#I do still write midi stuff from time to time to help around other people I know who need music for a project

[kittybroker]

Okay so I don't normally do self promotion here but I have an older soundcloud with some of my older midi music, and a few things I've done in the last year or two. I mostly write classically notated music and I might release piano scores or some of that in a bit if I set it up but for now all I have is my old midi stuff. Not the happiest with all the pieces as they are somewhat outdated now, and I never got my head around how midi instrumentation worked. I'll get around to sending out piano scores and maybe a small chamber ensemble piece or two once I have a proper way to share those.

Would very much appreciate if people listened at all, even if I rarely write music like this any more.

[amai-sakura-chan]

Amai sakura

Name: Amai Sakura fumi

Nicknames: Reine d'etoiles it means queen of stars, and because she litterally has stars in her eyes and uparupa / ウーパールーパー its japanese slang for axolotls i think according to google and because hes seen her regrow her hair and a few limbs at a fast rate too like axolotls do.

Age: 16

Birth date: 28/5/xxxx

Dorm: Ramshackle

Likes: Cute people, smiles, candy

Dislikes: Lies, discrimination, men

(Appearance)

A shorter-than most girl with light brown skin, Her curly hair is often styled in twin pigtails while her hair color changes quite often usually it transitions from a soft pink hue at the roots, gradually transforming into a bright purple at the ends, creating a magical ombre effect. Her eyes resemble the night sky with a glowy star in the middle of each. She is usually spotted with her iconic dark grey vest, a white oversized sweater similar to Kalim's, a dark midi-skirt with ruffles underneath. Tights and black shoes.

(Personality)

Ame usually has a cheerful personality towards most people she encounters. She likes to smile and tease people. Thanks to her cute looks, she's often perceived as naive while she's very smart and can easily understand people emotionally, sometimes even overwhelming people. She often is seen laughing and smiling, but if she sees someone attempting to manipulate her, she switches to cold in an instant

(Background)

(This'll be really short because I'm planning on writing a chapter for this)

She grew up with divorced parents and a cunning father, a loving and naive mother alongside a very irritable brother. She often had fights with her brother and her father. Whenever her parents got into trouble, Ame was the one fixing it up, leading to her believing she only exists to help others

(Trivia)

- Strongly dislikes her father and is very envious to Silver and Lilias relationship

- Often has and still will threaten most nrc students, often even the headmage for ex. Leona with cucumbers, if you've seen those cat videos, you'll know. The tweels with salt Crowley with rodent poison. Malleus lilia and sebek with iron >:) has threatened crowley with poisons and more to force him to get stuff for her and grim

- Leona, Ruggie, Jack, Floyd, Jade, Idia, Lilia, Malleus, and Sebek all aren't safe from her. She loves looking at their teeth and talks a lot about it. Has studied them on multiple occasions, asked them to open their mouths, and with a flashlight, they studied each and every tooth in their mouth (not in a weird way she is just fascinated by different looking teeth)

- Idia has often mumbled that she looks like "the typical manga heroine" while Ame couldnt understand anything of what he meant

- Her bows are more than what they look like. Not just cute accessories for her hair, they double as sensors/antennas. They help sense danger and stuff about people she can use them to sense creatures around her and information about creatures whenever needed. they also turn black under strong senses of magic.

- Has put stickers on the faces of the people she's met at least once

- Because her parents were divorced, and she had to switch every week between her moms and dads house. It eventually got her used to be without a parent or permanent home half of the time, so she didn't really miss her family much, nor did she feel weird when she moved into Ramshackle

Tagging: (It's just who tumblr recommended. If you wanna be tagged, make sure to tell me)

@babyghoul138 @gimmeurmoneyagh @twtysevapr @oya-oya-okay @angelwishess @blood-red-hummingbee

[teenyweenynightghost]

A breath of fresh air

 Chapter 2

Warnings: Anxiety, mental health issues

The summer passed slowly. Everyday my mother would drag me to a new place, either getting some medical tests done, or academic ones. She took me shopping for new clothes so that I could make her proud at my new school. As if that mattered.

I no longer managed to find myself within nature. I would get anxious when I tried to enter the forrest, or I would simply be so distracted I couldn’t even notice what flowers were around me. Same thing with photography. Nothing caught my attention, nothing seemed worth it anymore. The world was running around me, leaving me far behind, fallen on the ground.

The day I would leave finally came. The fight was no different to those I took when flying to my grandma, but this time I was scared. I wasn’t flying towards comfort and peace, but rather going to a whole new place, a land of uncertainty and doubt.

My cab pulled up in a gigantic driveway. I could see kids of all ages running around, talking and greeting new people. I started feeling anxious again, my breath was caught in my neck and i started suffocating in silence as my door suddenly opened. Outside stood an old woman, her face wrinkly and lean, looking at me with a soft gaze. “Why don’t you step out darling, I promise no-one here bites”. I tried to force a smile and push my way out. 

Now standing in front of her, I noticed that she was tall. Much taller than me. She was wearing a light blue blazer and a matching midi-skirt, with a white ruffled blouse underneath. Her hair was dark brown with streaks of gray, all tied up in a tight up-do.

“My name is Mrs Henson, i am the head-mistress of the school. You must be Aurora Gardner.”

“Yes, I am. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I reached out my hand and met hers in a tight shake.

“I’m glad you made it here safely. Now, there will be staff coming to pick up your luggage and taking it to your dorm. Meanwhile, I would like to introduce you to your roommate, who I’m sure will be nice enough to give you a tour of the campus.”

With that, we started walking. I noticed that the drive-way extended into a big circle, further being guarded by the surrounding buildings. It all looked old, but similar to the things you see in movies. The architecture, the atmosphere, the flowers. But I couldn’t focus on all that right now.

We made our way towards a green area, filled with students chatting. I saw a rose bush on the side, and tried to examine it. Before I realised, a girl came up to us and started talking to Mrs Henson. My attention slowly shifted to her, as she was smiling brightly at us. I think my whole face fell upon seeing her. Her bright blue eyes captured my own, her nose ring complimenting her face perfectly. Her hair was all different types of shades of blond, reaching a bit lower than her shoulders. She had a nicely kept fringe and wore large cross earrings. I would have lied If i said that was not the most beautiful girl in the world.

Caught up in my own thoughts, I felt her place a delicate hand on my shoulder. “You still here, puppy?” My face turned red at that nickname, and my mouth suddenly felt very dry. I couldn’t do anything other than slightly nod at her. Upon seeing my reaction, she smirked and hugged me. “My name is Victoria, but you can call me Vic.” She let go and fixed her gaze back at me. “I’m Aurora” I responded quietly, my mind having been shaken from so much contact. I loved hugs, but It brought back memories. It was reaction I didn’t even know I had developed until now.

“Alright” she chuckled softly, a devilish look in her eyes “how about I show you around.” Before I could nod again, she grabbed my hand and lightly tugged me towards the main entry, not letting go even after making sure I was with her. I felt red again, this time worrying about my hand being clammy as well.

The tour was not that long. She mentioned that we had the same classes so she would come with me everyday, thus not needing to show me the academic area today. Instead, she took me to the library. It was a gigantic room, lit by crystal chandeliers and torches. In the middle, there was a large staircase splitting into two, one side leading to more books, the other leading to a study area. While I was taking it all in, staring in awe at my surroundings, I caught her looking at me from the corners of my eyes, I turned my gaze towards her only to be met by her bright eyes once more. She smiled again and said “I knew you would like it here, puppy” Again, my face turned an embarrassing shade of red and my knees started feeling weak. What was wrong with this girl and why could she do this to me? I looked away quickly and made my way towards a book shelf, thinking that the only reason i felt such a spark in me when that girl talked was anger.

A few hours later, she finally took me to the Sleeping Area. We climbed up two flights of stairs, and made our way down a dimly lit corridor. She pulled out a key which clinked in her hands when it met her numerous rings. Unlocking the door, she stepped away and made me room to enter. I looked down as I passed her, feeling her hand on my lower back, guiding me inside. Once again, I was as red as a tomato. 

“I already took the bed on the left, and it surely does seem like a lot of work to move all my stuff again, so you can either sleep on the right one or sleep with me.” At those few last words, I I almost choked on my spit, and turning away so that she couldn’t see the clear effect she had on me. Nevertheless, I didn’t need to be facing her to know just how much she was smirking.

I wobbled towards the right side of the room and sat down on the bed, looking at the window above it. “This one is just fine.” I heard her snort before she retorted back “I was kind of hoping you would say the latter.” This girl had something with me. I just couldn’t tell what yet.

On the wall opposite to me, I noticed a tall wooden cabinet, next to which was my luggage. I opened it and took out my pyjamas and hygiene kit, before turning back to Vic. “Do you know where the bathroom is?” She lazily pointed towards a door in our room I had not noticed, and smiled at the annoyed expression on my face. “Well princess, now that you’re all settle down, I’ll leave you to it. I have to go practice with my friends.” With that, she gave me a wink and left the room. As soon as I was alone, the atmosphere changed. It was gloomier, and it reminded me of an empty room before you would move houses.

To my surprise, the water was warm and the pressure was pretty good. After finishing all my business in the bathroom, I quickly stumbled towards my bed and covered myself with the heavy duvet. I was shivering from the cold air trapped in the room, but I noticed it only helped me relax faster.

There were still so many things in my head, a permanent buzz plaguing my brain. I weary and troubled, but I had no place to go. I glanced up at the window, the stars barely showing, and a tear fell down my face. I missed my grandmother and her soothing words, the way she waited for me every night and reassuring me that I would never be alone. As I felt my consciousness slip away, I wished for one thing; to not be alone anymore.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK so here is chapter 2. I had fun writing it and I can’t wait to do the next one, where you will get even MORE vic stuff. and blushing of course.

LOve you babes and have a wonderful day

@fuckim-so-gay

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Fifty-Seven

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: Smut and Fluff.

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

As promised, Wednesday after work, you and Harry went to the tattoo parlor so you could get your nose pierced. You picked out a white gold stud, and picked out a few hoops you’d want to interchange with once you could.

“This one is so cool, it has diamonds on it. It could be for like special occasions.”

Harry couldn’t wait to see you with the hoop once it was time. He was already parched just thinking about it. You grabbed some thinner hoops for work as well. He watches you look over the naval piercings. He points to a few he likes and you grab one of them. Your name gets called and you go to sit in the chair.

“Which side?”

“Left, please.”

“And you’re doing this so you can have a hoop later, right?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, so I’ll do it a little lower down. Now, don’t twist this like you would an ear piercing. You need to let this be so it can heal properly.”

“Okay.” You reach out for Harry’s hand as the man cleans up your nose. You close your eyes, and Harry almost thinks to take your picture because he think you look so cute.

“Okay, here we go.”

You grit your teeth and white knuckle Harry’s hand. He places his other hand on your shoulder.

“Son of a bitch!” You yelp as the needle goes into your nose.

“Almost done.” The man reassures you.

Your nostril felt numb, but you were happy with it when he showed it to you in the mirror.

“Looks great, love.”

“Alright, Harry, you ready?”

“Yup.” He hands him a piece of paper from his pocket. “I’d like that on my forearm, where there’s space.”

Harry sits down in a chair as the man cleans up his arm. You sit next him.

“What are you getting?”

Before Harry can answer, the man puts a piece of paper over where Harry wants it and peels it back. You see a very small, very detailed sunflower.

“A sunflower, for my sunflower.” He winks at you.

“Oh, Harry…are you sure?”

“Positive. Will yeh hold my hand?” He smiles.

“Don’t make fun of me.” You pout. “It really hurt.”

“I know baby.” He puts his hand out to you as the man gets to work. You’re amazed that Harry doesn’t even flinch, but he had so many he could hardly feel it anymore.

Thirty or so minutes later it was done. You take a picture of it for him before the man bandages it up. You each pay separately for your things and head out.

“So my nose really looks good?”

“Yup, can’t wait to see the hoop in it though.”

“Six to eight weeks.” You smile. “I can’t believe you got my favorite flower tattooed on you, that was so sweet.”

“S’not weird?”

“Not at all! It’s so special, like, something for the two of us.” He takes your hand in his and kisses it.

//

Harry had confirmed your double date with Rachel and Mariah. The four of you agreed on a trivia night at a local bar. You all meet there Friday night after work. It was a little weird for Harry to be hanging out with someone outside of work, but he got on with Mariah pretty well, so it wasn’t totally awkward.

You and Rachel told stories from college, and Mariah talked about getting into photography. Rachel explains why she wanted to be a high school art teacher.

“I just think kids that age lose a lot of the fun in their lives. Art is important at any age, but when they’re getting ready to go to college, I wanna help them destress with my classes.”

“That’s so cool.” Mariah says and Rachel blushes.

“Mariah, what was it like when you and Harry first met?” You were a tad tipsy.

“Oh god, I was terrified of him.” She laughs and his jaw drops. “But then when he shook my hand and I saw the bright pink color on his nails, I knew wasn’t so scary.” She giggles. “I’ll never forget, after the first two weeks, he comes over to me and he says, ‘I think you’re the only person here other than myself that isn’t a blithering idiot’.” Everyone at the table laughs at her impression of him. It was pretty good.

“I was right though.”

“Very true. God, it’s so annoying when someone else tries to set up a shot for you, isn’t it? Like hello, I have a vision.”

“Exactly! If it was as easy as just snappin’ away, anyone would do it.”

“So was everyone scared of Harry?” Rachel asks.

“I think they were mostly intimidated. Everyone talks to each other and gets together, but H always stuck to himself.”

“Not the type of people I wanted to be chummy with.” He has a disgusted look on his face, thinking of Mykenzie. “I quite like Isaac though, he’s been a good addition.”

“Love Isaac, he always gets us everything we need.”

“He’s always so nice when I come to visit.” You say.

“He’s got a huge crush on Harry.” Mariah giggles.

“Stop it.” Harry says groaning.

“You know he does.”

“Thought he just thought I was cute or somethin’. Didn’t think it was a crush.”

“Well, I’ve never asked him personally, so he could easily just be attracted to you. I’ve heard him talk about it with Julia and Dana.” The sound of Julia’s name makes you want to vomit.

“Jesus, Harry, does everyone at your work have a thing for you?” Rachel asks.

“Everyone except this one.” He winks and nods towards Mariah, making both girls giggle.

Trivia starts and you all pick a stupid team name. You and Rachel were best at coming up with answers. You both knew a lot about pop culture, and luckily there weren’t too many other categories.

“How the fuck did yeh know that?” Was something Harry said quite a bit, and you both just shrugged your shoulders.

“Which Kardashian married an NBA player after dating for thirty days?” The emcee asks.

“Oh that was Khloe.” You tell Rachel to write down. Harry’s jaw drops. “What?”

“You’re obsessed with reality television!”

“Not true! I used to watch Keeping Up when I was in college. It was night to have on in the background when I’d do homework. It’s not a show you have to pay attention to.”

“What was the name of season twenty Bachelor?”

“Ben Higgins.” You, Rachel, and Mariah all say at the same time.

“Jesus Christ.”

“You watch the Bachelor?” Rachel asks her.

“Never miss an episode. You watch?”

“Yeah, we should get together to watch some time.”

“I’d like that.” They smile at each other. You put your hand on Harry’s leg and give it a little squeeze.

“What did Leonardo DiCaprio text back to Jennifer Lopez after James Corden texted him from her phone back in 2016?”

“Who the fuck would know-“

“You mean tonight boo boo? Club wise?” You say as Rachel nods and writes it down. You look at Harry whose mouth was hanging wide open. “Do you not watch carpool karaoke ever?”

“Can’t say I do, love.”

“You’re missing out.” You giggle.

“Do you still have that picture of Leo with that quote over his like serious face and it’s in black and white?”

“I do! It’s in a drawer in my office. Makes me laugh when I look at it.”

You were quirky, and Harry rarely got to see these little things come out. He liked it, a lot. You were sort of nerdy in your own right and he thought it was insanely cute.

Your group came in third place, earning you each a coupon for a free app the next time you came to the bar. You all say goodnight, and confirm what time with Rachel you should be over tomorrow to get ready.

//

Your hair was up in messy bun and you had sweats on before you left for Sarah and Rachel’s. You bring your large overnight bag out to the front hall, and go up to the loft to say goodbye to Harry.

“Any plans tonight, baby?”

“Yeah, Niall’s comin’ over. Think we’re goin’ to play Madden.”

“Oh great!”

“That’s what you’re wearin’ for your big night out?”

“God no, I’m getting ready with them. Like old times. We pregame a little while doing each other’s hair and make up. We decide on outfits, all that girly stuff.”

“So I don’t even get to see what you’re wearin’ out before you go?” He pouts and puts his hands on your hips as you stand between his legs.

“’Fraid not.” You lean in and kiss his forehead. “I’ll send you a pic though.” You kiss him on the lips. “Have fun with Niall.”

“Have fun with the girls.”

He watches you descend down the stairs. He was very curious to know what you might be wearing. He hoped it wasn’t too sexy since he wouldn’t be there. The thought of a bunch people looking at you didn’t sit right with him, but it was out of his control. He also hated that you wouldn’t be coming back to him tonight. He wanted your drunk cuddles, they were the best.

You drive to Rachel and Sarah’s and hug Sarah and wish her a happy birthday. You all start drinking and get ready. You each take turns posting to your Instagram stories. Giggles and music in the background.

Niall comes over to see Harry, and they both get set up on the sofa.

“How was your date last night?” Harry asks.

“Made her cry tears of joy, finally gave her a key to my place.”

“Good for you mate!” Harry smiles at him. Niall checks his phone and looks at all three of your stories. “What in the fuck was that?”

“Our girls havin’ a grand ol’ time. Look.” Niall shows him Sarah’s story and sees you with your hair half done, curling iron in hand, making a kiss face as Rachel dances behind you. “Like they never stopped livin’ together.” He chuckles.

