#I didn’t have to break the bank for this one so I’m pretty happy it’s in near perfect condition

[reno2005]

Since I’m collecting all of these books, my next target was the OG 4 soundtrack book. As far as I know this is the best way to get nearly every song for the game legitimately.

It’s pretty cool. It features artwork of characters and enemies alongside the songs that plays for them(or any related songs) and includes some thoughts from what I can tell is the composer. It is in Japanese, and as I’ve stated before I am not fluent, so I’m working with google translate and what little I know about Japanese stuff.

Most of the pictures are more along the promotional type but they are pretty cool and there’s some I’ve never seen before, which I always love discovering since I love collecting pictures as much as I do taking them.

[roostersbby69]

0.8 | For old times sake

Summary: Bradley hasn’t gotten any action with his wife. They didn’t have kids, not because of their jobs, but because she just didn’t want to anymore. Bradley had a very high sex drive, and his maid that his wife hired might just give him a memory refresh of how good sex is.

Pairing:Bradley Bradshaw x maid!reader

For old times sake masterlist. Full masterlist.

After this weeks fiasco, Bradley was in desperate need of a break. He needed something to relax him.

So he went to his only solution, The Hard Deck.

-

Phoenix was throwing darts with Coyote and Fritz when Bradley walked towards them with a beer in his hand.

“Hey, there’s my favorite girl friend.” She said as she threw a dart towards the target.

Bradley rolled his eyes and hid his smile to himself. Even on his worst days, Phoenix always found a way to cheer him up.

“Nice to see you too.” He muttered and took a swig of his beer.

“Where’s your maid?” Hangman popped up to his side and asked.

“None of your business.”

“Oh, come on, we hit it off the other night.” Hangman raised his arms and dropped them down to his sides.

Bradley was not pleased by this, he shouldn’t be talking about you like that, hell, he shouldn’t even be looking at you.

“Come on, Rooster. throw some darts with me.” Phoenix turned to him and handed him a dart from her hand.

Bradley took it and stood beside her.

“So, how’s the wife?” She asked as she reared back and let go of the dart, sending it straight to the target.

Bradley sighed, he didn’t even want to think about her right now. He didn’t want to ruin his mood, “Not good.”

“How come?” She asked, Phoenix knew very well what went on in their relationship and how he was treated.

“I think shes seeing someone behind my back.”

Phoenix almost choked on air at his statement, “Really?”.

“Yeah, really.” Bradley nodded and threw a dart.

“What makes you think that?”

“I saw her phone, some random number was texting her. And I got Y/n to help me figure out who it is.”

“Wait,” she turned to him, “you got your maid in on this?”

Bradley sighed, yes, it sounded awful, “Yeah, I didn’t mean to. It just happened, she knew how to trace stuff like that.”

Phoenix nodded and grabbed another dart off of the table, “And, how did that go?”

“Shes gotten pretty damn close.”

“Elaborate.” Phoenix said as she and Bradley walked to the target to collect all of the thrown darts.

“She figured out that the number that has been texting Isabelle is a local bank number.” He said as he plucked darts out.

“Damn, she is good.” Phoenix muttered, “So, what are you going to do?”

Bradley sighed, “I don’t know.”

“I like this Y/n girl. What’s she like?”

He looked up as if caught in a daze and let all of the air out of his lungs, “She’s smart, cute, sweet, independent, she uses this detergent on my laundry that every time I smell it I just think about her, its like shes stuck in my brain.” He felt terrible talking about you like this when he’s a married man.

“She sounds great, maybe shes the one for you.”

“Nat.” He warned as he walked back to the table and dropped the darts back into the basket.

“I’m serious, you ever think that you deserve someone who makes you happy? And this girl really sounds like she’s good for you.”

Bradley sat down and placed his head in his hands, “I can’t do this, I can’t be this person.”

“Why not? Just confront Isabelle then take it slow with Y/n.”

“There’s a problem.” Bradley slowly looked up to her nervously.

“Uh oh.” She widened her eyes and braced herself, “What?”

Bradley sheepishly looked down and played with his fingers nervously.

“Shut the fuck up,” she gasped which made him look up at her, “You fucked her? You fucked the maid!”

“Lower your voice,” he hushed her, “No, I haven’t fucked her.” Not yet.

“You kissed her.” She kept playing the guessing game.

“No, I sort of ate her out.” He mumbled as he rubbed his neck and leaned back in his chair.

“No you didn’t.” She smirked and laughed.

“Mhm,” he closed his eyes and held up two fingers, “Twice.”

Nat looked like she was going to faint, her eyes were wide, her eyebrows were raised, her face was red from shock and she looked amused.

“You’re a dead man, Bradshaw.” She tsked and shook her head.

“Yeah, I keep hearing that.”

-

Bradley had realized he had been at the hard deck for a long time when he checked his phone and realized it was 4:25.

He hurried into his bronco and hurried home when he caught a glimpse of of a sign that read, JP Morgans citi-bank.

He swerved into the parking lot and drove through each row, trying to find Isabelles car.

He sighed and rested his head on the steering wheel.

Just as he picked it up, a white SUV caught his eye.

He turned to the left and in his side mirror he saw his wife and a random man practically eating each others face against the wall.

Every thought ran through Bradleys head right now, he wanted to drive his precious bronco into them and call it a day. But instead, he drove off and made his way home with one thought on his mind.

You.

-

Today you had on some tiny, baby pink shorts with a skin tight, white, tank top on. You hummed as you folded the blankets on the couch and fixed the hideous decorative pillows.

You hated that you let yourself inside their house without them home, but Mr. Bradshaw did tell you that there was a key hidden under the door mat after last times incident.

But here you were, cleaning with the house to yourself.

That was, until Bradley pulled into the driveway and you heard him locking the bronco.

He rushed inside apologizing for being late and took his shoes off.

“That’s ok, I just decided to come in and do my job. I hope thats okay.”

He admired you for a second, in your skimpy outfit, your hair that was pulled up in a clip, your white painted toes, the pink gloss on your lips, it was all too much for him.

He stepped forward until his chest touched yours and he had to look down at you. You peered up at him with doe eyes and batted your eyelashes, “Is something wrong?”

He said nothing as he grabbed our face and leaned down to capture your lips with his. Your lipgloss tasted like strawberries as his tongue darted out and licked your bottom lip, pulling it in between his teeth.

His hand came down to your ass and squeezed the flesh between his fingers.

Your lips smacked against each others as your tongues tangled together and he backed you up to a wall.

You gasped as his cold hands came under your shirt and onto your belly, rubbing it softly.

He dove back down and shoved his tongue into your mouth, causing you to moan and close your eyes.

Your hands came to his hair and tugged to pull him as close as possible to you.

He could feel your hard nipples through your tank top pressing against him which was sent down to his dick as made it twitch.

You had an incredible rack, one that he couldn’t stop staring at every time you walked past him or cleaned the windows.

He gripped your hips and hoisted you up too carry you down the hallway towards his bedroom. Once he made it there he turned you around and pressed you against the door, closing it. He pushed his body against yours and you could feel his dick pressing against your core.

You could already tell he was big by the way it reached from your thigh to the top of your pussy.

It wouldn’t be different, you weren’t a virgin and had been with guys in college and in high school. Not that it was many guys, just two.

You sighed when his lips found your neck and sucked lightly, pulling the skin between his teeth.

Your fingers laced through his hair and you held onto his broad shoulders as he held you without a struggle.

He turned the two of you around to lay you down on the bed softly while he caressed your sides.

Bradley leaned back and realized what was happening, he was kissing another woman while his wife kissed another man.

He remembered she could be home any minute, so that’s a why he locked the door on the way in. He quickly removed your shorts and panties, tossing them to the side out of his way.

Bradley tapped the side of your thigh, “Turn around, sugar.”

You obeyed and turned over, doggy style, and let him put you in the position he wanted you in.

He pushed down between your shoulders to set you face down ass up and spread your legs for him.

Bradley got on his knees until he was face to face with your pussy and licked a long stripe up your pussy, groaning at the taste of you, he took the tip of his tongue and toyed with your entrance.

You moaned and shoved your face into the soft duvet while he shoved his tongue inside you and you felt his nose against your ass.

He let go and grabbed both of your ass cheeks and kneaded them while he licked your pussy and sucked on your clit softly.

Listening to you whine, he sucked harder and pulled on your clit until it released from his lips and returned back to its place inside your pussy lips.

“Fuck!” You groaned as he dove back into you and his nose pushed against your entrance.

He sat back up and smacked your ass, roughly, and rubbed the spot where a red handprint flamed on the globe of your ass.

“Turn over.” He said as he grabbed your hips and roughly spinned you to get on your back.

You bit your lip as you gave him your best innocent looking eyes as he stared down at you with hunger.

His veins pulsed, as did his dick, and he brought his hands down to remove his shirt to reveal his abs and delicious arms.

You brought your foot up to rub his six pack and watched as he grabbed it and brought it up to kiss your ankle and drape it over his shoulder, casually.

“Say my name.” He growled.

“Mr. Bradshaw.” You whined.

“No,” he let do of your leg and leaned down to your ear where he licked your jaw and kissed it before whispering in your ear, “Say my name.”

“Bradley.” You moaned and nuzzled your face into his neck.

He leaned back and undid his belt, “Good girl.”

He placed it to the side and undid his pants and let them drop to the ground, he pulled you up by your arms, gently, and placed your small hands on the front of his boxers.

You looked up at him as you pulled them off of him and blinked as his thick cock sprang out of his boxers and waved in front of your face.

God, he was huge. You wondered why his wife never wanted to sleep with him because shes the luckiest girl on earth. You’d be sleeping with him every second if you could.

His red tip was throbbing in your face and the veins curled around his thick length, small white beads of precum dripped down onto your thighs as he stood in all his glory in front of you.

You stuck your tongue out and kitten licked his tip, collecting the cum on it, and staring into his dark eyes.

“Fuck.” He hissed and gripped your hair as you sucked on his cock softly teasing him.

He shoved you back onto the bed and removed your tank top to reveal a pink sports bra, he grabbed it and pulled it over your head to watch your tits bounce out of it.

“Fuck you’re so hot.” He grabbed one and played with it as he kissed the other. You moaned and held his head there while he sucked on your nipple, pulling it between his teeth until it was peaked.

“Please, Mr. Bradshaw, please fuck me.” You moaned, helplessly.

He smirked and spread your legs open, he grabbed his dick and rubbed it between your pussy lips, collecting your wetness and pushing his tip into you.

He watched as he stretched you out and your walls hugged his dick tightly.

“Holy shit, you’re so damn tight.” He groaned and tried his best not to bust right then, “Fuck.”

You moaned as he slid all the way inside of you until he was balls deep.

You whined and squirmed, trying to get him to fuck the daylights out of you. You had been waiting for this, for him.

His large arms came under your knees as he held them wide open and started to snap his hips into you.

“Fuck!” You almost screamed as the head of his cock rammed into your cervix immediately finding that sweet spot inside of you.

“Shit!” He threw his head back and thrusted into you with all he had. It had been so long since he had sex with anyone, and damn did you show him how much he missed it.

“Fuck!” You flailed your arms out and gripped the sheets tightly between your fingers.

He threw your legs over his shoulders and brought both arms up to your perfect tits and grabbed them like handles as he fucked you.

You could hear the sound of skin slapping together as he snapped his hips forcefully into you.

He fucked the shit out of you, like he had been wanting to.

He pulled out and heard the suctioning noise of your pussy longing for him to fill you up and turned you over doggy style for him.

He placed his cock on your entrance and stopped, “Tell me how much you want me.”

“Please, please, please fuck me! Please, Mr. Bradshaw. You have such a big dick.” You moaned into the bed as the cool air hit your pussy.

He shoved himself deep into you, finding a new angle, and started to thrust into you. He watched as your ass jiggled for him with each thrust and the clapping noise was louder now at this position.

“Fuck.” He groaned and gripped your ass cheeks in each hand, pulling you back onto him.

You moaned with each thrust and leaned back up when it got too much, only for him to shove you back down and slap your ass.

“Nuh huh, I’ve been waiting for this for too damn long.” He said as he kept thrusting into you with so much force you became dizzy.

“God, I’m gonna cum!” You warned him as he kept his brutal pace on your poor pussy.

“Good girl, cum for me.” He encouraged you as he kept hitting that spot inside of you, “Say my name, baby.”

“Fuck Bradley!” You screamed as you felt your stomach tightening and Bradley spilling his load inside of you, filling you to the brim.

You felt your thighs shake as a warm liquid poured out of you as you orgasmed, coating the bed and the two of you.

He slowed his pace and rode you through your high, “Shit.” He hissed as he finished cumming and watched as you whined on the bed.

He gave your ass another small smack as he pulled out and watched his cum leak out of you.

He brought his finger up to collect it and push it back into you and watched as your pussy sucked it all up.

You flopped onto the bed and he flopped down beside you with a content sigh, “That was amazing.”

“Yeah, let’s just hope your wife doesn’t find out.”

“I could care less.” He shrugged and smirked to himself.

—————————————————————

Part 9

Authors note: AHHHH. It happened! They freaky little things. ;)

Thank yall so much for the love! Yall are my inspiration <333

Lmk in the comments what you think!

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[lozchi]

I was looking around and I was wondering. What if Taehun had a loser girlfriend who's literally the complete opposite of him. Like she's wayyy nicer then him (too nice), probably a push over, and not that smart. But she's the comfort he wants ykyk I'M SORRY I'M THAT LOSER GF I JS WANT A MAN LIKE TAEHOON

Dummy!

A/N: worry not, anon. I'm that loser GF too. 😭 This'll be shorter than my usual, forgive me. I loved writing this so much though. 🫀🥹

Pairing: Taehoon Seong x F!Reader

Themes: reader being an idiot. if you're familiar with my writing, there is always swearing.

To some, it’s baffling how one could fall for Taehoon Seong out of all people. He’s a pretty guy with captivating eyes and graceful movements, nghhh~ he's undeniably irresistible, isn't he? Every girl around him would think the same, swooning left and right due to his insane visuals -- Tsk! He's gorgeous! And you weren’t any different. In fact, you were his biggest simp.

It was a curious pairing, to say the least—Mr. Bad Boy and Miss Too-Good-For-Your-Own-Good.

Taehoon strode into the room with the kind of attitude that made people step aside. His arrogance and aggression were palpable. “Do I look like a fuckin’ bank to ya? I ain’t lending 7000, got it? Now scram before I beat the shit outta ya.”

You, on the other hand, were the epitome of kindness and generosity. “Sure! You can borrow 200,000 won from me! Just pay it as soon as you can!” Yeah, incredibly dumb too, unfortunately.

Taehoon had an uncanny ability to read people like an open book. “You think I’m stupid enough to fall for that?” He’d snap, seeing through deceptions with ease.

Meanwhile, “Always happy to help!” You remained blissfully unaware of how people took advantage of you.

Taehoon lived by his own rules, always favoring his own brand of logic. “I’m doing this my way. It’s more efficient.” he would declare, unyielding in his methods.

And then there was you, grappling with concepts that seemed beyond your grasp. “Fuck this shit, I don’t understand a thing!”

“It’s math.” He'd say, almost bemused.

“I hate it.” you’d retort, your frustration evident.

“Those are just numbers.” he would explain.

“Fuck numbers, bruh!” you’d respond, exasperated.

“USE THE THEOREMS, GOD DAMN IT!”

“WHAT THEOREMS!?!” you’d cry out in desperation.

In physical prowess, he was unmatched, while you... Uhh... “How many more laps? It’s been ages!” you’d complain during your grueling training sessions.

“It’s been 5 fucking minutes, y/n,” he’d respond, barely breaking a sweat.

You were expressive, a fucking drama queen. While he remained, well, Taehoon.

When you’d proclaim, “I love you!” your heart on your sleeve, he’d respond with a gruff, “Of course I feel the same, dummy.”

A small injury would elicit your dramatic reaction: “Ouch! That stings!” while he’d barely bat an eye and say, “Be careful next time, you dimwit.”

You might sob over a movie, your emotions spilled out loud, and he’d- “Boooo. 0 stars. Too many plot holes. ”

Sometimes, vulnerability hits you, “Ugly crying in my bed right now,” and he’d cut through the sadness with an - “Alright, who the fuck hurt you?”

Happiness flowed from you like a river when you were with him. “I’m so happy when I’m with you~” To which he’d retort, “Same-- Ugh! Will you wipe that grin off?”

When you voiced how something hurt you, he’d reply bluntly, “Sometimes we just have to suck it up.”

“Can’t you be a little more sensitive?” But he'd always try. “I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from.”

And in the wake of betrayal, you’d lament, “Aughh, I just didn’t expect her to backstab me like that, I’m so stupid!” He’d offer a rough kind of comfort, “Want me to kick her in the ass?”

But beneath all these differences—your gentleness against his toughness, your warmth melting through his cold exterior—there was balance.

There was love.

There was harmony.

If it wasn’t already clear, he needed you just as much as you needed him.

From time to time, Taehoon shows his vulnerable side. You have to remember, he's just a human being and he can't always keep up his tough guy persona.

He grapples with uncertainties, worried that without caution, he could distance himself from you and ultimately be left alone.

He carries a burden of past mistakes that weighs heavily on his shoulders. It's an injury he seldom recognizes, yet it impacts all his decisions in a subtle way.

The thought of his previous mistakes coming back to trouble him and harming his loved ones worries him deeply.

However, despite feeling clearly insecure, Taehoon, being Taehoon, decides to never address it openly.

These ideas, though, are simply possibilities. He always puts in the effort to avoid making mistakes.

You understand there’s more beneath the surface and always offer him gentle reassurance.

“Taehoon, you’re here now, and that’s what matters. I’m with you, no matter what.”

In his own way, he cherishes the balance you bring to his life.

After all, even a bad boy needs a good girl to keep him grounded.

