#I don't hate it which is a good step
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I drew something!
#time for a drink...[ooc]#mun art#I used help for the pose#but still#I don't hate it which is a good step#also can't believe I managed to focus on this so long
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There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.
#I FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING RN in the context of this alternate universe these posts live in. that makes me evil rn. I may not even keep#the post up. but I Needed to complain about these bc I hate seeing them#really funny and good because it very much feeds into that part of the brain where you go wait am I stupid? am I horrible? am I annoying?#before you express any kind of personal feelings. from feeling insecure alll the way down the spectrum to feeling like your life is over#before anyone How Dare You Say We Piss On The Poor-s at me YES there is a nuanced version of this#which is. you can make someone feel like shit (A Fellow Sufferer Of The Mental Eelnesses) by using them as your dumping ground#in excess and usually with no regard for how they feel and without Regular conversations inbetween#and in a one-sided way where they can't do the same and complain with you as a sounding board in return#don't tell new friends you hardly know abt THE MOST personal shit you can possibly think of. there are steps being skipped here#right? we know this. we all know it. setting a boundary is a thing. overwhelming a person is a thing#on the other hand there is such a thing as a friend who IS okay to listen and wants to help. and friends who relate.#maybe talking abt personal stuff makes ppl feel closer sometimes. just a thought! maybe not everything is Emotional Labor. maybe just maybe#but like come on. these are almost intentionally unhelpful posts#long post
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I have been reading too much of what people have been saying about Lewis's move to Ferrari recently. And I can't take this honeymoon phase seeiously at all. I genuinely like both Lewis and Charles but I am gonna root for Lewis first and foremost. He needs to take back his 8th championship more than Charles needing to get his maiden F1 championship. I feel like there's going to be a lot of the Lecfosi who are praising LH now will turn against him next year, regardless of if he outperforms Charles or not.
#a lot of the criticism lecfosi have about carlos not being ferrari enough#which i still don't know wtf that means#could apply to lewis#“oh he doesn't eat sleep breathe ferrari”#carlos has repeatedly spoken about hoe dedicated to the ferrari project he is but some of y'all use his family memebers liking social media#comments to go against that#also carlos speaks italian and is frequently shown hanging out with ferrari staff members all the time#which is whatever you don't have to like the family but to use that against carlos is wack considering he doesn't really run his own socials#like charles does#therefore i don't even think carlos knows about what his family is doing online. i can be wrong about this i have no proof#lewis doesn't speak italian and got in the way of ferrari winning championships multiple times#will he be considered to “eat sleep breathe ferrari” to some of y'all? nope!#the lecfosi who hate anything Carlos does should be happier that he's a step below Charles when it comes to qualifying and race pace#because Lewis will be more competitive and more of a threat to Charles's championship prospecfs#tldr: i don't believe in this honeymoon 1644 that is currently happening in 2024#also the ferrari-coded driver discourse is really stupid please argue about something more relevant / important#the lecfosi who dislike Carlos and want him out of Ferrari so Charles can prosper only for him to be replaced by the most successful driver#is not good news for y'all 🫵#yes tensions will rise and there is a reason why it's been historically hard for 2 first drivers to co-exist in the same team#f1#formula 1#lewis hamilton#charles leclerc#carlos sainz
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i have a confession to make: i'm actually doing better than i ever was
#i started making friendship bracelets for my show & for my gang today#i'm actually pretty excited#also it feels different when you make them for specific people because then you actually make them with love#so i was thinking of you today (you know who you are) 🤍#i also realized that i actually like my job which is crazy to me#i've been struggling with this so much during past few months and i am finally somewhere i don't hate#i like my coworkers and i don't want to cry when i have to go there#i don't even mind working with customers anymore because most of them are nice here#and this job may actually give me the opportunity to make more money in the future so i might just stay here for a while#this is not a perfect life but it is MY life and honestly i wouldn't change a thing about it right now#i am doing good and i am healing#i am taking care of myself#one step at a time#no rush#i'm trying to focus on things that make me happy and myself#i talk to my friends a lot i talk to my parents#i am fine and this time it's not a lie#i feel like maybe one day i will be finally able to say that i'm happy#i'm not there yet but it's good#yay for me i guess#🤍🤍🤍#but sincerely can you hear me?*
