#I don't think we should normalize a medical condition that's also one of the leading causes of preventable death in America)

[vent-antiendo]

(tw ED, non system vent.)

(I know you have an ED as I saw on ur main, so feel free to delete if this triggers you <3 /p)

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It pisses me off how so many fat activists are claiming to have ana. Sure overweight and obese people can develop it, but in order for you to have it you have. to. lose. weight. which they're all against!!!

They don't acknowledge that people with BED commonly restrict too. Please do your research before saying u have ana!!! It just makes me so mad because now people are getting a warped view of both ana and BED.

If ur gonna claim to have an ED at least make it realistic, like saying BED or Paul /ref (Please tell me you get that)

(It's okay, you can vent about anything here and I'm fine with ED content, as long as you're pro recovery.)

And yeah I totally agree with you. I watch a lot of fat activism content (I don't mean the creators themselves, I watch people like the Cynical Dude, It's Germaine, Sam at every Size etc. People who debunk the FA's essentially) and it's shocking how many FA's claim to have a restrictive ED, most often AN. I hope these people get the help they need, but in most cases, it's not for AN or even Atypical ana. Even if you do OMAD and your OMAD is 10.000 calories, that's still binging, and still BED.

Like with the whole Tess Holliday situation, she was "dx'ed" (not officially) by a HAES dietician, who said AN which Tess doesn't qualify for because of her weight. And Atypical ana isn't it either because just take one look at her content. But if she actually got the dx of the ED she most likely has, BED, fat acceptance would immediately crumble because it'd disprove everything they stand for.

(sorry I have a lot to say about this, I could go on for hours)

And YES I GET THE PAUL REF OMFG I'm on twt more than Tumblr tbh.

[dxmedstudent]

in medical shows they often say that every doctor will end up misdiagnosing someone and leading to their death at least once if not more. is this true? i assume it is since doctors cannot be right all the time and everyone makes mistakes. is this something someone should prepare for if going through med school?

Hmm yes and no.

Some people will be that unlucky. But not everyone.

Medical TV shows...aren't written by doctors. They are written by writers who want to build a sense of drama and also build pathos for the medical characters as people. And they want the audience to appreciate the potential stakes. And they are good at that. Normal medical life can sonetimes be bonkers, but usually it just isn't dramatic enough for television.

It's possible for a clinician to make mistakes in diagnosis or management, and this is inevitable to some degree - we cannot know every thing, and even if we did, patients don't always present as they do in books. People can have unusual symptoms. People make mistakes.

But honestly? Most clinical decisions are not life and death... or urgent. You have time to find out more information. You have tine to get a second opinion. You have time to do more tests. You have time to accept that the initial diagnosis was not correct but that you can keep working on finding out what is actually going on. If someone is dying, even if you aren't sure what's causing it, you can still work to stabilise them!

If things are getting worse, that's a sign to keep looking! And of course, most conditions themselves aren't immediately fatal. Or even fatal in general.

I would say that I very much doubt every single clinician has misdiagnosed someone in a way that's led to that person's death. I do think most clinicians, as humans, have made multiple mistakes - but at a lower stakes level.

And most clinical decisions we make, especially in hospital are part of a wider context involving an entire team. One person may make a mistake, but that mistake is usually caught by someone else. When things go badly wrong (hopefully rare but it happens), it's normally the result of the Swiss cheese effect - i.e. multiple team members missing something important.

When a patient feels ill, they experience an entire journey. They present to a doctor, and hopefully have some investigations and maybe have an initial diagnosis based on what is known at the time. Based on the results and also how they respond to the initial treatment, we get an idea of whether the initial diagnosis was correct.

As they and the doctor or medical team get results back or the condition progresses, there is more information to base future investigations and future treatments on.

To put this in context, diagnosis can be a long and sometimes difficult process. It's often complicated by the fact that there are many conditions that are uncommon and unusual - for example there are over 8000 known rare genetic conditions alone. People with unusual presentations or rarer conditions can often experience delays in diagnosis because their teams are less familiar with their conditions. And people with some common conditions can still experience significant delays in diagnosis, particularly if diagnosis tends to require more invasive ir specialised testing. There also isn't always a test that gives you a clear answer. There isn't always a good treatment. There often isn't a cure. Sometimes even the "right" first line treatment may not be best for that patient, people can respond differently to the same drug or treatment. Some people experience a difficult journey or even poor care.

I do think it's definitely true that there's always the risk that we can cause serious harm or even death if we make the wrong call. Working our hardest to make sure it doesn't happen is what gets us through to those long hours of med school and residency. For me, I treat each patient as if they were my family and try to give the care I would hope my loved ones receive. I have to live with the risks of what could happen, if I miss something important.

I also have to navigate the world as a patient knowing that people are fallible, the system us imperfect, and that can affect me as a patient or my loved ones as patients.

[arueshalaetablebuildingsociety]

Hi! It's me, the radfem you reblogged. (I'm using an ask because I get cut off with comment length.) I want to be abundantly clear that I don't like the article that was shared either: the Telegraph is right wing, the sample size is small, and it's sensationalist news that intends to instill a fear of trans people (who I don't believe are more dangerous than your average person.) I'd meant to post more about that, but to be honest? I forgot. (My bad.) I thought I might take a minute to outline my positions, so that for both our sakes we don't argue at cross purposes. After all, you can't convince me if you don't know what I think (and vice versa). To start, I do get you're coming from. I was so passionately involved in trans rights activism for years that I cut off friends and relatives readily. I had a sticker of JK Rowling draped in the trans flag on my laptop. Many positions I held then are still my own: I want trans adults to have the right to access gender affirming care, I don't think misgendering is productive, and I CERTAINLY don't want to ally with the right. Even the radfem label fits a little awkwardly – it was my trans siblings and friends that lead me to rethink my positions. That being said, my problem with gender is simple: I have always believed that oppression is based on the body. I believe that homosexuality is based on our physical bodies. I understand that some individuals feel dysphoria, an actual medical condition, that causes them to feel discomfort with their sex. I believe these individuals are trans and we need to do everything we can to support them, and if the best option is transitioning? We should support their transition. It was when more people I knew started transitioning – those who admitted they had no issue with their body – that I became "terfy." The source of their discomfort was gendered roles and expectations. I was told as much. I struggle to believe that we'll ever get rid of "masculine" and "feminine" as concepts if we try and physically change ourselves to fit with the stereotypes we made. This is why I can't relate to conservatives: gender is a social construct, and a malicious one at that. I love gender non-conformity; not "because it's better than being trans" (or whatever BS the right spouts) but because I am a GNC lesbian. I see identities like nonbinary and gender fluid as an insult to the intelligence of your average person. Nobody "naturally" fits into a box, everyone is nonbinary. The only reason many people DO seem to is the result of socialization, which I view as something to be undone not encouraged. I also don't believe the idea that gender is seriously important to people and deeply felt is an "excuse" to be regressive in this fashion. Religion takes a similar place in billions of people's lives, and I've been an anti-theist atheist all my life: spirituality, religion, and gender all go in the "things I hate" category. If you disagree with me on that, I can't complain! If you treat it as a conservative take, I can. At least we can DEFINITELY agree on something: "trans panic" is a disgusting "defense." These are hate crimes inspired by homophobia, sexism, and a hatred of gender non-conformity and deserve to be treated as such. You don't have to respond or stick this on your blog (unless you want to publically debunk me, which you're obviously within your rights to!) feel free to anon me back, or just ignore and block me.

I feel a little bad for doing this, as earlier I attempted to engage with you in private, believing your position to be earnest. However, I'm no longer so sure that's the case. Because I scrolled through your profile a bit just to see what you had been most recently posting or reblogging. I did not have to go far at all to find things I was not thrilled with.

So I'm going to go ahead and do something I don't normally do: I'm going to schedule this post for 24 hours after I write it.

I attempted to address the issues I saw, especially with the idea that Non-binary or Gender-fluid people were an "insult," in private, but just to be clear, the idea that someone else can be an "insult" is exactly what the hateful terrorists I cited in the post this is a response to say.

You say in the ask that you support Trans Rights, but even a cursory glance through your profile shows you reblogging post after post alleging trans women are secretly cis white men, or trans women are secretly just men who paint their nails; you also reblogged a post supporting a French anti-trans hate group who hijacked a pride rally. You reblogged a shrine post for JK Rowling's bioessentialist and anti-trans tweets with tags like "to think of all the vitriol I spewed in her direction." Did you spare any critical thought to what she was saying? Of course JK Rowling would claim she "encourages gender non-conformity," but does she?

DOES SHE??

And did you catch that bit at the end of the tweet shrine where she says, "for saying sex is real"? Did you? Because I did, and that is a clear and demonstrable sign of bad faith. The LGBT+ movement does not argue the existence of sex, though it does argue that Intersex people exist (a provable fact) and that they have rights too (basic human dignity). But to hear Rowling talk, anyone who disagrees with her sounds ridiculous, right? Almost like that's why she said it. Almost like it's a strawman.

I pointed out, when replying to someone I thought was earnest, how every genocide starts with the genocidaires telling their victims what they are as a means of enforcing ownership of those people: You aren't Albanian, you're French. You aren't Croatian, you're a Serb. You aren't Armenian, you're Azerbaijani. You aren't Ukrainian, Georgian, Ossetian, or Abkhaz, you're Russian. You aren't a woman, you're a man with painted nails.

Even this ask has undertones of the debunked medical claim of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria and the idea of Transgender Social Contagion, of which both are completely baseless, outright rejected by the medical and psychiatric community (except where controlled by the vociferously anti-trans and anti-feminism Rich White Man Wes Streeting), and still repeated by anti-trans, anti-lgbt+ hate groups.

This is more of the influence of the Alliance Defending Freedom, a zealously Evangelical Christian, anti-LGBT, anti-Choice, pro-"traditional values" Conservative think tank, which does a massive amount of activities to create anti trans, anti abortion, and repressive laws towards women. Do they have ties to anti-trans terrorism? Senators and Representatives affiliated with them were very quick to cover for the January 6th Rioters, and they publish a lot of the material that anti-trans mass shooters and terrorists cite. They also were the organization who formalized the idea of funding "LGB Against T" groups in the 1980s, EXPLICITLY as a strategy to undermine solidarity within LGBT communities with the ultimate STATED goal of ending Women's Suffrage and all LGBT+ rights and enforcing an Evangelical Christian Theocracy.

They sure don't sound like they have your wellbeing at heart.

[itstherandomloller]

All surgical procedures where a woman or girl is asleep should have obligatory security cameras to prosecute doctors and nurses that commit acts outside of what they're actually there to do.

The footage should be given to the patient automatically completely unedited irrespective of whether or not the patient intends to watch it.

It isn't currently how things are done but that's how they should be done to avoid rapes or catch them in the act since their colleagues protect them.

A doctor does not have the legal right to do something to you that wasn't consented to beforehand.

If you were put under general anesthesia and "something came up we weren't expecting" , they are to wake you up and reschedule after telling you what , precisely, came up and what they think they could do to help.

They absolutely are not supposed to keep going when it's not life threatening and they absolutely do not get to pretend it is as their out from accountability just because you were asleep and cannot prove it with video evidence by consulting another surgeon with the footage. Everyone in that room who is not you is complicit in medical rape.

That is rape.

It is atrociously all too common.

No one says anything because nobody cares.

The greatest irony is that medicine doesn't help women but women are conditioned to go to the doctor constantly where they just get told to lose weight, it's depression, you're a hypochondriac, here are some pills that will give you degenerative diseases oh and let's put you under to be raped just to complete the cycle.

It's not in your head.

None of that should have ever happened to you and horrendously, it did and the "amazing people saving lives" deserve their long overdue karma.

Many like to pretend we keep these doctors around because otherwise there wouldn't be enough but the truth is it's always better to not have a doctor than to have a doctor that harms. The excuses that hospitals make to keep doctors in positions of harming the vulnerable are void of truth and only serve to enable a business of harming for money to keep you coming back to doctors in some speciality or other all your life.

This sounds almost anti-medicine from someone who has studied it, but I am speaking not of the advances in research but of the unethical thoughts, behaviours and actions of professionals specifically as well as how the work model actually works.

Personally, I would contact the medical board directly and tell them the name of the doctors and if you know those of the nurses involved too. Your national one should have a website where contact should be easy to establish, otherwise you could ask for the license number of your doctor directly to file a complaint straight away(which you don't have to tell them that's why you want the license number but they are obligated to give it when you ask) since you have already said you contacted them for information and weren't given any, it should force their hand a bit and if they keep redirecting the ball, I'm really sorry but you're going to have to harass them.

It will unlikely lead to direct results but whether it moves things along or whether you find they are as guilty as the rapist themselves, it will definitely shed a lot of light on the situation for you.

If things escalate, you can always go to the newspaper if you feel comfortable sharing your story; it has been noted that when stories come out, criminals panic and in their attempts to cover up, they always slip and are forced to give you the information they were already supposed to give you. It also encourages others to step forward which leads to a full investigation of the medical practice.

I also recommend changing doctor to one who specialises in care of sexual abuse victims. I'm not sure what country you're in, there is normally a registry of midwives and gynecologists who specialise in caring for rape victims whether it's during a pregnancy/childbirth or medical procedures and other issues. It is shocking they aren't all specialised in the most common of ills, but alas , trauma is still the most stigmatised problem particularly women's.

I hope your mind and body recover and that you get the justice you need.

Has anyone else ever experienced what I am calling "medical rape"?

I wanna write about this more in-depth another time (graphic content warning for the story I am about to tell) but basically I had a procedure done several years ago related to endometriosis, basically just exploratory to like zap out the lesions, and I had had one before and it was easy and I knew what to expect. or so I thought. it's supposed to be just three small incisions in your lower abdomen. but this second time I had this procedure done with a different doctor, and when I was waking up from anesthesia the first thing I became aware of was extreme internal pain in my vagina and uterus (which was not a thing the first time), that my vagina was bleeding and felt torn up, and there was a huge ice pack between my legs. It was like blaring alarm bells in my body and I immediately started panicking and hyperventilating. And I was just crying and inconsolable and barely conscious and begging whoever was around me, cus I could hear voices but couldn't understand what they were saying, to tell me what was going on because I hadn't even regained enough consciousness to open my eyes. It was like sleep paralysis. It was horrific.

And after what felt like ages somebody told me that during the procedure they had to reposition my uterus and so they stuck something up me I guess. I have no clue. They scrambled to find me pain meds so I could calm down because it felt like my insides were burning. I never got any more answers and I was too embarrassed and in pain to ask. Healing from the injuries to my vagina and surrounding areas was worse than healing from the actual incisions from the procedure itself. It hurt to walk for a while. I developed pelvic floor dysfunction afterward which I only recently connected to this incident. As well as the trauma of having something like that happen when you are very much not conscious and nobody ever told me it would even be a possibility that they would have to be touching me there or placing instruments inside me. I felt truly, deeply violated. And nobody at the hospital or my PCP who did the procedure ever acknowledged any of it.

It was just awful and I've never seen anyone else talk about things like this. Has this happened to you? Did you feel, like I did, that you were raped?

