#I don't think any of these people deserve dignity but I do feel bad for most of them dying to so it's a win-win for me personally

[sunderwight]

I love HOTD fic concepts where Lucaerys and Arrax accidentally kill Vhagar. I want more of them so bad.

Mostly because of the black comedy potential. I could go either way for whether or not Aemond dies too, but jesus that's such a great idea. The oldest, biggest, scariest dragon on the fucking planet and somehow sopping wet twink Lucaerys Velaryon and his tweenage mount manage to take her out? One little alteration and the tone of the whole conflict shifts almost entirely.

Of course some kind of freak intervention is required for it to work, and most of that's still pretty dark. Options I like include Vhagar actually just being so old that she's nearing the end of her lifespan and so it's less that Lucaerys and Arrax successfully kill her, and more that she just happens to die at the worst possible moment for Aemond, or else something like lightning from the active storm striking some of the chains on her (prospects also not good for Aemond with that one), or Arrax gets in a single lucky shot via breathing fire right down her throat and causing a fatal blowback of the whole firebreathing system that is like a 1 in a million chance type thing.

But then what? Everyone at Storm's End saw Aemond flip his shit at Luke and go chasing after him, plus Arrax is like snack-sized compared to Vhagar, you can't even plausibly lie and claim that somehow they instigated the conflict, not even with Luke's history of successfully landing critical hits against his uncle. Not that the "we're the victims" approach would necessarily do the Greens strict favors here, since Aemond's a grown man now and his side are hinging a lot of their cause on appealing to the same brand of Westerosi toxic masculinity that views losing a fight as a sign that the gods don't like you enough.

I haven't seen it yet but I also think it would be really funny if the Greens tried to paint Lucaerys as this like, unholy terror? Like they just have to exaggerate how horrible this one teenager is in order to salvage any shred of dignity from the situation. He is death from the skies! Tried to murder his uncle in cold blood when they were but babes! Thirsted for violence and slaughter ever since! The mad dog son acts at the behest of the evil false queen who spawned him, truly he is Maegor come again! A sinister bastard! And they're talking about this Disney Channel ass kid:

We can all hear the dramatic score from the show gradually distort into circus music in the back of our minds, right?

[brucewaynehater101]

I need you to stop me from making another Tim Drake centric fic

I got this random idea that won’t leave me alone

like what if the emotional scars and trauma people have show up physically too most commonly as little cracks on the skin and all of the bats have them

they hide them tho with make up and stuff so people don’t question it except Tim hides them from everyone maybe bc that’s what his parents taught him to do maybe bc he just doesn’t want to burden any of the bats

the bats think that Tim is fine so to them he’s invincible which leads them to treat him as such subconsciously or otherwise especially Bruce

it takes a lot for something to be bad enough that they physically manifest and Tim has A LOT bc everyone thinks he’s invincible

:) it won’t leave me alone help me I beg of you

Hmm.... Let's add on, shall we? This is a very rad idea. You should definitely write a fic about it, but no pressure.

Mind if I explore it? Also, feel free to disregard any part below you don't want/disagree with. This is just brainstorming ^^

Alright. Emotional scars are a physical mark on someone's skin.

Similar to regular scars, they can fade as a person heals.

Some may never disappear, and some only appear for a short time.

What would their color be?

Would they look like actual cracks in a person (so black-ish in color)? Would they be gold or multi-colored (different colors represent different kinds of emotional traumas)?

The level of hurt inflicted is directly proportional to the size (length and width) of the scar.

Perhaps more could be deduced from the general shape (is it jagged? A single line? Branching?)

Not all people have these marks

Most of the population manifests them. There's some prejudice against folk who don't [something something they are heartless, incapable of feelings, not able to be emotionally hurt, cold, detached, etc.], but hiding scars is also common. Therefore, it's harder to discern whether someone is hiding their marks or markless. It's a very fine line, so most people allow a smaller mark to show every once in a while. There's even a few trends to proudly display all marks.

Marks appear at the time of the emotional harm

It may not be apparent at the time due to the location, but the individual being hurt will manifest the mark at the very moment of emotional harm.

Anyways, that's the background stuff. Fun, but let's get into Tim specifically ^^

Tim's parents are part of the few who believe that showing off your scars to anyone, even your loved ones, is both a weakness and a way to guilt-trip people. Therefore, through their archeology studies, they managed to obtain magical objects to prevent the showing of emotional marks. It's similar to glamor.

Tim's object can change forms to suit his needs (so a ring at one moment and an earring the next). This ability prevents the Bats from discovering it.

Janet fakes a very small mark on her hand when she wants to discourage any rumors that's she's incapable of manifesting marks. For Tim, though, his parents wanted him to have rumors of being incapable of forming marks. It served their purpose better for him being the cunning Drake heir.

The deception started from birth, so no one but the Drakes know of Tim's ability to form marks [and the Drake parents never see the marks they leave behind on their child].

The Waynes, long before Tim entered their life, were aware of these rumors. Thus, when Tim demands to become Robin, he doesn't correct their assumptions.

Bruce is a callous fucker to Tim at the start. If Tim can't be hurt emotionally, then Bruce's ill-treatment of him is fine (which is flawed logic. The markless can be emotionally hurt, and they still deserve kindness, dignity, and respect even if they couldn't. Bruce was mentally fucked up, but it doesn't excuse his treatment).

Eventually, Bruce comes to the second realization that Tim should still be treated well even if it doesn't hurt him regardless. The man's behavior is better, but he still has the notion in mind that Tim can't be emotionally hurt. He uses this for missions and to downplay the way his other kids treat Tim (specifically Jason and Damian when they first meet Tim).

Tim gets used to a rotation of insult-names: Robot Robin, heartless, markless (said insultingly), cold-blooded, unfeeling bastard, etc.

He's also subject to a TON of misunderstandings. People are more reluctant to love him due to the belief that he can't love them back. He gets yelled at and told off for "masking/faking his emotions" when he's actually being genuine.

Which adds to his hurt :)

He also has to pretend not to grieve his parents when they die :(

Due to how rare markless are, the Bats don't meet "another" one until after the BruceQuest. When they chat with this person, they realize how many misconceptions they have about them (such as the markless being incapable of feelings. In fact, they accidentally offend that person when they tell the other they don't need to fake their emotions in front of the Bats. Safe to say, the markless individual becomes incensed when they realize how they've been treating their own markless family member).

This would be at least four (probably closer to five) years after Tim first became Robin. The entire family has a meltdown.

Tim, on the other hand, is used to the treatment the Bats have been giving him and becomes incredibly uncomfortable with them trying to care for his feelings and whatnot. It's rocky for a long while as everyone tries to seek forgiveness for something Tim bitterly doesn't hold against them (he is lying to them after all).

Tim rarely, if ever, views his own marks. The last time he checked was when he was having his identity crisis after Robin was taken from him. His entire body, from head to toe, had cracks in it. There was a giant, gaping crack on his back for the metaphorical stab in the back it was.

