#I dont have attraction to men fictional or not shut up

[lucadrawss]

I made an edit of Don Thousand and people are thirsting over him in the comments

For once I'm not gonna say anything about it. Look at this man, he's beautiful

Oh great my friend is thirsting over him now, not gonna hear the end of that ;-;

[opiopal]

Imagine Mc having a rough day and snapping at the brothers when the dining table gets a little to loud, but instead of just yelling at them as a group they go down the list oldest to youngest,

Like this,

Mc, shooting up from their seat at the dining table: HOLY SHIT SHUT THE FUCK UP ALL OF YOU.

The brothers all stop whatever argument they were having in shock,

Mc, pointing at lucifer: STOP BEING STUCK UP AND GIVE YOUR BROTHERS SOME BREATHING ROOM

Mc turns to mammon: STOP DIGGING THROUGH MY WALLET I AM JUST AS BROKE AS YOU. YOU WILL NOT FIND ANYTHING I PROMISE YOU THAT.

Mc, Now pointing at Levi: IF I HEAR ONE MORE WORD ABOUT “nOoOo iM jUsT a YuKy OtAkUu” WHEN I TRY TO SAY SOMETHING NICE WILL STRANGLE YOU. JUST TAKE A COMPLIMENT!

Satans turns: WE ALL HAVE DADDY ISSUES HERE DEAL WITH IT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND HAVE AN ATTRACTION TO FICTIONAL MEN INSTEAD OF TRYING TO ALWAYS CURSE LUCIFER! IT ALWAYS LEADS TO ALL OF US GETTING CURSED AS A WHOLE. SO DROP THE SPELL BOOK.

Mc turning to asmo: NOT EVERYTHING IS A SEXUAL INNUENDO. GET PENIS OFF YOUR MIND FOR FIVE MINUTES! I KNOW YOU ARE CAPABLE OF IT DONT LIE TO ME!

Mc turns to beel, skips beel,

Turns to belphie: AND YOU.

They drop their tone,

Mc: you know what you did.

By the end all the brothers are sunken down in their seats and/or look absolutely baffled at the sudden outburst, Mc steps away and shoves their chair back into place as they start storming out,

Lucifer: I- Mc where are you going?

Mc: Purgatory hall! Because even the CHILD doesn’t act as childish as all of YOU!

Of course after they cool off they do return and apologize for their outburst and how they should have just addressed their issues more calmly and not while they were all trying to eat,

[mecchimon]

"I dont support it in real life!"

Then why write about it? If for coping purposes, why post it online for others (especially actual predators) to see and consume? Then why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor (that mind you, is usually designed to resemble an actual child) depicted in sexual situations doesn't mean you don't share that same view concerning children in real life? You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones? Why does the line between finding someone who is (and usually also looks like) a child sexually attractive get drawn at whether the child is real or not? I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits... And also no, I am not talking about 18 y/os finding 17 y/os attractive. Use your brain. Creating content of underaged characters is still questionable regardless of age, however.

Wow.

Well hello to you too. Thanks for the ask and I hope you have a great day.

Now, at what point during your scrolling through my blog, filled with Sanrio characters and drawings of adult fictional men. May I repeat, adult fictional men, did you manage to make up this baffling scenario that I somehow condoned pedophilia ? Where in the numerous reblogs of Pompompurin and My Melody did you see me wishing harm and abuse on real life children ? How does one even come close to that scenario ? Why do you guys immediately hear pedophilia when the word proship is involved ? "Minding your own business and not harassing others online regarding their ship" means pedophilia now ? Is this what we're doing ?

Do you know how crazy you sound coming into a complete stranger's asks to make up grave accusations without any proof whatsoever ?

Not even talking about how weird it is to assume that I'm condoning absolutely everything I post online because apparently fiction and reality are absolutely one and the same to you, and I'm not even going to toe that line considering you won't listen at all, why are you making this random assumption that what I'm posting is vent art ? Because I'm not a victim of sexual assault nor have I been assaulted or raped as a child. It's rude to make assumptions.

And who the hell are you to dictate what they should or shouldn't post ? Your own displeasure or ick shouldn't interfere in anyone else's business, what you should consider doing is actively shutting the fuck up and educating yourself properly on what the words that you spout actually mean, because you just sound dumb right now.

And how twisted do you have to be to casually imply that everything I post online enables pedophiles. Do you know how sick you sound right now ? Pedophiles don't give a fuck about me or my art, they just want to exert their power over children and rape them. And you are relishing in the idea that I or someone could be using my work to do that. That's a good thing to you, that a child could be abused right now ? Where you should be horrified and contact CPS or possibly the authorities, you find glee knowing that the person you're interacting with could be a pedophile who wants to sexually assault children or enable this ?

And excuse me, which children are you talking about exactly ? Because all of the characters in THH are confirmed to be 20 years old. Is a 20 years old a child now ?

You know, you should seriously think before finding random strangers online to acuse them of being pedophiles and maybe find real problems. Because by actively watering down serious problems, you're making things worse for children and those who actually care about children ? Ever thought about that ? You're not protecting anyone, you're making things worse.

Don't you have like, anything else to do ? There has to be at least one thing that you like to do instead of being this hateful, so go do that and stop such being a rude shithead online.

And now I'm disabling anon asks before more twats like you swarm in and start saying the vilest stuff because you think that you can do that with no consequences. I didn't put it there so you can say whatever like I'm a fictional character. I'm a real person, you cunt.

Again, I hope you have a lovely day, and go fuck yourself.

[manie-sans-delire-x]

If you're doing the TMI ask thingy:

What are the three things you're looking to most rn?

And alsooo ik lately you are looking for a partner so what sort of a guy are you into and who are you looking for?

I'm pretty much open to TMI asks 24/7 lol

Hmm well earlier I realized how many good tv shows were coming out soon and got excited about that! Fallout tv show this month, Interview with the Vampire s2 in May, and Arcane s2 in Nov!! Ah!! Too bad Blue Eye Samurai s2 isn't coming out for like two years...cry cry.

Also, I write in pieces but some of it has finally shaped into a full first chapter!! I have a bit more to write, but I'm excited to soon have an actual chapter done.

Also looking forward to summer so I can wear my slutty little clothes, and I havent been clubbing for too long.

Honestly thats hard to say because every guy I've liked have all been quite different. And this is sad but its mostly been fictional characters, I've only ever had feelings for one real guy in my life, so I'm really not sure. Anyone who makes me actually feel emotions for him, thats the most important thing.

But if I had to say, I would say I like guys who are similar to me- who have a sad soul, are traumatized and mentally ill, have real life experience and have faced legitimate hardships, are on the serious side, deep thinkers, logical, intelligent, who arent afraid to speak their mind and go against the grain or have controversial opinions, who really think for themselves and are their own person. I wouldnt mind if they have anger issues and are aggressive or violent as long as they dont direct it at me or become toxic or irrational. I like men who are confident, self assured, and mentally mature, capable, tough. I like guys to be on the rougher side, even a little sadistic and dark. Masculine energy. Protective and possessive. Sexually dominant.

But then I can also like some guys who are kinda soft spoken and sweet, who I believe is a rare, truly good person, a better person than me, where I want to protect them instead. Im drawn to artists- whether thats drawing, writers, or musicians.

He has to have soul, depth. And intelligence and maturity. And physical attraction. Those are a must. Wit and good humor. Wisdom.

I dont really care about anything else though- I can accept a broke guy, an addict, a criminal, someone with severe mental illness or severe trauma, family issues. I can accept all that if I like him.

I don't like goofy guys, or guys with feminine vibes. I also dont like people who cant shut the fuck up.

But sexually, I do have my eye on this one guy, just to sleep with though, most likely not as a partner. He's tall, in good shape, good looking, has a skeleton hand tattoo, shaved head, and a tear drop tattoo (which is kinda like the male version of a tramp stamp dont you think hahah). He told me he's been to jail, which isn't surprising. Thats fine, as long as it wasnt against a woman or child. Like I said I do enjoy that rougher look.

[ileftherbackhome]

so my friend and I were having a discussion because he was like confused at how a man like pete davidson has the roster he has and i was explaining to him that if you actually look at the types of beautiful women pete dates you can see the glaring similarity they all have in common is their deep seated insecurity and self doubt in their own worth as a woman and a human being in general

i dont say this to be judgemental of these women because believe me I've been there myself but like are we really surprised an average ass man is able to court and keep a conventionally attractive woman? it strikes me in these moments why republicans' entire platform is conspiracy theories, lies, and propaganda because idk having a basic, well-funded education above like 12th grade will really help you understand that "average man marries supermodel" is like literally the entire "great lie" of white patriarchy my guy.

it also strikes me as odd that mras and incels spend so much of their time trying to convince ugly ass dudes that there is no way in hell "this society" will ever "allow" them to marry "above their weight" so to speak because like my guy, please in what reality are you living in? the entire purpose and creation of white marriage was to give average men or ugly men or "loser" men their chance at marrying above their weight. like this is literally the system my guy.

what they're really complaining about, imo, is women educating themselves on how society makes them feel like even when you look like (insert pete davidson ex here) you are a worthless human being. i see it all the time on tiktok comments or insta comments of men like ganging up on young women or teenage girls because they dare to post a video of them being self-absorbed for 15 seconds of their day. they gain sick pleasure out of tearing down any woman for existing as if they're "exposing" "delusions" of the "female sex" or whatever when all they're doing is providing evidence to these young women of the truth of gender theory in general.

like, all feminists and women's rights activists have tried to do is educate women (usually white ones tbh) on why the things society is telling them is harmful, abusive, and detrimental to their mental health. all we do is treat women like human beings who are intelligent enough to see the systematic forces at play for every "superficially bigoted" comment you engage in and mras/incels hate it because they know they're losing the ability to brainwash young girls into needing male validation the more women speak out about the truths of gendered interaction in this society.

a woman finding herself attractive is seen as a threat to these men for no other reason than it makes it harder for them to control a woman who gains validation in only herself. men on the internet will swear up and down that ugly men never marry beautiful women when the reality and evidence points to ugly men winning beautiful women all the time. they will speak over beautiful women when they tell their truth and claim they know the real reasons she is with this or that man is "his money" as if she aint shitting diamonds herself in her sleep lmao

the reality is that women, everywhere, across all social classes are universally pressured into settling for the "nice" "family man" in america, like you literally have hundreds of influencers and thousands of wanna-bes pushing this idea that women are "too" entitled these days, that they aren't "grateful" enough to the contributions of men in their lives and they literally speak candidly about having no sexual desire to their future spouse but getting married anyways

like the fictional universe incels wanna live doesn't exist because all an ugly man has to do to date above his league is literally treat a woman like a human being because women are literally trained to shut up and marry him anyways if he's "nice enough" and you don't have a reason to break it off with him other than you're not attracted to him. incels are just unwillingly to admit that the reason they can't get ass in a society literally built in their favor is because they're unwilling to do the literal bare minimum and treat women like human beings.

[oriigirii]

💞 MC is a Genshin Simp 💞

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{ AN: Omg! This is my first ask so thank you anon (๑ↀᆺↀ๑)/!! This is such a vibe too haha, I hope you like it! } Warnings: None [Maybe Refs and Chars you wont get if you dont play Genshin Impact] * Probably a bit OOC too *

Reader: Gender-Neutral [Default]

( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)

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< Genshin Impact was a game that took the human realm by storm, with its open-world gameplay, its competitive PvE and aesthatic settings, it was truly something that captured you the moment the beta was announced. Although, as with any Gacha games, you weren’t only attracted to the world and its setting.

No no.

The characters were truly the main eye candy of the game. You’d been worried that when you had been sucked into Devildom, you wouldn’t be able to access the game due to, yknow, realm differences, but luckily that wasn’t the case thanks to Levi, and hence why the moment it dropped, you had been spending your life savings simping for characters on every banner.

Yknow theres handsome bois in devildom too... Theyre just kinda waiting for you to put your game down for a moment and kinda notice em ～((Φ◇Φ)‡ >

------

ฅ⁽͑ ˚̀ ˙̭ ˚́ ⁾̉ฅ Lucifer

He usually doesn’t mind you playing games

Although, He would’ve preferred if you didn’t cause you kinda need to focus on your studies yknow?

But hey he’s not stopping you

Usually you would stay with him as he works, but he can’t seem to focus with you constantly begging beside him

Small little ‘please’ would be heard every now and then, and a sudden look of disappointment would show on your face.

He tried to ignore it, even giving little cues for you to quiet down, like clearing his throat

You didnt seem to pick up the hint though

He was just about to ask you what you were doing in the first place that has you praying beside him (which is hella rude) but your scream of happiness has him a little more irked and kinda taken back

“LUCIFER! I GOT HIM! LOOK LOOK I GOT HIM!”

You show him the screen showing your pull results

The character held a giant claymore with bright red hair

Before he can get another word in, you snatch your phone back and just sigh as if youd just had a heavenly (ironic) experience and mumble

“I seriously love him, Im so happy...”

Bro same though, Diluc pls come home

You were truly one of a kind, because youve just managed to break the Avatar of Pride’s... well.... Pride.

Did he just get cucked by a man in a video game?

Truly outrageous.