[addictedtostorytelling]

According to the 3rd sneak peak on the youtube channel, we get more info on Brass! Apparently he is going blind (?) or something of that sort. And there’s a Catherine name drop!! Though I don’t think she’ll be in the show. Thoughts?

hi, @jjnora!

so according to brass, he is experiencing "fuch's corneal disease," also known as fuch's corneal dystrophy, a progressive condition in which fluid builds up in the cornea of the eye, causing it to swell and thicken, leading to discomfort and cloudy vision.

fuch's dystrophy typically does not result in total blindness, and, contrary to what brass insinuates in the sneak peek, can be treated, with medication in its earlier stages and corneal transplant surgery in its later stages. after transplantation, patients normally experience a full reversal of symptoms.

though it's hard to say just by looking, it appears that brass's condition is fairly advanced. however, whether or not he's on the transplant list or if he's even eligible for a transplant at all, we don't yet know.

since this new reboot adventure kicks off with brass being attacked in his own home—on behalf of an old foe called "lucky”—i'd say it's probably a safe bet that his impaired vision will serve as a wrinkle in the case, as he likely won't be able to provide much in the way of “eyewitness testimony” concerning his attacker.

someone else who watched the later seasons of the show more closely than i did may have a better memory than i do on this one, but i honestly don't recall brass ever interacting with a criminal called lucky at any point during the original run of the show, much less having a serious adversarial dynamic with such a person, which may indicate that lucky is either someone from his new jersey days or else someone whom he has encountered since leaving the lvpd (perhaps when he was still working security for catherine back in 2015).

in any case, this peek confirms that he is indeed the one who calls sara in to help on the case and also suggests that he is probably the one who (somehow) gets her working with the lvpd crime lab again as a consultant.

other things we learn about brass from this clip include:

he does seemingly talk regularly with sara (and perhaps grissom?), though he hasn't mentioned his condition to her/them prior to this point.

he has an african grey parrot named elvis, whom he lovingly describes as a “little bastard.”

he doesn't seem to have adequate help/care and relies on his housekeeper to look after him.

he's still just as wry as ever.

he may or may not also be staying in catherine's hotel, a la the grissoms, following his attack.

he is also seemingly in contact with catherine, as he knows what's going on in her life.

as for catherine, the sneak peek tells us just enough to confirm that she is indeed responsible for putting the grissoms (and possibly also brass) up in her casino hotel; however, she is herself not present in vegas, as she is apparently either visiting or living in ireland to be near her grandchild.

how she and lindsey came to leave the lvpd crime lab, when they did so, and under what circumstances, we don't know. why they ended up in ireland, we also don't know. maybe lindsey partnered with or married someone who is from there or else is there for work.

it seems like a good guess that catherine probably retired in order to spend more time with her family (possibly around the time that lindsey got pregnant or had the baby), but there also could be more to the story that we don't yet know.

whether or not marg will appear in the reboot, we can't say for certain.

on the one hand, marg did recently like one of @fandomismymiddlename's tweets about her potentially appearing in the reboot, which could indicate that she has either already filmed a guest spot or at least has some interest in maybe doing so in the future, should the show get renewed for a second season.

on the other hand, she's had one show cancelled and then been picked up for another show on another network all during the time when csi: vegas has so far been filming, so i doubt she's had a lot of opportunity (or even been contractually at liberty) to get in any guest spots.

while it's technically possible that marg could have filmed an appearance on the reboot sometime back in may or june (during the brief window when she was otherwise unemployed), i have to believe that, had she done so, the cbs hype team would be playing up her return in the same way that they are billy, jorja, and paul's, as, after all, hers is a big enough name and catherine is a beloved enough character that giving fans a heads-up that she'd be back would make for good publicity for the new show.

the only reason i can see them keeping a potential return from her on the dl is if that return happened later in the season and was meant to be a surprise.

otherwise, i kinda think we'd have heard about it by now, you know?

in any case, the reboot writers sending catherine all the way to dublin seems like a good indication that they want her “out of sight and out of mind" for the time being, so we can take that for what we will.

as for other thoughts about the sneak peek:

as jorja has talked about in some of her recent interviews, sara seems to initially be under the impression that her trip to vegas will be a short one—72 hours or less. though she does know that brass has been attacked, she seems not to be aware prior to when she arrives that he is losing his vision. she also appears surprised (and even affronted) when he asks her to consult on the case. that so, one has to wonder: when she first responds to his call, what is it that she thinks she's coming back to las vegas to do? does she seriously believe that all she's there for is to move him out of his house and into catherine's hotel? but if she doesn't know about his sight, then why would she think he needs the help? the fact that she makes the drive from san diego to sin city in such quick time suggests a sense of urgency on her part, so is there perhaps more to her coming than we already know about? what could brass possibly say to her that would make her feel like she needs to get to him fast but also has her convinced that once she reaches him, he'll only need her for a couple of days at most?

brass's "at least i got sara sidle back to vegas" comment plus the fact that she had previously been unaware of his fuch's dystrophy suggests that sara has not been to vegas in a long time—perhaps not since the events of "immortality." if not, then the fact that she has not would imply that she must have finished up all of her business in vegas (leaving her job as lab director, selling her house and car, tying up all the loose ends on her old cases, etc.) remotely.

when brass asks sara what she's been up to recently, she doesn't give an answer. we know she has grissom collecting jellyfish in panama, but we still don't have a full idea of what their life over the last six years has consisted of. for example, why is she coming to vegas from san diego? has that city maybe become a "home base" for her and grissom, or is that just where they happened to be when sara received brass's call? were they maybe there seeing nick? beyond the issue of location, we also don't know how much contact they've kept up with their work family. sara insinuates that she and brass talk regularly and that she has at least recently been in touch with catherine (enough to have been put up at the hotel), but how often have she and grissom seen their old friends in person since 2015? have they done so at all? did they invite any of them to their (second) wedding? with brass, it seems unlikely that sara has physically been in the same place as him for at least a couple of years, given that his condition comes as a surprise to her. but what about with everyone else?

another general question about the csiverse: is this fictional universe one that is going to acknowledge the covid-19 pandemic, or is this story going to be set in an alternate universe where the pandemic never happened? so far, no one on the show seems to be wearing masks, so my guess is that the latter option is the case. we'll see, though.

sara seems very surprised/affronted when brass asks her to look into his case. though we know from interviews that she has kept up her accreditation enough to at least still be certified as a criminalist, to me, her reaction indicates far-removal from her old csi life—i.e., that she has not been involved with anything having to do with the profession recently.

anyway, those are my takes, for what they're worth.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[reavenedges-lies]

(anon only! I don't want to cause tension on the flyers fanbase. I'm glad our Pens kicked their asses. Disclosure: I'm only following them because of this one player.) It won't be surprising if Brass goes off on the Flyers medical staff at the end of this season. He is day to day again with his lingering hip issue, and this is apparently the second time this happened to him where he plays and gets re-injured this season. He's doubtful for the Sharks game, and we don't know when he'll play again. I'm sad because all we wanted is for him to cherish what could be his penultimate season then this happens. 😔

To quote their coach Yeo, he had no choice but to rush him given the Flyers' rash of COVID issues and injuries to their top players. Coots played through a lingering injury for months before finally being placed on IR just this week. Hayes is obviously not 100% yet and nobody knows what is going on with Ellis, who just played 4 games this season due to a hip/groin injury and is now out indefinitely. But the fact that they rushed a lot of players while they were clearly not ready and needed conditioning...that is not a good look on their medical staff. Somebody, even a retired player, needs to spill the tea on what's going on with the Flyers medical staff because holy shit this sounds like another layer of incompetence at all areas. I kinda blame the coaching staff too, look they're short-handed right now, but don't fucking force a player to return even if you go by "we want him to see him practice before playing if the world is perfect" bullshit.

The Flyers season is unraveling fast anyway, and it really hurts to see not just for their players but also the fans. It will never sit well with me that Yeo and their medical staff practically forced Brass to play even when he was still rehabbing with his hip + COVID. He is turning 35 in September and we may be seeing the final four months of his NHL career (assuming his team misses playoffs). I'm going to be real sad if his hip costs him his career. I already expect that if his hip doesn't get better he'll get surgery. I don't want him to end up like other players who had to use painkillers to get through lingering injuries. For his sake I hope he makes a sound decision about his health in the long term. I cannot bear to see him struggling to skate on ice when he's clearly hurt, it's happened to so many players this season.

If this injury saga with the fucking Flyers leads him to open up on what went really behind the scenes in the org (especially the medical staff) or land him a better off-ice opportunity where he does not have to deal with the daily stress and physicality of the game, fine. But all things aside I really hope his situation doesn't make him lose his passion for hockey again, like that time he played for three teams in a single season. I think he earned the right to be frustrated at him being treated like a hot potato by the Flyers if ever.

All I want for him to stay healthy even after his career is over.

Hi! Im pretty sure this is my normal 'Brass Anon' so i am sorry that I've posted this rather than respond separately but I do think you've said a lot that should be heard injury wise on the team.

Imagine my shock yesterday when I realized Brass was playing even though he was "ruled out as fit-to-play". All I want out off all of these teams is for the players to be able to get healthy as needed and I'm absolutely tired of players continuing to play while hurt or getting rushed back early. I wouldn't be surprised if Brass is done after this season and I will be even less surprised if players do start coming forward about mistreatment by medical staff in the next 5 or so years. He deserves the time to heal, and to be in places where he is able to do his job properly without pressure on his long term health.

I won't speak for Flyers fans, and I certainly don't know a lot about their internal issues, but from what I know it's absolutely a top down issue.

If any flyers fans have issues with what's been said here I would absolutely love to talk about it. I would love to have a conversation about what you think is happening and or just give you a space to vent. I have a soft spot for your players and you guys aren't bad when we aren't playing eachother

[khaleesiofalicante]

All of this is crap, feel free to delete , please !!

_

I have been feeling low, for almost 7 months now, past few month have been very overwhelming for me. I don't know what phase is this but it is getting bit much to handle.

I didn't had much things that gave me happiness but now those things have stopped making me feel good, like I love(d) chocolates , every fibre of my body crave(d) for it and whenever I ate one I used to feel content, it was my comfort food (?) but recently it doesnot make me feel like that anymore. And this same happened with few other things , I found myself thinking about it and this made me sad. I don't know what it means and I don't think I even want to but this sometimes scares me , i don't know why but it does.

There are certain things that i never knew i paid attention to and even remembered that were said to me . I didn't knew recalling them would hurt me even tho they didn't affected me the time they were said or maybe the case is they did but i just repressed the thoughts and feelings. Maybe hearing same things time to time took a permanent place in my brain that can never be abandoned, then the recurring process of flash of memories from beginning to end make it worse.

I 've been from a long time being told to look after my weight and skin. Everytime I meet some close relative even before having a proper greet the first thing I am made aware about is either my weight or how the acne on my face is looking. Like now it has become so normal that everytime someone comments I just say ,"its been happening for a long time" and they too know about it. I do get affected by them saying things but what affects me most is when this thing is pointed out by my family . Yesterday i was laying on bed and my mother came into room and looked at me and said in the best nicest possible way that "why one day your face seems clear and why next day there are so many pimples and spots and whatever". My dad always points this out by saying that please take care of your skin/face i want my daughter to look the most beautiful. I know they want best for me but they 've been saying this for almost half the years of my life i've lived so far ( i am almost 20)  . Still i wait for that day when they'll say you are perfect the way you are , you don't need to change. But I know it won't happen ever. Only if they knew how much it hurts everytime someone points it out, how much I curse my existence at that very moment, how much insecure and worthless and inferior I feel within seconds of time, how much urge I feel to just run away from all this. I know they want good for me but why they feel that being flawless is good. It hurts , sometimes too much.

I have never been one of those who could express things easily , I find it too damn hard to say what I want what i feel .Though I try sometimes but not too hard just a bit because whenever and to whomsoever I tried to even show bare minimum of something either its been talked over or the other person is not able to understand or the other person can't do anything except nod in agreement or I start to feel so anxious that I myself drift away from topic or ...... And I don't blame anyone for this , how can I when I am the one who doesn't try, I just can't.  I don't know what keeps me from saying things outloud but something does.

*deep sigh* :/

-

THANK YOU for reading and SORRY for wasting your time.

Hello, my love.

Thank you for sharing this with me.

I just want to start with something simple - I'm ready to beat the shit out of people who have been ignorant and unkind towards you. So, just keep that in mind.

Alright now.

You remind me a little of Alec, you know? You say you can't express things easily and here you are coherently and patiently explaining something that is troubling you. I see you, little Alec!

If you are having trouble talking to those around you, that's okay. Sometimes it's not that we don't know how to say things, but we get more worried about what would happen if those words leave our mouth. So, we don't talk. We pretend like we don't know how to. Or we tell ourselves that we don't have to. You talk when you feel like it. You express your feelings when you feel ready. There is no rush.

Acne doesn't make a person not beautiful. Gaining weight doesn't make someone not pretty. The funny thing it is very common for women to experience both - especially when they are stressed. So, if someone is making you feel bad about experiencing something like acne and putting on weight, then they are just stupid. They don't understand biology.

A side note that acne and weight gain (along with some other symptoms) are often connected to hormonal imbalances. This is why we notice girls feeling bloated or having pimples when they get their period. It's natural. It's science. There are many women who experience conditions such as POCS which leads to such symptoms too. If there is a medical issue, taking medication does help. If this is something you want to learn more about and understand better, I'm happy to take you through it since it's something I focus on at work.

Every time you remember something someone said about you that wasn't kind just tell yourself their opinion doesn't matter. Because that's all it is. It's just an opinion - one that you didn't even ask for.

As for the chocolate....Sometimes chocolate can increase acne and as we know sweets can contribute to weight gain. Perhaps one of the reasons you don't want to eat it anymore is because somewhere in your mind you believe that you shouldn't eat it anymore.

But fuck that. If it is something that makes you happy, then you are allowed to enjoy it. It's alright if you can't get back to enjoying chocolate right now. You can get there slowly. Until that, find yourself another comfort good. There is so much yummy stuff out there.

Just remember that you are so much more than what other people tell you - cause they don't see everything. They only see what they want to see. They see what they think is important. That is not who you are. Never let them tell you who you are.

Unless it's a doctor, no one is allowed to tell you what you should eat. Unless it's Magnus Bane, no one is allowed to tell you what you should look like or what you should do with your life.

If your parents don't appreciate you for who you are, that says more about them than it does about you. it's something they need to work on. You will find things to be happy about again. You will find things that will make you feel good. We can start trying by diverting your attention a little towards those and less towards those judgemental relatives (who once again I am happy to beat up <3 )

Start small. You could consider doing one thing - just one tiny thing - that makes you feel good every day. Just one thing. And we'll take it from there.

Also, you say you are not trying. You don't want to try. But here you are talking to me about how you feel. You are trying. And I think that's fucking amazing.

You know what I realised after the pandemic? Life is really too fucking short and unpredictable. So, letting judgmental adults and some acne determine who we are and how we should feel is a little scary. Fuck the relatives. Fuck the acne.

You do you.

All my love,

Dani x.

[lady-wallace]

Blood On Sand (Febuwhump Day 8: “This is No Time to Sleep”)

For today’s @febuwhump​ prompt: “Hey, hey, This is No Time to Sleep”

Fandom: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders

Synopsis: Tag to Wheel of Fortune arc: Jotaro was injured worse than he thought but they're stranded out in the desert. It's up to Kakyoin to watch over Jotaro while the others go for help.

Thanks to @bzr35​ for helping me pick this prompt!

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Read on Ao3

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The sun was pounding down mercilessly, and Kakyoin watched tensely from the backseat of the car as Joseph and Polnareff tried to fix the decrepit engine which had given out on them about half an hour earlier. From the sound of it, Kakyoin didn't really think that they would be going anywhere else in this car.

What was more worrying, however, was his companion sitting in the seat next to him. Jotaro slumped against the door, head tilted toward his chest, hat pulled down low. His shallow breathing hitched every time he shifted, telling just how much pain he was in. Jotaro may have won the fight against Wheel of Fortune but he'd taken twice the amount of hits as the rest of them, and had suffered burns on top of that.

Kakyoin's attention was returned to Joseph as the older man sighed and reluctantly lowered the hood. "It's no use. There's only so much tinkering I can do. This car is shot."

"So we're stranded out here?" Anne screeched.

"Of course not!" Joseph grinned at her. "You have legs, don't you?"

Kakyoin pressed his lips together, glancing toward Jotaro again, who didn't even seem to register what was happening. Normally this would only be an annoying set-back, but he wasn't sure Jotaro could even walk to the nearest civilization.

"Come on, boys!" Joseph called.

Jotaro startled and blinked, looking confused for a second before he clumsily reached for the door handle and opened it.

Kakyoin was already out of the car by the time his friend stumbled to his feet.

"Jotaro, are you okay?" Joseph asked him.

"Yeah," came the terse reply.

"Let's go then."

Joseph took the lead and Jotaro followed, but only managed a few steps before he swayed. Kakyoin hurriedly ducked in and grabbed his elbow, accidently gripping a burned patch of skin. Jotaro grunted, face paling slightly.

