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tootiredmotel · 3 years ago

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a different lover is not a sin

or: 5 times Dean didn't go to Pride + 1 time he did

Happy @starrynightdeancas gift exchange posting day!!! This one's for the wonderful and talented @andzia267 !!! Sending you all the hugs and good vibes, and I hope you enjoy it! And thank you Sophie for hosting all this, you're a rock star! <3

Read on ao3 or below / 5.5k words

CW: homophobia, queer used as a slur, john winchester being an asshole

1 - 1994

Dean was fifteen years old when he found out that being gay was something people could be proud of. It was early in the morning, they'd left their motel about 20 minutes before, and Sammy had fallen asleep in the backseat. The sun was just starting to completely show over the horizon, and they were driving through– or rather, struggling to get out of– Phoenix on their way to a possible poltergeist in Tucson. Every street they tried to take was blocked for the big event, and dozens of people already lined the sidewalks with colorful outfits and signs.

"Fuckin' queers," John grumbled in the seat next to him. "Never should'a thrown that damn brick."

Big banners overhead displayed "Stonewall 25: A Global Celebration of Pride". Dean made a mental note to hit up a library once they got to Tucson to look that up, "Stonewall". In the meantime, he was mesmerized staring out the window. Guys held hands, women kissed, everyone was practically vibrating with excitement. A black man in heels and a wig caught his gaze through the window and waved. Dean started to wave back, but his hand was harshly swatted back down.

"Do not," John said. "Don’t talk to them, don’t even look at ‘em. These people are sick in the head."

Dean focused his gaze on his lap until they were out of the city, and his mind wandered back to the gas station they stopped at the day before. He thought of the guy at the cash register that called him "cutie" and winked at him as he bought a candy bar for Sammy and beers for Dad with his fake ID. By Dad’s logic– which Dean trusted, of course–, that cashier, that queer, must've been sick in the head.

Then Dean remembered how his heart sped up, how his ears got hot, and how for a second he let himself think the cashier was kinda cute too. He realized he must also be sick in the head, and the thought was making him feel actually, physically sick. He felt like throwing up. Dad could never know.

Dean was fifteen years old when he learned that being gay actually wasn't something to be proud of.

---

2 - 2000

Dean was 21 years old when he learned the word “bisexual”. Dad had caught word of a ghoul case in lower Manhattan and sent Dean to take care of it. It was starting to get too hot and the streets were too crowded, but Dean was mostly glad to get a break from the constant fighting between Dad and Sammy.

Except it was June, and every time he turned a corner, there they were. The Pride parade flyers.

The second he spotted a rainbow he averted his gaze. He turned another corner and spotted another one. He avoided reading them at all costs. He heard Dad’s voice. Sick. Sick in the head.

For years now Dean had pretended he wasn’t sick. He pretended to not stare at Patrick Swayze too much whenever Dirty Dancing played on TV. He pretended like he didn't imagine what it would be like to kiss a guy, what stubble would feel like against his lips if he ever did.

He liked women. He could stick to women. He could live his whole life like that. And that meant he wasn’t totally sick, right? He wasn’t gay -gay if he liked girls.

But then what the hell was he? Would he even belong at one of these Pride things if he wanted to? He was probably a freak of nature. Even sicker than the rest of the bunch.

Curiosity got the best of him. He spared a glance at one of the flyers as he waited to cross the street.

Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transexuals, ALL WELCOME

“Are you gonna go?” A voice next to him asked. ”It’s next weekend.” He was blond, pale, and a bit shorter than Dean.

��What? No! I don't swing that way,” Dean said, a bit too quickly and with too much bite.

The guy looked him up and down with a frown. “Geez, alright. Just askin’.”

He started to walk away, and Dean spoke up before he could stop himself.

“Hey man, wait.”

The guy stopped walking.

“Sorry, can I ask you something? Assuming you... know about this stuff?”

He seemed exasperated, but he turned anyway, willing to hear Dean out. Dean licked his lips, rubbed at the back of his neck, swallowed nervously. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, asking a stranger on the street about something so personal. At least the chances of meeting this person ever again were close to none.

“What’s bisexual?”

The guy’s features softened a bit. He seemed to understand something about Dean that so far Dean refused to acknowledge.

“It means you’re into more than one gender. And yes, you can do that,” the guy said. He flashed Dean a tight smile and then disappeared into the crowd.

Dean felt his hands go numb and balled them into fists, shoving them in his pockets. He took a deep breath through his nose. The guy said you. You are. You can.

The guy didn’t know what he was talking about. He knew nothing about Dean. He was wrong.

Or maybe he was right.

But he couldn’t be.

Dean couldn’t be… that.

Dean was 21 years old when he decided he wasn’t bisexual. He wasn’t anything. He was also 21 when he solved a case in record time (two days), just so he could book it out of New York before the next weekend arrived.

---

3 - 2004

By the time he was 25 years old, Dean knew he was bi. He hated it, he never spoke about it, and he ignored it as much as he could, but he was aware of it. And he knew he was bi because, at 25 years old, he’d already gone through two serious breakups, and they both equally sucked.

The first was Lee. He hunted with Dean and John for about a year, the second half of which Dean and Lee spent sneaking around and hooking up behind John’s back. It was fun, and hot, and exciting, and some of the best hookups he’d had up until that point in his life were with Lee.

But the thing is that it wasn’t just hooking up. They were close, and Dean liked him. A lot. They kissed for the first time after a particularly scary werewolf hunt in which Dean almost died, but John was more preoccupied with the mostly-unharmed victim than his own son. Dean and Lee rode in the backseat, bruised, bloody, and quiet. When John went to walk the victim up to her apartment, Lee reached over and placed a hand on Dean’s back, asking him if he was okay. Dean fell into Lee’s arms, and they kissed as they pulled away from the embrace, soft and comforting. It was Dean’s first kiss with a guy.

Lee was a lot of firsts for Dean over the next few months. But then John almost caught them once, drunk and making out in the Impala.

And then that case in Arizona went wrong, and Lee just couldn’t take it anymore. He packed up, swore off hunting, hugged Dean goodbye, and left him in the dust.

Dean needed to clear his head after that. He could barely look his dad in the eye after that close call, couldn't let him see the sorrow he was feeling. With every interaction, he imagined how John would yell at him, probably try to beat it out of him, if he noticed all he was feeling over Lee. Or worse, John could ignore him, practically disown him like he did Sam.

So he also packed up and left. Went hunting on his own for a while.

It was on one of those hunts that he met Cassie, and she was yet another handful of firsts for Dean over the course of a few months. She was amazing, and he fell hard and fast, but of course that went up in flames too.

Then again, he should've known better than to be honest. Honesty only ever got him in trouble.

He’d just left her back in Ohio and was working at a bar in Indianapolis for a few weeks to make some cash. He’d eventually meet back up with Dad. He just couldn’t right now. Not with Sam gone to college. Not after getting his heart broken twice over within a year.

He was hyper-aware of the end of June approaching. He knew it was coming, Indy had a pretty big celebration, and he made sure to be working all day that day so he wouldn't have to face it.

That was pointless, though. Toward the end of the day, a big group of about ten or twelve people who were clearly coming from the parade stumbled into the bar. One of them was apparently the owner’s little sister and they went there every year after the celebrations. They were loud, and obnoxious, and looked incredibly happy. Their happiness was contagious, and Dean loved serving them. He chatted them up, got to know them a bit, and heard all about the parade, all while staring down anyone at the bar who dared look their way with even the slightest stink eye.

But watching them that happy and comfortable, seeing not one, but two pairs of guys sloppily leaning against each other and sharing the occasional kiss while none of their friends seemed to bat an eye… something in Dean ached. Deeply.

Dean was 25 years old when he realized that a small part of him kind of, sort of, wanted to be part of this community. He couldn’t though. Not if he wanted to be on good terms with Dad. Not if he aimed to be the man Dad wanted him to be.

He left Indianapolis the next day.

---

4 - 2008

Dean was 29 years old and on his own personal highway to hell when he learned his brother went to a Pride parade before he ever did. They were driving through San José, the streets were lined with ads for Silicon Valley Pride, and Sam just casually decided to mention how fun it was the last time he went.

Thankfully they were at a red light, or else Dean probably would’ve slammed the breaks. He twisted to look at Sam head-on, his arm on the back of the seat.

“You what ?” he gawked.

Sam shrugged innocently. “What?”

“You went to one of these Pride things?”

“Yeah, dude.”

Dean’s brain was just trying and failing to load. “Why?” he finally asked.

“Jessica was in the GSA and some friends invited us. It was awesome.”

“She was in the what?”

“The G. S. A.,” Sam answered slowly. “Gay-Straight Alliance.”

“Oh.” Whatever that is, Dean thought. He kept eyeing the flyers. It was tomorrow.

“Green.”

“What?”

“Light’s green. Green means go.”

Dean rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

He kept driving and turned up the radio. Somebody To Love was playing, and as much as he liked Queen, he had to change the station. He tried to picture his little brother (his straight little brother) wearing rainbow face paint and having the time of his life at this thing. How come Sammy got to go when Dean could barely entertain the idea? Dean was the not-straight one. It wasn’t fair.

He channeled his jealousy into gripping the steering wheel.

“You okay, Dean?”

“Yeah.” No. “Yeah, m’fine.”

Dean was 29 years old when he died and went to hell without ever having gone to a Pride parade, knowing that his idiot ( straight! ) little brother already had.

---

5 - 2014

Dean was alive again and 35 years old (75, if you count hell) when he was formally invited to a Pride parade for the first time. It was a couple of days after that whole mess with Cas in Lucifer’s crypt, and he called Charlie. He just wanted to hear her voice, needed to know he was still on good terms with at least one of his best friends.

“So anyway,” Charlie said after a while of recounting what she’d been up to. "How single are you right now? My answer is: miserably."

Dean chuckled. Then he thought of Cas, and the smile disappeared. "Yeah, you and me both, sister."

“Would you mind coming with me to this thing next month? Going alone kinda sucks.”

Dean put the phone on speaker and placed it on the library table as he sat down with a beer. “What’s the thing?”

“Pride.”

Dean was glad no one was around to see him almost choke on his drink.

“You good?”

“Yeah, what was that?”

“Pride parade. Don’t have anyone to go with this year.”

“Why uh… Why? Why me?”

She knows.

“I dunno.”

She knows she knows she knows.

“You’re my friend, Dean. Thought maybe you might be interested. But never mind, I guess.”

And while all the alarms in Dean's head were blaring danger danger danger abort, he also hated to hear Charlie so disappointed.

“Hey, no, listen, Charlie, I… I would. Really. You know I support you, wholeheartedly." And that's obviously the only reason I would want to go. "But with Sam doing these trials, and Cas on the run with the angel tablet–”

“It’s okay Dean, I get it. Talk to you soon?”

“Yeah.”

And she hung up.

Dean knew, at this point, that there was nothing wrong with being queer. It wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, and it sure as hell didn’t mean you were wrong in the head or whatever.

But years of pretending to be a false version of yourself in an effort to please a man who was impossible to please wasn’t exactly an easy habit to break. As much as he wished it didn't, as much as he wished he could just exist, the thought of anyone finding out still made him sick to the stomach.

John’s voice still echoed in his ears. His words still drove Dean’s sense of self-worth and so many of his decisions. He tried to never stare at a good-looking guy for too long. He tried to not get too into it with Benny. He tried to keep his feelings for Cas at bay, tried to keep him at arm's length, tried to keep the fact that he was in love (deeply, stupidly in love) as close to his chest as he could.

Even that night at the crypt choking out the words to get through to Cas, he couldn’t bring himself to say what he meant. I love you, he’d wanted to say, because it was the truth. What came out, however, was I need you. And he did, he needed Cas more than air, but it wasn't quite everything.

It still got his heart split in two.

Was he so far gone over Cas that he couldn’t hide it? Had he been trying so hard and failing just as miserably this whole time? Was his attraction to dudes that obvious? Or did Charlie just have a sixth sense for this kinda thing?

It was probably the last one. He hoped it was.

Cas knew, for sure. Angels knew everything right? They could read minds, feel longing, or whatever. And if none of that ever tipped him off, well, Dean put it all on the line back in that crypt. He told Cas how he felt, told him he needed him, tried putting himself out there, and it got him left. Again. With Dean, it was always leave-or-get-left when it came to love. He was tired of it.

Dean was 35 years old, desperately in love with his best friend, and truly heartbroken for the third time in his life, when his other best friend– an out and proud lesbian– gave him a chance to go to Pride, to break through his shell, to finally embrace himself as he was; but because he was practically living in the closet, he couldn’t seem to find the handle after so many years of purposefully ignoring its existence, and he missed his chance. Besides, what was the point of going to a celebration of love without the love of his life by his side?

---

+1 - 2021

Dean is now 42 years old and the happiest he’s ever been. The love of his life? Cas? Turns out he’s felt the same way all along. They're kind of together now, and slowly but surely they’re working through a decade’s worth of shit.

They’ve been raising a kid together too, along with Sam and Eileen, and that kid is also God. After saving the world and whatnot, Jack decided to bring back some of their friends and family that died over the years: Mary, Kevin, Charlie. Yes, there are two Charlies now, but it’s not as confusing as you’d expect. (One is from another dimension, and the other one is Dean’s little sister. Simple.) Mary’s off hunting most of the time and Kevin’s applying to college.

They’ve got extended family now too, Jody and the girls. OG Charlie is staying with them for now, while she finds her footing. Most of that household is queer. Most of Dean's household is queer as well, actually. Turns out both Jack and Eileen are non-binary, Cas is gay in the broader sense of the word, and Dean…

Dean is bi. And everyone knows now.

Apparently, a lot of people had known for a long time. Sam has known since the siren back in ‘09 (even though Dean stands by the fact that it wasn’t like that, Sammy ), and everyone has slowly picked up on his and Cas’s thing over the years, so there’s that.

He still feels a bit weird about it. About calling Cas his boyfriend, about having the freedom to hold his hand in public, about the fact that they now have goddamn pride flags hung around the bunker. He feels even weirder about the fact that John’s voice in his head is now drowned out by the sounds of his home life, more lively and supportive than he ever expected to have.

He wasn’t expecting any of this, he didn’t think everything would change so fast. But when you spend the better part of your life pushing down such a huge part of you and then finally give yourself an out, a chance to show the people who love you who you really are, everything just... follows.

Love follows. Acceptance follows. Family follows. And he wasn’t really expecting any of it.

He certainly doesn’t expect it when Cas walks into the library after his weekly Thursday evening call with Claire and announces, matter-of-factly and with air quotes, “We’re going to "Pride" this weekend.”

Dean’s stomach drops. It’s the Sioux Falls Pride Parade and Festival, it’s in two days, and they’re leaving tomorrow to spend the night at Jody’s so they can all be there bright and early Saturday morning. Everyone immediately starts bustling about, packing and planning outfits and gathering flags to bring with them.

Dean just goes to his room– his and Cas’s now– to pack a small duffle.

Well, he means to. Instead, he takes out the duffle from the closet, puts it on the bed, and sits next to it for a while. An hour goes by. He thinks back to all those times he had brushes with one of these things and was just never in the right mindset. He’s not even sure he’s in the right mindset now, but he’s going. It’s happening.

“Jack’s all ready to go,” Cas says when he walks in. “We spent about half an hour putting together an outfit for Saturday. He wanted it to be as colorful as possible.”

Dean smiles, but it’s not all there. He looks at the empty duffle next to him.

“Yeah, I might need some help with that myself.”

Cas is in sweats and a hoodie. Yes it’s June, yes it’s hot, but he’s a quasi-angel, and the way he experiences the world Dean will never be able to wrap his head around. He walks over and stands in front of Dean, running a hand through his hair and down the side of his face until he’s cupping Dean’s jaw. Dean takes Cas’s hand and leaves a few kisses on the inside of his wrist, closing his eyes as he does.

Cas regards the empty bag and hums quietly, as if in thought, before walking over to their closet. Dean chases his hand, holding onto it until he’s completely out of reach. Cas starts searching, and Dean’s stomach knots more and more with each clang of the hangers. Cas finally pulls out a flannel from its hanger– purple with hints of blue and pink– and tosses it over. Dean can’t believe he didn’t think of it first.

They continue to pack in comfortable silence before changing and getting into bed. Dean doesn’t flop onto his stomach or cuddle into Cas’s side as he usually does; instead, he lies on his back and stares at the ceiling in a daze.

“Dean?” Cas’s voice snaps him out of it.

Dean turns his head and asks, automatically, “You okay?”

It’s a habit by now, asking each other that question. It’s part of the working-through-a-decade’s-worth-of-shit thing they’re doing. Turns out they share a whole lot of trauma. They share worries and insecurities. They share nightmares sometimes, mostly about the Empty.

“I’m okay,” Cas says, putting his hand on top of Dean’s heart for him to hold, and Dean can breathe a little easier.

“You nervous about this thing?” Dean asks, interlocking their fingers.

“The parade? No, not really.”

And then, because he's been working on communicating how he's feeling out loud or whatever, Dean looks back up at the ceiling and says, "I am. Kinda."

He feels Cas shifting and propping himself up on his elbow, and then he's in Dean's line of sight. Dean's gaze is drawn to him, like all of him has been since the moment they met, and Dean can't believe he just has this now. He has a boyfriend, and it's Cas, and he's looking down at Dean with stars in his eyes and a comforting smile that actually works because it's Cas.

And then Cas is leaning down and softly pressing their lips together, and that's also something Dean can’t believe he gets to do: kiss Cas good morning and good night and at any moment in between, kiss him I'm sorry, kiss him we're going to be okay, kiss him I love you.

"I love you too, Dean," Cas says once they've pulled away, and Dean didn't even realize he'd said it out loud, but it doesn't matter. "And you don't need to be nervous. I'll be there with you."

The thought should be a thousand times more nerve-wracking, not just going to Pride but going to Pride with Cas on his arm. It's not nerve-wracking at all, and he soon drifts off to sleep.

Friday goes by faster than it should. The six-hour drive to Sioux Falls, although packed in a car with five people, goes by in a blink. They stop for provisions before getting to Jody's, filling up on backpacks' worth of snacks.

They get to the house and are met with endless hugs and excitement to match. Patience, Alex, and Jody are already working on dinner for the bunch, while Charlie, Donna, and Kaia are running around prepping for the next day and dragging along a hesitant but nevertheless happy Claire. Dinner is chaotic and loud and there are way too many people at the table, and Dean has to step outside after a while.

He sits on the back porch steps. Claire joins him. She's holding a beer, he's not. He hasn't been drinking for a few months now. They don't talk, but she leans her head on his shoulder and they stay there a while, looking at the stars.

When they go back inside, Claire sits back down in her spot at Cas's left, across the table from Dean, and leans on his shoulder for a while too. It's her way of saying she cares, of saying I missed you without really saying it. Jack sits at Cas's right, talking excitedly with Patience about some tv show or other, and the image fills Dean with such fondness that he reaches over with his foot, presses it to Cas's ankle, and keeps it there for the rest of the night.

Dean, Cas, Jack, Sam, and Eileen spend the night spread out around in the living area while the girls sleep in their respective rooms, and Dean is only slightly less nervous as he falls asleep holding Cas’s hand.

---

The nerves all come flooding back as he’s parking the Impala the next morning.

