#I don't have my fucking live together and a flute

[bhaal-battle-beer-bard]

Emporer + Anyone else: "You have to save the world. Our lives are in your hands."

Bard Tav: "...."

*looking left* *looking right*

"I don't have my life together and I have a flute! 🪈 🤷🏼‍♀️ I...I don't know what you all expect from me. Really!"

(What should the Emporer say? The hero economy is in shambles 🤣)

[discoscoob]

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ ONE FOR THE MONEY

˙ ✩°˖💸 ⋆｡˚ Kevin Lomax x Reader

Synopsis: while on a work trip in Los Angeles where he is going to attend numerous social events, Kevin hires you to be his date for his entire stay. 3.7k words.

CW: hella toxic relationship, hooker!reader, bratty!reader, Kevin is an asshole, you’re also an asshole (you say something uncalled for,) and you slap him (he deserves it,) angst? degrading language, oral (m!receiving), face fucking.

˙ ✩°˖💸 ⋆｡˚

The gala is like nothing you’ve seen before. A lavish affair filled with thousands of upper-class and celebrity guests, wearing the latest fashion of the season, with faces full of expensive cosmetic enhancements.

You feel a sudden tinge of imposter syndrome building inside your chest as you walk through the lobby alongside Kevin, his arm firmly clasping your waist as he navigates the crowd of guests.

It’s a far cry from the dingy clubs you’re used to hanging around in, the people here look like something straight out of a magazine.

“Am I allowed to drink the champagne?” you whisper in Kevin’s ear as your eyes catch sight of waiters wandering through the crowd, carrying gold trays filled with champagne flutes.

Kevin gives you a stern look, running a finger under your chin as he turns your face to his.

“Of course, darlin’.” he assures you, his voice low and comforting. “Just remember, I don’t want you drunk and ruining this evening. Keep it to two glasses.”

“What do you think I’ll do? Get up on one of the tables and start doing a strip tease?” you quip sarcastically at his strict rules as you grab one of the champagne flutes as the waiter passes by.

“Not funny, sweetheart. You really need to watch your mouth.” Kevin warns you, but there’s a faint hint of amusement in his voice. “You’re representing me tonight and I won’t have my reputation ruined by some loose tongue.”

“C’mon… you can’t deny it’d make the event more exciting.” you lean into Kevin’s side seductively, as a mischievous smile spreads on your lips while you run your manicured fingers over the silk lapels of his tuxedo jacket. You know already that you will be bored out your brains by the end of the evening.

Kevin scoffs, placing a restraining hand on your shoulder, gently pressing you away from him.

"This isn't a joke, Y/N. I've paid you good money to keep your mouth shut and act appropriately. If you can't handle it, then perhaps I should find myself another date."

"Don't push your luck. I wouldn't hesitate to replace you.” Kevin warns you under his breath, lightly gripping your waist as he walks you towards the group of people he wishes to introduce you to. “Just do as I say and keep your mouth shut unless spoken to.”

As you walk with Kevin, you can't help but feel a slight sting at his words. You swallow hard, taking small sips of your champagne to calm your nerves. Your gaze flickers to the other women in attendance, all dressed to the nines, laughing and smiling effortlessly.

When Kevin introduces you to the first person, a stern-faced man with slicked-back hair, your heart races and you struggle to string together a coherent sentence. You take solace in the fact that despite your awkwardness, you're still attracting stares from those around you.

Throughout the event, you exchange pleasantries and make small talk, eventually finding yourself listening to stories about corporate deals and movie investments, trying to appear engaged.

By the time the gala draws close to midnight, your stifling yawns and rubbing the back of your neck, trying to massage away the ache caused by the heavy necklace that Kevin had loaned from a jewellers, you didn’t even want to know how much it was worth, but you’re certain it was more than the collective wealth of all your ancestors.

The night had been a long and exhausting one, with endless conversations of people whose lives revolved around luxury and privilege becoming tiresome very quickly.

Kevin is in the middle of a discussion with an associate that you had long since tuned out of as you let out a tired yawn you could no longer hold in. The two men stop their conversation and both glance in your direction. Kevin shoots you a glare, while the other man gives you an appraising stare that makes you slightly uncomfortable.

“Are you bored?” Kevin says, his tone of voice more sharp than usual, clearly having noticed your lack of interest in the conversation.

“Bored? No, not at all.” you speak with forced enthusiasm. “I’m having the time of my life.”

Kevin’s expression becomes irritated as he hears the sarcasm in your voice, his eyes briefly locking with his associates before he continues with the conversation, choosing to ignore your comment.

“As I was saying, we’re looking to expand outside of New York City and take on some international clients. We want to create a global profile for this firm so that…”

Kevin’s words carry on but it’s all just white noise to you now, as you struggle to stay awake.

As the conversation continues, your eyes wander curiously over the room, only a handful of guests remain, all of them huddled in small groups sharing superficial conversations. Your eyes catch sight of a pair of glass doors, leading out onto a balcony. While Kevin is distracted by his conversation, you manage to slip away unnoticed, making your way to the balcony.

Once outside, you take in a deep breath of fresh air into your lungs, relieved to be away from the suffocating environment of the gala.

Your eyes flutter shut as you enjoy the cool breeze, letting it blow the exhaustion away until you feel more alert. That’s when a presence behind you makes you jolt a little, immediately feeling defensive.

Before you can turn around to see who joined you on the balcony, you feel two hands lightly wrap around your waist as you hear Kevin’s familiar voice whisper your name in your ear, his tone sounding a lot more light and playful now.

“You couldn’t even be well-behaved enough to stay in the room where I could see you? I knew I couldn’t trust you to stay put for five minutes while I have a conversation.” Kevin wraps both of his arms around you from behind, pulling you against his warm body as he leans his head on top of yours.

“Have you come to tell me that it’s time to leave?” you ask him with a hint of hope in your tone as you lean into his broad chest and rest your tired head against his shoulder while he remains stood sturdily behind you, accepting your weight with ease.

“Of course not,” Kevin murmurs, his voice filled with flirtation as he notices your tired expression resting against his chest.

He can feel the warmth of your breath upon his skin and a slight tingle of excitement runs through his body as you rest yourself upon him.

“I just came to check up on you,” Kevin says, his voice softer now as he gently runs his hands along the sides of your back. “You look a little tired. Are you okay?”

“Not really. I think I’m about to die of boredom.” you take your weight off of Kevin’s chest and turn around in his arms to face him. “The parties I’m used to are so much more fun than this and I don’t have to wear jewellery that damn near breaks my neck.”

“Oh, I see… you miss the days of the dingy little local clubs you used to go to, huh?” Kevin teases lightheartedly, his lips turning up into a playful grin as he notices the distain in your voice.

He wraps his arms around your waist again as he leans into you, his breath slightly tickling your neck as he speaks.

“Well, the parties you used to go to were probably all about hooking up with strangers and getting trashed.”

“As opposed to listening to you discuss legal jargon with your boring associates for hours on end?” you playfully roll your eyes as you lean back against the rail of the balcony.

“As opposed to being a whore that gets trashed every night dancing half-naked in some dingy club for a bunch of sleazy scumbags?” Kevin says, his tone becomes less teasing and more frustrated as he’s met with your flippant replies.

The smile falls from your face as you push yourself off of the rail into a defensive stance, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You’re such a fucking dickhead.” you shake your head, your tone becoming flat as you try to remove the emotion from it, not wanting to show him how much his words penetrate your self-esteem.

Kevin’s expression darkens as your smile falls from your face, the playful energy that was radiating in the air before vanishes like dust in the wind.

“What? Did I hit a chord?” Kevin asks, his arms dropping to his sides as he takes a step forward standing right in front of you.

“That’s what your best at, isn’t it? Spreading your legs and showing off your body.”

You feel your blood simmering to a boil inside your chest as a raging fire begins to burn inside your soul and before you know it your hand is colliding with Kevin’s cheek. The sound of the slap echos in your ears as you freeze, feeling the heat on your palm as you look at him with wide eyes, realising too late what you just did.

Kevin's jaw clenches as the hot sensation of your hand smacking across his face takes him by surprise. His hand flies to his cheek, as he stares at you in shock, before the rage and anger begin to bubble in his chest.

In the blink of an eye, he shoves you hard into the balcony railing, pushing you backwards until your back slams up against it. Kevin quickly places him hands on your shoulders as he leans in close, his facial expression now one of anger and rage rather than his former playful flirting.

You quiver as you grip the edge of the rail tightly with both my hands, rationality told you he wouldn't push you over the edge yet your heart was pounding fiercely in your chest as the fear rose inside you, leaving you trembling.

Your dilated pupils were transfixed on Kevin's that glared at you with a glimmer of evil from under his dark brows that left you questioning what he was actually capable of.

"You hit me," Kevin says, his voice sounding dangerously calm and eerily restrained.

"You just hit me, you stupid little whore." His hands tighten around your shoulders, squeezing hard enough to cause pain as he lets his rage take over, the playful flirting of moments ago gone. Now, all you see is just a cold, raging set of eyes glaring down at you as he keeps you pinned against the railing.

"I- I'm..." you pant heavily, feeling a cold sweat began to gather on your brow from the unbridled fear coursing through your veins, pumped by your ferocious heartbeat that feels as though it's lodged in your throat while you white knuckle the railing.

Before you can manage to utter an apology in an attempt to appease Kevin, a couple step out onto the balcony, snapping Kevin out of his rage filled trance as he steps back, releasing his bruising grip on you.

You immediately feel the tension leave your body, but you keep your grip fast on the rail, feeling as though your legs are about to give way from beneath you.

Kevin’s eye flicker towards the couple that just stepped out onto the balcony. There's a brief moment of relief, then he quickly composes himself, hiding his fury behind a polite smile.

"Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Thompson! How lovely to see you," Kevin greets the couple, his voice smooth and polished.

"Let's get back inside, Y/N," he says, his voice still pleasant and controlled, even as his gaze never leaves the newly arrived couple.

Taking your hand, he leads you back into the party, maintaining his composed demeanour as he says his goodbyes and excuses you both from the gala.

His grip on your hand remains firm as he leads you out of the venue and towards the limousine waiting outside to take you both back to his hotel.

Ever since the incident on the balcony, your heartbeat has not slowed down and you feel as though it’s about it’s about to jump out your throat at any moment as you sit silently beside Kevin in the back of the car.

Kevin’s eyes watch every single movement you make, as he waits patiently for you to speak first - which he knows you won’t.

“Why did you hit me?”

“Why do you think?” you snap back at him with a heated glare, astonished that he even needs to ask. “You were being disrespectful and degrading towards me.”

“So you hit me?” Kevin says bluntly, his voice now laced with something between anger, annoyance, and slight amusement.

“You felt belittled, is that it? Is that what triggered your childish impulse to physically strike me? You’re a grown woman, yet you behave like a toddler who hasn’t learnt how to control her emotions yet.”

“You can talk! You were practically about to throw me over the edge of the balcony. I don’t even want to imagine what might’ve happened had that couple not stepped out right at that moment.” you call out his own lack of control.

“Don’t be so dramatic. I wasn’t going to throw you over the edge.” he replies, his tone cold and blunt.

“All I was going to do was teach you a lesson. Remind you that there are consequences for your childish actions when you hit someone. A lesson your mother clearly forgot to teach you.” Kevin replies, his words clearly designed to provoke you.

“Too bad my mother wasn’t around to teach me that one.” you sigh bitterly with a huff through your nose while your eyes glaze with tears that you refuse to let fall.

“Ahh, so now it all makes sense.” Kevin says mockingly, before he rolls his eyes. “That would explain the trashy, cheap attitude. The lack of manners. The inability to act your age and the desire to sleep with anything with a pulse.”

“If you think I’m such trash why’d you take me to that gala tonight? Why are you paying me to pretend to be your girlfriend? You can’t get a woman to stick around for free?” you fix him with a challenging glare.

Kevin's jaw clenches in the presence of your challenging stare. He's used to intimidating people, and he's not used to being stared down so boldly.

However, he remains composed and calm, even though tension is clearly running beneath the surface.

"I thought I'd give you a chance. I thought there was a chance that I could fix you. I could turn someone as cheap, trashy, and low class as you into a respectable woman. Someone who could hold my arm proudly and be worthy of attending such events with me."

"Well if this is what your life is like I couldn’t think of anything more hellish. It's no wonder your wife killed herself!” you vomit the words out before you can control them and as soon as they leave you tongue your hand slams over your own mouth, wishing you could reel them back in.

A flash of raw, unfiltered rage flares in Kevin's eyes, his hands clenching into fists as he processes what you've just said.

There's a tense moment of silence as his thoughts run rampant, fighting for grip on his emotions. His face is contorted with anger as his jaw clenched tightly, his teeth grinding together angrily.

"I'll pretend you didn't say that," he says lowly, taking a deep breath as he tries to regain his composure.

"I'm sorry." you immediately apologise, your eyes filling with regret and sincerity as your anger dissipates while looking at him. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Damn right you shouldn't have." Kevin's tone remains harsh, and it's clear that the words still sting, despite trying his best to maintain his composed front.

"You're damned lucky I'm restraining myself right now and just reminding you that you've crossed a line. Now, be quiet so I can think about how I'm going to punish you."

You fall silent for the rest of the drive back to the hotel, keeping your eyes focused on the world outside as you drive by. It's not long until the limousine pulls up in front of the hotel lobby and the silence between the pair of you remains like a suffocating blanket as you ride the elevator together.

The tension is palpable as you arrive at the penthouse suite. With the door slamming shut behind you, Kevin turns to face you, his expression still full of simmering anger.

"Strip," he commands, pointing at you with a sharp jerk of his chin.

His eyes are like ice, and there's no mistaking the seriousness of his command. This punishment is just getting started, and it seems like you're only just beginning to understand the extent of his wrath.

Silently, you unzip the dress, letting gravity do the rest as it slips easily from your body to the plush carpet where you step out of it, leaving you wearing only your high heels, black lace lingerie and the dazzling necklace that still sits heavily against your collarbones.

Kevin's eyes narrow as he looks you over, taking in your figure in the black lingerie and the expensive necklace. His lips twist into a smirk, and he takes a step closer to you. His fingers reach out to gently trace the strap of your lacy bra before he tugs on it until it snaps back against your shoulder, making you jolt slightly.

“This too…” he only chuckles darkly at your flinch as he begins to circle around you as your trembling fingers fumble with the clasp of your bra.

“And these…” he adds with a harsh slap to your ass right over the fabric of your panties.

By the time he circles back around to your front, you’ve managed to discard your lingerie and his eyes are slowly trailing the length of your exposed body with a hum of approval.

“This…” Kevin tugs on the heavy necklace with a single finger, adding extra strain to your already aching neck. “…stays on.”

You part your lips, a protest on the tip of your tongue but before you can utter a single word, Kevin silences you with a single glare.

“You’ve ran your mouth enough for one night.” he speaks sharply with a commanding tone, leaving no doubt about who is in charge. “I pay you to do two things with it and neither of them involve talking. I don’t want to hear another word from you for the rest of the night unless it’s ‘yes, sir.’ Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.” you answer without hesitation.

“On your knees.” Kevin orders as he takes a step back and watches you sink to your knees on the plush carpet.

“I’m sure you don’t need instructions for the rest. You’re a professional, right?” he taunts you with a shit eating grin and you react to it with a glare as you look up at him but you stifle your quips, biting your tongue as your fingers work to undo his belt.

The buckle rattles as you unbutton his trousers and Kevin’s large hands find purchase in your hair. You’re met with the sight of his straight and rigid erection as it springs free from his boxers and stands to attention.

With your tongue, you kitten lick the salty pre-come dripping from his reddened tip before you wrap your eager lips around it. Kevin’s hands instantly tighten their grip against your scalp, keeping you held in place as he begins to set the place with his own thrusts into your warm mouth.

As you look up at him through your eyelashes, he gives a rough thrust of his hips until the blunt tip of his cock hits the back of your throat, making your eyes water as you instinctively try to pull your head back but his grip in your hair remains fast.

Kevin growls, feeling the constriction of your throat fluttering around his tip as he continues to push your limits with his forceful and steady pace with his eyes trained on the tears that drip from the corners of your watery eyes as you choke and fight the urge to gag.

“C’mon, baby. I thought you’d be used to choking on cocks by now.” Kevin’s voice strains with each thrust, the sound of pleasure influencing his breathy tone. “Is this one just too big for you, huh?”

He continues to thrust hard and fast, his grip on your hair unrelenting, as he watches you struggle with his size. The noise of your gagging and whimpering only fuels his desire, making him harder with each passing second.

“Maybe next time, you’ll remember to keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself.” Kevin punctuates each word with a forceful thrust, speaking through clenched teeth as he nears his climax.

Kevin's thrusts become more frantic, his breaths growing ragged as he nears his climax. The tears streaming down your face only serve to heighten his arousal, the sight of your pain and humiliation driving him closer to the edge.

"Swallow every drop, you ungrateful slut," he growls, his thrusts become more frantic and his breath grows ragged as his release creeps up on him.

With one final, powerful surge, burying himself deep in the back of your throat, he comes. His release fills your mouth and spills from the corners of your lips.

You cough and splutter as he finally slips out of your mouth with a trail of spit and come connecting from your lips to the tip of his softening cock before it drips down your chin and neck.

You’re panting heavily from your swollen lips, with a flushed face that’s covered with a mixture of sweat, tears, spit and come and your styled hair is ruined from Kevin’s forceful grip on it.

"Goddamn, you're a mess. Clean yourself up." he mutters as his gaze trails over your disheveled appearance with a look of disregard for your state as he walks past you, adjusting himself in his trousers while making his way to the mini bar to pour himself a drink.

"And next time, you’ll think twice before my wife’s name leaves your dirty mouth again.” you hear him shout over your shoulder.

⋆｡°✩ note: this is the first time I have written anything quite like this so I was kinda nervous. I hope it was enjoyable to read. Every reblog and comment is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for reading!

[zairas-realm-gateway]

Fic Excerpt: When Did We End Up Here?

