#but if i get a diploma... maybe i could go. fuck. maybe i could actually go. what the fuck.

[mbat]

oh i havent listened to next semester since before i turned 21 this is doing things to me. hearing him say 'start fresh with a new year' is getting to me.

i dropped out of highschool when i was 14 because i was suicidal and in a really toxic situation that would (unbeknownst to me at the time) leave me with trauma that im still sorting through to this day, and it was a choice i made that no one in my life understood or liked, especially my parents. i know why i did it, but i never got over that choice. its such a... shamed choice.

i mean, theres a stigma to it i feel like, not that i need to get into that, but also finishing school is encouraged because jobs want you to at least have a diploma i guess, but also so you can get into college and whatever

and while im not even sure i have a chance at going to college, and getting a job sounds like itll make me miserable all over again, i still want to finish school. even if i dont even pursue either of those things, i still want to finish school.

not to mention, maybe ill make friends there. my traumatizing situation left me isolating myself, i have no real life friends, especially not any of the people i used to know in school. and i didnt even get to go through any of the experiences people always talk about having in highschool, though lets be real thats probably for the best lol. i hope if i get to finish school, that ill make friends.

before i get to my point, this song also hits me because it sounds so much like trauma, i dont know how to explain it in a brief way like im doing here, but the way it feels like trauma resonates with me, and its connection to school and starting fresh next year just all around resonates with me. it felt like exactly what i needed and when i needed it.

but my point is... where i am, and in a few other places, goodwill has a program where people who didnt finish highschool can sign up for that program, and get a diploma when they finish. not a GED, or even a HSE, a diploma. but you have to be 21 to sign up for it... and i just turned 21 twelve days ago as of writing this.

and im just thinking... i can fix my mistakes. i can just go back and finish what i stopped years ago. its felt so much like all my mistakes were unfixable, something i couldnt change or help, and that id be stuck with the consequences forever, frozen in place for the rest of my life based on things i did when i was a child.

but im not. if i get accepted to this program... i can fix it. i can finally get my life back on track after 7 whole years of nothing happening in my fucking life. ive spent my entire teenage years and even into my 20s rotting away, thinking my life was over... but it doesnt have to be. it really doesnt have to be.

i kept feeling like me turning 21 was whatever, just an excuse for my family to finally take me drinking and gambling even though i dont like doing those... but its actually the best thing that could happen for me. finally, i get to continue living my life. i can finally try to go back to being a person after years of not being one.

i dont even know how to make it sound as important as it is to me. words really cant capture how much this is so fucking important to me. i get to start fresh. i cant change what ive done, but i can start fresh. im so happy.

[mercutiodidntdieforthis]

idk what to do anymore

[the-clock-of-the-time-dragon]

Okay so hear me out... [Massive spoilers and speculation on Wicked films ahead]

It's apparent that Wicked Part 2 is going to have new, expanded, and altered scenes — but by far the most tantalizing is implied by the first scene of the first film.

We see a cloaked figure on horseback fleeing from Kiamo Ko after the Melting, and then we see Dorothy, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, and the Scarecrow on the Yellow Brick Road back to the Emerald City. This is in keeping with the 1939 Wizard of Oz, which implies something hugely important about the plot of Wicked Part 2: the musical's original ending has been changed.

In the original stage version, Fiyero comes back to Kiamo Ko after getting his diploma brain from the Wizard and all that, and Elphaba comes out from her little trapdoor, and then they leave Oz together without telling anyone. It's unclear (on purpose, obviously), but it seems very apparent that the cloaked rider we see at the start of the 2024 film is Elphaba. This leaves us with a few possibilities for how the plot will unfold in Part 2.

1.) Elphaba simply leaves alone, telling nobody — not even Fiyero — that she's alive. I am okay with this, since honestly the way that the finale of the musical was written has always felt kinda clunky and borderline plot-holey to me.

2.) They still end up having the original ending happen, just switched around the order of some of the events. Maybe Elphaba escapes first but then finds Fiyero alone elsewhere somehow, and in the end still leaves Oz with him. I'd accept it — it is probably the most likely version they might go with — but with all the changes being made, I would be a little disappointed if it ends up this way ngl, when they have the chance to make a new ending that far surpasses the original.

3.) Elphaba leaves alone BUT makes Glinda and/or Fiyero aware of her survival somehow. This is actually a surprisingly plausible option I think, since Elphaba in the original show immediately wanted to tell Glinda she was alive (with Fiyero talking her out of it — which may not be a thing that happens anymore); and just IMAGINE how poignant heartrending it would be if Glinda were to find the old Emerald City guide with the note she wrote her in it, but with "I hope you get what your heart desires" in it in Elphie's handwriting, or something like that. Maybe even with Glinda singing her final "Good News!" after seeing it — leaving the door open that Glinda might have a chance to find her Elphie someday. Or hell, if they wanted to they could use the closing lines of the book in some form: the classic "did she ever come out?" and "not yet" (which of course itself has some delightfully sapphic undertones)

4.) Mostly wishful thinking on the part of my very very sapphic ass, but... can you fucking IMAGINE if they dared to rewrite an ending where Elphaba finds Glinda and asks her one more time "come with me..."?? And then they LEAVE OZ TOGETHER??? Not as plausible an answer as the others, I know — but can't a girl dream? I mean they set it up so well, if nothing else it's THERE for them to use if they decided to have the courage. In the first movie Elphaba says "come with me" twice to Glinda: first when she asks Glinda to come with her to the Emerald City (her 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽’𝓼 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓻𝓮), and lastly when she asks Glinda to come with her on her broomstick and escape (which of course Glinda refuses). If they decided to give Glinda a second chance to say yes and go with her, and this time she takes it... I mean, it would just be a really solid payoff to the material already established and obviously would also short-circuit all our gay little hearts. And the fact it's even conceivable they COULD do that is really exciting in and of itself. It isn't 2003 anymore, the stars are very on board for queerness — the only thing really reining in my hopes is the fact a major Hollywood family film blockbuster (even in 2024, sadly) usually can't bite the bullet and go full gay: BUT, who said it would have to be explicitly gay if Elphaba and Glinda leave together? Who's to say we couldn't get them And They Were Very Good Friends-ing away into the sunset together? No Homo as the plausible deniability needed to pull off the best sapphic victory in movie history? Oops, there go my hopes again, trying to defy gravity, lol

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

An exclusive deal

Written for @astrangersummer, week 12

Prompt: not-date

Rated: M

Words: 1,778 (also on AO3)

Relationship: Steve/Eddie

Tags: No UD AU; Future fic; Record label owner Eddie; Waiter Steve; Sex work; Attempted non-con (mentioned); Protective Eddie; Possessive Eddie

Notes: Previous part | Part 1

Eddie has been fantasizing about Steve Harrington for as long as he can remember. 

There was nothing tender to it in the beginning. Eddie was well aware of high school hierarchies and the unspoken laws of small town life. He was a freak who listened to the wrong kind of music, who lived on the shady end of town and sold drugs from his run-down van. He’d never amount to much in life. 

Steve on the other hand? Perfect, pretty King Steve with his rich parents, the big house, a different girl on each arm every weekend? That boy was destined to go far, everyone in Hawkins knew that much. 

Eddie was not an idiot. He knew that there were worlds between the two of them. There was no way in hell Steve would ever be his. And so he contented himself with imagining how that soft, smooth skin would feel under his hands, how those lips would taste as he sucked and bit at them while Steve moaned into his mouth. How the muscles of those perfect thighs would shake, wrapped around his waist or slung over his shoulders as he slowly reduced the King to a whining, sobbing mess.  

Eddie booked it out of Hawkins the second he finally had his diploma in hand. He never once looked back. He still thought about Steve, occasionally. 

It was only after they met again, years and miles away from that wretched place and with their positions in life all but flipped that Eddie's fantasies took a different turn. 

Suddenly, Steve wasn't just an unattainable pretty face floating past in the hallways, but an actual, real person. Still floating, mind you, now on roller skates while waiting tables, but a person no less. A person with a past he refused to discuss. A person with a stubborn streak for miles and a beautiful, snarky sense of humor, and a soft, vulnerable side he was desperate to protect. 

And suddenly, without warning, Eddie’s feelings shifted. Suddenly, he found himself preening at each glimpse of that smile, found his chest growing warm and tingly every time Steve accepted his tip money or leftover food.

Suddenly, the very thing that had always been a distant daydream seemed possible, and suddenly, he found himself craving it with a burning urgency that startled even himself. 

He wanted Steve to be his. 

And now, Steve is here in his apartment, shifting on the sofa so that he can lean further into Eddie’s space.

It's everything Eddie has been thinking about for weeks. Having Steve here, in his living room, close enough to feel his body heat, close enough to touch.

Except this is not a date. 

“Ow, fuck,” he hisses as Steve touches a piece of alcohol-drenched gauze to his split lip. “That hurts!” 

Steve scowls at him. 

“It wouldn't hurt so much if you could stop fidgeting for five seconds” he scolds, but his touch goes more gentle. “We need to clean this before it gets infected.” 

“Well,” Eddie says, “Maybe I’d stop fidgeting if you were more careful.” 

