#I don't tell people this because it's something a weird weeb would say

[anarkhebringer]

To this day I think about how I've always listened to almost exclusively Japanese vocal synth stuff, not because I'm a weirdo about the culture, but because for some reason my autistic brain finds the language really pleasant to listen to

[marcusbrutus]

I feel like I have a tumblr anon in my brain…. Like a tiny cop. But it’s an chronically online anonymous weirdo. And every thought I have, I get “anons” telling me how it’s problematic and I should kill my self LOL The other morning I saw an RFK sign and I thought doesn’t he have brain worms, someone running for president shouldn't have brain worms. maybe apply for literally any other job. and the anon was like ummm ableist much? Like WHAT. I turned off anon on tumblr a while ago, so even if I post something “risky”, someone will have to tell me what they think to my face. They can’t hide. Even posts I think are innocuous can be wildly misinterpreted, and someone will probably call me problematic. But even if no one says anything, I still hear it. In my brain. Sometimes I delete things because the thought is so strong. I’m probably not gonna make it to any heaven or enlightenment because I can’t forgive yourfaveisproblematic. In my mind, Tumblr was great before then, or at least it felt that way, and that blog sewed the seeds for cancel culture in the future. That stuff sticks to my brain, even if I don’t want it too. When you put sins like "said disabled people shouldn't be alive" on the same level as "has a tattoo in a language they don't natively speak," it is very confusing to a people-pleasing undiagnosed autistic 14 year old. I felt/feel like I can’t like anyone or anything because it’s ~problematic~ I worry it will never go away, because it affected me in my developing years, 14-19 I want to get better, but it’s hard. I wish I could run from the internet, but I can’t. It’s a part of life now. It’s how we stay connected. But it’s also like…. Idk. The internet used to be my safe space, right? Deviantart. Early tumblr. Seeing weird people like me made me feel less alone. I was a weeb surrounded by “preps” for lack of a better word, not that I didn’t have friends but NONE of them were into what I was into, you know? And no one became as obsessive about things like books and anime like I did, except online. But now it’s like, idk, corruption of the garden of Eden. But instead of me eating the fruit, the garden/internet ate the fruit. The world is too different now… I can’t keep up. And it’s not just because I’m getting older. Things happen faster now. Trends will last half a year when in the past they would have lasted a decade. I hate knowing everything all of the time. I hate that my garden is now a cesspool.

I’m just angry that people on tumblr and lefty spaces online are so blind to their own propaganda, and calling it out is “hate.” Like idk, I guess I expected better from people who are supposed to be ~intellectuals~. Well, if YouTube video essays have taught me anything, style over substance goes a LONG way. And they’re like “oh we’re so compassionate and we want a better future” but they tell everyone to kill themselves and laugh when red states get devastated by natural disasters it's not just that but it's like…. if you're not constantly aware of everything, you're ~part ofthe problem~ #wakeupamerica. silence is violence, blah blah blah. it's just hard because i grew up with a strict dad so learned to be a people pleaser. i'm extremely sensitive to guilt and shame. and all most of the internet has done since 2014 is shame everyone for everything. you're either with Us (good, pure, morally righteous) or you're with Them (problematic, evil). you don't want to be gasp problematic, do you? you don't want to have a callout post made about you and lose all your friends, right? well, keep you nose clean and reblog all the right posts so we know which side you're on an maybe, maybe we'll leave you alone. i have the stress of someone in debt to a mob boss. nah it's more like… i have the stress of everyone in the scarlet letter and im hoping everyone will keep their eyes on the Villain of the Week and leave me alone there's a decent video called "how to radicalize a normie." i say decent because it treats radicalization like a right-wing only issue and the "answer" to right wing radicalization is, of course left wing radicalization. "Even though they're on the bad, evil side, there's still hope because we can get them to our good, morally righteous side!" That kinda bs, and I say bs not in a left vs right way. According to my dad I'm a full blown communist! I'm saying it in the sense that the answer to radicalization isn't "just radicalize them to the other side." That's not at all helpful. You might as well tell an alcoholic who likes jameson to just switch to jack daniels. It's all poison, it's all harmful. ANYWAY, he talks about how most people don't set out to be radicalized, the politics comes to them. That happened to me - but on the left. And I'm sure if I left a comment on his video saying as much, he'd say it didn't happen or say it was a good thing. On tumblr, I came for anime. And for the first year, I got anime. But then I got really intense political stuff. "silence is violence." "i see you not reblogging this." "if you're not angry, you're not paying attention." I was 14-15, sheltered as fuck, I don't know anything about the world but now tumblr is convincing me that I know more about political issues than anyone. And it changed me. And it fucked me up. and I want to get unfucked. But I don't know how. I feel like an internet alcoholic. Like, even if I do stop using it, it will still be there, haunting me, forever, you know? because all my friends use it, not just you guys but irl friends. and the internet is effecting the real world. I miss the days when there was the internet, then there was reality. but now the internet is the reality. That's why I also fell so hard for the [REDACTED] stuff. Tumblr made me think everyone was [REDACTED] because like 99% of tumblr is [REDACTED], and I was worried about it because god help you if you question anything or show the slightest bit of concern. God help you if you're not full steam ahead on everything. I want to escape the matrix. I hate the hypocrisy…. And I hate even more that I’m also a hypocrite. I fall for group think and propaganda but act like I’m above it all. I hate social media but use it every day. YouTube too. I guess that’s why I get so mad when I see them act like that. It reminds me of me. People think the consequences of social media on a teenage girl are like "omg I was feeling good about myself….. but then I saw a model on Instagram… alas. I will never be her. I weep."

But it's more like: Oh my gosh, I just saw a post asking for mutual aid (aka MONEY, BABY) and I scrolled past. What if they died because they couldn’t afford food because I didn’t reblog their post? But what if I DID reblog their post, but it was a scam, and I led my followers to give money to someone who didn’t need it instead of someone who did?

I was hoping to share more examples, but I'm worried someone will misinterpret, and even though anon is off, the anon in my brain is on. always. on. i keep going back to the internet because i keep expecting it to get good again… like how it was. for some reason, i can't accept that it will no longer be my safe space. i wish i had a massive angel to keep me out, or something. like the actual garden of eden. I have to accept that it will never get better. I have not only an addiction to the internet, but to the obsessive thoughts it brings. By wishing it will get better, and continuing to use it, I am chasing a dragon. That is to say, I'm hoping for the same feelings I got from initially using the internet. No one ever catches the dragon. anyway, if you read all that... thank you so much! i'm taking a break from the internet, until mid november at least. maybe by then, it will be better. or not. we'll see.

[astro-can]

pfft what are you talking about I don't overthink that much

also me whenever I meet a new person at my new school:

person: hey what's up?

me: oh hey, I'm good. fuck I should have said hi not hey because now it seems like i'm copying them. how about you?

person: oh, I'm pretty good. what's your name?

me: oh i'm *name*, wbu?

person: my name is *idk*! so, what are some of your hobbies?

me: hobbies? HOBBIES? oh I have plenty of hobbies I like reading but if I say that then they're going to ask what kind of books I read and then i'll have to tell them I read whatever's trending because I can't tell them I read manga bc I would seem like a weeb and then they would think I'm one of those booktok girls who like dark romance when in reality i'm still stuck in my 12-year-old Percy Jackson and demonslayer phase, if I tell them that I like drawing then theres like a 80% chance that they're going to ask to see my drawings which I can't show them because I only draw my silly little ocs and anime characters and cartoons and that's embarrassing to show to other people, I can't say I like writing because they might ask what kind of things I write about and I can't say "oh I write fanfiction" because that's stupid and if they really want to know what kind of stuff I like to write about, then I would tell them the entire plot of the 3294673964932 stories I'm writing but then I might scare them off--

me: oh haha I like reading...and drawing.... FUCK WHY DID I SAY THAT AHHHHHHHH

person: oh cool! what kind of books do you read?

me: ummm just whatever's trending FUCK IM SO BAD AT THIS

person: cool, do you like music?

me: yeah totally!

person: what kind of music do you listen to? maybe rec me some artists?

me: WHAT DO I SAY I can't say that I like kpop because they're going to think i'm weird and a koreaboo even though i'm actually Korean but would they know that its kpop if I recommended a kpop artist? would they know txt? what if they search txt up in front of me right now and then they say "oh is this bts?" what do I do? if I say I like conon gray or taylor swift, i'll seem too basic. will they think i'm gay if I say chapell roan? well, I AM gay but that's not something I want to tell someone when i've first met them, especially since I don't know if they're an ally or not. ok, so what if I say mitski? would they think i'm depressed? would they ask if i'm ok? would I seem like a basic white teenager? I should just say mitski and lyn lapid those are my best choices--

me: oh I like mitski...chapell roan... FUCK I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY LYN NOT CHAPELL IM GOING TO GO DIG MYSELF A HOLE what about you?

person: oh really? I like *music artist that I probably haven't listened to the music to before, probably someone like the weeknd or some rapper*

me: oh yeah I love the Weeknd too I have never listened to the Weeknd before i'm going to kms

person: anyways nice talking to you

me: was it really? was it really nice? am I nice? was I pleasant enough? did I stutter? did I fidget too much? oh shit, should I fix my hair? would they think I'm flirting with them if I tuck my hair behind my ear? oh gosh they're going back to their friends what if they're trash talking me what if they hate me and i've already ruined my reputation even though i've barely been here a month. i should've complimented them! I should've told them that I loved their hair or something....

yup that's basically my entire thought process. there's more but I can't write it all out because i'm not actually in a situation like that rn but that's the gist of it. help

[mistymeow69]

Hi! Im doing a research paper on transracialism, diaracial, ect! If you could pls answer a few questions it would help alot!

