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fumifooms · 5 months ago

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Don't really reblog or leave comments all that often, but I've been reading your Delicious in Dungeon deep analysis posts for a few days now and honestly I can't wait for that Kabru (& Mickbell) party rundown. They're a fine set of adventurers, if in dire need of people more capable of handling monsters.

Speaking of Mickbell's relationship with Kuro in particular – I think it does generally tend to be perceived from Mickbell's side, whether positively or negatively (which makes sense to some degree, since Kuro's perspective wasn't presented in full until the World Guide), as if Kuro isn't himself a maladjusted adult who spent an unspecified amount of time starving in a cage, his family situation unclear beyond "permanently out of contact", and is yet as overprotective of Mick as Mick is of him. I do recall a panel where he furrows his brows at the sight of Mick sitting on Inutade's shoulders, but other than that he is less aggressively isolating and self-insistent and more... coddling, I'd say, or overtly abiding. Kabru should have found Mickbell some books on kobold language tbh.

This is not intended as a criticism of the earlier webweaving post so I apologize if it does have shades of passive-aggressiveness – it's an incredibly on-point assessment of Mickbell's relationship with Kuro and his reasoning. Thank goodness Mickbell isn't a master magician, or else he'd make for a rather tasty dungeon lord (and Kuro would probably end up in a cage again, if not worse).

[context: ask sent on april 14th, soon after I posted my Canines web weaving]

Don’t worry, I loved getting your ask and didn’t read in any hostility! I didn’t want to reply before finishing my party masterpost-analysis (🤡 man it’s been too many months) but Kuro fans are begging for scraps and clamoring for Kuro meta and content everywhere I look including my askbox and man. Man yeah I should throw a bone you guys’ way at least in the meantime. The thing though you see is, one does not simply talk about Kuro without trying to cover every ground and every single piece of info we get. I’ll end up repeating myself a lot on this in my longer upcoming post but that’s just how analysis tends to be, so flash Kuro segment focusing on the Mickbell-Kuro dynamic

In a way I talk less about Kuro because compared to Mickbell his situation feels more straightforward to me somehow, the abused is usually the one who gets empathized with and liked more over the abuser so I don’t feel the same need to explore and explain. But… Kuro is not only generally hard to read but has so many layers. Kuro is both a self-effacing follower who’s communicative but polite & behaved and somewhat stoic, making it hard to gauge how much he’s voicing himself or even repressing, and functionally devoid of the ability to speak most of the time. He emotes in doglike ways but mostly because, lacking words universal body langue and cues like growling are the only way he can emote and communicate, not unlike how tone of voice is what’s important when talking to say, a pet dog. Kuro’s extra where he talks with Kabru is truly the Kuro bible, without it we’d have a much kess clear vision of how he lives his situation with Mickbell. And… It’s whiplash inducing and disconcerting when we see then that Kuro has everything rationalized, that Mickbell is still an angel in his mind and this is normal, just a guy who’s a little insecure that he must bend every which way for if needed.

Mickbell & Kuro’s relationship is fascinating because they each have a totally different view of the relationship. Mickbell thinks he holds the reigns, he’s the employer, the master, he’s manipulating Kuro consciously to some degree and withholds things like salary or permission to talk with others from him, and he thinks this is how he gets Kuro to not leave him. Kuro has seen through the matrix and pinpointed Mickbell’s insecurities and has decided he must do everything in his power to never make him anxious or upset and be his emotional support, EXCEPT that hilariously he seems to genuinely think Mickbell is a kid. He’s 22. Like, tallman equivalent of 27. Kuro is 18. Kuro has chosen to stay consciously and keeps choosing to stay because he wants to, because he’s chosen to devote himself to Mickbell’s wellbeing. In Kuro’s eyes, before being employer and employee, Kuro is the guardian and protector of this sensitive kid that he must follow and protect at all costs. What everyone is seeing as wage slavery doesn’t even register to Kuro because he’s never really thinking about the money, he dgaf. Kuro could choose to snap Mickbell in half with his jaw at any second and is more emotionally mature than Mickbell, but otherwise the power imbalance both financially and manipulation wise and using whatever he can to keep Kuro where he wants him is 100% tipping the scale towards Mickbell.

The amount of miscommunication they have for being each other’s most important person + person they spend most time with is insane, but tbh I think part of it is that Mickbell is terrified of what would happen when Kuro becomes fluent in common. Not only because Kuro would have the whole world of opportunities open up to him then (and in Mickbell’s mind, who would pick him over the world?), but because then the relationship would inevitably shift, Mickbell would lose some of that power imbalance, he would have to do more listening and both of them would have to learn to know each other better, and rectify wrong assumptions. It’d remind Mickbell that Kuro is truly his own person with a lot of thoughts and it’d make him feel less safe in being able to keep the relationship secure…

This all is why I’m less into mickuro in general, because unless Kuro puts his foot down one day for both their sakes, the status quo would just… Keep going, on and on. Canon supports this too, since Kuro’s profile in the complete adventurer’s bible in the post-canon blurb mentions very pointedly he’s still being worked for peanuts by Mickbell. Kuro being able to speak fully would make it a bit healthier I think like I talked, but Kuro would still be complacent to Mickbell’s unhealthy obsessive needs and man… Man……. Mickbell feels safe only when taking and Kuro wants nothing more than to give, if that makes sense, and that might be a shaky decent enough way to live for them but it also is far from healthy the way it is. I also don’t think getting that house he wants would fix Mickbell. Could even be a huge breakoff point if Kuro mentions his dreams is travelling around.

So yes I definitely agree with your assessment of Kuro being coddling and overly abiding. Both of them are very protective of each other like you said, the difference being that Kuro is selfless and even self-sacrificing with it meanwhile Mickbell is more selfish and possessive. (Although his overcontrolling nature does to some degree come from a protective place. Which would especially if he sees Kuro as helpless because of his language barrier or the way they met. But moments that go towards this is him being worried for Kuro after the chimera fight, after being stung by an aquatic monster in a monster tidbit, Mickbell often mentioning being worried the union or Kabru will steal Kuro away in a borderline trafficking undertone. Beyond just the care he shows him on the regular like washing and brushing him for hours ofc. Mickbell is not uncaring, his worrying and insecurities just bring his worst instincts out of him. Ehem Mickbell tangent over, my apologies.)

I know Kuro also being possessive is a common reading, but I don’t think I really agree 🤔 The support for this is the way he frowns at Mickbell being on Inutade’s shoulders, but I think that and the other hostile over Mickbell behavior he shows fall more in live with being protective. From Kuro’s perspective, Mickbell (the kid who must be protected who might fall and break his neck at any moment or something) is now on the shoulders of this very tall stranger he just witnessed pull off a sneak attack Laios’ party with ease, not something considered particularly honorable or trustworthy, and now she’s handling Kuro’s most precious thing in the world? Yeah better watch them like a hawk. Also remember, this is on top of his language barrier meaning he hasn’t had the same opportunity as others to converse with them and understand what they’ve been saying and thus form bonds outside of "my party trusts you for now so I’ll follow their lead." He also explicitely distrusts Izutsumi. I’ll also say though, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say Kuro doesn’t know what to do with himself when he’s not looking after Mickbell, there’s the secret studies sure, but his whole life is always centered on him otherwise, so I can definitely imagine this being out of a restless feeling as well, though if that qualifies as possessiveness depends on the behavior it causes imo.

Other times where he growls or such is also defensive in nature. If anything, Kuro unlike Mickbell with him seems very alright with Mickbell making friends with the party and forming relationships outside of him. This does go in line with his "Mickbell is just a sensitive young lad I must do my best to protect until he feels safer and better, I want him to be happy and healthy" mentality. Near the end, we even see Kuro encouraging Mickbell to go towards other half-foots and implicitly join the half-foot union, the very same that Mickbell has told him would take Kuro away from Mickbell. So if it’s for Mickbell’s sake, even if Kuro might feel afraid of change or losing him to some degree (I don’t think he feels threatened bc he doesn’t think Mick would leave him), Kuro is even willing to endanger his situation/relationship/status quo with Mickbell.

Kuro is peak guardian angel……… 🥺😭

You’re also right Kuro is very maladjusted, with his past it feels very unsurprising Kuro would end up like this. Having a language barrier alone is extremely isolating: not being able to really communicate with others is his default with or without Mickbell, so it isn’t innately alarming or anormal to him, even when someone actively tries to make it harder for him. This is of course without mentioning the experience of being taken away from your homeland suddenly, and brougth against your will to a country you know nothing of and have no resources or knowledge to live in. Who knows how long he’s been in a cage— and as we see the living conditions were awful, similar to Izutsumi’s when she was part of a freak show. He was visibly starved and food was all the payment he could have wished for and that + following this guy who got him out of his chains were all the motivations he needed. And this makes sense for the overprotectiveness on both ends, Mickbell is all too aware of how particularly vulnerable kobolds are as targets and Kuro’s second interaction was mauling a guy who was trying to hurt Mickbell. Mickbell did "hire" Kuro as a bodyguard first and foremost, after all. Mickbell was scared of Kuro at first, echoing how he reminds Kuro during canon that his snarling is scary and not to do it. Even at first, the professional aspect to their relationship is a very shaky facade, it’s always been more like mutual aid that evolved into life partnership. Kuro was used to being alone, Kuro was used to having nothing and being starved and beaten, Kuro was used to having everyone dismiss him as a beast that’s not worth even trying to talk to, so of course Mickbell seems heavensent.