Steve rolls his eyes, putting two fingers to Eddie’s chin so that he can keep his head in place. “Stop being such a crybaby. I swear to God, I've babysat four-year-olds less whiny than you.” 

“Yeah, well,” Eddie snarks. “I doubt the four-year-olds ever had their heads bashed in trying to protect you from some sleazy, wannabe rapist in a dark side alley, so there.”

Steve freezes. 

“Shit,” Eddie says, fighting against the rapidly rising urge to punch himself again. He's probably mildly concussed already, God knows he can do without extra hits. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-”

“It's okay,” Steve says, but his expression has become guarded and distant again. Before Eddie can stop him, he stands, snatching the first aid kit from its place by their feet and carrying it over to the side table standing a small way off. A tense silence settles over the room while he turns his back, pretending to organize the contents, and Eddie wrecks his brain for something to say to lift the mood.

“Who was that douchebag, anyhow?” is what his mouth settles on. Steve's shoulders go rigid, and scratch that, Eddie clearly hasn't been punched enough yet. 

“Dunno,” Steve mutters, just as Eddie is considering whether to bash his stupid fucking head against the sofa table or the nearest wall. “I don't ask their names, usually.” 

Eddie can practically feel how the remaining color drains from his face. 

“Wait, whoa,” he blurts. “Hold on a second. Their names? As in plural? What the hell, Steve?” 

“Oh, for fuck's sake.” Steve slams the first aid kit shut so hard the plastic cracks, and whirls around. “Don't act so shocked. You think I'm getting by on waiting tables alone? Please! We're both grown-ass adults, don't make me spell it out for you.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Eddie screeches. His hands are shaking, he can hear his own blood in his ears, and apparently, he's gotten off the sofa at some point, because he's on his feet and Steve takes a step back as he advances on him, bumping his ass against the table. “What are you even- … You can't do that.” 

Steve's eyes go hard. 

“Why not?” he asks, and the aloof tone and stubborn jut to his chin remind Eddie painfully of the first time they met again at the diner. “What's it to you?” 

Everything, Eddie wants to say. It's fucking everything to him, because Steve is everything, and the idea of Steve with anyone else makes his blood boil and his stomach twist.  

“I just…” he stutters instead. “I don't- … I don't get it. Money's a little tight, so you thought it would be a good idea to fuck strangers in an alleyway?” 

Steve flushes and sputters. It would be adorable, under any other circumstances, if Eddie could feel anything but helpless rage right now. 

“I don't fuck them,” he says. “I just …” 

He trails off, blush darkening by about five shades. His eyes stay glued to one of the framed band posters on Eddie’s wall as he forms a loose circle with his thumb and fingers. He does a vague, jerky up-and-down motion, once, before he lets his hand flop to his side. 

“Sometimes I suck ‘em off, but only if they're nice and pay extra.” 

Eddie stares at him. Maybe, if the situation was any different, he'd find it funny how Steve can't bring himself to say the word handjob, but will casually talk about sucking someone off for a bit of extra money, but right now, all he wants to do is scream. The thought of Steve on his knees in that dark, stinking side alley, of that pretty, pink mouth opening for some other guy's cock, fills his mind with dark needlepoints of red. 

“Are you fucking serious?” His hands have found his hair, pulling on a fistful of curls until his scalp stings. “That's- … Shit, that's dangerous, Steve. Do you have any idea what-” 

“Oh, wow!” Steve throws up his hands and laughs, but there's no joy in it. “It's dangerous? Really? Well, thank you for telling me. What would I ever do without you?” 

“Well excuse the fuck out of me,” Eddie snaps, and his voice rises dangerously. “Like what, I'm not allowed to worry about you?” 

“No, you're not!” 

The words bounce unpleasantly off the walls of the living room. They feel like a punch to the gut, and without his conscious doing, Eddie finds himself stumbling a step backwards. Steve takes in the shock on his face and huffs. 

“You're not,” he repeats, more calmly this time, and somehow it's even worse the second time around. “You don't get to- … fuck, Eddie, I dunno what you think this is, but we're not- … You're a customer. I serve you food, you pay me. You tip well, so I'm nice to you, but that's- … We are not friends. You don't get to worry about me, and you most definitely do not get to tell me what to do or not to do with my body, okay?” 

Silence settles between them. Somewhere outside, the sound of sirens slices through the night. 

“Okay,” Eddie says. “I'm- … okay.” 

Steve nods. His breath is coming in ragged little puffs. 

“Okay,” he repeats. “Good. Thanks for helping me out.” 

Panic clawing at his chest, Eddie watches how he turns, picking up the bag with his roller skates from the floor. He wants to shout out, wants to tell Steve not to leave, wants to lunge and hold him back and never let him go again. 

But he can’t. This is not a date. They’re not friends. Steve isn’t his, and he can't tell him what to do, can't protect him, can't do anything but pay him for his service and hope that-

“Wait.”

The word is out before the thought fully settles. Steve turns on the threshold of the living room, eyes weary and tired. 

“What?” 

Eddie doesn't allow himself time to pause. If he did, he'd think about what a horrible idea this is, and he doesn't have time to second-guess himself now.

“How much do you make with that little side hustle of yours?” 

Steve shrugs. 

“Depends? I have a couple of regulars, but-” He cuts himself off and Eddie can see how he reels himself back in, how his shoulders go rigid and his expression closes off. “Why should I tell you?” 

“Because I'll double it.” Eddie means to sound bold and confident, but he nearly barrels over himself in his haste to get the words out, and his voice cracks pathetically on the last syllables. A disbelieving little smile twitches over Steve’s face.

“You'll what?” 

“Double it,” Eddie repeats, more firmly this time. He finally finds the use of his feet again, bridging the distance between them with a few quick steps. Steve’s smile drops. “No, screw this, I'll triple it. You want me as a customer, I'll be your goddamn customer. On one condition.” 

Steve's shoulders bump against the doorframe as Eddie steps into his space. For a second or two, Eddie thinks he's going to bolt - run right out the front door and into the darkness, maybe disappear from Eddie’s life forever. But he stays. Stays close enough for Eddie to see how his breath hitches in his throat. Close enough for Eddie to see the temptation in those gold-flecked eyes. 

He knows he has won before he even says it, and it fills him with a grim, possessive satisfaction. He's probably a horrible person for it. 

“I want this to be an exclusive deal.” 

Part 5

Tag list: @p0lybl4nkk @fairytalesreality @colidamae @dissociatingdemon @steddhie

@formosusiniquis @steddiehasmywholeheart @ellaelsinore @rozzieroos

[izzabela]

dost thou do combinations? i present thee with;

soapgaz x reader

messy boy whose kept on a leash by handler kyle only letting him loose to mess with a pretty thing (you)

MDNI - perv!reader, established!soapgaz x fem!reader, threesome, virgin!reader, innocent!reader, perhaps coercion? TA!soapgaz x failing!scholarship-award!reader

there's nothing worse than the world ending- actually, there is.

losing your scholarship because of two classes. not only that, but being so close to graduation you can just feel the diploma already in your hands, these two classes were going to kill you if you couldn't lock in.

one of them is a non-pathway-related course, military conflict 1421. where you can never understand why a certain conflicts cause a war or America to come in to "save the day". after all, it's not illegal if the military does it.

the other was organic chem (need i say more?).

both of your classes had TAs though, and no one really talked to them (good enough for you, you need all the help you could get).

approaching the TA for mil-con was a lot easier for you than expected.

"Kyle Garrick," he introduced with a kind smile, chocolate eyes peeking through the slits of his eyes as he offered a handshake. "everyone calls me Gaz though."

you're not good with people, much less boys, and you're surprised that it was so easy to talk to him.

after lectures every tuesday and thursday, you two would have the office of your mil-con's professor to yourselves. it didn't make you think any different, after all your grades were slowly going up!

but sometimes he'd leave lingering touches after you got a question right. other times, he'd leave you little kisses on your fingers and in the palm of your hand.

you scored a 100 on your latest test, and he gave you a sloppy kiss on your shoulder. (he's just being nice though, you think).

then there's the TA for o-chem. a stark contrast to the calm, collected, and charming man that was Gaz.

"John Mactavish," he barks, pearly whites on full display. "e'ryone cols me Soap tho'."

despite the obnoxious laughs and boisterous voice, he was a damn good tutor. he broke down why certain chemicals looked the way they did, how to draw their structures, etc etc.

but every tutoring session, mondays and wednesdays, he pulls you in his lap. "Ta help with reinf'rcin' the learnin'," he said, pecking your neck.

and i mean, if Gaz did it, then who's to say the other TAs didn't? besides, you were really soaking everything he was teaching! (or maybe it's your cunt lapping up the dampness of his pants).

his rewards were great too: As and Bs on homework got you kisses on your cheek and face, perfect scores on quizzes earned you lap-grinding, and perfect scores on tests allowed makeout sessions.

by the time finals roll in, crash, and pass, you saved your scholarship and grades! graduating suma cum laude, you walked the stage with pride as you accepted your diploma (the boys were watching, equally as proud).

and who's to say the celebrations needed to end there? you got a text as soon as the ceremony concluded from an unknown number.

