#I did not think I'd have time

[kazimakuwabara]

Knit

Summary: A demon out for Hiei's life finds himself at the mercy of one... old, knitting, man.

***

When Tallo burst into the front of the human shrine, he had been expecting many sights, but not the one he was greeted with.

He had expected to find Hiei, who he had tracked here, and engage with him in battle. If he could kill him, he would present his head to that damned Mukuro. Perhaps the shock of her general's head would make her easier to kill. If not Hiei, Tallo has expected at least some meandering humans. Didn't humans visit temples like these? If there were humans, he was going to eat his fill, and face Hiei with a full stomach, and fully charged reserves.

Instead, the sight that waited for him, was an elder human in a soft powder blue sweater, with fly-away white hair, and large glasses.

The human was knitting, or maybe it was crocheting. Tallo wasn't one to be able to tell which thing he was doing... but the human was sitting on the porch of his temple, his eyes cast down as he worked on weaving some purple and gray yarns together. A long stretch of silence passed between the two, Tallo waiting for some sort of reaction, and the human just... quietly sitting there. Not caring for Tallo's presence.

Tallo opened his mouth to speak, but the human heaved a dramatic sigh, "Damn! This is so fussy!"

"Human-"

"Don't shout!" the old man interrupted again, "I know you're there. But I was trying to get this done before I had to deal with you." The elder set down his knitted things, and flexed old boney fingers that were surprisingly steady.

"The scarf is becoming triangular... I'll have to ask Kurama where I messed up... he'll know. He's better at knitting than me," the human announced, lifting up his other hand and flexing his fingers.

Tallo took a step forward, his hackles raised, and his teeth bared as he prepared to roar at the foolish old pest who didn't seem bothered by him. But after that step, a ripple of intense energy poured out from the human. Like a slow heat, a wave of human Reiki washed over him, and Tallo winced at the might of it.

"You know I started crocheting first, but I thought I'd try knitting. I don't get why I'm struggling more with it. I began to practice to help keep my hands limber and steady... it's good if you're a doctor you know," the human rambled.

The bespectacled man looked at Tallo, his eyes slightly obscured behind his glasses, "Not that I'm sure you care for that. But I'm sure you'd like to know, you've stepped into my territory... and you can't leave until I let you. This is my space... and there are rules within it."

A chill was running up and down Tallo's spine as the human's aura continued to spike. He needed to get out of here... or at least he needed to step back, and give himself room to charge. Tallo took a step backward, and the human smiled, his sagging flesh stretching with his grin.

"Ah... gotcha."

The human's hands, still flexing in front of him glowed, and too late Tallo realized around every finger was a thread of energy. The thread stretched out, all the way to Tallo, to just beneath his feet. And beneath his feet was a loosely knit weave of Reiki. The human closed his hands into fists, and tugged.

The net at his feet closed around Tallo, and he screamed as he was hauled off his feet. At first, he struggled, but the thread cut too easily through him as he moved. He lost a few fingers, and half a foot before he had enough sense to stop. With effort, he remained still, caught and helpless within a glowing orange net of Reiki that was biting into him like the sharpest of blades.

Breathing hard, the old man approached Tallo, staring at him with a scolding look. Like he was a child.

"What is this?!" Tallo demanded, recoiling at the own terror in his voice.

"Well, this is a trap," the elder explained, shrugging a little. "A friend of mine warned me he planned to lead you through here so I could finish you off. You're a small fry he doesn't have time for."

Tallo felt a consuming rage burn like acid in his stomach, "I, am a small fry?! I, the breaker of human spirits? The terror to even demons! I am Tallo, the one who will be the next king of Makai, and with my kingship, I'll end pathetic little lives like yours!"

The old man grinned, suddenly looking boyish as he stifled a chuckle, "You? The next king? Please. You're not even in my league. Well... anyway. Goodbye. I promise it's quick. I don't like to make others suffer."

"Wait!" Tallo shrieked as the old man raised his fists, "Who the hell even are you!?"

"Kazuma Kuwabara," the elder answered patiently, "Someone before your time. Goodbye."

He pulled his hands over his shoulders, and as Kuwabara promised, it was quick. Tallo was gone before he was aware of pain.

As a mess slopped on the ground, Kuwabara released his threads of energy. It was a nice little trick... his own special ability he'd figured out some thirty years ago. He shuddered and tutted at the pile of Tallo on the ground, "Diced meat. Gross."

