#I do want to make drawings that make people think more deeply - to give D the depth that Kikuchi doesn't allow us hahaha

[swampybogg]

[rebelliousstories]

Logan Howlett/ The Wolverine SFW Alphabet

Relationship: Logan Howlett/ The Wolverine x Reader

Fandom: X-Men

Request: Yes by Anon

Warnings: Fluff, Brief Angst

Word Count: 3,684

Main Masterlist: Here

X-Men Masterlist: Here

Consider donating a TIP or a Kofi: Here

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Logan is a very solitary guy. He’s much more used to being on his own than with someone in any capacity. That said, I do see him as an “acts of service” kind of man. He definitely is getting you refills on your food and drink at mansion parties, and keeping an eye on the people around you. He’ll carry you to your room after a mission, or make sure that you’re not needing any medical assistance, if you are a part of the gang.

If you’re a normie, he’s holding your heels and carrying you home after a night at the bar even though he warned you not to wear them and to just go with your boots.

B = Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Sarcastic comments and playful bullying are your first love languages. I mean, people outside the friendship think you hate each other, but that’s only if they don’t look at you closer. He would always find something to tease you about, but he never let it get too mean.

If you’re an X-Men too, I believe that you guys would have been made to go on a solo mission together. You two have never been this close, so you try to pass the time, but it eventually turns into you pushing Logan’s buttons. So he gives it as good as he gets.

A normal person however, a non-mutant, I could see him just meeting you at every given chance. It’s a small town in Canada that he has decided to stay in; there’s one post office, one coffee shop, and only a couple of bars and restaurants. So yeah, he just keeps running into you, and strikes up a little conversation each time.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Oh he for sure loves to cuddle. You’re going to look at me and tell me that grumpy kitty with the fluffy hair doesn’t like to cuddle?! Oh nay, nay. This man loves it. A major reason is that he loves to make sure you’re kept happy and comfy. In Logan’s mind, the safest place you could be was in his arms.

Logan would cuddle one of two ways. He would either place you on his chest, fully laying down on him because he would love to feel your weight on him. It’s comforting to the man. Or, he would be on his side, with you in front of him. His back would be to the door, and his arms would be tucked up all around you.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

This man has proved he wants to settle down. He wants to have his little cabin in the Canadian wilderness, maybe a dog, and you and some littles. Logan would want to retire from being a superhero one day. Even though he could technically live forever, he doesn’t want to spend those days fighting. He craves having a slice of the quiet life, with someone he loves.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Cold, quick, and efficient. He would not draw it out, or withdraw from you over time. Logan would either simply leave with only the necessary items while you’re asleep or away. But if you catch him leaving, he would continue barreling towards the door, successfully shaking off your hands. He would not talk more than necessary and would only leave with one final glance before stalking off into the unknown, and away from you.

F = Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Logan loves fiercely and deeply. Not even death can shake his love for you. He would learn to live with it of course, but he would still proclaim his love for you till his dying breath. He’s a committed man to those who commit to him. To be loved by the Wolverine is a blessing and a bit of a curse. That fierce kind of love always rears it ugly head in a jealous mood if he notices you getting close to someone you shouldn’t. That being said…

If you were a mutant that had a healing factor like him, I think he would want to actually get married. Full on, with a marriage certificate, a suit and gown, and a beautiful ceremony and reception on the lawn of the mansion. Beast definitely officiates the wedding, with Charles rolling with you down the aisle. Scott makes a joke about how Logan should get married in a Canadian tuxedo rather than a traditional one. That doesn’t go over well with the man who is already reigning in his nerves about the whole ordeal. Not about marrying you, but rather the fanfare of it all.

If you do not posses a healing factor in some fashion, whether you’re a mutant who doesn’t have that, or a non-mutant, I feel like he would be hesitant to marry you. Logan wouldn’t want to tie you down to someone that will inevitably outlive you. In fact, he might encourage a break up so that you can find someone to grow old with. But, if you manage to convince him to stay, he would have no hesitation about marrying you. You have a small and intimate affair, from where Logan calls in a favor from an old friend named Charles.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s the Wolverine. It’s James Logan Howlett. That man is as soft physically as concrete wall. However, he does tend to take a softer hand to you no matter what he is doing. Logan has lived with his own enhanced strength for centuries, but he is still afraid of hurting you. He would always make sure that his hands are soft on your body, and that his claws are nowhere near you.

Now, emotionally, again it’s the Wolverine people. He is a lone wolf, that doesn’t care too much for the rules of society. But, when it is just you two, he’s letting you in on his struggle on reconnecting his past or the innermost struggle of his more animalistic side. Going back to A for Affection, Logan sends you little winks and smirks from across the bar. But his smile, his genuine smile when the two of you are alone; those are what you both cherish.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He, for sure, loves to hug you close. He’s just got those big meaty hands, and those equally beefy arms that encompass you and keep you close. It’s a safe form of intimacy for him. Even if his claws were to come out accidentally, he would probably just knick himself. There would be virtually no chance of him getting you caught between them.

Logan tries to hug you whenever he’s home from missions. The first thing he does after getting home and dropping his bags in the foyer of the mansion, is to find you so he can get his hugs that are on back order. It’s something that helps ground him as much as his hugs help to ground you.

Getting a hug from Logan is the physical feeling of putting a fleece blanket hoodie on a bear statue and walking into it. He is always warm, partially because he’s a big burly man and partially because of his mutation, and he’s hairy. So if you hug him without a shirt on, be prepared. Could make a carpet out of that body hair.

I = I Love You (How fast do they say the L-word?)

At least six to eight months, but more than likely a year. He’ll know right around the six month mark, but he’s not telling you at first. Logan would assume his acts of service and protection were enough to tell you that. He’s also waiting on you to gage how he feels about saying that word to you. You’ve gotta show him, and possibly tell him, you love him in order for him to reciprocate.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Logan really only gets jealous if he notices someone younger and attractive trying to chat you up. A major insecurity of his would be the age gap, and possibly you not living as long as him. If you had no regenerative healing factor, he might just quietly sulk in the corner of the bar as he watches.

If you do, however, he would be downing that beer first, and then moving. Logan’s not stupid enough to leave his drink unattended. Just because he can heal from just about anything, doesn’t mean he wants to. He’s pulling hands away and squaring off to anyone that dares try to get handsy with his girl. And you need to be prepared to calm down the feral Wolverine, and give him some reassurance once you get back to where you guys are staying.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

As I said, Logan loves fiercely and deeply. His kisses are no exception. He kisses you like it will be the last time he sees you forever. Logan aims to encapsulate you in a kiss, and it works a lot of the time.

He loves your lips, and forehead. Especially if you’re shorter than him. Lips for the obvious reason; it’s close, intimate, and he loves feeling yours against his. Now the forehead, is because that is what he can reach. When you’re tucked into his chest, he wants to be able to kiss you but for whatever reason he can’t, so he goes for your forehead. Also those forehead kisses just bathe you in a warming glow.

Logan loves to be kissed on his throat and knuckles. Now hear me out before you scroll away! His throat, because if you’re shorter than him, it always happens when he’s got you hugged close. So when he’s dropping kisses to your forehead, press a couple to his throat and he’s putty in your hands. As for his knuckles, it’s a dangerous game, but one that is born of a time of deep insecurities. When he is having doubts about himself, his choices, and his past, he likes to sit with you on the couch or bed and hold you. Logan is always worried about having you anywhere near where his claws come out of skin, but the little, feather light kisses you leave, well, they break his resolve just a bit.

L = Little Ones (How are they around children?)

I believe that it depends on the child’s age. If it’s a small baby, like less than two years old, he would be okay as long as he is not the one holding it. However, if you do manage to convince him to hold the infant, he is sitting there with the most scared expression he has ever had.

Kids that are a bit older and can handle their own he’s okay being around. Logan doesn’t mind the younger ones, like are seven or ten, but he tends to just watch them rather than get involved. Teenagers are the youngest he likes to interact with. He’s just not used to being around little ones, and he feels like he’s too old to start now.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Logan are blissfully spent. Whenever he gets the morning off from work or from the X-Men, he loves to spend it doing absolutely nothing. Slow mornings are spent lounging in bed, with nothing on your mind. He loves watching you sleep and be at peace. It’s a peace that he, himself, longs for. Logan enjoys being able to have slow mornings as it gives him a taste of a life he craves.

N = Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

Evenings depend on how that day has been. If the day goes good, then you can expect a nice slow evening, with cuddles and kisses. Maybe falling asleep to an old black and white film on the tv, with you perched of his chest.

Now if he had a bad day, oh Lordy. Logan is going to be non-verbal and totally unwilling to be near you. For your own sake, he wants to keep a distance from you. He doesn’t want to hurt you physically or emotionally. Eventually, Logan will come to bed, but he does it after you have gone to sleep, because he just doesn’t want to deal with any questions. Not until the next day.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Logan would not be open to you at all. He’s a very closed off man that doesn’t let just anyone in. It would definitely come in stages. He would tell you what he could remember about his past over several months to years. And as he uncovers more of his past, Logan will come to terms with it before he ever tells you. He’s also a man of few words, so it will probably take him a while just to put it into words to tell you.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

I don’t think he gets angered easily so much as annoyed. It genuinely takes a lot to get him angered. And most of the time, he’s playfully annoyed at you. Like if you politely ask him for another drink, he’ll grumble about how you are perfectly capable of getting it yourself. However, getting him mad is something that takes a personal turn. If you attack his abilities, or legitimately degrade him, he’s getting righteously angry. Logan takes any purposeful attacks on him personally. And he knows you could do it after a while of dating, because he will have told you things that will push the right buttons in the right order.

Q = Quizzes (How much do they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Logan remembers everything. Losing his memory is a blessing in disguise, because now he can use that space for you. He truly loves every word you say, even if he doesn’t show it. Logan can often be perceived as disinterested in you whenever you’re talking. But this man got a small notebook to fill with random things you talk about, including your to go orders. There’s a section about favorites like food, color, or move. Another is there about dreams and plans for the future, and even random things.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Logan’s favorite memory is one random night in the dead of winter.

