#I do not want to mislead

[lurking-latinist]

🐈

[samarecharm]

tiny.

[heynhay]

i love everybody because i love you

[ya-boi-joule]

messy self-indulgent doodles with inconsistent proportions time

bojan and jure dressed in 1780s fancy coats woo

kris dressed in regency clothing

thank you for listening

[bonefall]

what’s up with BB! Puddleshine? been having thoughts about him recently lol. i find it funny that rowanstar grabbed this random child from the nursery and was like ‘bam here’s our brand new doctor and spiritual leader everyone’

(*shaking twelve year old in the background*)

You know what's pretty cool about AVoS, buried underneath the slog of it all? The thing I keep going back to about this arc, in spite of how annoying it is to be forced to say in ThunderClan as everything interesting happens off-screen?

The way that so, so many young warriors are horrifically traumatized by both the structure of the Clans, and the Kin that they turn to.

It's a shame that the Erins were so committed to the idea of the Clan social structure NOT being the problem, because this whole arc is a perfect time to show how flawed it structurally is. LET these kids have a point, that maybe they were rebelling against something broken, but Darktail was a malicious actor who exploited their naivety to serve HIS ends.

A recap of what's happening in BB!AvoS before I explain my intentions with the Puddy Boy;

The big problem that I want Rowanstar to display is a problem that ALL the leaders of this time period also have. Commitment to Clan rivalry.

After Firestar was killed in AVoS by Dark Forest warriors, Bramblestar considers diplomacy secondary as a tactic. "ThunderClan will not be bullied any longer. We have been too soft with the other Clans for too long; and they have humiliated us by taking advantage of our kindness." (Note: Harespring and Breezepelt being part of the assassination patrol is not revealed until TBC. For MAXIMUM drama reveal.)

He escalated a border dispute that Firestar had worked closely and intimately with ShadowClan to resolve; a fight for a knoutberry patch on their border, just before Winter.

After Russetfur died in this painful battle, Blackstar backslid hard from his redemption arc. This caused the Thunder/Shadow alliance to dissolve towards the end of OotS, ending a friendship between the two Clans that had lasted through all of Po3.

He was open to Sol's manipulation, and while Tawnypelt was trying to fight the Dark Forest trainees who took over ShadowClan in the meantime... Rowanclaw became deputy by organizing a patrol of cats to remind Blackstar how much he means to them.

So Rowanstar inherits the Clan with this in mind. ShadowClan solves SHADOWCLAN'S problems. "ThunderClan had a quarrel with WindClan, but decided that we were their enemy. Leaving ourselves open for betrayal was a mistake; if we cannot handle our own problems, we will inevitably succumb to them when our so-called 'allies' don't come to help." (Note: he isn't completely wrong. His words are borderline prophetic for what's about to happen.)

Onestar has a smug chuckle at this. Since taking leadership, he's been appealing to the strongest, hardest members of his Clan. Those who once tried to kill him for his "weakness" in the Civil War. The "lesson" ShadowClan learned is one that he's known since the day Onewhisker died and Onestar was born, on the night of that sabotaged muirburn. "That so-called peace was always a farce. We are warriors of the four Clans; it was always going to come down to honor, and putting ourselves first. My WindClan isn't foolish enough to pretend like ThunderClan ever acted in anything but their own, hidden self-interest."

And Mistystar respects the direction Bramblestar has taken his Clan in, and approves of the "honesty" that the Clans are now showing. "As the branches of the honeysuckle fight and win the light for themselves, sometimes there are beautiful flowers that die in the shade. We can mourn the end of an era, and prepare for a future that will be made all the sweeter for our shared struggle. This is the way of the Clans, and StarClan's solemn light shines upon us all." (Note: god I love writing Misty's speeches)

In the family tree reworkings, Rowanstar is now the brother of Littlecloud. Sons of Brokenstar, honor-sired for Newtspeck.

Littlecloud... is suffering from early onset Alzheimer's.

