#I don't know why the Vikings don't do something about them

[incorrect-thuggory-quotes]

Thuggory: The Sharkworms are becoming quite the pest, aren't they? We should probably thin their numbers out. Hmm... should we have a Sharkworm Fishing N' Hunting Competition?

[hello-eden]

Never Hidden

Stephanie was bored. 

Bored

Bored

Bored

bored 

bored 

It had been a slow week. 

There was an Arkham breakout three weeks ago and they finally rounded up the last of them. there's always a few stragglers but everyone seemed to be checked off the list.

She wasn't assigned to any new cases and she's grounded from Missions outside of Gotham for bedazzling the Batmobile last month. It's only like another week but it still feels so long. 

She just finished her homework so now honestly she's just looking for something to do. She's honestly just messing with the bat computer until Jason walks in.

"What are you doing here” Jason says pausing after taking his helmet off, looking confused. "I thought you'd be off with Cass” 

“Grounded from outside missions” Stephanie replies turning the computer chair around “When do you get back in town”

“ Not even an hour ago” Jason says as he moves to her "What are you doing there, a case?”

 ��Nah” Stephanie says that she turns back to face the back computer “ I don't got any Active cases, I looked at a couple of in Active cases but ehh”

 “So what are you doing” Jason finally reaches her and stops to look 

 “Honestly just playing around with the controls and snooping” Stephanie pulls up a file on the bat computer “Did you know Damien downloaded his Cheese Viking game onto the bat computer”

“Really” Jason laughs out

“Really, see” Stephanie says that she shows Jason the file “OMG this has been on here for 10 months

 “Bruce didn't even let me download stuff he uninstalled Zelda when I tried.”

 Stephanie and Jason continue to chat and work through the files on the back computer or at least the ones they have clearance to access. Eventually they get bored and start Looking through the Security camera

The only person in the house was Tim. He wasn't really doing anything exciting but he was on the phone. They watched him for a minute just checking to see what he would do.

They were about to switch off when he started yelling at whoever was on the phone. Both Stephanie and Jason were startled. They zoomed in and turned on the audio.

“I don't have time for your shit Ras.” Tim basically screamed into his phone. 

Stephanie's a little surprised that Alfred didn't come walking in to check what's going on.

 “you're the one who messed up, so clean up your own messes.” Tim then listens to Ras on the other line speak. "if you learned you know boundaries and actually tried for once then maybe Dan wouldn't be trying to Stage a coup.”

“ Why is Ras talking to Tim about a coup?” Jason asked as he looked over to Stephanie with a raised eyebrow.

 Jason thought he'd been away for a while but not long enough for this to happen.  

“I have no idea.  Every time he talks to me about Ras it sounds like he'd Rejoice if he dropped dead. I didn't even know Tim had his number let alone that they talked.” Stephanie started trying to think of any missions or crises that could have happened for the two of them to talk. 

“ he does not get that from me, the entire want for power thing is entirely your fault.“ Tim pulled out a second phone from the bag beside him and looked to be texting someone else as he was listening to the person on the phone. 

”I'm texting Dan as we speak I'll figure out what's going on that would make your controlling ass happy.” Tim pauses to listen to the other end of the phone.

 “Good.” Tim rolls his eyes and then hangs up the phone. 

“That man does not do anything useful.” Tim seems to say to an empty room probably not expecting to be spied on by two bored vigilanties.

 What the hell was that both Stephanie and Jason thought to themselves.

[incorrectbatfam]

Damian being a gen alpha implies in gen alpha Jon too ...

[at a sleepover]

Damian, whispering: Jon?

Jon: Yeah?

Damian: Our planet is doomed.

Jon: Yeah, it is.

Jon: Wanna sneak downstairs for snacks?

Damian: Sure.

———————

Steph, as a Batburger cashier: Sorry ma'am, that product was discontinued months ago.

Jon: *secretly starts recording*

Margie: You didn't even bother to check! What kind of lazy service is this? No wonder the world is the way it is with your generation. I should call the corporate hotline right now and report you for refusing to serve a paying customer. See how you like it when you lose your job.

Damian: Hey Karen, she said they don't have it anymore. Either get something else or leave. Some of us have places to be.

Margie: And who do you think you are?

Damian, pointing to Jon's camera: The best friend of someone with 150,000 followers.

Jon: Say hi to the internet!

———————

Damian and Jon: *putting up hand-drawn posters around town*

Comm. Gordon: What are you kids doing?

Damian: Advertising our joint channel.

Jon: We're gonna have an epic Cheese Viking and Fortnite mashup tournament.

Damian: Proceeds go to the Wayne Foundation.

Comm. Gordon: *scribbles a note and hands it to them*

Comm. Gordon: If anyone asks you for a permit, it's on me.

———————

Damian and Jon: *huddled around the Batcomputer*

Jon: I think we should sort it by distance instead.

Damian, typing code: Good idea.

Barbara: What's that?

Jon: Our new website.

Damian: It allows people to report stray animals they see without the risk that comes with physical contact.

Barbara: Oh, cool. Carry on.

———————

Kara: What do you want to drink?

Jon: Mountain Dew. Dami, you want one?

Damian: Depends. Is it vegan?

Kara: *starts typing into Google*

Jon: Hey Alexa, is Mountain Dew vegan?

———————

[texting]

Jon: Dami, get on Discord.

Damian: Why?

Jon: Live-action One Piece streaming in the Gay Minecraft server.

———————

Jon: Ms. Kyle, check it out!

Selina: What is it?

Damian: TikTok added a set of Catwoman stickers.

Selina: Show me.

———————

Kate: I still think you are far too young for things like Instagram.

Damian and Jon: *snicker*

Kate: What?

Jon: Well, Ms. Kane, how should we put it...

Damian: No one uses Instagram anymore.

———————

Jon: *takes a 0.5 of him and Damian with Dick in the background*

Damian: You're in our BeReal now. Deal with it.

Dick: What's a BeReal?

———————

Damian, handing Jon a rock: I would like to buy this playhouse.

Jon: Too bad, the economy just disappeared.

Lois: What are you doing?

Jon: We're playing Society.

———————

Damian: Alfred, we're hungry.

Alfred, on the phone: *makes the thumb and pinky gesture and mouths "I'm busy"*

Jon: Huh?

Alfred: I'm on the phone, boys.

Damian: I think he meant this.

Damian: *puts his palm to his ear*

———————

Jon: Parkour!

Jon: *hops over a log*

Jon: Parkour!

Jon: *climbs a tree*

Damian: *recording*

Clark, to Bruce: That's one way to play.

Bruce: Mhm.

Clark: Do you ever get worried about, you know, how these kids are turning out?

Jon: Parkou—

Damian: Wait, stop, there's a bird's egg here. I wonder what species it is.

Jon: I have an app that can scan it.

Bruce, to Clark: I think they're gonna be alright.

[auspicioustidings]

Based on this. You are in Finland full of self-loathing and the 141 needs a fat wife if they want to win some beer.

You aren't exactly on holiday in Finland. It should be your honeymoon but since you caught your groom balls deep in your maid of honour you instead have used it as an escape from the country. You just cannot be around the people you love right now, can't have them all look at you with all that pity. Even worse is that some of them probably don't even blame him. Your former best friend is a size 8, perfect hourglass figure. Your former partner is trim and decently fit. They look like they belong together more than you and him ever did.

You hate yourself. You hate looking in the mirror. You hate how clothes fit you. You deserved it you think.

"Not a chance MacTavish, that's my wife!"

"Away and biel yer heid, I saw her first!"

