#I don't know why I didn't consider that
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Now I'm totally considering a Symphonia-style TWEWY AU. I'm not actually going to write that since I already have my huge witch AU still going, but XD'' Thinking about how the TWEWY characters would be used in the Symphonia world is kinda fun~
...though I wasn't thinking when I first placed everyone into roles, so I accidentally made Sho into Neku's dad, whoops.
Anyway, who gets what role under the cut, for those curious~ Just know that with all that said, there will be Tales of Symphonia spoilers, and I highly recommend playing it without spoiling yourself if you can!
So, the roles--and keep in mind, this is just based on where they'd be starting in the world/some of the major plot points around them, 'cause uh... there's not a good 1-to-1 for like any of these.
Neku = Lloyd Shiki = Colette Beat and Rhyme = Raine and Genis Sho (*edit: or Mr. H) = Kratos Shoka = Sheena Rindo = Zelos Nagi = Presea Fret = ...Regal?? (with his dead best friend as Alicia >.>'~) Josh = Mithos
Noishe gets to be the Progfox, and you'll understand why I chose that if you've read my witch AU.
And... I have no idea for past that. >.>'' Like I'm sure Megumi, Konishi, Higashizawa, and Shiba at least could be four of the five Grand Cardinals, but who the heck would be Martel?? And Yuan and Botta?? I almost want to say Kariya and Uzuki for that, but then that would mean... DX'
Also, thinking about it again, maybe Mr. H should be Kratos instead of Sho XD'' But it was still funny to think of Sho in that role :D'' I mostly thought of him first due to NEO.
#I think Neku would outright reject Sho if that happened#I was wondering why Sair said 'poor Neku' at first#I don't know why I didn't consider that#Also Shiki and Colette have the same English VA#so yeah <3#And sorry for getting rambly at the end there XD'#It's just fun~#......also Megumi would totally be Pronyma#And Konishi would be Kvar or Rodyle. I'm leaning more towards Kvar#Adding on: In true TWEWY fashion#I forgot Kubo#He can be Rodyle
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#calyrex#kinda never really understood or found out what was going on with this thing? dunno what they do or why#or why their head is so big. so much knowledge in there#i dunno. they probably have Some lore but i didn't invent it is for certain. they end up riding the horses at one point and that's#considered a whole different form? of those pokémon? makes me wonder if. they have any point in being separated?#if they're just objectively more powerful together it's like. WELL LIKE. nobody's even using these things anyway they're so forgettable#at least to me. i'm so sorry i just do not know anything about them and i don't think anybody else really cares about them#at least from what i've seen
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I thought I might try my hand at moodboards, too :')
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#aaaa these are so good hhhh#holy moly#it's funny I actually considered many of these as well#the Pieta and the weeping Mary#I tried to find a good pic of a trurifer to include the incense somehow but didn't have much luck#that one is perfect#the matching milagros/ex-votos for both is such a nice touch#I WAS SO CLOSE to putting that exact picture of Proserpina's thigh on Vasco's moodboard it was already there but got edited out#same brain cell#I don't know why but the golden field hit me in the feelings it has such Vasco vibes#and it's neat how both of these have a very unified color schemes but the center panel stands out#thank you! I didn't expect another set this was such a wonderful surprise hraah#gift art#dancing-coyote#own characters#Machete#Vasco
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Randomly consumed today by the thought of henghill cuddles, but like from a specific point in their relationship, like after they've only recently started laying in the same bed together.
It's something that takes them a long time to work up to; they both have nightmares, and yeah, Dan Heng is a Vidyadhara and he can heal himself beyond anything Boothill could accidentally do to him, but still. Boothill is made of metal now. He's heavy. It wouldn't take much, just a single flailing limb to cause some damage. He still gets up after Dan Heng falls asleep, and sneaks down into the guest cabin in one of the other cars.
