#I do genuinely want a graduate degree tho.

[cesium-sheep]

I keep saying I wish I could work but actually I just wish I had reliable recurring income, because I am entirely capable of coming up with projects and ways to occupy my time on my own, but having an actual w2 job even if it's very part time is the only way to get reliable money (unless my disability compensation gets approved). gigs and sales and shit all depends entirely on my ability and willingness to hustle, which is extremely fucking low, because I can't physically afford to do that much work on spec. if I'm spending my energy I need to get something out of it, I don't have enough to gamble with.

[mihai-florescu]

You dont know what to major in? Can i recommend you the foolproof mihai method of just flipping a coin?

[13mo]

ive been following u for years, u havent been posting for so long, so i wanted to ask if u will ever be back nd posting again? love ur art nd i was just curious whats happening nd what to expect. don't plan on unfollowing regardless tho love u hope ur ok

I have quite a few asks to this degree so I feel it's important to answer than mentally avoid them for the rest of my blogging career.

I have really lost my drive for digital art and drawing all together. Basically, the last time staff tried to delete my blog, it forced me to realize that if this one ever disappeared, it would end every thing. The only remnants I would have would be from random reblogs, stolen reposts, or the random things on the wayback machine and pinterest. If years of my art & my progress would mean nothing & be gone in an instant, posting here at all began to mean nothing.

I don't appreciate how tumblr treats it's marginalized users and I know this is a rising concern with plenty of other users.

I also stopped drawing consistently around the time I graduated and moved across the county. Where some people flourish from such big changes, I did not. I lost all creative drive from the struggles of adult life, finances, time management, and so on. It happens! LOL

Genuinely, the lack of creative output in my life was depressing. Making art depresses me, not making art depresses me. It's an ongoing process to convince myself it is still worth the time and effort. I hope to someday get back in to the flow of creativity that use to encompass my (entire) life. I actually plan on it. However, I don't know if I'll ever feel up to start posting here consistently again. If I do, it might be a while.

I appreciate all of your concern and support. The years we've put in to this blog, the friends I've met, and the memories I've made have been wonderful. With that being said, I really wouldn't be so hurt if you unfollowed me:-)

[melverie]

I love Marchosias 🫶🫶

Oh wow, what a crazy coincidence, look who came to say hi!!

I still need to make a dedicated post for her but until then some random Maze lore because!!!!!!! Taking any & every chance I get to yap about her

She has discovered a spell that makes Solomon's cooking edible to some degree. Exclusively uses it to enable Solomon, and to lull unsuspecting people into a false sense of safety. Because while the effects of Solomon's magic is suppressed and not noticeableat first, it is still very much present. So if you eat too much, you still have to deal with the consequences <3

Back in the Celestial Realm her only friend was Raphael. She doesn't remember him anymore, but he remembers her and is glad she got to grow up happy

I have. Accidentally made her demon design very dragon coded. Considering how much I love dragons I guess that was unavoidbale, but my god do I feel silly about it in a way

Has a secret blackmail folder on the student body, and MC is her main source of intel on the brothers

She has two huge scars on her back where her angel wings used to be

Her childhood friends are Baal and Aym, two demons who also have a pact with Solomon (remember me mentioning I have two more vague concepts for OCs? Them <3). They're brothers with Baal being the older one. Depending on his mood, Aym is either aloof or impulsive and violent, though he is genuinely well-meaning (usually). Baal on the other hand seems incredibly charming and good-natured, to the point you don't even realize just how manipulating he actually is. Also Aym is part of the newspaper club while Baal has already graduated RAD, maybe..??

Like I said, I haven't settled on how I want them to be like exactly 😭 They love shape-shifting tho!! You'll see them tailing people as cats every once in a while

[phoward89]

Based on this ask

Written special for my amazing moot @swiftieblyth

Everything seemed to be looking up for you. The last couple of months have been great. Your old friends, the ones that had backstabbed you, were no longer in your vicinity and you made new friends out of Clemensia Dovecote and Persephone Price, the girlfriend of Festus Creed. Coryo was leery of Persephone tho; even called her a cannibal because her father, Nero, had cut a dead maid's leg off to feed his family during the war.

Yea, that disturbed you a bit, but you didn't hold it against Persephone. She was a kid; most likely didn't know what she was eating. You always swatted your boyfriend's chest when he started his cannibal talk.

And talk about Coryo, oh he was just the best boyfriend to you. Truly, he was amazing. Despite his cold, stoic, callous nature he was very loving, genuine, and thoughtful with you.

Everything was going great, until it wasn't…

It was mid-June, University’s spring semester was over, Coryo graduated with a double major degree in Political Science and Military Strategy, and he was now deep in his work as the youngest assistant gamemaker in the history of Panem. And that happens to be whenever the bullshit drama with your ‘friends’ started up again. It started with little things, really.

Like they'd walk past you when you're at the mall with Clemmie and Persephone- making snide remarks under their breath. Remarks that'd have Clemmie serving them cunt with loud clap backs that made your ‘friends’ recoil with embarrassment. Clemmie and Persephone wanted you to tell Coryo about your old friends stalking you on shopping trips; saying nasty things about you under their breath while passing by, but you told them that it wasn't bad enough for Coryo to know. That they're blowing it up into something bigger then it is. You even made Persephone promise not to tell Festus, for fear that he'd tell Coryo since they're like best friends.

Of course your girls agreed to keep the low key mall drama about your ‘friends’ to themselves. But they did make you promise to tell Coryo about it if it got too bad.

And you didn't intend to keep that promise, until one day you had to.

Things were escalating with your old friends to the point where they were trash talking you on social media- again. This time tho, well, they're dragging your boyfriend into it. Saying that he has to fight your battles, that he fights dirty by fucking up people's lives just cause you can't deal with being called out with shit, that he has to ruin everyone that looks at you the wrong way, etc, etc, etc. You knew that Coryo wasn't big on social media (he had a Pangram account, but he rarely posts or goes on it) and hoped that he wouldn't find out about the ‘friends’ drama 2.0, but unfortunately for you his other friends did have social media.

