#I dont personally resonate with it and it doesnt make me happy

[starswordneo]

Late night murmurings, but I've veen just kinda thinking about furry stuff and myself, I respect furries hardcore and I enjoy furry art, but I don't really consider myself a furry tbh. I've been given the title a few times and I've always declined, only to have it pushed onto me harder.

I've tried doing furry stuff outside of drawing my friends ocs, but I still don't really like being called a furry, 'just doesn't fit me, y'know? I'm more then happy to just be me and support my fuzzy friends and not be considered part of the same community, I've just no interest in it, nor do I really want the moniker.

Like, I've read a lot of posts that you don't have to have a fursona, a fursuit or really anything, just say you are one and you are one. Well, I've tried and I didn't really care for it, so I guess I'm not lmao

[elfelt-valentine]

Why am i still drawing

[yes-i-exist-shutup]

DAMNIT

aftg fans may disagree on this one but kevin day and his most beautiful daughter ever

[n3xii]

pick a card - what do they feel about you?

this pick a card is intended for people in relationships or have romantic interests, it will tell your energy towards them, their energy towards you and what you share. dont force anything to resonate if it simply doesnt make any sense for your situation.

i do personal readings as well check my pinned post for details! one question readings coming soon <3

pile one- red heels

your energy: three of pentacles reversed

their energy towards you: 4 of cups

shared energy: 10 of cups

With the Three of Pentacles reversed representing your energy, there may be a sense of disorganization, lack of collaboration, or difficulty in working together effectively within your connection. This card signfies a lack of communication or feeling of working on the same page. You may be experiencing challenges or delays in building a solid foundation or achieving mutual goals with this other person. This card suggests that there may be a need to reassess your approach to teamwork and cooperation, as well as to address any underlying issues or conflicts that may be hindering your communication. The Four of Cups representing their energy towards you suggests that they may be feeling emotionally distant or disengaged in the relationship. I pulled the 6 of pentacles reversed to clarify the 4 of cups, honestly im getting that this person is not as invested as you are. the dynmics here are showing up unequally, and this is reflecting in the communication and energy of the connection. They may be experiencing a sense of discontentment or boredom, possibly feeling unfulfilled or uninspired by the current dynamics between you. It's possible that they are longing for something more meaningful or satisfying, i feel like they want more from this partnership but arent getting it, so they became disengaged. They may be struggling to find clarity or motivation. the 6 of pentacles reversed is telling me that they need to put in more investment in this connection so that they can get what they want out of it, instead of being disengaged. Despite the challenges however, the Ten of Cups as the shared energy between you both signifies a deep potential for emotional fulfillment, harmony, and happiness within the relationship. This card represents the ultimate joy and contentment that comes from sharing love and connection with another person. Together, you and this person have the opportunity to experience profound unity, love, and emotional abundance. This card suggests that your relationship has the potential to bring you both immense happiness and fulfillment, provided that you both willing to work through any challenges and nurture your connection with care and dedication. both people have to be invested, and both people need to be communicative about their role in the connection.

Pile two- red mansion

your energy: nine of wands

their energy towards you: the world reversed

shared energy: justice reversed

Your energy towards them is represented by the Nine of Wands, which suggests a sense of defensiveness, caution, and resilience towards this person. You may be feeling guarded or protective of yourself in the connection you have, perhaps due to past hurts or fears of being hurt again. The Nine of Wands indicates that you have been through challenges and obstacles, and you are now standing strong and resilient, but you may also be wary of fully opening up emotionally to this person. The World reversed representing this person's energy towards you suggests that they may be feeling incomplete or unfulfilled in the connection. They may be experiencing a sense of stagnation or inability to move forward, possibly feeling stuck or restricted in some way. The World reversed can indicate a lack of closure or resolution, indicating that they may be grappling with unresolved issues or unfinished business that is affecting their ability to fully engage with you. With Justice reversed as the shared energy between you both, there may be a sense of imbalance, injustice, or disharmony in the connection yall have. This card tells me that theres a shared energy surrounding fairness, honesty, or integrity that need to be addressed. There may be a lack of accountability or mutual respect, leading to conflicts or power struggles within the relationship. It's essential to address any underlying issues of injustice or imbalance and work towards connection where you dont have to feel guarded or cautious for yourself.

Pile three- red necklace

your energy: judgment reversed

their energy towards you: the lovers

shared energy: knight of cups

The judgement reversed here indicates a reluctance or resistance to embracing change. You may be struggling with feelings of self-doubt or indecision, which could be affecting your ability to fully engage with your partner. Judgment reversed suggests that you may be hesitant to confront issues or make necessary decisions, leading to a sense of stagnation or uncertainty towards this person..i pulled the death card as clairfication, this tells me that theres been a cycle that has come to an end in this connection, and this judgement reversed is telling me that you may be resisting this new chapter. you need to embrace what has changed and confront any decisions you need to make.

Their energy towards you is represented by The Lovers, which talks about a deep sense of connection, harmony, and mutual attraction. their energy towards you symbolizes a strong bond and romantic partnership based on love, passion, and compatibility. This tells me that they see you as their ideal partner or soulmate, feeling deeply drawn to you on both a physical and emotional level. Their energy towards you indicates a desire for unity and intimacy as well as good communication.

The Knight of Cups as the shared energy between you both signifies a romantic and idealistic atmosphere in your connection. This card represents a passionate and romantic energy, where both partners are swept up in the intensity of their emotions and desires. Together, you and your partner share the energy of the romantic journey, both are leading with your emotions and both are willing to communicate them. This knight of cups here tells me that although you both share mutual feelings, there is still room for them to develop more in the future.

[elulsdr]

WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU?

PILE 1 PILE 2 PILE 3

hey guys, it's my first pac ever so i would love to have your feedback. this pac also has random messages too rather than what do people think about you.

it's mainly about the messages i got. i hope it resonates⭐️ (i swear i'm better at personal readings LMAO)

PILE 1

people think you're very self oriented and love to have the power over them. maybe you have leader qualities and they can see that. i'd say they think you're more likely to choose logic over emotions. they think you're def the overthinker one. they know you know you're worth and know when and what to say something. they can feel that you like to be seen as cold hearted and powerful. in your head being numb equals having power. people think you're very materalistic as in, whatever you wear you make it seem expensive. people think you're very soft inside but don't let a lot people in. sometimes they can sense that deep down you're really insecure and they can see the other side of you. where you're not sure of anything you do, you don't trust yourself enough. sometimes you come off as really complex and a lot. you seem to be stuck on something. you want to let it go but can't really do it cause you get used to it. so that's why people can sense your imbalance energy. you could be indecisive or air headed these days. still, people know you have the strength to get over it. you could intimidate people at first but when they see the real you -which you dont show it to many they love it. maybe you got hurt on the past, that's why you put a mask like that. you could be very obsessive, and passionate about the things you love. you come off as competitive too.

