#but if i get a diploma... maybe i could go. fuck. maybe i could actually go. what the fuck.

[mbat]

oh i havent listened to next semester since before i turned 21 this is doing things to me. hearing him say 'start fresh with a new year' is getting to me.

i dropped out of highschool when i was 14 because i was suicidal and in a really toxic situation that would (unbeknownst to me at the time) leave me with trauma that im still sorting through to this day, and it was a choice i made that no one in my life understood or liked, especially my parents. i know why i did it, but i never got over that choice. its such a... shamed choice.

i mean, theres a stigma to it i feel like, not that i need to get into that, but also finishing school is encouraged because jobs want you to at least have a diploma i guess, but also so you can get into college and whatever

and while im not even sure i have a chance at going to college, and getting a job sounds like itll make me miserable all over again, i still want to finish school. even if i dont even pursue either of those things, i still want to finish school.

not to mention, maybe ill make friends there. my traumatizing situation left me isolating myself, i have no real life friends, especially not any of the people i used to know in school. and i didnt even get to go through any of the experiences people always talk about having in highschool, though lets be real thats probably for the best lol. i hope if i get to finish school, that ill make friends.

before i get to my point, this song also hits me because it sounds so much like trauma, i dont know how to explain it in a brief way like im doing here, but the way it feels like trauma resonates with me, and its connection to school and starting fresh next year just all around resonates with me. it felt like exactly what i needed and when i needed it.

but my point is... where i am, and in a few other places, goodwill has a program where people who didnt finish highschool can sign up for that program, and get a diploma when they finish. not a GED, or even a HSE, a diploma. but you have to be 21 to sign up for it... and i just turned 21 twelve days ago as of writing this.

and im just thinking... i can fix my mistakes. i can just go back and finish what i stopped years ago. its felt so much like all my mistakes were unfixable, something i couldnt change or help, and that id be stuck with the consequences forever, frozen in place for the rest of my life based on things i did when i was a child.

but im not. if i get accepted to this program... i can fix it. i can finally get my life back on track after 7 whole years of nothing happening in my fucking life. ive spent my entire teenage years and even into my 20s rotting away, thinking my life was over... but it doesnt have to be. it really doesnt have to be.

i kept feeling like me turning 21 was whatever, just an excuse for my family to finally take me drinking and gambling even though i dont like doing those... but its actually the best thing that could happen for me. finally, i get to continue living my life. i can finally try to go back to being a person after years of not being one.

i dont even know how to make it sound as important as it is to me. words really cant capture how much this is so fucking important to me. i get to start fresh. i cant change what ive done, but i can start fresh. im so happy.

[mercutiodidntdieforthis]

idk what to do anymore

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

An exclusive deal

Written for @astrangersummer, week 12

Prompt: not-date

Rated: M

Words: 1,778 (also on AO3)

Relationship: Steve/Eddie

Tags: No UD AU; Future fic; Record label owner Eddie; Waiter Steve; Sex work; Attempted non-con (mentioned); Protective Eddie; Possessive Eddie

Notes: Previous part | Part 1

Eddie has been fantasizing about Steve Harrington for as long as he can remember. 

There was nothing tender to it in the beginning. Eddie was well aware of high school hierarchies and the unspoken laws of small town life. He was a freak who listened to the wrong kind of music, who lived on the shady end of town and sold drugs from his run-down van. He’d never amount to much in life. 

Steve on the other hand? Perfect, pretty King Steve with his rich parents, the big house, a different girl on each arm every weekend? That boy was destined to go far, everyone in Hawkins knew that much. 

Eddie was not an idiot. He knew that there were worlds between the two of them. There was no way in hell Steve would ever be his. And so he contented himself with imagining how that soft, smooth skin would feel under his hands, how those lips would taste as he sucked and bit at them while Steve moaned into his mouth. How the muscles of those perfect thighs would shake, wrapped around his waist or slung over his shoulders as he slowly reduced the King to a whining, sobbing mess.  

Eddie booked it out of Hawkins the second he finally had his diploma in hand. He never once looked back. He still thought about Steve, occasionally. 

It was only after they met again, years and miles away from that wretched place and with their positions in life all but flipped that Eddie's fantasies took a different turn. 

Suddenly, Steve wasn't just an unattainable pretty face floating past in the hallways, but an actual, real person. Still floating, mind you, now on roller skates while waiting tables, but a person no less. A person with a past he refused to discuss. A person with a stubborn streak for miles and a beautiful, snarky sense of humor, and a soft, vulnerable side he was desperate to protect. 

And suddenly, without warning, Eddie’s feelings shifted. Suddenly, he found himself preening at each glimpse of that smile, found his chest growing warm and tingly every time Steve accepted his tip money or leftover food.

Suddenly, the very thing that had always been a distant daydream seemed possible, and suddenly, he found himself craving it with a burning urgency that startled even himself. 

He wanted Steve to be his. 

And now, Steve is here in his apartment, shifting on the sofa so that he can lean further into Eddie’s space.

It's everything Eddie has been thinking about for weeks. Having Steve here, in his living room, close enough to feel his body heat, close enough to touch.

Except this is not a date. 

“Ow, fuck,” he hisses as Steve touches a piece of alcohol-drenched gauze to his split lip. “That hurts!” 

Steve scowls at him. 

“It wouldn't hurt so much if you could stop fidgeting for five seconds” he scolds, but his touch goes more gentle. “We need to clean this before it gets infected.” 

“Well,” Eddie says, “Maybe I’d stop fidgeting if you were more careful.” 

Steve rolls his eyes, putting two fingers to Eddie’s chin so that he can keep his head in place. “Stop being such a crybaby. I swear to God, I've babysat four-year-olds less whiny than you.” 

“Yeah, well,” Eddie snarks. “I doubt the four-year-olds ever had their heads bashed in trying to protect you from some sleazy, wannabe rapist in a dark side alley, so there.”

Steve freezes. 

“Shit,” Eddie says, fighting against the rapidly rising urge to punch himself again. He's probably mildly concussed already, God knows he can do without extra hits. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-”

“It's okay,” Steve says, but his expression has become guarded and distant again. Before Eddie can stop him, he stands, snatching the first aid kit from its place by their feet and carrying it over to the side table standing a small way off. A tense silence settles over the room while he turns his back, pretending to organize the contents, and Eddie wrecks his brain for something to say to lift the mood.

“Who was that douchebag, anyhow?” is what his mouth settles on. Steve's shoulders go rigid, and scratch that, Eddie clearly hasn't been punched enough yet. 

“Dunno,” Steve mutters, just as Eddie is considering whether to bash his stupid fucking head against the sofa table or the nearest wall. “I don't ask their names, usually.” 

Eddie can practically feel how the remaining color drains from his face. 

“Wait, whoa,” he blurts. “Hold on a second. Their names? As in plural? What the hell, Steve?” 

“Oh, for fuck's sake.” Steve slams the first aid kit shut so hard the plastic cracks, and whirls around. “Don't act so shocked. You think I'm getting by on waiting tables alone? Please! We're both grown-ass adults, don't make me spell it out for you.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Eddie screeches. His hands are shaking, he can hear his own blood in his ears, and apparently, he's gotten off the sofa at some point, because he's on his feet and Steve takes a step back as he advances on him, bumping his ass against the table. “What are you even- … You can't do that.” 

Steve's eyes go hard. 

“Why not?” he asks, and the aloof tone and stubborn jut to his chin remind Eddie painfully of the first time they met again at the diner. “What's it to you?” 

Everything, Eddie wants to say. It's fucking everything to him, because Steve is everything, and the idea of Steve with anyone else makes his blood boil and his stomach twist.  

“I just…” he stutters instead. “I don't- … I don't get it. Money's a little tight, so you thought it would be a good idea to fuck strangers in an alleyway?” 

Steve flushes and sputters. It would be adorable, under any other circumstances, if Eddie could feel anything but helpless rage right now. 

“I don't fuck them,” he says. “I just …” 

He trails off, blush darkening by about five shades. His eyes stay glued to one of the framed band posters on Eddie’s wall as he forms a loose circle with his thumb and fingers. He does a vague, jerky up-and-down motion, once, before he lets his hand flop to his side. 

“Sometimes I suck ‘em off, but only if they're nice and pay extra.” 

Eddie stares at him. Maybe, if the situation was any different, he'd find it funny how Steve can't bring himself to say the word handjob, but will casually talk about sucking someone off for a bit of extra money, but right now, all he wants to do is scream. The thought of Steve on his knees in that dark, stinking side alley, of that pretty, pink mouth opening for some other guy's cock, fills his mind with dark needlepoints of red. 

“Are you fucking serious?” His hands have found his hair, pulling on a fistful of curls until his scalp stings. “That's- … Shit, that's dangerous, Steve. Do you have any idea what-” 

“Oh, wow!” Steve throws up his hands and laughs, but there's no joy in it. “It's dangerous? Really? Well, thank you for telling me. What would I ever do without you?” 

“Well excuse the fuck out of me,” Eddie snaps, and his voice rises dangerously. “Like what, I'm not allowed to worry about you?” 

“No, you're not!” 

The words bounce unpleasantly off the walls of the living room. They feel like a punch to the gut, and without his conscious doing, Eddie finds himself stumbling a step backwards. Steve takes in the shock on his face and huffs. 

“You're not,” he repeats, more calmly this time, and somehow it's even worse the second time around. “You don't get to- … fuck, Eddie, I dunno what you think this is, but we're not- … You're a customer. I serve you food, you pay me. You tip well, so I'm nice to you, but that's- … We are not friends. You don't get to worry about me, and you most definitely do not get to tell me what to do or not to do with my body, okay?” 

Silence settles between them. Somewhere outside, the sound of sirens slices through the night. 

“Okay,” Eddie says. “I'm- … okay.” 

Steve nods. His breath is coming in ragged little puffs. 

“Okay,” he repeats. “Good. Thanks for helping me out.” 

Panic clawing at his chest, Eddie watches how he turns, picking up the bag with his roller skates from the floor. He wants to shout out, wants to tell Steve not to leave, wants to lunge and hold him back and never let him go again. 

But he can’t. This is not a date. They’re not friends. Steve isn’t his, and he can't tell him what to do, can't protect him, can't do anything but pay him for his service and hope that-

“Wait.”

The word is out before the thought fully settles. Steve turns on the threshold of the living room, eyes weary and tired. 

“What?” 

Eddie doesn't allow himself time to pause. If he did, he'd think about what a horrible idea this is, and he doesn't have time to second-guess himself now.

“How much do you make with that little side hustle of yours?” 

Steve shrugs. 

“Depends? I have a couple of regulars, but-” He cuts himself off and Eddie can see how he reels himself back in, how his shoulders go rigid and his expression closes off. “Why should I tell you?” 

“Because I'll double it.” Eddie means to sound bold and confident, but he nearly barrels over himself in his haste to get the words out, and his voice cracks pathetically on the last syllables. A disbelieving little smile twitches over Steve’s face.

“You'll what?” 

“Double it,” Eddie repeats, more firmly this time. He finally finds the use of his feet again, bridging the distance between them with a few quick steps. Steve’s smile drops. “No, screw this, I'll triple it. You want me as a customer, I'll be your goddamn customer. On one condition.” 

Steve's shoulders bump against the doorframe as Eddie steps into his space. For a second or two, Eddie thinks he's going to bolt - run right out the front door and into the darkness, maybe disappear from Eddie’s life forever. But he stays. Stays close enough for Eddie to see how his breath hitches in his throat. Close enough for Eddie to see the temptation in those gold-flecked eyes. 

He knows he has won before he even says it, and it fills him with a grim, possessive satisfaction. He's probably a horrible person for it. 

“I want this to be an exclusive deal.” 

To be continued ...

Tag list: @p0lybl4nkk @fairytalesreality @colidamae @dissociatingdemon @steddhie

@formosusiniquis @steddiehasmywholeheart @ellaelsinore @rozzieroos

[octuscle]

I went to my high school reunion and was reminded of how so many of these guys were the big cocky jocks. I wish I could go back and be a huge cocky teenage jock like they were.

It's 11:00 a.m. and the principle of your former high school is giving an incredibly boring speech on the occasion of the farewell ceremony for the current graduating class. And to the alumni who are celebrating the tenth anniversary of their graduation this year. So here's to you and your former classmates.