And of fucking course Festus Creed had told Coryo all about the drama. Even showed him the slew of nasty posts that the salty bitches were posting about you and him. And to say those posts pissed your boyfriend off was an understatement. He was absolutely livid.

So livid that he wants to kill all of these ‘friends’ of yours that’re talking shit. Between trash talking you and dragging the Snow name thru the mud, well, those girls better run far far away from the Capitol and fast.

But now that Coriolanus knows what's wrong he understands why you've been sulking lately. It's been frustrating for him seeing you stay in bed, buried underneath the blankets all day for days on end; not wanting to do anything. But now he understands why.

And he's determined to make you feel better.

“I bought you a new book from that author you like.” Coryo told you, walking into the bedroom you share only to see you in bed, reading a book that he swears you reread about 5-or-6 times already.

“Thank you, Coryo.” You weakly smile, feeling blah even tho you're reading one of your emotional support books.

“Festus showed me the posts that those girls are posting about us, my darling.” Your blonde boyfriend confronted you while walking over to the bed and sitting next to you. Placing a supportive hand on your knee, he asks, “Why didn't you tell me they started their bullshit again?”

Closing your book, you looked down in embarrassment and sighed, “I don't want you thinking that you have to come to my rescue over this. It's my problem with these girls, not yours.”

Placing the new book he got you on the bedside table, he gently cupped your cheeks in his large, calloused hands and tilted your head back slightly so your eyes met his baby blues. “Y/N, baby, it's my job to take care of you and protect you because I'm your boyfriend; I love you.”

Your eyes began to well up with tears. “I don't know why, I'm such a loser. You could do better, find somebody that doesn't need you to defend them all the time.” You sniffled.

Hearing you talk like that because of those ‘friends’ of yours broke his heart. Coriolanus thinks that you're amazing. You're a beautiful person with a beautiful soul who made his dark withered up heart bloom and beat with love again. How could you think he deserves better when all he wants, needs, and loves is you?

Rationally, Coryo knows that it's depression and anxiety due to the situation talking and not really you, but that doesn't mean he truly understands your words. They hurt him because he just wants you to be happy; to be happy with him.

Your platinum blonde boyfriend pressed a soft feather light kiss to your forehead only to wrap his arms around you and pull you down onto the bed to cuddle with him. “You're not a loser, darling. You're perfect for me.” He assures you, kissing the tip of your cute nose. “You know that I'm here for you, baby. You can talk to me or not, but I'm here.”

And Coryo was there for you. He did everything in his power to pull you out of your depression and to help you settle down your anxiety. He ordered your favorite pastries, coffee, and refreshers from the high end coffee shop down the street from your penthouse, only to surprise you with brunch in Grandma’am's rooftop rose garden. It was a very romantic and thoughtful gesture. One that brought a smile to your face.

Coryo also played all of your favorite board games with you in another attempt to cheer you up. The two of you sat on the bedroom floor, rolling dice, dealing fake paper money, and trying to line up little letter blocks to make words while playing game after game over glasses of wine.

Coriolanus never played board games before he got with you because, honestly, his family was too poor to afford them. But when you moved in with him and brought your game collection, well, he'd play them with you once in a while. But now that you're in a funk, well, he's busting out the games more often than not to put a smile on your face.

Even when he comes home dead tired from preparations for the upcoming 14th Hunger Games, he's still finding the time to cheer you up. To support you.

And then when he's too tired to do anything and sees that you're having a hard time with your depression; that you haven't left the bed since he left in the morning, he orders pizza for the two of you and binge watches your favorite movie series with you. He cuddles you in bed, letting you curl up in his side, while watching TV in bed and reminding you how much you mean to him.

Coryo's also devising some plans to permanently get rid of the girls that are so mean to you, but you didn't need to know that. All you needed to know was that he's your loving and devoted boyfriend who will always be by your side no matter what.

And one day when he's President Coriolanus Snow and you're his First Lady Y/N Snow everyone will be too scared to say anything mean and hateful about either one of you. And if they do, well…they won't be breathing too long afterwards once he has a special afternoon tea with them.

Tags: @kuroosbby001 @purriteen @poppyflower-22 @meetmeatyourworst @whipwhoops @bxtchopolis @readingthingsonhere @savagenctzen @ryswritingrecord @erikasurfer @tulips2715 @universal-s1ut @thesmutconnoisseur @squidscottjeans @sudek4l @wearemadeofstardust0 @mashiromochi @gracieroxzy @belcalis9503 @shari-berri @aoi-targaryen @whiteoakoak @spear-bearing-bi-witch @gisellesprettylies @loverandqueenofdragons @qoopeeya @mfnqueen1 @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88 @v-love @joyfulyouthlover @harvey-malfoy @tian-monique @chxrrybomb22 @marvel-hiddles-stark @xjinnix @devils-blackrose @zombicupcake3 @jacesvelaryons

[strlitetheatre]

MARK CHASITY THOUGHTS !!

thank you @biscuits-spooky-diner [ sorry for the tag again lol ] for reminding me w ur reblog i went fucking bananas w this LMAO

a lot of these are heavily headcanon-centric and i wanna preface that before i get into it bc i know some people may not agree!! thats fine!! i just like thinking these silly lil things

thoughts below the cut because its a Lot and i may add to this but idk?? shrugs we'll see

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starting off strong, i really am a sucker for the 'two [ or more ] characters that one actor/actress plays are related on some level' concept and i believe mark and duke are cousins bc CAN U IMAGINEE

theyre cousins on their moms sides but their moms dont really get along due to differing views and ways of parenting, but mark and duke are pretty close. theyre each others favourite cousin