He seems to scoff and holds back a bit of an eye roll as he tries to focus back on his work

But boy oh boy, his salt is high

“If you are going to be causing a ruckus MC, May i suggest you doing it with Levi instead, I have no time for such games. I dont see why youre so caught up in such a character anyways, he looks quite basic.”

His words were sharp, and that was enough to shake you out of your fangirl/boy mode.

You were literally ready to fight the first born, a literal fucking fallen angel, for dissing Diluc like that

like

how dare

But then you notice how he seems to avoid your gaze and a small little red tint was on the tip of his ears.

Lucifer wouldve wanted to see you that happy with him, but no, a game character steals that spotlight.

Angey.

Instead of being intimidated by the sudden coldness, you giggle and finally close your phone and set it aside

You can continue celebrating and bragging about it later, for now, you wrap your arms around his arm and give him a small smooch on the cheek, which definitely makes him blush a tad bit

“Awww Luci dont be like that, Yknow I love you more”

Potential apocalypse has been diverted

But Lucifer does smile the smallest of smiles as he sighs, finding it silly to really get jealous over such a small thing and says

“I love you too, my dear... but you do have to make up for distracting me from my work...”

Well you kinda deserve it, so it wasnt long before both his work and your phone had been ditched

( After a while you do kinda see him quite similar to Diluc and it just makes you smile everytime you think about it, seems you have a thing for the strict cold men huh?)

===

Σ(‘◉⌓◉’) Mammon

Why you simping for a fictional character when you already have him?!

He’s your first man!

Your homie!

“Yeah well hes my first 5* so can you blame me?”

S A D N E S S

But for real, this man is just so clingy

He has heard from Levi that you were playing a new game from the human world, and of course, he had wanted to see what it was about by watching you play.

But since it was quite grind-heavy gacha game, he grew a bit bored and asked you to come with him to hang out somewhere else, or even go to the casino and gamble his money away cause he just got goldie back

But no matter what he suggests, you were just so focused on your grinding.

He’d prefer a different kinda grinding right about now with how lonely he is, ya feel me?

But no, you still werent interested.

“Oi! Cmon MC, whats even so important about this?”

“I already told you Mammon, Im grinding for primogems from the event! Theyre gonna be gone soon and I just HAVE to get them! Ugh I swear to Diavolo, if I dont, Imma cry! I didnt get him on their first banner too... ugh!”

Wait no--

Cmon he doesnt want you to cry!

Mammon kinda stays silent for a bit as he watches you struggle to fight the monsters with your low level team, frustration growing on your face.

But as you finish, Mammon seems to snatch your phone

“Hey! whats the big deal Mammon?!”

“Shut up and show me where the store is geez”

Mammon’s demands kinda surprises you and you raise an eyebrow at him, but you do show where it was, and sit back for a while as Mammon just fiddles around with it. You werent sure what he was doing honestly, was he interested? Did you say anything that made him act this way? All you talked about the game was the gacha system so--

oh…

OH

“Mammon! Wait you dont have to---”

“There! I got you as much primo things, or whatever theyre called”

He already has tossed you your phone back and he crossed his arms, looking away as the red blush covers most of his cheeks.

You look at your phone and you honestly felt your heart speed up and stop at the same time at the amount of primos on your account, it was enough for a full 180 pull! If you dont get the limited character on the first 50-50, you have another shot!

You felt your own heart speed up and your face burn so hard, but you do mumble him a quick “But... But why though?”

“Cuz! If you start cryin’ Lucifer’s gonna beat my ass! Dont think I did it for you, you human! I just dont want him taking away Goldie again!”

“But I thought this was your gambling money, isnt it?”

“w-well!... I mean... Hmph.. Gachas kinda like gambling right?, I know Lucifers gonna hang me if he catches me in the casino again anyways, so I thought I might as well just do this... with you...or whatever...” Hes dying, help

But so are you!

Hes too fucking cute and you just glomp him and just hug him as tight as you can!!

Flusterred boi 100

But you do spend you afternoon on his lap, both of you rolling the full 180 in excitement, whether you get that boi/gal you simped for on the banner or not, you still were happy to spend some time with Mammon

He doesnt mind losing a bit of cash for you

but you do promise to pay him back (maybe with a few kissy)

But to be honest, Gacha probably will help him with his gambling addiction...

kinda...

He doesnt go to casinos anymore but he does whale with you now

Lucifer has such a mix feeling with these results.

But he still confiscates Goldie and your card on the end, yall need to chill.

====

ヽ(。_°)ノ Leviathan

He probably wasn’t even interested on the game at first

He already has enough games to play, and it just looks like another rip off of some other game he saw not too long ago with that elf looking guy

But when you came to him asking for his help to get the game, you bet your ass that he felt a switch click

Suddenly it was incredibly interesting!

You do share your interests to him almost immediately

By interests, of course i mean the peeps you simp for

The sexy ara ara in the library of mondstat, the pirate looking ass of the guards, the pirate looking ass’s brother thats a wine owner and still highkey reminds you of Lucifer, the demon slayer--- You were actually unsure if you should talk about Xiao but hey hes cool

You explain it all!

From their lore to their voice lines and whatever

But honestly what do you expect from the Avatar of Envy?

Of course hes gonna be a bit jealous! He cant compare to any of these characters! Hes not as witty as that eye patch man, hes not as sophisticated as that red head, hes not as flirty as that ara ara either!

As you go on, you notice that Levi was kinda... half listening....

It made you pout, but then, it made you worried

Uh-oh you know that look

its that, ‘im overthinking’ look

So to snap him out of it, you kinda grab his face as gently as you can

“Need Grimm for your thoughts?”

He flushes and he immediately looks away, but you usher him to look at you as you coo and ask him whats wrong

It takes a bit till he kinda explains to you how hes feeling

In your relationship, you both were practicing being more open with each other, hence why you were proud of Levi for saying it

but you did feel kinda sad and frowned as he finishes explaining

“You... feel jealous?”

“Ugh d-dont say it out loud normie....”

He covers his face with his arm and you just cant help but shake your head with a fond smile, but you do need to address this and comfort him.

“Levi... when you fanboy about Ruri chan, did you ever think she was better than me?”

Your question made him frown and look at you in absolute worry

Did you actually think that you were below Ruri chan?

Of course hes an absolute simp for Ruri but.. cmon

Now that he thinks about it, he does talk about her a lot doesnt he? oh no...

“MC O-Of course not! I love Ruri chan yes, but you... I... I Love... you more...” Levi exe do be dying

But you smile at his response and gently kisses his cheek

“I think thats sweet Levi... But thats how I am too... Youre still better than any of these characters, youre real and they arent, youre mine and I am yours~ Youre my personal 5 star!” You wink at him and Levi just dips

his heart couldnt handle the cuteness and he died, ladies and gentlemen

but for real he did pass out

Must be from all the blood on his head from the blush

But ah, he does get it, and after being showered with love from you, He kinda slowly got over his jealousy

its not immediate but with simple reassurances, you can manage to reel him in and have fun with you

He does end up enjoying the game cause he gets to spend time with you, and he gets to show off when events happen 

He also goes out of his way to memorize locations for materials for you, and when youre sick or busy, he pilots your account

true gamer

But ironically enough hed probably start simping for a character too and of course, you both start bonding over that, which just makes Levi absolutely happy

I wonder if hed simp for Barbara, she is an idol afterall like Ruri chan

Probably lowkey for now

Afterall she looks like a minor so-----

( I dunno i searched shes 16-18 lol )

But regardless, I can imagine you both just cosplaying each others fav characters too

Its a wack looking ship cosplay but yall just simp for each other cause of it, its pretty fun but the rest of the brothers just finds it hella weird

----

I only have energy for these 3 as always, Im sorry! But i promise Ill do the rest!! I hope you guys do enjoy, and Id love some feedback on the characters personalities cause I know they can be a bit Ooc, But feel free to send me an ask! Im pretty open lol 〜(￣△￣〜)

[julieselfships]

Redoing my blog since I’ve changed a lot!

What is my blog about/ what do I post?

I’m both a self shipper and an age regressor, so you will commonly see those themes throughout my account. I am also an advocate for mental health, so I will be posting/reblogging things of that nature as well.

Who Am I?

I am Julie (using a fake name to protect my identity), and I’m 15. I use she/they pronouns, and I’m a lesbian. Although my fictional others are heavily male/masculine presenting, I have zero romantic/sexual attraction. Please don’t harass me for having a different preference in fictional men, as this doesnt invalidate my actual sexual orientation.

Who/What are my Fictional Others?

Since I have a long list of fictional others, I will split them up into different catagories.

My Main F/O’s (I feel uncomfortable sharing them, DNI if they’re your romantic F/O, platonic/familial feel free to interact)

- Impey Barbicane (Code:Realize)

- Saint Germain (Code:Realize)

- Denki (My hero academia)

- Kirishima (My hero academia)

- Iida/Tenya (My hero academia)

- Mori Senpai (OHSHC)

- Tamaki Suoh (OHSHC)

- Kyoya Ootori (OHSHC)

Caregiver F/O’s (Dont mind sharing at all!)

- Mori Senpai

- Tamaki Suoh

- Kyoya Ootori

- Impey Barbicane

- Saint Germain

- Flonne (Disgaea Series)

- Killia (Disgaea Series)

… And’s thats about it for my introduction! DNI Below

Please don’t interact with my blog if you’re…

- a proshipper/ship canon adults with canon children

- drama accounts/satire accounts

- an adult/older than 18

- a child/ younger than 15

- anti-agere/variants

- ddlg/abdl/cgl/variants

Have a good day/night wherever you are!

>> Log complete. Would you like to shut down?

>yes< no

[eemamminy-art]

yknow, i dont get you bisexuals. you have a whole twitter dedicated to nsfw yaoi content... you're not a lesbian if you're attracted to males. we aren't attracted to them real or made up. it's how we are wired. you're not a lesbian, you're bi. it's okay to be bi. it's okay to call yourself bi. we are fundamentally different and that's OK.

Three anons in a row! It's pretty funny how mad you are considering you're reading me all wrong.

Yeah I do have a m/m nsfw account. What makes you think I draw nsfw of men for my own enjoyment? You really think I'm drawing it to get off? You must not be an artist yourself. When I see a nude form generally I shut off part of my brain and just observe the form. A lot of artists do this, when for example drawing nude models in the studio. I do, out of my own volition, choose to draw gay male ships at times, but it's not because I'm attracted to either party or wish to be involved somehow. I just relate to homosexual couples and oftentimes there are more opportunities for male characters to have chemistry. And like most artists who make nsfw, I am catering to my audience. It's also why I separated my nsfw accounts, so that I can please one half of my audience without alienating the other.

Which brings us to what I was ACTUALLY venting about last night! I was trying to be vague because I don't want anyone to think I'm mad at them, but let me be explicit. I'm very fond of a particular character. Said character is male, but oh how I wish he were a woman instead. I like to imagine his backstory is the same but as a woman he struggles so much more to succeed and achieve things because he's in a fantasy/medieval society. I was relentlessly bullied on twitter for the last two years over it and called pornsick, cumbrained, "weird and suspicious" for drawing sooo many genderbends of him. It hurt my feelings! But suddenly, people are like "actually what if he was a woman, what if he was a butch" and really getting positive about it! And I'm salty because I feel like all the harassment I got and all the art I made of that particular thing is invisible and it just feels bad.

The ENTIRE issue is that I have been made to feel like I'm gross because I want to change a male character to female, and the reason I want to change him is because I am exclusively attracted to women. Both irl and in fiction! I ship male characters for the relationship intimacy being relatable and pleasant, and the feeling of it being like a safer way to consume homosexual content, and for the fact that male characters have the luxury of being able to interact in media in the first damn place. I would genderbend more gay ships (and het ships for that matter) to lesbian ones if I didn't get so much shit for it, and now I guess I'm being misinterpreted and getting shit anyway!

I'm sure you will go on believing I'm a liar and that's fine. I know how it looks, because I do dare to draw men while not being attracted to them whatsoever. But I know I'm a lesbian and have never, and will never, be attracted to any man whether real or fictional.

[allforbtsu]

Save My Seoul From Comfort | Chapter 1

Ot7 X Reader (eventually)

Summary: With nothing else left from your aunt but debt, you have no other choice but to start working as a prostitude. After all this time of loneliness, you may have found seven boys in the same situation as you who are set on changing all your lives.

Warning: This series might be distressing to some readers as it includes indirect description of sex trafficking and rape. I do not condone any scene that violates Human Rights, this is purely fiction and used to set light on an international issues.

Word Count: 2.8k

Genre: non-idol au, smut, fluff

Prologue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The streets were full of life, people wandering everywhere, entering cafes, bars, and restaurants. It was a warm night, the air smelled of summer and fast food, and as you walked ahead the amount of lights that emanated from the stores gave you a sense of comfort. Contradicting the feeling that you had, feeling as if you had no other choice  tightened your chest, the feeling of no escape, nowhere to run. 

The store you were looking for could be seen from blocks away, luminescent, as if it metaphorically wanted to attract the flies to the fire. And there you were, walking through its doorstep with no other choice, with the necessity to comply with your needs.

