#I don't want to be living like it's normal if it isn't
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i think that people forget that the transtrender thing from a few years ago predominantly effected and targeted transmascs. treating us like we were girls who just wanted to feel special. i honestly could not give you any examples off the top of my head of transfems being called trenders. im sure it must've happened at some point, but all of the "this is a normal trans person. and this is a WEEEIRRRRD TRENDERRRR who thinks that boys don't have to wear bras uwu i don't have to shave my legs :3 blue hair he/they/xe/it and if you don't use my one thousand neopronouns you're transphobic!!!!!!!!" stuff was so so so so obviously pointing towards transmascs.
and then we got out of it for a bit! things improved! transmascs started becoming comfortable with being gnc again! trans people in any direction started playing with neopronouns and mogai terms!
and now we're right back where we were before. not only that, but it feels so much worse. back then, i had enough confidence to puff my chest out and say "actually yeah! i wanna take pride in my neopronouns! i wanna dye my hair weird colors! i wanna have a billion neogenders! and if you don't like it, you can bite me!"
but now it isn't just attacking "surface level" things. it's attacking the very CONCEPT of being transmasc. i didn't have to seriously consider going back in the closet when the trender stuff started. but i have now. on multiple occasions. it's just so tiring. i have no idea how people think that trans men are somehow more privileged. it feels like we keep getting kicked down as soon as we find a new community to just exist in. im so fucking tired, man.
-TB
oh wow, true, i forgot about that. damn i haven't thought about that term in quite a while but you are very right. while i'm sure there were and are transfems affected by it, there's no denying that the bulk of the targets were explicitly transmascs and trans men. like, i'm almost certain the term was coined specifically to harass and misgender transmascs and trans men.
people have been erasing and being horrific to trans men and mascs for decades, they just keep changing hats and making up new terms. thank you for pointing this out, i really appreciate it. trans men are not inherently any more privileged than anyone else, especially if they're closeted, no transition, pre transiton/early transition, intersex, a person of color and so on. people just go out of their ways to punch laterally on trans men and mascs and it's so old. we don't have it better than any other type of trans person just because we are men and mascs. it doesn't make our lives any easier- it just gets harder after we come out. same as everyone else.
take care of yourself! thank you for sending this ask, i really appreciate you.
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TOO SOON TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU
pairing: jj x fem!routledge!reader
summary: jj navigating his childhood and adolescence while seeing john b as a brother, but y/n as something… more.
warnings: flangst, suggested smut
a/n: wow this was longer than i thought it was gonna be and thats why i am edging yall with the ending... THERE WILL BE A PART TWO
jj and john b had been brothers since third grade. it was common knowledge for everyone on the island. don't cross john b unless you wanted to deal with jj, too, or vice versa. it was a well-known fact.
they began playing together at recess, and soon, john b came back home talking about his new friend. he would eventually begin bringing two lunches to school with him so jj could actually eat.
the first time they hung out outside of school, they went fishing off of the ocean at the chateau. they were called inside for lunch by the ringing of a bell.
"wut was that?" jj asked in his southern drawl, toothless mouth quirking in confusion as he dropped a minnow back into the water.
"my daddy's callin' us back for lunch." john b explained, beginning to pull up the anchor of the johnboat.
"is your daddy nice?" jj asked, helping his friend gather the ropes.
"he's just a normal dad." john b shrugged, adjusting his hat before starting the motor.
"my dad hates me." jj explained, as if it were a simple fact of life. he sat down.
"well, i think mine'll like you."
from that day on, jj had practically been adopted into the routledge family. the littlest sibling, y/n routledge, was only five when they met, and was relatively closed off at first. while the four of them ate at the table that day, big john had shown an affection towards his son and jj, but made no effort to include his daughter in the conversation.
the age gap, which seemed significant at first, slowly dwindled away as john b's friend group expanded to the rest of the pogues. y/n hung out with them sometimes, too.
jj had always thought she was nice, and he enjoyed getting a rise out of her, but his best friend for life was her brother. that's who he was looking for on the night he happened to fall in love with her.
y/n was 12, and jj was 14. he knew john b was at a small party kiara was throwing (a farewell party to kildare high school, if you will), but he was hoping he would be back by one am. jj stumbled into the chateau, tripping over the step into the house.
"shit!" he cursed, his already bruised cheek making contact with the dusty hardwood floor. "ugghhhh" he groaned, slowly hoisting himself up.
"jj?" he heard a voice mumble.
his head snapped up, finding y/n standing in the kitchen. suddenly, his cheeks flushed as he looked at his star wars pajama pants, embarrassed that she was seeing him like this. "uh, yeah." he cleared his throat, taking a step further into the dimly lit house. "hey, y/n."
he could have sworn he heard her sniffle, but she too took a step forward, flicking on the living room light.
"isn't it passed your bedtime?" jj asked, at the same time y/n said "what happened to you?"
his hand made it's way to the back of his neck, scratching. "nuthing." he said dismissively. "just got inta an argument with my old man."
her face contorted into a frown, walking up to him and grabbing his arm. as she lead him into the bathroom, he had a strange thought that she looked adorable in her polka dot pajama pants and one of pope's old t shirts.
"why'd he do this to you?" she asked softly, grabbing disinfecting ointment from the cabinet. "sit on the toilet so i can clean you up."
jj rolled his eyes, deflecting. "i dont need you to clean me up. was lookin' for your brother anyway."
"well," she started, confirming his previous thought. "john b's not here, and neither is my dad cuz he never is, and in case you didn't know, it's been 10 years since my mama left, and i'm all alone, and i'd really not like to be alone right now so could you please just sit?"
she finished her rant with a stray tear leaking down her cheek, a red face, and a huff of air. jj tried not to let his grin show. they way she got so flustered, the way she annunciated each word, made his heart flutter despite the heaviness of the situation. "hold your horses, i'll stay." he said, raising his hands up in surrender.
he sat down on the toilet lid as she tended to his busted lip, cut under eye, and bruised cheek. she worked in silence for a little while.
"he did this to me cuz im a piece of shit." he eventually muttered.
"you're not." she insisted, shaking her head.
"you only think that because i'm john b's friend." he scoffed. "maybe he's right, anyway. he caught me stealin from the gas station. maybe i deserved this."
she looked at him. jesus, jj thought, when did her eyes become so... pretty? "you didn't think we're friends?"
jj looked down at the floor, before bashfully meeting her gaze. "guess we are now."
jj slept over, obviously, and they sat together on the couch as she showed him the only existing photo of her and her mother.
"i wonder if she would like me if she knew me now." y/n thought out loud.
jj took it upon himself to use humor to make her feel better. "pretend im your mom." he shrugged.
"what?" she squeaked, looking at him like he was crazy.
he cleared his throat before raising it an octave to make him sound like a woman. "oh, y/n!" he exclaimed, grabbing the ends of her hair. "my daughter, you're sooo beautiful!"
"ew!" she she giggled as jj got closer and closer to her. "get off me jj!" she laughed, playfully shoving him away.
"you don't want some lovin' from your mama?" he teased, still in a girly voice.
she kicked him gently, squealing in delight at his antics. "you're not my mama!" she insisted.
they began wrestling playfully, jj pushing her so she was laying on the couch, pinning her down. and, when john b walked in, he thought it was nothing more than some classic routledge and maybank sibling bonding.
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from that moment on, there was an undeniable shift between the two of them. somehow, y/n had gone from nice, to adorable, to pretty at her thirteenth birthday party. the pogues and some of her girlfriends from school had been invited to the chill hang out at the chateau.
she was talking to some of her other friends, in a lovely white sundress and brown cow boy boots, when jj nearly choked on the vodka he had added into his lemonade.
"i never realized how pretty y/n was." pope commented, swinging on the hammock.
"what?!" jj shrieked, spitting out his drink.
"ew, dude." kiara said, rolling her eyes.
"don't you think she looks nice?" pope inquired.
"uh, well, i mean, um" jj stuttered. "what?"
"that's all i'm sayin, dude. y/n is-"
"y/n is what?" john b asked, joining them.
"pope's got a lil crush." kie said, smirking.
"t-this is outrageous!" jj exclaimed.
"why do you even care?" asked kie.
"b-because-"
"obviously because she's like a sister to him and it's gross." john b explained, rolling his eyes. "new rule. no macking on my sister."
"you got that pope?" jj asked seriously, pointing an accusatory finger.
"i wasn't planning on macking on her!" pope cried, defending himself.
jj huffed. "good." he muttered under his breath. he definitely did think pope macking on y/n would be gross. but not for the reason john b had said. something stirred within his chest. it was a gross, green feeling.
...was he jealous?
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when jj was sixteen and when y/n was fourteen, the "no macking on y/n" rule had been transformed into the "no pogue on pogue macking" rule. this was due to both y/n and kiara being mature enough to wear bikinis. like, proper bikinis.
it was the first day of summer break. kiara was back from the kook academy, jj didn't have to deal with fucking geometry anymore, he snuck off the previous night with some touron older girl and had his first time behind a tree, and holy hell life was good. the pogues joined some other students at the beach for surfing and a bonfire.
but his eyes were on y/n.
shit, was he a pervert? after all, she was only 14, and one of his best friends. she came fishing with him and john b even though she didn’t particularly enjoy the activity. they were constantly play wrestling, or giving each other sea shells as little gifts. and, jj constantly called her mama, much to john b’s demise. it was one of their inside jokes.
she had just looked so good in her blue bikini and she was actually growing boobs. as jj sat on the sand, watching her surf, he barely noticed kiara and another girl approach him.
“hey, j!” kie called.
“‘sup?” he asked, not taking his eyes off of y/n. she was an amazing surfer, but he was ready to jump into action if she happened to wipe out.
“this is lacy.” kiara said, motioning to the girl next to him. she had a nice rack and a sexy body, with beautiful blonde hair. “i went to the look academy with her.”
“oh?” jj said, raising a brow. “a kook, huh? watchu doin’ on this side of the island, princess?” he shamelessly flirted. kie rolled her eyes in disgust, but lacy placed her palm against a tree, leaning in seductively.