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mark and karen are both gay in opposite directions but they were very close friends growing up due to overlapping social groups (their parents, church groups, most likely abstinence camp goers, etc), and because of their respective families and being unable to be true to themselves, they got married and had grace very early after they graduated highschool

mark loves karen very much, but purely platonically. he is the type to tease her, sometimes poke fun at her, and he respects her immensely! they both work insanely well as a duo, and they hold down the fort of their picket fence home extremely well, but they are not in love

he n karen live a very domestic life, they can even be pretty physically affectionate at times [ hugs, cuddling, kisses to the head, cheeks, hands even ] and share quick 'i love you's before separating for the day, but something about it was always just slightly askew from romantic love and affection

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circling back to highschool, mark and ted definitely had a secret on-again-off-again relationship for at least a few months to a year.

they inevitably fell out because ted was sick and tired of being kept as a secret [ i have so so many thoughts about the spankoffskis too dont get me started on that tho ] and ended up giving mark an ultimatum: either choose to stay with ted and become public, or choose his family and run away from himself

i think its clear which mark chose. they dont talk much anymore

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his middle name is anthony :33 no reason for this i just think it fits. mark anthony chasity :3333

he is a very sensitive man! growing up was extremely hard for him between an overbearing and coddling mother, and a hardassed and pushy father, and being heavily sheltered on top of it all

he wasnt shown a lot of genuine love and affection growing up (his mother would lovebomb him, his father didnt believe he needed it, and they were both pretty strict considering he was their only child) and he tries to do better with grace but still ends up unintentionally repeating cycles out of wanting to keep her 'safe'

he truly does love his daughter, he loves grace s o fucking much, but he n karen didnt have many positive role models to base themselves off of parenting-wise, therefore carrying a lot of fabricated truth into their relationships both separately and together with grace

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mark has an architecture degree and he would love to be an actual architect but alas. realty was what he could get into

hes the one in charge of most of the chasity homes interior decoration! he has an eye for colours n specifically he really enjoys pastels, but his favourite colour overall is actually green

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MARK CHASITY IS THE MARK FROM WORKIN BOYS [ getting forcefully pulled off stage, gripping the mic ] PLEASE P[LEASE JUSR HEAR ME OUT

before mark began working in realty, he worked at a bank. golden parachutes bank [ 'golden parachutes' is something mentioned in show stoppin number w like no context?? this concept is my gfs idea tho ] [ **I WAS INFORMED ITS A BUSINESS TERM but atp i feel like hatchetfield Would have a bank named after a business term lmfao ]

mark met greg through duke when he was about 20 or so [ I ALSO FIRMLYY BELIEVE THE GREG FROM WORKIN BOYS IS MAXS DAD BUT MY JÄGERMAN FAMILY TREE IS A WHOOOLEE OTHER CAN OF WORMS ], began seeing him, and greg was the one to bring mark into the polycule around 23-24

all of them worked at the bank! henry hidgens was one of the younger executives there

HIS N HENRYS DYNAMIC SPECIFICALLY was never sexual i believe, but it wasnt healthy overall because there was a power imbalance between them, and i also believe mark wouldve been one of the younger men in the polycule

henry and mark had a very 'wolf and lamb' dynamic, mark being perceived and treated as 'innocent' due to how he carries himself and how he was raised, and henry sometimes doing specific things to intimidate and even scare mark

all in all things do not go well. yeah. i am Not gonna get too deep into that bc it delves into pure indulgent au headcanon bullshit [ this entire post rlly lol ] but to shorten it: i believe mark to be a sole survivor of the workin boys incident in some aus and after the deaths of the boys he quits the banking job n goes into realty god bles

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coughs. anyway. he really likes historical art and i believe mark n grace are so similar in how theyre both So abnormal about historical things [ graces general interest and infatuation w the waylon place and its history that she basically infodumps about in npmd ]

he would infodump about historical pieces and their stories to anyone that would listen, which is usually his wife or daughter

SPEAKING of historical art n bringing back his architecture degree, when grace was around 10 mark built her an exactly-to-scale miniature replica of the waylon place as a dollhouse, down to the scaffolding, lighting, wall decor, etc

it took him years and was a complete surprise. it is his favourite and most pride-inducing project to date, even more bc it was for his baby

[xproskeith]

can you tell i'm bored-

please answer those. i also drew a ghost for you. because i'm bored. i'm gonna answer my asks too lmao HAVE FUN!

Lmao ok but I actually love this. The you wrote it out AND the ghost! Tis the season!! 👻🎃 Now let's begin!

11: best friend?

My best friend is awesome! His name is Ben and we've been friends since we met at college for our first degrees (we'd both end up going back for nursing later. He ended up following me on that front). But we really started to get closer after we both graduated and especially after I moved back to New Orleans after moving home after graduation for a year and a half. He's just a really cool and chill guy who has always been there for me and been super supportive. We've both helped each other through some really rough times in our lives and really supported each other. He's pretty introverted, tho if you met him you might not realize that at first. It's a hilarious contrast to my extreme extroversion. I also owe meeting my wife to him. He pushed me to finally get on the dating apps and I met my wife on hinge. He also encouraged me when she and I started talking and dating seriously. He also knows how to deal with my anxiety very well and respectfully, tho my anxiety has gotten immensely better than it used to be. Still, worth mentioning. He's also said on multiple occasions how much he appreciates and like how I am just unapologetically me and an unapologetic nerd. To quote him, "genuine folks are hard to find." So that was also really cool to hear from him and just reaffirmed that being myself is the right move. When he lived in the city with me, we'd hang out at least once a week. But we text daily for the most part and still try to see each other as much as we can even tho he's 2.5hrs away now. He was my best man and gave an amazing and touching best man speech. Now, almost a year later, people still talk about it and quote him, "IDK how else to describe him other than he's aggressively friendly." it's accurate and everyone who has heard that agrees lol. Anyway, he's great and I'm blessed to have him in my life. Here's a pic of us at my bachelor trip and before my wedding. As you can see, and as I've mentioned before in various other posts, the dude is built like a Greek god lol

15: favorite movie

This is actually a hard one lol. I enjoy a lot of movies, but have a hard time narrowing down a fave. Hmm. Deadpool and Wolverine is certainly up there for very obvious reasons, but a movie that has always stuck with me since I was younger is The Prestige. It's a well done film whose twist really got me at the end. It's rare for me not to figure out a movie twist before the end and this one I did not see coming.

