#I don’t know what I expected from them because they’ve always been a bit homophobic but they bring it up constantly now

[dubersbutt]

Take a Bow (4) - Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,

Warnings: Babies, anxiety/feelings of heightened anxiety, smut

It’s not that Connor hates kids. They just make him uncomfortable.

Like when his aunt had a baby when he was 13 his mom asked if Connor wanted to hold him. Connor was fine when his mom gently placed the baby in his arms. Up until his mom told her to be super careful with his head or else he could snap his neck and kill him. Or if Connor accidently pressed his soft spot it could severely detriment his brain development. It was too much responsibility.

At least that’s what he used to think.

He fell in love with Emilia the minute you walked through the front door with her in the baby carrier. The dogs were excited by the tiny squirming arms inside the carrier, he had to hold Lenny back so he didn’t crush her.

“This is going to sound super cliche,” Connor says as he coos into the carrier where Emilia is trying to open her tiny eyes, “but she is the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”

“She’s a lot cuter now that her head is a normal shape,” you joke, munching on a cookie Connor had set out for you.

“Can you stop making fun of our daughter’s cone head?” Leon rolls his eyes.

“You didn’t see it, it was terrifying.”

(Connor googles a picture of it later. Babies are fucking weird.)

He helps you up the stairs to the waiting cup of tea on the mug warmer in your bedroom. He lets you get settled, handing you the TV remote and giving you a kiss on the forehead before going back downstairs to meet his daughter (step-daughter? Connor didn’t really know).

“Can I hold her?” Connor asks when he finds Leon and Emilia in the living room.

“What happened to the three month rule?” He raises an amused eyebrow.

Connor had created it after the incident. He didn’t hold a baby that was younger than 3 months.

“I’m feeling brave.”

Leon scooches over so Connor has room to sit comfortably. Leon gently places Emilia in his arms, and gives Connor a pillow to prop his arm on. Emilia’s blinks at him before squirming and stretching her little arms over her head. Connor feels all warm and fuzzy in his chest.

“Hello, Emilia,” he says, with a smile on his face, “I’m your other dad.”

~~~

Connor’s not inherently a jealous person.

Or at least he thought he was. But ever since Emilia came home he’s been feeling it. He loves Emilia, don’t get him wrong. Well, actually, he should backpedal for a second.

Connor is still annoyed at Leon.

He knows he should probably bring this up (because look what happened last time) but he hasn’t because Leon was trying to make things right with you. He obviously was trying with Connor as well, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was an afterthought. Some days were better than others, but everytime Connor thought about how he woke up and couldn’t find Leon in the penthouse he felt like puking.

Emilia eases the pain. He truly does love her like his own. The only time he uses the “she’s your kid” card is when it's 2 am and he’s too tired to get up. But he rarely even does that because Connor’s always been the heaviest sleeper out of the three of you. But other than that, he volunteers for bathtime, plays with her while you’re in the shower, he doesn’t even hate changing diapers that much.The puppies love her too, they’ve transitioned from napping on the dog beds in the living room to the spot on the couch closest to the bassinet to keep an eye on them. He regularly has to stop Lenny from trying to jump in and crush Emilia.

Back to Leon (Connor tends to get side tracked when talking about Emilia). Connor’s still annoyed and he’s been working up to talking about it. But it never seems like a good time. First you were pregnant, and Connor didn’t want to upset either of you. Then it was playoffs and Connor didn’t have any time to think about anything else. Then they got swept and Connor did nothing but eat ice cream for a week like he just had his first heartbreak. And after that…well, he just hates confrontation.

He keeps telling himself that he’ll get around to it, that he just wants to gather his thoughts but he knows he’s stalling at this point. Mostly because -

“So did you do what we talked about last session?” Sophie, his therapist, asks him at the beginning of his appointment.

-his therapist calls him on his bulshit. And he realizes that’s the whole reason he pays her, but it’s still rude.

“About that…” Connor trails off.

She gives him an amused smile, “Connor, you know I don’t like telling you what to do but I strongly suggest you talk to Leon.”

“Sophie, my girlfriend gave birth, we started playoffs and got swept all in the last two weeks,” he says with an exasperated sigh, “I deserve a little time for myself. Isn’t that what you told me last week?”

“I was getting to that,” she says.

Connor almost didn’t show up to his first session. He spent the whole ride over that he his therapist would be a quiet homophobe and who’d sell his story to the presses and ruin his life.

But then he went in and saw the framed photo of Sophie and her wife and their twins. He let out a sigh of relief and felt more comfortable telling her about his life. She didn’t even really watch hockey and she told him that he thought he was a “good player” for his age. Connor always has to stop himself from laughing whenever she tries to compliment his playing style. She’s adorable.

“And what about  (Y?N)? Have you thought about what you were going to say to her?”

He knows. He just doesn’t know if you’ll want the same thing.

“I have, a little bit.”

“And would you like to share what you’ve been thinking about?”

“I-uh,” he swallows, “I want another baby?”

“Is that a question?”

“I don’t think so.”

Sophie sends him home with the same homework he had last week: try to slowly figure out what he wants to say when he’s eventually ready to have a talk.

When he comes home, Leon’s standing in the kitchen by Emillia’s bottle warmer. He looks stupid hot holding a baby and Connor’s only mildly annotated about it.

“Hey,” he flashes Connor a bright smile when he notices Connor’s presence, “Can you hold her while I make her a bottle?”

“Sure,” He takes Emilia from Leon before sliding the dimmer down on the light switch. Her eyes slowly open in the dim light and her gumless smile warms Connor’s heart.

“Hello sweet girl,” he coos, watching as she somehow wiggles an arm loose from her blanket, “I love you. I hope you had a good morning.”

He doesn’t expect her to answer, obviously, but she does start to open and close her mouth, indicating she's hungry.

“Leo, you’re too slow,” he taunts playfully, watching as Leon carefully measures out the formula, “she’s starving over here.”

“I can only move so fast,” he laughs.

When Leon finally gets Emilia her bottle Connor relaxes into the dining room chair as she eats her lunch.

“How was therapy?”

Connor told you and Leon that he started going when he came home from his session. Connor didn’t divulge everything that happened in his sessions but it felt nice to have someone ask.

“It was good,” he says, leaning over and resting his head on Leon’s shoulder, “I only cried a little this time.”

Leon chuckles, “Does that mean therapy’s working?”

“Probably.”

~~~

Connor can’t help but laugh when he rewatches the interview of Leon talking about Emilia. He manages to somehow be adorable and sarcastic at the same time. You’re settled against his chest with your ipad resting on your lap and he can feel your giggles as Leon gives his short, glib answers to the journalists' annoying questions.

(Congratulations, she’s very cute.

“I know. She is my daughter after all.”

Your girlfriend’s not going to get mad about that comment?

“She’s gonna get mad if you keep asking questions about her newborn.”)

“I can’t believe you haven’t seen this yet,” Connor says as he runs his fingers through your hair.”

“Neither can I,” you giggle as Leon looks into the camera like he’s on the Office.

Leon rolls his eyes as he emerges from the bathroom, now freshly shaven.

“It’s not that funny,” he says.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Leo,” Connor says, gently hooking his fingers in Leon’s chain to pull him down for a kiss, “You’re very funny.”

“Why did you shave?” you say as Leon turns to give you a kiss, “Your beard looked so good.”

“It was also getting super scratchy,” Connor says.

Leon gets under the covers on Connor’s otherside, “Yeah Emilia’s been distracting me from the beard routine.”

You scoff, “the scratch is the best part, Con.”

“Tell that to the scratch marks on my ass,” Connor says without thinking, and then immediately blushes.

You groan, “Don’t talk about anything remotely sexy when my poor vagina is still healing from pushing out a whole watermelon.”

Leon laughs, “Don’t worry, baby, the beard will be back by the time you get your 6 week all clear.”

~~~

(5 weeks later - after your 6 week all appointment)

“Guess what bitches,” you shout as you enter the kitchen, “I can finally have sex again.”

“Mhm,” Leon hums, feigning disinterest, “And what would you like me to do about that?”

“You’re mean and not funny,” you say lightly hip-checking him, “Besides I have two boyfriends for a reason.”

“Yeah about that,” Connor stretches and yawns, “Emilia kept me up last night so I was gonna take a nap.”

You blink, “I will go to Whyte Av and find some rando to screw in a coat closet, don’t fucking test me.”

Leon grabs your hips and pulls you against his body so your back is flush against his chest before walking forward and pressing your hips into the kitchen counter.

“As if I could pass up the opportunity to fuck this sweet little pussy,” he grinds his hips, pushing your hips further into the counter.

“What have you been cleared for?”

“L-light, non-strenous sex.”

Connor laughs, “Boring, but better than nothing.”

“Davo, take her upstairs,” Leon commands so Connor scoops you up and carries you bridal style to the bedroom.

“Wait wait,” you say when they reach the top, “Where’s Emilia.”

“She’s napping in her crib,” Connor says as he drops you onto the bed, “Leo’s gonna check on her before he comes. So you can turn your brain off for a little bit.”

Connor doesn’t wait to hear your answer, just presses his lips to yours. He fels you moan against him. Connor’s hands slide under your shirt, slowly exposing skin. When he gets it over your head he trails his kisses down your body, unhooking your bra as he does. His kisses move in between your breasts to your belly.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs as he kisses your belly button, “you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

He hooks his fingers on your shorts, pulling them down your legs. He settles himself on the bed as he spreads your legs to press kisses to your inner thigh.

“Perfect,” Connor says, lightly nipping at the sensitive skin.

The tiny hitch of your breath causes all of his blood to rush straight to his dick, but he can’t bring himself to care. He takes his time, warming you up with kisses to your inner thighs, gently scraping his teeth against the skin. He kisses your pussy before running his tongue through your folds. His tongue gently caresses your clit with his tongue. Your hand comes down in his hair when he sucks your clit into his mouth. Your hips start to move against his face, grinding down to give yourself more friction.

“So impatient,” he hums, fucking one finger in you.

“It’s been six whole weeks,” you say,  “I haven’t gone six weeks without sex since I was a virgin.”

Connor chuckles, “Easy baby, we’ll get there.”

~~~

Connor can’t help himself when he sees you changing Emilia’s onesie in her nursery. He walks up behind you, wraps his arms around your waist and rests his head on your shoulder.

“Good morning,” he says, planting a kiss on your cheek, “And good morning to the world’s most adorable baby.”

Emilia gurgles but doesn’t retort. Smh, someone needs to teach her how to be humble.

“Morning,” you reply, buttoning up her fresh onesie, “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” he responds with another kiss, “Except when you kicked me in my ribs.”

“I take offense to that,” you raise an eyebrow, “I am an angel in bed. And, yes, pun intended.”

Connor snorts, “We both know that's a lie.”

Both Connor and Leon have been victims of your aggressive sleeping style. One of these days he’s gonna tie all your limbs down, and not in a sexy way. But not in a murderous way either, let’s make that clear. In a Connor-wants-one-singular-night-to-not-get-punched-in-his-sleep way.

Oh god, his brain is rambling. Oh god, he does not want to do this.

“(Y/N),” he says before he can talk himself out of it, “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”

“About what?” you ask, holding Emilia close as you sit down in the rocking chair.

“I…” Connor has never been this sweaty in his life, “I want another baby.”

“Oh,” you say, indifferent, “Congratulations.”

His brow furrows, “what?”

“On growing a uterus,” you arch an eyebrow, “Because I sure as hell am not using mine again for like 3 years.”

Connor laughs, “I wasn’t saying right away. But, I just want to know if it’s something on the table.”

“I want another baby,” you say, “And as long as you’re willing to wait, I don’t see why it would be an issue.”

~~~

And Connor definitely feels lighter after his talk with you. And he even impresses Sophie by actually doing his homework for once:

“So did you talk to Leon yet?” She asks after he’s finished giving his rundown of his week.

“No,” he says sheepishly, “But I did talk to (Y/N) about having another baby.”

She has the professionalism to not look shocked, but Connor is getting a little better at reading her. Or at least he thinks he is. He still gets anxious whenever she writes things on her notepad, “and how did that go?”

“Honestly, it was better than I expected.”

“How so?”

He shrugs, “I guess I was just expecting the worst?”

“And why is that?”

He shrugs again, “Isn’t that something that you’re supposed to figure out when you psychoanalyze me at the beginning of every session?”

Sophie throws her head back in laughter, “You do know I can’t read your mind right.”

It sure feels like she can sometimes. Which is why he pays her but still, it’s rude. ~~~

Connor thought he was sweaty and anxious before talking to you. However, when it comes time to talk to Leon he also feels nauseous. Like, he might throw up in the kitchen sink again nauseously. But he’s been sitting on this for a few months now - but what if Leon hates him. What if he doesn't want to be with Connor anymore. What if he asks for a trade?

No, Connor’s spiraling. Leon’s a rational person; he's not gonna hate Connor for talking about his feelings, something Leon encourages because Connor tends to bottle things up until he explodes.

But what if-

No. No spiraling, yet.

“Leo,” Leon hums against Connors chest from his spot on the couch next to him, “You still awake?”

“Yeah,” he says quietly, “But I was thinking about going upstairs soon.”

Connor shuts the TV off, “Um, actually before that can we...talk?”

Leon sits up and stretches, “What about?”

Connor takes a deep breath, “I think - I think I’m mad at you?”

Leon looks a little confused, and Connor can’t say he blames him, “You think you’re mad at me?”

“I-yeah,” he takes another breath, “I know you’ve been trying really hard to reconcile with (Y/N), and that’s great, and I’m definitely not trying to say I take priority over her, but it kind of feels like you’ve put me on the backburner a bit.”

Leon nods, “How so?”

Connor shrugs, “I mean, when you came back and you apologized it was definitely pointed towards her. And it’s the little things, like you always make what (Y/N) wants for dinner and not me. It feels a little bit like there’s a hierarchy here.”

“Do you...feel this way with (Y/N) too?”

“A little bit,” he says, “But mostly with things concerning Emilia, so it’s not as big of an issue.”

Connor realized he feels a bit…scorned, for lack of a better word. Connor was with you first, and that’s not something he feels jealous about but now it’s all coming up. Connor never left you, Connor was the one who held back your hair and wiped your tears when Leon was MIA. Connor was there, Leon left.

...maybe he did need to talk to you some more.

~~~

Connor and Leon spend a long time talking on the couch before they join you in bed. Eventually, Leon puts his head in Connor’s lap as the conversation turns mundane and they just enjoy each other’s presence. It’s been a while since they’ve done that. They end the night with a little make out session that doesn’t lead anywhere more. It was nice.

The next morning Connor’s on baby duty. Not that he minds, it’s always nice to start his day with a smile from Emilia. He changes her diaper and puts a fresh sleeper on her, listening to the little baby noises she makes. When he’s finished he takes her downstairs to the kitchen where you and Leon are making breakfast.

“Good morning, babe,” Leon says when Connor turns the corner, “Do you want strawberries or blueberries on your french toast?”

Leon was making his favourite breakfast. Connor can’t stop the smile from spreading on his face.

“And how’s my favourite girl?” he asks, giving Emilia a little kiss on her forehead.

“A pooping machine,” Connor responds to her, and Emilia laughs at him.

“Did she just-?” you get from your spot on the barstool and run to Connor’s side.

“Her first laugh?” Connor says, “Yeah.”

He tickles her belly in an effort to get her to keep laughing, but she chooses that moment to be a stubborn newborn and frowns instead.

He looks at Leon, “She is absolutely your baby.”

“I smiled when I was a baby!”

“No, Leo he’s got a point,” you say in between funny faces, “your mom said she has one baby photo of you smiling because you would refuse to smile for the camera.”

“I was shy.”

“You’re a robot,” Connor says.

“Like you’re one to talk,” you scoff.

~~~

“Connor please,” you pant, “I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

Connor holds back a laugh, watching the sweat drip down your face, “I thought this is what you wanted?”

“Leo!,” you yell, catching his attention from across the room, “Tell Connor he’s being an ass.”

Leon does not hold back his laugh, “He’s got a point.”

“I can’t believe I’m getting bullied right now.”

Connor wraps his arms around you and pulls you close into his body, “It’s just some squats, baby, it’s not the end of the world.”

“It is when you keep adding weight!”

“Because you’re stronger.”

You just stare at him and, honestly, Connor feels a little scared.

“Tell you what,” he leans down so he can whisper in your ear, “If you make it through your sets, without complaining, Leo and I will take turns eating you out tears run down your pretty little face.”

“Promise?” you hold out your pinky.

Emilia’s being babysat by her grandparents so Connor feels no qualms when he links his pinky with yours, “Promise.”

“Promise what?” Leon pipes up from his place on the leg press.

“Connor offered up your body in exchange for squats,” you say, shouldering the bar once more.

“And what did Connor say I would do?”

“You’ll find out,” Connor says, waving a hand at Leon nonchalantly.

“I don’t even get to know how I’m being used as a bargaining chip?”

“Nope,” Connor says with a smile, popping the ‘p’.

~~~

Leon learns what the exact terms and conditions are of the agreement about an hour later. And, just like Connor expected, he does not complain.

He even has the audacity to wink at Connor as he’s tongue-deep in pussy. Ugh, he forgot what the butterflies in his stomach felt like when he’s not constantly annoyed with Leon. He can’t help himself, he gets up from where he was giving his jaw a break, and slides his fingers over Leon’s hole. Leon tenses up ever so slightly, he breaks the momentum he had on you, evident by how hard your ankles are digging into Leon’s shoulders.

“Don’t stop,” Connor grunts, slipping one digit past the rim, “You don’t cum until she does.”

He slides his finger all the way before uncapping the lube and lathering his fingers up and adding a second. Connor knows when he hits Leon’s prostate when He lets out a low groan into your cunt.

“Fuuuuuuck,” you whine, writhing against the sheets.

Leon pushes back on Connor’s fingers at the same time your hips start to grind down feverishly on Leon’s face.

“Make her cum, Leo,” Connor says, removing his fingers from Leon’s ass and teasing his hole once more.

Leon’s focus changes completely. His fingers dig into your hipbones, pulling you closer to him so he has a better angle. Your chest is rising and falling quickly, heaving off the bed when Leon finally sucks your clit. You cum with a shout, tumbling over the edge, pussy clenching around Leon’s tongue.

Connor wastes no time, grabbing Leon’s hips to steady him before spreading Leon's cheeks and swiping his tongue in long, broad strokes. Connor’s not the biggest fan of rimming, but Leon loves it. Leon groans as Connor teases him, starts to rut against the bed when Connor’s tongue dips into his hole, loses it when Connor starts to fuck him open with his tongue. He reaches over to jack Leon off, pumping him as he continues to take him apart. Leon goes limp beneath him, reduced to nothing but moans. Connor speeds up his ministries, revealing in the way Connor’s name falls weakly from Leon’s mouth. Leon bucks hard against the bed, cums with a shudder. Connor takes his hand off Leon's cock, and places it on his own but doesn’t quite relent on his tongue, working Leon through the aftershocks' pleasure. It doesn’t take very long for Connor to cum, finally letting up on Leon and effectively ruining his boxers.

