#I did relisten almost all episodes to prove this

[likeamosquitobutworse]

Re-listening to Malevolent and holy shit the difference in season 1-2 Johns tone to 3-4 is like a chasm. You really dont pick up on it until you go back, but old John was SUPER manipulative, especially with his weird ass "Listen to me, i am your friend Arthur :))) Isn't my voice just so smooth and understanding?? I am an elegant creature and you are acting like a common caveman Arthur, poor you" while John now is just "Arthur. Arthur. Stop ignoring me 😡😡 You can't have friends because it makes me sad and you are SO. MEAN. TO. ME. You are mean to me and i will not forgive you... Im sorry i lied Arthur please pay attention to me 🥺🥺🥺🥺". It really stands to say that Harlan is amazing because i full on believed that John had Arthur's best interests at heart in the begining and that just proves that i would NOT survive in Arthurs shoes for a day.

[geronimomo-spd]

OK SO SCHERZO

OK ITS ALL SPOILERS SO ITS ALL UNDER THE CUT TODAY

i really adored!!! the first scene!! them just lying down underneath the console while he is telling her of all of the things he is afraid of, and she talks to him while they almost die!! peacefull!! so nice!!!

UM???? UM??

I CAN'T BECAUSE WHEN YOU ALL SAID HORROR I ASSUMED PHYSICAL HORROR OR PHSYCOLOGICAL I DIDN'T KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO FUCKING EAT COSPSES LIKE WHAT EXUSE ME?????? HELLO??????

IM???????? GOODBY TO MY AROMANTIC DOCTOR HEADCANON I GUESS??  to be honest i will say it took me out a little because its a headcanon i really hold into, but at the same time the story works so much!!!! because, as i said before, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE HAS FALLEN IN LOVE WITH A COMPANION AND THE STORY AGNILIGES THAT!!! AND HE DOESN'T LNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!!!! AND AND AND AND HE IS JUST, OF COURSE I LOVE YOU!!! I KILLD MYSELF FOR YOU DIDN'T I??? OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH DFGDGFSDF

NO BUT WHEN HE WAS SO MEAN TO HER!! SO ANGEYR!! AND I WAS WAITING FOR HIM TO BE LIKE "OH ITS THE ANTI TIME, ITS STILL THE ANTI TIME I AM SORRY-" BUT IT WASN'T!! THIS WHOLE EPISODE WAS JUST THE DOC BEING ACTUALLY ANGRY!!!! YES YES YES THANK YOU!!!!

lol but flashback when i was like damm i really need an episode where Charley and the doc are not separated and you all all said SCHERZO I GENUALLY DIDN'T THINK ITS ABOUT THE FUCKING FACT THAT THEY WILL BE PHYSICALLY THE SAME FUCKING PERSON AND THEIR HANDS FUSED OMG ONG OMG

ALSO I SEE YOU ALL WITH THIS EMOJI FUCK FUCK FUKC UFKC UFKF JFHFJFJCFKFJCJF :handshake:

JESUS

i do gotta say that i got to relisten to it because the first time i got a genuine autistic shutdown because of the first very load noise JESUS CHRIST, and then i was suck in my bed recovering so it took me a while to get into it, and i couldn't find the time stamps for the jumpscares so i was just really carful, and i think it might be a reason for the fact that it was good, just not mind blowing, i completely understand why people are calling it the best doctor who story ever, it really drives home the meaning of the show itself but espeshelly Charley and the Doc, which is why im saying that i think that i need to relisten to it, now that i know that the doc is not affected by any outside sources for his anger of Charley!!

ALSO HOW CAN I NOT TALK ABOUT THE ENDING HOLY SHIT, SHE DID IT!!!! SHE FUCKING DID IT!!! SHE FINALLY MIRRIORED THE ENDING OF CHIMES!!! SHE PROVED THE DOC HE SHOULD LIVE!! YES FUCK THAT SUICIDAL DOCTOR IN THE HEAD SHE JUST DID IT SHE JUST DID IT!!

NO BUT AFTER ALL OF THE I LOVE YOUS, AFTER THE KISS TO BECOME ONE ORGANIZEM, THEY HAD THIS WEIRD VISION WHERE THE CREATURE WAS TRYING TO MAKE THE DOC AND CHARELY KILL THEMSELVES BECASE- WAIT OMG BECAUSE THEY TALKED ABOUT THE FACT THEY DIED FOR ONE ANOTHER WOWS WOW WOW OK. SO AFTER THE FUCKING KISS WE WENT TO A VISION WHERE THEY MADE PAUL MCGANN CALL CHARLEY MAMA IT WAS SUCH A WIP LASH LOLOLOL I WAS LOSING IT, IT WAS SO FUNNY

IT WAS SO HARD GETTING FAVE QUOTES FROM THIS BECAUSE I STARTED JUST QOUTING ALL OF THE FUCKING LINE SO I WLL TRY TO MAKE THIS NOT JUST EVERY WORD THEY WERE SAYING OK OK COOL

ALSO YES OK AS FAR AS CHARLEY AND THE DOC TOGETHER FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE EPISODES GOES THIS ONE WAS THE BEST ONE OMG OMG OMGGGGG YES YES FINALLY I NEVER EXPECTED ANY OF THIS!!! THE KISS!! THE METAPHORE OF THEM LITTIRALY BECOMING THE SAME CREATURE LIKE WTFFFFFFFFF OMG!!!!

i probably need to understand that metaphore better, and ||IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO GETWITH THE PROGRAM OF EATING CORPSES LIKE JESUS CHTIST LOLOLOL

LOLOL IM LOOKING THROUGH MY NOTES AND ITS JUST, MOST OF IT IS JUST ME FREAKING THE FUCK OUT OF THEM EATING CORPSES LOL also i will say that my aromantic headcanon for the doctor finally took his final hit with this which made me pause, which is i think is a good thing, its diffrent for how i see the doc usually but it makes sense within the nerative they are setting and after a whle it did hit me emotinally, just not torn me apart, when i see people raving about this episode i somehow got the impression its because of the romantic and emotinal stuff, so i assumed i had to connect with it emotinally on that level for the emotinal bits to hit me, that i needed to cheer for them to be together after all of this, but its really not that true, its just a sad situation in general, the horror is gripping and i do like actual emotinal comunication in doctor who, even if it had to be foreced out of the basturd.

the talk is the thing that breaks me!! the fact that the doctor is as suprised of his own emotions and puts prioraty!! it is fuking annoying that Charley is not getting the calling out the doc's motive she had in Ebrace the Darkness, where she littiraly said "you think secrefing yourself is the nobel act?? you think leaving me to people i don't know in a centery i know nothing about just so you can play hero?? you wouldn't be happy until they kill you for it, and that is so selfish of you!! like, she got to do that!!!! why not now!!!! she is just too blinded by the fact that she loves him now, both of them trying to hold into each other in a world hat just wants them to be gone, and its getting pretty unhealthy for both of them not gonna lie

the ending littiraly mirrored Chimes, and i assumed that Chimes's endind of the doctor reminding Charley to choose life was a good thing, but now its like, i assumed it made the ending of Scherzo "good", but now i am not so sure, it is lovely to see that she did for the doctor what he did for her, but argggg i don't know

calling the other companions "momento mory " though i do really like how they pulled the edning and the creature is like "you would secrefice yourself not just for Charley, you would secrefice yoursef for most of your friends", so the ending was soft of one of his friends finally being like NO, BECAUSE I WILL DO THE SAME TO YOU, SO FUCK OFF WITH THAT

anyway apart from the love shit, this one was frightening, corpse eating and a dash of Paul Mcgann calling Charley mama, and a complicated emotinal core! people say its the best, and get why do say that, broke my heart, made me happy and concerened, a really good case for the dark shit big finish can do, i think i really like it, but im not sure :)

OK AFTER A FEW DAYS

This story is fucking cool, you really understand what he is going through, and its not pretty, as the story is not pretty my emotional hurting wasn't because of my headcanon, it was because I was witnessing an earthkwake, of the fundamentals of this show

We have never seen the doctor act like this, we have never seen him, absolotly, say he's in love, but WE NEVER SAW HIM REJECTING LIKE THAT, WE NEVER SAW HIM GETTING TO DISECT AND INTERJECT THE LOVE HE FEELS OR FELT

