#its like everything in my life got fuked up all at once

[cantashi]

Im sad so I drew cute itafushi to cheer myself up ;)

[yandere-wishes]

💝My Obsession // Yandere! Leona Kingscholar x Reader// 💝

Someone, please explain to me how all my Leona fics end up being 2,500+ words?? Also props to whoever figures out which anime got inspired by to write the ending. Any way enjoy also thanks so much to @malleusthorns​ their game motivated me to write this.

Warning: Gore...I guess.

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There was a throbbing that wouldn't seem to go away, reverberating through the young girl's skull. Bouncing from wall to wall of her cranium just like a bouncy ball. The pain caused her to close her eyes tighter, trying to lull herself back into the numb comatose that had started to crack under the weight of alertness. Tiny fracture sprinkled around the darkness, noting to fully break her dormant mind. That was until something icy and wet splashed over her face, jolting her from her slumber.

(Y/n)'s eyes shot open, tears forming at the sides ready to slip out. She was becoming cognizant of the hammering in her head. A shiver ran up her spin before creeping over her skin, laying cutis anserina in its wake. As her sense began to awaken one by one, (y/n) started to feel a tug on her shoulder. The poor girl tried pulling her humerus forward, only for her skin to scrape against a smooth, freezing surface. Something was bounding her arms...and her legs she noted as she tried to kick her feet. 

Nervously her bloodshot eyes scanned the room, it was dark and chilly. Something was causing every hair on her body to stand up on high alert, her guts where entwining amongst themselves screaming that something just wasn't right. Endless minutes flew by before a rollicking noise jarred silent darkness. A tapping soon followed, pittering across the floor. One second she could practically feel their presence less than a millimeter away from her. The next all she had was their even,never-changing noise where, she could only assume, was in front of her.

'Please talk' a  timid voice croaked inside her head. 'Please say something' the nervous noise was poking at her tolerance. 'Just talk!' she couldn't tell if she'd actually screamed out the words or only hollered them inside her head. Either way, it did not matter, the footsteps only continued on their way, ignoring her presence altogether. The steps were getting further and further...the footfalls ceased and were instead replaced by a ripping noise that echoed through the emptiness.

In moments the obscurity was pierced by thin feeble rays of silver light. Despite the lights infirm nature it's brightness (y/n) still shut her eyes in an attempt to stop the stinging that had sparked from the back of her eyeballs. Endless minutes passed before a heavy sigh filled the air accompanied by the mirthless voice of the mysterious kidnapper. "Life's not fair is it?"

That question, that signature rhetorical question that had all but engraved its self in the depths of (y/n)'s memory. There was only one person, one person in the entirety of the world that could state such an overlooked fact as if it was the foundation that life was built on, one person...

"Leona..." Her whisper was as light as the air itself, the name of her beloved childhood friend mingled with the air before it was carried off into oblivion. Craning her head to the right, (Y/n)'s eyes caught the ever so familiar frame of the Savanclaw dorm leader. His green eyes glowed in the eerie rays. His posture wasn't as lax like it always was. There was an eagerness to him, an unsteadiness engulfing him. His spin was stark straight, his gloved fingers dug into his hips, scrunching the fabric of his shirt. "Surprised kitten?" his voice rumbled from his chest, echoing through the room. "You really shouldn't be, you've had this coming for some time."

(y/n)'s brows knitted together, whatever had been spilled on her earlier was starting to dry over her face. Sticking to her visage like a second skin. "L-Leona..." her voice was brittle, wither away like a dying rose. "W-what are...are you talking about?" dread was wrapping it's decaying thin arms around her, hover above the doomed darling watching the spectacle. "Wh..why am I here?" questions where bubbling inside the girl, floating out of her mouth and lingering in the stale air. It did little to phase Leona, he just kept starring and starring. Almost like a predator hunting its prey.

Slowly the lion boy stalked forward, his tail swished from side to side, almost like he was nervous about something...When he was close enough he leaned over. With one hand he tilted the metal chair backward. With the motion (y/n)'s head tipped backward. Their faces were close, far too close, (y/n) could feel every breath that Leona took. There was malice and sadness hidden behind his emerald orbs. His face was twisted into a snarl, sharp teeth on full display. "Why do you always have to be so dame clueless?"

(y/n)'s nerves were starting to snap. If this was a sick joke, then it had lost its humor the moment she woke up. "Stop it!" her voice creaked like old floorboards. Her vocal cords strained almost on the verge of bleeding as she tried to morphed her tone into an intimidating one. "This..this isn't funny Leona!!" The older boy rolled his eyes. He tipped the chain back to its initial position. Before waling behind her and undoing the restraints. Just as (y/n) came to move her arms, Leona forcefully pushed the chair into the ground. (Y/n)'s face slammed against the dirty floor, bouncing upwards from the sheer force before falling down numbly once more.

Leon watched as the young girl tried to get up, balancing herself on her hands and knees. as she stretched her neck to look up at him, he noted that blood was pooling under a few areas on her face and left eye. Creating supple red bruises. Though he would never say it out loud, she looked pretty like this, she had always looked her best when she was bleeding of hurt in some manner, it caused a sort of glow to orbit around her. But her beauty did little to make up for her insolence. There was a storm brewing inside him of him the anger, danger, and a newly awoken darkness where entwining birthing the personification of his obsession.

"By the king of beasts," he grumbled as his fingers shot up to his temple, as they always did when the iteration of the situation was planting another neuralgia in his head  "I want you...no, you are mine, you have always been mine! You're just so stupidly dense that you never once realized it!"

(Y/n)'s eyes widen in disbelief, her heart was pounding against her rib cage practically breaking her ribs with each beat. Nervously she brought the back of her hand to her face, trying to distract herself. As she went to wipe the substance off her face. The substance cracked and peeled off the second her hand rubbed against it. As it fell it revealed a sticky layer underneath. Retracting her arm quickly (y/n) tried to see what it was that she had just touched...Another wave of shock rolled over her...

"B-blood?" Frantically her eyes ran up to Leona's begging for answers. The dark-skinned boy shrugged. "I didn't like your history project partner". (y/n) gulped, "How long?" her question silently floated between them, acting as a shield brightened by the dimly light. Leona only raised an eyebrow, he opened his mouth an inch but closed it once he heard the choked sobs and enraged shouts coming from his "lover". "How long?"... there was no reply. "How long have you felt this way!" It was a stupid question. (y/n) knew, if anything she had known for far too long, but she had been so happy in her hubris. So content with playing "sibling" with her childhood friend, she knew how he had felt for far too long. But everything had been so sweet, so pleasant, almost like a fairy tale. It was easier to look for a prince charming in other men and expect her "big brother" to be there and catch her once that prince inevitably broke her heart. 

A sharp pain in her scalp caused the girl to look up. Leona was kneeling in front of her, pulling her hair up to look her directly in the eyes.

"Stop being so selfish and just fuking be mine already! it's not that fucking hard!" His yells held a desperate undertone, the big strong king of Savanclaw was reduced to this? A lovesick boy? Angrily (y/n) took in a deep unsteady breath before bellowing: "I'm the selfish one? You kidnapped me and tied me to a chair! You broke that beautiful illusion we had! To want to throw away our friendship for what? So we can break each other's hearts?!"

Leona remained dumbfound, his grip on her hair strengthened. "Actually I ordered Ruggie to kidnap you so that on him" he tried to keep a haughty prideful tone, but her words had left a growing bruise on his ego.

"Doesn't matter! if anything that just further proves my point! You are the selfish one! Just fess up, you're the one at fault here!"

Leona's body had begun vibrating with rage. Lifting his free hand he struck (y/n)! His claws snipped at her flesh,  tearing apart skin tissue by skin tissue as if it was nothing more then silk fabric. Slashing at the muscles until there was a large enough opening for the blood to flow past. Trickling down her cheek the mood pushed away the rotten plasma caking her face, splattering on her clothes, leaving large messy circular like stains.

"No no! This! This whole fucked up mess we're in is all your fault! It's always been your fault!" Leona roared. His pupils had started to dilate, tears were forming in his eyes. Swiftly the older boy lifted his fist only to smash it onto (y/n)'s, again and again, and again...

Laughter, a sicking, and high pitch bordering on maniacal. Leona stopped his assault, his brows shot upwards, as his mouth twisted in a snarl, creases started forming on the bridge of his nose. How dare she laugh at him! How dare she mock him!

(Y/n) opened her eyes, they were harboring similar insanity as her kidnapper. Her mouth opened permitting her to cough up some blood that had pooled inside. "Why can't you just accept responsibility? You were always like this! Even when we were kids! Nothing was ever your fault because you were such a tragic little prince weren't you! If you really love me then own it! Don't blame me for your obsession! It wasn't my fault! I thought you...I thought you were happy with what we had!" Leona slowly pulled away. His green gaze never once leaving (y/n)'s damaged face. His fingers unlocked from her hair, which causes the young girl to immediately start rubbing the top of her head.

"I don't really care how you see this situation. My fault -which it isn't- Your fault -which it is- the point is...you're mine now and that's how it's going to be..." Leona's hand slithered over to (y/n)'s wrist, gripping it and pulling her into his arms. (y/n) buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in his nostalgic scent, as he calmly petted her head as if she was a pet cat.

Time had frozen, granting the two so-called lovers a break of sorts. For the endless moment. It wasn't until Leona had gotten bored of their little hug, that the two moved. Leona's hands dug into her shoulder, he leaned his head down just as (y/n) tilted her head up. Lips brushing against each other prepping for a kiss.

The quietness was disrupted by a loud banging noise from behind them followed by an airy sound that got louder and louder. Until it struck right past Leona. Cutting the fabric of his jeans and slicing through his flesh. The lion let out a hiss, jumping to his feet and pulling (y/n) up with him. He pushed her to his chest as he maneuvered his body into an attacking pose.

"Let go of (y/n)! You horrible beast!" "Ecoute a lui, roi des lions" "Don't touch (y/n) Onee-chan!"