“Aw Leo,” Connor says once he can catch his breath, “We have to watch the duvet cover now.”

~~~

“Where is my baby?” Connor teases playfully when you walk through the door, baby carrier in hand.

“Calm your tits,” you say, placing the carrier on the kitchen counter and allowing Connor to take her out, “She’s home, and just woke up from a nap.”

“I wish I took a nap today,” Connor says as he rocks Emilia in his arms. She gives Connor a toothless smile and Connor just wants to smoosh her.

“Has anyone ever told you, you look really good holding a baby?” Leon says, giving Connor a quick peck on the cheek.

“Good enough to have another baby?” Connor asks.

You roll your eyes, “Two years, Con.”

“I’m just teasing.”

And, yeah, Connor finally starts to feel like he’s home again.

[yeah-all-of-it]

I’ve had this headcanon for awhile now about Ian and Mickey starting a family and since I’m becoming more comfortable with writing, I thought I’d turn it into a fic. Enjoy!

A Life Changing Gift

“Debs, are you sure you understand what you’re offering right now?,” Ian questions, feeling a bit skeptical.

It is Debbie after all. Sometimes she’s perfectly pleasant and reasonable, other times she can be a raging bitch. But, she is his sister and he can’t imagine her offering something this monumental only to renege after they’ve gotten their hopes up. And she’s definitely mellowed out since they didn’t end up selling the house and she didn’t have to find a new place to live.

Ian and Debbie are sitting at the kitchen table in the Gallagher house. She had called him over to look at a cut Franny had gotten playing in the backyard. Wasn’t sure if it needed stitches and thought Ian could use his past medical training to check it out. In reality, it was barely a scratch. Ian should have known at that point Debbie was up to something, especially when she invited him to stay for coffee.

“Ian, I’ve been thinking a long time about this. Came up with the idea months ago but wanted to be completely sure before I said anything,” Debbie explains.

“Yeah, but, Debbie. This is fuckin’ huge. Think about how hard it’ll be on you-“

“I’ve already thought about all that shit, Ian. I’ve been through it before, you know. It’s really not that bad,” Debbie assures him.

Debbie seems sincere. Like she’s really considered every angle, every downside, upside, and in-between. He’s trying to keep his excitement reined in because he still has to convince Mickey that this is a good idea, which could be easier said than done.

“Listen,” Debbie says. “You don’t have to say anything now. Go home, talk it over with Mickey. You can even bring him over here and we can all talk about it if you want. No pressure.”

They both stand from the table and Ian goes to give her a hug.

“Wait, what the fuck are you doing?” Debbie jokes. “Thought you hated me and that we don’t do hugs anymore.” She laughs, and Ian knows she’s remembering how tense things were a year ago when she thought she’d be homeless and alone and she lashed out at all her siblings.

“Would you just fuckin’ come here?” Ian smiles warmly and holds his arms out.

She steps into his embrace and he just holds his little sister. Sometimes he still likes to imagine her as that sweet little girl that was always helping people. Always loving people, sometimes so much she would get hurt. It would kill him to see the tears in her eyes.

Sometimes, he sees glimpses of that caring little girl in the jaded woman she’s become. Like when she pretended to be the bride at his wedding; staying in the kitchen, missing the whole ceremony, just so he and Mickey could get married without any problems from the homophobes at the venue. And now, when she’s offering this selfless and life changing gift to them.

Ian whispers into her hair, hair that’s the same vibrant shade of red as his own, “I don’t even know what to say, Debs. Just… thank you.”

Debbie gives him one more big squeeze before pulling away. “You’re welcome. Now, go home and convince your husband to let me have his baby.”

———

“No fuckin’ way, NO fuckin’ way!” Mickey exclaims. “No way am I bangin’ your little sister.”

Mickey hops up on the counter, takes a long chug of the Old Style in his hand.

“Mick,” Ian sighs, leaning up against the opposite counter. “That’s not how it works. You would basically jerk off in a cup and she’d use a turkey baster, in the privacy of her own room,” he emphasizes,” to… place the sperm where they need to go.”

“Don’t you need like, a doctor or some shit to do that?” Mickey asks incredulously.

“Well, you can use a doctor but it’s expensive. This way is free,” Ian clarifies.

Mickey is clearly churning the idea around in his brain. Finally speaks.

“I thought we were just gonna like, find a fuckin’ kid that didn’t have parents or somethin’.”

“We can do that too, one day. Ya know, if we like the first one enough to do it again,” Ian says lightheartedly, slight grin, trying to calm Mickey.

Ian steps toward Mickey, placing his hips between Mickey’s knees, resting his hands on his thighs, rubbing softly.

Ian continues. “Think about it though, Mick. This baby would be us, you and me. It’s the closest we can get since we don’t exactly have the right stuff to do it on our own. He or she would have your DNA and, through Debbie, a little of mine too.”

Mickey beams at this, wraps his arms around his husband’s shoulders. “It would be kinda fun to have a little version of us runnin’ around,” Mickey admits. “You know a kid that’s part Milkovich and part Gallagher is bound to be a little shit though, right?” Mickey jokes, smiling at the thought.

“Oh, I’m counting on it,” Ian quips, leaning in and planting a sweet kiss on his smiling husband’s lips.

Ian pulls back from the kiss and asks seriously, “So. Do you wanna do this?”

“Yeah. Yeah I do. What about you?” Mickey questions.

“Fuck yeah, I do. Let’s call Debs right now.”

———

“I’ve done a lot of research about this. You guys know it might not work on the first try right? Don’t want you to be frustrated or disappointed if it doesn’t work this month. Doesn’t mean it won’t ever work, but it can take a little time,” Debbie explains.

They are sitting in the Gallagher living room the day they are making their first attempt at insemination.

“Yeah, we know, Debs. Don’t worry,” Ian replies. “We’re not in a hurry.”

“Okay, good. Keeping your expectations reasonable is good,” she says. “I’ve also been tracking my basal body temperature and took an ovulation test, so today is my most fertile da-“

Mickey interrupts, “Thanks, Dr. Gallagher, but we don’t need all the gory details. Now where do I jerk off? Hey Ian, you gonna gimme a hand, man?” Mickey clicks his tongue and bounces his eyebrows playfully.

“Ugh, no gory details, right? Let’s just keep all the personal shit to ourselves okay?” Debbie requests.

“Yeah, this is already awkward enough. Don’t need to make it weirder,” Ian agrees and eyes Mickey scoldingly.

Ian and Mickey are forced to go into the bathroom because Lip and Tami live there now and their old bedroom is now Fred and the baby’s room. They’re not home but it would be uncomfortable seeing Fred’s little toddler bed, his stuffed animal collection staring at them while Mickey gets off. So, bathroom it is.

“Listen, Mickey,” Ian explains. “I’ll help, but we are keeping this clinical. Short and sweet. We can fuck at home later for fun; this needs to be done with a purpose, a goal. Debbie’s waiting.”

“Ugh, Jesus, man, why you gotta bring up Debbie? Doesn’t exactly make this process easier to think of her waiting in her room to squir-“

“Okaaayy, focus Mick,” Ian interrupts before that sentence goes any further.

Ian yanks down Mickey’s pants and gets to work. He knows exactly how Mickey likes it to make him come quickly. It works and Mickey finishes into the bulb of the turkey baster in record time.

Ian wipes off the edges and walks it to Debbie’s room, knocking on the door. She opens it just enough to stick her arm out and Ian places the bulb in her hand. Ian hears her say, “Uh, you guys can go home. I’ll text you later,” and shuts the door.

On their way back to the Westside, Ian’s phone dings. He picks it up and reads the text from Debbie out loud. “Transfer is complete.”

“What now?” Mickey asks.

“We wait,” Ian answers.

———

“It should have worked by now, right?” Mickey asks, an edge of concern in his voice. “I mean, it’s been almost 4 months. What if like, my fuckin’ swimmers don’t work or somethin’?”

Ian tries to calm Mickey down, rubbing his arm that’s slung across Ian’s belly. It’s midnight and they really should be asleep but Mickey’s spiraling over the whole surrogacy thing.

“Mick, this is normal. We knew it could take awhile. There’s no need to freak out yet,” Ian assures. “What’s all this about, anyway? All the worry.”

“Just… I know it took a long time for me to even wanna have kids. Then you had to convince me to do this shit, to be okay with Debbie carrying my baby. Fuck, that still sounds creepy as hell. But anyway, I know I wasn’t on board with everything at first, but now? Ian, I’m so fuckin’ excited to have a baby with you. To be a dad with you. It’s just hard to wait, that’s all. And then I think… what if it doesn’t happen? What if this whole plan just fuckin’ fails? Then what?”

“Then, we come up with another plan,” Ian assures. “I wanna raise kids with you too, Mickey, so fuckin’ much. I wanna give them the childhood we never got to have. I wanna take them to the beach with you, I want us to play blocks on the living room floor, and read bedtime stories together. All that shit. It’ll happen, Mickey. One way or another, we’ll make it happen.”

Ian snuggles Mickey closer, kisses him on the top of the head, and they fall asleep in each other’s arms.

They are woken up by Ian’s obnoxious ringtone at 6:00 am, well before they have to be up for work.

“Who the fuck is calling this goddamn early? Better be fuckin’ important,” Mickey grumbles while rubbing his eyes.

It’s Debbie.

“Hey, Debs!” Ian says with fake cheerfulness, still half asleep. “What’s up?”

“There’s two lines!” she screams on the other end of the phone.

“Okay?” Ian replies.

“There’s TWO lines!” she repeats, emphasizing the word two.

“I don’t know what the fuck that means, Debs. Two lines where?” Ian questions.

“On the pregnancy test, dipshit! It’s positive! I’m pregnant!” she yells.

Ian bolts upright in bed. Mickey grumbles “what the fuck” under his breath, eyes still half closed.

“Holy fuck! It’s positive?” Ian exclaims. “It worked?

Mickey’s up now too. “What the fuck did you just say?”

“Debs! Thank you! I love you! I’ll call you back later!” Ian says, unable to hold in his excitement.

He hangs up the phone. Turns and looks at Mickey. “It worked. She’s pregnant,” Ian practically whispers, unable to believe it. Ian sees tears well up in Mickey’s eyes and, for only the second time Ian has ever witnessed, they spill out onto his cheeks.

———

“Damn, you look like a beached whale, Debbie,” Mickey observes.

Debbie gives him a dirty look but chooses to keep her mouth shut.

She’s a week past her due date so they are at the clinic today to make sure everything is good. Debbie is up on the table and Ian and Mickey are sitting in the two available chairs when the doctor comes in.

“Hi, Debbie! Hi, Dads!” she says cheerfully. “So we are going to measure your belly and do a quick ultrasound just to make sure your amniotic fluid looks good.” Mickey grimaces at the term “amniotic fluid”. “I’ll have her back in a jiffy, guys!” the doctor says as she whisks Debbie out of the room.

They spent the last 6 months getting everything they needed for their new baby. Tami even threw them a shower where they got clothes, bottles, a swing, a carseat, and about a billion diapers. They decorated the nursery in light gray bedding with tiny white stars. Gender neutral because they want to be surprised. They have everything ready, all they need is the baby who is taking its sweet time.

Around 20 minutes has passed when the doctor pokes her head in the door.

“Sooo, I have some news. Debbie’s water broke while we were doing her ultrasound and her contractions started coming really fast. From what I’ve been told, her first delivery was pretty quick so we’re transporting her to the hospital just down the road, just to be safe. You are welcome to head over there now. I will be delivering so I’ll see you guys there!” and her head pops out as quickly as it appeared.

Ian and Mickey just look at each other, stunned. Finally Mickey regains his senses and breaks the silence. “Well, let’s fuckin’ go!”

They finally make it to the OB floor after a couple wrong turns inside the hospital. A nurse points them to Debbie’s room and they walk in when she’s in the middle of a pretty intense contraction. Once it subsides, she greets them and informs the epidural is on its way.

Once it’s been administered and Debbie is blissfully pain free, she asks, “Do you guys want to be in the delivery room?”

They both look at each other. “I hadn’t really thought about it,” Ian replies.

“Fuck, no,” Mickey says. “I don’t wanna see that shit.”

“Mick, you don’t have to watch. We can stand up by her head. Hold her hand. Be supportive since she’s bringing our baby into this world.” Ian turns to Debbie. “Are you sure you don’t mind? We understand if you want to keep things private.”

“Ian. I gave birth to Franny on our kitchen table in front of… like, everyone. Kev saw my vagina. V saw my vagina. Fuckin’ Sean saw my vagina. Trust me, I don’t care if you two are in the room.”

Ian looks at Mickey. “Fuck… fine. We can be in there,” Mickey relents.

A nurse comes in to check Debbie and informs her she’s 100% effaced and 10cm dilated. It’s go time. Things move at a quick pace after that. More nurses come in, turning on extra lights, bringing in supplies, wheeling in the heated bassinet.

Ian and Mickey stand side by side to Debbie’s left, Ian holding her hand, while she pushes. It’s fast. She only pushes for ten minutes before they hear cries and the doctor’s holding the baby in her hands, declaring, “it’s a girl!”

The next thing they know, a nurse is throwing a clean blanket over Mickey’s chest, and another nurse walks over and places the baby, his daughter, in his arms, blood, vernix, and all. Ian expects him to be grossed out but Mickey just stares in awe at this beautiful baby. This baby that looks like him in the face, but has a head of red hair.

Ian steps up to Mickey and wraps an arm around his shoulders, placing his other under Mickey’s arms that are holding their daughter. There is not a dry eye in the room. Ian and Mickey are crying, Debbie is crying, even the doctor and nurses are crying.

The next hour or so is spent getting the baby, and Debbie, cleaned up and dressed. They take the baby and run the normal tests and give her a vitamin k shot.

Once Debbie is in a room, the nurse brings the baby in to her dads. Ian sits in the rocking chair snuggling her while she sleeps and Mickey is right next to them.

Debbie just gazes at this new little family from her spot in bed. “So,” she finally says. “What are you naming her?”

Ian and Mickey just smile at each other before Ian responds, “Debbie, meet Margaret Laura Gallagher-Milkovich. Maggie for short.”

Debbie’s eyes tear up. “You guys gave her my middle name?”

Mickey surprisingly fields this question. “We wanted her to be named after the person that’s responsible for her bein’ here. For helping’ create her for us. I know I give you a lotta shit, but I love ya, and I appreciate the fuck outta you, Debbie.”

“Aww, Mickey, I love yo-“ she begins before being interrupted.

“Don’t get fuckin’ used to it. I’m emotional today,” he snaps with feigned grumpiness. Then smiles at her.

They let Debbie snuggle her for a bit before being released by the pediatrician to take her home. Thankfully they had already installed the infant seat in their car so they were prepared.

They walk through the door of their apartment 30 minutes later. Ian sets the carrier down and picks the baby up out of it, snuggling her tiny body to his chest before passing her off to Mickey.

“I’m not sure what you were so worried about, you’re a natural, Mickey,” Ian says as he gazes at his handsome husband tenderly cradling their beautiful baby girl.

They walk over to the sofa and sit down, thinking about the whirlwind of a day. Not knowing when they got up this morning to take Debbie to the clinic that by evening, they’d be holding their daughter in their arms.

Ian wraps Mickey’s shoulders with his arm, places his hand on their swaddled baby and says, “Welcome home, Maggie Gallagher-Milkovich. Your dads love you so much.”

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I thought that was a good pair of Casualty episodes! I didn’t catch who wrote the second one, but the first one was a Katie Douglas ep, so I suppose it’s no surprise I enjoyed it. She’s one of Casualty’s/Holby’s most under-appreciated writers, if you ask me.

So. Without further ado, my thoughts on the first ep:

It was lovely to see Lev happy for once. Although, unfortunately, his happiness only lasted for about 5 minutes. It’s been so, so nice seeing Lev finally get some semblance of focus though, after months and months of all the focus being put on ~poor little Faith~ or whatever. Faith wasn’t even in this first episode. Lev actually got to be in the spotlight. Now THAT’S the content we deserve, if you ask me. Also, I know it’s unprofessional or whatever but personally I’m all in favour of Lev being in his ‘punching homophobes’ era.

This applies to both episodes, but I’ll say it here: I thought the writing for Lev and Xander’s relationship was pretty well done, too. And Uriel Emil has undoubtedly proved that he is NOT the kind of straight male actor who looks like they’re mentally cringing the whole time whenever they have to do any vaguely romantically intimate scene with a man. Thank god. We have enough of that kind of straight male actor on the soaps already. Good on Uriel for just going for it.

Is the actor who plays Xander queer or not IRL, does anyone know? I know Uriel is straight, but IDK about this dude (whose name I don’t remember). I felt he was a bit less believable, but maybe he’s just not the best actor (no offence to him).

The patient storyline with that woman and the guy who always jogged past her house was wild. I loved it. In a real-world context I don’t think their interactions and the way they actually met would be very healthy to build a friendship/relationship from, but it made very entertaining drama, so I was satisfied.

Aaand Ethan’s Huntington’s is starting. Poor bloke. I’m not even much of an Ethan fan, but no one deserves to suffer from a disease like that. :(

The reveal that Ethan had been keeping a diary of his early symptoms, that this wasn’t the first time they’d shown up, actually caught me off guard. I was not expecting that at all. It was a very emotionally hard-hitting scene. And him pushing Fenisha away because he felt that he’d eventually end up just becoming a burden on her, and that she’d be happier with Matthew, was so very sad.

I hope Casualty handle this storyline well. I know they worked with a Huntington’s charity for the original storyline with Ethan and Cal 5 years ago - hopefully they’ve consulted them again for this.

Thoughts on the second episode:

So, Ethan’s Huntington’s is one of two big long-running issue stories starting this summer. That kicked off in the first episode tonight.

In this ep, we got the start of Jacob’s big storyline, the one they’ve been hyping for months. And as I guessed, it does indeed look set to be a coercive control storyline with him and Tina. She was angry at him for even talking to other women. She threatened to leave him if he didn’t do what she wanted. And she deliberately got herself hurt to make Jacob pity her and let her move in. Those are all classic red flags of an emotionally abusive partner.

I do wish Casualty had thought about the fact that Tina is (unless I’ve forgotten someone) currently the only Black woman on the show before they did this. It particularly looks bad when we’ve had Faith - a white woman - being abusive to Lev recently, too, but that behaviour wasn’t treated as abuse, it was treated as sympathetic. If there were another Black female character who was portrayed more positively, and if Faith’s behaviour had been treated as abusive too, I wouldn’t have a problem with this.

Other than those issues - which are more about the context the storyline is happening in, rather than the story itself - I think it’s very brave of Casualty to do this storyline. There’s very little recognition that men can be victims in abusive relationships, or that women can be abusers, and bringing awareness to this issue is a good thing. And I think picking Jacob, who’s often shown as one of the more “manly” men on the show, to get this story was a very good idea too - it shows that even men who society deems “too strong to be victims” can, in fact, be victimised.

I just hope, like with Ethan’s storyline, that they handle this right.

Faith continues to be a hypocrite, as per usual. She’s here telling Lev “you can’t go around punching people!” when you can’t go around trying to force your husband to sleep with you to “prove he’s not gay” either, but she still did! And she’s here telling Xander “you need to understand that Lev grew up in a culture where you’re not allowed to be gay” like she’s been understanding of that (which she hasn’t). Sighhh.

The patient storyline, with the man with Parkinson’s and his girlfriend, was pretty interesting. I thought the male actor (I don’t know either of their names...) wasn’t great, tbh, but the actress playing the girlfriend was very good. This guest story also gave us an excuse to see Dylan again, even if only briefly, which was nice because he kind of disappeared these last few weeks.

Don’t have much to say about Robyn and the new receptionist guy, or about whatever’s going on with Charlie, as I’m not particularly interested in either of their characters. Also, this post is pretty long already. So I’ll let this be the conclusion to my review. :)

[herohotline]

Can I please have a Shigaraki who's dating a male s/o that's part of the LoV but has to break it off because of All For One disapproving (either bc he's homophobic or thinks the s/o is too moral or doesn't want Shigaraki to be distracted from his goal)? Maybe with the s/o trying to leave bc they don't want to get Tomura in any trouble while Shigaraki insists that he should stay??? Sorry if it's too specific

A/N: yes yes yes! I hope that I wrote this well- I’m not sure how I feel abt it just yet, so I suppose the notes will tell me if it’s good or not! Might rewrite and try again if it doesn’t hit. It’s not exactly what you requested, i’ll admit, but it has some elements??? So if I have to rewrite it one day then that’s okay jfdhgjg

— — — 

What made you fall in love with a man like Shigaraki? On the outside, he was villainous, cold, immature, and harsh. A man like Shigaraki fights very hard to be in control and not let anyone come close to him- but things have a tendency to happen naturally over working with each other over a long period of time.

Though he doesn’t show it often, he cares for the entire League. It might be minimal, and his way of caring for others might be a little twisted and considered abnormal, but Shigaraki has his own way of doing a lot of things. And even if it wasn’t the way that people normally loved friends and family- at least he still cared for the League at all.

And he cared for you, too.

It was hard to tell at first, especially since your relationship started out rocky. You weren’t the most evil type- you had fallen into the villain category over reasons of ‘justice’ rather than ‘revenge’ or even just a thirst for blood. You didn’t like the feeling or thought of hurting innocent people- and that’s why you didn’t attack the innocent.

You helped the League when you felt it was right to do so. You wanted justice- you wanted society to change and be a more fair, even world for everyone to live in. And if this was the way to do it… then this is the way you would do it. But only when your heart found it just to do so.

Shigaraki was disgusted by you at the start. The fact that you sounded like a typical, roundabout hero from around the block made him despise you. But his feelings about you were trivial since All for One thought you were essential to their cause because of your tactical thinking and useful quirk. Shigaraki’s feelings about you were negatively intense, but nothing that would make you run away.

