#I definitely think I'm funnier than I really am

[theresthesnitch]

I've been writing Jily for the past 24 hours or so, and it feels like slipping back into a comfortable pair of pants. they've got such a lovely dynamic, and they're just so easy to write together.

[planetpiastri]

pairing: oscar piastri x fem!reader [no faceclaim] summary: you're a meme rapper with a cult following on youtube, and oscar is always in your comments, but it isn't until you release your first single that everyone puts two and two together. notes: this is one of the very first requests i ever received, and finally FINALLY it is done!! we are so back

liked by oscarpiastri, patriciooward, and others

ynusername guys if i wrote a song about dino nuggets would you unfollow me be honest

view all 1,458 comments

username1 yeah

ynusername 😔

oscarpiastri no

ynusername 😁

username2 maybe

ynusername i'm getting mixed signals

oscarpiastri

liked by ynusername, landonorris, and 502,876 others

oscarpiastri Oscar goes outside: Japan edition

view all 8,482 comments

username3 you're not even outside in any of these pictures oscar what

landonorris who are we getting dinner with, young man? 🤨

oscarpiastri My mum 😊 landonorris yeah right

username4 omg any yn fans in the comments?? mother liked the post 👀

username5 yeah they follow each other lol i don't think they've ever met though username6 they've definitely interacted, but yeah i think they're just like online acquaintances haha

ynusername nice berries mate

oscarpiastri Thanks, I've heard that before

liked by ynusername, oscarpiastri, and 251,876 others

mclaren Happy Birthday Oscar! 🥳

view all 7,654 comments

username7 guys why's oscar kinda...

username8 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??

oscarpiastri 😁😁😁

ynusername happy birthday. oscarpiastri Ok that's a lot of negative energy please step back username9 help these interactions are always so random??

username10 oscar's waist looking SNATCHED omg

username11 guys is this a safe space for me to confess something?

landonorris no, keep it to yourself

ynusername

liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant, and others

ynusername finally releasing a single woohoo!! 'bark bark' coming out april 19th on spotify and apple music ^-^

view all 1,874 comments

username12 OMG YESSSS

username13 WHAT YN THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!! CONGRATS!!!!!

oscarpiastri What's it about

ynusername you have to stream the song and find out silly oscarpiastri Is it about me ynusername oh my god

ynusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and others

ynusername the type of face you'd go to war for (look past the camera, he's shy)

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landonorris shucks, i'm blushing

ynusername i am so obviously not talking about you

username14 NEW MUSIC WHEN??

ynusername the single JUST came out CHILL!

username15 the last slide??

username16 new music hint? ynusername no that's just me talking about oscar and lando landonorris ....which one am i? ynusername i literally called you a slut nine times in suzuka username17 so oscar is lust???? oscarpiastri Thank you Barbie!!

liked by mclaren, ynusername, and 516,392 others

oscarpiastri Busy busy week, but glad the secret's out. My girlfriend is cooler and funnier than yours, by the way.

view all 7,990 comments

ynusername you're so hot i am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure

ynusername the hair?? the smile?? the grabbable waist?? WOW!!

ynusername gonna write another song about you

ynusername if i saw you in the street i'd catcall you

ynusername i want you.

oscarpiastri I love you too

username18 FKSDHJGLKHDJG IM SO HAPPY YN CAN BE UNHINGED AND CRAZY NOW GOOD FOR HER GOOD FOR THEM!!

request: hiiii babe! i love ur account! i was wondering if u could do an oscar piastri x meme rapper gf with an @addy_kate fc. like shes actually really funny and her music is oddly good (like tmg).

tagging: @thearchieves @sheridamn @nikfigueiredo @charlig123456789 @ilove-tswizzle @aandreea2005 @sideboobrry @vellicora @eire-the-egg @marymustdie @cocote1410 @taygrls @koalapastries @vroomvroommuppett @nichmeddar @d3kstar @333kiki @ririyulife @resident-swiftie @zimm04 @jupiter-je-taime @ever_bizzare @blue-isnt-avaliable @iifloweringnightsii @graciewrote @formulaal @m0cha-bunny @marvelsimps @mehrmonga @elliegrey2803 @theblueblub @gwginnyweasley @sltwins @f1kenzzz @alexmarie29 @donttouchthegnote @clemswrld @hollieeelol @leireggsworld @luvvtrent @maddie-naps @lilcowboy0 @tygecjjd @skepvids @bwddermilch @pnkwhskyprncss @notawc @landossainz @janegxi @chaotic_version @lookatitlaterlol @cometsrodrigo @lizzypiastri @nixisracing @lavviee @yaesflorist

if you want to be added to any of my taglists, fill out this form

[worstcharacterpoll]

[Image description: A tournament bracket of 32 contenders, labeled "Tumblr's most hated." The matchups on the left are Vriska vs. Pearl from SU; Rex from Victorious vs. Rick Sanchez; Ansem the Wise vs. Gul Dukat; Kylo Ren vs. Kokichi Ouma; Scrappy Doo vs. Sheldon Cooper; Pierre from Stardew vs. Mort from Madagascar; Seraphine from League vs. Heimskr; and Jurgen Leitner vs. Andre Glacier. The matchups on the right are Walter White vs. Light Yagami; Buck Cluck vs. Ross Geller; Bramblestar vs. Starlight Glimmer; Goro Akechi vs. Pariston Hill; Katsuki Bakugo vs. Berdly; Angel Dust vs. the Impostor; Olaf from Frozen vs. Hooty; and Zenos viator Galvus vs. Tony Stark. The bracket is red on a black background. End ID]

Here is the official bracket for the most Hated Character on Tumblr! Each round will last 24 hours, with a 12 hour break in between. Round 1 should start Feb 9, 2023 at 9:00 AM CST.

As a reminder, this tournament is for the characters that you hate the most, so always vote for your least favorite of the two options. The winner will be publicly executed.

FAQ under cut:

Q: Why did you put in x character and not y character? Aren't there more hateable characters from that franchise?

A: I wanted to keep the competition light-hearted, funny, and interesting. I intentionally avoided most shitty parent characters, dictators, characters who were meant to be hated, etc., as well as characters heavily associated with bigotry and sexual assault, and gravitated towards characters that were more divisive in fandom. Exceptions were only made for characters I am familiar enough with and can use my own judgement for. Using Zenos as an example: He is a villain who is very evil and meant to be hated, which I mostly avoided when taking suggestions for things I wasn't familiar with myself. However, he's very divisive between people who think he's a good interesting villain, people who don't think he's a good villain and don't like him in the story at all, and people who want him carnally. Walter White is also meant to be hated, but he has a meme status, and as a villain protagonist I think he's more interesting than most "meant to be hated" characters. Also, there are certain franchises that I simply didn't want to include. If JK Rowling wasn't such a real and horrible political presence, owing all her influence to Harry Potter, I would've definitely put Snape on the poll. As it stands, I don't really want to give HP any attention. TL;DR answer: Because it's funnier that way

Q: But I LIKE that character :(

A: As mentioned before, I specifically gravitated more towards characters who are more divisive rather than universally hated. They are usually more interesting, and there is more variety with those types of characters - you don't have shitty dad character #1 vs. shitty dad character #2. I actually looked for "anti-(character)" tags and discourse about that character when making decisions about who to include. lol If you actually like some of these characters (uh, my condolences), vote against them in their respective matchups.

Q: Is it too late to suggest a replacement?

A: Yes.

Q: Why are you doing this?

A: I feed off of hatred and violence. I want to see who tumblr users REALLY hate.

Q: Why Pearl?

A: It was quite a while ago now so I get it if people don't remember, but Pearl discourse used to be a big thing and people argued that she was irredeemable for many of the things she did early on in the show. If you remember the "Pearl hates the Irish" meme, that was a parody of how much people hated her

Q: Why Hooty?

A: I haven't seen the Owl House but I'm told many people think he's annoying. Also he's voiced by Alex Hirsch and fuck that guy he did my boy Ford so dirty I'm still mad about this

Q: Why Starlight Glimmer?

A: MLP:FiM is another show I didn't really watch but she was a villain who got redeemed and became a main character and a lot of people think her redemption arc was rushed and botched and she actually made a lot of people quit watching the show. One of my close friends really really really hates her and I don't think that's an isolated incident

Q: Why Berdly?

A: Annoying. Personally I think his arc of becoming less annoying was pretty fun but a lot of people still hate him.

Q: Why Bakugo (instead of Mineta)?

A: I actually debated this a lot and held a preliminary poll which Mineta actually won. But then I decided democracy is dead because Mineta really wouldn't be as interesting as Bakugo in this tournament because he's basically universally hated. Bakugo is more interesting because people who hate him REALLY hate him, while people who love him REALLY love him. Kind of like Vriska. I think. I never read Homestuck and I don't plan on ever doing so.

Q: Why Tony Stark?

A: He's a heavily divisive character because he's a war profiteer billionaire with a superiority complex, but the narrative treats him as a morally pure hero. Also, he's MCU Spider-Man's mentor and most of MCU Spider-Man is basically defined by Tony Stark and he's not allowed to be his own character. There's a bunch of other stuff but I didn't watch and I don't care about most of the MCU. Personally I'm a really big Spider-Man fan and I despise him for what he did to Peter Parker but I shall refrain from making this a long rant.

Q: Why did you include characters that you're not familiar with?

A: I didn't want to exclusively have characters from my interests. I wanted a bit of variety. Before the poll started, I accepted submissions for candidates, and basically trusted submitters to send in decent characters. Some of the characters I ended up with may go against the vague guidelines I set for myself, which kind of sucks, but that's how it is now.

Q: This bracket sucks.

A: Make your own tournament then. I'm just some guy making a tournament on tumblr dot com for free. Don't take it too seriously.

[egophiliac]

the new ride kamens character is jo, and he's... blood stark and night rogue? he's got the blood stark visor and color, but he's got bat wings which is definitely night rogue, not what i would've expected, i would've thought we'd get evol and kr rogue first as separate characters, but hey, dan kuroto and blood stark are some of my top faves of all time villains, so i'm not complaining

heck YES look at this steam-powered and yet somehow cyberpunky batman. he's awesome! 🦇 and honestly given that the popular guess for him was Night Rogue, I think it's pretty funny that he ended up being (mostly) the other Faust guy (I admit I usually associate him with the Evol form and...kind of forgot about Blood Stalk a little bit. :')

augh I am so BEHIND on drawing the Wisdom Thinks guys, hold on let me fix this

also I really hope they get way into the nitty-gritty of them running the lounge. nothing is funnier to me than Dramatic Action Superheroes having to take time out of their day to balance their business ledger and figure out the employee rotation for the week and stress about scheduling their upcoming food safety inspection. it's great.

