#I did play it on both the intended and an easier difficulty both

[shmowder]

Your blog is making me want to replay Patho 2 again... I did play once on the intended difficulty, and then I replayed it afterwards on the easiest settings, doing everything and saving everyone and I'm ngl, that was some of the most fun I've ever had even though it wasn't quite in the spirit of the game haha

The so-called spirit of the game is this senior citizen wirh an overgrown 2000s anime boy haircut who shakes his cane at you sassily when you choose to only swallow a handful of razors as opposed to the razor muckbang the game offers.

I finished the game on the hardest difficulty

This was my first time playing the game ever. I straight up went to the intended difficulty, saved everyone, did everything, and never starved for a single day. I had 20+ Shmowders by the end. I was fully stocked on meat, I was fully stocked on homemade antibiotics and maxed the hospital shift each day.

All of that with only 3 Deaths

WHERE IS MY FUCKING CELEBRATION HUH? WHERE IS MY MEDAL? NO ONE THEW ME A PARTY, NO ONE INVITED BELLA HADID >:( MARK WASN'T IMPRESSED.

Fuck you Mark! ONE OF THOSE DEATHS WAS BULLSHIT YOU DUMB SLUT. YOU SPAWNED A GUY ON TOP OF ME WHILE I WAS PICKING UP HERBS, HOW THE FUCK DID HE ONE SHOT ME WITH FULL HEALTH HUH? YOU WHORE.

What I'm saying is. Look, we both finished the game on complete opposite extremes, yet we're both here. In a pathologic x reader blog on tumblr. We both had fun and shared a good understanding of the plot and characters. That's what matters. Everything else is just people patting themselves on the shoulder. You're the only one who will be impressed with the fact you beat the game flawlessly, and you're the only one who will be bothered by the fact you picked an easier difficulty

Because it's really not that different. To me, I have the kind of autism that makes games like pathologic smoother than water for me, I thrived on the ruthlessness of dark soul and did a no death run in darkest dungeon. But also. I absolutely suck at casual games, I can't play Stardew Valley unless I'm fully cheating, I can't for the life of me beat a single platforming game because I have a slow reaction speed.

Play Pathologic however you want! Ice-pick Joe isn't gonna pop from under your bed at 3am to beat you up with hammers. This is coming from the most tryhard difficulty elitism person there is in games.

Buttttt. I do recommend giving Pathologic classic HD a try. I promise anyone who beat Pathologic 2 on ANY difficultly will cuck tf out of the first game. There is no thirst! The vendors have unlimited money, and you can sell all of your trash to them! THE ECONOMY IS THRIVING I BOUGHT FOOD ON THE DAYS THE PRICES WERE SKYROCKETING BC I COULD AFFORD IT. I would've never financially recovered from buying food in P2 on any day that's not the first one. In P1, I rarely slept because I was deepthroating lemons and snorting coffee beans day and night since I could easily afford the health/hunger penalty.

Meanwhile, in P2, I'd save coffee beans to sell to get enough money to save up for army clothes.

The combat is so forgiving, the houses with good loot aren't the infected ones like in P2 but the burned ones! The AI in that game is so stupid you can trick plague clouds into disappearing if you stand still! You can glitch and jump over fences to take shortcuts through the town! YOU CAN SCAM THAT CUNT ANDREY STAMATIN FOR ENDLESS SHOTGUNS.

Lastly don't forget that 90% of the Pathologic fandom haven't even played any of the games at all. 70% probably never watched a single playthrough either and just video essays instead.

In the steam version of Pathologic 2, Only 10% of players who bought the game have ever reached the end.

10% !!! That's us there! Me and You! It doesn't matter how what matters is that we both did it while 90% of people gave up.

And the situation in the classic game is even more dire tbh-

Only 6% ever opened the game and made it through the first day. Only 3% ever made it to the last day.

So, really good on you for finishing the game! Good on me for finishing the game! WE DID IT! YAY! Someone really should give Bella Hadid a call.

Also, please do yourself a favour and ignore whatever the video essayist says about the difficulty of the games. They're good storytellers for building an interesting narrative to watch, but they're not good at videogames assessment. Each of their reasons is very personalised by their own experience and doesn't necessarily mean other people will struggle with the same issues. Don't listen to anyone who tells you picking an easy difficulty ruins the game either, Pathologic doesn't relay on its brutal gameplay to shine, it can more stand on its own as a narrative story walking game. If anything, it would probably shine better on easier difficulties when you have time to dig for context clues and plot without starvation breathing down your neck. I missed some flavour text quests because I was too stressed about balancing different objectives to do them or pay attention when something important was said.

[surr3al1sm]

A few days ago, @new-and-disturbed-theorist shared that they were experimenting with playing Just Dance while putting the joycon inside a fishnet glove. I thought it was pretty genius, so I wanted to give it a try and see whether it affected the maps' scoring in any way. And that's what I did today!

I compiled a small playlist of a few maps from each difficulty and played the playlist through once while using the glove and once while holding the joycon, as Selios intended. The results of this are under the cut :)

My hypothesis before hand is that the glove might have a similair effect on the scoring as the wrist band I bought a while ago does, which tracked worse than simply holding the joycon does. Onto the actual experiment!

Easy Maps - 4 in total - 7 Megastars and 1 Superstar Girlfriend (Played as P1): With the glove: 13051 Holding the joycon: 13112 Basically the same, but this map did shift the joycon for a few moves so that affected tracking.

Toxic (JD2 edition): With the glove: 13126 Holding the joycon: 12886 Some moves track better while using the glove, although that might just be because the movements are a little softer than when I do them without the glove and the tracking

Part Of Me: With the glove: 13000 Holding the joycon: 13166 If you do this map with the glove: make sure your joycon is secured very tightly. I had to restart it because my joycon decided to fall out. Not my proudest moment.

10.000 Luchtballonnen (Played as Klaasje): With the glove: 11808 Holding the joycon: 13161 I noticed with this map that a certain section of the chorus does not track well with the glove (probably due to your hand usually facing a different way) which is also simulatiously the part where you score a good chunk of your score.

Medium Maps - 4 in total - All Megastar Crazy Little Thing: With the glove: 12243 Holding the joycon: 12652 The joycon shifts a lot here too.

Judas: With the glove: 12363 Holding the joycon: 12496 Today just wasn't the day to play Judas so excuse both of these scores they were my fault LOL Boy's a liar Pt. 2 (Played as Brunee): With the glove: 12611 Holding the joycon: 12836

Bloody Mary: With the glove: 12688 Holding the joycon: 12684

Hard Maps - 3 in total - All Megastar Can't Tame Her: With the glove: 12529 Holding the joycon: 12387

Greedy: With the glove: 12317 Holding the joycon: 12564

About Damn Time (Played as Luke): With the glove: 12728 Holding the joycon: 12686

Extreme Maps - 1 in total - Megastar WANNABE (Played as Rosaria): With the glove: 12220 Holding the joycon: 12294

In conclusion, I honestly didn't notice any big difference like the wrist band had. Most of the scores fall in the same range as you can see. It was a little easier to dance with the glove because you of course don't have to worry about holding the joycon, but it can have some wild effects on scoring like seen in 10.000 Luchtballonnen. I do think I'll be utalising the glove if I don't care all too much about scoring that day to make life easier, but when it comes to trying to get a good score on the dance I think I'll stick to holding the joycon for now. But wearing the glove is a good alternative if you don't want to hold your joycon!

[edelgarfield]

i think the final episode of cr downfall is an extremely good case study in why level 20 combat is nearly impossible to run well. the situation is partially compounded by the fact that the players have only had a few hours with these characters, so they're not super familiar with all of their abilities/spells, but I think even ignoring that there were a lot of super frustrating things about that encounter both for the players and the DM.

it perfectly shows just how tough it is to balance difficulty at that level. there are so many absolutely devastating abilities that it takes a lot of time & knowledge of the game to create an encounter that both provides a challenge while still being fun for the players. whole encounters can be determined by a single dice roll. that's true of all encounters to some extent, but because of how strong enemies have to be at that level, if they get one or two good hits it can very easily result in a TPK.

like just for example, if SILAHA hadn't been stunned, he would've been able to fire off Meteor Swarm in round one, which would've trivialized the rest of the fight. But because he was stunned, the whole party very nearly died. If something had incapacitated him again and he wasn't able to cast Meteor Swarm when he did, they very likely could have lost the fight.

And another thing about SILAHA and The Emissary being stunned for so long; being stunned or otherwise incapacitated is one of the worst positions to be in as a player. Every round in that encounter was extremely long, which is often the nature of encounters at that level. If a player is stunned or has to skip their turn for some reason, they can be sitting at the table unable to do anything for an hour or more. When you're playing D&D professionally, it's not a huge problem, like Abubakar & Noshir are at that table as part of their job, they're playing partially for the audience's entertainment. That's not to say their enjoyment doesn't matter, but it's a very different situation from a casual D&D player with a full-time job who plays for 3 hours every other week. For most players, getting stunned for most of an encounter just isn't fun, and many DMs will refuse to use any moves that risk taking players out of a fight (Banishment is a notorious one).

because of the wards, the fight was obviously intended to get easier over time, but even without that, the combination of Emhira's Maddening Darkness and Silaha's Meteor Swarm were absolutely devastating. Like Brennan Lee Mulligan is one of THE BEST professional DMs, playing D&D is literally his job, and even he misjudged the pace of the encounter. Like there were a lot of moving parts, but also adding obstacles/puzzles/etc to fights is part of how you keep the game interesting, and if even Brennan can't accurately predict how a fight is going to play out, there's no hope for your average DM who plays casually while working a full-time job.

[clownawnie]

Pathologic 2 thoughts now that i finished it

After a very long 52, nearly 53 hours, I finally finished Pathologic 2. These are my thoughts and feelings after finishing it and how it impacted me as a mixed indigenous person. I am Māori not Buryat so my perspective is just from growing up as a mixed person and not anything culturally specific.

Also! This will be all over the place, this is less of a structured analysis and more so just me jotting down my feelings and experiences with the game just to get them out there. I briefly go over the endings so spoilers for that i guess

Okay to start I really enjoyed Pathologic 2, it's truly a one of a kind experience. I played on an easier difficulty because I wanted to experience the story first (I do plan to replay the game at the intended difficulty at a later date) but it still felt challenging, I was definitely not having a walk in the park and it was for the best. I struggled a lot as someone going in mostly blind to Patho 2. I was very adamant about not using guides and while it added to my experience of the game it also caused me to fuck up and die a lot. (the first 16 hours or so were from my first attempt which failed miserably) 

I really enjoyed the gameplay, despite initially being overwhelmed by the size of the town I found it easier to navigate in the latter half of the game. I personally love games where you just collect stuff and searching through drawers and dressers for random coins and buttons was very fun for me. Walking around and just admiring the scenery was quite relaxing (when I wasn’t being chased by men with knives). The clunky combat wasn’t a deal breaker for me but the lack of aim reticle did make it hard to actually hit people consistently with the gun but eh that wasn’t really a problem. It did take an embarrassingly long time for me to figure out certain mechanics (like sneaking) I also love a lot of the characters, although I have a very clear favourite.

  Artemy very quickly became a character that was dear to me. I heavily related to him as a mixed Indigenous person who used to be close with their culture but now feels disconnected as an adult. Seeing him struggle with language, struggling to remember the right terms and the customs that used to come easily to him. Having a foot in two worlds but unsure of where you belong in either of them. He’s just like me fr. I immediately got invested in Artemy’s story and it made me try my hardest to play his part well. I love imagining myself acting as the player characters in games and it seemed fitting for Pathologic 2.

This personal investment in Artemy made certain parts of the games very difficult for me emotionally. There were many moments during the game when I had done something wrong and it struck me hard. Playing Pathologic 2 felt less like controlling a character and more like being the character, I wasn’t controlling Artemy I was Artemy. Every time I messed up it hurt. I was failing, doing a poor job filling in the role and because of it those closest to Artemy, to me, were getting sick.

I remember the first time one of the characters got infected, it was notkin. He was infected after going into the death house, I remember how my face dropped seeing Notkin all wrapped up and sickly. I was panicked when I realised Murky’s friend wasn’t just the girl's imagination but an embodiment of the plague and I felt absolutely lost on day 10 finding all of the kids infected with only 5 cures on me.

Overall I loved the story, I love things that can make me feel so much dread and pain and Pathologic 2 very much did that. However, I’m very conflicted on both endings. I played through both of them one after the other and I’m unsure how I feel about them.

I knew nothing about the endings when going into the game so I had no expectations but around day 9 or 10, after the talk with Isidor in the dream did I realise where the game was heading and it made me upset. For some background, I have struggled alot with where i stand in the world in terms of identity, being mixed can feel so isolating and i struggled alot with feeling like i couldn’t fit in with either side. I’ve been dealing with this over the years and feel more comfortable with both parts of my identity, not having to pick one or the other and existing as both. So i felt an awful feeling in my gut when i realised the story was pulling me, that i would have to make a decision town or kin. It felt cruel to make artemy pick between his two halves.