“everyone on figure eight thinks they’re too proper to have fun for a night.” she shrugged.
jj grinned. he was catching her drift, alright.
he brought her back to chateau and fucked her good. well, at least he tried to. but with the image of y/n in his mind, he came in like 15 seconds. he made it up to her by eating her out, which was divine, pleasing her in the way he believed every woman should be.
lacy left, and after jj cleaned himself up and put on a fresh pair of boxers and gray sweatpants, he exited big john’s room, which was now practically his after the man’s disappearance, to get a drink.
he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw y/n sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter. she gave him a knowing look, rolling her eyes as the tears fell.
“shit.” he cursed, walking up to her. “uh. you heard that?”
she scoffed. “everyone heard it. i don’t care about that, though. it’s just… i… do you think i’m pretty, jj?”
“what’re you talkin about?”
she hiccuped. “am i pretty?” she repeated. he let out a breath. shit, how was he supposed to answer that? hell yeah, she was pretty. but she took his silence as a no. “i know i’m not. but it’s not fair that everyone sees me as just some little kid.” she explained. “none of the guys in my grade want to date me. i h-haven’t even kissed anybody yet, and you guys are all having sex, and it’s not fair!”
he tentatively sat down on a stool next to her. “you’re still young.”
“so that means i’m ugly?” she retorted.
“i think yer the prettiest girl on this whole damn island.” jj explained. he was so vulnerable, wide blue eyes staring into hers.
“… you do?”
“i do.” he said softly, nodding. he extended a hand, tucking a stray frizzy and sun dried lock of hair behind her hair. “i really do, mama.” he wondered out loud.
“well…” her heart was beating out of her chest as she took in a shaky breath. “thank you.” she grinned cheekily, cheeks beat red.
“you’re welcome.” he said, tailing a finger down her cheek before going to get up.
“wait” she said in a distressed tone. she grabbed his arm, stood up, and quickly pulled him foreword, pressing her lips to his.
it barely lasted two seconds, and jj didn’t even have time to close his eyes before y/n was pulling away.
she stepped back, staring at him. he brought a hand up to ghost over his lips. he had never felt so much electricity. his lips were literally buzzing.
“kie told me her first kiss made her want to puke.” y/n stated. “um. are all first kisses supposed to be that good?” she asked, clearing her throat.
“uh.” he said, voice hoarse. “mine sure as hell wasn’t.”
“oh.”
“yeah… oh.”
“okay. um, g’night jay!” she squeaked, retreating into her room.
jj was doomed.
-`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´-
y/n routledge had ruined every other girl for jj. he was absolutely besotted with her.
but, the problem was, he couldn't have her. john b would forbid it.
"it's just like, fuckin gross, man!" john b complained, laying on the hammock as he mindlessly threw a hackey sack in the air, catching it. "like, i don't wanna see you macking on my little sister, sorry."
"she's her own person, man." jj said, waxing his board. "just let her be."
"he's a douche." john b insisted. he wasn't very fond of y/n's first ever boyfriend. "she's only 15, why does she even need a boyfriend?"
"i got a feelin' you'll hate anyone she dates." jj replied with an eye roll.
"probably." john b cringed.
jj fought back a shudder. would he hate me if i dated her?
suddenly, y/n came speeding around the corner on her bike, pushing it to the ground and ditching it, sprinting into the house.
"what the hell?" jj asked. him and john b were immediately following her inside.
"y/n?" john b asked, swiftly approaching her. "what's wrong?"
she stood in the middle of the living room, her body wracking with sobs. "h-he... he..." she couldn't even get the words out as she covered her hand with her mouth.
"did he hurt you? what's happenin?" jj asked, concerned. he placed a hand on each of her shoulders, craning his neck down so they were at eye level with each other.
her lips quivered as she sighed, and jj's heart broke.
"he broke up w-with me." she finally managed to get out.
jj recoiled, and him and john b shared a look.
"he's dead."
that night, after the three of them laid together in bed (a y/n sandwich, with her in the middle of the two boys) and did all the girly post break up shit u see in movies together, it was nearing two am when they decided to call it a night.
jj sat on the edge of her bed for a little while, watching her tuck herself in tight underneath the covers.
"you gonna be okay?" he asked.
she hiked up a shoulder. "i'm gonna have to be."
a beat of silence passed. "he's a fuckin idiot for fumbling you." she snorted. "it's true!" jj insisted, his voice growing higher in insistence.
y/n smiled sadly. "thanks, jay."
he gave her a solute. "well, goodnight, mama." he went to get up, but she reached out.
"wait. um. i don't really wanna be alone tonight."
"oh. you want me to get jb, or...?"
in a small and vulnerable voice, she asked. "can you stay?"
"uh, y/n, im not sure how good of an-" he protested, running a hand through his messy blonde locks.
"please, jj." she begged, her voice cracking.
jj didn't stand a chance. "you know i can't say no to you." he whispered, a soft smile on his face.
y/n reached behind her, grabbing an extra pillow and handing it to him. he grabbed the extra blanket on the edge of her bed, getting comfortable on the floor.
they laid in silence for a few moments, just listening to the hum of the crickets and the crashing of the waves in the distance. jj was 99% sure she was asleep, and moved to get up, when she finally spoke.
"he broke up with me because he kept trying to force me to have sex but i didn't want to." she confessed, her words awkwardly cutting through the silence.
"are you fucking kidding me?" jj asked, disgusted.
"please don't kill him." she sighed.
"please don't kill him," jj repeated, mocking her tone. "nah, fuck that. what's this guys address? i swear, i'm gonna-"
"you're gonna do what, jj?" she retorted.
"egg his house, slash his tires, beat him up, i don't know! the point is, that was a dick move. and that's not okay to do. especially to you. cuz your-"
he stopped himself. in the midst of their heated conversation, they had both propped themselves up on their elbows, y/n looking down at jj and him looking up at her. they lowered themselves back down in to a recumbent position.
"i'm what?" y/n whispered.
jj thought for a moment. you’re my girl. you’re so incredibly special. that’s what his mind was thinking. but he couldn’t say that. could he?
“because you’re like a sister to me.” he choked out. he didn’t sound believable at all.
“am i really though?” she pressed.
jj wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. “we can’t, y/n.” he forced himself to say.
“…i know.” she conceded. “but maybe…” she thought out loud. she let a hand dangle down, off the edge of the bed. “friends can hold hands, right?”
he intertwined their fingers together, holding his arm up for her. “yeah. they can.”
-`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´-
jj and y/n continued to find loopholes in order to be able to act on some of their feelings while not making it obvious for john b.
friends kissed each others cheeks. friends took naps together, bodies intertwined in the hammocks. friends got jealous of flirting. friends called each other nick names like “mama” or “baby” or “bub.”
right?
y/n was providing light in jj’s fucked up life, which become increasingly worse with this search for gold.
jj knew that y/n was having a hard time with her brother following in her fathers footsteps. this made them grow closer, as the barrier that was john b was less and less present, constantly on the go or with sarah cameron.
for fucks sake, they were held at gun point today by barry, who jj knew bc he used to sell coke to his dad.
who, speaking of which, beat him to shit. jj didn’t know how to deal with everything and so he bought a hot tub.
he couldn’t be bothered at pope and kie lecturing him. he couldn’t be bothered that he blew the money. but when y/n stepped inside the hot tub upon seeing the bruises on his abdomen, holding him tight against her chest and stroking his hair, he finally broke down.
he allowed her to dry him off and get him into some clothes. they lay together in her room, this time, both together on her bed as jj needed the physical affection.
he was practically on top of her, his face nuzzled into her neck, but she didn’t mind. she ran her fingers through his hair and up and down his back, to the point where he was practically purring and melting completely into her, mending their bodies together as one.
he was never so vulnerable, not with anyone else.
“thank you,” he croaked out. “for dealing with me.”
“hey.” she gently reprimanded. “don’t say it like it’s some kind of chore. i want to be able to help you, bub. we all do.”
he nodded, to tired to put up a fight. “only want your help tho.”
she smiled into his temple. “i feel like you’re the only person who actually gets me.“ she admitted.
“me too.”
that morning, upon waking up, the two of them had shifted to jj spooning her from behind, holding on tightly. and y/n didn’t mind one bit.
“morning,” she whispered sleepily, intertwining their legs together.
he groaned, stretching his legs out, but not separating them from hers. “mornin’”
“i gotta show ya somethin” he said after a few minutes of laying there admiring y/n. she looked so serene and peaceful in his arms, the sunlight streaming in from the windows and making her look like an angel.
“uh oh what did you steal?” she joked.
“i didn’t steal anything.” he said with an eye roll, sitting up and walking out of the room momentarily. he returned with something shiny in his hands. “i got u somethin when i splurged on the hot tub.”
“jj” she gently chided, propping herself up on her elbows.
“it’s fine.” he protested. “everyone knows the cats ass is dope as fuck. here.”
he held out a gold chain with a small j on it.
y/n held it in her hands, smiling down at it, then looking up at him.
“j as in…” she trailed off, smirking. “jj?”
he nodded and unspoken words passed between them. he put in on her neck, and she thought to herself that she would never take it off.
-`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´--`✮´-
the night of john b and sarah’s “death” was the best and worst night of y/n and jj’s lives.
“we… we lost em.” shoupe said, his words echoed by the booming thunder. “i’m sorry.”
“you lost them? what do you mean you lost them? like they’re gone? what are you talking about?” pope tried to frantically clarify.
jj’s jaw clenched. kiara’s face dropped. and y/n just stood there, numb as her heart plummeted into a deep abyss.
“they took an open boat into a tropical depression, pope.” the officer explained.
“so they’re dead?” kie asked.
“we don’t know.” said shoupe.
jj’s anger took over. “you drove em straight into the storm, man! are you kidding me?! come here!” he growled, pummeling shoupe.
“jj, stop!” kiara cried.
“get over here! i’m gonna kill you you bastard! you killed them!” he said, trying to fight off the other cops who were restraining him.
pope tried to reason with shoupe, and kiara was begging for it all to stop.
everything was going in slow motion for y/n. her brother… her brother was dead. there was no way he and sarah could have made it through that storm.
as kiara’s parents enveloped her into a hug, and as pope’s parents came in, extremely worried for their son and his friends, jj and y/n made eye contact.
all they had left was each other.
jj calmed down, and when he ripped himself out of the police’s grip, he walked toward y/n who ran and jumped up into his arms. he held her tight, silent tears running down his cheeks as she wailed.