But he'll lay in bed with Dan Heng until then. At first Boothill would always try to situate a blanket between them, because well. Metal isn't exactly pleasant to cuddle. But more and more lately, he's noticed Dan Heng keeps worming his way around their soft barrier and just kind of...rubbing his hand along him? Open palm up the curve of his side, across the planes of his chest, into the star-shape at his solar plexus, down the plates of his abdomen, back to his side again. Fingertips tap soundlessly against metal, or press into dents and divots, or smooth over old scars in the steel.
"Ya don't hav'ta do that, ya know."
"Does it bother you?"
Dan Heng's hand has already stopped, settling somewhere on the futon, neutral ground. Boothill clarifies that no, it doesn't bother him. But he can't feel any of it. He only knows he's doing it because he can see the motion out of the corner of his eye. Dan Heng doesn't need to go through the extra effort to do things for him like he would someone with a normal human body.
And Dan Heng goes quiet, just long enough that Boothill gets curious and turns to look at him over his shoulder. He has the cute little furrow between his brows, like when he's thinking.
And then he opens that pretty mouth of his and says, "That's alright, I think I'm doing it for myself, anyway" and Boothill nearly wheezes because wow, Dan Heng is almost never quite that honest when it comes to himself fdklsajlkd
Boothill cackles in surprise and asks point blank what he means, because what could he be getting out of that? Given the implied permission, Dan Heng's hand starts it's usual route again. Side, chest, solar plexus, abdomen, side. Boothill can practically hear him chewing on his words.
"I like that you're warm," is what he finally says, and Boothill suddenly feels like a bullet has just grazed something vital. "All the processes you run increase your temperature," Dan Heng's hand fans out across a span of steel and he holds it there, like he's soaking up the heat. "And your metal is smooth, it feels pleasant to touch," his fingertips move in circles, slip into a divot perfectly sized, rub back and forth. Boothill silently wills one of his cooling fans threatening to open up to stay closed.
"I like how you feel under my hands. That's all." Headshot! No recovery possible.
"...Suit yerself, then," and Boothill quickly turns back over before Dan Heng can see it in his face, how close he just hit to his heart.
#honkai star rail#henghill#bootheng#hsr dan heng#hsr boothill#pardon me I read a really really good porno this morning and was feeling inspired fjdklasjfkld#Look soft fuzzy super plush things are my faves- but nice smooth metal is so so nice too.#you know those fidget toys that are silky smooth material and they just have like a perfect little divot to rub the pad of your thumb into?#that's the kind of thing I'm getting at.#plus. plus!!#Dan Heng seems to dislike the cold. And we see why in 2.4 when he comments that the Shackling Prison is as cold as he remembers it.#And Dan Heng sleeps in the archive for a reason. he likes the sense of security in there.#it's a huge deal for him after being so violently hunted for so long#and I love the thought that Boothill reminds him of that. He's warm and he whirs and he's made of metal like some of the machinery in there#Dan Heng likes that regardless of whether he realizes why or not.#he likes to touch him. he just likes how he feels <3#and I think that would be something important to Boothill too because like. I don't think he HATES his body or anything.#but he didn't exactly get it under happy circumstances. and he does consider his human body as a toll that had to be paid.#he refers to any malfunctions as frightening to other people in one of his parlor car lines.#he refers to himself as a man already dead.#So I think it would hit a little harder than Boothill's prepared for to hear Dan Heng not only doesn't mind but even likes his body as it i#they're so sweet I love them so much uweh#hsr#dan heng#boothill
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I am wondering a lot about what happens in the 'ideal' scenario. You know, where Predathos only eats the Primes and the Betrayers and then leaves. Matt made the point about how divine magic was around before then and would be around after, but the source would change. So. What fills that power vacuum? How is there any guarantee that it is going to be better than what they have now? There isn't and Ludnius kind of admitted that, but what drives someone to that point? To the point where they care about the action, completing that action, but they don't care about the result?
#i don't know if i believe that he doesn't care about the result#this intense of a revenge motive seems off to me#he's too smart for that#but i also do believe that he hasn't thought about what's going to happen afterward#LUDINUS WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS#also you can see that the primes love mortals#that they love them enough to fall out with their family#it doesn't matter that they still consider them family#it doesn't matter that they don't want to kill the betrayers even though it's clear that the betrayers don't reciprocate#take the divinity that is willing to fight for you over the thing you don't know#okay i don't know i'm just rambing i'm tired#cr spoilers#cr3e102
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Day 13: AU / Fangame / Crossover
OFFtober list by @echothefreak can be found here.
