#I do genuinely have a lot of emotions about it but I've also been waiting ages to make this joke so y'know

[gffa]

I have been Processing My Feelings mostly through sleeping a lot (thanks, shark week), cleaning (so much stuff to be done, especially when you're on a budget so everything takes twice as much work), playing Pokemon Go (I SAW AN ARTICUNO, but it fled on me ): but that's okay, I know it only has like a 3% chance to get it, and if I saw one, maybe I'll see another sometime), and binging TV shows/YouTube videos. TV SHOWS THAT I HAVE HAD THOUGHTS ON: - FROM, season 3: I think it might have been a mistake to watch it week to week, because I've watched seven episodes now and it feels like hardly anything has happened this season, like, you only have ten episodes and the wait between seasons is so long! Get back to moving the plot forward! But a lot of people said the same thing about s2 and I found that one to move along great--but I binged the whole thing, so the pacing probably seemed better. I'm still invested, some emotional stuff has happened this season, but I want more answers/plot already!!!! - SHRINKING, season 2: Just as much of a comfort watch as the first season, still pulling a bunch of laughs out of me. The cast is incredible, the writing is funny (I'm a sucker for a Bill Lawrence show, though), and I have had genuine emotional reactions to some of the storylines this season, because I have come to care about the characters. It can be a light watch most of the time, one to put on when I want something to laugh at, but it can pack a punch in the way it needs to. - ENGLISH TEACHER: I think every episode got me to laugh at least once, most of them got me to laugh out loud multiple times. Some people are going to find it kind of preachy or tryhard, but I felt like it was trying to take an honest look at this one person's attempts to navigate the difficult societal elements at play (being gay in your 30s, no longer a kid, not a boomer, but not always seeing eye-to-eye with where the younger generation is, wanting to do the right thing versus not always knowing what that is, trying to be empathetic while being genuine, etc.), and if nothing else it got me with the sideswipe at Tumblr. That hurt, you guys, but also LOL. - 9-1-1, season 8: Still very much worth watching (especially every time Eddie is a hot mess and kind of a bitch, I've never loved him more), but I did not enjoy the Councilwoman Ortiz storyline (it felt more mean-spirited than I wanted) and I'm not looking forward to catching up on this week's episode (I've heard some of what happens), but overall, it's still a comfort place for batshit storylines. BEENADO WAS HILARIOUS, everything about Athena on the plane was fun (and less frustrating than her usual cop storylines, I love you, girl, but oh my god), and I even liked the Gerrard storyline by the end. Next to catch up on: Abbot Elementary, binge Squid Game s2 when it comes out, and finally watch The Devil Judge. (Watch, I'll have my schedule all planned out and then probably throw it out the window for Grotesquerie or something, SIGH.) Any other suggestions for comfort shows or just really bingeable recent shows or just tell me what you're watching, so that I can keep my brain off the doomscrolling track!

[thethingything]

it's valentine's day, but it's also the anniversary of me showing up in the system. I think it was about this time in the morning when I showed up and it's really weird to think I've been here a whole year now.

on the one hand I could make a really serious heartfelt post about it (because I have a lot of feelings about it), but on the other hand, it's kinda gay of them to split a hot twink on valentine's day

[terry-perry]

What if Carmine!Reader was the one who told Alastor that her mom killed the angel? 😯

Not part of the main storyline. Literally just a “What if…?” scenario.

"Waiting for someone?"

Alastor stiffened at the sound of your voice. He took his eyes off the egg creatures playing in the garbage and slowly turned his attention towards you. You were at his side, having just exited the building where the Overlord meeting was held. Normally your appearance was a welcoming one for Alastor, but in this case, it was nerve-racking as you came to him with a less-than-amused look on your face while dangling the whimpering egg he sent to spy on you from his little hand.

"Oh, hello dearest," Alastor did his best to maintain his composure. "I didn't wish to interrupt you, so I sent my little friend to -"

"Don't even start Alastor," you interrupted. "Your 'little friend' already told me you sent him to spy on us." When Alastor glared at the egg, you rolled your eyes some more. "Don't blame him. He was only there on your orders. It's not his fault he did a piss-poor job following them."

You let Frank go, and after falling to the ground with a harsh thud that thankfully didn't leave a crack, he scurried off to join the rest of the eggs bois while you and Alastor continued your discussion.

"Honey, I told you I needed a moment with my family," you chastised. "What made you think it was okay for you to eavesdrop? Do you not trust me?"

"Of course I do, sugar," Alastor cooed, taking your hand. "I'm sorry for taking drastic measures to invade your privacy, but you must admit your mother's reaction to that angel's head was out of character. I've never seen her so spooked or so quick to anger."

He was right to make that observation. Your mother was known for keeping a level head and not letting things affect her so much. She doesn't get surprised easily and always has a tight hold on her emotions. She said it herself that day, however: the last extermination was a brutal one and had many souls not only fear for their lives more but also left them to act on impulse.

She knew that firsthand.

"This last extermination really got to her," you began to explain. "It was a lot, and she's doing what she can to recover from it mentally and ensure nothing like it happens again."

“Understandable, of course, but I can’t say it didn’t hurt that you didn’t want me to join you in discussing everything that happened today. At the very least, I could’ve been there for Carmilla.”

You looked at him and arched a brow. You loved Alastor, but he wasn’t exactly the first demon one would go to for empathy. “Be there for her as she confirms what Velvette accused her of?”

He hummed and shrugged his shoulders, his soft smile growing with hints of his trademark smugness. “If that were to happen as well, who am I to not want to keep that personal information handy?"

There it was!

Again, you loved Alastor, but he wasn't exactly Prince Charming who did things out of the goodness of his heart. If he was going to be there for someone, he'd keep up with his illusion of being a gracious companion, but only if he knew it would benefit him. You've been with him long enough to tell the difference between his genuinely being there for someone and his sniffing out for what could be a deal in the making, and your mother dealing with today was an inappropriate time for the latter. That was why you told him to wait outside while you comforted her. He wouldn't have gone so far as to make a deal with your family, but this secret was perfect ammo for him to use for potential deals with others.

Suppose you could call his bluff and see how valuable this information was to him.

"Well, if you really wanna know, how about we make a deal?"

You concealed the giggle that wanted to burst out upon seeing how big his eyes got from hearing your words. "Excuse me?"

You reached over and patted his hand in an almost sympathetic manner. "I'm sorry for leaving you out of our discussion, especially since you are considered family now. But I knew you couldn't resist some juicy, advantageous gossip," you leaned forward, almost a kissing distance away from Alastor. You released a giggle this time when he slightly flinched away from you. It was plain to see how caught off-guard he was by how things took a turn. You found it quite cute how shaken up he was. "So now I'd like to know what you're willing to give to earn it."

He hesitated for another moment before he narrowed his eyes. He was the one to lurch forward this time, but you were more amused than scared as you reeled back from him. "I can't believe you'd go so far as to bait me, your partner, into making a deal with you, with intel that might not be as vital as we're making it out to be!"

He glared at you for a few more seconds, observing how smug you grew as you now had a hold of the situation.

His eyes softened then, having a warm glow to them, and his snarling smile grew into a happy grin as he grabbed ahold of you by the waist and pulled you towards him.

"I have never loved you more than I do now..."

[dailyadventureprompts]

Tableskills: Creating Dread

I've often had a lot of problems telling scary stories at my table, whether it be in d&d or other horror focused games. I personally don't get scared easily, especially around "traditionally horrifying" things so it's hard for me to recreate that experience in others. Likewise, you can't just port horror movie iconography into tabletop and expect it to evoke genuine fear: I've already spoken of being bored out of my mind during the zombie apocalypse, and my few trips into ravenloft have all been filled with similar levels of limp and derivative grimdark.

It took me a long time (and a lot of video essays about films I'd never watched) to realize that in terms of an experience fear is a lot like a joke, in that it requires multiple steps of setup and payoff. Dread is that setup, it's the rising tension in a scene that makes the revelation worth it, the slow and literal rising of a rollercoaster before the drop. It's way easier to inspire dread in your party than it is to scare them apropos of nothing, which has the added flexibility of letting you choose just the right time to deliver the frights.