How did you find out you were trace? How does being trace affect you? Do you experience racial dysphoria and if so how does it affect you? And what are your overall experiences with this identity?

Thank you

Hello! I'm sorry for taking so long to respond to this, despite using it for a while I'm not too familiar with Tumblr so I didn't even know this was an option for a while, and I still don't know if you'll be notified that I'm responding to it now 😭 but anyway I'll answer below the cut!

"How did you find out you were trace?"

Well, it's kind of complicated. When it comes to being Japanese, I've always had a "feeling" my whole life. I didn't always know what it was, or that it was me being trace, but it was always there in the back of my mind. I won't get into dysphoria too much since that's its own question. But when I saw Japanese culture, Japanese people, etc. I felt... whole. I've always felt like there was something missing from me, I've struggled with identity issues my whole life but considering most people don't believe you can change your race or ethnicity, I never thought it could've been that. I believed I was what I was born as, and that's that. It couldn't be changed. But that didn't take the feeling away. I was obsessed with Japanese culture, I couldn't get enough, I wanted to learn Japanese and move to Japan. But unlike how it'd usually be for someone who just really liked another country's culture, somehow, that wasn't enough.

I started interacting with the "weeb" community, believing I was feeling what they did, but that felt wrong too. Once people started explaining to me why, I became scared of myself. It was because of the stereotype surrounding non-Japanese people who loved the culture, mostly because of the behavior of "weebs"; ignoring the history and culture that isn't pop culture, fetishizing Japanese people, etc. I was so horrified of becoming that type of person, especially in native Japanese people's eyes, that I pushed down all of my interests. I pretended I never loved the culture, I stopped learning the language. I told myself it was weird for someone like me to have fallen so hard for a place like that. I told myself it was unattainable, but it never took away the pit in my chest. It just contributed to the depression I've had my whole life, forcing myself to stop loving the things I do.

Then, in late 2022, there was a trend on TikTok that started; "RCTA", you've probably heard of it; standing for "race change to another". This was my first exposure to the trace community. Everyone else hated them, so I tried to as well. But I'd secretly scroll through the videos, and eventually I stopped trying to conform, I came to terms with myself and accepted that this was what was "wrong" with me my whole life. I made a secret account, it was my first time calling myself Japanese. It felt weird since I wasn't used to it, but... good. Right. Who I really was. The same feeling as when I was first called by he/him, as a trans guy. There were a couple times where the hate got to me, and I convinced myself I wasn't actually trace and that it wasn't real, but it always bubbled up again. Because it's not a mental disorder, or a fetish, or something I'm simply interested in, it's who I am and always was. Everything finally made sense.

"How does being trace affect you?"

I can't say it's the best experience, but it's an undeniable part of me nonetheless. It's made many things hard for me, even though I'm more used to calling myself Japanese now I still get scared. When I make online friends, all I can think about is if they'll find out that I'm not native, and think I'm weird and leave me. Or if I call myself Japanese before or after showing someone my face, if they'll be able to tell that I'm not native. Japanese people often have a more "western" look than other East Asian countries, and many people who are ancestrally mixed don't look like their races at all. But it's still a possibility, sometimes it makes me wonder if I even deserve friends. If identifying how I want is worth the risk of losing everything. If maybe this is all stupid, and I should leave it behind. But every time I try, it just hurts so bad, that I'd rather be alone forever than be with people who don't love me for who I am. Although I've had people accept me before, and to be fair I feel this about a LOT of things due to just general insecurity. But I think things would be easier if I had just been born Japanese.

"Do you experience racial dysphoria? If so, how does it affect you?"

Yes, and it affects me pretty severely. Though I'm often too scared to reach out to anyone about it, because I don't want to look silly. Ever since childhood, whenever someone calls me my deadrace, I feel a sting in my chest, I get a headache and I start to feel cold and dizzy. The same feeling I get when I'm called a girl or my deadname. Even when I pushed myself down, I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep, wishing I had just been born as a Japanese boy. If I didn't have to do any transition, or learn any language, or move countries, or deal with all of the criticism. Things would've been so much easier. Regular people don't feel that. Weaboos don't have mental breakdowns over the fact that they won't ever be able to be themselves to the full capacity they desire. Even to this day, I look in the mirror and pick apart my features. My huge nose, my double lids, etc. the only things that bring me a little bit of peace is to focus on my features that do pass as Japanese, such as my pale skin. I just wish there was more research and awareness around diaracialism like there is with transgender people, because I know there's nothing I can physically do to make myself look more Japanese. I know, who I am on the inside, I'll never fully be on the outside. It hurts the more I think about it, I hate it so much. I'd give anything just to be reborn. Or at least not feel this way.

"What are your overall experiences with this identity?"

Well, I think I've already explained the majority of it. There have been many hardships, but there is also good. I've come out to people, such as my mother and (now ex) girlfriend. They both supported me, well, kind of. My ex was actually very abusive, I hadn't realized until it was too late and she leaked private information about me, including my trace identity. But honestly, I think it gave me the push I needed to stop caring about what other people thought. I call myself Japanese as if I were native, I have the culture and language all around me. I study whenever I can, although I don't have much time or energy because I'm disabled, so I make sure to be kind to myself while also fulfilling those needs. There are communities where I can talk to people just like me. Ever since I accepted myself, even if I can't always be open about it, I've felt so much more like myself. Although I won't pretend that I sometimes get scared and have doubts and run away, I don't regret identifying this way. Because I didn't choose it, it's just who I am.

I really hope this is helpful, I love sharing my experiences with people! Hopefully I'm not too late and this isn't too much, I'm kind of tired right now but I kept forgetting to respond to this so I made myself suck it up and do it (⁠^⁠～⁠^⁠;⁠)⁠ゞ

[rubbertig]

thinking about how laios definitely has a weird big weeb man crush on toshiro and its just tickles me sooo damn much

like hes so obsessive about wanting to know more about him and where hes from. he would keep shuro UP late at night with questions upon questions. and this is coming from LAIOS. the guy who has very little interest in people and things that don't involve monsters so its Very Telling

and i love how butthurt he is that shuro liked falin but didnt actually like him. like in that magic mirror comic where hes desperately trying to find an alt narrative where shuro liked him lmfao.

and now apparently in the post-end comics laios wants to take falin's place after she finally rejects shuro's proposal???

like COME ON?!!?!? you CANT tell me thats normal interest!!! LOL

but whats really funny is that im willing to bet that if someone questioned him like "hey do you have a thing for shuro or something?" he'd sincerely be like "huh?" and genuinely confused because im certain he doesnt think bout the implications of this desire in him even as hes saying he would gladly marry shuro if he were in falin's place smh

[nehswritesstuffs]

Ask game! 💋💥💞💫

Ooooh, yay! Thank you~

This got kind of long, so my answers are under the cut!

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

Yes! It's rare for me to not want to hear back, but I know and understand that sometimes you got nothing else to say, since I've been on that end too.

