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blue-flamed-phoenix · 2 years ago

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Little Wolf - Jerome Valeska FanFiction

Warnings: mentions of abuse, mentions of death

Word count: 2543

Phoenix's P.O.V

I woke up when I felt the car go over a speed bump. I had slept almost the entire trip. To be honest I'm happy I fell asleep, it means I didn't have to listen to my snobby family that I am sadly related to. I mean it's not that any of them care about me anyway they'd probably would rather see me dead lying in a gutter somewhere.

As I sat up in the very back of the car, I looked towards the rest of the snobby people I apparently must call family. First in the driver's seat was my self-centred, brute of a Father. Kingston Wilson. often, I was his main target. Most of the time he would brutally beat me until the sun came up. He always said how I was a disappointment, an embarrassment to the family. That I was a disgrace. I never did anything to him he just started beating me for as long as I can remember. My father wanted 'the perfect family', 'perfect house', and 'perfect children'. Sometimes when the whole family was at a party woman would stare at my father because of his 'looks'. steel grey eyes, jet black hair, sharp jawline, and sharp features. All the women practically had their jaws on the floor when he walked by them. If only they knew what a cruel man he really was.

Then in the passenger seat is my self-absorbed, bitchy mother. Scarlett Wilson. She would join my father in his daily beating sessions. She is obsessed with fancy things like make-up, jewellery, dresses and practically anything with a hefty price tag on it. My mother mostly shops all day almost every day except when she is working though. Spending my father's money. Every-time at party's she'd often hook-up with a guy every now and then without my father knowing about it. Most guys would be looking at her with desire like she was a piece of meat. My mother has Brown eyes, dirty blonde hair and has more softer features. In my opinion she just looks like a witch.

Then to my right we have my bratty, spoiled bitch some people might say older sister. Evangeline Wilson. The family's cruel princess. Every now and then I'd cop quite a few nasty comments of course when she could, usually she was too busy trying to get into a guys bed. I guess she is too obsessed with herself and how much makeup is caked on her face. Both my parents spoiled her rotten. She would get whatever she wanted and would chuck the biggest tantrums until she got those things. She's what you call little Miss barbie doll. Bright sky-blue eyes, pure blonde hair and perfect sharp looks. Back where we used to live everyone practically bowed down to her as though she was a princess. All the jocks were practically drooling at the sight of her.

Then to my left is my stuck-up, arrogant older brother. Jonathan Wilson. He's 17 turning 18 in a few months with my sister, they are twins. At times he would join my father in tormenting and beating me. Johnathan always made every girl swoon over him however as soon as he got them into bed, he would dump them straight after. he was a jerk and often picked on those that wouldn't do his bidding, like me for example. Jonathan had brown eyes, jet black hair with a sharp jawline to go with it. My father is often extra proud of him because he played football and joined the family business.

Then that leaves me. The unwanted one. My names Phoenix Wilson. I'm the youngest of the family. I'm 16 years old, turning 17 in about 10 months. You have probably guessed by now that I don't really share the same interests as the rest of the family. I've always felt like I was different and never really fit in with the rest of the family. I never really liked make-up or dresses. To be honest I'd rather wear ripped skinny jeans and a black tee shirt.

You might be asking why my family treat me so badly well. The family was perfect before dearest mother had me. you see My brother and sister have normal hair and looks. Well, I'm not the same as what my parents were hoping for as in 'perfect child' terms. I have pure White hair. No one knows why I have this colour of hair. My parents have done just about everything to change the colour. Nothing has worked at all. I have bright hazel eyes, so you can probably guess that I look nearly nothing like my parents.

I have a very skinny figure. My parents decided if they couldn't change my hair why not start feeding me less and less food. While my parents and sibling were obsessed with themselves. I had an obsession of my own. See I am obsessed with Wolves. I can only imagine what it would feel like to be free, to roam around anywhere you want, whenever you want. No nagging parents or bratty sibling. In fact, I have 7 wolves. Yes, you heard right wolves. When I was 10, I stumbled upon 2 wolf pups. they looked like they had only just been born.

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~

I was walking through a park to take a breather. Earlier my father had gotten drunk and he decided 'let's throw some glass bottles at Phoenix. She'll be fine'. So here I am walking through the park with little cuts all over me as I walk around I can hear little whimpers. These whimpers sounded like a hurt puppy or dog. I looked in the direction of the whimpers and saw big bushes. I walk towards them and as I did I heard the whimpers get louder.

I looked in the bushes to see two wolf pups. I was amazed, they were newborns. I mean it's not everyday you see baby wolves. I've only read about them in books before and I've always found a fascination for them. Now they are right in front of me.

I looked around for the mother but she was nowhere to be found. I took my jacket off and I wrapped the wolves in my jacket to keep them warm. I walk around the park looking for the mother only to see a truck. The tale gate was open and what I saw horrified me. In the back of the truck was a bunch of dead wolves stacked on top of each other. I saw three men standing my the truck they had guns, so I guess they killed those wolves."Well I guess it's just us now little ones." I spoke to the little wolf pups curled up in my jacket. "Don't worry little ones I'll look after you." I said to them. I started the walk back to the house and as I did I thought about names for the wolves.