"Actually I saw her first!"

"I outrank all of you muppets so I think you'll find that is my wife!"

It's a racket in the little cafe but you don't pay much mind, still just staring out the window and wondering if you could ever deserve anything. One of the servers comes to take your empty cup and grins at you, telling you in her heavy accent that she would personally go for the one with the mask since he's the biggest. You don't understand when you look around and there are a lot of locals smiling happily over at you while four Greek Gods of men are having a scuffle, moving slowly in your direction. More people chip in, arguing about who you should pick, some lamenting that they would claim you themselves if they thought they could.

One big man does try, basically some Viking God, but he's playfully (you hope it's playful) spear tackled by the man with the mohawk before he laughs and backs off.

When Gaz with warmed cheeks and excitement in his eyes gets to you while Soap is busy with the viking and Ghost and Price are wrestling one another he asks if you'd do him the honour of being his wife. You nearly choke, but he explains that the wife carrying competition is today. You look around, bewildered, ask him why he wouldn't pick any of the other women in here given that they are all gorgeous slim things.

"Fuck all use to us, need a nice soft bird with lots of fat" says the man in the mask.

Price scowls and whacks his lieutenant upside the head because he sees how you look a second away from crying.

"You're gorgeous sweetheart, he didn't mean anything by it. The prize is the wife's weight in beer though, so he's right about a little lady not being much use."

You don't know what to say. You don't know if this is mortifying or not given that everyone around you seems to not be looking at you with sneers or laughing at you, but instead looking with soft smiles that convey fondness. They think this is adorable.

"Dinnae listen tae their nice soft birds and sweethearts! I'll be a better husband bonnie. I'm shorter aye bit look at the power in these legs, naw going tae drop ye. And I'll split that beer 50/50!"

And then they're arguing. The four of them are arguing and trying to put forward a case to you about why they would be the best husband. When it starts to get raunchy, you fluster and stop them. But fluster is something. It's not self loathing. It's been weeks since you felt anything but self loathing. So even though you are sure everyone can feel the heat rolling off of you in waves at how bashful you are under so much attention from such attractive men, you pick one (the others are devastated but vow that you're only a wife for the competition, that after they should get another shot at convincing you that they're the best option).

And they do. Even though the man you picked doesn't win (gets DQ'd actually since you are heavy and he decided that you were getting over that damn finish line so the four of them took turns) they take you out for drinks after. You think you feel humiliated that they couldn't carry you a long distance, but you don't have time to sit with the feeling because they drown it out with how warm and giddy they make you feel.

They insist that they will compete next year, so you have 365 days to pick a husband. When you make a quiet comment about how you'll lose weight by then so they can carry you the whole way, they nearly riot as they assure you that they would be a shit pick for husband if they didn't spent the year getting stronger so they can carry you just how you are. Plus they'll not be losing any beer thank you very much.

By the time the next wife carrying competition rolls around you are a different person. You're wearing clothes that fit instead of trying to hide your body. You laugh and flirt back with the barista instead of assuming they are making fun of you by flirting. And you don't care if your husband makes it over the finish line, just that you have fun and laugh and joke about the attempt. Of course it's not entirely certain who that husband is yet, got to keep them on their toes after all.

[gayhenrycreel]

How To Train Your Dragon, and the trap of a bad faithful adaptation

spoilers for httyd, films and books

i hated httyd 3.

Toothless got reduced to a silly pet, Lightfury has a horrible design (i dare say misogynistic design, but other people have already discussed this), and Grimmel was so uninteresting that i legitimately forgot he was even in the movie a few weeks after watching.

the worst thing? its attempt at being a faithful adaptation.

unfortunately a lot of people don't know about the book series the films are based on. this is quite sad really because unlike the movies, the books increase in quality over time.

the end of the book series follows a sea dragons war on humanity, who have been enslaving dragons for centuries.

yeah so the books are about eugenics, slavery, and genocide.

the sea dragon, known as Furious, was the adoptive brother of Hiccup the Second 100 years ago. Hiccup II was murdered by his father when he found his birth family. its not too relevant to my point, but this father was the king of vikings.

now Furious is the king of dragons and is still angry about what Hiccup II's dad did.

my absolute favourite scene is Hiccup the Third, now a king, trying to stop the war by talking to Furious, hoping that he will understand that it was a singular person who killed Furious's brother, and humanity as a whole is able to improve. Furious cant bring himself to kill Hiccup, and sees his lost brother in him.

Furious has a bit of a freak out, saying its too late for the world to change, or possibly too soon. he concludes that its definitely not the right time.

this one line is why the ending is so good.

the dragons and humans cant coexist, because its the wrong time. just like Furious said, its not the time for coexistance.

the dragons go into hiding.

httyd 3, the film, tried to do this same ending, but absolutely butchered it because it didn't have a reason. it tries to justify it like "oh the vikings dont deserve dragons, so they all live in a cave now".

this completely misses the point.

in the books the dragons left because there was a mutual genocide happening.

in the films its because humans suddenly arent good enough now.

the whole point of the ending in the books is that its set in the past, and what was too soon back then is now the present.

so the whole book series has a message like this: "mistakes change the world. if you are a 'mistake' it means you stand out. this gives you the opportunity to help other 'mistakes'. it may feel like the world is not ready to accept mistakes (i.e, people who survived eugenics and saved the dragons no matter how much equality is viewed as a bad mistake), but now it is. those who are different can help the world accept difference. the time for equality is now".

the films ending is more like: "we are failures at creating equality and look what youve done the dragons (who are supposedly an allegory for various marginalized groups) have all left and the right thing to do was to outcast them all over again because you both have girlfriends now and Toothless cant possibly be a friend to humans while also apparently being in heat or something".

so... httyd 3 is a film about romantic relationships not only being incompatible with unrelated platonic relationships, but also so important that a marginalized demographic is unable to exist with another society because the king (who is literally just a regular guy with unexplained superpowers that ruin tension compared to literal mind controlling scaly mountains) has met a woman 5 minutes ago that he has barely any screen time with.

imagine how unhinged it would be if a real demographic cut off its ties to other cultures because a famous person got married.

this is extremely bizarre especially considering how the books had near zero romance (Hiccup has no love interest throughout the whole series and the focus is on love in general, particularly platonic and familial).

the weird addition of romance to the seperation plotline has no connection to the source material. the writers were just pulling this out their asses like 2017 tumblr arophobes.

the books do such a good job of showing that romantic love is a type of love, just like any other form of love. its there and its important, but its specifically important because it involves people caring about each other, which is also achieved through other forms of love.

its ironic because httyd 1 and 2 do this too. Astrid and Hiccup are important, yes, but Toothless and Hiccup are equally important.

why does the third film even exist? the answer is in Toothless or whatever they did to his character. hes silly but not respectful of Hiccup (he goddamn nearly electrocuted him to death and keeps trying to eat his prosthetic leg), hes clearly in heat or something and suddenly doesnt even give a fuck about the guy he has risked his life for multiple times (i guess hes in an alpha rut. you know how alphas get), and even visually there are signs.... of capitalism.

in the first film Toothless can be adorable. hes a panther, which of course is a cat. httyd 1 doesn't forget that a cat is still a predator, and Toothless can be terrifying.

by httyd 3 his eyes are bigger and closer to the front of his face. its kinda uncanny and is clearly to make him exclusively cute.

what happened to the big cuddly dragon that i was once told looks like hed eat other dragons?

hes no longer a character.

hes a marketing tool.