He returned home from a mission gone horribly wrong. Scott was pissing him off, Jean kept trying to tempt him into another relationship, and Storm was staying out of it on the flight home. Then, the actual contents of the mission. They had lost their target, gotten wrapped up in another one of the Brotherhood’s schemes, and overall got the snot kicked out of them. The team had enough that day. So getting home was of top priority.

Logan grabbed his bag and stalked off before anyone could get a word in on him. He wanted out of his suit and in his bed as of yesterday. Even he could feel the cold from the snow seeping into the mansion as they ascended. He was in his jeans and his usual jacket, but the boots caused the stairs to creak under his weight. As he came into the room, his heart skipped in his chest, and he leaned against the doorframe.

There you were, snuggled up in the blankets with his flannel wrapped around your body. You were even on his side of the bed with your face smooshed into his pillow. It made him swell with love and pride. But that stands out in his mind, because it was the first time that he had caught you like this. The TV was still on; you were trying to wait up for him. And that meant more than anything in the world. He would never tell you though, that he had caught you like that.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

I’m sorry, you do realize who we’re talking about right? Wolverine is going to be the most fiercely loyal and protective lover in the world. He will literally sniff out trouble around you, and keep you safe.

If you’re just dealing with someone who won’t take no for an answer at a bar or party, he’s putting a hand on your waist and glaring the person down. If they refuse to back down, he’s getting in their face and using his intimidation to make them. After that, claws are coming out, bub.

Now, on missions it’s a different story. He knows that you can take care of yourself, but it doesn’t stop him from wanting to keep you away from harm. But if Logan sees that you’re getting overwhelmed or in trouble, he’s on his way over as fast as lightning. He is dispatching of the enemy with fierce vengeance.

Logan wouldn’t need nor want you to protect him physically. That’s his job and he will stand by it. However protecting his mind and heart is the only job he wants you to have. By providing him shelter when his own mind betrays him, it protects him during a vulnerable time.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Dates really depend. If you’re an X-Man and going on missions, your date nights and anniversaries are at the liberty of whenever you are home from missions. If you’re not, he usually has an easier time of planning things for your dates. Regardless, he will usually plan casual dates nights for the most part. Every once in a while he will take you out on the town for dinner and a movie, or a night of drinking and dancing. But most of the time, he’s just having a dinner prepped or gotten take out, and a movie pulled up on the tv.

Logan loves to silently spoil you. He will never make a huge fuss about gifts he gives you. And they’re always practical in some fashion. He gets you a new coffee mug with your favorite character on it but he’s scratched your name into the bottom so no one can take it. Or a new set of personal defense weapons that won’t trigger metal detectors but still pack a punch.

            Like I said before, his love language is acts of service. You need your car fixed? He’s got it purring like a lambo. You need laundry done? You’ve got new clothes in your dressers, plus some of his flannel and tank tops so you can have his clothes and scents around you. This lovable man will preform mundane tasks without being asks because he wants you to know he loves you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Going cold and silent for no good reason is a big one. It’s so easy for him to revert to his old ways but he does try to work on it. After a long day though, he just wants a beer and a silent, dreamless sleep. So, it’s difficult for him to open up and talk about whatever it is that’s bothering him on a day like this. Thus, leading to the withdrawal.

I feel like another would be his ability to overreact. If Scott asks you to join him on a mission, or even how one went that he wasn’t on, Logan is just about growling at the man. But anyone he views as a threat to you, he’s not liking one bit which tends to lead to the man to growling, snapping, and even the claws coming out.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Logan is not all too concerned with how he looks. He does his hair but that’s about it. Like, other than that, he just genuinely doesn’t care. This is a mutant with the ability to heal near instantly. I can’t reiterate how much he doesn’t care.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

The further you get into your relationship, the more he feels like he can’t live without you. It’s something he gets hit with all at once. It’s part of why he’s so protective over you, even if you have a healing factor. He’s terrified to lose you once he truly loves you deeply within his soul. When he can’t be near you, he’s counting down the minutes till he can remedy that. If he ever lost you, if you died or left him in some other way, there would be nothing left to keep the animal in check.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Logan loves you playing with his hair and pampering him. Does he understand the difference between a physical exfoliant and a chemical one? Absolutely not. But he loves having you use whatever it is on him. When his day is super rough, he’ll stay silent as he lets you lead him face down on the bed. Getting massages on those days are amazing because he swears that your hands can feel what is wrong and get it out. He’s letting you wash his face, put weird creams on him, all the while he’s got a fluffy headband on. And once you’re done with the skincare, the head massage that follows? Oh, he feels the stress of everything wash away. There is nothing that clears the rage and foul feelings better than a little pampering session.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

I don’t know why, but he strikes me as a texture guy. Not on his skin, but in the food he eats. Like he won’t eat certain foods because they make odd textures in his mouth. He also just likes simple foods, so that could be a reason.

In a partner though, he wouldn’t appreciate someone trying to change him, or that would pry too deep. Let me explain. Logan knows what he is, a rehabilitated animal that tries to do his best. And he doesn’t want anyone else telling him that he isn’t. It’s not a matter of that he can’t shake the image that he spent so long with, but rather that he can still feel it inside his being every time those claws come out.

In that same vein, he doesn’t want someone that asks too many questions that he doesn’t have the answers to nor wants to give. If he wakes up from a nightmare where he uncovers new memories, he’ll decide in time to share that with you. You have to let him go at his own pace otherwise you’ll spook him.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

On his back, straight as a board, blankets around his chest, while he’s alone. If you’re spending the night, he’ll either fall asleep with you on his chest with hm on his back, or with his back to the door and on his side with you in his arms. Also, I don’t care what anyone says, this man has the cutest baby snores ever. Sounding like a baby bear in bed and now it’s your own form of white noise. It’s so difficult for you to fall asleep without it.

[imaginehappyhavoc]

Could i ask for the thh boys with an artistic reader that likes drawing them? Thanks! -🌠

Pairing: thh boys x artist!reader

Genre: fluff!

Warnings: N/A

Makoto Naegi:

♡ Makoto thinks it’s the sweetest thing!

♡ He considers himself pretty average in all aspects, so it was a shock to him when you said he was your favorite model.

♡ He gets really flustered every time you show him one of your sketches, but it doesn’t stop him from telling you how amazing it is.

♡ You’re just so talented! It’s hard not to get butterflies when you draw him so pretty!

♡ The little heart you drew next to him was also a pretty great addition, he thinks.

Byakuya Togami (platonic):

♡ I’m gonna be honest, drawing Byakuya is like submitting a sketch to an art show.

♡ The first time he notices you drawing him, he demands to see it. He has to make sure you’re representing him properly, after all.

♡ His critiques, while unwarranted, are surprisingly constructive.

♡ He’ll then say something along the lines of: “Try again. Here, I’ll even give you a better angle.” And he’ll pose.

♡ He’ll never admit it, but he loves the attention.

Yasuhiro Hagakure:

♡ It takes him forever to realize that you were drawing him, and not just doing random sketches.

♡ When he figures it out, he quite literally makes the “:0” face, followed closely by the “:D” face.

♡ He all but begs you to let him see your drawings, and he hyped you up endlessly once you let him.

♡ Now, he keeps trying to convince you to make a career out of your art. He says he’ll even be your first investor!

♡ You wonder where he plans to get the money for that, but you decide not to ask.

Leon Kuwata:

♡ This mf goes wild.

♡ He tries so hard to hide it, but oh dear lord he’s so in love with you. How did he manage to bag someone so talented and sweet?

♡ Like Byakuya, he’ll pose for you. Unlike Byakuya, he’s joking.

♡ He’ll totally ask if he can keep the drawings you make of him.

♡ If you let him, he’ll keep them in his school bag, and pull them out to show people at the slightest provocation.

Chihiro Fujisaki:

♡ They have absolutely no idea why you think they’re such a good model, but they’re certainly not complaining.

♡ However, it’s hard for them to keep still once they realize you’re drawing them.

♡ They just get so nervous! In a really good way!

♡ When you’re done, they’ll shyly ask you if they can see. If you say yes, they’ll blush about it so hard they can hardly speak.

♡ They want to keep your drawings, but they’d never ask. Maybe someday they’ll find the courage to take one back to his dorm, just to admire your work.

Mondo Owada:

♡ Speaking of flustered: Him.

♡ This man is a mess about any kind of affection that isn’t physical touch. He has no idea how to cope with it.

♡ He can’t wrap his head around the fact that he’s the one you wanna draw. He never thought he was all that attractive.

♡ Once he sees one of your sketches, he’s suddenly made very aware of the way you see him. You think he’s beautiful, and Mondo just can’t deal with that kind of adoration.

♡ He ends up shouting his thanks to you, as he always does when you get him flustered.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru:

♡ He is so deeply moved by your work.

♡ He would praise you until his last breath, if he could. However, it wouldn’t be efficient, so he settles on displaying your art.

♡ According to him: “It’s an incredible skill that you’ve honed so well! It deserves to be appreciated, not just by me, but by everyone!”

♡ If you get flustered about it, he’ll reassure you that you have nothing to be embarrassed about. He’s so proud of you, and he’ll tell everyone who’ll listen about it.

♡ While he’s very flattered that you chose him as the subject matter, he’s far more focused on the quality of your drawings. The hard work you must have done to achieve such beauty is truly admirable, in his opinion!

Hifumi Yamada (platonic):

♡ Hifumi is an artist as well, so this makes him happier than anything else!

♡ Once you reveal that you’ve been drawing him, he reveals that he’s been drawing you, too. Art trade ensues.

♡ He’ll model for you enthusiastically. If you need help figuring out how an arm would look when bent this way or that, Hifumi will happily demonstrate.

♡ He gives the most useful, constructive criticism you’ve ever heard in your life. Real, good advice that helps you improve.

