#I don't wanna take my nausea meds

[zanarkandfayth]

how can a turkey sandwich leave me feeling so sick? god I'm so tired of this misery. YOU'RE GONE GALLBLADDER, STOP DOING THIS.

[bellysoupset]

Can you do a mini for the prompt “poor baby I’m here” and “did you just go throw up?” Preferably one for each of my girls bell and Wendy with their S/O if for one just bell then 🩷🏳️

"Have you considered," Bella's voice was strained, whole face pinched with pain, "killing me now and sparring me the agony?"

"I'm not fit for a widower, it'd be murder-suicide, babe," Lucas joked back, just as darkly, wrapping his arms around her from behind and placing a kiss on her cheek, "did the meds not do anything?"

"I wouldn't know, I puked them up," Bella scoffed, bracing against the doorway as there was another stab of pain on her lower back. She spent 70% of her day sitting down, due to her home-office job, which already didn't help her lumbar, no matter how well she tried to straighten her spine. Add to that a vicious period and she was about to collapse.

"Oh baby," Luke cooed, rubbing her arms, "do you want to try again? How can I help?"

"Uhm," she squeezed her eyes against yet another stab, pressing her forehead to the door she was bracing against and breathing slowly through her mouth, "I feel sick, Luke..."

It wasn't exactly nausea, but pain. Churning inside her stomach, burning her back, little ripples going down her legs. She felt like her soft sweatpants were squeezing her tightly like a toothpaste tube, despite the fact they were hanging low on her hips. The crop top was clinging to her, she was clammy all over, and Bella didn't even try to muffle the burp that came up as her stomach soured thanks to the pain.

"Alright," Luke moved so he wasn't behind her, but rather crouched down and carefully slipped between her arms braced against the door, so they were nose to nose, "arms around my neck, Bell."

She didn't even have to obey, her arms were shaking with the effort of holding up her weight and she promptly let them fall on her husband's shoulders.

Bridal carry was more romantic, but truth be told, she wanted to be laying down now and had no energy to get in whatever position was necessary and Luke could tell. Instead, he grabbed her tights and then in one swift motion pulled her off the ground, holding her up like a toddler in a koala hug.

Bella collapsed against him, muffling another little burp against his shoulder as Luke huffed, but carefully carried her the short distance between their kitchen and living room, so he could lower her against the cushions. Those ten steps had seemed like an infinitesimal distance.

"Rub my back?" Her voice was muffled by his shirt, but Luke heard her loud and clear. Instead of planting her on the couch, he turned them around, so he was the one who had his back against the cushions and she was lying on top of him. Then he pushed down the back of her pants, so he could plant his warm hands against her lower back and start to roll his thumbs in soothing little circles.

Bella let out a whimper, a mix between pain and relief at the backrub, curling up so she could press her chin to his shoulder and stare at their living room rug. Lying on her stomach was helping the burning on her lumbar, but was doing nothing for her unsettled belly.

Luke planted the heel of his hands on her back, rolling it up and down all the way from her coccyx to her ribs, putting just the right amount of pressure-

"Oh God, wait-" Bella groaned, shuffling slightly as her stomach soured even more and a wave of nausea washed over her, "fuck, Luke, I'm gonna throw up-"

He was trapped under her and moving would make her puke, something that Lucas clearly figured out, because he didn't move a muscle, except for curling his arm hanging from the couch so she could grab on it, the other hand moving up her back so he could hold her curls.

"Aw baby, I'm here..." he said softly, "take a deep breath, I'll deal with whatever mess."

Her eyes prickled and Bella let out a groan, fried nerves due to the pain and period overtly emotional state, "I don't wanna be sick..."

"Don't think about it," Luke turned his head, pressing a haphazard kiss to her temple, "I got you."

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

You're feeling ill: COD headcanons

[MY MASTERLIST]

Rating: G Words: 600~ Pairing: none tags: SFW!, fluff, gn!reader, recovering from sickness, comfort. a/n: I'm feeling **so** sick (have a migraine) and decided to write these while waiting for my sleep aids to kick in.

Ghost: He's very caretaking-oriented and less so comforting. Clogged nose? He gets you a nasal spray and tissues. Hungry? Have some soup. Nauseous? Tea and saltines. Migraine? Turns off the lights and tells you to sleep. It sucks if you wanna cuddle and bask in his warmth because he will make you have the bed all for yourself so you can get better. Nonetheless, he's very efficient at taking care of you.

Price: This man is chronically sick. Not a day goes by where he's not nauseous or got a headache. (He joked about it in MW3, but frankly sounds accurate considering his high-stress job). This means that his perspective is a bit skewed. Will probably ask you "Are you sick enough that it's affecting your ability to work/study?" and when you say yes, will make sure to get you to bed and put a few meds, tissues, water bottles within your reach. Probably won't cuddle or coddle you, but will check in on you periodically and tuck you into bed with forehead kisses and words of encouragement.

Soap: (Is probably the reason you're sick in the first place) Will be miserable with you in bed. Everytime you sniffle or complain, he'll be right there with you, holding you close and grumbling "I ken, bonnie lass" in your ear. Will likely be all over you, hesitant to leave your side for longer than to get you things you need. Doesn't mind that you're sweaty/feverish/weak, he's rubbing himself on you like a puppy that's trying to lick you better.

Gaz: The man is a saint. He'll wrap his arms around you and kiss your forehead and rock you a little bit side to side until you fall asleep on top of him. Won't even complain about your bad breath when you have to mouthbreathe because of your clogged nose. Won't complain when you need to be away because you're overheating. Won't complain when you need all the lights off or the room to be cold either.

Alejandro: Remembers all the home remedies his mama used to use when he was little. 7Up for upset tummies, Caldo de Pollo for colds, loads of herbal tea, and Vicks VapoRub for literally any and every ailment. Will also hold you close, probably sit by your side and hold your hand and kiss the back of it while you groggily complain about how bad you feel.