And we haven't even gotten to when the Bats figure out Tim was never markless :)

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Sand's crushing reality 'It's never about me'

I've noticed a lot of comments wishing Sand could be open about his feelings for Ray. Though that's a fair assessment and would save us a tonne of agony, I've attempted to delve into why this isn't so simple.

The Weight of Dignity & Mutual Respect

Sand comes across as someone who highly values dignity. Everyone deserves to be treated with due respect, and this is seen through how he interacts with others. Sand gets upset when someone questions his integrity, such as when Ray insinuates him to be a thief or questions him for bootlegging alcohol. He gets angry when someone tries to hurt Ray whilst his back is turned. Sand lives his life by an honourable and respectful philosophy, and the least he expects is for others to treat him the same way.

Therefore it's understandable that he hates being treated like a fool (whether that's being taken advantage of, humiliated or subjected to unwarranted judgement).

Ray has consistently maintained that he doesn't see Sand as a boyfriend. Said so himself, repeatedly. (Despite his actions indicating otherwise but that's another post in itself). So if Sand were to reveal his feelings, when he has no definitive confirmation that Ray is taking any of this seriously, he's going to risk feeling incredibly exposed and ridiculous. One of the reasons why rejection is so painful is due to the shame that comes with it. A hit of crippling inadequacy and embarrassment. Being confronted with: 'You're not good enough for me. You don't meet my standards. You're not what I want'.

Sand has probably had to experience a fair amount of falling short. To be lesser than, but largely due to means outside his control. He's been able to rise above those things. However, with Ray, he's not comfortable being in a position where he may be stripped of his dignity.

Boston being the one who dropped the bombshell is what made Sand feel incredibly stupid. For not knowing. For not being told. Which was arguably 100% times worse than hearing it from Ray himself. To be treated with respect is hoping someone will see you as an equal. Regardless of whether they are more than friends - even just between friends, Ray has never alluded to this. (To be fair, he may have been close, but now we'll never know). In that moment, it dawns on Sand how little he knows of Ray.

My belief is that if he were aware of Ray still being in love with Mew, he wouldn't make a move. Because that wouldn't be the honourable or respectful thing to do. So he’s been led to indulge in a fantasy that was never going to materialise. He wasn't in the loop. No one clued him in. He's not been treated equal. He feels like the butt of a bad joke. How could he possibly open up to Ray after that?

The 'Brave Face' of a Caretaker

Sand is a man defined by responsibility. Due to having only one parent in his life, he's learnt to be his mother's rock; resilient and steadfast. The sacrifice of having a caretaker mentality is that your own wellbeing is often an afterthought. How frequently do these types of people in our lives get asked how they feel. How are they doing? They're so busy taking care of everyone else or taking care of 'business', that no one ever thinks to ask. Their cries for help are much quieter, much less obvious and go undetected.

Though Sand is not the best at hiding it, he'll quickly distract others from his own disappointment, upset and hurt for the sake of greater harmony or in consideration of someone else's feelings. 'It's not about me', he seems to remind himself. 'I've got to keep it together. I've got be strong. There's a lot resting on me'.

Caretakers need others to take notice of them. To see past their seemingly infallible façade. They need others to initiate care and concern because they won’t put themselves first. Though Sand's mother evidently adores him, he’s clearly established a dynamic where he takes care of her. So who takes care of Sand? No one. He's on his own. He has no choice but to suck it up when things get tough and move forward as best he can. Life isn't going to stop for him.

Though hugely rattled, Sand immediately diffuses the fight. No questions, no demands that Ray explain himself. He’s still protective of Ray. No matter what happens, he comes second.

The Fault is Yours

Sand really desires someone to see him as 'special', as extraordinary. His life often revolves around others, so if he’s someone else’s priority, that will be a sign. This is why Sand was so affected by Ray passing him up for someone else - he felt expendable.

The gut-wrenching thing about Sand is he doesn't target blame onto others. He doesn't resent his father (who has no idea of his existence). He doesn't resent his mother (who wasn't able to give him a good start in life). He doesn't even resent Ray when he finds out about Mew (because Ray knew Mew first). Instead Sand internalises hardship as a reflection on himself. The reason why Ray can't see him as a boyfriend must be a product of his own shortcomings. Perhaps he's unworthy of someone like Ray to begin with. Boston makes a passing comment that men with Ray's looks and wealth are hard to come by. Sand doesn't need to be reminded that Ray has options. Access to more options besides him.

Things were never handed to Sand on a silver platter, and so he isn't one to assume anything. Don't assume Ray's feelings even if you have a hunch. Don't assume that Ray will fight for you. Don't assume that when push comes to shove, Ray will choose you. Because who are you to assume those things?

It's one thing to be told you can't have something. But it's another to feel like you don't deserve something. As if you never had the right. Never had a chance.

The fault is yours for thinking you did.

Because you're simply not that special.

(Note: So I'm going to need to see a situation where Ray takes care of Sand please. The boy needs it. He needs someone to fight for him for a change. Bear in mind this is just an analysis of what Sand may be feeling. A lot of these assumptions are untrue as Ray does care. But Sand doesn't know what to think anymore.)

[pascaloverx]

Rewrite The Stars

Chapter One

Summary: One photo changes your whole life, when you accidentally bump into a celebrity and the world starts to believe that you are a couple.

preview chapter two

The night ends up being good, taking away the pain in your head that doesn't seem to go away. Serving at Pedro Pascal's table is much calmer than you thought it would be. You just need to control yourself so you don't ask for an autograph or over-treat him. Oscar Isaac is also here, having dinner with him. You believe they are just friends having dinner together but you don't want to assume anything.

"I don't know what you did, but the manager is calling you. And I'm telling you, he's in a horrible mood." Your coworker speaks close to your ear and you feel butterflies in your stomach. It can only be about the incident with Pascal. You prepare to hear some nonsense.

"If I don't get out of there in five minutes, rescue me. I feel like even my third generation will be insulted today." You say looking at your colleague as if you know you got screwed. She nods her head positively with a look of empathy. You head towards your manager who is standing near the back door, right where the whole incident happened. You're officially screwed.

"Can you explain to me how you cause an accident with a celebrity on the same day that I made it clear that nothing could go wrong?" Your manager says, while you are confused.

"Sir, as much as it seems like it wasn't me who caused the accident. It was a coincidence, nothing more than that." You speak softly, trying to stay calm.

"There are no coincidences in the world of customer service. This is a renowned restaurant, not a corner diner. My team must be impeccable. Your mediocrity offends me to the point that I won't even ask for your advance notice. Remove your things from my establishment and go to HR as soon as possible." Your former manager speaks, with a tone of contempt.

"You are being unfair, I did my best to carry out my tasks with mastery." You speak almost out of despair. This job is all you have.

"What I am or am not is none of your business. Oh, and don't use this work as a reference, I will make it my personal goal to ruin any job opportunity you have." It was at that moment that his emotional shock turned to anger. Resigning is bad, but getting in the way of having another job is too much.

"So if I have nothing left to lose, I'm going to take this opportunity to be very realistic." You speak losing the last bit of control you have over yourself.

"And what are you going to do about it?” He asks, almost mocking your face. You then take the jug of orange juice and throw it at his head.