♡ You two will sometimes just sit in silence with each other, drawing your friend while they draw you. Good times, all around!

[orkbutch]

Okay! time to add my accompanying essays with each image from this set of work about why I assigned which types of play to each set of characters, and how Baldur's Gate III supports these in the text of the game. Because I thought about all of this way too much im not joking

First, Context: All of these are drawings of consentual play happening between these characters after they have put aside any active conflicts between each other. Nontheless, they utilise the dynamics and emotional conflicts of these characters. Each of these characters are in some way violent people, deeply stressed out by their circumstances, and craving pleasure and connection. Sometimes you need a little pinch and squeal before the end of the world just to get through the night, you know?

Rough D/s sex/Breath play, Karlach (D) / Shadowheart (S)

A little clarification of what exactly is happening in this image: Karlach is strapping SH roughly, whispering very dirty things in hear ear, and using her hand and the weight of her body to gently restrict SH's breathing. Now you know. :) If you want to know what Karlach is whispering, I will be taking questions thank you.

The first thing Shadowheart says upon seeing Karlach is that she likes that Karlach looks strong and reliable enough to protect her in a pinch. This is because Shadowheart is horny and gay but ALSO. I wanted to explore this little glimpse of something unexpected about SH, especially that early in the game, but really revealing and true about her personality: Shadowheart understands and appreciates that relying on others is very important and shouldn't be avoided.

I think this part of SH is almost her saving grace from otherwise being totally absorbed by her Sharran faith; knowing she wants and needs other people. Because community has always been comforting to her, and because other people help you cope with life. It makes her loneliness far more profoud as well. She has not buried a need for other people (like Astarion for example), but lost people she knows she needs. She lost her Sharran peers on their mission, lost her memories, lost her family, lost the experience of being cared for in childhood. What does that have to do with SH getting pounded into the ground by a big hot woman, I hear you asking. Well, it's related to how I see Shadowheart's possible relationship to submission. I instinctively see SH as a dom because she just... Absolutely gives dominatrix energy. She basically got trained to be a particularly mean dominatrix, and I think she'd enjoy doing it a whole lot. But being a dom is a role of responsibility, reliability and authority; it requires you to plan and think and make decisions not just for yourself but for a whole additional person. Shadowheart clearly enjoys not having to do that sometimes. She knows the reliability, guidance and support of another person/people being there for her, and she craves it.

I think she'd like being taken away from the responsibility of their situation; to not have to think about the artifact, the tadpole, the fate of the world, what Shar wants, who she is, what her memories are, will she die tomorrow - a terribly stressful existence for someone as prone to anxiety as SH seems to be. What a luxury, to let someone force all the worries out of your head. To leave no space for those anxieties to find purchase through the weight and force of their presence. A big, hot, reliable warrior, squeezing you close, filling your head with what to think about, flooding you with pleasure and a little pain, enough to ground you to the moment. It's a rare treat. SH would love it.

On the other hand, I think Karlach would absolutely love this kind of role. Not because Karlach likes pure power - she seems kinda repelled by it actually - but because Karlach loves being capable, needed, and providing for people. To sweep SH off her feet and give her a moment of hot, rough, rejuvinating bliss through her strength and sexual prowess would be extremely up Karlach's ally.

Karlach is also just... such a rough houser. She's an excited dog at the park that plays too rough and feels bad until she finds a friend who actually loves it, and she's thrilled with the chance to use all that energy to its full potential. She likes a little grit and texture. Anything too slow or methodical and I think she'd get bored. To get to use her boundless energy and have that be deeply appreciated would be so fun for her.

For her to get to use her body and the traits that ended up landing her in slavery - her toughness, strength, skill at violence and knack for intimidation - to indulge, to provide pleasure, to make something good and deeply desired... I think that'd be very touching for Karlach. Intimacy is something she hasn't gotten to explore for a long time. She wants as much contact as possible, to feel others viscerally, to feel that she can be something that other people can not just handle/accept but enthusiastically want. Even after whats been done to her and what she was for ten years, she is the right thing for people, because of and not despite who she is after Avernus.

In conclusion: I think Shadowheart would love to be no thoughts head empty fucked brainless now and then, and I think Karlach would be thrilled to provide. And oh man, Karlach would be SO good at aftercare. So sweet, so warm to cuddle up against, super attentive. She'd ask for reassurance that she wasn't too rough or didn't say anything weird, and Shadowheart would reassure her that they could get far more depraved than that; it was exactly what she needed, and she wanted to go deeper next time. A little challenge to let Karlach embrace her role more completely. Oof. I am so excited to write this shit into the fic im working on LMAO

[paraliveimaginesblog]

hello! may i request 10, 13, 15, 17 and 20 for the yeon brothers please... also thank you for your service and dedication to the entire paralive community I LOVE your writing !!! have a good day when you see this :D

(This is so sweet thank you!!!)

Dongha Yeon:

10. ♥ Do they include their partners in most aspects of their life?

You're very delicately woven into his business dealings, considering the arranged marriage, but he doesn't really ask for your opinions on things unless he knows they're in your wheelhouse. If you want to offer something up he'll listen, but be careful about doing so in front of others as he can be less agreeable if he knows people are watching.

13. ♥ Do they sleep in the same bed/room as much as they can or do they sleep separately?

At his current age, no, it's not something that would be looked upon favorably regardless of your relationship (and Dongha would light something on fire if someone suggested a 'sleepover'). But when he's older, having someone sleep by his side is a necessity. There's a comfort in turning to the person you love when you're at your most vulnerable (not that he'll ever consider himself vulnerable) and being able to just cuddle up with them, finding it much less embarrassing to do so when you were sleeping (even if he always fell asleep when curled up with you, leaving you to wake up to the very scene he didn't want you to see in the morning).

15. ♥ Do they enjoy talking to their partners before going to sleep or is it straight to dreamland?

Dongha rarely has anything he wants to talk about just before bed. Your husband is very communicative when he's agitated or something is bothering him, so you're used to receiving daily calls or being pulled into a side room for him to vent to you. You loved that he trusted you enough to do so, thinking it's best that he leave his frustrations at the door so that the bedroom could be a place he could truly relax.

17. ♥ What sort of characteristics or quirks draw them to someone?

Ambitious.

Independent.

Responsible.

Courteous.

Skilled.

20. ♥ How did their relationship start?

Arranged. Everything in his life had been arranged so it made sense his love life was just that as well; a powerful heir, or someone who’s an ally to his family, either way he viewed it as something purely strategic. He treated you with a distant politeness but you could see that he was putting on a professional mask; his harshness was just a cover for his constant feelings of rivalry and inadequacy compared to his elder brother, and while you wanted to support him, he wouldn’t take you seriously until he was much older (and more emotionally intelligent). He wasn’t averse to getting to know you on some level, however, which was an extended olive branch you excitedly took.

Hajun Yeon:

10. ♥ Do they include their partners in most aspects of their life?

When you first get to know Hajun you’re very much on the outskirts of his life, getting small glimpses in from behind a stone barrier with lights flashing almost like a warning. Being allowed to know the people around him, to know the things he’s involved in, to even know something as little as his career aspirations, is the way you know Hajun fully saw you as his partner. Once you’re officially dating you’ve begun some deeply ingratiated into just about everything he does that your loss would be like removing a chunk of who he is, and the scar that would be left behind would never allow another person entry again.

15. ♥ Do they enjoy talking to their partners before going to sleep or is it straight to dreamland?

Depends on if there’s something to talk about. Hajun doesn’t make conversation just for the sake of it, and you can tell when he’s content or giving you the cold shoulder before you fall asleep next to him. He doesn’t always like talking to you when he’s sleepy as embarrassing things tend to slip out, like his more affectionate craving tendencies as he makes loving demands that a fully at attention Hajun would turn around on you by saying it was clear you were the one that wanted to be close.

20. ♥ How did their relationship start?

Your relationship with Hajun had a slow start; he was familiar with you due to being formerly engaged but he had since lost touch after all that happened with his family. He’s wary about why you’re coming back now that he’s practically no use to you, even more suspicious as he had to think about what you might deliver back to your own parents (which would surely reach his fathers ears). He was hardly willing to call you a friend but your sheer determination seemed to imply more than just an interest in reporting his business back to his former family. He gives you an inch and he expects you to respect it, but with time you wedged yourself back into being an important person in his life.

[frodo-with-glasses]

Been thinking about a particular LOTR what-if scenario (because my D&D campaign took a turn into collaborative LOTR fanfiction), and I'm interested in your perspective on it if you have time . . .

Supposing Boromir somehow survived protecting Merry and Pippin, what effect would that have on Denethor?

Denethor's being fed despair by Sauron either way. But I have always read him as the news of Boromir's death being the thing that breaks him and makes him start to believe it. His grief is certainly a large part of what's informing his treatment of Faramir (though certainly not the only thing, as I think there's textual evidence that Denethor favored Boromir all along).

If Boromir didn't die . . . would Denethor still give into despair? Would he still send Faramir on a suicide mission — and if he did, and Faramir still suffered the same wounds, would Denethor still end up in his whole "all is lost; better to die on our own terms" spiral? Or would he have the presence of mind to see to the defense of the city?

How would he react to Aragorn, a man who has all the qualities Denethor disdains in Faramir but even more so, and who people are now saying is the rightful king (who even his own sons, even favored Boromir, are saying is Gondor's king returned)?

(He almost certainly wouldn't be a fan of Aragorn's plan to draw Sauron's eye away from Frodo. He probably would be greatly displeased that the Ring had been allowed to go across the River to Mordor at all, and even Boromir would have trouble convincing him otherwise.)

Thank you for letting me ramble in your askbox, haha. Don't feel pressured to answer if you don't want to or don't find the question as much as I do. (But if you do answer, I will be delighted.)

As much as the Gondor Dudes aren’t my personal hyperfixation in LotR, I am nonetheless a big fan of overthinking hypothetical situations, so this is right up my alley. :-D (Also, it’s really cool that you’re running an LotR-themed D&D campaign!! Sounds like a blast.)

