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emotionallychargedtowel · 2 years ago

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Warning, this gets rambly! This topic just connects to a number of things I find interesting and to some personal experiences of mine.

Also I haven't seen the new episode yet! I'm only caught up to episode 9.

I loved @wen-kexing-apologist's work on the original post here. There were a lot of points where I wanted to say, "but--" or "what about--" but I think even if you favor a different interpretation of this relationship, you can't argue with the fact that WKA has lots of evidence to marshal in favor of this argument. In the end, if Ray does have a shred of meaningful feelings for Sand (or anything scrap of something that could become meaningful) or any sincere concern for Sand, it's a very damning commentary on his behavior that WKA's interpretation is so convincing. I like what @porridgefeast added here. I think the central point I took from what she had to say here is that Ray is a bundle of contradictions and ambivalence and almost entirely bereft of self-awareness and that kind of widens out the scope of reasonable interpretations of the things he does because of the uncertainty that comes with that. If I can use a stats metaphor, any data we get from Ray is riddled with measurement error and we have to apply a gigantic confidence interval to any conclusions we draw from it. Personally, I think part of what makes this discussion, and similar ones about Sand and Ray, confusing is that it gets into a gray area about what the meaning of love is. And that's both as profound and as pointlessly semantic as it sounds. Because this gray area is connected to some really important questions but where we stand on them can be really dependent on where we happen to draw boundaries around different words. The main issue I'm thinking of here is exactly the kind of connections between people that we're seeing with Sand and Ray--do we still call it love when the feelings someone has for the other person are shallow, selfish, objectifying, or otherwise associated with the basest, most corrupt parts of human nature? This is actually something I have given a lot of thought to as a survivor of intimate partner violence. Do I call the way my abuser felt about me "love"? It definitely had some attributes we often associate with love, albeit only the worst kind (obsession, possessiveness). It also lacked some of the most central ones (for example, sincerely caring about my feelings and well-being). It seems both deeply true and like an oversimplification to say, "he never really loved me." One way I sometimes try to reconcile this confusion is to look for other words I can use that might clarify things. One extremely nerdy, old-fashioned psychology term I find useful here is "cathexis." From what I understand, bell hooks uses it to good effect in All About Love: New Visions, but while I've read portions of it, I'm not very familiar with that book so I can't summarize what she said about it on the fly. It's kind of embarrassing, actually, because I've owned the book for quite a while and used a passage from it in my wedding! Maybe this is my cue to pick it back up. In the meantime, I'll talk about what this term means and the distinction between cathexis and love using my background knowledge of psychoanalytic theory and related material.

Cathexis was coined by James Strachey, who did a lot of the first translations of Freud into English, came up with that term as an equivalent to one of Freud’s. Strachey tended to make things more esoteric and fancy-sounding than they needed to be, and cathexis is a perfect example. (He also came up with "vicissitudes." A favorite professor of mine used to always make fun of him for that one.) Freud apparently wasn't a fan of "cathexis." But I like it. Something about the sound of it seems appropriate to what it means. And its weirdness means we don't have to say "I'm using this term in a psychoanalytic sense" because nobody uses this term in any other way.

Basically, cathexis is the state of having a sizable emotional investment in someone or something. The verb form is "to cathect." I find it useful because it’s an accurate word for those things that aren’t love in the strict sense but have a related degree of obsession, desire, affiliation, and so on. It has a broader meaning as well (you can cathect with a security blanket, a football team, a religious figure, etc. etc.), but when applied to someone's feelings about a person who is a partner or potential partner, the word captures a lot of the things that come with loving someone without presupposing the selfless, giving, putting someone else before yourself part.

The thing about cathexis is that it can happen on its own, it can be a precursor to love, and it can coexist with love. Some theorists--I think bell hooks might take this tack--think the honeymoon phase of any relationship is always cathexis and actual love only comes later. I think this point is important because cathexis isn't some kind of fake love or un-love or anti-love. It's just a way of thinking and feeling that overlaps with love in some places but not in others--and where it overlaps can depend on the person doing the cathecting and how they think and feel about the person they're cathecting to. It can be a precursor to a real, profound kind of love or it can stagnate, never deepening even if it's very intense.

This time factor is the reason why our interpretations of these kinds of feelings are riddled with hindsight bias. Well, at a certain point it stops even being a bias and becomes just a convention of how we talk about things. When we first get really into a person we might say, “I’m in love with X.,” but when things go badly we can say, “I thought I was in love with X but I really wasn’t.” We might add other labels in retrospect like if I said, "I thought I was in love but I was just infatuated."

Love gets defined by how it turns out. I’m this way about my spouse. I can remember times when I had a crushy or lustful thought about him when we first met and I think, “that was the beginning of me falling in love.” But I had similar thoughts about other people at that time whose names I don’t even remember now. I had a whole other (brief but intense) relationship and a weird casual thing between our first meeting and starting to date each other. I wasn't thinking about him that way during that time, much less pining for him or something. But when I look back now, I attend to all of the details that pointed toward our getting together in a way I wouldn't if things hadn't turned out this way. But I don't think it's just bias and there's nothing real there, either. It's valid to look at a thing differently because of what resulted from it down the line.

I've digressed a lot at this point, so I'm going to bring it back to what this has to do with Sand and Ray. These two started out attracted to each other and determined not to get emotionally involved. They started bonding, partly because they were hanging out in other ways, partly because sleeping with someone tends to lead to getting at least a little bit attached to them. (This is the reason people regularly go from being friends with benefits to dating and more. It's hardly inevitable, but it happens.) They started making bigger emotional investments in each other. Sand's investment was greater, but Ray was getting significantly invested without admitting it to himself. Sand was more infatuated but was clearly trying to be realistic about his claims on Ray.

Ray was on the complete other end of the scale--he started to feel entitled to Sand's time, attention, and esteem, not to mention sexual access to Sand, without stopping to give the slightest thought to whether this was realistic or reasonable. But he barely stopped to think about Sand long enough to figure out what he thought of him or how he felt about him. If anything, I think that entitled, objectifying tendency began to act as a defense against getting cathected with Sand. But it's not an effective defense. Just telling himself that Sand is a commodity--and telling Sand as well--doesn't preclude him from building a different kind of emotional investment in Sand. I don't think it's possible for him to compartmentalize and choose to have one kind of investment in Sand and not another.

None of this means that the investment he has in Sand is good, or honest, or selfless, or that he sees Sand as a real human being, or understands or knows him in any serious way. In other words, none of this means that he loves Sand at all in the strict sense. But if we followed the usual conventions, if Ray's cathexis shifts to actually loving Sand, we'd retroactively label this unhealthy, selfish cathexis as love or a precursor to it. Maybe we shouldn't do that, but it's how things are typically thought about and talked about. If we resolve to be more precise about these things, we could say that this isn't love, but that the kind of cathexis Ray has toward Sand is something that can become love.

The question becomes, then, is it realistic to think that someone who cathects with another person in an incredibly objectifying, selfish, hurtful way could shift to actually loving that person in a real sense? I would say that there are people, like partner abusers, who have habitually refused to treat others as human beings in a way that precludes really loving someone else unless they make big changes in their life. That's probably the most effective way to compartmentalize possessiveness and entitlement and keep them separate from the-kind-of-investment-that-could-become-love: being a full-on abuser. It worked for my ex.

Maybe Ray is too close to that at this point to, like, be a real person with a soul again and not just a husk of a human being. But I'm pretty sure the writers of Only Friends plan to rehabilitate this character and pair him up with Sand in the end, and they're the final authority in that universe. They may put Ray through the ringer to get us to the point where we can possibly root for him again. Part of that may well involve him having to live with the fact that he doesn't own Sand, even having to see him with someone else. Honestly, I think it'd have to include that part of things, and would have to involve a pretty huge shift in his perspective, for me and a lot of other viewers to be able to root for that relationship at all.

You're Mine No Matter What: The Commodification of Sand

I have been thinking a lot in the last couple weeks about the dynamic between Ray and Sand, namely the significant imbalance between Sand and Ray in their relationship to one another that has been at the very least, fun to watch, even as I have been slightly miffed at Sand being so much of a simp for Ray when Ray does not reciprocate these feelings.

Now, @emotionallychargedtowel had a brilliant write up about Sand’s possible parentification and resulting need to play the caretaker for the people around him, which everyone should read. I loved it a lot because it puts Sand in to perspective, that he can be jerked around and insulted and still have care and still want to help the person who is actively and intentionally trying to insult him. Sand likes Ray, that much has been clear from the moment Ray rested his head on Sand’s shoulder after puking in Episode 1, but Ray? Ray does not see Sand the same way, as much as his puppy dog eyes may lead Sand to believe.

To Ray, who is rich, and difficult to manage, and holds on so tightly to the belief he is a burden, Sand is a commodity, something Ray owns. And it is absolutely hilarious to me that I was thinking about trying to do this write up and drop it before Episode 8, and decided I should wait. AND I AM SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE RAY LITERALLY SAID AS MUCH TO SAND THIS EPISODE.

Listen, I love First and I love Khao and I love FirstKhao’s chemistry, but in no way, shape, or form do I want Ray and Sand to end up together, they are terrible for each other, and Sand’s lack of self respect at this point is a motherfucking tragedy. I mean, think about it, what care has Ray given to Sand?

Drove Sand to his apartment after the party (and then ditched him in the middle of a make out)

Offered to buy him a guitar

What care has Sand given to Ray?

Driven him home and taken care of him when he was blackout drunk

Hung out with him when no one else was around to care: Paid

Hung out with him when no one else was around to care: For Free

Cooked food for Ray

Changed his work schedule to play at the hostel party

Cooked breakfast for Ray

Let Ray use him as an excuse to not go to work and instead spending the day with him on Sand’s birthday

Helped Ray change his clothes

Followed after Ray and tried to stop him from drunk driving after Ray called him a whore

Saved Ray from his car accident

(Most likely) agreed to something from Ray’s dad

Took care of Ray when he was injured including helping him shave and bathe.