Rodolfo: Also uses home remedies ^ but is a lot more likely to rush off to the pharmacy (even if it's the middle of the night!) to get you actual medication, especially when you're complaining about something specific like a headache or sore muscles. Will bathe you if you have a fever and feel gross and sweaty. Will spoon you from behind and play with your hair until you doze off.

Graves: Will let you groan and huff about how sick you feel. Probably teases you a bit when your voice gets nasally or hoarse, but will proceed to take care of you. Also whenever you get light-headed, he finds it to be hilarious. He parks you on the living room couch with blankets and pillows, tells you to tell him what you need and gets it for you. Also purposely makes you take copious amounts of Nyquil to knock you out.

König: Subscribes to the German (yes, I know he's Austrian) way of thinking that fresh air (and water) fixes everything!. Your head hurts? "Here, drink Wasser". You have a fever? "You need Lüften, I will open the window". You have cramps/nausea? "You need fresh air. Let's go for a walk. It will make you teel better." He means well and, granted, most of it works!! But my God, man, you don't want to go for a 3km hike when you feel like you're going to vomit.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

hey maggots, it's Asmi again at half past 2 am, I think I may have just got a lung infection and stomach infection. if i don't reply to you via asks/dms/etc just know this is why. im so sorry for the ramble, the meds are here as well as the sickness now, and it's way too late. oops.

i'm making a post here because if i disappear mid-chat/DMs with any of you all, don't worry about me, okay? my body since today afternoon has been seizing up periodically due to whichever infections and it genuinely feels like I might faint when it happens. needless to say, i have to rapidly leave whatever chat i'm on to try and fix it. just wanted to tell you all now because it might happens without warning, my immune system is fucked up (read: I don't take care of my body) and i don't take kindly to being ill.

it's kinda bleurgh.

this is why i hurt whenever i see crowley, well, at least one of the reasons. no one goes and hugs him when the bentley is one fire.

i'm usually the one doing the comforting, and it feels kind of miserable right now. my mum's handling too much on her own so i can't lean on anyone irl for comfort.

i just want to say thank you all, because for the first time I've felt comforted. and right now that is so important to me, because my body is suddenly a wreck and there isn't anyone who'll just by me and give me a hug and tell me how everything will be fine. but you all keep reminding me that i'm loved and cared for.

that means a lot. i love you all.

i wanna type more but it's better that I go to sleep before another bought of nausea/pain. i can already hear you yelling at me, maggots, i will see the doctor tomorrow if it doesn't abate, i promise. okay?

alright running on borrowed time i love you all please take of yourself better than I do of myself. this has got very sentimental it was supposed to be a practical update about the DMs replying thing. oops. but i mean all of it.

byebye i hope it doesn't get worse this kind of is awful.

[cleoselene]

My roommate ordered pizza for us all last night from our favorite place, this Uncle Rico's joint that's across the street practically. It won a national pizza contest for traditional and god it is some immaculate stuff

also got super stoned. I've switched to lozenges mostly lately? Edibles are great but when your tolerance gets high enough eating it straight up starts to feel wasteful. A normie casual pothead can eat a 10mg gummy and feel blasted. I take 500mg and I feel. pretty good. So it just started to get EXPENSIVE

But lozenges you suck on them and they absorb under the tongue and enter straight into the blood stream and it is a WAY more efficient way of consuming than straight up edibles. I was downing 500-700mg of RSO to get something going, but a 100mg bag of lozenges gets me HIGH ALL DAY. like ALL day.

Anyway the lozenges help with the nausea i have from the pain meds. All out of anxiety meds sadly but my roommates have been wonderful. Like they are devasted to lose Ernie, too, but they have been just so sweet and loving to my depressed ass

watching that Escaping Twin Flames documentary. damn cults are fucking fascinating but bewildering to me how people get caught up in it. Though this one woman who was ex-military said one of the reasons she didn't question her cult leader's fucked up orders was because she'd been conditioned in the military to obey and I was like, QUE INTERESANTE, HMM? Definitely says something about what military training does to a person.

Been doing battleground in WoW all week. PvP is really satisfying when you feel like shit. Alterac Valley is my favorite so I'm glad Korrak's Revenge is running now.

anyway, protip: if you lost a pet, never go to the subreddit for it. I thought it might be helpful but so many people were discussing how guilty they felt for euthanizing their pet, and I hadn't felt that way, UNTIL I READ EVERYONE ELSE FEELING IT. And it made me feel like some kind of monster who threw my baby's life away. It is an irrational fear, I know. he was like 12 years old and the vet said he had more problems aside from the cancer that had spread all over his body, and seeing him suffer that last 24 hours was intolerable, for both of us. I would get upset and he would sense that he was upsetting me and it was just a cycle. I know I did the right thing. The vet was trying to convince me it was the right thing. But god if that subreddit wasn't a lesson in "never go to the internet for anything"

I will get another dog, I just don't know when. When Bobo died I literally went to the shelter the next day and got Ernie. But I was living alone in a city I hated with no friends, that companionship wasn 't something I could just give up and stay sane in grad school. But now I have roommates, and a couple dogs in the house, so we'll see. I want a young dog, maybe even a puppy, even though my mom is pleading with me not to. I just don't want to go through this for another ten years at least, it's just gutted me. I got kinda sick this week from immune system crashing/grief/horrible meds

anyway, the weather is really nice. 54 degrees and clear. I had a peppermint hot chocolate to seize the night, not because I am cold (I am never cold lol) but because in usual Florida weather, any hot drink is a no-go. It's so lovely, I am glad it got cold enough to enjoy one

life sure does suck, but love you guys and the people in my life. As Lady Gaga says: if the world was ending, I'd wanna be next to you

[glitterdustcyclops]

i don't wanna get crazy or nothing but i think my appetite might be coming back?

yesterday at ikea i was able to eat a full salad & split a plate of meatballs with my mom

and then i ate 3 pieces of fried chicken for dinner & got hungry again for two more a bit later

i also started eating a croissant after taking my meds and that seems to help with the nausea situation

[calebwittebane]

gaia update!