To be honest, you hit pretty much every point I was going to touch on; Denethor’s despair and consequent insanity were certainly motivated, at least in part, by grief, so if you take the grief out of the equation then naturally the results are going to be at least slightly different. But we still have lots of other factors at play here: fighting a hopeless war, the looming specter of deposition, knowing that your allies just sent a nuke into the territory of the Enemy in the hands of a garden gnome so small you could punt him, and Prolonged Exposure to Cursed Artifact are still going to take their toll on Denethor’s mind. He will doubtless be more motivated to hold on to life while his favorite son is still alive, but even if he doesn't turn paranoid and filicidal, he’s still going to be Deeply Messed Up regardless.

So since I'm not getting any new ideas by looking at things from a Watsonian (in-universe) perspective, I'm gonna steer this in a Doylist (meta) direction and talk about implementation instead. The question I always ask myself with these sorts of "canon but a bit to the left" fanfictions is this:

What do you want out of the story? Do you want to:

A) Return to canon as quickly as possible? B) Change just one thing and see how far it butterfly-effects out? C) Find something somewhere in the middle?

Because the thing with "canon but a bit to the left" AUs that you can make pretty much anything work. It's a hypothetical situation. The question is how far away from canon you're willing to deviate. If I'm writing a "Boromir Lives" AU, I might go a couple of different directions, and the one I ultimately choose depends on personal preference and what I want out of the story.

Putting this under a read-more 'cause it's about to get long.

Option A: Canon, but like .5 degrees to the left

Ever since the battle at the Falls, Boromir has been following Aragorn and doing everything the Three Hunters (well, Four Hunters) do. When Pippin looks into the Palantir, Gandalf decides to take him to Minas Tirith right away, and Boromir, who's eager to get home and feels some responsibility for Pippin, volunteers to go with them.

(Yes I know that Shadowfax travels at ungodly fast speeds to get from Rohan to Gondor, but it's implied that lesser horses can keep up with their lord when they need to, so even if Boromir took a different horse they might still have been able to make it to Minas Tirith in a similar time.)

Denethor gives an enthusiastic welcome to Boromir and a far less enthusiastic welcome to Gandalf and Pippin. That welcome becomes less enthusiastic still in the ensuing conversation/interrogation, when he learns that they totally had the Ring but they sent it into Mordor instead of bringing it here. Boromir tries to reason with his father. Denethor is very disappointed with him. He blames Gandalf for corrupting his other son with all this foolishness, and treats Pippin with suspicion because of the whole prophecy with the Halfling, and the convo ends with hurt feelings all around.

I might need the War Nerds on this blog to correct me if I'm wrong, but as I understand it, the attempt to take back Osgiliath wasn't a completely useless suicide mission, at least in concept. It is a major river crossing, and controlling transportation routes is like War 101. If you make it hard for your enemy to cross the River, you make it hard for your enemy to get to your stronghold, and that's good. Not a bad idea on paper. The only problem was that Minas Tirith didn't have the manpower to pull it off.

(And also there were Nazgul.)

Anyway, the point is, it's almost logical enough that you might be able to get away with Denethor ordering the Osgiliath offensive even without the grief-induced paranoia. Besides, there's still other paranoia in play: so far as Denethor is concerned, the Ring is walking into enemy hands, his son and most trusted captain has turned against him, and Gandalf is already planning a coup.

So here's what I'm thinking. Keep the Osgiliath battle, but send Boromir out there as well. Boromir and brother bravely bear the baleful battle, before their butts are badly beat and they get bit by the Black Breath. Dad feels bad, his boasts bashed as his boys' bodies burn with fever. Battle bears down on the beleaguered bourgeoisie, but their bereaved bigwig is barely bothered, too busy building bier bonfires.

…Sorry, I don't know where that came from.

Anyway, the point is, this puts us squarely back where we'd be at this point in canon: Denethor thinks he’s about to lose his family, his city, and his kingdom, and consumed by despair he decides that it's better to die on his own terms than in the hands of the Enemy. You can pretty much just follow canon from here and copy-paste Boromir with whatever is happening to Faramir.

(Except, of course, for the whole "falling in love with Eowyn" thing. But hey! Boromir was in Rohan! He and Eowyn probably know each other already! So they might have some fun conversations in the Houses of Healing.)

This is the route I would take if you want to stick as close to canon as possible and still keep Boromir alive. If adherence to the narrative is not your biggest concern, however:

Option B: Go stupid, go crazy

Boromir doesn't die. What does that change?

Well, everything, if you let it.

Let's say Boromir does return to Minas Tirith with Gandalf and Pippin like I suggested above. Let's say he's able to talk his father into begrudgingly going along with their unorthodox plan to save the world. Let's say Denethor doesn't call for the almost-but-not-quite-entirely-completely-a-suicide-mission to Osgiliath and instead puts Boromir and Faramir to work strengthening the defenses of the Minas Tirith. By time the Battle of Pelennor Fields rolls around, Denethor—now no longer occupied by the family barbecue—is available to direct defense of the city, with both sons acting as his captains.

Awesome! All this is great stuff, right?

Well, yes. So far.

The problem is that we lose so many great moments with other characters in the process. Pippin's pell mell run to find Gandalf. Beregond abandoning his post to protect Faramir. Eowyn and Merry, who slayed the Witch King together because Gandalf was too busy putting out fires (literally!) to get down there and do it himself. Aragorn, proving that "the hands of a king are the hands of a healer"! And if Faramir and Eowyn hadn't both suffered the Black Breath, they wouldn't both have been forced to stay behind as everyone else went to fight at the Black Gate, and they wouldn't have fallen in love in the same way.

This is not a statement meant to push your decision one way or another, but it's just a fact of the decision: If you dispense with Denethor's paranoia, and the insanity, and the murder arson, then you dispense with a lot of the other cool moments in this book. The question you've got to ask yourself is if that's a price you're willing to pay, and if not, how you can work around it.

Anyway, back to Pelennor Fields. I want you to imagine that Denethor is standing at the wall, watching the battle raging below him. It's not going well. The reinforcements from Rohan arrived, but they're barely hanging on. And to his dismay, he sees a fleet of black dots which could only be Corsair ships sailing up the river.

The foremost ship unfurls a banner, with the Tree of Gondor glittering on it.

And the army that pours out of them absolutely wrecks shop with Sauron's forces.

Is Denethor feeling relief? Yes. But is he feeling dread and apprehension and anger too? Also yes. He knows what this is. It's a challenge to his power waiting to happen. All his suspicions about Gandalf's ulterior motives are coming true: he has found someone to supplant him, and whether or not this kid is the true Heir of Isildur, the darn upstart's already gone all dramatic and made a war hero out of himself. Whoop-de-frickin'-do.

And then, he sees Aragorn's face.

And he's livid.

Fun fact: Appendix A tells us that Aragorn actually worked for Denethor’s dad, Ecthelion, for a long time. Aragorn went by a different name, of course, but he was so competent and so well-liked that he became Ecthelion's most trusted and honored captain, to the point that the Steward liked Aragorn more than he liked Denethor. We don't just have history here. We have beef. It's a little bit of a Tony Stark, Howard Stark, Steve Rogers situation where it’s like “Dad liked you more than he liked me and I’m his own son”.

You’d better bet your bottom dollar that when Denethor’s childhood rival rocks up to Minas Tirith, flying a banner made by an elven princess and carrying the Sword that Was Broken on his belt like he's somebody important, it doesn’t matter if Boromir and Faramir and Imrahil and everybody else in Minas Tirith likes him and happily falls in line behind him; Denethor is still gonna take one look at his face and go, “oh. it’s YOU. I freakin' HATE you.”

Whether this colors their ongoing relationship "coolly polite" or "passive-aggressive" or "outright hostile" depends on how vindictive you want to write Denethor. Because let's be honest, bro could totally order Aragorn to leave Minas Tirith and he would; Aragorn knows he's not the king yet, and he's humble enough to accept orders while the Steward is still in charge (as bass-ackwards as that is). But the thing is that Aragorn has the support of the people, and banishing him isn't gonna change that; if anything, it will probably garner sympathy for him, cause the people of Minas Tirith to distrust their leader, and maybe result in fracturing the loyalties of the populous.

So here's what you've got, okay.

You now have a David and Saul situation.

Think about it. Charismatic, upright war hero, beloved by everyone he meets, serving under the suspicious and deeply disturbed incumbent ruler who knows the newcomer is gonna boot him off the throne. You can't live with him: 'cause he's gonna boot you off the throne. But you can't live without him: 'cause you're in desperate need of his particular set of skills, and you'd be incredibly unwise to do away with him and earn the ire of the public. So you put up with him. And put on a show of liking him. And maybe chuck a spear at his head while he's playing the harp to calm down your possibly demonic fits.

But that's just Saul, so let's get back to Denethor.

The next step, in the book, is obviously the Battle of the Black Gate. And, obviously, Denethor is gonna think this military equivalent of knocking on the door of an axe murderer and threatening him with a pea shooter is a terrible idea, because it is. But the whole point—Aragorn and Gandalf and Boromir and Faramir and Imrahil and everyone else insists—is to distract Sauron long enough that the Ring-bearer can succeed in his mission. The plan isn't to win, it's to be bait.

Now you have a few options.

Denethor can, once again, begrudgingly go along with it, showing that he's slowly changing in heart. Perhaps Aragorn's humility is winning him over. Perhaps Boromir's impassioned pleas are getting through. In any case, you have a pretty good set-up for a redemption arc here, which could be interesting if you want to go down that road.

Alternatively, this could be the moment that Denethor entirely gives in to despair and basically says "fine, if you guys wanna go kill yourselves, I'll just be over here doing the exact same thing", and he tries to make Steward a la flambé. (Whether or not he succeeds is up to you, but I will say that this would be a pretty easy way to settle the succession crisis.)