Man. The fandom has been so scary esp with the anime wave, Mickbell discourse is something I never expected would be so divisive 😭 Sometimes I hear things about Kuro like "he’s too smart to be abused" which is not only as a broad statement untrue but also harmful and vile. Abuse is complicated!!! You are bending over backwards to justify literal Mother Gothel behavior!!! No one is telling you you can’t sob over Mickbell and want mickbell & kuro fluff oh my god let’s just not normalize well known abuse tactics such as isolating them and controlling their finances and social circle.

Ok fun last ending note, it’s also interesting to note their dreams for the future and directly contridactory. When they have some money saved up, Mickbell wants to settle down with a house with Kuro, and Kuro wants to travel the world with Mickbell. Ohh to be a guy who’s been denied ressources all your life and has lived in constant danger who now wants nothing more than to have the ideal of a stable peaceful life, vs being a guy who’s been kidnapped and traded around and denied your freedom for so long who wants to see the world you’ve always been kept away from…. They’re each other’s world but they’re not a place they can live in, not sustainably not while thriving…….

Ahh, mickuro, mickuro, the ouroboros of codependence…

#OOOOH KURO MY KURO MICKBELL MY MICKBELL…..#Kuro #kuro dungeon meshi #yodan dungeon meshi #Mickbell tomas #mickuro #analysis #Dungeon meshi #spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #Ask #Am i the only one who had never noticed Kuro’s face and sparkles in that last panel oh my god they’re sending me #Truly them summarized #Kuro is so noble… Dog best friend of man but is man best friend of dog is the question……….#Btw when i say mickuro flip a coin on if i mean it platonically or romantically. I used to think it was a messier mix but now i generally #see it as queerplatonic. With familial undertones as adventurer’s bible suggests #I’d like to talk more about that and a romantic mckuro take one of these days but man this got long #I’ve been dedicating my month to mickbell plush. Embroidering is going decently well. His hair color is so fcking hard to find fabric for #To other kuro anon askers: I see you!! You have no idea how many thousands of words have been brainstormed on discord idk how to present #all the mickrin timelines coherently snd decently concisely

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unreliablesnake · 1 year ago

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Is it in your DNA? (Phillip Graves x ofc)

Summary: Graves wants to find out who is his bio-dad. But when he finds out, the man isn’t exactly welcoming.

Note: Based on this post by @gravesrafe. You’re a genius, I hope you don’t mind that I wrote this. / The OFC is called April. / Maybe this is a part one. Idk. / The mistakes you might find in this are completely unintentional, I swear.

Until now, Phillip had been staying in his house, always keeping an eye on what was happening in the outside world and at Shadow Company, and getting ready for the perfect moment to return. His girlfriend kept him entertained most of the time, but when she left for a few days to visit her father who had just broken a leg, he realized that his thoughts could get quite wild when he was on his own.

She was really close to her dad, he had seen this several times with his own eyes, and this made him think. He never knew his father. His mother never talked about him, always avoided the topic when he asked, so around the age of twelve he gave up trying.

But now as an adult maybe it was time to find out. Maybe he could use his wealth and connections to hire the best private investigator available to find his father. So once he made up his mind, he made a few calls and soon found who he was looking for thanks to a friend.

“Thank you for coming here on such short notice,” said Phillip as they sat down in the living room.

The man flashed a polite smile at him as he leaned forwards on the sofa. “It's only natural, Mr. Graves, I know how busy you are, and it must be important.”

Clearing his throat, Phillip leaned back in the armchair and stretched his fingers on the armrest. “Well, it's a personal issue.”

“Your girlfriend?”

He couldn't help but laugh. He trusted her more than anyone, he didn't have a reason to start an investigation about her. “It's my father. I never knew him, but I think it's time to find him with your help,” he said after a short break.

The man thought for a second. “Is your mother still alive?” he asked.

“If you want to know if I’ve ever tried to ask her, then the answer is yes, I have. Several times. But she’s stubborn and doesn’t want me to know for some reason.”

“I see.”

That was all he said. Phillip thought he would refuse to work for him, saying it either wasn't worth his time or energy, or was a case that wasn't the kind he would normally pick to work on. But the silence stretched even longer, causing him to shift in his seat from the anxiety that was beginning to take over his mind.

And he wasn't the type to be anxious. The last time he felt that way had been a bit over a year ago, when his girlfriend got into a car accident. It was pure luck that he wasn't away on a mission at the time, so the moment he got the call from the hospital, he told everyone to man up and handle things without him for a week or two.

He wished April was there with him now. Just taking her hand, feeling the soft skin and warmth would have made him feel a lot better. But she wasn't here now, and he had to handle this on his own. After what felt like an eternity, he cleared his throat to prepare for the question that had been on his mind for a while.

“Have you even tried to find him on your own?” the man suddenly asked, surprising Phillip. “I know about your company, I'm sure you have the resources and connections to manage on your own.”

“I'd rather have someone else do it,” came the honest response.

The private investigator suddenly stood up and dusted off his dress shirt before straightening his tie. “All right. I'll get to work tomorrow and get back to you once I know something about him.”

“Thank you,” was all Phillip said as he shook his hand.

Two days after this conversation his girlfriend finally returned, and she was extremely interested in his sudden urge to find this father he had never known. As they were lying in bed with her head resting on his chest, she drew circles into his skin as she kept asking him questions about the man he hired.

“Do you think he will find your father?” she asked quietly.

Phillip gulped at the thought. It's not like he hadn't thought of the possibility of the private investigator failing to do this simple task. Because how hard could finding one man be? “I'm sure he will,” he replied eventually.

She rested her chin on his shoulder as she looked up at him. “You don't sound too sure,” she pointed out, to which he only responded with a groan. “Okay, okay, I'll let you off the hook.”

“Have you talked to your dad since you got home? Is he okay alone?” he asked before gently kissing the crown of her head.

A sigh left her lips, then she simply turned on her back and looked up at the ceiling. “You know how stubborn he can be. His neighbor offered to help, I offered to hire someone to help, but he keeps saying he can manage on his own,” April replied, her tone giving away that she was tired of her father’s nonsense.

He couldn’t blame her for feeling like this, after all he had gone through the same thing with his mother after she had a surgery. Sometimes he joked that they should be together, maybe this would benefit them, but he knew neither of them would be happy.

Days passed painfully slowly, each feeling longer than the last, making him believe the private investigator got to a dead end. But then his phone rang, and he saw his name on the screen. “I was beginning to think you found nothing,” he admitted after the suggestion to meet for dinner later that night.

Phillip didn’t want company, so he reserved a private room in a fancy restaurant he often took his girlfriend to. The man arrived on time, as if he had waited outside until the very last minute. “As I said on the phone, I have good news, Mr. Graves,” he began as they settled down. He took out a thin file that he set down between them. “I found your father, although I must warn you; he’s a very private man.”

“But you still found some things, right?”

“Yes. His name is Russell Adler,” he began as he opened the file and handed his client a photo from the top. “He works for the CIA. I had to pull a few strings to get this information, but I’m positive that this is the case.”

As he picked up the picture, Phillip took a good look at the man. He looked similar to him, even had a nasty scar on his face like he did. Well, his scar apparently wasn’t nasty, at least his girlfriend always said she loved it about his face. A smile crept on his face at the thought of her, but he quickly regained his composure and looked up at the other man.

“How in the hell did my mother meet someone like him?” he asked, already afraid that the answer would be a drunken night out.

“Your mother lived in the same building for a short time. I don’t exactly know the full story, but they had a fleeting relationship,” he explained. “From what I’ve heard, your mother never told him she was pregnant. He went on a mission, disappeared for months, then by the time he returned, your mother was already gone from that apartment building.”

The Shadow put down the photo and reached for the whole file instead. “So my mom didn’t want him to know, huh? I wonder why that is.”

“He’s… difficult. I talked to a few people he used to know, and they all said the same thing. He lived for his job. He’s known for being a true patriot, always putting the best interest of this country before his own.”

“Sounds just like you,” his girlfriend noted when he told her everything later that night. They were sitting on the couch with her head on his thighs, his hands buried into her hair as they talked. “Do you want to meet him?”

“I don’t know,” Phillip admitted. “He has no idea I exist. And if he was already working for the CIA when Mom got pregnant, then he could have easily found her after he returned from that mission. But he didn’t care enough to look for her.”