httyd 3 is a cashgrab. we can see it in Toothless becoming a sidekick. we can see it in the hideous weird beluga thing that is the result of normies trying to imagine a sexy dragon (come on guys, Cloudjumper is right there). we can certainly see it in, and i hate bringing this up, Dragons: The Nine Realms. that show need not exist, its literally just because its a popular franchise, which is actually quite funny because i only know about nine realms because of angry critics in my youtube feed screaming about it in videos that last over 2 hours.

if your spinoff is only known to critics who will gladly insult your show to death and superfans who by the looks of it are the same critics, there is a serious problem.

i knew something was wrong the instant i saw the characters dressed like ugly action figures. it only makes sense for Snotlout, he thinks he has perfect taste. this could have actually been funny if Snotlout was the only person dressed like a low budget furry and everyone was like "why the fuck are you dressed like that", but no, the people (children who will grow up to realise this film sucks ass and will despise it) want rpg video game movies that dont have rpg video games.

question for httyd 3. how did you get the idea to make the main cast furries? could you not hire an actual furry to design their fursuits? because fursuits are not typically that painful to look at and they certainly arent usually made of what appears to be plastic in a film set centuries ago which definitely has the resources to have textures other than plastic. ever heard of scalemail? it looks great in DnD art.

its almost like a dreamworks employee caught wind of the furry fandom but didn't actually look into it and in the process picked up something about horny dragons.

i have legit seen dragon scale inspired armour designs better than that as real life furry cosplay.

no one wants to see Fishlegs looking like some sort of very large beetle. its weird and doesnt match anything else in the movie.

httyd 2 had Hiccup with his own gear, textured leather and a wing suit that looked plausible and immersive. httyd 3 has everyone as weird beetles that could not possibly stay aloft because they are seemly wearing plastic dragon suits.

its like.... almost funny. it could literally be an avengers parody.

i want stories that have consistent themes. i want stories that follow their own rules (remember how httyd 1 and 2 involved actual research on flight mechanics).

and i want some respect for the furry artists that clearly were not involved in the fursuit designs.

[sadistic-kiss]

Use Me (Kinktober Fic)

Succubus Reader x Various JJK Men

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.Chapter Two.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

You crawled behind Choso, traversing over carpet and tile floor. Luckily he naturally walked slowly, some of the others walked quicker on purpose.

Now that you were inside the house you could hear the music much clearer. They were playing Halloween music and even had decorations up to match. Were they about to throw a party? When you entered the kitchen and saw the three giant kegs you knew that's what was about to happen.

That can't be good. You hope they don't kick you out, you were starving.

"Lay down." Choso commanded.

You looked over to see he was pointing at a giant pink fluffy bed sitting on the side of the kitchen. That was new.

"When-"

"Ah ah- I didn't say speak I said lay down." He pointed again with a bit more force.

You crawled into the bed and got comfortable, lying down as you looked up at Choso.

He cracked the smallest grin, "Good girl." He praised petting your head as you purred excitedly. He then stood up and went to the fridge, "Sukuna got it for you. Thought you might like it." He chuckled while searching for something to eat.

Even though he was talking to you, you couldn't talk back, not unless they told you to speak or asked you a question.

Honestly, it wasn't always like this. When you first met them they had released you from your slumber so you could help them find a curse. Between helping them or sleeping for eternity you chose your best option. They had aided you and you helped them. Killing whatever curse spirit they needed.

Everything was perfect.

It wasn't until you accidentally killed their best friend, then they started treating you differently. You told the man that he wouldn't survive and he wanted to sleep with you anyway! Who were you to turn down a meal!?

Food was food.

Apparently, you chose wrong and you shouldn't have done it. Human morals were so weird but you were learning bit by bit. They didn't like it when you hurt their people...only other people...bad people...the people they tell you to hurt....It was a work in progress.

Your body burned, bringing you back to why you were here in the first place. You released a light whimper staring at Choso as he scratched his abs under his long-sleeved grey shirt. Your mouth watered wanting to lick upon his stomach among other things.

"Quiet pet." He spoke without looking your way. He finally found something, pulling out a few things.

You pout, observing him as he moves around the kitchen cooking. About five minutes in you heard someone coming. You sat up excitedly hoping whoever it was would bless you.

Gojo came rushing in dressed like a Roman king with a leaf-like crown. He was talking on the phone.

"We are gonna need to get a new battery for the hockey table-oh what the fuck!" Gojo shouted.

"What?" Getou's voice boomed loudly on the phone.

"What the hell is she doing here!?" Gojo hollered while looking at Choso for an explanation.

"Why are you acting like I summoned her or some shit." Choso questioned with a twitch of his brow.

"Awww is it our kitten?" Getou cooed.

"No aww! She's going to kill everyone!"

"Did you want me to leave her outside?" Choso questioned.

Gojo glared at you as you gave him your puppy eyes and a little poke of your lip.

'Please don't kick me out please don't kick me out.'

"I swear to Tengen if one person dies tonight you will never come back, got it?"

You nodded quickly as Gojo sighed looking at Choso. "Where is Aiko?"

"She sent them away."

"What why?"

"She said they would have died if they touched her because of how minuscule their curse energy was."

Gojo smacked his forehead with a little growl, "Fuck I forgot about that."

"Forgot about what?" Sukuna popped in catching the end of the conversation. He was dressed up as a Viking, suns out guns out. Two knives clipped to his hips. Knowing him they were most definitely real. You wouldn't be surprised if the fur he wore was also real and something he hunted himself.

"Our problem pet." Gojo pointed to you.

Sukuna's face lit up as he saw you, his lips pulling up into a wide grin, "Aye~ look who it is, my little slut." You chirped at him as he got down, he nudged you so you could roll on your back.

When you did he chuckled while rubbing your stomach. You were so touched starved you moaned while looking up at him pitifully. You didn't care how degrading this was, as long as you allowed Sukuna to do what he wanted he was quick to give you a reward. He was sadistically twisted and just as needy. He also had a shit ton of curse energy to spare.

"You like the bed I got you?" He grinned wickedly while inching toward the lower part of your belly.

You nodded, leaning into his other hand as it cupped your cheek.

"Poor thing, must be so hungry." He clicked his tongue.

You blinked your eyes quickly, whimpering some more. 'Yes so hungry! Feed me!' you wanted to scream.

"I gotcha kitten." He got up going into the kitchen cabinet.

"Oi!" Gojo threw up his arms, "Are we not gonna talk about our problem?"

"What's the problem?" Sukuna questioned getting out two pink bowls with diamonds on them.

Oh fucking hell.

"We are throwing a party and if someone touches our pet then it's lights out!"

Choso finished cooking, plating his food, "Why not keep her in one of our rooms." He slid onto the barstool saying a quick prayer before digging in.

"No way." Sukuna growled, "I'll fucking watch her."

Gojo scoffed, "You just want to parade her around on your dick."

"Don't act like you won't do it too."

"Maybe, but if she kills too many people the elders are going to get involved and they're already up our asses as it is."

"Maybe we can let only those with a decent amount of curse energy in." Getou suggested.

"Hm~ Enough to survive at least a little bump from our pet."

"Oooor~ She can do what she did with Aika." Choso spoke while chewing.

"Fine fine!" Gojo looked toward you, "Anyone that you might accidentally kill send them away, can you do that?"

You were caught by surprise when the conversation shifted to you. From their back and forth, you realized they wanted you to be here just as much as you wanted to be here.

"Yeah... I can do that... but it does take some of my energy to do so..." you spoke while cocking your head to the side sheepishly. "...and I am quite...depleted..."