“Any idea where they’re goin’?”

“Pinz I think.”

//

“Okay, what am I wearing?” Sarah asks.

“We got you this sash that says ‘birthday bitch’ so you have to wear it.” Rachel giggles.

“Guess that means I should wear my red dress to match, huh?” She snatches it. “What did you bring, Y/N?”

“Oh, just my fav party outfit.” You grin. You take out a skin tight quarter sleeve, olive green, midi dress.

“Ohhh shiiiittt.” Rachel says. “She back in town.”

“For one night only.” You wink.

Sarah puts on a short sleeve red dress that flowed around her thighs. Rachel put on a black pencil skirt and white crop top. You all looked great. None of you wore a bra, purposefully, to just make out all of your piercings. You set up your phone to take a few pictures of the three of you. The three of you were feeling sexy, and you were ready to show Sarah a good time.

“Wait, I told Harry I’d send him a picture.”

“Better send one to Niall too.”

“Okay, line up you heteros.” Rachel says sarcastically. You both stick your tongue out at her.

“Y/N, push your boobs up, really put a show on for him.” She giggles.

“Okay, like this?” You push your boobs up and pout your lips.

“Model! Model vibes!” Sarah screams as she takes a shot of tequila.

“Okay, now turn around and look over your shoulder. Gotta show that booty.” You do as she says.

“He’s gonna kill me.” You laugh.

“Why?”

“Because not only am I not wearing a bra, but I don’t have any panties on either.”

“Well, duh, you can’t with that dress.” Sarah defends you. “Okay, my turn.”

You and Rachel snap pictures of the birthday girl. You both send the pictures to your boyfriends. You take some more silly pictures altogether.

“You know what’s crazy? This is my first birthday without Kate in years…”

“Are you upset we didn’t invite her?” Rachel asks.

“Not really.” She shrugs. “I haven’t really missed her to tell you the truth.”

“Me neither.” You admit. “I miss the old times, but I’ve been less stressed without her in my life.”

“Agreed.” Rachel says. “Uber’s here! Let’s hit it.”

//

Niall and Harry’s phones go off at the same time. They look at each other and pause their game.

“Jesus.” Harry’s eyes pop out of his head.

“Holy hell.” Niall says looking at the pictures Sarah sent him.

Harry zooms in on the pictures best he can. You looked incredible. He wanted to tear the dress right off you.

“Mate?” Harry says with his mouth hanging open.

“Yeah?”

“She’s not wearin’ any knickers…”

“Doesn’t look like Sarah’s got a bra on either.”

“Same with Y/N…why would they do that?” Harry looks at him panicked. “I mean, look, not even any knickers!” He shoves the phone his face, but Niall pushes it back.

“Do ya really want me lookin’ at her arse?”

“Right, no, I don’t. And I don’t want anyone else to either. Why would she do this t’me?” He whines.

“To remind ya how fuckin’ lucky ya are.” Niall gets up. “Come on, we better break into the liquor instead of just beer tonight.”

“Good idea.”

//

The three of you get to Pinz, and Sarah is given a free shot and drink of her choice as the bartender sees her sash and ID. You all head to the dance floor once you have your drinks. The music was good tonight, really good. You were all laughing and singing, adding more to your Instagram stories. Niall and Harry couldn’t help but keep refreshing their feeds to see what the three of you were up to.

“They’re havin’ a lot of fun…” Harry says.

“Fuck girl’s nights. We should be allowed to show up.” Niall slurs.

“Even to just roll up and have a shag in the bathroom quick, then I’d be good.”

“Exactly! S’not askin’ too much.” He sighs. “But we can’t. I was told specifically not to show up.”

“Bullshit is what it is.” Harry slurs. How much did they drink?

You go up to the bar to grab the next round of drinks. You bump into someone by accident and apologize.

“Oh, no worries…Y/N?”

“Matt?!” You cross your arms over your chest immediately.

“Hey!”

“Hi, um, how are you?”

“Good! It’s great to see you.”

“Yeah, you too. How are things with school?”

“Good, new semester. Miss working with you all.”

“We miss you too.” You walk up closer to the bar. You lower your hands and flip your hair slightly to get the bartender’s attention.

“Whatya have gorgeous?”

“Three vodka cranberries please.” You push your boobs closer together.

“Got a tab?”

“Nah.”

“Alright, that’ll be ten bucks.”

“But that’s only-“

“Know it’s your friend’s birthday over there.” He winks at you, and you put a ten dollar bill and a couple of singles down on the bar while he makes the drinks. Matt was in awe of you.

“Come here a lot?” You ask him.

“A little yeah. We came here for my birthday like you suggested, so we come out when we can. Guys! This is Y/N!” A few of his friends look at you and their faces flush, they wave hello and you wave back.

“Alright, here ya go.” You hear the bartender say.

“Thanks so much!” You say taking the drinks.

“Get off at two by the way.” You blush and smile at him. “Just a girl’s night, but thanks.” He nods in understanding.

“Well, it was good seeing you. Have fun!” Matt and the bartender watch you walk away.

Rachel and Sarah each take a drink from you. You notice a napkin stuck to yours.

“Oh god!”

“What?” They both ask.

“The bartender gave me his phone number! What should I do? Just throw it out right??”

“Toss it on the floor!” Rachel says. And you do just that. You didn’t want to risk Harry finding anything like that.

The three of you continue to dance and pop your asses to the songs the club was playing. It was a really great time. You each have another round of vodka cranberries, courtesy of Rachel. Harry hadn’t texted you more than a kissy face since you sent him the pictures. You take out your phone and send him a drunk text.

You: having fun w ni?

Harry smirks when he sees it.

Harry: mhm, having fun with the girlies?

You: so much fun!! Miss u

Harry: miss you too baby

You: ur a cutie

Harry had a dopey smile on his face and Niall starts laughing.

“Oi, what’s so fuckin’ funny?”

“You’re so gaga over her.” He shakes his head.

“S’not a bad thing.” He pouts.

“Not at all.”

The three of you laugh and sing and are actually quite annoying in the back of the uber on the way back to Rachel and Sarah’s. The three of you set up camp in the living room with air-mattresses, blankets and pillows. Sarah uses the bathroom first to wash her face and change. You sit down and your head feels heavy. You decide to FaceTime Harry, Rachel sits next to you to get in on it.

“Oh check it out, she’s FaceTimin’ me.” He says to Niall. The two had just started a movie. “Hello?”

“Hey!”

“Hi Harry!”

“Hi girls.”

“Where’s my girl?” Niall pouts.

“Birthday girl got first dibs on the bathroom.” You explain. “Whatcha up to?”

“We just started a movie, love.”

“Ohhhh, fun. We’re gonna do that too, just waiting to wash our faces.”

“How was the bar?”

“So much fun! We danced the whole time.”

“I’ll bet. Any guys try to give yeh their number?” He jokes. Your face and Rachel’s lose all color. You both look at each other and laugh nervously. “Wait, did a guy actually try to give you their number?”

“Um…just the bartender.” Harry’s eyebrows raise. “But I didn’t even realize it! He had put a napkin with our drinks and I noticed it. I threw it right on the ground!”

“Why did he give it to you though?”

“Y/N only paid ten buck for the drinks.” Sarah giggles, sitting down with them, only in a large t-shirt. “Oh, hi Niall!”

“Hey baby!”

“You only had to pay ten dollars for three drinks?”

“Mhm.” Your face grows red. Rachel starts giggling. “Stop, you’re not helping.”

“What did you do? Why’d he discount it?”

“He said he knew it was Sarah’s birthday.” You shrug. You burst out laughing. “And I may have pushed my boobs up.” The other two start laughing.

“Y/N, that’s not fu-“

“You know what, I really need to pee. You know how I am when I really need to pee, Harry. I love you, have a fun rest of your night!” You end the call and get up to use the bathroom.

Harry pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

“You cannot get mad at her, mate.”

“Why not?”

“Because she’s drunk, clearly. She doesn’t know what she’s sayin’.”

“She purposefully showed off to get a discounted drinks!”

“Like you’ve never done the same thing.”

“Not while I was datin’ someone…”

“Oh Harry.” Niall shakes his head. “Please don’t make this a big deal. If I was a woman that looked like her, like any of ‘em, I’d do the same thing. Relationship or not. Don’t spoil her fun.”

“M’not.” He sighs. “You wouldn’t be mad if Sarah told you somethin’ like that.”

“It’s her birthday, she can do whatever she wants.” He shrugs.

Niall and Harry pass out on the couch, and they both wake up around three in the morning. Niall leaves and goes back home across the street while Harry sleeps in his bed alone. He imagines how lonely it must’ve been for you while he was away. He sleeps in the middle of the bed so it doesn’t feel so large without you.

//

You and the girls stay up until nearly five in the morning. You watch old movies and reminisce on your days in school together. You all pass out snuggled up together like old times. Harry woke up around eleven and you still weren’t home. No texts or anything from you. He sighs, and gets up to make some coffee. Just as he’s walking out to the kitchen, only in his boxers, he here’s your footsteps. He stands leaning against the wall of the outside of the kitchen, arms crossed waiting for you to enter.

Your hair was up in a messy bun, your sweat pants were hanging low on your hips, your dress from last night was rolled up to look like a shirt, and you had your sunglasses on. You drop your bag once you get into the living area, and you jump when you see Harry.

“Christ.” You say, pulling your sunglasses up on the top of your head.

“Fun night?”

“Mhm.” He starts chuckling. “What?”

“What are you wearin’?”

“I woke up sweaty and didn’t wanna wear my shirt home, so I put this back on, and these are your sweatpants, so they’re baggy, and I know I look ridiculous okay?” You walk towards him and go into the kitchen. He follows you. “Need coffee.” You go over to the Keurig.

“Do you remember FaceTimin’ me last night?” He asks with his arms still crossed. Yes.

“Vaguely.” You press the button on the machine after putting your favorite mug underneath.

“Do yeh remember sending me those pictures at the beginning of the night?”

“Course I do.” You turn to look at him. “I looked like a fucking stunner.” He looks down and sees your pebbling nipples through the top of your dress. You cross your arms over yourself.

“So happy everyone got to see your nips last night.”

“No one saw anything. It was dark in the club.”

“You didn’t have any knickers on.”

“And how would you know that? Easily could’ve been wearing a thong.”

“Were you?”

“No.” He lets out an exasperated sigh. “You can’t wear underwear with this dress, it shows everything.”

“Why would you wear it then?”

“Because I felt like it.” The coffee finishes pouring. You go over to the fridge and grab your creamer, and pour a little in. You bring the mug to your lips and take a small sip. You sigh happily. Harry begins making his own coffee. “Did you and Niall have fun?”

“Yes.” He narrows his eyes at you.

“What?”

“Nothin’.” He takes a sip of his black coffee. “Yeh hungover?”

“No, stomach just feels gross. We drank vodka cranberries all night. Way too much sugar.”

“Need breakie?”

“No.” You giggle. “Thanks, we ate. We had some hash-browns and cheesy eggs, that’s why I’m just getting back now.” You finish up your coffee and put your mug in the sink. You yawn and stretch. “I feel like I need to sleep for like ten years.”

You leave the kitchen and start taking your clothes off as you make your way to the bedroom. You were desperate a shower. But Harry was more desperate for you. You feel him wrap his arms around you from behind. You had only taken your top off.

“You’re still not wearin’ knickers.” He says into your ear.

“Nope.” You press back against him, and you feel him growing hard.

“I missed you last night.” He whispers while nipping at your earlobe. You turn around and wrap your arms around his neck, pressing your bare chest to his.

“And I bet you missed more seeing me dressed like that?” Your nose brushes against his as he nods. “My poor baby.” You rest your chin on his shoulder as you hug him closer to you. “Let me take a shower, and then I promise I’ll love on you all day.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” You kiss him on the cheek and let go of him.

“I can’t shower with you?” He pouts.

“I need to, like, shave and stuff. Just ten minutes, get cozy and wait for me on the bed, okay?”

“Alright.” He sighs like you’ve denied him of the world, and gets on the bed.

You do your thing in the bathroom. You don’t need to wash your hair, so that saves a good chunk of time. Your stomach still feels like shit, but you know it’ll pass. You dry off completely and moisturize your freshly shaven legs. Usually you’re wrapped in a towel, have your robe on, or even have pj’s on after you shower. You and the girls were introduced to tik tok last night, and you kind of want to try the new challenge going around. You just hoped Harry kept his boxers on.

You grab your phone and start the video, showing the audience that you’ve dropped your towel. You open the bathroom door slowly. Harry had an arm behind his head, and the other hand was scrolling through his phone. You giggle as you open the door the rest of the way.

“Hey baby?” He looks over at you, furrowing his brows while he smiles.

“What are you doin’?” He reaches his hands out to you.

“Air drying.”

He gets up off the bed and walks towards you, picking you up, you stop your video and laugh hysterically. He puts you down on the bed, and wonders what’s so funny.

“Were you recordin’ me?”

“I won’t post it if you don’t want me to since you’re like naked.”

“Post it where?”

“Tik tok…”

“Jesus, how old are you?” He chuckles. “Dana and Julia are on that app all the time.”

“It’s actually a lot of fun. The girls and I all downloaded it last night. There’s this challenge going around for couples, so I thought I’d give it a try. Look, watch your face.” You play the video back for him and you both start laughing. “But I won’t post it if you don’t want me to.”

“S’fine, I don’t really care.” He shrugs.

You post the video and add all the hashtags, then put your phone on the night table. You turn over and rest your head on his chest. You drape your leg over his, and he pulls your thigh up closer. He rubs his hand back and forth.

“Ohh, nice and smooth.” He coos. “Not that I really care if you’re hairy.”

“So if I just stopped shaving my legs, you wouldn’t care?” You raise an eyebrow.

“You said it’s for your own comfort right? Do what yeh want. It doesn’t bother me, hair is natural.”

“How progressive of you.” You say facetiously. He looks down at you as he continues to stroke your leg.

Your hand goes up into his hair and he leans in to lightly kiss you. You kiss him back, and you both sink into it. Your mouth opens for him and his tongue slides in tasting you until your tongue meets his. You both let out soft moans. One of his hands is cupping the back of your head, the other leaves your thigh and moves up to your breast, kneading it.

You pull him on top of you, and you feel his hard cock press against your hip, as your kiss deepens even more. It wasn’t often the two of you just made out. You always really liked kissing, to have someone’s lips on yours. Harry had soft lips, always. He was good at pressing them hard against yours, always making yours puffy and swollen after. You loved the shade of his lips too, especially after kissing. They would become this raspberry color. It made you want to bite onto them even more.

Subconsciously that’s what you do. You bite his bottom lip and suck it into your mouth. He groans and grinds himself against your hip. You let go of his lip slowly, really making a show of it as you open your eyes to look up at him.

“Want you.” He says in a whisper.

“Take me.” You whisper back.

He groans again kissing you quick before tugging his boxers down his legs, and tossing them to the floor. He hovers back over you, and you put your hands on his shoulders. One of his hands reaches between your legs to make sure you’re wet. Of course you are. It doesn’t take much with him. He smirks as you spread apart for him. He lines himself up and he slowly pushes inside. You both moan at the initial contact.

Once he’s all the way in, he stays there for a moment, just savoring how your velvety walls feel around him. You tighten out of instinct, and loosen up letting him know he can move. He slowly starts to rock his hips against yours. Your head falls back against the pillow.

“Y’like that?”

“Yes.” You say with your eyes rolling back into your head.

He keeps up the same motion, just rocking in and out of you, his tip hitting your g-spot already. He picks up the pace only a little to give himself some of the friction he’s been craving, but he slows it back down for you because he knows that’s how you like it. One of his hands drops back down to rub slow, but purposeful circles on your clit.

“Ngh, Harry.” You moan softly.

One of your hands moves from his shoulder to the grasp at the hair on the nape of neck. He drops his head to the crook of your neck, kissing you softly. Your breathing was getting heavier. He could feel you starting to tighten against him in preparation for your orgasm.

“Gonna come f’me, angel?” You moan at his words, your eyes fluttering closed. “Go on, I know you can do it. Come all around my cock.” He nips at your neck, and your heels dig into the backs of his thighs.

You let out a large moan of his name, tears pricking at your eyes, and he feels you pulsate around him. He fucks you through it, not letting up on your g-spot or clit. You come really hard, and the sound in the room fills with squelching and skin slapping against skin.

“Gimme another one, come on, let’s see how many we can go for.” Your eyes pop open. You realize he still hadn’t let up on you. You start panting again.

“Harry.” You groan. It was too much. You were so sensitive.

“Don’t hold back baby, just relax. Don’t fight it.”

“Shit, shit, shit.” The way he was talking to you was sending you to another dimension. You release around him again and he groans against you, loving the way it feels.

He leans up a bit and looks down at you with a wicked grin.

“What?” You say trying to catch your breath.

“Can I hit it from the side, love?” Your eyes grow dark with lust and you nod.

He helps you turn your body with him still inside you. One of your legs going up over his shoulders, and the other staying between his own legs. He rocks into you and your back arches immediately.

“Feel good?” He smirks.

“So good.” You clutch at the blankets as he continues to rock in and out of you. “Fuck, Harry.” You grit your teeth. You reach down to rub your swollen clit.

“Jesus.” He moans watching you touch yourself.

“Harry, I…I want you back on top of me, wanna feel your weight on me, please.”

“Anything you want, angel.”

He pulls out of you only for a moment to let you adjust. Both of his eyebrows raise as he watches you flip onto your stomach. You look back at him over your shoulder.

“Go on, I’m okay. Want it this way. Just get fully on top of me. You’ve done it before.”

“Okay…but…if-“

“I promise I’ll tell if you if I’m scared.” You wiggle your butt back at him to let you know you’re getting impatient.