PILE 2

oooh my broken heart pile.. if you recently gone through a breakup, doesnt matter if it's romantic or friends. people see youve been thru ALOT. you show it to everyone whether youre aware of it or not. people can sense the broken energy. you keep trying to explain your feelings? or what happened between you and the other person and they're like, can she move on already?? but it's cruel to think like that. cause i feel like this relationship somehow connected to your inner child. maybe the relationship helped you with healing your inner child that's why you felt those emotions that hard. people think you're sensitive and a romantic. everything i said was in the past, your energy now seems very refreshing and stepping ahead. also i have a really bad headache rn, are u ok? take care of your health and make sure you sleep enough. you have many sleepless nights. anyways, people see your steps to a better life. although you might got addicted to the new me concept and ignore everyone who tries to help you or tries to talk to you. you're like, i don't want your help i've been by myself all this long i can take care of myself from now on. they are a bit annoyed by this. they think you're a bit stubborn. DEF a hopeless romantic. don't try to burden everything and try to move on with your life asap. take your time to heal. and take people's help -only the ones who really care tho. aww i just got the 3 of swords. pls keep your precious heart safe bby. your love is enough and you will find someone that loves you as much as you love them. (wow pile 2's photo says the exact same thing, i didnt mean to do that lol)

PILE 3

hey pile 3, why do you feel so alone even if you're out with your friends? you like to ask people for advice but somehow you don't trust them as much as you trust yourself. i mean good for you but people -maybe your friends can tell that you're faking your feelings sometimes? maybe you feel the need to be happy around everyone even if you feel like shit. they can tell that. there's this person you are stuck on. it seems like you arent able to let them go. people really wonder about you guys. you could be a heartbreaker too. you and your friends are sarcastic people. people could get annoyed by the fact that you guys have fun lol. people think you have it all and you will have it all. they dont like the fact that they cant get a piece of you, your space, your time. it's like, there are people who want you but you got someone else on your mind who you seem to cant have. you like to learn more and more. you're very smart and people like that. but there's just this unknown people love about you. you have the friends, you have the grades, you have the face but what is it that makes you sad(?) and broken? people wonder the shit out of this lmao and you don't give them a chance to understand it. you tend to zone out a lot during the day and your thoughts makes you go nuts. people just seem to curious about you. they don't know enough. the more you don't give them the chance the more they wonder. people feel that you have tons of other shit to do than answer their questions. they know they don't deserve to steal your time like that.

[natsmagi]

sorry for making yet another textpost but i came across that post saying they dislike transfem natsume because he "canonically hates being perceived as a girl and tries to erase all sorts of memories related to that" and also went on to shame genderbends of him aswell. So, as someone who not only draws genderbends of natsume but is myself someone who is nonbinary and hates being perceived as a woman, i thought id offer my two cents

first of all; i think its important to note that natsume does NOT hate his childhood. in fact, hes quite happy that he had such an unusual upbringing!

what natsume hates is being perceived as weak. thats why he was raised as a girl after all, it was his mother trying to protect him from evil spirits. he doesnt hate the whole "-chan" or "wearing dresses" thing because he has a hatred for womanhood, its because due to his upbringing hes now come to associate those things as being weak. he begs tsumugi to forget about it because that means tsumugi remembers natsume being weak, and natsume thinks tsumugi still referring to him as "natsume-chan" means he still sees natsume as weak. (iirc natsume did however once say that he is a little sad that he doesnt really know how to relate to young boys due to this in poltergeist, but i couldnt find the exact quote. either way that just adds to the complexity of natsumes relationship with his childhood, because while he is happy to be "abnormal" in that sense, it has left him lacking in some areas)

i have to ask though, should this conflict of his not be something we hope he overcomes? should we not want him to develop a healthy relationship with various gender expressions? should we not want natsume to overcome his belief that feminine things = weakness? i want natsume to reach a point where he can wear feminine clothing and not feel like some damsel in distress because of it. i want natsumes character to grow. i want him to develop a positive relationship with his gender because natsume DOES enjoy some more typically feminine things, like baking! he used to bake with his mom when he was little! and i want him to feel like he can indulge in that side of him without feeling insecure.....

i LOVE transmasc natsume, my primary hc for him is transmasc nonbinary after all, but with all these things considered, shouldnt people be allowed to headcanon him however they want? if they hear his story and negative relationship with femininity and how that resonates with them and they themselves are transfem, should they not be allowed to hc him as such too?

which brings me to my next point; my own personal relationship with gender and femininity. i was raised as a girl and i fucking DESPISED womanhood. i hated everything about it. i hated how i felt forced into a box i didnt want to be stuck in, and i hated how it felt like my whole life had already been planned out for me due to societal expectations, aswell as me needing to present a certain way. i was peak "tomboy" growing up, constantly wearing super baggy clothes and wouldnt even brush my hair alot of the time. but despite that i remained miserable. i frankly hated how i looked and would constantly dye my hair vibrant colors in an attempt to make me like myself a little more. it wasnt until i realized "wow, im actually not a girl at all" that i finally let go of believing i needed to look a certain way (and thus, defying it) and started to dress for myself. i started to dress in clothes that made me happy and feel pretty! alot of which leans feminine, but clothes doesnt have a gender, and how you dress doesnt define your gender either, but it can still be a bit scary yknow? especially since i dont want people to think of me as a girl, and drawing a bunch of femstars has really made me learn to love myself more in a funny way. i can put these characters in clothes i think are beautiful, i can explore the more feminine parts of me that i adore but dont want to express in public due to how i want others to perceive me, but it has also warmed me up to femininity even more. because femstars to me feels detached from the expectations of society because its not a real thing!! there are no canon femstars designs!!! i can do literally whatever the hell i want with it and its been so liberating to me!!

all this to say; i think it really sucks seeing the way this fandom treats transfem hcs and explicit genderbends, because like ive said before; they can truly be something so personal. you dont know why that person is drawing what theyre drawing, so its a little unwise to make assumptions based on ........ Well, whatever it may be. i know very well that women dressing the way society expects them to SUCKS, esp if you have personal ties to it, but you have to realize the issue isnt femininity, but misogyny.