#offtober#off fanart#off mortis ghost#off batter#off zacharie#off the batter#off game#batter off#the batter#zacharie#off (game)#off (mortis ghost)#animal crossing#drawing#digital drawing#fanart#I am not an ac player and honestly don't know why this was what came to mind. I did consider loz but it just didn't really fit. nayhow#it'd be kinda funny (?) if the batter ended up in another world to purify after the canonical events of OFF. again i don't know why I went#ac. ok thas enough tags lmao#(also my bad that the dialogue options are not great. I drew this near midnight and brain was scrumbled)
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i am not usually interested in dramatically canon-divergent scenarios because the canon story is what compels me, but i've been obsessed with this moment ever since i re-heard it during my second viewing. from the perspective of someone who already finished the story once and now knows the truth - this was wild.
WHAT IF?
#naruto#naruto manga#pan watches naruto#team ro#WHAT was itachi thinking#i mean it's clear that he makes this 'change of plan' because he's taken aback/alarmed by how much kakashi knows#and my assumption is he wants to find out where kakashi got this intel#but for real WHAT was his long-term plan?#it is no secret that i am obsessed with the kakashi-itachi dynamic and like. this is just wild to me#especially given the timing - hiruzen just died so like. does itachi even have a contact in the village anymore?#is it *danzo*? seems nuts but.#if it is then this plan is insane. danzo doesn't love kakashi but he does respect him highly as a shinobi/an asset to the village#and i absolutely do not think he'd be willing to let itachi sacrifice a piece that powerful#was itachi just going to keep quiet about this if/when the Leaf asked where their most renowned jonin went? was he going to LIE about it?#or does the fact that hiruzen is dead mean that itachi *doesn't* have a contact in the village he trusts anymore#(hence him showing up immediately after hiruzen dies just to remind the Other Three that he's still out there)#except he didn't expect kakashi to sniff him out INSTANTLY and now he's taking him captive because...???#i don't know why#to torture him until he reveals his intel source and then kill him?#except itachi DOESN'T want to kill kakashi. that's established.#'why not just kill me? if he wanted to...he could.'#that's canon and it's GREAT and i love looking back at that very early line from much later on#knowing it's one of the pieces that clicks into place for kakashi when he's considering whether or not madara's story could be true#but anyway. itachi DOESN'T want to kill kakashi.#but if he takes him captive and doesn't want to kill him - then what???#there aren't any good answers for this because honestly i don't know that itachi's entire backstory had been planned yet#(like i think i read somewhere that kishimoto knew itachi was technically on the villlage's side from the beginning)#(but i'm not sure if all the details had been established)#in any case i remain FASCINATED
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Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D
I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.
Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.
I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!
I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.
I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer
I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.
So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3
#I'm not leaving the fandom btw! Just realized it kinda sounds like I will but I won't!#Still got my fem versions and some animations to spice things up in case I feel less inclined to draw my resident skeles lol#To the people that reached out before this thank you SO much!!!#I know this is not gonna reach many people considering my leave but i deeply appreciate it<3#I wouldn't be surprised if people forgot why they even followed me in the first place with how long I've left this time Hhhh#There's some plans about commissions as well cause no matter how many times I fix this poor pc it keeps failing me lmao#And I wanna try my hand at it to feel less pressured and dependent on my academics :')#It's a scary thought and an even scarier process and idk if you guys will be interested? but that's for another post ig >:)c#muah muah ily all thanks for EVERYTHING cause I'd restart this blog all anew if I didn't have so many people that I'd miss around here >:'D#blah blah Yuri is back on her bs so get ready for some banger art!!#To any mutual reading this pleaaaase bear with me if I don't reblog your art immediately#cause I've been tagged on a few and I wanna give them five tags each at minimum and I don't know where to start HHH#If there's something specific you want me to see you're welcome to tag me In it but don't be discouraged I haven't gotten to it yet!#This is So long I'm genuinely sorry aughghg 😭
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Your silence on Yoongi drunk driving is deafening. Do you have anything to say about it?