"What do you think I got these for?" Sukuna questioned bringing you the two bowls. Sukuna filled one of the bowls with water and the other with a few scoops of peanuts.

This again… it was their little joke that they came up with after Getou asked if you wanted his nuts and you agreed eagerly only to be disappointed when he gave you a handful of peanuts. You don't even need to eat or drink like a human does. All you needed was their attention and affection, but they knew that all too well. They liked you begging and pleading. They liked you desperate. It was all part of their sadistic ways. Toying with you and searching for your limits.

Sukuna tapped your bowl with a black nail, "Come on pet, go ahead and eat."

You sighed looking into the bowls. You were starting to question if you had any limits or if you were just that far gone.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.Chapter Three.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

Me to me: yes just some light pet play, mainly the leash and collar.

Sukuna: and I took that personally

[bemusedlybespectacled]

I'm not really a lawyer or lawyer adjacent so I don't always get what's going on when things happen in court with famous idiots, but I really enjoy reading your breakdowns of them. So please feel free to gush about your IRL Blorbo as much as you want! It's entertaining and (for me) educational. 🍿

Bruh he's just such a good lawyer, though, oh my God.

Also his wife is an environmental law attorney (basically a prosecutor against companies that flout environmental regulations), he has a garden intentionally designed to feel like Skyrim (including dragon skulls and a Viking shield just lying around), and owns two geckos and a "big chungus of a lizard."

But seriously, the dude is so good at what he does. And I don't think he's even 40 yet? But like, holy Jesus, the guy has such a fantastic understanding of the rules of evidence, he's got a fucking mental rolodex of citations to the rules of professional conduct that he can just pull out on the fly, apparently, and he does it all while also, like, subtly trolling?

Like, okay, the bit in the Perry Mason Moment where he asks Jones if he knows what perjury is? And he says it in this tone of voice that makes it seem like he's concerned about Jones possibly perjuring himself and is just trying to make sure Jones is aware of his options before lying on the stand?

I am 100% certain that that's actually a reference to when Dan Bidondi, Jone's "field reporter" who participated in the harassment of the families and is also incredibly racist, harassed one of the town officials by repeatedly yelling "do you know what perjury is?" and that he was "going to jail, criminal."

And the reason I think that is because he did something similar on the first day of trial:

That bit where he's like "will you talk to me?" The one part of the trial that wasn't filmed was jury selection, and apparently Reynal asked every single potential juror "will you talk to me?" before he asked any other questions. (I think it was supposed to build rapport? But apparently it came off as very odd) He's not actually asking Reynal "will you talk to me?" as a legitimate question, he's just making a reference to what had happened the day before, which is why Reynal flips him off.

Also his written motions are always hilarious to read. Even before I knew who he was, one of my coworkers at my old job (who got me in to Knowledge Fight) would show me his filings and they were always so wonderfully sarcastic. Seriously, look at this:

BECAUSE. HE DOES NOT. POSSESS. THE POWERS. OF PROPHECY. I AM CRYING.

anyway yeah i'm totally normal about him shhhhhh

[thelargefrye]

February Filth Fest : DAY EIGHTEEN : SIZE KINK … mature one - shot

pairing : norse god!seonghwa x greek goddess!f!reader

genre : smut, viking au, god of war inspired – so a mix of norse and greek mythology in this

word count : 2k

warnings : language, mentions of blood / fighting / weapons (swords, axe, bow and arrows, etc.), hunting for food, feeling grief over a loved ones death, long haired seonghwa in a half-up ponytail, seonghwa is mentioned to be bigger than yn

smut warnings : unprotected sex, size kink, seonghwa's got a breeding kink

honorary tag : @sanjoongie

after having traveled all over midgard with seonghwa and fighting for your lives, the two of you can finally settle down and have a moment together.

DAY SEVENTEEN ↤ SPREAD THE ASHES ↦ DAY NINETEEN

a grunt left your mouth as you were flung into a large tree. you stumbled to your feet, seonghwa swung his axe at the trolls that were around him. blood flown through the sky, some landing on his face as he kicked one troll away before rushing over to you.

his hand wrapping around your forearm and hoisting you to steady feet before swinging at another troll. a smirk decorating his lips as he gave you a side glance.

"come on now, y/n, surely someone who killed all of olympus isn't getting beat by some trolls," he says, the cockiness thick in his voice and you roll your eyes before slashing and stabbing at the nearest troll – the one who sent you flying.

"shut your mouth and focus on fighting before i kill you next," you said and seonghwa lets out a loud laugh before he jumping and hacking at two trolls and effortlessly cutting them down.

when the trolls were all dead, you and seonghwa stood in the middle of the clearly covered in blood before sheathing your weapons.

"well that was a little more excitement than what i was anticipating," he says, turning to you with a smile on his face. but seonghwa always had a smile on his face. "i remember seeing a river along the north trail, lets go wash up before setting up camp."

you nod your head and allow seonghwa to lead the way, following closely behind him as you walked down one of the many dirt paths in the forest. you notice that every once in a while, seonghwa will look over his shoulder to make sure you are still following behind. silently noting your quietness as normally the two of you are going back and forth with each other in a playful bicker.

"what's the matter?" seonghwa finally asks once you are at the river. the both of you stripped down from your bloody armor and carefully washing the blood out. there was nothing you truly hated more than bloody armor, such a disgrace.

you turn towards him, clenching your clothes tightly, "i was thinking about my family," you say trailing off and at your words seonghwa also stops his scrubbing.

his now doe eyes looking at you softly and you hate how he makes your heart flutter and stomach do flips. seonghwa only knows a little bit about your family from greece and olympus, how went on this journey of revenge for your family after zeus took everything from you. you guess his comment from earlier was making you think.

but think about what exactly you aren't sure.

perhaps settling down with seonghwa after this and finally living a peaceful life. but was that something you even deserved?

"y/n," seonghwa is close to you, his bare skin touching your own and it brings you out of your thoughts. you look at him with wide eyes, surprised by how he moved this close to you without you noticing and he easily towers over you. perhaps that's a benefit from him being a frost giant? "what are you thinking? tell me," he sounds like he's pleading almost.

"i want to live a peaceful life, but i don't think i deserve it," you tell him, a chill running over you as you feel seonghwa's hand travel around your waist and pulling you closer to him.

"why don't you deserve it?"

"i've done a lot of bad things seonghwa, killed a lot of people, gods, monsters."

"but you've paid your debt, stop living in the past and focus on now. you aren't in olympus anymore, darling. you're here with me now. i don't think hongjoong would want you to live like this, feeling guilty."

your eyebrows furrow at the mention of your dead lover. husband. you felt angry that seonghwa would mention him as if he knew him. without thinking you shove seonghwa away and the water around you two splashes up against you both. seonghwa looks at you in shock.

"don't you dare talk about hongjoong like you know him!" you feel the tears beginning to build up in your waterline, but not from sadness but anger.

"i lost him and our daughter because i was stupid! their deaths haunt me and i see their bodies every time i close my eyes. no matter how hard i try to move on i will always be haunted by their deaths and my mistakes, so don't tell me to not live in the past when that's all i can see!"

seonghwa said nothing as the two of you looked at each other. he was calm and collected while you were the definition of rage. heavy breathing, clenched fists, and tear-stricken face. his silence only made you more upset.

"i'm not asking for you to forget hongjoong and your daughter," he says after what felt like an eternity of silence. "but..." he trails off taking a cautious step towards you, "i want you to realize that you don't have to let their death weigh on you forever."

"seonghwa..."