We get a lot of the doctor secrefying and putting asaide his feelings, but we never get the doctor letting GO, letting his emotions be fully expressed!! That is as terrifying and cool as you can get in doccy who

its an earthquake, and we are Charley, flowing and buzzing around, not knowing what will happen next because our intire foundation has been lifted from beneath out feet. They physicaly can't get rid of each other, and so THEY BECOME THE SAME CREATURE, hurting each other and almost destroying each other in the prosses, like what??? Everything is breaking apart and smshing around, and the sound creature is just there, and we loving to his tune. Its awesome just for that and after all that these two have been throhyg its fascinating still

ALSO ALSO OMG THAT FAIRYTAIL IS SO BRILLIANT OMGF OMG OMG, I loved it, wow

ok fave quotes lets goo DOCTOR: But Charley, you have lost a lot. You have lost everything. Your family, your friends. Charley, you will never see another of your kind. Never. You will never fall in love with a man, get married, have children. Hang on to your losses. They make you what you are. Even if we spend the rest of our lives here, and I'm rather afraid we will, don't let them take away that regret and that pain. All that identity. Don't settle for this existence when once you've tasted life, because you are Charley Pollard, and you deserve better than that. MY HEART I LOVE THAT, YES DOCTOR WE ARE ALSO DEFINED BY OUR LOSES AND ITS LOVELY TO HEAR THAT, I love every time this doctor gets to explain how emotions are so important to us

CHARLEY: Listen. A little while ago, you made me realise I mustn't accept my fate too readily. Stop my brain from finding the easiest and most painless way to cope with all this.

DOCTOR: Is this relevant?

CHARLEY: And now your brain is doing the same thing.

DOCTOR: What are you talking about?

CHARLEY: You need there to be a mission. You need there to be an enemy to face, mysteries to solve.

DOCTOR: And I have solved it, Charley. I'm sure of it.

CHARLEY: So what if you have? We have been walking this corridor for weeks now. It could be months, even. We simply can't tell. And have we found any way out in all that time?

DOCTOR: There has to be one.

CHARLEY: How do you know this entire new universe isn't just an over-lit glass tube which goes on and on for ever? Doctor, we are no closer to getting out of here than we ever were, and it does us no good to pretend otherwise.

DOCTOR: (big sigh) You're right.

CHARLEY: You're calmer?

DOCTOR: Yes.

I don't have anything to add to this I love it

So you love me.

CHARLEY: Yes. Yes, I do.

DOCTOR: And is that it?

CHARLEY: Isn't that enough? If you knew how hard it was for me to say that

DOCTOR: Not half as hard as it was to listen to. Tell me, Charley. What good do you think your love will do me?

CHARLEY: I don't know.

DOCTOR: Do you think it makes this situation any better? Do you think it makes me feel any better?

CHARLEY: I hoped. I don't know.

DOCTOR: I don't want your love, Charley. I have no use for it.

FUCK??? ABSOLOTLY FUCK??? OUCH OUCH OUCH????? WOW, WTFFFF

And of course the famus:

DOCTOR: Of course I loved you! I killed myself for you, didn't I? Of course I loved you. Of course I love you.

CHARLEY: Doctor.

DOCTOR: Quiet. Just listen. But you're not safe, are you. You followed me in, so what was the point of my sacrifice? What was the point after all these years of memento mori to find myself finally loving a friend, someone who meant that much more to me? What was the point of that journey if I died for nothing? I killed myself for you so you could live. And yet here you are.

CHARLEY: I'm sorry, I didn't realise.

DOCTOR: You betrayed me. You betrayed all that I gave up for you. And I can't forgive you that. Not yet. I. Well, I'm not sure I can ever forgive you that.

fuck i finally reached that and i don't know what to feel anymore, it doesn't feel like love anymore, it feels... hollow

genuinely don't know, i thought i was on board for this, he loves her

but it doesn't help any of them!!!!!

wow

but he loves her, he genuinely loves yer, no yes or no about it and... it hurts

and it doesn't really matter in the end doesn't it, like fuck

DOCTOR: And now, Mama, dearest Mama, who gave me life, who gave me everything, I think it's time that you left.

CHARLEY: Oh, so soon?

DOCTOR: I think so. Look at yourself. You're an old woman now, getting older and older by the second. But you needn't be afraid. You will live on through me.

CHARLEY: Well, that's all right, then.

DOCTOR: The parent lives on through the child. Years of evolution. Children becoming parents giving birth to children. Each time the child becoming stronger, more perfect. Your job is done. You can rest now.

CHARLEY: I've been out-evolved.

DOCTOR: Exactly. And much as I love you, Mama, that makes you something of an embarrassment.

CHARLEY: It's time I died, then.

THIS FUCKIMG AUDIOS THIS FUCKIMG SHOW I CAN'T THIS IS FUNNY AS FUCK

CHARLEY: A daughter. I've had a daughter after all, and I'm so proud.

DOCTOR: I'm the best daughter who ever lived

PLEASE SO GENDER OF YOU SO GENDER LOLOLOLOLOL

i would call it more Suicidal I LOVE THAT THIS STORY IS FINALLY AGNILOGING THE DOCTOR'S SUICIDAL TENDENCIS YES YES YES

YESSS YES SHE DID THE SAME FOR HIM LIKE HE DID HER Y4S!!!!!! FUCK YEAH YES YES YES YES URS YEX

[levaagrace]

Reblogging this again but with these tags attached because this? This is the crux of it all for me.

#hopping up on the soap box for a second because I actually have a lot of thoughts about this#I relistened to this episode again recently#and I think more than many other things that happen to Jon this pushes him closer to embracing being The Archivist#Basira and Melanie and Georgie often stress the idea that Jon’s humanity is the most important thing#like his humanity is the one redeeming thing in their eyes and if he loses track of that then he’s just a Monster capital M#but. they do absolutely nothing to ensure he has anything to hold onto#in order for someone to remain Human they need connection they need love they need someone to say thank fucking god youre alive#I don’t care if his actions weren’t perfect. I don’t care that they lost people. they didn’t lose Jon and yet they treated him dead#Jon already felt entirely alone and confused and scared and like he wasn’t worthy of being loved#and then he woke up from losing almost everything and they proved to him he was. he was in fact alone and they weren’t going to help him#when people force you to feel that way and reinforce it why WOULD you hold on#I understand everyone made mistakes but holy fucking shit#they’re so obsessed with punishing Jon and making him the origin of their struggle that they don’t realize they play a part in his loss#that might be nonsensical but it’s such a defining moment for his character imo. he doesn’t even sound sad. just resigned

Everyone spouts off about how none of them had to be sympathetic or kind to Jon, but no one wants to address the fact that he had no one else. No one wants to address the fact that because they expressed so clearly how little they believed he was human and how little they wanted anything to do with him, that he was taking their advice and ISOLATING HIMSELF FROM EVERYONE ELSE. And so many people applaud Melanie and Basira and Georgie as multi-faceted and realistic, not even realizing that the narrative does nothing to say they are in the wrong! We get ONE scene in the penultimate episode where they decide to take some responsibility for their culpability in Jon becoming what he did and halfhearted apologies that Jon readily denies he needs. Because they were right about him, in the end, that he was just a monster who ended the world. And they were the winners, they were the only ones out of all the named main characters to officially survive. But sure. The hypocrisy and victim-blaming was the point.

Hi I'm actually not over how Jon woke up from a six-month coma with his friends dead and all he got was a call-out statement and his humanity questioned. He didn't even get a hug wtf. No one held his hand. No one smiled at seeing him alive. No one said "thank god" and no one said "welcome back" and no one said "i'll take you home." He didn't even get a cup of tea

He didn't even get a cup of tea

[marlasomething]

The Line Is Erased: Day 24: SINGING THE SONG OF ANGRY MEN!

Hello there! This is the first time I write a RQG fic and it’s going to be…rusty (NO IT’S NOT A PUN). Since I don’t want to be depressing AF and I FUCKING KNOW MYSELF, I am going to choose to write from outsider’s PoV, with a teeny tiny group of characters that just happen to be around on the background.

Also, after writing the first one I realised how much this podcast motivates me to keep saying “yes” to my friends’ campaigns and that is always a good choice for many reasons, so this is homage to all of us, people playing as our always very particular characters and suffering because of dices and masters!

So…that is that.

Here is my contribution for Day 24: Paris + The crack in the ceiling bringing the house down (house might not be the most appropriate term), prompts given by @the-line-is-erased on Tumblr.

From now on, I found the perfect excuse to officially start my relisten of the show! HAHA! Well, at first it is going to be a bit silly: choosing an episode that cover at least one of the prompts to have it MORE THAN FRESH. This time, ep. 54. (I SWEAR I DIDN’T REMEMBER HOW EMOTIONAL ZOLF’S MORAL QUANDRUM GOT BY THE END, THAT MOMENT WAS SO GOOD).

