#I don’t have much to say unfortunately. a lot of personal stuff that I’m trying to tackle one step at a time and hope for the best

[scentofhydrangea]

hi, i’m a cj major and my dad is a lawyer! i just called him to ask about all of these and i’d love to provide an answer for the questions you are confused about!

please note that i am not a certified law official and to take what i say with a grain of salt. i am simply trying to supply some answers for those of you who are totally lost with everything going on. continue to keep luigi and his lawyers on your mind!!!

1. bomb/silent

new york is one of those states that just does everything weird or different compared to most other states, and silencers are (i’m pretty sure) fully illegal in new york. they are also federally illegal if you 3D print them, don’t pay your tags on them, or obtain them illegally. bombs and silencers are illegal in new york. when you are charged with a crime, they (prosecutors/state/judge) try and charge you with as much as possible in hopes to find you guilty. it’s sad and unfair, but unfortunately true.

3. dna and fingerprinting

fingerprints nowadays are extremely unreliable as everyone touches everything. however, they can be helpful on direct objects such as a gun. neither my dad or i have a direct answer, but i’m assuming that they either found no fingerprints on the gun or there are no fingerprints on the gun at all. they could be smudged or damaged in every place where a fingerprint would have been, which will also make it hard. to find a fingerprint, they need to have it in full condition in order to identify the person.

i also agree that it is weird that — as far as we know — they are not looking for any other person or even showing interest in looking. and i agree, the faces don’t match at all. ridiculous. but they should have some kind of facial analysis unit in the FBI, no? they need to look closer into the facial structures instead of all of these charges, imo.

4. forged instruments

they are talking about the ID! i don’t know if you’re asking about other stuff pertaining to the ID, but the charge is referring to the ID. not the gun.

5. both terrorism charges

i thought that it was completely unnecessary too! however, looking at the FBI (legal) definition of terrorism (i would paste but my phone won’t let me… you can find by looking up the legal definition of terrorism and going to the fbi.gov website!!) it says that domestic terrorism is violent, criminal acts committed by individuals and/or groups to further ideological goals stemming from domestic influences, such as those of political, religious, social, racial, or environmental nature.

now i will explain how they classify it as terrorism:

violent, criminal acts (shooting and killing) committed by individuals (shooter) … to further ideological goals stemming from domestic influences, such as those of political, religious or social (the idea that insurance groups are bad and only use you for money, etc) …

i don’t know if new york goes by the same policy since these are all state charges, but i guess we’ll see in february. i still firmly support the idea that the shooter is not luigi at all in any way, shape or form.

7. assault rifle

again, a new york thing! neither my dad or i have a direct explanation for this either, but this is just one of those charges i was referring to that they throw on you to try and make you look more guilty. we don’t really understand it because we aren’t in new york and don’t study new york law :( i wish i had more answers for this one!!

9. this is the “federal” complaint

another new york thing: they say “supreme court” but they really just mean the supreme court of the state. not supreme court like ruth bader ginsberg (rip)

i know thats not your question but i just had to address that

this is another one that we can’t really explain and is just weird. this is a high profile case and a lot of what they charged him with is just trying to make the prosecutor look better if he is found guilty. this happens pretty often, even for traffic cases as simple as running a red light. a lot of prosecutors will try really hard to cover high profile cases so that if they find you guilty for any small thing then it looks a lot better on them. unfortunately not a lot of responses to this one either :(

the interstate facility stuff is also weird. it’s literally exactly how it sounds: using interstate roads and crossing state lines in order to commit a crime. 🙄🙄🙄

yes, the nypd is overcharging him!!! this is only for the fact that, like i said, they are trying to make him look a lot more guilty! if he is found guilty for these things, it makes them look better.

i hope i was able to help you out some!!! 🩷🩷🩷 i am always available for questions lovebug!!

Hey legal tumblr, I have some questions about the charges Luigi Mangione has

Generally looking to know what they mean and generally just looking to converse with someone who knows more about law because some of these are flabbergasting.

What is the first one, exactly? It says bomb/silent.

I cannot fathom they just lump weapon silencers and bombs so perhaps I'm wrong about what that means. He did have a silencer. But he also allegedly he said he never would use a bomb (and even that is a dubious quote with no context). He was absolutely not arrested with an actual bomb in his possession. If he been, we'd have never heard the end of it.

2. Loaded firearm, fair if true.

I assume that just means he had one without a license to carry one. There's an arrest photo of a weapon and police documents stating there was at least one if not more bullets.

3. Murder with intent, fair if he's the guy, but-

There's conflicting documentation on what evidence, if any, they have that they even arrested the correct person. His fingerprints and DNA were not taken at arrest and we have police documents stating as much. He does not match the face of the person in the cctv footage, even facial recognition software struggles to confirm he's the same person or seems insistent that they are different. Luigi Mangione's cheeks are hollow, the cctv person's cheekbones are high and prominent. Lot of timeline inconsistencies. Claims from police and media that directly contradict the actual arrest information on file. He has no history with firearms and the TMZ documentary that claimed otherwise turned out to be supremely riddled with false information. All just very dubious.

There's also since been information that shows the only fingerprints recovered at the scene were partial/incomplete and cannot be used to match with Luigi. I'm rather confused as to what this means as well. They have him and supposedly the gun, are there no fingerprints on the gun? Or can they not confirm it is the gun in the cctv? Very strange to me that they are having any fingerprint issues. I don't exactly understand either why they cannot use the fingerprints they have, or why they did not fingerprint him. Something is lost in translation here.

4. Forged instrument.

What does this mean? Does this refer to forged documents or do they mean the ghost gun? I believe his charges for the forged document were already addressed in PA, would they be brought up again in NY? And, I mean, fair if true, we saw pics of a fake ID. Seems like he had a fake id. I am curious about it though.

5. Both terrorism charges. I firmly believe these are bogus.

Who could he possibly be terrorizing? He is widely regarded as a hero amongst the American people with polls showing 69% of Americans approve of his alleged actions. The very same alleged actions they are claiming are terrorism. As far as I'm aware, terrorism as a criminal charge is limited to acts meant to cause terror to the population of a nation, or its government. CEOs of healthcare companies are neither a branch of the government, nor representative of the American population. No other murders get labeled as terrorism. Not even cannibalism, not even far, far, far more horrific, and serial killer cases. How can this possibly be terrorism?

6. Possession of ghost gun and ammo clip

Yeah, we saw arrest photos of those too, Fair if true I guess. However, I have heard that the definition of a ghost gun is itself dubious and might be difficult to legally define in this case.

7. Does that say possession of assault rifle? What? What?

It was a glock-19 according to gun experts looking over the actual crime photos. In what way does this count as an assault rifle? I understand modified guns sometimes count, but not "3d printed the handle" kind of modification. Sawed-off shotgun kind of modification.

8. Plea of not guilty

Plea of not guilty: fair, because he's not guilty. From what I understand, the jury is able to nullify someone even if they believe the person did commit the crime. But if the punishments on the table are vastly out of line, the jury will still, and still has the right to, say not guilty. The charge has to make sense and in this case, a death penalty is not. Especially in a state with an abolished death penalty, especially when so few other shooters in NY have ever gotten the death penalty for gun violence. Does this of course also mean he should plead not guilty? I'm assuming his attorney is advising his decisions here and I trust her. She does seem like a very competent attorney.

I firmly believe the only logical response at least until terrorism charges are dropped is 'not guilty' and am interested in the thoughts of people in the legal field.

9. What is this?

Not part of his upcoming sentence, but equally confusing. Stalking charges, do they hold any water? If they did in this case, surely then all other incidents of premeditated murder would be stalking cases as well? I don't know how that makes any sense. It really seems like the second count is also equally nonsensical. Nothing in this case makes any sense and attempting to understand the extreme reaches they are making has me feeling like I'm losing my mind. Has everyone suddenly forgotten all of criminal case history? It's like they've never witnessed a crime before and are scrambling to find a way to charge someone for 'super murder' because they don't like how regular murder sounds. And it's just that. ...It's just regular murder.

I would love to know a little bit of what's going on. I do hear from people who claim to know a bit about the justice system and court proceedings say that the biggest error the NYPD is making with this case is vastly overcharging him. I just want to understand more.

[fingertipsmp3]

Next time I wake up in the middle of the night I’m actually not going back to sleep. Because why did those extra 2.5 hours I got contain the most bizarre storyline ever

[persephonaae]

Hrm

[dadbots]

cold as shit & freezing my ass off in this winter (But at least we made it to December.)

[onehundredelevven]

Hello there, merry belated Christmas (if you celebrate)! I hope all is well ❤️ I have a request how about something angsty, but with a happy ending. This will be for JJK. Fem reader suspects her lover is cheating on them with their ex. this is due to the ex creating fake texts or doing something scandalous to set the men up to trick the reader. And the “evidence “ they provide is very convincing, unfortunately. The men have to find a way to win them back and prove their innocence. You can choose to do either a mini story or general head cannons, whichever is easier for you ☺️ as for which JJK male, you choose. But I do love Gojo, so please include him. Thanks so much! Take care ❤️❤️❤️

Hello Anon~ merry belated Christmas too ! Here's your request !!

JJK Men proving their faithfulness to you.

content: JJK Men x reader, hurt with comfort

☆☆☆

Satoru Gojo

☆When you confront him, Gojo initially laughs it off, thinking you're joking. But when he sees the hurt in your eyes, his expression turns serious.

☆“You think I would cheat on you? Baby, look at me. I could have anyone I want, and I chose you. What does that tell you?” It sounds cocky, but it’s his way of trying to reassure you.

☆The “evidence” hits him like a truck, especially when you mention it involves his ex. His playful demeanor drops completely.

☆He investigates obsessively, pulling every string he has. When he finds out his ex fabricated the texts, he makes sure they’ll regret ever messing with your relationship.

☆To prove his loyalty, he takes you somewhere significant—a quiet shrine at sunset where he confesses all his vulnerabilities. “I know I joke around a lot, but I don’t with you. You’re my everything, okay? Please don’t doubt that.”

---

Suguru Geto

☆When you confront Suguru, he’s calm but visibly pained by your accusation. “Do you really think I’d betray you like that?” he asks, his voice quiet but firm.

☆The fake messages shake him because they do look convincing. Still, he keeps his composure and promises, “I’ll clear this up, just trust me for now.”

☆Suguru digs into the situation like a detective, finding subtle inconsistencies in the texts and proving his ex’s deceit.

☆To win you back, he pens a heartfelt letter, explaining how much you mean to him and how he would never jeopardize what you have. He delivers it in person, sitting with you until you’re ready to forgive him.

---

Nanami Kento

☆Nanami takes your accusation with devastating seriousness. His brow furrows, and he listens carefully to everything you say. “If this is how you feel, I won’t dismiss it. But I need you to believe me when I say it’s not true.”

☆The texts from his ex make his jaw tighten. “That woman is trying to cause trouble. I’ll handle this.”

☆He wastes no time confronting his ex, collecting receipts, and presenting them to you methodically, like a courtroom defense.

☆Nanami shows his love through action. After clearing things up, he surprises you with a quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant. Over candlelight, he takes your hand and says, “I’ll never let anyone come between us again. You’re all I need.”

---

Toji Fushiguro

☆Toji laughs bitterly when you accuse him, but it’s not out of amusement—it’s disbelief. “You really think I’d go back to her?”

☆The fake evidence pisses him off. “That snake’s been causing problems for years. I should’ve known she’d try something like this.”

☆He tracks down his ex in record time, not mincing words or threats. Once he has proof of her lies, he drags himself back to you, guilt written all over his face.

☆“Look, I’m not good at this stuff, but you gotta know I wouldn’t mess this up. You’re too important to me.” He leaves the decision in your hands, but his sincerity is undeniable.

---

Ryomen Sukuna

☆Sukuna’s pride takes a hit when you accuse him. “You think I’d stoop so low as to sneak around? If I didn’t want you, I’d tell you to your face.”

☆He scoffs at the “evidence” at first, but when he realizes how much it’s shaken you, his expression hardens. “Whoever’s behind this is dead. Simple as that.”

☆He confronts his ex with terrifying intensity, uncovering the truth and making sure they won’t try anything like this again.

☆To prove his loyalty, Sukuna softens—just a little. He sits with you, looking you in the eye, and says, “You’re mine, and I’m yours. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.”

---

Choso Kamo

☆Choso’s reaction is pure heartbreak. “You… you think I’d do that to you?” His eyes well up, and his voice trembles as he tries to process your accusation.

☆The fabricated texts devastate him, but he refuses to let them ruin your relationship. “I’ll fix this. Please don’t give up on me.”

☆He works tirelessly to prove his innocence, eventually gathering enough evidence to expose his ex’s scheme.

☆Choso is a quiet but passionate lover. After everything is resolved, he holds you close, whispering, “I don’t want to lose you. You’re the only one I’ve ever cared for like this.”

---

Shiu Kong

☆Shiu’s sharp eyes narrow when you bring up the accusation. “You think I’d waste my time on an ex when I have you?” His tone is clipped, but you can tell the idea hurts him.

☆He examines the “evidence” like it’s a case file, immediately noticing details that don’t add up. “This is amateur work,” he mutters before setting out to expose the truth.

☆Once he clears his name, Shiu sits you down and pours you a glass of wine. “I’m not a saint, but I’d never cheat on you. You’re the only one who’s ever made me want to stay.”

---

Hiromi Higuruma

☆Hiromi listens patiently as you explain the situation, his expression unreadable. “I understand why you’re upset,” he says carefully. “But I promise you, I’m not lying.”

☆He meticulously analyzes the fake texts, his legal mind working overtime to find inconsistencies.

☆Hiromi confronts his ex with calm but firm resolve, collecting a confession and bringing it to you. “I’d never do something so cruel. I hope this proves that.”

☆To make amends, Hiromi takes you on a quiet date, away from the chaos, and reassures you with every word and gesture that his heart is yours alone.

[nicromancytarot]

WHO IS COMING INTO YOUR LIFE ROMANTICALLY?