Tried to save Ray from getting caught with drugs by the cops after Ray interrupted his time with another guy and kissed him without consent

Tried to fight the cops to get them to let Ray go after Ray essentially said that he owned Sand.

Sand is poor, he’s booked and busy, he’s barely got time of his own to spend on the things he enjoys, he is fundamentally a caretaker, juggling school, multiple jobs, and his mother’s health. We see how much of grind Sand’s life is in the montage at the beginning of Episode 5, he does not have room to slip another person in to his life, hell, the boy barely has any friends. He’s never hanging out with anyone unless it’s Nick and he’s at home. So it is very important to keep in mind that Sand is making time for Ray. Sand has a life that is jam packed and stressful, and Ray keeps asking for more and more of Sand’s time. Time Sand cannot really afford to give and gives it anyway.

Sand is a caretaker, Sand has a crush on Ray, Sand cannot say no to Ray’s puppy dog eyes and chronic need for help. And the tragedy here is that there is a world where I can see how Sand convinced himself that he and Ray were maybe moving in the same direction. Because Ray couldn’t let go. They fucked once, and Sand said that Ray was going to keep wanting him, and he was right. From the very beginning of their relationship to one another, Ray has been the one constantly asking for and initiating physical intimacy with Sand. The first time we see Sand initiate anything really isn’t until Episode 5 when he goes slack jawed looking at Ray before they kiss and even then Ray is the one that leans in to meet him. Ray is the pursuer here, Ray is the one that stalks Sand, Ray is the one that interrupts Sand’s next one night stand, Ray is the one that is always asking if he can stay over, that is asking for help, that is asking for sex. So of course Sand is going to start thinking some type of way about what he and Ray are to each other, even if they haven’t had any conversations about the nature of their relationship.

But I think Sand is so used to taking care of other people that he hasn’t really gotten it through his head that Ray doesn’t not feel the same. We see every twist of the knife in Sand’s face in Episode 5 whenever he is reminded of that fact. But I think that despite the shit that Ray has put him through, Sand hasn’t fully realized, or at least, he is refusing to admit it to himself that there is no scenario where Ray falls in love with him, because to Ray, Sand is a commodity.

Sand is something to be bought.

Sand is someone Ray can go to when he wants to be serviced.

Sand is his favorite toy.

Ray doesn’t like Sand, Ray likes the attention, Ray likes being noticed, Ray likes being cared for, because in his life, his friends mostly ignore him, his father mostly ignores him, his mother is dead and he grew up knowing that she hated him. Ray fell in love with Mew because Mew gave him attention and care, because Ray held him in the bathtub while he sobbed, and Ray has never been able to let go of that idea. But so too, has Ray not been able to let go of the other person who is providing happiness on tap.

favorite photo ever, courtesy of @liyazaki

There are two critical details to remember about Ray. One- Ray is rich, Two- Ray has substance use disorder. Which means that Ray is constantly looking for the next thing that will make him feel good. He drinks to forget, he does cocaine, Ray by nature of his substance dependency does not have a concept of delayed gratification. Ray is extremely rooted in the present, in whatever dopamine hit is within the closest reach. And Sand and his natural tendency to give everything he has is one of the easiest things for him to reach for. Every time that Sand has tried to set a boundary, Ray has crossed it because he knows Sand has feelings for him, he knows he can manipulate that if he just begs cute enough. When he wants sex, he can get sex, when he wants adventure, he can get adventure, when he wants care, he can get care quick, easy, and cheap. Ray paid Sand once for his time, and learned he could be bought, and he has held on to that one time subscription fee extremely tightly.

When it comes to Ray and Sand, there is no winning for Sand that is not defined by the two of them never seeing each other again. Because the second that Ray paid Sand for his time, Sand became Ray’s property, and Ray has never stopped thinking of Sand as such. And we know this is true because of everything Ray does and says related to Sand showing any level of autonomy that runs counter to Ray’s vested interests.

Ray pays for Sand to hang out with him, and soon afterwards, Sand tries to bring a girl home from the bar for a one night stand, only for Ray to interrupt them. Sand ends up going home with Ray instead. Ray convinces Sand to keep making out with him in the car, and then casts Sand aside the second that Mew calls. Sand tries to put up a barrier and Ray is like “yeah sure I’ll care about your feelings, why don’t I buy you a guitar?” because Ray is rich, and so his first solution to conflict is to throw money at the problem, but Sand is easily sated by a little bit of crossed thumbs.

Sand tries to set another boundary in Episode 6 after he learns that Ray has a crush on Mew, and Ray blows right through that boundary by as @emotionallychargedtowel calls it, “aggressively falling apart”. Ray, to be fair to him is not getting drunk and falling to pieces to intentionally rope Sand back in to his gravity, but Sand’s long held tendencies to help people are going to send him back to Ray every time, because Ray is desperately in need of help and no one else can really be fucked.

If we weren’t already aware of Ray’s tendency to think of Sand as property, we get another great indication of Ray’s mentality around Sand in the same episode. When Ray is going off on everyone at the bar on Mew’s birthday, Sand tries to step in to stop Ray’s escalation. Ray does not take kindly to this, and says to Sand’s face, in public “You don’t wanna be a singer. You just want to make money. If you want it so much, why don’t you sleep with me?” thus associating Sand’s moments of physical intimacy and sex with Ray as purchasable, as commodities. Why? Because Sand could be bought once, and thus can be bought again. Ray doesn’t think about Sand as a suitor, he thinks of Sand as a whore, and again he says as much when Sand runs after Ray to try to stop him from drunk driving.

Sand: “Stop thinking about Mew and focus on me for once. Can’t you really see that I care about you?”

Ray: “Why would you poke your nose in my business? What are we to each other? What are we?”

Sand: “Right. We are nothing to each other, but at least I am your fellow human. I don’t want you to drive when drunk. You can risk your life all you want. But don’t you dare risk other people’s lives too.”

Ray: “Let go of me you shit. Let go. Or I need to pay you, whore?”

And thus we have our answer to Ray’s initial question, “What are we to each other?” “whore”. When Ray is wasted, and pissed, and Sand is showing active defiance over Ray’s behavior, Ray reverts immediately back in to the mindset that Sand is owned, that his behavior, his choices, his morals can be changed if enough money is handed to him. Because Ray has bought Sand before, because Sand is poor, and Ray is rich, and Ray thinks that the only thing that Sand could possibly want is more money.

Sand will commit crimes for money (making and selling plum wine). Sand will hang out with Ray for money. Sand will sing for money. Ray comes from a world with money, it is not absent struggle, but Ray’s struggles are more internal, engrained in his family dynamics. He has never had to worry about making enough money for rent, he has never had to worry about violence being done to him or a loved one from debtors when they can’t pay their interest on time, Ray has never had to live in a world without money, and it is clear from the first episode that Ray is someone that looks down on poor people, the way he immediately accuses Sand of stealing from him when he wakes up in Sand’s apartment.

And again, to be fair to Ray, he is not the only one. A couple of the other rich boys look down on Sand the same way. Mew wants Ray to lower his standards and settle for Sand, as if a relationship with Sand would somehow be lesser, when Sand is a good person who cares about and takes good care of Ray, he’s just poor. Top, similar looks down on Sand, he stole his boyfriend, he thinks absolutely nothing of Sand.

Ray gets in a car accident, Sand saves his life, and then Ray’s expectation from there is that Sand will take care of him. Sand (who has very limited funds compared to Ray) buys him a drink, he helps him strip, he helps him shave, he waits hand and foot on Ray. And how does Ray repay him? By jumping in to a relationship with Mew the very second an opportunity presents itself, leaving Sand once again in the dust. Because Ray doesn’t ever actually take Sand’s feelings in to consideration when he is making decisions. Sand is a plaything to Ray, and Ray has a shinier new offer dangling in front of him.

Sand, once again, tries to set a boundary, establish a barrier, remind himself and remind Ray that they aren’t friends, they haven’t been friends, and Sand is trying to be the bigger, better person by letting Ray go, by telling him he is happy for Ray to have finally gotten what he wanted in his relationship with Mew. And throughout the entire exchange, Ray keeps looking so confused when he hears Sand’s consistent rejection of Ray’s wishes about how he and Sand will move forward in their relationship to one another now that Ray is dating Mew.

“So what’s up with Mew? I heard he broke up with Top” Sand asks, and Ray swallows hard, in a way that I personally read as guilty.

“Good, you can finally end the secret crush. Such a waste of time, right?” a confession from Sand that Ray picks up on.

“Are you okay?” Ray asks, this is the second time that Ray has tried to check in on Sand after his relationship to Mew got in the way of his relationship to Sand.

“Why wouldn’t I be? You’re seeing someone you always loved. It’s a dream come true.” Sand once again is not acknowledging out loud or honestly his own feelings, but he is putting his own feelings aside to acknowledge Ray’s feelings. To try to, even still, even after how shittily Ray has treated him, even after how much Ray has taken Sand’s care for granted, spare Ray from feeling bad about fucking with his feelings.

“Can we still be friends?” Ray asks, because he hasn’t ever had actual consequences for his behavior before.

“Friends? You and I have never been friends from the get-go. We have nothing in common. Besides, I don’t know why I should be friends with you.” Sand replies, again trying to create a barrier between him and Ray that allows him to be free from Ray’s gravity.

“But, when I’m with you, I’m so damn happy.” Ray says, because shit like that has always worked with Sand in the past: “Can we hang out together?”, “jerking off feels so good when you’re hungover”, “can you help me?”, and for the first time it really seems like Sand is sticking to his guns.

*deep breath from Sand, who seems like he is fighting back tears he is so upset at hearing that Ray is happy with him and yet having Ray deny that in favor of chasing his next piece of ass* “You will be too when you spend time with Mew. What you did with me, you will get to do it with him. You might even be happier.”

Sand tries to walk away and Ray grabs him by the arm, because Ray has never once let Sand maintain a boundary, “Sand.”

gif from @liyazaki

“Let me go already.” Sand replies, and Sand here is begging Ray not only to literally let him go, but metaphorically, emotionally, to free Sand of this back and forth. To release him from this existence as someone to be jerked around, whose feelings can be trifled with because Ray isn’t fully capable of seeing Sand as a person with his own feelings that are impacted by the choices that Ray makes.