The endings themselves i’m torn on. I don’t particularly like either ending very much, maybe my feelings will change when i’ve had more than 24 hours to stew on my thoughts.

The diurnal ending left me feeling quite empty, I saved the town but killed the earth, assimilating the kin into the town and leaving no room for the past. The idea of the past and the future being incompatible pains me.

The framing of the nocturnal ending made me feel odd. It's the preservation of the past, of miracles. But it felt so… horrific… seeing people, children wandering out into the steppe. People artemy was closest to unable to even recognise him. It was framed much darker than the diurnal ending, it made siding with the kin feel like i had made a mistake. Im unsure if this was the intention of the ending but its how it felt. Maybe I’ll dissect the endings in greater detail at another date after hearing more perspectives from other players.

Overall, I am glad i played pathologic, despite my torn feelings on the endings I do deeply enjoy the game, the world and the characters and i can’t wait to play through it all again. I want to 100% the game, see everything it has to offer, achieve what feels like the impossible and save everyone.

[go-go-devil]

hi, since you're a fan of pathologic i wanted to ask:

have you played pathologic 1 and 2? if so...

would you recommend playing pathologic 1 before pathologic 2? some say that 2 is a remake but also something of a sequel, and pathologic 1 is notoriously difficult to play...

Good evening, and thanks for asking!

For a long while I did not have the means of running Pathologic Classic HD nor 2 on my laptop, but I was still able to experience Classic by watching a friend play through it (as well as getting to play the game in the sense that they let me make choices in all of the dialogue segments which is basically half of the gameplay).

I have far more experience with Classic than 2 since we were actually able to finish the routes in that one, but I can confirm that 2 plays mostly the same but with a few different mechanics. And to clarify: Pathologic 2 is actually a re-imagining of the first game, not a sequel. It has many little call-backs to Classic and I can see why some are speculating that future routes may go even deeper in referencing this, but it can be played as its own game separate from Classic. Blame the English localization for the confusing title.

As for which one I'd recommend to a newcomer?

Pathologic Classic HD, for sure!

The infamy behind Classic's difficulty has largely been blown out of proportion due to a variety of factors. The original translation of Classic before the HD re-release was notorious for being botched and, because of that, WAAAAAY more cryptic than intended which caused a lot of English speaking players back then to get confused and frustrated with it. Besides that, some more modern players get turned off by the 2000's era graphics and occasional jank and call the game bad off the bat without giving it a chance, and then there's people who simply don't pay attention to the game's tutorial and/or try to play it like a action game when it really isn't...

Patho Classic objectively isn't any harder than 2, and I would consider it a better starting point than 2 for the sole fact that I found it to be less stressful than 2's gameplay.

Patho 2 may be more streamlined than Classic, but it can also be quite severe in its death penalty system (which 1 didn't have) and is even harsher when it comes to the rate at which npcs get infected even on its "easiest" difficulty. This can cause many new players (me & my friend included) to oftentimes miss out on interesting npc questlines due to them dying too early for us to save them. There's still always a chance of this happening in Classic as well, but its quicksave feature makes it easier to redo a day if you fuck up. In case of absolute emergencies, we also found it easier to enable God Mode in Classic than in 2.

At the same time, though, I do think Patho 2 has a better tutorial than Classic. Also while I found 2 more stressful, that is very intentional to its gameplay and serves as more of an artistic choice to enhance the story than just put in there for the sake of cruelty. I won't state my opinions on the storytelling of each to avoid any spoilers for both, since its best to know little about the story going into each.

Really I'd say it's up to you on which one you prefer. Honestly my first experience with Classic was more memorable and enjoyable than 2 due to our immensely bad luck with 2's infection rate, but maybe it'll be different for you!

[northwest-cryptid]

This shouldn't be nearly as much of a controversial opinion as it is; but I miss when games were literally and firstly designed to be fun experiences. That fun can absolutely lean into the demographic of the intended player; but the entertainment and fun used to be very clearly emphasized for the common player.

And see this is where I lose people. They get too caught up on the first part of that and ignore the last 2 words. I've heard people tell me "you're just salty because you're bad" but at the risk of sounding arrogant, no I'm actually salty because I'm better than the average player and if I'm getting frustrated and struggling to ENJOY the game then there might be a problem here.

Sure you can wave this off saying "you're arrogant if you think you're literally better than the average player" but honestly I see this issue a lot of in the communities of actually difficult games, where the difficulty is part of the fun. People treat it like a dick measuring contest and refuse to hear anything bad about it; as well as anyone saying they're actually good at it.

Thing is, I actually do enjoy difficulty in games. When I played ULTRAKILL I made a point to start the game on Violent. Even when I was told to go get all the weapons first; I found that I enjoyed a challenge that was designed with what I had available to me in mind. Sure I didn't P rank everything on my first go of it; but soon after I not only felt motivated, but enthusiastic to go back and P rank those stages with my new fun weapons.

Dark Souls 3 is literally one of my favorite games, it's clear that for all it's faults; there was a good bit of care put into the difficulty to match with where the player was expected to be at the time. Even with it's branching paths I never felt underleveled for a boss encounter. Bosses didn't have over the top wild combos that they could switch up on the fly; or ridiculous AoE spam that comes out exclusively in the last 10% of the fight. They were just balanced, challenging, entertaining fights.

I think the major problem people fall into with "Difficulty Is Fun" type games is that devs fail to understand who they're making the game for and when they're making the game for them.

Again going back to ULTRAKILL here, because it's a GREAT example of how a difficulty is fun game can be done right.

See the game starts very slow with a firm understanding of your basic weapons leaving you to figure out how to parry fairly early on and use it alongside your guns without thinking of it as something that's difficult to pull off. It's not this high risk high reward thing, it's just another tool in your kit.

But the dev/devs clearly understands this game is made for the Difficulty Is Fun crowd; so they don't just give us a difficulty option for the game; they additionally make sure the difficulty ramps slowly.

Throughout the first half of the game you're more than allowed to get used to how things work before being expected to use them well; and when you clearly have more experience and confidence with the game it begins throwing harder stuff your way.

But you know what's cool? The ultra-hard content that's made for the dick measuring contest elitists? That's locked behind getting Perfect rank on all the stages in an act; doing so unlocks the super hard boss mode stages and if you beat all of those you unlock the like ultra-hard masochist gauntlet stage.

Did I mention you can do this on any difficulty? Or that different difficulties actually change up how the game plays? With easier difficulties allowing you to counter your way through the whole fight but at Violent and higher you can't parry throughout the second phase? This means if I enjoy getting into the thick of it and scrapping by on 1 HP and a dream, I totally can; but my friend who wants a stress free fun time with the game can actually experience all the same content on an easier mode and guess what; we're both happy?

Like I'm sorry I'm not saying every game needs to have an easy mode; that's an argument in a totally different ball park. This isn't about "easy mode" because that's not what I want from games. I don't want my Difficulty Is Fun game to have an easy mode; I just want it to be fair and enjoyable.

People shit on Dark Souls 2 for a lot of stuff, but you know the one thing that has always bothered me?

There's this really pretentious achievement you get the first time you die, it's literally titled "This is Dark Souls" and you know why that bothers me?

Every SINGLE time I see someone unlock that the reaction is roughly "oh no, I'm not going to enjoy this game am I..." Which all the "hardcore Souls fans" laugh at and say "yea get ready to die for 40 hours lololol"

I'm sorry but like, that's the dumbest shit I've ever seen; go wank off to difficulty somewhere else. Did you hear what they fucking said? They're not going to ENJOY the game they paid for? What's the point of doing the thing that's supposed to be entertaining if they're not entertained?!

Are these games meant to be "rage games"? No that would seem almost insulting to call them that.

Why do I like Dark Souls 3? Because the game doesn't feel like it's looking down on you, the whole game is designed to cheer you on, to coach you. Every time you get knocked down the game is telling you "get back in there champ you got it this time." If you're not sure what I mean I should likely explain it like this,

I once watched a playthrough in which one person had never played Dark Souls and the other was a veteran player. The vet was a sort of coach to point out things about the game the newbie was likely missing.

The first boss encounter was pretty scrappy but whenever he's die the vet would ask him "did you see what happened there?" Essentially talking him through like "you dodged right but he's right handed so you dodged into the swing, try sicking by our left, his right; and dodge under his weapon instead." Or he'd explain things like attack opportunity and such. The idea of their turn and your turn, the enemy attacks; and then during their recovery you get to do an action as a reward for actually dodging the attack. This lets you heal, attack, or set up something for the fight. It's a classic back and forth that leads to players being able to play in different ways and not just build for Poise, Vigor, and Strength so they can play the most boring character known to man.

It's cool to watch because having someone there to point things out is a great way to show how a veteran vs a newbie is going to view the game. If you've played a lot of Souls before, or you've played the game longer you're likely going to pick up on the ways the game is trying to hint at you to do something.

I recently did a Dark Souls 1 stream in which I literally beat the first boss with the broken straight sword and doing so was a way for me to sorta showcase how. No the game isn't about DIFFICULTY; it's about understanding. I know that's a big meme in the souls community but I'm serious you know, if you learn the attack patterns (which they don't constantly switch up), you figure out what animations are tied to which AoEs and which attacks; and you focus your efforts on dodging those attacks and learning their timing. Now you know where your chance to hit the enemy is, you know how long you have, you can learn and gauge how you need to weave in and out of range.

There's this constant "git gud" saying that I really hate, because on one hand that explains nothing; on the other hand it's absolutely true. However when you tell a new player or even an existing player to "git gud" they're not going to know what that means, they're not going to actually take that to mean:

If you feel squishy, throw some levels into Vigor.

If you're rolling to slow, take off some gear; you won't need the defense when you learn the attack timing well enough to dodge it better; the extended i-frames will help you dodge more.

Take a moment to study the bosses movements so you know where your chance to attack comes in and roughly how long you'll have when it does come up.

Remember how scaling works, dumping 30 points into STR isn't going to do as much as upgrading your weapon to scale better. You can dump those points into Vigor and then throw a few points at whichever damage stat your weapon scales with and still deal considerable damage.

Use your estus early, if you heal for 50 HP with each estus, and you have 10 estus. With a total health of 100, you have effectively 600 health. If an enemy hits you for say, 30 damage; that looks scary, that can 2 shot you right now; but if you actually use your estus liberally you'll realize the boss needs to hit you closer to 20 times. As long as you're healing you have plenty of mistakes you can make.

When I say that games aren't made with fun or entertainment in mind anymore; and they're made to circle jerk the other top players and elitists of a community. I'm not just talking about how hard a game is to beat. I'm talking about nerfs made exclusively for PvP that effect the vast majority of PvE players who will never touch PvP. I'm talking about nerfs made to weapons that could help struggling players with specific bosses because they happened to pay attention to how damage resistance/weaknesses worked.

I'm even talking about how Elden Ring is a so called "Open World" game that refuses to tell the player the recommended level for an area. Meaning it's very much still a linear experience, just with more steps. You're not playing an Open World game, you're playing a Linear game with extra steps and longer walks between quest NPCs.

Okay so you start in Limgrave, cool; most the world isn't accessible to you until you beat some bosses; other parts are totally accessible to you, let's explore some of those first right?

Now if we assume you're a common everyday player, maybe new to Souls games because you've been hearing all the Elden Ring hype and want to try it out. You're probably not good enough to immediately go and fight the first real boss of the game. You're also likely not going south, because the game doesn't point you in that direction.

In fact, one of the early game paths leads straight into a level 60 area. How would you know this? Surely the game has some form of a warning right? Like you know, maybe an NPC along the most common path that will tell you that you're not ready yet. Maybe a message left at a grace warning of powerful enemies ahead; this isn't uncommon for Souls Games having little messages around to clue the player into things.

But no, it doesn't; it just lets you go in and attack something and see you're dealing no damage and then when you inevitably get 1 shot you go "guess I'm not supposed to be here" right?

Well no.

Remember, This Is Dark Souls, you're gonna die fucker; you better get back in there and keep trying until you get it, because THIS IS DARK SOULS.

That's when they inevitably get fed up and if they're smart, they go somewhere else. So let's say you try to skip over the first remembrance boss of the game; you finally got passed Margit. You do not want to have to fight another big boss right now. You just want to explore the open world, maybe get a few levels; see the sights.

Well I hope you're already level... 40-50?

See this?

This is the wiki's recommended level per area, do you notice anything about it? A sort of linearity? Now you might not at first, you might say "but Cryptid there's multiple areas with the SAME recommended levels!" Sure there are, and accessing those areas may require you to beat a boss in another area, or travel through an area to get to that one. In other words; it's still a linear path, and while more than one of these is accessible to you. If you're not already a vet who might have over-leveled or who may be skilled enough to fight enemies significantly higher level than you; then it's possible to go from say Liurnia of the Lakes to Siofra Aquaduct and get your ass handed to you.

That's all well and good but the issue here is that it creates a sort of metronome of frustration.