He didn't want to choose an apprentice after Flametail's horrible death, heartbroken and stressed out, especially when he couldn't reach his nephew through contact with StarClan.

He can't remember, anymore, that Flametail was freed. He keeps forgetting this, over and over

He keeps ending up in different times of his life, where he's best friends with Cinderpelt and still calling Leafpool by her pre-Honor Title name, where he's inventing a mobility device for Wildfur, where he's still escaping the plague and before he knew his mentor caused it, where he's on the Great Journey...

Rowanstar is in a lot of pain, watching his brother forget so many things, scared and confused half the time. He doesn't want to believe that this is really the end, or that... many of these cats are now so young they can't recognize the various eras that Littlecloud is finding himself in.

Puddleshine and Slatefur are going to remain in Pinenose's litter. Either Lion or Birch MIGHT get shuffled to another one; and ALSO the shuffler might survive the Kin. (SO voice which one you want to survive, if you have a preference!)

SO, Violetshine has either two or three adopted siblings... plus another.

Pinenose's oldest surviving child is Happypaw. Happy is the half-sibling of Puddle/Slate-- the death of Weaselkit in the Great Battle caused his parents (Pinenose and Owlclaw) to break up.

(this is why I'm thinking about just reducing the litter to Puddle/Slate, so Violet has three major adoption-siblings to remember instead of four.)

And now we're ready to talk about Puddleshine.

He isn't the first young cat to be shoved into an extremely high-pressure position because of a Cleric becoming incapacitated. Kestrelflight was also forced to become the holy speaker of his people when he was far, far too young, after Barkface died in TNP. He dealt with this obediently, with only Jayfeather ever really being able to get him to think about it in a different light.

Unlike Kestrel, Puddlekit did voice that he was interested in becoming a Cleric, in BB. But he was too young to be properly making that choice, to know what he was getting into. He mentioned it practically offhandedly, and BOOM Rowanstar had rolled him into the position.

But Puddlepaw has a deep sense of responsibility. "Wise beyond his years"-- likely because of how tumultuous his home life was.

His mother's oldest child, Happypaw, was openly a bully of his half-siblings. Pinenose distanced herself from him as a result, causing Happy to be closer to Owlclaw, who was still not over Weaselkit's death.

But Puddle's Ba Spikefur is not a cat who handles his kit's emotions well. Instead, he encourages ambition, tells him to get back at his half-sibling by being more influential than that twerp could ever be.

Puddle will often go to Violet, the new POV, to vent about these things.

And one thing he mentions to her is how amazing Kestrelflight is, when he gets to meet him at the half-moon conferences. He learns SO MUCH from him, it's like he GETS what he's going through...

Puddle doesn't even feel sure that Littlecloud knows what he's doing anymore. If he's learning the right information at all.

But Rowanstar won't DO anything about Littlecloud-- and he CERTAINLY isn't about to let Puddlepaw go train under someone else's Cleric.

As a result of this, Puddlepaw becomes a VERY important member of Sleekpaw's little group. He wasn't one of their friends to begin with, buuuuut...

When he sits to chat with Sleekpaw and Needlepaw, with Happypaw good and far out of earshot, she makes a lot of sense.

A LOT of it.

ShadowClan is run by old men who don't know what they're doing. Rowanstar is too emotional to make good choices. Puddlepaw, barely even old enough to begin apprenticeship, is running all the medicine for an entire Clan.

And, sure, he doesn't have much in the way of a connection to StarClan, no, just a little more spiritual than the average cat...

But who can point this out? If Littlecloud is slowly losing his mind anyway?

"It's not right, how much pressure's on you," Sleekpaw growls, "And it wouldn't be this way if we could challenge Rowanstar. You should be training with Kestrelflight right now."

"But we're dealing with the shells StarClan dealt, and the Clan is looking to you now," Needlepaw points out on behalf of her friend, "You have much more sway than you know."

This time around for BB, Sleekpaw starts as a young hero. She's right. Rowanstar should be challenged, his emotions are affecting the ENTIRE Clan, and Puddlepaw is in a bad position because of it. Needlepaw is like her best diplomat, surely to become her deputy someday.