Inside it was the complete opposite, the light provided barely allowed you to see the faces of the people, as if it wanted to hide away what was going on in the shadows. Clutching your belongings in one hand and the other tightly hidden in your jacket, you walked straight to the reception of the bar. Your aunt had given you clear instructions on what to do, walk to the reception, tell them your situation, and then they will see what they do with you from there. 

“Hello,” You say awkwardly

The desk was sticky and had every kind of substance stuck into it, there were even some pieces of food on top of it that seemed to have seen better days. Behind it, two young people came and went, a girl and a boy. They took the customers orders and handed them out all at the same time, and in their hurry of keeping up they did not see you there.

“Umm...Hi!,” Your voice went a little bit higher,  the girl looked your way, “Oh, I just wanted…” 

Pressing her hand up in a waiting motion she shut you up. Puffing you sat down in one of the chairs, your backpack pressed to yourself in a comforting manner. Waiting for one of the waiters to help you, you observed the place. Even though it was as dark as it could be, you could see some different scenes going on. 

Some tables were filled with boys not that much older than you, drinking and hollering between each other. Pretty sure their intentions after their meal, go to the back of the building and rent the cheapest girl back there and enjoy her for the night. Some other tables were filled with lonely older men who already had their companions for the night, caressing them and whispering in their ear.

You didn't know how to feel about the situation. You didn't have anywhere to go, no one to go to. Your aunt left a huge debt after her death and now that she's gone, you are the one by default to try and pay it out. Debt caused by the same establishment that you had walked in tonight. Housing debt and prepayment left you with what you have today, a debt that will just keep on growing and won't allow you to do anything else with your life. And you knew that, yet here you were, cause where else to go, what else to do. You didn't have a former education, not more than elementary school at least. It's this or nothing. It's also all that you know, what else would you be good at.

And as you stared uninterestedly to your surroundings a boy's voice brings you back.

“What do you need?” He asked right beside you.

The boy had slick black hair, his eyes were black, and had the fullest lips you had ever seen in your life. He was soft spoken, contradicting the atmosphere. His wide figure did not allow you to see behind him, nor others to see you, it was as if in a sense wanted to protect you from that place. You were more than thankful, for his wide shoulders didn't allow you to see the wandering stares from the people.

“My aunt sent me here, she said you could help” 

The boys stare changed to one of concern, knitting his eyebrows together. His posture was rigid as he stared you down.

“You're no older than eighteen at least”

“I know, but I heard it wasn't a concern here,” You looked at his face, and between his eyes flashed a sense of helplessness. He nodded. 

“Yes...Here, let me take you to the boss,” He let you stand up, “Allow me to take this for you,” He said referring to your backpack.

“Oh no, It's ok. It's not that heavy,” He nodded once again. 

As he turned around and allowed you to follow him, you began to realize that this was actually happening and there was no turning back. He led you through the bars back door, and to your surprise there was a backyard with a long trail leading to the door of another rusty boulding. The night seemed more dark without the luminescent lights of the avenue, it looked trapping. Your hand began shaking, and you noticed that it became a little bit hard to catch your breath. The boy seemed to notice this as he looked back at you three times before he said something.

“My name is Jin, yours?” He smiled warmly. 

You took a big breath before answering, the air getting stuck in your chest.

“y/n, nice to meet you,” You tried to smile, but a grimace came out.

“I know it is not my concern, but the aunt you told me about,” He began opening the door of the building for you, “Does she know you are here?,” He asked as you both entered,  and the first thing that you see is a pair of stairs, two hallways at each of your sides. You looked at him and shook your head timidly. He opened his mouth…

“She died a few day ago”

He closed it rapidly, his eyes widening.

“Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…”

“No no, it's ok. I understand the concern, but I dont have nowhere else to go, and I need a job and a place to stay, and this is the only option that offers both.”

“I understand. I also have nowhere else to go. Here, this way,” He said turning right. “Upstairs are the dorms. As I was saying… I have also nowhere else to go. I have been here for a while actually, maybe a year or so.” 

You nodded as he walked you through the long hallway. The sound of both of your steps resonated in the isolated place. 

“The boss accepts almost everyone that comes, so I guess you won't have a problem. So just know that i'm here if anything happens, ok? This is a rough industry. I won't shame you, I understand what led you here, so don't be afraid to come to me,” He halted.

“Are you also in the industry?”

“Yes and no. I mostly work at the bar, but I take any job the boss tells me to do. I have been rented to go to parties and act as if I was someone's partner, or even once to clean the house of a rich man in only boxers. There's some weird shit out there.”

“So you have never…? You know, had..?”

“Sex? To have sex in exchange of money? Yes, of course. No one escapes from that here. And get used to talking about it, it will take a little bit of the taboo off it. Oh, and here we are”

He said as he pointed behind where you two halted. It was a wood made door, as cheap as it could be, white as the rest of the walls. You stared at it for a few seconds, and turned back to look at Jin, who had a sad smile on his face.

“He's not the sweetest human or earth, nor the kindest, but is the only option you have. He wont do anything to you, I promise. He's just a little bit intimidating. I will be out here for when you finish, yeah?,”

“And the bar?” You asked pointing in the direction.

“I already finished my shift, now go,” He gently pushed you closer to the door.

“Knock” He said under his breath, slowly demonstrating it with his hand. You nodded. 

After knocking softly on the door, you were met with silence. You turned to face Jin once again, but before you could do that, the door was janked wide open. A short but muscly man stood right in front of you, a half shaved mustache on his face and the soulless eyes you had ever seen. 

“Yes?,” His voice sounded rusty, as if he did not wanted to speak at all.

“Hello! My name is y/n. Jin told me you are the boss?,” Silence, “So...I wanted to take up a job here, if it's possible.” 

The man gestured to you inside. Looking behind you Jin nodded at you in comfort, and you went in. The room was as basic as it could be, just one table, two chairs on each side, a cabinet filled with papers and a window, nothing more.

“Take a seat. My name is Park Sunho. Now what exactly are your expectations of this place? Do you know what we do?”

“Yes...My aunt worked here”

That seemed to strike up his interest, as he leaned his body against the table. 

“What was her name?”

“Kim Aeri”

The man nodded and stood up. His back was now turned to you, his hands searching  something frantically on the cabinet. As he turned around, you could see one sack of papers in his hold. His posture was one of an old man, even though he was no more than fifty. His hands shook slightly as he helped himself to sit down again.

“You have debt,” He said uninterestedly, reading the papers he took out.

“Yes, that's why I came,”

“Ok, I'm gonna sign you up and you will be on the market from then on. Usually I will arrange the meetings for you until you get a hang of everything, until then you are under my supervision or one of the other managers.”

You gulped, anxiously realising what is going on. He took another look at the papers, knitting his eyebrows. 

“The debt is several thousands won. I don't know how fast you are gonna be able to clear it out, it depends on how much money you can make me. You have two options”

He left the papers on the table and stared at you, leaning his body forward. 

“You can live in one of the dorms, and not pay rent, but be on constant work hours, or go and rent an apartment somewhere else, which will make you take longer to pay out the debt, due to rent and less working hours, so you tell me.”

Without a second thought you answered.

“I would like to live in one of the dorms, please.”

He seemed pleased, that seemed to be the right answer. 

“Ok, then. I'm gonna sign you up and specify your debt,” He opened a little notebook he had on the side of the desk, and started typing away, “The dorms are actually a room with a bathroom, so you will have to figure out the food thing on your own.  We also don't have many of them, so you will have to share, man, woman, boy, girl, whatever, your luck.”

Your chest tightened even more as you sank down a little on your chair. Feeling helpless as you picked on the skin surrounding your nail.

“Name again?”

“Kim y/n” 

“Right. Usually you also use the dorm to tend a client if they don't call you to meet up somewhere else. And because you are new, I will try to make sure you start working under my roof first. Okay, all set.”

He said standing up, allowing you to do so as well.

“Your dorm is 37B, shared. So good luck.”

You nodded as you headed to the door, desperate to get out and cherish Jin's comfort words, but before you could open the door, he cleared something out.

“If you once mention my work to the authorities, directly or indirectly, I will make sure your debt is tripled and you stay here the rest of your life to pay it out. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir,” You seemed to not be able to inhale any air anymore.

“Now go, Jin will show you the way to the dorm.”

As Sunho opened the door, you could feel his body even closer now. He smelled of dirt, as if he hadn't showered for days, and you were sure his breath almost smelled of the acid scent of alcohol. Jin stood there, facing the door, his stare long lost on the dirty patches on the walls. As he saw you walk out, a smile spread out on his face. 

“Show her to her dorm Jin, it's 37B,” Before anything could be said, Suhon enclosed himself in the room again.

“Let's go,” Jin said, getting himself off the wall.

Putting your backpack with all your belongings on your back once again, you started following him. Down the hallways, up the stairs you went. The first floor already smelled different, there was a mixture of food, sweat and sex. You could hear the sound of fans, the sound of skin slapping, laughs, and if you paid attention to certain doors, there were wails of sorrow.

The dorms already seemed to be set on an alternative reality. Somewhere where nothing matters, where you're from, what you feel, what is your situation. Everything is set on one thing, offering a service and getting money in return, how you do it it doesn't matter. 

Walking up one more set of stairs, on the second floor, two doors to the left, and besides the broken window, Jin stopped.

“Here we are, 37B,” He pointed to the metallic 37B on the door, “I'm actually two floors up, If you ever need anything, 53C. But you can also find me on the bar, almost every night and so. We will run into each other again, I promise.“

You puffed air out of your nose, rubbing your arms in comfort.

“Thank you Jin, really. But...do you know who I'm sharing it with?” You asked pointing to the door.

He shook his head.

“No, sorry. A lot of people come and go. I have my group, I stick to them, I trust them. I promise you will find your people.”

“How will I meet people here?”

Silence.

“Usually when you have to work with them for a client.”

“Oh..”

Jin laughed. His eyes getting smaller and his bread cheeks appearing. His hand brushed against your shoulder. 

“I told you to get used to this. Try to find me when you're assigned your first client, ok?”

Nodding, you bid him goodbye. You didn't want to let him go, finding too much comfort in his presence, mostly in this new environment. Sighting softly, you put your hand on the door handle. Pushing forward once, your body hit against the door, breathing out, you turned the handle stronger and went forward. The door opened this time. 

Inside two beds could be seen and one wardrobe. The walls were white, the paint coming off in some places, humidity tainting them.  But what caught your attention immediately was the figure sitting on the window sill. There sat a boy, not much older than you, staring directly your way. His hair was black, curls in every way, his doe eyes shined under the soft lightbulb hanging from the roof. With his mouth a little bit opened, a little bit of smoke came out, making you aware of the cigarette on his hand. A hand which was covered in tattoos, contrasting the cleaness of his other arm, lackless of ink.  

“You wanna come in?” He asked, leaving his cigarette on a hole in the wall. 

When he stood up to come closer to you, you could see something you hadn't noticed, he was only in his boxers. When he realised your stare, he chuckled timidly and scratched his neck.

“I'm sorry, I didn't expect them to assign me a roommate so soon. I just attended one of my first clients.”

For the first time you observed the unmade bed in the room. Sheets and pillows tousled everywhere, some wet stains on the mattress. When you turned back to look at him, he was blushing even harder.

“Im sorry, I will clean it right away…”

“It's ok, no need to rush. The more we talk about it, the less taboo it is, right?”

The boy seemed to relax a little.

“Right. My name is jungkook, yours?”

“y/n”

He smiled.

“Well let me organize all of this, and you can get comfortable, put your things away and we can get started”

That seemed to startle you.

“Start what?” You softly asked.

“Your training period”

This new life was gonna be harder than you thought. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi everyone! I hope you can enjoy this fic. Please like, roblog, comment, It means the world to me. Thank you so much for reading!🥰

[heron-iles]

Well I’ve been wanting to write this for a long time. This is going to be a long post so I’ll put a “read more”, but for those who are interested, I want to talk about male characters with dresses and how some people turn that into a fetish instead of normalizing it.

Well first of all, we need to talk about yaoi.

We all know what yaoi is, and if you don’t god I wish I were you. Yaoi acordiding to wikipedia is “a genre of fictional media originating in Japan that features homoerotic relationships between male characters. Though it is typically created by women for women and is distinct from homoerotic media marketed to gay men, it attracts a male audience and can be produced by male creators.” I think the definition is problematic enough to know that yaoi isn’t a genre that features and normalize mlm relationships, and it’s more of a genre for women who look for something they think it’s “morbid”.

Well after explaining what yaoi is and how their fans (fujoshis) are, one of the biggest damages to society that yaoi has done is the “uke/seme” or “top/ bottom” dynamic. Yes we all have done “top/bottom” jokes in the past, but we need to be aware of the connotations. This “uke/seme” thing, basically makes a gay relationship into a straight relationship. Let me explain myself, basically we all know that wlw and mlm relationships are different from straight relationships, but what yaoi fans do is, turn those mlm relationships into basically a straight relationship, putting one of the guys into the “woman” role. This is actually wrong in a lot of ways, from the fact that it stablish a dynamic of “strong man” to “soft uwu boy” to the fact that it’s even  mysoginistic. There isn’t a man and a woman in a mlm relationship. There isn’t a man and a woman in a wlw relationship. Please stop trying to reduce every single lgbt+ couple into a man and a woman.