18: most traumatic experience 

You're gonna get 2 for the price of 1 lol. 1 childhood trauma and 1 adulthood trauma. Both cover a span of time instead of one specific incident.

First is childhood. From pretty much 1st - 4th grade, I was bullied pretty often. I was a very big and fat kid who was also nice and didn't exactly fight back, so I suppose in retrospect that made me an easy target. But beyond that, I was often made the butts of my peers' jokes or would be asked to do something silly or embarrass or the like and they'd say stuff like "of course we're you're friend!" and "if you do it, we'll be your friend." so this went as well as you can expect. It got so bad and took so much of a toll on me that my mom literally pulled me out of school to homeschool me from 5th-8th grade. This would eventually become repressed as the mind often does only to rear its ugly head later in adulthood when my friends wanted to institute a "punishment" for whoever placed last in our fantasy football league. I had always opposed this idea, but they we were really pushing for it that year. Didn't help I was dead last, but I was having such a visceral reaction and didn't know why. But I was literally about to drop out of the league because of it. Then all of a sudden the memories came flooding back and I finally understood the why. I explained it to 3 of my friends in the league, including the guy in charge, and they abandoned the punishment idea. They said they hoped they knew that this was very different and that no ill will was meant. I did, but it didn't stop how I felt. So the punishment idea was dropped.

Now for adulthood. That would be working through COVID as a nurse. This was traumatizing in many ways, but in particular there were 3 key points. The first was watching patients deteriorate and die so rapidly. Like I would leave in the morning and come back to find out my patient coded and died 3 hours after I left. They were fine before then. We also called so many rapid and codes because people would deteriorate so much and so rapidly. Despite everything I knew and docs and nurses way more experienced than me knew, we couldn't save them all or stop the rapid spiral.

Secondly, every time a code blue or rapid response is called overhead, it's preceeded by a beep on the intercom. I would hear that so many times during that time that I found myself to physically flinch and tense and my heart would race whenever I'd hear it. Even a year later when it was just happening to make an announcement. Didn't realize it was legitimately a PTSD response until I was talking to an army buddy who was like "Yeah dude that's what happens to me when my PTSD gets triggered." I overcome that by becoming the code and rapid nurse for my icu when I moved. So I just threw myself headlong into it and overcame it by exposure and desensitization.

Lastly, there was the whiplash of being called a hero and having my knowledge and insight respected only to be called a liar months later. By my own family even. I still remember making a lengthy thoughtful post about the importance of making and explaining why surgical works for day to day vs the n95 masks needed in hospital and the same day my mom made a post about how covid is a lie and masking is just the government trying to control us. My family has on multiple occasions told me my experiences weren't real and I was exaggerating, especially because I'm liberal. After many fights, we all finally agreed to just never talk about it around each other. An uneasy peace, but better.

So there you have it. My two biggest traumatic experiences lol.

21: what I love most about myself

My kindness and willingness to help people

28: a description of the person I dislike the most

Hmm I don't really dislike people. But I suppose this one older lady at work. Kind of short, white, fading blonde hair that's always short. She's always unhappy lol. Mostly dislike her bc she gatekeeps certain patients and has full control over the schedule despite not being the manager.

42: last thing I ate

Greek yogurt and pumpkin seed granola

[cononeillbreastingboobily]

I heard a phrase once that goes something like "growth lies outside the comfort zone".

And holy shit my dudes. It's right.

In just 9 days I've spent at a hospital, I changed. I can't say "completely", but... Wait, no, I can!

I came out of the hospital a different person than the one who entered it, and I genuinely mean it. I described it in many ways. "As if somebody broke me out of my shell", "like I don't have a layer I used to have" or simply "I'm back". It feels... So good, yet so unfamiliar.

Everyone I talked to since I came home who knew me before then, is shocked. They say I smile more, I have a completely different energy, they say I got my spark back that I used to have when I was a child.

I think what happened was the result of many, many things, but mainly:

• Being forced to confront my trauma head on

Hospitals. I had some very painful surgeries, as well as painful and humiliating testing done when I was a child. It screwed me up in so many ways that I can't even articulate to this day. I experienced A Lot of physical and emotional pain during this recent hospital stay. I didn't run from it, couldn't. And I do have to say it contributed to my experience, can't describe in what way exactly just yet.

• Having no privacy and thus, no space to suffer in silence. And thus, having no choice but to let people in

Sharing a room with 4 people, I hardly had any space for myself, except for my bed and nightstand. I tend to cry all by myself when I'm going through something. At the hospital I was going through A Lot, and yet I couldn't hide from curious eyes.

• Having people do many uncomfortable things to my body, and having to just go with it

Well, it's not like I didn't have a say in whether certain things happened to me. I could potentially protest if I didn't want to have some testing done or didn't want someone to wipe me down etc. But my desire to reach a diagnosis was so strong that my limitations in that regard dissolved rapidly. Plus, like. These people are at work. I'm not gonna let my embarrassment keep them from getting their jobs done. Otherwise we would be here all day.

• Being taken seriously, but gently

I was faced with so much kindness during my hospital stay. It helped me remember that somewhere out there the world can be really kind and that there are good people out there. I think I completely forgot about that.

• Being given hope

I didn't realise just how much I had given up on myself and just life in general, over the past few months. And yet I had people gently hold my hands on 3 separate occasions and tell me "It's gonna be okay". How does one not start to believe it even just a little bit after that?