Congrats love, we're so proud of you

^Gaz btw

gave me yer number, remember?

you're not entirely sure if you did, but it's plausible since they were the key to your success. ensue the long text chain, he invited you over to their place (their? maybe it was a typo, you thought).

knocking on the door, it's slightly ajar as you hear the ambient noise of the tv mindlessly drone on in the living room. you don't want to be a bother, but Gaz hadn't come get you from the door.

besides, it was open!

as you walk in, the sight of Soap, your beloved o-chem TA was grinding on Gaz's clothed cock, fully naked, while Gas has him choked and smirking like a fucking maniac. You watch as Gaz spanks his arse til it's beet red, Soap's eyes rolling so far back he's seeing stars, watching his hips move automatically.

it should disgust you, tear your eyes away from a clearly intimate moment between lovers. except, you can't help but feel hot, bothered, and unforgivingly wet downstairs.

Soap's head moves to the side a bit and notices your little figure outside the door, squirming in place as you look equally short of breath. he turns to Gaz and motions over to the door, and Garrick....

"Here she is, our pretty graduate," he croons, and you follow his voice like it's a siren's song.

you're not sure when you got your shoes off, or when you dropped the flowers and grad cap, but all you know is that it smells like heaven in here.

and you don't want to leave.

Gaz fills you in on how he's just punishing Soap for all the naughtiness he's put you through this semester. something about his rewards systems for your on-on-one tutoring.

"He can be touched, jus' not allowed t' touch back'," he whispers into your ear, taking your wrist and guiding it to touch his exposed pecs, hard nipples, and pickled skin lined with goosebumps.

you're not sure when you got undressed, Gaz is surprisingly good at being thorough and quick, but warm hands roam your body while equally warm lips pepper you with kisses.

"ach, bonnie please," Soap begs, and something inside you begins to trail to his leaking cock. he tries to reach to your head, but Gaz's got your neck first,one arm there and the other over your belly to keep you away from whatever plans he has.

"no touching, dog," Gaz commands, and Soap whimpers (you swear you can see dog ears on his head go flat).

you meekly ask if you can, your fingers missing his cock by a centimeter, and Gaz decides, "why not? been good for us all sem."

and that's enough for you to begin stroking him, watching Soap's face warble into pleasure and frustration. yes, he's getting his fix of a handjob in, but it's not fun when he can't touch. so why not help him out with your mouth?

while Gaz is busy worshipping your body, your mouth sinks over his cock like a powerful magnet. the smell (is this what men smell like?), the taste, the sensation of your throat getting stimulated... is this what you've been missing?

asyou bob up and down, Gaz whistles, patting your ass like a good pup. spreading your cheeks, he sees your dripping cunt and feasts like a thanksgiving turkey. the noises are sinful, but the ones coming out of your mouth and onto Johnny's cock are equally as awful.

do all tutors do this after tutoring? if so, you'll be in tutoring all the time!

and when Gaz is finally done with his meal, mouth and nose covered in your lovely juices, he grabs a condom to go over his cock. you leave Johnny's cock and turn around in surprise.

"'s alright," he coos into your mouth, tip just egging your sloppy cunt. "focus now, love, i got'cha..." and when he says "got'cha," all the choirs were singing to rejoice his coming home.

you fit so well for him, his cock just burying itself nice and deep. but you're also incredibly, fucking tight.

"w-wait!" you cry out, but it falls onto deaf ears as his cock makes its mark inside of you. hitting your spot so well, symphonies left your mouth as the pounding of your cunt directed the salacious moans leaving you.

"Christ, Gaz. Think ta lass has no' don this bef'r" his accent thickening at the thought of you being unclaimed, unmarked- free for the taking.

and when you hum in reply, eyes prickling with tears, Johnny chuckles while Gaz snickers behind you. Gaz hushes you though, telling you it's okay, and that they'll take good care of you (obviously, he's got his cock in you, so who's to say they won't take care of the rest?)

as Gaz is hitting your spot so well, symphonies leaving your mouth as the pounding of your cunt directed the salacious moans leaving you.

all of this made Johnny harder. his pretty lass, getting fucked by his best mate and boyfriend, watching her tits bounce up n' down n' up n' down, and Gaz's gaze dark and hooded as he left marks, bites, and ownership over you.

Gaz then pushes your head onto Johnny's cock, finally giving him reprieve for being such a good pup and being so patient. he's able to put his hands on you, ofrcing you to go the pace he needs, while your throat can just barely keep up.

you can feel their hips snap faster, the pace in their fucking grow needier as their highs came closer to them (insane, since they thought this was heaven already). and of course, they can't leave you behind, so Gaz goes to rub your pretty pearl while Soap's caressing your cheek, saying nothing but pretty praises to get you to squeeze onto his boyfriend tighter.

you squeal on Johnny's cock, and the vibrations on his cock make him cum immediately. Gaz can see his man spent, so why not match?

"c'mon, pretty, let's see all that hard work pay 'ff hm?" he chides into your ear, but you can only muffle out hums and hmms in response for being stuffed full in that talented mouth.

you're bucking your hips though, which is great because Gaz adjusts his pace and slams into you perfectly. as he does so, Johnny manages to sneak past your shoulder, bringing Gaz's face to his as their tongues collide and lips meet.

you're not sure what got to you first, your tutors making out so desperately right next to you, or the fact that they're making out while your clit gets stimmed to infinity and beyond. either way, you've come so hard you're at the edge of the universe.

"go on love, i kno' yer achin' fer it," Soap chides, kissing your cheek and wiping your tears simultaneously as Gaz bucks into you harder and harder and harder until-

"Christ!" he cries, staying inside as he empties himself into the thin (but powerful) plastic wrap, trying to get a feel of what it would be like dumping everything of his inside of you.

"Happy grad, dove," they whisper simultaneously.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

that was a shit end and i'm so ready to be stuffed like a turkey today!

[alevolpe]

Could I bother you to do a dump of your thoughts on everyone's favorite undercooked and over-punctured hero, Chiba Mamoru?

Hmm, thoughts, i have a lot of thoughts about Mamo, but at the same time, not as many as others would think.

I like him, i think most people who follow my blog know this. He’s a very nice addition to the cast despite his many.. problems.

I’ll first address the elephant in the room.. he should not be a part of the main cast fighting along the girls.

Sorry, I know some people love that for him, but for me it just doesn’t work and he doesn’t organically fit in the story after season 1. He’s basically stringed along to be just the damsel in destress to motivate Usagi in most cases and that’s not compelling for me or is a good turn for his character.(there’s nothing there, there’s no character for me to care about. Just pretty guy looks pretty, wow, I’m compelled)

He should’ve been mostly done after season 1. After that he should’ve been a supporting character helping Usagi as a regular guy trying to go back to his regular life while being a loving and supportive boyfriend to Usagi. (It’s also such a missed opportunity with this dynamic that you NEVER see. A female superhero and his bf being the normal guy trying his best to keep up with wtf is going on with his gf and magic beings while also studying for his diploma, living the life of a regular guy trying to make it through school and his job and trying his best to also be a nice and helpful person to his gf’s team/best friends. Most of whom don’t have the highest opinion of him lol).

It’s genuinely what he deserves, he doesn’t need to be stringed along this journey as a puppy for Usagi to be chase after. LET THE MAN GET HIS HUMAN LIFE BACK TOGETHER!! (And maybe some therapy) His whole existence is not just Usagi/moon romance/future bullshit, he’s his own person ffs.

Sigh.. ok with that out the way I’ve already talked about my problems with the “miracle romance” here (tldr, I wanna keep it I like it, just workshopping needed).

Now, is there a way I could possibly organically integrate him into the story as an equal and distinct identity to Usagi.. yes.. do I want to? Not really.

In short I don’t really have a ton of interest in exploring that outside of the first season. That’s where his character gets introduced, where he has the most connections, with Serenity and with the 4 kings and Beryl, that’s where his character peaks and where he deserves to have his “happy ending”. My story is mostly centered around the bond around the girls and the world around them, not romance (even tho there are moments of it, yes, it’s not mainly a romance unlike the manga). Also trying to fit him without having the girls take an active step back is really difficult and has never been executed right.

In the manga him and Usagi are the main characters and in the anime everyone is written to be useless til he shows up. You basically have to scale down everyone else for him to shine and I don’t vibe with that.

Also also, in my version he has no Crystal. People have no Crystals, just the senshi. having a Crystal in you is a strictly senshi thing, him having one never made sense to me (if you like it, good for u, I don’t care for it, idc if it’s explained in canon). So he’s just a regular guy, he’s a smart reincarnated regular guy who committed a bunch of heists and some breaking and entering, but like.. tf he gonna do against a senshi.

TLDR: I like Mamo. Mamo is good, good character, but scale him down to supporting cast and make him a more supportive boyfriend to Usagi and honestly give him more of his own person outside of his reincarnation or future self.

ALSO SMALL THING BUT actually have him interact with the girls in some way, with different and fun levels of chemistry. Like him being awkward cause he knows both him and them want the best for Usagi, but like Rei.. is Rei, Mako’s pissed at him for being a dirty thief, Mina just fucks with him 24/7 and Ami, idk I guess Ami does kind of vibe with him, but like, they are both awkward nerds. I wanna see that!