Tucking his hands behind his back, Kuwabara stared at the bloody mess for a few seconds longer and shook his head. Perhaps if could make the net, while also slicing up another dimension with his Jigen To, he wouldn't have to worry about cleanup. Maybe he could test that at another time. Turning over his shoulder he called out, "Hiei... will you clean this up? I'm too old to do this!"

Hiei appeared, flitting in front of Kuwabara like a shadow. Hiei smirked a little, "Your spiritual awareness is as good as ever I see... you knew I was here."

"Of course! Only my hearing is going, thank you very much!" Kuwabara sniffed, nose stuck in the air.

Hiei pointed at Kuwabara's glasses without a word.

"...Okay so my eyes are bad too. Be a friend, and help with this mess!" Kuwabara pleaded, his voice pitched in a way that made Hiei remember a young teen in a blue school uniform.

"You took care of the nuisance for me, so fine. Though you should just get a dog. Or a demonic beast. They could clean up the scraps," Hiei advised.

Kuwabara turned back towards the shrine calling over his shoulder, "If it's not a cat, I don't want it!"

"What are you knitting anyway?" Hiei asked, fire curling around his arm as he prepared to obliterate what was left of Tallo into ashes.

Kuwabara picked up his knitting, and held up a long stretch of woven together black and purple yarn. Kuwabara smiled, "A scarf. For you... But I think I missed a row."

Hiei wrinkled his nose and muttered, "If you think I'll wear that..."

"Oh, you will, spiteful little thing! You will!" Kuwabara grumbled, and then sat back down on the porch to resume his knitting.

End

[composeregg]

edit (10/23/2024) now that the poll is over: Original version, with 10 questions, from April 2023 here

And, given that the original is from April 2023, that means I can very easily say:

No, this was not an ISAT reference!

Just because I use parentheses and 2nd person pov and love the same concepts of what a time loop can do to a person doesn't mean it's ISAT

(Yes, I like ISAT, the original poll is why I was recommended the game! But if you look at the original, you can see all the origins of the options to choose from, including what spurred me on with the moss option from the replies)

If I were going to make something for ISAT, I would never be so vague, you can simply look at my ao3 for proof of that

[irenespring]

Today I would like to shout out that one random Twitter person who made up that JD Vance bragged about fucking a couch.

Imagine making a random shitpost and less than two months later your joke is being used by a major party nominee for Vice President on live television at his introduction rally, earning him thunderous applause.

That poster must be having quite the experience.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The indescribable tension between an overworked and underpaid smut writer, and his biggest fan hater.

(for @frummpets)

[brainrotcharacters]

makes me giggle to think of X2 Logan meeting dp&w Logan when this is a thing

[demigods-posts]

me personally. i wouldn't have gone after all the olympians at once. you're biting off more than you can chew here. all you would need to do is take each olympian out one by one. and then convince demigods that once enough people stop believing in a diety, that diety ceases to exist. which is not a lie. and you could use the death of pan to back yourself up. sure, you'd be in it for the long haul. but chess isn't meant to be a quick game.

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts Union χ - Daybreak Town

[baejax-the-great]

If I were a writer at a big game company working on a sequel to a beloved series and the higher ups kept telling me to make the game shittier and kept sending my work back to me to be dumbed down even further somehow, and then once most of the writing was done they laid me and my coworkers off illegally without severance, I'd probably gleefully watch as people trashed the shitty game that shipped.

[evercelle]

2024 art summary! it sure has been a year

[bunnieswithknives]

hey in ur peri animatic: (https://youtu.be/OCqlRuDaXYU?si=K52WDu_vw9rg7chz) that I have been permanently obsessed over since today and have watched about 20 times by now so much that I have drawn & posted stuff based on it what was that partial bug form peri had?

I haven’t watched either of the show btw so if it’s explained in the show please tell me plsssss

OK, SO the bug thing is not technically canon to the series. It's based on my own headcanons for fairy biology, but i do have justifications for it!! Fairies have very strong shape-shifting abilities, so it would make sense that the form they show to humans isn't necessarily their true form(not to mention extreme that mimicry is very common in insects). And you want to know the visible traits almost every fairy has in common? Being very small with Insect-like wings.