Though he hated you, you never hated Shigaraki. You could tell right after meeting the League leader that this man- this boy- was wildly manipulated and truly naive. He was being used. You knew you couldn’t change this- you couldn’t help him, not with the way things are right now. But the least you could do was treat him fairly even when he spit in your direction.

Eventually, he asked with an angry tone why you didn’t lash out on him. Why were you always so calm? Why won’t you at least fight back?

You told him that you weren’t here to make more enemies than you needed to. You said that you didn’t want to be enemies with him, but allies.

He rolled his eyes at your answer, saying that you were already allies, whether he liked it or not. But you noticed how he changed his tune around you after that. The two of you became closer from everything you experienced in the League- all the missions, all the close calls, all the trials and tribulations.

It was a rush of pure adrenaline after a successful raid against heroes that made you kiss Shigaraki for the first time- and you were lucky this even worked, considering his face was usually covered by dead hands. He was, of course, caught off guard and somehow offended that you would do such a thing. The kiss only lasted a second before he jumped away from you and cursed at you for being disgusting and disrespectful to your leader.

Such a harsh rejection would have discouraged you if you didn’t already know how Shigaraki worked. You knew, that once he had time to let what you did sink in, he’d either reject you normally or hopefully come and accept your advances.

Which- he sort of did. Quietly at night, he sneaked into your room, and basically told you he had no idea what your intentions were- what his intentions were. He didn’t know a thing about romance, especially anything about romance with another man, and he doesn’t like not knowing things.

(This was a summary of what he said to you- the actual version of it had a lot more petty insults, sarcastic comments, and harsh words mixed in)

That same night, in order to help him understand, you told him your feelings for him and how to kiss someone. You taught him everything you could about what love and affection feels like- what it looks like. And over the course of that night, the two of you secretly grew closer.

It took a few months until Shigaraki eventually stopped caring about the anxiety of being with another person. After kissing you, loving you, and feeling at least somewhat confident in your relationship, it wasn’t really a secret from the League anymore.

The League reacted in an expected way. No one cared that the two of you were men- some of them had already figured out you were together, and others just didn’t care (also known as Dabi). After that, it was a common sight to see the two of you kissing, your hand wrapped around Shigaraki, or having him sit on your lap. Shigaraki really could care less about being worried over PDA- he was too touch starved to care, really. Not like you minded at all- you were just happy to be with him and provide your leader and lover with comfort and a stable person to rely on.

Throughout your relationship, it wasn’t uncommon for you to try and pry things from him if he was willing. It took a lot of coaxing, a lot of convincing, but eventually, he began to open up. And you loved him even more for it.

One evening after you had slept together, you got into the topic of his hands that he wore. “Why do you wear them?” You asked. It was a simple enough question.

“Because I have to,” he replied.

“Why?”

“Because… Because I have to,” he said again, as if confused that wasn’t a good enough answer. As you often did, you tried to elaborate for him to get him to understand what you meant.

“Well… how do they make you feel, when you wear them? What do they do?”

Surprisingly, Shigaraki actually thinks about his answer as he taps his fingers on your naked chest. “…They keep my mind dark. Focused. They remind me of what I’ve done, and what I need to do. They ground me… to the past.”

You hum at his answer, one of your hands moving to stroke and play with his strands of light colored hair. “…And how do you feel without them?”

“Like I can breathe,” he says much quicker this time. “Like I can see what’s right in front of me. Without the hands… I don’t feel as heavy.”

“And isn’t that better?” You ask him, quietly in his ear as you look into his eyes. “Isn’t this better?”

After that night, he begins to wear the hands around his face, throat, and arms less and less. He begins to think clearly like he couldn’t before- it’s almost as if the longer he lives without them, the more he becomes a different kind of person. Granted, he’s more anxious than before, but he’s also more empathetic, considerate, and puts more time and thought into his plans with the League instead of acting hasty and impatient.

And this development doesn’t go unnoticed by All for One.

All For One… Technically, you were hired by him, and technically, you were a villain. But you never liked that man. He seemed to so easily manipulate those around him, including Shigaraki, and it was clear that he was evil to his very core.

He did not fight heroes and cause chaos for anything other than the sake of doing it. He didn’t do it for a sense of justice, personal gain, revenge…

All for One loved to create chaos and he loved to be in the eye of the storm, plain and simple.

And the fact that you were ruining his plans, ruining his problem child who was doing all the dirty work for him- the fact that you were corrupting his broken mind with morals and a sense of ease- well, All for One didn’t like that at all.

All for One, though, wasn’t one for simply showing up at the bar you hid out in, giving out orders. He worked a bit more slyly than that, of course. So, instead, he had a private conference over his little television and intercom with Shigaraki when no one else was around.

When you weren’t around.

“How are things going? I’ve noticed you haven’t made any moves against the heroes recently…” His voice is smooth and even, his broken face shadowed and hidden by the darkness in the room. “Is there anything else you need?” He offers.

Shigaraki stares at the screen in front of him clearly. He isn’t wearing the hands of past regrets like usual- and it gives him an uneasy feeling not to wear them in front of his master. “No, things are running smoothly, for once. We’re just trying to figure out the best way to-“

“We?” All for One interrupts. “Have you started feeling more comfortable with your teammates now? You used to be so stubborn about them…” He chuckles, a dry and halfhearted chuckle that makes Shigaraki inhale shakily.

“They’ve been doing their job,” he says. “It’s better now that we’re all working together. I didn’t like it, but I’ve realized I can’t accomplish our goal all by myself. I need to work harder than that.”

All for One nods. “And how did you come to realize this?”

“Does it matter?” Shigaraki deflects, and his eyes fall away from the screen.

“Will you not answer my question?”

“…My teammates helped me realize this, master. I’m sorry.” The young man frowns as he sees from the minimal light on All for One’s side that his lips break into a grin.

“…___. That is who you mean.” He says knowingly. Shigaraki quickly opens his mouth but his master holds up his hand, making him silent. “I have seen what he’s been doing to you. I think it’s time we had a discussion about our dear ___.”

A cold feeling crawls up Shigaraki’s back, and suddenly he wishes he had his hands- they would cover his face, hide the fact that he’s almost scared right now. But why should he be scared? There’s no reason. How irrational. “What is there to discuss? He’s a good member.”

“Surely, you think so. But he has been corrupting you, young boy. I think it’s time we considered… letting go of him.”

Killing him.

There’s a sense of panic filling Shigaraki as he realizes this, but he can’t show it to All for One. He knows that wouldn’t be wise- he can’t speak too quickly, he can’t act too emotionally. As evenly as he can, he tries to object. “I can’t be so easily corrupted, master. We still need his powers, we can’t-“

“No, I think you can, Tomura.” All for One’s voice raises for the first time during the entire call. It’s minuscule, but Shigaraki hears it. “He has been corrupting you with his mind and his body. He’s been using you, and I cannot allow such things to happen to you. You are too important, Tomura- so you must dispose of him.” The man sighs deeply at Shigaraki’s silence, slowly continuing with a deeper tone. “I am worried for you, Tomura. I only want what is best for you.”

…Does he?

Shigaraki frowns. “Yes, master. I know- I just need to think it over.” He bows slightly at the screen. “I’ll talk to you again soon.”

For the first time, Shigaraki ends the call first, and that action alone has him feel a sense of empowerment.

If you really were changing him, Shigaraki has a feeling that it’s probably for the better. Besides… This is his organization. All for One said as much- he can do as he pleases.

And that means you’re not going anywhere . Not while he can do something about it.

——

“Hey.”

“Oh, hey, Tomura,” You look up at Shigaraki as you lie on your bed. There’s a comic book in your hands as you hold it over your head, your hair messy and knotted from lying on the pillows. Shigaraki observes you silently from your doorway until he walks toward you, toeing off his sneakers before he falls onto your bed and next to you.

You laugh as he tosses and turns until he’s got his head on your chest, looking up at the comic you’re holding. His hands are carefully placed around you in fists, as they usually are when he wants to cuddle with you. “What’s up, Tomura?” You nuzzle your cheek against his shaggy hair and flip a page in your comic.

Shigaraki realizes that he likes it when you say his first name. He was hesitant and felt odd letting you know it at first, and letting you even say it was another hurdle in itself. But after talking with All for One- he likes how you say his name much more than how his master does.

“…Nothing.” He says. “…Where’d you get this?”

“The comic? Twice snatched it for me when him and Toga were raiding for supplies nearby. It was sweet of him to think of me, but I think you’ll like it too.” You look down at him as much as you can, but the position is a little awkward and you can only barely meet his eyes. “Want me to start from the beginning?”

“No,” Shigaraki says and looks back up at the pages. It’s around the middle of the story, not much is left. “Looks like it’s getting interesting.”

You hum and flip another page. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s pretty good where it is right now.”

His arms wrap around you a little tighter as he hums. He agrees with you silently, making his decision without you even knowing what he was deciding as you flip another page.

Things are good right now. Why change that?

[kuiinncedes]

HI JEANNE I AM SO GLAD UR DOING PROMPTS!!! can i prompt general #24 for quinntina with some kuinn friendship maybe pls???? 🥺🥺💞💗💞💗💞💗💞💗

hi rae thanks for prompting!!! <333

General 24 “I haven’t seen (her/him/them) smile in months.”

this got longggg 2796 ish words 👀 (i edited it after pasting into tumblr tho so idk exactly :P) i think this is the longest thing i’ve posted?? i hope it doesn’t suck <3

(also small mention of homophobic parent(s) (mostly quinn’s mom) and just not great parenting... also blood and death mention warning (but like just in conversation?))

i’m like weirdly nervous about this one sdlhgkjf *screams and hits post*

--

“What’s wrong with Tina?”

Kurt gives Quinn a sideways look, fixing his hair in the mirror on his locker. “Tina Cohen Chang? Why are you asking about her?”

Quinn shrugs, trying to play innocent and nonchalant. “I haven’t seen her smile in months.” Because since the beginning of the year, Tina always smiled at her as she walked into their first class and the only one they share, but now she doesn’t, if she even comes to class on time at all.

Kurt looks at her knowingly and Quinn pushes his arm lightly. “Shut up,” she grumbles. “I’m serious.”

“I’ve noticed it, too,” Kurt says after a moment, following Quinn’s gaze to Tina arriving at her locker. They watch as she hurriedly puts some books in her bag and quickly walks off again, head down and giving a wide berth to everyone she passes. 

“Yeah, and that,” Quinn says, “it’s like she’s… scared or something.” She looks at Kurt whose jaw has tightened. Quinn squeezes his arm lightly and he smiles a little at her. 

“I can ask Mercedes,” he says reluctantly as he shuts his locker and they start walking down the hall. “She’d know more than me, but… yeah, I don’t think she’s even been in glee lately.”

Quinn’s barely paying attention and almost runs into another student before Kurt pulls her out of the way. “You know, it’s a little creepy that you noticed this at all,” he teases, a glimmer in his eye, and Quinn elbows him and follows him into their next class.

-

Mercedes doesn’t give them any new information, and then Quinn -- Quinn wants to forget about it, but she can’t. She keeps stealing glances at Tina in the halls, during class, at lunch. She knows Kurt’s right, that it is a little creepy, but… 

They’ve been around each other’s circles since the beginning of high school, and a friendly wave from Tina one morning was the only thing keeping Quinn feeling normal when the least normal thing possible had happened to her the night before. She didn’t have Kurt yet, she barely had any friends because of her work to uphold her status as the ice-cold head Cheerio. Tina was kind to her when she was spiraling after her world had turned upside down and no one was around to support her, to turn it back around. 

So she just wants to know if Tina’s okay. Because of that. No other reason.

-

Quinn gets her chance a week later. 

She doesn’t expect to see Tina today -- she isn’t in English and hadn’t been for a few days. Quinn tries to ignore her growing concern; after all, she still doesn’t actually know anything about Tina’s life.

When Mrs. Harrison splits them off into groups of two for a new project, Quinn is last to pick her partner and everyone else has already paired off.

“Tina’s absent today, I’ll work with her,” Quinn says airily, playing with the end of her ponytail and tapping her pencil on the desk. She acts like she doesn’t care (why would Quinn Fabray have any reaction to getting paired with a relative social nobody for a project?) but part of her is… looking forward to it. Not only because of her persisting concern about what’s going on with Tina, but also because she does genuinely want to spend time with her. So maybe this is her chance.

She tells Kurt about it at his locker between classes and he rolls his eyes and smiles fondly at her. 

It’s the end of the day when Quinn realizes she doesn’t actually have Tina’s number to contact her; it’s too late to ask Kurt or Cedes, she stayed after school to retake a math test and she’s the only one here, as far as she knows.

Except she’s not. There’s another car in the student lot. Quinn glances at it and stops when she realizes someone is sitting in the driver’s seat -- Tina. Before she can talk herself out of it, Quinn walks over and taps on her window. 

Maybe she should’ve talked herself out of it, she thinks as Tina jumps and seems to steel herself before rolling down her window. Quinn smiles a little, apologetically. A wave of warm air comes from inside the car, like Tina’s been blasting the heat even in the relatively warm spring weather.

“Um, hey,” Quinn says awkwardly. “So… you weren’t in English today, but we’re doing a project and you and I are partners.” Her voice goes up at the end as if it’s a question. She’s really doubting this now. Tina looks like she’s sick and she’s gripping the steering wheel and not meeting Quinn’s eyes. “Or…” Quinn clears her throat slightly, putting her head Cheerio, most popular girl in school mask back on. “It’s fine if you don’t. Just tell Mrs. Harrison. I’ll do it myself.”

“No,” Tina says, looking up at her finally, and Quinn thinks there’s something different about her eye color. Her smile is tight and forced. “Sounds good.”

Quinn raises an eyebrow. “You sure? Doesn’t sound like it sounds good.”

Tina clenches her jaw. “Yeah, it’s good, sorry, I’m just tired,” she says in one breath. “Here, I’ll, um -- ” She fumbles with her phone and offers it to Quinn. “Put your number in, I’ll text you.”

Quinn’s fingers brush Tina’s when she takes the phone and she almost jumps at how cold her skin is, despite the warmth emanating from the car. Even Kurt, who runs cold, isn’t nearly this cold to Quinn’s own unnaturally warm body temperature…. Her concern grows and she watches Tina for another moment, who’s closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat. 

“Are you… okay?” Quinn asks hesitantly.

“I’m fine.” 

“Forgive me for saying this? But you… don’t look fine.”

Tina gives her a sideways look. “Yeah, well.” She closes her eyes again.

Quinn enters her number but doesn’t give Tina’s phone back when she’s done. “Hey, seriously, I -- what’s wrong?”

Tina just exhales defeatedly. “I can’t tell you.” 

“Try me.”

She shakes her head.

“Your skin is fucking freezing, you have the heat on high in the car in almost 70-degree weather, you look different and not in a good way. I know -- I know we don’t talk much, Tina, but please, let me help you.” Quinn even surprises herself with the last part. It’s far from the hard facade she hides behind at school in her Cheerios uniform, even though she’s still wearing that right now. 

Tina stays still and silent and Quinn fidgets with her phone. 

“I really don’t know what to do here,” Tina says softly, opening her eyes, glancing at Quinn again then back away. “I literally… have no. Fucking. Clue.” It sounds like she’s talking to herself more than anything and Quinn isn’t sure how to respond.

“Well, I… whatever I can do -- ”

“Have you ever had something… absolutely, absolutely insane happen to you? Like… you would never believe it yourself but it happened to you and you have to fucking deal with it so you have to believe it.” Tina’s breaths come more quickly as she continues, her fists curling tighter around the steering wheel. “And I don’t know how to fucking deal with it, but I fucking have to because -- because I have to and I’m this thing now -- ”

“Hey, Tina, hey, breathe,” Quinn says hurriedly, trying to put a hand on her shoulder but the angle from outside the car window is awkward and she doesn’t know if it would be appreciated. Her mind spins with those words -- you have to believe it, I’m this thing now -- and it’s scarily similar to Quinn’s own thoughts when she first… turned, over three years ago.

But Tina can’t be a werewolf too, her skin… Quinn thinks. Thankfully Tina’s breathing has mostly gone back to normal and she just looks exhausted again, her forehead resting on the steering wheel and hands loose in her lap now. What the fuck. What the fuck am I about to do.

Despite all her instincts and rationale screaming at her not to do it, Quinn says shakily, “I think I get it,” and when Tina turns to look at her, she inhales and says in a whisper, so quiet she’s not sure if Tina can hear, “I’m a werewolf.”

Tina stares and Quinn starts thinking and thinking about how she can take it back, it was a joke, there’s obviously no such thing as werewolves, what the fuck was she saying, what was she thinking revealing this to a near stranger --

“I think… I think I’m technically a vampire.” 

Oh. Quinn stares back at her.

Some of the tension seems to have gone out of Tina’s body. There’s another silence. “Can I trust you?” Tina asks quietly.

“What -- ? I mean, yeah…” Quinn swallows. “Yes, you can. Of course. I think if there’s one person you could trust with this, it’s me.” 

Please trust me.

“Thank you,” Tina whispers, like she just has no energy to speak louder. “I just can’t think right now, I think I need… like, fucking blood, probably, I don’t know…” She looks down at her hands hopelessly. “I think I might be dying.” She laughs humorlessly. “Again, I guess.”

Quinn thinks for a moment, taking in the almost metallic pallor of Tina’s skin and the difference in her irises that she noticed earlier. “How long have you… been a vampire?” 

Is this the answer to what she’s been wondering about?

“A few months, I guess.” (There it is… Quinn wonders if anyone might have noticed something different in her for the months after her first night as a wolf.) “There was another vampire -- nicer than the one who bit me -- ” her voice goes hard and tight on bit -- “who gave me some blood for a while. But I don’t know where they are now. They said they never stayed in one place for a long time. So I guess I’m starving to death. I don’t know.”

“Can’t you, like, get blood… somewhere?”

“I can barely stand talking to you right now, to be honest,” Tina says. “I don’t think I could go near other people right now.”

Right. Quinn curses her complete lack of knowledge on vampires besides that from popular media, which probably doesn’t apply very well to this situation. This feels absolutely ridiculous, though she’s been through weirder herself… still. Her first full moon was a disaster and she doesn’t know how to deal with this either. But… 

“I might be able to help,” she says, standing up straighter and finally handing Tina’s phone back to her. Tina pauses before taking it, as if she forgot about it; Quinn has, too, for the most part. The project is definitely not a priority now. “I know absolutely nothing about vampires,” Quinn continues, “but I have my own needs as a werewolf. I know a place -- it’s where I hunt. Animals.”

Tina seems to wince at the words. Quinn vaguely remembers hearing about how Tina doesn’t eat meat, for the most part. She could probably avoid thinking about it when someone else was getting her blood, but this will be direct. This will be a change.

Quinn presses on. “You need blood. Everything in history about vampires says that -- they can’t all be wrong. Please let me help you.”

“Okay,” Tina says weakly, nodding a little. “Give me the address, or whatever -- ”

“I’m driving you. In this car. And staying with you.” Quinn doesn’t back down as Tina’s eyes snap to hers, and her mouth opens to protest. “Seriously. I’m helping you with this. And you’ll crash the car if you drive yourself.”

Her head falls back against the headrest. “You’re lucky I’m exhausted and dying, Fabray,” she grumbles. She gets out and goes around the front of the car into the passenger seat, and Quinn slides into the driver’s seat, putting her bag in the back. She instinctively reaches to turn down the heat, but remembers Tina’s freezing skin.

“You can turn it down,” Tina says. “I don’t even feel cold. I just wanted my skin to feel normal to other people, which clearly wasn’t working.” Quinn gives her a glance to make sure, but Tina is just leaned against the window, body slumped and tired. 

She turns it down just a little.

Then remembering something else Tina said earlier, Quinn asks warily, “Are you okay with me in the car right now? I know you said earlier you could barely stand it…”

Tina shrugs. “I mean, I have to be, don’t I?” Quinn doesn’t answer, and Tina looks over at her and chuckles a little. “Don’t worry, Fabray, I won’t kill you and drain your blood. Although it does sound… appetizing right now.”

“Haven’t you read Twilight? My blood tastes awful to vampires,” Quinn jokes, trying to lighten the mood as she pulls the car out of the school parking lot. 

“Is that really a thing?”

Quinn laughs lightly. “I think so, I don’t know. But that is something I’m thinking about when it comes to vampires, so I must’ve heard it somewhere.”

Tina hums. “I never read or watched Twilight. My parents wouldn’t let me; my mom said she thought Kristen Stewart seemed like a bitch.” She lets out a short laugh. “The irony.”

“Do your parents know?”

“No. Yours?”

“No.” It’s honestly too easy for Quinn to hide it from her mom and her mom’s boyfriend. They’re never home and when they are, they leave Quinn alone, which is fine by her, especially on full moons or random weird days when she needs to leave. She does whatever the fuck she wants; they don’t question it. She supposes there are worse ways to live, especially while being a werewolf.

“How am I supposed to tell them?” Tina asks, looking out the window. “I thought I’d have to worry about telling them I thought Kristen Stewart was hot, not that I had basically become her -- or, her character.”

“Well, you could lead with the first thing? Maybe that’ll make it a little easier to accept. Or you could lead with the second, and while they’re freaking out about that, just drop in that you like girls.”

“Ha ha.”

“It’s good advice, I just might follow it myself,” Quinn jokes.

