#I do feel so helpless
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#jojo rambles#how do you help someone who you can not help?#I do feel so helpless#and then I don't call and that doesn't help either#thats just me ignoring the situation#conversations I don't want to have and nobody should have#and I try to be hopefull but man it can be difficult#delete later
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Im sad so I drew cute itafushi to cheer myself up ;)
#itadori yuji#fushiguro megumi#itafushi#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#my art#like…so many bad things happen to me lately and i feel really helpless cuz i cant do anything about it#its like everything in my life got fuked up all at once#i cried a lot and i feel useless but yeah at least i can still draw something cute#i hope its cute tho#and i hope this art can make someone’s day better as well
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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I am seeing less people talking even though the situation is more dire than ever. I know we are all tired. It is understandable.
Keep it up though. Put your frustration and pain into work and use it. Turn to your family and friends and support each other through it.
To quote Shreen abu Aklaa: “The cause needs a lot of endurance. Keep your spirits up”
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Art work by : Sally Samir
We are lucky to be alive and well. Use it.
#it is important to address that if we push ourselves hard we will burn out#so the way to do it is to find a support system and use that sadness into something positive#positive for the cause#if you feel you are doing something you will feel less helpless#anyway enough with gushy mushy#palestine#free palestine#fuck israel#i stand with palestine#fuck the usa#gaza under genocide#gaza#free Gaza
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Was thinking about an 'alternate universe' where a young Sasuke, in the absence of guidance on how to carry out his clan traditions, tries to connect to his fractured identity by spending time in the Naka Shrine and accidentally summons the ghost/spirit of Izuna who hears his cries of injustice and grief from the other side.
Truthfully, I don't know why it would be Izuna in particular, but I'm kind of playing around with the idea that his death was viewed as so unjustifiable and horrific by Madara that Madara's devastation over it prevented Izuna's spirit from properly/completely passing over into the Pure Lands. So, Izuna's spirit remains in this unaware-but-restless state and one day it materializes to answer the call of another Uchiha (who also just so happens to be an Indra transmigrant, like Madara, if we want to go there... maybe their emotions carry extra weight and power within the spiritual world) now trying to process his own unimaginable grief, this time over the death of his entire family, bloodline, and culture. Thus they become bound to one another (for better or worse) and Izuna is, from then on, always there, carried by (and only visible to) Sasuke on his journey...
Maybe they both come to believe that if they get justice for the clan (which they initially believe is by killing Itachi, 'the kinslayer') then Izuna will finally be freed and Sasuke will have done right by his family and avenged them. But really, I think what would actually be keeping Izuna 'stuck' is the plan that evolved (at least partially) from Madara's grief over his death, Project Tsukuyomi... thus their quest expands and the two then need to figure out how to alleviate Madara's guilt/sense of loss over Izuna's death and rekindle his feelings of hope in the world once more (ie. stopping the plan). Somehow, lol.
And I think Izuna would be a fun character to do with this with because there's so little we truly know about him, but so much we can infer due to his impact on other characters' actions/story events.
Idk, in my opinion there's just a lot of opportunity here for a good mix of heart and comedy, especially with Izuna as a more defined character that has a little more freedom than other characters to be molded. I also think having someone Sasuke can connect to, that's from his clan (but is also still deceased and a reminder of how alone he is, ie. end of the day Izuna is still a ghost, an ancestral relic of the now-dying clan) would have a profound effect on him.
It'd almost be like his own inner Kurama voice except Izuna provides no chakra or power amps, only scathing commentary on how much he hates the injustices of the village (and its Senju leadership) lol. Also, I like to think his reactions to all the in-universe stories about 'Madara's deeds' (which is really Obito) would be entertaining.
A sketchy comic since I like the idea so much haha:
#izuna uchiha#sasuke uchiha#uchiha clan#naruto#naruto au#naruto fanart#Spoiler about me... stories about grief and the acts involved with processing grief mean a lot to me.#I think it's profoundly human and the way each of us interacts with the emotions it carries/inspires is incredibly unique#annnnd Sasuke interacting with ghosts just feels right and is something that should happen more.#But like fr how would Izuna react to Madara stabbing Sasuke during the war arc? Unable to talk to his brother and seeing him kill this -#- distant relative that he's really bonded with over the past few years...#Wanting so badly to intervene but being helpless to do anything. Also Tobirama is nearby in that scene lol. Would be quite interesting.#Izuna is 100% a yapper. He has that vibe.#Like Sasuke orders him away during the Sasuke-Itachi fight because Izuna is just tallying up/ranting about all of Itachi's lies about him -#- and Madara/the nature of the clan.#i should start writing these down lol#not serious#Haven't drawn in a while I miss making dumb comics.#hoping there are no spelling mistakes - oh well.