"Mr. Joestar!" Kakyoin called. "I don't think Jotaro's going to make it walking that far right now."

Jotaro grunted and tried to pull away from him. "I said I'm fine."

But another swaying step, proved differently and this time it was Joseph who caught and steadied him.

"No, I think Kakyoin is right," the older man said worriedly. "You got hit harder than I thought."

Jotaro was breathing heavily as he still attempted to push himself upright. "We don't…have time for this!" he panted.

Kakyoin felt his chest tighten as he saw something akin to panic in Jotaro's eyes. Not for his own sake, but for fear of his mother's condition.

"Well, what do we do then? We still need a car," Polnareff said.

"Not to mention some better medical supplies," Kakyoin stated blandly. They hadn't even had burn cream. He stepped forward. "I'll stay here with Jotaro. The rest of you go to the nearest town and see if you can find a car."

Jotaro shot him a look before turning back to his grandfather. "Jiji, come on…I'm—"

"No, Jotaro," Kakyoin cut in firmly. "They'll be quicker walking alone. We'd have to slow down for you anyway. It will probably be about the same length of time for them to get there and drive back. You know you're not going to get far in that condition."

Jotaro glowered at him for a long moment, but Kakyoin stood his ground firmly, lifting his chin, and finally Jotaro glanced away, pulling his hat down as his body shook from the obvious strain he was feeling just keeping himself upright.

"I do agree that it will be better this way, but are you sure you'll be okay here alone?" Joseph asked worriedly.

Kakyoin didn't like the idea of splitting up either, but considering they had just defeated a Stand user they might get at least a little reprieve. "Hierophant will be able to tell if someone is coming."

Joseph nodded, if not a little reluctantly. "Okay. Stay off the road, and keep safe."

Kakyoin nodded and took a firmer hold on Jotaro, leading him back to the car, propping him against the side as Joseph, Polnareff and Anne started off down the road. Jotaro grunted, raising a shaky hand to pull his hat down further over his eyes. Kakyoin squinted in the sun, feeling it beating down on him and knowing that it had to be even worse for Jotaro who had lost his coat—and with the burns…

Kakyoin looked around, but there was no shade anywhere nearby this time of day. The rocky cliff face to their right wouldn't offer a shadow until hours later. He was going to have to do something though, because Jotaro had lost a lot of blood, some of it still seeping from the bad patch job they'd done with little more than band-aids Polnareff had had in his bag, and he was looking worse and worse by the second, face pale, sweat dripping off his skin.

Then he swayed, knees shaking and Kakyoin caught him quickly around the waist, trying to steady the taller boy. Jotaro let out a sharp gasp, stiffening.

"Sorry," Kakyoin said, wincing as he realized he must have grabbed one of the burns. "Come on, you should sit down."

Jotaro grunted, but didn't protest when Kakyoin dragged him around the car and settled him down. This was the only place that there was any sort of shade, just a couple feet of it, but it was better than nothing.

There really was something deadly about the desert sun though. It wasn't like the muggy heat of summers back in Japan; it was merciless, pounding into your head.

Jotaro landed heavily, legs sprawled out in front of him, still bared to the sun. Kakyoin winced as he saw a patch above Jotaro's knee where his trousers had been burned through, revealing a pink patch of skin. There were more on his arms and neck, and a couple that had gone through his shirt. Jotaro leaned his head back against the side of the car, eyes closed.

"Hey," Kakyoin said suddenly, really starting to get worried by Jotaro's unresponsiveness. "How about some water?"

Jotaro grunted, giving a small nod. Kakyoin hurriedly rummaged through their supplies and found a couple canteens. He took one and handed it to Jotaro but the other teen's hands were shaking too much to open the cap. Kakyoin swiftly retrieved it and untwisted the cap, then held it for Jotaro to drink from.

"M'fine," Jotaro muttered, reaching up to grab the bottle, only to spill it down his chin.

Kakyoin sighed and took it back, helping Jotaro drink. He took several large gulps before he settled back, closing his eyes, shifting uncomfortably on the rocky ground. His skin was starting to tint red and not just from the injuries and the burns.

Kakyoin worried at his lip, he really needed to get Jotaro out of the sun before he burned up.

Suddenly, he had an idea. He took his uniform coat off and tucked the tail into the car's door before stretching it across Jotaro and anchoring it to a large rock that sat a couple feet away, making a sort of tiny sunshade. Jotaro glanced up at it briefly, and seemed to relax a little now that the sun wasn't beating onto him directly.

"Thanks," he murmured. "But you…"

"I'm fine," Kakyoin assured him. He still had his long-sleeved shirt to protect him, and there was enough shade to cover him a little bit at least. "I only have a couple shallow injuries. Two of those gasoline bullets went right through you, and I know the burns must be bad, especially in this heat."

Jotaro grunted non-committedly, slumping further against the car, tucking his long legs up fully into the shade, bracing his feet against the rock.

Kakyoin sat in silence for a couple more minutes, noticing Jotaro's clenching fists, before he said. "They'll be quick. You know we all have the same goals, Jotaro."

Jotaro refused to look at him, but his hands seemed to loosen just slightly. Kakyoin set his jaw, knowing how he would feel if it was his mother in danger. That was part of the reason why he came along to begin with.

Jotaro shifted as if seeking a more comfortable position and his back slid against the side of the car, causing him to hiss in pain. Kakyoin glanced over and saw a smear of blood, more drops falling into the sand before.

"Jotaro, you're still bleeding!"

Jotaro glanced down, blinking at the drops of blood. "Said I'm fine."

"Not if we don't stop that bleeding," Kakyoin put his foot down in exasperation and reached into the car again, pulling out a scrap that had been left over from earlier bandaging. He pushed Jotaro forward and pressed hard against the still-bleeding hole through Jotaro's shoulder.

"Dammit, Kakyoin," he growled, the first real reaction Kakyoin had gotten out of him.

"Sorry, but I have to put pressure on this. I'm not going to let you bleed out."

Jotaro gritted his teeth, and Kakyoin caught a flash of something in his eyes before he looked away. Was it…fear? Kakyoin wasn't entirely sure what he'd seen, but it was definitely not something he would expect from Jotaro Kujo.

Jotaro shifted again and Kakyoin checked the wound before pressing harder. Jotaro bowed slightly, another choked off sound escaping his throat. Kakyoin felt him trembling too, more sweat beading on his skin, dripping down to join the drops of blood.

The amount of blood that had soaked into the back of Jotaro's undershirt was not something that gave Kakyoin a good feeling. The other boy really needed stitches for these wounds.

He was able to get the bleeding down to a trickle again, and grabbed more of the scraps and the last of the gauze.

"I'm going to try to plug this," he said. "It will hurt, but it will stop the bleeding."

Jotaro grunted non-committedly and Kakyoin removed the wad of bloody cloth, pulled Jotaro's shirt away from his shoulder and shoved the gauze into the wound.

Jotaro stiffened, a sharp gasp escaping him as his hands clenched in his lap. Kakyoin hurriedly pressed the cloth back over the wound and began tying it off tight against Jotaro's shoulder, hoping that would keep him from bleeding too much more.

He was just finishing up when Jotaro started to sag, and then slumped completely to the side.

Kakyoin's eyes widened and he reached out and grabbed him, hurriedly propping him back up. "Jotaro! Hey!" he shook him. "Hey, this is no time to fall asleep! You hear me? You need to stay awake!"

Jotaro's eyes slit open with a moan, blinking. "Too loud," he grunted.

"Sorry, but you need to stay awake. You're going into shock from blood loss and that's not a good thing," Kakyoin said, trying to keep from panicking. "Just don't pass out on me!"

Jotaro let out a long breath and slumped back against the car, looking like he was fighting to keep his head up, squinting. "'S really hot," he murmured, more sweat dripping down his face as his body shook.

Kakyoin pressed his lips together and reached for the canteen again, offering it to Jotaro to take a few more swallows before he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wet it. He reached out to press it against Jotaro's face.

Jotaro jerked back. "What're ya' doin'?" he slurred.

"Keeping you cool," Kakyoin said firmly. "You might want to take off your hat."

Jotaro ducked away again, turning his head away. "No way."

Kakyoin sighed, but worked around it, dabbing the sweat and blood from Jotaro's face and neck before refreshing the cloth again, settling it against the back of his neck.

Jotaro sighed and started to slump again. Kakyoin nudged him. "Come on, don't sleep."

"Trying," Jotaro murmured and he sounded so tired and worn down that Kakyoin felt something twist in his stomach. He hadn't once seen Jotaro lose his cool though he knew that he had nightmares and would bury his head under the pillows at night, sometimes shaking with pent-up emotion. The fact he was slipping now when he knew someone was watching told Kakyoin just how badly he was hurt.

"Talk to me," Jotaro suddenly said, startling Kakyoin.

The red-head resumed his ministrations, feeling suddenly at a loss for words. "About what?"

"Anything," Jotaro said. "Just…keep me awake. You've always got a lot to talk about."

"Well, okay," Kakyoin said and thought about it, looking around for inspiration. "You know, I read this really interesting article once about the desert ecosystem…"

Enough time passed to give them more shade, and though Kakyoin could tell that Jotaro was still only barely hanging on, he was hanging on and that's what mattered. He talked about whatever came into his head and Jotaro listened, nodding or sometimes giving a small sound of acknowledgement. Sometimes even a mumbled question or comment. It was kind of nice actually. Kakyoin had never had anyone to talk to like this besides his parents and though they were always patient and showed interest in what he was interested in, there was something different about talking to a friend who genuinely seemed to enjoy listening to what he had to say. He would never have suspected that Jotaro was so interested in nature and biology and such, but he didn't think that his friend's attention was faked either. It wasn't like he really had the capacity at the moment.

Still, Jotaro was hurting, sure enough, and Kakyoin felt a huge relief when he heard the sound of an engine and saw a jeep pull up next to their car.

He stood up from under their tiny lean-to as Joseph and Polnareff jumped out of the car.

"Kakyoin!" Joseph called, hurrying over.

"Mr. Joestar," Kakyoin sighed in relief.

"How is he?" the old man asked.

"I was able to keep him conscious, but I had to stop the bleeding in his shoulder again. He really needs more attention," Kakyoin said worriedly.

Joseph nodded and knelt to see to his grandson as Kakyoin pulled his coat down, folding it over his arm.

"Jiji," Jotaro murmured as Joseph put a kindly palm to his cheek. The fact Jotaro didn't even pull away was telling.

"We're back, Jojo. Kakyoin, help me get him to the car. It's only a half-hour's drive back to the town."

Kakyoin and Joseph pulled Jotaro to his feet and mostly carried him to the car. They got him into the back and Kakyoin folded his coat around Jotaro's shoulders. It was small but would do a little bit of good at least.

Polnareff and Joseph grabbed the rest of their stuff from the other car and then they were on their way.

Kakyoin glanced over at Jotaro who was slumped against the door, but his eyes were open, meeting the other boy's gaze.

"Thanks," he said quietly.

Kakyoin nodded, a small smile on his lips. "No problem." He paused then said. "But you still can't sleep until we get you proper medical attention."

Jotaro huffed something like a frustrated laugh.

"I know what will keep you up!" Polnareff announced. "Singing!" And he launched into some raucous French song.

"Good grief," Jotaro groaned, ducking down as Kakyoin stuck his fingers in his ears. "You should have left me to bleed out."

They all laughed as Polnareff got offended but they were safe for now, and that was all that mattered.

[transmedicalism-saves-lives]

Why did you choose to go down the medical route instead of getting therapy for your discomfort with your body, which afai understand, we both agree is out of the normal / a pathological condition? Why not address the root issues you have with your born sex instead of jumping to plastic surgery? Doctors don't tell anorexics that if they feel more comfortable starving, that's valid but the medical industry profits off of transsexuals undergoing insanely pricey sergery that aren't technically lifesaving but they're sneakishly presented as such. If no surgery means a transsexual remains in severe discomfort which leads to suicidal thoughts, then these thoughts and their origins need to be treated as the problem, not a healthy functioning body. Lastly, I'm sincere and if you choose to answer sincerely too, that'd be for me of interest to read.

Okay, hi! Thanks for reaching out. I’m really glad you asked, because the thing is, your question itself shows a common misconception. 

I did go down the therapy route. I went down the therapy route for five years before the first time I injected HRT. That included more therapists than I care to count, some practices that left me crying into my bedsheets, and a lot of hard work that came to nothing. 

Thing is, I liked being a girl. I never wanted this. I miss being treated like a girl, it suited me much better. Not to mention, I’ve had an extreme phobia of needles since I was strapped to a cot and stabbed with them for over two hours when I was five, because all my veins had collapsed due to blood cancer and they couldn’t get the needle in any of them. The prospect of a weekly injection turned my stomach, and surgery? Surgery is terrifying, and it hurts so much. I already knew how much surgery hurts. Transitioning wasn’t something I ever desired. 

But dysphoria is so hard to live with. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been through something like this could quite get it. It isn’t about hating how you look exactly. I can look at pre-transition pictures and admit I was pretty. Even back then I was well aware I was pretty. I looked better then than I do now. It was like there were bits of me missing, and that caused serious physical distress. My breasts, they always felt separate from me, like a parasite that was latched onto my chest and would not go away. My voice sounded false, even the way my body hair grew looked wrong, and not in a ‘I should be hairless’ sense.

I was not suicidal, I want to make that perfectly clear. I have never wanted to be dead, but the things I did to try to make my body feel some semblance of normalcy were dangerous. If I did nothing, I couldn’t get through the day. I’d end up leaving class to vomit a few times every day, or else dissociate until suddenly I realized I hadn’t noticed an hour pass and had mentally skipped class. My grades took a nosedive, and the consequences of that were awful. I don’t like talking about them. But, binding worked a little bit. Binding made it easier to get through the day. I used bandages until I got a real binder, which was dangerous enough, but not as dangerous as the time I dissociated in the shower and figured that I could end this right now if I just cut them off with a breadknife. I still have a scar from that. Even binding, the safest option, wasn’t that safe when it went on for years. It also wasn’t enough. Oh, have I mentioned I used to intentionally blow out my voice so that I’d sound less female? That was also a probably not smart thing I did. 

It took between when I was thirteen and when I was eighteen for me to give up on therapy. That’s half a decade of trying it your way, a good percentage of my life. I couldn’t keep doing it forever and more than that, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to spend every moment feeling like things were crawling on me, like my skin was full of parasites. I didn’t want to spend forever unable to properly enjoy sex, or let a partner see me naked without vomiting on her (sorry Rachel, honestly, you were the best friend I could have had at the time and I hope you find every happiness). I want a normal life. I want a house, a wife, as many kids as possible, I was so sick of this thing making it impossible. 

When I first put the needle in, I was scared. I had so many thoughts flooding my mind, like, “This is the wrong choice, you’re ruining your body, you can’t come back from this, nobody will ever love a freak like you, this is dangerous, how could you be so stupid?” But then the changes started, and all those voices were gone. It felt so good. I could sing again without hating it, I felt genuinely comfortable whenever I had a binder on. Transition did in two months more than therapy did in five years. How could I not want that? 

I got top surgery once it was clear that, no, my breasts were not actually healthy anymore. Binding, which kept me from dissociating, getting sick, or god forbid trying DIY top surgery again, had also been impacting my lungs, and ribs. I’d also had bruises there for the past few years. Surgery hurt, but binding forever would have ended up much, much worse, and not binding just wasn’t an option for me. Top surgery was hard. It was painful. But, I can run again without any problems. I don’t wake up with bruises anymore. I’m never going to have to run to the bathroom to cough up my lunch because I felt something move that shouldn’t have been inside me. I feel good now, whole. 

I feel like everything that was keeping me from being alive is gone. I’m free, and while I do intend to have bottom surgery (I want to have sex that isn’t one-sided before I die and urination is horribly uncomfortable) I don’t think I’ve ever felt so normal and relieved. There’s no more pain. It’s over. Therapy wasn’t giving me this. Two years and most of it is fixed, after five years of zero progress. 

I hope this helps you understand my decision. It was the only way out that I could see, and for me, it was what gave me my life back. I might never have died without it, but I wouldn’t have felt alive. It’s what I needed. Thank you for reading all of this, I really appreciate you taking the time to try and understand me. 