[shima-draws]

OK, so thinking about a Sanlu au where Luffy is a Pirate King who gets so many marriage requests but does not want to get married. And so he instead insists that he gets to choose his partner through a contest where all the princes and princesses of like the countries around them or other pirates can like bring him a meal and if he likes it, you get married. The problem is that whenever people bring him food he'll just eat it and move on.

And so obviously the vinsmokes are like. Oh s***, we should get in on that. New Ally? And so they try with some of Sanji's others brothers, but none of them like work because they just made their cooks make their meals and everything.

Then eventually sanji, who wants to escape hears about this. And he knows that he can cook so he makes this amazing meat dish He is ready to present his meal towards the Prince in hopes of like maybe escaping his country and living there with Luffy. But like as he's on the way there, there's like this little girl who's starving, and so he gives her the meal instead. It was a one in a million shot anyway.

Anyway, either Luffy sees him doing this or if this was like the true test for kindness for all his partners, and sanji passes the test. Luffy's like get bring this man to me! So sanji goes before him, and luffy asks if he has a meal for him. All sanji has is like, this old sandwhich that he made for himself for the journey here, and sanji tells luffy that. Luffy tells him to bring it to him anyway, and after a lot of protests, he does. Luffy finally eats it and says that its delicious. He and sanji definitely get married.

Sorry for dumping this on you, but your artwork made me literally fall in love with sanlu so I wanted to share this middle of the night idea with you lol.

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP ANON THIS IS EVERYTHING.......I'm a SUCKER for AUs like this, ones that kinda give off that Cinderella vibe? The whole 'Well if I have to get married to a random stranger I'm gonna do it my way' trope is always so fun to explore

Luffy's one requirement for a spouse being that they have to cook well is SO on brand for him tbh. I feel like that's something that would be canon too. (Thinks about a situation like that in canon where Luffy's like well nobody can cook better than Sanji so I'll just marry Sanji! And Sanji double takes like wait what hold on a second--)

Even funnier would be if Luffy just met Sanji's brothers and was like. I don't like their vibes they seem mean. And all three of them being SO offended at that lmao

SANJI GIVING HIS DISH TO A STARVING GIRL THO AAAHGFHFHF THAT'S SO. CLENCHES MY TEETH he's so selfless and giving he would absolutely give up all of his dreams just to make sure someone doesn't go hungry I am GOING to cry. And Luffy immediately noticing that, pointing at Sanji and going "Him. I want that one" AGHHH 😭😭😭

ALSO YES THE CALLBACK TO WCI with Sanji's little lunch basket...the food is a total mess it's been rained on and dropped and looks awful but Luffy eats it anyway and says it's delicious...and Sanji's like oh oh oh I think I'm in love with him. Uh-oh.

DON'T APOLOGIZE THIS IS SOOO ADORABLE I'm so glad I got you hooked on Sanlu they are so underrated!!! Going slightly off topic here but I think it's really funny how predictable I am when it comes to getting into new media. Step 1 I watch a show and slowly discover who my Favorites are. Step 2 I end up shipping those favorites together. Step 3 I make that everybody else's problem. Also that ship almost always ends up being the less popular one for some reason?? Which is SO funny to me. Looks at Trustedpartner/Diode, Yujikiri and Tododeku as the most obvious examples of this along with Sanlu

ANYWAY anon I really want to write this can I write this. No guarantees to me actually finishing a full blown fic but oh my godddd this is such a cute idea and is so in character for both of them I'm weeping real tears

[candeathbereal]

Astro observations

Sister signs are the funniest to look at sometimes, because much like sisters there will be the similarites. For instance, Leo and Aquarius are both cocky asf but you know what the difference is between them? Idk if it's just the leos I've met or what but they will say they don't care what others think of them and yet when you say something about them all of the sudden they in their feelings. I can say this as a leo rising too cause bitch, no puedo mentir....if you talk about my looks I might feel some kind of way lowkey. Mostly because it is one of those things that I take seriously about myself so it feels really odd when someone who (in my opinon) doesn't look as good as me and disses me on the way I look...I'm going to be acting (with a lack of better words) like a bitch. I think this is why I get along with libra placements so well because I swear if a libra calls you ugly, you know they can say that shit with no worry of pushback. Like have you see libra placements...motherfuckers rule Venus for a reason (taurus are also pretty but it is definitely different if you know what I mean, I jsut wanted to point that out since Taurus also rule Venus and I didn't want any confusion). Moving on what I wanted to point out is that Aquarius (at least from the ones I've met) honestly don't seem to care. Like I think depending on the placements of the person it could change some stuff up but overall most Aquarius I have met in certain things say they don't care and they won't. Like if you say shit about something they don't care about...they simply won't really react as opposed to thier sister sign leos (fire signs can't help it, it is me I am the fire sign).

Literally Leos it's okay to care about shit...like own up to it. It's better than contradicting yourself. And yes ranting a whole bunch about something does count as caring about it. I'm sorry to break the news to you (i know breaking news people care about things). I do wanna repeat that this is based off my own personal experience as a leo rising with my sun in aries (17 degree) and my venus in the fifth degree (if you don't know those are leo degrees), so I am calling myself out a bit when I wrote this.

Moving on, I might write more about the sister signs in another post

Is it just me or are a lot of Pisces suns I've met happen to be left handed? Like I assume being left handed and a Pisces is one of the biggest coincidences I have experienced in my life. It's even funnier cause I remember meeting a person who was ambidextrous and they had a Gemini sun, libra moon, and a Pisces mars. I asked them if they were left handed and just had to learn how to write with their right hand (apparently left handed is connected to Satan or something like that) , but actually they just decided to write with their left hand as well because it felt more balanced to them. I find it funny because of the whole thing of doubles in these three signs. Gemini= Twins, Libra= Scales, and Pisces = two fish.

Alright final thing, mercury in the fifth house in synastry is definitely a moment to experience. It is one of my favorite house overlays in synastry from usually being one of the most fun conversations I have had with someone with this overlay. Generally speaking air house overlays with mercury is great but something about the fifth house really goes for me. I want to assume it's because my fifth house is in sag and I already have a ninth house stellium natally plus a sag mars. Plus my Aries mercury is helpful in this as well but ehh.

Anyways I would love to hear you guy's thoughts, or even any suggestions on what I should talk about next.

[banes-favourite]

I've seen the idea of Durge basically being Gortash's sugar baby in a way with Gortash using his money to spoil them. But I haven't seen anything about the idea of it being flipped which I think could work too(also I just find it amusing because it would completely subvert any outward expectations).

Durge literally kills people for a living which is very lucrative, as shown by how rich you can get by just being a murder hobo who loots the bodies of those you kill in game. There's also the possibility of Durge taking bounties or being hired for assassinations. If I remember correctly Bhaal also encourages his followers to seek out the wealth that they can gain from murder.

So Durge could definitely be secretly loaded up on cash. Also it would make their possible "murder hobo who lives in the sewer" appearance even funnier since they'd definitely be rich enough to choose to not look like that but just don't for some reason. Maybe they just don't feel any need to use any of their wealth, since they don't need to use much if any of it to survive and they may not have any interest in buying stuff for themself to enjoy for various reasons. So they could easily just have a ton of gold piling up

It's also shown in game through letters and stuff that Gortash basically manipulate mansplain manwhored his way to power and did things like sleep with people to get money(so essentially already a canonical sugar baby). So there's full possibility that he could have power more through influence and manipulation rather than through actually being extremely rich. And even if he's rich at this point he could still be a sugar baby to durge

And it's just overall really funny to imagine this politician/archduke in all of his fancy filigree and clothing be like "oh actually I'm the sugar baby in this relationship. They're the sugar daddy" and he points over at this feral, blood covered murder hobo who's eating someone's severed arm in the corner of the room

(Also Gortash getting a chance to be pampered and spoiled and cherished for once in his life without really even having to do anything other than exist as himself is such a great concept. I imagine durge would give him stuff casually and seemingly arbitrarily. Maybe Durge would feel very pleased seeing Gortash doing speeches and stuff in public while fully dressed in clothing that they got for him)

i am completely normal about this idea i am completely normal about this idea i am completely normal about this idea

in all seriousness, i am NOt normal about this idea because holy shit the potential in this?? the hilarity of durge choosing to look like a gory street rat when they can definitely afford clothes?? gort being showered with gifts just for existing bc he's that hot and cute and endearing?? gortash probably thinking he achieved this by smooth talking durge over, but in reality durge just likes seeing him smile when he gets a new gift?? also just, Lord Gortash proudly parading around wearing the trendiest clothes and Durge watching from the sidelines like 'I'm so proud of you sweetie' IM CRYING ANON THIS IDEA IS PERFECTION

[raayllum]

ok quick actual thoughts run down (spoilers for all 8 episodes)

The pacing of this season was interesting with certain episodes having almost no B plots and being largely A plots with some smatterings. 6x02 I think is the first and only episode that neither Callum nor Rayla appear in in the whole show. Sometimes this meant wondering when we'd get back to certain plots but I overall really liked it and I think I'm just gonna like it more and more on rewatches

Immediate standout episodes were 6x03 and 6x06 for me. Loved all of them of course

The season in some ways wasn't as heavy as I expected esp in the first half BUT things definitely ramped up in the 2nd half and I still cried

also Janai's early season breakdown + the Katolis story lore made me feel many things about her (and about future Rayllum set up maybe of course)

Zubeia going "your brother Ezran" to Zym killed me automatic tears thinking about it for days

Loved how Astrid and Kosmo were characterized and developed. And siblings!!

The characters I was most worried about dying (Aanya, Opeli) didn't and I am very happy

Knew Claudia would free Aaravos the second we knew we'd brought the wrong pearl, but was pleasantly surprised my prediction of "Callum and Claudia doing the same spell simultaneously in different locations" came true

There were also certain lines and concepts (like the quasar diamonds issue) that I was gobsmacked I got almost beat for beat. Also that damn staff - thank you!

6x08 unexpected win as a Sorpeli shipper I'll never ask for anything more what the Fuck

Gonna be chewing over Ezran and Karim's convo / end of Ezran feelings and throughout for a while

Loved all the Viren Soren stuff though outside of 6x05 nothing really got me Emotional there but maybe that'll change on rewatches

cannot Believe i'm going into season goddamn seven with CHET still on the table they need to free me from my misery I'm begging

Watching Karim not get the one W i was sure he'd get while having nothing but Ls was Funnier than it should've been

Very pleased if surprised to see Lujanne again

Aaravos' backstory was fucked up and I got it ("I cried for 100 years" plus her confusion really hurt)

The scene of Terry helping Claudia wash up left me like 😳 holy shit

also yes obviously loved all the Rayllum and "you're bad at doing things for yourself" (paraphrasing) and their reconciliation, felt very earned and natural. Also feels like we still have progress to be made for them and their dynamic which is nice

On that note Moon arcanum Callum didn't happen literally but the spirit of it that I always wanted (Rayla as his Constant Truth) DID happen so I'm taking that win so hard

The Orphan Queen totally has the Nova Blade in her tomb huh

Mutual salvation Rayllum theory I love you So Much

[stellocchia]

Thinking of Secret Life SMP hybrid headcanons right now...