"If you'll excuse me, I'll leave with the rest of my dignity." You say, turning around and noticing that people in the restaurant have noticed your disagreement with the manager. Everyone's eyes were on the situation you had just been in and you felt embarrassed. You even wondered where Mr. Pascal was, since you hadn't seen him.

"Are you looking for me?" Mr. Pascal speaks behind you, and you jump discretely scared.

"Do you have a habit of surprising others unexpectedly?" You say, composing yourself and walking towards the employee area. Surprisingly Mr. Pascal accompanies you.

"It's not a habit of mine but I think it's happening a lot when it comes to our dates with each other. I apologize if I'm being intrusive." Mr. Pascal speaks sincerely in your tone of voice.

"You don't need to apologize, I may have been rude. This night suddenly turned into chaos." You say it, trying to be as subtle as possible, but the truth is that you're screwed and you can't even hide it.

"I witnessed the scene with your old boss. I must say that despite the waste of a beautiful orange juice, he deserved every drop of that juice." Mr. Pascal speaks, almost containing his laughter, and you feel happy to amuse someone that night.

"Do you need anything, I still work here until I take off my uniform." You say, imagining that he followed you because he needed something.

"Actually, I came to give you something. I know it doesn't make up for your dismissal but I think you You deserve it for your effort." He hands you a piece of paper, more specifically a check.

"Sir. No need to give me a check for the inconvenience, seriously. At the end of the day, this job wasn't the best." You say, trying to return the check but Mr. Pascal doesn't accept it.

"Take it as a tip for causing all this and for you getting fired because of me." Mr. Pascal says, forcing the check into my hands. You smile thinking that you are incredibly lucky of being in the presence of a celebrity that you like but that your boss made you feel as if you were insignificant.

"Thank you, sir. It was an honor to meet you." You say, taking the check and putting it on your uniform, not seeing the amount or anything. Mr. Pascal takes your hand lightly and you feel as if the world stops for that split second in which he held your hand.

"It was my pleasure, I hope that if we meet again, your life will be in a better situation." Mr. Pascal speaks with an unusual kindness, his smile could light up a village but you could only focus on the fact that he was lightly holding your hand. Your hand in his and his hand in yours.

"Good evening, Mr. Pascal." You say it as soon as you can come to your senses. He nods as if accepting my goodnight and then he returns to his table. And you return to your reality.

[theloganator101]

The Great BNHA Review: Characters or Check Lists?

Oh Characters...

The bread and butter to all stories.

The thing that gets a story from Point A to Point B, the thing that allows us to connect with the story and helps it feel alive. You can pretty much make any character for your story, from the gentle and kindhearted to the more rough around the edges... to making them likable or unlikable. There are many ways to write a character and how they can make your story come to life.

And by bringing this up you know where this is headed... that BNHA utterly failed at expanding their characters into being people we're supposed to care about.

I could make a long fucking list of how BNHA failed every single one of it's characters it introduced but to keep that from happening, I'm just going to either list certain characters or just group them together since some of them share one common thing that's holding them back from being good.

Starting off with!

Shota Aizawa:

He was supposed to a hardass with a hidden heart of gold for his students, but what he ENDED up as was a walking hypocrite who hated Izuku for no other than he was associated with All Might and couldn't control his quirk... and then CONTINUED to give Izuku a hard time and labeled him as the "problem child" like... I don't even have the energy to get mad here, I'm saving THAT for another time in this review.

Oh and then there's him holding up this ridiculously high standard for his students to reach or else he fails them... which is exactly what happened when he failed Sero in the finals but allowed Bakugou to pass for doing the same.

Which again his hypocrisy gets in the way of that!

And not once does he ever get called out or punished for his blantant abuse in power and instead gets complimented and praised for his methods as if he's the next Einstein.

Fucking end me.

The Todoroki Family:

Oh how Hori totally fucked you guys over in the end... Natsu I'd give a pass since he ended on a more believable note, but sadly I can't say the same for Rei and Fuyumi.

As they were never allowed to think bad of the guy that made their lives hell and were instead to jump on the forgiveness train and take Endeavor's side so they can be a "Happy family" again. Which... no, that's literally stockholm syndrome.

Class 1-A:

... (Sighs)

Oh my babies... oh my favorites... look how that monster Hori ruined you all...

He tried to have this found family dynamic for them all, only for it all to fall apart since... you know, they barely interacted at all and got any screentime.

And it also didn't help that Hori had all of them as bystanders to Izuku's suffering, make fun of his interests, and follow Bakugou when he led them to beat him into coming back. So it really doesn't work when you have these things on your mind and fails to convince you that they give a shit about Izuku and his wellbeing.

And the worst part is that they ALL look like they have stories waiting to be told, but we don't get any of that. At most they're only used to fight against the minions while the Cash Cow Triplets fight the big hero.

Every Female Character in this Series:

Oh boy what even is there to talk about? Since they barely have any personality of their own and are only made to be fanservice for the pervs that likes watching anime girls in bikinis. They definitely deserves much better and to be in a story that'll treat them with respect and dignity.

ESPECIALLY to those like Hagakure and Miruko.

All Might:

Oh All Might, how the story did you dirty.

If there's anyone in this story that I feel sorry for the most (That isn't Izuku) It's All Might.

All because of how he started off at the beginning, people clung to the idea that he's a quirkest asshole who Izuku needs to steer clear from... even though he's literally the one to save Izuku from literally living in misery.

All Might deserves to be an actual mentor and father figure for Izuku, not fucking Aizawa who openly expressed his hatred for the boy.

The League of Villains:

I already made a post on how the narrative did them dirty and I don't feel like repeating myself, so I'm just gonna leave a link here while adding this.

What was even the point of building them up to be forgiven by their foils if they were just gonna die in the end? It was all just a big time waster.

And of course, we can't talk about characters and how the author failed them without talking about...

Izuku Midoriya:

Oh Izuku... the most tragic and wasted main character I've ever seen in an anime series.

He started off so strong only to get worse as the series went on. He should've been the shining definition of what a hero SHOULD be! He should've been the one to realize how fucked their world was and strive to change it for the better and to prevent others like him from suffering like he did.

But... we didn't get any of that.

We don't get acknowledgment of his past, we don't get him rising from his pain and become something more. Instead we get a watered down version of him at the beginning who has NO reaction or introspection to anything whatsoever, not to the world they live in, to the way things are handled, and even to him losing OFA.

For some odd fucking reason, Izuku is never allowed to grow out "I'm worthless" mindset or realization that everyone in his life has failed him in one way or another. He just praises it all like the fanboy he is and just stays where he is.

And then there's the fact that he just flat out refuses to ever acknowledge his past in any meaningful way, as whenever he DOES bring it up, he talks about his past self as if he's a different person from him. To which I can kinda see how this could be symbolic of something... But it just doesn't work as it only makes him look horrible for forgetting his roots and just wanting to fit in with the other people with quirks. To which it somewhat feels like "Fuck the quirkless they're useless so why even focus on them?"

He's a hollow version of the idea of his character, just blankly reacting to things in front of him and praising Bakugou for being the best thing to come around. He honestly deserves better and deserves to be with a writer that won't bully him and give him the depth and development he needs.