You let your gaze wander through the auditorium. Some of your classmates are still as hot as they were ten years ago. Others have let themselves go a little. Unfortunately, you are one of them. Yes, your expensive suit hides a lot. But you can't deny that you are even fatter and untrained than you were ten years ago.

Fuck, now this year's seniors are coming on stage to collect their diplomas. Did they spend all of high school in the gym. Your cock produces precum in greater quantity as you watch the studs pass by on stage. What would you give to get your diploma again.

After an hour, the ceremony is over. There is a reception for the graduates and the jubilarians. Actually, you shouldn't be here. It's only been nine years since you graduated. But there must have been a mistake with the invitations. And hey, some of the guys who had left high school a year before you were really hot, with some of them you had a flirt or a one night stand or two. Fortunately, no one asks you why you are here today. Basically, every alumni is allowed to come to the ceremony. And at least you receive a few compliments. Hehehe, the last year at the gym seems to be paying off. But it's about time, you weren't exactly sporty for long enough.

After an hour it starts to get boring. You haven't been to your hometown for ages. You drive to the mall and stroll through the shops. You were actually unsure whether you should go to the prom tonight. But somehow you would like to. Finally an occasion to buy a dinner jacket. Most of the shops look too expensive for you. Or nothing fits you. But it's 4 p.m. when you stand in front of the mirror of a plus-size men's clothing store. You've been lifting iron for five years. Every free minute. And it shows. And that makes buying suits really difficult. But you look fantastic in that dinner jacket. And luckily it's reasonably cheap. You're just out of college, so your money's not that loose yet. But now just one more coffee and then back home. You promised your parents to have dinner with them before you go to the ball.

Your parents are happy when you ring the doorbell at 6 pm. After the summer, you start your senior year at college. Your mother is already complaining that she won't see you again. And why you still don't have a boyfriend. And whether you would like to adopt children. After all, they want to have grandchildren. You smile and praise her cooking.

Around 20:00, dinner is over. Your father retires to the television with a cigar. Your mother tidies up the kitchen. And you go into the garage to the gym of your father and yourself. Before you go out today, you want to pump up your muscles. Some of your mates want to go to your high school prom later. You are glad that you finally closed this chapter a year ago. For the right training effect, you give yourself another shot. Since you started using anabolic steroids. you've become a beast.

22:00 hrs. Good workout. The guys will pick you up in half an hour. You could take a quick shower. But what for? First of all, you love the smell of fresh sweat after training. And secondly, you'll just be hanging out in the car park in front of the gym anyway, maybe blowing each other. And every once in a while, one of the high school seniors will surely come from the prom, smoke a cigarette with you, and maybe get a blowjob. Or give you a blowjob. Your cock is legendary with the juniors. You're really going to miss some of the seniors next year. But then you'll be a senior in high school and it'll be the year of your life.

[3liza]

What is the difficulty curve like for american schooling? What is the usual pass/fail threshold? Here it is 50% with the peak of the bell curve (intentionally set and recalibrated every year) at 70%, so you get at least ±2 STDs of student marks captured between 50% and 90%. Which makes me think the exams/assignments themselves must be more difficult than their american versions. Ive heard that in some schools anything below 70% is an F, can that be true? The exam itself has to be easier in that case, surely

i might be the wrong person to ask, and not only because im not an expert or informed about the details of the current American school system, and im approaching middle age so my experience is now out of date, so maybe an actual teacher can correct me, but my experience in american K-12 education was that everything is made up and the points dont matter. i dont think it's standardized here at all. each teacher had their own grading opinions and some classes i went to were on a curve, some weren't, some were pass-fail, "cool' teachers would often say stuff like "everyone in here has an A right now. the only way you will lose that grade is by not showing up and not doing you work" and then would ding you points every time you fucked up, etc.

i have absolutely no idea what my HS GPA was, never cared about participating in graduation so i didn't go, and I think iirc I graduated late anyway (or they were threatening to withhold my diploma or something?) because of fucking gym credits (i have a connective tissue disorder, exercise-triggered asthma, crippled knees, and POTS, and kept telling adults that the stuff we were doing in PE class was hurting and injuring me, to which they would respond that i was "out of shape"), which my lawyer mother managed to get dropped from my graduation requirements by successfully proposing that my after school activities like dance and semi-pro theater and bartering stable work for horse riding time were sufficiently athletic to quality as PE. she was right btw i was working my ass off. anyway thanks mom. but again this is equivalent to Ryan Stiles successfully arguing that Drew Carey should give him ten points for the improvised limericks about the battle of Thermopylae instead of 3, and then Carey doing so.

TEST SCORES are standardized, and the Bush-era No Child Left Behind reforms turned my HS from a school where you go to class and do schoolwork into a test prep and test taking warehouse over one summer. it was an actual nightmare. i also dont know what my test scores were. probably bad

so basically my experience was that i never knew what my GPA was anyway because i both didnt care, and also whatever counted as a "credit" wasnt standardized either so it was impossible to keep track of. the causative order of these two things could go either way, idk if i didnt care because grades were too confusing, or if grades were confusing just to me because i didn't care.

edit: i also didn't have any friends who knew/were keeping track of what their GPA was during school. people either graduated or dropped out nd some of them got sent to summer school ("bad kids") and we would see the scores marked on assignments when the assignments were handed back, but cumulative, ongoing awareness of "how well are you doing in school officially"? maybe there were really on-the-ball kids who knew this information but if there were i never heard anyone talk about it and had no awareness whatsoever where any of my peers stood in school credit rankings.

[puppy-stevee]

✨ stranger things fic rec pt 1 ✨

part 2 | part 3

mostly steddie with some ronance/fruity four/platonic stobin sprinkled in. heed the ratings, there's a healthy amount of smut.

fics in this installment: 65

fics in total: 196

as per usual:

-all fics are in alphabetical order

-please tell me if the links are broken/linked wrong

more fic recs

my own works

and, as always, please leave kudos and comments, and reblog this post!

'86 baby - T, 2.5k, 1/1, complete

hydrangea_bush

Eddie is finally graduating and is prepared to walk up to Principal Higgins, flip him the bird, and snatch his diploma.

Steve doesn't know any of this is about to go down and is just proudly waiting for his boyfriend to graduate.

"Steve Harrington Corrupted By Eddie Munson - Sounds like a Hawkins Headline" - E, 7.5k, 1/1

krwaken

"Harrington, what the hell are you thinking about down there?"

Steve grins up at the ceiling, languid and sated. He feels so fucking good. Every muscle in his body is relaxed, practically turning him into a melted puddle in the middle of Eddie's trailer. The carpet underneath him is soft and plush, and maybe a little outdated, but Steve swears he could sleep here for an entire year. He runs his open palms along the shag, letting out a contented noise - somewhere between a hum and a moan.

"God, you're so fucking high," Eddie says.

(you're my) bone to pick - E, 2.6k, 1/1

bdelaney

Kinktober Day 30: Pet Play

“How about this?” he says into the top of Steve’s head. “I’m gonna go get our food, and you stay here–” Steve cuts him off with a whine, and the hand running through his hair suddenly grips him firmly. “You’re going to stay here and get out of your work clothes. And then when I get home, if you’ve been a good boy, I’ll put your collar on.”

Any remaining tension seeps from Steve’s body fast enough to leave him feeling a bit lightheaded. He chances a glance up to see Eddie smirking softly down at him, eyes knowing as he watches Steve already beginning to slip into that headspace at the mere mention of his collar.

“That’s what I thought,” he says quietly before kissing Steve’s forehead. “Alright, up we go. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.”

4B - T, 4k, 1/1

andthentheybow

One of them is in college, Josh and Maisie are pretty sure, at Emerson. The other three work an odd variety of hours. They have a large amount of makeshift weapons littered where anyone can grab them, they’re all covered in scars, and whenever the lights in the hallway flicker they jump about three feet in the air.

Or, the kids that live in apartment 4B are weird.

5 times someone noticed Steve and Eddie and 1 time everyone noticed - G, 6/6

kermittheshipper

5 times somebody notices Steve and Eddie being completely and irrevocably in love and 1 time everyone notices

A Bad Day - T, 6.3k, 1/1

Abigailcantread

Steve’s friends don’t know he’s struggling and he reaches his breaking point

or

Steve has a very bad day and someone’s there to help

A Bracelet - G, 2.6k, 1/1

mewtoz

Steve is making a bracelet for Eddie and he really hopes his boyfriend will like it.

a criminal like me (and a princess like you) - T, 3.3k, 1/1

roosevelt

When Eddie comes into Family Video on one hot, boring summer day in Hawkins, long after the danger has passed and things have gotten back to normal, the last thing he expected was for Steve to invite him over his place to watch The Breakfast Club.

And the last thing either of them expected was what came after the movie.

a lunchbox full of drugs and pretzels - G, 606, 1/1

Lullabyebye

Eddie gets an actual lunch instead of just pretzels.

A Quiet (distracting) Morning - N/A, 1k, 1/1

slythekiel

A sweet rainy morning between Eddie and Steve as Eddie prepares for the next session of his campaign. Sweetness ensues.

A Secret World, My Secret Love - M, 6/6

RandomThingsInLife

Steve curses everything that led him here. Here being stuck in a Russian elevator, he was supposed to be with his fucking boyfriend tonight.

In other words, Steve's been dating Eddie for a bit, and he really wishes Dustin wasn't quite so curious.

Eddie has no clue what's going on, his boyfriend has been beat to hell and maybe drugged, and every word someone says just adds more confusion.-In other words, Eddie loves his boyfriend, but he really, really needs someone to tell him what the fuck is going on.

ahoy there - E, 7.4k, 1/1

starryskeyess

“Alright, Munson, let’s hear it,” Steve says, beckoning at Eddie. “Do your worst.”

Eddie blinks at him a few times, hiding half his face in his drink as he eyes Steve from head to toe. Everything about Eddie is intense, and the way he looks at Steve right now is no exception. Blatant and interested and heated.

Steve shudders at the look, so direct it feels like a physical touch, but he doesn’t back down.

Eventually Eddie smiles at him, wide and playful, and asks, “So when do you set sail, big boy?”

all at once it feels so right - M, 3.7k, 1/1

deadratz

Robin has never kissed anyone and is terrified of doing it wrong. Steve and Eddie both offer to give their best friend a (completely platonic) kiss to show her it's not so bad, but it ends up being too weird, and too funny of a situation for them.

Nancy ends up being the one to help Robin out.

Steve realizes that he might still be hurt over how his relationship with Nancy ended, and feels just a bit overprotective over Robin.

Eddie helps Steve.

All I Ask - M, 8.2k, 1/1

god_hates_tyler (@bisexual-cryptid)

Eddie will not stop calling Steve silly little pet names, which is really not helping the massive crush he has on him. He gets super flustered whenever he does it and makes a bit of a fool of himself in the process. Thankfully Eddie seems to like him anyway.

always a lonely boy (cry, boy, cry) - T, 2/2

riceenthusiast

If Steve got called an asshole one more time Robin would lose her actual mind. This was her official warning. The last chance everyone got to clear their fucking act before she snapped.

(Boy, did she snap.)

OR: Robin is sick of everyone putting Steve down and calling him an asshole (Steve was sick too but in a different way). She finally snaps when she has to comfort him after a breakdown.

Amantium irae amoris integratio est - T, 2.7k, 1/1

hellabifurious

Eddie and Steve didn't fight. It wasn't an official rule they'd written down somewhere, stuck on the fridge between the chore chart and the grocery list. Yet by a certain point, it simply felt like a rule of the universe, the ones that governed space and time and held together the sun and moon and stars.

Max allowed that to comfort her; coming home every day to Steve and Eddie's at most playful bickering allowed her to find solid land when everything around her was spinning out of control.

Naturally, when she heard the shouting, her stomach turned to lead.

And I'm Sorry I Left, But It Was For The Best (Thought It Never Felt Right) - T, 3k, 1/1

Babybuckleydiaz

“Oh darling, what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?” Questioned the curly haired man, and Steve wishes he could put it into words what’s going on in his head right now.

“Can I braid your hair?” He asks instead, and he expects to get questioned more or for Eddie to try and keep them on topic, but that isn’t at all the reality that he is faced with right now. Instead, Eddie smiles so softly and filled with nothing but understanding as he nods his head in silent agreement because he knows how Steve’s mind works.

- - -

“Tommy called me today, he wanted to try and be friends again.”