Alternatively still, Denethor could publicly denounce the whole idea as stupid and order the people of Minas Tirith to stay put and defend the city, at the same time that Aragorn and the rest are urging those same people to come with them for one last stand. Now every eligible fighter in the city has to make a choice. Who will they follow? Lord Denethor, or Lord Elfstone? The people are divided. Factions are made. (This might be the moment that a certain member of the Guard sees Faramir standing with Lord Elfstone and decides, for the first time in his life, to break the rules.) In any case, the force that travels to the Black Gate is far smaller than it would have been if not for Denethor's interference.

If you go with the first option, it's a quicker road to a happy ending. Aragorn returns victorious, he and Denethor reconcile, and Aragorn honors the Steward and puts him in a place of high esteem. Everyone in Minas Tirith likes this, including Boromir and Faramir, and everyone lives happily ever after.

If you go with the second option, Denethor has either successfully or unsuccessfully attempted sudoku, which should probably disqualify him from public leadership either way. If he succeeded in barbecuing himself, it's the tragedy of a man who never got to see the upcoming victory; if he failed, it's the tragedy of a man whose mind was so utterly broken by the Enemy that he couldn't enjoy it.

If you go with the third option, congratulations; after Aragorn gets back, you still have to deal with the succession crisis. But I've waffled on for long enough and have basically no ideas how you'd handle this post-story, so I'm not gonna go down that road any further.

Option C: Pitch straight down the middle

Now what I've just presented are the two most extreme possibilities of a "Boromir Lives" AU that exist in my brain, but they're far from the only options. This thing is a spectrum. There are a potentially infinite number of possible storylines, some closer to canon, some further away.

If you like parts of one but not the other, you can mix and match. Take an exit ramp from the AU and get back on canon wherever you want, or just don't and see where it takes you. All I've done is present the furthest extremes I could think of to help shake up the ol' creative juices.

(I would have explored the possibility of Boromir arriving on the corsair ships with Aragorn instead of a few days earlier with Gandalf and Pippin, but that didn't change much except for Boromir having less opportunities to talk his dad down from bad decisions. So do with that what you will.)

Conclusion

I have no idea if this was the kind of answer you were looking for, but I guess I'm just returning rambling for rambling, LOL! In any case, I hope this helped, and if not, I hope it was a fun read.

But there is one more thing I can do for you, before I wish you good luck in your D&D endeavors, and that's turn it over to everyone else who reads this blog and see what they think!

HEY YOU GUYS! If Boromir lived, how would that effect Denethor's psyche?? Reblog with your thoughts!

[crushingcasanova]

Hi there :) I’m so sorry for my late response , things have been pretty freakin hectic .. i am here now , don’t worry :)

listening to you talk about theatre is so … mesmerizing. i love listening to people in general but .. its just so fun listening to you talking about that knowing how deeply you care about it. how its part of your life. im just sorta enamored（≧∇≦）

i agree , i absolutely adore fine arts. i just can’t get into anything else. its so awesome that you make jewelry!! ive been trying to get fully into it , but i cant seem to find the exact beads i need. but trust when i do .. its gonna be awesome. i do a lot of arts and crafts , and I really adore coloring. ive tried drawing but .. im so terrible , and i just hate being bad at things.

i definitely would say that i love people’s flaws .. usually those things are my favorite things about them ^^ but at the same time , i tend to get myself into bad relationships , then stay because “i can fix it! we will be fine and in love because ill help them!!” i bet you can guess how that turns out .. </3 i also agree that in most situations .. i don’t like to reach out , even if in my heart I do want to. i get nervous , and at times feel like if I didn’t reach out , no one would talk to me .. so i self isolate. im glad that im welcome here .. even if im kinda jsut like , a random person that doesn’t matter and is just yapping … </3

ughhh repurposing is so nice and so fun .. it makes you feel like you’re worth something , yk , giving an old piece a new home. its so rewarding. thrifting and antiquing is always rewarding , because almost every time i go , i find something. i almost never leave one of those stores empty handed .. (im also a shopaholic so ..) but its awesome that you do resin work !! is that calming ??

thank you so much for your kind words , i did get a good amount of sleep last night <333333 i have a few questions :)

what’s your fashion sense?

do you have any pets?

that’s it. thank you so much for letting me be here , hun !!

-🎭

Hello Cheshire <3 I quite missed you, so I was really happy to see you in my inbox again! I hope you've been well, dearie :) I know you mentioned it was hectic, so I hope you get a moment to relax!

I'm very honored that you like to hear me talk about theater! It's one of my biggest passions, honestly, because I adore being on the stage. I'd love to hear some of your favorite musical takes too, if you ever would like to share. I've always been into deep analysis, and I've done a lot for the Phantom and the Great Gatsby in particular :) I was lucky enough to see these before they closed, too, so I like to comment on the staging and the acting from the amazing actors who played my favorites. It also is a big inspiration for a lot of my writing, like this Great Gatsby one I did a while back about the beauty of Gatsby's obsession :) I hope you get those beads soon! I just started working with beaded jewelry a while back, and I make these kind of big pieces for some of my friends. I gifted my beloved a set inspired by them a while back and mailed it to them, and I'm planning to make some for my friends this year. I am sure you're not as bad at drawing as you say, but I think I completely understand the thought behind it. That's why I'm not really a fan of math, since I can never get better at it ... but I'm trying :) coloring is fun too, though! I completely understand self isolation, I used to be like that but I've changed a lot :) my beloved really stressed the importance of communication and taught me how to be more vulnerable and open up, but it's been an uphill battle. I don't think you're a random person who doesn't matter, dear! You bring a smile to my face with your messages, and it means a lot to know you care enough to talk to me too :) I agree with repurposing things :D It is lovely to give them their own home, I agree. It's kind of cute that you think of it like that :) I also am a bit of a shopaholic too, but I'm quite picky, so I usually leave empty handed. My resin work is quite fun! I would say it's a bit relaxing, but only at certain points in the process. The designing and the unmolding is fun, but not the pouring, because it starts to solidify quickly. You have to work quickly and then let it cure overnight if it's not UV resin. It can get a bit stressful As for your questions:

My fashion style is very cutesy, I'd say! A lot of skirts and sweaters, I usually don't wear jeans or other forms of pants very much to be honest. I wear a lot of pinks, blacks, purples, etc. I also am a big jewelry wearer, so I have a lot of that, and I usually am kind of maximalist when it comes to outfits. I also always have cute matching purses when possible :) I used to be a bit more like, hot topic emo style when I was younger, and I still shop there, but definitely less. I also wear a lot of dresses! I'm very hyperfeminine, I'd say, at least fashion wise. I think there are some pics somewhere on this blog, that I did for a follower special, or maybe some in love letter? Not sure! How do you like to dress?

I also do have a pet! I have a little black dog named stella :) she's a little cute miniature schnauzer mix! Do you have any pets, dear?

I hope this finds you well! I was so excited to answer this, sorry it took me a minute! Definitely took me a while to yap ^^;

[quanticq]

Introducing My WHAU:

Updates will be slow and gradual since I’m still in university, but the story will be reveal through a series of drawing and texts :D

(Note: Welcome Home and characters belong to PartyCoffin / this story will be heavily reliant on HC and speculations to proceed the plot)

(Additionally I would like to say that the story itself was inspired deeply by Home Is Where You Belong by u/Bitway on AO3! @ozrockbitway work was also the first time I see the character, Dorelaine, mentioned and depicted as an important character in their story which I think is pretty cool and I want to play around with that too!)

Please check out their work!

More info under the cut!

Now that’s done, here are some breadcrumbs of the world and story that I have in mind:

(Note that some info may be subjected to change in the future)

“N” Youfu or The Caretaker is an OC that I created for this story, they use They/Them pronouns, often referred to as The Human

Puppets and Humans co-exist with each other in this universe, “N” in this context was referred to be as the only human in context to how they’re the only one in the neighborhood of Welcome Home

“Walking through the supposed lively pathway of the neighborhood, it is noticeable that everything seems to be neglected and barren. Where are the people? Empty stalls were sprawled across the streets, homes boarded up and windows long since shattered. Only then, a lone red house atop of the hill seems to beckon you close, it looks run down and deathly still. It’s floorboards has long since rotten as you stepped inside, but that’s alright, you’ll make home for it.“

Wally’s role in this story is that he is a keeper of sorts, he is tied to the Neighborhood due to mysterious circumstances.

Wally is the only resident of Welcome Home. Although, he would gives hints of the previous residents habits and personalities but won’t disclose what really happened

“N” and Wally work together to rebuilt the neighborhood in hope that it will bring people into Welcome Home, Wally would be the concept artist to grasp the foundation, while “N” does the hard labour

(since puppets are so light, im not sure if Wally is able to lift a single brick)

Lastly:

R. Dorelaine would be integral to the plot. Some parts would be split between present and past events surrounding Wally’s circumstances but do take note: he will be a morally gray character

That’s all! Thank you for reading, stay tune for more info!

(Also apologies if there’s any spelling mistakes, English is not my first language, I accept questions and critiques!)

Additional info: “N” and Wally Darling is Asexual in my story, their relationship is very Queer-Platonic

[corviisquire]

just gotta say: totally love ranne. obsessed with that character design so much that i've been doodling him now and again, he's so fun to draw. okay, anyway, thanks for sharing your work with us, it's wonderful and i always look forward to seeing it. :)

oh dear sweet anon

beautiful amazing perfect anon

I’m sobbing.

pardon any spelling grammar mistakes below

This makes me very joyous that you love their design so much. Not to brag but I feel like Ranne has been the best character design I’ve ever created. Creating them has been a long process (one that’s still ongoing) and I’m glad to say that Ranne will not be an OC I give up on or get tired of. There’s been plenty of times of created a character, don’t really devote too much time and effort, and end up dropping them. But Ranne’s something different and I cherish them dearly.