Now who else am I missing...?

...

Oh yeah!

Katsuki Bakugou is still trash.

Look forward to the next part.

(Roundabout starts playing)

[blockgamepirate]

What sucks is that I can feel that a major split in the fandom is probably inevitable now

I guess this is doomposting but I can already see it happening

idk, I'm gonna support the workers in any case

I don't particularly care about the current argument over the union, it's pure distraction to shift the discussion away from the actual problems, as if anyone here actually cares about the union and not just what the union can possibly facilitate

But I do care about the employees and former employees of QSMP and they deserve respect and dignity and credit, not slander or vague passive-aggressive accusations

Which I've unfortunately seen even from people I know and care about, even people I follow or used to follow here on Tumblr, even people I consider friends

So, I feel like I should just be honest here, idk how I'm gonna handle this diplomatically in order not to burn too many bridges unnecessarily, because I don't actually want to lose people over this, but I do also have principles

I had no animosity towards Quackity before this, I hope you can see that from my blog history; I've never been a cc!Quackity hater. Unfortunately at this point I do need to see him do better than this, because his employees and former employees deserve better

If he does actually try to make it all up for them, if he actually talks to them with respect and a willingness to listen to their concerns and their experiences, then I have no more beef with him

I don't think he's a bad person, but he is doing a bad thing

That's all

[magpie-come-east]

Also Hornsent grandam for the ask meme because she’s cute and deserves more love

favorite thing about them

Frankly I love everything about her. I love her design. I love her dialogue. I love that she is initially hostile but softens up as the story progresses. I love, even then, she never actually trusts the player wholly (she thinks you are a Sculpted Keeper, that's why she loosens up). Despite her sharp tongue and stinging condemnation, she shows over and over that there is a loving old grandma buried beneath the ash laid during the war. She's old. She's been watching her friends and family die all her life. She's watched her way of life slowly go extinct. But she faces the player with dignity. She makes soup with love. She tells the player to take a nap. She tells you to beat Messmer's ass.

least favorite thing about them

This is a petty detail, but it kinda bugs me that she says 'by the look of thee, another of Messmer's peons, methinks' about the player. Then later when the player wears the Divine Beast Dancing Lion mask, she mistakes them for a Sculpted Keeper because of their smell. I believe her horns made her blind, hence her recognition by scent later. But at the beginning they make it seem like she is still sighted. It feels like a minor oversight, but it bothered me haha.

But Gramma is perfect otherwise!

favorite line

"For what reason dost thou falter, villain? Enact thy sordid work with fullest pride. Else tuck away thy tail and leave for good. Loathsome issue of the rotten strumpet."

These lines are just so badass. She is an old woman 'looking' her would-be assassin in the eye and saying 'Do it, coward. You won't.' With a couple of lines we can see what a strong and proud woman she is. She fully expects to die, not understanding a Tarnished is not an agent of Messmer. But she refuses to be humiliated or cowed.

"I cannot presume thou didst not suffer... Please, I ask thee, allow thyself some rest. None of the tower would dare interfere. And if one should, I'll see to them myself!"

I also love this one. Once she lets her guard down she really is just a grandma. She is glad that Messmer is dead. But more than that, she is concerned about you. It's genuinely sweet.

brOTP

I think all the Horned Warriors love her. She bosses them around and they all crave her praise. Like I said, she's a Grandma.

I also feel like her and the Omen Twins would get along eventually. She'd bust their balls so hard, and they'd bite back just as hard.

OTP

I don't actively ship her with anyone. But since she grants the player the spirit of her own son to guard them, she probably had a partner at some point. Someone who likely isn't around anymore either ;;

nOTP

She wouldn't be caught DEAD with a non-hornsent lover lol

random headcanon

The Grandam is a respected leader in Belurat. Not because she was elected to or inherited any great position. But because she is one of the few elders of her clan that remembers the cultural practices that Messmer's armies are stomping out. Even the hornsent people call her Grandam because she's basically a grandmother to them all.

unpopular opinion

Hornsent Grandam isn't mean. If her 'rude' lines were given to Messmer to say ya'll (general) would be lapping it up. To be honest, I don't think most people dislike her, so this isn't really an 'unpopular' opinion. But all criticisms I see about her character are immensely bad faith. She's not 'fuckable' (ie, she's actually elderly) and a woman. So she must necessarily be dunked on to prop up the mediocre man that is her enemy.

song i associate with them

I dunno the Cult of the Lamb soundtrack.

Genius of Love - Tom Tom Club

[proshippers-against-censorship]

https://www.tumblr.com/proshippers-against-censorship/749092539698757632/see-thats-specifically-what-i-was-talking-about?source=share

First of all, I'd like to say I'm sorry for how offended I sounded in this post. I was offended, and honestly, I still am. I don't understand how any logical person can genuinely consider pedophilia to be such a non-issue as in the reblog you shared, and it terrifies me. The fact people can not only say things like that, but it's a widely shared opinion in this community is specifically why I don't feel safe in proship circles anymore. I've tried to put my thoughts together in a (hopefully) clearer manner.

I think there are some subjects that inherently don't deserve to be treated with polite discussion the same way most do.

You don't debate with people about transphobia or racism because making it a debate implies it's even something that needs to be considered from "the other side" at all, and I think pedophilia needs to be treated the same way. What pedophiles think shouldn't matter in the same way that what homophobes think doesn't matter. I hope we can agree that the fact we've gotten to a point where what rights gay people deserve is considered a political topic is horrible, and I believe we've gotten to that point in part because engaging with the subject at all lends credibility to it. It's a relevant/correct enough opinion that it has to be argued about, and that puts their foot in the door.

Whether or not pedophilia is objectively bad shouldn't even be a discussion, let alone one so widespread and pressing in this community that almost everyone has a statement about it somewhere on their blog. Echo chambers aren't beneficial to anyone when there's a conversation to be had and outside perspectives to consider about a given topic. But you can't seriously engage with people who try to defend pedophilia (offending or not) in the same way that you wouldn't consider the viewpoints of people talking about how they think being gay is immoral. We cannot lend credence to what these people think, and treating the discussion like a debate to be had at all gives them all the validity they need.

These are dangerous things to be posting. I know you probably get the words "normalization" and "politicization" thrown at you a lot, but that's what you're doing by posting/reblogging things like that. Trying to make pedophilia seem like something that shouldn't define a person and isn't innately bad or immoral is normalizing pedophilia, and considering their points at all is politicizing pedophilia. Of course, you as one blog runner aren't going to suddenly make everyone believe that pedophilia isn't that bad, but I don't think it's a coincidence it's such a common sentiment in this community. Nowhere else even engages with the idea, so it doesn't surprise me that neutral/positive feelings toward actual, real pedophiles is all too common here.

There are some things that don't need to be given the dignity of being an argument to be considered, and I believe pedophilia is one of them. You don't genuinely listen to or consider whether Jewish space lasers caused the California wildfires because that's objectively an insane thing to say out loud. Nobody hears that and thinks, "Well, I should at least hear what they have to say to back it up, maybe they can say something insightful." I think we should treat people trying to defend pedophilia with the same attitude.

