#I didn't know whether to post this or not but yeah
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I didn't want to derail my own post in a reblog but @rabnerd28 got what I was trying to convey, so I'm gonna go off about it for a sec
I don't know what the writers will do with them, snw is Unexpected when it comes to the writing, but I think they certainly are cooking with the right ingredients because:
exhibit a
exhibit b
exhibit c (this is a quote by paul wesley)
exhibit d (this is a quote by ethan peck)
exhibit e (these two quotes are by paul wesley)
exhibit f (this is ethan peck)
I don't know, I might be wrong but I think they have a good foundation and I hope they don't waste it
#I didn't know whether to post this or not but yeah#people are hating on paul wesley and I'm crying and nodding at all his descriptions of jim idk if I'm delulu or what#star trek#star trek snw#strange new worlds#spirk#james t kirk#jim kirk#spock#s'chn t'gai spock#k/s#paul wesley#ethan peck#long post#luly rambles
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i'm going to scream i got accused of being a transmisogynist by someone on twitter because of this specific part of my t4t steddie art
#ramble#the thing is 99.9% of people thought it was VERY funny#i've had 1 person genuinely have a problem with it and it was because i kept eddie transmasc#basically they were upset because i didn't make them both transfemme bc i just. didn't want to#twitter hasn't learned that not everything is for you and if you don't like something you don't have to interact with it#and just because you don't like something that doesn't mean it's Bad#and also sometimes queer things aren't made to be understood by everyone#it was specifically because they thought it made them into 'just another straight couple'#as if that isn't a MASSIVE erasure of trans people's queerness#trans people in m/f relationships doesn't make them any less queer or somehow inferior to gay relationships#it boiled down to 'but you could've made them lesbians :((' YEAH BUT I DIDN'T#idk it was just absolutely infuriating trying to defend myself without saying 'idk what the fuck you want from me at this point'#anyway transfemme stevie is very big on twt but i didn't know whether to post it here or not#but i might if people want to see it because i love it a lot#twitter would die if they saw the olden days when we called them genderbends and there wasn't any trans content at all
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redraw (light mode users try clicking it! dark mode users there's a solid version below)
My favorite tags from @borealiszero that gave me the strength to finish this
#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#secretive plotter#art tag#ink#i wanted to draw the Plotter crying but i realized that with the silhouette i. i didn't know where his eyes were#but anyways yeah it's a lot easier to get the image i want digitally#especially that border#very important#it's implied in the original post but i felt like drawing it traditionally would make it stand out too much.#the original drawing is smaller than my palm. no room for details really#i was wondering whether i should have one of his claws reaching beyond the border but just his elbow is enough#the file name for this is 'holy elbow' because of that and because the origin of the light rays is the white hand's elbow.#as for who the white hand is#well they're drawing him out. you can interpret that sentence in a number of ways#but they're definitely not a part of his canvas. not drawn in the same ink. but their presence or lack thereof is felt#and maybe by his reaching for that person he begins to fill the empty space in their world#maybe by becoming a constellation they can share space on the canvas with him#lightbox trick
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Remember how I made this post (a continuation of this thought) about how Wei Wuxian never visiting the ancestral hall post-fall of Lotus Pier was probably because the next thing he wanted to tell the former Jiang leaders was also the last thing he wanted to say to them: that he was officially leaving? Well, after deep-diving into this, I wonder if I'd actually unintentionally hit the nail on the head and that Wei Wuxian avoiding the ancestral hall was a sign that he had actually already emotionally checked out of viewing himself as a part of the Jiang sect once he fulfilled the debt pressed on him by Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu.
I mean, the man in the three months after the fall of Jiang Clan sacrificed his golden core to the next heir, liberated Lotus Pier, and successfully wrought vengeance against the Wen who killed them. Everything after that—attending the conferences Jiang Cheng needs him to, showing off the might of the clan during competitions, etc. etc.—feels like him just going through the motions in an attempt to get his thoughts to align with his actions, to fool himself into being alright. But the fact that he could never quite work up the desire to step foot into the ancestral hall to honor his martial ancestors until his second life? Sounds like his attempts at acceptance proved unsuccessful until he experienced the true support of the loved ones in his second life.