Im still early in life so things will change but I don’t plan on making art my job ever. Commissions would and will be something I’d do but that’s probably the only thing I’d make money off of. Art is something very personal to me and it’s my “purpose” in a normal way. Making art my job would be hell for me. BUT that’s not saying I would like to explore art industry “things”. I’ve always wanted to make a graphic novel or at least some short story about something original. I’ve tried multiple times but I think Ranne My Beloved opened a new door for me artistically and creatively. Not all ideas are original so Ranne My Beloved is just a mishmash of everything I love from Elden Ring to birds to stories having way to many characters that I will never draw (yet). So maybe this will be future project when I’m out of school.

I’m getting off topic.

Trying to keep this short but finding that someone (and everyone who’s decided to follow my characters stories) enjoys my personal content is amazing. I’ve gotten this love from friends irl and people on the internet Ma fit drives me to create more. Not saying that I don’t 80% of the time create for myself. Thank you deeply.

(Also also also if you would like to, privately or publicly, share your Ranne doodles, I’d be ecstatic to see them :D)

Older Ranne doodle that I love looking at for you 💕💖❤️🦑

[haedraulics]

Man I was on ur Twitter and first of all a solid cringe towards commenter, 0/10 behavior (im so curious for screenshots but understandable if you want to keep that close) and second of all autistic Erwin so true and valid— he’s got the masking down to a T

Idk why Levi is the one so hc as neurodivergent tbh, I see him as the more resolutely neurotypical one but to make up for it he has a million other flavors of things up with him

bahaha yeah that was a funny tiff, definitely not the most egregious thing that you can encounter online but for sure a charming reminder of all the personalities in fandom.

erwin being on the spectrum is so intuitive to me at this point, like it's as embedded in my characterization of him as levi's transness is to him GRAH the way that he's a character who feels so deeply but struggles to communicate his compassion, and so defers to letting people assume that he's cold and unfeeling 😭the way he overcompensates for it through his overly polite speech, the way he oscillates between unflinching conviction and abject self-defeatism it's so GOOOOODDDD AAAGGHHH

as for neurodivergent levi headcanons, i obviously don't have a problem with people doing transformative fiction, but i do think it's pretty typical of the way that people tend to project onto levi by emphasizing and elaborating on his internal character struggles. sometimes that comes in the form of pathologizing some of his peculiarities (giving him anger issues or cleaning OCD, for example), or it's just in terms of classic whump tropes where he suffers inordinately for the sake of reader/author catharsis. not to say that i'm at all innocent of this with erwin though LMAO

personally, i do agree with you that levi is the more 'neurotypical' between him and erwin, though 'neurotypical' doesn't mean normal or even relatable. he's definitely a very extreme guy who is alarmingly efficient at tactical dissociation (the way soldiers are trained to dehumanize their targets, but levi probably adopted this way of thinking in order to survive, and can draw upon it easily to torture and maim if so ordered). regardless, he's been shown as consistently capable of making level-headed decisions at the inattention to his own emotional needs- the one exception, of course, being his choice in midnight sun. gay people and the apocalyptic implications of their love oh my god.

anyway my general take on levi is that he basically has himself sorted out, and the struggles that we see him undergo in canon are primarily external ones that serve to test or refine his pre-existing principles. he falls into self-doubt in momentary bursts, but i can't recall when he's allowed those feelings to seriously impede on his ability to act, or when those feelings became a holistic warping of reality, like how erwin experiences them. what's important to note about erwin is that he doesn't just dislike himself, it's that his guilt and self-loathing is so total that it disrupts his ability to objectively perceive reality. he'll take the least charitable self-narrative over the most accurate one, in basically every instance ;;;;;;

but i ramble 🙈thank you for the interesting ask anon! i'm glad i could blather about these characters again :'D

[auspex]

🙈🌎🎤👖(lol)☄️

i love it when i know the person asking already has an idea of the answer but its Fun to answer so its sent On Purpose :D

-

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

Both before and after embrace: His romantic side . Teehee. That's a short answer so lemme expand: He really is romantic and believes in true love and stuff but that goes against his Professor Persona and is not Cool so unless u actually are that person who is romantically into, u aint gonna waterboard this one out of him.

After embrace: He doesn't want to show his sympathy for ghouls to most, out of fear they would start questioning him about his own. He's a bit more open about some of his other kindness but NOT that.

-

🌏 EARTH - will they give up the world for someone they love? is this decision easy for them?

This feels like an autistic-ass answer but... it depends. If it's someone he loves romantically and who he believes is his soul mate, he would, and it would be an easy decision. But this hasn't happened since he's become an adult.

For other people he loves deeply: The whole world? It would be a very hard decision. I think he would do it for Sampson. And that's it, at the moment. And after Sampson exits his life and/or dies, it would be very rare for someone else to get to that level.

For those who Know: I think JP would get to this level, whether or not Mark ends up being with him romantically. But that won't happen for awhile.

-

🎤 MICROPHONE - are they good at singing? what is their go-to karaoke song?

Fuck no he's not good at singing.

He would sing "Waiting on a Friend" by the Rolling Stones if he had to sing karaoke in public. Read the lyrics. It's funny cause he's gay.

He wouldn't be good at it though.

-

👖 JEANS - what is their go-to outfit?

if weather permits? Brown Slacks. White Undershirt. Sweater Vest.

He got cursed to wear this often because ppl kept drawing him in this so the ST made it canon that he wears it all the time. And then i Expanded it to make it his Autistic Go-To Outfit.

-

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?

-That he's a nerd: Yes -That he is a neonate: yes in the sense he is independent from his sire, but certainly not in age. He seems older due to his sire making him Politically Safe but he's a baby. -That he has Many Secrets: Yeah but not the type they think for sure -That he has someone powerful protecting him: Yeah <3

There are prob other things that I'm not myself aware of cause im bad at recognizing such things but... those are some!

[callofdooty]

Louse asks!

3. What was their first impression of each other? 10. Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together? 21. Do they enjoy domestic life? 27. How do they say “I love you” non-verbally?

:D

YEAAAAH LOUSE TIME!!! All questions are from this post

3. What was their first impression of each other?

I guess it would depend on which versions of them they are, but I like to think, generally, their first impressions of each other are a little on the lines of "lmao look at this fuckin' guy" - something that's strong but maybe not entirely positive? An intrigue that makes them want to study each other a little.

10. Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together?

Inspired by our convo, I think they'd like bird watching. Logan can take pretty pictures, and Mouse just likes watching the birds. And it's an activity that they can just quietly enjoy together. And in that vein, they'd probably also like hiking LOL

Also, they'd like playing old video games together. Fiends for just a liiiitle nostalgia. Mouse shows Logan all the weird obscure video games she used to play as a kid, and Logan plays through all of the Legend of Zelda games while Mouse watches, and he probably infodumps about the lore the entire time (Mouse ends up really liking Midna and Tetra.) I think they'd share a sort of longing for easier days, and since they're the same age, they probably have a couple similar experiences (they could probably bond over old cartoons and shows LMFAO)

Also I definitely like to imagine that they have old DS systems, like DS Lites or DSi's, and they'll use the pictochat function to talk to each other even though they're literally sitting in the same room, or even right next to each other. They'll send stupid little drawings and messages back and forth.

21. Do they enjoy domestic life?

I think they'd both struggle with it in their own ways; both never expected they'd get this far and be able to experience that side of life again. Y'know, bite, bite, bite, stab, maim, kill, etc, etc. But eventually they're like "no actually this is really nice, I forgot life isn't always just about death and suffering, and now I get to enjoy this with one of my favourite people??? what." They just get to feel like actual people and not just destructive animals or machines, and I think it's smth they really really grow to love.

27. How do they say "I love you" non-verbally?

I think non-verbal is definitely the way these two communicate more genuinely. Not that they can't have serious discussions or talk about their feelings, they're both just very naturally quiet people that love quietly as well.

Mouse actually accepting affection would probably be one form of it. Most of the time, she's flippant and doesn't seem to take much seriously. Early on, she's very quick to brush off affection or make it into a joke, partly because she struggles to be serious for more than a second and partly because she's not used to affection and being seen and loved. It shows trust, for her. Otherwise, spending time with others and doing generally thoughtful things is kind of her quiet way of saying "hey, I think you're neat." She likes giving small gifts or doing favours, usually in a stealthy way.

Logan strikes me as someone who's sentimental. He cares deeply, and it always shows more through his actions than anything else. He probably frames photos he's taken when they're together (like on hikes, pictures of valleys, hills, lakes, animals, etc.) Not because he's proud of them (though they do look nice) but because it's a snapshot of something they got to do together. It's special because it's their shared moments. He fills living spaces with things - not meaningless shit, but things that he genuinely values because it reminds him of the people he loves. His "I love you" is him silently showing that "look!! I cherish the time we spend together!! I want to immortalise it!!"

AUGH i can't believe I'm making them cute. HELP.

[milk-crafting]

🌿 and 🌾 for Venna, 🌲 and 🌸 for Tristo?

I'm gonna long-post this because I have so many thoughts rattling around in my little noggin for these, let me tell you ok

Also under the cut for slightly spicy romantic content??? Mostly vaguely implied, not really detailed or anything.

And some of this is stuff I've gone back and forth about, especially with the Venna

🌿What way does your OC show that they care without using words? What way do others show your OC that they’re cared about without using speech?

I feel like Venna's love language is really acts of service, maybe s l i g h t l y gift giving with that. So she loves cooking for people she cares about, even when she's knight commander and has other 'more important' things to take care of she still goes out of her way to make sure the people she cares about are okay. Like she's the kind of friend who would text people like "have you eaten today? have you had any water?" if this was a modern/normal setting. With Daeran in particular I feel like he probably jokingly has to tell her that she's not one of his servants (but also I have this feeling that she's low key into that with him). I feel like he maybe returns the favor sometimes though too, especially when she starts to trust him again after Heaven's Edge? I feel like him doting on her kind and doing things like the rose scene maybe makes her feel cared for, even though it is overwhelming when it happens.

