoln- so I know that I will get better at it eventually

I too look at more talented who are way better at making distinct designs and making designs for characters who don't have to rely on beauty standards to be absolutely gorgeous and feel bad, especially when basically the whole fandom simultaneously descides that a character is poc, a decision that I missed out on and then the fact that my design is seemingly the only one that is white makes me feel like those people that turn objects into people but just end up making them the same breed of sexy anime boy that nobody likes

So if you're insecure about your designs not being distinct enough the best advice I can give is to step out of your comfort zone and actively look for little details that might make a character unique and you'll get there

In conclusion, people who descide to be a conformist (/j) and draw Gavin with a human skin tone but then make him as pale as an uncooked chicken breast when he's specifically described as tan are kinda weird<3333

Also UNPOPULAR OPINION ‼️‼️

People who make their Lovely oc fem/a woman are DELUSIONAL ‼️ and are LYING TO THEMSELVES and are going to miss out on all the sexy fanfiction I'm going to write about Vincent riding their girthy monster cock ‼️( SLASH J EVERYBODY!!!!!!)

At the end of the day, people can draw whatever they want, but people can also say whatever they want in response to it, so you can't be mad if someone that's not even talking about you directly says that they find it strange that some people act like drawing a person that's not completely cis, white, straight, able bodied and a super model without it being some sort of subconscious stereotype will give them the plague

[badartxd]

OHOHOHO THAT’S A BIG ONE >:3

So this was FUN and I drew most of it in one night, somehow! Based on a clear bunny outfit I saw on Twitter ^^

It was super neat to finally get all my current girlies in a literal row in a way that would reflect their personalities, heights, and body types!

From left to right, they are: Yara, Vasya, Niya, and Ellie!

Under the cut will be some more info on them and some close ups! Disclaimer cuz the description does touch a little on their attitudes towards things like lingerie.

Yara: this one actually came easiest, since I’ve had the image in my head for a while. It was a fun chance to draw her at her full height, with battle scars and everything! I think that out of all four of my ocs, she’d be the one most flustered by outfits like that, largely because while she does enjoy feminine presentation in theory, it’s not something she’s too well versed with in practice. Def something she wouldn’t wear around other people. I tried to draw lil tremble lines around her fist from how hard she’s clenching it XD

Vasya: her and Niya are probably the ones who are most comfortable/confident in clothes like that, this kind of outfit actually totally being Vasya’s thing. She may prefer formal/practical wear in everyday life, but funky lingerie is her style! Hence the, erm, whip lol. Despite her deadpan expression, she’s having a good time - she just likes playing the part. Also this was a chance for me to show off the way she pulls up her hair, and the blood magic scars on her thighs and forearms - they’re both easily accessible parts that are covered by a robe, and have the least chance of causing too much damage.

Niya: also having a good time in this! She’s the kind of person to enjoy just about any outfit, to the chagrin of everyone who knows her and has to witness her confidently commit endless fashion atrocities with the same gleefully smug expression. She will wear crocs with a ball gown. This is baby stuff. Also I got to show off her new hairstyle and horns, as well as her tail and the scale freckling on her face/shoulders/elbows/thighs/knees! The scales are more dense on her back but she still has quite a few up front ^^

Ellie: is honestly perfectly content, even if her demeanour is a pretty timid one! She enjoys dressing up, mostly in very feminine/cute clothes, so she’s probably in the same camp as Vasya in terms of wearing a thing like this unironically with her partner. Also it’s been my first time drawing her full body, and her body type, so I’m super proud of myself there! She’s just petite and super soft, and I think she looks absolutely adorable here! Like if I got to assign my characters an impression, (Intimidating ruffian for Yara, Eldritch allure for Niya, autism creature keen but vaguely unnerving observer for Vasya, etc) Ellie would be the sort of person you’d want to bring into a hug or go to a sleepover with. She’s just sweet and approachable like that.^^

[stomachimage4u]

So idk what in doing. Im gonna explain why i need to die. First of all nobody can convince me that i deserve to live because im a waste of space and oxygen. Everyday i wake up and play games or draw. I dont do anything productive such as studying or reading or exercising. Im too lazy to do stuff like that. Im too lazy to even write rn 😭 i wish my mind could write it for me and i wouldnt need my fingers to type. Im so lazy i dont clean my room, but its not like its too messy i just have to fold my clothes and vacuum and organise. Ok nvm my room is messy. I disappoint my mon. Sometimes i just cant bring myself to do the chores i do them from time to time but i sometimes scoff and throw myself in my bed. I dont see myself in the future. Yeah sure i have drawing skillz but can i really turn them into a job?? Nuh uh artists dont get paid a lot and its going to be even more horrible. Jobs for artist could be: commissions but you have to be very popular on social media, i mean its kinda optional but you need a lot of commissions to pay the bills. Another job as an artist could be clout but its almost same as the commissions. There are a lot of jobs, but its not like i can do any of them. They require skillz that i dont have. You could improve but it takes a lot of time. Art is just another hobby and i dont think i would take it to next level. Another reason that i should die?? For i should die?? Fuck english, is that im fucking ugly. I hate my hair because for at least 2 or 3 years i always kept it in a low ponytail because i look uglier with my hair down. I hate myself i wish I wasn’t so self conscious about my hair . I wish i could get a cool haircut without my mom saying something about it. I would still look cringe with a cool haircut cuz people dont really see me with my hair down not even my mom, and if i let my hair down they gonna b like :”omg she finnally let go of the ponytail” or sum like respectfully stfu, youre making me more insecure. I hate my face. I have a lot of pimples on my forehead. I mean its normal to have pimples but it isnt for me. Like what the fuck???? I havent eaten shit like chips and coke in since summer vacation started and my skin still looks horrible. Its true i sometimes forget to do the skin care routine because im lazy. I hate my eyebrowz. They are so fucking thick😭. I wish i should just give them a slimmer shape but my mom says that my eyebrowz are ok. Yeah, no. They arent. I hate my teeth. They are so yellowish because i sometimes forget to brush my teeth and even if i remember to brush them and actually do it, i give out no effort and i just move the brush in my mouth for 30 seconds and then leave. I dont have the BEST hygiene, i do shower two times a week but i dont really brush my hair or my teeth. I hate being a girl. I dont wanna shave but i still have to because i dont look “feminine” or some shit like stfu i dont wanna shave im lazy. In the end i still shave cuz my mom tells me its for the better. So i hate myself so much, i wanna rip my hair off my head and scream loud AAAAA. And if im so ugly, nobody would want me. I need to be pretty to feel loved. I crave some much attention and love nobody understands. I mean, my parents love me right?? Idk they both are at they jobs and come home late and idk if they forget about me or nah. So now, i have the MOST important reason why i should die. Im egoist and narcissist. I only care for myself, i do things for myself, not for others. I imagine or daydream how i would get a lot of attention and that narcissism because uhhhh i read on the internet and ur prolly gonna be like “dont believe whats on the internet” well fuck it i mean it makes sense to be narcissist and imagine getting a lot of attention. Im a bad person, i make people around me disappointed or sad. So yeah, these were all the reasons why i should die. There's one more reason. I'm stupid but I'm not gonna explain everything you get the point.

