#I did a lot of thinking about this and rewrote it like ten times

[anna1306]

The Gone Prince

Daemon Targaryen x brother!Targaryen Reader

I know it has been a long, long, looooong time. I am so sorry for keeping you waiting on that. I am going to return to writing, more or less. can't promise to return to posting every single day, as I did before, but I am going to return to writing and posting. It has been a long time of depressed time, disorganised time and simple no strength time. This part I wrote and rewrote two or three times and I hope you will like what I come up with in the end. Love you all)

Part 1 here

Princess' chambers were big and full of light. It reminded you of quarters of your grandmother, always warm and welcoming to her family. You were sitting there on the sofa, speaking with your niece for the last ten minutes or so. You didn't want anyone to eavesdrop on your conversation, so you approached her later, not during the feast. After that same feast Viserys insisted that Rhaenyra and her family stay in the Red Keep for at least a week or maybe even longer, not wishing for his pregnant daughter to endure two big travels in a row. Also... You had to wait for Daemon to leave her alone. He wouldn't let you talk calmly to each other, not after all these years, you just knew it.

"If the King asked for you, I am glad to have you here." Rhaenyra said, as you noticed hint of coldness in her eyes, probably brought by Daemon's opinion, which he, no doubt, generously shared with his wife. You only smiled in response. You could understand why she didn't trust you fully. And it definitely didn't hurt that much. At least not like it did with your brother.

"You sound just like her, it is crazy." You said quietly. She looked at you confusedly, not understanding your words fully. "Like Aemma." Her expression softened at your words, as her hand came to rest on her rounded belly. "I am sure she is proud of you, watching you from the other side."

"I can only hope so... She never mentioned you, now that I think of it." Princess said. You shrugged, trying to stay calm and nonchalant about it.

"Not many people here did." You tried to hide your feelings behind a smile, something you learned to do long time ago. "I remember her mostly from our childhood. How Viserys was madly in love with her. He often made a fool out of himself and was so scared she would reject him. And Aemma only laughed and smiled at him with so much kindness in her eyes... One time he tried to graciously ride in front of her on the horse to show her that he is a good rider. Poor animal got scared of something and sent him flying face flat on the ground. He was so red in the face, but didn't say a word, I thought he would burst with embarrassment." Rhaenyra laughed, imagining her father at the scene, as you watched her attentively with a little smile on your face.

"I can imagine how amusing that was." She agreed. You nodded, looking away from her, knowing that she was still watching you closely. "Did the King say why he called you back after all those years?"

"To help him. Viserys is... Full of many feelings and guilt is one of them. Guilt for a lot of things, which I am finding out only now. That is one of the reasons I wanted to speak with you." You looked back at her, meeting her gaze. "He wants me to mend the rift in his family." Her smile faded a bit, as she lowered her eyes on her belly. Rhaenyra understood perfectly well what were you talking about without you having to pronounce it. "I was told you were friends with the Queen Consort once, weren't you?"

"It was years ago. I feel like it was the other life." She answered with a sad smile. Rhaenyra looked at you again, her expression once again calm and stoic, almost rid of all emotions. "I once knew a girl, my friend, who was kind, honest, supportive and who looked at bright side of things, who was romantic and hopeful. Now Alicent is different, full of..."

"Spite?" You suggested. The woman nodded slowly, almost unsurely. You sighed, having a strong feeling your emotions about losing someone that close to oneself could be similar in some way. "Tell me, do you think there can be a slight possibility of you getting back to being friends? Or at least... Not at each other's throats?"

"I don't think so. There were many things between us, to lead me to Dragonstone and out of any possibility of mending this. You probably heard about what had happened in Driftmark. She... The Queen showed everyone her true colours. Her true thoughts and intentions behind this righteous facade."

"Lucerys severely wounded her son, I can understand her rage and wish for justice to some extent. Not 'eye for the eye', but still." You argued with her.

"Her son is spewing lies. Both of them. She placed traitorous lies in their minds, spreading rumours about me, about my sons! All of them are just..." She hissed suddenly, grasping her belly and closing her eyes, almost wincing in pain. You shot up from your place immediately, ready to go for help, but Rhaenyra stopped you with a motion of a hand. "I'm fine... Just... Daemon's child is really active." She smiled tiredly, as you clutched your goblet with wine in your hand, distracting yourself from your thoughts with a drink. "Nonetheless... I am not sure there is a way to get through to her." Princess said calmer now.

"If there was a way... A possibility of bringing back this peace, if not friendship. Would you be willing to put the bitter past to rest?" You asked, sitting back on the sofa. Rhaenyra didn't say anything for some time, your words hanging in the air. She diverted her attention from you, watching her maids serving breakfast on the table, long silence surrounding both of you.

"In ideal world... I guess I would want that." She admitted quietly. You smiled to her a bit, nursing wine in the goblet. "She was my friend once, the closest person in this Keep. But what she and her father did..."

"Yes, men like Otto, can influence even the dust to hate the wind." You scoffed, agreeing with her. After seeing what was going on in the Keep, you understood that one of the main roots of problems was the King's Hand. Yes, he helped the King to rule the realms, almost ruling them himself from time to time instead of sick Viserys, but he pursued his own goals first and foremost. You could understand ambitions, it was explainable, but your priorities in this matter were different.

"Alicent isn't innocent. She willingly ate those lies and now she is a spitting image of Otto..." Rhaenyra made a pause, sighing, as she looked at you. "Alicent has that thought that my children aren't... Trueborn. She spreads this rumours everywhere, you know it." You nodded, hearing these rumours already. You had your doubts about it too, but didn't care much, they were children of your niece, that was all you needed to know about their parentage. "Every time I gave birth, she demanded I present my child to her immediately after. She isn't such an innocent girl she claims to be." Your gaze hardened at the realisation. You put away your goblet and looked at Rhaenyra seriously.

"If she orders that you should present your child like this again, don't even move from the bed. I will be near and I will deal with it myself." You promised her. "She can come to you herself if she wishes to see the child so much. And if she doesn't understand why her request is wrong, I will explain it to her personally." You answered her with determination. Princess smiled at you slightly and moved to stand. You helped her up and stepped away from her. "I better give you some space. If I can do anything for you, tell me. And just... Think about possibility of it. Just try..."

"I probably will... Thank you. I appreciate the talk." She nodded, looking at her. While you could see that she still didn't trust you completely, at least you two talked calmly and discussed matters at hand. Just as you were about to leave, the door opened. Daemon walked in, and the air left your lungs at the sight of his figure lightened in the sunlight coming from the windows. His eyes met yours and what little softness he had, instantly turned to coldness and distaste in a second.

"You?" He only said in disgust.

"Me.” You nodded with a sigh. “I am leaving already. Have a good day." You smiled softly at your niece before heading out, not wishing for your brother to get angry at your presence near his wife. He could hate you from the distance, you thought. You could handle it… Even though you were too sober for his hate not to hurt.

***

"It was great!" Jacaerys was almost jumping in his steps excitedly, as he walked a little bit ahead of you. You smiled, taking off your gloves still hearing three loud growls of your dragonbehind you both.

"I am glad you like the ride. They liked you too, little prince." How could you say no to those eyes, when he asked if he could fly with you on your dragon. You understood him, as they were rarity, the first three-headed dragon known to Targaryen House, at least according to the known records.

"Is controlling him different? Different from ours, I mean." He turned to you with a curious look. You shrugged, contemplating your answer.

"You tell me, I only flew on them." His excitement about the new dragon was big. So of course he was curious as to whether or not it was similar to the flight on the one-headed dragon. Vermax wasn't big enough yet, but he flew with his mother already. And you flew on Vhagar with your father or on Caraxes with Daemon too long ago to remember it correctly, so you couldn't really draw the comparison.

"You sure they wouldn't drop me?" Daemon was hesitant, standing several steps behind you, as you petted one of the long necks of your dragon. You turned to him, raising your brow.

"Don't tell me you are afraid." You smirked at your brother teasingly, watching his expression hardening.

"I am never afraid. Not of the dragons, I am a dragon myself!" He exclaimed, earning growl from one of the heads in response. "I just don't know how it would be." Daemon said quieter, glancing between them and you. You smiled, offering him your hand.

"Nuhys zaldrīzes(my dragon), do not fret. You said it yourself, you are a dragon, as they are." He smirked more relaxed, giving you his hand. You pulled him closer, placing his palm near yours. "See?"

"I know what dragons are to the touch, dummy." He scoffed, petting your dragon. You glanced around, making sure noone was there to witness it and kissed him on the cheek. "Hey!"

"Let's go, I want to kiss you in the sky." You smiled at him, grabbing his hand and tugging him to the side of your dragon, to the saddle, hearing his chuckle, as he didn't struggle against your grip one bit.

"I will be next!" Baela’s voice distracted you from your memories. You looked at the excited girl with a little smile. She was eager to fly with you too, but let Jace go first. You nodded to her, knowing that your dragon didn't mind flying several times in a row.

"You sure?" She eagerly nodded at your question. You glanced at her sister, standing beside her, her expression more serious though. "And you, Rhaena?"

"No." She snapped back, almost aggressively. You were a bit taken aback, and even if you didn't want to press her into saying anything else, you still looked at her, contemplating your next words. She glanced at you, noticing your stare and seemingly understanding that she was rude. Under your attentive, but soft eyes she shifted on her spot unsurely and pursed her lips in a thin line. "You cursed us." Rhaena finally said quietly.

"Sorry, what? I cursed you?" You chuckled, not expecting this answer at all. You crouched on the ground to be even with her height and look in her eyes. "What makes you say that, ñuhys bykus embōñys dārilaros(my little sea princess)?" You asked her. She wasn't confident anymore, glancing at her sister, who remained silent, as you talked. You patiently waited.

"Father said you cursed us. Your dragon has three heads which you stole from other dragons. That's why I don't have a dragon." She answered finally, as your heart tingled with pain once again. Strange... And you thought this pain was constant and couldn’t be that prominent anymore. You scoffed in disbelief. Daemon said you cursed their family? His silver tongue and sarcastic side definitely grew over the years. He was more like your father than you thought. You sighed, lowering your head, gathering thoughts of what to say to her.

"Maybe I did. But only because I want to strengthen you. They hatched in my cradle. I never tried to tame anyone and work for success." You carefully said, looking at wary Rhaena again. "I never tried hard to find a dragon and bond with him, make him respect me and listen to me. But you are going to be stronger than me. Like your mother and father one day you are going to tame the strong, mighty dragon. You are going to be more powerful than me, the one who cursed you."

"You are only telling me this, so I won't be mad." She mumbled, but you could tell that she was more at ease with you now.

"Maybe yes. Maybe no. Who knows." You shrugged with a smile, standing up. You gave her your hand. "Come on. They can fit us three. Maybe one of them is the one I stole from you, and he would like you more than me." Rhaena hesitated, looking at you with her eyes, so familiar to you. You could almost see shy Daemon in his childhood… She took your hand nonetheless, still wary, but more trusting you now, as Baela took your other hand with a smile, herself, brave like Daemon. For some reason you felt in peace with yourself at this moment.

***

"You got your mother worried, you know?" You sighed, noticing the boy with an eyepatch sitting under the tree in the Godswood with barely any light around, night dark sky looming over the city already. Aemond looked up at you and turned away from you instantly. You sighed, walking closer to him. While you didn't trust his grandsire and mother fully, the children weren't at fault. They were your nephews and niece, no matter the other blood. "What are you doing here? It is dark already."

"And? I am not a little kid, I can defend myself." He snapped at you, glaring angrily with his one eye at something in the dark. You sat near him, not really caring for his discomfort in the matter. From what you had seen, he was just not used to physical affection, but you didn't reach out for him, you just... Were there.

"I know that. But running away from the castle just because your nephews are there, isn't very brave." You answered almost in a thoughtful voice. He grumbled something in return that you couldn't quite understand. You glanced at him with soft smile. "You can't hide forever."

"They weren't punished! That dick... Sorry." He mumbled, losing his fight after one swear word, apparently being scolded for it beforehand. You only shrugged at this.

"Lucerys did a bad thing. I guess you can say he was kind of a dick that day." Aemond scoffed at this, his shoulders relaxing a bit. "But he's just a child. Like you are. And he tried to protect his family."

"I was maimed!" Aemond exclaimed, tones of Alicent's intonation and voice coming through his childish one. "He cut out my eye, and they were entitled enough to not carry any punishment!"

"Let me tell you something, and I want you to listen to me and hear me out, alright?" You asked him, as Aemond nodded gloomily and almost hesitantly, still being very angry. "If you held a stone over my brother's head, threatening to hit him in the head with it, threatening to kill him, calling him names and telling him that he was going to die screaming, I wouldn't cut your eye out. I would cut your throat."

"That..."

"Would you not protect... Helaena? Or your mother?” You continued with your point. “If someone would have tried to hit them with a stone, insulting and threatening them. If you had a weapon, what would you have done?" You looked at him, as the boy lowered his head, seemingly contemplating your words. He wasn't presented with the other point of view, it seemed.

"I... I would kill those who dared to hurt my family." He sighed defeatedly. You smiled sympathetically

"Aemond, I am not glad that Lucerys went unpunished. He should have gotten at least some kind of retaliation for what he did. Like serving some other House for some time as a ward, or I don't know, limitation of his dragon’s lessons, this is a bad punishment enough for his age. But not carving his eye or killing him. That wouldn't return yours." You pretended you didn't notice Aemond moving closer to you. You just let him be comfortable and at peace with himself.

"But that would bring me satisfaction. That would be fair." He still mumbled. You sighed and smiled slightly, looking at your nephew.

"You would become a great warrior one day, Aemond. Yes, even with one eye, believe me. You have one of the greatest dragons, you have dragon blood and very fiery heart. But one thing that a warrior should know – is when and where to stop. Not becoming unhinged monster to scare little children. But to be a good fighter, a hero they will write songs about."

"Like your father? Prince Baelon The Brave?" You shivered and stopped at this question. Looking at a child beside you, you didn't see him. You almost fell into your memory, where violet eyes were enraged. Brave was the prince who exiled his own son, not accepting anything about him. Brave was the prince who threatened to kill innocent people who just helped his son in his attempts to reach out to his own family. Brave was the prince who called his own son a leech and a taint on their reputation.

"Yes. Like him." You forced a smile and a calm tone. Looking away, you tried to calm yourself. Your father was long gone, but your heart and fear of him showing up behind any corner, was very much present. Irrational and illogical, almost childish. But it still lived inside your soul. "What do you say, should we go inside?" You offered.

"They are still there." He scowled at the thought of going back to his nephews.

"Why don't you try and... Befriend them again? I know you were close with Lucerys before." You noticed, as Aemond scoffed and looked to the side, seemingly angry again in mere second.

"He maimed me. I don't want to be his friend!" He said sternly, but you heard more behind child’s anger.

"Do you miss him?" He looked at you angrily, but sighed, his eye more pained than enraged.

"No!" Boy exclaimed, looking away and almost pouting. He sighed heavily, lowering his head and mumbling under his nose. "He was closer to being my friend though. Even if he teased me for being dragonless, he wasn’t like Aegon or Jace. But he cut out my eye! I hate him!" He added louder. You sighed, taking his hand into yours, choosing your words carefully.

"I miss one person too, you know... A lot. I would give anything to return to that person. And I know they are missing me as well to some extent. But they hate me. It is a strange balance." You started. "I hated them too once. I did horrible things because of them. I lied in their name. I even killed some people in their name. I framed people, I broke laws and all just because of their wish. I made everything they wanted of me." You told the boy quietly, holding his hand, but looking into the darkness of the garden thoughtfully. "My life was destroyed because of them. I was gone because of them. I lost everything because of them." You chose your words carefully, remembering everything that was happening so long ago, it felt as another life altogether.

The commotion from the Throne Room was heard well even in the hallways. You carefully stepped to the door, watching at the events inside quietly and silently. The Lord before the Iron Throne pleaded his innocence, but your father, Prince Baelon appointed to lead this trial, wasn’t going to listen. You stepped aside, when guards were dragging the lord out of the Throne Room through the door you were standing at. When they walked out of the Throne Room, you looked at them.

“What is going on here?” You asked them, feigning innocence. Guards bowed their head slightly to you.

“This Lord was accused of stealing a dragon egg. Prince Baelon sentenced the thief to thelife on the Wall.” One of the guards said. You nodded looking at the panicking and horrified lord, who looked down, seemingly not noticing you.

“That is a fair sentence. That would teach him to keep his mouth shut and not jump over his head, trying to take what is not his.” You said coldly. Lord suddenly shivered and looked up at you, as if suddenly realizing something.

“You… It was you… Let me go!” Lord screamed, trying to get out of guards hands and get to you. You just stepped to the side, letting knights drag the screaming lord away. Familiar footsteps coming from behind, you met with a slight smile.