As you look at him, with all his imperfections and flaws, you smile and say, “I love you.”

And he looks back at you with a rare, genuine smile and replies, “Yeah, I love you too, dummy.”

[gothamite-rambler]

Wayne Family Thanksgiving

Context: Open invitation, Bruce Wayne, Thanksgiving, this is going to be fun.

Barbara and her father, Jim Gordon, exchanged light-hearted banter as they enjoyed Thanksgiving at Wayne Manor. Years had passed since Jim uncovered Batman's true identity, and he remained surprisingly open to the numerous revelations that followed.

Barbara (curious): Dad, I've always wondered—before you figured out Batman was Bruce, was there anything that hinted he might be rich?

Jim (casually): Well, when he crashed into things and handed me cash for repairs, I started to wonder how a man in a black batsuit could cover the damages, especially since it was the exact amount I needed—sometimes even a little over. I thought he was just anti-bank at first, but there were little signs I noticed even before I figured out you were Batgirl.

Barbara (focusing on one point): So he bribed you when he crashed into… stuff?

Jim: Fire hydrants, other cars, poles, even the precinct at times. If it wasn't a car crash, the fights he had with criminals led to extensive damage that I wasn't about to let go. It was less bribing and more invoices. And then there was the Bat-Signal. It took the first Boy Wonder to get Bruce to pay me the rest for that.

Dick smiled while eating.

Cass (intrigued): Was it just him causing the damage, or did his Robins play a part in that as well?

Jim (chuckling, nodding): His first son did a lot of damage, too, but his second son? Not so much. Jason was actually apologetic at times, even when he cursed me out.

Jason: It felt weird walking away after breaking something. Pretty sure my life before being adopted played a part in that. I hate cops, but I'm not an asshole.

Bruce (angry tone): Shut up. Just shut up.

Jason chuckled, amused at how annoyed Bruce was by the mention of his past.

Jim: Don't be too harsh, Bruce. You were the adult at the time, and I had my reservations about the times you made them drive because you were ‘too injured’ to do it yourself. Have you ever seen a nine-year-old drive a stick shift? It was adorable, but it also made me worried.

Dick (blushing happy): I was adorable and could drive? Aww, thanks.

Barbara (with a bemused smile): Wait, he had… those guys drive his car when they were kids?

Barbara pointed over to Dick and Jason. The two waved back, their amusement palpable, while Bruce stared down at his plate, mentally checked out. Jim nodded, taking a sip from his cup. Barbara burst out laughing while Bruce sighed and covered his face in embarrassment.

Jim: Looking back, it was funny. Bruce shouting instructions while they tried to back out of crime scenes was hilarious. They had fewer accidents than him, though. I can’t take that away from them.

Tim (stifling laughter): Did he start paying immediately when becoming Batman, or did it take some time and many invoices?

Dick (explaining): Well, it was a few years before Bruce adopted me. He kept refusing to cover his half of the costs for Jim setting up the Bat-Signal. Right, Bruce?

Dick glanced at his father with a mischievous smile.

Bruce (annoyed): I was a young, rich man! Give me a break! I paid him eventually.

Alfred (setting down a third pumpkin pie): After I had a little talk with him.

Barbara (laughing too much to eat): Alfred scolded you into paying? I love it!

Crystal, Stephanie Brown's mother, walked in with a glass of white wine,her only glass for the night, and shook her head in disappointment at Bruce.

Crystal: The Brit scolded the big bad Batman? I knew ya were always a rat bastard, but a penny pincher with ya money? For shame.

With that, Crystal returned to the kitchen, while Stephanie covered her mouth to hide her giggles.

Jim (wryly): At least he didn’t use the dead parents excuse.

Bruce (irritated): I’m regretting inviting you all. I’ve got two unwanted guests; one whom I detest with a burning passion. Can my one friend not mock me?

Jim (shrugging): Nah, I’m too old to show you respect.

Bruce (trying to remain calm): We’re around the same age!

Jim (smugly): Then I’m definitely only showing you minimum respect, and that’s as a friend.

Jason (raising an eyebrow, amused): Huh, for a cop, I actually like him now.

Bruce groaned as Talia and Ra's al Ghul approached the table, plates piled high with food. Ra's settled next to Dick, nudging the chair slightly and causing him to topple out.

Ra's (in a mocking tone): I hate you too, Bruce. Glad we can agree on that.

Dick (standing): Rude! You could’ve asked me to move! I probably wouldn’t have, but it’s the thought that counts. Jerk!

Dick grabbed his plate and shifted down a few seats to sit next to Damian, who was diligently enjoying his vegan Thanksgiving meal. Talia took a seat beside them, shooting Selina a sharp glare.

Selina (while scooping mashed potatoes onto her plate): You might want to change that expression; it just might stick.

Talia (snide): I can only hope you haven’t been a bad influence on my baby.

Talia stroked Damian's cheek. He was surprised at first but quickly turned annoyed.

Selina (sarcastic tone): Right, I’m the bad influence, not the woman who swears loyalty to an insane geriatric.

Talia: Okay, rebuttal: I look better than you, and my boobs are bigger! Damian, ignore that last part.

Damian (swatting his mother’s hand away): Already removed it from my brain.

Selina (biting back): The Lazarus Botox has clearly made you delusional.

Damian (interrupting): Mother, before you say anything else, I should let you know I can make Alfred throw you out. I invited you here without telling Father, but I can have you gone in a heartbeat! Sorry for not mentioning it, Father.

Talia (sweetly to Damian): Don’t apologize, tifl. I’m delighted you let us come. Convincing Grandpa was tough, but no one can resist free food and time with their adorable grandson.

Ra's: Don’t forget bothering Bruce. I don't even want to kill him; I just enjoy pestering him.

Ra's 'accidentally' spilled his wine on the table, the liquid dripping over the edge and making Bruce’s jaw clench. Alfred was taking a break but would likely remember that.

Bruce (through gritted teeth): I… really don’t want to keep talking because my child is present.

Damian: Hm? You can curse him out! Mother has called him worse.

Jim (enjoying the entertainment): I’m glad you invited me, Bruce. This is quite enjoyable.

Barbara: But you’re not going to arrest Ra's or Talia, are you? Although, no one would mind if you accidentally shot Ra's.

Jim shrugged.

Jim: They’re out of my jurisdiction, and I don’t want to waste the ammunition.

Jason: Okay, now I like him more. I had him pegged all wrong.

Bruce: Right, I’m opening the wine. You all suck.

Bruce stood up and headed toward the kitchen, hoping to find refuge in a bottle amid the chaotic family drama.

[boyfhee]

⌕ TAKE TWO ━━ 24 : an odd solace

PRECIS. while riki constantly assured you that him being an idol under a different label wouldn't be an issue in your relationship, you start getting second thoughts when fans start shipping him with his co-mc at music bank.

w : angst this is the last time . trust . ( 1.6k )

n : written part below the screenshots ! happy reading ppl

you’re beginning to invent things lately. adding and subtracting from your memory, remembering things the way they should be, or rather, in a way you want to remember them. all the times you’ve seen riki and miya together is a blur, all the moments with jungwon are getting clear, all the moments with riki; they’re there, coming and going like random influx and efflux of ions, at random times of the day. processing things that way would be better, or so you thought. after all, they’re your memories, and you should be allowed to view them however you wish, deleting the ones you despise, but only if memories could be deleted.  

riki’s question still circles your mind, jogging around day and night— it has been three days since. saying you didn’t have an answer would be the half truth, claiming to have one would be half lie. in the end, you’re once again sitting with your hands full of confusion and what ifs. it’s one of the reasons why you think leaving for japan would be better.  

“i’m sorry for that day,” you whisper slowly, staring at your palms, hoping he could hear you. “i shouldn’t have done that,”

“it’s fine,” coming to the airport with jungwon wasn’t what you planned, but it happened anyway. in fact, he came much later, thirty-minutes or so, and now you both are waiting for you to leave. you feel the hesitation lingering around, the feeling of having so many questions but getting to ask none. been there, done that, you wish you could tell him that with a laugh, without feeling ashamed. 

“are you mad?” but you��re doing fine, actually. talking with riki, going through confrontations, you think you’re ready for a little more blame and regrets if jungwon directs them to you. maybe, it’s because of the acceptance of the fact that you deserve it, or perhaps you’ve just grown immune to feeling that over the past few weeks. 

“i don’t know,” he sighs, lips pressing into a thin line. one may think he’s talking to himself, but the next second, jungwon looked at you with an awkward smile. “well, it is my fault as well because i should’ve stepped back instead of giving in,” 

you almost forgot how pretty he looks when he smiles.

“still, i was the one who kissed you first,” for some reason, talking about it doesn’t feel awkward anymore. instead, it’s scary. are you touching a critical topic? maybe, and maybe, jungwon doesn’t want to talk about it but you do, because you have a lot to say. “you’re not a rebound. i used you and the feelings you have for me to make myself feel better without thinking about you even once, it was stupid. i’m not going to ask you for forgiveness,” but he will still forgive you. he’s too good, so much that he ends up apologising even if it’s not his fault. he’s too good for you. “all i want is for you to look after yourself a little. live for yourself, find someone who loves you the way you love them. you deserve better,”

and perhaps, you’re the one who took his smile away, even if it was for a little while. 

suddenly, you realise you never responded to his confession, not like it’s necessary. he knows the answer already, knew it the day he confessed. 

“is that why you’re leaving? because you think you don’t deserve me?” 

“i’m leaving because i need a break from all this. i need time to figure out my own thoughts. moreover, i’m going to be all over the news for at least a few weeks so, it’s better for me to fly back to japan and stay low for a while,” you explain with a nod, hoping that this time, you made the right decision. “but, yes, i don’t think i deserve you. you’re way too good, jungwon”  

you’re learning to speak his name with gratitude. jungwon has been there for you for as long as your memory takes you back. sometimes, it doesn’t feel like he has known you only for a little over a year. he feels too familiar, like someone you’ve known for centuries and far beyond. maybe that’s why he always felt so welcoming. you don’t think you’ve ever felt awkwardness with jungwon— apart from when you kissed him, of course. the second you saw jungwon, you found a friend in him, best friend, even, and riki, you and him, were inseparable. 

you wonder if things would’ve been the same if none of this ever happened.   

“make sure you tell riki’s mother about everything he did,” he snickers in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, a much needed attempt, might you add. you almost ran out of things to say. 

“hey, i am no better so i don’t get to complain,” 

“that’s right. you are heartless,” it’s a joke, you know, but a look into his eyes, and you see a hint of genuinity. honestly, even if he called you heartless and selfish, you wouldn’t mind. it’s the truth, you’ll have to accept it one day or another. the only point of this trip to japan is to accept your flaws and weaknesses and work on them so that you can return as a better person to the people you adore.

you’ve dealt with loss, walked side by side with your hands in his. you’ve wept on his shoulder, you’ve hugged him in sleep, you’ve been intimate with loss. you’ve been trying to come to terms with loss ever since you started seeing riki drifting away from you, ever since you realised your mistake and started seeing less of jungwon in your life. you don’t think you can ever experience love without loss, because you’re sitting here overflowing with love and no one to give it to. you’re sitting with your hands empty because of what you’ve lost, and you’re sitting so close to one of the few things you’ve lost that you’d kill to get back, but alas, you’ve already lost him. 

“do you really have to go?” he finally says the words he has been keeping in for hours. the truth is��� jungwon hates you. you’re a coward. you had chances to fix things but you let your insecurities make decisions for you. jungwon thinks he’s going to hate you even more if you leave because he thinks the three of you can solve things out without having to create distances in between. distances never have resulted in anything good, you and riki are a good example. his heart knows what you’re doing is right, but his soul tells him otherwise. 

“it’s for the three of us,” and you give the same old response. you’ve said it so many times, it doesn’t feel like an explanation anymore. “we need to take some time for ourselves, away from each other,” 

the more you say it, the more it begins to sound like an excuse. 

jungwon chuckles in return. “okay, so how do i stay away from riki?” 

“uh, maybe you two can utilise this time to make amends,” okay, you do feel bad for being the reason why they aren’t as close as they used to be. riki and jungwon, the inseparable duo, the best friends who were attached to the hip all the time, they’re no longer the way they used to be and somewhere, you know you are to be blamed. not as long, definitely, because riki is equally responsible, perhaps jungwon too. you won’t make assumptions, you’ve never been good at those.

the boarding announcement goes off, you didn’t realise it’s time to bid goodbyes already. a part of you wishes the moment could last longer. you’ve missed jungwon, you’ve missed talking to him, you’ve missed hearing his voice. you’ve missed him so much over a weak, his absence didn’t miss you until now, and now that you’re leaving, you wish you could live this moment a little bit longer. 

you smile at him, getting your passport out of your clutch. “okay, it’s time now,” 

“it is,” and much to your pleasure, he smiles back. 

“see you soon,” another announcement goes off, another reminder that it’s time to let go. “don’t forget me,”

“i wish i could,” just yesterday, it felt like you both were losing track of nights, for you both were busy living in the moment. you remember staying up on nights gushing to him about things you liked and didn’t as you fought off sleep for another hit— another line of conversation. you’d tell him all the embarrassing moments from riki’s childhood, he’d send you pictures of your boyfriend that would add onto that list. but now you both are here, standing in front of each other with minds still living in the past. you’re walking away and it feels like a final goodbye. 

“jungwon,” you call his name, it feels like music to his ears. “thank you for falling for me,” 

and jungwon is back at his dorm, your words ringing in his ears over and over again. you’re probably listening to your favourite songs, or perhaps, you’ve already fallen asleep. he knows how sleepy you get on planes, riki didn’t miss anything when jungwon told him he wanted to get to know you better the first time you two met. jake and heeseung are playing video games on television but the living room feels oddly quiet. jungwon feels like his ears have gone numb, he’s walking towards riki’s room. 

a small conversation is shared in fluttering gazes, jungwon sits next to the younger boy. a few pats on the back— an attempt at consolation, an odd solace. both had their chances with love, both are heartbroken. jungwon is glad to have riki now that you’ve left.

and that makes the two of them.   

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[weneeya]

a birthday on his own m.list | rules

pairing. childe x reader

note. I wrote this last year for the ginger's birthday, but I'm kinda proud of it, so enjoy! feel free to request anything :)

It was his first birthday far from Snezhnaya, and so from his family. He wasn’t the type to hate his birthday ; in fact, he loved the attention. But the Fatui weren’t really the type to do anything for his birthday, and staying alone was probably the last thing he wanted. But what was he supposed to do? This is how he ended up at the top of a mountain in Liyue, looking at the landscape drawn in front of him. 

A loud sigh left his lips. It was so boring. In fact, nobody actually knew about his birthday so it was like any other day. He didn’t want to be dramatic or anything, but it was pretty sad. Lost in his mind, he didn’t realize that someone was behind him. 

You were probably the only one who knew about his birthday in all of Liyue. You hesitated a long time before finally deciding to go and find him. When you arrived at the North Bank, Childe wasn’t here anymore. The Fatui simply told you that he decided to go take some fresh air. You spent a long time traveling around Liyue to find him. When you finally saw his redhead, you couldn’t help but to sigh in relief. You came closer to him, sitting right next to him. Apparently, he didn’t see you. You used that time to look at his face with more details. 

“You look sad. It’s unusual” you said, breaking the silence. 

Childe quickly looked at you, calming down when he saw that it was you. His eyes got back to the landscape, a smile appearing on his lips. 

“I’m not sad. There’s no reason for it.” 

“Maybe because you’re alone for your birthday?” 

His eyes met yours, frowning a bit. How did you know that? He didn’t remember telling you about the date. But he decided to skip that part, simply sighed a little. 

“I miss Snezhnaya” he said, now looking at the sky. 

You looked at him with a sad look, feeling all the nostalgia coming from him. You came a bit closer, leaving a small kiss on his cheek. He turned to you, a bit lost. You started to smile softly, meeting his eyes. 

“Happy birthday Childe.” 

The ginger couldn’t help but to smile, looking at you with all the softness in the world. He didn’t deserve to have you being so nice to him. With everything he has done, he just didn’t deserve this. You stood up, offering her hand to him. 

“Let’s go eat something. But you’re paying, you wealthy man.” 

He started to laugh a bit, before grabbing your hand to stand up too. He was such a lucky man, even if you weren't his. You were the sweetest on Earth, and he was ready to kill anyone who would make this smile disappear.

I'm obsessed with this man you can't even imagine, I'll die for him

[callsign-joyride]

Fluffy Fall Fantasy, 8 with Bradley and Jake?

It's Nice To Have A Friend | Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw & Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Summary: Bradley and Jake comfort you after you have a bad day at work.

Content warnings: Men being trash (not Bradley or Jake, though), hurt-comfort

Prompt: Breaking down mid hug because they just needed this so much

This was written for my Fluffy Fall Fantasy event. Feel free to send in requests!

You loved working on base. Admittedly, the job that you got wasn’t the best because of the lack of openings and your “barely-there” qualifications, but you still loved being there every day. Well, mostly every day. You held a secretary-like position with Cyclone and the other admirals, which meant that you were the one who was mainly in charge of scheduling things for them, and you rarely messed something up. Cyclone must’ve been having a particularly bad day as he nearly threw your office door open and looked at you with a scowl on his face.

“You double-booked me at three, and I’ve gotta pick my son up from football at six,” he said. You always tried to be extra nice to him on days like this.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize-,”

“Right. No surprise there since it seems like you’ve forgotten a lot of things recently. Consider this strike one.”

“What?”

“If it happens again, you know, the forgetting things, that’ll be your last warning.”

You stood there slightly dumbfounded as he continued to lecture you about “forgetting things”. In reality, he hadn’t emailed you his calendar and you had no idea what was going on half the time. This type of thing never happened with Warlock or Iceman, they were always on top of their game, but Cyclone was different. A part of you always wondered if it was because he knew that his marriage was failing, but the other part refused to question any of it. 

