#I don't have the spoons rn

[fight-nights-at-freddys]

i've been seeing a lot of posts recently about the proship community, and their "obsession" with complaining/talking about them, saying stuff like "i miss when fandom was more than just "i ship taboo things and that's my entire personality"", and i think i disagree with a lot of those posts.

the thing with fandom is that it used to be that way, UNTIL antis started policing what you could and couldn't do. it was inevitable that some of us were gonna double down and talk very openly about all the dark stuff we ship. is it totally reactionary? yes. was it without cause? no. this stuff doesn't happen in a vacuum.

but also, like. i feel like y'all (not you reading this post but. the ppl that make those kinds of posts) are missing out on a few very key details, being:

the proship community was started as a reaction to antis in the first place. they are intrinsically linked together, whether we like it or not. being proship is reactive, fork found in kitchen,

all these different terms exists because of antis, not because of proshippers. complain all you want about "x/y is a comship!" or "a/b is a darkship!", because i agree, it doesn't matter! it's all shipping in the end! antis are the ones that actually gaf because to them it matters A LOT if you ship The Bad Thing™,

fandom is what you make of it. if you don't wanna ship taboo things, have at it! do what you want forever, but the need to shame people that like darkships and talk abt it openly on their blogs is odd,

you don't have to tag generic fandom stuff with "proship", you are allowed to exist in the main tags!! you don't have to go searching for positive fandom stuff in the proship tags!!

i think y'all forget this is a blogging site, not just a social media site. i'm here for my *own* enjoyment, entertainment, and sometimes catharsis. if i see an annoying take from an anti, i'm gonna post about it, bc it's *my* blog. yes, we can (and often do) block antis, but that doesn't mean we can't bitch about them. the blocking feature exists for everyone, and if you don't like what those kinds of proshippers talk about, block the individual, not just the tags.

like, i'm sorry to break it to you, but things don't have to be all unicorns-and-rainbows positive all the time. sometimes we wanna bitch and complain, and that's OKAY!

there's nothing wrong with having your "entire personality" being liking darkships! (i have issues w that phrasing btw, bc most of the ppl that talk Like That™ are bait accounts, or it's a side account where they only want to talk about their darkships. point is, them liking taboo ships is def just one facet of their personalities, not their whole personality)

the problem isn't people in this community "killing the vibe", the problem is you letting your vibes be killed by stuff you don't like!

[redstainedsocks]

I know there's a well loved niche for royal whump, but lately I've been thinking a lot about royal *guard* whump.

Hurt for being loyal to the old king, punished for doing the thing they were trained to do. Grief-struck at the loss of their fellow guards in combat. Guilt at failing at their most important task: protecting the heart of kingdom.

[asteria-argo]

why is it that even when I filter out Tim Drake-Centric works through the tags I am still constantly bombarded by Tim Drake centric fics I'm sorry but he is not that interesting

[oatmealdaydreams]

Why does this remind me of Ford & Fiddleford? What the hell.

[aro-culture-is]

hey all. it's been a while. life has been not... bad per se, but I certainly haven't had the energy to keep up with this blog in quite some time. I'm closing submissions for now, and gonna try to queue up the whole of what has previously been submitted.

i'll let you know at the end of all that if i'm gonna continue at all. if I decide to abandon this blog, I do intend to keep it up as a resource and will not delete it.

thank you all for a great time

--- mods, kee system

[whathorselegs]

writing patterns ✨

rules: share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns!

Thank you for tagging me @calmlb !! Go check out their post here for amazing skk fic recs!

Black Coffee and Chocolate Cake (Gen, Chuuya is turned into a kid, multichapter)

If there was one fact about Yokohama’s criminal underbelly Hirotsu was certain of, it was that there was someone up to no good in a warehouse at any given time.

As Fate Would Have It (Chuuya-centric, skk, Chuuya gets a dog, Series)

There was a list that existed in the back of Chuuya’s mind.

Kuma, His Human and the Other One (Skk, Chuuya gets a dog, Pet's POV, Series)

I am a dog.

Breathing Dreams Like Air (Sskk, skk, Great Gatsby AU, multichapter)

To say Atsushi lived a modest life, would be an understatement.

In Over His Head (Teen skk, pre-storm bringer, Physical Hurt/Emotional comfort, multichapter)

“You’ll be going on a very delicate mission this time, Chuuya.”

Shall We Dance? (Kunikidazai, Dancing, Two Parts)

It had been six months since Dazai had officially joined the Armed Detective Agency and in that time he’d gotten to know Kunikida’s scowl quite well.

Junkyard Dog (Teen Skk, Silly Antics, Dazai and Chuuya bickering, One shot)

“I’m actually gonna do it this time.”

Aftermath (skk, horror-ish, Post-Meursault Arc, Chuuya has hallucinations, Angst, One shot)

Chuuya rubbed at his eyes again.