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

That would be TTOU Big Finish Snippet: Workplace Security [AO3] with its all of THREE KUDOS! *paper confetti* I really enjoyed writing something for The Thick of UNIT that was Jamie, Sam, and Bismuth. One of the great things about both Doctor Who and The Thick of It is the side characters and what they can bring to the story. While Doctor Who is able to access all of time and space with its side characters and give us more Human voices to lean upon for anywhere from an episode to a whole series/season, the side characters in The Thick of It give us a sense of just how many cogs are in the system and how big and far-reaching everything is, especially what the ministers and aides are cocking up. It's a reminder of all the banal shit in a government or other large organization and how much of said shit happens and yet you have to carry on best you can. Here we're able to explore all of those concepts in a short audio script fic that has no shortage of Bismuth attempting to figure things out, Sam being a sort of grounding force, and Jamie being... well... Jamie. my next-least at five is the beginnings of a rewrite of an old One Piece fic i haven't touched in years and i really need to get back on that bc i haven't touched the rewrite in more than a few months lol i'm too many dozens of thousands of words into the conceptualization to just drop it at this point

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

I'm going to answer this in regards to fan fiction only, since it has factors that don't impact published original fiction and vice versa. A tough one, but I would have to honestly say it's a weird combination of factors that can vary if certain criteria are met. Sometimes I begin to go through a fic where something's not up to snuff and I'll go "I'll entertain this for now" and it's lead to some surprising things. Part of this I think comes from cutting my fandom teeth with varying anime as a teen back in the 2000s. One of the things that I think makes sense when you think about it but we're easily able to take for granted is that one can utilize fandom as experimentation and practicing and figuring shit out. For some people, that's learning how to write a story. Others might know how to make words do things (wording is hard!), but they need practice at worldbuilding and storycraft. Some are trying to figure out how to stay consistent with a character, while on the opposite end of that, there's shit so silly that it can't help but be funny. If there's the right balance, then there are definitely things I can look over, but too many infractions clashing with one another and whoops Nehs out. There's also people who use fandom to practice foreign language skills in general. We see it often with weebs learning Japanese, but it also goes with people writing in English-as-a-Second-Language too. I've seen some really questionably-crafted stories that were rife with spelling and technical errors, but the soul of the story is there, if that makes any sense. They KNOW the characters, they KNOW what they want to tell, they KNOW how to get everything across in every possible way, and probably write really well in their native language, but in English...? They're working on it. And that's great! Part of me wants to branch out into that sort of thing one day, but the problem is that the communities whose languages I'm trying to learn are already very bilingual in English. But yeah... because all of those things were so weird and fluid and just desperately wanted in Anglophone weeb spaces FFN that it made sense to take what we could and encourage others when it came to writing about our anime blorbos. I dunno about everyone else's experience, but I rarely was in the middle of flame wars, so most of my fandom experience tended to be pretty cool. Also, having ESL family helps. It's no joke that it's hard translating everything in your head before you say it--some stuff gets lost in translation... literally!

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

In lieu of a mini book report like was common in my teen years (lol), I really enjoy the ones that take something(s) that the reader liked about the story/chapter and picks it all apart. It could just be that they really liked a line or exchange of dialogue, or mentioning how events are going and how that messes with the story, or using context clues to try to parse out what's coming next. Knowing what clicks and whirs and gets into people's brain is so interesting to me and I love getting that information because then that's stuff for me to figure out as well about my writing and how it interacts with folks. Bonus points when someone does it on a by-chapter basis and/or on older stuff! I do also appreciate when someone legitimately corrects me, lol, 'cause Lord knows I'm not perfect.

Anyone else interested in having me answer some questions as I avoid writing actual fic? See what other prompts there are here.

[baka-monarch]

Innocent

Part One

Trigger warnings: mention of death, vore, mouth play

Part 2

--------------------------------------

Tommy was sitting down in the middle of his familiar cage, looking out at all the big people that were walking around and grabbing other cages. He didn't understand why people kept screaming whenever a big person would grab their cage though, the big people were always so nice, giving him free food and water, and sometimes even things to play with- well, until one of the special big people in aprons take his new toy away saying it's bad. He kept watching the big people, listening to their conversations, just like he did everyday… but today nothing interesting was happening, no one was doing any funny things and it was starting to get boring to just sit here.

Tommy's boredom was cut off at the sound of a familiar ding. He looked up to the door and saw a new big person wearing a yellow shirt with really fluffy looking brown hair and- they were looking at him!! No one ever looked at him apart from the special big people!!! Tommy smiled brightly and ran to the front of his cage to wave at the person, excited and hopeful that he could finally have a friend! The big person gave him a weird look, and Tommy wasn't sure why they seemed confused- he was just being friendly. For now Tommy didn't think about it, or really, he forgot about it as the big person walked over to him and crouched down in front of his cage.

"Now what do we have here~" The big person smirked, showing off a few of their teeth, and Tommy smiled in return at getting attention.

"Hello! I'm Tommy!!!" He introduced himself, and didn't notice the look of confusion that crossed the person's face.

"Uh, hi Tommy- are you… are you not scared?" The big person asked, and Tommy tilted his head, a bit confused by the question.

"No? Why would I be scared?" It was true that most other people were scared when a big person talked to them, but Tommy still really didn't understand what there was to be scared of.

"O- oh uhm…." The big person's face changed to show several different emotions, and after a few minutes they picked up Tommy's cage.

Tommy immediately started to bounce excitedly. He'd been picked up! That meant they picked him!! Now he'd finally get to see where all the big people took everyone to! Tommy started to think about his mama, she'd been picked once too, but she hadn't been taken out of the store like Tommy was. He zoned out the conversation the big person was having with the special big person as he imagined all the things he'd be able to do with his new friend, like finally having someone to talk to!

Tommy smiled and kept looking everywhere as he was carried out of his home and saw loads of huge walls with square holes. He'd never been out here before, and it was amazing to see the blue blanket above with it's big light (didn't big people call it the "sky and sun"? He couldn't remember-). He winced a bit whenever a loud roaring shiny thing passed them, but was still amazed by all the different colours and how fast all of them were. He let out little gasps as he saw walls with bigger holes that showed loads of amazing items he'd never seen before inside. It was all so amazing! Tommy wished he could go run around and see everything- unfortunately he couldn't as the big person carrying him made a hole appear on one of the big walls and walked inside.

"Wooooaaaahhhhh, where are we?" Tommy asked as he looked around, seeing a very unfamiliar but just as exciting new place he was now.

"This is my home…" The big person answered, and when Tommy looked up at them he was a little confused by the look on their face, he couldn't really tell what emotion it was, but it definitely wasn't the happy look they had earlier. Hmmmmm… maybe they just thought it was a mess? There was a lot of big things sitting around in the middle of the room after all.

"Well it's really really cool!!!" Tommy shouted up, trying his best to cheer up the big person.

"I guess it is…" they let out a small chuckle. They opened the cage door, and Tommy stood up in excitement. He didn't try to leave the cage as much as he wanted to, because he knew he'd just be picked up out of the cage like what was supposed to happen! So he waited, and waited… and waited, for eh big person to pick him up? Why haven't they picked him up yet? It's been a few minutes now, usually he'd be grabbed by now. "You gonna come out?"

"No, I'm waiting!" Tommy smiled up at the big person, still waiting patiently to be taken out. The big person looked at him in confusion, and he just smiled back. They let out a sigh, and Tommy smiled as he watched their huge hand reach in and pick him up. He squirmed with excitement at the feeling of being lifted up high.

"It's just like any other tiny…." They mumbled and licked their lips. Tommy watched as their mouth opened wide and he could see all of their teeth, their huge tongue, and even the dark abyss that was their throat; he didn't fight as he was dropped onto their slimey tongue, only moving to reposition himself to be comfortable. He watched as the mouth slowly closed around him, and all the light left… he wasn't scared though! He knew big people did this to people all the time! Tommy was actually excited to see where people went after being put into mouths!

Tommy started to giggle as the tongue under him began to lick him all over. Throwing him around the small space and tickling him whenever it touched his skin. He whiped some spit out of his hair, then laughed as the tongue pinned him down and got spit all over him once again. He wiggled a little bit once he was moved around and now the tongue pinned him to the top of the mouth, he then soon heard a loud gulp behind him- then he finally thought of something.

"Big person, can I ask you a question?" Tommy asked, then felt himself get pushed into a cheek, he only squirmed a little bit at how tight it was, but was otherwise comfortable already.

"Oh- uh sure…"

"When you swallow me, will I see mama? She got put into a big person's mouth too, is this gonna take me to her or to where your mouth goes?" The child asked, innocently and curiously. He waited a long time for an answer, and started to wonder if the big person didn't know where mouths took people- but then was surprised when he was spit out into the big person's hands.

"Fuuuuu- frick, you… you're actually just a kid…" They said as they held the innocent child- god he'd almost killed a child- in his hands. Wilbur watched the small one look around in confusion then finally up at him.

"Why'd you spit me out?" It- no- they asked, and Wilbur felt nothing but pain and guilt in his chest. Did they not understand? Did nobody tell them? Did they really think…. Did they really believe that humans didn't kill tinoes when they are them? "Wasn't I gonna see mama?" Dammit morals-

"W- well uh, it's not time for you t- to see her yet?" Wilbur lied, he had no idea who this kid's mom had been, just that she was dead now if she'd been eaten.

"Oh… Oh! She told me to wait for her when she was picked! I remember, so I just gotta wait more!!" He smiled up at Wilbur and he felt his heart beat more.

"Y- yeah- yeah… you just gotta.. gotta wait…" Hold it in Wil, don't cry in front of the kid.

"I can't wait to see her again-" The kid (didn't they say their name was Tommy?) said then gasped "and now I can show her my new friend!"