He uses his thumbs to spread you apart, and he lines himself up to enter you again. You feel his chest flush to your back, and he rocks into you slowly. You raise your hips slightly to slip your hand underneath yourself to rub your clit. Harry grabs your other hand with his, and you intertwine. That’s that good shit, you think to yourself. Your hands rest together by your head.

He’s getting in so deep this way, and the way he’s squeezing one of your hips just feels so good. You rub yourself a little faster, and you feel another orgasm coming on. He can feel it coming too.

“That’s it baby, come f’me again.” That was all he needed to say to make your release come. “You feel so fuckin’ good.” You pulse and vibrate around his cock. You wonder how much longer he’ll last.

You both have a pretty decent rhythm going. You push yourself back against him, and his hand moves from your hip to your ass. You squeeze tighter on the hand that’s intertwined with yours. He kisses on the back of your neck and shoulders. You arch up into him.

“I love you, Harry.” You groan.

“I love you too, so fuckin’ much. Wanna be able to look at yeh, can we do that?”

“Yes.”

He pulls out so you can flip back over. You grab back at his hand so you can continue to hold onto it. He knows you really like this. His other hand slides up your torso, feeling every inch of your smooth skin. His hand rest gently on your throat, he doesn’t even tighten around you, he just wants it there. You wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer to you. He thrusts in deep and stay there so you can grind against him.

“Harry.” You moan. You were overly sensitive at this point, but he was so rock hard inside you, it felt amazing.

“C’mon baby, show me how you do it.”

You nails from your free hand dig into his bicep as your fourth release comes out in waves.

“Shit! Fuck!” You scream. You were completely drenched in sweat now. You felt like you were going to need another shower. “Harry, please.”

“Not done with yeh yet, my love.” You look up at him. What the hell was he trying to do to you? He kisses you hard as he moves his hips in circles.

“Mother of fuck!” You gasp.

“Yeah, you like it when I do that, huh?” You nod your head yes as he continues you stretching you out like this.

You’re down for the count when you feel your legs start to shake again and your back arches fully off the bed. He smirks watching your body writhe underneath him.

“Harry.” You breathe. “It’s too much.”

“Want me to come now?”

“Yes, please. Fill me up.”

He grins at you and squeezes tightly on your hand as he thrusts in and out of you. It doesn’t take much for him to come. The warmth from it all feels incredible. He pulls out once he’s done, and collapses next to you. Your mouth hangs open as you look at him. Your legs felt like jello. It was some intense love making to say the least.

“What was that all about?” You say, reaching for him. He lays his head on your chest.

“Just something maybe you’ll keep in the back of your head next time you flirt with some bartender to get free drinks.” He looks up at you with a smirk, and your jaw drops farther.

Oh he was good, really good. He was telling the truth when he said he missed you. But he didn’t want to make you come over and over just because you both were in a lovey mood. No, he wanted to teach you a lesson. To remind you he was always there, no matter what. That he was the only one worth giving the time of day to. That he was the only one that was ever going to make you feel this way. Well played Mr. Styles, well played.

[dacreshoney]

chapter 1 the new kid on the block

the days outfit | above |

chapter 1 of my new stranger things/billy Hargrove x reader series 

summary: The new kid on the block billy Hargrove, the two baddest kids in Hawkins catch each other eyes

warnings: flirting, swearing and actions some people may not agree with 

(I do not condone any behaviours)

read to find out more 

Recap: August 20th 1983 - senior Year, not like it mattered to me, I'd already missed the first week of what is said to be the most important year of my life. This was to hide the bruises and cuts my father decided to place me with this week, but If you asked Steve Harrington I missed school to avoid him after our summer hook up. Definitely not the case, but I'll let him fill his giant hair with a little more ego.you know, having the bad girl/popular persona at school always helped hiding the cuts and bruises, suppose that's why I like to play on the stereotype a little. Saves me explaining a whole lot of no good to the principle or the police; in which would do me a fat lot of no good as my dad is the chief of police. But today I needed to get myself out of bed and stop feeling sorry for myself if i ever want to get out of this shit hole, I needed an education.

7:00 am The sun started beaming through your window, the sunrise catching your eyes, you were always an early riser, but this morning you did not want to get out of bed and face the music of school. You dragged yourself out of bed and slogged your way to the bathroom to fix yourself up, you freshened your face and applied the days makeup. Nothing too dramatic but something which compliments your features, you made your way to your wardrobe where you grabbed your favourite black cropped sweater and khaki midi skirt to match with your dr marten boots and black backpack. Your hair wavy and tucked behind your eyes complimenting your chiselled face. 

You made your way downstairs in which your father was in the kitchen reading the Hawkins daily newspaper, he glared at you as you walked passed him in the Kitchen, expecting you To forget everything he had done the days previous. 

"stopped feeling sorry for yourself and actually going to make use of your life today are you" he mocked, edging for a sarcastic response 

in return you tried not to ease into his schemes and replied, turning on your heel To glare right back at him 

"don't you worry, you will still have a job by the time you get home today" you uttered with a slight smile coming from the left corner of your lip and made your way to fetch your car keys and headed out the door. You had a black alfa Romeo spider convertible, you turned the keys in the holder and headed towards heathers house, she was just as shocked to see you pick her up for school as well as Nancy and Barbara. 

“just tell me again why you decided to miss the first week of the most important year of school miss head cheerleader?” heather probed you with one arm lent onto the edge of the window, followed by Barbara who also questioned, 

“yeah, Steve has kinda been telling everyone you were trying to avoid him after he dumped you in the summer” barb giggled with the girls. 

you eyed them up in the mirror and responded with some annoyance, 

“ for a a matter of fact girls, I dumped his ass and two heather, had stuff to deal with” 

“you won't be saying that if you don't get into college Y/N”  Nancy vocalised in the back of the car

The girls then started to giggle as heather spoke, “just you wait till you see the new boy y/n,now that is someone I wouldn't mind taking my virginity and just walking away” and she followed, “ maybe someone to finally put you in your place and play you at your own game” she mocked.  You smirked and rolled your eyes at them in which you stated, 

“I would like to see the poor boy try” and laughed, the girls followed on to coo over the new kid, you really was not interested in boys after your recent fling with Steve Harrington, well you were interested in boys, but not for a relationship. You didn't mind playing them here and there, but you had decided that there would be no strings attached, your life was too crazy for anyone to handle. As you pulled up to school and found your parking spot, crowds of people entered the hallways as the bell rang. 

5 minutes late you were to class and Mr Hodge just had to call you out, you could just never catch a break with that man.

“late miss Y/N Johnson, and he followed with “nice to have you finally grace our presence” he spoke as the class looked up to find you at the doorway. You edged towards the desk and lent over in a flirtatious manner and stated

“ well hodge, just missed your face too much so of course I had to make an appearance for you” you smiled and walked to find your seat as he dismissed you, the class laughing. You saw a new face, one you hadn't seen before staring right at you smirking and licking his lips, this must be the new boy everyone has been gawking over. Billy Hargrove. 

“this seat taken?” you winked and questioned the boy, slumped on his chair legs spread in his tight denim jeans, he looked right up to you and cheekily responded with a wink right back, 

“well princess, you could sit of my lap or the chair, take your pick?” you knew he was a little heartbreaker just by his comment. You further added while taking the seat on the chair, 

“ sweetie, we've just met, don't get to big for your boots” 

“ill take my chances with you darling” he teased. 

Billy’s POV: this was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, she seemed cheeky as well, not afraid to say what's on her mind like the rest of the cat litter at this s*** hole of a school. He knew then he'd have to get to know her, maybe someone who would make his time in Hawkins a little more bearable. 

Y/N POV:

The class had begun, you started writing your notes and could feel like someone was watching your every move, every inch of your movements were being hawked on. You turned to face billy who you could feel eyeing you up and asked abruptly “so, you must be billy, explains why you feel the need to eye up anyone with a pulse, heard a little about you” 

Billy paused and smirked right at you and commented, “well all good things I hope, but judging by that I guess not sweetheart, so tell me, why has no one mentioned you?” 

“well” I turned to face him and implied, “because i’ll break your heart sweetie, should be happy you got no one telling you about who I am” . 

“already broken, besides I might break yours” he quickly responded licking his lips.

“already broken too, shame, I might of enjoyed breaking your heart Hargrove” I claimed, turning to face the front of class as mr hodge turned to face my direction and projected. “I hope you aren't distracting my class miss Y/N Johnson”

(BTW this is a sexual education class) 

“not at all sir, billy over here was a little confused about what circumsized meant, so I was giving him a little explanation” everyone in the class giggled and turned to face billy who turned bright red. never had someone pulled him up before, never mind a girl. 

“well aren't you a class A dick sweetheart”  he spoke

“ I am yes, get used to it billy boy” I smirked 

................................................

End of class came around fast, the bell had rung for break, you spent all the first few periods teasing billy, after the end of each lesson you would make sure he got an eyeful of your long legs and curves budging past his desks. 

“still not going to tell me your name princess?” he shouted as he packed up his things to leave, your turned to face him with a smile and lent over his desk whispering in his ear, 

“ it’s Y/N” and you walked off. 

................................................

Later that day was cheer practice, you were cheer captain and you had a lot of s*** to prepare for the schools champion league for the soccer and basketball team games. So you had a lot to prepare to get the team ready and geared up to support them teams and you couldn't deny it either, you looked good in a cheer uniform. 

The soccer team had finish practice and the basketball players were getting ready to enter the pitch, to your surprise you noticed the gorgeous permed blonde `come out from under the bleachers, ripped to the heavens he was in his tight khaki booty shorts. You carried on coaching your team, shooting and throwing commands for them to get their toe touches right when you heard a voice come right up to your behind and say 

“ I wouldn't mind you ordering me about princess” billy spoke as he was licking his lips bouncing the ball on the ground. 

“I'm sure you would like to be someones little bitch hargrove” you winked, the whole practice you made sure he had full view of you in your short cheer uniform, you're good at teasing. Also not to my liking Steve was on the basketball team, having a right good stare, he was not happy one bit with Elena flirting with the new kid. 

After practice billy approached you at your car, hands leaning on the roof of your car and asked, “hey sweetheart, how's about we go for a ride? you take your car home, I follow you and we go from there” 

“why do you thing I would one let you follow me home and two get into a car with you hargrove?” you joked with him, leaning on your car door. in which he answered, 

“well I know when a girl is into me so, thought id make the offer first” he smiled. 

I laughed, “confident and cocky, must think me to be like one of the other girls here then, to fall straight at your feet, think again pal” 

to your annoyance Steve interrupted with a bitter tone to his voice, “wouldn't go there mate, she will sleep with you and leave you hanging like her dirty washing” 

you both turned to face Steve, you shouted with a hint of anger in your voice, “really Steve, you are still hung up on that, come on” 

“stay clear if I was you” Steve followed

“just proving my point harrington” you laughed as you opened your car door and turned to face him. 

“and what's that huh?” Steve laughed, expecting you to come back with a s****y comment. 

“ that you are just a little boy and I don't need a little bit steve, I need a man” you claimed facing billy who was smirking the whole time, Steve waked off with his friends in a tantrum. 

“so that ride?” billy questioned 

“you still wanna be seen with me huh?” you smiled getting into your car, turning on the engine, and billy lent down to the window where you would then be face to face and said

“ you sure as hell I do”

“then lets go billy boy” 

[retphienix]

Ah. What a game this has been so far.

Now I had a million thoughts I wanted to share as this played out, lord knows I’ll forget a good portion of them but that’s the nature of my own ineptitude- plenty of things I’ll remember MILES after this post or only if prompted in a specific way and that’s just how it is.

To start- this isn’t the end of DQ11 for the blog just yet. I usually don’t dive into post game unless it feels right or people ask and I’m convinced- and more or less both happened this time. It does feel right- I have definite goals I want to tackle before saying I’m happy with what I did here- and more than one person has mentioned that the post game is worth touching so I’ll be doing that.

Also, for those unfamiliar with my long winded utter mess of a finale post style I go for- this is a lot of rambling as I try my best to touch on my thoughts on the game overall because I like to share. Feel free to just press “J” on your keyboard and skip right passed this- I know **I** struggle to focus my eyes to read long winded posts so I won’t blame you.

Also also, in order to try and spark some of those thoughts I had during this recording the first bit is gonna be me re-watching it as I wait on the video to finish processing and saying what comes up.

To start- really wish there was a save point there lol. I get that it’s a painfully easy backtrack to the save point at the start of the castle- but still, I like convenience.

The Dark Lord’s first form is a huge step up from his form before absorbing Yggdrasil and this first form fight was fun and had me itching to say some good things about it but honestly? I want to save praise for the fight that deserves it- phase 2.

PHASE TWO THOUGH!? GOD TIER RPG FIGHT.

I’ve seen better, sure, but come on, we’ve ALL seen better at all times on all things especially considering preferences coming into it- this was a 10/10 boss fight, top to bottom.

Design? Beautiful. Even continued the DQ obsession with puns with his tail being Mordragon, that is so PERFECT so ‘chef kiss’ flawless and it’s just a name. I LOVE how he looks. I LOVE how he moves around the arena changing which head you’re facing.

I love how each had different strengths to contend with (which I abruptly fucked up, don’t call me out, I’ll prove I know what was going on right here and right now-). The dragon had strong melee and breath attacks while the dark lord himself had magic aplenty.

I even utilized swapping out for the first time ever not because I hadn’t seen the value beforehand (I’ve spoken on how interesting a strategic option it was seeing as every unit has unique moves to bring to the table and it costs nothing but ATB for that unit to do).

Now, I fucked that up, but I did it purely because this is the first fight up to this point that felt right to do so. It’s the first time the tactical value of switching out to buff defenses with Hendrik outvalued ignoring that option and maintaining my ATB on whomever I would switch out. THAT FELT SO GOOD! And then I let my braindead fingers buff defense on a magic phase and you see the point. It was brilliant but I was not!

I did end up ignoring the option after a few turns not because the value wasn’t there, but because he ALSO spams stat neutralizing moves which made me reconsider focusing so heavily on buffs and instead focusing on maintaining steady heals (mostly with Hustle dance).

This fight? Beautiful. I loved every second of it. I loved adjusting my playstyle on the fly, I loved finding my footing. I just loved it.

Beyond that- the ending. I got a chuckle out of how abrupt the credits come in. It seems to wind up for an end sequence only for Erik to say “Well, let’s go home” and it cuts to the credits- but THEN the credits ARE the end sequence so it wasn’t ACTUALLY as abrupt as it seemed, but it got a laugh out of me.

Now those credit scenes? I’m a sucker for games that make you fall in love with the characters and this was an ending catering to those characters. Not too much to say outside of “I was smiling the entire time” which is true.

There were a couple moments in that sequence that I said aloud “JUST HUG HIM YOU COWARD” to various characters, like Hero and Rab, or the two dorks (hero and Gemma), etc.

And they played on the mystique of the post game’s content well enough to pull people in I’d say- certainly more than what I recall DQ8 doing with the dragon trials.

I am probably wrong, but I recall the game drawing next to no attention to that post game content aside from a few moments in the game dragging you to the location only to not let you access it (hinting at more being there).

Anyway.

Honestly, after rambling about the video itself I feel a lot of what I wanted to say about DQ11 was said during the playthrough just fine. I rarely feel that way.

DQ11 was fun.

As a DQ fan, you can best believe I had fun.

As a stick in the mud who is disillusioned toward the game industry and doesn’t like a lot of the filth that accumulates within it- I obviously have a few negative thoughts on the game, but there really aren’t perfect games so much as perfect experiences based on how it affected you.

And I’ve voiced those annoyances plenty I think. For completion sake there are cut corners on animations that seem off when other places have a ton of attention to detail, that’s like bottom rung “I don’t actually give a shit” stuff though.

The bigger problems were Sugiyama is a horrible piece of human garbage and the game is lesser because of his influence on it. There are plenty of reasons behind that both big and small. Big- it feels gross having a human shitsack touching this game after having been so vocal for years- there are replacements at the ready and we still have his LGBT hating, war crime denying fingers handling the music? Shameful.

Small (but man did it fucking suck) being that every five minutes I was annoyed at the music in this game. It sounds Bad. And I mean both orchestral and midi, it’s not great compared to anything he made before for DQ, but the fact that it’s midi in this is EAR BLISTERING.

I’m not one to listen close to most music while playing for whatever reason- and I admit that knowing who’s responsible is half of why my ears tuned it in instead of tuning it out, but man I couldn’t help it and it sucks.

The same 3 second ear rattling loops are ALL OVER THE PLACE. Grandiose moments are cut short by bland midi tunes. MAIN STORY MOMENTS ARE LACKING MUSIC ALTOGETHER FOR SOME REASON? When the hero gets the flute and plays it for the first time it just DIDN’T MAKE A NOISE? Subsequent uses of the flute made a noise, but not the main first cutscene?

It’s a whole thing.

And don’t make me get that dirty capitalist pain in my chest over the fact the S version was released 2 months after this and includes so much content that SCREAMS “This already existed and we diced and quartered it specifically to create the illusion of ‘value’ for this release”. Disgusting, man. :/

Gameplay wise, the biggest complaint I have is so loaded and half hearted but I have to say it anyway.

DQ is good because it’s simple.

DQ can also be a little lacking because it’s simple.

This was the second most fun I’ve had playing a main series DQ game (DQIII just hits right), and it definitely has better gameplay (so my opinion is subjective) than the one I prefer to this. But it was also a bit too simple... But you can’t change that and be DQ, it’s complicated.

To just say it- other than the final boss every encounter was a bit too easy. And I know I overlevel, I know that’s the point, I know there’s a hard mode modifier- I KNOW, but the final boss was REALLY GOOD AND still not too hard, so the fact that most every other encounter did the minimum or the minimum +1 is a little tiny (just a bit) disappointing because the gameplay could have been that much better.