• Being reminded of my passions

I had a very intense talk with the head of the department that took me in. He asked me about my gifts and abilities, and pointed out other ones I missed. I kept finding myself thinking of more I could've mentioned days later.

• Being shown a way forward

This ties in with the point I made two paragraphs before, but I do think it deserves it's separate section. Along with the hope that I might get a full diagnosis, and that what I'm suffering from right now is reversible, I had a spark lit up in me, one that I lost a long, long time ago. I was reminded that I love to learn new things, and that I want to go and study new topics. I'm going back to uni! This time a post-graduate program tho, I'm not pursuing a degree (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

So, there you have it. I knoooow that these are highly personal and subjective, but I'd regret if I didn't share my experiences and observations even a little bit. If by sharing this I inspire just one person to do and change something, or to look at things differently, I would consider it as a job well done.

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

You know what? I think for the first time…honestly maybe in my entire life…I am happy. Like, genuinely happy, content, satisfied.

I am not where I want to be, but I know I am making tangible progress towards it. Mentally, physically, financially.

My therapy sessions lately have gone from this jumbled mess of chaos and anxiety and tears to validating my own choices and feelings. I noticed it three sessions ago and she said she noticed it as well. She said I started the session out kind of asking for permission/validation for recent choices and that I just kept backing my own self up. I have not had this kind of confidence in myself since 2012.

I see several career/financial paths I could do. I am really enjoying doing Rover and still am hoping I gain repeat clientele. In the future, I can get my own pet sitting insurance and cut out the middle man of Rover. It’s exciting to think of this possibility because it’s joining my passion of dogs (that I forgot I had?!) with my independent work style. I make my own schedule, no one’s telling me what to do (other than owner instructions of course) and I’m getting to work with the best pups! I’d really like to market a little more towards basic training as well and include it as an add on.

I have an upcoming husky client who is a jumper. He gets really excited, jumps and jumps, and open mouth “bites.” The owner said he’s trained him from a puppy, but jumping is a pretty frustrating habit for visitors. I let him know I could work on the jumping while I’m there and I’m excited about that. I know a handful of ways to decrease it and just saw another method that I think I’m going to try on this husky since he’s super treat motivated.

Rover is also getting me moving around a lot more. Social work tends to be a pretty sedentary job, but I’m constantly moving when I have high energy dogs. So, I’ve also been losing weight and I feel good. Im outside a lot more and I have the benefit of walking with a dog. How fun!

Im not quite at the point where this could be a long term thing, I need to get more clients and especially dog walking clients. Im mainly doing overnight sits.

Another path I see is joining my masters degree and love of dogs together. This would be a super far out goal, but I could specialize in pet therapy. This was one of my initial goals in college. My academic advisor even suggested that I do some type of therapy work around animals. There was a vet hospital that took on interns in their pet bereavement department, but it was masters level only. So, it was literally grief therapy for pet owners that combined pet therapy (which by the way is human therapy using pets. Not therapy for the pets haha. I get weird looks when I say this sometimes).

There’s still the career paths I’ve been pursuing, but I’d only Been pursuing them because I just don’t know what else I’d do. I do like social work case management, but it’s an even lousier path in Florida than it was up north. I do like the idea of therapy, but it seems so boring to sit in an office all day talking to people.

There have been many times in my life where I was focused on animals, but it seemed too silly of a career thought to ever pursue. I didn’t want to be a vet and I didn’t want to put more money into school to be a vet tech when I was so close to my BSW (but I really did almost leave social work to pursue being a vet tech! But then my school said I could graduate in two more semesters so I let the idea go)

I was a dog walker short term between graduation and my first social work job. I didn’t promote myself anywhere tho or put any stock in it. I was training the family dog at home and helping my friend with training her dog. I began thinking about becoming a trainer. I’ve applied so many times to petsmart/petco for the dog trainer position but ultimately never pursued it and would lean harder into the social work jobs.

I do still feel a little silly being so optimistic about the pet sitting stuff because it’s not a typical route, but im seeing so many people thrive with it now. So many small businesses for pet care. I think I could do that. I think I’d love doing it.

I think i burned out from social work years ago. Maybe from the whole field. I think that part of me is tired. Which is hard to admit. Despite my best self care efforts, I’ve carried the burdens of my clients for the last 10 years. I still think about my first clients from 2014, wonder how they are, if they’re okay, if they’re still alive. Ive spent too many nights crying about my clients because I didn’t have a magic wand to make life easier for them. I’ve given my entire heart to the social work jobs I’ve had and the clients I’ve worked with. I’m tired. Empathy is such a gift And I know it’s my biggest strength, but maybe, at least for now until my heart heals, I can Channel my empathy towards animals again.

We’re finally putting money into savings despite Rover being a huge pay cut. It won’t be sustainable job once we move out, so I have from now until then to make something of it. M is so supportive of this and its helped me to believe in myself again 💚

Some of my recent furry friends. Also M and I celebrated one year of marriage with a training walk with Mel and a night out on the town 🥰

[dreadfuldevotee]

Today, I let myself be a bit nerdy and fan-ish and listened to the ep of David Tennant's podcast that he did with Jodie Whittaker just as like, a bit of background noise and cuz I thought they'd be a fun duo (they are).

I was not! expecting to get about 10 minutes in before I had to sit on the floor and Cry a bit because Jodie casually shattered my heart into a million pieces. Not because what she said was sad itself, but it made me realize what I've been doing and the root behind something that's been sitting on my soul for the past couple of years.

I'll give you the cliff notes, cuz leading up to the sentence is like 3 different anecdotes (which is a Mood). but basically, in specific regard to persuing acting but applicable to really anything, not having some backup plan. That you are a cat with 9 lives and you should put everything into that "first life" and go after it while youre energetic and willing. If it fails- well then you tried and you've experienced something but its not the end of the world and can go off and try again with the next "life".

