#I don't know who Im supposed to be

[thissliceofnonsense]

Can I be someone else?

I've made another post talking about the concept and main character, ummm... lets call them.. *looks up names that mean empty*

Cassia. This name is a variant of the Latin Cassiah. It means “futile, empty, or vain.” 

Perfect.

Okay, so the next step in my story writing process is to write a bit of prose so I know how to write the character, it may or may not end up in the 'final'. Who knows?

So here's some first draft prose:

I'm not a morning person. I'm not a night person. I'm not an afternoon, evening, or midday person. The sun rises and sets, over and over and over again, each day blurring into the next. My life passes me by and I watch with mounting disgust.

I hate being alone.

Nope. Let's try something else. This is very...meh.

Okay, how about a quick prose bit about Cassia choosing a paint color for their room with their friend, and when the friend leaves to grab something, Cassia realizes they don't have a favorite color, that they don't know who they are without someone else around.

(I want to make the disclaimer that I do not know how socializing works and this is inspired by a tumblr post so yea.)

"What do you think? Beige?" "Who are you and what have you done with Julie." I grabbed fistfuls of vibrant colors. "Something from here, obviously." Julie laughed, light and genuine. She was easy. So much easier to be around than anyone else right now. Julie never wanted to go with more than one person at a time. She never held a grudge or cared how you acted. She was just... there. I could slide into whatever behavior felt best and not have to worry about how actions argued in my head. Julie pointed to a purple that would've made my mother puke. "How about this one?" "My parents will go insane." "Well, you're an adult now, you can make your own choices." "Wow, wow, wow, quite the rebel." Julie laughed again. "No, not really." She held my choices, glancing at each for a few moments. "What's your favorite color?" "Purple." Julie shook her head. "That's my favorite color, silly. What's yours?" "Purple." "Pfft. Okay." We spent a while picking out differing colors. Julie, the only artist of our friend group, talked about how different shades could look different in different applications and how to pair colors. It was nice to listen to her talk. She liked being listened to, to have someone to laugh with, and I could be that person for her. I asked her questions about the colors and her art and if she had any paintings I could hang up. "A Julie masterpiece!" Julie stopped short and looked at her phone. "Ah, sorry. I have to go." I winced. "Oh. Okay. Bye then." She walked a few steps, before turning around. "Thanks, by the way, for not talking about it. I'll let you know when - when the date is, okay?" I nodded. "And pick YOUR favorite color. Okay? Not mine." And she was gone. I sighed, making a mental note to text her pictures of the color I chose and to ask her questions about the best compliments for it. She needed the distraction. I looked at the different colors in my hand. Would Julie be suspicious if I went with the colors she liked? Perhaps she would feel validated that her choices were picked? I put the purple away. She said to pick my favorite color. I stepped away from the choices and looked at them from afar. They blurred together in a swirl of shades and vibrance. My favorite color? When I was five, it was red because my parents thought it meant strength. When I was twelve, it was green because my sibling liked the way sunlight filtered through forest leaves. When I was eighteen, it was purple, because my only friend thought it was the most perfect color in existence. Not that she would be my friend for much longer. She had her suspicions now, it wouldn't be much longer before she said the same things, as they all did. "You don't make decisions for yourself. Stop being a suck up. You just want attention. Be yourself. You're too fake." And they were all right. I didn't have a favorite color. They all felt the same. Static.

Eh. How was that?

Anywho, next up is the backstory moments!

i wonder if magic is real, but only in a really mundane way.

when i was little i could almost inerringly switch back to disney channel right as the ads ended when i was channel surfing.

maybe youve never accidentally crushed a ladybug underfoot. maybe your microwave popcorn never burns. maybe you can spin around lots and lots of times before you get dizzy.

is that magic??

honestly im not sure if these are magic or just small, invisible skills. im not sure which i like better.

[hinamie]

siren!megumi concept sheet i whipped up in a single-minded fever state fr @uriekukistan

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

[lucyshypemaster]

we genuinely need more platonic male-female relationships like the one brynne and aiden have

[volivolition]

DAY 4: DRAMA - Put on your prettiest face for the masses!

gonna start adding silly captions actually. [POINTS ACCUSINGLY] MELTY FUCK (AFFECTIONATE)!!

[angelicdonuts]

Guys I'm so sorry (I'm not) I love fnf soooo much dude

Anyway!! There's one more after this! It's gonna be oc focused :3 !

[lureithleon]

blitzø's fav of the mane 6 is twilight confirmed?

