#I dont quite like it but I think it may work
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Sketch of another one of these bc who knows maybe I’ll slowly build a collection
#persona 2#p2#baofu#kaoru saga#smt#megaten#wanted to depict some flowers too#I dont quite like it but I think it may work#the fulbright one is my fave as a bookmark lmao aaaa
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dragon meat, you, and me
#marcille donato#falin touden#farcille#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#tw blood#tw body horror#tw gore#as a normal farcille fan this revival has been on my mind since i first read it and getting to watch it is like yippee!!#like messy revivals are everything - the consequences that will haunt u for the rest of the time they are alive#the initial hopeful moments where it all seemed well but quickly descend to That not being the case - losing not only the bit of evidence#evidence that your dream may work out but also someone you deeply care about in the process… marcille my Beloved#ofc wholly thruout the journey - at the forefront of it - getting falin back was the most crucial point but so wuickly :(( it was lost#on the other end its crazy to think about the compoments of falin now - human - dragon (dungeon) - marcille’s magic and desperation#the food the crew cooked (digested) - she is made of many parts!!#also i did not realize how medical it feels to draw smth like this. i dont usually explore the inner parts or use a lot of blood#in my work so rendering everything and looking up refs it felt quite magical (?)#ruporas art
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if you have the feeling this arc may feel incomplete or something is off, take into consideration fujimoto is doing it on purpose
From this 2021 interview with Da Vinci magazine. Fujimoto doesn't spoon-feed you the content, he never has and I think the charm resides in that he never will
#you can argue that this being done on purpose doesn't automatically make it good. but to me fujimoto can cook whatever he wants idc#you can like it or you can hate it. but that's how he chooses to narrate his work and again. i feel like i need to get inside his head#i like the way he thinks outside the box with stuff that some may not. again it doesn't make it “good” to you. but AGAIN that's subjective#so far i like this feeling of “that was IT?” because somehow it never quite is just that. idk how to explain it#part 1 felt messier in a way that somehow things made sense. part 2 is more structured but at the same time it isn't#things are happening. u kinda know why but suddenly they are not. and suddenly there's a clone somehow but maybe not#idk. i like stuff like that. ofc not everyone is gonna like it. but that's the beauty of art me thinks#now im gonna watch that movie because idk what it's about... sighs. i dont like movieessss i can't believe this man is making me watch movi#chainsaw man#csm#tatsuki fujimoto
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anyway HIIIII!!! i'm sorry for going inactive out of nowhere! i missed u guys, and i hope every1 has been doing well :> to be honest, i've realized this site makes me really anxious so i likely won't be coming back or being active like i used to be. i'll still keep my blog up, and might pop back in every now and then to say hi, but i probably won't post consistently or anything like that :<< however, i srsly love and value all the connections and friends ive made via this blog so much, all of u are so lovely, and ill miss u lots 💘 i am (embarrassingly) active on twitter, so if anyone has it, dm me and id love to be your mutual there! :D fair warning i talk a lot about my selfship, but i find that for whatever reason im just more comfortable there :} ((OH AND DISCORD. IF ANYONE WANTS TO EXCHANGE DISCS MSG ME!))
sooo yeah!! ueueue i dont know how to end this... wishing peace and love and f/o kisses for all my moots
#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#SOB...#slim chance i might make a new blog or something in a few months if i feel better... so if you see me around say hi for sure! :D#but for now im probably just sticking to twitter... its quite fun there#but truly i wish i could give a better reason for leaving - it's nothing that happened or anything like that !#its just an anxiety thing i dont even understand myself... it may be negative associations/memories or something - i can be pretty sensitiv#i think blocking n muting on here doesnt work as well as id personally like it to LOL.#but again it was rly just a culmination of things.. ive also gotten a job + been rlly busy at school !#so ya.... farewell for now!!!! xoxo
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girl who just so happens to be a giant hare 🐰
#pestilence#oc tag#fnaf#hastag hoemer#dont know if i wanna make her look sillier r keep her like. hare🐰#need to work on her fit tho i like the formal look but i want to differentiate it more at least a little :3#ALSO okayyy okay i have ideas for what he looks like w/o the suit too tho n i think its acktually quite clever 😁#okay so the head and neck r furry n normal. so are the lower arms and a lower portion of her legs too#BUT the other bits of her arms and legs r skinned and just raw muscle. the chest has a small bit of muscle directly under the fur but it#dissipates and then its just bone around the bottom of the ribcage and the abdominal cavity is open concept 😋 n u can see her organs n shit#thai is a visual callback to springtrap and also representative of williams inner.... evil so to speak. like he puts on a mask a gentlemanl#fascade but underneath hes still the same old rotten corpse<3333333 yaay<333333333333#may r may not draw that next but just know i have BIG PLANS 😁😁😁😁😁