Two names interested me the most. Sylvia and Natalie. I looked down at the pups. Yep those names fit. I continue to walk back to the house so I could care for them and give them food.

~~~~~~~Flashback ended~~~~~~~

As Me and my family travelled from place to place for the family business. I gradually kept finding more wolf pups in similar situations as the first two. So, I took them in and cared for them. I bonded with each wolf. They trusted me as I trusted them. I'd do anything for them as they would for me. It's like whenever I talked to them, they would be able to understand me. they went wherever I went. Most of the wolves Now are all grown up.

Now you might be wondering what the family business is. well, my parents love to perform. They love the attention and sadly my siblings inherited those traits as well. They do trampoline gymnastics. They all love flipping and being in the air. it's been in the family for years my grandparents did it as well. before my family would travel all over the world to perform and sometimes compete in front of large crowds. however out of the blue my father after a few drinks had the brilliant Idea of joining the circus. So here we are in the car driving to our new I guess you could say home. Of course, the wolves are in the back of the car with me all curled up and still sleeping. Who knows maybe joining the circus could be fun. I looked out the window to see the big red circus tent as we drove by it. The car then came to a stop and as the car stopped mother turned around in her seat.

"Now be on your best behaviour kids. Remember Smile." she said without a glance at me. she meant for Jonathan and Evangeline to smile and for me to hide away in the background like I usually do. Most of the time I would sneak off while they did all the smiley stuff that they loved so much.

We got out of the car and were instantly met with the ringmaster. But what surprised me more was the fact that the whole circus was standing a few metres behind him. Out of instinct I put my hands in the front pocket of my black hoodie. He shook my father's hand and said "We are so overjoyed to have you all join us" he said with a smile on his face. He looked at us one by one. I didn't really pay much attention to that though as I was easily focused on other things.

I heard scratching at the car and instantly I knew what it was, so I walked over to the car. One of the wolves, Sylvia wanted to get out of the car. I didn't know whether to let her out considering I didn't know how these people would react to a wolf being around let alone 7. But hey, what the hell, it's a circus and they keep lions and elephants here.

I opened the car door letting her out. Sylvia has jet black fur all over and a black nose. As soon as I let her out straight away, she was glued to my side. I closed the car door so the other wolves wouldn't get out. Sylvia is the most behaved out of the 7 mainly because she was the oldest. She walked with me back to where my family were standing. Only then did I realise the ringmasters gaze was on me and Sylvia. He didn't have a look of fear more of a curious one. Just as he was about to say something he was interrupted by my mother.

"So, introductions are in order. Kids you know what to say." she said as the ringmaster brought his attention to her. he then said, "Yes let's get you all introduced." he then turned around to the rest of the people that were standing behind him and said, "Everyone our new arrivals are here."then he started introducing us. starting with my father. "This is Mr. Wilson and Mrs. Wilson and they're kids, Evangeline, Jonathan and Phoenix." He said a few people smiled; others nodded their heads some just ignored. however,most of them were staring at my family. My siblings and me more than anything.I suddenly got a little anxious with the awkward silence. I felt Sylvia brush up against my hand and so automatically I started playing with her fur and patting her fur. This helped calm my anxiety down. I zoned out for a second and then suddenly people started greeting my parents and siblings. I just stood there with Sylvia at my side not really knowing what to do. But in the background I saw a boy with what looked like fiery red hair. He was looking in my direction and I was looking in his. However this didn't last very long as My father then came towards me.

"Brat help me with the trailers and our stuff." He said as he continued walking towards the car without stopping. I obliged and helped bring stuff into the trailers that we were using. There were two trailers that we shared. By we I mean my two-sibling shared one and my parents shared the other. I didn't really want to stay in one not that I had a choice anyway. Space was too small, and I was fine with sleeping outside with the wolves. We made do with what we had, and I was fine with that. Often, I'd sleep with the wolves most nights. I guess separation anxiety I don't know. I continued unloading my parent's stuff while my father went back to chatting with the rest of the circus folk.

?????? P.O.V (minutes earlier) As I walked out of the trailer I could hear my mother screaming at me at the top of her lungs but I didn't look back, it was just another day in this crappy circus. I heard that apparently there was going to be a new family joining the circus and that they'd be arriving today. There were a lot of whispers and rumours about them that were going around. As I walk further away from the trailer I saw a lot of people from the circus all waiting around.

Haly was at the front of the group talking with a Grayson. That family is a bunch of Arrogant bastards. The Lloyds are even worse they're drunken assholes. Suddenly a car rolls up and I see that it must be the new family. As I look on, I see a man and a women. Then three people get out of the car after the first two. A boy and two girls get out. Almost immediately I notice the last girl is differ from the others.

She has white hair. Huh, I've never seen anything like it before. The girl looks completely different from the others that we're now being greeted by Haly. Not only that but even her body language is different from the rest. There's something about her, something interesting. Haly turns around to face us and he introduces the family. "This is Mr. Wilson and Mrs. Wilson and they're kids, Evangeline, Jonathan and Phoenix." He said. So that was her name.

Just by looking at her you can tell she is more timid and more reserved then her siblings. People start walking forward and greeting them but I stay where I am. I keep staring at the girl that is until she notices I'm staring and she holds eye contact. Then I see it. The same look I have. Deep in her eyes, they show pain, agony, anger. The look as though she's screaming inside. A look of pure raw emotion. I notice there is a wolf by her side. However the look that she has in her eyes quickly changes to fear as her father walks towards her. 'I wonder. What is making her so intriguing, so inviting.' I thought.

Next chapter ->

#jeromevaleska #jerome valeska #gotham #valeska brothers #circus #the joker #dc gotham #gotham fanfic #jerome valeska fanfiction #little wolf 1

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torimidori2-blog · 8 months ago

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When my mom was pregnant, they were hoping for a boy and got me (afab) instead. They decided to make a compromise since I was diagnosed with ADHD and more boys were diagnosed with ADHD than girls. Since it was a boys thing, my parents raised me as a tomboy with Hot Wheels, Legos, Nerf Guns, and other boyish stuff, and they even got me into soccer, but I wasn't really interested in sports at all. I did like some of the other stuff and I liked to share dolls with my younger sibling growing up and I didn't seem to have any problems with how my parents treated my gender for a while. As a teenager though, that's when I started to get uncomfortable with my body and how my puberty was making me look. I used to joke about how I'd donate my boobs to anyone who needed them, and I joked about me hating my boobs until my family started to get visibly uncomfortable . At first it was a relatable thing because boobs are heavy and they hurt my back, and they cause people to stare and all that, but I was joking about how I could go without them, and it did make people uncomfortable, so I caught on and stopped. Once I was 17 I realized I was nonbinary, but I was appearing to be very masculine most of the time. Wearing loose clothes, speaking differently, and being more self conscious about the perception of my gender around other people. I started rekindling my relationship with femininity when I moved away from my grandparents at the age of 18. I realized that I was really androgynous with the way I expressed myself. From the way I naturally spoke, to the way I did my makeup, to the sense of style I have, to the way I passionately spoke about the things l like, I didn't feel like just a tomboy. It sounded wrong and had the implications that I was a girl who liked boy things. I didn't just like boy things and I didn't really consider anything I did to be either boy things or girl things, I just played with toys. If I had heard of the term "non-binary" earlier in my life, I would have come to the conclusion that I was non-binary sooner. Also, I still own a Nerf gun and it's fucking awesome lol.

looking back on it i should have realized i was nonbinary a long time before i did (afab)

exhibit a. i have literally always been super uncomfortable with super feminine clothing and makeup, yet wore it all the time because i felt like it was what i 'had' to do because of what society told me. but i absolutely hated every second of it

exhibit b. i've always been incredibly uncomfortable in feminine bathing suits (i guess this goes with the feminine clothing thing but oh well). i recall constantly being super uncomfortable with them even when i was younger (less so then but especially once i hit eleven and twelve), and have almost always wished that i could just wear boy's swimwear

exhibit c. i only did feminine things because i felt like i 'had to' in order to be accepted by society, even when i really didn't feel like it or want to

exhibit d. getting misgendered never really...bothered me? like yeah i might be like 'um my parent's actually call me she' when someone called me a he but like i didn't actually care that much

exhibit e. the divide between girls and boys never really made/makes sense to me? like i genuinely don't get the idea of it past how people look