But. That could just be my head spinning tales and being a biased asshole especially since I’m not offering any solution here and I’m admitting it’s both “better than my favorite gameplay in the main series” and “probably can’t be made more involved without losing DQ simplicity”.

But I’d kill for some different or new systems on top of this- dual and triple techs from Chrono instead of RNG pep, bosses with more varied strategies instead of “stun 2-3 and do raid wide attack”.

A reason to care about elemental damage (both incoming and outgoing), plenty of little things that would just make the already solid as hell combat more interesting to participate in.

Story was honestly fantastic. I didn’t know how I was going to end that until I just let it come. It was. This is the best DQ story thus far, and not to limit it to that scope- this was a GOOD DAMNED STORY overall and I’ve played a fuckload of games with good stories.

Before this I was a sucker for the original trilogy’s overarching story, which is unfair because that’s 3 games and that’s an old story and it’s only “good” because it’s unprecedented. But this is just plain great.

It writes such beautiful characters- it tackles a variety of conflicts both big and small- you have Sylv and his dad, you have a possessed king declaring his daughter Jade dead and Jade knowingly betraying him without knowing he’s possessed, you have Erik giving up on life and only putting himself so deeply into this adventure as a means of escape, you have Hendrik’s loyalty being- I can’t pretend Hendrik fits in he’s fucking stupid and needs to ask questions because loyalty for the sake of loyalty isn’t interesting at all lol.

You have Rab believing the world is doomed and doing all he can with Jade up until they find you are alive. You have the INCREDIBLE story of Veronica and Serena- you have all these intensely lovable and understandable characters (and Hendrik) and the story is so much more about them than just about the dark lord and the hero.

It’s so much more about each of their conflicts and growth because all of that is HOW the hero will defeat the dark lord.

It’s just so much more... investing than any of the stories I’ve had in DQ before and strong as hell amongst stories beyond just DQ.

I loved this. It was emotional at times, it was downright depressing at times which I wouldn’t expect DQ to successfully hit, it was downright rewarding getting to know these characters and I feel fantastic having beaten this.

This game is fucking good. I finally understand why some people have told me this is their favorite DQ now. It... yeah I think it might be mine too.

I’d be much more likely to revisit DQ3 than this because it’s shorter and has a specific kind of RPG (class based with freely recruited partners instead of named party members) I find more fun to revisit, but yeah, I think I agree.

I think for main-series DQs this is it, this is my favorite. It has to be, right? It’s got so many INCREDIBLE story moments and it’s pretty and it plays great- yeah. Hell, Sylvando as a character and Serena and Veronica’s arc BY THEMSELVES convince me of that.

Still got nothing on DWM and DWM 2 on the GBC, WOOOOT! Didn’t expect this post to divert from a serious closing thoughts (despite there being a few more posts to come) topic to posting this did you?

Behold the true faces of DQ perfection.

[songwritingtipsandtricks]

To be, or not to be a songwriter transcript

Hello and welcome everyone again, to a new episode of Songwriting Tips and Tricks. My name is Kieper, and I am really excited to talk to you again today. Thank you so much for the reviews and messages you send to me in the last weeks. If you like the show so far, please consider sharing it with friends that could benefit from it and leave a review on whatever platform you are using.

In the last episode, we've been talking about songwriting while at home during the corona pandemic and a possible lockdown. This time, however, I want to focus more on what a songwriter, in fact, is. Are we modern-day poets? Are we, full-fledged musicians or are we authors? Playwrights to some degree perhaps? What do the lines that we write really mean in context?

Maybe some of you ask themselves what art they are producing. And to be honest, I ask this question most of the time. I mean from a literature point of view, we are developing plots, we are searching for rhymes and words and maybe even look for the meter. On the other hand, as musicians, we try to make the lyrics fit the melody and meter of the music that was composed by us or others, or we are trying to find a suitable melody to words we have written. So what really is a songwriter?

One could argue that songwriters are modern-day poets. But this definition is somewhat limited. Because as songwriters, we do what feels right to us, and fits the music. We do not count the meter rigidly or know about iambs, dactyls or anything else. Another thing is that most of us write about day-to-day life. This sure is something to write about, yet it means that a lot of other issues are not being touched by songs. Many songwriters, think about marketing too early and write what might attract an audience. But that is not art, is it? I mean, you could be paid to write a song about something, but the most powerful songs are those that are inspired by things that happen to you or you observe. These songs also cover things that were not in the spotlight or only had little media coverage.

So if you are an aspiring songwriter, what would you chose to do? Would you like to write songs that are empowering people and have topics and viewpoints that no one else uses, or would you like to be someone creating standard pop songs that will be lost over the centuries, decades, or years? Because it is not those that do things like the rest that stand out, but those that dare to do something different. Perhaps when you are writing your next song, try to write about something else except love. Maybe you are familiar with Emily Dickinson, who was a famous American poet from the 19th century. Her poems got published only after her death, so she never got any credit for it in her life. She wrote about her experiences, and often time her thoughts on death and the life that follows. As a woman, she was not allowed to neither vote nor did she had access to a proper education. She was not religious or spiritual in any way. And despite all this, she kept writing and kept around 2000 poems hidden in a chest in her room. She wrote about everything that inspired her, not thinking about how to market it or how to put it on Spotify. Now you might argue, alright, there was no Spotify or anything like it at that time. You're right, and to make it worse, as a woman, it was appreciated to publish anything or have a perspective on things. But poetry was her life, so she kept writing but to save the reputation of the family, she never published anything herself.

I would call this dedication to art. If you want to have an insight into some poetry of this great poet, head over to Tumblr and search the blog to this podcast, as this month is the month of Dickinson on Songwriting Tips & Tricks.  

So songwriters are poets in a way, as we write poems in a way. But as I mentioned before, we need to find original topics to write about or incorporate to stand out and not just be one more songwriter. The most natural approach is to read poetry. Really do it every day. Ranging from ancient greek or roman poetry to modern-days there is tons of poetry or writings from philosophers that might ignite a spark of some sort and get you off that beaten track. Be the one songwriter in a room at open mic nights, that has read the most poetry and consequently has songs that carry something more. You will know how poetry works and how to build tension. Don't let the music do that, it hardly ever will do the trick on its own.

Are we authors? Well, in a way yes, as songwriters try to write a coherent story with different protagonists, and various narrative approaches. If you need more insight on this, listen to the episode "Wait, who's talking' to hear more about narrative situations. But most beginner songwriters do not think about structuring their songs beforehand. They just start writing.  Which is good of course, as we need to start somewhere. But have a look at famous songs, there is a clear structure in the plot. I am not talking about the verse, chorus or bridge, but about the introduction, central part, and the closure. It bears a close resemblance to novels sometimes. But we do not have 500 pages to get to the end, instead just 3 1/2 minutes until the end, or a minute to get to the chorus. So it is essential to know what to say when. People will need to understand immediately what the story is about and what to expect, even if the theme is new to them. Still, it is essential to surprise them at any part of the song. Structure your plot before and while you are writing. Try using a mindmap or a storyboard to help you structure. Try to know that character in detail, how she moves, how she looks, what sound her snore has and so forth. Try to find inspiration in people around you. Maybe let her say a phrase that your co-worker in your sideline in a fast-food restaurant says or have hair like a person on the train. Basing story upon facts from reality is a potent mechanism to make a story relatable. You could as well chose traits of characters from your favourite film or tv-series to adapt in your songs.

Are we playwrights? Well, that is a tough question, in combination with the previous question, I would say to some degree we are, but only while writing the song. We direct when a character is to appear and what it does. Adding the music, this is a lot more relevant. We need to know, at what point what part of the story is suited best, if the music does fit at all. You might as well want to put your favourite book or film into a song. Then it is crucial to strip it down to the key-concepts to make it fit the time frame. And when I say time-frame, this is a part that authors are less concerned with. We know that we have limited time to tell our story and we know when a change in the music happens and how it sounds. So perhaps think of yourself not as a playwright but as a songwright, as you are focussed on auditive input rather than visual input. The song is our stage, and we need to know what has to happen when, why and how.

So turning over to music. Are we musicians? Well, yes, of course. This is what got us started on songwriting in the first place, wasn't it? But think about your music education, have you been taught traditionally, or did you learn most of the stuff yourself? If you know how to play your instrument, do you play other instruments as well? Do you know music theory by heart or do you need to google all the times? Did you play in a band or know about arrangement through YouTube or other sources? How solid is your music background really? This is a question that bugs me most of the time. I taught myself how to play the guitar, and I have been singing my whole life, but I always doubt my musicianship. I'm binge-watching music theory fundamentals and teach myself other instruments to close these blank spaces that a traditional education would not have left perhaps. I even bought a midi drum set to work on micro timing with apps like melodics and co. Yes, we are musicians, but at what stage of our musical journey we are is in our own hands. It is essential to learn new things every day. If you don't, you will get frustrated. So consider taking half an hour each day to learn music theory, listen to intervals, learn fancy chords and songs that use it. Listen to new music even. Dare to make your own set of rules and break it again. This is how you grow, both in music and in writing.

So next time, when you are writing a song, use a random song and try to use the chord progression or time signature, combine songs and styles, take as much input from other as you can. Because this way, your music will always be different, but still yours. Your music will be instantly more exciting and attract audiences as it incorporates a lot of genres and styles.

So now let us talk about something, I am raving about. Painting pictures with words really is in the domain of poets, but try to imagine for a second that you were an artist and you have a blank canvas in front of you. Where would you start? What colour would you use? And in the end, what picture do you see in front of your inner eye? What should this picture invoke in the mind of an audience? Pictures might tell more than a thousand words, but the right or wrong words in context could meet or destroy expectations. Try to describe as vividly as possible, shed light on detail that was previously hidden. Dare to be the Picasso that paints melting clock. Try to be irrational in the creation and later judge what you've done. Dare to take bold turns. The song is yours, and if you do not want to share it with anybody, put it in a box like Dickinson did.

So much on what we as songwriters are. Do you have another comparison or idea, that could touch the work of songwriters? Don't bother sending any feedback or opinion you have via Facebook, Instagram, Wordpress or Tumblr. I'll gladly reply and perhaps talk about this in the next episode.

If you like the program, I'd really appreciate, if you rate and review the show or episode on the platform you are listening to right now.

Thank you again for tuning in once more and staying tuned on Songwriting Tips & Tricks.

[blazehedgehog]

Why do MIDI's sound unpleasant to listen to?

I mean, they don’t have to. There are instances where MIDIs can sound kind of nice.

The original PC version of Final Fantasy VII came with a software MIDI synthesizer called the Yamaha XG50. Yamaha, of course, was a top name in the music synthesizer business and this was a very nice wavetable MIDI synthesizer. They also sold the Yamaha XG100 separately for even greater fidelity. The XG software would essentially take standard MIDIs, but allow you to define additional effects that MIDI traditionally could not support.

Final Fantasy VII’s PC MIDI soundtrack came with two versions – one for GM (General MIDI) and one for the XG. Above is the XG50, which adds effects like reverb that MIDIs normally could not have.

And it wasn’t just for Final Fantasy VII, once you installed their Yamaha XG MIDI software, all MIDIs in Windows would be routed through it, making them all sound nicer. How music sounded playing through the XG50 is what started getting me in to playing around with MIDIs and “remastering” them in FL Studio.

Really, it just sort of highlights what is wrong with MIDIs – it’s an old format. As music synthesis evolved over time, it evolved ways to insert more complex effects. Not just reverb, but flange and distortion, things like that. PC MIDis never really got that without installing something like the Yamaha XG software. But other MIDI formats on other platforms did.

Like, let’s take Final Fantasy X on the Playstation 2. A lot of that game’s soundtrack is MIDI!

But I don’t mean it’s compatible with a Windows MIDI player system. I mean it’s MIDI in the sense that it is NOT a digital recording, it is a sequence of programmed notes being played through software. Since Square-Enix can write their own player software, they added features like controllable reverb and all those other effects I just talked about. Similar things were done all the way up until the Nintendo Wii – though a game like Super Mario Galaxy uses some digital recordings of live orchestras, a number of its songs are just MIDIs.

But traditional MIDI files in Windows just don’t have access to any additional effects, or in most cases, even more robust instrument packs. They’re extremely limited as a format.

Windows MIDIs nowadays are usually played back with the default Windows soundfont. A soundfont is a collection of instrument sounds (”patches” they’re called) all collected together to fit the MIDI standard. So for example, patch 01 is always going to be piano. Patch 30 is always an overdrive guitar. Patch 80 is always an ocarina, so on and so forth. Different soundfonts will use different samples for their instruments to get different types of sound, so an ocarina in one soundfont won’t sound like an ocarina in another soundfont.

MIDIs and soundfonts and all of this is actually way more complex than this, and there’s way more history to this stuff, but consider this is a crash course.

The soundfont used in Windows is I believe based on a Roland SC55. That’s from 1991, one year after the Super NES launched. The MIDI format in general was invented in 1981. So all of this stuff is positively ancient and was never updated to support more complexity. By 1998, when the PC version of Final Fantasy VII released with its Yamaha XG50 software to spruce up MIDI playback, formats like MP3 were starting to gain traction. The advent of the CD-ROM meant that digital audio recordings were becoming more and more possible.

Quake and Half-Life had CD audio tracks burned on to the disc, but games like Jurassic Park: Trespasser embedded their digital soundtracks in to the install files. It was way less important to update the MIDI format when you could bypass it entirely with significantly higher quality music (at significantly larger file sizes, mind you, but as is always the case, game developers will fill every storage medium you give them and still ask for more).

So the MIDI format struggled to grow or evolve or anything. They pretty much are limited to only being used in music production and composition now. And while software like FL Studio can still technically save a Windows .mid file I don’t think that specific file type gets tons of use anymore. Like if I’m saving a project file in FL Studio, it’s as a .flp, not a .mid.

(That being said, very glad that resources like vgmusic.com are still up and running and that people are still posting new MIDIs to this very day – it’s a bit like how there are people still shooting videos on old camcorders for the aesthetic purposes)

Now the real interesting thing here is that very recently MIDI 2.0 was officially announced. From what I understand, it will be a significant enhancement to the MIDI protocol. Instead of relying on a user’s soundfont for instrument samples, the samples themselves can instead be embedded in to the MIDI file itself, sort of like an Impulse Tracker file back in the day. But there will be way more control and way higher fidelity everything wrapped around that, like being able to set positional audio within the notation itself – like surround sound, basically.

I think I read somewhere that one of the intended goals with MIDI 2.0 is they wanted it to sound indistinguishable from a digital recording? Which sounds wild, but it’s nice to see the format evolving, and it sounds like a lot of new features are being added for people who use MIDI for things besides music (I believe some animatronic robots use MIDI to help program and synchronize their movement).

But yeah, no, standard MIDIs are just old, that’s all. It’s a 30+ year old format that stayed exactly the way it was for almost that entire time.

[manjehaal]

Hi! Cisco for the ask

Thanks @veroocasanova!

Favorite thing about them: There are so so so many amazing things about Cisco that I could say, but what I love so much is his selfless dedication to his friends. Despite how many times he has been betrayed and let down by the people closest to him, he still turns around and offers them his help and friendship. The way he treats each Harrison Wells is very telling, but my ultimate favorite display of his pure selflessness is in season 3 concerning Caitlin and Killer Frost. 

Least favorite thing about them: First of all, I love everything about Cisco Ramon. This critique is aimed at the people who write him more recently, not at Cisco as a character. Really, because my issue is that they aren’t making him CISCO enough. They have really toned down the part of him that I love so much which I explained above. They don’t give him enough screen time but expect us to believe in his relationship that developed offscreen and his decision to get rid of his powers which I still think was completely out of nowhere. But anyway, I don’t want to start a rant though...soo...

I love Cisco Ramon. They need to give us Cisco Ramon. 

favorite line: So this line here is the moment I became Cisco Ramon trash, okay. The reason? My first ever favorite fictional character was Anakin Skywalker, and Cisco is on-screen comparing himself to that person. I relate to so many fictional characters and Anakin was a big part of my life. So knowing that Cisco relates to the same character instantly made me adore him. 

“It's like right now I'm Anakin Skywalker. I got the midi-chlorians. I've got the goods. The force is strong with me. That is something I can feel, but if I start opening breaches into other worlds, doing all this other crazy stuff Reverb was doing, then... what if this is how I become Vader?” ... “ You don't know that. That is what happened to Reverb. He learned how to use his abilities, and when he felt that, when he felt that power, he succumbed... to the dark side. “

brOTP: Cisco and Barry

OTP: Killervibe (Cisco and Caitlin)

nOTP: I’m not a huge fan of Cisco and Kamilla. I just don’t see chemistry there. 

Random Headcanon: Cisco adores cats. I mean, we have evidence with all the cat shirts and his pillowcase (I think it was a pillowcase???!). But if his apartment would allow it he would have it FULL with cats. He’s the kind of person who wouldn’t be able to resist and would have no self-control whenever he makes contact with a stray. 

Though Cisco and puppies would be amazing too. 

Unpopular opinion: I didn’t really like him as Reverb, but I LOVED him as Echo. 

Song I associate with them: A LOT. 

I have a whole playlist actually. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/48tLHB2jteS8w01901yAjH?si=rTjzDFpFRZ6YfmF2ofO3zQ

Favorite picture of them: Not this picture specifically cause I can’t find the one I want, but basically any image from this episode is perfect. He’s so smiley. 