[octuscle]

I went to my high school reunion and was reminded of how so many of these guys were the big cocky jocks. I wish I could go back and be a huge cocky teenage jock like they were.

It's 11:00 a.m. and the principle of your former high school is giving an incredibly boring speech on the occasion of the farewell ceremony for the current graduating class. And to the alumni who are celebrating the tenth anniversary of their graduation this year. So here's to you and your former classmates.

You let your gaze wander through the auditorium. Some of your classmates are still as hot as they were ten years ago. Others have let themselves go a little. Unfortunately, you are one of them. Yes, your expensive suit hides a lot. But you can't deny that you are even fatter and untrained than you were ten years ago.

Fuck, now this year's seniors are coming on stage to collect their diplomas. Did they spend all of high school in the gym. Your cock produces precum in greater quantity as you watch the studs pass by on stage. What would you give to get your diploma again.

After an hour, the ceremony is over. There is a reception for the graduates and the jubilarians. Actually, you shouldn't be here. It's only been nine years since you graduated. But there must have been a mistake with the invitations. And hey, some of the guys who had left high school a year before you were really hot, with some of them you had a flirt or a one night stand or two. Fortunately, no one asks you why you are here today. Basically, every alumni is allowed to come to the ceremony. And at least you receive a few compliments. Hehehe, the last year at the gym seems to be paying off. But it's about time, you weren't exactly sporty for long enough.

After an hour it starts to get boring. You haven't been to your hometown for ages. You drive to the mall and stroll through the shops. You were actually unsure whether you should go to the prom tonight. But somehow you would like to. Finally an occasion to buy a dinner jacket. Most of the shops look too expensive for you. Or nothing fits you. But it's 4 p.m. when you stand in front of the mirror of a plus-size men's clothing store. You've been lifting iron for five years. Every free minute. And it shows. And that makes buying suits really difficult. But you look fantastic in that dinner jacket. And luckily it's reasonably cheap. You're just out of college, so your money's not that loose yet. But now just one more coffee and then back home. You promised your parents to have dinner with them before you go to the ball.

Your parents are happy when you ring the doorbell at 6 pm. After the summer, you start your senior year at college. Your mother is already complaining that she won't see you again. And why you still don't have a boyfriend. And whether you would like to adopt children. After all, they want to have grandchildren. You smile and praise her cooking.

Around 20:00, dinner is over. Your father retires to the television with a cigar. Your mother tidies up the kitchen. And you go into the garage to the gym of your father and yourself. Before you go out today, you want to pump up your muscles. Some of your mates want to go to your high school prom later. You are glad that you finally closed this chapter a year ago. For the right training effect, you give yourself another shot. Since you started using anabolic steroids. you've become a beast.

22:00 hrs. Good workout. The guys will pick you up in half an hour. You could take a quick shower. But what for? First of all, you love the smell of fresh sweat after training. And secondly, you'll just be hanging out in the car park in front of the gym anyway, maybe blowing each other. And every once in a while, one of the high school seniors will surely come from the prom, smoke a cigarette with you, and maybe get a blowjob. Or give you a blowjob. Your cock is legendary with the juniors. You're really going to miss some of the seniors next year. But then you'll be a senior in high school and it'll be the year of your life.

[3liza]

What is the difficulty curve like for american schooling? What is the usual pass/fail threshold? Here it is 50% with the peak of the bell curve (intentionally set and recalibrated every year) at 70%, so you get at least ±2 STDs of student marks captured between 50% and 90%. Which makes me think the exams/assignments themselves must be more difficult than their american versions. Ive heard that in some schools anything below 70% is an F, can that be true? The exam itself has to be easier in that case, surely

i might be the wrong person to ask, and not only because im not an expert or informed about the details of the current American school system, and im approaching middle age so my experience is now out of date, so maybe an actual teacher can correct me, but my experience in american K-12 education was that everything is made up and the points dont matter. i dont think it's standardized here at all. each teacher had their own grading opinions and some classes i went to were on a curve, some weren't, some were pass-fail, "cool' teachers would often say stuff like "everyone in here has an A right now. the only way you will lose that grade is by not showing up and not doing you work" and then would ding you points every time you fucked up, etc.

i have absolutely no idea what my HS GPA was, never cared about participating in graduation so i didn't go, and I think iirc I graduated late anyway (or they were threatening to withhold my diploma or something?) because of fucking gym credits (i have a connective tissue disorder, exercise-triggered asthma, crippled knees, and POTS, and kept telling adults that the stuff we were doing in PE class was hurting and injuring me, to which they would respond that i was "out of shape"), which my lawyer mother managed to get dropped from my graduation requirements by successfully proposing that my after school activities like dance and semi-pro theater and bartering stable work for horse riding time were sufficiently athletic to quality as PE. she was right btw i was working my ass off. anyway thanks mom. but again this is equivalent to Ryan Stiles successfully arguing that Drew Carey should give him ten points for the improvised limericks about the battle of Thermopylae instead of 3, and then Carey doing so.

TEST SCORES are standardized, and the Bush-era No Child Left Behind reforms turned my HS from a school where you go to class and do schoolwork into a test prep and test taking warehouse over one summer. it was an actual nightmare. i also dont know what my test scores were. probably bad

so basically my experience was that i never knew what my GPA was anyway because i both didnt care, and also whatever counted as a "credit" wasnt standardized either so it was impossible to keep track of. the causative order of these two things could go either way, idk if i didnt care because grades were too confusing, or if grades were confusing just to me because i didn't care.

edit: i also didn't have any friends who knew/were keeping track of what their GPA was during school. people either graduated or dropped out nd some of them got sent to summer school ("bad kids") and we would see the scores marked on assignments when the assignments were handed back, but cumulative, ongoing awareness of "how well are you doing in school officially"? maybe there were really on-the-ball kids who knew this information but if there were i never heard anyone talk about it and had no awareness whatsoever where any of my peers stood in school credit rankings.

[sungbeam]

(going off of ur reblog) THATS SO REAL LMFAO i oscillate between never checking grades and then obsessively checking them 💀💀 both are anxiety inducing so ig there’s no winning for us 😔😔 AND YEAHHH agree completely with the holidays & finals really making the end of the year busy—luckily my family doesn’t go all out for holidays but i’ve seen what other families do and i’m just like damn 👀 personally i could never but if people enjoy it i’m very happy for them 🙏

ALSO HELL YESSS we’re both academic weapons 🙏 lmao real i fucked up my gpa last semester so this semester i had to LOCK TF IN and make sure it didn’t drop any more 😭 and i’m in healthcare!! i don’t like to get *too* specific on tumblr because my major is really niche and if you google it my college immediately comes up 💀 lowk whenever i feel like i’m drowning i always stalk ur blog because ik ur pre-med (and also double majoring u crazy talented gal) and i’m like “alr duckie’s in the trenches too we gotta woman in stem our way outta this” HA 😭

so real about the crying/sick during exams too 💀 i was literally that student SOBBING during the exam during one of my midterms hdsbcjdnkx i can’t deal with math 😭

hopefully we both get to rest up well over this break!! i too am ignoring any possibility of productivity because i’m so committed to rotting 💀 spring semester is gonna kick my assss and i need time to rest (is what i’m telling myself)

how does ur spring semester look bae? hopefully not too packed or stressful <33 i believe in u!! hoping ur having a lovely day/night 😽🫶

it truly is the most anxious thrill of our student lives 💀 like i need to invent a way to check my grades without it being like waiting for a jumpscare to happen TT oh wait — maybe that's just dropping out of school 🤡🤡 my family also doesn't go all out for the holidays, but some years we get roped into family gatherings for lunch/dinner or i host a small holiday thing w my friends kdnfkd no fs like hats off to those who can go all out for the holidays tho, i truly don't have the energy for that 😭

i needed to lock in too omg this past quarter was actually so gross 😭 then again, it could've been a lot worse :'))) ahhh icic healthcare girlies rise up HAHA (even as the system beats us down 😭) WAIT THATS SO FUNNY PLS SKFNDKFN WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER THO BESTIE 🤝🏼 im not technically double majoring? (i once looked up the requirements to double major in bio and i exited out of that tab so fast like 💀 naw i wanna graduate), but it's like basically the same amt of work ig i just don't get it on a diploma 💔 omg i can't do math either, unless it's like a problem ik how to do? idk if that makes sense TT but mathematical problem solving doesn't come easy to me 😭 i have a friend who starts LAUGHING during an exam,, idek she gets possessed

YES LETS REST UP BEFORE THE NEXT SEMESTER/QUARTER 😭😭 it's ur last sem before graduation tho (i think?) so ur completely justified for rotting ksnfkdnf my next quarter is not looking great if im being honest.... apparently one of my ochem profs is absolutely ass and im taking four classes again just to meet my intended graduation time (im trying to graduate a year early ,, don't look at me like that,, 😭😭 my head hurts thinking abt it) I BELIEVE IN U TOO THO!! if u need someone to talk/rant to im here for ya — women in stem solidarity !! 🫂 have a lovely day/night beloved 💖💖