Do forgive me for any possible screw-ups (as well as for my quick tipper, non-native speaker writer).

Allons-y!

TW: mentions of suicide

“Ok, we managed to use the special juice of Paris right before it went down…one wonders how that happened, uh. Man; that was almost as close as some uni deadlines…”

“For the last time Nym, don’t bring in university issues to my game. Also, the comment about the Paris supercomputer going down? A bit too meta.”

“I thought you loved meta Aurora.”

“Yes, but…never mind, we are just going to pretend nobody else heard your comment…you were talking to your Goddess, fine?”

“Do I have any saying?”

“NOPE.”

Nym blinked a couple of times, what has that been?

“Did you say something?” Tara inquired.

“Religious business” the rest of her party, one of the less religious groups one could ever wish to find, just pretended not to be cynical about it and they kept going on circles in the room, while deciding what to do next.

After a few eternal minutes, she stood up. She wasn’t about to go into the unknown without a good reason (she had never been the reckless type), but she was getting far too bored and, even though she hadn’t been previously speaking to her goddess, the paladin knew she would soon contact her and, maybe, this time she was the one that had to go after Nemesis.

She had a feeling about it.

She heard the sound of a dice; she knew her companions hadn’t caught up with what that sound meant (it wasn’t as if she was cent per cent sure herself), but she had learnt she was about to have the chance to be pretty sure about her suspicions (or not).

YES, Nemesis wanted her to go to…The Louvre? FOR REAL?!

She loved art, that much was true but, with that horrible crystal pyramid…If Vincent wasn’t cursed with not being able to appear in cities he had put his feet on while alive, he would likely kill himself again after seeing it.

She shrugged and decided to ask around whether someone wanted to come with her, since they were apparently doing nothing at all.

“Want to come to The Louvre? Might be important for the mission.”

Tara refused with a head movement.

“Agnes and I are staying, we think we might be able to work out what these texts refer to…” the vishkanya next to her nodded in agreement and gave them a thumbs up that tried (and failed) to not be kind of threatening.

Yorick, on the other side, was on their feet the moment she opened her mouth.

“I am sure the Paris scene will love me!”

“You sure? The city felt pretty empty for a week day…”

“For now” they smirked and she sighed as saying ‘it’s your grave you are digging’.  Then, she turned to Saulis, who immediately decided to join too.

After all, Paris felt like the perfect place to test-prove one of his home-made hustles, didn’t it?

                                                     ---------------------------------

Just as they were leaving the hotel, they felt as their legs froze on place, forcing them to turn back. Then, after a couple of minutes of confusion, they realised.

“Shit! We don’t actually know the city geography!”

They went to the concierge, who had the face of someone who had had to deal with someone not worth their likely low income.

“Hi, do you have a map of the city or something?”

“You know you are speaking French, right?”

Nym felt automatically upset, HOW DID THE CONCIERGE DARED TO DOUBT HER LANGUAGE ABILITIES.

“Of course I am; why would you ask such a question…pal?”

“Boy is fine (I guess…). It’s just…making sure, some…guests. Here you go” he handled them the map and they now felt capable of leaving the building.

She hated when her body decided not to respond correctly. Like on fights; why did she patiently wait until other people were doing whatever?

Dumb biology, she guessed.

                                    ---------------------------------

They lost Saulis when, after a pale woman clumsily tried to stole something from the market and a crowd imitated her act, every one of the street stopped paying attention to some locals of expensive firms that were, curiously enough, closed with extremely complex locks on them (the tiefling’s favourites).

He had some robbing to do.

Then, there they were; at the feet of the crystal pyramids

“Ugly” Yorick commented, and she nodded.

A gargoyle passed nearby and they both waved at it.

Then, Nemesis spoke to her and she started climbing the thing up to the top while Yorick just froze in place, too shocked to do anything.

Once on top, the dices’ sound appeared again.

“Shit. I guess I only make a small breach…”

“And only because you brought me chocolate cookies with almonds.”

“Aurora, your generosity knows no limits.”

“I am aware, shall we continue?”

“Yes, yes, I just had an idea…”

A lightbulb illuminated in Nym’s mind.

“Yorick! People were pretty mad on the streets; use the spelly-thingy to lure some of them here!”

“Why?”

“Just do it! They ought to climb this thing.”

                                          ---------------------------------

And so they did, the horrible crystal pyramid crumbling down; nobody truly noticing as revolts were filling the whole city.

“So…why wanted Nemesis to destroy that…thing?”

Nym dismissed her own answer with a hand gesture.

“Nothing important; she hated it and thought I had been asking for too many favours lately.”

                                            ---------------------------------

Extra notes for flavour: Nym is my character for a RPG my friend created (bless his patience and craftsmanship) that is right now in stand-by, though both Nyms share race, gender and some basic personality traits, they are kind of pretty different in any other possible aspect. (Gosh, now I want to ‘recover’ that campaign too…)

Yeah, I made the crystal pyramids already be there (and being only one). Why? Because I bloody hate them and WANTED TO CRUSH THEM TO THE GROUND.

Also, COOKIES TO RPG SESSIONS WITH FRIENDS SUPREMACY!

As usual, likes/kudos (depending if you are reading this on Tumblr or AO3), feedback and random comments ARE SO HIGHLY APPRECIATED.

The title of the story is from the song I listen to at least once a month (in its different variations) since December of 2012: “Do You Hear the People Sing?” from Les Mis. Without that musical, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with musical theatre, saved my life helping with my struggles, make me give “36 Questions” an opportunity, which lead into me thinking “ey, maybe listen to ONE podcast on Halloween 2020”, discover TMA, which made me recover completely the writer inside of me (which improved my mental state –and, therefore, also helped physically and socially-) and also got me into podcasts…as this one (NOW I CANNOT SCAPE, PLEASE DON’T HELP).

                                   -----------------

Also, thanks to the TMA discord channel that posted this prompts! You are lovely, gracias!

Long life and prosperity,

Marla

[forgottenyogurtgods]

Author stuff:  After much wait, here’s chapter two! I still don’t know how long this baby’s going to be. Everyone’s positive reactions so far is giving me tippy-tappy toes, so thank you!

Possible trigger warning! COVID-19 is briefly mentioned and, ultimately, the lockdown that came with it as well. (I’ll try to post all trigger warnings at the top here. If I don’t, give me a shout. I’m pretty easily accessible on the websites I post on.)

no body, no crime

by forgottenyogurtgods

Summary: [I think he did it but I just can’t prove it. No, no body, no crime But I ain’t letting up until the day I die.]

Adrien is a Swiftie. To be fair, who isn’t? And her Evermore album? Chef’s kiss! Except… one song put an idea in his head and now he can’t get it out.

Inspired by this tumblr post.

Chapter 2/?

Last chapter

Episode Two

Two years ago, Emilie Agreste vanished without a trace. Her car was found abandoned on the side of the road, just outside of Paris. All of her things were still inside.

No one has seen or heard from her since that night. 

The police are officially calling it a missing person’s case.

I am your host, Adrian Agreste, and I plan to use this podcast docu-series to find out what happened to my mother and prove to the world that my father killed her.

This all kind of started with Taylor Swift. 

You know, country music star turned pop singer turned alt-folk-rock singer? The one who’s won an award for almost every album she’s ever released? Yeah, that Taylor Swift.

And you can blame some of my classmates on this, too. Specifically, Mylene and Rose.

I’ve always been a Swiftie. Her music helped me to actually learn quite a bit of English. And my mom used to like singing her music with me, so Taylor kind of has been… important in my life, I guess you can say.

As a Swiftie, I was perfectly obligated to join my classmates in our discord chat to stream the albums together. Because, you know, COVID-19 is a thing.

[Future Adrien here! Hey, if you’re from the future and listening to this, first off, hello! Second, thanks for stopping by. Third, yes, I made this podcast during the COVID-19 pandemic. That was a… questionably strange time. Of being isolated to my house once again — we’ll talk about that later in the series. 

Anyway, back to the show!]

Classes were over for the day, and we were all just helping each other get through our homework. As I said before, Mylene and Rose kind of started it.

And everyone went along with it, because they’re Mylene and Rose. They’re just… I can’t really explain it. You just can’t say no when they ask to stream the latest Taylor Swift album over discord for everyone to listen to.