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 20-30 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

PICK A CARD READING

I asked my spirit guides what you need to know about the next person who is coming into your life romantically, pick a pile and find out what they had to say!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1

This person is embodying the energy of the king of cups, they are giving off much more masculine energy, this doesn’t mean that they are a guy, however this person is more in tune with their masculine, leadership side. When you meet this person, they will be going with the flow, allowing life to take them wherever, and coincidentally they will find you.

I am getting the feeling that this person is new to most, if not all of you. So I’m not seeing any exes or reconciliations in this pile.

This person seems to have been going through something which led them astray or possibly ended in them getting hurt, for some this may have been a breakup.

Around the time that the two of you meet, they’re going to act like a taster for you, they’ll give you these little moments with them, which leave you waiting for more, yearning for them to allow you in some more, but you only receive a drip, a dribble of what they could actually give you.

They’ll keep this going on for a while, keeping you interested and guessing, during this time they may have you lined up as an accomplishment or trophy, they may still have feelings for an ex, and have you as a second option.

It will take a while to get out of the situationship and bring yourselves to something more committed and long term, honestly I’m seeing around 6-8 months of no label.

All while it can absolutely end well, it can give you what you desperately want in a relationship, the agony and anticipation may turn to be too much for you.

For those of you who choose to walk away from this without letting it grow or become anything more, you are making a good decision, you’re embodying the queen of wands energy, you don’t need anyone to define you or make you any more worthy than you already are.

For those of who choose to stay, be careful of your heart, make sure to protect your dignity and don’t let this person get you down, you can build something beautiful with a lot of patience and determination, however you are always ok to walk away.

PILE 2

A lot of you are getting over something at the moment, I’m unfortunately getting an ex, someone from your past who I’m not too sure that you received closure from when you last saw or spoke to them.

I do see this ex coming back into your life, if they come back during mercury retrograde, dawg bin them, we are in no need of negativity during this time! However, for those who do not come back during this current moment, either you will contact them, or they will contact you. I do see that a lot of you have some stuff to talk out with this past person.

The closure conversation won’t exactly go to plan, you may be sucked in by their drama, trauma dumping or a poor attempt to get you back. I do feel as though you will entertain this situation for a little, perhaps not too long, but long enough for some emotions and feelings to arise again.

However on the other side of things, you have someone completely new, someone who is willing to give you things that this past person wasn’t able to supply for you. This person is coming in hot and heavy, they will be very direct about what they want with you.

I feel like you’ve always been the one to make the first move, or admit your feelings, this person will turn your life on it’s head, they will be honest, direct, real and just very straightforward about what they desire.

They may say something along the lines of not wanting to be with you until you’re over your ex, this could be a drunken confession where you try to tell them that you are, and they tell you you’re not. It will either end up with you crying into their hands as they cradle your head, or some hot and heavy make out session lmao.

This person is willing to wait for you, they will be on the sidelines for as long as you need them to be. It doesn’t seem like they will be letting go easily.

The ex person is giving me twin flame vibes, meanwhile the new person is a soulmate.

So it’s either out with the old and in with the new, or out with the new and back to the old.

The choice is yours.

PILE 3

You guys seem to have gone through some type of break up as well lmao, something which forced you to let go of someone that you cared a lot about. If it’s not a relationship, then it’s a situation that had you up at night upset and stressing.

During this time there was this one person that you would confide in, this person was there to rub your back while you cried, and tell you that everything was ok.

They watched you through your healing journey, helping you become one with yourself and your expression once again, help you build yourself up until you felt comfortable in your own skin. This person is a people watcher, especially when it comes to you, they’re observing to the point of writing down every little thing about you, you could ask this person the colour of your eyes, or how many freckles are on your face and they would be able to answer without a second glance. They know you like they know themself.

This person may call you their flower or petal, you may have a flower relating name, something to do with how delicately they view you, you’re like a piece of china to them, one wrong touch and you’d break. They don’t want to break you.

They metaphorically stand by your bedside as you sleep, protecting you from every scary dream, or any unwanted negativity that could come your way, they want nothing more than to protect you and keep your safe, it’s their purpose.

You are Barbie, and they are just Ken. (No gender affirmed)

This person will wait for the right time before making their move, and when they do, they will resume leadership and continue to look after you for as long as you allow them to.

This person will love you like you have never been loved before, they will caress every inch of your skin as though you were sculpted by the Gods, they want nothing more than for you to be theirs, and them to resume being yours.

Because they will always be yours.

[pit-and-the-pen]

I'll Crawl Home to Her- Chapter 2

Sorry this update took a little longer, I had some personal stuff going on and my work schedule was pretty packed this week.

Also, this is a fix-it fic. It'll be following the events of the whole series so buckle in y'all. Also also, I shit on Tamlin a lot in these next chapters but it has a purpose I promise!

Chapter warnings: Warnings: Mention of abuse/ trauma, one comment about weight in terms of said said abuse , minor blood

WC: 9.6K

Read the previous parts here

[prologue] [chapter 1]

Next Part [here]

“Rhys is the most handsome High Lord.” I read line after line of similar words. I rolled my eyes at my brother's antics. 

“He’s sure laying it on thick.” I say as I sat down next to Feyre. She looks up from her writing and gives me a guarded laugh. 

“At least I’m entertaining.” She huffs out. 

“I can help you too, if you want. Give you a break from him.” She raises her eyebrow at me, studying me with a look that made me want to sink in on myself. 

“Why?” She asks sharply  

I willed my temper down. “Because despite what Tamlin might tell you, we’re not evil,” I spit out at her, she doesn’t flinch even slightly at the venom in my voice. “And you’re going to be here once a month for the foreseeable future. I’d like us to at least tolerate each other. Plus, it would piss off my brother.” Her eyes shone with mischief.

“You should have started with that.” And that was that. I pushed Rhys’ papers to the side and picked out a few books that had been my favorite. The plots are interesting enough to make up for the basic words used. Feyre caught on fairly easily. She could recognize almost all of the basic words but struggled to read them out loud. Not fully understanding how the sounds mashed together. We sat and read, and then when that got to be too much for her we just started talking. It was nothing deep, not really gossip either. Just casual words thrown back and forth until she asks out of the blue. “What’s the deal with Tamlin and Rhys?” I froze into stillness only fae possessed. Sensing my discomfort she backtracked. “You don’t have to tell me. I shouldn’t have asked.” Her voice held a little edge of fear. I forced my shoulders to relax. 

“No, you have every right to ask. It’s…complicated. You’re walking into centuries old distrust and unfortunately, are caught in the middle.” It wasn’t fair to her to be caught in all of this old shit. That was our baggage and I could see it was affecting her but she pressed on.

“But why do they hate each other so much?”

“I’m not the best person to ask.” She narrowed her eyes at my non-answer. I sighed. “We’ve both done some terrible things to each other's courts, the wounds run deep and that’s all I’ll tell you.”

“Why?” She would not let up. 

“Because you love Tamlin. And I don’t want you to think I’m trying to ruin whatever picture you have of him.” That really seemed to pique her curiosity. 

“You had a different experience with him?” It felt like she had punched me in the stomach. No. That’s the problem, I had the exact same experience with him and I ended up just as broken as I can see you’re becoming. 

“That’s not a story for today.” I tried to keep the shake out of my voice and maybe it was that, or the fear I know I couldn’t keep off of my face that made her drop the subject with a small, “okay”. 

It was lunch time before we decided to take a break.  “Do you want to eat here or go out with the others?” 

“Rhys will just pull me out if I don’t.” 

“My brother can fuck off. What do you want to do?” I saw a ghost of a smile twitch across her face. So we ate in the library. I left only long enough to stack up two plates full of food. Rhys took in the amount of food I was grabbing, 

“Hungry today?” I only stuck my tongue out at him and walked back out of the room. 

Rhys joined us a little after lunch. If he was surprised to still see me in here, he didn’t let it show. I didn’t leave until Feyre told me she was okay with me doing so. 

It was probably overkill to be so protective of her, Rhys was the last person who would ever try to hurt her or anything like that but she was still uneasy around him. She hid it well with the sheer disdain she showed him but I could tell from the rigidness of her shoulders and that slight edge in her voice. But there was also something else there that I couldn’t put my finger on. 

Feyre had stayed in the library long after their meeting. I found her hunched over another book, finger slowly tracing over the words. She hardly looked up as I placed another plate of food in front of her and went to walk out of the room. She didn’t call after me and I was okay with that. Scared she might start another round of questions. 

I didn’t see much of her after that. So I traveled back and forth between Velaris. Spending half my time at the manor and the other half actually doing my job as researcher. I really didn’t have to work but it gave me something to fill up my days. Before Amarantha I spent most of my time helping Cassian manage the Illyrians, from the background of course. Being the High Lords sister did not save me from their views on females. So I only showed up when necessary, Azriel and Cassian always following behind me. They learned fast enough to keep their tongues in check if they wanted to keep them in their mouths. 

Currently I was looking at old maps of Prythian. Combining through records for landscapes and t river patterns. Where the boundaries have shifted over time. And then came the daunting task of trying to pick out recountings of the old war. Figuring out who does best with what court. Prepping for the outcome we were all dreading, another war with Hybern. 

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to get from these books.” Cassian said, absently flipping through the large leather bound book I had just placed to the side. 

“Anything. Weakness, strengths, strategies, gods, anything.” I said leaning back. I knew I had to take a break, when I closed my eyes I could still see the words swirling in the blackness behind my eyelids. I took a deep breath and went to look at the giant map I had covered my desk with. Pins and markers to recount every movement during the last war. 

“Do you really think that it’s going to help?” I know he wasn’t trying to be rude. His voice was soft when he asked and my shoulders sunk in slightly. 

“I don’t know. But if it does…” He nodded in understanding. Azriel knocked lightly on the door, making both Cas and I jump. He had learned to knock now after he had to dodge out of the way of the book I had launched at him last week. I still haven't reaccustomed myself to how quiet his footsteps could be. A skill I had once prided myself on, I had even been able to pick up on those silent footsteps and find him before he wanted to be seen. 

“Just wanted to remind you two to eat.” He looked at the books strewn across the table, taking note of the one Cassian was still flipping through, playing with truly. “I know how you can get when you’re focused. Time for food.” He smiled at the shy look I gave him from being called out. Many times he had to drag me out of my office when I really got into something. His smile made me think he was remembering those times too. 

“If we go, will you two stop making eyes at each other?” Cassian spoke up, making me break away from Azriel’s stare. 

“We were not.” I responded, trying to tame the blush in my cheeks. Get it together. I told myself as I forced myself to turn to Cas. His eye roll was the only answer I got. Azriel had already started walking down the hall and I slapped Cassian on the arm.

“You’re so annoying sometimes Cas.”

“And you love me for it.” He gave me a loud, wet peck on the cheek and gave a full head-thrown-back laugh when I made a big show of wiping it off. 

I didn't return to the other house that night. Opting to stay with my friends. One of whom, Cassian, had gone into the wine cellar and returned with his arms almost full of the expensive bottles. I just laughed as he shot me a wink. I blew him a kiss back as I settled down on the couch besides Mor. 

We didn’t bother getting glasses, passing the bottles around while we talked about absolutely nothing, acting like we had during our teenage years. It was later in the night before Rhys appeared in the living room. He took one look at all of us and rolled his eyes before he swiped the bottle out of my hand and brought it to his lips. 

Mor and I were fully supporting each other's weight on the couch, I couldn’t tell who was leaning against who more but our giggles started to get louder and more frequent. She whispered to me so quietly I had to strain to hear her. “Stop staring at him.” And we fell into another fit of giggles.

She was right though, everytime Azriel talked I could feel how my eyes stayed locked on him. Reminding myself to breathe when he pulled the bottle to his lips. I pushed off of Mor and went to stand up, wobbling slightly as my feet touched the ground. Azriel made a move like he was going to catch me if I took a face first dive on the carpet but when I steadied myself, he moved back. It happened so fast I wonder if I imagined it.

“I think it’s bedtime.” I said, mouth feeling mushy as the words came out. Mor laughed again and I turned to face her and gave her a rude gesture. I offered that same hand to pull her up to her feet and she pouted before taking it. Everyone seemed to get the hint that it was late so all of us in our various drunken states started the climb up the stairs to our rooms. Good nights thrown through the hallways, Cassian all but screaming it to make sure Mor and I heard him. The sound made us flinch before laughing again as I closed the door to my room. 

---------------------

Before I knew it Feyre’s week was officially up. She had demanded to be brought back home and I fought down the biting comments I wanted to make as Rhys agreed. I stepped besides the pair and she looked over to me for a brief second before pretending that neither of us existed. 

“You don’t have to come with me. Rhys spoke into my mind and replied with a shake of my head. I could do this for Feyre. Despite every part of my body screaming at me for bringing her back to the Spring court, if she could be brave then so could I. He sighed at my stubbornness but knew that there was no changing my mind. 

We weren’t going far. Simply dropping her at the border of spring and summer and making sure she got into the manor. I could manage that. Yet as we were getting ready to winnow in, I felt my hands go clammy. I remember me saying I’ll never go back there willingly.

The smell was the first thing that hit me. The overwhelming floral scent. I could smell the roses from the outside of the manor this far away, their sheer number coating the air with a smell that threatened to suffocate me on the spot. 

“Goodbye, Feyre.” She had already started walking before he finished speaking, not sparing so much as a glance back to us. So we stood and watched her retreating figure until those wooden doors closed behind her. That was that. 

We didn’t return to Hewn city, instead winnowing outside the townhome. 

Rhys didn’t stay to greet our friends. Instead, he all but ran up the stairs to either go to his study or his room. Everyone gave me a tentative look before I shrugged and sprawled out on the couch besides Azriel. 

He didn’t try to pull away from me. Instead, he lifted his hands from their spot on his lap. His way of telling me I could place my legs up so I didn’t have to sit awkwardly to avoid his wings. I did and I ignored how happy that little gesture made me. Over the last few weeks he seemed to be able to handle being around me again.

Cassian started rapid firing questions at me. What is she like? She threw what at Rhys? Anything for scraps of what their brother's mate was actually like. Sure they had gotten the story of her trials but this was different, getting to know who she actually was. Cassian seemed pleased to know she was still just as head strong. “Maybe someone will finally humble him a little.” He chuckled 

 Rhys spoke up as he entered the room. “Who’s humbling who?” He picked at an invisible piece of lint on his shoulder. The only sign of how upset sending Feyre back had made him. 