- - -

Steve pauses and smiles softly before he answers. “For loving me.” Is the response that he gets, and Eddie’s gaze softens into something filled with pure unadulterated love that he holds for the man sitting pretty on the couch in front of him. The corners of his mouth twitch upwards as he responds.

“You never need to thank me for that. I do it happily, lovely.”

- - -

aka: steve having a bad day and eddie is a wonderful partner

Babygirl and Sunshine - T, 2.7k, 1/1

made_of_tea

He squatted next to the bush, giving Eddie a good view of his thighs. "Anyway, why are you in a bush?"

"Henderson thinks you have a girlfriend, and we're all spying to see if you meet up with her during your morning jog," Eddie explained.

~~~

The Party thinks Steve has a girlfriend. Little do they know, the "girlfriend" is actually a boy. And that boy is Eddie Munson.

Back to the Light - T, 2.7k, 1/1

analogical9954

Dustin has a terrible nightmare about that night and there's only one place he can think to go: Steve's.

Backer? I Hardly Know Her! - T, 1k, 1/1

alligator_writes (@riality-check)

"'I quit dealing illegal shit,' Eddie says. 'Now I just get alcohol and backer for high school kids who want to party a bit.'

'Backer?'

Eddie looks at Steve like he’s stupid. 'The shit that goes in cigarettes? I know you’ve been clocked in the head a lot, but you’re not that dumb, sweetheart.'

Rude, Steve thinks to himself, then says, 'Do you mean tobacco?'

'Yeah. Backer.' Eddie has the beginnings of a shit-eating grin on his face."

AKA an incredibly niche fic in which Steve and Eddie compare their accents. (you don't need to read the first work in the series to read this one)

Bad Timing and a Good Audience - T, 5.1k, 1/1

MonstrumOstendere

After an enlightening conversation, Chrissy finds out Eddie likes Steve. Steve also finds out. Robin is just along for the ride.

be my baby ( never half & always whole. ) - G, 3.4k, 1/1

peachyyjacobs

“Don’t need you choking on your own vomit in case you throw up,” Eddie says softly, and Steve thinks he hears an underlying tone of pain somewhere in there.

“Mm ‘kay,” Steve mumbles, gazing up at Eddie through half-lidded eyes. The blurriness is starting to subside a little bit, but not all that much.

Eddie sits down next to him, his back resting against Steve’s headboard. “How are you feeling?” Eddie asks, voice soft as he looks down at Steve. His hair is curlier, frizzier, even. “Your hair looks so curly,” Steve says, curbing Eddie’s question completely. A shocked laugh is ripped from Eddie’s throat, looking down at Steve in bewilderment. “I like it when you laugh,” Steve tacks on, before Eddie can say anything in rebuttal to him.

A rose blush dusts over Eddie’s cheeks. He shifts where he sits. He clears his throat, “you do?” He asks. Steve nods, a dopey look of his own falling across his face. “Yeah, ‘s loud…Like you, like you own the whole room when you laugh.”

or, a party at Steve's soon turns into something much softer.

besides all the glamour (all we got was bruised) - M, 9.6k, 1/1

haushinka_love

He knew, through rumors and jokes and the literal handcuffs hanging on his wall that Eddie liked things rough. Probably liked his partners rough and strong and durable in a way Steve hadn’t been since the first time he swung a baseball bat full of rusty nails at a monster from an alternate dimension. Since Jonathan and Billy and several unnamed Russian officers had each taken a turn at making mincemeat of his face. Since chipped teeth and concussions and broken bone after broken bone. For all his bravado, for all the time he spent chasing down demons and play-acting a hero, he knew the second Eddie laid his hands on him, he would crumble, and he just couldn’t live with the shame of having his chance and ruining it because he couldn’t keep up.

Or, the one in which Eddie Munson lives and Steve Harrington learns that it’s okay to want.

but yours has just begun - E, 1.3k, 1/1

limerental

The plates rattle in the cabinets. The trailer's kitchen is glowing orange like fire while the sun tracks to the black edge of the horizon, and Steve can't dance for shit, always gets a little deer in the headlights when Eddie tries to hip chuck him into it. Slow, Steve puts his hands up high on Eddie's waist and tries to move with him, clumsy as shit but earnest, and Jesus Christ, Eddie wants to keep this guy snug in his pocket and feed him kitchen scraps. Get him a collar. Tug.

Calamity's Child - T, 3.6k, 1/1

glorious_spoon

It’s 10:15 on a Sunday morning, and Steve is on Eddie Munson’s couch.

More specifically: Steve is on Eddie Munson’s couch, in his boxer shorts and a shirt that's clearly been slept in, eating dry cereal out of the box and blinking slowly at the TV, which is currently playing WWF. His hair is more of a mess than Dustin has ever seen it outside of literal fights to the death. Eddie himself is nowhere to be seen.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Dustin demands, dropping his backpack just inside the door.

Candle in a Window on a Cold Dark Winter's Night - G, 6/6

Shadowmouth

Five times Steve (and Eddie) spontaneously come out and one time they plan it.

come lie with me and let silence treat us kindly - T, 3.6k, 1/1

flowercrowngods

Eddie learns that sometimes Steve will just lie down on the floor and simply exist while the world around him continues. The Party know that, call it "floor time", and generally leave him be until Steve is ready to be back. Eddie doesn't mind, because it offers him even more opportunities to just look at him. To watch him.

That is, until Eddie himself is in dire need of just lying down and letting the floor work its apparent magic. It's a good thing, he finds, that Steve understands him without as many words and is very ready to just take care of him. Eddie might be a little bit in love, actually.

Or: In which they lie on the floor and take care of each other, falling in love somewhere along the way between music and silence.

Come up for air, you pull me to the floor - E, 2.2k, 1/1

L3gitD3ntist

He looked like cogs were spinning in his head, his gaze locked on Steve and weighted with longing. Steve raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak but was cut off as Eddie’s expression shifted towards a grin; wide and wolffish.

“Y’know, it’s not every day I get to see Steve Harrington on his knees in front of me.”

His voice had deepened, words followed with a low approving whistle.

“And my, my, my; what a view.”

Contact - T, 1.3k, 1/1

jesskier

AU where it’s still 1986 but everything is normal.

Steve and Eddie run and hide from Jason & his goons under the high school bleachers.

Critical Hit - E, 7.1k, 1/1

AidaRonan

Steve shows up to play DnD.

Eddie decides Steve can stay. IF 'King Steve' recognizes the real lord and master of Hellfire.

Dee - N/A, 731, 1/1

demon_spirals

“Close your eyes.”

“What was that now, Stevie?”

“You heard me! Close ‘em!”

Dirty Laundry - T, 4.3k, 1/1

sparrow_in_hawkins

Eddie is excited for Steve to attend a Corroded Coffin gig for the first time, even if it includes fighting off other guys who want to hit on Steve.

Disarmed - T, 1.5k, 1/1

crow_of_crimes

When Robin and Steve volunteer to drive Murray back to Illinois, he may have met his match, a case he finally can't crack.

Or, Murray tries to break down Robin and Steve's "relationship", but it's more of a challenge.

don't make me regret this, dingus - G, 1.7k, 1/1

kermitwashingtonlincon

The King of Hawkins High takes the Weirdest Girl in Hawkins to prom

Don't Tell Steve - T, 3.9k. 1/1

Blapblaps

Fourth of July is just around the corner, and Eddie’s determined to make it the perfect day for everyone. The best way to do that is to give the kids their own fireworks display, but the only way to do that is to keep his boyfriend calm, cool, and collected. Can’t be too difficult, right?

Double Date at the Haunted Corn Maze - T, 2.8k, 1/1

Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2

It’s Friday night and instead of having a double date to the midnight showing of Evil Dead, Steve was standing in line for the annual Hawkins Haunted Corn Maze.

Drive Me Crazy - T, 1.7k, 1/1

Asimplewriterlivingasimplelife2

"You sure know how to drive a guy crazy Steve-O."

"Yeah?"

-

Steve and Eddie make out in the Staff Room at Family Video and get to be happy

Dying for Another Taste - N/A, 7.3k, 1/1

the_departed_one

Eddie likes to think he’s not an overly judgmental person. He prefers to take his time and fully learn someone before deciding anything about them. It’s the same grace he wishes Hawkins and all her judgmental residents had given him before writing him off as the freak. But whatever, that doesn’t matter. He’ll still give them the benefit of the doubt first, even the ones who shouldn’t get it.

The most notable exception to that is one Steve Harrington.

Or, Eddie finally learns about what the Russians did to Steve and Robin.

End of Beginning - T, series

FreshLoaf

“This is dedicated to my husband, who, at the beginning, only ever heard the shitty versions of these songs and still believed in me anyway.”

The crowd roars, and Steve hears a couple of their Chicago friends near the stage boo in jest. Eddie narrows his eyes at them and laughs.

Steve looks around at this bar that their family has shared so many memories in - he tries and fails to not let his heart overflow at the sight of so many people coming to see Eddie play in the same bar that housed empty gigs not that long ago.

He wills himself not to cry.

-

Eddie wins a Grammy, finishes an album and comes home for a secret gig - and in the arms of their old haunt, Steve surprises him.

Family is Built, not Born - N/A, 3.7k, 1/1

just_a_garbage_dump

When an argument between Steve and his father ends badly, he turns to his boyfriend for support, but instead finds Wayne, who turns out to not be half bad.

feel the magic (there's something that drives me wild) - T, 1.8k, 1/1

fivecenturiesverse

Robin is drunk and not for the first time wishes she could fall in love with Steve Harrington. Wishes she was 'normal'.

It’s dumb, really dumb, that she still wants to crow to the whole of Hawkins High that she knows what Steve looks like in the morning, in his boxers, coming out of the shower. She still wants to be normal, and it stings sometimes so harshly she thinks she might cry, that she’s never going to swoon over Steve’s arms or his stupid hair.

Fight So Dirty (But You Love So Sweet) - E, 4.2k, 1/1

god_hates_tyler (@bisexual-cryptid)

Eddie ties Steve up and marks up his chest before fucking him stupid.

First Timer - E, 2k, 1/1

ZachwyBuwnzie

Steve and Eddie do it for the first time

Forget About - M, 2k, 1/1

theoldhouse

Eddie laughed. And Steve saw the light come back into his face.

The light was beautiful.

-

Steve and Eddie share a tender moment in the RV.

four walls - T, 2.5k, 1/1

shroooms

“You got a lotta stuff,” Steve remarks, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, arms behind his back.

Eddie’s cheeks grow red. “Yeah, stuff just sorta piles up in here,” he takes a seat at the edge of his bed. “I don’t remember the last time I’ve done any kind of deep cleaning around here so, sorry for the mess.”

“No, no — it’s fine, man, it’s cool. Your room’s cool. I like it,” Steve reassures.

-

steve, eddie, and home

Fragile (Handle With Care) - E, series

LexiRoseWrites (@lexirosewrites)

All it takes is getting dragged to one Corroded Coffin concert for Steve’s life to change forever. Now he has to find a way to navigate a newfound romance with his famous soulmate while dealing with his complicated past and mothering a pack of preteen pups.

full time daddy, white and gold - E, 1.4k, 1/1

bdelaney

“You think we finally knocked you up?”

The words take a second to register in Steve’s post-orgasm haze, but then…

Oh.

get you back (by my side) - T, 3.9k, 1/1

fivecenturiesverse

Eddie hasn't spoken to Gareth and the others since whatever went down with Chrissy Cunningham, now Gareth sees him playing basketball with Steve Harrington and a bunch of kids, what the fuck is going on?

Sinclair sighs longingly.

“Okay, man, I can get behind you on the sweet and salty,” says Gareth, “but New Coke?”

“He was crazy for it,” says Harrington, grinning all fond at the back of Sinclair’s head like he’s retelling the story of his toddler’s foray into the world of art and talking Gareth through all the monstrosities in pride of place on the fridge. “Weird kid.”

Eddie is smiling at the side of Harrington’s face and Jesus Christ, Gareth never wants to meet another gay man in his whole life if their taste is Steve fucking Harrington.

get you wild, make you leave ( a little much for everyone. ) - G, 3.2k, 1/1

peachyyjacobs

“Hey,” he murmurs, slowly sitting up. Eddie whips his head to look in Steve’s direction, eyes wide and wild. He looks scared. “What’s up?” Steve whispers, more than ready to help. Eddie just shakes his head, his arms wrapped tightly around his torso. Steve glances over at the clock, barely able to see the big hand pointed at the six, and the little hand pointed at two.

“It’s two thirty, Munson. Did you have a nightmare?” Steve asks inquisitively.

And finally, Eddie opens his mouth to speak. “No,” comes his defensive reply, but Steve sees right through him.

or, it's movie night at the Wheeler's, but Steve's got something in store for him.

Getting Eddie Munson to graduate, and other acts of herosim - M, 7/7

liionne

It had only been about two weeks since Vecna and their trip to the upside down and everything had just… gone back to normal. As it always did. Life went on. The kids went back to school, he and Robin went back to work, Nancy and Jonathon were getting ready for college and Eddie…

Apparently, no one thought to check in on Eddie.

Recovering from first-time exposure wasn't easy, especially not when your return meant trying to graduate high school for the third time, so Steve decides he's going to do whatever it takes to help Eddie Munson graduate, even if it means re-learning 12th grade U.S History, and learning some things about himself along the way.

Good Dog - E, 7.8k, 1/1

PuppyKTae

Eddie calls Steve a "golden retriever boyfriend." Steve likes that a little more than he probably should.

Aka: Eddie calls Steve a good girl ❤

Handcuffs and Pleasant Surprises - E, 5k, 1/1

thefatedthoughtofyou

Steve accidentally handcuffs himself to Eddie's bed. It might be the best day of Eddie's life.

Happy Birthday, Will Byers. - T, 2.4k, 1/1

jesskier

“You forgot Will’s birthday?!”