I’m not sure what my opinion or view on the matter has to do with anything - I’m not a stakeholder whose opinion really matters, you know what I mean? I think driving drunk on a scooter was incredibly stupid and short-sighted, and I think he should pay a fine and have his license revoked, just like he would in the US if he got a DUI. I think exploring all the nuances of what type of scooter it was and distance etc. would just be to comfort myself and has very little to do with the severity or lack-there-of for the actual crime. Yoongi is an adult more than capable of accepting the consequences of poor decision-making and that’s really where I stand on it. I don’t love him any less, but he did something wrong and that’s all there is to it.
Also FYI - I'm a fanfiction blog, not a reporting and fandom updates blog. I definitely don't address or intend to address every single thing that happens in this fandom unless I feel like adding to the conversation. I can sort of understand wondering my opinion on certain thins, but this specific ask feels very aggressively worded as though I have somehow failed my part in fandom by not providing an official stance.
Also - I've been on a semi-hiatus all week, which is information that is easily accessible on my blog, in addition to me being very vocal about my move. So. There is that.
#idk i don't like the way this ask was worded so i apologize if you were genuinely wondering#also i did put halis happy agust on hold bc i thought it was inappropriate to keep doing it right now#so i'm not really sure what you want from me but considering this ask was just sent you didn't look or didnt care why i 'was silent'#i just like don't really know what your expectation for me is but i just write fanfic sometimes idk
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wait he's innocent it was the rats
#14dwy violet#14dwy ren#14dwy oc#is this considered a shitpost#im not putting the main tag in this thing but maybe Violet nation is starving so im tagging that don't mind Ren exploding he's ok#he's ok and got cheese (i don't even know if he likes cheese)#would a character do this -> no -> would it be funny it they did it -> yes -> that's enough for me#i don't even remember what made me do this or how my brain connected the dots (what dots bro???wtfff)#okback to my enclosure 🍖#ishouuld have a big sign everywhere that says NOTHING I DO IS CANON#Violet if she didn't get nerfed for the sake of the narrative /silly#do you see the vision <- totally not thinking straight#sorry i made you explode Ren i love you a lot#also the meme it's not mine the watermark is there you can search the name there are cursed things there tho#i was lazy to change the text that's why it says spongebob but i thought it was funny so i left it there#what's the tag limit hello hiiii:33 heyyy:3:3
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belldom because it makes me want to curl up in a ball and giggle and scream and laugh and cry and really just react in such a manner that is unfit in response to two middle aged men simply being gay
#i realize ive been incessant with the ships lately#but belldom will never get old#so consider this my lousy contribution to the cause. but it's a contribution nevertheless!#i keep saying “oh yeah the fics im writing” and “once i finish it i'll-” yeah uh i can't stick to a fic for more than a week or two#if i didn't have the attention span of a fly i'd be churning out fics constantly#but alas i must resort to photo dumps#i don't know why i started rambling but im stopping myself now#anyways#belldom#matt bellamy#dom howard#muse band
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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So, I recently watched Helluva Boss and as always I've been prusing the tags for it on tumblr to see what other people think about the story and characters.
Something that stuck out to me is when people say Striker is a hypocrite because he hates the Royals, puts down Blitz and Fizz for being with Royals, but he, himself, works for one. Also that his pitch he gave to Blitz about teaming up to take down Royals was all a lie.
Now, I'm not going to say he's not being a bit of a hypocrite, especially given how much he hates Royals. What I will say is that I understand why Striker wouldn't see it that way (besides the fact he has a seemingly desperate need to feel superior to other imps).
Striker wants to kill Royals--that is very clear. A huge hurtle to that goal is that they are immortal. The only thing that can kill them is Angelic Steel--something that is rare and expensive. Yes, Striker is supposedly a well known assassin, but it's doubtful he'd ever make enough money to afford Angelic Weapons without taking on extremely wealthy clients. The wealthiest would be those at the top.