Now that I’ve explained what yaoi is and the problem of the uke/seme relationship, let’s talk about the issue why I’m writing this: dresses.

We all know that, there is still people out there that think that only women can wear dresses. Yeah, probably most of us know that this isn’t true and EVERYBODY can wear a dress if they want, because a piece of cloth shouldn’t be tied to your gender identity. But you know, we would be living in an ideal world if we all tought that. Out there, there are a lot of wrong ways of representing men in dresses, from genderbenders that are transphobic to  putting that male character into a dress but treating him like a “soft uwu I’m baby please senpai not treat me bad” way. Yes, they are men in dresses but, why do you need to give them a completely different personality? Why do you need to draw them in a more feminine way in comparison to others? I mean, art styles are different, maybe your art style is feminine, but when you draw your men with dresses in a different way to your men with pants, maybe, just maybe, you are fetishizing them.

Wait I mean is, yes men can obviously act feminine or have feminine features but what I’m talking is about the intention of drawing them like that. The intention of completely changing the way you treat a character once he has a dress, the intention of changing their personality, the intention of making a joke out of it.

I don’t want to directly name animes or media where you can see men being fetishized because I don’t want to cause any kind of drama directly with any fandom but instead, I will talk about a character that represents in a good way the concept of “dresses are not assigned to gender”.

Here you have Shirayuki Fuuma, he is an idol from the idol unit Dolce (from honeyworks). I only read the manga once and there are better people in the fandom to talk about him, but he is a boy who wears dresses for his idol persona. He isn’t forced, it’s his own decision (talking specially about this because most of the bad ways or representing men in dresses have somethin to do with being forced) and most important, it’s treated with respect. With respect, I’m not only refering to in universe, I’m also talking outside of the canon. Fuuma wasn’t created with the intention of being a joke. Fuuma wasn’t created as a way to attract fujoshis, Fuuma wasn’t created as an “uwu soft boy in a dress”. Fuuma was created just like any other character. 

I haven’t found good full body pictures of Fuuma without his idol clothes, but here you have a comparison just to show how you can draw a man with a dress without changing anything more than the clothes. (also, one thing I forgot to say, Fuuma also wears dresses outside of concerts).

As you can see, everything is the same, the only difference is the clothes!! But the character is treated with respect!!

There are a lot of characters like him, but some of them are a bit problematic. With problematic I’m not talking about the character, I’m actually talking about the miscommunication between the creator and the fandom. Sometimes creators are lazy, or it isn’t clear if they are trying to be inclusive, or it is a joke. This is when fandom wars happen, because some people headcanon the character as something but other people don’t.

Have you heard about transcoding? Is basically gaycoding but with trans people. Characters who in media are presented as cis, or even say that they are cis but, you can see that there is a subtext there, a subtext that makes you think that they are trans and maybe the creators were not able to make that canon (or they were dumb and wanted to make a cis character, but they didn’t realize the subtext they were creating). This starts a lot of wars in fandoms, the headcanon that someone has against the "canon”. I’m only bringing this up to say two things.

1- Please people have headcanons, shut up if you don’t like it, you don’t need to make a post saying “X IS NOT TRANS BECAUSE LOOK AT THIS SCREENSHOT”

2- Headcanons are valid!!! But never forget that clothes doesn’t have gender, so don’t assume that just because a guy wears a dress or a girl wears boyish clothes they are trans (but I repeat, headcanons are valid!! What I’m trying to say here is that you don’t need these cases of people wearing the clothes of their opposite gender to say they are trans, literally every character can be headcanonned as trans!)

At first, I wasn’t going to talk about this, but I remember the constant wars with characters like Chihiro from Danganronpa or Forrest from Fire Emblem Fates and I thought it was important to talk about this. Headcanons are always valid until they are offensive towards others, so stop creating wars around headcanons.

I can’t actually think about anything more to talk about so long story short, men can wear dresses, dont’ fetishize men wearing dresses, with men I mean ALL men (I’m looking directly at you terfs) and fuck everyone if you like a headcanon it’s your headcanon don’t let people invalidate it.

[writerbyaccident]

Bound and Bonded (Lemon Yandere ErasermicxReader)

Request: so i would never want to get pregnant irl but fictional breeding kink just does something to me. that said can you write an ot3 of yandere erasermic + reader where they dont care which one of them is the father but there is going to be a child

I feel ya, that’s the fun of fantasies

Trigger Warning: nswf, dubcon, pregnancy/breeding kink

           As soon as the two of captors got home, you knew what was going to happen. Hizashi was never exactly subtle, especially with the way that he was eyeing you up at the moment, as if he was contemplating whether he could make you scream even louder than he could. But even Aizawa (definitely the more muted of the two) was giving off certain signals, staring at you while fiddling with his scarf, no doubt anxious to tie you to the headboard of the bed they made you share with them. Still, they managed to hold themselves back for a moment, even though a part of you just wished that they would just get it over with. You knew what was coming, after all, and the wait only made you more afraid of the inevitable.

           “Hey!” Hizashi exclaimed. “Looks like our favorite listener waited up for us! Isn’t that a sweet tune, babe?”

           “Yeah,” Aizawa answered, a small part of him worried that you were up so late. But still, he couldn’t deny the thrill it gave him to see you staring at him with wide-eyes while in the pajamas he had bought just for you. “Sorry we’re so late. Emergency call. Hope we didn’t worry you.”

           “I just couldn’t sleep,” you said, not wanting them to think you had actually been concerned about them. But you should have known by now, you supposed, that nothing you said or did could actually reach them. At your words, Hizashi gave an overly bright grin, practically humming with excitement, while Aizawa smiled almost softly, although the lust in his eyes giving him away.

           “Aw, don’t worry doll,” Hizashi replied with uncomfortable eagerness. “We can help ya get to sleep. Can’t we, babe?”

           “Of course,” Aizawa murmured, already taking off his scarf. As he approached you with it in his hands, you clenched your fists but didn’t move. You knew from experience that you had no hope whatsoever of fighting them off. Even if it was just one of them it would have been nearly impossible, but with both pro heroes there was no chance at all. So rather than yell or thrash around as Hizashi slipped your top off or as Aizawa bound your wrists together, lifting them over your head and tying them to the headboard, you simply avoided their eyes. As much as you hated it though, you couldn’t deny the slight tendril of excitement twitching within you, eager for the chance to just be fucked senseless and forget.

           The moment you were securely bound, both Hizashi and Aizawa stepped away from you, beginning to take their own clothes off. They helped each other strip, moving slowly and sensually, both for themselves and for you. Despite everything, you thought begrudgingly as you watched Aizawa kissing his lover’s neck tenderly while Hizashi pulled down his fellow hero’s boxers, you had to admit that both men were extremely attractive. Their years of hero work had granted their muscles clear definition, giving them both a sense of quiet power. Taking just another minute, Aizawa and Hizashi stroked each other a few times, determined to have themselves properly ready for you. Then, the two of them moved forward, Hizashi crawling on top of you so that he straddled your waist while behind him Aizawa tugged your bottoms off almost gently.

           Leaning forward, Hizashi met his lips with yours, at first just brushing them against each other. But the small taste only served to sharpen his hunger, causing him to then grind his mouth against yours with bruising force. Lips heating from the desperate friction, you soon joined in, the heated sensations drawing you away from your present circumstances. Meanwhile, Aizawa began stroking your folds with his calloused fingers, expertly switching from gentle to rough at a moment’s notice. Kneading your cunt harshly with a few of his fingers, he suddenly grazed your clit with one of his remaining free ones, applying just enough pressure to have your hips twitching. The touch was more teasing than anything else, reminding your body of what it wanted while refusing to give it. You could feel Hizashi’s lips grinning against your neck even while he nipped and sucked, moving his hips downward so that his erection was grinding against your entrance. Subconsciously, a whine escaped your throat.

           “I think our sweetheart is making a request,” Hizashi moaned to his boyfriend. “I think it’s bout time to play the top hit, what’d you think?”

           “You’re right,” mumbled Aizawa. “You can start.” Twisting around, Hizashi kissed Aizawa passionately, thanking his lover for letting him go first. You closed your eyes, ready for the both of them to use you until all you could remember was their skin against yours. But as soon as the tip Hizashi’s cock began to nudge its way into you, you realized something.

           “Wait!” you cried out. “What about protection?” Even from the very beginning, when your captors had first brought you to their home, they had never fucked you without a condom. Neither of them answered you at first, instead exchanging a knowing look between themselves, but when you started to squirm away from them, they paused.

           “Well,” Aizawa began, “the two of us were talking earlier… and we know it’s a big step and everything, but we think you’re ready.”

           “Ready for what?” you asked anxiously.

           “Ready to bear our children. We want to have a family with you, see a part of ourselves grow within you.”

           “And we know that you’ll be a great parent,” Hizashi added reassuringly while starting to grind against you once more. “I can imagine you now, belly all swollen, showing the whole world who you belong to.” Aizawa hummed in agreement to that, leaning down to kiss your thighs. You, however, were frozen in shock. You had obviously known that the two of them were insane, but somehow you never imagined them taking things this far.

           “But I don’t want to have your kids!” Once the words left your mouth, you flinched, already anticipating their reaction.

           “Aw, it’s okay to be nervous, sweetheart,” Hizashi said soothingly.

           “But we’ll be with you every step of the way,” Aizawa insisted, something dark flashing in his eyes when he spoke, so that you weren’t sure if he meant that more as a promise or a threat. With the way he now gripped your thighs though, you were fairly sure he was warning you to acquiesce quietly. Recognizing that neither of them would listen even if you did continue to protest, you fell silent. But still, you couldn’t help the tears that began to pool in your eyes. As soon as Aizawa spotted the tears starting to slip down your cheeks, he leaned over towards you (Hizashi making room for him) gently kissing your tears away. His stubble brushed against your skin, bringing even more heat to your face. Dragging his tongue across your cheeks to catch the last of your tears, Aizawa then backed away, letting his lover take charge.

           Hizashi lowered his face down to where yours rested against the headboard, kissing you surprisingly sweetly while driving his cock into you. Even though you were wet, the force of it all still made you whimper in both discomfort and satisfaction at feeling so full. Thrusting in and out of you slowly, Hizashi moaned deeply, already picturing stuffed full with his and Aizawa’s children. That image compelling him to move faster, he ran his hands from your bound wrists, along your arms, down to your stomach, rubbing it tenderly. While he continued to move within you, Aizawa took turns stroking your clit and Hizashi’s cock. Feeling the heat swelling in you, stretching you closer to your breaking point, you arched your back as Hizashi’s length reached even deeper inside of you, twitching fervently. Aizawa, realizing that the two of you were so close to climaxing, quickened his ministrations. Caressing the one part of Hizashi’s dick that wasn’t inside of you with his fingers, he brought his thumb to your clit and massaged it relentlessly. Between that and the way Hizashi was currently pounding into you, it wasn’t long until the heat broke over you, leaving you trembling in its wake. Hizashi soon followed, groaning as he unloaded a mass of his seed into you. Resting his forehead against yours, Hizashi panted in exhaustion, stroking your wrists softly. Arms sore from the way you were tied up, you rolled your shoulders a few times to try to obtain some sort of comfort.

           Once some of your energy had returned to you, you began to back away deeper into the pillows in an attempt to separate yourself from Hizashi. But before you could make much progress, Aizawa was clutching your hips firmly.

           “Not yet,” he told you. “We can’t let any of it go to waste.”

           “He’s right, sweetheart,” Hizashi agreed. “We can’t risk it.”

           “You did incredibly though,” Aizawa murmured, looking at you fondly as he pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s shoulder. “So take this moment to rest, get your strength back up.”

           “What?” you mumbled, still dazed, the warmth of Hizashi’s cock still inside of you not helping that fact. “Why?”

           “Cause,” Hizashi chuckled, “we can’t just let this be a one-hit wonder. If we want to start a family we can’t just stop after one time.”

           “But why now?”

           “So Shouta can have his chance,” Hizashi explained patiently, “We don’t really care whose seed you end up taking, but it’s only fair for both of us to get an opportunity, dontcha think?” Shutting your eyes tightly, you tried to keep yourself from crying again. You were exhausted, all you wanted to go was crawl under the covers and sleep. And the fact that they were so determined made you realize how small your chances of not getting pregnant were. Before long, you felt Hizashi begin to slide out of you, placing one last kiss on your stomach as he did so. They didn’t give you time to rest though, Aizawa immediately taking Hizashi’s place straddling you.

           Once he had gotten settled into his new position, Aizawa brought his mouth down to your breasts, starting off by kissing them softly. He clearly had more energy than you though, showing it by sucking the sides of your breasts roughly. Eyes still closed, you felt rather than saw when he took your nipple into his mouth, swirling it with his tongue until it hardened. As he worked on your upper body, Hizashi worked on reviving your lower body. Much like Aizawa did the first time, he now caressed your weary but still-wet cunt. Oversensitive and overstimulated, it didn’t take much before you could feel your hips begin to twitch and your cunt begin to pulse again. Too eager to keep waiting, Aizawa took your body’s response at face value, grinding his hardened cock against your entrance no more than a few times before sinking it inside of you. You shrieked as he did, but Aizawa eagerly pressed his lips to yours, slipping in his tongue and swallowing your scream. Twisting your tongue with his, the solemn hero gripped your wrists, squeezing them roughly with each of his thrusts.