her next appointment is later today, still monitoring the new tumor before we decide on the next step... sure hope this time chemo ends up being enough, i really dont want her to have to go thru yet another surgery. its a risk every time for an older cat like her. plus its in a difficult spot this time, close to ligaments and stuff. also, and i know its a strange thing to say, in this case her loving me so much actually constitutes something a problem... she fully wakes up the second she hears my voice or smells my presence, when it wouldve been better for her to sleep off the nausea and grogginess for a little longer 😭 but at the same time i dont wanna wait longer to pick her up because i know she'd be very very upset to wake up while i wasn't there. babyyyy

right now shes feeling and looking okay though. she got some anti-inflammatory shots on monday to help with her teefies, cuz her gums had been hurting (probably its cuz her immune system aint doing so hot rn), and it really helped. she ate a LOT yesterday and seemed really content about it. full tummy gaia :) the problem with her and her teeth is that it's kind of a recurring issue, once again probably stemming from her immune system getting kinda overwhelmed, and it makes it hard for her to eat her kibble (even if the bikkies are small, and soaking them isn't an option because she will NOT touch soggy bikkies even if she's very hungry). while id love to just switch her to wet food full time, that makes her poops very soft (very bad news for her and her funny furry pantaloons) and i... dont have the budget for it... i wouldnt give her and amity anything with a vague ingredients list and without stellar reviews, and high quality wet food in the "full meals every day" quantity is just not something i can afford. so she gets a nice spoonful of her favorite wet food (or canned tuna! she loooooves tuna) after taking her meds and thats it. i love that since its a reward for swallowing her pills, and amity gets the wet food too, amity always stands close and bonks gaia beforehand, like she's encouraging her and saying good luck... amity has been very nice to gaia in general lately. i mean she's still a bit of a nuisance to her, just because their personalities clash a little, but shes been trying hard to be very gentle. i loooooove amity's new habit of kissing gaia's paws. it's so sweet and adorable... thats right amity, your big sister is very fancy and chic, with dainty pawsies that need to be kissed!

she's also been very playful, which is good. she's got energy! and a new favorite toy, once again its part of a larger toy amity customized for herself (ripped parts off of) and it's this soft fuzzy orb thing. she's also been a little whiny, but i'm pretty sure that's just her complaining about the heat, it's not uncommon for her in summertime. she feels better when the fan is pointing at her. oh and she hates the lawnmowers outside... i dont wake up from the noises i wake up from her yelling at the noises ajdhfbxkdj. shes so annoyed.

wish it were easier to get a pet groomer appointment in this doggone town. a lion cut would definitely help her cope with the temperatures. plus knowing how funny she looks when her fur is wet id love to see her BALD she would look soooo funny. all the places with good reviews are always fully booked though it seems. swear to god this is all such a scam, Back In My Day if your cat was in surgery you could ask the vet to go ahead and give them a lion cut while they were still under anesthesia lmao. my own clippers just don't work with her fur either, it's too fine and soft. the cons of being a fluffy cloud... a toasted meringue angel... a lovely tiramisu girl... a silly baby s'more... a caramel frappucino princess...

[creetch]

There's a lot of antidepressant negativity in the tags and I totally understand that, if your experience with taking meds hasn't been good it's entirely understandable why you'd want to post and warn people about the potential risks, however I wanna inject some positivity in the tags and share my current experience with Paroxetine.

It's changed my life in such a positive way.

I take Paroxetine for OCD and I feel so much less anxious every day, I don't wake up mid panic attack any more, I'm able to tackle my horrible thoughts much easier using therapy techniques (these thoughts will still come, they always will, but they become so much easier to beat down) and issues I didn't even think were caused by my OCD (problems with articulating myself verbally because of brain fog, desire to reach out to others, sleep problems) have started to really be mended.

In the beginning I will say this - my immediate side effects for the first week or two were really bad. Terrible nausea, major anxiety (as in crazy absurd unexplainable fight or flight when I'm at my workplace, I genuinely was thinking shit like I've GOT to get out of here whilst I was just chatting to a customer) issues with sleeping, eye twitching, excessive yawning, etc, however getting through those two weeks to have months of calm, be free from constant anxiety, and want to live again is worth it.

As for side effects long term, I haven't gained any weight I've actually lost weight as a result of taking Paroxetine. I've lost 5lbs on it, I know it can make you gain weight and that's something a lot of people report but my experience has been the opposite. I have had vivid dreams, but only one vivid nightmare. It's been so worth it for me, so I wanted to share that for others to try to balance the mass negativity towards Paroxetine.

[buckyismybicycle]

I don't know how terrible this quality will be on Tumblr, but the higher resolution/original can be found on AO3!

Title: swim for the music that saves you Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Tags: ShrinkyClinks, Social Media AU, WIP/teaser Summary: It all started when he sent a video singing Happy Birthday to his sister, not knowing that she would post it on her social media.

Now, JBuckyBarnes has millions of followers all hearing his story, following his recovery, listening to him sing. Little does he know, he's going to change the life of one follower in particular.

Steve Rogers, chronically ill and spending most of his days inside, has to live vicariously through others. He longs for adventure, trying new things, feeling the sun on his face. A/N: This fic has been sitting in my drafts for some time now... Thanks to @buckybarnesevents: Alternate June-iverse giving me a little kick, I've decided to post an excerpt/the beginning and the rest of it will come in due course.

“Hiya folks… Well, it was, uh.” The brunette on screen pauses and then smiles sadly. “Alright, you know I can’t lie to you. I wanna say it was fine and dandy, but it was honestly rough. That’s why this video’s a bit late, sorry ‘bout that, by the way. It took longer than I thought it would to edit so I honestly kind of gave up.”

He lays his head in a propped up hand, resting against his piano. 

“So, I got home Sunday afternoon and crashed. I don’t even remember getting into bed. Didn’t sleep through the night, of course. I never do. But! That’s just me, my body’s not a fan of the meds. I was feeling crummy — you know when you’re so hungry you’re nauseous but you can’t eat ‘cause you’re nauseous? Anyway, so that for like, six hours. Finally got to sleep when the sun was risin’ but only managed about an hour or so. You lot haven’t heard Brooklyn traffic.”