[fefairys]

I just read up to the breakup with Meenah and Vriska and fuck, i really dislike that whole situation. Got any thoughts you wanna ramble about regarding that?

OKAY I FINALLY GOT HERE IN MY REREAD.

god yes everything involving meenah and (vriska) and the vriska (vriska) confrontation is extremely fascinating to me. mostly because i resonate with a lot of it so hard it hurts. long ass post below. i got very personal lol what can i say. i vriska.

(vriska) goes into people-pleasing mode when she and meenah are alone. it actually reminds me of how she would sometimes act with kanaya. the vulnerability, mainly. but like. its a little different. with kanaya it was more like 'youre the only bitch around here i respect, but im still better than everyone else. i want you to like me but i dont NEED you to! (<-lie)' but with meenah its like 'you are the only person i have and so i have to be good for you so you dont leave me.'

she backs down super easily with meenah. sometimes she does argue for herself, but ultimately she always ends up deferring to meenah. she wants to agree with everything she says. wants her to like her:

^ she doesnt want to say the carnival looks fun until she's gotten meenah's approval. she has to be cool for meenah.

her suggestion gets shot down and she immediately sides with meenah. oh yeah i didnt want to do that anyway in fact i hate horses!

it's tricky, because of some of it seems like actual Character Development, and her getting over some shit. and i definitely think these thinks dont have to be mutually exclusive. she can be realizing things about herself and moving on from them while at the same time falling into habits that are equally unhealthy for a person.

she realizes she used to care way too much about stuff and tries to counter it by not caring at all. she realizes she used to push people around to much and counters it by becoming a pushover herself. this is sickeningly relatable to me.

the scene where meenah convinces her to get a tattoo is a good example of this.

she realizes that a long-held opinion she had is actually kind of bullshit, and that she cared way too much about it for no reason. good job, vriska!

but then she pretty much leaves the actual decision of it up to meenah! she asks meenah to tell her what to do instead of thinking for herself. she justifies it by agreeing that she loves pirate stuff anyway! shes trying to make up for a lifetime of bossing people around by asking someone else to boss her around. and she convinces herself that this is making her happy! and i mean it definitely is, in a way. it feels good to feel liked by someone. to have the approval of someone you look up to. it is making her happy. but is that... good for her? i dont know! it doesn't feel good to me.

this stuff is hitting me extremely close to home on this reread because i like JUST came upon the revolution that i kinda did this? not to this extreme polarity, but it still resonates.

i was (kind of am still, it's in my nature) a very bossy and controlling person, and i lost an entire circle of friends because they were rightfully tired of me telling them what to do and being so self-righteous all the time. so when trying to make new friends after that, i turned on people-pleaser mode. and i'm kind of still stuck there and trying to strike a balance between being a doormat people-pleaser and being a huge bitch that wants everyone to behave how *i* want them to. it is a hard balance to strike. its hard knowing when i should stand up and say something and when i should let something go, so most often i let things go. and OFTENTIMES i live to regret it. "i should have said something" is something i've been finding myself thinking A LOT in recent months...

and its tricky, because it feels good when people i respect say they approve of me. i feel happy that someone likes me. but sometimes that has come at the cost of sacrificing parts of myself. and it can feel good in the moment, to feel connected to someone like that, but then one day you wake up full of dread because you dont know who the fuck you are anymore. (vriska) didn't really ever get to that point, or, she never voiced it. vriska points out that shes become an entirely different person, but she does it in a way that uhhh fucking sucks lol! and is not helpful, because vriska's not exactly doing great, herself! she shows off her hypocrisy DELICIOUSLY in this scene.

she calls (vriska) selfish for.... being dead, essentially. and she justifies all her own selfish actions with it being "for the greater good," just as she always has. this is par for the course with vriska

^ i looooove this part right here where she sidesteps the fact that she did in fact plan to go fight jack but john punched her in the face to stop her. "different shit happened!" (i actually made the exact same decisions as you, but an outside force changed things and now i feel superior to you because i got a serendipitous opportunity that you didnt)

this whole conversation hits hard with me. it literally sounds similar to conversations ive had with myself! it's hard to not want to side with (vriska) i mean she does feel like the more reasonable one in this conversation and has had more time to think and reflect on herself, and vriska is being a fucking asshole about it, but like, i don't think either of them is exactly Right?

like, vriska has a bit of a point that (vriska) doesnt seem to notice that she's gone people-pleaser mode. but (vriska) thinks this is what happiness is. she despises her old self who was obsessed with inserting herself into everything and feeling the need to be The Best and prove herself as such, to catastrophic outcomes. so of course she wants to separate herself from that as much as possible and strive to become the opposite of it. someone who doesnt care about shit, and who lets other people make decisions for her instead of her making the decisions for everyone against their will. i think (vriska) was on the right track, but just couldn't really... Get There without the right support. and meenah was definitely not the right support.

but anyways like. vriska yelling at (vriska) at how disgusted she is with her is so sickeningly similar to me, looking back and realizing that i used to like.. stand up for myself more. if someone said some shit i didnt like i TOLD them i had a problem. i didn't let people push me around. and i think god, what happened to me? i became a weak loser that bends to peoples idea of what i should be instead of being myself. am i really happy?

but its not like i was better off before, either. vriska still isn't right. yeah i didnt let people boss me around, because i bossed THEM around. when i told people i had a problem with them i was MEAN about it. i said rude shit unnecessarily. i made everything about me and didn't care about what other people thought.

my past self and my "current" self (maybe like, my 'a few months ago self' i like to think im working through it but im still having trouble lol) are disgusted with each other. im disgusted that i used to straight up bully people all the time, and past me is disgusted that i seemed to have stopped having convictions, that i let other people decide who i should be, etc.

neither of them are really happy, but (vriska) sure seems a lot kinder, at least. she's made progress, but in a way that benefits other people more than it does herself.

also i love vriska saying "what happened to not letting shit get to you because you always knew you were better than the one slinging it" that is such utter bullshit. she is ALWAYS letting stuff get to her. all of her god damn actions are because she lets stuff get to her. everything she does is to prove herself. the cycle of revenge shit?? yeah totally didn't let it get to you. thats why you killed aradia and blinded terezi. because you were just so totally better than them and not letting it get to you. this stuff:

yeah. letting it roll off your back. lol

anyways back to meenah and (vriska)

meenah recognizes this vulnerability in (vriska) and it scares her. she does the whole "im abandoning you... for your own good..." thing, which... sucks! as you said, this whole situation just fucken sucks, man.