Tears were brimming your eyes as he left the room, and you sat at your desk trying to get his schedule figured out again. Hangman and Rooster walked by your office just as you were finishing getting the meetings rescheduled. You hardly realized that you were borderline sobbing until Rooster gently plucked you out of your chair and wrapped his arms around you. Hangman joined in on the hug, finally giving you a sense of comfort in the hard day.

“What happened?” Hangman asked. You asked Rooster to close the door before taking a sip of your water and wiping your tears with a tissue. 

“Cyclone pretty much threatened to have me fired for ‘forgetting things’. I double-booked him and that’s what started it all, but I wouldn’t have double-booked him in the first place if he sent me his personal calendar. God, I’m just so fucking pissed. He didn’t send me his calendar but it’s my fault that I had to schedule those meetings for him.”

“Amelia has a few classes with his son. Apparently, he’s in the middle of a messy divorce. He had an affair and she caught him through the bank statements,” Rooster said.

“Amelia… told you all of that?” Hangman asked.

“No. She told me that Cyclone and his wife are getting a divorce. Warlock told me and Mav the rest.”

You couldn’t help but let out a laugh at that. There was something so sweetly ironic about Warlock being the one to spill the truth behind Cyclone’s divorce. Rooster and Hangman were happy that the news seemed to cheer you up at least a little bit, but they stayed in your office for as long as they could without getting in trouble.

“Hey, you wanna come to karaoke at The Hard Deck tonight?” Rooster asked.

“Sure.”

After a few drinks, you and Phoenix hit the stage, singing Bad Blood (Taylor’s Version), and it was only Rooster and Hangman who knew that the rendition of the song was secretly about Cyclone.

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[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 171

warnings: nsfw hmh masterlist

It’s been about three weeks since Logan has moved in with you, and it’s been pretty good. He kept to himself a lot that first week but when he did want to talk, he confided in John, which was really nice to see. You were just happy that he was talking to someone about what was going on. When Tonya was here, Logan kept to himself, which you were happy about since she’s a demon and you didn’t want Logan around her.

Today, John and Logan been sitting on the dock and chatting. It’s not that you’re not included when he wants to talk, but with John saying he sees himself in Logan, it makes more sense for him to talk to him about what’s going on.

A smile breaks across John’s face as he and Logan walk up to the house, and you get butterflies when he looks at you--no matter what, that man can turn you into mush. You grin wide and immediately wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him, hugging him tight. Ronan squeals and rushes over to Logan when he leans down to hug her. You kiss John one more time then you let go and look at Logan.

“She’s ready for some shopping.”

John rubs your sides, “You’re going shopping?”

“Yeah, Logan needs some things, so we thought we’d go to the shopping center in Brighton.” you say as you start to smile, “Do you want to come with us?”

“I mean,” he scratches the back of his neck and shrugs--he’s so damn cute. “I’m not doing anything else.”

You start to laugh, “Well, yeah, as long as we’re your last resort.”

“Stop!” he wraps his arm around your shoulders and hugs you tight to his side, “Of course I want to hang out with you. I just didn’t want to invite myself along.”

You playfully roll your eyes at John before you reach down and pick up Ronan. You gather up your things and head to the car with Logan and John, and you get Ronan into her car seat. Logan crawls into the back despite your protests to take it, and John smiles when you look at him.

“So, Logan,” you look over your shoulder at him, “Jimmy said he helped you get your bank stuff figured out.”

“Yeah, it was super easy. I wish I had just done that from the start but my dad…”

You nod your head, giving him a soft smile, “I get it. But it’s all taken care of now, so that’s good. It’s all your money. You can do whatever you want with it.”

Since Logan’s money was in his parent’s bank account, they wouldn’t allow him access to his last paycheck. They threatened legal action that probably really wouldn’t do shit but it just stressed out Logan, so he cut his losses. He said he had quite a bit of money in it since he never really bought anything for himself, but he also said he had been stashing his money. He’d get out money every few days and hide it away in his room.  

Not only did Greg threaten legal action about that, but he also did with John punching him too. John isn’t too worried about that and says that he’ll either give it up or the court will throw it out.

Since getting all new clothes, a phone, and any other little things would completely eat up what little money he did have, you and John decided to pay for his things. It’s not a big deal and it took the stress off of Logan, which is what you want. Making this transition as stress free as you can is what you want more than anything.

You glance over your shoulder at Logan as you head down the street, and he looks over at his house. There’s a For Sale sign in the yard now that makes you all perk up. You furrow your brow when you look at John, and he shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head giving you a “Good riddance” kind of look.

“Guess they’re moving.” Logan says, his voice quiet and sad.

You look back at Logan, “Do you think your sister will be okay?”

Logan nods as he looks down, “They never were…mean to her. It was always me. She’ll be fine.”

Leaving another child in the house isn’t the best thing but Logan is certain that she’ll be fine. It’s apparent that Logan was the one who was abused. Even from what you witnessed, his sister was a very loved child.

“Hey,” you reach back and take his hand, smiling softly, “Everything is going to be so much better now.”

“Yeah,” he smiles at you before he sits back and looks out the window.

John takes a deep breath and looks over at you, then he reaches for your hand and gives you a small smile, silently reassuring you that everything will be okay.

__

“Do you remember…” John stands in front of you and smiles, “When we came here--”

“And I met Jen and was insanely jealous because I couldn’t figure out why you had broken up with her--she’s hot--and gotten with me.” you start to laugh, rolling your eyes playfully, “It’s a vague memory.”

John chuckles as he leans down to kiss you, “You’re hot.”

“Jen is hot, don’t lie.”

“Jen is pretty,” he nods, laughing when you give him a blank stare, “What? She is, but come on, look at you! Look at you!”

You playfully pose as John laughs, “Okay, true, I’m pretty cute.”

“No, well, yeah, you’re cute, but…” John shakes his head and leans closer, “You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and I’m not even kidding. I want you so bad right now. I always want you.”

You smirk as you look up at him, “How bad?”

“So…” he leans closer and kisses just under your ear, sending shivers down your spine, “So bad.”

Leaning back to look at him, you cup his face and bring his lips to yours before you both start to laugh. He gestures for you to sit down on the bench, so you take a spot and hold his hand when he sits next to you. Logan is currently on the carousel with Ronan right now, so thankfully no one was around to hear that conversation between you and John.

“I was thinking that tonight after Ro is down, we could have a movie night.” John says, and you look over at him, “Logan is going to hang out with Devin, so…”

You watch John’s eyes dip down to your lips for a moment before you start to smile, “You’ve been very…”

John starts to smile, “Very what?”

“Very horny lately,” you whisper, and a laugh bursts out of him before he gestures to you, “No, what is going on with you? Why do you want me so much?”

“Oh, come on,” he shakes his head as you smile, “It’s no more than usual.”

You scoff, “It’s waaaay more than usual, Wick.”

“I don’t know!” he laughs, throwing his hands up a little, “You’re sexy. What can I say? I’m attracted to my wife.”

“Hmm,” you squint your eyes at him jokingly, “I don’t know…”

John wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you closer to him, “You’re weird.”

“You’re weird!”

“Well, if I’m weird, then you’re weird for marrying me.”

You laugh loudly, “Yeah, I won’t argue that.”

Logan smiles as he walks over holding Ronan in his arms, “I think she’s getting hungry.”

“Oh, probably,” you take her and set her in your lap, “Should we grab something to eat before we do some more shopping? What else do you need?”

“Uh,” Logan looks at his phone, “Just need some more clothes, then I, uh, I needed a laptop.”

John nods, “Oh, yeah. Then you’re all good, right?”

Logan nods his head as you get up and put Ronan into her stroller. He likes to push her, so you move so he can take it. John reaches for your hand and chats with Logan as you all head to the restaurant, and you smile to yourself. It’s so sweet how John has really taken Logan under his wing.

You finally make it to the row of restaurants in the mall, and you all decide to try out the burger place that is decorated like a 50’s diner. You haven’t tried it yet, so you’re looking forward to it. Logan slides into the booth on the opposite side of you while John gets Ronan into the highchair they’ve provided.

“This place is cool,” Logan says as he looks around, “Reminds me of this show my mom used to watch all the time.”

John sits next to you, leaning over to look at the menu, “Menu looks good.”

You all fall silent as you look at the menu, you and John both pointing at things that sound good, and you only glance up every so often to check on Ronan, who is playing with a toy and a pamphlet she grabbed from a jewelry shop when you were letting her walk earlier.

John wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you closer, pressing his lips to your shoulder before looking back at the menu, “You smell good.”

“Thanks,” you laugh, looking at him and smiling, “You look very handsome today.”

He chuckles, then he leans over to kiss you, “You look beautiful.”

You smile as you lean over and rest your forehead against his lips before checking out the menu. When the waitress comes over, she asks if you’re ready, which you’re not, so she grabs you some drinks and brings out a kid’s menu for Ronan.

For Ronan, you order some mac and cheese, along with some fruit and veggies, then you and Logan both get the same cheeseburger, while John gets some complicated burger that you’re not sure you’d ever be able to even finish. He also orders a chocolate shake since you said it sounded good.

“So,” you sit back and smile at Logan, “How’s work?”

“Really good. Jimmy is certain that he’s going to be getting this house, so he asked if I want to learn more. Obviously I said yeah.” he laughs, shrugging bashfully, “I like working there, it’s cool.”

John nods, “Jimmy says you’re doing really well too.”

You switch spots with John when Ronan gets a little fussy, and he continues talking to Logan while you play with her. You get some crayons from the waitress and scribble on the paper menu that she was given, and she squeals and kicks her legs happily.

“Logan?” a voice says from behind you, and you look over at the woman standing there. “What are you doing here?”

Logan sits up, “Mrs. Graham.”

“You should be ashamed of yourself.” she says to you, and you sit up straight. “Taking a child from his mother. How proud of yourself are you?”

“Considering he was being treated like shit, pretty damn proud.” you say, then you laugh humorlessly, “And I didn’t take Logan. He left. He wanted to leave and get away from Laura and Greg. We offered him a place to stay, and that’s that.”

The woman turns her nose up and crosses her arms, “Laura was right about you. You just look--”

“Watch your words,” John says from behind you, his voice sending chills down your arms, “I won’t allow you to speak about my wife like this, especially not in front of the kids.”

“The kids?” she laughs, rolling her eyes, “As if he’s your kid. He’s not your child!”

John exhales sharply, “Ma’am, I understand that you’re frustrated on behalf of your friend, but this is not your business. This is between Logan, his parents, and us. You don’t need to concern yourself in other people’s business.”

“Look, I get it. You’re hearing Laura’s side of things and believing her, but no one has listened to Logan. We did. We listened to him and we came up with a solution for him.” you say, and she just blinks at you. “Do you know how your friend has been treating her own son? Terribly. I won’t even tell you because it’s not my story to tell, but Logan needed out of that house. We provided a safe place for him.”

“Well, I just think it’s wrong for you to do that. They could have worked it out on their own.”

You scoff, “Obviously not. Have a nice day, ma’am.”

“One last thing,” she says, leaning closer to you, “You should be ashamed of yourself for bringing a child into the world with a man like him.”

You see red as you look at this pathetic woman, “You fucking bitch--”

Just as you start to get out of the booth, John grabs your arm and stops you. He pulls you back into the booth and wraps his arm around you so you can’t go anywhere, then he holds your gaze and shakes his head a little before looking over at Ronan, who is blissfully unaware of what’s been going on and is scribbling on the paper. Thank god!

“This man right here is a hundred times better than your husband could ever wish to be--”

“I don’t have a husband!” she says, and you laugh loudly.

The jokes write themselves.

“Yeah, well, it’s no wonder. Don’t you ever fucking speak on him, me, or my daughter again. A matter of fact, don’t speak on anyone at this table. Including Logan! You don’t know me, you don’t know my husband, and you clearly don’t know your friend. Why don’t you mind your own damn business and worry about yourself instead?” you say, and she just look at you with wide eyes, “Next time, I won’t be this nice. You can leave our table now.”

Logan frowns when you look at him, then you see him perk up a little before quickly putting his head down. You look over your shoulder to see the woman walk back over to her group of friends, and you spot Laura.

“Do you want to leave?” you ask Logan, but he shakes his head. “We can get our food to go. It’s okay.”

“No, I don’t want to.” he shakes his head again, “I’m tired of running away from her. She can leave.”

You take a deep breath and look over at John, “Don’t listen to her.”

“I don’t care what people say, peach. I never have.”

“You know what she said isn’t true. You’re the best dad.” you whisper to him and he smiles softly, “And I’m so glad I had a baby with you. Best daddy ever. There’s no one else I could imagine having kids with.”

John laughs, “Thanks.”

Ronan squeals loudly and reaches out for John, “Dada!”

“See? She loves you.”

You get Ronan out of the high chair and hand her off to John, who just holds her and loves on her. He says it doesn’t bother him, but you know deep down it probably bothers him a little bit.

__

“What are you wearing?”

You freeze with your mascara wand in front of your left eye as you look over at John, “Do I look bad?”

“What are you wearing?” he asks again, just staring at you.

You pout as you drop your arms to your side, “I thought I looked good. I can change. I mean, I’m not even completely dressed yet.”

“Come here,” he says, curling a finger and beckoning you over to him, and you slowly walk over, “Turn around.”

You quickly spin around and face him, “Do I look bad? John, answer me!”

“Slower this time,” he demands, and you huff as you slowly spin, only to be completely shocked when he spanks you hard on the ass.

“Jonathan Wick!” you gasp, turning around to look at him.

John bites his bottom lip as he starts to smile, “Do you realize how sexy you are?”

“Stop,” you start to walk back to the mirror but John grabs your arm and pulls you back to him, kissing you hard on the lips, “You like it that much?”

John ushers you over to the mirror and gestures to your body, “Yes!”

You start to laugh, tilting your head back to see him, “You’re sweet.”

“You look amazing, baby.” he says softly against your temple, then he rests his hand on your hip, “Are you going to wear just this today?”

You look at him through the mirror, “It’s a body suit, you dork. No, I’m going to wear some jeans.”

John hums, “Hmm, that’s a shame. Your ass look great.”

“Stop it!” you blush as he grins at you. You turn around and lean over to kiss him before he sits down on the bed and watches you, “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Ro is napping.” he says, and you smile at him. He’s bored. “Logan is out with a friend, but he’ll be back before we leave.”

Tonight is date night for you and John--he planned it for tonight. The two of you take turns planning whatever it is, and you two have several dates throughout the month. Usually about one a week. Wednesdays are always for just the two of you since Ronan goes to your parents house, but sometimes that doesn’t always mean there’s a date. Sometimes it’s just hanging out at home and tidying up, then ending the night on the couch with a bowl of pasta or something, which is still a date in your mind; you don’t always need to go out and spend money for a date night. But Wednesday is just a mid-week reset for you and John.

But tonight is date night! You told John that you didn’t want to do anything too crazy since Logan would be watching Ronan tonight. He volunteered all on his own to watch her when he heard John mention date night. Of course you said that you’d be more than okay with taking Ronan to stay with Tess for a few hours, but Logan insisted.

“Nothing crazy tonight, right?”

“Nope,” John shakes his head and smiles as you narrow your eyes, “I’m serious! You said you didn’t want to do anything crazy, and you know me, I always follow rules.”

You laugh loudly, “If there’s one thing you don’t do, it’s follow rules. Mr. Excommunicado.”

“Hey!” he laughs, “That was different.”

“Okay, true.”

John lounges back on the bed, resting on his left elbow as he watches you, “But it’ll be nice. It’s something we haven’t done in a while.”

You immediately look back over at him, “What?”

“Like I’m telling you.”

“Well, now you’re obligated.” you point your mascara wand at him, “Tell me or no nookie tonight.”

John scoffs, “You always threaten that, but let’s be honest…you could never.”

“You wanna test it out?” you try to be serious, but you immediately fail and laugh as you walk over to straddle his waist, “It’s annoying how addicted I am to you.”

“I know the feeling,” he whispers as you lean down to kiss him. He spanks you a few times as he sits back up, “Finish getting ready, mouse.”

You get off his lap and walk over to finish getting ready, and you look through the mirror and smile when you see John just simply watching you like you’re his favorite TV show. He smiles back and leans his elbows on his knees, still watching you. You finish up your make-up and walk to the closet to get some jeans, then you fluff up your hair before turning around to look at him, giving him a ‘What do you think?’ look.

“So beautiful, baby.” he says softly, reaching for your hands, “I’m so in love with you.”

“You can’t make me cry. I just finished my make-up.”

John stands up and takes your arms to wrap them around his neck as he holds your gaze, then he takes you into his arms, “I just need to hold you for a minute.”

Your laugh is muffled against his chest, “Okay.”

He is genuinely the cutest, sweetest man you’ve ever met in your life. It’s so sweet how sometimes he just needs to hold you to ground him. As a kid, he didn’t get the affection he desperately craved, so now he’s become a grown man who wants to give it all the time. It’s the best.

John slowly sways back and forth with you in his arms, then he presses a kiss to the top of your head, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you lean back to look into his eyes, “You’re pretty cute, you know that?”

“Thanks.”

You wrap your arms around him a little tighter, “About what the woman said--”

John shrugs it off as if it didn’t hurt him, “It’s fine.”

“It’s not,” you lean back and look into his eyes, “It’s not fine. I would have pummeled that woman if Ro and Logan hadn’t been there. What she said was completely wrong and so not true. You know this, Jonathan. Deep down, you know that there is no one else who is more perfect to be her dad. You are so good at being a dad, John. Words can’t express how happy I have that you are her dad. You’re so patient and attentive. You’re encouraging and kind. You’re exactly what I would have wanted in a dad and I know that’s a really weird thing to say, but it’s true. I’ve already told you that you’ve healed the little girl in me, but I am so fucking happy that you won’t have to heal anything in Ronan. She’s going to be just fine because she has you for a dad.”