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

this might sound silly but one thing that I kind of hate about tumblr's lgbt culture is how they love associating random things with certain gender identities/sexualities ("gay people sit weird" for example) so I'm always paranoid of outing myself for some of my interests because of how people like associating it to afab she/theys on tumblr and now I can't express it freely without being paranoid of it. I love clowns, I love the clown aesthetic and I love drawing my characters as clowns, but i have never seen anyone that's not a nonbinary or openly trans person on tumblr drawing clowns and I've seen people outside of tumblr analyzing people's art and saying shit like "this looks like something a (slur against trans men) would make" so now I'm not posting any drawings I have with clowns in it because I know there might be a possibility of someone saying that about my art too. I wish this "gay/trans culture" thing didn't exist or at least not to this extent, because not everyone is fine with people knowing they're trans because they wear hawaiian shirts and that's a "transmasc thing".

I definitely feel you. And you're not wrong. Stuff that was started as a joke started genuinely becoming serious for some people and that's when it all fell apart.

That said. That idea is very much NOT mainstream. The mainstream stereotypes are basically the same as they've always been (being a masculine women=gay/feminine man=gay). Most people don't actually see Hawaiian shirts as a trans man give away. Honestly, I've had more people think I was gay because of my Hawaiian shirts than trans.

Unless the people are in the LGBT community or are involved in some way, you're gonna be fine. And even then, if you treat it casually then no one really questions it. Post clowns, don't mention anything you don't want to about your clowns. Most people won't bat an eye. And the ones saying slurs aren't people you wanna listen to in the first place. Especially if it's online, you can just block people.

Irl people's are gonna be a lot faster to assume you're gay than trans. It's just, not something that occurs to most people. Not sure if that's any better for your paranoia. But I know I prefer being clocked as gay than trans (cuz it means I pass as a man. Tho still shitty to assume I'm gay cuz I'm a bit too feminine for their approval).

Overall, I think it's important to acknowledge how this stuff has messed up stereotypes and just reinforced new ones. That's shitty. But it's also important to work on saying "fuck my paranoia/anxiety/bad thoughts, imma do/wear the things I want." The more you let yourself enjoy and express yourself how you want the easier it gets to ignore the people who made you feel bad about doing it in the first place.

Not sure if that's actually helpful. But one last piece of advice that might be better: get off tumblr for a bit. Go out and look at other guys, look at others art. You'll find a shit ton of cis straight men wearing Hawaiian shirts, and a lot of people drawing all sorts of shit coming from a variety of backgrounds. Sometimes we get stuck in these small circles and we forget that the rest of the world isn't involved in these circles. It's important to get out of them just to understand how much we're all alike. And how many people do the same things we do. And revaluate some of the assumptions we have about what different things mean. Cuz our circles don't represent anything outside of said circles. They can't really tell you much about the world. You gotta experience that yourself. I think that'll help calm down your paranoia, and maybe help get you outta and away from these circles that are making it worse for you.

[averagepoet]

Okay I might make a tiktok of this later cuz that was my original idea but I can’t do that while in a car with my parents so I’m settling for this. Get ready for my Danganronpa Trans Headcanons

yup some of the most controversial things in the fandom. And just for some clarity, even though I don’t owe anyone this, I myself am trans; I use He/They pronouns and am AFAB (fun fact my pfp is a drawing I did of my partner, not of myself).

I’d like to preface this with this statement: obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I’m not trying to target or judge anyone that feels differently than I do. Please don’t send me hate for my thoughts, because I wouldn’t send you hate for yours. 

Also, I’m putting a spoiler warning here for all the games, because every game is going to be spoiled by at least one of the characters listed. 

Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc

Chihiro Fujisaki- I head cannon him as a trans guy (though I also enjoy the nonbinary Chihiro head canon), and let me explain before anyone gets mad at me (I know a lot of people hold the “Chihiro is a trans girl” head canon close, but I’d like to be heard out). His arc is extremely trans coded, it’s true. But a lot of people assume that because he wears dresses that it means he’s a girl. From my point of view, though, the way he dresses and the way his situation is described seems like when a trans guy is forced back in the closet after trying to come out (he’s deemed not masculine enough to be a “real boy” by his peers, so he retreats into hyper-femininity like a lot of closeted trans men do). It’s able to be seen that he’s uncomfortable with his situation because he seeks Mondo out thinking that he’s a safe person to come out to and ask for guidance from. Some people might wonder about the end of the investigation with this head canon, and it’s my humble belief that he could’ve worn a packer. No one would know or notice it, and I fully believe his dad was supportive of him, so maybe that was a way for him to be comfortable in a small way. So, that’s why I think Chihiro is a trans guy, not a trans girl. 

Celestia Ludenburg- I head canon her as a trans girl. It’s mostly because she changed her name and doesn’t want to tell anyone her “real name,” because it’s not her “real” name, its her deadname. 

Kiyotaka Ishimaru- I head canon him as a trans guy simply because he’s probably my favorite character from this game.

Makoto Naegi- I head canon him as nonbinary and trans masculine, but would probably feel comfortable with any pronouns. This is another one where it’s not because I feel like there’s reasons ingrained in his story, it’s just because of the vibes I get. 

Super Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu- I head canon him as a trans guy because he’s so short and angry. As a short and angry trans guy, I find him very relatable. 

Peko Pekoyama- This will probably sound stupid, but it’s because I fully believe that Peko and Fuyuhiko are T4T. She is a trans girl. 

Hajime Hinata- I head canon him as a trans guy. He mentions discomfort while showering when you click on the bathroom in his cottage, he doesn’t want to swim with other people, and Mahiru has to ask him if he’s a boy. I just think it makes sense. 

Ibuki Mioda- Ibuki talks a lot about being lonely in her FTE, not just when she was a kid, but also while she was in her girl group. I head canon that this is because she and the other girls had a hard time relating to each other because Ibuki is a trans girl. I worry that maybe she left the group less for artistic differences and more because she didn’t feel that she fit in with them. 

Ultimate Imposter- Because the Imposter can perfectly impersonate anyone, I like to believe that they are genderfluid and feel comfortable presenting as any gender. 

Chiaki Nanami- This is definitely biased, because I relate Chiaki in my head so much to my partner, but I fully believe that Chiaki is nonbinary and uses she/they pronouns. 

Kazuichi Souda- I head canon him as a trans guy. Partly from how he’s drawn in some shots with wider hips and a smaller waist, but mostly because of the drastic appearance change he went through prior to the game. 

Gundham Tanaka- With this one it is yet again less about the story and more about the vibes. I feel like Gundham would use he/they and maybe even neopronouns. He also seems like he would’ve tried binding with ace bandages for the aesthetic, but his mom caught him and bought him a proper binder because there is no way she’d let her son hurt himself like that. 

Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony

Shuichi Saihara- I head canon him as a trans man. It does have mostly to do with how he looks and the fact that I find him relatable. 

Kokichi Ouma- Again, a trans guy. For the exact same reasons as Shuichi. 

Kiibo Idabashi (K1-B0)- Kiibo is a robot. Kiibo says he hasn’t thought about whether or not he’s a boy. I think that Kiibo is nonbinary, and is comfortable with they/he pronouns. 

Tsumugi Shirogane- I head canon her as a trans girl. This is just another example of me liking a character so much that I head canon them as trans. I don’t care what anyone else says, in my brain she is a wonderful trans lesbian who has two very loving girlfriends. 

Himiko Yumeno- I head canon Himiko as a nonbinary lesbian who uses they/she pronouns. It just feels right to me. 

