#I don’t think ppl understand me when I say I’m paranoid

[mylove-thresher]

there might be a spider somewhere and that’s enough for me to be paranoid

[dnvrsmedia]

once again no spoilers bc it’s been like what 24hrs since act 3 came out lmao BUT

now that i’ve had time to sit w this season i cant help but think of some minor things that i didn’t really enjoy. now don’t jump me PLEASE rmbr ppl can have opinions & still be fans of the show.

there were some underdeveloped plots that i initially had hoped would get worked out. i do understand that a lot had to be cut to fit this two season 9 episode model arcane has! but now, this makes me wonder if this is left like this on purpose? not to sound like a paranoid freak but when have they not done EVERYTHING for a reason?

ik this is the last we will see of this piltover/zaun storyline, but smthn in me feels like some leaves were left unturned for a reason.

i’m curious to hear what you all have to say!

[bonesandthebees]

Hiya!!

I was just wondering how do you go about writing dialogue? Yk characterizations and all that. I don’t know how to make natural banter or how to see how much a character would actually reveal about themselves. Bc like ppl have filters to what they actual say and I tend to try to resolve everything too quickly and unrealistically. So any advice would be appreciated!

-🌷(I’m new to tumblr and dunno what any of these emojis mean, I’m rlly confused 💀)

hmm okay, this one is a little tricky for me to answer because dialogue is probably the aspect of writing that has always come the most naturally to me so it's not something I actively think about. but I'll try my best to give advice!

first off, what's most important is to make sure you know your character. know what their core traits are, and use that to determine how the character is going to act in a given situation. now, if you're writing fanfic and more specifically if you're writing an au, once you understand the core of the character from the original media, make sure you understand your specific au version of the character as well. what's their background? how has that influenced the character to be different from the original canon character? how do their core traits— the ones you have to hold onto to keep the character 'in character'—still shine through even in this different world?

then, less specifically, how does the character think? what are they feeling about the situation they're currently in?

basically, if you understand who your character is and where their head is at, that's going to make writing dialogue a lot easier. you need to understand the emotions the characters are going through, and how they're going to handle those emotions.

for example: in stars, a lot of stars!wilbur's dialogue is influenced both by how he was raised, but also by his own paranoia and anxiety. he's been raised as royalty with the expectation that he will become his brother's advisor. he's been taught how to participate in political negotiations and understands how these political games are played. so when he speaks on these matters, he phrases things more eloquently than tommy does because he knows how to 'dress these words up' like most politicians do. at the same time though, he's paranoid about who they can trust, and scared of what will happen if things go wrong. depending on who he's speaking to, he reveals some information but not everything, depending on how much he trusts the person and what his relationship with them is.

I wish I could give better advice then that but just try to be familiar with your character and understand where their head is at.

(also don't worry about the emojis lol. it's not a standard thing by any means. just here on my blog I answer a lot of asks people send me, and sometimes if someone sends me a lot of asks anonymously they might want to sign off who they are so I (and everyone else on my blog who sees their asks) know they're coming from the same person, even if we don't necessarily know who that person is.)

[clamsjams]

If you’re chill with people in your ask box sharing theories /if not you can ignore this ^^/. My personal theory about Maximus is that he’s not secretly working for the federation or anything, the federation just needed him to either 1: cause unrest and distrust among the order group since he was one of the forming members of it 2: they needed to test a small experiment with him, 3 he could’ve also became a sleeper agent but I doubt it.

I don’t think the code attacks people who are with the federation, I think it attacks people because the federation needs them for something or to take them in private, making the code seem worse and more threatening to the residents just helps the cause since it takes the heat off the federation a little bit.

dude i’m chill with people in my ask box just to say hi or something pls pls pls talk to me i am normal i swear i am not foaming at the mouth i can talk to ppl

anyways yeah i absolutely agree with ur first thing, bc of how trumps death affected max and the way he’s been so so focused on finding answers, founding the ordo theoritas, and basically constantly trying to figure out the federation, there’s basically no way he would ever be a part of the federation willingly imo. unlike fit, who seemed to stay more neutral, which makes sense if he was planning on being a traitor for a different organization, and he had to have been planning that for a while, if not since the start, which makes his neutrality seem like a planned move.

however, max is extremely paranoid and gets tunnel vision when it comes to the federation, which makes it extremely easy to manipulate him if u know what ur doing. and look, i hate to have to take the ass camera seriously, especially bc the ass camera thing was like improv that they came up with on the spot, so if you’ll excuse me for being meta for a sec, there’s no way the people who put together the story could’ve planned for that or factored it into the lore. BUT hehe butt implanting some kind of monitoring device into someone does seem like a classic federation move, even though i think it’s main goal was to gather info, and the sowing of dissent was kind of a secondary bonus

and as for the code thing, that’s def an interesting point. i like the idea that the code is a red herring, something planted by the federation to serve its goals. and i think that would be interesting if the codes real goal is to give the players an enemy to unite against, to make them feel like theyre doing something and to take the heat off of the federation for a sec. bc most players seem to agree that between the feds and the code, the feds are the lower priority threat, the lesser of two evils. bc the feds don’t resort to violence as much as the code, and their agents can be reasoned with, in a way, even tho that reasoning and logic seems pretty warped to anyone with a functioning understanding of how emotions work. the code, on the other hand, just shows up, attacks, and leaves, there’s no way to talk to them or try to negotiate, bc you’ll just get killed if you try. so yeah def a possibility

but that’s the thing about the codes. when u theorize u go off of the info that u can gain from the source material, things that are explicitly stated, things that are implied, and things that u can extrapolate based on the data u have and logical thinking. the problem with codes is that they’ve given me basically nothing to work with. all i know is that they attack without mercy, they have some form of admin powers, allowing them to fly and summon mobs, they target the eggs for some reason, and the federation won’t admit they exist. that’s basically it. which means that all of my thoughts on them is just baseless speculation. when i theorize about them, it’s mostly just me speculating on a direction i think the code storyline could possibly go in and how it might affect the storyline, but i have nothing to back that up.

anyways that was basically a long winded way to say, i don’t fuckin know what’s going on with the codes at all but it’s a fun thing to think about and i think ur idea is def plausible and would have interesting implications

[dteamain]

idk if this is just me being paranoid or dramatic but i’m actually really scared of this whole situation going bad in the future just bc of the rapture. not saying this will lead to that happening again but there’s a history of people wanting dream and thinking there could be something there when he’s actually dry af and never implied that. and i don’t want this to be used as ammo against him when he’s probably just being polite and doesn’t want ppl to think he hates his stans or whatever. i just don’t know. sorry for rambling

i understand being paranoid about it somethings to soothe the paranoia: one this all very publicly happening the last time this shit happened it was in private which I think added to the delusion and parasocialism. Also we already know how this ends half the reason the other shit blew up like it did was because people took stan and update accounts to seriously if you know not to do that again then we are fine like fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me type beat

[auto-complains]

Ppl will be like “you know it’s really negative to say you think people don’t like you =/ how do you think that makes them feel that you feel like they don’t like you =/“ like SORRY MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKES ME PARANOID?????? And usually when people voice concerns of people not liking them it’s when they have very little indication from anybody that they don’t . Some people have NO INDICATION that they aren’t disliked and struggle to tell why people do certain things and saying that there IS a reason for them to be hated isn’t going to help!!!

ppl act like they’re so amazing for preaching kindness while putting down people who clearly have self esteem issues and giving them more reasons to hate themself just to make themselves look better for being so kind and confident 😇

I’m sorry if you actually cared about people with mental issues you wouldn’t use their paranoia and trust issues against them idk. How about instead of gloating about how confident you are we discuss how we can communicate better with each other and understand better instead of critiquing people struggling with stuff idk.