I don’t think anyone was really paying attention to the music much at first, we were just talking over it. I actually didn’t really notice “No Body, No Crime” until the chorus came in for the last time.

I ended up buying the album later that night and relistening to the whole thing while I was supposed to, umm, be working on my English. Which, technically, I was. Just not in a way that was approved by my English language instructor. 

Anyway, “No Body, No Crime” kind of stuck out to me. And it stuck with me. For a while.

And it got me thinking about my mom again. About how she was never found, and no matter how hard they searched, no new information was ever uncovered. How her case is still open and unsolved. 

Okay, so I think about my mom a lot, just in general, but I was thinking about the night she disappeared and how everything played out after that.

Something… something just didn’t sit right with me. I couldn’t place what, but just that something had been off. 

Things just didn’t add up.

So, like any sane person, I ordered a transparent dry erase board and markers. I also printed out all the information I possibly could when I had some spare time.

And I looked over all of the details that had been available to the media and, essentially, the public. As well as the conspiracies that can be found on Reddit and other forums.

We’ll, uh, we’ll get to the conspiracies in a later episode. Those kind of deserve their own episode. They really, really do.

Where was I?

Oh, right. Getting everything in order. 

I ended up recruiting outside help. Not just my friends, like Nino who is my producer and editor, or Marinette who actually designed a really cool logo for this podcast. I’m actually getting help from one of Paris’s akuma-fighting heroes — Chat Noir!

[Dude, when did you even get a chance to talk to Chat Noir?]

Oh, uh, a couple of days ago.

[Alya is going to freak out. You know that, right?]

Yeah, I, uh, kind of figured she would. 

I should… probably explain who Alya is and why she’d freak out. Alya loves superheroes. More than me and Nino, and trust me when I say we binged the entire Marvel and DC movie universes. So many hours…

Anyway, Alya.

Alya runs a blog — the Ladyblog — that reports on Paris’s own superheroes, mainly Chat Noir and… and Ladybug. She’s been faithfully reporting on everything since day one. News reporters all over the world rely on her for not only information but live footage from every battle.

She has actually been really useful in helping me organize everything. 

And it’s because of Alya that I finally figured out what was so wrong with my mother’s case. The thing that had been nagging me at the back of my mind.

The investigation on my mother’s disappearance wasn’t that deep of an investigation. It barely scratched the surface. It was all for show.

No one was putting in any effort to find out what happened to her. But why?

Author stuff cont’d.:  So! This being kind of a story told through a podcast was heavily inspired by a few true crime podcasts. Most notably In the Dark (both the Jacob Wetterling case and the Curtis Flowers case) and Up and Vainished (the Tara Grinstead case), as well as To Live and Die in LA (the Adea Shabani case).

Also available on

[Ao3]

[FanFiction.Net]

[Wattpad]

[ashes-in-a-jar]

Tma relisten Episodes 16-20

Things are picking up! Martin is gone, we meet some Flesh statements with all of their disgusting glory, finally find a skeptic (pretending more like) Jon in Vittery's case and then the story of father Edwin...

A warning, the last two episodes here are a confusing mess of thoughts that I have no energy to orginized so you're welcome to read but beware to remain confused. And add your feedback if you want. I'd love to understand what the hell father Edwin was going through.

16 Arachnophobia

Things are picking up. Oh boy vittery is here!

His description of his fear of spiders kind of reminds me of my experience as an emetophobic. I can read about it, watch it on camera (cringing but still can) but near me? Nope.

Major Tom! Love the pet naming system Jonny came up with.

"Our building had acquired something of an infestation of some sort of insect I didn’t recognise - small, silvery worms, almost like maggots, but slightly longer -" uh oh Jon. Jane is already there. I stand by my theory that the web set up vittery's case where Jane was because they wanted the institute to eventually come in contact with her. Specifically the Archivist. Another way the Web helped mark Jon to help bring the apocalypse.

Pfft his whole interaction with major Tom in this story is sending. "go get that spider" Major Tom "no I don't think I will" and saunters off never to be seen again.

Why are his descriptions of spiders so graphic my god. He likes to dwell on his phobia way too much for his own well-being.

Nice aim with the coffee mug. Especially while panicking.

Don't you just hate that you get used to your phobia because a worse version of it comes up? He managed to kill little spiders no problem from then on and I just... Feel for him so much.

"Can you be haunted by the ghost of a spider that destroyed your childhood?" oh. That one must have hit Jon hard right where it hurt.

"I officially gave Major Tom’s paperwork to the family on the ground floor he decided to move in with" lol cat live be that simple.

Commenting on Jon's hard denial specifically of this case and even thought there is so much obvious evidence supporting the supernatural. Just alot of suppressing fear on Jon's part. I feel so bad for him.

"But as I told Martin earlier, he was there for over a week, so there is very likely a perfectly natural explanation for the fact that his body was completely encased in web" sure. Told Martin. Betting it was a full blown argument from which Martin stormed off to prove him wrong. Jon please get your act together.

17 the boneturners tale

Ah Jared my man making his appearance. The bully next door who picks up and becomes a victim (in a way) of a Lietner instead of the statement giver. Where have I heard that one before...

Michael crew checked out the bone book huh. Saw the Flesh and was like mmm nope not this one either.

Archivist interrupted! We don't get much of these later on, when statements become way more compelling and can't be stopped in the middle.

Ewww and the first other institute staff we get is Elias. The sound mixing is really weird he sounds so strange lol. He hasn't polished his 'I'm an even more posh version of Jon' voice yet.

He takes live statements when Rosie's equipment doesn't work? So basically all of the supernatural ones that want to talk and not write. Those are always more special than the ones written. The statement giver felt the need to talk to someone not just write impersonally.

Elias asks about Martin. Once again fuck you Jonah.

Also Martin is missing the story is picking up! I saw at the end that he was in charge of follow up for this, a library statement. Was probably fun for him seeing he's an ex library worker.

"Blessed relief" no Martin he doesn't really mean that.

Jared experimenting on everything including small animals and his own family is all sorts of bad.

"All I remember clearly is the line “and from his rib a flute to play that merry tune of marrow took”." he took a rib and used it to whistle. Jared took Jon's rib and in 171 he whistles. Hmmmmm

So either reading the book did end up killing the guy or Jared eventually caught up with him. Either way poor soul.

18 the man upstairs

Not alot to say about this one except I oddly really like it, my first listen and now. Something about how gross it was really fascinated me. And boy it's super gross.

The meat creature in the end has eyes! Is it eye aligned in a way? Interesting...

Was this an attempted mini ritual of a sort to bring a meat creature into the world? Did it work? Perhaps that creature housed whet used to be Toby Carlisle who left his original body to become this thing.

Btw Archivist has lunches confirmed!

19+20 confession + desecrated host

The only double statement we have ever. A very unusual thing but also Jon explains it that the second half was misfiled nearby and perhaps was taken out and put back haphazardly. By who? Gertrude looking up. Rituals? Jonah looking up multiple entity rituals? Very ominous.

I feel so bad for father Edwin he really didn't deserve what happened to him.

I'll be honest i wasn't really listening to this one the first time. I was busy doing something else and always tended to half listen to exorcism horror. This is facinating to me as if I'm first hearing it.

Its interesting how Jon records his inability to utter words of belief. Also was this an interview? If so, where is the recording. He couldn't have written like how Jon was stuttering at those words. I need a clarifying answer about these and why Jon needed to record an audio of it when clearly there should be a recording of an old live statement.

It wasn't about God the fact that he couldn't say it anymore. It was about his comfort and denying it.

I think the first thing that marked him was the Slaughter. But now listening to it, it seems like what possessed Bethany moved into his mind because it want to suck out and replace faith and father Edwin had much more of it. How does one replace faith? Introducing the faithful to all the fears. It didn't really work tho since he stubbornly remained faithful.

This nurse Annie figure sent him in the direction of both Bethany and Hilltop Road which makes me very suspicious of her.

“I am not for you. I am marked.” oooh first time hearing those words. Perhaps the entity or what wanted to bring them about refusing to give him to the Desolation?

“Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me.” the entities talking? Or warning father Edwin of his fate? Still sound alot like the Slaughter.

So when he leaves to walk the streets to the place he performs the religious service after being told all of his sins by something pretending to be father Singh, I count the Distortion, the Lonely, Stranger, Corruption? And flesh.

This one is still confusing as hell, I was surprised by breekon and hope's appearance in the end, having been the ones who delivered the stole.