"you said you wanted a peaceful life, well we can have one. we'll settle down at the small cabin and have our own children. you paid your debt, but you have to give yourself this second chance," he says as he stops back in front of you. his cold hand feels safe when he touches your own.

"i... i don't know," you pull away from him once more, turning away and walking out of the river, clothes and armor in hand as you walk back to the camp you two had set up at the clearing, leaving seonghwa by himself.

the two of you spent the rest of the evening and early night in silence. the two of you having traveled and been doing this long enough that you could do things around camp without actually talking to one another. seonghwa had went and brought back deer he hunted for the two of you two eat.

and so you sat at the campfire in silence, the smell of meat feeling your nose and cracking of the fire filling your ears. your mind still reeling from what was said earlier. seonghwa was right because he was always right. you didn't need to forget hongjoong and your daughter, but you needed to let their deaths not haunt you anymore.

your eyes flicker to seonghwa from across the fire, his own eyes already looking at you. he had finished eating a while ago while you were still picking at yours. he rolled his shoulders before standing up, walking over to you and pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. silently bidding you goodnight before he enters your shared tent.

you don't know how much longer you sit by the fire, long enough for it to die out on its own. you stomp out the remaining glowing embers before crawling into the tent and laying down next to seonghwa.

you think you made up your mind.

"seonghwa," you know he's awake, he always waits for you to join him as you do for him. "can we talk?"

he turns over on his back while you lay on your side to face him. your hand reaches out to take his, linking your fingers together.

"i want to live a peaceful life with you. i want that small cabin, i want our children – your children, i want to take in the wolves, i want to love you everyday that i am able to wake up next to you and after that. i want to try and let go of my guilt enough for this to happen, please help me seonghwa."

seonghwa gives your hand a firm squeeze before he's rolling you onto your back and hovering over you. you let him pin your hands above your head and you can't help the arousal that runs through you when he does it with only one hand. his black locks framing his beautiful face that his clean of blood and war and his eyes are filled with something. lust? love? something else perhaps?

his large frame bends down to kiss you, his hands groping your body as he removes your undergarments so you are now bare and fully naked before his eyes. you watch as he lowers his head and trails his lips down your body; licking, biting, and sucking different marks over your tattered and worn body.

"s-seonghwa," you moan out when he finds home between your legs and licks your pussy slowly and lazily. his eyes never once looking away from yours. he makes out with your pussy, kissing it and letting his tongue drag in and out of your pussy and licking up any juices that you leak. like he's a man dying from thirst and your pussy is his oasis.

seonghwa effortlessly brings you to your first orgasm before he's finally pulling away, but not before pressing one last kiss to your pussy. he once again towers over you, a layer of sweat covering your entire body but you happily wrap your arms around seonghwa to bring into another kiss. your taste yourself on his lips, but you honestly don't mind.

the both of you are breathless when you finally break away, "seonghwa, i love you."

"my y/n, darling, i love you more than you can imagine," he says spreading your legs easily and you can't help but clench at knowing is coming.

"seonghwa, seonghwa, please!" you beg, hands combing through his long locks and brushing them out of his face.

"you know... if we start now, i could have you full and breed by the time we get back to the cabin," he says as you feel the tip of his cockhead running between your folds. "i can just imagine it," he says, slowly pushing himself inside of you, "fuck– you would look so beautiful with my child."

you clench around him the more he pushes inside of you, back arching as his lips latch onto your breast and begin licking and sucking on your nipple.

this isn't the first time you and seonghwa have fucked, but for some reason this felt different. as he thrusted into you, your name leaving his lips and his name leaving yours, you felt full. you felt a warmth spread through you as his taller stature curled into yours and you wrap yourself around him to bring even closer – if it was even possible.

"fuck– seonghwa, i-i'm close!" you could feel your second orgasm coming and it only seemed to drive seonghwa to move his hips faster.

he gave you his smirk, his eyes glazed over with lust, "i'm going to fill you with full of my cum over and over again, darling, until your stuffed and pregnant with my child," he says and you clench at his words. seonghwa does only a few more harsh thrust before you are both cumming. you fill his cum slowly filling you up and and some of it even leaking out around his cock from how much it is.

seonghwa is breathless as he pulls out and quickly folds your legs up and stuffing any cum back into you. you can't help but feel a little flustered at how he that, eyes staring hard at your cum-filled pussy. you then begin to feel a wave of exhaustion rush over you and you are lazily pulling at seonghwa to have him lay next to you.

he lays down next to you with a small 'ugh' sound leaving his lips as he does. you cuddle up next to seonghwa, and you realize that before meeting him, you never would have done this. you rest your head on chest as seonghwa draws his fur cape over the two of you. you can't help but let out a laugh at how it doesn't even fully cover the two of you.

"i want a daughter first," seonghwa says quietly and more to himself than you. "i want to name him dal-nim. it was my mother's name."

"its beautiful."

"what would you name her?"

"idonia," you whisper back, reaching up to kiss his collarbone.

"loving one," is the last thing you hear before you close your eyes and let sleep consume you.

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network : @cultofdionysusnet @cromernet

[homunculus-argument]

Any time you come across a post that says something along the lines of "most people are/have/experience" about something that has never happened to you, that isn't you, or that you don't have, and you want to swoop in to inform them that this is incorrect because you have been excluded from this sentence, consider asking yourself:

Are you 'most people'?

Due to the way that language works, it is literally impossible to form a sentence that encompasses every single possible scenario of what is capable of existing. Generalisations are an inevitable part of making language function. If a statement is talking about people in general, it's safer to assume that they're only talking about the statistical majority of people and not every single individual specific case, and if it does not apply to your own individual specific case, it is entirely possible to just conclude that you are not the statistically most common case.

If someone makes a post like "why do people keep memeing about ginger men being ugly, like 60% of them would look like fucking viking gods if they grew their beards and hair out", and that isn't your personal experience, it's good to consider that perhaps you are simply not a part of the 60%. You do not need to pop in to say

"What about me? I don't look like that and I have no norse ancestry. I don't know how generalisations or statistics work, so why am I being excluded from the majority, as the literally only redheaded 25% asian mestizo I know of?"

[witchthewriter]

𝐁𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐬/𝐨 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞 | 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒆.

𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑴𝒆𝒕

⤷ female, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!  

Warnings: mentions of blood sacrifice.

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

・You see, hear and know things that others do not. 

・Some may say they are abilities or powers, but it’s something that you were born with. 

・Your ‘powers’ made you an outsider. People were afraid of you. Of your truth. At times your mouth spoke before your mind could think, and what came out wasn’t desired by those who had heard

・For many years you wished it away. You ignored your senses and tried to be like others

・But for the life of you ... you couldn’t. 

・Vikings are a spiritual people, and the elders were much more open to your thoughts than the younger people (they thought they knew everything, whereas as you get older, you realise there’s a lot you don’t know.)

・So you had never fit in with others your age. And that made you miss out on a lot of experiences. 

・It saddened you and your family tried to make up for it as much as possible.

・Because even though your father was an odd man, your abilities didn't come from him nor his line. It came from your mother's mother and so on. It always skipped a generation. No one knew why.

・But you relied on your family for a lot, and they too relied on you. You took great solace in the fact that you always had a home. People to go to.

・As you aged, you became even more powerful. So much so, that The Seer had asked Bjorn to go out and find you - to ask your family if you would like to be mentored by the old man

・Bjorn was hesitant, since he was now rising in ranks, becoming more of a leader himself. 

・However, the Seer had seen something. And Ragnar’s firstborn had to be the one to fetch you. 