“…You like girls?” Tina asks. “Or -- you don’t have to answer that, sorry -- ”

Quinn glances at her. “Yeah.” 

“Cool. Let me know how it goes, if you do follow that advice,” Tina teases lightly.

Quinn laughs harshly at the mere thought of coming out to her mom. She might’ve been able to come around about her teenage pregnancy, but Quinn doesn’t miss the tone her voice takes on when she asks about Kurt or when Quinn mentions him, when Quinn’s watching something on TV or reading a book, when she sees something in the news. 

“Well I’m not coming out anytime soon.”

“That’s fine,” Tina says, her voice soft and tired but sincere. 

“Kurt’s the only other person who knows, though, so… yeah, you know… trust thing.”

“Of course. Thanks for telling me.”

And Quinn does trust Tina, with this, with the werewolf thing… she’s wondering how Tina managed to win her trust so quickly... and friendship.

Hopefully, Tina trusts her enough for what they’re about to do.

“We’re here,” Quinn says, pulling into a dirt area surrounded by woods. She puts the car in park and hears Tina take a deep breath. She looks nervous and Quinn doesn’t need to imagine to have an idea of what’s going through her head right now. She takes one of her freezing hands in her own, holds it between them. “Tina. I’ll be here for you, okay? I’ll help you. Are you ready?”

“Absolutely not. Do you know anything about vampires hunting?”

“Is it so different from turning into a wolf and hunting?” Quinn jokes, then asks seriously, “Do you need a minute?”

“No.” Tina removes her hand to open the door and Quinn misses the contact, the… warmth, even from her cold skin. 

When she gets out of the car and comes up next to her, Tina shoots her a grateful smile -- small, but genuine. Something Quinn hasn’t seen in months. She’s missed it. 

(Shit, Kurt was right, she thinks, and if this is any indication, she won’t ever get tired of that smile.)

“Thank you, Quinn, for helping me with this.”

“Of course.”

Quinn’s hand suddenly finds itself in Tina’s again, and she can feel Tina’s hand shaking a little. Quinn gives her a small, reassuring squeeze. “Let’s go.”

***

small notes for after bc i didn’t want to “spoil” this before lol !!

this is in the werewolf!quinn / vampire!tina au i’ve written in before :) if u wanna check that out hehe here’s my fic tag :P 

this and this are the two that are most connected to this one tho if u want to read :3 especially the second one -- i think that’s kind of a continuation of this fic, or like the next scene i guess

no one really cares but i started out with this prompt thinking about a more canon s1 au where it was tina saying the prompt about quinn during her pregnancy but idk somehow it turned into this instead slfdkjkd

i really didn’t have many notes lmao that’s it thanks for reading if u did <3

[zwowow]

#7 please!

7.  “That is the dumbest excuse I have ever heard!”

"Let's make it Instagram official!" Kells laughs as holds his phone above them in bed and lines up the shot. Em snaps his head up and off of his chest and looks back at him, horrified. He wasn't serious, would never post anything Em didn't want out there, but the way he looked at him just then broke his fucking heart.

"You know I'm playin', right?" He says cautiously, the fun snuffed out of him. He doesn't even know why he keeps doing this. He just gets hurt every time. If he makes a joke about them coming out, Em shuts it down. If he tries to get his boyfriend to take it seriously, Em still shuts him down. 

At what point is he going to stop wondering when Em will be ready to at least talk about it, and just force him to listen and consider it? Or the alternative, at what point is he going to realize Em will simply never be ready to have the conversation because he won't ever be ready to come out? Kells refuses to even think it's the second one.

"You play too much." Em grumbles, but lays his head back down on Kells' chest. Despite being annoyed at him, Kells wraps an arm around Em and pulls him close.

"I'd stop playing if you'd just fucking talk about it." Em stiffens beneath his arm.

"Talk about what?" Kells scoffs at Em's feigned ignorance. He always does it. Kells could probably guess Em's next words in this repeated conversation.

"If you'd just talk about coming out. We've been together a while, at some point I'd like to be able to go out with you with more than one other person there." I want that too.

"You know I want that too." It's like there are cue cards over each of their heads, Kells sighs and plays his role.

"Then why haven't we done it? Why haven't we at least, I don't know, talked about it?" We can't right now.

"We can't right now." The short conversation is so cyclical, Kells knows they're reaching the end of it. But he doesn't want to let it go tonight. He needs to talk to Em at the very least so that he can set real expectations instead of living on a rollercoaster of hope and disappointment.

"Then when?" He tightens his arm around Em's stiff body to remind. He pleads with his body and voice. Still, he knows what comes next, the inevitable last word.

"I don't know, Kells." Em sounds so sad that Kells wants to back off like he always does. He wants Em to relax into him and fall asleep to the sound of his breathing. Unfortunately, he knows he won’t be able to sleep tonight unless he actually gets Em to talk about this. Tonight, he’s changing up the script. 

“Just give me a time. We’ll talk on Monday, we’ll come out two months from now, whatever the fuck you want. Em please, I need something.”

“Why are you pushing this?” Em breaks free of his grasp and sits up. There is a hard edge in his voice, a warning not to keep pushing. Kells can’t help it, that’s what he’s always done with Em, push him a little too far. 

“Why are you trying so hard to avoid it? What’s the worst that comes from letting people know about us?” 

“It could ruin our fucking lives, our careers. How do you not understand that? Do you really not fucking get how much our careers will change if this comes out?”

"That is just the dumbest excuse I've ever heard." Kells let out a wry laugh and shakes his head. Em's career? His millions of die hard fans that have religiously bought every album for twenty years, that ride his dick harder than Kells ever could? His career riddled with homophobic language that if they did come out would just serve as evidence of internalized hatred and make him a sympathetic victim of fucking ‘society’? His albums that go to number one regardless of quality or promo because of course they do, it’s a fucking Eminem album? His career? That's bullshit.

“You could run over a dog or some sick shit and you’d still go platinum. Do you really think you’re suddenly gonna flop when people find out you suck dick?” 

“It’s not about sales. I don’t want to be a fucking novelty again. You came up later, but when I was starting I couldn’t escape just being a white rapper. No matter how good my shit was, how hard my bars were, it was always good for a white boy. My songs were white, my albums were white, that’s all I fucking was: white. You know that the minute people know about this it’s going to happen again. Fuckin’ ‘best gay rapper’ headlines and Glaad awards for fuckin’ gay pride. I don’t want that shit.” 

Colson knows how that feels. Yeah, he’d come up after Em kind of changed the game for white rappers, but he’d been through the same shit, the othering. The difference between him and Em though, is that, in his opinion, coming out would be worth it. 

“Don’t you think you could get over that, to be honest with everybody?” Kells doesn’t understand Em. He doesn’t understand why it’s even a question. 

“Why the fuck would I want to be honest with people? It’s nobody’s business who I’m fucking.” He’s has known the entire time they’ve been together that Em likes to keep people out. But he’d thought Em would eventually come around to the idea that, if nothing else, Kells was important enough to let go of a bit of that privacy. 

Now he knows the full truth. Em doesn’t want to answer questions about them being together, he won’t want to talk about being queer, and he refuses to be tokenized as a ‘gay rapper’. But if they come out, those things would be inevitable. 

Kells looks at Em, at the hard lines of his face, and realizes something he’s been avoiding for months. 

“Will anything ever make it worth it to come out to you?” 

Em’s silence is enough of an answer. Kells supposes, his avoidance and his insistence that he didn’t want to talk about it were also answers he chose to ignore. 

Em may be content to stay in the closet, to stay hidden and isolated, an island of two, but Kells isn’t. He doesn’t think he ever will be, just like Em doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready to come out. 

“If you really don’t think so, I don’t think I can stay.” 

Kells swallows. Em stares at him. Kells stares back. Em swallows. 

“You should probably go, then.”

[popculturebuffet]

The Legend of the Three Caballeros: Dope-A-Cabana Review (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Salduos Amigos! Since i’m covering a full series, i’d like to welcome any newcomers to the first part of the epic final stretch of THE RIDE OF THE THREE CABLLEROS! For those of you just joining us, a few months back WeirdKev27, easily my biggest supporter as the only one who comissions any reviews from me, asked if I could do a big project for him: a comission of EVERY major american apperance of those three happy chappies in matching serapes. Give i’ve ALWAYS loved the boys ever since house of mouse and had been sitting on Legend of the Three Cablleros for far too long, more on that in a minute obviously, I happily agreed. Plus the rather nice influx of cash from the comissions was very welcome. If your intrested in comissioning your own, hit me up via my direct messages. It’s 5 dolalrs an episode, though I do do discounts on orders of 3 or more, and 10 for a movie, with again discounts for orders of more than one. And yes that plug was very shamless, but again I have no other job than this.  Back to the point these reviews have taken me on a wonderful journey: I got to rewatch the movie and revel in the fun songs, acid trips and super horny Donald Duck, got to both revisit one of Don Rosa’s best story and read another all time classic from the man I hadn’t before, took a trip back to the house of mouse to hear some great songs and see some great cartoons.. and some not so great ones, took a small detour to Mickey and The Roadster Racers to be baffled and annoyed though I am proud to say it was my first review back after I came down with Cornovirus and lost a week of work time. And finally I covered the town where everyone was nice, and got to see the boys have a joyous reunion with Donald and be lushly animated while.. Dewey jackassed around in a B-Plot and Webby resisted the urge to throat chop him. It’s been a long ride and you can find all of it is so far RIGHT HERE IN THIS CONVIENT LINK ! CLICK IT NOW IF YOUR CURIOUS. Point is while this was well paid for.. it’s easily one of the projects i’ve been most proud of and while i’m sad to see it winding down, i’m proud of what i’ve done so far, and I just wanted to heartily thank Kevin for the ride and for being so generious as to fund the whole damn thing. Your a good dude man. 

Which brings us here, to the grand finale. The Legend of the Three Caballeros! As the boys first starring roll as a group since the movie, there was really no other way this retrospective could end, and since I have a terrible problem with procastination and really hated this series version of daisy I just kept pushing back watching the series until now. I’m not proud of it but I am happy to correct it and hope you’ll all come along with me.  Before we get started I could not find much background on the show. It was directred by Matt Danner who was the character designer for the utter classic Xiaoilin Showdown and currently works on the Muppet Babies reboot, so i’m happy he’s still getting work. Otherwise I couldn’t find much. The most I could was on tv tropes, claming the series was orignally meant for Netflix.. and while I have no proof and this could easily be conjecture.. i’m inclined to belivie it. The series was apparently done long before the Ducktales reboot, to the point Frank Angrones was only vaguely aware of it and it didn’t even remotely impact the series, with Panchito and Jose only debuting in Season 2 because the original idea for bringing them in was scrapped. So while I don’t have proof.. I’m inclined to belivie it since it makes sense: Disney DID have a healthy relationship with Netflix once, setting up the MCU shows and likely being happy there.. but eventually they wanted their own corner of the sky, and likely didn’t want one of their shows bolted to the network like all their marvel shows were.  The problem this created though is Disney was CLEARLY left with a show they no longer had a place for. But even with that the show was still done, they COULD have put it on the Disney Now app or just aired it on the Disney Channel. See if there was any fan intrest in season 2 or throw one into production to at least beef up the episode count. I mean the Cabs have a built in fanbase, kids would likely love it... it’s the logical choice. But this is Disney. They’ve had to be drug kicking and screaming into representation, to the point they had to be fought for the gay romance subplot in owl house to happen, try to hide that the Sparkshort “Out” is about a gay man struggling with coming out despite having you know reams of content on the service with either gay subtext or out and out gay characters, and their attempts at doing representatoin to score points in other little ways.. have been pathetic, easily missable bits in movies that could , and have been, edited out in more homophobic countries. My point is yeah i’m still sore about how they and a LOT of the animation industry have to be dragged into doing the right thing over profit, and they often make very stupid decisions for seemingly no reason. They are a good company a good chunk of the time.. but Disney has done fucked up quite a bit. This is one of those times.  Instead they dumped the show on the Disney Life app in the phillipines and slowly some other countries, basically the Disney Now equilvent over there, and then just sort of forgot about it until Disney Plus launched. And given how many shows they HAVEN’T put on the streamer for again, seemingly no reason, it is a nice suprise the show finally got a release on there in the US. But before that, and proving what a massive mistake just abandoing the show was, the show did gather a massive fanbase via people uploading the episodes online. So yeah the show was treated REALLY shittily for stupid reasons, but thankfully it still has a fanbase to this day and said shabby treatment, as it always does, just encouraged fans to support it harder. So naturally i’m more than happy to give the series some spotlight as fanbase or no, it badly needs it and Disney sure as hell dosen’t want to do it. So if somebody’s gotta do it, might as well be me. This is the Legend of the Three Cablleros.  We open on some narration from Xandra, Goddess of Adventure. Granted she hasn’t been identified yet, and won’t be till next episode.. buuuut it’s easier on me to not have to dance around her name so your learning it now. But Xandra narrates that long ago there were epic battles against the good and the evil and all that by epic heroes, and it’s all cumilated in the Legend of the Three Cablleros. Post title drop we’re treated to the boys, in cool looking armor and with neat weapons, fighting a purple monster man as you do in an really beautiful and epic sequence As this scene illustrates the animation for this show is GORGEOUS, a lavish update of the standard disney style with nice use of shadows. It feels almost film quality in it’s work, and it’s an utter treat to watch and opening at the end was a good call: it both ratchets up excitement and allows the first ep to have some action since this one, as part of a two part premiere, is mostly setup. It’s eyecatching, exciting and makes you want to know what the hell is going on. And since Xandra realizes MAYBE starting the story at the climax was a bad idea, she takes us back a bit.

Okay maybe not that far. No we open properly at Donald’s house, where it’s his birthday! And like the movie, it’s Friday the 13th, an excellent call back. Donald’s making his breakfast, boliling some tea and.. talking with the weird foced warped refelection in the kettle who can apparently only say “right back at you handsome, wink”. Seriously I have so many questoins and all of them are about what this guy is, why is Donald so calm about all of this, and is he still alive after Donald destroys his tea kettle later.  Donaldo gets a call from Daisy, whose visting to spend the day with him and is waiting patiently int he bad part of town. I didn’t know Duckburg had a bad part of town but given Glomgold has to get his sharks and bombs somewhere, i’m not surprised. Unless he special orders them, but even then what if he needs a shark or a bomb in a hurry? He’s gotta get them somewhere and now we know where. So there’s that. So all’s going well until Donald’s asshole boss calls and forces him to come in despite Donald having the fucking day off and it presumably being on the schedule. So Donald rushes to work, and we do get some great gags but as you’d expect for Donald it goes poorly and he botches a kid’s haircut despite the mother being very rude.. and also a female version of pete. LIke.. did he remarry after the divorce from peg or is that his sister? Does that mean PJ and PIstol have a cousin I never knew about? I want answers dammit.. and picutures of spider-man. Not for any slander job I just really like spider-man. 

Eh it’ll do.As i’m doing a full series this time i’m stopping to talk about the main cast as we go soooo.... Tony Anselmo is naturally Donald, even pitching in to consult the crew on Donald’s characterization here, as really what better expert is there? He’s voiced Donald since the original Ducktales and has stuck with the roll since, only taking a break for Mickey and the Roadster racers and that’s likely because between finishing up this series and the Mickey Mouse shorts, and moving on to Ducktales 2017, he likely simply didn’t have the time for it. Granted given how little he was used in the first season of the show, he probably still could’ve done it but regardless, he’s a legend.  Daisy is voiced by Tress Macneile, who not only has voiced the character since House of Mouse and is easily the best voice for her, but is also one of the most storied and legendary va’s in the buisness, having been at this since the 80′s with zero signs of stopping. Just to name a few of her more notable roles, in chronological order; Gadget Hackenwrench, Babs Bunny, Agnes Skinner, Charlotte Pickles, Dot Warner (Which as of last year she’s picked up again and will do the same for Babs, just in case you thought i was exagerating on the “zero signs of stopping” thing), Pookie from Hey Arnold, Mom, Hoodsey Bishop, and Queen Oona among MANY, MANY smaller rolls. I didn’t even realize Charlotte or Hodsey were here, she’s that talented and deserves all the praise.. and way better rolls as Daisy than this one but we’ll both get to that and thankfully much like with Tony, the reboot’s giving her character some depth to work with so she gets to reallys tretch her chops. The woman turns 70 here, will likely keep going until she dies, and is wonderful and deserves more respect. 

 So because this is Donald, life wont’ stop punching him in the face and it turns out his house burned down, the fire people are destroying everything because their assholes, seriously they destroy both a family heirloom and a picture of his parents despite not being on fire. I’d be genuinely suprised if their general strategy wasn’t scremaing “fire, fire fire” and then going “rock rock rock” while they throw rocks on it. Super brucey bonus prize for the first person who gets that refrence and comments on it. I’ll get back to this in a second but SOMEHOW, beisdes loosing his home, all his possesions and his job... it gets even WORSE and Daisy calls, refuses to listen to him despite him having VERY valid excuses and breaks up with him. Oh and then the fire fighters gladly talk about going home to their in tact houses  and partners. 

So yeah let’s talk about this. This first 6 or 7 minutes.. is why I didn’t return to the show for a while. My brain has a bad habit of glomming onto certain parts of things, so it remembered the rough to sit through and not very funny first act.. and not the rest of the episode which is very good and likely more indiciative about how good the series is. Thankfully it does get better but this first act .. frames things like it’s DONALD’S fault somehow. I mean yes he did burn his house down.. but even that really isn’t his fault. He was called away suddenly, wasn’t thinking and made a mistake. Hell he proabably woudl’ve had more left if the fire department hadn’t gone crazy with the axes. His being called into work? He took the day off, and his boss was just a dick. His screwing up at the job? he was genuinely trying his best and doing his best and the client was just wholly unresonable. Donald did nothing wrong but the episode WANTS to frame him like some sort of screwup.. which he is, it’s Donald.. but not in this case. It was just a string of uncomfortable to watch bad luck that cumilates in him having nothing left. It’s not funny, it’s jsust really sad and it’s REALLY hard to tell the tone their going for as they seem to awkwardly bounce from jokes to Donald being utterly devistated and alone. 

And the worst of this.. is Daisy. Daisy is EASILY the most infamous part of the show, as their portryal.. is pretty bad and apparently gets worse. We’ll see as we go but yeah.. her screaming at and breaking up with her boyfriend without listneing to his side and giving the claim we only have HER word on that he’s always screwing up, ON HIS BIRTHDAY no less, when he’s done nothing wrong, does not make a good first impression nor the fact the show seems to AGREE WITH HER. And look Donald is a trainwreck, this is true.. but the show dosen’t remotely portray him as one until AFTER this scene. As I said nothing that happened was his fault. Donald isn’t irresponsible or a screwup or dating a high schooler or anything. He isn’t Scott Pilgrim. He just has really bad luck. Again, we do see some foibles in the scenes to come.. but we don’t see any that would justify her claims, especially since she seemed perfectly happy earlier with him. Now if she’d say brought up some screwups in the first scene, and gently at that, then this would’ve worked.. but as it stands she just comes off as MASSIVELY unsymapthetic.. especially since Donald later calls her nieces over for help, which is objectively weird not gonna lie.. so she now KNOWS he had to move to a new house and his likely burned down.. yet still apparently has nothing good to say about him. 

It didn’t help this rubbed me the wrong way in a very special way. As i’ve made plain before I don’t like THIS version of Daisy, the nagging, selfish, vindictive asshole who will gladly try and cheat on donald, dump him at a moments notice and you know PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE. Which just in case you think i’m exagerating...

She fucking upercutted him..and like here for something that isn’t his fault. I mean this Daisy isn’t physically beating Donald.. but that’s a VERY low bar to clear. And emotional abuse is just as bad, so there. My point is too often in the comics when written poorly, Daisy is a pretty terrible person and I REALLY didn’t want a screen adaptation of this form of Daisy. It took a WHILE to recover from not liking daisy over this version, with help from remembering house of mouse, some good barks story with her and the AMAZING Ducktales version and the suprisingly good Quack Pack version.. I did. But yeah.. this is not a good sign of things to come for the character in this show. 

So yeah Donald’s heart is in the basement and his week is at an all time low when a post man shows up and gives him a letter.. well puts it in the box for a good gag but semantics. But the letter turns around as his ancestor Clinton Coot left him an inhertance for his 3Xth birthday: a house of some kind in the swanky neighboring town of New Quackmore. And i’ll also say.. it’s REALLY nice that for once, we focus on the Duck side of Donald’s legacy, or rather the coot but semantics, instead of the McDuck part. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love the clanmcduck, always will and I love Ducktales exploration of it.. but it’s still nice to acknowledge Donald comes from two sides and while one of those may be humble farmers, they still accomplished a lot, including founding Duckburg in most continuities including presumably this one. It’s also a good way to seperate thigns from other properties including the reboot: focusing on a part of Donald’s lineage that isn’t usually touched on and making THEM just as badass as the other side. 