Maybe the entities were trying to collaborate to create a religion of their own? Trying not to enter the world separately as a whole being but living in it as worshipped gods?

Whatever they were they decided to exclude the Desolation and the web from the project since they definitely didn't like Hilltop Road.

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 8 - Burned Out

"One day I returned home to find my father staring through the blinds in terror. He claimed that someone was following him, told me that they were planning to stop his work. I asked him who it was, but he shook his head violently and said I’d know him when I saw him because “all the bones are in his hands”." - Statement of Ivo Lensik

That is such an amazing way to describe Distortion!Michael, though! "All the bones are in his hands". I absolutely did not make this connection on my first listen (I had forgotten this bit by the time the Distortion first showed up.)

"Over the next few years, the kids at the halfway house stopped causing problems in the area around Hill Top Road. It wasn’t an obvious change, but gradually the people living there were seen less and less. Raymond was still there and still seemed perfectly cheery. If anyone asked him about a resident who hadn’t been around for a while, he’d explain that they’d moved on or found a place of their own, and no-one really cared enough to follow up on his information."

Wait a minute, is this implying that the timeline is "Raymond starts running the halfway house" -> "Agnes arrives" -> "Raymond becomes an avatar of the Web and starts mind-controlling and then consuming the kids at the halfway-house" rather than the exact reverse? I had assumed that Raymond was already thoroughly Webbed by the time Agnes ever turned up, but then why did the kids only start disappearing AFTER she shows up? Man, I'll have to pay attention to the other Hilltop Road episodes, I am clearly misremembering a lot.

Climbing down, I retrieved what turned out to be a small wooden box, about six inches square, with an intricate pattern carved along the outside. Engraved lines covered it, warping and weaving together, making it hard to look away.

I absolutely did not make the connection between the box and the table at this moment, even though the table was described in a very similar way and the hole at its centre was explicitly pointed out. I think it had to be pretty much spelled out before I went "Oh. Ooooooh."

"Ah, head trauma and latent schizophrenia – the ghost’s best friends. Aside from excessive indulgence in psychoactive drugs, it seems to me that there is simply no better way to make contact with the spirit world." - Jon

I love how Jon is perhaps at his most dismissive about a story connected to a place that will keep coming back over and over again (and that he will keep coming back to over and over again). Just a bit of extra irony there.

Except… We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree. She had hanged herself. Her age is given at 26, which doesn’t match up at all. But tied by a chain to her waist was a severed human hand, a right hand. Its owner was never identified, but the coroner was apparently quite perplexed, as tissue decay would seem to indicate that the hand’s original owner must have died at almost the exact same time as Agnes.

Goddammit, I'm almost tempted to start a little timeline of "things happening at or in connection with Hilltop Road" for myself as I relisten to TMA. This is all very intricate!

My impression of this episode

Admittedly, when I first listened to this episode, I fell asleep, but I think that says more about my energy levels than the quality of the episode, because the episode is pretty damn good. It is, however, also very much a "We're setting up some ongoing plot" episode (Hilltop Road, Agnes, Raymond Fielding, the missing piece of the web table...). I suspect (and may be confirming this during this relisten, now that I actually know all the plot that's being set up) that those are generally not the episodes that leave me most unsettled, maybe because the writing is too busy setting up plot elements for later or because I was too busy going "Huh, there was a lot of content there, wonder what, if anything, they'll do with that later" or both.

[officerjennie]

Simple Joys & Easy Smiles

Tagged by: @raendown

The goal of this tag is to spread some love and happiness in hard, stressful and depressing times. Here are the rules:

be as honest as you dare. If there’s something you don’t wish to answer, invent something so outlandish no one will believe it and it’ll get a laugh out of them. That way, you don’t have to answer and you’re still spreading laughter and smiles!

change one of the questions for the next round of people you tag, without saying which one you changed. eventually, all my questions will have disappeared and I’m excited to see what this tag will look like in a few days!

tag people you love who deserve a smile and a distraction

Tagging: Whoever hasn’t been tagged and feels like doing it

what is the last film that made you cry happy tears

I mostly watch horror movies, which aren’t really the type to make you cry tears of joy... I’ve been relistening to a podcast lately though, and a character that was believed to be dead for over 40 episodes just came back to life at the end of a really amazing arch. Even though I knew he would come back (I’ve listened to it before), it still had my heart Soaring as I walked home today.

what song did you recently listen to that makes you feel like you could fight dragons (and give one line from it)

“And now I come alive inside these flames”

which video game have you lost yourself into recently (if you don’t play, pick a book or tv show)

Haven’t been playing much of anything lately, or watching much recently either. Been mostly lost in either tidying up the home, or listening to music while painting.

name a tumblr person who brightens your life

@theintellectualweeb

describe your favourite colour without saying its name or naming a thing of this colour

The softness between. A calm that brings a small smile to your face.

name another best tumblr friend

@mike-remington-hanson

link the last tumblr post you reblogged that struck something deep inside of you

Struck a cord for sure

recount a memory that made you believe that love exists in a way you understand

The other day, I had to be sent home from work due to some serious fucking pain. Almost cried on my boss and I’d never seen him point his finger at a door faster. When I got home, I didn’t even change my clothes or put my uneaten lunch in the fridge, I just limped to the bedroom and collapsed down on the bed onto my side. And my sweet, old Lolla, who is almost always stationed at the foot of my bed, all toasty on her heating pad - Lolla waddled her way up the side of my bed to greet me. And for the first time ever, she put her front paws up on my side, and half laid on me while I shook and tried to breathe past the pain. She laid on me and purred and kept me company the whole while.

if you have children, tell me what little thing they did recently that shocked you up with how much you adore them (if you don’t have children, same but with another human)

I have furry children. Toddlers. They exasperate me to no end and I adore them. But I also recently adopted a little fishie child, who I watched dance in his water today. All flashy colors and movements. Turns out he wanted more food - he’s figured out he can dance around to get my attention, and I simply could not have been more delighted. I love him ^^

if you could cover your entire body with a tattoo, what poem(s), quote(s) or song lyric(s) would you use

My entire body? Nothing. But I already have a tattoo that holds the same purpose, and it’s a single kanji, in remembrance of someone I lost many years ago.

what does it mean to you

^

name a person that inspires you

My friends. But I’m careful about letting people inspire me, because I’ve looked up to people and had the veil ripped away too many times. 

which book do you always come back to

I have a difficult time rereading books. 

recount a memory that made you feel like you were worth the world

I remind myself pretty regularly that I’m worth a lot more than my depression tells me I am, and lately I’ve been pretty good at giving very good reminders ^^

name one item close to you that is precious and tell us why

I have a cheetah pillow pet that someone got for me back in 2012, and it’s literally travelled everywhere with me ever since. It’s been overseas and everything. Honestly I can’t sleep without it at this point.

what’s your comfort food?

Comfort drink, really. Tea. But I don’t seek it out when I need comfort, it’s more just a stable in my day-to-day life that relaxes me when I’m at home. I don’t eat or drink anything special to cheer myself up.

a fic you read recently that shook you to your core

I actually haven’t read it in ages, but citing it now just proves how much it did shake me to my fucking core

In All That's Dark, Our Colors Bright - by @mike-remington-hanson

if it applies to you, what style, clothes, and/or makeup look makes you feel like you’re marching straight towards victory

I haven’t found a full outfit, but damn did I figure out slacks make me feel like I’m the fucking Boss. 