"New friend?" Wilbur couldn't stop himself from asking, a little curious.

"Yeah! You!!!" Tommy smiled and Wilbur felt his heart crush to a pulp.

"You- you think I'm your friend?"

"Yeah!! Your the first person to be nice to me, big person!!"

"Wilbur." He cut in.

"Hm?"

"My name is uh Wilbur…" He was definitely going to keep this kid now and try to make sure nothing bad ever happened to them.

"Okie Wilby! We'll be the bestest friends foreva!!!!" And as Tommy said that, it solidified Wilbur's promise to himself to keep this child safe. He gently ruffled their hair with a finger, and smiled when Tommy laughed.

Yeah… he'd keep them safe...... And hopefully Dream wouldn't find out about them...

-------------------------------------------------------

Mcyt g/t list:

@trashpumped @lorie-the-little-ghost @encaos @i-am-a-weeb @wyforyu-gaming @5unfl0writ3r @colorfulsiren @moonmwah @iwasgoingtohellanyways @echoslime @wilbur-simp @trouble-off-grid @lilsyxx @smogs-0 @hello-world-im-snow

[weebsinstash]

Ignore me, but I'm Proud of you Weeb. It took a lot but you did it. I know it's easy to feel negative about the situation, but **please be kind to yourself** and remember you saw the warnings, didn't ignore them, and removed yourself from the situation that was making you uncomfortable. And that's a good thing. You did right by you, I hope that makes you proud too.

Now that the situation has passed and I look at it in hindsight, I knew something was fishy the entire time but was essentially bullying myself into continuing the interaction out if some misplaced uncalled for guilt. Like jesus st one point he said something like "I also enjoy video games" and i was like???? Not many "24 year olds from Florida" speak like that, ya know. I bounce back and forth between being midwestern/southern to being more formal and eloquent but like I at least? Don't structure my sentences like a fucking robot?

The entire time I was thinking "theres no way you actually want a relationship when you're telling me literally nothing about you like the literal most you're after must be nudes or something". and did you notice when I typed that paragraph at him about being sus he only answered the two specific things I had used as an example of basic details he wasnt sharing about himself, and he then offered nothing more, and even changed the subject to how I was typing a lot?

and even after he made that comment here I fucking am "explain to him why that's weird. Maybe he literally doesn't understand" so I think I quite literally said things along the lines of "if im typing a lot its because I am confused by what you want or are trying to do here" and just. Like im speaking to a fucking gradeschooler.

Like here's how I would like idk "in his shoes" kind of advertise myself to someone, or at least open up the conversation: "hi! I noticed we had a lot in common so I wanted to say hello and maybe get to know you a little better! :)" His opening line to me was literally "Hello.. What's good?" two periods bad grammar and everything. His speech read as very "English as a second language" to me which I only bring up because, YEAH HE WAS DEFINITELY CASING ME LIKE A SCAMMER, asking me my hours, my wage, trying to calculate my income!

Oh mother fucker! Him saying he's unemployed may also be part of the scam! "Oh im unemployed please tell me about your job and your wages because I'm looking around" LIKE THAT'S WHAT I ASSUMED? I really am too fucking kind sometimes. He was trying to figure out my income and my potential as a cash cow. Dude I work in fucking retail, you think I have money to send you?

But that's how these sorts of people get you, isn't it? They find out you're vulnerable or lonely or kind or all of the above and they make you attached to them and then suddenly "oh my god im in horrible debt and idk what to do please help me 🥺" or "oh no I had a horrible accident can you please send me money to help while I recover". It's not always so outright as simply asking to borrow money

Anyways. God. I guess it shows I'm always trying to be empathetic, if not to my own detriment. I've just been struggling so much for so long that I try to be nice when I can. People don't deserve to be miserable. Unless you're an asshole. Then you're on my list.

[feuervogel]

Recent media viewing

I decided to open up Netflix the other day and watch the Sandman adaptation. It's as good as everyone has been saying it is! And episode 5 has some gross bits that you'll see coming if you're paying attention (also, the nice black lady and her dog don't die, if you're worried about that). The Corinthian is EVEN CREEPIER in live action.

I spent a lot of time thinking "God, that actor looks and sounds familiar" whenever the Corinthian was on screen, but I looked him up and he wasn't in anything else I've seen, so I guess he's just got That Kind Of Face (or at least lower half of it, since he's got dark glasses on 95% of the time.)

While I was on Netflix, they showed me recommendations, as algorithms do, and I browsed the anime selection to see if there was anything to add to my (extremely long) watchlist.

I decided to watch Tekken: Bloodline, because deep in my heart of hearts, I love 2D fighting games. Not at all because I've been a JinHwo shipper since the early 2000s, nope. Anyway, it's a Netflix original, originally voiced in English. The voice acting ranges from fine (Jin, Hwoarang, Nina, Paul) to cringe (Jun, Xiaoyu) to comical (Heihachi), and for some completely unknown reason, Heihachi's assistant uses weeb-Japanese and says "hai" when she could say "yes, sir." (Like, this is the ONLY Japanese in the show. I'm not counting uses of sensei, because that's been borrowed into English as a martial arts term, or the time Paul says "Mishima Zaibatsu," because that's been in the US versions of the game since forever.)

Is it any good? It's not bad... It's basically the plot of Tekken 3, with references to 1&2, with Jin finding out about his family and Heihachi being a total asshole (I mean, duh). The character designs are weird, like their faces are too small for their necks and chins are too pointy, and somehow Jin looks like Heero Yuy in profile. I laughed a couple times (Paul (or maybe Nina): You two are friends? Jin & Hwoarang (unison): NO!) and may be on the way to shipping Jin/Hwo/Xiaoyu because they're ADORABLE.

When I got my new computer for Xmas, it came with a free 3-month trial of Apple TV. I didn't do anything about it until they sent me an email that it would go away if I didn't use it, then I signed up. There's actually a good bit of good stuff on there, so I'm keeping it for 4.99 a month.

Severance: suuuuper creepy SF mystery/thriller? where people can sign up to get implants that sever their work lives from their home lives so they can work on something so secret, even their work-selves don't know what it is. Season 1 ends with a massive cliffhanger that was extremely brave, because S2 hadn't been confirmed yet. (It is now.) It stars the guy from Parks & Rec and guest stars Christopher Walken.

The Essex Serpent: based on a book, apparently. Tom Hiddleston plays a vicar who lives out in the wilds in the 1880s or so; Claire Danes is a recently widowed paleontologist. Hiddles is utterly charming, as always; Danes is a bit flat, as always (I've always liked her, but she has about 2 expressions: confused and sad). There's a doctor who wants to date her, and her BFF/maid ALSO wants to date her, but she's only got eyes for the vicar (who's married, of course). Anyway, she hears rumors of a sea monster in the river and goes to investigate it, which is where she meets the vicar and so on. You can tell it's going to be a romance, but that part is somehow not compelling.

For All Mankind: space race AU where the Soviet Union gets to the moon first and NASA has to catch up. A lot of the real-world timeline is changed in ways that are good (space shuttles! moon base!) and bad (USSR doesn't collapse). In season 3, there is an extremely honest depiction of Gay Life in the 90s and of the within-group politics of assimilation or not. I lived through it (before I knew I was queer, or admitted it anyway), and it still punched me in the gut. We've made so much progress in the last 30 years that it's easy to forget just how terrible it was back then and that Don't Ask Don't Tell was the progressive compromise. It made me think about all the puriteens here on tunglr dot com and the stupid discourse about ~flawed media~ and ~problematique~ stuff. They should watch it and maybe fucking learn some history.

The end of season 3 is dfjhadkjghk;djkhgojwhjdfxhvjh basically and season 4 can't come soon enough.

[babu-haitani]

Hey Babu! Does this ask still count for the 900 event thing? Idk, you could delete this later if you don't want to answer it.

My personality:

I'm a procrastinator. I always do things last minute or either not at all. The reason why I rarely do homework in school 😝.

I'm a very bubbly person. Like I can't stay put in place cause I get bored too easily. When in class I always go to my friends sit and bother them with my teasing. When I'm bored at home I will go to my parents and just ask some stupid stuff. Nothing harmless. I also don't like seeing my love one sad so I always tries to cheer them up cause I feel like it's my responsibility? Idk it's a pride thing.

I'm also very affectionate. I love hugging and giving kiss to my family and close ones. Some of my friends says I'm weird for this but oh well. However, I only do this to people I trust/love. If it's a total stranger, yeah no. I'm more reserved.

This is quite embarrassing but I can't talk to boys. I always get nervous when a boy start talking to me so I always raise my voice a bit higher to sound intimidating but I never look them in the face, usually I look sideways. I think this probably because I have been sexually harassed when I was a child.