I've noticed how normal it's treated as in this community, and I mentioned the slip backwards in my original ask. The general consensus on "para discourse" keeps going farther little by little and it scares the living shit out of me. First, I was told that proshippers don't support attraction to real children. Then, I saw that far too large a chunk of the proship community are actually attracted to real children and self-identify as MAPs. Then, I was told they were deeply ashamed and used their blogs to vent about their sicknesses and would never seek out contact with children. And now, I'm being told it actually is okay for pedophiles to be in contact with kids and that they shouldn't feel ashamed of it. We keep walking backwards as a community, and I don't feel safe or comfortable with it anymore.

If you (proshippers in general) don't want people to assume you're a pedophile when there's a community-wide pattern of pedophilia apology and normalization, you have to be loud about disavowing them and excommunicating them from your community. You can't be in a community that's 1/5 pedophiles, defend them with your platform, and welcome them into your spaces with open arms, and then be shocked when people assume you're a pedophile too. Especially when that pattern drives out people who are also staunchly anti-pedophile. It's a serious problem I don't see many people try to do anything about. There are awful people everywhere, but I've never seen a group where they're so loud and visible with it. The fact they feel comfortable doing so here is another testament to how normalized it is in this community, and you as a community really shouldn't let it get any worse. You shouldn't tolerate sharing a space with pedophiles.

-anti anon

A big thing you still have to keep in mind is that paraphilias are not controllable. You don't wake up one day and decide you want to have a piss kink or a sadist kink or anything of the sort. It just kind of happens. And the big three paras are the same way. It's not quite something you choose.

But what you can control is the damage that occurs because you have that paraphilia. Just because you're into piss doesn't mean you are going to piss on your non-consenting partner. Just because you're into sadism doesn't mean you are going to hurt your non-consenting partner. Just because you have a big three para doesn't mean you're going to actually engage with the subject of those paras.

And that's what should be endorsed. Because, frankly, not endorsing anti-contact kink/para acceptance goes against something else I'm also very much so about - harm reduction. Acceptance leads to finding healthy outlets. A lack of acceptance often leads to unhealthy outlets and harm.

And I don't want to ever find myself on the side that leads to the most harm. And frankly, neither should anybody else.

It's like dog cropping. Keep it legal or you'll end up with backyard hack jobs.

[sudenlehto]

"You can't please everyone" is such a difficult concept to me. What do you mean I'm supposed to be at peace not being able to keep every friendship I create, or be liked or understood by everyone I meet?

Obviously it's true that it's impossible.

But how am I supposed to not feel like a complete failure of a person if I couldn't avoid someone misrepresenting my intentions or opinions negatively and offensively as fuck or projecting whatever shitty mood they had on me? That sometimes you just choosing to be honest about your own values will make you completely incompatible with even a friend you valued a lot?

That it isn't enough that I try my best to consider everyone's perspective while also sticking to my values, that I try my best to be a decent person...?

I can actually just be hated and mistreated because to someone my values (like being against calling people with certain mental illnesses subhuman monsters who only exist to prey on others, oh what a horrible thing to believe!) are that bad?

I can actually just get shit because someone learned the history of my country from those who have killed my people for centuries and believes absolutely horrific false shit about us, believing I on some level deserve to take shit just for existing...? All this in the kind of a world where it's realistic of me to speculate how many years it takes that one day I kill myself in my apartment to not end up in hands of enemy soldiers, - that is - if a missile doesn't bury me in rubble or char me to ashes first?? Because of this being a possible scenario during my lifetime, most people from certain countries should fully shut up about mine or I will break their bones into thousands of little chips.

I can actually just get shit because someone decided that everything I say has the worst possible implications??

I can actually just get shit because someone smears me out of jealousy or to control whom their social circle mingles with, that I'm a convenient ugly outsider whose inferiority is a nice bonding activity to you and your friends?

I can actually just get shit because I felt too bad for you to give you a piece of my mind whenever you took your bad day on me, and this is why I apparently deserve everything you do to me..? And if I do give you a piece of my mind, it's all excuses and guilt-trips from you, and I'm the one apologizing?

I can actually just get shit no matter how I try to live up to my values, while also trying to be fair and well liked by everyone...?

I can not control if I am hated, sometimes I don't even have to do anything to be hated and at other times the choices aligned with my personal integrity and values are what makes someone hate me?

Sometimes I'm just so bitter.

People blame themselves for things we had no control over, because we believe we can control how we eventually get treated by others.

This leads to us trying to do the impossible, to be liked by everyone. Even though so many people are utter scum (not unlike yourself who are also judgemental and prejudiced) and all it takes is for you to take a breathe to start taking shit from someone again.

Sometimes you get blamed so badly for standing up for yourself that it'll be you who gets smeared and who loses everything because a bigot or an abuser played the victim so fucking hard when you gave them your real opinion of them.

Think of Ann Vondra, or any other person who didn't really have to do anything wrong. They were surrounded by a whole circle of abusers who wanted a scapegoat. Their life was changed for the worse, forever, they lost their dreams only because of an abuser. I grieve for this stranger so deeply. All their abuser needed was some bad optics, their harmless art that is "gross", to get people be against Vondra.

Any of us can become Ann, and that terrifies me. Nowhere is safe and no amount of trying to be a good person even protects you, because that doesn't protect you from people who just want to go hurt someone for whatever reason. They only need one superficially good-looking excuse, especially if it's easy to make people scared of defending you with it.

Or, for example you can be gay, somewhere where everyone hates gay people, or is too afraid to claim otherwise, - and are the only person you know who understands the truth about being gay. Maybe people in your community are full of otherwise kind people, but when you stand up for gay people, or worse, are the gay you're defending, - and these people aren't ready to hear it, - they cannibalize you.

Even people who most of the time are good company for chatter, helpful, stood with you through difficulties etc., can deeply believe in cultural stigmas against something you are, and either disown you or abuse you for it. In modern day many mental conditions still get this treatment.

I'm exhausted because I can not prevent these things. That I can deeply like and adore someone only to find out they believe I'm literally somehow subhuman or disgusting for some aspect of my identity etc. The constant isolation and heartbreak!

I feel that being non-allohet and autADHD are quite okay-accepted about me. The latter used to mark you as subhuman and as an undesirable outsider where I grew up, so I've had to heal that trauma though.

Being trans and multigender has never been accepted very well, and I've had to fight for it so much and I get new disappointments with it consistently. I've received the worst personal abuse IRL and URL alike for being trans. Even so called proggressive people who are often even trans themselves can be complete shit to you for it.

Even worse are my stigmatized mental conditions, one of which I can never disclose anywhere because the misunderstanding of said condition could get me murdered or just turn my life into Hell, so I'd never feel safe anywhere again. It's always the bottom of the barrel anyone ever even considers or cares about.

Yeah, being a gross CSA survivor with OCD and fetishes that connect to those experiences and have helped me heal, marks me as "deserves to die" to so many people I sometimes want to kill myself. I have to protect this pain at all costs and fear how many people who care about me, would love ruining my life if they knew. I'm not hurting anyone with how I cope in my imagination but it doesn't matter because you want to murder me. You want your badge for killing "monsters", and I am the monster.