“Was it the Lord, who saw us and tried to…” Daemon started.

“To threaten you, yes.” You nodded and glanced at your brother. “He is going to the Wall. And don’t ask what I did. Because the answer is nothing.” You walked beside him, slightly touching his shoulder. It was hard to convince servants to place a dragon egg in his rooms, but in the end it was all worth it.

"Do you hate them, uncle?" Aemond asked curiously, looking at you. You glanced at him, almost flinching, as if remembering he was still there. You smiled slightly and put a hand on his hair, caressing his white hair.

"I do to some extent. But I would die for them in an instant. I would kill and do everything I had done for them all over again." You answered him with a sad smile. "I hate them, as they hate me. But I love them at the same time. And I would get destroyed and crushed again for that person. It is... A weird balance."

"Can you... Teach me how to find this... Hate and love?" Prince asked quietly. You nodded.

"Yes, but not here. And definitely not in one day. It's getting cold and you can get sick. You wouldn't want to fall sick and miss our flight tomorrow?" You winked at him, as Aemond nodded with a smile.

"Let's go! I want to hear about that person!" He stood up, waited for you to stand as well and only after that he went to the castle with fast pace. Even being close and quiet child, he was still a kid. You looked at his back, missing the fact that a dark shadow from behind the bushes watched and heard your talk.

***

The flames of candles danced around the dark room. Skull of Balerion brought back memories to you, both of pleasant times and not much. Your life had changed, everything changed. And the family you were supposed to change with, wasn't the one you remembered anymore. Yet you still sought out comfort in this place.

You sighed, turning away from the skull as you heard steps behind you. As you assumed, that was Daemon. Over the years his footsteps became quieter, but still he was too familiar for you not to recognize him. His look was wary, he was tensed up as his hand rested on the hilt of the dagger on his belt.

"You chose a good place for a murder, almost poetic." You noted. Daemon scoffed.

"Don't tempt me." You could argue with him that temptation was more of his job in many ways, but you chose to stay silent on the matter.

"If you don't wish to kill me, I am at a loss of why are you here." You said to him, being pretty honest.

"I wanted to talk to you." He said, stepping to you. You smiled, shaking your head and refusing to admit even to yourself how much this single step made your heart shiver.

"Talk to me? It isn't your usual way. I think you better prefer not to speak with me at all or kill me. Or at least avoid me." You admitted, turning to the skull and igniting the candles, just to get yourself busy with something. "What do you want?"

"Where does the lie end and the truth starts?" He asked in response. You hummed in surprise, definitely not expecting such a question first.

"Such deep thoughts. Why so suddenly?" You heard another step, but you only raised your eyes to look at the skull of mighty beast. You wouldn't dare to fight your own death after all this time if it came to this. You wouldn't dare to fight him ever.

"We are surrounded by half-truths, lies and intrigues. You can fully trust noone and nothing. Tell me, nuha lēkia(my elder brother), how much did you lie?" You glanced across the shoulder at your brother. He was serious, his eyes were fixated on you, but there was something deeper inside him. You shrugged, looking at the fire on the end of a splinter with which you lighted the candles.

"Like many people, nuhor valonqar(my younger brother). A lot." You answered, not understanding why he was talking with you like that. He couldn't possibly know the truth, could he? You didn't tell anyone and made sure to be careful about it. And your father was too… Careful to not leave any trace of what had happened that day.

"I know that. You lied that you love me." He accused you, making you glance at him. "You lied that you will never leave me. You lied that you will protect me." His jaw tensed, and you were sure that this would be the end. Him accusing you of everything and you just accepting it. He probably just wanted to accuse you and be done with it. Suddenly, Daemon raised his head, narrowing his eyes, but not taking them away from your figure. "But I'm not here to tell you about those lies. I want to hear another one."

"You want me... To lie to you?" You laughed quietly, looking at Daemon in surprise. He was silent for a moment, before nodding, strangely serious about it.

"Let's play a game. Lie to me.” He repeated firmer, his hard eyes not changing, as he glared at you. “What did you say to my daughters?" Daemon asked. You raised your brows, not understanding what he was doing.

"What?"

"Lie to me about the things you said to Rhaena." He repeated, stepping closer. You sighed, mirroring this step to the side, keeping the same distance between you two, pretending you were just igniting the candles. Daemon was playing some game of which you knew nothing and wanted you to participate in it as well. And yet you let him have this moment.

"Let's see... I told her about how I cursed our family and how I'm going to make sure that she would stay dragonless." You spoke slowly, unsure smile creeping on your face. At the very least you could have some kind of fun.

"What did you say to Rhaenyra, when I interrupted you that morning?" He insisted, his step echoing through the high arches of the ceiling again.

"That she needs to end Alicent and her children once and for all, no matter the consequences." You simply breathed out, not even turning to him.

"What did you do when Rhaenys was promised to Corlys?" You giggled, remembering what happened such a long time ago. Honestly you were surprised that he remembered that.

"Nothing, I stayed at the Red Keep, not going anywhere." You answered, once again lying, remembering how you sneaked upon their ship, to say goodbye to your favourite cousin of all. Baelon scolded you, when you were returned back to the Red Keep, and Daemon didn't let you go for a week, afraid you would disappear from him again.

"What were you talking about with Aemond?" Another step along with the words. You scoffed, igniting another candle, looking at the flames.

"How he should hate Lucerys and wish him nothing but death." The game was weirdly funny, it almost made you forgot about everything that was brewing between you. Lies flew from your tongue before you could even process it.

"Why did you leave for Braavos?"

"Because I wanted to." You blurted out a lie before realising it. For a moment you froze, slowly turning around. There you saw Daemon barely a step away from you. His eyes became tense, dark violet, as he watched your face after you repeated a lie known to everyone in this game, where you should have lied. "I hate you."

"I didn't ask you to lie about your feelings." He retorted coldly, stepping to you, as you stepped away, your throat dry all of a sudden. "Enough lies. What happened?"

"Nothing." You shook your head and sighed. You wanted him know the truth, yet you also knew that it didn't matter anymore. Not with his family, not after all those years. It would only complicate things. "Daemon, you better go. Just continue hating me, this would be… Right."

"I said, enough lies." He crossed what little distance you had between you, backing you to the candles. Daemon grabbed you by the clothes, watching closely your face. Your heart beat like mad at the mere presence of your brother near you. "What happened?"

"Daemon..."

"What had happened that morning you left? Tell me the truth!" He demanded, his eyes boring into your soul. "I won't let you go before you say. I deserve the truth after your betrayal, after your lies and all the harm and pain you caused me..."

"He saw us!" You exclaimed, having had enough. Your feelings were overwhelming you to the point of just not caring about the consequences. "Our father saw us. He saw you on your knees, saw me in your bed, he saw everything."

"What?" His grip on you lessened, his face frozen with shock and still that angry expression. Yet you made no move to free yourself from his grip.

"He saw us. He learned the truth. And he was so mad at me for... How did he say? Right... "Corrupting you". So enraged hat he just threw me out of the Keep." You blurted out in one breath.

"You lie. If he... He would have punished me as well. Why didn't he punish me, why didn't you write anything to explain anything?" His voice was raising as well, mirroring yours.

"You still don't understand? You were his favourite. Not Viserys even if he was the eldest. Not me even if I listened to him always. You. Mother loved you the most, father adored you. He couldn't comprehend that you could lay with a man willingly. If I was some common whore or even a sister of yours, he wouldn't have batted an eye, but I am a man. And I can't want you, as it's a sin. As I am corrupting and tainting you with mere thought of it, let alone a touch. Putting a disgrace on your name. It was easier for him to believe I made you do this. Easier to hate one son and threaten to kill every person that brought my letters to the Keep. Easier to send dead ravens and tell his own son that he would be burned alive if he even dared to show his face again at his home." You couldn't stop words pouring from your mouth, you were silent for far too long and that pain had never left.

"No..." Daemon shook his head, seemingly not wanting to listen to you anymore, but at this point you had little to no care about his wish.

"And I knew he would be furious if I admit that you were the one to come to me. It would have killed him. And if not... He would have destroyed your life as well. And I lied, yes, I lied, I took it upon myself. I destroyed my life for you. I destroyed my life because of you, Daemon!" You raised your voice at him. He looked enraged and shocked, almost feral in the light of candles.

"Shut up!" He pushed you harshly back. You stumbled to the skull, the impact making you fall onto some candles and hitting your head against an old bone in your fall. You cursed quietly, feeling something sticky on your face. For several moments you layed on the floor, not moving, fighting with the headache and shock. Slowly you sat, grunting, warm wax sliding from under your hands. Your lip was split, as you could feel, and according to some stickiness on your temple, there was at least a gash on your forehead.

You looked up at him, his face not cold anymore, but full of many different emotions. Anger, sadness, fear. You groaned, trying to move. Leaning onto the skull, you carefully stood up, giving yourself a second of rest.

"Y/N, listen, I..."

"You are the Rogue Prince, future King or Prince Consort, King of the Narrow Sea, previous commander of the Gold Cloaks, husband to the heir of the throne and father of her future children." You stated in resignated tone, glancing at his frozen form. "I am the Gone Prince, who spent most of his life in Braavos. I am noone and nothing, with no lands or wealth. I am a leech, who taints the house reputation just by thinking of you. I am father's disgrace." You tried to straighten your back, but sudden nausea hit you, and you bent over, leaning onto the skull once again. "And I am here to help Viserys. Don't dwell on the past, as it can't be returned." You forced yourself to smile and look at him. "Go back to hating me. It would be easier... For both of us." You breathed out, slowly walking away from the basement, Daemon not making a move to follow you.

***

The evening was busy. It seemed that every person in the Red Keep decided to visit you. Firstly, there were Rhaenyra, who was alerted that you asked for maesters. Next was Alicent, who decided to visit you, the atmosphere becoming tense between two women for a hot minute, but they kept their temporary peace. Next was the King. Viserys got really nervous about hearing the news of your wound. He demanded to know what happened and who did this. The answer was simple.

"I fell." You lied again, as the maester cleaned your wound and gave you advices on treatment. After all those people visited you, you were exhausted and confined to your chambers. Following maesters' orders, Viserys forbade you to go out at least for two days. You tried to tell him that it was just a scratch, and you just need a good sleep, but he was too worried. Too afraid to lose another family member, as it seemed. So you relented and just read through some of King's journals he gave you to better understand the situation in the court, occasionally writing something in your notes.

You heard the door opening and closing and some quiet steps. Sighing, you turned the page, not wanting to face the person who entered your room.

"I don't need anything, Jenny, you may go for the night." You said, not wishing to see anyone right now after all of the commotion and noise. Not after the conversation down at the skull...

"I must consider adding that name to the list of my titles." That wasn't your servant. You turned to look at the man, who entered your room. Daemon. Of course. Without his weapon, without his dark attire, in white simple shirt, almost looking like he was fresh out of bath. Boy, did it bring back memories.

"What are you doing here?" You asked, obviously confused. Daemon shrugged.

"Can't I visit my brother, who clumsily fell and hit his head?" He said, making you shake your head with a quiet sigh. "Y/N, we need to talk."

"We already talked. I don't have anything else to say to you, so you are wasting your time here." You turned back to the journal again. There was silence and for a second you thought Daemon would leave you alone. You should have known better. Suddenly there were haste steps, after which the journal was ripped from your hands. You looked up at him, his determined look pointed right back at you. "Dae..." He put a hand on your mouth, shutting you up and making you freeze at the sudden physical contact.

"No! You said you don't have anything to say, so I will be the one who does the talking." He stated sternly, looking in your eyes. You slapped away his hand, but said nothing in response. Daemon sighed, still standing in front of you. "If what you have told me is truth, I didn't know it. Let me finish!" He interrupted you, as you tried to say something. "All these years I blamed you for leaving me without a word. Without a letter or explanation. I... I thought you did something for me again, that was noticed and made you guilty. I thought father found out of what you did to protect me. Then I thought you found someone else, some young pretty boy who adored you more than I did. It was easier for me to hate you." He admitted, and your heart broke a bit at his words ad his expression. You wanted to forget about what had happened and just take him into your embrace and not let go of him. But you both were too far gone for that. And revelation of the truth did provoke this conversation, but it couldn't change everything else.

"It is still easier for both of us to stay away from each other." Daemon scoffed in response to those words, leaning on the table, looking down at you.

"You can't be serious, Y/N. I know the truth now, that it wasn't your wish to leave me. And you expect the hate from me?"

"What do you expect? Us going back to where we left things? You aren't ten and six anymore, Daemon. I am not ten and nine. You are a different person, that I know nothing about. Hell, you have a family and duties." You breathed out, trying to stay calm.

"But I don't have you. And I haven't had you all those years. I have changed, yes. You have changed as well, hell, maybe even more than I have. But the fact that I need my elder brother never changed, no matter how much I hated and despised this thought." Prince looked at you stubbornly. You shook your head, looking at the notes on your table, just not to look at him.

"We can't go back to what we had, Daemon. It is impossible. I can't be your lover. And I doubt I can be your friend after all these years. You are a different person, completely unknown to me."

"Then I don't see a problem with anything. We just start anew." He reached out to you, grabbing your chin, making you look at him, his eyes burning with fire and passion. You pursed your lips, trying to calm your heart that was beating out of your chest just from a single touch of his. You had to learn to control yourself near him all over again.

"What we had was a sin. We are brothers. Even if our blood doesn't stop us as our House has queer customs, we are men. It is viewed as a sin. I won't put your reputation under a hit. The ending will be the same, Daemon. Us parting ways. It was hurtful the first time, there is no need to return to that." You tried to sound convincing enough for both him and you, but his grip on your chin only tightened, as your words sparked him with anger.

"There is no sin in this. This is us. We are both dragons, our blood belong together. There is nothing more true in this world than us. And if it is a part of us, if it is the most real part of us, it can't be sin." Daemon said stubbornly, as you put your hand on his, gripping his wrist in attempt either to bring him back to his feelings or pull it away from you.

"It is. We are brothers and we can't do that. If I was a princess or you were one, everything could be different. But we are what we are and this is wrong.” You lowered your head, leaning back into the armchair. “Father might have been right. If the gods punished me and not helped me all this time, then I am a sinner and a leech."

"Where the fuck did you take all of this, you have never been religious!" Daemon spitted out, looking at you, as his brows furrowed. You just tried to push him away, with your words, with your actions, but he never budged, on the contrary becoming more and more persistent. "Or someone is telling you this? Who is this cunt that spread this nonsense to your head?" He demanded of you.

"Noone, Daemon. This is my thoughts." You breathed out, as the prince sat on your lap suddenly. He had become heavier with years for certain, trainings and battles made him stronger, and you couldn't help but feel the stomach-curling feeling of familiarity of his body against yours.

"You were never like this. You loved me. You loved my body. You didn't think of me as of something wrong." He stubbornly said, as you pressed yourself into the chair, trying to distance yourself from him, even if it wasn't physically possible. "And I know you still feel the same, I can see this in your eyes."

"You are not wrong. I am. I made you like this." You breathed out, putting hands on his shoulders, looking at his hard face. Your repeated your father's words just to get him to see the reason and step back. "Daemon, this is wrong. Please, I beg you, go back to your wife, to your family."

"You are my family. You are my blood. I want to be here with you now, not with them." Daemon stood his ground stubbornly. He didn't want to leave you apparently, but you couldn't have him risk it all again because of you, no matter how much you longed to hold him again in your embrace.

"I can't be the reason to hold you back. You loved them this morning more than anything. You hated me this morning. One conversation can't change that. You love Rhaenyra, you bled for her, you suffered for her, you long for her, you love her, not me and I can't..."

"All this time I was suffering for you. I wanted to forget you, believe me. I tried it all… Whores, wine, blood, killing, everything!" He cupped your face with his hands, looking intensely in your eyes. "I tried. Rhaenyra... She is good, she deserves love. And I love her. But she isn't you. It is different with you, and you know it. And if I had to choose, I would choose you every time."

Your heart clenched at the thought that he tried to forget you. His eyes were honest, and even after all those years away from him, you could always tell when he was telling the truth. He was sincere in his words at this moment. But you couldn't let him do that again. You didn't want pain for you, nor for him.

"Daemon, you are talking on emotions. You miss what we had once, but... Fuck, don't make this harder than it is." You pleaded with him, every reason to leave everything as it was fading in the face of his confidence and determination. You were losing this fight and couldn’t come up with any more reasons or words to convince him. To convince yourself.

"You are the one making it harder. Lēkia, you told me yourself once, we were born from one flame and blood. We were supposed to be together. I cried only for you, not one person saw my tears, because you are the only reason for them. I didn't mourn father, grandsire, Aemma, Laena, noone. I cried for noone but you. I need you in a way no word in Westerosi or Valyrian can describe. Now more than ever." He whispered, inching closer to your face, as something inside you was slowly breaking.