Steve can’t help but smirk at that because he has, and he is in fact listening to the god-awful Brooklyn traffic outside his window. He could always move his desk away from the window, but he needs some sort of sunlight from time to time.

The YouTube video plays on his phone while he takes a break from work, stretching and wincing as his joints crack.

“So, it’s like, ten in the mornin’ and I decide I’m gonna get something to eat. Nausea won that round, unfortunately, so by three o'clock I am starving. I was cranky for the whole day, and I don’t wanna make cranky videos for you guys. So, that’s enough rambling from me. My brain’s been a little all over the place so I haven’t written anything in ages, but how about a cover of the best of the best? Thanks for sticking around! Hope you like this one.”

Steve watches as Bucky lifts the cover of his piano and stretches the fingers on his prosthetic. Today, it’s the metal titanium one, with its beautiful plate work and a small Hydra Industries logo on the forearm. 

You gotta swim… Swim for your life

Swim for the music that saves you

When you're not so sure you'll survive

You gotta swim… Swim when it hurts

The whole world is watching

You haven't come this far to fall off the earth

The currents will pull you, away from your love

Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn

Memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun

Cracking the armor, yeah

I swim for brighter days, despite of the absence of sun

Choking on salt water, I'm not giving in, I swim

You gotta swim… through nights that won't end

Swim for your families, your lovers, your sisters, and brothers and friends

Steve listens to the beautiful voice fill the empty space of his studio apartment, caught up in the soft yet powerful melody. What really hits him are the words, though. 

Bucky’s life is no secret — except maybe his real first name because there’s no parent on this planet that hates their kid that much. Steve doesn’t know exactly how Bucky had started off, but the channel was a newer discovery for Steve. 

Well, there it is. As always, thanks so much for tuning in! Hope you liked the song, and maybe I’ll see you guys next time with something original, huh? Bye!” 

[darkacademicvibes]

Who am i?

Because people kept asking, let's make it easier! <3

Obviously my blog name is darkacademicvibes and there is a story behind that, but that's for another time, but you can call me:

Any pet name! (I use pet names for literally anyone and I'm comfortable with being called things like love, babes, sweetheart, any of that stuff!)

Demi (taken from the academic part of my username)

Anything that brings you comfort <3 (E.G someone who makes requests here calls me mum and that's absolutely fine even though I don't know them!)

I'm 18! (Everyone says i seem like I'm 28???)

My house is Hufflepuff and has been since I was eight 💛🖤

Common Questions!:

Do I support J.K. Rowling?

She can eat shit for all I care.

What's your go-to recommendation for a marauders fic?

All the young dudes has my heart in some sort of headlock.

Why do you write marauders fics?

Because they make me and others happy! I enjoy writing, and if I can make others happy with my words than I wanna share!

Do you have any stomachache/cramps/period pain remedies?

I get asked this a lot for some reason but I'm not shy about admitting that I have NASTY periods. Not as bad as other people who have bad periods but still pretty painful, especially because pain killers are useless on me. Here are my main remedies because I thinks it's plain cruel to gatekeep these and I'm excited to hopefully help you cope!

Sore throat - literally just tea! One sugar, black tea, milk, and half a teaspoon of honey mixed in completely. It's soothing and nice and sweet.

Cramps - a heat pack and a damp cloth! Put the heat pack on your stomach, or whatever hurts the most and put the washcloth on your forehead, try taking a nap. It doesn't work all the time, and sometimes it only works a little, but at least it's something.

Nausea - ginger!!! Anything with ginger in it! I know it sounds horrible because ginger is so potent, and it sucks as someone who gets really sick on my period and hates the taste of ginger, but literally anything helps. Ginger and cinnamon tea, pasta with ginger in it, ANYTHING!

Mood swings - my go to for being super emotional is warm milk or a lukewarm hot chocolate. Anything that brings comfort, really. Usually I give my roommate warm milk when she can't sleep because it's what my mum gave me, I put in a little cinnamon, a couple drops of vanilla essence as it simmers and put it into a mug. It's not a real remedy but it's soothing.

Puking - less of a remedy, I think, but when you've finished throwing up, flush the toilet before this, lean over to loo and rub your stomach firmly, make sure to drink water as well and take a moment before you get up. It settles your stomach a little, make sure you can feel the pressure on your stomach, but it shouldn't hurt you!!

Cold sweats - a warm damp cloth over your forehead, it'll warm you up a little and then as it slowly cools to dry, it should stop the sweating. Change and take a nap because damn hun, it's deserved if you have cold sweats.

Sore joints - pressure. Like, full body pressure. One time, my roommate lay on top of me, literal perfection, I felt so much better after 20 minutes of nonstop, comfortable, pressure.

Migraines - very soft, almost muted, music. Something like Lana Del Rey, or Claire Young. Have some pain killers, a warm cup of tea, make sure it's dark, turn of the music and try to sleep. The only remedy I have for these, sadly, is comfortable sleep. As someone very migraine prone (doctors literally gave me meds for it) the only thing I can tell you is to sleep and then have a comforting meal after. Pasta, lasagne, Mac and cheese, cottage pie, even if it's ordered, or leftovers, something simple and cozy is good.

Dizzy spells - if you can, LOTS of rest, and (mainly) ginger. Ginger, rest, and lots of water. Water to the point of peeing every 25 minutes, LOTS of it. Good luck.

Nose bleeds - tilt your head back and pinch the bridge of your nose gently, once it's stopped, rest and water, again. But also, chocolate and pasta. Not together, obviously, but have some pasta with ginger in it (because ginger is good for you, even if you don't have Dizzy spells or Nausea), and then a chocolate snack before a nap.

Misc.!

Movie recs:

A walk to remember

The ugly truth

Can you keep a secret

Braveheart

Oceans 8

The picture of Dorian Grey

Little women

Pride and prejudice

My Sexuality:

pan!

Any personal questions are welcomed but not all will be answered! <3

With love, as always,

Have a good week everyone!