John inhales deeply, his eyes a little glassy with tears, “You really think all that?”

“Of course I do. If I didn’t think you’d be a good dad, I wouldn’t have had a baby with you. I like to think I’m a good judge of character.”

“And you’re really smart too…” his voice is so soft that you just melt.

You laugh, rolling your eyes playfully, “Exactly. Don’t ever, ever, ever question whether or not you’re a good dad because you are. I can see it when Ronan looks at you. She is obsessed with you, babe. She loves you more than anything. If there’s one thing that is absolutely true, it’s that that baby is the biggest daddy’s girl, which I completely understand because I’m so obsessed with her daddy too.”

“I’m certainly obsessed with her and her momma,” he whispers, and you smile at him. “Thank you, baby.”

“I’ll still kick that woman’s ass, by the way.”

John smiles, “I thought I was gonna have to bail you out of jail.”

“Next time some bitch decides to wants to brave and say that shit, she better hope our daughter isn’t there because I will fight her.” you say, shrugging, “I won’t hesitate.”

“You certainly didn’t hesitate last night. Thank you for sticking up for me, my peach.”

You cup his face and kiss him, “I will always stick up for you, Wick. We’re a team.”

“My favorite teammate,” he chuckles softly before kissing your forehead and letting go of you when the front door opens. “That must be Logan.”

You let go of him but he takes your hand and looks back at you. You nod your head since you’re ready to go. He holds tight to your hand and heads downstairs, and you give Logan a wave when he walks into the living room.

“Hey. Have fun?”

Logan nods, “Yeah, we went fishing. Caught some but nothing too big so we threw them all back. You two heading out?”

“We just wanted to wait until Ronan got up from her nap, but…” John looks at his watch, “She might be down for a little longer, so not sure.”

You shrug, “She’ll be okay if Logan gets her. She knows him so it’s not like she’ll freak out. She’ll just be hungry and want something to eat, but you’ve watched her before and you know what she likes.”

“Yeah, of course.” Logan nods, looking back and forth between you and John. “I can get her something to eat, then we’ll play with some toys, maybe build a fort.”

You smile, “She’ll love that.”

“We won’t be out long.” John says, looking at his watch again, “We’ll be back before she needs to go to bed.”

“I used to watch my sister all the time,” Logan says, frowning a little, “So it’s okay if I have to put her to bed.”

You feel your eyes burning as you look away to keep yourself from crying. He must miss his sister so much. “Have you talked to her at all?”

Logan shakes his head, “No, but I thought I might go visit her at school one day. They’re going to be having a choir concert soon, so I might sneak in there to see her.”

You look over at John just as he looks at you, then you plaster a smile back on your face, “I bet she’d love to see you.”

John stands behind you and places his hands on your shoulders, squeezing them lightly, “Well, should we head out? We’ll be back by 8 or so.”

“I’ll have my phone with me the whole time if you need to call, and don’t forget that Tess is just across the street too. She’s home tonight, so you can always call her if something comes up.” you say, and Logan nods his head and starts to laugh when John widens his eyes playfully and shakes his head.

“We’ll be back in a bit.” John says, lightly pushing you towards the door.

Logan laughs as he sits down on the couch, “See you later.”

John takes your hand and leads you over to the car. He stops and digs in his pocket for a moment and pulls out a hair tie. You furrow your brow and look up at him.

“You’ll need this tonight.”

You start to smile, “Jonathan Wick, are you hinting that you want me to go down on you in the car?”

“That would be totally cool if that’s what you want to do, but no, that’s not what this is for.”

“It’s for my hair?”

He nods, “Yes, of course, but not for what you think.”

“I’m very curious.”

“We need to leave now though. Before the sun sets.” he says, and you immediately squint your eyes at him. “We have somewhere we need to stop first so we can get something for tonight.”

You groan when John gestures to the car, “You’re being cryptic.”

“You’ll know as soon as we’re there what’s happening, so you just have to wait 20 minutes. I promise, peach,” he kisses your temple and opens the door for you to get in, “We’ve done it before but not for a long time, and it’s time we do it again. You said it was one of our favorite dates we’ve ever had.”

“That doesn’t help me! I say that about every date because you’re so good at planning them.” you pout, looking over at him, “Please tell me.”

John laughs, “You’re very cute when you pout. Oh, I almost forgot.”

“You almost forgot how cute I am?”

“No,” he laughs as he opens the backseat door, “I’ll never forget that. I almost about this!”

You turn a little to see a large bouquet of flowers. Snapdragons, roses, dahlias, tulips, and baby’s breath. It is the most stunning collection of flowers in a very peachy color with little pops of white and green throughout. Just from the color alone, you know John picked everything himself.

“Peach…” you say, and he smiles proudly. “You’re so cute. These are beautiful. Thank you very much.”

“You’re very welcome,” he says before kissing you, “Ready for our date?”

You smile, “Ready to tell me where we’re going?”

“Nope!”

After kissing you quickly, John makes sure you’re in the car, then he shuts the door and rushes to the driver’s side. You playfully squint your eyes at him, and he laughs as he backs out of the driveway.

__

“We’re getting our oil changed?” you ask incredulously when John pulls up to Aurelio’s auto shop. You look at him and furrow your brow as you laugh, “What a lovely date.”

John laughs, “No, we just need to get something.”

As soon as John pulls into the garage, Aurelio gets up and walks over. He opens your door and helps you out, and you’re taken aback when he leads you over to a nice 1960’s Corvette that has the top down. You begin to smile as you look back at John. He gives you a wink and hurries over to help you get in the car.

Aurelio hands the keys off to him and shakes his hand, “Have fun.”

“I’ll have the car back by eight.” John says, but Aurelio waves it off, “Okay, maybe nine.”

You start to laugh as John gets in the car, then you look back at Aurelio, “Maybe 10.”

“Take your time. You know someone is always here,” he says, waving at the two of you as you back out of the garage.

You grin as you look over at John, and he pulls you closer to him on the seat since it’s a bench seat. You pull your knees up and rest your head on his shoulder, and he drapes his arm across your legs.

The last time John got a car from Aurelio, he drove to Brighton to this little restaurant right near the beach. You sat outside and watched the sunset while you ate dinner, and it was perfect. The drive home was amazing since the air was still warm, and you just clung to him and him to you. It was perfect, and it absolutely was one of your favorite dates.

“So, where are we heading?”

“Thought we’d go watch the sunset.” he says, and you nod your head. “Grab some burgers and shakes at the restaurant right on the shore too. Too late for us to go to Brighton, but Oyster Bay Cove will be perfect for tonight.”

You can feel your eyes just forming hearts as you look at him, and he laughs before he leans down to kiss you. You cup his face to keep him from moving away since you’re at a red light, and he laughs against your lips.

“You’re the best.” you wrap your arms around his bicep and close your eyes as the wind blows through your hair.

Yup, you’re definitely going to need that hair tie. For more than one reason.

__

You and John stumble into the house as you laugh, both shushing one another since you’re definitely being way too loud--you’re both a little drunk on love right now. John puts his hand over his mouth as he laughs, turning around to lock the door as you walk into the living room. You freeze when you see Logan laying on the chaise lounge with Ronan tucked into his side, both fast asleep and their blanket fort left unmade on the ground.

John comes up behind you and rests his cheek against your head, “Pretty cute, huh?”

“She adores him.”

“He adores her.”

You sigh as you nod, “He misses his sister. Would it be bad if I reached out to Laura to see if they would be okay with him visiting her?”

“I don’t think that’s your job, sweetheart,” he turns you to him and shrugs, “Laura and Logan will have to figure that all out on their own. I know he misses his sister. I’m sure it’s hard being away from her. And I know you, so I know you want to help. I know your mom instincts are kicking in, but this isn’t for you to fix.”

Inhaling deeply, you nod your head and look up at John as you squint your eyes and scrunch your face up. A smile tugs at John’s lips before a grin breaks out and you sneeze loudly into your elbow.

“Shit,” you turn around and look at Logan and Ronan as they both jolt awake, “Sorry!”

Ronan sits up and smiles wide when she sees you and John, and she crawls off the couch and runs over, reaching up for you. You pick her up and hug her tightly, closing your eyes and kissing her cheek with a big ‘mwah!’

“Did momma wake you up?” you ask Ronan and her sleepy little eyes, and she nods her head despite the fact that she’s grinning, “Did you miss me?”

“Yeah,” she nods, then she looks at John, “Daddy.”

John smiles, rubbing the top of her head and messing up her brown hair, “Hey, bug.”

Ronan leans her chin against your shoulder and giggles sleepily when John plays peek-a-boo with her. You hug her tight and look over at Logan as he watches her.

“How was she tonight?”

“Really good,” he nods as he sits up, “She ate all of her dinner, then we played with her toys for a bit--I’ll pick those up.”

John waves it off, “Don’t worry about it.”

“We sat down to watch Coco and just fell asleep, I guess,” he laughs, and Ronan kicks her legs to be let down. She runs over to him and jumps into his lap, squealing when he lifts her up, “Hey, we gotta go night-night, don’t we?”

Ronan nods her head, then she points upstairs to her room, telling Logan that they need to go. He chuckles as he gets off the couch, and you give Ronan a kiss. She waves at you and John from over Logan’s shoulder, and you wave back and smile before walking into the kitchen.

“She just loves him. Look at that! He’s just taking her up to bed and she’s not even crying.” you set your purse on the counter and look over at John as he tosses his keys into the bowl next to the landline that’s probably from like 1987. “I’m so proud of her. I remember for a while she wouldn’t even let Tess or Jimmy put her down, but now she’s so much more comfortable.”

“Yeah, I’m really proud of her too,” he smiles, looking over at you, “We did a good job with that one.”

You smile, “And we still are.”

“Tonight was fun,” he whispers, pulling you closer to him until you’re in front of him. He lifts you up and sets you on the counter, and you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. “Did you have fun?”

“I did. I had a lot of fun,” you run your fingers through his hair and scratch his scalp lightly before wrapping your arms around his neck again, “Wish we could have kept the car a little longer.”

John grins, “I could have. All it would have taken was a phone call.”

“Yeah…”

Squinting his eyes, John smirks, “Why did you want the car for longer?”

You move your hands down to his chest, “You know why.”

“Mrs. Wick, were you hoping to have some car sex?” he asks, and you feel your cheeks burn as you laugh. “Look how cute you are.”

“Stop!” you put your hands over your face, “You’re making me blush.”

John presses several quick kisses to your cheek, “We don’t have the car anymore, but we can still have some sex.”

“Sounds good, but we have to be super quiet.”

“We have a basement,” he suggests as you laugh.

You wrap your arms around his waist and lean against him, closing your eyes as he holds you, “I had a really good time tonight. Thank you.”

“I’m glad, sweetheart,” he murmurs into your hair, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” you lean back to look at him, then you cup his face and kiss him.

John is just inches from your lips as he looks into your eyes, then he leans forward and kisses you tenderly, cupping your face in his hand. You wrap your legs around him and pull him closer, and he nips at your bottom lip.

Logan clears his throat, and you and John both look down like you’re two teenagers who just got caught. John glances up at you and smiles, then he walks around to stand on the other side of the counter for obvious reasons--you’re flattered. He discreetly adjusts himself while Logan makes himself busy with the magnets on the fridge.

“Is she asleep?” you ask, and Logan nods his head. “You can turn around, Logan.”

He waits a few seconds before he turns around, “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Oh, you’re alright. John just loves smooching on me,” you laugh, shrugging it off as John walks back over to stand in front of you. He leans with his back against the counter, and you rest against his back, “No biggie.”

Logan inhales deeply and nods his head, “You two are so different from my parents.”

“Yeah?”

He nods as he looks at you, “You actually interact with each other and don’t seem like you want to kill each other.”

“Yeah, no, I definitely don’t want to kill him. I’d be completely lost without him,” you say, and John chuckles. “He’s my best friend. I can’t imagine doing parenthood without him. Or just life in general.”

Logan leans against the counter opposite of you, “My parents wouldn’t be caught in the same room, let alone hugging or kissing.”

You sit up, “Is this making you uncomfortable? Because if it is, we can absolutely cut it out.”

“No,” he shakes his head as he laughs, “It’s actually really nice. I’ve just never been around it before, so it’s different. It’s a good different though. It’s…”

“Refreshing?” you ask, and he nods. “Yeah, I know the feeling. My ex wasn’t affectionate at all and was…incredibly mean to me. When I met John, I was so blown away by the affection he gives and how naturally he gives it. One of the things I’ve loved most about my relationship with him was the fact that he never made me feel like I needed to work for his affection. I was deserving of his love just by being myself, like I said, he just gave it so naturally. I didn’t even feel like I deserved his love. He’s so sweet to me, and he’s so good to Ro too. I’m so beyond happy that she has him for a dad.”

John looks over his shoulder at you and smiles, “I’m pretty lucky too. She’s pretty great--both of my girls.”

“Anyway,” you roll your eyes playfully, “If we are ever being inappropriate or making you uncomfortable, let us know. Obviously we don’t plan on just…you know, right in front of you or anything.”

Logan laughs, “Yeah, I get what you mean.”

You look at him for a moment and hold his gaze, “You’ve had the…the…”

Logan furrows his brow, “What?”

“You’ve had the…” you lean a little closer and whisper, “You’ve had the sex talk, right?”

John puts his hand over his mouth as he laughs, “Peach!”

“Well, I don’t know!”

Logan laughs as he nods his head, “Yes, Mrs. Wick, I’ve had The Talk. I am eighteen, by the way. I know things.”

“I don’t know!” you put your hands up and shrug, “I didn’t know if you had the talk or not yet. God, sorry!”

“You just made this so weird, peach.” John says, and you hop off the counter, “I’m just being honest.”

Logan continues laughing when you look at him, “I’m sorry, but that’s funny. I appreciate you asking.”

You didn’t know if his parents had that talk with him since they were shit at being parents. Obviously he probably found out stuff from his friends, but you didn’t know! You certainly weren’t looking forward to having the conversation with him by any means, but you were willing to do it.

“I just wanted to be helpful,” you say, and John grins. “I don’t see you volunteering to do it, Mr. Wick!”

John laughs, shaking his head, “Hell no. No offense, Logan, but I’m not ready for that stuff yet. I’m still trying to get the hang of having a baby.”

“I was willing to completely embarrass myself and give you the talk, so you better be grateful!” you say, teasing him.

“I am very grateful,” Logan laughs, then he nods his head and smiles, “Trust me, I’m very grateful for everything you two have done for me.”

John wraps his arm around your shoulder, “Don’t mention it, kid.”

“I should head to bed, I have to work in the morning.” he says, and you smile at him. He turns to leave but stops and looks at you and John again, “Seriously, it is really cool how you two are, you know, hugging and dates and stuff. Ronan is really lucky to have parents like you. I know she’ll realize that when she’s older.”

“Thank you,” John smiles, giving him a small wave, “Sleep tight.”

You inhale deeply and give him a smile but as soon as he leaves, you turn to John and bury your face in his chest as you tear up. He holds you and presses a kiss to the top of your head, swaying you from side to side.

How sad is it that he’s never seen his parents just hug or kiss, or show any sort of basic affection? You always knew that that was something you wanted Ronan to grow up with. Obviously you’re not making out with John in front of her, but you and John share a few kisses and always cuddle on the couch. You want her to grow up in a home where affection is shown and love is never on short supply. You want her to see what she deserves in a relationship, and you never want her to settle for less.

“You have such a good heart, you know that?” John tilts your head back and kisses your forehead before leaning down to kiss the center of your chest, “The best heart.”

“Thank you.”

John smooths your hair back and pulls you back into his arms, “Let’s go to bed, baby.”

“Okay.”

Holding John’s hand, you make your way upstairs after locking the doors and turning the lights off. You say a quick goodnight to Ronan, then you change into your pajamas and crawl into bed with John, immediately falling onto him and kissing him. He cups your face for a moment before sliding his hand down to your waist, then to your leg, pulling you on top of him.

You sit up straight on John and look over your shoulder to make sure the door is shut, then you pull your nightgown over your head and toss it aside. John smiles as he gazes up at you, his eyes raking over inch of your body. He sits up and kisses you, then he leans down and sucks on your nipple.

Biting your lip, you close your eyes and tilt your head back, “Do you want me, John?”

“So bad,” he places his hand on the back of your neck and tilts your head back up so you’ll look at him, “Can you feel how bad I want you?”

You shimmy down into his lap more and smile when you feel him hard against your leg. You pull your panties aside, then you grin as you move his hand between your legs.

“Can you feel how bad I want you?”

John closes his eyes as his fingers play with you, “Fuck, you're so wet.”

“You made me that wet,” you whisper to him, and a noise comes out of the back of his throat, “You make me so fucking wet, John.”

“I want you to sit on my face,” he whispers against your lips, which elicits a moan from you, “I want you to ride my face until you come, then I want to fuck you until you come again. Until your legs are shaking and you’re screaming my name.”

You laugh with your lips pressed to his, “I probably shouldn’t scream your name, but everything else can be arranged.”

“We have pillows,” he suggests, and you laugh as you push him to lay down so you can scoot up to straddle his face. He looks up at you with so much adoration, then he licks his lips, “Mm, mm, mm.”

You stand up on the bed to quickly take off your underwear, then you get back down and kiss John before sitting right on his face while he hums happily. You close your eyes and tilt your head back when you feel his warm tongue between your legs, then you quickly press your hand on to your mouth.

“There’s no way I’m going to be quiet,” you say to him, and he peeks at you, “I’m never quiet with you.”

“I know,” he grins from ear to ear, “I love it.”

As you roll your hips, firmly clutching the headboard, you gaze down at John. He reaches up and caresses your breast as he eats you out, and you press your hand to your mouth when you moan. Your knuckles are turning white from gripping the headboard so tight and you start to move your hips faster until you feel yourself tipping over the edge.