-----

🌾 Describe your OC through the eyes of someone absolutely head-over-heels in love with them. (Daeran btw)

"There's something so unholy about her, and not just because of what she is. She's an enigma, and that's what's so alluring to her. A peasant, but with a regal air to her; a creature nearly undead but not quite yet so full of life; a woman petite but who can command a room despite a less than imposing figure. All that, and she's still fun. The way her stormy gray eyes fix on whatever her focus is draws me in too, she almost makes me care about the damn crusade. Her pale skin so smooth and fine like marble, her hair thick and gently curled, so untamed and unrefined, it's all so much and she's still so unassuming sometimes. She acts like she'd be just as adjusted to a domestic life as she is to the battlefield, it all almost makes me want to settle down--as horrific of a thought as that is. Thankfully nothing we've done together makes me feel like I'm settling down."

-----

🌲 How deeply does your OC feel? Are they typically empathetic or do they have a hard time connecting with others in this way? What are they like when offering support and comfort to someone they care for?

Tristo pushes down all of his emotions. Almost all of them actually, he really only gets even slightly vulnerable with the people he's closest to (Sosiel, basically). He has a hard time connecting with people mostly by choice. He feels like having people he openly cares for is a source of weakness that can be used by people who want to hurt him, and also he just doesn't trust people not to betray or use him. He's closest to Sosiel for sure, and I feel like he's so soft and quiet and gentle when he comforts him. Like he's very pragmatic and very efficient but also he knows that him being all logical all the time isn't fair to Sosiel so he forces himself to soften up so that he can support him better?

-----

🌸 What are some of their favourite things and why? List as many as you can think of!

Hot black tea ( g o d I'm craving tea now), dark chocolate, raspberries, pomegranates, the smell of dust and old books, the smell of ozone before a storm, the rumble of thunder, the sound of a crackling fire, steak cooked well-done, watching people do meticulous crafts, puzzles, feeling important, feeling in control, little orange cats

[tiredelirium]

D.16

The only time I feel free is during the time where hobbies take over. I think it’s the lack of conscious responsibility of taking care of myself and others. Freedom to do whatever you want without a responsability or a burden or a pain, or a Sisyphean task getting in the way of whatever it is your brain deems fun.

For me thats really only my hobbies. When I was a kid and teenager it was primarily drawing, reading and games. Though those hobbies haven’t deviated much, they have either dwindled, evolved, or been abandoned. I don’t draw anymore, even though I have a desire too. My focus in that regard was taken from me in a way. I don’t read nearly as much as I should nowadays, but there are things I do read and regularly try to keep up with. Playing games is something I enjoy immensely but sometimes it feels like I shouldn’t be playing them because other tasks are piling up.

Responsibilities are a burden, but they keep us grounded in reality. People without them fall apart. People who can’t maintain them fall apart in a different way. Without them, the chain around your neck is so loose you can inadvertently strangle yourself with the excess length.

Lately the hobby thats been giving me the most enjoyment, despite being a huge time sink in the eyes of most has been anime. Theres countless old series I never watched. Either because I didn’t get a chance or didn’t know they existed. So many creative art styles, different animation approaches, alongside stories of every vein and style being told.

Though, like all things, some anime just doesn’t mix well with your own likes. I’ve watched a fair few where something has just felt so off that I had no interest in watching more than the first two episodes. I always give the second episode a chance, as you can’t always judge if you’ll like a show from a singular episode. On the opposing side sometimes you watch a singular episode you really enjoy only to have the rest of the show let you down.

Convoluted plot. Shoddy lip sync. Unappealing art style. Weird voice acting. Uninteresting characters.

All of these things can let down a show immediately. I think most forums would probably praise and bash their favourite anime in equal proportions. While that is a good thing, it can also leave a stale taste in the mouth from opinions you disagree with. I won’t pretend to be knowledgeable about any anime, even the anime I have watched, both past and present, that I’ve enjoyed can easily escape my mind.

I never understood rewatching a series over and over again. There’s never been any show or movie thats ever got me obsessed that way. I do enjoy what I enjoy deeply, but there’s never been a show to make me stop and go, “I’m going to watch this seventeen times in a single week, and love it.”

Considering all the shows that exist in the world, I want a chance to see them all at least once.

For those curious, who manage to find and read these journals, my favourite anime of all time is actually Fooly Cooly. And any modern day anime that can live up to its craziness instantly earns my respect and an add to a watch later list.

[deviantartdramahub]

9 notes

Okie, about time I talk about this biggie.

So first things first, I'll be responsible and admit some mistakes, It turns out Tam was only identifying as NB for pride month. Idk and I don't think he knows what they really are yet, but still, don't try to dictate him DADramaNow, as they now know and understand after I explained it to him. However, they told me in chat that he wants to use both he/him, and they/them pronouns, so actually respect those this time unlike this bullshit here -> 1 note (Just bc you put their correct at the time pronouns in parenthesis next to his at the time dead pronouns, doesn't make you any less in the wrong, you moronic cop-out.)

Also I acknowledge that they probably shouldn't use Google Translate as the only way to speak other languages, and should get actual knowledge from his parents. But don't think it gives you an excuse to attack them, alright?

Tam is still a great friend of mine who I care about deeply. And if I ever have to, I'll protect him.

Anyways let's get into the parts where YOU'RE in the wrong!! :)

So for the first reason about Club, oh I created a whole post here that proves you attacking him is just ableism!! :D

-> https://www.tumblr.com/deviantartdramahub/728512331840143360/so-dadramanow-youre-not-just-attacking-club?source=share

And yeah he's just trying to talk to people. He doesn't pressure them at all. "It is NOT Club’s job, nor is is he even qualified to teach other people, ESPECIALLY young minors about changing diapers of disabled people." He doesn't pretend to be a professional, he's just informing others in a fun way. You don't have to have a degree on something to be knowledgeable about it. And as a guy with autism and obviously knows what it's like, he's a good source of it. "Not to mention that his Eduard character is 9 years old and uses baby talk." He doesn't do "baby talk", he's just mostly non verbal. Ooh, making fun of non-verbal autistic people are we?? Thanks for more proof this is just ableism <3

"If you knew even the bit slightest thing about people with disabilities" Lol that's rich, I myself have autism, you twit. "Honestly, would you want a grown adult 20+ asking/saying to you a young teenaged woman things such as “Would like a widdle cookie, sweetie pie?” or “Let’s go upsiy daisy, boo boo!” or “Do you have to go potty, honey bear?” ? No, you wouldn’t, because it’s weird and makes you uncomfortable." Yeah, I DO in fact hate it, so how about your whole ass group stops talking down to me, thanks?? "If you knew anything, or even cared to do as much research as you do defending Club, you would know that not all grooming is sexual in nature!"

...

"you would know that not all grooming is sexual in nature!" ...

Okay, so I agree with that statement on it's own but...IS CLUB'S THING A SEXUAL FETISH OR NOT??! If you're going to harass and make up slander about people, AT LEAST KEEP YOUR GODDAMN STORIES STRAIGHT!!! This itself is huge proof these guys are full of shit and the whole Club drama is based on lies.

"Do you recall Tam drawing his teenaged persona KISSING Eduard who is age 9?" Not to throw my friend Tam under the bus of course sense he learned and matured since then and now knows better, but...HOW THE HELL IS THAT CLUB'S FAULT??! HE DIDN'T WANT THAT! "Plus, it he’s so innocent, why do comments, journals, and accounts of being victims from multiple users such these exist" Bc those are people just like you who want to cause rumor-spreading and trouble.

Now for the second one with my transphobic claim. Here's the quote I want to talk about in that section: "Tam is being silly, because that’s what kids do, and as the older one between the two of you, YOU should be educating him, not supporting bad behavior." Excuse me, but didn't you get pissed bc Club encourages older siblings to help out a little bit? And now you're over here straight up trying to force me to be a caretaker of my fucking friend. Same with this quote in the third section -> "This is an insult to his people, and AGAIN, YOU SHOULD BE EDUCATING TAM INSTEAD OF ENCOURAGING THIS BEHAVIOR!" I'm a 15 year old teenage girl, DADramaNow, NOT A FUCKING TEACHER! I'd be happy to teach my friend things but you can't yell at Club for educating and encouraging people to help others, then turn around and yell at me for not mothering my fucking friend.

LMAO AND THEN WE HAVE THE 4TH SECTION, WHICH IS LITERALLY JUST "Honestly speaking, you are only saying this because you are scared of Tri doxxing and harassing you like she did before. Tri is well known for doxxing, grooming, harassing others who disagree with her and Club, hacking accounts, defending Club’s grooming, and you know it." And no, you using her correct pronouns doesn't take you off the hook.

I absolutely just fucking love how they didn't even try to justify themselves in that one, and just resorted to threats but used two other people for the threats so they can pathetically escape looking like the bad guy. Honey please if you're gonna go down that route, at least grow some balls and spew threats of what YOU'LL do, instead of constantly throwing people under the bus as you cower in fear of the consequences of your actions. Grow up for the love of God.

And it's also funny how you tell me to learn to read when I told you to do the same thing when you ignored my proof and continued saying I wanted to date a FULL GROWN MAN.

Anyways sorry for this long one Tri, but it was necessary.

That’s alright. Basically what I said in the reply here. As I mention often, one can tell things are getting cliquey by people betraying what they say. You’re right, it’s not like Tam or Club are breaking any rules, that and Tam can identify how he wants. There is no such thing as a fake identity no matter how it alternates.

[dzpenumbra]

6/14/23

Caught up on sleep today. Even with only 7 hours, the difference is absolutely night and day. Did yoga and today's exercise routine which was pretty upper body heavy. This one pushed me close to my limits. I still find it weird that I'm getting to the point of where my muscles kinda go weak and give out, but I still don't get sore. It's just odd to me.