Grian would be a parrotlet. They're the smallest group of parrots and I feel like with how pathetic he's been this season he deserves to be just a little guy. He's still a pesky bird who, as season 6 proved, can definitely cause some mischief despite his reduced size, but he's a little guy anyway.

Jimmy is not a canary. Because, yes, he may have the canary curse, but that's just a fancy name for the curse, not necessarily his hybrid type. No, my man is a dog. He's a goddamn chihuahua. He's all bark and annoying but you take a single threatening step toward him and he shivers in fear.

On the topic of dogs, Martyn is a pomeranian. I'm specifically making him a small dog too because, despite wanting to act cool at the end of session 6, he is still very much the one who was first on yellow and red. My man is not big dog-coded.

Now, unpopular opinion, but Scar is a raccoon hybrid. He's a mischievous chaotic menace of a man. A little criminal ready to scam, commit arson, kill, and steal. He's a raccoon. He hasn't burrowed under anyone's house yet (that I remember at least) but that wouldn't be out of character either. Honestly, I'm appalled by the fact that this isn't a far more popular headcanon for him.

And, before I move on from dogs, Etho is also dog-coded. Specifically an Akbash (big white golden retriever-looking fuckers used for the protection of livestock). I just feel like the protectiveness and overall vibe fit him very well.

Finally, moving on from dogs. Cleo is obviously a zombie hybrid. There are no two ways around it. Though this does allow for my little headcanon that, having to learn on their own skin how to sew they became really good and really quick and they're the ones making all the new outfits for everyone else.

Gem meanwhile is specifically a sculk hybrid. Though I like to think that that came about when she opened the portal. She was a deer hybrid before (mostly because I like the subversion of expectations with a "prey" hybrid so to speak being arguably the most bloodthirsty person on the server) and then it spread like an infection. I figure by now her infected half straight-up looks something like Belos monster for from TOH:

Scott is something like a Reakirt’s Blue Butterfly. Both because the colors match him, and because he is kinda The Social Butterfly. My man is always out and about mingling with others. He's so friendly that he literally didn't struggle to pull off the "love you" challenge when everyone admitted that no one else would have been able to. It would be a waste not to make him some kind of butterfly at least.

Now, for Impulse I have something less reasoned, I just think the idea of him being an imp called Impulse is way too funny to resist. And he is way more of a mischievous one than I usually see people talk about. I've seen the phasmophobia stream where he killed everyone with the cursed items several times in a row just because he wanted to try them out. I know what he's capable of.

Meawhile his bestie Skizz is so capibara coded it's unreal. Like, don't get me wrong, he's plenty chaotic. But also you will never find anyone more lawful good in the Life Series than him. I've been thinking this since Love Island was founded. My man is the king of chilling with everyone. (Aside from Jimmy, rip Jimmy).

At the risk of being boring, I also like seeing Tango as a salamander hybrid. Exclusively because of the mythological connection between salamanders and fire. Also, the idea that every time he's flying (though it's funnier if it's also when he's simply jumping) he's nothing but a ball of fire with a lizard tail is very funny to me.

BigB is a hard one because I've only watched a couple of episodes from his POV so I'm not quite as familiar with the lore surrounding him as I am with the others. So I'm not sure. I want to say enderman because of his cryptid vibes this season, but he's not one of the characters with the biggest connection to the end. Those are mostly BDubs, Gem, and Lizzie, so I don't know. I'm open to suggestions.

Talking about BDubs, why are there no ender dragon hybrid headcanons for him around? I think it would be incredibly ironic if the dragon slayer was a dragon himself. Also, his house is under the Earth just like the End portals. Trust me, it makes so much sense. He's small but so full of righteous anger.

Pearl is no hybrid, she's literally just a witch. I've seen the WITCH animatic and that fundamentally changed my view of her forever. Before I would have said a moth hybrid of some kind because I do like moth Pearl, but I love that specific interpretation so much it's unreal. She is a witch with an army of hellhounds at her back and call.

Mumbo is a vampire because I've seen some art of vampire Mumbo at some point in time and it hasn't left my head since. Also, he's one of the players with the highest bloodlust every time he turns red. We're 2 for 2 on that with his appearances in the Life series. And it's usually also what leads to his demise. So I feel like that would be fitting for a vampire.

Meanwhile, my dearly beloved blorbo Joel is a honey-badger. This is a headcanon that is incredibly dear to me and I've never seen around but it's literally SO FITTING. The absolute crackhead energy, the lack of self-preservation, and the surprising sturdiness as time and time again he gets himself in impossible situations and still manages to survive until pretty much the end are all that exact honey-badger vibe. Like, just thinking of him summoning a hoard of zombies to fight off several infected and surviving for quite a while in those conditions just, really proves my point. Enough said.

Lizzie meanwhile is a very sad sopping wet cat. Just absolutely miserable. One of those cats who look like they're constantly grumpy. The frown has deepened ever since no one came to her party and she's still frowning in the void of death.

[findafight]

On the one-sided harringrove post- I feel it becomes infinitely funnier with bi steve. He likes men, just not Billy. Never Billy.

Oh yeah. When Billy fiiiirst comes to school with his music blaring Steve is head over heels for Nancy, so he might register that the guy with the Camaro and loud music has a good ass, but then billy opens his mouth and Steve is like "oh, no ass can make up for that personality." And continues with his life.

Just. Okay I like to project just a liiiiittle on Steve with him just. Not realizing his attraction to men isn't a straight thing. Like. Of course all straight people feel that way, you just kinda ignore it or don't do anything about it. So Steve is half way between being comfortable in his sexuality and being closeted to himself because buddy used Hawkeye Pierce as the blueprint of straightness.

So Billy is out here, wallowing in self hatred and internalized homophobia, hating Steve and wanting Steve and hating that he wants Steve and wishing Steve would pay attention to him enough for a hate fuck he can cry about later, and it's all very angsty. All the while Steve is just actually completely fine with thinking a dude is hot he's just got standards that include "not racist" "doesn't try to beat up kids" "hasn't made me blackout from head trauma"

Wait. Oh no. I feel an au coming on. Shit. Au where post S2 Robin hears piano coming from the band room after hours and is her curious self going "I must see who is this mysterious genius" and it's Steve. They get to talking and hanging out and all of a sudden Robin thinks they are actually good friends. Best friends. Somehow.

Cue them going to a band party together. Someone spikes their drinks with waayyyy more than they were expecting so they are blasted. Robin has to go pee but does not want to go alone so she drags Steve into the bathroom with her and makes him face away. He's like haha Woah you really had to pee. And she goes shut upppp and washes her hands but sits across from him. Steve smiles at her and gives her his speech about how amazing she is and how glad he is to be her friend (it is like March '85 so he is still not ready to get back out into dating yet). Robin tells him about Tammy. They sing. Someone slams the door open and kicks them out of the bathroom because there's a fuckin line.

They lay on the grass outside and look at the sky. Steve like. Caaaaasually mentions once having thought he was gonna marry Tommy when he was six and then realizing you just didn't do anything about those feelings and Robin's gotta shoot up going WHAT!! WHAAAT? Because it sounded like Steve coming out to her? Right after?? She came out to him??

And Steve is like yeah. Like you don't really have to? Easier to ignore it and flirt with girls who I like or think are hot. And poor Robin's brain is melting she's like please Steve I'm really drunk are you telling me you sometimes want to kiss boys? And he's like yes, obviously, everyone does. Just like everyone also wants to sometimes kiss girls. Except lesbians I guess who only want to kiss girls? And gay guys only want to kiss guy? Yeah that makes sense and straight people don't care but go for the opposite ya know?

Robin is like NO!! And calms down some and says "okay I'm telling you this because you are my friend and you just told me almost the same thing. Steve. I like girls and only like girls. That not a straight thing"

"yeah. You've said."

"but I am ninety nine percent positive that just because you like girls doesn't mean you're straight because you also like boys."

"what"

"yeah dude, I do not think this is a heterosexual experience you're describing. I'm not an expert but. Yeah.

"oh. Huh."

"yep."

"I definitely thought it was."

"your brain is so weird I'm still kind of obsessed with you."

"haha. Honestly I'm kind of obsessed with you. This is wild."

"well. At least I know you're stuck with me."

"ohhh nooooo whatever will I do with my best friend always around..."

ANYWAYS THE ACTUAL POINT OF THIS is not in fact the stobin. It's actually that

Sometime probably in may, when Steve is ready to be on the dating scene again, he gets with Eddie. Robin is happy for him but also so mad because he went from "probably shouldn't act gay even tho everyone feels a little gay sometimes" to "hey Robin what would you say if I said I got a boyfriend?" In less than two months. How does he have straight AND gay game. That's not fair.

Steddie getting together is a non event. Eddie is still like ewww sports and yet somehow he made out with Steve Harrington and the next day Steve asked if he wanted to get milkshakes and throw rocks into the quarry to see the splashes. Eddie must restrain himself from thinking it's a date because he knows it's not but it'd also be the perfect date (Eddie is a simple man)

At the end of the night steve kissed his cheek and says "I had a really great time..."

Eddie just blurted "hey do you want to be my boyfriend?"

To which Steve perks up like "yes! I'd like that!"

And Eddie didn't actually think he'd get that far so he was like "neat!! See you tomorrow!" before slamming the door in Steve's face.

So they're dating and Eddie disparages sports but Steve is like haha aw you don't like watching me play? Which is sooo mean to Eddie because obviously?? He likes?? Watching his boyfriend??? Run around in tiny shorts and sometimes shirtless?? He has to reevaluate some things he supposes.

All while this is happening Billy is still on his Greatest Homoerotic Rivals shtick with Steve. Eddie notices and is like to dude...what is with Billy? And Steve just sighs. Says Billy is weird and obsessed with him and glares all the time. It's a whole thing. Billy is pissed because what is Steve, his epic rival, doing hanging around some random band geek, his sister's bitchass friends, and maybe the local dealer.

Alright. Grad happens. Yay Steve! Poor Eddie. They go to some party , hang out with people, sell some drugs, etc. Billy is unfortunately also at this party, and is like. Lazer eyes boring into Steve's back. Very annoying. At some point, he sees Steve slip away and is like this is my chance so he follows him.

Howmever he comes across Steve, his epic and totally heterosexual rival, making out with Eddie the freak Munson.