The look on Steve’s face is nothing short of flabbergasted, and Eddie can’t exactly blame him. El and Mike are staring back at them with wide, guilty eyes and he would never touch a hair on El’s head but he kind of wants to backhand Wheeler.

“We only just moved to California and it was very difficult,” El continues, tears welling in her giant, brown eyes. “He is like my brother and I would like to make it up to him.”

“Yeah,” Mike chimes in, gesturing at El with his thumb. “It was kind of distracting when El knocked a girl in the head with a roller skate.”

All three of them glare at Mike. El opens and closes her mouth a few times, apparently at a loss for words. Eddie takes an aggressive step forward. He’s never hit a kid but if he were going to it would be Wheeler, definitely.

Before he can speak his mind, Steve steps between them, coming to the rescue (which is so very him that it makes Eddie’s chest ache). “Okay!” He claps his hands and rolls up his shirt sleeves. “Here’s what we’re gonna do.”

have yourself a merry little christmas (far away from a hallmark card) - E, 9/9

JeanElaineGrey

Steve Harrington hates Christmas. Not in a Scrooge-y, Grinch-y way, but in a "my parents are never home for holidays" way. Eddie notices and worries.

He Can Handle It - T, 2.4k, 1/1

Tricker86

His parents weren’t supposed to be back for another four days, they didn’t come home early unless something happened. The last time they’d come home early was when the "earthquakes" happened, but they didn’t come home because they were worried. No, they came home because since he had been missing he was considered a suspect of murder. His parents had been furious, demanding to know why he was careless enough to let the family name be tarnished by his actions. Almost an exact replica of what they’d said the time before when they came home early because Steve had gotten suspended for getting in a fist fight with Billy Hargrove during basketball practice.

This time though there wasn’t a fight with Billy Hargrove. There wasn’t an "earthquake". There wasn’t anything other than the fact that for the past nine months he had been dating Eddie Munson.

Steve knows they know. He doesn’t know how but they know.

-

Steve's parents find out that he's dating Eddie. He doesn't know how they found out but he can't take it anymore. He doesn't care what they think or what they do. Whatever happens, he can handle it.

Head Over Heels - T, 3.5k, 1/1

possumrug

Vecna is gone. Highschool is over. Everything seems to be back on track for Eddie and Steve. But with Halloween just around the corner, what harm can a little relaxing do?

hideout series - E, series

ghosttotheparty (@ghosttotheparty)

steve and eddie fall in love pre-season two. steve keeps eddie away from the whole upside down mess, but of course he gets involved eventually. it was inevitable.

home - G, 2.6k, 1/1

peaktotheocean

Eddie was well aware that his ideas of romance were vastly different from that of the general population. Metal, for one-- super romantic music in Eddie's opinion.

His partner showing up to a metal festival after a twelve hour shift teaching/babysitting a bunch of five year olds, not even changed or showered from his day, covered in paint that he was never going to get out of his favorite sweater vest? The most romantic thing Eddie could think of.

Home (Music Box) - G, 1.7k, 1/1

eajsabandoned_acc

Steve Harrington hated hospitals with a burning passion. Smoldering, if you will.

But here he was, Hawkins Memorial Hospital, sitting in one of the stiff waiting room chairs next to Wayne Munson, waiting for Eddie to be discharged.

(Not that that needed a medal or a pat on the back, because that’s the bare fucking minimum, and he damn well knows it.)

Home Is Where The Heart Is - E, 3.8k, 1/1

calendulablooms

It feels like it's been a much more hectic day than it actually has. Steve has just worked himself up into a tizzy. The list of stuff he wants to get done before Eddie gets home is long, and he wants, no, needs everything to be perfect. Eddie's had a long day, and he deserves to come home to a clean home and dinner on the table. So Steve bustles from one end of the trailer to the other trying to get as much done as he can. He still has laundry to fold, and the floor could honestly use another going-over with the vacuum, but Eddie is due home any moment, so it's time to check on dinner.

(Or, Eddie figures out Steve maybe has a thing for being his good little housewife and indulges him like a good, sweet boyfriend)

honey, when you warm the bed on wednesday - G, 1.4k, 1/1

bartoninthevent

Slowly, Steve pulls his gaze from their joined hands to look into Eddie’s eyes. The usual deep brown of his eyes has caught the light just so and it has shifted the shade to a gorgeous amber that almost makes Eddie choke remembering how to breathe.

Holy shit, isn’t he the most beautiful man.

hopelessly devoted (to you) - T, 8.8k, 1/1

fivecenturiesverse

In Miami, on vacation with his parents, Steve meets Eddie. So what if he doesn't get a last name or a phone number, it was a summer fling and they had a great month together. He doesn't realise it was Eddie fucking Munson until the guy has a broken bottle to his neck and they're about to go face interdimensional aliens together. Steve doesn't know when his life became a very fucked up and non-musical version of Grease.

Robin’s lips twitch. “And it was just a summer fling?”

He narrows his eyes at her. “What?”

“You’re such a hopeless romantic, Steve. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with you.” He must look as confused as he feels because she laughs and says, “Dude, you like sighed his name, you’re so done for.”

“Shut up. It’s not like I’m ever going to see him again, is it? I’m never even going to hear his name again. It was a summer fling and that’s all.”

Hours and Hours - E, 7k, 1/1

Blapblaps

“My tats turning you on that much, huh?” Eddie jokes.

“All of you,” Steve whispers, “So handsome.”

Eddie’s breath hitches and he wraps his arms around Steve’s neck, bringing their bodies flush together. It sends a buzz thrumming underneath Steve’s skin.

“Talkin’ like that’s gonna get you in trouble,” Eddie’s voice is lower now, thick with something Steve hopes (knows) is love.

Steve’s hands haven’t stopped moving. “What kinda trouble,” He murmurs into Eddie’s ear, pulling their hips together.

“The kind where I keep you here and make love to you for hours.”

housing a wanted fugitive never looked so good - G, 2.6k, 1/1

just_yeole_cryptid

Dustin needs to find Eddie Munson, to help prove his innocence, and fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, he goes to Steve.

Steve, who knows exactly where Eddie is.

-

“Did you see what was on the news?” Robin asked, disturbing Steve from his reverie, as Dustin and Max hurried up to the counter.

“That’s exactly what we’re here about.” Dustin replied, hopping the counter, barely giving Steve enough time to brush a stack of VHS tapes out of his way.

“We need to find Eddie,” Max supplied, giving Steve a look.

How Do I Get You Alone? - T, 5.1k, 1/1

eerielake

Dustin rolls his eyes and pushes off of the counter. "Your shift's almost over, right? Wanna hang out?"

Steve scoops up the fallen movies. "I would, but I've got plans. Me and Eddie are meeting up at the diner."

"Oh, that's cool. I'll just come with you."

Steve pauses his work and looks over his shoulder at Dustin. He's got a pinched look on his face, like he's thinking something over. Dustin knows that can be a real struggle for him.

"Uh... I don't... I don't know if that's a good idea."

-

5 times Dustin accidentally crashes a steddie date (+ 1 time Steve crashes a Hellfire Club meeting)

[svtskneecaps]

listen in the grand scheme of things i'm glad i let myself get back into minecraft content for this. like i haven't touched a minecraft series since like 2014, on purpose, but i saw clips of qsmp in march 2023 and thought, screw it. maybe it's time. and i don't regret it yknow? i saw multilingual server and thought 'that looks AWESOME' and it certainly didn't disappoint. my only regret is that everything went crazy and people logged off RIGHT when everyone finally started relying on the live translations more, which was something i've been dreaming of for months lmfao. all in all, just happy to be here. this stuff gave me new reasons to use my blog.

hell if this is actually an end or even just a pause maybe i can FINALLY write my FUCKING TIME LOOP FIC JESUS FUCKING I'VE BEEN COOKING THAT STUPID FUCKING THING SINCE LIKE MAY LIKE I WAS ON THE FUCKING FIELD AT MY COLLEGE GRADUATION CEREMONY WAITING TO WALK THE STAGE AND GET MY DIPLOMA AND I WAS WRITING THE FIRST STUPID CHAPTER OF IT LIKE GENUINELY BUT I PUT IT ON HOLD BC THINGS KEPT HAPPENING AND I WAS LIKE I SHOULD UNDERSTAND THE BIG PICTURE SO I CAN ACTUALLY PLAY WITH IT PROPERLY BC THE MOST FUN I HAVE WITH TIME LOOP AUS COMES FROM KNOWING EVERYTHING AND MESSING WITH HOW SIMPLE ACTIONS CAN ALTER THE PROGRESSION OF EVENTS AND CHANGE CHARACTER CHOICES LOGICALLY BC THAT STUFF'S COOL BUT I DIDN'T KNOW LIKE THE MYSTERY OF THE FEDERATION OR WHATEVER AND I WANTED TO SEE WHERE THAT WAS GOING SO I COULD SEE WHETHER I WANTED TO TOSS IT OR ALTER IT OR KEEP IT AND SEE NOW I'LL KNOW YKNOW AND NOW I CAN JUSTIFY SHIT LIKE "OH HEY PURGATORY'S HAPPENING IN JUNE THIS TIME BC I WANT THE BREAKFAST TRIO TO EXIST FASTER AND FUCK YOU" WITHOUT IT FEELING TOO WEIRD AND ALSO STUFF LIKE CODE LORE AND ALL THIS OTHER NONSENSE LIKE DAMN WOULD BE PRETTY COOL I MEAN ONE SINGLE FUCKING INTERACTION BETWEEN SLIME AND MARIANA COULD SEND ME CAREENING DOWN A PATH PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT UNIMAGINABLE I COULD MAKE THIS FIC THAT'S BEEN SIMMERING SINCE LAST MAY A REALITY I COULD DO IT THIS COULD FIX ME. THIS COULD FIX ME

but yeah i'm glad i allowed myself to get invested in this server. i think y'all are cool, and i think the admins did amazing with everything they were given even though they shouldn't have been given it the way they were, and the ccs were cool and i'm glad everything happened yknow. maybe things will keep happening and maybe not but yknow what. i became All Powerful. i started watching as someone who knew english and some french and now i am someone who knows english (100%), slightly more french (like 70%), a workable understanding of spanish (like 40%) and a slightly less workable understanding of portuguese (like 20%) they added german to nerf me specifically. they knew i was getting too powerful. yeah, i spent some time as a kpoppie, i have a tiny miniscule understanding of korean (5%) german i have 0 experience with they added german to nerf me and then this happened to nerf me further. make no mistake they cannot stop me. i will become all powerful.

like cmon. if it ends here it was never all bad. i don't even have to use google translate to understand roier shittalking in the chat. i can just read it. i couldn't do that before :D and i can make my chilean friend keysmash bc she's not used to me knowing any spanish at all

we've grown strong over the year, haven't we? i hope we will continue to, no matter what :D

[samcscreams]

Chads homework Crisis

It’s about 7:30 on a Thursday. Sams just getting home from work to an empty apartment. Tara and Mindy have their film studies class tonight which goes until about 9:30. Sam isn’t too keen on a night class but it was the only film class with two vacancies. As Sam was getting out of her work clothes and into something more comfortable she’s startled by panicked knocking at the front door. “Sam, Sam, Sam. Oh please be home” she heard Chad say from the other side. Her heart dropped why would Chad be freaking out at their door. Her mind immediately goes to worst case scenarios involving Tara. She opens the door quick as if she’s now in a panic. “What. What happened. Is someone hurt?” She said wide eyed looking at Chad as he hurries inside. He turns to look back at her confused he says “what no. I need your help. I know I normally go to Tara or Mindy with this but they have class and you’re the only other person I trust.” He said sheepishly. Sam sensed his embarrassment. “Hey it’s okay what can I help with?” She asked calming down. “Well I have this paper due. And I pretty much have it done but well you’re the only one who’s available and actually knows I’m dyslexic so I was wondering if you could help me finish it.” He said with a dopey grin. Sam thought to herself for a moment. I mean ya she’s helped him before but it was with minor stuff. she would spell a word for him or read something to see if it makes sense. Shes never actually sat down with him to fix his papers. Tara and Mindy were always around to do so. I mean she only has a high school diploma what if she can’t help him enough to pass. An expression of worry crossed her face. “Hey if it’s too much of an ask I can just try it myself. Don’t worry about me” Chad said as he headed for the door. Sam grabbed his arm before he could even take a step. “Oh no we’re doing this. And we are gonna get you that A” she said as all her doubt turned to determination. “Fuck ya” he said. They both sat at the dining room table. Notes and paper covering every inch of the table. Lap top open with a million tabs and it’s already on a charger. 9:45 hits and Tara comes back from class. “Sam I’m home” she says as she walks through the door and stumbles upon Sam and Chad super focused on a lap top screen. “Um hello?” Tara says again as she didn’t get a response the first time. “Oh sorry hi. wait what time is it? I didn’t make dinner yet. How was class?” Sam said in a fluster looking around for her phone. “No worries I ate before class. What are you two doing?” Tara asked extremely confused. “Paper” Chad said as he finally broke concentration from the laptop. “Ahh I see I’ll let you get back to it then” Tara said as she walked to her room. Chad looked to Sam who was already back at it. “Maybe we should ask her for—“ Sam cut him off before he could finish “No we got this” Sam said as she gave Chad a look that sent chills through his spine. They spent hours checking sources and proper MLA formats. Reading the paper back and forth to each other to make sure it made sense. Around 3am though blood shot eyes and shaky hands Chad looked to Sam. “I think this might be the best paper ever written” he said. “It fucking better be.” Sam added before putting her head down on the table and passing out. Chad walked to the couch and crashed.