They would have made an excellent set of leaders for ShadowClan. But they trusted the wrong person, and were exploited. When Darktail and The Kin came to the lake, they were swept up by it, and WindClan began an embargo.

Puddlepaw eventually oversees the Yellowcough Outbreak, and at first just thinks it's Greencough. He has no idea about strains, or the special types of Color Cough that Clan cats have historically dealt with. Even when he finally does learn it's not JUST Greencough, he's powerless to do anything about it. A lot of cats die because of the lack of mullein.

After that, with ShadowClan so weak and the Kin so strong... he's one of the cats who calls for the merge. The most important one, in fact, leveraging his position to say that this is StarClan's will.

Sleekwhisker and Needletail were right all along, and he's happy to stick it right into everyone's faces. Onestar's tantrum of an embargo killed his Clanmates, Rowanstar stopped him from properly training, he's been under pressure from the time he was small with Littlecloud not fit to be a mentor, and he's ready to welcome in ShadowClan's new era as something that is not a Clan.

...unfortunately, it turned out to be the wrong choice. Not because his thought process was wrong. But because Darktail had other plans in-mind.

[camgoloud]

he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care

[mayhemspreadingguy]

Today I woke up and chose silliness!

(yes, the mood of my posts is all over the place but this is what you signed up for, it's literally in the name x'D)

This is another contribution to the silly rabbit au (by @cuubism ) featuring @magnusbae 's Dream in a hoodie.

[fallinglikemagic]

Okay, I've gone back and forth on this a bit but I think I've made a decision and I wanted to properly make a statement on it real quick - I'm not going to be responding to any asks I get asking me to boost fundraiser/donation posts. I've gotten a few from people in Palestine as of late, but this does also apply to fundraisers for other matters as well.

The reason for this is that I am very gullible and bad at telling when somebody is lying or unreliable, and I tend to take things at face value. I don't trust myself not to fall for a scam, and while I might be willing to take that risk on my main blog that only has like 30 active followers (still undecided on that one honestly), I'm not willing to take that risk on this blog where I have a much larger following.

WITH THAT BEING SAID, I am happy to share any masterposts or lists of fundraisers that have been 100% vetted and confirmed to be real by a reliable source. Feel free to put some in my inbox or the replies/reblogs on this post if y'all want, I'll gladly reblog them :)

EDIT: Going to pin this post and add some links at the bottom to some of the biggest masterposts of fundraisers and other ways people can help. Feel free to send me any posts that I should add here.

Vetted Evacuation Fundraisers List

Daily Click To Help Palestine (arab.org)

Gazafunds.com

Operation Olive Branch

RWBY Gotcha4Gaza Donor Sign-Ups

[goldiipond]

sweet dreams

[supercantaloupe]

saw a post last night complaining that the sound of music film and its popularity contribute to the "universalization of the holocaust" and that by depicting an austrian catholic gentile family's opposition to the nazi regime instead of being about jews, it paints some kind of false picture of who the nazis' real targets were. and i'm sorry but that is such a narrow minded, externally motivated reading of the film/musical. and i say this as a jew who broadly agrees that holocaust universalization and the sidelining of "the jewish problem" (as it was known in that era) in film and media is a genuine and pervasive problem. the sound of music...that is really not the right target for your ire, my friend

[indigovigilance]

This application's optional diversity section gives me 100 characters to describe my sexual orientation and I have so many conflicting feelings on how to address this. My top choices are:

You know how if you live in a small town and someone asks you where you live, you just give them the name of the nearest city? That's what I mean by gay.

I can explain to you why other people are attracted to David Tennant and I cannot explain to you why Michael Sheen's smile turns my brain into goo. That's my sexuality.

Queer.

Edit: these are law school apps so I’m going to throw in a SCOTUS reference:

In the words of Justice Potter Stewart, I know it when I see it.

Vavoom, sorted.