ID ALSO LIKE TO NOTE. I am aware it can be toxic to constantly complain that you feel like people don’t like you, but it’s not something said just to be mean.

[ruminate88]

Being Real:

09/02/24 9:15 pm

it’s so crazy 🥴😳 always, always, always, I can’t get my ex andrew out of my head. I feel his energy and feel very tied to him 😝😝😝 HOWEVER, I see my other ex, Cody’s face legit every where!!!!!! Every guy in every ad or TikTok has his face. Out in public even…. GAAAAAH! It’s his eyes and smile. I see it. I always get the same reaction inside of me too. Just… wow. I can’t make it up. I realize Cody ghosting me, left me without a goodbye and I’ve been creating my own goodbyes but also I’ve felt this “open door” that I cant ever close no matter how I try because it’s already closed but yet its open… 😆😆😆 Ahhhhhh!!!

IM GOING CRAZY! Cody, what are ya doing to me?????? it’s torture and so haunting. I’m legit left haunted by his ghost. I haven’t even dreamt of him in over a month!! But seeing his eyes everywhere. It’s like he’s watching me and I’m paranoid. I have a horrible time letting go. Accepting my current life. As crazy as I feel, I’ve almost gotten comfortable in the insanity and I am afraid of the next phase in life but I also know if I don’t heal, my hair won’t grow back and my digestive won’t get better 😭😭😭

I’m working sssooooo hard to behave on my diet and exercise and self care. Continuing no contact to prioritize my well-being and yet I think Cody and Andrew ARE both always there I feel Andrew’s energy 24/7 and feel he's forever a part of me and I’ve worked so hard not to be cold like him. I’ve tried to stay soft and caring. I do care if I hurt people but then there is moments I just want to be alone and push people away 😭😭😭 I MAKE myself call my mom so I don’t lose my warmth. (But sometimes I feel annoyed talking to ppl I know I love. Ugh!)

Lately instead of fighting against it all so hard and beating myself up, I told myself to find space for them separately in my mind and heart, then sort out my feelings for them.

Getting married so fast to someone else after blocking Andrew’s number, has been both good and bad!! Good becuase it got me away from Andrew and it has kept me from unblocking his number out of respect for my marriage BUT bad because I wasn’t even over Andrew, nor did I understand what happened to me or process my feelings for Andrew. Then I can’t stop ruminating but never even heard of “ruminate” just knew I couldn’t stop thinking of Andrew and feel like a terrible wife until I learned what emotional abusive was!! Then, I feel bad all around and yet I have so much clarity too.

I’ve beat myself and tried to help take the blame becuase I feel sorry for my exes but then I get tired trying to carry burdens that I’m not supposed to carry. Plus carrying all the shame!!! Trying to have more compassion for myself and say it’s not my fault. Yeah, I chose to be dirty with my exes but they chose to turn it abusive. I didn’t ask for that and I didn’t even know it was happening. I was completely in the dark so blind to the truth. I always felt they were toxic men but I didn’t even understand what that meant. Took me years to find answers and I still find myself in a trail of smoke my exes left behind.

Worst of all, I still feel love for them and sorry for them ❤️‍🩹🥴 I tell myself to stay in the truth, that I can’t ever trust them again and convince myself to stay no contact even when I feel this magnetic pull drawing me back to Andrew. Being married is keeping me moving on but a part of me constantly fights not to run back and idk why. Not sure what is so great about Andrew when clearly he hated my guts all along. No one that “loves me” will abuse me like he did. Yet, I’ve wanted to forgive him too and hug him. Legit it’s in my bones and I crave it like sugar. Ahhh I go totally insane but I tell myself to protect myself and stay away ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Convincing myself I am healing and going to be ok 👍🏻

I’m trusting and believing that all this struggling is going to turn around in a positive way some day soon AND my love wasn’t wasted ❤️‍🩹 I loved both Cody and Andrew more than they’ll ever understand. It’s always the first thing on my mind waking up and going to bed. I can’t escape them…

[moo-nstone]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS [part 5]

— people with jupiter in the 8th may experience an “abundance” of traumatic experiences throughout life, often relating to death; these are the people who truly feel like everyone they love ends up dying. at their worst, they can become desensitized to death— jupiter is ruled by sagittarius, a sign known for being in denial when in difficult situations in favor of optimism. these natives can pretend like nothing actually happened, or minimize the situation in their head so that they don’t have to face it.

— okay this might be a weird one... like, you know in asoiaf when arya was walking through the streets and was always like “i’m as quiet as a shadow”? that’s literally the energy of someone with planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house. these people are so stealthy. they’re able to move so quietly and without anyone noticing, both literally and figuratively. on one hand, they’re very quiet about their plans and ambitions to the point where other people only find out when they’re achieving success over it; on the other hand, they just. don’t like making noise while walking idk bitch you’ll only see me coming when i’m right beside you, i even get paranoid that i’m breathing too loud and that other people will hear 

— people with moon aspecting mars can be incredibly impulsive when they feel hurt or triggered. yall need to be careful with doing things in the heat of the moment that you know you’ll regret later... but in the moment, you feel so hurt that it clouds your rational side. please be more self-aware about this because you may make decisions that will directly affect you for the worse in the future 

— people with leo mars ft. constantly asking you for pictures... about anything. they just wanna SEE LMFAO THEY DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS THEY’RE SEEING. you just got ready to go out? “send pics of your makeup and your full outfit”. you’re waiting in a long boring line to get the covid vaccine? “send pics of the line”. your mom baked cake? “send pics of the cake”. plus they send so many random pictures while texting, it’s their special love language

— having moon conjunct moon/venus in synastry feels insane. you tell them something you’ve been through, and they’re immediately like “that happened with me as well.” it doesn’t even have to be something grand, sometimes just very specific things you thought were particular about you. the amount of understanding that comes with this aspect in synastry can feel very new and intense especially if you’re used to seeing yourself as the “odd one out”, used to feeling isolated in your experiences 

— people with pluto in the 1st house often feel the need to erase “traces” of their existence, for example deleting messages that they sent people, deleting all of their social media posts. they can feel anxious and paranoid about other people having access to their past self, even if the past self in question is from, like. a week ago 

— people with chiron in the water houses (4th/8th/12th) might’ve suffered bullying to the point where they repress their memories. a lot of their memories of their school years may feel foggy if they were bullied in those years

— also. people with chiron in the 8th house may feel as though they’ve been punished for wanting to experience intimacy. it’s like, the people who were supposed to be the closest to them – for example, their sibling or something – were the ones who hurt them the most. 

— people with mercury-neptune aspects and strong pisces/neptune energy in their birth chart might struggle with only remembering things when they’re right in front of them. you should keep things in your peripheral vision to remind you of reality, especially when it comes to feelings— so that you won’t start getting lost inside your own head. like... keep the letters your friends wrote you by your bedside table so you can read them every time your brain starts convincing you that you’re not loved. keep the gifts you’ve been sent on display in your bedroom wall, or sentimental material things that remind you of past happy experiences.

