#I didn’t forget nothing
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“You forgot your nightwear at home” of course I did.
“So you had to borrow one of his shirts, the hem falling to your mid thigh” of course it did.
#fuck off im so tired of it#don’t tell me that I’ve left my clothes at home#you’ve never met me#Overpacker of the century#I have a whole list#I didn’t forget nothing#and I know for a fact that 2cm wide man’s shirt is far from oversized on me#I have a massive rack#so I don’t think so
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missing someone bad for you
trista mateer / trista mateer / sue zhao / u.k / u.k / clementine von radics / trista mateer
#web weaving#webweaving#on loneliness#on grief#on missing someone#on love#quotes#poetry#text#i miss them so bad it aches! i want to cry in their lap again! i want to tell them about everything! i want the world to stop ending!#i was treated like a dog. i left on my own but i still miss the doghouse in the backyard#it wasn’t much but it was something. i should’ve taken what little i could get. i didn’t know that i would leave and get nothing instead#the decision to eat nothing instead of the scraps on the floor is insane. and now i’ve got nobody and we’ll never talk again#there’s a person with half of my soul walking around and i can’t do shit about it#i forget them for a moment but then i see them in my instagram notifs and i blow up the world
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Echo during his time with the 501st: doing body shots, dancing on tables, blowing things up in the barracks with Fives, creating chaos with Fives, doing keg stands, complaining about them leaving the club “too early” even though it’s four in the morning, being the reason that new rules were added to the reg manuals, generally being an absolute terror
Echo during most of his time with the Bad Batch: tucking kids in, telling bedtime stories, always carrying healthy snacks, in bed by nine, putting people in time-out, telling “kids” to behave, tending to sick “kids”, being the only one to put their foot down and shut down any shenanigans, generally being a mom and an absolute angel (of course this is when he isn’t being the absolute badass that he is and always had been since let’s not forget that he’s an ARC Trooper)
#echo has the energy of a mom who was a former sorority party girl who is now in bed by nine and only prepares organic snacks for her kiddos#I regularly imagine him watching one of his siblings (Crosshair most likely) being absolutely irritable and hangry#and just wordlessly pulling out an array of snacks and handing one to them#he probably tucks omega in at night and tells her fun stories about his past#he’s the mom but he’s also a cool and badass mom don’t forget that he’s an ARC trooper#the rest of the batch probably look up to and admire him so much and think he’s SO COOL#his lore goes crazy and he’ll drop it in the middle of dinner and continue on as if he didn’t just ROCK the batch’s world#nothing can change my mind#star wars tbb#star wars the bad batch#the bad batch#arc trooper echo#tbb echo
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today, my coworkers’ refusal to see me as a man put one of our patients in a position where they felt unsafe for the third time. i’ve been at this job for less than two months total. i don’t even care about getting misgendered anymore, i just want the people we’re supposed to be taking care of to feel comfortable around me.
i work at a hospital where we have to supervise our patients in a lot of vulnerable situations. there are safeguarding rules in place for certain things that male employees aren’t allowed to be present for when it comes to female patients. and yet, the people training me and telling me what to do have repeatedly put me in situations where i’ve been forced to do things that the female patients aren’t comfortable with me doing. and because they have repeatedly failed to teach me the rules for doing my job as a man, i have no way of knowing when i’m crossing one of those lines unless one of the patients tells me.
i’ve had to watch a victim of SA stare at me in abject terror as my coworkers asked her to strip naked with me still in the room. it took several minutes for her to even be able to speak enough to ask if i could leave the room. i found out after that she broke down crying the moment i walked out. my biggest regret is that i didn’t realize what was happening fast enough to leave before she ever had to say something, because she shouldn’t have had to say it. i never should’ve been allowed in the room in the first place, because that’s not something male employees are supposed to be present for. but i didn’t know that yet, because i was training and i thought surely, they wouldn’t train me to do something that directly violated their own safeguarding rules. that moment was the first time, and it’s haunted me ever since, but it wasn’t the last time. not only did it happen for the third time today — it almost happened for the fourth, and would have if someone hadn’t spoken up to say they should pick someone else. i care for these people so deeply, it’s why i took this job, and i’m so tired of hearing the fear in their voices when they have to ask me not to do something i never should’ve been told to do.