And because Ray cannot let it go, cannot just let his precious toys leave him, he remains adamant about blowing past barriers as often as possible when it comes to his interactions with Sand. Sand literally asks Ray to let him go, and not long after that Ray is wandering back in to the study room where Sand is, trying to get them back on good terms. But again, to point out that Ray commodifies Sand, what is it that Ray is asks him for? Is it to go out to dinner with him? Is it to just hang out and chill? To go to the bar? Is it to apologize for his behavior?

No.

Ray asks Sand to come with him to do social work, to come with him to play music for children. Why? Because Sand knows how to play guitar, and Ray knows that he can wear Sand down eventually. But it bears reminding that Ray’s social work is court ordered, he is literally asking Sand to suffer the (very minimal) consequences of Ray’s drunk driving with him, and he’s trying to pick the social work option that is the least miserable, the least amount of work, and he is trying to rope in the only person he knows who can get him out of the types of social work that involve manual labor. Because Ray cannot play an instrument, so he would not be able to play music for children without Sand’s presence.

Once again, Ray proves that he is not capable of associating Sand with anything other than a service provider.

Or, as we see later on in the episode, as property.

Because here Ray is, fucking with Sand’s feelings, dating Mew, making out with Mew at the party and there Sand is, not wanting to be at this party in the least but going anyway because he feels bad about what he did to Nick by stealing and sharing that TopBoston audio file, trying to move on, trying to kiss a random stranger with mutual interests at this party, only to have…

Ray interrupt them before they can kiss, squeeze himself physically in between Sand and Freddie #2, and asking if the two of them have slept together.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“Damn it, Ray. Are you high? How about you go to sleep?”

“I want to sleep with you. Or what, should we invite Mr. Freddie here to sleep with us? Let’s do it, I’ll go first,”

AND THEN RAY GRABS SAND AND KISSES HIM WITHOUT HIS CONSENT (which I am pretty certain Mew would consider cheating especially after the whole ordeal with Top) when Sand was just about to consensually kiss someone who wasn’t Ray (again, Ray is unable to let Sand ever exhibit his own autonomy). Until Freddie #2 leaves them alone, assuming they are in a relationship, and not wanting to get involved with “someone else’s boyfriend”

“What the fuck is this. You have Mew now. What do you want from me? Go guard your boyfriend,”

“I can have feelings for as many people as I want,”

“But you can’t do this to me,”

“Stop fooling yourself, Sand. You like me,” Ray points “You love me. You can’t walk away from me. You’re mine no matter what.”

gif by @moonkhao

and there is a reason why they put Ray in the fucking Joker’s costume for this episode, cause that boy is acting toxic as all hell. So even now, Ray isn’t sated, Ray made his choices, Ray picked Mew, Ray left Sand in the dust, but Ray cannot separate Sand’s autonomy out from Ray’s possession of him. I love Only Friends for the level of hypocrisy they allow their characters to have. Ray is allowed to date and have feelings for Mew, and to want Sand, but Sand is not allowed to move on from Ray, Sand is not allowed to have feelings for other people, let alone just make out with a stranger or fuck somebody else without any feelings involved.

And I cannot stress enough that this is shitty behavior on Ray’s part, this isn’t cute, this isn’t funny, the extent to which Ray is possessive over a person he has no right to act that way towards is inconsiderate, rude, and objectifying. Sand is not allowed to have his own thoughts, Ray must put words in his mouth. Sand is not allowed to move on from Ray, Ray will keep pushing Sand’s boundaries until Sand relents because Ray knows he can manipulate Sand’s feelings for him, Sand will always be a caretaker and Ray will always need taking care of. Sand is maybe waking up to this fact, or maybe the horror in his eyes when Ray is yelling at him is Sand realizing at the very least that Ray knows how Sand feels about him, and Sand is admitting to himself in this moment that like Nick, he can’t help but love this person who has treated him poorly.

Because Sand is a caretaker, and caretakers, at least in my own experience, are used to having their own wants and needs trampled over. No boundary withstands first contact with someone in need of help. I have tried to reach out and give support to people that I know didn’t like me after they went through hard times together, I don’t talk to my friends about shit that is actually and actively impactful to my mental health and wellbeing, many of the people I am friends with frequently only reach out when they need something from me. If they needed homework answers, or if they needed observation, or if they needed to be picked up early in the morning from the airport and otherwise they never really talked to me. Like, I get a lot of where Sand is coming from with his need to take care of Ray because Ray is a young adult, going through a lot, in need of a lot of professional help he isn’t getting, and Sand can’t not be compelled to help him as much as he can.

And listen, in my opinion some of Sand’s actions with Ray are justified from a safety perspective, Sand is a caretaker, Sand knows Ray is willing to drink and drive, Sand puts his pride aside to try and ensure that Ray doesn’t leave in his car, and then follows him to make sure that he doesn’t get in to an accident. Those actions make sense to me.

gif from @bird-inacage

Sand doesn’t want Ray to get in to any more legal trouble, so tries to hide the evidence of drugs and get Ray out of the party, which in a normal circumstance I would generally be in support of, but crucially, as @neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan have touched on in some of their posts Sand cannot afford a run in with police. Not in the same way that Ray can. Ray is rich, Ray says he can handle the cops, and he can because he can buy them off, the way that Top bought them off. But Sand doesn’t come from a world where he can skirt consequences.

But there are many places where Sand lets himself get trampled over because he has legitimate feelings for Ray, and Ray won’t let Sand make his own choices long enough to wake up, look around, and realize that Ray has literally given him nothing of substance in return.

#only friends the series #sand x ray #only friends meta #psychoanalysis #cathexis

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belovedblabber · 3 years ago

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I wanted to send an ask but I did't want to bother you, but since other peeps did that might shoot my shot. In the poem he says that when the time comes (the second resurrection most probably) he'll lie down beside A.L and die. In the dream, he says to Harrow that the Tomb is his self preservation in a box and that the apocalypse is the death of God(he was talking about the second resurrection). He needs Alecto to do it, and they are connected so if she dies he dies and vice versa.1/2

Does he (and Alecto) have to die for the resurrection to happen? Or they can pull a Paul? John wanted to be used and consumed by Alecto after all. Also this implies that he has been suicidal for ten thousand years but that's another matter entirely. I love your John metas so I thought you could offer some insight about the use of the word "die" in the poem? If I'm bothering you I apologize tho,,, 2/2

OK I am FINALLY getting around to answering this. And you are not bothering me at all, I LOVE getting asks like this

I had honestly not thought about the possibility of John and Alecto pulling a Paul ('pull a paul' is also my new favorite wording to describe that moment thank you)

That's super fascinating as a concept because in theory I feel like, if Cam and Pal were able to do that, John should be able to as well? On the other hand we still don't know a lot about the particulars of John and Alecto's situation and if there are specific limitations or weirdness tied to their particular bond (seeing as the soul of the entire earth might be a different situation than two normal human souls).

The use of the word die in the poem at the start of NtN is super interesting. The way it is very seamlessly integrated in next to sleep ("Lie down beside you; die; and sleep the night") the way it is composed leaves some ambiguity over whether this reference to dying is metaphorical in some sense, or literal. In reference to his 'killing' Alecto at the lyctor's request John says that he "switched her off." Could John hypothetically lay down beside her in this same sort of 'sleep' state? No clue, a this point there are so many questions about the logistics of how this all works.

The wording of the NtN poem also makes me thing of Augustine's statement to mercy right after she kills John (the one culminating in "my bones will rest easy next to your bones.")

Both sentiments, the poem's and Augustine's speech, feature that idea of starting over, albeit John's being more ominous, and also based in vengeance and the idea of a 'clean slate' ("empty's just another word for clean," "first-draft dream" etc.) And like I said, John's sentiment here is also based in his rage and desire for vengeance/retribution ("When everyone who fucked with me is dead.") I think that the way John's sentiment here contrasts with Mercy/Augustine's desire for regrowth in a home "not paid for with blood" is very interesting (I also find that line interesting in what "paid with blood" implies about how much Mercy and Augustine know about what happened in the past). But anyway, I just think it's neat how if you contrast John's sentiment with Mercy/Augustine's here it really does highlight the degree to which C—'s "John you care less about being a saviour than you do about meting out punishment" is such a telling and accurate character read on John's state of mind as he descended further and further into that anger and helplessness in the backstory (a state of mind that you have to imagine has only grown more entrenched over the past ten thousand years).

Staying on this topic, in his final conversation with Harrow John very much showcases this idea of a clean slate etc. "You can wash things clean. That's all the end of Earth was...making things clean. It gets dirty again, you clean it again." I know I'm not pointing out anything profound here, but I do just think this idea of a clean slate, of starting over, is pretty key to John and what John's actions might be in AtN. And of course he is not set on this course of action, he has the whole bit about "I wouldn't be able to touch them" and the tomb being his "self-preservation in a box." Aka we see these two sort of conflicting desires in John, and I feel like we are likely going to see this be a key aspect of AtN

But anyway, I really do find it interesting to compare and contrast the NtN poem and John's musings to Harrow at the end of NtN with Augustine's speech in HtN. The NtN poem references pulling up the sheets, lying down, dying/sleeping etc. And then you have the poem's "Forgiveness not so hard, nor anger long; Our graves will be less deep, our lies less true" from the poem, compared with Augustine's "Then let us not seek out forgiveness, but forgetfulness," he said, "Bury me next to you in that unmarked grave, Joy. We know that was the only hope we ever had—that we would live to see it through...and pray for our own cessation."