・The ride took a few hours, yet you knew exactly who was coming.

・When the sound of hooves approached, you opened the cottage door and gave the lone man a warm damp cloth to freshen himself up and when he followed you inside, he saw that there was a feast waiting.

"We thought you would be hungry," your mother called. Her braided hair a tad messy from all the flittering about she'd been doing for hours. Trying to make your home as inviting as possible.

"Oh, thank you," Bjorn said with a genuine smile and wiped the snow from his clothes.

・Your mind made life both amazing, and horrid. You could be five steps ahead of everyone else, but then they all look like you're out of your mind.

・Bjorn ate with you and your family, getting to know them with grace and diplomacy.

・This was to be your last family dinner for a long long while. Your mother, and younger sisters had lit every candle in the house, arranging them specifically to honour the gods.

・There were even offerings that you and your father had brought in this morning. And you had seen two black ravens following you the whole while.

・The blood from the rabbit sat in a bowl on the altar. Each of the family had been blessed, by you. They had given you the honours of blessing the household as well. Leaving your mark on the home.

・Bjorn sat opposite you, a fingerprint of blood on his forehead. He was exactly as you had envisioned.

'Handsome' you thought, and then came the thoughts that were not your own, 'tough, adventurous, wants to explore.'

・It was one of the things that you were gifted with... You had only been around him for less than 30 minutes and you knew what type of man Bjorn was already.

・It's why many of the townsfolk don't like you.

・Even though they come to you for help, they want to be told certain things. But you hate to lie. And if these people wanted the truth - that's exactly what you gave them.

"So, Bjorn, have you received any word from your father?" Your own father asked, one of his large hands clutched around the wooden spoon.

"Ah well, here and there," he replied in his low gruff voice.

"I have always loved the stories about your father. Ragnar will be remembered throughout history!" You cringed at the obvious love your father had for Ragnar...

・After dinner, your parents kissed you, with tears in their eyes and your younger sister squeezed you tight.

"I'll see you again soon," you mumbled into her hair as you leaned down, hugging her back.

"You promise?" She said, looking up at you with wide eyes.

"Yes, I have already seen it." Well, you could stomach to lie to those you care about.

・Bjorn thanked your family and strapped your bag to the horse, while you had one last moment with your family.

・Releasing them, you walked out the front door, from the home that you grew up in, felt safe in. And you stepped into your future.

[skaldish]

Can I ask you your opinion about Asatru Alliance? I live in Italy and I'm starting to see some pagan organizations using Asatru Alliance as a trusted reference for Heathenry. I have my doubts, but it could be that something gets lost in translation.

And by the way, apparently Asatru Alliance reconstructed a day to celebrate Loki and Sigyn, the 31 of july? 🤔

The general answer I have here is to follow this rule of thumb:

Any American org that has the word "Asatru" in it is probably plagued by some bullshit, even if it's not the racist kind.

These orgs operate out of structures they inherited from their Folkish origins. Even if they are not Folkish now, most were established during a time when Folkish Heathenry was the only kind of Heathenry that existed in America.

One notable structure they inhereted was "whoever is in charge controls the narrative of Heathenry for everyone else." So if you want that narrative to change, you need to elect different leaders.

Even the Asatru Alliance admits it determines who it accepts based on whether the applicant is a "good fit" or not, basically admitting there's a norm of narrative-control in their ranks.

Having an authority control the narrative—even when it's a narrative you like—is antithetical to how Heathenry operates, where practices and customs emerge organically from people and culture, not from doctrines or religious authorities determining what's what. (We have a recent example of something new emerging in Heathenry, actually, in the form of Spongecake Day as a holiday for Loki.)

The Asatru Alliance is also basically the posterchild of what I call "Viking Christianity." They take the Norse gods and slot them into a Christian structure, treat the Eddas like holy books, treat the Hávamál like scripture, etc.

I don't know much about the holiday they reconstructed, but I do know many reconstructionists have a bad habit of treating the past as a doctrine to follow. Reconstructing the past can tell us a lot about how Heathenry was practiced in a given time and place, but using it as doctrine is, hilariously enough, very ahistorical—the Norse people didn't base their religion around what they discovered about their Bronze-Age forebearers, so why would we do the same?

Even if the Asatru Alliance didn't have the narrative-control aspect baked into their system, the org doesn't really strike me as one that understands Heathenry's religious architecture. After all, knowledge of Norse Studies is not the same as knowledge of theology.

So no, I wouldn't really trust them as a resource on Heathenry.

[viviuxd]

INNOCENT LOVE : a viking is in love with me! (Part 2)

SYPNOSIS:You are explaining to the Viking king why you cannot marry him, while you do so he agrees to join your belief and leave his gods, just for you.

PAIRING:Viking x Christian!reader

TW:mention of difference in spiritual beliefs.

Part 1

"What are you doing?!" You shouted angrily. Your hands instantly landed on his chest, pushing him back as you averted your gaze, noticing some servants present. You felt embarrassed for exposing your life in front of those people and hid your face, looking down.

Thorkell noticed your sudden change in attitude and chuckled playfully at your shyness. He turned toward your gaze and realized what was happening. He smiled mischievously and stood tall.

"Everyone, out! Our queen needs privacy," he demanded with a deep, powerful voice that echoed in the room.

You watched as everyone present left immediately, almost running. "I am not your queen," you murmured, glancing at him sideways.

"Soon you will be," he affirmed, grabbing your wrist with a firm grip that hurt you a little due to the force he exerted.

They took a few steps until they reached the throne. He let go of your wrist and turned on his axis to stare at you. He examined you with his eyes and then nodded toward the throne where he had been moments ago.

"Sit there," he demanded with the same dominant voice that sent shivers down your spine.

You were about to refuse. You didn't want to give hope that you'd accept, but neither could you decline; you didn't want to be disrespectful. Besides, Thorkell's gaze intimidated you. You were sure you'd have nightmares about him that night.

You climbed the steps leading to the throne. It was huge, imposing, and beautiful, just like Thorkell. You sat on it; it felt strange. You had always dreamed of being the queen of a nation, and now you had the opportunity, but you felt bad for disobeying God's commands.

You shook your head and clumsily got off the throne, embarrassed by what you had just done.

"I can't, I can't be the queen of Dantohira, Your Majesty," you apologized insistently, looking down in a gesture of submission and respect so that Thorkell wouldn't take it as an offense.

"Damn it!... Could you explain why you're forbidden to marry me?" He grunted angrily, one of his hands resting on his head, rubbing his temple.

You played with your hair, trying to calm your nerves a bit. "We're different... You believe in pagan gods, and don't take it the wrong way, Your Majesty," you said. "It's just that I am faithful to my God, my Lord, and I know that it won't please Him for me to join someone who doesn't love Him. Besides other differences..."

"Name them," he replied sharply, staring at you intently.

You sighed nervously, still not ready to have a discussion with the King. "I don't like your customs... I wouldn't like to marry a man who has several women, or a bloodthirsty man. I'd be in constant fear."

Thorkell approached you, this time respecting your space.

"You'll be the only one. I'll never look at other women, and if I do, I promise to gouge out both my eyes."

You chuckled a bit, charmed by what he had just said.

"That would be very nice, but... even so, you would still worship other gods," you looked at him sadly, noticing his attempt to maintain the marriage proposal.

"I'm not asking you to give up what you do for me-" You were interrupted by Thorkell's sudden action.

Thorkell turned around, leaning on the royal throne, grunting.

"Teach me about your God," he grumbled.