Just a little peak at the first draft of my new VikJayce (Machine Herald/Giopara) fic. The fic follows Jayce's life events leading up to him and Viktor sleeping together. Over all the fic will be explicit but this excerpt is not. I would say late teens.

___

Jayce is twenty-four the first time he has sex with another person. The night had been a tumultuous knot of rotten emotions. It was Progress Day and he was being dragged to a party he didn't want to be at. The music was too loud. The chattering too incessant. It felt like his ears were bleeding as he cringed in a corner of the room. Clutching his drink so tightly the flute almost cracked in his grip.

“The nerve damage from glass wounds to the human palm can lead to loss of dexterity and fine motor control.” A warm, accented voice slices through the maddening cacophony swirling in Jayce's brain. It makes something in the back of his neck tingle. Blinking, he looks up from where he'd had his head bowed with his eyes scrunched up and spots the one speaking to him.

It's a young man close to his own age. His brown hair a bit wild and windswept but combed back enough to look somewhat presentable here. He's wearing a tuxedo of deep green with black and bronze accents. Expression cold and as blank as stone. He's leaning to his right, balancing his weight on his right leg and the cane he's clutching. He looks at Jayce expectantly for a long moment before nodding at Jayce's drink.

Jayce follows the motion with his eyes and blinks. Blushing softly as he notices the smallest crack in the glass from his vice grip. Dipping his head, he huffs and sets the glass down on some counter top nearby.

“It's rather loud in here, don't you think?” The stranger asks.

“Gods above, yes.” Jayce grumbles. Wincing as the song from the live band ends and the gathering begins to clap.

”I was going to take a minute to enjoy the quiet out on the balcony.“ The stranger starts again. ”Would you care to accompany me?“

”Why not? Anything to get away from these clamoring morons.“ Jayce says. A seething tinge to his tone. The stranger blinks at him before sweeping their hand towards a door nearby that opens out onto the balcony.

Jayce takes the leads, not slowing his long stride. The stranger is a bit slower with his limp but not offput by the walk and catches up to Jayce with companionable ease. Not looking putout in the least once they both reach the balcony's banister.

”There. Much better.“ The stranger starts once more. Cane gripped slightly in his hand, they lean on the railing. Looking out over the shimmering buildings of Piltover in the dark of night.

”Fuck. It's like I can hear again.“ Jayce huffs. Crossing his arms on the banister and leaning on it heavily. ”Why the hell is this stupid party even mandatory?“

”For show, of course.“ The stranger replies as he turns to lean properly on the railing. They bring their drink to their lips and sip slowly. ”What use is there for nameless students than to flaunt them before the social elite so they may pick their prized pony before buying it?”

Jayce tensed. His spine becoming rigid as his fists clench. He jerks his head to the side and sneered at the stranger. “I have a name! It's Jayce.”

“And I am Viktor.” The stranger offered easily, unphased by the venom in Jayce's tone. He moved his cane, tapping Jayce's hip. “But neither are names that hold intrinsic value to the houses of Piltover, now do they.”

Jayce deflated. The tension in his body melting to a miserable paste in his muscles. He hunched more, pressing his nose into the crook of his elbow.

Viktor watched him with dark, unblinking eyes. Setting down his glass on the banister, he scooted it towards Jayce. Curiosity glinting in their eyes as the larger man immediately uncurled and snatched up the drink, downing it.

Jayce should have felt weird or gross, drinking from some stranger's glass. But he didn't care. He wanted the buzz of the alcohol. Anything to make the night go faster. Except it felt like it barely tickled his brain. Jayce wasn't stupid, he knew why. The drinks here had a low alcohol count so the students being shown off wouldn't make fools of themselves. Fuck them!

Beside him, Viktor begins to talk and all of a sudden a different kind of buzz in happening in Jayce's brain. Viktor is descibing a project he's currently working on during his off time. Jayce misses the initial comment saying what the project is but that doesn't matter because all he can focus on is how Viktor's tongue wraps around those detailed explanations of the complex wiring configuration needed to connect the power source so that it doesn't blow the cheap wiring he's been given to work with.

Viktor's facing Piltover and talking to the open air. Air that it feels like Jayce isn't currently breathing. His chest stutters and he feels hot. That weird heat is boiling in his belly again. He's grateful he's leaning on something because his legs feel a little quivery. The sensation only growing more noticeable the more that his companion speaks. He's heard stories from Bilgewater about sirens ruining sailors and he wonders if this is what that feels like.

[Excerpt End]

[imaginecolby]

baby blues || c.b.

summary: when you tell colby you're pregnant, he gives you a reaction you definitely weren't expecting.

shoutout to my sweets @brocksblueroses for the prompt idea. <3

you and colby had been together for a number of years, and at this point had already started talking about marriage and children. it was something that you both wanted. however, you and him were currently in very busy stages of your life, and really didn't have time at the moment.

despite that, you and him were definitely not taking the necessary precautions to prevent pregnancy. 

"holy shit." you said with a sigh, staring down at the positive pregnancy test in your hands. this was the third pregnancy test you'd taken in two days, all of them coming back positive.

you quietly stepped out of the bathroom and maneuvered around the house. you found katrina in the living room, sitting on the couch. you caught her attention and waved her up to you. you led her into the bathoom and she stopped in her tracks when she saw the pregnancy tests on the counter. 

"shut up." she said, gasping as she saw that they were all positive. "y/n!" she squealed, turning to you with a wide smile on her face.

"i can't believe this." you said quietly as she held you in a hug. "what am i gonna tell colby?" you asked, the reality starting to set in.

"the truth? y/n, he loves you. he's gonna be excited about this. i know youve been talking about having kids at some point." she said, squeezing your shoulders. you pulled away and looked up at her, tears starting to well.

"yeah, but not this soon. we don't have the time for this right now." you sighed.

"you'll make the time. it'll work out." she said, hugging you again.

a few days passed since you took your last pregnancy test. you'd gone to the doctor just to confirm, and make sure everything was on the up and up. fortunately, it was.

when you came home that afternoon, katrina had a celebratory spread laid out on the counter. cake, treats, snacks, and sparkling water, a bouquet of congratulatory balloons sat in the middle of everything.

"what's all this?" you asked, walking over to her in the kitchen.

"we're celebrating! i know it's just the four of us here, but you deserve to be celebrated. you and colby both." she said. you flinched at the mention of his name.

"right." you sighed.

"you still haven't told him?" she asked, and you just shook your head.

"im scared!" you whisper yelled.

"well, you have about thirty seconds to get over that." she said, and you raised a brow at her. "boys! come downstairs!" she called.

"katrina! what the fuck!" you said, your heart racing in your chest.

"fifteen." she said, handing you a flute of sparkling water.

"what's all this?" sam asked as he and colby moved into the kitchen.

"what are we celebrating?" colby asked, moving to stand next to you. his arm wrapped around your shoulders as he took a flute of sparkling water into his hand. 

"well," you said, taking a deep breath. you pulled out of colby's arms and reached into your purse, pulling out the positive pregnancy tests, placing them into his hand. "i'm pregnant." you said softly.

you heard sam gasp, but your gaze was locked on colby. you watched as his eyes widened. his mouth had fallen open, and his brows were furrowed. 

"c'mon, lets give them a minute." katrina said, taking sam upstairs. 

"tell me what you're thinking. what you're feeling." you said, moving closer to him.

"you're messing with me. these aren't real." he said, tossing them on the counter with a huff.

"yes, they're real. this isn't something i would joke with you about." he said.

"we don't have the time for this right now! i have way too much on my plate and there's no way i can add this to the mix."

"you think i haven't been busy too? you think that i don't know that we don't really have the time for this?" you shot back. "why are you acting like this? we've talked about this being something that we wanted, but you're acting like you wanna take it all back."

"that's not what i said." 

"actions speak louder than words, babe. and your actions are yelling at me right now. you and i both know that we weren't doing everything we could to prevent this, so it was bound to happen eventually."

"i'm not dealing with this right now. or with you." he spat before storming off upstairs. you watched as he walked into his room, slamming the door behind him. you flinched as it sounded, the tears finally spilling over. 

you grabbed your keys and your purse, running out of the front door. you heard katrina calling out for you but you didn't stop. you pulled out of the driveway and sped down the street. you didn't know where you were going, but you knew you couldn't stay in that house.

your phone was buzzing in the cupholder next to you, phone calls and text messages coming through from katrina and sam. you ignored them and continued driving. you finally pulled over, the tears becoming too much to see through. 

you grabbed your phone, bypassing the messages, and scrolled to the message thread with your sister. you tapped on her icon to call her, her immediatley answering.

"hey, are you home? can i come over?" you asked, trying to hide the lump in your throat.

"yes, im here. come over." she said, without hesitation. you knew she could hear the sadness in your voice.

once you arrived at your sister’s, she answered the door with your nephew on her hip. the sight of them made you start sobbing on her porch. she immediately pulled you into her arms and hugged you tight before leading you inside. you sat on her couch sobbing into your hands before she spoke. 

“y/n, talk to me. whats going on?” she asked. 

“im pregnant.” you said, sitting up and wiping your face. 

“honey, thats great! but why does it seem like youre less than excited about that.”

“colby had not such a great reaction to it when i told him.” you said, sniffling and holding back the tears that were threatening to fall again.

“oh no. i thought you guys wanted this? what did he say?” she asked. 

you told her about the events that took place prior before you arrived. 

“i know he’s stressed and work has been busy for him. for both of us.  but he made seem like he didn't want this anymore. it made me feel like he didn’t want me anymore.” you sighed. 

“y/n, no. that's not true. that boy is head over heels in love with you. if he told you that he wanted to have a kid with you, then he means it. i do agree that he couldn't have taken his stress out on you, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want you. or want this with you. give him, and yourself, time to cool off before talking about it.” she said. 

you ended up spending the rest of the evening with your sister, hanging out with her and playing with your nephew. 

a few days passed before you and colby saw each other again. he had been texting you incessantly, but you weren’t ready to talk to him just yet. 

“colby, what hell is wrong with you?” katrina asked him as she and sam sat with him on the couch. “that girl loves you and wants nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with you. and i know you want that too. now that its finally happening for you, you wanna throw it all away?” 

“no, i dont wanna throw it all away. i want to be a father. i want to marry y/n. i love her more than anyone or anything in this world. i was having a bad day and took that out on her, and i know i shouldn’t have. but now she’s ignoring my calls and my texts, im afraid i fucked this up beyond repair.” 

“well, it looks like you're gonna have to do more than that. prove to her that you’re ready for this.” katrina said to him. 

and with that, he sprung into action. he got dressed and drove to the store. flowers, candy, and the biggest teddy bear he could find. 

“hopefully these will help.” he said to himself after leaving the store. he drove to your apartment, taking a deep breath before knocking on the door. 

you answered the door and inhaled sharply when you saw him standing outside. 

“what are you doing here?” you asked quietly. 

“can i come in?” he asked, chin resting on the top of the teddy bear’s head. you nodded and ushered him in, watching as he walked over to the living room. you stood there quietly before he spoke again.

“baby’s first teddy.” he said softly, waving the paw at you. you stared at him, suddenly overcome with emotion. you ran over to him, the teddy bear fell to the floor as his arms opened to accept your hug. 

“i love you so much.” you said, your voice muffled by his chest. 

“i love you so much.” colby repeated, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. he pushed you away and held your face in his hands, thumbs running across your cheeks. “we need to talk.”

you nodded and followed him over to the couch. he took your hands in his, pressing a kiss to each of them. 

“y/n, i am so incredibly sorry. i know that i hurt you, and im so incredibly sorry for that. i was having a bad day, and i’ve been so overwhelmed with everything. but i know that doesn’t excuse how i spoke to you.”

“i appreciate your apology. emotions were high and we both kinda let them blow up.” you sighed, and colby nodded in agreement. “i hate that we let things happen like that, but your reaction made me feel like shit.”

“i know, and i’m sorry. i felt like shit after you left. i didn’t leave my room for two days.”

“i’ve been cooped up here for two days.” you laughed. you turn to face him completely, taking his hands in yours. “but we’re together now. how are we feeling?” you asked.

“nervous. excited. every emotion all at once.” he said, and you nodded in agreement. you reached towards your purse and rifled through it, pulling out your printed ultrasound from your doctor’s visit.

“there’s our baby.” you said, pointing out the tiny little dot that your doctor identified as your baby.

colby was speechless. you watched as his eyes started watering, a look of joy spreading across his face. this was the reaction you wanted to get from him.

“oh my god. i can’t believe we’re going to be parents.” he said softly, his gaze locked on the paper in his hands. you lifted his chin to meet your gaze again.

“and you’re really ready for this? this is something we both want, right?” you asked him.

“more than anything. y/n, i love you, and having a baby is something we already talked about wanting. i know it’s not an ideal time right now, for either of us. but we’ll make it work. i love you and i could never live with myself knowing that i let you go through this alone.” he said. you could fell the sincerity behind his words, and you were beyond happy to know that you were about to embark on the biggest adventure of your relationship.

later that night, you and colby were still in your apartment, getting ready for bed. you were laying down in bed, already starting to fall asleep, when you felt the mattress shift. you opened your eyes, and saw colby’s head next to your belly, the palm of his hand pressing against it.

“hi baby. this is your daddy. i don’t know if you can hear me yet, but i hope you know that your mommy and i are already so excited to see you. it’s been a crazy few days, adjusting to the news of your arrival, but we can’t wait until you’re here with us, and we can hold you and see you.” he spoke softly, his lips pressing just above your belly button. 

he moved to the head of the bed, situating on his pillows. you rolled over to face him, moving to press a kiss to his lips.

“you’re gonna be a great dad.” you said softly.

“you’re gonna be a great mom.” he said with a smile, kissing you again.

you both made yourself comfortable in bed, colby’s arms tight around your waist, your back flush to his chest. you felt yourself get misty as a small tear ran down your cheek.

this was going to be huge adjustment, but you knew that you and colby were up to the task. you knew that, as long as you were together, you and colby were going to be great parents, and you were gonna raise a great kid.

[pandenewie]

RULE FOUR: Don't Fall In Love

Prev | Masterlist | Next

Y/n and Niki kissed.

They kissed. On the mouth. And Niki has no one to talk to about it.

According to him and his stupid lie, he had his first kiss a month ago, with Y/n, watching the sunset. If he suddenly starts freaking out about his first kiss now, his friends will all know that he made the first one up and the whole lie will be revealed.

Niki momentarily considers confiding in Eunchae but the idea is short-lived after the quick realisation that she will rip him to shreds. In a dilemma, the boy turns to the only other person he would be even slightly vulnerable with - Kim Jongseob.

“I'm not giving you any more money, Riki. I told you, the school vending machines are overpriced and the Kit-Kats aren't even that good.” Jongseob sighs, trying to quicken his pace and out-walk Niki. Unfortunately, due to Niki's long legs, he catches up almost immediately.

“What? No, this isn't about that.” Niki shakes his head, grabbing Jongseob's arm and leading him in the opposite direction. “Dude? I've got flute practice!” Jongseob exclaims, only earning an eye roll from Niki. “Fuck your flute teacher, this is more important.”

As the rest of the students clear out and go home for the day, Niki pulls Jongseob to the side of one of the now empty corridors. “I need advice about Y/n.” He states plainly, causing Jongseob to look at him with a deadpan expression. “That’s what you wanted to talk about?” There’s an irritated tone to Jongseob’s question. “Can’t you ask Sunghoon or something? He’s literally in a relationship.” Niki scoffs at this suggestion. “Sunghoon gives the worst relationship advice known to man. Besides, he can’t know about this, so I figured I’d ask the next best person.” 

“I’ve never had a girlfriend?” Jongseob looks at Niki, puzzled. “That doesn’t matter, we’re talking about me, here.” Niki waves off, only adding to his friend’s confusion. “Okay… what did you need advice on?” 

Niki’s face heats up at the thought of what he’s about to admit to Jongseob. It’s not the fact that he hasn’t had his first kiss yet (or hadn’t until yesterday). But the fact that he is about to admit that his relationship is fake causes embarrassment to pool in the pit of his stomach. Still - he needs to talk to someone about this before his thoughts and feelings eat him alive.

“I kissed Y/n.” Niki blurts out, not sure how else to bring up the topic. Jongseob raises an eyebrow simply at Niki, “Okay? You guys are dating.” He states as if Niki had forgotten the fact. “Well… that’s the thing… we’re kinda not actually dating.”

Jongseob has never been more confused in his life. “My friends have been giving me shit for being single and I kinda snapped and told them that Y/n and I were together.” Niki admits. “Why the hell would you do that?” Jongseob asks, laughing slightly at his friend's stupidity. “I don’t know! You should know by now that I say shit without thinking.” Niki frowns, earning a sigh from Jongseob.

“Okay - so let me guess, you're freaking out because you're starting to catch feelings?” Jongseob reads Niki like a book, sighing when he sees Niki's sheepish smile. “You're insane.” He adds. “I don't need you to belittle me! I need you to tell me what to do.” Niki whines, stomping his foot like a child. “Just tell them! The worst that can happen is they don’t like you back and break up with you - well, fake break up. And that would have to happen eventually anyway since you can’t just pretend to date for the rest of your lives so, really, you have nothing to lose.” Jongseob attempts to reason.

It falls silent between the two as Niki takes in Jongseob’s words. “Don’t tell me you were considering fake dating Y/n for the rest of your life?” Jongseob asks, his eyes widening slightly. “I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind…” Niki mumbles, Jongseob releasing yet another sigh in response. “You’re hopeless, dude.”

To say Niki was surprised to see Y/n waiting outside his classroom before lunch would be an understatement. “Uh… hey Y/n, what are you doing here?” Niki asks, cringing at his awkwardness. Y/n’s eyebrows furrow at his question. “Aren’t we going to have lunch together?” They ask.

Lunch? Niki had completely forgotten about lunch. He assumed Y/n wouldn't even be talking to him today - let alone spending time with him like everything is completely normal.

