#I didn’t choose to be born
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#yes finally#a name for what I experience#I didn��t choose to be born#there’s no rhyme or reason to why I���m here#so why be here?
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Although I felt so positive after my therapy session yesterday, eventually all my brooding came back.
I haven't achieved anything. People in the artist's community show no interest in my work. Hell, my own friends don't.
To quote "About Schmidt": I am weak and I am a failure.
I don't even cry anymore. What's the point? It changes nothing.
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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Real men cry watching As You Are not because the film is sad. They cry from an overwhelming envy and jealousy that they didn’t had the chance to truly experience cis boyhood that characters had
#as you are#film#gayguy#trans ftm#ftm vent#trans vent#dysphoria#I’m not jealous being trans is a gift and I’m happy in my own body and I can’t change anything to not be born that way so all I can do is#accept myself as I am and be gentle towards my body for things I didn’t choose as it’s not my nor my body’s fault
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Some design for Missa, Richarlyson and Chayanne, because I haven’t posted for a while. ( They will certainly change )
#qsmp#qsmp richarlyson#missasinfonia#qsmp chayanne#Don't ask me why Missa is all mysterious and edgy I didn't think before choosing the pose#Chayanne is a flying fish dragon like#because I wanted him to be able to ''fly" ( because philza )#and swim ( because duckie floaty =>aquatic dragon )#Both Chayanne and Missa have an accessory made of Philza's feathers#I’m a pussy so Missa is not a real skeleton#it’s more like tattoo he is born with#Richar is purely based on vibes#Cause I didn’t want to give him cellbit cat attribute#and the other are just human so#ALSO I didn’t know his leg problem was specifically a shorter leg this is why I choosed this kind of prothese#fanart
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”It’s inherently immoral and bad to be a white person in a colonist country” WELL DAMN I DIDN’T ASK TO BE BORN BUT OKAY THEN.
(As a disclaimer in case this post gets derailed, I am NOT talking about giving natives their land back. I wholeheartedly support that and I think they deserve it. This is about a weird and stupid thing I saw on this Webbed Site that proposed we get rid of white people in the US entirely.)
#It’s inherently classist to think that people can just up and fucking leave to live in a different country because you say so.#Obviously colonialism is bad but my sibling in Christ#It already happened. White people live there now and trying to “fix it” would leave millions of people hungry and homeless.#Now the only thing we can do is try to make a better community for everyone (natives and foreigners alike) instead of pushing people out#It is not immoral to live in a place and be from a certain group. You didn’t choose to be born there and neither did your parents.#There’s also white immigrants you have to take into account. Would you like to displace them as well?#I’ve seen this sentiment floating around on Tumblr and let me just say that it’s the most braindead bullshit I’ve ever heard.#only on tumblr#ffs actually think about the logistics and ethics of what you’re planning to do before you open your damn mouth.#Colonialism is bad and evil and I obviously think reparations are in order (And they have been for a LONG DAMN TIME)#But demonizing millions of (mostly working class) people and leaving them all homeless and countryless is a Terrible Fucking Idea#This is prime Tumblr social justice where someone takes a pretty popular sentiment and spins it into something completely batshit crazy#Social justice#Colonialism#usa#united states#america
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cic. att. 14.10.1 trans. e-pistulae / lucan, pharsalia 7.638-46 trans. a.s. kline
#i just think it is funny that cicero and lucan both make avery similar point about past events causing survivors / people born later to#experience a form of living death / political death etc#(+ i think caesar winning the civil war. in which the big victory Was the battle of pharsalus. is important to when cicero thinks the Being#Dead started)#AND YET. lucan chooses to get weird and ahistorical About Cicero Specifically and puts him in the battle of pharsalus like. for funsies#like lucan voice well maybe mr mtc You Did actually have the opportunity to do something or die about it#like. he didn’t. he extremely very much Did Not. but it is SUCH a silly coincidence#that the guy making the same complaint is the guy lucan retroactively frames as hypocritical for making that complaint#like for WHAT. i still don’t get what cicero is even doing in the pharsalia. go home marce tulli!!!#also i don’t think this is intentional on lucan’s part (unless…?)#i just see a state of living death and i’m like. oh i am going to translate this SO literally#intertextual ghosts is when you translate cicero via the lucan that doesn’t exist yet or something#epistulaeposting#cicero#pharsalia#the fear: that nothing survives. the greater fear: that something does.#beeps