They’re not able to get even remotely close to Phillips Avenue since the streets are so full. They park the three cars that all twelve of them came in as close as they can and then have to walk for another twenty minutes. From blocks and blocks away, people walk and holler and greet them excitedly, many of them trying to circle this swarm of flanneled individuals that are taking up a whole sidewalk. Granted, Dean and Claire are the only ones in their usual kind of outfit. The rest of the bunch is wearing as many colors as they could compile from their closets, half of them are wearing face paint, and the other half are carrying an assortment of pride flags.

They fit right in.

The walk toward the main avenue of the parade is kind of a blur for Dean. He knows he waved at a few people, some friends of Alex from high school joined the group at some point, and Jack already grabbed a snack from his backpack.

The actual parade is also kind of hazy. Getting out of the house that morning had been probably even more chaotic than the night before, so they’re a bit late and the parade has already been going for a good half hour. On top of that, they accidentally merge into it not quite at the starting point but a bit further down the road, in between a decked-out pickup truck and a group of people with dogs. Music is blaring, the dogs are all barking, a big float rides a few yards in front of them, and hundreds stand on the sidewalks recording on their phones and cheering them along.

Dean’s not sure they’re even supposed to be in the actual parade. Maybe they’re supposed to be on the sidewalks? Is this right? What is happening, what is he even doing here?

He doesn’t notice how heavy he’s breathing until Cas is squeezing his hand and beckoning him to meet his eyes. He does, and the blue in them, as imposing as the Atlantic, drowns out everything else around them. “You’re okay, my love,” Cas says. It’s a fact. As long as Dean is with him, he’s okay.

On his other side, Dean feels someone link their arm around his. It’s Charlie, and she’s beaming at them, her cheeks almost as red as her hair. It brings Dean back to reality, grounds him, but he’s okay now. He’s not alone, and he’s meant to be here.

He’s proud to be here.

The parade leads up to a sloping park, and at the lowest point of it, there’s a stage where Dean assumes someone will MC for the afternoon, or maybe perform. It’s grandiose in its simplicity, kind of like a Greek theater, with everyone settling down on the grass around it, expectantly.

“We’ll be right back,” Dean hears Sam say, and he turns to find they’re all set to spend the afternoon, towels laid and backpacks off (save for his). “Jack wants to go meet the drag queens,” Sam says with just a bit too much glee before he and Jack take off.

“It’s not just Jack,” Eileen smiles and follows.

Cas is already sitting, eating one of the PB&Js he packed as lunches for everyone. Jody and Donna are settling down as well and Charlie’s taking a dozen pictures, but the rest of the girls are all standing. “We’re gonna go check out the vendors,” Claire announces, and they start to take off as well.

“Be careful, please!” Dean calls after them, but they pay him no mind. He turns to Charlie. “Hey, your majesty, keep an eye on them will you?”

She smiles, bows gracefully, and heads in the same direction.

Jody stands and grabs Dean by the arm, beckoning him to talk in private for a second.

“What’s up?”

If Dean knows Jody at all, and he does, they’re on the brink of a mom talk.

“Look around, Dean.”

“What for?”

“Just look,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Please?”

So, at her request, Dean starts taking in the environment. Now that everyone is gathered, he can actually see all the people that came out (heh) for the event. There are church groups, pet shelters, skateboarders, and rollerskaters. Drag queens are already taking pictures by the stage, and at least two people are wearing unicorn heads. A few vendors’ tents and food trucks surround the park, and rainbows completely dominate the scenery. There are elders, and kids, and all kinds of families and couples, and everyone looks… happy. Free.

And Dean is here with them. He is one of them.

There’s no danger, no monsters of any kind. No one to judge him, hurt him, call him sick in the head.

He finds Claire’s blonde head amongst the sea of shoppers at the edge of the park. She’s holding hands with Kaia and has one of the biggest smiles Dean has ever seen on her face. There’s no shame in it, and she’s not in any danger either. Things are different now, and she has the freedom to be herself that he never had at her age.

He has it now too. He can be himself.

Dean doesn’t realize he’s about to cry until Jody pulls him down into a hug.

“Dean, I am so proud of you.”

And then he cries.

---

They spend the afternoon laying on the grass, eating, drinking, and enjoying the festivities. The girls come back from the vendors’ tents after a full hour, and most of the bags on their arms are Charlie’s. She gets Cas a mug that says bee yourself in rainbow colors with an image of a cartoon bee, and she gets Dean a button pin that says AC/DC in pink and blue. There’s a meaning behind that apparently, and Dean decides he’ll look it up later.

Jack memorizes all the drag queen’s names. Donna takes a million pictures. They trade numbers with a few people.

There’s a big fireworks show just after sundown. It starts to get windy and a bit chilly, so Dean grabs the nearest pride flag and wraps it around himself. Cas, the perpetual freak who just doesn’t feel temperature apparently, is wearing a t-shirt and shorts and smiling at him unabashedly.

“What?”

“That’s the bisexual flag.”

So it is. “Shut up,” Dean says, but he’s smiling too. “You want in on this?”

He doesn’t wait for Cas to respond before he wraps it around his shoulders as well. The fireworks continue.

“You know,” Cas says after a beat. “As beautiful as they are, pyrotechnics are extremely damaging to the environment.”

Dean can’t help but laugh because of course, Cas would say something like that in a moment like this. He laughs and laughs and regrets being the only one to have heard that; then again, he’s the only one who could’ve found that funny.

He laughs a bit more, wipes a tear, and sees that Cas is still just solemnly watching the show.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?” He replies and then turns his head.

Dean wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so bad. Then he remembers where he is, physically and in his life right now, realizes whom he’s surrounded by at this very second, and decides that he can.

So he does. It’s not unlike the way he kissed Cas when they rescued him from the Empty. Granted, there’s less sweat, blood, adrenaline. But just like that day, they’re both on the ground, and the gesture catches Cas by surprise. Just like that day, Dean pulls Cas in gently by the back of his neck and there’s no hesitance or fear. Just like that day, he just does it, presses their lips firmly together, and relishes in the taste of Castiel, in the feeling of the person he loves most in this world kissing him back.

The one big difference is this: that day marked the beginning of the rest of his life. Today? Today is just Dean’s first Pride.

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jean-does-not-have-a-horseface · 4 years ago

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Only Time Makes It Human 3

Part 1 | Part 2

A/N: hi and sorry for the long wait, I had to squish my brain real hard to get this chapter out, but I hope you like it, I decided a chapter about growth wasn't enough and y'all gave me an idea for angst so I just splashed it there and we'll delve into it more on the next chapter. 10/10 the idea works well enough for me to bring Levi and reader together even more. So don't call me out on being random. This is raw, un fucking edited, I'll edit later 💗

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Tags: modern au, college au

Warnings: mentions of blood

Special kudos if you figure out why I used this gif ;)

The problem with your feet being numb in the morning when you woke up wasn't supposed to phase you as much as it currently did, but the weathering cold that had barged its way to your room silently begged to have you feel something other than the everlasting whirlpool of regret.

Which was -unsurpisingly- something you had been spiraling into a lot lately.

Your ringtone -or rather the caller that had caused it to go off- nontheless remained mercilessly unforgiving to your current condition. The brute vibrations that accompanied your once favorite song ripped through the air and bounced on every wall inside your room before it wooshed inside your eardrums.

You fucking finally had to change that ringtone, you thought.

Your feet, moist and heavy as they buzzed with the aftermath of the coma-like sleep you had just gone through, struggled to wiggle from underneath the comfort of your blankets. Your hands instinctively rubbed the underside of your nose as you sniffled all the cold of the room around you. Throwing the blanket off of you, you groaned at the non stop ringing of your phone.

The few steps to your desk felt like an eternity of having to walk with a badgy weight on your feet, but the faint feeling in your body didnt come to an halt even after you picked the device in your hands. Your eyes couldn’t really adjust well to make out the ID of the caller, of course, sleep hadn't rubbed off your eye lids yet, but still you slid the emerald button to acceptance with no resistance.

“Hey” you sleepingly moaned.

“Hellooo! (Y/n)!” Hange called enthusiastically for the other line, her joyous voice piercing your eardrums “Where are you booo?”

“I just woke up why?” you yanwed.

Pacing your eyes around your room you noticed the dull daylight creeping in through your blinds, signaling the gloom of another potentially snowy day for Trost. You blinked as you took notice of the few articles of soon to reside in the laundry bin clothing as well as the dress that hung from your closet door.

And then, it all snapped.

“Oh. shit!”

Anxiety rushed through you like a bullet to the gut, gushing numbness and waves of cold sweat from the point of impact. Forcefully, you ripped your phone off your ear and double tapped at screen to make it light up. The date read December 25, and below it, laid numerous notifications of your alarm and even a pop up reminder from last night to not forget the food you had to take with you.

Thinking back to that, your head started spinning like crazy, the familiar, yet bizarre feeling of your stomach dropping overtaking you. You hadn't cooked, rather, you had spent all night drinking and sulking on your own, cursing yourself for all your choices up to date.

"Yes, oh shit!” Hnge laughed “Oh! You forgot?”

"Hangeeee stop screaming oh my god no I didn't forget, I'm on my way okay?"

A little yelp came out of your mouth as the cable of your charger prevented you from taking another step closer to your bedroom door; letting out a curse under your breath though you quickly unplugged your phone, and rushed over the mess of your room and out to your living room.

"But you said you just woke up."

"Ahhh," you scratched your head, feeling your loose t-shirt sliding down your shoulder "no!" You said, then in a sterner voice you repeated "No! I uhm, I was just-"

Your poor excuse to communicate after having just woken up didn't startled Hange. If anything, she seemed to find it amusing because she burst into joyous, bubbling laughter at the sound of your despair. And you couldn't blame her for it; were you under any other circumstance you would be laughing with yourself as well.

"It's fine. Erwin and I are making a cake for shorty so if you want to cook here you have plenty of time yet. I'm going to say it though, we could really use your pastry skill."

You let out a sigh as you took your phone off your ear and pressed on the speaker icon. Your hands worked fast to grip onto the hem of your shirt and then, even faster, they managed to pull it off of you in shift movements.

"I'm just going to have a shower, dress up and I'll be on my way. It shouldn't take more than 30 minutes."

Hange exhaled in utter relief through the phone and you could practically feel her sheepish smile as Erwin shouted a big fat 'thank you' from the depths of his kitchen. Bringing out a hand to grap your shower cap -the only shower product you loathed using- you ripped the cap off its place on your cabinet and messily shoved all of your hair in it in rushed movements.

"Got any questions before I hit the shower Hange?"

"Please ask her" Erwin was heard and you cocked your head to the side at the sound.

"No Erwiin, we got it under control okay?"

"No we don't."

Shaking your head to prevent yourself from zoning out, you clicked your tongue before opening your mouth to address your two friends. Asking as to what they were referring to was easy, although it was obvious that Hange felt confident in succeeding in the task Erwin was referring to. Knowing Hange though, you thought you could guess perhaps what exactly was going on.

"Please don't mix food coloring with spinach juice to make the cake green like two years ago."

Erwin's laughter was pretty much evident through the other line as Hange went on blubbering about how she wasn't going to do it again giving extreme emphasis as to why she couldn't understand the reason it tasted bad in the first place but would go with what you said nevertheless. At that point Erwin was laughing hysterically, telling you how Hange was once again, indeed, thinking about it and the sound of his laughter grew even louder than Hange's words.

"Do you have food coloring?"

"Yes Hange I have food coloring."

"Plea-pleaee bring some. Dammit Erwin what's gotten into you- gotta go (y/n) see you in a while."

The beeping sound from the other line left you little to no time to properly reply to your friends with a much wanted greeting, though, you didn't think much of it. You were going to spend the whole day with them, so getting upset over not getting the chance to say goodbye over the phone wasn't something that should have caused guilt to spurt in you.

But surely, this wasn't the only cause of your overly bubbling guilt. The actual cause of the knot in your gut laid to the fact that within the time span of two weeks you had managed to to drag Levi and yourself into a rather steep rabbit hole. There was going to be a serious impact of your relationship with your friends had the two of you made it known to them; everyone would scold you -and they'd be right at that- and maybe this time they'd pick sides as to what wrong or not. And you didn't want that.

Although you secretly wished everyone went with Levi. Or at least you had come to the conclusion that that was what you deserved.

You had been feeling bothered and repulsed by what had caused you to make out with him that night, given the fact that you had been the one that initiated the kiss. And just as much, you had been feeling furious over Levi allowing this to ever happen. But looking back at it now, you couldn't say you regretted getting close to him even in such way. And that was probably the most infuriating thing of all.

Nevertheless, there was also the fact that you would be seeing Levi today and frankly you didn't know what to do with that. Should you act like everything was fine? Should you simply ignore him? Was Petra going to be with him?

Speaking of Petra it would be best if you straight up let her know of what had happened. Acting shady with another woman's man behind her back was outrageous for anyone to do and you hated being in that position like the next person.

Your stomach twisted dangerously at your spiraling thoughts, but you chose to ignore the tight knot, attributing the loud growl you had heard to one caused by your excessive hunger.

Perhaps, your shower was going to help you sort out your thoughts and intentions.

With a twist of your wrist the water started sprinting out of the tap in your shower. Your eyes were fixated on your phone, your thumb roaming through Spotify in hopes to find the perfect song to company your bath with. You simply said good for a Christmas playlist that Spotify suggested, tapping on that, a list of numerous jolly songs popped up in your screen and you simply pressed the big shuffle button before putting your head on your cabinet.

The walk to Erwin's house was very much and as previously expected, quiet. The sidewalks on your way were all covered in sugary white snow, decorating each different apartment complex in the non urban side of Trost along with the standard holiday decorations.

Taking a deep sigh you brought the back of your finger to the metallic button of Erwin's doorbell. Blinking rationally, you looked around at the marble front door frame of his apartment complex, your blood subtly rushing to your feet. You dragged the tip of your combat boot over the snow, curling your toes on the fuzzy material that covered the inside of the shoe.

You were beginning to become impatient as you waited on the doorframe, Erwin was taking way too long to open the door and you were practically freezing out there; the dress you wore did almost nothing to keep you warm. Despite you taking precautions by wearing a cardigan and the leather coat that you had snatched from your brother, the cold still pierced through your sheer black pantyhose, as if your efforts to stay warm were ridiculous.

The sound of footsteps was what startled you next but still your head didn't turn to the source of the buzzing noise. Your nose simply nuzzled to the scarf you had wrapped around yourself as you rubbed your face onto its warm fleece material.

"Uh, hi."

This time you could help but turn around to check who had thrown a greeting at you.

A familiar puff of ginger hair greeted you as you snuck your nose out of the edge of your scarf, two big and round hazel eyes stared right at you as you blinked rapidly back at them.

Great. Just great.

"Hey."

Petra wiggled her nostrils once to the left and then to the right, seemingly scratching the awkwardness in the atmosphere away. She blinked her eyes a few times into yours, her lips pursing together slightly as if she was coming up with a good comeback to your greeting, yet it never came.

"uhm, what's up?"

Your fingers slightly clutched the edges of your coat, crossing over your chest as you felt your jaw start clattering. Your pupils gathered at the corners of your eyes, catching small glimpses of Petra as you eyed her up and down.

She too had opted for a cardigan and a dress. A very safe choice if you were in a place to express your opinion but hers, despite being adorned with numerous tiny and dainty coral and red flowers, looked so thin and tule like and it barely covered her thighs, so much that you felt a pinch of concern run through you that you were slow to decide on whether you wanted to brush off or not.

"I'm.. good." She managed to let out, but you noticed how her lip trembled.

She was definitely shivering, if that wasn't concerning enough you didn't know what was, and she looked so frail and out of place that she could definitely beat you at it. Plus, the lack of a warm jacket struck somewhat of a nerve at you. Even feeling so much guilt over being in her presence you couldn't help but feel your motherly friend instincts wash over you; why wasn't she wearing something warmer? And why were you seconds away from taking off your jacket to offer it to her when you knew she wouldn't even accept it.

"Damn, Erwin's sure taking long, do you want my jacket?"

"Uh-"

Once again and mostly out of instinct, your finger tapped over the metallic button, covered by the edge of your sleeve. Suddenly, the familiar buzz of the intercom growled in your eardrum and you shook your head to its direction automatically.

"I'm so sorry!" Erwin said. "Come in!"

"Hey Erwin!" Petra spoke before you had a chance to say your wanted reply.

Even if you couldn't see him, you knew how shocked of an expression he was wearing.

Taking the few steps into the apartment complex's yard, you rushed to the next door and waited for the known buzz which signaled that Erwin had finally let you inside. With awkwardness spread over your face though, you pushed your lips into a thing line, holding the door back as you signaled to Petra that she should be the first to come inside.

"Thank you." She muttered.

"No prob."

You watched as Petra hesitated to push the elevator button; with a set of trembling fingers her palm rested only a few inches before the metallic button that was lit in a red arrow. With another smile you came closer to her and went to check in which floor the elevator was currently at. Whether she flinched intentionally or not, you didn't know.

"Wanna share a lift? It'll be a while till it comes down again." You offered.

"Uhm, yeah okay."

Once she responded, Petra tapped onto the elevator button with her thumb.

Petra looked at you and clung onto the edged of her cardigan once again. You took notice of how she looked a little more casual and unkept, despite being dressed on point; the lack of a jacket and her tousled naturally wavy bob betrayed an unwillingness to be present to today's event and it's was painfully obvious.

"I'd like to" Petra hesitated, "I'd like to talk to you about something."

"Oh sure, what is it about?"

"It's about Levi."

Dead silence fell as Petra didn't dare turn her gaze to your direction. The little screen over the elevator button still showed that your lift was taking long to come down as if it mocked you, but you couldn't find it in you to tap into the button once again.

"Would you like to grab some coffee with me tomorrow?"

Tomorrow.

To say that you were panicked would be an exaggeration and probably a degradation to Petra's feelings. Her breathing was heavier than your own, frankly because for her it must have been even more uncomfortable than it was for you. You couldn't blame her for that.

Nonetheless you couldn't help but be genuinely curious as to what she had wanted to tell you? It was evident that she knew something. What's slipped you was whether or not she want to bash you for your actions.

She had every right to do so.

"Yeah. Of course, uhh, tomorrow sounds good."

....

Christmas day wasn't as bad as you had expected it to be when Hange had announced to you that Levi would be coming alone with Petra.

For starters, the food was in plehtora; Erwin had cooked your jolly favorite roasted chicken, Mike and Nanaba had brought an enormous plate of their creamiest, most mouth watering souffle, Levi had made some god tasty pumpkin soup and Hange had taken actually good care of fixing a custom non alcoholic cocktail to each one of you.

All of this drool worthy deliciousness had caused, and non surprisingly at that, your body to submit in that peaceful demi slumber that tagged along with the fullness of your tummy. Frankly, it had been so long since you had enjoyed such a good meal and you didn't think you would be enjoying another one until Mikasa's birthday.

Thus, the cool evening sir that entered the room when Erwin opened the window door to the balcony, found you laying on the floor right next to the tangerine fire that danced in the fireplace. You could faintly feel Nanaba's hand scratch at the roots of your hair, her almond tipped nails slowly running in purringly mellow lines over your sculp that sent you to pure delight.

Levi's eyes danced over your form more than he'd like to admit so. Ever so slightly his pupils would travel up and down your thighs and calfs, examining the material of your sheer back pantyhose but whatever emotion overcame him wasn't the animalistic lust he had expected to feel.

He felt rather guilty. And not only for staring at your legs. For bringing himself upon the situation he was in.