“Oh.. haha, yeah. Slipped my mind for a second. Let me just grab my bag.” Niki laughs. “It's on your back.” Y/n points out, holding back their laughter as Niki's eyes widen. “Oh yeah… tricked ya!” He says, ruffling Y/n's hair before striding off down the hall.

Y/n quickly runs after him, slipping their hand into his once they've caught up. The action causes Niki's heartbeat to quicken - a simple touch sending his brain into overdrive. This is going to be a long lunch.

It's silent between the two when they finally sit down on the bleachers - their usual lunch spot. Without a word, Y/n pulls their hand from Niki's and begins eating their lunch. Sighing at the lost contact, Niki does the same.

“Look Y/n… I think we need to talk about-”

“I'm so sorry!”

Y/n cuts off Niki's sentence with their sudden outburst, causing the boy to turn to them, confused. Y/n's head is practically hung in shame as they look at Niki, a small frown on their lips. “We agreed to just kiss on the cheek and that's what you were doing but I turned at the last minute and practically stole your first kiss. I'm so sorry, Riki.”

Niki looks at Y/n, puzzled. “Uh… I'm not mad, Y/n. It was an accident.” Niki’s words do little to ease Y/n’s feelings. “Well, yeah, but it was your first kiss. And I just took it from you like it meant absolutely nothing. You were probably wanting to have it with someone really special.” Y/n mumbles. Niki finds it adorable how much meaning Y/n seems to put into a first kiss. He didn’t care nearly as much as they were making him out to. And besides, to him, he technically did have it with someone special - they just didn’t happen to know.

“Well… if we’re going by that logic, then I stole your first kiss as well. So we’re both to blame.” Niki shrugs. Trying to ease the atmosphere, Niki gently nudges Y/n with his shoulder. “Cheer up, it was an accident, Y/nnie.” Y/n laughs dryly, looking up at Niki for the first time throughout the entire conversation. “You’re right… we can just forget it happened.” They smile.

Wait. That’s not what Niki wanted.

“Haha. Yeah, right.”

“Okay… what happened?”

Y/n doesn’t know whether to be grateful or displeased with how easily Danielle knows them. She can pick up on any change in emotion - no matter how small. It’s great for when Y/n needs someone to talk to but not so much when there’s something on their mind that they don’t want to talk about.

Sighing, Y/n looks up at their friend. They know that the frustration is evident on their face, based on the way Danielle’s lips turn downwards into a slight pout. “Talk to me, Y/nnie.” She whispers, careful not to be caught talking by Mr Yoon.

“It’s complicated.” Y/n whispers back. Just as Danielle is about to ask further questions, the sound of someone clearing their throat snaps the two out of their bubble. They turn to see Mr Yoon standing next to their desk, a slightly disappointed look on his face as he looks down at them with a quirked brow.

“Y/n, you can tell Danielle all about your boyfriend later.” Mr Yoon jokes, causing Y/n’s face to burn bright red. “Now, unless you want me to join in on this little gossip session, I suggest you get back to work.” He adds, tapping the desk with his finger before walking back towards the front of the classroom.

The last 15 minutes of class feel like they drag on forever as Danielle continues to try and get information out of Y/n. However, scared of getting caught again by Mr Yoon, Y/n ignores her pleas.

Finally, the bell rings for the end of class and Danielle practically drags Y/n out of the room. “CODE RED, CHAE!” Danielle calls to their third friend as the two walk towards their usual table. Danielle pushes Y/n to sit next to Eunchae before sitting on their other side, successfully trapping Y/n between the two of them.

“I think it’s about N-I-K-I.” Danielle spells out. “You can say his name, Dani. He’s not a curse.” Y/n rolls their eyes, causing Danielle to shrug. “I’m just being careful; maybe you’re sensitive.”

“I’m confused.” Eunchae says, earning a sigh from Y/n. “You and me both.” It’s silent between the friends for a moment before Y/n finally relents, sharing everything that’s gone down with Niki.

“We kissed. It was an accident but it still happened. And now everything is weird.”

Well… that certainly wasn't what the girls were expecting. “Weird… how?” Danielle asks. “Like, not how we used to be. It’s like neither of us know how to act anymore.” Y/n sighs, earning a stifled laugh from Eunchae. “Oh my god, you guys are so hopeless, it's adorable.”

Y/n furrows their brows at their friends' words, their heads tilted in confusion. “What do you mean?” They ask. “You guys are acting weird because you like each other.” Eunchae points out, her words causing Y/n's face to immediately flush a bright red tint. “What? No, we don't-”

“Oh my God, you're right! The only thing separating the fake relationship from a real one was the kissing. Now that you guys have crossed that boundary, you found out that it's not really fake anymore and neither of you know what to do.” Danielle exclaims, clapping her hands as if she's just solved one of the world's greatest mysteries. “Uh.. I think the thing separating a fake and real relationship is the feelings.” Y/n replies, only to be waved off by their friends. “Don't play dumb, Y/n. Those are obviously there.”

“Think about it. What are either of you getting out of this? It's basically just a relationship trial run. Eunchae points out. “Okay, even if I did have a crush on Niki - there's no way he'd feel the same.” Y/n sighs. “Oh babe, you're blind.” Danielle laughs. “Do you think he just runs around, playing boyfriend for everyone?” 

“You can find out for yourself if you don't believe us.” Eunchae shrugs, causing Y/n to look at her confused. “Pay attention to how he acts around, what he says and does. Then you'll see.”

Y/n assumed Eunchae's words were a load of rubbish. Sure, Niki is sweet and all but there's no special treatment or obvious signs that point to him liking Y/n anymore than a friend.

That’s until Y/n sees him waiting outside their classroom, his school bag slung over one shoulder and another mysterious bag in his hand. Niki looks up with shining eyes as he hears y/n approaching.

“Are you ready to go to the library? I already grabbed all your art stuff.” Niki smiles, the action causing Y/n's heart to swell. “You grabbed all of it?” They ask in awe. Niki nods simply. “I might've forgotten something, though. You can check if you want.” He says, going to open the bag before Y/n stops him. “I'm sure I can use whatever you got. Thank you, Riki.” He smiles proudly at Y/n's words, readjusting the bag in his grip before the two start walking to the library.

Now that Eunchae has mentioned it, Y/n can’t help but pay attention to all the little things Niki does for them. The way he absolutely refuses to let them carry their own bag. How he makes them walk on the side of the path furthest from the road. Things they wouldn’t have even batted an eye at previously now cause their heart to flutter. Even the way he sits there, tapping away on his phone, Y/n can’t help but watch him in admiration.

“Y/n?”

The sudden call of their name snaps Y/n out of their thoughts. They look up to see Niki looking down at them, his head tilted slightly with confusion. “You were spacing out.” He speaks, gently poking the space between their eyebrows - his touch easing out the tension Y/n hadn’t even noticed was there.

Come on, Y/n. Get your act together!

Just one day ago, everything was perfectly fine between the two of them. Now, one kiss and some newly discovered feelings later, it’s as if Y/n has no idea how to speak to Niki. “Yeah… I’m fine. Just a little distracted is all.” Y/n mumbles. “You can’t think of what to draw?” Niki asks, his question causing Y/n to shake their head with a small pout. 

“Do you wanna watch me play Minecraft?” It’s an odd question - Y/n’s not entirely sure how it’s supposed to help. They find themself agreeing nonetheless, pulling their chair up next to Niki’s. “I’ll give you a tour of my world - maybe it’ll spark some creativity.” Niki says. Even the way he talks about Minecraft somehow gets them blushing.

As Niki begins to play, Y/n can’t help the way their body naturally gravitates towards his warmth. Is it cold in the library? Or is it just the already close proximity increasing Y/n’s need for physical contact? Either way, Y/n finds themself leaning closer to Niki, their head moving to gently lean on Niki’s shoulder as their eyes focus on the phone screen. Niki adjusts slightly in his seat, the movement causing Y/n to immediately pull away. Just as they’re about to mumble an apology, Niki’s hand moves up to gently cup the side of their head. Without looking away from his phone, Niki gently guides Y/n’s head to lay back on his shoulder, stroking their hair a few times before moving his hand to its original position.

Y/n has to stop themself from screaming out loud. They push themself further into Niki’s body, squishing their cheek against his shoulder to stop any noise from coming out. It also does wonders in hiding their blushing face, something they’re grateful Niki is not paying attention to at the moment. The two sit in silence, the only sound coming from Niki’s phone as he kills spiders or whatever the hell he’s doing. Y/n’s not paying much attention anymore - their mind overwhelmed with thoughts. However, through the hazy mess of feelings in their brain, there is one clear idea that keeps replaying over and over again.

Y/n likes Niki.

Y/n really likes Niki.

TAG LIST: @j-wyoung @thesassy-mia @luvistqrzzz @yourmyst4r @heerinnie @odisdad @wzy3ka @mrchweeee @rizzkisworld @beomsbeanie @ablackbtsstan @sweet-kisses-and-bloody-screams @kang-yeosangs-initials @wildflowermooon @k1ttylvr @pinapplefntacupss @luva1y @microwvdstrawb3rri3s @en-happiness @haechansbbg @ashiitex @nuttyenthusiastdaze @coolwitu @schniti-is-in-the-house @wrosie-writes @beomgyusonlywife @jesssssmaybankk

[rosyfingered-moon]

2023 drama roundup

Unchained Love: I still hum the unhinged flute intro on a regular basis, easily my fave intro of 2023! I didn't actually finish the show due to dwindling interest, but for the first 14 episodes or so I took a keen pleasure in it (and it made me go on a eunuch webnovel spree, expertly curated by @mercipourleslivres). I love it when heroines are allowed to be truly funny, rather than just quirky or ditzy. Also appreciate the goofy Lamp Prince turning into a brutal incel tyrant the moment he got power.

Six Flying Dragons: I don't think I can write anything succinct enough for the roundup format so I direct you to my "my sfd tag" if you want to access my enthused livetweeting. Show of all times, lives were changed.

Tree with Deep Roots: I literally can't think of a better topic for a tv show than Sejong the Great constructing hangul together with his band of nerds, one of whom he has a weirdly intense, vaguely erotic relationship with. Han Suk-kyu carried this entire show on his trembling shoulders. What an actor! What range!!! It was such a treat to watch him smugly debate his ministers, roleplay a farmer, and hiss half-mad soliloquies to himself in the dark. It took nuance and depth to portray the kind of inner conflicts and generational trauma that Sejong battles in the background of this drama. To be honest I didn't always enjoy the Milbon subplot which I felt got repetitive, and often found myself wanting to fast-forward the wuxia scenes. In a better world the show would have centered the whip-smart palace maids and their alphabet workshops. But I will definitely rewatch this soon. And maybe also write a fix-it where Sejong and Soo-yi fuck idk.

Quartet: Cute little murder mystery about a found family of freaks, liked it a lot.

My Country: The New Age: As entertaining as ever. Very fun to rewatch this back to back with Tree with Deep Roots, since Jang Hyuk plays diametrically opposite characters with the same vigor and commitment.

Gone with the Rain: Sometimes you watch something which you understand is technically a masterpiece but it doesn't do anything for you, and sometimes you watch a piece of campy silly fun and it makes you tingle with joy. This was the latter category for me. I liked the first and middle parts enough to make up for the lukewarm fizzle of an ending.

The Autumn Ballad: Has some fucked up elements that are difficult to stomach, but the parts that are good are really good.

Not Others: Bingeable! But imo they could have cut out the stalker/murder cases and just focused on the excellent family drama.

The Matchmakers: This surprisingly swooped in towards the end of the year as my favorite comedy of 2023, all thanks to a rec by @haraxvati. I adore Cho Yi-hyun in this role!!! She is so hot as a shrewd matchmaker with a fake mole and a twinkle in her eye. Love the virgin prince with his yearning-induced panic attacks (Rowoon didn't work for me in The King's Affection in a quite similar role, but he's so much weirder and lamer here, which is something I like in a man). I am obsessed with the side plot of the crossdressing romance novelist and the solemn police officer who is trying to capture her and ends up giving her free home renovations and smouldering looks instead. Also, Park Ji-Young and Lee Hae-Young are two of my favorite villain actors on their own, and here they are married!! Still have a few episodes to go, but I intend to binge them as soon as I post this.

Dramas I dropped or paused:

Our Blossoming Youth: I shipped the heroine and her cute maidservant a little too much to bear the dull prince they stuck her with. But I might rewatch it some day bc I want to write a Sherlock Holmes fic for the girls.

Little Women: A real disappointment, because I love Louisa May Alcott and I love Jeong Seo-kyeong. Once again, letting the women kiss might have solved much of it.

Island: Casting Kim Nam-gil as an expressionless cool-guy action hero offends me personally. (Yes Song of the Bandits I'm giving you the stinky eye also.) But Lee Da-hee and Cha Eun-woo were delightful!

See you in my 19th life: I couldn't, even for my most darling Shin Hye-sun, go beyond episode 1. There's something about a kid dating another kid even though she's a literal adult inside her brain that I can't really vibe with.

My Dearest: I do intend to finish this, but I lost the thread after the first half. It got a little too dark for me I think.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

I love your nuanced takes. They are always a joy to read.

I'd be curious which songs, beatles or solo, do you think they wrote for/about each other and their situation (beatles&solo).

You don't have to go into great detail on them if you don't wanna.

Hope you have a great day. <3

Hi anon :) Glad you enjoy my takes! Hope you have a great day too <3

Preface that while I think this is fun, I really don't generally think songs are a good vehicle to extrapolate about the real life of these people. So, I try not to base my analyses of them as people on these songs, even the ones I feel more strongly about.

I'll categorize these by how certain I am about them (and I'll leave out confirmed stuff like Too Many People, Early 1970, How Do You Sleep?, Run of the Mill, Here Today etc.)

If you have a question re: why some specific song is in this category and not the other I can try to explain, though some of it is admittedly just vibes (and since I try to separate this from the Main Analysis™, I feel okay utilizing the vibes as a justification at times lol) If I left a song off you'd like my take on feel free to ask as well.

Close to positive:

Day Tripper is imho at least partially about Paul. This one feels so obvious to me, given what John said about it and the timeline (written squarely before Paul took LSD, conveniently after the whole LA fiasco), yet I rarely see people talking about it. Sad! It could also be partially about Cynthia.

Tug of War: Paul said it was about John in 1982 but then retconned that. IDK why he did that but. Come on!

I Know (I Know): I nearly put this one a tier lower but the I've Got A Feeling intro and the way it fits in the timeline. The Getting Better reference. It matching up with Paul's description of them tripping together + "share in each other's mind". It's too much.

A compelling case can be made:

In My Life: it makes a lot of sense. But Paul isn't the only likely muse IMO. he might be the most likely one, I'm not sure. I Know (I Know) makes me tend more to it though, admittedly.

3 Legs: yeah. Probably! It's not entirely clear to me what he's expressing outside a feeling of betrayal though.

Oh! Darling: Likely about John, but perhaps actually about the band as a whole.

The Answer's at the End: the way George quoted that same saying when asked about Paul in that live chat… THE IMPLICATIONS! (at least that maybe George came to associate the song with Paul later on?)

Remember: I tend to think this song is specifically about running away from the Beatles. There's more sadness in it, given John references Bring It On Home in the lyrics.

Who Can See It: this one also appears to be about George's general relationship with the Beatles. I don't think this is a hot take but no one talks about this song lol. I love it!

Cafe On The Left Bank: the song referencing Charles de Gaulle making a speech does place this quite firmly in the 60s. It's not really a love song though so I don't get why people consider this one such a win lol. It seems to mostly be about the city of Paris itself.

I like to think it's true but am admittedly not sure:

Call Me Back Again: it's a vague song, really. But damn… those mellotron flutes.

#9 Dream: IDK. this versus "The dream is over". the production-style. I like reading this song as a reconciliation with The Beatles as a concept.

Little Lamb Dragonfly: the whole being haunted by the dragonfly even though you're trying to move on thing :/

No Words: COME ON??????? but the Denny writing credit does puzzle me lol.

Crippled Inside: it would be soooooo devastating @ Paul!!! (probably only partially, possibly also self-directed)

Could have been inspired by the other but not necessarily in the way people think:

Some People Never Know: I do think Paul felt John was cynical in the way he's describing in this song. (I don't really think I Know (I Know) is a response to this song btw)

Silly Love Songs: ditto. He is Not fucking saying "I love you" (romantically) to John in the song he's duetting with his wife lol. but it could be a cheeky lil nod.

We Can Work It Out: I believe Paul when he says this was written about a fight he'd had with Jane. But Paul was also in conflict with John at the time (again, the LSD thing), thus I think that might have in some way informed his outlook when writing this. And John may have been thinking about their conflict while writing his part.

Let Me Roll It: it sounds a lot like John, yeah! but idk about the lyrics.

Look At Me: it could be about Paul, but it could be about the whole world, really. It's more a wish to be seen and understood really.

Dear Boy: I'm annoyed by people insisting Paul is lying when he says the inspiration is Linda's ex-husband. She's co-credited (and she actually isn't credited on every Ram song. I don't think the credit was "handed" to her, at least not at this point in time)! That being said, Paul may have bonded with Linda over feeling unappreciated in their previous life situations.

Yvonne's The One: Look. I think John's death really shifted how Paul felt about telling people he loved them. That may well have influenced the lyrics song. I don't think it's necessarily that literal.

However Absurd: ditto. This song is even more abstract so it feels even less literal.

?????? Who Knows

If I Fell: usually I think no it couldn't possibly. But– (And I don't find that Valentines card very compelling, no. but it's just like: well then who else would this song John called very personal about? I guess, for all I know, it could even be Brian. wow!)

Girl: I mean. Maybe! Sort of. They also said at the time it was about religion, and that makes a lot of sense, but it could still be that the character of the girl was inspired by how John felt about Paul at the time.

I'm So Tired: it seems equally likely to be about Yoko to me.

Don't Let Me Down: ditto. Actually. this one's more likely Just about Yoko tbh.

I'm Losing You: maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe. but also. Yoko.

Now And Then: genuinely who knows. this one's admittedly stranger for Yoko but… they did "interrupt" their relationship often, requiring to "start again". Also May is an option.