Cassian didn’t answer but instead asked “Did she really throw a shoe at you?” He laughed when Rhys shot me a dirty look. Answering the question for him. “I want to meet her.” Cassian said and I swore he was almost pouting. 

Rhys sighed, “And have you scare her off.” Cassian looked hurt so Rhys added, “Let her get more adjusted to me before we add all of this into the mix. Besides, she cannot see Velaris. Not when…” not when she came back to Tamlin. Not when she could still spill every little secret of ours to one of our biggest enemies. 

Cas looked like he wanted to argue but only said “Princess gets to see her.” 

“Because I have a winning personality.” I smiled at him and he launched one of the small pillows from his chair at me. I managed to deflect it but as it bounced off my arm it hit Azriel square in the face. I bit down my laughter at his faux outraged face. He threw it back and before I knew it, they were yelling at each other, well Cas was yelling and Azriel was trying his hardest not to laugh.Sensing a fight was emanate, I pushed off of Azriel and spoke loudly over the two Illyrian males. 

“Outside if you’re going to fight.” Even Armen, who had stalked into the room around as Rhys laughed at that. 

Cassian turned to me, his temper still flaring. “We’re not dogs.” 

“Last time you both fought in the house, I was cleaning up glass for a week.” I raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him to say otherwise. 

Azriel spared Cassian from having to respond. “C’mon.” He said, pulling Cassian to what I could only assume was the training ring. 

“I forgot how much you look like Rhys when you get bossy.” Cassian said as he was pulled from the room. And my responding gesture made the rest of the room go up in laughs. Rhys followed them out. Probably needing to get rid of his own tension and Armen had snuck back into the research room. 

I didn’t have it in me to just stare at maps all day long, regardless of knowing how much I needed to. So I just stayed in the living room, a random book from the shelf pulled onto my lap. 

Rhys came back first, hair only slightly disheveled, wings out proudly. “Once I get out of the bath, it’s time for your training.” I huffed and he could sense I was about to argue with him. “Cassian and Azriel told me you can’t use your powers.” Traitors. “So we’re going to figure out what the hel is wrong.” 

Less than an hour later I was sitting in Rhys’ study. A small candle flickering in front of me, taunting me to snuff it out. I pulled and pulled for any of the small dark tendrils to do so but found nothing. Sweat was beginning to form on my brow with how hard I was concentrating. 

Rhys huffed in frustration at my lack of progress. “It was easier teaching Feyre to read.” 

“Then by all means, go back to that. I’d love to see her throw another shoe at you.” I bit back at him and he just rolled his eyes. 

“Try again.” He went right back to business, ignoring my statement. I really did try. I Have been trying. That rich darkness that normally lingered under my skin seemed like it was hidden behind a wall. Just out of my grasp, so close I could almost taste it, almost touch it. I yelped as I reached out towards it. Pain flickering through my body as if it had burned me. Rhys’ hand on my shoulder snapped me out of whatever had happened. Sweat broke across my skin and I flinched as I felt my magic fight against the wall inside my head. 

“What’s happening?” I spoke to my brother. He just stared at me before I felt a phantom knock at my mental shields. I forced them open and almost screamed at the pain that flooded through me. I knew the moment he found it. Felt that sickening thread of magic that never released when the spell broke for the other high lords. Rhys’ presence in my head retreated and we could only look at each other. No words to be found between us. 

“Fuck.” The first word he uttered and I somehow found it in myself to laugh. 

“That bad?” 

“Good news is there’s not a physical block. No magic stopping you.” So why did he still look like death froze over? “Bad news, you’re the block.” 

“Go on?” 

“I don’t fully know but it looks like your magic is being tied up by your own magic.” 

“So, you’re saying. I’m the problem?”

“I’ve been saying that your whole life but yes, especially in this case.” He teased, trying to lighten the new tension in the air. I bite 

“Well then that simply means you’re going to be stuck with me a lot more. That or I go to Helion.” He rolled his eyes at the mention of the other high lord, one who has been trying for the last few centuries to get me into his bed. 

“Maybe.” shit. It must be serious if he’s actually willing to let Helion help. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.” He says solemnly and points back to the candle. I stare at him for a moment before sighing and trying to cover the light again. 

We sit as I try again and again and again. Nothing besides a small puff of black smoke to let us know that I’m even trying. Right as I’m about to say something I see Rhys flinch and his eyes flare with anger. Only not at me, his eyes look far away as that anger homes in on whatever must have made his shoulders tense. 

I see his eyes come back into focus and I don’t even have to ask before he’s spilling. “He hurt her.” I don’t need him to say who. “I can tell it’s nothing serious but I got nothing but pure fear from her.” Rhys had already explained that the bargain amplified the usual effects of the mating bond. That he could sometimes get whiffs of any strong emotion from Feyre. Fear, anger, mostly fear but as her nightmares have started to fade I haven't heard much about it. My stomach curls and I try to will my hands to not shake as my mind drifts to the endless possibilities of what could have happened. 

“It’ll be okay. She’s strong.” The words felt wrong in my mouth and Rhys said the very thing I had been thinking.

“You were strong.” 

“Well you can’t very well march in there and get her.” I saw the look on his face. “You can’t, we can’t. And she still doesn’t want us. Unless it feels like that first time…” He shook his head. So not as bad. Still bad, still awful enough for her to send fear down the bond but not bad enough that Rhys could only hear her screaming for someone to get her out of there. So we both let it go, ignored the thoughts that told every part of us to go help this girl from whatever Tamlin was inflicting. But even I knew that Tamlin’s anger comes from his love. That anger so wrapped in fear that something will happen that he almost wills those incidents into existence. 

We spend hours trying to break whatever block is in my head until I’m grumpy and all but biting his head off at every little comment he makes. He bites right back at me and I know there's no point in this anymore, both of us too on edge to do anything productive. Throwing his hands up in surrender he doesn’t stop me as I storm out of his study. I run head first into Azriel on my way to my room, his hands resting on my arms so I don’t topple over. 

“Training went that well.” He says with a small chuckle. The noise sends a low growl from my throat and he takes his hands off of me. “We’ll figure this out.” He says and I continue my path to my room, not staying long enough to see the concern in his eyes. 

I was still grumpy by the time that dinner rolled around but I managed to pull myself out of bed. My head is pounding from the strain and whatever Rhys did inside my mind. I throw on the first thing I find, still in my thin nightgown I pulled on after my bath, and head down to dinner. I don’t say much and not even Cassian tries to cheer me up, all he does is remind me that I’m joining them for training in the morning. I don’t respond with anything other than stabbing the chicken on my plate with extra force. 

---------------------

I struck the center of the dummy and looked over for Cassian for any semblance of approval. He gave me a bored look and I stomped over to the stupid thing and pulled all three of the daggers out of it. Cas wanted me to get back up to snuff with long range before he put a sword in my hand again. I had never needed the sword that I kept strapped to my back on the missions I would accompany Azriel on, always having my powers to stop anyone from getting that close in the first place. Between Azriel shadows and my blanket of darkness, very rarely did we ever need anything more than truth teller. 

I grunted in frustration as the sharp metal flew through my fingers time after time, all of them hitting the center of the target. 

“Fuck this Cas, I did the warm ups, I did the exercises. Let me fight.” I needed to do something more than this. If I couldn’t use my powers, if they never came back, I needed to be useful. In no world would I just sit around and let my friends risk death while I sat around playing with my maps. Cassian must have heard the desperation in my voice because he agreed. 

We circled each other and I got a rare glimpse of Cassian with no restraint. This was the war general that scared people just by being on the battlefield. I tried not to let the frision of fear show as he surveyed every inch of me, seemingly reading my body language like I was screaming my next moves at him. I didn’t stand a chance. His fist made contact with my nose before I could turn out of the way and I fell to the ground. My hand went up and when I pulled it back, my fingers were sticky with my blood. Cassian was instantly in front of me, mumbling out apologies. I held up my hand to stop him from talking. 

“Cassian.” A stern voice called out as I ran my hand along my nose again, feeling for any breaks. “What did you do to her?” Azriel’s voice was full of concern as he knelt besides Cassian. 

“Alright bat brains. I’m not dying,” I started to stand up and they both reached out their hands to help me up, I swatted them away and brushed off the dust on my pants. “It’s not the first time I’ve been too slow before, and it’s not going to be the last.” They both stared at me and I rolled my eyes. “C’mon. I still have to beat you Cas.” He shook his head laughing and Azriel shot him a glare. 

Cassian, never one to back down from a challenge, and never one to miss an opportunity to piss off Azriel, agreed to go back into the ring with me. He coached me through it this time, slowing down his punches to explain how to predict them and block them. All things that I knew but just needed more practice. By the end of the hour I was covered in sweat but I was able to block him without his guidance. Azriel didn’t leave either, hanging back to watch, adding his own little tips and tricks to help me get some advantage over Cassian but I still couldn’t get him to budge an inch. 

“Do you want to get in with her then?” Cassian shouted to Azriel as he continued to assist me from the side lines. I made a motion for Cassian to stop as I tried to catch my breath. Placing my hands on my knees and sucking in screaming breaths. 

“I think I’m done.” I panted out.

“If you wanted me to make you breathless princess, all you had to do was ask.” He winked and tossed a canteen full of water over to me. I drank half of it in one long gulp and forced myself to stand up straight. My muscles were already crying out in protest. Tomorrow was going to suck for sure. 

The three of us walked back up to the house, laughing and joking and I felt proud of the progress I was making. Even if the dried blood still on my hands might have suggested otherwise. 

---------------------

A month went by so fast, I had to tick off the days to make sure I was right.I woke up to Rhys preparing to collect Feyre from the spring court again. Rhys didn’t ask me to go with him this time, after that last flood of emotions he knew he would have a hard time containing himself let alone both of us. 

I was already waiting at the house for when they got back, ready to play mediator if need be. They had barely materialized before my brother was fussing over Feyre. The two bickered back and forth but from the way she looked over herself, I knew even she could hear the worry in his voice. She had lost more weight since the last time she had been here. The shadows under her eyes creeped back onto her pale skin. “Eat breakfast with me.” He said and I shifted from my place in the living room. Mor was somewhere in the house after her visit to the Court of Nightmares yesterday. Probably still decompressing with the bottle of wine she took with her to bed. 

I gave Feyre a small smile and she didn’t return it, but she didn’t glare at me either. It’s a step at least. The female in front of me gave a heavy sigh after weighing Rhys offer. The growl I heard come from her stomach seemed to make the decision for her. I didn’t follow them, if she had wanted me to I would have been able to tell. So I stayed close enough that I could swoop in and save her from my brother's overprotectiveness if need be. The glimpses of their conversation I caught weren’t the best but I stilled completely as I caught, 

“I was tortured, beaten and fucked until only I could tell myself who I was, what I was protecting. Please- help me keep that from happening again. To Prythian.” My heart ached at the words. He had had it so much worse than I did, regardless of what people might believe. I could see it on his face during some of his bad days, the scars of what Amarantha did to him. I didn’t listen to her response as I walked to my room. 

I found Feyre the next day as I had the last time, hunched over the table with more lines from Rhys to read. She was copying them in better handwriting than she had before. When I approached she didn’t so much as look up at me. I called her name gently and still nothing. So I took that as my sign to let her be. Rhys had gotten called to the war camps later that day. 

“Just look after her please. I know she’s fine but let me know if either of you need anything.” He blabbered as I all but pushed him out the door. 

“We’ll be fine, you overprotective mother hen.” His face fell slightly and I couldn’t stand that look on his face. “I’ll let you know if she needs anything, okay? Now go be a High Lord.” I saw a hint of a smile as he winnowed out of the house. 

I tried to stay out of her way. Whatever bit of goodwill she had allowed me last time seemingly disappeared. So I kept bringing her books when she ran out of the ones Rhys had given her, brought her food and left her to her own devices. Today, she didn’t give me a glare as I sat down in the armchair on her left. I opened my own book without giving her a second glance. The small hmph she made was the only indication she had even noticed my presence. She didn’t want to talk and quite frankly, neither did I, perfectly content with getting lost in our own books. 

It was around midday and the sun was just starting to peek through the heavy curtains of the library when I felt Rhys appear in the room. In his hands were trays of food which he presented to Feyre. A small thank you left her lips and I wanted to smack that smug look on Rhys face as he teased her. But then I saw his face get serious and I suddenly felt very much like I was intruding on a private moment. “Tell me how I can help you.” His voice was scratchy and I knew he was trying to hold back tears, to keep the conversation casual enough that she wouldn’t shut him out again. I truly did try to tune them out but these were the same things I had been wanting to say to her all week but couldn’t find the strength. 

“If you fall apart then the bitch wins. All of that is for nothing and she wins.” Rhys said plainly and Feyre flinched before going back to her book. I could tell that she was talking to him in her mind. My eyes grew wide when I saw that slight layer of frost cover the book cover. Rhys barely had time to dodge said book as it was thrown right at his head. It bounced harmlessly to the floor and I stifled a laugh. The laugh died in my throat when I saw the flicker of flames in her palms and I tried to reach my mind out to Rhys, he all but threw me out. 

Feyre and Rhys left later that day. I didn’t offer to come with, didn’t want to come with. Just like last time when Rhys returned to Velaris, he stalked to his office and hid out for the rest of the evening. I only got close enough to the door to leave a plate of food outside before retreating back to my side of the house. His emotions pouring through the door were enough to give me a headache, the way it felt like I was walking into a brick wall. I didn’t try to talk to him for the rest of the day. Instead choosing to pull my attention back to the map in my study. 

I had been neglecting it to focus on Feyre and Rhys but I knew it’s just because I wasn’t getting anywhere. No matter how many books I read, I couldn’t think of anything that would help us win this war. Not without all seven courts working together and I knew Hel would freeze over before that ever happened. 