[silviakundera]

another snippet from the Grand Princess novel. I am going to be SO ANNOYING about this. (spoilers for their first life! )

Although he didn’t want to admit it, Pei Wenxuan still remembered that at the beginning of their marriage, when he lifted Li Rong’s veil, she raised her head and looked up at him with embarrassment and curiosity. Then, when they exchanged cups of wine, she said in a frank manner: “Wenxuan, no matter how we came to be together, having become husband and wife, I still want to live with you for the rest of my life.” At that time, he also seriously thought that he would live with Li Rong, have children and live peacefully for the rest of their lives.

That was, until Li Rong found out that he liked Qin Zhenzhen.

In truth, he didn’t even know what kind of feelings there were between him and Qin Zhenzhen, whether it was love or merely responsibility. They grew up together as children, and he only had her in his heart and hoped to live with Qin Zhenzhen for the rest of his life, but he could not do so.

Later on, Qin Zhenzhen married Li Rong’s brother, Crown Prince Li Chuan.

As Crown Prince, Li Chuan was a good Crown Prince but not a good husband. He married for political reasons, so although he was just the Crown Prince at the time, he already had a Princess Consort and four concubines. Qin Zhenzhen had a mild temperament and was unfamiliar with Palace affairs. If not for the Crown Prince’s favor and Pei Wenxuan’s help, she would have been long buried in the schemes of the Eastern Palace.

He helped her. Li Rong naturally knew about it, but she didn’t mention it at first. Later on, when he secretly rescued Qin Zhenzhen at a palace banquet and almost was exposed, Li Rong could only step in and help him with arrangements.

That day, they were sitting in the carriage on their way home, and Li Rong was silent. He was a little panicked at that time and wanted to explain, but he didn’t know what to explain because he felt that no matter what Li Rong said, she would be right.

Then, Li Rong returned home and after entering the bedchambers, she walked to the table and poured tea for herself. She turned her back to him and asked: “Do you like her?”

Pei Wenxuan stood at the door. He actually intended to say no, but he felt that it would not be completely truthful, so he replied honestly: “I can’t forget her.”

“What is your relationship with her?”

Li Rong held the cup of tea and looked very calm. Pei Wenxuan still told her the truth, their engagement when they were young because they were childhood sweethearts. After his family had fallen, the Qin family annulled the engagement, and Qin Zhenzhen was forced to marry into the Eastern Palace…

“I just wanted to help her,” He said in a low voice, “No other intentions. She’s the Crown Prince’s Side Consort now. There’s nothing else I can do.”

After he had spoken, Li Rong didn’t speak for a long time. That silence became a deeply engraved impression of that night for Pei Wenxuan.

He saw that Li Rong kept drinking water, one cup after another. After a while, Li Rong seemed to calm down. She turned her head, stared at him and only asked: “Will you betray me?”

“No.” He answered immediately. He looked at her, “You’re my wife.”

“I’m not your wife.”

Li Rong looked at him with a serious expression: “I’m just your ally.”

These words stunned Pei Wenxuan. Li Rong turned and looked out the window and calmly continued: “In this marriage, you and I had no choice and only did it for power. Truthfully speaking, there’s not one bit of love between us. You have someone in your heart, and I have someone in my heart. It’s just that we didn’t make it clear before and had some misunderstandings. Now that it’s clear, it doesn’t matter.”

“It’s not a big deal either,” Li Rong laughed, her tears seemed like they could fall at any time, “Why didn’t you say so sooner?”

Pei Wenxuan stared blankly at her. He wanted to deny it, but he felt that Li Rong wasn’t wrong either. There was no such love between him and Li Rong because it was impossible for a person to truly love two people at the same time. He already had Qin Zhenzhen in his heart, so how could he make room for Li Rong?

Seeing that he still had not spoken, Li Rong lowered her head and softly said: “If you make it clear, then it won’t be a problem. We will live as we have in the future, but I hope Pei daren remembers this in his heart:

I’m not your wife, and you’re not my husband. I don’t care who is in your heart, and you don’t need to care about who I am with. You and I will have our own lives, and we will each have our own happiness.”