“no, no!” she whimpered, clinging to jj as if they were the last two people on earth.
“i know baby.” he tried to comfort. “i know.”
they found themselves in the porch the chateau, each sitting on an opposite end of the couch, staring outside. jj was smoking his weed and y/n took the occasion puff.
both of their voices were hoarse and eyes were puffy from crying.
“what am i gonna do?” she wondered, voice cracking. “you can’t let them take me away, jj. y-you can’t.”
“and i won’t.” he promised. “i swear. no one is gonna take you, or hurt you. ever. okay? if they do it’s gonna be over my dead body.”
he scooted closer towards her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her into him.
“my brother.” jj said solemnly, shaking his head and exhaling a puff of weed. “john b was, is, my brother. i don’t know, man… do you think he’s really dead?”
“i don’t know. i don’t know anything anymore.” she whispered.
“well, there’s one thing i do know.” he said. “with everything happening… shit, who knows? who knows what’ll happen to us? i just… i-i gotta tell ya… john b may be like a brother to me, but you were never like a sister to me.”
with wide eyes, she turned her head towards him. “jj… what are you saying?”
“i’m sayin that… y/n i’ve never seen you as just jb’s lil sister. i’ve always seen you as- as you. you know i’m not good at expressing my feelings.” he took a deep breath, nervous. but he looked into her eyes. “but i want to try.”
she smiled, for the first time all night.
“you’re cute, but somehow sexy at the same time. you make me wanna actually open up to you, and be vulnerable, and be better. a-and, you’re so fucking funny too, dude. i know you’ve always struggled with separating yourself from your dad and john b. and maybe sometimes you think that nobody notices you. but y/n, you’re all i notice. you��re everywhere, all the time, and it’s so scary. but… what’s scarier is the fact that i could lose you like john b and you would always think i saw you as a little sister.”
she snorted at that through the tears. she was rendered speechless.
jj let out a shaky breath. she closed the small distance between the two of them, straddling his hips as they kissed with the taste of weed, perfume, and salty tears invading their senses.
they kept crying hard, but kept kissing harder.
“i love you.” jj said. and once it left his lips, it’s like the damn burst. “fuck i love you so much y/n. i love you so much. we’re gonna be okay. i got you. i got you, mama.”
“i love you” she said, nodding her head. “i love you too, jj.”
so it was safe to say that jj loved each of the routledge siblings.
but y/n?
that was his girl. his person.
(and, when john b came back from the dead, he’d be grossed out to see jj and his little sister macking. but he knew jj would do anything for her.
so, when y/n routledge became y/n maybank a few years later, john b and jj would actually be brothers.)
it was always gonna be P4L, but it was routledge and maybank first.
he used a hand to hold her back, gently flipping them over so that he was hovering on top of her, his beautiful biceps caging her in.
he slid his tongue over her bottom lip and she granted him entrance as they made out. wanting, needing to be closer, she hooked her ankles around his lower back, arching into him and feeling his erection.
"fuck" he panted. he trailed his kisses lower, nipping her ear lobe, sucking on her neck.
"mm r-remember when my first boyfriend broke up with me?" she said through whimpers. "i didn't wanna have sex with him. n-not because i wasn't ready, but because... i always wanted it to be you."
he let out a groan. "jesus, y/n..." he detached his lips from her neck, loving the hickey that had formed there.
"jj... please. i need you." she said, tears staining her cheeks.
he kissed them away. "i need you too, mama." he breathed. they looked into each other's eyes. "ive never needed anyone so bad. all those other girls... they were to distract me from you because i never thought this would happen."
"john b made it a rule to not mack on you." he continued.
she smiled, but it was quickly replaced by a sob at the mention of her brother.
"let me take care of you.. i can't stand to see you hurtin like this."
"please" she whimpered.
and so, she let her legs fall to each side of jj's torso, and he began shimmying down her shorts...
taglist:
@4jjsbank @mkcolon1 @agnxstic @groovypeanutoperatorzonk @starsval @sollamimi @obxcc
#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank smut#outer banks#jj x routledge!reader#routledge!reader#bsf!jj
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So, I did know the basic psychology of this. Or I have a good guess at least. But I was too tired and just needed a way to end the post quickly. I am running on fumes nearly all the time and sometimes I just do whatever I need so I can publish something and feel like I accomplished a goal.
But a few people are having issues with what I said.
They mentioned that autistic folks find comfort in repetition and feel like I am calling that sad. I definitely see that as a possible interpretation and I appreciate them mentioning feeling that way.
But I just wanted to use a little bit of energy to address why I don't think I was referring to these normal, healthy coping mechanisms. I mentioned in a reply that my father actually needed to watch the same show over and over because he was too sick to concentrate on something unfamiliar. I get why it can be helpful.
Firstly, I don't know many autistic people who trap everyone they know at a party and play the same 12 songs over and over.
By and large, that aspect was what I found most sad.
But aside from that, I see this repetitive behavior as a very different thing.
In fact, I would say it isn't the behavior itself... it is the *reason* for the behavior.
I see Trump's repetitive behavior more as living in the past, stuck in his ways, being stubborn, and unwilling to try new things. Something I see a lot with elderly conservative folks. They yearn for a better time in the past when they forgot all of the shitty things and only remember happy times. They say music was better in the good old days and refuse to consider any good music could be created outside of that golden age.
Trump is stuck in the 80s and 90s. He was young and healthy and grabbing pussy and fucking models (with and without consent) and going to parties of important people. He was invited to celebrity weddings and was literally Regis Philbin's best friend. Society generally liked him. He was just the goofy rich guy with the hair and many of us thought he was really good at business. Something enhanced by The Apprentice which was heavily edited to make him seem like a business genius. He likes people thinking he is good at business more than he likes being president.
I actually think he hates being president and only ran this time to stay out of jail.
Trump is not well liked as he used to be. No matter how many cult members love and praise him, he remains deeply unhappy. His wife refuses to touch or even kiss him in public. She does this little hand escape thing every time he tries to hold her hand. And when he tries to kiss her she makes him do that French thing where he has to kiss the air near her head.
Every one of his current "friends" is just playing the game. They are hoping their fealty will help them climb the ladder. I doubt he has a single genuine friend left. Except maybe Rudy Guiliani, who turned into a fucking nutball.
He was traumatized from being inches away from death and I think that was the real reason he moved his inauguration inside. A life long New Yorker is pretty well adapted to the cold.
He probably has erectile dysfunction. He is said to need a diaper. People say he smells really bad. Getting old sucks for everyone, but it is devastating to a narcissist of Trump's caliber.
Trump is in a psychological prison of unhappiness and all he has left is his rallies and his parties where he tries to trigger memories of better times. He has the world's thickest nostalgia glasses.
Why do you think he says "Make America Great AGAIN"?
He says he is going to restore the US to its "former glory."
Almost every personal and political goal of his is based on restoring how things used to be. Which is why he so easily fit into the regressive Republican party despite being a New York Democrat for most of his life.
Trump has elderly nostalgia brain and he is stuck in a loop. He is desperately trying to recreate his glory days.
I get why people had an issue with the caption. And I should have waited until I had more energy to clarify.
In the end, this man is stuck in his ways and stupendously uncurious of new things.
And those are terrible traits for a president.
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Batfam x Neglected Mortal
Kombat Reader
Notes: this is part 9 to lucid dreams.
Warnings ⚠️: child neglect.
As you step through the blue portal memories of your life that lead up to this exact moment ,flash through your mind.
Some memories good....like when you first met Jason or when you had gotten taller then your mother.
And some memories bad... like when your mother forgot your birthday... or when your grandmother died...
Each memory more painfulthen the last. And for a moment you begin wondering if you even had good memories from gotham.
But you do.... and each good memory has one thing in common.
Jason.
Your jason the one who stood by you through everything..
The jason who used to cry thinking you'd leave him. Just like his mother.
The jason who'd you comfort and not only promise but pinky promise that you'd never leave him.
The same jason who you left in tears.
Your jason.
Your brother.
Jason what was kept you alive. Or atleast that's what it felt like. Every milestone every journey jason was there.... and now he wasn't.
Not because he didn't want to be. But because you left him. This is a choice you made.
A choice you'll have to live with.
So you push your guilt and regret away as your feet finally touch the ground of the place you left so many years ago.
The soft snow crunches under your shoes and it's cold. No, it's freezing. It always is here.
Any normal person would probably freeze but your body is quick to adjust to the weather. You were born here this is natural to you.
The cold never really bothered you anyway do to your fire abilities.
Standing right infront of you is two men. Your father's soldiers no doubt. They were his symbol of the dragon across their chest.
Their tall and old. But you can tell their strong. But you suppose they have to be strong.
Because this world isn't kind to anything weak.
The have four horses with them. Two for you and Kion and two for them. Kion pulls you with him towards them as he walks. They bow out of respect.
"Welcome princess." They say in sync.
Princess....it's been so long since you've been called that. And truthfully you don't want that title but it's yours to bare. So you nod your head.
Kion helps you as you get onto the horse. It's a big horse and the color is a perfect black. It's a far nicer horse then what the two other soldiers will be riding.
Once Kion sees your safely on the horse he gets on his. Kion leads the way and your horse follows in suit.
As if your horse wasn't even listening to you but to Kion. Kions horse slows down so that your horse matches its pace perfectly.
Riding side by side ,kion begins speaking. "You made the right decision sister..this is where you belong. This is your home." He says.
And glancing around the snowy forest and tall trees you feel like he's right....this is where you belong. This is your home.
You ride your horse in silence for a few minutes taking in his words and their truth.
"This is my home...." You repeat quietly testing the words on your tongue..... but you can't help but miss what you left behind... No, you miss who you left behind.
And like he always does Kion senses your distress.
"Regret weighs down the mind ,sister....Don't regret what's already done. It's pointless." Kion says and his words are true. But they still don't help.
"You sound like father." You say because you know that's where he got it from.
"Father, is wise sister... you should take what he says seriously. " he says with a stern voice. He obviously didn't understand that you were trying to make a joke. But Jason would've.......
"I always do. " You say quietly. The pit of regret in your stomach growing.