The Pound Is Sinking: Mostly, I don't know how straightforward it is.

Honestly… Not really

(Just Like) Starting Over: the "My Love", "Another Day", "Wings" thing has never compelled me, based on those being OLD songs by 1980, plus none of the phrasing or word choice is particularly conspicuous to me. But I also don't feel very strongly that it's not about Paul. It could be, though I don't know that I'd assume it was meant as a direct declaration of love then. Also the line before being a reference to Through The Looking Glass is neither here nor there. Since when is John Lennon dropping Lewis Caroll references only reserved for Paul? that feels like putting the cart before the horse, based on one single lyric in Glass Onion.

I've Got A Feeling: I think he's just saying words here, tbh.

Real Love: if it's about Paul that's fucking depressing. But I don't think it is really.

[minecraftfanatic]

A continuation of the below link:

Why was he doing this again?

"And here I was expecting you to prefer beer. How civilized of you."

For real Kiyoshi, wherever you were now, you owed Lucan the biggest favor of your life. The minute this was over he was going to retire to this nice tree house filled with strong branches, bridges, and geared to the nine in lights and traps and whatever Niika could cook.

"Sticking to the silent treatment? In front of your host no less? I thought you knew better, what with your friend in custody." Skorch poured himself a second bottle from whoever owned this restaurant. Privately Lucan apologized, commiserating with the terrified staff--hard to hold it against strangers for wanting to stay alive, overlord wining and dining with some nobody using their fancy crystal flute glasses. He didn't want to be here anymore than they did but Marcus was counting on him and he needed the man's muscles as much as he needed all that iron he was melting.

Props to the chefs, cooking's ten out of ten. Didn't know what he was eating but it was good stuff.

"I'm glad to see you like dinner. I ensured it was edible beforehand."

It took Lucan a solid minute to parse it out. "Wait, you made this?"

That smug bastard had the audacity to smirk at him, sipping his wine like some cheap book antagonist. "Did you think I spent all my time working?"

"Yes." He made this? Ugh, he took back everything good he said--trashy, weird, deserved nothing good in life to waste ingredients like that. First chance he got he's washing it all down in cider, then he'll check if Niika's got anymore of that fish pottage. He doesn't care if it got beetroot and pumpkin mashed together so long as-

...Why was he frowning like Lucan spat at him? "What, cat got your tongue?" Oh thank god no Felina heard that, "Not like it's my fault you're so busy everyday that all we see is you beating some random old lady for her groceries."

Okay, he didn't actually see that (but that would totally happen) due to living in the wilderness and trying to organize a plan. Honestly, if it wasn't for one of his ex-inmates ratting him out he'd be long gone by now but noooooo. Now Lucan was in this bizarre dinner with Netheran slavemasters who showed off how rich and powerful they were by dazzling feeble minds with their cooking prowess.

...At this rate, he was going to drink his brains out.

"You have a point," huh? "I've been making rounds to remind Felden exactly who holds their leash, but why not delegate? It would be easy to fill ranks." Uhhhhhhhh that's not what he meant. At all. "I know more than a few who've been chomping for a glimpse of glory. A few checks to ensure competence and I'd finally have some free time."

"Holy shit, I was just joking." Lucan blurted out. Dude, don't do that--he was trying to organize a rebellion here! He was NOT apologizing to Niika on how a simple recruitment exploded into Nether reinforcements. Hells, he didn't want to explain this dinner either! "Also, why are you listening to me--screw that, why are we even here? You literally made me sit and eat for an hour so what's the point?"

"Little rabbit, do you honestly have no clue why we're here?" Smug prick why don't you move that mug closer where I can-- "You're the one that started it. I'm simply reciprocating your affections by the traditional approach."

Lucan stared.

Stared.

Staaaaareeeed.

"Are you quite done yet?" The sheer punchableness shocked Lucan back into reality, gawking at Skorch like that napkin he was dabbing his mouth with was a live toad.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????"

"...Rude."

"Rude my--affections! In case you didn't notice genius, I never said I loved you. PERIOD!"

"Love is a different matter," Skorch replied blandly, "Let's stick to endearment for now."

"That's the same thing!" Oh HELL NAW! Lucan was not doing this. What did this loon think he was in--a theatre drama? Pushing out of his chair he goes, "Look, I'm sorry you got the wrong idea this whole trip but I'm definitely not into you that way and this was a sorta nice night but I've really gotta get going and--"

"Find your pet?" He can't breathe. His brain stops working, Skorch is smiling, bugs are crawling up the table leg on his right, and he can't breathe. "You've done a fantastic job doing the work for us. I was wondering where you were ever since my subordinates reported your pet's arrival, but then you walked up to my door." Giving a glance at Lucan's untouched wine Skorch refilled his cup. "But please, do go on ahead. It would help track down your pet." Glass softly chinked on green table covers trimmed gold. "It would be irresponsible of me to leave a frightened kitten alone in the dark. Isn't that right little rabbit?"

Lucan pushed his chair back in place.

[sillygoofyqueer]

The Untamed review: episode seven!!!!!!!

I should be fucking revising, instead I'm watching gay people

Nice scenery

LAN YI!!! My idol. I love you.

You're a one woman army and you're so so strong

She is shooketh by the thought of meeting another Sanren disciple awwww

I'm sobbing violently, she's so happy

SHE LIVED IN SECLUSION BECAUSE SHE MISSED YOU!!!

Who let Wangji and Wuxian in?? They're like stray cats

Nooo, Lan Yi....

Literally, Wuxian asking the right questions

THE. WHAT.

Xue Yang, you WORMHOLE

They ARE being silly, aren't they.

So how does one get the fuck out of them

The WHAT?? COLD POND CAVE

L-Lan Yi??? Don't go??? Please!!!! I love you so much

GET DOWN, WUXIAN, ON WANGJI'S BEHALF

Go on, Wuxian, you're stuck together

Hahaha the jutted chin towards Wangji

EW KILL IT WITH FIRE

WEN QING!!

WEN NING?! MY BABY NO

The boys have to work together now, hahaha

Wen Qing is honestly so so pretty, and so so ingenious

They're both looking for him toootalllyyyy

Only Cheng could recognise Wuxian literally screaming around

Hola pretty boy, let me fall on top of you. PLATONICALLY.

Maybe...untie him??? Also, stop dragging him around, Wangji.

Of course you didn't, Wuxian.

They look so gay like that, I think Wangji's in shock

"Wei Wuxian!" I don't know why Wuxian is smiling, I'd rather face an army over an angry sibling

What a gay situation you two are in hahahaha, not suspicious at all

A WHOLE DAY AND NIGHT??

Oh shit. The whole family has been looking

Wen Qing looking so pretty in the back.

Wen Qing, you aren't actually allowed to know. It's a secret.

Wangji looking at Wuxian for his reaction.

WUXIAN BEING THE LITERAL BEST LIAR AND THE SMILE TOWARDS WANGJI.

Wangji looks very pleased...

Wen Qing, stop it, I love you

The fuck is going on? We being treated to Xichen's expert flute playing.

They are all horrified

Wuxian looks terrified hahaha

THEY KNEW AND DIDN'T TELL YOU??? Booo.

Everyone's telling Wuxian he's smart, he's going to get an ego.

Okay, so, there's a lot of lore going on, but I'm guessing that Qiren has been going to Nie clan (Nie Mingjue) to talk about this growing issue, and Xichen has been holding down the fort here. They knew about the Yin Tiger Tally (that's what it's called in the danmei, I've forgotten it's name in this) but didn't expect it to reveal itself to Wangxian.

Wen owl thing, this can't be good

Is it trying to break through the border??? What the fuck?

WEN CLAN IS GOING FOR IT

It's hard to make funny comments when this is just lore 😔

Although, I do respect that Qiren is finally letting Wuxian be in the tea party (gossip session)

Ah, using it as a tracking device!!

The nod between Wangxian is so sweet

So just...hide it away? As if.

Wangji is literally bringing up good points, don't try and ignore them!

Wuxian is so eager to pledge promises, he's like a little kid. I love him.

"WEI WUXIAN!!! WEI WUXIAN!!!!! Second young master Lan. WEI WUXIAN!!!" Huaisang, my beloved

Huaisang has way too much trust in Wuxian, I would not trust this dumbass to look after himself

Literally throwing Wangji under the bus, no remorse hahaha

Wangji is so stoic, HE'S MEWING!!!

Cheng looks so suspicious lmao

Bro is about to tell Huaisang something and Wangji looks either concerned or jealous, I can't decide

BRO IS MAKING UP LITERAL BULLSHIT

The way Wangji relaxes

Wuxian gets the strangest joy from scaring the shit out of Huaisang and I am living for it

"never mind, don't tell me, don't wanna know" me too, Huaisang, me too

Lanterns???

Cheng approaching from behind like the next boss fight

Ohhh, he's jealous of Wangji lmaooo

The little exhale and smile on Cheng's face as Wuxian reassures him 😭 they're brothers

AND WANGJI'S JEALOUS OF HIM HAHAHA

Oh, he looks so sad, I feel really bad for him now. I want to cry.

Or maybe he's realising he's in love. One of the two

XUE YANG, YOU'RE LOOKING PARTICULARLY SLUTTY TODAY /pos

One of the Wens, who fucking knows which one at this point

Oh, Wen Chao.

Xue Yang has literally no chill.

HE LOOKS SO PLEASED OH MY LORD.

How the fuck is Wen #243 sitting like that?? Cannot be comfy

Bro is going to go feral in Yueyang

Literally just you wait, don't underestimate the Lans

HAHA YOUR FATHER DOESN'T LOVE YOU.

Awwz they're all making lanterns

Jiang Yanli, you are such a sweetheart but you can do better than Jin Zixuan. If he's who you want, I love you for it, but WEN QING!!!

"shall we make a lantern together and wish because we've been through so much together?" "I'm used to being alone" WANGJI MY BABY, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE ALONE ANYMORE

"you can change your habits."

"my lantern is made specially for you" Wuxian you fucking flirt!!!

HE DREW A BUNNY ON IT, I'M SOBBING

WANGJI SMILED!!! LIKE!!! AAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!

Bro was startled by his own emotions and took it out on Wuxian. Now chaos will ensue.

NIE HUAISANG, AWWW, I'M SO SORRY!!

"you can't afford it" he isn't wrong....

Qiren and Xichen coming to watch the show, actually quite sweet.

The lanterns look so pretty

WANGXIAN HAD A LANTERN TOGETHER

Wuxian looks so pleased, I am in love with this man

These are so beautiful, I wouldn't want to let mine go

Wuxian sneaking a look at his boyfriend

The little look between Zixuan and Yanli is adorable

I'm upset Qing was on her own, WHERE'S WEN NING?????

Ooh, everyone's wishing now, this is very wholesome

Hahaha "I don't want to fucking come back here" Huaisang, you're so real

"I want my little brother to be safe and sound his whole life" Qing 🥺🥺 the world doesn't deserve you

Cheng hearing and giving her the sweetest little smile, maybe they are in love

"I wish that I can stand with justice and live with no regrets" adorable, innocent sentiment, but that does not go as planned

That is the gayest look I think I've ever seen Wangji give Wuxian yet.

Man's is quite literally in love. Period.

Make a wish, dumbass!

Don't look at the Yin Tiger Tally, your wish should be GAY

Wuxian looks so happy and peaceful

This is such a sweet little scene, really breaks from the fucking lore

"what did you wish for?" "I wished you'd fucking grow up" YANLI I LOVE YOU. SO MUCH. YOU'RE SO ICONIC.

Wuxian's adorable ass pout, I love him

NONONONO THIS CAN'T GO SOUTH. PLEASE. NO.

Women. I love you. Stop it.

I'M FUCKING LOSING IT, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER JIN ZIXUAN. SHE'S SO PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL AND YOU'RE FUCKING IT ALL UP FOR YOURSELF.

Wuxian, kill him. Launch attack.

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. HOW DARE YOU?!??!

WEI WUXIAN, ATTACK MODE. KILL.

GO FOR THE FUCKING THROAT.

RAAASRRGHRHRUSISBDISO

Smack him to pieces. Kill him.

What's going on??

Hahaha, Wei Wuxian's beating the shit out of Jin Zixuan.

HE WASN'T PICKING A FIGHT, HE WAS PROTECTING YANLI'S HONOUR

You two are barely fighting.

Look at how many people it takes to hold them back lmao.

WANGJI TO THE RESCUE!!!

Literally just wants him to stop, listen to him!

Holy shit, Zixuan looks like shit.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. GOOOD SNITCH. GOOD.

The muttering of distaste. Yanli looks so upset, I'm going to beat Zixuan myself.

The way they all fucking glare at him. Good

Wangji thinking that Wuxian is crying and going to make sure he's okay 🥺

Also, don't think I didn't notice that you're calling him Wei Ying now, you sly dog.

...... Don't worry, Wangji. He's just a a fucking idiot..

Wangji can't even comprehend what goes on in Wuxian's brain

He's in love hahaha

"these ants are so cute" Wuxian, I love you

The goofy ass music that plays when Wuxian is doing anything stupid is very special to me

What is he even doing???

Bro, no need to be so harsh, Jiang Fengmian

The glare bro gives him, hahaha

Cheng just wanting to mock Wuxian, I love him

Wuxian receives joy at the thought of Zixuan in pain. What a guy.

"I'd change my surname if he didn't cry because on kneeling" Wuxian is a very loveable dumbass

He's been scolded loads by Qiren, bro ain't scared. He's plotting his revenge.

GRRGRRGRRRR FUCK OFF JIN GUANGSHAN. I mean. Hello.

Nice moustache

The lads having a get together hahaha

Basically telling them to sort their shit out haha

"Wei Ying is a naughty boy" Yes, and an idiot, but not a toddler

Jiang Fengmian doesn't need to apologise on Wuxian's behalf

"I'll scold him" "no need lmao, I did it for you"

"Tell me of your request." "ABORT THE WEDDING. ABORT ABORT."

Fuck off Guangshan, let them decide.

I like Fengmian's style.

Don't blame Wuxian for everything!!!!

I love how Cheng went literally running to Wuxian

The worry on Wuxian's face 😔

STOP TRYING TO BEAT PEOPLE UP!!

He just wants to make sure Yanli is okay...

They're just being suspicious now haha

THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THE YIN TIGER TALLY!!!

Dramatic ending to that scene

Wei Wuxian sprinting to make Jiang Yanli feel better

AWWW, STOP, I FEEL SO UPSET FOR HER

He's trying so hard, I love him for that

Paper thingy moving aaaaaghhh

I'd probably squash it

Stop, this is so sweet, Yanli looks a little happier at least

YANLI THINK ABOUT YOURSELF FOR ONCE

Go on Wuxian, you know what someone needs

I'd beat him if it were me

YES SHE WILL!!!!

"I don't want a wife" you want a husband called-

They're literally so so sweet

Back to old men gossip (and Xichen)

THEY'RE SPEAKING ABOUT XUE YANG AND HIS RAMPAGE

They've shown their cards now, you can fight back

Guys, you can't look so worried, it creates a bad mindset

HAHAAHAHA HOW LONG DID THEY PRACTICE THAT HAHA

Cheng feeling jealous 😔

Nobody can discipline Wuxian hehehe

I love how Fengmian doesn't even try to disagree

WUXIAN LOOKS SO UPSET WHEN WANGJI DOESN'T LOOK AT HIM :(((

What's up now? More shit?

I bet he's not looking at Wuxian because he doesn't want to cry

Wuxian literally has to be dragged away from Wangji

HE'S NOT HAPPY!!! HE'S VERY UPSET

Cheng is so easily calling our gay man out haha

They're literally not even out the doors and fighting already awww

I love them

Playing tag

MOCKING QIREN HAHAAHAHAH I LOVE THEM

Wangji.....you look so very sad. You're entering gay mourning now

YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM. He'll find out anyway, he's a slippery little snake.

Awww, Wuxian with playing with rabbits, that's fucking adorable

He wants them to be happy :((

He's thinking about Lan Zhan all the time. How cute.

See, he's already figured it out haha!

I wonder if we'll go back to the future yet...

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tag @mk-writes-stuff, these questions look fun!

OC Question Game

My questions:

What would you wear to a fancy party?

If you could time travel and talk to your younger self, what would you say to them?

What’s the nicest thing someone’s ever done for you?

I'll answer for the Outcasts crew :)

.

1) What would you wear to a fancy party?

Izjik: "...clothes?"

Sepo: "If I had my pick, I'd wear a Shuari-style suit. The fashion compliments my features. Blue is overdone for seafolk and purple makes me look sunburned, so suppose I'd go with a forest green shade. That, paired with some silver hairpins that I could stab someone with in a pinch and a tasteful amount of pointed rings for punching, should do nicely."

Twenari: "I always love a good sundress. They're so elegant without being restricting. I'd go with copper jewelry as well - it sets off my eyes."

Djek: "I don't know - I'm not really the type to get an invite to a fancy party. If I could wear anything though, I'd go with a cape. They just seem so swanky! And you never see someone unimportant wearing a cape. Plus, just things of all the loot I could hide underneath!"

2) If you could time travel and talk to your younger self, what would you say to them?

Izjik: "It gets better, kid. It's not gonna be all sunshine and butterflies, but it ain't gonna be all doom and gloom either, even if it seems like that sometimes. You're gonna go on to meet some incredible people, and do some incredible things. Just keep your chin high and don’t ever give up."

Sepo: "Stop being such a dick. Surface people are sentient. Spend more time with your brother. And go brush up on your Halawema’ishi. It'll be relevant, trust me."

Twenari: "FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS, STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH ROTTING MAGIC!"

Djek: "Alright, the canal racket numbers in your year were 14-77-85, with a jackpot of half a million tuec. Get a ticket to Hazipili, buy in, and we'll be swimming in coin for the rest of our life. I'm counting on you, man!"

3) What’s the nicest thing someone’s ever done for you?