#mdzs#human metas mxtx#like if you really think about it#post-sacrifice wwx in the immediate aftermath of escaping the burial mounds#does not go to seek out jc or the sunshot campaign#he *heard* the jiang siblings were fine and decided that it didn't matter whether they knew if *he* was fine or not#he doesn't even seem particularly happy to be reunited with jc again#jc appears to be the only one actually joyful about this reunion#that 'as long as i'm back' from wwx feels particularly... detached in the face of that joy#so yeah i think the signs of the break were already there#once you know the reason why he's acting like this
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@ anon there's a reason i've been trusted with information in the past and it's the same reason i cannot directly answer your messages -- but the scene being described did not exist
#anonymous#replies#it was unclear from the tweets whether they were claiming to have seen such a scene being filmed or to have seen it in a script#but it's bs either way#either the person on twitter was told a lie by the locations tour guy and believes it#or the person on twitter made it up and is clout chasing#honestly 90% of the stuff people pass around about the pre-covid finale on here is a complete fabrication to begin with#but i can't prove that without proving *how* i know and because i don't want to burn any bridges i just have to go 🤷🏻♂️#but what i can say is that there is NO WAY that this random tour guide who apparently worked occasionally as metatron's stand in#and occasionally as a background extra#had access to the full script of the series finale -- either pre or post covid#like... they aren't printing out scripts for all the people in the background at the pie festival#you know who gets scripts? people with lines#and honestly if you've only got one or two lines you're probably just getting sides#so yeah this story is just flat out nonsense#is it possible there was a super early version of things that included something other than what i was aware of? of course!#there are a zillion versions of every outline and script ever that's how tv writing works#but in terms of timelines re: what i know about and what is being claimed here....... deeply implausible imo#is it possible that i was lied to and am working with faulty information? ehhh maybe but again seems unlikely#mostly because there's no reason for that person to have lied to me about this -- i wasn't digging for info in the first place#and they didn't stand to gain anything by lying#anyway believe what you want but every rumor should always be taken with a huge grain of salt#especially when those rumors serve to benefit someone
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not me popping back on here with a post after months of semi-inactivity (uni is being a bitch) just to reiterate how much i love writing the pahkitew island cast.
aside from sammy and amy (obviously), literally everyone else can be shipped with one another and it'd make sense to some degree, like it takes skill to create a group of people so inherently shippable (platonically and/or romantically) and ofc the writers didn't know it they just shoved a bunch of random ppl together and dusted their hands off on it but fr tho 😭
(yeah im planning out my leonave 'stranger things inspired' au, and the gears are turning, and i forgot just how much i love writing for this dumbass group)
(i swear im working on the next chapter of a guide to surviving the apocalypse too)
#no but i've way too many ideas lmaoo#i forgot ive a whole longass post in my drafts dedicated to ramblings abt this longfic and i came across it today ahaha#like amy leading a manhunt for leonard bc shes got everyone to think he killed her sister (who she didn't even like much smh)#and topher's one of the ppl involved and when shawn hears he's like “topher? yeah i can handle him dw” (possible tophawn minor pairing??)#and leonard's abt to get the equivalent of being burnt at the stake literally#when guess who shows up in a fucking mercedes of all cars#fucking dave#and he helps leonard escape narrowly by driving fast af and leonard's so confused bc like “i thought you'd be with those guys”#and get this: dave doesnt believe leonard killed sammy bc of his vehement belief that leonard doesn't know magic LMAOOO#and leonard doesnt know whether to be affronted or grudgingly thankful bc if it wasn't for dave's desire for everything to be normal#leonard would have been part of the witch trials 2.0#and idk who's watched st but the plot is somewhat inspired by it#like shawn goes missing first and dave as his best friend is panicking abt it (in this one axel is shawns cousin???)#and then when they find him at last the weird deaths start leading to leonard finding sammy dead and this whole situation#and theres a whole different world underneath them and its up to leonard dave ella and sky to team up and prevent certain destruction#and theres slowburn leonave (with pining leonard and oblivious dave)#and leonard lives with his uncle whos understanding of his passions (unlike his dad who basically gave him away for the same reason)#and leonard's life is total opppsite from dave's#and they both know it#and omgggg this au has been a brainrot for so goddamn long#but idk why i just got a slew of ideas for it today#and like dave stays over at leonards at one point and leonard gives him his bed (like a gentleman)#and the next morning shawn barges in like “wheres my best friend” bc ever since he was taken he's been v paranoid abt losing the ppl he lov#and he hugs dave and daves like “how dirty are you rn” and shawns like “nothing yet i waited so that i can hug you when i see your dumb ass#and everyones like abt dave to leonard “idk if he's the right one for you”#but then later on dave saves his life by going a little bit unhinged classic dave-style#and ends up scaring a nurse and receptionist into retiring early#total drama#td leonard#td dave
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Typing Tips That I Stumbled Upon Randomly:
The Ctrl key lets you jump between words really quickly. If you hold Ctrl and press the left or right arrow keys, instead of moving your cursor 1 character you'll move it a whole word; if you want to edit that word that's 3 words back, you can just hold Ctrl and left-left-left, and you're there.