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merlin being so overwhelmed by everything he’s been put under, crumbling under the weight of destiny and being pulled in so many different directions he’s being torn apart, going to the one person who can offer him the most comfort out of everyone, his best friend, his other half. arthur who doesn’t realize whats happening until he turns and sees merlin’s desolate expression and tear filled eyes. merlin going “i know you are king (or prince) and you refuse to call me your friend, but you are mine and i really, really need my friend right now.” and before arthur can manage a word, merlin is stumbling forward into arthur’s arms and pulling him into a desperate hug, muffling his sobs as best he can but arthur can still feel the tears soaking his shoulder. arthur not asking any questions and just wrapping his arms around merlin while he breaks down.
#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#platonic or romantic merthur#both fit#merlin shouldve gotten the chance to break down in front of arthur at least once#merlin was always there for arthur when he was feeling down#merlin always picked up the pieces#arthur shouldve been able to return the favor#i need arthur seeing this extremely vulnerable merlin who is weighed down by something arthur doesnt truly understand#but he is stil lthere for merlin#they were friends even if they (mostly) refused to admit it and i feel like they shouldve had moments like these#like yeah these moments happened when arthur was breaking down but i wouldve loved to see it from merlin#arthur noticing that merlin has so much going on that arthur has no idea how to help or fix or how to protect him from it#being so helpless that all he can do is wrap merlin in his arms and let him cry#merlin doesnt ever tell him why he broke down. when he finally pulls away he wont meet arthurs eye and is wiping away his tears#then he apologizes and leaves#fanfiction#fanfic#fic idea#prompts#head canon#headcanon#hc#angst 😋
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And when OPLA calls back to Zeff telling the crew to read stories to Zoro so he can hear their voices and recover faster, by having Sanji sit by his bedside on Thriller Bark and read him a book about the All Blue. What will you do then?
#literally the scene of Nami reading Zoro Noland’s book at the Baratie is my favorite addition#cause East Blue Nami is so damn prideful so seeing her do something that seems silly-#(reading to someone who isn’t listening)#-is such a fun way to mark her progress as a character#I can see her being the one to remind Sanji of Zeff’s advice and the act of reading to Zoro being a way to process the sort of.#hit to his pride and even self-perception that is Zoro’s interference in Thriller Bark.#why did Zoro stop him? Why would Zoro want to die in his place? Choose his dream instead of his own?#(maybe because he knew that sitting by your friend’s still body- helpless- is the worst feeling in the world)#Aside from this though I can specifically see the book being about the All Blue working#cause its a reminder about what a wonderful dream Sanji has. It’s a way to regain vigor and the willingness to fight for it#after having just tried to discard it in the face of Kuma moments prior. Specially know that he knows Zoro is fighting for it too#matt owens are you out there. please#opla#one piece#roronoa zoro#blackleg sanji#opla spoilers#for like future seasons that may or may not even happen#my post#zosan
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I'm trying really hard not to just be The Complainer because that's an energy I don't want to bring here when I love (present tense; I rewatch it like 5 times a day) arcane season 1 so much but does anyone remember when powder was taken in by silco and being raised by this very utilitarian merciless 'the ends justify the means' type character made jinx turn out violent and merciless as well. and vi was horrified by her and the lanes were terrified of her and piltover was falling over itself trying to scapegoat her as the one bad apple of the undercity to kid themselves into believing that everyone else was perfectly fine with being treated as less than. and that contrasts vi after vander etc. died because she was raised by him and internalised the idea that no one wins in war and fighting back against systemic oppression isn't worth the damage it causes to your own community which is why she ended up working with cait and the council like vander worked with grayson. the people who raised them shaped them into who they are today but then in season 2 jinx has a daughter and she's suddenly completely normal and well adjusted and her attachment style isn't digging her nails in until she draws blood at all. like What. what happened. didn't things used to mean something