So we get a quick montage as Donald takes a cab there and takes in the rich and fancy sights. It’s also a brilliant way to set up New Quackmore and it’s attached instutite as a fancy, upperclass place.. and thus perfectly clash it with Donald. Donald ends up getting dropped off at a big mansion.. which is not his , but belongs to the insittutes head, Baron Von Sheldgoose, played by WAYNE KNIGHT. 

Hell. Yes. I freaking love Wayne Knight. In case you don’t know who the man above is, or at least don’t recognize his face, Wayne Knight is a very funny and talented actor and voice actor with a lengthy career primarily in side rolls, with the rolls that he broke out with being loveable asshole and Jerry’s enternal nemisis Newman on Seinfeld and Dennis Nedry, aka “that guy who got sprayed acid in his face by those horrifying frilled dinosaurs that will never not haunt my nightmares”. Seriously that scene fucked me up as a kid and I could not watch that part of the movie. For the most part he’s been a side character man but he has done a LOT of voice work, most notable Zurg in Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, Dojo for the aformentioned and excellent Xiaolin Showdown, and Mr. Blik for Catscratch and I wish he’d do more. He also recently voiced the penguin in Harley Quin so when I get to that you better belivie i’m looking forward to it. Point is while he may not always get the glory, and had to settle for starring in a mediocre tv land sitcom to get a steady paycheck once, the man is VERY talented, very funny and perfectly cast here. 

So Donald makes himself home, finds out it’s not HIS home and gets thrown out by the snooty rich asshole’s bodyguards. As you’d expect. Donald does find HIS home, a run down cabana next door to the mansion with caution tape all over. Still Donald takes it best he can as it’s better than no home at all> What he doesn’t take well is finding out from the executor of the will that he’s not the only one inheriting the house... which is  absolutley fair. The guy just had the worst day of his life, and this lady didn’t bother to put in the letter to any of them that they were sharing the house. The Sheldgoose thing was just an average Donald screw up. This is just this lady going...

But yes we meet our boys.. and the introductions are naturally given this series is about them the best we’ve gotten so far: Jose is thrown off a bus, having ran out of fair, and having wooed all the ladies on board, and quickly charms the executor and is perfectly cordial to Donald, while Panchito parachutes out of a plane and marvels at how he went from nothing to having two new best friends, a run down shack and a sleezy lawyer! In short the two make a great first impression, helped by wonderful casting.  Jose is voiced by Eric Bauza, a talented voice actor whose had WAY too many roles to list here, but two of the most notable are being the current voice of Bugs and Daffy, and his most notable role outside that recently has been playing Splinter in Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But the guy is endlessly talented, seems really nice, and is easily one of my faviorite Jose’s so far after just one episode. He just.. gets the character perfectly and is thankfully NOT another white guy stepping into the role, so that’s nice. He easily oozes the charm and layabout nature Jose and was a natural in the role and i hope he gets to take it up again at some point.  Speaking of naturals we have Jamie Camil as Panchito, who easily steps into the guys boundless energy and the sterotpical bits are swapped out for making him a cloud cuckoolander instead, which I genuinely love and fits the character perfectly. He’s best known for CW Soap Jane the Virgin, where his charcter Rodrigo just sounds like a delight, but has recently picked up a pretty good voice acting career, vocing Don Karnage in the Ducktales reboot, Globgor in Star vs the Forces of Evil and Todd’s Stepdad George in Bojack Horseman. I only hope he gets more voice work as he’s really damn great at it and it’s wonderful to get to see him in a role that’s not limited to a few episodes at best for a change. 

So Donald’s less than happy about this, again it’s hard to really be that mad at him when he’s had a really, REALLY bad day and wasn’t told about this, but it’s kept to just the light level of grumpy as to not make him unlikeable. Granted after that intro it’d take a LOT to make him unsympathetic, but after their version of Daisy I really dont’ want to test this series.  Our boys also find out they have a groundskeeper, ari, aka THE ARCUAN BIRD! He’s just a delight any time he pops up, doing his usual “ya ta ta ta” bit, and being adorable and hilarioius as always.. and also hilariously failing to fix the boys door. So Donald ends up just accepting he has roomates now, nothing he can do, and the three explore the house finding all sorts of cool old artifacts, feeling they’ve stumbled onto something specail. And you know what that means: YARD SALE! Seriously it feels like a bit out of Wet Hot American Summer or Stella, a  series from the same creators you really should check out and that is high praise, trust me. 

I wish this series was streaming somewhere.. I mean we finally got Clone HIgh streaming Viacom, get on that. Anyways, it’s just.. fucking hilarious, and a LOT of this episode is once we walk back from the writers kicking donald in the junk and acting like it was his fault. Once Donald gets his inhertiance, the episode picks up immensley and we see the shows real charm and hilarirty fly, with jokes coming at a rapid and wonderful pace. The show really did impress me with the second half and made me utterly excited for tommrow.. or I guess today’s, look at the follow up.  But we’re still in this episode and being a rich asshole, Sheldgoose isn’t happy about a yard sale, though given this series standards, we not only get some great deliveres from Knight of an outraged “A YARD SALE?!”... but a wonderful gag where Sheldgoose out to white guy it up and yell at them over this..accidently takes a wrong turn in his massive house, and turns around, not loosing how upset he is once.  Meanwhile, we meet.. April, May and June. Yeah apparnetly Della isn’t dead or lost in this continuity, so the boys are MIA, and are instead replaced by Daisy’s Nieces, who I hope show up in the reboot before it ends. Especially since the show makes them WAY more tolerable than classic huey dewey and louie and instead enjoyable like Ducktales HDL. While not as indvidual as those three, the three are still idendtical outside of outfits, their voice actress Jessica DiCicco uses her consderiable talents and experince to give each one a unique voice, so while they all share a voice actress, none of them sound alike. And to round out our main cast for now, as our last members will be joining us fully next time, let’s talke about Jessica DiCicco. Jessica is a very talented and increasingly prolific voice actor and if you haven’t heard of her, and you probably have, you’ve defintely heard her voice. Starting out with Disney, hence why the probably called on her for this, she did the voices of Maggie for the Buzz on Maggie and Melina for Emperor’s New School before breaking out as Flame Princess on Adventure Time, whose both one of my faviorite characters from the show and one we’ll be digging into starting next month. And not one to rest easily she picked up a second set of iconic rolls vocing Lynn and Lucy Loud on The Loud HOuse, and funnily enough using those voices for two of the girls here. And along with Loud House she’s also currently starring in it’s Pony and is int he main cast of Close Enough as Candace. My point is she’s exceedingly talented.. as is this whole cast, as it’s a DAMN excellent cast and just further sells that this series deserves better.  We’ll get into the girls more next time as they don’t do much here other than get called in by Donald for help, with what I saw of episode 2 fleshing them out more. Point is Sheldgoose offers a million dollars for the cabana and all it’s stuff and the boys are glad to sell.. they just have to find something Sheldgoose desperately wants, a mysterious golden atlas encrusted with Jewels.  Our heroes head in to find it with Panchito finding it, and being very specific about it. We also get a nice call back to Ari destroying the door as Jose cleverly calls on him to destroy the lock. So our heroes open the book... and a goddess pops out and threatens to kill them all. 

Final Thoughts: Dope-A-Cabana is a decent intro the series, but as i’ve said it’s heavily hampered by a weak and mean spirited first act. But once it gets going it REALLY gets going and as part 1 one of a two part pilot, it does it’s job well once it does get going: introducing our three boys and one of our antagonists well and setting up the side cast and preparing for our last to major additions Next Time: The Boys go on their first adventure, Sheldgoose finds a boss and the girls find their voice. Thanks for Reading, Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye. 

[gallavictorious]

That was a lot of information to take in at once! I’m going to be real sad if no one has the house at the end of it. Show finales that have everyone going their separate ways always make me sad but I’m excited to see where they all end up, maybe we’ll get some BTS hints (do we know when they finish filming?). I really hope the last episode has a moment similar to the first scene where they’re all together! What do you think the Terry thing is? I’m... concerned

I feel you, nonnie. Still reeling a little bit; not sure I've taken it all in yet. (Also, I got a bit distracted by the utter excellence of Lip and Mickey and Brad DOING CRIME together. XD) But given that there's three weeks between 11x06 and 11x07 I'm glad we'll have a lot to speculate about!

As I recall, they expected to wrap things up in February. They got delayed for a week in January, resuming shooting on the 11:th rather than the 4:th, but I'm not sure how that affected  the overall schedule – maybe they worked longer days to make up for it, or maybe they'll keep on shooting for a week longer than they originally planned. Given Ethan's post the other day, it seems like there's not a whole lot of time left... :( BTS has been sparse lately, and I'm not even sure which episode they're shooting right now. They were doing 11x10 a little while ago, but I don't know if they've moved on to 11x11 yet (or even 11x12 – though I kind of expect some kind of something marking the occasion, Emma or Shanola putting up a pic to note that they're starting on the very last episode of Shameless). ETA: they're on 11x11, Shanola just posted.

I'm still holding out hope that they'll – or at least one of the siblings – will hold on the house. It might be fitting for them all to move out and move on and find their own places in their world, but we already saw that with Fiona: for her getting away from the South Side was the right call (EXCEPT FOR THE BIT WHERE SHE LEFT LIAM!), but I don't think it is for all the characters. But who can say? We'll have to wait and see – and yeah, I'm very excited to see where they'll all end up (not geographically, because I want them in the house or very near it, but in their lives).

As for Terry... Yeah, jury's still out on that one; I don't know what to think, honestly. I very much dislike the idea of him having an old male flame, even if I can see the narrative logic in showing us what Mickey could have become if. But the homophobe revealed to be gay (or bisexual) has been done to death (and has been done with Mickey, kind of), and when it's someone so violently evil as Terry it gets particularly icky, so... yeah, I'd rather not. Besides it's cheap, and too easy, as if all of Terry's wickedness could be explained by him living in fear and denial of his own sexuality. (I, incidentally, also doesn't like it when people apply this sort of logic to Mickey and suggest that the only reason he embraced violent crime was because he was afraid of his father finding out he was gay.) Whether or not I'll be able to roll with it largely depends on how it's presented, but I'd vastly prefer not to have to cope with this development.

A surprise fortune, enabling Ian and Mickey to go look for places to live in the West Side would be less icky but not very exciting, and a secret child or family... it's better than him being a closeted homosexual, but would it add much? I'd prefer something that adds some depth or nuance to Terry's character, but without suggesting that this makes him any less culpable for the horrors he has inflicted on Mickey and the rest of the world. I don't know. I like it when things are messy and complicated and I think that Shameless has generally done a fine job of giving us that with Mickey and Terry, so I'd hope for something in that vein, but I have no idea what it could be. Do you have theories or thoughts, nonnie? Would love to hear them!

[nellie-elizabeth]

okay, bear with me because this is kind of an unhinged ramble, but one of the things that’s sort of been driving me bonkers in the back of my head is that the finale was terrible... but that I honestly think it would have been quite easy to change just a few little things to make it... well, maybe not good, but certainly less rage-inducing. I don’t think any version of the story as presented to us would have left me thrilled by this ending, but I can actually think of a few very easy changes that would have had me walking away maybe a little irked, certainly disappointed in what we didn’t get to see, but ultimately more at peace.

Let’s pretend this is a world in which they couldn’t/didn’t want to have Misha in the finale, couldn’t get a big ol’ group of returning stars... and we basically had to work with a bare-bones structure like what we saw in the finale. So this isn’t pie-in-the-sky, what I would do if I could have what I wanted... This is down to earth, pragmatic, simple things they could have done to make it better, if we’re constrained to the basic shell we were provided.

Ready?

1) This is the big one: flip around the "Sam’s domestic life with his son” montage so that it starts BEFORE the vampire case and Dean’s death.

So basically, the montage at the beginning, we see the boys living normally in the bunker. We get the pie scene (which I’ll touch on in a second). But then, instead of segueing straight into the hunt where Dean dies, we see a flash of the next 5 to 10 years of their lives. We see them living in the bunker, but it gets slowly more homey, more lived-in. Vitally, for Dean’s character specifically, we see hints of him picking up new hobbies, maybe he’s playing the guitar, we see him in the kitchen, maybe he’s playing D&D, I don’t know. Something to show that Dean is living life and enjoying it, getting to find out who he is without the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s not totally settled, you get the sense that the lingering sadness of his losses, the trauma of his life, is always going to weigh on him... but he’s doing what he can to enjoy the little things, and he’s taking pride in his continued work as a hunter.

Eileen moves in, and if we can’t see the actress, fine, we can have Sam saying “Eileen called, she’s getting home late, we should start dinner” or whatever. It’s implied that the three of them are living there together. We see that Sam has a son, we see that Dean is an active part of the kid’s life, a great uncle, totally spoiling his nephew. Maybe we see shots of Sam and Dean on other hunts, we have phone calls, mentions like “hey, Jody has a lead” or “Charlie called, she wants us to back her up on xyz.” Basically, through a montage or through a short sequence of scenes, we see that Sam and Dean have continued on, life as usual... but there’s a peace to it now without big cosmic forces standing in their way. Maybe Sam and Eileen semi-retire and move out into the suburbs, and we get shots of Dean-as-the-new-Bobby, a role I always imagined for Sam, but it works for Dean, too.... the bunker is central station, he’s coordinating things, he’s finding new skills within the life of hunting, he’s mentoring people and still getting to save people and hunt things.

And then, Sam and Dean, who don’t always hunt together anymore as Dean often goes off with other hunters, and Sam and Eileen are less active in the field now that they have a kid, decide to take a case together, just a routine hunt. Cue Dean getting impaled on a nail (or maybe he dies in a less awkward way so he doesn’t have to lean against a wall and make his big death scene looking completely unhurt? Which I thought was really strange).

But basically, we could have a version of the death scene as stands. I do not hate the idea of Dean dying in a relatively “mundane” way... literally just the idea that he lived for a handful of years after defeating Chuck makes the idea of his death SO much less empty and devastating for me, because this time Dean didn’t get cut down before he got to enjoy his life at all. It’s still sad that he’s dying younger than he should have, but he died doing a thing that he loved, he found love in the hunting lifestyle without the pressure of other’s expectations, and we got to SEE that, we got to see him making it his own, and making it just one important slice in a more robust and happy life.

Vitally, instead of saying “it’s always been you and me” during the goodbye speech, and making it all about how Sam is the center of Dean’s world, it would be framed more like “I’ll be okay, Sammy, and so will you... go home to your family, to our family, tell the kid to be good, but not too good, okay? And I’ll go be with our family that’s already passed on... we’ll see each other again. We’ve got Jack looking after us.” When Sam says “I can’t do this alone,” Dean doesn’t answer “yes you can...” Instead he says “you’re not alone, Sam.” Because he’s not. He has a family already at this point, and Dean is his family, but he’s not the only person left in Sam’s world that he loves. Dean can still say he was scared to get Sam at Stanford, that he didn’t know what he’d have done without Sam... but he’s so glad they got to be family, got to share so many amazing years, got to be best friends and be there for each other through so much craziness. This time, Sam’s “don’t leave me” isn’t quite as soul-renderingly tragic, because Sam has a wife and a kid already. The death scene would emphasize the tragedy of this separation, but acknowledges that they’ve grown to have more to live for outside of each other.

Then, we see more of Sam growing old, but he seems less utterly miserable, had more years with his brother before the end, knows that Dean got to be a part of his kid’s life, and feels confident that Dean is at peace and that he’ll see him eventually.

2) The second change is even more simple, it’s literally just adding in a couple extra lines of dialogue to... fix the Castiel situation a bit. So. Ahem. Again, this is imagining a world where Misha can’t be in the episode, where we’re keeping the basic structure. There are just two small changes that fix this, for me.

One, before the montage and Sam having a kid and all that, at the pie festival scene at the beginning... when Sam says “I miss Cas and Jack,” we get a slightly more robust response from Dean. He talks about how they fought so hard to break free of their unhealthy cycles, to escape the influence of fate, and that as much as he wants Cas back, he can’t risk making things worse again and betraying Cas’ sacrifice... but THEN, IMPORTANTLY, he says “Jack’s gonna be hand’s-off, but we know he’ll look after Cas no matter what.” This could be just a faith thing, or if we’re allowed to stretch back into 15x19 and fix that too, Jack could even say that as part of his goodbye, like, “I’ll make sure Cas is at peace.” So now, even though it’s annoying that Dean isn’t rushing to rescue Cas from the Empty, it could be more akin to the later decision when Dean tells Sam not to try and bring him back. Sam knows Dean is going to a peaceful afterlife when he dies, and Dean and Sam let Cas go because they know he’s safe with Jack and also given his rest/peace. (Instead of what we got, which was just... they knew Cas was in the Empty and didn’t even bother checking if Jack would like... handle that?)

Second, when Dean goes to Heaven, at least having lived a decade or so of the life that Cas sacrificed himself to provide for him, he sees Bobby, Bobby gives him the spiel, says that Jack and Cas helped make Heaven better (in this version, Dean would be less surprised by this; he would have known even as he was dying that Jack was going to look out for him and all of the other deceased souls). And then Bobby says, “what do you want to do?” and Dean says “I want to see my family... gotta get some good quality time in before Sam shows up and hogs all the attention.” So it’s like a balance of the fact that he’s waiting for Sam and can’t wait to see him again, but it’s implied that he goes and hangs out with his mom (and dad, ugh, John is the WORST, but maybe he went through The Good Place afterlife and he’s learned to be a good person lol), with Bobby, with Cas, and even with Jack, maybe, as perhaps the new God doesn’t mind chillin’ with the already-dead humans, or at least the ones who raised him.

It would be dealer’s choice as to how Destiel-ish Dean’s final line here could be... he could say the thing about waiting for Sam but going to reunite with his family, first, and throw in something about “there’s a conversation with someone that I really need to finish.” Something vague enough that the homophobes would let it fucking air on TV, but promising enough to put a smile on at least some people’s faces.

Then, instead of the montage being just Dean driving around, we get something a little different, but still very simple. We see Dean maybe hanging out in a house in Heaven, playing with Miracle the dog, maybe a callback to a hobby we saw him have on Earth, playing music or cooking, implying a full afterlife even if we don’t get to see the other people... he’s setting a table for like a dozen people who are coming over soon for dinner, or he’s shouting out “hurry up, my parents are hosting” to an unseen occupant in another room, we see Cas’ trench coat slung over a chair, general signs of habitation and home.

We’re cutting between this Heaven montage of Dean, with the montage of Sam on Earth, growing older (and in my version, someone who knows what they’re doing makes Jared’s wig and age makeup look less like the stuff of nightmares, oh holy hell....). We see Sam letting go, dying of old age, going to his rest...

And in Heaven, Dean suddenly freezes in the middle of playing fetch with the dog, or frying up some bacon for breakfast. He gets a look on his face... a hopeful smile. He’s just realized that Sam is coming. He can sense it. This is what he’s been waiting for, the last thing he needs to make Heaven truly perfect. He gets in the impala (which isn’t literally the spirit of his car, it’s just that everything he loves from Earth gets to be with him in Heaven), and he drives off to the bridge while “Carry On Wayward Son” kicks onto the radio. He gets out of the car, reunites with Sam, says “hey, Sammy. Everyone’s going to be so excited to see you.” They hug, they look out over the bridge... The End.

SO. Just to reiterate, this is NOT my version of what the “perfect” finale would have been. This is more just a way for me to process my feelings about the fact that the episode was pretty much entirely awful in my opinion, and it would have been relatively easy to fix it so that it was only... medium awful. Like, with basically no huge changes, just letting Dean be a part of his nephew’s life, getting to be a part of Sam’s life as Sam started a family, and then still having the poignancy of him dying before his time, but also as a hero, as the best version of the thing he always thought he needed to be but now has chosen to be, has taken ownership and pride in. And then by just buffing up some dialogue in a couple of spots, we could have had an episode that still centered primarily on Sam and Dean, still ended on just the two of them (which, frankly, I’m not mad about, it’s their show, and it has been from day one...), but still honored the message of “family don’t end in blood.” Still honored the idea of found family and community and belonging and living for more than just each other.