John keeps you from moving off of him as you start to climax, and he pulls you down closer to his mouth while you press your hands over your mouth. You moan loudly into your hands and your eyes rolls shut, an electric surge running through your body. John holds you as he sits up, then he plops you down on the bed and crawls on top of you.

He makes sure to give your body plenty of attention with little nips and kisses. He licks up your stomach to the valley between your breasts, then he sucks on your nipple and closes his eyes when you moan. You reach down to touch him over his boxers, which elicits a moan from him. He quickly pulls his cock from his boxers and slides between your legs, instantly pressing his hand to your mouth when you moan.

“Holy shit, John,” you laugh quietly, “You’re so hard.”

“You turn me on, what can I say?” he smiles, and you lean up to kiss him passionately as he starts to thrust his hips.

Arching your back, you grip John’s bicep as your teeth begin to chatter and you squeeze your eyes shut before looking up at him. John smiles proudly and leans down to kiss you a few times, jerking his hips hard and knocking the breath out of you.

“Oh, shit…” you manage to choke out, “Oh, fuck!”

“Here,” John hands you a pillow and grins, “Look like you’re gonna need it.”

__

taglist: @lilithlinen @mutlifandombliss @ruby-octo @tnu-ree @sakurachan-9 @beingnerdyissupercool @scream-queen-25 @ladyren33 tumblr tagging system is wack so let me know if the tags worked!

[theemporium]

request: Reader broke up with rafe because of the drugs or anything, But he wont let her go, like beats up guys who talk to her or following her everywhere. (Maybe a litte toxic or angst)

[You Decide the end <3]

“This is fucking ridiculous, Rafe!”

“Baby–”

“No! No, Rafe, I’m not your fucking baby anymore.” 

The Outer Banks was a small island: everyone knew everyone, everyone knew everyone’s business and everyone knew gossip before it even became gossip. It was the way of a small island, and majority of the time it was quite wholesome to have such a tight knit community despite the differences people may have with each other.

You had lived closer to the Cut, and though you were still from a well off family and had a damn good roof over your head, you hadn’t really moved to the Kook Academy until after middle school. It was nerve-wracking and terrifying and even to this day it still made your stomach twist up, but it ended up being one of the best decisions your parents ever made for you. 

The Kook Academy is where you met Rafe Cameron.

At first, he was everything you could have dreamed of. He was charming and his words were so pretty and he looked at you like you were the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on. You were obsessed with him and he was obsessed with you, and despite being so young and naive, you thought he was it. You thought he was your forever. 

Things declined after you graduated high school. You both had different visions for your futures and, truthfully, you could have worked past it. You would have sacrificed some of your dreams if it meant you could keep him in your life but Rafe didn’t seem to feel the same. 

The drugs became a vice and his relationship with his father was only getting worse, and you couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t take him anymore. You didn’t feel like his pretty girl anymore, you just felt like a safety net he knew he could always come home to at the end of the day. 

Yet, whilst you tried to heal and move on, Rafe did anything but. 

Because he was obsessed with you. Because you were his. Because he fucking loves you and he may not know how to show it, but he knows that he wouldn’t let anyone else show you either.

“Don’t be like this, baby,” Rafe tried again, his long legs making it easy to follow you towards the small lot where everyone had parked their cars when they visited the boneyard. 

“Just..fuck off, Rafe. We’re over. Over, you hear me? We are done,” you felt like a broken record, constantly repeating yourself but it seems like no matter how many times you said it, it never stuck in his head.

Because even though you had broken up well over a year ago, you always seemed to find yourself in this position. You would find a nice guy, talking with him and you’d smile and you’d laugh—and then Rafe would show up, chest puffed out and fists clenched at his side before he would ‘deal’ with the guy you were talking to. 

Word spread and sure enough it was hard to even get a guy to look in your direction, let alone talk to you because they all feared what your ex-boyfriend would do if he found out. But tonight you had found a decently attractive touron with a cute southern accent that you were happy to entertain for the night. 

But the Rafe—who you hadn’t seen in months since his father died and his family moved away—showed up out of nowhere, angry and pissed and spouting the same bullshit he did when you started walking away from him.

“You gotta stop saying that,” Rafe murmured as he quickly stepped in front of you, blocking your car door and forcing you to look up at him. To admire his new buzzcut, the slant of his jaw and the way his sun-kissed skin still made him one of the most attractive men you’d ever set your eyes on.

“Saying what? That we’re not together anymore? That we broke up over a year ago?” you snapped at him.

His lips twitched up. “We didn’t break up, baby.”

You glared at the boy. “Yes, we did.”

“I didn’t agree to breaking up,” Rafe countered, looking down at you with a thoroughly amused look on his face. You wanted to slap that look off his face.

“It wasn’t a fucking choice, Rafe,” you gritted between clenched teeth. 

“You’re hot when you’re mad,” he murmured, hooded eyes taking in every inch of your face now that you were so close to him.

“Fuck you,” you spat.

“Any time you want, princess,” he muttered, his head dipping down until your noses were brushing against each other and his lips were just centimetres away from yours. “In fact, why don’t I fuck you right here on the hood of that car of yours so everyone on this fucking island knows who you belong to, hm?” 

“I don’t belong to you, Rafe.” 

“We’ll see about that, baby.”

.

[imtheiliad]

YOU WERE LIGHTING FLARES [1.3K | alternate universe| bmtb fic] {ao3}

a/n: she's hereee everybody!! i know we are generally losing our collective shit over promo and cast content-- but let me take you to another universe for just a moment. for @buddieau i know thigs didnt go as planned really, but without signing up for this i wouldnt have finished this and i love you both so much <3 both titles are from waking up slow by gabrielle aplin. this will be about 7 chapters i believe, all about this length each capturing a different moment in their relationship in this universe. enjoy <3

CHAPTER ONE: I COULD BE YOUR FRIEND Buck wasn’t one to often get deeply invested in their patients. He would connect with them deeply, leaving him emotionally wrought, but not in a way that was investment. 

Bobby had told him that their jobs stopped at the glass doors. Athena chewing him out. But it just had been something about how tiny the baby had been. Is. He had cradled her all the way to the hospital, feeling some sort of kindred spirit in her. 

He understands why they don’t go past the glass doors. He really does. There’s just something aching. 

“You know, I  have a friend up in the NICU. I could ask him about her?” Maddie offers over the takeout containers that Buck brought to the hospital with him after his shift. 

Buck just shrugs as he sips his coffee, “I don’t know Mads, Bobby made it pretty clear-“ 

“Well, what if you were to happen to be here, and happen on the floor… it’s 4 by the way," she smiles as her pager beeps and she takes a last gulp of coffee before taking off back to the ED, calling “See ya at home Ev!” Before she’s gone. And Buck is alone in the nurse break room. He pushes his last few bites of breakfast around in the container before eating them and throwing everything away and leaving the room, weighing the idea in his head. 

He stands in front of the bank of elevators trying to decide if he wants to go up or down. With a rush he pushes the up button before he can change his mind for a tenth time. 

He carefully follows the arrows and signs pointing him toward the NICU. He feels far too big and clumsy to be in this wing. Where fragile beings are just learning what it’s like to be in the world. Surrounded by such innocence. He didn’t quite fit in with his raucous and reckless life. 

He's finally standing in front of the window, carefully looking to see if he can see her. 

His eyes land on her in the incubator, and she seems even tinier than he remembers, even though it was only a few hours ago really. An eternity, and twice her lifetime for her and a blink of an eye for him. she has a hat now which settles something within the aching, but the myriad of wires and tubes add a new sense of worry. he’s never felt like this before. 

He just watches her chest rise and fall. Hands shoved in his jeans pockets. He still feels out of place, being six foot two, and all muscle. But there is a part of him that is truly and fully invested in everything about her. Wants to make sure that she finds her people, that she’s happy and loved. That she has someone to love her like Maddie loved him. 

The nurse comes by to check her vitals and Buck watches him closely, knowing the nurse can do his job but wants to see if he can read his expression as he checks her over. He catches Buck watching and after he makes some final notes on her chart, he exits the room and comes face to face with Buck. 

His arms are crossed, the sleeves of his soft gray shirt pushed up his forearms underneath his light purple scrub top. The tiny stethoscope hanging around his neck, a tiny monkey holding tight.

“Are you her father?” he questions, skepticism already lacing every word. 

And Buck nearly jumps out of his skin even though he saw the other man coming and even suspected that he woul be spoken to. That question wasn’t what he expected. The notion of it even, “Oh god no! I- I’m just-“ 

The nurse’s right eyebrow starts expertly climbing his brow as Buck stumbles.  

“I'm um, I'm a firefighter-'' he shucks the left side of his jacket a little to reveal the emblem, “I’m on the team that brought her in yesterday?” Buck tries, “I’m the one who held her all the way here.” 

The nurse softens, “And my sister, she- she’s the one who said it would be okay for me to come by- Maddie, she’s a nurse down in the ED-  I’ll leave if it’s not, I have pretty much gotten what I came for anyway, I am so sorry.” Buck rambles, fidgeting and looking over his shoulder. 

The nurse starts smiling, and Buck had never seen anything like it. 

“You’re Evan!” There’s a sparkle in his eye that could rival stars in rural Montana. 

A blush creeps across his cheeks, “You know Maddie,” he states, ducking his head and digging a toe into the linoleum. 

“I'm Eddie by the way, I'm guessing she’s never mentioned me by name?” 

“No,” he shakes his head, but then snaps his fingers, “but she did mention a NICU nurse friend!” 

Eddie laughs again resting his hands on his hips casually. 

“She’s tried to convince me to let her give me her cute firefighter brother’s number, I don’t know how many times.” 

“You can have it if you want,” Buck blurts, then covers his mouth, “Oh my god I’m sorry.” 

“It's okay.” Eddie runs a hand over the back of his neck, “You can have it. I just- I’m not ready to date yet?” 

“You can call me Buck by the way, Maddie’s the only one that calls me Evan. Well she does and my parents but-“ 

“We don’t talk about the parents,” Eddie says in the same tone that Maddie does and Buck laughs. It all feels like a breath of fresh air after the shift he had. 

It feels like Eddie is waiting for Buck to deny him something because of what he said, but Buck just takes his phone from his back pocket, opens a new contact and holds it out to him. Eddie smiles a little as he carefully takes it and enters the number. 

“Text me so I have yours okay? I gotta get back in there.” 

“I will. Bye!” 

“Bye Evan.” 

He looks into the nursery again just to make sure her chest is still rising and falling steadily and waves at Eddie one more time before rocking on his heels, and smiling like an idiot all the way to the elevators. 

Maddie is barely in the door before Buck launches into a rant, “Maddie how could you not tell me you’re “NICU nurse friend” is possibly the hottest man I  have ever seen but you have also offered him my number, on more than one occasion, unbeknownst to me. You had ulterior motives!” 

“So I see you met Eddie,” she says, dropping her bag on the floor and toeing off her shoes. “He needed it to be on his terms, or at least think it was.” 

“Yeah, he uh mentioned not being ready to date, what’s that all about?” 

“Not my story to tell. but I hear you have his  number so you can ask him yourself.” she just grins and opens the fridge to grab a glass of juice before she crawls into bed. 

Buck is laying in bed staring at the ceiling when his phone buzzes;

From: Eddie 🩺 Hi. 

A blush creeps across his cheeks and he smiles. He quickly schools himself because he just met the man. But there had been something about him that made Buck want to crawl into a warm bubble and live there with him.

To : eddie 🩺

shouldn’t you be sleeping 🤨

From : eddie 🩺

Couldn’t you say the same for yourself?

To: eddie 🩺

Oh no

R u someone that like uses actual grammar while texting

From: Eddie 🩺

Is that an actual question?

To: Eddie 🩺

Uhh yeah

From : Eddie 🩺

Yes. And if only there was punctuation for you to indicate that you were asking me a question…

To: Eddie 🩺

Oh. my. God. 🙄

good night

[akehoshimystar]

Yuzuru SSR

Happiness on the Table

Part 1

Ito: Kise-san, I've finished sorting the invoices. Can I return the file as is? Yuzuru: Yes, it's fine. Thank you.

Kise-san stopped typing and looked at me with his usual gentle gaze. On this day when there are no shift at the cafe, I was doing routine work at the Main Office with Kise-san. He works harder than anyone, so I offered to help him.

Ito: (But to think that I have lessened his load this much….. I'm amazed that he usually does this amount of work by himself.) Yuzuru: Well, that should be enough for now, now is a good time to take a break… Shall we? Ito: Oh. Sure, I can do that anytime. Yuzuru: Glad to have you on board, then please wait just a moment. Ito: ?

I saw him off as he left the office with a smile, and waited obediently.

Shortly after, I heard a voice from the cafe say, "Sorry to keep you waiting."

Ito: Wow.

I was called to the table and was served a plate of desserts along with hot tea.

Ito: Oh, I'm sorry… I didn’t help at all. Yuzuru: In fact, it's only thanks to Yashiro-san's help that I'm able to take a break like this. This much is nothing. Ito: (His kindness is so dazzling…) Thank you. Is this a cake? It looks pretty good. Yuzuru: It's a cold dessert called Nougat Glacé. It's more like ice cream, I guess. Yuzuru: It contains nuts and dried fruit, and the texture has a light and fluffy feel. Actually, I have been wondering if it could be a new menu item. Ito: So this is a prototype? Yuzuru: Yes. I'm sorry that it seems like I'm making you eat something unfinished. Ito: No, not at all! This looks like something that would sell, to be honest. Yuzuru: I'm glad to hear that. Please try it.

Part 2

I scooped up the nougat glacé that Kise-san made as a prototype with a spoon and brought it to my mouth.

Ito: (…! So fluffy. This is really tasty.) Um, I'm not sure if my opinion really worths that much, but I'd like to share my thoughts. Yuzuru: Ahaha, yes. That would be great. Ito: Not only is it delicious, its appearance is very appealing. If it was in a cafe, it would definitely catch someone’s eye and mind, which can lead them to order this dessert without even thinking about it. Ah, if only I had Sei-san’s word bank…! Yuzuru: I'm so happy to hear such high praise. I'm glad you like it. Then I'll have a bite too.

Kise-san also did the same thing as what I had done.

Yuzuru: Well, it's certainly tasty…. But…. The nougat glacé I had before seemed a little more going on. Ito: You mean, it needs more depth? Yuzuru: Yes. So it feels like there's just one more step missing.

After staring intently at the nougat glacé on the spoon, Kise-san took another bite.

Yuzuru: …Seems like there’s no problem with the meringue, maybe there's still room for improvement in the nougat…Hmm… Hmm…?

Upon taking a bite, Kise-san thought about what to do with it. He had a serious look on his face, but he also seemed to be enjoying himself.

Ito: (Kise-san must really love food.) (I regret that I don't have any words to describe it other than delicious, but at least I'll savor this to the fullest.)

Ito: (….The daily report is finally done.)

Today's tasks have been completed without a hitch. Now is the time to start packing up to go home.

Yuzuru: Thank you for your hard work, Yashiro-san. Was the amount of work okay? Ito: Yes, thanks to your adjustments. Is there anything else? Yuzuru: No, no. You've done a lot today, so I just wanted to check if everything was okay. I’m done for the day now, so if you don't mind, how about joining me for a dinner on the way back? I owe it to Yashiro-san that I can go home at this time, so if it's not a bother, let me thank you. Ito: There’s no need for that…! If it’s not as a gratitude, I would love to join you. Yuzuru: That's great. Although I don't mind cooking something over there. Ito: No, that would just extend your working hour…! How about we go to a restaurant so that Kise-san can get some rest? (….Oh, I got it.) There's a place I'd like to visit.

Part 3

Yuzuru: The butter chicken curry and naan set is definitely a classic. The dal looks delicious… The saag is good too. Oh, they also have spiced curry rice.

I went to a stylish curry restaurant with Kise-san. I'd seen it before, so I decided to satisfy my curiosity.

Ito: (He looks at the menu so intently. It’s bit… No, it's quite endearing actually.) Yuzuru: I will go with butter chicken curry and naan set then……. No, the spiced curry rice… Ito: (I guess we could just order two and share…? But I don’t think we're that close…)

Yuzuru: Okay, both it is then! Ito: (There goes my concern.) Yuzuru: Have you decided, Yashiro-san? Ito: Oh, yeah. I'll go with this set.

Thus, three servings of curry were ordered by two people.

Ito: Oh, it’s delicious. Yuzuru: Hmm, it's delicious.

After eating the curries that were brought to us, our voices naturally overlapped.

Ito: Actually, I was a little hesitant to suggest a restaurant I'd never been to before, but I'm glad I came. Yuzuru: And it was a right choice. You can already tell how delicious it is from the smell of spices when we entered the restaurant. Ito: Wow, you really made a quick judgement. Yuzuru: Food is partly enjoyed with nose after all. But the spice in this curry is really something… Ah! Ito: ?

Yuzuru: I think I've found what was missing from the recipe. Ito: The recipe… Ah. Nougat glacé? Yuzuru: Yes, I think adding a bit of spices might make them a bit more interesting. Ito: I see, even if the taste is the same, adding more flavor can make a big difference! (Even so, the fact that he immediately connected today’s leisure dinner to the recipe suggests that his head is filled with work.) Yuzuru: I truly feel relieved to have found the identity of the depth I have been searching for. Sorry, we ended up talking about work.

The way he is self-aware, and the way he is thinking about work happily…. It all feels very much like Kise-san that I couldn’t help but let out a little laugh.

Ito: (As long as I could be of help to Kise-san…) It's okay. I won't tell Kosaka-san about your thinking about work outside of working hours. Yuzuru: !

Yuzuru: ………………Fufu, thank you. Then, this is our little secret.

We exchanged our playful glances without even knowing it. The time passed as we kept our secret and enjoyed dinner.