#arcane#arcane critical#powder was raised by vi more than vander#she barely spoke to him#and powder always cared more about vi's reaction than the dead parents on the ground 2 feet away from her#which does a lot to explain 'I am the monster you created' when season 1 was so heavy on children being shaped by their parents#vi did eldest daughter syndrome too hard. vander told her it was her fault if things went wrong and then most of her family died#vi having a momentary bad reaction to her little sister causing all of this and realising that vander was right about violence#because she's so used to it that she just hit powder in the face and made her nose bleed and it seeped into every aspect of her life#and needing to step away for a moment and just feel and cry and be a child#ruined everything and it's always framed as her 'abandoning' powder (which I understand how powder would see it that way#because I'm such a youngest sister that's my first thought too. I have to remind myself that's Not What's Happening. also powder has bpd#she demonstrably cannot handle what she perceives as rejection or abandonment or betrayal or the truth being withheld)#vi has to do So Much. why is everything her fault. I so adore how much she wants to look after powder because of course she does#but jinx isn't seven anymore. she doesn't want to be treated like the helpless little girl she was that day. she's an adult#she had to nuke the council for vi to understand that she isn't the same anymore#and she's responsible for her own actions#ITS ALL SO GOOD ITS SOSOSOSO GOOD I LOVE SISTERS#*correction: I believe jinx is vaguely a teenager in s1. not an adult (being imprisoned by piltover would be as wrong as when she was 7)#but not vi's kid sister anymore either
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thinking about a soulmate canon au where you find your soulmate via touch and the jedi order is a bit more pious and has a very respectful no touching culture that obi-wan absolutely abides by. meanwhile anakin is raised on tatooine before coming to the temple and he's really used to touch, and it drives him a little insane, that no one touches him casually in the temple but he learns to abide by it as well and follow his master's example
only for him to fall head over heels for padmé as soon as they touch in aotc and he thinks his reactions to her are due to them being soulmates so they get married because padmé doesn't really know what finding her soulmate feels like either, but anakin's touch and attention feels good (and maybe he unintentionally uses the Force to convince her) so they must be soulmates
meanwhile obi-wan saved his padawan's life when he was like sixteen and was knocked unconscious and tossed into an ocean or something so obi-wan gives him mouth to mouth to resuscitate him---and discovers instantly that they're soulmates....but anakin's out cold and doesn't feel it so obi-wan's left alone with the realization that he's some kind of monster, being the soulmate of a child and anakin can never ever ever know.
so canon happens as canon does but with obi-wan knowing and keeping this secret to himself and carefully making sure he never touches anakin while anakin gets all of his touches from his wife and obi-wan watches from afar knowing he can never tell anakin or anyone else
but palpatine works it out and definitely tells anakin once he's Fallen and killed his wife and also been barbecued (by his soulmate), which makes vader obsess with finding obi-wan (more than he is in canon)
and he finally captures him and has the acolytes chain him up in mustafar. vader visits and asks if obi-wan cut off his arms so he couldn't touch him and know, and it's obi-wan's worst fear and biggest regret that anakin finds out they're soulmates, but now he has no control over the situation. not as vader approaches, not as he takes off his helmet, not as vader leans close and brushes what remains of his lips against obi-wan's cheek
and it feels just as good and right and perfect as it did the first and only time they touched, except now obi-wan isn't sure who the monster is. maybe it's both of them
#kit's silly lil aus#obikin#vaderwan#tw: non consensual touching#to be safe but also in my mind its wayyyy dubious and non con touching when vader captures obi-wan#obi-wan's relatively helpless and vader is still a touch starved cat#rubbing their cheeks together because it feels so good to touch his soulmate#but also his soul mate has made it impossible to touch him#what an obi-wan thing to do#obi-wan probably considers (for a brief brief brief moment)#letting anakin die when he first finds out he's his soulmate#but then he could never#but it adds to his guilt about the whole thing#and his shame#and his feelings of unworthiness#etc etc etc#for this to make sense i guess the jedi are also pretty unimpressed with soulmates because of the attachment issues they cause#and that's one of the reasons theyre very no touch#so shame upon shame upon shame for obi-wan here#also imagining Kenobi show era obiwan using himself as a distraction so leia can get away#all he’ll see is me dialed to 300%#with an added all he’ll want to do is rub the remains of his face against my body and say awful mean things that cut me to the quick#but I can take it because k agree with all the mean things
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I desperately need someone to tell me that being queer & religious is definitely okay. I long for a sense of comfort and uncontrollable crying that it is deemed alright in God's eyes.