[thrash-rocket]

My thoughts on Taz Murder On the Rockport Limited

So since I done goofed up my original post I just relistened to all the episodes and wrote down some live reactions in my journal (also all rest of these posts will be written in the same way) and here they are

I wonder how many more times through out the series Clint is gonna reference Animal House and Kenny Chesney

Robbie the gangs roommate seems like an okay dude but I would hate to live with him but he'd be cool to hang out with every now and again

I love the image of the gang going to be briefed by the director and showing up in their jammies and magnus just changing mid conversation and pulling it off without Griffin noticing

Shout out to Travis for trying to bring in some fan favorite characters on the next adventure before Griffin shuts him down

The gang actually has to talk Magnus into doing something for a change

He drinks Robbie's potion which leads to a pretty fantastic conversation with Avi

The boys stopping to explain Salvia to their dad and that they know about it through a "rolling stone article" was great

Let me say that while takko is my favorite character but Magnus is my favorite in action scenes and battles because he does so much unique things with the environment like the trial in the last chapter and using rail splitter to fell a tree to damage the leeches in the swamp

In classic Clint fashion tries to bullshit his way into using spells his character let alone his class does not have

Tom Bodett makes an appearance for some reason but at least he left the light on and has a sprinkler party to help the boys out after the encounter in the sawmp

Their minds quickly change from no don't kill Tom to we have to kill Tom very quickly

They totally should have killed Tom I mean there's an entire town of him in some kind of hive mind of Tom Bodetts for unclear reasons

Everyone immediately shoots down Clint's Scottish accent which occasionally slips into scrooge mcduck

Like every interaction takko has with an npc the one with Hudson is just swell. The general confusion on both parties takko switching between fancy and basically child talk

If Travis didn't bring up the phantom fistI wonder how Griffin would have worked in Hudson's hand stink into the story if at all

The gang just in and out of character just tear Jenkins apart verbally for a straight 15 minutes

He is a shitty wizard though can't even bother to use a single spell slot

Griffin takes a trip to the burn ward after it's revealed he needs a "exosuit of pillows" to properly sleep

As a huge wrestling mark I am ecstatic that wrestling in some fashion exists in the show

It does somewhat feel like Griffin railroaded them into learning the mechanics of the pleasure room but as a dm you just gotta do that from time to time

We meet the world's greatest detective who is immediately evangelized and accused of being the baddie

I'm slowly learning the gang gets through most of their adventures by just goofing about and bullying their way through everything

Chapter 4 starts off of course with more shitting on Jenkins again

The gang is deemed by Angus to be too incompetent to be the killers yet are trusted by a shadow organization to gather the world's most dangerous items... Go figure

R.I.P. Jenkins even in death you are roasted figuratively and later literally

Who gave this precious baby boy a crossbow and how did he go about getting it on the train

CRAB BATTLE (please someone get this reference)

Magnus again proves how amazing he is at using his environment in a fight using the phantom fist to punch the crab out of the train and using the chair to cause blunt damage

Clint has some good crab related jokes during the fight

It says a bit about Magnus' character that he seems so jealous of Jess but I mean hey we all do 29 points of damage am I right

I know it's a goof but it's so funny that Jess changed her last name to The Beheader for her brand because there are plenty of wrestlers in real life who have done just that

Griffin reveals his expectation that the group would be incapable of properly introducing themselves and was 100% correct

ZONE OF TRUTH

Griffin keeps slipping into angus' voice for the juciy wizard during the interrogation scene

Knowing then ending gives a different perspective on the conversation with the "conductor"

Scuttle buddy needs more fan art

Angus expects too much from the gang requesting they not kill anyone

The mystery was pretty well thought out what with ghost voice, the misdirection with Jenkins, using the drink cart to move the body, and the wand to create a false cargo room

Even after being revealed as the murderer they still shit on Jenkins despite Griffin's attempts to get them to take him seriously

Clint has used all his spell slots unsurprisingly mostly casting zone of truth

Travis nearly kills his character before retconing his impulsive decision to basically jump out of a moving train

Griffin is so impressed by Travis' sick moves he let's Magnus get away with some cool ass shit

In an amazing turn of events Jenkins completely whiffs his only spell proving what we knew all along that he is just the worst

Look i know some things that happen later on towards the end with the umbra staff and I can not wait to see how it leads up to that

Justin takes a moment to do what almost any sensible D&D player would do and jacks everyone's valuables while their backs are turned

In a moment that proves my bullying theroy the shove actual child Angus Mcdonald from a moving train

Takko pulls a boss move sending the train to the garden to avoid destroying yet another city

I kinda want to know why Graham has juciy on his robes

Robbie is now just known as pringles but at least they remembered to get him the snack of his name sake before returning to the moon

Griffin and Travis set the seeds for a Magnus heel turn later on

The director as seems to be her trade mark expects too much hoping they would have just removed the relic from the train rather get into a murder mystery on a runaway train.

That's it for now tune in next time once I finish the Petal to the Metal chapters where I'll also cover the 1st moon Interlude

[the-slut-verses]

eos 10 relisten highlights and musings

Honestly the first thing that stuck out to me was how damn thirsty everyone is for Ryan. no lie i can call this post ryan dalias thirst club cuz it’s 90% abt that. as much as everyone makes fun of ryan’s forehead, they can all agree he’s a hottie

the most memorable ryan thirst moment was when he showed akmazian his threatening to explode dick and it was love at first sight for our favorite (alleged) terrorist

it's amazing how the entire overarching plot of the show all started when an alien wanted to get on Ryan and almost made his dick explode in the process

Then there was doctor osolong whom the the first thing we know about is that he's always checking Ryan out

In season 2, Levi and the interface bonded over how hot Ryan is, going into great detail about his abs and biceps and whatnot, and can you blame em

And like the interface was so weak for Ryan she (or is it they?) short-circuited when he has pretending to be dying in Jane's officer exam

In season 2 episode 3, when Ryan was sad after his dad did, Jane was totally dtf Ryan just to cheer him up. That's so weird but that's so sweet of her!

In the same episode, both Jane and Levi were totally dtf akmazian and the two headed killjoy quartermaster just to get Ryan a pet. Man they're so sweet I love them so much!

Outta all the main characters, the only one not thirsty for Ryan is doctor Urvidian which is good cuz 1) he's old and

2) he's probably Ryan's father. I can't believe I forgot that little bit, that Ryan's mom told him he was conceived on the same ship he had an affair with doctor Urvidian

tho sometimes the thirst comes from ryan and it’s not just directed at him. remember in the second christmas special when he was in that mind meld with the alien pine tree along with everyone else on the station, jane noticed that ryan thinks about dr osolong, and in those thoughts he was nude

jane notes that he’s circumcised which tells us that ryan has indeed seen dr osolong naked if he knows that. jane also notes that she was a little surprised cuz she thought jewish people stopped regularly circumcising abt a hundred years ago and dr osolong’s jewish

speaking of dr osolong, ryan mentioned in ep 7 of s2 to the interface that he had a fling on shore leave. but he doesn’t think he’ll do stuff like that again cuz he realized that he’s caught deep and genuine feelings for someone. 

if it’s any of the characters we know already, i think it’s dr osolong cuz we can infer they’ve talked and interacted p regularly offscreen. i wanna say i think it’s akmazian but i don’t think ry-ry would be so quick to admit his feels for our favorite (alleged) terrorist

unrelated but ryan sleeps naked and we only know abt this cuz dr urvidian told jane to examine him to do something about that forehead problem

Moving on from the Ryan Dalias thirst club, I remember Justin McLachlan saying someone dies in season 3 right?

In the season 2 finale, akmazian said "I'm a wanted terrorist." the weird oracle from Levi's planet told him "you will be desired no longer."

That could mean that in season 3, 1) he'll be proven innocent, or 2) he'll either die or fake his own death so he won't be wanted anymore, or 3) he'll prove his innocence by dying for a good cause. I hope to God he don't die but that thought crossed my mind

Moving on to more plot/lore stuff; in the s2 finale, both akmazian and Ryan react with disbelief when they're told about an "alliance warship" which makes me think that the alliance is like the United federation of planets cuz they both abstain from building dedicated warships, only using their fleets for science, exploration, and diplomacy

i think maybe the big conspiracy in the alliance aims to turn the loose alliance into something more centralized like say a federation. and since they’re building warships, they probably wanna conquer the galaxy or some stuff

i forgot how levi can be so damn intense and scary, how he was able to blow up a ship, how he regularly has black market dealings, how he’s probably a very very horrible prince

levi isn’t as dense and dumb as i thought i remembered cuz he stole high level alliance clearance code which let him decode some shady stuff from the big conspiracy. this makes me think that maybe he’s intentionally slowing down the paper work for his immigration stuff into the alliance cuz he wants to stay on the station. maybe he doesn’t want the alliance looking too deeply into his past

i totally forgot how comforting i found that soft humming sound of the station engine in the background, it always makes me feel at ease

[flammene]

5 things and some ramblings on ep. 81

Best thing about Wednesday night? YEEES, it’s the Magnus Archives, and I hate the middle of the week a bit less... Well... we can say the first episode of Season 3... happened. The last few hours before it was released I was just all nerves, I was finishing some reading, but it was really hard to concentrate, I was a bit too excited. And then it was here, and it said it was a statement from Jon. I’d hoped the 1st episode of the season would be his statement, but I hadn't given much thought to what kind of statement that would be. And for it to be the story of his first encounter with the supernatural... well, I was beyond excited by that point. 

It also means I only managed to fall asleep by 5 a.m., so if I'm not very comprehensible now, you know what to blame. 