Those voices, (y/n)'s mind rushed back to the situation. She had seemingly forgotten just what Leona had done to her. The kidnapping, the humiliation, the beating...somehow it had all ran away from her memory the moment her beloved Leona had embraced her. 

Behind the "couple" Rook shot arrow after arrow, aiming for the lion's limbs. One lucky arrow managed to strike Leona's left bicep. The lion boy let out a pained roar, his arm falling limp to his side as blood gushed downwards. "Rook, Ortho now!" Vil's voice boomed through the chamber. Rook nodded as Ortho replied with a "sure thing". The two raced forward, Rook switching his bow for a pocket knife and Ortho punching Leona with his metal fist. Leona tried to fight back but with his wound and the gang up he mostly ended up getting punched.

Sometime before the attack had fully commenced, Leona had shoved (y/n) to the side. Vil ran up to (y/n) grabbing her arm and pulling her towards the exit. Right before he left the "king" of Pomefiore snapped his fingers, causing both Ortho and Rook to leave a bruised and broken Leona. "How did you find me?" (Y/n) asked as she was directed through the maze of hallways and staircases. Vil turned his head to stare at her for a split second before running forward. The hallways were just as dark as the room she had been kept in, the numerous windows were covered by thick black curtains preventing the moon from sharing its light. However, thanks to Ortho's built-in flashlights the gang had a clear, illuminated view of a few feet in front of them. "Idia saw Ruggie knock you out and drag you to the catacombs" Vil explained, his grip on her wrist tightened. As the group ran to the Ignhyde dorm, (y/n) couldn't stop herself from peering over her shoulder. Expecting..no, hoping that her childhood friend would pounce out of the darkness at any moment and chase after them. It was a longing to see the boy she had known her whole life chase after her, the only difference was that this time if he did catch her, she would not object to his advances. But Leona never came...

and she was beginning to think he never would.

Days have a tendency to blend when together there is nothing left to look forward to. (y/n) couldn't remember how long it had been since that night in the NRC catacombs, how long it had been since that "confession"? Time had turned into a paradox, having simultaneously stooped and sped up. Idia and Ortho had taken the role of her caretaker. Bringing her food and checking up on her from time to time. Idia had even broken his shut-in nature just for her, every once in awhile he'd bring over some games to play. Ortho would pop in every day, trying his hardest to entertain the stoic girl. But no matter how hard either Shroud twin tried (y/n) would never smile, her face would never forme any real expression. She only ever spoke when necessary, conversations with her mostly consisted of nobs and grunts. Some days after school Vil or Rook would stop by the Ignihyde dorm with treats. Hoping to return (y/n) to her old, innocent self.

Deep down (y/n) was grateful for the efforts the boys put in. But it felt so meaningless go hollow. What was the point of it all? (y/n) could feel the threads of her sanity slowly ripping. Her days and nights -granted she'd lost track of which was when- where filled with constant pondering over guilty thoughts. Every single one of her waking moments was dedicated to envisioning that damned day, dreaming of just how it could have turned out. Why didn't she just kiss him? Why didn't she jump into his arms and scream that she was his? That she would always be his? That it didn't matter how they loved each other so long as the love was there.

Earlier that morning Vil had stopped by to tell (y/n) that  Leona had come back from the semester break. It had seemed like a warning after all Vil was only trying to look out for her. The thought that Leona was back had sent her heart aflutter. She may have not shown it but her nerves where a wreck, she was both excited and nervous. A nagging voice in the back of her mind kept screaming that he wouldn't care about her that she had lost her chance the night she let herself be rescued by Vil, Rook, and Ortho. But a small piece of her still begged that Leona would come for her, that he still loved her.

Sleep was something that came in waves, sometimes she would sleep for days on end, and other times she would spend weeks in an insomniac daze. Tonight was one of the later nights. (y/n)'s eyes refused to close, her brain resisted the urge to think about anything other than Leona. She spent so many nights with his face in her head, mulling over every little detail. As the hours ticked by, (y/n)'s eyes started to grow heavier and heavier. The final scene the moment he said he loved her or at least tried to was still so vibrant in her semi asleep head. She could still hear his voice, his shouts and cries....his voice why was it so clear?--

"You know~ in another life, we could have gotten married, you could have been my queen and I, your king. We could have been happy like all those other happy idiots of the world." 

(Y/n) bolted upright, her hands suffocating her blanket. Her window had been reduced to dirt. Leaning against the frame of where the windowpane had been was no other than the man that had plunged her thought for far too long. Standing on her bed and walking over to him, (y/n) couldn't help the larger than life smile that spread over her face or the tears of joy that just wouldn't seem to stop.

She came to a stop in front of him. Just like that night, the moon's rays of silver light cast a surreal glow over Leona's frame. He looked almost like an angel sent to free her from her suffering. "What..what makes you think we...we could ever be normal?" A tiny laugh escaped her mouth as she wiped the tears from her face. All Leona did was smirk, he extended his arm, his open palm beckoning her to take it. Eagerly (y/n) grabbed a hold of his arm, her grip was tight, too scared to let go always this all be some illusion fabricated by her tortured mind.

"Oi shut up already idiot...just stay quiet" He pulled her up, back into his arms, right where she belonged. His embrace was nothing short of bone-crushing. But (y/n) didn't mind, the pain proved just how real how was. With a final tug, Leona pulled her out of the window. As they began to fall to the ground, Leona smiled, a genuine smile that for once harbored no ill intent nor ulterior motive and said:

"You will always be my obsession (y/n) just as I have become yours..."

[biorusted]

Nahri x Ali post EoG stuff

ok listen if my brain has to play these post Empire of Gold scenes in my head then yall gotta deal with them too (heavily Ali and Nahri centric) :

- EVERYONE knows that they are a thing. From the side glances to the Arabic conversations to the way they reach for each other’s hands at any given moment. like... they aint slick. Ali visits the hospital almost constantly and is one of the few people Nahri will listen to when it comes to taking breaks or days off. Nahri comes up to the palace for the sole reason to check if Ali was crushed by paperwork etc etc. They wont talk about it! but everyone knows!

- Nahri and Ali talk about getting married long before it actually happens (Ali is, what? 23 or 24 in EoG so he wouldnt get married right away). It’s actually Ali that brings it up first while they’re sitting next to each other in the hospital gardens. They argue about how they would plan the wedding; big celebration or small private occasion (Hatset and Zaynab would kill them if it was the latter). where it would happen, if there were and Daeva / Geziri or Ayaanle traditions they should abide by. its a whole thing. it becomes a regular conversation between them (even an arguing point; ‘See! if we got married this wouldnt be a problem!’ etc)

-Eventually Ali does go to Jamshid’s place to ask if there are any Daeva/ Nahid traditions hes gotta follow -> promptly dropping the ball that he’s gonna propose and given the company it would be a very big thing. He also asks for Jamshid’s and Nahri’s grandfather’s blessing. And, if possible, Nahri would ask Zaynab/ Muntadhir/ Hatset’s blessing too.

-Zaynab and Hatset would probably organize the wedding ceremonies n stuff, not that Ali or Nahri would have any say in it but it does come as a relief bc both of them are super busy! and wedding stuff would be so stressful! They also have a small and big ceremony (the small one like MONTHS before the big one) bc like... months is just so long to wait.

-Ali is the blushing virgin on their wedding night and that is just very very good.

-Anyway Time skip and Nahri gets pregers and tries to get Ali alone to tell him but hes just super busy and always around people so one day during a family meeting Ali’s off ranting n stuff and Nahri. bless her heart, Just fuking says it. “Ali, I’m pregnant” and the room STOPS. Cue Ali slow turning to face Nahri with a very Contained and Calm face and just whispers ‘Ok’ and Nahri’s like ‘Ok?’ and Ali- 5 seconds away from crying goes ‘Ok.’ and then rushes to hug her. Everyone is astonished.

-Ali gets so worried about being a good father he stresses himself OUT but like? literally everyone else sees how good he is with children? He sometimes looks after the children at the hospital when their parents are working/ getting healed and does everything from religious talks to teaching the alphabet of the different languages to leading a bunch of children around the hospital with little jodies or rhymes (have yall seen the goat video yet? the one where a lady in a niqab sings and the goats go ‘baa baa’ to the song? its that thing) Some children from Bir Nabat come and its the Best thing ever!! Ali is so good with children like why is he stressing himself out.

-Nahri of course works through her pregnancy. She snaps at Ali when he pushes her to take a break (’ Dont you EVER tell me to stay away from my hospital!!’ ‘My Love, you are NINE MONTHS PREGNATE!!) they end up compromising and a cot gets set up in her office.

-When the time comes Ali is a pacing wreck. He’s the first one to arrive at the hospital and everyone asks him why he’s dressed up so nicely to which is response is ‘first impressions matter.’ Ali also knocks on the door way to much - much to the annoyance of everyone. (Ali if you knock on the door one more time im going to gut you in your sleep!’ Ali: *turns back around* ‘I dont think they’re ready yet.’

-Ali hold’s his baby girl (whos got a full head of hair and just So Tiny) and is the quietest he’s ever been in his life. Utterly silent as he rocks her in his arms. He is entranced by this little baby and is once again one work away from crying. To convince Nahri to stay in bed for a little longer, cus shes physically fine just a bit exhausted, he slids in next to her and they hold their baby together.

- they name her Duriya yall cant convince me otherwise.

- the baby is in some way obviously part marid- whether it be the eyes or like little webbed feet and not for the first time they think about this childs whole identity. (’ Part Nahid, Daeva, Geziri, Ayaanle, Human and Marid.’ “This kids gonna have so many identity issues.’) but its all gonna be ok bc Duriya is gonna have the best upbringing that any child has ever had and its overall Great. Nahri is an amazing mom that doesnt have to chose between the things she loves and Ali takes everything he’s learned and is the best father that he never got to have.(ultimately tho Duriya does get spoiled a bit bc of the family but thats ok Ali is very good with humility lessons n such)

its just an all around great time.

and, just as a bonus if yall like Dara; cameras were invented in 1816 (the first book takes place is like 1801 or around that time) so Postcards are being sent and its sad and good at the same time.