And listen this is a scary thing to be caught inna town like Hawkins, but that's not the point of this post.

So Billy goes "what the hell?"

They turn around. Billy is still spluttering.

"what are you-why would you-- with him?!" He says.

Steve raises his eyebrows, alllll cocky confidence. He smirks a bit. Drawls. "Well, yeah. I like cock, billy. Just not yours."

Because the point of this post is that Steve is a bitch.

Thank you.

[fountainpenguin]

can i be honest im so intrigued by ur idea of a dev/trev/bev friendgroup even though you mentioned it maybe twice during ur liveposting

i know its mostly cuz they have basically the same name but i think its funny... saddest soppy wet-est kid in the school, some guy with hair in the ugliest shade of green and a girl who loves football and owns a talk show have something in common, somehow

I think we should go all the way and have a Trev, Dev, Bev, and Kev friend squad. And we can add the random kid who's listed on the kindness chart by the name Whatevs. Just call them The Evs.

It's so stupid, but I genuinely am shocked they all have rhyming names and they aren't a background squad. It is ridiculously funny to me that the vibe I get from Hazel's class is that the creators came up with a bunch of Ev names as their filler (with Dev specifically introducing Trev, Bev, and Kev to Hazel when she gets to school) and Dev himself fits this rhyming pattern.

Dev: Dad, I'm one of the youngest kids in my grade... did you just copy the names the other parents gave their children? Dale: Dale: Dale: No.

Even Devin rhymes with Kevin

I feel like Dev and Kev cross paths sometimes since Kev is a child model / the brand face for a popular soft drink. It also makes sense they wouldn't since being a child model and the son of a billionaire are two different things.

But of the people in Dev's class, it is astronomically funny to me that Dev looked at Trev and Bev and said "I want these regulars" and he doesn't seem particularly into hanging out with Kev.

Anyway, whatever this trio and/or quartet has going on cracks me up. I like that Dev and Trev both have a crush on Bev (Trev was distraught when they broke up in the finale due to Anti-Fairies magically setting Bev up with someone else).

Utterly fascinated that A New Wish canon is that Anti-Fairies don't have to follow Da Rules. Logically that makes total sense, but it's still interesting because we didn't see them pushing this angle in the OG series... but this somehow makes Timmy and Vicky unwishing each other's stuff - something godkids aren't supposed to be able to do iirc - that much funnier. Me, ever since I saw the episode: Why can Foop just tell Vicky that Timmy is a godkid? If he's her godparent, he's not allowed to do that; godkids have to cross paths on their own. Me now: Ahhh...... I understand...

I actually went back and watched, and Trev and Bev are definitely better friends with each other than either is with Dev. Trev and Bev are near each other in a lot of the background scenes. We don't really see them interacting, but they do seem to know each other and/or enjoy each other's company, so I thought it was funny when they were apparently dating (holding hands with hearts in eyes) in the finale.

Meanwhile, Dev rarely approaches either of them beyond being pulled into Hazel's Broadway show, where he's a back-up dancer, which isn't necessarily his choice (especially considering how happy he is in the song despite being a jerk in the other scenes... lmao).

- although he did give Bev double pudding when we know he was being super picky about whom he gave it to, which doesn't necessarily mean anything, but I think it's funny.

Oh, I was gonna post a screenshot but I can't because the red lighting on her pudding-slathered body in that scene sets off my hemophobia and that's even BEFORE the zombie stuff, lmao... Just trust me on this- she has a cup in each hand.

And we KNOW the only person she could've gotten the pudding from is Dev, who is confirmed to have hoarded all the pudding cups and was only giving them to people who impressed him. We even see him take one cup away from Jenkins after giving him two, so he was being SUPER picky.

Look at them... They are The Evs...

I just want them to be friends... They all have fun designs and personality... I think they should play on the playground or go to the movies.

sdkljfsd, Dev is the shortest one in this whole picture. Everyone in this class utterly dwarfs him. Which makes sense, because Hazel started school in this show at age 10 and Dev is 9 until the midpoint in Season 1. He's just a little guy...

Like... Does Trev KNOW Dev has a crush on Bev? I can totally imagine Dev watching them date and being like "Hey... wait a minute."

^ The face you make when you just find out your secret crush is dating your secret squish.

- I CANNOT get over the fact that Dev has a canon squish. He just wants to be Trev's friend so badly but he's too shy to talk to him... That's hilarious. I wish we would explore that, because that's not something you usually get to see explored in media. - ... I am lying. Winn is everyone's squish in this episode and that's also canon. Everyone likes Winn, AS THEY SHOULD. Winn is so friendly and kind, even (and especially) when people are nervous around them. - Dev stop having squishes on his entire class challenge (Impossible). - "Multiverse of Jenkins" except every time Hazel walks past Dev, he's head-in-hands-ing over a new person he wants to befriend but screwed up talking to.

Honestly, looking back on "Wellsington Hotellsington" makes me kind of sad because... it's obvious Dev is trying to make friends in the only way he really knows. He's being a brat and a braggart, but at least he was engaging in conversation. This is one of the only episodes (if not THE only) where he makes a real effort.

Tell us how it's really going, Mr. Many Times Bitten, Many Times Shy. Ahaha... he needs to improve himself.

I really like how we see Hazel have to work to make new friends at school and she puts effort in, so we see why people befriend her, and meanwhile Dev is just... consistently not interacting with people and then sitting around upset he has no friends. He is 9.

Anyway, I just think The Evs' dynamic would be funny to explore. It's got everything you need! Dev being the worst! Bev leading them into action, but mostly to soccer-football games! Trev being super supportive and friendly and kind! Those two dating while Dev third wheels and stares into the camera! Idk what Kev does!

I think Dev should just stand in the middle of all his squishes and say "oh no." This would be a 'fic that resolves absolutely nothing because he just vibrates slightly as sweatdrops roll down his face and he's scared to open his mouth, but I would find it funny.

They are just so silly (to me)...

[weirdmarioenemies]

I am going to rank more of the Super Mario Galaxies and none of you can stop me

Some galaxies are destined for greatness. But not all of them. Some galaxies are destined for pretty goodness, and that's okay. It's unfair to hold everyone to such absurdly high standards.

Those are the galaxies we're gonna talk about today! We've reached the B-tiers on this Galaxy Tier List, and we're gonna talk about them all today!

In case you missed the first post (which you can read here!), I'm doing a tier list of all the Galaxies in the Super Mario Galaxy series, and releasing a new entry every Sunday until we've covered them all. Forget about Church. This is what Sundays were truly made for.

My opinions don't necessarily reflect every member of the blog (there's like seven of us!), and they may not reflect your own either. If you disagree, that's totally cool.

72. Wild Glide Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: B

Kicking off today's list, we have the Wild Glide Galaxy, another Motion Control Minigame, yippee! Gone are the days of ray surfing and bubble blowing (but not Star Ball rolling. that's still around), now we have a funny bird named Fluzzard, and even funnier birds named the Jibberjays!

The Wild Glide Galaxy is pretty alright. The motion control minigames are rarely really the highlight for me in the Mario Galaxy games, but for what it's worth, I think gliding with Fluzzard controls alright, and I really like the optional challenge of flying through the rings for the Comet Medal. There's not really anything wrong with Wild Glide Galaxy at all, it's just a little ho-hum, but that's okay. I mean, it's the tutorial for this type of gameplay, what are you supposed to expect?

That being said, there's a later Fluzzard gliding galaxy that's way cooler. Like, way cooler. We'll talk about that next week.

71. Bowser Jr.'s Airship Armada

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

Did you know? If you put enough flying boats in one place, that's legally a Galaxy. I don't make the rules, I only follow them.

Yeah, these games have a pretty loose definition about what constitutes a "Galaxy"...

Anyway, I don't have an awful lot to say about Bowser Jr.'s Airship Armada. It's solid! I definitely prefer the first half with the cannons more than the second half with the autoscroller, though because of Speedrun Strats, I usually end up skipping the first half anyway... Did you know that? You can just blast yourself to one of the later airships and it totally works! I wonder if skipping the more fun part of the level diminishes my opinion of it, though...

That being said, Galaxy 2 kinda went and gave Bowser Jr. both a better "Airship autoscroller" level, and a better "blast yourself places with cannons" level, so the Airship Armada kinda loses out on that regard. Combine that with a Decent boss fight, and the Spranglers that always mess me up on the autoscroller (which I will admit is a Skill Issue!) and we end up with a mission that's fine, but I'm a little lukewarm on.

70. Honeyhop Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: B

Is it just me, or is Honeyhop Galaxy the most forgettable galaxy in Super Mario Galaxy 2? I dunno, I think it's something about the repeated theme without really bringing anything new to the table, besides I guess one segment that brings back the Floaty Fluff from Gusty Garden Galaxy. It kinda just feels like a Honeyhive Galaxy retread, but a bit more condensed.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing to be, Honeyhive Galaxy is a really good one after all, it just makes all of Honeyhop Galaxy feel like something I've seen before. And I don't think the smaller scale really helps, since the large scale is part of what I love about the Honeyhive in the first place!

I feel like I'm being a bit too negative here, so I should probably re-iterate: while this galaxy feels like a bit of a retread, the stuff it's retreading is pretty fun, so I can't really hate it. I just wish they'd find more new things to do with the Bee Mushroom, that's all!

69 (nice). Bubble Breeze Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

And here's another Motion Control Minigame, this time taking advantage of the Wii's pointer! It is your job to blow Mario around in a bubble, but don't let the bubble pop! Because most of this galaxy is a poison swamp which is frankly, Not Healthy To Digest. Do you know why all the crayons you see are non-toxic? Because they melted all the toxic ones to make Bubble Breeze Galaxy, that's why.

Anyway, this galaxy summarizes my thoughts on the bubble minigame: I like it, I don't love it, I'm not too upset that it didn't return in Galaxy 2, but I wouldn't mind if it did. I question how much of this Galaxy ranking so low is the atmosphere, "poison swamp" can be just kind of a dreary thing to look at for too long, though maybe it's just that the minigame can feel a little sluggish since you need to be so precise. It's not too hard, even, just a little time consuming.

I feel if I liked this galaxy just a bit more, I probably wouldn't always take the Speedrun Strat of backflipping to reach an invisible platform behind the checkpoint, from which you can long jump to the Power Star and just completely skip the second half of the level.

68. Flash Black Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: B

I don't know what it says that the lowest-ranking Super Mario Galaxy 2 Hungry Luma galaxy got a higher spot than all but one of the first game's Hungry Luma galaxies. I mean, besides "the first game's Hungry Luma galaxies aren't very good".

Flash Black Galaxy is a galaxy built around a solid gimmick, where the level is too dark to see outside of brief flashes that appear in-time with the music. Stuff like objects and enemies can always be seen which can clue you in to where things are, but otherwise, it's testing your memory, which is cool. I don't think it's the best one-off gimmick, but for a single level, it's definitely a respectable one.