Angie Yonaga- Angie is also a nonbinary lesbian in my mind, using she/they/halo pronouns. 

Ryoma Hoshi- I head canon him as a trans man. He is small and sad. Like me. 

[siverfanweedo]

Okay so heads up this is a vent/rant so please skip if you don't wanna read this. also realize this is coming from the mouth of a transmasculine person. I am nonbinary, yes but I lean heavily into masculinity

okay, so the fate/grand order canon and fandom is fucking shit to trans masc characters. Like holy god you have no idea how bad it is.

now you see in Apocrypha, Mordred fucking says he'll stab Sisigou if Sisigou refers to him as a chick again

in chapter 4 the same thing happened with Jekyll

like look, I am biased but that to me means he isn't a girl or fem aligned. Just all this to say since I have really like got into fate deeper I have had to deal with countless people telling me Mordred isn't actually trans he's not this and that and don't draw him doing this and that.

I have been in this fandom for 2 years. Actually, I wish I just stayed in the oc making space and never met other fate fans as I extended into arknights cuz I have run into these issues again.

I just really want people to know that I have noticed a lot of disrespect towards trans masc with fgo. The characters in canon are tossed on an 'oh maybe could be waifu' spot and people just eat it up. People will never tread full force into wait yeah they are a guy it's always 'they yeah they aren't a girl but not a guy.' It happens over and over.

a genderbent of Jacques de Molay is added to app while arcade has a male version and she is voiced by a trans man and I thought oh cool we can have a fun trans masc headcanon and it will be a nod of respect to the va but no! I saw trans fem headcanons and I felt like... really hurt by that. I felt like sometimes this fandom and canon really do not like trans masc people. some people did at least defend that the whole situation was weird and sus at least.

like please! please! I am at my end here. I don't really wanna be a fgo fan anymore. The constant disrespect of Mordred really hurts it triggers my dysphoria it makes me not trust people cuz I think oh this person *DOESN'T* respect me as a masculine folk. I end up hating myself for my masculinity I fought so hard for and love so much cuz I feel like I can't be loved and respected as a masculine person. And above all else. It hurts when it comes from trans fems. A lot of the stuff I remember came from them.

trans women/fems can hate masculinity. I get that I fucking HATE femininity like I can't even put it into words.

I just please you can't defend the trans fem characters and say don't call them a tr*p while disrespecting Mordred's gender or any trans masc character or anything like that. It's really fucked up.

Sorry for this vent. I know many fgo fans are very cool and aren't dicks to trans masc and act like trans masculinity is lesser and can be easily erased and or ignored. But this is an issue I have had for years with the fandom outside of my preferred circle and it's not just from cis folks which is the real issue here.

Please don't clown at me I am very tired from all this I just wanna be masculine in peace and have people stop being like dismissive of it in characters.

[larsisfrommars]

I need to talk about Fjord for a second because I have so, so many feelings about him.

I don’t think I have ever related to a fictional character more.

In my life.

The ambition, the awkwardness, the wanting to be someone else, the poisonous sources from which I drew my self worth. Weirdly enough, the unabiding love for the ocean despite the many times it could have killed me that also so happens to be a place of power for the people who generated poisonous thoughts in me.

I think, most of all, even though Fjord is not canonically trans, his story deeply relates to my trans, and by extension, life experience. Abandon ship now if you’d like, imma get Personal.

I was bullied, a lot, as a kid, for being “weird” and not looking traditionally feminine (cuz hey, turns out, I’m not) so I tried to lean into the whole “tough scary kid” thing, trying to look and be stronger than other kids, it worked, kinda, but not really. I had asthma, I wasn’t very physically strong, and as scary as I would’ve liked to have been, I mostly tried to impress people singing and drawing and showing other kids which plants you could eat without poisoning yourself (chives, honeysuckle). More importantly, I was great at making things up. Pretending to have beat other kids in physical fights, having super powers, being able to talk to demons and other weird coping stuff. I didn’t think I was special, and god I wanted to be special. If Fjord wanting to be special, trying to act tough, filing his tusks down, being betrayed by former friends, didn’t hurt like a bitch as bits and pieces of his childhood unfolded I don’t know what does.

Once I got old enough I started figuring out, to an extent, why other kids didn’t like me, so I started putting on my “girl suit” I was the “mom friend”, the actress, the goodie two shoes, the musical loud mouth. Complete with a fresh new set of unIt was my persona for pretty much all of high school, and honestly? She was also a dick. I thought I had to be mean and controlling and a braggart to be accepted. Honestly, I turned into a version of the person my real poisons sprung from. She didn’t lie as much, not in the literal sense anyway. I was vicerally reminded of her in the Uka’toa arc, I thought it was Avantika that was providing this dark mirror, I was wrong… it was Fjord during the Uka’toa arc.

Then all of the sudden, I graduated and started college and none of the shit that I had built on top of myself from grade school mattered anymore. For the first time, I didn’t feel judged, I was powerless, reputationless and new and it felt so good. I never even got to build one because of the pandemic. So I scraped together Mighty Nein of my own out of the friends that managed to puncture the layers over of the years. I am in awe of the ways my friends and sibling move through the world with their own graces and talents that I find totally alien, while also seeing they’re as clueless as me. I see Beau in my little sibling, Caleb, Yasha, Molly, and Jester in my friends. I found the source of the poison, and have found a guide in a parental figure who is eerily similar to Caduceus. I have discovered I am Not A Girl, through being stripped of my childhood reputation. I have cast out my Sword of Fathoms, and I’m finding a new place, literally, closer to the ocean, closer to home.

I feel I am mid transformation, I’m in the seaweed cocoon, I’m on the crest of receiving my own metaphorical Star Razor. I’ve always wanted to be a Paladin in a real world sense, I’ve always had an affinity for them, paragons, textbook “vanilla” heroes (Link, Captain America, you name it) which is something I feel Fjord emerges from his own darkness to become. I want to believe in something and be someone people believe in and are inspired by, I wanna help people by Being. I want that quiet strength Fjord has made for himself, that vulnerability he is now comfortable expressing, I don’t want to be a burden. I want to be who shows up when someone prays for a miracle, and not at the price of poisoning myself like felt I had to to make change.

All that being said, Fjord, by the end of his character arc, is very much the kind of man I want and aspire to be. From a CR cast member I barely even took notice of and gravely misjudged from campaign one. I will miss this character and this campaign dearly and continue to soak up as much wisdom from his journey as I can.

In summary

Travis Willingham, Fjord Stone,

Thank you.

[colorseeingchick]

Hey Can I ask for a self ship date pls ? I’m a 18yo girl who is 173 cm of chaos and my heart has been stolen by Kise Ryouta from KNB 😩.

We may be very different, he’s more of a warm and a social person while i’m cold in the clouds and ambiverted but his smile, his laugh and how he’s dedicated in basketball made me lose it. I find his whole personality interesting even the more cold and ugly parts of him and he has the pretty face for him too but i’m not the kind of person who can just fall for apparence. He have such a voice too 😳 He has that charming aura, playful but yet still lighthearted and funny. He being two-faced surprisingly don’t bother me that much somehow i understand from where hes coming from. I relate a lot to his overachiever and need to handle all things himself to the point of hurting. As a basketb fan i am also enamored w his way of playing, i gen think he is the best of gom he always do his best to the point of barely breathing and honestly i relate to this too when im into something i love. His quick learning abilities are hyper and i like how Kise try to be honest w himself. I like also the balance he have w masculine and feminine energy and don’t mind him being a dork. His relationship w others characters are gold too like w Aomine and i can see him showing me affection to my touch starved self and just general affection i lack in general even if i don’t say it. Also i can imagine a certain dynamic between us where no one is the lead of the couple but we’re on equal terms.