The fact that their humanoid form isn't their true form in actually confirmed in the show! Cosmo and Wanda are revealed to look like biblically accurate pseudo-angels in the museum episode. (I say pseudo angels because the Flaming Sword of Eden is only debatably sentient and I don't think is considered an angel. Ophanim are also debatably not angels because they don't have wings (sorry for the angel tangent I like angels))

So wouldn't their true forms be angelic then? Well, yes. But I like bugs so. Also I have more headcanons to justify myself. I like to think that they have both a true-true form (incomprehensible to the human brain, probably exists mostly in a dimension invisible to us, that looks how we imagine biblically accurate angels), and a fairy form (which is visible to humans but is naturally very insect like and tends to scare people). So, in order to interact with humans, they have to learn to shapeshift into a humanoid form but will occasionally slip if they get too relaxed/aren't careful, hence the mandibles coming out when he yawns!

The reason they struggle so much more with human forms than the animals or objects they typically turn into is that, well, they aren't trying to convince those animals or objects. The more human they try to look, the harder it is to keep up convincingly. If you turn into a really uncanny squirrel, only other squirrels will notice. If you turn into a really uncanny human, they form a lynch mob and burn you at the stake.

[yashley]

[royalarchivist]

Pac: Oh– [Stammers] Why– I have an Ender Flu? I'm shaking! Oh my god.

Tubbo: No, Pac! You've been impregnated! 😫

Pac: IMPREGNATED?!?! Wait, what? 😨

Fit: Oh god. [Laughs] That's a new one.

Tubbo: You're pregnant!

Pac: How?!

Tubbo: I can't believe preggers Pac is on the QSMP!

Pac: Oh my god, I'm so happy! [Laughs]

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

—

Tubbo: This is not what I want! I don't want this!!!

Fit: [Chuckles]

Pac: Oh– [Stammers] Why– I have an Ender Flu? I'm shaking! Oh my god.

Tubbo: No, Pac! You've been impregnated!

Pac: IMPREGNATED?!?! Wait, what?

Fit: Oh god. [Laughs]

Tubbo: You're pregnant!

Pac: How?!

Fit: That's a new one.

Tubbo: Uh oh, I'm about to– I'm about to not be alive much longer.

Pac: How– ahhh!!!! Wait, this is good? [Tubbo gets killed by a mob] Oh my god, Tubbo!

Tubbo: Guys? Preggers Pac, and Fit, help!

Pac: [Reading chat] "Congratulations"? Thanks guys, I didn't know, man! As always.

Fit: [Revives Tubbo] Alright, run! Ok, you're good.

Tubbo: We got his ass!

Pac: Wait, wait– What does it mean like, I'm pregnant? I'm gonna have babies?

Tubbo: It means you're gonna give birth to a beautiful– a beautiful plethora of children!

Pac: Oh my god, not– [unintelligible]

Tubbo: [Still ranting] Merciful, wonderful babies! Babies! Innocent babies will-

Fit: [Laughs] Yeah, what he said.

Tubbo: –will splurt out of you!

Pac: Oh my god. I think I saw like, Foolish having birth the other day, so I–

Fit: [Fighting a mob] Not this thing again!

Pac: Oh my god.

Tubbo: I can't believe preggers Pac is on the QSMP!

Pac: Oh my god, I'm so happy! [Laughs]

Fit: [Laughs]

Tubbo: It's gonna be such a magical time for you!

Pac: Yeah, oh my god, I have been like, dreaming for–

Tubbo: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. What do you– have you got any names? What are you gonna name it?

Pac: I'm probably gonna name it "Elton" and "John" if I have like, two.

Tubbo: Ohhh! What a beautiful name!

[aappleslice]

Anger

[screwpinecaprice]

Some warm up connverse

[starflungwaddledee]

some rather strong first impressions were made.

required reading for the magical "voice" headcanon and another for starstruck's signature in particular. asked by @trainerbob23 !

[shalom-iamcominghome]

My jewish community, friends, rabbi, and educators: We are very invested in helping you be jewish. Do you want to help read the haftarah? Here's a chanukiah! You can have it!! Borrow these books! Here's some books! You need more books... Come to pesach! Come to the chanukah party! When are your classes done? We need a minyan for once!

Me and my 50000 IQ: What if I am Secretly Appropriating judaism? What if I am doing a Cultural Appropriation........