(Definitely not watching Castlevania Nocturne S2 haha...)
#tw religion#ive been watching castlevania nocturne#castlevania nocturne#season 2#mizrox#mizrak#castlevania olrox#i hate the hatred that conservatives have for lgbtq spaces#it makes me feel so angry and helpless#i just need to know its okay#that us queer ppl r worth living for#despite the hate#and despite the horrors#queer christian#i feel so strongly towards mizrak cause i feel the exact same with battling against my queerness#even him hating himself for it#pray the gay away#i just want to hold him and say its okay#can i have someone do the same to me?#diarydontspeak#silenciospeaking#venting#christian
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Almost 1AM and this exchange brought me to tears.
Hear here, we’ll never stop till the world listens. It’s not forever. It’s now.
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#free palestine#palestine#i feel so damn tired w the state of the world#watching people be dehumanized and murdered on a daily basis while smiling at some news about a fave artist/show/movies#i hate that i have to constantly compermantalize#i feel like im a fake bcoz i want to live but could only watch when others literally lose their lives#the helplessness and the grief kept at bay is maddening#but all i could do is continue to move forward#live and give voice to those who needs to be heard#give voice to those who are forced to silence#be heard be heard force the world to listen#fuck the exhaustion fuck the shitty coping just never stop giving voice to the voiceless#we’re a choir and while some voices fade off the others will sing until you pick up u turn and sing along again#never forget
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I can imagine an array of horribly tragic and dramatic scenarios happening to Johnny and V without feeling any remorse, I truly am above such pointless emotions update: thought of them happy and cried
#chatterbox#cyberpunk 2077#cp2077#silverv#I lied btw#cried while thinking about the bad things too#they're literally the giant rat quarantine post#“and to think I wanted to kill you 2 times in this quarantine you have become my friend I love you”#they just make me emotional in bizarre ways#I am you and you are me and together we became one and no matter what I do or how we end up if you're not there I'm never whole#like wow okay *cries so hard I throw up*#feeling each other's presence even when they know the other is gone...#SICK AND TWISTEDDDDDD#I was never huge on fix it fics but I get it with them cause oh my god please let them be happy#let them at least die together not feeling helpless and at their wits end
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I'll be honest I really hate height differences in vns... like I'm short so technically that writing should be geared towards me, but personally it just feels very infantilizing and it's so annoying. I know a lot of people are into it but it to me it's just kind of upsetting
#i really hate feeling weak#idc if it's a fantasy world where somebody else will protect me i really hate being forced into this position of helplessness#and extensive descriptions of height difference just contributes to this#like i love keir i do... but also i find some of the dialogue in his route annoying on a personal level#(hence why kari is a fucking titan lmao)#and let's not even mention touchstarved!#ik the full game is going to be painful for me bc these descriptions are most used with ais of all people so uh. yeah. not looking hot#(also why kaiho is big jaded and has some fighting prowess. the mc in the game is always so clueless and weak even with the hound bg)
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our cat broke his hip on christmas
hi, your local guy-with-a-blog is here to dox himself so his cat can walk again!
i made posts earlier as this was happening, but now that i've heard back from enough vets to get an idea of how steep this is going to be, i can't not ask for help.
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its cheesy to say, but my cats are my everything. mordred, especially, spends his days basically glued to my side. he's my little shadow, and i don't know where i'd be without him.
when he woke me up to feed him at 6am on christmas morning, he was completely fine. i went back to sleep after, and when i woke up for real at 8, he was limp on the ground. when we went to move him, he howled and thrashed like we were torturing him. he ran, and we saw he wasn't using his right back leg.