i’m very used to the personal discomfort of being misgendered. i willingly deal with it a lot at work as well as in other situations, not because i’m in the closet (at this point in my medical transition that would be impossible), but because it’s such a frequent occurrence with my coworkers that we would never get anything done if i took the time to correct them every time. but to see it get to the point of causing such visceral discomfort in other people? people i’m supposed to be taking care of and keeping safe? that’s something else entirely, and i’m fucking exhausted.
and after all of that, some of them still look at me like i have two heads when they tell me what to do and i say “i can’t do that, only female employees can” because i’m learning now. clearly i’m already seen as a man by our patients, but my coworkers would still rather put them in an unsafe situation than just train me as a man.
#to be clear it’s four different things they’ve asked me to do that im not supposed to#as soon as i find out about one rule they ask me to violate a different one that i didn’t know about#i will never ever forget that girl’s face and i’ll never stop being angry for her#for all three of them but especially her#i hate my coworkers for a million different reasons#the patients are the only reason i didn’t quit this job after the first day#i just want to do right by them and sometimes it feels like i’m the only one working there who does#it kills me because the patients who know im trans have been so great about it too#most of them know nothing about trans people but they’re so willing to learn and so respectful and we’ve had such great conversations#they’re getting fucked over by someone else’s transphobia when they themselves don’t have a single transphobic bone in their bodies#i hate this place because i care about the people in it too much to stand by the way it treats them and it’s killing me#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia
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hey, hey. you. mhm. you. This is your sign to go read Stories We Share, Secrets We Keep by @bittirsweeteer
#shut up I didn’t schedule it wrong the first time. shush. No. You saw nothing.#my art#traditional art#linked universe#swsswk#fuuuck. Haha sorry bittir :’) I forgot the difference between schedule and queue#*head in hands* anyways. Tell Jester that Raven says hi and I love him very much#Swsswk propaganda: good plot good character development mac and cheese cool art work consistent overarching themes#….yk it’s really hard not being able to use commas in tags#dark link#anyways go read it!! Mind tag warnings but go read it!!#Bitter’s a cool person too you should tell them they’re a good author#(Hi bits. <3 *waving from the tags* luv you)#oh wait#fanjoyjuly#fan joy july#cant forget that lmao#okay I’ll stop nervous rambling bye
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I think it’s so ironic that the Pony Express escapes a lot if not all blame in discussion. I can’t even say I am excused from it but it’s just how hard people circle back to the characters alone without considering the environment they were made to be in.
Why would they design a ship where only two of the rooms lock? Not the bathroom? Not the sleeping quarters? We assume that all the companies in the universe are this shallow and careless to their workers but we explicitly know the Pony Express in extra vile. They are fed processed slop pack they can’t even really cook and the ration of those pack is meager at best. They hired and made people with a plethora of conflicting demeanors and beliefs work together on a mission where cohesion is important if not an outright necessity and punish them for not being happy about it. There’s no social protocols, not chain of command other than Captain’s word/choice and the only way to enforce that is with a literal firearm. They don’t allow them to celebrate freely and even took away leisure activities that would make them less stir crazy. They are only allowed a few hours of sleep despite their being no other real responsibilities or work on the ship, no matter the position or its importance. With any crew, with any level of synergy, this was a powder keg waiting for a spark.
I’m not saying characters that made mistakes didn’t make huge ones, but I think part of the horror is that at least for some (this is targeting Jimathan) those mistakes are partly made by a force of the hand. There’s a running theme of lack of choice and being forced into something and the very nature of how The Pony Express expected them to function plays a big part.