When The World Tears Me In Two, Who Can I Turn To But You (Skk have bad days and comfort each other through it, Two Parts)

The week had not been particularly kind to Chuuya.

The Setting Sun (Skk secretly reunite after Dazai's defection and have a lot to get off their chests, One shot)

The average person would claim a walk through the woods was rejuvenating, that getting back to nature and sucking the fresh air deep into one’s lungs is the perfect cure for an oppressive mood.

--

These are literally all my BSD fics, did not realise I've written 10 of them.

I suppose there are two things I already know I do, or well avoid. I avoid starting with dialogue or the first word being a character's name, because school drilled it into my head that's bad writing, and even though I know that's not true, I still subconsciously do it a lot.

Did not realise a lot of my first sentences were so short though.

Tagging: Leaving this as an open tag for any writer who wants to do this!

[viperwhispered]

How Not to Be Swept Under - behind the scenes

So, since I’ve been enabled (ty @scint1llat3), some thoughts on the process behind How Not to Be Swept Under. Spoilers for the series, obviously, and also below the cut for length (oop I sure had a few things to say).

Too Much

So, like I said in the notes for this, hearing Ylivoimainen by KUUMAA got me thinking of Jamil being overwhelmed by his feelings. In the song the singer is talking about how you’re overpowering, in the sense that he can’t stand against you, and how the singer would do anything to get to you. Now, while I didn’t think Jamil would be quite that drastic - man’s far too aware of consequences and things - I still wanted to explore what it would mean for Jamil to deal with such feelings.

Iirc, already when I posted this I was pretty sure I wanted to continue the fic. Looking back on the file, I did have the beginnings of the second part there already, but decided that leaving the first part at the moment of realization would be the most impactful.

Ngl, I kinda really love the line “No, if anything, you were quite…inoffensive.”, which is at the end of that part where Jamil’s trying to figure out why you have him on edge. Yes he’s not annoyed (quite the opposite if he’d realize it) but somehow you sure bother him. Wonder why.

“And the way you had looked at him, like-” In my head, this would’ve continued something along the lines of “like you cared for him” - but of course Jamil’s not going to let such conclusions come out, especially with Kalim interrupting him, too.

And for “Surely he was not that stupid. After all, there was no way-”, I was thinking something like “there was no way he had a crush on you”, but, again, Jamil sure isn’t going that far at this point. No way.

Of course, for all these, I don’t mean to say that what I thought when writing is the only way to read it, far from it. But it is what I was thinking at that time.

And that shit in the end? Yeah he’s not willing to put words to it, even in his own mind, but he can’t quite deny what is going on, even if he refuses to face it.

Too Hard

Jamil’s solution to uncomfortable feelings: let’s pretend they don't exist. That’s definitely gonna go fine 🙃

Reader, meanwhile, definitely is aware of their own feelings at this point - they were already acting on them in the first part, after all. So Jamil really is starting on a back foot here, in the sense that he’s still trying to figure (or avoid figuring) out his own thoughts and feelings, while reader’s feelings are turning into action.

However, Jamil’s standoffishness / avoidance here is throwing reader for a loop. I struggled quite a bit with how I should portray this - I didn’t want reader to just go “I’m sad because you’re distant” because you need to be really close for that kind of vulnerability, I feel - certainly closer than these two are. So there was a version where Jamil overheard Kalim comforting reader about it, and another one where Jamil heard just the wrong bit of what you said to Kalim.

In the end, I’d like to think I struck out a reasonable balance between making it clear enough what was going on between you and Jamil, while also not making them too good at communicating.

Ngl, here and throughout I so loved writing Jamil’s thoughts, going through the denial while also peppering in the bits that were quite telling enough of what he actually felt. He might not be admitting it to himself yet, but also even if he tries, he can’t just act neutral with you.

Whereas the title of the first chapter was referring to reader being too much for Jamil, here the title refers to Jamil trying too hard to “act normal”.

Also, by the time I posted this, I already had the title and vague concepts for the next part and the finale - the only question was if I’d need a transition between those two.

Such a oneshot this turned out to be, huh, just 5 parts.

Too Little

Pivot time! The dam breaks, finally, and Jamil has to accept that things are as they are.

It was around this chapter that I noticed myself using all these metaphors about currents and depths and things and started to use them more intentionally. That’s where the title for the whole series came about, as well. I’m not sure where the idea cleared out for me, but I think around here the latest I realized the whole “struggling against the tides (aka your feelings) and expending all your energy there - accepting your feelings as they are, making things all in all much more easier / pleasant” dichotomy for Jamil.

Which, certainly doesn’t apply to just romantic feelings. Like, that man has been repressing so much, and probably spends (or spent, before book 4) so much energy just maintaining the facade - energy which he could use for other things more fruitfully, one would imagine. So, yeah, it became a bit of a theme, that whole learning to understand and accept one’s feelings.