Izjik: "Other than Sepo saving my life half a dozen times and the humans matching that number between the two of them? I guess that time Djek kept talking to me when we were captured by the church. I wasn't myself. I wasn't acting rational. I'd let End turn me into a beast without it even being all the way in my head. But Djek never gave up on me. He talked and told me stories. He laughed at his own jokes when I wasn't able to. I don't think I've ever been so hopeless, but he never faltered, never let me slip. He's a good man, Djek is; better than he gives himself credit for."

Sepo: "It was within our first week together that Izjik and I had our first argument. I was completely in the wrong and acting like a racist jackass. She gave me what for, as I deserved, but the next day, she also gave me a gift. A little bone flute, carved from a scavenged kill. I think she understood that I was a Singer-Priest stripped of his song. I can't play the flute, of course. I don't have a tongue. But her kindness helped me understand that sirens are wrong about their ideas of a 'superior race.' What uncivilized brute would've done something so perfectly kind for a stranger they knew was hurting? She gave me that flute, yes, but she also gave me the truth of the world."

Twenari: "Izjik and Sepo could've left me to die in the Vay wilderness where they found me. They could've returned me to my mother for a profit. It would've been so easy - I was exhausted and without magic. But they didn't. They took a chance on kindness and risked their lives to keep me out of Undeta’s clutches. I don't think I can ever repay them for that. They gave me the gift of freedom itself."

Djek: "Ok, so you can't tell him I said this, but Sepo is the one who's done probably the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. We were in an abandoned dwarven temple, interrogating - or trying to interrogate - a cultist. Twenari and Sepo.... They're not really cut out for delicate chit-chat like that. So you know what Sepo did? He took a step back and said I should handle it. Said I was the best man for the job. Me! I know, right? I've never been the best man for any job in my damn life! He trusted me to do it, and to do it better than he could. Everything was riding on getting info outta this lady, and Sepo trusted me."

.

Well, these were fun! Very good questions 👍

I'll tag @elsie-writes @kaylinalexanderbooks @jakkon-and-rose-topic @scribble-dee-vee @steh-lar-uh-nuhs and anyone else who wants to play :)

Your questions are:

What's a childhood fear you had?

What's in your pockets?

Ever considered therapy?

[totallyboatless]

FINE i'll make a post about how many Jenny Owen Youngs songs fit the Six of Crows characters GOD

Born to Lose - Kaz. So very Kaz. Somewhere in night a man is standing by with a deal you won't be able to refuse. It's about deals with the devil (choose how you'd like to feel pain: is Pekka the devil or Kaz?), being slowly eaten inside by guilt over mistakes, fear of losing people you love. A line about having a bad leg. It's got it all! Last Person - God so very how Jesper and Wylan would flirt and pick each other up in a bar the first night they meet. Light, fun, full of energy, but with an air of "this could be so much deeper if we let ourselves feel it." About someone approaching another person who feels like they don't belong or connect with the people around them and is like "live fast die young let's go bang!." This line cinches it all together: So quit worrying where they'll fall if you should roll the dice, why don't come home with me tonight.

So Long - WHO'S👏🏻READY👏🏻TO👏🏻GET👏🏻SAD👏🏻. I go back and forth with this being better for Wylan, Kaz, or Inej, but tend to land on Wylan for one line in particular: No one can put you back how you were then / chemicals must react, it's a certain. A song about feeling lonely, trapped, and discarded.

Coyote - So very Nina and Matthias, and honestly a perfect song to go on any "enemies to lovers" playlist. A song about being like "I'm disgusted by you - wait no come back god I want to jump your bones - no wait I hate you - wait come back." There's no one I can think of that I can stand less than you / Don't you want to touch my hands before you go? I think I'm confused.

Your Apartment - Inej about Kaz. About wanting to love someone and be the person to help them grow, but that person being closed off. And how when that happens, you're like "I'm begging you to give me something, anything, and I'll stay." I want to be the girl that makes you try to do the thing you haven't done / oh why is it so hard to stay in love / I just want to be good enough for you. Lyrics are sad AF but it's a jam! Porchrail - Back to Jesper who keeps things a little more upbeat! Lot of mentions of fidgeting, having a short attention span, and feeling sick over Feelings. A "I'm having a crisis about Wylan" song. I've got a span of attention as long as my teeth / Every urge I let sway me turns tragically brief / There's nothing more attractive than that one thing you just can't have / I got every intention to loosen my tie / I got full motivation to make this one mine

What Beats Within - LET'S👏🏻KEEP👏🏻GETTING👏🏻SAD👏🏻. Back to Wylan - featuring flute and the fear that comes with letting yourself be chosen because you don't feel good enough. I like to think the first verse is referring to the night he and Jesper meet, and the second verse is the night when he officially becomes a Crow after Kaz uses his bombs to blow up the Crow Club. You come to find me a mess at your door / arms under elbows as I hit the floor / I meant to tell you just what I've done / How can you choose me when I've just begun? / Don't know what I'll be when morning comes. Also additional line because my god it has so many "my parent doesn't want me" angst: I'm not what you planted, I'm just what grew.

Already Gone - Kaz about Inej. Thinking about someone you adore and respect in a way that feels too big and bright, and so you do the whole "I don't know how to keep you, so it's okay if you need to leave" thing even if you know that will cause you immense pain. God there's just so much in this one: Did I overstay? You're tugging your sleeves / You said what they say: that I'm a disease. AND That girl is full of fever / I'll give you anything but go if you need to / how can I keep you / Now you're already gone. AND THE FUCKING BRIDGE It's now or it's never / You get left holding feathers LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME GOD Clean Break - a Matthias inner monologue about trying to cut Nina out of his heart, but it's like an amputation. Super angsty, it's got an edgy feel. Also has some double meaning lyrics like Don't bother with the table we can do it on the floor / God knows I am sure which refers to the amputation but my god that line has a hot undertone. Feature lyric: If I come to and still feel you creeping in my skin / It's back I lie under the knife and start over again / can't abide no phantom limbs

Fuck Was I - KEEP👏🏻FEASTING👏🏻ON👏🏻SADNESS👏🏻. Kaz and Inej about each other. If you don't think you've heard a Jenny Owen Youngs song, you've probably heard this one. All about letting yourself feel hope about someone and then getting hurt and being like "yep, well, I should have known that was going to happen. Skillet on the stove, it's such a temptation / Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burnt / What the fuck was I thinking? O, God - MORE👏🏻WYLAYN👏🏻SAD👏🏻BOY👏🏻TIME👏🏻 I just adore him. His internal monologue when he leaves Jesper after their first night together. I can't stay I won't stay for things left unseen / I can stay I won't stay I know you're a dream / A sweet, sweet dream. Ugh god and also the line I've seen a hundred backs but never one return - it's what Wylan is used to, and you can't be left if you leave first.

Little Bird - Pick your favorite Crow to have Feelings about. Take those hollow bones / Use them well, use them right / Let them carry you / Through the darkness of the night

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, BRAIN? Fucking hell.

[pacifymebby]

i think backgrounds is a thing but also kind of like what they stand for. R is rich and privileged living off her parents money (which is fine) and constantly jetting off to places lol (again fine) and doesn’t have a job or even need one tbh like that’s literally unheard of in the north like you literally need a job to afford a living

I get the crux of what you're saying here but I promise you there is a "posh" north and it's somehow even more horrifying than posh London

But aye those experiences are what shape your values

Thing is can any of us say we don't want to better our futures and give our kids better futures?

I for one hope that one day I'm well off enough that if my kids graduate uni and they don't know what to do with themselves and are trying to break into a tricky industry, they can come home to the family house and keep working on their goals? Like I wouldn't want me kids dossing but id fucking hate to think I'm working my arse off now so that one day in the future I can force my kids to slog it too?

Like I really get where all these anons are coming from about the culture clash and about like how it isn't fair that certain people have life so so much easier, and also like how it's weird that a man who's made a lot of being "rags to riches" is now seemingly dating someone with different principles so is kinda sacrificing his own BUT

1) it's only dating

2) no one in poverty wants to remain on the poverty line, I really don't blame him for "social climbing" he's having experiences that were barred from him by the class system for a long time and that can only be a good thing.

3) maybe he's not sacrificing his principles, I've seen very privileged women learn/grow when they've been in relationships with people from poorer backgrounds (relationships teach both people different things afterall)

4) he's not a hypocrite for shagging. He isn't sacrificing any principles by dating someone middle class. If anything it's weird to say that all working class people must remain completely true to their poverty stricken roots, that only reinforces class structure and makes certain things "not for us" like would you say it's sacrificing principles for a v working class lad from Stockport to go to Oxford? Is he a class traitor? Am I a class traitor for buying a gingerbread man in Morrisons or like idk Waitrose one time? Is it class traitory for working class people to go to art galleries, or listen to classical music, or learn to play the flute, or read lit fiction?

Do you see what I mean like, there's loads of things deemed middle class which have always been "not for the likes of us" but if we start saying any working class person who engages with those things is a traitor to their class then we're the ones reinforcing the structure that oppresses us?

Like idk, I tryyy very hard these days not to judge people who are middle class, because I do know nice people who are, my dad's got some lovely middle class friends... lots of the people I've met in Scotland that are southern English middle class snd have moved up here for cheap rent are nauseating cunts but idk, best to give people the benefit of the doubt until they actually start on the "i just dont see why we should give free school meals to children just because their parents smoke 40 a day and want the latest iphone" rant

The best situ for them is class divide causes misunderstandings and mild irritation but they are happy together anyway and it's not a deep problem. the worst is that the relationship falls apart because they can't understand eachother (this is usually what brings down all relationships though even ones that are class balanced? Is that a phrase that felt weird to write?) Like I grew to fucking despise my ex for being privileged and out of touch but I wouldn't wish that on anyone lol I lost a bestie and it sucked!!

Anyway my point is mostly just that you don't know them at all and to hold your horses accusing anyone of abandoning their principles just for dating someone from a different class background that's meh

Obvs btw anon not all of this is aimed at you in anyway because you aren't the one who has sent me all these things, it's just yours is so far one of the only ones that's on theme with the other anons that's polite enough to post. Some of the stuff in my inbox right now is harshhhh

[skiplo-wave]

I think I might have the worse trauma story about walking in on my parents by accident....

I was in the 1st grade. The students got sent home early. The school did not call the parents. I walked to and home from school because my house was literally across the street. I noticed there was a red truck in the driveway. I hated talking to people that I didn't know, so I went through the backdoor that lead into the kitchen. I opened the door and was immediately hit by loud feral noises coming from the living room. My anxiety spiked. I didn't know what the hell was going on. I remember seeing stuff on the kitchen counter that I didn't know what it was until I got older. It was opened condom wrappers and residue splattered on the kitchen cabinets and floors. There was half empty champagne flutes on the table and it looked like there was a card game at some point. I was not prepared for what I was walking into and I shutter still to this day thinking about it. I walk into the living room where I found my parents getting buck wild with one of their friends. I remembering feeling shocked, sickened and also angry seeing another man kissing my mom. They saw me and I will never forget the look on their faces. Bitch, I ran up the stairs to my room and locked the door. It seemed like it was a while before my mom came knocking on my door. I didn't open my door, I told my mom I do not want to talk right now and she persisted. I'm like not right now. So she leaves and comes back maybe an hour later. The awkwardness of that conversation. She was sitting there trying to explain and come up with a lame excuse of what was going on. Like they was playing a fucking game or something lol. I'm like mama I am not stupid and how dad let another man kiss on you like that is beyond me but that's your business. I could tell that what I said hurt her because now she was thinking that her and dad look like shit parents. But I just kept telling her that is ya'lls business. I don't want to know anymore lmfao.

She just kept trying to talk to me about it and I didn't want to hear no more. It took weeks for the house to finally get back to somewhat normal. It seemed like nobody was talking to each other. My dad could not even look at me. He would just side glance me lol. It was so awkward. I remember later that evening, the whole kitchen smelled like bleach. And you know how many times I came home from school with the kitchen and living room floor had been mopped with bleach prior to me catching them. Which means this probably happened several times before. Ever since then things have never been the same with me and my parents. It seems like everyone barely talked to each other, at least when I was around. I wouldn't say they was neglectful, they made sure I had everything I needed but there was this awkward social gap between us after that. Even now, I haven't spoke to them in years. I am not angry at them like I was when I was a kid. It just really fucked me up because it felt like I caught my parent cheating even though they was obviously having sex together. They all knew what was happening. It was just a really confusing time as a kid. It all confusing.

0_o

[ae-azile]

@chanbig I have to say, I can't wait to read what you are writing! Here is mine:

W

With that, Ma downs her water and sits back down. Everyone else grabs their champagne flutes and sips on them in a daze that Ma has clearly shown Korn she is no longer in.

Fuck.

O

Or maybe it's to record this memory during happier times, before everything goes to shit.

R

Regardless, she pushes those nerves back and keeps her pleasant smile.

“Hia? What happened to your wife?”

Korn clenches his jaw, “She died. Cardiac arrest.”

Namphueng looks down sadly. If this is the case, she is sad for Dao. If Korn weren't so despicable, she may even feel sad for him too. There had been one point in time that she loved him. She struggled viewing him as a brother. If anything, she viewed Gun as a brother more. They were closer in age and naturally spent more time together. But she respected Korn for at least part of her life.

And then he killed Pat, abducted her, made her think he killed her sons, and kept her in a room longer than she had even known him, at least at that point. She is sure he did the same to Milan.

What did he do to Dao?

“She would have been pretty young, huh?” Namphueng says, “When I asked Kim last night, he said she died when he was around eight. Dying from cardiac arrest in her late thirties…she never had any heart issues. She was diligent about going to the doctor-"

"That's enough."

D

“Dara needs ties to the deaf community. I want our daughter to have that. Fern is Deaf, and Namphueng had a Deaf father and a mother who was an interpreter born into a Deaf family. It makes me happy that she will be connected to Deaf culture and have support. I’ve read about Deaf children whose parents don't even bother to learn sign and they have to write back and forth to talk to each other, even after having years and years to learn! That won't be the case with Dara. We need to make sure of that!”

“We will,” Arm promises, “We have Namphueng and Fern, and Kim, Vegas, and Macau are all fluent. I would say we are proficient, and so are Kinn, Porsche, Chay, Pete, and Pol. My sisters and the twins are all catching on quickly. Even Koda and Phoenix know signed commands. Whatever her primary mode of communication ends up being, she will have people who will clearly understand her and can easily communicate with her.” 

“And she will have Paris too!" Tankhun says, feeling hopeful that his daughter will never be expected to go against her cousin, "I know she will be fluent. Fern, Vegas, Pete, and Macau will make sure that happens. They will be best friends.”

S

“She will be safe with us. We obviously aren't going to leave her alone,” Chay says, “She lives with me and Kim. Arm and Khun are across the hall. Yok just sent me a text telling me that I am temporarily fired so I can be here until my mother is definitely safe. We aren't going to let anything happen to her.”

“We definitely won't,” Kinn starts, but then starts pinching the bridge of his nose, “It's…It's not ideal-”

“No shit,” Kim says, obviously less optimistic, “It's only a matter of time that Pa does something about it. Even if she pretends she doesn't remember everything he did to her, he is going to try to become proactive and make it so she will never remember.”

The excerpts are all from the upcoming chapter of Progression.

Thank you for the tag, @chanbig! It was fun to fill out! I shall tag @fawndlyvenus and @livsoulsecrets

PROMPT WORD: MUSIC

rules: you will be given a word. share one sentence / excerpt from your wip(s) that start with each letter of that word

tagged by @mightymightygnomepriest thank u lovely 💗

word: FEATS

these are all from the sunburned!big chanbig fic 💗

F

Fuck. Another tally in the column of Vacation: Disaster. They've been on the island for less than four hours. How are they going to survive a week? How is Big going to survive a week?

E

Even if the hotel clerk has somehow picked up on Big's feelings for Chan, and Chan's… lack of those same feelings, it doesn't mean Chan will be interested in him.

The guy isn't that good looking. He isn't a threat.

Probably.

A

A hand on Big's chest stops him.

"I wasn't telling you to leave, Big. I was asking if you could move on your own, or if you wanted me to apply the lotion." Chan tilts his head to catch Big's eye. His voice is quiet, a thread of amusement still clear under the low tone. When Big doesn't reply, he continues, "So, if you want me to help you apply it, I can. Just take off your shirt, and lie back down."

The suggestion sends a wave of heat through Big and short-circuits his already-overwhelmed brain.

T

The apology dies on his tongue.

And then Chan slides his hands up around his ribcage, gently, slowly, and Big draws in a shaky inhale, feels Chan's fingers tighten their grip for a moment, callouses rough on his sensitive skin.

S

"Sorry," Chan murmurs, though there's a smile pressing at the corner of his mouth that speaks to not being quite so sorry as he says. "I forgot."

-

Prompt: WORDS

tagging: @mortimerlatrice @kinnbig @saifahname @answermywearyquery @ae-azile @jeffsatyr and anyone else who would like to do it!

[angelkhi]

love me, hate me - s.r

summary: steve rogers pisses you off, and you piss him off. but is it really ever that simple?

warnings: SMUT 18+ (MINORS DNI), p in v, switch steve & reader, face sitting, unprotected sex, talks of bodily fluids, enemies to lovers a little bit, slight hate fucking but also not?? feelings at the end sort of.

word count: 2.8.k

a little note: Happy New Year to you all! finished this at 4 am so not beta’d any mistakes are my own (seriously i just spelled mistakes as ‘mestayks’ so like sorry lol) half based on this request but also something i already had in the works that seemed to mesh xx

"Let's not forget who's doing who a favour." You chide, already irritated by presence.

"Please sweetheart, I'm doing you more of a favour than you realise."

"And how's that Mr Rogers?" You fix his crooked tie. Always picking up after him.

"You walk in there with me? There's no way you're going home alone tonight." He smooths out the collar on his shirt, checking himself over in the mirror. "Your little problem gets solved."

"My little problem?"

"Don't get me wrong, Yels, it's great doing it yourself but it would be nice for someone give me an orgasm every now and then."