[svtskneecaps]

listen in the grand scheme of things i'm glad i let myself get back into minecraft content for this. like i haven't touched a minecraft series since like 2014, on purpose, but i saw clips of qsmp in march 2023 and thought, screw it. maybe it's time. and i don't regret it yknow? i saw multilingual server and thought 'that looks AWESOME' and it certainly didn't disappoint. my only regret is that everything went crazy and people logged off RIGHT when everyone finally started relying on the live translations more, which was something i've been dreaming of for months lmfao. all in all, just happy to be here. this stuff gave me new reasons to use my blog.

hell if this is actually an end or even just a pause maybe i can FINALLY write my FUCKING TIME LOOP FIC JESUS FUCKING I'VE BEEN COOKING THAT STUPID FUCKING THING SINCE LIKE MAY LIKE I WAS ON THE FUCKING FIELD AT MY COLLEGE GRADUATION CEREMONY WAITING TO WALK THE STAGE AND GET MY DIPLOMA AND I WAS WRITING THE FIRST STUPID CHAPTER OF IT LIKE GENUINELY BUT I PUT IT ON HOLD BC THINGS KEPT HAPPENING AND I WAS LIKE I SHOULD UNDERSTAND THE BIG PICTURE SO I CAN ACTUALLY PLAY WITH IT PROPERLY BC THE MOST FUN I HAVE WITH TIME LOOP AUS COMES FROM KNOWING EVERYTHING AND MESSING WITH HOW SIMPLE ACTIONS CAN ALTER THE PROGRESSION OF EVENTS AND CHANGE CHARACTER CHOICES LOGICALLY BC THAT STUFF'S COOL BUT I DIDN'T KNOW LIKE THE MYSTERY OF THE FEDERATION OR WHATEVER AND I WANTED TO SEE WHERE THAT WAS GOING SO I COULD SEE WHETHER I WANTED TO TOSS IT OR ALTER IT OR KEEP IT AND SEE NOW I'LL KNOW YKNOW AND NOW I CAN JUSTIFY SHIT LIKE "OH HEY PURGATORY'S HAPPENING IN JUNE THIS TIME BC I WANT THE BREAKFAST TRIO TO EXIST FASTER AND FUCK YOU" WITHOUT IT FEELING TOO WEIRD AND ALSO STUFF LIKE CODE LORE AND ALL THIS OTHER NONSENSE LIKE DAMN WOULD BE PRETTY COOL I MEAN ONE SINGLE FUCKING INTERACTION BETWEEN SLIME AND MARIANA COULD SEND ME CAREENING DOWN A PATH PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT UNIMAGINABLE I COULD MAKE THIS FIC THAT'S BEEN SIMMERING SINCE LAST MAY A REALITY I COULD DO IT THIS COULD FIX ME. THIS COULD FIX ME

but yeah i'm glad i allowed myself to get invested in this server. i think y'all are cool, and i think the admins did amazing with everything they were given even though they shouldn't have been given it the way they were, and the ccs were cool and i'm glad everything happened yknow. maybe things will keep happening and maybe not but yknow what. i became All Powerful. i started watching as someone who knew english and some french and now i am someone who knows english (100%), slightly more french (like 70%), a workable understanding of spanish (like 40%) and a slightly less workable understanding of portuguese (like 20%) they added german to nerf me specifically. they knew i was getting too powerful. yeah, i spent some time as a kpoppie, i have a tiny miniscule understanding of korean (5%) german i have 0 experience with they added german to nerf me and then this happened to nerf me further. make no mistake they cannot stop me. i will become all powerful.

like cmon. if it ends here it was never all bad. i don't even have to use google translate to understand roier shittalking in the chat. i can just read it. i couldn't do that before :D and i can make my chilean friend keysmash bc she's not used to me knowing any spanish at all

we've grown strong over the year, haven't we? i hope we will continue to, no matter what :D

[samcscreams]

Chads homework Crisis

It’s about 7:30 on a Thursday. Sams just getting home from work to an empty apartment. Tara and Mindy have their film studies class tonight which goes until about 9:30. Sam isn’t too keen on a night class but it was the only film class with two vacancies. As Sam was getting out of her work clothes and into something more comfortable she’s startled by panicked knocking at the front door. “Sam, Sam, Sam. Oh please be home” she heard Chad say from the other side. Her heart dropped why would Chad be freaking out at their door. Her mind immediately goes to worst case scenarios involving Tara. She opens the door quick as if she’s now in a panic. “What. What happened. Is someone hurt?” She said wide eyed looking at Chad as he hurries inside. He turns to look back at her confused he says “what no. I need your help. I know I normally go to Tara or Mindy with this but they have class and you’re the only other person I trust.” He said sheepishly. Sam sensed his embarrassment. “Hey it’s okay what can I help with?” She asked calming down. “Well I have this paper due. And I pretty much have it done but well you’re the only one who’s available and actually knows I’m dyslexic so I was wondering if you could help me finish it.” He said with a dopey grin. Sam thought to herself for a moment. I mean ya she’s helped him before but it was with minor stuff. she would spell a word for him or read something to see if it makes sense. Shes never actually sat down with him to fix his papers. Tara and Mindy were always around to do so. I mean she only has a high school diploma what if she can’t help him enough to pass. An expression of worry crossed her face. “Hey if it’s too much of an ask I can just try it myself. Don’t worry about me” Chad said as he headed for the door. Sam grabbed his arm before he could even take a step. “Oh no we’re doing this. And we are gonna get you that A” she said as all her doubt turned to determination. “Fuck ya” he said. They both sat at the dining room table. Notes and paper covering every inch of the table. Lap top open with a million tabs and it’s already on a charger. 9:45 hits and Tara comes back from class. “Sam I’m home” she says as she walks through the door and stumbles upon Sam and Chad super focused on a lap top screen. “Um hello?” Tara says again as she didn’t get a response the first time. “Oh sorry hi. wait what time is it? I didn’t make dinner yet. How was class?” Sam said in a fluster looking around for her phone. “No worries I ate before class. What are you two doing?” Tara asked extremely confused. “Paper” Chad said as he finally broke concentration from the laptop. “Ahh I see I’ll let you get back to it then” Tara said as she walked to her room. Chad looked to Sam who was already back at it. “Maybe we should ask her for—“ Sam cut him off before he could finish “No we got this” Sam said as she gave Chad a look that sent chills through his spine. They spent hours checking sources and proper MLA formats. Reading the paper back and forth to each other to make sure it made sense. Around 3am though blood shot eyes and shaky hands Chad looked to Sam. “I think this might be the best paper ever written” he said. “It fucking better be.” Sam added before putting her head down on the table and passing out. Chad walked to the couch and crashed.

In the morning Tara walked back out into the living room to see Sam still alseep at the table and Chad sprawled out on the couch. Knowing both of there schedules she grabbed a pot lid and wooden spoon. She bangs them together “Wakey wakey we got places to go and people to see” both Sam and Chad jump to there feet “What the fuck Tara” said Chad as he try’s to rub the sleep from his eyes. Sam glares at Tara but doesn’t say anything as she technically wasn’t in the wrong. However as Sam realizes the time she looks to Chad. “Chad your paper. your class is at 10” she exclaimed. The clock read 9:45. Chad scrambles to check his phone which had died in the night. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He said as he ran around the apartment collecting all his things. Sam helped as best she could. And before anyone could saying anything else he was gone. “Thanks for the wake up call. Even though…” Sam said gesturing to the pot and spoon still in Tara’s hand. “You’re welcome” Tara said with a shit eating grin.

About a week and a half pass. Mindy, Anika, Tara and Sam are at the apartment watching a movie. When Chad busts through the front door. “SAM, SAM, SAM!” He says trying to catch his breath. He looks as if he ran all the way there. “Whoa there big guy” Anika says as she goes to pause the movie. Sam gets up and walks towards Chad who is now on the floor digging through his back pack. As she gets closer he hold a paper in his hands as if he was presenting her with an Award. She grabbed the paper from his hands and she scanned it over. In big bold red pen read A+ 100%. “You got an A!” She beamed at him. “Oh no no no. WE got an A” he said as he went in for a hug but then hesitated knowing Sam isn’t too big on physical touch from anyone, but Tara. Sam however was to happy to care she met Chad half way for the biggest celebratory hug in the world. Just then Mindy walks over and snatched the A+ paper from Sam’s hand. “My brother got an 100% on a paper? In college? Oh my god it must be the end of the world” she said being extremely over dramatic. Chad snatched the paper back “ya with no thanks to you” he said giving her a little shove. “I have the perfect spot for that.” Sam said as she grabbed the paper and headed towards the kitchen. “Ta Da” she sings as she backs away from the fridge with Chads paper hanging proudly as a parent would hang their child’s drawings. “Aww that’s so cute” Tara added “Wow what an honor.” Said Chad as he walked closer to the fridge. “ I just want to thank my mom and dad for giving me this opportunity. And most importantly Sam for sticking it out through the night.” he says as if he’s giving an award acceptance speech. “Well it looks as though you don’t need us anymore” Tara said “Yep I don’t need either of you anymore. I got Sam for every assignment now” Chad said happily as he puts his arm around her. Sams eyes widen realizing what she’s gotten herself into. “Haha have fun with that” Tara teases as she and Mindy walk back to the living room. Chad looks confused and turns to Sam. “What” he says looking at Sam. She sighs taking pity on him “Nothing buddy come on” she says as she walks Chad to the couch to finish the movie.