When you know where the game wants you to go, and you're on par with it's damage output and such; you feel fairly confident even when the game does some genuinely bullshit AoE spam. However when you ping-pong between higher level (but technically "accessible") areas getting killed repeatedly and always having that core philosophy of "this is Dark Souls stupid, get used to it" in the back of your head where you can't tell if this is the intended path or not because sure it's hard but, and say it with me now; This Is Dark Souls.

You might be thinking "but Cryptid, even the cult classic Fallout New Vegas does this!" Which is wrong, they do in fact use high level enemies to dissuade the player from attempting specific paths and essentially railroad them into the intended route. However, there is one key difference; the fallout community doesn't pride itself on the difficulty of their games. The fallout community doesn't use the saying "git gud" in place of real advice. The fallout community is very open about cheese, breaking the game; and how this is a fun and acceptable thing to do. Not that if you cheese a fight or make something easier for yourself you're somehow "playing the game wrong."

So more often than not, if the player encounters a field of 50 Deathclaws they think "yea I'm not meant to be here yet" and move on. With many NPCs telling the player safer routes, the player actually not only has options if they want to leave, but actually knows where to go to progress as intended. They're still allowed to try to break that progression and do things their own way but you can't say they weren't literally warned by the in game system designed to make sure they understood the difficulty of what they were undertaking.

Dark Souls 1 and 3 feel like flawed, but enjoyable games; If I found myself frustrated with them; it was often because I was frustrated with myself for making the same mistake multiple times when both I and the game had been telling me not to do that again.

Elden Ring felt like a hot mess until I started paying more attention to things like recommended levels. Then it felt like a bit less of a still hot mess because I'm sorry but that's what it is.

Now I'm on the DLC and I hate that every time I get into a boss fight I begin to enjoy myself; I think you know, it's fun it's cool this feels fair but challenging. Then in the last like 10 - 25% of the HP bar they have to pull out some extremely spamming AoE that locks you into multi-hit and can 1 shot your entire health bar; or heal them for their entire health bar; or both!

Which you know, if I was a squishy glass cannon build or something then I wouldn't really complain. But I'm not, I'm literally playing the boring Vigor Poise Endurance heavy armor fucking bleed build ass piece of shit mimic tear summoning HP talisman + defense talisman build. I'm still getting consistently through most of the boss fight and then suffering because there's some cheap shit they pull out last minute to ruin the fun.

It's still impossible to know if you're on par with the area you're in, I don't want to look up a guide; sometimes everything leading up to a boss feels really solid; I dish out as much as I take; I'm feeling good about it. I go into the boss room, nope 1 shot. What, is the point?

Okay so now do I throw myself into the brick wall 40 more times or do I go grind? Or do I explore somewhere else? I don't know man I think I'll do the first because I got pretty close that time. Oh wait no I didn't not this time because I didn't really get to learn any of the moves. My camera is a mess, sometimes they can hit through walls, sometimes their hitbox extends outside their actual model; and sometimes they have a multi-hit AoE that launches so if you even get hit by 1 part of it then you're hit by the whole thing. Hope you somehow knew what this boss was and already preemptively built resistances to it or else you're not going to have fun dying to the last 5% of the HP bar repeatedly because oh yea it can still do other attacks while doing the bit multi-hit AoE bullshit. Fuck off.

I hate the feeling of "this is a fun boss fight I'm actually enjoying this; that's pretty solid I feel like I'm enjoying this game again." Being met with "oh no can't have that; let's throw some absolutely bullshit mechanic at the last 5 seconds to make sure you're here for 3 hours longer than you should be."

Look if I were particularly bad at these games I'd honestly shrug it off, but I'm not. I'm sorry if you think I'm fucking arrogant; I can't sit here and justify my confidence to you; if you think I'm arrogant there's no telling you otherwise. The truth is I used to speedrun DS3, I've done full no-hit runs of DS1 for fun; I actively enjoy getting P ranks on the fucking Prime levels of ULTRAKILL on Violent and fucking Brutal difficulty.

Not only am I actually good at "difficult is fun" games; but I genuinely enjoy them for it. I've not had a single boss fight in the DLC where I've won and still been excited about it. It's always a "fucking finally done with that bullshit" never a "WOO YEA BABY" is that what you want your players to experience?

There's absolutely a sort of bell curve in my opinion when it comes to the enjoyment of Difficulty Is Fun type games; they're the sort of thing you likely will be frustrated with a lot up front; but then as you spend more time with the fight you're going to learn it's mechanics and it's attack timing. So you begin to enjoy the flow of the game, you get into the sort of groove for when you can attack and when you need to dodge; or when you need to do a specific thing; or swap to a specific weapon. It all starts to come together in this kind of fun exciting back and forth between the game and you. However that runs out after maybe 15 - 30 minutes; now you've hit the point where you're confidence is so high that you don't feel like "you CAN do this" you feel like "you should have ALREADY done this 5 attempts ago." Your understanding of the attacks isn't "oh wow I should dodge INTO this one and AWAY from that one!" Now it's just "ugh right it's this one, god I'm fucking stupid I should be able to dodge that by now- oh right, cool yea fuck it go on do the fucking unavoidable chin move right right okay I don't get a turn to attack..." You don't celebrate a victory, you sigh in relief of it being done and over with.

I don't know about you, but I'm really sick of how especially in the souls community, if you dare to say something is bad and you've not beat it on your first try and mentioned how easy it is. You're ignored, told you're just salty; told to git gud, told to go play a different game if you don't like it. Now look where we are, FromSoft acts like the worst of the community, they refuse to let their game be accessible to the common average player. You pay $40 to get mad, frustrated, and give up repeatedly until you finally overcome the problem and don't even feel happy about it. Congratulations, I hope you "enjoy" your suffering because it's just not a good fucking time.

I remember how many people refunded Elden Ring back when it first game out, and I remember every fucking elitist dick measuring contest participant out here laughing about it. Why? Do you not think those people deserve to enjoy the same fucking game we do?

[self-loving-vampire]

How are your partners doing? Still worse than you at games?

I wouldn't really say they're worse at games than me, only that there's some where they seem to struggle more.

But rather than a matter of skill I think that was the result of multiple things.

For example, in games like Elden Ring they both knowingly and deliberately made decisions that made the game harder for themselves while I generally took the path of least resistance on my first playthrough. If something seemed to be far above my current power level, I made a note to come back later went somewhere else while they were more prone to throwing themselves at it repeatedly.

My girlfriend is also somewhat averse to using spirit ashes and stuff like that, which definitely adds to the difficulty but she finds it more fun that way.

Past Me seems to be doing great by any metric, though. She's going through the game with even less difficulty than me, even on my second playthrough. I think part of that might just be the type of character she's playing though. Both of mine so far have been really squishy.

It's actually a bit of an interesting inversion of how we usually play games. I tend to go for a combination of "mechanically effective" and "intended experience" while she was more prone to experimenting and playing around (usually on the easier difficulties since those usually allowed more freedom with these things). This time she's the one playing the more straightforward but powerful character.

I think part of that might have to do with our perception that magic builds in these games are much easier to play but also kind of less interesting because of how easily a lot of bosses just melt from a distance, so she felt that even though magic is usually the more interesting option in a lot of open world games that was probably not true of Elden Ring specifically.

Anyway, to make a broader point... it's also true that my partners and I have kind of different tastes in games. Especially master, who is more drawn to metroidvanias, platformers, and Souls-likes but doesn't usually enjoy RPGs and strategy games.

Meanwhile, my girlfriend's taste is not only much closer to mine but also strongly influenced by my recommendations. Even then she seems to have played significantly more competitive FPS games than I have (Quake and the older Star Wars Battlefront 2 specifically, I mostly just did the single player in those).

[briamichellewrites]

82

Jonah and Bradford stayed for about an hour and a half. They had to eat dinner at home and then take a bath before going to bed. Jonah loved playing in the water while bathing! The warm water made it easier for him to fall asleep. He fell asleep wearing a clean diaper, comfortable pyjamas, and his favourite stuffed dog. The dog was instrumental in keeping monsters at bay. Bradford purchased the same toy he had at Elisa's to ensure that they did not forget it when he moved houses.

He picked up the playroom after he went to bed. He disliked messes. Everything had its place, and he preferred to keep it that way. That made the situation less stressful. The toys were stored in a toy chest, and the books were returned to their original locations on the shelves. His stuffed animals were placed on the floor, making them easy to reach. He remembered a conversation he once had with Rob.

He commented on how ironic it was to have children when he disliked messes and loud noises. Bradford had to think because he could not come up with an answer. He did not know. Rob simply nodded. They had a discussion about their future. Rob ended their relationship after three months. He was depressed and distanced himself from everyone. Bradford was taken aback at first because he assumed they had a wonderful relationship. He felt heartbroken.

A week later, Rob returned to him and apologised. They talked about what happened and how it impacted him. Despite being in therapy and taking medication, Rob was very private about his depression. The band was aware that he struggled with self-esteem issues, but they were unaware of the extent of his mental state. For the first time, he revealed everything.

He ended his relationship with him because he suspected he was going to leave. It was better for him to leave before he got hurt. He genuinely loved him. His mind abused and tormented him. Bradford hugged him. He felt both angry and compassionate. He thanked him for being straightforward with him. Was he suicidal? No, he had no intention of harming himself. Good. He felt relieved to hear that. They decided against continuing their relationship. Instead, they would remain friends.

Rob continued to come over on occasion to hang out with him and Jonah. He was constantly amused by the toddler and tried to figure out what was going through his little mind. Bradford found it amusing watching them together. Rob felt awkward around kids because he could not relate to them.

Bria and Brad were having lunch together. They tried to ignore the paparazzi who were taking photos of them. He apologised for their break-up and his relapse. She told him that, despite her understanding of addiction as a former addict, she was extremely angry. Why was she so angry? Because it made her feel like everything was falling apart. It was not just him. Jason was also having difficulty maintaining his sobriety.

She also believed she was not good enough. It sounded ridiculous, but it was as if they would rather use drugs and drink than be with her. The final reason she was upset was that it reminded her of how simple it was to relapse. She could go anywhere in Los Angeles and buy heroin. It was hard not to do that. He listened to her words and acknowledged them. It had nothing to do with her actions or inaction. He thought he was not good enough for her.

He accepted responsibility for not standing up for himself. She was right when she said he was a coward. He was. He could not muster the courage to confront his family for whatever reason. He chose them over her, and every day he regretted his decision. She requested to see his phone. He took it out of his pocket and enquired suspiciously about what she intended to do.

She went through his text messages, which were disorganised, and discovered the group chat he was in with his family. He stood up and sat down next to her, then looked over her shoulder.

"First off, dude. Clean up your messages. I can’t find shit on here.”

He laughed. She typed a response to them, pretending to be him: I have been thinking about what you have all said, and I have made a decision. Even though I disagree, I respect your right to your own opinions. You will no longer be allowed to disrespect Bria. I should have defended her a long time ago. But I am finally putting my foot down. Disrespecting her equals disrespect for me. I am not sure where our relationship is going right now, but she will always be an important part of my life. You do not have to like her, but you will treat her well because I adore her. This will never change. - Brad

He reviewed it before sending it. After rising, he returned to his seat.

Bradford found Bria alone in the studio several hours later. She was putting together covers of some of her favourite songs. It was not anything serious. Rather, she was just playing around. He requested to listen to one. She looked through her laptop's files and found the Shania Twain cover she had created. It was only her and the keyboard. He listened to it with affection in his heart. It sounded beautiful! He would never grow tired of hearing her voice. There was something enchanting about it.

"That was the most beautiful song I have ever heard. I am speechless!"

"Was it really that good?"

"Bria, it was absolutely fantastic!"

She laughed, prompting him to question whether she believed him. She did. She simply thought he was adorable. He gave a small embarrassed laugh. There was something he always desired from her. She questioned him about it. All he wanted was a kiss. She got up and walked between his legs. Before kissing her, he used his hands to frame her face. It felt amazing! Everything was exactly as he had hoped.

She rested her hands on his shoulders. He pulled away before they got too far. She enquired as to whether there was anything wrong. He simply enquired as to whether she used birth control. She was unable to have children due to chemotherapy. He asked if he could have her. Yes. They decided to go upstairs to her bedroom to have some privacy. Mike and Dave were on a camping trip, so they did not have to be concerned about them accidentally walking in on them. They went upstairs and shut the door.

Mike and Dave hiked out to their campsite. They organised everything before sorting it. While Mike was admiring the beauty of nature, he approached him from behind and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. He laughed at his husband before saying thank you. Dave responded, "You deserve it." They stood together for a moment, taking it all in, before deciding to prepare their own dinner.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[n11592907]

Asteroids Development Post

I created the base of the game by following the guide we were provided and ended it with a basic asteroids game.

Following the guide I created a game over screen when the player dies, this is the screen.

This will be relevant later for when I show how it evolved later.