— earth placements and their thing for asmr... omfg. it’s like they’re always looking for things to up their sensory experience/sensitivity. like, earth signs are the ones most connected to worldly experiences so they feel so soothed with the whole asmr experience: just hearing someone gently whispering or tapping on/scratching things calms them down and helps them fall asleep. they love the tingles it’s heaven for them

— moon-saturn aspects might hold and caress themselves while they sleep because their parents never did. yes i woke up and chose violence <3 your secret is NOT safe with me 💋

— while we’re on the topic of sleeping, a majority of the pisces moons i know need to sleep while hugging something, at least a pillow. they can’t just not hug something while they sleep, it’s very instinctive for them. anyways if any pisces moon needs a pillow to hold, i volunteer as tribute 💋

— virgo placements feel sososo soothed by hearing their cats purr. thinking about how my virgo placement friends are always the ones who send me videos of them petting their cats... and then i get soothed by how soothed they feel. it’s a win win situation, if you have virgo placements it’s hereby your duty to send me a video of you petting your cat while they purr. right now. GO

— people with gemini in the 3rd house might have shaky movements of the hands when other people look at them doing things. very specific i know but the third house rules hands and gemini is a sign that has somewhat of an anxious, twitchy quality to it. on the other hand, people with capricorn in the 3rd house (scorpio risings, using whole signs) have the steadiest hands i’ve ever seen lol their movements ooze confidence, these bitches know how to make you feel as thought they know exactly what they’re doing

— people with venus in the 1st house ft. altering their pics with photoshop and hating posting selfies without filters because they never feel like their appearance is good enough. stop it. you don’t need to always look your best and especially not if your ‘best’ isn’t even what you actually look like. also... don’t even think about making self-deprecative jokes about your appearance. next time i find one of yall saying “ahaha im not bad for a 5 without talent” i’m squishing your head between 2 pieces of toast and calling you an idiot sandwich. you’re BEAUTIFUL 

— having venus in the 3rd house in composite with someone? do you mean calling each other the absolute ugliest nicknames in the most endearing way? 

— leo deals with themes of the ego, and it seems that leo placements often struggle with attracting narcissistic people into their life... leo suns/mercuries can be raised by loud, overbearing, narcissistic parents who see their kid as an extension of themselves and who teach the kid to always be very supportive and caring towards them or else they’ll deny them of words of affirmation-- either by insulting them to shatter their self-esteem or simply never complimenting the kid back. leo moons/mars/venus tend to attract narcissistic partners who only care about serving their own emotional needs and ignore the ones of their partner, and who feed off of their supportive and giving nature. which is why leo placements really need to watch out for being gullible, naïve and dismissing the red flags because my god, you be falling for some shady people. 

— people with personal planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house might feel like they can’t let go of their past life— they may dream of memories, people or places from another life. it’s like they can’t detach from it, and even if they can’t directly remember their past life, it’s like they feel it in their bones. also, they might’ve felt... estranged from their family ever since childhood; there may have been feelings of being unable to emotionally connect to their (often, distant) parents, and they might’ve even wondered if they were adopted because of how different they felt to the rest of the family. 

— okay so, a thing that people with saturn in the 3rd house need to look out for is mentally checking out of conversations while they’re still happening. these people can detect when they’re being manipulated really fast and their way of dealing with it can be to immediately shut down, to grow cold and silent and not even bother answering when you’re expected to respond. and, like, that’s great when someone starts screaming at you or being insulting/trying to coerce you into shit, but take notice if you find yourself shutting your loved ones out as soon as they say anything that triggers you. don’t simply detach from them, communicate what’s wrong

— aries placements, ESPECIALLY aries suns and moons, value generosity so much and they get so turned off by stingy ppl who don’t share with others, especially when others need it. like.. if you’re hanging out in a group with them and someone asks for a bite of your food because they have no money and you say no... espect them to never respect you. ever. 

— people with libra placements use soooo many adjectives to describe things. something can’t just be beautiful, it has to be DIVINE and CELESTIAL and INTOXICATING. they can be so expressive god it’s so fcking funny 

— capricorn placements HATE asking others for advice because they think no one knows better than them (and they’re not wrong, lol). when they truly care for someone, they might ask the person for advice simply as a sign that they respect, trust and value their judgement. even if they don’t plan on taking it LMFAO 

— people with mars in a water sign can have this terrible habit of expecting other people to guess what they want. and then they get passive agressive when you don’t instinctively feel what it is they want... and when you ask them “do you want this?”, they go like “FINALLY. i thought you’d never get there”. stop it. i know that you want people to understand you in a way that transcends words, but you can’t expect people to read your mind and then get disappointed when they don’t, thinking “oh if they loved me that much then they would’ve known that i really want chipotle for dinner :(” GIRL WHAT. COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS  

[anonymouslyspectacting]

This is going to be done by audio speaker to text. Today, today has been a mixture of a bunch of things, rough, good, happy, depressed, anxious, nervous. All of the above to stuff that I like and dislike or whatever I guess. I guess I may say how today was, so today was good, my gf left to go to home to get ready for work @6:30 then I went back to bed after telling her I loved her, I woke up officially around 9:30-10:26ish I think, then I got a burrito and ate that for breakfast (it was really really bad, my dad tries his best to cook but sometimes his meals aren’t very goob). Then I waited for my friend and I played overwatch for the first time ever w/her and I had a lot of fun! Then I started to try to get into the groove w/playing Minecraft which didn’t really work too well sadly which made me nervous/kinda down and I was kind of going through a downward spiral which sucked, but then I started watching yt videos and that kinda blew the time away. After that I went bowling kinda w/my brothers and dad and I felt very overwhelmed because there were a lot of ppl there and it was very noisy and it was a super duper noise overload which just made me uncomfortable and paranoid that people may have been judging me or whatever. I just mainly listened to music when I was there on Spotify, but that didn’t really help too much, so I was kinda just stuck there not able to do anything :/, then after that we went home, I downloaded some more games on my 2ds and finally organized everything into folders, and ate 2 peanut butter sandwiches. I do need to drink water so I’ll probably get some after this post. I called my gf to say goodnight which was nice, but I wanted to talk to her abt this but I don’t wanna wake her up and bother her with how I’m feeling right now. There’s a lot of other things going on also, like how my mom’s ex boyfriend is and has been very very scary and how he has made her feel very unsafe and uncomfortable when she found out he was an alcoholic which isn’t good. And I feel like I’m not ever going to be a good enough son for my dad, because we just never get along at all and it really really sucks, and my brothers hardly ever talk to me, like ik my 15y/o brother isn’t because he’s going through 9th grade and he’s always talking to his friends or is in his room on his computer or is watching a tv show for the hundredth time and never wants to hangout w/me and I understand that, but me now being in college just makes me feel like I don’t belong in this family I’m in. Ik that seems scummy or whatever, but that is just how I feel rn. And my youngest brother bless his heart, has adhd and autism like I do, but he hasn’t ever been given consequences or anything if he did something wrong, plus he’s an iPad child and gets whatever he wants pretty much. And it’s like, it’s sucks cause he never even wants to talk to me :/. My other younger brother who is almost 10, is scared of his dad and his dad is trying to get complete custody of him so my mom can’t see him anymore. He didn’t even get a Christmas tree for them to decorate. I’m hoping to get him something really nice and special this year. Okay okay, I’m sorry this has been long, it’s just how I feel rn and how I’ve been feeling for the past few days. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and a happy Xmas :p Gn ppl

[tridaxpod]

i'm sleep deprived + spiraling a lil so this probably won't be nearly coherent as the version i've been writing up in my head But i've been thinking a lot abt some stuff greg has said about krika. if you know me you know that I treat bionicle canon very paradoxically, specifically when it comes to the different mediums its been adapted to and sources ppl have gotten information from; basically i treat the movies and novels as concrete, everything else less so, which i'm aware makes my takes very biased and subjective but point is i've never really cared much at all about what greg says. his forum posts are incredibly loose and "watery" to me, neither here nor there, never really truly sticking in my brain and impacting how I view the series. i don't dwell on them too much,

all except for his take that krika never truly cared nor was remorseful, and that he was just a "survivalist."

when i see a Farshtey Forum Post™️ i don't vibe with, i just mark it up to "hey i disagree with this interpretation" and move on, because that's all they really are to me, just different interpretations. while authorial intent is deeply important and often key to analysis, at the end of the day an author can't make you read a story the exact way they intended. but that's just it, this take on krika as a character has germinated in my head for days and i don't just disagree with greg, i think he's flat out wrong about his own writing here.