I don't have anything eloquent to say on these parallels at this point, but I feel like there's something there. These ideas of laying down, of resting/dying, of a new start. Both of these sentiments have those ideas in them, but within different contexts. Augustine's speech is a desire for regrowth and healing and a new start, even if he and Mercy won't get to live in that new home where "flowers will die on necromancy's grave" (god i love that line). In contrast, the NtN poem and John's statement to Harrow is pondering a wiping clean, a starting over in a biblical flood sense. The idea of discarding a "first-draft dream." There's also the ambiguity of what this 'wiping clean' would do to John. Would it entail some form of cessation for him, and that's why he wouldn't be able to "touch them," or would he continue to exist (I feel like "I can start over" does sort of imply that he would continue to exist, as does the referencing the biblical flood, but idk. I also have to wonder how far this wiping clean would spread, and what exactly would it entail. Just the solar system? etc.)

The line "In the appointed hour I'll pull up your sheets. I'll kill the light, Lie down beside you; die, and sleep the night" also to me seems like it may be referencing very specifically what the wiping clean might entail. Which I suppose is the answer I've been working to for this question dfghj. Does "killing the light" mean that to do this wiping clean he would kill (or you know, re-kill) the sun? Would this wiping clean mean killing the sun, wiping out the nine houses, then lying down and 'dying' next to Alecto? Does "sleep the night" reference a permanent death/slumber, or something more temporary (just for "the night") etc. I am just asking questions, not answering them I know sdfghj. The start of the poem says the morning is "When everyone who fucked with me is dead. When everyone we loved has gone or fled." And he promises to wake Alecto when that has happened. Would this wiping clean accomplish that? A lot of this depends, I suppose, on if his wiping clean would just destroy the nine houses and not be a wider scale thing (his mentioning that he hasn't done it because "I can't bear the idea that I wouldn't be able to touch them—that they'd still be out there" implies a lack of totality in this wiping the slate. Although alternatively it could be taken to mean that his plan would involve some form of cessation on his part, which would thus mean he could no longer have the ability to "touch them"). Would John's desire be to wipe clean the state, then lie down next to Alecto and sleep/die? And if so, would this me permanent, or would this involve a waking down the line? And I mean then I am not even properly looking at the whole "self-preservation in a box" and "death of God" thing. I realize I have been real time ranting here about the specifics of this poem, but not getting into heavily considering those lines and what they mean for all of this. I have become entirely incoherent at this point I know, because there's just so much to think about here and so many ways to read that poem (and then of course the ending but referencing graves "less deep" and lies "less true" also brings in questions and various ways to read this all.

But ANYWAY, to try and return to the meat of your question vis a vis do John and Alecto have to die for the resurrection to happen, my unsatisfying answer is, I don't know. Aasdfgh. I am sorry, I know this turned into an incoherent and messy badly done literary analysis, and for that I DO apologize, but this question ended up bringing a TON of questions, ideas, and thoughts into my head (as you can I am sure tell by the fact that I went off on novel length semi-related tangents). I am sure I am likely at points doing some wonderfully clumsy misreadings or misinterpretations. Forgive me on this front, I'm very sleepy.

As a final note, this also just reminded me of conversations I've had with my partner where we discuss speculation about what John's final fate might be. I really don't see him being anything like some traditional final boss fight, that just seems both antithetical to his character, and also just not really fitting the narrative that Tamsyn Muir has been building here. Although what do I know? But yeah, I feel like John's end will be something tragic in a very Greek tragedy sense. Is this final tangent related to my above tangents? Loosely. This entire response is like seeing adhd going wild inr eal time (because that is in fact what it is).

ANYWAY, thank you SO MUCH for sending me this ask, and please please never think it's a bother for me to get these, I LOVE this sort of stuff. Hopefully my reply was, at the very least, interesting, even if it didn't do a particularly great job of answering your actual question

Anyway thank you for coming to my TED talk, and when I finally answer the other Jod ask in my mailbox, I am sure I will go on another wild spiral (I am rereading a Tamsyn Muir short story to answer that one, let nobody say that I don't commit).

#the locked tomb #john gaius #nona the ninth #nona the ninth spoilers #harrow the ninth #augustine the first #mercymorn the first #tlt #ntn #ntn spoilers #htn #I know i over-tag things I am sorry sdfghjk #y'all if anybody has more john asks do not hesitate to send them they give me little bursts of joy in between my grad school struggles

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mrsaguapapi · 2 years ago

Text

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11 Ch 12 Ch 13

Chapter 14

I Love You

The Vibe:

ALABAMA SHAKES| SOUND AND COLOR LYRICS

I find myself walking in Kissena park, the same park where I was buried. I know this is a dream for 2 major reasons, 1 being, I don't ever come back here. Something about here makes me feel a profound sadness, something I can feel deep in my soul; I usually avoid this part of town as it's too much for me to handle. My 2nd reason is that the sky was filled with a blue and purple hue, not something we usually see here in New York. As I walk along the trails of the park I find myself walking toward the lake where I was found at.

I decided to sit at the edge of the lake and watch the water ripple as I drag my hand along the top of the water. The city streets weren't booming with music and laughter as usual; It was quiet and peaceful.

"My, how beautiful you've become." I hear a woman say behind me. I turn to look at her and it was my mother. She was barefoot and dressed in white robes, her face was so similar to mine, it threw me off; but unlike myself, she looked content and at peace, there was no worry or pain written in her face like that flashback I saw of her.

Without saying a word to her I just stand and hug her, "Mom" I whisper and begin to softly cry

She holds me tightly rubbing my back, "My sweet child, I'm here now." I cry in her arms for a good 5 mins before I spoke up.

"Sorry for the waterworks" I chuckle nervously and pull away," I don't know what came over me."

"Don't apologize for releasing your feelings, my love. It's good for you, you really should do that more often. You bottle up everything, ever since you were little."

"I wouldn't know, perks of being an amnesiac" I laugh initially but then pause, "I mean no disrespect, but how would you know mom? You died..."

"Death is not the end child." she says holding the side of my face, "I've been there with you, every step of the way. Watching over you, here in the ancestral plane" She replies

"Ancestral Plane? Here? We're in it right now?" I ask and she nods "How am I able to be here? I didn't eat the heart-shaped herb "

"You're a sorceress Millaenyia, you have always been able to access this plane" I just look at her trying to process as she continues, "The Astral Dimension is made up of several planes that correspond to different afterlives. Asgardians to Valhalla, Ennead to Duat, and Wakandans to the Ancestral Plane. As a sorceress and especially as a direct descendant of Ayesha, you can easily travel here just as you breathe air."

"I've been here before, well somewhere similar, with-" I Begin

"Namor's mother" She finishes "lovely woman by the way."

"Oh my god, you've met her?" I ask

"We've become acquainted as of late" She smiles

I hold my head in my hands, "Oh god so you know about my unconscious love spell" I ask

"Yes I do" she laughs, "Oh don't be embarrassed, we both know I've done way worse with my magic." she nervously laughs

I see where I get my humor from

"Too soon" I laugh, "but seriously what were you thinking? Why risk so much? I'm trying not to be negative about this situation but I really could have used your guidance, maybe I wouldn't have ended up buried in a lake with no memory. Which by the way, is truly traumatic." I pause and recollect myself, "I'm sorry I'm not being fair. I'm just lost and confused and I need my mom"

"Don't apologize, you're my child and I failed you. That's a simple fact. With the combination of grief and the black magic from the Darkhold, I was lost and consumed by my pain. I am so sorry, I should have been there for you, and If I were there you wouldn't have gotten mixed up with Agatha." She pauses and wipes away a tear, "I'd give anything to take it all back, but I can't. What I can do now is help bring back your memories. You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending"

I exhale and chuckle, "C.S. Lewis? Big fan of his Narnia Books?" I playfully question

"I'm dead, what else am I to do? Haunt people?" She jokes wiping away a few tears. " On a serious note though we need to talk about your past." She hesitates and holds my hand, "You buried yourself in that lake and wiped your memories."

"Why?" I ask

"Not my place to say." She sighs.

"Some help you are" I exhaustedly say, "What can you tell me?"

She smiles at me," Come on it's never that easy is it?" she laughs, "The red witch can help you with your memories."

Red Witch? Red? Scarlet Witch?

"Wanda? Strange says she's dead"

"That's what she wants you to think, she's very much alive."

I nod my head, "You mentioned me being involved with Agatha? Who is she ?"

"A very powerful and evil witch; Wanda knows where she is." She replies pulling me into a hug. "I must go now my love"

"So soon? Can I see you again?" I ask suddenly feeling so sad

"Don't worry my child, I will always be here to talk." she kisses my forehead," Study the book of Ayesha. All of your ancestor's powers are in there, learn them. Keep yourself strong sweet girl." with those parting words I blink and find myself in my bed snuggled up with Namor.

The Vibe:

Michael Jackson - Butterflies (Audio)

He was on his back and holding me in his arms; lightly snoring with every exhale. I was going to try to get up but decided to enjoy his warm embrace. His natural scent was positively intoxicating, his arms were solid and his warm skin was soft and comforting. The way he was holding me made me feel so safe and loved. Honestly, this whole vibe is turning me on. I gently roll on top of him and begin to softly kiss him starting from his chest, dipping down under the blanket to kiss his stomach, and stopping at his hips lingering there for a moment. I feel Namor stirring in his sleep so I decide to start leaving hickies along his V-line while I take my cold hands and slide them up his stomach, effectively waking him up.

"Mmm good morning Ki'ichpan." Namor says, "Something on your mind?" he says uncovering my head from under the blanket.

"Just one thing at the moment," I say gently biting his hip and eventually climbing up and wrapping myself in the blanket as I straddle him.

"Care to enlighten me?" he asks as he strokes my leg

"No" I begin to laugh and shake my head "How'd you sleep?" He begins to answer but stops, getting distracted by me widening my straddle and stroking his dick with my pussy. "What's the matter, daddy? Cats got your tongue?" I ask

Ignoring my questions he rips the blanket out from around exposing me fully and admiring the way I look on top of him. I lean forward and rest my hands on either side of his head looking down into his eyes, "You like what you see?" I say slowly grinding on him and coating his dick with my juices.

"I like what I see and feel," he says as he roughly grabs my hips holding me down and grinding back, "Can you wake me up like this every day?" he asks before I crash my lips to his and fully laying on him; wanting to be as close as to him as possible.