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having a dni is alright but I feel like ppl will just ignore it, it's way more effective to just repel the ppl u don't want to associate with by being everything they hate
#99.txt#this is how i have transphobes stay away from me. i dont have to say dni cos they dont wanna come to my corner in the first placr#hopefuply this also works for attracting cool ppl to my blog#i hope to be around non judgemental ppl mostly. i try to be non judgemental#which i think i mostly am but ofc everyone needs work#may not show as much online cos i come here to bitch about stuff sighsjfjs#but i really want to be like that. unfortunately clashes with my weird psychological tick of always needing an enemy#i dont know why im like that.... but maybe i only judge my enemy but not most ppl#i mean ofc sometimes you have to judge someone or else u will be walked all over#but just like. for harmless stuff#also its weird wheh ppl follow me who have dnis that apply to me#how am i supposed to n i when you i'd in the first place. its almost as if the thing is pointless#also if i rly dont like someones vibe ill just block#i actually block quite easily but luckily i dont have to do it very often cos i dont usually have shitheads coming around me
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YIPPEEEEEEEEEE it is technically my birthday today. but not for most of yall because of timezones. wait until its actually the 26th please. goodnight
#i'll think of a funny post tmr#also gonna be real i dont understand how birthdays work im not quite sure what i'm supposed to be doing#birthday parties are only a thing if you have friends and also responding to birthday wishes feels strange as shit#because like people say it out of obligation and then by thanking them it feelslike being presumptuous and i may be overthinking it#im realllyyyy eepy today
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and when i live on my own ill be able to decorate like real life decorate ive never gotten to do that in real life b4
#like im not barred from doing it Nd i do like. a little bit kind of but its like. Idk my entire life is a very transient thing and im rly#rly rly not used to being in one place for a long time so as a kid we never rly decorated ever#and like obv i wont be Owning a house or anything like that so itll still have to be moveable but i can like. but furniture that i like and#stuff... ive never gotten to do that b4 even in um. wa. i didnt rly get to do any of the decorating even when i was in the actual house bc#him and the roommates umm. did all that. Okay well now ive sort of freaked it by making myself think of that so im going to go stare#longingly at the floorplan i did#bc umm. well ideally id like to move into one of the apartments thats right across the way bc theres a couple of apt buildings like right#there 5 min walk tops and one of the places Has an open one but no floorplan#i wont be movjng out for ages i just wanted to look at floorplans yk#but like i said no floorplans BUT theres one a bit further away not rly walkable bc its umm#youd have to walk on the interstate and stuff and um. no sidewalk and everything but theeeeeeeeee thing had a floorplan#still very close by like 2 min drive but yk. but i still did my little mockup floorplan with that apartment instead#i want it to be closeby so everybody can come visit and so that i dont die and explode . i dont rly want to continue living in this town#4ever once km like Normal and have savings and ive got everything worked out i wanna maybe move to chicago or something since il is better#for the transgenderisms. + ive always wanted to try living in a big city at least once and i think itd be awesome#but thats Ages and ages away like maybe 5 years depending on how good i am. weeee will see if 5 years in the future is like on the table 4#me LOLLLL 24 year old connor seems rly crazy to imagine. but anyways....#but itll be nice to move out and still be in town bc then i can have the same job yk . and maybe ill know how to drive atp and i can like .#buy a car ..or something . if i do know how to drive#which i probably should since this town very car dependent and i dont want my mom to have to drive me to work esp if umm. i dont live with#them ... im just rly rly rly rly rly fucking scared of driving but i know also in my heart that when i do know how to drive the bond between#me and that car will be crazyyyy like. idk how many of you followed me last year but you may remember my insane bond with angel my cart from#work and there was a lot gokng on woth that <- was Very delusional at the time and i was convinced that she was a sentient thing and had the#power to make my life better or worse if i upset her so i said good morning and goodnight to her every single day so that i could have a#good day . looking back on it probably was something to be concerned abt but whatever.... she is still my best friend and i do miss her#deeply#her bathtub and heater were my besttt friends when i was in wa LOL. i was quite unwell#bathtub is still in my room tho yayyy. heater lives with lamp now and angel is of course at my old job....#bathtub currently is holding a project i gave up on. everyone say thank.you bathtub im looking at her right now