"Father won't be there to welcome you when we arrive..... he's out on a short trip...he'll be back by morning." He assured almost ashamed that your father won't be there.
You smile sheepishly knowing the reason.
"He didn't think I would come?" You question already knowing the answer.
"It's been years sister...he didn't doubt you.. he just doubted what your mother could've made you into." Kion says and by the way he says it you can tell. He believed the same thing.
"My mother didn't turn me into anything." You say and the atmosphere gets so tense that even the horses under you can feel it.
One soldiers behind you speak up trying to ease the tension. "Your brother means no disrespect princess...but everyone's glad to know that your loyalty lays with us." One says. But you stay silent still angry with kions words.
Did everyone here think you're a toy? Or clay that could be molded into anything?
You sigh knowing that that's what they probably think. Because here it's common...
Here it's common for your parents to decide exactly what kind of person you become.
"Make no mistake the princesses loyalty lays with her kin." Kion says almost possessively and your hands clench the ranes of the horse.
"Of course my prince." The soldiers say and you can tell their scared. Their scared of your brother.
Because of what he is. Who he is....did they fear you just the same? You ask yourself.
The ride to your village is quiet other then the sound of your horses hooves walking.
It's snowing lightly casting a beautiful scenery if only the silence wasn't so tense.....
After a while of riding your horse into the snowy forest you're greeted with the walls that you were raised in...
The walls that you had once escaped. And now you welcome them....?
It's a strange feeling. Somethings have changed. You've changed. You've matured.
Grown mentally and physically.
Your no longer the small girl who'd your mentors hit when you'd make a mistake.
No, now. Your strong. And much likely stronger then any of your past mentors.
The walls around your village are tall. And you can't help but feel like there trapping you in as the big gate closes behind you.
The people in your village both old and young are formed into a line in both sides of the path that leads straight toward the palace.
The all bow as you pass them on your horse. You look at them studying each one of them as your ride your horse passes them.
Your peoples eyes watch you. Study you right back. Taking in every little detail about you.
Your clan was nothing if not observant.
You can see there already whispering things about. But you don't care anymore if it's good or bad. Or maybe....deep down you do.
"This is your home sister... your legacy." Kion say and his chin is held high as you both ride your horses through the path.
Like a prince.
He is a prince.
.....he's wrong. This is his legacy.....not yours.
Where do you belong?
'Regret weighs down the mind...don't regret something you can't change.' Kions words stick to you. They always will....
The moon shine brightly tonight and it's rays hit the palace peaceful eliminating the beauty of this place.
Mounting off of your horse with ease. You sigh. And walk up the stairs of the tall ancient palace.
It's been so long since last walked the halls...nut you remember each one.
The colors on the walls haven't faded...and the walls carry something deeper than color.
Memories...they carry memories.
Most of fighting, learning or rare occasions you'd take a walk with your father.
"Dinner is being prepared..." kion says as you walk through the halls.
"I'm not hungry" You say and you continue walking through the halls of the palace ignoring kions protest for you to eat.
Eventually you do reach the place you've been dying to see.... your room.
It's smaller then you remember and all of your stuff sits untouched. Almost as if you left it yesterday. But no, you left it years ago....
It's been cleaned there's not a spot of dust to be seen. But everything in perfect place.
Your pencil lays on your desk and so does your old school work. Some of your drawings lay on the desk too.
All memories you thought you forgot about. You sit big bed. Because despite your small room it still had a big bed.
You were royalty after all.
This bed is way softer then the small bed you had in gotham. It doesn't creak and it's springs aren't broken.
It's spriseingly it's warm...
Laying down on the soft bed kion sighs. And finally moves away from the door frame.
"This room isn't big enough for you. I'll have you a room prepared." He says turning away but he stops as he hears your protest.
"I like this room....I'll stay in this room."
"I'm not asking sister." He says defensively almost like it pains him to see you in a room that isn't to his taste.
Because it does.
"Neither was I." Your voice is calm as you lay on your bed. But he knows you won't back down.
So he sighs and decides to let it go.
"As you wish...are you certain you aren't hungry?" He asks and you can tell he's still disappointed that you willing want to stay in this room.
But his concern out ways his disappointment.
"Positive." You reply. Not missing a beat.
"Alright then...goodnight sister.." He mumbles quietly.
"Goodnight Kion..." You say quietly deep in your thoughts.
But you catch how he stays for a moment longer wanting you to say something else.
Something more.
So you speak up quietly but Kion catches your words.
Because he's been dying to hear them.
"I love you brother...." Your voice is no louder then a whisper and you almost thinks he doesn't hear them.
But when you sit up to see him he smiles.... and quickly wipes his eyes..
He's crying..because you said you loved him?
You had honestly said those words out of pressure. But you can tell how much they mean to him.
To you he was crying because you had said you loved him. But to him you had not only said you loved him.
But you called him your brother...
Your brother.
You had never called him that. Never.
Always Kion. Never brother.
Despite his tears you can see he's happy. It's as of the weight he's been carrying has finally been lifted.
And your about to stand up to hug him. And it probably would've been an awkward hug like before.
But before you can even stand up Kion speaks up.
"I love you too ,sister.......very much." His voice is small... and tender. Kind of like him.
He's walks away before you can stand.
You can't see him but he's smiling like an absolute idiot. But he doesn't care...because you love him.
You actually love him.
Him.
He's your brother. Not jason.
You lay back down on your bed drifting between sleep and worry. You feel uncomfortable on your bed.
It feels almost like it's not yours. But it is...
Many worries cloud your mind as you remain laying down. Each worse then the last.
What if your father dislikes you? No, he wants you here..he needs to here... right?
What if he's disappointed in your fighting abilities? No, your strong. You know pretty much everything...right?
What if you stutter when you see him. You know how much he hated when you used to stutter out of fear.
No, your diffrent now....stronger...right?
You know deep down these worries are useless think about. But you can't help yourself.
Tomorrow you'd see the man you ran away from. So many years ago.
Soon enough your mind does eventually give into sleep......tomorrow you'd see someone that you've tried to pretend that you've hated for so long...the man who you've seen in the mirror all your life.
The man who raised you. Made you.
The man that despite your past you care for deeply.. you love deeply...... your father...
Thanks for reading! All comments and likes are very much appreciated! They really keep me writing! 💗💗
Taglist: @dhanyasri , @kore-of-the-underworld , @i-adorehannah , @plsfckmedxddy , @phoenixgurl030 @bunbunboysworld @bat1212 @skepvids @sirenetheblogger @Nervousalpacalady @118gremlin @darktrashpoetry @bitternsweet @kksmush @awawage @coffeemin @feral-childs-word @cens0r3d @sweetprincesscomputer @exactlynumberonekryptonite @rosy-myhouse34 @hebaoffside @sheep-from-rad @time-shardz @vanessa-boo @jellyedkazoo @chinxinsomnia @sillysealsies @nervousalpacalady @gwyneveire @simpingpandas @crazycaoticsimp @nickey-diano
#batfamily x reader#yandere batfam#yandere batfamily#batsis reader#mk x dc#batfamily x batsis reader#mortal combat reader#yandere batfam x reader#neglected reader
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Scholarship
Top Tony Stark x Bottom!FTM Reader
Terms Used for Reader: Pussy, Sex, Dick, T-Dick, Cunt
here's a random tony blurb. idk if it's long enough to be worth putting on ao3 😭 heavily inspired by an event req, will probably post that next?
CW: Non-Con, Power Imbalance, Spanking, Daddy Kink, Perv Tony, Creampie
"How many more times do you have to be sent to detention until you stop acting out?" Tony sighs, sitting at the teacher's desk as you take your normal detention seat. He's the principal, but offered to watch over your detention this time. It wasn't a strange request since he's the reason you have a scholarship, it's expected of him to worry about someone he personally sponsors. "You’ve skipped so many classes, are you trying to get your scholarship rescinded?”
You don't respond. You don't skip school because you want to. You live on your own so you spend most of your time working or sleeping. You miss your morning classes often due to constantly being overworked. You work two jobs so school and detention is the only time you have to rest or study. The scholarship only covers your attendance, you have to work for everything else. You wanted to sleep this time around.
Tony sighs. "Come here."
You walk towards him. "What?"
He walks over to the other side of his desk and forces you to bend over. Before you can even say a word, he spanks you. "I awarded you with the scholarship because I saw your potential. With conduct like this, you’re making me look like a fool.”
Your breath hitches, there's no way this is allowed. "Don't- don't touch me-"
Tony ignores you and unbuckles your belt, restraining your hands with it before forcing your pants off. "Maybe a little forcefulness will straighten you out." He spanks you again. "I've always liked you, you know?"
You shiver. Liked you? The principal, liking you, a student? You always thought he looked at you weird but this never crossed your mind.
"You always seemed tough, so tough that I thought it'd be hard to break you. But that's only a facade, isn't it?" He pulls your underwear down. "What a pretty sight." He runs his fingers down your sex and to your t-dick, softly touching it and involuntarily getting you wet.
"Get the fuck away from me!" You kick his leg, but it does nothing.
"And here I thought you'd lost your fight." Tony chuckles, sliding a finger into your entrance.
"Stop it!" You squirm around. “I’ll tell the cops!”
He grins and lets out a shaky breath, your struggle is turning him on. He leans forward and into your ear. "I could just force my cock inside if that's what you want, sweetheart." He slides another finger into you.
You shake your head. "No- I don't- I don't want that-"
He groans in pleasure. "Scared? If you're good, I’ll be gentle."
"You're a disgusting bastard."
"Am I?" He pulls away from your ear and takes his fingers out. You listen to the sound of his belt falling to the ground and the shuffling of his clothes. Your body seizes at the feeling of something rubbing against your pussy, the tip of his cock. You brace for his entrance, soon feeling him force his thickness inside you.
Tony moans again. "Your pussy feels so good around my cock." His voice is deep and dripping with lust. You never thought Tony Stark would turn out to be a guy like this. "Fuck, you're taking me so well..”
“I- I didn't skip because I wanted to!” You clench your fists. “I work every night and every weekend!”
“You should’ve told me, sweetheart.” Tony gently rubs your back. “Quit. I’ll pay for everything. I can't have my best student wasting his time at some crappy job…”
You shake your head. “I’ll drop out..”