And if that’s what I had walked away with... well, I would have had some complaints. But I think the whole thing would have felt a lot less... empty to me. And it would have been doable, within the constraints of COVID, and limited actor availability, etc.

There have been some finales that I’ve hated so truly and thoroughly that there was simply no way to engage with them without it tainting the whole show for me. This finale was so weird, because I feel like just a few band-aids, some punch-ups to the script, would have made me feel SO much better about what we got. They didn’t need to reinvent the wheel with this one. Even given the constraints, they could have been a little more creative, a little more thoughtful, and pissed people off a lot less.

[yeah-all-of-it]

I wrote a fic the other day (my first!) that included a brief appearance by an original character named Rhonda, who is Ian and Mickey’s neighbor across the hall. Decided to write a bit of a prequel, exploring how they came to be friends with her. It’s 2 parts because it’s 4.7k and I don’t have an Ao3 account. Link for part 1 is here and at the bottom. Hope you enjoy!

Spill Your Guts: Part II

They walk across the hall and knock on the door. Rhonda answers, wearing a different boho dress than a couple weeks ago. Her hair is in a long side braid.

“Ian!” she gushes and gives him a warm hug. “And you must be Mickey. It’s so wonderful to properly meet you. I’m Rhonda, or Ms. Rhonda as Ian insists on calling me.” She gives Mickey a hug as well, and he awkwardly accepts.

As they enter the apartment, wonderful smells from the kitchen swirl around them. Her apartment is identical to theirs, only hers has much more furniture and is eclectically decorated. It feels warm and homey, much like Rhonda herself.

“Come have a seat, dinner is almost ready. Mickey, we’re having roasted duck tonight. Hope that’s okay. And there’s some Old Styles in the fridge, help yourself,” Rhonda states, and winks at Ian.

Mickey sees the wink and glances over at Ian, who looks fittingly guilty of conspiring over the choice of dinner served this evening. Mickey’s mouth ticks up slightly at the corners.

Ten minutes later, the three of them are seated at the table passing around serving dishes, small talking for a little while.

“This duck is fuckin’ incredible. Oh shit, sorry. Is that okay?” Mickey apologizes.

Rhonda laughs. “You can say anything around me, I don’t offend easily.”

“Oh, that’s good, cause I can be kinda fuckin’ offensive sometimes,” Mickey quips.

They all chuckle, enjoying their conversation and how easily it has flowed, like they’ve been friends for years. Just before dessert, Rhonda says,” So, Ian. I promised you that I would tell you my story at dinner, yes?”

“Yeah, you did.” He turns to Mickey. “She’s let me basically pour my heart out to her for the last three weeks and I was a selfish prick who didn’t even ask her about herself.”

“It’s completely okay; I’m going to tell you now,” she says and smiles warmly at her new friend, grabbing his hand across the table and giving it a little squeeze.

She continues. “So, about 50 years ago, I met the love of my life. It was a different time back then. Much like you boys, we had to hide what we were to each other. Pretend we were just friends in public when we were madly in love in private. I also had an abusive, homophobic father whom, although he was aware since I was a teen, I didn’t officially come out to until he was on his deathbed, too weak to physically hurt me, when I was 40 years old. His last words to me were that I was a huge disappointment and that he didn’t love me. I was a grown ass woman but I felt like a heartbroken child in that moment. Never mind that I had found the love of my life, graduated top of my class earning my Ph.D. in psychology, had a happy successful life. I was a disappointment.”

“Wait, you’re a lesbian?” Ian inquires. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong.”

“No, Ian sweetie, it’s fine. Yes, I am.” Rhonda continues, “My wife’s name was Margo and I loved her deeply. She, unfortunately, passed away about 5 years ago from cancer.

“So, back to my story. It took me years after his passing as a grown adult with an advanced psychology degree to undo even some of the damage he did to me. It still hurts sometimes all these years later. He took so much from me but you know what he was never able to take? My love for Margo and my beautiful life with her. I spent 45 incredible years with her. We traveled all over the world together, experienced so many things, made so many memories. Made love in strange places and safe places and a few dangerous places.” She smiles softly at the memories. “You boys aren’t the only ones who’ve been caught in the act,” she laughs and the two men chuckle, still a little embarrassed.

“You beautiful boys remind me a lot of myself and Margo. Had to struggle through a lotta years. But madly, hopelessly in love. Loyal and dedicated to each other,” Rhonda observes.

Ian reaches over and gently takes hold of Mickey’s hand. He flinches a little but doesn’t pull away, still getting used to affection in front of others they aren’t close with.

“That’s… thank you for that,” says Ian softly. “And I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you, sweetie. I try not to dwell on what I’ve lost and just appreciate what I had with her. Makes it not hurt so much.”

“I’m really sorry,” Ian apologizes, “but I have to excuse myself to go to the restroom. I’ll be right back.”

He tries to make it quick, knowing how awkward Mickey probably feels being alone with this woman he’s just met. He’s probably just staring at a spot on the wall or down at his lap. As he’s exiting the bathroom, he hears them talking. He doesn’t want to interrupt but is eavesdropping wrong? He stops for a minute to listen, gauge when he should head back in.

The voices are quiet but he can just make out what they’re saying.

“Mickey, your Ian didn’t tell all your secrets, I promise. He was very respectful of your privacy. He did mention a little about your father though and I just wanted to tell you, I’ve been there and I understand the conflicting emotions that come from a relationship like that. If you want to talk about it, I’m here, okay?”

Ian doesn’t expect Mickey to say anything, but suddenly Mickey is speaking.

“Uhh, ok. Just, like…,” Mickey stammers, searching for words. “He was just such a fuckin’ prick, but it was more than that. He… um… used to beat me and shit. Almost killed me and Ian when he caught us together once. Again when I came out, and when we got married. But still, all I wanted to do was make him proud, not let him down. He’s fuckin’ dead now and I’m glad. But I was actually… sad? maybe?… when it happened? I don’t fuckin’ know.” Word vomit, Ian thinks.

“That’s completely normal, Mickey,” Rhonda replies sympathetically. “I felt exactly the same when my dad died. It’s such a weird feeling, to be upset but not sure why. To be glad you’re rid of them, but you still miss them in a way? It’s so complicated and it’s hard to understand if you’ve never been there. It’s just, weird.”

“Yeah. I’m just kinda numb about it now, ya know? Ian really helped me through it. Always had my back. Always has, actually.”

“That’s funny,” Rhonda states. “He described you the same way. ‘Always has my back’. He loves you, Mickey. So much. It’s so clear to me that what you boys have together is so, so special and rare. I can tell how much you love him, too.”

“I really really do, Rhonda. I try really fuckin’ hard to show him all the time but I’m not sure he knows how much-“

“He knows. Trust me. He knows.”

Ian figures he’s listened far too long; they’ll probably wonder why he was in the bathroom forever.

He steps out into the hallway to head back to the table and sees Rhonda and Mickey sitting right beside each other, looking each other in the eyes, and she has both of Mickey’s hands grasped in hers.

Ian walks into the room and Mickey clears his throat, pulling his hands away, and quickly wipes what appears to be a tear from his cheek. Sniffs a time or two.

“So, who wants dessert!” Rhonda says cheerfully.

———

“Night, boys!” Rhonda calls from across the hallway as Ian and Mickey head to their apartment after dinner. She grabs Ian’s shoulder, stops him for a moment and whispers in his ear, “You were right. Mickey is an absolute gem,” and gives him a wink.

“Sooo…” Ian hesitates, as soon as they are back home. “What did you and Rhonda chat about while I was in the bathroom?” He thinks he’s being nonchalant.

“I know you were listening,” Mickey states matter-of-factly.

“Um, what?” Ian questions.

“C’mon, man. Were you takin’ a shit? You were gone for like, fifteen minutes.”

“Yeah, okay, I’m sorr-“

“Ian, it’s okay. I don’t mind. It’s nothin’ you don’t already know anyway. You were right though. Something about Rhonda just makes you wanna spill your fuckin’ guts out to her,” Mickey admits.

“Maybe it’s the psychology Ph.D.? I mean, she’s basically a professional listener,” Ian suggests. “And she’s not, like, legally allowed to judge you or something.”

“Yeah, maybe, but it’s more than that I think. She’s just so fuckin’ like, kind and welcoming and shit. I don’t know.”

“So,” Ian says as he sidles up to Mickey, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. “We can be friends with her? Like, actual real friends that do stuff and hang out together? Especially now that you know she’s not after my giant cock?”

Mickey sighs and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, okay. We can be friends with her,” Mickey relents and places his hands on Ian’s hips.

Ian bends down and kisses Mickey slowly and softly, holding him close. When he pulls away slightly he says, “That’s great, because we are doing yoga on the roof with her tomorrow morning, 8 am sharp.”

PART 1

[strangertheory]

Being LGBTQA+ in the 80s

Fans that expect characters to understand and identify themselves as lgbtqa+ in Stranger Things, or that think the story should have had characters that are 14 years old assert their identities by this point in their lives and by this point in the story, might not be aware of the severity of the ignorance and homophobia of the era. I anticipate that other characters will eventually be canonically revealed to be lgbtqa+ in the series, but I want to explain more about why it was difficult to recognize yourself as lgbtqa+ while living in small-town America during the 80s. Here is some quick history and a little bit of context:

The American Psychiatric Association didn't vote to stop categorizing homosexuality as a mental illness until 1973, and even when it was finally declassified as such, a good portion of the APA still disagreed with that decision so they actually decided to list "sexual orientation disturbance" in the DSM all the way until 1987.

The World Health Organization didn't remove homosexuality from its ICD classification until 1992.

[source: Psychology Today]

When many medical professionals and "experts" still believe that the lgbtqa+ community is mentally ill, and you live in a rural small town in the 80s: the vast majority of your neighbors and friends, even the ones that are kind to you and care about you, most probably view the lgbtqa+ community as being mentally ill and unhealthy. Then add to that the stigma, ignorance, and misinformation surrounding the ongoing AIDS crisis! Yes, larger cities in the US had some Pride parades in the 80s. Yes, there was a thriving lgbt culture in the 80s. But it was still heavily stigmatized and isolated from mainstream society. Especially in small towns like Hawkins.

The 80s was a challenging era for those seeking to better understand their sexuality or gender. Many lgbtqa+ folk in the 80s genuinely believed that something must be wrong with them because some doctors and their communities told them that their desires indicated that they were sick. Just understanding and acknowledging your lgbtqa+ identity to yourself was hard. Then add coming out to your loved ones and community, and the prospect is even more intimidating.

Our favorite assertive and opinionated Robin Buckley only admitted to having romantic attraction to a girl after a day of being tortured and fearing for her life and while she was still heavily drugged and in the company of a close friend. And even after everything they had been through, Robin was still holding her breath waiting to see what Steve said. "Holy shit."

Will Byers grew up with a notably homophobic and abusive father. Mike, Dustin, and Lucas have repeatedly encountered homophobic bullying at school from kids that are repeating their parents hateful attitudes and words frequently. "He's dead. Probably killed by some other queer. That's what my dad said."

Don't expect 14 year old characters, let alone the older teens or even any of the adults, to suddenly work up the courage to confess their lgbtqa+ identities to anyone until they are confronted with a moment of truly desperate and determined clarity and bravery. That moment will be earthshattering to them.

Even if Jonathan would immediately embrace Will no matter what, that doesn't change the fact the rest of the town and other people in Will's life might not. I am so glad that Will has Jonathan in his life, but Jonathan cannot fully protect Will from the harsh judgement, fear, and bigotry that would potentially spring up in other corners of Will's life.

I believe that there are definitely other lgbtqa+ characters in Stranger Things beyond Robin, and that the writers will address it canonically in the series. But it will not be an easy journey for the characters. Please do not accuse the writers of being homophobic for not having characters aknowledge things explicitly sooner: it would be unrealistic. However! I firmly believe the writers have been intentionally queer-coding certain characters. In a story set in the 80s: implications matter. What is conspicuously left unsaid matters. ("Lonnie used to say he was queer: called him a f*g." "Is he?" "He's missing, is what he is!") Small gestures matter. Symbolism matters. Subtext matters.

We need to understand the way in which the characters choose to express themselves is always within the invisible confines of not only their limited understanding of their own potential to be lgbtqa+ in the first place, but also within the confines of the bigotry and fears of their families and community. A closeted person in a small town in the 80s is rarely going to pursue an lgbtqa+ relationship directly until they've indirectly confirmed that their feelings are returned. PDA could be genuinely dangerous for lgbt couples. We need to remember these nuances when critiquing the way in which the writers may or may not be representing lgbtqa+ characters.

The creators of Stranger Things are clearly cognizant of the oppressive and ignorant politics of 1980s small-town America and how that makes admitting who you are to yourself just as challenging as admitting it to your loved ones and your community. I look forward to seeing how the writers explore the self-realizations the characters might face as they get older and begin to know themselves outside of the shadow of their parents and their community's prejudices. I want everyone to be true to themselves. To love themselves. To be loved. To be happy and to be safe no matter who they are, who they love, or who they desire. ♡

Although it is still hard to come out in America even today: I appreciate how far we've come since the 1980s.

Let's not forget it. 🌈

[purplesurveys]

1245

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella?  Oh you are just mean. Nutella is amazing as a filling or icing, but when it comes down to it I guess I look for peanut butter more often. I love both though.

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes?  Mashed. But baked potatoes are pretty good too; the only reason I didn’t pick it is that I don’t get to have it as often as I do mashed.

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name?  I’m the eldest sibling, but my sister, who comes after me, has Beatrice as her second name if that’s what you mean by middle name.

Do you like breadsticks?  Yes. The more cheesy-garlicky, the better.

What are your favorite things to spend money on?  Merch or food.

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten?  Puppy. Not the biggest fan of cats.

How old will you be on your next birthday?  24.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people?  If it’s the combination of having to be around people I’m not too close with, like workmates, and I’m eating something that tends to be messy, like jjajangmyeon, then yeah I can definitely feel conscious.

When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts?  I fell asleep from 11 PM to around 3 AM and when I woke up then I thought  “ugh, I fell asleep early again?”

What is one thing in the room you’re in that reminds you of somebody?  My vape pen constantly reminds me of Andi because they were the one who gave it to me.

Could you ever be friends with somebody who was homophobic?  No.

Would you ever want to be a supermodel, or date one?  I did want to be one, at one point. It was all a matter of being stuck with the wrong crowd at the time lol.

Honestly, have you ever made fun of somebody so bad they cried?  Probably with my sister when we were very young.

Honestly, would you rather be complimented on your looks or intelligence?  Intelligence.

Have you ever purchased a pregnancy test, for yourself or otherwise? I never have.

You can get one thing, anything, for free right now. What do you pick? Why?  A 1 or 2 TB hard drive. My phone has reached the stage where I’m starting to have to constantly delete shit so I don’t reach the maximum storage, so I need someplace to dump all my photos and videos in to free up my phone.

Honestly, have you ever danced naked?  Nope.

What was the first illegal thing that you did? Did you get caught? I dunno...buy pirated movies? I didn’t get ‘caught’ since pirated movie stalls are widespread here anyway, so for the most part I’ve always been more concerned for them than I am for myself.

What is the home page on the computer you’re on?  Technically it’s supposed to be the Google home screen, but I have an extension that shows me my to-do list for the day.

Do you like to write poetry?  Nah, that’s always been my Achilles’ heel when it comes to writing.

Are your ears pierced?  Yup. Surprisingly enough they’ve never closed up despite never having worn earrings (clip-ons notwithstanding) in the last 13 years.

If so, were they pierced with a piercing gun, or with a sterile needle?  I’m not sure, since my mom had them pierced when I was a baby. I would guess piercing gun, though.

Do you wear makeup regularly? I never wear makeup.

Did you eat cereal for breakfast today?  I never have cereal unless I’m staying at hotels. It’s just never been something I look for.

When was the last time you tripped over something?  A box that was lying around in my room.

Any obsessive-compulsive tendencies?  I’ll sometimes get concerned with how many times I have to flick the switch of our hot water dispenser or open and close the refrigerator door before I feel completely satisfied...but I dunno if that counts.

Who was the last person you yelled at?  Technically...Angela? I was filming an unboxing video for a gift she randomly got me and I loved the gift so much I was yelling my excitement through the screen.

Why did you yell at them?  ^ That.

Favorite type of apple?  I don’t like fruits.

Ever seen live horse racing?  No, it’s not something that interests me.

How about live greyhound racing?  I don’t even know what that looks like.

What’s one thing, besides the obvious, that you couldn’t live without?  The arts, I guess. I need something to listen to, to watch, etc on a regular basis.

Have you ever touched a giraffe?  I don’t think so.

What does your mom call you?  Robyn, or the Filipino term parents use for their kids.

What stresses you out the most in life?  A particular client at work. We have a million campaigns going on for them at any given point so my life virtually revolves around that brand these days.

Do you play any PC games? What is your favorite?  Nope.

If you were pregnant, how would you tell the father? Well, that would depend on the circumstances. Did we want a baby? Was it a bad surprise, a happy surprise? I can't answer this with just one idea. < Yeah.

What’s the hardest level you can play on Guitar Hero?  If I’m using a Playstation controller, I can go Hard or Expert. But my finger coordination with the actual guitar controller is terrible and I fail most songs even at Easy.

What ever happened with you and your first boyfriend?  There was never any ‘boyfriend,’ but my first girlfriend and I have basically had a falling out and I haven’t talked to her in months, and I expect it to continue being that way.

What’s your favorite country song?  I don’t have any.

What is the worst thing a former boyfriend/girlfriend has done to you?  Putting her pride and anger first even when I’m obviously in a state of disstress or breakdown in front of her. That’s some emotional rollercoaster I’m glad I don’t have to deal with anymore.

What were you for Halloween last year?  Just Dora the Explorer again, which was a repeat from the year before that.

Are you feeling guilty for something?  I don’t think so; at least there isn’t anything I’m actively feeling guilty about at the moment.

Are you usually quiet or loud?  I think I’m in between? I’m pretty loud but I can space out at the most random moments hahaha.

How many hours do you spend on the computer a day?  This question always makes me wince at myself...I guess anywhere between 16-18 hours? The only time I put my laptop down is when I’m off to bed, but otherwise it’s constantly open.

What is the show that you watched when you were little, and you still do? I don’t think there is such a show.

Do your siblings text you?  Nope. We live under the same roof 24/7 so there’s been little need to text.

Do you want a small or big wedding?  Big.

Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth?  Yes, but that was when Google Earth was still super bare so I wasn’t able to see the actual house anyway, but just the general area where we’re located. I haven’t used Google Earth in years.

Who is your ex dating/talking to?  I don’t know and I hoooonestly could not care less.

Ever kissed someone who smokes?  Yep.

Does it take a lot for someone to annoy you?  Depends on my mood. I have my moments where it’s very easy for me to get irritated.

Do you own your own computer?  I mean it was bought for me, but I didn’t get it with money I earned.

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings?  When my brother was starting to mature, my sister and I very very briefly experimented sharing a room, but it lasted like all of two weeks. My parents ultimately just transferred our balcony to a bedroom so that all three of us had our own rooms.

What noises in the room you’re in, do you hear at the moment?  An airplane is flying above me at the moment so I can hear its engine. I can also hear some crickets chirping and the faint barking of dogs.

Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours?  Yup.

What’s the biggest upcoming event for you?  I guess my second vaccine dose is kinda big? It’s happening this Friday.

What do you typically order from Wendy’s?  I rarely get Wendy’s tbh, but when I do I usually go for their Baconator.

Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper?  No, it’s not something I would be into.

What do you love most about yourself? Continued the next day because I am terrible at taking a survey in one go. I like that I don’t hesitate to do or buy things for my loved ones, not even inwardly. I guess it’s because my family has always lived very practically, so I want to make up for that by spoiling my friends.

Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed?  Yes.

What are you doing right now?  I am supposed to be at work but it’s a relatively quiet day, so I’m here. I do have my screen split between Tumblr and my emails though, so that I’d be able to see if new work will come in hahaha.

What’s bothering you right now?  Quiet work days always make me anxious because it makes me think if I’m forgetting about something crucial.

What was the last thing you drank?  I literally just took a sip of my coffee before moving on to this question.