It wasn't easy to think with a throbbing head but in Levi's world this poor condition was translated as a prompt to try to get out of whatever shithole he had found himself in. Maybe. Because there was also a certain part inside of him that bashed him to no end about his previous and degrading actions to both Petra's and his person, which part he completely and rationally justified.

With a quick glance at Petra, Levi brought his hand to his face to hopefully wipe any of the numbness his guilt had got him feeling. Petra seemed to enjoy herself as per usual. With her soft smiles and the mellow sway of her hair over her shoulder, she'd often reach for the hem of her white wooly cardigan to cover her shoulder while cooing into the soft material and onto the side of the couch she was seating in.

It would be hard for anyone to guess that the two of them had broken up.

She was unsurprisingly sitting as far off him as she could; the fact that they hadn't announced to anyone they had broken up because they didn't want the Christmas party at Erwin's to be ruined didn't mean she owned Levi to act like his faithful and bubbly dog.

It happened that night after he had stood her up at the movies.

Levi had gathered all of his determination and had managed to push all thoughts aside from the back of his brain, as he was despairate to ignore that feeling your make out session had brushed on him. He had walked up to Petra, all dissolved and stoic, his chest swelling with anxiety. He had stared at her with an agape mouth, he had been muttering words so honest that he felt were fatally brute and Petra had digested them all without any difficulty.

And before he knew it, he was over and done.

Petra hadn't cried, she hadn't wept, she had only answered him with a smile that she'd rather just be friends with him if things weren't going to work between them.

And to an extended it tortured the ravenette, mostly because he remembered the hurt look in her face before she had managed to hide it with her usual mellow smile.

Taking another sigh, Levi stared at Petra's hand while she played silently with the lettuce hem of her dress. Her hazel orbs were fixed on you, who laid before the fireplace like a stray cat on the tire of car during a snowy day. Levi couldnt exactly place the exact emotion behind Petra's expression, though it would be perceived by most as a saddened one. There were specs of regret gathering at the corners of her eyes, reluctance gathered at her slightly puckered lips and a hint of determination to the front tips of her eyebrows.

Maybe Petra's inner strength was something that Levi deeply admired.

Levi made no effort whatsoever to reach out to her to ask what was going on, not even to show some seemingly convern. The more he looked at Petra, the more it felt utterly wrong for him to simply stand next to her, knowing what he had do behind her back. Whether he loved her or not, it wasn't like him to be caught up in such stupid drama.

"Shorty!"

Levi looked up to an enthusiastic Hange with much tousled hair and a big grin on her face that spread from one ear to another. With another, more thorough glance, he quickly became aware of the cake in her hands; a cake covered in white frosting, decorated with soft pastel green letters that wrote a simple birthday wish to his person. He couldn't help but let out a sigh.

"For you!" Hange smiled further "Erwiiin, come light up the candles!"

Looking around the room he noticed how all of his friends' gazes were on him. Mike and Nanaba remained cuddled on the couch opposite to the one he was on, Petra was mellowy smiling at his eith her cherry lips pressed into a thin line and you were fiddling with what seating arrangement was most comfortable for you at the moment.

"We're celebrating another year where you went up in age and down in height, how delightful." Mike commented, causing laughter to spark between the small group of people around you.

After the spur of happiness died out your eyes met with Levi's, briefly and then they traveled anywhere else in the room altogether.

"Let's light up the candles!" Smiled Erwin as he flicked the small metallic button of his lighter.

"I don't want too many, shit. The last time you took my lungs out."

"Not our fault that you're old Levi!" You spoke, earning a half smile by the ravenette.

"Very old!" Hange agreed.

"Tch, I'm only turning twenty six shut your shitty mouths!"

The warm light of the fire licked each waxed strip of wick that hung from the candles, illuminating Hange's face in warm orange light. Once done with lighting up the candles, Erwin plopped himself in between Levi and Petra, crossing his hands over his knees as he shifted his bottom in the most uncomfortable seating on a couch you had ever witnessed.

You merely caught a glimpse of Hange kneeling before Levi as you dragged your gaze over to Petra, fixating it on her for the thousandth time this evening.

There only was one thing in your head that bounced between the crevices of your brain like crazy. Just one simple words that held so much behind it.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow you were going to apologize to Petra and try to make amends. Being the despicable toxic person you had turned into didn't suit you. Owing up to your mistakes was the first step to redemption and you weren't afraid to take it.

As you fell into a spiral of thoughts and guesses about tomorrow though, you couldn't help but subtly ignore the cheerful sing alone to Levi's birthday song.

.....

"Thank you for coming!"

Petra's hair was messily swaying all over her face, falling a direct victim to the frozen December air, yet she smiled as if nothing was going on.

The park around you was covered in snow. White was primarily the color that was plastered on everything, save for the dry stems of trees that were once covered in forest green leaves.

Your peeping hot coffee did nothing to warm up your hands, despite your best wishes and in the moment you had called victim to some specs of jealousy over Petra's gloved hands as they rubbed soothing over her own coffee.

"Of course, I had been meaning to talk to you as well."

"Oh you did?" Petra spoke with her eyebrows following the little surprise that was masking her tone. "To be honest, I didn't think you'd come."

"Yeah about that-"

"Can I please go first?" Petra cut you off.

Her huge hazel eyes that blinked into yours from your left side left you little to no space to deny her wish. Thus, by taking a sigh, you pushed past the quick beating of your heart and gestured her to go first with a kind smile on your face.

"Okay oof, thanks!" Petra huffed "look. Levi and I broke up. Now I know that you'll say it doesn't concern you, and frankly it'd be ideal if it didn't, but I know it does, because Levi explained to me what happened."

At that Petra slightly paused.

Naturallye first thing that came to your mind was the need to express an apology. Although, you weren't that sure if Petra would perceive the apology as sincere, you felt like you ought to give one to her. Yet her eyes blinked into yours further as she took another turn down the path you were walking on and you wordlessly followed asuit.

"I love Levi you know," she sighed "but Levi loves you. You're not over each other and it's painfully obvious, I mean you did just collided to eachother quite literally, not giving a single care about whether you couldn't have each other or not."

A sheer red colored tint painted your cheeks at her words.

Your skin pricked you, burning up a stingingly painful path to all of the pores on your face as shame took the form of an earth shattering wave. Your heart started heaping beats, hollering into the depths of your chest and you could hear it bounce inside your eardrums as if your whole body was hollow save for the jolting organ and the echo of the sound it made was bouncing around each fleshy wall.

Petra was right and you couldn't help but accept but stand the as she was lightning you with her words.

"It hurts to see that someone that I love doesn't love me back but it hurts more to see that you two are very miserable without eachother. I really thought you were a bitch you know."

At the sound of that, you let out a startled laugh.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you just gave us looks when we'd shoe up together somewhere or you'd simply leave, but I don't like turning my back on people and judging them like that. I'm in no place to judge anyone a coping mechanism."

Petra sighed. Her fingers curled strongly onto her cup, while her left palm went to support the cup by the bottom as she angled it on her lips. She made a tiny gulping noise as she drank a sip from her latte, her nose crinkling up as the hot beverage brushed over her sensitive tongue. In turn, you sipped similarly, mimicking Petra just hoping it would serve as a sign for her to go on with her speech.

"I might be hurt, but I vouch to help you and Levi resolve what's going on and get back together."

"You do?"

"Mhm"

"Petra I, I don't know what to say you- you're a literal angel." You admit and the guilt in your stomach only growled in its awakening.

You and Levi had hurt a wonderful person. Petra didn't need to be nice to you, she didn't need to offer to help you with anything but once you made yourself step inside her shoes you were able to see why she had perceived you the way that she initially had.

"I'm sorry."

Your voice was silent and stripped of any emotion other than shame yet Petra was beaming at you in response.

Her warm smile was elegant and comforting as she stared at you, taking another gulp of her drink with a soft giggle. Your eyes were locked with hers, saddened (e/c) irises staring into her hazel ones, as she smiled even more little by little.

It was strange.

There was a different kind of bubbling inside your chest and you knew because your heart wasn't hammering anymore, not was your stomach trying to be ripped apart in tiny pieces after it vored into your other intestines. You felt serene, at peace even.

It clicked to you that this is what must feel to be forgiven.

"It's fine, plus you guys kinda deserve each other." Petra laughed at your chocked inhale, pressing a comforting, gloved palm to your shoulder. "I'd rather find my happiness when I'm not in between two people that struggle to find theirs."

Petra nuzzled to the comfort of her jacket, giving you a scrunched up bunny smile. You knew it's not that she hoped you could be best friends after this. She simply wanted to make sure that she could do her best to help two people find happiness. And it wasn't all that bad, you figured. You didn't know what you would do were you in her place.

In a way, you admired Petra for being so strong.

"Besides, girls shouldn't bring down other girls."

"Yeah, and I'm sorry about what I did behind your back. I own up to my mistake. I can't take it back but I can promise that I won't become this toxic ever again."

You shot an apologetic side smile at her as you followed her tracks.

Taking a new look in your surroundings, you deeply inhaled the cold air, filling your lungs in shivering winter freshness. A few specs of snow were adorning Petra's hair as the fell from the sky in a dainty manner, licking the stray threads that popped from her wooly gloves.

There definitely was a commotion a few blocks away. You could hear sirens go off not so far from your spot but you chose to ignore them, it was typical for a city person to filter out unnecessary noise, and having to live in Trost added tons to what you had to filter or not.

"It's December twenty six and the two is back to being a Mayhem." Petra sighed.

"It's like we're Gotham or some shit."

"Gotham?" Petra blinked at you, earning a gasp from you.

"Step one to being the friend of someone who's majoring in comics-"

"Oh, friends yay!"

Shaking your head, to ignore the child like enthusiasm, you continued, "Please know the most well known fictional city, it's Batman's city too."

"OH!" Petra's mouth fell agape as she took in the information, but she quickly giggled again as she saw that you easily took a gulp of your beverage "you're right."

For what seemed like a second you felt at peace once again. Petra bubbled about how she wanted to apologise to Levi about her rather cold behavior last night, and explained in the most non detailed way how it was the memory of the passing of her mother that had caused her to become this grumpy.

"Don't worry Petra! But beware, you could be turning into Levi version two point oh and-"

A loud sound startled you, sending both you and Petra back a few steps. Dumbfounded, you stared at each other and around you, locking eyes with different by passers that were just as shocked as you.

"Maybe we should go back!" Petra suggested. You simply nodded, hearing a good amount of running footsteps coming to the direction of the block you were in. In any way, getting caught up with a manhunt wasn't in your plans for today

"Yeah maybe we shou-"

Your words were cut off absurdly, harshly and shockingly all together. As gunmetal orbs locked with yours, your eyelids shot open, hour mouth dropping to the snow covered concrete.

"Levi?"

Wait, Levi? That was actually so random

Before you could manage to process what was going on around you, or why on earth Levi had just popped up from the alley right across you another head splitting sound filled the air.

Levi -yes, this was indeed Levi, you just didn't really know how to process this- collapsed on his knees like a rag doll, his torso and head giving in to the exhaustion of his body. Once he fell, you stood frozen, shieldimg Petra with one hand as the two of you watched in horror while crimson started littering the sugary snow.

"Call an ambulance." You spoke dryly, eyes still wide with horror.

The people who had seemed to be after Levi quickly fell onto the hands of the hands of a handful of police men who were on their tracks, but you couldn't care to look at their faces. You just run towards Levi, always followed by a petrified Petra, your feet giving in as you kneeled right next to him, your fingers gingery ghosting over him just to inspect what was his condition.

You listened as Petra spoke with the emergency center in horror, explaining what was the scene before her eyes while struggling to keep herself from trembling.

"What's going on?" Shy muttered once she detached the phone off her ear.

"I'm pretty sure now is not the right time for a story, but Levi used to be in a street gang in his teens."

"Oh boy."

Oh boy indeed.

Here's your gentle reminder that constructive criticism makes me cry because I'm a baby

Taglist: @sasageyowrites @liddolwhynot2000 @ackermans-freedom-inc @callmepromise @nobody-knows-anymore @levisbrat25 @thethyri @hawkssnugget @berrijam @melancholicmonologue

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fourfucksake · 4 years ago

Text

online meeting

pairing: chris evans x black!fem!reader

warnings: cursing, stripping, masturbation

word count: 4.2k

p.s this workpiece is set in an alternative reality. this is a professor!chris one shot + i imagined y/n as a black girl, but i hope every single one of you lovely people will read!

Heaps of new policies bombarded universities since the spread of the virus. The amount of preparation and paperwork that had to be completed due to the newest conditions in the teaching system made everyone stressed to the maximum level. Perhaps, that’s why teachers communicated more during those challenging times; only those who work in the same environment can relate to your work frustrations. Individuals whom before appeared almost invisible where now your online buddies. It was quite incredible though.

Chris enjoyed the feeling of this community being available for him whenever he feels like expressing his irritations and or simply desires to moan about his dislikes. Before, he has never considered himself to be a whiner, but since everyone has been constantly moaning and pouting, he thought this is the right time to join the club.

Taking into consideration the current state of the world he was assured that everyone is a complainer right about now. He was okay with that though. No doubt, he didn’t know much about psychology, however, it seemed only logical to allow people to talk about how they feel. Also, it appeared plausible people felt scared, confused, or worried. Hey, these were very surreal times. There was no reason to make others feel bad about having emotions.

Of course, there was some resentment towards certain members of University since all the teaching went online. Sometimes, Chris felt like most of his colleagues gave rats ass about regulations and procedures that were now put in place. Instead of trying to provide the best learning experience possible, they restricted themselves to slamming all the work materials online for students to figure everything out on their own.

Personally, he found online teaching unbearable and exhausting. He hated it; there were no words to describe how much he despised it. At first it was alright; it was tolerable and doable. In a way, it was nice. Being at home, able to wake up later than early morning hours. Being with his dog and going on long walks wherever he wished. Being able to take his time with cooking, exercising, reading. All of those mentioned were exceedingly pleasant.

However, Chris chose to be a teacher. He loved spreading his knowledge around. Since an early age he would teach his younger brother; he was much help when it came to revising, essay or exam tips. This was his passion, he loved it. This pandemic undeniably took this away from him. However, there was still room to provide students with knowledge this way, and he tried extremely hard to do so in most effective ways.

For example, he did not have to orchestrate his own online meetings to be this long. Half an hour, that was a long time slot. This was planned completely on purpose. Ultimately, his desire was to provide students with the time to talk to him, express their concerns, and ask questions. Maybe he took this job way too seriously, he thought, and it wasn't needed. However, there’s always this teacher everyone likes, and Chris wanted to be precisely that guy. It wasn't some stupid ego thing, not at all. He genuinely wanted people to feel like he is there for them and wants them to succeed. Every single individual had an ability to be successful, some just needed an extra push too keep them on track. Although his own schooling experiences where genuinely pleasant, he knew he would benefit more from University experience if he had a teacher like him. Not to lick his own ass, he thought, of course.

After years of working in the schooling system no errors have ever occurred. Until last year, when the last class prior to pandemic began their college journey. Back then and there a problem has arisen – you. It was no one else than little Miss Perfect, the girl who made him look twice when she entered the room. Oh, how tiring and fatiguing crushing on you really was. Chris was always collected and focused while working, but with you in his classes he found himself distracted. Often losing his train of thought, his mind shifted to dark places when your class sat in front of him. Chris was a perfectionist, so this was, in fact, greatly infuriating for him.

He did not feel this way since high school. Back in the day he was not the coolest kid you could walk past in the corridor. Thankfully, he has never had his head shoved in the toilet, but not being bullied did not necessarily mean there’s a successful high school experience behind an average American. In his own opinion, he was just a normal kid that had nothing to show for back then.

Precisely that, being average, was now the reason behind this familiar feeling. A pretty girl, a popular girl causing vivid emotions to flush down himself. Looking at her while she does the most ordinary things was the reason behind the uncomfortable state in his pants. His hormones went ill around her, reminding him of how tough being a teenage boy with no control over his erections was. It felt so familiar, craving her this badly, almost as if he’s done it before. Maybe, in a way, he compared you to someone he crushed on for the whole duration of high school. A beautiful skin complexion, addictive smile and those big, shiny eyes staring at his soul; those qualities of yours highly reminded him of her.

Chris remembered that girl very well. He recalled being fascinated by her presence, by her strong personality, and hypnotic prettiness. Her name did not pop up in his mind for years. Until he met you. Chris had Pearl, Pearl Bennett, tattooed on his brain back then. Needless to say, it was embarrassing how annoyingly beautiful she was. Just like you. Now, he didn’t even know if she was alive, he hasn’t seen her for years. It never really bugged him then, it didn’t bug him now. It was just a pleasant memory that he was able to recollect because of you.

He wasn’t sure about your feelings towards him. Mr. Novak, his colleague, often commented on the way some students would look at him. Chris regularly heard Novak claiming that Evans could get any of “that young pussy” if he only snapped his fingers. Whether it was true or not, he had no idea. Maybe, he was just humble. Or stupid, possibly very stupid.

The house was practically unoccupied now; his wife was dropping groceries off at her mum’s house and Dodger was nowhere to be found, most likely sleeping someplace in the house. Chris did not mind. In fact, he was relieved to have no other human being here. Since pandemic began his marriage decreased in its quality drastically. For quite some time existing relationship brought more annoyance than joy. He was not sure if it went both ways but noticing how regularly his wife exited their house in recent times it was healthy to assume the feeling was mutual.

How did he feel about his failed marriage? Weirdly, he was awfully okay with it. There was not a single part of him that cared enough to fight for this marriage any longer. Right now, all his thoughts were concentrated around another female. How she managed to look delicious without trying. How she smiled or laughed. How her faced twisted with grumpy expressions once she didn’t understand a certain concept of a lecture. Chris could go on, and on, and on.

It was not possible he could describe you in any other word than perfect. It was quite pathetic, he thought, it shouldn't be like that. Yes, you are a pretty girl and yes, no man can probably say no to you. There was just something about you, something so extraordinary that it took his breath away. What was this fascination? He wasn't sure. However, what he was positive about was that he enjoys looking at you. He enjoys listening to you. He enjoys thinking about you. He enjoys all those things way too much; he was aware of that. He was not ready to stop thinking about you just yet.

Now, sitting in front of his Mac, his eyes were focused on the screen. He wasn’t too up to date when it came to the modern technology, but he also wasn’t clueless to how to work a computer. Setting everything up, he glanced over at the previously printed list of names with time slots besides them. The list was not in alphabetical order, students had their half an hour available for the next eight hours of his life.

It would be a lie to say he was not thinking about you. He was looking forward to seeing your face, even if it’s only on the computer display. Your surname and student ID were somewhere halfway through the list. Naturally, he searched for your name straight away after the programme generated the list.

The ticking of the clock hanged on the nearby wall sounded out so clearly. Almost like a racing heart whenever one feels more strain than usual. He could feel the nervousness growing within him as the time passed. He almost felt bad for the kid who had his scheduled meeting right before you. Chris kept on stuttering, disconnecting, and asking for questions to be repeated. Unfortunately, there was no strength in him to think about the failed one-to-one since his brain was too concentrated on you. His favourite, little student.

His thought process was disrupted as a green dot appeared next to your surname, suggesting your online availability. Licking his lips and fixing his hair, his fingers position themselves on the mouse. One click and the signal began. Beep one, beep two, beep three.