[mha-fanfic-writer]

Apology that changed the world

L.O.V & bakugou,todoroki, and midoriya x reader

Here you were, surrounded by the League, You were all mights niece so it was pretty obvious why you were in this situation. Class 3-A and the pros were surrounding everywhere. They had to help you but the league got to you first. Being in your 3rd year and dealing with them since the first year was painful, not because of the fights but because every time you made eye contact with any of them you felt your heart break. They had been through so much and nobody bothered to listen. “Give it up, you're not getting out of here alive” dabi spoke up. “This is getting boring, why do we need to kill them” toga wined. “Shut up you brat” shigaraki spoke. He was standing in front of you with the others circling you. You didn't say anything. “Kid, don't worry we're going to get you out” you heard hawks from above. They could kill you an instant so the heroes could move in right now. “Tenko” your voice was quiet and shaky. He didn't respond.  “What brat” he  finally said. “Im sorry” you said looking down and clinching your fists. You were shaking but not because you were sacred. “Huh” you heard. “What are you doing” bakugou spoke up thorough the ear piece. Everybody who was sent here had one. The to 10 could here you, class 3-A could hear you, Some other heroes could hear you. But you only cared that the league heard you. You took a step forward earring your class to tell you to stop. “I understand, you’ve suffered great injustice so have thousands before you.” you looked up with tears in your eyes. Dabi and toga stood beside him now both ready to attack if needed. You fell to your knees with your head down. “I offer and apology, and one long over due” you felt a tear roll down your cheek. This was being broadcasted live on TV and you were pretty sure they could hear you too. “I am sorry” you looked up with pure guilt in your eyes. Another tear fell. You but your hand over your shoulder. You had had a deep wound that you were for sure going to die from but that was the least of your worries at the moment. Shigaraki reached out to kill you and you seemed so accepting to it. You moved your head up further to where his hand was. “I know were supposed to fight, I reach for kindness in your heart” you were trying ot hold your tears in as you spoke but they kept falling. He moved his hand away and took of the one from his face and looked at you intently. “If you can forgive” as you were saying those words he reached out to your neck. The pros were going to move in but you told them to stop. “Peace can truly live” by now he had four fingers around your neck griping it tightly. He was shaking that much you could tell. He gritted his teeth before removing his hand and putting it to his side. You put your hand on your neck from how the pressure he put on it at the last moment. “I am scared, but ill use my final breath, to tell you that im sorry” you got back up and extended your hand. He looked at it then at you. “Can we end this dance of death” you asked. He could see the sincerity in your eyes when you spoke and so could the others wich is why they didn't move from there spot. “For the centuries of aggany, I offer you my amended this senseless killing ends” you stepped closer and griped his shirt. He didn't move but just looked forward. He flt something, was he felling sad? He looked down at you and you griped his shirt tighter. You moved closer to the point were it was a hug. “Im telling the truth, I know were supposed to giht I know you have kindness in your heart.” you felt his slowly move his arms up and wrap the around you. Tears fell down his face but he didn't look aways from the top of your head. You both fell to the ground, your small form sitting in between his legs as you embraced each other. Nobody was talking, Not the heroes nor your class. “Please forgive me” you muttered. He closed his eyes and in that moment you both felt at a peace. You were still crying but you could see the other members felt something to. You pulled away from him and looked around you at dabi, toga, kurogiri, spinner, everybody around you felt something. They all slowly made there way towards you and they got on there knees. Toga hugged you not even knowing why she did. Dabi put a hand on your head and felt blood on his face. He was crying and didn't even care. Spinner put a hand on your shoulder and the others just closed there eyes. Little by little they ll moved in and the next thing you know, you were boing cradled by people who were trying to kill you 10 minutes ago. You smiled at all of them. “ if i'm going to die, its gonna be with PEOPLE, who actually give a shit” you said earring a small laughed here and there. You could hear some of your class crying. “Please, anybody who can hear me. Stop all of this, we don't need this. This wasn't supposed to happen, not to them. They’ve been through so much and we never bothered to listen or care. Im begging you, all of you, forgive one another. Make a mens and give them a second chance. They didn't deserve this, none of them. Please, let them be human, we never once thought of them like that so im asking you now please do. Let them live there lives noramly, or as normal as it can be.” you were taking breaks between sentences. You were definitely going to die right now. You only had a few for minutes and you know it. “Please, can everybody come here” you asked. You heard people gather behind the league. “Dabi,” you spoke. He looked at you. Go to hawks” you said and gave him a small smile. He got up and walked towards the winged hero. They looked at each other for a bit both with smiles on there faces. They shook hands and pulled each other into a hug. You know these two had a relationship, you were nt sure what kind but you know there pasts. “Tenko” you said. “Go to midoriya” you asked. It took a while but he did. Midoriya extended his hand with rears in his eye. They shook hands and stood by each other. After sending the others off you called bakugou, midoriya and todoroki to you. The three stood in front of you. Bakugou desperately trying to hide his tears but miserably failing. Todorki was trying to do the same and midoriya just let his emotion through. “Bakugou, your going to be a gray hero, I know you don't need to hear it but I know you just are.” you gave him a small smiled. He got on his knees. “I doo need it” he admitted as tears fell down his face. He took off his goblets and wrapped his arms around you. “Todoroki, Be who you want to be, don't let anybody control you.” you said with the small determination left in you. He got down on his knees nest to you. You grazed your thumb over his scar and smiled before looking at midroya. “Midoriya, dint you ever give up. When I see you from wherever I go, I don't want to see you fall ans say there, I want ot see you fall and get right back up. Put that fuking quirk to use” you smiled. He keeled down and nodded. Your relationship with them was strong. You got to know each one, and became extremely close to them. You liked each of them more than a friend, sucks you would never get to tell them. The boys held you in there arms all of them crying. “Bakugou being who he was decided it was now or never. He leaned in and kissed your lips gently. You gave in before you felt a gentle pull to one side. Todorki did the same fallowed by midoriya. “We were planning on tell you later but we think know a good time” todoroki spoke. You smiled at them. “I love you guys” you smiled one last time before everything went dark. At least everything was ok now.

The boys yelled at the top of there lung when they knew you were gone. They didn't want you to br but you were. Pros who barley knew you were crying, your class was too. The league, everybody. You were right, the whole thing had been live on TV for the world to hear. They all saw and heard what one apology could do to the world. How one 18 year old could do so much in so little time. 

The aftermath was just what you wanted. The ‘villains’ were no longer considered villains, they were regular civilians know, and everybody was so expecting to them. Dabi lived with his family again but was usually with hawks. As you figured the two had something going on.  There were less villain attacks and more of them turning themselves in some getting off with a year or two in prisons and then released and other a little more but in the end they all got to live a normal life. Years later the three were all in the top 10, hawks took number 1 after endeavor had to retire due to him breaking ihs back and as it turns out he also had lung cancer. Wonder why. As of right now kirishima and bakugou are officially engaged. And todoroki and midoriya married. It had taken the ma while to move on but after you visited them in there dreams you told them to find someone, that they weren't allowed to die until they found someone and sure enough they did. You watched from the clouds as they all lived on happily. You had ended up being a fricken legend to the kids. Eri and kota were both 10 and 11 and they seemed to have a thing for each other, so that was a possibility when they got older.  All for one passed shortly after the whole thing and shigaraki was living pretty good down there. Toga was happy, she didn't really see her family alot but she was good friends with uraraka and tsu now. “What do you think” toshinori asked as you both looked down at everybody. “Its what i’ve always wanted” you smiled softly.

[your-localghost]

so um who wants to read a 50 page essay of me and my mom's journey through the IT movies?

too bad you're reading it

so like i saw this goddamm clown, and i, also being a clown, said to my mom, also a clown, "lets watch this clown movie lol" and she said yes. and in the like first five minutes we are already awwing and stuff because??? omg georgie and bill are so cu- oh. oh my god. oh this us not what we thought at all-

so enter Losers. instant RELATE i am also a LOSER hellO?? hAh look at these 2 idiots theyre bickering like an old couple an- oh my fucking GOD of course there are bullies. one of them looks like draco malfoy??? guYs did draco malfoy play in this movie we see him like 2 times-

oh my god oh no poor bill he is trying to find his brother :( but alsO BEV IS SO PRETTY??? IM SO GAY???? and yeah i really feel the New Kid On The Block like same man i didnt even get to meet a pretty girl and a buncho losers who will go jump into lakes with me

OH and the lake scene? it bites me in the ass later. i fucking passed it off as a "theyre bonding" moment and then it transforms into a feelings plane and crashes into my house

--

me: they just keep leaving their bikes

mom: well It takes kids, not bikes

--

fastforward and??? the fight secene?? the fuckijgn fi Ght SCE ne??? o H M Y GO D

bill was so desperate to find georgie?? richie was so scared he would die??? beN BEING SCARED HIS FRIENDS ARE GONE?

i AM ALL OF THESE FUCKERS

and oh?? bev's dad??? hate the vibe this dude gives to me. like this dude def did more than mentally abuse her and im so glad she beat him up

uhHHH??? WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT EDDIE STANDING UP TO HIS FREAKSHOW OF A MOM??? HOW HE WAS SO MAD????? HE THREW HIS PILLS ON THE GROUND HELLO, HE STRAIGHT UP YEETED HIS FANNY PACK??? MAN the things a gay goes through for his friends

bill's speech on georgie, like, dude just fucking stab me it will hurt way less

fastforward more, the oath??? how scared stan was??? like i ddint really feel any connection with stan other than his actor played my fav character, stan, in ianowt, but uHm? i still love him??? so mUCH???

oOOOH i just realied i didnt talk about mikey

ahem

THE ROCK FIGHT THE FUKING ROCK FIGHT THE ROCK FIGHT OH MY GOD

THESE LOSERS ARE SCARED SHITLESS OF THOSE SHITBAGS BUT THEY SEE ANOTHER LOSER AND THE FIRST THING THEY DO IS THROW R O C K LIKE FUCK YEAH YOU FUCNKY LITTLE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS STAND UP FOR YOUR FELLOW BULLIED I LOVE MIKEY SO M7CH OH MY GOD

__

so between the 2 movies we realized it wasnt on netflix and went on various websites to watch the 2nd movie, got progressively angrier until i got my laptop and just watched it blindly because we are both blind

--

okay heres the tea yall

they completely erased bev's character in the 2nd movie. in the first it was emphesized SO MUCH just how brave she was compared to the others. she took the first step, she wasnt afraid to go into the house she fought her abusive dad and in the 2nd movie it was all gone. i really liked the fact that bev wqsnt a damsel in distress until in the 2nd movie she was. while in the 1st movue you forgot that gender roles existed in the 2nd it really seemed like they wrote bev as a "woman" rather than "bev" you dig me??? okay rant over. basically fuck the 2nd movie bev and im not just saying this because her 1st movie actor made me realize i was a lesbian. on to the movie

oh mY GOD HOMOSEXUALS??? WILL THEY HAVE A PART IN THIS STORY OH MY IM SO EX- oh. right. oh hey theres mikey :D

___

me: who's this??

mom: its bill look, its his surname

me:

me: you remember bill's surname but not richie or ben's names?