“As long as Pei daren promises me,” Li Rong looked at him, her eyes sharp as a hawk, “You and I are allies, so we must never betray one another.”

That evening, it also rained.

Just like now, the rain was pouring down.

[turtleations]

Interview with Mayuko's mother, Kishi Kazuko - Translation

This one comes with a big "Thank you!" to magnetklaue, who proofread it for me and helped me get rid of typos and some awkward phrases.

The Interview was posted on 1 May 2018, the interviewer was Fukui Shiho. The original post is here.

On we go:

20 Years after the death of X JAPAN’s hide: His secret history with a girl with an incurable disease, “The Promised Cheesecake”

The bond between them, inherited by YOSHIKI

On the 2nd of May, it has been 20 yeas since the sudden passing of X JAPAN’s guitarist hide. He has fascinated the world with his bright red hair and his yellowhearts-guitar. When tracing hide’s steps, one girl stands out: Kishi Mayuko, who was battling GM1 gangliosidosis, an incurable disease. She was the 23rd person worldwide to be diagnosed with this disease, and the doctors had told her that she was unlikely to live to be twenty. In 1995, while fighting her illness, Mayuko got to fulfil her dream to “meet hide, the person she admired”, with the help of “Make a Wish Japan”, an organisation that fulfils the wishes of children with incurable diseases.

Their interaction continued after this, and even after hide passed away, his friends and associates kept spending time with her. Eleven years after hide’s death, Mayuko also left this world. There is a place in Wakayama-prefecture where you can still feel the two of them breathing: “Lemoned Café”, run by Mayuko’s parents. The first floor houses the café, and the second floor a live house, with posters and goods related to hide displayed everywhere. We interviewed Kazuko-san, Mayuko’s mother.

When did Mayuko-san start liking hide-san?

She came to like him when she was hospitalized in the fifth year of primary school and listened to a CD of our older daughter while in hospital. She listened to CDs all the time, and when she got to come home for the weekend, she also watched videos in her room. She especially liked X JAPAN and hide-san, and aside from that, she also listened to the CDs of artists hide-san had said were good.

How did you meet hide-san?

There is a volunteer organisation called “Make a Wish Japan”, which is “fulfilling the dreams of incurably ill children aged three to eighteen”. I had been told that her illness would be difficult to treat with current western medicine, and so I thought, “I want to make at least one of her wishes come true” and called them up. Things got moving from there and it turned out we’d be able to meet him. I called around September 1995 and informed them that I was getting tickets for the concert on 31 December at Tokyo Dome, and they suggested, “Let’s have the meeting there.”

What did you talk about with hide-san?

When Mayuko told him “I’m going to be hospitalized in February, so please write to me”, he said, “I will, because we’re friends.” After it was clear that she would get to meet him, Mayuko spend two months knitting a scarf for him with her hands that could barely move. She gave it to hide-san and he wrapped it around himself right there and then.

The person she was dreaming of was right there!

During that time, the press was around for about fifteen minutes, and once they were gone, hide-san said, “Let’s go to the afterparty together.” That’s where the interaction with hide-san started, and he also introduced her to his band members as “My friend Mayuko”.

It’s hard to believe that he introduced her as a friend! He could just have ended it after those first fifteen minutes with a “See you later!”

Yes, he could. At first, I thought, “This is all there is to it.” But our interactions continued ever since.

That must have made you happy.

It did. He even continued to use the scarf she gave him that day. Hide-san’s mother told us, “Since he’s always wearing the same kind of outfit, that scarf is very useful to him.” Even when he went to the US, he always put it in his suitcase, she said. I heard that one time, when there was a lot of luggage, his manager took the scarf out, but hide-san said, “Not this one!” and insisted on taking it with him. After his death, the scarf was returned to us as a memento, and we still have it.

How long did that relationship last?