“Hi, Mr. Evans!” Her bubbly voice caused Chris to smile. She waved and in response so did he. She seemed happy, her face expression indicated nothing but joy, he enjoyed it greatly. “Hi! How are you? How’s everything?” He asked with an honest curiosity, still smiling at his student. It’s been months since the last time they spoke without anyone else around. Of course, this was the first instance of them conversating in those settings, but he did not mind. Any type of physical interaction seemed impossible now and anytime soon. This was the best he could receive for a significant period for now.

Their faces didn’t shut for the first couple of minutes. Talking about the past months, Chris was quickly reminded of how smart and funny this girl infatuating really is. They seemed to be getting on well right from the first meeting. Weirdly, she had similar likes and dislikes as well as sense of humour. It was like talking to a long-term friend whom you haven’t seen in the longest time. He noticed her hair change, spotting the long knotless braids; in his opinion she looked completely stunning in this hairstyle. He was quick to comment on it and as a reply he was given a complement on his newest buzzcut.

Sadly, but still, he ended the chit chat to focus on discussing work material. Chris tried to stay on topic and somehow it was going well. For the next couple of minutes, he chatted about work. His hand travelled to the left side of his desk to glance at a list of things he wanted to mention, however, he got cut off by the voice emanating from the screen.

“Are those meetings being recorded, Mr. Evans?” She raised her eyebrows with interest spread across her face. Her back bent forward, causing her face to enlarge on his screen. “I mean like,” She continued and coughed. “Is anyone going to watch this later? Does anyone have access to this after we finish talking?” Her question expanded or rather multiplied, sounding out in Chris’ air pads. There was no denying he was conflicted about why she was asking this question. This was not his first online meeting and not a single individual showed any concern in this matter.

“Well, no, not really. If any of us wanted to report our meeting for any reason then I guess, um, I guess it is possible to reopen the video chat,” Slow nod was all he could do at this very moment. No doubt, he still was not able to understand the nature of her question. “If any of us found the other person’s behaviour concerning, rude or inappropriate then the IT services could recover this video chat.” He added in a robotic tone almost as if he were reading from the script.

“Would you want this meeting to get inappropriate, Sir?”

He chocked a little as his eyes widened. He wanted to slap himself across the face in response to his pathetic reaction. Shouldn’t the age gap mean something? Why was he behaving like he’s on her leash? Why was he this…nervous? Excited?

Assuredly, she should be the one who is intimidated, meanwhile it’s her making the first move. He wasn’t sure whether this simply comes from his politeness and gentles; obviously, momma Evans raised him to be a respectful man. It’s apparent, the fear of scaring you was blocking all his possible moves. Risk of being reported for improper behaviour in the workplace was also a worry of his, but it came nowhere near the terrifying theory of frightening you.

But here you were. Being indecent with him. And oh, how he loved it. How he enjoyed this single sentence leaving your pretty lips. Your remarks were more enjoyable and exciting than everything he has completed with the woman he married in the past year, if not longer.

Was he being delirious? Did your comment indicated what he thought it did? Possibility of his mind playing games on him was high. It’s so easy to assume things happened when you wish for them to happen.

“Do you want to make it inappropriate? Do you want me to be inappropriate with you, Sir?” A deep breath left his mouth and a shiver travelling down his spine followed. He was now sure; he did not misunderstand. This was not his imagination playing him, tricking him into believing there’s something here that does not exist. All of this was very real.

“Whatever you wanna be on this call — I’m happy with,” He managed to speak out loud, fixing himself on the chair. This was a bad idea, he thought once again, a horrible idea that could quite literally ruin his career. Was he going to stop? Prevent this from happening? No fucking way.

“Huh, you sure about that, Mr. Evans? I can get really filthy when I want. I am a naughty girl,” Your words hit him like a truck, and he couldn’t help the blood rush in his trousers. He licked his lips slowly and pressed his back onto the chair. He could say something, but he chose not to. Whatever you planned on doing suited him and there was not an ounce of interest in preventing you from doing so.

No further words were spoken. There was a moment of short silence that felt like forever. A moment for someone to back up, break this madness off. No one expressed a need nor a want to stop. She played with her nipples through her shirt before they journeyed up. The straps of her pale pink top slowly moved down her arm, his eyes patiently followed. To him, you were mesmerising. At this moment you had his whole attention.

Looking straight at him, her hands removed the top and carelessly dropped it on the floor. His eyes glued onto her as the soft material left her body completely. He tensed as his length twitched, reacting to her breasts and hard nipples. Her skin was complemented by the colour of a previously worn top but seeing her without it sent shivers down his spine.

Chris could feel the discomfort in his pants becoming unbearable, needing to expose himself immediately. With shame, but still, he slowly undid his zipper. For a while now the feeling downstairs was insufferable, pleading and begging to be uncovered by his hand. Chris gulped back the lump in his throat as he completely freed his member. The view on the screen made his dick ache, his length twitched, jumping again his tense stomach.

“Liking this?” She teased, firmly grabbing her breasts. His eyes darken when he took in all her naked presence. The way she touched herself, he wanted that too. He wanted to feel her nipples between his fingers. He ached to be close to her.

“I wanna see all of you,” His words escaped his mouth, hand firmly grabbing his cock. Without shame nor hesitation his member was stroked, slowly and decisively, as his back leaned on the chair comfortably.

She was quick to listen. So submissive, he though, hand still firmly hugging his man part. He observed as she stood up, taking a few steps back. Still looking at Chris, her body turned around in a circle. Her moves were slow, very captivating, making Chris feel like every single movement was in slow motion. He already adored her body.

Her hands roamed around her own body before she slipped her hand inside her shorts and panties. Subtle movements of her hands indicated she’s pleasuring herself right in front of him. By her expressions, he was able to conclude that she’s enjoying herself. She didn’t play with herself for too long. Pulling the defiant material down as her eyes travelled to his, she exposed herself completely. He felt his mouth dry at a sigh of her bare body. She gave him a sultry look, realising the power she now held over him.

“Is this how you like me, Mr. Evans?” She broke of the silence, still exposing her hot flesh. It took Chris a couple of second to even register the question, his imagination run too wild to focus now. “Do I like you naked? It’s certainly a more thought-provoking image than how I usually view you,” He teased, slightly raising the corner of his lips in a smug smile.

Licking his lips once again, he watched as she took a box from underneath her bed. It was a regular box, nothing fancy. Taking off the lid her hand searched inside for a short moment before pulling out a pink dildo. Suiting, he thought, always liking this colour on her. He admired how her skin tone was complemented by the shade.

“I love imagining it’s your cock fucking me instead of my dildo,” She said completely unprovoked, making Chris widen his eyes. They did something naughty, something filthy, yet this comment really threw him off. “I’m gonna show you how I play with myself when I think of you,” She added and waisted no time before sitting on the bed. Chris had to admit, he spotted the bed straight away when the call started. Picturing himself laying there, you next to him, he took some time imagining the wicked scene you two could create on that mattress.

“I will show you how much, how much I love picturing us together,” Her seductive voice reached Chris’ ears, his interest growing with every single second. There was this unexplainable fear within him at this very moment, fearing she is going to stop. He was helpless now, he needed her to entertain him long enough for him to reach satisfaction.

Licking his lips once again, he watched as she took a box from underneath her bed. It was a regular box, nothing fancy. Taking off the lid, her hand searched inside for a short moment before pulling out a pink dildo. Suiting, he thought, always liking this colour on her. He admired how her skin tone was complemented by the shade.

“I want you to watch,” His student said firmly, staring right at him. The sound of a dildo followed. Chris’ breath was caught in his throat straight from the anticipation of the next step she’s going to undertake. With hunger, Chris watched as she teased herself, rubbing her clit. The toy fondly slid inside of her, resulting in her lewd sounds and Chris’ silent moan.

Her nipples were hard, her unoccupied hand coming up to fondle them both whilst her bottom lip was taken hostage by her teeth. She was really enjoying herself; Chris could tell. The bed made a squeaky noise every time she moved. The call was so clear, thank God, he was able to enjoy every motion of hers. The moans, whimpers and groans escaping her pretty lips as she fucked herself with a toy. The quality of the video chat was good, but not great. He wanted to see her in full HD, he wanted to see the details. For now, though, viewing this was enough. This was damn good, so good. Those desperate hand movements, stuffing the length as deep as she could, it drove him insane. Oh, how he wanted to stretch her out like no one did before.

“Just like that, baby,” He groaned, squeezing his hard cock. He was conversating with you through moans, examining you as the vibrations caused tingles in your lower department. He couldn’t feel it, but he knew her pussy was throbbing and pulsing, desperate for more length to enter. His body parts were no different; his balls felt heavy and his dick was hard as a rock, begging for a dream release.

The heat began to grow within his body with each and every movements of hers. She kept him going, moaning his name, calling him daddy, reminding him who she’s pulling this show for. If only she had any idea what it did to him. A shaky hand wrapped around his length made rapid movements, fighting for his orgasm to arrive. Watching her, listening to her, it was magical. This craze he had within him, this fixation she caused – it was obsessive. A loud scream, her thighs closing on the pink toy and her eyes shut while she orgasmed was enough, it was everything.

The feeling of euphoria intensely swept through him as a creamy load exploded in his hand. She could not see it, but he knew she felt it. All that left his mouth was a silent “fuck” as he collected his breathe. Chris was in pieces, still processing previous events. It was now clear to him how he pleaded for that orgasm to happen, how he needed it. He was embarrassed to admit how strong, how intense, the load bursting onto his hand really was. Lucky for him, no one knew anything about it but him and himself.

„You liked this little show of mine, daddy?” Her voice awakened his senses, causing his mouth to water once again. She caught him looking at his crotch, now surely convinced what happened. She removed the toy from her body, a silent whimper followed. She threw it away on the bed like it was nothing, like it did not help them both cum just minutes ago.

“So much baby, so much. Can you show me s’more? One more time,” He breathed, looking at her with lust. She obeyed, without hesitation; her body rose from the bed and did a slow, full 360 to demonstrate her delectable features. Maybe, he was delusional, but he was sure her juices travelled down her leg. If he were right next to her, his tongue would have taken care of that.

“See you in a seminar, right, Mr. Evans?” Her sweet voice rang in his ears followed by his quick nodding. He had a chance to see her collecting the missing wardrobe that she then put on right before him. Chris could not help but notice her shaky legs. She sat down in the exact same position as before. She reached for a cup, drinking, and sipping the liquid through a straw. Now, she was back to her regular self, looking innocent once again. It slightly woke him up, brought half of him to reality.

“Yes, Miss. I will see you there. Be good, huh?” Chris said casually or at least he tried to do so. He was caught by surprise, convinced that he’s going to slur over his words more. He caught a glimpse of her eyes, forming as much of an eye contact as possible through the processor. Her current thoughts seemed impenetrable to him, although he always thought he’s amazing at reading facial cues.

“Me and you both know - I won’t.”

The last words of his current interest sounded from his Mac. Sending him a flirty wink before pressing the right button, she terminated the call. The intense orgasm left his hand still somewhat shaking. Eyes focused on the screen, he looked like he was awaiting another glimpse of her to come back.

Chris’ ecstatic state wasn’t quick to falter. It took another couple of minutes for him to do anything. Literally, anything. He was already late for the next meeting, which he felt absolutely no remorse for. His eyes lowered to look at the mess he produced; his mind displeased as he had realised, he needs to move to clean it.

Once again, it was just him and his usual surroundings. The call was over, just like that, almost as if it never happened. Despite his deepest longing, he could not go back to what just happened, he could not relive it. Your moans and whimpers performed in his head like a favourite song one would put on replay without a hesitation. He was craving more, his fingers curled into fists as he felt his cock hardening again. He was not sure what his next moves in this matter will be, but he was more than sure he needed to be inside this beautiful body.

#chris evans imagine #chris evans blurb #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagines #chris evans #professor!chris #imagine

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ready-to-obeyme · 4 years ago

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[OM!] (American) College!AU Demon Brothers

Scenario: Headcanons on the demon brothers as college students (specifically in the US because I don’t know how college works elsewhere), their possible majors, career goals, extracurriculars, ~GPA~ and whatever else I could think of + how meet you in college

Note: I’m hoping to do a Part 2 with the Undateables but honestly… we’ll see lol. This is based off something ~A~ and I thought of for our specific university but we’ve made it broad enough to share HAHA this turned out VERY long

Lucifer

Majoring in Political Sciences with a minor in Psychology

Pre-Law-- most likely immigration law or child custody (there’s definitely a backstory here)

Initially went to community college for the first two years to save up money to take care of his younger siblings

Rejected an offer to go to an Ivy League because it was too expensive; if his siblings ever found out they’d be furious that he’d give up on that chance, but he knows he can succeed wherever he goes (and besides, family is first)

Transferred into a 4-year university his junior year

Very high GPA-- VERY

In a professional fraternity with Diavolo and Barbatos

He didn’t think he’d join one either but Diavolo was the vice chair when he transferred in and the president the year after so… ~nepotism?~ and also Lucifer is charming as heck so no surprise he’d get in

Also rooms with Diavolo and Barbatos

Goes to the gym regularly just to keep fit; gets goaded by Diavolo and Satan into joining an IM team with his frat brothers and actual brothers-- probably basketball or flag football

Probably meets you at a interclub council meeting and mutters under his breath how useless the board members are and you overhear

“Never have I met more incompetent people.”

“Lmao mood”

“!!!”

Keeps sitting next to you at every interclub meeting then after because at least there’s someone that can keep his mind stimulated (thinks you’re hot if you’re competent btw)

If you somehow meet him on campus, he’s the type of guy to put his hand up and pretend he didn’t see you (just kidding, he always ends up saying hi anyways)

Will Absolutely Lecture You if you are procrastinating on studying especially if your midterm is, like, TOMORROW

Always ends up studying with him because he’s actually focused on studying and glares at you if you get distracted (but hey you get good scores in the end)

Mammon

Majoring in Business Econ/Economics, Minoring in Statistics

(always ends up in the middle of the “is econ a humanities or a STEM major” debate that leaves him left for dead)

Planning to work in Business as Finance -- probably has been treasurer or finance director for a club; can even see him being a banker if it suits his plans better

Goes to a four-year university

Decent GPA (or Lucifer would absolutely destroy him), and does REALLY well in mathematics classes

Would room with Lucifer and his posse if they all go to the same school

Probably in a Business Frat as well because he’s pretty charismatic when it comes down to it but was an RA for some of his years for the free rooming and dining hall privileges

Is a very chill and understanding RA (as in he smokes weed with you when he’s off-duty) but is surprisingly well-versed in dealing with roommate issues

Works part-time (gasp) to buy stuff off of Amazon and go out to places

Spends a lot of time exploring places with his friends, going hiking, rock-climbing, clubbing-- which is expensive, as it turns out, so he needed to be able to afford it somehow

Meets you when you’re eating your lunch outside somewhere and he asks you if you have a dollar he could borrow for a vending machine snack

You exchange numbers with him so he can pay it back (even though you honestly don’t really need it, but why not) and turns out he’s in your GE class

“Heyyy wassup! So glad I have a friend in this class”

“Oh by the way, did you finish the homework? Haha, I forgot it.”

Mammon always repays you for your help in food though so you aren’t complaining

Leviathan

Majoring in Computer Sciences

And honestly that’s too much for me already-- the man is doing computer programming, coding-- WHEW-- and they do NOT rest

Goes to a community college but honestly has no problems cinching internships. The computer is his domain-- online applications are EASY, doing projects NOT as easy, interviews? HARD-- REALLY HARD (someone help him)

Probably intends to work with a big company like Google if only to help supply his income so he can live his life going to AX and buying merch

Most likely moved out of his house mid-college with his online friends (who are luckily compatible with him living-space wise) and visits home once a week

There’s two potential sides you can meet first:

Either you meet him at a convention and you both gush about the same character and anime and somehow find each other online (not college related)

Or his favorite Ruri-chan keychain gets broken off in the computer lab, and you’re the one running after him to give it him

He may or may not owe you his life after that (and if you enjoy anime, well that’s a bonus)

Both of these meetings can happen if he doesn’t recognize you in class because you were in cosplay-- imagine the surprise

The two of you as friends are MASTER PROCRASTINATORS at every assignment the two of you have-- so low-key not a great influence-- but you have fun together watching animes, playing games, talking about life-- anything but actual work

Always ends up scrambling to finish things-- but he keeps doing it because it’s been working for him so far

You help him prepare for interviews because he’s always nervous before each one regardless of how well his application looks

Satan

Majoring in Comparative Literature AND Anthropology (ya boy is doing the whole nine yards)

Planning to get his Master’s and then a PhD in one of his majors (whichever proves to be more engaging for him)-- visibly excited to become a Professor

College was meant for Satan-- like REALLY; the man is in LOVE with learning; most likely to go and be accepted to an Ivy-League after Lucifer but... truly believes you can get a good education anywhere so it depends on his financial standing (and how much scholarship he gets)

Does get a little disgruntled when his classes aren’t available but doesn’t mind learning something new-- if the professor bores him to death, he’ll read the book

Really good at tutoring people; someone suggests that he works as a peer-learning facilitator/writing tutor and he does-- might as well make bank doing something you always do anyways

Joins a writing/journal club as an extracurricular and a club that provides tutoring services to the underserved community-- surprisingly good with kids!

He knows friends in high places, so if he wanted to, could get into any party without batting an eye and his favorite professors love him

Spends a lot of his time going out to the city and exploring places, similarly to Mammon, rock-climbing, hiking, paragliding-- anything

He is VERY well-rounded as you can see; competes with Lucifer to see whose GPA is better though

You probably meet him during office hours, and you can only stare in awe as he asks questions that you had in mind, but better; if you’re visibly confused about something, he’ll take his time to help you too (it’s habit at this point)

Ask him for his contact info and you’ll get it, and maybe repay him in coffee? (You always see him at the cafe on campus.)

Most likely to have a specific spot in a cafe that he is always at that the workers actually save a spot for him or give him his usual order before he even arrives-- may or may not have helped them edit their essays or with their homework as a thank-you so you KNOW they’ll love him forever

The type of person to help you make flashcards and cram if you need it

Asmodeus

Majoring in Dance and Fine Arts (I HC going to NYU specifically)

Considering going for an Master of Fine Arts degree but he might just move to New York and go for being a Broadway Star

College is mainly just training for him and hoping to land gigs in local theater-- and the university theater if there is one-- and building his resume for his big break

Has SO many extracurriculars, all pertaining to his career choice, but also because he enjoys what he does: drama, competitive dance team, acapella, fashion design

Makes an unbelievable amount of friends, incredibly good at networking

The first time you saw him was when he was performing for a local theater and you were in love with his performance, and the next time you saw him in the hallway of a classroom building, you told him how much you enjoyed it

Always accepts compliments about his looks with grace, but there’s something about truly being admired for his acting and singing that has him preening

Invites you to come out to his next performance, and if not his, then to another play-- and it can be a date, but up to you ;)

The man is the KING of Multiple Talents and has big dreams to match

Always finds a way to hang out with you and drag you to every club that he can use his fake-id for (and when he’s actually 21 and above, gets a little offended that he doesn’t get ID’d)

A night in the town with you is always a good night!

Sometimes when he has practical exams coming up, he asks you to watch him perform-- and he likes your compliments but actually takes getting all the moves seriously so you better pay attention!