[cintasfics]

The People You Meet at Happy Hour

pairing: carlton lassiter x oc

wc: 2.3k

summary: during a night out with some friends from work, marley runs into lassiter, who is at the same bar under similar circumstances. growing tired and her social battery draining, she excuses herself from her group to hang back with the detective at his table.

warnings: none

a/n: this is set during season 1 where marley and lassie are becoming friends (and marley is starting to look at him in a certain way). this was one of the first ideas for a fic I had and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out so I hope you like it!

Marley missed her bed. Her soft, warm, cozy bed. What she wouldn’t give to be there right now instead of at this bar. It wasn’t too bad, and she had enjoyed herself so far, but she’d reached her social outing quota for the day and longed for home.

One of her co-workers had recently broken up with her boyfriend and the others had decided that a night out to celebrate her newfound freedom was in order. Marley was currently standing by the bar, using her empty glass as an excuse to move away from the dance floor by the live band that her group was currently crowding. But a presence at her side made her wonder if she had made the right choice, the last thing she wanted right now was someone trying to chat her up.

‘Please tell me that you’re here on your own, and that the other two aren’t going to be there when I turn around.’

Finding the voice to be one she knew, she turned to face the owner to see Lassiter leaning on the bar next to her, and immediately knew who he was talking about.

‘No, just me tonight. So don’t worry, you’re safe,’ one of her favourite things about joining the boys on a case was watching them wind up the surly detective with their just their mere presence, but it was clear he needed some respite.

‘Good, because I just got off work and the last thing I need is Spencer giving me a headache.’

‘I know it’s hard to believe, but I do have a life outside of the agency. I don’t go everywhere with them.’

‘Yeah? Is that why you’re over here hiding from your friends?’

‘I’m not hiding, I’m just,’ she paused, trying to come up with a believable excuse, ‘taking a breather.’

‘I see,’ came his simple response, though it was clear that he wasn’t buying it.

‘What about you, huh? Isn’t that a few of the guys from the station over there?’

‘Hmm, over where?’ he pretended that he didn’t know what she was talking about, but at her unconvinced expression, he sighed and came clean, ‘Chief Vick thinks I’m too ‘distant’ from the uniforms, and strongly suggested that I joined them for a few drinks. Some nonsense about raising morale.’

‘Ah, mandated socialisation. How fun.’

‘You can say that again.’

‘Marley!’ one of her co-workers called out to her, ‘get over here, this guy just bought us a round of shots!’

‘Breaks over,’ she let out a weary sigh, ‘I’ll catch you later, Lassie. Try not to have too much fun.’

‘I’ll do my best.’

She returned to the group, trying to make the most of the rest of the night out, but her gaze kept returning to the detective. He was back at the table with the other cops now, joining in with their conversation but not really engaging with it. There was something about the detective that she couldn’t put her finger on, something about him just kept drawing her attention whenever they crossed paths.

‘This is Marley, she recently moved here and she’s a bit shy, but she’s super sweet!’

Her attention was pulled away from Lassiter by one of her co-workers who was accompanied by a man she hadn’t met before.

‘Marley, this is Aiden,’ Caitlyn, one of the nurses she worked with in emergency, continued the introduction, ‘he works over at the bank near the courthouse.’

‘Hi, Aiden Langly,’ he held out his hand with a smile she assumed was meant to be charming, but fell short in her opinion.

‘Hi,’ she tried to be polite, but her greeting lacked enthusiasm. Her social battery had depleted to the point that she wasn’t really in the mood to meet new people, especially one that was clearly just looking to get into her pants.

‘Now Marley, I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before, your friend here was telling me that you’re all nurses, but I’m sure I’d remember you giving me a sponge bath,’ he said with an attempt at a flirty laugh. The key word here being ‘attempt’.

‘You’ve probably seen her in the news, when she’s not working at the hospital she’s solving crimes as a psychic detective.’

‘No shit?’

‘Well, I’m not the psychic, my friend is. I just kind of help make sense of it all and run interference.’

‘So you work with the police and all that?’

‘Most of the time, yeah. Speaking of which,’ he had unknowingly given her a way out of the conversation with his question and she decided to jump on it while she could, ‘I ran into one of the detectives I work with by the bar and I just remembered I have to run something by him. But Cait, why don’t you tell Aiden about your trip to Vegas last year. It’s a hell of a story, you’ll love it.’

She excused herself and quickly made her way across the room to where Lassiter was still seated with his own colleagues.

‘Hey guys, mind if I join you?’

‘Marley!’ Buzz was the first to greet her, pleasantly surprised to see the woman, ‘of course not, take a seat!’

The other offices gave her a friendly nod in greeting, familiar with the woman but not as close with her as Buzz and Lassiter were.

‘How’s married life treating you, Buzz?’ she asked as she took the empty seat next to Lassiter.

‘Really great! I mean, things haven’t really changed much, all things considered, but Francine and I just feel a lot closer, and it’s like we’re back in the honeymoon phase,’ his face lit up at the mention of his beloved wife, never one to pass up the opportunity to talk about her.

‘I’m glad to hear it,’ she responded with a smile. It was clear the man was absolutely smitten with his wife, and it warmed her heart to listen to him gush about her.

‘What brings you over here, Williams?’ Lassiter cut in, ever the wet blanket.

‘Well, to be completely honest, I missed you, Lassie,’ she battered her eyelashes at the detective, laying the false charm on thick, unable to resist teasing him – someone had to pick up the slack with the boys absent.

‘Oh really?’ came his dry response, only slightly amused by her attempt at flattery, though he’d never admit it.

‘Yeah, we were having such a nice chat over at the bar, and we don’t get to see each other much outside of work, so I thought I’d come and hang out for a bit.’

‘Right. Nothing to do with the new addition to the group, I’m sure.’

She was surprised he had noticed, had he kept looking back to check on her like she had with him? ‘He might have played a small part.’

‘Want me to scare him off?’ he offered, ‘a quick flash of my badge and I’m sure he’ll split.’

‘While that’s a very kind and somewhat tempting offer, it’s fine. Caitlyn, one of my co-workers, seems fond of him for reasons that escape me. And I’m just about ready to call it a night anyway.’

‘What? No!’ Buzz spoke up, not liking that idea, ‘it’s still early, and we were just talking about this guy Mike booked today – it’s a wild story!’

‘I don’t want to intrude, I already kind of forced my way over here.’

‘It’s fine, and trust me, you’ll want to hear it!’

‘Alright alright, I’ll stay for another drink or two.’

~}i{~

She ended up staying back later than she planned, falling into comfortable conversation with the small group of officers she was slowly getting to know - inviting themselves to their crime scenes and hijacking their cases didn’t leave a lot of room for socialisation between the psychics and the officers.

After a couple more drinks, one of the officers received a call from his wife and took that as his cue to leave, and his friend being his ride left with him. Shortly after that Buzz headed off, leaving Marley and Lassiter alone to get to know one another better.

‘So, what made you move to Santa Barbara of all places?’

‘Honestly? I threw a dart at a map and this is where it landed.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Well, it landed a bit further south, but I wasn’t sure if it was possible to live out on the Channel Islands, so I decided here was close enough.’

‘That’s all? You moved here because a dart told you to?’

‘Yeah, I needed a change and had no idea where to go, so I decided to take a chance.’

‘And if it didn’t work out?’

‘Then at least I’d know I tried,’ seeing that he still wasn’t convinced she decided to explain herself further, ‘the thing is, I feel like I’ve been paralysed by indecision and fear my whole life. My best memories coming from the few times I’d taken a chance and done something impulsive, so I figured I’d give it another shot. Worst case scenario, it doesn’t work out and I go back home with a good story to tell.’

‘Huh,’ he found her words interesting, having always been someone who planned out his next move 5 steps in advance with clear goals for what he wanted. He had to admit, he found her bravery admirable.

‘What about you? Have you always lived here?’

‘Yeah, born and raised. My family is here and I’ve never really felt the need to move.’

‘You’re lucky, there’s nothing where I’m from and it’s a 15-hour drive to the next big city and you’re still in the middle of nowhere.’

‘That explains a lot.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘Nothing, nevermind.’

‘Hmm,’ she wasn’t convinced, but not in the mood to hear any of his snide comments or insults she continued on, ‘you mentioned your family, any siblings?’

‘One, a younger sister.’

‘Nice, I’ve got an older one myself.’

~}i{~

They spoke a bit more about how they came to be where they are, their families and childhoods. It was nice to get a chance to actually talk to each other, their relationship up to this point being that of simple colleagues.

‘I think your friends have all left,’ his observation came after performing a quick scan of the room, finding it odd that no one had come to collect her.

She turned to search the room, realising he was right when she couldn’t spot any of her co-workers on the dance floor or by the bar.

‘Damnit! This is why I hate depending on people for rides, now I’ve gotta find another way home. Not to mention I’m sure to get an earful on Monday for ditching them.’

‘Well, I can’t help with the lecture, but I can give you a ride home.’

‘Are you sure? I live a few blocks from the hospital so if it’s out of your way don’t worry about it.’

‘Not at all, besides, I’d rather go out of my way and make sure you got home safe than leave you to find your own way back.’

‘Thanks Lassie, I really appreciate it,’ she was pleasantly surprised by his kindness, any other time he was happy to leave her and the guys out to dry, seemingly enjoying their suffering.

‘Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find a way for you to pay me back.’

‘Oh goodie,’ there it was. She knew there had to be a catch somewhere.

‘And what do you mean you hate depending on people for rides? I thought Guster was your personal driver at this point.’

‘That’s because Gus hates my driving. Thinks it’s ‘unsafe’ or whatever.’

‘Unsafe?’

‘Don’t worry about it, he’s just a wus.’

~}i{~

The following Monday at work, she received some playful reprimands for disappearing on her co-workers, but the tone of the conversation quickly changed when the subject of who she ditched them for came up.

‘Who was the cute guy you were sitting with?’

‘Yeah, if I knew you were taken I wouldn’t have introduced you to Aiden.’

‘Huh? You mean Lassiter? No no, he’s just a friend. If that even. More of an acquaintance. Colleague? That works too, I guess.’

‘Well whoever he is, he seemed pretty taken with you.’

Marley couldn’t help the bark of laughter that left her, ‘nah, no way. Me and the guys are just a thorn in his side, he was just being nice because the others were there with us.’

‘If you say so, but when we left for the next bar, it was just the two of you and he still seemed interested. That’s why we just let you be.’

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you act like that around a guy either.’

‘True! Whenever a guy came near her last night she clammed up, but with this Lassiter it was like she couldn’t get enough.’

‘You guys are crazy. I just find the guy fun to talk to, he’s a real type-A kind of person, fun to stir up. That’s all.’

‘Hmm, sure.’

‘If you say so.’

‘Hey, if you’re not interested, feel free to send him my way. I thought he was pretty handsome.’

‘He was! And you said he was a detective, right? That’s kind of hot, and I love a guy in uniform!’

Not getting the reaction out of her that they were hoping for, they soon changed the subject. Though their teasing words kept playing on her mind. Why did the idea of Lassiter liking her make her feel kind of giddy? Why did their comments on his appearance make her realise that he was in fact an attractive man? And why did their joking about going after him themselves make a funny feeling form in her stomach?

He was just a friend, right?

[away-ward]

I really don’t understand Alex at all and I genuinely don’t like her . From the first time she was introduced I didn’t like her. If she hadn’t become friends with rika she wouldn’t even be in the books so much . She’d just be wills friend . And I find it so weird how every single time she introduces herself she says “ Alex palmer . I’m wills friend “ like we get bitch you are close . And she was doing too much trying to become friends with banks . And why does Will admire Alex so much ? What about Emory like hellooooo. Idk it bothered me a lot how close will and Alex are . And also the fact that Will does NOT understand Emory at all . Don’t kill me but I think Damon and Emory would’ve made a great couple cause they actually understand each other idk .

I haven’t talked extensively about Alex in a while, so why not now?

I myself was pretty indifferent to Alex at first. She was just there – she was a tool to send a message. It’s one of the most annoying parts of Corrupt, in my opinion. We’re force fed PD’s thoughts on something through their characters, though Alex is a bit easier to swallow than Rika’s spontaneous class speech about the new generation.

In Corrupt, Alex is meant to be a role model for Rika, who wants to break out of this good girl mold she’s been forced into. Alex introduces Rika to the reality that girls can have sex, for a good time and/or for money, and still be a decent person. Girls can also have sex with girls! Novel thought, that is.

It’s through Alex that Rika is able to become a more realized version of herself. She’s opened to new ideas and experiences that she has always been thinking somewhere in the back of her head. Except now she can say them without fear of judgement, all thanks to Alex and Michael.

However, as has been discussed, Corrupt was written without the three follow-ups in mind. Alex’s progression with the group was never planned. But PD loved her and so did fans. There needed to be another reason for Alex to stick around. A common pick-me girl quality is that they can’t be friends with other girls, but this has never been a problem with Rika or Alex. There would have been no problem with Alex just appearing every once in a while, as Rika’s college friend.

This is where is starts to get irritating. In Corrupt, Alex doesn’t really do anything deserving of the horsemen’s favor. Will likes her, but Will likes a lot of girls. He brings her out to Thunder Bay but pays no attention to her (on page). It’s clear that she’s Rika’s friend, not theirs. Now that Rika didn’t need her anymore – other than a neutral friend she occasionally joked about having sex with but never actually engaged with despite the group’s dynamic – what was Alex supposed to do?

PD’s solution is to shift Alex’s mainstay in the group from Rika to Will. In Hideaway, Will is no longer paying Alex for her company. In Kill Switch, she’s his "best friend" to replace Damon. And in Nightfall, she’s his reflection. All the things it would be natural for Alex to do with Rika she now does with Will because Rika doesn’t need her anymore.

To be clear, I don’t think PD planned on Will and Alex becoming as close as they were. I think as PD started getting the sense of Will’s story, it made sense by that point in time, they'd have a strong connection. It also gave PD a chance to satisfy Alex’s fans demanding a HEA, and their own desire to see Alex happy.

When I say I don’t mind Alex’s role in the series, I am specifically talking about her friendship with Will and her role as the group’s gopher. That's not a bad role to have, and if executed well, could have been interesting. What I hate about Alex is that she has a habit of putting people in situations that aren’t always good for them, that they don’t want to be in, and she has plot armor. No character, but especially a side character, should have plot armor. It would be one thing if she crossed the line occasionally but also faced consequences for it. It would be one thing if there were things asked of her that she was never able to fulfill, either because of lack of skill or it made her uncomfortable, or she simply didn't want to. But it never fails, no matter what happens, Alex is perfect.

And perfect characters just aren’t interesting to me.

There is the additional issue that PD loves Alex, and therefore the narrative never implies that Alex can be wrong.

Take Rika for example. She and Michael frequently argue, and while it’s annoying, I can see both sides of their issues, and I’m never told who’s side I should be on. With Alex, the narrative always implies I’m supposed to see her point of view; I’m supposed to be on her side; for all her failings, she’s sympathetic.

Sorry, but I don’t buy it. Never trust a character that’s always right.

But that’s my thoughts. Let’s address some of yours.

She’d just be wills friend

I think it’s interesting how even though she’s been tied to Will, she’s still different. Kai, Damon, and Will sleep around until their love interest enters the scene, but we don’t see any of those girls sticking close. So why does Alex get the exemption. Until Hideaway, she’s not doing anything that make her invaluable to the group. And after that, she basically becomes whatever they need when they need it.

Kai needs a personal shopper? Well good thing Alex is a fashionista.

Rika needs a friend to teach defense classes with? Well good thing Alex has a deep interest in promoting women’s rights. Never mind how she had the time to reach the level that she can teach in less than a year. It’s Alex.

Banks needs a girl to help her get out of her shell, but she doesn’t trust Rika? Well, good thing we have Alex.

Alex’s character was never meant to go anywhere, and if PD didn’t love her so much, she wouldn’t have even been Will’s special friend. She’d be the escort that lives in the build that they occasionally hire to help in some circumstances because she’s discreet.

why does Will admire Alex so much ? What about Emory like hellooooo

My opinion is that Will equally admires both. That’s why Alex knows about Emory before they meet – Will’s already talked her up. But by the time Emory, Alex, and Will are in the same room, Will is already so angry at Emory that his admiration it can’t come through.

The boys like Alex because she acts and thinks like them – she has no shame, doesn’t need any one’s approval, does what she wants, and has a good time doing it. It’s what actually makes her a pick-me girl. If it weren’t for her being so highly feminine, she’d be just one of the guys.

Then, when they understand that she doesn’t come from privilege like them, but built herself up, they give her their respect. And to be clear: it’s admirable that Alex faced the loss of her friends and scholarship. That’s a huge blow, especially at 18, and the fact that she was able to find away to support herself without missing a beat is a feat that should be recognized. It’s everything else about her that I have trouble accepting.

But I’ve said this before and I still believe it, Alex’s success does not diminish Emory’s by any means. Just because Alex can do all that with a smile on her face doesn’t mean that Emory surviving is less noteworthy just because she’s depressed. Likewise, Emory being mean because her life is incredibly difficult doesn’t make her more realistic that Alex. They approached two difficult situations with different methods and both should be recognized for it.

Will just has an easier time with Alex than with Emory. Alex doesn’t challenge his view of the world or his circumstances. Alex doesn’t expect more from him. Alex puts up with his bare minimum effort. There’s comfort and resting, which we all need at time, and then there’s wallowing in self-pity. It’s easier for Will to appreciate Alex’s success because he never wanted to be apart of it. Emory also succeed on her own, but he wanted to be apart of that story and she refused to let him. He’s bitter for sure, but he doesn’t deny that she’s done it.

also the fact that Will does NOT understand Emory at all

I kind of do disagree with this take. Will understands Emory very well. But again, there are times when he’s too clouded by anger to accept her. To me, understanding and accepting are two different things. When Will accepts Emory for who she is, instead of what he tries to convince himself she is, that his understanding really shines.