"Daemon..."

"Start with me anew. There is no reason for worry, I promise. All the time you stayed away, you protected me. You lied, you..." He scoffed, remembering your words he heard in the garden. "You destroyed your life for me. Let me now rebuild it."

"Daemon..." You touched his cheek, shuddering at the long forgotten feeling of his skin under your touch.

"Let me think for the both of us this time, Y/N." He squeezed your cheeks in his palms, looking in your eyes. "Let us sing dragon's song together again. Like we never stopped."

You breathed out, looking in his eyes. You saw anger, flames of indomitable passion dancing in his eyes, violet irises determined and fiery. He wouldn't step back. Even if he still felt some hate for you, even if he loved his family he had, you were something different for him. You were his centre, around which his world was turning. As he was your centre in return.

And you gravitated to your dragon, like always, leaning into him.

The Gone Prince Taglist: @wai-who @midnightprincess18 @fan-goddess @weird-addiction @rawinia @cannibalcoyote @cherry1a @darlinqvi @caelumwingstar @louventcavaliersx @parca0charos @azrealbanerstark @britany1997

[ilyrafe]

𝒂 𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒓 | 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑰𝑰 ✧ 𝒂. 𝒘.

pairing: august walker x f!reader

warnings: angst, heavy talk

word count: 1k

a/n: read sleepy, three words and a bleak and barren moor for context! sorry it took so long! i rewrote the whole thing!

taglist (i’m tagging the people who commented on the first part!): @summersong69 @alexlupij @identity2212 @shotgunbunny @rebelangel1102 @chrisevansismysworld​ @fluffonlyplease 

you dangle your foot anxiously as you wait for august in a hotel room. all your dates were a hotel room.

it’s been almost a week since that party. after much thought and reflection, you thought it would best to end whatever you have with august. you’re not happy about it, but you also know that it’s the best thing to do because at the end of the day, nothing but sex is going to happen on his part.

maybe if you and cassandra hadn’t met, you wouldn’t have that awareness. even if she is lying, you understood that being involved with someone like august is simply not good.

the most ironic thing is that he’s not even your type. how did you fall in love with someone you wouldn’t normally be interested in?

after only a week without august you realized that your life had started to revolve around him and his needs.

a bleak and barren moor. that’s how you feel about yourself.

that must be why you’re so nervous, because chances are this is just another “fun night”, and you’ll stick with him even though this is nothing more than a sex contract for him.

you don’t mean anything to him.

you’re so in your head, you don’t hear the door opening. it’s only when you feel his lips against the skin of your neck and his arms around you that you realize he’s there. you melt in his arms instantly.

“what a lovely surprise.”

indeed. it takes everything in you to free yourself from his grip, which makes him frown.

“uh... this is not why i called you here today.” you start, and your voice is already shaky. it’s impossible to contain your nervousness, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

as always, he is very well dressed. august doesn’t skimp on clothes. on nothing, actually. his clothes are expensive and of great quality, his cars are the best one out there, his shoes and watches cost fortunes. you are successful and have a few luxury items such as bags and jewelry, but you have to work a lot to afford them.

truth is, you will never be on the same level, and that saddens you, because deep down, you look for reasons to continue with him, and you never find one that is valid and plausible. you want to feel equal to him somehow, but the reality is that you both could not be more different and far apart.

when you look at him, everything you’ve heard about him and everything you think about everything goes out the window. the feeling of actually believing that you understand and know him behind the tough facade he puts on is very real, and it leaves you ten times more confused and regretful.

“so, why are we here?”

“i called you here to say that i don’t want to do this anymore.” you state, and august is still clueless. “i’m terminating this contract.”

saying those words don’t bring a sense of relief, at least not now. you can only feel like throwing up and crying. should’ve done this on the phone, you scold yourself.

“why are you saying this now?“

“it doesn’t matter.”

“no, it does matter. last week we were fine, until you left me-”

“there is no we. the contract states that if either party verbally expresses that they want to leave, the contract is automatically and effectively terminated. i’m expressing that i want out, so it’s over.”

august takes a step back, visibly intrigued and upset. you can nearly see the engines inside his head working, as he clearly tries to analyze you.

“is there someone else?”

oh, how you wish you had someone else. it would all be so much easier.

“this doesn’t concern you.”

“why are you acting like this, y/n? what did i do?”

you sigh as you sit on the bed, trying to avoid his gaze. it all feels like a game, and you feel like you’re losing. indeed, if this was a game, it was not a fair play. you entered the field as a loser.

“it's not about what you did, it’s about what i did.” you admit, feeling the bitter taste of truth in your mouth. “i made a mistake.”

“what mistake? what the fuck are you talking about?”

“i fell in love with you, august,” you finally confess. “it wasn’t supposed to happen, so i’m terminating this fucking contract. i don’t know what the fuck i was thinking when i accepted this, it’s just ridiculous and sexist, ‘cause all i was to you was a cum dumpster, and every single time i remember that, i truly feel like dying.”

it’s hard to shock him, but you did it. august is transfixed by your unvarnished, unfiltered confession. it’s really appalling to hear you use profanity to refer to yourself. 

how can you be in love with someone you clearly despise?

“you can’t be serious... we were fine a week ago!” he protests, evidently disappointed and frustrated.

“i guess i came to my senses.” you shrug. “you thought i was going to be your personal fuck toy for the rest of my life? you clearly don’t know me, august.”

when you get out of bed, you hand him the contract, but it is torn into four parts. instead of picking up the pieces of paper, he gently grabs your wrist, forcing you to look at him.

your eyes are genuinely sad, and it affects him somehow. it’s just that august doesn’t really care that people are sad. but you were the person he wanted to spend time with the most, even on the basis of a stupid contract.

“what do you want me to do to make you stay?”

“nothing,” you shrug in defeat. “there is nothing to be done.”

you free your wrist from his hand, grab your purse and head to the hotel room door, but first, you feel like you should tell him one last thing.

“i know i don’t have the right to meddle in your life, but if there’s still some conscience in there... you should get professional help. people are not objects, august. you can’t control everything.”

he remains motionless, unresponsive. perhaps the advice was in vain. he’s out of your life anyway, and you want to die for it, but you know you’ll survive.

you go away, and leave him for good, hoping never to cross his path again.

let me know iwhat you thought and if you want to be tagged on the third and final part!

[gmariam321]

So I binge-read my biggest Torchwood fic this weekend. I'm still cringing over some of my writing, but otherwise you know what? It was still pretty good, particularly with plot and character. I'm proud of what I accomplished with my beta, who helped hash out so much of it. We had such fun working together! There's nothing like coming up with crazy ideas and figuring out a way to actually make them work. I also really like some of my original characters. Kind of makes me wonder why I don't ever write original characters with an original plot, but then I remember they need an original world, and I like the ready-made fictional worlds I write fanfic for. I have no real desire to build my own.

Anyway, the story was an alternate version of Children of Earth. I came to Torchwood after the series was over, but I think CoE did well in the ratings, didn't it? I feel like it was generally well received . . . until it wasn't. Aside from the devastating death of Ianto, there are countless plot holes that I'm guessing fans really started picking part online and then thought, hmmm, maybe it's not so good after all. We got some great Janto pics and gifs but their actual moments on screen were not the moments they could have been, you know? (True story: I convinced my parents and brother to watch it with me after they gave it to me for Christmas and at the end my dad had no idea Jack and Ianto were a couple. I think my mom figured it out but my dad totally didn't see it because it just wasn't enough. I still want to know why they were so weird from the beginning. I'm trying to remember if I wrote a story about it now...) And then fanfic exploded and there are now countless versions that are just..better. Stories that fix the plot holes of CoE and give Jack and Ianto the moments they deserved.

Fanfic really took Torchwood and elevated it. Sure, we wrote lots of smut (tentacles, anyone?) but we also gave relationships the depth we rarely saw on screen. We explained how Jack and Ianto came to be, even through all the new Big Finish revelations. We gave them real moments (and not just smutty ones.) We made them mortal and immortal. We saved Ianto countless times and let them travel the galaxy. We gave Gwen actual consequences and growth and even made her and Ianto good friends. We took the potential of the show, of 31 episodes and a few Doctor Who crossovers (sorry, I'm not counting the fourth season since most fanfic is set before it) and explored it over and over, showing readers not only what TW was but could have been. We filled in the missing scenes, expanded it, even rewrote it. I wrote over a hundred fics and probably read ten times that. What an amazing thing!

I'm so glad I was a part of it and have both good memories and some good stories to look back on. ❤️

[flamingo-writes]

Hi flamingo how are you? How are you with your leg pain since the move? Have you been resting? I hope so!

Well as always I leave you a mini request before starting the week ;)

What do you think that, reader is a not so well known singer ,who is starting out in the world of music and meets Hobie in one of their own performances when they are singing on stage.

hope you have a wonderful week tysm <3!

I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve had a bit of a writer’s block. I powered through it though. I thought of a million ways this could’ve played out and went for the one I liked the most. I hope you like it too, and I’m sorry for the late reply 😢 I rewrote this like three times help 😭 whenever I wanted to sit and write I ended up doing a lot of other things.

With A Little Help — Hobie x Reader

Title inspired by the song by the Beatles With A Little Help From My Friends. The bicycle thing is inspired after a real accident I had once, except I don’t play the guitar and but I did get hit on a freshly made tattoo 🥲

Warnings: cursing,

The moment you decided to start a band with your friends, you knew from the beginning it would go one of two ways.

You could either sign with a producer and basically sell yourself like whores. Somehow gaining a debt just by signing a piece of paper, and working an ungodly amount of hours just to pay your debt, and hope the fame you’ve gained actually helps you make money after the percentage the producing house gets. Becoming puppets for the producer to move around the way they want.

Or you could do everything yourself working with what you had. Recording wherever you found available –sometimes that place being your own room–, asking friends if you could borrow equipment or instruments. Asking for favours. Gathering coins your couch has been swallowing and hoarding for years to print a few hundred copies of posters announcing your next gig.

And out of the two, you knew perfectly well which one you wanted. One of them helped you maintain your freedom, which was exactly what your music spoke about. Gathering a small and loyal fanbase was relatively easy in the low underground bars. The punk scene, the alternatives, and the rock fans soon spread the word around their friends. Eventually, these same people started offering their help with equipment, a few bills for copies, even instruments. It was still a small fanbase, but it was more than enough and they were all somehow more helpful than most people

One day in particular, your guitar player gave you a call. To your nerves, you picked up your phone, furious.

“Where the hell are you?! You’re so late! We’re supposed to start playing in ten minutes!” You barked.

“Ye-yeah…About that…” Your guitar player said with an awkward chuckle. “You see, it’s a funny story…”

“Oh god, no…” You groaned.

“Listen. First of all I’m fine–”

“What the fuck does that even mean? Wait, shit, bruv, did something happen to you?”

“You see, this is where the story gets funny…” They said with an awkward giggle. “I was minding my own business, on my way to the bar. I was on my bike. Riding it, you know. When an old lady and a tiny ass dog appeared out of nowhere, from the corner. In an attempt to not run over either of them, I turned and there was a tree–”

“You can’t be serious…” You gasped, “you alright?”

“In the greater scheme of things, yes I am…But…I kinda hurt my wrist very badly…”

“God, I’m scared to ask…how badly…?”

“Uh, I don’t think my skin is supposed to look purple…And the lady I almost ran over is offering to drive me to the emergency room?”

“Shit. What do we do? Do we cancel—“

“No! Don’t! I don’t know. Improvise?”

“How? You’re our guitar player!”

“Go wild on the bass?”

“Fuck off!” You groaned, annoyed.

Hobie Brown was not far from there, hearing to actually both sides of the conversation through his enhanced hearing. Helping your drummer setting everything up.

“I think something happened to your guitar player, mate?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m hearing…” Your drummer said nervously.

“If you guys need help, I know how to play the guitar…I can sight read too, but if you give me a couple of minutes to look through your songs, it would be better…” Hobie said as your drummer’s face widened in surprise.

“Dude, seriously?”

“Yeah,” Hobie said, smirking confidently.

“The motherfucker broke–”

“We found a guitar player!” Your drummer interrupted, raising both arms in the air happily.

Hobie giggled and looked over at you. Your eyes remained wide and confused, wondering when the roller coaster of emotions was going to end. You knew him. You didn’t really, but you’d seen him around enough to recognize his face.

“Seriously?”

“Sure, why not?” He said, shrugging.

“Oh god, thank you! Thank you so much, mate!” You said happily, running your hands through your hair in relief, making Hobie chuckle.

“Call me Hobie,” He said with a cheeky smirk.

You introduced yourself, as well the rest of your band. As you discussed what t do for the set list, you insisted Hobie didn’t improve and sight read all of your songs, and instead settled for a set list made out of mostly covers from famous songs, and just leaving a few of your original songs distributed for Hobie to take a break from a hyper concentrated state.

As the anxiety was rising in your belly, about to make you puke a minute away from starting your gig, Hobie grabbed your shoulder, catching your attention.

“Hey, it’s going to be alright,” He said, trying to comfort you. “And if it blows, then what the hell? It’s not going to be the last time you play. That way you could always make a dramatic comeback and look even cooler,”

His words while making you feel less scared about it all, it did nothing for your nerves.

Although as soon as you started playing, the music consumed you. Playing with Hobie instead of your guitar player was simply different. Not that any of them was better or worse than the other, but the dynamics changed drastically. Despite not really knowing Hobie that well, the interactions on stage were fun, spontaneous, even comfortable, like you’d known him for way longer than just the last hour.

Hobie not only exchanged glances with you and walked over to you while playing his guitar, he also went over to your drummer. Sometimes jointing you for the choruses of the covers, or adding spontaneous riffs to guitar solos.

By the end of the gig, people were crazy, screaming, jumping around. As you grabbed the mic, covered in sweat and breathless you thanked them.

“We’d love to stay, but we actually have to go check out on our friend…” You chuckled. “Our guitar player had Ana vidente earlier today, and couldn’t play. We had the magnificent Hobie, here, helping us out!” You sighed. “Let me hear it for Hobie for being a real one!” The crown screamed and clapped, as Hobie smiled at you.

“Thank you for letting me help,” Hobie said, walking over to the mic and grabbing it. “Thank you guys as well!”

“Oh yeah. You guys made this very fun!” You said going back to the mic, your face bearing Hobie’s as he glanced at you with a smirk, “Have a good night, everybody!”

As you walked behind the stage, you grabbed a towel you had nearby and dried your face and hair.

“Good job out there,” Hobie said walking behind you.

“Thank you! It was all possible thanks to you!” You said looking up from your towel. “I’d love to stay and talk but…”

“Yeah, go check on your friend. You can buy me a beer some other time to return the favour,” He said with a cheeky smirk.

“Just one? An entire gig for just one beer?” You joked.

“Well, at least three,”

“Sounds like a deal,” you sighed, meeting his stare and biting your lower lip softly. Seriously, thank you…”

“My pleasure,” He said confidently, meeting your stare, as you noticed something in them sparking.

“See you around?”

“I hang out here an awful lot so, yeah,” He shrugged, putting his hands in the pockets of his vest.

[totallybakedcake]

And back to JJK. Demon slayer? Unfinished anime and how I got into anime..

This is just pure dumb stuff, randomness, and even cringe stuff thrown here, so feel free to skip!

For starters, JJK was one of my first animes. I had been dying to watch it, but I could not watch it because my brother was against it. But eventually, I did watch every episode until the Shibuya arc, and after that, I stopped because there would be too much violence and all that.

This led to my biggest mistake: starting anime and watching spoilers

Spoilers

Naruto was actually my first anime, and I binge-watched so many episodes at once and cried so much. It was super fun, and I even watched so many fillers, but my brother eventually said that season 2 of the series has too much of a serious tone and did not let me. So, what did I do?

Spoil the whole damn anime for me

And then finally, I was going to watch. I watched about another 200 episodes, and then that was the end of my Naruto saga. I know what happens in the war: Boruto, Naruto marrying Hinata, and all the Akatsuki backstory, so I just gave up.

And the same happened with JJK. I saw way too many spoilers, and I still watch the later chapter spoilers too; even JJK ended with me.

I was just going to start the manga from the Shibuya arc yesterday, but then I started Demon Slayer, which I also know the ending of.

The reason I am so into Windbreaker, Kaiju No. 8, Sakamoto Days, Spyx Family, the Millionaire Detective, Buddy Daddies, and even Gakuen Babysitters is because I did watch any spoilers for them.

-----------------------

The reason I even got into Quotev, or my first app where I read fanfiction,.

I had an obsession with Yuta from JJK, now that I think about it. I cannot help it; he is just too good, but writing fics about him is kind of awkward to me because of Rika.

It was from my grandmother's phone that I read my first anime fanfiction, It's Pure Love by Whale Crumpet. If you want a good Yuta fic, I would totally say to try this one out, but the author hasn't updated it since 2022, and I feel my heart breaking. Even though they said they would return to quotev, they never did.