TLDR: You start with one of the basic human fears (guide to that below) to emotionally prime your players and introduce it to your party in a initially non-threataning manor. Then you introduce a more severe version of it in a way that has stakes but is not overwhelmingly scary just yet. You wait until they're neck deep in this second scenario before throwing in some kind of twist that forces them to confront their discomfort head on.

More advice (and spoilers for The Magnus Archives) below the cut.

Before we go any farther it's vitally important that you learn your party's limits and triggers before a game begins. A lot of ttrpg content can be downright horrifying without even trying to be, so it's critical you know how everyone in your party is going to react to something before you go into it. Whether or not you're running an actual horror game or just wanting to add some tension to an otherwise heroic romp, you and your group need to be on the same page about this, and discuss safety systems from session 0 onwards.

The Fundamental Fears: It may seem a bit basic but one of the greatest tools to help me understand different aspects of horror was the taxonomy invented by Jonathan Sims of The Magnus Archives podcast. He breaks down fear into different thematic and emotional through lines, each given a snappy name and iconography that's so memorable that I often joke it's the queer-horror version of pokemon types or hogwarts houses. If we start with a basic understanding of WHY people find things scary we learn just what dials we need turn in order to build dread in our players.

Implementation: Each of these examples is like a colour we can paint a scene or encounter with, flavouring it just so to tickle a particular, primal part of our party's brains. You don't have to do much, just something along the lines of "the upcoming cave tunnel is getting a little too close for comfort" or "the all-too thin walkway creaks under your weight ", or "what you don't see is the movement at the edge of the room". Once the seed is planted your party's' minds will do most of the work: humans are social, pattern seeking creatures, and the hint of danger to one member of the group will lay the groundwork of fear in all the rest.

The trick here is not to over commit, which is the mistake most ttrpgs make with horror: actually showing the monster, putting the party into a dangerous situation, that’s the finisher, the  punchline of the joke. It’s also a release valve on all the pressure you’ve been hard at work building.

There’s nothing all that scary about fighting a level-appropriate number of skeletons, but forcing your party to creep through a series of dark, cobweb infested catacombs with the THREAT of being attacked by undead? That’s going to have them climbing the walls.

Let narration and bad dice rolls be your main tools here, driving home the discomfort, the risk, the looming threat.

Surprise: Now that you’ve got your party marinating in dread, what you want to do to really scare them is to throw a curve ball. Go back to that list and find another fear which either compliments or contrasts the original one you set up, and have it lurking juuuust out of reach ready to pop up at a moment of perfect tension like a jack in the box. The party is climbing down a slick interior of an underdark cavern, bottom nowhere in sight? They expect to to fall, but what they couldn't possibly expect is for a giant arm to reach out of the darkness and pull one of them down. Have the party figured out that there's a shapeshifter that's infiltrated the rebel meeting and is killing their allies? They suspect suspicion and lies but what they don't expect is for the rebel base to suddenly be on FIRE forcing them to run.

My expert advice is to lightly tease this second threat LONG before you introduce the initial scare. Your players will think you're a genius for doing what amounts to a little extra work, and curse themselves for not paying more attention.

Restraint: Less is more when it comes to scares, as if you do this trick too often your players are going to be inured to it. Try to do it maybe once an adventure, or dungeon level. Scares hit so much harder when the party isn't expecting them. If you're specifically playing in a "horror" game, it's a good idea to introduce a few false scares, or make multiple encounters part of the same bait and switch scare tactic: If we're going into the filthy gross sewer with mould and rot and rats and the like, you'll get more punch if the final challenge isn't corruption based, but is instead some new threat that we could have never prepared for.

Art

[1dcommunityficrecs]

Rec List: Sports Fics!

Hope everyone has been enjoying the Olympics -- I know I have! There have been amazing performances, emotional records, hilarious memes -- it's truly a unique human experience of community and celebration and accomplishment.

Inspired by that theme, here are some more unique human experiences -- eleven of them! Ranging from under 2000 words to over 100,000 words, fics posted a decade ago (holy smokes) to fics posted just this year, pieces that I know so well they live in my bloodstream to ones I've never heard of and can't wait to try, and even including a rare pair, there's lots of variety as usual, so dig in!

Oh Glory by alivingfire (21027, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

This fic follows Harry, a swimmer, and Louis, a gymnast, at the Olympics.

Reccer says: I love the sense of time and place it evokes.

don't have to go to the pool by Kingsoftheimpossible (12245, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

Harry is new to the swim team, Louis is the captain.

Reccer says: This is an absolutely sexy , adorable, efficient, serotonin-boosting fic.

Whirlwind by Dolce_piccante (21311, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

AU. Acclaimed actor, Hollywood heartthrob, and Oscar nominee, Harry Styles, seems to have the world at his feet, but seeks out an old friend when he needs a date for his big night

Reccer says: It's dolce, so it's sexy, it's funny and there is pining.

The Sidelines by RedRidingStiles (47078, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

Harry and Louis play hockey for Penn state and can't stand one another, since they can't keep their hatred off the ice their coach and team do what they can to keep their hard earned spot in the playoffs and their two star players from killing each other

Reccer says: The enemies to lovers is done really well, and they're both stupid. It's the perfect combination of interesting plot, comedy, and smut.

Baby Just Dive Right In (Follow My Lead) by LiveLaughLoveLarry (1686, Teen, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

Louis and Harry are partners in synchronized diving. Also in life. They're not intentionally hiding their relationship, but somehow no one seems to pick up on their blatant hints.

Reccer says: It's so funny watching everyone brush off the most unplatonic things as just bros and friends and teammates. Like, I know it's contrived for the sake of the story, but also... it's not that far of a reach!

Get Your Head in the Game by tuxlouis (2007, General, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

Harry is on a blind date to a basketball game, and the guy he's supposed to be going with is a TERRIBLE date. Fortunately the cute guy sitting on the other side is a much better conversationalist -- and kisser.

Reccer says: Very sweet, very cute, very funny. Harry's original date is such a hot mess it's hysterical, and Louis is such a little shit but that's what I love about him.

Addicted To Your Fix by sunshinebombx (6312, Teen, Liam Payne/Harry Styles)

Liam injures his shoulder shortly before the French Open. He needs to get back in fighting shape, so he's set up with some yoga therapy. It's very motivating how much he enjoys watching Harry do a downward dog.

Reccer says: Harry's flirting is adorable, and Liam's complete obliviousness to the fact that it's genuine is hilarious. I also love the side-plot about how the media is convinced that Niall and Liam are bitter rivals instead of close friends who get that in sports sometimes you win and sometimes you lose and it's not personal.

Glass Closets and Greenhouses by TiredTiredTz (60933, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

Charlton Athletic defender Louis Tomlinson and worldwide sex symbol Harry Styles are rumoured to be hooking up after a viral video filmed at Harry’s Wembley show was posted online by Tommo’s twin sisters.

Reccer says: This is such a great fic! Sweet, sweet meet-cute, witty banter, and actual Tommo-on-the-pitch scenes!

When the Lights Go Out by thelarenttrap (79269, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post Warnings: Car Crashes

Formula 1 racing drivers Harry and Louis have a history: as childhood competitors, to teammates, to enemies, to eventually lovers.

Hold My Breath by Zarah5 (19749, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

Louis is a footballer. Harry is a yoga teacher. Louis doesn't expect to like yoga, doesn't want to like yoga, but... Harry has a way of making it seem not that bad.

Reccer says: Because it's Zarah5 and with her nothing can be anything but fantastic.