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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
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I can't believe only one work of fiction understands the Lizzie/Darcy dynamic beyond Pride and Prejudice (1813 novel) and it's Twisters (2024 film)
#two people make assumptions based on their initial impressions and incorrect/incomplete information#and only start to fall in love when they clear that up#everyone seems to think that the dynamic is just “two people hate each other until they don't” which is NOT the case#it's about getting to know someone and that changing things!#+ the guy takes the first step to fix things! (Darcy by helping prevent a scandal with Lydia and Tyler with taking Kate to the rodeo)#(and actively sharing about himself)#the idea is that the progress has to feel EARNED#the distaste has to seem genuinely founded and then actually not be#Darcy seems like a jerk bc he's reserved.#Tyler seems like a jerk bc charisma and youtube persona and whatnot.#your dude does not have ill will.#the result should be that when your girl goes “hmm maybe I was wrong about this guy. maybe he's a good person” the audience should agree#and not be like “girl you should be at the Olympics for those kinda leaps”#anyways#twisters 2024#pride and prejudice
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Ok and on that while I do think having the Option to switch ryan and kaitlyn in chapter 7 would have made a more interesting game, I do value time with the bestie and dylan/kaitlyn bonding time was the best part of the game imo
#like I get most people want the switch for shipping purposes which there is nothing wrong with#I am a kaitlyn stan and also I don't hate jacob and I think having her find jacob in the basement would have been so so cool#like she dedicated freaks out a bit but her being so collected when all this shit is going down is very much her character#so having her absolutely lose it if she fails to get jacob out or even if it made the puzzle harder somehow#like it was harder for her to focus ohhh it would have been so good#*definitely#I also saw a post that said the only way to save all of the hacketts (well minus kaylee rip) would be if ryan stepped back#and let kaitlyn and laura handle it and then he would have the chance to kill silas in the scrap yard#and that whole idea has rewired my brain can you Imagine#this game. this game. sooo close to being really good#the quarry
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One thing I really wish the FF Community would Stop doing is Removing All Nuance from the Parents in Those Stories in order to Make Them Abusive Supervillains who Never Loved their Kid.
Like... In the Four Years I've been here, and for how Small the Community really is, you'd be surprised how many Times I've seen it-
#The Most Prominent (and Worst) Example I can Give is with Alec’s Mother#Like... Yeah- She listens to Fucking Books and is a Karen basically- She's not a Good Mother#But making her into an Abusive Mother who Never Loved Alec and just wants to Control Him?? I think we read the Wrong Book Guys-#That Removes alot of the Tragedy in Lonely Freddy- The Fact that Things could've Gotten Better if they just Talked#But they can't anymore since Alec is Trapped in a Dumpster...#There's also plenty of More Examples I can Give#Devon's Mother isn’t Abusive or Homophobic- She’s a Struggling Woman who was Abused herself (Devon’s Father threw things at her)#Which in turn from that Struggle- Has made her Neglectful of Him#I can't really say much for Pete's Mom since I forgot alot of Step Closer- but making her a Comical Abusive Mother probably isn’t accurate.#I even once saw Oswald's Dad get Villainized and Like... We definitely must've read the wrong story cause the worst thing I remember him#doing is getting upset at Oswald for going Into the Pit#It's usually always the Mothers who get Villainized tho- Like... If we're going to look at their Kids with Nuance and-#- believe they could get better if their stories didn't end with Tragedy#Why can't we do the same for their Parents??#Also if you REALLY want like... an Abusive Parent to Hate- Greg's Dad is right There.#Angel's Step Dad is Pretty Abusive too from what I heard (I never read the Story)#I'm just saying- There’s no need to villainize the Parents with Actual Nuance to Comical Degrees#fazbear frights#<- Tagging it because it's something I've really grown tired of...#Oh Yeah in Case I wasn't Clear#I don't think the Ones I mentioned above are good Parents necessarily (Besides maybe Oswald's Dad)#I just Don't like when people make every single one of them Super Mega Abusive cause that like... Kinda removes the fact that you can be a-#- Bad Parent WITHOUT being Abusive or Hating their Kids?? Like... You're kinda removing alot of Gray and making things very Black and White#Ok sorry for Writing an Essay in the Tags- I just had alot to Explain