April reached for his hand that was resting on his stomach and raised it to her lips. “But what if he would be glad to find out he has a son? You’re successful, intelligent, and so stupidly handsome.” He couldn’t help but laugh at this. “You should give it a try.”

The smile that stayed on his lips grew wider when she sat up and turned around to kiss him. If his men knew how smitten he was with her at home, they would probably make jokes about him behind his back. But he didn’t care, not as long as they were together. She made him a better person, made him see things in a different light most of the time.

Even now she managed to convince him to meet that man. “But you’re coming with me,” he told her before kissing the tip of her nose.

And so a few days later they were sitting in a rental car outside the man’s house. Phillip was gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white, but he loosened up a little when she put a hand on his shoulder to give it a gentle squeeze.

“Listen, I know I said you should do this, but if you changed your mind–”

He shook his head immediately. “No, no, it’s okay, I’m ready.”

She didn’t find him convincing enough, but she nodded nonetheless. They got out of the car and walked up to the front door, which to their surprise opened before they could even knock. There was the man from the photos right in front of them, eyeing the pair with a suspicious look on his face.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Adler,” Phillip said with a nod.

“Do we know each other?”

He took a deep breath before pulling out an old photo of his mother from the inner pocket of his jacket. “Do you know her? Her name is Mary Graves,” he said, carefully examining the man’s facial expressions. There was a glint in his eyes, something that told him he recognized her. “So?”

Adler let out a sigh, his eyes narrowing. “Don’t be mistaken, I know who you are, Mr. Graves. The Shadow himself,” he began. “I assume that woman is your mother.”

“You never answered my question.”

“I used to know her, yes,” the older man said as he folded his arms over his chest. “Based on your possible age and the time I knew her, my best guess is that you believe I’m your father.”

“I hired someone to look into this issue, he was the one who found you. Look, I know it was my mother who left, and she never said anything bad about my father. She just… avoided the topic, especially after moving in with my stepfather,” Phillip explained as he put away the photo that was given back to him. “All I want is to get to know my bio-dad.”

As Adler took a better look at the man who claimed to be his son, Phillip absentmindedly reached out to take his girlfriend’s hand, fingers tightly laced with hers while they waited. “You’ll need a DNA test to prove this,” he finally spoke up.

Phillip couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped his lips. “Of course. I was expecting this answer,” he said eventually. “I’ll arrange everything, you just have to be at home when they come for the sample if you agree.”

After a nod, the man turned to look at the woman on his alleged son’s side. “And who is she?” he asked.

“My girlfriend. She was the one who convinced me to come and talk to you.”

“I’m April,” she said with her usual kind smile as she extended a hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

For the first time since they arrived, Adler’s lips curled into a smile. “Likewise. But as pleasant as this conversation is, I’d rather not invite you in yet. Let’s wait for the result of that test,” he said, his expression gradually turning into a condescending one as he turned to the other man again.

Phillip nodded. “That’s understandable. They will give you a call to arrange an appointment. See you later if the test proves it’s true. If not, then this is the last time you see me.”

“Have a nice trip back home,” was all he said before closing the door.

The two of them got back in the car, and Phillip began to drive towards the airport without saying a word. His girlfriend tried to talk, first about neutral things, like what they should eat for dinner or how they could go and spend the following weekend in his lake house. But he didn’t seem interested in any of these topics so she gave up and stepped back to give him some time to figure out how to say what was on his mind.

And sure enough, about half an hour later he licked his lips and said, “I can’t believe that guy. He didn’t even want to get to know me. He didn’t even consider being my real father, he denied everything.”

“He didn’t deny anything, honey,” April began as she reached out to take his hand. “You wouldn’t invite some stranger into your home only because they claim to be your son. He just wants to see the result of the test first. Once you’re proven right, he’ll be more cooperative.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“I know I’m right,” she said with a laugh, earning a warm look and a kiss on the back of her hand in return. “He’ll come around. Don’t worry.”

#call of duty #phillip graves #phillip graves x reader #russell adler #modern warfare #mw2

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jewreallythinkthat · 8 months ago

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I really think you’re misinterpreting things. No one is saying you can’t experience joy while bad things like with what’s happening in Gaza is going on. You can still have fun and do your normal everyday activities, but it’s important to be informed and keep up to date with what’s going on. Yes, many people have known for months what’s going on, but there are still many people out there who have not kept up with what continues to go on (such as the Rafah invasion). It’s very important that we keep up with the information coming from Gaza, we don’t have to stop our everyday activities, but we NEED to be informed on what’s happening RIGHT NOW.

Hi Nonnie,

I completely disagree with you (as I'll outline below) but I appreciate the civility of the this ask.

Question: why do people NEED to be informed on what's happening RIGHT NOW? (More on this later).

I have seen multiple people post, in fandom spaces, that they don't trust anyone who isn't posting about Gaza - and these include people highly active in fandoms who I have followed for a long time. This is spam. This is designed to disrupt people's enjoyment of something to force them to think about what is going on in the middle east.

People need a break. I appreciate for those in Gaza, doe those diving to bomb shelters in Israel, for the hostages, there is no let up. Me being able to distance myself to catch my breath is a privilege they do not have, however it is not the right of a single person on this website, or frankly in the world, to force me or anyone else who wants to enjoy something to engage with a different topic - especially one which is as horrific as what's going on.

People are allowed to enjoy themselves and have fun without being forced to feel guilty that others are not as fortunate. Compassion burnout is a huge issue and forcing people who might actually be able to do some good to be exposed against their will to awful videos and photos benefits literally no one, and shaming them for not engaging is just as bad.

Have you seen that the IDF have managed to evacuated almost 1 million people from Rafah? I don't like that they're going in there. It hurts to know how much more death and destruction will come of this but the evacuation is a stunningly remarkable feat.

What do you want Israel to do? Do you believe taking hostages is a reasonable way to get what you want? That kidnapping teenage girls and parading them through the streets at trophies will help anything? I believe they are going back to the truce talks despite Egypt scuttling them last time.

Genuine question. Why do you, and other need to be informed? Have you ever thought that people must be aware of atrocities all over the globe before the current war in the middle east? Are you aware that on the DRC and Rwandan boarder, there are multiple slaughters, slave taking and continued genocide between the Hutu and Tutsi populations? Do you think the world should be aware of this? It's been going in far longer than the current war but the world is silent because it's not the cool and sexy war to be an activist about. How about what's happening in China? The oppression of women in Iran for allowing a single strand of hair on display? The fucking catastrophe in Sudan?

This war isn't special, it's not even close to the worst thing happening in the world (objectively) and I hate that I have to say things like this because all war is awful, all suffering is horrendous. There are, numbers wise, timeline wise, politically, far worse and more terrifying and more globally impactful things happening at the moment so why is there an obsessions with the Israel Hamas war above all else?

#i/p #ask answered

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1800-fight-me · 2 years ago

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hello! Hope you’re good, related to your post about practice makes perfect, would you please like make something related abour reader feeling a little bit insecure about her height? Idk i think it would be cute to see how Aemond will react, thank you 🫶

Soothed Insecurities

Aemond Targaryen x Petite!Female!Reader

A Practice Makes Perfect Fic - This can be read as a stand alone fic or part of the series!

Rating: Mature- This is still not for minors!

Warnings: Allusions to sex but other than that it's fluff!

Word Count: About 700 words...it's tiny

Synopsis: Aemond has his own unique ways of soothing your insecurities.

Author’s Note: Please accept this humble offering as my apology for not writing as much lately due to the craziness of my life!!

Important announcement!! I am no longer using a taglist! Instead if you would like to be notified when I post new fics follow my side blog @jo-writes-fanfic and turn your post notifications on!

Aemond Masterlist

You were newly wedded and therefore still new to court. It overwhelmed you at times. You were not used to such propriety and elegance at all times from the people that surrounded you.

It made you feel, well- rather insecure, you supposed.

You did your best to project grace, you were technically a princess now that you married a prince of the realm, but you feared that you fell short in that regard.

Short… even the thought of the word caused you to clench your jaw.

“My my, don’t you look fierce, sweet wife,” Aemond said as he entered your chambers.

You blinked in surprise and realized you had been lost in your own mind and stared into the flames of your fireplace as you clenched a book tightly in your hands.

“Put a dagger in your hand, and even I might be frightened,” your husband teased.

“Oh, my apologies, I was lost in thought,” you said quietly in reply.

“What worries your mind, beautiful?” he asked as he sat on the plush loveseat next to you.

His casual, yet carefully selected, terms of endearment should put your insecurities to rest, but still the words spoken to you today by one of the ladies of the court struck deep.

A gentle hand on your cheek caused you to finally break your reverie enough to look at him.

Concern was obvious on his handsome face.

“I fear I do not belong in court. That I stick out like a sore thumb,” you murmured.

His thumb stroked your cheek in comfort and reassurance.

“Whatever could you possibly mean by that? You are perfect,” he said.

You shook your head slightly and his brow furrowed even more.

“Not as I was reminded so politely today,” you said weakly.