Now more about me i am an ENTP 8w7, I am independent, creative, honest, prideful and « generous » i don’t think that last one much but my close one describe me like this. I’m very curious, likes experimenting and new things. I am funny/sarcastic, playful and as it iam very memeable but surprisingly top student here who doesn’t behave like it at all both in class and just in general. My aesthetic is a weird mix of everything i love so i am both a tomboy, alt and a baddie somehow. I am into law and economics studies and can talk french, korean and spanish as i learn languages in my free time by myself. I do read, write, draw and listen to music, play all sort of games including sports, get on a walk from time to time, eat cuz food is delicious and just learn in general. I have kind of ✨trust issues ✨so i don’t have many friends. But you sure will have fun w me ! I don’t about chill i have some temper but sure im pretty cool and open minded ! In love i really am a mess, i’m easily flustered but act cool to hide it and because of that i look like someone confident and mysterious except i am not the first one and ugh im lowkey a tsundere so it’s difficult to assume my feelings. But i swear i try !

Thank you for reading me ! I hope i didn’t bother you much.

You didn't bother me at all hun! This was a lot of fun to write so I hope you enjoy :) I think I have a pretty fun date planned for you two if I do say so myself hehe.

Premise: Kise got to know you throughout high school, and saw you as different from his other fangirls. Even though it wasn’t basketball, you also stood out at the top of your class, making you noticeable to Kise. You were actually a good friend (a cute friend at that) and he decided that he wanted to take you on a date during your 3rd year (once the basketball season was over and he had time to make for you). Knowing how fun you are, he had the perfect plan.

As you look into the mirror to examine your outfit, your phone buzzes with the “I’m hereeee ;)” text. You’d decided to lean into your tomboy vibes, given that Kise told you to ‘get ready to do stuff,’ which was not very informative, but exciting nonetheless.

As you walk out, you’re greeted by the blonde man dressed handsome as ever, a dark long sleeve shirt with fitting jeans, his silver hoop shining as the sun starts to set.

“Ready Y/N-chi?” He asks you, smiling as he overdramatically offers his hand for you to grab.

“Ready as ever~” you say as you grab his hand. He pulls you close and winks, flustering you right from the start.

“If I remember correctly, you said something about this being the best date I ever go on?” You take your chance to poke fun at him as well.

“Oh honey, it will be.” You can see the way his eyes shine and his mischievous grin as he walks with a nice hop in his step, guiding you towards the train station.

The train ride was pleasant, his hands protectively on your shoulder and a mean glare on his pretty features when other men looked at you or got too close, but his face was calm as he comfortably bantered with you (you on the other hand were quite unbothered by it all). Once you finally arrived at your destination, you found yourself in the lively district of the city, flooded with restaurants and shops all open late night.

“I forgot how beautiful this area is at night!” You can’t help but say as you look at all the beautiful lights and architecture.

“I had to take a pretty girl to a pretty place, you know?” He squeezes your hand as he drags you along once again, until you end up at your destination.

“I think this’ll be a lot of fun,” he says to you as he pushes open the doors to the arcade, letting all the dark lights and glowing games illuminate your sight.

He buys the coins for you both to play (He’d asked prior if it’d be okay for him to pay for you this date, and you’d agreed), and you set off to play all sorts of games.

It was a lot of fun for the both of you. While the games were enjoyable, playing them with him made it all the better. He also never missed an opportunity to flirt with you, and playing games made it easy. Both of you being overachievers, with Kise being a quick learner and you being open to trying new things made the experience amazing.

“Here, stand like this and loosen your wrists up for a better shot.” you both were playing the basketball game, and to no surprise Kise had absolutely killed it. Now here he is, helping adjust your shot. Standing behind you, he lightly adjusts your waist, turning you a little bit to help your footing. His hands then move up to your shoulders, then down to your wrists, helping guide your form and placement on the ball. While you were learning from him, it was hard to focus with him this close to you. “Y/N-chi, you can focus on me later. You should focus on your shot for now.” He says lowly, teasingly, watching carefully as your face erupts into red. He really did love teasing you, the usually calm, collected, confident top student.

Admittedly, you feel like you got back at him when you watch him try the crane game (the ones filled with stuffed animals) and he couldn’t get it after 7 tries. The frustration was clear in his face, his impatience rising.

“This game is rigged, I know it!”

You ask to try and of course he complies. However, he’s not ready for you to get a cute little stuffed panda on your first try. Suddenly, he’s a lot more embarrassed than you were earlier.

“You definitely used magic or something.” His pout is both adorable and hilarious to you.

You laugh as you hand him the panda. “Here!”

Looking down at the panda and then looking back up at you, he asks, “for me? But you won it!”

“But I want you to have it. It’s cute like you, Kise-kun.”

A huge smile crosses his face as he pulls you into a hug, spinning you around. “Y/n-chi!!!! You’re so generous!! Giving me your stuffed panda~ I’ll take good care of it.”

You have a nice laugh as you watch Kise end the night out by playing Dance Dance Revolution, not afraid to be a bit flamboyant as he goes all out with the footwork and does really well at the game.

After collecting all your tickets, Kise takes you up to the rewards table, telling you that he knows exactly what he wants to get.

“And we have enough tickets for it! Great.”

You can’t help but smile when Kise points to the GIANT stuffed panda hanging on the wall.

“I thought you weren’t the type to return favors,” you recall what he said during a game with Seirin from a long while back.

He blushes, thinking about what he said. “I’m not, just one upping you,” he jokes, sticking his tongue out at you, letting you nudge him in return.

“Do you wanna get food, Y/N-chi?” He asks, his arm wrapped around your shoulder.

“Sure, from where?”

“You decide. I decided on the arcade, you can decide dinner.” He looks at you with a smile, thinking back on how fun the whole night had been. “But I get to decide dinner next time.”

“Next time?” You shoot back, eyebrows raised, a smile forming on your face. “Who said I’d go out with you a next time?”

At your comment, his smile falters as he stares at you for a good second. He gets all serious suddenly, pulling you close (with a giant panda pressed into your side) and making you look into his eyes. “Y/N-chi, would you please go out with me again? Tell me you will!”

Giggling, you smile up at him. “Of course, Kise-kun.”

He sighs out and hums in approval, before pressing a small kiss onto your cheek. “Call me Ryouta.”

~~

Ahhh I hope you enjoyed it! I tried to incorporate as many elements as I could! Please do let me know what you think <3 this was so fun!!!!

[horistans]

Please explain the detective au to us!!! I can’t read Japanese!!!! Thank you!! :)

Alright!! I'll Do My Best! I’ll be translating all the tweets released so far (from Nov. 20-26), but I’m not that fluent, so please be patient with me >.<;; I’ll also be taking some liberties to make it easier to understand in English so these won’t be direct translations. There may be multiple translations, so I welcome anyone else to also try to translate this! Mikoshiba also tweets in very casual speech, with lots of slang, so it’s possible I don’t properly translate some things.

To start, on Nov. 20, 2020, the Mikoshiba twitter surprised everyone by tweeting the following!