Don’t kill me but I think Damon and Emory would’ve made a great couple cause they actually understand each other idk .

See, I only see Damon and Emory working under a very specific set of circumstances. But outside of that I think they’re too similar. Yeah, they understand each other because they went though years of abuse, but they both need people who live outside of that world. They’d find comfort in someone who can identify with and validate their experiences, but they also need people who will push them not to live only with that in view. For better or worse, Will and Winter fill that role for them.

But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t read a Damon/Emory fic! I’m so interested in seeing how someone else would make it work.

This is probably a lot more than you were expected. Sorry about that. I just had a few thoughts about Alex dying to get out, and with your message, they refused to stay in any longer. Hope you don't mind!

Thanks for the message. I know my opinions on Alex are a tad bit more relaxed than others, but it's still interesting to see how divisive she is as a character.

[gnomeyflamingo]

✮ A Love So True ✮

Atreo has spent the day leading up to prom distracting himself from his ever growing paranoia by fishing so much he got promoted to Llamacorn Scout!

Also Acco got a visitor!

Acco: “Denise, hi! How are you?"

Denise: “Been busy. Neighbourhood stories killed my parents."

Acco: “Woah, I'm sorry! This is so awkward, I don't know what to do with my arms!🥴️"

Denise: "You're hilarious Acco. It's ok, my sad moodlets are long gone."

Atreo: “Looking good! You can’t even tell that I’m petrified beyond belief of what the Watcher is going to do to me and Asmara. And my cheeks are silky smooth, just the way I like them.”

*gets a message from Asmara*

Atreo: “Oh I’m SO ready.”

Alejandro: “You look amazing! I’m gonna take so many pictures.”

Brielle: “My grown up boy, going to his first prom! You look so handsome and those are some soft cheeks!"

Acco: "Why are we making a big deal out of this? Doesn't prom happen weekly?"

Alejandro: “This might be Atreo’s only prom. With his grades he'll probably graduate early soon."

Brielle: “Proud! Go out, have fun. Like a lot of irresponsible fun with strangers. Sow those wild oats."

Acco: “What a weird thing to say." Brielle: "I’m just being supportive."

Atreo makes his way next-door to pick up his beloved girlfriend he's so devoted to 😒

Atreo: “Hello Mrs Banks, I’m here to take Asmara to prom.”

Ariella: “Oh please, call me Ariella. It’s nice to see you again Atreo. You’ve grown up so fast, don’t the sim days just fly by?”

Ariella *calls out*: “Asmara, Atreo’s here!”

Landon: “Good to see you Atreo. Sorry that we didn’t hear you screaming from the balcony.”

Ariella: “We were being pretty loud ourselves. Have they caught the escaped convict yet?”

Atreo: “Nope, she’s still on the run. Plus she's a vampire."

Landon: “How concerning. I’m sure the scouts will take care of it.”

Ariella: “I don't know if Asmara told you yet, but I have big news to share; we're pregnant!”

Atreo: “Oh congrats!"

Asmara: "Here I come!"

Atreo: “You're so beautiful I had to sit down!”

Ariella: “You’re gorgeous honey, you… Slay?”

Asmara: “Don’t be embarrassing mom.”

Landon: “Lemme get a good picture of you Asmara. I want to capture this moment of happiness for you to treasure forever."

Asmara: *poses* “So what do you think Atreo?”

Atreo: “That you’re the embodiment of breath taking beauty and pure glittering perfection.”

Asmara: Omw, that’s one wordy compliment, so poetic. I love it.”

Atreo: “I brought you a tulip I picked from behind the Landgraab mansion offscreen.”

Asmara: “A tulip? I like tulips, thanks! And it matches my outfit.”

Atreo: “I only want the best for you bae.”

Asmara: “I know boo, you’re so good to me.”

Landon: “Okay say cheese lovebirds!”

Asmara: “Wow Atreo, your cheeks are so soft! I can’t stop kissing them!”

Ariella: “Aww this is so cute, more pictures Landon, I’m sure we’ll find room to hang them somewhere.”

Atreo: “I love you.”

Asmara: “I love you too bae.”

Atreo: “There- There’s something I need to tell you. I wanted to wait till after prom but you deserve to know.”

Asmara: “What is it?”'

Atreo: “So, uhm… The Watcher visited me in my dreams and told me I need to cheat on you. I told them that I would never do that to you.”

Asmara: “I can’t believe it, they were in my dreams too, convincing me to break up with you! Like I ever would!”

Ariella: “What’s this about the Watcher? If they're giving you such clear signs then, maybe-”

Asmara: “No! Atreo and I share a deep emotional connection. It's not like you and Landon, you just woohoo all the time. Do you even talk?!”

Atreo: “Hehe... Awkward…”

Asmara: “Come on Atreo, I've something for you before we go.”

Ariella: “Sweetie you know what happened to your dad, I’m scared for you. The Watcher-”

Asmara: “Ignore mum. She doesn’t get it.”

Atreo: “It’s ok. It seems only we get how true our love is."

Asmara: “Here it is, your gift! I painted it when you randomly stood still for like five hours in the cafeteria.”

Atreo: “Ah yeah, having burgers instead of brownies really confused me.”

Asmara: “You like it?”

Atreo: “I love it! It’s an excellent quality painting of me! That’s the best gift for a self assured sim like myself!”

Asmara: “I’m so glad!”

Atreo: “You’re so amazing and talented! I can’t believe you’re my girlfriend.”

Asmara: And I couldn’t be luckier to have you!”

Atreo: “I don’t know what I would ever do without you.”

Asmara: “You won’t ever be without me. Don’t even think about it.”

Atreo: “What about the Watcher and my challenge-”

Asmara: “Shh, only our love matters.” *kisses*

😈 We'll see about that

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❧ Back to the Legacy Archive

[secretsideofbree]

A lovely happy new years post on tumblr because I say so! If you read the last one, thank you for letting me yap, also that was to someone completely different but I hope it entertained you. LETS GET ON WITH THE SHOW SHALL WE!

Through this year, I went through so many changes. So did my hair. Purple, to pink, magenta, blue, red, teal, then back to red. It was a roller coaster guys.

What did change was my celebrity crushes. I still have a thing for Benjamin Wadsworth, I’ve had a crush on him for six years I think now? Maybe five. I forgot. But I had started Outer Banks this year, now Drew Starkey and Rudy Pankow have entered the chat.

For the people who dealt with my Drew Starkey obsession, it will get worse!

And besides that, I got into the X-Men universe, I started the comics, I’m almost through all the movies. All I have is Apocalypse, Dark Phoenix, The Wolverine and Logan.

I am not excited for Logan, but overall, it makes me happy.

I have no friends that like it sadly, I have to rant to my mom who knows nothing about it. So right now Im just acting crazy and talking to myself!

I feel like my friends think im weird enough, that’s why I don’t talk about any of that to them. Lucky them.

Anywhozel. I now have a crush on Hugh Jackman. And Ryan Reynolds. Life has been weird.

Moving onto the better parts of my life or this year. I met two of the most amazing girls. I could @ them but, they’re just going to have to find me 😜 (I know they’re reading this.)

My best friend Elena as she goes by on this platform has been a huge part of my life. Going through Summer school with me, understanding my episodes and feelings, and just being there. She makes me laugh. There were times where I was actually going to jump chat. But she always messages me at the right times making me feel okay again. She is 100% the auntie to my kids. The bridesmaid at my wedding and my wife if we don’t get married by 40! She started off as someone I thought was going to stop talking to me in a week and became the person I talk to 24/7. She’s my best friend. She makes me happy. She’s the one who is going to travel with me and eat foods all around the world with. She is the one I call if someone hurt me. She is the one. We’re going to get drunk together, high together, and be happy together. My mom always told me to pick a best friend with a beautiful soul or one with a good heart. I didn’t listen and chose both. She makes me happy. I can’t say that enough. She’s everything I want in a best friend. She’s beautiful too. Her smile means everything to me. Her eyes too. Her laugh always makes me happy. Makes me laugh too. I love you so much, and I hope this year gets us laid. No, seriously, I hope this year brings us happiness and less homework assignments.

Next to the person that saw me in a different light since last summer. You know who you are, I don’t want to @ you because I’m quite frankly scared you hate me right now. Anywhozel. I’m sorry I haven’t been responding. I had gained a fear of you hating me, which is kind of ironic. I feel like I’m too much for you, that my episodes will make you hate me. I’m hard to love. I’ve lost so much in my life, and for once I had something good and I ruined it. But this is to you babe, I miss you and I’m deeply sorry. You make me happy everyday. My parents love you, my brother especially. You made this December a little more bearable. Life sucks right now I know it does, but I want to try and make it easier for you. I want to help you breathe and take a break from everything. You deserve nothing but happiness in every lifetime and more importantly a break. You are so loved by me and everyone around you. It baffles me that some people don’t like you. Because you’re one of the most coolest, sweetest, and most beautiful person I know. Your eyes are so pretty. Your smile gives me heart a heart attack. Your face just lights up my day. And do not get me started on your music taste. You are literally the coolest person I know. Your CDs are amazing. It stuns me each time you show me. I’m so interested in learning about you and hopefully you letting me be in your life. I love you and I miss you.

For the people who will not see this because they don’t follow me. I love you too. You guys are pretty nice.

But thanks for sticking around. I’m not an easy person at all. My episodes, my issues, and just my personality, it’s a lot. But I owe a lot to you guys for being with me and suffering with me. Thank you all so much.

I BETTER SEE YOU NEXT YEAR

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 1991 I’m so bored and impatient and excited! I want to hurry up and check out that apartment. I hope Peter (the owner), who said his cousin’s undecided, gives the place to me as I know I want it for damn sure. I don’t know if I remembered to write about that before, but I guess his cousin, who’s getting divorced, saw the place and may be interested. I hope not. Yesterday, Kim spoke to Peter who said his cousin was still undecided and needed another day or two. That may be a good sign, though; him being undecided. Hopefully, he’ll go back to his wife and kids or maybe move out of state. Kim, however, seems to think he’s more on our side and would never have bothered to discuss it with us in the first place or have us come see it if I didn’t stand a chance. Let’s hope his cousin’s made up his mind for the better today!

Also, I hope the guy who’s in there now moves out before April 1st. The sooner the better.

All I’ll have to take care of, besides physically moving there will be SS, The bank, fuel assistance, and whatever happens with the police exam I passed. I also need to follow up with my doctor’s appointments as I should have done a long time ago. I’ll need a new asthma doctor and I need to see a GYN for this fucking yeast infection I always seem to have. I also need a dental checkup. I need to call fuel assistance anyway to find out what the hell’s going on with my checks. I really need them and I’m sick of waiting.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 1991 God, that apartment has so many features, that upon reading back a few pages, I realized I forgot one - ceiling fans.

I’ll write more about the apartment later but first, I passed the police officer exam!!! And can you believe I passed with 81%?! I wasn’t too sure about that test for a while and you know how I suck at math. Tammy even said not to be upset if I failed cuz they’re tough tests to pass.

Everyone’s now asking what’s next and I guess what’s next is I just wait. Wait and see what they say and if I move what they say.

So, that night at Kim and Mark’s place, Kim played the piano and I sang and played the piano, too. Kim is an awesome piano player. I would listen to her play songs without looking, then I showed her how I play by ear. She would play songs while I’d sing along. It was a lot of fun, then after a great home-cooked dinner, we went to the Hampshire Mall. At first, I told myself, you can look, but you can’t buy. Then I said to myself, wait a minute. I’m not buying a new stereo yet. I just got into a band that looks promising. I haven’t bought anything but Gloria’s new CD since last August. Fuck this, I’m going shopping!

So I did, and with perfect timing too, as I got a fantastic deal on this beautiful party dress. Or evening dress, as you’d call it. It’s perfect for performing. It was regularly $54 down to $10 and it’s a little big. It’s a 7/9 though I’m a 3/5 but for $10, I’ll make it fit. I’ve got to hem the sleeves and take it in, in the bust area since I’m so small, but it fits fine at the waist. I also bought a red skirt with a wide black belt. It’s the ruffled kind of skirt I like. Also, two pretty journals at a pretty nice price.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 1991 Due to my being up 21½ hours the last time I wrote, I never got to write more of my good news. Yes, believe it or not, I’ve got two fantastic things to write about. If all goes well with both of them, this will be my year for record-breaking luck and happiness and things going my way for once. I deserve it and I have a good feeling as far as both of these things go. Once again, I know I can count on my feelings.

I even called Anna B about my good news and she was happy for me and said she would like to get together with me. I told Jim and Jai about it, too. Steve said, “What did I always tell you about you wanting to be a singer? I told you it would all work out.”

He also told me it was so nice to see me happy. It’s great to finally feel this way. My horoscope was hinting at this the day before Susie told me I was in the band and now it’s hinting about the so-called relationship coming up soon in March. I guess it’s in mid-March. That’s what that psychic astrologer said over the phone. I think maybe Steve can foresee things too, as he said he feels I’ll hit the peak of fame by 1996, and then after that, I’ll meet the “right” woman. I never told Steve that year was the year I felt this would be the year, as well as the psychic astrologer. Also, he always said he felt I’d move before him and I may very well be moving. I’m 80% sure of it and that’s my other good news but I have something to say first as far as my predictions. I’m always either right or very, very close. I always had a feeling I’d get in a band by accident when I least expected it and always felt it may happen at home. I always felt that cuz I’m a homebody 95% of the time, fate would lead it to me at my door and then I’d take it from there. I was right all along on that one, too.

Later…

I took a quick break to talk to Brenda, a bite to eat and a cigarette, but I forgot to mention speaking to Mary D. I called there and said, “What’s up, butch?”

She goes, “Who’s this?”

And I said, “Just cuz it’s been a long time, do you think I’ve forgotten about what happened?” So, I expected her to start screaming at me and cussing me out and threatening me but she was friendly. I know it was sincere too, and not a trap.

She said it was done and over with and she just wanted to be friendly and I said if she wanted to fight, I’d fight her, but if she wanted to be friends, fine. I’ve got to call her back on Tuesday night and I’m simply going to tell her what I wasn’t able to tell her years ago. I’m just not into dykes as lovers. Being friends is one thing, but if they’re gonna be in my bed, they must be feminine.

The night I made prank calls to her while Margaret, her sister, was in the hospital in labor was wrong, and I can see if she came over to yell at me to knock it off, but you don’t try to beat someone up and trash their apartment over shit like that. Therefore, of course, I’m gonna fuck her over. Mary knows I did not hurt her, I simply restrained her but if she’d come back a second time I would have destroyed her. I’d have kicked her ass to Japan.

Ok, now I’m going to get on with my other good news. As I mentioned before, I feel as if I’ve known Kim for years. And her husband, too. I’ve only known her a few months, but if I gave her my keys to take care of Shadow if I was to go away, I know I could trust her.

She knows how desperately I want to move and why I decided not to go to Arizona or Connecticut, and now I have the band, too. So, one day she told me to come see her place which is one out of only two apartments on the top floor of a 3-story office building. She told me the guy could easily ask for $1,000 if he wanted to but cuz of who they are in town, they could have it for $525. Jesus, you’ve got to see this place before you can believe it! And I thought my place was huge and beautiful. My place is a joke. It’s 1200 square feet with a washer and a dryer, Jacuzzi, dishwasher, trash compactor, central AC, burglar alarm, sprinklers, and a microwave that’s better than mine. Everything is so glamorously modern. I don’t mean just plainly modern, it’s beautifully modern. It has skylights, too. Everything’s electric and I assumed the heating bill would be $50 - $100 a month, especially with cathedral ceilings, but she showed me both her electric bill and heating bill and they were both around $23. I know I’d be saving on the monthly charge on the phone bill as they do not offer 3-way or call-waiting and call-forwarding out there in Deerfield.

I called Tammy and told her about it and she seemed interested. I told her everything I just wrote and that Deerfield’s 40 minutes away. It’s like Longmeadow where everyone knows your name, but it doesn’t seem to have that stuck-up attitude like most ritzy towns do.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1991 I have got the news of my life!!! The news I’ve been waiting for for 25 years! I got in that band with Susie!!! Yes, I really, really did! I feel as if I’m dreaming such a fantastic dream that I can’t wake up from, but this is all real. It’s really happening. The band’s name is ERA and there are 5 people in the band besides me and Susie as the singers. She’s going to be taking me to a recording studio to meet the other band members. When she’s gonna do this, I don’t know. She’s going to call me. They perform 2-3 nights a week starting March 9th and she said I could expect to earn $600 a month on average. That’s $1,221 a month, counting my SS and Bill!

I called everyone about it including Tammy, Mom, Andy, Brenda, Steve, Philip and Martha. Next, I’ve got to tell Jai and Jimmy.

Believe it or not, I’m not done with the good news, so let me now mention that I saw Kim’s apartment. Man, is it huge!

I spent the day with her and her husband Mark who’s a cop in the town of Greenfield. They live in South Deerfield. I felt an unusual, yet immediate comfort with him and felt as if I’d known him for years like with Kim. Many people have told me that they’ve felt as if they’d known me for years, but you know me. I feel as though I can truly say that about someone once in a lifetime. Then again, I also know someone’s character the second I lay eyes on them. Besides psychic vibes, I’ve had a lot of experiences.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 1991 I feel shitty, so I’m not going to write much. I couldn’t fall asleep till almost noon yesterday and I had to get up at 6:00 and then an hour later I went grocery shopping. I have felt very groggy all day. Or night, I should say.

Kim called about a vacancy next door to her. She’s going to talk to the owner, but it’ll no doubt be too expensive.

I’m dead tired so I’m going to bed now.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 1991 Not a whole heck of a lot happened since I woke up last night at 7:00. I spoke to Brenda briefly, watched a movie while taping another, and talked with Steve.