(vriska) basically admits that at this point, without meenah, she's lost. she let meenah mold her into what she wanted, and to lose her would be to lose herself.

but i mean i don't think there was another way this could've gone. (vriska) was essentially meenah's rebound after aranea (and vriska is her rebound after (vriska) lol) and it's just.. ALL bad. its just... everyone here has such deep personal issues that they cant help but let effect each other, yknow? meenah realizes that her issues are effecting (vriska) and thinks that removing herself from the situation is best. maybe it is? it turns out okay for (vriska) in the end, at least. as "okay" as she can possibly get, i guess.

i don't know. there's a lot here! it all just hurts and sucks. teens, man. how it is.

this is just my (very personal, frankly) interpretation of the events, idk. i think i said a lot here without actually saying anything all that substantial, as i feel like i tend to do. i just resonate with vriska really hard, what and you gave me an opportunity to ramble about it lol

[liquidstar]

my big fat greek wedding is the realest greek rep in mainstream american media, not because its completely accurate- a lot is rooted in lighthearted sort of self-stereotypes, and is overall pretty shallow if youre looking for legitimate emotionally resonate representation of any kind. BUT thats also EXACTLY what makes it vibe w so many greeks anyway because we hardly ever see those very specific little eccentricities even mentioned, letalone be made the focal point, so we kind of love making fun of it in a way thats like "oh my god thats JUST like my thio maki!!! and thats just like thia calliope!!! oh fuck that ones just like me"

all things considered i dont think greek representation is like the most important ever or anything, but its so rare to see greece acknowledged beyond ancient stuff or mythology, or maybe the occasional jab at eastern europe, that its just... fun to see yourself and your family a little bit on the tv. it doesnt really get into the super deep parts of the culture or anything like that but its fine bc its fun. i think most greek families (esp of diaspora) have bonded to this movie because theyre just like us for real. before this, i think the closest thing id seen to actual greek rep on tv was from an episode of the suite life on deck where it was mainly just an eastern europe stereotype 😭 abt being hairy and playing with pig guts as balloons and shit idk. i mean also true but in a way that comes off as more mean spirited lol. but even then i was excited just to see our flag on tv and remember pointing at it to my mom so i cant say it was the worst. but hey!

anyway i like my big fat greek wedding a lot, wanna see the 3rd sometime too but never got around to it. it just vibes and is fun. and again like i said before, greek rep wasnt the most important thing ever growing up (even if it is super cool to see and does make me very happy to have our culture acknowledged outside of ancients!) but it does make me understand why representation is important in a more general way and why it means so much to people. and i also understand that it can mean a whole lot more to people whove been historically treated way worse by media. like, lack of acknowledgement is one thing, but outright malicious stereotypes are another. i do get this with lgbt+ rep too but since i was lucky enough to be born in a time where its becoming the norm i also cant imagine how it must have seen so much worse and then live in a world where every cartoon has 2 girls kissing. its not perfect and often corporate but... also a good sign

sorry this post is super stream of consciousness so its probably all over the place but i think my general thoughts are that ppl who shit on a series for having any kind of representation they dislike (being "too progressive" or something) is not only an awful unsympathetic person but also like. on the flip side will never know the joy of seeing yourself like that. but i do realize it also comes with the tradeoff of not being seen to begin with so its not like its a net positive but... those ppl still wont know! they will not understand the true joys of "[country] mentioned!!!!" when the country is The United States Of America. the end

[too-much-sunshine]

Finished the most recent chapter, and as an aroacespec person myself, I was so comforted by the slow and natural progression you've given Scar and Grians relationship in this. I'm inclined to physical affection myself, and that's something frequently excluded in pairings that people write as aroace/qpr adjacent. A lot of times they're always considered strictly romantic, but the way you've written this feels so right in the sense of Queerplatonic, as you mentioned you intended originally in the notes. I just wanted to say thank you for that! Reading how they hold each other and comfort one another (wont go into detail, as to not spoil ch26 for anyone reading this) just clicks in a way that's Their Connection, and it doesn't feel like it's trying to or needs to be anything else. It's so content, and it makes me feel so warm to see that in a fic with two characters I resonate with a lot.

Not to mention the plot- omg, I've been fawning over it all week! My favorite moment I think is definitely the kitchen scene with Iskall and Scars little standoff- the visual was so sassy and queer from Scars end, it just made me cackle to no end I absolutely loved the attitude. But really, I try not to theorize too much when reading stories that way every turn feels like a huge shock, and this fic keeps my attention so well I didn't even have the chance to, I was far too busy enjoying every little flair of dialogue and fluid change of scenario. I literally gasped and yelled "OH /SHIT/" aloud multiple times, I'm not embarassed to say it. There are so many details you kept so quaint and innocent at the beginning, I never even questioned them until their importance later on!

This story has been absolutely, insanely, phenomenally fun to read, and I can't wait to see where you take things next. I've been planning my own fic for ages, and reading something like this has really inspired me to pick up my pages and keep going. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you have a lot of fun working on the rest of the story! I know I'm dying to read the next chapter whenever you feel it's right to show, and others will be too :).

Much love!