"You fuckin pig! You were listening to my conversation?" You're embarrassed. Beyond embarrassed. If there's one person that doesn't need to know about your dwindling sex life it's Steve Rogers.

"It's kinda hard not to overhear yours and Yelena's screeching on girls night." Once again those fingers fly up into quotation marks and you have to blink yourself free from the daze you're slipping into.

Maybe Steve does have a point, you're significantly louder after a bottle or two of rose, but it doesn't give him the right to use your own words against you.

"You're a dick, Rogers. It's none of your fucking business how many orgasms I have." He's smirking down at you now, something in his eyes you've never seen before. "Let's just get this over with. I don't want to have to see your face any longer than necessary."

The two of you enter the ballroom together as planned, and heads turn almost instantly. The quiet gasps and turning heads boost his scolded ego more than nicely. But that's all it is. A soothing bandage over a painful wound.

Stark's infamous shindigs that rivalled even the most grand of galas, yet you are the only thing that matters to him in a room filled with expensive champagne and extravagant sculptures. He watches you from across the room, Bucky's latest debrief on Sam's irritating behaviour blending into the mindless background chatter.

You're done up to the nines, pretty hair twisted in some intricate up-do, and that dress. That fucking dress. He wonders if things would be easier if you knew how he really felt about you, that the trading of insults between the two of you is the only way he can resist pinning you against every available surface and fucking the attitude out of you.

You work your charm with everyone that comes up to you, offering you drinks and boring conversation. You know you're in charge, so do they, and so does he.

He spots you talking to a pretty redhead he soon recognises as Wanda, she's changed since he last saw her. But he much more notices the lingering stares and flirtatious touches, the way you lean into each other and laugh a little too loud. Jealousy is no longer a green eyed monster, but a blonde haired, blue eyed super soldier.

You happen to glance over at him in that moment, taking in his tensed jaw and white-knuckle grip on his champagne flute, expecting it to shatter under any more force. He watches as you smirk in his direction, and the go back to the conversation like he wasn't even there. Sam and Bucky pull him away to a conversation that is meant to be important and he loses sight of you for the rest of the evening.

The party starts to get a little too lively towards 11pm, the rowdy crowd excited about the looming new year. You find yourself at the bar, sick of your uncomfortable shoes, ready to get more than drunk, kiss a bottle at midnight and fall into bed with your vibrator once again. Someone slides into the empty seat next to you, speaking to the bar tender. You catch the 'and whatever she's having' and roll your eyes just wanting to be left alone at this point.

Your double vodka and cranberry is slid in front of you and you take a single sip before turning to the man next to you. He's attractive, with his full beard and long brown hair. There's something in his eyes but you don't care enough to find out that much about him. He shakes your hand firmly, introducing himself as Quentin Beck. You smile and thank him when he compliments you, you hum and nod when he tells you about his latest technological venture that sounds weirdly similar to Tony's, you smile coyly when he rests a hand on your thigh and offers to take you somewhere a little less private.

You're silently disappointed that this is the best you could do on a night like tonight but you're not one to look a fort horse in the mouth. He guides you through the crowd with a hand around your waist until the function room doors come into view and your excitement dims even further. Steve stands in the doorway, arms crossed and biceps bulging as he stares at Quentin and then his hand on your waste.

"Hey honey." He wraps his fingers around your wrist lightly, stopping you in your tracks. He stares down at you for a second too long, then diverts his gaze to Beck.

"Fuck off." Two words. Two are all it takes for Quentin to crumble.

His hand moves from your waist faster than you can blink and he's already being swallowed up by the crowd when you turn away from glaring at Steve. His fingers linger around your wrist but you shrug him off, and leave the grand ballroom stomping down to the elevator.

He follows you of course, right up to your door, pushing inside when you try and slam it in his face.

"Honey that guy was a creep."

"Don't 'honey' me you just ruined my one good chance of getting laid tonight." You kick off your shoes.

"Well I wouldn't call it a good chance..."

"What was that?!" You're about to fiddle with the zip of your dress but instead steve has your attention and an insane amount of audacity.

"M'just saying he wouldn't have been worth it." He pauses, sitting on your bed uninvited. "Doesn't look like he can find his car keys let alone please a woman."

"I guess I'll never know now." You scoff.

"Use me instead."

What in the sweet baby jesus?!

"How much have you had to drink?" You chuckle, and go back to working your zip.

"You know I can't get drunk. How much have you had to drink?" He retorts, reaching up to undo the zipper for you.

"Not enough for this to be a hallucination. What's in it for you?"

"An orgasm." Fair enough.

"Why are you doing this? Are you trying to humiliate me?"

"What? No! I'm just trying to apologise for ruining your New Years hook up." He looks sincere, but then Steve never lies. You on the other hand, would be lying if you said you didn't want to jump his bones at least twenty three and a half of the twenty four hours in the day. And he's offering himself to you on a golden platter. Why turn. it down?

"Strip."

It's a simple word, but it holds so much power. Starting something that may just fucking ruin you. But you want it. He wants it. The easy route be damned. Steve is quick to discard his clothing, looking up at you expectantly waiting for your next request. You simply just let your dress drop, carefully stepping over the expensive fabric and slotting yourself between Steve's legs. His eyes widen when he realises you'd neglected to put on any underwear that evening. She reaches out to touch you, rest a hand on your hip but you slap it away.

"Lay back." You kneel over his hips, excitement fizzling on your skin as he rests on his elbows, taking up an insane amount of space with his broad shoulders and wide thighs. He doesn't move any further, a sly smirk on his lips and wonder in his eyes.

"I said I don't want to see your face, lie the fuck back." You have him under your thumb, and your pussy, when he lays back against the cotton sheets you crawl across his body and rest above his face. His hands grip onto the backs of your thighs, usually light eyes dark with lust. 

"No touching." You thread his arms above him, resting forward and pinning them against the pillows. His response is muffled when you lower yourself onto his face. His tongue works wonders when he's not using it to talk and you definitely prefer it when he's not talking.

You grind yourself down against his pliant tongue, clit bumping his stupidly perfect nose with each thrust. You're taking what you deserve from him, what he owes you and you fucking love it. You love the fact that he could easily slip you underneath him, pin you beneath him and pull you apart but instead he's letting you use him, letting you grind yourself to an orgasm on his face.

"You're not so useless after all Rogers, fucking hell." His lips purse around your exposed clit and your thighs shake a little. You press yourself further against him, chasing your well deserved orgasm until you're panting above him half spent.

Lifting yourself off of him, you take in his flushed cheeks and blown out eyes. God he's pretty. Your hand strokes through his hair and he leans into your touch. Putty in your hands.

You reach back, your hands almost dwarfed by the impressive size of his pretty cock. You struggle to wrap your hands around him fully, but when you start stroking him slow but firm it doesn't matter. His face twists into one of pure bliss and his hips fuck up into your fist desperately. Deciding enough is enough you manoeuvre down his body, hovering over his painfully hard weeping cock. You drag him through your folds, almost slipping him in before bumping his engorged head against your clit until you're right on the edge of desperation and finally sink down on him.

You take him slowly at first, unable to stay quiet as he stretches you open. There's a slight sting but my god does it sting so good. Once he's fully sheathed you take a moment to accommodate, grinding down on him, twin moans coming from the two of you. You raise yourself up again, right to the tip and back down, slowly building the rhythm until you're bouncing on his cock, hitting spots you didn't even know existed panting for breath. 

"You feel so fucking good." You whimper chasing your own pleasure, fuelled by Steve's. He fists the bedsheets, so obedient trying not to touch you, but you look so pretty and broken and you're touching yourself whilst you ride him, clenching down on his dick so fucking perfectly. He's more vocal than. you expected, grunting and moaning and whining.

"Fuck I'm gonna come. Steve." Your fingers roll your taught nipples between your fingers, pinching and pulling. Steve's hips stutter for a moment, but then he's right there with you, fucking up into your perfect cunt until you're shaking on his dick, grinding your clit against his pubic bone and falling over the edge.

He doesn't give you a second to breath, wrapping his strong arms around you and placing you flat on your back. You're breathless, your vision is still fuzzy but then he's pounding into you. Lifting your leg above his shoulder opening you up up to him even more. You're well and truly fucked. Not a single word or thought or even sound registering. You're just wide eyed and open mouthed and taking what he gives you.

"Not so cocky now are we, hmm sweetheart." His thumb flicks your clit once and you're coming all over again, a loud scream echoing off of the walls.

"There she is. So fucking perfect, taking what you need. Did I do well, did I satisfy your greedy pussy or do you still want more?"

"St-Steve. More." You sound so broken, so unalike yourself but you never want to go back to her when you can be this.

"Course you fuckin do. Play with your tits for me, that's a good girl." He thrusts slow but deep, your weak legs held in position by his huge hands. He relishes in your flushed face and smudged makeup. Your hair has foregone the confines of bobby pins and it's splayed out on the cushion behind you. You're fucking perfect.

"Who's cunt is this?" Your eyes lull into the back of your head when he delivers a quick sharp tap to your clit. "Tell me who's cunt it is and I'll let you cum."

"Y-Yours. Yours Steve."

"Good. And who's fuckin dick is this tearing you apart?" It's all too much, you're on the verge of crying from the overstimulation. "Who's is it?"

"Mine."

"Good fucking girl." He punctuates his words with his thrusts, picking up speed once more and rubbing small quick circles against your clit. Your tears do spill then, dark mascara running down your cheeks when you explode all over him.

He fucks you through the orgasm, pulling out of you when you begin to claw at his chest, leaving pretty marks all over him. He kneels over you, furiously stroking himself to completion until he cums in long white ropes all over your breasts, chest heaving and panting. He collapses next to you, silent as you try to catch your breaths and wrap your head around what just happened.

It shouldn't surprise you when Steve gets up to the bathroom and comes back with a washcloth, but it does. It leaves you stunned. You try not to show it though, nor do you give him a glimpse at how disappointed you are about leaving.

"Damn Rogers, you really know how to hate fuck." Steve's gaze is frantic, but mostly confused.

"Hate? I don't hate you." His eyebrows are pulled together so tightly you're scared they might just fuse into one another.

"Could've fooled me." You pull up your underwear and pull on his shirt foregoing the tight dress.

"Look. I don't. Hate. You. Do you get on my nerves? Sometimes. But I could never hate you."

"So what? You wanna call the way you've treated me since I got here a proclamation of your undying love." He's silent. "You can't be fucking serious Rogers."

"Don't be like that, you gave just as good as you got." You scoff, but it's the truth. "Every time I look at you I want to fuck you, every time I see someone even look at you I wanna fuckin... I don't know!"

"Steve..."

"You terrify me. I have all these feelings for you, but you're so... you. You're so gorgeous, you're potty mouth and you're strong and you don't take shit from no one, not even me. I'm an idiot, I know that and I don't expect a sorry to fix anything, but I need you to know that that wasn't a one time thing, I want you."

"Well fuck. You have feelings for me?" He nods, simple, effective and oh so Steve Rogers. "I thought. I don't know what I though. I walked in here and you just stared at me and left, and I guess I though you took one look at me and decided I wasn't enough. So I decided I was gonna prove you wrong."

"I think you're everything. You've certainly proved me right." He looks angry, at himself at and the situation, but mostly at the fact that you'd ever thought those things about yourself.

"Right pair of idiots we are." You mutter, trying to lighten the you're-not-sure-what mood. He pulls you into his lap, rough hand resting around your waist.

"Aren't we just." He whispers against your lips.

"How many people did you tell to fuck off tonight? Just out of interest."

"Bout 15." He mumbles and then laughs, "don't regret a single one of them though."

You surge forward and press against him. His lips are softer than expected and his movements are so slow, so tentative. You arch into him, greed driving your need to make up for the last few wasted months.

A loud bang erupts from outside of the glass windows, popping into a concoction of golds and reds and pinks, until the New York skyline is littered with individual fireworks displays.

"Happy New Year Rogers." You whisper against his lips, though it turns into a breathless whimper when he pulls your panties to the side. "You get on my nerves too by the way. Like a whole lot."

"Yeah yeah. Happy New Year."

[nevereverlandboys]

Drunken in charge

A/N: So I already posted this on wattpad a while ago. I was busy with learning for my exam, but now I finally managed to edit everything so I can post it on tumblr for those who don't read in wattpad

If you want to get tagged for my oneshots DM me ❤

Pairing: Ouat Felix x Reader

Warnings: Smut, NSFW, fingering, oral, unprotected sex, consuming of alcohol, swearing, really unrealistic sex scene lol, unprotected sex

Summary: Felix is being left in charge for the camp while Pan is absent, so games are off along with every other game. What is there else to do than drink? The second in command uses this opportunity to finally get closer to the reader after being so distant for a long time.

word count: 9968

The Island was harsh and cruel to everyone in an unfair but equal way. Even though the lost boys lived free on Neverland, they still were ruled by the mischievous leader named Peter Pan. Each of them had their own suffering they would not mention to anyone, rather feel the pain alone and the loneliness followed them with every step. But if someone caught Y/N's eye the most, it was the quiet second in command, Felix. He always stayed close to his leader and would always follow his command. His cold facade never told her a single thought, making him special in his own way. He would leave the girl alone and only joined her on missions, but even then, the second in command would remain quiet. Pan on the other hand, tormented Y/N with thousands of useless tasks, while the lost boys worked on their own duties that seemed to make way more fun. No matter how hard she tried, Y/N would never fit in the group of lost boys, their name alone excluded her. None of them treated her fair, always left her out and acted like she was their servant. At first, the boys all seemed curious, and also a little intrigued about her appearance. They wondered why the shadow brought a girl to Neverland and if she would stay forever or just for a while. Their vicious behavior scared her off the first days, keeping her distance in a small tent. There was nothing special about Y/N, and she wondered why Pan brought her here from the beginning. Soon they boys learned that as well, treating her harshly like everybody else. They mocked her for being too weak, being too emotional,- they mocked her for not being a boy. After a while Y/N stopped asking questions and simply agreed to her new life. There were many good things to mention, nothing here was all bad. No one cared about her exploring the island during the day, at least if she did not go too far. If she wanted to cook for herself, there was no one in the way, and if she wanted to read in her tent, they would not enter- also because she was definitely sure Pan forbat it. The lost boy's feared and loved their leader at the same time, the way he let them live the free life they always wanted and not even seeing how dangerous it could be had convinced them. Y/N had distanced herself from them and their cruelty, rarely appeared to any big occasion and rather traveled along the river that ran it's way through the meadow and pastures. It was a surprise when one boy asked her one day to join a game, leaving her startled and unable to answer since no one ever really attempted to talk to the girl. It woke a piece of hope inside her, some of the younger boys already liked Y/N, yet, there was always something suspicious around the older ones.

"C'mon!" The thin boy yelled excitedly and waved his hands through the air, gesturing to follow him.

"This will be fun!"

Y/N avoided the demanding boy and tilted her head while her eyes wandered through the group before they stopped at the second in command, his eyes already burning on her skin when she detected him on his log, not far. His gaze made her nervous, uncomfortable and she questioned the decision to join the game. Something inside her shook the thought off, that Felix would approach her one day for some other reason than Pan made him, or that he would ask her to join a game.

"No…" Y/N answered nervously and looked back to the lost boy, trying to ignore Felix in the back. She did not trust that boy the slightest.

"I have to clean the kitchen." She  lied and dropped her gaze to the ground. The boy left as quickly as he came, not even trying to convince her further as if the interest was faked like everything else on this Island. After a while she sat alone in silence, watching the smaller boys play with sticks and some older ones preparing some meat and stickbread for the bonfire. The feeling of being watched did not let go. Y/N tried her best not to look suspicious and quickly let her eyes wander further when she found the guilty boy, Felix. 

Why is he still staring at me?

She never found out. The boy stayed exactly where he was and so did Y/N. He would constantly steal a glimpse and for a moment goosebumps spread all over her body, as butterflies rumbled in her stomach. A few days went on and she had catched the second in command staring at her over and over again. Whenever she looked at him, he quickly shifted his eyes somewhere in hope not to be catched. Sitting at the dining table she would catch him, when she did the laundry or cooked in the humble kitchen. The lost boy woke some curiosity inside the girl, the urgent need to know why he would always steal a glimpse, whenever she walked by. He never slipped a nasty comment, definitely strange compared to the other lost boys and their vivid temper. He never approached her or tried to keep up a conversation either. As soon as the sun went down, Pan appeared in front of Y/N's tent, calling her to come out and get some firewood. His second in command stood not far, leaning against the bark of a tree and chewing on a toothpick. He didn't need to wait for his leader's command, already knowing he had to join her. 

"Be quick." Pan ordered sternly, pressing his brows together before strutting back to the other boys. Her eyes instantly shifted over to the lanky, blonde boy, a smirk plastered on his pale face. If Pan knew that this was not a good idea? Felix turned on his heels and led the way through the trees uphill where the bushes covered the edges down to the abyss, not looking back once.

"C'mon, girlie." He said.

'Don't call me that!' She snapped back and paced up. The lost boy's camp disappeared on the ground, the higher Y/N followed the path before Felix stopped in front of a dark forest, the leaves swallowing every light before it could touch the ground. 

"Princess." Felix corrected cockily, watching her step between the trees. She started to blush and was unable to say something, so she decided to simply ignore the giant boy's nickname for her, no matter how flattering his words seemed. She tried to act tough, tougher than she actually was, in hope he would recognise it.

"How in the hell should we get wood in the dark?' Y/N mumbled as she stared into the pitch black.

"Are you scared?" Felix teased and gave her a smirk. His voice was deep and rough, unsettling but still going like honey through her ears. The girl scoffed at him and rolled her eyes, then led the way with firm steps, not even seeing the ground and suddenly tripping over into a mess of wood. 

"Fuck!" She hissed and held her hands to check the unbruised skin. The lost boy started to laugh darkly to himself, before he stepped closer. 