So I read until my eyes became blurry and heavy. My head had gotten so heavy like the words were getting stuck and wouldn’t leave. When I felt my eyes starting to close and knocking on the door jostled me awake. I saw the shadows before I saw him, too tired to notice that they had time to take in my current state and report back to Az. 

“You should take a break.” He said as he went to pull up a chair at the table I was sitting at. 

“I can’t take a break when I haven’t found anything yet.” I whined at him. “I’m supposed to be good at this, I am good at this. Or at least I was.” I slumped in my chair and I saw that familiar look of concern flash through his warm amber eyes. He sat there, I could almost see the gears in his brain turning, his shadows starting to swirl around the floor like soothing waves. I stared at them and felt my mind calm slightly. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, wings flapping behind him. 

We just sat there in silence for a few moments and then he stood up suddenly. My eyes tracked the movement, following his arm as he extended a hand to me. It was like my brain short circuited at the gesture. He had to clear his throat before I snapped out of it and I timidly placed my hand in his. He led me out of my office and I felt his shadows on my heels. “Where are we going?” I laughed at how ridiculous this must look, one of the fiercest Illyrian warriors towing someone behind him like an excited kid. 

“Just be quiet. You’ll know when we get there.” His own voice full of an almost giddy excitement. So I let him pull me along. All the way outside until it clicked. There was a little patch of grass beside the Sidra that I loved to sit by when the weather was just starting to turn warm. Our little group used to spend free days out on that field, just soaking in the warmth. He gave me a proud smirk when we finally reached that stretch of grass. “Now, you’re going to sit and just enjoy being out here.”

“Is that an order?” I teased and he didn’t miss a beat. 

“If that means you’ll actually do it, then yes.” I sat and looked out over the river. The lights and sounds of the city walk could just trickle in, becoming a lovely hum in the back of my mind. I patted the spot next to me and Azriel sat beside me. I curled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on top of them. Just looking at the city I loved so much. We didn’t talk, Azriel was always good for that. He knew when I needed the quiet. The sound of the small waves helped clear my head and after a while I felt my shoulders sink down, the tension lightening. It was still there of course but became more manageable as I could smell the water and Azriel’s pine and fresh air scent. It wrapped its way around me and held me like my favorite blanket. 

“Thank you.” I said, breaking the comfortable silence. We didn’t look at each other, still staring out at the city just ahead. 

“Of course. Anything for you,” He cleared his throat, “For one of my friends.” I bit down the string at that little word. I fought the urge to put some distance between us at the feeling that flooded me. The cruel reminder of just exactly how he saw me. So I just pulled my legs in tighter and ignored all the thoughts of him that began to take over. 

We didn’t head back to the house until sundown. The pair of us walked under the flickering faelights that lined the streets. It still blows my mind how much the city changed while I was gone. I told him that much. And he shrugged off the tiny complement. 

“Rhys and I will never be able to thank you enough for how much you all did while we were…gone.” My voice felt tight as I finished, “You kept our home safe when we couldn’t.” He turned to look at me and went to say something but stopped himself. His face looked slightly pained, in that concerned way he always managed. He shook his head slightly. 

“You did more than we ever could. You and Rhys gave us a chance to have something to protect in the first place.” In his words, I was pulled back to that night when it had all gone to shit. How Cassian and Azriel were out dealing with the camps and how I couldn’t convince Rhys not to go so I insisted that I come along. I had to beg him to let me come with him and he still wasn’t happy about it. We walked right into a trap and before most of his power had been ripped away from him he wiped the memory of Velaris from everyone who was under the mountain and let our friends know what was happening, how they couldn’t come after us without leaving Velaris unguarded. 

Azriel’s small nudge to my shoulder pulled me back to the present and his eyes asked the question before he needed to. 

“I’m okay.” But I felt how my arms had wrapped around myself but he didn’t say anything about it, letting me have my space. We reached the house again and I could hear Cassian and Mor’s voices floating down the hallway. The sound alone plastered a smile on my face. Azriel followed behind me as I rounded the corner and Cassian all but cheered when he saw me. “There you are princess, we went to pull you out of your study but it seems someone beat us to it.” He gave me a small wink and I laughed at the joke behind it. I shook my head as I sat down next to Mor who was already pouring me a glass of wine. 

Rhys spoke to me across the table, “I peaked in and saw the map, tomorrow if you’re up for it I want all of us to go over it.” I nodded and he smiled at me. And we all ate and joked and I left the love I felt for the people in the room washed over me like the waves in the Sidra. 

---------------------

“So if it comes down to war. Who do we have?” Rhys turned to Cassian and myself. We were all sitting around the map I had been working on, face grim as I explained the various markings. 

“The Illyrians don’t have a choice. The court of nightmares should. We kept up pretty well with Dawn and Day. Winter…” His voice trailed off. I still remember Kallias’ face as the news broke of the attack on Winter. The thousands of babes dead by Amarantha’s hand. The pure loathing his face held as he looked at Rhys. 

“I can talk to them.” I had always liked Kallias. And from the little bit I’ve heard since our return home, he finally married Viviane after being friends since childhood. Viviane was sweet and her, Mor and I had been known to get ourselves in trouble when together. If she would listen, Winter would come around. 

“Autumn and Spring are lost causes.” Cassian sighed beside me, slumping down in his chair. 

“Tamlin is delusional enough to think it would keep him safe.” And keep Feyre safe. But I didn’t say that outloud. “Beron is…well Beron. Unless we think we can pursue one of the brothers to take him out of the equation, I think it’s better to not plan for them.” 

“Summer?” Rhys asked pointedly ignoring Cas’ words on the other seasonal courts. 

“Tarquin is new and young. He’ll side with the majority. But I think I could talk to him and at least see where his loyalties lie.” I had only talked to the new high lord a few times during our time under the mountain. He seemed nice enough, one of the few people who was even willing to talk to me at all. No fear of the role I had been forced into and hoped he would side with us. Hoped his newness wouldn’t scare him into the easy choice.” 

“I don’t like the idea of having two courts fighting against us.” Azriel finally spoke up. I had almost forgotten he was in the room but his shadow currently sitting at my feet should have been reminder enough. “Hybern has the armies he needs and if he has the cauldron….” 

“So what do you suggest?” My brother asked, head in his hands. 

“We talk to them. Let them know that we won’t win this if we’re not unified. Remind them that we fought a war once to avoid this very thing and some courts were on the wrong side of history then and would be now.” I spoke plainly, it was the only answer. If it had been anyone else the idea would have been shot down. But Rhys just let out a heavy breath and nodded. 

“We’ll wait until we’re sure. Some courts will refuse to believe there will be a war until it’s staring them in the face.” The tone in Rhys’ voice letting us know this meeting was over. We all stayed in the room, the same exhausted look sat on our faces. “Good work.” Rhys said to me as he studied the map again. “You got all of this from books?” I had been too young to remember most of the war, let alone fight in it. But at least someone had thought it smart to recount all of it in very exact detail, I just managed to translate to current day Prythian. Rhys was silently nodding to himself as he really studied the map. The others slowly filter out of the room, leaving Rhys and I alone studying the map. 

“And these?” He pointed to the orange marks I had drawn all over. 

“Trade agreement routes, the thicker the line, the more movement there is through that path. They would be the most vulnerable areas since people know them so well. They’re also normally the quickest way between courts.” I pointed out more of the lines and pins. I had so much marked off, down to what ways the rivers flowed and where their currents changed. Rhys just drank in all the information I threw at him, only nodding along to the explanations. I was about to start on another part of the map before I saw his face freeze. 

Rhys had completely stilled besides me. That all-too-familiar far-away look on his. When I raised my eyebrow at him, “What is it? Is it…” He didn’t wait for me to finish, instead he let me into his mind and I almost flinched at whatever feeling Feyre was sending him. The crushing agony and pure terror. It was a feeling I knew all too well. These weren't the few stray glimpses Feyre had sent him while they were separated. This was the very thing all of us were holding our breath for, hoping it never happened. 

“Rhys we can’t just ignore it this time.” I spoke, already leaving the table. His hand wrapped around my wrist, making me pause. 

“If you storm in there, Tamlin has every right to declare a war.” 

“And we’ll have every right to kill his sorry ass. Something that we could have done decades ago.” I spit back at my brother. 

“Please.” His voice shook with fear. Scared for Feyre and maybe for me. I put my hands up in surrender. I couldn’t argue against the tone in his voice. 

“So how do you want to do this then?” I asked him and we started planning. 

In less than 10 minutes Mor had winnowed right on the border of spring and summer. Rhys had insisted that she come along to help. Her status would help blanket us from any repercussions. Plus her powers would come in handy if any of the guards found us. So her and I snuck into that manor I had sworn I would never see again. Do it for Feyre. Be brave for her. I said to myself as my own terror rose to a fever pitch. 

I could see the darkness already pouring out of the house. My anger quickly turned into fear. What did he do to her? The voice in my head screamed. Rhys had already broken the wards and whatever was locking her inside the house. Mor knocked out the guards before they could spot us. When we finally entered the house my blood ran cold. Sitting in a ball of inky darkness was Feyre. Her screams pierced something deep inside of me. I looked around and locked eyes with Alis. Her eyes wide as she took in my face. 

“He locked her in the house. I tried to…Please just keep her safe.” Was all the older fae had said to me. 

My heart warmed at the concern in her voice. The same concern she had once shown me. I nodded and walked towards Feyre. Whatever darkness she was wielding seemed to only be for her and as I shook her shoulder, gently saying her name they retreated slightly. I looked over to Mor who only gave me a small nod. Taking her cue, I picked up the shaking female and was startled by how light she felt. Mor spoke up from beside me. “Your guards are going to have a hell of a headache when they wake up.” 

Alis nodded in understanding and I added. “Don’t tell him where we took her. Please.” And for a second I felt just as broken as the female in my arms. I knew she would tell him, and would have to tell him but a small part of me wished she wouldn’t. But that was unfair to expect of her. It reminded me too much of the same hope I had when I left. Face sunken in and heart broken as I begged her to not tell Tamlin I was leaving. No one was there to help me and I’ll be damned if Feyre ever felt that pain. I didn’t say another word as Mor winnowed us right in front of the border. It felt like I could finally breathe again as the scent shifted to ripe fruit and salt water that marked us as safe. Marked us in summer. Feyre shifted in my arms and mumbled something softly. 

Mor soothed a hand through her hair. “You’re free.” 

Rhys quickly scoped Feyre from my arms without so much as a word. He looked at Mor and I 

“We did everything by the book.” Rhys nodded before I felt the air whoosh around my ears and I knew we had made it home. Rhys deftly climbed the stairs to take Feyre to her room and I just stood staring at my brother back. I blocked out the memories that began to rise to the surface. The scar on my arm prickled and when my other hand raised to scratch at the angry white lines that trailed down my forearm, Mors hand wrapped against mine. Grounding me in the present. 

“She’s free.” She repeated to me. 

“Thank the mother.” I responded as I started to climb the stairs suddenly bone tired. 

Feyre didn’t emerge from her room that night or the next morning. More than once I found myself standing outside her door, hand held up to knock but some part of my brain told me not to. Rhys hasn't left her side the whole time she was asleep. Whatever magic she had used in the house had exhausted her and I felt my heart pang for her. How alone she must have felt, how scared she must have been to be locked in that house. I remember my simple panic the first time I went to the basement of the townhouse. How it transported me back to under the mountain, I couldn’t imagine how it felt to be locked away again.  

When I finally did see her, she seemed to have gotten a little color back. Enough so that she was able to argue with Rhys again. I didn’t linger this time to hear the fight, letting them duke it out in private. But as Rhys turned the corner, I knew something that happened. Something important. 

”We’re going home.” 

If someone had told me two months ago that Feyre would be standing in the living room of our home in Velaris I would have probably keeled over laughing. But here we were, Feyre’s eyes flickering from spot to spot in the house. I couldn’t get a read on her face but before I could even process that, I heard a pounding on the door. Cassian’s voice filtering through the wood, already complaining. Rhys shot me a look that said deal with them please. He tried to hide it but I could tell he was waiting for Feyre’s reaction to her surroundings. A hint of anything to gauge how she was feeling. He needed her to like this place like he needed to breathe. So I excused myself from the room and slipped out the front door. 

”Are you serious Cas?”

”I want to meet her. She’s right there, my brothers m-” I cut him off, blocking both him and Azriel from trying to peek into the house. They could easily push right past me but stayed a healthy distance. 

”Do not finish that sentence. Do you want all of Velaris to know?” I whispered screamed at him and he rolled his eyes.

”I promise you drama queen, no one’s up this early. I don’t want to be up this early.” 

After a few minutes of us bickering back and forth, Rhys opened the door and said to us, “Are you all just going to stand there?” 

Cassian all but trampled me trying to get in the house. I laughed when I saw his crestfallen face as he noticed Feyre was no longer in the room. “She was here right?” He spoke to the room. 

”Maybe she’s scared of your good looks Cas, can’t have her falling in love with the wrong Illyrian bastard now can we?” I shot Rhys a wink and he growled lightly. 

”She’ll meet you when she’s ready.” Was all he said before he rangled all of us into the dining room. 

Feyre slept for the rest of the morning. She came down the stairs dressed in Night Court clothes and I felt my breath catch in my throat. The way they seemed to compliment her well enough and I had to bite my tongue to prevent me from pointing that out. Rhys met her at the door and shot me a vulgar gesture at my sugary sweet, “Be safe kids.” That I called out from my spot on the couch. I sat on the couch until the sun started to set. I had just got to the good part and debated even going to the dinner at all but I was dying to see how Feyre would handle our crazy family. If she had any chance at surviving here, she needed to like them or they would drive her crazy. Although from Cassian’s earlier words that might be the case either way. So I groaned and pulled myself off the couch, pulling on the first thing that I saw and winnowed with Mor to the front steps of the house. 

Azriel and Cassian were waiting to fly us up. Cassian wrapped his arm around Mor’s waist and Azriel did the same to me. I hardly felt my feet leave the ground before he was already placing me down in front of the door. I had not had the heart to come here since I’ve been home. Too many memories for me to want to come alone and Mor grabbed my hand as she pulled me through the threshold. We had just settled in before I heard the faint trails of Rhys and Feyre voices outside the door. I couldn’t stop the two males from bounding to the door, they flung it open to reveal a very annoyed looking Rhys. I held my breath as she stood in the doorway, eyes searching for something and she landed on me. She squared her shoulders but Cassian was already speaking.