I have hard time sympathizing with people who are convinced of their own harmlessness based on their identity. Yes, I've had to unpack these brainworms too, like being a person with well developed cognitive empathy making me ableist to people who aren't. etc. Everyone has to put in this work.

But it's these do-gooder-boos who think them being of a feminine gender or an "empath" or "not the gross fetish haver" etc. makes them inherently more ideologically pure and good, so they just consider themselves the victim when they hurt someone with "bad" identities and get any shit back for it. I hate being the one with bad optics here because I can not win if you want to hurt me. People will choose you over me no matter what because my anger is "scary" and the type of trans I am makes it worse.

I've had to accept I can't get justice.

And that no matter what I do or don't do, sometimes people are just going to abuse, bully, ostracize or smear someone. Sometimes that choice am me. I can't do anything about it.

My 12yo facet and former host still hasn't fully come to terms with what this world did to her. I have to carry this child within me and somehow explain to her. It breaks my heart because she is not ready to accept it. Her reaction is desperate anger and disbelief and she isn't happy about who we are today, because she still feels our dreams and life were taken from us. She hates our life and she hates me sometimes. Because I represent existential horror to her, not the dreams she had.

....

My solution is that as long as possible, I must give myself the protection, kindness and dignity no one else can quarantee the way I can.

In a world of barking dogs and bitches who are looking to pick a fight, you just have to know most of those battles are a waste of time.

"Petty justice" isn't worth the effort and brings more bullshit your way because somehow a lot of those barking dogs and bitches with their nippy mouths don't understand that you biting back means they are supposed to shut the fuck up and go fuck themselves.

No, those badly behaved dogs and bitches won't usually understand their own place in that equasion. They go cry about it and bring more and you find, you're in big trouble. The story ends with you taking the blame for "starting shit". Nobody believes you, of course, because everybody thinks Fluffy is so cute and precious.

Fuck Fluffy and Fluffy's friends, but you don't need to let them know you hate them. Just go to your sanctuary, go eat a pigeon on a rooftop to watch the sun rise, and enjoy it with a company that isn't poorly behaved bitches and dogs.

This way you get to have some decent time on this Earth, put away all the fighting and just... Actually thrive and flourish someplace where you can even forget about bullshit.

[three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat]

Anyway this is normally where I "analyze" Ghirahim's fight like the obsessed person that am, so!

Honorary mention to his earlier dancing and dramatic emerging from behind a pillar

Wiggly fingers. Like is that necessary?

Link's so fucking angry I love it

No comment

His whole existence? That's... kinda sad, dude. Pick up a hobby. Learn to knit or something

TOSS THE ZELDA

I like how he completely gives up on being civil. Like he never was but hi yes thank you for uhhh offering to show me to my grave

Yeah buddy you were a fool

The diamonds look a bit like fire here, which is interesting considering he is sort of forging himself into the sword spirit form

HEY the mural of Demise appearing is directly behind Link in this shot!!!

Clank clank clank. The fuck are your feet made of, man?

Some semblance of dignity- BUDDY THAT WAS NOT DIGNITY

G. Guilty pleasure?

I do sympathize with him here because Link is annoyingly persistent

Ok so I. Did not remember that Ghirahim briefly showed his sword form. That's interesting.

The diamonds on his skin are kinda cool, ngl

Like how Link is surprised very briefly and then just immediately goes back into pissed off mode

By the way where the FUCK did the second ear come from? Was it always there but he just pinned it back or something so it wouldn't mess up his hair? How come he has ears and Fi doesn't?

The endless plunge is a stupid as fuck name

Absolutely HILARIOUS that Ghirahim had Link's death planned out in a specific way and then Link decided, nope, that's my plan now

So apparently Demise just like. Eats people. Okay.

Cool as fuck boss arena, though

Music is just so good in this game

I like how he just punches Link now. No fancy style, backhand slaps, just straight up fucking decking him

Also he leads with whatever hand is in the direction Link is heading (such as Link goes left, his right hand).

However, if you stand still, it's with the hand in the direction Link is facing

His right hand punch comes from underneath, while the left hand is overhead

The downward plunge into a fatal blow is kinda cool ngl

KICKS YOU KICKS YOU KICKS YOU

(This is the same move he used against Groose and the old woman at the Gate of Time)

He always kicks with his left leg

MAGIC HANDS

By the third platform, he prefers kicks over punches

What the FUCK is up with his skin. Why is it red under the black? What the heck

Why didn't he just start with the sword?

He doesn't do any fancy moves, just a simple sideways slash, an overhead slash, and a stab forward

Oh god not the daggers again

WHAT THE SHIT HE CAN DO SKYWARD STRIKES OF HIS OWN?

Ok so he doesn't do that weird super speed dodge anymore, just blocks mine with his sword. Same with arrows, the clawshot, the slingshot, and the whip

The bug net mutes the music lmao

Bombs make him jump back? I think?

He still licks the sword because yeah. Why not.

Ohhhhh I don't like that sword. For one it is ugly. Where did your good taste go, man?

Anyway just a basic sideways and overhead slash

Even his voice sounds weird and metallic. Fuck dude do you need a cough drop?

I feel kinda bad for him. Like he's clearly a good fighter, training for thousands of years, but Link still someone manages to defeat and, in this case, drive him near to death

What is he? THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW (wild gesturing to my several fics where Link is in some way not human or ridiculously overpowered)

The laugh and the ominous music 10/10

Like seriously Skyward Sword has the best music of any Zelda game imo

I do like how the Imprisoned is in its first form, only legs. Nice detail because it's the first time its broken out

(Also, no spike, which was actually never down in the pit to begin with)

Poor Zelda

Anyway Ghirahim has fangs

World's worst magical girl transformation

Y'know, after all that Ghirahim did, I think he deserved at least some acknowledgement instead of just immediately being forced into sword form. Shit, man, Demise did not deserve your loyalty

Actually wait where was the second Ghirahim during all of this? The one from the past? Did he just not notice what was going on?

Such a cool fucking sword honestly

Demise is weirdly polite

Bag of flesh? Couldn't think of a better term?

GO GROOSE GO

The little sigh of relief...

Angry Link <3

HE'S SO FUCKING SMALL

He's polite, but you can tell he doesn't think of Link as nothing more than an annoying bug

Oh, hey, the name for the past Sealed Grounds is Hylia's realm. Neat.

Anyway. In conclusion I think Ghirahim should have been gayer and more dramatic. Fun fight, though

[femmesandhoney]

I don’t understand why not believing in gender is a crime?

What they don’t seem to understand is that just because I don’t believe in it, that doesn’t mean I automatically hate them.

I don’t believe in religion either, and I think the ideology is often dangerous. That doesn’t mean I think religious people aren’t people. It doesn’t mean I hate them and think they deserve horrid things.

However I feel like the TQ don’t feel the same., given that they’re so quick to block others or send rape of death threats to people who slightly disagree with them.