After creating the basis, I noticed that the asteroids did not split into smaller ones after being destroyed so I added this. I made it so that when an asteroid collided with a bullet, the asteroid will be deleted and three of the smaller asteroids will spawn. I realised that the bullets remained after destroying an asteroid, so I made it delete both the asteroid and the bullet.

I also added a point system and made it so that the asteroids will give the player differing point amounts with small ones giving 100, medium ones giving 1,000, and large asteroids being 10,000. This is that the left top corner looked like after I added points.

I noticed that the asteroids will fly off screen, but will still be there so it ends up starting to lag my computer. I added a boarder to the screen and made an event where asteroids will be deleted when they touch the edge. This helped to reduce the strain put on devises running the game.

After creating this I out of curiosity looked at the behaviours to see if there was one for going off screen. There was a behaviour for this so I added this to the monitors and removed the screen edges.

I tried to refine the controls because they didn’t feel very good. I initially made it so that the w key gives the ship a burst of speed to make navigating the asteroids easier. This made it feel better, but the movement didn’t feel unique. So, I tried a strange idea, I applied the platformer behaviour to the ship spite. This was an easy way to add something similar to gravity to the ship without difficulty, this made the ship fall when not moving against gravity. I reduced the speed of the basic movement towards the mouse and increased the speed of the w key movement, this made it so that the ship will fall due to gravity, and the player must use with the w key to survive.

I also repurposed the screen edges that I removed and added a death box underneath the map to kill the player if the fall off the screen. This is an image of it:

The mechanic of having to fight gravity made the movement unique and was an interesting idea that I liked from the previously mentioned Hyperspace Dogfights (https://store.steampowered.com/app/842170/Hyperspace_Dogfights/). My movement was not even close to as refined as there’s was, but that is as expected as this is only a prototype and I am mostly unexperienced with Develop, however it was interesting to play around with the behaviours in a way that was (mostly) not intended, and it had an interesting result.

After the movement I decided to change how the asteroids spawned, because as of writing this the asteroids all spawn independently. I created a variable to make this more random, the game would randomly choose a number between 0 and 2 and this number would spawn the correlating asteroid. This gave the game more randomness rather than it spawning all three asteroid types after a set time, it also reduced the difficulty of the game as there wasn’t as many asteroids on screen at all times.

The last major thing I added was a victory condition that could be reached by getting a certain number of points. I began with 1,000,000 points as the threshold but realised that this was almost impossible and decided the tweak the pints system and the victory condition. I set the points to be 1,000 for all asteroids to make the game simpler and easier, than I set the victory condition to 100,000 points. This meant that players had to destroy 100 asteroids before they win the game, this felt mostly fair and balanced. This was the victory screen for reaching the point threshold.

After all these changes I began to run out of ideas for what to change, and was mostly happy with what I had made, so I began some last refinements to the game.

Something that bothered me is that whenever the player died or won the screen would take too long to go back to gameplay, the solution to this was simple. I added the ability to press space to play again, I also added text to tell the players this. This was the final iteration of the loss and victory screens.

With this I was happy with the game and did one last play test to record this gif, it does not include the victory screen but still showcases the other aspects of the game.

I also realise that there is no tutorial to tell the players how to play (even though the game has two controls). So, I added a tutorial for this exact purpose. It would sit in the top right corner and looked like this.

The very last change I made after the last play test was that the bullets are too hard to see, this is a problem that I had forgotten to fix earlier so I simply changed the colour of the game screen background to create more of a contrast between the bullets and everything else. This is how the final version looked.

[sknolls]

This is just gonna be me talking a bit about a Celeste mod I made, like, 2 years ago and why I think it's probably the most interesting map that I've made.

One trend I've noticed with Celeste mods is that whenever the difficulty goes up, mappers like to make their screens super long. I'm, like, the exact opposite. When I set out to make really long screens, I tend to also prefer turning the difficulty way down. Meanwhile when I crank the difficulty all the way up, I like making stuff that's barely RTA viable but then the screen is, like, 10 seconds max. In fact, the single hardest screen I've ever made in a Celeste map is literally only 4 seconds of gameplay.

Another thing that's kinda funny is I think when I go all out of difficulty, I tend to just make maps with multiple solutions to most of the screens because I'm like "well every solution requires the player to hit a one-pixel window, so.." Like, you could see two different clears of Floating Oil Rig and notice that both players are approaching each screen a little differently.

For the sake of comparison, here's a few different Full Clears of the map. Also some of them have Madeline get Double Dash on the final screen. The reason for this is because 1.4 broke the map and it took me a really long time to fix the issue (Yoshi was the one to contact me about it and I basically needed someone else to break into my Gamebanana account because I got locked out of it due to disuse and not remembering which email I had attached to it).

Peja's Full Clear run:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WItJnsE0Ncs&t=1s

Notnot's Full Clear run:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CBC6n_vd0ro

DrIvanKO's Full Clear run:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bgmgBCtIhgI&t=105s

Yoshi's Full Clear golden run:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XfXKkU1DGzA&t=86s

It was really interesting seeing how all these players approached certain parts of the map differently. And none of these look quite how I play through the map. Some strats were intended others were not but because of the map's nature, it's not super obvious what is what. And what also makes this interesting to me is that it made me wonder why did each player solve each screen the way that they did? Like, how aware was each player of the alternate solutions to each screen? And how much of their personal affinities with each tech or personal approaches to playing maps translate to their clears?

Like, with Yoshi's clear, you can really see how skilled they are at creating their own set-ups from the map. Since their clear is a golden, they're gonna value consistency above all else. But it's also interesting how they seem to prefer giving themself extra corner jumps over having to hyper or wallbounce whenever possible. They're probably the player listed here that looks the most comfortable with pixel perfect tech and I'd guess has a better understanding of Celeste's and modded mechanics than anyone else. Like, I didn't realize Factory Helper spikes worked slightly different from regular spikes (even tho it's used in the level design for Berry 4) and Yoshi is definutely the most comfortable player in abusing that fact. Probably the point in Yoshi's run I found to be the most interesting was room 2 checkpoint 1 where Yoshi decides not to take the wallbounce into the bird and instead opts for another corner jump. I really want to know if that was because they found the corner jump easier or if they were showing off.

Peja has the most unique clear out of the bunch, performing several strats that I haven't seen anyone else go for. In particular their clear of checkpoint 1 and berry 1. I get the impression from watching this that they're the type of player prone to overcomplicating rooms. They also look very comfortable dashing up and then corner jumping as they use that set-up a lot. Most telling is during Berry 3 where it's actually set-up so that from respawn you can always make the corner wallbounce by just dashing up, and they still went for the dash up corner jump approach. I also think it's funny that they cut out the Berry 2 troll.

DrIvanKO was the first person to fullclear the map (to my knowledge). I also think it's funny that they got hit by every Berry 2 troll. They also just didn't see the super in screen 2 checkpoint 2 (I remember them saying that to me). I think they might've also asked for the solution to the final berry. So I really get the impression that this player tends to play maps with one inflexible solution and they'll try to force it to work until it does. They also seem like the type of player who likes cheesing maps. I also like how to reach the final berry, it looks like they didn't even try to make the jump and just went for the respawn trigger (there wasn't actually a respawn trigger unless I forgot or something).

I like how notnot's the only one who went for the reverse wavedash in screen 1. It's interesting that notnot seems to opt out of a lot of the set-ups, especially ones that slightly slow down the pacing. I wonder if they just didn't see them or just prefer the approach of die fast try fast.

All of this was more or less unintentional. The stuff I was pulling from when making the map had a lot to do with how much I love corner jumps. Corner Jumps and Wavedashes are definitely my two favorite techs in the game because they both make you rethink what you know about the game and open it up in a new light. They both let you get away with doing things that straight up should not be possible. So, with this map, a lot of what went into it was the feeling of doing something that should be factually impossible. Or that feeling of outplaying the map's developer. Some variants in play were caused by players finding strats that didn't occur to me while others were a result of me noticing them and deciding "well, both strats get across the same feeling and are equally bullshit so there's no reason to edit it out." But it wasn't really something intentionally designed into the level. What I was not anticipating was how expressive every clear feels. Like, I get excited to see any new clear of the map. Partially (mostly) because I made the map and seeing ppl play it makes me happy, but partially because I want to see how that person went about clearing the map. And there are definitely some ways through the rooms that none of the ppl here went for (like, the way I prefer to clear room 3 checkpoint 1 looks different from everyone else's clears of it, which sort of reflects how I went about making the map where it was less me designing an experience for the player and more me going "is that a thing you can do? one way to find out lol"). Idk, I just really like watching TAS and making the player feel like they're doing TAS things sounded fun.

But yeah, I've actually been making quite a few GM maps lately that I haven't published or technically finished. It's been interesting. The other day, I started a Theo Smuggle Gravity Map, kinda on a whim. I've always really liked Theo Crystal gameplay where you have to juggle Theo with your dashes. Vinculum reminded me "or right Dream Smuggles are a thing" and I was kinda curious how Gravity Helper assets interact with carryable objects and I've really been enjoying the Gravity Helper maps. There's this interesting distinction to how Theo Crystal reacts to dream hypers depending on whether you buffer your inputs. Also I think it's fun testing the player's ability to perform complex tech while upside down because it forces the player to adjust their muscle memory. Plus having two separate entities fucking about with Gravity looks really cool. Like Gravity is Dead and You Killed It. I get the impression that this map will have a lot of divergent strats because I'm using the same approach to variance as FoR where I'll acknowledge "yeah that's a thing you can do but it's also about as cursed as the intended solution" combined with the intended solution not being completely obvious.

There's this City map where I was messing around with the way Zip Movers and spikes interact strangely as well as asking the player to do more complex things with demo dash. Main thing atm is deco and berries. Tho I'm thinking I might want to just release all the GM maps together in a lobby or something. I could make a cute little hateside that contains ungodly bullshit that no one asked for <3.

There's this Celestial Resort level that's mainly designed around asking the player "can you corner jump while under mild pressure?" I'm not very good with cycles, so the cycles are kinda minimal. I'm sort of at a loss for how to best design this map just because I'm really disinterested in cycle gameplay but I'm still trying to make a GM Resort level. Which I'm sure will result in either a really interesting or really underwhelming solution.

And the final GM map I've been tinkering at is this Old Site level that uses the Viv Helper Dream Spinners. Atm development is paused because that entity isn't compatible with Lönn, so I'm sort of just waiting for the Helper Mod to update. Probably the more interesting part is the last two screens where I made a go at combining cracked GM bullshit with open-ended gameplay. Is it fun? Unlikely. Will that stop me? No.

But yeah, experimenting with cranking the difficulty all the way up has been a lot of fun and really interesting as of late.

[beardedhandstoadshark]

How did you like Genshin Impact, can you recommend it? I thought about starting it.

ONLY IF YOU PLAY THIS GAME AS AN F2P CASUAL AND IF FEAR OF MISSING OUT DOESNT AFFECT YOU.

DO NOT THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT GETTING A SPECIFIC CHARACTER VIA THE GACHA OR "BUILDING" YOUR CHARACTERS THE "CORRECT“ WAY. THERE IS NONE, AND THE CHARACTERS GET RERUNS. ONCE YOU START SINKING IN MONEY, ITS DIFFICULT TO GET OUT BECAUSE THE GAME IS DESIGNED TO MAKE YOU SPEND AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, WILL SOUR YOUR EXPERIENCE, AND IS JUST NOT WORTH IT TO BEGIN WITH.

But aside from that, yea! The world building is genuinely amazing and gets better with each region, both in look and lore. You can play around with your team composition however you want, without being forced to pick certain characters or combos due to difficulty. And if it does happen to be to much, you can always lower the world level so enemies are easier. There’s lots of side-games like the serenitea pot (home-designer; think animal crossing new horizons but without villagers), a card game that can be played against NPC‘s and other players (and totally isn’t one big Yugioh reference), fishing, a Pokédex to fill, and probably more coming. The characters are pretty unique in both, well, character, and lots of detail in design (though they do tend to be a bit crowded personally, + there’s that whole thing going on with Candace being. Probably quite a few shades lighter in skintone than the person she‘s based on. Yeaaaa that one’s. Oof. The game‘s from China so not much to expect anyways; but still.) And the story, for the most part, is pretty engaging, with the things happening in said story having an actual, real impact on the gameplay and world, so that’s cool!

So in total, as a pro/con list:

Pros:

Amazing world building

SO. MUCH. WORLDBUILDING AND LORE. Everywhere

Generally engaging story with real impact on the world and gameplay

Unsolved mysteries, most of which are ongoing at this very moment

A lot of freedom when it comes to what characters you wanna fight with and how your team is built; basically everything goes and can be made to work well, even outside their intended purpose

No need or push to use any 5*s, 4*‘s are great on their own too; this goes for everything, but especially the characters. They’re not dumbed down to make the 5* ones look better.