---

oh theyre all grown up!! oh bevs fighting an abusive man again and uh

___

mom: i have a feeling stans gonna kill himself

me: hah can you imagi

---

STANLEY??? BABEY BOY OH NO???? and also are we gonna let the spider with the baby head thing pass?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DONT REMEMBER ANYTHI-

"this is like a virus its been eating us for 27 years!" YEA MIKEY ITS CALLED PTSD YOU FOUGHT A FUCKING DEMON AND DIDNT SEE A THERAPIST????

also the whole tribe thing seemed really out of story and like it didnt belong there at all? idk maybe its just me but i dont wanna believe that bill's 3rd eye opened after he got drugged by his friend idk

so like hightlights because ive got many rants about the 2nd movie

what the fuck do you mean bev got out of jer specilized hell after ben recited 1 fucking poem are you kidding me are yOU FUCKING KIDDING ARE WE REALLY DOING THE SAVED BY LOVE BULLSHIT AGAIN OH OKAY

OH OKAY FUCK YOU

SO BEV GETS SAVED IN THE FIRST MOVIE AFTER BEN KISSES HER WHEN AT THE TIME HE PRIBABLY THOUGHT LOVE WAS AT ITS PEAK WHEN YOU GAVE YOUR 2ND GRADE CRUSH A BADLY WRITTEN POEM

AND UFKCING HELL IT HAPPENS IN THE 2ND MOVIE TOO??? DOES PENNYWISE JUST THINK "oh these bitches hetero bettet keep them alive" BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS WOULD ALL BE OKAY IF

IF

IF EDDIE LIVED TOO

FUCK I RELATE TO RICHIE SO MUCH??? HIS FIGHT WITH HIS PEERS AND HIS FIGHT WITH HIMSELF OVER HIS YEARS LASTING CRUSH ON EDDIE?? OH MY GOD IT WAS SO OBVIOUS THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS GAY AND I DIDNT REALIZE UNTIL THE 2ND MOVIE WHEN HE HAS A BREAKDOWN BECAHSE HIS SOULMATE GETS STABBED BY HOMOPHOBIC FORTNITE DANCING CLOWN WHILR HE TRIES TO SAVE HIMA DN THEN FUCKIN G DIES EVEN THOUGHT THESE 2 IDIOTS HAD MORE CHEMISTRY THAN BILL+BEV AND BEN+BEV COMBINED OH MY GOD IM SO MAD THE HETEROS GET TO LIVE BY TRUE LOVE BUT THE GAYS DONT AND UG G H H G G HH "hes dead" NO HE FUCKING IS NOT THIS ISNT FAIR I LOVED EDDIE SO MUCH

well uh now that we got my love for richie on papet um

the lake scene

i cried and i had to watch heteros kiss underwater while wiping my tears. its only cool when percabeth does it guys

the lake scene aside i full on BAWLED LIKE A BABY at the ending because i felt so bad that stan died already and i felt bad that not only was richie facing years if bullying and homophobia anf the loss of his friends it finally is confirmed that richie had a crush on eddie and i

i just cried man? it hurt me so much as it weighed on me how many jokes richie made, how scared he was when he saw the missing paper of himself, his flashbacks to people calling him names, his speech to eddie and that he had to get dragged out because this fucker obviously couldnt let go of his feelings. and between all of that and stan's letter my brain blocks out everything and focuses on one

R + E

oh my god

OH MY GOD NO

NOW i dont really like watching movies. as a writer myself im really critical of everything involving the world building, the characters, the plot and all that jazz and usually the acting is so bad that i dont feel for the characters but THIS ONE. T H I S O N E

my mom turned to me and was SO SHOCKED to see my flat out CRYING because i just dont do that man, and she just asked my what made me cry and i just made a noise like "hhhnnnn" and she nodded and went "richie's love story" and i, still crying, went "hhhnnnn" but in a higher pitch

and im just so mad? that eddie didnt get to live?? we didnt get an "i love you" or even a "im gay" from richie??? we didnt get to see them holding hands and letting go of their trauma together and being gay and happy yet

yet the fucking bad-writer-white-boy and boo-hoo-i-had-no-friends and not-bev get happy endings??? mike can get a happy ending because he is a well thought out character

thESE 3 ON THE OTHER HAND OH MY GOD

bill had to change his endings which really makes me angry because ima writer yada yada

bill has been bullied his uh what whole life? he got told his opinion didnt matter and from what i remember even his parents shut down his ideas and i feel like he should have made the endings how he wanted instead of changing to what the public wanted. thats what he defended as a kid, thats why he was in the losers club unwilling to change, because they were losers. yet he changed.

ben should have stayed fat or at least have abnornal weight because that also defeats his story with bev. it makes it seem that suddenly and magically when ben is hot bev can BEGIN to consider that she loves him.

i already ranted about bev.

mike is decent i guess? i like that he didnt stay with whoever the fuck that was in the first movie because he seemed very aggreasive to me. im glad the chose to research into pennywise because others were too stupid not to (RICH AND EDDIE GET A PASS AGAIN BECAUSE THEY SHARE HALF A BRAINCELL AND I LOVE THEM)

well stan is just tragic

___

me: who the fuck is afraid of spiders why do they keep showing up

mom: its stan?

mom: he brought the hair things and all

me, about to cry: oh m y god

---

so TL;DR: we really liked the first film! the acting, the plot, the creepiness is overall better and you get to relate to a bunch of Losers who get abused by their parents

the 2nd film doesnt exist. i refuse to acknowledge it exist EXCEPT for the ending where stan writes a letter about how he would like to meet hks friends again while BREATHING and richie and eddie carve their initials on a piece of wood and get to be gay.

if your name starts with B your opinion is invalid in the 2nd movie

also can anybody give me fanfics where the fortnite dancing clown doesnt exist and richie goes to therapy to heal from the bullying and once he gets over his homophobia he gays with eddie??? specific i know but im willing to write it if it doesnt exist

[0214mile]

✎ svt as hogwarts students! AU

this is basically a ctrl+c and ctrl+v from my twitter account bcs i wanted a different platform to save my “au’s” on! this is NOT stolen! i am @.serencty [previously @.smolteeen] on twitter 

[authors note]

this au is v much based on 21st century wizarding world 

lots of hp reference so if u dont get them sorry! 

they're my thoughts so please dont criticize 

☾ if u have any comment to say anything/to add on/questions abt hp, please reply in 'comments?' (end of thread)

⇾ seungcheol

house: gryffindor

blood status: half-blood

patronus: mongrel dog

position 01: gryffindor quidditch captain

↳ keeper

position 2: headboy

a giant dork & liked by everyone

all girls love him&boys want to be him (or vice versa works too)

knows everything abt quidditch. and i mean EVERYTHING (basically oliver wood)

sucks @ potions 

has a personal bed in the infirmary (thanks 2 quidditch + potions accidents)

teaches first years flying

has friends in first year & sits and talks w/ them —the go-to person for every first years

attends quidditch matches even after graduating 

⇾ jeonghan

house: slytherin

blood status: pureblood

patronus: black swan

position: prefect

boys & girls have a crush on him (a wholesome BI king)

somehow gets E (Exceeds Expectations; 2nd best) in tests without studying

hosts interhouse parties in the room of requirements called '1004'

gets away with every prank (weasley twins wHo)

loves chan; like u hurt him and u will regret that FOR LIFE

never denies dating rumours of him & cheol (a wholesome BI king pt.2)

knows all your secrets 

with jisoo all the DAMN time

⇾ joshua

house: hufflepuff

blood status: muggleborn

patronus: mountain hare

position: prefect

the most popular dude in hogwarts; like even peeves likes him —he's just SO NICe ufeel

hosts guitar lessons in gardens (sings sunday morning every single lesson)

ace student in charms

bffs with jeonghan

no one expects it but he's one of the biggest prakster in hogwarts (he’s the black horse okay)

uploads 'calming guitar acoustic for studying' on jihoon's music app (check jihoon)

WILD during 1004

⇾ junhui

house: hufflepuff

blood status: pureblood

patronus: tonkinese cat

position: hufflepuff seeker

(v much like cedric)

looks like a slytherin but yeEt he’s the epitome of UWU

the 'popular guy'

a complete charmer; even portraits like him

flirts a lot but has never been to base 2 in any relationship lol

good at alchemy and DADA

in the theatre club + hoshi's dance club

no one EVER sees him study but he still gets A (Acceptable; 3rd best)