I don't know if I really have much more to say about Flash Black Galaxy. It's pretty much defined by its gimmick, which I consider "good but not great". Makes interesting use of your memory, but slows down the pacing a little, but ultimately the galaxy is short enough that it doesn't ever overstay its welcome. Respectable B-tier.

I originally had it way higher (at 54th place, if you can believe it!) but after writing about it, I found I didn't care about it as much as I thought I did. Sorry.

Don't confuse this with the Throwback Galaxy. We'll talk about that next week.

67. Rolling Green Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

And here's the last of the galaxies that introduces a motion control minigame! I honestly kinda like the Star Ball, it hits a nice balance where it can be a bit tricky to get the hang of, but never really feels like something you don't have control over, which I can't really say about the ray surfing. There's a really fun sense of momentum there, it does a really good job of capturing the feeling of balancing on a ball, not that I know what that feels like...

Makes sense this was the only of the three minigames that returns in the sequel, it's easier to control than the mantas, but never gives you so much control it can feel kinda boring, like the bubbles. As for Rolling Green Galaxy itself, it's kinda what you expect for a level that introduces a mechanic. It's a bit basic, but not necessarily bad, and I like that it offers a few optional challenges on the sides. It also escalates pretty nicely, first giving you areas with fences so you can get acclimated to the controls, then wide open areas without fences, and then having you navigate around holes and islands, I really like that.

I'm probably still gonna dock it a bit for being a bit basic, but as a tutorial, I think it's pretty well designed, and I definitely have to give it props for that. Still, there are definitely other galaxies that I feel have made better use of this mechanic...

66. Rolling Gizmo Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

That being said, I think the "challenge version" of Rolling Green Galaxy, Rolling Gizmo Galaxy, is only slightly better, if not basically equal to Rolling Green.

I think this is pretty well designed as a more challenging follow-up, making you navigate through tighter spaces, rotating platforms, and overall forcing the player into a bit more careful play. It definitely serves well as that "final test" of the Star Ball minigame, testing how well you're able to handle its control scheme.

That being said, I feel that by being more challenging, Rolling Gizmo loses some of what makes the Star Ball missions so fun, you have to take it at such a steady pace that you never really get a chance to build momentum, which is kind of a bummer. Rolling Gizmo Galaxy doesn't really give you the same level of freedom that Rolling Green Galaxy gives, even in terms of alternate routes, so I'm gonna dock some points for that. Still appreciate the added challenge, though!

65. Gateway Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

For what it's worth, if this was a list of galaxies ranked by the order you play them in, this would rank first.

Gateway Galaxy is your tutorial to Super Mario Galaxy, and I think it does a nice job at that. Chasing bunnies is probably never gonna be my favorite thing in the world, but it's a nice way to get the player accustomed to walking around a sphere, and unlike some galaxies, there's no strict time limit, and the bunnies will politely inform you where others might be hiding. It would be kinda unfair if they didn't. This is the tutorial.

And I really like that it eventually extends into a proper "mission," letting you travel between planets, and introducing you to some of the game's mechanics, like collecting Star Chips, spinning to defeat enemies, and activating (or de-activating?) flipswitches. I also really like how you can't return to this galaxy until much later in the game, I think it's a nice way to show you how far you've come, or something like that, I don't really know. I'm not the most graceful with my words!

That being said, I need to be upfront: the Red Star power-up and I have never gotten along. I always felt the flying controls with it were super weird, even if it gives you a lot of freedom! I may as well mention it here, since it never shows up anywhere else...

Anyway, I picked that picture because of this Jacob Geller video, which all of you should watch, by the way.

64. Bowser's Lava Lair

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: B

Bowser building a lava-themed Galaxy? How unexpected...! I wonder what tricks he'll bring next?

Bowser's Lava Lair is a pretty solid, if not slightly forgettable, boss stage. It has all the sorts of things you'd expect from a Bowser stage, really, stone buildings, lava, members of the -omp family, and of course, a boss fight against the Man Himself. It also marks the debut of Mattermouths, which catches me off guard a little even though I totally know they're in this galaxy. They seem like such a Haunty Halls debut to me!

Not a lot to say about Bowser's Lava Lair really, it's solid, but a bit by-the-books, which is why it didn't score any higher. Maybe Bowser could take a few lessons from his son when it comes to designing memorable boss levels...

...That statement feels really weird given both "boss levels" we've covered thus far are from Bowser Jr., but I promise, he gets some really good ones in Galaxy 2.

63. Starshine Beach Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: B

Oh hey, it's that galaxy that sort of vaguely references Super Mario Sunshine! It has Beach, it has Chucksters... it has those lily pad rafts? I think Sunshine had those. Really, throw Piantas in any sort of tropical area and you can probably pass it off as a Sunshine reference.

Starshine Beach Galaxy I feel is one of those galaxies that suffers a little bit from Super Mario Galaxy 2's more compact level design. It's kinda big, kinda flat, and kinda empty. I wouldn't say it's a significantly worse galaxy than Beach Bowl, there are some fun missions here, but if you compare the two, Beach Bowl just feels a lot more Alive to me, you know? This galaxy has like, three towers, a Pianta statue, and a whole lot of tiny islands and shallow water between. The level design in Galaxy 2 is a bit more linear, and in a more open galaxy like this one, it shows.

Still, this place is still plenty fun. The Cloud Flower is always a delight to use, and it's nice to have more exploration-oriented missions in the sequel. I just wish there was more to see when exploring, that's all!

62. Bowser's Gravity Gauntlet

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: B

There are not a lot of good images of this galaxy on the Super Mario Wiki, huh?

Admittedly, originally I had this a good bit lower, where Bubble Breeze Galaxy is right now. Then I looked it over and was like "actually, this one's cooler than that" and moved it up like six places.

I think this suffers some of the same issues as Bowser's Lava Lair, where it feels a smidge generic -- I mean, making your lair Gravity Themed in the game where every level is Gravity Themed? Come on. But after looking back at it, they do some cool things with that gimmick, particularly in the 2D area, where the lack of changing perspective really helps emphasize the weird gravity in this place. I love details like Podoboos jumping out of a pool of lava on the wall and into one on the ceiling, that's really neat.

Still, I think they could've pushed the gimmick a little further, and with some of the entries later on this list (including a Bowser level that occupies the exact same position in the first game!), I feel like they have a lot more fun with 2D gravity shenanigans.

61. Gusty Garden Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

Man, this one hurts. You don't know how much it pains me to put Gusty Garden in B-tier. I mean, it's like, one of the Super Mario Galaxies! It has The Music! How can I hate it?!

Well, if you're taking a B-tier placement as me "hating" something, then your standards are way too high, because I like Gusty Garden Galaxy! That being said, this is a video game old enough to drive a car now, so I'm allowed to be honest about it, and if I'm being honest... the music does a lot of heavy lifting in this galaxy.

Not that the galaxy is bad by any stretch of the imagination, there's lots of fun moments here, like the weird question mark planets, the giant caterpillar that eats through the apple asteroids, and probably the best bunny chase across both games. That being said... Gusty Garden feels a bit small-scale, you know? I feel there's not a lot of room to explore in Gusty Garden, most of the planets are pretty small-scale, and the level structure is a bit more linear than a lot of other galaxies in the first game...

Of course, being linear isn't necessarily a bad thing, a lot of galaxies in the sequel are similarly linear, so why should I count that against Gusty Garden? Well, my issue with Gusty Garden is that a lot of the planetoids end up feeling pretty samey. You go to a small planetoid, kill some Piranha Plants and Monties, and then take a vine or a Floaty Fluff to the next planetoid, rinse and repeat. There's not really much of a sense of escalation here, you know what I mean?

Also there's the fact the third mission is so weirdly out-of-place. It's not a bad mission at all, I think it's a cool level with a cool gimmick, it just doesn't really quell my feeling that Gusty Garden feels like it was cobbled together from bits of other galaxies that were getting a little too big.

I don't want to badmouth Gusty Garden Galaxy too much, because I still have plenty of fun here, and honestly, I always look forwards to it in a Galaxy run! "The music does a lot of heavy lifting" might seem like a defamatory statement, and to some extent I guess it is, but I also think it shows just how much stuff like aesthetics and sound design really matter in the grand scheme of things. Without it, Gusty Garden Galaxy may have felt pretty forgettable, but because of it, it creates an experience that frankly feels like more than the sum of its parts.

60. Beach Bowl Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

Did you know? "B" is for Beach Bowl. I just thought you should know that. Beach Bowl Galaxy is a respectable underwater galaxy with a really cool setpiece. I just love the way this galaxy looks, the huge bowl with water pouring out is a really neat visual, and the Beach Vibes are just on point here. Not pictured is the underwater section, which is decently detailed all things considered. I'd probably visit the Beach Bowl Galaxy if it was a vacation spot in real life.

As a gameplay experience? Beach Bowl is alright. As I've mentioned before, the underwater controls can feel a bit jank to me, which I think drags it down a bit, but I also feel like it's a very nice galaxy to just Explore, which admittedly is something I think the second game is a bit lacking in. Obviously the Galaxy games are a bit more linear than the 3D games that came before, but I feel the first Galaxy hits a nice middle ground for me, giving enough room to goof off while still giving a clear objective to move towards, and Beach Bowl is great in that regard.

The main thing holding Beach Bowl down a bit, besides the controls, is a couple of the missions. The second main mission here, where you grab the Golden Shell from a penguin and take it to the penguin coach, is one of the most pointless in the game, and this galaxy also possibly has my least favorite purple coin mission. I'm not even the biggest detractor of the Spring Mushroom out there, but making it mandatory to grab Purple Coins placed right next to the edge feels cruel. And while I complain about the underwater controls sometimes, you surely could've placed more than five coins underwater, right?

The rest of the missions are alright, though. I think the one where you look for Star Chips takes nice advantage of letting you explore a bit, and I generally enjoy this iteration of the Stone Cyclone, and even the 2x faster version! Still don't like the 4x faster version from the second game, sorry.

I think it's funny that the penguins are associated largely with tropical galaxies in these games. Why is that?

59. Supermassive Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: B

"We grow 'em big here! Watch out!"

Supermassive Galaxy feels like a fun "novelty galaxy" to me, if that makes any sort of sense. What if Mario... but Big? Well, not Mario himself. You're one of the only things in this Galaxy that isn't big. Sorry! This leads to a lot of fun details, though, like the giant Lumas that speak in Big Letters and have a low-pitched voice, or the coin that's so big, you can wall jump off of it.

I wonder if they could've taken it further. Like, there are no oversized Star Bits here! That is a STAPLE of Super Mario Galaxy Level Design. The funniest thing they could do would make the Power Stars in this galaxy into Grand Stars, but I get those are reserved for boss missions.