"This wood is full of chunks." Felix explained and bent down to pick up the wood. Y/N rose to her feet and grabbed some wood, not saying another word. Felix remained silent as well, heading with heavy back to the camp. After a while he stopped and turned, watched if she could catch up and continued when the girl was close enough. All the time she wanted to talk to him, using the moment all alone with him, but as she hurried to follow the second in command, no single idea for a conversation came to her mind. It was like someone wiped every thought away and replaced it with the heavy drumming of her heartbeat. As soon as she reached the clearing, Felix dropped the wood onto the ground and left them for the other boys to take care of it. Her chunks landed right next to his and she paced up to catch up with the gloomy second in command, when a tight grip on the girl's wrist stopped her. 

"Where do you think you're going?"

Y/N tilted her head and faced Dave, a tall chubby boy with messy brown hair, his eyes dark and soft like marbles. The lost boy looked like a bear, warm and welcoming, nevertheless it were his words that often scared her off. He only had nasty comments for Y/N, threats and if Pan wouldn't protect her for being a weak girl, the lost boy would probably harm her physically as well.

"The potatoes won't cook themselves!" Dave barked and pushed her harshly away before his eyes wandered over to the kitchen tent. Y/N bit her tongue to stop slipping a nasty comment, marched over to the humble kitchen and let out a growl when she saw the mess inside. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She whined as her eyes wandered over the dirty pots and Pan's, knives and forks along with every spoon. At least it was not stinking and disgusting, easy to wash, yet an avoidable effort if every boy would clean after themselves. But why should they? They had Y/N. Deciding to only clean the essential goods and shoving the other things aside, she opened a little basket with potatoes in it and placed them on the little counter. Like she expected, no one came to help her during the cooking, only one boy showed up to ask if she could hurry up. The same boy did not even thank her when she finally gave them the cooked potatoes half an hour later. The selfish behaviour of these boys was the thing Y/N hated most, more reason to focus on the second in command, the only boy who had never shown her this nasty attitude. While every other boy slowly gathered around the bonfire after they ate, Felix stayed where he was. He did not dance like the others and Y/N was not even sure if he could hear what the boys claimed to hear. Pan once said, his flute was special and the girl was supposed to hear her too. None of them had an explanation, still, it did not seem like the first time for Pan, seeing something like this. 

The girl's eyes darted back to Felix, his eyes already burning on her skin and she instantly moved her head to make it look less obvious. The tempting idea of walking over to him burned inside her guts, but with all those boys around, she was like being frozen in place. The second in command never talked to her when it was not necessary, not even one muscle in his face twitched when he interacted with the others. Still, something inside Y/N pulled her towards him from the beginning, as if his attempt to block her out was even more tempting. When she distanced herself from the bonfire back to her tent, Felix stayed at his seat instead of following her like she had imagined he would do. A little disappointed she went to bed and kept twirling all her thoughts around the mysterious second in command. There were so many questions about him. No one ever understood Felix, maybe not even Pan, although they were closer to each other than no one else on this whole Island.  

The following days Pan left Felix in charge, going on a mission by himself. The absence of Neverland's leader made itself noticeable first, when the lost boys stopped playing their big games and went directly to their duties, almost no words slipping from their usually loud mouths as they worked in silence. The day had started boring for everyone on it, Pan was already away for a few days, so Felix was fully in charge. Games were off, along with parties and especially dances in the evening. If Y/N could tell, the dances were the most annoying thing to the second in command, the thing he hated the most. Felix did not like the idea of taking care of anybody else but himself. So it came that even after weeks, Y/N had barely exchanged some words with him. He would simply avoid her and in case of sharing a task, just stare at her in curiosity. It was a lie to say he did not make her nervous, even when it was not in a scary way. The second in command was weird in any way and whenever he built himself up in front of her, she and broad, he made her look even shorter than she actually was. A feeling almost pleasant instead of scary. It was like something pulled her towards the cold lost boy, but the lack of courage would not let her talk to him. If he felt the same?

Felix was intimidating to look at, it was like something was wrong with his face but Y/N could never tell what. His high pitched cheeks were sharp and narrow and there was an awful scar running along his left cheek up to his brows like an 'x'. The most creepy things were his eyes though, whenever she looked into them, she was willingly drowning in a cold puddle that dragged her deeper in. They pierced her, as if he knew every secret inside the girl's head. Nevertheless, he was not ugly, rather pretty to look at. When his blonde hair hung messy over his face and the way he smelled. Whenever she walked past him, she would smell pinewood and musk. Even though he was well known for his cruelty, the lost boy never raised his hand against Y/N, nor called her nasty things like the others did. She was not even sure on how to do it anyways. Felix always looked busy or like he did not want anyone to speak to him. When she thought of it, the girl could not remember one single boy really talking to the second in command except Pan, but then again,- they only talked about plans and other secrets. He was a mystery of his own, a riddle for Y/N to solve. She glanced over to him and saw that he was carving something into a piece of wood. The lanky lost boy had distanced himself from the other boys, having his seat on a log as closest to the forest as possible. Maybe she could strike a conversation about his passion for carving? He was doing that almost everyday without talking about it and when she thought about it, she had never seen the final results. After a while, courage overcame her, so she stood up and walked slowly into Felix's direction, already noticing in the corner of her eyes the disapproving and concerned looks of some boys. They started to talk quietly to each other and she instantly knew it was about her. Their eyes burned more on Y/N's skin with each step further towards Felix, making her feel nervous and jumpy. Rolling with her eyes at them, she still marched to the lanky blonde boy, stopping when she was close enough to him. The heads of the lost boys instantly shot away, as if they felt too scared to let Felix know about their curiosity when he lifted his heavy head from his broad shoulders.

Felix's eyes darted up, his mouth shut tight and his facial expression went blank like always. His look told Y/N that he was strong, but never how he felt. She tried to say something, but the words got stuck in her throat. Unable to speak, she stared with a deadpan face back at the second in command, trying to find an excuse for her behaviour. The idea with the wood seemed so dumb suddenly and she wished she could just melt into the ground or simply disappear as the lost boy stared back at her, locking their eyes and waiting for her to say something.

"Have you seen Pan?" Y/N choked out and sounded calmer than she expected to be. The blonde boy raised an eyebrow suspiciously and nodded behind him into the dark forest. Big trees hovered high up into the sky, all around the clearing, hiding every view. It was pitch black. Y/N swallowed at the sight of the dark woods and she shook her head slowly, feeling so scared of the unknown dangers. There was no reason for her to see Pan, the leader was not a pleasant person himself and the lie only made her more anxious. 

"I think it wasn't important anyways." She mumbled unsure and turned around, feeling how her whole face heatened up at the fact that she talked to the mysterious second in command. Suddenly, the tall boy grabbed her by the wrist, causing her to turn and face him again.

"I'll bring you to him, if you feel scared to go alone." He said dry and rose to his feet, tall and intimidating. The girl was so small next to him, peeking up to him again as her limbs lightly started to tremble. Felix glanced down at her and again, she shook her head slowly. The girl did not know if he simply did not notice it, but when the lost boy shoved her into the pitch black, terror overcame her. What was he doing? Not daring to say a word, before the light around her vanished, she only felt the lost boy's hand on her back as he pushed her gently forwards. Her heart was pounding so hard, she feared he might feel it. Where the hell would he bring her? Where was Pan all the time? 

"Don't." Y/N winced and turned on her heels, running past Felix back into the camp. The lost boy instantly jumped around and stormed after her, chasing her across the clearing towards some big trees. She tripped over one of their big roots, almost crashing down but still finding her balance. This was the moment Felix jumped at the girl, crashing down with her, his heavy weight pressing the air out of her lungs. The lost boy spun her around and pinned her arms down on the floor before she could take a sharp inhale. Y/N tried to free herself in panic, but she could not move at all, when the slender boy straddled her and held her down. The colours in Y/N's  face faded away and her heart pumped wild inside her as if it were about to explode, unable to tell if she felt excited or scared. Maybe a healthy mix of both. She was sure he did not want to hurt her. Frankly, he never did.

"Why in the hell are you running from me." He asked angry, slightly confused and she thought even a bit hurt as he pressed his brows strictly together. 

"Don’t hurt me." She muttered and the pale boy frowned. He loosened his grip and swiftly rose to his feet and pulled his hood back over his head, then strutted quickly away, not even giving her a last glance. 

That was strange, she thought. Her heart was still beating furiously. What happened? The lost boy scared her and made her feel like burning at the same time. She took a deep breath and raised to her feet, wiping the dirt off her clothes. Felix was a strange guy and he only confused Y/N. Why did he just stand up and leave? She was not dumb and clearly could add two and two together. But it could not be that the second in command had some interest in her, why should he? The boy barely spoke to the girl, even when they had chores together. Y/N remembered one of the first days, when Pan sent them both to get some dreamshade and the tall blonde did not even let her near one of those plants, not even mentioning why. When he held the filled glasses, the boy walked a big distance between her back to camp, giving her the feeling of not being wanted. Later she had learned the dangers of it and Felix's strange behaviour now. It was an easy addition but she needed to be sure, not even knowing how to deal with this information.

If I am right.

The next day Felix clearly avoided her. Whenever he felt like she was too close, the lost boy would quickly find another place to go. She did not want to ask any of the boys about it, not wanting them to know, but it was obviously something off. They would not answer her anyways, only giving her questioning looks. After that weird situation in the evening before, the second in command completely vanished. There was no big effort to look for him and when the girl went to bed, she completely forgot about him. He had not given her any duties yet, so she took her chance and left the camp to take a shower and later gather some fruits and seeds, everything edible the Island would offer her without having to kill. She did not know how to hunt and was not sure if she could even catch an animal. Peter once told her that his best man would teach her to hunt, but Felix always seemed to be so busy that she simply never asked him to. At first she had avoided the blonde, lanky boy, not knowing his temper. He had scared her so much but now she could not stop thinking of how he had straddled her and how much she liked it. This was stupid. She barely knew Felix and still Y/N pictured herself with him in so many daydreams now. It was always easier to dream about someone and she was not crazy enough to consider anything about the rough boy. But where would he be? What is he doing right now? God, she needed to stop thinking about Felix. She was overthinking. 

The time passed by and Y/N found herself at the clearing again, watching two boys fight in the distance, with a small crowd around to cheer their violence. Her eyes wandered over the whole area, searching for the second in command. He sat far away next to a few older lost boys that hollered around while drinking some rum. Since Felix would not let them do anything, the only possible solution for the boys was to drink and do stupid things that would not bother the tall scarred one. They were drinking more alcohol than any adult could ever handle. The girl's eyes shifted over the group, seeing how they stumbled and swayed around. Felix sat on a log with his own bottle of rum in his hands, he kept his distance from the other boys, observing them with a blank expression but it was visible that he was drunk, too. When he saw Y/N entering the camp, the second in command's head spun around, meeting her gaze and she could swear his face lightened up.

"Y/N!" Someone big yelled excitedly and jumped at her from the side, almost swaying her off her feet before she could even think of the name "Felix".

"Drink with us!" The chubby boy cheered with a dizzy voice. His dark, bushy eyebrows hung deep over his small eyes and he wrinkled his nose, making a nasty, slimy sound, reminding her of a mull. He was not pretty to look at, mean and vicious, sometimes insulting for no reason. He was that kind of a boy who would mock one and still complain when they did not want to be his friend. 

"No, tha-"

"DRINK!" The chubby boy repeated himself more aggressively and grabbed Y/N's wrist to stop her from leaving before she could even try getting away. His fat fingers would definitely leave a mark later as she furiously tried to yank herself  free.

"YOU ARE HURTING ME!" Y/N whined and buried her nails into his wrist, but the lost boy would not let go.

"It will be fun! Don't be such a lame ass." He gave back and tightened his grip. Felix, who had watched the whole scene from a distance, immediately jumped to his feet and stormed towards them, yanking the boy away and threw him violently into the mud. He gave him the most powerful kick that his anger would provoke, that the sound of the fat lost boy's scream caught everyone's attention. 

"I will snap your fucking neck!" Felix threatened so calmly that the other boys would not even hear it as he pressed his jaw together, his hands forming into fists that his knuckles turned white. The chubby moonface groaned dizzy and turned onto his stomach, trying to lift himself drunkenly out of the sludge. With a closer look, Y/N understood why they all called him Piggy, instead of Mull. He turned his head confused around before he would drop back onto the ground again. The girl's eyes widened at the sight of this cruelty, even though she felt relieved and maybe a little entertained to see Piggy like this. He truly deserved it. On the other hand, she wondered why Felix came so quickly to help after he had tried his best to get out of her way. Y/N's cheeks burned up and she knew it would be the perfect moment to talk to him.

"Go." Felix said. He turned to her and shoved her gently away from the boys towards the tents. His big hand warmed her comfortably on her back, waking the butterflies in her stomach and causing her to shiver. The second in command rested one one of his arms on the girl's shoulder to keep his balance as he swayed between the tall bushes forwards between the trees.

"You should go to sleep." The lost boy said huskily, stopping in front of her tent, his grey eyes staring at the closed curtains. The excitement inside Y/N turned into disappointment when she saw where this actually went, so she stared irritated at the tent as Felix pulled his arm away and stepped away, slowly heading back. 

"I am not tired!" Y/N gave back and knitted her brows together, confused why he just left her now. He could have stayed at the camp instead of joining her in the first place. Why come all this way up here? Felix's head spun around before turning back to stop right in front of the girl. He bent down to face her and made it possible to smell the alcohol in his breath as she stared into his gray eyes illuminated by the pale moonlight. The messy, ashen hair hung half over his face,- Y/N liked so many things about him and right now he was so perfect. He has never been that close before, except when he had tackled her.

"The boys aren't so well behaved," The second in command snickered. "Especially not in that state."

Y/N giggled when she thought of Felix acting like he was a good boy, after all those terrible things he did. There was a reason why he was second in command of this brutal gang and he proved it by the way he treated Piggy. 

"And you're not?" She gave back quite bravely, raising an eyebrow cockily. Felix chuckled low to himself, slightly shaking his head before he gave her a smirk, showing his white palette of perfectly lined up teeth.

"If you want me to," Felix purred and wiggled with his brows. "I'll be whatever you want."

The girl felt goosebumps spread all over her body at his words and for a moment, she just stared speechless back at him, unable to say a word and wanting nothing more than kissing those pink lips. Felix was drunk, he could not think straight and definitely did not mean what he said. The lost boy's breath tickled hers and she noticed how close he was and how she just had to lean in, to steal a kiss. There was no way she would risk it, well aware that Pan loved games and she could not let the thought go, his best man would love them as well. 

"Do you have any suggestions?" She asked as her nose touched his, her lips almost on his as she gently ran her hands over his chest. Felix ignored the question, moving instinctively and rough, grabbing Y/N's neck and pulling her in to close the distance between their mouths. His tongue was warm and tasted like liquor, still it did not bother her at all, when he vividly explored the inside of her mouth. Felix's hands vanished under her hair, grabbing her head and pressing the girl firmer against him while his intoxicated mind led his actions. Y/N gasped surprised into the kiss, not expecting him to do this even though it was what she wished for. Felix was way taller than her and for the moment he was forced to bend down at her height, holding her in his broad arms that pressed her tightly against his chest. When Felix’s pulled away, his eyes were still shut and he ran his thumb over Y/N's lips, licking his own and let out a gasp when he realised that he did not only imagined to do that. Then his eyes widened and she could see that he realised for the first time what just happened, what he just did.

"Sorry…" Felix mumbled unbelievingly and shook his head with widened eyes. He pushed her harshly away and rose to his feet, quickly checking full terror if someone had watched it.

"I was-" Felix spoke hoarse and slowly took a step back, then another one, a few more, until he turned on his heels and sprinted quickly away,  not finishing what he tried to say. 

Y/N stood there for a moment as if she were stuck in place, not able to process what just happened. With a swift movement she stormed through the curtains of her tent towards her bed to hide under the covers. She grabbed a pillow, held it against her face and screamed inside it. It was hard to tell if she felt excited or embarrassed. Felix kissed her, so why should she be worried about something? Maybe it was a test and she failed? Hell no, that would be some serious bullshit if that were the first explanation and she had seen his reaction. The way he held her and how he tasted heatened her up. Every cell inside her body craved for more.

No, what are you doing, she thought and shook her head, replaying that scenario in her head over and over again like a broken record. With a swift move she rolled onto her back and stared up at the curtain ceiling, hoping to find an answer to what her next step could be. If the lost boys would find out, they would never stop talking about it, maybe even start to think she was easy to have. Y/N gulped and squinted her eyes at the thought of them all trying to hit on her. Felix was different though. He was tall and intimidating, his cold stare would pierce through her with a burning desire and his smell intoxicated her mind. Whenever he was around, she could barely think straight, desperately wanting to figure out what laid beneath that cold facade. Never in a thousand years, she could have guessed that he liked her back. On the other hand, he was not able to make proper decisions drunkenly and maybe Y/N was encouraging herself too much. There was almost nothing she knew about the tall boy and falling for him that fast could only harm herself in the end. 

Y/N closed her eyes and brought her fingers to her lips, touching them, while imaging to feel Felix's on them again and remember what they tasted like. The second in command barely spoke to her and now that? There was definitely more behind it. It had to. Her other hand slowly wandered over her stomach to pull up the dress, slipping a finger inside to play with herself. It was not the first time she thought of him while touching herself, but this time something was off. Deep inside her something stopped Y/N, no matter how aroused she already was. She needed to talk to Felix. Under no circumstances she would let him ignore her for days again. Yanking the blanket away, Y/N jumped out of the bed and eagerly left the tent, turning her head furiously around to find the tall boy. He did not sit next to the others anymore and when she walked downhill to his cabin, she could feel her heart pumping furiously inside her chest. The girl stopped in front of the wooden door to knock and when no one answered she knocked again. 

"Felix!" She tried to be as loud as she could be while still not attracting someone else's attention. There was still no answer and she felt dumb for even thinking it was as easy as this to find him after the previous events. He could not be far, the lost boys still needed someone who had an eye on them before someone could get hurt. Their hollering was still audible and the bonfire in the distance let Y/N see a few of them behind the bushes. For a moment she thought of going back to the clearing again, hoping to find Felix there, but the thought of meeting Piggy alone now was no good. 