i'm aware that's a super ballsy and kinda pretentious thing to say, i promise i'm normally not that obnoxiously pedantic or whatever. i respect greg, i recognize his original intentions as an author even if i often find my own takeaway to be different, but this one time i just don't think he realizes that what he meant to write doesn't at all lineup with what we got in the character.

let's go over the traits of a survivalist:

a survivalist is defined as:

a person who tries to ensure their own survival or that of their social or national group. "a paranoid survivalist bracing for Armageddon"

now if you see his actions in-line with the aspect of being focused on the survival of a group, you could potentially argue that this absolutely applies to krika, but greg worded his characterization in a much more self-serving way, so i'll be approaching this from that angle.

krika's actions, while passive and ever erring on the side of caution (to an unsustainable degree i'll add), could more often than not lead to his destruction; and ultimately they did just that.

was siding with teridax an act of self-preservation? absolutely, but one i'd argue is understandable somewhat. i will admit that greg hit the mark with claiming that krika knew nothing good would happen to him if he defied his more ambitious brothers, but you know what would also lead to nothing good teridax’s rule? sparing miserix.

okay, yeah, miserix wasn't free, nor was he at all in safe conditions, but he was still alive. something he very much was Not supposed to be once teridax took over. krika was tasked with killing their former leader, and instead chose to leave him in a limbo state of sorts, a form of captivity where he could be killed, but could also one day break free. there's no other way to swing this, the mutran chronicles state word for word that makuta who opposed teridax's reign were hunted down and had their masks mounted to the wall as "reminders" of why one should remain loyal to teridax only. there must have been a time in krika's life where they spent every day walking by that wall and seeing the faces of the fallen brothers and sisters staring back, the glaring hole where miserix's mask was supposed to be mounted, a glaring reminder of his own defiance. someone interested in their own survival wouldn't do that.

a survivalist also, in my humble opinion, would not have tried to convince gorast of all beings that the plan will get them all killed. a survivalist wouldn't have tried to talk to a toa. not one built up to be as cautious and passive as krika is. there's also his line about how he has put so much pain into the universe, and now wants to put a strain of mercy out there. you could read that as self-serving i guess, but i don't feel that at all with it, it feels much tighter narratively-speaking when viewed from a lens of remorse.

so, that's what i'm ranting about here yeah? that i think krika was meant to serve in the narrative as this remorseful demon archetype? well, while i am making this post to argue that he Does fit the sympathetic villain mold, there's another i wanted to raise as well: krika is a dark mirror of the three virtues.

him choosing to not kill miserix, but to also side with teridax anyways despite knowing full well the dangers, and to try and save the other makuta from their certain deaths? it's a malformed sense of unity, if you ask me. a brotherhood is a brotherhood, no matter how far they stray from the light, no matter how hard they fall, and i think krika knows that. which brings me to my next point; duty.

this is where this is arguably gonna get into more subjective and headcanon-y territory, but whatever it's My unmedicated brain day and i get to choose the ramblings. but anyways, greg says krika doesn't regret being a makuta, and i disagree with this only...somewhat. i wanna point out some notable dialogue real quick.

"Once I was alive like you: solid and whole, needing no one and nothing. I was Makuta Krika, my name whispered in legends throughout half the known universe"

also, i can't find it for the life of me, but i think we all know his line about how gali should have been a makuta. to me, these lines paint a sense of pride in the brotherhood, but...not the brotherhood as we know them, instead in the brotherhood of the past. krika states that he has lost far more than time or treasure than the other makuta; he's lost what he was, what he was apart of, a strong and powerful group of creators who held the very ecosystem in the palm of their hands. krika is, for all intents and purposes to me, a nostalgic and mournful being. a ghost of what was. but what does this have to do with duty?

same principle as unity, i think krika still views what him and his people used to be as something noble, and feels a sense of loyalty to that. "you're too clever to be a toa."

yes, he acknowledges the flaws they have, i.e "toa were what we could only pretend to be", but compared to the other villains in the series i don't think "wanting something in return" nescesarily mean evil. terribly flawed, but not outright vile.

tbh, the sense of unity and duty in his character to me heavily overlap, mainly -- again -- in his treatment of miserix and in wanting to save the others.

but what about destiny?

simply put, i think destiny is the very core of their character.

in my time in the bionicle fandom recently, i've seen more posts portraying destiny in the series as a very grim thing, something fatalistic and looming. now, that's a narrative i don't personally agree with at all, however i will relent that it does fit krika horribly well. i think krika was incapable of seeing themself as having a fate beyond the brotherhood, an existence beyond them. they are sited as appearing sorrowful, hoping against hope, apparently even holding a sense of resentment for his own element:

"Take to the shadows. They are, after all, the prisons we have made for ourselves."

but they were so miserably passive. doing nothing big to spark change and aiding in spreading that darkness. why? because he saw it as his "place." his role in the cosmic order of things is a makuta, a fate he must follow through no matter what crooked path it brings him down. he even seemed to be passive to the fact that he would surely die soon, hence his line about what a makuta leaves behind when they die. a regretful, but resigned existence. united in duty, bound in destiny.

You are already doomed -- and that is perhaps the one thing you and I have in common

which, i suppose you could say does make krika just as bad as his brothers and sister; complicity is just as bad as direct violence, i know that to be fact. but there's one thing krika did, at the very end of his rope, that means a thousand words to me: trying to reason with gorast.

it's only one action, but it could have been the start of many. it's only one choice, but it's still a choice as apposed to just rolling over, one made in a group where those who spoke out had been hunted down like animals for doing so in the past. it could have been something bigger.

but it wasn't.

back on my soapbox about ill-fated destiny, krika ultimately seemed to have one. think about it, he's cautious his whole life, to avoid ending up like all those dead makuta, and when he's finally not he gets struck down. it's a tragic narrative, but an impactful one. it's a brutal fate, but still a sign that change can exist. i know greg has said some weird shit about redemption, but that leads back to my point about his forum posts meaning very little to me. he can say redemption is unobtainable, but the text itself, at least to me, says otherwise.

but that leads to me one last point which is that, i frankly disagree with any notion that the makuta were always evil. they were far from perfect, once again we track back to krika's speech to tahu, but evil? no way. i can't see miserix as a villain or "survivalist" for example. and, to be frank, "always evil" has some shitty implications and is something this community should ignore. i do think the text itself manages to avoid the pitfalls of this trope as the makuta have always read more similarly like ring wraiths from LTOR or the sith in star wars, but if we’re going to lean more into them being a species with a culture in fanon, any chance to avoid these aforementioned pitfalls should be taken. bionicle is first and foremost a LEGO series, we're given instruction manuals but also encouraged to let our creativity run free and uninhibited. which is precisely why greg's commentary means so little to me in the first place, which is why i have this stance on krika as a character. the story of the bionicle is presented as a legend, and no two people tell a legend the same way.

waxing aside, at the end of the day, i guess the easiest way to put all of this would be that i see krika as a narrative foil, as a dark parallel. he's a commitment to a destiny that ended in punishment, he's a duty to a long-dead cause, and he's a unity that lead to the mass death of a whole species. he's both a cautionary tale and a tragedy, one specifically framed in the building blocks and values of the matoran universe. but also, a sign that once, there was a light where there is now shadow. and krika may not be perfect, or even good, but something deep down inside still was. where there is darkness, a light will always shine. where there is destruction, there is creation.

and that is precisely why i love them as a character so, so dearly, and why they have remained in my top 5 for years.

[trashyslashers]

Hello C: may i ask for a matchup with dbd survivors? Imma put the info here,

I use she/her pronouns and i’m bisexual.

I have long black hair with bangs, i’m 5’2, I’m very feminine, I tend to wear a girly style(like long skirts, cardigans, loafers, hairbands, jewelry, etc).