“What?” he asked, his tone now sharp.

“It was pointed out to me that I am much shorter and considerably less graceful than the other ladies of court,” you replied as you nervously toyed with the threads at your sleeve.

“Who said this? I shall-”

“It does not matter. It is the truth,” you said.

He hummed in discontent.

“Would you not have been more satisfied with a woman like the ones here? Y’know, tall, elegant, graceful��.” you trailed off, your voice higher with emotion as your eyes began to sting.

“More satisfied?” he scoffed.

You looked down at your lap.

“Have I not proved to you my contentment with this marriage and brought us both to satisfaction each night?” he demanded, his voice strong and passionate.

Your face heated as you flustered.

“Aemond,” you protested softly.

He slowly pulled you onto his lap. As you settled yourself, he kissed you gently across your jaw. He murmured your name against your skin and kissed your lips once, soundly, before he pulled back enough to stare you down.

You shrank under his intense gaze, as your opinion of yourself was currently the cause of his ire. Normally an intense gaze from him meant you were the object of his desire, not because he disagreed with you so strongly.

“I thought I made it clear to you that your size is something I appreciate about you, little wife,” he said, his voice gravely and low.

You buried your face in his neck and hair to hide your embarrassment at his insinuations.

“And, your lack of grace from time to time amuses me. I am always more than happy to catch you should you fall,” he teased as his hands ran up your sides.

You giggled then squealed in surprise as he flipped the two of you over so you were beneath him.

“Do you believe me, my sweet little wife or do you need more convincing?” he purred.

“Oh gods, maybe more convincing,” you breathed out.

He smirked and kneeled before you as he began to push up your skirts.

“How about we work on mastering what we tried last night,” he said as you pulled off his eye patch.

You cared so deeply for him, this man, your kind husband, who soothed your insecurities and in the past had allowed you to soothe his.

“Yes, yes, yes,” you gasped as his mouth reached the most sensitive part of yourself.

#aemond targaryen #house of the dragon #hotd #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond targaryen fanfic #aemond targaryen fluff

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cometpunkpunk · 2 months ago

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Hello and welcome to my humble little blog

Information about me:

-My name is Ty (Although I also like being called Andromeda)

-This blog is SFW (with exceptions of gore if I think to post it but it will be tagged)

-I don’t mind what pronouns you use for me

-I am assigned menace at birth

-I am officially 18 as of November 27th 2024

-I’m an aspiring author as well as poet

-I like making friends a lot and am more than happy to befriend most people

-I’m asexual

What’s this blog for:

-This blog is for posting fanfics/headcanons

-Also it serves as a fandom blog for my various interests

-I now take requests

-I occasionally post Tk stuff but it’s not the focus (it will be put under the #ty is insane if you want to block those posts)

Rules:

-I don’t want to see any NSFW content including kink in my dms(I’m a csa victim)

-However Horror/Gore posters are allowed

-I’m not comfortable with talking to under 18s please don’t message me if you’re a kid (and if someone I follow was pretending to be an adult tell me ASAP)

-I refuse to participate in discourse so please don’t ask

-Do be polite and respectful

-You cannot interact with my blog if you are a pedo, zoo, bigot, judge peoples interests, fetish miners and cat haters

Important tags:

#Ty is sane

Is for my normal posts

#Ty is insane

Is for the unhinged stuff

#Ty ships

Is for my deranged ships

My fandoms and guide:

❤️: current favourites

💜: not a hyperfixtation but I still love

🤍: only recently got into/not finished

🧡: old interest I still am fond of

💛: not in the fandom but would make content for

💚: unable to make content for but still enjoy and will talk about

If there’s a fandom you’re in that I haven’t listened ask about it.

Games:

-Borderlands 🧡

-Undertale/Deltarune ❤️

-Little nightmares 💜

-Mario 💜

-Sonic 🤍

-Pokemon ❤️

-Danganronpa 🧡

-DDLC 🧡

-Crash Bandicoot 💚

-Animal crossing 💜

-Devil may cry 🧡

-Soulsborne games 💚

-Stardew valley ❤️

-Genshin ❤️

-Battle cats 💚

-FNAF 💛

-SCP 🤍

-Batman games 💚

Books:

-A series of unfortunate events ❤️

-Diary of a Wimpy Kid ❤️

Shows/cartoons/movies:

-Monster high (Gen 1) ❤️

-Total drama ❤️

-Ridonculous race ❤️

-Making fiends 💜

-Steven universe 🧡

-TMNT 🤍

-SpongeBob 💜

-Mr men 🧡

-Scooby doo 🤍🧡

-Disney movies 🤍🧡

-Pixar movies 🤍🧡

-Dreamworks movies 🤍🧡

-Bluesky movies 🤍🧡

-Mlp (G4 up to season 5 and Equestria girls)💛

-Arthur 💚

-Coraline 💜

-Looney Tunes 💜

-Wicked 💜

Anime:

-Madoka Magica ❤️

-Grand blue dreaming ❤️

-NGE 💛

-Life lessons with Uramichi Oniisan 💜

-Demon slayer (Finishing Mugen train arc) 🤍❤️

-MHA (Season 1)🤍💛

-Perfect blue 💜

-Made in abyss 💜

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obsidianpen · 8 months ago

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Hi, same Anon who asked about the size of Wizarding Britain & the politics there! Disclaimer that I totally realize that politics is NOT the point of NG, these are also issues with the original series that bug the hell out of me and I was just curious what your takes were.

Speculation about Wizarding politics below:

Is it weird that I read V's government in NG as incredibly unstable? I think claiming the Golden Trio as his own to present a facade of unity is probably the smartest thing he's done so far, and even then we know that the Ministry of Magic pre-Second Wizarding War was not particularly robust. It feels like a conquest that they're getting away with because they don't have any outside forces moving against them, but at the same time it's less a functioning government and more a pile of nepotistic sticks that would blow over in a stiff breeze.

In the real world, a government that weak would normally get overthrown and conquered (either officially or unofficially), depending on outside factors like alliances, natural resources, and geography. Now, we can say that the British MoM is largely just hiding behind the coattails of the Muggle British Government, but that's going to cause some issues for V and his racist agenda if it looks like that's what he's doing.

In this respect, I think V's relationship with Harry is actually incredibly important for the politics of his budding government. Sooner or later, some external force (muggle or magical) is going to look at Magical Britiain, freshly weakened from two civil wars, and if V isn't able to put together an image of unity in the face of that he'll probably join the ignoble list of dictators who lost their countries in less time than it took to conquer them.

Getting that image of unity requires that 1) Harry stays the face of the resistance/political minority, and 2) Harry stays sufficiently under his control. If a foreign agent offers Ron and Hermione protection in exchange for Harry selling out V, V needs to be able to be confident that Harry won't take the offer. In this respect, killing Neville was actually a great move, since -- as we've seen in Hauntingly -- Neville makes a great backup Chosen One if all else falls through.

TLDR: I think Voldemort inherited some pretty shakey institutions when he conquered Magical Britain, and maintaining some sort of semi-plausible vision of unity for the country depends a lot on the Golden Trio (and Harry's) willingness to go along. They are deeply important political relationships for him, but he also can't act like they are to the public because that would likely reveal how vulnerable his hand of cards really is.

aaiieee I have lots of thoughts and appreciate this post!!! But. I also don’t think I can say much haha! He definitely inherited (more like… just took really) a pretty flimsy situation, but I suppose we can assume that other magical governments are likely just as flimsy…. But you are right, V in NG def realizes the need to create a ‘unified’ (if not actual, then seemingly) magical community because they’re just aren’t that many of them… and yes, Harry hermione and (maybe begrudgingly) Ron are Important People, whether he likes it or not

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andysouldancer · 5 months ago

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Imane Khelif

Where do I start with this ?

First I need to apologise to Cathkaesque, because for once in my life I fell for our media and didn’t do my normal background checking. I then contacted her, asking her opinion on this trans issue – when it was not a trans issue ! Worse, I upset her when she was already distressed by this and other events. For that I am sorry.

Because this seems to be part of an orchestrated, anti-trans campaign. And here was me thinking it was just a Caster Semenya situation. No. This is one of many actions that are attempting delegitimise and invalidate transgender people. (And I apologise if my terminology is poor, this is a new area for me.) The most important thing to know, Imane Khelf has boxed for years and fought in the last Olympics – no one complained.

Because the more you look. The more you the misrepresentation and lies. I think even the BBC described Imane Khelif, as trans, but I may be mistaken. But everything points to an unholy alliance of ultra right wing American politicians and their evangelical allies, and Putin’s Russia. All working to stir sh*t. To destabilise society.

Look at the flood of memes etc that so many shared. Years of setting the seed, stories and controversies, all of which were non-stories. J.K. Rowling sounding off about non-events. There is no evidence for the claims she and others make and plenty evidence of the positive effects of transgender conversion for those who need it. And the action of Khelf’s opponent now look more and more like a publicity stunt ?