We don't know if Striker has worked with Royals before. If we assume Stella was the first Royal he was hired by, that makes his choice to work with her make far more sense. Particularly when we take into account who her target is--her equally Royal husband.
Unless stated otherwise later, Stella must have provided Striker with his Angelic Weapons so he could kill Stolas. She doesn't just give him a single weapon, either. She gets him a sniper rifle, pistols, a knife and a rope so he can incapacitate Stolas and take his vast magic abilities away, rendering him helpless. On top of that, she is also paying him money.
Given Stella never brings up the fact he lost the sniper rifle, or demands he return the weapons she provides, this deal he's making, although hypocritical, is only a benefit for Striker. He's getting paid to kill someone he wants to anyway, and a new arsenal that gives him the capability to kill Royals afterward.
This is why I don't think his offer to Blitz was a lie. I think what he told Blitz is his long term goal/plan, and was simply offering Blitz to join him since he found Blitz to be somewhat equal to him after Blitz did so well in the harvest games. Once they killed Stolas, got Stella's money, they would turn around and start using those funds and weapons to kill more Royals.
The reason Striker doesn't see himself as on the same level as Blitz and Fizz with their relationships with Royals is because he sees himself as using Stella, where he perceives Blitz and Fizz as being used. It's true that Blitz gets similar benefits from his relationship with Stolas (if Striker even knows about Blitz using Stolas's spell book for his business, I can't recall) but given what Striker saw of their relationship, he would see Stolas using silly pet names despite Blitz disliking it and see that as Blitz debasing himself publicly for Stolas. Yes, Stella doesn't treat him with the upmost respect, but it's over the phone, without witnesses. Nor does he give her anything in return except a dead husband--someone he would have targeted anyway.
He sees Fizz as even worse because, to him, it appears Fizz has given up his own autonomy to live a cushy lifestyle. Yes, Fizz gains many benefits from being with Ozzie, but Striker views it as letting Ozzie take advantage of him, to let Ozzie treat him like a pet (which some people do, do to some imps). He doesn't know Ozzie loves Fizz--franky I don't think he'd believe a Royal could love an imp at all anyway.
Yes, he may work for a Royal, and take her orders, but he does so to pilfer more and more Angelic Weapons from her as well as take her money, all of which I'm sure he tells himself he will later use against her and the rest of the upper class. It's a business transaction that he actually holds all the cards in. Unlike Blitz and Fizz he doesn't have to publicly debase himself to get the benefits he seeks. At least that's how he sees things.
#helluva boss#helluva striker#helluva boss striker#i'm sort of lost as to why he wanted to work for Crimson#idk if Stella didn't pay him because Stolas was rescued#and he needs the money to relocate his base since now the gang knows where it is#im not even sure if he's till working for Stella anymore#since she called off the hit#sure she wants to kill him later but we don't know if he dicking around until she gives him the signal#or if the job is considered done and she paid him#and he's just working with Crimson because he wanted an easy win after his last huge failure#also his pistol might be Angelic give it has some silver on it#but he did seem to lose a good portion of his shit after his base was raided#but if he has the money#his job with stella is done#and he still has an Angelic pistol#maybe hes not quite as full of himself as he pretends#is a bit of coward and putting off killing the upper class because he knows they're so powerful#also Stella and her brother are stupid for giving a fucking assassin weapons that could kill them!#they just made their lives way more dangerous#like I know Stella is to focused on killing Stolas to care#but her brother whose supposed to be smart should have been angry at her for that as well as not thinking about the inheritance
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i know as a garrus fan i can't really talk and i don't want to cause a whole Dilemma but the artwork for the mass effect board game is pissing me right off because it's so clear 90% of the effort went into liara and then everyone else is just tweaked screenshots and they claim there's no use of ai but shepard's face doesn't look right either or it's cut/pasted off something
#granted if it's called 'hagalaz' then surely it's about dealing with the shadow broker and thus liara is the actual centre of attention#but at that point why not just use screenshots. like either they hired a professional artist to make this and that's their outcome#and therefore like no creativity or research. or they cheaped out and got someone cheap who didn't have betterment resources#or something in between. or they got crunched. but just??? i know this is petty but it's just irritated me as an artist lol#especially considering this is endorsed/an official product and such like what happened#mass effect#edit: don't know why i typed 'betterment' but 🤷
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thinking about @fantasyinvader's recent Dimitri post -
I think one of the points I'm not really fond of with AM and Boarmitri's turn to Savior!Mitri is how Dee shifts his attention from the Means to the Ends.