Nozaki told me to advertise our company on Twitter. I wonder there’ll be any effect from advertising like this is.

Well, I guess I’ll start next week, so look forward to it!

Employee Mikoshiba 

The same day, Mikoshiba tweeted a photo:

The photo was tweeted with the text:

For today, here’s the doorplate

The Kanji on the door plate read: Nozaki Detective Agency

The twitter then went silent for the next two days to build hype and curiosity to what’s going to come! And on the third day, Tsubaki-sensei finally gave us some context.

We’ve started preparing for Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun’s 10 year anniversary project for next year but... I was soberly shaken, saying,  “What...? 10 years...?“

What.... Wakamatsu hasn’t figured out the Lorelei mystery even after 10 years...?

That’s why the relationships have been slowly moving forward recently!

I’m realizing this after writing this, but Sensei says, “ ローレライのナゾ ”, literally the “Lorelei Mystery” or “riddle”... Maybe the AU will have something to do with that?

After this tweet, she RT’s the original Mikoshiba tweet for more explanation!!

Ah! That’s why, after 4 years (4years!?), Mikoshiba’s twitter is being used again.

This time it’s a Detective Parallel universe, So instead of a “Future Timeline” it’s a “Nozaki, somewhere in a parallel universe” story!

The project hasn’t started yet, so I might move some things around. Please take care of me! (or even Please be patient with me/look forward to it!)

(If you look at the time stamps, Tsubaki-sensei’s tweets were actually posted after the following tweet, Mikoshiba’s third update, but just to prevent confusion, I wanted to include the context here!)

This response is exceptionally long, so I’lll put a Read More here.

Since there’s still a year until the 10 year anniversary project, Sensei will probably continue world building through the Mikoshiba twitter... But there isn’t a set schedule or story line yet.

I was thinking about what to tweet about, but I think first I’ll introduce our employees.

Mikoshiba actually says, “I was thinking about what to advertise”, but I think “promote” or even “tweet” (because that’s more general) makes more sense here.

Either way!! After this, we’re introduced to the Nozaki Detective Agency Employees!! (Which is where that Hori photo came from :D)

First off is Nozaki!!

Representative Nozaki Umetaro.

23 years old. Manga artist-detective. His manga penname is “Yumeno Sakiko”

... Yeah... “Manga artist” and ”detective”. I don’t know what that means.

After reading a detective novel he thought “Detectives are cool!” or something It seems he started this office but still admires novels.

The last half of that was... really hard to translate (lol)... But hopefully it makes sense!

“If I solve a case, maybe someone will write a novel about it,“ he said, glimmering (hopefully/excitedly) No one is going to write it! (That’s not how it works!)

So then he said, “Ah, then I’ll draw it myself!” and started drawing manga. In this month’s issue, the heroine and her boyfriend had a date...

Huh? It’s a RomCom...?

So: Nozaki read a detective novel, thought it was cool and started an agency, then decided he also wanted to draw manga! So in this AU, he’s still a shoujo mangaka, but his day job is a detective (I guess LOL)

The next day!!! Is Hori-senpai!!

Employee 1: Hori Masayuki, age 24

He and Nozaki first met in high school, where he was his senpai. He’s generally really capable so he’s been a huge help after coming to our office!

The last sentence is... too hard for me to translate correctly (primarily cuz of the verb is kinda weird and the sentence subject has kanji I don’t know how to translate aa....) 

But with my shipper heart, I personally read it as:

He often finds himself bickering with the one he likes, one of Nozaki’s guys! Ridiculous!

This may just be my own wishful thinking though, so please don’t take that as accurate lol

**EDIT** I asked someone else, and this is what they said

So a better, more accurate translation:

In Nozaki’s case, he only gets involved if he’s interested in it! Ridiculous!

In a similar fashion to Nozaki’s, he responds to the original tweet with more dialogue!

I’ve recently gotten used to talking with him but Why does he compliment my face so much?

He sometimes tells me, “It’s too bad“ What does that mean...!?

Up next is Waka!!! Here we start to deviate from what could be a potential future timeline, to a parallel universe (like Tsubaki explained)

Part-timer Young Wakamatsu, Age 17

He’s a high schooler living in Nozaki’s neighborhood. It must be fun working part-time at our company.

Seems he recently tried horseback-riding. How bougie! ...I wonder what happened to the flower arranging class I used to attend...

Wakamatsu’s name here is actually written as  “Wakamatsu-shounen” (lit. Wakamatsu-boy) and I just considered removing the last half, but remembered how it’s handled in BNHA lol

Even in this AU, seems like Waka’s a rich boy!!!

also forgive me for translating that as bougie I couldn’t resist

And today’s tweet! Features Mikoshiba!

Employee 2: Mikoshiba Mikoto, Age 22.

This is me. I met Nozaki in college and somehow... it’s become like this. At the agency, Nozaki, Hori-senapi, and I are in charge of different requests.

Thinking about it, they’re all kinda feminine.

Wait, I still attend group dates! Even last week, I met with 3 women!!

Aaaa, Mikoshiba’s casual speech is hard for me to translate, so I apologize if this is wrong as well.

Eh...? What...? I got caught....

It was a game!! A depressing game!!

Employee introductions are now over I’ll tweet if anything else happens!

(Although, if there’s crunch time for Nozaki’s manuscript, I’ll be out of reach)

And so, that’s all the updates we have so far :) I hope it makes enough sense!

for TLDR; In preparation for GSNK’s 10 year anniversary, Tsubaki has started using Mikoshiba’s twitter to run a Detective AU! We haven’t seen any of the girls yet, but so far Nozaki, Mikoshiba, Hori, and Waka have been confirmed as the main characters/the employees at the Nozaki Detective agency.

Given context clues, I’m guessing the “mystery” will be the mystery of Lorelei, but that’s just speculation.

If you want to keep up with the tweets, I recommend following Mikoshiba on twitter (@/mikoshiba0214) and turning on notifications! We’re also talking about it often on the fan discord~ (link in my Updates tab, or you can add me on Discord and I’ll send you the invite directly)

[techouspeaks]

Short Review on Ducktales 2017

With it’s cancellation announced, I take a look back on the reboot and share my final thoughts on it.

Now, a while back I did say that I didn’t care too much for the show, that I couldn’t get into it, but that was when the first or maybe even second season came around and I wondered if my thoughts changed over time after watching some episodes.

What are my thoughts on it? About the same...-ish. I dunno if I stated this before but I always felt that the 2017 reboot was trying to be too edgy and what I mean by that is that it tries to do more of the Darkwing aspect and often seems to put too much action when Ducktales was more about adventure than action. I mean, sure in some episodes they do stop a bad guy or they save the world in the old show, but they kept this more humble and light hearted feel to it and overall, kept it more of an adventure than just action. All the characters are always pumped up for action and adventure and craziness and not enough seem to be in between that. I especially didn’t like what they did with Webby because she felt like a Gosalyn 2.0. I don’t mind strong female and flawed leads but I felt like 2017 DT was always afraid to show a full on nurturing character, especially a female character. 

Don’t worry, we’ll get to her in a minute!

Take Flora from Winx Club. 

Her nature is kind, loving and nurturing. She’s completely feminine and vulnerable too. However, she can be pushed to her limits especially when she realizes she’s been taken advantage of and she’s useful in terms of magic and her nurturing side is seen as a strength since she can heal others and take care of things when it’s time for relaxation.