[iridescentis]

i have more song related wild life mental illness to offer this evening it seems

i have less evidence for this but trust me on this one. daffodil by florence and the machine is so wl treebark and i am so Normal about it trust

it feels like ren's reaction to martyn's death and martyn as a zombie and im gonna be sick because of Them oughhhh

[jamespotterswandonthecouch]

ok but imagine regulus and james meeting for the first time, both alone, in a train at 11pm, and it’s snowing outside. at first they don’t meet, they are sitting in different compartments, they are in the 80s so no phones, imagine the old cozy trains, etc. James gets bored and starts wandering, probably thinking he's alone since all the compartments are empty, when he stumbles into Regulus. He startes chatting with him, even tho Reg seems quite grumbled at the beginning, and James is sooo oblivious to this, he just goes on chatting. Regulus finally shuts him up, telling he wants to go to sleep, when the train comes to a sudden stop. After some time passes, they go to the driver, and find out that there's been some problem and they can't go on. So here they are, at a random train station and it's 1am now. Regulus wants to go on alone at first, wait for the next train there, except the next train ain't coming anytime soon, and it's a really shady area, there are some people looking at them. James notices this and is very, very hesitant to leave this beautiful stranger alone, so decides to stick around and convince Reg to stay together and wait together. They decide to search for nearby hotels, and finally find a quite shady looking place, but oh well, it's so fucking cold so they couldn't care less. They enter, and even tho it's literally 2am the receptionist welcomes them warmly, mistakingly addressing Regulus and "his quite handsome boyfriend" as a couple. Regulus blushes at this, trying to correct her, and being completely ignored by the lady, who turns to take out the register to write their names, while James just turns to Reg with a lopsided grin, saying "did you see that? she called me handsome". They finally get a room, and guess what? There's only one fucking bed. James, not wanting to discomfort regulus, offers to sleep on the floor, even tho it's fucking freezing, but reg feels way to guilty, and hey, he's never been one to say no to sleeping in a bed with a beautiful man (even if said beautiful man is a total stranger) so he tells James that they can sleep on the same bed. They are supposed to fall asleep, but neither of them can, so they start talking about everything and nothing. Regulus starts finally talking a bit about himself, opening up a bit, telling james how he was trying to escape from his abusive family, how his older brother had left a long time ago and he hadn't been able to follow. How he had regretted his decision so much, and was now heading at his brother's house, hoping not to be turned away. James tries to comfort him, and tells his way less tragic side of the story. He had to be out of his town for work, and was now going back in time for Christmas. He'd be spending Christmas with his bestfriends and his family. Suddenly James falls silent, noticing the small distance between them, and hesitantly moves a bit forward. Regulus' eyes fall onto James' lips, and he too moves forward. Their lips meet, sending a jolt down their spine. They start kissing passionately, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door. That's their cue to starts getting ready to catch the next train, so they awkardly get out of bed, without saying a word. They reach the train, and spend the rest of the ride in different compartments. James wants to go to Regulus, ask him more about himself, ask him tomeet again, outside of here, but he's hesitant to do so, because what if Regulus hates him after last night? Regulus on the other side thinks he's messed up, that James didn't like the kiss at all and was now trying to avoid him. When they come to their destination, they get off the train, and James hopes to find a glimpse of Reg, anything, just to ask him a way to meet him again, but is quite dissapointed when he finds noone that resembles him. He waits for a bit, but when the station starts to clear out, he takes is as a cue to leave, wondering if he'd ever meet that beautiful stranger again.

[housederiva]

[naamahdarling]

Augh

[wammypilled]

Mello and Misa on a one mofu open sleigh, the bimbo sleigh if you will

[angelsdean]

ok did i just imagine this or. didn't jensen or misha say at one point they used to go for drives around vancouver between filming and have like deep life conversations ?? bc i gotta be honest that was the first thing i thought of when i read that quote from danneel abt how she and jensen bonded over having deep life conversations on their way to and from set while filming Ten Inch Hero.

[soupbtch]

ummm. my fic is done.

[jils-things]

by the lighthouse.

dividers

[cosmic-walkers]

I haven't seen a lot of people talk about him but harry melling absolutely killed it as wriothsely. for one of the first times we see the character of wriothsely really focused on in tudor media, he did an outstanding job at portraying a flawed, torn, nuanced and morally ambiguous risley. i loved him, and his ability to have amazing chemistry with mark rylance.

i could almost look past the fact that he didn't have red hair, in s2 even tho the s1 actor had it. idk maybe they ran out of lightener, copper hair color and 50 vol developer on set but he did good.