There was so much there that I probably need a few more relistens to go through the whole paradigm of reactions properly, because the first (out of two, at the moment) time I listened my brain just went from 'I'm scared of how well-written it is' to 'actually scared now' to 'oh wait how does that work' to 'so sorry for what's happened to you' to 'well but your suffering is written really beautifully'. 

So, five random things that I took away from it. Spoilery spoilers below.

1.  'A guest for Mr Spider'. WHAT A DELIGHTFUL TITLE. Among my favourites for sure. I should squash together titles of all the episodes that mention spiders sometime and look what happens. 

While I’m at it, let me talk about the Spider for a minute. Is the Spider just a hungry thing that will devour anything? Or almost anything, considering that Mr Spider doesn't eat flowers. Or is it more about the web? What about people like Annabelle Cane? Of all the entities the Spider confuses me the most, largely because of its assumed name. All of the others seem to have their nature or their purpose reflected in what we have taken to calling them. The Spider, meanwhile, is just the spider, it bears the name of an animal, a concrete noun that doesn't explicitly stand for any concept. Maybe we've yet to find a name that fits it more accurately than just the physical way it manifests. Or maybe... I don't know. Because we still don't know what it wants or what it really does. Also, the fact that 'What do the spiders want?' is a hashtag is hilarious to me. I can visualise the spider book very easily. Funnily enough, while Jon did not get the feeling of having read it before, I feel like I've seen it. I wonder if it's just me — I've actually encountered quite a few similar-looking books with black-and-white covers and those kinds of illustrations, though most of the books were poetry (and didn't depict spiders). I think. Still, maybe not. The descriptions were very detailed, and very affecting. It could've just been their vividness, I suppose.

2. I did imagine Jon a bit older. Considering I couldn't possibly know what he looked like, it probably should be attributed to 'something in his demeanour' in this case. The fact that he is apparently just a couple of years older than Martin took me a few hours to get used to (it still feels kind of weird!). And while I didn't have any specific headcanon for what his family was like, aside from 'distant', I did have some headcanons of how his life could have been up to the point when we met him as the Archivist. Time to re-imagine now! 

Also, now I'm more curious about how old everyone else is and what sort of look exactly did Tim and Martin and Sasha give Jon when he first mentioned his age to them (assuming he did mention it himself). It would be interesting to put it in this perspective. 

3. I was expecting the first episode to be exposition-y, I didn't expect it to be very scary. WELL I SHOULD HAVE. Every time I think the show won't surprise me anymore, it just proves me so wondrously wrong. I'm not easily scared by stories, especially if the text is in English (I read an article once that said you’re more likely to be emotionally affected when you're dealing with something that’s in your first language, it apparently has to do with how the language was studied or picked up). The last one that managed to truly shake me was Fatigue. Well, this was at times almost worse. (What I mean to say, of course, is: absolutely literally stunning). 4. When I heard the other voice, I knew immediately it was Georgie. Not to give myself too much credit, of course, I mean, there weren't that many options, but still. I wonder what their relationship is like. I wonder what she is like. From what we've heard it seems to me like she fits Melanie's description of who the industry is comprised of ('Sceptics pretending to be believers pretending to be sceptics...' — 'I think the word you're looking for is charlatans'), but she sounds really interesting. And she's not pushy, which means I instantly like her as a character. 5. When I relistened, I picked up something I hadn't noticed the first time, what with all the emotions and terror. Jon mentions to Georgie (who runs a podcast called What the Ghost) a familiar group of things, may I say, which include money, socks and apparently rubbish mattresses. It's hilarious and I have to transcribe it. 'I suppose you are rolling in all that sock money. Up to your eyeballs in mattresses?'   'Oh, don't... They did send me one, you know. Oh, it was dreadful, I couldn't sleep on it. I managed three days before my back gave out. I've still got it somewhere in the guest room if the other one is not up to your exacting standards'. 

And if I’m to finish off with a TBT reference, then what I have to say is: the best thing The Black Tapes could’ve done for me is introducing me to The Magnus Archives. Last winter I found a recommendation on Reddit... and it’s been the best thing in the podcasting world for me. And I can’t wait to hear more of it.

[astronomifier]

Magnus Relisten Eps 19 & 20

The mid-season finale of The Magnus Archives gives us the show’s first and only two part statement, in the form of Confession and Desecrated Host. I’m going to treat these, therefore, as a single episode for the sake of my review.

Episodes 19 and 20: Confession and Desecrated Host Case #0113005 Statement of Father Edwin Burroughs, regarding their claimed “demonic possession”.

This episode is proving an exceptionally difficult for me to write about, actually. Its interesting, certainly, and has a very unsettling atmosphere, but beyond that i struggle to find much to say. I don’t think this is a flaw of the episode, rather a flaw of my analytical format. This episode is simultaneously stream of consciousness and character study, and its horror comes from its unrelenting, building mood. So its hard to really talk about it in any way but emotionally, at least until the final scene which is a full on horror extravaganza. Even then, though, its basically just a smorgasbord of unsettling and creepy visual ideas with only the loosest of connecting tissue. Another issue i have though, which is very much a personal one, is that my strong lack of religious conviction kind of makes it difficult for me to know what im supposed to think about this two parter? like... within the canon of the Magnus Archives we are not supposed to believe that demonic possession is a real thing in this universe. Sorry if thats a spoiler by the way, but i kind of need to talk about it to make my point here. So, in light of the fact that christian demons are not a thing in this universe, the fact that i never took Burroughs’ belief that he was being possessed to be true tracks. At the same time, we arent supposed to know that for a fact at this point, so maybe i was supposed to take him at face value? like. The episode works either way, so I’m probably just overthinking it, but i would be curious to hear if Jonny expected the audience to consider it a possibility. I will say though that my lack of familiarity with catholic ritual does i think reduce the final scene’s readability for me. Actually, on that note there’s quite a lot that could be said about faith in the Magnus Archives, but it would require a format that can look at the show holistically, and probably like, an essay format rather than a review one. Anyways, i don’t think there’s much more to say here, other than that Jon’s follow up, especially the bit with Breakon and Hope deliveries from episode 2, implies that there may have been another active agent involved, perhaps a more obviously paranormal one. Perhaps we can also take Burroughs’ statement that something in Bethany O’connor jumped into him upon her death at face value. Oh, also, trivia: in case you hadn’t noticed (but you probably did), Burroughs recounts the same statement from episode 8, Burned Out, in episode 19.

Burroughs as a narrator can’t really be separated from the statement, here, i don’t think. The statement’s plot is his gradual loss of grip with his reality, and his characterization is as a man who loses that grip and can keep it only with faith. This does mean though that he has perhaps the most well defined personality of any statement giver so far, especially with 2 episodes to express it in.

7/10. These two episodes are an interesting experiment, and have excellent atmosphere, but im not sure theyre actually all that much more interesting than the average magnus archive’s episode. I almost gave it a 6, but i gave it a bit of a bump just for being so unique. It also did very much make me feel unsettled, though im not exactly sure why it was more effective than some other episodes. The deeply personal nature of it, perhaps. On the other hand, though, i do question if this 2 parter needed to be a 2 parter. it doesnt particularly drag, but there were some moments of slow exposition that perhaps could have been cut in light of how massively long it is. I will say though, just as writing this review was a struggle for me, giving these episodes a numerical score was quite difficult.

SPOILER PARAGRAPH: The thing that popped this up above a middling 6 for me was reading this as a Spiral episode. The Spiral is all about madness and being unsure as to whats going on, so the fact that i struggled to find anything solid to latch on to in writing this review? honestly a sign that it worked. With that said, there will be better Spiral episodes going forwards, Fatigue being the stand-out as it basically does the same stream-of-consciousness techinique but better and more extreme. Ill also take a moment to note here: So many of our spiral episodes are really just Micheal episodes, and while we do get a few statements where Micheal causes a statement giver to think themselves mad, when Micheal interacts with Jon or the archival staff, he’s more of an enigmatic, confusing ally than a Spiral entity tormenting a victim. That is to say, episodes where Micheal just shows up at the archives for a chat don’t really hit that Spiral-y, confusing, maddening tone as the actual statements from Spiral victims, which means we get surprisingly few full-on spiral episodes in the show, at least in my mind. Granted, too many would risk getting kind of old, so its fine. One more thing: some have suggested that the final moment has “Flesh-y notes”. Maybe. Certainly the descriptions of Jaundiced church goers, cannibalism, and the general christian vibe suggest Flesh in the final scene. Remember, we see Flesh and Christianity paired in many other places in the show. but I struggle to figure out how that scenario would have come to be. We so rarely see multiple entities working together, and never for something as small as scaring a single individual. I would like it to be true, honestly, but i think its easier to fit this into broader canon if one reads it as the Spiral relying on flesh-like horror to drive in that feeling of demonic madness. This is doubly true of the cannibalism bit: the Spiral simply needed to sell the effect with something that they could force Burroughs to do that he would find absolutely mortifying.