🫶🏼I am an ISFJ 9w1, I have an Aqua moon/sun and virgo rising, I am a true neutral, My love language is touch and quality time, I like to tease close friends, I have been described as shy,friendly, understanding, accepting, kind hearted, open minded, self sacrificing, and supportive, People have also said that i give out a very chill and comforting aura. Ppl tend to vent to me easily (which i don’t mind!!). Some of my flaws are that i have pretty bad trust issues, socially awkward yet social(it’s literally the worst), slow, paranoid, a bit sensitive, VERY snappy when mad and forgetful. Idk if it helps but here are some of my kins, Aimee Gibbs, Sayori, perfuma, Tanjiro Kamado, Lain, Rory gilmore, Nana komatsu, Mindy meeks, elle woods, rarity, Kaworu Nagisa, and Tahani Al Jamil!! :)

🫶🏼My hobbies are making outfits, reading, ceramics, journaling, and shopping. My interests are HORROR, perfumes, fashion, and psychology! Some facts about me is that I babysit! I major in psychology and plan to work in child development, and i would love to have a job as a florist as well! I LOVE music, like i literally can’t live with out it lol.

that’s it! sorry if i put too much info, i tend to go a bit overboard on these. thank you and have a nice day(remember to take breaks!!)<3

Claudette would be a good match for you!

Honestly? You remind me quite a bit of Claudette! Both of you are kind, sensitive, open-minded, and supportive, to name a few.

If you met in the Fog, she would really appreciate having someone with a calming, relaxing aura; while Claudette isn't as anxious as some of the other Survivors, she tends to be the one many go to for advice, remedies, etc. While I'm not saying she'd go to you like that, necessarily, having someone around who can help her relax is a very welcome change.

However, if you do lend an ear to her when she needs to vent, she'll appreciate it more than you may know. She is incredibly used to not really getting the chance to share what's on her mind, her troubles, or her anxieties as usually she doesn't have someone to do so with, or the time isn't appropriate. You providing her with a space (bonus points if you're very reassuring and supportive with words, too) means the world to her.

More than happy to indulge you in both of your love languages: while she's not huge on PDA, hand holding, head-on-shoulder relaxing, and the occasional head-in-lap nap are some of her favorite ways to touch and be close to you. Doesn't matter who's resting on who - she just loves being physical with you in such a tender manner, especially if you two have time to yourselves.

Claude is a very patient, understanding person. She understands that you have trust issues and tend to be anxious and a bit paranoid, and is more than willing to let you take your time to warm up to things. She has pretty thick skin, to a degree - while she can get a bit flustered if someone snaps at her or is particularly rude, it, more often than not, rolls right off her back, and this extends to you (especially if she knows you're struggling at the time).

Thinks your interest in regards to working in childcare is sweet, and loves that you like flowers enough to want to be a florist!

[silkgonerough]

Astro Observation/Rants #3 (includes moral support for ppl with harsh aspects between their big 3)

🍰UNDERRATED ASPECT COMBO: Mercury sextile venus + mars when I tell you the amount of crazy situations I’ve talked my way out of and the amount of free things I’ve talked my way into is simply ridiculous.. The mixture of both I think gives someone a rlly nice and sweet way of talking but with a certain tact and persuasion with how their saying it if that makes sense? Which equals a real charmer in words but also someone very skilled in how to get what they want through what their saying. If you have this as well start using it to your advantage trust me it works!!!

☹️Does anyone else who has Pluto or Saturn on or aspecting the ascendant in a harsh aspect have an intense self awareness that kind of keeps them from doing certain things bc it gets to much be too much or you get too paranoid over what others will think of you?

😪Being a Sagittarius but with Saturn as my dominant/elevated planet is really not what I signed up for... I thought I was getting my fun carefree casual storyline but Saturn said it’s the struggle for me. RIP to young me who only looked at cookbook astrology and rlly thought I was doing something...

🙃Ppl who have their sun or ascendant squaring your own ascendant usually have habits or just certain things they do that tend to annoy you or make you judgemental in how they present themselves to the world and others around them. My virgo rising squares my moms sagittarius sun and I can’t take her anywhere 😕

🥵Venus square mars is so hot yet such a disaster in synastry😭 like maybe it’s because I attract relationships that tend to be as messy as something out of a Netflix original but I’m always so attracted to guys who’s venus’ square my mars... and then they open their mouths😪

📚If you know someone with mercury in an aspect to saturn compliment their intellect, writting skills or just knowledge in general!! Ppl with this aspect tend to feel insecure with being considered “smart” even if they really are! Most ppl I’ve met are able to articulate their thoughts rlly well and are like walking dictionaries almost? They way they talk when explaining definitions or concepts is also lowkey hot🥵maybe that’s just my Virgo rising talking tho...

💖Sun in any aspect to venus but especially the conjunct/trine as an aspect between two people is the official hype man aspect!! The venus person hypes the hell out of the sun person and vice versa!! Probs the loyal fan who’s always in your comment section😘I love this aspect sm tho you just love the entire being of the other person! one of my fave celebrities has her venus conjunct my sun and I am deeply in love with her🤪

😩WHEN WILL THE UNIVERSE GIVE ME ANYTHING OTHER THEN A DAMN PISCES ARIES OR LIBRA MAN ITS GETTING OLD give me my Scorpio or Capricorn man😭🙏 (except dont bc all of hell will break loose and it’ll be me invigoratingly opening the gates)

🌗If you have your sun in a harsh aspect to your moon (square or opposite) your childhood was probably not the most fun in the home life and you probably understood the harsh reality of marriage or just unhealthy relationships in general from the parents :/ the whole sun/moon inner conflict was also probs pretty prevalent and caused social issues with peers at school.. honestly such a sad aspect to have as a child bc everything’s so hard and you don’t understand why bc you don’t rlly understand yourself yet :( but once you grow into it and figure out how to balance your emotions/moon to your overall personality/sun one can become the strength where the other is weak and it creates a sort of wondrous enigma of a person and ppl can become rlly entranced in your personality! It’s called layers bitch😜

🤫Scorpio/Pluto in the 3rd house (I have both🤗) could be someone who has a lot of secretive hobbies or interests that they don’t share with a lot of ppl but may have a secret social media accounts for them👀 not the type to tell ppl if they like someone but the ppl who are close to them will catch on or honestly figure out just by asking them straight up bc once confronted we get all embarrassed and you can see it on our faces super easily! We love our mysteries, plot twist or literally anything that requires digging deeper or making theories when reading or watching something. No surface level shit here🙅‍♀️

💸Mars in 2nd house may have a shopping addiction or may be bad at saving money. They usually binge shop and are the types that went to a grocery store for more untensils and came back with a waffle maker and a bunch of baking supplies😅 stingy if you eat their food without permission... the type to freak out if they left their fave shirt at their friends house after a sleepover lol, probs has a thing for food and sex together or sex in a really luxurious place with candles and rose petals.. it’s go big or I’m going tf home with them. Have furniture in ur home their not fucking in a god damn roller rink🤣

🌟People with Mercury in Aquarius/aspecting Uranus seem to really like talking about scientific theories or futuristic concepts!! All the ones I’ve known have had really grand ideas and seem to like anything related to the mystical but also seemingly holds a lot of innovative undertones! One of my friends who has Mercury in Aquarius aspecting Neptune/Uranus has a thing for the Disney short films which honestly is like a mix of neptune and uranus in its art forms! I’ve always thought it was cute how eager she is to show me them☺️