Into The Blue by Zarah5 (117218, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

Louis is Harry's diving instructor

Reccer says: I honestly think this fic is a classic. A must read. Not to mention it would be a sin

[pseudophan]

some post wad weekend thoughts...

i just wrote all this on the plane and haven't read it through so apologies for any mistakes

first of all, this weekend was incredible. i usually just kinda sit at home doing not much of anything, and this was a much needed break to actually have some fun. london in general always lifts my spirits but i suppose that danisnotonfire guy contributed a little as well.

guys i think i've met more people the past few days than i otherwise have in years. like. holy shit. i started listing people but i'm petrified i'll forget someone so i chickened out, sorry about that. but you all know who you are. i've met friends i've had for years, people i used to know but haven't spoken to in what feels like a decade, newer friends, and a frankly baffling amount of people i didn't know yet but who told me they've followed me for ages. like holy fuck you guys lmao what the hell??? and i mean did the reaction ever get old no of course it didn't. bad for my ego i'm sure but totally worth it. there's something very amusing and incredibly surreal about being chronically lame in most aspects of life and then suddenly finding yourself in an environment where you're kinda cool???? SO fucking fun oh my god, but also i do kinda feel like i've tricked you all? but hey i'll happily let you keep believing i'm cool, that is more than fine with me.

most importantly though everyone was SO lovely. like i said i don't think i've spoken to this many people in such a short amount of time in years and every single person i talked to was awesome. guys did you know phannies are kind of great... don't tell anyone but, lowkey... everyone is so funny and cool and absolutely insane but in a good way (shoutout everyone left at the gates until the very end, we should probably get some help).

and then lastly of course, mr howell himself. i talk about this a lot i feel like but fuck me that man was born to perform. whether you think he's actually funny or not, nobody can argue he doesn't absolutely thrive on a stage. he plays off the audience so well and he's so very obviously having the time of his fucking life. i'd already seen the show twice before this, and i didn't think anything would top the previous london show but man... the first night he came back out after the show having clearly been tearing up backstage, apologising for being an inconsistent absent parent, and i can't lie the "i had daddy issues and THEN i subscribed to dan howell" got me cause yeah no literally dude, you nailed it, exactly, well done. i think something about doing this show again, his magnum opus as he considers it, now after the dapg return was very special to him. he seems genuinely surprised that so many of us were ready to just jump back in like nothing happened, i don't think he was expecting so many people to still be waiting and it's... man. he comes off so grateful for us all and it's so fucking sweet. and then on the last night, i think that was my favourite, when the show ended and he got the standing ovation and people throwing him flowers.. he was so HAPPY. and clearly overwhelmed with emotion which, i gotta say, there is something honestly kinda funny about daniel howell standing in front of you trying not to cry. like no by all means dude go ahead, please, you've made me cry an endless amount of times it's only fair.

ugh. i'm proud of him or whatever. dick. and i'm proud of our ridiculous fucking community. i'm not sure what 14 year old nora would say if you'd told me i'd still be kicking it in the phandom a decade on, but at almost 25 (fml) i'm so so happy to be here still. you know, we get a bad rep, but i genuinely think as far as fanbases go we're pretty solid. and i love you all so much.

i believe i will have to rob a bank or something because the next time dan and/or phil do a tour i think i'll have to just show up at every date like i'm sorry but this was too good of a high we need to do it again immediately

anyway. back to work 💪

(by which i mean giffing dan and phil. i am still very much unemployed. fr though i'm two whole videos behind this has never happened i feel weird. who am i)

[alltheboysandgirlsiloved]

Chaos Theory review (characters' oriented review)

Since everyone is doing this, I thought I'd share my thoughts too because, to some extent, I feel like I'm in a minority here. In this post I'm going to focus mostly on the characters because there's a lot to say about the show in general and I don't have patience to write everything in one post.

spoilers under the cut

I said it yesterday and I will say it again: I absolutely loved Chaos Theory. It was action-packed, well-paced, dramatic and funny. It was everything I loved in Camp Cretaceous.

I'm especially grateful that they gave us a whole variety of emotions coming from all of characters.

I loved yasammy's conflict because it felt real and natural. Yas' PTSD being openly addressed was everything I hoped for (all of them have PTSD in some capacity but when it comes to Yas the execution was on the next level). And Sammy being fiercely overprotective over her girlfriend to the point it became too much?? That made so much sense because she had always been always protective but after the experiences in camp cretaceous, it is no wonder that this trait started to get out of her control. I don't know, it just made sense. I hope that in season 2 they go in detail about Sammy's family situation, I want her to talk about it with Yas. I'm really curious how it will play out and I can't wait to see Yas being super awesome supportive girlfriend.

I also really liked Darius and Kenji's relationship - I know, I know but hear me out. I actually enjoyed how the conflict(s) in their case seemed to keep piling up; they were growing like a fungus. I adored that little bit when Kenji mentioned that he stayed in touch with Darius' mother, while Darius didn't call her. I think it was incredible; such a small detail but tells you a lot about the years in their life that we didn't get to see.

While we are at it, I have to address the whole Darius and Brooklyn thing which I actually... didn't mind. I really didn't? And I don't mind that it was one-sided either. Maybe because it is the first (*cough*) openly addressed one-sided love story between the campers. I've always loved Darius and Brooklyn friendship, I genuinely believe that it was one of the strongest relationships in CC. It would be cool if they stayed platonic but really, I truly don't mind that one-sided love plotline. I wouldn't even call it a love triangle because to me it seems that Darius, to some extent, always knew that it was an unrequited crush, and I don't feel a sense of a privatization (between Kenji and Darius) either. You know what I actually liked about this situation? The fact that Darius didn't go to meet with Brooklyn because he was basically ashamed, embarrassed, and a little scared of his own feelings, of getting hurt. I feel like, in the long run, this is going to be incredible for his character development. Darius trying to run away from his own feelings to the point where he abandoned someone, where he tried hiding something from others? I genuinely think it added to his character and gave him additional depth. That's just my opinion though. I also think that even without that romantic plotline he would still call Brooklin after her "death". So to me, this really didn't change much other than adding more awkwardness and I had no trouble handling that (I always really liked visually the scene where Kenji and Darius were sitting in the bathtub. There was something pleasing about this)

Moving on to Kenji... Killing Daniel Kon so fast was certainly... a choice but. Kenji's reaction to his death was so well-done. It really highlighted the complex relationship that Kenji had with his father - someone he hated but who he also considered kind of a indestructible. His reaction was so heartbreaking and I was there for it.

And then there's also Ben. I'm gonna be honest - I am biased. I loved him before, I love him still so it feels unfair to write about him from my very biased perspective. Still - they could never make me hate him. I like how his character changed in so many ways but also stayed true to his core – he is adventurous and a little reckless (like a Jungle Boy that he was), and he is also soft and sensitive (that scene when he was crying when he was hiding under the truck broke me). I'm extremely curious about his background story that we barely touched upon - it is obvious that he had been living in that van for a while, which is interesting considering how he used to live on the campus and (let me remind you that) he has a loving mother that would surely support him if he decided to take a break just because he needs a break. From the looks of it, Ben seemed to be living on his own for a while – was his obsession with "being hunted" the only reason? or was there more? many questions. I am also a bit... sceptial about his girlfriend. The first time he mentioned her was not convincing to say at least, not to mention that apparently he had been living without his phone for a while now - were they talking online all this time or what? Idk, if he really has a girlfriend then first of all - the screenwriters are cowards, second of all - the relationship doesn't seem super-convincing for now.

Bonus: Mateo is one of the best characters introduced in the show, for me, he beats even Mae. He was perfect, actually perfect, I loved him. I really hope we will see him again in season 2 (above taking care of Bumpy) because I really liked his agency and his character arc.