Even more useful in my opinion, if you hold Ctrl and press Backspace you'll delete the entire word you're on. That's just really nifty because a lot of the time when you're deleting you want to delete the whole word, so this is much faster.
Also, idk how well-known this is but holding Shift and moving your cursor will make you highlight any characters you move over. That's useful on its own, but combining that with Ctrl lets you quickly highlight whole words or sentences, so you can easily copy+paste them. You can also hold Shift to edit any selections you made with your mouse or something.
Also it took me too long to realize that the Home and End keys are actually really nice sometimes. Home takes you to the start of the line you're on, and End takes you to the end. Hold Shift while doing that and you can highlight the whole line. Very nice for programming. Also holding Ctrl and pressing Home or End takes you to the top or bottom of the page, but I barely use that.
A similarly useful key that I also overlooked is the Delete key. It's like the Backspace key, but it deletes the character in front of your cursor instead of behind it. Just like with Backspace Ctrl+Delete lets you delete a whole word in front of your cursor.
Also Ctrl+A lets you highlight the whole page.
Also even when you're not typing and instead just browsing a web page or something, you still technically have a cursor; if you click a piece of text, then hold Shift and press the arrow keys, you'll start highlighting text.
Practice Exercise: Click on the t in this word, then hold Shift and press left and right on the arrow keys! Now try holding Ctrl+Shift while you press the arrow keys! Hold Shift and press Home or End! Hold Shift and use your mouse to left-click on different spots in the paragraph and see how your selection changes!
#original#i had to use microsoft excel for the first time today and it SUCKED i had NO IDEA how to do ANYTHING#and i though “this is probably so much easier if you know the keyboard shortcuts”#and then i realized how much Secret Knowledge i have that make typing and stuff way easier#so i figured it would be nice to make sure my followers can also make typing faster and easier#also i wrote the practice exercise before realizing that most people use tumblr mobile lol#also there's some weird details that i didn't include#ctrl+backspace only deletes the part of the word that's behind the cursor#so if you're in the middle of a word it will only delete part of it#also ctrl+arrow keys sometimes doesn't skip a whole word#like with apostrophes like in “you're” sometimes it will stop at the apostrophe#depends on the text editor you're using#like on my favorite text app Notepad ctrl+arrows will always move past the whole word without stopping#except it DOES stop at hyphens like “ha-ha” but idk whether hyphenated words are technically separate words#oh FUCK yeah i spelled separate correctly without even slowing down or thinking about it! i'm learning!#it'd be really funny if all this stuff is just common knowledge and i posted the equivalent of “dark souls tip: attacks deal damage”
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Last Rites
Also on ao3
Queen Valerin knows she only has seconds to live. The pain spreading across her chest is unmistakable, icy death drawing near. Her body hits the floor with a jolt.
And all she can hear is screams.
The panic reminds her of the look on Ballister’s face as the sword unfurled. As if he didn’t know what was happening. As if he didn’t even know the weapon was there.
It’s an expression she is certain only she had glimpsed.
“He wouldn’t do this,” she rasped, her lips struggling to move. “Ballister’s innocent.”
Staring down at her, the Director nods.
“I know.”
#yeah Bal has no way to learn about the Queen's last words sorry not sorry#I genuinely didn't know whether to flag this as major character death on ao3 bc I mean technically#Queen Valerin adored Ballister and treated him like her own son I will fight you on this#nimona#drabble#fanfiction#fanfic#original post#no this is not the Nimona fic I said I'd write that one is still cooking
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This drawing's like a year old but I still think about it a lot. That painterly style was fun! kinda
#soda draws#the context for this was the whole 'oh hey i know that model!' and then the fucking.#yeah you know the rest#also a whole 'deer in the headlights' thing because. yknow.#i drew Ghost for the first time 14 days after this! and then didn't fucking stOPP#*smashes head into car dashboard* you are getting more of my lore whether you like it or not#Instagram isn't letting me copy the image ID so sorry if there's any discrepancies! though i doubt you've seen this on insta#since i'm on a kick about simonposting apparently why the fuck not post my old shit
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sometimes i wish my brain would pick One Subject and just do what i ask it to when i ask it to but alas at least im finally putting more into my doc for the Krissy post.