🌊From what I’ve observed an aspect that can make someone kind of bad at confrontation or like vocalizing their feelings until it’s too late and their bursting like a freaking geyser is Pisces mars. It doesn’t rlly take a lot to have them feeling some sort of way either with or without a valid reason (this is just an observation from the ones I’ve seen I don’t want to generalize!!) but the way they get angry is like a baby’s tempter tantrum and because I’m a Sagittarius I can always see thru the bullshit and I’m like is anyone else seeing this? I think overall besides Scorpio having a water mars signs is exceptionally hard so I cut them some slack but at what cost😫

🤤Mars conjunct Jupiter people are yummy. The men and women both are so hot and the men are always exuding big dick energy and usually thats what their giving👀

🌎All my big 3 create harsh aspects to one another (sun square moon, moon opposite ascendant, ascendant square sun) I honestly don’t know how I made it this far without literally exploding from tension but to anyone with these I guess my advice would be to refrain from taking things too personally bc it’s usually never that serious we’re just already a bit insecure in ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world! Your perception of how others view you vs how they actually do are usually very different in a good way but we tend to self sabotage ourselves into acting the way we think others want us to! I think having so many conflictive yet different sides of yourself creates a very influential character. It’s kind of like living in many completely different places throughout your life. The change is always hard and you don’t always feel secure but your experience and perception on things are really unique and you can offer other ppl a whole new perspective on who they are bc you yourself are always looking through the world through conflicting yet contrasting lenses.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.2

Also yes this is a 5 part story arc, why do you ask, no I’m not “avoiding real life work”

Main Chat

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING DRAGGED OUT OF BED AT AN UNGODLY HOUR FOR THE SAKE OF SOME JEWELRY AND FORCED INTO AN ADVENTURE

Wu Xie: And we are just so grateful you are above all that.

Zhang Qiling: You were fully awake and insisted we pack and go as soon as possible in case there was, and I quote, “more weird shit happening we can cash in on.”

Wu Xie: I mean it’s kind of interesting that the Zhang family sent a car for us. We could have driven. So what is going on there, I wonder?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW FOR A PARANOID AND CONNIVING LITTLE SHIT YOU STILL RADIATE OBLIVIOUS BAMBI ENERGY

HATE TO BE THE ADMIRAL ACKBAR HERE BUT ITS DEF A TRAP MY BOY

WHY DO U THINK WE ARE MESSAGING AND NOT TALKING DUMMY

WERE YOU IN A TOMB ON THE DAY THEY TAUGHT PPL STRANGER DANGER

BUT NO NO YOU WERE ALL “LETS GET IN THE VAN WITH THE FREE CANDY AND PUPPIES I BET WE’RE GOING TO THE CIRCUS”

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW IM LOJACKING YOU FOR REAL THIS TIME, SHOULDVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO

Zhang Qiling: I agree, in this particular case, with Pangzi. You should not have gotten in their vehicle while we were still inside the house. It forced us to follow you into the van to prevent separation, and they seemed to be expecting that. I don’t know whether Zhang Rishan intended this, but I don’t trust him.

Wu Xie: :( I got excited and didn’t think it through. I’m sorry.

Wang Pangzi: DONT YOU GIVE US THE BIG EYES WE ARE IMMUNE

MOSTLY

SPEAKING OF IMMUNE ITS REALLY FUCKIN COLD IN HERE AND UR STILL SICK, PUT YOUR JACKET ON STUPID

Wu Xie: oh relax, I’m fine. No fever at all today, remember? I feel a lot better, too.

Wang Pangzi: YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO HAVE XIAO GE INTERVENE

Zhang Qiling: It is odd to say this, but Pangzi is right again. You are barely back on your feet and could easily get worse again. Wu Xie. Jacket. Now.

Wu Xie: Oh fine. Teaming up on me, I see. Happy now?

Wang Pangzi: FUCKING ECSTATIC. NOW BACK TO HOW WE MAY BE PULLING A LI CU

Wu Xie: If it is an abduction, it wouldn’t be them moving against the whole Wu family—not with Uncle Erbai in charge. Zhang Rishan strikes me as someone who doesn’t make a move unless he is sure of his plan, and this is all a bit last-minute to be a big shift. Besides, they let Xiao Ge keep his sword and we still have all our phones.

Wang Pangzi: TOOK AWAY MY EXPLOSIVES THO THE BASTARDS

Zhang Qiling: In fairness, you were waving them around and yelling that if they tried anything it was going to be “yippeekiyay motherfucker all up in this bitch.”

Wang Pangzi: IT SOUNDS LESS COOL COMING FROM YOU. I THINK I SEE THE TEAHOUSE?

Wu Xie: me too. That’s Zhang Rishan on the steps. This must be urgent. Everybody stay shiny.

Zhang Qiling: I will be getting out first. Wu Xie in the middle, Pangzi at the rear.

Wang Pangzi: AND WHAT A VIEW;)

An hour later…

Main Chat

Wu Xie: Is everyone okay? I tried knocking but nothing is getting through, these are some solid walls.

Wu Xie: guys???

Wang Pangzi: OOPS PHONE WAS ON SILENT AND I WAS BUSY YELLING AT THE CEILING

IM PRESENT AND PISSED OFF

Zhang Qiling: Apologies, I was trying to break down the door.

Wang Pangzi: SO THIS MAY NOT BE THE TIME TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO BUT WHILE WE’RE HERE

Wu Xie: fuck Pangzi, I know, okay??

I’m an idiot, I’m so fucking stupid. It’s not like it’s the first or fiftieth time I’ve put you two in danger, either.

Wang Pangzi: HEY HEY WHOA NOW

STOP SAYING RUDE SHIT ABOUT MY FRIEND

ITS GONNA BE OKAY

DESPITE KNOWING THIS WAS A BAD IDEA I STILL COULDNT PREDICT HOW MUCH CHAOTIC LUCK THIS FAMILY HAS

DAMN IT I HATE WHEN HEI XIAZI IS RIGHT ABOUT THINGS

Zhang Qiling: I’m sorry. This is my fault. My line has a ruthlessly pragmatic streak and they’ve clearly wanted to test us separately to see why the necklace reacted to our arrival like that. It does not excuse Zhang Rishan trapping us in these separate rooms.

Wang Pangzi: UHH BITCH I SAID THIS FAMILY NOT YOUR FAMILY

THIS AINT ABOUT THEM

YOUR FAMILY IS ON MY SHIT LIST EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

THIS FAMILY MEANT US OBVS

UGH ANY SIGN OF THE BASTARDS?

Zhang Qiling: no. Wu Xie?

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie, answer me.

Wang Pangzi: WU XIE

TIANZHEN

PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE DAMNIT YOU'RE SCARING XIAOGE

Zhang Qiling: I’m going to try breaking down the door again.

Wu Xie: Hello, Wang Pangzi and Zhang Qiling. My apologies for the rather inhospitable circumstances, but this seemed expedient considering the unknown qualities of the necklace. I could not be sure who was causing what, or what could happen next, and thus have temporarily set you in separate rooms for the sake of everyone’s safety.

Wang Pangzi: WTF GIVE HIM BACK HIS FUCKIN PHONE ZHANG RISHAN I KNOW ITS YOU YOU PRETENTIOUS ANTIQUE

WE DESTROYED THIS PLACE BEFORE AND WE CAN DO IT AGAIN

Zhang Qiling: Your concerns for everyone’s safety are noted. Thank you for whatever you believe you’ve done right here.

Now. If you release us immediately and return Wu Xie to us, we will consider leaving without direct personal retribution.

Wang Pangzi: WHAT HE SAID AND ALSO YOU SUCK

Wu Xie: I regret that this has happened, I hope to make it up to you in the future. For the purpose of today’s needs, however—I will have my men escort the two of you out if you so desire, but unfortunately Wu Xie will need to stay until we have finished examining him.