           “You’re doing so well,” he growled into your ear. “And soon you’re going to be stuffed full, swollen with our children. You’re going to look so beautiful.” With each word that he spoke the image became clearer in his head, driving him forward more desperately. He needed to claim you in this last, most pronounced way. Hizashi, meanwhile, regaining some of his energy from the mental picture, lapped up the sweat now forming on Aizawa’s back and shoulders. The feeling of his lover’s tongue on him and your walls clenching around him, Aizawa could feel the end approaching. He wasn’t about to leave you unsatisfied though, not when you had been docile and submissive, so he moved one his hands from your wrists down to your aching cunt, kneading your clit harshly until you worried it might bleed. But before that could happen, the heat tightened around your core once more, orgasm tearing through you as white burned behind your eyes. Your walls clenched around Aizawa’s cock, pulling his own orgasm from him with ease. Hot ropes of cum filling you, you sagged against the pillows, breathing heavily. On either side of your neck, both Aizawa and Hizashi nuzzled you, murmuring about how perfect things would be soon.

[pakidyke]

I’ve been struggling for a while to figure out whether I’m bi or lesbian (mostly bc of past experiences) and I was venting to my best friend last night about it and she pointed out I have never once - despite dating 3 guys and w one of them for 4 yrs - did I ever say I found any of them attractive. Then reminded me I watched ep 1 of the Witcher and could not shut up about Renfri for a solid 2 hours. Not the first time it’s happened. I’m an oblivious dolt and I think I’m just gay

ugh god comp het is a Killer!! i struggled w that too.. even just thinking i had crushes on guys 

but yeah its funny how much fictional characters can be like.. a huge prompting in realizing ur sexuality 

embarrassing as it is i realized i was a lesbian bcus of how much i a) loved tracer and b) cared about ppl erasing her identity. smth clicked and i was like.. ohhh thats why i feel so personally attached to this 

i ofc cant tell u what ur sexuality is! but if u dont actually feel attraction to men u might be a lesbian..... and like past experiences dont erase the truth of who we are. so so many lesbians have had experience with men and plenty of bi women spent time believing they were lesbians 

also renfri is 😳😳 she deserved better

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

That Girl Will Never Be Mine (Taehyung x You ONESHOT)

A/N: I always feels Tae is a possesive lover too. I always feel that because he is so good looking and also an incredible person, he (or people) might think that he will get whoever he likes but I think he will somehow fall in love with a girl who didnt fall for him at first sight like most and had to actually work to get her. So, I love your idea of "shes so beautiful, she has a lot of suitors" because a little competition andd a jealous tae? Well, that sounds like a plotline to me ❤ and I am sorry if this is not my best work

Also,this is inspired by this  drabble with the same title. You can read the drabble here first or just continue reading this story 💜

MASTERLIST

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here and you are in no way obligated to do it but if any of you like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

Taehyung waves off to the screaming fans one last time before the stage recline down, hiding all seven members from the crowd, his face etches from smiling.

"Good job guys! Another successful show, I am proud of you," Namjoon patted each of their backs and ruffles Jungkook's hair before bowing and thanking the rest of the staff, crew and their team for another successful concert in their tour. The other six members, including Taehyung did the same and retreats back to the dressing room, slumping hinself on the chair. Taehyung took out his phone as the others starts chit chatting, discussing about whether they should take a shower now of wait until they are back in their hotel room while some are already removing their makeup and changing out of their stage outfits. Taehyung glanced at his phone.

Of course.

Dozens of texts and misscalls, hundreds of notifications, but none from that one person that he actually want to hear from.

None from Y/N.

Taehyung lets out a frustrated sigh as he scrolls emotionlessly through the texts.

"Oh wow, hyung got a lot of booty calls," Jungkook laughs as he reads Taehyung's text over his shoulder. "Baby, call me after your concert. Taetae, my room number is 801, Tae, remember me?" Jungkook read the texts in a girly voice, mimicking the flocks of girls who left the texts.

"Shut up brat," Taehyung roll his eyes and tossed the phone on the dressing table.

"Why are you so grumpy? Maybe you should take on one of those invitation then, to ease up a little hyung," Jungkook laughs and went over to his station.

"No thanks. Not interested,"

"Kookie, you should know by now Tae is only interested in girls who is not interested in him," Namjoon laughs out loud. Taehyung glares at the leader through the mirror.

Fine, make fun of him. He dont care.

"Why is it so hard to even reply to any of my texts? I left her multiple before we started the show!" Taehyung grumble.

"Shes just not interested in you Tae. Wake up already!" Jimin chimes in. "Dont you ever think that you didnt see her because shes practically hiding from you? Shes not interested, move on already,"

"She might not be now, but I'll make sure she will be mine soon enough," Taehyung greeted his teeth with determination.

"We just finished a good show. A bunch of girls just passed out because you look their way and Y/N is the first thing you can think about?"

"Shes always what I'm thinking about Chim! I dont care how many girls want me, all I want is her. Urghh, what is it about me that she hates so much anyway?" Taehyung leans towards the mirror and examine himself. Why wont Y/N like him? What is he lacking? "Thats it, I'm calling her!"

"Suit yourself. We all know theres no point in stopping you anyway," Jimin shrugged and walks away.

Taehyung immediately reached out for his phone that he tossed earlier and press speed dial number one.

Mine ❤

After a few rings, Y/N picks up. Well, she kind of have to. They are friends. Its not weird for her to answer his calls  Although Taehyung wants nothing more than to be more than friends ever since he met her that first day BigHit sent him and Jimin to their new highschool. Just a shy, absolutely beautiful, art student. Taehyung who was usually easy going and friendly suddenly turned tounge tied when hes around her, but someway, some how, he managed to be friends and the two of them and a few other friends become a whole group of besties. That was way back, and what Taehyung hope to only be a highschool crush develop into a full on feeling of in love.

Kim Taehyung is in love with Y/N, and its either she didnt know it or pretended that she doesnt.

"Hello? Y/N?" The line was noisy on the other side. Is she outside? If she does, with who? Not with men right? Why didnt she tell him shes going out? He texted her all the time to tell her what hes doing. Eating, praticiting, shooting, recording, everything!

"Tae? Taehyung! Hiiii! I thought you are busy on tour! Why are you calling?" Y/N's voice sounded chirpy, and it immediately melts his heart. All thoughts of anger melted away. Thats how big of an impact Y/N has on him.

"The concert just finished..." he grins. Baby. Urghh he wanted so bad to say those words to her, to call her that, but he knows he cant. Y/N only sees him as a friend. For now. "Didnt you read any of my texts?" he questioned out loud, wandering why didnt be received any reply from her.

"Oh sorry Tae. I'm outside with the gang and I didnt expect you to call, or text me, since you are on tour and all," Y/N giggles. "Oh my god, you should have seen Jae hyun! What he did was so funny! He-"

"Why is it so noisy? Iant it late at night there? Are you at a bar? Are you out drinking? Since when do you even drink?! When are you coming home?" Taehyung cuts her off, not interested to know about Jae Hyun or any other guy for that matter, especially one that is making her laugh. He should be the only one who makes her laugh!

"Well, the gang are. You know I dont drink Tae," Y/N giggles. "Why are you calling?"

Her question turn Taehyung's mood turned sour immediately. Here he is, missing her like crazy even in the middle of tour, in the mjddle of a super busy schedule and she dont even bother to read his text on the account of being outside having fun with some guy? Sure, Jae Hyun is one of his bestfriends too. In fact, he is sure Y/N is hanging out with their usual gang, but its not fair how they are outside living their normal life with Y/N and he is here, stuck performing. He wants to go out with Y/N too!

Yeah, people say hes lucky. To be debuting, to have a great career and awesome brothers as his band members and sure, Taehyung is happy and grateful too. But if only Y/N is his, then his life would be perfect. Y/N and him used to be the closest duo in their group but all that changes after he debuted. Packed, busy schedules take his time away from his friends, and Y/N and little by little they drifted apart, and now, with his packed schedule all year round, he dont know if he can recreate the closeness between him and Y/N again. Oh, how he wished his longing and feelings for her dissapeared just like their closeness.

Its true what Jungkook said. He can have his pick from the various girls in his phonebook, but none of them can even come close to how Y/N makes him feel.

"I'm just calling my best friend. Is that wrong?" Taehyung snapped. "If that best friend bothered to checked and replied my texts, hundreds of them, I wouldnt have to call now would I?"

"Tae... I'm sorry. I really didnt noticed, and I was just asking," Y/N's sighed sadly. "Why are you angry at me? Please dont be ang-"

"Just forget it! Have fun with the boys!" Taehyung angrily hangs up the call, huffing.

He knows he shouldnt be mad. Heck, he has no right to be mad, they are friends, and Y/N is not obligated to reply lr answer his calls if she didnt want to, but thats how it always is. He got angry when he thinks about how she is fine without him. He gets mad when he thinks about every second shes with someone else and not him. He didnt talk to any of his friends for a month once when Y/N has a boyfriend for two weeks before.

Afterall, he is Kim Taehyung. Theres nothing he hates more than what he cant have. and right now, thats Y/N.

/////

Y/N sighed and slipped her phone back in her bag.

"Is that your boyfriend?" Her best friend giggles, knowing how uncomfortable Y/N will be when she calls Taehyung that.

"He is not my boyfriend!" Y/N denies quickly. "But yes, its Taehyung,"

"I really dont get you Y/N. Kim Taehyung wants you. The Kim Taehyung! And you rejects him? Boy, you are really something else," her friend shakes her head. "The best friend turned idol slash international superstar and still madly in love with the best friend from high school only happens in fan fictions Y/N, and yet here you are. Happening right to you, and you rejected him? What is so wrong with Taehyung anyway?" She looks straight into Y/N's eyes trying to find and answer. When she find none, she shrugs. "Just, I dont know, think about it okay? Maybe its not such a bad idea, to be with him,"

"What are you even talking about? Taehyung is my best friend. Our, best friend," Y/N looks at her in disbelief. All of them hangs out together since they were teenagers doing homework together, its not possible for Taehyung to likes her. Especially now when he practically owna the world. Most of their friends had said that Taehyung harbour feelings for her, but that couldnt be true right? They are just friends. Have been for a long time even before Taehyung debuted. Sure, he was a trainee when they met and Y/N enjoyed being his friend. Sure, they were the closest duo before, maube Taehyung is a bit fond of her rather thab the others, but in love? Y/N chuckle to herself. It cant be.

She cant deny that Taehyung is really good looking, funny, charming, attractive and owns all the others positive things about him. and at one point in their friendship, she did have a crush on him. The two of them were so close when they first met. They did everything together, they are the typical high school bestfriends that are inselarable. But after Taehyung debuted.. well, thats when things starts to change for them. Is it his busy schedule or is it his changing attitude now that he is an idol that makes them drift apart, she cant tell, but one thing is for sure, the feelings she thinks she had before has dissapeared.

"Yeah, a friend. To us, not to you Y/N. I am pretty sure he wants to be more than that," Soo Young grins.

"No he doesnt! You know Tae is nice! He treat all his friends nicely," Y/N shrieks, but she knows its no point. They jabe had this argument a million times before.

"He is nice but I dont see hundreds of text from him in my inbox. Or sudden anger when I hang with a bunch of guys," she smirks. "Just face it will ya? Kim Taehyung loves you, and definitely more than just a friend,"

"Stop it Soo Young, he does not!" Y/N tries to deny it, but looking at the text Taehyung just sent her, Y/N got a feeling that somehow maybe her friend is right.

I'm sorry for snapping at you Y/N. I am just tired with tour and I miss you. I miss you very much and it just.. you know.. affect my mood. I'll call you early tomorrow morning okay?

Xoxo, Tae

/////

Taehyung woke up early the next morning, which is unusual for him, especially the morning after a full blown concert. But sleep is not an option when all he can think about is Y/N and how he unnecessarily snapped at her last night. Granted, he did this so many times already. His jealousy always takes over and he always ended up snapping at her, which leave him with a big sense of regret later.  But he just cant control himself. Taehyung just wants Y/N all for himself.

Sure, he sent her a text saying sorry. And he waited for hours for her reply. Just a simple OK would do, but none. Y/N didnt reply anything. Is she that mad at him? Did his jealousy finally blew his relationship, if there was even any, over?

Taehyung sighed and ran his hand through his hair before reaching up for his phone.

1 new message.

With excitement and sheer hope, Taehyung quickly click it open, hoping and praying that it would be Y/N.

And sure it is, there, the name he waited so all night to grace his screen appeared.

Mine ❤

Even better, it wasnt just a text, but a photo. A photo of her beautiful face smiling at the camera, which looks like shes inside a plane, with a ticket held up covering half her face, showing the destination. Taehyung scrolled down to read the caption, heart racing.

Sorry Taetae, I fell asleep lastnight the moment I got home. Me and the gang are on our way to you ❤ we are attending your tour! Surprise! See you in a few hours.

Is this reall happening? Shes not angry at him. She coming to see him!

Y/N is coming to see him perform! Taehyung grins widely to himself, letting out a deep chuckle without realizing. He has never felt this happy in his whole life.