The Yuta fic I loved the most was Cupid's Cursed Arrow by Strawberry Belle. Damn,  did I fall hard for this fic. I would tell everyone in my house that Cupid's arrow was updated as I read it; it would give me giggles each time. That fic also hasn't been updated for 5 months.

Honestly I am not a sucker for crossover manga. It has to be super specific to my liking but Euphoria by Sceretstarlight was just too cute. Made me fall harder. Even the author of that fic on quotev is like the real life version of Mitsuri. I love her a lot♥️♥️

It was then a random day where I suddenly got an idea to write a Yuta fic, and I wrote it, rewrote it again, and the rewritten one has ten chapters in my notebooks, which I still have for the memories. I did read it a while ago, and it was terrible, but I had no freaking experience, so what can I do for that?

If anyone does want to read and give me some opinions on that chapter 1, I did upload it in my random ideas thrown here as a quote. You can read that here.

The only original story I have made is Lost in Dreams, which is again on quotev.

----------------------

And for Tumblr, I clicked on the website once and was reading what I thought was a Yuta period cramp comfort, but it required me to sign up and all, so after a while, I did do that, but that fic was a Yuta vampire smut fic, and I ended up not liking it.

I just read fics, I have no idea how to make my own blog, about tags, dashboard, you could follow people and even like there works.

One thing I do know is I had a Sung jinwoo fic reading obsession like I loved reading about him okay. The first Jinwoo fic that stole my heart was by @catboyfics. Hunter is a series and it was the first Jinwoo fic I read and was so so in love with. It was my first non JJK fic I read and it felt different than the others if you know what I mean. I didn't understand how to save or like a fic on tumblr so I lost it and I was super devastated truly I was super duper upset and sad that I spent what 2 hours searching the Jinwoo tag on tumblr and when I did not find it I could have even started crying BUT I found it again and I saved the upload in my folder where I can easily read it and also followed catboyfics. I hope they are alright because they haven't been/ updated their blog in 2 months.. I also have no memory on how I got to know about tumblr but now it is my most used website..

------------------------

That is the current problem with JJK fics, imo; the tags and stories are just almost pure shit. I am not saying bad to the writers; they have fun and they do what they want to do, but seriously, we need more JJK fluff, comfort, taking care of female readers, and overprotective fics. I just stated what I like, but whatever.

I have so much to write, but will I write that? No

Will I write dumb, stupid, and nonsenseful things? YEAH

I feel so stupid writing this but whatever let me rant/write random things for compensation for this horrible day

[cottagecorezemo]

uuughhhh so I've had some health stuff going on this whole year, multiple new medications and all that, so I haven't written since APRIL. Just haven't had the spoons or the drive or the social impetus or fannish juice or anything like that fueling me. (Barely managed to write what I did in the spring, too.)

BUT last night I started working on a wip and was writing for about three hours WHEN MY LAPTOP BLUESCREENED. It's the worst laptop I've ever had and does this at random, and I know it, but I was in the flow state... and couldn't remember the last time I'd saved.

Me for five solid minutes, my head in my hands: NO NO NO GODDAMMIT NOOO NOOO DAMMIT GOD NOOOO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT UGH FUCK

Like.

I don't have the writing stamina, the GAS, the OOMPH, the CHUTZPAH, to lose this much work and be able to recover! You know???

Even when I'm writing a ton and those mental muscles are in great shape and the gears are all lubed up, this would be a bit of a blow. To lose a significant chunk of writing. But I am not in great writing shape right now. I'm writing on low battery power, and experiencing the world from behind a weird plastic curtain of med fog. It's hard for me to even start, and everything I write is incoherent zero draft that needs a lot of editing to become even first draft quality, and if I think about what I've written too much, I hate it and trash it and feel bad and don't even try again for a while.

So to have written at all in the first place... and then lose it to the random blue screen of death...

😩

Unfortunately I was a poor kid who grew up without word processing programs fancier than Wordpad and now I still don't use them, even though I have them. So I wasn't using an app with autosave. No temporary files were kept on my hard drive. The writing I lost was just gooone.

But to my immense relief, I found I had last saved half an hour before my lappy ate shit. I'd saved just after completing a scene, on total autopilot. The new scene I had just started was all gone, but I still had the scene I'd edited, reworked, and finished.

I rewrote what I had of the scene before having to tap out.

I'm so grateful. To have written. To have finished a scene, and saved it. To have had enough battery left in me to rewrite what I'd lost.

That was deeply demoralizing for a good ten minutes, but ultimately could have been way worse.

[magnus-sm-writes]

May 2024 Monthly Wrap-Up

Didya miss me? I’ve posted several 10k word updates this month, so this monthly wrap-up will be a little different. I don’t get a lot of attention on my 10k updates or my monthly wrap-ups, so this is mostly for myself and my favorite coworker/friend who reads my blog. Hi!

May has been… mm. Fun. Writing-wise, it’s been a month of editing short stories, making introductions, and continuing Greenest. I adore writing Greenest and my short stories, so I’ve been having a pretty good time with it all!

That is, until I got a little burnt out at the end. 

My day job is decently intense, let’s just say. We’re constantly making and breaking our records this year trying to hit the record demand this year. It’s been… a lot. All hands on deck, really. Following the conclusion of my Big Work Project, I’ve just been a little out of it. Exhausted, irritable, bored with it all. I’ve been doing some intense self-care to try getting out of it, but I do genuinely think it’s all just a result of working so hard for so long. It’s going to be like this until July, so I’m trying to maximize my relaxation time out of work.

Y’know, because it’s always super important to try to squeeze the most relaxation out of your self-care time. A super healthy way to look at self-care.

It’s hard for me not to throw myself into my work and get way too involved, whether it’s my day job or my writing. Everything is personal to me. And I’m a perfectionist, which makes it worse. I easily exhaust myself.

I’m going to attempt not to burn out next month. Fingers crossed. 

WHAT HAVE I WRITTEN?

I’m not sure what I should call my editing, since it’s part rewrite, part editing. So I think I’m going to separate things pretty loosely based on what I rewrote or what I edited. If I did the first couple rounds of edits (rewrites), they’ll be there. If I did the second round of edits (line edits), they’ll be in the “editing” section. A distinction no one but me cares about, but it’s important to me.

I wrote the ending for “The Boy & the Hag Stone”, which I hand-wrote months back and had yet to digitize. I much prefer this ending to the original. Then I quickly did my first round of edits (rewrites), because I was excited that I’d finished it and super motivated to write more of it. As I mentioned in my first May 10k post, Banshee is a pretty fun character to write for, and I love him with all my heart.

The next short story I edited was my AI story “Certain Boundaries”, which got named this month! Good for it. I’ve been struggling to find a good name for this bad boy for some time, and when it comes to it, I think “Certain Boundaries” suits the content quite well. There are boundaries that are crossed.

(I’m pretty sure that I ripped that title from a lecture in college. A lot of my titles in my Title Inspo document are quotes from conversations I’ve had. Like my story “One Screen to Another”, which I borrowed from my lovely professor Jennifer.)

“Certain Boundaries” had a rewrite. I’d never been fully happy with it before, despite the numerous rewrites it’s received since its inception. The last time I watched Ex Machina was in… 2022, I think, which is when this idea came about. I’ve been working on it since. Not the longest I’ve spent on a work (that award goes to Lessons in Humanity from a Future Physicist, with a whopping ten years and going), but a large piece of time to be unsatisfied with a work with a word count under 5k.

I’ve been working on my goal of writing more for Greenest. Greenest is one of my oldest fantasy novels because it is around three years old. Maybe I should eat a cupcake in its honor? I’m sipping a glass of pineapple chili wine (my personal favorite wine, semi-sweet and spicy, something I think Mavuto would adore), so I’ll take a couple mouthfuls for Greenest and Sigma, my beloved son.

I did write a character intro for Sigma. He’s one of my favorite and longest-running fantasy characters, being optimistic, sweet, excited to learn, full of love, and green. Sigma is a pretty unique character in my line-up because he is optimistic and full of joy because he grew up in a blood cult and never lost his childlike innocence. My son is just like me.

Mostly, I worked on one of my favorite scenes: the one where Valor and Sigma meet Experiment #24. Yes, I’ve written it about three times. Yes, I’m going to continue writing it as I continue to develop them all as characters. As Sigma has grown as a character, his perspective has become more and more unique. Instead of being a self-absorbed, vain bastard looking to have a cosmetic procedure done, he is a naïve young man trying to understand himself. I guess they’re for similar reasons—the procedure is cosmetic in nature—, but the core behind them is different. This Sigma is ten years younger. He isn’t the same person I wrote about when I first wrote the meeting between him, Valor, and Experiment #24.

To put it shortly, I’ve been rewriting pivotal scenes as my characters change. As the plot of the Greenest series has changed and I’ve come up with more plot points, I have to go back and fix things. Especially pivotal scenes in the first book of the series!

So, yes, this is one of my favorite scenes for the series. It’s… fun. Neat. Sigma’s full of excitement about seeing the curiosity cabinets in Dr. Von Stromm’s surgery the same way I would be. I got to come up with all sort of fun, gothic medical trinkets that I could describe. That’s my paradise! I have a whole Etsy page dedicated to gothic shit I want to put in a curio cabinet! It’s my interest!

10/10, I have been having the best time with writing this scene. I could describe everything through Sigma’s eyes and have the time of my life.

Shockingly, I also wrote something for Lessons in Humanity from a Future Physicist. This book, if you’ve been around for a while, is my everything. I’ve been working on Lessons in Humanity for ten long, long years, and still, every time I write for it, I get giddy like it’s the first time I’ve ever written anything for it.

It’s a super simple scene about change and hating your friend’s taste in romantic partners. That universal bitchy conversation I think we’ve all had. (If you have a friend with bad taste in partners, you know what that’s like.)

It was just… fun. Really fun, actually. I’d been in a writing slump until I wrote that scene, and it helped me crest that.

EDITS

Yeehaw, editing section!

This month has been very edit-heavy. I don’t love editing, per se, but I do know it’s important to the process of being published and improving my work. Call me Sister Mary Loquacious (from Good Omens), because I never shut the fuck up. Editing is vital to keeping my works readable.

And dammit, I need to get published to get my name out there. Literary magazines are the only time when exposure is actually an acceptable form of payment.

(FYI to anyone who doesn’t know: most literary magazines are unpaid because all the money that they possibly make goes into producing the magazine. They are a labor of love from the volunteer staff. Please remember that. I worked on a literary magazine and didn’t see a cent because everything went into printing.)

So I did a lot of editing this month. Much more than I typically do. So much so that I made an edit to my goal of hitting daily word count for next month. I’m deciding that I’m going to consider myself successful if I either hit my word count or edit for an hour. A little treat, if you will.

The editing I did ranged from complete rewrites (addressed previously) to line edits, the most tedious type of editing. Have you ever wanted to read your work so much that even looking at it pisses you off? You, my friend, need to line edit.

But it’s useful. I cut down a good amount of superfluous words. Which is what I’m certain people would love me to do with my writing updates. But my blog has no word limit, so I get to be as Extra as I want! Ha!

WHAT HAVE I READ?

Reading was pretty sparse this month in favor of writing. In fact, I didn't finish a single book, which is kinda sad for me. It's just been a long long for me.

SUBMISSIONS

I met my submission goal this month! For putting myself out there, I am quite pleased. None of these submissions were through Submittable, which meant I had to either fill out one of the magazine’s forms or send an email. And I had to use manuscript format. Luckily, my Publishing class (and the professor for that, who is a saint) prepared me for this sort of situation.

If you’ve never done manuscript format, it’s a little bit like giving yourself a headache trying to figure out if the title is the correct amount of spaces down the page and how much of the title you should include in your header. A nightmare! And you use Courier New, which is the same font used in screenplays. As someone who likes a nice, bold font, it’s… different. Definitely different.

I refuse to let this ruin my excitement at having met my goal. A little headache is nothing compared to the high of reaching one of my (absolutely-obtainable) goals for this month.

I was hoping to maybe get a couple more submissions squeezed out before the end of the month, but we did inventory yesterday, and spending so much time walking around the factory left me in so much pain I didn't do much once I got home. It kinda sucked. But that's okay. I need rest to heal from my pulled foot muscle.

GOALS!!!!!

This month has been alright with my goals. I started off ambitious and charging full speed ahead with a library and cafe visit in one weekend, then met 20k words before half the month was over. 

Then the burnout happened, and I wasn’t really feeling audiobooks, and so on and so forth.

What I’m trying to say is, I did okay at hitting my goals for the month. That’s why I set them to be achievable, if slightly ambitious. I’m hoping to hit my goals, even when I’m feeling pretty meh for half the month. That’s part of setting myself up to succeed. 

When it came to goals I did achieve, I’m decently satisfied with them.

Submit to 3 literary magazines

Go to library 2 times

Finish 4 poems

Write in cafe 3 times

Maintain submission & word count journals

Make monthly wrap-up

Continue Greenest

Edit Q1 short stories

Here are the goals I did not meet:

Finish 2 audiobooks

Read 10 pages/listen to 10 minutes of audiobooks every day

Post to Instagram 4 times a week

Write 500 words a day

Finish reading 4 books

Finish 1 short story

A lot of these are “number” goals, or “every day” goals. I can be pretty bad at consistency. I often “break the chain”. The way I work isn’t exactly the most sustainable for every day. Sometimes I write 3k in one day, and I don’t write anything original the next. (Fanfiction isn’t counted, though if it were, I would consistently be hitting my word goals.) I wasn’t particularly feeling very interested in reading books either. It was a bit of a “blah” month in some aspects.

However, the goals I completed were the most important to me. So I didn’t technically meet my word goal every single day, and I didn’t finish my two audiobooks or finish four books, and I didn’t write a brand-new short story. What I did do (especially submitting to all of the literary magazines and editing my short stories) was more important. It’s what I need to do in order to meet my publication goals. I’ve got an okay-ish backlog of short stories that need edited and published for the moment. So though I didn’t meet all my “super achievable goals!!!!”, I’m alright with that. I like documenting when I technically “fail” so I can track what works for me and what doesn’t.

NEXT MONTH’S GOALS!!!!!

I’ve been thinking a lot about intentionality lately. Finding what works for me and doing it on purpose. A little riff of that Dolly Parton quote. What is sustainable for me? What goals do I consistently meet? What goals do I consistently fail? How can I set myself up for success?

I have high hopes for June. I have high hopes for every month, of course, but Pride Month is… special to me. As I feel it is for most queer people. (Not all; my husband doesn’t particularly care about Pride Month, but he’s… a little weirdo [affectionate].)

At the very least, I hope the fruits of my labor begin to crop up, so to say. I’ve had a couple submissions cooking for a while that I’ve got high hopes will find a home somewhere in the month of June. Maybe it’s silly to rely on gut feelings when I have so many digestive issues. But I stay silly.

I’m keeping my goals mostly in-line with what I’ve been doing the past couple of months, with some adjustments. Mostly numbers.

My goals for June are:

Submit to 4 literary magazines

Go to library 2 times

Finish 1 audiobook

Finish 5 poems

Read 10 pages/listen to an audiobook for 10 minutes

Post to Instagram 4 times a week

Write in a cafe 3 times

Submission & word count journals

Write monthly wrap-up

Continue romance novels

Write 500 words a day/edit for 1 hour

Finish reading 2 books

Finish 1 short story

Edit Q1 short stories

Write 10k updates

ABOUT THE ROMANCE NOVELS

So, I mentioned romance novels in my goals for June. This is because I’ve actually been cooking up a couple romance novels in the background for a little while. Nothing super super serious, but I’ve had a secret Pinterest board for them for about half a year, and playing all the HuniePop and Baldur’s Gate 3 that I do definitely gives a guy ideas. Partner that with the delicious rumor about me dating my favorite coworker, you have the perfect recipe for some romance novels.

Mostly, they fall into my same favorite tropes: friends to lovers, fake dating, reunions, only one bed. That sort of thing. My old tried and trues. Thinking about trying to do an office romance, but workplace romances squick me out most of the time. They’re kinda HR nightmares. And since my mother is an HR manager, I don’t really need more of those.

My current favorite one is (title likely to change) Home for the Holidays, a friends to lovers fake dating at Christmas thing that has so much fluff and nostalgia in it that it makes my damn teeth hurt. I’m a sucker for queer people with messy flirtationships with their friends (as a queer person who has had a lot of messy flirtationships with my friends), so of course I have to write that sort of thing to please the Muse (me).