A lot of this seems tied to the ‘Project 2025’ programme. And this is what frightens my friend and most others in the LGBTQ community. Because ‘Project 2025’, is an overt plan to remove their legal rights, to equal treatment and protection from abuse, and employment rights etc. And note, the transgender attack is the first phase.

Cath knows a lot more about politics, events in the USA than me and is the ‘cross-hairs’ of this. She was deeply upset that the likes of me and many other cisgender friends were taken in by this campaign, sharing memes, jokey or otherwise ! Posting comments, or like me directly asking questions...which showed her that we had been taken in. It must be scary to see how effective a campaign to attack you, to attempt to ostracize from from the rest of society, to de-legitimatise you. To steal your rights and deign your existence, has been !

We have stop this. We have to make a stand against this movement, against trans rights etc. Because it looks like the bow-wave of ‘Project 2025’ ! And we in the UK are only a few years behind the events in the USA. If we don’t act and counter this, pretty soon our own version of ‘Project 2025’ being rolled out here !!!

#olympics #transgender #trans rights #boxing #imane khelif #project 2025 #right wing lies #human rights

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rocketturtle4 · 10 months ago

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Some wild musings on the ways the terms for older and younger siblings are the same and different between Thai, Korean, Taiwanese and (to a lesser extent) Japanese shows.

(Please note these are uniformed observational musings typed so my brain will shush and also cause it’s a heatwave right now and I can’t sleep - Australia Problems.)

Okay the mix of shows I am watching right now have got my brain spinning around the ways the terms for older sibling and younger sibling as romantic and non-romantic terms are the same and different across these four countries (based on their depiction in shows, primarily but not exclusively BL shows so like --- no accuracy is guaranteed)

(Please note I use the terms “older sibling” and “younger sibling” throughout this post with the full awareness that these terms in all the languages have broader implications – heck I’m talking about the broader implications – it’s just an easy way to keep track)

What started this spiral was twofold

The use of didi by robot boy in Anti-rest to denote himself as “younger brother” despite the romantic/possessive nature of their relationship

The use of “ge” vs “da-ge” in Unknown and the fact I have seen da-ge translated as brother, first brother and big brother and I really want to know what the da prefix actually means since ge is brother they also use da as a prefix to the general term for “uncle” in H3: MODC (yes I am watching MODC, Yes I know, No I don’t get myself either).

SO MUSINGS

Lets start with Thai!

Thai is interesting because their older sibling term (Phi) and their younger sibling term (Nong) are both gender neutral and widly used, but calling someone Phi can have romantic connotations but calling someone Nong…can’t, (or well rarely/never does).

The BL boys seem to use “Phi Nong gan” as a way of denying romantic relationships, “we’re just brothers” – it’s platonic.

So “Phi” is potentially romantic but Nong isn’t.

However Phi is also casual to use (as in people can use it even with strangers) so there is both intimacy, politeness and casualness all tied up. It’s not formal but calling someone Phi is not necessarily intimate.

Next up Korea!

I find the Korean terms utterly fascinating since they have four different terms for older sibling, all of which gender both the speaker and the recipient: Unni (Y girl to O girl), Noona (Y boy to O girl), Oppa (Y girl to O boy) and Hyung (Y boy to O boy). (Y = Younger, O = Older).

All of these terms seem to be equivalent but some are used more freely than others

Calling someone older sibling in Korean seems to be a mix of intimate and respectful, it inherently acknowledges the age differential that is important in Korean society, sometimes people use the term straight away, especially Oppa, other times (more often) it’s something that is built too, or offered as a progression of comfort/intimacy in the relationship.

Korean, interestingly has one term for younger sibling, dongsaeng, and (like nong) this term is gender neutral to both speaker and recipient. It, like Nong, seems to never get used in a romantic context and, again like Nong, being denoted “dongsaeng” seems to be something to be actively mad about/avoidant of if you have a romantic interest in your “older sibling.”

Also Oppa is interesting since the term is also occasionally used in both Thai and Taiwan and seems to simply denote “Handsome/Dateable boy” in these languaes, without gendering the speaker. (Presumably this is the result of Korean romances being primarily younger girl to older boy so the use of Oppa was most commonly the term for the male leads and this got picked up).

Quickly Japan.

Japan doesn’t seem to use sibling terms to denote romantic relationships at all, in anime (but not what I’ve seen of live action so far) the terms for older sibling are used with strangers (much like Phi) but this is primarily by children and again anime so... (is anime a less reliable representative of normal speaking than BL do we think? Maybe it depends on the anime…or the BL).

Terms include:

Aniki (older sibling) – gender neutral of both speaker and recipient, rarely used in anime, seems to only be used with actual relatives in live action.

Ototo (Younger sibling) – opposite of aniki (also maybe only younger brother, unsure)

Onii-san (or other suffixes) - older brother

Onee-san (or other suffixes) – older sister

And Now Taiwan (and China)

Taiwan is interesting because “ge” is brother but their language seems to come with prefixes that change what kind of brother term it is. I’m only just starting to follow (read: hear) the terms but for example in Unknown right now Lili calls her brothers “ge” but Zhiyuan calls his brother “da-ge” and Lili uses “da-ge” when talking about their oldest brother with Zhiyuan. Yet all these terms are just translated as brother

Meanwhile in MODC, Hao Ting keeps calling Bo Xiangs older man “Uncle” and Boxiang keeps correcting him to “Big brother” but both words (uncle and brother) seem to be using the Da prefix so I think Da may be like… additionally respectful maybe…or formal, it doesn’t seem to be respectful when Haoting uses it lol? So I am thinking “Da” must mean oldest/first or something similar.

If The Untamed is to be believed “Da-ge” is first brother and “er-ge” is second brother but idk for sure

Then we come to my spiral thoughts, because the younger brother term here is “didi” as far as I know, but unlike nong or dongsaeng this term doesn’t seem to automatically denote the younger person to “only a brother (read: platonic).” Our young robot boy in anti-reset being the current example, but not the only. I’ve not heard an older boy denote a younger boy as “only a brother” (nong/dongseang) in Chinese so far using “didi’, though maybe that’s a sign I need to watch even more Taiwanese BL…

Anyway, that’s all for now, sleep is calling.

(I would like to reiterate I know nothing and have looked nothing up, this is literally a random English speakers eyes and ears and that’s it, all thoughts welcome, if anything is blatantly wrong, or worse offensive, feel free to let me know)

#rturts is wondering #thai bl #taiwanese bl #korean bl #japanese bl #typed so my brain will shush

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ahsokasloyalty · 1 year ago

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My Funny Clone Wars fix it au headcanons No. I.

As per my pre-previous post - the greatest fix it au of all is the Zillo Beast eating Palps as a fucking snack.

Now, some people have pointed out in the aforementioned post that Sheev must be awful and the Zillo Beast does not deserve an upset stomach.

That is true but let me tell you this. I don’t give a fuck.

My beautiful baby can take a lightsaber and doesn’t get hurt. One rotten sith in her giant stomach ain’t gonna do shit.

The more important thing is that it would be so fucking hilarious.

Because no one is technically at fault. It’s not a separatist plot or some shit. Everyone is fully aware that it was Palpatine’s stupid idea to bring the poor thing to Coruscant, so not only did he endanger the inhabitants of Coruscant, he got himself killed. Anakin’s upsetti spaghetti, but that’s about all he can do, it’s not like he can take a revenge on the Beast. The other jedi are like “ooh well” and go on with their lives pretending they are mourning. Before anyone knows it a new chancellor is elected. In two weeks no one gives a shit. Anakin feels better and feels bad about it, because... his friend is dead? But he feels good? The council with Obi-Wan in lead are happy that no one is telling Anakin what to think about them now and Padmé starts educating him about normal politics that don’t involve admiring dictatorships. No one is leading the war on both ends now so it kind of dies out.

No one ever finds out who Palpy was and it is the most hilarious of options. It’s like Voldemort trying to become immortal and dying severly younger than a wizard normally would. Palpatine wants to gain more power and control all of galaxy and he dies and no one even knows how powerful he was and what he managed. Those who know of course won’t say shit. Dooku’s like “time for retirement” and hides so the republic doesn’t find him. Maul finds out and gets even more mad for whatever reason. Maybe he wanted to kill his master by himself. Of course he still goes for Obi-Wan in a dramatic great ways, always fails and gets hissy about it. Maybe he tells someone but they’re like “yeah sure” and call Obi-Wan that his regular unstable nemesis is waiting for his audience.

(I don’t really know if any politician knew or maybe members of the Trade Federation, I don’t think so. If I’m right Grievous didn’t know either, so Sheevy is just dead and no one misses him.)

And now to the most important part - the Zillo Beast is transported once more, this time on an inhabited planet and no one bothers her ever again.

(In my language Beast feels more female, so it’s she/her to me.)

#star wars #the clone wars #the zillo beast #sheev palpatine #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #count dooku #general grievous #padmé amidala #ahsoka tano

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varlaisvea · 9 months ago

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WIP Wednesday today!