Ok this is quite fun for me. People first view of me usually as this hard working student as I have a resting bitch face. Then when they talk to me they thought of me as this naive, innocent lazy students cause of my bubbliness. My bestie however, yeah I'm a total dirty mind bitch 😂. Like I'm the one who scares their innocence by telling them about some fics I read and some kinks I found. I always tell dirty jokes to people I'm really really close with. I'm the reason why my best friends are more open to their fantasies towards me. Guilty as charge.

Hobbies:

Drawing. Yeah I know very basic. I usually draw anime styles and I draw people a lot. I'm a traditional artist who use markers as their medium.

Reading. I only read manga nowadays but I do enjoy reading books. And fanfic. I like drama, comedy and action genre the most. I however do NOT like romance genre. Drama and romance are different things my friend.

Sleeping. A nice hobby I must say.

Watching anime. I'm a full time weeb. I do like other animate shows. I prefer to watch series than movies cause I feel like with series you could explain more about the story. And yeah animate film is superior than real life films.

Ideal Date:

Whenever I think of date I usually imagine going outside. So I would love to go to an amusement park as a date. We could ride the rides they offer, play some games, going inside a haunted house even though I'm a scaredy cat and anything you do at an amusement park. I also would love if me and my date could get matching accessories as gifts during our dates. And also eat some food there. Like cotton candy and stuff. Then at the end we would take some pictures to remember the memory.

I would also love an aquarium date. 1) the place is cold so I don't have to worry about me getting sweaty. 2) It's a relaxing date but still a fun date in my opinion. Just looking at the fishies there and make fun of some weird fishes. Also me being me, jokes about wanting to eat the fishes😂. And we could also learn some new things so win-win on education and fun!

I ship you with... (WARNING!! 18+ ;)))

For some fucking reason...you go well with Draken

I know Draken is much more on the serious side but maybe the reason why I see you with him is that you remind me of Mikey which is adorable <3

Draken is your personal Alarm Clock and No I don't mean he goes and yells like a fucking chicken, NO!

What I mean is he goes to set alarms on his phone so he can remind you through messages or calls that you need to do something so you won't procrastinate.

If you're bored and you're with him? He's patient in not lashing out and telling you how stupid you are because of your stupid questions. He is a patient man.

You're number one supporter about your drawing hobby but he doesn't show it though, he is subtle about it but he shows it by sticking them on his wall <3

You also learned not to tell Dirty Joke with Draken cause he tends to tease you.

LITTLE SCENARIO: You were in Toman's Reunion and are bored as hell, you kept on playing with your boyfriend's hand as he talks with his friends, and Baji who is your partner in crime saw how bored you are. "Hey Y/N!" He called out to you, every single one of the Captains and Vice-Captains stopped talking and turned to look at both of you, including Draken. "Hmm?" You hummed as you continue on playing with Draken's wristband and ring. "What's the difference between kinky and Perverted?" Baji asked. "Oi Baji! Stop asking Y/N inappropriate questions!" Mitsuya scolded. As for Draken, he saw how your face changed into a mischievous expression. He knows where this is going. "Well...Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather while perverted is when you use the whole bird" You smiled innocently, Baji let out a disgusting laugh and you followed. Draken could only palm his face, the others laughing along with both you and Baji. The tall man stood up from his seat, dragging you to stand up. "We'll be right back" Draken noted before dragging you away. "Get that D, Y/N!!" Baji yelled, Nahoya whistling and Mitsuya slapping both their heads. "Draken! The party isn't over yet!" You whined, You saw Draken loosen his tie. "I don't care, you're going to continue your dirty jokes inside the car" He hissed, you felt your face heat up as you looked at his hand that was connected with yours. "Y-Yes, sir..." ;-)

[local-triggerhead]

[Theory/Analysis] The Motives of Each Eugenicist

Wow, look at me rising from the graves and dusting off this account after 800 years like it's nothing. Your Trigger hype beast is back baby, if any of you still remember me.

This post contains spoilers for both Gridman and Dynazenon.

Ahem. I want to make this post to gather my thoughts and better understand the antagonists of the show, as they aren't heavily featured and explored like Akane. It's just my own analysis based on what I can observe in the show, so some parts would be more vague and generate different interpretations. This analysis may seem obvious to some and not so much to others, but I hope it'll offer some clarity regardless. Tl;dr at the bottom.

The General Motive

It's pretty much given in the show. The Kaiju Eugenicists wanted to destroy humanity and create a world where themselves and kaiju can live and be accepted. They believe that the world is a better place as you're no longer being tied down by human bonds, granting you unrestricted freedom beyond even the laws of physics. This is their shared goal. However, each of them have separated purposes and things they want to achieve along with this.

Onija

Let's start with the 2 more obvious cases. Onija clearly stated what he wanted to do - kill all humans. How many times did he yell this out? It's kind of shoved-in-your-face. No other Eugenicists expressed this desire as strongly as he did. At the base level, he simply wanted to live. He was brutally killed once and was determined to not let it happen again no matter what. This is why "I thought I was dead" was a constant running joke. It's also why Onija had a deep personal grudge towards Gauma and humans, who were the cause of his death 5000 years ago.

Juuga

Juuga had a deep admiration for Gauma and looked up to him. Unlike Onija, he didn't wish to oppose Gauma, but to make an alliance instead. When the Eugenicists first appeared, Juuga said:

It's clear from this line that he wanted things to be the way it was 5000 years ago, where they were a group of friends working towards the same goal. He missed and yearned for that carefree time. The original Eugenicist group was the most important thing to him. You can see that he never fought with any other Eugenicists, but remained calm and passive towards them at all times. This attitude only extended towards the Eugenicists, as he had no qualms about killing anyone else for his goal, including the Dynazenon crew.

Even when Mujina stole Dyna Striker, the first thing that came to his mind was using it to negotiate with Gauma and get him back.

Mujina

These last 2 Eugenicists are slightly more complicated to pick apart, as they process things more internally.

At first, Mujina was very indecisive and didn't buy much into this kaiju thing. All she wanted was to finish it quickly so she could leave. She was lost in life and just followed the other Eugenicists around because she had no directions of her own. Then Mujina found Koyomi, someone who also didn't have anything going for himself and just plainly a loser in his life. He was someone she could feel related to. Mujina's attitude supposedly changed after she was tackled by Koyomi, but I believe this just pissed her off and only played a part in her personality shift. The other cause, I think, was Sizumu's encouragement, where she "realized that kaiju is all [she has] got" and that she had to take responsibility for her actions.

Koyomi came to play a major role in episode 11, when Mujina witnessed him starting to look for a job. The only person who she could feel related to was unaffected by the aftermath of the kaiju and moving forward with ease. Meanwhile, Mujina, who had just found her purpose in life, lost it once again and was now completely stuck, as the future where the Eugenicists could live and be accepted was destroyed. When facing such a crisis, one would seek to put the blame on something for all of their problems, and Koyomi just happened to be the perfect target.

Sizumu

Toughest one to crack here, but I'll shoot my best shot. In the beginning, he opposed the Dynazenon crew the least among the Eugenicists. He suggested against killing them, had the most interaction with Yomogi and Yume, and suggested Mujina to return Dyna Striker for seemingly no reasons at all. His main reason for not killing Team Dynazenon was to see more kaiju, and getting close to Yomogi and Yume was for his kaiju to absorb their emotions. However, I believe there was another underlying reason that tied his actions together. He was looking for an alliance.

Contrary to Juuga, the alliance he was looking for didn't only include Gauma, but Team Dynazenon as a whole. To understand why he searched for this, we must first look at what he was. He had an ability that allowed him to hear kaiju voices, which gave him a much deeper understanding of kaiju compared to the other Eugenicists. Due to this, while the others more or less thought of kaiju as a mean to create a world where they can live and be accepted, Sizumu would consider kaiju as his own kind, so much so that he had a severe disconnection with humans. He distanced himself away from even the Eugenicists, almost as if he only tagged along because they shared the same basic goal.

He didn't seek to understand humans, but instead for humans to understand kaiju. His goal was to create a world where not only the Eugenicists were accepted, but kaiju themselves were accepted. He believed that the world was better off like this, because, from his perspective, kaiju could liberate people from human bonds and offer them unlimited freedom. To me, this is rather hypocritical as he never understood why people tied themselves to these bonds in the first place, so he wasn't in a position to say what was better and what wasn't.

Sizumu was the only Eugenicist to mention this kaiju power and express his distaste towards human bonds. He explained this very early on to Yomogi and Yume, and why did he do this, you may ask? Why, to help them understand his views and create an opening for a potential alliance, of course. If his only purpose was to absorb their emotions, then that's quite a lot of unnecessary effort to make himself look friendly and approachable to an uncanny degree, especially when being "friendly and approachable" wasn't his forte. No, he was testing the water to see if he could get them on his side.