Y/N is coming to see him! Nevermind that shes coming with the whole gang, that part was long forgotten by Taehyung already. This is finally going to be the best tour ever!

/////

"Hey Tae, I think your schoolnates are here. They managed to pushed through and be at the front," Hoseok turns back to Taehyung after peeking through the curtain from the backstage. Its minutes to their concert for that night, at the crowd is packed, expected of another sold out concert, but Taehyung cant seems to stop talking about how his "gang" from school is coming tonight, so Hoseok cant resist but to give it a peak.

"Hobi, I think you got it wrong. Tae doesnt care about his friends. What matters is, is Y/N there?" Namjoon chuckles as Taehyung gives him a glare.

"Yah, I care about both my friends and Y/N hyung. Okay fine, I care about Y/N a little more," he grins. "Is she there Hobi-hyung?"

"Cant see really clearly, but I think so, yes Tae," Hoseok rolls his eyes. All of the boys knows what Y/N looks like by now. Well, they should, with how much Taehyung talks about her, showing her pictures to them. "This is going to be the best show you will ever give dont you Kim Taehyung?" Hoseok smirks.

"What are you even talking about?" Taehyung shrugs, feigning ignorance. "I always give my best performance hyung,"

"Yeah?" Hoseok looks at the younger man, who is grinning from ear to ear and laughs. "If you say so Tae. But I can tell tonight is going to be better," he chuckles.

Its obvious to everyone, Kim Taehyung is absolutely whipped by his own classmate. A girl who he will never get.

/////

Taehyung felt giddy all over. He cant wait to start. He have all this energy in him and he just cant stop smiling. This is the first time Y/N actually came and see him perform live. Sure, she and the gang has watched his performances on tape and videos before, but shes right here, in front of him, at the front row of his concert. There might be thousands filling up the stadium tonight, but Taehyung already knows that his eyes will only be seeing one person throughout the night.

/////

His eyes search the crowd the moment they entered the stage, followed by a huge roar of shouts and applause from the crowd. But nothing can distract him from locking his eyes on Y/N tonight. He expects to see her looking at him, smiling and waving, cheering him on, fueling his energy and passion more, but what did he see?

Y/N is not even looking at the stage.

In fact, shes busy talking, no, giggling, like a school girl in front of their crush with some guy who is standing beside her.

What the actual hell?

Taehyung is pretty sure he dont know him. He must be some random fan attending the concert. But why is he obviously flirting with his girl? Just like what he intended to do, Taehyung cant stop keeping his eyes of them, although its more glaring at the two of them rather than looking at Y/N now. And seriously, those two just wont stop laughing and talking. Why does this always happen? Why does she have to be so freaking beautiful? Attracting guys anywhere she went?! Taehyung growls to himself.

This is not a coffee shop for them to have a date! Its a damn concert.

So watch the damn concert already!

"Tae!" Namjoon hissed at him backstage as the 6 of them retrieve back to give space for Jungkook's solo. "What the hell is going on?"

"What do you mean hyung?" Taehyung sighed and plop down on one of the couches, gulping down a bottle of water  . He knows exactly what Namjoon is talking about, but there is no way he is going to admit that.

"Oh please, you know exactly what I am talking about. Keep your head in the show Tae. And stop screwing up!" Namjoon huffed and walked away. Taehyung sighed. He knows he should focus on the show, its only for two hours, but how can he when the girl of his dream is right in front of him, and shes not even looking at him?

Taehyung tried to concentrate for the rest of the show, but failed miserably. He missed a lot of the cheography, accidentally hit the other members on stage, causing them to stumble and even forget a few of the lyrics. All the while, glaring and shooting daggers at Y/N and the guy's direction. Sure, his fans thinks its cute and assume that its part of the performance, some even say Taehyung is giving off an angry vibe which is considered hot and sexy, but the other members knows better and by the end of the show, all of them shakes their head and shot him a look of dissapointment.

Taehyung sighed, dissapointed at himself for letting a girl mess with his head as he takes off his makeup and change out of his stage costumes.

"Taetaeeee! Your performance is amazing!"

Taehyung whipped his head around to see the girl that is haunting his life  smiling and beaming cheerfully at him. Shit, how can he forgot he invited her to backstage later. He even offered to take Y/N out for coffee after the show and send her home and why is it he suddenly feel his anger start to dissapear just from aeeing her face?

No, keep your ground Taehyung. She should know what she did!

"Really?" Taehyung snickered. "How can you know?"

"Huh? What do you mean Tae?" Y/N took a step forward and looks at him with confusion.

"You said my performance is great. How did you even know? You are so busy selling yourself to some guy you just met!" Taehyung is full of anger now that the image of the two of them flashes back into his mind.

"What? Taehyung. Why are you saying things like this? He is just a new f-"

"I dont want to hear it," Taehyung raised a hand to stop her. "Know what, just go home Y/N. Im tired and Im going to have some rest," Taehyung starts to pick up his bag and start to walk out but Y/N held back his hand.

"Tae, whats wrong? You said we can go out to coffee to catch up or something remember?"

"Do you think I'm in the mood to have coffee right now Y/N?!" Taehyung pulls backs his hand aggressively.  "Just go home! Ill see you later,"

"But Tae. I-"

"Just go. Bye," without listening to another word from Y/N, Taehyung walks out, slamming the door behind him, missing what Y/N said next.

"But Tae.. I have asked everyone else to go back and I have no way to go home now.." Y/N sighed and slowly makes her way out into the dark night, figuring her way back to her hotel and why Taehyung is acting that way.

/////

"Where are you going hyung?" Jungkook stretches on the couch and look at Taehyung whos wearing his jacket, ready to go out.

"I am having lunch with all my friends who came to the show last night. Ill be back before dinner. See you Kookie," Taehyung gives a small give, which is reciprocate by Jungkook and start the small walk towards the restaurant they had booked.

His mind starts to reel back to the night before. He immediately went to bed when he reached the hotel last night. When he wakes up today there was no message or misscall from Y/N. What does he expect? He is the one who rudely asks her to leave, she wouldnt be textiing him to ask him how he is doing. He should be the one doing that. Until when will he realized that he has no right to get jealous and even when he does, Y/N wont understand why.

Taehyung sighed.

Y/N's surprise and sad face from last night filled his mind again. Is he too mean? He picks up his pace, wanting to see her faster. She will be at the restaurant right? She wouldnt bailed on their group lunch just because shes mad at him.

Entering the restaurant, Taehyung spotted the long table filled with the familiar faces of his friends, laughing among one another. His eyes grazed each seat but Y/N is no where in sight.

"Oh Tae! Come on over!" One of his friends who noticed him spacing out at the door calls him in, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Theres our superstar! Good show yesterday," another slapped his back and motioned for him to sit. Taehyung gives out polite smiles before asking the question he dreadfully want the answer to.

"Wheres Y/N?"

"Y/N? Oh you didnt know? She has a high fever. she was caught up in the heavy rain last night," Soo Young answered and eyed him skeptically. "Arent you with her? I thought you two went for coffee?"

"Wait. Fever? Rain?" The question immediately went passed him. All he can think about is how Y/N is sick right now. "Arent you guys together? Why are you guys all okay?"

"Together?" Soo Young raised an eyebrow. "But she told us to go on home first to meet you backstage. She said you are taking her out to catch up and you are going to send her home?"

"What? She-"

"Are you telling me you let her went back alone? In the middle of the night? In a city she never been to before?" Jae Hyun interrupt from the other end of the table. Just the fact that Jae Hyun is concerned and also he himself is looking like a real jackass right now sets Taehyung on fire.

"Shut up. Just.. where is her hotel?"

"Why?" Jae Hyun glares. Taehyung ignores him and turns to Soo Young. After a few seconds of intimidating glare and Y/N's whereabouts in his hand, he quickly say goodbye and ran off in her direction.

Good job Kim Taehyung. Not only did you get angry at you dream girl for no reason at all. You snapped at her, insulted her,left her alone, and you even make her sick. Great, fucking job. Maybe the boys are right, Y/N will never be yours.

/////

"T-tae?" Y/N open her tired eyes to feel the wet cloth on her forehead only to be met with Taehyung's handsome face etched with worry, looking over her.

"Hey.. you are awake. How are you feeling?" He smile. A smile so beautiful that Y/N cant helped but smile back, although in her heart she is still deeply hurt by his action last night.

"Why are you here? How do you know where I am staying? Is this a dream?"

Taehyung laugh. Oh Y/N, how can anyone be this adorable?

"No, you are definitely not dreaming princess. I am here and I am going to nurse you back to health,"

"Okay, I am dreaming. You are calling me princess, thats weird," Y/N laughs. Taehyung realizes what he had slipped and give back a small smile.

"Just take a rest okay? Your temperature is going down, you will be better soon. I have also ordered you food. Ill feed you. Lets eat okay?" Taehyung helped her sits up and starts feeding her slowly. There is nothing he wont give to take care of Y/N like this every single day. Why cant she just let him?

"Thanks Tae. You really shouldnt have. You really are the best friend in the world," Y/N smiles as she keeps eating the food. Taehyung swallow the bitter truth and give her a small smile. Best friends. Of course, thats all he will ever be.

"Y-yeah of course. What are best friends for right?" He smile and swallow before uttering his next words. "Hey Y/N?"

"Yeah Tae?"

"I am really sorry about what I said to you last night. I dont have any right to get mad at you. And to leave you walking home alone? That is j-"

"Hey, dont worry about it Tae," Y/N smiles and patted his hand. "You must be tired and there I was yapping away aboit coffee and wanting to catch up," she giggles. "Sometimes I forgot that you are this huge world star now, always busy. You are no longer the same boy who is always around walking me home from school, buying ice cream on the way,"

Taehyung kept quiet. He didnt know why her words hurt him so much. Is that what she thinks of him all this while? That he has become too big to even hang out with his best friends? Is that why she is never interested in him, not at all?

"Y/N.. is that what you thought? All this while?" Taehyung look at her face, looking for answers.

"Well.. yeah. Isnt it? I mean, I know you are busy. Arent you?"

"Well, yes. But not-"

"Maybe someday when you finally have free time. Maybe 100 years from now," she giggles more at her own joke, " we can finally catch up. We can bring my children to an amusement park or something,"

Taehyung clenched his fist tight. He knows shes just joking around, but now he cant stop imagining Y/N happily married to some guy, with their kids running around. Oh hell no, he is never going to let that happen. Y/N is his, and he will make sure of it even if its the last thing he needs to do.

"Why wait a 100 hundred years then?" Taehyung flashed her his infamous smile.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you say, if your fever is better of course, that we go out to the amusement park tomorrow? Just us two? I heard they have a big one nearby. And we have an off day this whole week. So what say you?" Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes.

Y/N looks at him and a smile alowly crept up her face.

"Its a date,"

/////

"You are going to a god damn amusement park Tae, why are you fussing with your clothes so much?!" Jimin huffed for the hundred time as Taehyung rumnage through their closet for the thousand times.

"Chim, I told you. She said it herself! Its a date. A freaking date! I need to look good! God why is everything so ugly?! We dont have time to shop for bew clothes. I an doomed!" Taehyung sighed and slumped down on his bed, buried by a pile of clothes, frustrated.

"I think Y/N only meant it as a matter of speaking..." Jimin mumbled, because he knows its no point explaining it to someone as love struck as Taehyung is right now anway. "Tae, you already look good in anything. Just pick whatever okay. And if she does like you, it wont matter what you wear anyway,"

"You are right Chim. Y/N is not that petty to judge someone by appearance anyway," he smiled at the thought of her.  "Shes just perfect,"

Jimin chuckles at his lovestruck friend and shake his head, pulling the blanket, ready to sleep. Taehyung can day dream all he wants, buried in the pile of clothes. Hes going to bed. Jimin was about to drift off to sleep when he last heard what Taehyung said.

"I am so in love with the perfect girl Chim. I just wish shes mine already,"

/////

"S-so which one do you want to ride first?" Taehyung stammered, nervously wiping his sweaty hands on his pants. He is finally on a date with Y/N. An outing, just the two of them. Sure, Y/N might think this is only outing between friends, but who cares, its still a date to him, and she look so beautiful Taehyung cant think straight.

Shes dressed so casually in shorts and an oversized jumper, hair flying loose and looking so happy eating a cotton candy that she was so excited to buy the moment she saw it. And looking at all the other eyes staring at her, Taehyung knows that he is not the only one who thinks shes looking absolutely beautiful today.

Y/N has always been beautiful. That is one of her traits that caught his eye the first time he saw her in school.  But sometimes her beauty is too much that she attracts everyone wherever she goes, and that is not a good thing for Taehyung. Especially when he is so easily consumed with jealousy and he went crazy when he does.

Why? Why does she have to be so freaking beautiful?

"Lets do the teacup! Then we can ride the pirate ship anddd that huge rollercoaster!" Y/N points to all the rides while jumping excitedly. "Hey, you okay? Why are you stammering?"

"Uh... nothing. I am just uh.. scared of scary rides?" Taeahyung gives a crooked smile, hoping she would believe him. There is no way he going to admit why he is so nervous being around her. And come to think about it,  what he said is true. He is scared of scary rides, rides to his heart and its scary as hell.