Be honest, do you like people in general?  Depends on the situation, I think. Like when I go to concerts, I know I’m around people I share the same interests with, so there’s a sense of solidarity that goes with that. But when I’m like...I dunno, lining up to get my license renewed at a government office, I know people there are in a rush and tend to get rude, and that makes me feel a little bit overwhelmed. I don’t think this is something I can generalize.

Do you want your tongue pierced?  No. Lip I can consider, but I have to pass on tongue. 

Do you change your phone background a lot?  I do these days, yeah.

Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?  Possibly.

Have you ever been strip searched?  I’ve been searched, but was never asked to strip.

Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it?  No, it’s an ordinary surname.

Ever have a drug overdose? What did you OD on exactly?  Never.

Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? I get sick of people who call themselves bipolar, and of people who use ‘bipolar’ to describe someone else who just has your typical mood swings.

Describe your day so far in three words:  Business as usual.

What was the most stressful project you had so far/while in school? I was once designated as a leader for a science investigative project, which didn’t make sense because science was definitely not my strongest point. Needless to say it didn’t go well and I ended up being a terrible leader. Choose one- Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers:  Butterfinger, even though they’re a bitch to eat and chew.

Have you ever stepped in dog poop?  Maybe once or twice. It fortunately doesn’t happen a lot.

What was the last thing you spent money on?  I got Angela and Reena cheese tarts. The reason behind it was Jin held a VLIve last Monday and he had been eating egg tarts during the stream; and because I was happy to have watched my first Jin live, I got my friends cheese tarts hahaha. I don’t know a lot of places that sells good egg tarts so I settled for cheese tarts instead, which I think are better anyway.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed?  Yeah.

Is there a guy that knows a lot about you?  I guess Hans? We personally don’t get to have a lot of heart-to-heart exchanges, but considering how Angela’s my greatest confidante I’m sure she has shared bits of my life to him, which I don’t mind.

Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without?  I don’t really like answering this question anymore because the people that I’ve declared ‘for keeps’ have faded out of my life at some point. I’m a lot more guarded and self-preservation-y when it comes to this now.

Do you prefer Starbucks coffee or small cafe coffee?  Ooooh, both. I love coffee.

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum?  No.

Do you enjoy being outdoors?  If the weather is nice, yes.

Do people tell you that you have an accent?  I mean I’ve been told my English is strong, but my accent in particular doesn’t really get noted.

Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July?  I don’t celebrate that.

What’re some unspeakable subjects for you?  I don’t like talking about my brother. Otherwise I am pretty open about everything.

Is there anyone you would take a bullet for?  Several people come to mind.

Do you enjoy tanning?  If I’m at the beach, sure. It’s honestly not something I have to constantly keep up with, though, since I’m already naturally tan enough. Are you a virgin?  No.

Who’s your celebrity crush?  Taehyung :(

Did or do you get good grades in English class?  I always got pretty good grades in English.

What part of your body are you self-conscious about?  Teeth, and my legs sometimes.

Are you expected to help fix Thanksgiving dinner?  I don’t celebrate that.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer?  Yes.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender?  Yes.

When was the last time you got a shot?  Last month, then I’m getting my second dose tomorrow.

[harringroveficlibrary]

soulmate fic recs? been in strong mood for those and having a hard time finding some :) thanks!!!

sure thing :^) (under the cut because it got a bit long) -cade 

Blood and Pain by Carerra_os (1/1 | 1,583 | Teen+)

Billy and Steve are soulmates, they don't find that out till they fight.

-

It kind of feels like being punched in the gut, seeing Nancy’s neat scrawl on the inside of Jonathan's arm, the exact same scrawl Steve saw on her bare arm just a few moments ago. Jonathan and Nancy both look guilty, at least, but it does not make it any easier. Steve thought she was safe, thought she was like him, that she did not have a soulmate, and it hurts, finding out different. Steve has always been good at ignoring though, at pushing down his own feelings and putting on a good face for others, and now is no different.

warnings: blood & injury, canon typical violence

Origin of Love by TaytheBae (1/1 | 4,168 | Teen+)

Billy Hargrove was an asshole. But it wasn’t his attitude that stopped Steve dead in his tracks during basketball practice two days after Billy’s arrival to Hawkins. They were playing shirts and skins, and without a care in the world, Billy ripped off his shirt. Along with revealing miles of tanned skin and firm muscles, Steve saw a faded red mark right above Billy’s navel that seemed to resemble the sun. While it wouldn’t seem unusual to anyone else, Steve couldn’t take his eyes away from the little red splotch. -

Steve never knew what the red sun-shaped mark right above his bellybutton was for. Not until he met Billy Hargrove.

Lips to Lips, Scars to Scars by lostnoise (1/1 | 7,491 | Mature)

From the soulmates prompt, #15: the one where every lie your soulmate tells you appears on your skin.

His parents have to sit him down and tell him what it means - not the words themselves, but what it means that they showed up at all on his skin. That there’s someone out there waiting for him. That he should pay attention to what kind of person his soulmate is.

Because only their lies will show up on his arm.

warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, temporary character death, period typical homophobia

Tall Tales and Fairy Rings by lostnoise (1/1 | 1,394 | General)

The Harrington Estate sits upon the edge of Hawkins Forest, acres and acres of wooded land. Steven, heir to Lord Harrington, is sixteen when he starts exploring the lands of his father and forefathers.

Growing up, he’s hears all the stories about the types of creatures, things, that live in the forest. He’s heard of kelpies living in streams and wayward ponds; he’s heard of trolls who stalk through the forest looking for their next meal; he’s even heard of werewolves, men who change at will, men who must change under the full moon, taking residence up in their forests.

Of all the creatures and tales Steven has been told, the very last he expects to find, at the base of the thickest tree at the very heart of the forest, is a fairy ring.

my baby lives in shades of blue by psychdelia (1/1 | 1,250 | Teen+)

Before blue, Steve's life was dull. Lifeless.

The Secret Voice of Hidden Love by Yikes_Writes (11/11 | 22,328 | Mature)

Steve's soulmate was good with words. Billy's soulmate was a beautiful artist.

-

In other words, a soulmate au where whatever is drawn on one soulmate, appears on the other. Plenty of mutual pining and the Steve & Barb friendship for the ages.

warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, underage drinking, & drug use

talk to me by lesbianferrissbueller (1/1 | 2,904 | Teen+)

/“On your 18th birthday, on your wrist will appear the first words your soulmate will ever say to you.”/

And they always say it like that: “will ever say.” Not has said. Because it’s practically unheard of that you would have met your soulmate- your literal twin flame or whatever- before that. Which is why, Steve is staring at the words on his wrist in absolute shock because either he’s heard this a million times or he’s heard it very specifically once and he doesn’t know which one it is.

/“Harrington, right?”/

Lit up like a match by nagdabbit (1/1 | 4,043 | General)

And then in swooped Lillian fucking Hargrove. Lillian with sun lightened curls and miles and miles of tanned skin. Lilly with a fight in her belly and a fire in her eyes. Billy with a mean right hook and permanent bruises that Steve was too late to identify. Billy who didn't seem to know soft or sweet or kind. Who didn't seem to know what to do with Steve, so she settled for hating him instead.

On a Friday night, in a Chicago dive, Steve meets a familiar face.

Keep me in your glow by nagdabbit (1/1 | 1,770 | General)

He was a face in a crowd, and usually he could remember that. Usually he could find comfort in that. That there was a whole world spinning on, and it didn’t revolve around him.

But some days, someone would go out of their way to let Billy know just what they thought of him. A stranger with a cruel, twisted face would come right up and spit insults and curses at him that left his hands shaking and eyes burning with a fear that he’d thought he’d left back in Hawkins

Sometimes people are dicks, and Steve makes it better by rambling.

Bruises by I_Will_Die_With_This_Ship (1/1 | 1,213 | Not Rated)

On their fifth birthday, a person would get something on them to indicate who their soulmate was. Be it a symbol, a name, an initial, or in Steve's case, a bruise.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings, self harm

and they lived happily ever after by pratintraining (10/10 | 14,526 | Teen+)

Ever After Inc. was a small family-owned business that dealt in organizing and facilitating fairy tale Happily Ever Afters for their clients. Owned by the Harringtons, they've built a reputation for themselves over the years in using the tiny bit of magic they have to look at a person and put them in just the right place at the right time to make good things happen for them. Their most famous service was being able to unite soulmates. As their tagline said, "It's not chance, and it's not just fate. It's Ever After." (And then came the harp that started their trademark jingle.)

Steve gets hired to find a soulmate for Princess Nancy. He tries his best, and everything works out. Rated T for some swears.

let lips do what hands do by halfofmysoul (1/1 | 7,284 | General)

In a world where soulmates are rare and cause you to see in color, Billy and Steve collide on Venice Beach when they're nine years old.

warnings: graphic depictions of violence, domestic violence, homophobic language

We've All Got Bruises by deansangel_cas97 (1/1 | 2,296 | Not Rated)

Steve doesn't remember the first bruises. All he remembers is that one day he was fine, and then the next morning a bright purple and yellow bruise was blossoming on his chest and a small round one on his cheek.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings (and judging by the summary id recommend proceeding w/caution if you’re easily triggered)

Open Book by tracy7307 (1/1 | 2,559 | Explicit)

When Steve was fifteen, he received a parchment, just like every fifteen-year-old did. It was about the size of a half a sheet of notebook paper, and he knew that if he pressed an inky thumbprint to it, it would reveal one simple word that would be associated heavily with his soulmate -- sometimes it was a name, sometimes an eye color, sometimes an important object to that person, or the first word they’d say to you. Sometimes there was no word at all, for those who were meant to be happiest with no romantic partner.

“Here goes nothin,” he said, and pressed his inked thumb to the parchment. His stomach swooped low and nervous as he waited for the word to form, terrified for several seconds that it might actually remain blank, but then a word appeared in faint ink and grew darker, eventually turned vivid and black in front of him.

CAMARO

If it Keeps on Rainin', Levee's Goin' to Break by shocked_into_shame (1/1 | 10,255 | Explicit)

In a world where soulmates only know they are soulmates until they kiss and the bond is sealed, Steve is afraid that he's never going to meet his missing piece.

And there's no way in hell that Billy - who makes Steve's blood boil day in and day out - could possibly be that missing piece.

No way.

[a soulmate AU]

i wanna be (the place you call home) by wickedlittleoz (1/1 | 2,213 | Mature)

But there were a lot of Steves in this world and Billy hardly thought he’d meet his soulmate in a shitty hole like Hawkins.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings, implied/referenced suicide

My Heart Knew by LadyFrandrews (14/14 | 29,766 | Mature)

He knows his reputation isn't the best, but he's never messed around when it comes to his heart.

Before she died, his Ma spoke to him all the time about what having a soulmate meant. But he's seen what happens when your soulmate dies and he doesn't want his. Not if it means he's going to turn into his old man. Or try to make a pretend, happy family with someone else who's lost their soulmate too.

He was doing just fine until they uprooted and replanted themselves in Hawkins. His pendant never changed temperature until they got closer and closer to this shitty little town.

He absolutely ignored the prickling it caused underneath his skin the night at Tina's Halloween party. It's been months.

keep your heart open (i'll keep mine open too) by callunavulgari (1/1 | 7,915 | Explicit)

“Did you even like me before you found out I was your soulmate?” Billy murmurs as he kisses a line down Steve’s throat. It bobs a little under his lips as Steve swallows, and Billy can feel Steve’s fingers digging into his hips, but he isn’t pushing him away.

“I don’t even like you now,” Steve says, but it’s a little too breathless, a little too much of a lie. Billy looks at him, and presses a careful kiss to the bruise on Steve’s jaw.

Steve’s eyes are dark, and he isn’t pushing Billy away.

Billy bites down on Steve’s ear, murmurs into it, “Liar.”

warnings: child abuse, recreational drug use

You're ripped at every edge (but you're a masterpiece) by BarbarianBillyHargrove (1/1 | 4,445 | Teen+)

When Billy showed up on the Byer’s doorstep, Steve watched with a red haze as he contemplated what it meant. His first soul match had failed- or was on the way there. And his second appeared to be a mistake. He’d heard stories of one-sided soul bonds, they were messy and ended only with disaster. This is what Steve thought about when purple blended with red and he lost consciousness to his potential soulmate’s fists.

warnings: child abuse

The Undertow by Ceose (1/1 | 2,563 | General)

Billy is born with his mark.

warnings: character chose not to use archive warnings, off screen character suicide/death

The Sapling by flippyspoon (1/1 | 3,641 | Mature)

Billy's mark appears.

To The Edge by Greedy_Insanity (1/1 | 1,963 | Teen+)

When your soulmates last words are on your wrist, do you really want to meet your soulmate?

Or two teenage boys deny their love for each other, until they realize they can't.

warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings

Love Me Rotten by Rebldomakr (1/1 | 1,084 | Mature)

Steve was born with a crudely drawn sun on the middle of his chest, Billy was born with a garland around his wrist.

[all-things-skam]

Jens’ Season: Chapter seven

Saturday, February 15th

Freshly woken up, Jens stared at his ceiling, deep in his thoughts. He had slept for over twelve hours, but somehow still felt exhausted.

Now that the Xanax had worn off, he was left to face his thoughts, the same ones he tried to escape last night - with the addition of guilt.

The bag of pills sat louder than usual in his drawer, a reminder of yesterday’s moment of weakness. Jens wasn’t proud of himself for having taken a Xanax. But, sometimes, when your brain gets too loud and all you want is for it to stop, you make impulsive choices, bad choices. The severity of your choice only hits you the following morning, when you come back to your senses.

It’s not like he could go back in time though. What was done was done. But, he still felt remorse.

Even though it felt good.

Jens closed his eyes, turning over, about to fall back asleep when he saw that Lucas was trying to FaceTime.

He smiled, seeing his boyfriend's pouty face on his phone screen and answered. ‘’Hey, beautiful.’’

Lucas reciprocated the smile, but not fully. ‘’Hey… You never returned my messages last night. Everything okay?’’ he asked, pushing his fringe away from his face, voice a little worried.

Shit.

‘’Erm, yeah...sorry. I fell asleep super early.’’

Although it wasn’t a lie, Jens felt bad for omitting the truth to Lucas about his evening. But he couldn’t tell him about the Xanax, not after he promised he wasn’t taking any, not over Facetime. If the cat were to be out of the bag, it would be in person. It’s too easy to hang up on someone instead of listening to them.

‘’Oh. It’s okay,’’ Lucas said. The screen joistled, becoming a little blurry from the movements as Lucas adjusted his position on the couch, the bright yellow wall of his living room peeking in the background. ‘’I spent all night binge watching your Broerrrs vlogs.’’

Jens raised an eyebrow. ‘’All of them?’’

He had never counted how many vlogs they’ve posted on YouTube, but there was at least a dozen - if not more. They weren’t very long vlogs, but it was a commitment to binge them all. Jens found it cute that Lucas had spent his evening watching the vlogs - regardless how cringe-y some were.

Lucas hummed proudly. ‘’I missed your pretty face. And, you weren’t responding to my messages.’’

Jens scoffed. ‘’My face, uh?’’

‘’Yeah…’’ A light blush spread on Lucas’ cheeks and ears, biting back a grin. ‘’I’ll admit, you looked mighty fine in that wetsuit. Zero points for the wakeboarding skills, though...but it's not really what I was interested in.'' The brunet smirked, holding the camera closer. ''I was in the mood for something else. Too bad you were sleeping, I had to take matters into my own hands - literally. Wasn’t as good as the real thing though.’’

‘’No?’’ Jens said, faking innocence. ‘’You like my hand better?’’

‘’Your mouth, actually,’’ Lucas corrected, blunt. ‘’Those full lips aren’t just good for talking,’’ he added, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth.

Heat rushed to Jens’ cheeks, but he wasn't embarrassed. He was pretty smug about it. Judging by the appreciative noises Lucas made whenever he went down on him, Jens had nothing to be embarrassed about.

Someone called Lucas’ name and he looked behind him, the screen going black as the phone fell on his chest. Jens could hear some voices, but it was hushed by Lucas’ hoodie material.

‘’Gotta go,’’ Lucas announced, returning to Jens.

‘’You’re kidding me?!’’

‘’My mom needs me to go grocery shopping. And then, I’m meeting up with Kes and Jayden.’’

The fucking tease.

Blood had started rushing down, feeling himself growing hard under his boxers. ‘’You can’t say shit like that and then...leave. Luc, come on! Don’t leave me hanging-’’

Lucas shrugged. ‘’Payback’s a bitch.’’ He blew a kiss and winked at the camera before ending the call.

The screen went black as Lucas hung up, disconnecting the call. Jens stared at his phone, mouth open slightly, having been cut off before he could protest any more. He felt his dick twitch and groaned in frustration, a reminder of his growing problem. What was he supposed to do now? Jerk off to the stains on his ceiling? He doubted it would work.

Lucas: Here’s something to help with your...problem. Took it last night with the thought of you 😏🍆✨

[Image attached]

Jens' mouth went dry as he stared at the photo.

Fuck.

A bare stomach, shirt bunched up near the lens and a hand sliding underneath sweatpants, mid-tone trail of hair vanishing into the darkness. The grey sweatpants had a significant tent and Jens knew it wasn't only Lucas' hand that was hidden under.

He clicked on the photo, making it fill his phone screen, gaze lingering on Lucas' smooth stomach, moles scattered here and there in various sizes. He recognized the fading hickey right on his hip bone, a memory from when Jens slept over at Lucas’. The bad lighting of what he assumed was Lucas' bedroom highlighted just enough to make Jens take a breath and reach into his boxers, mimicking Lucas' last night activities.

.

Monday, February 17th

Picking up his sister at school wasn’t Jens’ initial Monday plan. After spending a weekend apart, Lucas and him had planned to go to Lucas’ place after school to...hangout. While jerking off to Lucas’ explicit picture had done the job, it wasn’t as good as the real thing.

But their plan had been cut short when Jens’ mom couldn’t join their dad and his sister had no one to pick her up from school.

‘’Is this okay?’’ Lucas asked as they walked to Lotte’s school. He hadn't met any member of Jens’ family yet, he wanted to check with Jens first - even if Jens was the one who asked to come along.

Jens furrowed his eyebrows, confused. ‘’Why would it not be?’’

Lucas shrugged. ‘’I don’t know. She’s never met me. Won’t it be weird for her?’’

‘’No. She might pester you with tons of questions, but I don’t think she’ll catch on for us.’’

‘’Do you not want to tell her?’’

‘’It’s not that. I don’t even think she knows what bisexual means.’’

Even though Lotte was smart for her age, Jens doubted she had learned those big terms. The vastness of sexuality wasn't something they taught kids at school.

They stopped as they reached the school’ gate and Jens checked the time on his phone. Seven minutes left until class ends.

Jens leaned his back against the fence and listened as Lucas was telling him about his weekend. He told him about Isa getting drunk and singing karaoke, missing all the notes to this super cheesy love song. It was horrible - and hilarious. Lucas’ ears were still bleeding from the screeching and how off key she sounded. Jayden had made a video, but sadly Lucas didn’t have it.

As Jens was listening to Lucas’ other anecdotes from his weekend in Utrecht, both boys started getting dirty looks from other parents from simply holding hands. Lucas noticed first, his smile falling as he became very self-conscious of his surroundings, and let go of Jens’ hand. Jens didn’t comment on it, narrowing his eyes at the close minded, homophobic moms.

The final bell rang and kids poured out the front doors like a giant tidal wave. Lotte saw her brother and ran up to him giving him a hug from behind. “Where’s Mama? She was supposed to pick me up today.”

‘’Mom had to replace someone at work. She sent me instead,’’ he responded, reaching behind himself and putting a hand on her shoulder to hug her back.

‘’Where’s your jacket? Mama said to wear it this morning or you’re gonna get sick,’’ Lotte’ voice asked, standing behind her brother, noticing his absence of outwear.

‘’Someone stole it,’’ Jens defended, turning around to face her.

‘’Liar.’’ Jens made a face at her - very mature - and she glanced at Lucas, not recognizing him. ‘’Who are you?’’ she asked, giving him a look.

Her tone was a bit rude, but Lucas smiled at her. She’s a kid, he reminded himself. ‘’I’m Lucas. You must be Lotte? Jens told me about you.’’

She pulled her eyebrows together. ‘’He did?’’ Lucas hummed. ‘’Well, I never heard of you. How long have you and Jens been friends for? You’ve never come around before with Robbe or the other guys?”

Lucas laughed and gave Jens a look, not knowing what to say. Lucky for him, Jens came to his rescue.

‘’Lucas is coming home with us. We...we have a school project to work on,’’ he lied. ‘’And...he’s not just my friend, Lotte. Lucas is my boyfriend.’’

‘’Your boyfriend?’’ she repeated, a bit confused. ‘’Don’t you mean girlfriend? Where did Jana go?’’

The thing with children was that they have no filters - and always asked tons of questions. Lucky for him, Lotte loved Jana and liked to constantly ask about her absence.

‘’We are not together anymore.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Because we're just not.’’ Jens sighed, getting impatient and irritated by his sister’s questions. ‘’Now, let’s go.’’ He took her hand and they were on their way.

Lotte didn’t notice Jens irritation and proceeded to ramble on as they made their way home. Kids had a lot of things to say at this age.

Jens pulled out his keys to unlock the door when Lotte reminded him about her dance recital.

‘’I have a dance spectacle on Thursday, will you be there? Dad said he’ll be there,’’ she said, excitedly. ‘’He said he’ll bring me flowers.’’

‘’I’ll be in the front row.’’

‘’You’ll be coming too, right?’’ she asked Lucas, taking the brunet by surprise.

He hadn't expected Lotte to invite him, given how haughty she acted to him minutes ago, but kids can be surprising.

‘’If that’s alright with Jens,’’ Lucas responded, glancing at his boyfriend for approval.