Wang Pangzi: EXAMINING??? YOU FUCKING PERV HANDS OFF HE MAY BE THE BELLE OF THE BALL BUT HIS DANCE CARD IS SPOKEN FOR

I SWEAR I DID NOT GO THROUGH TEN YEARS OF THIS STARCROSSED CLUSTERFUCK FOR YOU TO SWOOP IN AND STEAL MY FRIENDS BF

Wu Xie: There is no call for rudeness. He will not be harmed. The artifact was responding to him directly. It has not lit up like this in over 200 years, and I need to understand why it is responding, and responding to someone who is not our kin, which it has never done before. This could have implications for everyone in my family if it could protect someone at the right moment.

Wang Pangzi: OKAY BUT CONSIDERING OUR TRACK RECORD IN THIS BUILDING AND THE SITUATION AT HAND Y’ALL ARE ABOUT TO NEED PROTECTION

Wu Xie: The testing would be going better if Wu Xie wasn’t worrying himself unnecessarily over where you both are, it’s making our readings difficult.

Wang Pangzi: OH GEE SO SORRY YOUR KIDNAPPING VICTIMS ARENT THRILLED TO BE HERE TO SAMPLE YOUR CREEPY JEWELRY BOX BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM

Zhang Qiling: Zhang Rishan. I appreciate that you must think of our family first in your decisions. As must I. I hope you can appreciate what that means for decisions I make.

Wang Pangzi: HEHEHE SO TRUE BESTIE

YOU PISSED OFF THE WRONG GOTH TODAY BUDDY BOY

Zhang Qiling: A compromise: we stay with him as you run your tests. That will calm him and assuage Pangzi’s concerns and prevent me from…testing the limits of your lifespan.

Wu Xie: I accept that this may temporarily impact our relations, but am hopeful that you will come to understand that sometimes I need to make certain choices for this family that are…difficult. I will come to let you—One moment. Something seems to be happening.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: OH SO WE ARE GONNA JUST POLITELY SIT WITH WU XIE AS STRANGERS POKE HIM WITH NEEDLES ARE WE HUH WELL LOOK WHOS BEING A HELPFUL LITTLE LAB ASSISTANT

Zhang Qiling: I’m attempting to convince him to let us out. Of course we will not simply sit there. Some lying to gain trust is necessary here.

Wang Pangzi: UR BEIN A SHADY BITCH XIAOGE AND ITS HOT

THATS WHY YOUR TATTOO IS SO BIG ITS FULL OF SECRETS

ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU TO��WAIT WHAT WAS THAT SOUND??

At the same time…

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Xie Yuchen: …so, this is not what I expected to find.

Hei Yangjing: yeah kiddo is a bit freaked out:/ this sucks. I mean I get that they are concerned blah blah blah necklace goes brightbright but maybe we should go find the other two

or at least find a way to let Wu Xie know we are here, that room he’s in looks like a dungeon and not in a good way

Xie Yuchen: Does it look like I’m able to do anything right now? Also, I’m fairly certain they won’t be harmed. Zhang Rishan may be callous, but he isn’t stupid.

Hei Yangjing: r u kidding

he split up Romeo and Juliet, then left Romeo with a sword—seems pretty stupid to me

Xie Yuchen: Yeah I’m not going near that. He made his bed with that choice. What can you see? These Neanderthal guards are blocking my view.

Hei Yangjing: uh so there’s like a lab table situation

Wu Xie isn’t tied up, a good sign in this context

I can’t see what those people are holding, they’re talking a lot and some asshole just grabbed Wu Xie’s arm, looks like maybe they are putting in an IV?

The necklace is—oh. Oh shit.

[yeocult]

ATEEZ as students studying

HONGJOONG:

king of self-care! but studies for 15 minutes then take a 2 hour break and calls it self-care (omg he thinks he’s me or smth)

has power naps every single day at least 30 mins because he’s Stressed

always thinking of ways to drop out during the middle of lectures

that one kid that talks to nobody & sits at the back of the class with his hood on to hide his airpods

doesn’t do it anymore bc one time it disconnected and “there’s some whores in this house” blasted out loud & now he’s paranoid

shows up to group studies but lets the group carry him,,, but he puts out One Really good idea to get his name on the paper

only cares about topics he’s interested in, other than that he’s just astral projecting

“yo can you send me your answers so i can compare mine?” but he copies it and says “we got the same answers” (all men do is lie</3)

calculates his marks; “ok so i need at least a 80 on this...oh wait no, a 95...damn okay...”

the type to arrives late with ice coffee

SEONGHWA:

wakes up at 5 am to study instead of staying up

scented candles and lofi music for the ~studying mood~

a linguistic learner

learns best by teaching others so he’ll do group studies often to help other people

teaches people without making them feel dumb

uses grammarly for his emails with 3 paragraphs asking 1 question with a proper greeting and a ‘sincerely, park seonghwa’

professor: ok - sent from iphone

you’ll never see him during exams week, he’s Gone

a loyal user of the outline method

his desk must be cleared at all times! a clean workspace makes it easier to focus

brings extra pencil just in case anyone needs them bc he’s the sweetest person ever (he’s fully aware that he’ll never get them back but it’s okay bc sharing is caring)

does his readings on time (you’ll never catch him slacking)

actually has his shit together for the most part 1/2

YUNHO:

writes “i love you” or “sorry” at the end of his tests (that he bombed)

the type to ask you to print “just one thing real quick” and it’s 15 page and at 2 am

uses emojis like :D & \(^o^)/ when sending emails to his professors

has a bad habit of copying word for word on the slide and he doesn’t actually understand/learn anything

goes to the library bc he thinks that’ll help him be in the ~studying vibe~

it doesn’t. ends up texting or watching youtube gameplay

has never heard of the colour-coding system in his entire life and ends up with a page filled with neon highlight

snacks breaks are the only thing keeping him Normal

leaves himself an encouraging note at the end of the reading page so when he’s finished he feels good !!

friends with all of the professors and uses all office hours

strongest points are his guessing skills in multiple-choice questions (process of elimination ftw!)

he tries his best, doesn’t care about marks that much because he knows it doesn’t determine him (and he’s right!)

YEOSANG:

probably runs a studyblr/gram

has the cutest note ever, his handwriting is so pretty!!

he thinks that buying an ipad pro & apple pencil will make him smarter

likes it bc he can doodle on it then erase them easily :”)

has to wear blue ray glasses because of how he looks at a screen so much

mildliners, muji 0.38 gel pen, 6 ring binder, minimal planner, washi tapes, you name it! he visits muji and daiso every other week

buys wayyy too many planners and notebooks which he never ends up using

only uses pastel mildliners because they’re easy on the eyes. cringes every time he sees yunho’s highlighters v_v

his flaw is that he spends 10 mins writing his header with brush tip pens

mutes the group project gc but gets his part done like the good classmate he is

sweats every time he gets an assignment back, takes a whole ten minute to mentally prepare himself

a visual learner; makes mind maps, flow charts, etc

actually has a working printer that he uses pretty often to prints lessons before class just to be Extra prepare

tells everyone he slept well but his bullet journal habit tracker for sleep says otherwise (plz rest!!)

exclusively uses college ruled paper like the sane person he is

SAN:

uses wide-ruled paper (unfortunately not everyone is perfect</3)

starts off very positive, motivated, and organized

then everything goes downhill by the second week

will definitely set byeol on top of his keyboard, take a picture, and send it to his professor as an ‘excuse’ as why he needs an extension (it works)

can’t sit still for any longer than 30 mins, his legs are always bouncing or fidgeting with pen

flashcard king! spends a lot of time on them but it’s worth it

a utensil chewer (always willing to share his pencil but when ppl saw the bite marks they’re like No Thanks >_>)

can’t study well with groups or himself bc he’ll be distracted,,, so he needs one person that can ground him bc when they’re in the zone, he will too be on his x game mode

sends his assignment at 11:58 pm hoping his professor will take the Hint (plz don’t be afraid to ask for help u_u)

prefers listening to ghibli studio soundtracks but then he either gets emotional or sleepy

sometimes forget to mute his mic and we just hear him groaning in frustration

“haha sorry i just stubbed my toe...”

then mutes his mic and goes back to his mental breakdown

MINGI:

the only person that studies every single day just to get his brain used to the information and running

probably listens to anime op or edm music for that Energy Boost

everyone either hates or love him because...