In the morning Tara walked back out into the living room to see Sam still alseep at the table and Chad sprawled out on the couch. Knowing both of there schedules she grabbed a pot lid and wooden spoon. She bangs them together “Wakey wakey we got places to go and people to see” both Sam and Chad jump to there feet “What the fuck Tara” said Chad as he try’s to rub the sleep from his eyes. Sam glares at Tara but doesn’t say anything as she technically wasn’t in the wrong. However as Sam realizes the time she looks to Chad. “Chad your paper. your class is at 10” she exclaimed. The clock read 9:45. Chad scrambles to check his phone which had died in the night. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He said as he ran around the apartment collecting all his things. Sam helped as best she could. And before anyone could saying anything else he was gone. “Thanks for the wake up call. Even though…” Sam said gesturing to the pot and spoon still in Tara’s hand. “You’re welcome” Tara said with a shit eating grin.

About a week and a half pass. Mindy, Anika, Tara and Sam are at the apartment watching a movie. When Chad busts through the front door. “SAM, SAM, SAM!” He says trying to catch his breath. He looks as if he ran all the way there. “Whoa there big guy” Anika says as she goes to pause the movie. Sam gets up and walks towards Chad who is now on the floor digging through his back pack. As she gets closer he hold a paper in his hands as if he was presenting her with an Award. She grabbed the paper from his hands and she scanned it over. In big bold red pen read A+ 100%. “You got an A!” She beamed at him. “Oh no no no. WE got an A” he said as he went in for a hug but then hesitated knowing Sam isn’t too big on physical touch from anyone, but Tara. Sam however was to happy to care she met Chad half way for the biggest celebratory hug in the world. Just then Mindy walks over and snatched the A+ paper from Sam’s hand. “My brother got an 100% on a paper? In college? Oh my god it must be the end of the world” she said being extremely over dramatic. Chad snatched the paper back “ya with no thanks to you” he said giving her a little shove. “I have the perfect spot for that.” Sam said as she grabbed the paper and headed towards the kitchen. “Ta Da” she sings as she backs away from the fridge with Chads paper hanging proudly as a parent would hang their child’s drawings. “Aww that’s so cute” Tara added “Wow what an honor.” Said Chad as he walked closer to the fridge. “ I just want to thank my mom and dad for giving me this opportunity. And most importantly Sam for sticking it out through the night.” he says as if he’s giving an award acceptance speech. “Well it looks as though you don’t need us anymore” Tara said “Yep I don’t need either of you anymore. I got Sam for every assignment now” Chad said happily as he puts his arm around her. Sams eyes widen realizing what she’s gotten herself into. “Haha have fun with that” Tara teases as she and Mindy walk back to the living room. Chad looks confused and turns to Sam. “What” he says looking at Sam. She sighs taking pity on him “Nothing buddy come on” she says as she walks Chad to the couch to finish the movie.

Disclaimer* I am also actually dyslexic. So if anything is spelled wrong or if I have poor grammar, Cut me some slack plz. But anyway hope you enjoyed this!

[jabeur]

i was tagged by @drunkenromantic and @steffigraf to do the get to know me tag thank youuu <3 (ericka i'm doing it on this blog even if you tagged my main sdksdn)

1. Do you make your bed?

not always but i prefer to! it makes my space feel neat and welcoming (even if it's just to myself lol that's what matters) and it's so nice when i get home and my bed's all tidy bc i made it before going out it's like. ah yes i beat mental illness this morning

2. Favourite number?

19!!!!!

3. What's your job?

an office job in a social cooperative. specifically my office's digital transformation which probably means nothing to anyone

4. If you could go back to school, would you?

well you see. absolutely not! i mean i could probably take night classes to get a high school diploma, i don't want to but i could, but like actually going back to school ? jesus, no. middle and high school were awful

5. Can you parallel park?

i can't drive (yet ?)

6. Do you think aliens are real?

yeah. not in a conspiracy theories way or whatever but i think it'd make sense if they were

7. Can you drive a manual car?

i can't drive any car (yet ?)

8. Guilty pleasure?

mh i don't know? maybe that i too often fall into the temptation of eating outside of meal times and that ruins my appetite and my schedule which makes me mad at myself sdjsjdbs

9. Tattoos?

i have two (like ericka!) both on my right arm. one's inspired by my favorite place, porto selvaggio in puglia (southern italy) and i love it sooooo much i think it's so pretty (and i get compliments about it pretty regularly which is impressive bc it's not Super easy to see but it catches people's attention who want to see it better). the other's a person painting 3 stars with the lyrics "cambia le tue stelle" underneath. i'd like to get more, but same issues as ericka (what to get?? they're fucking expensive) BUT i'm thinking of like getting an addition to the stars tattoo bc basically the 3 stars represent 2 people + 1 pet who passed away that i love very much and now that my sweet little cat ripy is gone too it feels right to get something for him as well. but i have to decide stuff and i'm super bad at decisions lately :^)

10. Favourite colour?

blueeeeeee. any shade tbh. light blue dark blue pastel blue cobalt whatever. i love all blues

11. Favourite type of music?

i listen to a lot of different genres, in different languages, from different decades etc 😭 but i guess if i had to pick, rn i'd say i lean more towards r&b, classic rock and italian pop

12. Do you like puzzles?

yes!!! word puzzles my beloved! i suck at crosswords but i'm trying to do them anyway bc it is so satisfying when i finish one and it's a good way to learn stuff and keep my mind sharp. i like physical jigsaw puzzles too but actually i haven't done one in aaaaages. now i want to tho

13. Any phobias?

no i don't think so

14. Favourite childhood sport?

i played volleyball during my childhood/early teens, i liked it (i wasn't particularly good at it tho). i didn't really play any other sport until tennis (after i dropped volleyball i think? memories are hard) i love tennis but i didn't take lessons for nearly long enough to be decent at it lmao

15. Do you talk to yourself?

yes all the time. now that i live alone i'm always going on monologues while i pace around the (small, it's a lot of back and forth lmao) apartment or do chores or whatever

16. Tea or coffee?

both. tea tho, i prefer it hot so i mostly drink it during the cold months. i actually didn't drink coffee until like 2 years ago then i got a job and..... being around working italian people, i was doomed to start

17. First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

a writer or journalist

18. What movies do you adore?

so many????? i love cinema. if this means like, genres, then again so many. i'll just give you 3 movies i've watched lately and loved: wife! be like a rose! (1935), letter never sent (1960), calcutta 71 (1972)

idk who's done this already or been tagged so feel free to ignore this but i'm tagging @shapovalovvs @lewisfencer @fortyfive-forty @belteppismo @tiiresias @marcotardelli @carlosheinz <3

[floosies]

Radio

early 2000s au

eddie munson x poc!oc

warnings: mentions of drugs, cursing, eventual smut, mentions of abuse, friends to lovers 18+

a/n: i feel like i should explain i'm writing this the way i remember acting as a teenager and how i remember my friends behaving, i feel like teenage angst should be honest no matter how dumb is it looking back at it. also this is gonna be a longer chapter.

Junior Year, 2008

Something had happened during the first couple of months of junior year. Eddie wasn't acting the way he usually had been last year. She noticed it happening before her. He had started ditching again to the point he just wasn't showing up most of the week. His replies were either paragraphs long or nothing and no calls anymore. He wouldn't talk to her at parties anymore either, just sell what he came with and head out.

In his head, Eddie was trying to spare her from his bullshit. His dad been trying to get him to go clear his name at his upcoming trial. Trying to push some bullshit about his mom and how she would have wanted him to do that for her. He hung up on him then and there, he remembered the countless times the psycho smacked his mom around like a ragdoll. He never forgot how he would hold his mom after his dad would leave her with bloody noses or a busted lip. She died trying to get away from him and it was some shit Eddie would never forgive his dad for.

He wanted to do right by Julie and his uncle, but people around Hawkins already saw him one way so it didn't really matter what happened with school. The thing he had left was the band and that was gonna be his ticket out. This was the year he was gonna try to get them onto the warped tour setlist. Fuck school and a diploma, it wouldnt mean shit compared to a platinum record and touring around the world.

Still he tried to do some justice by her, showing up to his classes. Not really doing shit but not causing a stir either. Julie was happy to see him sort of going back to his old self. She tried to figure out what happened and why he'd been awol for the last couple weeks. He brushed her off, and while she didn't wanna admit it, it hurt like hell to have him treat her like that.

Jeff had noticed how his friend had been off with her and at one the band practices he did his best to let her know that she was probably the only girl he actually cared about. Still it didn't feel like it sometimes, and either way they were just friends. As she watched them practice she realized it was probably time to drop whatever she thought was happening.

That weekend she didn't even text him where she was going to be at. They had started going to backyard shows together, usually it was where they'd be if she wasn't feeling up to partying. He started wondering where the hell she was tonight, her calls were going to voicemail and she wasnt replying to her messages. By nine he had messaged everyone he knew about where the parties were at this week, but the only party was at some abandoned house in the woods.

Liquor and weed is a hell of a good way to forget whatever makes you feel like shit. That was something Julie had learned her freshman year of high school, even before Eddie was in the picture, she felt like she was fucking everything up. Her parents had no problem verbally and emotionally abusing her, telling her what she could do better or how they had gave up their dreams for her. None of that shit mattered here, the music was blasting her eardrums and jungle juice was being poured to her by people she never hung out with in school.

It took Eddie a while to find her in-between all the people she was around. Her friend was the first person to notice him, she tried to get Julie's attention, when she eventually did, she pointed at him. Julie turned to look at him waving at her. She just nodded acknowledging him, but not really caring. Maybe he had that coming for how he had been with her lately but it still hurt like hell.

He knew it looked weird to follow her around, but he did it anyways. He didn't want any weirdo near her, usually she was with his friends or nearby him at parties so it wasn't that big of a deal. Eventually she pulled him aside to an empty-ish spot, her head jumbled by everything she'd consumed, she tried her best to sound somewhat sober, "dude I don't know why you're following me. Go have fun like everyone else." Julie had resigned herself to whatever was going to come from this.

Eddie looked at her confused the music was too loud, his head tilting down and his right hand gently gripping her upper arm, "I don't know anyone here. I came because I wanted to talk to you, you havent answered any of my texts or calls." He pulled away, her gaze following his, frustration and every other emotion building up, "is there anything to really be said? I mean you've brushed me off all week. Like cool I know that life is shit but you don't have to be a dick." She shrugged, "listen I just wanna have a good night tonight, I'm not arguing with you here." He shook his head, his voice defeated as he spoke to her, "I don't wanna argue either. I know I've been a dick lately, I'm sorry. Julie you're the coolest fuckin person ever, please I don't want you to be mad at me. I'll do anything! I'll fuckin get on my knees and beg." To which he actually did, this making her laugh and forcing him to get up off the dirt beneath them.

She hated how she couldn't be mad at him. How quickly she made up with him, but Eddie was just someone she couldn't deny. He spent the rest of the night dancing with her and following her around. The night didn't end as planned, Julie had gone to go get her friend away from some guy who was overdoing it, to which he tried to yell at her about cock blocking. Eddie threw one punch and the guy was out, but it caused enough of a scene for them to leave the party early. Julie knew he meant well so she didn't really hold the situation against him and even her friend had thanked him.

-

What neither of them expected was that he would run into the guy at school the following week. He was mostly just shit talking Eddie and his friends, which they were all used to, but by Thursday it had gotten ridiculous. At lunch time Eddie had become fed up of the guy, it was the same insults and shit talk about how it wasn't even a fair fight because he was drunk. The guy followed them to their table in the back of the cafeteria and kept at his bullshit, so biting the bullet Eddie finally told him to "stop barking like a bitch and accept the fact he got knocked out" to which the guy threw his backpack at him. Both her friend and one of Eddie's stopped her from getting in the middle of it as soon as it had started.

Eddie didn't wanna have problems with anyone but this guy had pushed all the buttons. First there was the incident at the party and now he had gone too far, he let the dickhead throw the first swing, which he missed and then swung back. The punches kept going back and forth just trying to get a hit in where ever either of the two could land. He wasn't sure when it happened during the fight, but this guy had thrown his skateboard off him. He'd been carrying it between the straps of his backpack for most of the day before the guy knocked off him.