"Dont worry. I will protect you!" She giggles and hold his hand. Taehyung almost fainted the moment they touched. God, keep yourself together Kim Taehyung! You are Kim freaking Taehyung! Heart, stop beating so fast. Its just hand holding. You held way more hands during fanmeets! "Lets go!" Y/N drags him to the long line of the teacup, where the staff handling the ride is oogling her with no shame. Taehyung clenched his hand, wanting nothing more than to scratch his eyes out.

"Wait here in line Tae, I'll ask him how long the wait is going to be," before Taehyung could stop her to approach the guy with the beady eyes who is still staring at her, Y/N is gone. Taehyung kept his eyes on them, watching as the guy smile and getting too friendly for his liking. What are they even talking about? Shes only supposed to ask how long the wait is!

Y/N suddenly waves at him excitedly to walk over and Taehyung came by.

"What is it?"

"This nice guy said he will let us cut the que. Isnt that nice?"

"Really now?" Taehyung looks at the guy up and down, who is looking back at him, smirking.

"Yes sir. You and your pretty girlfriend c-"

"Oh he is not my boyfriend! He is my best friend!" Y/N cuts him and Taehyung felt like his gut has been stabbed.

"Oh really now?" The guy raised an eyebrow. Taehyung swear he really feels like punching him now. "Well, then you can go on as many time as you want," he smiles and winks, offering hia hand to helped Y/N up the platform. Y/N laughed, totally oblivious of how every single guy is flirting with her, like always.

"Yeah. How can someone that handsome be with me right? Have you seen him?" Y/N laughs. "And thankyou, maybe I'll come back again if we have time after trying all the other rides," she bowed and enters the ride, sitting opposite from Taehyung. Taehyung smiles at her and ponders on her words.

Oh Y/N, if only you knew that you are the only one who owns this supposedly too handsome man's heart.

Taehyung's mood drop from extremely happy to worse than sour in a heartbeat. The same thing with the guy at the teacup ride happen all over again. And again. And again and keeps happening. Its as if the whole park is after his girl. Y/N gets to cuts all the line, gets free drinks, win a teddy that Taehyung tried so hard to win for her for free and the popcorn guy even gave her his number on the box. To make matters worse, she keeps denying they are in a relationship and keep stressing that they are just friends. Taehyung knows its true, they are not in a relationship, but must Y/N be so against it? Is being with him appalled her so bad?

Y/N was chattering happily, eating her free popcorn, talking about how everybody is so nice, not noticing Taehyung's sulky mood and how he is already consumed in jealousy when he saw someone he knew.

"Mia?"

Y/N looked up from her popcorn to see a beautiful young girl smiling and waving at Taehyung. She recognized her immediately. She is an idol too, must be Taehyung's work friend.

"Oh. Is that your friend? Let-"

"Mia, hi!" Taehyung immediately walked over to the girl, leaving Y/N behind. Well, Y/N has been flirting with everyone in the park with no regards to his feelings, maybe he would return the favor. Okay, he knows its not her fault, she dont even know the guys are flirting with her, but Taehyung knows he gets crazy easily when it comes to Y/N and jealousy, and this is one of the moment.

"Kim Taehyung! What are you doing here? Are you even allowed to wonder around an amusement park with this..." she looks at Y/N up and down with a disgusted look. "Person?"

"Oh uh hi. I-"

"Dont care," Mia shrugs and hold Taehyung's hand, dragging him away from Y/N as Y/N followed a few steps behind. "So I just finished a shoot here and my manager said I can spend the rest of the day enjoying the rides. Want to play with me?" Mia hugs his arms, leaning her head on his shoulder. Taehyung take a peek behind to look at Y/N. He wanted to pushed Mia away, tell her that hes spending the day with the girl of his dreams, but as he looks at Y/N, she is smiling at him, as if his close relationship with another girl doesnt effect her at all, and thats when he snapped.

He will always only be a best friend to Y/N. Nothing else, nothing more. Y/N will never be his.

And suddenly his heart is filled with jealousy and anger and the feeling of just... hurting her. To make her feel how he feel all this while.

"Yeah, sure Mia. Why not," he gives out his charming smile.

"Okay great! But what about... her?" She points to Y/N behind them.

"Oh her? No one special. She can follow us around," Taehyung shrugs and turns back. Y/N was surprised with his answer. Whats wrong with Taehyung now? Why is he behaving like last night again? Did she do anything wrong? Y/N decides to just follow them around for a while. Maybe they havent seen each other long, so they just want to catch up? Taehyung wont just ignore her for the rest of the day right?

Y/N's hopes dissapeared when hours passed and Taehyung didnt even talked or looked at her once. They didnt even ride the rides with her, taking a private car together, leaving her alone, riding with strangers. So much for an "amusement park date to catch up" Kim Taehyung.

Y/N sighed, but still follows them around.

Little by little, fans has started to gather as they realized that Taehyung and Mia are together, at an amusement park and at what look like a date. And soon enough, the crowd had gathered and followed them around to the point Taehyung's manager have to come. In the midst of the increasing crowd, Y/N being tiny and fragile got pushed by the fans who is trying to approached the couple and take photos before the moment is over, resulting in a scraped knees and bruises over her body. She tried to gets up and calls out for Taehyung, running behind them to catch up but was held back by the security.

"Sorry miss, please back off,"

"No. No. I am his friend. I was with him the whole day!" She points to the two celebrity.

"Yeah right, everybody said that," the security laughed and rolled his eyes. "You and these thousand other girls. Go home and study girl, stop chasing cleebrity around,"

"No. I am serious. He is my friend. Look, I have his jacket!" Y/N points to Taehyung's jacket that shes wearing. The one he gave her earlier because of the chilly evening air.

"Wait, are you a saseang?!" The security eyes her up and down.

"What?! Me? No! I am-"

The security ignored her and spoke into his walkie talkie and soon after a few more came and pushed her back.

"Miss, you have to stay about 1 kilometres away from Mr. Kim or legal actions will be taken against you. We dont tolerate saseangs,"

"But I am not.." Y/N sighed as she looks at Taehyung who is escorted away, not even looking back. "Nevermind. I'll back off," Y/N plop down at one of the benches and think about the way to go back to the hotel. Maybe she can just ask Jae Hyun for help.

"We heard what the security said," Y/N looks up to find a group of girls standing in front of her, circling her, hiding her from public sight. "You are a saseang arent you?"

"What? No! Its a misunderstanding. I am actually Tae's high school friend. I-"

"How dare you call him Tae you crazy stalker! Leave our oppa alone! He and his bandmates deserve some privacy you crazy bitch," the first girl shove her shoulder hard.

"No. Wait. I am not a-"

"Bitches like you deserve to die!" And before she can start defending herself the girls start shoving and hurting her, pulling her hair, slapping and punching her all over. Y/N is pretty sure they are the crazy one here.

Almost losing conciousness and bleeding all over, Y/N can only smirks to herself. I cant believe this is the way I will die. By being punch by Taehyung's fan.

/////

Who the hell is that guy?!

Taehyung paced around in his room. Before he was ushered back to the car by his manager at the theme park, he managed to sneak a look behind the crowding fans, and he saw, far away at the back some guy carrying Y/N bridal style. She is hugging his neck but Taehyung cant see her face or anything else.

Who is he?

Why is she letting him carry her like that?

And after what happen yesterday, Y/N is still not even a bit jealous?

Taehyung huffed and continue to pace around his room. His mind is going crazy. Y/N didnt contact him after nor did she reply to any of his texts and calls.

Maybe he really did it this time. Maybe Y/N is truly mad at him.

/////

Taehyung didnt see any of his friends after that anymore. They didnt answer his calls or his texts. They also didnt attend any of his shows anymore. Taehyung was confused. Is Y/N that mad at him for ditching her the other day? To the point she asks their friends to stop being friends with him? Doesnt that mean she has feelings for him then?

Taehyung needed answers, so he keeps on calling and texting. Plus, he misses Y/N lile crazy and he is starting to regret what he did the other day. After a few weeks of trying, Soo Young, fed up with his relentless effort in calling finally answered.

"What the hell so you want?!"

"Well, hello to you too. Is this how you talk to a friend?" Taehyung asks, confused on her behaviour.

"A friend?" She scoffed. "After what you did to Y/N, do you think you can call any of us friends again?!" So he was right. Y/N is pissed that he ditch her the other day.

"Wait. Just because I left Y/N at the amusement park you guys are not going to be friends with me anymore? Look, I know what I did was wrong. But I am s-"

"Left her at the amusement park? Its more like left her to die you asshole! And here I thought you actually love her!" Soo Young screamed out.

"Huh? D-die?" Taehyung stammered. what is she talking about?

"Y/N was in a freaking coma for a week because your crazy fans beat her up at the park you asshole! And you did freaking nothing to help! You think just because you are famous now you are better than your friends?! Just stop calling and stay the hell away from her!" Soo Young screamed at him but Taehyung is no longer listening as the phone he is holding dropped to the floor.

What has he done?

/////

Y/N opened her eyes to the smell of sterile and medicine, her eyes adjusting to the white walls around her. She tries to move but she cant, everything hurts.

Where is she?

The last thing she remembered after getting beat up is a guy's voice shouting at the girls who is assaulting her and carrying her before she passed out conpletely.

"Hey.. you are awake," Soo Young's voice spoke softly to her ear and her friends friendly face entered her vision.  Soo Young explained what happened. How she was in a coma for a week already, and how a stranger at a park save her and how they are all no longer friends with Taehyung.

Taehyung.

No matter how hard she tries, she cant figure out why Taehyung did what he did and Y/N finally give up in trying to figuring it out.

Y/N focuses on recovery, putting Taehyung to the far back of her mind. After a few weeks, her bruises and cuts got better but is still very much visible and she no longer needed a wheelchair, only crutches to walk. On a lazy weekend while watching her favorite drama and inhaling a carton of ice cream, a loud knock comes from the door. With her bad leg, she hopped to the door.

"Coming!"

Y/N opened the door to find Taehyung looking straight at her, a huge bouquet of flowers in hand.

"Y/N. I-"

Panicking, Y/N immediately slammed the door shut at his face, tears starts to stream down her face. She doesnt know why shes crying. But seeing Taehyung again, after everything that happens... it just bring out the emotions that she never knew she felt.

"Y/N?" Taehyung calls out softly, while knocking on the door. After a few minutes he realizes that Y/N is never going to open it, atleast not today, and decide to just say what he wanted to say from behind the door.

"Y/N? I know after what I did I dont even deserve to see you. And I know you hate me so much that you cant even bare to see my face. I know I am a few weeks too late but I came immediately after I found out. Y/N, I am sorry. I didnt know why I did what I did. And if I could turn back time I would, but I cant. I am sorry I ruined what could have been the happiest day for us and turned it into this... tragedy. I am really sorry. You dont know how badly I regretted everything. I will give up everything Y/N, just to take it back. I swear," Taehyung sighed. "I'm... I'm just going to leave this flowers here by the door. Its for you. And I will come back every single day. You dont have to see me. But I will come back and wait for you until you are ready. I am sorry Y/N," with that Y/N heard his footsteps slowly went away, leaving her alone with her tears.

And true enough, Taehyung came back every single day for the next few months. Y/N found out from the news that he skipped his tour just to do this. He must really be willing to do anything like he said. Everyday he will leave something for her. Flowers, cookies, teddies, books, anything and he will sits on the floor by the door and talk about his day and how sorry he is and how he misses her. And slowly, Y/N find herself waiting for his daily visits and the tears stopped, replaced by a smile and a few giggles.

After 4 months, Y/N decided to finally open the door and ask him one final question.

"Y-Y/N? You opened the door!" Taehyung smile, surprised and immediately hugs her. "S-sorry. I just miss you so much," he stares at her longingly, backing away.

"This doesnt mean I forgive you Tae,"

"Of course! Of course! But its progress! What do you want me to do Y/N? I'll do anything, even if it takes forever," Taehyung smiles and she knows he means it.

"Answer me this one question Tae. Answer me with honesty. No bullshit, no lies, no excuses, and I will decide if I want to forgive you,"

"Of course Y/N. What is it do you want to know? I'll answer anything. Anything at all,"

"Why?" Taehyung looks at her, confused. "Why are you always mad at me for no reason? Why are your mood always changing? Did I do something wrong? Do you hate me? Do you not want to be my friend anymore? Why?"

"Well... thats not one question," Taehyung chuckles.

"Taehyung..."

"Okay, okay. Kidding," Taehyung smiles and takes a deep breath. Its now or never. Its time to tell his dream girl, the truth.

"You want to know why? Its because of you Y/N. You are driving me crazy. from that first day I saw you in high school, I have been crazy about you, over you. I cant sleep, I cant think straight, I cant even be myself, all I can do is think about you and how to make you mine. How it feels if you are mine. If you love me back. I want you Y/N. I want to take care of you, to love you, to be the only face you think about every single day, to be the last face you see at night, the first face you see in the morning. Every single day I wonder, why cant I be that person for you? I love you L/N Y/N. I have been madly in love with you for years and I am sorry I have been acting crazy, but I just cant help it when I see other people looking at you or laughing with you. You are just so beautiful, so perfect to me, I am afraid that someone else will steal you away. I dont know how I will live if that happens. Jealousy is my best friend when I am around you and thats what happen that day. I knew now that you will never be mine, and I accept that. But I will take care of you from afar. And to answer your question, no, I dont want to be your friend, because I want to be so much more. But Y/N..," Taehyung smiles. "I have accepted it Y/N, that you will be the girl who will never be mine,"

Y/N feels her mouth dropped opened. Is Kim Taehyung really finally confessing to her?