[sleepymarmot]

Twilight Mirage liveblog 4/5 (episodes 55-63)

55-56

Ha, Austin rereads the passage I just came back to relisten 

Yeah, this only proves the point that you can't put the wellbeing and infrastructure of an entire society on the shoulders of 300 people with superpowers, and the warmth of their personal relationship with the rest ot the people! Sorry, I can't make myself sad about this system that was ridiculous and inherently unsustainable from the start!

But how about… Not mean humans ~enslaving innocent Divines~ because they're not idealistic enough or too utilitarian or w/e… not the Divines going “Oh no the 30k years of our love weren't real! You only want us for our bodies! Guess we'll die” and flopping over… How about Divines actually step up and sacrifice themselves willingly for the common good, you know, the way countless humans have done in this universe across both arcs?! “They could be made to be what Candidates once were” Oh boo fucking hoo!

I'm just. Thinking of C/w finale and how unnecessarily brutal it was and how many people sacrificed themselves and others for the greater good. And you're telling me that the Divines and the entire Fleet as a society are too precious for that? And I don't mean sacrifice yourself like Belgard, I mean the bigger picture. A utopia that isn't for everyone isn't a utopia, etc, see that post about The Good Place that got a surprising amount of notes lol

Also count me as an Independence kin still. I would absolutely break up with someone over the right to die (then run away and make everyone really upset by my mere presence then behave in such a way they have to kill me, twice. Okay maybe not this part)

Honestly the whole concept of the Fleet sounds so toxic. It's like being fully financially dependent on your beloved parents forever.

Oh wait here's another thing I must rage about: they stopped making new Divines so that they wouldn't be enslaved! Here's a novel idea: how about instead making a Divine that could be turned into a more productive machine… you make that machine in the first place??? You know, how people in real life make machines to use instead of manual labor??

Like, the problem with Divines is a two-sided coin:

Flawed individuals should not possess inordinate amounts of power. They might abuse it, misuse or just use with good intentions but in controversial or questionable ways (see: the Divines in Counter/weight).

As a flip side, making an entire community almost fully dependent on labor of a small group of sentient beings of a separate species is an unfair burden to them, and even if it is provided willingly. The benefitters become dependent on providers, which is exacerbated by the latter's small numbers (the Fleet being thrown into a crisis by the loss of the final Divines and only coming out of it fine because another superpowered being happened to be nearby). The providers are put at risk of exploitation (the Divines of being “enslaved/killed”), especially since they are outnumbered. The benefitters’ genuine love for the providers is undermined and may eventually be corrupted and superseded by their vested interest in maintaining this arrangement -- but at the same time, wanting more resources is a natural thing and people cannot and should not be blamed for it. This relationship may be mutually beneficial (and it was for an astonishingly long time) but carries an inherent risk.

So Divines potentially have too much and too little power at the same time. Both of these problems could have been avoided if “a special kind of synthetic beings” and “algorithms and robots that provide unique services that form the backbone of society” were two separate things in the first place! Fine, you can't undo what happened tens of thousands of years ago under very specific circumstances and specific threat, but you could try to recognize the problem instead of building a community whose structure is bound to bring that problem to the forefront sooner or later. 

Okaaay, so where did the Divines that “didn't make the cut”, other than Independence, go? Is there a club of really bitter superpowered rejects somewhere?

I really don't get why Tender is having such a crisis

Austin and Janine are a pair of sadistic bastards lmao

I can't believe it's only been an hour into the episode, feels like an eternity (in a good way)        

On the one hand, it's nice that at least Anticipation was thinking about the things I wrote above. On the other, “They could be made to be what Candidates once were” becomes even more ridiculous, because Anticipation is using her excerpt like a candidate Right Now! In order to determine whether she and her kin should be used! 

Tender gets her own version of the “Independence makes Grand an offer he can't refuse” scene :D 

Okay, my first objection to “giving it to Sho” was “um, you want to waste that resource on becoming a museum piece?!” but my current one is, unlike the players' “Anticipation would hurt Sho”, is “do you really want to combine this with Sho's high-strung personality?”

Aaand Tender makes the right choice :D I'm glad.

Wow! This second episode has wildly exceeded all my expectations. What a ride

57-59 

No offense, but I wish the three episodes of “everything is Advent's fault somehow, again” didn't stand in my way to the much superior premise of “Grand Magnificent and Waltz Tango Cache rescue Fouteen from a newly arrived rival faction's flagship”. God, I hope this goes in some interesting unexpecting direction asap. 

Wait, was it ever mentioned that Echo's family is also separated onto the two planets? That's new to me, and it would have been relevant to the first post-Miracle arc. 

Gig making a bold move, getting hit with 4 stress at once and gaining a status at the beginning of the mission: 

Blease tell me someone has redrawn that Community gif with Echo entering the completely trashed ship. That's such a good image

The entire throwing maneuver and the rolls they got… Absolutely fucking crazy

I actually yelped out loud when Echo failed a fucking desperate roll inside the light beam

How come Echo's nanites were inactive before but got activated now? How does that work? 

It's strange how suddenly the show got intense again! The missions after the Miracle felt fun but unengaging for me, and I didn't expected it to pick up until the finale. So many ups and downs in this arc! Can't believe how quickly and often it went from “we basically won” to mortal danger in about one turn. The title should have been “Echo Reverie's Terrible, Bad, No Good Day”… Glad to see the theme of the weight of violence back. It feels very natural as a conflict between Even and Echo, but I wonder if later it would involve Grand Magnificent too – the discussion during Even's message for Cascabel reminded me of what I wrote after the holiday special.

60-61 

Being one of the only two party members doesn't suit Waltz, he has to act dumb for the sake of player agency 

I understand why Jack wants to see what the “new job” is about, but not why Fourteen does!

Ending the recap on “Now you're gonna go your separate ways, and everything's gonna fall apart” is, um, nice

Wait, why is Fourteen on their last life? And how would they know that?

Oh, here's the arms dealer Grand Magnificent I was waiting for lmao Although to be honest… That design wasn't that special in terms of military power, right? I remember the disussions of its complex appearance and the difficulty of shaping the material into this multifaceted sculpture, but it didn't have any innovative armor or weaponry, right? It's not like it's the first and only q-glass mech. I mean, setting aside the base problem that it might not be the most wise and ethical idea to give weapons to the amoral people for whom you just delivered a bomb (and are trying to ignore that fact) while they're tearing your friend's body apart, and that they would have settled for less… it's not like he gave them the part of the actual Divine Independence. I guess we'll see what Advent will do…

At some point Jack, I think, said that Grand is acting like Lem and I was like. Please don't. Can you not go into that direction in the future too please. I've already been concerned about his character arc since finishing Winter and this isn't helping!

Anyways today I had enough free time to listen to five episodes and now I'm hungover and also sad. I'm glad Grand Magnificent didn't suddenly become heroic but also this is depressing. Can't wait for everyone (minus him posssibly?) to finally meet and share the wild shit that happened to them recently. Tender is an excerpt! Fourteen is a knight and also on the brink of dying forever for some reason! Echo has fought in a civil war against their brother! Grand sold out to everyone's #1 enemy and left!

I don't really get ending episode on so much exposition… I understand the awkwardness of retelling an event that was intended to happen onscreen, but when Schism attacked, I assumed that fighting it would be the finale. On the other hand, I thought the same about the September Incident, and how happy I was to be wrong!

62-63

The downtime episode was excellent – exactly the thing I like! Two notes:

I can't be the only one bothered by the use of the word “fascist”, right? Greedy cynical bandits and graverobbers, capitalists, terrorists, whatever… but what does fascism do with any of that?

Everyone's plans for the future were pretty vague, but what I really didn't get was the heart of the debate between Signet and the Cadent. It sounded as if they were talking about the same thing with different words sometimes…

The doctor is Jace, correct? Rapid Evening, academic career, stratis, husband and wife, used to be rivals with someone named Rose? I had to relisten to the entire vignette looking for clues and trying to rememer anyone who would fit all of these descriptors.