And sure, we have to think about the bigger scope - criticise to prevent the "Ends" means putting an end to the "Means" - but what about the ones who were sacrificed, or the ones who are and written off as "means"?
Kleiman dude really believed he was doing the right thing by chopping Duscur people (or at least putting them under the bus for something he and his lord did).
Boarmitri reacts to the "slaughtering Duscur people" strongly, and would have killed him because hey, you were slaugthering people down (or are responsible for the persecution Duscur people suffered and are still going through).
Savior!Mitri? Will put his execution on hold, to consider what Kleiman dude meant by "doing the right thing".
But, regardless of why Kleiman Dude thought was "right" or for "justice", the thing is, he still organised the massacre of several people and wrongly framed innocents to hide their involvment, which led to their persecution/massacre.
"But Lambert was removing our rights and privileges" sure, what does this has anything to do with Dedue having lost his sister to senseless murder after being wrongfuly framed for regicide?
"Kleiman Dude really believed what he was doing was right" and ? Tell that to Felix's mom, what's going to happen? People do things for all kinds of reasons, so what?
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Worst offender is, of course, Supreme Leader.
Boarmitri wants to cut her down to avenge the dead (and maybe stop the war?) but when Savior!Mitri finally hears her, uh, reasoning, he is resolved to kill her because that's her choice (uh) and it's their fate???
The fuck?
Sure he mentions putting an end to the war, but the entire "we have no other choice but to fight, because it's what she wants and that's the destiny we were born to", please no?
Hopefully the first sentence "end the war" exists, otherwise I'd really believe Dee makes this fight and final battle all about Supreme Leader (and blame fate because that's hresvelg grey for you) and completely ignores the people who are, uh, living in this Fodlan ravaged by war, the ones who died because of it or are still dying because that's what war does.
What about the ones who died? The ones who are dying (or are locked in a 5 stars resort doing zumba for 5 years) ? The ones who are turned in demonic beasts? The ones who are starving?
"We have no choice but to destroy each other... Such is the destiny we were born to."
who cares about casualties, let's agree to disagree about our Ends and blame fate instead.
:/
#character salt#who cares about namelesses? when you can blame fate#I know Dee's arc is about focusing on the living and living for himself#stop being blinded by hatred and all#but I think there's a difference between being blinded by hatred#and ignoring your previous feelings to only retreat under some#'we don't agree your path sucks''no u'#they're not talking about building decks for magic ffs#but about people living and dying#i might have read a fanfic recently but the parley from the game is still imo a complete joke#Savior!mitri is the element that brings the most Hresvelg Grey in AM when otherwise the route is mostly neutral#as neutral as a Fodlan route can be#Flayn to Dee 'people would have vivisected me if you didn't rescue me under 25 turns'#'yes but have you considered that they might have believed they were going to vivisect you for their vision of justice?'#no wonders why the nabatean plot is completely eluded in AM i mean even more than it is in the other routes#I could buy something like 'you had misgivings about my father but that didn't mean you could kill a bunch of third parties or bring them#in your feud!'#FE16
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards#among other things#but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY#I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR#OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE#THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT#why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time???#just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN#you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough#by attempting to go another route#you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully#and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do#and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY#you fucking DID YOUR BEST#YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER#YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME#it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc#YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME#MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK#if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out#had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier#they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions#instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such#you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive.#isn't that enough?#isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough??????#god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets#and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go#will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone
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