Religion and gender are not inherently bad, it’s what people do with it that matters. And as a gender critical feminist, my dislike of men is based on their actions. Actions the majority have made regardless of their beliefs. Regardless of where they are in the world. The only link between them being their sex. But that doesn’t mean I think all of them should drop dead!

Just in general, why is it so hard for people to treat fellow humans with empathy, kindness and dignity even if you disagree with them? (Except rapists, pedos, nazis etc of course)

God I’m sorry if this don’t make sense or is a bit venty or blocks up your inbox but something came up on my dash and I just had to vent to someone.

When people make things extremely political and also identify strongly with something, its very easy for people to get upset and not listen to any geninuely logical criticism you may bring up bc they feel you're essentially attacking their entire worldview and person all in one. They legitimately need outside validation for something like gender identity and when they don't receive it, worse yet when someone tells them otherwise, they view it as you denying their entire existence and their validity as a person. Its an extension of identity politics and how intensely nowaday people cannot handle disagreement about most politicized things. Off topic but for example, our gardener has told my mom that he thinks i hate him because he is a republican. Mind you, my mother leans central and I often disagree w her about stuff all the time. But he like legitimately thinks I do not like him despite barely knowing him, and the conversations i've had w him have only been pleasant neighborly chit chat. Its kinda insane how quickly someone will assume something about how you view them based around political, spiritual, or other disagreements. People leap to hate so fast.

[oaxleaf]

mag 81 - a guest for mr. spider

a very consistent trait in jon is that he needs to feel like he's being treated with respect and dignity. in mag 193 (i think?) rosie very much notes his uptight nature and desire for being seen as proffesional. i think the way he describes himself as a child very much reflects that. how he despises any implications that he's not as smart or competent as adults around him. it's easy to dismiss children as being ridiculous, but people often forget that kids do have deeper inner lives and reasons and logic behind why they do and think what they do. yeah, it's often very flawed, but that's not an inherent stupidity but rather out of a lack of experience. i think kids that grow up as outsiders, kids who are traumatized, and kids who've always been told that they're 'mature' or 'old souls' or whatever especially go through this. which, well, these mostly fit in on jon

(can you tell that i relate to all of this lol?)

anyway. isn't it fucked up how jon mentions being an orphan once and it's never brought up again? like i said, i do definitely think it affected his personality, because kids that go through something traumatic like that (and let's not pretend it isn't traumatic. it might not be life-changing ptsd inducing or whatever, but it's still trauma) often end up socially awkward because they can't connect to kids their age but they have very little in common with adults regarding life experience. so i do think it had some major impacts on him, but jesus christ this guy is really fucked up and traumatized for it only to be mentioned once

oh, and georgie's her :) i love her and i really do think she deserves more attention. aside from her spat with jon at the end of s4, she's probably the most genuine relationship he has in his life, aside from martin. they knew each other before the supernatural bullshit really manifested in their lives and she's so quick to take him in and let him stay. i don't think many people would do that for an ex with whom you had a cannonically really bad breakup with several years ago. i'd love to just see more of her and know how she thinks about and views things

[aromantisk-fagforening]

On love

I was thinking about love again. I've said before that that word is fairly meaningless. "love" is more like a shorthand than an actual concept.

Sometimes the word "love" means support, sometimes it means respect, sometimes it means appriciation. Sometimes it means sex or something sexual. Sometimes it means romance or something romantic. Sometimes it means family. Sometimes it means connection. etc etc.

let's take on the phrase "you deserve to be loved".

Do you see how it could be used as an insult? do you see how it could be used as a compliment? do you see how it could be used as a so-called "universal truth"? Do you see how it could be used to mean conform? do you see how it could be used to mean human dignity is inherent? do you see how it could be used to mean you have earned human rights? do you see how it could be used to say "you might lose your right/access to- [any of the above]"? do you see how it can be used to say "it's all or nothing"?

I will be honest I have a personal vendetta against the word "deserve" so this is biased. But I just thought I'd mention it.

I was also thinking about "love languages". So I've said now that I don't really belive love can be descriped as a coherent concept. I've heard people talk about love languages as a psuedoscience, and I suppose that's fair. I think it's more exactly that you can use them to justify toxic behaviors (e.g. "my love language is gift-giving, so therefore I objectively am a kind loving person even though I view your opinions as inherently not worth concidering"). Or box yourself in "I shouldn't do favors for people because my love language is spending time together" which is generally speaking pointless.

now you could say "no one takes it that seriously", but have you met people? Maybe not everyone is like that. and maybe that rude person in my first example of love language would just be that way regardless. But you have seen astrology, there very likely are at least some that do take it that seriously.

end of post. if you have any more examples of love being incoherent (or coherent) or have any questions/arguments for me with love feel free to send them my way. excluding bad faith ones, if you don't think this type of thought is worthwile I genuinely do not care about your opinions.

[e1ectrostatic]

30 Day Fictionkind Challenge Day 21

Q: What's something about the fictionkind community that you wish was different?

A: There are a few things. Listing them all would make me sound like a naive idealist, but I'll do it anyway because I enjoy rambling.

For one, I wish it was bigger! At least, the community that knows the actual definition of fictionkin and doesn't define it as something that doesn't include identifying as your fictotype. Twitter is especially bad with this and I don't enjoy the culture there. From what I've seen, Tumblr gets it, but the fictionkin population is definitely smaller. It's hard to look for fictionkin (or fictionfolk in general)-specific community, but that may just be because I'm not looking hard enough. I'm primarily looking for sourcemates though, and that's definitely been a challenge. ID/V has little to no fandom presence on Tumblr unfortunately, and fictionfolk from that source are even harder to come by.

Piggybacking off of my first point about wanting more community that knows the actual definition of ficitonkin, I wish there wasn't so much misinformation. Maybe this doesn't count in the way I'm thinking of because that's technically outside of the community, but still. I often lament about how many incorrect definitions of "fictionkin" are out there, in the public consciousness. It's caused people to water fictionkinity down into things like "relating to the character", "connecting to the character", or "being a really big fan of the character".

I often see people pathologizing fictionkinity and treating it as if it were inherently a delusion. This can be the case, and is deserving of respect. It's not like that for everyone, though, and to assume so is incredibly presumptuous at best, and invasive and harmful at worst. As a result of this, I've seen people feel the need to reinvent fictionkinity by saying "It's not kin and it's not a D/A, it's just me." That is what 'kin is, or what it's supposed to mean.

You don't have to adopt any labels you don't want to, but I wish people would at least do some research and examine why they're averse to this label. If you walk away from it still not comfortable with it, that's all well and good; at least you're informed now. But if you do end up liking it, you have a community waiting for you with open arms. I guess I can't fully blame them, because the misinfo is so rampant, but it still bums me out sometimes.

Piggybacking x2, I wish there wasn't so much infighting and fakeclaiming. The psychological vs spiritual dichotomy for example is strange to me. All experiences within that binary, inbetween, and outside of it are equally deserving of acknowledgement and respect.

Doubles exist, and you retain the right to feel uncomfortable or not want to interact with them, but to call them all fake is extremely rude. Their identities are just as real and don't compromise your own. Just block and move on.