probably a lot more too much it's late and i'm tired and yeah

#nb #enby #nonbinary things #lgbtqia+#not my post

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salvatoreschool · 3 years ago

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Kaylee Bryant On "Legacies," The Importance Of Queer Rep On TV, Hosie, And More

"I have so many people constantly telling me that watching Josie on the show has made them feel more comfortable in themselves."

This week, Kaylee Bryant squeezed us into her schedule to talk about their role as Josie Saltzman on Legacies. As a huge Josie fan, I couldn't think of a better way to spend a morning than talking to Kaylee about The Vampire Diaries, Hosie, our favorite books, and more! Here's everything we talked about:

1. What was your audition for Legacies like?

My audition process was very interesting because they kept a lot of it a secret. I had no script and a fake character name. And then I had my second audition, a chemistry read, which Jenny Boyd [Lizzie] wasn't even at. I walked in and immediately just flat-out asked, "This is for the twins, right?" So it was long, but short and intense at the same time.

BuzzFeed: Wait, did you know which twin you were going to be playing?

I initially auditioned for Josie, and then during chemistry reads, they started asking me to read for Lizzie. And then we had our final callback where I finally met Jenny and we both read for both roles. They never told us [who was playing who] until Jenny had her appointment to go dye her hair blonde.

2. What's a typical day on set like?

Gosh, it changes every time. If it's a busy day on set, we're talking like 8 a.m. call time where we spend about two hours on hair and makeup and go straight into rehearsals. If it's a big sort of episode that involves stunt work and wire work, you're talking about doing maybe two scenes in a day. But if it's an average day, we can do anywhere from three to five scenes and we can start at 8 a.m. and wrap at 8 p.m. It really depends. I'm surprised if I'm not surprised.

3. You’ve said you’re a huge fan of The Vampire Diaries. Josie played Elena in the musical episode — what was that like?

It was surreal for sure. They had talked a little bit about doing a musical episode since Season 1. And I always thought that they were joking when they talked about doing Salvatore: The Musical!, so when they said Josie would obviously play Elena, I was like, "Hahaha." And then I got the script and realized I actually was playing Elena. The musical aspect of it was the easy part. The difficult part was, I think, getting into the iconic Elena attire and trying to feel normal. Because we have a lot of crew members that worked on The Vampire Diaries, and they kept coming up to me being like, "This is weird. I feel weird."

4. Do you have a favorite scene you’ve filmed with Courtney Bandeko (Finch) this season?

I really did love the scene that we had in the town square [when] we got on a moped. There were so many fans in the town square that were huddled in the rain — it was pouring rain, freezing cold — trying to snap photos of us. And it was kind of one of those surreal moments where it felt full circle, that I was on a Vampire Diaries spinoff in town square. It was a lot going on, but it was a lot of fun. It's always fun working with Courtney.

5. You and Danielle Rose Russell (Hope) also have amazing chemistry — what’s your favorite scene you’ve filmed together?

Oh gosh, we have a lot that are pretty amazing. Honestly, I'd say [Season 3] Episode 14 — we finally got to do a lot more scenes together. And it's always fun, especially when it's Josie, Lizzie, and Hope, because we have so much history character-wise. Any time you really get to dive into that, we love it.

6. I know Josie and Finch are working through some things right now, but I gotta ask — how do you feel about Hosie?

I love it. Danielle and I loved the idea of Hosie starting from Season 1, and we kept asking and asking and asking for it. So it's kind of funny and full circle that now the fans have kind of taken our side with things, and now they won't stop asking for it. All we want is this beautiful, dynamic relationship. And I think that the fans want that as well.

BuzzFeed: Yeah, I mean, people have even been asking me about Hosie, and I don't work on the show!

Oh, I'm sure! [Laughs] Obviously I love it, though.

7. Is there a particular Josie moment you’re really proud of?

Josie has a scene coming up in Episode 18 — or 19? — I don't know, but it's good. It's sort of the pinnacle of everything that Josie has felt over the past three years kind of culminating into one moment. So, I'm excited for people to see it.

8. You recently came out as queer. How has playing Josie, who’s pansexual, impacted you personally?

I felt a lot of pressure when I initially booked Josie because I was still figuring out who I was and what my label was. And playing a character who was so comfortable in who she was, it was inspiring [to me] in a way that I think a lot of other people watching the show have been inspired. I have so many people constantly telling me that watching Josie on the show has made them feel more comfortable in themselves. It's kind of amazing that we all have the same experience in that having queer representation makes you more comfortable.

9. You’ve been vocal about your Asian identity, and your character has spoken Japanese on the show. Did you have a hand in incorporating that into Josie’s character?

No, not at all! So, I spoke Japanese a few times on the [Instagram] Live and one of our writers, Penny Cox, saw me speaking Japanese and immediately went to Brett [Matthews] and was like, "We need to make this happen somehow." And then all of a sudden, I had a script in my hands. So it was a surprise, but a fun one.

BuzzFeed: Are you fluent in Japanese?

Gosh, no! I'm barely fluent in English. [Laughs] I would say I speak at the level of maybe a second-grader on a good day, though.

10. If you could pitch any storyline for Josie, what would it be?

I always joke that I want an episode that takes place overnight. That way, we all have to be wearing pajamas the entire episode. I just want to wear some comfy clothes for a whole two weeks, that's my main goal. So we can have a pajama episode, that's my pitch.

11. What's it like getting into character for Dark Josie scenes?

It's different in the sense that I know Josie so well. And knowing Josie in turn makes me understand Dark Josie. I have a whole different playlist of music that I listen to for Dark Josie — and I have the wig, which helps a lot with getting into character.

BuzzFeed: Well, now I have to ask what music is on that playlist!

I think "Bury a Friend" by Billie Eilish is a great one for Dark Josie. Also, "Villain" by K/DA is a prime example of a perfect song for Dark Josie, so I listen to that one as well.

12. What's your go-to Starbucks order?

Plain black iced Americano. Aria [Shahghasemi, who plays Landon] says I drink coffee like a sociopath. [Laughs]

13. What TV show are you currently binging?

I just finished watching Alice in Borderland, which is a Japanese show on Netflix. And I know Feel Good Season 2 just came out, so I think that's my next binge.

14. Damon or Stefan?

Stefan! They're both beautiful and I love them very much, but I'm Team Stefan when it comes to Elena.

15. If you could work with anyone from The Vampire Diaries, who would it be?

Ian Somerhalder has a lot of dogs. So, maybe I want to work with him for the sole reason of just talking about dogs. [Writer's note: Kaylee revealed she has two rescue dogs, one whom was sleeping right next to them during the interview! Kaylee described the dogs as "both complete and total nuts," but said she misses them about five minutes after getting into the car to go to work.]

16. Do you think you’re most similar to Josie, Lizzie, or Hope in real life?

I would say I'm an eclectic mix of the three. I can be very headstrong like Hope, very outspoken like Lizzie, and I try to be as loving as Josie, but sometimes that doesn't always work. But I'd like to think all three.

17. Is there a role people would be surprised to learn you auditioned for, but didn't get?

I've been auditioning since I was eight, so there's quite a few Disney Channel shows and movies. And I'm sure people would be surprised because I think I auditioned for like, all of them. It's very funny, one of the first jobs I ever booked in television was Kickin' It with Leo Howard [Ethan]. Talk about full circle — going from being 12 years old and having no idea what I'm doing to being a series regular on [Legacies] and welcoming Leo to the set.

18. Who's your favorite Disney princess?

Oh, I love Mulan so much. She was, like, my first crush ever. I also love Moana, but it's Mulan 1,000%.

19. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I mean, I do eat rice every day. So maybe just white rice — you can make rice into candy and...yeah, let's go with rice.

20. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could only bring one book, what would it be?

Oh no! I recently read The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers, and I really enjoyed that book. Oh god, Is that the one that I want to bring, though? I mean, I really enjoyed it and it has many different aspects to it. I don't know. Or should I go with Harry Potter? I go through different genres too, like right now I'm in a big sci-fi phase, but other times I'll go the opposite direction and only read biographies. Yeah, that's super hard. I don't think I would know!

21. On that note, what's your Hogwarts house?

Initially, when I was younger, it used to just be straight-up Slytherin. And now, I recently took the Sorting Hat Quiz and I got Ravenclaw. So I'm going to go with Slytherclaw.

BuzzFeed: What's Josie's house?

Josie would be Slytherin. She tries very hard and, you know, not everyone in Slytherin is evil. She just, you know, has her way of going about things.

22. Has anything super funny or embarrassing happened to you on set?

I trip a lot on set. I get scared very easily — if I come around the corner and somebody is walking the other direction, I get scared. Everybody knows to walk slowly around me because I get scared so easily.

23. What's your wildest fan story?