It happened in less than minute but the action felt like slow-mo. She saw Eddie grab his board and swing it at the guy's face, like that scene in Wanted. The board broke and all that anyone heard was the crack of the wood. People scattered, her friend and Eddie's tried to get her to scatter, but she couldn't or wouldn't, Julie was frozen in her seat at the table. Both the principal and some teachers had showed up, someone called for an ambulance and she was taken to the office as a witness of the fight.

-

The yelling could be heard from the nearly quiet front office, everyone was trying to find out what happened. Staff even tried asking Julie, who still chose not to say anything. She knew Eddie could have a temper but she'd never seen it like that before. He might have done it now, but she was hoping for the best. Eddie and his uncle had been in there for a while with the principal.

She was waiting on her mom to get there. It irritated her that they had called for their parents. Mostly because she knew her mom would hold this situation against her, use it as more ammo against her social life and reason to have her sent to a private school. When her mom finally showed up and sat behind her she started her rambling, "you know Wayne was the better half of him and his brother. Poor man, he should have left that brat to the system." Julie was sure she hated her mother by that point.

After nonstop claim after claim that Hawkins was heading down the drain, it came to halt as the door to the principal's office opened and out came the Munson men looking slightly defeated and annoyed. The principal then called for Julie to come in, her mother giving Eddie's uncle a small hello before entering the office. It didn't take long to figure out that whatever she said was going to royally fuck things up for Eddie if she didn't word it right.

Ultimately she ended up calling the situation self defense even if it did go too far, that she blamed on teenage boys being hormonal and dumb. Her mother wasn't buying it, she kept repeating to her to be honest, which Julie had to assure the principal she actually was being as honest to the situation as she could be. When it was over with Eddie and his uncle got called back in. By then Julie and her mom had left, and he was given a week's suspension, told that he got lucky he was still seventeen (by some months) and that he needed to get himself straightened out.

As Eddie and his uncle left the school premises, they walked out to a shouting match between Julie and her mom. He heard as Julie argued that she wasn't defending him so much as that's just how things really happened. He knew her mom like the rest of the town mostly hated him, but this was as close as he figured she could get to looking out for him. What he didn't expect was to see her mom smack her, before he could even react Wayne had already gone over there.

The two adults were having it out like they knew each other, which maybe in a past life they did. Julie ended up going to talk to Eddie while they spoke, "sorry you had to see that." He shook his head, "are you okay? What the fuck is wrong with her?" She shrugged, "so much for pretending to be a caring mother." He wanted to hold her then and there but he had to stop himself knowing it'd probably get her in more trouble. Eventually the conversation ended and Julie left with her mom still yelling at her. Wayne told Eddie that some people never change.

-

That weekend she didn't go out, she got grounded, her parents took her phone, but left her laptop so she could do homework. Again she was thankful they had no clue how the internet worked. She ended up messaging him on myspace for the rest of the night on Friday and learning that his band had a gig on Saturday. Julie didn't know it, but the way she had vouched for him had taken on a bigger effect on Eddie than what she could have imagined.

He spent that weekend dedicating the band's sets to her, one of his friends recording the videos for their youtube page while she was locked away in her room. Eddie knew he was fucked, he was falling head over heels for a girl he'd only met last year, but it didn't matter, in his mind, he'd known her a whole fucking life time. Even his friends hyped her up for the way she defended him and didn't leave the scene. His uncle felt bad for her, he said he'd known her mom when she their age and she'd really taken a turn. However, his uncle felt that what Julie had done meant a hell of alot more than what most would have done considering it was Eddie. That was all the reassurance he needed to have to know that she was the one.

At the same time as he was coming to realize this, the band was looking for a way in and while he was sure he could multitask, his focus had always been getting out of Hawkins. Now he had to account for an extra stowaway, which he didn't have a problem with at all.

[once-upon-a-pirate-ship]

totally dumb and completely ridiculous (or: words to describe falling in love)

read my newest fic on AO3 here!

or, below the cut

summary: Emma Swan doesn't do love. She doesn't do romance, she doesn't do dates--none of it. Even if there's a charming professor hanging around who's tempting her to break her own rules.

just under 2k words

rated t for language

you can read my other fics on AO3 here!

taglist friends: I'm sorry again, I'll get the list and I'll fix it, I swear.

Emma Swan didn’t do love.

She didn’t do relationships or even dates and especially not ones with flowers and pink dresses and reservations and walks after dinner in the breeze that lifted off the water. She wasn’t the sentimental type, she wasn’t the type to sit by the phone, waiting for a ring or a buzz with a message from some guy. 

Maybe this stemmed from her independent-to-a-fault personality, maybe it came from one too many dates gone bad—or maybe she just wasn’t cut out for that kind of thing.

Love.

The thought of it made her stomach spin. That was something she hated about butterflies, too—how could you tell if your gut was screaming at you to run if there were stupid bugs flying around clogging up the alarm?

She’d spent years clipping their wings so they couldn’t make her fly. She didn’t want to fly. Flying meant leaving the ground, it meant letting your feet do something other than stay firmly planted in reality and reason. Flying meant feeling. 

So, naturally, the second she met Belle’s colleague—he was a professor, for fuck’s sake—and those butterflies started planning out aerial formations, she brought out her metaphorical scissors. 

Three weeks later, she created The List. Sketched out on a back page in her notebook:

Reasons Why I’m Not Romantically Available

     1. My schedule is chaos. 

Finishing her degree online was good in theory, but that theory failed to take into account that she still had to work and make money and also somehow maybe find time to sleep in between all of that.

     2. Money.

She didn’t exactly have the disposable income to spend on fancy date outfits or meals out. Plus, grilled cheese was one of her main food groups, and that wasn’t suitable Date Food.

     3. I don’t even like the guy. 

He was too charming, absolutely not sincere, totally a player. No matter what Belle had said. 

     4. He definitely doesn’t like me, so it’s not even worth making a list over. 

He refused to even say her first name—not exactly a sign of affection, right?

She frowned at the list, the one she’d written out instead of taking notes for her upcoming quiz. Four was barely a list. 

She huffed, pushing the notebook away from her and letting the pen clatter over it, a small line of ink marring the last point from the way she’d thrown it. This was so dumb, and she knew it. It was nothing, really. There was…nothing. 

This must’ve been a sign that she’d been hanging around David and Mary Margaret too much. She was reading into things. Trying to find romance where there wasn’t any. Even though she didn’t, as a rule, do romance. 

She took a fortifying swig of her hot cocoa, dragging her notebook back and turning it to a clean sheet, determined to do the thing she was actually supposed to be doing. She was so close to finishing, and she wasn’t going to let some guy distract her from it. 

—

Her last final taunted her. Her homemade study guide was its accomplice, and every single time she tried to read, it made her brain flutter around without a care in the world and without consideration for her final grade. 

She couldn’t afford to make a mistake now. She was practically there, her fingers twitched with the thought of holding the tangible evidence of her success, a diploma in all its glory after so many years. She was so goddamn close. 

But she hadn’t been able to focus for like a whole month. And her chest ached from trying to latch a tether onto it—she was so sick of that unsettled feeling, that wandering, that dread mingling with sick curiosity—none of it made sense.

It didn’t make sense that her hands trembled against her keyboard, like she was terrified of the words she wouldn’t write. It didn’t make sense that her jaw kept itself locked into a place she’d never gone, tension snapping her into bits and pieces. 

Her frustration with herself bubbled up at inconvenient times, it mocked her for a poorly written sentence, it buried a knife in her gut when she missed a question on a practice quiz. She’d been pushing herself for years, doing her best and practicing to do better and she’d always been able to let some part of her believe that she could do this, but now, at the end, when it really mattered? 

She was three steps from the top of this goddamn mountain, and her shoes were untied. 

In this analogy, she was clumsier. 

She couldn’t track it. She couldn’t break it into bite-sized fragments of logic that she could comprehend. She’d just been feeling like this with everything, all the time, since—

Fuck.

There wasn’t a glow of a lightbulb over her head, but there was a fairly satisfying click in her brain when she finally figured it out. 

It wasn’t her fault. 

The relief she felt from that thought was powerful, but it wasn’t more powerful than the irritation at the person whose fault it was. 

She didn’t care that it wasn’t fair to blame him, she was just glad that she didn’t have to blame herself anymore. And maybe it was the easy way out of this emotional circle of hell, but she had to do what she had to do. 

She grabbed her keys. 

She must’ve looked ridiculous, plodding to her car in slippers and sweats and what was quite possibly the oldest t-shirt she owned, but once again, she didn’t care. 

She didn’t care that in the six times she’d seen him she’d cataloged enough information to know exactly what street to turn on—it should’ve pissed her off that she remembered that it was Tuesday and he had a class after six every Tuesday and then he went to his office and did the grading he refused to pass off to his TA, because my students are here for an education from me, Swan, and they don’t deserve feedback from some ponce who has yet to learn how to read a clock. 

It was ridiculous, it was all so ridiculous, and she muttered that under her breath all the way there, her fingers thudding uneasily against the wheel. 

Three dinners at her friends’ houses, two coffees with Belle that turned into two coffees with more than just Belle, and one birthday party for Ruby at their local bar—she’d ignored the hardly subtle comments from not one but three of her friends, she’d ignored the suggestive glances they’d given her, she’d ignored the nagging in her gut that wanted to tell her things about him.

She’d sat beside Belle, across from him, and she’d tried so hard not to listen to the voice telling her that he understood. Just because he met her gaze when she’d fallen silent after a particular comment from Mary Margaret about the concept of home didn’t mean that he knew what it was like to grow up without one. And at coffee that first time, just because he’d supplied Belle with the perfect conversation to distract from her unanswered question did not mean that he recognized her need to evade the subject until she was ready to deal with it. And just because he—

It was so fucking dumb. 

It was dumb that she felt her heart twist right there in her chest when she saw his name on the directory, telling her to go up the stairs and down the hall.

It was especially dumb that she hesitated at his door, because she’d come all this way, and she wasn’t a coward, and all she really knew was that she absolutely had to do well on this last final and—

Well, that wasn’t the only thing she knew.

He was wearing his glasses when he opened the door, his hair ruffled as if he’d had his hand through it one too many times while grading. His pen was still in his hand.

“Swan,” he greeted, happier to see her than he should’ve been. Or maybe he just should’ve seemed more confused. His brow furrowed when his eyes trailed down to her slippers. 

Irritation bubbled within her to hide the embarrassment. “We need to talk.”

His lips quirked into that half-smirk. “I find that when a woman says that—”

She rolled her eyes, pushing past him into his office.

“By all means, come in.”

And then she was just standing there in front of him, in that stupid t-shirt that she should’ve thrown out at least four years ago, and he was there, waiting expectantly. Because she’d come all this way to interrupt him.

“What can I do for you, love?”

Her hands itched at her sides; she tugged them into fists. “This is all your fault,” she snapped. It wasn’t exactly what she’d planned to say, but she’d said it.

Killian took half a step back, his eyebrows shooting up. “My fault?”

“Yes!” she cried. “I have things to do, Jones. Important things. Finals I need to finish—you are familiar with the concept, aren’t you?”

“Aye,” he replied, partially amused, partially concerned. 

“I have goals. A checklist. Things I’m gonna do—things I have to do. And I can’t afford to waste a whole night of studying all because I—” She snapped her mouth shut, her chest heaving slightly from the exertion of anger. 

“Because you…what?”

Her jaw went rigid. “You.”

“Me?”

She practically growled, “Yes, you.” She crossed to him, an accusing finger landing on his chest. “You. I can’t get you out of my fucking head and that’s so unacceptable. I have goals, Killian Jones. No one is going to stop me from achieving those goals, not even you.”

He blinked a few times, confusion and slight indignation dissolving into wonder as he stared at her. “You…?”