"I think that can be arranged" I laugh, "I want you" I whisper

Without hesitation, Namor takes his dick and positions himself under me allowing me to slowly slide down until he's ball's deep inside me. Sitting up I begin to slowly bounce on him making small claps from my ass hitting his hips. He feels so hard inside of me; with every bounce, I feel him hit my deep sweet spot causing me to moan and pick up the speed. Namor steadys himself by grabbing my sides and begins to match my rhythm under me making him go deeper inside of me. Without realizing it we had doubled our pace, my tits were bouncing up and down with each bounce of my ass. I throw my head back in pure pleasure trying to focus on my incoming orgasm. Namor can feel my walls tighten around him; swiftly he grabs me flipping us over giving himself full control, "Cumming so soon?" He asks thrusting into me with full force, "Finish now and I won't let you cum for a week" he threatens

"I can't," I say in between moans, "You feel so good" I cry out

"You can" He whispers, "Do it for daddy, do it for your King" Not able to respond with words I just frantically shake my head as I try to hold on. Laying his head in the crook of my neck he continues to bury himself in me occasionally moaning and saying small praises under his breath. Closing my eyes, I focus on my breathing trying to delay my orgasm; I scratch at his back breaking skin causing him to growl in my neck," Fuck baby" He grabs my neck and lifts looking into my eyes, lightly choking and pounding into me with such force. ," Tell me you're mine" he demands

"I'm yours!" I say matching his energy

"Again!"

"I'M YOURS" I choke out barely holding on anymore

"Oh Fuck" He moans," Cum for me Ki'ichpan," He says burying his head in my shoulder and not letting go of my neck. I moan out once more allowing myself to finally enjoy my sweet release once again seeing stars completely losing myself in this pure ecstasy. Feeling my walls grip Namor's dick forcing him to reach his climax with me. I hear him whimpering in my ear as he releases himself in me, occasionally thrusting deeper and deeper making sure he fills me up fully. With one final thrust, he slowly pulls out and relaxes on top of me allowing me to play with his hair.

"I love you." I softly say

He quickly raises himself hovering over me smiling like an Idiot, "You love me?"

"I do" I laugh

"That's the first time you've said that," he says excitedly "Please say it again" He almost begs

"I love you" I giggle

"Louder," he says kissing me sloppily everywhere

"I love you!" I practically yell to the rooftops

We stay there for a while kissing, talking, and giggling enjoying our morning together in bed.

-------------------------------

I lend Namor a pair of my large old MIT sweats and I'm wearing a simple silk white robe. We sit at the kitchen island eating eggs and bacon for breakfast; This is our second plate, we worked up an appetite this morning. Watching him eat is such a pure site to see, he seems so happy and content and I can't help but feel that too.

"So," he says and pauses, "Are you okay? With everything with your mother I mean."

I take his hand and play with his palm before I answer, " I'm a lot better now. I have a lot to fill you in on actually."

"I'm all ears" He smiles

"It would be a lot quicker if I show you. Do you trust me?" I say smiling at him

"Of course"

I place my hand on his cheek and hold his head to mine using my memory transference to show him what I saw happen to my parents, what Steven and I found out from my family books, last night's conversation, and leaving my conversation with his mother for last. I pull away from him still holding his cheek, "You're mother is a lovely soul, I can see where you get it from" I say smiling at him

"Are you sure it wasn't a dream? Not that I doubt your gifts, I just want to be sure." He says reluctantly.

"I'm pretty sure. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." I say

"You apologize too much." He says smiling at me, "She was beautiful wasn't she?"

"Breathtakingly" I smile

He sheds a small tear; I stand up and make my way around to him and hold him allowing him to fully feel his emotions.

I wonder if he's ever let himself grieve.

We sit there for a while in silence processing our thoughts, "So, you cast a spell looking for me?" He finally speaks up smiling again like a dork

"Of course, that's the first thing you ask." I say looking away embarrassed "I didn't do it on purpose" I laugh

Namor pulls me into a kiss and steals the air from my lungs before asking me, "And who's Steven?"

Completely caught off guard, "A friend, why do you ask?" I say laughing

"You 2 seemed familiar," he says looking into my eyes

I roll my eyes at him, "I've been familiar with plenty of men and women." I position myself in between his legs and whisper in his ear, "Are you jealous?" I ask knowingly poking the bear

"I am a jealous man, I can admit that," he says nipping at my neck, "I don't like the idea of sharing"

I snake my hand in his hair and firmly grab it pulling his head back, "I don't either" He smiles and grabs my ass, starting up round 2

----------------------------------

The Vibe:

Frank Sinatra - Witchcraft

Namor and I have bummed around all day in the apartment, I Introduced him to Netflix so we've spent most of the day watching Hill House; for a strong stoic man he freaks out at the smallest jumpscare. Peter even joined us for a bit before he went to work. After watching episode 5 and tragically finding out who the bent-neck lady was, we both decide to take a much-needed break.

This is the perfect time to find Wanda using a locator spell.

I tell Namor my plan and he sits on the couch closely watching my every move, he was so fascinated by my magic. I clear my coffee table and lay out my map; I then go grab my decorative jar of sand and pour some on the map.

Gotta be creative...

Like before I hold my hand over the map and close my eyes focusing on an image of Wanda I have in my head.

Show me the path that I cannot find, Guide me to Wanda for I am blind.

Just as before a gust of wind flows throw my hand as I open my eyes; the sand had covered the whole map except for Sokovia...

She went home.

"Interesting," I say cleaning up my mess, "Well I know where to start looking I guess."

"Will you be going alone? I can come with you."

"She's 'The Scarlet Witch', her power is dangerous, especially for non-magic users; I'd be safer if you didn't come, no distractions." I pause and hold his hand, "Don't worry, I won't go alone; I'll bring a friend" He nods satisfied that I won't be by myself, "Well enough of that. What do ya wanna do now?" I curiously ask

"We should go out; I'd like to get to know your city," He says genuinely

"Really?" I ask

"Really" He smiles and repeats

This is going to be fun as hell

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coruscantiscribbler · 2 years ago

Note

My brain seems to have switched to creative overdrive…or I have gotten extremely inquisitive 🧐

This is a fair warning to my Artists, Authors, and all -around interesting people (because anyone who is not me is interesting) of Tumblr that The Asker’s Studio™️ is in session!

When last we met, I had intended to ask this set of questions, but the fates (and my keyboard) would NOT have it. We jumped tracks and went to Yularen, instead. (Not a bad thing ❤️)

While watching the new Andor series, I could not help but to think of you, and your fic, We Regret.

For those of you unfamiliar with this fabulous, Rebels (say what you will, that show brought us 6 more Thrawn books) based fic, it has all of our favourites: Kallus, Thrawn, Eli, Yularen, Pryce, Andor, and a host of interesting Original Characters.

A brief overview:

Follows Kallus as the very foundations of his life, and his most precious relationships are twisted and poisoned by his continued loyalty to the Empire. He finds it more and more difficult to silence the still small voice that wants him to question, to doubt but to go from blind loyalty to betrayal is a journey that is neither easy nor quick.

As anyone who is familiar with Rebels knows, Kallus eventually defects from the Empire and joins the Rebellion.

While the series did not include the character of Cassian Andor, you have done us all a favour and corrected this wrong. Andor plays his own pivotal role in your fic.

The questions that were pummeling me as I was watching the series were fast and furious, so I will try to keep it to a low roar. However, as I always remind my guests: you have carte blanche to answer, deviate, expand…or go in a completely different direction from my presentation. All I ask is that you talk, and talk a lot.

The first group of queries concerns, Andor, himself.

When you started the series, was there any urge to edit, expand, or depart from how you presented Andor thus far?

Was there anything about the series/character presentation that you would have changed?

The second set of questions involves your fic as a whole

Was there any desire to change how you were going to present the Rebellion & Kallus’s experiences after viewing the series?

Finally, I am curious how set is the arc of We Regret, are you certain of how it ends and the journey in-between here to there (end)?

I ask this last question, because I have always wondered if authors wake up one morning and totally trash the outline, jump rails, and end up in a completely different place!

Once again, it is my honor and pleasure to take up some of your precious time. Thank you, kindly.

I love your Asks, they are always so insightful and force me to (try) and be equally insightful.

I'm going to start with the last question first. No, I never trash the outline and go haring off in a completely different direction. For me the value of outlining or "breaking a story" as is said in Hollywood, is that I have explored all the dead ends, or seemingly attractive paths that only lead you into a swamp well before I actually start writing. And I plot backwards. I know the end of a story or novel or script before I ever start writing. If I know where I'm going it's very easy to figure out the scenes that I need to get there.

I know exactly how I will end this story, several years after the restoration of the Republic, and I will give away this much -- it won't be on Lira San. As I've indicated elsewhere I could never buy the happily-ever-after ending for a man with this much blood on his hands.

Andor has had a profound impact on me, but only in so far as how it bolstered by own views about the Empire. I have always seen the rebellion as having a dark underbelly because you don't overthrow a government without making some ugly compromises with decency and morality, and Andor does not shy away from that. Neither did Rogue One. One of the first moments in which we see with Andor is him coldly killing an informant to keep him from falling into the hands of the Empire.

I'M GOING TO THROW OUT A FEW SPOILER HERE. SO IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANDOR STOP READING NOW.

The two rebel leaders we see in ANDOR are Mon Mothma and Luthen and they both make some truly ugly decisions in support of the rebellion. Mon Mothma basically sells her teenage daughter to a crime boss so she can keep financing the rebellion. And Luthen in an act of cold calculation doesn't warn a fledgling rebel cell that the Empire is waiting for them because it would compromise his informant inside the ISB. Ugly choices forced on these individuals by the dark times in which they live. Of course the crimes and brutality of the Empire are far worse than the morally grey choices made by the rebels, but none of these people are saints.

I'm going to try to keep that balancing of the light and dark now that Kallus is in the rebellion. Draven is a hard man. He expects his agents to be hard as well, to know they must bury their morals because everyone on all sides thinks they are fighting for the greater good.