It's also clever to use this as a place that properly introduces long jumps as a mechanic. Did any galaxy in the first game do that? I'm not sure if any of them did. But the framing of "Mario needs to do BIG JUMPS to make it past gaps in this oversized galaxy" is really fun.

Really, and this is a goofy nitpick, but I think what brings down this galaxy for me is the aesthetics, which kind of end up being a double-edged sword. I think the "generic Mario objects, but Big" is the best way to emphasize this galaxy's theme, but it also feels well... generic. After the Big gimmick, this galaxy isn't really all that interesting to look at. Might also have something to do with how linear it is. Despite everything in this galaxy being huge, there's not an awful lot of room to just goof off and have fun, which I feel is a bit of a missed opportunity.

58. Bowser Jr.'s Robot Reactor

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

Megaleg I think is one of the coolest bosses across both games, and such a clever usage of these games' gravity mechanics. Megaleg is also pretty much all there is in this galaxy, and I'm not sure if I should count that for or against this one.

It's like, Megaleg doesn't have a lot of buildup. You have one small planet that serves as a tutorial for using Bullet Bills to break glass, and that's really it. I generally prefer galaxies that are a bit bigger in scope, so I definitely feel like I'm gonna dock some points for that. I feel like a boss this cool could benefit from a bit more buildup, you know?

On the other hand, I think that's kinda unfair. This is the first boss level in the game, it doesn't need to be overly complex, showing how the boss works and then doing the boss itself is really all you need, and again, I really like Megaleg as a boss, even if after once you reach the top there's not that much going on anymore.

I guess the takeaway is... these rankings are mostly based on my personal enjoyment, and less so of how Objectively Well-Designed I think the mission is. The difference between "the best" of a group and "my favorite" of a group can be an important one!

57. Bowser Jr.'s Fiery Flotilla

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: B

Another case of "this Galaxy is basically in the exact same position as the one before it, and it does some things better, and some things worse". For starters, I don't think Gobblegut is quite as cool as Megaleg. Don't get me wrong, Gobblegut is still cool, and arguably more mechanically interesting, I like how there's an incentive to destroy the later bulges earlier on so the boss is easier in the later phases when Gobblegut speeds up, in exchange for a more difficult earlygame. Still, I don't know if it's as cool as climbing up a giant robot.

The Fiery Flotilla also has a bit more buildup than the Robot Reactor, which I really appreciate. You know I enjoy a little bit of platforming before I take on the Big Boss! Still, the platforming is on the basic side (again, first Boss Level) and unlike Megaleg, the buildup doesn't really tie into the boss at all, you know? Like, "spin the big red orbs" isn't a really tough thing to figure out, especially when they're highlighted in Bowser Jr.'s dialogue, but it does create a situation where the game tells you what to do instead of priming you for it.

Does some things a little better, some things a little worse, so I think it's about equal. Gonna give it the edge because I like having the platforming at the beginning, and also because Galaxy 2 gives each galaxy more than one mission. There's a Gobblegut Daredevil Run! Wish we could've gotten one of those for Megaleg.

56. Sweet Sweet Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

What's that? A good Hungry Luma galaxy from the first game? I never thought I'd see the day...! It's also uh, the only good one in my opinion, given we covered all the rest in the previous post. It's also the first Hungry Luma galaxy in the game, so it's all downhill from here.

But yeah, I like Sweet Sweet Galaxy! I don't know if I'd say I love it, or else I'd probably put it a bit higher, but I enjoy it. I think it has a really nice sense of iterative level design, you know? It takes one idea (moving conveyors with holes in the floor) and riffs on it in different ways up until the very end. First you have a conveyor moving towards the goal, then you have the ones moving left and right, then you have the rotating floor, and then you have the one moving away from the goal. Sweet Sweet Galaxy has a pretty nice sense of escalation.

I also remember finding it weirdly challenging as a kid, for how early in the game it is. It's not brutal or anything, we're not looking at the Dark Souls of Mario Galaxies here, but especially in that rotating floor segment it can be hard to tell where the holes are gonna be.

It's still a little short and linear, but for a small "bonus mission", I think that's ultimately fine, especially for the first Hungry Luma galaxy in the game. Congratulations, Sweet Sweet Galaxy! You might have what it takes to hang out with the Super Mario Galaxy 2 Hungry Luma galaxies!

55. Bubble Blast Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

Did you know? "B" is for Bubble Blast. I just thought you should know that.

Congratulations to Bubble Blast Galaxy, which I personally consider the best of the three Trial Galaxies. As I stated, I can sort of take or leave the bubble minigame, which is why this isn't gonna rank any higher, but as far as it goes, I think this galaxy makes really good usage of it. The obstacles presented feel decently varied, and often require a nice blend of precision with quick reaction timing due to all the moving parts. It's really nifty, both on its own, and as an escalation of what we saw in Bubble Breeze.

Especially great is the bit towards the end, where you have to make your way down a tight corridor of electric fences while being chased by Bullet Bills, forcing you to act quick in a minigame that usually requires a lot of precision. Is it a little unfair? Maybe just a little, but it makes for an exciting sequence that works really well as a final test of your bubble-blowing skills.

Up next, we're going to be testing your jellyfishing and patty-flipping skills, so watch out!

54. Dusty Dune Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

Dusty Dune Galaxy is a weird one to me. It's like, whenever I reach it in the game, I don't really feel like playing it, but once I get around to playing it, it's actually pretty fun! I'm not really sure if there's a mission here I don't like playing, I like the Bone Twisters, I like the sand slides, I like the rush for the star in the sinking tower. Even the untimed purple coin mission is one of the better ones! This galaxy is honestly pretty consistently solid.

So like, why am I not Feeling It? Why is it that when I get to this galaxy in a playthrough, I'm always overcome by this feeling of "yeah, alright"?

I think Dusty Dune might have a reverse Gusty Garden Situation going on, where it has great ideas held back a little bit by so-so music and theming. And make no mistake: it's not that "desert" can't be an interesting theme, because it really can be! (We'll see the sequel's desert galaxy in a couple weeks!) But it's generic desert, you know? Where they kinda slap any vague "desert stuff" together and call it a day. This is a desert with both Egyptian pyramids and cacti! Despite what Mr. Video Game might tell you, those don't appear in the same deserts in the Real World.

I feel like if they leaned hard in one particular direction, Dusty Dune Galaxy could be really cool, but as it stands it sort of suffers "Generic Video Game Desert Syndrome" where it lacks a clear sense of identity to make it stand out more.

53. Sweet Mystery Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: B

The Bulb Berry is a neat power-up, the more I think about it, it feels like a new spin of the Matter Splatter Galaxy from the first game, where what you see is all that's there, but with a bit more player control. I honestly think the lack of control makes Matter Splatter a bit more interesting to me, but I can see why someone else would like this take more.

If you couldn't tell already, Sweet Mystery Galaxy is largely built around this power-up, making for the second sweets-themed Hungry Luma Galaxy, though that's pretty much all the two have in common, because the gimmicks are completely different. Honestly I think the Bulb Berry is a little under-utilized, the only other galaxy I remember using it is Haunty Halls, which is its introduction.

A benefit Sweet Mystery has for being the second level with this power-up is they can play around with it a bit more, using it with stuff like moving platforms, and having optional challenges which can be rewarding, but run out your timer a bit, limiting both your field of view, which also corresponds with limiting knowing where you can stand! It's nifty.

The main weakness of this galaxy I think is once again an aesthetic one. There's not an awful lot of background details, and since it's built around the Bulb Berry, you can't see much of it at once. There's not a lot to see here, besides that giant present with the cake in it at the end. It's another galaxy that sort of shows the sequel's weakness when it comes to making more detailed environments.

52. Gold Leaf Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: B

As I've stated before, I'm gonna dock some points for reused content. Like, if you're gonna repeat any galaxy, then Honeyhive is a good one, but it can always be a little bit of a letdown to go to a new galaxy and realize it's a place I've already seen before, but with a fresh coat of paint. Especially given it's in the same game as its counterpart! But in this case, I'll mostly let it slide. I like getting to see Honeyhive in gorgeous autumn colors, and for what it's worth, the missions here are all pretty unique.

The Star Bunny mission is kinda whatever, given I've made my stance on bunny chases pretty clear at this point, and the rest of the mission is kinda just exploring a place we've already seen, but the rest of the missions fare a bit better. What can I say! I like Cataquacks and I like that obstacle course. I think building the Cosmic Mario and Purple Coin missions around the obstacle course was a smart idea too, since it helps make the galaxy feel more distinctive.

Being Honeyhive 2 ends up being a double-edged sword, since it kinda takes away from Gold Leaf Galaxy having a more distinct identity, but it does enough of its own that I'll let it slide, and it's also not like I'm gonna complain about getting more missions in a top-10 galaxy.

I guess that's a spoiler for a future review. Look forward to seeing where in the top 10 I put it!

51. Freezy Flake Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: B

Autumn turns to winter as we talk about our final galaxy of the day! Freezy Flake Galaxy is a delightful little snowscape that lets you indulge in all the fun of a snowy winter day without any of the icy roads or dismal temperatures of actual snowy winter days. Unless you're playing Super Mario Galaxy 2 in a car sliding down an icy road with all the windows rolled down. Why are you doing that?

Anyway, I think that above all else, Freezy Flake Galaxy feels charming to me, you know? You get to run around in the snow and roll snowballs and incinerate snow statues of Bowser with the Fire Flower! All the things you'd do on your typical winter day. I especially love in the second mission where you get the Rock Mushroom, and get to watch snow build up in your boulder form, it's such a cute touch! I wish we got to do more with the Rock Mushroom, it's kinda ditched past the first planet in favor of the Sorbetti boss fight. I wonder if this galaxy would benefit from the three-mission format of the first game?

My only real complaint about Freezy Flake is that I think it's a smidge on the generic side. I mean, by the time we got this game, we already had the Freezeflame Galaxy, which is a generally cooler take on an ice galaxy (and also a hotter one). Freezy Flake, in comparison, is a bit tame, a bit less exciting, but whatever, it's cute. It's hard to listen to the music and not feel those warm winter fuzzies that I feel until winter actually comes and my hands are dry and I can't go outside without bundling up first and even once I do the ground is going to be slippery so I can't run around as much without fear of falling over except for the days where it is warm where then everything is mushy and gross, and it's dark outside at 5PM and when it is bright outside the sky is usually gray anyway and there's no leaves on the trees so everything looks dull and lifeless

...I hate winters.

And that wraps up today's post! Do you agree with my opinions? Do you don't agree with my opinions? It's okay if you don't. Even the ones about winter! If you enjoy all those things I was complaining about, then more power to you, I'm glad someone can find joy where I couldn't! And if you don't like something I do like, then that's fine too, I guess.