She grit her teeth, withdrawing from him to relocate closer to the door where she could think better. His proximity made the butterfly army into a butterfly armada. 

“Swan,” he murmured.

Her gaze fixed on her stupid slippers. “This is ridiculous,” she huffed. She hated this. She hated feeling things. She hated that she wanted to feel things. 

“Swan,” he repeated, closer this time, and her head snapped up, her gaze locking with his. The sea churned in his blue eyes, even behind the frames of his glasses, and she was so fucking adrift. An absolute goner. 

“You’ve been in my thoughts as well—though I have no desire to banish you from them,” he said, his voice warm and tender. “I quite enjoy your company, Swan, and when I’m not fortunate enough to have you around, thoughts and memories ease a bit of that…pain.”

“Pain?” she echoed, her eyes frantically searching his for evidence of a lie she knew she wouldn’t find.

“I miss you, Emma. I’m not entirely certain that I’m allowed the privilege of missing you, but I’m afraid I can’t help it at this point.”

She swallowed, trying to find her feet just to know she was grounded. “I…”

He took her silence as a reply, stepping back and away from her. And that was the moment she felt like her feet lost hold of the ground. 

“Wait, Killian—” She caught his arm, tugging him back or meeting him somewhere in the middle, she wasn’t quite sure which. 

“Emma?”

He glanced down to see his hand now entwined with hers, and her heart roared at the sight of the pink that tinged his cheeks. And she’d been wrong. It wasn’t quite flying. It was landing. It was coming home. 

At least, that was what it felt like when their lips met. 

[hella1975]

hey I have life advice to ask and if it's not cool then just go ahead and delete this-

I'm gonna be 17 soon and I was pulled out of school due to stuff I couldn't really control, so I dont really have a college/university to expect in about 2 years ish if I cant pull through out of my depression/anxiety and take the GED tests (american testing, its like a substitute for a highschool diploma, which is.... shit idk the differences to england but either way if I cant study and complete 4 giant tests, colleges/universities wont be available to me. I think.). I really could just move about anywhere I'm able to, and there's this place that I really, really love. I've done everything I can to know about it besides GOING there, because it is incredibly far away from my home. Really fucking far. It's been smth of an idea of mine I've held on to a year, like all the towns and places I dive into I just keep coming back to that spot. It feels like the one, like I can't really see myself growing old because of my depression but I can SEE it there, and I've never felt that.

The thing is I know from a few older mutuals of mine (and just other adults in gen) that things can change and while you might go to uni/college for [X Thing] you'll come out with something else you found so you'll now have [Y Thing]. like what you're expecting or want is going to change as you learn more or delve into it. I don't know how much I should take that to heart really? There's this fear that's been placed into me that I can't actually think for myself if I'm always going to be changing. I'm so confident about this rn but what about later? Sorry if this freaks you out too JFNSJMW like we're about 2-3 years apart but it just feels like so MUCH, I wanted your advice since you've got the uni experience I might miss out on

(My family is fine really like they're not going to kick me out or anything, they've just got other problems ig that I'd like to escape from because a lot of what they do has me just.. stuck with myself. It sucks being a teenager because I'm just in the middle of it all)

hi anonstie! sorry for the slow reply to this, i hope im not too late to any decision making. thank you so much for trusting me with this, it's a really scary situation for any teenager deciding on something that seems so defining, let alone with mental illness factors and possible family pressures. trust me I GET THAT. so everything i say is my opinion very tainted by my own bias and personal experiences, but you know that and asked me anyway so im gonna assume we're clear on that okay:

so as someone who not only has the uni experience but overall LOVES uni like could not have picked a better option i love my uni life i love my friends i love my independence so much that i stick doing a subject i HATE bc i love my life here so much - coming from someone in that position, you want to know what i think? if you're not sure about going to uni and genuinely think you'd be happier elsewhere, do not go. im being so serious. university is a challenge, and people know that, but you have to take what you think it's gonna be like and double how hard it really is. it's a fucking culture shock and a half and even those who settle in well (i like to think i did) still have trouble finding their feet, and it's fucking scary. you have to have a level of certainty to manage it. idk maybe im being too extreme here but ive seen so many people who regret uni and are the loneliest they've ever been, and if you already have mental illness weighing on you that's not a boat you want to be in even if you might not end up like that.

the option does not vanish just because you didn't do it at the 'correct' age. i can see ur stress around the exams and while i know fuck all about american education, i refuse to believe there's no ways around it or ways to redo at a later time, or even if you do just wind up with not very good qualifications, somewhere will take you. i was convinced that if i didnt get out of my hometwon at 18 with the natural progression in academia then i would be stuck there forever, and part of me still believes that no matter how silly it is, which is why i outright refuse to drop my subject even on the days when it eats me alive, because i think if i drop out i'll get stuck in my hometown. uni was an escape for me and that's one of the reasons i love it so much. but over time, while it still lingers i wont pretend it doesnt, ive realised how wrong that mindset is. there's so many types of people at university. some people come onto campus with their children. some people are middle-aged. some people just did a gap year. my own flatmate is a second year uni student just like us but she's a year older bc she dropped out of first year bc of covid and reapplied. uni made me realise how common MESSINESS is. i hardly know anyone who got here on the really straight and narrow route, and maybe that's just part of being the covid cohort who knows but there's not a 'correct' way of doing things.

idk i think school is very rigid UNTIL you reach eighteen, and bc the universe is such a bitch you only realise how fluid everything gets post-eighteen ONCE YOUVE MADE THE DECISIONS.

so yeah, if you want to know what i think? chase that place that's calling to you. worst case scenario is it lets you down but you finally scratch the itch; that alone is something to live for. if you ever change your mind, university and that path isn't going anywhere. there's always so much choice, we just sometimes box ourselves in until it feels like there isnt

[irene-dimension]

ok well just let me type this out to get it out of my head. senior year was seriously ass. and now thats its over..; im in this weird in between right now of classes having ended but so much senior stuff is still coming up. and i feel like a complete and utter failure. not academically. academically, i got my aice diploma junior year, went to college full time as a hs senior, got into my dream school and the top school in florida, and had straight A's every year. yeah, it sounds good all typed out, but i cant help but feel that the struggle for all that was worthless. because somehow, i still failed. i hardly have any real friends. many of my friendships crumbled this year. i have severe social anxiety. i feel like everyone else in my class is so social and has such strong bonds with so many people, and i dont have that. i dont know how to interact normally. making friends is simply a skill i never really developed. and a lot of the blame for that falls on how i was raised. i went to a tiny private catholic school for 11 years. the same 30 people in my grade (15 per class as we were divided into two, because 30 was considered a large class) for ELEVEN YEARS. it truly does something to the psyche. and only a handful of my peers werent assholes. then, i started hs during covid. it was frustrating in terms of making friends, because there was such a heavy expectation to branch out and do that, but we also weren't really supposed to be near each other? and going from a school with maybe 230 people to one with 1,500 was not an easy transition. i didnt know how to really socialize! and i feel like ive never been able to change the effect all that had on me. then being labeled "quiet" and "shy" makes you never wanna open your mouth ever again. i was in three clubs, and it made no difference. seeing everyone else with their large friend groups makes me feel so insecure and shitty. and fucking THEATER KIDS should not be making ME feel insecure like what the actual fuck?? anyways. i feel like ive cried more in this in between time than all year, and i wasnt particularly doing well all year either. it just sucks. im so so sad over the what ifs. i have to grieve the person i couldve been and the life i couldve had. its not fucking fair. on top of that, the school im going to is the one my parents, grandparents, and many of my other family members went to. my older sister didnt get in, when they really wanted her to go. i worked so hard to get in because i had some stupid notion that i could "win" and finally they could love me as much as they love her. yet, they dont even seem happy about it. they act like they dont care at all. like everything they have to do regarding college stuff is just a burden to them. like, great. i wasted my whole life,, i couldn't make friends, i couldn't make my parents like me, nor the rest of my family. everyone just views me as some shy loser freak.

at least i didnt peak in high school, right?

[nyxopenjournal]

Life seems very unmanageable when you have no idea what you want or are supposed to do with yourself anymore. I feel like I already did all the things you're "supposed" to do. I went to school. I got the grades. I got my diploma and my degree. I've had a job in my field & experienced that by the time I was 22. Well what the fuck am I supposed to do now? I don't have a purpose. I don't understand what anything is or who I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to do now. And I have no idea how to figure that out. If it were up to me I'd park my car somewhere and sit there until I rot. Or run it into some deep body of water. Or crash it into a building. I want to. Everyday I consider it. It wouldn't be hard. Because honestly what's even the point of me being alive? I don't have a reason to live or wake up. Nobody fucking cares if I'm around or breathing. I'm extremely replaceable. It doesn't matter. I wish it weren't that way. I wish I mattered. I wish I had a place somewhere and meant something to anyone and could find my person and live happily with them. But it's just not realistic for me. It's just not in the cards. I'm not worth that. I've been thinking about "bc you have a piss poor self view" since it was said to me lol. It's true. I fucking hate myself. Bc I'm worthless. There was a time where I actually did like myself and who I was as a person. It seems so far away now and it seems impossible to feel that again. I don't know what I did to get there. I don't know how to get it back. This is so frustrating. Feeling like this everyday. If I could just die in my sleep I think it'd do more good than harm. There wouldn't even need to be a funeral because I'm not important enough for anyone to pretend they'd miss me. I wish I wasn't such a coward. I'd have been gone in 3rd grade and wouldn't have had to experience any of this. I would've been gone instead of being such a burden on anyone I come in contact with. I wish I was dead. It seems so peaceful. Today has been a shit day I woke up feeling like a piece of shit. But that's what I am. It should be normal. I always think I'm starting to be okay until I don't have a distraction in front of me. Going days without work makes me remember what a fucking useless garbage nothing I am. At least then I have a few hours to distract myself from the thinking and then by the time it hits it's too late because I'm too tired to let them simmer much. But then there's the weekend and I remember that I have nothing. And no one wants to be around me and I'm just stumbling around because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing or what I want to do. I want to give up so bad. I don't know what keeps me here. I think it's fear of the unknown more than anything because everything I've come to know here just hurts. I really do want to die. I just can't bring myself to do it myself. Not yet at least. Maybe one day. I hope. I can finally stop wasting space. I didn't mean to cause so much damage to anyone's life. I leave a mess wherever I go. I'm always the problem. Even my own family believes it and left me. Why would anyone else stay. It makes sense that they leave and find others better than me. There's always going to be someone better than me. I'm not a good person. I don't deserve good things. That's the only thing that makes sense. I don't really know what I did to cause this existence on myself but it had to be awful for me to be suffering this much. I can't do anything right. Please just take me out so everyone can get on with their lives. It's for the best. No one needs me. And I have to be okay with that. I just wish I had one thing to grasp on that was a glimmer of something worth living for. But this tunnel has no light at the end. It's just running blindly in the darkness until I eventually hit a brick wall and die. There's no way out of this. I don't have any worth. Good for nothing piece of shit waste of space. That's all I am. And no one should have to put up with that. It's fair they leave. Find someone worthy of their time and effort. I'm not worth it. I get it.

[flipwizardstarlight]

Danny prides himself on being the one Barista at the WE Starbucks that doesn't get weird about high level personel. That isn't to say all the others are /super/ weird, they just... are intimidated by the people who could literally ruin their lives at the drop of a hat.