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(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this
#Shrouded In A Rectangle neither sleeves nor an open front to be besieged with? yes#just doing whatever else like doesn't matter. tee cargo shorts which is my best guess rn of my ideal outfit. + sandals Absolutely#unfortunately my hair could never do that. somehow neither am i yet like forties fifties? have i not been at this for eons?#i Can be like uh let's just nobody talk to me i'm busy pensively perceiving truths that you don't ever actually wanna hear about#just the other day it was like hey....a [way Having To Talk could be a difficulty / problem] was under my nose in this lifelong pattern#certainly noticing the Verbal Exchange Demand heaped upon burnout as like [delay delay delay struggle weariness stress]#but also who knows like spent plenty of time just probably indeed Not having to have such exchanges while burned out. not noting them#anyway like this isn't even [dysphoric Ideal Outfit until i could [whatever supposed even more ideal than that gender euphoria]]#though shoutout to that but like nah get shrouded anyway. the only [how do i look] im motivated to consider is: when it's a costume#when it's just me it's like. i guess whatever pants and a comfortable enough tee. need glasses. hair's w/e so cut quite short ig#might accessorize w/things that are fun to me like hey yeah yknow i might want a calculator watch#[yea as a kid it was like :( im actively appreciating the animals supposedly Gross or Bad] if i had hated little friends Sure yaay#if i had disorienting light effects like a pelagic creature. but you don't even need that. like hey i'm nd in real life. i got it#chat i'm in the walls too bestie lmao. if only my bigfoot pose reference Step was this good#tl;dr long rephrasing of my being like; now the gender slay....#& nodding & Noting when [worksheet exercise: what's your gender euphoria look?] is like shrug idk. but this is serving maximally to me; so#going Chat how can i up my uncanny stats. looking up ''isn't it like Uncanny knowledge e.g. so like why not....canny''#but i think the un canny is the Uncanniness Accuser's perspective. not of My ken. your literal weird one maybe#so again apt to be like jk i'm just autistic & shit; i got it....horror shit challenge impossible: Don't have sm typical mundane#[disability moment] as like Unsettling danger/malice cues. challenge impossible; again#subverted here like as [horror holding hands touching foreheads w/comedy] w/o Rescinding just casual disabled behavior/qualities#just remembered like three witches weird sisters etc macbeth. weird uncanny soothsaying gendering. word#anyway i should be shrouded (made no any connection whenever i put the blanket now over my head & shoulders in place min ago)#perhaps the real Ideal Look insight: i do not have any way i wish to be observed by people. secret passages / removed room anytime
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thinking about how 5x04 birthmarks actually sets up house's childhood as being more fucked up than i think the writers intended.
like okay. to run down: john house is abusive towards his son. house deduces that his dad isn't his biological father when he's 12 and confronts him about it. as a result, his dad proceeds to not speak to him for months besides leaving notes at his bedroom door. house's belief that his dad isn't his biological father is eventually vindicated after john's death and he realizes that his mother didn't like his father much either.
which. jesus christ. can we just take a step back and let that sink in? his mother had an affair and house is the result of that. and his mom just..... lets her husband abuse her son? it doesn't sound like she really stepped in at any point to stop it and the only time we see his parents together she makes excuses for her husband's behavior. and like. house is born in 1959 so yes, it's not like his mother could easily leave her husband and i'm not saying that blythe house is evil bc it is a difficult situation given the time period, but the way the narrative frames her (lack of) action in such a passive way vs acknowledging that she's complicit is... really fucked up tbh! and i'm not saying that a victim of child abuse can't love their parents bc it's really complicated! but it's just such a weird thing to toss out there like a dead fish to fester in the sun and do absolutely nothing else with it.
i really don't know that the writers fully thought through the implications of the back story they set up even tho it ends up explaining why house puts up with a lot of really messed up shit from the people around him.