In DT 2017, all the female characters are strong and do have a nurturing side too but there aren’t too much of variety. They’re usually tomboys and as a tomboy myself and gender fluid, there’s nothing wrong with that but I like variety. I don’t think all female leads have to wield a sword or desire action all the time. Sometimes the greatest strength can come from say a seemingly “weak” character because their kindness and even loving nature is their strength and as long as they seem to be useful in some regard and have a brain, I don’t think it’s bad. I think what people assume feminism is that you can’t have even one or two female characters that aren’t bad ass action packed girls and that’s not really what it is. Basically there’s hardly any balance of female characters or even characters in general. They’re all about the same always crazy and pumped up characters or they’re too serious. 

Louie is kinda not so much that but he also comes across as whiny especially since his actor is clearly a man doing a kid voice and more often than that I don’t mind it, but their voices for all triplets sorta grated on my nerves and even though I appreciate making the triplets different and having different voice actors, they still kinda sound the same and when they whine it actually hurts my ears. If you don’t have child actors, maybe settle for a woman doing a kid voice. Least even when it’s sorta noticeable it’s not as annoying and yeah I get it. The voices of the old triplets were annoying too but least they sounded their age. I always felt like their voices in the reboot sounded like a man getting strangled whenever they shouted.

Than you have Gyro in the 2017 reboot. They took what used to be this humble, shy friendly male character and turned him into a hipster jerk! I mean come on! Look at his get up! The moment someone sees him they’re gonna know the show was done in the late 2010s. He’s not settle in that appearance and his attitude. He’s so full of himself too! I absolutely HATED that! He’s not even like how Darkwing was full of himself, where he was full of himself but because it was sorta childish full of himself, he came out as charismatic! 2017 Gyro is just...Stuck up, jerk full of himself. I mean, yes he has his kinder moments sometimes but if you’re gonna do strong, action packed female leads, why not make some of the male leads have a humble, shy side? You could go Flora with him and made him sweet and nurturing but still very brilliant. That’s what Gyro was! And I know they wanted to change him up but they didn’t change Scrooge all that much, so I don’t see why they couldn’t have kept Gyro the way he was!

What made the old DT good and even timeless was the fact most of the characters were more humble, the show had a humble feel and I get that the new series characters can be too but the thing is they CAN be, but not most of the time. It’s not their complete nature and yeah that makes them seem rounded in some ways but it also can take away what made the old show welcoming.

And again, I feel like the show is trying to be a bit too action packed and not enough of the adventure or mystery. It seems like the characters are always on edge and ready for anything and again maybe trying to be too much like what Darkwing was instead of more of it’s own thing. Though, again, this is just my opinion and maybe I’m just trying to explain more of the feeling of why I can’t get into it as much as others do and I’m not a nostalgia purest either! I really do try to be open minded with new things! I do even like some of the Disney remakes even if they’re not perfect or no way close to the original. Shoot, another reason that could be is while I did like the original DT, I wouldn’t say I was a die hard fan of it either. In some ways, I think even the original DT can be overrated and wish other shows of the old days got more attention.

Color pallet and art style is okay. I kinda miss the more colorful pallets they used but by no means is awful. It goes make the colors they want to pop out do pop out so it does it’s job. I just think it could have a bit more brighter colors.

Now does that mean I hate DT 2017? No! Far from it! As much as I complain about certain aspects of the show, there’s a lot to enjoy too and even the aspects I don’t like about the reboot, I can understand and get why others may like it. I can admit when something just simply doesn’t do it for me but by no means makes it awful. I do really like Della Duck, despite being another crazy tomboy! She kinda reminds me of me in some ways except for the fact I’m not adventurous in that way and I hate traveling due to anxiety.

I think why I like her the most instead of the other female leads is just she feels more genuine to me. I feel like with characters like say Webby or some of the other female leads, they were like “See! We got a crazy tomboy gal! We’re going against the gender norm!” and focus too much of that and not enough of just making a female strong lead for just simply making a good character.

 With Webby, I felt like they were trying too hard to go against the gender norm. Like “Look, she’s totally not the old Webby so you gotta like her! She’s smart, she’s over the top and total geek!” Which, with her I found kinda cheesy and almost fake. I know that’s kinda harsh to say and I kinda feel bad saying it, cuz I know people like this version and I don’t hate the character, I just couldn’t get into her character and again, it felt like they made her the way she did because of the SJW appeal and not out of honesty. 

(Note: I’m not entirely against SJW since I do agree with some stuff, but I’m not completely for them either. Put it short, I put myself in between AntiSJW and SJW as I always believe in being more balance especially when it comes to certain topics, thus being fair to both point of views.)

While with Della it felt they just honestly wanted to make her a good character and really funny too! I also like the fact she’s an adult and admits to her mistakes and tries to do better. That’s how you make a strong, GOOD female lead.

(Disney, take freakin note when doing your live action remake female leads! Lookin at you Mulan 2019!)

And lastly, the stuff with Darkwing Duck, YES! I loved it! Anytime they do something that had to do with Darkwing Duck I was down for! I felt like I did when I was watching Darkwing Duck back in the old days! Took me back to my childhood days! I even started to like the new Gosalyn! Like I was with everyone else and wasn’t sure if I liked it but she really grew on me! I really do like her and I’m all for the new remake of the show if it starred these characters!

And I think that’s why I felt this sort of action pack and kind of edginess with the characters fit more with Darkwing Duck than it does with Ducktales. When they did Darkwing Duck it’s fine because Darkwing was about that. With Ducktales, it’s okay but it also feels a bit out of place for me anyway, cuz I always associated the old show with adventure with more humble characters.

So how would I even rate Ducktales. I would probably rate it around a 6 or 7 out of 10 stars, if I had to rate the show at all. It’s not bad and the stuff I don’t like really has to do with more of a personal opinion, rather than something I find wrong with the show. I do recommend seeing it at least a few episodes before drawing a personal opinion and if you have kids that like action and adventure, I know for sure they will get into it.

[toastedbuckwheat]

Inktober 2019 - day 16

Self portrait, because it was an important day. 

Had my first appointment with the gender doctor!!

It wouldn’t have happened (or certainly not so quickly) without your contributions and support. Thank you so much. You guys are a blessing and I never expected so much help! 

It means now I can finally do my *first transition update*

My hair was a bit more presentable than pictured above when I got to the touristy heart of London and sat in the (surprisingly posh, my mind of a poor art graduate was blown) waiting room to have my first consultation. If you wanna know which doctor did I go to or know more, please drop me a message; I just somehow don’t feel comfortable operating with names of respected medical professionals so openly on my fanart blog. I don’t think I need to describe how nervous I was - today had a potential to either be the best day of my life (in unlikely circumstances of getting hormones prescribed there and then) or at least a step towards a better life, finally.