Most likely to move far away to reach his dreams, but he would take you with him if he could-- his little star

Beelzebub

Majoring in Physiological Sciences

Pre-Nursing or Pre-Sports Medicine

He’s a little undecided, but he’s definitely going to go into the health field because he likes the idea of being able to use his strength to help others

Gets a scholarship from the university because he’s part of the football team, which is actually pretty hard on him because Fall Semester/Quarter he has to keep skipping classes for games

Always brings a snack to eat with him during lecture-- and is not afraid to bring his entire lunch and make it right in the front row, though he tends to stick to the back because they tend to have electrical plugs

You most likely meet him during lecture: he offers you an entire sandwich (not a chip bag, not fruit snacks, an entire LUNCH) because he heard your stomach growl during class

From then on, you collect notes for him when he’s gone from games and even go to games if you aren’t usually the type to just to see how he’s doing; it’s hard trying to find you among the huge bleachers, but he always asks you where you’re sitting anyways

Really appreciate it if you help him study into late at night because it IS hard balancing sports and academics

He most likely doesn’t really have any time for anything else so he usually makes up for it during the rest of the year when training is less to volunteer in the hospital or at the gym as a personal trainer

If you ask him to teach you how to properly lift weights, he’ll definitely help out and the both of you can work out together-- though you feel bad when he has to add four extra weights to each side after you finish your reps

Belphegor

Majoring in Computer Graphics/Animation

Intending to go into making animation or game design-- is one of the brothers who doesn’t really know exactly what he wants to do yet because he’s afraid that doing what he loves as a job will ruin it for him

His family reassures him that they’ll support him whether or not he continues with his path in life, but he’s considering art school and then taking internships in places so he has a better idea on what he wants

Most likely to sell his own original work and become a full-time artist regardless

I think you already know how you meet him-- he’s sleeping in a lecture hall-- either against the wall or on the small piece of wood they call a desk when class ends and he’s still sleeping; and you wake him up

Sleepily thanks you and continues to sleep through every class that you wake him up to; when you ask him why he doesn’t just go home and sleep, he tells you he’s too lazy to walk back and forth from his dorm/apartment to campus (mood)

When you add each other on Snapchat or something, he sends you pics of ‘places to nap’ on campus

You always end up studying together because he’s actually pretty good at understanding lecture stuff despite not being awake for most of it-- apparently he’s used to teaching himself

Will make you art for your birthday and will vehemently refuse payment so he just tells you to take him out for dinner instead

If you talk about how you’re not sure on what you want to do in life too, he’ll probably say ‘mood’ but is most likely to encourage you to do whatever you want to do in life too

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me shall we date?#ngl i would date beel in this au 100%

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homunculusalphonse · 3 years ago

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“Please, Lars. We let you move into the attic, but your grades are still below average.”

[ID: lars’ report card, reading from top to bottom 6 consecutive Fs, one B, a D and another F. /End ID]

i personally headcanon that lars dropped out of school but he eventually went back to finish high school for his parents’ sake. he moves back into their house, and in the meantime he gets a job at the big donut to compensate. we see though that lars doesn’t seem any interested in school or his job save for one subject with a B (still wonder what it could be)

i think it’s mainly because lars is depressed - and to me he has been bullied at school during childhood -, so it’s not that he doesn’t want to make the effort, but more that he can’t. after he comes back from space, i lean more in the conclusion lars doesn’t get his diploma, but his parents don’t pressure him. lars is hired by mr. dewey to work at the big donut again, so when he has enough money he opens spacetries.

i kinda disagree with lars going back to space in SUF (at least imo that wouldn’t happen in at least five or ten years instead of two), so i like to think lars probably applies for some baking courses or goes to community college remotely just to have some more experience.

#captain's log #steven universe #meta #su meta #food #bullying mention tw

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hadtochangemyurlquick · 3 years ago

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a redemption arc for a man like dave goodkind is such a vile thought to me. i mean obviously head canon whatever you want there’s always going to headcanons someone disagrees with. but growing up in an extremist religious household like the one he seems to have run - with conversion therapy sessions in your living room and demonstrations of conditional love that ends when you decide to live your true life is awful. this is coming from personal experience. the trauma that results from it. a redemption arc is not always necessary nor realistic. some parents, as much as we may love them, to our own detriment, will not change. and to call him your favorite character? jesus lol thats insane.

oh my god i love when i get asks in my inbox from 2am ramblings i don't remember writing. genuinely, thank you anon. i love the excuse to talk about this even if i don't remember the post at all and woke up this morning very confused. i am going to stand by it bc standing by all your words and never rethinking them is a fool proof strategy that can never go wrong (sarcastic <3)

as you can see i'm not gonna proof read this answer but bear with me bc i am gonna spit extrememly straight facts and at the end you will understand me and might even agree with me.

so when i say dave goodkind is my favorite character what do i mean by that?

i mean it like when i say my history class about slavery is my favorite course right now. i don't like slavery, but i love learning about it. learning about the stories of resistance, the culture that failed to be entirely repressed, the primary sources and the shitty textbooks we have to sift through for nuggests of gold (sick california gold rush reference) i mean it's a brilliant course.

still don't like slavery.

listen, i did not grow up in a religious extremist household. but i do know what homophobia feels like. and media loves to portray homophobia like this:

(for blind folks i don't know how to do image id but it's a screenshot from the you need to calm down by taylor swift music video of some of the protestors featured, i included it bc it was the first example i could think of not bc i have a problem with our girl)

angry poor white people, with crazy hair and sunburns and trucker hats and buck teeth.

and it's because the media looks like this:

(for blind folks again, the images are of Robert Iger, chairman of Disney, Jason Rothenberg, showrunner of the 100, and Joss Whedon, showrunner of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, they are all wearing suits)

but in reality, homophobia look like this:

that’s right kids. put on your gus-is-going-off-the-rails-on-a-socialist-tirade-again hat bc: it’s all about class.

now this isn’t to say there are no poor white people with buck teeth and crazy hair that are homophobic. religious extremism is often used as a way for rich people to manipulate poor people, and it’s no surprise so many of them fall prey to it. it all comes back to this problem: poor people have no community. people of color have their community, queer people have community, but poor people don’t like each other. it’s why this is one of my fave snl sketches. it says, much more eloquently than I ever could, that it’s all about class until it isn’t.

so. dave goodkind. dave goodkind is rich. he owns his own business, he wears nice clothes and buys organic food for his kids. all his kids are beautiful and he takes them on ATV rides on his massive property. dave goodkind and his wife probably both went to nice colleges where they go nice degrees, and their parents probably went to college too. there’s a good chance even their parents went to college too.

and dave goodkind is homophobic.

so that’s a big piece of why i love him so much. i love that he’s not in a wife beater with a giant beer belly, abusing his kids and getting drunk all the time. i love that he’s not sexually assaulting random girls and carrying picket signs around. he’s not a carciature, he’s not an exaggeration. And shelby is. Shelby’s a blonde southern belle, who loves horses and america too. she’s got a thick accent she makes thicker and she hides behind this stereotype to avoid being seen.

i also think dave goodkinds abuse is so well written. the way he carefully coordinates his attacks and his love. we think of conversion therapy and we think of electroshock therapy, we know that’s not real but we still know about the violent physical abuse that happens and continues to happy in churches all across america. but sometimes conversion therapy looks like this:

(an image of rick from the miseducation of cameron post movie, sitting by himself and eating cereal, he is alone.)

or this:

(an image of dave goodkind holding hands with kyle, they’re praying)

it’s just not something often depicted with so much care. so yeah. he’s my favorite character. his style of abuse, his background, it all fascinates me. i want to know what he was like to shelby as a child, i want to know what he was like as a child, i want to know about his parents. i find it interesting in the same way i find my history class interesting. because what makes my history class my favorite is that it’s my favorite thing to learn about, and that’s what dave goodkind is for. if you wanted to know my favorite class to be in, i’d just say lunch, and probably leah.

okay, so now your next point: redemption arcs.

“a redemption arc for a man like dave goodkind is such a vile thought to me.”

wtf!!! why!!!!!!!

shouldn’t we want all people to change???? shouldn’t we hope and pray that tomorrow they wake up and realize their shitty actions!!!

my point of the post is that our hatred for dave goodkind (and i do hate him if that wasn’t clear) blinds us to the reality of shelby’s love for him. she really does have an important and terribly onesided bond to him . and yes, obvious the hope in a lot of abusive relationships is that the victim will get out. but for parents it’s different, we know he wasn’t always abusive, we know that at one point, she really did have a lot to gain from her relationship again. who’s to say she can’t still have a lot to gain?

there is value in parental relationships, and sometimes they can be salvaged and sometimes they can’t. in shelby’s case, they probably can’t. the unconditional love is one-sided, and she probably is gonna need to break it off.

but i’m an optimist okay!!! i want shelby to have her cake and eat it too!!! i want her to dance at all the weddings, and i know she would be happiest if dave was dancing at hers!!!!!!

some people will not change, like you said. that’s very true. some people will and we still don’t owe them entry back into our lives, that’s also true.

but everyone deserves a redemption arc.

and that isn’t to say dave goodkind deserves one with shelby. maybe he wakes up and decides he’s wrong, and starts a shelter for homeless lgbt teens with his wealth, and he reaches out but she doesn’t want a relationship with her. maybe he starts a farm and gives all the food away for free to the hungry. whatever happens, to anyone at any given point, there is no decision they can make that will make them “unworthy” of doing good. anyone can do good, that’s the great thing about doing good. tomorrow, donald trump could wake up and donate his entire wealth to idk, vaccine research or some shit. environmental protection. rainn. and they would take his money, they’d take his time, they might even take his face to be their posterboy. bc you can always do good, and you can always do better, and you can always change your mind.

and everyone deserves a redemption arc.

some parents won’t change, dave probably won’t. Shelby will probably have to give him up because of that. but that doesn’t mean he isn’t important to her, and that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. And that doesn’t mean i can’t hope with every fiber of my being that she doesn’t have to give him up.

even if it’s only to save her some heartbreak

#i apologize for the shitty quality images #i'm Extremely depressed rn #plz don't let that hold you back tho #i would Love to argue #dave goodkind gets a redemption arc #at least for shelby's sake #i hope this explains my point of view a little bit more anon #sorry i am not at all coherent i have slept all day #not slept at night #and written nothing of an essay due last wednesday #sorry i just want to complain here i shouldn't be doing that my bad #i just think the relationships lesbians have with their dads is really interesting and complex okay?#i should write a seperate post about that like that's fucking interesting #the wilds #dave goodkind #shelby goodkind

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sebabestianstan101 · 4 years ago

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Suit and Tie - 002

Pairing: Ceo!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Synopsis: You’re good at your job as the Secretary in The White Wolf Enterprise for years now, with a great set of friends and co-workers and a really hot boss, James Buchanan Barnes. You have a pretty decent work-relationship with him, even if you have to use all of your strength and self-control to not jump on him at every chance you get. Nothing exciting is really going on with your life, until your boss himself decides to spice things up a bit.

Themes throughout the series: Smut, angst, fluff, slight dom!bucky x sub!reader (nothing too crazy..), swearing, there’s probably going to be more as the story progresses

SERIES MASTERLIST Teaser 001

“Thank you, Tony. It’s always a pleasure to work with you.”

Both men stand as they shake their hands after discussing the partnership. As expected, it went well between the two. They knew each other since college and were great friends, and now, they’re good business partners.

“Likewise, Barnes,” Tony says smiling before giving him a pointed look, “I’m expecting your attendance at my wedding. You better fly your ass there, or I’m withdrawing from this contract we just signed.”

He actually can’t, but knowing Tony he’d probably do his magic and make it possible. Bucky chuckles and feigns nervousness as he pretends to wipe off his sweat.

“Well, I guess I have no choice but to fly to Barbados!” He exclaims before laughing. You discreetly smile in your laptop at their friendship. You have noticed that Bucky is very relaxed around Tony and not tense like he was in the last meeting with Alexander Pierce. That meeting did not go well and that stupid proposal from Pierce went down the drain along Bucky’s approval. You carefully watch Bucky nod as Tony updates him with his fiancee, Pepper Potts, with a happy look on his face. However, you also notice a hint of longing in his eyes as Tony talks about the love of his life.

That is the only thing Bucky is missing. A billionaire and a CEO of one of the top manufacturing tech companies all over the world is not as fulfilling as it sounds when he’s got no one to share it with. Sure, he’s sexually active and still finds time to get on with women; women who only care for his body and his money. He doesn’t even remember half their names.

He longs for a partner – a life-long companion that he can fall in love and start a family with. At 38 years old, he’s way past the idea of only living to work. He wants to continue working while settling down. As he thinks of this, his gaze inadvertently drops at you, smirking when he caught you already staring at him.

Your heart skips a beat, eyes slightly widening before looking back at the screen. Shit, he saw you. Your cheeks heat up, fully aware that he’s still looking at you, and you start to type random letters to busy yourself. You hear Tony bid his goodbye signaling that he’s leaving. You look back up and give the other CEO a smile which he returns.

Bucky clears his throat, grabbing your attention which makes you look back at him. You unconsciously start chewing your bottom lip and hope that he doesn’t mention your staring because you will definitely die of embarrassment.

“So,” he clasps his hands together, walking towards you, “I’m sure you heard my conversation with Tony. His wedding is in a week which means that I’ll be flying to Barbados and will be gone for 4 days,” he pauses before looking at your lips that you’re still chewing on to which he internally groans at. His eyes snap back up before continuing, “So, uh, work still continues, yeah? It won’t be much of a vacation since 4 days is a lot.”

You nod in acknowledgement while preparing to start jotting down his reminders which he usually gives when he’s leaving for a trip. Your fingers position along the keyboards before humming, urging him to continue.

“Since I have another board meeting to discuss, I’m going to be needing assistance all throughout as well as immediate communication. Normally, I’d have Wanda course everything, but she just took her Maternity leave, as you know, so I’ll have direct contact with you instead.”

You nod once again and smile, as you think about your friend with her firstborn. It’s crazy how you're the same age, but are living very different lives. You, being much lonelier and single.

“Alright, Mr. Barnes. I’ll make sure to keep my line on so there will not be any delays. You can count on me on that,”

He gives you a look for a brief moment before letting out a laugh and shaking his head. You look up at him in confusion, trying to figure out what was funny. Is he messing with you or..?

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I –– I think you misunderstood me,” he paused giving you a softer look, “You’re coming with me.”

You blink. Once. Twice.

If your heart kept skipping beats earlier, now it completely stopped. Did you hear him right? Coming with him? To Barbados? What?

“What?” You voiced out your thoughts staring at him, dumbly, “I mean –– what? Are you serious?”

Bucky smiles at your stunned expression, noticing how he gets you to lose your composed, professional state in seconds. He finds your disbelief adorable as if he suggested something crazy. Technically, he did, but being a CEO means that his normal is far different from others.

“Maybe I should have led with that but,” he takes a seat on his desk across you, “you don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll have you covered. We leave on Sunday so you should already start packing if you must.”

You blink at him once again, a bit overwhelmed with the surge of information. Sure, you’ve travelled before, but it wasn’t as spontaneous as this. Who the hell casually asks someone to fly to an island with him – to his friend’s wedding, at 11am in the morning?

Oh, right. Rich people.

“For the wedding…” You trailed off realizing that this was a personal event and you wouldn’t want to intrude. You see the corner of his lips subtly turn upwards and how amused he is at how you’re taking in all this. It was sudden, yes, but he almost wants to tell you to start getting used to it.

“You’re coming with me, if that’s alright. Tony doesn’t really mind, and he already knows you. As usual, he really goes all out with everything and his wedding has a bunch of… pre-celebration events, if you would call it. So, yes, you’re coming with.”

You slowly nod, and your heart warms at the thought of attending one of his best pal’s wedding with him. There’s something so personal with it, and you want to pinch yourself for having these thoughts. Clearly, it’s a work thing.

“Is that alright? I do apologize for overwhelming you, but I figured it would be better to tell you as soon as possible.” He cuts your thoughts off.

You smile at him and nod. Of course it’s alright. First, he’s your boss so technically, you have to do as he says. Next, you’re going on a trip with him. To an island. At his friend’s wedding. What more could you ask for?

“Absolutely. Thank you, Sir.”

“To Barbados, Nat. Barbados!” You frantically rummage through your summer/tropical clothing right when you got home to see if there’s anything you may possibly need while your cousin casually rests on your bed. “Uh,” you glare, “a little help, maybe?”

Natasha rolls her eyes at your flustered state. As she is naturally a laid back person, your whole life together has consisted of you panicking and her telling you to chill. She suspects that it has something to do with your upbringing, as your mom constantly pressured you even as a child. She also thinks about your ex who treated you like absolute shit for 3 years, but you didn’t have the courage to break up with him until you finally did.

She wants to thank your boss for bringing excitement into your life. You’re a very fun person to be around, but she also knows how little you give credit yourself, let alone, have fun. Natasha cares for you so much that she’ll kill anyone who’ll hurt you. She would’ve killed your ex if you didn’t stop her.

“Y/N. Take a breath. You really won’t find what you need if you keep throwing your clothes across your room.” She says as she glances at the mess you made.

“You’re right,” you sighed, “the lack of planning and the spontaneity of this whole situation is making my mind go crazy.” You make your way to your cousin and lie down beside her as she gives you a hug. Nat is really like your big sister. You wouldn’t have learned how to suck it up if it weren’t for her.

She rubs your back comfortingly before giving you a tight squeeze, “Everything’s gonna be fine, Y/N/N. We can make a list of the things you need and start from there. Think of it this way,” she smirks and wiggles her eyebrows, “you’re going to Barbados with your extremely hot boss that you’ve been crushing on for the longest time. You might actually get it on with him.”

You hit her with a pillow before groaning as you bury your face into one. Your stress came from the sudden trip, and another was really cause you were very excited for it. The thought of spending time with Bucky made your whole body tingle of excitement.

“Shut up! If only..”

“It’s true!” She exclaims smiling at you. She can feel you relax, probably realizing that it’s not as bad as you visioned.

Then suddenly, you tense up when your phone rings and tense up even more (if possible) reading the Caller ID.

“Oh my god, it’s Bucky.” Shit. You clear your throat and take a deep breath before answering, “Hello?”

Natasha is impressed with the way you were able to compose yourself so quickly, when you were literally dying on your bed earlier. She thinks it’s because of how many times you’ve done it in the past.

“Y/N, hello! I just wanted to give you a heads up so you don’t get surprised, but I felt a little bad for overwhelming you earlier. I will have something delivered to you in awhile, so just expect that.”

“Delivered..? Like.. I mean, is it like –” you were cut off by the buzzing of your doorbell which Bucky must have heard.

“It’s just a little something to make up for the short notice. Bring it as you pack.” You can hear him smile through the phone making you smile as well even if you were a little confused.

“Oh, okay. Thank you, sir, you really didn’t have to.”

Through the phone, Bucky smiles at how sincere and polite you sound. Suddenly, he just feels the need to spoil you with gifts, but he’ll have to wait.

“Please, I wanted to. Now go, I think my chauffeur is at your place with my gift. Before you wonder why I know where you live, I have the files of my employees so don’t worry.” He chuckles to which you laugh at.

“I figured,” you smile widely, “I’ll go grab the package, Sir. Thank you again.”

“It’s my pleasure.” He says before ending the call.

You and Nat stare at each other in anticipation before she tells you not to keep his chauffeur waiting and get the package. You open the door and you are greeted by Bucky’s chauffeur, Thor.

“Hello, Ms. Y/N. I believe Mr. Barnes has already informed you of this package he has intended for you to receive.” He smiles warmly with two boxes on his hands.

“Oh, wow, there are two?” Your eyes widen at the expensive looking boxes resting on his hands. He was a big guy, so the one of the boxes didn’t look as large but as it was being handed over to you, you have come to realize that it was massive. “Thank you, Thor.”