Overall: I feel like your final review of CT depends heavily on what you tend to focus on while watching the show, and what you like in shows in general. I don't mind drama as long as it doesn't interfere with characters' personality. And I feel like a lot of choices they made in CT actually makes sense for these characters. I think it is also important to remember that this was - from what I understand - planned as a two-seasons long shows from the beginning which means that a lot of loose ends and decisions may not make sense yet but they will eventually be developed in season 2 (which would be awesome, we love consistent writing)

anyway, I only watched CT once for now, so don't quote me. I'm sure that I will have more thoughts later

[spyrkle4]

My thoughts on the ending of Danganronpa Despair Time Chapter 2

Man just when I think I can predict what'll happen in Drdt it throws a 180

I'm gonna hide the spoilerly stuff under the read more but first things first of my god... this was great!!! And it also makes me TERRIFIED for chapter 3 because chapter 2 was enough of an emotional rollar coaster, idk if the dev or anyone working on drdt will see this silly post bc a LOT of people have been sharing their thoughts on the ending of chapter 2 but I really enjoyed the ending

And that I don't mind if chapter 3 has a long wait bc my mental health is in shambles after this chapter

Okay now the spoilery stuff!

-First of all, I did find it interesting that the secrets (including David in his joker arc) was a bit of a red herring, the secrets weren't part of the murder/case at all, unless you count the part of Arturo threatening Eden over his secret, but after this trial EVERYONE's laundry has been aired and I wonder if that'll be touched upon in Chapter 3

-I think I've said this before but I love how the dead cast (Xander, Min, Arei, and now Ace) are just constantly mentioned, haunting the narrative, I'm pretty sure they're gonna keep that up

-Teruko having a mental breakdown after this, like homegirl spent ALL of chapter 2 trying to repress her grief over Xander and Min, but now that Arei, Ace, and potentially Levi are dead she ended up cracking, chapter 2 ending with her breaking down in the darkened trial room is heartbreakiiiing

-I read a couple posts before typing this and one of them mentioned that "MonoTV's comment about the most mastermind-y person getting punished" applied to Teruko almost being shot after telling Ace to kill MonoTV (she tried), the foreshadowing of this, like hey guys remember in chapter 1 when Ace was dragged into watching horror movies and he commented they were so scary he could've died from it :))

-Levi's really putting the L in Levi dude cant stop getting injured. but seriously I just wanna know WHY DID HE DO THAT LEVI OH MY GOD. LEVIIII

-MonoTV genuinely scared me, also the implications of who could potentially be running this show is also scaring me. and the implications that they're programmed to run this show until EVERYONE is dead.

-Not Ace's excecution being he gets psychologically tortured until its too much for his heart

-The fact it wasn't related to his talent but it was related to his constant fear of death is just evil.

-Also the way Ace goes out, before the ending I kind of thought his arc was a mirror to Arei's where that while she improved and started to trust some of the others, Ace became more cruel and distrustful, even to those still reaching out to him, he was so scared of dying that he ironically caused his own death by participating in the killing game and killing Arei

-And that he was so scared of dying, yet told MonoTV to go ahead with his execution so that the others could give Levi medical treatment and he even yells at Arturo that he CAN save Levi if he tries, dude in the end did change but sadly like Arei, he died before before being able to fully embrace that change

-also if you want to go more feral over the little details check out the names on the gravestones :))) I know at least ONE of the names is his only friend. And based his line of "I'm gonna have THREE deaths on my hands!" His friend might be deceased and he blames himself for it

-I was thinking "I sure hope the squeamish of the cast aka Charles and Rose shield their eyes during the execution" and then there was Whit's line of telling Charles to cover his eyes when Teruko is about to get shot

-Whit's sprite when the gang realize the elevators are closed is scaring me a little. its also scaring the Whit fans!

-That's all I'm gonna say about the ending, it was emotional and at least Ace was able to have some good moments before his end, I wonder what'll happen with the secrets aftermath including David causing problems on purpose, the cast realizing that the killing game is making them worse, and all the little lore that got dropped.

[zadig-fate]

Thoughts on the choice to write Everyone's Waiting in English

So I've seen a lot of criticism (or implied criticism) within the fandom of Bojan's choice to attempt an emotional song like Everyone's Waiting in English and complaints that his lyrics sound clumsy or less emotional/less genuine because he's not as good a songwriter in his non-native language. While I agree there's room for improvement in that respect, I want to examine and also defend this choice from a different perspective.

More below the cut, but tl;dr: even if the output isn't as eloquent, processing difficult feelings and personal struggles can actually be easier in your non-native language because it provides some distance and forces you to rethink how you view them.

When JO first announced they were moving to London and planning to do more songs in English, there was a lot of pushback, and those of you who remember the live discord Q&A (which I think was moved to IG or TikTok because of video troubles?) might remember Bojan getting a bit annoyed about this and stating that ultimately they make music for themselves, not for the public, and that while they appreciate the resonance their music has found with people, it's still first and foremost theirs.

This statement is always on my mind when I think about their choice to experiment with English songs and new sounds. And obviously I can't read Bojan's mind, but I can imagine that writing songs in English, even if they're not perfect, might give him a kind of personal satisfaction and a tool for working through his feelings that writing in his native languages doesn't.

Disclaimer: the following are just my non-scientific observations.

Some of my mutuals might know that I work as a translator, specifically as a literary translator. I recently translated an incredible book written in German by a Czech author. He is quite a famous Czech writer and this was the first book he had ever written in German, his non-native language. It deals with a lot of difficult themes like WWII, the Nazi occupation of Czechoslovakia, etc. When I met with him to discuss the English translation, he told me that he had to write this book in German because he couldn't write it in his native Czech. It would feel too close, too emotional. So he chose to write it in German, where he could examine these feelings from a distance and write a more honest book as a result.

And honestly, I get it. My native language is English. I learned German, my second language, as an adult, so to me it is and will always be non-native. I struggle with depression and anxiety and have been in therapy in both languages. I have personally made a lot more progress doing therapy in my non-native German than in my native English. You just fall into a lot of familiar thought patterns in your native language... it's easier to think less critically about your feelings in your native language because they feel so natural.

There's a kind of distance you get when processing your own thoughts and feelings in a fluent-but-non-native language that forces you to engage more consciously with them. You have to describe them in different words, in a different language altogether, so you have to reflect hard on what you really think and feel and how to best describe that in your other language. It's not possible to have a kneejerk reaction; you're forced to think things through.

It can also be easier to express thoughts in your second language that might feel uncomfortable in your native language because the words themselves are bound up with so much more emotion and context. And it places you a step away from the family and peer pressure in your native language. Bojan has even said in interviews that he feels more free to be himself in Serbian or English while feeling pressure to be a "good boy" in Slovenian.

All in all, if we take JO and particularly Bojan at their word that they're doing songs in English because they want to and not because they feel like they have to, I can see how writing in English might be genuinely therapeutic for Bojan, even if the end results are not as polished as his Slovenian lyrics. They may be more honest, even if they sound less refined and native.

I guess the question is whether he could have written Everybody's Waiting in Slovenian. From a technical standpoint, of course the answer is yes, but from an emotional one...? I'm not sure. Personally I can imagine that his anxieties might be easier to admit to and examine in another language, and not in the language of the country(ies) where he's so famous and has become such an idol. Maybe he feels like English gives him more distance and freedom in an emotional sense, even if his lyrical output isn't as strong. I can't read his mind, I can only say that I would understand.

[prince-liest]

Hi! About your staticradio series (which is PHENOMENAL omg😍) - I know you said Vox is kinda falling in love while Al will remain aro. Which is awesome, we love to see rep! But I'm wondering if they will end up as QPPs (who fuck, lol)? Or it'll strictly be FWBs? Gah it's diffifult to describe it bc labels are so subjective and often too limiting, but I guess what I'm asking is whether they'll have an emotional relationship too, however it might look with their orientations? Will Al in particular have any soft feels for Vox & be fond of their unique bond? Even if Vox is in love with him when Al himself isn't? (I worry that would scare Al away😭) An intimate emotional closeness regardless of the specifics?

Thank you so much!! I've been enjoying writing it enormously so it always brings me a lot of joy that other folks are, too. >:D Just a heads up, this post has turned a little long because it got me talking about Alastor and the way he handles his feelings vs his ego in general.