I am totally wiped out of food. I may go shopping this morning. Brenda’s going to take me, I guess.

Bonny says she’s moving on March 1st and Brenda says she’s moving on April 1st. I feel like I’m losing everybody. Andy’s moving, Brenda’s moving, Jimmy’s moving. Before I know it, Steve will be moving and I’ll be left behind with no one. I’ll be damned, though, if I’m going to move into a project. I don’t care if the neighborhood it’s in is better or not.

About singing, yeah well ha, ha. That Susan girl will no doubt, not come through. I don’t think I can count on anything coming up with her. But will I ever be able to count on anything pertaining to music? Sometimes I wonder. I wonder how I can keep surviving. When I’m gonna break down and lose my mind. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to or to live for. If there is truly a God, I can’t even compromise and sacrifice with him. I prayed for him to take away the right woman and a baby if he must, but to please let me have my music. Why was I dumb enough to keep hoping and believing in the first place? I keep telling myself there’s no way and why, but the vision won’t go away. Why? Why, oh why, oh why? What’s left for me now?

I wish Nervous would call me. I really miss him despite his mouth and his attitude. I have not seen Nervous for many, many months. I called him where he works at the Bucket of Suds Laundromat. He still works at Feinstein’s Leather, too. For the last couple of months I’ve called him, be it by myself or with Fran or Andy, he’s hung up instantly on us but this time he spoke to me. I simply told him I was sincere about wanting him to visit me and that any shit I’ve pulled in the past had been cuz of his mouth and his attitude. I never hated Nervous. Just some of his ways. To tell you the truth, I miss that sucker. I think back in my mind to the days when he was in the worst of his obsession with me on Oswego St. and it really was funny. I really had a lot of fun playing with his head and everyone knows he enjoyed it, too. Anyone not enjoying it wouldn’t have stuck around as long as he did.

What made him flee, though, was definitely Andy. He got tired of competing with him and he knew he could never mean to me what Andy does. And you know Andy and I have had our share of problems, too. Another thing is how I finally let him start meeting my girlfriends if you know what I mean. I miss playing “dead phone line” with him and also the crossed call-waiting game. I wish I could make things like they used to be with him for a while and then get rid of him once I started getting really sick of him again. True, there’s only so much I can take of the guy before I want to kill him.

I want to get some more really heated-up fights over the phone with him and Fran so I can tape them. I need more edits of him. The old ones are classics and I’ll always love them and find them funny as all hell, but it’s time for new ones. Nervous never liked his edits. He just never had that kind of a sense of humor even if they were never played for his boss, among other people. But then again maybe he would. It’s not as if he has no sense of humor. Of course, Nervous is not the type to make prank phone calls, other than the calls he made to me. He never said anything, though. It was simply a case of wanting to hear the girl’s voice that he was so obsessed with. See if I’m home, who I’m with, what I might say. But to call people with funny last names, people you hate or just dial random numbers, no way. It just wasn’t in him.

I can say I’m really quite proud of myself to stick with something besides music or music-related projects for so long. I have been keeping journals since 10/27/1987. I was 21 years old. In fact, I think I’m going to go read back to kill time.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 1991 Well, sure enough, but not surprisingly enough, I woke up with a bad attack yesterday. It wasn’t the worst attack, but it wasn’t very fun either. I had too many cigarettes. I didn’t get up till 7:00 cuz I kept waking up a billion times. I fell asleep near 10:00 yesterday morning and if I had been able to sleep straight through I’d have woken up at 5:00. It’s going to be a heck of a while before I fall asleep and I’ve got Bill coming around 6:30 tonight.

I need to psych myself up to quit smoking again. I hate this feeling of having pressure on me and feeling like I can’t take control. These cigarettes have such power over me and I don’t like it. But then again look at all the other powers and controls I’ve had over other things. I don’t mean just psychic powers either. Speaking of psychic powers, it just gets weirder all the time. It’s developing more and more that it’s almost too hard to believe and accept. My nana Bella always told me that if you have a gift, don’t question it, just accept it and use it. I guess she’s right and I have to consider my “bad vibes” as a gift when I remember the fire.

If I ever do run into Mark B, who set that fire, I don’t think he’d want to look in the mirror for quite a while.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 1991 I am now in the ER waiting for Brenda to get her nose checked. It feels good to be here, not needing to be here as a patient for once. I guess Brenda and Bonny were babysitting for Paul and Kathy’s kids and Brenda went to the store and got punched out. Brenda called me from Kathy’s asking me if I would go to the ER with her. Naturally, I said yes since she’s taken me here before, but as I was waiting, Andy came over. Andy and I both figured at first that she went to buy drugs and got robbed or that they just beat her up. According to Brenda, though, she went out to get cigarettes for her and Bonny when a guy came up to her and she rolled down her window. I asked her why she’d roll her window down and she said for all she knew, he could’ve been asking for directions. The guy, however, was insisting that she buy drugs and she refused and his girlfriend punched her in the nose. She also spit all over her window, which I saw and as Brenda was trying to back out her car kept stalling and the girl threw a bottle at her windshield. The windshield wasn’t broken, but you could see that something had spilled out all over it. She insists she wouldn’t lie about that or Gail to me or Bonny and she has mentioned it when she’s done it. Drugs, I mean. Also, I was over earlier and Gail was begging her to get high with her and she kept refusing. Why she associates with people like Gail, I’ll never know. Brenda says, “She’s got problems, you can’t push her away for that.” I said she most certainly could if this girl is only out to hurt her and be a bad influence on her. Gail’s gonna keep on influencing Brenda to get high with Brenda till Brenda dies. Bonny said that and Bonny’s right about that one. When she was on the phone with Gail, I kept yelling in the background for her to go get high with someone else or do it herself. If Brenda’s not gonna be firm enough, then her friends will be. It’s too bad Brenda’s wimpy and has this problem cuz she’s such a good person. Too good a person to have to be going through this kind of shit. She deserves better and she deserves to be better.

Later…

Earlier I was all set to go to bed but now I’m wide awake. I’ve had plenty of cigarettes and I pray I don’t wake up sick.

Earlier I was listening to music when a strange feeling came over me. It was weird as I was remembering the fire we had here a little over a year ago. Then that funny feeling came as I was taking off my headphones I could hear yelling and sirens. At first, I thought it was a drug bust till I looked out my window and saw tons of fire trucks. I also saw tons of smoke coming out of a 4th-floor window. The firemen were on a huge ladder with their hoses. Not surprisingly enough, it’s one of the major crack buildings on Locust St. near the Red Lion Cafe. I just hope no kids or innocent victims were hurt. I don’t think anyone was hurt, though. Also, I don’t think there are any “innocent” people in that building so hopefully, they’ve been evacuated. That’ll make one less crack house on the street.

I’m going to try and get some sleep now. I want to be up by 5:00 or 6:00. That way I’ll have time to wake up, eat and take a shower.

Andy may come over but I told him to call first, and he better cuz at 9:00 I’ll be watching a movie while taping another. Since I can’t tape them both at once, I’ll need to watch one.

Oh, one more thing, Kevin got a subpoena today to appear in court on charges of annoying phone calls. That’s the name this phone is now in. That was Andy’s idea to choose a name from one of the characters of Twin Peaks.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 1991 Brenda is a major crackhead. About 3 or 4 months ago, Bonny and Dave got her hooked on crack by tricking her into it. They, I guess, put it in a bowl without telling her what it was. I assume Brenda figured it was pot. Now Bonny blames Dave for this, but I believe Brenda when she says Bonny knew exactly what Dave was doing. I know Bonny’s type and she’s already proven herself a pathological liar to me, Andy, and other people. Let me also say that ever since I confronted Bonny with her lies and offered her a “try” at beating my ass she’s been a major sweetheart to me. I told her if she wanted to be nice, I’ll be nice and if she wanted to fight, we could do it at her place, my place, the hall, outside or wherever. So, anyway, as I was saying, Brenda smokes pot occasionally and used to smoke coke here and there, but quit two years ago. I know Brenda’s no liar and she knows she has a problem and wants to do something about it, but goddamn it, is that all I ever can get?!?!?! Don’t I deserve better for once? All I can get is dope heads, loud obnoxious mental cases or shy, geeky, wimpy type mental cases. Damn, can’t I get anyone both emotionally and financially stable for once? And when oh when am I gonna get someone I’m really attracted to? I’m 25 years old goddamn it. I want to feel that true sexual spark and overwhelming feeling for once. I’m bored with the so-so-looking ones. I also feel I deserve my ideal type of person with the qualities in them I want. Of course, I’m not asking for Miss Perfect, but can’t I come close for once?

Other than Brenda’s problems which are 10 times worse than mine, she is a good person who’s far from ugly and I know she still has true feelings for me but I’m not stupid either. She always comes over saying, “I miss you and I love you,” when she’s horny. She hardly comes over just to visit and we never do nonsexual things together and we never really talk. She’s too quiet although she has been talking more. She told me she noticed I’m talking less and I’ve changed a lot and I don’t push her away as much, then what did she do earlier? Well, yesterday I mentioned I got my hair trimmed and I went over and said she did a good job and Brenda goes, “Yeah, but I’m not in the mood to talk about your hair.” I told her she’s been talking to me non-stop about the fights she and Bonny have been having for the last month or so and I haven’t pushed her away. Or jumped down her throat and hacked her head off. So, I got up and left and she called me apologizing saying she felt shitty from withdrawal.

I have fully accepted the fact that I’ll never get first best, but damn am I sick of second best! That’s why I’ve been spending so much time alone too, and there’s always way more bad than good when I get involved with someone, and there shouldn’t be. That’s how I know I’m with the wrong person. They say when you meet the right person, you’ll know it, and I believe that. I’ve met them, they’ve just been taken or not interested in me. Again, I either do it right or I don’t do it at all. Better to take care of yourself, than to be taken care of by the wrong person.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 1991 The last week has taken a weird turn but a nice one, I hope. First of all, I’m definitely not going to Phoenix cuz I just can’t see myself selling every single thing I own except for the clothes on my back. A move should be happy, exciting and adventurous in every way. It should be much more secure. Especially as big of a move as that. Not sad, stressful and miserable, too. You know me, I either take my time and do it right or I don’t do it at all.

Russ and I went to see that mediator who was a very obvious butch. Ugly as all hell, but very nice. Very on my side, too. I simply told Russ that if he drops the eviction, I won’t press charges in small claims court. He did. After getting home from that meeting, I made a stop by the apartment Eddie and Jo L used to live in. Before I begin explaining why I stopped there, let me back up a bit. About a month or so ago I met this girl Susan in the laundry room. As we were talking I learned she’s a singer who has sung quite a bit in Springfield and also New York. I told her I sang and that was my goal and she asked me to stop by but I was on my negative “I give up” streak due to all the shit I’ve been through.

It’s going to be so hard losing Andy despite the differences we’ve had in the past. We love each other to death and always will even though I’ve had many a desire to mutilate him here and there. I hope, however, he goes to Phoenix, discovers it’s all he’s wanted it to be and I can save money and join him someday.

So, as far as Sue goes, I finally said, what the fuck? If I don’t gain I have nothing to lose. I stopped by, left my number with her roommate Jen and she called me when she got in and came up. We harmonized together and it sounded great. She had a cold and I felt I sang a little better but she’s still good and probably much better with no cold. She sings pretty much all over, but usually not in the winter. She has a band and all that and performs 3 times a month. 3 weekends a month, I mean. I asked her how much she usually made a month and she said $1600. I don’t think she meant the whole band, either. That was just her money. She said she did an anniversary and made $200 and that was just in 3 hours. Hey, I don’t care if it’s the shittiest pay as long as it’s singing and not doing nothing or doing something I hate.

Kathy, Bonny’s sister-in-law, trimmed my hair today. She did a great job. She also did a great job on Bonny’s hair and on her daughter’s hair. Kathy trimmed my bangs and trimmed half an inch, straight across the bottom. God, have I got split ends, though! Oh, I’d say 8 out of every 10 hairs are split. That doesn’t necessarily mean only once either. I have some that are split up to 6 or 7 times.

By the 23rd of this month, it’ll be 120 days since the police exam I took so I guess I’ll be notified soon. I always knew I’d make a good cop but I also figured that at the same time, it wasn’t meant to be. Not now, for sure as there’s going to be a default warrant out for me cuz of Jenny’s shit on March 6th. Like I said before, Jenny got all she deserved and I’m not giving her the satisfaction of coming to court. Andy says the cops I know will take care of the warrant. I thought about that, but I can’t count on that.

Most of all, I very well may have flunked that test. You know my math sucks.

I spoke to Jai and Jenny. Jenny’s now living with Jai on Mattoon St. I hope they like it still, but I know Jai hates the landlord.

I left a message for Debbie at PCS to call me. I spoke to her a few days ago and I told her my “feelings” said she was gay, and she is. She’s now on break.

Later…

Andy came over stoned out of his mind but in a good mood. Tomorrow’s Andy’s b-day. He’s gonna be 29. I gave him a card and a bag of hard candy. He’s leaving next month and he’s still saying how much he wants me to come with him. Of course, I wish I could go too, but I just can’t sell everything. Also, even though Jimmy offered to store my stuff in the new house he’s buying, he’s still not sure he’s getting the house and when. He may not get it for several more months.

I thought of calling Philip about storing my stuff but never bothered figuring he’d say no.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1991 Well, I was right about the snow date I predicted right after the big snowstorm last December 28th. The vibe was really weak, though, probably cuz it only snowed 10 minutes yesterday, February 11th.

Andy’s going to Phoenix at the beginning of next month and I doubt I’ll be going, too. My sister and my parents refuse to help me. You know how Ma is. It’s either her way or no way.

Jimmy’s buying a house and he’s offered to store my stuff there, which is nice, but then how am I going to get it cross-country? It’ll take me quite a while to save the money to ship it across. I’d rent a furnished apartment but Andy wouldn’t get an apartment till he gets a job. He doesn’t have guaranteed money like I do from disability (he’s taking the money his folks gave him and he’s going to stay with friends he knows that used to live here, till he gets on his feet). The other alternative would be to sell all my stuff and I really don’t want to do that. The last alternative is to wait and save the money to move out by shipping my stuff and by me flying out but that would cost a pretty penny. I’d have to work part-time for several months like Tammy said. If I do get out there, I’ll work part-time hopefully in a restaurant with Andy. Perhaps I could call Philip, but I seriously doubt he’d help me. I want to go to Phoenix not only for my music, but I need a change. It’s cheaper to live there and it’s warmer but there’s no humidity. Also, it’s great for asthma and allergies and all the apartments have pools and air conditioning.

Tomorrow I am going to see a mediator with Russ about our so-called heating problem that he’s dying to resolve. I told him I know he’s sincere, and he is, but I’m going to tell it like it is. I have to meet him there at 4:00. Brenda’s taking me.

I feel bad for Brenda cuz I know she’ll miss me if I move and that she still loves me. I’ll miss her too, of course, and I love her still, but not like she does. She’s a very honest and sincere person, but I’m not overwhelmed by her looks and she’s not quite my type as great as she is. But of course you know there was something there or I’d never have slept with her in the first place. I’d have only been her friend. She’s far from ugly or a bad person, but that’s the way it always is. They’re either way more into me, or I’m way more into them.

Bonny has been a major sweetheart for a long time now. Ever since I confronted her about her lies and offered for her to “try” and kick my ass.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1991 As usual, I have another horrible cold where I just can’t stop fucking sneezing or blowing my nose.

I really want to perform tonight, believe it or not, but I still don’t feel too good. I woke up at 11:00 this morning with a bad attack that lasted till 5:00 this afternoon. I put my humidifier on, took some Sudafed and drank two cups of tea.

Andy will be over later so I can record his Dark Shadows show, and so we can call Tammy. I’ll write more about what we’re gonna talk to Tammy about later. Right now I have to go pee and make some more tea.

What I had was bad withdrawal too, since I had not smoked for 18 hours.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 1991 I feel like my whole life’s come to an end. In a month Andy’s moving to Phoenix and the only place my mother will move me to is Connecticut. Here I watch my best friend go and follow his dream, while mine gets further and further away. Maybe what I swore was meant to be for 25 years is only a dream I’ll dream and never do. But if it isn’t really meant to be then why is the vision still so damn clear? It gets clearer and clearer all the time. My voice gets better and better but it’s like a tease if I can never use it the way I want to. I never said I wouldn’t work for the music but if I’m never going to be in the right place, then what’s the point?

My mother’s so hung up on controlling me and having me where she wants me to be and doing what she wants me to do. Hey, it’s better than Valleyhead, right? And if anyone’s used to having to settle for second best, it’s me. Some people get everything they want. Some people get some of the things they want. Some people get none of the things they want.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 1991 I called and talked one on one with a psychic and you know I believe in them after the “strange” things I’ve done. I’ll write more about what I’ve done another time. Meanwhile, this woman told me everything I’ve always felt. Here goes:

You will try to quit smoking again and fail and you may feel bummed out, but don’t cuz in 6 months you won’t be smoking anymore.

If you ever have a baby, you won’t be a young mother, you may be between 33-35.

Fame will come in 7 years, and when I’m just starting to make it in 1994 or so, I’ll meet Linda. Maybe not Gloria for a while as she’s skittish about meeting new people.

I may live in L.A. for a while, then maybe have a huge home in Santa Barbara.

Be prepared for a potential break-in, in March of 1993. I won’t be living here at the time.

This March I’ll meet a woman with very long dark hair 5’ 2”-5’ 4” and see her on and off for 6 months. The problem will be me as I’ll be unsure, as usual, or thinking, “This woman is too good to be true.”

I’ll meet another woman at the end of this year or very beginning of next who has light to medium brown hair just below her shoulders. She’ll be 5’ 6” and we’ll have more in common, although she won’t be as well off financially.

To me, it sounds like another Kacey followed by another Brenda.