Lots of stuff to do on the overworld, more with each region, like short and long m side-quests, or daily missions/weekly bosses

Option to turn down your world level if you’d rather chill (and increase it back after a while)

Card games and home builder side-games (serenitea pot my beloved)

Fishing and Pokédex

Mini-dungeons

You can feed the dogs

Overworld bosses and a challenge tower if you‘re really into combat

Play single-and multiplayer with up to 3 other people; both friends and by hopping into the worlds of strangers. Great way to get help with bosses, or you just wanna hang out with someone.

Events at every corner; with really big ones usually dropping at the start of a new major update + the big yearly lantern rite event for Chinese New Year (currently ending but the most interesting thing was the story that doesn’t make real sense without knowing the characters anyways)

Seriously there is so much lore at every corner. Lore In world details. Voice clips. Outfit details. Idle animations. Item descriptions. Weapon descriptions. The last two paragraphs in one of the many short stories you can collect in the form of books. Everywhere. (…unfortunately also events.)

The gacha system, while being predatory af, is. Kinda tame compared to other games? You get a decent amount of the currency needed from events and such, so if you only pull casually on every few banners, it’s possible to get a lot of characters you like without spending anything. There’s also this pity system where every pull increases your chance of getting a 5* and 90 will guarantee one, which is nice.

Cons:

THE GACHA SYSTEM. I know I just wrote it comparatively chill, but STILL. Maybe do a few pulls if you happen to have enough gems, but do NOT put money into this game. Gacha games are notorious for their gambling vibes for a reason. YOUR FAVES WITH COME BACK. YOU CAN PULL FOR ANOTHER FAVE. AND NEWERS WILL MOST LIKELY BE SLIGHTER STRONGER DUE TO POWER CREEP.

Again, that whole thing with Candace. All other characters can be argued upon but she‘s got specific origins to her design so it’s a bit oof.

The fandom. I‘m not even joking. It’s your classic ultra-toxic fandom you need to find a cozy corner in and then never leave from there. The shippers are especially vicious here, though a lot of the fandom outside of tumblr is weirdly obsessed with building characters as efficiently as possible, and putting this pressure on others to grind for all that stuff too.

Grinding for artifacts, the main way to "customize“/enhance a characters‘ stats, is horribly repetitive, grindy, and luck-based. So if you do care about building characters efficiently, you‘re forced to deal with that.

For some reason Mihoyo/Hoyoverse decided it would be a good idea to put a lot of their character-lore into events, a good chunk of which can be found outside of cutscenes and instead in the world during the event. So if you miss it, you have to check out the wiki, because you can’t replay the story. Following events will sometimes treat you like you did the previous missed events too, which can be a bit confusing. Especially since other times, those lines only trigger if you DID see said events.

You can’t pet the dogs

Havent played it, but if you care about combat more than the world, their other game Honkai Impact supposedly fits that niche a lot better

TLDR: Treat this game like a casual singleplayer open-world game, ignore the gacha/artifact system, and you should be good.

[ruiniel]

Hello!

Sorry right back for this late comment/reply, but here I am!

(the scar reasoning)

It's... I don't wanna say 'easier' in that sense since any art form presents its own set of challenges, but you're definitely fortunate in the regard that you can alter the lore as needed to suit the story and not be overly concerned if it diverges too much from the source material. ☺ My mindset has difficulty finding that middle ground. 😅

Hah I see where you're coming from, trust me I do. When I started fanfiction writing for the Tolkien fandom, I didn't know much about the reception or the kind of fandom it was overall, especially concerning acceptance of skewing canon (even though with Tolkien, the term 'canon' is so debatable it's hilarious).

I also started my journey on fanfiction dot net, which, in hindsight, I realized later did Not represent the majority of the Tolkien fandom in terms of acceptance. You had reviews such as 'I like this story and this was a good chapter even though you have made Legolas a brunette, instead of a blonde.' (Me: uhmm, okay) or 'However, I have to say that I really dislike (my fem!OC). [...] I sincerely hope her attitude changes, otherwise it will be very difficult to continue reading with such an unsympathetic heroine.' (Me, who's always loved building Tolkien fem!OCs and roots for them being represented with different facets and a personality outside heteronormative/gender role expectations: uhmmmm, okay). Needless to say, I don't stick around that site anymore but it was a great place to start where I made an awesome friend.

My point is, you do you on divergence... up to you!

And I also wrote Speaker instead of Scholar, brain go derp! 🤪 *Highly embarrassed*

Oh please I once wrote 'appendices' when meaning 'appendages' (not betaed). Only noticed after I posted. I eventually got out from under the shamecouch

Another random one but I may even slightly HC that Al might be infertile due to being a hybrid, but the possibilities are something I intend to look further into at some stage and are currently just a small thought.

Yes! I've also played with the concept of Castlevania dhampir fertility here and I've seen the infertility HC used in fic. Other HCs in the Castlevania universe say a dhampir can have children by either humans or vampires, since they are 'both' in a sense. Again, I believe personally that a headcanon is a headcanon. I consider a headcanon something that goes into the realm of 'don't like, don't read' - meaning, if you don't agree with it, move on and find something you do like. I will never debate a sensibly concocted HC (barring any -phobia inferred within it).

Ah yes, bottom line: Do as you please. 😁 For you personally, though, how far is too far? Just curious.

I write fluff to darkfic so no major boundaries here. I keep art outside of the realm of morality as I personally believe it doesn't belong there. But, I will say I'm not a huge fan of romanticizing certain actual harmful activities/concepts in stories. 'Do what you like, but tag well and mindfully.'

Could he be turned, though, do you think? 🤔 Fully, I mean. Always found it a little curious that, for a series centred around vampires, we never get an onscreen turning.

I've never thought about this, haha! But, at least in the show-verse, I do remember Godbrand talking to Isaac and saying Alucard is nearly as powerful as his father. Perhaps the human side and vampire side don't cancel each other out, since they thrive in communion within him.

Alucard's upbringing is also of insane interest to me, such as, would his vampiric side have prompted cravings while he grew up, even if he'd never even tasted it? But that's a rabbit hole for another time! Far too many thoughts and questions on it!

Indeed! You can take from both the show-verse and the game-verse on this one, depending on what you like. It's great to explore in fic! Also, I brought Carmilla into it here dlkfjs

Seriously, thank you ever so much for indulging me here!!! It is such a treat to login and read all your responses! 🤗

Thank you as well for the replies, and Happy New Year!

Hey, dearie~ Apologies for the random Ask, but am curious as to your thoughts on a particular subject (and… may or may not need them for fic reasons 🤐): Does Alucard actually consume blood? Human and/or animal.

Aside from those stores in his keep under Gresit (which are… bizarre in and of themselves, honestly 🤔) and a comment to Trevor about 'killing and eating' him which could be interpreted in different ways, there doesn't appear to be that much canonical evidence to support the idea. Took my noob ponderings to the world wide web, but with little success. Most offered info from his game counterpart, which states that he apparently has consumed in the past but dislikes the taste? 🤔 If correct, one could fill in the gaps with info from similar sources as such, of course, but I personally still enjoy reading others' takes on the question. 😁

And it's naturally a fun idea that the fandom seems to eat up; him drinking from his partner 'cause c'mon, you have a half-VAMPIRE boyfriend/husband! Bu~ut, what if he doesn't like blood? What would the reason be? HAS he perhaps consumed in the past but no longer does? Share with me your wisdom!... Please. If it's not too much trouble. 😊

Hi! Finally got to this, thanks for asking! This'll be a long-ish one.

From your note I take it we're mainly interested in 'show-canon' here, and that’s the lens I’ll filter this through but I'll refer to other media from the Castlevania universe on this topic.

Yes, as you wrote, the show-verse interpretation of him has some references to hematophagy:

The presence of these in Alucard's private Keep:

Considering Alucard was in pretty bad shape after the first confrontation with Drac, and IF we assume those contain blood, it seems implied it was used in some manner as part of a healing/reanimation system OR, maybe, as sustenance during his Sleep ... The provenance of it? We (I) don't know, the show doesn't focus on that.

Alucard heals speedily when wounded as evidenced in the show a few times, and the fact that the chest scar remains after Dracula fights him in season I suggests to me just how close to kicking the bucket he might've been, if we think about who wounded him in the first place. So, maybe this was a one time case of needing this extra support? But don't know. In the speculation business here.

Just a fun thing, they make me think of these health bars in the games:

2. Again as you mentioned, the 'kill you and eat you' banter. It's hard to tell but my take is Alucard simply played on Trevor's preconceptions there to get a laugh out of it, since he was aware of the prophecy as shown when he asks Sypha here 'do you know the whole story?'

(can we pause to appreciate Sypha's blush for a moment aww)

And (I think) that when he saw them and heard their reason for coming, he likely knew, hence the 'do you care, Belmont?' questions. But he's a bastard(affectionate) and why not test a Belmont out because he can.

3. Adding what he told Sumi and Taka in season III:

Now, the statement might've been an extrapolation as a part of training, but do with that what you will.

It's a fun idea to eat up(har har) because blood drinking, or the symbolism of it - taking of one’s life force, has often been depicted as having a sensual side in certain literature genres and other media if the intent is not murderous (aka not a 'drink them dry' situation). It represents a physical and visceral connection between the (usually) willing giver and taker on a much deeper level than other pleasurable physical interactions let's say. It involves a huge amount of trust from one party, and the validation of that trust by the other.

I won't go into the wider discussion of the vampire myth origins and how it changed from its folkloric roots around the 19th century, though there is a lot to say. But the concept of vampirism has been around for millennia - as far back as Mesopotamia. Suffice to add that the contemporary Lestat-Dracula-Alucard types, the elegant, decadently flawless depictions of the vampire are a product of literary works gaining popularity at the time (rotting thanks to John Polidori, Sheridan Le Fanu and the like). Also! The term dhampir is not a Castlevania invention, but has its origins in Balkan folklore, with the same meaning.

Most offered info from his game counterpart, which states that he apparently has consumed in the past but dislikes the taste? 🤔 If correct, one could fill in the gaps with info from similar sources as such, of course

Right! The gameverse/Castlevania universe has some other references to it too, some I remember:

In SOTN he can activate a spell called dark metamorphosis, which in summary heals him if coming in contact with (enemies') blood 

Soul steal is another spell in the games that Alucard (and Dracula) can master, which is just that: healing by draining 'souls'/the life energy of those around them, dealing damage and healing themselves.

While neither of these are straight up 'blood drinking' they follow the trail of vampirism - draining the vital essence of the living.

And since we're here, lumping this together. A spinoff radio drama (Japanese) taking place after SOTN events deals strongly with Alucard and hematophagy. In Nocturne of Recollection Maria Renard is living with Alucard after the SOTN events (... nothing suggested they’re in a romantic relationship, mind you, at least it didn't seem like it to me).

The Villain of the story (incubus Magnus) appears to Maria and suggests Alucard won’t be able to control his thirst at one point around her, saying something like (paraphrasing) “why do you think he keeps a human around”.

She doesn’t believe him, but then asks Alucard about it, who admits he has consumed human blood in the past, but obviously doesn’t anymore. In the past he turned an old servant/friend (Lyudmil) into a vampire, which is strongly implied. It's also suggested that he struggled with his vampirism and legacy. I like to reference these bits in any ‘dhampir turns someone’ fic since it’s still in the Castlevania universe and Why Not.

Going back to the animated show, I’ve seen (and used) some common tropes in CV series fanfic:

drinks blood in dire circumstances: he’s gravely injured, usually beyond healing abilities for some reason and someone offers up blood to help him heal/get back on his feet

Sensual, usually blood kink/blood play, mostly in smutfic 

My headcanon of show-verse Alucard is he can drink blood, but he doesn’t need to, since we've of course seen him eat plain ol' human food. Nor is he interested, I see him presented as leaning more towards the human side of his legacy here. Anyway, this was the mile-long ramble, I likely missed some things but in the end it's up to you how you want to interpret it as an author, how much you want to keep to the fandom universe or expand beyond it.

I'm a strong proponent of 'it's canon if it works for me' in fanfiction writing tbh, and I've written AU show-verse Alucard drinking blood for various reasons/with various effects. Looking forward to how you apply it for fic purposes!