I've had people cry before. And I'm an empath, so if somebody starts crying, I immediately am like, "Please don't cry, because I'm gonna cry." And then it turns into this whole thing. Once we were shooting in the town square and this young girl with her mom started crying, and I just hugged her and I didn't know what to say. So there's a lot of that. There's also the occasional, "Where's your twin?" and...I don't have one, sorry! But yeah, I would say the people who cry always throw me for a loop.

24. How do you unwind after a long day?

I have an hourlong drive home from work, so I usually listen to a lot of music. And by the time I get home, taking off all of my makeup is very therapeutic. Because over time, we're working 13-hour days, 16-hour days, and it's just powder constantly building up on my face. So, washing my face is always very therapeutic. And then just laying back and reading a book and petting my dog is the best.

25. Is there a celebrity you get told you look like a lot?

Most recently, Sara Waisglass [from Ginny & Georgia and Degrassi]. We follow each other on social media now and I completely messed up because I don't know how Twitter works at all. I forgot that there's a DMing interaction, so we followed each other and I was like, "Oh, that's nice." And then just recently, I saw that she had messaged me being like, "We're twins! We should be friends!" And I immediately messaged back, "I'm so sorry, let's be friends!"

26. Who's your biggest celebrity crush?

Oh, I have so many. But consistently since I saw Orphan Black, Tatiana Maslany. Hands down.

27. Finally, have you ever caught someone watching a TV show or movie that you're in on a flight or anywhere else?

We were all, as a cast, flying to — was it New York Comic Con, or San Diego Comic Con? — one of the Comic Cons. And we were all sitting there and we saw that Legacies was actually on the airplane as an option. And we were all just uncomfortably staring at each other. Yeah, that was surreal.

Be sure to catch Kaylee in Legacies, which airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET on The CW!

#legacies #theoriginals #thevampirediaries #tvd #kaylee bryant #josiesaltzman #siphoner #witch #gemini coven #lizzie&josie #saltzmantwins #salvatoreschool #mysticfalls #julieplec #thecw #queer

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tealenko · 3 years ago

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You know I can never get enough of Mass Effect what other fan fics do you have planned?

Oh... You don't know what you just did lol Let me grab my Mass Effect headcanon notebook ehehehe

I'll start from the beginning

Mio Shepard

Earthborn / Sole survivor / Infiltrator / Paragon

Blonde, green eyes, fair skin with freckles, taller than the average, hardly ever wears makeup

Used to dye her hair until she joined the Alliance, where she shaved it and let it grow blonde for the first time since she was a child (she looks a lot like her father and she doesn't feel worthy of neither the last name nor the resemblance until she joins the Alliance)

Parents: James and Hannah Shepard

Scars: Right leg and left shoulder (Akuze) A few in the stomach (gang days) upper lip and right eyebrow (during N7 training / Alliance missions before ME1)

Tattoos: left leg, on the calf (gang days tattoo) -> [In hell & heaven, In darkness & light, Our blood remains the same: RED], right arm (before ME1)-> [N7 symbol], right leg, on the calf (after ME3) -> [Alliance symbol, the 3 stars are replaced by the letters 'A' 'V' 'W' and on top of it there's another 3 'M' 'T' 'L' ](Anderson, Vancouver and Williams -> Inside the Alliance) (Mordin, Thane and Legion -> Outside the Alliance). Left forearm (inside) -> [Accepting another's path blinds you to alternatives] (During ME3, same time Vega is getting his N7 one)

Trinkets: his dad ring (wore it in a necklace until she joined the Alliance, then she put it with her tags) bracelet (from childhood friend - lost after ME1) ring from Kyle (gang lider), engagement and wedding ring (after ME3).

Nicknames

Angel (7-13 yo)

Lucy / Fall (13 - 17 yo) -> from fallen angel / lucifer (gang name)

Dee / Detroit (18 - Akuze / 23 yo)

Shepard / Shep (24 - ...)

Fun fact: She's only ever called Mio by 2 persons (her dad and Kaidan)

Meaningful relationships

Her dad

Thea, childhood friend

Kyle, in charge of the Tenth Street Reds

Shawn Smith aka Vancouver -> best friend from Alliance training to Akuze

David Anderson -> practically convinced her to join the Alliance (I wrote this when I was 14th lol, I know it's too cheesy but I kinda love it so it's staying)

Kaidan Alenko (... I mean... you had to see that one coming lol)

Garrus Vakarian (Best friend in ME1)

Thane Krios (Only reason my Shep didn't kill herself in ME2... but I'd like to also give a special mention to Legion and Mordin)

James Vega / Joker -> party buds

Victoria Alenko (Kaidan's mum) -> she ends up becoming like a second first mother to her

Aries Alenko (daughter, named after Thane -> Aries in Greek is pronunced Krios // My Shep missed her friend and Kaidan liked constellation names, so he came up with the idea for the name and she loved it)

Her story (I'll try to make it as short as I can lol)

Born in Detroit (Michigan / USA)

Her mother leaves when she's a baby (she doesn't remember her), she never hears from her in her entire life

Her dad raises her until she's 7yo, he dies in a car crash

Spends a few weeks in an orphanage until she decides to leave (being there was definetely worse than being on her own)

Does whatever she needs to survive for a while (stealing things for minor gangs mostly)

Meets Thea when she's 10 yo, she and her sister try to help her, she gets off the streets and lives with them for 2-3 years

Thea is killed because of Mio's old life, so she goes in a hunting spree and kills all the culprits (you can see why she gets along with Thane later on lol), first time killing someone at 14 yo

Almost dies doing it, is saved by Kyle (lider of the Reds in the area), he offers her a job.

He teaches her to fight, handle a gun, etc... With time she becames her right hand man (he falls a little for her, theyvboth know, but they don't say anything because for her he's just a friend)

He dies trying to protect her and so that she can abandon that life (gives her his "gang boss ring" right before it) 17 yo

Spends a year in between poorly paid jobs.

Saves a random person one day, Anderson sees it (that's how they met) and convinces her to apply for the Alliance

Meets Shawn first day of training -> He's so nervous that when she asks his name he anwers "Vancouver" thinking she asked about where is he from, he's about to freak out when he realises his mistake, but she laughs and answers "Detroit" and that's how the nicknames are born lol (everyone calls them that in the Alliance) They became best friends. (18 - 23yo)

Here it would go my Shep's relationship with my Ryder (but I'm going to save that for a future post)

Akuze happens, Shawn dies in her arms (aw my heart)

ME1 happens.

ME2 happens.

ME3 happens (Insert here my "Somebody that I Used to know" fic)

Insert here my "Don’t Leave me Behind" fic

Let's talk about shenko now

Finds him atractive when they met, but she doesn't give it a second though for a while

Starts to get interested in knowing more about him because he's from Vancouver (aw my heart)

Finds really amusing the fact that he blushes when she flirts with him, so she starts to do it in a regular basis

Falls into her own trap little by little and without even noticing

She starts to realise all she's exited about in between missions is going to talk to Kaidan

She's never had a feeling like this for anyone in her life, so at the beginning is quite overwhelming (sex, lots... a meaningful romantic relationship, never -> up until that moment she thinks she'd never find out what is like to have one)

Eventually she can't deny her feelings anymore, so she goes for it

Madly in love with Kaidan by the ending of ME1

He's the first thing she asks about to EVERYONE at the beginning of ME2

Stays pretty mad with Anderson for a while for not telling her nothing about him and not telling him she's alive

She has a bit of a drinking problem after Horizon (not directly because of Kaidan, as I explained before she understands how he feels... but because of the stress of the mission, thinking he would probably be death or worst, and feeling now even more alone than before) -> here's when Thane is key for her mental state (should've been Garrus, but I guess he was dealing with his own stuff in ME2 lol)

I always say that, in another timeline, where she hadn't meet Kaidan and Thane wasn't still mourning the death of her wife, is quite probable they would have fallen for each other... but giving the circumstances they meet, they end up having a lovely relationship based on friendship and a little bit of platonic love.

She writes a letter for Kaidan the night before the end of ME2, to be send by EDI in case she doesn't make it back. (She'll read part of it in her wedding votes T-T awww my heart)

For ME3 stuff, well, check my fics XD

The both left active service after ME3, but stay in the Alliance and also specters of the council. They focus more on reconstruction, stablishing relationships, etc. and they do it in both Alliance and Council space.

You better bet that Hacket is promoting her after the war btw... basically the Alliance creates the title "Commander Admiral" just for her lol -> also cheesy, but I still don't care

Almost everyone is surprised to see they keep the relationship after the war (thinking Kaidan is a "safe port in a storm" kind of relationship to Shepard... but oh my, how wrong they are)

Last time I wrote their wedding, they get married at the Normandy lol -> the wedding scene changes a lot with time, that's why I haven't writen it yet... The thing I know for sure is that Hackett is oficiating it, Garrus is her best men, Joker is Kaidan's, and that Wrex takes her to the altar (and she cries very hard when he offers after finding out it's a human tradition -> Wrex is the only "father like" figure left in her life... poor thing)

Mantains her last name but adds his to the mix: Mio Shepard Alenko

It takes her years to be pregnant, in fact (because of all the times she's been rebuilt) they kinda think and have accepted that she would never be, so it takes them by surprise.

Has a few complications because of her implants when she gives birth to Aries

Aries is just like her, fair skin and blonde wavy hair, but she has Kaidan's eyes

And I guess they live happily ever after (with a little bit of post traumatic stress here and there), The End