Someone with "unusual" or "too many" or "cringy/weird" or "problematic" fictotypes is still valid and deserving of dignity and decency. Again, if you're uncomfortable with someone, you don't have to interact with them. If they're not bringing material harm to themselves or others, it's no one's business. They're real people with feelings and struggles of their own, I'm sure rude comments about their fictotype(s) is the last thing they need. You don't know nor are you entitled to their personal information or relationship to their source(s). Either be courteous or leave them alone.

Basically, I just wish people would realize there's no strict rulebook to being fictionkind. As long as you earnestly, involuntarily identify as your fictotype, you're golden. As for voluntary cases, they're perfectly valid fictionfolk too, this is just a fictionkind-specific post :]. But copinglinkers and other voluntary alterfictional identities, I'm waving and wish you all the best.

There might be other stuff, but this is all I can think of for now. Let me know if I'm talking out of my ass for any of this. I guess I just want people to be kinder and more open to what this community actually is. It's a genuine identity with a rich community history that encompasses many different kinds of experiences, and that's so cool.

[iwillbemeforever]

“Do not underestimate this anger. This anger was the engine that powered Good Omens.” - Terry Pratchett

Man, seeing this line is making me feel alot of things about anger.

All my life, I have always had anger. I am female so, growing up, anger has always been framed as a bad thing.

And yes, when I was a kid, I was just explosive which wasn't a very good thing. But my anger was just a reaction. A reaction to injustice. A reaction to fear. A reaction to people's disrespect.

And although I have to learn how to control my explosive anger. But looking back, I wished someone told me that my anger was not a scary thing and unwanted thing.

I spent many years as a child, being afraid of my own self. I was afraid of my anger. And my fear only made my anger worst. I knew that my anger was a reaction to my fear as a child. But I was afraid and I did not know any better.

Then I grow up to also be an angry teenager. I was still afraid of myself actually. I tried to act like I didn't care. I had a bravado upfront. But in reality, I was so damn afraid.

And the reality is, I cared so damn much. And the anger was just a thing I used to keep people away because I was so afraid of letting people in. I was afraid that they didn't like what they see. Or worst, they'll let me down and hurt me.

Then, eventually, I became an adult and I learnt to accept myself. My anger seems to be more stable. I no longer explode.

But I still got angry over the things that mattered to me. I found that my rage flies when people I love are put in danger or the causes that matter to me.

I remember talking to my friends and they looked at me when I talked angrily about how poverty robs dignity from a person. How we need to do better as a society. How our govt have failed us.

My friend looked straight at me and sighed, "why do you care so much? you're not even affected."

And I was flabbergasted. Like what? So if it doesn't affect me, I can look away.

And I knew I am someone that cannot look away.

Then the pandemic came.

And now, I am a covid conscious person.

My anger is bigger than ever. But this time, I no longer feel like my anger is unwanted. No, this time, my anger is deserving. This time, my rage makes sense.

I admit I'm full of rage and bitterness. But it's warranted. I want a better world for all. I think there's no wrong with that.

I haven't quite learn yet what to do with all of this anger. I'm just aware I have it.

But that line from Terry Pratchett makes me feel a little better. Makes me feel like, yeah, don't underestimate this anger. This anger that comes from knowing what injustice is.

[endogenicredstararchive]

Pondering Things 7: Fear and Judgement

I didn't think I would be Creating a new Pondering Things entry this late. But here we are. I hope you all had a wonderful day today. For me, things have been rather rough. As you may have already seen from my system mates, I've been having issues with blood pressure. Even though I take medication, it's still tends to screw up every once in a while. I'm not worried about it particularly. Like always, it'll go back to normal eventually. And once that happens, we'll be back in smoother waters. And once we're in smoother waters, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming. And by that, I mean your average posts. Part of me wonders if this even worth it. I Mean. sure I have people following us now. But part of me is a little paranoid. We are an endogenic system, after all. And people don't take kindly to us.

That's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm afraid of how people see us. I'm afraid they'll look at us and think that we're faking. Is this a normal thing for a system host to feel? Is it normal to feel like I'm faking everything? Is it bad to fear another’s judgment? The guys tell me that I'm thinking too much about it. And that I should keep going. But is worth it if it affects me so much? I know I should listen to them. They know what they're talking about. But part of me is still very much afraid. But if I keep letting fear control me, it'll keep winning. And I can't let it win. I have to keep going. We have to keep going. If not for ourselves, then for the other endogenic systems out there. I want to be a voice for them so that they too can be heard. I want the world to know that we're all right. I want the world to know that We're not here to hurt people with DID, Or people with OSDD. We're not here to steal resources. We're just existing. That's all we're doing. It's our existence somehow a crime? Does our existence scare them somehow? Because I assure you, we don't bite. Even though some of my system mates would gladly bite aggressors. Anyway, I Just don't want to come on this website just to fear for my own validity. But I also want to keep posting. Because if I don't, then someone may go unheard. And I don't think I could live with that. Everyone has a right to be heard. Even the ones you disagree with. No matter how much It hurts you to hear what they say, They have every right to speak. It doesn't mean that they're correct in any way. But they deserve the dignity of being heard. I have to remind myself of that sometimes. Of course, there's a difference between speaking one’s mind and spreading hate. And some of these antis tend to walk a fine line between the two. And occasionally step on to one side carelessly. I find that most of the time they step on to the side of hate speech. And yes, it is considered hate speech when you target somebody. They're targeting endogenic systems, therefore it is hate speech. At least that's what I think.

I know I should stay out of system discourse, and I know it's not good for me to dabble in it. But I feel like I must. Because if I don't, someone may get hurt. The way they talk about us is hurtful. Their words are the reason why I'm so nervous to keep posting. I keep seeing them wherever I look. And it cuts like a knife every time. Miguel has been trying to keep me away from such things because he knows how much it affects me. Bless him, he tries so hard. Both Knockout and Starscream have also put in valiant efforts as well. But sometimes posts like that can't be avoided. I still read them and they still hurt. Even in the Pro endo tags and endo safe tags, I still see them. I've seen people claiming that people like us are just unable to recognize our trauma. They essentially attempt to gaslight us into thinking we have trauma. When in reality, we have none. I, the host, have mental health issues, of course. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I have trauma.

They always use the DSM 5 as a de facto source of information. However, the DSM 5 isn't exactly accurate. I would suggest they check out the ICD 11. It's a fair bit more accurate. Of course, some of them aren't going to listen to us. And that's their prerogative. But constantly saying that the DSM 5 is completely infallible is an outright lie. Besides that, mental health books such as the DSM 5 only highlight issues that make existence difficult for people. It only highlights behaviors that are detrimental to the patient. Granted, I am no mental health expert, but neither are the people accusing every endo of faking. I wish they would do more research before they shoot off at the mouth.

TL;DR: All endogenic systems are valid. All systems of unknown origin are valid. The people saying that we're faking are not.

I suppose I've run my mouth for long enough. I do hope you all enjoy this entry. And I hope to see you tomorrow! And please remember that this blog is a safe space for any system, regardless of origin! I love you all!