[richrainbows]

Gout Foods To Avoid, Adverse Effects, And Prevention Of Kidney Cancer (Unique Article) | Richrainbows

Gout Foods To Avoid

Gout foods to avoid and eating right is very important to the body – as what we eat has a long way of reflecting on our body and in the way we think.

When you eat right, it organizes your brain chemistry to function properly.

The foods we eat play a large role in our life – which is why we need to focus on what we put into our mouth for our body to function properly and prevent anything like diseases and illnesses that might try to spring up.

There is a lot of secretion that happens in the body and a lot has to do with the kidney.

Our kidney is very important, and it plays a large role in the whole-body formation.

This article is a must-read for anyone who would want to incorporate a healthy lifestyle and a fruitful one.

So, you would be looking at extreme measures to take to maintain balance in the way you eat, learning about the effect of the food you eat in your system, and how bad eating can affect your kidney.

Over 73,000 Americans are to be diagnosed with kidney cancer due to the kinds of foods that are being consumed on a day-to-day basis.

That is why good eating habits are vital to maintaining a healthy body and prevent the body also from getting diagnosed with kidney cancer. Kidney cancer would be talked about a lot here because one of the most illnesses being treated in the states is related to kidney cancer.

If you have been diagnosed with kidney cancer, then you should place more emphasis on the types of food you consume.

You should take proper care into the foods you should be eating and the food you should avoid. You should also be aware that during treatment, your diet is liable to change.

You would be looking at various foods you should place more priority on and the ones you should permanently avoid. Gout foods to avoid.

What Is Gout?

Gout is an arthritic condition characterized by acute joint pain, edema, and inflammation. It occurs when the blood has too much uric acid, causing crystals to form in the joints.

The big toes are affected in over half of all gout cases, while the fingers, wrists, knees, and heels are also affected.

When there is too much uric acid in the blood, gout symptoms or "attacks" occur. When the body digests certain foods, it produces uric acid as a waste product.

Uric acid crystals might form in your joints if your levels are too high. Swelling, inflammation, and excruciating pain are all symptoms of this procedure.

Gout bouts usually happen at night and last three to ten days (6).

The majority of persons with the illness have these symptoms as a result of their bodies' inability to effectively eliminate excess uric acid. This allows uric acid to build up in the joints, solidify, and settle.

Others with gout produce too much uric acid as a result of their genetics or nutrition.

How Does Food Affect Gout? (Gout Foods To Avoid)

Certain foods, if you have gout, can cause an attack by boosting your uric acid levels.

Purines, a naturally occurring component in meals, are typically found in trigger foods. Your body produces uric acid as a waste product when you consume purines.

Healthy people don't have to worry about this because their bodies easily remove excess uric acid.

Gout sufferers, on the other hand, are unable to effectively eliminate excess uric acid. As a result, a high-purine diet may cause uric acid to build up and lead to a gout attack.

Gout episodes can be avoided by limiting high-purine foods and using the proper medicine, according to study.

Organ meats, red meats, seafood, alcohol, and beer are all known to cause gout attacks. They have a moderate-to-high purine content.

There is one exception to this rule, though. Gout attacks are not triggered by high-purine foods, according to research.

Interestingly, while not being purine-rich, fructose and sugar-sweetened beverages can raise the incidence of gout and gout attacks.

They may instead increase uric acid levels by speeding up many cellular processes.

People who ingested the most fructose, for example, had a 62 percent increased risk of developing gout, according to a study with over 125,000 participants.

Foods to Eat

When watching your diet, there are some certain foods you should have in your storehouse. These foods are grouped according to their specification and their nutritional requirements are found in the human body.

Your nutritional requirement depends on the treatment you may probably be on, or if you are on medication. The following are the types of foods to eat to promote healthy living and have a good functional kidney.

Fruits and Vegetables

Fruits and vegetables are foods that are high in soluble fiber and also a good rich source of vitamins and minerals.

Fruits and vegetables also help to reduce the level of cholesterol in the body and help to control the level of sugar in the body.

Every day you should have a goal to eat at least 10 fruits and vegetables from different species.

You cannot deny the benefits of consuming vegetables on a daily basis – the nutrients obtained from its daily consumption helps to build up body tissues and fight against illnesses due to wear and tear of the body caused by human activities.

Whole Grains and Starches

When we talk of whole-grain foods, it is referred to wheat bread, wild rice, and pasta. These ranges of foods are amazing sources of energy which are rich in fiber, iron, and vitamins.

We can't do without grains as a source of energy in our daily life – in essence, is why we can move around to do things that matter most in our lives.

Some types of whole grains are also found to be high and rich in phosphorus and potassium.

But, to consume a lot of these foods would require your kidneys to function properly. So it is very important to see your doctor about the kind of whole-grain food you want to consume before starting a diet.

Proteins

Proteins are a very important part of a diet – it helps in building up the muscle. In every meal that is consumed in a day, protein must be found.

It is essential to growth and bodybuilding. Everything needs to be consumed at a normal rate and not in excess.

Consumption of too much protein can cause a buildup of derived waste in the bloodstream for someone with kidney cancer.

That's why it arises from symptoms such as fatigue, nausea, and headache. If you do not know the right amount of protein to be consumed, then you should visit a dietician to assist you in assembling your foods in the right proportion.

These ranges of foods are highly required for a healthy body system. But in consuming them, care has to be observed.

Meeting regularly with your doctor is paramount to living healthy and sustaining yourself for a better tomorrow. Nobody likes to be in a critical health condition – that’s why it is important to watch your diet.

All legumes, including lentils, beans, soybeans, and tofu, are fine.

Nuts and seeds of all kinds Oats, brown rice, and barley are examples of whole grains. Dairy items:

While all dairy products are healthy, low-fat dairy looks to be particularly advantageous (11Trusted Source, 18Trusted Source).

Coffee, tea, and green tea are some of the beverages available. Herbs and spices:

a wide variety of herbs and spices.

Canola, coconut, olive, and flax oils are examples of plant-based oils.

Read: Hepatitis Viral Disease: Causes, Effects, Treatments, and Preventions – Good health (2021) | Richrainbows

Foods to Avoid to Maintain a Healthy Kidney

There are some certain ranges of foods to avoid in order not to be diagnosed with kidney cancer – as that's our area of concentration in this article.

Some foods are detrimental to our health.

The more we consume them, the more we worsen our body tissues which can in the long run affect our health. It is only what goes into the belly that can damage our inbuilt system. The following are the major foods to avoid when you are looking at keeping a healthy body system.

Read: The Importance of Happiness and Its Effect on Human Health(2021) | Video – Richrainbows

Avoid foods that are high in salt

One of the common causes of high blood pressure in the body is excess consumption of salt. Salt can disrupt the fluid balance in the body and can make the kidney dysfunctional in various ways.

I know in your daily life, you would want to go to that latest restaurant to get your favorite delicacy – but consuming these foods can boost your sodium intake and make you develop some health symptoms.

So it is best in your interest to avoid regular consumption of these lists of foods to avoid any problem.

Deli meats

Processed and canned foods

Salty snacks

Fast food

Any other food containing a high mixture of salt

If you are wondering what you could use to replace seasoning your food with, you can think of using spices instead of using salt.

Avoid foods high in phosphorus

It is very important to avoid foods high in phosphorus. A lot of us don't know the essence of maintaining proper health balance.

What do you understand about phosphorus? Phosphorus is a chemical element necessary for maintaining bone strength.

This is very good, right? Yes, it is. But, in people with kidney cancer, it is capable of building up the bloodstream which causes symptoms such as; joint pain and itching.

If you find yourself in this range, and you seem to be struggling with such symptoms, then, you should consider stopping the intake of food with high phosphorus. What are foods with high phosphorus? These are foods such as;

Nuts

Beans

Bran cereal

Seeds

Drinking too much water

As cocky as this may sound, it is true. This is specifically for those with kidney cancer which makes it difficult for them when they consume too much water.

People with kidney problems always have an issue with over-hydrating.

When too much water is being consumed by someone with kidney problems, it makes the kidney alter urine production and cause your body to retain a lot of fluid inside of it.

Health-wise, everyone should drink a lot of water, but try as much as possible not to drink it in excess.

Health issues are serious issues to be focused on.

When you visit your doctor or dietician, and you are being asked to stay off some certain foods – it is in your own best interest to stay off these foods to a large extent.

You might get tempted to get your hands on some of these foods – it is normal for people to want to try them. But you must be disciplined to an extent to monitor your health and stay safe the best way you can be.

There are ways in which you can fight against kidney cancer.

These crucial steps are to be followed judiciously to achieve the aim of what you want to do. You will be reading amazing steps by which you can fight against kidney cancer.

Tips on how to fight against kidney cancer

Everything we consume in the body goes through the kidney, so a lot of care and caution has to be placed upon protecting the kidney against harmful foods that can pose a threat to the kidney.

The kidney does a lot of work in regulating how the body adapts to the high rate of secretion that happens in the body. We would be looking at tips on how to fight against kidney cancer.

Make manly salads

While men are known for becoming potential species for kidney cancer more than women, it gives rise to attention to be placed on the kind of food that they eat.

Salads with arugula or cabbage should be consumed a lot with vegetables such as; carrots, radishes, and vitamin c red peppers.

Go lean on protein

Although protein is very good on the body – it is also good to take it slow on its consumption.

Eating a skinless chicken contains less phosphorus than a skinned chicken.

Your kidneys play an important role in balancing your body metabolism due to the intake of protein foods such as; fish, eggs, and meat.

Go low on bananas

Bananas contain potassium which helps to regulate fluid and support the nervous system in the body. But for an ailing kidney, much consumption won’t be good because it may not be able to take out a lot of potassium from the blood during circulation.

If you want to take an alternative – for those with failing kidneys, you can try eating pineapple because it helps reduce inflammation.

Take a large amount of berries

Berries are a great source for protection against cancer – as they are packed with antioxidants which are capable of protecting the kidney from inflammation.

Take, for example, the blueberries – it contains antioxidants called anthocyanins which are also known to protect against cancer.

Other types of grapes known to have such great benefits are the red and purple grapes which carry flavonoids.

But some measures can be taken to prevent kidney cancer.

Some of the causes of kidney cancer around the world are a result of cultivating bad habits over time which has become so difficult to stop as a result of getting used to these negative habits.

Furthermore, some preventive measures can be adopted to ensure that the rising level of kidney cancer in the world is reduced gradually. But, discipline is needed to make sure that quick and immediate results are seen.

Read: The Importance of Happiness and Its Effect on Human Health(2021) | Video – Richrainbows

How to Prevent Kidney Cancer

As regular research is being made to determine the best way to prevent kidney cancer, it is said that there is no guaranteed way to totally prevent kidney cancer but only to lower the risk of being diagnosed with kidney cancer.

The following are ways by which you can lower your risk of kidney cancer, and it’s as follows;

Quit Smoking: if you love your health, then you should take it seriously and stop smoking immediately because the more you stay on the cigarette, the more your chances of increasing your risk of having cancer.

Find ways to lower your blood pressure: it is very important to take active measures to lower your blood pressure so that your body metabolism can relax.

Maintain a healthy body weight: nobody likes being obese – when the body fat is too much, it could cause blockage to other bloodstreams in the body and cause you difficulty in breathing. So take care of yourself and cut the weight down.

Eat a high fruits and vegetable diet

When you are practicing these good habits, you must speak with a team of healthcare professionals to help you with maintaining and keeping a good and healthy body. More importantly, staying in shape.

Also Read: 8 Cancer Prevention Tips to Help You Reduce Your Risks | Richrainbows

[johnlockiseverywhere]

Mental Health Series - Depression

Let's talk a little about Mental Health? BBC Sherlock, as other series, just flirt a little with the theme, using it for comic relief or plot proposes. Consequently, it doesn't develop the subject satisfyingly, fixing on stereotypes and creating, most of the time, a superficial or even inaccurate representation. But thank god fandom gave us fanfiction, so we could fix that.

This series will contain an edit picture, a little text talking about the subject of the day and a fic rec with fanfics that abbord the theme.

The conditions and disorders in this edits are the ones that were explicitly mentioned in the series.

Warning: Please, don't use this post as a diagnoses tool.

Trigger Warning: Some of the situations and subjects in this post and these works may be triggering, please always check the tags or the notes first.

Depression

"Losing a loved one, getting fired from a job, going through a divorce, and other difficult situations can lead a person to feel sad, lonely and scared. These feelings are normal reactions to life's stressors. Most people feel low and sad at times. However, in the case of individuals who are diagnosed with depression as a psychiatric disorder, the manifestations of the low mood are much more severe and they tend to persist.

Depression occurs more often in women than men. Some differences in the manner in which the depressed mood manifests has been found based on sex and age. In men it manifests often as tiredness, irritability and anger. They may show more reckless behavior and abuse drugs and alcohol. They also tend to not recognize that they are depressed and fail to seek help. In women depression tends to manifest as sadness, worthlessness, and guilt. In younger children depression is more likely to manifest as school refusal, anxiety when separated from parents, and worry about parents dying. Depressed teenagers tend to be irritable, sulky, and get into trouble in school. They also frequently have co-morbid anxiety, eating disorders, or substance abuse. In older adults depression may manifest more subtly as they tend to be less likely to admit to feelings of sadness or grief and medical illnesses which are more common in this population also contributes or causes the depression.  

There are different types of depressive disorders, and while there are many similarities among them, each depressive disorder has its own unique set of symptoms.

The most commonly diagnosed form of depression is Major Depressive Disorder. In 2015, around 16.1 million adults aged 18 years or older in the U.S. had experienced at least one major depressive episode in the last year, which represented 6.7 percent of all American adults.

Major depression is characterized by at least five of the diagnostic symptoms of which at least one of the symptoms is either an overwhelming feeling of sadness or a loss of interest and pleasure in most usual activities. The other symptoms that are associated with major depression include decrease or increase in appetite, insomnia or hypersomnia, psycho motor agitation or retardation, constant fatigue, feelings of worthlessness or excessive and inappropriate guilt, recurrent thoughts of death and suicidal ideation with or without specific plans for committing suicide, and cognitive difficulties, such as, diminished ability to think, concentrate and take decisions. The symptoms persist for two weeks or longer and represent a significant change from previous functioning. Social, occupational, educational, or other important functioning is also impacted. For instance, the person may start missing work or school, or stop going to classes or their usual social activities. 

Another type of depression is called Persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia). The essential feature of this mood disorder is a low, dark or sad mood that is persistently present for most of the day and on most days, for at least 2 years (children and adolescents may experience predominantly irritability and the mood persist for at least 1 year). For the individual to receive the diagnosis of persistent depressive disorder they should also have two of the diagnostic symptoms which include poor appetite or overeating, insomnia or hypersomnia, low energy or fatigue, low self-esteem, poor concentration, difficulty making decisions, or feelings of hopelessness. During this period, any symptom-free intervals last no longer than two months. The symptoms are not as severe as with major depression. Major depression may precede persistent depressive disorder, and major depressive episodes may also occur during persistent depressive disorder.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder is another manifestation of depression which is a severe and sometimes disabling extension of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Although regular PMS and Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) both have physical and emotional symptoms, the mood changes in PMDD are much more severe and can disrupt social, occupational, and other important areas of functioning. In both PMDD and PMS, symptoms usually begin seven to 10 days before the start of a menstrual period and continue for the first few days of the period. Both PMDD and PMS may also cause breast tenderness, bloating, fatigue, and changes in sleep and eating habits. PMDD is characterized by emotional and behavioral symptoms that are more severe, such as sadness or hopelessness, anxiety or tension, extreme moodiness, irritability or anger.

Some medical conditions can trigger depressive symptoms in individuals. This is called depressive disorder due to another medical condition. Endocrine and reproductive system disorders are commonly associated with depressive symptoms. For example, people with low levels of the thyroid hormone (hypothyroidism) often experience fatigue, weight gain, irritability, memory loss, and low mood. When the hypothyroidism is treated it usually reduces the depression. Cushing's syndrome is another hormonal disorder caused by high levels of the hormone cortisol which can also cause depressive symptoms. Other conditions that have been found to cause depression include conditions such as HIV/AIDS, diabetes, strokes, Parkinson’s disease etc.

Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood is diagnosed when symptoms of depression are triggered within 3 months of onset of a stressor. The stressor usually involves a change of some kind in the life of the individual which he/she finds stressful. Sometimes the stressor can even be a positive event such as a new job, marriage, or baby which is nevertheless stressful for the individual. The distress is typically out of proportion to the expected reaction and the symptoms cause significant distress and impairment in functioning. The symptoms typically resolve within 6 months when the person begins to cope and adapt to the stressor or the stressor is removed. Treatment tends to be time limited and relatively simple since some additional support during the stressful period helps the person recover and adapt.

Another type of depression is related to changes in the length of days or seasonality. This type of depression is called Seasonal affective disorder (SAD). People with SAD suffer the symptoms of a Major Depressive Disorder only during a specific time of year, usually winter. This appears to be related to the shorter days of winter, and the lack of sunlight in many parts of the country."

- Anxiety and Depression Association of America

Maybe that is the most represented disorder in BBC Sherlock. We can see signs of depression in both John and Sherlock in different moments and in different series. In series one, the image of John's gun in his bedside table and the allusion of a suicide intent and Sherlock's dark moods. In MHR and Series three we can see it in John's grief period and Sherlock's relapse. In series four they are shown in John's grief after Mary's death and Sherlock's other relapse. But maybe, the biggest allusion, even if indirectly, is Sherlock's suicide. The motive may not be related, but the act itself is enough to trigger some discussions about the theme. "Would it be out of character if Sherlock did it for real?" That we don't know. What we do know is that he doesn't believe his life to worth that much and that he has some self-destructive tendencies. Other thing to be discussed is the coping mechanism shown in the series. Both Sherlock and John shown a majority of potentially toxic coping mechanisms like alcohol, drugs, adrenaline seeking and extreme reclusion.

It's important to talk about the subject. The more educated we are about the matter, more efficiently we can help people around us who are suffering from disease.

And I chose to do this edit specifically because of the period of the year. Mosty because of Yellow September, where people talk and discuss about suicide prevention.

If you are suffering from something similar, please search professional help from a therapist or a psychiatrist.

HOTLINES

Suicide Hotline (US, UK, Canada & Singapore): 1-800-SUICIDE (2433)

Suicide hotline (New Zealand): 0800 543 354

Depression hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Crisis Line: 1-800-999-9999

National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK (8245)

National Adolescent Suicide Helpline: 1-800-621-4000

Postpartum Depression: 1-800-PPD-MOMS

NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group: 1-800-826-3632

Veterans: 1-877-VET2VET

Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis: 1-800-233-4357

Suicide & Depression Crisis Line – Covenant House: 1-800-999-9999

SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINES:

Austria: 01-713-3373

Australia: 1-800-817-569

Barbados: 429-9999

Brazil: 21-233-9191

Canada: 514-723-4000

China: 852-2382-0000

Costa Rica: 506-253-5439

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 7621602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Guatemala: 502-254-1259

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 62-420-111

India: 91-22-307-3451

Italy: 06-7045-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Maylaysia: 03-756-8144

Maurititus: 46-48-889 or 800-93-93

Mexico: 525-510-2550

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

Nicarague: 505-268-6171

Norway: 815-33-300

Poland: 800 70 2222 or 116 123

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Republic of Ireland: 1850-60-90-90

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Singapore: 800-221-4444 or 000-227-0309

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Spain: 91-459-00-50

Sri Vincent: 1-692-909

St. Vincent: 809-456-1044

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad & Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715 or 0482-226565

United Kingdom: 08457-90-90-90

United States: 1-800-SUICIDE (7842433), or 1-800-TALK (8255), or 1-800-827-7571

◇

Table for One Series

By SilentAuror

32k, Mature to Explicit, Johnlock

Series Progression: Finished

Works: 2

Sherlock has returned to London, only to find that the John he left behind has changed. Why is he spending so much time alone in cafés, hardly eating, limping again? Why has he become so beige? Sherlock slowly begins to realise that this is not going to be as easy as he had thought.

_

carrying up his morning tea

By darcylindbergh

34k, Explicit, Johnlock

Work Progression: Finished

Chapters: 5

His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

_

White Tulip

By withoutawish

41k, Explicit, Johnlock

Work Progression: Finished

Chapters: 1

Sherlock is in love with John Watson. John Watson is in love with Mary Morstan. Sherlock likes Mary Morstan just fine. Sherlock likes drugs more. And most importantly, Sherlock doesn’t like Sherlock.

String theory dictates the laws of the universe. But their story isn’t one that can be boxed up neatly, tied in a heartstring bow.

"After all, the axioms of homeostasis dictate that an infinity sign of negative feedback can only loop back in on itself.”

_

A Satellite Out of Orbit

By SilentAuror

6k, Mature, Johnlock

Work Progression: Finished

Chapters: 1

For years, Ella has been trying to get John Watson to open up and talk to her about his issues. To her surprise, his longtime flatmate Sherlock Holmes turns up one day, needing her advice.

_

A River Without Banks

By Chryse

203k, Explicit, Johnlock

Work Progression: Finished

Chapters: 23

"You love this, being Sherlock Holmes."

He had once. When had it all gone so wrong?

 

Fully completed, not a WIP. Updates will post twice a week.

_

Lunar Landscapes

By J_Baillier

57k, Mature, Johnlock

Work Progression: Finished

Chapters: 21

An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

_

Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest

By Maribor_Petrichor

280k, Explicit, Johnlock

Work Progression: Finished

Chapters: 73

John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on.

John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go.

"It is what it is."

John Watson is what happens when what "it is" becomes too much to bear.

This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.

_

Precipice

By PoppyAlexander

6k, Mature, Johnlock

Work Progression: Finished

Chapters: 1

Ten years after his return from the war, lighthouse keeper John Watson meets consulting detective Sherlock Holmes, pacing at the cliff's edge.

_

Right Hand Man

By SilentAuror

42k, Explicit, Johnlock

Work Progression: Finished

Chapters: 4

When John's left arm becomes paralysed after a car accident, Mary asks Sherlock to take him back to Baker Street to recuperate, as she's about to give birth. Despite the fact that the search for Moriarty is ongoing, Sherlock takes John in and takes responsibility for overseeing his rehabilitation as he adjusts to the loss of his arm.

[uncloseted]

This is a little controversial but I think sexual attraction and romantic attraction can't be separated. I don't think you can be romantically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to them. I DO think you can be sexually attracted to someone without being romantically attracted to them, in love with them, though. Which leads me to the idea that asexuality is a false thing that may come from self esteem issues rather than a real absence of sexual attraction. +

(sexual attraction anon) This is an opinion I hold privately, and I wouldn't impose it on someone who identifies as asexual. But I'm admitting it here because I think it's worth thinking about for people who consider themselves asexual. It might be an issue of not wanting to see yourself sexually, or not being comfortable with the concept of sex due to the inherent disgust it can bring. That's psychological issues to me and should be explored instead of taken as an intrinsic part of identity.            

I disagree.  Human sexuality is weird and comes in so many different configurations that it makes sense to me that some people are just sort of born without a sex drive the way that some people are born gay or trans.  If you can be sexually attracted to someone without being romantically interested in them, it makes sense to me that the opposite can happen, as well.

But the amount of teenagers on the internet who have claimed asexuality as part of their identity does concern me.  There are so many reasons why a person’s sex drive is low or nonexistent, and some of those reasons are actually quite serious in a larger context.  There are basically a few categories that I think need to be considered when talking about nonexistent sex drive: hormones, medical, psychological hangups, confused about gender, confused about sexuality.  For teenagers, I would also include a category that’s, “hasn’t reached sexual maturity yet”.

Digging into those categories, let’s start with hormones.  If you have a hormonal imbalance (low testosterone or estrogen), your sex drive can disappear (or, if you’re young enough, never develop).  Low hormone levels impact other aspects of a person’s life besides just sex drive- they’re also important for regulating bone and muscle growth, managing inflammatory responses, and regulating cholesterol levels, among other things.  Being on a hormonal birth control pill can also impact your hormone levels, and some recent studies have suggested that hormonal birth control can lessen sex drive.

Going along with that, reduced or nonexistent sex drive can be a symptom of non-hormonal medical issues as well. Arthritis, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary artery disease and neurological diseases can all cause sex drive to disappear.  Mental illnesses, like depression and anxiety, can also cause a person’s sex drive to disappear.  Certain medications, like SSRIs (but also blood pressure medications, corticosteroids, opioid pain relievers) can also impact sex drive.  My point here is that before a person decides that asexuality is just a part of their sexual identity, they should make sure there aren’t other compounding factors on the medical side of things, because it could turn out to be a symptom of something more serious,

Then moving on to psychological hangups, I think there are a ton of different reasons why someone might be psychologically uncomfortable with sex.  This could be anything from past traumatic experiences regarding sex, anxiety about their partner’s expectations of them, anxiety about how their body looks, anxiety about how they’ll be viewed in society... I was talking yesterday about “accelerators” and “brakes” in female sexuality, and I think sometimes people confuse their brain hitting the brakes due to psychological distress with not being interested in sex at all.  I also think that sometimes people have underwhelming sexual experiences and assume the problem is that they’re just not interested in sex, when in actuality it was just bad sex.  All that might sound like a cop-out but it’s not.  Young people, especially young girls, are under a ton of pressure when it comes to their sexuality, and I understand the impulse to bow out entirely so as not to have to navigate it.  The trauma that comes from being shamed about your sexuality is real.  But I think it’s important to engage with those feelings and unpack them instead of ignoring them, particularly if the aversion to sexuality does come from a past sexual trauma.

Then there’s confused about gender or confused about sexuality.  Basically this is just what it sounds like; sometimes it takes a while for people to realize that they’re actually trans or gay, and in the interim they identify as asexual.  Sometimes this is because it’s psychologically easier to be asexual than it is to navigate what it means to be an LGBT+ person in society, and sometimes it’s because they just haven’t found themselves yet, but I think that’s important to consider as well.

And then there’s “hasn’t reached sexual maturity yet”. I got a bit skewered over this last time, I think, but I do stand by it.  A lack of sexual drive or attraction to people when you’re a teenager is not unusual and doesn’t necessarily mean that a person is asexual. Sexual attraction, sexual drive, and figuring out what you like in bed is something that a lot of people don’t really learn about themselvesuntil they’re in their late teens or early twenties.  Some people don’t even go through puberty until their late teens.  And women in particular just sometimes develop sexual feelings a little bit later than men, especially in countries where female sexuality isn’t talked about a lot/demonized/otherwise associated with shame (see above).

 I also think a lot of young people also have some misconceptions about what counts as “having sexual attraction” and what doesn’t- I think some people are under the impression that people who have sex drives want to have sex all day, every day, because of the way it’s portrayed in media, but that’s not true.  It’s super normal to not want to have sex all the time, and that doesn’t (necessarily) make a person asexual or demisexual. It just means they have a normally functioning sex drive. A lot of people also need to feel comfortable with a person before sexual feelings develop, and that’s normal, too- I think there’s a misconception that if you’re a sexual person, you feel sexually attracted to everyone who’s “hot”, and while that’s the case for some people, it’s not the case for everyone.  So I think sometimes it’s not actually a lack of sex drive, so much as the conditions aren’t right for the person to feel and recognise that they’re feeling sexual attraction, if that makes sense (again, accelerator/brake). 

I think ultimately this boils down to a fundamental question- does your lack of sex drive cause you pain, psychological distress, or interfere with your life?  If the answer is yes, then I don’t think it can be considered part of identity.  If the answer is no, then I think it can absolutely be a facet of a person’s identity.  But I worry that not enough people are examining/working on their relationship with their sexuality before deciding that they just don’t have one.  That said, I also think that people are just trying to figure themselves out, and it’s okay if they identify as asexual and then realize down the line that they’re actually something else.  Identity is a process of discovery, and sometimes it takes a while to figure out who we actually are.

TL;DR: asexuality is definitely a thing and can absolutely be a facet of a person’s identity.  That said, I think it’s important to explore and question your relationship with your body and sexuality to see if there are other factors that might be at play, especially factors that have larger ramifications than just a person’s sex life.  Sometimes it’s a sexual orientation, and sometimes it’s a sexual dysfunction, but I think it’s important to know which is which.

[scripttorture]

Let's say X has information he wants to give to the good guys. The bad guys capture him and torture him for that info, but they don't get it. Then the good guys rescue him. How much of a delay would be reasonable before he can give that info to the good guys? Would it depend on how much time passed between he was last tortured and when he was rescued, and how complex the info is?

Theinformation may not be there any more.

Asidefrom making it virtually impossible to recall accurate information inthe moment torture has quite a few long term effects on memory. Theseeffects are all extremely common among survivors but as with anysymptom there isn’t any way to predict whether a survivor wouldsuffer from a particular symptom or not.

Thememory problems torture causes fall into four broad categories,problems with a combination (or even all) of these areas arepossible.

Thefirst is memory loss. This doesn’t effect older memories such asthe character’s childhood but more recent ones. So a characterwouldn’t realistically forget their name, their family or oldfriends. But they might forget everything they did in the week priorto being tortured. They might forget people they met recently. Theymight forget information they recently acquired. They canforget the torture itself but this is relatively rare.

Theinformation lost this way is gone. It’s not subconscious or….storedin some esoteric way. It is just gone.

Thesecond is false memories.We all subconsciously edit our memories. This is a natural part ofthe way the brain stores information and it means that we can neverbe 100% sure that our memories were completely accurate.

Butin torture survivors this happens a lot more than normal. Thedetails of more recently memories are subconsciously changed. Asurvivor may vividly remember the layout of a cell they were kept in-and describe it with the door on the wrong side of the room. Theymight be 100% certain that they were….only hit on the head once bythe torturer with the big nose- only to find that it was someone elsewho hit them.

These‘flaws’ in survivors’ memories are more common in memoriessurrounding torture and  more recently memories (ie things thathappened a short period of time before or after torture). This makesbuilding torture cases extremely difficult but it alsomeans that any information a survivor had learnt just before theywere tortured could be…..corrupted data.

Theycould be honestly wrong.

Thethird is a sort of general forgetfulness that persists long after thecharacter was tortured. Essentially torture damages our ability tostore new information. It is incredibly common for survivors to havemore trouble learning new things and remembering things in an everyday context.

Thissounds relatively benign but has a huge impact on survivors’ lives,making it more difficult to keep jobs, access medical care and have asatisfactory social life.

Thefourth category is intrusive memories which essentially means reallyvivid memories of traumatic events that keep replaying in thesurvivors’ mind.

Forthis ask the first two types of memory problems are the mostrelevant.

Youhave hit on one of the major factors: complex information is a lotless likely to ‘survive’ torture intact. But the other majorfactor isn’t how long it’s been since the victim character wasrescued but how long ago the victim learnt the information.

Thetime gap between learning the information and being tortured isincredibly important. A character is much more likely torealistically remember information they learnt in childhood theninformation they learnt any time in the last month before torture.

So-If this character is part of The Mystic Order of the Snail and learntthe location of the McGuffin they guard when he was twelve and is nowin his forties; then the chances are he’ll accurately remember thelocation of the McGuffin and can pass that along to the good guys.

Ifhowever he is I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-James-Bond and broke intoa secret base for this information last week; there’s a good chancethat information is gone for good, garbled, inaccurate or onlypartially remembered.

Thetimes between when the character was tortured, when they were rescuedand when their rescuers question them areimportant- but that’s less to do with the accuracy/existence of thecharacter’s memories and more to do with physical and psychologicalrecovery.

Acharacter who was recently tortured ‘for information’ should notbe thrown straight into an interview room by their rescuers becausethere’s a good chance that would trigger them. Aside from beingextremely unethical triggering and re-traumatising the character sosoon after torture risks further damage to any information they have.It increases the chances of that information being lost or garbled.

Ina rescue situation a character should be given time to physicallyrecover, get a proper night’s sleep, eat and drink. Ifthe rescuers want the best chance of getting that information theirfirst priority (after the victim is safe) should be to make surethey’re no longer delirious. Which means treating the effects ofsleep deprivation, starvation and dehydration, plus any medicalconditions such as infections or fevers.

