#I don't know who Im supposed to be

[thissliceofnonsense]

Can I be someone else?

I've made another post talking about the concept and main character, ummm... lets call them.. *looks up names that mean empty*

Cassia. This name is a variant of the Latin Cassiah. It means “futile, empty, or vain.” 

Perfect.

Okay, so the next step in my story writing process is to write a bit of prose so I know how to write the character, it may or may not end up in the 'final'. Who knows?

So here's some first draft prose:

I'm not a morning person. I'm not a night person. I'm not an afternoon, evening, or midday person. The sun rises and sets, over and over and over again, each day blurring into the next. My life passes me by and I watch with mounting disgust.

I hate being alone.

Nope. Let's try something else. This is very...meh.

Okay, how about a quick prose bit about Cassia choosing a paint color for their room with their friend, and when the friend leaves to grab something, Cassia realizes they don't have a favorite color, that they don't know who they are without someone else around.

(I want to make the disclaimer that I do not know how socializing works and this is inspired by a tumblr post so yea.)

"What do you think? Beige?" "Who are you and what have you done with Julie." I grabbed fistfuls of vibrant colors. "Something from here, obviously." Julie laughed, light and genuine. She was easy. So much easier to be around than anyone else right now. Julie never wanted to go with more than one person at a time. She never held a grudge or cared how you acted. She was just... there. I could slide into whatever behavior felt best and not have to worry about how actions argued in my head. Julie pointed to a purple that would've made my mother puke. "How about this one?" "My parents will go insane." "Well, you're an adult now, you can make your own choices." "Wow, wow, wow, quite the rebel." Julie laughed again. "No, not really." She held my choices, glancing at each for a few moments. "What's your favorite color?" "Purple." Julie shook her head. "That's my favorite color, silly. What's yours?" "Purple." "Pfft. Okay." We spent a while picking out differing colors. Julie, the only artist of our friend group, talked about how different shades could look different in different applications and how to pair colors. It was nice to listen to her talk. She liked being listened to, to have someone to laugh with, and I could be that person for her. I asked her questions about the colors and her art and if she had any paintings I could hang up. "A Julie masterpiece!" Julie stopped short and looked at her phone. "Ah, sorry. I have to go." I winced. "Oh. Okay. Bye then." She walked a few steps, before turning around. "Thanks, by the way, for not talking about it. I'll let you know when - when the date is, okay?" I nodded. "And pick YOUR favorite color. Okay? Not mine." And she was gone. I sighed, making a mental note to text her pictures of the color I chose and to ask her questions about the best compliments for it. She needed the distraction. I looked at the different colors in my hand. Would Julie be suspicious if I went with the colors she liked? Perhaps she would feel validated that her choices were picked? I put the purple away. She said to pick my favorite color. I stepped away from the choices and looked at them from afar. They blurred together in a swirl of shades and vibrance. My favorite color? When I was five, it was red because my parents thought it meant strength. When I was twelve, it was green because my sibling liked the way sunlight filtered through forest leaves. When I was eighteen, it was purple, because my only friend thought it was the most perfect color in existence. Not that she would be my friend for much longer. She had her suspicions now, it wouldn't be much longer before she said the same things, as they all did. "You don't make decisions for yourself. Stop being a suck up. You just want attention. Be yourself. You're too fake." And they were all right. I didn't have a favorite color. They all felt the same. Static.

Eh. How was that?

Anywho, next up is the backstory moments!

i wonder if magic is real, but only in a really mundane way.

when i was little i could almost inerringly switch back to disney channel right as the ads ended when i was channel surfing.

maybe youve never accidentally crushed a ladybug underfoot. maybe your microwave popcorn never burns. maybe you can spin around lots and lots of times before you get dizzy.

is that magic??

honestly im not sure if these are magic or just small, invisible skills. im not sure which i like better.

[hinamie]

siren!megumi concept sheet i whipped up in a single-minded fever state fr @uriekukistan

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

[lucyshypemaster]

we genuinely need more platonic male-female relationships like the one brynne and aiden have

[volivolition]

DAY 4: DRAMA - Put on your prettiest face for the masses!

gonna start adding silly captions actually. [POINTS ACCUSINGLY] MELTY FUCK (AFFECTIONATE)!!

[angelicdonuts]

Guys I'm so sorry (I'm not) I love fnf soooo much dude

Anyway!! There's one more after this! It's gonna be oc focused :3 !

[nekoning]

even after all this time...he's so careful and gentle with him i- please that's love right there you can't convince me otherwise

[housederiva]

[naamahdarling]

Augh

[angelsdean]

ok did i just imagine this or. didn't jensen or misha say at one point they used to go for drives around vancouver between filming and have like deep life conversations ?? bc i gotta be honest that was the first thing i thought of when i read that quote from danneel abt how she and jensen bonded over having deep life conversations on their way to and from set while filming Ten Inch Hero.

[soupbtch]

ummm. my fic is done.

[jils-things]

by the lighthouse.

dividers

[tsunael]

what maintenance does to a mf

[the-implications]

here r some of my baulkins (billpaulemma) hcs because i can't stop thinking about them

paul, a lowkey (highkey) filmbro, drags his partners with him to the theater to watch EVERY new film that comes out. he brings a notebook w him to take notes and emma and bill r extremely supportive of how passionate he is about film and let him rant about it afterwards

bill LOVES to bake, (he used to bake a lot for alice before the divorce) so ofc he bakes any and everything for his partners whenever they want.

emma, the traveller of the trio, plans road trips every once in awhile, making sure to add stops in places she thinks bill and paul would be interested in going :) she finds she enjoys travelling with them just as much as she did alone (maybe even better)

paul is a board game enthusiast, so his partners spend a lot of time learning how to play very specific board games for their hangouts :3

bill is THE designated driver. he vowed to stay sober after alice was born because he dealt with an alcoholic father, so he's been sober ever since. he'll drive paul & emma around if they drink and just generally watches over them when they get drunk LOL

alice was pretty shocked to learn that bill had a boyfriend AND a girlfriend but she adjusted pretty quickly. she thinks emma is SUPER cool and they bond over the most random things ever. but yea theyre besties pretty much

please please please feel free to share ur hcs/thoughts/ideas or Whatever i just need more content w themmmmmm 😩

[rapidhighway]

gonna vent for a sec but im so tired of this "don't wanna be an inconvenience", people pleasing shit ngl.....do people who do this know that they just come off as really rude and like... it just feels insulting each time

[chompe-diem]

on my extrapolating about characters arc so im thinking about. gorgug and riz. do u ever think of them

gorgug who grew up knowing intimately how much he stuck out like a sore thumb. riz who can count all the goblins in elmville on one clawed hand.

riz who hides behind walls and in dark corners because he cannot stand in a crowd and simply blend in; gorgug who wakes up his whole childhood in a room too small. two people who garner attention that they aren't seeking. riz the rogue whose keen eye notices, knows how people will stare if given the opportunity. gorgug who more often than not sits timidly with his headphones on and hands in his hoodie pocket, who hates the stomach flip when someone assumes he must be a barbarian, and hates the fact that he proves them right.

riz and gorgug who are different in their upbringings, but share the same quiet sense of unbelonging, in green skin and craned necks and cruel cruel assumptions