"Y/N." The girl suddenly heard Felix’s raspy voice behind her and she turned dazzled around, the warmest smile sitting on her lips. 

Felix swayed dizzily into her direction, closing the gap between them two while he tried to keep his balance. The lost boy's head was too high up, making it impossible to steal a kiss from him now. 

"What are you doing here? I told you to sleep." He asked nervously and pulled her away from his cabin towards the trees, his head constantly turning to look if someone watched. When he placed his hand on the girl's back again, his touch sent electric waves through her spine and she wondered how his slender finger would feel on her bare skin.

"Did you drink more?" She asked, noticing how he swayed more and the second in command vividly shook his head in response, grinning like a small boy on a sunny day. 

"You have."

"No."

"Yes."

"Uh-Uh."

"I can cleanly tell-"

"I am-," Felix grabbed Y/N gently by the back of her neck and pulled her in, his face coming closer again. "-Not. Drunk."

She started to laugh and leaned into his grip, bringing her own hand up to touch his scar. Felix's blue eyes melted when he felt her fingers, closing them and relaxing as her touch traced as light as a feather down his skin. He relaxed for a moment and enjoyed the touch on his scarred skin, before he suddenly woke out of trance.

"The boys better not see us." He cleared his throat and broke apart, letting go of her.

"No one saw us, Felix." His name echoed through the dark forest like honey and Y/N grabbed his hand tight- she was way smaller than his. The girl felt Felix's breath in her face, how his nose almost touched hers and before he could do anything she had already closed the gap between them two, pressing her lips against his. Felix moaned surprised into her mouth but instantly grabbed her cheeks and slid his tongue inside. She could still taste the liquor and wondered if she might have taken advantage of this situation. The tall boy's moans told her otherwise. He moved his hands slowly towards the girl's waist down to her ass, cupping it rough while her smell intoxicated his senses. 

"We shouldn't." He whispered and she heard him move even though it was too dark to see. Nevertheless Felix pressed himself harder against her and she felt through his pants how hard he already was from only kissing. 

"Why not." She breathed against his neck, leaving a trail of kisses.

"The boys," Felix said, his eyes rolling back with a soft moan when he felt her tongue on his throat. It was enough to convince the second in command, his fingers wandered over her delicate body, burying them inside her tender flesh. It's been a long time since someone touched Y/N and she could not resist the lost boy's demanding hands. He lifted her dress and wandered with his palm over her skin to the rim of the underwear, enjoying the small moans when his fingers wandered further to her inner thigh, drawing invisible circles on it.

"Felix…" His grip tightened when he heard the girl purr his sweet name in the most delicious way and he almost could not hold himself back to tear her clothes off right at this place. The lost boy dared to slip one of his fingers inside Y/N's panties and when she did not complain, he pushed his slender index inside of her, feeling how her soft walls tightened around him. If Felix had not realised it earlier, he knew at least by now how much she craved him when he felt how wet she already was. Y/N let out a gasp when he started to push his long finger in and out of her, causing the girl's legs to tremble and her knees to shiver in excitement. She closed her eyes, giving up trying to see something in the dark as she melted into Felix's arms, her face sliding down onto his shoulder. She found her balance by grabbing the lost boy's leg and then she realised that he was kneeling in front of her. Y/N was actually glad that the surroundings were pitch black, feeling her cheeks heating up in embarrassment from her uncontrollable sweet moans. Before she would absolutely lose her mind, the girl managed to push the lost boy slightly away from her while her hands moved down to his belt. Her fingertips ran over the leather and the lost boy instantly frowned at her touch, his whole body stiffened and he stopped moving for a second.  

"W-wait." He stammered, the adrenaline pushing the dizziness of the alcohol away. "I-I… never…" he continued and stopped, his hands wrapped around Y/N's wrist, insecurities overwhelming him as he held her in a safe distance. Now she really wished to see his face, well aware that he must look like earlier when he kissed her, startled and somehow shy.

"Well," she replied after a small pause, her voice echoing clear through the night, "Neither have I."

There was an awkward silence between them two and if the lost boy would not hold her by her hips, she would probably believe he was gone by now. The second in command was embarrassed for no reason, what did he fear? Y/N had no clue how to do this and if she was honest, it was way more appealing that Felix was a virgin, too, even though she did not expect that. All the time she thought he was so confident and now he was so vulnerable to her. The lost boy still did not speak, so she bent into another kiss, hoping to catch his lips in the dark. Felix gasped when he felt her lips on his scar and pulled the girl back in.  This was good, they did not need to talk- should not talk. It would only make this weird. Talking would come naturally. Felix grabbed Y/N's hands gently and brought them back to his belt for her to continue what she had started. She let her fingers trail over the leather to his buckle to open it, enjoying the moment when she opened the button of his pants and slowly pulled down his zipper. The lost boy moaned inside her mouth when she slid her hand into his pants, pumping his hardened cock as best as the tight cotton would allow her to. Felix noticed her struggle and broke apart from the kiss to lift himself up and take off his clothes. Y/N heard how each piece of clothing dropped onto the ground while she waited to be told to do the same. 

"Should I keep my dress on or-"

"Keep it on." Felix ordered and chuckled to himself, then pulled her back against him, his cock pressing against her stomach. The lost boy let his hands slide under the girl's dress and pulled down her panties for more access, then kneeled naked in front of her while his fingers did their magic. They felt so long and strange, making Y/N wonder if she could even handle Felix's cock. He already felt so big in her hand when she touched him again, fully exposed and hardened. The lost boy lifted one of her legs over his broad shoulder and before Y/N could even figure out what he was doing, Felix pressed his tongue against her clit. She let out a surprised gasp and giggled at the ticklish sensation. The lost boy felt how tense her leg was and reached for the girl's hand, holding it and drawing invisible circles on her palm. 

"Relax." He lifted his head and lightly squeezed her fingers, caressing it a little, then pushed his mouth against her slit, his hot breath warming her as his tongue slid over her clit. The comfort of his touch relaxed Y/N instantly as if the lost boy had enchanted her somehow. He pressed his rough tongue harder against her, burying his face between her legs as he ate her out. The girl could not control herself to keep her from moaning, but led the boy's pace with it, whenever something felt good. He buried his nails into the tender flesh of her thighs and with a swift move he pushed the girl down onto the ground, pushing his fingers faster into her. She could not tell which was tongue or fingers, the overflowing sensation spread inside her body up to her eyes as she felt how she got closer to her orgasm. When Felix’s jaw started to ache he broke apart, breathing heavily and leaving Y/N craving for more on the cold ground in the exact moment she would almost finish. Without saying a word the lost boy pulled himself up to her, placing some sloppy kisses on her mouth before placing his arms next to her, so that his weight would not be too much.

"I want you so much." He panted while he slowly let his thumb circle over her aroused clit. 

"Felix-" She pressed her lips onto his and stroked his hardened dick and pulled his torso closer to lead him to her wet entrance. The lost boy let out an uncontrollable moan as he pressed his dick against her dripping slit that already craved him so hard, slowly gliding in to make the girl feel every piece of his mighty cock. He stayed in this position for a moment to adjust this feeling and Y/N felt herself tighten around him, excitement overwhelming her body along with the smell of the lost boy intoxicating her mind.

"Fuck!" Felix hissed as he started to move in a steady motion. His lips caught her once more, pulling her into a long, passionate kiss. Y/N took a sharp breath and pushed her hand against his abdomen, when the lost boy moved, feeling like getting torn apart by him. The lost boy stopped for a moment, shoving one arm under her neck to hold her while his lips softly traced over her chest. After a short moment,  Felix moved again. Y/N buried her nails into his skin and rolled her eyes back as the lost boy thrusted into her core, slowly feeling herself relaxing in this position after a few strokes. The pain faded away and she melted into Felix's body as if he was meant to hold her. The sweetest words kept unsaid, too embarrassing, too emotional, still, there was something inside them both that felt more than just enjoying sex. It was Felix who took her virginity and the thought of being the one who took his let her heart skip faster. The second in command felt like a dream,- his sweaty, hot skin pressed tight against hers, his abs flexed and hardened during every move and he was just so fucking tall. Felix moved both of his hands down and cupped her naked butt, lifting Y/N up and pressing her against the bark of a tree. He buried his fingers into her tender flesh and left a trail of kisses on her neck as far as he would reach her. The lost boy held Y/N as if she weighed nothing, pressing her body tightly against his skin. She could not resist sinking her teeth into his neck, sucking on the delicate spot until she was sure he would not leave without a mark. As soon as Felix realised what she was doing, he pulled her head back by her hair. To his own surprise, she let out a light moan, feeling even more excited from his big hand in them. 

"The boys can't know." Felix purred into Y/N's ear before he licked over her neck, sinking his teeth lightly into her shoulder to hold him back from letting out another moan. 

"Harder!" The girl commanded for Felix's surprise, who had already thought he was already being too rough with her. The lost boy followed the order, pressing himself tighter against her before he paced up, pumping in and out. The sudden sensation flooded Y/N's body and she knew there was something building up inside her, an indescribable feeling of being high. Felix moans got higher, sometimes even stuck in his throat and she was sure he was close too and that he desperately wanted to climax. Before she could realise it, Felix swayed them back onto the ground, gripping her ankles and pressing them against his legs as she wrapped her arms around his neck to capture the lost boy in another kiss. 

"I am almost-" Felix spoke in a hoarse tone. It was so dark and Y/M really wished she could see his face at this moment. Felix was so vulnerable right now and even though his moans were the most beautiful melody in her ears, just the thought of a short glimpse of his face made her feel hotter.

"Felix." She purred when he suddenly hit a spot that would not stop making her feel like being on ecstasy. 

"I-." She gasped when the knot inside her stomach released and she felt her orgasm roaring through her body with thousands of tiny, electric waves. Jaw clenched and eyes pinched, Felix gave it to her in short, powerful bursts, filling her up with throbbing pumps. His abs flexed and his hands tightened around her ankles. He cursed. His body tensed, and she swore she felt his cock pulsing inside of her as he came in waves, thrusting in and out until he felt himself getting soft.

"Fuck…" Felix let her legs fall to the side as he bent to rest his head on her sweaty chest. "That was…"

She combed her fingers through his messy hair, almost out of words how incredibly good she felt. "That was something."

"Yeah." He kissed the spot between her breasts, "It was."

Felix pulled his dick out, not even seeing the mess he made but still wanting more. Neither of them wanted that night to end and for a while, Felix tried to find his clothes and Y/N thought of how she would clean herself up.

"C'mon." Felix whispered and she heard him step away. 

"Wait!" Y/N called and quickly grabbed her underwear- well, the only choice right now-, cleaning herself with it, before running after the tall blonde and crashing into his back.

"Easy, love." He chuckled and grabbed her under one of his arms and strutted towards the dark in one direction, knowing this place perfectly, even drunkenly and without light. 

"Where are we going?" The girl asked after what felt like an eternity for her, but in reality it was just a few minutes. The trees left some space for the moonlight now and gave her a chance to take a peak from the second in command's happy face. His cheeks were dyed a deep scarlet and his hair hung messy and full sweat down his face. 

"Trust me." He said and paced a little up before he came to halt in front of a big tree, the ladder up to it vanished behind some leaves. Felix climbed up first and lifted the girl up into the tree house when reached the trap door. Felix moved towards a small night desk and lit up a candle. As soon as the light flooded the room, Y/N saw the small cot and a self-made desk under one of the closed windows. 

"I built it myself." The lost boy grinned and proudly watched the awe in her face. She swirled around and looked at some little carvings that were placed on the wooden table. Some of them looked like her. When Y/N's eyes detected the little sculpture, she finally understood why she never saw the results and why he burned one earlier. The girl turned around to say something, but Felix stopped her immediately. Before she could say anything, Felix dropped down onto one knee and pulled her into a kiss. His tongue slid over her lips, begging for permission to enter. Without thinking about it, she opened her mouth and felt the lost boy's hand on her hips, pressing her against his body. 

"I never thought you would like me too." Felix moaned and eagerly kissed his way down her neck, back to her face and lips, repeating the same thing on the other side and showing how hungry he still was for the girl. Felix clearly had not been touched in a while, just like Y/N, so it was quite natural that they immediately would have a moment like this sooner or later. But why Felix? What was about him that made Y/N constantly crave more, causing her to feel like an addict without his drugs, whenever his lips left hers? Her cheeks heated up and she smiled in the kiss, thinking of the previous events, how Felix's hands felt on her skin. It was special to be with him and the girl's instincts told her that it was more than just sex, that Felix wanted more, too. 

"I want you again." Felix licked over his lips and looked at Y/N through half-opened eyes before he slowly melted back into another kiss, this time slow and passionate, synchronising with her while his hands moved down her hips and legs. He gently rubbed his hand against her inner thigh and wandered towards her crotch, to shove a finger inside her still wet hole. He smirked dirty when he felt his mess. Y/N wanted him so much, just like he craved her, maybe even a little more. 

"I want to get naked all night long." Felix purred as he pushed his fingers inside and out of Y/N, her light moans echoing in his ears. Without further commands, the girl slipped the dress over her shoulder, letting it elegantly slide down her now exposed body. Felix's cheeks flushed up into the deepest red, his eyes admiring every sight of her that he desired for so long, and truth be told, he was in awe. When the cotton touched the floor, the lost boy grabbed for the hem of his own shirt and ripped it off, then quickly unbuttoned his pants before he crossed them with his underwear through the room. When Felix pinned her down and pulled Y/N into another kiss, he was already hard again, his hot skin burning against hers as her mind drifted off into a feeling of ecstasy. The way Felix's hands trailed down her body gave her chills once more, kept her warm and made her feel wanted. 

"Pan would kill us for this." She mumbled into the kiss when the girl thought of how he protected her earlier, something he never did before and sure did not keep unnoticed to the other boys as well. It worried Y/N for a moment, thinking about how Pan always found out every secret, no matter how little it was. And this was definitely not a small secret, something that could be obvious to others. Or maybe Y/N was just paranoid. 

"Relax." Felix said, frowning at her words as if the same thought had bothered him for a while now, too. "He isn't here. He won't find out."

The blonde boy rolled over onto his back, pulling the girl with him so she would straddle him. The light of the candle danced over his sharp features, letting it shine in an orange light that spread down to his muscles, constantly catching her eyes as if they were glued on him. Felix always looked beautiful in the orange light of the fire. Every night she would catch herself staring at him. He was perfect. 

"You look so beautiful." Felix whispered more to himself than to her, then wiped some hair out of her face. "Unbelievable that someone like you chose someone weird like me."

Before Y/N could correct him, the second in command already captured her lips with his own, burying one hand in her hair while he kneaded one of her breasts with the other one. His words only flattered the girl and she felt the burning desire to finally be one with him again and melt into his body. Felix gasped at her touch and moaned into her mouth when she wrapped her hand around his dick, slowly pumping up and down while gently rubbing at the delicate tip. His member felt long and thick in her hands, but did not scare her off like earlier. Placing the tip at her wet entrance, she slowly slid down onto him, relieved that the lost boy did not push against back,. The stretching feeling made her feel like getting torn apart all over again and she  gave herself a moment to adjust to the size. The lost boy rolled his eyes back and shut them with a loud moan when he felt her walls tightened around, rubbing his thumbs against the tender flesh of her  hips, when she finally started to slowly move up and down. Seeing the ruthless second in command like this was really stunning and lovely to look at. Felix's mouth was slightly agape and the muscles on his forehead were constantly twitching, moving his eyebrows constantly around. Never had Y/N seen so much emotion in his face before. She  pressed her body against the lost boy and sucked at the tender part of Felix's neck. The lost boy used that moment as a chance to turn her over, holding Y/N tight in his arm, the other one holding his weight so he would not suffocate her while he was pumping in and out. Y/N moaned in ecstasy and ran her hands over his muscular back, feeling his skin against them and how his sweat dropped onto her body. She placed her legs on each side of his, clearly noticing the height difference and feeling like a delicate doll as he embraced her. Felix paced up and she rolled her eyes back when he entered in another angle to come even deeper. She never wanted this to stop and kept feeling how the lost boy filled her with his thick manhood, smelling his scent and feeling his hot skin burning against hers. Felix kissed his way down to her chest and caught one of her nipples between his lips, lightly starting to suck on them and intensing it with each time he thrusted in. These were the final strokes that caused Y/N's legs to shiver and tense up every muscle in her body as her climax roared through her whole body, up into her eyes into the back of her head. The lost boy grabbed Y/N's shoulders and when he came, too, the light of the candles danced in his beautiful, scrunched up face. It was a lie to say she did not like that view and the squeaking sound he made when Felix felt his orgasm deep inside her with throbbing pumps. Felix rolled next to the girl, trying to catch his breath and when he did so, he grabbed a towel from the bed for her. 

"We could have used the bed." Y/N broke the soothing silence after a while and Felix chuckled, then nodded in agreement.  

"Next time." He grinned, pulling his boxers up and placing himself back onto the ground. His eyes did not stop looking at the girl while she grabbed her dress and pulled it back over herself. For a long time they just looked at each other, laughing and giggling, kissing each other but remaining silent. This was clearly something none of them expected to happen. 

"What do you see in me?" Y/N suddenly asked, caughting the lost boy off guard, his facial expression went into full confusion. It took him a moment to think about her question before he simply smiled. His eyes would always melt at her sight and in that moment she needed no words from him to realise how much he was in love with her. The lost boy pulled Y/N closer to him and placed her head against his chest, lifted her on his arms and carried her to the bed where he would let himself fall onto the soft mattress. His legs hung over the wooden frame as he gently rubbed his hands over her back while listening to the beat of his heart. 

"I would never let anyone harm you." His voice was just a warm breeze on her earlobe, tickling her like a gentle kiss. 

"What about Pan?" She asked after a while and took a glimpse at his relaxed face and how her question did not seem to have woken any worries inside him now. He had brushed it off earlier.

"I think, actually, he knew way before me." Felix chuckled low and shook his head unbelieving. "He gave me a chance I got wasted."