[asleepinawell]

hi Sarah, idk if I missed it but have you posted your thoughts on pathologic before?

hmm, I don't think I have. it was pathologic 2 specifically that I played. never tried the first one

I generally really liked pathologic 2. the atmosphere and aesthetic were completely on point and I actually bought it without knowing a thing about it after my friend sent me a screenshot of the plague doctor executors. I was just like ah yes a game for me. also playing it during a pandemic was, uh, quite something. but I like the tone of it and the mounting sense of desperation and how random and surreal it is. like the one part where you have to report to the town hall and the whole town freezes and you follow the trail of pointing tragedians was super cool. also the soundtrack was great and that opening where you walk through the doomed town gave me chills. and I loved the bulls! and artemy's snarky dialogue

oh also the mind map as the 'journal' or task page or whatever was a really cool system and I wish other games would try out something similar

on the flip side I had a low tolerance for some of the meta stuff with mark immortell which just felt kinda pretentious. I know a lot of people loved it but not my thing. to add to that I didn't like the very similar tone the actual devs took when they were finally convinced to add difficulty sliders for the game. that said something like 'we understand not everyone wishes to be enlightened by their experience' or something equally pretentious. their whole shtick has been making games so difficult and grueling that most people will never finish them. and no thanks, I will never think that adding accessibility options to games is a bad thing

on a somewhat related note, I had the misfortune to play it on console which I would really strongly advise against. the console versions crash constantly, corrupts your save files (sometimes multiple saves in the stack), has ridiculous load times to....walk down the street and while your game is trying to load the next area and you're frozen in place the rest of the game might start back up and oops you've been stabbed to death or caught the plague before you get control back. considering that each time you die you get a permanent penalty applied retroactively to all your saves, this sucks and makes the game even more miserable to play on top of the intended frustrations. so don't play on the console. (the pc version is much better). but yeah when you die because the game froze up briefly and then have to go listen to mark immortell, who embodies the devs, be condescending to you about your death that was caused by the shitty optimization of the game it's just like...fuck the entire way off my dude

my other sort of complaint was about the endings. I generally prefer the nocturnal ending, but I've done both and it felt kind of lame that there wasn't a middle ground ending. not because I wanted a perfect happy ending or anything like that, but because the conflict that was set up between the kin and the townsfolk mirrors a lot of real stuff in the world and it felt very lazy and unimaginative to be like well you can only ever have one or the other there's no other choice! it felt like it kind of negated some of the themes in the story too.

I've complained a lot in this post but I swear I really did enjoy it a lot and I'll probably play the other two parts if they ever come out (not on console though lol). I'd recommended it if you enjoy very challenging games with immersive narratives and high stakes and love the creepy surreal aesthetic. Also there is absolutely nothing wrong with turning down the difficulty sliders and just enjoying the story with the minimum amount of annoyance because it's (intentionally) hard to experience the full story on the intended difficulty, something I have opinions about that you can probably guess

I also enjoyed the marble nest, the dlc that went with it. it had more of the meta game stuff in it but I found it more tolerable and it was just a cool little game with those same great aesthetics

as a final note, I've seen very mixed opinions on the portrayal of the indigenous people of the steppe, the kin (who I don't believe are based on a real people but I won't swear to that), and I don't feel qualified to sort through that myself especially with only a couple vague tumblr text posts to go off of but I do think it's worth noting that there are some criticisms there and keeping that in mind while playing

[pixelpoppers]

On whether games “should” have easy modes

I'm always frustrated when I see the difficulty debate framed as "Should every game have an easy mode?" To me, this question makes about as much sense as "Should every building have an accessibility ramp?"

Every house I've ever lived in has had at least one step up to the front door, sometimes a few. None of them have had ramps. And that's fine - the people who went into and out of those houses frequently would not have benefited from a ramp, and the cases where someone did need assistance with the steps were so few and far between that it was just easier and cheaper to deal with them individually. Other houses that are, say, occupied by people who use wheelchairs have a different trade-off. So it makes sense to let each such household decide whether to install a ramp based on who is using the house rather than mandating it. The households for whom it's a net benefit will do so without being forced, and the households for whom it isn't would lose value if they were forced to spend money, space, and time on something that doesn't help them out.

But there are also buildings intended to be used by much broader and more diverse groups of people: apartment buildings, hospitals, town halls, libraries, museums, department stores, and plenty more. These buildings aren't specifically meant for people who need ramps - but they are meant for a group of people that includes them. It would be bad business for them and bad practice for society if these buildings did not have accessibility ramps.

This is similar to how I feel about things like easy modes (and of course accessibility features and other things that feed into audience size). When I play a niche indie game made by a tiny low-budget team, I might find it personally disappointing if it doesn't have an easy mode, and that might be enough to mean that the game isn't for me. But that's okay. It doesn't mean the studio made a mistake. It means they are using their limited resources to target a specific audience as best they can, and I just don't happen to be a part of it.

But when there's a game that's aiming for mass appeal (especially AAA games, but really any game with nontrivial marketing) that doesn't have an easy mode - I again might be personally disappointed and conclude I'm not in the audience for it, but it also starts to seem more like an actual mistake on the part of the studio. Easy modes are one of the cheapest ways you can substantially broaden a game's potential audience.

"Should every game have an easy mode?" is an impossible question to answer sensibly unless you can unpack that "should" and that "every". I think the world would be a worse place if we had, say, an actual law that all games must have easy modes. But some games "should" have easy modes in that choosing to add them would be a win for both the game studio and the people who'd like to play the game. There "should" be easy modes in that you'd expect to see most games that want to sell well to have one. Asking whether "every" game "should" have an easy mode is a false dichotomy that just prompts people to yell at each other because some have examples of games that are better off with easy modes and some have examples of games that are better off without them.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Stalker X Stalker, Part 6

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Perma tag: @nathleigh @peachmuses

Stalker x Stalker taglist: @aespades @jayjayspixiepop @blueslushgueen @fan-written @seraphichana @nerd-nowandforever

Just remembered I had a plot so oops

Marinette wasn’t stupid. Nino had a brother only a few years older than Robin, and that brother had never acted so young or clingy at Robin’s age (and it surely wasn’t a thing about Robin, because she had yet to see him cling to anyone else). She knew that Robin was just using her to mess with Red Robin.

But she didn’t particularly mind. It was kind of funny to watch Red getting all worked up over his little brother and friend being close. She was glad she had her mask, because otherwise she definitely would have given away the act by this point.

Robin, for his part, had been upping things more and more every time he saw her. She wasn’t sure whether this was because he knew that she knew or because he was testing the limits of what he could do without her saying anything.

Red looked like he was at his wit’s end with Robin held out a hand for Marinette right before crossing a street. She took it, which was when he finally snapped:

“He’s twelve, not five!”

She pulled her face into a mock frown. “Are you saying that twelve-year-olds should get hit by cars, Red?”

Red Robin sputtered.

“Miss Ladybug, why is he so mean to me?” Robin asked with wide eyes. She could see the corner of his lips twitching in an effort not to smile.

She winked. His eyes narrowed just slightly then he widened them back to their wide-eyed sadness.

“I don’t know, sweetie. He’s just a meanie, I guess.”

Red Robin threw his hands up in either anger or defeat. It didn’t really matter which one it was, they counted it as a win.

~

Tim wasn’t surprised to walk into the Batcave one day and see Marinette’s face on the Batcomputer. The only thing he didn’t know was whether she was up there because they had figured out her identity or because Tim had started hanging out with her as a civilian.

He took a long sip of his coffee as he considered this, then he trudged over. Might as well find out.

“Hey guys,” he announced his presence.

He watched Duke out of the corner of his eyes. Duke was the newest of them, he could usually count on him to have more pronounced reactions.

Duke didn’t seem all that awkward. So it must have been them finding out her identity.

Tim sidled up beside them. “Sure that’s her?”

Bruce, never one for using his words when he didn’t have to, held up a small container of blood.

He hummed his understanding and intended for that to be the end of the conversation… but it was getting increasingly hard to ignore the eyes boreing into the side of his head. Tim fought to keep a straight face and unclench his jaw and ignore the stupid ‘d-d-don’t be suspicious’ song playing in his head.

And then Cass tapped him on the shoulder and he cursed quietly.

“Fine. Fine. I knew. Happy?”

Cass was not. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“I saw her run into an alleyway and I followed -- obviously, it’s Gotham and alleyways are dangerous -- and she transformed right in front of me.”

She nodded and let it go.

Bruce, however, did not.

“You knew her identity and didn’t think to tell us?”

“I thought to tell you, I just didn’t,” he said with a cheeky grin.

Ah. The Disappointed Dad Stare. He had certainly not missed that.

His grin melted into an awkward smile. “It felt weird to reveal her. She clearly cares about her identity since she hasn’t told us herself yet, I figured I’d respect that as long as I could.”

“... you weren’t making progress on her identity on purpose. God, that makes so much more sense,” muttered Steph.

He shrugged. “Easy to avoid someone’s identity when you know who it is.”

Bruce was still looking at him disapprovingly.

“Don’t worry, I have contingencies,” Tim said.

His father relaxed, finally. He motioned for him to go on.

“Well, a few need confirmation. I still don’t know if her yoyo can be cut and it’s hard to tell if other people can unzip her hood or not. But if the hood is open then The Flash or Superman can easily get the earrings from her -- beyond those she’d just a normal person with some fighting skills, same contingencies as The Arrows or any of us. If not then Green Lantern can probably neutralize her.”

Bruce nodded.

The other kids looked mildly concerned.

“Wait, he has contingencies for us?” Duke said.

Bruce was back to looking dismayed. Tim showed them all where their files were (he wouldn’t hack them for them, obviously, he didn’t want to break the news of exactly how messed up Bruce’s contingencies were). He could practically see all the sweat beading itself on his forehead beneath his cowl.

(Tim hid his smile. He’d finally gotten revenge for the time he’d made him stay inside after The Chloroform Incident. And revenge was sweet.)

… it wasn’t until he started seeing his siblings on the rooftop across from Marinette’s apartment that he thought that, maybe, he should have gotten them into their files. It definitely would have distracted them from the Marinette Is Ladybug situation.

At least Cass trusted Marinette -- she would have slipped up and showed her intentions at least once by now -- and therefore wasn’t likely to come by. Cass would be the one to figure out that Tim coming up to the roof was more than him just checking on his siblings.

The first person that came by was Damian. Fair enough, he’d been around Marinette the shortest amount of time and what little friendship they had was based on his lies.

Now, the youngest sibling sat, cross-legged on the rooftop. He was sketching in his sketchbook between quick glances over at Marinette. He looked up when Tim pulled himself over the side and squinted at him.

“Drake.”

“Dami,” Tim greeted, because it always annoyed his younger brother when he used the nickname. “Having fun spying on Marinette?”

Damian was silent for a few moments before clicking his tongue. “She needs to close her blinds more often.”

“Aw, do you care about her?” Tim teased, reaching over to ruffle his brother’s hair.

He pushed his hand away. “She’s a Gothamite and is therefore under our protection.”

Tim snickered and shook his head, taking a seat beside him on the rooftop. “We can tell Duke about it once everyone else has had their chance at checking her out. He’s the only one that can get away with asking her to close it.”

Damian nodded firmly.

Tim hid the fond smile on his face by diverting his brother’s attention: “So, what’re you sketching?”

Damian’s eyes lit up.

The next person to drop by was Bruce himself. He was sitting there, in all black despite the fact that it was less useful during the day, with full spy equipment.

Tim dropped down beside him and was offered a set of headphones. The two of them stayed there in silence for a long time, listening to Marinette going about her day. She was currently cooking something and singing along to a song:

“I always feel like... somebOdy’s watching meeEe… andIhavenoprivacy~.”

Tim was choosing to ignore the song choice in favor of giggling about her inability to hit the notes. He could feel Bruce watching him out of the corner of his eyes, but he didn’t say anything and neither did Tim.

Next was Steph.

Steph raised her eyebrows at Tim when she saw him.

“Come here often?” She asked in a tone that was only half-joking.

“Only recently,” he lied. “Trying to figure out if any of you trust my judgement.”

“Doubtful.”

“Yeah, Duke is my last hope.”

She snickered and shook her head. “To be fair, you’re whipped. You could have been biased.”

“But I’m not.”

“But you’re not,” she conceded, then turned her gaze back on Marinette. “She’s cute. I approve.”

“Glad to know you trust her.”

“I wasn’t talking about it like that and you know it,” Steph said with a wink.

Tim blushed and pushed her face away. “You’re the worst.”

~

Marinette was having a little difficulty figuring out the not-quite-a-language that the bats spoke with her. She wanted to learn it because she cared about Black Bat and, though she could use ASL, it was clear that she wasn’t comfortable with any particular language… but wow was it hard to learn a language when there wasn’t any actual language involved.

Thankfully, Signal had said he would teach her since he had learned it the most recently and therefore might have an easier time teaching it.

Now, it was just after they had finished their lessons for the day and the two of them were relaxing together between their patrols. He had his head in her lap as they both scrolled through Twitter, occasionally laughing and showing each other the dumb things that the other bats had supposedly done. Her favorite so far was the picture someone had discreetly taken of Robin while he was petting their dog.

And then Signal suddenly sat up straight, eyes so wide beneath his domino that she swore that the lenses were going to pop out.

“Uh --?”

“We need to go,” he said.

She felt his hand wrap around her wrist and now she was being dragged somewhere else --.

There was a rush of air and next thing she knew she was being held just barely off the ground.

She blinked all the dryness out of her eyes and then looked up to see that her captor was none other than Superman himself. He had grabbed both of them and taken them to where the Batcomputer was, holding her by her hood and Signal by the back of his shirt. He looked angry, but not particularly at her. She followed his gaze to where Batman was sitting in his Batchair.

“B --.”

“Batman,” said Batman sternly.

Oh, so Superman got to know his secret identity and she didn’t?