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forced to end the bender and suddenly no longer have horrific constipation. eye opening rly
#tongue#shant elaborate on what bc im embarrassed#but i have literally no money rn and i also! blocked my dealer EVERYONE CLAP FOR ME#NOW!!!!!!!!!#im gonna try to be good for the rest of the week#bc at least then itll maybe make it easier to quit literally everything#bitch i barely smoke anymore. entirely bc my id expired#im starting to think cold turkey may work better for me than i give it credit for#but im like genuinely getting scared for a lot of reasons. not just the twitching and like my right leg and arm feeling Weird#and like if i keep going down this path i will get into worse shit and i dont wanna go out that way man#ive lost people to that#the less braindead i am the less likely i am to make impulse decisions#so like. yeah#shakes my ass
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hello my friends :) curious about your thoughts on this doll. there are more pictures if u scroll past the description but heres one
#i think i didnt like him when i first saw him. but then every time i looked i was like... no wait... maybe...#i did end up ordering him back in may lmao. or his head anyway. the fullset wasnt available (& i usually order blank anyway)#& i want to try a hybrid with a different body. if it doesnt work out ill probably just get his default one eventually#hes still on layaway... but also the order hasnt even come in yet. i expect itll probably be around when the layaway ends anyway#maybe a little sooner but i dont think ill be able to pay him off early so ill still have to wait until its fully paid to get him#but i wont be able to customize him until spring anyway so i dont really mind#i dont want to make him look quite the same but i think im going to try to keep the vibes similar at least
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I'm sorry I gave everyone the impression that I was gonna be active allie when I first joined this fandom 😔🙏🏿 I planned on it but I should have warned the masses that my life often loves to backhand me away from my interest.
#me my mine#TMI i joined therapy again recently and it's taking up all my mental energy and im trying not to quit it 😩🤞🏿#when i die the first thing im gonna do is rip god's throat out with my teeth for giving me all these PROBLEMS 🤣#shower thought of a (culturally) christian#also my name is not allie i just wanted the alliteration#i actually dont mind giving out my real name if i havent already but i feel like people would be uncomfortable with it#for reasons that are too long to tag but anyways im 99% sure ive said my actually name here at least 7 times#also in case it wasn't clear im not really christian#i grew up as an evangelical yes but it's been so long since me and my family have been active in religion#my dad likes to call us “spiritual” now#you may be thinking “user cloudbells whu do you overexplain so much when you're inactive for more than a coupoe weeks?”#and to that i answer “still working that out”
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Resisting the urge to carve myself a distaff from one of the evergreen boughs ive dragged home and learn medieval in-hand distaff spinning. Do i need to do any of this ? No. Am i happy with supported spinning ? Yes ! Am i probably gonna do it anyway ? ... also yes
#we talk a lot about the rabbit hole of fiber arts#but i dont think we talk enough about the rabbit hole of different spinning tools and techniques...#so far id say ive gotten proficient in drop spindling wheel spinning and supported spinning with russian style spindles#really want to get into either tahklis or charkah wheels#bc im gonna be visiting my wonderful fiancé in india and hes still gonna have work for most if not all of the time im there#so my plan is to spin a LOT. hoping to get really proficient in cotton spinning bc ive always really sucked at that#and then i really wanna learn medieval style spinning as well#if i was an academic i could easily see myself devoting my life to writing a book about spinning tools through the ages#i am so endlessly fascinated by it#but also really bad at research and have a pretty crippling case of dyslexia#i wanna try. all the tools#it always feels like the way to get closer to the past is to spin like them#since that has been THE constant human activity since quite possibly pre-homo sapiens times#i dont know how much cloth the neanderthals wove or if they were more inclined to use animal skins#but we do know they made yarn and they were good at it#sadly my hands cant do cordage. fucks em up in about a minute flat#but iirc we've found stone spindle whorls which may have been used for spinning#stone whorls can also be used for hand drills and fire starters and things like that so idk#anyway. i just want to know SO badly#spinning
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Did you fully take that "both of them want to bottom" comic from popular furry artist skunkes or ????