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okay…maybe I have a thing for feet in a religious way…in reverent devotion kinda way
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emotional over how Android 17 was built to kill and now his job is protecting life. he doesn’t want to kill the poachers even though they directly threaten the animals that are so important to him
he has a wife and kids now and has an actual life, something that Dr Gero never envisioned for him or his sister. they were created as tools meant to kill Goku but they’re his friend now. they live for themselves and value the lives that they were originally meant to destroy
#android 17 you are so special to me#the ‘even monster deserve a chance at life’ line he says to Goku is SO!! good because it feels very applicable to him and 18#they’re weapons built by the army to kill people and iirc they’re called monster a couple times throughout the Android/Cell sagas#but!! they’re also just people!! they were teenagers when they were experimented on and turned into androids they didn’t choose this#Krillin sees their humanity and asks Shenron to take their bombs out because he wants to give them the chance to live normal lives#and they do!! they grow and learn to appreciate the world around them and they have families ouugh#monsterous animals don’t choose to be born like that instead of cute. the androids didn’t choose to become androids#but they are and they deserve to live just as anything else does#I love overanlayzing dragon ball. this was probably not the intent but idc#ALSO I just think it’s interesting that the poachers leader claimed to have a bomb inside of him as an ‘insurance policy’#which directly mirrors the Androids who had bombs implanted in their hearts as insurance for Dr Gero in case they ever got too difficult to#control. does it mean anything? probably not. am I shaking it around in my head? yes#the androids are soo fascinating to me. did toriyama know he created the best characters ever when he made them#db watch
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by the way, I made a blood pact with my dad so in the days I’m leaning more towards boy or just full-on boy you guys call me Noah please and thank you.
#𓇬 ⸝ txt. ⌨️#context: he wanted to name me Noah if I was a boy but I turned out being born a girl so mum choose my name#and he’s still bitter about it !!!#not that I’m a girl. just that he didn’t get to choose my name. mum didn’t let him because she had the womb and all
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i just played arcadie: secondborn and it was soooo good!!!
it was less romantic than what i remembered. but i went through minor digging and realised… i may have… accidentally triggered another character’s route instead of the one i was planning???
gonna tag / notify this as minor spoilers just in case since i knows the game came out literally yesterday.
[MINOR SPOILERS!]
i was trying to go after cyril (bc i think he and my mc have a cute dynamic going on) but another character popped up and… i wasn’t really paying attention to the stats but their affection points shot up higher than c’s. which is funny because my mc acts… very different around them in comparison to everyone else. like super different. and i think i didn’t get any other romantic scenes with c after that. since you can’t romance main ROs with the minor/secret ROs at the same time.
[MINOR SPOILERS END]
i’m not sure. i’m definitely going to replay it to see if i missed something. and just… mess around in general. tho, i don’t think i can play another character and do a different play through lol. i’m too attached to the one i made. & also bc i read through the entire game with a sleep deprived mind so there’s definitely going to be a lot of things i missed!
but even without the romance subplot, it was such an entertaining read/story! i really felt how my mc grew from chapter to the final epilogue. and i honestly can’t help but hope for sequel!!! even if i did not get to trigger more romance scenes with the main ROs, I think the progression of it was believable for my MC. she would be more preoccupied with everything going on than be focused on her budding crush on pretty boy cyril (apologies c, but even your face and disarming words can’t give her comfort).
i will prolly draw her & make a before and after pic of her. bc she really went from genuine smiling like :D to everyone to just…. that one danaerys smile. rlly gives off how dead she has become over the game. maybe ramble and write headcanons for her and her relationship with the d’arcadie family.
#thots & rambles#interactive fiction#arcadie second born#minor spoilers probably#thing is i don’t know if i got it right bc i didn’t choose the right options or bc i triggered someone else’s route#if you can even call it a route
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Just found out youre fr*nch (derogatory) . Cringe /j /j /j
LMAOWDSWXKSJDJFSJFBJNK you didn’t know????