[citrusg1ngertea]

Sewerslide tw under the cut but I need to vent

This year has been a trainwreck so far. My aunt died. Someone I used to be really close with and still cared about died. I had a couple meltdowns. I've been rapid cycling. I lost weeks of my life. I bought a car. I got triggered and quit my REALLY good job with only $500 in my bank account (bc I spent all my money on dumb shit during hypomanic episodes), I paid my drug dealer's $400 electric bill on a whim on the promise that she'd "get me back" when I know she fucking won't. I can't find a job (I mean it's only been 5 days since I quit, but I never don't have a job so it feels like 5 years). The rational part of me knows that it usually takes more than 5 days to find a new job, but I also can't help but think that my former job is sabotaging me telling people I walked out even though it's food service and everything I've applied to is food service and unless it's high end fuck if they check references or call up your old job.

I'm too scared to tell my parents. I still owe my dad $650 and he doesn't know that I sold the car he paid cash for 3 years ago or that I quit my job. I told my mom about the car but she and my step dad essentially mocked my episode and acted like I was using it as an excuse to "treat myself".

I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked. I wanna slit my wrists but I'm always really bad at it do any lethal damage. I can only ever hit styro at the worst and then I usually pass out since I'm drunk while doing it. But right now...I've been drinking. I haven't eaten and I've been drinking a lot. I don't have any oxy, and I know from the past that my tolerance is too high for alcohol and oxy to work. But I have a BUNCH of nausea meds that are actually promethazine. I feel like if I took them while still drinking I could just...go to sleep. And with any luck, I wouldn't have any problems anymore. I wouldn't be mentally ill anymore.

But I never have any luck. I'm too much of a coward and I never do it right. Even when I could so easily make it look like an accident. With all my allergies? Maybe I accidentally ate or drank something I'm allergic to and tried to just sleep it off? It wouldn't be so far-fetched, it's definitely something I would do.

But again, I'm too much of a coward.

Who would take care of my cat? She's 10 years old and I've had her since she was 11 weeks old. Tbh I'm not sure how much I really care about how my family would feel, but no one knows how to take care of my cat like I do. And I'm not fucked up enough to let anything happen to her.

[undoneandtipsy]

11/16/23

Starting this because I need to remember how it is to exist off of meds.

Alright so I've been off of my medication (Sertreline Zoloft) for 6 months now. I initially got off of it because of the sexual side effects and because the constant brain zaps were not worth it.

After getting of of Zoloft the brain zaps have stopped but I've had crippling anxiety and lost most of my connections with my friends because of it, 3 months unmedicated i started going its these weird zone-out bouts where i feel like im playing myself in a video game and nothing's real. I'm also very very paranoid but I was like that when I was on meds too

Anyway, obviously ik i'm not supposed to be off meds because its miserable so I've been trying to get an appointment with a psychiatrist for a very long time. I was finally able to get one after talking to my dad, I asked him what meds I should look into (He works in pharmaceutics) and he suggested Viibryd because he sells a medication called Trintillix, and Viibryd is their competitor but it has always worked from what he's seen. (He said it's because Viibryd is cheaper and works the same but I think he wants to see if the company he's competing against is selling a product that works as well as his) I spoke with the doctor and told him what was going on, he just kinda listened and offered me Viibryd because I mentioned I was looking at it.

So I start Viibryd soon and I'm very nervous. I have the pills now but looking online, the first like two days of side effects are pretty bad so I decided to take them Saturday morning so I have Saturday and Sunday to get used to them before going to work. (plus i don't wanna feel sick for my birthday tomorrow, I'm not doing anything but I'd still prefer not to feel like shit) I've researched a bit and got some testimonies, what it looks like is that the first like two weeks to a month are hell with nausea and GI issues occasionally but when you get past that its really beneficial and had overall positive results. I'm really really worried because It seems like this medication is used to treat depression and bipolar - from what I can tell I just have really bad anxiety- but I might as well try it because theirs a chance I might be normal again. What I'm most worried about is sleep paralysis and brain zaps, some people say they got those on Viibryd.

Overall I'm suuuper fucking worried and kinda paranoid about this but ig that's what I'm taking it to fix.

[bareboneswitch]

feel free to ignore if you don't wanna answer. how do you differentiate between a headache and a migraine for yourself? i've been getting migraines for like a year and a half now and have a hard time deciding which is which beyond the visual aura i get

Everyone is different when it comes to migraines and, to be honest, theres probably a few medical professionals who'd claim I don't get migraines because I lack things like visual aura or my pain is in a different place.

Having said that, for me the telltale difference between a migraine and a headache is nausea. If I don't feel queasy, it's just a headache and I can probably sleep it off. If I do, I've traditionally had to wait for myself to be sick before I can take painkillers.

These days I can't take migraine meds anyway but I've found some migraine meditations which can walk me back from the brink long enough to sleep.

Hope that helps!

[jcsontodd]

.

[crimson-calligraphyx]

15: Mercy

A/N: Picture below for reference. Sexual content.

I had the absolute worst headache, my eyes felt like someone had thrown sand in them, and my stomach was somersaulting. I tried my best to settle my stomach by focusing on the calming scent and warmth of Noah's body around mine, but my mind kept replaying blips of last night—that made my anxiety spike, which in turn made my nausea worse.

I was so afraid of addressing the events of last night, unsure of how he really felt about it. Even though he apologized for yelling at me, I wasn't entirely convinced he still wasn't upset, I had never seen him so angry before. I was ashamed of myself for bringing that out of him with my actions.

I eventually decided to lift my face from his chest to look at him, and those feelings of guilt began to dwindle when I met his gaze. The sun melted his eyes into a pool of chocolate swirling with caramel, just as soft and sweet as he is. Those eyes paired with the delicate curl of his lips made my heart swell; I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

"Good morning," he murmurs, brushing a piece of hair out of my face to kiss my forehead. "Morning," I croaked, my throat as dry as my eyes felt. "What time is it?" I asked after clearing my throat. He shrugs his shoulder as he continues running his hand through my hair. "Does it matter?" I hummed at the sensation. "No, I guess not," I say with a chuckle. "I could stay here all day, honestly." "Well, we could make that happen," he ponders. "How are you feeling?" "Not great. Nauseous, splitting headache, regrets from last night." He gives me a sympathetic smile, still soothing me by playing with my hair. "Shh, let's not talk about that right now. Let's focus on making you feel better and get some food and water in you." I groaned and shoved my face back in his chest, holding him tight to me. "I don't wanna get up," I whine. He chuckles as he rubs the back of my head. "I'll bring you breakfast in bed, how's that sound?" "I'm not hungry," I lied, not wanting him to leave the bed. "Olivia, you're being a pain in the ass. You know that?" He laughs.