#good morning and hello! woke up thinking about this!#side bar: it's weird the only characters they constantly bring up pre-series back stories for are cameron and to a lesser extent foreman#thirteen is defined by having huntington's so her backstory comes up but not in the same way it comes up with cameron or foreman#everyone clearly had a life pre-series and currently has a personal life but only the two characters are constantly defined by their pasts#so it just makes it weirder to drop this Very Big and Serious back story for house when we don't know a lot about him even tho he's the mc#which is the same thing conan doyle did with sherlock: he has a past and it's referenced but not critical and that's *fine*#but there's really no closing the pandora's box once you've had the reveal that house is the survivor of child abuse and the product of#an affair that his mother had and she seemingly didn't step in a whole lot to stop it tho she was there for the aftermath#this rewatch is just so fascinating. i'm getting such a different experience out of it and i have no clue why.#hate crimes md#house md#gregory house
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I'm so normal I love it when the current blorbo canonically displays signs of trauma and it's noticed by the people and it's not played for jokes (aside from misunderstanding what their reactions really mean)
#playing bridge to the turnabout#i love how immediately phoenix is not having a good time#I love that Maya notices that something is up#I love how he can barely step foot on the bridge and absolutely hates that he has to cross it#and he still runs across it on the off chance that Maya is in danger#I love that Edgeworth is so worried about them both#I love that Phoenix is silently having a panic attack while Maya teases him about his 'crush' on Iris#i love that he gets quiet and snappy when he's triggered just like he was whenever edgeworth was brought up during AA2#I love that even when he's got a high fever and cant leave his hospital bed he's still researching on his laptop bc he can't just do nothin#also sidenote: that forbidden hospital scene really is forbidden huh#they just don't show anything at all#we're just suddenly edgeworth who is confused and a little distressed and he doesn't even consider not helping phoenix out#he thinks this is all bullshit but he can't just not help wright when he needs it like that's not even conceivable#he does say 'i wish i never came back' all the time but never with anything that has to do with phoenix#mostly bc of larry which is completely understandable#sorry i needed to ramble im just very excited
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Silly goofy StanNarrator (Patreon)
#Doodles#The Stanley Parable#TSP#Silly mode leftover doodles from my alt notebook#I wasn't as concerned with making these finished or pretty but they did turn out cute >:3c#Since I've established that Sinister thinks in images the next logical step is imagining the Narrator - and he hates that ✨#He is not made to be perceived! He is an imageless entity! A total enigma! Lol#If we as an audience can imagine what a Narrator might look like - to the best of our abilities - I don't see why Stanley wouldn't#Even if he's not Exact - personally I don't think it matters lol the Narrator isn't /meant/ to have a fixed form imo - it's still flustering#You give him so much material to work with Narra! To imagine what face you might make or your body language#Or worst yet when he plays with the mental projection like a doll - much like what the Narrator does to Stanley hehehe#How does it feel to be ''made'' to do things that wouldn't reflect you! It's an interesting role reversal that works within their confines#Also makes me wonder how much Narra would play into it haha - if Stanley ''flipped him upside down'' would he get dizzy? Even a little?#To what degree is he real! To what degree is Stanley real if he's not being interacted with!! The themes!!!! <3#Anyway lol ♪ Silly Stanley noise chart for funsies#There are a lot of sounds humans can make with their mouths even discounting vocal cords - I could definitely see him doing verbal stims#Who me projecting again? Psh no anyway (lol)#And then some kisses! This is my first time drawing my versions kissing!!! Which actually solidified a new headcanon for the Narrator haha#Because he (ostensibly) needs his mouth to narrate he doesn't like kisses on the mouth :) He weak to it!#Doesn't stop Sin from enjoying kissing him lol - it's a good way to shut up him In Case of Power Play#But sometimes♪ he'll try to respect his wishes - not all the time tho haha
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Every time I see someone use Purple Haze Feedback for 'UwU FuGio real!!' or paint Giorno as a coldhearted sadistic master manipulator I feel myself coming closer and closer to snapping
#theskinwalkerqueenspeaks#granted i don't like fugio#i don't see a problem with the ship it's just not my personal otp#hell sometimes i see really good fugio art or fic stuff and i go 'y'know what fuck yeah that slaps'!!! i'm not a fugio hater#but the entire point of purple haze feedback was not to be endgame ship material#i'm also not saying that you couldn't use that to back up your ship but if that is the only thing you got out of it you should take a step#back from fandom and shipping culture bc you should be able to interact with a piece of media without thinking 'how can i ship this'#also giorno is a deeply traumatized teenager he ain't manipulating the mafia that easily lmfao#that one goes out to the crowd who think that giorno only told bruno what he wanted to hear#which is bullshit in itself because he hadn't even heard of bruno prior how the hell would he pull 'oh yeah same i hate drugs too'#out of his ass without knowing bruno and without bruno ever saying that he hated passione's involvement in the drug trade#it's a huge leap#also!!#giorno went out of his way more than once to try to keep his team alive and at the cost of not achieving his dream at that#those are not the actions of someone who doesn't care who lives or dies as long as his goals are met#you all need to rewatch the series and reassess how you see characters because holy fuck you missed so many gods damn points#rant over
