#but i didn’t choose to be born that way 😔💔

[evergardenwall]

Just found out youre fr*nch (derogatory) . Cringe /j /j /j

LMAOWDSWXKSJDJFSJFBJNK you didn’t know????

[ruminate88]

Being “needed” but not “wanted” ❤️‍🩹 11/05/24

It’s hard when you love people “too hard” and think to yourself that no one else can love them harder or treat them better than you can. I think that’s why it’s hard for me to let go. I grew up being the “family caretaker” and I have had to take care of all these loved ones…. So when it came to dating, I felt the same way about my men 😳❤️‍🩹 I felt I had to take care of my partners and believed only I could truly worry about them or make sure they’re safe 🥺😔 The problem is, there was no one to do the same for me….. So eventually I become “burnt out” but I can’t get past the mind set of “no one will treat them like I do.” I worry about it so much…..

No one worries about me and it’s very one-sided. I think it is a form of control for me tbh. I need to be “needed” but fear being “wanted” but I have never been wanted by any of my exes…. They always choose someone else 💔

Cody dumped me twice and said we could be “friends” but that was never gonna work out. I liked talking to him period. I felt he was super relatable for me AND I worried about his mental well-being. (Despite him not giving a single thought about mine) HOWEVER, being “friends” was never gonna work cuz I was always going to want him as more. I was always going to want him to let me “take care of him” and he is so selfish, he was always going to hurt me and discard me. When he ghosted me, it shot me and wounded me so deep… he’ll never care about that. Why should I care about him??? (Guess I was selfish too, trying to make him be with me)

I still think about the conversations we shared that were all about his struggles and he was so relevant!! I felt we could some how understand each other but I think more than anything, I just needed him to lean on me and I wanted to nurture him.. then I dated Andrew after him and FELT THE SAME! Not that Andrew was as relatable as Cody or as easy to talk to as Cody was (neither of them were super easy) but yet again, when Andrew would cry to me about his stress from school and his parents, I felt “needed” which made me feel good about myself!! It didn’t last… Andrew was talking to 500 other women and he was never going to consider my feelings.

The HARDEST lesson is to accept that yes it’s “nice to be needed” but learn to be “wanted” and appreciated. Not to just let yourself be used by these greedy men. I don’t regret loving them and wanting what’s best for them. That’s partly why I blocked Andrew’s number was to “set him free” but it didn’t make all my feelings just disappear. Yet I have to respect myself more and love myself too. I’ve never loved myself before 🥺❤️‍🩹 It was always about “others” which I understand is a form of people pleasing AND control. I don’t like not knowing who I am or “what I need.” But here I am…. A new born baby and having to grow up ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[lenteur]

random thoughts about run on, episode five

(please do note that this post contains spoilers so read at your own risk.)

first of all, i must say that this episode was full of twists and turns and i’m very happy about that

we’re starting with ki jeong do’s employee (idk how to call him) trying to make mi joo the villain for accepting the money given to her

still seon gyeom chose to forgive her because she owned up to it and explained why. but mostly, she gave the money back

which leads us to this sentence (said by mi joo) “people who give me money know about my weakness” that hit close to home because you can see the gap between them one more time. he never had to worry about money when she’s been struggling for a long time. she’s like a puppet to the people of power/rich and that’s something that a lot of viewers can relate to

seon gyeom once again chooses to forgive her because he now understands why she took the money. even though he hates her actions, he can’t seem to direct his hate towards her (example 1258745 of seon gyeom proving he is a good person)

which brings us to this dialogue “why are you being so kind?” “Because I want to” i mean you have to really irritate seon gyeom to elicit hate out of him. a lot of us wouldn’t have his patience and kindness

“you make me feel like i’m worthless” the gap between seon gyeom and mi joo is getting bigger and bigger. she takes the money because she’s poor, all she said to him was ‘fake’ and yet here he is being lenient and understanding. i feel you mi joo. he has it all: handsome looks, rich, talented at what he does and on top of that kind even though he didn’t grow up with the most loving family

when he came to see the children he wanted to train once he retired, i understand when the kids don’t believe the assault rumors. he’s such a kind man, always doing good deeds and you want the kids to believe the news articles? no!

yeong hwa being this show’s little meow meow 🐈 thank you to whoever was responsible for that 😘

this episode wanted to focus on mi joo being poor because the scene where she meets her so called friends is hurtful 😭😭😭 i mean the way that soon-to-be bride reminded mi joo where she comes from (foster care) was humiliating. the cherry on top was that it happened in this super fancy hotel 💔 the things mi joo has to go through 😔

the woo sik article is FINALLY out!!! yay we cheered 👏👏👏 and mi joo literally running to clear seon gyeom’s name 💗 yes we appreciate you for doing that. she does care about seon gyeom. and thankfully the truth has been revealed. i hope there will be consequences for gyu beok and gi beom

we end this episode with mi joo comforting seon gyeom 💓 that hug had my heart going a little crazy ngl 

“no one is born being able to endure pain from the start” it seems that mi joo is a lot of firsts for seon gyeom: the first to tell him to rest, the first to care about him so openly and the first to comfort him 💕 you can kind of see how seon gyeom is not used to being taken care of so all of this is new to him. mi joo has a big impact on that man it’s obvious

also, on a completely unrelated note, i’m beginning to fall for seon gyeom and it is NOT GOOD for my overall well-being. let’s hope i don’t fall in love 

i nearly forgot to talk about seo dan ah having to put up with the pressure of finding a husband because she’s beginning to get old... and the double standard is shown as well. the daughters are only good for forming an alliance with another company/get a better reputation according to the family 💔 but i like how dan ah doesn’t care about that and is doing her thing