Disclaimer* I am also actually dyslexic. So if anything is spelled wrong or if I have poor grammar, Cut me some slack plz. But anyway hope you enjoyed this!

[floosies]

Radio

early 2000s au

eddie munson x poc!oc

warnings: mentions of drugs, cursing, eventual smut, mentions of abuse, friends to lovers 18+

a/n: i feel like i should explain i'm writing this the way i remember acting as a teenager and how i remember my friends behaving, i feel like teenage angst should be honest no matter how dumb is it looking back at it. also this is gonna be a longer chapter.

Junior Year, 2008

Something had happened during the first couple of months of junior year. Eddie wasn't acting the way he usually had been last year. She noticed it happening before her. He had started ditching again to the point he just wasn't showing up most of the week. His replies were either paragraphs long or nothing and no calls anymore. He wouldn't talk to her at parties anymore either, just sell what he came with and head out.

In his head, Eddie was trying to spare her from his bullshit. His dad been trying to get him to go clear his name at his upcoming trial. Trying to push some bullshit about his mom and how she would have wanted him to do that for her. He hung up on him then and there, he remembered the countless times the psycho smacked his mom around like a ragdoll. He never forgot how he would hold his mom after his dad would leave her with bloody noses or a busted lip. She died trying to get away from him and it was some shit Eddie would never forgive his dad for.

He wanted to do right by Julie and his uncle, but people around Hawkins already saw him one way so it didn't really matter what happened with school. The thing he had left was the band and that was gonna be his ticket out. This was the year he was gonna try to get them onto the warped tour setlist. Fuck school and a diploma, it wouldnt mean shit compared to a platinum record and touring around the world.

Still he tried to do some justice by her, showing up to his classes. Not really doing shit but not causing a stir either. Julie was happy to see him sort of going back to his old self. She tried to figure out what happened and why he'd been awol for the last couple weeks. He brushed her off, and while she didn't wanna admit it, it hurt like hell to have him treat her like that.

Jeff had noticed how his friend had been off with her and at one the band practices he did his best to let her know that she was probably the only girl he actually cared about. Still it didn't feel like it sometimes, and either way they were just friends. As she watched them practice she realized it was probably time to drop whatever she thought was happening.

That weekend she didn't even text him where she was going to be at. They had started going to backyard shows together, usually it was where they'd be if she wasn't feeling up to partying. He started wondering where the hell she was tonight, her calls were going to voicemail and she wasnt replying to her messages. By nine he had messaged everyone he knew about where the parties were at this week, but the only party was at some abandoned house in the woods.

Liquor and weed is a hell of a good way to forget whatever makes you feel like shit. That was something Julie had learned her freshman year of high school, even before Eddie was in the picture, she felt like she was fucking everything up. Her parents had no problem verbally and emotionally abusing her, telling her what she could do better or how they had gave up their dreams for her. None of that shit mattered here, the music was blasting her eardrums and jungle juice was being poured to her by people she never hung out with in school.

It took Eddie a while to find her in-between all the people she was around. Her friend was the first person to notice him, she tried to get Julie's attention, when she eventually did, she pointed at him. Julie turned to look at him waving at her. She just nodded acknowledging him, but not really caring. Maybe he had that coming for how he had been with her lately but it still hurt like hell.

He knew it looked weird to follow her around, but he did it anyways. He didn't want any weirdo near her, usually she was with his friends or nearby him at parties so it wasn't that big of a deal. Eventually she pulled him aside to an empty-ish spot, her head jumbled by everything she'd consumed, she tried her best to sound somewhat sober, "dude I don't know why you're following me. Go have fun like everyone else." Julie had resigned herself to whatever was going to come from this.

Eddie looked at her confused the music was too loud, his head tilting down and his right hand gently gripping her upper arm, "I don't know anyone here. I came because I wanted to talk to you, you havent answered any of my texts or calls." He pulled away, her gaze following his, frustration and every other emotion building up, "is there anything to really be said? I mean you've brushed me off all week. Like cool I know that life is shit but you don't have to be a dick." She shrugged, "listen I just wanna have a good night tonight, I'm not arguing with you here." He shook his head, his voice defeated as he spoke to her, "I don't wanna argue either. I know I've been a dick lately, I'm sorry. Julie you're the coolest fuckin person ever, please I don't want you to be mad at me. I'll do anything! I'll fuckin get on my knees and beg." To which he actually did, this making her laugh and forcing him to get up off the dirt beneath them.

She hated how she couldn't be mad at him. How quickly she made up with him, but Eddie was just someone she couldn't deny. He spent the rest of the night dancing with her and following her around. The night didn't end as planned, Julie had gone to go get her friend away from some guy who was overdoing it, to which he tried to yell at her about cock blocking. Eddie threw one punch and the guy was out, but it caused enough of a scene for them to leave the party early. Julie knew he meant well so she didn't really hold the situation against him and even her friend had thanked him.

-

What neither of them expected was that he would run into the guy at school the following week. He was mostly just shit talking Eddie and his friends, which they were all used to, but by Thursday it had gotten ridiculous. At lunch time Eddie had become fed up of the guy, it was the same insults and shit talk about how it wasn't even a fair fight because he was drunk. The guy followed them to their table in the back of the cafeteria and kept at his bullshit, so biting the bullet Eddie finally told him to "stop barking like a bitch and accept the fact he got knocked out" to which the guy threw his backpack at him. Both her friend and one of Eddie's stopped her from getting in the middle of it as soon as it had started.

Eddie didn't wanna have problems with anyone but this guy had pushed all the buttons. First there was the incident at the party and now he had gone too far, he let the dickhead throw the first swing, which he missed and then swung back. The punches kept going back and forth just trying to get a hit in where ever either of the two could land. He wasn't sure when it happened during the fight, but this guy had thrown his skateboard off him. He'd been carrying it between the straps of his backpack for most of the day before the guy knocked off him.

It happened in less than minute but the action felt like slow-mo. She saw Eddie grab his board and swing it at the guy's face, like that scene in Wanted. The board broke and all that anyone heard was the crack of the wood. People scattered, her friend and Eddie's tried to get her to scatter, but she couldn't or wouldn't, Julie was frozen in her seat at the table. Both the principal and some teachers had showed up, someone called for an ambulance and she was taken to the office as a witness of the fight.

-

The yelling could be heard from the nearly quiet front office, everyone was trying to find out what happened. Staff even tried asking Julie, who still chose not to say anything. She knew Eddie could have a temper but she'd never seen it like that before. He might have done it now, but she was hoping for the best. Eddie and his uncle had been in there for a while with the principal.

She was waiting on her mom to get there. It irritated her that they had called for their parents. Mostly because she knew her mom would hold this situation against her, use it as more ammo against her social life and reason to have her sent to a private school. When her mom finally showed up and sat behind her she started her rambling, "you know Wayne was the better half of him and his brother. Poor man, he should have left that brat to the system." Julie was sure she hated her mother by that point.

After nonstop claim after claim that Hawkins was heading down the drain, it came to halt as the door to the principal's office opened and out came the Munson men looking slightly defeated and annoyed. The principal then called for Julie to come in, her mother giving Eddie's uncle a small hello before entering the office. It didn't take long to figure out that whatever she said was going to royally fuck things up for Eddie if she didn't word it right.

Ultimately she ended up calling the situation self defense even if it did go too far, that she blamed on teenage boys being hormonal and dumb. Her mother wasn't buying it, she kept repeating to her to be honest, which Julie had to assure the principal she actually was being as honest to the situation as she could be. When it was over with Eddie and his uncle got called back in. By then Julie and her mom had left, and he was given a week's suspension, told that he got lucky he was still seventeen (by some months) and that he needed to get himself straightened out.

As Eddie and his uncle left the school premises, they walked out to a shouting match between Julie and her mom. He heard as Julie argued that she wasn't defending him so much as that's just how things really happened. He knew her mom like the rest of the town mostly hated him, but this was as close as he figured she could get to looking out for him. What he didn't expect was to see her mom smack her, before he could even react Wayne had already gone over there.

The two adults were having it out like they knew each other, which maybe in a past life they did. Julie ended up going to talk to Eddie while they spoke, "sorry you had to see that." He shook his head, "are you okay? What the fuck is wrong with her?" She shrugged, "so much for pretending to be a caring mother." He wanted to hold her then and there but he had to stop himself knowing it'd probably get her in more trouble. Eventually the conversation ended and Julie left with her mom still yelling at her. Wayne told Eddie that some people never change.

-

That weekend she didn't go out, she got grounded, her parents took her phone, but left her laptop so she could do homework. Again she was thankful they had no clue how the internet worked. She ended up messaging him on myspace for the rest of the night on Friday and learning that his band had a gig on Saturday. Julie didn't know it, but the way she had vouched for him had taken on a bigger effect on Eddie than what she could have imagined.