#fic list ask #ask away #mass effect #mass effect 2 #mass effect 3 #commander shepard #kaidan alenko #shenko #shepard x kaidan #fshenko #femshep x kaidan #headcanon #future fic

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poppy-in-the-woods · 4 years ago

Text

DOPEMAN Part 1 - Chapter 7

Tags: Explicit language, sex talk, sex in general, masturbation, use of sex toys, violence, fluids… not an accurate depiction of what being a cam girl actually is, and possible bad English (this text has not been proofread by an English native speaker, so it might contain spelling and grammar errors).

Word Count: 1873

Tag list: @whiteeroseeeeeee @triplexdoublex

Author’s note: I know it’s not Wednesday, but it’s a holiday tomorrow in Spain, so here’s my gift for you. Also, regarding the “violence” thing, nobody gets hit for real, buuuut I felt it was still worth of listing. Because what’s the point of having a character that knows karate if she never uses it, right?

Hope you like it.

On with the show!

Dopeman [21:10]: Finally! You haven’t logged in for two weeks, I was beginning to think that something had happened to you.

ArkAngel [21:10]: Sorry, I didn't want to worry you.

ArkAngel [21:10]: I had to think.

Dopeman [21:11]: Is it because of what I said?

ArkAngel [21:11]: Among other things, yes.

ArkAngel [21:11]: Were you serious? About breaking the rules for me.

Dopeman [21:12]: Yes.

ArkAngel [21:12]: Would you?

Dopeman [21:13]: No.

Dopeman [21:14]: I would like to, but I can't. For your safety and mine, you have to stay where you are. You said it yourself, remember? It's better this way.

ArkAngel [21:14]: I know.

ArkAngel [21:15]: Just...

Dopeman [21:15]: What?

ArkAngel [21:15]: I needed to hear you say it.

Dopeman [21:16]: Why do I feel like we're breaking up?

ArkAngel [21:16]: We are not breaking up.

ArkAngel [21:16]: But I needed to put a couple more bricks to the wall that separates my two lives.

ArkAngel [21:17]: So ask me to fuck something for you or leave.

[21:18] YOU HAVE RECEIVED 60 DOLLARS FROM DOPEMAN.

[21:19] YOU HAVE STARTED A VIDEO CALL WITH DOPEMAN.

“I'm angry and horny, so you'd better solve one of the two,” she warned him.

She was wearing a set of blue and white sports underwear that day, and she hadn't bothered to put on makeup. She'd gotten three new tattoos since they'd last spoken: a skull on the side of MEMENTO MORI, a flaming pentacle on the side of NON TIMEBO MALA, and a small key where she'd said might get the feather done. He could have commented something on that, but instead, Dopeman said:

“Do you wanna hit me, gorgeous?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed.

“Yeah? Do you hate me?”

"Yes, I hate you very much!"

“Hit me,” he urged her. “Bring over the punching bag or whatever and pretend it's me. Hit me!”

And she did. She dragged her punching bag up until it was within the frame of the camera and chained a series of punches.

“That's it, gorgeous! Take it all out.”

She kept hitting for a couple more minutes, until she was satisfied.

“Are you still angry?” He wanted to know.

“No.”

“Do you love me?”

“No,” she said coldly.

She was lying, and they both knew it.

“Do you wanna fuck me?”

“Yes.”

“Then fuck me,” he replied defiantly. “Come on, exercise your power over me.”

[21:29] YOU HAVE RECEIVED 70 DOLLARS FROM DOPEMAN.

He watched as she took the box with her toys out of its place, took out the dildo that he had christened Tommy Lewd and came out of frame. She removed the punching bag from outside and shifted the camera position to somewhere on the ground. She stuck the dildo on the floor and, after undressing and smearing it in lube, she began to ride it.

“That's it, gorgeous! Fuck me!”

“Dopeman! Shut up!” She yelled.

For the first time, he finished earlier, but she didn't stop until she reached her own orgasm. She covered her mouth to keep from crying out loud and arched her back as her hips jerked. When she looked back at the camera (at him) she smiled, a warm smile again.

“Wow, that was...”

“Spectacular. Like make-up sex,” he said.

“Yes. I have to go to the bathroom,” she replied.

“I’ll wait for you.”

ArkAngel rested her hands on the floor in front of her and lifted her hips, causing the dildo to pop out of her with a wet sound. After unsticking it off the ground, she stood up, and for a few minutes, Dopeman could only see a patch of ground and the foot of the punching bag. In the end, she picked up the camera from the ground and put it back on the tripod.

“Now that we've both had a release, I like your new tattoos,” he told her.

“Do you?” She asked, touching them lightly; they were still a little tender, but they were healing well. “My mother freaked out when she saw them, but what is she going to do? There is no turning back.”

“With all due respect: fuck your mother, they're great.”

“I'm glad you like them, because you paid for them,” she replied, smiling mischievously.

“Money well spent, then,” he laughed. “Don't ever do that again, okay? disappear like this,” he added, becoming serious again. “If you don't feel like it, or you're on your period, or whatever, just tell me. It's okay, I'll always respect it.”

“Yes. But you don't disappear without warning either, ever,” she said.

“I always let you know if I can't keep our appointment, you know that, and I'm gonna keep doing that,” he said.

“All right. I'm sorry I worried you,” she apologized.

“It’s forgotten. It came out of me along with the semen.”

“What a beautiful and dirty phrase,” she laughed.

“I have a gift for dirty poetry,” he joked. Then his cell phone began to ring. “Sorry, I have to take it.”

“Sure.”

Dopeman picked up the phone and paced the room. She still heard his voice, but from far away.

“Hello?” pause. “Yes, how much do you need?” Another pause “What the hell are you going to do with that? No, you better not tell me.” Pause again. “Yes, of course I can get it for you, who do you take me for? You'll have it there in an hour, two at the most. Start preparing the money.” He hung up and turned to the camera. “I'm sorry, ArkAngel, but I have to go.”

“Be careful,” she said. Whoever called him, that seemed like a job, and a big one, too. She couldn't help but worrying.

“I’m always careful. See you on Friday, gorgeous.”

[23:11] DOPEMAN HAS ENDED THE VIDEO CALL.

[23:11] DOPEMAN HAS DISCONNECTED.

[23:11] YOU HAVE DISCONNECTED.

Then there was a knock on her own door, although it could only be one person.

“Come in!”

“Have you reconciled?” Anne asked, entering.

“Yes.”

“It sounded like you were doing karate again,” she commented.

“No. I hit him and then I fucked him. Metaphorically, of course” Molly clarified when she saw that Anne didn't seem to understand her.

“Would you do that?” Anne asked, sitting up on the bed. “In real life, I mean.”

“No, I would never hit him without giving him a chance to defend himself. But I would challenge him to a boxing match.”

“You only did two years of boxing,” Anne scoffed.

"I remember the basics,” she replied.

“You wouldn't be able to reach his face,” laughed Anne.

“Better, I don't want to spoil his pretty face.”

“And then what?” Anne asked, amused.

“Then I'd take him to bed, and the less bruised of us would have to be on top.”

“That would be you,” said Anne categorically.

“Oh yeah? Why?”

“Because you wouldn't hold back, but he would.”

Normally, Wes didn't usually go on assignments alone, it was safer to go with CC, but this time, it had been The Chemist who had called him, and had expressly asked him to go alone. It favoured him that CC was with Mei in the other room, and that after that he was going to be KO for a while; and even though she would be awake, she wouldn't even notice that Wes wasn't there.

It took a little longer than expected to get the material, but he was still on time. The Chemist's daughter, a girl of twelve years old (or was it eleven?), opened the door. She was very quiet, always observing everything with her big eyes. They reminded Dopeman of the beads on an amber necklace he had once pawned.

“What are you going to do with this?” He asked, putting the bottle on the kitchen table, which was full of pages written with formulas that he did not understand.

“Fairy dust, Wes,” said the Chemist, not looking at him. It seemed like he hadn't slept for days.

“What’s that?”

“You'll see, if I'm successful.”

“Why did you want me to come alone?”

“We both know that in the Wes-CC duo, you are the brain,” replied the Chemist, looking at him at last. His eyes were bloodshot, which made him look insane; Wes took a step back. “He may now be more or less clean, but coke kills a lot of brain cells. He can't be trusted to keep a secret, and you know that better than anyone, don't you, Wes?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your girl, that cam girl you see yourself with every week. I didn’t get the name, but CC has been talking around.”

“She’s not my girl, she's just a cyber-hooker,” Wes said coldly.

“Whatever. I honestly do not care.”

“Well, you've got what you wanted, where's my money?”

“Oh yes, right!” Exclaimed the Chemist, pulling an envelope from the waistband of his pants and handing it to him. “There’s everything, you can count it.”

“No need. Have fun with your formulas,” he said by way of farewell.

“Wes!” The Chemist called him when he was leaving. “You are the only one I can trust to keep my secret.”

He nodded.

A force snapped CC out of his placid post-coital sleep by dragging him out of bed. Beside him, Mei also woke up.

“What the hell have you been doing?” Wes asked loudly.

“What are you talking about?” he asked in turn, sitting up.

“ArkAngel! Have you been talking about her?”

“No! Well, maybe I mentioned her a few times…” He admitted, embarrassed.

“Great! Great! I try to protect her and you go around giving everything away.”

"I just mentioned she existed!” He exclaimed defensively. “It's not that bad, is it?”

“You've put her in danger, CC,” Wes said. “You know there are people here who are dedicated to cybercrime. Tar Pit or anyone else could hire someone to locate her via her IP address or some shit like that and then what? What do you think they would do with that information? Call her parents? No, CC, they would screw up her life. They could kidnap her to get an advantage over me! Over us!”

“And who would want to get an advantage over us, Wes?” Asked CC. “We're a couple of half-ass dealers. Nobody cares about us, not even the cops consider us a threat enough to pay attention to us.”

“But we know things! Someone might want information.”