YOU CAN START READING AGAIN.

I knew before I ever started typing that it would be Andor who recruits Kallus into becoming a Fulcrum agent. But I didn't want it to be a straight line from crashing with Zeb on the ice moon, asking a few questions and then ringing up the rebellion to ask if he could help. A man as dedicated and loyal as Kallus wasn't just going to throw aside his life and beliefs that easily, so I took him to rock bottom, and had it be a single, simple event, the death of a single young pilot trainee, that was finally too much. The proverbial pebble that starts the avalanche.

I wouldn't change a thing about Andor. I think Gilroy did an absolutely stunning job with the character's development. We first see him as a small time crook, a man with no direction and no purpose. A string of petty crimes, mooching off his friends, sleeping with a variety of woman, committed to nothing. Then slowly, slowly he starts to discover outrage and finally his purpose. It's how I wanted to move Kallus from loyal Imperial officer to rebel spy.

The other point where I found support from Andor was the presentation of family. Throughout the movies the rebels all seemed to have either real or found families, but the Imperials were presented as just two dimensional bad guys. And the treatment of the stormtroopers always offended me. Who were these men and women in the white armor? Wouldn't they have had mother's fathers, siblings, wives, husbands and children? Someone would mourn their passing.

Andor showed us people on both sides of this conflict with families. There is the commandant of the garrison on Aldhani with his wife and teenage son. There is the lieutenant who turns traitor because of a woman. There is Syril and his domineering mother. Mon Mothma has a husband and a sulky teenage daughter. There is the ISB informant who wants out because of his new born child. And of course there is Maarva who saved and raised a child, and whether Cassian knew it or not instilled in him a thirst for justice.

#Rebels #Andor #alexsandr kallus

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utilitycaster · 3 years ago

Note

So firstly i feel like you do have some points about Laludna coming back and Vex but it feels to me (and I swear I'm not trying to be mean or anything) that you're kind of over looking a few things. First for laudna, imagine you had a bad friend whispering in your ear for years, they've done horrible things to you and others, but they still stick with you and one day they're just... gone. I thing Laudna's going to have a hard time and have to fight to recover in a way that going to force her to grow more independent.

As for Vex, if it was anyone else from the whitestone rebellion that was tied to Dehlila then i could see her being a bit OOC here. But Laudna was on the sun tree, something she clearly still sees as her fault, and it's not like she's advocating to just bring her back and Dehlila as well, she's saying what she always has "there has to be another way" and I think the reason she's looking so hard for that other way is that maybe she's thinking that she can fix one of the mistakes of her past as she see's it. IDK just some of the things matt said like "So were doing this" "we did this" and "if she's gone, gone gone" really felt like stuff vex would say.

of course everyone has thier own opinions this is just my two cents, I'm really looking forward to next weeks episode :)

Hi anon,

So this is not an attack, it's just me saying "these do not actually convince me at all; you have not really provided any argument, you've just shared your opinions anonymously."

Re: Laudna, the problem is that it's not addressing the many profound plot/build holes I've covered and it's asking me to again, extend credit to a character who's racked up nothing but a giant bill with no real payoff. If it helps: What does Laudna have to offer that a generic new character without the baggage of Campaign 1 and those plot holes and weirdness couldn't? Why should I care more about specifically having Laudna back instead of just having Marisha back at the table?

Re: Vex: why would she be so invested in finding another way? Why Laudna, when her own mother and brother remain dead, and her brother is explicitly dead due to a combination of a debt he entered for her own life, and Delilah Briarwood's actions? We're really in a she said/they said situation here. I'm saying "this does not feel like things Vex would say" and you're saying "this does feel like things Vex would say". Why does it feel like things Vex would say to you? Why wouldn't a more measured "look, I get that Percy was pretty brusque but he is fully justified in his hatred of Delilah, so I am leaving you with Pike to sort this out, and I will give Pike what she needs in terms of financial resources, but if Delilah comes back, well, Percy said what he said" not seem more in character? If it wouldn't, how would you describe how you understand Vex's character and how it might have developed over the past 30 years?

You don't need to answer these questions, to be clear, and you don't need to agree with me - but if you're interested in trying to convince me to agree with you, those are the questions to which I need clear answers (and even clear answers are no guarantee that I will agree).

#answered #Anonymous #critical role spoilers

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rahleeyah · 3 years ago

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This last anon you answered got me thinking about why so many of us keep going back to twitter, even when we openly admit to feeling better after taking long breaks, or call it toxic or are affected by w/e the drama of the week (day?) happens to be. I'm sorry if this seems out of place, but since this is neither the first nor second time you bring up these issues, I figured I might as well share my thoughts here with you.

I can only speak from my own experience, so I'm sure what I'm about to say doesn't apply to everyone. I'm sure a lot of people manage to find great friends over there and enjoy the best that twitter has to offer. In fact, most days I feel like I do a decent job at filtering what I pay attention to over there. But still, there are days, those really bad, depressing, 'the world sucks and I just wanna escape it for a bit' days, when I feel myself being pulled into whatever bad spiral is going on at the moment. Yesterday was one of those, tbh, and I had to stop and ask myself why? Why do I still feel the need to keep going back to a site that more often than not leaves me feeling anxious and upset?

The answer isn't very flattering, tbh, and I might regret sharing this here, but I realized it's not the tweets or the likes or the mentions I'm craving. It's just, you know, somewhere to share my love for these characters/shows with other ppl like me. And that's where y'all tumblr ppl come in and say "why, join us over here where it's calmer and friendlier and slower." I believe you, Leah, because your blog is the perfect example of that. It's such a pure, honest representation of the very best sides of fandom, and you know it's true, since you're always drowning in asks lol. But, damn, it's not quite for me... Maybe it's bc I'm not much of a visual person, so gifs and pictures don't really grab my attention for long? Or, more likely, it's bc it takes time and dedication to shape a blog, and the sheer anxiety I feel every time I decide to put anything out into the wild west that is the internet makes it much easier to do so in short bursts of 280 characters or less. Idk...

Whatever the case may be for other twitter users who, like me, keep using twitter even when it makes them anxious, I have to believe that at least a few of them share my desire for connection. And it sucks that I've been there for months, and the 'friendships' I made are superficial at best. But from the little I gathered from observing other users, many many people feel alienated or left out while 'everyone else is friends with each other'. Some people really are, probably, but it's really hard to tell when we're all 'besties' forever reacting to the latest piece of news that just dropped, be it real or fabricated, don't ya think?

I'm sorry for this rant and for how long it ran... I guess I just wanted somewhere to go a bit more in depth about the seemingly neverending chaos, what with the way it often ends up making it's way to your asks, regardless of your advice to just. not. go. there.

---

This is a submission from @unusualcliches

First I want to thank you for sharing this with me friend. I'm really glad you felt comfortable enough to come here and talk bc it's important that we have places where we can say what's on our mind.

And I wanna apologize, bc I was sort of flippant with my comment about staying off Twitter. I wanna make it very clear I don't hold anything against the people who prefer to use it and I'm not actually recommending that no one go there. Everybody is looking for different things and has different ways of engaging and of course people are gonna have preferences, and those preferences are gonna vary from mine, and that's ok!!

We all want community and Twitter does offer that more easily. I said this in a moment that got edited out of the podcast but I can't imagine trying to get started on Tumblr now. I have made some profound, life changing relationships here, but that took work, and time. I've been shaping my blog for over a decade. Starting from scratch now feels like a herculean task and I totally understand why this platform wouldn't suit everybody's needs.

I am not gonna advocate for people continuing to use social media if it's negatively impacting them, if it's generating feelings of anxiety or isolation, but I am also not gonna judge you or anyone for continuing to do so bc we all do things we maybe shouldn't, or that aren't good for us, big or small, all the time. It's human. It's understandable. We see something that we want, that maybe could be good for us, and we keep coming back in the hope that even if it wasn't good to us the last time, it will work out now. I'm not gonna fault you for that.

Twitter has the ability to connect people quickly, easily, openly; it is much, much easier to find people there. But bc it moves so fast, it's hard to make those connections last. There are people there who post these pictures and share these stories and have clearly found their in-group and that's wonderful! But it's rare. It's rare here, too, rare anywhere; it's a needle in a haystack, really, finding the person or persons out of such a big group who will be your people. You send a lot of DMs that don't go anywhere before you find the one that sticks. But bc Twitter is so public, I think we see more of those connections than you see here on Tumblr. On Twitter it's so visible, you see "oh it's possible to find your people here, look they did it" but you don't see all the times it didn't work out. Like Instagram; you're seeing the shiniest parts of people's lives and not the work it took to get there.

All this to say, it's completely understandable that you feel this way, and I won't blame you for going back even if it's burned you before. It's an act of hope, really. I make the choice not to spend a lot of time there, but that's my choice for myself, and it's not up to me to make that choice for anyone else. I hope you do get something good out of it.

#asks #s.vu #e.o asks

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verobatto · 4 years ago

Text

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CIX

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Dean, What Do You Want?

(14x01/14x02)

Hi everyone! We arrived to season 14. Is th season I started writing meta, so this is gonna be a resume of all my observations from these two episodes.

This season was the 'what do you want?' season, but it also was the Profound Bond season to me. And you'll see why.

Let's start!

All my metas from these episodes from season 14 can be found here: X , X, X, X. X.

Closing Arcs and the Phoenix Complex

At the beginning of the season, there was a lot of clues that led us to think the show was coming to its end.

The first character showing this, was Sam.

I started to elaborate the concepto of 'Phoenix Complex' in Supernatural characters.

This idea is based over that ability of the characters in coming back from death several times.

Like the Phoenix, they reborn from their ashes renewed. And that's the meaning from this.: "I'm giving you this so many chances to change your point of view, so you can see with new eyes."

Is the same concept with the breaking point trough lost, pain and tragedy.

Following this idea, we could say Dean and Castiel (and Sam) needed to go through their journey dying and resurrecting as many times as they needed to be renewed. Season 14 is the season of HEALING!DEAN and Castiel had his growth too.