#you know the post i was supposed to make weeks ago? about kristina and how her decisions are#A. reasonable and understandable and B. she's not a terrible irredeemable monster and C. she clearly does care for wille#and and and and#anywho#yeah#i haven't started really writing it i guess bc i mostly haven't figured out HOW yet#still trying to decide whether to just let my thoughts flow or if i want to do the more structured version#which is like. 1. the action. 2. why that action literally makes sense. 3. how this action literally doesn't make her a terrible person.#4. maybe something she could have done instead of what she did but why she probably didn't#idk that one seems more coherent but also like a loooot of work#shh ac
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hey a couple of things
1. glad people are seeing this bc his death deserves to be discussed and mourned
2. the use of "black bodies" rather than lives/people/etc has come up a couple of times and i would like to state for the record that this post was made by a black person. you can still be upset about/uncomfortable with that phrasing (and as a white person myself i'm in no position to judge it) but it is the language that a leftist black person who cares about and is engaged with this issue chose to use and felt comfortable using
wasn't able to find any posts about him on here but
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More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)
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#anyway i continue to Lavellan post because i did some stuff and I'm tired now anyway. thinking about the beginning of the game and#how he's mostly leaning into the herald bullshit because he thinks it'll help him belong here and make people like him and how#devastatingly it's going to hit him after in your heart shall burn (I'm basically leaning into it as much as#possible without establishing him as faithful since it's more difficult to make Leliana pope that way but in my head#he took every 'yeah I'm herald I'm heralding so much andraste right now' option besides one with cass and one with Leliana)#like. he doesn't even really believe it but most people either like hearing it or if they react negatively it's in a way that still#acknowledges him as in charge so he'll roll with that. but then. everything in YHTB happens and it's just like. Oh. Oh Shit. like#it was this mix of bullshitting for fun and saying what people wanted to hear and kind of believing that maybe he was chosen by#Something at least. and like. it's not like he didn't do anything on his own or at least without any special abilities but then#The classic seeing all that be swept aside. realizing how this is going to be remembered because it's already happening. maybe#he should have known that the second he was asked if there was room for more among his gods.#but then. what do you expect. his first memory is being discarded (that's not entirely what it was but that's how his child brain#precessed it) and practically going feral because of it and then. having So Much catching up to do when it came to. basically every#aspect of being a person#and like. he was accepted along with Rella but that still gets to you. especially since. sure he didn't fully understand what it means to#be pitied but he could still recognize that from others. could still want to prove he was Better Than That. could still want to shatter tha#sheet of glass between himself and seemingly everyone else (even Rella to be honest. if only because she almost left him behind too). how#would he not lean into being seen as something special. whether he fully believed the narrative others were spinning or not#i dunno i see a lot of people talking about their Lavellan pushing back against the narrative from the start but i kind of like the#idea of going along with it. thinking it won't get that far and surely he can correct it if it does. he's in charge after all. right? only#to get hit harder than an avalanche by the realization that he's not in control after all. he can direct as many forces as he wants#but he can't change how he'll be remembered. how he's already being remembered. and he contributed to it too? i dunno his specific#combination of pride and insecurity and need to just Belong. to just belong as himself. is. compelling#If anyone is reading this Ive seen posts about all Lavellans having the same personality but no one's elaborated? am i just doing that?#i actually want to know. you know. assuming anyone is reading this.#i dunno just thinking about his continuous need to prove himself for so many reasons (partially because of Rella too since#yeah Rella is a mage but not the first or anything. she's just there because people knew she had nowhere else to go). okay I'll shut up now#but yeah what is this Standard Lavellan Personality i keep hearing about?#original posts#but like. something something he's being discarded again but he understands it this time and he can't fight it and just
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Halloween AU!!!
hey so. i put SOOOOO much effort into this au and for what? at least it ended up looking cool? anyways Halloween is my favorite holiday and i just HAD to make something for them!
i had a LOT of ideas for what everyone would be, but i really wanted to stick to a certain theme cause it's based around Halloween. i knew i had to have a vampire, werewolf, and a witch. cause like... obviously. iconic Halloween stuff!! but i took some liberties with everyone else and i think they turned out pretty cool!!