This was the thing that started it all! This was the start of what is now a novel-length fic that I have not posted. It got moved to the prologue, and now might get left out entirely, though I hope I can find a way to include it!

Pairing: Razum-dar & The Vestige (canon)* Words: 5.3k Rating: T, alcohol and allusions to sex Summary: After a fraught visit with Raz's family, Razum-dar and the Vestige have a drunken heart-to-heart. Or something vaguely analogous. (Takes place after the ESO: Elsweyr quest "Home Sweet Home") (*Note: For lulz and challenge reasons, I wanted the Vestige to be the same as they are in-game in ESO, where the canon Vestige lacks a soul and knowledge of their past. Much like the written content of ESO, this Vestige POV also contains no mentions of the Vestige's name, race, age, gender, or any other identifying characteristics. But in a fun and cute way, at least I hope!)

-----

The food was good, and the overall mood was pleasant, but I’ve certainly been to less tense family dinners. And I don’t even have a family.

“Where are you headed now, my friend?” Raz asks me, after we both say our goodbyes to his family. “If you are not sick of this one by now, you are welcome to travel with Raz to Elden Root.” He does not look enthused about going to Elden Root.

“What’s in Elden Root?” Raz sighs heavily. “The closest portal to Eyevea. Raz dislikes travel methods that disassemble and then reassemble your entire existence, but he does what he must for the Dominion.”

“What’s in Eyevea?”

“All Raz knows so far is that he is meeting a Psijic who claims to have important information, and apparently has very questionable motives.”

“Sounds like the type of work you’re best at.”

“Yes, subterfuge is one of Raz’s many, many sleek specialties, as you well know,” he says, buffing his claws. “But this one has a feeling about this mission.”

I feel a little guilty that I’m more intrigued than concerned, but I’m going to chalk it up to faith in Raz’s abilities. “Sounds like it’s not a good feeling,” I say.

“Just so.” He sighs again. “Her Majesty would not send the captain of her guard, Brogomir, to personally retrieve Her Majesty’s most valuable agent, Razum-dar, from a vacation she herself imposed on him—to send said extremely dashing agent to a secret, inaccessible mage island in a pocket dimension, where anyone with political business is distinctly and explicitly unwelcome—if this were not a very weighty matter for the Dominion.”

“You make a good point,” I say, and now I am even more intrigued, but also concerned.

“To meet a member of the Psijic Order, no less! We know how the Psijic Order feels about the Mages Guild, yes?”

Right, totally, I guess I remember they have beef or something? I nod.

“This is why Raz suspects that Her Majesty could use your help, if you do not have more urgent business.”

He seems more cautious than normal. I think there’s something he’s not telling me. Then again, there always is. “Elden Root’s as good as anywhere, then!”

“Ah, fragrant, as the folks back home—uh, here—would say. Raz will meet you in Elden Root, then!” He heads off without another word—he seems like he’s in a hurry to leave Merryvale.

Despite all I’ve accomplished, I haven’t been in this reality very long, so there are some things I don’t understand yet. For example, why do people always want to meet me somewhere when we’re going to the same destination? It seems like traveling together would leave less chance of getting separated or side-tracked.

Nevertheless, somehow when I get to the inn in Elden Root, Raz has already been there long enough to book us some bunks at the inn, find a quiet place to drink, and make a pretty good dent in a bottle of moon-sugarcane rum. He has found a place not too far from the inn, but a lot nicer: the roots of the Great Tree are wide enough to sit ten people from side to side, and the one Raz is sitting on overlooks a waterfall and the river; the setting sun lights up the arches of the Elden Root Temple in the distance. He even brought a blanket to sit on.

As I get closer, I see he has scrapes all over his face and neck that he definitely didn’t have when we left Merryvale. “Whoa, what happened to you?”

“Five-claw!” he says, as if he didn’t just see me in Merryvale. “So glad you could make it! Please, do not worry about old Raz,” he says, pouring a drink. “There was some confusion after this one placed an order for supplies—” he holds up the bottle of rum. “The vendor called out ‘order for Raz’ and a tall, intimidating, very muscular Orc went and grabbed all the parcels! Raz, this one, had to confront him—”

“Oh, no…”

“—it turns out his name was Roz, spelled differently. A simple misunderstanding!” Raz laughs.

“So… what happened to your face, then?’ I ask, sitting down next to him on the blanket.

“Well, this one and the Orc Roz decided to split one of the bottles of rum. Events unfolded, and we found ourselves in a… heated… conversation.”

“Oh,” I say, grimacing. “Seems like it didn’t end well.”

“Ah, no, Raz should have been clearer—this was the type of ‘heated’ ‘conversation’ that typically ends very well.” He is already drunk, so that joke delights him. “Contrary to what this one’s mother says about him, he can say no to a pretty face, he just does his best not to make a habit of it, yes?” He takes a drink. “And, you must agree, it would be grievously unjust for this pretty face to deny due consideration to all reasonable requests.” He grins.

I roll my eyes. How did he even have time for that? “Right, so… the Orc.”

“Yes, Roz. You may be wondering, how is kissing accomplished with so many differently-shaped fangs involved? Or maybe you do not need to wonder at all, ha!” He tips his cup to me. “But this evening, Raz was reminded that the answer should be very carefully.”

I search my pack for something to eat—it’s been about two or three hours, so I’m hungry.

“You are a member of the Mages Guild, yes?”

I nod. “And the Psijic Order.”

“Of course you are.” He shakes his head and takes a drink, then looks back at me. “Raz did not want to sound concerned,” he says, “but the truth is he is very glad to have you along.” He finishes what’s in his cup. “Arriving in Eyevea will be possible with your help—this one did not exactly have a plan of his own.”

“Glad I could—“

“—And, as an additional benefit, Raz will now have time to threaten you appropriately!” Raz says cheerfully. “Raz assumes it is healthy to have one’s ego culled from time to time, but it was quite unfortunate that you saw what this one’s family thinks of him.” He refills his cup generously. “Raz is glad you have also seen how adept he is at killing, because he is going to swear you to secrecy about his relationship with Mother and Rakhzargo.”

I roll my eyes again as I take a bite of my Longfin Pasty with Melon Sauce. “Who would I tell, Raz? Surprisingly, the subject of how much your family likes you has never come up in conversation with anyone but you,” I say, with my mouth still full for extra mockery.

He laughs. “And it should stay that way, yes? Captain Brogomir’s arrival was what made Raz’s mother and brother change their tune, so luckily Brogomir did not hear them calling Raz a good-for-nothing drunkard,” he says, with an obvious note of bitterness. ”You are the only one who knows.”

“Heh. You think Brogomir didn’t already know you’re a good-for-nothing drunkard?”

“Funny, five-claw. Raz knows Ziz Kurah, incidentally.” I realize how much he doesn’t sound as playful as he usually does when he threatens to kill me. He sounds… kind of hurt, actually. I look up from my meal to see that he’s already nearly done with the cup of rum he just poured. Maybe it’s best to change the subject. “So… what’s next?”

Raz finishes what’s in his cup. “Tomorrow we go to Eyevea and meet with this Psijic. Raz does not know much more than that.” He uncorks the bottle to refill his cup. “Tonight,” he says with a dark sigh, pouring himself a generous amount of rum, “this one intends to get very drunk. One reason we’re staying at an inn—this is frowned on at the Altmer embassy.”

It’s obvious the time in Merryvale upset him. Raz and I have been through a lot together, I realize—he’s one of the closest friends I’ve made in my travels. But I’m not sure if he wants to talk about it, or just get drunk about it. Either way, I wasn’t doing anything this evening. “Could I be helpful with that, too?”

Raz grabs another large bottle of rum from his pack, and sets it down proudly next to him on the blanket. “Ah, five-claw! Truthfully, this one is just as relieved to have you with him on this evening’s journey as he will be to have your help tomorrow!” He reaches into his pack, pulls out another stone cup, and pours me what’s left of the bottle he’s been working on. He lifts his cup to me so we can tap them together.

I down mine—pleasantly sweet—and I’m a little relieved to see Raz take a subdued sip of his. The last rays of the sun shine brilliantly though the tree canopy and make the top of the waterfall appear golden. We share a long, cozy silence.

“So,” Raz says finally, “how did you like Merryvale? Raz must seem like a different cat to you, now that you’ve seen where he comes from.”

“It’s a beautiful place.”

“Yes, and you met this one’s beautiful neighbors, to whom Raz made many beautiful promises when he thought he would never be coming back to Merryvale.” He takes a long drink. “Raz thanks you in advance, as he knows you will also not be telling anyone how that ended.”

I swish around the rum in my cup, then finish the rest of it. “Did you really think you were never going back there, when you told them?”

He sighs, and finishes what’s in his cup. “Sometimes love makes people do irrational things,” he says. “And now you know, this one has been in love at least three times, so… that’s very irrational, yes?“

“If making promises you don’t plan to keep counts as being in love, then it’s been many more than three,” I say, laughing, downing the rest of the rum in my cup. “Come on Raz, you’re a better liar than that.”