1. loves him bc he always comes clutched with study guides (and willing to share if he likes you enough)

2. he’s good at everything even if he’s not paying attention/doing it last minute

just naturally good at retaining information and applying them

asks Big Brain question that even the professors are shook

sometimes he gets super into the topic and wants to know Everything

“i’ve never failed an exam in my life” and he’s right! big brain mingi

fetal flaw is that he forgets easily (hence why the last minute) and has to write on his palm as a reminder

clicks his pens All the time so he switched to pens with caps just to keep others from jumping him

takes naps 10 mins before classes

actually has his shit together for the post part 2/2

“if no one got me, i know khan academy and quizlet got me. can i get an amen”

WOOYOUNG:

y’all know that one mf that doesn’t have a pencil?

yea he’s been using the same one someone lend to him before a test and never returned it

it’s been two months and it’s still working well and they’re never going to get it back

a minimalist,,,, but in a bad way</3 bc he carries his stolen pencil and paper that he spilled his energy drink over and that’s about it

just throw loose papers in his bag and forgets about their existence

doesn’t do binders or notebooks, just crumbled up paper

sometimes carries a textbook just to show everyone that he’s got his life together

really noisy for No reason, always wants to know other’s marks

a kinesthetic learner

hides his screen with he gets the kahoot questions wrong (you’ll never catch him slippin)

plays coolmathgames.com during class

doesn’t really know what to study/prioritize so he overwhelms himself with every single topic ever

thinks he’s god by pulling an all-nighter to look at the 60+ slides last minute

Swears he’ll change and do better next semester,,,</3

goes to the cafe, takes pictures of his notes & laptop, post it on his story, then leaves

JONGHO:

thrives off of red bull and ice americanos

gets notes and study guides from his upperclassmen because everyone loves jongho

an audio learner so he’ll probably work out or go on a jog while listening to lessons/audiobook

never pulls all-nighters bc it messes up his sleep schedule and says he’ll do it in the morning but he never does

doesn’t even own a highlighter, he’ll circle or underline stuff with a red or black pen

has never touched a textbook in his life

only the study guides and slides, his textbook is collecting dust rn

his notes are literally Only for him because his handwriting only makes sense to him

has questionable handwriting,,, it’s like decoding

multitasks a lot but it ends up taking a lot longer than he wanted to (bc it’s a myth)

very spontaneous; he’ll grind for 5 hours straight but sometimes he won’t even touch a pencil

works best when he talks about the work in groups and share information with each other, like having a convo about the topic

unmutes his mic Once after the lesson to say “bye”

does his work right after the lessons but then takes a short break & doesn’t even Look back for the rest of the night

-

a/n: tag yourself ! i’m a bit of hohong (i projected myself on all of them in some way lmaooo)

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[papers4me]

Regarding Shigure & Akito. I think their romance is sizzling hot!. They're my favorite couple because of how much they love each other & deeply understand each other. Let's be honest, Akito deserved Shigure punishment because of what she did to the zodiacs & for sleeping with kureno. Sadly not a lot of people understand that Shigure needed to treat her like that for her to finally let go of the zodiac & be with him.

Hi anon! If you you like Shigure/ Akito couple & think it’s hot or believe in their love, then, that’s totally fine. You can love whatever you want in fiction & you don’t need to justify the reasons or even care what others think or what they’re missing. So, don’t be sad abt that<3. Life is tough as is, we don’t need to add extra sadness from fiction/fandom worlds.

Thank you for telling me your perspective of Shigure/ Akito. I’ll tell you mine! Mind you, I didn’t read the manga & only know what ep, 2 showed so far. I think Shigure/ akito is the most toxic couple in the story so far. That is fine for me cuz I appreciate drama & toxicity in fiction as it makes for compelling stories. We wouldn’t read furuba if all is happy & great. Even the younger couples: kyo/ tohru has drama from kyoko’s past, Yuki/Machi will have their own type of drama. I believe the trailer showed yuki afraid to confess the curse to Machi.

I disagree with you in few things:

1. “Akito deserved Shigure punishment because of what she did to the zodiacs & for sleeping with kureno”: I don’t think Akito deserve what Shigure did at all. (a) Akito deserves punishment for how she abused the zodiacs. But it should be a punishment related to her deed & with the realization that it is because she hurt those kids. Shigure sleeping with Ren is NOT related to her abuse of the zodiac kids & shigure himself didn’t do it in the first place to teach her a lesson abt abusing others! He did it to spite her & to teach her a lesson for not being faithful to him. It is all abt HIM. He is possessive of her. Shigure is NOT nice. He, himself stated that he’s mean, a jerk & a horrible person quite a number of times throughout se01 & se02. (b) The punishment itself is so absurd & toxic. Sleeping with her mom. The woman who adult Akito becomes so weak she burst into tears like a baby, & loose all sanity in front of her. Shigure’s “ punishment”  added fuel to fire! Thanks to that Akito really learned that women with sexy charms are toxic. Thus, she hated Isuze!! Who have the same natural sexual attractiveness as Ren. Tohru is feminine but not overly sexy, Akito allowed tohru to stay thinking meh~ such an “ugly woman”  is weak. But NO. tohru “stole” the zodiacs again! but not with her body/ but her personality. Akito is baffled. Moreover Shigure’s “ punishment”  caused Akito to become even more paranoid & cling even more. I’m not saying Akito is without blame in her relationship with Kureno & shigure, I’m just saying you can’t compare passive Kureno, who still calls shigure “ Nisan” & begs him to love Akito to REN the destructive mother.

2. “Shigure needed to treat her like that for her to finally let go of the zodiac & be with him”. No. He didn’t need to. If tohru didn’t stumble upon his house by sheer coincidence & being the person she is formed healthy relationships with all the zodiacs, Shigure’s punishment wouldn’t lead to anything. He himself was shocked she “ still” remembers it. For him, it was a momentarily fury, a need to get back to her & is done. cuz he loves her so he won’t remember his own betrayal. Forgetting that she “still” remembers. Or wait! she remembers cuz she loves him? either way. toxic.

I’ll understand Shigure/ akito better when more is revealed. But it is true that he “ traumatized” her by sleeping with her own mom! EW! still, they’ll end up as a lovey dovey couple at the end as the ED shows. So, they’ll work their issues somehow. I don’t hate Shigure or akito. To me they’re fascinating characters in an interesting story. Not real ppl. So, I don’t feel the need to correct their sins for me to like them nor I feel the need to fix them. I don’t feel guilty for liking toxic characters cuz its fiction & no real person is harmed. Still, I can get disgusted by their sins. Akito abusing the zodiacs is disgusting. Shigure sleeping with Ren of all ppl is disgusting. 

I want to say more abt Akito’s “love” for shigure, but I’ll wait for more proof that she really thought of him romantically as a teen at least! Right now, All I have from her perspective is the “ red flower promise” & the jealousy over him. she was jealous over others as well.  I suspect that’s zodiac magic bound them both initially at that young age. He grew up to really love her. Her: I haven’t seen much yet from a slightly older Akito. I’m sure more to come. Let’s wait & see.

Thank you for sharing your opinion & perspective. Hope you don’t take my response as mocking you or belittling you. It’s just different perspective, that’s all~ Who know, It might change at the end of furuba!