First: I think the answer to this depends fully on how you personally define a queerplatonic partnership! I don't think Alastor would ever go for, like, a committed relationship with Vox in any form, but I also don't think that this would necessarily be a sad state of affairs for Vox, who I obviously write as poly as fuck with his toxic yaoi husband. Maybe it's because I'm aro af, but I feel like from Vox's end, "Yeah, I get to fuck around with the guy I'm obsessed with and he's not, like, nice, but I think I Stockholmed him into giving a shit about me!" is not actually a state of affairs he'd dislike! Especially since it's got that shiny "I'm special!" vibe in the sense that Nobody Else Gets To Get This Far With Alastor.

As for Alastor's side of things...

I think that so much of their dynamic dynamic isn't just set by Alastor being aroace, it's also set by him being a fucking sadist and a narcissist, HAHA. Like, he is very much in the middle of developing feelings about Vox, which (if my favorite interpretation of his little breakdown in the finale is correct) is also where his character arc is heading with regards to the hotel crew in canon, too, but his friendship-and-trust arc is slowburn as all hell and not entirely linear.

Part of the fun in writing Alastor is the process of qualifying all of his feelings with his sense of superiority in a way that is protective of his ego. He is freely and openly fond of people when that fondness doesn't expose any kind of emotional vulnerability in him. For example: He feels a condescending but genuine fondness for Niffty and Mimzy, whom he protects, and that's safe! He's quirky friends with Rosy, who is a benevolent semi-equal who uplifts his ego, and that's safe! He... may or may not have started caring enough about the hotel crew to have put himself at risk for them, and that is not only dangerous to his physical well-being but also massively humiliating, which is arguably worse to someone like Alastor.

He has SO many ego-prioritizing defense mechanisms and it's fun for me to pay attention to because I, too, am someone whose cardinal sin is probably pride. Anything is permissible only as long as it can be framed in a way that doesn't insult his ego.

Anyway, the point is: I don't think "soft feels and fondness for their unique bond" is on the list of ways that Alastor is able to find himself feeling about someone like Vox. The whole reason their whole situation in 666: Live on Air! started is thanks to Alastor's awareness and amusement at how obsessed Vox is with him. He sees himself as above Vox, and knowing that Vox is more emotionally invested than he is is part of the appeal. It's just gone from (derogatory) to (fond). (Which is, guess what? Safe!)

(It also means realizing that Vox is falling madly in love or whatever just nets a reaction somewhere in the region of, "Wait, is that significantly different from what you were already doing?", lol, because the only thing that's changed is the flavor of feeling, not the level of exposed emotional underbelly that he thinks Vox is showing him.)

TL;DR: He likes Vox like a cat likes a favorite mouse.

[vyl3tpwny]

Hi!! I wanted to drop a message saying that I love your music. Antonymph was vital in helping me embrace myself. It’s one of my favorite songs by you, actually. As a creative myself, a lot of your music resonates with me, so I find myself replaying the same albums over and over and over.

The Paradise Valley mixtape really hits home with me on a lot of things discussed in the booklet. The Fish Whisperer album is one of my comfort albums that I listen to when I need a push forward to create. “I’ve still got something to teach you” is genuinely such a comforting song for me.

Your music is deeply inspiring and I can’t wait to listen to the songs you make in the future. Thank you for speaking on the things I don’t see many people talk about, for making songs that cover such important topics.

Btw I’m deeply hyperfixated on the Vylet Pony lore now

thank u so much!

i talk about this a lot but i really enjoy writing music about everything. i didn't used to be like this, it's sort of a thing i developed over a long period of time. it's a fun thing experience something or think of something and realize i've never rlly heard a song that talks about it, at least in the capacity i want to. it's kind of a challenge, but it feels like being able to put a shorthand marker on complicated emotions and situations that people do experience but never think to actually find unity in. i'm rambling, but i love doing things that encapsulate that.

the vylet pony lore goes way deeper than i think most people realize too. the stories i've been writing and building off of range back quite literally to 2012. some of the issues i'm faced with though are that a lot of what i've written in the past is underdeveloped or completely unfocused in the ways i would be able to remedy now. building off of things from that time period is a struggle. my hope is to bring things together succinctly so i can keep it alive while also having freedom to do more full bodied ideas with the knowledge and experience i have now.

[sbrn10]

Prefacing this with: I love Bells Hells with all my heart, and I have been much, much more obsessed with C3 than I was with C2 (although I love C2 a lot!), so this is not shitting on BH and should not be taken that way whatsoever.

HOWEVER.

It is genuinely so fucking funny that the Nein have been there for like 30 seconds and immediately it's like:

"Okay, so, let's talk about your god hangups. No, avoidance is not an option. If you lie, I've got Zone of Truth prepped and I'm not afraid to use it."

"You could die tomorrow, what are you waiting for? Kiss the blue man, my god."

"Have you told her how you feel?* Anyway, before you do, read Tusk Love, an incredibly accurate guide on how to pick up women--"

*Sidenote: Ashton, my fucking lying failchild (incredibly affectionate), NO YOU DIDN'T.

BH never met a conversation they couldn't avoid or an emotion they couldn't repress, and M9 is like, no, no, none of that, here is some emotional intelligence forcibly applied.

(Also similarly: when the Nein ask who Bells Hells' leader is, and actual BH is bickering and useless, and then Cad ignores them to go talk to Orym and Imogen because, I quote, "I love high wisdom, it's so great". CADUCEUS. I HAVE MISSED YOU.)

[yuseirra]

I really love your kamiai comics. The warm stories about their communication and interaction completely make up for my regret of not being able to see how they get along in the original work. btw, your analysis is also very good. I like it very much.Can't wait for your next update!❤️

(A small something before I start typing)

Thank you so, so much dear anon!! This really lifts my spirits up so much, you're very kind to expend your time to send me positivity. I appreciate it because I'm the shy type. I know how hard it can be to muster up the courage to talk to someone sometimes. So when I receive messages like this, I get really happy... it'd be nice if the people who were able to send me some kindness felt it was paid back :) I may not be able to reply fast but I try to get back so please be patient with me 'v')9!

HHngh thanks! I'm rereading your ask every word and savoring it! These two don't get that much screen time but what's been shown is really significant, they did have their moments! I'm so glad you feel the way you do after reading my comics and interpretations of them, that's the best reaction I could ever want from someone!! There are still things that are left ambiguous and are yet to be unfolded(I hope it does get explained more) so I'm worried as I draw them out sometimes... but reading this makes me feel empowered!! I feel like I've been doing pretty well, that's what your comment does for me. I'll do my best to think up something good to share with you, thanks for sharing your feelings with me!

Speaking of which, I have another analysis!! I'd like to share it with you here, I'd been writing it up earlier and it's not entirely unrelated to the hikaai situation:

I think it might have been Nino who's sent Ryosuke to Ai. Based on the behavioral patterns, Nino is the type who'd impulsively do something extreme in a fit of anger and later regret it. Even Nino might not have anticipated things would unfold this way, however. The phrase, "I only meant to scare them, I never thought they'd actually die," seems more like how Nino would feel about the situation, rather than Kamiki to be honest? That's a very absurd thing to say, but considering Nino's relationship with Ai, Nino might have been in a blinded, irrational state because she almost worships Ai. So, it's possible that she genuinely didn't think it would turn out this way somehow... she's a teenage girl with a lot of mood swings.

There’s a common scenario in horror movies where a second-place person, driven by jealousy, does something reckless, thinking, "If only the top person were gone, I could..." but not truly realizing the consequences. (It happens a lot as an east-asian trope) Jealousy has the power to paralyze rational thinking. Nino not only hated Ai, but she likely had a twisted affection for her as well. When Ai disappeared, she probably fell apart.

It's hard to imagine Kamiki acting this way, right? He wouldn’t have been unaware of the danger of sending someone like Ryosuke to his girlfriend. If this character did something like that, it would have to be out of serious malice or murderous intent, but Kamiki doesn't seem like the type to harbor such cruel emotions toward Ai. (Or just anyone at all, actually; we never really see him lashing out towards people. Even when he brings Ryosuke, or Airi up... he.. actually talks in a pretty soft sense despite they're absolutely horrible individuals. Even adds a -san and -kun to their names; I was surprised.) In Nino's case, on the other hand, it might have been something done without much thought, as her actions suggest she has that kind of streak. She’s the type who can say, "I wish you'd just die!" to someone but then cry if it actually happens. Her emotions fluctuate a lot.