I found myself giggling knowing that he was right and released my hold on him. He gives me a quick kiss before rolling off the bed to stretch, promptly making his way out to the kitchen. I took the time to check my phone, seeing I had a voicemail from an unknown number. I put the phone to my ear after pressing play, only to laugh after the first two words: "You bitch."

I knew immediately that it was Victoria calling from the hospital, a huge wave of relief washing over me. I then pushed myself into a sitting position as I continued listening. "I can't believe you're not ripping someone's head off to be here with me! Kidding, only kidding. Ow, fuck!" I hear someone else's voice in the background, possibly a nurse. "These bitches are not gentle and super invasive, Liv. Don't get hit by a car. 10/10, would not recommend. Anyway, stop fucking Noah for like a minute and come see me. I was in your life first—you hear that, Noah?! I was hers first! Ugh, fuck, sorry, gotta go bye."

When the voice message ended, I couldn't help the laughter erupting from me, even if it made my headache worse. She was so high on whatever meds they were giving her, she had even less of a filter than usual. For that, I was extremely grateful; I'll take her profanities over her being dead any day.

When Noah returned, he handed me a glass of water and a plate of toast along with two Advil's. "I know it's not much, but I don't think eating anything heavier than that would be a good idea," he explains, taking a seat next to me. I shook my head in dismissal, "No, this is perfect, thank you." I took the medicine first and drank half the water before turning my attention back to his empty hands. "Nothing for you?" "Nah, didn't want the smell of whatever I made for myself to make you sick. I'd prefer not to clean up vomit from my sheets," he says with a wink. I rolled my eyes before taking a bite of the toast, savoring the light spread of peanut butter he slapped on it.

"Oh, I got a call from Vic," I say with my mouth still full. I watched his brows rise in surprise, "Really? How's she doing?" I snort as I remembered the voicemail. "I think she's okay, but definitely high as a kite. She told me to come visit her." "That's great! Did she say when?" I shoved the last bit of toast in my mouth, shaking my head 'no'. He eyes the now empty plate, giving me a playful smirk. "I thought you weren't hungry." I gulped down the rest of the water, washing down the peanut butter that was sticking to the roof of my mouth. "I'm not, I just ate." I try my best to stifle a chuckle. "Smart ass."

-

After my hangover mostly dissipated, Noah and I made our way up to the hospital to visit Vic. She looked terrible; her head was bandaged and pretty mangled from hitting the windshield and her left leg was suspended and in a cast. She had minor bumps and bruises scattered over her body, but other than those things, she was alive and well for the most part.

"You look like Hell," I say to her when I walked in, smirking. She gives me a lazy grin, "Yeah, could say the same about you." Noah laughs at her comeback while I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "Anyway, how are you feeling?" "Gooood," she giggles, clearly hopped up on morphine. "Doc says I have a pretty bad concussion, a broken tibia...or was it a fibula?" She scrunches her lips trying to jog her memory. "Whatever, broken leg. Oh, and a few cracked ribs. Looks like God had mercy for me." I cringed, "I'm so sorry, Vic. I tried to get here sooner but they wouldn't let me in—" She waves me off, "Pffft, I know the real reason, Liv. Y'all were too busy screwing." "Victoria," I scolded her, feeling my face flush with embarrassment. "That is not the case at all!" Noah winks at me with an amused grin while Vic cackles, which made my skin burn even more.

We stayed in her room for a little while to keep her company and took in the information from the doctor when he stepped in. Vic has to stay in the hospital for a few days just to be sure that there weren't any underlying issues. I volunteered to be her primary caretaker once she was to be discharged for the time being until someone in her family was able to come out and help. It was going to be a couple months until she was back on her feet, but that's what best friends are for.

-

Taking care of Vic the last few weeks was exhausting, but it was a commitment that I intended to keep. Thankfully, I still had vacation time accrued and was able to use that to stay and look after her until Ricky was able to take over for me. As much as I loved her, I was so relieved to be able to take a night to myself and sleep in my own bed for once. I gave Ricky the biggest hug and kiss on the cheek when I saw him to show my gratitude. I stayed for a little bit to catch up with him and fill him in on the details before I called it a day and headed home.

The first thing that I did when I got home was run a bath. After dropping a bathbomb in, I settled into the water, the warmth immediately lulling me into a relaxed state. I watched the bomb fizz, mesmerized by the blue and red swirls that expelled from it, morphing into a cloud of purple. As I relished the aroma of patchouli and vanilla, I found myself dragging my fingers through the suds, making different designs aimlessly. I never thought that I could enjoy taking baths more than I already do, but now that I could see color, it made it that much more enjoyable.

After soaking until I was basically a prune, I threw a bathrobe on and made my way back to my bedroom. Picking up my phone, I noticed the text I had from Noah.

Noah: have you been relieved from your duty? I chuckled. Me: Indeed. Just got out from taking a bath. He sends me a winking face, which made me roll my eyes. Noah: perfect, put something on that makes you feel good. i'll see you in an hour Me: Wait, what?

After waiting five minutes for a reply I never got, I realized that the clock was ticking and flipped through my closet to find something that 'made me feel good'. Noting it was still fairly warm out, I decided on a black halter top that hugs my chest but flows out comfortably down my midsection. I paired it with black and grey plaid jeans before stepping in front of the mirror to give it a look over.

Satisfied, I put on a light amount of makeup and scrunched up my hair, drying and styling my bangs. Not knowing what he had in mind, I kept everything minimal. When I threw on a pair of shoes, he texted me to let me know he was here. I grabbed my purse and headed out to his car.