- minecraft-cake

OH MY GODS IM GONNA CRYYYY (/pos) TOO LATE I AM CRYINGGGG TTTTTTT AAAaaaa this means so much to me TTTT ASDFGHJK

Ive said it before, and I'll say it again: I started writing WOftL because I wanted to read something like it, but it hadnt been written. Not only in the superhero space (even tho I am a bit a whore for superhero fics UuU) but also just aspec wise. Im arospec/ace, and I just felt it wasnt being represented in a way the resonated with me!! So I wrote it myself <3

Im so glad that it resonates with others as well! I really hope that deciding to change the relationship romantic doesnt takes away from that! I feel like, personally, it doesnt change their background and their connection for each other. I certainly dont plan to have them act much differently then they do now lmaooo

Ommffggg you are so nicceee TTTTTT If Im forced to say one thing I'm proud of for this fic, i'd say the foreshadowing turned out much better then I expected lmaooo This is my first looongg fic, so I really happy with that turned out!! I have so much I can say about specific scenes and how they came to be in my brain!!! But for specifically Iskall and Scar, I loved how their little plot came out! Those two have History UuU

Thank you so much for reading and the kind wordsss!! This seriously made my whole week and its only monday!! Im so happy to have inspired you, and if your willing to share I would love to read your fic when you write it! I hoep you have a phenonial day, week, month, year and life bestie <3<3<3<3

[amalgamezz]

About your aro post in your tags you said you don’t care for any loves (romantic, familial [<- I don’t feel that one too :D] etc.) does that go for friendships as well? Or are you more of a person who doesn’t care for connection at all? I hope I worded that right…

heya, thank you for this ask, and no worries, your wordings are fine! sorry, this will be a long one because my audhd demands that i should provide full contexts 😔

as i interacted and got to know more about aplatonic and loveless communities, i found a certain solidarity/kinship with them. ever since i was in elementary, friendship has never been something i actively seek myself. i still got along well with classmates. my relationships with coworkers are chill and good. i have mutuals and friendly acquaintances here and there to talk about our shared interests. i try to maintain a good relationship with my family because capitalism sucks ass, especially for single people. in a way, this, too, is how i practice relationship anarchy — to give each casual and non-casual relationship i have a function and learn to appreciate them instead of putting the burdens on one or two committed relationships. for me, friendship has become a label for happy coincidences born out of those relationships after long and frequent interactions, if both parties desire a name for it. i have some positive connections with friends who i trust with my life, and i would mourn intensively should i lose them, but tbh, im not sure if i would personally call it "love".

i was lovequeer before i am loveless. im actually still considering myself lovequeer in a way that i strongly believe that love doesnt have to be romantic and that no kind of love is superior to the other. my personal relationship with love is complicated, but mostly sour. as an aro, i am a fierce defender of non-romantic loves. it annoys me greatly when people casually throw amatonormative phrases such as "there is no platonic explanation for this" or "friends dont do that" around. it is usually a hopeless and lonely battle because people dont really care about "not all loves are romantic" until you reject the concept of love altogether. more often than not, it becomes a gotcha towards aros who express their frustration with obsession over love by society.

this frustration, too, drew me closer to the concept of lovelessness. lovelessness means different things to different people, but for me, its the rejection of love being a superior, necessary, or moral trait of a human being. i had a knee-jerk reaction at first when i learned the term, but the more i read about it and introspect, the more it resonates with me. i remember how my parents hit me when i was a kid. i remember my aunt chewed me out in front of my entire family for expressing my wish to stay single and childless. i remember being driven to tears as my dad sneakily threw out a gift from my friend that i hung on my car and replaced it with a rosary. when asked why, they said because they wanted what was best for me. because they wanted me to be happy. because they loved me. it all sounded contradictory, but i have been with them long enough to know that they were being genuine. i dont wanna think its not a real love because i dont find it useful and more often than not, it only makes me question myself if i have been a fair evaluator and get guilty when i think im not. instead, i just have to accept that good intentions dont always bring good outcomes. their love is real, but its like a sun that burns and hurts more intensively the closer i get to it. i started coming to terms with love being a neutral but strong emotional motive that drives humans to do something — just like pleasure, joy, anger, sadness, envy, etc. whether you do good, bad, or neither because of it solely depends on you. i can acknowledge that they love me, but that doesnt mean they should be able to use it as an excuse to hurt me. this applies to all kinds of love.

i have nothing against love or the people who cherish it, but as i start dissecting and understanding more about love, it becomes less and less significant in my life. i start to realise that i dont need to love someone to bring them happiness or do good for them. i dont need to love my friends to care for or emotionally support them when they need it. i dont need to love my mutuals or even strangers to consider donating for their groceries. i dont need to love the victims of war to condemn the hideous crimes committed against them by some certain govts. love doesnt make me human. i just simply am, and im happy with the loveless relationships/connections i currently have.

[nahalism]

i just quit my job, that drained me. It feels both bad and good, because I don't have another one lined up, but it takes out all my life energy. The energy of my coworkers is dark and bullying, it's disrespectful. One of them is giving me the chills since day 1 and has dark energy. I don't know if witchcraft is a thing, but I randomly saw a video about it, i think it was wizardliz and how she said you take that energy and get these thought w you, even if you don't want it, i was like, ok this is exactly this person. It's hard to explain. Anyway, in the end it's me allowing myself getting disrespected. It means I'm not in the right place. The darkness that it gives me, is pushing me to see the light. But still I feel bad, cause a lot of people need a job, want a job, and I threw it away after 4 years. I'm sorry for ranting in your inbox. I didn't tell anybody, because I know people talk me out of it, cause it's a good job and you need money right. But i feel like i'd hang myself, being around these people a day longer. I don't wanna say there's bad people, but it felt lke that and i know everybody that puts darkness on me, needs to find their own light and pushes me to find mine. But man, idk, i can't believe there are people like this. Who constantly talk and judge others, never check the mirror. I don't like labels ,but I use to question myself if I'm anti-social, autistic, weird, but I believe I'm sensitive to a point that it doesn't matter what anybody says or does, it's what i feel and if that isn't good, i can not be around you. I know someone who hurt me, but i know in my heart she didn't mean to. I guess she didn't know better. Despite that, I feel pure about her. Safe around her and I know she does with me. And then there're these people who claim to be good, acts of kindness, trynna hang w you, but then it feels off. Not pure. Not safe. Does it make sense? I know I will face more situations like this, but how do I deal with it. Do you have tips? Don't feel obligated to answer. I hope you are doing good x

heyyyy, first of all!!! congratulations on making a decision that makes you happy. you did something brave and took your future into your own hands. dont let outside noise, guilt, or fear move you from acknowledging that. there are always ways to make money, but our time here and what we do with it is finite so the quality of your experience matters.

i think you did a powerful thing trying to find how those negative experiences could teach you something or push you toward an experience of life you would rather have. as im sure you know, negative experiences are half the battle. mastering ourselves and our response to them is often the harder and more necessary task. however, knowing that can make leaving harder, cause not being able to 'rise above' and endure something tough can often feel like a failure to master yourself or those circumstances. that said, i think you did the right thing leaving a space that doesnt make you happy. as much as we can change ourselves, its not our job to change people, and at a certain point we have to believe and trust in what we feel. our feelings toward things are some of our indicators toward whether or not what we experience is aligned with us.