We also have to note that Hikaru is just as good of a liar as Ai is. He's really used to lying, and that's what's brought him and Ai to relate to each other, bring them together and a crucial characteristic that's had Ai deem "he's the same as her". When he says he's the one who sent Ryosuke as he mentions "he wanted Ai to feel the same despair he's felt", we don't see his face and we only see him from the back. This is similar to the panel where Ai says "I can't love you", which was a well-meant but a really hurtful lie. Hikaru believed Ai and Aqua wants revenge on him. I think he may have tried to save Aqua of feeling even a slight sense of pity towards him as a person, making sure he really isn't worth feeling that way about. In fact, we don't see his expressions at all in that entire sequence, and what he says feels so off and ridiculous for a person with common sense to say. I feel like a lot of it could be a lie. AND I feel like he was putting on a facade for most of the scenes he's been in before the final arc- before he came to meet the twins. He's probably always been pretending to be okay with a smile on his face but he probably was pretty despairing and dead inside (his eyes turn black when he's in despair, you know)

At least so far in the story, Kamiki has never shown much interest in Ai's idol activities in the scenes he's been in. Instead, it was Ai who learned something from Kamiki. The fact that Ai is an idol, a star who attracts attention, was never portrayed as particularly important to Kamiki during their relationship. Ryosuke is a big fan of Ai as an idol, but there’s no clear reason why Kamiki would connect with someone related to Ai in that way. To Kamiki, Ai was like a light—a single, unique person he deeply depended on and loved, as if he could live with just her by his side, yeah, but it's a little different from viewing her as a idol. He probably depended on her a lot, but it seems he loved her not because she was an idol or someone shiny and valuable, but because she was someone who could understand and care for him. He doesn’t have the mentality of "I can't forgive an imperfect Ai." That kind of anger, resentment, or desire to make Ai suffer seems more likely to come from Nino. Kamiki even seems to think it’s natural that Ai wouldn’t like him back. He’s too accustomed to that feeling.

Kamiki’s actions suggest a certain helplessness. He seems to accept everything without resistance, always at a loss for words. This has been consistent from the moment he was introduced. When he asked Ai, "You love me, right? You won’t leave me, right?" and her response was something like, "I don’t know," he ended up going outside and crying in the rain. When he was gaslit by Airi in an absurd way, he despaired and stood there, frozen in panic. Even when Ai said something harsh and broke up with him, he couldn’t say anything back. Even 15 years later, he watches a video and is rendered speechless, reaches out to Ai, and curls up. This sort of behavior is so consistent that I realize this character doesn’t have any self-defense. He just accepts everything as his fault and internalizes it. It’s like he’s been so used to terrible things happening to him from a very young age that he doesn’t even think "I hate this" but rather, "People like it when I do this, so this must be right." With that kind of mentality, he gets pushed around. He seems to accept every negative judgment about himself and engages in self-destructive behavior.

The likelihood of this character doing something aggressive like sending Ryosuke to Ai is, in my opinion, less than 2%. Suddenly lashing out four whole years after the breakup? He probably went to cry after he got the phone call. Didn't he just reach his drinking age? Maybe he went to drink for the first time because he was so distressed after receiving the call… and somehow, in that state, he met Ryosuke and accidentally let the address slip, which led to Ai’s death, and now he feels like he has to save her with all he's got. Ai's the one who saved him, and it's kind of natural for him to feel like "Now I should save her in return, I don't care what happens to me!" That would make sense, right? The lyrics, the character’s personality—it all fits if you take it this way. And his personality doesn’t seem to have changed all so much actually. While reading the manga, I thought, "What’s with his way of speaking? He has such low self-esteem." Now, reading it again, it feels like he’s deeply immersed in self-blame.

The song Fatal starts with the lyrics being:

Waking up from another dream, I open my wet eyelids I curse my helplessness from those far days which dreadfully remain Will this despair that burns my body feed me someday? I keep burning myself from it as I crave adoration

This is totally how Kamiki would feel after he learns about Ai's death, if that's not what he's ever expected to happen. He'd be in utter despair and feel so helpless about not having been able to do anything as the only love of his life die like that. That's why he's so desperate in the entire song,

Without you, I cannot live anymore I would sacrifice anything for you I can’t get enough of your love What should I use to fill in what’s missing?

These sets of lyric's too intense for it to be Aqua's, but it fits his dad's mentality perfectly. Kamiki's life's been so miserable.

Ai is an exceptionally well-crafted character. When you consider the details, like the story of her trauma from the glass shards in her white rice (which broke my heart when I read it), you can see how much thought the author put into crafting her psychology.

Why write a story where she asks a favor to her own dear children to help out the person who's the very cause of her death? How could that character be portrayed as if they truly, desperately loved Ai? Isn’t that incredibly cruel to Ai, the victim? If it were me, I wouldn’t write the story that way. I don't think the writer would have either. I really feel that Hikaru isn’t the type of character who would do something like that. And since Ai’s affection for that character aligns with that sort of interpretation, with it being really consistent, I think… it's a lie and a misunderstanding.

I think that, unable to forgive himself for unintentionally leaking the address and thus contributing to Ai’s death, Hikaru wanted to be punished and ended up telling Aqua a ridiculous lie. If someone could open Ai’s heart to that extent, it could only mean that this person was genuinely beloved by her. For someone as wounded as Ai, finding a person she wanted to love that deeply isn’t easy. But if that character had committed such a terrible act, what would it mean? It would feel so unsettling. It would conclude that Ai failed to find someone to love, that she trusted the wrong person, and that the protagonists’ father was someone who harmed their mother. When you consider what the manga is ultimately trying to say, the less responsible the character Ai loved is for her death, and the more genuine their feelings for Ai, the greater the impact would be. It would also make sense in the context of Ai, who wanted to give love, finally finding someone deserving of it.

I couldn’t form a solid opinion until Chapter 154 and Fatal came out. I wasn’t sure how things would turn out and just watched. But after those chapters, I felt that this interpretation was correct. When you interpret it this way, it aligns with the psychological depictions throughout the story. It’s not that I deliberately interpreted it favorably because I liked this couple, but rather that as I analyzed it, this interpretation made sense, which made me more favorable towards them. There's certainly a difference between the two.

I was really happy when I received your message and a few other ones saying that my interpretation was warm, persuasive, and made you appreciate this ship ;v;.. Oh, I really want to get this right too... thanks guys, I very appreciate your kind words, sorry if what I say turns out to be wrong but I am trying my best!!

I take psychology very seriously, so if this turns out to be right, I’d be thrilled! This is what makes the most sense for me at this point, so I'll hold onto it until things clear up~

Again, super long reply! I hope you're okay with it, anon! Lots of love, thanks for the cheers and kind words!!

[angryplebianart]

I don’t wanna sound rude at all but I am genuinely curious as to why you ship 2doc? I’m not trying to like target you in particular or anything I’m just wondering in general why do people like it

This is gonna be a long one lmao

A little backstory: When I first got into Gorillaz I really hated Murdoc. My sister showed me a playlist of all the videos in order. The whole playlist I kept going on about how I didn't like Murdoc and my sister was like "well, just wait." By Lost Chord I was a bit sympathetic and beginning to like Murdoc, I loved seeing that he was helping everyone else escape before he did and I really liked seeing 2D save him despite everything.

I've always been a sucker for relationships with drama(even platonic relationships), for one, for two I love when characters have chemistry (even platonic chemistry) because of what they've been through together if that makes sense.

This was before I really knew much about the band at all besides what was shown in the videos and the first time I heard about 2doc I was confused and kind of weirded out that people would ship such a toxic and dysfunctional couple. As I learned more about the band and the characters, though, and as I dug into the lore, I found Murdoc to be a much more sympathetic character than I had originally seen. A flawed character, deeply flawed, but sympathetic nonetheless and with the inkling of a redemption arc forming. I also found it interesting that even after all that had happened, 2D and Murdoc still had this indescribable bond (that a lot of people label as Stockholm syndrome but I do not).