°१९*०°

"Then are you going to become a Christian now or something? I never imagined you doing something like this for someone, Thorkell." Tyr, Thorkell's younger brother, mocked him and his infatuation with you.

"Shut the damn mouth, Tyr," Thorkell growled, fed up with his brother's mockery.

"Brother, understand me, you've never been interested in a woman, and now you're doing these stupid things for a Christian girl. I'm starting to think she's a witch or something," he joked again, bursting into loud laughter.

"Anyway, that girl is quite pretty, I don't believe she's still a virgin... surely she's already slept with some lad over there," mentioned one of the guards who was close to Tyr. He was about to burst into loud laughter until Thorkell punched him, causing him to fall to the ground.

"Don't you dare talk nonsense about her, you useless," Thorkell growled as he kicked the guard's face forcefully.

"If she comes out of your mouth again, I'll knock out all your teeth, got it?"

Tyr grabbed Thorkell to prevent more blows, smirked mockingly, and looked at Thorkell.

"You see what I mean? You're more aggressive than usual, and it's because of that girl."

"Thorkell, you're in love with her."

[incorrectbatfam]

The batkids mess up in their mission and now they want Damian to accept the blame for them (Damian is the youngest of them all, Bruce will never get too angry when is the youngest apologizing) how the batkids bribe Damian?

Steph: Heeey Dami, I might've done an oopsie on that Croc case. Do you mind taking the heat for me so I don't get benched again?

Damian: No.

Steph: Oh well. Guess I'll have to eat all these vegan waffles by myself.

Damian: Never mind, I reconsidered.

———————

Duke: 'Sup.

Damian: What do you want?

Duke: Just someone to go to the arcade with tomorrow. I heard they have a Cheese Viking VR simulator.

Damian: I believe my schedule is open.

Duke: That's awesome! Too bad Bruce might make me clean the basement tomorrow after that botched stakeout.

Damian: I will take care of Father. You just make sure we are first in line when the arcade opens.

———————

Tim: I messed up the Riddler mission.

Damian, on his phone: How unfortunate.

Tim: Can you take the blame? I don't wanna miss Kon's birthday on Saturday.

Damian: You know my rate.

Tim: *grumbles and writes a check*

———————

Cass: Take my case?

Damian: I thought you already caught the suspect.

Cass: Wrong person.

Damian: What will you do for me?

Cass: Clean litterbox.

Damian: Deal.

———————

Dick: Hey, Lil' D, can you do me a favor and gently let Bruce know that Two-Face skipped town before I could get to him?

Damian: Your Rogue, your problem.

Dick, pulling out a kitten from behind his back: Okay then, I guess I'll take Mr. Fluffykins back to that cold shelter.

Damian: Hand me that creature this instant and I will talk to Father for you.

———————

Barbara: I need you to distract Bruce while I recover some files I accidentally lost.

Damian: *holds out his hand*

Barbara: *sighs and hands him a sketch pencil set*

———————

Jason: I need you to convince Bruce that the explosion at Port Adams was not my fault.

Damian: Absolutely not.

Jason: I knew you'd say that, which is why I came prepared.

Jason: *reveals a bunch of knives under his jacket*

Jason: Take your pick.

———————

Bruce: Wrong, wrong, wrong. Everything is all wrong and I want answers NOW.

Steph: *nudges Damian forward*

Bruce: Damian? Would you like to say something?

Damian: *glances back at his siblings before looking at Bruce*

Bruce, crouching down: Son, whatever you tell me, you know I'll always love you, right?

Damian: Brown's waffle mix was expired, Thomas lied about the Cheese Viking simulator, Drake's check bounced, Cain used the wrong litter brand, the kitten Grayson got was someone else's lost pet, Gordon's pencils were counterfeits from eBay, Todd's knives were plastic, and everyone failed their missions this week.

The batkids: *collective groan*

[audrey-carr1]

The Heiress and the Lady of the House (part 1)

Author's note: Due to a lack of Hetty x reader fics I decided to fix that. This will more than likely be a series! For future writings, I will take requests as well! Please don't be too upset with how i write because I'm still learning how to write for Hetty. We all know she's a simple yet complex lady. We learn as we go. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

warnings: fem!reader, hettyxreader

It was an accident when I stumbled upon the "Woodstone B&B "hiring ad". As a child visiting my grandmother, I remember riding my bike past the mansion. My grandmother used to take me trick or treating there, and the older woman who lived at the manor always gave the children king-sized candy bars.

After a near-death experience as a teen, I've been able to see ghosts. It began to happen on occasion before it became an everyday thing. I would pretend it wasn’t real and ignore every ghost I encountered. Unless they looked sorely out of place, I couldn't really tell if they weren't living anyway. Ignoring all of them had worked...at least up until I walked into the Woodstone B&B.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So is there a history convention in town or something?” I ask Sam teaches me the basics of the B&B website.

“Um no, why do you ask?” Sam questions nervously

“Because of the people in costume? Do you not see the Viking and Revolutionary officer in front of us?”

Sam gasps, “ Oh my gosh You can see them!?”

“She can see us?!” The two men ask.

“Am I not supposed to?” I asks

Sam quickly takes my hand and leads me into the living room. She has me sit and takes a seat in the spot next to me.

“What I’m about to say is going to seem absolutely insane,”

“Okay?” I say unsure of where Sam is taking this.

“This place is haunted, and everyone you see besides me and Jay are dead,” Sam explains

I didn’t mean to burst into laughter, but I did. How could something so absurd be true?

“My word what is all of this laughter about? Can you plebians be joyous outside of my napping hours,” a voice says

I turn to see a red-headed Victorian woman descend the main staircase. We both lock eyes and I feel as if time has stood still. My heart starts to beat a little faster and are my palms sweating? I could be mistaken but is that blush on the other woman's cheeks? "Can ghosts blush?" I ask myself

The redhead quirks and eyebrow before breaking the silence, “You can see me?”

Suddenly unable to speak I nod still looking into blue eyes.

“Hetty, this is (y/n). She is our new employee,”

“And she can see us? She’s not dead? How can you see us?”

Finally finding my words I reply, “I can see you, I’m not dead, and I’m not sure as to why I can see you but I can,”

“Did young girl fall and hit head like Sam?” The Viking asks

“I don’t remember falling recently,” I reply

“Have you always been able to see ghosts,” Sam turns and asks me.

“It’s a long complicated story, I’d rather not get into,” I say.

The redhead purses her lips not enthused by my answer. Soon I hear whispering of what I assume are the other ghosts.

“It’s okay guys, you can come out,” I say not sure of what could happen next.

Entering the room is a flapper, the Viking, the war officer, a hippie, an oversized Boy Scout, and a man without pants. My mind is filled with questions, but mainly I'm wondering why that man doesn’t have on pants. Before I can question his attire, Sam begins introducing everyone.

“There is one more of the main 8, his name is Sassapis, but we call him Sass. He’s out on a walk with Crash, our occasional headless ghost.”

“I see, well it’s nice to meet you all,” I say to them.

“Well go on tell us about your little cute self,” Alberta says “We want to know everything,”

“Well okay I’ve graduated college with a (insert major) degree, and my grandmother recently passed and left me with more money than I know what to do with. Which means I'm technically a heiress. I’m not sure I want to go into my field of work yet, that probably has something to do with my imposter syndrome. I’m an only child, my parents passed away when I was 19. Oh, I love jazz! I actually play piano and know almost all of the Jazz standards, my favorite pizza is pepperoni, and after reading a dystopian novel series I got into archery but that didn’t last long. Let’s see what else,” As I try to recall information I notice the redhead Victorian woman, Hetty looking at you. I begin to blush as I start my next sentence, “I was crowned queen at my senior prom, I love playing vintage Super Mario Brothers in my spare time, My favorite fish to cook is cod, I have a stuffed teddy bear named Daisy, and my favorite musical of all time is Hamilton,”

Isaac, the revolutionary war officer, scoffs and throws his hands up in exasperation while Hetty pats his shoulder while holding back a smirk.