Thatcan take a couple of days, I’d say 3-4.

Somecharacters may want to volunteer important information before thatpoint. Allowing them to do so and recording that information is agood idea, but rescuers should also ask them for the same informationa few days later to check if the survivor consistently remembers it.

Ifthe survivor has extensive physical injuries that need treatment suchas surgery then that should take place before they’re questioned,extending the time between rescue and questioning.

Onceit’s relatively safe and ethical to question the survivor therescuers need to consider how to approach questioning. Avoiding toomany interviewers is a good idea: one or two is probably ideal,survivors can get easily overwhelmed or triggered by having ‘toomany’ people around them in these early days.

Therescuers should also make a conscious effort to structure theenvironment in a way that’s completely different to thecell/torture chamber. The quality and colour of light can beincredibly important, as can things like having windows, the colourof the walls, decoration, scentsand soft furnishings.

Interviewersshould make it clear the survivor can stop at any time and respectthe survivor’s wishes if theywant to stop for any reason.

Theyshould also avoid any sort of aggressive questioning. If the survivorsays they don’t know or they’re not sure then that’s theanswer. Repeating questions multiple times is not helpful and mayprompt the formation of false memories.

Withoutmore information on the scenario you’re planning I think I’mgoing to have to leave that there.

Youmight find this post on leading questions helpful. Thispost on effective investigation may also be relevant.

Ihope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

[yaorong]

Why is it a wise move to switch to LED plant growth lights

Deciding which grow light to use in your indoor garden is a major decision that will not only affect your potential harvest, but also the overall operating setup. There are two main types of indoor plant lights to choose from, high-pressure sodium (HPS) or light-emitting diode LED plant growth lights. The ongoing debate between the two very different lighting options is fierce, and experts are weighing them. As LED lighting companies continue to improve and improve their products, the tide is developing in a direction that is beneficial to them.

Why does it make more sense for indoor growers to switch to LED grow lights than ever before? The initial cost of LED grow lights has dropped significantly, the technology has been improved to make better use of light science, and manufacturers have also realized the energy-saving potential of LED grow lights.

Many indoor gardeners are cautious about the choice of LED grow lights because they have experienced old, outdated versions that were released long before many current innovations appeared. Today, even long-term growers have decided to switch from the HPS setting to the more technologically advanced LED grow light option; the arguments in favor of the LED grow light are becoming more and more convincing.

Electricity bill

Considering the scale of some indoor facilities in the ever-expanding indoor gardening market, electricity bills can easily become one of the highest expenditures. In a recent study, the statistics provided by the researchers showed that lighting consumes an average of 38% of the total energy use. This is what makes it the largest part of the company's energy costs.

Although LED grow lights have indeed experienced price declines in the past few years, their up-front costs are still considerable compared to traditional HPS systems. According to the research cited above, most LED plant growth lamps will recover their costs through energy saving alone within two to four years.

There is relatively little fair or well-implemented research on the full cost-saving potential of switching to LED plant growth lights. Do you include the cost savings from reducing the burden of ventilation and humidity? What should I do if the burden on the air conditioner is reduced? There are significant differences between the brands of LED grow lights. How do you compare these differences? Some growers try to perform mathematical calculations and estimate that within a year, after switching to LED plant growth lights, they can save 50% to 60% of energy costs.

Efficiency

The heat emitted by the lighting is one of the indicators of its efficiency. Based on the overall performance, about 80% of the energy of HPS and CFL is released in the form of heat, while LED plant lights only release 15% to 25% of their energy in the form of heat. Since LED grow lights use most of their energy to generate light, it is easier to avoid excessive heat that may be harmful to crops.

HPS and LED grow lights

Life span

If you are planning a long-term planting operation, the lifespan of a particular LED plant grow light is as important as its efficiency and upfront cost. HPS lasts about 10,000 hours on average, while led grow lights will run for about 50,000 hours. They need to be replaced every 2 years or less. The lifespan of LED grow lights is much longer than the above options because they can work for 50,000 or even 100,000 hours. Therefore, you can use them for 5 or 10 years before you need to replace them.

Increase room temperature

The surface temperature of HPS bulbs can reach 750 degrees. If you do not use expensive equipment for proper control, it may cause many problems, including short plants, sparse flowers, and rapid drying of the medium, resulting in loss of root quality, nutrient deficiency or toxicity, and even The whole crop failed. The LED grow lights run cool, in fact, no additional temperature control equipment is needed except for the internal circulation fan. Lower light temperature will result in a more maintainable growth environment in which your plants can thrive. A lower temperature can also save water and expensive nutrients that evaporate in a high-temperature room. Colder root zones will produce larger, healthier root balls, which will ultimately lead to higher yields. Lower temperatures will not harm the oil production of plants, and the high temperatures generated by HPS lighting can degrade oils, sometimes completely peeling them from the tops of fruits and flowers. Keeping the plant's natural flowering oil intact will result in better tasting and smelling of fruits and flowers.

Improvements in light science

Another main reason why LED grow lights have begun to occupy the market is that their quality has been greatly improved since the early days. HPS's argument has always been that the light intensity emitted by HPS is much higher than that of LED plant growth lights, so growers believe that the potential for yield is greater.

Although this is true for the old LED plant lights, there is a huge difference between today's high-quality LEDs and past LEDs. The innovation of LED technology does not pay too much attention to intensity (although this has been improved), but to the spectrum required at each stage of the plant's growth cycle.

HPS produces higher lumen output than most affordable LED models, but this situation is changing rapidly. The same is true for our understanding of which types of light plants need which types in their growth cycle. High-pressure sodium lamps emit orange, yellow, and red spectra, but scientists recently discovered that plants need more blue, red, and UVA in the two most important stages: nutrition and flowering. This research has been incorporated into new LED lighting models that specifically focus on the spectrum required for indoor gardening.

Problems to avoid when using LED grow lights

Many people around the world grow cannabis at home, whether for recreational or medical purposes. Although some of them do a good job and produce good products, for others, the effect is not very good. We will provide you with the most common precautions when using LED plant grow lights, so that you can grow healthy plants and avoid any unnecessary troubles. This information is very relevant for beginners.

1. Overheating

If the leaves closest to the light start to turn yellow, you know that the plant has absorbed too much heat. If some leaves start to curl, it may also indicate that the plant is too close to the light. Good ventilation usually helps to solve this problem. Experienced growers will install electric fans in the planting tents to help the plants dissipate faster.

2. Insufficient lighting

Planting areas of different sizes need to choose LED plant growth lights with different powers. Think about how many plants you have planted and how many LED plant growth lights you need for normal lighting. You should also know the brightness of the lamp you are using.

3. The distance between the lamp and the plant is wrong

Excessive or insufficient light may be due to the light being too close or too far away from the plant. There is no optimal standard for setting distance, but it is recommended to place the LED plant growth light at a distance of 12 to 18 inches from the plant, and adjust the appropriate distance according to the growth speed of the plant. It is also very important to turn the pots from time to time to prevent uneven light. Cause the plants to tilt too much.

4. Choose inferior products

Light is the most important factor in plant growth because it triggers the process of photosynthesis. If you use an ordinary incandescent lamp, you are unlikely to grow strong, healthy plants. Therefore, in order to get the best results, we recommend using full-spectrum LED plant growth lights. They are specially designed for this purpose and can provide lighting in the precise spectral range required by the factory.

5. Choose the wrong spectrum

In order to grow effectively, plants need different types of light at each growth stage. This is very easy to achieve with full-spectrum LED plant growth lights, but if you choose the wrong settings, the plant will not develop well. You should also consider the conditions of the room you are growing up in. When the plant is in the vegetative growth stage, the plant can benefit most from the blue spectrum. This means that if you set the light to emit light in the red spectrum, it will only hinder the growth of plants.

6. Improper use of lighting

You may forget to turn on these plant lights because you are too busy. Or forget to turn them off, which sounds trivial, but the wrong arrangement is likely to adversely affect the growth of plants. Cannabis requires about 18-24 hours of light during the vegetative phase and 12 hours of light during the flowering phase.

7. Don't protect and maintain LED lights

LED grow lights are your friend and important investment, so you need to store them in a safe place. They bring many benefits to the continuous development process, and a little maintenance and preparation can save you a lot of trouble.

8. Other factors

In fact, growing cannabis indoors saves us a lot of trouble, but in the process of plant growth, we still need to consider many factors such as room temperature, air circulation, soil, nutrients, plant genetics and so on. Be patient and caring for plants, and plants will give us unexpected rewards.

As LED plant growth light technology is developing in an increasingly intelligent way, the arguments in favor of HPS are rapidly dissolving. In addition to the brief argument presented here, there are other reasons for indoor growers to switch. Energy-saving lighting technology eliminates the heavy burden of heating and dehumidification systems, while LED plant growth lamps are usually integrated lamps, making their installation and management techniques easier. Experts predict that LED grow lights will soon be used in all most indoor planting operations.

[sentimental-darkness]

Come and try to cure me then, basically. I almost run out of good doctor candidates... because yeah, 3 years of serious symptoms + even more years of different visits and tests with chronic milder symptoms before that, when I still believed that money + throughout testing + professional visit will get me secured and help to avoid more serious trouble... and I'm nowhere near to getting better yet. Now I know more than I should relating to health stuff, testing and drugs and all that which isn't something I should bother with in the first place because it's not my piece of cake lol. Also, honestly, most doctors only ever told me what I could read online like on the first page in Google results and then they hit the wall in their narrow field they "specialize" in "it's all from me no more ideas, sorry, I suggest you go to X professional next." So literally what you said + add pharma industry/big money on top of it (sometimes they go as far as elimination of some "inconvenient" useful products from the market by making the public think it's dangerous substance even though it's only dangerous in very high doses similar to how normal salt, for example, so plenty of manipulation there), also coupled with toxic food practices of 21st century and how most of those doctors think that's "normal" so they'll look for no possible relation and only cure symptoms, not to mention covid pandemic that disappears as quickly as it started with restrictions removed once there is war to talk about which showed the giant hipocrysy in the medical world, with the ostracism of those who approached it normally or even tried to cure it. So yep... if you'll still care in X years and you don't mind being ostracized you may be the only one actually helping people in 50 kilometer radius or more... if we're being positive, who knows what will become of the world next. From my point of view, even though we live in this advanced wonder of technology, the whole medical world is broken only able to effectively heal immedie things like fractures, accidents, needed surgeries, some invasive wildly recognized deaseses that are easy to identify with tests and require school book drugs to fight off. The rest... chronic states, cancer and hidden conditions/lifestyle leading up to cancer, multitude of conditions that rarely come up on their designated tests because high chance of testing negative (think boreliosis but there are more of such examples), even what they could be healing they don't before it's too late because they don't look for it... if the visit is basically them proscribing some pills right away or pointlessly telling you to do that one blood test which is just one amongst many you should do to even begin trying to get a full picture... and most patients are too lazy to even do that one test... they expect pills... so it's a self driving toxic environment that makes this world such a shit hole. Also, at this point I'm convinced most of needless "identity" struggles with psychological conditions identified by professional which then again are healed by drugs and psychotropic pills further altering natural biochemistry are just symptoms not actual problems. Because it takes a unique and very strong mind to be where I am rn, and still so much will and dreams - anyone else would already be on destructive pills, in depressive state or perhaps dead already, either by complete ignoration of their symptoms and harsh worsening over the years (like maybe cancer already who knows) OR suicide. Well, anyway... that's an interesting field of study you've chosen to say the least...

I started preparing two labs for med students in physiology and I'm impressed on how you can suck out all the joy from it. There are no great patterns, there are no great mechanisms, it's just a curve after curve with proven facts from the last century. No wonder my coworker med student looked at me weirdly when I said I like physiology.

They are not taught to see patterns in the body. They are taught processes in organs. Separately. And while yeah, they mention regulation of the nervous system and hormones, that's about it.

But there is this marvelous regulation, how everything impacts something else, how our body is mechanisms all working together to make us alive. There is so much that we don't know, and there is so much we do!

How can you be a doctor when you don't have the big picture. How can you prescribe medicine when you were not taught how sleep will affect your food cravings. How will you treat a patient who said they felt worse mentally when changing their place of residence when you don't know the microbiota affects hormonal axis that secretes corticosteroids (stress hormones).

Doctors won't have a beam of joy trying to connect symptoms with their physiological counterparts based on their functions. Instead they will go look for a memorized and classified explanation. And while that's good, isn't it, to have your symptoms match with what hundreds of other people have had in the past, showing that you have the same treatable disease.

But it's not always the case. There are many illnesses no doctors can find cause to. Because the symptoms do not match, because it is not documented and researched, so they send you from one procedure that does not necessarily guarantee effective treafment to other, because sure it is at least something.

But do they know the underlying mechanism? Can they guess? Are they more than machines that memorized all the symptoms and treatments? Shouldn't it be about drawing patterns and conclusions?

Of course, there are probably doctors who do that. But the way the physiology course is taught, I feel like it's not a quality one should expect of a doctor.

[eds-zebra-warrior]

2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 9 Prompt: Inclusion)

Inclusion is a difficult topic for me as it's very difficult to feel included. This actually comes hand in hand with discrimination, segregation and inequality, especially being someone with EDS who can’t walk. When it comes to family, I can go into my own house and into my neighbor's house and that's about it. I grew up in the invisible illness community, eventually making me part of the rare disease community. As my symptoms progressed and I was paralyzed, becoming a permanent wheelchair user, then fell into the visible illness community. I will explain my lack of inclusion not only among the community, friends and family but also exclusion I face within the medical system and law enforcement.

I have been excluded by all outings and holidays by my extended family. My aunt likes to have holidays at her house and had a wheelchair ramp installed when her mom got older. Not long after the passing of my grandma, I was paralyzed, going into a chair. Being in a chair and my aunt knowing I cannot walk soon after removing the ramp from her house with little to no consideration of my needs so now when she has holiday dinners at her house I cannot go. I brought up the ramp once and she said “Well I didn't think about you” then later I realized how hurtful and mean what she said was so I sat down asking questions like “So you can't walk at all? “Have you ever tried to see if you can stand up?” “Well what about physical therapy?” “Well, I went to physical therapy when I had cancer and it helped a lot so I don't know why it didn't help you.” Which honestly was even more hurtful because I am not even a candidate for physical therapy after being paralyzed during physical therapy.

With cancer going rampant in my family somehow when family members ask about me and how I've been, they somehow seem to turn the conversation into cancer. “Trust me I know what pain is, I had cancer and if you ever get cancer you will learn what real pain feels like.” of from those older than me saying “You're too young for pain, Wait till you’re my age, then you’ll know what real pain is”, failing to even research EDS, Multiple Neuropathies, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome or any of my other conditions. The McGill Pain Scale has recently been challenged with a study done on a cohort of EDS patients. It was found that EDS is more painful than Complex Reginal Pain Syndrome which originally took the top place on the chart as the most painful condition with Cancer pain hitting around the mid range area of the scale. Some tend to downsize EDS and make it sound like I’m just a wimp for needing medication for my pain. I always hear things like “Me and my daughter were sick and we are both doing great now. Why aren't you getting better? Again, this relates my condition to cancer and other long term conditions that are a lot more common and have treatment and/or surgery that can put them into remission.

EDS has no remission. It doesn't magically go away. I have a gene mutation and as of now, you cannot repair a broken gene so this is forever. There is no remission but society is raised to believe cancer is the worst thing a person can ever go through and cancer is also one of those conditions where there are two outcomes. You go into remission and get better, living life normally or possibly on several meds to keep you functioning well, with the exception of younger children or some adults who have organ systems permanently damaged by chemo but even then they are much healthier and have a much more normal life than they did with active cancer. There's also the other side of the spectrum. You die. There are so many conditions that, depending on the type of cancer or hormonal mutations can easily be much worse than cancer leaving people much sicker than chemo patients but with no chance of remission. Imagine being on chemo for 50 years straight.