Again, I had so much fun writing him yearning. I was allowing him to complete a few more of his thoughts, letting them go a little further, but it’s not like he’s fully comfortable going all in yet and admitting even to himself all that he’s thinking about.

Tho also look at him being all soft and mushy and in his feels.

Also I couldn’t decide how dirty I could / should go with the “What it would feel like to touch you, to hold you, to kiss you, to-” bit so cutting it off solved that question too, lol.

I did also consider making this chapter much more lewd, Jamil maybe even masturbating to the thought of you, but then there’s the question of community labels and stuff and I didn’t want anyone to miss out a part. Plus like, as much as I love my lewd, I also didn’t want to imply it was just horny he’s feeling for you. But it was definitely a balancing act, trying to figure out just where I’d want to take this.

Tbh, I still might write the nsfw version of this (or something similar, at least) at some point.

Another thing to add to the wip / idea list I guess.

To me, the title feels quite self-explanatory here. He’s got too little of you, and wants to have more of you in his life.

Also that ice cream bit was absolutely there just to treat myself.

Too Fast

So, sometime earlier in the process I’d decided the reader should be the one confessing / making the first obvious move. Partly because come on why should it always be the guy doing that, and partly because the theme here was to keep Jamil on the back foot (ily Jamil but you’re just far too fun to fluster).

So when Too Little ended with Jamil deciding to act, I suddenly realized I had a bit of a dilemma - after all, Jamil is the sort who likes to make others act. Originally, I thought that what would throw Jamil off here would be you acting before Jamil gets to make his move. But for a character who likes to nudge others to act, would that really be a problem?

Thankfully, Jamil is also a planner thrown off when things go off rails - I mean, he can definitely adjust, as we see here and elsewhere, but it was enough to throw him off the loop the way I wanted to. So, I pivoted to Jamil being surprised by you making your move without his nudges. Jamil maintained his backfootedness as intended, and I managed to keep myself from accidentally glossing over parts of his character - win-win.

Writing this out like this feels like such minor nitpicking but well let’s just say that for the particular vibes I wanted to go for, it seemed to make a difference.

Also this bit:

“But he needed to know if it all was enough for what he wanted with you.

And if not… Well. Perhaps there was something to be done about that. Given enough time, enough attention…

He could be a listening ear, a supporting presence, get to know you further, if he needed to.

Yes, he wanted you to be his sooner rather than later, but if he had to wait and work for it, he would.”

Now, one could certainly read this a bit yan if one wanted to, but mostly I just felt like I had had Jamil be so “nice” so far and it felt like I really needed a dash of the more calculated parts of him, willing to put so much on the line to get what he wants. Like sure we’re going pretty fluffy with this story but it is still Jamil we’re talking about.

The scene with the basketball trio was originally Scarabia kitchen (with Jamil almost fumbling his phone into a pot or counter instead, and a random student questioning him), but then I realized I already had Jamil doing a lot of cooking and related things in this fic. So basketball trio to the rescue, and for a change of scenery, too. (And me hoping that in just couple of lines of dialogue I won’t do too grave injustices to the other characters.)

Also with Floyd in there, of course I had to include the line about “a taste of blood in the water”.

Again, it was quite the balancing act, trying to figure out just how flustered Jamil should be. A king of compartmentalization, after all, (and no jmeal this is not a compliment), but also I wanted him to be genuinely affected. So addlebrained Jamil it was, but hopefully I didn’t make him too much of a bumbling fool for who he is.

Also ngl I was really happy with myself with the parenthesis thoughts.

“He’d make something quick for Kalim’s dinner while preparing something to share with you. (What could he make with the time and ingredients he had that you really liked? What about dessert? He knew how much you enjoyed sweets, after all.)”

The logical, planning mind in the regular text, all the feels and “idle” thoughts in the parenthesis - which he’s trying to keep under control / at bay, but can’t, quite.

Again, Jamil, wouldn’t life be much easier if you let yourself feel your feels?

Ngl, I kind of feel like a coward, skipping so much of the dialogue in the confession scene. On the other hand, this series had turned into such a deep dive into Jamil’s head, that I was kinda content to keep to that inner perspective, even in this particular situation.

It’s strange, though, since often when I draft fics, for example, I build things around dialogue. But with this fic it just seemed to be different aspects calling to me.

Also knuckle kisses? Leave me absolutely weak, I could not resist including that.

I did wonder if I was too obviously spelling out my thought process, talking about reader having been ahead of Jamil in the feels curve, but on the other hand I figured it would be something Jamil would realize. So hopefully it didn’t turn too far in to telling rather than showing (I say, as if the next chapter isn’t so much of telling, oop).

“And in that sweet moment Jamil finally stopped fighting, at least for a moment. He let go of his plans, his resistance, and allowed himself to be swept up by you.”