“What about the juicy stuff, like do you have a significant other and have you ever killed someone?” Alberta asks.

“Oh well," I say a little overwhelmed, "I do not have a significant other, I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. To answer your other question, I have not participated in a murder at least not to my knowledge,”

“Sam you have to keep her! She’s perfect for the job,” Flower says

“Except for the Hamilton thing,” Isaac says off the side.

“Plus she’s incredibly hot,” Trevor says. “Not like Tara Reid hot but she’s almost at your level Sam,”

Everyone rolls their eyes at his comment, “I find it best if you ignore his comments. He’s harmless ” The victorian woman who's the name I've learned is, Hetty, whispers in my ear and I try to ignore the sudden butterflies in my stomach. I don’t need to add attracted to a ghost to my resume.

“Well it seems like everyone is on board with you being here even though you were already hired. Why don’t we go back and get some training done,” Sam says heading back to the front desk.

I go to follow her, but I trip over my untied shoelace. Before I can hit the floor, I find myself caught by a pair of soft hands.

Everyone gasps, and I can tell it wasn’t from the fall.

“Did Hetty just catch a living?”

-end-

A/N: Oh I hope y'all don't hate it! This is the first fanfic I've written in about 11 years, so I'm a little rusty. As I said before this is the first part of this many-part series. I may even add this to AO3. Tell me what you think! Until later!

[anomanlyarchives]

The Contract

A man was angrily stomping his heavy feet alongside the swimming pool, his undersized flip-flops regularly making a funny noise which somehow mitigated his intimidating appearance. He was, to say the least, huge. His body was swelling with muscles - strong, veiny arms, sculpted legs, and a couple of solid pecs protruding over a bulging musclegut. His face was not overly mature, but his big, although tidy, beard did make him look some sort of modern-day, fierce viking. However, just like his flip-flops, the tight briefs he was wearing did not seem to fit his frame entirely, largely exposing and highlighting his muscles.

As you may imagine, such a muscle beast did not go unnoticed. Everyone who was chilling by the pool couldn't help but stare at him, either attracted by him, jealous of him or simply despising his evident thirst for attention. What they didn't know, however, was that he was all but happy for all the stares he was receiving. Despite his striking appearance, he was trying so hard to ignore every single person who was looking at him, progressively walking faster.

The muscle beast finally stopped, menacingly towering over a group of young men around their early twenties. His eyes were locked on who seemed to be the boss of the little group, who had followed the big man's movements with a grin depicted on his face the entire time.

"What's with that look, sir? Something's wrong?", the young one asked. His group was giggling and whispering, not trying too hard to hide their comments about how ridiculous the man looked in his undersized swimming gear.

"We need to talk."

More giggling and whispering. The young boss defiantly looked at him for a few seconds before getting up with a sigh. "I'll be right back", he announced.

The man and the lad headed towards a quiet place, not so far from the pool. The big man looked around to make sure nobody could hear them. He was looking at the young one with a furious expression. "Seriously, man? I was with my family when I started changing! It's not fair!"

The younger one didn't seem to mind the scolding that much. Actually, even though the huge man was towering over him with a ferocious attitude, he didn't even seem to be bothered in the slightest. "Not fair? You signed a contract, kid". As he said so, a sheet of paper materialised in his hand.

"I know! But I'm fed up with your old body and your life. You said you'd only take my body for a couple hours at most, and you'd make sure I didn't need it to-"

"I don't remember saying that."

"You're a liar, you did!", the big man whined back, his deep, manly voice distorted into an unfitting lament.

The lad smirked and quickly read what was written on the sheet. "Even if I did, what's important is what's written on the contract you signed. And there's no mention about any kind of limitation for the swap. Ergo, I can take your body whenever I want. I couldn't give a fuck if your little family sees you transforming into a beast of a man."

The older man's face turned red in anger. "That's not what you said! You little-" he violently grabbed his former body, just to be repelled by a burning sensation.

A glimpse of malice flashed in the wizard's eyes, and his now young, attractive smile cracked. "Don't you dare to touch me, kid. I make the rules, and I can change them whenever I want." He was getting dangerously close to the stud, pushing him back towards the wall. They were facing one another, and their noses were mere inches apart. It was quite a paradoxical situation, as the much smaller, apparently armless kid was fiercely towering over that brawny beast of a man. "I could also decide to keep your body forever, and you could do nothing to stop me. Got it?"

The man gulped, and the young one seemed to enjoy it, as an amused smirk came back to his face. "Your friends seem to enjoy my personality more, too. They're wondering why you got so funny all of a sudden, you know? Besides", he ran his hand over the man's bulging abs, "everyone would like to be in your shoes right now. I know, maybe a little... too much. But, for a gay fellow like you, such a body is a blessing."

"H-how do you...", The stud stuttered.

"I'm not an idiot, kid. I could see it from the way you looked at me". The young guy suddenly grabbed the man's crotch. In response, the hunk startled, trying to hide his pleasure. It was no use: his dick was already fattening up, and his tight briefs left nothing to imagination.

"Bu-but... "

"No buts, kid", the wizard whispered in a seducing tone. "I know being older is boring and sucks, but... try to make good use of it, as long as you're in that enviable body. Look at you. You're a sexy, strong daddy. You can do whatever you want. You're free now, and with a spectacular body." The older man gulped as the wizard let him free and stepped back. "Now, go."

The muscular giant moved, heading back to the swimming pool. Before disappearing, he stopped and turned back towards his former body. "When will I have my body back?"

The wizard shrugged. "Erm... I'll need it until tonight, at least. And maybe tomorrow, too. I don't know if the guys are planning something for the next few days. Don't worry though, I'll give it back to you as your holiday ends."

The bulky stud hesitated for a few seconds. He then grunted and clumsily moved on, his undersized briefs hardly hiding his thick boner, and his large feet crushing his unfitting flip-flops.

"...if I feel like it", the wizard added in a whisper, a wide sneer on his face.

[jcalexandrewrites]

The more you travel Northbound in Europe, the more people become quiet and especially reserved. The most extreme example of this phenomenon definitely is the nonexistence of small talk in Finland.

Finnish people do not know what small talk is — it is nonexistent in their language, and some children only lear about small talk when learning English in school:

They were taught at school that they had to make small talk in English because foreigners do. And that actually they didn't even know about small talk outside the English lessons. (The last quote was taken from The Helsinki Times, but I could not retrieve the original newspaper article.)

Talking to fill up silences is not done - that's why sudden silences at Finnish receptions or other social gatherings can last for minutes at a time. Your Finnish companions don't mind the silence at all — why talk about something without having a good, relevant reason ? - but you might find it rather uncomfortable.

The same conversations can also happen in other Nordic places such as Trondheim, Tromso and the like, for that matter (that's where I encountered them myself), but I like those silences a whole lot better than constant American-like babbling — as if some people are afraid of the absence of the notes.

But not the Finnish vikings.

They let the silence be, so do not even try to fill it up with noise —

And never EVER start about the weather.

I think I need to move to Finland 😂

From Introverted Christian Memes on Facebook.