"Sooo what are we doing?" I asked once I was situated. "Pick a restaurant, anywhere you wanna go," he replies, giving me a soft smile. I scrunched my brows in curiosity, hesitantly picking Longhorn's. "Longhorn's it is, but first..." he reaches into the side pocket of his door and brandishes the most beautiful rose I'd ever seen. I took it between my index finger and thumb, twirling it around to admire the crisp, blooming red petals; it was picture-perfect. "What's this for?" I asked, bringing it to my nose to breathe in its scent. He shrugs, a playful smirk on his lips. "Just because."

I grin and bring my leg onto the seat to turn my body towards him. "I don't believe you, but it's beautiful. Thank you," I cup his cheek and lean in to give him a kiss. "Alright, now spill it," I tell him once I break away from him. He chuckles, "Okay, okay. I saw the red and remembered that it's your favorite color and decided to grab it, that's it." I felt a blush crawl across my face, "Aw, that's really sweet of you. You're such a dweeb," I say with a giggle. "I was hoping that I could be your dweeb," he gives me a bashful smile, scratching the back of his head. I smirk, "Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" "I uh... I-if that's alright with you," he stammers nervously, a blush forming on his face. "Relax," I reassure him, placing a hand on his cheek again. "I'd love nothing more than to be your girlfriend."

He smiled ear to ear, his eyes crinkling in the outer corners with happiness sparkling in them. The pure joy in him made my heart swell with adoration.

-

When Noah told me to order anything and everything that I wanted for dinner regardless of the price, I was a little suspicious. Upon walking into his bedroom, that feeling multiplied as I took in my surroundings. The LED lights he had were set to red, the glow rising from behind his headboard. After he finished going around his room, I saw that he lit a few red candles and even had a little bowl of Dove chocolates on his nightstand—wrapped in red. Shocking.

He makes his way back over to me, placing his hands on my hips and gives me the kindest smile. I locked my hands behind his neck as he pulled me closer to him, planting his lips on mine. Closing my eyes, I melted into his hold, completely enticed by his touch. After a moment, he breaks away from me and puts his forehead to mine, leaving me breathless as I got lost in his gaze.

"What is all this?" I asked, barely audible. "How many days has it been since Vic's accident?" he counters with his own question. I pull my face away from him, shaking my head with confusion. "I don't know, like... three weeks, give or take." "29 days," he corrects me. I chuckled, "Okay, I'm lost. What does that have to do with anything?" "It means you've been sober for 28 days—a whole month. This is in celebration of you, Olivia."

I thought back to the very first day I visited her in the hospital to now, and he was right. I had been so caught up in taking care of her, I didn't even have time to hit a store to buy any booze, being by her side for most of the day. I gasped in realization, tears of joy welling up from him going above and beyond for something so simple.

"Noah, I-I can't believe this," I stammer, trying to hold back a cry. "This is so unnecessary." He wipes away the tears that escaped and rolled down my cheeks, shaking his head, "No, it's necessary. You've done an amazing job taking care of her, which isn't exactly a walk in the park. I'm so proud of you for not having a single drink this entire time." My lips trembled as I absorbed his words, shedding more tears. "Why do all this, though? I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you." He shakes his head, "Nope, stop that. I love you, and you deserve it. End of discussion," he says with a chuckle.

He cups my face with both hands and kisses me before I could deny his statement. I lean into him as he places his hands on my hips again, tangling my fingers into his hair as he deepens our kiss. He begins to walk me backwards, gently laying me down on his bed as our tongues danced around one another. He groans into my mouth, pulling away slightly to trail his lips down my jaw until he reached a spot below my ear that sends a tingle down my spine.

I sigh in pleasure as he delicately nibbles on my skin, one of my hands digging into his scalp as the other gripped his back. He starts to chuckle against my neck, his breath tickling my ear. "Do you want me to stop?" His voice was low, seductive. "No," I whispered after I contemplated in my head for a moment as my heart pounded with anticipation. "Okay," he murmurs, resuming the attack on my neck as he slips a hand under my shirt and trails his fingers slowly up my side.

His large hand palms my breast, his thumb rolling over my now pert nipple, forcing a moan from me. His lips sink lower, down my neck and across my chest before settling between my breasts, blocked by my top. I lift my head up to pull the straps down for him, earning a soft smile in thanks as he pulls my shirt down and takes a nipple in his mouth. The way he leers up at me sends heat to the pit of my stomach alone, nevermind the sensation as he flicked his tongue over the sensitive skin.

I found myself arching my back, pushing my chest against him as he continued. I could feel his chuckle vibrate through me, still gazing up at me with those dark, mesmerizing eyes. I whimpered when he removed his mouth from me and stood up, beginning to unbutton his shirt. Panting, I sat up and removed my shirt completely before lifting myself on my knees to help him undress.

Once his shirt was open, I ran my hands up his stomach, admiring the ink that I've never seen before; I never expected his entire torso to be covered. I lightly trailed my fingers over his chest, tracing the flowers he had surrounding the couple tattooed in the center of his chest. He hums to the touch. Reaching his shoulders, I pushed his dress shirt off, having it land behind him in a heap. He smirks at me before he takes my face in his hands again, kissing me passionately as I worked on unbuckling his belt.

I fisted his length once his bottoms were off, earning a moan from him. I smirked with amusement when he pulled away and managed to remove my pants as well. He lays me back down, settling his upper body between my legs and kisses the inside of each thigh before reaching my center. I inhale sharply to the sensation of his tongue rolling around my clit and fist his hair, holding him to me.

He slips a finger inside of me, causing me to buck my hips into him. I felt his hot breath swirl around me as he laughed and added another finger inside me, thrusting and curling them in just the right way. "Fuck, Noah," I moaned out much too loud. I was beginning to burn, white hot coursing through me as he kept driving his fingers inside of me. My legs were beginning to shake as I neared my climax, grinding my hips against him as he takes my clit into his mouth and sucks. It was all over then—the coil that was winding up in me released as a string of moans escaped me, throwing my head back and gripping the sheets. My legs squeezed against his head as I became over stimulated, only to have him push them apart again as he drove out my orgasm with his tongue.