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many tears and an anxiety riddled 4 hour wait for our emergency vet appointment later, we were told he had a right capital physeal fracture, which basically means he snapped the ball bit of the ball joint in his hip. the vet said the best option for him is a femoral head and neck ostectomy (FHO), which'll take the broke bit of his bone out and the scar tissue will sort of just grow in the right way to replace his missing joint (cats are so weird)
its the cheapest option, and its the one with the best success rate, which is super lucky. unfortunately, its still expensive as fuck.
weve been quoted anywhere between 3.5k and 8k by vets i've contacted so far, and most need at least half as a downpayment before they'll operate. it'd take us years to cover the full cost by ourselves. so we've got to break out the big guns - a full gofundme, which will be shared with basically everyone we know, and hopefully far past that as well. carecredit can only cover so much for us, and our immediate family can't afford to lend us much. the internet is our only hope for meeting the full cost and getting mordred better
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mordred's the light of my life and i can't stand to see him in pain like this. anything helps. if youre not in a financial state where you can donate, spreading the word is just as important and just as deeply appreciated.
thank you so much for getting this far.
our gofundme is here
#ive never really been so desperate for an assistance post to take off before i dont know what to tag this as#but its breaking my heart to look at him and know im so far from being able to fix him#rbs appreciated#anything appreciated even just kind words to make me feel a little less helpless#i hate living in a HCOL area i keep seeing vets in the south wholl do it for under 2k and it makes me want to cry#if i didnt think the trip would be immensely painful for him id just do it like that
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"He is an evil creature... In the form of a man!"
#king ohger spoilers#king ohger#kingohger#super sentai#ohsama sentai king ohger#ohsama sentai kingohger#gira husty#kuwagata ohger#galactinsect king dagded dujardin#dagded dujardin#king dagded dujardin#tokuedit#please do not repost#umbrella.edits#umbrella.gifs#umbrella.posts#sakai was acting the hell out of this#this was intense like earthshaking#though it was foreshadowed and it was pretty obvious by this point the execution was something else#the devistation the feeling of helplessness as gira tries and fails to fight against being a puppet#the breakdown he has following this scene and the way his friends immediately go to his aid and the shugods follow him#it's so good and even when we learn the truth about racules there's more to it#had racules not viewed gira as his brother had he not loved him and known he was his own person#had he not been able to save gira he wouldn't have been able to break free#he refused to help make gira lose control or his humanity by feeding him the shugod souls knowing what it'd do#at this point racules is swearing to kill gira and calling him a tool but we know he doesn't believe those words#they still hurt though and i think there's a lot to discuss with gira and racules' relationship as brothers with the act racules puts on
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I think the best way I could describe this episode is 'fear'. The absolute fear that Thomas feels after Jane's death when reality begins to weigh on him. The complete devastation in his eyes when Mary told him that Stephen had returned, the way that his relationship around Henry is different. Henry isn't a friend to him, he's a dangerous person, but now he realizes he's stuck. The way he accidentally let it slip that he would retaliate against Henry, in front of Risley, and the cold fear that we see in his face.
Thomas is genuinely terrified. I don't think he believes death, is looming in the air, but he knows that something is going to happen. And i mean, the fear he is feeling was enough to get him sick, and nearly die. It brought back his Italian fever but this time, it was worse, much much worse.
He can't even talk straight, he can't walk straight, he can't think. Thomas, a man who has been nothing but brave and resilient his whole life is finally being broken down, and finally succumbing to fear. Which is something he truly, truly, never thought he'd be able to feel fully.
What did Anne say in the first season, "Fear can unmake a man" , and well...it's happening.
#wolf hall#thomas cromwell#mirror and the light#wolf hall spoilers#and the vast difference between s1 vs s2 stephen#oh he most CERTAINLY came as an enemy and a rival that is not backing down#it's not just that he dislikes thomas#he has already made it his personal goal to bring thomas down#it's not enough that thomas is sick because of him#its not enough that he is embarassing thomas ; he is going to make it his goal to kill him#he wants to make thomas afraid#he wants thomas to know that he has his position and his life in his hands - because that is how thomas made him feel in s1/the books#so he's giving it back#but worse#i know the huge focus is clearly between thomas and henry#but the main villain has entered the stage and he is psychologically torturing and breaking thomas down#and he absolutely loves how scared he makes thomas#which is absolutely gut wrenching#i have my personal thoughts about stephen's portrayal in wolf hall-he very much gets the anne boleyn treatment#buuuut im not gonna act like he isn't a compelling villain#and the ONLY one aside from Dorthea -who has been able to completely break and tear Thomas down#and render him completely helpless#he always knew how to break him and how to hit where it hurt#because they are so similiar and they don't even realize that#Do i like this stephen better than I do s1#NAUR#but i think he brings it
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