It was both slightly difficult and very relieving, that meeting. Mostly her trying to get to know me, asking loads of general questions rather than doing a dry box ticking exercise that I expected in that situation. Taking her time.  I was surprised when she mentioned she had concerns about me reaching out to her for testosterone and not making the top surgery my first step, seeing that I identified as non-binary (the exact opposite of how the public gender clinic approaches the situation!) - and that she had not had good outcomes who took that route. I think it got clarified when I mentioned that a desire to have a surgery first was the original reason why I contacted the GIC (Gender Identity Clinic - the public one) two years ago, and while waiting to be seen by them (as I ranted before, it currently takes 2 years to get to a first assessment) I realised that there were other things that affect how I feel about myself on a daily basis- such as my voice, the fact that I do not pass if I wear anything remotely feminine etc - I basically decided that I did in fact need hormones, and it would be a long route to even get a smell of it through the strained National Health Services. It is worth mentioning that she is respectful of the non-binary identity and attempt not to make it more difficult (the GIC do, apparently?), however - how I understood it at least - she tried to exercise pushing me into binary for the sake of finding out whether hormones are what I really want, because of course taking it wouldn’t really leave me ‘in between’ and whether we want it or not, people do immediately categorise us as male or female. Her take was that being on testosterone, after certain point at least, would push me the other side, so she wanted to find out whether I would for instance be comfortable if people suddenly started calling me ‘he’. I of course exclaimed something along the lines of ‘hell yes??? i would be comfortable, please may I be a he???’, but I understand the concern. It wasn’t in a ‘you briefly mentioned you could describe your gender as enby, I will now deny you HRT’ way, not at all. It felt more profound and caring.

One thing that made me very nervous is the fact that she wanted me to change my name by deed poll. Now, I would have done it long time ago had I known it was legal for me to do! But I am not a British citizen yet, so changing my name and all British documents would result in a conflict with my Polish passport. Which I wish I could change, but as there’s no other way to have your sex reassigned in Poland but by taking your own parents to court (which in my case also requires a lawyer to represent my deceased father whom I never met)  over mistakenly assigning you the wrong sex at birth or however else should I formulate this bullshit of a law - I can’t do it just right now. Yes, you don’t just go there and tell them you’re trans - you sue your own parents, despite being a grown up - and technically parents could make it difficult fot you. I don’t think I’m strong enough or have enough money to fly back and forth to a hostile country that treated me so badly just to follow this process. But if I do change my name in the UK now, this will have to be done asap. And the doctor, who said she’s advised that to multiple foreigners living here - says it will actually be required by the GIC as an important milestone in living in a desired gender role (screw that, I’ve been living in one for years, I just wanna be legal and use my passport, and Brexit is coming!!!)

Meanwhile, after 22 months of a wait about which I rambled multiple times, the GIC suddenly texted (!) me on Friday asking me to contact them asap cuz they might have a short notice appointment for me. I was at work til late, so I called them on Monday morning, just to discovered that the slot had been snatched. I was not particularly surprised by it. But then I got another call in the afternoon informing me that they had one more appointment available, but it was going to be this Thursday. That is, in a few hours from the moment I am writing it. I am shocked that I will finally be seen - surely no chance for hormones/surgery recommendation right now, and the next appointment won’t be in a year knowing how things work, but at least something!

So that’s it - congratulations if you’ve gotten to the end of it! I hope things progress soon; I am nervous AF but at least the ball is rolling now. 

I still do accept any donations from kind ppl who wish to buy me a virtual coffee - there’s a secret drawing of Aziraphale in the updates section that should be revealed upon making a contribution! Again, thanks to all of you who made things possible so I had something to write this long post about!!

and as always thanks to my dearest @mimimarilynart who is always here for me and somehow hasn’t died from listening to my rants yet. Thank you for being so supportive all the time <3

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

@the-crows-have-teeth replied to your post: Ok well I’m having a bad time at 3 AM because I...

Wait what’s wrong with that game? I love it �� please inform me

I’ll just tell you the stuff I personally find questionable because I don’t want to spread more of the just super unconstructive “callout” crap at this point. You can make up your own mind about it or continue to live in blissful ignorance if the game brings you joy. (Especially since it’s free. I’d be more wary of supporting things that were sold. But I suppose some might make the argument that publicly supporting the game is already bad enough. Be your own judge.) I think it’s vital to be critical of the things you enjoy but it shouldn’t veer into shaming people or hating yourself for enjoying it. No creation or creator is flawless. If we were to wait for a perfect piece of media to fall into our laps none of us would be making or experiencing or enjoying literally anything ever. That being said: 

1) The romance options feel very fetishy to me at times? It’s very clear the devs were interested in writing male romance options and male romances primarily and tacked on a token female option plus a suspiciously-man-looking NB option (HEADS UP: I WILL GO INTO THIS IN A LATER POINT AND I’M ALSO NON-BINARY MYSELF SO FEEL FREE TO DISAGREE WITH ME BECAUSE I MYSELF DON’T QUITE KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS.) 

2) The writing is quite bad in many places, but this is a question of taste, I think, and isn’t really “problematic” per se. 

3) The designs of the Characters of Color are ... well they’re ... this is also gonna be controversial I think but they’re basically white folx with a different skintone slapped on. Their features remain strictly white European. There are IRL PoC who look like this but the majority don’t, in fact the opposite (non-white features on pale/white skin) is more common. The tendency to design all your PoC like this is ... bad. It goes beyond but ties into sameface syndrome IMO. Some artists are genuinely not super skilled at drawing varied faces, but at some point you need to stop using white people as your references lmao.

4) Apparently one of the (adult) devs writes questionable fanfic porn? Which is like ... lmao what else is new. However, she seems to have a preoccupation with “teen sex” (legal but like barely legal, aging characters down for the explicit purpose of teen sex) and has defended some of it according to the “callout source”. There’s also apparently the fact that they had a minor working on a NSFW game, but I’m personally more interested in knowing whether they paid that minor or not, because I’ve played the game and it’s not explicit (there’s descriptions of gore and swearing but there’s nothing explicitly sexual or pornographic), so if this dev was an older teen I’d worry more if they got paid or not cuz child labor laws. 

5) The “nb rep” is debatable and I’m torn on it personally. Nonbinary people do not owe binary folks androgyny and saying “I’m NB” should be enough to make someone NB, regardless of how “masculine” or “feminine” they look. However,  knowing the dev’s preoccupation with hot dudes and focus on male/male romances, I’m less generous with my interpretation, because this enby is literally enby in pronouns only. It feels token, like Asra in The Arcana, who is NB out-of-universe only (another can of worms I don’t wanna touch tbh). Basically it’s the problem of straight women including “nb” options that are conveniently hot-dude-shaped and are dudes in all but pronouns. 

5.5) Building on the questionable NB rep and also the “bad writing” thing, the fact that every character, including the player character, instantly know each other’s pronouns despite only having met and exchanged names? It’s fucking weird and utopian at best (are people mind-readers? can they smell preferred pronouns?), absolutely unrealistic and token at worst. I get the desire to include diversity without making it a Thing but you can avoid making it a thing while still acknowledging it? Idk, it’s another one of those debatable things I suppose. 

6) There are some unfortunate stereotypes with some of the romance options, with the sexy suave vampire being a white dude while the angry and aggressive werewolf is a MoC. I picked up on this but I guess some of it was dulled because I genuinely liked the werewolf dude and felt like he was more than just an angry dog man, but I can see why people would disagree and I wish the devs had just not gone there instead of “making it work”, which is, again debatable if they did. 

In conclusion: I’m tired. 

[zoidham]

F!!RE - Devoted to Black Fashion & Lifestyle

ARTicle One:

Introduction. 