in terms of witchcraft. i know juju is a real thing but i dont give it much weight or credence simply because i believe like frequencies latch on to like frequencies. if its true that the universe is mental and we create our realities then those things that manifest in our lived experience have their root within us. — this is why 1) theres a deep meaning to 'no weapon formed against me shall prosper'. when you have conviction of yourself and your path, wayward energies cannot get to you or conquer you. if someone would wish you evil, but you hold no resonance toward that evil, or you have no fear/insecurity concerning their power over you, that evil cannot latch on to you and returns back to sender. — 2) (this relates to how you conduct yourself in the future), practice stilling yourself, knowing where you are going, and what your experience of where you will to go looks and feels like. then go forward. when you encounter people you disagree with, who trigger you, or who give you a similar vibe to the people you have just left, you can do one of two things. seek the aspect of you that identifies with them. (if you didn't identify or fear their ability to rub off on you, you would be able to tune them out or brush them off. soon they would cease to exist around you whether its them getting moved to another department, or you getting promoted etc) orrrr. choose to see them. understand that beyond the face they show you, they have different faces and aspects to them. who are they to their mother? their brother? their children. by seeing them in the full scope of their humanity you can remember that they are more than the aspect of them you see that aggravates you & in doing so treat them as you would treat someone you love. its a funny thing, cause that person could be an asshole to everyone else, yet the softest most generous person to you, because when we see people for who they are or even more than what they are, they usually respond in like mind.

wishing you so much luck and good fortune in your future endeavours. your effort will not betray you 💋

[heartslobbf]

thoughts on juri gender + juriori 🎤

so many thoughts. arguably too many. i have cherrypicked the ones i think are most interesting/original for you <3

i guess the thing with juri's gender is that she somehow manages to degender herself in the public eye, unless someone like ruka or shiori comes along and prods at her and makes everyone else realise how queer (in both senses) she is. also whilst i love butch juri truthers with my whole heart and think yall rock, she is a femme to me. bc i am a femme and juri is probably the rgu character i most relate to, which is cringe and lame but you know whatever. if i didnt relate to her i would probably be a butch truther too bc i am a butch lover first human second. i think it is her experiences with gender that most resonate with me, bc of how her gender and lesbianism are just. they are one and the same the venn diagram is a circle and it's just like Yeah. im an aromantic lesbian so whilst i have complicated feelings about Girls and have had a handful of teenage lesbian situationships that fucked me up, i dont Quite relate to juri's angst. that's not a critique of it whatosever, to be clear, because the purpose of art is not relatability, but im talking about how juri is relatable to me as a character so you know. you get it.

i have so much love in my heart for people whose fave is juri i really really do. probably because you are all lesbians and i love lesbians. my fave is anthy but a) you knew that already and b) she is also a lesbian and (imho) an aro-spec one at that. anyway you didnt ask about anthy so i prommy i wont talk about her anymore (lie). i also wont talk anymore about my aromantic readings of rgu (lie).

asking me about juriori is a fun one, because you might want a considered analysis of their relationship within canon, and you will get some of that, but you'll also get my unhinged ramblings about shipping culture. i feel i should disclose that by 'shipping culture' i mean shippy fandom antics and not, like, the presence of romantic relationships in rgu. that's super interesting and i have a lot to say about it, but what isn't super interesting to me is like.. committing a lot of time to intricately imagining the adult lives of rgu characters in monogamous amatonormative domestic relationships with one another, or whatever the hell. not juicy or nuanced or messy or interesting TO ME, an aromantic person who loves conflict, so you know. you (generally, not anon) do you, but it doesnt grip me personally. i DO enjoy fanart of the characters aged up and happy, for two reasons: the fashion, and the way that it's thematically consistent with rgu. it's like a glimpse at their future you know?? it's a glimmer of hope, or whatever.

ANYWAY, my hot juriori take is that i dont know if theyd work out as a romantic relationship, but i also wouldnt categorically say they wouldnt, because the whole point of the rgu ending is like 'fuck knows what'll happen, but you better fucking hope and you better believe in these characters' ability to choose for themselves and escape the trappings of the narrative'. whatever happens happens. this is of course problematic when i, as a writer, have occasionally attempted an rgu fic, bc im always like well fuck idk what juriori would be doing!! that's not for me to decide!! and it's like im literally writing this story it 100% is for me to decide and then i just get annoyed about the 'ethics' of writing rgu fic and get sad about forcing these kids into the narrative over and over and give up. im a normal person btw. i envy people who can write banger rgu fic more than anyone on the earth you guys are wizards to me.

juriori are also kind of funny to me bc all of their conflict stems from the cisheteropatriarchy of it all and how that's shaped their perceptions of themselves, each other and the wider world. like they are just the teenage lesbian situationship girlies and i think that's beautiful. just like me fr. you know for me personally, kiryuu sibling aficionado, it's quite nice to think about juriori and reminisce about my own teenage lesbian situationships as a kind of break from all of the Horrors. they're wonderfully (mostly) disconnected from akio in a way that just makes me skip with joy. that being said, if youve ever seen me talk about azure paler than the sky, you know it's one of my top ten episodes of the show and my favourite duel in the show and also, simply, fucking Agonising. i do think that juri episodes, visually, are some of the strongest in the show.

my other big juriori point that i wanna hit is that shiori is soooooooo noli me tangere for caesars i am coded. if youre unfamiliar with whoso list to hunt i know where is an hynde, what i'm trying to say here is that shiori loves to be hopelessly pursued because it's the only meaningful way she can exert power over others as a 'princess'. but princesses cant exert power over others by definition of being princesses, so she's really a witch. just like the deer in whoso list. but im normal about renaissance poetry, what i really want to say is how compelled i am by shiori's witchification and how oblivious so many people are to it when watching the show even though she's literally ourple. you know, the witch colour. and she's a reddish ourple!!! you know, red. the duplicitous bitch colour!!!!!