Next week, we'll begin covering the A-tiers! There's a lot of 'em, so I'm gonna be splitting them into two posts, with fifteen galaxies each! Look forward to it! I'll link it here when it goes live!

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Seven

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: A lot of Gentle Bullying (it's done with love,i promise), Drinking/Mentions of Alcohol, Peer pressure, Mentions of Sex (don't get your hopes up; it's not happening yet) Fluff, yearning, pining, hopeless romantic-ing, maybe a smidge of flirting and lastly- more pirate references.

Word Count: 6.2k !!

Summary: The weekend plays out a bit differently than Jake anticipated, but aside from the endless teasing from his family, I don't think he has much to complain about.

Author's Note: IT'S A LONG ONE FOLKS. We're getting to the good stuff and i'm SO excited. This chapter has me kicking my feet and blushing (I wrote it, I know) but GOD it's so cute watching their little friendship grow. I hope you love it xoxo next weeks is a TREAT. 😉

She Calls Me Back - Noah Kahan "Everything's alright when, she calls me back,"

Friday 

I didn’t expect to spend so much of my evening texting Charlotte. Granted, I also never expected anybody to willingly let me tell them about pirates, a pretty girl, no less. We kept talking until she was finally ready to sleep, and I told her that she was more than welcome to reach out if she wanted. She definitely took me up on the offer. What I wasn’t prepared for was her to send me a random fun fact at 10 am. Though I’m glad, she seems to be in a better mood.

Charlotte: Did you know the creator of the Xbox was obsessed with sourdough bread?

Jake: I did not 

Charlotte: Mhm! Which makes the logo funnier, because it looks like a nicely scored loaf!

Jake: Why do you know this? Also goodmorning? 

I’ve already been down to the bar and finished getting her ready to open. A habit that I probably can’t break at this point. I started going down to get the bar set up when I first opened because I was really the only one who was actually working there. Once I got Josh on board full-time, we split a lot of the work, but I still try to make it as easy as possible for him. He’s doing a lot to help me out; it’s the least I can do. 

Charlotte: Oh, goodmorning! I guess I should have started with that lol 

“What are you so smiley about this morning?” 

I look up to see Quinn rounding the corner into the kitchen, their floppy curls all over the place. 

“There’s still coffee left if you want some,” I tell them quickly.

“Don’t avoid the question, Jack,” their smirk growing as they pour coffee into one of Josh’s mugs. 

“Do I usually look sad?” 

“Not sad, but you look especially happy right now,” tossing the creamer back into the fridge, “but you’re gonna need to wipe that look off your face if you don’t want your nosy brother harassing you.” 

My smile definitely falls at that statement. Unfortunately, they’re so very correct. If I can’t hide it better, Josh will know something’s up. I swear he can smell it from a mile away. 

“I’m joking,” they sip on their coffee, “I’m gonna tell him anyway!” 

Shit. They scurry towards Josh’s door before I can say anything or try to bargain with them. I practically launch myself up from the couch to follow suit when I hear their sing-song little voice, “Jaaaaakes got a cruuuuushhh.” Stopping me in my tracks just outside the bedroom. 

“A crush, you say!” Josh’s voice is just simply loud; there’s no changing it, “Oh, Jacob! You can’t hide from me now, brother!” 

I round the corner, leaning against the doorframe. 

“You’re lucky I love you,” I point at Quinn, “It’s not a crush, just a .. friend?” Realizing that I’m not even sure what this is. 

“Well, that just wasn’t convincing at all,” They mumble, taking another sip of coffee. 

“It’s not that serious is all.” 

Josh finally chimed in, “You know, you don’t have to be ashamed if it is a crush. If anything, it’s relieving for the rest of us.” 

My eyes roll involuntarily as I cross my arms over my chest, “Why are you so concerned about my love life? Shouldn’t you just be happy that I’m not bringing random girls home?”

“Don’t disrespect Danny without him present,” Josh barks out a laugh, “But at least he was getting laid, so maybe he was onto something.” 

“Plus, he has Melody now,” Quinn pipes up, “You’re the last man standing.”

Josh looks over at them, “Nice guys do finish last, I guess.”

“One is the loneliest number!”

“The lone wolf.”

“Okay, you don’t need to kick me while I’m down,” my eyebrows pinch together as they keep piling on. 

“Well, are you actually gonna try to bag this one?” Josh asks, “ Or you just gonna rot away in the bar and pine over her?” 

“First of all, I already told you it’s not a crush,” I start, “Secondly, are you convinced that I can’t lock down a girlfriend?” 

“Jake, you’ve been single for how long? It’s getting hard to believe you even know how to flirt with a woman.” 

“Especially after you tried flirting with that pretty redhead the other day,” Quinn cringes quietly. 

“Okay, that wasn’t my best work,” I had been trying to forget that. “But she was also busy yelling at me for being bad at my job, so the timing was less than ideal.” My face sells me out as the red settles in my cheeks. 

“Wait,” Josh pipes up, “is that who you’re texting?” Leaning forward as he stares at me. How is he so quick?

“Uh,” I hesitated a second too long. 

“Oh my god, it is!” His voice was rising with excitement. “A friend? My ass. I saw how you looked at her.” 

“She was very pretty, to be fair,” Quinn interjects, nudging him with their elbow. 

“Oh, she was stunning,” he says, looking back at them. “So you two have been talking?” 

My heart is pounding as we have this conversation because I don’t even know what’s going on. The last thing I need is him hounding me over it. 

They both just stare at me with that sympathetic look that people give you when they find out you lost your job or your dog ran away. 

“Can you two quit interrogating me?” I whine, “I promise that either of you will be the first to know when I have a potential girlfriend.” 

“Alright, alright, I’ll stand down,” Josh throws his hands up, “but only because I need to get ready for work.” 

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Jake: i’m assuming youre feeling a bit better today?

I decided to walk to some of the stores nearby, trying to enjoy the last few days of autumn. The Old Port is a wonderfully odd place. With the cobblestone streets and terribly old brick buildings, it’s nothing short of having character. The way the city won’t tear any down but just shove new businesses in will always amaze me. But being able to walk to a fair amount of things has been my favorite thing since moving over here. 

The crisp air of fall warrants a hot drink. I slip into a smaller local coffee shop. It’s a crowded little space with several tables and the actual bar. There’s minimal room to move around or not be noticed. 

“Well, look who decided to show up!” 

My head whips to the right, and I see my favorite ladies parked at a small table in the corner: Eleanor with her book in her lap and Linda with a small notebook set on the table. I take my drink from the barista with a quick ‘thank you’ and carefully weave through the scattered chairs.

“Goodmorning ladies, is this seat taken?” I tap the chair facing them. 

“All yours, sweetheart.” 

Linda leans forward, sliding her notebook to the side, “So Josh told us that you were flirting with that pretty young lady the other day,” sending a little wink at me. 

I drop my head with a long sigh. I should have known he would tell them because, of course, my brother is best friends with two older ladies. 

“Well, I tried flirting,” I mumble, sipping my coffee, “But it wasn’t necessarily well received.” 

The collective ‘awwww’ feels almost offensive, but I know they aren’t trying to bully me. That’s everyone else’s job.

“You’ll find someone, dear. You’re much too sweet and handsome,” Eleanor finally says. “At least you’re not wasting it on someone who doesn’t deserve you.” She gently rubs my arm for a second, a soft smile on her face. 

“Thank you,” I tell her, placing my hand over hers, “You’re right. I’d rather wait for the right girl than spend time on whoever is willing to go on dates.” 

Truth be told, I’ve played that game already. Meeting girls online or on dating apps and taking them out to dinner. Only to have them tell me, “You’re so sweet,”  and then ghost me after the date. I’ve only made it to the kiss at the end a handful of times in my life, and lord knows the last time I got laid. Never a proud moment for me when it happened. Both of us are usually incredibly drunk, and I hardly remember anything from it the next morning. 

Since officially opening the bar, I’ve just not bothered dating. I have too many things I could be doing or helping Josh when he is working. I think if another girl ghosted me, I may commit arson. Not to the bar; obviously, I’ve worked too hard. So, I keep to myself and just enjoy the minor flirting from girls who are already a drink or two deep. I also spend a bit longer in the shower some nights trying to relieve some of the tension. 

“Ellie’s right, ya know?” Linda sits back, “And don’t let those pesky boys pick on you over it! We both witnessed how ‘smooth’ their paths were, they have barely any room to speak.”

I look between the two of them with a lazy smile on my lips, “You’re the best, both of you.” I let out a small sigh of relief. 

We all sit and chat while Linda writes up her list of what to bring to the Farmer’s Market this weekend. She passes the notebook to Eleanor so she can decide what plant pots to bring. Watching their friendship over the last year has been so precious. 

“Alright girls, I think I need to head out,” I scoot my chair back. 

“Don’t work too hard, sweetheart,” Linda quips, “But we’ll probably see you in a few hours.” She glances over at Eleanor. 

“Oh, probably,” she lets out a long sigh, “This old bat drags me out late every Friday.” Holding back a laugh, she side-eyes Linda. 

“Play nice, ladies!” I giggle, sending them a little wave, “I’ll see you two later.” 

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It’s Josh’s night to close the bar, but I can’t help myself from at least being around. I’ve been sitting in my office for the most part. Trying to focus on admin stuff, but it becomes incredibly apparent why I let Dan handle a lot of it. It doesn’t help that I have also been texting Charlotte all night. But, in my defense, why would I turn down the opportunity to text someone who seems interested in what I have to say? The fact she’s hot is just a bonus. 

I pick up my phone, unprepared for what I am about to endure. I see the blue dot next to the group chat with all the boys in it. We use it daily, but I just had a gut feeling about tonight’s conversation, considering how the rest of my day has gone. 

Employees of the Month 🏴‍☠️🏆 (& Sam) : 

Sam: Birdie says you may be able to pull someone if you shave your face 

Josh: quinn agrees 

Jake: i didn’t ask for opinions from the peanut gallery 

Daniel changes the groupchat name to “ Operation: Get Jake Laid 🫡”

Daniel: melody is also in favor of no mustache 

Josh: ​​it’s not our fault you look like a chimney sweep 

[Jake left the conversation]

[Sam added Jake to the conversation]

Sam: not so fast, Dick Van Dyke 

Jake: So literally nobody thinks it looks good?

Josh: not at all

Daniel: …no

Sam: ABSOLUTELY NOT LOL 

Josh: you already have the long hair, you’re giving jesus a little bit.

Josh: or homeless. take your pick. 

Sam: Definitely homeless, there’s only room for one jesus in this family 

Daniel: good point sam

Jake: i hate all of you

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Saturday 

“I’m off to work,” Josh says, rounding the corner from his bedroom. 