Original post: https://mushroom-cookie-bears.tumblr.com/post/166924652731/send-me-a-character-and-ill-list-favorite-thing

[eekispyykes]

Mr Sparklepuff Feline Obituary 5.1.2020/Abridged

Mr Puffs 4-2002-  5-1-2020

by Michael Bench

Mr Puffs was an excellent friend and adventurous hiker. He loved to be outdoors. A ferocious mouser ; he did an arc'ing jump on mice and chipmunks from 2 clumps of brush away. The porch frankly stank from all his gifts. An amazing climber and very fast sprinter crossing a square acre in about 3.5sec. Some would ask why he was named as such and close friends know the whole story. A primary point was so people had a good vibe about him and would let him be. In the past two years  he had cancer of the face that spread. He had been treated with surgery to remove the tumor. At a shade over 18yo, he set to rest as every night he was shivvering in normal home temp and couldn't keep weight on; refusing to leave the couch; hating being put in pet clothes/infant flannel.

2017-2020 were tough years for him adjusting to a new stray friend we “adopted” from the wild. They were startingn to get along. It played into the stress.I feel bad about this. it split us up somewhat.  My younger cat was more forceful about claiming me. It weighs on me; Frankly it seemed like a few rape attempts also that difficulted the social cue of ‘normal cat spooning”.. Mr Puffs was able to get out on a van ride of Fogelsville,PA about three months ago. He also gave some love to his plush hedgehog toy. He gave it a consensual drilling every once a while or daily.

What you should know about Mr Puffs:

:My grilling deputy  and trout inspector

:Loved to play the mysterious thing under blanket or newspaper game

:Love to play the mysterious tapping fingers under the many basement stairs game

:Fine taste in music and loved being my karaoke fan. Love you buddy. Not very keen on Tv after Keenan Michael Keys left Animal  Planet's morning show.

:Enjoyed less usual faire like potatoes and adored bbq chicken pizza; he could handle medium wings. He WAS WARNED each time and kept him away from it till it was obvious he wanted it. Honey ham, turkey, .. and salami**. Mind you, he has never been overweight and was complimented by his first vet for muscle tone. It's his compliment to own.

:Enjoyed jumping apartment building gaps while in town: we had to rough it for a month in a storage facility after an unexpected eviction.. which we then would go for walks 1a-3a to get his exercise and water the landscape mulch at 11th street Fred Meyers. There's a little marsh back behind the store that became our little daytime haven.

:His Hiking career started in Eugene, OR. We would go night walking ,w/o a leash and whenever someone was coming he would detour off the sidewalk and into the nearest house’s bushes.. This was optimal because he would get back on the lit sidewalk and learn to keep course. This advanced to 5-7 mile hikes from U Oregon campus to Hendrix park and back. One trip such trip he was panting so he didn’t really want to run away anywhere or into traffic fortunately.. The sun had come out of the cloud cover and heated things up above the usual. We stopped at an icecream place on the way back on the edge of campus: Agate and 19th. Even though he was tired, he was a smart and collected guy. so he slinked to the back of the shop till I came back out..It was like escorting the supermodel of manly cats.  It was at this time I knew leashes or more distant locations were necessary.  

:While we were driving back to Pennsylvania, he decided to have a playfrenzy on the dashboard while I was in heavy traffic nearabouts of Nebraska/Rushmore on the interstate.

:Short story : Since he now had room in the yard to runaround Puffs tested his speed and momentum to get up tree trunks. Our front yard had a medium sized maple oak something. Mr Puffs ran up the tree and alarmed a family of nesting doves. The doves and Mr Puffs seemed to flee the tree foilage each in horizontal directions at about 8ft off the ground.  

:Other than a shoulder injury from a fight of somesort, he was very durable. His parent's owners had coined him 'Jaco” after the famous bass player.. A green -eyed Russian Blue tuxedo, angular white paws.  with little white hairs across his coat. At times I also referred to him as “Cactus Jack”. Massive front incisors like a miniature sabertooth. I pitied the rabbits who he caught which were still squealing.

:Another Short Story. I coaxed my mom to live a little and put that front addition on the house she always wanted. She got an enclosed porch. Theres an open porch on the back of the house also. When the framing was done.. I went out to the backyard to enjoy the night sky, I heard nothing. When I turned around I had two bright eyes scaring me  to the ground. From 9ft, the top of the roof porch he looked at me Apparently Puffs had climbed the 8ft of framing from the work table, crossed the rafters, crossed the whole house roof and decided to voyeur me on the other side of the house. I was very glad he didn't tempt the electric lines whose pole he had tried to climb other days.Stressing moments on me as well.

:Puffs became a pro at taking baths since 2017, and getting nails trimmed at the same time. The trim helped him jump (getting pad purchase)  and helped the furniture too.

:Another quick story. Cats can swim. I took him to go swimming in the creek and that went pretty good the first time. (Must always be on leash. And probably use partially inflated swimmy muscle). He was really comfortable in the water if it was shallow(2.5ft). The problem with the creek is its near a road so don't be near roads even with the leash on.  He was swimming a good crawl in about 4ft.  A fish mustve brushed his foot because he panicked and started jumping out of the water like a bass on a hook. I literally had to swing him in the air (with leash) and onto the shore into some leaves and grass. There's some fault in not being close enough to him to pick him up out of the water directly. He swam pretty good and at range.  To ease that trauma.. (nearly heart attack probably; that went sour) , I let him calm down. At a much shallower area no taller than his knees(5-6”) I set him into the stream without much resentment and just petted him to get him calm.  (He wasn't a lap cat before that either.) At that point the swimming  got shuttered for downhill walks and other casual stuff.

: On similar climbing points.. even till about 2015, he liked to jump the gap from the upright piano top (4ft) to the top of the entertainment center (7.5 ft) plus the hallway gap of  3.5 ft and he was really solid at it. Would stay up there for a while and then jump down onto the sofa table (3 ft tall).. He was always calculating a new feat. When that one item stopped being in his wheelhouse it was clear he was getting bothered/ annoyed and the stress of a cat territory issue wore him down.

If you were to be near him, you'd end up watching him. This statue of a male cat with really long tail. Not lemur-long but really long.. a gray panther. And, maybe you'd try to pet him since he looked inviting. Yet, you wouldn't get much petting done. He'd probably tolerate two brushes and then give your hand a carving with his claws, hiss at you and find a new place to observe the room,  That said, he would cruise the neighborhood looking which apartment I might've visited, slink in and check out how other people decorated. A very dignified personality, sometimes to the point of indignant.  He was  a cat you'd want to clone over and over because he was just that cool on himself. Cloning him was on the slate too until those type of businesses were closed with political force.. He actually inspired a jazz song  (currently in midi form) that I’ve yet to record. I was tore up about his first cancer surgery so I started writing. Hope that will be out soon enuff. I hope this can help you appreciate Mr Puffs. He was buried at a spot he chose. It was nearby a set of brush he would choose to hide in hours near the middle of  hikes.

.. he loved to hide.  Back in Oregon I'd take him  in the van with my mentally handicapped clients. He'd be set loose to get his relaxation in. By the time it was time to leave. he wanted to stay. He hid in bushes and culverts. I learned very quickly that such outings had to be local or I'd be driving back hours to go get him at night or worse. Once I knew that, we'd take rides on the bus to the edges of the bus line and just chill on hills overlooking boating lakes. Fern Ridge Reservoir had a nice pine overlook off Territorial hwy.  He really enjoyed outings and variety. Maybe thats what kept him interested as a matter of longevity. I want to end on that.  He showed me lessons in best intentions and good in the bad.. and murdering all my Egyptian spiny mice within hours of acquiring them and their replacements. Its not like I wouldn't have gotten him a feeder mouse but there were plenty stinking up the walkway as it was. I'm blessed to have spent that month sheltered in a renta-shed with him. It seems the alternative .. without having enough for a pet deposit elsewhere (that moment) was to lower my standards for the landlords daughter and by whatever 'influence' she had. 'evicted us for periodic renovations”. So, eventually we chose instead to leave and he got a brims of fieldmice, chipmunks and forest romping. I hope that was an appreciated choice. He liked city life too. Should you choose to tribute to Mr Puffs, I welcome it. He’d be the type of cat Dos Equis beer would be looking for if he actually drank it.

Hope you’re feeling better, Puffs; BFF 

[jimmynames]

5

took me long enough.. 

I don’t know why I put this off, I was meant to write something along these lines on the 4th of July as I have done religiously for the last 4 years before.. but something felt different this year.. I feel different tbh.. where to start..

I guess from right now to as far close as the 4th as I can remember.. It’s been an incredible year.. I’ve learnt a lot, both in code and my self but now also music.. I’m growing and have grown as a person, man, individual.. it cost me some friends and even some shame along the way but tbh can’t change anything and it made me who i am today so /shrug emoji lol It’s odd this ‘growing up’ thing.. so many constraints implied by society as to what a 29 (now) (was 28 when i shoulda wrote this) man should be doing with his life.. thankfully I feel writing this now more so than say the 4th aligned with ideals within myself as to what maturity is and what I want rather than should be doing.. I guess I have a lot to say =} 

I love you Dad, I miss you so much, it’s so cruel that I carry on growing and you can’t see it - althuogh I do believe you are watching, with your signs and whatever else idk could be a cope but still.. I am your son.. I feel it.. I see it.. I know it and it’s a wonderful feeling - to grow into the shadow and shine to cast my own in the image of yourself but inherently through my own agency and digression - myself. Quite the model to follow so thankyou with all my heart. Still looking forward to dying.. even completed the fucking motorbike mission but as it so happens I wasn’t as reckless as I intended and didn’t die - but instead I was safe and found a real desire to live.. sentiments remain about the alure of death but it’ll come in good time no doubt :D

This will, and happiness it’s the result of the past years work. I moved home around September and embarked on so many changes it’s unreal actually lol.. I lost mates, I started therapy.. I made some mistakes and I took accountability.. I discovered what real friendship is and who my real friends are.. still pains me to think of some friends who might not be friends but everyone’s human and as jeff said, a bitch ass ni***a so gotta account for people’s weaknesses as much as you consider their strengths.. jsut wish those that wronged me would consider the same for myself but we stay moving.. 

Therapy was amazing.. first I saw Kirsten and whilst she was good Laura really was the one.. shoutout the NHS.. processing some stuff and even just having a healthcare professional acknowledge my pain was theraputic.. 

I bought a motorbike and fixed it up.. proper took it apart, repaired , painted, put back together and then had the pleasure of speeding around and doing missions, cruises and what not all this year.. it was a sick project and an unforgettable journey.. there’s no cmd+z on a motorbike that’s all im saying.. it was sick to go from 0 to hero lol but like have an idea and execute it.. I do believe this is my power - execution and tennacity.. 

I told myself from the 1st of janurary 2020 i would label myself as an artist in whatever form or shape that takes.. I could of done nothing and I would still hold this true.. and I’m glad I did because I guess I started making art.. What’s cool is in doing so.. I starting producing more work, both in music and graphics.. I found myself friends and in circles I’d only ever consumed via soundcloud.. I even got invited to join a art crew and travelled to berlin to hang out with some artists.. shoutout n0_ZoN3 for real for real based group of people who aint into PC culture.. low key refreshing btu still decent human beings.. 

Erm so music =}}} I got into Hong Kong Radio!! Had dj collectives from around the world hit me up for mixes and made some super cool friends and connections.. started studying music theroy and even had a respectable musican say he’s seeing growth and musicality from myself in each and every release so that’s exciting.. I didn’t even know the word ‘musicality’ until then.. in the past year I kinda grounded myself.. I’m not a DJ I’m not a producer.. so don’t act like one :D but also I’m jsut a guy who has decks and knows some basics about ableton :)) and that’s al there is to it.. I share what I make when I feel proud of it and I stay learning.. we’ll see how far I get but tbh it’s not like ‘i uave to do this’ lol it’s just something im pationate about :) I’m sooo hapy and glad I got into it FINALLLY fuck sake james.. silly boy.. either way I’m a man now and all I can say is I’m discovering my sound through making beats and songs and I’m excited for the next year.. plan on getting piano lessons and just dedicating more time to it.. especailly when im living on my own omg.. just finishing work and spinning the decks no one else.. jsut you and the vibe.. yeah dreamy stuff.. and all of this ALL of this.. 

is soley possible because of CODE. my god. how grateful I am for it and myself for makign this deicison and begingin this path of learning and ‘development’’... it’s amazing how much it’s all entertwined.. everything.. from inception and conceptuation and delivering dreams into reality which seeps into that of other realsm like music and the motorbike. 

okay so i spent the last two nights refactoring my code on my personal site as a means of exercising some redux knowledge - and I was successful :D feels so good to have had enough eureka moments at least to get some basics down.. just need a few more xp’s and should have it on lock.. fuck july 2019 was so long ago.. I built a VR world for a mix to celebrate one year in music.. should really record 2nd year soon :thinking-face: maybe new vr world :thinking-face: built some sites for businesses both indivudally and also as part of Verlay which is myself, Jacob and Jeff and Ari as consultant either way im running out of time becfore the year ends.. 

I’m happy

life is good

life is life

life is pain

I wrote some poems

I made some songs

I mixed some mixes

I fixed a bike

I moved home

I healed

I reconnected

I natured

I quit smoking

I became clean from drugs

I went to therapy

I swam every day for a while

I started the gym

I ate a lot

I grew up?

I got into skincare

I got into sleep

Im still me

I started telling people my name was james 

i fell out with some friends

I made a lot of new friends

Im moving to glasgow

I’m excited for the future

like really excited..

like I can’t believe how lucky and happy I am

I miss you Dad so much more than words can evoke

I got closer with alex

I helped my siblings and i grew closer with my mum

2021

redux on lock

nick mills’ website

verlay ramp up efforts x deliverables

travel scotland

get full bike licence

get my own place

gym x gains

three.js

more react

more organisation

more chords

more midi

more music

more freedom

more self

more love

more life

shoutout the real ones

love to the closest and dearest 

fuck the haters <3

[myfriendpokey]

futures market

(ed. note: stephen died while writing this, may his sinful heart now rest in peace)

I think that every work implies an audience, i think that projected audience will be perpetually dreamlike and strange since it's drawn not from human consciousness but from a form of same which has been distorted through embodiment in alien material. Refracted by some "medium" and then existing as a transferable, reproducible object and living an object life separable from the human circumstances by which it was produced. And I think that when we evaluate a work part of what we evaluate is this audience and the prospect of belonging to it, the possibility of a community with those assumptions and those values. The saying "give people what they want" always confuses me in this context because surely part of what they want is the possibility of wanting something else, of being a person who wants something else. Advertisements famously sell not just a product but also the prospect of being the kind of person who likes that product. Even the most conservative works pull a bait and switch in this regards in that part of what they suggest is the prospect of being a person who already knows what they want, of having character and qualities that persist in time rather than being a shapeless blob of experiences.

Avant-garde work could be said to be that which prioritises the formation of new audiences, or the possibility of forming new audiences, above any actual qualities which those audiences would have. It draws on the utopian aspect of creating new social structures, new communities, where whatever form they ultimately end up taking the fact that they can be made at all is in some way a celebration of agency and the possibility of new futures. But the other side of things is that even as the appeal of these imaginary communities comes partly from their distance from our real ones, they're also evaluated on the basis of their feasibility - their power comes not just from a list of bloodless alternities but from possessing a transformative quality, the real possibility of enactment which is used to make demands on the contemporary. Not just a future but one already germinating in the present. And though I like and respect a lot of these works it's also hard, for this reason, not to feel a little uneasy about them - because the imagery of an imminent, transfigurative break from the present has been so co-opted as a way to conceal the fundamental limitations and eerie inertia of capitalism that I think it's hard for anything drawing on that tradition to escape lending credibility to it, even when its interests are directly opposed. 20+ years of an increasingly threadbare neoliberal consensus  in the face of problems which grow more and more obvious mean the notion of an unexpected, miraculous shift in the causal order grows more and more central, from the vague sense that someone will invent, like, a moss or something which will stop global warming in the nick of time to the idea that the same clumsy, stupid videogames we've been bonking against invisible walls in for decades now will any minute now transmogrify into the effortless freefloating virtual lucid dreams of legend. And in fact videogames provide a constant running example of just how profitably this perception can be managed - - from a medium which from inception built upon a certain futuristic quality coming both from the historically new level of consumer access to computer technology and from decades of science-fiction representations of same, and which leveraged that into a perennial suggestion that the bright new day was always just around the corner - that by playing videogames now you were securing a kind of early-investor bragging rights to the media singularity to come. If there's anything historically new about videogames it's the extent to which the very suggestion of potential developments to be had later on was finally recognised as more profitable than any intrinsic qualities of the form itself.

And I think all this raises some problems when we think about avant-garde and experimental videogames, not just because in replicating some of the assumptions of the industry they risk being assimilated by it - you can't game-design your way out of late capitalism, there are no final aesthetic solutions to economic problems etc - but because by repeating those assumptions they risk being judged by the standard of contribution to this same monolithic vidcon future, and then discarded accordingly when "the future" changes according to stockholder diktats. I mean that when you see these works as yet more expressions of "the medium" it's harder for them to survive when that status is taken away again, and that at this point it's difficult to conceive of a future of videogames that doesn't in some way just flow back into the orthodox one still being sold.

Why does this matter. I think the videogame market will crash again because that's what markets do, and when it does I believe it'll be blamed on small engines, on unity and rpgmaker, on asset-flipping and joke simulators and walking games and political games rather than e.g. the incessant boom-bust cycles of capitalism or the fact that the particular interactive media singularity that videogames have invested so much image, money and energy into identifying themselves with looks more and more dated and less likely to happen. I think there'll be more gamergate bullshit from people who invested in the stupid, stupid videogame dream and got told by youtube millionaires that it was being undermined from within by sjw fifth columnists making pug dating games. I think that just as places like YouTube have shown a willingness to quietly cut down on who's able to make money through their service places like Steam will do the same thing, particularly after already raising the prospect of exponentially increasing the cost of using the store for small developers already. I think middlebrow columnists at the Atlantic will cash checks saying well, a lot of those games weren't pushing the medium forward anyway, and that the whole thing will end up being recast as a morality tale about an overcrowded, overdiverse market, and that a lot of valuable work people are doing now will be just wiped from the record in the same way as a lot of pre-2007 indie games were, or flash games, or interactive CD-ROMs, or whatever the fuck.