Because they needed to love themselves, accept themselves, in order to freely love the other.

That's why this was the what do you want season.

But, I said before, Sam is the first one closing his arc:

Gif credit @itsokaysammy

And how glorious way to closed that hateful destiny. He rules his own path. He says "ENOUGH!" To those demons, but also, to his past with them. We won't come back to those black days. He even saw his prison guard, Lucifer, dying in front of him. The victory is by his side.

This path of self knowledge and self acceptance is about to end. He's not anymore this guy with so many regrets and so many incomplete desires. He even had the opportunity of reconciliation with his mother, that profund wound, healing with forgiveness.

But now that we know about season 15, Sam's words here have an additional meaning to what I wrote. Because we know there wasn't a king, but a queen of hell right?

What do you want?

The season starts with Michael asking everyone what do they want. When actually, he was trying to figure out what Dean wanted. It was an indirect question. Because Michael could have Dean's body but not his more deepest secret. (Just like the Qareen in season 11 remember? She couldn't decipher what was in Dean's heart)

Pay attention to this dialogue:

MICHAEL: Why are we here. I know why I’m here to ask you a question.

JAMIL: What question?

MICHAEL: The same question I’ve spent weeks traveling around this world asking all sorts of people. Holy men, leaders, killers. And now I come to you, Jamil Hamed. (pause) What do you want? (...)If you could have anything, name it.

JAMIL: Peace. And love.

Michael names three kind of people in his list: holy men, killers and leaders. The three characteristics that could apply to Dean. So, this question is maden for Dean. That's why no answer will satisfy Michael. Because the answers he is having are not enough to understand Dean completely.

MICHAEL: If you cared about peace, you never would have left Syria. You never would have ran and abandoned your friends to die – and they did die.

JAMIL: No.

Imagine Michael saying this to Dean because is an indirect message for him. And he is trying to break Dean through GUILT. By saying YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALONE NOW AND THEY'RE GOING TO DIE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT THERE TO PROTECT THEM.

MICHAEL: And if you cared about love, you never would have gone into that broom closet with – What was her name?

The symbolism using the word closet, Dean inside the closet just dating women.

MICHAEL: And that’s the problem with you. You’re lost... And not worth saving.

Michael is talking about what he can read inside of Dean. His fears. But this is also a parallel to the Destiel first meeting in that barn where Castiel reads in Dean that he had not faith. We will have another reading of his fears with Kaia in episode 14x03.

Another clue of why Michael couldn't have access to Dean deepest secrets was when he faces Anael in episode 14x02 and mistook her for Castiel...

(Just a little reminder of why Dean said yes to Michael, it was because of FAMILY LOVE!)

Okay, now... That time when Michael thought Anael was Cas...

MICHAEL: I know about you, Jo. Because he knew about you. You're the rebel, the angel who doesn't like playing by Heaven's rules or whatever. You pretend to care about these things -- pretty things. But that's all it is -- pretending.

These trinkets, they don't make you happy. They just pass the time. They're not what you really want.

SISTER JO: And if you're so smart, what do I really want?

MICHAEL: Love. To belong, to have a place -- a home, a family. It's very very human of you. And so, so disappointing.

I can sense how many angels are in this world. There aren't many left. I thought... maybe I could help. But if they're all these sad, lost, fallen things -- things like you -- maybe they're not worth saving, either.

Don't you think is really weird? Yes, because Dean won't let Michael to have access to his feelings for Castiel.

That means the bond is not complete because Dean is already bonded with Castiel.

Bringing back the Profound Bond

At the beginning of episode 14x01 we had that random demon reminding us that Castiel and Dean are bonded.

Gif credit @helpimanspnfan

Everything."

Yes... This was a good bait for us but it was too a reminder that DEAN AND CAS SHARE THIS PROFOUND BOND. And putting that in the first episode was like "You viewers keep this in mind".

This was important and it was put as a preamble for the whole season.

Depressed Castiel and the low grace

We will never know if these were plot holes and huge mistakes from Dabb or if it had to do with Castiel's depression.

I wrote that in one of my metas, related to that time in season 10 (mostly episode 10x01) in which Castiel was so depressed, with low grace and letting himself die because Dean was missed.

But also this scene...

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

Castiel is more emotional than in the previous seasons. We all know because he misses Dean, and he is here using Dean's words with Jack. Because Dean is his role model. We all know that. But this has to do too with Castiel closing his arc too.

Gif credit @myheartofmusic

The dialogue he had with Jack was about that time when he became a human and how he learned he had Dean and Sam but mostly, he had himself.

This Castiel knows where he belongs. He knows his family are Dean, Jack and Sam. Being Dadstiel helped him to find his place. And this lead us to a closure of his character.

Michael bringing Purgatory vibes

Just a few words about Michael and monsters. He really thought there was PURITY about it. He is the one bringing back this concept we saw in season 8 related to Purgatory. It won't be the only clues he will show throughout the season about purity and monsters and Purgatory. In retrospective, there were foreshadowing Castiel and Dean coming back to Purgatory of Love in 15x09.

To Conclude:

Season 14 is the season of the profound Bond, the healing!Dean concept linked to the question 'what do you want?'

It's also a journey though the beginning of the closure of arcs (or an attempt of it).

Time for Dean to accept himself and love himself.

Hope you liked this first meta from season 14! See you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage

If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

Buenos Aires April 18th 2021 7:18 PM

#destiel chronicles #destiel #destiel meta #season 14 meta

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celestialices · 4 years ago

Text

QUEST!

Greek Mythology x Haikyuu

Haikyuu!Ensemble x Reader

OVERVIEW. You were just a perfectly normal student at The University of Tokyo, when suddenly a bunch of 'normal boys', as they call themselves, appeared in your life and started to squeeze themselves into your life. Always saying something like "You're a goddess, we need to take you back to Olympus" (you brushed it off, saying that it was just a silly compliment) and even absurd sentences such as "You got Medusa's eyes" and "You're really Medusa's daughter!"

002: TRUTH UNTOLD

WARNINGS. Cursing, Mentions of Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks and Panic Attacks

masterlist

previous | next

Alas, the most anticipated day finally came, the Ritual of Intuition. A new batch of deities will finally reap what they sown for the past 18 years.

But for Asami, it's not just that, hence also her the freedom she desired so much. No more asking for permissions to go here and there, and maybe, just maybe, she gets to explore the human world below! What an exciting day, really. Yet despite how much excitement filled her body, there's also this anxious feeling running through her. A bad intuition, some may say.

"You'll do great." Kiyoko, her half-sister who volunteered to dress her up for the occasion, suddenly said. "I know you will." Shimizu Kiyoko, the daughter of Poseidon and Aphrodite, has always been a caring sister. Although generally known to be aloof and straightforward, she’s also a passionate and responsible goddess. The next Aphrodite.

After placing a gold night star necklace on Asami's neck, the alluring goddess kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you there, okay? Take all the time you need.” Kiyoko bid her goodbye to Asami, off to check on her other friends.

Shimizu Kiyoko is the best sister you could ever ask for.

Asami stood up from her seat after a few breaths, heart hammering as she tread her way towards the large, gleaming primrose mirror in her quarters.

She stared at the mirror, not used to seeing the dead eyes. It was often said that her eyes were like the stars; always glowing whatever time it is of the day. Her usual cheery face was nowhere to be found, placed by anxiousness all over.

Why is she feeling nervous anyways? It’s just the ritual. Nothing more, nothing less.

Shaking her head, her eyes went down to the little details of her headwear and the attire she herself designed just for this day. A simple light blue, priding her father's color representation but in a lighter hue, off-shoulder lace dress that covers up her feet. A hint of turquoise flowers and embroidered silver vines dancing in the soft nude fabric, covered off with a light blue lace tulle, matching the shade of her top. A dress she chose to represent her parents, the reason why she's here today.

A sudden cool breeze passed making Asami shiver as she stared up her ceiling. What's keeping her from leaving her room were a bunch of 'what ifs' clouded in her head. Sighing deeply, "Come on, Asami. You've waited your whole life for this. Don't let the negative thoughts get you, as Sugawara always says." Asami muttered to herself, remembering the words of her friend managed to calm her nerves a bit.

"Asami, my daughter." Asami flinched upon hearing her father's voice, Poseidon. The god entered her chambers with his favored son, Iwaizumi Hajime. She gave them a look before running into her father's arms. "Aren't you excited? You should've left your room by now." Poseidon asked, a bit worried for his favorite.

Knowing Asami, they expected to see her happily running around the halls with her friend, Yamaguchi. It’s one of the common occurrences inside Zeus’ Palace to catch sight of the two best friends chasing each other all over the place. Sometimes, a few other deities joins them too. Nonetheless, it cheers everyone else as well.

"Don't get me wrong, Father. I'm really excited, but also quite nervous." Asami answered genuinely, breaking the hug. "What if I really don't have the powers like everyone says? I wasn't born with powers either." She added and exhaled, fiddling with her hair.

Asami won’t be lying if she says the rumors from the other deities are getting in her head. Rumors concerning her spread like a wildfire in Mt. Olympus. She tried so hard to ignore them, but she got stuck in the uncontrolled fire that slowly burns her mind.

Before she knew it, it affected her whole life. Asami thinks about it as soon as she opens her eyes in the morning, before sleeping at night, even when peacefully eating. It was too much, her mind is as if it’s like a deity is constantly pouring water in an glass that’s already full.

How can she not worry when the common occurrence is when a deity's parent or parents unexpectedly dies, the powers are transferred to them as soon as possible. Of course, every move they make are being watched by Athena, a request of Zeus as his fear still lingers.

But that's not the case for her. At all. She's the first one to have a case like that. Oh how Asami tried so hard to find what it is, from glaring at objects to talking to snakes. Yet it was no use.

Was Medusa not fond of her? Maybe, maybe she forgot. Or maybe! Maybe Athena prevented her to! Yeah, that sounds right. The story of Medusa and Athena’s punishment are still passed on ‘til this day, every deity is aware of it.