Jason was originally a fox shifter (which i still love and might draw art for some day) but i went with a bear in the end. is that because i thought about tiny bear cub Jaybin and wanted to cry? yeah. yeah it is. i KNEW Steph was going to be my werewolf though i started doubting myself when i went to draw her. turned out to be my favorite drawing on here which makes sense cause she is my light my love my daughter my will to live and all that jazz
Tim was actually gonna be a harpy but thank god i didn't go for that in the end. Duke was the one that was a bitch and a half trying to figure out BUT!! comments on the post asking what y'all thought led me towards Psychic so THANK YOUUUU everybody that commented!! (specifically those who thought of ghost!! Duke and Tim ended up being a perfect duo in this au)
Babs was pretty easy to figure out what I wanted for her. I read somewhere that they are seen as protectors of forests/ are considered spiritual authority figures and also.... she looks cool as fuck. Did not expect how easy it was to find a ref for a deer in a wheelchair though? I can never find the right hand or face angle reference but that was super easy???
For Bruce there was literally no question he HAD to be human. it's literally so funny that everyone who knows Batman thinks he's a spooky vampire but he's human. his first son, however?????? THAT'S the vampire. I knew Dick had to be a vampire too. A little nod towards that one comic run but in my au nothing bad happens ever 🥰 Damian also being a bat shifter is very on purpose because how funny is it that he's a bat man. Literally not a single person in the League thinks that Bruce is telling the truth about being human. Bruce you are NOT beating the secretly a vampire allegations.
adding in Jay's hilarious joke it's so fucking funny:
Alfred is actually a demon. I CAN NOT remember who made this post so if someone can help me find it, it would be appreciated!! because this was inspired by them!!! but somewhere i saw someone talk about Alfred being a demon that Thomas and Martha made a deal with (i think it was for an au idea?) and I just HAD to put it here. Alfred looks so human and everyone expects it, but he's definitely not. I put the ??? because it's so fucking funny. see if you can spot the 1 hint i put on his drawing that something is amiss!!
Peter is from an alternate dimension still, but it is not a world of creatures like him, it's just the same as LoF canon except Peter grew some extra limbs and eyes. He finds that it's actually pretty easy to fit in with the Waynes. Hard to feel like a freak when a guy can turn into a fucking bear, or your dad is a vampire, and the teenagers in the family are trying to summon ghosts or make potions.
additional doodles for this au:
i am still debating whether i am going to draw something for this au or write a oneshot, but i DO want to do something with these for Halloween
#(putting a hypnosis thingmabob in front of you)#oooooo you don't notice i forgot peter's tooth gap in the character design sheets#oooooo#you're getting veryyy sleepy and so you don't notice#listen he was the last one i drew and i worked on this for 9 hours#halloween au#halloween#erinwantstowrite#ao3#ao3 fanfic#leap of faith ao3#peter parker#leap of faith catch me if you can#leap of faith#thank you for the ask!#dick grayson#bruce wayne#jason todd#tim drake#steph brown#cassandra cain#duke thomas#babs gordon#damian wayne#alfred pennyworth#batfamily#batfam#art#character design#character illustration
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good lird they did not make a gimmick blog about a real life murder
#someone fucking DIED but whatever who gives a shit it's funny i guess
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🥚 eggvidenced Follow
honestly with how suspicious and confusing everything on the dl-6 case was i wouldn't be surprised if it came out that it was that prosecutor guy tbh
🌟 rockliker270 Follow
date posted: june 23, 2010
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⚖️ courtofpublicopinions Follow
🌟 rockliker270 Follow
ok hear me out. what abt winston payne though
🧊 just--ice Follow
okay now they're just making lawyers up
#also didn't mvk die or something?
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🔥 triedbyfire Follow
why the fuck are you people still posting about the gavinners as if theyre not copaganda. didn't the guitarist get convicted of murder
🎸 guiltiest-lovers837 Follow
so fucking tired of this "um um didn't daryan get convicted of murder" YEAH AND HE'S LITERALLY NOT IN THE FUCKING BAND ANYMORE. dipshit
🔥 triedbyfire Follow
are you gonna address the copaganda thing or
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🌻 attorneybout Follow
he's so. 😳
📂 trialanderror Follow
why is he defending
📂 trialanderror Follow
OP WHY IS HE DEFENDING???