“If that's what you want. I’ll take care of you and you won't have to work another day in your life.”
You keep shaking your head. “I won't tell anyone…just…just let me go.”
“You hate me that much now?” He starts to fuck you at a lazy pace. “You used to look at me with such hopeful eyes…you idolized me.”
You don't say anything.
“I think I’m gonna miss that. I always fantasized about you looking up at me like that, sucking my cock like a good boy. The mere thought of seeing you smiling with my cum all over your face drove me crazy.” He grabs your waist. “But you hating me is sexy too. Your fear is adorable.”
He starts fucking you properly, making the desk shake with each movement. “God, I’ll never get sick of this pussy.”
The intrusive feeling of his cock inside you is undeniably pleasurable but even more disgusting. The thought of experiencing this frequently makes you sick. You don't want to feel good.
“C’mon, baby, moan for me.” He spanks you. You’d rather get your mouth sewn shut. He leans against you and brings his hand in between the gap between you and the desk, aiming for your dick. You twitch as he strokes you. You can't help but make noise. “There you go.” You can hear his smile.
“Some- someone–” You let out a whimpery breath. “gonna hea- hear~”
“No one will. These classrooms are built to be as soundproof as possible. Even if they do, I’ll make sure they won't say anything.”
You feel disgusted at the possibility that he made it that way for this specific purpose.
“Mm- I’m close–” He huffs. “That's how fucking good you feel. Could barely last 30 minutes. Shit—”
Your eyes widen as you feel his cum flooding your insides.
“Don't worry..” He mutters, slowly pulling out and watching his cum drip down from your cunt. “I don't want any kids.”
You hear a camera flash.
#wicks🕯works#male reader#bottom male reader#bottom reader#tw noncon#ftm reader#transmasc reader#tony stark x reader#tony stark smut#tony stark x male reader#marvel x male reader#marvel smut#marvel x reader
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Tagging @sakiyaki-sashimi just to make sure she sees this too!
So Enstars has had problems for awhile now but it's gotten much worse recently.
First there is Adonis, one of the idol is the game. He is the only character with brown skin and he's from somewhere in the middle east. Despite being very kind and sweet, other characters treat him like he's scary or as a monster. And they do this pretty much exclusively because he isn't light skinned, which is very sad.
Next, you have Hiiro and Rinne Amagi, who belong to an indigenous tribe based off the real-life Ainu people. Their characterizations draw from several different negative stereotypes of indigenous people. Hiiro is seen as stupid and doesn't understand the modern world due to being raised in a village away from "normal" society for all his life. Rinne is a drunk and a gambler who's just very rude and crass to the other people around him. I believe Happy Elements (the company behind Enstars) got complaints a couple of years ago from the Ainu people about how their culture was being represented in the game. Due to this, they decided to make the Amagi's village super technologically advanced, which is another stereotype that comes from an overcorrected attempt to not portray native people as less advanced than their colonizers. (I think at least, I'm not an expert on these things so sorry if I get something wrong)
And then we get to Ibuki and Akatsuki. Ibuki's heritage is different from the Amagi brothers as his ancestors are Ryukyuan, a native people who mostly live in Okinawa I believe. Firstly, when Ibuki was added to the game, he called his own ancestors demons, which... isn't a great start, but he seemed to be proud of his family and where they came from. It seemed Ibuki's identity was going to be a large part of his character and we, the fandom, were hopeful to see how it goes.
Then they added him to Akatsuki, an already existing unit. This unit's theme is based around traditional Japanese aesthetics and culture. And when Ibuki joined the unit, he talked about wanting to embrace more of his Japanese identity, which is just really weird and it's clear the writers didn't actually care about portraying an indigenous character. It's just really gross for them to make Ibuki ignore the native culture of his family and to instead turn and embrace the culture of the people who colonized and oppressed them.
This decision by the writers has upset literally every corner of the fandom, English, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, etc, etc. Everyone hated this decision but Happy Elements has stood their ground and refuse to listen to us. So (mostly English fans I believe) have called for a complete boycott of the series in order to hit them where it hurts the most, their pockets! I added the part about not financially supporting the Project Sekai side of the collab because this series hasn't been perfect either and I don't want them getting any ideas...
But I hope this covers it all! It's a really unfortunate situation overall as Enstars was a fun series despite it's flaws but it's clear now that the people behind the game really don't care about the fans or the characters anymore...
As the pjsekai x enstars crossover approaches, I would like to remind everyone that there is a boycott of enstars going on right now due to the blatant racism and pro-colonization views promoted in recent stories.
The most important thing is to avoid everything on the enstars side of the collab. I forget what they're getting specifically but don't watch the song mv when it's uploaded to their official channel and do not download the game.
Now this next part is just my opinion but I would also avoid any monetary support of pjsekai's side of the collab. They don't deserve any support for collabing with a racist game/company imo.
Just please don't mindlessly celebrate and get excited over this xoxo - an ex-enstarrie
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I love jilypad more when Sirius doesn't know he is part of the relationship, while James and Lily 100% think they have made it clear, like:
During Hogwarts:
Lily: Sirius, what are you doing?
Sirius: Oh, Peter asked me for something-
James: But we're going on a date!
Sirius:....we are what...?
Lily: Yes! I told you!
Sirius eyeing at them confused, but just ending up thinking they're going on a date, and they want him to go with them
Proposal:
Sirius: Why're we choosing a ring for James together, Lils? Are you sure you don't want Mary with you?
Lily: Sirius, what? No! We're selecting a ring for James, then you and James will select a ring for me! James and I have already selected one for you!
Sirius: Have you?
Lily: Yes!
Sirius: Why?!
Lily, thinking he is joking, laughing.
The wedding:
James: Where are you going?!
Sirius: Well, everyone has left, Prongs. I should head out and leave you priv-
Lily, breaking the door open: I'm exhausted! Who thought weddings could be overwhelming. Sirius unzip my dress.
Sirius, who literally thinks this is normal at this point, does exactly that.
Lily: Today we cuddle, I'm tired. Come on boys.
Sirius: I-
Random Tuesday:
Remus: Lift your scarf, you have a hickey there
Sirius, grinning: You should have seen James and Lily's necks.
Remus, laughing: You guys are so good at this. I'm glad to see how comfo-
Sirius: Honestly tho- isn't it weird that they're married, and I sleep, eat, live there, and they drag me into their weird sex ideas? I'm not doing that with you and your partner ever, Remus. Even tho we are best mates
Remus:....you...what...I...thought...wait..but how can you...hold...on...so...OH MY GOD-!
Sirius: Huh? Where are you going?
Remus: I'm calling James!
#sirius black#james potter#lily evans#jilypad#jilypadcore#sirius x james#james x sirius#sirius x lily#lily x james#james x lily#crack#sirius x james x lily
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Bakugou’s Playlist about you
CW: toxicity, sexual themes, swearing, self-loathing, Romantic themes, sensual themes
His thoughts behind most of the songs:
Realistically, I feel like Bakugou is the type of person to “make” a playlist about you, but it's just songs he really likes.
This song is good = reminds me of (y/n)
Nonetheless, these are some songs I think would symbolize his inner monologue.
I researched these songs, and the vibe he releases is rock and ballads. I tried avoiding a lot of songs that were a bit too pop and went for more of a “rock ballad” sound. I also feel like he'd add softer rock and rap since you're his soft spot (teehee)
The undertones of some of the songs are toxic but I think it adds to his mindset and a lot of his in-show relationships (His journey of self-loathing himself and thinking less of himself/thinking someone so good is above him)
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Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge
[ “They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do”
“‘Cause there's always repercussions when you're dating in school”
“But their lips met, and reservations started to pass”
“Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last” ]
He’s passionate and extremely intense. If you like a guy who fits that description, then all you gotta do is make your move. This song is his initial crush song. These emotions interfere with his personal and work life if he is not alert. He cares about his future and just hopes that you're a part of it.
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Romantic Dreams - Deftones
[ “So heartless we march into the fumes”
“In time, in sync”
“Tonight the stage is yours” ]
He wants to show you off. You'd be a right-hand man, a partner for life. Bakugou understands the path he's going down is gonna have a ton of attention and hardship. He wants a partner that can handle that and thinks you are fully capable. He thinks you're amazing and powerful, “such a power couple we’ll be.” is all he ever thinks about.
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Baby Blue Movie - Ciggarettes After Sex
[ “Don't you know the love that you want is all the love that you needed?”
“Gave me all you had”
“Gave me all the love that you want, all the love that you needed” ]
You are an extremely compassionate person, you tend to think about others a lot more than yourself. A little bit too giving, and he notices that. You’re burnt out and that's okay. He is too. It's hard living the lives you do. He just wants to lift the weight off of your shoulders and give you comfort.
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Bad Habit - Steve Lacy
[ “I bite my tongue, it’s a bad habit.”
“Kinda mad that I didn't take a stab at it”
“Thought you were to good for me my dear” ]
He feels like he's constantly messed up opportunities. Like life is slipping by. “But I'm the best, right? Why the hell is this happening.” it pangs his heart every time you give someone else your attention. Isn't he funny? Isn't he the best? Isn't he the only one deserving of your attention? His behavior created a grave of obsession, an unhealthy dependency, on someone who'd given him a slice of normality. You hadn't put him on a pedestal, you treated him like a person. This was his battle, he couldn't treat you as his mirror. You were too good for him, and he knows that. He had to better himself.
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IFHY (feat. Pharrell) - Tyler, The Creator, Pharrell Williams
[ “I fucking hate you”
“But I love you”
“I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled” ]
He is an extremely angry individual, it was even hard for him to understand how you’re able to put up with him. Maybe you don't, and that's good. It's damaging to be around someone so angry and violent the entire time. At least acknowledges that, but is he willing to fix it? For you, anything. He can be very flippant and in his head a lot of the time. You don’t give him any reasons to be angry, but of course, he likes giving himself problems. It’s not intentional, but the battle with himself is strong. Keeping the relationship neutral is best for now.. neither of you want that though.