Then came an unexpected opportunity for him to determine once and for all if Team Dynazenon can understand and accept kaiju. He let a failed kaiju run free and distracted the Eugenicists away from it (with a tactic he learned from Chise) to see what the Dynazenon crew would do. Some people said that it's to test if any of them were kaiju user, and while that's possible, I think it's a little unlikely. Sizumu only observed them at 2 instances, first was when they started the search for the kaiju, the second was when their beam destroyed the kaiju. Unless the kaiju voices could tell him, there would be no way for Sizumu to know if any of them used Instance Domination, until the very end when Yomogi used it on him. The likelier hypothesis would be: he saw them searching for the kaiju > he saw the kaiju being killed > he surmised that kaiju couldn't exist peacefully with Team Dynazenon, and didn't seem to be particularly happy about it.

From then on, Sizumu decided that they couldn't be his allies thus no longer approached Yomogi or Yume. It seems that he arrived to this final conclusion:

And this is where the series itself left off. Kaiju simply can't co-exist with humans. They are irregulars to the human society. Furthermore, the freedom that they offer can't be allowed to exist as running away from society and real human connections is wrong, even if reality is ugly and difficult to face. This is what make the series similar to Gridman. However, unlike Akane, the antagonists of Dynazenon failed to realized this and didn't get their happy ending.

(A detail that I'd like to mention is that Sizumu was silent during the entire final battle in contrast to the other Eugenicists who were pumping themselves up. It was like he was saying, "Didn't want to do this but I guess you left me with no choice". Though silence can mean anything so it's not a concrete evidence.)

TL;DR and Final Words

This is so much longer than I thought and I really apologize for it. I just don't want to make anyone do logical leaps when reading this post.

Tl;dr:

- Onija wanted to live and had a grudge towards Gauma and humans for causing his death.

- Juuga wanted Gauma to join them again and for things to be back the way it was 5000 years ago. He cared for nothing outside of the Eugenicists group.

- Munija wanted a purpose, found one, then lost it again. She envied Koyomi for regaining his sense of purpose and moving forward with his life.

- Sizumu wanted humans to understand kaiju and a world where kaiju can set humans free from their bonds. Initially considered an alliance with Team Dynazenon, but concluded that them (and people in general) couldn't understand kaiju after all.

- Final message of the show: Go touch some grass and talk to humans you fucking weebs.

Misc

When using Instance Domination, the palms of the Eugenicists always face towards the kaiju. The only exception is the last battle where Sizumu's palm faced towards himself, indicating that the kaiju was inside him. I believe that it was located at the center of his chest, where he shot out that weird magical light beam. Just a small thing I find interesting.

If we want to take it a step further, I believe the seed inside him had already grown into a kaiju, but it was still relatively small until he used Instance Domination on it. Eerie, huh?

And this is more of the theory territory and leaving the analysis, but this could possibly be why he was able to hear kaiju voices. Chise was able to understand Goldburn and translated for him at the end, so maybe having a kaiju inside of you would allow you to understand other kaiju somehow? If this is the case, he would probably have had the kaiju inside of him since 5000 years ago.

There's also this big brain moment from a 4chan user. The resemblance between Yume and Juuga is kinda uncanny considering they're both obsessed with the past.

That's it boys. I'm gonna crawl back into my hole until next century, or until Trigger drops Edgerunners. 8/10 show, VERY underrated gem. Trigger won't stop saving anime.

This post but on Reddit:

[dervampireprince]

Don‘t mind your long post at all! It‘s very good to let it all out and express those feelings!! I hope you feel better after telling us about these things and well that’s a lot of trust right there. I hate it when people say that to me but I am proud of you for taking this step <3 I think it’s a good method to follow what your brain AND body desires and gets off on, it sounds healthy! I also believe that if you find someone you would like to have sex with, they will be the type of person to understand how you feel and what’s up with your body, you understand? Because subconsciously you are searching for somebody who accepts you the way you are and I am certain that if you trust your feelings and your gut that you will find that somebody! They will understand how you feel and who you are, I am sure of it <3

Also uuuuh my phrasing perhaps got a bit weird, I was already on ink‘s blog and was drawing some stuff for her, so I’m not her or own her blog I just Uuuh run around here on tumblr and sometimes draw stuff for people

Also hey it’s totally cool if you don’t wanna share your art!! And I totally get you not having any ideas what to paint 🧍 Also you‘re into anime/manga??? That’s so cool, maybe it’s already quite popular that you like anime & stuff on your blog but I have been only following you for?? A month? Idk my brain is a little mush right now, but it’s so cool! Are you still into it even after what happened or did you distance yourself from it? If not you could perhaps list your fav anime, if it makes you feel uncomfortable I analogise and ofc you don’t need to at all, this blog is supposed to be a space of comfort for you and nobody should dare to change that. Just want to say that you are good the way you are and if you ever gonna change, that’s good too. The way you are, the way you have been and the way you are going to be, all of them are going to be enough and fine in their own ways. Idk if you need to hear this but now you did <3

well it's out in the world now and no one's called me gross so far so hey. yeah, i think if i continue to engage with that content just because it causes a physical reaction, but me and my brain hate it then it's clearly not good for me because i just get upset with myself afterwards. there's definitely been some learning with my lately of okay what is a hard limit, what is a kink we like in fantasy but hard limit in reality, and what is actually a kink. that middle category was something i could never feel okay with existing but i'm trying to get there.

i've never mentioned it on here, but yes 11-14 year old me was a fukin weeb. and not only a weeb, but the only music i would listen to was vocaloid. i knew way too much about vocaloids. i drifted out of anime and haven't watched any in years and years and i always put that down to i prefer subbed but also watch things in the bg and can't do that if i'm reading subs. i never thought about maybe i have some bad associations with anime or other content i was consuming at the time but... oh boy you might be onto something. but yeah i'm cool to talk about anime. i probably will always say the original 90s sailor moon first because it was my first proper anime and butterfly effect from that got me into so many other things. yu-gi-oh (the original, 5ds and gx) because that was actually my first anime but i was a little kid watching tv and didn't know what 'anime' or that it was from japan. angel beats. first time i cried at an anime. rozen maiden, i'm such a sucker for the original version of the anime because i collected dolls as a kid and an anime with living dolls?? and a banging soundtrack of baroque pop?? yes please. and some dumb fun ones? space patrol luluco and inferno cop. real stupid but omg. i don't normally watched dubbed but i can't recommend watching luluco dubbed instead because it's comedy and the jokes land better and more suddenly if you're listening rather than reading. it's such a short little anime (literally each ep is 10 minutes) and barely anyone talks about it but its such a fun watch. same with the bizarreness that is inferno cop if you can handle really random stuff. both are little works by studio trigger (known better for: kill la kill, little witch academia, darling in the franxx, promare, ssss gridman)

and thank you for all that stuff at the end there. it's very sweet of you to say and idk to respond to compliments but ❤️

[doodle-dog-diary]

Saltober DAY NINE: Hobby

Original post here

Technically this is a hobby that is my own but yeah couldn't think of anything else to write about

(Warning: please do not talk to me about Yarichin Bitch Club. Do not play the YBC opening song anywhere near me. I WILL rip your throat out in a very unsexy way.)

Psst.

Come closer. Closer. Yes, that's it. I have a secret to tell you (tbh it's not so much a secret as just something I don't usually go around telling people, but I digress)

I read yaoi.

No, I didn't just go through a phase when I was like 13, I read yaoi as in, I'm still doing it now. Present tense and all. NO NO PUT DOWN THAT PITCHFORK I CAN EXPLAIN

I think I must have started when I was 13, maybe 14? When a self-proclaimed-fujoshi friend of mine introduced me to it. (I feel like back then every female friend I had was either already familiar with yaoi, or into yaoi. I don't know why, it feels like yaoi was like, an integral part of the Teenage Girl Experience)

I then discovered the amazing world of free manga reader sites, and no one could stop me from then on (except maybe almost getting caught once, but still). In those early days I started out only reading yaoi that was recommended on rec lists, in an effort to filter out the icky weird toxic bullshit (It didn't always work. Remember that opinions are subjective, and sometimes someone's memories of a thing may be tinted with nostalgia). I then learnt how to judge books by their cover with some degree of success (you can tell which works are more recent based on the art style. More recent stuff is less likely to have problematic elements, like abuse and rape being portrayed as romantic)

Ok, I know how this sounds, before you say something like, "but Doodle! That sounds like a lot of trouble! Wouldn't it be a lot easier to just, you know, read something from another genre?" I will say that yaoi, just like literally every other genre of fiction in existence, adheres to Sturgeon's law (90% of everything is crap), so it's not like I have significantly higher chances of finding something that is not crap with any other genre. I would know, every time I went to the library and picked out a YA novel (the sort geared towards teen girls) 9 times out of 10 it would be the same old "boring brunnette protagonist who insists that she's ugly even though she's not has two angsty hot dudes chasing after her, everyone looks like a model, also magic and werewolves" bullshit. So yeah, I'd rather take my chances with yaoi, because…

…Second, I…like pretty boys. YES I KNOW I'M AROACE THAT DON'T MEAN I'M BLIND,…also I'm a degenerate weeb, I just like looking at pretty anime boys, what can I say

Third, I've adapted. I've learnt to embrace that So Bad It's Basically Psychological Horror Yaoi lifestyle. I mean, if you can't escape it, you might as well just embrace it, you know?