⇾ soonyoung

house: gryffindor

blood status: muggleborn

patronus: eagle

position: prefect

one of the most liked + hated person in the school

cannot and will not shut up

detention is already part of his schedule beforehand

amazing @ transfiguration so mcgonagall loves him

hosts HOSHI's DANCE club

his wand has been broken +5 times so its taped together (somehow still usable)

constantly changes hair colour to be 2cool4skool

provoked the giant squid & was unconscious for 4 weeks

obvious prankster &gets caught all the time

⇾ wonwoo

house: ravenclaw

blood status: pureblood

patronus: nebelung cat

position: ravenclaw seeker

perfect mix of slytherin&ravenclaw

super intimidating & will judge u even if ur friends

somehow bffs w/ soonyoung

↳ only one who can control him

↳ always bickering

will fuking fight u if u call anyone mudblood

in the library 24/7

↳ reading everywhere & anytime

↳ loved by madam pince

↳ helps out in the library; recommends books, shows students where they can find books,etc 

good @ all subjects except care of magical creatures hes rubbish

apparates everywhere & scares the shit out of everyone

admired by lots but doesnt realise it

⇾ jihoon

house: ravenclaw

blood status: half-blood

patronus: lynx

position 01: prefect

position 02: ravenclaw chaser

literally the coolest person in hogwarts

ace student in all subjects

always writing lyrics and making beats; if u sit next to him in class, u will not get ANY work done bcs of his tapping

created soundcloud equivalent app in the wizarding world

installed wifi & made muggle technology work @ hogwarts

responsible for the booze @ 1004

↳ releases songs under the name W00ZI

⇾ minghao

house: gryffindor

blood status: half-blood

patronus: salamander

position: gryffindor chaser

the8-ifies his uniform to be "edgy"

↳ wears GUCCI with his robes

↳ cuts up his uniform& adds chains

↳ basically revolutionized diy uniforms @ hogwarts

↳ responsible for fashion trends @ hogwarts

judges u & roasts u all the time

sleeps with a kermit doll uwu

taught portraits how to dab

knows all the secret passages

best @ DADA

best dancer in HOSHI's club

⇾ mingyu

house: hufflepuff

blood status: muggleborn

patronus: mastiff

position: hufflepuff beater

the 'popular guy' w/ jun

surrounded by girls & hates it but is too nice to say NO so wonu helps out by glaringlol

not particularly good @ any subject except care of magical creatures (wonu&him help each other out)

loved by kitchen elves

↳ in the kitchens 24/7

has been locked out of the common room several times

always dirty?; dust on face, mud on shoes, etc.

has a business @ hogwarts selling muggle technology

⇾ seokmin

house: hufflepuff

blood status: muggleborn

patronus: salmon

position: hufflepuff beater

one of the most liked & hated ppl in the school pt.2

louder than soonyoung

sings 24/7 u ALWAYS know when hes comig ur way bcs his voice echoes thru the hallways

works @ honeydukes for free sweets

only good @ charms

banned from potions

uploads on jihoon's music app under DK

reason why hufflepuff never wins the house cup

kicked out of the common room for being loud

once turned himself into a salmon during transfiguration for 5hrs fb status: flapping

super COOL when playing quidditch

⇾ seungkwan

house: hufflepuff

blood status: halfblood

patronus: basset hound

position: quidditch commentator

funniest & nicest person in hogwarts

liked by everyone; ghosts? portraits? teachers? students? u name it and they only have good things to say abt boo :)

loves all his friends (esp. hansol) & will FITE U if u hurt anyone

cheers the loudest in quidditch matches (never biased though)

uploads on jihoon's music app under BOOISHERE

booseoksoon combo is everyones nightmare

good @ all subjects except flying broke his wrist like neville poor boo :,(

wins most of the points for hufflepuff

mcgonagall & hagrid's favourite student ever

killed his plant in herbology & cried

welcomed in the kitchen 24/7

⇾ hansol

house: ravenclaw

blood status: muggleborn

patronus: orangutan

uniform has holes everywhere

↳ wears SUPREME and THRASHERS under the robe 

skates to class

has a cassette player 24/7 hes just that wannabe cool 90′s kid okey

never listens in class but does well in tests so the teachers let him be

↳ daydreams alot but his daydreams are with meaning??/?

friends w/ the giant squid

no.1 listened rapper on jihoon's music app (under VERNON)

writes lyrics all the time

girls ♡ him but he ?

rapped for dumbledore's bday & got 250 points

bffs w/ seungkwan

↳ does covers w/ him

↳ w/ him all the time despite not being in the same house

good @ astronomy

⇾ chan

house: gryffindor

blood status: pureblood

patronus: marsh harrier

position: quidditch commentator bangchan is HERE

hangs out w/ older kids (esp. jeonghan)

good @ all subjects; a child prodigy we stAn

“DANCING IS MY PASSION”

↳ part of HOSHI's dance club

↳ watched+ listened to MJ and fell in LOVE ; loved dancing ever since

makes potions that makes u a little loopy/high for 1004

savage af

cried when jisoo got him MJ bed sheets & pjs for his bday

knows everyone's secrets (blame jeonghan)

surprisingly doesnt have that many friends

interested in muggle stuff

[laptrance]

July 28, 2020

it’s been over two years since my last entry. so much has changed. to update March 8 2018 me:

you give up on job searching atm until 4/24/18. that’s when you start reaching out to all the promotion companies from kucr. planetary was the other promotion company you remembered besides terrorbird. cirstina was super nice and chill and said they just wrapped internships for the summer but to inquire again for the fall. 

you wait those months while still working at mcdonalds. you get good at it and things are second nature to you. you still have moments where you storm out, but you get better at controlling your temper. 

you check back in august and cristina says there are positions open in the fall. it was pretty easy as they accepted you right away. you do this bat shit crazy thing where you try to balance the two. planetary internship Tuesday Thursday Friday and McDonald’s the rest of the days. you even do opening shift during the weekends (4am-12pm).

you’re mostly quiet during your internship. you participate in riyl’s. you mainly talk to cristina while mailing. you don’t open up much until hayoung joins in november i think. mcdonalds is the same as usual, but your sleep schedule’s FUKED UP.

you hear in december that maria (who worked in publicity) is quitting. cristina encourages you to apply. you talk with adam and the interview tbh goes horribly. not like you didn’t have anything to say, but everything you said was wrong LOL. you also talk to george and ben and they lay out what press does but you dont catch any of that.

christmas office party happens and you drink a lot. you open up a lot to EVERYONE, iNCLUDING BEN about your love life (embarrassing) you’re obviously too drunk to drive home, but you stay over the night with nik and alison (goth bless their souls)

you check in with adam on the position occasionally until feb. 2019 when he breaks the bad news. the position’s filled. like how can you be surprised? but you’re still upset. you’re able to turn this as a positive to use your experiences to boost your resume.

you continue to work at mcdonalds and interview at places until you get a random email from adam exactly one year after you first emailed cristina about the internship. adam offers you the job. ofc you accept. you quit mcdonalds and start with planetary on may 1.

learning publicity is one hell of a learning curve. heck, you’re still learning how to do shit even now. but you’re thrown on the deep end with Luna. not your fault. not totally kristen’s fault. but that was a crazy client. 

anyways, your sleep schedule’s still fucked up because of your commute. but at least you have free weekends now! 

some highlights of 2019: you finally get a macbook! but you have a galaxy s9 as a phone lmfao. placements in The Line of Best Fit and Paste! you get absolutely entranced with warehouse raves. you literally go to at least once a month. falling in love with queen of jeans and linking up with their publicist Jamie Coletta (she’s super cool and the best at the game), going on two (2) dates with a really nice girl named sara. you got in your head and probably fucked that up. but it really wasn’t the time. christmas party 2019. same shenanigans but this time you don’t drink as much. you really look for places to move out to with ryan and he finds a house that angeli and linda live. two people are moving out and the rooms go for $500 and $600. you get the $500 room and are set to move in on Feb 16 2020. news of a disease called coronavirus is first detected in china. this will be important later.

oh 2020. what a shite year. if i told myself the things i’ll write down below i would not believe it. but here it is. everything that has happened so far in 2020:

first cases of coronavirus appear in washington on january. you’re not too concerned about it. 

you’re working this country artist aminah hughes and land a placement in american songwriter for January 31 (1st time!). there are some issues and they post it one day later, but you weren’t as attentive as you should’ve been over the weekend.

adam talks to you about it the following monday (2/3) in a really calm matter but you beat yourself up over it. so much so that on your way home, you totally don’t notice a pedestrian crossing galloping hills and eucalyptus and run them over. everything feels like a blur, but you’re able to talk to the police, karen, and kimberly (state farm) about it. you take tuesday-thursday off.

you move in (night before you saw bored lord and octo octa until 3am wtf). you don’t have a car (for obvious reasons), but you’re able to commute to work via bus/subway (which you would’ve done anyway cause you love public transportation lol)

you’re able to return to normal life mostly until middle march. cases of the newly named COVID-19 have spread throughout the united states and you hear of workspaces transitioning over to work from home operations. planetary soon follows suit. our last day in the office is march 13.

literally the week after you start wfh animal crossing new horizons comes out. that keeps you busy for like two, three months tops. it’s also a nice way to keep in touch with friends. 

your first therapy session happens on march 31. you’re able to talk about the accident, but it’s quickly directed to self-esteem. it’s an ongoing process, but you’re slowly advancing. it’s not linear, but it’s better than doing nothing.

Bandcamp establishes “Bandcamp Day”, 24 hour periods in which the site’s share of profits go directly to artists/labels. Started in April, will continue through the end of 2020. All the money I would normally spend on concerts goes here now. That and I fall to the hands of food delivery apps (door dash wins)

your campaign with Atta Boy gets going. first track premieres at Atwood Magazine (2nd time! [1st time was with sophia st. helen, another awesome client]). band’s super happy about it (even mr. josh brolin himself gave a shout out [bias ofc]). by the end of may you land their second single on THE MOTHERFUCKING FADER (1ST TIME OBVIOUSLY). 

everything else is going surprisingly well for the most part (except for elp, but i don’t wanna talk about those fucking idiots) despite the ever-changing landscape of music journalism. huge blogs are letting people go while smaller sites are remaining mostly the same. 