He nods and smiles in acknowledgement and you see him give you a knowing smile before leaving. Natasha excitedly runs towards you pulling you to your living room.

“Holy shit! Oh my god, wait, open it now.”

You let out a nervous breathy laugh before unboxing them. You open the first and gasp as you lift up a muted ocean-colored dress with intricate detailing of sheer lace.

“Holy shit.” You repeat as you gawk at the beautiful dress. It feels expensive (and obviously is) and you almost didn’t want to accept it. You open the other and are met with a pair of simple dangling earrings with a matching dainty necklace. You read the card along with it, in his handwriting,

For the wedding.

James

You stare at Nat and she stares back, both of you astounded at what just transpired. You think that because he’s a billionaire, he probably doesn’t think that this is a lot to give to someone –– his employee, but it really is a lot for you. You’re in shock as you stare at his gifts. On cue, your phone gets a notification indicating that you received a text message from the person consuming your thoughts.

1 New Message –– Mr. James Barnes:

I hope you like it.

You stare at your phone before typing,

Mr. Barnes, I truly appreciate your gifts, but I don’t think I can accept these..

You chew on your nails, anxiously looking at Nat who was anticipating his reply as well. In a matter of seconds you receive a message from him.

It’s really just a simple something, and they will look perfect on you. I expect to see you wear them – that’s an order from your boss. :)

Your heart swells and your face breaks into a smile. Simple something my ass.

003

A/N: Please send an as if you want to be tagged! As usual, feedback, comments, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated! ++ requests open if anyone is interested. Keep safe, loves!

TAGLIST:

@extremelyblackandwhite @ineffabl-y @marvelousnh @nightlygiggles @chontellaa @niahmariec @jensenradalecki @spideyxxboi

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky #sebastian stan #the winter soldier #avengers #marvel #captain america #ceo!bucky #ceo!bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut

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makknays · 4 years ago

Text

connection: severed

a/n: totally don’t just write about my own life as an outlet this is part 1; i wrote it a while ago and i need to figure out where i want this to go...

word count: 1.7k

genre: angst??? idk???

Jungkook and you had crossed paths before, just over a year ago to be precise. The two of you had matched on a dating app, not looking for anything more than attention and validation from a stranger, but ended up taking a liking to each other. Everything was going smoothly for 6 months but then both of your destructive tendencies got in the way; he stopped communicating what was wrong and you acted with your emotions instead of your brain. You hurt each other and the trust you had had now disappeared. You both had decided that it was best to stop talking to each other for a while to figure out everything you wanted and needed from each other.

In Jungkook’s defence, he had told you he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with anyone. You had no idea why he did what he did though. Why he treated you like you were his entire world? He said that he still wanted to be friends, but you knew that was just him being polite. You knew your friends were right about him, but you didn’t want to believe it. He took your heart and tore it into pieces, yet his hoodie was still hanging in your closet after all this time. Every so often your mind would wander back to the time when he loved you back, even though he never said he did, it was evident in his actions that he did. He was always available when you were, always ready to buy you food or offer you clothes when you were cold.

He could never see you in the state that you were in when you first tried to get over him; you hadn’t left your apartment weeks, barely making it to lectures and classes. Your friends had come around a few times to make sure that you were alive, but even they stopped checking up on you. You weren’t in the state that you were in because of him, no, you were that way because life had become a mess ever since you met him and everything had come crashing down. You no longer knew what to do and where you were going with life; you had lost yourself when you lost him and now you were left to find that girl again

Now here you were a year later, standing across from him at a college party. It was a Friday night, you’d had a long week and wanted to let steam off, so you agreed to join your friend at some party that was supposedly a big deal. He looked just as good as ever and you quietly took in all his features before quickly turning away when he noticed you. “Bea, he fucking saw me; I need to go somewhere else.” “Oh, c’mon ___, it’s been like a year, just talk to him. It’s not like you still have feelings for him, right?” “That’s not funny.” “He’s coming over now, go!” “Bea!” you shouted, but she had already left you to go talk to someone she’d probably hook up with later, at least someone was gonna get some.

“Hi stranger.” “Uh, hey, what’s up?” you plainly spoke, God, you wanted to get out of this conversation but no matter where you looked you couldn’t find an exit cue. “Already trying to find a way to avoid me?” he chuckled and you couldn’t help but notice the way he still looked down when he did. “No, it’s not that at all! I’m just, uh, wondering where my friends are.” “Sure, you don’t have to lie to me.” “I’m sorry,” you sighed “It’s just, I wasn’t really expecting to see you here, or anywhere really.” “How could you not when we go to the same college?” he laughed, you always loved his laugh, the sound of it could light up the whole world. “I don’t know, I guess, I just. I guess I just didn’t want to.” you shrugged, looking away from him, trying your hardest to avoid any eye contact. “Hey, how about we go outside and have a real conversation? Wouldn’t that be better?” he asked before holding his hand out for you; you stared at it and then at him, before sighing and grabbing it. You followed his lead into the garden and sat in the corner, away from all the noise.

“So…” “So…” “How have you been, ___?” “Uh, good, yeah. You?” “Good.” he nodded, looking away and realising just how awkward the two of you had become. “Remember when things were good between us?” he softly smiled. “Yeah, how could I forget? That was the healthiest thing I’ve had in a while.” “Did you date anyone after?” “No, didn’t really want to. You?” “Eh, kinda, but realised I didn’t want to either.” The two of you sat in silence for a moment afterwards, both thinking about how it all went wrong. “Do you want to try again?” he suddenly asked. “Jungkook, you know I can’t answer that.” “Sorry, it was a stupid question.” “Jungkook, that’s not what I mean. I just think we hurt each other a lot.” “No, it’s okay. I get it.” “How about, uh, you and I hang out sometime? Let’s catch up properly.” “Sure, are you free tomorrow?”

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“Hey, I hope it wasn’t too hard for you to get here; this is one of my favourite cafes ever.” you smiled when Jungkook approached you. “No, no, it was pretty easy actually. I don’t live too far from here. What’s so amazing about it?” “Let’s go in and I can show you.” Jungkook opened the door to the cafe, signalling for you to walk in before him and followed after you. “This is why.” you smiled, pointing at the display of cakes they had on show, as soon as you entered the cafe. Jungkook took a moment to take in the display and the rest of the cafe’s pink and natural aesthetic; there were plants in every corner and even a cat wandering around, asking for pets from customers. “I can see why this place would be your favourite, it feels very you.” he smiled, looking back at you. “Thank you, let’s order and find a seat.”

“So...how’s college going?” you asked as the two of you sat by the window. “You know, it’s okay. Kinda boring, kinda stressful, at least I’ve got baseball though. You?” “Oh yeah, I forgot you were on the team. Same for me though, you know, stressful.” you chuckled, awkwardly tucking a piece of your hair behind your right ear. “So…” “Yup…” “What are your plans for later?” “Oh, um, just hanging out with Bea, you remember her, right?” “Is she the one you live with that dated that really weird guy on the swim team?” “Yup, that’s her. I’m surprised you don’t remember her as the girl who split wine down your favourite shirt, you know, after we, uh, stopped talking.” “Oh yeah...no hard feelings.” he awkwardly chuckled. The two of you had grown a lot more distant than you had even realised and you were now wondering if being here was even worth it; was there even anything you could fix?

“I missed you, ____.” “Jungkook.” “No, hear me out.” you could feel yourself holding your breath, worried about the sudden confession. Who was he to miss you? Especially after what he put you through. You were over it, but you never received an apology and you were just disappointed that he ever did all the things that he did. “I blamed you for so much and I’m so sorry. I never admitted anything was my fault. I didn’t think it was, but looking back, I can see how my behaviour triggered your reactions. I’m sorry I lied to you, I know, it doesn’t take back anything I did or said, but I want to work on getting you to trust me again. You were my everything, ___. I was just as scared as you were, but I didn’t want to show you and I let us grow apart instead. I hate that I didn’t try to fight for us the way you did; I just gave up. I regret it so much, ___. I miss having you in my life. You are such a radiant light and your personality was so addictive; I couldn’t get enough and I find myself missing the girl that would cheer me on and woke me up to good morning texts and photos of her smiling before class.” “Jungkook.” “It’s a lot, I know.”

“Jungkook. I’m gonna need some time to think about everything you said.” “That’s okay. Hopefully, not a year.” he chuckled, trying to keep things lighthearted. “I was really hurt when you didn’t fight for us. I was hurt when you gave up and allowed your feelings to disappear. I felt like I didn’t know who you were and the person I was talking to didn’t exist. You put me through a lot.” “I’m sorry, that’s all I can say. I want to show you that I’ve changed though.” “Just give me some time to figure stuff out, okay?”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“He said what?” “Bea, chill out.” “I can’t believe him, after everything he put you through he’s basically asking to come back into your life like it didn’t happen?” “Bea has a point. ___, your heart is too big sometimes.” Daisy, the third part of your trio, stated. “Daisy, this wouldn’t even have happened if Bea protected me at the party but she left me to talk to him.” “Bea...” “I’m sorry! I thought he was just gonna ask her to fuck or something, you know, something she can defend!” “It doesn’t matter guys! What’s done is done. Now do I give him a chance? Maybe, as a friend? I don’t want to exactly date him anymore...those feelings are gone.” “Are they really?” Daisy teased, knowingly. “For the most part.” you pouted, dragging out ‘part’. “Okay, I got it! Don’t speak to him!” Bea said, she was being serious. “Bea, you know that won’t happen. Especially with how impulsive ___ is with these things.” “Ugh, you’re right. Okay, just be friendly? Tell him this is purely friendship.” “Yeah, that’s a good start...” Daisy laughed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[11.11pm] you: hey, ive had a chance to think about what you said

[11.14pm] jungkook: oh?

[11.15pm] you: i think it’s best for both of us if we’re just friends for now, but id like to rebuild that trust we had :)

[11.17pm] jungkook: well, thats better than not having you around :)

[11.19pm] you: are you gonna come to jimins party this saturday ?

[11.20pm] jungkook: would hate to miss it

#jungkook #BTS jungkook #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfic #Jungkook Fanfiction #bts #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bangtan #bangtan scenarios #bangtan fanfic #bangtan fanfiction

8 notes · View notes

hannahmcne · 4 years ago

Text

The Test of your Trial (Carlos vs Cruella)

Mal’s first official act as queen was to deliver Carlos’s court summons to him.

Carlos blinked at the envelope, studied the addresses written on the front, and then looked back up at her. “What’s this?” he asked.

Mal chewed on her lip. “It’s about your mother,” she said. “She’s been arrested and charged.”

Carlos blinked and his mouth fell open. Ben and Mal, in removing the barrier to the Isle, had acknowledged that many wrongdoings had occurred on the Isle that would need to be sorted out, but a majority of the villains were going without charges. Gaston had been charged for assault and rape, of course, and Jafar had had to pay a fine for making his son an accomplice to robbery and crime. Evie’s mother would serve community service for a few events that had happened while she was growing up and Mal’s mom… well, they’d just kinda let Maleficent stay a lizard. Hades had been completely pardoned for aiding Auradon. In most cases, the time they had served on the Isle negated the need for any jail time and Auradon was taking into account the fact that they hadn’t exactly served the villains and their children well and had inadvertently created a dystopic society. It hadn’t honestly occurred to Carlos that his mother would be called to a court as Auradon went through the hundreds of cases.

“What for?” Carlos asked. “Did she do something wrong?”

Mal’s eyes flicked down to the table. She’d asked Carlos to meet her in the Auradon Accelerated café where he was attending school. She’d hoped that would make the delivery easier. “Child abuse,” she breathed.

Carlos’s eyes grew even wider. “She’s not being acquitted?” he asked.

Mal shook her head. “Ben wants her to see a trial. He didn’t even finish reading the list of charges. He set it down after the first two and said she was going to stand.”

“What were they?” Carlos demanded.

“Mal drummed her fingers on the tabletop. Her lip was starting to go numb underneath her teeth. “They conducted an investigation of the house,” she began. “Found your old room and a few of her… toys. Also lists of chores and stuff like that. They tested a lot of the things in your room and found old blood and stuff like that. And, uh, I don’t know if you knew this, but the backyard area where she had you put the fire ashes…” Mal trailed off, still biting her lip as she examined Carlos.

“Yes?” Carlos asked.

“Bodies. Of children. They don’t know if they’re hers or not yet.” Mal ran a hand through her hair with an exhale. “I’m sorry, Carlos.”

“Bodies?” Carlos repeated with a choke. “No, no, they can’t be hers. Someone else must have put them there. I would have known.”

“The heat from the ashes preserved some of them pretty well,” Mal whispered. “I think Ben said that they have four bodies undergoing autopsies now. We’ll know by the time the court date rolls around.” She swallowed hard. “Sorry I don’t have much more information about it. Ben has taken on the case personally. He just asked if I would deliver this to you because… he thought it would come off easier from an old friend.”

Carlos exhaled and set the envelope down. “When is it?” he asked.

“Fourth of December,” Mal replied. “In three weeks.”

“Why so long?” Carlos asked.

“Because the investigation is still ongoing and because they wanted to give you some time to decide and to, well, prepare to speak. If that’s what you want.” Mal folded her arms across her chest and closed her eyes. “Ben’s hand-picked the judge and the jury and set aside seats for everyone. It’s going to be public. He wants to know if you’ll speak against - or for her, if you want - by the first.”

“Sounds like he’s going to town,” Carlos sighed, sinking back into his chair.

Mal nodded. “He hasn’t taken up a personal case since Gaston’s came up, and that one only lasted a week.”

“He letting you help?” Carlos asked.

Mal shook her head. “Not this time,” she whispered. “Bias. But I’m still handling all the other cases from the Isle.”

Carlos nodded. “Is there… anything else?” he asked.

“Umm,” Mal closed her eyes to think. “One more small thing, I guess. Ben asked if, even if you don’t want to speak, if you’d be willing to go in for a physical. The palace would cover any expenses.”

Carlos hesitated, then nodded again. “I’ll think about it,” he whispered.

Mal got to her feet and slid a few bills onto the table to cover for the comfort food they’d ordered while sitting. “From Ben,” she whispered.

Carlos rolled his eyes. “Duh,” he snorted.

Mal gave him a little smile and then walked past him and out of the café, pulling a hood up over her hair as she left. Carlos heard the clicks of phone cameras as she left. It was still a little strange to think that Mal was grown up now, a wife and a queen, and no longer the vicious and delusional teen they’d all known.

He wasn’t the teen he once was either.

Carlos split the envelope open and began reading it. The official seal of Auradon was in the top right corner. The letter began “Mr. Carlos De Vil, you are hereby requested to join the prosecution of…”

He set the letter back down.

A slip of square paper was left in the envelope. He pulled it out and immediately recognized the over-the-top, fancy handwriting. “Carlos,” Ben had written. “I know this is hard for you, but I want to lay what happened on the Isle to rest. You deserve justice, as do the other children with cases like yours who will follow. Please consider it.”

Other children… Carlos set the leaflet down and exhaled. Of course Ben would take that route. Thinking of the big picture… advocating for all. He closed his eyes and pressed his fingertips to the bridge of his nose.

What was he going to do?

After twenty-two years on the Isle of the Lost, Cruella could barely fit into society anymore. Carlos had figured that at some point, she’d run into trouble with the law again. But he hadn’t realized it’d be for anything involving him. He’d moved forward with his life – he’d left the Isle behind him. Everything that had once happened… that had been a different him. A different time.

And here it all was again.

________________________________________________________________

“I’m here to see Cruella De Vil,” he mumbled as he produced his official ID and swallowed.

The guards examined the card and then gestured him forward through the metal detectors. It took a while to take off all his gloves and unload his phone and keys and watch and everything else, but then he was through and able to proceed. They summoned a guard to lead him through the holding cells.

The people behind the bars were all Auradonian. There weren’t many of them – Auradon had never been a very crime-ridden place. Most had sunken eyes and scraggly hair and yellowing skin. Even indigenous people with colored skin like Uma had yellow tones to their cheeks. Clear signs of drug use and health problems and general lack of sleep. Things Ben and Mal dealt with normally and would deal with once the Isle Cases were gone.

He was shown straight to his mother’s cell. Beside the door and behind enchanted glass was a small table with a desk and a place to speak through the glass. A chair was pulled up for him to sit down and he did as his mother glanced forlornly past the door and towards him. She got up and came to sit in front of him. His hands felt clammy and chilled.

“You’re pretty thin,” he said in lieu of a greeting as the guards walked away.

Cruella looked at her hands. They were bone-thin, with sagging skin and with dark marks stretching across her skin. The bags under her eyes could probably carry a marble or something. “Yes,” she sighed. “Age. Happens to everyone.”

“Are they taking care of you?” Carlos asked.

Cruella snorted. “Does Auradon ever take care of prisoners?” she asked.

“Not under Adam’s rule,” Carlos murmured. “But I’m told Ben changed tons of things. I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be a prisoner, but…”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Cruella agreed.

It was odd to be conversing with her like this. They’d never been able to carry a conversation before the barrier had come down. He’d introduced her to Jane in a series of bumbling descriptions and murmured names. Then they hadn’t seen each other and he’d heard through the grapevine that she was being placed in Auradon as Ben tried to evacuate the Isle in the build-up to the royal wedding and his and Mal’s honeymoon. But Carlos had been busy with school and then with applying for college courses, so he’d never looked into the rumors.

“What’s been happening?” he asked.

Cruella shrugged. “They went through the house,” she said. “And then came and said I was under arrest. What else is there?”

“Mal said that there were bodies in the backyard?” Carlos asked. Cruella blinked slowly. “You know about them, then?”

Cruella leaned back and drummed her nails against the desk on her side. Carlos closed his eyes. “Were they… did you know them? Or were they someone else’s?”

“Will you be testifying?” Cruella asked, avoiding the question with carelessness as she discovered a chip in her nails and began scratching and frowning at it. “Give me a file,” she demanded and Carlos pulled one out with mechanical compliance.

“Do you want me to?” Carlos asked.

Cruella snorted. “The king has it out for me,” she said. “I’m locked up either way. I’m sure he’d like to have you testify, though. Make you out to be an example. One of the ‘Core Four’ fighting against the abominable childhood he had.” She blew a bit of her hair out of her face. “I’ll need you to bring me things on court day. Hairspray, hair dye, a few other things. I’ll make a list.”

Carlos stared at her blankly. He didn’t know what he’d expected. An apology? A plea? She seemed almost indifferent – both to him and to her situation. As if she had won through loosing in the worst way possible.

He scooted forward. “Doesn’t it bother you?” he whispered. “You’ll never… you’ll never have your things again. The lampshades and the furs and everything. Aren’t you even a little sad?”

Cruella rolled her eyes. She did. Behind the glass where he could see them as if he couldn’t have said anything more ridiculous. “Oh pup, don’t be silly,” she chided and a chill ran down his spine. “You’re not asking whether I’ll miss my babies. You’re asking whether I miss you, and the answer is still no.”

Carlos got up. He pushed his chair back where it had come from and left without a goodbye. Cruella was not fazed by his departure. She wasn’t fazed by anything anymore, it seemed.

______________________________________________________________

Ben called on the morning of the trial. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked.

“I am,” Carlos responded, standing in his bathroom alone with his shirt off, looking at the old scars on his arms.

“Are you still okay to testify?”

“I think so.”

“Is there anything I can do to help you?”