I played a bunch of Rimworld. Kinda just spaced out and absorbed things on my secondary monitor as the game played itself. I always forget how much I love that game, it pulls me in so deeply. I could draw a map of the colony from memory at this point. I'm playing a Sanguophage scenario on Blood and Dust difficulty, pretty heavily modded, and I'm playing around with a map that's an island in the middle of a lake. It's challenging because you have limited area to build on, and getting to resources on the main landmass can be slow-going, but it offers extra security being completely surrounded by water. I'm starting to construct bridges too, so I can control the flow of where raids, caravans and my colonists go. I think having a big stockpile of wood for repairs would be good, then if raids start getting rough I can just put an incendiary IED on the bridge and let them blow it, to cut their own reinforcements off, then rebuild it after.

I've always played by sorta... making one general common room and then just expanding a complex off of that. So the whole colony is one giant building, basically. Then making walls and bunkers around that for extra security. But... I've been trying to break out of that lately, and build more realistically. I'm trying to build separate structures, and dedicated power for individual structures too, so that I can sorta... break dependency on a centralized power grid. At least to start, I'm curious how it's going to play out. But... this building style is much more space demanding... and I'm on a small island... so that limitation is going to likely keep population pretty low.

I'm tempted, as always, to record another playthrough. To make a story out of it, since it's always a story anyways. It's a little late for that, but... I'm tempted to do one in the format of journals kept in the colony. So the footage shows the events, and the journal is read as voiceover, reflecting on the events as we watch them unfold. I like the idea. I'm not crazy about the work involved. But hell, it's better than just playing and not making a series.

What I don't want to do is... play on stream and get backseated. I am so fucking eternally grateful that people can't fucking spoil a randomly generated game, I swear to god I will never play a game with a narrative on stream ever again. People are just children. I really don't understand it. What the fuck is the deal with people and spoilers. Or thinking they're being coy with spoilers, like "ohh... :D why don't you find out? <wink wink>" or... "ohh... this part PEPW" I just can't. It ruins it. It absolutely ruins it. The whole point of a story, a narrative, is... it's meticulously designed (or at least it's supposed to be...) with something called "pacing". Well crafted stories give you information at a deliberate pace, there's an art to it, you see what you're supposed to see, as a way of controlling the reveal. Feeding information like that ahead of time literally ruins the effect and intention of the entertainment medium. Permanently. You get no second try to see something for the first time. It is mindblowing to me that people who appreciate this medium of storytelling so much that they not only consume it themselves, but watch other people consume it as well... don't actually understand how it works. Or maybe they're just sadists. I don't really know which is worse.

Needless to say, I'm having doubts about playing games on stream if I get back into streaming. It's been crossing my mind again lately. Mostly because... I don't have Mods. It's really fucking hard to fluidly play a game, play tech support for your own stream, tell an in-depth improvised story and babysit full-grown adults with impulse problems who have been told multiple times to cut the shit and stop trying to control the damn stream. It tests my nerves, which I really don't like. I had tried really hard to be patient and nice to these people over the years. I explained at length to several of them exactly why backseating is shit. Why it ruins the playthrough, I even put "No Backseating" as a tag. It's really important. I need to fuck up. I need to forget things. Say someone drops in a transport pod and they're bleeding out and need to be rescued and they would make a great addition to the colony, and I go "okay, I'll get right to that" and wrap up some shit first, but I get distracted and that person bleeds out. That's big. That's an important plot point. That completely changes the story. I'd say... 1/3 of the story is what the game randomly generates. 1/3 is what I input into it as part of playing the game, the decisions I make and things I miss. And 1/3 of it is how I connect the dots to stitch a narrative. Those may not be even thirds, but all three are crucial components, and when one is compromised, the others (and the whole) suffer.

So, in the past, I made it very clear to people - because they do have good intentions, they're just approaching it like... helping someone solve a crossword puzzle, not like watching a movie... - I made it clear to people that periodically I will consult chat for their input on what they think we should do in certain circumstances, so they do get some input in how the story plays out. Anything outside of that, no. Pretty easy system to understand. But I still had regular problems, which is where a mod would come in.

Anyway... yeah, clearly streaming again is on my mind. I'm just hesitant. Same old reasons. Might just do it for fun just to prove to myself that it's not the end of the world.

I've been trying to connect the dots to get here. I did more work on the digital piece again today. The one I was getting bad vibes about. I went back in and deleted the prototype texture layers and made newer bigger ones, and it looks much better. But this piece is going to take fucking forever. Which, of course... led me to thinking about streaming it. Especially if I'm trying to get away from RP streams. I've actually detoxed off them pretty well lately. Mostly because the balance on the server just went to shit. It's 1985 and they're selling crowbars for over $70. $9 for a slice of pizza. "Immersion"... Every beat of how fucked the economy is on that server, a direct reflection of all the current problems going on today. Depressing. Seriously though, it really kills immersion in a setting that's specifically trying to capture a certain time period. Like... there are real-life price points for reference... But if you get a player base that knows that a crowbar is a game mechanic tool that is required to break open ATMs... and you have a server that allows players to own all hardware stores in the game and set the prices... You'd really hope they'd actually... roleplay like it's real life... and not take into consideration that these are the only tool you can use for that particular crime... You know, because it's roleplay... not a competitive video game... right? I mean surely they wouldn't be taking the fact that crowbars are the only tool for that specific criminal job into consideration when they jack the price of them... right? Right? <exasperated sigh> People just can't fucking help themselves. So yeah, it's kinda stressful to watch how much OOC and meta shit is going on in that server right now. Only took a month, well done people.

But yeah, as I was saying... before I got derailed for the thousandth time... I have been considering streaming my digital art because it would be easy as fuck. All I have to do is figure out the audio routing and I should be fine to just play tunes. And I have a ton of work left to do, so... plenty of material to work with. As long as I don't have to deal with DMCA bullshit, that's all I care about. I can break up the monotony with Session or Risk of Rain or even Noita. I can make it work.

So... the digi piece is coming along well. And this was after a false start with the pair of shorts I was going to ink a design into. It started with an image from the Papyrus of Ani with Anubis weighing the heart against the feather of Ma'at. And... I got sidetracked trying to translate the hieroglyphs... then subsequently getting myself back on track and trying to put a sketch on the pants but... the idea I wanted to do was put the design over the cargo pocket on these khaki colored shorts. I ironed the pants as flat as I could get, but I couldn't get the pencil sketch to show up visibly enough for me to be comfortable working with it. Then I went to a plan B, doing a sketch of an image of Thoth from the same Papyrus, sorta standing next to the cargo pocket... but it was just kinda weird location with it on the top and inner thigh of the pants... so I kinda scrapped the idea. I hate scrapping ideas, but I just don't think it's gonna work with these pants. I'll keep brainstorming and come up with something eventually.

After I finished working on the digital piece, I started throwing together my simple mala necklace. And... I don't know how I feel about it, honestly. It's... very simple. Like... 13 Tiger's Eye beads on a white-dyed piece of hemp. And I was going to knot them about an inch and a half apart. And that was going to be it. But... it's just... much more simple than I was envisioning. It kinda feels like it's... too simple. I like the white and different colored Tiger's Eye contrast. I like the idea of the knots. The spacing seems good enough that I don't have to put on a clasp, I can just make it a closed loop. I'm just tempted to fill the space between the stones with wooden beads. But if I do that... it's going to be a lot of them. I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it and I should just make it, and if I don't like it after I finish it... I can just untie the knots and re-make it.

So yeah, that's kind where I'm at today. Lots of creativity today, happy about that. And not a lot of anxiety, which is nice. I think I only got anxious one time, watching some analysis video of The Matrix and realizing it came out... 24 fucking years ago... and that just... yeah. Oh boy... I remember being in middle school when that came out, I remember my friends would come over and we'd watch it in my family's living room on VHS. I think... I think that was before DVD was big. Yeah, I guess when I put it that way it was a long time ago... XD

Alright, enough rambling, tarot time because I want a shower before bed.

Past - VII: The Chariot, inverted (Taking action; setting goals and remaining focused.  Approaching obstacles with strategy, tenacity and courage.) Present - Page of Swords, inverted (Childlike awe and wonder, epiphany. Encountering wisdom but unable to process it.  Keen intellect, strong will, but lacks context and experience.) Future - Five of Wands (Competition, disagreement, strife, and the accompanying need to step up to the challenge, prove yourself and see it through.)

I'm going to keep my placeholder card hidden from me for now, I'm curious to see if it's relevant at the end of the reading.

This thread starts with The Chariot, inverted. I've kept glancing at The Chariot on my index in my Tarot Study doc for a few days now, it's one of the few of the Major Arcana that I hadn't gotten yet with this deck. In this position, I think this would kinda represent... struggling to put things into action, being hesitant and restrained. Like something is holding me back, and seeing courage pop up in that resonated a lot.

This is connected to a card I've gotten a few times recently, the Page of Swords, this time inverted. The Page of Swords feels to me like the image of someone really excited and inspired, but clumsy and inexperienced. And I'm kinda getting the vibe of... stuck with this one.

And this leads to... Five of Wands. Conflict... more specifically competition, I guess. Those are different things. Being challenged by others and having to rise to meet that challenge. Which I, being a very strict pacifist (aka "pussy"), have been deeply struggling with for a long time. But standing by your creations, your expressions, is an important part of being yourself in society. It's standing up for yourself.

So... my hesitation to move forward due to fear and kinda... being a bit disorganized... is leading to me being stuck in this state where I feel very knowledgeable and inspired, but very clumsy and naive... and this leads to being challenged by others, and having to defend myself. There's a definite trend of courage leading from origin to end here. Courage to drive The Chariot, courage to fail/learn as the Page of Swords, courage to stand up and prove yourself as the Five of Wands. If I were more courageous in The Chariot stage, there would be much more stability to work off of. If there was more courage in the Page, the slips and fuck-ups wouldn't be setbacks, merely bumps in the road. And all of that courage is essential for Five of Wands, in the end.

The placeholder card I had was Queen of Pentacles. A new one for me with a really long description that I skimmed through, but didn't really gather any of it because I really have to pee. Meh, points for trying. I'm off to bed.