It was just so astounding to me! Its such a simple concept and one I've heard put in similar ways to me when I was applying for acting programs as a highschooler, but the difference is the belief and the kind of cavalier nature of it. Actors will always say "if you can imagine doing anything else go do that". Even when they're telling you it's all or nothing, they're actively trying to psych you out, or act like your world will end. And as the shakey ass, mentally ill teenager I was faltered and got so afraid. But never because I was scared of never working or it not panning out, but just so ashamed of myself- that the Thing that's Missing In Me was the cause of doubt in everyones tone. Was why all the support in my life had that deep under current of "run for the hills, get out while you can".

And so I did. I flaked out on all my acting auditions, broke down in tears infront of my voice teacher and ghosted her, never saw my acting coach again and I switched gears completely to go into costuming. Which, I should say, I do love. Its a genuine passion and anyone whos talked to me- and especially anyone who's seen me in my day to day know that I am a certified Clotheswhore™️. But also I'd go into tech on shows and get so envious, it'd bring me to tears. I'd sob through any show and just listening to cast recordings would put me in such a deep depression. I would day dream about being on the otherside of my fittings, about being the kind of actor that my friends and I thought were the "Good Ones". As much as I loved what I was doing, I was always dreaming of something else.

I think the fact that I loved it so much helped me forget that it wasn't really what I wanted, though. I said to a friend like a week ago! that I had stopped listening to show tunes because it depressed me. Which is just? so sad? I have boxes of playbills that I've collected and gotten signed and going to the theater was something I adored. I made so many friends because I was Such An Annoying Theater Kid on both here and twitter and I think that kid would be so mortified that this thing that I still love brings me such pain right now.

This is kind of a shitty revelation to be having right now tho, because I actually still have a semester left of my degree and school is already hard enough before I'd come to realization that I'm only here in this program because I severely hate myself and was too afraid to do what I actually wanted. It was so heartbreaking to me, because I had this immediate wash of "What have I done? Have I made a horrible mistake? is it all too late, did I squander my time?" Theres something to be said about classical education or just any acting education. Most everything I know is my own personal snobbery and Autistic Affliction, but I dont know what thats worth in reality.

A Lot of this can be summed up in "20 smth feels like life is over if you dont have it figured out by graduation" and ik that's silly and untrue at heart. But I felt it then at 15 the way I do now at 21- That theater is a true love of my life and that I've been in a kind of agony being away from it that I wasnt prepared for.

I dooon't know what that means or what that says about me or even what the fuck to do with this information now that its been beat across my head. The self hate is still there. I still feel a burning shame whenever I become aware of how honest I'm being about myself where other people can see. But I think I'll die unhappy if I never tried. I don't want it to be a casual thing because its never been a casual love for me. I could be so happy sewing in my freetime or only doing it as something to keep bills paid but I would want acting to consume my life. I want to take it seriously and squander all other prospects to keep fueling it.

[cloakchameleon]

I feel like what a lot of artists (popular or not) don’t talk about is that art as a form of a job and a career and taking that road can be very damaging to an artist’s psyche because schools are conditioned to making you productive in art instead of allowing you to enjoy what you do and how to build yourself up to that point.

Maybe not all schools but I know at least for me it felt nice to explore different media of art, being in a room with people who have the same passion as you, and doing what you genuinely love—

—but the reality sets in those classes that there’s so much working against you, the artist, that you’re not fully prepared to experience the mental whiplash of feelings after completing those courses.

I enjoyed college, but after I graduated, my will to draw absolutely died. I couldn’t do much with a pen other than maybe edit pictures, can’t complete pieces, no ideas or real reason to draw because college nailed in my brain that if it doesn’t attract other people or make you money then what’s the point?

and thats where people tend to forget that art is suppose to be joyous! It sucks that we have to be forced to make stuff to get by because forcing art tends to not go well at all!

Like, even tho I have a degree in graphic design, after all of the shit I went through in college, I just— I can’t. I can’t follow that formula because it’s so toxic to an artist like me that I can’t dedicate, I want to dedicate to myself and make things that I like e instead of holding expectation of other people to the point where it burns out my will to draw even faster than ever.

It’s not to say I’d never take commission work, cause I love commission work! It’s a lot different than graphic design work (for me), a lot more engaging, and less stressful at being perfect and more being able to have that freedom to have that sense of control in what I think looks good while also sharing those ideas with the commissioner / people who would like to see it.

Also to keep in mind that like, people in their 20’s + older have jobs to work at and make ends meet. Most of the time those younger who seem to be excelling in art, draw more because they have more free time and energy to do a lot more than people who are growing older.

That’s not a bad thing. I’ve drawn an awful lot during my time on dA and I’ve learned a lot since then. It sucks that I can’t seem to pump out as much art as I used to because my day job takes so much of my energy away, and then when I go home I still have to work by taking care of my folks + our dog until I at least get maybe a couple hours in doing whatever it is I wanted to do. Play a game, watch one of my favorite YouTubers, draw, write. It sucks I can only pick one when my energy is so low so most of the time I give drawing a break, but I always come back to it and I always know there isn’t a timer or time limit as to how much I can and should spend on myself to draw.

Just do what makes you happiest and you’ll always rope around back to what you like doing most.

[wearewarpriest]

When I was a small child, my mom would bring me to the supermarkets, as mothers are to do. And while she did not and does not drink coffee, nor does my dad, we would off course pass through the aisle with those coffee bean dispensers. And I *hated* the smell.

The only people in my family who drank coffee was my aunt (mother's sister) and their parents. And this was mostly folgers brewed in a drip machine no more complicated than an one off switch.

My first coffee drink was from a Holiday gas station, which I got with a friend a few weeks into the summer after my high school graduation (summer of 2014) it was an overly sweet thing from one of the automatic powdered "cappuccino" machines. I don't remember caring for it, but I did enjoy having a warm drink with a friend.