Two and a half years, from our first meeting until hide-san died. However, I think we made very meaningful memories in that time. Even after Mayuko passed away, some of hide-san’s friends continued to give live shows on the second floor and write “Mayuko, I’m here!” onto coloured paper. But I think that was because they thought, “I respected hide, and Mayuko was someone he adored”. I feel like Mayuko herself appealed to them as well, but for the most part, it was hide-san’s greatness that drove them.

It’s because they were both wonderful. Do you have any memories with hide-san you want to share?

We first met on 31 December and received a letter from him in January. It read, “I’m going to Los Angeles, but I’m grateful that I got to meet Mayuko at the Dome, because thanks to this meeting, I was reminded of things that I had forgotten." Her birthday was on the fourth of March, but she spent it in the hospital. Hide-san was overseas at that time, but he came to visit her at the hospital one day ahead of his scheduled return.

What kind of person was hide-san?

A caring one. When we first met, we were gathered in the waiting room until we went to the afterparty, and he asked, “Mayuko, aren’t you thirsty?” There was a cooler box in the corner of the room, and for an artist as big as hide-san, it wouldn’t be at all unusual to ask someone from the staff to get it. But he did everything himself. He got out some Oolong tea, opened the tap, put in the straw, said, “There, Mayuko.” When it came to his own guests, he did everything on his own. His stance was that the staff came for the purpose of making music, so he wouldn’t have them do anything else.

He was a kind person, wasn’t he?

There’s more; in order to avoid causing a commotion, his visits were kept a secret from anyone but the attending physicians and the nurses. But one day, there was a boy who was very depressed because he had been readmitted to the hospital immediately after being discharged.  Upon seeing this, a nurse tried to cheer him up by telling him, “hide-san will come to see Mayu-chan tomorrow, maybe you can get his autograph.” And so, word got around. Everyone was lining up in front of the visitation room, holding coloured paper. There were 12 or 13 people in line, but when the situation was explained to him, hide-san had everyone come in one by one, took two pictures with each one, gave them his autograph. He did that for about four hours.

Even though he was insanely busy at that time.

He was. But he also made the children that were there very happy. On the morning of the day Mayuko’s condition got critical, I said to hide-san on the phone, “She might not make it.” When I told him, “If she could just hear your voice, even on the phone, one more time,” he rushed over immediately.

He was in Tokyo at that time?

Getting there took him about two hours. When I went to escort hide-san to the entrance of the sterile room, I found that his parents had also come. I couldn’t help but burst into tears.

So it wasn’t just a relationship between hide-san and Mayuko-san, but also between their families.

Yes, we are still in contact with each other.

What is the story behind your store’s signature dish, the “Promised Cheesecake”?

There was a notebook in which we wrote about our feelings as parents, about Mayuko’s condition and all, and on the first page of it, hide-san wrote a message. It seems he learned from someone that Mayuko loved cheesecake, so he left the message “Let’s have a cheesecake together that’s so amazing it turns into cheese.” However, he passed away before Mayuko was well enough to eat cheesecake again, so they never got to eat it together. When we started our shop, we served cheesecake because she liked it. Later, when Mayuko passed away, I put a lot of cheesecake in her coffin, saying, “You can finally eat cheesecake with hide-chan.” When someone heard that story, they said, “You should turn that story into a decent name,” and so I came up with “The promised cheesecake”.

That’s a wonderful episode.

The fact that he wrapped that scarf around himself, and came rushing when she was in critical condition… There’s so much more. The last time we saw hide-san was after X JAPAN’s Last Live, when he invited us to the afterparty at his office. At that time, Mayuko just had a transplant and couldn’t eat raw food. Hide-san said, “Mayuko can only have food that has been cooked, right?” and handed us cooked food, saying, “Here, this is for Mayuko.” After that, he got food for me, my husband, and my older daughter, saying, “Anything is fine.” I think he was worried that we might be too restrained to eat much. It seems that he liked making people happy, and he did everything by himself. We were the first to leave, but he came to see us off to the car.

When his fans come to the café, I tell them a lot of stories like this. I want to convey to them, “Your beloved hide-chan was such a wonderful person.”

Hide-san really was wonderful, wasn’t he?