Listen, man, reading bad yaoi may be an acquired taste but is an EXPERIENCE. Especially yaoi from like, Ye Olden Days. Those are a whole different level of fucked up. I could pick some random yaoi that looks pretty old, and the title would always be something that's really cute and cheesy, like, "doki doki first kiss" or something like that, and the mc experiences violent sexual assault within the very first chapter, without fail, every single time. That shit really fucks you up, man.

Also, I LOVE how yaoi mangaka will go, "you know what would be real fucked up?" and then go and draw a whole ass comic about shit that's fucked up. But potray it in a sexy way.

(Seriously. I just read one where it's like a collection of short stories, and in one there's a guy who's a literal pedophile. Like seriously. His friend asks him "what kind of girls are you into" and he deadass stares at a group of elementary school kids and says "you wouldn't get it" like no joke for real goddamn. Same guy goes and molests his little twink classmate not two pages later. The whole thing is portrayed as a cutesy high school romance)

Before I end this, word of advice, it's something I learned from my yaoi rec list days, some people will say shit like, "oh, go give Junjou Romantica a try…go read Sekaiichi Hatsukoi…trust me it's good…really the most wholesome romance story in yaoi history…" THOSE PEOPLE ARE LYING. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. I WATCHED JUNJOU ROMANTICA WHEN I WAS MAYBE 14 AND IT SCARRED ME FOR LIFE. SERIOUSLY DO NOT DO IT I AM 100% SERIOUS I AM NOT FUCKING AROUND JUST DON'T DO IT

[cupcakesmoothie]

I'm trying to flesh out Jamie Saccharine as character and it's difficult because I'm so worried about getting something wrong and potentially offending someone. So I'm just going to ask my questions here and hope that it offends nobody.

I promise all my questions are from genuine curiosity and not malice.

So, to start, I'll tell you about Jamie.

Jamie is the second son of Emmett Saccharine, a successful construction engineer and also founder of Rine Manufacturing (Which probably sells baking supplies, I'm not sure yet). Emmett grew up in strict household, so he doesn't want his kids to go through want he did and basically lets them do what they're passionate about.

Now Jamie likes baking, videogames, and anime. He is a weeb and can speak Japanese. He streams video games and also owns a bakery, which he doesn't really work in (Basically, his dad bought him a bakery but Jamie was like, I'm not about to wake up everyday at like 7am to bake bread. He does oversee the management of it though. He's basically the manager). He speaks in a flirty manner (Basically, he is one smooth motherfucker) and can be very convincing/ good at negotiating.

Jamie is also a gay black man.

Now, I have no idea how to write him in a way that isn't pandering, offensive or stereotypical. I don't even know how to bring it up when I'm writing. (I don't really describe skin tone when I'm writing and going out of my way to say, "By the way, Jamie is black." Feels weird and might be racist and I am so absolutely terrified of coming across that way.)

For now, I'm just writing him based off his personality (And that's the THING right? People don't have to act differently because of their skin tone or sexuality, sometimes they just ARE. But that could also be because they're not open about their sexuality yet and Jamie is PROUD of who is and he's actually in a supportive family.)

So my questions:

Do all gay people act feminine? (I looked it up and got pretty mixed results. Personally I'm not writing him feminine because I don't think he'd act like that but I don't want to get comments like "But he doesn't act like most gay people")

Do all African-Americans have that one accent where they say stuff like "Finna" and is it ok if I don't write him like that? (Although, I don't have a solid way I think he'd speak, aside from being a flirty bastard.)

Do I just need to be chill about this-? (I am always so worried about not getting it right and enforcing a bad stereotype or offending someone. I'm actually worried that me writing Jamie as black and gay would be considered pandering since he technically doesn't have to be. But I want to write him like that because I know that a lot of people want/need representation and writing all white characters is just, not fair and very likely unrealistic. I don't have to make my characters all white but it's just that white people are more common in media (which is a PROBLEM) and no one would get offended if you didn't give them representation because they specifically don't need it.)

[buri-art]

If you don't mind me asking, how come you're able to live and work in Japan (and China?)? Where did it al begin? I'm just really curious! Thanks!

I don’t mind, thanks for asking! Turns out I’ve been doing some advising on this topic lately. (Scroll to the bottom for specific advice!)It all began with Digimon…

I’ve always had a history of moving from one obsession to another, starting back with Barney the Dinosaur. Then when I was 11-years-old I found myself very curious about that weird Japanese show on Fox Kids, which looked so different from the Western cartoons I was so fond of. What I caught of it kept me surprised–my stereotypes about it were wrong, the characters and their situations were complicated, and plot had depth? What was this and why did it make me care so much??Well, once I decided I was hooked, I was hooked. Obsessed overnight. I needed to know everything there was to know about it, including the country it came from. Guess I better learn Japanese, I thought. 

That thought didn’t go away. I generally got obsessed with anime and Japanese culture, anything I could get my weeby little hands on. Wanting to know everything about Japan led to curiosity about China too, because if you’re going to stretch far back in the origins of Japanese culture, eventually you’re going to get interested in the big collection of nations and time periods known as Ancient China. (Stuff like Fushigi Yuugi and the anime rendition of Condor Hero sure helped drive that interest.)I stayed obsessed with Japan all through my teen years (and started Japanese study in earnest when I was 16) and I chose a college where I could start studying Chinese. It seemed like the natural progression in my studies by that point, but I guess other people thought it was surprising. Or they called me a traitor. (I can tell you now that lots and lots of people wind up studying both.)