#like even I forget that all actions taken in the game were people trying to remain in protocol outside of Jimmy#Anya couldn’t have jus stolen the scanner and got the gun cause she’s a sensible person and knows she’d be in legal trouble#or get everyone’s credits docked or just hoping that there’s some chain of command for this sort of thing#Daisuke only really acted in accordance to his direct superiors because he’s an intern he wouldn’t know the first thing about protocol or#what to do in any situation. like this is essentially implied to be his first real job#Curly may be the captain but he still has to follow rules and procedures and we see with the letter the Pony Express likely has very shady#and shitty ones. he gives the best not depressing or totalitarian options he can otherwise everything is just his word which aren’t even his#or like him just asserting his position with the gun which he wouldn’t do#Swansea follows the book begrudgingly because he’s trying to stay right and not fall back into who he once was#I feel like it’s not incorporated nearly enough that the environment they were dropped into heavily affected their actions#say there was a single person higher than Curly or a plan of action when a crew member is considered a danger to himself or others#I think it’s fascinating how people will stick to protocol and break when they get scared or to their limit#cause the game shows how normalcy deteriorates and I think discounting what the characters where put through by the company takes a way a#real and scary aspect of what happened to Anya because as a friend Curly didn’t do enough for her at all his comfort was there and he#appreciated but it was a distracted sort of care but as a Captain he didn’t protect her but he’s was a Captain of the Pony Express like what#if they told him to wait to? he still should’ve done something because Anya was actively suffering and Jimmy should’ve been reprimanded but#he’s a captain with orders like the Tulpar isn’t his ship in the same way like#god I wanna explain this in a way that makes sense but the Tulpar is like designed to breed animosity and work on the bare requirements one#needs to get things done that’s not how people work and if anyone deviates or interrupts that it literally has nothing to handle it#it becomes clear that if any social unrest happens why they just say fuck it and give the Captain the gun because if something happens the#blame can easily be placed on the person they put in charge despite what they put them#in charge of like this is just like work place harassment irl because often the perpetrators are not punished but the supervisors for not#stopping them with meetings or cuts or whatever but the environment the company fostered is rarely fixed or blamed#like why was this allowed to occur? and honestly that is because Jimmy did what he did#ask me about this if this is confusing cause I worded it crazy#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#the pony express
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tag game 🎆
I’ve made a few new friends since I’ve started writing for Logan that I don’t know that well yet and I haven’t done a tag game in so long so I compiled my own from a few other ones I saw <3
last song you listened to: probably The Emptiness Machine by Linkin Park although I’ve got So Lonely by the Police stuck in my head rn so maybe that
silver or gold jewellery? silver if I have to choose one forever, but I also wear gold sometimes
do you have any tattoos? yess I have three, two on my arms and one on my leg :) also considering getting Dogpool as a LPS tattooed next 🤭
piercings? three nose piercings (one on each side and a septum bc i’m gay) and normal earlobe ones
currently reading or favourite book? i just finished Boy Parts (unfortunately disliked most of it btw, 2/5 ⭐️) and I’m either gonna read Rouge next or Are You My Mother?