On May 25, George Floyd is murdered by Minneapolis police which sparks the biggest wave of activity in the Black Lives Matter movement since Michael Brown’s death in 2014. organizing/activism is still going on to this day (7/28). 

For me personally, I’m making a conscious effort to highlight Black artists on my Bandcamp days and general sharing of music. I also joined a book club (6/18) and read “Are Prisons Obsolete” in its entirety. We’re currently reading a comic series called Bitch Planet. Deep and meaningful conversations.

the family hears news of Lola’s declining health. June 23rd (Manila time) is the day she passes away. We’re all able to say our last goodbyes via facebook video call. this is the first time i see my dad cry.

funeral takes place on june 27th. we’re able to partake in the ceremony via zoom. the first and only funeral i “attended” online (so far).

I start “fixing” myself physically. I went to physical therapy from 6/8-7/7. the exercises do wonders to my knees (ty dr. bailey!). also saw a dermatologist on 7/10. really quick appt. kinda felt rushed imo, but i was given a special sunscreen that works so far? also recommended otc meds like claritin.

ended campaign with atta boy. really sad to see them go. currently coordinating with their new managers on a possible podcast and press setup. 

and that’s pretty much it! it’s a lot of shit, i know, but it happened all within 2 years. overall i’d say we were pretty successful in finding a big-girl job and MOVING OUT, WHICH I THOUGHT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN LMFAO. as for the shit you were hung up on with angelica, you’re so much better now, but you think about the good memories from time to time. sometimes it gets you down, but you’re thankful for the memories (come through fallout boy LMFAO AHAHA FALLOUT AMIRIGHT) and you learned from your mistakes. maybe it will be another two years before i leave another update, might be less, might be more. 

but i’m extremely proud at how far i’ve come.

im proud of you, me.

[turtles-are-queer]

Okay so like pattons a human right

And he moves into this old GGGGIIIAAANANTTTT house

That has demons ghosts and vampires in it

Right

And logans a fucking demon

But patton doesnt take his shit and just becomes a weird roomate

And virgils this ghost boi and hes just kinda there

Like "sup how are ya"

"AAAAAHHH virgil please stop just apearing its spooky"

One day pattons trying to catch this bat in his attic and remys just like "uckin hands off me gremlin" and pattons just "oh! Sorry i didnt realize!" And remys just *"human form" but like a vampire* "ya bitch, lets get some damn starbucks"

Romans his friend

But hes like a witch

But not like the real witches yknow, hes like harry potter wand steryotyp, definetly rides a broom just to be an extra fuck

So like this house is fuckin huge too okay. It was super cheap because ghost vamp and 2 demons. Its supperrr old and like a mansion but its spooky

Patton doesnt know its spooky when he buys it

But the moment he enters the house all 4 of them are just "kay we cant kick this one out look, no ones swept the floor in 5 years, he cleaned the damn window"

Oh yeah okay deceits a demon

But also like hes one trying to be a normal demon but it doesnt fuking work

Like *standing ominously in a hallway with glowing eyes*

Patton: "logannnnn hes doing it again!"

Logan: go to bed deceit, we cant keep doing this

So roman is liek "a moved huh? How is it?"

"Kinda weird? I have a few roomates you should meet!"

"I thought... You were living alone?"

"Yeah thats what i thought too"

Roman comes over and remy just slides down the staircase like "WHO BROUGHT SILVER INTO THIS DAMN HOUSE PATTON YOU K N O W I CANT DO SILVER"

Patton gets a text like "who is wearing the anti demon symbol? Youre upseting de"

Virgils just like "oooooo* breaks a plate on his head*

Patton: "Virgil! This is our guest!"

They all become good friends after a while but the only thing holding them together is

patton

Remy sometimes asks for a drink

Patton gives him starbucks

Remy is always like "ou know thats nowhat i meant" and still drinks it anyway

Roman definetly is over at that house every other night

12 guest bed rooms? Hell yeah sleep overs!

And he does magic ALL. THE. TIME. No thoughts over consequences

Just "hey can i do an explosion spell ive never tried on this apple as it sits on your head?"

"SURE!"

Logan, who has grown attached: no the fuck you wont

" deceit can you please stop the ominous steps! I have to go to work tommorow i need sleep!"

Roman accidently introduces virgil to emo music and suddenly patton has to give virgil a curfew kn when hes allowed to blast music in the basement cause he needs sleep

Roman "AH FUCK A BIRD" *frantically swatting at remy*

Remy: THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME? THE SECOND YOU TAKE OFF THAT SILVER EARRING IM GONNA FUCKING TAKE ALL OF YOUR BLOOD

Roman yeets another plate into the abyss, smashing it on the fridge. "Boys! Come on please someones gotta replace these plates!"

Roman and virgil: "sorry pat... "

I hate everything my first thought was Patton punishing them with "get on top of the fridge! Get up there!" vine

" this hoUSE IS A FUCKING N I G H T M A R E"

Virgil: "No shit sherlock theres 54 things in this house that could kill you and im not even counting the supernatural yet"

One of the 54 things on Virgil's list is the blender. He does Not Trust It

No one knows when he died, least of all him.  He definetly is suspicious of all technology

Remy uses a perfect mix of old slang and new slang

He cant exactly.. CONTROL some of his demon like qualitys and he hates it. He tries to be profesional and stay calm but then hes crawling on the ceiling and pattons got the spray bottle again and hes like "fuck"

Sometimes tries to murder people

Has tries to murder roman twice

Got the spray bottle

Has stopped

I wouldn't expect anything less

Please tell me he's got a pavlovian fear response to any and all spray bottles now

No not all spray bottles, for instance if he sees a bottle of windex he thinks "thank god, someones cleaning" but if he sees the " bad demon" spray bottle then he immedietly focuses harder on not doing The Thing™

The bottles just filled with Water. Thats it. Its not holy water or anything cause patton doesnt wanna hurt him, but he keeps it in the fridge so its cold water and wakes him up a bit and makes him more aware of what hes doing

Deceit sometimes goes in timeout within a salt circle if hes killed something or someone

Salt circle of shame

Deceit and remy work tagteam. Deceit murders them, remy gets the blood. But they dont just like murder anyone, only peices of shit like sometimes de will be being all spooky in an ally and see some asshat trying to rape someone, immedietly murders them and remy gets a Nice Sip

Virgil knows but doesnt see a reason to bring it up since hes seen alot of murders in his life.

No one knows how

Hes ominous

Only i know for now

Remy apoligises for having virgil watch since he looks and acts like a teenager, but virgil just shrugs and says that. Remy is Suspicious™

He thinks he's kidding at first but it happens again and Virgil is, if possible, even more deadpan about it, and then he /suspects/

Patton is Worried™ when virgil says stuff like that. Like pattons a bit decensitized to death after a while of living with them and one day he like "oh virgi! Dont look over there deceit left another corpse! Ugh its just awful"

"Ive seen worse"

"Virge no-"

Pattin gives logan a pair of his old glasses since logan cant fuckin see

-

Virgil got long hair fuck you

-

Roman introduced virgil to memes. Worst mistake hes ever made

-

“Where you ever human logan?”

“At a time, yes. However, i do not remember anything from that time in my life”

“Was deceit?”

“No, patton. Hes never known a shred of humanity.”

“Who did this to you two?”

“I wish i knew… i would assume only satan himself could turn a man into a hideous beast like me”

“I dont think youre a monster lo..”

“..... Thank you Patton”

-

Logan and deceit eat souls. In this universe, a sould is stored in the heart. Already dead people dont have souls anymore, they have already became a ghost, or moved to an afterlife.

No you cannot eat a ghost.

Souls taste different

Pattons would taste like berries and hot chocolate.

There is a strict “no eating patton” rule set in place by virgil

Yes, this rule does extend to remy

No he cannot have “just a sip”

-

Virgil does NOT like the appliences in the house.

Hes scared of the blender.

After patton had fully moved in, he was wandering around the kitchen one night and pushed a button on the blender

When it started making noise and moving virgil promptly screamed and threw it at the wall

He apoligized to patton once they became friends.

He is scared of the washing machine too

-

Reny started living there about 50 years ago

Virgil TRIED to get him to leave before they could eat him

Remy assured him he had no soul since he was a vampire and just kept coming back to sleep there.

They sorta just accepted it  

[thestalkerbunny]

wardrobe #squad, parachute, poison, contact shooting star, for all the trolls

I nearly DIED, Seel.

WARDROBE

Carina: she's sort of got that borderline lolita style/50s house wife style; she likes those dresses people would wear in the 50s. Which is probably because for a long while she was a 'grave' robber and wore basically burlap for most of her life and finally she gets to wear something girly. Kneelength dresses and skirts, usually with sleeves.

Somali: He always dresses like he's a shaloin monk. OR just doesn't wear a shirt. And if he did ever update his wardrobe-he'd wear those super ugly neon shirts that are cut to the near BOTTOM on the sides and backwards hat with something douchey on it.

Lyrain: Fuking dork has all graphic T-shirts with video game and movie refrences. Always wearing the studded bracelets and collars. He probably wears multicolored weed socks underneath those baggy hottopic pants.

Merlot: FLOWY WOODLAND ASTHETIC. If she could, she would wear a fake flower crown CONSTANTLY. Would 100% probably take the best selfies. She's a big girl so most of her outfits are relatively loose and flowing; usually with flowers.

Kotomi: I honestly need to update what he wears, but think the designs of Bethany Yellowtail. Kotomi is very Indigenous coded and I want him to have that style, at least in formal settings (or if Ecohla gets ahold of him and goes 'YOU NEED TO WEAR SOME NICE CLOTHES TELL ME WHAT U WANT BOI I WILL DO IT FOR U'). Outside of that, he'd probably have just ONE outfit he wears out of pure depression that's dirty sweats and t-shirt that says 'The only D I have is Depression.'