I almost didnt want to answer this bc u got their whole government name out here without slashes; I dont want them to look up their own name and see this silly blog 😭😭
I think take is an AWFUL strong word where nothing is even remotely traced or copied 😭😭😭 I like their art alot and I when i was thinking about this specific scenario i was like ‘i am so sure someone did a comic w this exact vibe 🤔’ I love them but um. I do not think he owns the concept of ‘two men want to bottom and they are unable to communicate that easily’
#answered#chattin#i didnt want to like#tag them or their art! i dont want them linked back to me somehow 😭#i drew it for a discord and even put the link back to that lil mini comic in there!#its a silly untagged comic! for a silly ship in a silly fandom 😭#AND its like their oc content#they dont need to see this nonsense waugg..#ive followed them for years; this is like QUITE literally what happens when you absorb art like that almost nonstop#nothing is original; everyone is inspired etc etc#i guess it just sucks bc the ask is so accusatory but this is so common?#i literally reblogged art someone did where they used expressions i drew and i thought it was cute !#and the dialogue for their comic was very clearly ‘person a does not bottom EVER and is making an exception’#but like the text is literally text i always use; and the art is literally just sketches ive always done?#being like ‘hey this comic made me laugh ALOT and the layout would work well for what im thinking of’ and at most mimicking the vibe-#-of one character is not. taking a comic 😭😭😭#i may delete this (current post) just bc their name is in the ask but like#:(#its just mean. i make comics all the time and oc art in my free time#but i reference a silly lil comic and its like ‘! did u STEAL this did u TAKE it this person is POPULAR do u think ur slick ???!!!!’ like???#please unlearn the idea that inspiration = mimicry and that mimicry = theft#um#do not message me off anon again bc i will just delete it. i only posted this bc im sure others thought of the same artist#but unlike u; was not weird about it
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I kinda feel like I'm falling apart
#woke up to get shouted at over dishes#and now im kinda having a crisis#i guess this is left overs from the other night#idk what im going to do#this last month or so ive been in a constant state of overwhelm#it feels like so much is happening always#and i can't relax#towards the beginning of last month i was having financial issues with school#i decided to work extra hours at work to pay for it#i eventually got those bills paid#but now im being expected to maintain that schedule on top of my schoolwork#every time i try to redo my schedule to where i get a fucking day off from school and work#i get fucking guilt tripped into just doing the same thing#which leaves me with very little energy to work with for my schoolwork#im barely scrapping by with my two classes#im terrified to find out what this next semester is gonna be#i have 5 classes in the fall#i may have to see if i can afford to quit my job to focus on school#otherwise it feels like i might just fucking die#i dont think my mom realizes the strain this shit puts on me on a daily basis#or maybe she does#and she just doesn't give a shit#idk#im pissed and im fucking scared#i dont know what im doing#and i don't know what im going to do#all i know is that im gonna have to start cutting things out of my schedule#otherwise it feels like this is going to kill me#personal#rant
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it
#I was in a relatively good mood today#work hasn’t been too bad and I get two days off starting tomorrow#(it’s rare for me to get consecutive days so I’m excited!)#plus my time off request for a weekend in may got approved and I’m super excited for the plans that are happening on that weekend#and then my roommate messaged me bitching about my cat and now I’m spiraling#hate everything hate myself anxiety levels skyrocketed feeling the intense need to upend/annihilate my entire life and start from scratch#questioning anyone who has ever said they care about me etc etc etc and it’s like wow! because of one vague text message!#this is not a normal response haha! and now that I’m aware of that#I’ve become a lot more intensely aware that these insane mood drops actually happen quite frequently for me#issue is to do anything about this I need to see a psychologist (which I’m trying to work on anyways)#but the only diagnosis I have is for adhd and idk how to go into psychiatric care like#PLEASE PUT ME ON MEDS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT ME ON DRUGS AND I DONT MEAN LIKE 10 MILIGRAMS OF PROZAC TYPE SHIT#GIVE ME MOOD STABILIZERS OR AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC OR SOMETHING I AM BEGGINGGGGG I CANT FUNCTION LIKE THIS ANYMORE#I’m also mildly concerned (being afab) that if I go in pursing certain diagnoses I’ll get slapped with a bpd diagnosis#(and obviously I don’t mean that in the sense of bpd bad or I could NEVER have bpd or anything like that)#(I just mean I really don’t think I have bpd and I don’t want to be approached from the angle of needing treatment for that cuz I don’t#think it will help. if I have ANY cluster b disorder it’s def aspd lol. lmao.)#but. yeahhhhhhhhh. I’m tired of this and I’m tired of having no treatment and being in medicated#I’m tired of pretending I can function like this forever cuz obviously I can’t lol#and eventually (probably soon) it’s gonna burn me out and I’m gonna crash so hard and uh. bad things are gonna happen 😭#kaz rambles
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