”I promise we won't bite.” 

Last I heard, Cassian, no one has taken you up on that offer.” And I laughed as Feyre’s face blanched. I didn’t miss the way the female's eyes raked over the Illyrians as they stepped into the light. I tried not the bristle as her eyes lingered on Azriel just a fraction longer than I would have liked. Rhys introduced the two and it was Feyres response to one of his questions that made me feel a frision of pride. 

”How the hell did you manage to survive this long without anyone killing you?” She would fit right in and Cassian’s booming laugh told me that very same thing. Armen had appeared almost out of thin air as we all made our way to the table. 

Feyre was slowly filled in about how the three brothers had met. Her eyes flickered to me during the story. 

”Where do you fit into all of this, besides being his sister.” She quickly added. Everyone seemed to be waiting for me to answer. 

”I mean there's not much else to it besides that. He got stuck with them so I did too. I nearly knocked Cassian's teeth in the first time I met him and I’ve been stuck with them ever since.” I stuck my tongue out at Cassian who rolled his eyes. 

”You mean you broke your fist trying to, princess. I had to nurse you back to health and you were helpless but to fall for my charm.” Now it was my turn to roll my eyes and I fought the urge to throw my bread across the table at him. If it wasn't for Feyre I would have. The rest of the stories and tales flowed out and, much to Feyre’s credit, she didn’t falter in the slightest. She interjected at the perfect moments, making jokes that had everyone roaring with laughter. Then the tables were turned onto her and Cassian was asking her about her life. After she had finished she turned to Rhys.

’I accept your offer- to work with you.” And I wanted to scream and cheer. I felt no such joy from Rhys as he started.

”Good because we start tomorrow. Hybern is starting this war and he’s going to bring back Jurian to help him.” I felt a shiver run down my back. Rhys had neglected to tell me that part. In an instant the lighthearted conversation was thrown to the side and Cassian launched into full general mode.

 I tried my best to keep up with this new bit of information, how it would throw a wrench into any attempts of a plan. I missed the conversation that followed, mind already trying to figure out the adjustments I would need to make to the map in my office. Armen managed to snap me out of my thinking. 

”The Bone Carver might indeed be willing to talk to her.” She pointed a finger at Feyre and I went to argue against the ancient female. Rhy had beaten me to it. 

”Your choice, always your choice, Feyre.” and I tried to keep the fear off my face as she answered. 

”How bad could it be.” Cassians’ answer had her face pale as a ghost and it was clear dinner was over at that moment. The others reduced to arguing over the semantics and who would be doing what in preparation for their journey to the prison. My eyes suddenly felt very heavy at the sounds of their voices. Azriel’s gentle hand on my shoulder was the sign that the arguing had stopped at all. I didn’t need to be asked a second time and as he flew me back down to the ground below Velaris, I wondered if all of us would make it through the war a second time.

Next Chapter: Here

Taglist: @durgenyx @tothestarsandwhateverend @quinzzelx

[thewalrusespublicist]

"Tbh I was starting to feel a bit down about my blog and what I was putting out ( the eternal crisis on how to give full answers and opinions without being stupid, boring and annoying lol)"

OMG no way! Your blog is one of the best here! What i love the most is reading the analysis and meta from the users, there's always more information and good takes, and yours are always quite deep and insightful.

I would love if you share your opinions about Stuart as well. I feel like he is obviously more sanctified that he should be since he died young (like that insane quote from his mom saying that Brian told her that Stuart could have been the Beatles' manager, no way lol) and i feel his memory has been used to attack Paul, sometimes in a very unfair way. Like, i don't deny the teenage drama and jealousy that Paul felt about him but he *was* a shitty bass player and the band was Paul's future, he was allowed to criticized him not only for being John's new bestie. I also think John played with them both but i lack of your eloquence so i will love to read your take about it.

Hi anon! And the other anons!

Thank you again and to all the other messages I got, they were extremely sweet and really made my day. :)

From my inbox, it's clear you guys want to know about Stu and his role in the Beatles legacy. Well you asked for it and a novel you shall have. Be warned this might be the longest post I've done so grab like a drink or something.

A few disclaimers: I wish and had intended for this to be more of a deep dive into Stu as a whole person rather than just his relationship with John and Paul. Unfortunately I just didn't have the space to do it. If you want to know more about Stu I would highly recommend @eppysboys' blog which is the source for all things Stu Sutcliffe and where I got a lot of this info. Please check their stuff out. Also, I'm going to be a bit blunter on this than maybe I usually am because this topic has been irritating me for some time. Oh also I’m trying my best to answer a lot of asks in one post so please forgive if I don’t fully answer your specific ask about this!

Stu in a perfect world should be a fandom darling: an exciting cipher, a handsome artistic talent that died way too soon who had a major influence in the early Beatles style. It's like there’s this secret other James Dean looking mf Beatle hidden away to uncover, that's cool and he is cool! The problem is that he’s sort of becomes radioactive to talk about in a normal way due to how he's been portrayed and utilised in some biographies and fandom spaces, particularly those that have been infected by John Lennon aspirational boy bestie syndrome. As those types of spaces cannot seem to exist without tearing down Paul to prop John up as their special lil guy, Stu as John's other best friend has become the ideal heavy object to hit Paul McCartney over the head with. It's like a corrosive element, the minute Stu hits a Beatles bio, the biographer suddenly loses all training in objectivity and source work and starts waxing lyrical about 100 percent reliable never biased or wrong Saint Stu of Hamburg who died for our condom arson sins and that Paul McCartney should feel bad about every day of his life for not worshipping Stu and not accepting his own ‘place’ in life as John's just-some-guy placeholder best friend. I’ve personally seen so many posts and forums where Stu being mentioned leads to a legion of comments about how Paul could never have been Stu (correct both ways) and how John would never have even glanced at Paul for much longer if Stu had been alive. Sidenote: If you seriously think that the musical savant from down the road whom John went on to produce the most prolific song writing partnership in history with couldnt have kept his attention for long then I'm begging you on hands and knees to get your head out of the arse of your John Lennon body pillow and be serious. But anyway…

This boy bestie battle royale approach has in turn lead to a reflex reaction where Stu gets studiously ignored by other sections of the fandom as a precedent has been set that shining a light on him diminishes Paul and John's relationship with Paul. It's frustrating because if people weren't so keen to cut Paul out of his own story then we would get a much better nuanced view of every single person involved.

So let's put aside all of our defenses, cut the John Lennon loved one ranking system bullshit and lets look at the actual question here which is what was John and Stu's relationship really like and what did he mean to John?

John and Stu met at art college a year or so after Paul and John met. Up to that point John and Paul had their fun little codependant thing going on but Stu quickly became a huge fixture in John's life. Stu had things that Paul couldn't really offer at that point in time. John was at his heart a musician who aspired to be seen as an artist (he would later express surprise that he didn't become an artist). Stu was the passionate artist who knew tons about the art of the period that could teach and inspire John. Their creative leanings meant they could work on projects together and share art notebooks and poetry. (Including yes the one with anti-semitic story which I mention again as I believe it's an important thing to remember when it comes to both John and Stu and the culture of the time.) Stuart by the sounds of it was even writing a novel about John at the time of his death. They were fascinated and inspired by each other.

So, creatively they fired each other up but more importantly perhaps, Stu and John were peers. It's funny to think about when you see the Beatles later but at the time Paul and George were the kids in their school uniform coming to see their cool older friend at art school. That's an important divide. When Paul and George's parents insisted their kids do their homework and go to bed, John and Stu could stay up and talk all hours of the night, which they did. They also could rent a place together and spend long hours chatting (despite John moving out later after realising electricity cost money lol.) There's a different dynamic that the age similarity offered as well. Whilst Paul would later somewhat grow into this role, Stu could act as an authority figure to John as well as open up to John in a way you can really only do with your peers. Stu was the person John opened up to throughout Stu's life:

How long can one go on writing and writing like you. I now don’t really know who I’m writing to or why it’s quiet peculiar. I usually write like this and forget about it but if I put it in a little part of my [almost?] secret self in the hands of someone miles away who will wonder what the hell is going on or just pass it off as toilet paper. Anyway I don’t care really what happens because when I think about it, it’s so bloody unimportant – but what is important who has the right to say that this letter is not important and this is a something any way – anyway – anyway – yeah! I wonder what it would be like to be a cretin or something. I bet it’s gear. & how are you keepin Stuart old chap are you as ok – is life as good – bad shite, great – wonderful as it was or is it just a thousand years of nothing and coolness on and on and on. I think this is it Goodbye Stu don’t write out of – er what is it? well not because you think you ought to write when you feel like So goodbye (from John you know the one with glasses) ANYWAY BYE BYE see you soon I don’t know why I said that I remember a time when everyone I loved hated me because I hated them so what so what so fucking what I remember a time when belly buttons were knee high when only shitting was dirty and everything else clean + beautiful I can’t remember anything without a sadness So deep that it hardly becomes known to me so deep that its tears leave me a spectator of my own STUPIDITY + so I go rambling on with a hey nonny nonny nonny no

Extract from a letter to Stuart Sutcliffe from John Lennon, 1961

By lots of accounts Stu was gentle but firm when it came to telling John he'd gone too far. John references this aspect of Stu to Hunter Davies:

"I looked up to Stu. I depended on him to tell me the truth. Stu would tell me if something was good and I'd believe him."

The Beatles: The Authorised Biography (Hunter Davies)

In this way I kind of see Stu as a proto-Yoko. John was so insecure and uncertain about his grip on the world and reality that he relied on Stu to be his point of reference and guide. Paul did this too later and I think in Hunter Davies John mentions this, but not at this time period and not as much due to their competitiveness. This may be why some people saw Stu as the person that really understood John at this time period:

"During the turbulent adolescence that prefaced a turbulent manhood, hardly anyone knew Lennon as intimately as Stuart Sutcliffe. If they weren't exactly David and Jonathan, June Furlong, one of the life models at Liverpool's Regional College of Art, had "never seen two teenagers as close as those two."

The Gospel According To Lennon by Alan Clayson

Now this person likely never met John and Paul together but this is only one of many similar quotes and even Julia captain of John and Paul's friendship boat seems to agree there was a period where Stu dominated and Paul 'kept his distance' from the John-Cyn-Stu 'menage-a-trois'. But the friendship wasn't perfect and his position as John's ultimate best friend was never iron clad. This is best outlined by the shit they pulled when John convinced him to join on Bass for the Beatles.

Despite being John's best friend, Stu was teased and bullied:

"They argued as usual amongst themselves, but most of all they picked on Stu, the newest member of the group. John, George and Paul had been with each other long enough to know that rows and arguments and criticism didn't mean much. If it did, you just argued back. "We were terrible," says John. "We'd tell Stu he couldn't sit with us, or eat with us. We'd tell him to go away, and he did." At one hotel they stayed at, a variety show had just left. There had been a dwarf in the show and they found out which bed he had slept in and said that would have to be Stu's. They certainly weren't going to sleep in it. So Stu had to. "That was how he learned to be with us," says John. "It was all stupid, but that was what we were like."

The Beatles: The Authorised Biography (Hunter Davies)

Why John encouraged this I have no idea, maybe jealousy over Stu's looks and wanting to play people off each other? Things were tense in both Scotland and Hamburg, especially between Stu and Paul. As I said in my last post, the girls were fighting and it was mutual. Paul was mad for both fair and immature teenage-boy reasons. Stu could not be bothered with the bass most of the time and couldn't really play well and was only there as he was '(John's) best friend' (ouch for Paul). Paul conversely had given up higher education to be there and was sending lots of money back home. He also was dating the girl Paul fancied. Stu was popular with the new group and also did mean things like help John steal Paul's money when money was really tight for him. Paul in turn was a passive aggressive, jealous and mean. It all came to ahead in the punch up onstage which according to Spitz came about from Paul wanting money back and saying that Stu could borrow some from Astrid. Stu goes for him and reports vary from full-on bust up to embarrassing scuffle. Stu then goes to where Astrid and Paul's gf Dot are, demands Dot leaves and goes on a rant about Paul. Now all of this must be framed in the context of Stu receiving increasing brain damage from his condition that seemingly lead to mood swings and anger. Nevertheless, the mutual needling and anger, as well as John's refusal to do/say fuck all about it, especially given how protective John was of Stu, suggests that it wasn’t straightforward and/or John may have been playing some games to make both feel threatened. This would also make sense as to why we hear conflicting accounts of John and Stu being the centre of everything and everyone else in orbit AND John and Paul being the centre and everyone else playing catch-up, as well as John giving Paul the lead to take him round the Reeperbahn when John got dressed in the gorilla costume. (I know Paul may have just been the closest there but that always gave off bestie behaviour to me.)

(I did get an ask about how John and Paul's friendship survived it, I think it was damaged by Hamburg. When Paul got back home he got a job at a construction site and there's just a vibe of everything being a bit on tenterhooks. John also acts a bit weird at the period, not talking to anyone for a few weeks then making a lot of weird demands from Paul. I'm really not sure what to make of it.)

Even when he's back in Liverpool, John still writes long letters to Stu and vice-versa. I can't find it at all but I’ve read a really sad interview with John saying he missed his best mate and it's a shame that he's not with them. He had no idea at that point that Stu had already died of a brain hemorrhage at 21.

John is said to have gone into hysterics when he found out Stu had died. A lot of people who've spoken about this time (Aunt Mimi, his sister Julia, the Exsis) concur that at this point Stu was his best friend and the death shattered him. He even told Astrid he wished he could give his life for Stu’s. This is backed up by the fact that John never forgot Stu and his shadow lingered for the rest of John's life:

Stu was recalled in In My Life

Years later, after John composed the first of his truly poignant and heartfelt Beatles songs, "In My Life"—with its lines about "friends I still can recall/some are dead and some are living"—he revealed to me that the two people he had had uppermost in mind were myself and Stuart Sutcliffe. And then he stunned me with a statement that I'd never heard him address to anyone—least of all to another man. "You know, Pete," he said softly, "I do love you. But," he quickly added, "I loved Stuart as well."