On Black Masculinity in Fashion

“Masculinity is not measured by your bicep size or sexual prowess but is a quality that is characterized by being affectionate, sincere, and responsible.” - Juwanza Kunjufu 

Hey Now kinfolk, I am Zoid Hæm, and in these personal letters I will be reflecting on the Black Lifestyle as it pertains to #Fashion, #Soul, and #Art. I have chosen the name F!!RE for this experience to pay homage to the young black artists of the Harlem Renaissance who shocked the world with a scathing peek into the mind of young and free black folks with their one issue magazine simply called Fire!!.(Source): https://bit.ly/2GwIIY0

Blackness, in its constant evolution is of my greatest interest, for as Arthur Jafa (@anamibia) said in his interview for I-D magazine with Virgil Abloh “…blackness isn’t just relevant to black people. It’s an ontological formation thats seeking to understand the world. It’s about the possibility for a different way to occupy earth, to exist in it. (Source): https://bit.ly/2m3ygzn

So here I sit at this cross section of fashion and soul, asking myself what does my external experience tell me about my inner world? And since the former spews out of the latter I see a fluid evolution spiraling up, beckoning at the fringe of our reality like an avant-garde symbol, hated and misunderstood like all mysteries shrouded in blackness. Excitement billows out of me, as my existence becomes a thorough definition of the contradictions in my black consciousness; like vines, unconfined by the square bricks of this society, I sprawl out, creating branches, bridges, and underground railroads, breaking out of learned labels and ushering a new wave. A wave filled with bubbles that when they touch, combine and crash on this countries shores of Thought, making us all the more unique and free.

“Cultivate your Uniqueness.” 

Free Hugs and Painted Nails:

Today's letter focuses in on black masculinity through the lens of fashion. It must have been the summer of 2011 when I sported boastful yet crude painted nails, and a small white button that said “Free Hugs". My body type was bulky, aggressive, and shouted, “Angry black man!" I had just finished my career in football, thankfully, and found myself hustling in the streets of New York City, as green as a rose stem among the grey concrete jungle, who's edifices and faces made me feel small, innocent, and utterly naive. 

Yet in this place I began to shift my image, first my thoughts, by asking any and all types why they are who they are. Mind you as the son of two preachers who never went to a house party or drank till college, even with my years at university there was still so much I didn’t know; but what I found is that when I approached folk they were always very guarded and unsure. I always blamed racist propaganda for their hesitancy but then I began to think more about what my image was saying to them. To them and this society my look gave off certain triggers in them, and by them I mean all types from old, young, white, black, brown, men, women, LGBTQ, CEO, or homeless. Few if any paid me any mind, or quickly gave glance and turned the other way. 

Haha a hilarious anecdote that actually made me change my entire “costume” was that one day, walking out by Central Park I saw the actor Michael Cera! Yep, Mr. Superbad himself, I was such a big fan I blurted out as we came close to each other “Holy crap! It’s Michael Cera!” Haha and true to form, with a hilarious face and mannerisms he looked up, eyes widened, and immediately turned around, and scampered the opposite direction down the street. I was a little hurt and shocked, but still laughed. It was at this point I was like YO! What do they see?

I went home, a 6 floor walk up in Chinatown, and looked in the mirror and began to take some notes. Broad chest, big beard, long locs, rather run-of-the-mill black man, how boring! I knew inside me was something that defied all definition, that I was a spirit teeming with affection and love for my fellow humans and wanted to be able to sit and express with them. But what I typically was receiving was the energy of dismissal and guardedness. I had known this well from black women at university who used me as a whipping boy to take their frustrations out on all black men, while I received, in screaming opposition from white women, so much attention it felt disingenuous, for them any n!gga would do; but now this was pervasive… I realized that my presence scared people, and that they weren’t actually seeing the REAL me.

I paced in my small apartment unit, thumbing a small button in the jacket I just bought, mentally drawing up how I wanted to present myself. “Alright first we need to lose this weight, so we can fit into all these cool clothes, but also fit better in these rooms of artists and intellects, and then lets keep the beard and hair nappy, edge is important, but lets dress in chic cheap fashion, cuz we are super broke and are only going to be able to afford the thrift store…” As I was thinking I pulled out the button from my pocket and read what it said “Free Hugs” almost unconsciously I pinned it to my jacket and didn’t think much of it.

The next day was Friday and I typically made my way to the museums since they were free. I bought a bottle of FireFly ice tea vodka and headed to my friends pad down by wall street so we all could get faded and go see some art. As I was walking down the street, I saw faces smiling at me, and so I smiled back, not used to New Yorkers showing any emotion besides anger I was a little surprised but kept pushing. After hopping off the train, I turned the corner and a short portly jewish women threw  her arms up and said “Yes I need one today!” And gave me a big long hug. I just stood there shocked by this stranger squeezing me, like I was her grandson, but before the hug was over I retuned the energy. She smiled and walked on by. As she left I looked at my reflection in one of the wall street buildings and saw that I still had the “Free Hugs” button on my jacket, and smiled thinking, how bout that! A free hug trumps propaganda, age, fear, race, etc.  all they needed was the permission to show affection. 

Fast foward to half the bottle gone, and a small loft full of young, gifted and black artist, all dancing and singing to a Stevie Wonder record. I had painted a haggard green sweat shirt with the word Free Hugs in big red letters and donned it as I joined the harmonious voices that filled the room with the joy of a Friday afternoon. I went over to the kitchen to fill my glass, when I realized I had gotten some paint on my nails, and began to peel it off when my crush at that time, a stunning orange afro having queen said, "Naw leave it! In fact here!” She came over with some nail polish and painted quick little designs on my nails in green, red, and yellow. My first reaction was wait I can’t wear nail polish, but when I looked at my hands I became enamored, my how strange and unique, these dainty hands on a Rasta brute! This was just the right amount of contradiction and juxtaposition of strength and vulnerability I was looking for. Leave it to black women to bring a dream to reality.

And thats exactly what happened, when we hit the streets in that Friday sunset, New York finally saw me, and opened like the flowers in sunlight on the corner of Strawberry Fields. Over the next few months, my body slimmed, my smile grew, my nails where chipped and covered with color haphazardly, and hugs clung to my body like the tight fitting cheap fashion I found. But most importantly my thoughts began to change, because I was engaging with more people from all walks of life. I ask myself to this day, did the fashion open them up or me up? 

Fashion is metaphor touted as a mask, there to conceal or reveal our inner truth, and for me I found a unique edge to walk, one where I hold space with masculinity that only knows mixtape lyrics and football, as well as a space that spoke of Basquiat’s and Warhol’s, the fickleness of love in any gender or sexuality and the need for soul and romance. I am still the minority in most rooms I walk into, typically they don't know what to think of me, I hear little conversations in the corner, ”He must be gay, or bi, no no look he’s with ball players and gangsters, naw naw he has lots of girlfriends, yes yes hunny he can get it, but he curbed all of us and I’m fine so wats the deal, oh he’s different.”

Different… little do they know I’m just like them, expressing all that I am. Removing the labels and images and thoughts that society has forced upon me, left me blank a slate to be creative. Still I have much more to remove and redefine in this ocean of blackness that is my being. One can be masculine in a dress, one can be feminine in baggy jeans, lessen we forget #STONEWALL and what those activists fought for, the freedom of image. Culturally and generational things shift, the meaning we put behind garments and fabric is all made up, just like us; and no one need be ridiculed or shamed for making their fit…fit. So what are you wearing today? In any way, you look good on you.

Posivibes,

hæm

Credits:

Image one by @johnyu.co 

for Westword Artopia 2019