He spent that weekend dedicating the band's sets to her, one of his friends recording the videos for their youtube page while she was locked away in her room. Eddie knew he was fucked, he was falling head over heels for a girl he'd only met last year, but it didn't matter, in his mind, he'd known her a whole fucking life time. Even his friends hyped her up for the way she defended him and didn't leave the scene. His uncle felt bad for her, he said he'd known her mom when she their age and she'd really taken a turn. However, his uncle felt that what Julie had done meant a hell of alot more than what most would have done considering it was Eddie. That was all the reassurance he needed to have to know that she was the one.

At the same time as he was coming to realize this, the band was looking for a way in and while he was sure he could multitask, his focus had always been getting out of Hawkins. Now he had to account for an extra stowaway, which he didn't have a problem with at all.

[once-upon-a-pirate-ship]

totally dumb and completely ridiculous (or: words to describe falling in love)

read my newest fic on AO3 here!

or, below the cut

summary: Emma Swan doesn't do love. She doesn't do romance, she doesn't do dates--none of it. Even if there's a charming professor hanging around who's tempting her to break her own rules.

just under 2k words

rated t for language

you can read my other fics on AO3 here!

taglist friends: I'm sorry again, I'll get the list and I'll fix it, I swear.

Emma Swan didn’t do love.

She didn’t do relationships or even dates and especially not ones with flowers and pink dresses and reservations and walks after dinner in the breeze that lifted off the water. She wasn’t the sentimental type, she wasn’t the type to sit by the phone, waiting for a ring or a buzz with a message from some guy. 

Maybe this stemmed from her independent-to-a-fault personality, maybe it came from one too many dates gone bad—or maybe she just wasn’t cut out for that kind of thing.

Love.

The thought of it made her stomach spin. That was something she hated about butterflies, too—how could you tell if your gut was screaming at you to run if there were stupid bugs flying around clogging up the alarm?

She’d spent years clipping their wings so they couldn’t make her fly. She didn’t want to fly. Flying meant leaving the ground, it meant letting your feet do something other than stay firmly planted in reality and reason. Flying meant feeling. 

So, naturally, the second she met Belle’s colleague—he was a professor, for fuck’s sake—and those butterflies started planning out aerial formations, she brought out her metaphorical scissors. 

Three weeks later, she created The List. Sketched out on a back page in her notebook:

Reasons Why I’m Not Romantically Available

     1. My schedule is chaos. 

Finishing her degree online was good in theory, but that theory failed to take into account that she still had to work and make money and also somehow maybe find time to sleep in between all of that.

     2. Money.

She didn’t exactly have the disposable income to spend on fancy date outfits or meals out. Plus, grilled cheese was one of her main food groups, and that wasn’t suitable Date Food.

     3. I don’t even like the guy. 

He was too charming, absolutely not sincere, totally a player. No matter what Belle had said. 

     4. He definitely doesn’t like me, so it’s not even worth making a list over. 

He refused to even say her first name—not exactly a sign of affection, right?

She frowned at the list, the one she’d written out instead of taking notes for her upcoming quiz. Four was barely a list. 

She huffed, pushing the notebook away from her and letting the pen clatter over it, a small line of ink marring the last point from the way she’d thrown it. This was so dumb, and she knew it. It was nothing, really. There was…nothing. 

This must’ve been a sign that she’d been hanging around David and Mary Margaret too much. She was reading into things. Trying to find romance where there wasn’t any. Even though she didn’t, as a rule, do romance. 

She took a fortifying swig of her hot cocoa, dragging her notebook back and turning it to a clean sheet, determined to do the thing she was actually supposed to be doing. She was so close to finishing, and she wasn’t going to let some guy distract her from it. 

—

Her last final taunted her. Her homemade study guide was its accomplice, and every single time she tried to read, it made her brain flutter around without a care in the world and without consideration for her final grade. 

She couldn’t afford to make a mistake now. She was practically there, her fingers twitched with the thought of holding the tangible evidence of her success, a diploma in all its glory after so many years. She was so goddamn close. 

But she hadn’t been able to focus for like a whole month. And her chest ached from trying to latch a tether onto it—she was so sick of that unsettled feeling, that wandering, that dread mingling with sick curiosity—none of it made sense.

It didn’t make sense that her hands trembled against her keyboard, like she was terrified of the words she wouldn’t write. It didn’t make sense that her jaw kept itself locked into a place she’d never gone, tension snapping her into bits and pieces. 

Her frustration with herself bubbled up at inconvenient times, it mocked her for a poorly written sentence, it buried a knife in her gut when she missed a question on a practice quiz. She’d been pushing herself for years, doing her best and practicing to do better and she’d always been able to let some part of her believe that she could do this, but now, at the end, when it really mattered? 

She was three steps from the top of this goddamn mountain, and her shoes were untied. 

In this analogy, she was clumsier. 

She couldn’t track it. She couldn’t break it into bite-sized fragments of logic that she could comprehend. She’d just been feeling like this with everything, all the time, since—

Fuck.

There wasn’t a glow of a lightbulb over her head, but there was a fairly satisfying click in her brain when she finally figured it out. 

It wasn’t her fault. 

The relief she felt from that thought was powerful, but it wasn’t more powerful than the irritation at the person whose fault it was. 

She didn’t care that it wasn’t fair to blame him, she was just glad that she didn’t have to blame herself anymore. And maybe it was the easy way out of this emotional circle of hell, but she had to do what she had to do. 

She grabbed her keys. 

She must’ve looked ridiculous, plodding to her car in slippers and sweats and what was quite possibly the oldest t-shirt she owned, but once again, she didn’t care. 

She didn’t care that in the six times she’d seen him she’d cataloged enough information to know exactly what street to turn on—it should’ve pissed her off that she remembered that it was Tuesday and he had a class after six every Tuesday and then he went to his office and did the grading he refused to pass off to his TA, because my students are here for an education from me, Swan, and they don’t deserve feedback from some ponce who has yet to learn how to read a clock. 

It was ridiculous, it was all so ridiculous, and she muttered that under her breath all the way there, her fingers thudding uneasily against the wheel. 

Three dinners at her friends’ houses, two coffees with Belle that turned into two coffees with more than just Belle, and one birthday party for Ruby at their local bar—she’d ignored the hardly subtle comments from not one but three of her friends, she’d ignored the suggestive glances they’d given her, she’d ignored the nagging in her gut that wanted to tell her things about him.

She’d sat beside Belle, across from him, and she’d tried so hard not to listen to the voice telling her that he understood. Just because he met her gaze when she’d fallen silent after a particular comment from Mary Margaret about the concept of home didn’t mean that he knew what it was like to grow up without one. And at coffee that first time, just because he’d supplied Belle with the perfect conversation to distract from her unanswered question did not mean that he recognized her need to evade the subject until she was ready to deal with it. And just because he—

It was so fucking dumb. 

It was dumb that she felt her heart twist right there in her chest when she saw his name on the directory, telling her to go up the stairs and down the hall.

It was especially dumb that she hesitated at his door, because she’d come all this way, and she wasn’t a coward, and all she really knew was that she absolutely had to do well on this last final and—

Well, that wasn’t the only thing she knew.

He was wearing his glasses when he opened the door, his hair ruffled as if he’d had his hand through it one too many times while grading. His pen was still in his hand.

“Swan,” he greeted, happier to see her than he should’ve been. Or maybe he just should’ve seemed more confused. His brow furrowed when his eyes trailed down to her slippers. 

Irritation bubbled within her to hide the embarrassment. “We need to talk.”

His lips quirked into that half-smirk. “I find that when a woman says that—”

She rolled her eyes, pushing past him into his office.

“By all means, come in.”

And then she was just standing there in front of him, in that stupid t-shirt that she should’ve thrown out at least four years ago, and he was there, waiting expectantly. Because she’d come all this way to interrupt him.

“What can I do for you, love?”

Her hands itched at her sides; she tugged them into fists. “This is all your fault,” she snapped. It wasn’t exactly what she’d planned to say, but she’d said it.

Killian took half a step back, his eyebrows shooting up. “My fault?”

“Yes!” she cried. “I have things to do, Jones. Important things. Finals I need to finish—you are familiar with the concept, aren’t you?”

“Aye,” he replied, partially amused, partially concerned. 

“I have goals. A checklist. Things I’m gonna do—things I have to do. And I can’t afford to waste a whole night of studying all because I—” She snapped her mouth shut, her chest heaving slightly from the exertion of anger. 

“Because you…what?”

Her jaw went rigid. “You.”

“Me?”

She practically growled, “Yes, you.” She crossed to him, an accusing finger landing on his chest. “You. I can’t get you out of my fucking head and that’s so unacceptable. I have goals, Killian Jones. No one is going to stop me from achieving those goals, not even you.”

He blinked a few times, confusion and slight indignation dissolving into wonder as he stared at her. “You…?”

She grit her teeth, withdrawing from him to relocate closer to the door where she could think better. His proximity made the butterfly army into a butterfly armada. 

“Swan,” he murmured.

Her gaze fixed on her stupid slippers. “This is ridiculous,” she huffed. She hated this. She hated feeling things. She hated that she wanted to feel things. 

“Swan,” he repeated, closer this time, and her head snapped up, her gaze locking with his. The sea churned in his blue eyes, even behind the frames of his glasses, and she was so fucking adrift. An absolute goner. 