I have learned to hate the discussion of cancer when others compare pain and symptoms because many with chronic and/or rare diseases like Ehlers Danlos, Lupus, Muscular Sclerosis, Lateral Sclerosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteogenesis Imperfecta and many more are also very dangerous, have a lot of serious symptoms and comorbidities, risk the person's life and can very well cause more pain or more systemic symptoms than cancer. I am not saying cancer is not important, I am just saying people with these conditions are also compared with people who have cancer with most people who do this not knowing anything about our condition, just going off of the assumption that what we hear about most in the media, what has the most fundraisers and financial backing and what has the most attention has to be worse. Many more will get offended if you explain or give them information relating to the pain levels found in EDS mad that you would ever compare your own medical condition to cancer even after they just did the exact same thing by invalidating your pain and saying something like "If you think you're in pain now you should experience the pain that comes along with cancer. Now that's real pain" Its as if its okay for them to compare but not you making it automatically wrong for you to stick up for yourself when they try to invalidate your pain. The worst part is when they do this day in and day out without even noticing they are doing it. It gets exhausting and frustrating when someone is always trying to tell you why you are weak and spread the misconception that all cancer patients are much sicker than these other conditions, downgrading you. This leads to a lot of people giving unsolicited medical advice, telling you all the reasons why you aren't getting better knowing nothing about your condition so it really does go both ways and gets old to hear.

Another issue I had with inclusion was when my cousin got married. I have food allergies and couldn't eat anything they were serving. At the time I was a teenager and couldn't drive so my mom told my aunt she was going to go to Wendy's and get me a baked potato because I needed to take my medications and needed to take them with food. We were at the reception and next thing I knew my aunt was literally screaming at the top of her lungs at my mom about how she wishes my dad had never married her, she cant stand her and I’m a spoiled rotten little brat. My mom kept trying to get a word in telling her I have food allergies and can't eat what she has so it has nothing to do with being spoiled and it's not that I don't want what they are eating and honestly would probably rather have what they are eating but that I can’t because before my diagnosis gluten put me in multiple organ failure. My aunt was yelling about how she will not take my mom leaving and coming back and me eating Wendy's at their beautiful wedding and continued saying, if I’m hungry enough I will eat what they have and she needs to quit spoiling me and allowing me to have a different meal than everyone else was eating like I was a picky little kid instead of someone who if I ate what they were serving I can go into organ failure or anaphylactic shock. If she didn't think a Wendy's baked potato fit into her daughter's wedding décor scheme she would have really not been happy to have an emergency squad backed up to the door, a gurney and a bunch of paramedics so my mom, myself and my dad didn't understand why she was making such a big deal out of it. My dad then told my aunt we are going to leave and apologies to my cousin for leaving the reception early. After he did this my aunt started calling my mom and I derogatory terms still yelling while my mom was simply talking and trying to keep it quiet so it wouldn't be a big deal but she started calling me and my mom derogatory names and didn't talk to my mom for two years all over a baked potato and my food allergies.

Outside of the family also have little access to inclusion as I have not one friend with a wheelchair ramp or no steps going into their house so zero access to visiting friends as well as family. The lack of understanding crosses over to friends as well and I have lost most of them. I’m not the best when it comes to visiting friends as my health is so unpredictable and many people take this as me being flakey or not wanting to visit when most of them knew how timely and never canceled on them when I was healthier. I also had two friends who used me and manipulated the situation to make it sound as if I was the reason we never hang out. One of these people, she and her husband did a lot of traveling and it seemed like every time she was out of town she would contact me and ask if she and her husband could come visit me when they came back. I would agree and when she was back in town she would usually ignore my messages until a day or two before leaving again and say “I wish you would have said something sooner. We’re packing up now and about to leave to go to Florida now. They would leave and she would message me saying they were on a Disney cruise but when she comes back they wanted to visit me if I was up for it. Again she would either not tell me when she got home or I would message her that day or a day or two later telling her if they want to visit it's fine with no response and no response until right before they were about to leave again saying something like “Oh, well we're about to go to California. I wish you would have let me know sooner, not acknowledging the message was originally sent a week or two prior. When I finally asked if they really wanted to visit or not and what was going on, she then responded saying, well every time I ask if you want to hang out, you never do which was far from the truth since she would only talk about visiting when on vacation or while packing to leave the state again.

Another friend of mine since high school did something similar. She would call or text me and ask if I wanted to hang out the next day and of course sometimes I said no but a lot of the times I said sure because it was something low key like she would come over here to visit or just meet at the dog park or something. If I said yes she would say “I know you have good days and bad days and your health can change so if you are still up for it call me at 10:00 in the morning and let me know what you want to do. Well 10:00 am would come around and I would call her and say I was up for hanging out and she would say “well, I’m actually at my sister in laws now so can we do it another time” another time she would call and tell me if I’m up for it call her around noon and I would call her at 11:30 or so and tell her I’m up for it and she would say “Oh, well I didn't know if you would be up for it or not, I actually took my daughter to the park so we will have to get together another time.” Next time she would call me that morning and tell me she was going to be in my area and asked if I wanted to meet her for lunch. I would agree and she said she was going to take a nap and to call her at noon. I would call and she would say “Oh, well I’m at the mall with another friend, can we meet up another day”

Don't get me wrong, she was like this before I got sick and when we were kids where she would cancel a lot but when I got sick and she was calling me at least once a month to hang out and after two years went by and every single one she canceled out on me to hang out with another friend or go somewhere else and only two of those were because you had a doctor appointment or something and declined on your own there's a problem. I asked why she didn’t seem to want to hang out and she said “What's the point because every time I call you say you're not up for it. When I only said I wasn't up for it twice and she canceled more than 20 times in a row, having no problem telling me she was hanging out with a friend from work or someone else making plans to replace the plans she made with me so this is another struggle I have faced since getting sicker.

The people I used to think were my friends who obviously don't like me because I’m boring and can't go out and party, run around the mall for 8 hours or go to the fair and ride all the rides with them but now can only handle the low key stuff like lunch, going to watch a movie, stay here and play cards, go to one of those paint with a friend things or something low key like that and I know the fact is that they don't like these low key activities and think I’m boring to hang out with but don't want to tell me this and I truly believe they don't want to admit to themselves that they don't like me anymore since I’m now disabled so they try to push the blame on me and throw it into the pile of problems I already have lol so friendships just don't work out well for me either.

Now that we have covered inclusion with family and friends let's talk about the community. I have always said, even before I was disabled that the communities that face the most inequality and discrimination are the communities you never hear about when discrimination and inequality is brought up. The Deaf Community, the Disabled Community, the LGBTQ+ Community, the Rare Disease Community and the Invisible Illness Community are the communities who I believe have the most severe lack of inclusion, face the most discrimination, face the most prejudice, endure the most physical, verbal and emotional abuse and have the fewest rights many take for granted. Black Lives Matter has really made me realize how severe these disparities are. Being in a chair I can’t just go to a small town. If we are going on a trip to Cleveland Clinic or the University of Toledo and we are driving through a small town with a lot of small, mom and pop businesses I can't stop and shop at one of those stores. If I have to go to the bathroom they don't have a wheelchair ramp going into their building so not only can I not go into a single store but I am unwelcomed by the entire city.

With ADA being signed in 1990, 21 years later the Columbus Police Department says and I quote “ADA laws aren't real laws and shouldn't be treated as such. Our own police have left me outside on the second coldest day of the year in January when two cars parked illegally in front of both handicap curb cut ramps going down to a parking lot. Instead of enforcing these laws and punishing those who illegally parked in front of these ramps or taking the time to send an officer out to help get me and my chair off of the curb they told me it was my problem and though every building in the strip mall had closed down that it was my responsibility to sit out in the cold with pure autonomic failure and the inability maintain my body temperature indefinitely until someone came back for their car which resulted in me going into hypothermia.

With BLM coming to the surface the disabled are seen as weak and also are essentially the punishing back for the black community now just because we are seen as weak and easy targets to take their anger out on. I have been through the illegal parking issue time and time again. Another time a black man parked in front of the curb cut. My dad kindly asked him to move his vehicle and he told us we had to wait while he finished his conversation with his friend which took about 20 minutes. We were in a bad area of town and my dad and I were the minority so there wasn't much we could say or do or we would be seen as the ones who were racist. This 20 minutes was one of the scariest times of my life as a woman overheard my dad asking him if he would mind moving his vehicle so I could use the ramp. She came up to me and pointed to my dad who is a senior citizen, asking why he can't lift me up in my chair and off of the curb. This area was old and fan down so the sidewalks had been done multiple times so the curb was quite high. It was about 10 inches up from the parking lot so not a little bump I can just back off of and I was 112 lbs., sitting in a 39 lb. wheelchair with a 17 lb. service dog and I didn't understand what she was talking about because she couldn't possibly mean for him to lift all of that weight himself and put me onto the ground plus the wheels spin and even with the wheels locked the wheels will still move so you need two people to lift a person in a chair without flipping it. Anyhow, kind of confused I said “No, I don't think so”

She then went off yelling about how I'm an overly entitled white bitch who thinks she can get whatever I want handed to me on a golden platter. My family probably owned slaves and how I have a lot of nerve to ask a “N word” to move their car so I can use a ramp that belongs to the community and doesn't have my name on it. How he can park wherever he damn well pleases and white bitches like me need to be shot thanking we can get all our NEEDS met when we don't even know what needs are because they “N words” have had to go without their needs for 400 years now calling me multiple swear words and derogatory terms as well as saying multiple times that I need shot. After about 20 minutes of her in my face screaming at me during Covid and me saying please, I have a compromised immune system or I’m sorry, I just can't get to my car the guy finally said he would move his car for us to leave. It was terrifying but things like this happen all the time.

Another incident happened in Aldi near the beginning of the pandemic. The checkout line was massive and stretched ¾ way down the second isle. And there was one of those electric pallet jack things they use that can't be moved because you need a key to start them on the right side of the isle so no space to get through I just waited at the back of the line until it got past the pallet jack so I could get by which wasn't an issue because the line always moves really fast at Aldi and there were only two people with carts in line behind the pallet jack so I got in line behind the last woman in line and locked my breaks. I put my smaller service dog on my lap because the isle was really crowded and I didn't want her to get stepped on.

Next thing I knew there was a black woman coming around the corner yelling everybody move, get out of my way slamming her cart into the back of my nearly new $7000 wheelchair and $7000 smart drive so hard that she shoved me in my chair, with the wheels locked about two feet forward and my foot plate into the ankles of the woman in front of me and kept pushing her cart yelling at me to move. I was still shocked at what was happening so all I could do was say “I can’t” because of course the line ran beside the pallet jack which couldn't be moved so there was only about 4 inches between the edge of the fork of the pallet jack and everyone's cart. The woman let go of her cart and walked up to the side of my chair, grabbing my right side push rims and tires and yelled “I SAID MOVE!” and pulled up flipping me and my service dog out of my chair and onto the ground with my body hitting the shelf to my left and dragging a ton of baking products off the shelf and on top of us. A bunch of people turned around and gasped when she did this and the woman's teenage daughter embarrassingly yelled “MOM NO!” then ran up around her mom and flipped my chair upright.

I was sitting there on the ground so shocked I still didn't know if I was hurt being someone who is prone to dislocations, traumatic brain injuries and having multiple spinal cord manifestations. The woman's daughter was almost in tears from embarrassment and reached down to grab my arm to try to help get me back into my chair when her mom yelled at her to get over there The girl said “but mom” and she said “get your ass over here now” and turned around her cart to start to go around the next isle. The girl then let go of my arm, her eyes still all watery because she was about to cry, she mouthed to me “I’m sorry” and ran around to the other isle where her mom was. Of course I didn't blame her daughter. She tried to help and I felt bad for her too. She tried and proved she was different from her mom.

After they went down the other isle the woman in front of her and the woman in front of me started helping me. I was checking my service dog Maggie to make sure she wasn't hurt and she seemed fine, just had eyes as big as saucers like she was kind of in shock over the whole thing too. The lady in front of me picked Maggie up off of me and held her in one arm while both picked up all of the cake, brownie, cookie and powdered sugar laying on the floor and all over me and put it on the shelf. She then put Maggie down on the floor for a second while they both helped get me back into my chair and then the one in front of me picked Maggie up again and put her on my lap. The Lady in front of me pulled up her pants leg to look at the back of her ankle where my foot plate slammed into her and she was bleeding. I apologized and she laughed sarcastically and said “It's not your fault, trust me, you are not the one who should be apologizing for this.

The three of us started talking with the one in front of her talking about how disgusting it was that she did that to me when right then the woman who slammed the cart into the back of me came up the front of the isle yelling at everyone near the front of the line to get out of her way. She didn't physically assault any of them like she did me but she was yelling at everyone to get out of her way, shoving her way between carts to try to get things off of the shelf and throwing it into her cart. There were only two employees working that day, one ringing people up and one trying to stock all of the shelves that were being picked through faster than she could stock so I can't blame the employees either because they were grossly understaffed.

I have had so many experiences like this since Black Lives Matter took off, a lab core worker talking bad about me because I showed up without an appointment when their door and website says “Walk ins welcome” and I tried to make an appointment but the captcha was down on their website so I wasn't able to confirm that I wasn’t a robot in order to submit my appointment and purposely showed up at 11:30 am because you could see already claimed appointments and 11:00, 11:30, and 12:00 were all open appointments. To make things better, My doctor had already sent the request and I scanned it into the tablet they had there as well as scanning in pictures of my license and insurance so everything was filled out and all I needed was to pick up two plastic, half gallon jugs for a 24 hour urine test.

She was in the back calling me similar names to what the woman did at the eye center when the guy was illegally parked, bringing up slavery and how my grandparents may have been able to get away with whipping “N words” to get them to do what they wanted but I can’t, how inconsiderate I was for walking in and who did I think I was thinking I can just walk in all unannounced without an appointment. She said “I ought to slap that bitch! Girl, you gonna have to hold me back before I slap that bitch” talking to the other phlebotomist. I could hear everything she was saying after she closed the door and she went on and on, came out and asked for my paperwork so she could put it in the system, ripping it out of my hand, kept going on and on saying nasty things about me then finally came back out and nicely said “Oh, I didn't know you already put all of this in the system for me. So you’re just here to pick up the jug?” I said “Yeah, I've done one of these before so I don't need any instructions or anything, just the jugs. She went back and still talking nasty about me came back a minute later with the jugs and said nicely have a nice day but still her body language wasn't nice and you could tell her friendly voice was sarcastic.

That's when I decided to stick up for myself and stopped her before she closed the door again and said, “Did you know your walls aren’t sound proof? I heard every word you said about me while I was back there and just so you know, I tried to make an appointment before I came here. The captcha is down on your website; you know, the little thing you have to click online to prove you’re not a robot? It wasn't working so I couldn't click it to submit my appointment request but it said online and on your door that walk-ins are welcome. I saw you had empty appointments from 11-12. I didn't know if anyone else would be here since the site was down but that's why I chose to come now because I didn't think you would be busy because of Covid and all but I did try to make an appointment. Her facial dropped.

She then started kissing up to me saying “Oh sweetie, you are totally fine, that's what we're here for, come anytime you need to, she walked over to the double doors and opened the first one saying “Let me get that door for you sweetie.” pointed to the floor and said “Do you see that spot right there with no carpet? There used to be a big lip in the door right here and I personally had it removed just for people like you who are in wheelchairs so your wheels won't get stuck on it. Would you like me to get the other door for you?” I said “No, that's okay, It’s not that heavy, I’ve got it” she then said “No, no, no, I insist. I’ll hold it open for you, I’m here to serve you. She then followed me outside where my dad was parked which was awkward and said “would you like me to help you into your car?”

These are the more major examples but I’ve had more minor interactions too such as trying to buy vinyl for my Cricut maker from a black small business owner to be told “Sorry, I only buy from and sell to black people” I had a dental appointment and Medicare and Medicaid is a death sentence for those with rare diseases with only two dentists that took my insurance within a 30 mile radius. I settled for Refresh Dental in Hebron, Ohio which was quite a drive but none that took my insurance were close so I made an appointment. When I called I asked if they were ADA accessible because I’m a wheelchair user and the receptionist said yes. I then asked about Covid and the precautions they take because I’m immunocompromised. She said they are very careful, told me they wear full PPE, mask, face shield, smocks, they have updated their HVAC system and are really clean. She said none of their staff had contracted Covid so I made an appointment.