Carlos traced a long, old, ugly wound the stretched across his shoulder in the shape of a jaw. “I don’t think so,” he whispered.

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. It was Ben waiting for him to continue. It was an emotional ploy he did without even realizing it – stay quiet long enough for the other person to get uncomfortable and start talking. Carlos didn’t feel like falling for it today. He stayed quiet until he heard Ben take a long and ragged breath on the other end of the phone.

“Hush,” he heard his friend murmur from a distance. It sounded like Ben had removed the microphone from under his mouth, but Carlos could still hear what he was saying. “Don’t do that,” he gasped. “I’m on the phone.”

“Is that Carlos?” Mal asked, sounding out of breath.

“Is that Mal?” Carlos asked. “You guys aren’t starting anything while you’re on the phone with me, right?”

“No!” Ben squeaked and a smile spread across Carlos’s mouth in spite of the day. “No, no, we’re not starting anything. Don’t worry.”

“Speak for yourself,” Mal mumbled as she got further and further from the mic.

“But you are good?” Ben asked. Carlos heard him kiss someone – probably Mal. “You’ll be okay?”

“Yes,” Carlos repeated. “I’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” Ben said. “Keep me posted.”

“I will.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye Ben.”

The phone line died, but not before he was treated to another one of Ben’s groans as Mal presumably began doing something wicked with him. Hopefully they managed to make it to court in time.

He stared up at himself in the mirror. A thousand disjointed images flashed before his eyes. What was he going to say? She would be right there – how could he prosecute against her?

But then again, how couldn’t he?

________________________________________________________________

She was led in without chains. Nothing holding her except for two guards who led her to the defendant’s table and helped her sit down. Carlos sat beside Ben and the lawyer the crown had hired to prosecute Cruella and couldn’t keep his eyes off his mother as she took her seat.

The room was circular with Ben’s hand-picked judge sitting on a raised dias. Cruella’s defendants were sat on the left side of the room in front of a half wall behind which the public had been invited to fill the area. On the right side was the prosecution, with Ben’s lawyer on the end, then Ben, Carlos, and the physician who had examined Carlos. Ben was currently leaning back into his chair. Mal, Evie, Jay, Jane and Belle were all sitting in the first row behind the prosecution and Mal was leaning forward to run her fingers through Ben’s hair and lean her cheek against his from time to time. They were still newlyweds by two months, so no one really expected less, but it meant Ben was distracted and not talking to him about what was about to transpire.

The room filled slowly. It took forever. Carlos felt like he might be sick as his classmates and teachers walked in to see what would happen. The jury, which was even farther to the left in its own little alcove, filled with dozens of different people from all sorts of jobs and statuses.

The judge called for attention. Ben himself got up to announce the prosecution and read through the summary of what they’re about to debate. Then he sat down and the lawyer stood up to read the evidence to the jury. There were long, long lists of things and stories that they’d collected from people. One story was about ‘an unnamed witness who built a place for Carlos De Vil to stay when his mother threw him out’ that he knew was Jay. Those stories were all substantial, though. Almost every child on the Isle had been thrown out at some point. Being beaten was somewhat common. No one could afford to feed their children, so neglect – voluntary or involuntary – was hard to pin.

It’s the examination of the house that Carlos was curious about.

The Lawyer finally began explaining what the police and detectives found when they went through Cruella’s Isle hideaway. He talked about elaborate places and expensive furs before they began talking about his bedroom. Carlos pictured it as they spoke. The spare coat closet with the furs he couldn’t touch and the pile of rags lying underneath the busted window where he slept. They probably found all his old, twisted wires and batteries from when he’d try to make things work. The lawyer talked about blood on the traps that were stored there and how it tested positive for human blood. He talked about the pieces of flesh and the bandage supplies hidden under his cot of rags. Then, he moved on to the most critical piece of evidence.

“The search also uncovered the bodies of six children in the backyard,” The lawyer announced and people stir. Some of them had fallen asleep – Carlos didn’t blame them – but they all perked up at the words “bodies in the backyard”. “All under the age of four,” the prosecutor continued. “The youngest being not even a few days old. All died of different causes. The oldest body, that of a two-year-old girl, was placed about thirty-months after the Isle was instated. She was killed with a bludgeon to the brain. A second four-month-old girl was strangled and buried under hot ash about a year later and a six-year-old boy with shattered limbs was discovered not far from her grave. We believe the boy must have died from the traumatic injury months before Carlos De Vil was born. One young toddler with damaged lungs was also recovered, her body having been placed sometime after the four-month old’s, and a stillborn baby was recovered from the corner of the yard. The last was that of a three-week-old baby girl whose neck was snapped back.”

“What are the identities of the children?” the judge asked.

“All were children of Cruella De Vil,” the prosecutor said. “We believe she killed her own children, either through accident or malicious intent, over the years.”

There was a stir throughout the room. Carlos turned to stare at Ben. “You didn’t tell me that,” he gasped.

Ben shook his head. “Didn’t want to,” he said with guilt in his tone. Mal was leaning forward with one hand on the wall and Ben was leaning against her hand for comfort. He was holding her other hand over his shoulder. Carlos didn’t understand – they acted like they were in pain all the time when they had to be apart. Newlyweds.

There was more evidence – more descriptions regarding the gruesome way the six children – Carlos’s older brother and sisters – died, but Carlos tuned it out in favor of shock and focusing on what was about to happen.

He was finally called to the stand.

“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?” a man asks, holding a book of law for Carlos to swear on.

“I do,” Carlos nodded.

Ben’s lawyer and Ben have a quick discussion/escalating argument/fight and then the lawyer sits down and Ben gives Mal one last squeeze before getting up. Ben has a degree in law that he received alongside his graduation diploma and is, as such, able to question a witness without a major problem. Also, he’s the king who brought down the barrier to the Isle of the Lost and married the daughter of Maleficent, who had dragon-shapeshifting powers. At this point, he can do whatever he wants. All at nineteen. What a winner.

“Carlos,” Ben began, clapping his hands together in the same way he does whenever he wants everyone’s attentions. “Will you tell us about your mother?”

It was a very general question for a very specific reason. Ben wanted to know the scope of what Carlos was willing to share and then target the most important parts.

“She and I were never quite close,” Carlos started. “Growing up, I was there to do most of the chores. Like most other Isle kids, I was beat and hit and sometimes left outside.”

“Did you feel that Cruella cared for you?” Ben asked softly. Carlos felt his throat swelling up. Trust Ben to ask these hard-hitting questions.

“No,” he said. “She didn’t. She told me so.”

Ben exhales and steps forward to be closer to Carlos. “Carlos, was there every any other people living in the house with you and your mother?”

“No.”

“And you were unaware of the bodies in the backyard?”

“I first learned about them when Mal invited me to be part of this prosecution.”

“Taking those children into consideration, did your mother ever threaten you?”

Carlos’s hands shook even though he was doing nothing with them. “A few times,” he agreed and his voice cracked. “Almost every day, actually. Most of the time with small things, though. She told me I’d get locked out if I didn’t finish chores or that she’d b-hit me. Or that I would go hungry. Stuff like that. Normal stuff.” He flinched away from his own words as people in the audience exchanged looks. It is not always that he remembers it is not normal to abuse children in Auradon.

Ben tilted his head. “Did she ever threaten to kill you?” he asked.

Carlos swallowed hard. The memories are flashing in front of his eyes and cold sweat is dripping down his forehead. “Yes,” he agreed.

“Tell me a time,” Ben requested. Carlos closes his eyes.

“I…” he stammered off and then cleared his throat. “I came back late with Mal, Evie, and Jay. Someone had broken into the house while I was gone and had stolen a bunch of things. She was furious. She called me a thief and demanded I make restitution for not protecting the house. She said I had a week to make it all up or she would… well, she would kill me.”

Ben knew Carlos. They were good friends. Still, he glanced back at Mal and Jay and Evie to make sure it’s okay to keep asking before he said: “Is there anything else you want to tell me about that time? Specifics… how old you were?”

“I was thirteen,” Carlos nodded. “I turned thirteen the next week. And… she specifically said she would use my stomach to hang me up in the streets.”

The defense attorney pinched the bridge of his nose.

Ben nodded and stopped wringing his hands. “Carlos, were you ever hurt by your mother?”

The question made him freeze up. How could he possibly tell one? So many different instances came to mind. “Yes,” was all he could think to say. “But we all were.”

“Strike that from the record,” Ben requested, addressing the judge. “It’s irrelevant to the case and generalization.”

“So stricken,” the judge agreed.

“Carlos,” Ben called, walking a little closer. “You know I want the best for you. And for all of the Isle kids, correct?”

“Objection!” The defense attorney raised his hand. “You are leading the witness.”

The judge nodded and gave Ben a firm look. Ben nodded, took a deep breath, and then focused on Carlos. “Bearing in mind the others who will come after you and how you may feel when this is all over, is there anything in particular you wish to tell the jury?”

Carlos glanced at the jury. He glanced at his mother. He focused on Ben. Honest, hard-working Ben who was going to be elbow-deep in child abuse cases from the Isle of the Lost for the next five years, if he was lucky. He swallowed and ran a thumb over his index finger.

“There are a lot of things,” he mumbled. “Things I pushed out and grew up through. Most of the time, they just come back in pieces.” He reached up and squeezed his own shoulder before sliding the neckline of the red and black t-shirt he was wearing down. The scar in the shape of a bite was revealed and he watched several jury members take deep breaths.

“There was a cat,” he recalled. “One that accidentally came over with the ships. A cat that was black with poufy fur and one dead eye. She locked it in a room and left it there for two days until it was feral with hunger. Then she threw me in. It got my eye… I couldn’t see but I somehow managed to smash it into the wall. It bit me here and I obviously still have the marks.”

He reached down and lifted his leg up onto his thigh to trace his calf. “They’ve already talked about my room… it was a spare closet where she hung her old furs and left all these old bear traps… things you step on and they take off your leg. When I was seven, I triggered one, but it didn’t go off all the way. It mangled up my leg and I couldn’t walk. Jay happened to walk past my window, heard me calling for help, and snuck in to sneak me out. I couldn’t walk for almost four months and I had a limp until I turned twelve. She used to follow me around the house, screaming because I couldn’t walk straight and I couldn’t move as fast.”

Carlos combed his fingers through his head and found a bald spot. “She burned a ‘C’ into my head,” he announced and pulled his hair aside to show them. “She found a curved piece of metal and held it into the fire for a few hours.” He let his locks fall back into place. “I just… never understood it. I felt like it was normal punishments, even if my friends never went through the same stuff. And I understood that I was in danger, but she always made it feel as if it was my fault.”

“How would you describe your situation?” Ben asked.

“I was trapped,” Carlos replied. “Trapped until you took me away. I was living a life where she would never be proud of me and I would always be trying to make her proud of me.”

“Can you expand on that, please?” Ben asked. “Specifically, why do you believe she couldn’t be proud of you?”

“Because she hated me,” Carlos said and a weight lifted off his chest. The words began to come faster, as if he’d finally unlocked them. “She told me every day that she hated my guts and I knew it. It was just a truth… we grow up knowing that the grass is green and that food fills you… I knew that my mother hated me and I was only around to keep the house. I knew that one day, I would die, and it would probably be by her hand, and I was never sure if I wanted it or not because I thought it might be easier to be dead.”

Tears burned his eyes, but he pressed onwards as they came rolling down his cheeks. “She tried to murder me once, when she was drunk. In one hand she had a busted bottle of champagne… in the other a fire poker. She threw a heavy fur on me and tried to beat me through it. I think she was drunk. I passed out in my own blood. And when I woke up, I cried because I was awake and alive and I knew I had to clean up my own mess of vomit and blood before she saw it or she would do it all over again. I cried because I didn’t want to do the cycle again. I wanted to stay asleep so she couldn’t hurt me.”

Carlos had never known silence to be as quiet as if was in the courtroom as Ben pulled a box of tissues off the stand and handed them to Carlos. “No further questions,” he murmured, only loud enough for the judge and Carlos to hear, before he went to go sit down in his seat. Mal’s hand immediately tangled into his hair and she slid up to kiss the skin at the nape of his neck. Carlos looked down the line at his friends. Poor Jane was crying just as bad as he was.

The judge directed her attention to Ben’s attorney. “Any further questions?” she asked. He shook his head. “The defense may begin their cross-examination.”

Surprisingly, the defense team didn’t try too hard with him. They fired off a few things about where and when things had happened, but when they couldn’t trip him on the first few items they simply gave up. He was allowed to sit down and they began to fire statistical arguments at the jury. “This woman has served twenty-two years in prison and in an area that was not secured by Auradon government. How can we hold her to standards in a place where the law did not exist?” But it was clear that even Cruella’s defense thought she should be locked away. Hardly anyone listened to their lawful reasoning.

The jury left to make their decision and Cruella turned around to ask one of the people behind her for a comb. Carlos watched her fluff up her hair from a distance. He put his head down on the table until the jury walked back in. The entire decision had taken less than ten minutes.

Carlos listened to her be pronounced guilty and sentenced to life. Cruella seemed unfazed. She didn’t even glance his way. He didn’t understand. He had just helped put her away. Could she at least spare him that?

The court adjourned and people began walking away. Guards came to cuff her and put her behind bars. Without even realizing what was happening, Carlos was jumping over the table and running to break their path. “Mom,” he snapped, the word foreign on his tongue. “Look at me.”

Cruella rolled her eyes. “Why?” she asked.

“Don’t you understand?” Carlos demanded. “You’re going to prison. For life. And I put you there. Don’t you want to glare? Or be upset?”

Cruella’s cold, uncaring eyes skimmed over him. “What’s the point?” she asked. “I don’t owe you another thought and don’t think I give things away for free.”

And they walked by him.

She’d looked at him. He could feel those cold eyes like hands dragging him down.

________________________________________________________________

“What should I have done?” He asked Ben as they all crowded into the dark end of a restaurant. “I mean… she was right there.”

“I think you did wonderfully,” Ben said, dropping an arm around his bride. Her hair was covered so as not to draw paparazzi attention. “You don’t owe her anything.”

“I feel like I do,” Carlos snorted with a disbelieving laugh. “You know… she asked me for a nail file when I went to visit her and I just… did it. Because that’s my job. It’s what I’m supposed to do.”

“I do that,” Evie mumbled down the table. “My mom called and said she was out of mascara and I was down to the car before I realized that I have a life now and I don’t need to go help her all the time.” She sighed and sipped the smoothie she’d ordered. “I mean, I still went to help her, but it was just an automatic response. I need to work on it.”

“I think it’s just something you do for people,” Jane whispered. “You and Evie.”

“What about us?” Mal raised an eyebrow.

“Nah,” Ben began to laugh. “If someone asks you to do something, you’re all like: ‘why’, ‘what are you gonna give me?’”

“Whatever, Ben.” Mal scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Hey Mal,” Jay smirked. “Can I see your phone? Need to look something up.”

Mal sneered. “Use your own,” she snapped, then blinked and began to laugh when she realized Evie and Carlos had both reached for their phones to offer up sacrifice to Jay. The two teens blushed and put their phones back.

“I guess that’s right,” Carlos agreed, laughing a little. “It just felt different in the moment because I just… reacted. And it was such a small thing, but I’ve been so worried about testifying. Like… if she said not to talk about something, would I have?”

“Did she say not to talk about anything?” Mal asked.

“No,” Carlos shook his head. “She said she’d get me a list of things she wanted me to bring to court, but it never arrived. She didn’t even talk to me at all during court… barely even looked at me on the way out.”

Mal shook her head, “What a-“

“Don’t swear,” Ben cut her off. “You need to get into the habit, remember? Our publicist will go insane if you keep cussing during interviews.”

“Whatever,” Mal scoffed. “Just think of it this way, Carlos. Now she’s in a place where they’ll take care of her and you’re not required to go see her or do anything. If you do go, she can’t touch you and you can’t bring things into her anyways. This is just your way of gaining more control of your relationship with her.”

Carlos stayed silent for several seconds, swirling his straw in his soda pop. Everyone waited patiently for his response. “I like that,” he said at last. “I guess… I just have a little bit more control over how much control she has of me.”

“And that,” Ben picked up his drink and bumped it against Mal’s head with a sly grin on his face, “is something worthy of a toast. To Carlos!”

Everyone else picked up their glasses as well. “To Carlos!” Was echoed a bit too loudly around the restaurant. Patrons glanced over, and Carlos found himself blushing. Ben swung back the entirety of his drink in one go and dropped the glass with a thud before he and Jay joined up to squish Mal between them as hard as they both could. She squealed and, with one arm each (the remnants of her strength from the Isle) pushed them aside. Ben grabbed her arm and Jay began to help wrestle her down to tickle her.

“By the way,” Ben announced. “I’m paying tonight.”

“Way to flash your money at everyone, Ben,” Evie rolled her eyes.

Carlos laughed along with everyone as Mal squealed and tried to wrestle away from Ben and Jay’s joint attacks. Everything that had happened suddenly seemed very far away.

Notes:

#descendants #disney descendants #auradon #isle of the lost #carlos de vil #descendants carlos #cruella de vil #son of cruella #king ben #descendants ben #trial #child abuse #court #fanfic

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sharkb0yinthewat3r · 4 years ago

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What was coming out like for you?

For years I was closeted and i really didn’t want to do it. I go back and forth between whether or not I thought it was unnecessary or I told myself it was unnecessary so I wouldn’t have to do it. It was probably a little bit of both.

I knew for a while that at the very least my mom knew since she was the only one dropping hints. But if she did so did everybody else. After I was like truly accepting of myself, I really did buy into the narrative that i didn’t need to do it. On one hand I felt like everyone in my family already knew so there was no need to inform them, there was no need to bring it up out of nowhere unprompted, and it’s just ridiculous that that’s something anyone has to do. I’m more than my sexuality and straight people don’t have to come out.

Anyway this ended up being a really long post feel free to read all of it, but the main takeaway is that coming out was scary. Even when I knew nothing big was going to come of it, there’s just like this anxiety I had and I think it’s normal. Im lucky to live a life where I can be myself freely without having to be concerned about repercussions. I would say me coming out to my friends/just not hiding who I was from them was a great experience. My cousins were so great. My mom and my sister, I guess I wish that those had gone better which is crazy to me because they had known the longest and had so long to prepare and just didn’t have ideal reactions (far from awful but it was kinda just like uhhh ok?) and then my dads is probably my favorite bc that’s how it should be for everyone. It was ultimately very freeing for me but it was also like very uncomfortable for me.

My coming out happened in 4 phases:

1. College freshman year: i was struggling with my sexuality after I got my first crush and wasn’t sure whether or not people would accept me and eventually I told one friend that I lived with and he never treated me differently, I think I told three other friends that were girls, but overall it was extremely difficult to communicate for me. I would say that this was a time in which I was still closeted.

2. I now work on accepting myself and don’t really talk about it with people unless it comes up for the next three years. I’m now in my fourth year of college and join an org where I’m placed on a committee that’s essentially 60% gay males 40% straight males (and girls). My goal when joining was just to be open and let people get to know me. I was still middle ish of the road and sorta wanted to be perceived as straight. I think people just kind of started to assume I was gay and it was like “oh I don’t have to think about telling anyone anything or acting a certain way. I can just be myself” and I kinda just let loose and as we started hanging out and going to parties together I was able to open up and be myself judgement free and it was just so much fun and that’s when I like TRULY accepted myself and I was like life should be like this all the time. I can’t believe I haven’t been doing this. This was more of like a me coming out to myself than anything else and showing myself how enjoyable life can be when you don’t bottle yourself up.