However, the people around X JAPAN and hide-san are all like that. The seventh anniversary of Mayuko’s death came up in 2015, and we were discussing doing something for it at the store, when GEORGE (Abiko Shinonkai, LADIESROOM), who often performs on the second floor, said, “If we put word out, everyone will come. We might not be able to schedule it for Wakayama, so let’s do it at a live house in Chiba”, and we did a two-days event. PATA-san came on both days. YOSHIKI-san had something else scheduled, so he sent a video message. TAKURO of GLAY also send a video message. J-san, SUGIZO-san, and RYUICHI-san of LUNA SEA also performed on stage. There were so many others who participated.

At the time of her funeral, PATA-san and INA-san were among those that came for it. When we told the people of hide-san’s office that she had passed away, they closed the office in Tokyo and everyone came as well. They also send a fax to the music industry, because “Mayuko-chan was one of us, so we will let everyone know.” Then, we received flowers from all over the country, around 80 bouquets or so. I was surprised. That they would go that far for us.

Were there people who acted ungraciously towards Mayuko-san out of jealousy?

When the story of her meeting hide-san through Make a Wish was aired on TV, they checked the contents of the letters meant for us at the TV station, because “there might be some nasty ones”. But there were no such letters at all, so the people from the station said, “It’s probably okay to send them directly” and passed them on to us unopened. Even then, there was not a single on that I didn’t like.

That’s amazing! Even though he had so many fans.

Yes. There even was one person who wrote, “I used to refuse to go to school, but I started again when I saw Mayuko working so hard.”

Mayuko-san was an inspiration.

I got this kind of comment several times. Also, Mayuko never said it was hard. A nurse once asked her, “Why do you never talk about how exhausting and painful it is?” She replied, “If I say it’s hard, hearing that would make it even harder for my mother.”…

Both hide-san and Mayoko-san were caring people.

That’s probably where they were on the same wavelength.

Even though she was still in her teens and it was difficult for her.

About a year after her transplant, her condition became critical. At that time, the boy in the next room was also in a bad state, and it was a situation where people would wonder, “Which of them is going to die first?” When Mayuko heard that the boy was celebrating his ninth birthday those days, she asked me, “Please buy ten flowers, one for each year, with money from my wallet, and give them to him.” When I told her, “He’s nine years old,” I got the reply, “He worked hard to make it to nine years, so it matters if he gets even one day closer to being ten.” It’s the weight of a single day that only a child battling illness can understand.

In that sense, when hide-can gave us hope, he didn’t speak of things far in advance. When he says, “I’ll call you the day after tomorrow,” doesn’t it make you think that you will do your best until the day after tomorrow? It’s not, “We’ll do this after you get better.” Instead of speaking of vague big things, he would talk about simple goals that were within reachable distance. He was someone who encouraged people that way. I guess that was the way hide-san was thinking.

They were both really amazing. Hide-san also registered as a bone marrow donor.

That’s right. There was a press conference when he did, but hide-san hadn’t intended for it to become such a big deal. When they heard, “Hide-san says he’s going to register as a donor, how should we go about that?” from someone at the office, people started to talk about it. Someone who happened to know about this matter set the conference up, and afterwards, hide-san was angry, saying, “I didn’t want for it to be this way, I was going to do it just like anyone else.” That said, eight people from his staff at that time and from those who came for the news coverage ended up registering as donors as well.

What did Mayuko-san think when she heard about hide-san’s donor registration?

I told her about it, thinking it would make her happy. But when I did so, she bust into tears. As a matter of fact, because she was herself a recipient of a transplant, she couldn’t register as a donor for the rest of her life. That’s why she said, “I can’t have a donor card with hide-chan.”

I guess those were feelings only she could have.

She said, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get that card. I was taken aback.

When did Mayuko-san learn about hide-san’s death?