So, Home for the Holidays features Oscar Moody and Viko Volkova. Mama Moody invites Oscar and his “sweet boyfriend from those Instagram posts” to the Moodys for Christmas, and Viko seizes the opportunity to have a family Christmas after not having one for years (homophobic family back in Serbia). Oscar and Viko have a lovely Christmas in Cincinnati that features all of Ohio’s Biggest Winter Hits, a good time with the Moody family, and yes, some steamy holiday romance. I can’t help myself. As much as I hate Hallmark movies (on in my parents’ house year-round), I am a sucker for a good “my mom invited us to the holidays but we’re not actually dating but I can’t tell her that” story. Anyone else?

There’s another that’s less of a romance romance novel and more of a “dealing with trauma with a side of romance” novel. I don’t have a name for it. I’ve been calling it “I am Mac’s Hangover”, because I love referencing Fight Club, and Mac is always hungover.

Mackenzie “Mac” Lone Bear and Flynn Von Brandt II did not exactly break up on good terms. In fact, Flynn dumped him so as to not lose the favor of his homophobic father in their freshman year of college. In the summer of their senior year, after identifying his mother’s corpse, Mac returns to his job at a coffee shop to find that a certain Von Brandt has been added to the roster. Between those two things, he is not coping particularly well.

I did a lot of research about living as a Native American in the United States, including watching several documentaries, and it’s honestly heartbreaking to see the intergenerational trauma that is passed down as a result of colonialism. It was a major interest of mine last autumn, and I’m still very much interested in it. 

It’s not a typical enemies to lovers experience, since I’m not a typical enemies to lovers guy. I much rather prefer bitter exes to lovers instead. This was definitely brought on by my love of Doctor/Master from Doctor Who, because I choose to read the Master as The Gallifrey Wife, and reading them as bitter exes just adds more drama.

I just like writing characters that have a lot of (justified) anger at the world. It’s nice to give them a happy ending. Cathartic. I’m all for catharsis.

CONCLUSION

This post is pretty long, even for one of my monthly wrap-ups. I’ve included a lot of auxiliary information that probably didn’t even need to be addressed. But I write these mostly for myself, and I’m a man of many words. I want to know exactly what I did for the entire month of May, and dammit, I’m gonna post it for the world to see.

[starlightswitch]

The Same Kind of Weird

@flashfictionfridayofficial Characters from a story I rewrote a few years ago but started almost 20 years ago, based on a real friend of-- naturally-- almost 20 years. (Wow.)

(also for Writer's Month day 9 prompts warmth and home for the summer)

Brittany met Natalie at the spot in the woods the night she got back from college. She was watching the sun through the trees when she heard a “hey!” and when she turned, Natalie was running through the trees from the direction of her parents’ house. She didn’t lose all the speed before she reached Brittany and hugged her, almost knocking her over.

“Hi!”

“Hi!”

They looked at each other for a minute, each with a happy little sigh.

“I was expecting it to be chilly here because it’s warmer at school, but it’s pretty warm here. Surprisingly. Warmer than when I got out of the car.”

Brittany paid attention to the temperature for a second. “Yeah. I guess you’re right. Maybe it’s, like, sheltered by the trees?”

Natalie grinned. “Ten years ago you would have said something about it being magic.”

“Well, it wasn’t ten years ago–” Brittany started.

“Yes it was. I was in second grade. About to start it. Now I’m about to start 12th grade. Ten years.”

“Wow,” was all Brittany could think of to say. When Natalie giggled, she added, “It doesn’t feel like ten years. I mean, I guess it does since it feels like I’ve known you forever, but also ten years sounds like a lot. That’s like half my life.”

“It’s not half my life. Yet.” This time Natalie’s grin was mischievous.

“Future engineer. You don’t have to do math over the summer. Yet.”

Natalie giggled more.

“You know what me ten years ago would say? We should do some kind of… something to celebrate ten years.”

“Like a ritual?” said Natalie, reading her mind as always.

“If we can think of something.”

“Well, it should be at the end of the summer, if it’s commemorating the ten years. It’s not ten full years until the end of the summer. It was right before school started.”

“Right.”

“Oh! That thing we buried. Remember?” she asked– it must be obvious that Brittany didn’t. “When we did that secret club ceremony thing, we… wrote our names on paper or something? We each made something and we buried them all here. You and I buried them here. Obviously we didn’t tell anybody else about here.”

Brittany was starting to remember, vaguely. “I don’t think we put them in something to bury them, though. So we probably can’t dig them up– I think that’s what you were going to say. They probably got composted a long time ago.”

“Aw. I was thinking we could, like, tell everybody about them.”

Was Natalie still in touch with everyone who had been in the club? Brittany had lost touch with them when she started high school, except, of course, Natalie. “I feel like they’d think it was weird, us remembering a ritual from when we were like ten. Or younger.”

“Kenny didn’t. I mean I didn’t tell him about that–”

“What did you tell him about?” Brittany’s voice came out sounding a little distressed. She felt more than she sounded.

“That I used to do stuff like that as a kid. I don’t think I mentioned you,” Natalie added quickly. She had caught the distress. Of course she had. “I mean I know I’ve mentioned you but I don’t think I mentioned you when I talked about that. I think I just said it was something I did.”

“And he didn’t think it was weird?”

“No. He… Well, he didn’t exactly do rituals like that, but when he was a kid he used to pretend that he had a secret dragon. Kind of a cross between a dragon and a dinosaur. And he kept doing it when he got older– not really pretending it like he acted it out, but making up stories about it. So he gets making up things, and still being into it when you’re older. What?” she said, sounding a little worried, looking at Brittany, who was looking at her.

Brittany shook her head with a bit of a wry smile. “I’m still getting used to the idea of you having a boyfriend and you hit me with he gets the making up games thing. Somehow you found the one guy in the world who doesn’t think it’s weird.”

Natalie crossed her arms. “He can’t be the one guy in the world who doesn’t think it’s weird. Nobody is that unique.”

“Well, I’m assuming he doesn’t have a best friend of ten years who made up dragon stories with him.”

“I’ll ask.” Natalie seemed earnest.

Brittany shook her head with an affectionate laugh.

-

2020 Day 9: Taking Care of Herself (illness)

2021 Day 9: Camping Lessons (darkness)

2022 Day 9: Over Again (echo + post-canon)

[razrrgames]

tomorrow is the 7th anniversary of when i first released after the bell.

a lot has happened in the past 7 years.

i have/had an entire update planned, i wanted to rebuild the game from the ground up, especially since porting it to the steam version of 2003 fucked up the fade transitions.

but i never did.

i’ve tried starting many times, and failed every time.

i don’t think i’ve talked about it here, but im very open about this: i have ADHD and autism. the ADHD is what applies the most here.

the ADHD prevents me from doing what i want, and the RSD makes me overcomplicate things.

back when i made ATB, i was in a hyper focus state on RPGMaker. i had four ongoing projects at once: after i finished the first version of ATB, i was drafting the update, file:blue was added during a horror game jam, riitami, and one other project i literally cannot even remember the name of off the top of my head. i focused hard on these projects, mainly riitami, and then the novelty wore off. this is one of the worst parts of my ADHD. i get really into doing something for a short burst and then i get bored and can’t force myself to do it anymore.

i felt horrible for so long. why can’t i just DO things like everyone else? i need to remake ATB, i need to fix it, i need to take out the stair scene because it was in poor taste, i need to expand on the lore so i stop seeing people asking why ghosts can’t just go through the wall, i need to expand on these characters, etc etc etc. and i just couldn’t do it. i forced myself to come up with a logistical reason for not passing through walls, i rewrote and scrapped and rewrote and scrapped over and over again.

don’t get me wrong. i still do want to update after the bell. i want to remake it. i want to make it better. better maps, better art, better jokes, better characters, etc. but i can’t give you an estimate on when that will happen.

as for the lore of the game,,, i don’t want to put any more thought into it.

i didn’t go into that project with a real plot or world in mind. i just drew a little ghost girl and decided i wanted to make a game about her. then i made her a girlfriend and some classmates. i thought of a very simple fetch quest: getting her name. that’s all it was. nothing more, nothing less.

that said, i have new answers to things.

why can’t she go through walls?

who cares? i’m not gonna make transition events on every wall tile just to satisfy some people who can’t put their suspension of disbelief on hold for a silly ten minute game.

why are all these girls dead?

i don’t know. i just thought one character would be too lonely, so i added some more. i thought more ghosts would be better than filling the space with living characters and then dealing with whatever allows them to communicate.

and there was one person that once said in a comment that it was weird that protag’s parents had the same last name. that has always been a strange thought to me. they’re married? one took the other’s last name?

i don’t really know what i’m rambling about at this point.

in the past seven years (in no particular order), i have moved out, got my drivers license, lost my job, got another job, was ghosted out of that job, gotten a new job that destroyed my soul, fell into a deep depression at the start of the lockdown, went back to the soul crushing job once it resumed, fell out with my roommate, moved back in with my parents, quit my old job and got another job that i now love, adopted a hamster, had her until she passed away earlier this year from health complications, made friends, lost friends, started and ended therapy, got a psychiatrist, got on anxiety medication, started (trying) ADHD meds, started dating my girlfriend, saw her in person twice, was briefly hospitalized to get my first surgery (gall bladder removal), had ANOTHER surgery (septoplasty + removing polyps), went to new york to meet old friends twice, went thru multiple medications trying to find something to help me sleep at night, came out to my mother as a lesbian (she still does not know my gender identity), met some of the people who would become some of the most important people in my life, cried over dnd (positive), started writing stories again, tabled at a lot of conventions…

it’s been a long and wild road. and in those seven years, i have thought about the ATB cast. i know the game got a little traction when it was first released, and i’m a little shocked that it seems to get a lot more attention in spanish speaking communities! that’s a lil crazy to me! not in a bad way of course. i think that’s really cool. sharing our creations and experiences across different language communities is one of the coolest things in the world.

i’ve seen praise and criticism that have helped me think about my work as an artist, and some that have hindered me a bit. nevertheless, i’ve grown a lot since then. at least i hope so.

im rambling about a lot of things. sorry. my train of thought is more like a spaghetti junction, lol

at the end of the day, these silly little ghost girls were my first real journey into RPGmaker. i’d loved playing games for a long time and had made one shoddy little thing before, but ATB was my first real release. i’ve thought about these girls a lot. i don’t think too hard about their world, the lore doesn’t really matter to me; it was just a silly little game i made with no real forethought.

one day i will deliver that remake to you. i don’t know when. i love these characters, simple as they are, and i want to do right by them. im even thinking of asking for help, as i clearly have a lot of trouble moving forward; help with setting up maps and transitions is the most important thing, as i’m not very good at layouts or mapping, but i can handle all the artwork and writing dialogue myself. i also want to commission someone for custom music, as the original music used in the game was generated via online programs because i am also, shockingly (/sarcasm), terrible at music composition. or more like i have no experience with it. i’m tone deaf as all hell.

that is not financially viable for me right now, unfortunately (i owe my parents like $800 for insurance + some assistance from when bebbie passed away) and i do not want to just. not pay people for their work. as an artist i understand the value of the work that goes into these things, and i’m not about to run around asking for free help with a silly little ghost game. i want to be able to pay my help appropriately for their time and effort. that said, if you’d be interested in helping out when that time comes (paid of course, i can’t tell you when that’ll be bc as much as i love my job i don’t make a lot of money) please let me know.

i should bring this rambling to a close.

thank you for seven years of silly ghost girls. it’s been a long time, but i hope that these girls pop into your thoughts from time to time to say hello, as they do for me. i want to do them better, even if they are just a couple of silly middle school lesbian ghosts.

thank you for your patience and support. i’m sorry i haven’t lived up to be the person or developer that i wanted to be. i’m sorry i failed to bring you something to play so many times and for so long. i hope you can forgive me.

thank you, thank you, thank you.

[mysticalmayhem1930]

A Tale of Two Weddings: Midgardian Mayhem

A Loki x Eva (OC) story

Part Three of Loki’s Dragon

>>Part Thirty Three: Epilogue <<

A/N I don’t own any of the Marvel characters. Just my own creations. This was originally posted in Wattpad. But I rewrote the parts as I transferred them, so there are some differences.

Summary: The finale just wrapping up some stuff

Thank you to all who read and enjoyed this story I had a lot of fun and other emotions while writing it.

Pairing: I originally wrote this as Loki x Eva but it can be read as Loki x Reader if you desire.

Link to previous chapter

Link to Masterlist

Credit to artist

Overall Warnings: Smut, Fluff, Angst, Adult Language

>>>18+ ONLY<<

Loki learned fast how to care for Matthias. From changing him to bathing him. He did everything in his power to give his wife time to recover, from as Eva put it delivering a watermelon. Matthias was 14 lbs 3 oz and 30" long. After getting home from the hospital and settling their son into his routine Loki spent hours with his son, often taking him for walks in the stroller, after the first time he made sure that Eva was with him, he was stopped by at least ten women cooing at how cute the little boy was and how much he looked like his father. At least five of them pressed their phone number into his hand. Eva especially liked watching as Loki prepared him for bed, there was bath time, and story time. Loki told his son altered versions of his Asgardian fairy tails where the Jotun were not monsters. Occasionally Eva heard him singing Asgardian lullabies. Loki would listen as Eva did the same sharing her fairy tales and lullabies. Matthias would only know love from his family and extended family. Loki's patience with his son was astounding. After the birth Loki put a glamour on him that also changed his temperature jus like his daddy.  They preferred at home for both boys to be Jotun. An unexpected side affect of the birth was Eva's skin was left with the pale blue hue. So she even had a glamour when they went out as well.

Stephen stopped by at least once every few days to check on both of them. The little boy while enamored with his dad, loved his uncles, he was constantly giggling when they came over. Thor was a fun uncle, Stephen was nurturing and Tony spoiled him rotten. He also stole his aunts hearts when they held him. He loved Peppers nurture, Nat's fearlessness, or the fun aunt, and Wanda's magic and protectiveness. Eva thought it fitting that her son and Stephen shared the same birthday November 18. Loki was proud to announce that Odin has accepted Matthias as his grandson, and as such after his first birthday they would go to Asgard for his coronation. Fury had personal child care installed at the tower and the compound, for when Eva and Loki were back.

"Loki, how many children did you say you wanted?" Asked Eva one night when Matthias was two.

"If I remember correctly it was 3, but two would be best."

"You ready for me to curse you out again if we do?"

"I'll be there for you through it all. Eva, if we don't have any more children I will still die a happy man. I have the love of my life, and the most precious little boy..."

"He looks so much like you. I can't wait till he's older and you can start teaching him magic. I've already spoken to Charles Xavier, and he's putting together a plan for Matthias' education beyond what we will teach him. I have such hope for his future."

"Why, Princess, did you ask about children again?"

"Because I just saw Dr Mooney a week ago, and we'll..."

Loki picked her up in a flash peppering kisses along her face and neck "so I'm going to be a dad again?"

"Yes my Prince you will be a dad again, but you get to tell Fury this time!" She laughed as he spun her around. "He's not going to be happy, I may just get used to desk duty, I'm going to be stuck there again."

"Eva, I'm so lucky to have found you, I never want to think what our life would have been like without one little injury, and one bold move."

"Loki our little family is growing, and I'm so excited to be a part of it! I love you Always my Sweet, Dark and Sexy Prince."

[safyresky]

Frostmas Year Ten: Behind the Scenes

Prologue | Y1 | Y2 | Y3 | Y4 | Y5 | Y6 | Y7 | Y8 | Y9 | Y10 | Y11 | Y12

[To Read Frostmas: From the TOP | Year Ten]

---

Boy howdy! It was two years in the making but, at about 30k ish words, year ten is FINALLY finished and I can FINALLY say, out loud, that Jacqueline got fuckin FROZEN!

Lots I wanna share because Year Ten had the MOST edits out of all the years I’ve written so far. I do NOT want to know what Year Eleven will be like. Y10 was like, the HARDEST year to write so far! Let's get GROOVING

The Intro

I actually rewrote the intro after finishing the entire year. It was a weak start, originally, I realized after writing those three BANGERS of final scenes!

the version you SHOULD have read was only completed on the 13th, after being rewritten once the day before.

I almost didn’t write an intro for Year Ten. I actually think, when I started writing it, on Easter Day two and a half years ago lmao, I went right into the beginning of the year.

If I’m remembering correctly, I actually didn’t write the intro until after the All-Staff scene!

Scene 1: Bernard Machine BROKE

what the elf is elf version of what the fuck. v. important note

“We’re really in it now Jacqueline” is absolutely, 100%, the Frostmas version of this meme from The Good Place:

And oh boy, with Y10 of Frostmas? WE ARE REALLY IN IT NOW, JACQUELINE

OKAY SO one of the reasons I decided to do these BTS things was for all of the memes/references bc I find it FASCINATING that I can read these chapters and recall DISTINCTLY what I was doing/hyper fixating on at the time. Year Ten edition: Quarantine 2020!