“Man, if it bothers you so much, I won't talk about the cam girl anymore, okay? But stop fucking with me.”

“Mei takes care of that,” Wes said acidly. “And you, if you tell someone about this, I will destroy your life,” he added in Mei’s direction.

“I can keep secrets,” the girl replied.

Dopeman [01:13]: Do you use a VPN? If not, you should install a good one right now.

ArkAngel [9:35]: The page has end-to-end encryption, but yes, I use a VPN. And not a cheap one precisely, so don't worry about that.

Dopeman [10:40]: Thank goodness.

ArkAngel [10:40]: Is something wrong?

Dopeman [10:41]: No, everything is fine. I just… I want you to be safe. We were watching a cybercrime show last night and it struck me.

ArkAngel [10:41]: You shouldn't watch crime shows before going to sleep.

Dopeman [10:41]: Lesson learned.

#dopeman #poppy writes #mgk fanfic #machine gun kelly

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forceawake-moved · 5 years ago

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it's like.. i went thru a lot of acne treatments since i was like 11/12 until like.. 17... and they worked a little but my acne was a tough bitch... she always came back.. Anyway the thing that really Did It was isotretinoin of course. i was very good after i finished that treatment but i didn't pick up a skincare routine after it.. i had another big acne breakout at 18 mostly due to me starting to wear makeup every day and picking on my skin etc. but this time i couldn't go to a dermatologist bc of reasons so i just. did my best to break out of my Need to wear makeup everyday and my dermatillomania, and i did it! and after that i still didn't pick up any skincare routine other than just washing my face and the occasional (very rare really) face mask or something

#i feel like the last part sounds like im saying 'if u put your mind to it you can get rid of acne!' akshsksjsk #and like. thats not what im trying to say but that last time it really did feel like my Mind did all the work sksjdksn #its about learning to be comfortable with my skin and not being obsessed with achieving an unrealistic 'perfect' skin and all that u know #🌼.txt

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softhourswithru · 6 years ago

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Délavé -OSH fanfic

1•2•3•?

Sehun x Reader -College bad boy and motorcycle sehun-

Moodboard made by @wolveswithblackpearls (it’s absolutely amazing thank you💕)

“You never listened to me, you never will."

11:50

Délavé....délavé....the word was swarming up your mind, as you continued reading the book.You were at the library waiting for your 'boyfriend' to come and join you so you guys can go out, the library was always your place to meet up. While waiting you had picked up a book to read.You and your boyfriend had started to date ever since you got into college, back then Sehun was....normal even though you hated saying that because it made sehun seem abnormal where as he isn’t. He was always with you and both of your group of friends that you both met at the start of college, until one day he just stopped, he went out with those you don't even feel uncomfortable around, sehun would usually do things that would make you feel uncomfortable just for the ‘fun’ of it, you felt like a toy, he never listened to you, he never will, now you don't even know him. Your a nobody to him , yet you got this opportunity to finally get him out of his friends and join you for a date.

You still had hope.

...hope.

01:35 pm

Crushed. That's how you felt. You had been stood up by your own boyfriend, the library closes at 4 and it was 1:35 so you decided to go home and trying to forget what has happened, you started walking out in the rain to your apartment as you didn’t bring much money because sehun was supposed to be your transport home. You didn't care if your mascara was running, you didn't care if you were soaking wet. Hope is useless and stupid. Love is useless and stupid. Sehun is useless and stupid.

You carried on walking until you met a familiar door of your apartment, you got in dropping everything on the floor and straight going into the shower. The water comforted you and embraced you with warmth unlike the rain crushing down onto you leaving wounds.You got out and dressed up in a hoodie and tights and got yourself in bed. You didn't bother doing anything else, but just to drown yourself in your sorrow but that didn't happened, as you felt vibrations from you phone notifying you of a text message.

_sehun_:sorry I missed our date, I got held back cuz of friends. Ly tho x

Friends.....really?Friends. You gulped down and that same track of thoughts came back again, sehun isn't sehun, and you were just a mere toy to him. Was I not good enough? Was I a bad girlfriend?Did i say anything? You shaken those thoughts away you had enough and when its enough for you, then its fucking enough you had deleted every memory of Sehun away from your phone keeping your broken feelings trapped some where isolated. You were done with his bullshit .

17/11/18

It's been a whole week, you went college and came home did your work and just slept. You ignored every notification or call from everybody, you weren't bothered. It was Saturday and all you wanted to do was to go on Netflix and eat, you didn't really think anyone would come. So you carried on with your day until you heard the door open. No one had your keys, or so you thought you went to go and see who came and came to see a familiar face that you hated with all your guts.

Sehun...

"What are you doing here?" Looking up to him, he looked confused back.

He chuckled "what do you mean 'what are you doing here' am I not your boyfriend?"

You looked up at him with your eyebrows raised. "Am done with your bullshit sehun, just get the fuck out" you didn't have the energy to go all out him.

"Baby come on, stop talking shit..look there's this party today wear something-" you cut him off "sexy? You wish, and am not talking shit so I suggest that you get the fuck out of here because I am done with you".

Sehun frowned "oh really?" "Yes really" you mocked back.

"I've done everything for you yet yo-" "excuse me what? What everything, what bullshit everything because this whole relationship was just me. Fucking me sehun because I was the one trying while your ass went off doing bullshit. You left me you left all of us. You never listened to me, you never will now please for God sake get out " you pointed at the door. Sehun was mad and you could see it, he threw your spare house keys somewhere in your room and marched off and slammed the door, your heart was beating loudly and fast, at least you got rid of him but not fully.

24/11/18

“Y/N OH SO HELP ME I WILL DRAG YOU TO THIS PARTY IN YOUR PJS IF YOU DON’T” your best friend called out, you chuckled you planned this day to be just you and y/bf/n going out to eat, but she had other plans she wanted to go to the party that jimin had invited her to. Y/bf/n fully knew that you had left sehun like a few days ago but she couldn’t give a shit, apparently you had to get some new ‘adventure’ which made you laugh.

You don’t mind going to parties but not ALL the time “fine but don’t leave me there all alone and sneaking off to suck jimins face off” you joked, y/bf/n gave you a short fake laugh “yh yh I won't leave ya virgin ass” you laughed back knowing well that she is going to leave you all alone in a crowd of random people.

Both of you started to get dressed, while y/bf/n chose a skin-tight dress you, on the other hand, chose ripped skinny jeans with a black shirt under-tucked finishing it with a black leather jacket. Your hair was curled with little makeup consisting eye liner, mascara and gloss.Y/bf/n was driving, when the both of you arrived you both got out and checked the place out, you weren’t surprised when you saw some big ass mansion, jimin had rich parents so he was technically a spoiled kid but never acted like one. Most of the time.

When getting in, you both went to a bar you didn’t want to get drunk as how you will be driving back to your apartment dragging y/bf/n behind you, so really most the time here you will be doing is just chilling out and probably eavesdropping hearing the new gossip, most of it was about the hook ups in college and what not exams and stuff when the two girls beside you began on to the next topic someone had came towards you. Jongin.

“whats up shorty, hows life without sehun?” Jongin was smirking at you, you’d replied dully “better but still the same” you didn’t bother looking at jongin knowing that it will piss you off even more.

“You lost most of your reputation breaking up with our No.1 biker” you scoffed “as if I ever cared about reputation when I was around you shitheads” Jongin made you face him his eyebrows furrowed “shitheads?”

You pushed your face away and rolled your eyes “and what the fuck do you mean bike? sehun never owned a motorcycle” jongin barked a laugh “God he didn’t tell you, I shouldn’t be fucking surprised and I supposed you know he has been fucking around with seoyeon” jongin came face to face with you.

“What’s your fucking problem jongin?” you were more than irritated “I'm trying to see if you still love biker boy” “you should know the damn answer, you really think i broke up with him for jokes.” you suddenly felt uncomfortable and out of place where you currently were, jongins voice went deep “really, well look over there” you sighed out of irritation and looked over where jongin was looking.

There was seoyeon kissing sehun holding onto him as if her life depended on it. You gasped, paralyzed at that moment, you were nudged a few times finally, you looked at what jongin gave you, a glass full of alcohol “do it y/n” you looked at jongin, seeing that he himself wanted something as well. Revenge.

You toke the glass from his hands and stalked towards the couple, sehun pushed seoyeon off of him when he noticed your presence he smirked at you, you smiled back then immediately splashing the cold drink in sehuns face and throwing the glass onto the floor, making it smash into thousands of fragmented little pieces. Everyone stared at you, but you couldn’t care less and walked out of the party towards y/bf/n car.

Before you got in the car someone had called your name.

23:04

________________________________________________________________

i decided to post this early, because i felt bad not posting, this is the first part of this new fanfic!

i hope you like this new fanfic please like and support!