And here we are, finishing with those themes of tides / feelings, the first dip of Jamil allowing himself to stop fighting. Not gonna say he dropped all his bad habits here, but at least he had a moment of calm.

Just Right

And we get the fluffiest of payoffs. Expounding on themes I outlined earlier, but also just fluffy sweetness.

Ngl, I was pulling from my irl relationship for a lot of these things.

“And all those things Jamil had not even allowed himself to think of back then now freely filled his mind.”

Like I said in the notes for this part as well, I combed through the earlier parts, picking out the unfinished thoughts and other bits that were poignant for what I wanted to say about Jamil’s feelings and his handling of them. So lots of callbacks, pretty much, to tie things up.

“However, finally, Jamil had learned how to withstand those currents. Fighting them, denying your pull… It truly had been a fool’s errand. Riding with the waves, steering his course was the only way he could make it - but only once he allowed himself to be carried by the flow.”

I was really wondering how to word this bit the right way. I didn’t want to say that the relationship was inevitable or anything like that - life happens, Jamil has agency, he could’ve chosen to say no to your date invitation etc. But the feelings were there, and couldn’t be denied away - at least not without significant and frankly wasted effort.

So, yeah, it was a fun project, going through the stages of Jamil’s thought process, slowly (or not so slowly) letting him think in different ways as the story progressed and showing those things in different ways.

Plus I’ve been doing almost exclusively oneshots for some time so it was nice to do something a little longer.

Hopefully these thoughts were of interest to at least some of you! Again, I want to iterate, I don’t want to say that my thought process behind writing dictates the one true way to interpret things or anything like that. It is simply where I’m approaching the story from, and what is behind the choices I make in telling the story.

Honestly if anyone reads all of this you deserve a cookie. Maybe even a drabble.

[moonchild-in-blue]

Okay guys. I know some of you do in fact go there so. Help a girl out 🥺

Who is König, like. What's his deal? The mask cloth thingy? Is he shy or smth 🥺 like Mimikyu? Or is it a "face severely scarred and disfigured from war and now I must conceal the horror" type of thing? Why is he built like a smart fridge?

I'm vaguely aware of CoD (played it like a million years ago with a friend), and I vaguely know about Soapy Boy and Ghost Normal Name. What I'm actually interested in is whoever the hell Beefcake Cutiepie König is.

Much appreciated~ xoxo 💋💋💋

[handmadehazefromtheheart]

I've finally finished testing and listing the ball python plushies on the new shop!

These were the first plushies I wanted to sell and I'm sosososo hopeful and excited with this storefront. Check it ouuut and maybe buy one if you can afford it? Price breakdown in the description; I'm getting 10€ per hour.

Photography by @ablondpanda!

[wulfbluds]

# the girls are girling !!

[crocwork-clockodile]

Okay so I'm extremely behind on watching Dungeon Meshi, so I don't have many insightful observations about it, but I do really like the small detail of calling what would typically be "humans" in another classic fantasy setting "tall-men." It's a really nice and interesting way to sort of demonstrate that all these races fall under the blanket term "humans," rather than imply that This group is like a default human and the rest are Different but still People. If I were feeling clever today and had seen more of the anime (or read the manga) I'm sure I could make some arguments about how this ties into the "Monster" vs "Human" thing regarding the ethics of eating them, and how the series is asking the characters and the audience where those lines are drawn. But I'm not feeling that clever so if anyone would like to pick that line of analysis up, go for it

[sodomy-enabler]

some tumblr users are so baffling to me

you're not a rebel or weird for jerking off to incest or sexualizing children because rape culture child abuse and familial abuse are the status quo under (white cishetero) patriarchy and xtian hegemony. like sorry you take homophobes and transmisogynists and catholic priests and abusers in general at face value when they pretend to condemn these things and that makes you feel like a cool sex freak or whatever when you spam csa in the tags of children's cartoons, but those conservatives are completely fine with this shit bc it's a useful tool to keep people under their control, and these things are very much the norm because of that, you are the boring normie here lmao

and no amount of misusing the term "thought crime!" or telling yourself that you're queering it or appropriating it from conservatives is going to convince feminists, antiracist & queer/lgbt+ activists and people interested in youth liberation to take you seriously because you're, at best, useless to their cause

[meownotgood]

my brain rewarded me for working hard, last night I had a dream about aki sex ❤️

[apricote]

also one of the main reasons i've been gone is that i have a new computer so i lost all my cc and saves again, and i can't be bothered to redownload everything again

[mitamicah]

I need to think out loud - feel free to ignore

[cliff-and-the-kid]

A'ight, Cliff turned on the Boop Meter thingy to provide his friends with an extra target, but now he's gonna power down for a nap until Sierra's ready to go out trick-or-treating. Have fun, folks