I think that when this happens experimental games or avant garde games or alternative games will be seen less as possible alternatives to the mainstream tradition than as offshoots of it which got pruned, and I'm not sure how much help they will really be to anyone trying to figure out ways to make these things without getting pulled into the endless churning blood rotor of existing videogame culture.

I've written before that the game scenes which interest and excite me most are things like FNAF fangames, Undertale fangames, Unity horror games, RPG Maker games, hyperspecific utility pieces like the Prosperity Path orbs, less for any particular aesthetic or design qualities than for them being videogames which manage to escape some of the awful binary of Producer/Consumer and the ideas of "importance" which evolve later to help justify that perverse dynamic. Like what does it mean to experience a game if it's just part of a big stack of almost interchangeable things and anyway you're only absently going through it when searching for more stuff to steal for your own interchangeable thing. Which is healthier and more interesting than "art". But I think part of it too is the sense of having a specific audience to bounce against, even if it's just of people looking to take your Secret Of Mana midis, and the way that the concreteness of that audience helps defuse the kind of creeping tendency towards cultural speculation that comes with the belief in a big medium-wide payout somewhere down the line that'd justify the time and energies of everyone involved. I don't think it's enough to say people should make an effort to criticise games for what they are as opposed to what they might be, or whatever, insofar as that's even possible. I think being able to appreciate what they are is dependent on recognizing that they have an audience which is similarly settled, similarly "just there". And I think working towards constructing that kind of space would mean, yes, a sort of concession of "the future" to the stockholders of industry, renouncing the right to eventually reap that dread crop. But in the process being able to better engage with the present and all the disparite forces and strands within it who have similarly been lopped off that grand narrative, or were never part of it to begin with, and navigate all the ambiguities and potentials of that space. I think the future of videogames is the same kind of desperate, self-willed dream as those years worth of Twitter shares, for a company which has never actually been profitable, or the horrible locked-down image of infinity that sees new Rocket Racoon movies coming out every year til 2099, I think those dreams are ones that emerge and grow stronger as the actual basis for them either materially or affectively grows ever more decrepit, I think however overwhelming they get they can only really be strangled in the present.

As they say... no futur-what! what are you doing in my house! no-aieee!! (manuscript abruptly cuts off)

[tinymixtapes]

Interview: Seth Graham

The music published by Orange Milk, an underground behemoth of experimental music and cassette culture co-founded by Seth Graham and Keith Rankin (a.k.a. Giant Claw), feels like multiple authors contributing their stories to one sprawling space opera. The label has been lauded by a wide spectrum of listeners and critics, and is instantly recognized through a delightful, kaleidoscopic approach to color, sound, and aesthetic identity. Themes and approaches in the collective Orange Milk output seem impossible to define coherently. There are oozing, primordial cultures of bacterial sound, moments of pure, demented bliss; Seth Graham’s own music, especially on his latest album Gasp, refines these abstract elements while rocketing them farther into space. It is intrepid music that deliberately hovers on the edge of order, a space that the composer challenges himself to explore. We caught up with Seth Graham over the phone to talk about Herbie Hancock, the various MIDI instruments he chose to explore on Gasp, and the experiences in his life that brought the album to bear. The album is available to pre-order here (LP) and here (CD), but you can also listen to the full release below before its March 23 release. --- Gasp contains a wide variety of sounds, but it’s very focused too. Some of them appear multiple times, like the woodwind, the voices. Did you have a clear idea of what instruments you wanted to appear, and when? I definitely had a very specific idea… like that composer Gerard Grisey, he has pieces where he records the cello super close to the mic. You can almost hear the rustling, and it’s high-res. It almost sounds like, I don’t wanna say explosion, but it’s a bigger, weirder experience. With classical, when they record it, you hear that typical Tchaikovsky crap; it almost sounds generic. Grisey changed it and put it in your face, and I love that so much. So what I did with the record is any of the instruments that had a really close mic sample [in the VST], I kind of only used those because I liked how they sounded, and I liked how much you could manipulate it. Like for example in the track “Kimochi,” which just means emotion in Japanese, that track starts off with this voice that says one syllable, and that goes into almost sheer metal grinding, and that’s actually just a shit-ton of manipulation of different acoustic instruments with a certain synth. I love to do that and contrast it with that close-mic’d sound. With the flute, you can hear the wind of the person playing. I was obsessed with that. It ended up being a lot of flute, clarinet, cello, and that was kind of it. I think I used some trombone — there’s certain things you can do with the VST where you can hear the whole sample play out, and you can hear the clicking, and I would use that too, people clicking the wind instruments. I was thinking I should just hire people and record it my fucking self. That was something I wanted to ask you about — whether you had plans — or already did — record live instruments and manipulate that? I actually sort of did that already. A record is supposed to come out; it’s pieces from Gasp and a couple of unreleased pieces that this ensemble in Russia asked me to write for a tribute to Philip Glass that they were doing. They asked me and Sean McCann and Sarah Davachi, and I was really honest, like, I’ve never written a classical piece before, I just write MIDI data and mess with it. I just kind of read up on how to write for an ensemble, looked up the instruments they use, re-wrote it all in MIDI. I basically converted that to notation and sent four pieces to them that are pieces from Gasp, but real people. And they did it! They played it at the Museum of Multimedia and Arts in Moscow, and then they played it in a studio, and they were supposed to send us the stems for us to mix and Sean to put out on his label, Recital… and I don’t know, I’m waiting for it. It should be here. But to answer your question, I’ve been trying to think of ways for a new record where I hire people and I write out pieces, and they play it-slash-sing it, because I want really weird things to happen that I can’t make software do. I go to school with someone who’s a trained opera singer, and I want to pay her to sing what I have all notated, her to sing in this key, but then go “Bleahghghg.” I would love to hear that happen, a magnificent operatic voice just shit the bed. That would be awesome. I’ve been trying to think of ways for a new record where I hire people and I write out pieces, and they play it-slash-sing it, because I want really weird things to happen that I can’t make software do. I go to school with someone who’s a trained opera singer, and I want to pay her to sing what I have all notated, her to sing in this key, but then go “Bleahghghg.” Your use of “real instruments” stands apart from other kind of abstract electronic music, like PC Music, where they’re deliberately trying to sound as synthetic as they can. I’m really influenced by a lot of the modern computer music, like Halcyon Veil, or Jesse Osborne-Lanthier, or Rabit, or Chino Amobi… I like all that stuff, but I have a weird aversion to reverb. I feel like reverb makes things cloudy, and in the listening experience, it kind of masks nothing. It could be an art in itself, but I really tried to stay away from it but still be influenced by their aesthetic. That’s interesting you mention that, because Gasp contains lots of open, bare spaces, which really struck me when I heard it. Yeah, and I interpret that as straight-up vulnerability. Just let myself be vulnerable. Vulnerability is such a strength that I admire in people, people who can just admit things and let it be. There’s not even close to enough of that in our world. Even myself I don’t let myself be vulnerable enough, but I think it’s such a beautiful thing, and if the music is kind of awkward and there’s that space, I think it conveys vulnerability. It conveys a sense of drama, too. It does, doesn’t it? I am dramatic, I guess. Ha! Going back to that idea of fate you mentioned earlier, I’m curious as to what the events were that would construct that fate. Like what events took place in your life to form your influences? Well, I had a really crazy life. I grew up in Japan; my parents were missionaries. I went there when I was six, my mom got really sick — I don’t know why to this day, my parents are, uh, really weird. I was kind of shoved into a public school at six; my dad was studying Japanese at a language school. The language school was across the street from a tennis court. The city is Kadiza, in Nagano-ken — it’s kind of considered the Aspen of Japan — is very ritzy and beautiful. And one day I’m at the language school waiting for my dad, and I was just starting to learn Japanese. I was immersed in it because nobody spoke English, and I couldn’t understand anything. And literally, one day I understood everything everyone was saying. It was about seven months in and it was so surreal. I remember thinking “What is my life? This is not normal…” And I knew it, but I didn’t even know how to think of it as a six-, seven-year-old. I’m sitting there, and I’m watching all these people playing tennis, and there are cameras there, but I’m just watching with my face against the fence. Someone comes up to me and says, “That’s the emperor of Japan.” I always remembered that. There was a lot of shit that happened there. I started to be a teenager in Japan, and we moved back when I was��15… So you spent your formative years there? Yeah, my formative years were spent in Japan. I started skateboarding in Japan, became a really avid skateboarder, and we even were responsible for finding a really famous skate spot. We came back to the US when I was 15. I was really into Japanese punk-rock; I remember the day Kurt Cobain died — I was really into Nirvana. The real formative thing was when I came back to the US. My parents were really conservative… like I can’t overstate it enough. So I came back from Japan, skateboarding, and punk rock, to rural Ohio, where everyone played football. My parents didn’t want me to go to school because they thought I would become a corrupt atheist, so I didn’t. I was homeschooled and worked at a movie theater from 15 to 18, and I would pretend to do my homework and finish by 11, and then go work the matinee shift with this old woman named Phyllis. The reason I tell you all this is that the shock of cultural difference put my brain into a spin. Everything became very existential to me at a very young age. I was like, “Nothing means anything.” I realized in 6th grade that the Japanese didn’t like America — I went to Hiroshima on a field trip and they were all like, fuck America — but all my life I had heard about how great America was, so you start to see the dissonance at a young age. Which is true? So when I was really young I started to throw it all out the window, like all of it was a joke to me, but not as a rebellious teenager, it was a true existential crisis to me. I started to notice the deep contrast in everything, and I started to notice all the little things instead of the big things. That changed how I perceived everything, I think. And I think that’s what helps me be creative, if I am even creative. That was the most colossal thing, that upbringing and those events. Goop by Seth Graham You and [ex-TMT contributor] Keith Rankin knew each other in Ohio when you both started Orange Milk around 2010. Could you explain the environment you were in and your ideas of what the label was going to be like? People want like a glorious answer when they ask that, but there isn’t one. It was honestly Keith and I were making music ourselves, and we both kept getting rejected by labels… Probably for good reasons. We were like, “Aw, fuck that, let’s start our own label to release our own stuff.” It was kind of a hybrid between there being certain artists who were only on tape who we thought should come out on LP. One of them was an album called Crowded Out Memory by this band called Caboladies. This band Talkies. That was kind of the Robert Beatty crew, like Eric Lampan and Christopher Bush; they had this band that were kind of spastic, fun electronica. We loved it, and that album in particular came on a really limited CD-R, and we were like, “That should be on LP!” It was like when all that rage with Emeralds was happening in our little pocket scene. And not that it was a competition, but we thought Caboladies was far more interesting, and we wanted to bolster it for that reason. We were just like… I don’t want to hear synth drone. We would send each other clips by a really wide variety of artists. We were imaging things we wanted to hear together, in some weird way. Like the Herbie Hancock Raindance record. All kinds of little clips, like, “This album, but only these parts.” We did have a very conscious conversation to decide where we wanted to go, and then we just started digging it up. We just started searching for things that we liked on SoundCloud. Would you consider that your contribution to music or to your pocket of the music world? Is establishing that family your driving force? I think Keith and I really wanted to be in the music world, and we kind of constantly got rejected a lot. We wanted to find our own. And we were, I wouldn’t say critical, but we were really into this idea of experimental music being really joyous and really accessible. Like folk music or something. And we really consciously saw it that way. We would sit down and listen to Herbie Hancock — I think I’ve mentioned him a few times, but we’re obsessed — and we would listen to his records and say, “This part is pure joy, but it sounds insane.” We want to make that, and we want to hear that, and have a label go full-tilt on making that. It’s one of my favorite things about Hancock. His music is chill and inviting and so weird at times. I just love that. It feels like you can let go — it can be contemplative, it can be deep, it can be all that Tiny Mix Tapes stuff, or it can just be pure fun! I think we both find it really refreshing. And we like releasing our own stuff because it just gives us control and makes it less bureaucratic or political. It’s less about hustling. I don’t have to worry about being judged. That freedom is nice as an artist. You’ve mentioned joy a few times as an important theme in your music… I feel joy a lot, so I was just trying to convey that as much as I could. Vulnerability is such a strength that I admire in people, people who can just admit things and let it be. There’s not even close to enough of that in our world. Even myself I don’t let myself be vulnerable enough, but I think it’s such a beautiful thing, and if the music is kind of awkward and there’s that space, I think it conveys vulnerability. What about the process of making music? Does that bring joy? Your music sounds very playful, so I’m wondering to what degree your process involves discovery or “play,” in the kind of childlike way of working things out? Ha! Making the music is torture. I feel like Keith and I have high standards with each other. If I make a track and send it to him, he’s going to kind of rip it apart. It’s kind of like a professor reviewing your work. We both treat it as a helpful device, we’re not trying to shit on each other, we both really love each other so there’s that trust. It’s a rare thing. But in that sense, my record felt like a master’s thesis. It was so much work, and so much time, and agony. But I still love doing it. To answer your question, I was trying to be super-direct — this is how I feel, a lot of the time. It’s kind of funny, joyous, kind of awkward at times. I wanted those elements to be in there, and I have this kind of aversion to authority. I associate it with pretension. I’m not saying it’s objective, but pretension and authority to me are the same thing. It’s about controlling you, or controlling how you will experience something. And if you let that go, you can make with it what you will, know what I mean? That might sound like pretentious nonsense, I don’t know. Was the record heavily composed our conceptually wrought before you began to work on it? It was a mixture of everything. After talking to people who are actually trained classically, I get the vibe that everybody has a similar method. Some things are conceptually thought out, like I want this sound or that sound, and then you build a structure to execute that sound. I would write MIDI parts that were like, a cello pizzicato, and I would write it until I really liked it, and then let it sit. And I would play with Serum [VST], and be like, I like this sound that sounds like metal is coming out of my eyeball, how can I fixate on this thing? It’s almost like assembling a painting — I like this shape, this color, and then you just edit it and fit it in. OK, now I’m going to add clarinet, like right here. You mess with that sequence forever. That’s what I did, but with Gasp, I tried to take it as far as I could. In that once I had a structure I really liked, I would hate the song. Even though I liked all the parts, I would then edit it down — like how fucked up could I make this? — until it feels barely cohesive. So did this process yield tons of material? How did you decide what would make the final cut? At one point when I was making it, I got so tired that I just wanted to put it up on Bandcamp and never think about it again. I basically revised like 70% of it, and that was like a year in. But I just knew it wasn’t done. So you just keep going with the record. There were moments when I was just completely improvising. I would take Push 2 [the Ableton Live controller/sequencer], just randomly play it, hit things, turn things. I don’t come up with much that way, but every once in a while when I get really frustrated, I’ll just improvise and see what happens. It usually yields like three hours of dicking around. But I always end up in what seems like a final crescendo, where I think back through so many times, you have to do, over and over, tedious. Sometimes you have to delete everything, and you go over it again and half of it is good. And once you’re 80% done, you can’t stand the other 20%, but you’re so sick and tired of it, it’s torture. That’s what it felt like. But I love it, and now I’m all ready to do another one. It’s kind of all I can think about. http://j.mp/2u69i63

[90dayableton]

90 Days of Ableton: Day 0 & 1

I downloaded Ableton in the late evening on May 10th, so I’m going to call May 11th, my first full day with the software, Day 1.

May 10th was Day 0.

I did spend a couple hours on Day 0 trying to get comfortable with the program. I’ve never used a full DAW before - I’ve only noodled around with free web apps like Soundation.

So I had a basic sense of how to add instruments or channels, how to create and edit clips, and how to create notes with the draw mode/pen tool.

I decided to start by making something slow & chill.

I had a basic structure already in mind:

Start with one nice chord pattern with a little texture, a few passing notes, to make it interesting: 2, 4, or 8 measures long, as an introduction. Play it by itself.

Then, after 2-4 measures, layer it with beats.

Then layer it with more filled-out chords.

Then layer it with melodic lines. Make the melody another repeating loop, 2-4 measures long.

After the melody plays a couple times, start to tweak things. Change some of the moving notes, make sequences go up instead of down, or down instead of up.

Then add a few more percussive elements, transitions, and little instrumental call-outs to give it some life.

Every 2-4 measures, add a new instrument or effect without breaking the underlying pattern. Familiar foundation + novelty = brain takes interest.

Once the pattern repeats enough that you get tired of it, it’s time for a B section!

Now start removing instruments. Allow the more recent elements to play, or play with variations, and switch up the basic loops you started with. (i.e. change the bassline, change the chords, change the beats - you want complementary, but different.)

Preserve some elements, change others. Keep it on a 2, 4, or 8 measure cycle. You want new things to happen every 2 measures.

Re-introduce elements you haven’t heard in a while on top of new ones for a satisfying climax.

As for an outro? I basically just let the B section play out, and then I went back to the chords from the intro but I gave them to a different instrument, and I silenced everything else...dropped out the bass, the percussion, everything except a little ambiance. It worked, even though it was abrupt.

By the end of Day 1, I felt I had something cohesive and more-or-less “finished,” though it was very unrefined.

I lowered some of the track volumes (bass, shamisen, soft horn, bottle blower) but not all of them (I’m writing this from the perspective of Day 3 so now I know that the mixer in the red is something to correct), I didn’t do any panning, I didn’t double any instruments. I didn’t do anything with gates or envelopes or pitch shifting.

It’s basically a compilation of sounds and a nice tune but it’s not edited, mastered, or mixed in any significant way.