i think everyone knows who called y/n and y/bf/n means your best friends name- sorry for those who didnt know :p

love-A💕

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kaylasvent · 2 years ago

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My life and gender dysphoria

This is my first time really venting about my body and my feelings about life. Growing up I knew I was different. I knew something wasn't right and I never really felt comfortable. I was around a 4 or 5 when I tried on girl shoes in my sisters closet and it made me feel pretty. At that moment I knew something wasn't right and I never really told my parents at a young age because I didn't know what was wrong with me. Fast forward at age 7 or 8 and I remember one Christmas. We all had a family get together on Christmas night at my uncles house. And I just remember my cousin got this cute pink princess set thingy with a mirror and I watched her as she did her makeup and it made me jealous because I knew I wasn't a boy and something isn't right. I also remember my mom painted my nails one day and I liked it. Then a couple days later I went to go hang out with my supposely friends down the street. That day they were bullying me/picking on me for having my nails painted and it really hurt my feelings. It even got so bad that they would bully me more and even beat up my bike that I used to ride around the neighborhood on. But luckily I had a friend down the street that was my only guy friend. And his mom knew my mom so that was good.

When I was in 5th grade my mother sadly passed away while I was sleeping and she was being rushed to the hospital. I remember my sister woke me up and there was a lot of random stuff on the ground. My sister took me to my cousins house and I didn't know what was going on until my aunt got the phone call and told me that my mother had passed and I started crying and I felt like my life was starting to go to shit. That year she died I remember getting on her computer and making a YouTube channel and that was my way of coping with depression and playing video games.

Middle school started to start and I was trying to fit in with the other people. But nothing really went well in middle school. Still was getting bullied in 8th grade and this is when I started hitting puberty and my hair was short and I started to get masculine features to my face and acne. I hated how I looked.

Highschool. Freshmen/Sophmore year I remember I started to grow my hair out and was going more for a emo/scene style. and those years were pretty much bleh with self hatred, and depression, heartaches. Junior year I would start to listen to extremely heavy metal genres like Deathcore, Metalcore, etc.

Around 17 and 18 I started dressing like a female but would hide it from the world. My senior year I started discovering what trans was and started watching YouTubers and was trying to find out who I am. I remember days towards the end of my high school year. I would start wearing women clothes underneath my guy clothes and it made me feel more feminine and I really loved it. After I graduated I started coming out to my sisters friend. She was the first one I told that I am trans. I ended up telling my sister and things went okay but then when I went to the doctor one day I asked my doctor about horomone's and he said he doesn't do horomone stuff and I wasn't sure how the ask him. After my check up at the doctors I remember getting back in my sisters car and she yelled at me and starting insulting me with words. Not sure if she meant it. But she does have Bipolar. After that I started feeling trapped and I didn't know what to do. I felt like I had to be a guy to please other peoples happiness. When it was just hurting me, making me hate my life and the world. For the past 6 years I've gained a lot of weight because of depression and unmotivation.

4 years ago I met some friends on Fortnite that at least made me feel loved. I really never had real friends. So I thank them for being by my side and making me feel at least some happiness with life. Without them I probably wouldn't even be here today. So thank you guys! I love you! You guys mean the world to me even though we have our ups and downs and we all fight and get mad at each other over dumb stuff.

At 24. I decided to finally put my foot down and not care what anyone thinks. I came out to my dad and my sister is some what okay with it but they are still kinda transphobic, homophobic in a way. But I don't care. I am happier now even though some nights I lay in my room and have thoughts in my head and it makes me cry because of my body image and me being to masculine and not having breast. I am starting to make steps. I am starting to call a doctor for horomone's and I am kinda nervous. But I do hope everything goes well for my future and I am proud of finally coming out and being who I am today! <3

Also sorry If I suck at explaining all my feelings in this post. I kinda suck at explaining my feelings to people. :/ I will be adding more later.

-Kayla

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gothic-gnosis · 3 years ago

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wanna hear something awful?

so. one of the worst fever dreams i have is that judas and i are in highschool. its a recurring dream, i constantly have it, its almost a nightmare now. when he and i met, i was 16 going on 17, he'd just turned 18, we never went to highschool together, i would've been barely a junior in highschool. he probably would've been graduated, he never even went to highschool at all, actually. his family was worried he'd be going to school with people of color, and he was dating a middle eastern/native american girl.. wow. anyways. the dream is this:

i wake up in the morning in a room that isn't mine. its got led lights, torn tapestries, my dog's there. i sit up, i take a hit off a vape, i get dressed for school. i never do this now, but in the height of my speed distortions, i wouldnt take my makeup off before bed to save time, so i just rubbed more black shit into my eyes and went to school, i walked even though ive never walked to school once in my life. im wearing rlly baggy pants, almost like tripp pants, im wearing a crop top and converse, literal 17 year old marten fit. judas doesn't show up to my first or second period, im taking bio and art. i come out for break and judas is talking to a group of people about soundcloud. hes got freshly lightened roots and ash toned hair. hes wearing that ugly ass grey wife beater and the matching grey hoodie from the thrift. theyre talking about how good his microphone is and how he always sounds great with vocal fry. he sees me and he smiles and starts walking away from them . he tells me he wants to skip, so i leave school with him .

hes walking with me, telling me about how his tumblr and his twitter are blowing up since releasing new music online. i ask him why he still uses tumblr in 2018. he tells me he just likes being able to use html like its myspace. we go into his room, lined with cheap ass leds, no lock on the door. paint stained hardwood floors with that shitty dictionary page baby pink wall hes always had. he sits at his pic, with a anime tiddy mouse pad, with a print out of crywanks face pasted on, he printed it at the library. he shows me different htmls he made, his recent creation is one with cherry blossom leaves falling, he changes the colors to his liking, going from fuchsia to forest green. he turns to me and tells me we can match and that he shares his htmls with nobody, he shows me how he coded his tumblr to play music when you open it. he opens soundcloud and tells me about his analytics and how he hopes a record label picks him up one day.

he hands me a coke and we start heading back to school. he tells me im pretty and that he wants a future with me, he rambles about cats and his friends and talks shit about people online. he tells me stories and shows me all of his vulnerability. hes talking at me but not to me, not wanting responses but only to be listened to. but never listening to me, i sit silent and soak in everything he says.

i miss him until i wake up.

sometimes i do wish i could look at his pale, sulken face and see that same 18 year old kid who told me he'd never hurt me. i miss the sweet boy who told me he'd make sure id be happy forever, who made me feel like nothing bad could ever happen until he became the bad thing that happened. i miss being vulnerable and feeling safe immediately after. i miss feeling safe enough to bare everything . i miss wanting to be alive.

then i remember the three days i spent sobbing over a boy who didn't care if i killed myself. i remember the three days id planned on video chatting him all day and instead id cut myself and sobbed and called suicide hotline 62 times and cried in front of the screen im writing this very post on. i remember how i came back to school, to kaycee and david and dale. and i was completely broken.

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f0rsaken-dreams · 3 years ago

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I posted 533 times in 2021

72 posts created (14%)

461 posts reblogged (86%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 6.4 posts.

I added 453 tags in 2021

#tv - 74 posts

#shows - 69 posts

#movies - 62 posts

#personal - 59 posts

#yellowjackets - 40 posts

#yellowjackets showtime - 31 posts

#jackie taylor - 30 posts

#ask me - 30 posts

#misty quigley - 29 posts

#shauna shipman - 29 posts

Longest Tag: 44 characters

#i've heard this so many times over the years

My Top Posts in 2021

Taken a few months back, but still a good photo.

As you can see I wasn't wearing makeup and to be honest, I couldn't tell you the last time I did. I have always been a homebody, but when Covid hit, it started to get worse. Plus I was and am a stay-at-home mom. Going out wasn't a need of mine nor did I really find it joyful to go out.

Most of the time I just spent it all at home. Playing video games and taking care of my kids. My oldest is now 8 years old and my youngest is almost 2.

I didn't really have energy before and now I certainly don't have any. It's rare that you'll see me dressed up or wearing make-up anymore.

3 notes • Posted 2021-12-21 18:32:21 GMT

I don’t think Van is dead.

3 notes • Posted 2021-12-27 18:11:41 GMT