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Do I Wanna Know? - Artic Monkeys
[ “I'm sorry to interrupt. It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you”
“I don't know if you feel the same as I do”
“But we could be together if you wanted to” ]
Do you feel the same way? Are you wanting him as badly as he wants you (I mean if you’re reading this then it’s most likely yes) but he doesn’t know that. His pride is too great to be rejected. He just wants to hear it from your lips. The same ones he dreams of kissing every night. It drives him insane. If only you could throw him a bone, just some kind of sign to know you actually like him.
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About a Girl - Nirvana
[ “I'm standing in your line”
“I do hope you have the time”
“I do pick a number too”
“I do keep a date with you” ]
He’s a sucker for you. Thinking about only you. Pining for your companionship, it feels wrong for him to think about anyone else. It wasn't even a question that he wouldn't think about anyone else. You get a lot more attention than you think, so he'll have to move fast.
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Everlong - Foo Fighters
[ “Breathe out”
“So I can breathe you in”
“Hold you in” ]
He wants to be with your being, to get to know every fiber and cell that he’s completely infatuated with. In his head, he’s already committed, others become blurs in his mind. He wants to take away any pain within you. He wants to be the sweet relief of taking deep breaths, soothing your soul, clearing your head. He can be extremely passionate but doesn’t reveal it to people who aren’t worth his time.
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Back to the Old House - The Smiths
[ “And you never knew”
“How much I really liked you”
“Cause I never even told you”
“Oh, but I meant to” ]
Due to his cold personality, it seemed impossible for Bakugou being able to have feelings for someone. It's not hard to miss anything that signifies his feelings for you. He’s scared, which is sweet but also sad. He’s had numerous chances to tell you. There’s nothing he desires more than to hold you and tell you those magical words.
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Cherry waves - Deftones
[ “You hang the anchors over my neck”
“I liked it at first, but the more you laughed”
“The crazier I came” ]
This song represents the battle with himself. He's afraid if he lets you in, that'll ruin you. He's a target. The League of Villains, his associates, how dangerous his quirk can be. There's a ton of factors. He was never too focused on dating, but once you became his anchor, he didn't want to let you go.
—————————————————————————
Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls
[ “And I'd give up forever to touch you”
“‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow”
“You’re the closest to heaven that I'll ever be” ]
You've definitely captured his heart, someone he’s always wanted to touch emotionally. No matter how hard he tries, it feels as though something always pulls him back. Like a metaphorical “hell” he thinks he belongs to. His loathing runs deep, but you don't make him feel that way.
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The Perfect Girl - Mareux
[ “Youre such a strange girl”
“The way you look like you do”
“You're such a strange girl”
“I want to be with you” ]
Everyone is particularly strange to him, but you? It’s like you were meant to catch his eye. Nothing physically about you is off to him, but the weirdest thing about you is your personality. The last person to catch his attention this much was Kirishima. He started to remember your name just like his best friend. You were different though.
#x reader#multifandom fanpage#bnha#playlist#mha#bakugou katsuki#mha bakugou#bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugou x y/n#angst#music#fanfic#just for fun#anime#boku no hero academia#bnha x reader#bnha bakugou#bnha bakugo katsuki#bnha oc#mha x reader#mha fanfiction#mha bakugo katsuki#mha bakugo x reader#mha bnha
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Author's Note: AHHHH! I can't believe I'm releasing my first ever fic/headcannon/idk. This isn't the greatest, I kind of wrote it in a short time frame, BUT I hope you guys enjoy it! 🥹
You had been feeling sick for a few days now- massive headaches, exhaustion that left you wanting to nap every hour, and food aversions, especially to Hayden’s famous blueberry pie (which you used to love). So, like any normal woman whose sex life consisted of making love at like 5 times a week (mainly unprotected recently), you decided to order a few pregnancy tests on Amazon. You told Hayden right away because, let’s be honest, he was the practical one in this situation. He suggested ordering the tests online to avoid awkward run-ins with nosy neighbors or paparazzi. Living on a secluded farm had its perks, but shipping times weren’t one of them. It took a week for the tests to arrive, during which your suspicions grew stronger thanks to the morning sickness that hit you like clockwork every day. When the package finally arrived, he trudged through the fresh snow, retrieved it, and brought it straight to you. "Here you go, sweetheart," he said with a soft smile, though you could tell he was holding back his own nervous excitement. You grabbed a test and ran to the bathroom. Hayden paced outside the door, trying to play it cool but failing miserably. When the result showed positive, you walked out, teary-eyed and smiling, and showed him the test. His face lit up as he hugged you tightly, kissing your forehead. "We're having a baby," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. From that moment on, he was completely in dad mode.
================================================
Pregnancy brought out a whole new side of Hayden. He flat-out banned you from cooking. "You’re growing a whole human. The least I can do is handle dinner," he’d say, gently nudging you away from the kitchen. And it wasn’t just meals—Hayden insisted on taking over most of the chores, leaving you to rest and focus on the baby.
When it came to cravings, Hayden was an absolute champion. Wake up at 2 AM wanting cheese pizza and chocolate-covered pickles? No problem—he was on it without a second thought, even if it meant a midnight run into town. If you craved something else while he was already making dinner, he’d simply adjust. "Don't worry about it," he’d say, kissing your temple. "I’ll save this for later and make whatever you want."
================================================
Hayden quickly learned that pregnancy mood swings were no joke. One minute, you’d be laughing at something silly he said, and the next, you’d be crying because he was burnt to a fucking crisp in a movie he was in 20 years ago. One evening, you were in the kitchen crying over a broken cookie. “It was perfect,” you sniffled, holding up the two halves like they were shattered glass. Hayden walked in, took one look at the situation, and gently plucked the cookie from your hands.
“Sweetheart, it’s still going to taste the same,” he said softly, taking a bite and offering you the other half. You glared at him through your tears but took the piece anyway, pouting.
“It’s not about the cookie,” you mumbled, and he nodded, letting you vent about how everything felt overwhelming lately. He didn’t try to fix it; he just listened, rubbing soothing circles on your back until you calmed down.
Another time, you got unreasonably mad at him for finishing the last of the orange juice, even though he didn’t realize you wanted it. “You’re supposed to know these things!” you exclaimed, crossing your arms. Instead of arguing, Hayden raised his hands in surrender. “You’re right. I should’ve asked before drinking it. I’ll go get more right now.”
You felt guilty the moment the words left your mouth and tried to stop him, but Hayden just kissed your forehead. “It’s okay. I’ll be back in ten minutes,” he said, grabbing his coat. True to his word, he returned with not one but three cartons of orange juice. “Just in case,” he teased, earning a laugh from you despite yourself. Hayden also became an expert at reading your moods. If you seemed cranky, he’d quietly bring you a snack or run you a bath. If you were teary-eyed, he’d snuggle up with you on the couch and let you cry into his chest while he stroked your hair. He never made you feel bad for the rollercoaster of emotions—you were carrying his baby, after all.
“Your body’s doing something incredible,” he told you one night after a particularly emotional day. “I’ll take a few mood swings over what you’re going through any day.”
================================================As your pregnancy progressed and your body continued to change, it wasn’t always easy to feel confident. There were moments when you’d catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and struggle to recognize the reflection staring back. The swollen ankles, the stretch marks, the way your clothes no longer fit quite right—it all felt overwhelming at times.
One evening, after a long day, you stood in front of the bathroom mirror, examining the curve of your belly and the way your favorite dress stretched tightly across your body. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as the insecurities crept in. Hayden found you like that, staring silently at your reflection, and he instantly knew something was wrong.
“Hey,” he said softly, stepping into the room. “What’s going on?”
You hesitated, trying to brush it off, but the lump in your throat made it hard to speak. Finally, you mumbled, “I just… I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel huge and uncomfortable, and I don’t even look good in anything anymore.”
Hayden’s expression softened as he moved closer, wrapping his arms gently around you from behind. He rested his chin on your shoulder, looking at your reflection in the mirror with you. “Sweetheart, you’re growing our baby,” he said, his voice full of awe and love. “You’re doing something so amazing, and I wish you could see how beautiful you are to me.”
You sniffled, leaning into his embrace. “I don’t feel beautiful.”
He turned you around to face him, cupping your cheeks in his hands. “Then let me remind you,” he said firmly but lovingly. “I see the woman I fell in love with, the one who’s giving me the greatest gift I could ever imagine. Your body is changing because it’s creating a little life—a life we made together. That’s incredible.”
He kissed your forehead, then each cheek, and finally your lips, as if sealing his words with his touch. “I know it’s hard to see it right now, but you’re absolutely breathtaking to me. Every curve, every stretch mark, every little change—it’s all a part of this journey, and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”
His words melted some of your self-doubt, and you found yourself smiling softly. “You always know what to say,” you whispered, resting your hands on his chest.
“That’s because I mean every word,” he replied, pulling you closer. “And if you ever feel this way again, you just come to me, okay? I’ll remind you as many times as you need.”
That night, as you lay in bed, Hayden pulled you close, wrapping his arms protectively around you. His hand rested gently on your belly, where your baby was nestled safe and sound. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat against your back was calming, grounding you in his love and reassurance.
“I love you,” he murmured into your hair. “I love everything about you—your strength, your heart, your laugh, and yes, even the way you’ve been stealing my pillows lately.”
You couldn’t help but laugh softly, your insecurities slowly melting away in the warmth of his embrace. “It’s not stealing if I need them,” you teased, feeling lighter than you had in days.
“Fair point,” he chuckled. “Anything you need, you can have. Always.”
As he continued to hold you, Hayden started humming a soft melody—one you recognized as a song he often played on the piano. The sound wrapped around you like a blanket, soothing and full of love. You smiled, closing your eyes, feeling a tiny flutter from your belly as if the baby wanted to join in.
“See?” Hayden whispered, his voice filled with awe. “Even they know how amazing you are.”
Tears pricked at your eyes, but this time they weren’t from sadness. They were tears of gratitude, of love, of feeling completely cherished by the man who was not only your partner but your greatest source of strength.
In that moment, you realized something important: no matter how much your body changed, no matter how many ups and downs you faced during this journey, you had Hayden by your side—your anchor, your cheerleader, and the person who would always remind you just how much you were loved.
As sleep began to take over, you whispered back, “I love you, too. More than anything.”
And with that, surrounded by Hayden’s love and the gentle promise of the life you were building together, you drifted off to sleep, dreaming of the beautiful family waiting for you both just around the corner.