3. Same year (after my first semester) Even though I was very open with my friends at school, this was my first time home for a ‘long break’ and I wasn’t as open with my family. Me and my two female cousins went out for a day together in the city and then ended up at a bar where they were talking about the kind of guys they were into and my one cousin mentions that she’s into older guys and I didn’t say anything and then our other cousin went to the bathroom and I was like btw I’m gay and I only wanted to preface that bc when u said u were into older guys I was like legit same I know exactly what you mean. My other cousin came back from the bathroom and then we laughed about it, but they were the sweetest and most supportive I could’ve wanted. I don’t think I’d ever felt as close with them as I did in that moment. They asked if anyone else knew and I was like well my friends but that’s it and they said they wouldn’t tell anyone and I thanked them.

A few nights later I met my sister out at a bar for her birthday in the city. I was hanging out with her friends (who I knew just not on a real personal level) because she was dancing and making out with some guy. This is actually kinda funny. It was winter and the bar was hot so I tied my jacket around my waist (as I often do bc that’s just typically part of my look, kinda like a staple of mine tbh) and her friend is like “ryán why are you wearing that around your waist, go put it in the coat check” and I was like no thanks like I really don’t mind having it on my waist, I like the way it looks and I honestly don’t wanna pay and she’s like “you have to check it, any girl who walks in here and sees a guy with a jacket around his waist will not want to get with him” and I looked at her and laughed and was like “lol ok well that’s fine because I’m into guys anyway” and she was taken aback like “OH” and I was like lol r u surprised and she was like well your sister just never told me that and I said well idk why she would, like for one I’m not sure why that would be a topic of discussion between the two of you and for two I haven’t told her anyway. She and my sisters other gay friend practically forced me to tell her the entire night and I was like um ok. And then my sister got mad at me for telling them before her and made it all about herself and I was drunk crying running to the bathroom lol and she followed it up with SO MANY questions and was like you gotta tell mom and dad we talk about it all the time. And I was like 1. No I don’t, if they wanna know they can ask me I don’t care 2. That’s kinda fucked up that you guys talk about me and my sexuality all the time behind my back?? 3. If you just said u all know why do I have to tell you. There isn’t really more to the story there, it was her telling me to and me saying no.

4. It is the 2019th summer. Id thought many times about telling my parents I wanted to go to pride and just like ended up saying nothing. Fact of the matter was that I wasn’t proud and honestly even if I wanted to go I didn’t know who I’d go with. My parents are VERY religious and when I was younger I had heard my mom express worry about a girls mother after the girl had come out as a lesbian l o l. Years go by and my mom got me a pamphlet for the lgbt center mixed in with a bunch of other papers when I moved in my freshman dorm, said a lot of encouraging things to me like telling me “you can date anyone you want” and asking me about my love life (this kind of stuff happened between stages 1 and 2). Nothing was explicitly said but I think we both silently acknowledged it. She even asked about one of my gay friends bc I think she thought we mightve been dating (between stage 3 and 4) which we were not and never have hooked up or anything. Honestly I knew they’d be supportive and I knew they weren’t going to kick me out, I just didn’t know how they’d honestly and truly take it. And by the time that I didn’t give a fuck about how anybody “took” the “news” I was aware that they knew and subscribed to all the beliefs that I listed above. If they wanted to know so desperately they could ask me. At this point I wasn’t even trying to hide it. A guy kinda fucked me over right before school was over and I was talking to her on the phone and she was asking how I was and why I sounded meh and I just told her guys suck without trying to get into it. Anyhow picture this, straight pride has just been confirmed for August 2019. Gays are distressed everywhere. Can we not have one thing??? I share a post to my insta story stating something along the lines of “straight pride isn’t necessary and you should be happy you don’t need it. LGBT people need pride because we still don’t have equal rights and people get killed every day for being a part of this community and people get kicked out of their homes for loving someone, etc.” and I guess my mom saw it and was like that was an interesting post on your instagram and I was like lol ok thanks. (She had thought I didn’t think I was safe in my own home and that’s why I wasn’t coming out) And she’s like is there something you want to tell me? And I say is there something you want me to tell you? And she says only if you want to. And I say “what mom do you want me to tell you I’m gay? Like it’s not a secret. I know you know and everybody else knows.” We went on a walk and she said some highly questionable microaggressions but meant with overall support. At this point though like I already accepted myself so I could just roll my eyes and be like lol whatever you don’t get it.

Then my dad comes back and she calls him to the kitchen and is like I think you should tell him now. And i was like gurl what? This is so out of nowhere and so ridiculous. You’re really going to do this after we just had an hourlong discussion on why I didn’t feel the need to come out. And my dad comes in and is like what’s up and I say hey just so you know I’m gay, ok? And he says ok.

#omg this is so fucking long im so sorry #ive been writing so many novels for asks lately #ask

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cowboyjen68 · 4 years ago

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cant be bothered to say nothing about current events bro? ur always so politically vocal and youve been REAL QUIEY lately. dont think nobody noticed

I have been busy privately.. talking to friends of color.. seeing what they need from me as a white person. I don’t have the ability to protest. I can’t risk injury, jail, or covid because I am Lori’s only parent and the sole provider.

Going on to Tumblr or Facebook and virtue signalling or giving my opinion or talking about any donations I made to local groups that provide resources to people of color. blah blah... as white person.. seems empty and like I am giving myself a big old pat on the back.. Yay me..

I have also had some discussions with the non profits boards I am on and how we can best support either the demonstrations or individuals in our community who might be not dealing well with feeling safe. How to best put something on our social media to show support, encourage engagement and even how to be safe if demonstrating.

ON my personal page I posted this

“Local Friends/Family Planning on Going to the Protests: PLEASE READ THIS!!! 1. Please put a couple of numbers of people NOT going in Sharpie on your skin; if something happens (arrested, hurt) you may not have access to your phone. You are welcome to use my number. I/we will help you, i/We will pick you up, etc. 2. Have a person, again NOT going, as a check in. This is a person you will contact by X time when you are home safely. Talk to this person ahead of time w/where you are going, with whom, & emergency contacts in case you can't call.

.3. Password protect your phone (not touch/face recognition) 4. Go with a buddy. Designate a meeting place ahead of time in case you are separated. 5. Bring water, wear comfortable shoes, wear your face masks, put your hair up. Bring your id. Keep anything important in pockets, not in bags (supplies only in bags, not keys, not id, not money, not your phone, etc) 6. Only take with you items you are a) willing to not get back right away, if ever, and b) can not be seen as any kind of "weapon" 7. Exercise your right to remain silent, ALWAYS. If you're detained but not arrested ask, repeatably: Am I being arrested? Am I free to go? 8. If pepper spray is used DO NOT use water! Water will make it spread. Do not wear contact lens. 9. Document any police misconduct you see; if taking video state the date, time and your location. 10. Stay with the group as much as possible; beware of snatch squads detaining outliers. If you'd like more tips, there are a lot of resources out there, and I am happy to share some more with you or just talk about it; call or text me”.

My ex Jen wrote it and I shared with permission. I also added to make arrangements for pets home alone and weigh your physical and mental abilities before you rush to action.

Some of us do great on the front line. Others..do better in support or background roles.

SOO anon.. just because you don’t follow me on all social media do not think me quiet or not engaged. I was organizing protests likely before you were born. BLM and what is going on it not about my opinions.

I have a lot of younger followers AND everyone of them needs to decide for themselves if they can demonstrate and how they should conduct themselves. Do you want me to say “I hate all cops” because I won’t. But I hate the way the institution has become a power imbalance where just getting pulled over means you are not sure if the officer will be human or treat you like you are less than him. I don’t like that families have to pay money to write a letter or email or speak to a loved on in jail. I hate that many prisons are a profit centers. I hate that overwhelmingly young black teens are jailed for minor pot charges while their white counterparts rarely spend a night in custody.

I can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like every time you walk from your house as a person of color and know that you are judged (and negatively) for the color of skin you were born with. NO matter how hard I try I just can’t and when I do try and get anywhere it is over whelming.

I know lots of people, including maybe you, think I have answers and can share wisdom that can help people make decisions. This movement and the demonstrations are a long time coming. Just like any human can be, I am overwhelmed and saddened. I am unsure how to proceed, what to do exactly so I do what I can. Today I read the BLM website to see what they suggest. I am weighing my need to pay my bills and donate. Weighing the need and desire for me to be a good ally to POC and at the same time not make it about me or toot my own horn. And I have no answers. The entire law enforcement machine needs to be shaken empty and rebuilt with a coalition of citizens. I am afraid it won’t. And I hate that too.

I guess I should be flattered that you “don’t think no one noticed” clearly you did. And I appreciate that you value my opinion and thoughts so much that you reached out to find out why I haven’t spoken. The fact is, I have not been sure what to say. I have been hesitant to speak on actions or opinions that might not follow the wishes of the black leaders of this movement.

If you are asking if I am a racist.. yeah....probably to some extent. I am not immune to false stereo types or judgement calls based on skin color. The difference is I am self aware enough to call myself out when I do that and think over my internal voice. I used to be one of those A holes that said I was “color blind” until i went to college away from my home town. That is a story for another blog entry.

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

Text

Survey #341

“anger, misery, you’ll suffer unto me”

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? I don't think so. Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No, and I never would. Grow up. Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? No. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yeah; guilt would eat me alive otherwise. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Fucking ew, no. Have you ever held back a well-deserved compliment because you were jealous? No. Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? Ugh, no. Would most people consider you better than average looking? Ha, no. For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? Give me the perfect body, living in my horrible one has affected my mental health badly enough. I'm fine with having a moderate IQ. I just want to feel happy in my own skin. Have you ever embarrassed some intentionally in public? Wow, no. Have you ever used a false ID? Also no. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm embarrassed to tell people I don't HAVE a job. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I don't. I'm sure it was RP-related and not friendly, but I don't remember the exact convo. Have you ever got a D or F on your report card? I want to say no; I think the lowest I ever got was a C. If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? Ugh, no. I'm sorry if you're into it, but I'm just not. I would want to ensure they knew their uniqueness and individuality was seen. Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? There's a large number of those kinds of people. What brings out the worst in you? Probably when I'm building up towards a PTSD meltdown. I get VERY short and snappy and am convinced everyone hates and wants to leave me. My mouth also has NO fucking leash, and I know I can say very mean things that I'll regret later. What do you prefer, Skittles or Starbursts? Skittles. Mike & Ikes or Jolly Ranchers? Jolly Ranchers for sure. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Waffles (with syrup). Don't knock it 'til you try it, I'm telling you. What are some wild animals commonly found where you live? Besides birds obviously, there's squirrels, deer, opossums, raccoons... Have you ever had a lucid dream? I think I've had just one. What's your biggest problem at the moment? Probably my anxiety having stunted my growth in so many areas. Have you ever turned down a job offer? I don't think so, no. What's the longest hospital stay you've had? For what? I think my longest was almost two months for suicidal thoughts. Two months might sound long, but it was like... my third or so psych hospital stay for that same reason. What's something really basic that you're terrible at? Even the most simple math. I don't even know the majority of my elementary multiplication tables. Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Yeah. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? I have one there already, but I plan on getting it covered because it was an impulse tattoo that I feel no connection towards. Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth? My old house, yeah. Are you a beach, country, or city person? Country. Living in the suburbs has definitely reminded me of that... Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? Typing, by a long shot. I make typos texting too much. Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? Yeah. Who is the last person that you said "I love you" to, besides family members? Sara. When was your first real relationship? Sophomore year of high school to early college. Have you ever cried over an ex? I've cried the entire mass of water on Earth over an ex lmao. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes. Is there something really bad that you’ve done, that only YOU know about? No. Have you ever copied someone else’s homework? I think I have once or twice, but obviously with consent. What’s a hobby you would like to try out? If my legs worked like actual legs and I didn't sweat like an absolute pig, I would like to try out herping, but without actually interacting with the animal like picking it up and scaring the daylights out of it. I'd just be happy enough looking for reptiles, amphibians, and inverts to photograph instead. Does that still even count as herping? What was the last event you attended? My youngest niece's birthday party. How about the last event you organized? I've never organized an event. What’s something you get excited about doing and want to do it right away? Whenever I take nature pictures, I'm immediately keen to get them into Lightroom and do the postproduction. Is there anything you feel you’re better at than anybody else? Definitely not. What’s the biggest insect you’ve ever seen? If you exclude places like the zoo, that would probably be a rhinoceros beetle or something. Oh no, actually some kind of local moth I don't know the name of. They're beautiful big white boiz. How about the biggest spider? I might be mis-remembering, but I believe at a reptile convention I went to with Sara, one of the vendors had a goliath bird eater tarantula in one of the cups. I do know it was some tarantula species for sure, though. Who was the first person to break your heart? My dad. Obviously not romantically, but him just splitting on the family with no proper communication absolutely broke my heart for years. First person to give you flowers or candy on Valentine’s day? I'm sure that would be my parents. If you exclude them 'cuz that's kinda obvious, I believe it was Aaron, my first boyfriend. I'm pretty sure we were together on Valentine's Day, because I remember getting him a giant Hershey's Kiss. First band you obsessed about? I wasn't truly obsessed with any band 'til Ozzy in middle school. Can you do a backflip? No; I've never tried and never will. I was and still am too afraid of breaking my neck. Like I have a MASSIVE fear of paralysis, particularly from the neck down; that fear is actually the biggest one that keeps me from driving, fun fact. Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Of the two, definitely a pessimist, but I at least think I align most with being a realist. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? I'm unsure. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same sex? Yeah. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Just one. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Tyler once drew a picture of him and me. It was cute. That guy still dove in WAY too fast. Have you ever dated a redhead? I haven't, but I love redheads. Natural red hair is just gorgeous. What are your thoughts on facial hair on guys? Historically, I seem to generally like some, but it really depends on the guy's general appearance. I can like none at all or a full beard and mustache, it doesn't really matter to me. Did you go anywhere today? No; my mom is in Florida with her brothers totally cleaning out Grammy's house, so she's not here to take me anywhere. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Oh yikes, I have a lot. I honestly can't count because I've lost track of how many boys and girls Katie has. You have a choice to shoot your father or die, what would you do? Jesus. I'd rather die; some things just aren't worth living after, and I'd have no desire to keep going if I killed my father. Did you ever cry at the end of King Kong? I've never watched it, actually, but I. LOVED. The video game. I haven't played it in years and only faintly remember how it ends, but I don't remember crying. Are you in any amount of pain at the moment? Quite a lot, actually. It's kinda a TMI subject so I won't delve into it, just know I'm hurting like a bitch. What was the last sugary thing you ate? I snacked on some chocolate chips earlier today... which I really shouldn't have done, but I think I had reasonable restraint and didn't totally binge. When was the last time you did something extremely stupid? Who knows, that's not a rare occurrence, it feels like. Have you been to any parties lately? Only my niece's bday party in February. Thankfully it was kept pretty small, given Covid; not that anyone in that family besides my sister gives a flying fuck about precautions, though... Can you touch your pinky to your thumb around your wrist? Ugh, no. Close, but not enough. I still have thin wrists and hands, but yeah, yay for being overweight. If you were to start a charity, what would you call it? I'd hve to put more thought than I'm willing for one survey question. I'd have to decide what KIND of charity I want to start first, which I'm unsure of. Probably something related to animal wellfare and conservation or something similar to the Trevor Project. Maybe LBGTQ+ youth disowned by their families... I dunno. There's so much good I wish I could do. Are you comfortable with your body? Holy fuck no. It's only gotten worse since I started gaining weight again and almost entirely erased all weight loss progress I'd made. What is your recent inside joke? Most recently made? Idk, man. I don't make those often. Would you rather be a human, vampire, or a werewolf? Er, I'm good with being a human. If I was a vampire or werewolf, I wouldn't exactly be very welcomed, I'm sure, and both have seemingly painful traits to cope with. Are you good at giving directions? It is absolutely impossible for me. I have NO sense of direction, like, at all. I don't know highway names, local exits, etc. etc. etc. etc. Why did you last curse? Pain when readjusting myself due to aforementioned issue I'm having. What is your purpose in life? I hope it involves animals and spreading words of peace and an appreciation for art. What is one of your weak points? I'm very, very, very dependent on others. I'm really working on trying to correct that. I can barely do shit on my own as is. Who was the last person you heard snoring? My cat, haha. Would you rather shower by yourself or with another person? 100% by myself. Another person would just get in the way and make me VERY self-conscious of my body, even if it was my romantic partner. Just please leave me alone to hate myself for 10 minutes. :^) What was your last addiction? You could say my current one is John Wolfe, a really funny let's player I've gotten into. Been bingeing some of my favorite games he has playlists of for a few weeks now. You are in a tank full of spiders, what do you do? Well one, I'd like to know what kind they are. Venomous? Harmless? You gotta give me the details. If I don't have any, then I'm admittedly freaking the fuck out, even though I know I should stay very calm when trying to get out. Fear would win, though. If killing yourself meant saving the world, would you? Saving the world from what? But odds are, yeah. I don't cherish my pretty damn mediocre life more than I do the lives of what, 8 billion people? Have you ever stayed up all night just to talk to someone? Yeah. When was the last time you eavesdropped someone? I kinda do that sometimes when Mom's on the phone and I can hear her from my room, and if they're on speaker. Particularly if the subject is me. When was the last time you went to a club? I've never been to one. How have you been sleeping? Poorly. Are you adopted? No, I'm not. Do you like scrapbooking? Not really, no. Do you collect anything valuable? "Valuable to me." <<<< This. Nothing of great monetary worth, though. Have you ever been beaten up? No, thankfully. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? I don't think so, in my personal life. What was the last thing you killed? An ant. Have you ever used someone for money? I never could, no. When was the last time you went to the zoo? Sigh, it's been many many years. I'm so ready to get my goddamn legs back in shape so I can go again, this time with a REAL camera, too. Last time I went was when I still only had a Kodak EasyShare; I have a professional Canon camera now with much more education on photography too, so I would be in absolute heaven with at least twenty memory cards in need, haha. Maybe next fall... Is there a teacher you hate more than anything? I actually never had a teacher I hated in my entire school career. It really, really is as simple as just being a respectful student. In most cases, I should emphasize, because I do understand some educators just suck. Now I had some teachers I wasn't very fond of, but most certainly none that I hated. Do you own colored eyeliner? No. Do you have manners? I honestly think I'm very mannerly. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? We last had to put my dog Teddy down; he had cancer and was literally withering away. I knew in my very core that even if we didn't bring him to the vet to euthanize him, he would've died naturally in a very short period of time; I doubt he would've survived another night. Now I'd like to move on. What is your favorite medication that you take, and why? The combination of Vraylar and Lamictal is the reason I'm alive. It keeps my bipolarity and depression under control. Do you decorate Mason jars? No, but those are some of my favorite crafts visually. They're very pretty and cute. Can you see the mountains from where you live? Oh hunny, I wish. Did you ever play pranks on April Fool’s Day? As a kid, yeah. I don't anymore. I'm not really even a fan of April Fool's Day as an adult because of how cruel some jokes assholes play are. Which instrument would you play if you could learn to play one? Maybe violin. Do you part your hair on the left side, right side, or in the middle? The left. What are some names you like that start with the first letter of your name? Uhhhh Bianca, Braelynn (look I know it's so stereotypically Southern but it's pretty)... and idk from there, those are the two that come to mind first.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''harvester of sorrow'' by metallica

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