(She was ignoring the fact that Batman’s civilian name started with a B.)

“Batman, what do I have here?”

“Two children?”

“Two. Metas.”

“Technically, Ladybug isn’t a meta. Her powers were given to her by a god that lives in her earrings,” Batman informed him.

Marinette tried not to smile too much. Look at how much he had grown. He was using her excuses now.

Superman’s eyes narrowed. She’d say something about how ‘if looks could kill, Batman would be dead’... but, considering the fact that Superman could kill someone with a single look, it didn’t really work.

“And is the god allowed in Gotham?”

Batman didn’t have an excuse for that one. He just grunted a specific grunt which Marinette had learned meant: “What’s your point?”

Superman also knew this specific grunt, apparently. “My point is that the last time I was in Gotham you put kryptonite in my coffee! You said no metas, and we listened, but now you have two!”

“They’re my kids.”

Marinette blinked. “News to me.”

Signal tried to reach across Superman to punch her arm. Superman was a very wide not-man, so he came up short.

“Do you want to be kicked out of Gotham?”

“Guess I’ve always wanted family here,” she said quickly.

Superman squinted at them for a long time before, finally, dropping them.

“You’re lifting your no meta rule.”

“No --.”

“Yes. If even you’re not going to listen to it, neither should we.”

Batman didn’t seem happy. Superman didn’t seem to care. Probably because he was a good head taller and had far more superpowers than Batman did.

Superman left soon after.

Marinette knew it wasn’t the time, because Batman was back to his Batbrooding, but she couldn’t help the grin slowly spreading across her face.

“So, Dad, can I have the new Xbox for Christmas?”

~

Duke had visited Marinette. Tim hadn’t seen him visit, but he definitely had because Marinette had closed her blinds and they hadn’t been open in days. She was still in Gotham, though, she had gone on patrols and, as far as he could tell, she didn’t have any places in Gotham in her name. She had to still be in the apartment, so Duke must have visited as Signal and told her to close them.

And he should have been happy about this. It was far safer that way. The less people knew that there was a woman living alone in that apartment the better.

… but he couldn’t help but be concerned.

The blinds being closed was his best indication of when she was about to leave or currently not home. He didn’t like that he no longer had a way of figuring that out. How was he supposed to watch over her while she was getting groceries if he never knew when she was going?

He gives her a necklace with a tracker in it the next time he sees her as Tim.

She raised her eyebrows at the box he was holding out to her. “Don’t you think it’s a little early to propose?” She joked, but he could hear the slight wariness bleeding into her tone.

He grins easily. “It’s just to thank you for the outfit you’re making me.”

“You pay me,” she said. “That’s thanks enough for me.”

“Maybe I just feel a little bad about guilting you into making it in the first place.”

She hesitates, but he could see the shiny red gem inlaid in it winning her over. It doesn’t matter that she wasn’t a gold digger, she was a fashion designer and he had purposefully chosen a common gem color so she’d be more inclined to wear it more often. It worked with a lot of outfits and it came from someone she -- hopefully -- considered a friend? There was little reason to say no.

As expected, she gave in.

She turned around and he carefully clasped it behind her neck. He pressed a tiny kiss to the back of her head.

When she turned back around her face was redder than the gem. He couldn’t help but smile.

“Ready to go?”

She nodded, taking his hand and allowing him to pull her along to the newest attraction.

~

Marinette fell back on her bed with a huff.

“Tikkiiiiiiiii,” she complained.

The kwami slipped out of her purse and came up to float above her face. “Did you enjoy your date?”

“It wasn’t --!”

Tikki laughed at her dismay. Because Tikki sucked.

She dropped the pillow back beside herself and curled up in what had used to be Tim’s jacket (she wasn’t joking when she’d taken it, he was never getting it back).

“Tim better be Red Robin. I’m not doing the whole ‘two crushes at once’ thing again.”

~

You know, there were actually times where Tim felt bad about chipping Marinette. He wasn’t out of it enough to think that it wasn’t messed up, he knew that there was a reason he didn’t want the other bats to know.

And he knew that, if he had to keep his habits from fellow bats, his habits had to be pretty bad. Every single one of them had a tendency to watch over their loved ones from time to time, it just came with the territory of having friends that are a) vigilantes/heroes/Rogues, b) stupid enough to live in Gotham, or c) an unfortunate mix of both. And, really, when you have the entire world at your fingertips it’s hard not to cross a few lines from time to time.

But Tim couldn’t bring himself to care about that line when she didn’t seem to care about her own safety.

She left the house constantly. Tim was beginning to suspect that she’d had her blinds open so often in order to feel closer to people rather than because she liked sunning herself. This would be fine… if she wasn’t leaving as a civilian. Marinette cared about her secret identity almost as much as Bruce did, so he knew that she probably wouldn’t try too hard to escape attackers for fear of them finding out who she was through her very particular fighting style. The bats had drilled her on the best ways to deal with being held at gunpoint and everything, but not every criminal was completely predictable. Bruce’s parents were a prime example of that.

She also had a tendency to take food without checking to see if it was laced. She did it especially when Tim handed her food and, while he liked that she trusted him, he didn’t love that she was as trusting of him as she was.

Marinette had trouble detecting when people were watching her, too. He figured it was just a byproduct of having most of the stuff she did as Ladybug filmed by tv crews and random civilians… but understanding why she was like that didn’t make him any less concerned about it.

Most damning, however, was how she dealt with catcalling.

Tim never felt a need to intervene when any of his siblings got catcalled on the job. He could trust them to tell whoever it was to stop with however much politeness was correct for the situation (usually not that much).

(The only exception was Damian because, unlike everyone else, Damian was still very obviously a minor. And even then the temptation to beat them up was mostly sated by the fact that Damian knew far more nonlethal ways to hurt them than he did.)

But the few times Marinette had gotten catcalled in front of him she… had just very politely asked them not to say that? And, when they didn’t stop, she had just sat there in her discomfort until they were done?

And Tim had done nothing but watch in stunned silence the first few times. It hadn’t been on purpose, he had just… not been expecting it. She usually acted far more confident, usually had some sort of retort on her tongue, why was this any different?

He didn’t know. Both he and Steph had tried to ask but she shut down both times and they didn’t want her to be more upset than she already was so they’d stopped trying.

The bats just silently agreed to check in on her through comms when she was quiet for too long and, if she didn’t respond, head towards her last known location and start looking.

So, yeah, his paranoia wasn’t completely unfounded.

~

Marinette blinked at the envelope Black Bat had handed her.

She turned it over in her hands, wondering if it was some kind of test, but that wasn’t really as much of a Black Bat thing as it was a Batman or Red Robin thing. So, she figured it probably wasn’t dangerous. She still found herself examining it. It was done in an old style, with a rough and slightly yellowed paper, a red wax seal with a pointy hat emblem she didn’t recognize, and ‘Ladybug’ written across the front in gorgeous calligraphy.

“Uh…?”

Black Bat only smiled at her and made a motion to open it.

Marinette hesitantly opened the letter and pulled out more weird paper. It was splattered with something that looked suspiciously like dried blood. In the same elegant script that had decorated the front, it read:

Your spirit has been summoned to my annual Halloween Party!

Dress to kill!

This was followed by a bunch of directions and timings and stuff about RSVP-ing.

Marinette looked at Black Bat, somehow even more confused than she had been before.

Thankfully, Red Robin chose that moment to run down the stairs, waving his invitation excitedly.

He stopped short when he saw Marinette already holding her invitation and huffed, sending Black Bat a halfhearted glare. “I wanted to tell her.”

Black Bat’s smile morphed into a smirk.

“Rude,” Red said. Then, he turned to Marinette. “We got invited to his Halloween Party!”

“Yeah��� whose Halloween Party, exactly?”

“Scarecrow’s, of course!”

… what?

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 5)

I'm back on my bullshit. I decided I'd post these, once a day, four days a week. Then I'll go on breaks for the weekend to let interested readers catch up while also further writing more entries. At the time I'm posting this, for example, I'm in the process of analyzing Chapter 39. That way, it's easier for everyone to enjoy this essay. Which I hope people do.

Anyway, this can finally truly be called a ship essay, because one of our key players has FINALLY developed feelings! Going forward, Natsume's behavior will heavily feature his growing affections for Mikan. We'll be analyzing Natsume's self-preserving hesitation as well as his immediate instinct to give up any chance he has from the get-go.

Chapter Seventeen

Natsume next shows up to walk into Class B during a commotion of Mikan’s retelling of the Reo incident. The kids all gather around him now too to ask questions and press about his condition. One kid even asks if he should teach Mikan a lesson for bragging about his rescue. Mikan smiles at him, under the assumption that their shared trauma has brought them closer and maybe even made them friends, but Natsume’s response is to simply turn away and ignore her.

He’s still Natsume after all. This is the first girl he’s ever liked, and she used to be somebody he despised, so the change in feelings is probably very strange to him. He’s confused and possibly embarrassed. He doesn’t know what to say or how to act.

Can't have her getting any ideas that he's completely changed his mind about her or anything.

Most of the people that Natsume likes at the school (although that is just Ruka and Youichi… so… you know) know that he likes them. He spends time with them, is gentle with them, does things for them, and can openly say kind things to and about them. Mikan is different. He used to be her number one enemy, so all of a sudden switching gears and becoming her friend would be quite odd.

Over time, Natsume will find ways to be gentle and sweet to Mikan, but for now his crush is brand new and he doesn’t know how to act quite yet. He’d rather avoid her entirely, or pretend like nothing happened, than openly approach his new feelings.

Furthermore his behavior is always and under all circumstances inseparable from his status as Persona’s favorite and as the Black Cat. He may have some loved ones, but he keeps the number low and tries to avoid getting close to people for a reason. Naturally, nobody could ever really understand his experiences so there will always be a divide between him and the rest of his peers, but even more than that is that considering people precious turns them into targets.

Natsume has probably learned the hard way that displaying closeness and affection for his friends can have dangerous effects, so he might now think of showing that kind of affection as selfish or even cruel. Why subject somebody to something like that, merely because he has feelings for them? It’s not fair.

In either case, it’s really not that Natsume is naturally mean and cold. He just doesn’t trust his situation enough to properly act. It’s safer in every way to just pretend like nothing changed. It’s too much to deal with otherwise. But sooner rather than later, the hard thing will be staying away. Eventually, maintaining coldness with her will be almost impossible.

Chapter Eighteen

This chapter further touches on Natsume’s new-found crush and its consequences.

Class B is used to being in an environment where Natsume hates Mikan and is bothered by everything she does. He gives in to her slightly, in small ways, and it shocks his classmates. Now, it’s understandable that, even if he hadn’t developed a crush on her, he might still be softer to a girl who risked her life to save him, but it’s still odd.

Mikan recalls asking Natsume for help training her alice. She needs an offensive alice to nullify, so Iinchou or Hotaru’s would be ineffectual in training. Natsume is really the best person to ask, and, to everyone’s surprise, he actually agrees to help.

Natsume doesn't need any convincing to help her, but what did she think practicing with a fire alice would entail?

And yes it does seem like he’s only doing it to torture her, because his alice is capable of genuine bodily harm and his admirers snicker with amusement at his antics, but I can’t help but assume there’s more to it.

He doesn’t really hesitate to help. He doesn’t need convincing at all. In some ways I think he did genuinely want to help. Her alice helped save his life, after all. Why not repay the favor by using his alice to help her train? To him, there's a lot of value in her alice, so training it is beneficial in his perspective as well.

And later still, Mikan spots Natsume sitting amongst the principal students. He stands out, as an elementary student next to upperclassmen. This moment is a good introduction to the arc. His crush on Mikan only grows stronger as the festival goes on, but there’s something looming over him too--he’s different from the rest of them. He stands out so much during the festival. He’s a dangerous ability type who’s not allowed to participate while also being a principal who has to sit on the stage for the opening ceremony. That's horribly ironic, but also shows just how singled out and under the spotlight he is. It’s a huge part of why he acts the way he does, so cold and mean and distant despite his growing affections. It’s all he can do.

He may see potential for a future, but he’d be foolish to think he should be able to acquire it, because his current circumstances have not changed at all.

The chapter ends with Natsume being asked by Koko if he wants to try out the special ability class event. He’s looking towards the special ability area, and we can tell the next chapter will be fun.

Chapter Nineteen

And how!

Natsume is here to see Ruka, his best friend, but he’s also here to catch a glimpse of the girl he has a crush on.

Sumire is also there, and it’s interesting to see that Natsume hasn’t changed in his attitude around her either, even though she also helped save him. She tries to embrace him and he dodges her.

This catches some people’s attention and they start to whisper about his presence.

In the anime, this moment is a bit more potent, hearing the murmurs and seeing a darkness over the gossiping kids, but the manga still establishes that the people waiting in line are by-and-large unhappy to see him. They whisper amongst themselves, rudely asking why he’d bother to come here, but that gloom only lasts for a moment (one singular panel and then Natsume’s responding bitterness) before Mikan appears jumping over the wall, calling his name and even smiling.