Ecohla: WALK WALK FASHION BABY. Usually in sort of Jade color scheme and formal male attire. Will not wear if it is not their own personal design or Gucci. ITS GUCCI OR NOTHING.

Scapin: Very similar to Lyrains-but it's all science jokes and science puns on t-shirts. And he usually wears dirty/semi clean leather labcoats over it (Think like the kind of leather/plasticy stuff made of butcher aprons in horror movies, blood just slides right off.) He sometimes enjoys wearing a skirt once in a while.

Tannuk: He's relatively insecure with his body; so he just wears hoodies and thick jackets constantly so you can't really tell if he's chunky or thin or WHAT under all that. HE doesn't CARE if it's 500 DEGREES, he would sooner DIE that take off that jacket. Usually fur linned shit. Wears basically Uggs.

Aderam: She doen't fucking wash her clothes and she wears the same smelly jacket and everything is sort of gnawed on and torn up at the edges and just. A hot. MESS.

Bastte: She doens't like wearing shirts. It's hard to keep her wearing pants rn. She's against bras, shirts, shoes and everything. If she could have it her way-she would just be nakey ALL the time.

Mohlai: you know those movies about beach bums and surfer bois? That's all Mohlai wears. He probbaly swim suit under neath his outfit when on land-100% HAS HIS WET SUIT UNDER EVERYTHING. JUST. SO READY FOR WATER. EVERY OUTFIT IS WATERPROOF.

Seadna: similar to Tannuk in the context of she wears a lot of jackets-but in the context she's never been exposed to warm weather.

Oshune: She's fucking GOTH seel. Just google CHUBBY GOTH GIRL-wait never mind. that's all just fucking porn. But she's a Goth. Always wears dark colors. Dark purples. Skull Jewlry.

Babbit: 70s-80s party girl fashion style. Leopard print is THE MUST. Leather Boots UP to the fucking THIGH with 6 inch heels.

Nivano: Similar to Babbit, but usually in leather with studs. Either a biker or bdsm casual TWINK. He's one fucking step away from wearing a collar that says 'property of Babbit'

　

SQUAD

Carina: Usually hangs out with Scapin, but would also hang with Oshune if the chance came along. Goth gal friends

Somali: NOBODY WANTS TO HANG WITH SOMALI. But Bastte finds him a tolerable workout friend. Mainly because he can't fucking run and she likes to watch him flail.

Lyrain: Seadna is his biggest fangirl and he wants to be friends with Kotomi. Kotomi would sooner slit his own throat.

Merlot: Kotomi is BEST MOIRAIL along with any gals. Merlot is the absolute mom friend.

Kotomi: Merlot is best friend first, SCapin is his depression sad times buddy. He absolutely LOATHES Lyrain.

Ecohla: Doesn't do WELL platonically. Was once friends with Tannuk.

Scapin: Carina seems to be his only actual friend along with Kotomi.

Tannuk: BEST FRIENDS SEADNA. They probably have BFFS necklaces.

Aderam: we don't discuss. Aderam just seems to hate EVERYTHING.

Bastte: tolerates Somali, is rather friendly with Ecohla and Merlot

Mohlai: Pals around with Lyrain most of the time and Ecohla at times.

Seadna: BESTIES with Tannuks and is Lyrain's number one fangirl.

Oshune: Seelie is best friend and seemingly only friend, but would hang out with Carina.

Babbit: ONLY NIVANO

Nivano: ONLY BABBIT.

　

Parachute

Carina: Carina would do anything for almost anyone, but none more so than with Scapin. She trusts him absolutely and totally. She never really feels 100% safe; probably the whole shitty upbringing with Buzzard Padre

Somali: Somali doesn't seem to trust really anyone and he's so secure in his own strenght that he's never cocerned for his safety. And since he doesn't really have friends he doesn't really...DO anytihng for anyone.

Lyrain: Lyrain is similar to Carina, he'd do anything for anyone if they asked. He puts utmost trust in anyone (which is probably a huge fault in him) I don't think he really has anyone he feels safe to??

Merlot: Kotomi. It's all Kotomi. She would kill for him, she would die for him. She has utmost faith in him.

Kotomi: Kotomi feels immensely safe and would do anything for Merlot and trusts her as completely as she to him.

Ecohla: Doesn't really TRUST anyone, but feels relatively safe around Scapin (its the chainsaw.) Ecohla would only really do anything if it benefits themself.

Scapin: Scapin doesn't really TRUST anyone-maybe Carina or ever really feels safe. He's like science but layered in paranoia. He would do anything for Carina. ANYTHING she would ask of him he'd do.

Tannuk: Seadna. That's it. Doesn't listen to anyone else. Nope. Just the fish princess.

Aderam: SHES THE PERSON WHO GOES 'YES I TRUST YOU' and then off camera she goes 'you're going to fuck up.' She does have this weird level of trust in people around her. Other than that. NOTHING. She does everything for herself and her own goals.

Bastte: Herself. That's the answer for two. She would also do anything for anyone, she wants to use her strength to protect thosewho can't.

Mohlai: Mohlai is too quick to trust and feels sort of safe around people like Tannuk or Bastte-people who he knows are strong-but is absolutely weak willed and can be pushed around easily.

Seadna: She has immense faith and trust in Tannuk and feels safe around him. She'd try and do anything for anyone, as a good ruler should.

Oshune: She doesn't trust theater troupes and you don't really feel safe after every sense of being safe is just so violated by being murdered. She'd do anything for Seelie.

Babbit: Nivano for all above-exept safety. she finds safety inherself

Nivano: ditto as Babbit.

　

Poison

Carina: Holds a grudge for a very long time. Not nessarily a bad thing, but she can be petty at times over things. It doesn't really affect anything she does, she just goes for swift justice. (*Breaks a cup* Okay I'm fine now.) She's also terrible Naive at times. She doesn't question things or do the reasearch she's supposed to do when people tell her information. She just takes it as the gospel truth.

Somali: He....he's such a douche. he's got that fucking stupid SJW mentality of 'I'm doing what's right by hurting other people and calling them out.' BEcause of this, he's sort of alienated himself by making himself this dislikeable.

Lyrain: He thinks poorly of himself and takes critism hard (like all artists do.) he often destroys his own work because they're not good enough.

Merlot: she upsets easily and stays upset much longer than nessary. She holds a heavier grudge and even after the person has said sorry, she still won't forgive them for a long time.

Kotomi: I don't think chronic depression would count as a vice. LIke, if that wasn't in his way, he'd be op. He'd be fine. Outside of the depression he's an actual upstanding moral individual with likeable decent qualities. Mental illness is just keeping him from being op.

Ecohla: Ecohla's lustful nature comes from being platonically a failure of a moirail and they try to over compensate for that by basically being the world's most amazing lover which sort of ruins their reputation as a designer and makes everyone view them as just a dumb slut.

Scapin: Scapin just takes the blame so easily and blames himself so easily. Like someone could say 'you broke my favorite cup' and he will immediately say 'I'm sorry' (even though everyone knows Aderam did it.) He blames himself so quickly that he often loses confidence in his own skills which makes him fuck up even more and he blames himself again.

Tannuk: He thinks he can do it all on his own and he doesn't need anyone's help. He bites off more than he can chew and he just drowns under it without calling out for help.

Aderam: She's a slothful easily wrathful being. She pushes everyone away as far as possible and doesn't let anyone into her inner circle or know what her personal agenda is or even her emotions. She doesn't vent or have feelings jams-she just bottles it up and then she just unleases it on some poor individual who invokes her.

Bastte: She's got the 'I GOTTA BE FIRST' competitive mentality and it sorta puts pressure on her. She's sort of a bad loser.

Mohlai: Doesn't really have a flaw except his terrible choices in friends. He tried to be friends with Aderam. Which was just BAD.

Seadna: She's a timid (is that vice) Weak willed, lilly livered person. She can't stand up to herself.

Oshune: Very slothful and gluttonous creature along with healthy doese of lust.

Babbit: Lust, Pride and Wrath are her vices and it WOULD hurt the people around her. but she only surrounds herself with Nivano and it doesn't seem to bother him since he's the exact same way.

Nivano: See Babbit. That's why they go so well together. They're absolute birds of a feather.

　

Contact

Carina: She's a very touchy person, she talks a lot of with her hands and she makes a lot of physical contact with people. In regards of herself being touched-she likes her hair being played with a lot.

Somali: TOUCH ME, LOOK AT THIS MUSLCE, I FLEX. YOU WANNA TOUCH? Nobody wants to touch somali. Bad. Nope.

Lyrain: He usually politely keeps his hands to himself and asks people to sort of do the same unless they're friends. *he has very squishable cheeks perfect for squishes. Like a Shiba Inu.*

Merlot: Don't poke her in the tum. She punch. But she's very huggy. Mom gestures. Always. SOFT HUGS FROM A SOFT GIRL.

Kotomi: Dont touch, dont touch, dont touch,dont touch, dont touch, dont touch.

Ecohla: VERY into touching and being touched-both platonically and sexually. Maybe it's the 'CANT FUCKING SEE' thing, but they basically are constantly touching someone or something.

Scapin: Doesn't really care to be touched unless it's intimate. He usually keeps his hands to himself unless someone asks him to do so (He likes playing with Carina's hair tho. Soft. Smells gud.)

Tannuk: Again usually keeps his hands to himself but is surprisingly tolerant to people touching him. He's with Lyrain in 'squishy cheek club' and Seadna loves playing with those soft boi cheeks.

Aderam: DO NOT TOUCH ME WITHOUT PERMISSION, BUT I WILL ALSO BE WEIRDLY INVASIVE TOUCH WISE. lIke. SMACK. I slap u. That is how I show any form of borderline affection. SLAP.-quote from Aderam.

Bastte: She's in the same bucket with Somali in regards of 'you wanna feel my muscles' but people actually WANT to feel the kitty buffness. She's pretty forward when it comes touching people. But only so she can bench press them.