ourple is arguably also that colour in rgu, but i feel compelled to point out anthytougaisms at all possible opportunities. the anthy-touga-shiori triad is like. world's most concentrated source of internalised homophobia, machiavellian bull and general malintent towards people who sincerely love you. and i love them. especially shiori because truly why is she like that. like i know why she's like that but it's funny to marvel at how deranged she truly is. no one does it like her fr and i have so much love in my heart for her. i think the only rgu kids i actually actively dislike are ruka (still find him fascinating and compelling tho, he's a brilliant character and there is nuance to him. i also just despise him) and miki which is just a me thing. i am aware that it's funny i dont like miki for being a shit brother when i like touga, but you have to understand that my liking touga is complicated and he's only, like, my fourth favourite character when nanami is my second <3 love and light <3 also idk if ive ever said this anywhere but i genuinely love shiori and touga's relationship in aou, not because i think they're like? good together or whatever?? i think theyre both gay so you know whatever, i just find their interactions compelling and like. mannnn. it says so much about a character. the way that they both are around each other. very very interesting.

my final thing that i must assert as a shiori apologist is that she did nothing wrong <3 like if you didnt know that gay people were real and hated your own guts you too would be a java sparrow hurtling into a glass wall youre unable to see. episode 17 makes me feel like a wild animal. also yes i find juri more relatable and yes i think shiori's the more justified of the two, it's partially bc it's funny and also partially bc juri is mean to shiori!! she is!!!! she closes herself off emotionally and refuses even an ounce of vulnerability, for understandable reasons ofc, but then she gets SO MAD when shiori doesnt understand all her microexpressions and confess undying love to her about it. like be for serious juri. i really do love juriori with my whole heart and i think ive articulated why before in my dyke drama post about them. they just make me happy/agonised because i really do resonate in a way i never have with lesbian characters before. like i think juri's character in particular understands the nuances of being a lesbian in a way that just makes me, a lesbian, :)

[mbat]

oh i havent listened to next semester since before i turned 21 this is doing things to me. hearing him say 'start fresh with a new year' is getting to me.

i dropped out of highschool when i was 14 because i was suicidal and in a really toxic situation that would (unbeknownst to me at the time) leave me with trauma that im still sorting through to this day, and it was a choice i made that no one in my life understood or liked, especially my parents. i know why i did it, but i never got over that choice. its such a... shamed choice.

i mean, theres a stigma to it i feel like, not that i need to get into that, but also finishing school is encouraged because jobs want you to at least have a diploma i guess, but also so you can get into college and whatever

and while im not even sure i have a chance at going to college, and getting a job sounds like itll make me miserable all over again, i still want to finish school. even if i dont even pursue either of those things, i still want to finish school.

not to mention, maybe ill make friends there. my traumatizing situation left me isolating myself, i have no real life friends, especially not any of the people i used to know in school. and i didnt even get to go through any of the experiences people always talk about having in highschool, though lets be real thats probably for the best lol. i hope if i get to finish school, that ill make friends.

before i get to my point, this song also hits me because it sounds so much like trauma, i dont know how to explain it in a brief way like im doing here, but the way it feels like trauma resonates with me, and its connection to school and starting fresh next year just all around resonates with me. it felt like exactly what i needed and when i needed it.

but my point is... where i am, and in a few other places, goodwill has a program where people who didnt finish highschool can sign up for that program, and get a diploma when they finish. not a GED, or even a HSE, a diploma. but you have to be 21 to sign up for it... and i just turned 21 twelve days ago as of writing this.

and im just thinking... i can fix my mistakes. i can just go back and finish what i stopped years ago. its felt so much like all my mistakes were unfixable, something i couldnt change or help, and that id be stuck with the consequences forever, frozen in place for the rest of my life based on things i did when i was a child.

but im not. if i get accepted to this program... i can fix it. i can finally get my life back on track after 7 whole years of nothing happening in my fucking life. ive spent my entire teenage years and even into my 20s rotting away, thinking my life was over... but it doesnt have to be. it really doesnt have to be.

i kept feeling like me turning 21 was whatever, just an excuse for my family to finally take me drinking and gambling even though i dont like doing those... but its actually the best thing that could happen for me. finally, i get to continue living my life. i can finally try to go back to being a person after years of not being one.

i dont even know how to make it sound as important as it is to me. words really cant capture how much this is so fucking important to me. i get to start fresh. i cant change what ive done, but i can start fresh. im so happy.

[ohyoru]

Hey im not good with words or english, but its ok to feel burnt out or tired. Youre not obligated to provide anything to us. You are an author who writes for free. Maybe to have fun maybe to express yourself. You have your own life and thats a good thing. I havent been playing genshin in a while because theres so much work i need to do there like building characters. I havent watched link click s2 because i cant bring myself to sit down for that long. Im sure everyone has something like this happening to them and i just remind myself that it doesnt matter that much. Post unfinished things, make your character builds crap, dont finish a book youve started it doesntmatter. Its about having fun. Its about forgetting your problems(at least for me) or its about spending time with your online friends. Taking a break is necessary. Spending time for yourself is necessary. Taking care of yourself is necessary. I hope i could get my message across. I cant even take my own advice seriously as im too scared to post this without anon but i hope i was able to make you feel better somehow. I also want to say i really love your works even if i dont know who the person you’re writing about is. Ive been following your works for a while and i dont regret it one bit. I would be pretty sad if you were to stop writing for certain people but if it makes you feel happy then i dont mind and im sure others wouldn’t mind it as well. Youre free to do whatever you want ( as long as youre not intruding on other peoples freedom obviously) thank you for reading my wordvomit written in an attempt to comfort you.

dearie anon,

to have you in my inbox is already a blessing enough for me. thank you so much for taking the time of your day to cheer me up, you have no idea how much this means to me (brb crying i dont deserve you sob)

first of all, your message got across. i'm not sure about your english being not good part, but really, your message resonates with me on a level deeper than language can ever explain, truly.

i appreciate your kind reminder that i shouldn't feel obliged to write for anyone. i honestly feel like it's eating me out because i put myself in the equation as well. i had been a writer before, back when tokyo revengers (anime) was still in its first season since i'm more of a manga reader. if you were in that era, you might came across my work. alas, things happened. what used to be good memories (including writing) turned into very hurtful ones and i stopped doing what i love because they're causing me so much pain. nonetheless, i still slowly died inside. it took me a while to be at peace with my past and understand that writing is what makes me the person i am. so i'm determined to start again and keep it up. but when life gets in the way and hold me back from writing (again), it depresses me. (including not playing genshin). honestly, i'm feeling lonely. what and who i used to know and love seemed to only exist in the past. people moved on, topics became irrelevant, relationship broke. which i don't blame, but it still makes me cry once in a while.