"Don't worry too much, Asami." Iwaizumi's words snapped her out of her thoughts. "Like Father always says, you are just a rare case." He gave his sister a comforting smile. A smile from Iwaizume comforted her, even though his smile looks really weird sometimes, he tries.

"Now child, chin up. Let's get going, your friends are waiting for you." Poseidon said with pride laced all over his voice. Asami nodded and gave a short smile, just to let them know she’s fine.

The three exited Asami's chambers and made their way to the courtyard, where the ceremony will take place.

Heavy.

Every step she took became heavier and heavier. Like a brick had been put secretly on her shoes. The discomfort in her heart makes it worse, it feels like she’s voluntary walking towards her death. She used to wander around these halls so free of worries, enjoying every scenery put before her eyes.

So why? Why is this happening now?

”Asami.”

Asami felt like Mount Olympus is disappearing from her grasp, darkness slowly consuming her vision. Like a black hole miraculously popped up, swallowing her body.

“Asami.”

Her companions were talking but she can't hear anything but ringing in her ears. Her thoughts were so loud, she wants to escape but the black hole was preventing her to. Asami was stuck in her own mind.

It hurts.

“Asami!”

It hurts!

"Asami, hey!"

A voice called out to her.

A voice as clear as the skies, a voice she'll always recognize.

The voice she treats as her stars, because through the darkness, it will always be there to give her light.

Her vision leisurely went back. Enough to glimpse at Yamaguchi waving happily before making his way towards the her. Yamaguchi bowed to the sea god and his son who were about to enter the courtyard, them only nodding at him in return.

Yamaguchi was about to give Asami a hug when he saw her face that screamed distress. He immediately took a step back, knowing that's enough space she needs. He silently offered his hand for her to hold on, which Asami instantly grabbed on.

It's always like this.

After years of witnessing her panic attacks, Yamaguchi eventually learned how to act when this happens. Even if he also panicked the first time it happened.

He only watch her body shook in fear, watch her breath difficultly. He can only watch. Of course, Yamaguchi wants to do more than watch. He wants to whisper assuring words to her ears, help her breathe comfortably, he wants to help her.

But he also knows this is for the best. He doesn’t want to overstep her boundaries.

Because it’s always like that.

"Good?" He asked after noticing that her breathing went back to normal. A smile finally made it's way on Asami's lips as she looked at her best friend in the eyes. Yamaguchi only smiled in return.

It was always like this.

An unspoken habit of them both once something happens to one another. Smile like nothing happened. It became a comfort for them, assured that it’ll never change. The constant in a world full of changes.

"Are you excited to receive your powers? I'm really excited!" Yamaguchi gave her a quick embrace, his heart relieved that he finally did what he’s dying to do.

"I'm nervous, Tadashi." Asami answered. "But yes, after waiting for years, we'll finally receive the blessing. I can't wait!" She stated with a big smile plastered on her face, making Yamaguchi chuckle. Back to her original self.

The two entered the courtyard after a few minutes of catching up and went to their respective places, Yamaguchi with the Aeolians, placed at the Doric columns, and Asami with the Atlanteans, next to where Zeus' podium stands.

The ceremony started instantly, starting with the children of minor gods and goddesses residing in Hestia's place, Eophertia. Yachi Hitoka was the first one to go, the daughter of Aletheia, the goddess of truth.

Asami watched with anticipation, since Yachi is a good friend of hers. But the anxious feeling never left her, at all, making her tense every second of the event. "You good?" Iwaizume whispered to Asami, feeling the tense the second he looked at her.

She only gave a look of appreciation to Iwaizume, thanking every deity there is for giving her Iwaizume as her step-brother. She really got blessed with the most caring siblings in her immortal life.

Minutes passed, more deities received their blessings and are already privately trying their new profound powers.

Finally, the batch of Aeolians were asked to line up. Asami visibly stiffened, realizing the Atlanteans were next. As Yamaguchi stood in the center, he peeked at Asami, giving a nervous grin. Asami gave him two thumbs up, forgetting her own anxiety for a moment.

"Atlanteans." Flinching when she heard Hera's voice after the wind deities left the center, Asami didn't notice that her mind flew while the blessing took place. She only started walking after Shirofuku Yukie, daughter of Poseidon and Demeter, nudged her.

Whispers erupted as the year's batch of Atlanteans made their way to the center. Asami stood in the center, as she is the daughter of the ruler of Atlantis. Poseidon gave his daughter a tap in the back once everyone settled down.

"Begin." Hera tiredly announced, thankful that this was the second to the last batch. She was already itching to rest, irritated just like every ceremony.

The god of sea raised his trident, starting the blessing by giving a fair share of powers for his people. In the middle of Poseidon mumbling his spell, Hinata Shoyo, the son of Helios and Perse, detected an unusual reaction from the person beside him, Yachi. "What's wrong?" He immediately asked.

Yachi let out a quiet shriek after Hinata spoke. "I.. I'm not sure if what I'm seeing is right." She answered. Since she just got her powers hours ago, she's having second thoughts on what her eyes is showing her. Maybe it's just her imagination? She tend to do that a lot.

"What do you see?" Tsukishima Kei, son of Selene and Endymone, butted in. Curious of what's happening.

Yachi shook her head. "My eyes.." She took a deep breath, contemplating if this was the right thing to do. "..are telling me that Asami's a human."

Hinata's eyes widen after hearing that, even Tsukishima was taken aback. "Are.. are you sure? That can't be possibly true."

"Check again." Tsukishima uttered.

Hearing the three's conversation, Hermes quietly laughed. He internally praised himself for sitting behind the goddess of truth this year. Kunimi Akira, his son, frowned upon hearing this. "Father, this entertains you?" He asked. His hatred for his father grew in just mere seconds.

Hermes looked at his son before whispering to his ear, "I'm the cause. The real goddess lives with the mortals." Kunimi's eyes immediately widened for a second, he's disappointed but deep down, he's not surprised. Only his father can pull shits like this. "That's just what Poseidon deserves after what he did to Medusa."

Kunimi sighed. "Father." The frustrated god called. "You know what will happen when-"

"I know, I know. That's the fun part." Hermes cut him off. Kunimi wants to curse his father out, so tired of bearing his own parent's tricks. "Hey, Yachi. Announce that to everyone." Hermes whispered to the overwhelmed goddess' ears.

Yachi tensed up, slowly looking back at Hermes. "I.. It's true?"

"You can't lie. How can it not be true?" Hermes smirked. Kunimi cringed at this, wanting to be swallowed to the ground right now. "Yachi, the goddess of truth, has an announcement!" Hermes suddenly exclaimed, eyes are already on him.

Everyone was confused, especially Asami. "What is it?" Zeus asked, displeasure everywhere on his face. This is the first time in years the ceremony was interrupted. "It better be important. The ceremony is not to be hecked in."

Everyone turned to Yachi who was already shaking in fear. "Uh.. I.." Yachi stuttered. "My.. my eyes are saying that.. that Asami is not a deity." She closed her eyes, afraid of how everyone will react.

The courtyard was silent. Everyone was taken aback, not sure what to react. "What kind of nonsense is that!" Poseidon yelled. The god stared at Asami, who's tears were about to fall. His eyes softened, what Yachi suddenly announced should not be true.

"Where's Aletheia? We can't just believe a goddess who got her abilities hours ago." Hera rolled her eyes.

"Aletheia went to the human world after giving the blessing for her daughter. She can’t come back immediately." Zeus exhaled. He stood up from his seat, "The ceremony shall end now. The superior gods will discuss this with the goddesses of truth later. For now, go to your respective domains." He ordered.

The deities were quick to follow, only sparing worried and disgusted glances to Asami.

Hanamaki Takahiro, son of Boreas and Oreithyia, was about to fly away but noticed Yamaguchi never moved after the devastating announcement. "Yamaguchi, hey." He called yet Yamaguchi didn't seem to hear him, gazed fixed on Asami.

Matsukawa Issei, son of Notus, tapped his Yamaguchi's back. "Asami's going to be okay." He said, capturing Yamaguchi's attention. "It's still not confirmed. Everything will be fine."

The spaced out god only nodded. Getting ready to fly, "I'm sending gods to the human world to find the real daughter of Medusa if this turns out to be true." The three heard Hera announce which made the wind deities look at her.

"Hera's right. We can't let a goddess wonder in the human world. Especially Medusa's daughter." Zeus stated. "If she doesn't want to return here, kill her." He added.

Aeolia - The Island of the Winds. It is ruled by Aeolus, the divine keeper of the winds. Aeolia is where the four seasonal Anemoi and their family lives. It is located on top of the clouds, above Poseidon's sea.

Aeolians - The people of the Winds. Every Aeolian can fly, the ability is given by their ruler, Aeolus.

Eophortia - Hestia's Residence. It is known to be the Land of Freedom. Home of minor deities. Demi-gods and Semi-gods who've got nowhere to go has been took in by Hestia. Everyone is welcome in Eophortia.

Atlantis - Poseidon's Paradise. Where sea deities, sea-nymphs, merpeople and sea animals live. It is a peaceful place, everyone gets along.

Atlanteans - What people of Atlantis call themselves. Every Atlantean can communicate with sea animals, creating a peaceful environment.

A/N:

Sorry for not updating so soon! School's been a bitch. I'll try to update regularly as much as I can. The reader insert may appear on Chapter 4! Please bear with me.

A lot of characters have been introduced in this chapter, I can't wait to show more of their side in the upcoming chapters. Also, I'm planning to release a little event here soon! It is called 'Exploring Olympus' wherein I'll post pictures of the places I took inspiration in for the places in Mt. Olympus.

I took a lot of time describing how Asami felt before the ceremony. I'm sorry if it's poorly written, but I gave my best! I will be better in the upcoming chapters.

Notes, comments and reviews are very much appreciated! It makes my heart so happy :) If you have any questions or literally anything else, please send an ask! I'd love to answer them.

Thank you for reading!

#celestialices #questbycelestialices #questcxx #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu au #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fluff #hq x reader

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