THE END
================================================OH MY GODDD AHHH YOU MADE IT TO THE END!
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Malevolent - Arthur and Grief
Reblogs much appreciated
Memento Mori - Crywank // Malevolent - Part 20 // Christina Marie Brown, Ghost I // Malevolent - Part 20 // @/ojibwa // Malevolent - Part 12 // Stephen Dobyns, Grief // Malevolent - Coda // Nunemaker's Parable - Everybody's Worried About Owen // Malevolent - Part 18 // song for a lover - of long ago - Justin Vernon // Malevolent - Part 13 // Stephen Dobyns, Grief // Malevolent - Part 31 // C.S. Lewis // Malevolent - Part 21 // Trista Mateer, Cold Spot // @/robertszombie-deactivated202407 // Malevolent - Part 20 // C.S. Lewis // Malevolent - Part 26 // Youadan Teddy // Malevolent - Part 33 // Lisel Mueller, When I Am Asked // Adrienne Kalfopoulou, "Poem in Pieces, a Log," A History of Too Much // Malevolent - Part 20 // @/jb-blunk // Harriet Caie, Who Wears Grief Long // Anne Carson, The Glass Essay // Malevolent - Part 20
Everyone I love is gonna die And I will die as well I think about this before I sleep And have since I was a child
THE KING: Death surrounds you, Arthur. It stalks you like a black shadow that takes everything you touch away. You're cursed. You're damaged. A boy playing with matches that kills everyone sleeping in the house, while you escape unscathed.
There's a ghost in the house. But, I've learned that the house is me. And the ghost is also me.
And I would lie, if not to say, our relationship was pure, I am young, a cause of grief, Of this I am quite sure.
Grieving, grieving, constantly grieving. I mourn what could have been, what will not be, what I can't save.
ARTHUR: Hello? Faroe, darling? KING IN YELLOW/ "JOHN": Why is this the memory you refuse to let go of?
To say your name was to be surrounded by feathers and silk; now, reaching out, I touch glass and barbed wire.
FAROE: Dada.
Turns out that the god he found was just a little girl Sitting on a swingset Just a little girl She said "Mister, you look tired I will let you go, but first I think that what you're asking for It just might make things worse"
THE KING (a whispered version of John's voice): Let her go. (Thunder rumbles) (A melancholy tune starts to play) ARTHUR: I will not. Not her. Not ever.
I have buried you In every place I've been You keep ending up In my shaking hands
JOHN: Call it embracing my human side, but I've learned that I can choose what I want to remember. No different than you. (Faroe's Song plays.) ARTHUR: You think I can choose what to remember?
I was dancing when I learned of your death; may my feet be severed from my body.
KELLIN: There's that fire that burned her. ARTHUR: Shut up! (Arthur starts to repeat 'this isn't real', very softly.) KELLIN: That burned so bright it brought your house down around you! That drowned your girl!
I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.
ENTITY: If you go out there, we'll both die. ARTHUR: I don't care! You're not fucking John, you're not my friend, you're a goddamn parasite!
every ghost story sounds like a love note if I use the right tone of voice. Which is to say- I don't always know the difference between haunting and hanging on.
"don't live in the past" okay well the people I loved are there
ARTHUR (passionate): Because I can't lose another person! (He breathes hard.)
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.
ARTHUR (quietly pleased): Yes. Yes. Why did that pop into my head? You - You said bedrock. That's something that Parker would say. I hadn't heard it before him. (In a deeper, less accented tone, as if mimicking Parker's voice) 'You look like you've hit bedrock, friend.' (Returns to normal voice.) I wonder why that popped in...
At the end of the day, there is only you and your grief; reluctantly dancing, trying to avoid stepping on each other's toes, and occasionally failing. You'll dance until you've become familiar with one another. And I know people quiet the song, pause the dance - but when you go home and finally manage to fall asleep, grief will gently shake you awake and you'll have no choice but to dance again, your footsteps echoing with the weight of it all.
JOHN: It will drown you.
I sat on a gray stone bench ringed with the ingenue faces of pink and white impatiens and placed my grief in the mouth of language, the only thing that would grieve with me.
Grief will keep you reaching back / for what is not there
And there are nights, where he needs you, and he still crawls out of bed, And walks towards your bedroom door, before recalling that you're dead.
I want it back = I drag its dead weight forward
Incurious and undesiring, With memories for daily wine and bread, He goes his way, no more requiring. Take grief away, the man falls dead.
It isn't like taking an aspirin you know, I answer feebly. Dr. Haw says grief is a long process. She frowns. What does it accomplish all that raking up the past? Oh--I spread my hands-- I prevail! I look her in the eye. She grins. Yes you do.
And I want that someone to be you, as I write this, but alas, This pain will linger with me still, I pray this too shall pass."
#statement given [original post]#web weave#arthur malevolent#arthur lester#web weavings#malevolent podcast#malevolent#tw grief#tw death#malevolent spoilers#malevolent faroe#faroe lester#malevolent john#malevolent parker#malevolent 20#malevolent 12#malevolent 18#malevolent coda#malevolent 13#malevolent 31#malevolent 21#malevolent 33#webweaving#Okay this is a very long one hdsjhdjs had a lot to say. Actually hit image limit#Also been working on it foreverrrr#And brain won't read it anymore so it will have to do!!#tw amputation mention
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I'm not sure what part of the above gave you the impression I want characters to have "textbook perfect relationships". Because I don't believe that's something I've ever suggested; not here and not in anything else I've written.
I like it when characters have messy, flawed and imperfect relationships. I like it when those flawed relationships are the catalyst for the plot to advance. I like characters who misunderstand each other, or are a little bit hypocritical, or who have a sense of themselves that isn't really accurate.
I don't at all care for the popular fandom version of Giles as somebody who is -- or should have been -- a flawless and faultless father figure to not just Buffy but all her other teenage friends. I don't think that's who the character in the show is, and I think he -- and the show -- would have been much more boring if he was.
(At the same time, I'm not sure this particular fandom reading is necessarily very modern: I've read things written ten, fifteen or even twenty-five years ago that seem to assume that Giles is best understood as The Group Dad. People were wrong about it then and they're wrong about it now, but I don't think it's a recent idea.)
I like the fact that Buffy and Giles's relationship is, at its core, a little bit messed up. That both of them care about each other more than they think the other would want them to admit; that Giles does seem to see Buffy as something like a daughter while, at the same time, being aware that he's responsible for telling her she can't have a normal life and training her to face the prospect of violent death every night. I think that's kind of the emotional heart of the show, at least for the first couple of seasons.
Equally, I like the fact that Giles never seems to notice how much Xander looks up to him and craves his approval; how he turns an almost intentional blind eye to all the hints we get about Xander's dreadful home life; how Xander remains, to him, little more than Buffy and Willow's rather boorish and lazy friend whose jokes and company he can sometimes barely tolerate. I think that makes a lot of sense for both their characters.
I don't particularly need a character to be sympathetic to find them interesting, and indeed I don't -- outside of his relationship with Buffy -- find Giles sympathetic most of the time. I've met a few people with similar backgrounds to Giles in my life, and I can't say any of us were happier for it. But as a fictional character, I do find Giles compelling. I wouldn't post about him if I didn't.
The specific issue I have with Giles and Faith in Season 3 is that there is a vast gulf between what the show is actually depicting and the story which the writers seem to think they are telling. I don't think any of the messiness or flaws here are at all intentional or that the show will ever think to do anything creative with them. I don't think the writers realize quite how dreadfully Giles comes across.
Faith isn't just some random teenage friend of Buffy, like Xander or Cordelia or Willow. She is a Slayer with a dead Watcher and absolutely no other support system, living alone in a strange town. I don't think it's possible to pretend Giles doesn't have a duty of care towards her. At the end of her first appearance on the show, Giles explicitly volunteers for the job of -- in his own words -- looking after her. Specifically, he tells Buffy that:
"The council has approved our request. Faith is to stay here indefinitely. I'm to look after you both until a new Watcher is assigned."
A new Watcher isn't assigned until after Giles himself is fired, so Giles is -- by his own request! -- the sole adult figure responsible for looking after Faith from that point until then. And what does he do to "look after" Faith? What does he try to do? The answer, as far as we can tell on the basis of the evidence provided on screen, is: nothing. He ignores her as much as possible, only trains her when she's with Buffy anyway, doesn't ever ask himself what she's up to when she's not Slaying or waiting for orders in the library of the school she isn't enrolled at, and then -- when she gets into trouble, when she does something that we know Giles himself once did as a young man (an accident after which he was supported and protected by the Council) -- his only priority is protecting "his" Slayer, the (better mannered, more middle class, more respectable) teenage girl he actually likes. He blithely talks about needing to make Faith "think" he was on her side, but ignores the fact that he literally agreed months ago to be on her side. That that was a responsibility he personally requested.
Again, if the writers wanted this to be deliberate, that would be fine. I'd think rather poorly of GIles, sure -- more so than usual, even -- but there is clearly a potentially interesting story to be had there. Only, it seems pretty clear that this isn't the story the writers think they've told at all.
At no point is Giles's own role in Faith's descent to the dark side ever addressed. There is absolutely no pay-off or follow through for the things I'm complaining about. At no point does anybody on screen wonder why Giles didn't try to find somewhere for Faith to live, or react more like the way he did last year when it was Buffy who he believed had killed a man, or why he seems to have forgotten that he not only agreed but asked for the job of looking after Faith. We are seemingly not meant to think Giles has done (or failed to do) anything remarkable.
After this season, when Faith appears on Angel, she will talk as if Wesley was her Watcher all along, and Giles was exclusively Buffy's Watcher. That Wesley is the Watcher she thinks somehow let her down. The show will act as if that is true, and as if what she's saying makes sense, but it isn't and it doesn't. In Season 3, Wesley only arrived in Sunnydale to take over the role of both Buffy and Faith's Watcher. Giles was the sole Watcher responsible for looking after Faith for months. He was the only adult in her life for the large majority of her time living in Sunnydale. In fact, Wesley was actually Buffy's Watcher -- at least officially -- for longer than he was ever Faith's Watcher. And Faith never takes him seriously as a Watcher, the way that Buffy does at first.