I was in tears by the time he stopped, trying my hardest to catch my breath. He picks his head up and leers at me, his lips glistening with my slick. He licks his lips before he settles his hips between my thighs, planting a hungry kiss to my mouth—I could taste myself as he slipped his tongue in.

In one swift movement, he slowly entered me, groaning into my mouth. I sighed as I adjusted to his girth, him slowly pulling out and sliding back in. "Fuck," he mumbles against my mouth then places his forehead on mine, gazing into my eyes. "You feel amazing." My brain short circuits as he says this, not knowing how to respond—I smiled bashfully.

He continues to slowly rock his hips into mine, taking the time to assess my comfortability before picking up his pace. I yelped when he hit that sweet spot again, having him continue that exact movement, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips as he knew what he was doing to me. He hikes my right leg up, placing it around his hip, sneaking a hand between us to play with my clit again. "Noah, I—" I fumble with my words, only being able to focus on what he was doing to me. He brings his mouth to my ear, his breath warm as he pants into it. "Come for me," he mumbles. "Again," he growls lowly, thrusting harder as he said it.

I whimpered, his command spinning around and around in my mind as he continued to rub against me, coaxing the second orgasm out of me. I found myself clawing his back as my body trembled underneath him, hearing him hiss as I let out another string of moans.

When I calmed down from my high, he readjusted, pulling my limp body into his lap. His thrusts slow in pace, becoming more sensual as he plants one hand at the small of my back to steady me. His other hand cups my cheek, bringing my face down to his, having our lips meet. He nips my bottom lip after a moment, earning his way back into my mouth with his tongue. As our tongues battled for dominance, I laced my fingers into his hair, holding him to me while I slowly rocked my hips in time with his thrusts.

“Fuck,” he mumbles against my lips, letting out a grunt. His movements became sloppy, sporadic as he crushes his lips to mine again, moaning against them as he spilled inside of me. He pants through his nose as he tapered off his thrusts, slowly laying me back down to the mattress, his lips still pressed to mine.

He slips out of me and collapses next to me, promptly rolling to his back to scoop me onto him. I laid my head on his chest and draped an arm over his side, listening to the rhythm of his pounding heart while he tried to slow his breathing. I closed my eyes as I felt him run his fingers through my hair, lulling me into complete relaxation. I couldn’t stop the smile from forming on my face, feeling so happy, so appreciated, so loved. It was incredible, almost unbelievable, what this man has made me feel in just a few short months, but my God, was I more than grateful for all that he has done.

He stretches his arm out to the side and brings it back seconds later, placing something in front of my face. I opened my eyes, seeing one of the Dove heart-shaped chocolates lying on his chest. I chuckled, picking my head up to look at him. He had a smug little smile on his face, his eyes glistening. “Here’s a little piece of my heart,” he states, letting out a tiny laugh. “You are such a dweeb,” I laugh and shake my head as I accepted the chocolate. “Your dweeb.” I grinned, scooting up to give him a quick kiss as I unwrapped the foil from the chocolate. “Mine. And I love him,” I tell him and plop the candy in my mouth.

|Chapter 16|

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3111

what the fuck is this update

i don't like it at all. i'm a grumpy old man. get off my lawn.

the rest is basically tw: surgery.

anyway, todays been alright. it started out rough. but since up from my nap once i got home from surgery, i've mostly been fine. not looking forward to the nerve block wearing off but i'm excited for feeling back in my arm.

my tummy has been unhappy all day, pretty much. i asked for a tuna sandwich when i came out from under anesthesia, and the nurse laughed and said, "we don't have that, but woke goldfish work?"

i think i replied "FUCK yeah."

i didn't feel too silly, but i can't control my expressions and my filter was down, so i'm sure they got a kick out of it all.

i'm just excited to sleep. there's a lot that happened today in terms of the surgery because there was more wrong in my shoulder than they expected. they fixed the labrum but found that the pain on the back of my shoulder was being caused by my bicep that attaches there - it was hanging on by only a few fibers, but i've had this injury for so long that they couldn't do anything about it except disconnect them. if a doctor has listened me at literally any other point when i've seen one about this, they could've reconnected it and fixed it. but because no man doctor will listen to the cries of pain from a teenage girl because god fucking forbid she knows what her body is telling her, nobody ever looked. they said physical therapy would take care of it. they said it was just in my head and nothing was wrong. the last one, at age 24, said "oh it's loose, but it shouldn't be a problem." that was when i was working at the cafe and my arm subluxed at work and bruised the head of the bone. he saw an MRI. he looked at x-rays. and still, "oh it'll be fine."

no, you incompetent fucks. i have been INJURED. for SIXTEEN YEARS. (i redid the math; turns out i was 14, not 13, when it happened.)

i'm glad someone finally fixed it. now to keep it immobile for at least a month.

anyway, i'm upset, hungry, thirsty, and exhausted, but i'm relieved that i decided to go through with it even though i very nearly called it off because i couldn't handle the IV. like it's a damn good thing they tell you to not eat before you go in, because i would've tossed my cookies all over that bed. it's never been that bad before. even the MRI dye thing was better than this. this was a disaster and i very neatly called everything off. but i reasoned myself out of the nausea and said "let's get this done" and that was that. there was some gas and i was told to do some deli breaths which i couldn't do and i was out before i counted to five lol. and then i was waking up.

besides the part immediately after being discharged and heading home, i've been good with walking and taking care of myself. i took a nap around noon and woke up around 2, so that helped a lot.

but basically i've kept a chipper mood pretty much all day. i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna take the meds they gave me because i don't want to be sick every day, so we grabbed the tylenol and plopped it next to me.

i miss joel but i've been so in and out of it today that i didn't even think about it until i was signing my valentine's day cards for people. joel's is the neatest and the most legible out of the four i got.

anyway i'm tired and i'm gonna finish everything i wanna do.