Danny is just built different. You kinda have to be when you face off against the tyrant king of the dimension that holds all dimensions together /and win/ at age 15. Not to mention the whole "on the run from the government and your parents after several weeks of torture that is still technically legal" thing.

All this to say, Danny has very, very few fucks to give to the people who run the company that his lowly Starbucks job is placed in.

This does have the unfortunate side effect of making his managers unhappy with him when he doesn't show the 'correct' amount of respect to the people who come and go. He is on thin ice after the last time he stared down a WE Board member until they stopped yelling at him. It doesn't matter that Ms. Fox, the PA for the CEO, likes him and stood up for him during the incident last time, he is supposed to be on his best behavior.

This particular, red-faced, spitting mad customer is not one Danny recognizes. There are a combination of factors that lead to Danny's quote-unquote breakdown on this customer and Danny takes a half a second while he waits stonefaced for a break in the man's rant to list them.

Danny wasn't able to sleep last night. The combination of insomnia, ADHD, and PTSD made it literally impossible.

Danny has weathered four of these people already and has only been here for an hour.

Tam, the PA for the CEO that likes him, told him two days ago that she is moving jobs so he won't see her nearly as often anymore. Danny considers Tam a pretty good friend. They even text each other memes now!

Every one of the angry people so far have been interview candidates for Tam's job including the man in front of him.

Danny is just. So fucking tired. He does not have the patience for this.

The man finally stops for a breath and Danny takes that as his que. "So what I am hearing is that you want me, literally the lowest person on the Starbucks corporate ladder, to personally loose my job because we don't carry the specific brand of soy milk that you prefer?"

The man opens his mouth to say something and Danny holds a hand up to stop him. One if his coworkers snorts quietly and the other mutters, "Danny just snapped," so quietly that Danny is absolutely sure no one was suppossed to hear it.

Time to put his hard earned psychological evaluation skills to use. He has never been more glad for Jazz's special interest in psychology then now. He is loosing his job after this for sure, so he is gonna make it count.

"No, I think it is your turn to listen. You, Sir, aren't actually mad about any of this. You are, at most, a little annoyed by the change in product but ultimately give less of a fuck about that I do about your quite frankly /childish/ temper tantrum."

Danny refuses to acknowledge that the pair of people walking through the door are Tam and Mr.Drake-Wayne. He knows that Tam will enjoy the show, at least, and maybe if he makes a good enough impression he can get Mr. Drake-Wayne's phone number to ask him on a date. Tim is fucking pretty, sue him. Danny keeps his eyes firmly locked on the man in front of him.

"No you are mad because you were dismissed from your interview for PA to the CEO 20 minutes early because you think you could do the job of CEO better then the young Mr. Drake-Wayne and acted like it. You think your 'real diploma', bachelor's in Business Management, and generational wealth make you inherently better then people like Mr. Drake-Wayne and I who dropped out of high school and haven't publicly persued any higher education. You think that people like him should be here in my shoes where you don't have to pretend to think of them as actual humans deserving of basic courtesy and respect, so when he called you out on your frankly archaic biases and dismissed you from being eligible for the position ten minutes into your allotted time with him-which you were already insulted by because the meeting was based on /his/ schedule instead of yours-it made you uncomfortable. You don't like that someone so young and seemingly uneducated is better then you because it doesn't fit your narrow little world view where the only people worth calling people are the ones who grew up with silver spoons in their mouths."

Danny is pretty sure Tam is holding back from cheering him on. He swallows the grin that threatens to appear because of it and finally takes his eyes off of the asshole only to pretend to inspect his nails, letting boredome suffuse the air around him as he keeps going.

"You can't just say that to him though, because reguardless of how bitter and jealous you are that he is in that spot instead if you, you recognize that he has all the power in that situation and you just have to deal with it. But you don't like feeling small and wrong and out of control, so you decided that you would do what always makes you feel better when someone you consider lesser comes out on top of you; you found the nearest little guy that you could scream at without consequences and proceeded to throw the exact kind of temper tantrum you can't throw in front of Mr. Drake-Wayne."

Is that a hint of awe in Tim's eyes? Danny fights another grin down when Tam looks at Tim and a menacing kind of glee makes its way into her expression.

"Unluckly for you, I don't need a high school diploma or college degree to be able to tell that all this screaming is a result of a superiority complex used to mask the fact that you know, in the back of your head, deep down in the bottom of your heart, how insignificant you are. You have to pretend those things like age and official education and wealth make you better then you are because otherwise you would have to face the reality of your own abilities. If those things don't matter, then you are mediocre at best. And if you are mediocre, then what makes you different from the people you consider below you?"

The cafe is silent as Danny finally looks back up at the man and grins. "It's okay though, you can keep yelling at me if you want. Sometimes our feelings are just too big to fit inside our bodies and we need to let them out, but we don't always have the tools to do that in a healthy way. Maybe after you feel better, you can look into some better coping skills then taking your misplaced agression out on innocent baristas."

-

Tim may or may not have just fallen in love.

"Tam I want him to be my PA," he turns to Tam, whose face promises merciless teasing.

Tam just laughs at him.

DC x DP: The assistant

Tim Drake gets a new personal assistant. It's not that he wants a new one, but Tam is taking on a different position since her knowing his secret isn't enough to stop her from spreading her wings.

So Tim opened her old position and screened through applications. He gets frustrated by everyone who applies because they are all older and think they know better. Yes, he plays his part, but being talked down to despite being CEO for years is frustrating.

He takes a break for some coffee between interviews and happens upon one of the people he interviewed being extremely rude to an employee.

The employee is laughing at him for throwing a fit over there, not being almond milk, and not even trying to entertain his adult tantrum. Tim watches the boy lose his job for being disrespectful to essential customers and falls a little bit in love.

He follows the boy outside, offering him a job before he can think with his head and not his hormones and the ex- birista accepts.

Danny Fenton starts the following day, shocked to find himself with an excellent-paying job. He honestly thought the weird sleep-deprived guy who offered him a job was a drug dealer or confused Danny for a male escort so this was a pleasant surprise.

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 78

I totally missed day 69. Also, there are now more days between the day I dropped out of university and today than there are between today and the release of Heartstopper season 2 (76 days) and I think that's cool, insane, and insanely cool.

I'm at my grandma's right now. It doesn't feel like life is quiet nor peaceful. I still get some paranoia at night, I still feel anxious about the future, I still feel annoyed at my mom for not taking care of herself. But I do feel loved, so at least I have that.

The way I write on here is quite inspiring for a potential future book. The thing is, I need to start writing a first book before I get there. I have ideas. I have a whole main character planned out, some specific scenes planned out, but the main plot is still sort of blurry so I can't really start writing anything until I have figured that out and the second main character. Maybe I should look writing prompts online and reappropriate them? I wish I could ask Alice for tips on how she did it. Does it. Anyway.

My grandparents on my mother's side are apparently worried about what I'll do with my future. They actually have no idea I lost all will to ever go back to university/school, and it's so taboo for them they refuse to ask me. They'd rather ask my mom, or my grandma on my dad's side, probably because they're too afraid of hearing the truth. The truth, ah the truth, the disappointing truth that, just like all of my other cousins, I will never pursue long studies and have some big diploma they can brag about to the rest of the family, to their neighbors, to their friends. I think they'd rather hear me say I hate my life for the next three to five years but get a shiny piece of paper, than hear me say I am at peace and happy with my life even if that means never pursuing big studies.

I told all that to my therapist a while ago and she said my grandparents probably wouldn't be disappointed, just sad, but considering how they rejected and insultee my mom when she dropped out of university, I think I am allowed to doubt they would take the news well.

Talking about my therapist, I haven't gone in probably a month now and my therapist was kind enough to text me to ask how I was. I quickly explained the whole business of me stopping all my medication because I didn't trust the psychiatrist I saw (I'd told her a bit about it in person too) and she said she understood but I probably should still have some psychological support, even without any medication. I think it's worthless going to therapy without medication in my case, just as it is at least partly worthless to take medication without going to therapy but... I don't know.

I'm still definitely psychologically unstable, but most days I manage quite okay. Recently I was finally able to book my flight tickets to go to the US this summer, which had been stressing me out non stop because it was always in the back of my mind but knowing I was going to have to spend so much money when I have no income was kind of scary. But I did it!! And now I can look forward to something fun this summer. New, exciting, kind of scary, but mostly fun I think. I want to quote "Nick and Charlie" right now:

"We were both fucking terrified and the whole thing was kind of terrible because we were fucking terrified. But it was good too, so good, because we were a mess of emotions, and we were scared and excited, and everything felt new. So, this sort of feels like that."

I think this quote actually reflects my entire life quite well right now. There's good in making such a big change but it's all so new and I have no idea where it's going, which is just as exciting as it is daunting.

Lately, I've been feeling really lonely. I've kept saying that my life was in Paris, but I'm not so sure anymore. I used to have a whole friend group in uni that I would see often. But recently, I've been a lot less close to my "uni best friend", and since they're often the one organizing stuff and they stopped inviting me to the stuff they all do together, I've been more and more isolated. It started when one night I was opening up about how I was feeling miserable and they told me that it probably wasn't that bad considering they'd had depressed friends who ended up in the psych ward or couldn't get out of bed. Except I still have days where I can't get out of bed, except I don't brag about it, obviously. And I still have lots of negative behaviors like not feeding myself properly, like, ever, and also self-harming, terrible sleeping habits... And this "best friend", they knew a lot of that, they knew that barely a couple weeks prior I had been preparing a suicide attempt. And they still told me I didn't have it that bad. And it hurt me so much, and I didn't want to confront them because, fuck, I just don't have the will nor energy for that. So I just started texting them a lot less, caring about them a lot less, checking up on them a lot less. And apparently they didn't really care so they did pretty much the same, and they seized that opportunity to also not include me in the friend group anymore. So basically, the only friend I have left in Paris is my chosen godmother, whom I actually went to Disneyland with recently. Gosh, I love her so much. She cares for me so much.

So yeah, otherwise, I have one friend 350km away in one direction, another one 350km away in the opposite direction, and one friend in Paris. Cool! I'm usually very independant but, I don't know. I still feel lonely. Maybe even lonelier lately because my mom has been so... elsewhere. Not distant, just elsewhere. She's so in her fucking bubble of "I need to work out this many hours a day and massage my face this many hours a day and wear this belt that's supposed to make me sweat to lose weight this many hours a day, and take this many pills a day that are supposed to make me prettier, skinnier, with stronger hair, whiter teeth" and also CONSTANTLY pursuing men that are going to break her heart over and over again. It drives me fucking insane and I am so glad I don't live with her anymore because it would probably drive me so mad I would get violent and never talk to her. Or maybe it's all my fault. Maybe she wouldn't feel the need to run after bastards if I was still at home with her: but for my own good, I cannot. So it's either I am selfish and try to salvage the little in me that's salvageable, or I protect my mother for as long as I can. It's fucking unbearable. Also, the only way I could ever feel completely okay would be either if she got better, or if I just stopped loving her and caring about her. And both sound about as impossible as the other. So, that's that.

Sorry for ending this all abruptly but I feel overwhelmed and I'm done getting shit off my chest today. Time to distract myself.

Buh-bye.