First reference: Jacqueline deciding to go to Timmies

I was 100% projecting, a month into quarantine and I had NO IDEA if Tim’s was open and I was craving timbits and my iced capp of choice (which is also Jacqueline’s)

SO I WROTE IT IN

Two months in I saw they were open via drive thrus and I have a car so I got me that ding dang iced capp

HONESTLY, a lot of Canadians don’t actually like Timmies these days. Apparently, they’ve gone down hill. But Imma be real with you folks, ice capps HIT and I have yet to find a place with a similar drink that hides caffeine well enough for me to enjoy!

Stir-Fry: Best way to make a quick dins and get rid of leftovers

Okay, srs note now: thinking about what would drive Bernard to leave, without knowing what the canon relationship between Jack and B-Man is (tho most people HC that they HATE each other and B wouldn’t take Jack’s BS, and I support this) one of the hardest things I’ve done, to date.

like Jacqueline said in the intro, this is Bernard’s home! He takes care of the elves, they’re his fam! Like, everything considering Bernard’s decision is HEARTBREAKING and the only way I could think of that would allow Bernard to fully leave the picture is, well, him basically trading his “exile” for their freedom.

The conversation they have once B-Man has semi-processed grief is once again, me trying to work it all out

apparently a running frostmas theme for things I can’t figure out is to get Berline some food and watch them scheme. Hey, if it works it works ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Scene 2: Jack gets SERVED

fun fact: I added this scene in after writing about half of the chapter! It was reading very bad prior, since I had just summarized what Bernard did.

“you’re not you when you’re hungry” I think about that commercial a lot. Specifically the Betty White version

it’s also a gr8 Jack line, 100%

so thanks to snickers, i guess, for giving me free dialogue (🤫)

I actually really like this scene! I think it’s a v good villainy Jack scene!

Scene 3: All Staff Meeting

I hate all staff meetings. We had one MONTHLY in quarantine and by the time May rolled around, I never wanted to go to one ever again

SO LET’S MAKE THE ELVES GO INTO ONE! at least they got to go in person 😢😢

Idk why I had B-man give a spare set of keys to Quintin? It’s been so long since I wrote that part, and Quintin makes his way to the Valley in the later half of the year ANYWAY. I actually went back and edited the final few scenes to hint that Quintin splits his time

like some kind of divorce settlement

he and elfsburg divorced. he gets the shop every other week 😂😂😂

ALTHOUGH it IS before B-Man knows he’ll be able to relocate everyone, so maybe that was part of the reasoning?? See, this is what happens when you wip something for TWO YEARS. 30k later ur a mess

Also, hate that Quintin is spelt Quintin. Mostly bc spell check hates it. Sorry spell check, BUT THAT’S HOW IT’S SPELT IN TSC1 END CREDITS

Anyway I think Curtis deserves a little credit, as a treat, and I’m SOFT for B-Man being soft with the elves 🥺

especially since he gets really, really, really into the Resort stuff (that’s canon, you saw him in the last movie!)

Quarantine 2020 Reference: “And for now, it’s the new normal”

we’ve all heard it at this point, even B-Man apparently

also, totally forgot that I had established a LOCKDOWN before covid19 did lmao, almost thought it was another quarantine reference

Scene 4: Frost Mansion/Manor

was two scenes, fixed it to be one scene! one of the many, many, many, MANY edits I was doing up until I finally posted the chapter. This year took SOO MUCH EDITING

the Blaise making a room scene was literally just so I could show off that I finally figured out how warlocks worked in CS :D

AND I FINALLY GOT TO MAKE THE SALARIED/HOURLIED JOKE I’VE BEEN DYING TO MAKE FOR YEARS!!

Legates are salaried! That’s a Crystal Springs FACT

anyway I think about how jelly like the magic in tsc series is. do you? i think about it a lot. like, you could chose any kinds of sounds, and you go for slurping? icky

Scene 5: City Square; Scene 6: Meeting with Governor Blaise

This scene. was another one. that got rewritten way too many times. Idk what it is about Y10, but I could NOT get things sounding decent on the first try for like, MOST of the scenes! Except for the last one, lmao. I’ve had that written for a year :)

it was another opportunity for lore drop tbh, i’m shameless

on that note, I’d like to thank Assasin’s Creed: Valhalla for teaching me what a MOOT is, historically speaking! I read it and was like so THAT’S what CS does! Aight, neat!

“Blaise said with a grin, opening his arms” similar to how Jack said. three or four scenes back 🙃🙃 I didn’t even realize the parallel until the third in process read through!

(Scene 7 is the Council Meeting, and not much BTS info exists for it so we skip!)

Scene 8: Ley Lines

MY BIGGEST MOST GINORMOUS THANKS EVER TO @shittyelfwriter​ BECAUSE I WOULD NOT! HAVE COME TO THIS CONCLUSION WITHOUT HER HELP!

She had the brilliant idea of Christmas trees being like beacons? And chatted with me for a good two or three hours one winter evening in 2020 to help me workshop this idea!

there was another idea of the stockings delivering the gifts but it was knocked down lol, if the trees are calling in the gifts then why on earth would they come shooting through the stockings?

besides, stockings are their own spawn points!!! they gotta be filled with STUFFERS like FUZZY SOCKS, AND CANDY, AND CHOCOLATE!!

no idea how I connected everything together afterwards, tho. Maybe that’s why this year took two whole years to write 😲😲

anyway, yeah, no, thank you SO much as usual ana for being your amazing self FILLED with BRILLIANT ideas and letting me pick from your genius!! something something we stan??? is that meme dead yet?

(oh! and if u squint...u can see Winter watching for frozie Jacquie)

Scene 9: The First Check In

Once again, i have Jacqueline noticing that someone looks slightly different to acknowledge changes in the movies! This edition: Curtis’s growth spurt and slightly deeper voice 👀

(the voice bit was shoehorned in very last minute 🤫)

I ALSO started dropping hints about how Curtis gets very into the Resort later on. I mean, I thought he was way too invested when Scott finds him at the Resort! He was not as disgruntled as any of the other elves were. I’m running with the subtext >:)

FUN FACT: this is where I left off when I initially started doing this Frostmas BTS. I had not made it very far. ONWARDS

Scene 10: Everything Moves Fast

My one regret with this chapter is settling on "New Elfsburg" before placing it in a valley. "Elfsburg Valley" is just so...chef's kiss

BOOM! ELLE DROP! I've got plans for Ms Elle come next chapter. You guys probably won't like it, but uh, I will enjoy the reveal immensely >:)

"saying you were part of Health and Safety went a long way with ordinary beings" -> I'd like to thank Doctor Who episode "Partners in Crime" for this one! I watched it a LOT during the two years of writing this chapter took. It was a rough two years and I was taking all the comfort I could get while isolated from my fiance and my family and LITERALLY EVERYONE

Scene 11: Bag Heist

oh my god this scene. this scene is so good for so many reasons

Jacqueline being an ass

Jack being an ass

God tier frozie sibling banter

Jacqueline acting almost EXACTLY like Jack would just to bug him--hammering home the theme of "becoming what you fear most >:)"

Also, it was so much fun to write! It was goddamn hilarious!

"Do your kids really want the flu?" I asked, hands on my hips. "Because a kid sneezed all over the place a few photos ago, and we need to sanitize this asap. Maybe even close it off for the day."

-> More Covid Nuggets lol

"Barry, right? You chased me out of storage the other day! I remember that, that was fun! How's your arm?"

-> Jacqueline is very much causing trouble and I am trying to really really reinforce that lmao. She's on a first name basis with some of the guards!

"Sorry Barry, but I have the high ground now" -> for some reason, my friend sir eng and my fiance got really into quoting that specific phrase re: Star Wars:

just before my household shifted and we went FULL lockdown, my (now) fiance (then boyfriend) came up for a visit and marathoned Star Wars with our friend Sir Eng while I was working

(I think that's how it went! May have been my other housemate, and then Sir Eng said it to Fiance and it went downhill from there. Idk man. April-Oct 2021 was kind of a blur)

it went downhill from there, haha. It was a popular turn of phrase up until Sir Eng moved out!

FUN FACT: Jacqueline has never seen a Star Wars :)

"That wasn't rhetorical, Jacqueline. Why is it you're holding Santa's bag? Don't you have citrus to freeze? Noses to get all runny?"

"Not until 3," I said, to more laughter.

Thank you based Spongebob for the ABOVE reference :)

Scene 12-14: It's DORMANT

So, my running gag for this year of Frostmas is basically this:

And it SHOWS in this scene, especially! More on that in a mo!

"The Workshop itself had been designed to be a bit smaller, to be ready in time for toy making. It felt a lot bigger on the inside thanks to some brilliant engineering on Quintin's end"

->this is 100% a dr who/British joke, a la this scene from Phineas and Ferb's Avengers crossover. (starts at about 1:20 in in case the link didn't work the way I hoped it would). It lives rent free in my head for whatEVER reason, especially since I never saw the entire episode!

but also, like, why WOULDN'T they have it be bigger on the inside? They're MAGICAL. SUSPEND THE DISBELIEF! anyway.

""At this point, I don't care how you got it. I'm just glad you got it." Bernard said, gently taking the bag off of my arm."

->and so it begins! B-Man literally does not care, he just wants to get this moving and try his bestest to save cribmas 🥺🥺

"Everything dies eventually. Even us," Bernard pointed out.

"You must be fun at parties," I said, thrown off guard.

they are at their WORST! BMAN IS DEPRESSED AF! JACQUELINE IS FROZEN AF! I AM THRIVING!

And Winter is in her element! She's got very mom energy. I'm hoping to explain why she's quietly lurking in the next chapter, but basically she has the BIG WORRY for both Jacqueline AND Bernard! She knows Jacquie's frozen, as we see in the final scene. she's doing her best to be there but NOT be overbearing

And Bernard is doing her a real big worry, too! Her mom senses are going crazy

(Winter would've been gr8 at being the next Mother Nature. She declined when approached by MN when the Legate Law was put into place. More on that in Into the Shadows!)

"If you keep clenching your jaw like that, you're going to need a night guard" -> You'll never guess who did, in fact, get a night guard around this time (last March)

if you guessed me, you are so correct lmao. again, one of those oh hey! I recall why this went in! What a crazy thing to look back at! anyway it's done wonders for stress headaches, and I'm positive Bernard would benefit from having one lmao

Ah yes. A bit of sillies before we head into the BERNARD DOES DUMB SHIT portion! Little Shop of Horrors was the first production I saw "post" covid. I quite liked it. The puppet for Audrey 2? AMAZING.

Jacqueline's Interlude

I just had to edit the Jacqueline interlude because holy guacamole, were there EVER spelling mistakes GALORE. It's like, did I miss that section ENTIRELY?! DAMN.

Anyway, it's kinda funny, I remember getting to that part and having to take a step back with all of the shit I was about to do--those three BANGERS of end scenes 😍😍--and straight up needing a moment to process it ebcause I couldn;t figure out how it all started

Mostly because Jacqueline was mum on the subject, if you can believe it. Can't blame her in the slightest, lol, but when ur characters get suddenly quiet while you're trying to tell their story? YEAH. IT'S A PROBLEM

SO. TAKE THE STEP BACK, SEE WHERE JACQUIE'S AT, AND THEN FIND A GOOD WAY TO GET ON WITH THE NEXT THREE BANGERS!

This was ALSO a fun spot to shoehorn in some ah, CS government lore >:) Do I know how their system works? YES! Do I know wtf it is? NO! But it seems to work for them so YEAH, ENJOY THE LORE

THE LAST THREE SCENES (14-16)

Looking back at these now have me cackling, I really went BAM! BAM! BAM! with a bat to everyone's knees, huh? Anyway

YEAH. WOW. you know, this whole section was unplanned. Like, the bag failing? Unplanned--kinda just happened as I wrote! Bernard doing the dumb shit? Not planned, but the moment I had the bag low on magic, I went ah. yes. Bernard would 100% do his best to help save it, given everything he's sacrificed and lost so far

And Jacqueline would be MAD about it, given the ENTIRE situation that Frostmas is/has caused and also, the FROZEN THING

My god, tho. I really feel for Bernard, you know? It's just. WOW. after all of that everything, you just really, really, really want, need something to go right. I feel like we've all probably been there before!

But yeah, everyone's really at their lowest low here

And even with their sibling-esque banter, Berline is still not doing so HOT

AND THEN THE KICKER! THE FROZEN-NESS! AH!

I had that final scene written for YEARS. I think since year 8 went up? My GOD. Been biting my tongue for WAY TOO LONG to try and avoid spoilers but boy am I GLAD it's OUT NOW! AH!

This year of Frostmas decked me lmao. WOWIE. Anyway, plz enjoy the Y10 bts! and the MEMES! I'm HOPING this kick starts my ass into figuring out why Y11 isn't quite VIBING rn 🤔🤔🤔

[depressedhatakekakashi]

I love Kakashi and Sasuke equally, and I like when fans see both points of view, I love how you rewrote that scene (the one with Kakashi showing his anger with Sakura), it's perfect. I also understand both characters, even though Kakashi knew Sakura's intentions, when he arrived on the scene he only saw Sasuke trying to kill her (S*suke's fandom never thinks about it) so I understand Kakashi and it seems dumb to me to hate him just for that, it's as if I hate Sasuke without taking into account why he's like that, it doesn't make sense. But well in summary I love how you wrote the scene!!

People definitly do hate Sasuke for stupid reason’s, espeshally dude bro’s. I’ve seen a lot of it so i get Sasuke fan’s frustration, but doing the exact same to another character who in the long run didn’t hurt Sasuke is what gets me

There are tons of characters who legit hurt Sasuke, but there’s this strange obsession with being angry at Kakashi

Ya some of the things he does is frustrating and sometimes we want more from him in terms of being angry at sakura (or even Naruto) for how they act toward Sasuke

Those are valid things to be frustrated about

But to take a scene where Kakashi does something a lil wrong by not acting the way we’d have liked or taking sides against sasuke, and making Kakashi out to be ten times worse than he actually is, isn’t actually doing anything

Kakashi didn’t just tell Sasuke he almost killed Sakura cuz he has a favorite student. He did that because that IS what happened. When Kakashi save’s sakura her back is turned to Sasuke. When Naruto saves her, that’s when she is 100% attacking first

And i’d LOVE for him to have recognized that and given Sakura more shit (might have to write a continuation of that scene where he does) hut to act as though Sasuke was only defending himself (which i did make the mistake of doing before re-reading) is unfair

Saying Kakashi called Naruto and Sai ‘problem teammates’ when what he actually asked was if they got into a fight is just dishonest, but sakura fan’s do that shit too. I’ve seen the confession where one of them tried to play it up like sakura was asking for training and kakashi just stone cold ignored her when that’s not at all what happened

So Sasuke fan’s arn’t alone

It’s a fandom wide problem and it’s not Kakashi alone

Sasuke and naruto fan’s do it to Sakura

Naruto fan’s do it to sasuke

Sasuke and Sakura fan’s do it to Naruto

It’s so perverse in fandom and i hate it cuz it just tells me people didn’t actually read/watch the content before deciding to inflate every issue so the characters actions are way worse than they actually are

[sallysellsseashellssundays]

Disclaimer: This post is going to be Anti Moffat for anyone who’s reading and is a fan you’ve been warned.  

“The Girl Who Waited” is the tenth episode and I found myself bored once again which has happened far more in S6 than ever before unfortunately.

The Good: Amy and the Doctor’s phone/Twitter moment lol. “What’s the answer to not getting killed?” and so many other great Rory moments he’s for sure one of my fave companions now! I really liked that Rory seemed to be coming to a lot of realizations regarding how difficult it is to travel with the Doctor like Rose did in “The Impossible Planet” two parter, Martha in the “Human Nature” two parter, and Donna in “The Fires of Pompeii”. I liked that older Amy also seemed to have a similar journey through all the waiting, but that was taken away when she “died”.

The Bad: Amy creating a paradox seems irresponsible for someone who’s a more experienced companion tbh, I didn’t like it when Rose did it but she had been traveling with Nine for like 6 months at that point so I think she gets a teeny bit more leeway. Although to be fair to Amy she’s traveling with a version of the Doctor that’s not the best role model he’s...more reckless with time (obviously not counting Time Lord Victorious lol) like in the Xmas special when Eleven rewrote an entire man’s life! Eleven had the right idea with not saving older Amy but he did go about it in such a cold and cruel way. The entire episode is a similar theme to “Father’s Day” but a version of Amy from a different time stream who will cease to exist although emotionally painful for Rory in the same way that it was for Rose actually sounds far kinder than having the original person die like Pete had to--at least at the end of the day he still has Amy. It’s an interesting moral/emotional dilemma but it felt like it was so much more well done in “Father’s Day” so this episode felt incredibly lackluster imo.