Giles as Faith's acting Watcher isn't something the show comes back to when Faith returns to Buffy either. In the seventh season of the show, Faith and Giles only briefly interact. We see Giles telling Faith at one point that she's "doing fine" as the group's temporary leader (she isn't, but okay...), but the only suggestion here is that Faith has reformed enough to have earned Giles' approval. There is again no suggestion that Giles ever did anything wrong by her, or that the crux of this scene should in fact be her deciding whether to forgive him.
If the writers had meant Giles's relationship to Faith to be deliberately complicated or imperfect, these all seem like rather strange choices. It seems pretty clear that we aren't meant to think Giles did anything particularly wrong or noteworthy or objectionable at all.
Only, as actually written, he did. He very obviously did. And the writers just aren't interested in taking that seriously.
The point of my post isn't that I think Faith and Giles should have had a "perfect relationship" or that there's no place for stories about Giles not being especially good at his job. I'm not suggesting that the writers should have tried to tell a different story. I'm arguing that, with a few small changes, they'd have done a better job of telling the story that they were seemingly trying to tell all along.
Anyway, I do think you can preserve almost all of the core of Faith's arc in Season 3 and still present Giles in a much more favorable light than canon with only a very few minor tweaks.
At some point, in one of the early season episodes that Faith doesn't otherwise appear in -- Band Candy, say -- in a scene featuring just Buffy and Giles together, have Buffy comment on Faith's absence, wonder out loud if being alone in her motel room is good for her, and have Giles say something to the effect of "Perhaps you're right to be concerned, but we must respect Faith's wishes. In fact I offered to arrange for more salubrious lodgings when it became clear she would be staying with us for a while, but she assured me she was quite all right where she is." Because, look, of course if an older man she didn't really know offered to set Faith up with a nicer place to stay for free she was going to say no. Of course that doesn't mean she's actually happy living in a motel in the bad part of town, and of course she's still impressed when the Mayor gets her an apartment and clearly doesn't want anything from her in return (or, at least, he's only looking for wholesome family-friendly murder and torture and treason, not what she'd expect him to want). But at least this way we can point to evidence Giles actually tried to do the right thing. The thing that he explicitly volunteered to do.
In Helpless, when Buffy complains about Faith being "off on one of her unannounced walkabouts", don't have Giles -- who at this very moment is not interested in training Buffy but instead setting her up for the events of Cruciamentum -- remark snidely that "Faith is not interested in proper training", but instead explicitly link back to the events of Revelations. Have him remind Buffy that Faith took Mrs Post's betrayal very badly and say that he's deliberately letting her take a break from training for a bit because he thinks it will give her some time to recover emotionally. And, again, Giles wouldn't be right to think this -- Faith would be better off if she was spending time with other people -- but at least we'd get less of an impression that, after Post arrived, Giles decided he was done being Faith's temporary replacement Watcher and that he didn't really care what happened to her afterwards (even after Post was exposed as a fraud).
The key things you need to have happen in Consequences are (a) Faith lies to Giles and says Buffy killed Finch; (b) Giles talks to Buffy privately and they both acknowledge that actually Faith killed Finch; (c) Wesley overhears this conversation and calls in the Council to take Faith back to England. You don't actually need Giles to suggest he was only pretending to be on Faith's side to humor her; you don't need him to be so skeptical when Buffy talks about helping Faith. You could instead have Giles remind Buffy that he himself killed somebody by accident when he was not much older than Faith, and have him say that he pretended to believe her simply because -- knowing what she had to be going through -- he thought it would be better to humor her than provoke a confrontation. Rather than just have him dismiss her as "unstable" and "unwilling to accept responsibility", make the parallels with Giles's own backstory explicit. "In Faith's shoes, I would be -- I was -- unstable. Unpredictable. I needed time to accept responsibility." When Buffy suggests she could talk to her, rather than just sigh and look skeptical, Giles could apolgetically reference his own role in the Cruciamentum a few episodes earlier, and use that as a reason why Faith might not be willing to trust him yet. Instead of just ... nobody suggesting Giles talk to her, even when agreeing that perhaps somebody other than Buffy should.
And really, none of what Buffy and Giles plan at this point really even matters, because all we need to happen next is for Xander to admit that he slept with Faith and that he assumes this means they have "a connection", Buffy and Willow to react to that, and then for Xander to decide to go talk to her alone to prove his point. And then we proceed as before to Faith attacking him, Angel coming to the rescue, and then the rest of the episode as normal (including with Faith going off to tell the Mayor she heard he had a job opening).
In fact arguably I think this version of events actually works better, because after Consequences (and before the reveal in Enemies) the show actually does proceed on the basis that Giles is willing to help Faith and supervize her post-manslaughter evaluation and recovery. It has to, because if he insists she's a lost cause and can't be trusted from the beginning there's no Enemies and no chance for her to betray Buffy and the gang. So there wasn't really any actual story-driven need for Giles to seem so reluctant about trying to help Faith in the first place, was there?
I mean, in the actual show I think nobody knew at the time what Faith's arc was going to be, and that era of the show wasn't quite as dedicated to continuity as it would be later and didn't like throwing in so many references to past episodes. And the show never actually does take Giles's role in the Cruciamentum seriously after Helpless, or have Giles mention Randall's death after season 2 (Ted is the last time he's mentioned, right?). But in hindsight I think something like this -- even if it couldn't have happened -- would better balance the actual story that you want to tell about Faith with the goal of having Giles seem rather more admirable and sympathetic than his treatment of Faith ends up making him look.
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I wish life was as simple as googling "is X normal?" and then it tells you yes or no and elaborates on what to do if the answer is no
#king posts#like ''no but it's fine'' or ''no get fucking help immediately''#I've been having such a fixation on normalcy recently (if you couldn't fucking tell)#and it's doing number on my mental health (again... if you couldn't tell)#like I don't CARE about being normal#I never really have#but I just want to KNOW if it's normal or not#I want to know if I am being abnormal or not#I don't want to be living like it's normal if it isn't#I want to know what's wrong with me#I want a name for it#I want to know exactly is wrong so I don't have to keep worrying about it#so I can be like ''yeah I'm weird because if X''#instead of just ''I'm weird and I don't know why''#I Do Not Like That™#I need ✨therapy✨#but I'll never get it -w-#because in order to do that I'd need to tell people in my real life what's wrong#and I would rather die than do that :)#it's a miracle I ever came out as trans tbh
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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Controversial opinion: Vox's design sucks
...
Because he should be wearing a NORMAL TIE. not a BOWTIE. It would:
Add to his businessman persona
Give a place for that wifi symbol to go that isn't awkward
Be a good opposing design to Alastor's bowtie
Potentially give the idea he's moved away (or attempting to) from Alastor. Especially if they had it that Vox USED to wear a bowtie.
Also, we joke about it but seriously, why does everyone have a bowtie when it doesn't make sense for some characters like Husk--
I rest my case your honors.
...
Rebuttle:
Vox having the bowtie could signify him latching onto his past with Alastor and not being able to move on
#DAMMIT. FOILED BY MYSELF ONCE AGAIN#Oh don't mind me just having a two way debate with myself#We all know the bowtie was just cuz Viv happens to like that on her characters#which we all have a sort of favorite go to design element so can't blame her#(even if on a professional level maybe that shouldn't be the case but I digress. She's fair to live her bowtie dreams)#But think of the SYMBOLISM that isn't actually there#Which fair. This is 100% one of those things fans might look more into than the creator and the creator is justified not thinking it#Bowties are deep and complex now#Vox like a cat or dog not wanting to get clothes put on them when Velvette tries to put him in a normal ass tie is a fun visual at least#Vel: “Vox if you want a more professional look you need to get rid of the bowtie.”#Vox: “No. I refuse. I must prove I wear a bowtie better than Alastor.”#celtrist#cel rambles#hazbin hotel#hellaverse#hazbin hotel design#hazbin hotel critique#hazbin vox#hazbin hotel vox#vox the tv demon
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what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?
It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:
During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.
Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.
I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:
I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.
The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.
This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.
The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.
I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.
#ivan u fucked up little guy.#also okay i just wanna clear this up#i know i make a lot of posts about ivans darker side and his more problematic traits#but this isn't me trying to villainize him or reduce him down to “toxic yaoi”#I HOPE YOU GUYS KNOW ALL MY TOXIC YAOI POSTS ARE LIGHTHEARTED.#i just want to clarify that ivan was always intended to be a darker and complicated character. even since his debut in round 3#the way i refer to ivan (“twisted” “creepy” “obssessive” etc) are literally the direct words used by q and v themselves to describe him#but despite that id like to emphasize that i don't see ivan as a villain or a completely bad person. hes complicated#there is no normalcy in this world they are living in. none of the characters know what being truly normal is#this isn't me condoning his actions#but it has to be acknowledged that alnst is fucked up in nature. we can't expect perfect relationships from people who are born to die#plus ivan has a lot more layers past the “dark” parts. he's constantly battling himself and his desires#especially at the end of round 6 where he performs a myriad of conflicting actions (kiss strangle peck smile)#thanks to the r6 production notes we now know that ivan was going through a rapid internal conflict#“sure and unsure at the same time”#there is sooo much to ivan. his low self-esteem. his desire and possessiveness despite knowing till will never love him#his VEHEMENT insistence that till will never love him vs his desperate persistence in trying anyway#uh i need to shut up i think#anyways sorry. just wanted to clarify my thoughts on him in case people think im. yk.#in short. hes a fucked up little freak and he fascinates me. this poor tragic child. i love him.#SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY#alnst#alien stage#alien stage ivan#alnst ivan#asks
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Full disclosure I'm a couple episodes behind in WWW, so I'm not 100% on every thing that's being discoursed about, but I've seen enough that I just want to remind people/beg people to remember:
You are watching The Nuance Show, DMed by Mr. Philosophical Nuance and played by Notable Lovers of Nuance.
#I've just seen some real ice cold takes that seemingly want to strip all nuance out of wbn and like...my guy...it's The Nuance Show#worlds beyond number#might delete later this isn't that spicy but it's spicier than I normally get#I'm just so tired.#Also some of y'all have nerves of steel posting some of the shit you do knowing full well that Aabriya Herself lives here#discourse#wbn discourse#I don't think this is really discourse but it's about the discourse soooooo tagging it
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