Weird that Paul isn't mentioned surely you think that he would be mentioned if Pete was there too okay, okay my tin hat is going away this isn't the time

Pete Shotton, Nicholas Schaffner, John Lennon: In My Life

In 1965 John drew Stu on a postcard

He apparently said this about Stu prior to sending the postcard, prompted by an article about Stuart.

The card had been sent from Genoa mid-way through the Beatles' Italian tour. [...] But the conversation had become maudlin when I reminded him that he was going to talk to me for an article about Stuart. [...] In that sad telephone conversation before they set off for Milan, I asked him if he was happy: 'I'd be a lot happier if Stuart was still part of us,' he said, 'The Beatles would be complete.' And before he rang off he said 'Ill send you something.'

He also appears on the cover of Sgt Pepper

As mentioned, Stu gets mentioned in Hunter Davies in terms of wistfulness and guilt AND he gets a mention in John's insane 'if I were a homosexual' ramblings in early 70s. According to Yoko, John also wanted Yoko to write letters to him and didn't think it would be strange because Stu wrote letters to him.

I have a pet theory that as with a lot of things for John, his unresolved grief over Stu really came to the fore in the late 60s now that he had actually had a chance to sit down and think about things. I believe it was partially why he wanted Yoko to write letters and why he gets mentioned in the early 70s as a collaborator/best friend and not in 1980 where John only gives that credit to Paul and Yoko. I think with the cracks with Paul, John had started to think back on his old friend and guide and what advice he would give.

Stuarts presence is still felt throughout the seventies:

“He told me everything. He loved to talk about Hamburg. There were no secrets. It was the kind of life I never knew…. It meant total freedom. At his side always was Stuart, sweet Stuart. There wasn’t a time in John’s life when he didn’t think about Stuart. He spoke always of his love and respect for Stuart.”

Yoko discussing Stu in When They Were Boys: The True Story of the Beatles’ Rise to the Top by Larry Kane

Coming to grips with his death is also present in Skywriting

SEAN O’HAIRE: What happened to Stuart Cliff? DR. FISCHY: What happened was a full exchange of energy where it was not needed within the expression of your own self or in the energies involved around and about you. We cannot call it a happening. We’ll say it is an awakening, for in that way it has served an expression from the past to the present and to the future to where there shall be more of that incomplete vibration expressed to you in a more fuller understanding.

Skywriting by Word of Mouth, John Lennon

This isn't exhaustive but I think from all this it's pretty clear that John adored Stu, John grieved Stu and kept grieving Stu. Stu had a specific place in his life as a confidant that he tried to recreate with Yoko. At the time of Stu's death, he was John's best friend, probably slightly over Paul. Stuart had been able to be both a friend and paternal presence, a confidant and an artistic collaborator. His presence and loss was one of the foundational points in John's life.

But as we've been asked to play this stupid game and so many bios like to make a hoopla about it, were they at their closest ever as close as John and Paul were at their height?

No.

How do we know? Because John told us so:

" He [Paul] still is the closest friend I've ever had, except for Yoko, so I'm still close to him whatever goes on."

John Lennon to an interviewer, 1971

But Walrus! John just says shit! How do we know he isn't leaving out Stu because the press don't know Stu. Well true John does just say shit but this is at a time where John isn't the most glowing about Paul and he's had no problem mentioning Stu in this time period ('one of my best friends ever' would have made a similar point).

But Walrus again! If John picked Stu over Paul when they were young why wouldn't he be the boy bestie of all time, and why would John say that he was closer to Paul? Well, because of the environment and timings. Stu's death happened near the beginning of John and Paul's major bonding moments. If you look at their personal timeline, Paris, the Nerk twins, and getting signed happened just before Stu died. That's missing the major years of Beatlemania, Key West, LSD, Paul growing more into being John's peer and a load of other huge moments in their lives. It's like how John writes to Cyn in 1962 about wanting the house to themselves and not have Paul around all the time. Would you say because he feels closer to Cyn then that John in his overall lifetime loved Cyn more than Paul? No, because relationships change over time and theirs were no exception. (One thing to consider as well is that we don't yet have many letters between John and Paul during their Beatles years and earlier, probably because they were spending so much time with each other. We know a couple exist that Paul considers too personal for publication but I'm sure there are others. It's easy to understand what John felt for Stu as we have the letters, I think we would also have an easier time understanding what John felt for Paul if we had the equivalent of those.)

At the end of the day Paul was the man he believed he had a psychic bond with, the man he couldn’t shut up about, the man whom he’d conquered the world with with their endless collaboration, the man with a twin personality to him and according to John spent more time with throughout the 60s than he had with Yoko ever. To be frank if Paul had died in 67' I don't think this would have been a conversation.

As mentioned early, in early 1970s John elevates his partnership with Stu to his collaborations with Paul and Yoko but by 1980 he’s pretty clear that Paul and Yoko are their own category.

"I was saying to somebody the other day, “There’s only two artists I’ve ever worked with for more than a one night stand, as it were. That’s Paul McCartney, and Yoko Ono.” And I think that’s a pretty damned good choice!!"

John Lennon interview with DJ Dave Sholin, 1980

There are of course the what ifs. Would Stu still being alive mean that John was not as close with Paul? Maybe, highly doubtful though as the Beatles experience was so intense. If Stu remained a Beatle would John be as close with Paul? If Stu remained a Beatle he wouldn't be Stu so no. At the same time who knows what it would have been like if Paul and John were peers from the off? I said this to @the62ndbugsfan when it comes to Stu vs Paul (hi girl sorry i've made our chat a whole ass post lol) but to go a bit Wuthering Heights, soulmates are made as much from the earth as they are of the stars. What binds us is our experiences just as much as our personalities. There may be a universe where Stu and John took on the art world together or became inseparable bffs again after the Beatles disbanded, but it is not our universe. In this universe Stu tragically died and John and Paul chose to become Lennon/McCartney and artistically unite themselves forever.

Even going back to Stu's lifetime, I've said it before and I'll say it again I find it interesting that not only did John choose to go to Paris with Paul rather than pay to meet up with Stu somewhere but that they arranged to meet up with Juergen and nobody told Stu until they'd already gone. Stu was shocked and didn't know if it meant the end of the Beatles which is a pretty big thing for him not to know about. Why didn't John tell him if they're apparently still writing long letters? Was it because he really wanted to do this with Paul and didn't want to hurt Stu's feelings? And that's really the point I want to make here. Due to his trauma John was preoccupied with reinforcing ranking of relationships within his life. But the thing is friendship rankings are made up guidelines and the reality is far more complicated. You can have a designated best friend but feel closer to another friend at times, you can want to do one thing specifically with one friend and not the other for various reasons. You can (as I do) have more than one equal best friend. Friendship as with most relationships are in a constant state of flux and each friendship you have will give and mean a different thing, even if they are of similar value to you.

Paul may have ended up closer to John than Stu had been, but that doesen't make John's relationship with Stu any less special. Nor does Stu negate the significance of Paul. Whilst both fit into John's pattern of intense relationships and demands related to that, both had unique positions and meaning to him. Considering what I've gone into about John's closeness to Stu, it actually says something deeply, borderline unnervingly, intense about John and Paul that Paul pipped Stu to the post. Maybe it's time Beatles bios accept the fact that John Lennon just wouldn't be into them like that, stop using a tragically prematurely deceased young man as a prop in their jealous psychological warfare against Paul McCartney, stop perpetuating one of the most damaging games that John did to his loved ones and allow both relationships the space to shine and showcase the amazing talent that was the Beatles and those that surrounded them.

[arielleslipgloss]

hii arielle! so now that is summer i would love to rest and take a long break but also keep my days productive, like having a good morning and night routine as well as doing chores and feeling motivated enough to do them, etc, but i'm literally always mophing around feeling really down. what would you recommend for that?

have a great summer!! from a pinterest girlblogger <3

Ahhh hiii love!! Tysm for asking this 💗

Summer Lifestyle

“I don’t chase, I attract. What’s mean’t for me will simply find me.” - Kendall Jenner

Routines!! Your morning and night will impact your summer A LOT. Just in general, having routines will impact your life. If you don’t have a set routine it’ll be hard to stay productive. So, make sure your routine(s) are always adjusted to your schedule. Whether that means time for chores, exercise, or your hobbies. Just try your best to fit it in. Also, try not to overpack your routines with loads of stuff. Making your routines too long could make you unmotivated throughout the day. So try to keep your routines short. That way you don’t rush everything on your to do list. Also, having a short & flexible routine will let you have more freedom throughout the day. For example, maybe you forgot to do a chore from yesterday? Well, with a flexible routine you should be able to do that chore. Without having loads of stuff to do on top of that.

2. Self care days!! Summer is the season to REST! No more stressing over exams and no more drama. It’s time to take a step back and rest. Meaning, take time to care for yourself. Do your nails, skincare, steam your face, make yummy food, watch a movie, romanticize summer, journal, read, develop new hobbies, take a everything shower, spend time in nature, etc. Whatever you can do to refresh your mind, I’d do! Even if that sometimes means rotting in bed. If you’ve been stressed out DEFINITELY take time to, rot in bed, spend time in nature, watch a bunch of movies with popcorn, etc.

3. Make a list of activities to do!! Me personally, I love making bucket lists. For example, this summer I wanted to go blueberry picking, get baptized, go golfing, make lots of flower bouquets, etc. I always like to make bucket lists for different seasons. Especially bucket lists for summer. That way I’m not bored 24/7. It’s like a fun adventure that I do every year. So, I would definitely recommend making bucket lists. It’s the perfect way to stay occupied with different activities. Or if you don’t want to make a bucket list, try new hobbies. You can simply list things you are interested in doing right in your notes app. Then do them whenever you want!!

4. Practice self love!! Doll, it’s summer! We shouldn’t be down bad crying at the gym. We got love to give ourselves!! It’s time to acknowledge how wonderful you are. 2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” We all were created beautifully and with care!! There’s no reason why we shouldn’t love ourselves.

5. Motivation!! Unfortunately we aren’t always going to feel motivated. Which is why I constantly will tell you dolls to work on having discipline. It’s something we will all struggle with time-to-time. However, we have to push through and do whatever we have to do anyways. Pushing through may even help you become motivated. But just because it’s difficult in the moment, doesn’t mean it will be difficult forever. So, keep a positive mindset and keep going!! You got this doll! 💗

6. Get off your phone and go in nature!! I know, I know you dolls probably don’t like to hear it, but seriously. We spend so much time on our phones. Our dopamine levels are probably through the roof. So, take time to slow down and go out in nature. Maybe all you do is run away from bugs, people watch, read a book, or pick dandelions. However you spend time in nature, make sure you actually breathe. Take time to look around. Romanticize those moments that you run away from bugs or read a book.

“You can help as many people as you want but you also have to remember to check in on yourself.” - Kendall Jenner

Love you dolls!! Remember to enjoy all moments in your life 💗

Xoxo, Arielle 💋🎀

[jennifer-jeong]

Fluff + Comfort | GN!Reader Warm Tea and Hugs

CONTENT Gender neutral reader, reader is ugly crying, shared home, hugs, kisses, comfort, fluff, established relationship, ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+

AUTHOR NOTES Pick your favorite character and read! The wording might not perfectly fit all characters I’ve listed so I apologize for making anyone too OC. Also feel free to pick a character I didn’t list! This fic is for you and your personal comfort :) Also! If you’re reading and you’re feeling down, I hope this is able to help even if just a little bit. Just know you are indeed doing great and you’re not alone. Please take care of yourselves! Mwah.

ITADORI YUJI, OKKOTSU YUTA, TOGE INUMAKI (SEE NOTE 1 at the bottom), Gojo Satoru, KAVEH, KAEDEHARA KAZUHA, THOMA, KAEYA, CHILDE, VENTI, Tighnari, Xiao, Kamisato Ayato, MARIUS VON HAGEN, LUKE PEARCE, RAFAYEL, Xavier, SUGAWARA KOUSHI, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Kuroo Tetsuro, SABITO, AMAJIKI TAMAKI, NITORI AIICHIROU, HEARTSTEAL APHELIOS (SEE NOTE 2), Heartsteel Ezreal, SHXTOU (vtuber Shoto), Howl, OR any babygirl man <3

WORD COUNT: 996

You weren’t unfamiliar with the current feeling you were having but it still sucked nonetheless. You’ve been having a bad day, week, month, basically it’s just been sucky. One of your preferred ways of coping was just to cry, sometimes with your sad playlist to get it flowing. Basically, let it all out with a good cry and hope it gets better. You were fine to cry alone, if anything it was better that no one had to see you like this. You could ugly cry all you wanted and not have to be perceived. But both fortunately and unfortunately your boyfriend came home a few hours early. He was supposed to be out for work until early tomorrow morning but he wanted to see you and surprise you by coming the night before, albeit late at night. He called out your name happily to locate you within your shared home. You trust him so when you heard him you didn’t feel the need to hide or pretend you weren’t crying. You called out his name to signal you were in your room and immediately he could tell something was off. Your voice was hoarse and cracked and so he quickly put down his stuff to speed walk over to you. When he opened the door and saw you crying he immediately rushed to you to envelop you in a hug. “Baby what’s wrong?” he said with a slight pout and concern in his eyes. He loved you so much and just wanted to make you smile and happy, he knew that emotions were normal and that having a good cry is good, he even does it himself sometimes heh. But he hates to see you cry, it breaks his heart a bit. He ushers you to the bed so you can both sit and hug comfortably. You tell him that it’s just been a lot and you rant a bit about your troubles. You don’t say a lot but he doesn’t need to hear the details to know how you feel and how to comfort you. “I’m so sorry darling. Listen, I love you so much and I’m sorry you have to go through this right now. I wish I could take this all away for you and maybe I can’t but I know that I can try my hardest to try and help. You’re such a sweetheart and a gentle soul and you deserve the world.” He gives you forehead kisses as he wipes your tears with a tissue he grabbed from your table. He hugs you tight as you ugly cry a little from his words. “You’re doing amazing, darling. You’re always doing your best and I hope you never forget that. You’ve told me so much about you and your past and I hope you know how strong you are.” He strokes your hair and your back as he says this. You feel his heartbeat, his body, and the vibrations of his voice against you as he speaks. “Let it out, we’ll get you a snack, and we’ll sleep, you can deal with whatever else tomorrow. For tonight please just rest, you always work so hard.” You pull back to give him a small nod. He smiles at how cute you are even while crying and gives you a long, reassuring kiss. He cups your face with his hands and wipes your tears a bit with his thumbs. You both pull back and you croak out “I’m sorry that you had to come back just to worry about me and comfort me.” “You always take such good care of me, this is the least I can do. Let me know how else I can help support you. If you need more hugs, kisses, reassurance, or anything at all, just tell me. Okay?” He says warmly, smiling at you with soft adoration in his eyes. You nod again as tears flow out because he’s treating you so sweetly. “Thank you… I love you so much and I appreciate you,” you say, half crying, as you kiss him. “No need to thank me baby. I love you so much too.” You sit with your foreheads pressed together for a bit as you finish crying. “Let’s get you a snack sweetheart,” he says while standing up and offering you his hand. You nod and smile.