On the day he passed away, she had an examination at the hospital. She had turned her mobile phone off for the examination, and when she turned it back on afterwards, she immediately heard from a friend that he had died. She called his manager right away and was told, “Yes, it’s true. We wanted to let you know before you heard it from anyone else, but we couldn’t get through.” She had actually been planning to go to the pub run by hide-san’s parents in Yokosuka that evening after her hospital visit, and she had heard that “if circumstances allowed it, hide-san might be there too.” (After hearing about this death) Mayuko was so depressed she didn’t speak, didn’t eat. The morning of the next day, I received a phone call from hide-san’s mother, who asked, “Will it have an impact on Mayu-chan’s health, what happened to hide?”

Even though her own son had just passed away, she was so concerned about Mayuko-san.

Both parent and child were so kind. So, when Mayuko went to Tsukiji-Honganji (where hide’s body was laid to rest), a lot of people talked to her there. One musician told her, “I used to go drinking with hide, and before we got drunk, he would say, ‘Now that Mayuko’s condition has improved, I am a little more at ease’, and then he’d drink.” Others also told her this, and even a work friend from L.A. let her know that hide-san told them, “If Mayuko’s health gets a little better, I want to show her around Los Angeles.”

It’s sad to hear stories like that.

But, you see, everyone was like that. When the time came for the final parting at Honganji, YOSHIKI-san took Mayuko’s hand next to the coffin and said, “Mayu-chan, until now hide has taken care of you. From now on, all of us are going to do that.”

YOSHIKI-san took good care of Mayuko-san as well, even though that time was painful for him, too.

When we returned to the waiting room from the venue of the afterparty that first time we met, YOSHIKI-san was there. When hide-san asked him, “What’s up?”, he said, “I was waiting for the two of you,” and the three of them walked on holding hands. He also came to our house after hide-san had passed away.

You are all connected by your feelings for hide-san, aren’t you?

It’s amazing how that relationship continues even now, isn’t it? When hide-san died, I thought that would be the end of it, but it has kept going past that point. Even now that Mayuko has passed away, it’s still going on. I am grateful for that.

Back then, Mayuko was exchanging mails with hide-san. Really short ones, like Mayuko telling him, “I started to keep goldfish” and hide-san sending, “Lately, it’s been raining all the time.” It was all trivial. But, in the period between X JAPAN’s breakup being decided and the announcement being made, hide-san told her, “Mayuko, your mails really comforted me.”

They were connected to each other in their hearts, weren’t they? A lot of people come to Lemoned Café, but what kind of place do you want it to be?

For some reason, even people who come here for the first time end up calling us “Mom and Dad”. There are even people who come from far away, so we want to keep it open as much as we can. Everyone is coming, so I want to continue doing this event for an entire year.

The day of the interview was the monthly anniversary of Mayuko's passing. The customers at the café ranged from people who had met Mayuko in person to high school students who had come to the café for the first time in April, and it was impressive to watch them chat cheerfully with each other. When asked about Mayuko, they all said, “She was a really kind girl, like an angel” and “She was a mysterious person who makes me feel like the bad side of me is being cleansed when I talk about her.” One woman said, “There are a lot of sacred places, but this one feels like home.”  Even now, the memory of hide and Mayuko-san lives on inside many people’s hearts.

[stuckinapril]

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[anyablackwood]

Friendly reminder that "Kill Your Darlings" doesn't mean murder your characters.

It means delete those sentences that are fucking with the rest of the scene, no matter how much you like them. (I mean, you obviously CAN kill off your characters, and you shouldn't be afraid to, if it feels right to you.) But the point isn't that you HAVE to. It's about those banger lines that just don't fit.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hi! I wanted to congratulate you with finishing Season 1 of mdzs and thank you for your art and blog! It's really funny and always brightens my day.

I'm not an artist but I wanted to make something nice for you so please accept this (actually poorly-drawn) fanart and wishes to have inspiration and many plot bunnies for either Season 2 or other art projects, as well as nice summer (whichever form it takes wherever you are)!

Thank you again!

If I can impart anything (besides a good laugh out of readers) it's that the line between artist and non-artist is imaginary. You made this lovely piece of art; you are an artist now B*)