I was on twitter one day and stumbled across a discussion about the song Souk Eye and heard that in the live shows, every time the line "I will always think about you" was sung, Murdoc's face was up on the screen. I dug into the lore for TNN album and became even more intrigued with the ship. I saw a Souk Eye animatic that depicted 2D having these battling emotions over Murdoc being gone. That he really missed him but still resented him as well and by this point you could say I was dipping my toes into the 2doc waters.

I started looking for other signs that maybe it was implied to be a canon thing and found so much stuff thanks to a couple "2doc Daily" accounts on twitter (that really just regurgitated the same things the other account said, to the point that I didn't realize it was two different accounts for a couple months lol) that only posted canon evidence.

Maybe it's silly and a lot of people don't like it, but I really do like it. It's so fun to headcanon about the ship and their dynamic.

It really seems like 2doc has been somewhat implied since the beginning in the lore and some interviews, and even some of Jamie's art (them wearing each other's clothes, 2D with Murdoc's monogrammed razor hooked on his necklace, them sharing accessories like the little crown necklace and them sharing hats on PB, the original storyboard for the newspaper comic in Do Ya Thing, there's more examples but those are the ones off the top of my head rn).

Regardless of the ship's popularity, I've come to really like it and it just adds another layer of enjoyment to my love for the band! 🩵💚☺️💚🩵

Thanks for the ask! Sorry if this is rambly or doesn't make a lot of sense, I'm writing this right before bed lol

Edits: I separated this long ass wall of text into digestible paragraphs 😛

[stripedstarsblueflags]

i didn't win the wheel: episode 4

here we go, episode 4! compared to some of the others, pretty understated, but it's definitely one of my favorites. why? I'LL TELL YOU WHY (that's what i do) (and that's what you're here for) (i think)

Logan: "Whoever can guess the most fake team names–" leans in dramatically and smirks at the camera– "gets to spin that wheel."

Alex: "It's our biggest highlight of the weekend."

okay SO! episode 4, and here we're introducing one of my favorite things about this whole series. i've said it before, i'll say it again; alex thinks this is stupid. he enjoys doing the challenges and messing around with logan (obviously) and i think he enjoys being given an actual reason to do something silly and weird, he just thinks the concept is dumb. but he's starting to become endeared to it, more amused than annoyed. and logan is picking up on this, as he has been the whole time. so far logan has been a little gremlin, knowing when and what and how to annoy alex as he fumbles through this ridiculousness. and something that will become a theme of this show **that starts today** is logan starts his own bit just for alex– the camera gets right in on it too. look at that ridiculous random close-up. he stares right into the lens with the most plastic game-show-host raised eyebrow/smiling eyes ever. he does that stupid thing hosts do when they hype up something so much it literally almost gets freaky, like he's trying to be straight up seductive talking about That Wheel ™, and to alex– underwhelmed, fed-up, "why am i here" alex, this is fucking hilarious. as soon as logan delivers the line he leans back to look at alex because he knows exactly how that joke will land. and he's right. alex goes from just fidgeting on the table and staring at literally nothing to smiling for the first time, shaking his head, and then picking up to continue the bit. and logan's so proud of himself that he's brought this little twist of humor, he looks at alex waiting for the reaction, almost tantalizing himself and of course alex reacts exactly how logan thought he would and his smile goes from playful and mischievous to just genuinely endeared

also, let's talk a little bit about how the game progresses; "real-or-fake" with some bizarre football team names. for the first third, maybe even half of the game, the dynamic is pretty predictable. alex looks confused, doubtful. he does all his thinking out loud, mulling over either option, looking behind the camera at the questioners as if he can trick them into giving something away. logan sits back quietly, thoughtfully, and gives a one-word answer while alex rambles. but as the game goes on, we see logan start to kind of open up. he responds with a little bit more expression, even a tiny bit of emotion in his voice, and eventually he starts thinking out loud just like alex is doing. only while alex is thinking out loud to the staff, waiting for some hint of an answer, logan is thinking out loud to alex. turning his head. not saying a whole lot but only delivering his answer to the crew and then turning around to see how alex will react. they both start to remember it's a competition, alex with "i've got to catch you somehow" (oh do you) and logan "you could've brought it back!" (oh could he). it goes from a challenge to a game.

eh, nothing much to say about this particular moment. just logan leaning into alex waiting on his answer. just alex failing again in the same way (thinking it's too fake to be fake) and logan celebrating his win. just alex tossing his head in logan's direction with a sheepish smile and then logan tilting his head up slowly and gazing at alex and taunting him with his eyes. just logan saying "two up, baby!" while smiling at alex and then alex laughing again and then immediately having to turn away and cast his eyes down. just that i guess.

THIS! okay yes this is a pivotal moment!

we've seen physical contact in grid friendships before. a lot. like a lot a lot (if you're racing with carlos sainz, i mean come on, what are you expecting). it's natural, it's comfortable, it's even expected– so many of these guys have literally grown up racing against each other. formula 1 isn't anyone's first-year orientation, most of them have either known each other or known of each other for years. with some people it's different; oscar isn't super big on physical contact. zhou's level of introversion is like if a cat became a monk (which i admire). with these two in particular, with each other– it's not that they don't like contact or that it just doesn't come naturally, but the concept itself holds a certain level of anxiety. they're complete opposites. even on the same team, their situations and environments are so different, it's like they don't even have that solid ground to share. logan is alone at williams, alex is their golden boy even though everyone (including himself) knows that he's outperforming that car. and they both have to put on a smile and carry their team's image off track because the car can't do it on track. by all means their relationship should be strained, especially in these "hey can you guys pretend to be happy for us" videos, or at the very least hold a professional sort of iciness. so physical affection? why would that even come up? but throughout this series they've both tried leaning into each other, looking a little too close, holding eye contact for maybe a bit longer than expected. and it's not just one person making the move, it's both of them testing the waters at random intervals, hesitant and anxious and double-checking for approval immediately before or after. earlier in the video logan half-raises his arm and almost leans into alex like he's planning to reach out and shies away, thinks better of it. and then alex gets something right and he's so happy about it and still at the point where he's surprised to be getting anything right at all and logan just reaches out and gives him that reassuring pat on the knee. like bros do. except his expression turns totally flat when he does and his voice gets kind of flat too and nonchalant and he's nervous as fuck and trying to hide it because this is like a test. he doesn't know how alex is going to react and he's forcing himself to be as casual as possible to the point where it stands out because now alex has to be as casual as possible and there's no chance to make it weird. except what alex does is yeah he laughs and he's happy that he scored and then he turns and looks at logan and suddenly the happiness intensifies and his smile is so much brighter and that's when logan reaches out and alex is almost surprised at the touch but he's not and it's just sweet and smooth and comfortable

YES OKAY HERE WE GO! so logan is an overthinker by nature and definitely so after that one knee pat (he's totally thinking in circles about this). he still glances at alex *a lot* but suddenly now his glances are fleeting, at one point he's in the process of turning his head and he literally interrupts his own movements to turn around and look back to the questioner. and up to this point he doesn't reach out again at all. BUT alex is actually catching up with the game and he finally gets the question that ties their score and then he reaches out? and literally makes the most awkward noise possible it's like "heeEeeuh" because he's trying to laugh and he's trying to say like hey look at that i beat you but now he's ALSO overthinking. because he's nervous and trying to read the right signals but he knows he's excited and he knows that logan's set a tone and he's making the same move with the same amount of apprehension. it almost looks forced because they don't do this they don't know how to do this but they're figuring it out and they're comfortable and they're realizing that maybe this doesn't have to be scary and maybe they can just be this with each other!!