"T-tae, I didnt know-"

"Hey, its okay. You didnt know. Atleast you didnt ignore my feelings on purpose," he smiles. "I am so sorry Y/N. I love you and I will do anything to make things right again. I regret everything I did,"

"Wait," Y/N stopped him. "So you are saying, that everything you did to me before, the mood changes, igboring me, getting angry, everything, is because you are jealous? And because you cant have me?"

"Well, yeah," Taehyung gave a small smile. "I love you too much that the thought of not having you drive me crazy. And you are just so beautiful, guys are always all over you,"

"But you said this will never happen again. Because..?"

"Because I finally accepted that you are the girl that I love, but you are also the girl that at will never be mine Y/N," Taehyung smile, a sad smile. Y/N giggles and took a step forward and held his hand.

Oh who is she kidding. She might have denied it to Soo Young and the rest of the gang, but who could ever resist Kim Taehyung?

Obviously not her. Because she is fi ally admitting to herself that she is desperately in love with her best friend. From that first day in high school. And how lucky is she that her best friend is Kim Taehyung.

"But Tae, whoever said that I will never be yours if you never ever asked me?" Y/N grins and the happiest smile slowly crept up Taehyung's face.

[thoughtfulpaperback]

My 5 Television/Movie Cushes

I will preface this list by saying that most of my crushes are on the fictional characters rather than the actors, except for the first. I am weird because I can think the character is cute and have a crush on them, but the actor or actress that plays them I dont have a crush on... like i have seperated them in my mind somehow, but still appreciate that they are good looking but not interested in them. Now in no particular order:

1. Cesar Evora

My first ever crush was on Cesar Evora. I was so confused. It was 1998 and he was a priest on El Privilegio de Amar (The privilege of loving). At first I was just like "He is good and nice to look at, is it wierd that I like looking at a priest so much!?!", But then in 2002, he was in Entre el Amor y el Odio (between love and hate). It was the first televison show I was ever committed to. I didn't miss a single episode. It was also my introduction to sex at a very tender age. Specifically a sexual cesar evora who I started watching the show to see again... and continued to watch to see MORE of him... a lot more. I had feelings and curiosities I knew nothing of and pretty much continued to watch anything he was in just to see him.

2. Katara (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Katara was my third tv crush and It was weird because like while novelas and other dramas had been my introduction to sex/attraction/relationships which were all heterosexual and real people, I had no problem being head over heels for Katara. I thought she was beautiful. I could watch reruns of just her water bending for hours if possible. The way she moved and how kind and brave and strong she was, ugh. Like two years into the crush my friend pointed out that I might be too obsessed with her, and should shut that down. So I stopped watching the show. The older me eventually watched the whole series and realized my friend was an ass and really what harm was a tv crush on an animated character doing anyways.

3. Daniel Meade (Ugly Betty)

My very first ship and OTP was Detty. Honestly, Daniel Meade was my first-sorta- problematic crush. I didnt see a problem but others did. He was immature and could be a real jerk in the beginning (sometimes even later on too although not in the same way) but then he would do all these little and big things for betty and/or his mom and I would just swoon. Plus the sad puppy eyes. Heart eyes every damn time. Like I loved him and would defend his character even when he did something stupid. And like I understood what toxic and problematic relationships were and looked like. I did not like the Cole x Phoebe relationship on Charmed although I loved the Cole as a tragic character. But I didn't get those vibes from Daniel and Betty. And I just loved daniel to pieces. I think Eric Mabius just brought a lot to the character too and i just appreciate the work and writing that went into Daniel's character arch.

4. Mr. Darcy/Bridget Jones

Okay so, I love pride and prejudice and every iteration pretty much. But the Bridget Jones's diary had me all sorts of messed up and in love with the two main characters. There is no better Darcy than Colin Firth who can pull off being two different Darcy's in a career and be incredibly charming, awkward, and amazingly handsome as both. I just loved this Darcy and I just wanted to kiss his face even when he was jerkish. Bridget...OMG. talk about problematic crush. She was just such a mess. But I loved her. She had a real normal person body and I was just fascinated with that. She was a drinker, smoker (total real life turn offs for me), and not smart when it came to men, But she was bold, honest, a total klutz, funny, awkward, inappropriate, and just so damn resilient. I was equally awed and enamored with her as Darcy.

4. Harry Greenwood ( Charmed [2018])

My good God. Knowledgeable, dorky, can dodge a flying projectile and sustain massive amounts of damage, and the first male (in a female centric show) who isnt relegated to being passive or sidelined because the writers don't know how to write males interacting with females without making them problematic. I love and would die for Harry. His aesthetic is like killing me and just everything about him makes me want to hug him and never let go.

5. Prue Halliwell (Charmed [1998])

Okay so you know that point in you life where you dont understand crushes and sexuality since you are a young bean and the world has not yet tried to discourage "wrong" or "shameful" feelings. My second tv crush was at that point. Prue just freaking got me: The oldest sibling taking care of her younger siblings, a bit controlling, held a lot in. I mean in some ways I wanted to grow up to be her, because I mean she was just so beautiful, intelligent, POWERFUL, and capable. Good lord, I just loved looking at her back then. I loved watching the show and just thought she was the prettiest, best, and most amazing character on tv. Now I love her for more reasons, but when i first saw the show those where my feelings. Also I don't think any sort of sexuality or attraction is wierd shameful or wrong. Just sharing that old experience or my tv crush.

What about y'all? Who were/are your tv and film crushes? Do y'all remember the first ones?

[heulheul]

Im actually INFURIATED (i always am)(but now even more) my „friends“ who are „gay and aromantic“ ALL HAVE STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIPS?? It would be ok if they werent so prideful and use their queerness as their whole fucking personality trait. HOW THE FUCKING DARE YOU TELL ME YOURE QUEER WHEN ALL YOU DATE ARE MEN AND ONLY LIKE FICTIONAL WOMEN FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. How fucking dare you tell me „im such a loner uwu potato and i dont do all that gross dating stuff bleghh ew“ THEN PROCEED TO DATE??? How dare you make me feel safe and comfortable around you when youre not even NEAR worthy of my trust FUCK ALL OF YOU. My „lesbian 😐“ friend has a male crush and makes it her entire life like SHUT THE FUCK UP OK SHUT UP YOURE SO ANNOYING I HOPE YOUR VAGINA LIGHTS ON FIRE. My 2 „aromantic 🫤“ friends are dating EACHOTHER and they think noone knows but its sooo obvious and i think the only reason theyre sneaking around is bc they flexed constantly how dating is not for them and only hopeless lonely loners do it, but guess whos doing it now you stupid stupid FUCKS. My other friend is ig the most true to her word. Shes actually into women but omfg she tries so hard to „hide“ her crush or whatever but its so obvious it makes me cringe and repulse on how she acts like a >_< potato when mentioned about her admiree. Like… we all know calm tf down. My other friends is also kinda true to her word. Shes „aromantic“ or somewhere in the umbrella but she has rizz and pulls. But thats bot her fault ok, what i have a problem with it id that she tried so hard to seem emo edgy mysterious harem senpai but tbh shes so annoying. I find it annoying how she acts like a baby and ive grown with her since were young so i thought shes outgrow it but now that were grown girl CUT THAT SHIT OUT shes a tall child like go take off ur diaper and stop sucking on ur moms tit AND THEN lets be friends. Gosh its so annoying bc shes so self centered. She wont be in a convo if it isnt about her or talking shit abt someone. Like kys u absorb drama like a parasitic sponge fuck off little shit, im so close to stop playing friend with her and just beat her the fuck up and leave her to bleed out or sth but im calm im calm ok. And i cant just cut these people off, i mean emotionally ill be ok but ill see them everyday at campus blablabla U get it. Im so fucking ashamed my life has gotten to the point im tolerating being friends with immature baby queerbaiters. Sad thing is ive grown fond of these people and have bad attachment issues and im just so sick of cutting people off me randomly and never wanna do it again but i swear theyre so ☠️ also do i just ATTRACT fake queer people?? My ex friend was … questionable. Pretty sure she had bpd and those people were just her fav persons but idk. Maybe its internalized homophobia thats why i have sm self hatred but the fact that i thought i had people that can relate to me and share the same feelings but NO you fuckers were never gay/lgbt and never feel the things and think the thoughts i do. NEVER. And ig thats my big problem abt it. Im ok with people experimenting and exploring their sexualities (aldo none of my business) but in this case, they had no reason to call themselves queer in the first place (ex. Never having feelings for opposite gender, etc.) so ifk where they got that but ok? The 2nd thing is they r HIDING the fact theyre not actually lgbt and keep queerpersonifying just to yk… talk about being queer. BUT THE FUCKING THING IS I HAVE DO MUCH HATE WITH WHO I AM AS A FUCKING DYKE AND YOURE JUST HERE SAYING „being part of the ögbt is so hard uwu huhu 😿😿“ WHEN YOU DONT THINK THE THIBGS I DO. YOU DONT EXPERIENCE THE THINGS I DO. Did you ever think of harming yourself since noone around you said that the things you like are ok, therefore making you feel like a shitty freak? Did you ever get so scared of your own feelings to the point you lie in bed like a paralyzed vegetable just crying inside and outside? Do you ever wish you were just created normal so you dont think about shit you have to? Fuck you quuerbaiters

[notcatherinemorland]

hm. more Who thoughts: a Rant^tm

this is going in a list because im too cold to type lmao

when i said: 11th doctor is first and foremost the product of a shitty writing team that thinks grandeur means poignancy, and the entire thing is a crock of shit because of it. but 11 as a reaction to 10′s grief works in a very uncomfortable way. i was RIGHT as Shit 

the doctor reacting to the past regeneration becomes an excuse for character not character development at some point and i think the 3rd season has hit it

i remember being so ANGY about the snowman xmas special when i saw it live to the point my family had to tell me to shut up. whilst they were right, i am also right, it was so fucking *bad* and i’ll die on that hill actually

women are people not mysteries or puzzle boxes or props for men to solve or outsource their emotional stability to. if dr who could learn that, that’d be grand.

clara isn’t so much a character as a hat stand for “witty” dialogue and a bad plot twist. i am full of rage at whoever greenlit that episode. 

when i was chatting shite about dr who being about action/inaction and consequence..... clara does Act to an extent. she hacks a laptop, she runs after the doctor, she puts herself between the kids & the ice lady. 

however there’s something so completely and utterly Hollow about clara that i cannot put my finger on. it may just be some deeply ingrained spite against her that woke up like a sleeper agent at the piss poor attempt at dialogue in the xmas special. but she’s so bloody hollow to me 

like compared to rose or martha or donna or even freaking astrid from the titanic - another manic pixie dream companion... clara and amy just Lacked something in comparison

and i Think what they lacked is a life very clearly outside the doctor’s presence. i LOVED martha’s family interfering like it was so good!!! i really liked it!! and my favourite iteration of amy and rory was season 7 when they had a life! they had something to loose! they had shit to do outside of stare at the dr! clara has jack shit. even the family she’s nannying for in ep1 feels useless to understanding her because... what baring to the have? do they even come back? they seemed nice can i trade in clara and have the family instead? no offence clara.

if i have to hear One More Fucking Quote Unquote Witty Line that is meant to be so deep and meaningful and comes across obnoxious and egotistical from all parties real and fictional involved im going to eat my ethernet cable. jesus h christ.

ALSO. that stupid fucking plot thing of the one word test in the xmas ep. with nice green lizard lady and her wife. i have not seen something so fucking masturbatory in a WHILE. jesus shit how to do you take 2 lesbian (or at least lesbian presenting i suppose) characters and what could have been an interesting character and turn them all into conduits for lauding the male hero i mean REALLY.???.!!!! i hated watching that could u tell hfgjdkgfkd. i had to leave the house and go on a run i was so riled up.

i would have liked the crime solving lizard woman from the dawn of time and her victorian wife if they a) weren’t props for the dr’s man pain b) were not props for the dr man pain c) didn’t feel like a cheep reference to bbc sherlock. d) the show became about them travelling in time and solving crimes and it would have been a nice follow on from the (weird, frankly) theme of marriage in the last series. unfortunately they would have become the 3rd designated category of women in dr whom - caretakers of men (the other 2 being attracted to the men/ standing there & being sexy or enrichment for men’s environments like a ball of yarn for a cat) but you know what. i could have lived with that.

i think my problem with clara is because she’s a concept, not a character. rose was a character. clara’s a prop. i keep saying that but there’s literally been nothing in her life that isn’t relevant to the doctor. 

what it comes across to me as is fucking _weird_. so far it’s just been this previously known to be an egotistical arse plot-armored man being obsessed with this 24 year old woman who’s entire life seems to be relevant to his development or study of her. i emphatically do not watch to watch that story. 

stop trying to give me a grimdark dr whom. i dont want it. it really has made me enjoy 13′s series retrospectively tho... i like her enthusiasm for her Fam. 11 is just fucking gloomy.