sorry for the traumadump uh- i feel like i should explain myself a little. i hope that didn't scare you too much. but anyway, you're right! i should do whatever i want. maybe i need to reframe my perspective. i love that you mention about reading book thingy because i have the same issue and yes, i'm a reader through and through. but it's been so long since i read.. the irony. maybe all i need to do is start. and love myself a bit more to stop torturing myself with unnecessary thoughts..

you know what anon? i love the past me. i dont remember exactly what i love about her, but she used to be so at peace. i'm trying to find my way back to her, and i think you're helping me set my way there, so thank you. i dont know about your problems, but if you're willing to share, i'm more than happy to listen. don't forget to take care of yourself too okay? i hope your days ahead are the loveliest yet!

also, thank you for appreciating my works! when i started writing again, i told myself and whoever that's willing to take the time of their day to consume my content that i don't need anyone's attention or approval (shadowban be damned. if it happens, it happens). i did it solely for myself. but god knows how much your kind words and others' fill up the spaces in my heart.

i'm not going to ask anything from my works. your support is something i could never repay, but i'll always appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

(btw yes, you did send this on anon hehe i got a hunch on who you might be but if you prefer to keep it a secret, then rest assured, your secret is safe with me!)

[scaryarcade]

Hopefully this is okay to disscuss this kind of thing here. But in my own (and still on going) discovery of my plurarity ive found myself in a weird spot in DID/OSDD community where i relate to the some or most experiences of being a system but still feel like the way symptoms i DO experience is "wrong".

One of the examples i could give is criteria for DID/OSDD being "having repeated trauma before 6-9 years of age". But the only traumatic major event i can recall that started to affect me was at 11 years old. Before that age i almost zero memory from that period (which is terrifying on its own tbh). And from 11-13 i started devolping BPD and was probably the beggining of fragmatation of my identity/personality. My own dissociative spectrum feels more on then "just BPD dissociation when in stress" but still less severe in what you see in pwDID who have seperete identities. Though, lurking through your blog (im normal trust me /j) and knowing about "median system" did resionate with me a lot. I still feel like a huge imposter because i "dont have the worst trauma ever and have total seperate identities that make living hell", i for sure am disordered plural/system but i feel guilt when being plural doesnt completely ruin my life like it does with a lot of pwDID/OSDD. I am aware i probably have it better in this aspect of mental health in this community but i want to hear and knlw more about atypical/nonstereotyped way of living with DID/OSDD. And your blog gave me that comfort/closure i looked for so long lol. So honestly thank you for creating this little blog i appreciate you adding unique experience/opinions to the community a lot!!!!

I hope my ask is understandable and sorry for any errors i might have put here 😭😭

(Also im fucking losing it over the coincidence of sharing the same name/pronouns/age-range/interest ☠️☠️)

hi!! thank you for the ask + hell yes name twins!!! LMAO

i really appreciate you taking the time 2 share ur experience. there are a few things that came to mind while i was reading ur ask. this is not meant to imply you need to change how you view yourself/selves, but since you mentioned feeling like the way you experience symptoms is "wrong", you may find these things useful to know if you didn't already:

you do not have to recall trauma before the ages of 6-9 to be diagnosed with DID or OSDD! actually, you don't have to recall any trauma at all to receive a diagnosis.

anecdotally, there are a lot of people with DID who do not experience clear, rigid separation between parts/alters

also anecdotally, a ton of trauma survivors (especially those with complex and/or developmental trauma) struggle with imposter syndrome and feeling like they have it better than others.

i frequently feel guilty like i'm invading spaces/taking up resources/just generally don't belong in places for trauma survivors because "other people have it so much worse". this is a pretty normal way to feel, but it fucking sucks, so i'm really sorry you're dealing with what sounds like a similar feeling. i think this is what happens when we have been forced to spend a lot of time rationalizing the bad things that happen to us. mentally, we have to normalize and minimize our own trauma in order to endure it. so it's a lot easier to look at someone else's experience and go "wow that's horrible and traumatic!" than it is to do that with our own.

happy 2 hear that median terminology resonates with you!! it definitely was immensely comforting for me when i found a term that encapsulates the often REALLY confusing experience of, like. "we're separate people we're the same we're different from each other yes we are no we're not <3".

i'm rly glad to hear my blog has been a useful resource for u. i hope you know there is no threshold of suffering that you have to meet in order to deserve resources, support, and community. you belong here!

[snowyslostjournal]

///

i feel so ashamed of myself.

ashamed of my interests and talking about them.

ashamed of my self ship with em.pe.ro.r and gushing about him.

ashamed of expressing myself through my self inserts, because i feel like my self ship is literal fucking lukewarm water and atp if anyone told me that they hated it and wanted it to be changed to their liking, i'd do so just to make that person happy.

and i hate it.

i want to be happy. i want to be myself again.

i want to talk about my interests.

sp.lat.oon has made such happy memories for me. i've grown so so attached to this game and i couldn't be more grateful that i've gotten into it. voc.alo.id was my fave thing to listen to since 6th grade and i've stuck with miku since then. pr.oj.ect se.kai is my 2nd fave game to play because w.xs and n.25 have brought me so much comfort. and i feel like i resonate with k.ana.de deeply.

i want to gush about and talk about my self ship with others.

em.p.ero.r is literally my no.1 character and i have a huge crush on him. he makes me happy. my self ship with him brings me comfort because it feels like i could be myself around him. i love him sm. i could go on and on about how much he means to me cause let me tell you its a whole lot.

i want to express myself.

pink is my fave color and i love cute things, i like this kind of aesthetic where its like. those cute pink pixel things i see around. ig pink webore. i want to have a self insert that's like me, irl im a bit shy and don't know how to start conversations. but i do my best to be a good friend.

but im ashamed of doing all that.

i feel like shit and im unworthy of love.

im sorry

i really want to be happy but

its hard for me.

i miss it when i was happy and doing those things.

now im ashamed of myself and i feel like nobody cares.

i know what its like to have friends drift away from who

it happened with my old friend group at school

although i have a new friend group that i cherish with my heart, i cant stop thinking about my old friend group.

doesnt help that im in the same classes as them.

i feel replacable.

like nobody cares about me.

like im unworthy of love.

i am unworthy of love.

i dont deserve it.