#axel. axel. we’ve been mutuals for two years#also i plead guilty. it’s truly my only crime#but i didn’t choose to be born that way 😔💔#replies#axel#upthebaguette
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if you really hate people from the US so much then stop consuming all of our media like idk it’s that simple
If we’re all so horrible, evil, and stupid then how are we making art you want to look at and listen to? sounds a bit hypocritical to me :/
#not art#sorry I’ve been dealing with too many nonAmericans with superiority complexes lately#I am not proud to be from the US I know it’s a messed up country with bad politics#but I also didn’t choose to be born here and I don’t like how nonAmericans keep putting innocent citizens n the same category as billionares#if you’ve never been here you don’t know what it’s like to live here not everyone is rich white and has a big house
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i can’t find the post but i said when i am able to drive i fully plan on going to various churches just to sit in and listen. sneaking out of the house lying about my whereabouts because my parents will make fun of me for that……
#they were like wow are you going to become a born again christian? NO i was never one in the first place really. not really… i was like 7 i#didn’t choose that i didn’t believe and also im not christian im just strange.#samael speaks
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P.S!! mayhaps would win by a landslide so I’m excluding it :) seems more fun if there’s some competition
You know you’ve got asoiaf brainrot when you start using phrases like “half a hundred” or “like as not” in everyday sentences.
#this really needs to be in a tournament format but that’s 2 much work#if I had to choose….I use m’lord/M’lady a LOT. I call my gf my sweet lady lol#asoiaf polls#asoiaf shitpost#grrm#I guess for cultural context bc I didn’t consider that before: I am from south Texas born and raised
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personally I don’t hate gray wing nearly as much as everyone else because he’s a great example of having rose colored glasses just because ‘well, he’s family’, and not realizing until far too late that that essentially ruined his life and made him amount to almost nothing. Because clear sky is his brother, he wants to assume the best of him. Surely, my brother would never. Surely he didn’t mean it like that. Surely he’ll do better next time. He’s my brother. He COULDN’T be a bad guy. So he keeps giving him chances, over and over and over again, until it’s completely destroyed him. Until he can no longer breathe, his lungs full of toxic smoke that clear sky abandoned him to breathe in, until he is under his claws, nearly killed under the moonlight, until his people are battered again and again, until borders become inevitable. But he never, ever realizes, because- it’s his brother. Surely, his brother will do better next time. Surely, he didn’t mean it. Surely, he will change.
And believing that is the death of him.
#It was always to my understanding that he died early BECAUSE of the lung damage#And that the fire and leaving gray wing behind was on clear sky. I don’t remember how but I remember it was#Clear sky’s actions got gray wing killed in the end. But he loved his stupid brother so much he was blind to see it until he literally died#Hell. And even after.#Because- they’re brothers. Surely. Hell do better next time.#Like people who keep forgiving their family over and over#Ohhh but hes changed!!! No he hasn’t. He may pretend for 10 minutes but he’s going back after another#but it’s my mom/dad/brother… I HAVE to have a relationship with them… because… yknow… family….#When really the best thing to do when you have a clear sky is cut that fucker off#Because he will slowly drain the life out of you and everyone around you#BUT. I don’t HATE the person who doesn’t cut off their family member#I feel SORRY for them. That they can’t realize how badly they’re hurting themselves keeping this up#So. I don’t hate gray wing.#Clear sky is a bastard and I’d say I hate him as a person tho. but not as a character either#Because he’s a villain and those motivate plot. I know they change their mind later. But I didn’t. I didn’t forget#And I choose to believe the powers that be didn’t either. Given skyclan all dies within the next decade and stays gone for generations#But I guess none of that is CANON text. It’s just also not NOT canon. It’s not an AU au because it like#COULD be why. They just didn’t say one way or the other#Anyway gray wing is really just like. A pathetic wet mop of a guy#Definitely no wise sage#But I do not hate him. I cried when he died at the end of path of stars#I pity that he never got to live a life free of all that toxicity because ‘but we family’.#Like a lot of older. Perhaps religious raised. People I grew up around with shitty family members#No you don’t owe it to anybody no you don’t have to respect thy father and mother if they don’t respect you#You never asked to be born. Etc etc#But that. They gave me something and family is family and blood is thicker than water attitude#Is very common around rural religious areas. Which is. What I think of the clans as. Backwoods evangelicals#ESPECIALLY in the early days#Well. Bulls’ shit is thicker than blood. And that’s what your life is gonna be full of if you stick with toxic people because of blood#Anyway whatever none of this means anything. Just. Saying words
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