a hobby you would like to try? Maybe making zines/collages? I had to make a zine for uni last semester and I loved it so much and I’m always collecting pics for collages (that I never end up using🙃) anyway
coffee or tea? Teaaa, I like green tea, chamomile tea, peppermint tea
favourite video game? Animal Crossing (ig New Horizons but I loved some of the previous ones too) or Sims 3 (although I’ve only played Sims 4 since it came out lol buuuut)
star sign? ♐️ (sagittarius with scorpio moon and taurus rising, not that I really know what that means tbh)
who is your hear me out? I feel like mine don’t qualify as hear me outs on tumblr lmao but Charles Dance/Tywin Lannister (hear me out bc he’s old ig) & Venom
tags (no pressure & feel free to ignore entirely or adjust some questions, and if anyone else wants to do this just say I tagged you <3)(some of you are not new mutuals but obviously i’m still tagging you💖) @t-lostinworlds @simplykenni @theprettyarachnid @ethanhoewke @eloquentlytired @cocoamoonmalfoy @birdstreesandhoneybees @thinkinonsense @aniqua @slushycoookie @devotion @silkscream @logansbaby (i hope all of these are mutuals anyway🫣 if not then ignore me lmao) also if you tag other people and you tag loads please consider making your own post shsksgkl <3 also tagging any of my anons if they want to do this 🫶🏼
#tag game#I hope I didn’t forget any new mutuals I promise it’s nothing personal if I forgot you☹️#i was gonna put the rock as my hear me out but idk he’s obviously conventionally attractive#but people always find it funny when i tell them so
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Doing some thinking about how I want to draw Skarloey n Rheneas
Rheneas… he’s so goddamn difficult to get right for me but I will figure it out
I want them both to look similar but still distinct (I am thinking too hard about this probably)
The culprit of all this (ignore the guy to the left he’s for perspective reference)
the above image is still a wip
#my art#ttte#ttte skarloey#ttte rheneas#been doing a decent chunk of writing and drawing related to them at a leisurely pace the past while#and I am often contemplating as a result of that#…#I usually draw the engines with black eyes but if I didn’t this’s what these two would look like probably#rhen as has some high cheekbones#he’s actually kind of pointed upwards more in general#while skarloey is more wide and centred proportionally#both are old and blessed with wrinkles#(I like drawing them)#I often forget how smooth they really are on canon#mostly#nothing wrong with that#though I’ve headcannoned(? I guess that would be)#them as not that that it feels odd slightly#(._. ‘’)
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the idea came to me in a migraine induced dream but now im obsessed with the concept of a mu qingfang who knew the abuse bunhe was going through at the hands of og!shen qingqiu/shen jiu and did his best to treat the kid whenever he could (and bring his concerns to zhangmen shixiong, which were obviously very much ignored) and his constant worry over the situation means that when the qi deviation happens he is suspicious of shen qingqiu’s changes for all different reasons and very much protective of luo binghe -who is a sweet child and an earnest disciple who seems to always find the most incredible medicinal herbs to bring to his mu shishu as thanks for the care bestowed upon him- which means that when the whole shen qingqiu dying thing happens instead of bad mouthing luo binghe or fighting him at every chance he does his best to come over and keep an eye on things to try and help him and make sure luo binghe won’t kill himself trying to bring shen qingqiu back because he remembers that earnest kid and he’s witnessed luo binghe’s devotion to this shen qingqiu first hand and knows there is no way that the kid who cried when ning yingying found a bird with a broken wing and begged mu qingfang to fix it and the kid that would always borrow medical texts and try to find new herb combinations as if it was a game between him and qian cao disciples is actually doing anything nefarious to shen qingqiu’s corpse.
anyways in this essay i will-
#listen#binghe needs to have more people in his corner#and for some reason i have imprinted on mqf#so you get cool healer uncle#who probably smoked weed with binghe and made him promise to keep quiet#lbh and mqf bonding activity was teaching lbh to properly roll joints#anyways mqf understanding that the rituals are intricate and lqg doesn’t have any other way of coping with his grief#but the first time lqg injures lbh almost to death in a fight they get into a screaming match so violent#that no bai zhan discipline will look at him in the face without going pale for the next month#that is his nephew! who found several thought-to-be-extinct herbs for him!#also him telling sqq that lbh might have forgotten what he did but mqf certainly didn’t#a healer never forgets the wounds they heal#and sqq is just like yeah brother me neither :(#mqf is going to therapy these idiots so fucking hard#lbh also keeps trying to matchmake him with some nice demons in his court like shamelessly trying to poach his mu shishu#also he and shang qinghua are the only ones who still get the full shishu treatment#except lbh kinda bullies sqh a little for the virtue of the whole mbj situation#(hes never gonna let them live that down)#anyways it’s whatever at first but at one poont years in the future it does become a point of contempt with the other peak lords#nothing can take away from me that when bored they will squabble like children#such is the way of bored adults#i have rambled enough so normal tags now#svsss#svsss writing#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#mu qingfang#bingqiu#svsss au
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the gWyN iS jUsT a SiDe cHaRaCtEr people make me laugh bc SJM loves to give everyone and their mother (literally) an endgame.