UH YEAH WHAT DID I SAYYY! alex is getting more excited as he starts finally getting ahead in the game. the names are just as weird, he and logan both put as much thought (probably too much) into figuring out if they're real or not, but the reactions just get more and more intense on the answers. as they find out who's correct. and logan's happier and he's getting bolder and he's both shocked and elated like "this worked?? this is okay now??" and now compared to his usual somewhat sedate mannerisms he's like all over alex. it doesn't look like something that comes naturally to him, it looks awkward, it looks too thought-out... because it is. because he's waiting for someone to tell him to stop. he's waiting to feel like he's doing the wrong thing because good things can never last. but alex isn't pushing him away or moving his chair away or giving any sort of sign that he wants this tone to change. instead he's like letting logan move him, kind of like either relaxing or melting into him to the point where he's letting logan push him around and he keeps doing that smiling/eyes light up/suddenly too much/look away combo that we know is just teasing logan at this point. and they both look nervous and uncertain and so much less sure but so much more energized than anything this series has brought us before.

[prize wheel lands on Alex mini helmet]

Logan: "It's signed, too."

Alex (turning to Logan, absolute 😯 oh no! 😯 moment): "It is?"

[they both burst out laughing]

oh no, how could they do this to me? code ultramarine blue because this has officially killed me. "it's signed, too" logan doing his little game-show host bit that made alex laugh earlier?? alex having zoned out already, being completely lost and then turning to logan with the most sorrowful confused expression (instead of, i don't know, the TEAM WHO ARE FACILITATING THIS EVENT) and asking in that stupid sorrowful confused voice "it is?" so quietly that the mics literally do not pick it up??? and logan meeting his gaze and realizing that yes alex is indeed completely lost about his own signature on his own merch and he just fucking cracks up and as soon as his face lights up and he smiles that big alex turns to the camera like ?? and then he bursts out laughing and logan just straight up pushes him because WE HAVE ENTERED THE REALM OF PHYSICAL CONTACT and at first alex is just laughing at the camera/in general but then as soon as logan's hand is on him and after he's just absolute heart eyes for logan and guys please it's not even that funny but they're in each other's company and in each other's presence and that makes everything exponentially better and

and you know what? i think this could've been something. i think this moment, these few moments between them, could have actually meant something to them as individuals and to their relationship as a whole because they're trying new things, neither of them are 100% comfortable with the other but they want to be. "i know this is silly and i know we have to look and act a certain way right now but i want you to know that i'm having fun because i'm with you. and i don't want this to be just another front that we have to put on because there's something about this that makes me wish it was different. that we could be just us and we could just have fun without the cameras, without a bribe, without some motivation for some other things. i want to be this comfortable with you and i like playing this role for you and i like who you are to me when we're like this, and i wish it was real i wish it can be real"

i think it could've been something if the rest of the season hadn't just been a torturous, meticulous, agonizing campaign to break logan down. the self-confidence, humor, affection, boldness in this video? this is at a time when something like that could still happen at least a little bit off camera. unorchestrated. in general. and then we arrive at a point where logan has fallen so deep in these shadows that bringing out this kind of energy takes so much work and time and so much alex that it's not something that can be taken for granted and it's not something that will ever indicate anything else outside of whatever particular video and that–

that's not fair

episode 5

[celaenaeiln]

I’m not sure if this is something you’ve talked about before so sorry if it is, but I’ve just been reading a bunch of your Bruce and Dick centric posts and was wondering,

They are mutually codependent and there is SO MUCH genuine love there is between them, but obviously their relationship leads to a lot of hurt on both sides (I feel that Dick gets the shorter end of the stick there but anyway) and one of if not the main point of contention in their dynamic is the fact that Dick wants freedom and autonomy in a way that Bruce fears because of his own insecurity about Dick and his trauma regarding having a lack of control.

Do you think there could ever be a situation that would make either of them (personally I’d say likely Dick because again, in their dynamic Bruce mainly acts however he sees fit in order to keep Dick with him rather than anything else) permanently cut off their relationship? Either totally or just in a personal sense while still working together professionally as heroes.

Then as a follow up, if their relationship was cut off, how do you think this would affect both characters (and possibly how it would affect Dick’s dynamic with the Titans, considering how a big issue with them is how devoted Dick is to Batman)?

I was gonna say I can't think of one but then I remembered the Batman Beyond Comics!

But even the Batman Beyond comics where Dick and Bruce are estranged, they aren't able to provide a reasonable explanation for why Dick abandoned him.

In one of the two fates, Dick gets shot by the Joker

Batman Beyond (2010) Issue #4

Which is not a great explanation because I know for a fact the cape is bulletproof because I've seen bullets bouncing off it. But also the purpose of Batman Beyond is that Bruce is alone and no longer Batman but the city still needs a Batman. Therefore Terry becomes Batman. If Dick stayed as Nightwing, then there really wouldn't be a need for Batman because Dick would just become Batman instead or pass it on to someone else. Bruce would still have his emotional support system and that can't happen. So the best writers could come up with to create an abandonment scenario is the bulletproof cape isn't bulletproof.

But even though Dick completely cuts off Dick, Bruce says in the continuing Batman comics in lieu of apology something along the lines of "you're still my heir, Dick." to which Dick just walks out and Bruce feels depressed. He could've taken Dick out of the will or cut him off too but until his death he kept waiting for Dick to come back even if he never admitted it. So yes, Dick is more likely to abandon Bruce under the extremely worst made up and not logically circumstances because even in the most nonsensical scenarios, it's impossible to write a comic where Bruce abandons Dick.

The second reason Dick leaves Batman is because Bruce slept with Barbara but worse tried to use that to prevent Dick from marrying her. Barbara explains the story to Terry.

Batman 2.0 Issue #28

Now this, this is the believable part. Not Barbara cheating on Dick with Bruce but what comes after -

Batman Beyond 2.0 Issue #28

It's Bruce using other people to get Dick to stay single. Bruce's attachment issues are out of this world.

He promised Barbara not to say anything and the second she left he ran to Dick to tell him everything first!

Even after Barbara cheated on Dick, which still isn't believable, it can be excused for a night of passion where she was aching and missing him. But what's Bruce's excuse? He missed Dick too but he has no love for Barbara and much more clear-minded. He slept with her knowing that Dick would eventually find out one day and he used that knowledge as a weapon to keep Dick from getting married. Bruce and Barbara both know they don't love each other and Bruce could care less that she's pregnant but the potential of manipulating Dick into staying single was evidently too good to pass up.

Literally why Bruce???

But putting aside how both of these circumstances technically shouldn't happen for the sheer reason that it doesn't make sense for them to, the only answer for when Dick would abandon Bruce or vice versa is never.

But let's say it did happen and something went so egregiously wrong that Dick left him. How does that affect relationships? One answer - everyone would unilaterally side with Dick. When Bruce fired Dick, Superman was ready to fight him (verbally). But if Bruce had done something so horrible as to get Dick to actually leave him forever, given how Dick sticks with Bruce through everything and is canonically stated as Bruce's confidant, then at that point Bruce has become irredeemable.

It's not a surprise at all that no one, absolutely no one, stays with Bruce in Batman Beyond. He's completely alone with no family or friends. Because if Dick refuses to stay with him, then who will?

But one thing always stays consistent no matter what happens between Dick and Bruce. Whether it's the past, present, or future because even if Dick abandons Bruce for reasons undefinable - Dick will always come back for the kids.

Batman Beyond (2012) Issue #23

Batman Beyond 2.0 Issue #2

So no, realistically there isn't a circumstance in which Dick would abandon Bruce. In fact during Batman/Nightwing: Bloodborne, Bruce gets infected with a killer virus so Dick takes a vaccine that's been completely untested - purely experimental - and undergoes a blood transfusion with Bruce to save him.

Batman/Nightwing: Bloodborne

"I've got nothing to lose."

Dick would give up everything for Bruce. Their blood transfusion gets interrupted halfway when villains try to kill them but Dick fights off like 50 people while having hallucinations, pain, and a high fever from the killer virus but he'll do anything if that's what it takes to save Bruce.

That kind of devotion doesn't die easily. They're both equally unhealthily overly attached to each other.