TBH: Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City was a good movie as maybe a stand alone film; but, not as the representation of RE 1 & 2. They got a few small details correct, but then there were moments where I had to double check to make sure I was watching Resident Evil. The only thing I really liked was the zombie dog. Sadly, the climax lasted an all of maybe 3 minutes. I was very disappointed.

4 notes • Posted 2021-12-23 17:22:26 GMT

Just a few things I've noticed.

1. Pit girl is wearing the heart neckless that Jackie gave to Shauna.

--Shauna gave it back to Jackie. But I don't think pit girl is Jackie.

2. Lottie was medicated for having premonitions?

--She ran out. Now her ability is heightened.

3. Opening scene, we see someone wearing pink converse. Looks like it could Van's build, but Van is seen wearing a pair of white sneakers with black stripes earlier on.

4. They eventually split into two groups.

--Taissa, Nat, Shauna, and Misty ?

--Lottie, Van, Laura Lee ?

5. Tai is seen eating dirt. But doesn't remember doing it..

6. We know Travis didn't commit Suicide.

--Last Note?: "Tell Nat she was Right" What was she right about?

7. Shauna becomes the butcher.

8. AQ appears to be pregnant in some leaked photos/trailers.

--could be Shuana.

9. Callie was born in 2004. She isn't the baby.

10. Something is off about Adam...the timing is off with him showing up shortly after the girls receive the postcards. Is he the blackmailer? Or involved somehow?

--Shauna didn't receive one? Or she's lying about it.

11. Shauna wears black/burgundy looking converse. She isn't the pink converse.

12. What did Shauna do to Nat? There is some strong hostility towards each other.

13. Misty is involved somehow with what is going on in present day.

14. Taissa is the woman in the tree.

15. Kevyn has to know more than he's leading on.

16. I don't think Jeff is having an affair. He may be involved in the blackmail somehow.

17. Jackie survived at least until the year 2000.

--Doodles in her journal suggest this.

18. Why does Misty drug the reporter (Jessica Roberts)?

19. Why do the Taylor's refer to Callie as being a "special child"?

--could she be Jackie's biological daughter? Is Shauna just raising her? (this is a theory that I seen someone post on reddit)

20. Something doesn't seem right about the following characters in present day.

See the full post

13 notes • Posted 2021-12-20 19:36:16 GMT

You know Coach Ben is just putting on a show for Misty. He is scared for his life after she chopped off his leg and tried to poison him. He's just keeping her happy.

18 notes • Posted 2021-12-20 19:56:45 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #personal

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booksandteaaremylife · 6 years ago

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I wouldn't necessarily blame the makeup industry. Yes it can be extremely messed up and yes the industry can cause problems. But, that being said, the makeup industry can also help women and men and everyone inbetween or outside find their inner beauty.

I didn't start actually wearing makeup until I was 17-18, it gave me a new sense of confidence. Even when I wasn't wearing makeup. It was fun and a nice way to start the day. Primping yourself and making yourself feel good.

I have friends who use makeup as an artistic outlet. As drag queens, make up artist or just playing around with their own faces.

In regards to the four year old, thats utterly heartbreaking. Of course a four year old shouldn't be wearing makeup but that isn't the industries fault. The blame falls on the parents for nurturing and helping growth that child's confidence and self love.

Everyone has the right to do whatever they wish with their bodies.

not to be all “the makeup industry is evil” but I have a 4 year old student who wears makeup a lot because she says she’s not pretty without it and needs it to look pretty. her mom lets her and even took her to sephora to buy her her own makeup. she’s 4. she should be worried about playing pretend and running outside and having fun and instead she’s had multiple breakdowns because she puts on too much lipstick or eyeliner and it smudges off.

anyway, fuck the makeup industry and fuck parents who teach their daughters that they have no worth or beauty if they don’t have it because of their own insecurities

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artistlove17 · 5 years ago

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Ya'll know I never once worried if I was pretty or even thought about how people looked as a child (despite looking at my child photos now and thinking I was the cutest damn kid). I never gave a shit and I don't think anyone else did either until a certain age, people are taught and trained by other people to care about what we look like... people wouldn't give a fuck what other people look like if things like this didn't happen... 👇👇👇

My first self conscious experience was in 4th grade when 3 girls cornered me in the bathroom and 2 of them started telling me I HAD to wear a bra and that it was "gross" for me to be walking around "flaunting" myself without a bra on... I was in 4th fucking grade!! I didn't even really know what a bra was yet and I had only JUST started showing those weird cone boobs that every girl gets when they first start showing. I was like 9-10 years old.... and here were 2 girls who were a year older than me making fun of me and making me extremely self conscious. I went back to the classroom and put my jacket on and just dealt with being hot until I got home.

Then I changed schools in 5th grade. And all of the girls were getting into shaving their legs. I didn't care. I didn't give a fuck. My mom hadn't taught me how to shave or let me have a razor or anything so I had never even thought about it; until these 2 girls sitting in a group with me during a project zoned in on my unshaven legs and told me that it was gross and that I needed to start shaving them. I was 10-11.... who the fuck did I need to shave my legs for!? What fucking 10 or 11 year old child should be worried about having smooth, shaven legs!?!? I should be worried about getting snack at recess and giving my mom my report card.... not if my legs are "smooth and sexy."

Then I go on to 6th grade at a whole new school in a whole new state. At this point I am much more self conscious but I'm still not into boys and don't care how people look... I was just afraid of being judged again. I was bleaching my hair blond all the time and always made sure to do my makeup for school. I was 11-12 years old... and worried about looking pretty. 😤🤦‍♀️ I should have been able to worry about studying and playing with my siblings when I got home and hanging out with my school friends on the weekend.... but I was 11 and worried about looking pretty so people wouldn't judge me. (Which they obviously did anyway).

Then I hit 7th grade. Over the summer between 6th and 7th grade my mother had to take me bra shopping because I had grown 2 whole cup sizes in those couple months. I was now in a C cup. And I got on the bus the first day back to school... I was sexually harrassed by guys way older than me. I was 12, going into 7th fucking grade. And I get on the bus to all of the 17-18 year old high school boys whistling and making comments about my body... I was 12!!! They were 5-6 years older than me... I was a CHILD, they were almost grown ass adults!! But they thought it was ok to tell me all the nasty, vile shit they wanted to do to me... a fucking 12 year old!

Then in 8th grade all of my friends started pressuring me to get a boyfriend. I was 13. More self conscious now than ever, I was constantly dying my hair all kinds of colors and wore a lot of black shirts and tight pants. I had no interest in dating, all I cared about was reading books and making art and getting good grades. But all my friends had boyfriends.... and pushed and pushed and pushed until I got one too. I lost my first kiss to a guy who ended up calling me fat in front of the entire class (at which his own friends called him an asshole). And at the school dance I just wanted to hang out with my friends and enjoy myself but he forced me into a circle of his basketball team members and then grabbed me and shoved his tongue down my throat...

In 9th grade I walked into the cafeteria and had a guy call out to me (in front of the entire table of people sitting there) and say "Hey, you're the girl with the nice tits!" I was 14...

I ended up with my first actual wanted and serious boyfriend at this point though. And everything kind of changed. I actually fell in love and actually enjoyed a relationship. And I actually started to not give a fuck about peoples judgement anymore because he loved me no matter what... didn't care what I wore, didn't care if I did my makeup, didn't care if I had on nice clothes or if my boobs or ass looked good... he liked when I showed up in sweatpants and a hoodie and said I looked cute and comfy.

5 and a half years later and we're engaged. 💍💍 And I wear what I want and do or don't do my hair if I feel like it. He doesn't care if I shave my legs or my armpits and is totally down with me not wearing a bra. Having that one person to retell me that I don't have to care and that I don't have to listen to societal bullshit... made me do what I actually wanted and be comfortable doing it. You're damn right I finished high school in tights and tshirts and went to college in hoodies and sweatpants and pajamas. 👏✌

My mom wanted me to be a child. To enjoy childhood and do things children were supposed to do. But then I go to school and get harrassed and bullied into being self conscious. Other kids (who were probably bullied or had a bad home life themselves) told me how I should look and what I should do to be considered "normal."

But that shit is NOT normal. An 11 year old child should NOT be worried about looking pretty or sexy for her fucking peers... children shouldn't be worried or thinking about shit like that. They should be allowed to be CHILDREN! Fuck the shit society pushes on CHILDREN... it's disgusting and I won't ever let my children feel the way that I grew up feeling.

girls who used dress up games as an escape mechanism to feel pretty and good about themselves because they were made to feel ugly and unattractive growing up club

#society #social media #social anxiety #people #kide #children #school #boyfriends #body image #self esteem #self care #self love #self conscious #self compassion #self confidence #letkidsbekids #childrenshouldenjoybeingchildren

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