When we got there we parked at a building that looked like it was about to fall in. Termites had eaten all the way through the window ledge, and you could see the studs behind it. When I went up to the door I was relieved to see a sign saying to go to the white building behind that one, surrounded by a bunch of orange stickers which looked like condemned stickers. Their driveway was gravel and anyone who is in a chair knows, a gravel driveway isn't easy to roll on at all so though it was cold outside I was getting myself into a sweat going back to the building behind it. The first thing I saw was a staircase with about 9 steps up into the building and I was thinking uh oh. I hope they have another door. I went around the building and found another door and this one had two steps into it. It was a door with a step into it, you walked about 5 steps and stepped up another step into a second door. I called the office and no one answered.

I then called my mom who was in the car by the first building and asked her to come over there. She saw the steps and said “You’ve got to be kidding me” and went into the building to talk to them and then came back out and told me what they said. She asked the receptionist if they had a ramp or another way into the building for people in a wheelchair. The receptionist pointed to the door that my mom just came in and said “That's the door our disabled patients use” My mom told her I’m in a wheelchair and called ahead of time and was told they are ADA accessible and the receptionist said “We are ADA accessible.” My mom followed up saying “Then how can someone in a wheelchair get in here? The receptionist said “Can't she just walk in here?” My mom said “No, she’s paralyzed” The receptionist then said “Well we have other patients in wheelchairs and they just leave their wheelchair outside and walk in here. It's only two steps.” My mom then said “So, we just drove 40 minutes here and you’re not ADA accessible?” The receptionist said “Yes, we are” my mom said “but you don't have a ramp?” She said “When your daughter called she asked if we are ADA accessible. We’re ADA accessible, not wheelchair accessible.” My mom said “First of all wheelchair accessibility is part of being ADA Accessible, you don't have wheelchair access you are not ADA Accessible and second of all, she told you she was a wheelchair user so I don't know what else you could have thought she meant by ADA accessible. The receptionist said she had to go speak to another staff member. She then told my mom to have me go back up to the front building and they would bring supplies from this building and meet me over there to see me.

We went back to the first building and I had been sitting out in the cold all this time. We sat outside the building for 20 minutes waiting for someone to come unlock it. I then called their office and this time someone answered and I said “I’m really sorry for bothering you but will it be a while before anyone gets over here? The reason I’m asking is because I have Autonomic Dysfunction so cant maintain my body heat well and was wondering if it was okay if we go back out and sit in the car until someone is ready for us” She said “stay there, she should be there right now” I said okay and waited, finally about 5 minutes later someone came to the door and opened it. The concrete wheelchair ramp was so old that it had sunk about two inches into the ground so I still had to pop a wheelie and push on my wheels while my mom pushed the back of my chair to get up into the door.

When we got in there it was filthy, every surface was covered in dust, dirt, wood chips and dead bugs. It smelled like the moldy basement of my sisters 1890 house. It was so dirty that I put my service dog in my lab because I didn’t want her to sit on the floor. I could see a trail from my wheels and my mom's footprints in the coat of dirt on the floor. The receptionist brought out paperwork for me to fill out and while I did she and the hygienist were flipping breakers to turn on electricity to one of the rooms and were bringing over a laptop, air purifier and some dental tools. I could see them in the room. The hygienist took a dry paper towel and brushed the dirt off of the chair and edge of the countertop onto the floor, not using any chemicals or even moisture to clean anything. The dirt started floating around in the air which was when they brought in the air purifier to suck some of it up. She sat the dental tools straight onto the counter she had simply brushed the dirt and dead bugs off of. I watched them do all of this while I filled out my paperwork and sat in my chair waiting for my appointment. They eventually called me back, now well over an hour after my appointment time. I gave my service dog to my mom because they had to do x rays and went back.

I got in the dirty chair and the hygienist only had a mask on and nothing else. She wheeled in an old x ray machine that looked like it was jimmy rigged to a sawed off IV pole. She put the bite wings in my mouth and tried to take the image and nothing happened. She yelled at the receptionist to hit another breaker and took the first image of the tooth that was bothering me. She then pulled the bite wings out of my mouth and that's when I noticed that they were reusable bite wings and having a lot of medical knowledge I knew those cannot go into an autoclave and was horrified when I saw that they didn’t have the clear sanitary cover bags on them to prevent the spread of disease but at this point I had already had them in my mouth and the damage was done. Having no clue if I had just essentially French kissed a Covid patient while being immunocompromised myself and having a condition that so far no one with it who has contracted Covid has survived it was too late so I didn't say anything. She put it back in my mouth for another image. Once she was done she grabbed a camera made for taking pictures of the inside of the mouth. It also had no sanitary covering on it and she took pictures of my teeth and said we have to wait for the dentist to come over.

I looked around the room while waiting and it was totally empty except for the chair I was sitting in. There were no pictures on the wall, no curtains, no TV, no pedestal where the little sink you can spit in usually is and where the cleaning tools and suction hook up, no chest of drawers with toothpaste or other supplies. They didn't even have any light in the room, just a light fixture with wires hanging out of it. Just a very thick coat of dirt, dust and dead bugs everywhere and a window letting light in. When I looked at the window I noticed there was light coming in around the window where termites had eaten holes all the way through the wall around the window casing. There were brown streaks running down the wall where water had come in the holes which I was assuming explained the moldy smell because if there was water getting all the way inside through the swiss cheese termite walls then there is probably a ton of water and mold behind the walls. I I continued scanning the room while talking to the hygienist about my dry mouth and she told me she was going to give me some jell to trial for dry mouth. Soon after, the dentist came in and was very cold. He said nothing to me at all but said to the hygienist “Cavity on 15 and 16” and left totally ignoring me when I said hi. The hygienist told me to go to the front where the receptionist was to schedule a filling and a second appointment for a comprehensive dental since they refused to do them the same day or do the imaging of my whole mouth when doing the images of the one tooth.

the receptionist had brought over a laptop of her own and tried to schedule my filling for two days after I got the second Covid vaccine and I told her I didn't think that would work because I would get the vaccine less than 48 hours prior to the appointment and I didn't know if it would make me sick or how long your sick for when you get it but I know my nurse didn't feel well for about a week after hers. The receptionists said “You’ll be fine” and scheduled it anyhow making sure to tell me about their cancellation policy and fine which she should know with the vaccine I wouldn't know how it effected me until the cancellation policy had passed. She then went on to tell me that she cant get it because she has a heart problem. I told her I couldn't either at first either but not because of my heart problems but because I'm a high anaphylaxis risk but my doctor came up with a concoction of meds that we can take starting two days before the vaccine, the day of and three days after that has shown to prevent full blown anaphylactic shock in most of us. She said we would have some kind of allergic reaction and still can go into anaphylactic shock but it will reduce the chances so hopefully the allergic reaction is tolerable and we won't need to go to the hospital. So I went that route and got the vaccine at a place close to the hospital. I then said, It's too bad that more healthy people don't consider people who literally can't get a vaccine or are immunocompromised and won't get the full benefit, or any benefit at all from the vaccine before they refuse to get it. She said Actually, I can get it, I just dont think I should get it. My dad got it and my sister and I tried to tell him not to get it but he didn't listen to us and got it anyway but I guess when you're old or sick like you guys are and are going to die sooner than later anyhow you don't really have much to lose.”

I felt like she was throwing me in the grave. She then said “you know that they chop up aborted babies and put them into the vaccine right? I said “Nahh.. that's just a rumor that went viral on Facebook that was originally created by some college freshmen. There's no fetal tissue at all in the vaccine. Where the fetal tissue comes from was in the 70s and 80s two women voluntarily donated their aborted fetuses to science. No other fetuses have been used since then because they have replicated the cells over and over again. Think of cloning. They do this so they won’t need any more fetal cells. The replicated cells aren't used in the vaccine, they are used in the early states of testing potential vaccines before they even start conducting studies on animals and after the hypothesizing stage to see how human and living cells respond to benign injected with the possible vaccine to ensure it doesn't harm the cells and does what its supposed to, which not only saves money because the cells can be replicated over and over again but it also helps save animals because its a way to test the vaccine before moving on to testing on them. Of course a lot more can be found on living animals than just in cells so things can still go wrong in the animal phases but there is no aborted fetus at all in the vaccine, it's simply used as a cell to test the vaccine on.” She said Well I’m a nurse too, not just a receptionist so I would know.

I then thought this would be the perfect opportunity to change the subject and said “Oh, really, I am too. I graduated from Columbus State, where did you go to school?” She changed the subject back saying, I know a lot of nurses and none of them have gotten the vaccine. Only a few people here have gotten vaccinated and this place has been riddled with Covid. Almost all of the ladies have had it at least once and they all are okay now. How many people do you know who have gotten vaccinated? I said “When I called to make this appointment I asked about Covid because of being immunocompromised and the person I spoke to told me no one had gotten it. Why would they lie to me? She said “I don't know who you spoke with but that's not true. This place has been riddled with it” At this point I was letting what she said simmer a bit and sink in, honestly not happy at all that they had lied to me more than once at this point and about very important issues.

She then went back asking me how many nurses I knew who had gotten vaccinated. I said all of them and not even just people I graduated with my home health infusion nurse got hers but she ended up getting Covid too. Idk if you saw on the news about the senior husband and wife that got Covid and the nurse arranged for them to be put in a room together and they died within minutes of each other? Well the nurse who set that up, her name is Mariah and I went to high school with her. Just a fun fact I guess.” She said “Well did she get vaccinated? I said “yeah and right then the hygienist came back with the dry mouth gel so I cut the conversation off and said I needed to go because my mom was out in the car. I couldn’t believe they had a halfway decent office for their able bodied patient but put their patients in chairs into a filthy, condemned building that is moldy and about to fall in from termite damage. If that's not discrimination, I don't know what is. and to top things off, I put the dry mouth jell into my mouth and it tasted awful. I looked at the expiration date and they had just given me and it had expired over a year prior. I saw another dentist and also found out that I never had a cavity at all and my wisdom tooth was coming in.

I do not feel included when it comes to my extended family, friends, community or country. Most things labeled handicap accessible aren't including the Franklin County Social Security Office which slaps a handicap sign on their bathroom stall which the door is so narrow that my tiny wheelchair for my 112 lb. self rubbed the edges of the door trying to get into it, not meeting the 32” door clearance standards listed in the ADA laws nor did it meet the minimum 5’x5’ size limit in order to be ADA accessible so most people in chairs cant use it at all and even those with tiny wheelchairs like mine cannot get their char in far enough to close the door so are forced to use the bathroom with the door open, on their period while people walk past and see everything. It’s disgusting that we live in a society where people in wheelchairs, even if they can hold their bladders are forced to wear adult diapers or map out every public facility, only going to ones they know are accessible enough because here in the US we are so welcomed and marginalized that we don't even have access to about half of the businesses in the US let alone a bathroom that everyone else in the world who is not a wheelchair user takes for granted and when we are lucky enough to find a palace that has a toilet we can use, it's always the filthiest ones, the ones that able bodied people use as their private pooping palace believing that just because it’s two or three feet wider that extra three feet will make their fart inaudible.

This is a country where an able bodied person can buy a new car for $16,000 and a used one for sometimes less than 2 grand but if you’re disabled your new accessible vehicle costs around $75,000, a used… well many states you can’t insure a van that is more than 5 years old and cannot convert one more than 4 years old and it has to be less than $50,000 miles and fit a bunch of other criteria so used isn't much less. We live in a country where you are not allowed to pay an able bodied worker less than minimum wage yet SSDI comes out to $2.60 less than minimum wage and employers are allowed to pay disabled workers less than minimum wage. We live in a country where ADA laws were passed but police officers don't have to enforce any of these laws. Here in the US they have schools for girls only, boys only, black only, deaf and blind but no special schools for children with physical or developmental disabilities, just life skills training for adults so education is still not equal. A country where if the Black or Asian Americans are brutalized by the police or community members and it is broadcasted on the news even though more than 70 percent of police brutalities in fact occur to those who have physical, psychological or developmental disabilities but this is never mentioned even if the person fits into two minority groups.

This is a country where if you have a service animal that you rely on you still don’t have the freedom of religion because a church can legally turn away a service animal. A country where if you are a drug addict you can get 50 mg of low dose naltrexone free and go to suboxone clinics free of charge but if you are a chronic pain patient you have to pay over 300 for 2 mg of naltrexone to control your pain and stay off of opioids which are oftentimes the only things covered on Medicare but also the same medications being cracked down on not by people who need them for chronic pain but by addicts in turn putting limits on opioids so drug addicts can live and chronic pain patients who are in so much pain they have seizures and go into organ failure to live in agony and possibly even eventually die weather it be suicide because they cant stand the pain or from organ failure that results from the pain.

A country where doctors are taught “if you hear hoof prints on the ground think horses not zebras'' meaning when a patient presents with a symptom consider common conditions that can be associated with these symptoms not rare diseases allowing doctors to abuse and neglect patients and slap psychological diagnoses on them so they don't have to jump into the rare disease realm of medicine or even learn about it in school. This results in more than 250,000 deaths each year from medical neglect alone and that's not even the people like my mom who wake up on life support to find out days of their lives have passed and they are now living with permanent disability. A country where there are still states like ohio where you cannot sue for medical abuse and neglect unless someone died or comes out essentially a vegetable and if this results in disability where you are in a wheelchair or have limited cognitive impairment but can still speak and think to some degree, yet still resulting in permanent disability, it's just too bad, so sad for you because sure you went in for a simple gallbladder removal and came out needing the blood in your body replaced 4 times, going into exploratory surgery with a 5 percent chance of survival, split from your breast to your pelvic bone to have all of your organs removed, your liver repaired which fell apart multiple times in the process of trying to sew back together your liver the other doctor cut open and tried to hide for 9 hours while you bleed to death, sure you came out on life support after being deemed legally dead multiple times and had four brain aneurysms because of this trauma, which resulted in cognitive impairment, missed months of work only to get laid off, now deal with chronic pain, fatigue and weakness for the rest of your life and will never be able function like you once did ever again but you didn't die and you're not cognitively impaired enough so that's on you, the doctor on the other hand can keep operating on people as if nothing ever happened.

America is where people on Welfare, who are poor and in many cases don't want to work, make more money and get more financial benefits than someone on SSDI who is disabled and literally can't work. A country where people on Medicaid who are poor get better healthcare than the sick and elderly on Medicaid and if you qualify for both Medicare and Medicaid you might as well forget it because your insurance isn't much better than having no insurance at all regardless as to what special programs you fit into, where the Medicare formulary trumps the Medicaid formulary and if Medicaid for the poor covers a service but Medicare doesn’t, what Medicare says, goes and you simply don't get coverage for your needs. A country where a president cuts funding to the Orphan Drug Tax Credit, oftentimes the only funding that most rare diseases have to study possible treatments for these diseases while cutting taxes multi billion dollar industries have to pay in taxes such as his hotels and golf courses and every time they send out a relief check during Covid they make up for it by cutting funding to either schools or Medicare, particularly Medicare recipients with rare diseases, removing them from the formulary and allowing them to die to pay for these checks, hitting those with rare diseases because they are just that rare, meaning less people to complain so it's less likely there will be large riots for these people. This essentially reversed the act put in place ensuring those with preexisting conditions can get insurance leaving us so underinsured that many will likely die because they cannot get their medical care covered and can't afford it.

A place where those with disabilities are still not accepted, ADA is not yet being utilized in many areas or even seen as real or legitimate leaving us to be isolated from all aspects of our lives. We have very few rights, access, equality or inclusion more than 20 years after the signing of ADA into law. This leaves a lot of people like me to live lonely lives where we have no chance to succeed or in some cases such as those issues related to Medicare, not even a chance to live. By law an insurance company cannot deny you insurance based on pre-existing conditions however they can deny you coverage of the vital care you need once issuing you a card leaving insurance virtually useless with many rare diseases making survival of the fittest a terrifying reality. Welcome to America. The home of land of the free and home of the brave.