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🦈 giantlakemonsters Follow
i just wanna hear about another gourdy sighting thats all
🥜 liberdeez Follow
op. i'm so sorry op. gourdy isn't real you have to let her go. they had a whole trial about it.
🔐 wrightorwrong Follow
hi!! so this isn't actually the case as while gourdy was briefly mentioned in a trial, said trial had nothing to do with whether or not gourdy was "real" per se as much as. well. murder, actually. while gourdy WAS found out to be an inflatable steel samurai this was not brought up in the case at all as the veracity of gourdy wasn't really as relevant as the fact that the witness was looking for gourdy rather than at the murder she claimed to have seen. plus this was also a relatively small part of a MUCH larger trial which for those interested not only solved the dl-6 case but ALSO marked the end of prosecutor von karma's ~40 year long record and the court records are really a fascinating read through!!
🦀 mad_libz_87 Follow
net 0 information post
#thanks again lawblr
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🍒 cherriescoola Follow
btw i was at the park the other day and klavier gavin (of gavinners fame) was there and obv there was a huge crowd but this guy was there with him and at some point he (the other guy) waved to the crowd and someone still screamed like it was klavier??? who was that guy ive never seen him before in my life
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🩸 has-dl6-been-solved-yet Follow
December 28, 2016
YES!!!
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🪙 tellerlikeitis Follow
guys help i'm a bank teller and this guy just introduced himself as robin banks what do i do
🔪 violencekilling Follow
you gotta let him rob you that's the law
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👻 ghostesswiththemostest Follow
look if i ever get convicted of murder im just hiring the lawyer with the coolest sounding name
💼 courtofwaw Follow
bestie if you already got convicted it is Too Late
62,193 notes
📋 lawandwhoreder Follow
guys i know it's real fun to think people just can predict whatever but if you look at the earliest reblogs of that post that "guessed" the true killer in the dl-6 case it was actually a post about how they didn't want to go to the store. clearly edited
#stg nobody bothers to factcheck anything anymore
7,293 notes
🐺 lawnewolf Follow
i am NOT homophobic or whatever the fuck you guys are saying now i just think its weird to write fanfiction about realass people?? go touch grass ffs
🌈 lawsbian Follow
the fun police (this guy) putting me in yaoi court but the lawyers (phoenix witrght and miles edgeworth) just keep trying to make out (real court is like this too btw)
🐺 lawnewolf Follow
YOU HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.
#look idc what your enemies to lovers fic bullshit says #they're straight. and more importantly REAL PEOPLE. #there's TENSION because they are in COURT and there are LIVES on the LINE. #not because they wanna fuck. god.
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🔮 inhighspirits Follow
why dont they just ask the spirit mediums to ask the victims who killed them this law shit is easy
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💞 lawveyourself Follow
seriously i cant believe they gave this guy a law degree
💞 lawveyourself Follow
what do you mean evidence fraud
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🎧 instrumentalillness Follow
fuck you *unguilties your love*
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🎀 copiicat Follow
perjury isnt illegal btw in fact if youre one of tge witnesses youre legally required to lie on the stand. thats why everyone does it. trust me
#ace attorney#ace attorney spoilers#dashboard simulator#dash simulator#dashboard sim#dash sim#unreality#fake dashboard#fake dash#post simulator#long post#average day on lawblr i think#'op what is the timeframe for this' not applicable people reblog 10 year old posts on here all the time /lh#but sometime after turnabout serenade.#'isn't one of these urls a real blog' yeah she wanted to be included /lh
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#tag talk#every time I see a “celibacy” post I have to restrain myself from reblogging it to be like “yeah but not me”#because like. duh. I know how fruitless and dumb it is to constantly feel the need to point out that I'm not part of the generalized group#but like. idk. what happened to the sex positivity and ambivalence where no one gave a shit whether you were out fucking or not#feels similar to when people are like “body positivity died five years ago”.#like. I get that a new generation is on tumblr but like... damn there's so much self criticism for shit that doesn't matter#found someone who's lowkey autistic like me and was like “yo we could be having platonic sex” and if I didn't have covid rn we would#like. if you want it.. go out and get it. obvs if you want romantic attraction and social chemistry too then it's way harder#so you gotta be out looking for that shit because it's not just gonna find you prolly.#but like. idk. it's just sex. can we please chill out about it?
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The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.
I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.
And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!
We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.
There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.
Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.
Except...
I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.
I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.
The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.
Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".
There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.
And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.
His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.
I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.
That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.
I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.
Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.
Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.
If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.
It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.
I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.
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