The next cup of coffee I had was in the morning at Mt grandmother's house. It was awful, but I was curious and enjoy small experiences. I found that the 1% milk she bought didn't do much for making it more enjoyable. I did find it somewhat bearable with honey. (Not white sugar, to this day I dislike white sugar in coffee, raw sugar is pretty good tho.)

Coffee was a rare thing for me to drink until a little after my 21st birthday, when I bought my first drip coffee machine. My son was only a few months old, and sleep was...sparse, a rare treat. And I was working two jobs and running Wearewarpriest at a degree of regularity that astounds current me.

I think my first step into being a coffee person was really when I got a French press, and a spice grinder I used for coffee beans. It was muddy, it was under extracted and over extracted (some bits of bean too fine, some too coarse) and I used a Lot of creamer and would continue too for the next few years.

It was about 2 years later when I finally tossed the drip machine, and got the bodum pour over coffee pot. And that was another big step, I began to start seeing making coffee as a sort of personal ritual. I experimented with lighter roasts and darker roasts, I started looking up information about coffee and it's processes and I was drinking more coffee at home and out and about.

And then my cousin got a kurig as a gift, and suddenly we were all drinking easy and fast and really quite wasteful coffee from plastic single use pods and this lasted longer than I'm strictly comfortable admitting. I think we really wore that machine to its limits, because I'm pretty sure it broke.

For the next year I was making coffee mostly in my pour over, and I was getting pretty decent with it, but I was still using a blade grinder, and a stove top kettle, so my temp was always either boiling or off-boil. Which is really high for dark roasts.

Things improved quite a big when I got 3 things.

A water filter pitcher, a cheap kitchen scale, and a temperature control electric kettle.

I would always recommend these 4 things for people getting into coffee. A temp control kettle, a coffee bean grinder (preferably a precision grinder to a blade grinder), a digital read scale that measures to the thousandth decimal, and a water filter.

With those 4 are essential and the low end of basics for coffee as a hobby. If you only want coffee as a simple drink you can make in a drip machine, I understand.

Over the last year I have obtained an electric burr grinder, an areopress, and two moka pots. (3 cup and 6 cup size)

Coffee is very much a hobby for me, but it's also my career now. I work in a Cafe franchise, (not the fish the moose) and coffee has grown to be something I'm genuinely passionate about.

This year, with my tax return, I'm purchasing a manuel lever espresso machine, a La Pavoni Europiccola. If you have seen that early 70s James Bond movie, Bond uses the Europiccola very very poorly, it makes much better coffee than that scene shows.

I'm really very excited, and I'm really glad I had an excuse to go over my coffee experience, what these stupid addictive beans mean to me and how I've improved over the years.

People who drink coffee: why did you start?

I don't drink coffee and I've never wanted to, but that's obviously ~not normal~, so I'm curious why most people do start drinking it.

[jeanmoreaux]

hey congrats finishing your degree! sis can you give me some advice how to push through finishing my thesis it is literally the only thing getting in the way of me graduating my damn masters

i know i shouldn't procrastinate but sometimes when i do think of it i genuinely believe i just get amnesia and i remember at very inconvenient and late times im just so lost

thanks & hi there!! oh, well, there really is no one solution or that helps everyone or would definitely work for you. i think it’s very important to fund out what exactly you’re struggling with: if it’s an overall time management issues (e.g. remembering to even work on your thesis etc.) then actually making a schedule and allotting your thesis work a specific time in the week/day could help. working big dates like deadlines to finish certain sections or chapters into this weekly/monthly plan could help too. maybe you’re lucky enough to have a friend who can act like a “thesis buddy” who regularly checks in on you and your progress (and in tumr you on theirs) so you feel that little bit of social press to actually have something to show the other person at the next meeting etc. it’s also more than okay to ask your thesis advisor to take on that role!! you can work out a realistic schedule in which you might hand in specific sections or have meetings on a specific chapter etc. if the problem is mainly not knowing where to start with the massive workload, making an action plan and dividing bigger tasks into subtasks, making small goals etc. are some ways to work around that.

if you’re struggling to actually sit down and do the work, things ofc are different. even if you have a time slot for your thesis work being productive in that time slot comes with other challenges or issues that require different solutions.

so, maybe in a first step it’s very important to kind of observe yourself and figure out at which specific points in the process of ‘writing your thesis’ you get stuck and the try to find solutions for handling these moments. when you have identified your problems, you can look for specific interventions that help you solve it. there’s also stuff online.

i have to admit tho i really did struggle A LOT with writing my thesis (haven’t been doing too good mentally last year) and the thing that really made me work on it was the external pressure of fixed deadlines (we only get two semester to work on our thesis and extension are rarely granted without good reason like long periods of illness etc.) and the social control of my advisor team. so don’t make yourself crazy thinking you’re the only one struggling with it. i can assure you Everyone i know who had to write a master’s thesis did encounter moments in which they wanted to rip out their hair and just say ‘fuck it’ and drop the whole thing. i don’t know anyone who had it all go over smoothly. we all hated it and we all got through somehow. and i truly believe so will you!!

[likeawolfatthemoon]

I know the feeling of being good at customer service and doing whatever it takes to fix the problem! big hugs to you! I work in IT and thought I would never ever pick up/understand the work I do but it comes eventually. You gotta give yourself some grace to learn, is this something you could study at home? Like is there a ___for dummies? Honestly doing my own (unpaid!) learning by googling etc really helped me at my job. Best wishes to you <3 you got this