The Worst: Amy definitely always has to wait- 12 years when she first met the Doctor, I think one week after the Silence took her, one month after she gave birth, all summer while Eleven was looking for Melody, one week in the Red Waterfall room, 36 years until Rory came face to face with her again. Rory also waited 2000 (?) years as a Roman. And I guess to me it just seems like overkill to have all of that “waiting”. In this series we have seen the main characters dying over and over again as well. I think maybe one of the reasons I was unimpressed with the episode is that I’ve seen these themes repeat so many times that I'm not affected anymore--it was supposed to be an emotional moment but I really didn’t feel anything at seeing older Amy “dying” tbh. And all of the emotions older Amy had at having to wait 36 years/feeling abandoned disappeared the instant she was gone since our Amy didn’t go through any of that. Unless it’s mentioned again later I feel like our Amy missed out on the journey older Amy went through in terms of her own worth.

The Unresolved: The different time streams was confusing but I can suspend my disbelief for that--we’ll just say it’s a timey wimey explanation lol.

Overall I feel like the episode was boring and imo it fell flat since it’s a theme we’ve seen before (and done better). It’s a shame b/c on the surface it feels like it would be an interesting way to develop Rory and Amy’s relationship and to show that Rory cares for Amy no matter what version or time stream she’s in. It would have been a chance to allow Amy to reevaluate the trust she places in Eleven but that was gone with older Amy. It did make me see Eleven a bit differently, I’ve noticed he’s much ruder and detached from his friends than Nine and Ten and perhaps it’s time I see him as just being a version of the Doctor who has gone through so much and made so many difficult decisions that he’s going to be unlikeable.

Side note: this reminded me of “New Earth” as well with the Doctor and his companion getting separated at the elevator, no sickness theme/hospital-like setting. Also, the room with the buttons that take you to entertainment zones makes me think that’s what the inside of the TARDIS must be like with endless beautiful rooms, I really wish we got to see the inside of the TARDIS more!

[evilwickedme]

What you need to know first is 1. I've been doing this every year since 2015 on my facebook and 2. I don't allow repeats which is frustrating at times but I think forces me to actually think about what I'm putting on my list instead of regurgitating the same thoughts every time

also here's a reminder that these lists are inherently subjective let's go

10. Meet Me in the Middle by Alex Light

This book expressed things about grief I've been trying to express for literal years better than I ever have. I spent a whole day reading it in between helping customers at work and commuting and eating and I'm like 40% sure I cried in public.

4 stars

9. Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson (read in Hebrew as אלה המכושפת)

Not by any means the first time I've read this book and I did have to doublecheck I've never put it on any top ten lists before. Honestly not sure what I was reading that I thought was so much better than Ella Enchanted. Ella Enchanted is the fucking best.

5 stars

8. The Wolf and the Woodsmen by Ava Reid

I'm sooo glad I finally picked this up after almost a year of owning it. My review of it on GR goes as follows: "Stories about stories my beloved, fantasy with great real world commentary my beloved, complex and accurate representation of Jewish people my beloved." So, yeah, love this book. Great story, great themes, we all need to discuss the fact that religion being part of the government is always bad no matter which religion it is more.

4.5 stars

7. The Return of Superman by lots and lots of people

The conclusion to the Death of Superman arc made me think, a lot. I thought about who Superman is, both in the DC universe and in reality, about what he represents. How we view him. These four different Supermen who rise in Kal-El/Clark's absence all represent, meta-textually, something about Superman or the way we, the audience, look at Superman. It's only been a little over a week since I finished this and I'm still processing it. I do think after an explosive introduction to each Superman it takes a long time for the plot to actually get going, but I liked that we spent so much time with Lois' grief and experiencing the same confusion as her over who these Supermen are, and I think the actual plot turned out to be really electric. Also, when Superman DOES return, he says "always be prepared" and pulls out a GUN, which is iconic.

4.5 stars

6. Greywaren by Maggie Stiefvater (The Dreamer Trilogy #3)

It actually hurts me to put a Stiefvater book so low on my list, but as much as I loved this book, it simply could never be what I wanted it to be. That said, after the disappointment that was the previous installment in the series, I'm actually really happy to have Greywaren warrant a place in the top ten at all. I think Stiefvater had a lot to say on what art and creation are, and I think she said that very well. I just felt like a lot of the characters lacked the depth I'm used to from her writing. Like, with her other series or standalones, even background characters feel like real people. Meanwhile, I don't understand the motivation behind the series' main villain's actions. Like, why were they doing anything. Literally why. That said, I sobbed at the end because this is the last book in the world started in the Raven Boys.

So yeah a very biased 5 stars

5. Deadpool by Posehn & Duggan volume #6 Original Sin and vol #8 All Good Things

This is my favorite Deadpool run. I was ACTUALLY going to put Deadpool (2015) issue #20 here but apparently I already used that another year and I have a no doubles rule, so I'll just put my favorite volumes of my favorite Deadpool run here. In vol 6 we deal with my favorite character in the Deadpool cast and honestly we get some pretty raw storytelling. In vol 8 we get the best ending a DP story could possibly get.

5 stars each

4. Batman: Under the Red Hood by Judd Winick

Objectively this book should not be this high. Subjectively, this book rewrote my brain chemistry and actually should be number one on this list. I've compromised.

5 stars

3. The Life of Gwen Stacy by Jason Latour (Spider-Gwen vol #6)

I seem to have a thing for endings on this year's list. I wonder what that says about me. Anyway I love the Spider-Gwen series so goddamn much (Spider-Man/Spider Gwen: Sitting in a Tree also deserves a lot of love fyi) and this one's my favorite of the bunch. The plot twists and meta commentary in this one... I didn't even cover it in my lecture there was too much to say

5 stars

2. Rogue Protocol by Martha Wells (The Murderbot Diaries #3)

I binge-listened to all of the Murderbot Diaries series in a very short period of time, and this one was the one that affected me emotionally the most. All of them are really fucking good, though. You know how everybody's been saying for the past few years that if you like scifi at all you should try reading the Murderbot Diaries? Yeah, you should try reading the Murderbot Diaries. Most deeply human character I have ever had the pleasure of being inside the head of, and they're not even 100% human.

5 stars

1. I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

I am not the only one who's put this book at the top of their list this year and there is very good reason for that. I've been listening to celebrity autobiographies for years. I think it's just a fascinating genre. These people who perform for a living, performing their own lives for me. They always narrate their own books, too. It's an interesting time.

Jenette McCurdy was not performing in this. Her tone barely varied the entire time she read her book aloud. She very coldly states exactly what happened, both in prose and in tone, and you just have to sit with these horrors of the reality this child lived through and process it, because Jenette McCurdy sure as fuck isn't going to hold your hands through it.

5 stars

have a great year, y'all, and a many pleasant reads

Trying very hard to do my yearly top ten reads but I just

I think I read too much. Somebody take my personal library and kindle and marvel unlimited and comixology and time off at work at a bookstore away from me

[angelfireeast]

Superman was the test run for Mon-El

It feels like the CW & writers were testing the waters with Superman to see fans would accept shift to a shiny white pretty boy as the unofficial male lead who is given equal screen time as Kara. Shift the style of show from girl power all things from s1 to more CW formula with lots of ships and pretty white boy head lining things hoping to bring in ratings. It’s eerie how some things played out to parallel 2x01 & 2x02 with Superman & Mon-El, other character reduced roles playing the same across the season.

2x01 & 202 New white male character upstages Supergirl. The heavy promotion of new white male character which over took SG almost which not so subtle hint on who the CW thought would sell and thus prioritized. Shifting the focus from Kara to a male character who wasn’t part of season one cast. It’s SG’s opening on the CW but everything was Superman, Superman, Superman. Tyler H was at comic con for crying out loud. I know Superman’s a big draw and I don’t want to downplay how big he is but every interview was more about him then celebrating & selling Supergirl. Some fans of the show where okay with Superman being so heavy promoted because they are fans of Superman as well. Other fans of the show were less impressed and saw how problematic it was.

2x03 to 2x14 New white male character upstages Supergirl. Shifting the focus from Kara to a male character who wasn’t part of season one cast. Mon-El took center state building more strength with each pass through each episode like a wracking ball. Heavy promotion of the new white male character again. Mon-El is in every press release, every trailer, every series of photos released, and even got a episode poster. Kara becomes defined by Mon-El because she has no other story. His screen time equals hers & at times she feels like side player in his story. The romantic plot overtakes the characters instead supporting the character’s story. The promise of Kara’s big journalist career fizzled out. Kara’s relationships have all taken a back seat to Mon-El as he becomes the center of her world thus the center of the show. Everything Kara does is tied back to Mon-El. Mon-El has well and truly taken over SG.

2x01 & 202 James Olsen had very little screen time, he was of main story nor had an independent B story and karolsen ended. Kara & James’s feelings light switched off because writers decided they wished to go racism with new white character Mon-El as love interest. You have Clark Kent and Jimmy Olsen on screen at the same time but still James was in the episodes for 5 minutes? Seems pretty fishy when best friends with Clark, Kara & Winn & works with Cat & as connect to the Luthors being Superman’s best friend & photo journalist YET still they couldn’t find anything for him to do in 2 eps. James was promoted to C.E.O of CatCo off screen and had major romantic storyline ended rushed in the last 3 minutes of episode in badly written manner. Heck we heard more about Winn’s change in career quitting the CatCo and being hired at the DEO then James being promoted to C.E.O. James Olsen was ghost not a leading man in these two episode despite having many logical & easy connections to many characters and plot & being the leading male actor.

2x03 to 2x14 James Olsen’s screen time has decreased over 11 9 episodes. He was just missing with no explanation for 2 episodes in a row. James and Kara’s interaction has decreased as well. He was subjugated off with own small story with Winn about becoming a hero Guardian. Since James still mostly at CatCo he still largely only interacting with Winn since Kara is hardly at Catco anymore. James only appears if something major happens like the secret of Guardian came out or there was upset over Guardian. With Kara’s lack of interest in her career and normal life, which was very important theme in s1, James, CatCo & journalism fall by the waste side. James at not being at the DEO really keeps him isolated because do no have real interaction anymore. Everyone is off in their own corners doing their own thing. James is still listed as the leading man of the show but sure doesn’t feel like it as he loses screen time, still doesn’t seem important to over all plot, to Kara, or very connected to anything. Winn feels more important then James right now. Mon-El feels 110% more important then James. James Olsen is becoming more then ghost. Ghost appear from from time to time. People are posting missing person flyers every episode for James.

2x01 & 2x02 Danvers sister relationship takes a back seat to Superman. Alex and Kara’s relationship becomes strained as Kara chooses to spend all her time with Clark ignoring of Alex. Until there is big fight over Kara’s wanting move to be closer to Clark. 2x02 ends with Kara sitting besides Mon-El’s bed talking about how she’s going to help him on Earth and they he attacks her. That’s some serious foreshadowing there for their relationship but also for what’s to come with Alex and Kara. No longer will episodes end with Kara and Alex together.

2x03 to 2x14 Danvers sister relationship takes a back seat to Mon-El. Each sister goes off towards their respective love interest and only come back to meet each other here and there. The sisterly relationship becomes secondarily to ships to the writers. Also Sanvers is secondary to Karamal which gets all screen time because Mon-El gets all screen time. When it should be Kara and Alex together it’s Mon-El with Kara such as 2x14 Homecoming. No longer do episodes end with Danvers sisters together in Kara’s apartment. The sister talk but it’s mostly about their love lives. Even Kara’s earth birthday is made into a ship thing aka all about Mon-El instead a Danvers sister thing.

Under the cut is Winn, Lena, Cat, Mon-El & Kara and my final thoughts on this as whole.

2x01 & 2x02 Winn works at the DEO thus interacts with everyone. He’s big fan of leading white male star and interacts with him. He loves Superman and gets hug before he leaves. Winn is suddenly super useful being able to suddenly read kyptonatian writing and be able to build anything they need to fight the bad guys. It felt to me like they wanted Cisco Ramon but they had Winn so they upgrading his skills and stuck him at the DEO. Winn interacts with Kara, Alex, Superman, J’onn. Cue witty joke.

2x03 to 2x14 Winn working at the DEO still remains more more at the center of things and connected to everyone. He gets slightly more scene time then James but first half of season that wasn’t always meaningful screen time. Sometimes it’s just make witty comments. But over all he’s had more development with Guardian, being buds with Mon-El, almost being killed/going off world first time and now getting romantic sub plot rushed though it maybe. Winn’s relationship with Kara is still extremely minor much like everyone else relationship with Kara. He talks to her at work but again it’s like ships passing at night hardly anything meaningful. We see them in the random group friends scene or he talks about the her but Winn is victim like Alex and James of Kara’s lack of relationships. Winn seems to character the writers care more about them James. Which was something we saw in 2x01/2x02 Superman episodes and is played out long term over season two. I think Winn gets more love from the writers because he’s Mon-El’s bud, he’s easy with witty comment and sits at easy juncture point at the DEO unlike James, Maggie, Lena, or M’gann. But you can’t deny the is some racism at play in this because J’onn is in same place as Winn but has had reduced screen time and even more reduced interaction with everyone. With stupid reasons to get rid of J’onn but involve Winn & mostly Mon-El like J’onn can’t breath air on that planet. J’onn is sick or just busy.

2x01 & 202 Lena Luthor is introduced but it isolated character that is only Kara’s friend.

2x03 to 2x14 Lena Luthor is a isolated character that is only Kara’s friend. We get backstory about Lena, we see Lena choose being good over her family and we see Lena has awesome friend to Kara. But Lena is as isolated as James is. It’s like ships passing in the fog when characters interact. James, Winn, Alex and even Maggie met Lena but there nothing there between the character. Zero connection. The writers simply don’t care at all connecting characters or relationships or Kara’s normal life. If this was s1 Lena would be at game night with James, Winn, Alex, Maggie & Mon-El. Having Lena so isolated limits her and limits how far relationships can grow. Just like James off in his corner and Maggie off in her corner and Alex off in another corner limits them all. It feels like nothing is growing or developing as whole. Think of 14 episodes in s1 wroth of development and you feel the complete lack of development on the show in s2.

2x01 & 202 Cat Grant decides to move away. Kara feels abandoned and says she doesn’t cope well with change in her life and lost without her.

2x03 to 2x14 Cat Grant has been gone for 11 episodes. Kara is struggling with abandonment issues due to the changes in her life. Kara is coping badly without Cat helping be the best she can be. Half the show seems to have left with Cat as Kara’s normal life is no longer important. Cat is mentioned once but not when she should be. She isn’t mentioned when Lirewire escapes jail instead she’s mentioned during the Valentines Day ep as ‘Mrs Grant use to eat here a lot I can get you a table.’ Another sign of show treat of not focusing on what’s important details for characterization but prioritizing ship related things.

2x01 & 202 Kara sitting besides Mon-El’s bed with open heart talking about how she’s going to help him on Earth and they wakes up he attacks her for no reason.

2x03 to 2x14 Kara opens her life, her day job, the DEO, her family, herself to Mon-El in every way possible and get gets a lost grief back from him for her trouble. First when she gets him job, then when tries to make a better person, then when they start dating it kicks into a whole new level of grief. When the going gets tough Mon-El’s default seems to be lash out verbally attacker Kara. Which how it mirror 2x02. I could list all times it’s happened and ways he’s hurt and how she keeps coming back opening herself up to him with hope of better things but that would make for very long post. It’s not the biggest parallel but I thought I’d add it on anyway.

Of course this doesn’t cover everything. Like J’onn’s reduced screen time over the course of the season. OR how M’gann’s storyline was going to turn out. Or how Maggie and Alex only get five minutes of screen time here and there. Though you could argue that Alex’s reduce screen time in 2x01 & 2x02  foreshadowed Alex’s ongoing small screen time because Alex=Sanvers small screen time. It’s all symptom of the same disease.

I just thought about it mostly with James and went ‘wait a minute this playing out the same as it did in Superman episodes’. I don’t for one minute think the writers are sitting deciding “I’m going to James no screen this week because that’s what we did in the Superman episodes.” That’s not what I’m saying at all. I just think the CW and writers were testing the waters of plan for season. Less James, less importance on Danvers family, make shiny white male the unofficial lead and give him equal screen time as Kara. Shift the style of show from s1 to more CW formula with lots of ships and pretty white boy head lining things hoping to bring in ratings.

I think one of many reasons the Mon-El will work because Superman worked for two episodes line of thinking fails is

It’s Superman. Big comicbook following. Beloved character. Nice guy. People wanted to see him and the show did pretty good by the character. 2) Superman was short term. He took over 2 eps but he at least had family ties to Kara which made things interesting. Again comicbook history which lot of people were interested in. Not sure how long term it would’ve lasted. Because it wouldn’t be Supergirl’s anymore just like it now I don’t feel like Supergirl anymore.