Jens looked between his sister and his boyfriend. ‘’I should be asking you the same. My parents will be there. You ready to meet them?’’

.

Tuesday, February 18th

Taking a break from his homework, Jens decided to get something to eat. He had eaten dinner less than an hour ago, but was still hungry. This paper was due tomorrow and he wasn't half-way done. Maybe he was stress eating? Who knows.

Jens was almost at the end of the stairs, thinking whether he should take cookies or chips when he saw his father’s laptop and dress shoes in the entrance, next to his sister’s pink rain boots. He furrowed his eyebrows. It was possible that his dad didn’t need his laptop, that they had computers at his job, but why would he leave work without his shoes? And why was he not home yet? It was way past 5pm.

Should he call his mom? What was his dad’s work’s company name? Maybe he can make a call and ask if he’s at his desk or if someone named Mohamed Stoffels works for them? If he wasn’t at work, where was he? His car wasn’t in the driveway, he had to be somewhere.

.

Wednesday, February 19th

Aaron: Is tomorrow alright with everyone?

Robbe: Good for me!

Moyo: Me too!

Aaron: Jens?

Jens’ phone buzzed on his bed, lost under his textbooks. The History test that had been reported was happening tomorrow and Jens had completely forgotten until he heard some girl mention it in class. He and Lucas’ studying attempt hadn’t been a success in terms of real studying so Jens had to power through and learn everything in less than 24h.

Why is he so last minute?

Jens: Can’t

Jens: I’m going to my sister’s dance spectacle. Can’t miss it

Moyo: We need to film a Broerrrs vlog soon though. I know we posted on Valentine’s Day, but we filmed that almost a month ago. We need new content

Robbe: I’m going to lunch with Sander and his mom on Saturday and visiting my mom on Sunday

Jens: Why don’t we just plan something for next week? Like on Wednesday? We can do something at the skatepark?

Aaron: That sounds good to me. I’m free that day

Moyo: So, Amber finally let you off your leash 😂

Aaron: 🖕🏻

Robbe: That works for me as well

Jens: Cool. See everybody on Wednesday after school

.

Thursday, February 20th

Jens waited for Lucas outside the auditorium Lotte’s dance spectacle was held at. He checked his phone, waiting for an update from Lucas about his journey. He said he was close to the venue, but that was ten minutes ago. Where was he?

From here, he could hear the group of hostile parents ranting about their children' talent and how their child was better than everyone else and tearing others down. Jens hated this kind of parents. They were showing toxic behavior to their kids and teaching them the wrong way of being competitive.

A head of curls turned the corner and Jens smiled, seeing Lucas had dressed up a bit for the occasion, having switched his blue jeans for black ones and a less wrinkly tee shirt. It was cute that he put effort and wanted to look good, make a good impression when meeting his boyfriend's parents.

''Am I late?'' he asked, seeing a few parents getting inside and a lot of cars in the parking lot. ''I was on the phone with Kes and didn't see time pass.''

Jens put his phone in his pocket and shook his head. ''No. You're good.'' He stole a kiss from Lucas, lingering as if they hadn't seen each other at school two hours ago. Did he put cologne on? ''Ready to meet my mom?''

Lucas made a quiet noise but smiled, nodding. He hadn’t said anything, but his stomach was knotted with a small stress from meeting Jens’ parents. Jens said his parents would like him, but Lucas couldn’t help but think: ‘what if they don’t?’. After all, he was the first boy Jens would introduce to them.

''Mom.''

Fenna stopped her conversation with the woman next to her and glanced at her son. She smiled, seeing that he wasn't alone. ''You must be Lucas. My daughter told me about you. 'Jens' new ‘girlfriend'.''

Lucas chuckled at Lotte's word mixing and nodded. ''Yeah. That's me.''

“It’s very nice to meet you, Lucas. You must like Jens very much to come to an 8 years old’s dance recital.”

Jens face turned bright red as his mom teased him, fulfilling her motherly duty to embarrass her son.

Lucas grinned, leaning back against Jens. ‘’Actually, Lotte invited me. I hope I'm not intruding.’’

Fenna shook her head. ''Not at all. I’m glad she invited you. Otherwise, I don’t know when nor if Jens would’ve told me about you.’’

Jens rolled his eyes. ‘’Of course I would've. It’s just very recent, Mom.’’

‘’Don’t just stand there. Have a seat.'' She took her purse from the chair beside her and Jens sat down, Lucas doing the same next to him. ''Get ready to be amazed at the amount of glitter and squealing that is about to happen.”

.

‘’Where were you?’’ Jens asked the second his dad came home, turning on the small lamp.

He had been waiting for him in the living room, lights turned off, like parents do in movies when their kids miss curfew. Jens knew his mom wouldn’t confront him about missing Lotte’s dance spectacle, but seeing how upset his sister was, his dad needed to be questioned.

‘’You missed Lotte’s dance spectacle.’’

‘’It was tonight?’’ He removed his jacket, hanging it on the hooks in the entrance. ‘’I got held back at work. I’m sorry-’’

‘’I’m not the one you should apologize to. You promised her you’d be there. Do you know how heartbroken she was when she came on stage and didn’t see you in the front row?’’

‘’I’ll be there next time.’’

Bullshit. Jens scoffed. ‘’Don't make promises you know you can’t keep. Everyone might buy your lies, but I don’t.’’

Mohamed frowned, confused. ‘’What is this about?’’

‘’I’m the one who had to hold her while she cried after her dance performance because you weren’t there. I’m the one who picked her up on Monday because you weren’t answering your phone. I’m the one who took you to bed the night you got so drunk you couldn’t take off your shoes on your own. I’m the one who is helping mom around the house because you’re never there. We’re about to lose the house because of you. Because instead of picking yourself back up, you pile on the lies and assume we’re all blind enough to not notice.’’

‘’I’m tired of always having to cover for you every time you fuck up. You’re the father figure in this family, not me.’’

‘’I’m doing better now, I have a job and-’’

‘’Do you even have a job? Or is it another one of your lies? Because I saw your work shoes and laptop at the bottom of the stairs on Tuesday and I’m 99% certain you left the house with them in the morning.’’

Mohamed’s face tightened and Jens’ eyes grew wide, realizing that he had just confronted his father and was right about him lying.

“Go to your room. It’s late and you have school tomorrow.”

‘’Are you sending me to my room because I’m out of line or because I’m right?’’

Jens didn’t wait for his dad’s response, walking over to the stairs and going to his room, like he was ordered to.

He closed his bedroom door behind him and locked it. His heart was beating fast behind his chest, reeled up from the argument with his dad. He hadn’t meant to get this heated nor to confront him about everything, but once he started talking, he just word-vomited the rest.

Jens wished their conversation hadn’t gone like that, but he couldn’t keep everything in anymore. He had enough.

He wondered if his mom had heard them? They didn’t yell, but it was pretty intense. Jens didn't care though. If anything, it was a good thing that his mom heard. Now, she knew about her husband's lies.

He felt a tightening pain in his chest and his mind was racing. Running his hands over his face, Jens needed to calm down or else he wouldn't be able to sleep. He went to his dresser, pulled it open, and groaned, remembering that he was still out of weed. He needs to see Michiel and ask for more soon.

The bag of Xanax stared at him in the drawer, a couple white pills left in it, right next to his rolling paper. He had told himself he wouldn’t take Xanax again, but it was - again - his only option tonight.

Once the pill swallowed, Jens went to lay on his bed and curled up on himself, waiting for the medication to kick in.

.

Friday, February 21st

‘’Where are we meeting them?’’

‘’The bar in front of the café. You know, the one you met Sander and Robbe at?’’ Jens explained, pulling on his shoes and fishing his keys from his jacket to lock the door on his way out.

Lucas hummed.

The bar that they usually go to was having a half off drink special, so they decided that they should all go out and have a guys night. Robbe had invited Sander and suggested that Jens ask Lucas to come as well. Moyo and Aaron had already met Lucas so him tagging along wouldn’t cause too much suspicion. And, it’s not like they would all stay together inside the bar - at least, not all night.

‘’I was hoping it would be just the two of us tonight,’’ Lucas said with a pout, looking too cute for his own good.

Jens sighed, stepping forward where Lucas was standing. ‘’Me too, but I can’t always blow my friends off. We can always sneak into the bathroom or something? I’m sure we’ll find a place to make out.’’

Lucas smirked. ‘’I like this idea very very much.’’ He leaned his head against Jens’ and brought their lips together, winding his arms around Jens neck, and snaking a hand in his hair.

Their kiss was short as Jens pulled back, suddenly reminded of something.

‘’I forgot something upstairs. I’ll be quick.’’

Sighing, Lucas let go of him and Jens hurried upstairs, climbing the stairs two by two to save time.

He opened his top drawer and reached for the bag of pills, fully aware that Lucas was waiting downstairs and that he was doing this behind his back. Jens contemplated if he should take one, knowing Moyo would have weed on him and would share a blunt with them and he’d feel the same. But, he wanted the high now and knew the effects of Xanax were much faster and more efficient than weed.

Just as he was about to pop it into his mouth, Lucas opened his bedroom door and came up behind him.

‘’Jens, Robbe asked if we were on our way- What are you doing?!’’

Whirling around, Jens saw Lucas standing in his doorway, blue eyes wide and staring right at the Xanax he was about to take. Fuck.

‘’You said you weren’t taking any. You lied to me.’’ Lucas shook his head, stepping back.

Jens tried to reach out and explain what was happening, but Lucas was backing away from him, completely disconcerted. He didn’t know what hurt more; that his boyfriend had lied to him or that he had snuck upstairs to take this shit.

‘’Sorry, I..I have to go home,’’ Lucas said, voice shaky as he turned on his heels and raced down the stairs.

Cursing under his breath, Jens dropped the pill and went after him. ‘’Luc, wait!’’

[shoobiedoobie99]

Lincoln’s POV: 

Nova and I have spent the last couple months at the Mt. Komorebi Academy for Gifted Students. Living in Mt. Ko has been a blast, and we’ve made so many new friends and learned so many new skills. When I first got here, I couldn’t stop thinking about my friend Romeo from home. I began having sexual thoughts about him, which had never occurred to me before. A lot of girls at the academy were throwing themselves at me when I first got here, but none of them really sparked my interest. Then I met Connor. While not a girl, I became extremely attracted to Connor, and found myself thinking about him all the time. I began to process my thoughts and realized I had never actually been interested in girls at all. I hadn’t come out yet, and Connor didn’t really seem like a guy who was stereotypically gay, but I guess I don’t seem that way either. I decided to fantasize about Connor only in my mind, and focus on studying and enjoying Mt. Komorebi while I was here. 

Nova and I joined the climbing team and it was really fun and a great way to meet new people; I loved the thrill and seeing myself get stronger and stronger, but Nova definitely just liked it for the simstagram posts, whatever, she was still super good. We also went snowboarding and skiing everyday, and we got pretty good. Nova’s roommate, Rosalie, always liked to tag along (honestly, I think she had a little crush on Nova), but Rosalie was pretty trash at skiing and ended up holding us up most of the time...

One day we were skiing, and Nova had a pretty bad fall that left her concussed. We called home and Dad said he wanted us to come home together the next morning. It was close enough to summer that we would be fine to leave the semester a little bit early. 

It was the our last night a Mt. Komorebi Academy (at least until summer was over), and I just couldn’t leave without expressing to Connor how I felt. I struck up a conversation with him in the dining hall, and we clicked almost immediately. This connection would have been good enough for me, but as we were talking pretty passionately about fitness, Connor slipped his hand on my thigh and started to brush it up and down my thigh, a couple times getting pretty close to my crotch. I ended up getting hard, and I think he noticed. Connor asked me if I wanted to continue talking up in his room. When we got to his room we both sat down on his bed, and continued our conversation. As we were talking he put his hand on my thigh again, but this time started to lean really far into me. I expressed eagerness in my eyes, and his hand moved from my thigh to my dick. He let out a giggle when he felt that I was already hard, and he started palming over my pants. I tried my best to keep from moaning, but I had never done this before, and it felt so good. I leaned in to kiss him and we began rolling around and making out on the bed. I thought my chest was gonna explode from how fast my heart was beating, I mean, I was finally hooking up with my campus crush!

We kept kissing and touching, and he asked me if it was okay to take my clothes off. I told him I’d never done this before, but I really wanted to. Connor assured me that everything was gonna be okay, and began removing my clothes. He then got up off the bed, leaving me lying there naked. I was super confused as he went to grab something from his dresser. I got nervous for a second thinking about all the hazing of other gay kids on campus. What if it was a camera and he was gonna spread a naked picture of me around school? But it ended up being fine. He grabbed a condom and bottle of lube. I let out a sigh of relief, but then the nervousness picked up as I had no idea what was about to happen. 

Connor returned to the bed and put the condom on his penis. He asked me if he could put it inside of me, because it would make me feel really good. I obliged. Connor grabbed the lube and squirted a bunch of it onto his fingers. Thats when it happened- Connor shoved two fingers into my butt, and honestly, I did not expect it to feel so good. I began moaning and squirming in Connors arms, and then he whispered, “just you wait,” into my ears. Connor removed his fingers from me and grabbed the lube again, putting it on his condom-covered penis. He pressed his tip on the outside of my hole and began circling around it, moaning himself. He slowly put it in me and began pumping back and forth, I couldn’t believe how good it felt. 

After a while, we both came. I was so happy that I finally got to hookup with my campus crush, it just sucks that I have to leave tomorrow. I grew nervous that maybe there were other gay kids at school that Connor was also hooking up with, but I tried not to think about it. 

THE NEXT DAY

Nova and I hopped on a plane back home, and she was asking where I was last night as I didn’t show up to our going away party. Nova said she got pretty drunk and made out with 3 guys, which I told her was the wrong thing to do as she was concussed. A lot of the boys at school really liked Nova. I guess she's cool, and she looks somewhat like me so she has to be good-looking, but I did my best at dodging her questions saying I was tired. She called me lame and proceeded to pass out for the entire plane ride. Luckily, I had the time to think what or if I was gonna say something to Nova about my newfound sexuality. Nova has always been my twin and best friend, but I’m scared because I know some of her friends have made somewhat homophobic comments before, and who knows if they’ve changed her...

BACK HOME

We went out to the swings because nobody was home, and we started to reminisce on our time at the academy. Then it happened, I decided to tell Nova that I thought I was gay. Much to my surprise Nova laughed. I gave her a puzzled look and she just said “duh.” Apparently she’s known since we were younger and I’d direct her photoshoots and pick out her outfits, she also said she felt as though we were competing for Romeo’s attention when we were younger. We both started to laugh. I told Nova that I hooked up with Connor and she asked to hear all of the details- which I gave her most, but definitely not all.... 

I was just happy to be able to share my truth with my best friend

[gendercynicalgrantaire]

A little bit ago I saw you make a comment about how radfems fail to realize there are trans normies. I've been thinking about it and I wanted to ask, other than yourself, do you know very many trans people irl who are normies who don't have any explicitly homophobic or misogynist ideas about gender and sexuality? I know they exist. But I've been disappointed by more than 1 transman who I thought cared about me and respected me as a lesbian when we really got into discussions about sexual orientation. Like I try not to become jaded but its really hard when I have trans friends I trusted for a long time and then they tell me same sex attraction is harmful or that gender roles are innate (ie: "I know I'm not a woman bc I don't vibe with xyz stereotype that I believe is true for every other woman I meet unless she identifies otherwise". I don't think every trans person is a actively toxic or anything but I feel like homophobia and misogyny is so rampant and explicit from the trans community in current year it's really hard not to be jaded as a defense mechanism.

Hi! So I found the post you were talking about. The intention I was trying to communicate wasn’t so much that normie trans people are unproblematic in their views of gender, but more so that there are trans people out in the world just trying to live their lives who aren’t narcissistic manipulators like a lot of internet TRAs might come off as.

When I call trans people “trans normies,” I’m defining that as trans people who are mostly not online and mostly not involved in trans discourse. And trans normies, like other kinds of normie, sadly tend to have some unexamined assumptions about how things work based on the dominant culture they were raised in.

Most of the trans people I know irl fall into one of two categories: the ones I meet at PFLAG meetings or trans-centric spaces, and the very rare ones encountered out in the wild. I’m going to hazard a guess that most trans normies are the latter-- they tend not to run in circles with many other trans people, and they also tend to be more interested in passing to blend in, both of which make them more difficult to find. They, like me, tend not to really run in the “trans community.” And admittedly, it’s even rarer that I meet a visibly trans person in the wild that I grow close enough to that I learn all about their gender philosophy, because I too have internalized assumptions about other trans people’s feelings that make me jaded against them (I’m trying not to fall into the idea that I’m “not like other troons” lol), and I’m trying to work through it to find and see if there are ones who have gender philosophies I can vibe with.

Most trans people whose gender philosophies I have heard, then, are the ones I meet in PFLAG and trans-centric groups. So probably a little less normie, but there are still normies mixed in there. And I’m not gonna lie, some of the ideas I hear make me cringe a little or feel like they would quickly fall apart if poked at. I don’t know if there’s a single trans philosophy out there that’s going to satisfy the gender critical community. But what I can say for trans people is that the vast majority of them that I have met irl believe in the following (paraphrased):

- If someone’s sexuality/dating pool excludes me, that’s their business. It can be a little disheartening knowing how small my dating pool is, but trying to convince people who don’t want to date trans people to date trans people is not a solution. I want a partner who loves me for me, not one who pretends to love me for woke points.

- XYZ stereotype does not mean that someone is a man/woman/nonbinary. (Insert just about anything in the XYZ. The trans and nonbinary people I meet in real life are also some of the most pro-gnc-cis-people people I know.)

- I am consciously aware of how I make cis people uncomfortable, and I make a conscious effort to mitigate that discomfort to the best of my ability while still living authentically and keeping myself safe.

- Cis women can have their own spaces. It doesn’t concern me.

- Obviously there are issues that only impact natal females and ones that only impact natal males.

- I understand that I have the biology of a certain sex. I might be uncomfortable with having a body of that kind, maybe even to the point where I don’t like to use the anatomical terms to describe my body in contexts where I can avoid it, but I’m obviously different from a [cis man/cis woman]. If I didn’t understand that, I wouldn’t be calling myself transgender.

I make these points because of their relationship with gc discourse. It’s inconvenient for gendercrits and radfems to acknowledge that there are trans people who feel this way. It’s even more inconvenient to know that the number of trans people who feel this way is not insignificant and thereby easy to dismiss.

In particular, I want to focus on the second point: stereotypes do not a gender make. Because honestly, most of the trans women at the PFLAG meetings aren’t talking about how they played with dolls as kids or how they just love being expected to wear make-up (often in an effort to pass, because unfortunately our gendered society does turn make-up into a tool for reading as female), and the trans men there run the gamut from hyper-masc to fairly feminine. There are a variety of trans philosophies I’ve listened to that stray away from the idea that simple gender stereotypes make a gender.

More often the story is one of alienation -- alienation from one’s body, from one’s appearance, and/or especially from society. And this alienation usually disappears (or at least fades into background noise) once transition has been undertaken. The trans person in question might not always have a satisfactory explanation for why that is -- and again, I don’t think any explanation fits the radfem/gc ideal -- but it is distinct from the rhetoric “wigs and dresses don’t make you a woman,” “lack of those things doesn’t make you a man,” which trans people are generally well aware of. This is what I hear most often from other trans people regardless of sexuality, mental health history, class, or any other dividing lines that gendercrits like to use to explain trans people away as simple, easily dismissible categories (think Blanchardianism).

Hmm...I hope that answers your question? I know I probably went off the rails there. Again, I can’t claim that trans normies can’t be problematic, or even that most of them aren’t problematic. Most normies in general are problematic because they tend to live less examined lives. But I also know there are trans people out there willing to listen to and calmly discuss the other side of things, especially if their viewpoint is just parroting what they’ve generally heard from the mainstream side of trans discourse.

In that regard, you’ll have the most luck with passing trans people and trans people who’ve been settled into their identity for a while. Non-passing and newly-out trans people tend to be defensive and self-conscious in a way that more seasoned and socially integrated trans people just aren’t. That’s another post in and of itself though. If a trans friend of yours says something along the lines of “I know I'm not a woman bc I don't vibe with xyz stereotype that I believe is true for every other woman I meet unless she identifies otherwise” (if they use that wording -- not sure if that second part is what they actually say or just the implication you’re picking up on, but chances are they don’t think every woman vibes with it and just need that pointed out) but they also seem like a chill person and you feel safe doing so, don’t be afraid to calmly and casually bring up a point of disagreement. It might not be something they fiercely cling to or have even really thought through all that much.