Thank you for sending this, friend! Truly the issue is not really learning the software portion, I feel I am picking that up at a good rate. My last job was also in IT support, so it's not directly applicable but it does give me a headstart in understanding how to support our specific software. My biggest problem is that our software supports (amongst other things) billing, payroll, and receivables for our clients as well as a HUGE range of reports and analytics - and my brain just goes jelly when looking at that. Like I genuinely think I may have undiagnosed dyscalculia bc processing numbers is so so so so so so hard for me no matter how hard I work at it and it has always been the case. Like I was the "gifted" student that failed multiple math classes and I graduated college with a 4.0 but only AFTER I took the remedial math course I didn't even get college credit for and I'm likely making it a self fulfilling prophecy to a degree at this point, I know, but it feels unconquerable!! Like I KNOW the main part of my job is not to be able to answer math questions. But if our system is coming up with incorrect calculations I have to be able to detect when they're off and troubleshoot why it may be happening. Which means I have to be able to know when the answers are correct. Y'know. It just makes me want to scream and die a little. Or a lot. Anyway I'm sorry I ranted at you after sending me this very kind message, I appreciate it!!! I know I'm going to have to try to do some kind of unpaid learning outside of my job but it's hard to know where to start when my issue with numbers runs so deep (I didn't know the software had this component when I was hired - I probably still would have accepted the job tho). Thank you for reaching out and for your well wishes!!!! 💖💖💖💖

[attymela]

Dear Atty. Mela,

A year ago in 2022, you said that by this time in December 2023, you are already a lawyer. You know in your heart you are already one even without the title because you trusted your preparations--that, while everyone is enjoying their weekends, you chose to get up and read the pile of books you have to finish knowing you are just months away from the bar exams. You enrolled in two review centers, two coaching programs, followed all the lawyers' advices to surely secure the dot, your entire two years were paused for this moment...

Sadly, the Lord has other plans.

Or better plans, I should say.

All of a sudden, your heart broke into pieces when you, along with your family, did not see your name appearing in the list of successful bar examinees. You felt sad but all the more sorry for people who invested their time, money, and effort for you and most importantly placed their faith in you. In a snap, your efforts were suddenly just thrown out of the window. You endure the pain of constantly seeing the passers glorified making you feel as if you did not do your part, all the while maintaining your genuine happiness for all of them.

But today, I want to congratulate you for everything you have accomplished the past two years, despite not making it in the list of successful bar examinees this year. Remember the time in 2021 when you finally decided to go back in law school after a 4-year pause and you thought you can no longer keep up with the new laws and with your more competitive and younger classmates? You are so much better today than you were during that time. You went through and surpassed your gatekeeper professors when it was just years ago when you think it was impossible. You graduated from law school after finally having the courage to finish your Juris Doctor degree amidst your countless doubts and obstacles that went your way. You braved the grueling bar exams with just three months of bar review proper short of graduation; and despite all these, you are only decimal points away from becoming a lawyer!

While you are far from the limelight despite all these silent battles you successfully hurdled, what you went through was commendable. What made your character even more laudable was the fact that you were able to handle everything well. Not a single tear was shed and you know you are at peace because you know you gave it a good fight.

Of course, you felt tired, exhausted, and you questioned yourself what went wrong. Nevertheless, you chose to gather back all your law books and materials to give it another try just hours after the Supreme Court said it's not yet your time.

So today, and when you feel like giving up, remember never to shortchange yourself. It was a battle well fought with the rating you were able to obtain despite the circumstances you were in.

And when you feel like you no longer have the energy, the resources, the money, the strength to go after your dream; remember the Lord who gave you countless miracles, big or small, which you sometimes fail to remember because you were able to stand up again regardless. Remember the same Lord who provided for you, who helped you finish law school and the bar exams at times when you almost had nothing in your pocket. Remember the Lord who planted the dream in you to become a lawyer, who placed you in the circumstances you are in, who provided you with the resources you currently have, directing your path to the legal profession.

Remember Him, the only person who will take you there, the only One who will turn this dream of yours into a reality in His own sweet time, with His endless grace and mercy.

Remember that this failure does not solely define you because you are waaayyy BETTER than that, and your worth as a person is more valuable than any titles can ever define.

Remember your WHY. Your reason why you have to keep pushing--for your family, for yourself, even for those whom you wanted to prove wrong, for those who are genuinely in need, for those who have less in life, for those who can never repay you, and ultimately, for Him--as your way make the most out of the privilege you have been blessed with to be His instrument and give glory to His name.

Think of this as your preparation to TOP the bar.

Who says that the spot is reserved only for selected few? Who says that you, a working student, won't ever make it? BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL TOP THE BAR.

YOU WILL TOP THE BAR. Claim it.

12/16/2023; 4:40 p.m.

[domoriu]

hi again for the spam from 🧀!! school just started for me and my brain is now hardwired back to assignments….. very bored just doing them all day….

big huge sigh but i need to be an academic weapon this sem cuz i have to remod two of my modules (ok just one really because the other one is like a physical education module as part of my graduation requirement? Doesn’t really need my brain tbh)

do you like school/college??? Atp i’m just going through the motions because I genuinely don’t know if i like the diploma i’m taking BUT i only have one year left and dropping out just seems like a huge waste of time for me :( anyways i’m taking a finance diploma (banking n finance specifically) so ig i’m looking at it at a more sensible mindset since it does promise me a lot of good-ish paying jobs… i think..🤔 btw do u think it’s ethical if i sell my sohee pc now? i have one given from a friend who doesn’t want it (like weeks ago pre-boycott) and idk if now is the right time to be selling it…☹️ idk what to do with the pc. If you’re well-versed w their pc templates and all it’s his baby photo pc… very cute but like why do ppl send u stuff u dont want evem tho they know you’re not interested 😅 like i love free stuff but still ?? Maybe it’s just a me thing LOL

dont even worry ab spamming!! i rly dont mind i love to yap 😭

i think school is great but its not for me 😫 i dropped out of college after two weeks but ive been thinking about trying again and really committing to it but we’ll see!! and i say just power through ur almost there get that degree 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

i think do whatever you want with the sohee pcs !! (give them to me) nobody will really judge you tbh, cuz someone is definitely going to buy them regardless and theres probably other people selling their riize collections rn 🫢

and yeah i love free stuff but at least make the free stuff make sense 😫😫 cuz im always grateful but now its taking up space