Mohlai: Is open to being touch and usually asks politely to touch you. But smells like a fishy.

Seadna: She's not used to contact or being touched, but she'd probably start crying if you'd hug her.

Oshune: She's like Merlot, she touches with or without permission and enjoys being touched *as much as a ghost can*

Babbit:The only one Babbit allows to touch her is Nivano *and fans of course* THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS BASICALLY SUB AND MISTRESS, so yeah.

Nivano: Lives to be touched and wants to touch but is not allowed to touch. But that is his kink.

　

Shooting Star

Carina: I wish to be the world's best inventor

Somali: I wish people would see me for the visionary I am

Lyrain: I wish I could just do nothing all day but play my gitaur and draw.

Merlot: I wish everyone would be safe and sound.

Kotomi: I just want to be happy and okay again.

Ecohla: I wish to be loved.

Scapin: I just want to be good for once in my life.

Tannuk: I wish for Seadna to be happy.

Aderam: Give me back my friend you DOUCHE BAG.

Bastte: I wish for everyone to survive to see the end of this game.

Mohlai: I want to find the world's greatest treasure.

Seadna: I wish to be a good princess and make people happy.

Oshune: I wish I was alive.

Babbit: I wish Nivano knew how proud of him I am

Nivano: I wish Babbit knew how proud of her I am

[infiniteuncertainty]

y

I feel like I am constantly running around constantly under pressure and constantly feeling useless. I believe I am frustrated and irritated beyond belief with my life. I think I have finally realized that I am not always happy and granted that’s ok - nobody in life is perfectly happy 100% of the time but lately I get into these funks where I just wish I could run away or be alone or start over or just be with a friend. I wish it were as simple as it used to be - to make plans with a friend. I can’t seem to do that much anymore. The fact that my mom is going through hell practically and my dog is slowly withering away - fuck this sounds depressing but this is how my life has been lately. Stressful, upsetting, and yet somehow busy. I remember when there were times I’d be home alone like I am now and I would just lay on the floor next to my dog or just pet her and hug her and play but she has grown old and lost her mobility. Basically, it’s up to us when to decide that she has to leave. Which if you’ve had to do this I’m sure you know how shitty it feels to have to make that decision. It really fucking sucks. Abby was truthfully my first pet but I knew she wasn’t going to make it much longer. The poor ol’ girl is 15 and I mean she had a surgery on her spine when she was like 7? It sucks so much because on the outside besides the mobility I mean she still will catch a toy for a little bit and thank god she still eats and drinks - but when she can’t get up to walk let alone stand for very long it just has to be miserable for her I’m sure. On top of all of this, my mom ha been having a hard time with her chemo, I believe they’ve changed her drugs like 4 times or so? She keeps getting reactions or bad side effects. Plus she’s lost most of her hair now and absolutely hates it. She hates the way she looks and is totally self-conscious about it all, no matter how many times I tell her how pretty she is, she could care less. I completely understand because I too am not happy with my own body so I’m sure if that were me I would be a complete mess and so that being said it sucks to feel completely useless in those times when she’s so upset. It breaks my heart but I hope this new drug they are putting her on goes smoothly. People literally call it the red devil - like wtf as if that’ not scary enough - it has a 2% risk of developing heart issues or leukemia over time. So she’s incredibly nervous and all I can do is wish and pray the best for her. 

Talking about all of this reminds me of how much people don’t understand what it’s like to go through any of this (unless they have experienced it). Becoming diagnosed with something like stage 1 breast cancer completely flips your world upside down. Of course it takes a toll on you physically but I dont think people realize it does just as much damage mentally - which obviously the person going through this suffers the most but it’s not like their loved ones are perfectly fine either! and I guess this has been eating away at me this entire time since she was diagnosed back in October. I’m not trying to play the pity card or ask for a pity party or whatever but there are very few people in my life that I call my friends that have truthfully asked me about how my mom is doing. And when I sit back and realize this - I imagine how if this were the other way around and it was my friend's mom I know for a fact I would be there for them and talk to them more than most have bothered for me. Now don’t get me wrong - there are a select few, like literally I could count on one hand, that have and I thank god that they exist or I would probably feel like complete shit 24/7. It just hurts. It hurts to know that because I had finally put my foot down and told myself to stop being that person that always reaches out because ya know what - for once it would be nice if someone reached out to me, and then to see the people who I thought were my close friends to not really say much - really fucking blows. I miss my friends. I miss having friends is how it really feels. I hate that everyone just assumes that I’m totally fine. UPDATE: I’m not. and haven’t been for a while. I miss them a lot but I keep telling myself to not bother contacting them because what is the point? it’s not like I can go meet them. I am stuck in my house. There are days I don’t mind this and there are days I want to get the fuck out. But I can’t. 

On another note - my father has turned into a real jerk. LITERALLy have not even spoken to him on the phone since our whole traveling experience where we argued the drive there AND back. I can’t stand his stubbornness and selfishness anymore. He was constantly on my as bout getting a job and how it’s gonna be a year since I graduated and how sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do in life. NOW - all of that being said yeah I know he’s not wrong but also he isn’t 100% right either. He literally has no fuckng clue as to what it is like to live here. He just thinks I’m sitting around not trying to do anything with my life because I live with my mom and darren and gmah. I had gotten so sick of having that argument with him in the car having to explain to him “what I’m doing to be so busy” everyday. I told him that he’d be the first to know when I got a job but that wasn’t enough. He questioned me bout why not take a train or uber to a job - GEE IDK MAYBE BC I DON’T WANT TO. I get incredibly anxious when taking public transportation ESPECIALLY to new places and I hate relying on it bc I’ve been late to school so many fucking times I don’t really want to stress about it - it honestly would just be really nice to have my own car so I could have my own actual life and maybe idk go see a friend or go to wherever the fuck i want to go. He still cant manage to help me out with that one - but besides all of that bullshit - IT’D BE NICE IF YOU AND LIBBY COULD HAVE THE DECENCY TO ASK HOW MOM IS DOING. THAT IS WHAT IM EXTREMELY UPSET ABOUT and why I haven’t bothered to call him since he dropped me off March 26th. I made that very clear to him in the car - he always tells me how I can call him up anytime to talk but really he made the point to say I only cal him when I need something or he doesn’t understand how I am busy when he calls me I’m either cleaning or going to the store.. yes dad that is all i ever fuking do. NO NO I don’t call you up just to talk because a.) you either talk all about your business the whole damn time b.) whatever I tell you isn’t good enough obviously sorry if I’m not busy enough. SO I’m sure he hasn’t called me because he’s gonna play it off to be he was waiting on me but HA YEAH I WASNT KIDDING. so here I am. What especially pisses me off is the way Libby has literally the entire fucking time said NOTHING to me about like oh hope your moms okay or how she doing or how are you. Like honestly if this whole situation was flipped we sure as hell would show more concern that you heartless assholes. ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT BE STAYING AT YOUR PLACE ANYTIME SOON. THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE YOU REALLY COULD CARE LESS. 

UGH Now I’m just irritated with everything. I’m trying to vent as much as I possibly can because its been a hot minute and like I said I dont get to see many friends to do this with. Sooooo I resort to my good ol’ tumblr to type up a fucking ranty novel for nobody to read. *thumbs up emojii* lmao If you have read this far - I hope you are at least having a good day♥ 

[the0ther-side0f-dawn]

personal rant time: study stress, messed up sleep & bad nightmares

so, i had an essay due last night, i still havent written it, and thats okay bc its only 2% of my overall course grade that i lose per day. but i was going to write it today.

i went to sleep at about 10 or 11pm. fairly early. i set an alarm for 11am, assuming i would have woken up, well-rested before then. i woke up at 3.45am. i felt awak but i knew i had to go back to sleep because i needed to actually have adequate sleep for once, and to get thru a whole day without napping. i finally fell asleep again about 5am-6am. i have a vague memory of silencing my alarm. i didnt wake until 3.15pm. i had about 15-17 hours sleep. thats not normal. also my mouth tastes like blood for no apparent reason. i have a very sore back, and have had for a while now. theres suddenly a lump on my inner-thigh. im assuming its just a cyst. im sure its fine. it had better be. becaus ei cant be fuked doing anything about it. and i am still sleepy.

i think im going to go to the shops after dinner and get some things. then im going to take some me-time. watch some tv/movies. apply for an extension on the essay i have due monday. and then get stuck into the one that was due yesterday. i guess i wont be sleeping tonight.

on top of that i had some horrific nightmares last night.

most of them were involving my family aligning themselves agsinst me- humiliating me over little things, getting angry over things like me taking too long to choose snacks at a snack-bar, or wasting money on buying new earphones for $6 or shaming me for eating too much, or in one dream our house was full of giant and angry big lizards and my brother and nephew kept throwing them at me. and my dad and mum were these great sorcerers and they were trying to get us to do some menial task, and i was trying to tell them there was a better and easier way to do it, that didnt require the unnecessary use of my labour, because boy do my parents love to make us do things for the sake of doing things and i have argued a 1000 times irl, and then my dad would keep cutting me off and yelling at me and refusing to let me speak so i never got to voice my argument, and he started blackmailing, and slit my cats throat, and then sent a giant black bear after me, and in another dream me and my friends were making fun of RI at school, and all the dumb songs they would make us learn, and then this girl i lowkey had a crush on shows up and is talking about her instagram and how much she loves jesus? and in the dream i had a crush on her, but it turns out she has a sister (who doesnt exist irl) that my brother is dating. and idk sleep is just hours upon hours of me being embarrased and humiliated and threatened and attacked and hurt by people who should care about me, but don’t.

and if dreams are a metaphor for real life, then this was p accurate.

and im stressed

and everything hurts

and im also beein worried lately that im not social enough adnt aht noone really likes my company

even tho i dont know the first thing about being social

and im worried about my cat, because she has been missing for 3 weeks

and i’ve been more suicidal than usual lately, and broke a 3yr no self-harm streak.

and life just sucks. and i am very tired.