He holds your hand all the way to the kitchen and it makes you giggle and your heart flutter. He makes you both cups of your favorite tea but decaf because you need to sleep! He grabs you some of your shared collection of snacks and you head back to the bed. You finish your tea together while chatting about his recent work/mission and you both feel warm from the tea and also just from each other. You put down your cups and lay down to cuddle. He turns the lights off and wraps his arms around you. He lays on his back to let you sleep on his chest with one arm around you and the free one brushing through your hair. “I love you so much. Never forget that. I hope that you also love yourself as much as I love you because you deserve it. If you can’t right now, that’s okay, we’ll do it together, slowly.” You share a few more kisses as you tell him you love him too, that you’ll definitely try, and that you hope he loves himself like that too. Your hearts are full as you drift into sleep together. Maybe the future will be nice, but even if it isn’t, it doesn’t matter. You’ll always have him and he’ll always have you. He’s given you the power to love yourself and you’ve given the same back. Life will inevitably get hard but you feel like that you might just be able to face it because you’re not alone. You both doze off into the night, smiling in each other's embrace.

NOTES (YES I KNOW THEY CAN’T TALK LOL HERE ARE MY EXPLANATIONS) NOTE 1: personal headcanon that will be in Inumaki’s own fic eventually: Inumaki learned to not funnel cursed energy into his speech for short periods of time and he uses it for when you really need to hear his voice, you can also help him suppress the cursed energy by blocking it with yours by mentally aiming it at his throat. NOTE 2: since this is for heartsteel Aphelios (because I haven’t researched regular Aphelios’s lore enough yet) it seems that he can still talk, he just chooses not to. He lost his ability to sing but I haven’t found anything that says he can’t speak or use his vocal chords. In game, he still has the ability to yell or grunt when he’s attacking or even doing his emotes. I just headcanon that he doesn’t like how his voice sounds after losing his singing voice (even though you reassure him he really does sound the same) and it also strains him to speak for too long. But, he will speak to you commonly in short bursts, or will speak when you need to hear him.

|| MASTERLIST <3 || Thank you for reading! ||

[arcanegifs]

On Gifmaking:

So season 2's coming soon, and I wanna reflect on making gifs ever since I came back to Tumblr. I can't believe it's been 2 years of making gifs for this show!!!!! Look at how large my folder is lmao

And those are JUST gifs lol

Anyways, over time, my style has changed, especially how I color edit Arcane gifs. I kind of strayed away from a stylized filter color into just something that looks a lot more "natural" and works with the original scene.

Initially, I thought I'd save time, but I ended up not using my old arcane preset PSDs and resulted to coloring almost every scene manually. So in the end, it takes even longer to make them HAHAHA. It takes around an hour and a half for me to make a 10 gif set, basically. It also helps that I have a photography background, so coloring/editing is a lot simpler for me.

Here's a lil before and after of a dark scene (hiiiii viiiiiii <3)

Arcane is a REALLY dark show, but it goes for most of TV shows. Many of them are darker and harder to bring up the lights to make stuff look nice as gifs. Some people don't like to color their gifs, and that's okay. I personally just like color edited gifs more.

I've started learning how to upscale scenes myself, so that I have a better resolution and leeway to make things look "HD" more.

If you're wondering why my stuff look so "crisp", it's a combination of the scene's lighting, my sharpening settings on Photoshop and knowing how to upscale everything into 4k resolution. Of course, doing this needs an extremely beefy pc, which I am very lucky to own one.

Here's another before and after of a nicely lit scene. These are much, MUCH easier to do than all the darkly lit scenes because of shadows and lighting (caitlyn kiramman truly the rizzler <3)

I've been very lucky to be able to essentially take a nice, long break for like a month doing nothing after being so damn busy for the last year and a half, so it's nice that I was able to make a ton of gifs and be chronically online for a short while LMAO.

It's been so fun! But it's time to go back to reality lmao. I closed reqs for a bit because I was just so swamped with them the last few days, and I wanted to gif scenes that I like this time. I've done like 2 weeks worth of gifs. And you will see Vi a lot bc she's on my mind a lot heehee 🥰what can I say, she's such a babe <3

Here's a lil sneak peek, just look at herrrrrrr 🥰🥰🥰 and yeah, 4k upscaled resolution really helps making these tight crops, it's why i never went back to 1080p lol. It's how I’m able to make zoomed in gifs look decent (like the kirammountains gifset lol)

Thank you so much for all the support, likes, reblogs, and the nice tags you guys give. Yes, I can see and read all of them (both the nice and nasty ones lmao). If you have nothing good to say about the characters or my editing style, or anything related to the edit, please I beg you, just write a separate text post about it <3 If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it in my edits.

Lastly, thank you to the people who share my stuff outside the site and credit the blog and link them back here. I see you and appreciate you <3 You guys don't know how much I appreciate shoutouts and link backs, because people stealing my gifs is something that I've dealt with after making them for like a decade.

Tumblr is sadly not what it used to be in the 2013-2015 era. There’s definitely less activity as time goes by, so I appreciate all the people who credit and link back to this sideblog. Unfortunately, there’s more people who just repost them and it gets wayyy much more traction in other soc med sites. Yeah, ofc I get a lil jealous, but eh what can you do 😞 can’t really stop em.

I also don’t like putting watermarks because it personally looks tacky to me, but I understand why other people do it.

Anyways, if you reached at the end of this lil rambling of mine, thank you! I sadly might be busy during November because that's usually busy season, but I'll try to make time for making gifs of Season 2! Thank you and enjoy your stay on this lil sideblog :)

[saltydkdan]

Hey, I just came from watching the UT Yellow Genocide VOD and wanted to let you know that saying things ‘low/lack of empathy = reason for bigotry/makes someone bad’ (said during the trans rights segment) is an ableist statement due to the fact its can be a common symptom of neurodivergency (mainly autism iirc) and personality disorders. I know you, like most people, probably didn’t intend it to be because low/no empathy is unfortunately just not talked about a lot right now. a better word to use in the context you did would be sympathy/compassion and such. Again, not gonna start a crusade against you since its an unfortunately common mistake, just wanted to let you know 

Okay so, I got to learn something today! It’s a very nuanced conversation, and because of that, I failed to talk about it properly and used a blanket statement for something much more specific! Let me see if I can rephrase what I’m talking about so it comes off closer to what I was trying to mean now that I know a bit better:

So, obviously, the incapability to feel empathy for another person’s struggles isn’t inherently a bad thing! Emotional nuerodivergency is not bad, whatsoever, I want to make that super clear.

What I talked about during that stream is that people on the Alt Right side of the political spectrum are usually that way due to a LACK of sympathy/compassion (better words, as you said in your message!) The inability to feel anything or think of anything for someone based on their situation, the life that they have lived, and the struggles that they may face being who they are.

Lack of empathy can definitely play a role in this alongside the absence of stuff like compassion and sympathy, but as I said, lack of empathy alone is not a bad thing. It can be difficult in general to feel empathetic to an experience you are unfamiliar with. That’s true for anyone I think.

But it’s a lack of “acknowledgement” that’s the real issue. People who are born with so much privilege that they don’t care to look outside of their own self contained box to see how much pain others might be in that live in the same world as them.

So as you said, I def think sympathy/compassion probably works much better definition wise. Honestly I was confused as to what the difference was until I did proper research. Thanks for letting me know on that.

I’m hoping that this portrays my feelings on it better, but you can by all means let me know. Just need to replace the word “empathy” in my brain and swap it with stuff that better fits what I thought it meant.

Anyway, really sorry about that. That’s insanely embarrassing and I’m glad you sent this.

[thollandsgirl2013]

𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐎𝐧 𝐒𝐞𝐭

Parings → Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings → none

Summary → Your first time going to set with Tom and meeting his friends.

The makeup room was filled with the soft hum of activity as you sat in a chair, watching Tom annoy Rachel for the millionth time. You smile to yourself, she's the only person you know here. It was your first time joining him on set, and Tom and Harrison had hyped you up endlessly, saying you'd get along with everyone. Still, the nervous butterflies in your stomach hadn’t quite settled.

Rachel noticed your anxious energy and gave you a kind smile as she brushed powder across Tom's face. "Don’t worry, hun, everyone’s going to love you. Besides, if you survive this idiot’s teasing, you can handle anything," she teased, nudging Tom with her elbow.

Tom, dressed in his Peter Parker outfit, grinned mischievously at Rachel. "Oi, I’m a delight, you know that."

Rachel rolled her eyes dramatically, but the smile tugging at her lips gave her away. "Sure, Holland. Now stop moving, or I’m going to make Peter look like he spent the night in a dumpster."

You giggled, watching the exchange. Tom’s eyes lit up at the sound of your laughter, and he winked at you in the mirror. "Well, look at that, it’s Peter Parker," he said in a mock-serious tone, puffing out his chest as if he were about to save the day.

You shook your head, biting your lip to stop a laugh. "More like Peter Dorker."

Tom gasped, placing a hand dramatically on his chest. "Wow, babe. Betrayal, right here. Rachel, back me up."

Rachel smirked. "Sorry, Tom. She’s got a point."

He pouted, spinning around in the chair. "I knew bringing you here would be a mistake. You’re all conspiring against me."

You smiled softly. Being here with him made your nerves simmer down, but there was still a lot ahead—meeting his friends, the ones he had talked so much about.

After a bit more back-and-forth banter, Tom’s scene was about to start filming, so you followed him to the set with Harrison. The set was buzzing with activity, and Tom jogged off to prepare while you sat down with Haz, watching him from afar.

Harrison leaned over, nudging you. "Relax, Y/n. You’re gonna be fine. They’re super chill."

"I’m not nervous," you muttered, though your fidgeting hands gave you away.

Harrison gave you a knowing look. "Sure, sure. You know you don’t have to impress anyone, right? They’ll love you. Especially after all the stuff Tom’s said about you."

Before you could respond, you saw two figures walking toward you. It was Zendaya and Jacob, and your heart skipped a beat.

"Hey, Haz!" Zendaya greeted, flashing him a bright smile. Then her gaze shifted to you, and she grinned wider. "And you must be the famous Y/n!"

Jacob grinned too. "Yeah, Tom doesn’t shut up about you."

Your eyes widened, and a flush of embarrassment crept up your cheeks. "H-He doesn’t?"

Harrison snickered, jumping in before you could say more. "Guys, this is Y/n, my best friend and unfortunately also Tom’s girlfriend."

You rolled your eyes and waved shyly, your voice coming out quieter than you wanted. "Hey."

Zendaya shot you a warm smile, stepping closer. "Don’t worry, we’ve heard all good things. You don’t have to be nervous or anything. We don’t bite—except maybe Tom," she teased, earning a chuckle from Jacob.

You shook your head quickly, trying to appear more relaxed. "I’m not nervous."

"Sure, sure," Zendaya said, mimicking Harrison’s earlier words. "But seriously, it’s cool you’re here. We’ve been wanting to meet the girl Tom’s always talking about."

You were about to respond when you saw Tom jogging back toward you, slightly out of breath. "Hey!" He panted, grinning at everyone.

Jacob raised an eyebrow at him. "Hello, Thomas. You could have at least introduced your girlfriend to us before running off."

Tom’s eyes widened slightly, as if the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. "Oh, yeah! Right. Uh, well, guys, this is Y/n, my lovely girlfriend."

Without missing a beat, Tom wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on top of your head. You felt yourself instantly relax in his embrace, though your face flushed from all the attention.

Zendaya raised an eyebrow, smirking playfully. "Aw, look at that. Peter Parker and his girlfriend. You guys are cute."

Jacob grinned too. "I don’t know how you put up with him, honestly. It must be exhausting."

You laughed softly, leaning back into Tom’s chest. "Oh, you have no idea."

Tom chuckled, pressing a kiss to your hair. "Hey, I’m a joy to be around, right, babe?"

You rolled your eyes but smiled up at him. "Sure, love."

Harrison snorted from beside you. "See, I told you guys. She’s great."

Zendaya crossed her arms, her smirk widening. "I like her already. We’ll get along just fine."

Tom squeezed you tighter, grinning ear to ear. "Told you, darling. You’re gonna fit right in."

As the conversation flowed, you could feel the warmth of everyone around you, and slowly, the nervousness began to melt away. Maybe Tom and Harrison were right—this was going to be a great experience after all.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

[dadbots]

Whimsical adventures of (May)hem… and hello, June!

[madockisser]

Hello! I love your analysis and had a questions for you

What are your thoughts on Vivi and Heather? Do you think vivi is toxic?

Vivienne Duarte analysis/short vivi and heathers relationship analysis

hii! Thank you for the ask! btw yes i have seen your other asks and i am working on them! just verrryyy slowly(most of them are more than halfway finished but i am missing little tidbits of info)

let me just get this out of the way: her upbringing.