Anyway, I went in to college with a pretty wide knowledge of East Asia, but studying it from all sorts of angles, getting good advising in school from nerdy professors, and studying abroad certainly made my understanding more nuanced. Going to a small school where it was easy to stick out also helped me get a good handful of work-study experiences and special attention for my particular passions. (It helps that a couple teachers were enamored with traditional Chinese culture, another loved Heian aesthetics, another wrote a dissertation about the production of shoujo manga, and another loved to give students free food. Now those are my people.)What most people find surprising was that even though I had a heavier course load in Asian studies, my major was Economics. I was concerned about finding work with only nerdy Asian studies, and I felt like I needed to save the world by working at an NGO and sacrificing my personal happiness for the sake of the poor and underprivileged. (I still feel like that, but thankfully there are more ways to support NGOs than only by working in them.) In my research topics I usually had a special focus on developing nations in Asia, and I made sure to get a good understanding of the whole region, not just, like, Edo period gay samurai fanfiction (yeah, that was totally a thing).Well, anyway, I never worked at an NGO. I went to grad school to keep working on my Chinese while keeping up independent Japanese study  (including the JLPT), then I worked for the one international company in my hometown doing stuff for their Asian side of business. It was cool if you had any interest in engineering, but I didn’t. I like culture. The weeb shit, as it’s known. All according to keikaku, I became a Coordinator for International Relations on the JET Program (it’s not all English teachers!), and had the time of my life in Matsue (my love for that place is seeeeerious). That’s when I took my wide knowledge of Japan and started getting deeper knowledge, by doing anything and everything, especially practicing naginata, tea ceremony, and competitive kimono dressing. (I like to say I broke the weeb scale a long time ago.) Even among CIRs, who all speak Japanese fairly fluently, I guess I was noteworthy for my nerdy knowledge of obscure pieces of local culture, and my enthusiasm for sharing it. That’s just me being my obsessive self, folks. But yeah, lots of JET Program participants are obsessive and eager to go out and experience things. Aaaahhh, my people. After that, I felt I needed more experience in China, so I got a teaching job (which is relatively easy to do, if you’re a native English speaker). Due to my work schedule and living in Shanghai as opposed to like, Wuyishan or even Hangzhou, I didn’t devote as much as to cultural classes as I originally planned on, but I did practice tea and martial arts throughout my time there, and I continued to work on my Mandarin and gaining obscure cultural knowledge, but especially gaining experience melding with society there. Although it was more overwhelming, I do feel much more competent with my Chinese skills now, and I still love a lot of the culture and have so much more traveling I want to do there. I can still nerd out so hard for so much there.Moving back to Japan felt like a very natural course of things. I know a lot of people who have been happy to be Japan-nerds from a distance, or do the JET Program for a while and then just go back to visit, but at least for now, I don’t see myself happy with only visiting. I have personality flaws, like being very inflexible, that make me work very well in a rigid society like Japan. I’m too used to good convenience stores to live happily without them. I enjoy speaking Japanese all the time instead of taking occasional opportunities. Also, my niche skill set is kind of useless in my part of the US. I did try to find work here, really. That being said, having niche skills means that when I’m useful, I’m super useful. Job searching from outside of Japan was a lot more challenging than applying for the JET Program (which any JET applicant can tell you is not a simple process, but once you’re in, you really appreciate how much they handle for you in matters of moving abroad). It was really, really nerve-wracking to turn down two very good corporate job offers in favor of a somewhat new hotel chain. I really wanted to enter the tourism industry because this feels like the only place (outside of academia) where I can use all my obsessive studies of mainstream and obscure but especially traditional culture, and where my gushing about how much I love stuff is actually useful. Plus, it’ll make use of all three of my languages, not just one or two at a time. I hope this will work out for at least the next few years, if not forever. I also hope that if I live in the US in the future to be closer to family*, then I’ll have enough industry experience to work in hotels here or start a tour company targeted at Asian clients. (*Family is the primary reason I still consider long-term life in America, and it’s a big one, and worrying about them is the hardest part about living abroad. Excessive humidity in a lot of Asia is another reason I might choose to live in the Western US.)But like, now my hobbies are my job. While it won’t be the bulk of it, wearing kimono and performing tea ceremonies is no longer something that makes me cool and special and unexpectedly useful, it’s going to be what I need to be professionally competent in (eeeeeeep). This is the kind of stuff that obsessive teenage Buri would have swooned to know, but also totally expected. Career-Buri is a little more level-headed about it and also very grateful to have these opportunities. So anyway, advice!!—If you think you want to do anything in China or Japan, START STUDYING THE LANGUAGES NOW. Yes, I know they’re difficult. No, there’s no perfect program. Whatever you’re going to use, just do it consistently. Fluency is not actually required for a lot of jobs, but hot damn, some language skills will help. (For reference, I passed N1 of the JLPT before starting JET, and passed HSK5 while I was in grad school. I studied for HSK6 while I was in China and would have had a 50/50 chance of passing, but chose not to because it’s not actually that useful for the price I’d pay for it.)–To get a work visa in either country, 99 times out of a 100, you’re going to need a Bachelor’s degree. Your major is not usually as important as simple proof of graduation. Many places will care about your grades, though, so try to keep them up. –Teaching is still the easiest way to get there. There’s a wealth of programs to recruit you, but I suggest trying to steer clear of places that only provide a stipend instead of a salary, or small dispatch companies with questionable reputations. The JET Program is probably the best way to teach in Japan because of the level of support you get, but I’ve known people who had good experiences on the larger dispatch companies like Altia or Interac as well. For more direct hires, there are English tutoring companies (like English First (EF) or Coco Juku) where you might have students of all ages, as well as companies that focus on very small children (where you’ll basically be a glorified preschool teacher). On that note, many kindergartens and other for-profit education companies (like what I did in China) will hire directly, but your experience can vary widely. Finally, you can also look into international schools, but your teaching credentials will be much more important. Any background in teaching, or TESOL certification, will be a boon to your application (and at some places, your paycheck). –All of these places will want to see that you are a dependable, flexible person. Getting experience abroad, being able to speak frankly about challenges you’ve dealt with, and showing a willingness to go anywhere and do whatever is needed will look really good on your interviews. I say this a JET Program interviewer; the people who displayed the most patience and maturity were the people we felt best about giving a high score to. Those are the people we like to send out into the communities. –As we like to say in the JET Program, every situation is different (ESID for short). That applies to every teaching situation you might yourself in abroad.–You don’t have to be a teacher (after all, I only did JET because of the CIR position, I loved it!!). But you’re going to have to be really competent in whatever else it is you’re doing. Headhunters, such as at Pasona Global (which has branches in many Asian countries), are really, really good to work with, but they are most likely to hook you up with corporate jobs in big cities. If that’s what you want, awesome. (I wound up finding my hotel through a Japanese job searching site specifically for tourism related work. Other industry-specific fields may have their own job hunting sites, possibly in English, possibly not.) Language competency will be a lot more important if you take this route. –If at all possible, STUDY ABROAD!!! Many people will get the experience they want doing this instead of dealing with the frustrations of working and residing abroad. It’s a good way to see how much you love it and decide if the frustrations are worth it. Plus, it really helps your job applications. –Even if you can’t work abroad due to your personal situation, PLEASE TRY TO TRAVEL THERE!!!! When you’re interested in another culture or a foreign language, it means so, sooooo much to be there, even if it’s temporary. I don’t just say this as someone who has chosen tourism as my calling (though I am more than happy to give travel advice), I say this as a passionate nerd. I feel you. I get you. You need this. –Back to studies and stuff though, if you’re going to major in some form of area studies or foreign language, it is difficult to get jobs with that alone. Consider double-majoring in something that will play into that, or which will open other career options. Money is kind of important, especially if you’re going to have to pay for flights across the Pacific. 

–That being said, study what you care about too. You know how oddly useful my elective class about Non-Western Theater has been!?!? And if something in anime catches your attention, for goodness sake, you’re on THE INTERNET. If you liked Jubei-chan, go study samurai, if you like Fruits Basket, go learn to make onigiri, if you like Mob Psycho 100, then go—well—um—go work out, being physically healthy is also important!!

Well, anyway, that’s long enough. Good luck to all you nerds out there!! KEN TANAKA LOVES YOU and all that good stuff!! 

[thatyanderecritic]

Question! Where in Raise wa Tanin Ga did you see the married life omake? I don't seem to see anything of the sort in the current scanlated english chapters. If you're talking about the 9.9 pixiv extras, none of those extras are about the pair as a married couple? They're all current or mostly current unless explicitly stated.

Hey there anon! Kai here. Now, I’m going to answer this question trying not to sound like the biggest, stuck up weeb (trust me, I’m not Q_Q). Anyways, yes I was refering to 9.9 pixiv extras. Let’s establish that A) we can consider them all as canon since there are no “AUs” or alternative realities comics and B) No, not all different times are explicitly stated. Yes there were some but it was mostly to give more background for the scene itself. It shown different age ranges from childhood all the way to their adult life (or current time as you see, anon). That being said, let me break down the married life scene.

Yes, I am referring to the first comic scene in 9.9 where Yoshino is giving Kirishima gifts for him to give to his lovers. While it’s not explicitly stated, you can tell they’re supposed to be married or at least in a committed relationship based on the way Yoshino is dress and where she’s seeing Kirishima off. First, let’s focus on that outfit.

Look at that yukata, that’s not an outfit a non-married woman would wear in a yukuza household. It’s also extremely out of place of what Yoshino normally wears up to this point. That is an outfit only the wife of the yukuza leader (making her the female head of the household) would be strutting around in the house. It’s also a popular outfit trope you would see when you see the image of “wife of a yukuza” as well. Seeing how this comic isn’t hardcore following the traditions of the yukuza, we can figure out that this is the “glamorous” version of their lifestyle as well, so it would be following the popular yukuza tropes. And before you argue with me that Yoshino was wearing that sort of outfit in the side story, it’s important to remember the context. Yoshino was in her maiden home. AKA, she doesn’t need to be married to anyone to be consider “the woman of the Somei household.” But it is important to be married in the Miyama household. She’s from the Somei’s house... not the Miyama’s house. Meaning it’s very improper of her to dress like that unless she’s considered part of the household.And we can already cross out that she isn’t wearing that for a special event or that they’re currently staying at the Somei’s household. For a special event, Kirishima would have asked her saying “Oh? Is there a festive going on?” and then that would be a different comic. But he didn’t and it signifies that this is something “normal”. And we can also figure out that it isn’t the Somei’s household because A) Yoshino stated her grandfather sent her those gifts and B) Why would Kirishima be going to work when he’s not at his home territory? Wearing that outfit is the equivalent to Yoshino going to Kirishima’s house and going “This is my home too.” Still don’t believe me? Let’s talk about location.

(Lol, here’s a picture I grabbed when I was double checking my knowledge on yakuza women)

In the comic, we see Yoshino seeing Kirishima off to work. How do we know? It’s the main entrance. Key thing: that’s the main entrance of the main house. Yoshino wouldn’t be loitering around in the main house unless she officially lives inside. If Yoshino would be seeing Kirishima off, it would be in her side house that she was lent (still be weird for her to wear that outfit if she’s still living in that side house too). It’s two different locations. 

Basically with these two visual hints, we’re suppose to infer that this is them already being in a committed relationship at least. And yeah yeah, you might think I’m looking into this deeply but I’m not. I’m sure most people can tell based on my reviews (especially in that Deathless review), I ain’t the type to deeply think or theorize about the story. And I’m most certainly not doing any theorizing for some manga like this. I’m just looking at this with the critical eye of a writer (and a critic) and being the biggest fucking weeb.