Clark Kent is good man. Mon-El is misogynist who openly complains that he misses being on world where he could objectify women. He’s not hero or good man or even decent person. This story of Kara making him into good person is painful. Watching him date her and disrespect her and treat her badly but say ‘I’m sorry give me another chance I swear I’ll do better next time’ but next time he does the same is disgusting. I’m sorry I don’t want to watch five minutes of like Mon-El let alone have him take over the show hurting every relationship and taking screen time from all the characters. At least Superman was good character but Mon-El is just worst. Like the worst. He’s the opposite of everything I think of when I think of this show. He’s the opposite of Supergirl and everything she stands for. I watch this show to get away from characters like him or at least I use to. For some god forshaken reason the writers decided they wanted to add pretty white boy to show who take over show and get equal screen time to Kara and they DECIDED TO MAKE HIM A MISOGYNIST?! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH THAT WHEN THEY CAME TO WATCH SHOW ABOUT BASE OF THE IDEA OF GIRL POWER?

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

The Reaper and the Death Angel Part 13

I have rewrote this chapter so many times, I'm not really happy with it but I can't do any better. I really really hope you guys enjoy it. I can't even begin to express how much I appreciate and value every note and bit of feedback I get, this series has been about 1/4 as popular as my Vikings one but everytime I see a new note it gives me the motivation to keep going. Thank you, truly thank you.

Part 12

Series Masterlist

Contains: Serious angst and injury, follows the plot of the Bones episode Aliens in a Spaceship S2 E9, being buried alive, angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective Jax, if I forget any please don't hesitate to comment.

3.4K Words

Comment if you want to be tagged

Buried alive

You were swamped, having to give Skeeter his private tour had taken up most of your yesterday and you were pretty sure the current remains you were looking were that of the mob boss Anthony 'Slick Tony' Barbrow.

"The beetle found in the skull is the standard carrion beetle, it gives us nothing. I'm going to try and look at the sediment again." You shook your head.

"Thanks Jack, I think I'm going to head home after I finish cataloguing these X-rays, I'm beat." He tapped the wall in sympathy and walked back to his office."

Ring ring ring

"Hello Sammy, is there a reason you're calling me in the middle of the worst work week in the year?"

You heard him take a deep breath over the line, "Are you alone?" You shook your head even though he couldn't see.

"Yes I'm alone. What's going on?" Sam didn't sound happy.

"I heard the Slick Tony might be on your slab." That was a bit of a shock.

"Yeah, what the fuck is going on Sam?" He was talking to someone else in the room with him.

"He owes the Italians a lot of money, if it's him they have a real problem." You rubbed your face with your hand.

"I'm certain it's him, we're just waiting in the DNA. Is this Cacuzza's crew or someone else?" Sam sounded exasperated.

"Another crew. Be careful y/n, these guys aren't playing and they want their money one way or another." You took a deep breath.

"Thank Sam. I'll be home soon." You packed your bag and put some files into it before walking down to the parking lot. You felt someone behind you but it was too late, there was a sharp pain on your neck and then everything faded. You never saw the two men load you into the car, nor did you see them run over Jack and take him too.

Sam was worried sick, you were late and you were never late without letting him know first. Deep down, he knew something was very wrong.

He had called you hundreds of time now with no answer, there's no way you let him worry like he was worried now, so he did the only thing he could think of and called your best friend.

"Billy, have you heard for y/n?"

There was silence across the line, "No, call the other members and tell them you think something's wrong, I'm telling my guy to ready the jet now."

He was going to run off when he got a knock on the door, it was Deputy Hale.

"Hello Sam, can I come in?" Sam's first urge was to tell him to come back with a warrant but he knew something was wrong. He settled for stepping outside and taking to Hale on the front steps.

"Three hours ago, security cameras picked up your sister being taken by two men. A few moments later Dr. Jonathan Hodgins was injured and then taken as well . "Would you know anything about this?" Sam was in shock, his world started spinning and he reached out to grab the doorframe.

"No, I knew something was wrong when she didn't return my calls. She been busy all week with a Mob case, that's all I know." Hale nodded.

"Thank you Sam, stay in reach and we'll call you when we know more. Hale left and Sam went inside, he picked up his phone and called Clay.

"Y/n and one of her colleagues have been kidnapped. Get Cacuzza on the line now, I think it's got to do with the case they've been working."

****

The whole of Samcrow showed up ten minutes later, Jax looked like his whole world was ending.

"What do we know?" Clay's tone was firm.

"Nothing, Russo will be here soon, he's more able to help." Jax bristled.

"We shouldn't be bringing outsiders in..."

Sam cut him off, "I don't want to hear it, if you have the best intelligence at your fingertips I'd love to see it." The message was heard loud and clear "shut up, civilian."

"We need to get Cacuzza up to speed, we should do the rest of this at the Clubhouse, the cops are going to be hanging around us like flys. Y/n wouldn't appreciate anyone she doesn't know in her house." They left the moment Sam was done speaking.

He was right, the cops were hanging around like flys, Unser had given them 6 hours before he called the feds. This was one problem Clay couldn't manipulate him into leaving be.

Sam had managed to keep them away from your house, and Uncer had conceived Hale to wait for the kidnappers to make contact before setting anything else up. But it was only a matter of time before the cops took over and he lost you forever.

****

You woke up to a pounding in your head and the sound of someone groaning. It was pitch black, feeling around you realised you were in a car. You reached your hand out to find the light and turned it on. The radio worked but barely, another groan pulled you away and you looked behind you.

"Oh my God, Jack." His legs were a mangled mess, he was still barely conscious. "Go slow man, your legs are pretty bad." He looked down at them, then over at you.

You had to get out of here.

You went to open the door but it was blocked shut, when you rolled down the window, dirt poured into the car. You and Jack looked at each other.

"We're buried alive. We've been buried alive." He looked at you wide-eyed and terrified.

****

Cacuzza was waiting for them at the Clubhouse when they arrived, he was with two of his men. He looked unimpressed and irritated.

Hale showed up at the Clubhouse just after they did, he had an evidence bag in his hand.

"We found this on the side of the road, it's y/n weapons and her IDs same for Hodgins. We don't know if they have their phones, we're waiting on the trace." This didn't make Sam feel any better.

"Forget it, y/n friend is on his way. He'd already have the trace, we'll give it to you when we get it from him." Hale was going to keep going but the look on Sam's face would have killed a thousand men, so he left it.

A little while later, Cacuzza received a call; it was an automated voice.

"You have two hours to get up the four million dollars that Barbrow stole from us or we let Samcro's shot doc and her friend suffocate, being buried alive is not a fun way to go. If you contact the police or get anyone else involved, you will never know their location."

****

Billy arrived on foot, making sure to be as inconspicuous as possible. He walked into the Clubhouse like a dark cloud, he only acknowledged Sam, it was like the rest of them didn't exist.

"The trace cut off on the main highway out of Charming, just inside the woods. I've got two guys out there looking for the phone."

He looked around then outside to the cops, "can the lab help?"

Sam shook his head, "they've all been escorted home, the lab was pretty clear about the conflict of interet, we're lucky were not in the same position.

Cacuzza piped up "They said not to........." An icy chill came over the room and then Billy was walking up to Cacuzza. Billy towered over him, leaning over just so to make the power difference clear.

"If I hear from you for the rest of the day I will slit your throat, as far as I'm concerned this is your fault." Even after Billy walked away from him, the mood didn't change.

****

"The car radio still has a signal so we can't be buried that far down, we need to find a way to contact the outside." Jack was still groggy.

"I'll check the trunk." He moved slowly, pulling down the back seat to reach in. He pulled out a heap of things, one of your books, a first aid kit, and a small CB radio.

"Thank god we got taken in your car." He nodded and looked down at his legs again.

"Jack, you're going to get compartment syndrome if we don't do something with them." You and went rooting around in the first aid kit, after a while, you had a handful of tools and a small pocket knife laid out in front of both of you.

"Fasciotomies aren't fun but I've done them before. It's just two long quick cuts, one down each leg. All you need to do is take some deep breath, in and out, in and out. I'm not going to give you any warning, try not to go into shock." he nodded and you put knife to skin, there was the rush of blood and fluid and the sound of pained groans.

Jack was pale but still cognizant, "You good?" He gave you another nod.

"Much better."

****

Are we closer to getting that money?" Jax had been seconds away from putting his fist through the wall since Billy arrived. Cacuzza glanced at Billy then over to Jax. Billy turned his head just enough to acknowledge that the man was still there, "Well, speak?"

"I can't get that much money that fast, it's going to be a while." Sam strode over to him and picked him up by the collar.

"We don't have the fucking long, if it's not here within the hour, I'm going to start cutting hunks of flesh off your body, do you understand me?"

The remaining Sons looked at each other, they weren't in Kansas anymore.

****

"How are your legs?"

Jack took a deep breath. "Much better, the blood loss isn't as bad as I thought it would be." You leaned over to get a closer look.

"The cuts aren't that deep and the adrenaline is keeping blood away from the surface, if you had a deeper injury you'd have bled out by now." He deflated a bit, "sorry, I realise that probably didn't help." He waved his hand.

"Nah, I find your honesty reassuring." He took another deep breath, and reached for the radio. "We need to try and reach out." You nodded.

"It can't be to just anyone, we have no idea who's monitoring the lines and we are in no shape to fend anyone off." You paused in thought.

"I can try Anvil, they usally have a radio running all the time. While I do that, try and see if you can pull oxygen out of thin air."

"Morticia calling home base, Mortica calling home base, do you read me?"

Jack laughed, "Morticia?" You shook your head.

"A term of endearment, I got it a lot at school as an insult but one of the guys used it once when we were in the middle of an op out in the desert and it stuck."

****

"Mor....calling........base.......do..re....me." The man at the radio sat up, "tica.......home....ba......read....me." He didn't stop to listen any longer, he called Billy.

Billy's phone rang twice, and something in him told him to answer it.

"LT, I think I've got a CB transmission from Dr l/n, frequency 27.395." Juice ran off to the garage to find a CB radio and returned a few minutes later.

"Will this work?" Billy nodded and yanked it from his hands, he suppressed to urge to start shaking as he tuned it.

"Morticia, this is Blackbird come in. Blackbird calling Morticia."

****

"th........blackbird.....co...n."

You and Hodgins looked at each other "There's practically no signal." your rubbed your face, "It's close enough, keep working on that O2 scrubber, I'll see if I can get something across.

"Blackbird, Blackbird so you read me?" There was a sputter and a hint of a yes.

"This is ready to go" Jack was getting ready to pour something in a container, you nodded and there was a sizzling burst and it became much easier to breathe. "That bought us an hour or two."

You were looking around the car, trying to see if anything gave away your location.

"Can you smell that?"

Jack lifted his head and took a deep breath, "It smells like trees and sawdust."

You picked up some of the dirt in the car and rubbed your fingers in it. "Where do you think we are?" Jack picked up some dirt, sniffed it then licked his finger, he looked to the side in thought.

"We're near a forest, maybe a lumber yard?" You nodded aggressively.

"That makes sense, the soil is soft and there's easy access. The only thing is there are at least ten in the area." You looked at each other, this would not be easy.

****

"Lum.....rd........lumb....y...d" The radio chirped again, more nonsense.

Sam picked it up this time, "say again" there was a pause and then the voice was a little louder.

"Lumbe......"

Sam shot up and looked over at Cacuzza "The guy who's taken them, does he own any lumber yards?"

Cacuzza shook his head, "I don't know." Sam was going to start hitting the man when Jax cut in.

"Find out shithead."

****

"We're running out of air again"

Jack closed his eyes slowly, before opening them and looking around, "the spare tire in the trunk."

He took the knife off the seat and reached into the back to puncture it, there was a rush of air and a stale smell filled the car, you shrugged, "at least it's something."

"They're not going to make it in time, are they?"

You shook your head and reached for your book, "we should write some things down, just in case." Hodgins reached over a took the bit of paper out of your hands.

"I'm sorry we're in this mess Jack."

You put pen to paper, unsure of where to start.

Dearest Jackson, if you are reading this.....

*****

They had managed to keep the cops at bay until they found Billy's men and your phones on the side of the road, after that, Hale wouldn't leave the Clubhouse.

"If you know where they are we can help." Unser was doing his best to keep Samcrow in the driver's seat, but the feds would soon be getting involved if they didn't find you both by the end of the day.

Cacuzza had been busy with a phone call, hopefully trying to find out where you both were.

"Gallo owns two lumber yards close by, only one is off the highway where the phone was found." Billy was up and moving before anyone else even registered what was going on. Sam picked up the radio to let you know that was going on, not that he knew you'd be able to understand.

****

"..n....ay.....w."

You picked up the radio, "please repeat." There was a beat of silence, then another stutter, "On....y....now." You looked over at jack, so relieved you could cry, it was short-lived.

"We have to let them know we're here, how do we do that? There's got to be miles of cleared land." You looked down, maybe you were going to die here after all.

****

"Pull in here and go down that path." It didn't take them long to get to the lumber yard, when they got off their bikes and walked to the actual grounds it was clear they wouldn't be able to just find you, Sam tried the radio one last time.

*****

"We're here, where are you?"

It was clear as day, you look over at Jack, who looked like he was about to cry, "We can hear you loud and clear."

You pressed the horn, "Can you hear that outside?"

There was silence and then a reply, "No."

"What if we use the explosive charge from the air bag, we're not that far down, it should displace some dirt."

You clapped your hands together, "brilliant Jack, just brilliant."

You scrambled to give him some room, you felt like your head was underwater; you were running out of air again.

"If it doesn't work the force wave is going to kill us."

Jack looked at you then at the steering wheel, "at least it will be faster than running out of air."

****

"Look for changes in the dirt, overturned soil and depressions" Everyone scrambled to their own area of the space, the cops had shown up soon after everyone else had. Billy walked over to Unser and spoke in his ear, no one could hear them but Unser seemed to understand what he was saying.

It was useless, there was no indication that anything had been buried anywhere.

"We have an infrared camera on it's way, they'll have to hold out until then."

Jax rushed up to Hale, "they don't have that long asshole, don't you see how much ground we have to cover? You'd need a helicopter."

****

You had climbed into the back seat with Hodgins, you knew the blast would either get you out of kill you but you knew there was no way the people at the surface would find you without it.

"You ready?" You wrapped you in a hug and then nodded, "whatever happens here today, I want you to know that it's been an honour working with you Dr l/n."

You hugged his back, "the honour was all mine."

Bang

****

Jax saw it out of the corner of his eye, a puff of dirt, "THERE!!!" He ran over before anyone had to chance to register what he had said. Digging as fast as possible, he could feel splinters bare into his skin and then felt his fingers brush something soft. It was your hand, he didn't know where he conjured the strength from, but he managed to pull you out just by your wrist, he could vaguely sense other people around him pulling the dirt aside but all he could focus on was you.

"Jack...you need to get Jack." When he looked over, he could already see the top of the car, so he disobeyed your wishes and pulled you into an embrace.

"I knew you'd find me." He laughed, he couldn't tell whether you were being honest or just relieved you were alive.

"Of course I was going to find you, there's no way I was going to let anything happen to my favourite nerd."

You giggled and lifted a hand to stroke his face, "we really need to get Hodgins to the hospital."

*****

Much to Sam's chagrin, you checked out of the hospital against medical advice. You had just gotten out of the shower when Jax arrived, "how you doing Darlin?"

You waved him in and poured yourself more tea, "would you like some?" He nodded and you got him a cup.

"I'm ok, it's not the first time I've looked at death in the face and laughed. Hodgins will make a full recovery, I'm just pissed at myself that I didn't see it coming." he put a firm hand on your shoulder.

"You're not Wonder Woman y/n. You can't be ready for everything." Your shoulders slumped.

"It's a mob case, I should have seen this coming, I......I almost got one of my best friends and valued teammates killed. This is why I didn't want to work on active cases, it always ends like this." Jax frowned in sympathy.

"Russo said he said was going to talk to the museum about expanding the Anvil's contract, after this, he's pretty sure they'll have to say yes."

This was different from your typical dynamic, you were the one normally doing the soothing.

"Can I come and see Abel tomorrow?" Jax's heart broke at your tone, he didn't want to know what you were thinking about trapped in that car.

"Of course you can." Your resolve was crumping, there was no adrenaline left to keep you standing and you fell against Jackson's chest.

"I thought I was going to die Jax, I thought 'That's it. I've survived wars zone and mass graves only to die in some shit car in the middle of the California woods'."

You let out a pained laugh, Jax pressed you into him, "but you didn't die, you and Hodgins got yourself out and now you're home safe." He felt you nod.

"I think I better head off the bed, I'm going to need to sleep for the next week to recover." Jax huffed at you.

"Good idea, can I come by in the afternoon to check on you?" You nodded and pulled away

"Sure, I'd like that."

Jax fought the urge to fall over on your front steps, there was no doubt in his mind about his feelings for you after today. He loved you, with all his heart. He just didn't know how to tell you.

Part 14

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