“Raz did say at least three times,” he says, without much humor in his voice. He sighs and leans his head back, covering his face with his hands. “Raz is only a good liar to people who have not seen his mother steal all of his confidence with a steely precision that would make Rajhin jealous. Thankfully, that is most people.” He refills his cup, then mine. “But leave it to Mother to get right to the truth, yes? And you have now met Raz’s neighbors in Merryvale, so you have seen this truth firsthand.” He sighs at length, like he’s about to say something he doesn’t want to. “It is very embarrassing to have an admired comrade find out that this one is actually the selfish, manipulative bastard his detractors curse.”

“Hey, I don’t think that about you! How could anyone who really knows you believe that?”

“Raz is telling you, Mother does really know him.” He doesn’t sound upset, just resigned, which might be worse. “Raz knows his reputation; he knows that many of his acquaintances would readily believe a rumor that he is just as much of a snake to his friends as he is to enemies of the Crown. He also knows he is charming enough to easily re-convince them otherwise.”

As with many things he says, I can’t tell if he’s implying seduction, deception, intimidation, or pure charm, but before I can ask him to clarify, I realize that the very fact that I have that question—and that he is more than capable of any combination of those—proves his point. I take a sip of my drink and nod, convinced.

He takes a long drink and looks out at the river, sighing. “But it would not change the fact that, for example, he hurt three lovely Khajiit he grew up with, because his ego was too fragile to see beyond his own whiskers.” He takes another sip, then gestures toward me with his cup. “You must not tell Raz that did not lower your opinion of him.”

“Well, it’s… definitely not one of the more noble things I’ve seen you do.”

“Ha! So diplomatic! Prior to then, you had mostly seen Raz disregard common decency in suave, roguish service to the Queen, and look so-sleek doing so. You had not seen him do it in selfishness, and so clumsily to boot.” He sighs, and drinks. “The folks back home in Merryvale see right through this one.”

“You’ve changed a lot since you last saw them, huh?”

Raz sighs. “Immeasurably.”

“For the better?” I ask, finishing my drink.

“Unquestionably.”

“From the perspective of someone who doesn’t know them, I don’t think they see through you. I think they look at you and see Razum, the sweet-talking troublemaker who left Merryvale many years ago.”

Raz appreciatively nudges me with his elbow. “Raz sees what you are trying to do, my kind friend, but… this one is very much still the arrogant liar who made sweet-toothed promises to his neighbors to get what he wanted, because he was too much of a coward to tell them he could never be happy with a life spent harvesting moon-sugar.”

“Being an arrogant liar is what makes him so valuable to Her Majesty, right? And his sweet-toothed promises too, I’m sure.”

He tips his cup to me.

“See? You’re still an ass, I’d never deny that, but I can’t see you doing something like that to someone now.”

“No, Raz is a much better liar now; he does not have to lie just to make pillow-friends. He finds them naturally on the strength of his sleek and elegant lies for Queen and country!”

I laugh, and we sit in tipsy silence.

After several moments, Raz sighs and says, “and… to be fair… this one’s neighbors still had to make him fear for his life in order to get an apology out of him.”

“You eventually gave it?”

“Yes… this one just had to get over himself a little first. But once I did, I listened to all of them, and apologized truly. And I apologized that they had to force it out of me. As Raz said earlier… sometimes it truly is valuable to see reflections of your less-respectable qualities.”

“But actually reflecting on them, being willing to apologize for them, and doing your best to make them right… those are good qualities you now have that you didn’t back then. Why is it so hard to believe that you’ve grown up, at least a little?”

“Heh, fine. I suppose you are right, five-claw. And Raz did not exactly give Kideya and Rakh-ja much of a chance to see that.”

“I can’t blame you for trying to put up with as few cutting remarks as possible,” I say. “It really started to bother me. You’ve saved my life before.”

“Raz admits, he did not fully realize what he was asking you to do in staying quiet through their insults, since he was so used to them.“ He finishes what’s in his cup. “Perhaps that is something else he should spend some time thinking about. Sometimes we all get used to things we should not, yes?”

I nod. “Especially the most resilient of us.”

He refills his cup and takes a sip. “But! Perhaps new moons have risen for Raz’s family relations! This one is not ready to trust it just yet, but he now finds himself in the shocking position of having received an apology and an enthusiastically glowing admission of pride from his mother.” He gestures at me with his cup. “Nicely done, as usual.”

“You act like I lied to her, like it was some sort of scheme! All I did was talk about you honestly.”

“Ah, heh. Perhaps Raz needs some time for it all to sink in. Or more drinks.”

We share another long but comfortable silence, both of us taking the occasional sip of rum. The moons are visible now, but the last rays of the setting sun still filter through the trees. My arms and legs are starting to feel pleasantly warm, and my head feels satisfyingly buzzy.

Raz breaks the silence again. “Rakh-ja was telling this one that he is in love with a Bosmer who had come through to help at the farm. They write each other letters.” He grins.

“That’s adorable,” I say, smiling at the thought. “I guess that’s what he meant when he saw Brogomir and said he wished he got letters from tiny elves.”

“He said that? Ha!” Raz seems pleasantly surprised.

“I thought he was joking!” I finish my cup. “Maybe technically telling the truth—cryptically, in plausibly deniable way—is a talent that runs in the family,” I suggest. I think I said all of those words right.

“Let us hope so, for the future Rakhzargo-dar!” Raz says, raising his cup. “Anyway, it is not so far to Elden Root from Merryvale, so Rakh-ja is doing as many extra chores as he can, so he can take days away from the farm.”

“Aww.”

“I left him a little pouch under his pillow—enough coin for his next caravan ride, and Raz’s personal favorite Bosmeri poem. Raz has had much success, being versed in poetry of the various races of Tamriel. He wishes Rakh-ja the same success.”

I refill my cup, and we silently toast Rakhzargo’s budding relationship.

“He must be pretty serious about this mer if he’s willing to do all that… stuff,” I say.

“Yes, in Raz’s lifetime he has done many stupid, embarrassing, laborious, dishonest, and/or dubiously legal things for love—well, mostly for… love-adjacent pursuits. But he still cannot imagine being so in love that he is willing to do extra chores,” Raz shakes his head in disbelief.

I laugh more loudly than I’d intended. “Raz, everything you do could be characterized as ‘being so in love that you are willing to do extra chores!’” I try to temper my laugh, which is only possible to do by taking a sip of rum.

Raz sets down his cup in mock offense. “How dare you suggest this! What would ever give you that impression!” He touches his hand to his chest in dramatic shock.

“In your defense, even Her Majesty considers the Crown’s official business a ‘chore.’” I am learning jokes! I am hilarious. “You have always promised me you would tell me the good Ayrenn stories when we were drunk,” I say, finishing the last of what’s in my cup. “Here we are.”

“Ah, it is a sadness, but you have unfortunately missed the short window where Raz is both drunk enough to be willing, and sober enough to do so coherently.” He downs what’s left in his cup. “But! Suffice it to say… the truth is much more complicated than that, five-claw.” He gets very quiet. Then, to my astonishment, Razum-dar volunteers more information than is sufficient to answer a question. “Maybe once Raz loved her,” he says, shaking his head. “Maybe he still does. No, probably, he still does.” He sounds so sincere that I’m momentarily confused.

I shake my head to sober up a bit, because this is the good stuff, despite Raz’s warning. “She never felt the same?”

He smiles. “In our younger days, Raz was so smitten with her, but back then, she never felt any deeper than a drunken mistake or two. Well, four, to be precise. And a half.”

He probably doesn’t want to hear how sweet it is that he remembers how many. “Half a drunken mistake, huh?”

“Yes—four eighths.” He shoots me slick smile to indicate that he will not be elaborating. “Anyway, now, Raz’s old friend Ayrenn is the Queen. She considers those days behind her, and truthfully, so does Raz.” He fills my cup, then his, and takes a sip.

I am honestly not sure whether to believe him. “Hm… you ‘probably’ still love her, but those days are also ‘behind you’?” I look at him sideways while sipping my rum.

His mouth is full so he wags his finger at me while he swallows a gulp of rum. “That is a very unfair characterization,” he says, swaying a little. “Just because Raz said those words in that order…”

I intensify my sidelong gaze.

He sighs. “Raz understands your skepticism, five-claw—this one would also disbelieve Razum-dar in this conversation.” He leans his head back sleepily. “But… this one’s life, reputation, physical safety, and personal pride are all already devoted to Queen Ayrenn and the Dominion. More than that… that is too much devotion, yes?”

Very diplomatic, but I can tell there’s more. I stare at him expectantly.