“You’ve been in my thoughts as well—though I have no desire to banish you from them,” he said, his voice warm and tender. “I quite enjoy your company, Swan, and when I’m not fortunate enough to have you around, thoughts and memories ease a bit of that…pain.”

“Pain?” she echoed, her eyes frantically searching his for evidence of a lie she knew she wouldn’t find.

“I miss you, Emma. I’m not entirely certain that I’m allowed the privilege of missing you, but I’m afraid I can’t help it at this point.”

She swallowed, trying to find her feet just to know she was grounded. “I…”

He took her silence as a reply, stepping back and away from her. And that was the moment she felt like her feet lost hold of the ground. 

“Wait, Killian—” She caught his arm, tugging him back or meeting him somewhere in the middle, she wasn’t quite sure which. 

“Emma?”

He glanced down to see his hand now entwined with hers, and her heart roared at the sight of the pink that tinged his cheeks. And she’d been wrong. It wasn’t quite flying. It was landing. It was coming home. 

At least, that was what it felt like when their lips met. 

[saturdaysickness]

11.13.24

you guys....

i am regressing...

or so it feels like it.

once in a while, i do this thing where i like to dig into my teenage experiences to feel some kind of nostalgia. and tonight happened to have led me back to one of my old tumblr blog to watch videos i had posted of when i attended a twenty one pilots show in 2014 (btw i got FIFTY notes on one of the video.... talk about being famous). anyways, it somehow led me back to this blog, which then led me to reading my previous entry that i had written just a few months before receiving my college diploma.

now we are a little over a month until the end of 2024, my college diploma is stuffed inside a drawer along with anti-motion sickness glasses and expired checkbooks. sometimes when I'm feeling down, i pull the diploma out and stare at it to give me the motivation to send in the 10th job application for this month.

let me lay it out straight: i fucking hate my life right now!!!!!

opening the google drive folder that i have designated for different cover letter versions makes me ill. most days i rot in bed and the motivation to apply to jobs that i once had in september has died since rejection emails rolled in. I've been hopeful of phone calls for months and every unsaved number has been spam calls. i got laid off from one of my position at work recently because we ran out of funding so now i actually feel like the most useless piece of shit ever with my subpar part-time paycheck.

WHY DOES NO ONE WANT ME, I HAVE A DEGREE.

i've been told all my life a degree is all it takes!!!!!!

okay guys i'm not naive, obviously i been knew a degree isn't all it takes, that's why i picked the most useless fucking degree ever! they were not lying when they said it's tough out there in the job seeking world - i didn't know that it has also affected my field.

my needs are simple, i'm not asking for much. I'm literally playing within the boundaries of the American dream - a decent-paying job, a 401k, health insurance, a home, a car, a pet - please, like, that's all i want, I'm not even asking for much, guys. like, i don't even want the white picket fence, so my needs are pretty humble!

2024 be like: Getting A Job With Years Of Experience Under Your Belt Challenge (IMPOSSIBLE!!!)

so most days i just hate my fucking life, do useless vain shit, mope, and wish that lightning could just strike me down. i literally have no purpose right now and the last time i felt this directionless was after graduating high school - but at least i knew i had to go to college, now i don't know where to go.

maybe i should go back to school so at least i have a purpose lol. directionless mfs be like: I'm going to grad school! just kidding, I'm not going into debt (yet) just because i don't have my shit figured out - although my parents are subliminal messaging me that they want me to go to grad school.... i think i might want to kill myself.

MANIFESTING A NEW JOB WITH GOOD PAY, GOOD COMPANY 401K MATCH, AND THAT I FINALLY GET TO EXPERIENCE LIVING INDEPENDENTLY IN THE YEAR 2025

OR I WILL KMS

bye guys, have a good day, see you all in my next entry, hopefully my life outlook will be better then.

-s

[irene-dimension]

ok well just let me type this out to get it out of my head. senior year was seriously ass. and now thats its over..; im in this weird in between right now of classes having ended but so much senior stuff is still coming up. and i feel like a complete and utter failure. not academically. academically, i got my aice diploma junior year, went to college full time as a hs senior, got into my dream school and the top school in florida, and had straight A's every year. yeah, it sounds good all typed out, but i cant help but feel that the struggle for all that was worthless. because somehow, i still failed. i hardly have any real friends. many of my friendships crumbled this year. i have severe social anxiety. i feel like everyone else in my class is so social and has such strong bonds with so many people, and i dont have that. i dont know how to interact normally. making friends is simply a skill i never really developed. and a lot of the blame for that falls on how i was raised. i went to a tiny private catholic school for 11 years. the same 30 people in my grade (15 per class as we were divided into two, because 30 was considered a large class) for ELEVEN YEARS. it truly does something to the psyche. and only a handful of my peers werent assholes. then, i started hs during covid. it was frustrating in terms of making friends, because there was such a heavy expectation to branch out and do that, but we also weren't really supposed to be near each other? and going from a school with maybe 230 people to one with 1,500 was not an easy transition. i didnt know how to really socialize! and i feel like ive never been able to change the effect all that had on me. then being labeled "quiet" and "shy" makes you never wanna open your mouth ever again. i was in three clubs, and it made no difference. seeing everyone else with their large friend groups makes me feel so insecure and shitty. and fucking THEATER KIDS should not be making ME feel insecure like what the actual fuck?? anyways. i feel like ive cried more in this in between time than all year, and i wasnt particularly doing well all year either. it just sucks. im so so sad over the what ifs. i have to grieve the person i couldve been and the life i couldve had. its not fucking fair. on top of that, the school im going to is the one my parents, grandparents, and many of my other family members went to. my older sister didnt get in, when they really wanted her to go. i worked so hard to get in because i had some stupid notion that i could "win" and finally they could love me as much as they love her. yet, they dont even seem happy about it. they act like they dont care at all. like everything they have to do regarding college stuff is just a burden to them. like, great. i wasted my whole life,, i couldn't make friends, i couldn't make my parents like me, nor the rest of my family. everyone just views me as some shy loser freak.

at least i didnt peak in high school, right?

[nyxopenjournal]

Life seems very unmanageable when you have no idea what you want or are supposed to do with yourself anymore. I feel like I already did all the things you're "supposed" to do. I went to school. I got the grades. I got my diploma and my degree. I've had a job in my field & experienced that by the time I was 22. Well what the fuck am I supposed to do now? I don't have a purpose. I don't understand what anything is or who I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to do now. And I have no idea how to figure that out. If it were up to me I'd park my car somewhere and sit there until I rot. Or run it into some deep body of water. Or crash it into a building. I want to. Everyday I consider it. It wouldn't be hard. Because honestly what's even the point of me being alive? I don't have a reason to live or wake up. Nobody fucking cares if I'm around or breathing. I'm extremely replaceable. It doesn't matter. I wish it weren't that way. I wish I mattered. I wish I had a place somewhere and meant something to anyone and could find my person and live happily with them. But it's just not realistic for me. It's just not in the cards. I'm not worth that. I've been thinking about "bc you have a piss poor self view" since it was said to me lol. It's true. I fucking hate myself. Bc I'm worthless. There was a time where I actually did like myself and who I was as a person. It seems so far away now and it seems impossible to feel that again. I don't know what I did to get there. I don't know how to get it back. This is so frustrating. Feeling like this everyday. If I could just die in my sleep I think it'd do more good than harm. There wouldn't even need to be a funeral because I'm not important enough for anyone to pretend they'd miss me. I wish I wasn't such a coward. I'd have been gone in 3rd grade and wouldn't have had to experience any of this. I would've been gone instead of being such a burden on anyone I come in contact with. I wish I was dead. It seems so peaceful. Today has been a shit day I woke up feeling like a piece of shit. But that's what I am. It should be normal. I always think I'm starting to be okay until I don't have a distraction in front of me. Going days without work makes me remember what a fucking useless garbage nothing I am. At least then I have a few hours to distract myself from the thinking and then by the time it hits it's too late because I'm too tired to let them simmer much. But then there's the weekend and I remember that I have nothing. And no one wants to be around me and I'm just stumbling around because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing or what I want to do. I want to give up so bad. I don't know what keeps me here. I think it's fear of the unknown more than anything because everything I've come to know here just hurts. I really do want to die. I just can't bring myself to do it myself. Not yet at least. Maybe one day. I hope. I can finally stop wasting space. I didn't mean to cause so much damage to anyone's life. I leave a mess wherever I go. I'm always the problem. Even my own family believes it and left me. Why would anyone else stay. It makes sense that they leave and find others better than me. There's always going to be someone better than me. I'm not a good person. I don't deserve good things. That's the only thing that makes sense. I don't really know what I did to cause this existence on myself but it had to be awful for me to be suffering this much. I can't do anything right. Please just take me out so everyone can get on with their lives. It's for the best. No one needs me. And I have to be okay with that. I just wish I had one thing to grasp on that was a glimmer of something worth living for. But this tunnel has no light at the end. It's just running blindly in the darkness until I eventually hit a brick wall and die. There's no way out of this. I don't have any worth. Good for nothing piece of shit waste of space. That's all I am. And no one should have to put up with that. It's fair they leave. Find someone worthy of their time and effort. I'm not worth it. I get it.