Vivienne very obviously adored Eva and Justin and considered them family. we don’t have a whole lot of her speaking abt them, but in the lost sisters Vivienne says that Eva was once speaking w her, in the bathtub, and Eva had pretty much told her to be kind. To be kind just because she should:

it makes me think a lot abt Eva and what she thought of the fae, and also madoc, but from vivis pov, she wasn’t too pleased w this as a child, and she “thinking it unfair, began drowning boats under the suds again”(not word for word)

i just thought it was worth mentioning. Vivi doesn’t seem to take her mother’s advice, but perhaps she COULD act worse. she COULD act like a monster, yet holds herself back from doing so? Vivi is half human, but faerie blood breeds true.

anyway, Jude only had good memories of her parents, they seemed to be very good to them all, Justin, who never raised a hand to discipline them, and Eva, who “threw her head back when she laughed” and stuff. I don’t recall any negatives of their parenting. Of course minus hiding the world of faeries and that danger from them, but can you fault them for that? Not really.

Anyway, vivienne had more memories as she was around 2 or 3 years older? She was 9 when madoc took her to elfhame.

The point is, she holds more fondness for the mortal world since she was there longer, and also acts like she has more fondness for their parents bc she is elder and has more memories of them.

i think she also holds more fondness for the mortal world bc she doesn’t want to face the reality that her father is a horrible murderer.

It’s unfortunate that we don’t see if she ever KNEW that she was fae before madoc came around, which would’ve been interesting, and if she didn’t, maybe she copes w being “a monster” by staying in the mortal world.

Her character is devastating.

She doesn’t seem to fault Eva for “stealing” her, or Justin for anything. She places all the blame on madoc(understandable, i only mention this bc jude doesn’t seem to do the same, partly so it’s easier for her to come to love madoc) and as the girls come to care for him, she seems to begins to try to convince them otherwise thru hurting them and raging.

random knowledge dump abt vivi below before the actual analysis:

1. vivienne is described a lot of ways, by Jude and Taryn, selfish but in a fun way, and moody when things don’t go her way. her behavior seems very up and down, could be from trauma, could be from her fae nature.

2. Vivi stays in elfhame for Jude and Taryn, and when Jude and Taryn are no longer at home, she leaves for the mortal world. which is bittersweet that she stayed for them and only them.

3. Vivienne faults orianna abt treating Jude and Taryn in a sort of discriminatory faerie way, but she also sorta does the same, through her actions.

Anyway sorry for the ramble, here’s the actual analysis:

I’m splitting this into parts, w her relations, like w heather. Vivi and heather, now i love them. Especially in the 1st book, a fae x human couple that meets up at the mall and at art school is soso cute!

but like every fae x human relationship, or any relationship at all, there’s bound to be problems.

Most of these problems stem from vivis personality and nature itself.

Before i get into it, i wanna quickly add that we see vivi thru Jude’s pov, so there already some bias, there. Also this is just my perceived opinion!

Vivi, throughout the whole series, is a very interesting character. honestly i often think that she’s pretty unfeeling toward humans.

she faults Taryn and Jude for loving madoc, for succumbing to the magical aspects of elfhame and the fae. which makes sense, she is fae herself, she has few reasons to have any sort of attachment to elfhame or the fae.

but it’s to be noted that vivi has the capacity to be quite cruel, slapping and pinching Taryn and Jude for loving madoc and the beauty of the high court.

(now you could say that cruelty was stemmed out of love, out of her want for her sisters to be safe, but vivis other actions are also pretty cruel, in the sense that she may not mean for it to be awful, but it is. she’s fae, so it’s harder to analyze her true feelings)

but what we see of Vivis personality, is that she is very selfish. Jude says that vivi acts like what has happened to their parents is her tragedy and hers alone. she also says that vivi is selfish in a way that can be fun, she eggs ppl on to have fun w her. (eva Duarte vibes)

i can understand how vivi may feel about the girls in elfhame, perhaps she blames herself for what happened to Justin and Eva, since of course, madoc came for vivi to bring to her elfhame. and then she perhaps further faults herself for not being able to persuade them to leave elfhame w her.

one of viviennes main problems however, is that she simply does not try to understand. she does not try to understand humans and their feelings, her sisters and their dreams, or why Jude and Taryn feel the way they do for madoc and for elfhame. She doesn’t understand that elfhame is their home.

Taryn says this in her internal monologue in the lost sisters:

now I’ve got mixed opinions on this. Of course she doesn’t want Jude and Taryn to stay somewhere that is vehemently unsafe for them, that harbors their murderous father and every other horrible thing for humans. but she almost acts like them staying and facing hardship is what they signed up for. she doesn’t seem to understand that they have little to no choice.

they’re human and she is not. they cannot glamour, and they are mortal. Leaving elfhame means eventual death. Jude doesn’t seem to fear it, but Taryn’s actions make it almost seem like she does. not just wanting to belong- they want to live long. who doesn’t want to live an immortal life in a magical world?

and not just that of course, it’s that Jude and Taryn, (mostly Jude since she states it in her pov) is that they don’t feel like they belong in the mortal world anymore.

now she is fae, but we have seen faeries with the emotional capacity to act without selfishness, to love wholeheartedly (obviously she loves her sisters)

i think vivi is painfully comparable to Locke. Don’t hate me for that take but I’ll explain how they have similar qualities, especially when it comes to treating humans. Humans they are supposed to care abt

the same way that Locke did not try to love the way a human loves, to only explain to Taryn not to expect a faeries love to be like a humans, effectively dismissing his neglect toward her, is pretty similar to how vivienne did not bother to not only tell heather at a suitable time abt faeries and that she is one, that she comes from a world where humans are hated, but also to completely dismiss heathers feelings and drag her to elfhame anyway.

And despite the abuse she has witnessed Jude and Taryn endure, she doesn’t even bother properly telling heather how to be safe in elfhame.

vivi acts very often when it benefits her, trying to drag her sisters to the mortal world, not telling heather abt what she is, etc. she wants and expects things to go her way.

She also pretty often dismisses her sisters dreams. Jude’s knighthood, taryns “throwing herself on some faerie boy”, Jude’s being queen, and oaks future.

She thinks of herself. she swims with Locke and cardan and nicasia and valerian, fully aware of the abuse jude and Taryn endure with them, because they’re friends.

maybe you can chalk it up to viviennes being immortal, so she sees Taryns and Jude’s inconveniences as not worth her time.

but as the one person who should be protecting her sisters, she sure seems to piss off and do whatever else is convenient for her.

add on: Her being friends w their abusers was always so strange to me. it sorta feels like a “told u so!” to Jude and Taryn. she WANTS Jude and Taryn to come live in the mortal world, so maybe she just doesn’t try to help in elfhame for that reason. like she goes out of her way to be a pain (by befriending their abusers) so they get fed up and LEAVE.

another edit bc idk where to fit this: vivi was also friends w rhyia, who, in Jude’s opinion, shared vivis content to throw away customs and sorta act unlike her status and title. free! anyway that leads me to how Jude also said that vivi also liked bringing shame to madocs name and would be proud of her if Jude did something to bring shame to their house (encouraging bad behavior is very funny of her)

i also want to add that vivienne knew that Taryn was sending messages to Locke. before Jude started seeing him. this is stated in the lost sisters. but when vivi is asked if she knows who Taryns secret man is, she doesn’t know. so either she’s dumb or she REALLY doesn’t pay any care or attention to her sisters at all.

now she is a redcap, we are reminded of this not only when she admits that she’s been waiting for the day to kill madoc and shoots him, but also when Jude punches that mortal boy, milo, who was hitting on her. Vivienne starts giggling and glamouring.

redcaps, such as madoc, are often described as sorta air headed (in other holly black books) much more focused on bloodlust or whatever conveniences them.

and that’s another thing. The glamour. She seems mostly fine with glamouring her sisters, and also heather. which probably means that she does it pretty frequently in the mortal world as well(aside from just glamouring herself to look human and glamouring leaves). take that info as you will, but i always thought of glamouring as pretty screwed up, though it is completely unsurprising that she would do it in the mortal world and it’s not something to hold against her. it’s just how she survives.

Similarly to how Jude struggles to survive in elfhame, even if that means becoming a spy and whatnot. Just survival yk

though she does admit to Jude that she never glamoured heather before the night of taryns wedding, which is good. bare minimum tho, esp compared to how cardan didn’t dare glamour Jude, and asked for her permission once tasked w doing so.

also if i remember correctly vivienne was pretty dismissive about glamouring heather when Jude confronted her.

now on a more positive note: vivi helps Jude when Jude asks, which was bittersweet (sisterly bonding time searching for a dead body!) and i loved that. i love that despite it all VIVI is always there for her when she asks. Even if she can be sorta cruel sometimes, she’s atleast there for Jude and Taryn.

After the coronation, vivienne said that she would’ve murdered madoc if his plan had gitten Jude hurt. I love her devotion to her sisters. And her willingness to off madoc at any given moment, especially for them. AND that she never gives up on them. She is always asking them to go to the mortal world w her. Stubborn! (I also like when she calls balekin an asshole!)

Vivi lets her live w her in the mortal world, she takes oak in, she helps Jude and Taryn randomly, etc.

now oak. poor vivi, being trusted w raising a whole faerie child and protecting him bc he’s a little prince! very similar to how madoc had little kiddies thrust upon him! Except this was not vivis fault, and she had no choice.

i think her and oaks relationship was cute, how they are still family despite not being directly related, how she raises him in a very big sisterly way! i think her raising oak also helped a lot w her character development. though we don’t see it, id like to think that she learned things from oak, how to be a better sister mostly.

though naturally she threatened to leave oak at school or ditch him (LOL she’s a very accurately written big sister imo) she didn’t, and cared for him, maybe in an offhand way, and maybe she dismissed his dreams, but that’s just how she is lol. Long lasting sibling tradition to dismiss their life’s work ig!

in qon, which im rereading rn so i apologize if i mistake something, heather and vivi are broken up(deserved) and heather asks vivi to wipe her memory of it all.

now vivi, again, doesn’t even TRY to understand. lol. i wonder a lot at the parallels between Eva and madoc relationship, to heather and vivis.

If they are even a little similar, then OF COURSE Eva left madoc, minus every other reason to leave him lol.

anyway, before her memory is wiped, heather is in elfhame, cardans a snake, and heather is an angel as always. she comforts Jude and tells stories to find some sort of solution to cardans curse. eventually, they’re off to patch things up. memory wipe and other romantic endeavors!

I’d like to add, that i think that vivi has the capacity to change, i think she did, while we only got glimpses of their relationship in tsh and tpt, the heather and vivi crumbs seemed so very sweet.

(Edit after reading “faeries never lie” i think vivienne HAS changed by the end, understands heather and where she is coming from, and truly does love her, and was willing to give away years of her lifespan for heather)

and i really adore the thought that she changed her previous foul behaviors for heather. that’s sweet. it’s HUMAN. Vivienne loved like a faerie, i assume like madoc, until she unlearned it, for heather, because she knew that heather deserved better and that their relationship was suffering bc of it.

i highly recommend faeries never lie, as it is adorable, and i loved it. Heather is a really cool character and I’m glad we got her pov on their relationship!

i won’t spoil too much, but what vivi puts heather thru, (GRANTED, heather DID ask for her memory to be wiped, but only bc of the trauma she endured in elfhame) was so sad to read. but their ending bro. IT WAS SO CUTE.

and I’m glad Heather sorta proved herself and proved vivi that she could be cunning, that she can handle the fae even despite her fear of them.

I’m glad to see that their relationship patched up nicely. even if it took vivi a second try to fix things, vivi def deserves a happy life after what’s she’s endured.

anyway, i think Jude’s and heathers relationship is pretty sweet. and vivi acting the way she does, helps the plot move along, and also helps with Jude’s character development. it really outlines that Jude truly is isolated.

moral of the story, i do like vivienne even if more than half of this was negatives (sorry) she could’ve been a better sister considering it all, but it makes sense to me why she wasn’t. She endured A LOT.

anyway, thank you for the ask! i hope it made sense, i sorta just dumped out all my vivi knowledge lol 🫶 (didn’t go back to get Taryn’s pov in the lost sisters bc i don’t trust that sketchy pdf 😒)

Anyway sorry it took AGES upon AGES to get to, i am really sick rn 😐 hope my feverish delirium made any sense at all, especially considering i kept going back and adding paragraphs between paragraphs (IM SORRY LOL)

[universe-friday]

EXCERPT #65:

Hello. I hope somebody is listening.

[...]

I think that’s all of the updates I have for you, old sport…! As I said before, the City has slowed down for now.

As a consequence, Solus keeps talking my ear off about how bored they are. They seem to be desperate for something to do.

Personally, I’m happiest when the City is as quiet as it is right now.

Unfortunately for me, it’s only a matter of time before it gets loud again.

I suppose that’s what Solus is wishing for.

I suppose that’s what I’m dreading.

I understand the excitement. The streets of the City are finally filled with crowds again… The lecture halls will once again be filled with the dread and tiredness of its students… And best of all, to Solus, I suppose, there’s work to do…!

Lots of it. Sure, keeps you busy. Keeps you away from your setup. Gets you out and about.

As much as I can appreciate that - and I do, it’s just… It’s just not what I want to be doing. Ever, really.

All of those tasks that come with the busy season. Fighting cyborgs. Ensuring the safety of these mindless citizens. All without a single thank you.

How am I supposed to have any motivation to do all of that? Without a single piece of validation?

I understand my morals more than anyone else, old sport… I’ll do it because I know I’ll feel bad if I don’t. If I am aware of a situation, that is, a citizen being in danger, if I knowingly do nothing to help… It doesn’t sit right with me. Simple Kantian philosophical thought, is it not?

But despite that… it’s becoming really hard to do any of this stuff at all. Even if it means they get to stay alive. Would I be so wrong to think they’d be better off dead?

I apologise, old sport. I’m letting my emotions get the best of me.

When I say I only wish to leave the City, I truly mean it. Helping these people gets me nowhere.

But I suppose it keeps me busy while I try to find an escape plan. Perhaps I understand Solus more than I imagined. More than I ever could have wanted to, really.

Now, Solus- Don’t even think about sending a letter under my door right now! I don’t want to read any kind of “I told you so”.

[SOLUS]: (muffled, from outside) Told you so…

[...]