#manorian is still one of the most random things ever to occur imo#i didn’t forget about elide’s period#sathia randomly getting paired off with tharion#anyway#pro gwynriel#acotar#also if everyone is SOOO sure emorie is happening#you really think? gwyn is getting nothing?#lmfao
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i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc
#what am i trying to say here?#idk! think about all of the pieces you have#dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways#and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff#when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for#and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death#and what ‘dying’ really means#being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this#much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is#to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like?????#akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant#he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him#but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou#he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her??#all such interesting interpretations#i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful#like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him#if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again#like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is#it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’#sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes#it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING#like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!!#compel me even#anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway#dais.txt
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Eh… Xena has her moments but lesbihonest.
Gabrielle is the jealous one of the two of them.
#xena warrior princess#xena and gabrielle#xabrielle#xena#lucy lawless#gabrielle#renee o'connor#green-eyed monster#I mean she almost got xena killed out of jealousy#or do you all just ignore her confession in forget me not?#she didn’t want xena going to chin because she didn’t want xena to be tempted into going back to lao ma#it had nothing to do with being tempted to murder ming tien#that was just an excuse#she thought xena was still in love with lao ma#and she wasn’t wrong#the only thing is that lao ma was already dead by the time xena got there#she breathed a sigh of relief#kinda like xena with perdicus#although the intention for callisto to murder him was very much not that#but xena would have been very tempted#gabrielle caught on to it and decided to be a petty bitch
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY BASIL!!!!! 🎂🎉🐹🎊🍕
i could not decide on a background color so here’s some alts + a basil closeup :3
#YIPPEE!!!!!#FINSIHED THE DRAWING with an hour and a half to spare!!!!!#it’s nothing much#totally didn’t completely forget i wanted to draw something all day until like an hour ago#Anton’s wearing borrower basil’s sweater cuz he’s silly like that and Basil’s favorite color is ourple#just realized i won’t get to celebrate basil’s birthday next year though :(#four more years guys#they look so goofy i love them#silly creatures#nothing bad ever happens to them#my art#basil oc#anton oc#tllr art#the last lab rat#g/t art#giant/tiny art#giant/tiny#g/t
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The Untamed (2019) // Red, Chase Berggrun
#just. thoughts. this collection was the best thing I’ve read in. so long. god. god.#retrospect is. so interesting. what u thought u had vs realizing what u do have. god.#I just. it’s so interesting how much of lan zhan’s hate was truly love and how much of his love was truly hate#or it’s more realizing what you have after you had it#because when you’re molded to distrust curiosity & feelings & exploration—you forget what they feel like#and Wei wuxian being the first and only person to teach him to feel. even wrongly. because god at least you’re still doing it#even when the world hates you. you are still feeling it.#and then. he didn’t. and it was 13 years of feeling it & nothing. ANYWYA. yeah.#the untamed#lan wangji#lan zhan#wei ying#wei wuxian#mdzs#mdzs wwx
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went on insta today first came across a video an israhelli soldier filmed of himself hugging a gaza street dog saying i kid you not „the dogs are the only innocents in gaza“ and i love dogs more than anything but what the FUCK we are at around 12 thousand k!lled CHILDREN in only three months like just KIDS and then I saw a video that a gaza civilian filmed yesterday of those criminal sorry excuses of soldiers shooting three sheep in the streets just shooting them down it was so awful what tf did they do?! were those sheep also khamass?! the matter in which they shot em was precisely like they keep shooting at civilians, i‘ve seen numerous videos, never forget the one with the grandmother and her small grandchild. nearly every single day for the past three months i‘ve seen such pure evil and i seriously hate hate hate this devil army so so so much, the „idf“ is a fucking terrorist organization! I do not understand how that footage is not on the news it should be everywhere
#they have no respect for NOTHING#I’ve seen them harass someone in a wheelchair KICKING IT so the person fell out#the babies who didn’t even make it to their 1st bday#like the footage from the incubators I will also never forget#I don’t think I’ve harbored this kind of hate and disgust for anyone in my lifetime yet tbh#free palestine#save gaza
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