What I Started With:

Ableton Live 10 Trial (free)

a pretty chord riff: mine was inspired by an old j-rock song ain’t afraid to die by dir en grey

(I figured out the exact notes of the chords (I have a good ear but I do not have perfect pitch, people) with this synthesia video breakdown of the song.)

a few general ideas for how to structure it (listed above)

a few general ideas for organizing my workstation

basic background in music performance/theory (I know that not all aspiring music producers may have this, and I am lucky to; but it’s also likely that many musicians are drawn to this work)

What I Learned:

ONE. I’m not sure why the basic template, when you open a new live set, is two Midi tracks and two Audio tracks. The first habit I started was deleting one Midi and one Audio track, silencing the two remaining, and using them as temporary storage tracks to hold midi & audio samples/clips that I wanted to use but hadn’t assigned to an instrument. Nobody told me to do that. It just made sense to me and maybe in the future I’ll find out that it’s actually a bad idea, but it works right now.

TWO. The basic trial version of Ableton supposedly doesn’t have as much extra content (sounds, samples, instruments) as the full one, but it’s still pretty loaded. [Disclaimer: Nobody is paying me to say this.] A really huge amount of time was just taken up with me sorting through all the stuff that came pre-installed, listening to samples, and selecting what might sound good in the context of my own song. (HOWEVER - I did want more orchestral instrument options. Not enough brass and winds, and the strings could definitely be improved...)

THREE. It’s really easy to get distracted by other cool sounds. I ended up saving a bunch of specific samples to my user library (or creating a new live set to play around with it a little bit) because hearing certain unrelated sounds inevitably triggered new musical ideas that weren’t appropriate for the current composition.

FOUR. If I didn’t have a specific idea for a song in my head (which I did), it would have been so much harder and taken so much longer to create something cohesive. Going in with 1. a basic chord progression and 2. a couple basic melodic “cues” that I lifted from the lead vocals in the original song made it MUCH easier to fill in everything else around it. I deliberately took inspiration from another song because I wanted to focus on creating something pretty that would teach me how to use the software without getting too bogged down in composition.

FIVE. It was easy to get distracted and to flounder until I “landed” on exactly the sound I needed, or the sound I didn’t know I needed until I heard it. Example: I didn’t plan out a shamisen track, but once I saw the shamisen instrument in my library, I knew I was gonna have a good time with it. Or the chimes. As soon as I heard the chimes, I knew exactly where to put them and I didn’t swerve.

SIX. One of the most time-consuming things was just locking in the actual notes. I was used to the draw tool in another program that streamlined drawing notes, but I felt like it was clunkier and slower-going in Ableton because there were so many more refined options.

As a result, I learned/realized that I could use my computer keyboard in lieu of a Midi keyboard (which I don’t own), so I ended up composing that way. When there were tempo or rhythmic issues, I fixed them by ear, manually re-positioning notes...(I can only assume there’s a shortcut I don’t know about yet because if it’s not clear I’m a total noob) and zooming in closer for more refined adjustments.

SEVEN. Zooming! I learned a few basic keyboard shortcuts which helped SO much. On a PC:

ctrl+alt gives you a grabby hand and if you hold those down while you click with the mouse you can move all around the track without accidentally clicking or highlighting or deleting anything

ctrl + mouse scroll wheel (or + / - buttons) lets you zoom in and out, in the track itself and in the midi note editor.

EIGHT. One of those “learning by doing” things - day 0 & 1 were just immersing myself in the system and figuring out how to actually do the thing I needed. Some of my early questions:

why is my master track mixer red when everything else is green? (answer: you need to lower individual track volumes well below 0, like at least -8 to -12.)

how do I make the display go left-right with a timeline instead of up-down? (answer: tab button to switch between views)

how do I make this note sound less harsh? (answer: probably has something to do with the velocity? and/or the attack?)

how do I make this sound linger instead of clip off suddenly? (answer: hold the note until the end of the phrase, or lengthen the clip to draw it out - yeah I’m not touching reverb yet)

how do I lengthen or shorten clips? (answer: there’s a function with ctrl + E to slice something if you want to chop it up, but otherwise just grabbing it by the edge and dragging left or right will work. note this is for the clip...not the music/notes.)

how do I make the instrument panel come up and how do I hear it and how do I use my keyboard as a midi controller?

answer:

Select your instrument from the library sidebar and drag it to the place under the other tracks where it says “drop files and devices here”

Then, double click on that track

This should create a new “clip” which you can expand or move around to a different place in the timeline.

There’s a little keyboard along the left side of the “midi clip editor” which pops up at the bottom of the screen when you create a new clip. Click the headphone icon above the keyboard (which lets you hear yourself play it) AND press the M button on your keyboard to turn the Computer Midi Keyboard on and off. (You should see it light up in the top right corner, near the CPU load meter.)

Then, you should be able to use your keyboard to play notes - a s d f g h j k as the basic notes of the c major scale (i.e. white keys from C - C; easy to remember since f and g correspond to actual F and G) and W E T Y U as black keys.

To actually record what you’re playing, hit the record button. Personally I recommend setting the metronome (upper left corner) to count off one bar before the recording starts.

I will share my finished “song” from the end of Day One, but before I do, in the next post I’m going to break down what happened on Day Two to show you how I improved even further upon my work.

Then you can hear the two side by side, really proving how much progress one person can make in a single day!

[thekillerssluts]

Win Butler on why he ignores the internet, and why he expects Arcade Fire to stick around 

No matter how much professional rock critics and casual cultural commentators may find the Grammy-winning alt-rock act Arcade Fire exhausting, the group shows no signs of fading away. Arcade Fire’s fifth LP, Everything Now, was released a few weeks ago to some of the most negative reviews the band has yet received, with songs slammed for everything from earnest preachiness to clumsily ripping off old disco records. Yet the album still became Arcade Fire’s third straight to debut at No. 1 on the Billboard album charts, with some of the year’s highest sales figures. And after a successful European summer tour (which helped goose some of Everything Now’s initial singles up the charts overseas), the band’s about to begin a jaunt through North American arenas in September.

Days after Everything Now’s release, Win Butler spoke with The A.V. Club about making and marketing the record, as well as Arcade Fire’s fluctuating critical reputation and why he thinks people who’ve already made up their minds to dislike the band may be missing out on the wit, exuberance, and communal connection that fans enjoy.

The A.V. Club: It took about eight months to record Everything Now. How much of that time was spent actively working on it?

Win Butler: Well, we’ve ended up building a studio for every record, so that takes time. The space you make it in ends up being the first step of figuring out how it’s going to sound.

AVC: Wasn’t this one recorded in multiple studios?

WB: Yes, but I would say 80 percent of it was recorded in New Orleans, in our tiny studio. We did some sessions in Paris and a little bit in Montreal, but not too much. Just some finishing touches. Régine [Chassagne] and I moved to New Orleans, but my brother’s in New York, and the rest of the band’s in Montreal, so the guys would come down for a couple weeks at a time and we’d record for two weeks or so. Then they’d go away and we’d listen to stuff. It’s a process.

Every once in awhile you get a gift of something that’s super easy. Like “Good God Damn” is an example of one of the most stripped-down things we’ve ever done. We cut it at midnight, with the guys flying out the next day. I had Tim [Kingsbury] and Jeremy [Gara] play it with me to make a demo so I could figure out what the lyrics were going to be. We played it once and never touched it again. It ended up being this perfect take.

But most songs just take forever, to figure out how the pieces all fit together. It’s historically taken us about a year to make a record. Even the first EP. There’s just certain things that we have to go through.

AVC: Do you do a lot of tinkering with the style and arrangements? For example on the new album, you have multiple versions of “Infinite Content” and “Everything Now.” Is that a common practice for you, to record different styles of the same song?

WB: Sometimes. Part of the idea with “Infinite Content” was that we put a thing online that was just the MIDI files and a score, and we had a bunch of people submit versions. The idea of that was to end up with 150 versions of the same song. A friend of mine who plays in this amazing Cajun band called Lost Bayou Ramblers just sent me a zydeco version of “Infinite Content” in Creole. It’s pretty amazing. I’ve heard a Kraftwerk-type version of it. Pretty all over the place.

AVC: On both Reflektor and Everything Now you’ve worked with high-profile collaborators like LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy and Daft Punk’s Thomas Bangalter. What do you get out of that process, bringing in someone not in Arcade Fire to work on a song?

WB: It’s mostly stuff we’ve done through friendship. James, we toured with, and we’ve been friends with him for a long time. We were actually talking about working together on Neon Bible, and it never really lined up. Markus Dravs first came in just to help us with our studio. We owned a small church outside of Montreal where we recorded Neon Bible. Markus had recorded Post and Homogenic, and our manager was managing Björk at the time, and Björk is one of my all-time heroes, so Markus came out to help us with some recording and ended up becoming a lifelong friend. Same thing with Steven Mackey [of Pulp] and Thomas.

These people all have just incredible taste in music. I think when you’ve been in a band for a really long time, sometimes you don’t appreciate what’s good about yourself. It’s easy to play something and get too focused on some small detail. It’s helpful to have somebody around who can say, “No, that was good.” Just so you don’t get too lost or forget what you do. You need somebody you really trust who has great taste.

AVC: Do you think that critics read too much into all that? If they find out that you worked with someone from Daft Punk, do they say, “This song sounds like Daft Punk?”

WB: Yes. [Laughs.] One hundred percent. I think probably everyone that has worked on an Arcade Fire record would be just as happy to do it anonymously. Five years from now, it won’t really matter, but during the promotion of a record, when people are writing reviews, I feel like a lot of people don’t take the time to understand it. It’s like people are still writing reviews of Reflektor with our new album. They say, “James Murphy is into dance-y music. James Murphy made Arcade Fire be dance-y.” And what’s funny is that an extremely large percentage of the world’s population has never even heard of Arcade Fire or James Murphy. That collaboration is really only interesting to people who write about music and the small part of the demographic who pay attention to those kind of details.

AVC: It’s not at all uncommon for people who write about music to be “over” a band that a large, large portion of the world has never heard of.

WB: Yeah, but maybe it works in the opposite way, too. If you were a critic when our first record came out, you kind of had to like it. I’m sure there were people who had to pretend to like it because it would’ve seemed uncool not to. It’s a cyclical thing.

So yeah, there’s blowback. But I’ve been experiencing that to some extent since we formed. I remember an early Arcade Fire show, where we played a song called “Headlights Look Like Diamonds,” which is kind of a dance-y, New Order song. It was our first hit, really. We played it, the crowd went crazy, and everyone was dancing. Even these super punk kids were just losing their minds, until like, a week later, when we played again and the context had changed. I saw them lose their shit, and then a week later they were all, “This band sucks.”

And it’s been like that for a long time. It wasn’t very cool to like Bruce Springsteen in the ’90s. When Nirvana was huge, there weren’t a lot of people saying, “You know who’s amazing? Bruce Springsteen.” You know what I mean? It’s very cyclical. And impossible for us to control.

AVC: I’ve had a somewhat different relationship with your band, in that I wrote a mixed review of Funeral and was converted by Neon Bible. More specifically, my mind was changed by your Austin City Limits performance. There was something about seeing the songs from the first two records in a live context. Suddenly, the music made sense. You’ve had a strong reputation as a live act from the very beginning. When you’re working on a record, how much do you think about how the songs are going to translate onstage?

WB: We’re essentially a live band, so they’re completely related. I don’t think about it like, “How’s this going to sound in an arena?” But we’re on our fifth record now, so we already have all the songs we wrote already, and with the songs we haven’t written we’re trying to do stuff that’ll serve a different purpose.

We’ve traveled the world so much and have played our music for so many different cultures and for so many different people. You can really feel how people react differently to different music in different places. Even within Europe, there’s such a big difference between a big French crowd and a big English crowd, or a big Portuguese crowd and a big Spanish crowd. There are different nuances in rhythm, and different feelings and different lyrics that translate differently. If we’re playing Coachella, a song that people are going to be really into isn’t the same song that people are going to be into if we’re playing Port-Au-Prince.

By the way, Austin City Limits is great. I grew up in Houston, and I still remember seeing Tom Waits on Austin City Limits. It’s still what I think about most when I think of Tom Waits. It really felt like he was from outer space. What is this music? Who is this person? I never got super deep into Tom Waits, but it still resonated for me.

I kind of feel the same way about The White Stripes. The White Stripes did a performance on one of Conan O’Brien’s shows, and I don’t even remember what the record was or the song, but Jack White was playing the guitar, and he went over to Conan’s desk doing his guitar solo, and I was like, “I can never talk shit about this band.” That one performance was so great that they could’ve honestly made 50 horrible records and I’d never talk shit about The White Stripes. Because I know they’re fucking for real.

It’s all really deeply related to the live thing, to me. The records and the concerts give each other life.

AVC: You played several of the new songs during the European leg of your tour before the album came out. Have you learned anything from playing them live?

WB: Everything Now is our first album where the songs have been played on pop radio in Europe. Radio 1 and Radio 2 in the U.K., which, it doesn’t really get any bigger than that. And it’s interesting, because when you really know a song, it’s amazing what your mind does. Your mind fills in all sorts of details.

When I went to see Prince play just before he passed, he was doing a greatest-hits kind of show. Like, every single fucking song he played the whole night, you’d heard a million times—and it almost didn’t matter what he was playing, because your mind knows the material so well that it fills in all the details. It’s really different.

So it’s interesting, because we got a really amazing energy playing in Montreal and in Europe, and a really great response. It’s some of the funnest shows we’ve played in a long time.

AVC: Even though the lyrics on Everything Now are often bleak, the music seems more joyous than Reflektor. Is that fair to say?

WB: I don’t know. I think we tried to make a funky record—something that we found satisfying rhythmically. I don’t really think of our band as dance music, although in the U.K., you’d hear songs from Funeral on some clubs’ disco nights, because we’ve always made music that favors four-on-the-floor. That’s one of our go-to things. If you hear the new record through a big system, there’s a lot going on in the low end. A song like “Good God Damn” sounds like a little song, but you put it in a big PA, it’s massive. There’s nothing in the low end fighting for those frequencies, which was something I was a lot more aware of on a production standpoint, just from deejaying and hearing music in different systems. You start to appreciate amplification.

I was deejaying at a party and they had this enormous PA, playing super-banging house music all night. I played “Use Me” by Bill Withers, and it nearly blew out the whole thing, because even though it’s just electric bass and a little bit of drums, the amount of low information in an acoustic bass is actually insane. Same thing with “Iko Iko,” which is someone playing a double bass and someone hitting some cans. Put it in a big system and it’s like, “Holy shit!” What is going on on the low end of these records?

That was definitely something I wasn’t as aware of, like, five years ago. I’d never heard a lot of that music on a real PA.

AVC: As I recall, there was a Rolling Stone magazine article back in the ’80s about the making of Don Henley’s Building The Perfect Beast, where the reporter mentioned that Henley insisted on taking the tapes of the final mixes to his jeep, to hear how they sounded coming out of those speakers. Do you do anything like that? Testing out the different ways an album will sound?

WB: We have a bar in Montreal, a Haitian bar, where there’s a really good sound system—a big, proper, Jamaican-style sound system. I definitely play mixes in there sometimes. Compared to the stuff you’re listening to on your laptop, it’s almost like 3-D versus 2-D.

AVC: The marketing of this record has been unusual, in that you released a new video of a new song every week or two, over a month in advance of the release.

WB: We put out four songs, I think every two weeks. So the whole thing was two months basically, from when we released the first song. And that was probably two months sooner than someone on the label would tell you to do it. But the speed at which things come and go has hit such a point that under normal circumstances a record doesn’t stand much of a chance to have people hear it. Everything seems like it’s around for forever now, but that’s just because news cycles are so fast and so early.

Look at Funeral. It came out in September in the U.S., but didn’t come out in the U.K. until six months later, because we didn’t have a record deal outside of America for those six months. It came out overseas, and we did the whole promotion thing again. Back then we were in a van, with one cellphone, and we didn’t have a manager. I don’t even fully understand how press people got our number. Régine and I did a press tour by ourselves. I think it was our first time to Europe. We thought, “Oh, it’s going to be fancy, and we’re going to get to see all of Europe,” and then it was just, like, traveling from city to city in a room from 10 a.m. until 10 p.m., talking to journalists.

If that happened now, people would be like, “What went wrong?” [Laughs.]

AVC: Was the decision to put out these videos so early all guided by the band?

WB: Yeah, it was just a way to give people a chance to hear some of the record, because once it comes out, it’s like people are onto the next thing immediately. This was an opportunity for people to spend some time with songs they might not have paid attention to otherwise. Ultimately, that’s what it’s about, getting people to hear the music. That’s why you make it.

AVC: Were you tracking the response? Seeing what fans had to say, what critics had to say, how many hits it was getting?

WB: No. I mean, I think the internet is where negativity thrives, very easily. People get an emotional hit from it. It’s unhealthy to worry too much what people think—and particularly what someone thinks who’s just hearing something for the first time and writing a response as they’re listening. That’s not useful information.

AVC: Can anticipating the response affect your creative process? Multiple pop artists lately have put out records that have tried to make a social statement and have been mocked or even pilloried. Everything Now doesn’t shy away from sociopolitical commentary. Did you think about how it might be received?

WB: Whenever you do anything or say anything, you’re opening yourself up to criticism. But that’s okay. That’s part of the deal. We’re a political band. Like, we didn’t expressly make a record about Donald Trump, but I’m not interested in pretending like he’s not the president, or that it’s not an insane cesspool of nightmare reality that we’re all living in, all day, every day.

It’s no accident that Donald Trump is by far the most successful Twitter user in the history of Twitter. He’s the master—the Rembrandt of Twitter. But the hope with some of the social media stuff we’re doing is to work with some really funny writers and… I don’t know, just maybe have people be a little more critical about what they’re reading. It’s meant to be kind of lighthearted, in a somewhat toxic environment.

AVC: It’s not unusual for Arcade Fire to do something lighthearted, because your presentation is so theatrical and theatricality often demands a certain amount of whimsy. The band is often pegged as serious and dour, but do people miss your sense of humor?