When he opens his eyes and notices me staring, he sits up and stares back at me for several moments, then takes a long swig, and sighs with disgust. “Fine,” he says, leaning his head back and closing his eyes again. He speaks quietly, and with very little bravado. “Raz has known Ayrenn for a long time. He was, of course, embarrassingly smitten with her, instantly—he is from Nowherevale, Anequina, and she was a beautiful Altmer princess who saw that Raz was smart enough to keep up with her and clever enough to be very valuable—of course in addition to entertaining, charming, and handsome. Ayrenn appreciated and cared for this one very much—and in many ways—but she is an Altmer noble, yes? It did not even occur to her that it was possible to have romantic feelings for someone who is not Altmer. Which was fine, as such things could never be possible for us.”

“Oh come on!” I say, forgetting that he is telling me his own feelings, rather than a very good story about someone else. “Royalty have romances with people they aren’t supposed to all the time! Having a secret affair with one’s close advisor of a different race is kind of boring, actually.”

“Ha! Just so,” Raz says, “but, that is not the impossibility.” He takes a long drink. “It is bittersweet, yes? Time moves faster, for this one, than it does for Ayrenn. We are around the same age, but Ayrenn was still gaining height, when she met this one. Perhaps you have noticed her detractors call her a child? This is because she is still a kid, by Elf standards—barely old enough to have a profession. She has had to grow up a lot, and her bedding-Khajiit-as-an-act-of-rebellion days are over—by now, it has even occurred to her that it is possible to fall in love with someone who is not a High Elf. She has always seen Raz’s good qualities, such as the ones you just forced him to admit to, even when he very clearly failed to display them. And her appreciation for him only strengthens. But while her idea of love has matured somewhat… Raz has matured much faster. As have his ideas about love. ” He looks out over the river and sips his rum.

I have some feelings about time and the way we all move through it, but I am drunk and getting personal information out of Razum-dar; this is not an opportunity I will waste. I nod thoughtfully for a respectful length of time. “Hm,” I say quietly. “That addresses the ‘those days are behind you’ part, but not the ‘still love her’ part.”

Raz glares at me. “Raz is very suspicious of people who listen to him closely enough to notice his strategic omissions.”

He sits back again with resignation, and sighs. “There is a piece of Raz that is still the selfish, overconfident, and so, so, so stupid young cat this one was when he met Ayrenn. And there is a piece of Ayrenn that is still an obnoxious High Elf princess who has never known real danger, hunger, or struggle. Those two idiots will always have a feeling about each other that is not love, but as close to it as they are capable of, and just as irresistible. Said idiots live only in our memories, in the moment in time when they both got to be in the same place. Otherwise they are gone, and this is very much for the best—for us, for the Dominion, and for the mudcrab fight rings and live slaughterfish dealers of Tamriel.” He smiles the I-will-not-be-elaborating smile again. “But those two jackasses will also live as long as we do, yes? This is more than enough—one of us is an Elf, after all.”

It’s just nice to hear him say nice things. “Raz, I am glad you’re my friend,” I say. My head is swimming, but in a nice way. The moons are very clear. It’s nice.

“Heh. Raz has not seen you this drunk before, five-claw,” Raz says, distinctly drunkenly. “Perhaps spending time with Kideya had the same effect on you that it did on this one.” He pours out the last of the bottle, some into his cup and the rest into mine.

“I’m going to say something,” I announce… “I don’t think Kidi… Kedd… Kend… your mother ever really gave up on you. Some of my best Razum-dar stories… she believed them very easily. Like she suspected all along.”

He laughs a little sadly. “You are kind to your old friend Raz, truly. But this one suspects her extracredulousity may have something to do with the messenger. It is not every day you meet the Champion of Anequina, slayer of dragons, Moon-Hallowed, savior of Tamriel and Nirni, hero of the Dominion, and so on.” He does a lazy but sincere toast to me, like he can barely lift his arm.

“Raz!” I don’t know why this embarrasses me so much, but it does. “Here I thought I was just a normal… uh… adventurous citizen to her. You told her all that?”

“Yes,” he says without hesitation, “this one had no choice. While you and Brogomir were arranging for a messenger to Alinor, Raz was testifying to your good character—so Mother would know he was not inviting a degenerate like himself to dinner. Unfortunately, Mother initially mistook Raz’s friendly admiration for a sign that perhaps there could be grand-kittens for her, down the road.”

I recoil in mild disgust. “Oh.”

“Yes,” Raz says emphatically. “No offense, but Raz had to stop that line of thinking immediately. So, he told her about you saving the world—anyone would admire the legendary defeater of Molag Bal, the one who stopped the Planemeld. Mother was stunned that her good-for-nothing son has frequently fought alongside someone whose deeds were foretold by the Elder Scrolls.” He swishes the last of the rum in the bottom of his cup.

“Ha, well, I am a little embarrassed, but we absolutely cannot have your mother expecting you to settle down.”

Raz nods. “Raz knows he’ll someday have to tell Mother the truth: unless something goes very, horribly differently than Raz has planned, there will never be kittens, and he is thorough about making sure of this. He chooses duty over all else. He has mostly stopped telling people that this is what truly makes him happiest, because it is rare that anyone believes it.”

I’ve never really thought about it before, but of course, of all people, Razum-dar would have words for something I’ve felt but never articulated. “Yes!” I say, slapping his arm in friendly agreement. “They’ll just tell you that you’ll change your mind when you meet ‘the right one,’ or when you get too old to hold a weapon.” I take a long swig. “Anything is possible, even that, but that’s not what I want for myself.”

Raz nods emphatically. “Ha! This one is glad you understand, five-claw! Of course you do!” He waves his almost-empty cup at me. “Even Ayrenn tells this one that he will slow down and find someone to grow old with. Raz thinks she just doesn’t want him to be alone, as she knows she will be—she will have to marry someone she does not love, almost certainly. But this one? He will never be alone! He has friends all over Tamriel.” He gestures again at me with his cup, nearly spilling what’s left in it. ”And, of course, he has pillow-friends in every city, for when a situation calls for deep friendship."

“Ha, cheers to deep friendship,” I say, lazily but sincerely toasting, barely able to lift my arm.

“Now, you…” Raz continues to point his almost-empty cup at me, “must have pillow-friends on different planes of existence. Raz is envious. You must tell him your secrets sometime.” He finally finishes the last of what’s in his cup, which he emphatically sets down next to him, upside down.

I nod with exaggerated modestly. “Ha, I’m flattered, Razum-dar,” I say curtly, “but if I tell you my secrets, I’ll have competition—“

“—very handsome, charming, cultured, clever competition,” he says, knitting his brow with mock concern. “Hm, yes, Raz deeply sympathizes with your problem. Fine, this one will get to different planes of existence without your help. Eh, except tomorrow, when he needs your help." He reflects a moment. "Ha, if the Psijic we are meeting is somehow not an insufferable stuck-up dweeb, perhaps this one will ask them if they would like to bring Raz to Artaeum for a night, and... stretch out time.”

“… I might know someone in Coldharbour you’d get along with,” I joke, laughing, finishing my cup and likewise smacking it upside down onto the wood of the massive oak tree’s root.

“This one has been there once or twice. Ah, Raz’s vision is blurry, it is like he’s there right now,” he laughs. “Is it by any chance the lovely Bosmer trader near the Hollow City wayshrine?”

I wasn’t actually thinking of anyone; I thought he’d know I was joking. “No, I—“

“Or, oh, the sleek and muscular Argonian blacksmith with the—“ he mimes tall horns.

“I could barely get him to talk to me; perhaps you’d have better luck? But, if you’re into big horns and shapely tails—“

“Not even you could introduce this one to the… sexy… Prince of Schemes.” He can’t finish the sentence without giggling, then breaking into full-on laughter.

“Mm, his voice though,” I say, also laughing. “Hello, handsome—” I say in a very bad impression of the Lord of Brutality and Domination.

“—the… Planemeld… is nigh… if you know what I mean…” Raz says seductively, lowering his voice ridiculously to do an equally bad impression.

We are both very drunk and laughing, wiping tears from our eyes about our not-all-that-funny jokes.

“You’re right, though…” I say, through giggles. “I probably couldn’t introduce you.” I start laughing at my joke before I can even say it. “We’re… not on very good terms right now.”

I’m laughing, Raz is laughing, pretty moons, nice friend, good rum. As I laugh, I lean my head back against the tree, and I realize how tired I am.

I wake up in a leather and hide bed, in an unfamiliar communal inn room, with the moons shining directly into my eyes through the window, and my head spinning. I’m still in my traveling leathers, but my boots are off my feet. The blanket Raz and I were sitting on earlier is wrapped around me, and there’s a large jug of drinking water on the floor next to me. I know for sure I couldn’t have done all that myself. I sit up, chug about a third of the water, and manage to get off most of my leathers before stumbling back into bed, turned away from the moons this time, smiling about a joke I don’t remember.

#eso #tesblr #razum-dar #eso fam #the vestige #wip wednesday #eso fanfic #raz spills some ayrenn tea #they do some molag bal impressions #raz manages to get laid offscreen #pls clap #even though i might leave this out there is a lot of ~foreshadowing

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