It’s almost like she was waiting for him to show up, running off from her post the second she heard Natsume was there. The dark looming screentones are replaced with flowery ones, and it’s hard not to think of this as his perspective: all is gloomy and then there is Mikan. All of a sudden, after hating her for so long, he thinks of her as bright sunshine, and he must have showed up just to see her and feel nice for a change.

It's Natsume seeing Mikan through floral-filter lenses for me...

Of course, he ruins the mood. It feels almost as if he does it solely because he knows it will upset her. She was so excited to see him, and he manages to completely turn her mood from eager to angry, just the opposite of how she was able to unwittingly turn his mood from gloomy to... as close to content as he can get.

He’s okay now. He doesn’t want her getting any ideas.

Now, in my opinion, his method of bothering her could be anything and the plot would remain the same. What matters is that he wants to piss her off, and this just so happens to be the way he does it, partially because it’s intended to be funny. Mikan has to get angry at him for this chapter to progress the way it does, but his actions could have been replaced by any other irritating action and it could’ve gone the same way.

Tsubasa then appears, drawn to the sound of a loud commotion. He sees Natsume and vaguely wonders why he’s there. Everyone knows Natsume, at all grade levels, because he’s famous. For Tsubasa, whose only real knowledge of Mikan’s relationship with the kid is that he causes trouble in Class B, it would be strange to see him at the RPG.

Natsume, meanwhile, has no idea who Tsubasa is. Seeing Mikan crawl all over her senpai, seeing him easily comfort her, is something that bugs Natsume. He glares at Tsubasa, somebody whose name he doesn’t even know, and then starts leaving with Ruka.

At first, Tsubasa is confused to be treated like this, until he hugs Mikan tighter and sees both Natsume and Ruka turn in jealousy. Tsubasa gets it immediately. Thus begins a strange and tumultuous frenemy relationship between Tsubasa and Natsume, where they both begrudgingly understand each other while also irritating each other beyond belief.

Natsume is not interested in playing the game, insulting it and wondering how anyone could get hooked on it. Ultimately, it’s not even Mikan who convinces him to give it a shot; it’s Tsubasa taunting him, “then you should be able to win, no problem, right?”

Tsubasa will come to regret saying this, because the answer is yes.

The RPG is designed to be tough. Nobody has won the whole game yet. Beating one or two students is one thing, but being able to outsmart or outmaneuver the entire special ability class is a difficult feat.

Natsume agrees to play, and gets a robot cockroach as a weapon.

Tsubasa is hugging Mikan as Natsume is about to enter, and that pisses him off even more. He decides that Tsubasa will be his slave, his motive being get your hands off her. This is silly considering that just a short time ago, Natsume hated Mikan. His feelings really did a 180.

The challenges pick up in difficulty as he goes on. The first one is effortless. He doesn’t even move from where he’s standing. The mirror-alice girl just freaks out about the cockroach and sends him on his way after two seconds.

The next one is trickier, and Natsume will need to put in more effort than just standing and waiting for the cockroach to do its job. But not that much effort. He sits next to Megane, lights a fire, and waits. It’s a scorching flame, and although Megane tries to tough it out, he gives in with two seconds to spare. Natsume, a smartass, quips sarcastically that he’s sorry--he really can’t tell how hot it is. (This is not actually important or anything, it’s just interesting that Natsume is not affected by his own flames and can’t feel the heat of them. I might end up referring to this a couple times.)

With the exception of the first and last challenges, Natsume uses his alice to beat the maze; either by heating Megane up so his soul goes back into his body, or by writing with fire instead of chalk. The next challenge is the one Natsume has been waiting for and he’ll use his alice here too.

Tsubasa is shocked to find Natsume has progressed so quickly, but he proceeds with the challenge: Natsume has to touch him in thirty seconds, but it’ll be tricky ‘cause he’s held in place by his shadows. He toys with Natsume’s shadows a bit, which really pisses Natsume off. Tsubasa even apologizes nervously, even though he’s the one in control. Or he is, until Natsume uses his alice again and gets rid of the shadows.

Natsume’s anger towards Tsubasa all stems from jealousy. It’s not just that Tsubasa was hugging and comforting Mikan, it’s that he can. Natsume needs to distance himself from Mikan in order to keep her safe, and he’s aware of that right from the start, but there’s more to it. He’s busy establishing himself as an enemy to Mikan, doing things to bother her to make her angry with him, but nobody rushes to their bully for comfort, and Natsume knows this. It’s not just that Tsubasa was hugging Mikan; it’s that he feels like he will never get the chance.

And so the next and final challenge is where he gets to be selfish.

Mikan is aggravated to see him, obviously not thrilled that he was able to make it in such a short time. Her task is that he has to get her off the carpet in thirty seconds. He can’t hurt her or force her off the carpet, and because of their alice training together, he can’t use his alice on her either. (They’d apparently practiced so much that she was able to sharpen her skills significantly. Before, her alice was a wildcard and she struggled with using it, but now she’s able to use it with relative ease. That’s a lot of training in a short time, and I’m sure Natsume wasn’t upset at all the time they had to spend together as a result.)

Natsume must feel relief regarding Mikan's nullification alice. She's nullified his alice in pretty big ways already, one time to save his life. The girl he's crushing on is capable of turning off the thing that decreases his lifespan. She really is a breath of fresh air, in more ways than one, and his appreciation for her alice, even if he doesn't voice it, will only grow. This is important, but I'll talk way more about this in the other POV.

He tries the cockroach, but she’s a country girl and unaffected.

Natsume is genuinely stumped by her challenge, admitting to himself that it’s a tough one. He then comes up with a risky idea, no doubt influenced by her rescue of him when they were kidnapped by Reo. He plays sick. This act only works if Mikan falls for it and is concerned enough to jump off the carpet, but he’s a good actor on account of all the sick experience he has and she does fall for it in no time. Her being concerned was a given.

She jumps off, meaning he’s won the game, but that’s not enough of a victory for him. He acts sick until she’s closer, so he can grab her and put his arm around her. Yes, he calls her an idiot, but this is the closest he can get to a hug… for now. It doesn’t matter that she’s annoyed and dismayed that he won. All he cares about is that he got to touch her.

She jumped down. He won already, but it's not enough! (Also sorry about two pictures. If it ruins the format, oh well.)

Natsume was jealous that Tsubasa got to do something he thinks he'll never be able to, and so he got a taste of what he wanted some other, convoluted way. He gets angry that Tsubasa is so touchy, but that's only because he wishes he could be touchy too. Natsume will get bolder and bolder with his physical affection, because he will want more and more to show it. When he starts being honest about this affection, she will be more eager to return it.

Natsume is the first winner, and Tsubasa admits it was never expected for somebody to be able to pass all the challenges. Part of the appeal is that it’s an unbeatable game, but Natsume’s feelings of jealousy and spite were enough to get him over the finish line. Though perhaps knowing it's beatable but only one person could is also appealing. It's possible to pass, but very rare for somebody to be able to, so they can draw in crowds by capitalizing on kids who want to the next person to beat the game.

He gets to choose a lamp, but he has no idea which one is whose. He cheats by asking Koko to tell him which one is the right one, but he ends up picking Mikan’s, because Koko assumed that’s the one he wanted. After all--Natsume was thinking about her. Natsume is lucky that Mikan was too anguished at being a slave to care about Natsume thinking about her, but it’s interesting to know that even when he’s supposed to be angry at Tsubasa, he was only thinking of Mikan.

Chapter Twenty

This chapter’s premise is pretty simple and light: Natsume can’t think of any use for Mikan other than to follow him and Ruka around the festival and carry their stuff. They navigate the technical ability class area and even encounter Hotaru, though only for a short time because she’s quite busy.

Most importantly, their time in the technical area makes Mikan insecure. Everyone in the tech class seems to know what they want to do with their lives, with their alices being perfect for research or creation. I’ll go into more detail with this during Mikan’s essay, but it’s important to note that Mikan asks the people around her if they’re prepared for their future only to see that they all are. Hotaru, Sumire, and even Ruka all have dreams for the future, even if Ruka won’t share his. Natsume has decided to leave the conversation and we don’t hear what his dream is, which makes sense because he doesn’t have one. Natsume doesn’t think he’ll live long enough to graduate, so why even bother wasting his own time and getting his hopes up for something unattainable?

It’s then revealed that Ruka is also a triple, and Mikan can’t tell, but the mood has been soured for Ruka. His triple-star status is a touchy subject that he’s unhappy with. His star rank is representative of Natsume’s suffering and he doesn’t like talking about it. He only says that he didn’t mention it because he didn’t get it on his own talent or effort before Natsume forces Mikan to walk in another direction, claiming to be hungry.

This is literally just a scan of the TokyoPop version, which is better than the other version I see floating around.

He can tell Ruka is uncomfortable and is ready to step in so that his friend can feel better.

As a result, they end up at the cafe where Anna is working (after all, Mikan has been perfecting her puppy-dog eyes routine and I think both Ruka and Natsume are affected, even if the latter would never admit it).

Natsume takes the first bite of Anna’s hell pie, just to see a rot demon (or whatever that thing is) taunt him about the trouble his stomach will be in soon. He really doesn’t have a choice but to throw the tea over the pie. Ruka is grateful, but Mikan is outraged at how rude Natsume is acting, and even angrier when Natsume explains that the pie was horrible. She demands he apologize but Natsume simply walks away, content to be the bad guy because he saved his friends from getting food poisoning while also sparing Anna’s feelings and reputation at her cafe.

"Your stomach will writhe" is such a potent threat. I feel sick just looking at that demon/scoundrel/rot thing.

This scene has more substance than in the anime. In the episode, Natsume sees the rotten scoundrel (or WHATEVER IT IS) before he can take a bite. He tosses the tea for all their sakes and ultimately nobody is hurt. But here, in the manga, Natsume has already taken a bite. We see the missing part of the pie, the residue on the fork. Natsume is already screwed. He's going to have food poisoning from Anna's pie, and he still puts her feelings before his own. He'd rather say that the pie is terrible according to his own tastes than to let everyone around know that she made such a health-risking mistake. He drenches the pie so that Mikan and Ruka don't get food poisoning, even if it's too late for him. Natsume leaves, knowing he will look like an asshole, AND with stomach problems on top of that, but at least he's the only one who will be seriously hurt.

This is a pretty insignificant example of a trait that we have seen before with Natsume but haven't really fully explored. It's going to play a major role for the rest of the manga, because Natsume has something of a martyr complex, where he is quick to sacrifice himself because he sees little to no value in his own happiness. This is a small example, and I'm not saying it's not kind of him, but there are consequences with his line of thinking. He's fine with looking like an asshole to protect people, or giving up things he wants so someone else can have it, or blowing himself up so two girls can escape safely. Whenever there's a chance to sacrifice himself, Natsume will take it every single time.

This may seem noble or romantic or admirable but it's not healthy at all. The way he was raised (no shade to Papa Hyuuga and Kaoru but also.... tentatively side-eyeing them for putting so much responsibility on him) and the way he is now tortured by the school has put him in a position where his self esteem is horribly low. This complex of his results in suicidal tendencies, even after he falls in love with Mikan (and even exacerbated by that love). For Natsume, love is sacrifice. He simply cannot love without feeling like he has to give something up. Ideally, he would grow out of this and maybe start seriously choosing himself sometimes. It's not evil to want yourself to be happy and to choose your own well-being, even if it occasionally makes others sad or upset.

In the context of the actual story though, we have yet another glimpse of a complex that will cause a LOT of trouble down the road for Natsume and Mikan.

Conclusion

Natsume has new feelings for Mikan and is having trouble navigating them. They will cause even more trouble in the next essay. We also touched more on Natsume's self-sacrificing tendencies and how devastating they will turn out to be. These tendencies will be consistent and persistent throughout the manga in regards to NatsuMikan's relationship, and cause more problems. These problems will pop up a bit in the next part, so stay tuned!

Also, small note: I call him Ruka and not Luca because I got used to it after watching the anime and through scans and fanfics. I heard his name pronounced that way and at first thought it was a Japanese name so I simply copied the pronunciation. When I found out it was supposed to be Luca, I'd already been using Ruka for a while. I don't really want to switch to using Luca most of the time because I know people in real life named Luca/Luka and I talk enough about GA on the daily where it might feel strange to me. I use Luca sometimes when I'm talking to others who prefer it, but Ruka is what I'm used to. I hope this isn't frustrating, but understand that I pronounce Killua's name (from HxH) like "Ki-ru-a" as well and in my head "Gakuen Alice" is pronounced "Gakuen Arisu" because I pronounce things based on what I hear when watching the anime ;-; These are things I have no real desire to change because they sound right to me. I'm sorry. (Nobody has said anything or complained, and this is not a vague or anything like that! I just wanted to say that I know it's supposed to be Luca and it's not my intention to be disrespectful when I pronounce/spell it Ruka. I am fucking crazy, but I am free.)

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