WB: I think it’s possible that people miss the point. But what are you going to do?

It reminds me of an interview I read where Sacha Baron Cohen was talking about this insane French clowning school that he went to, to study the tradition of clowning. There was this very serious clown-master, and when people would get up onstage, he had a little bell that he would ring, and the second he’d ring the bell, you were done. You weren’t funny. You were off the stage.

So he’s doing his bit, and the teacher started ringing the bell, and he just kept ignoring him. The teacher got angrier and angrier, and kept ringing the bell more and more, getting more and more furious. He said, “In that moment, I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. The clown teacher yelling at me for clowning, ringing that bell and being furious, is the funniest, highest form of clowning that could possibly exist.”

I find that really inspiring. [Laughs.]

AVC: When a band’s starting out, people try to pigeonhole who you sound like, which means you’ll get questioned a lot about your influences. But you don’t get asked about that as much once you’ve established your own sound, even though your roots can become even more tangled as you evolve—especially if you’re as successful as Arcade Fire. So I’ll ask, have your musical role models changed, from Funeral to Everything Now?

WB: Well, there are different things you look up to about different artists. Look at someone like Tom Waits or Neil Young or David Bowie or even Dylan to a certain extent. They’ve all been so uncompromising. The real question though may be, who would I change careers with? And there’s no one where I’m like, “Man, I wish that was my life.” I’m very proud and satisfied with where we’re at as a band, and how we’ve done it.

Y’know, we’re just still in the middle of this thing. My grandfather was 96 when he passed away, and he was still playing until he was, like, 94, and still recording in the basement. He had ProTools on his computer, in the basement recording himself with an optic pedal on the guitar, making bass lines and shit. He’s my role model.

[hamaon]

IN DEPTH FANDOM QUESTIONS: Final Fantasy VII

 WHO WANTS TO READ 3000+ WORDS WORTH OF THIS STUFF

Top 5 favourite characters: Cloud’s story is very impressive for a 90s JRPG protagonist, and the glimpses of personality you get over the course of the game and towards the end especially are divine;I gave my heart to AVALANCHE early on, a moment of silence for all those who died so young;the image I have of Elmyra is a lot groovier than what there actually is in the game, but I’m hanging on to it;Tifa won me over just by her battle animations, and from these modest origins it grew and grew;

Nanaki is so serious, and also a baby.

Other characters you like: The bravest pilot-in-training who could. I believe in you, little guy.

Least favourite characters: “The hidden optional characters”, is what I was going to say, but I like Yuffie much better than Vincent. I actively dislike her character design (what is even going on there), but she’s vengeful and proud. All the characters in this game are more enjoyable if you highlight their unsavory qualities.

Vincent, though, is a miss. An unfortunate combination of things that I don’t care about. His main contribution to the story is giving more insight on Hojo and Sephiroth (and the Turks, I guess), but what I’d like to know more about are things to do with Gast, the Ancients, and Aerith’s involvement, and he has nothing to do with that. Also, Shinra by itself just isn’t interesting to me, it’s their involvement with the main characters (especially in the first areas of the game) that is fun, and again Vincent misses out.

There’s also the fact that- if there’s one mythological being that I couldn’t care less about, it’s vampires, and he shares a lot of the aesthetics, and- I don’t like using him in battle. The only time I used him during my first playthrough was when the party first crosses the mountains past Nibelheim, and taking him to the boss battle at end of the dungeon was a bad idea. It liked fire, and Vincent’s monster form whatever-beast liked producing said fire, and one thing led to another.

I love his theme, I guess, but I don’t even think of it as his theme. It’s the theme of the basement of the Shinra mansion and its fantastic, creepymonsters.

Also, Aerith, but more on that later.

Otps: I’m into Cloud/Tifa, but less for the chemistry and more for narrative reasons. I just think it makes a good story? Watching them dance around their memories of their shared past is the true heart of the game, for me.

I like that it’s romantic on Tifa’s part, but when you go back to the beginning of the game, once you know what sorts of questions the characters have been holding back on… how much of it is romantic on Tifa’s part, again?

I like that it isn’t romantic on Cloud’s part… until you get to the Lifestream, and the cause of this mess and the most honest truth at the core of it all was just a little boy crushing on the popular girl next door.

I like the idea of them deciding to stick together, the two survivors, now that they can admit out loud that they never really even knew each other.

I like how, with all of his regrets and failures, Cloud never did fail her.

(And I kind of like that the underdog in the triangle got the guy, in the end.)

I used to be passionately into Aerith/Tifa, early on – her interactions with Tifa are the best I liked Aerith – but I’ve let go of it, since. It’s okay to enjoy relationships without making them romantic, past me.

Not sure whether this is is an “otp “or a “notp” thing, or something else entirely, but I‘ve become very attached to the idea of Cid/no one as of late. Maybe the plot circumstances forcing him and Shera to stay separated helps them realize that it’s healthier this way. I want Cid to be grouchy and middle-aged and difficult to deal with on his airship, with his loyal crew and no romantic interest ever again.

And honestly, I’d be all for an AU where Cloud derails the plot by running off with some random AVALANCHE member in the early Midgar portion of the game. Jessie is the best candidate. Let Cloud and Jessie elope.

Notps: Cloud/Sephiroth. Aerith/Cloud as a reciprocal thing, because I enjoy their interactions better if Aerith isn’t serious about him (Cloud -> Aerith is fine, though).

Favourite friendships: Barret and Tifa. It was framed more as “Barret supports Tifa”, but I imagine that Tifa used to babysit Marlene quite a bit when AVALANCHE was smaller, so it evens out somewhat. They have a lot of shared history between just the two of them.

Aerith and Tifa. And listen, this isn’t pretty, but I want to think that they didn’t like each other that much, at first, even if it didn’t show – because why would they be rude towardseach other? Why wouldn’t they want to rescue innocent people? Maybe Aerith is a bit dismissive towards Tifa, unconsciously. Overrules her on things, without thought. I want Tifa putting up appearances that she enjoys Aerith’s company more than she really does, when really at times she makes her uneasy in ugly, jealous ways. All of that beingsomething they are already correcting themselves on come Kalm, quietly. On the way towards the chocobo farm you can see them walking together more often than not, and it continues that way until Aerith skedaddles.

Cloud and Yuffie. I just think that the detail of the shared motion sickness is nice and genuine. And in general, Cloud is yanked around by the story so much, it’s nice that he has someone he can be a mentor figure to. Good for the both of them.

Favourite family: Cloud’s, painfully unexplored as it was. It would benefit the game if there was just a touch more about Cloud’s mother. Just one more little scene, late in the game, to underline that she was loved, and that she’s gone, and that he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Favourite episodes: The entire Lifestream sequence where player-Tifa finally gets some answers to questions that have been left hanging since the first five minutes of the game.

Actually no, the entire game starting from where Cloud starts unraveling at the Noozupooru and the title of player character bounces back between a couple of party members as you’re putting the story together, culminating in the Lifestream sequence. But especially the Lifestream sequence.

Favourite season/book/movie: Original game? I think I liked the short animation thingy, Last Order, when I saw it ~ten years ago, but I can’t be assed to rewatch it now.

Favourite quotes: Any, as long as it comes with rustic typos in it. Absolutely beautiful.

Best musical moment: “Overworld“, as I had originally written down, like Tina’s theme, is a beautiful epic that encompasses all the highs and the lows of the narrative, but having listened to it for way too long while watching my friend play the game I’m in the “can’t stand” part of my cyclical relationship with the song. So let’s talk about Cid’s theme instead!

My first exposure to Cid’s theme was in the form of a background midi on a friend’s angelfire page, and I had no idea where the song was from. The file that I eventually managed to download on my computer was named something to the effect of ff7-cid, which told me nothing. No one in my family played video games.

As I said, I downloaded song. I used some .mid-to-sheet-music converter software on our computer to make it playable and printed it out. It wasn’t made for piano (and I definitely wasn’t good enough at notation to make an arrangement of my own), so I’d just follow along the notes as I put the midi on. I never did learn to play it. I never got a group together to try to play it – there’s nothing impressive about this story.

Fast forward several years, and I played the game. At that point it had been a long time since I had listened to the original midi, but I still remembered that I had built something way more epic around the song than what actually went down in the game. Not that Cid’s quest for the skies isn’t impressive, but it had sounded like something that would play during a last stand type of scene at the end of a story. My bad.

It’s still an impressive piece.

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: You lose control of the main character! That’s pretty metal?

When it really disappointed you: My introduction to the game was Advent Children, which I don’t think I had many strong feelings about? But I saw people online mourning the death of Aerith’s character (made even worse by Crisis Core) and how she was supposed to have been amazing in the game. So I played the game expecting something truly spectacular and… well, FF7 doesn’t have bad writing, I don’t think, but the characters definitely need you to meet them halfway before you can truly appreciate their potential. And Aerith mostly just hit on Cloud, so I was unwilling to even try. Disappointing, in the truest sense of the word.

I have a history of hating most Final Fantasy romance, and most of the characters doing most of the romance-inclined things. Edge hits on Rydia? Shit character. Locke hits on Celes? Shit character. Rinoa hits on Squall? Shit character (okay originally I liked her for that and only started hating her later in the game, adding her to the list here isn’t fair). Zidane hits on Garnet? Shit character. Yuna hitting on Tidus initially made me label her as a shit character as well, and I can actually pinpoint the very line of dialogue that made me stop thinking of her that way, but my main point is that in the beginning of FF10, I hated Yuna.

Anyway, I like to think that every time Aerith is hitting on Cloud, she’s joking! Because that’s what the root of my disinterest in engaging with her can be traced back to! Most of my headcanons are about Aerith, honestly. I make kind of half-hearted efforts to like her, occasionally, but I need to do it on my own terms – in order to enjoy her character, I need to be able to own her character. Otherwise I’m in a situation where I don’t care for the character much, and every time people point out some feature about them that makes them “perfect”, the bitterness increases. The “I was pretty neutral on this character, but everyone talking about how they’re the best thing ever made me loathe them” feeling. Yeah.

Saddest moment: I’m currentlythinking about the Nibelheim flashback where Cloud just plain refuses to talk about his mother and that’s a sad moment, isn’t it?

Most well done character death: Rufus went out gloriously. The whole scene with the multiple delayed laser beams whose projections you had to keep track of was magnificent, plus a corrupt corporation sacrificing everything for the greater good was pretty nice. Redemption in death.

Glad he wasn’t retconned into having survived or anything, that’d just ruin everything.

Favourite guest star: Cid had his moment in the spotlight, before slinking back into the shadows until XII?

Favourite cast member: Character, okay. Tifa, probably. A bunch of neutral to positive character traits, distinct nostalgia in the character theme, some half-assed writing, best animations in battle, a role that was fantastically spot-on in unravelling the main character’s labyrinthine headspace.

It’s less who Tifa is as a character, and more the good vibes surrounding her role in the story and some of the aesthetic decisions that went into creating the character. I mean, she’s a female monk. Just give her a version of the AC outfit that isn’t all black and stillhas the suspenders.

Character you wish was still alive: Nanaki’s mom.

One thing you hope really happens: Nanaki’s mom becomes an actual character in the remake. She completely drops out of everyone’s consciousness once it turns out that the Dad was the Important One. You have this rare heroic mother who is remembered for her feats in battle, only for her to disappear from the story completely. I’d like for Nanaki to remember them together. Wasn’t she supposed to have been something of a role model for him, before?

Most shocking twist: When the nameless Shinra grunt took off his helmet.

I keep thinking back to that gifset of that scene with the caption “that’s what Final Fantasy VII is all about, Charlie Brown“, and. Yeah.

When did you start watching/reading?: After Advent Children came out.

Best animal/creature: I have so many feelings about that one house in the Sector 7 slums. Primarily ”how“ and “why“. And “rocket launchers”.

Everything inside the sunken Gelnika is super cool, too. As is the Ruby Weapon, or however you capitalize that. Ruby WEAPON.

Favourite location: First visit to Nibelheim, if I’m being honest. Basement of Gold Saucer, if I’m not.

Trope you wish they would stop using: Will they?? Or… won’t they?? Let’s drag this love triangle shit on f o r e v e r.

Like please, FF10 was the best because they settled the will they won’t they thing pretty early on, just let this matter be resolved so we can have some development in some direction, please. Let him get on with his relationship with Tifa so we can have some real progress, let him break it off for real, just do something. As long as it isn’t ”he’s hung on Aerith forever“, because that goes directly against the development at the end of the game. Give him a new love interest, if you don’t want to piss anyone specific off, just stop beating this horse, it’s been dead for twenty years.

One thing this show/book/film does better than others: That’s what Final Fantasy VII is all about, Charlie Brown.

Funniest moments: When I was playing the game with a friend, and she triggered the bug where you don’t get portable save point in your inventory, and we only noticed halfway through the final dungeon. We still beat the game without any save slots. It’s not a very difficult game.

Couple you would like to see: please just fuckign Cloud/Jessie.

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: Anyway, I’d like it if there were more female characters in the party, with more varied roles. Any of the main party members besides Barret, Reeve and Vincent could have been female, I think (I like Barret as a father, and Reeve is such a late reveal that it wouldn’t serve the intended purpose. And Vincent is optional). Cid, Nanaki, someone new? Cloud? Maybe Jessie could survive?

Actually, unpopular (?) opinion time, somewhat related, hang with me here, but I don’t think Tifa being ancillary to Cloud’s story is a bad thing at all. He’s the main character, his story is the most important story of the game, and her story supplements his story beautifully. The problem is that after the first disc, she’s the only active female character of any real importance. That’s where her propping up Cloud starts becoming a problem.

More female characters.

Favourite outfit: I love Aerith’s design, it’s spectacular. At first glance all you can see is pink, but it’s super practical, and plain, too. Some of it is probably because that’s how the game is designed in general, no one is very decorated, but still, Tifa wears earrings.

A simple dress, practical shoes. A plain bow, crude metal bracelets, and some random string around her neck. It’s like she just picked one up one day and went, why the hell not? That’s actually something I do when I’m cleaning and find pieces of string or broken rubber bands. Just tie them wherever, arm, neck, around my head.

It’s my headcanon that her dress was originally white, but it was washed with something red (that seems to be her color, no?) and was accidentally dyed in the process.

The short jacket is my favorite. I like the idea that she’d go for that big-shouldered look in other outfits, too. It looks so weird. I love it.

Favourite item: All materia. The ‘all’ materia.

Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: Nothing official aside from the game itself. A couple of art prints. There’s one with Nanaki with his cubs looking over the ruins of Midgar that I need to get framed at some point, if I have the money.

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: AVALANCHE all the way. The concept of bitter eco-terrorists is something that resonates closely with so much of my youth.

Most boring plotline: A lot of Barret’s stuff could have had better focus, unfortunately. Tying things back to Marlene & Elmyra & the working class more would have been appreciated.

Most laughably bad moment: I can’t decide between the kidnapping of Elena and Yuffie in Wutai, and the cannon-top slapdown between a corporate executive and a lifetime martial artist. It’s a horrible tie.

Best flashback/flashfoward if any: So much is centered around the Nibelheim flashbacks, let’s pick something else.

Cid’s Rocket Town flashback is pretty good, it makes you feel the frustration, and it manages to humanize him at the same time. Also, it isn’t a montage info-dump flashback, which FF7 falls victim to, occasionally.

Most layered character: Much of the plot is about putting different aspects of Cloud back together, sometimes more than figuratively, so, Cloud.

Most one dimensional character: Palmer. You know, because he gets run over by a… truck…

Scariest moment: The Shinra tower, after you escape from the jail. There have been just enough uncomfortable elements shown to you beforehand. There was something unnatural in that tank earlier, but it’s gone now. The soundtrack turned Silent Hill all of a sudden. Maybe you could receive comfort from the masses, now that you are facing a shared enemy of a new, strange caliber. The tower was bustling with life just moments ago.

But where is everyone.

Grossest moment: Cid yelling at Shera. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Best looking male: Once you get past all the associations you have with white/silver-haired men in Japanese media, and the fact that it’s Sephiroth, Sephiroth is quite pleasing to the eye. The boob window is nice. Looks strong without being overbearing.

But at the end of the day, it’s still…. Sephiroth.

Best looking female: Everyone is a pile of polygons, but in my mind’s eye I always imagine Ifalna as a breathtaking beauty.

Who you’re crushing on (if any): no.

Favourite cast moment: I don’t keep up with creator commentary. I like to live dangerously.

Favourite transportation: All chocobos are beautiful in their own way. Incidentally, nothing that came after the original game counts as canon to me, and Cloud became a chocobo rancher near Corel. He goes snowboarding with Yuffie, sometimes, when she’s visiting and he’s trying to catch rare breeds in the mountains.

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): Midgar, as a whole. The dirty neon lights hiding eco-terrorists and secret flowerbeds. The ruins in the epilogue, when you end the game unsure whether most of the player characters even survived Holy. It just feels like a lot of love went into creating Midgar.

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: I was discussing Cid’s small pre-final dungeon Loveless monologue with The Friend Who Played Through My Copy Of Final Fantasy VII, and we came to the conclusion that we couldn’t come to a conclusion. It’s just… vague. Is it talking about dying? Who/what is supposed to work as a parallel to this play?Is it just a bad translation?

While we’re at this sort of thing, let’s talk about sequel stuff! and how Zack is what finally ties all the loose ends back together. About Cloud. About Aerith. He’s an explanation and a motivator, and from a story perspective, unimportant as a character with motivations of his own. Ultimately it doesn’t matter why he did what he did, only that he did them. He should never have been in the spotlight. In Final Fantasy VII, Zack would never have been in the spotlight.

Moreover, he’s gone. Aerith, the one who’d most benefit from having some answers, is gone. And it was fine that way.

Best promo: Uh. The FF4 flash ads with ostriches in them.

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: Nibelheim.