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My parents should be fuckin ashamed
#you borrow 80 bucks then can only find me 21 back then i put that 21 into good for your kids then spend the rest of my paycheck getting#diapers pull ups medicine more food for kids and then i fill up the 15 passenger van and then when dad asks why i don't have money to eat#on my lunchbreaks at work like I'm some over spending wild irresponsible bitch when he's the one going to concerts and paying for fancy dat#s and jewelry for his gf and buying groceries for her but you know it's fine#take all my time and energy#so that i literally am a zombie and fall asleep on the very very very limited free time i get#(after doin extra chores to earn said free time)#wo that i fall asleep half way in which isn't fair to my partner and isn't fair to me#take all my income so i cant afford anything#take all my time#take all my energy#YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED YOU GROOMED ME AND MESHED THE FAMILY'S ENTIRE LIFE STYLE FOR ME TO BE LIKE THIS#I CANT MAKE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS BECAUSE I JUST CAN NOT FUNCTION IF I'M NOT GIVING EVERYTHING TO SOMEONE#IT SUCKS I HATE IT#THEY'LL NEVER ADMIT THEY FUCKED ME OVER#EVER#THEY'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING TO FIX IT OR CHANGE#AND I HAVE NO HOPE FOR ANY CHANGES#MY LITTLE SIBLINGS SEE WHAT I DO FOR THEM AND THEY HUG ME AND TELL ME HOW MUCH THEY LIVE ME#'thank you so much for taking care of us' that tell me all the time 'you do so much for us'#it breaks my heart i wish i could give them the world i love them so much they deserve so much better#my mom lost her chance to be decent my dad better learn soon otherwise all his kids minus his favorite will hate him#i love ny parents#and i know they live me and my siblings#but they groomed me into the most miserable personification of elder daughter syndrome and they should be ashamed for what they've done#and be ashamed that they sucked so bad that they're own child had to step up
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I need to stop going through the cycle of realizing I'm ruining and wasting my life and then not doing anything about it every week I can't do this anymore godddddd
#vent#sowwy I'm just so tired#i really don't like my major I feel like I'm not learning anything and I'm just wasting my time pursuing something I'm not good at#and which doesn't even bring me joy#plus I'm too scared to look for work because ehat if I can't keep up with my classes. which I already can't and I can't figure why#why does everything go wrong each semester i made a point to start assignments early this time but I can't keep it up for more than a month#the thing is when I had a job I was tired all the time but at least work was work and I hd weekends off#right now it's like either I do uni or I feel bad for not doing uni and not using my time on this forsaken planet to do something#and I know the steps I need to take to not feel miserabel all the time i do!!! but i can't figure out why I don't do it already#i need to find a job so i can get out of the uni sphere and feel like I'm actually doing something. also i need money.#then i can study at my own pace and stop doing too many classes#and if then i find out I hate the job I'm doing I can still try something different but uh I don't ACTUALLY hate urban planning I just hate#how out of touch uni is. this was supposed to br fun and enlightening but i just. keep tripping over my own incompetence
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#tag talk#as much as I hate to see the social cinema grow as I get new followers. we're at a good and satisfying number. and I like that#also also also. I've introduced a friend to Hannibal (tv show) and he's loving it and I'm so happy cause none of#of my other friends have been able to stomach the body horror. so it's super cool to find someone to hype over it with#another random story that I genuinely can't remember if I said already. got told by a kid in minecraft that he's smiled a lot more around me#which. huge compliment. genuine honor to make people happy and smile and laugh#people don't laugh enough. we don't smile enough. be happy or die. and I'm too powerful to die. been there. haven't done that#cry and then laugh and then punch as hard as you can.#got to visit some of my favorite residents from the nursing home I first worked at. lotta new staff but my three favorite nurses are still#which is nice. I cried when I left that job because even though it crushed my soul I loved my coworkers and most of my residents.#I get why some healthcare workers grind themselves to the bone for the job. you're making such a huge difference in people's lives.#I tried but didn't have the fortitude for it. but it's nice to be able to go back and say hi to the friends I made and see how things are.#anyway. sorry for being weird like.. one or two weeks ago. I think things are settling out again. moving is rough but we're making it work#It's been a lot of Lear again lately. especially while being at my parents house. he doesn't mind being deadnamed as much sooo....#idk. at least one of us is capable of surviving the dmv and the state medicaid website. heaven knows I can't manage.#trying to stop using him as a crutch for getting things done has just resulted in us not being able to get things done.#but I don't want to be someone else I want to be me. I don't want to be the armor I want to be the human inside.#I don't want to live defensively. pushing everyone away. I can't do that.#anyway. we're back home! and work is on the horizon. hopefully this job works out cause I don't want to have to apply for new jobs.#the hr rep is a man at this store and I immediately got set on edge and our voice dropped as I stepped back.#then we introduced ourselves with the wrong name and he got confused and I just felt stupid about it#but how am I supposed to know which name he's been told. he didn't even use our paperwork name. Anyway that was a disaster#but we're on track and embarrassment is not a setback but a feeling about the way things progress. and it is progress we're making
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