“Have fun,” I reply, looking up from my phone, “I’ll be down there in a little bit.” 

As soon as the lock flips on the door, I sit up from the couch. Usually, I’m not affected by the boys’ commentary. Still, for whatever reason, the simple act of shaving my face struck a nerve. I’m not particularly attached to having facial hair, but I wasn’t under the impression it was that bad. 

I stare into the mirror as the water is running; I mean, I know it’s not a big deal. If a girl didn’t like me for this, that sounds like her problem, as I throw my hair into a low bun. Grabbing my razor from the cabinet and stealing some of Josh’s shaving cream, I carefully dab some just above my lip. What if I look worse? No. Maybe they’re right; maybe I should just get rid of it. Fuck it. 

Making the first pass, I let out a small sigh. I slather on some more shaving cream to the rest of my face, quickly shaving it off. Well, I guess this looks okay.  Bzzzt. 

Charlotte: helloooo

Jake: good morrow m’lady how did you sleep 

The shower creaks a bit as I turn it on, giving the water a few minutes to heat up. It always feels like forever this time of year. Once the steam starts fogging up the mirrors, I pull my sweatshirt over my head and toss it on the counter. Bzzt. 

Charlotte: not bad. How are you? 

Jake: aside from falling into peer pressure, i’m okay haha 

I set my phone on top of my sweatshirt, quickly sliding off my sweats and swiftly moving into the shower. Letting the hot water run over me. What if she doesn’t even notice? Pouring shampoo into my hand and scrubbing it into my hair, maybe she’ll like this better? What am I even worried about? We’re just casually talking. Rinsing and then grabbing the conditioner, Though.. I wouldn’t be opposed. I run the conditioner through my ends and then lather the rest of my body with soap. I feel like she must at least think I’m an okay person if she’s listening to me ramble on about pirates?  I move back under the water, feeling the temperature start to change. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” I mumble to myself, trying to rinse everything off as quickly as possible. There’s nothing worse than the hot water running out mid-shower. As soon as my hair doesn’t feel slimy, I shut the water off with a quick shudder. I wring my hair out and grab my towel, drying myself before wrapping it tightly around my waist. 

I see my phone light up. 

Charlotte: Excuse me?

Charlotte: Who peer pressured you? Into what? 

Charlotte: Jacob! You can’t just say that and then disappear! 

I audibly laugh at her yelling at me, quickly replying to try and ease the suspense. 

Jake: i’m sorry i was in the shower LOL

Jake: oh just the boys per usual im just dumb and fell for it this time

I migrate to my bedroom, scanning my closet briefly before grabbing my staple long-sleeve button-up shirt and my black jeans. I pull them on as I hear the small buzz of my phone. 

Charlotte: Why are you avoiding saying what IT is? It can’t be that bad. 

Oh, sweetheart, I wish I knew if it were that bad. 

Jake: i haven’t decided if it’s that bad 

Charlotte: Well, let me help! 

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Rounding the corner to the bar, I set a handful of clean glasses on the back counter. Listening to Josh as he small talks with some of the customers. Having Josh bartend was probably one of the smartest things I could have done; everybody loves him. He’s much more extroverted than myself, on top of just being a sociable person. Bzzzt. 

I have to fight the urge to grab my phone every time it vibrates. She knows I’m working, so she won’t be upset if I take a second to reply. I’m cleaning up the back counter to try and help out Josh; I wipe down everything quickly to make sure I’m not in his way. 

Turning around, I see the door open as Willa walks through. It’s always a gamble to see who will be with her, Sam, or Quinn, and tonight's lucky winner is Samuel. I’ve watched them since the day they first met, and as much as they like to annoy each other, they are rather cute together. If there’s anything I know about my brother, he doesn’t ever actually want to annoy her; he just likes to ruffle her feathers. Get it- Birdie.. Feathers.. HAH. 

He pulls out the barstool a bit for her before taking the seat next to her. 

“OH MY GOD-” Willa yelps, “YOU SHAVED,” excitedly clapping her hands. Well, that didn’t take long. 

“It’s nice to see you too,” I slide small napkins in front of both of them, grinning at her excitement.  

“Jake, I literally see you all the time,” Sam torts back. 

“I was talking to Willa,” I deadpan, rolling my eyes before looking back to her, “What can I get for you, dear?” 

“Just something fruity,” she requests between laughs, “thank you!”

I glance at Sam with my eyebrows raised, “and you?”

“Wow, the customer service here is amazing,” laced in a sarcastic tone that quickly disappears when he quietly mumbles, “Whatever you make for her, just .. the same thing.”

Turning to make their drinks, bzzt, I slide my phone from my back pocket. 

Charlotte: Can you PLEASE just tell me what it is?

Jake: i promise you it’s not that exciting 

I quickly shoved my phone back into its rightful place and put together their drinks. Willa’s more carefully than Sam’s, at least she doesn’t cop an attitude with me. 

“Here you go, madam,” setting her drink on the napkin, “and here’s yours.” more abruptly setting Sam’s down. 

“So, Jake,” she starts, “how’s dating going?” 

My eyes wander over to my brother, who is looking everywhere but at me. That little shit.

“Oh, it’s um.. It’s going.”

“Well, I do have a friend who I could set you up with,” she continues, “ya know, if you want.” 

Finally, making eye contact with Sam, my eyebrows pull together as I cross my arms over my chest. 

“What? I didn’t say anything?” he says, putting his hands up. 

“Yes, you did!” Willa calls him out, “Don’t be dumb, Sam.” 

She looks back at me, putting her hands out across the bar, “I’m a girl, I can help, okay. What are you looking for? Tell meee!” 

Bzzzt. Shit.

I can feel the warmth settling in my face, and my hand finds its place on the back of my neck. 

“Oh, you’re so sweet,” I start, “but I don’t think I really have time to date right now.”

She sighs, “Oh come on– are you gunna let yourself wither away in this bar? You’re handsome; you shouldn’t have any problems dating.”

“Hello? I’m right here?” Sam butts in.

“This isn’t about you right now, babe.”

Charlotte: What if I just tell you that it is super exciting? Does that help?

Jake: oh my god you’re ridiculous hahaha

“What are you smiling at over there?” Willa’s tone was taunting. 

“Oh, it’s nothing,” I tell her, unable to contain the uncomfortable laugh that follows. 

“That doesn’t look like nothing.” 

I smirk, “I promise!” 

She looks like she will fling herself over the bar if I don’t tell her who I’m talking to. 

“Promises mean nothing to me, sir!” she quickly rebuttals, “give me the juicy deets!” 

My ears perk up at the ‘sir,’ but I’m not so easily swindled. 

“You almost got me there, but there’s nothing to tell.” I smile at her, raising my eyebrows as I walk to the other end of the bar. 

Charlotte: I promise I won’t laugh at you! I’m just too invested now

Jake: Charlotte

Charlotte: Jacob 

Charlotte: For the love of god, just tell me what it is

I don’t know what comes over me, but I immediately walk to the bathroom. Holding the edge of the sink with my free hand, I pull up my phone, clicking on the little camera. Click. I don’t bother to look, simply clicking ‘done.’ 

Jake: [ sends photo ] 

Read 9:37pm.  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The next few hours go by quickly. This is sort of the blessing of Saturday nights here; the nights tend to fly by with the number of people you talk to. I sent Josh home a little early. We were slowing down a bit, and he’s been here quite a lot lately. Which is a little my fault, but none of the bartenders I hire stick around long. 

I don’t want to cave, but I finally opened Charlotte’s messages. Seeing the ‘read’ makes me nervous. My thumbs defy me.  

Jake: is it that bad? 

Does that seem too needy? She doesn’t have to say anything. Maybe I scared her off with the picture. My mind races until I see her typing. 

Charlotte: What are you doing after work? 

The sense of relief when she responds is great, but why was she avoiding the conversation? Maybe it was just too weird for her. 

Jake: I get out at 2am.. what else am I going to do haha 

Charlotte: You’re so right 

Looking up to the corner, 1:15 a.m., before replying to her.

Jake: what are you doing awake? ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I spent the last forty-five minutes of the night trying to clean while slowly collecting everyone’s payments. Following the last customer to the doors, I locked myself in and felt the calm wash over me again. 

Charlotte: I don’t really know

Jake: well i’m sure you’re asleep now, but i’m free to keep you company if you’re still up 

My screen lights up before I can put it back into my pocket. Why is she facetiming me? This can’t be serious?  My thumb hovers over the ‘accept’ for a second, quickly tapping it. 

“Hi,” her voice softly rings through my ears. God, she’s so cute. 

“Helloo,” I say, matching her volume, “I definitely wasn’t expecting you to be up.”

“I just can’t sleep lately,”  Poor thing. 

“Well then,” propping my phone up against a glass, “lucky for you, I’m always awake into the wee hours of the morning.”  I glance over from the POS. 

“Doesn’t help when you don’t clock out until after two in the morning, huh?”

“You would be correct,” I let out a small laugh, taking a quick scan of the room. She tucks some hair behind her ear, then leans into her hand. 

“Do you have much left to do?” 

Clicking the power button on the screen, “Mmm, no, I’m actually done.” She smiles at my response. SHE SMILED. 

Flipping the lights and locking the doors behind me, I start up the stairs to the apartment. 

“I need to say hi to Josh real quick, so I’ll just put you in my pocket for a second?” 

Her small laugh sounds like heaven, causing my own grin to grow across my face. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I softly knock on Josh’s door a few times before opening it, sliding my phone into my front pocket. 

“Hey, I have a proposition for you,” I say, leaning against the doorframe. 

“I’m listening.”

“Would you like to take the earlier shift tomorrow and then be able to see Quinn?” I raise my eyebrows, knowing that if it involves Quinn, he will always say yes. 

“Obviously,” his voice suspicious. 

“Done deal. I’ll close so you two can spend some time together.” 

He cocks an eyebrow at me before questioning me, “You’re being too nice to me… what’s going on?” 

“Nothing’s going on, I just know you’ve been working a lot, and Quinn’s free tomorrow, sooo,” I giggle. 

His eyes squinted, “I'm not going to argue it.. How was your night?” His tone going back to normal. 

“Not terrible, but I’m exhausted,” I lie. 

“YOU’RE TIRED?” Loudly escapes him, clutching his heart dramatically. 

I laugh, “Shocking, isn’t it?” To which he just nods. 

“Sleep well. Love you bub.”

“Love you too, kiddo!” ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“Sorry about that,” I whisper, softly shutting my bedroom door. 

“You shouldn’t lie to your brother.” 

My eyebrow raises at her comment, “And what am I lying about?” 

She crosses her arms over her chest, “I’m exhausted,” she mocks me. I can’t help but laugh at her; I wasn’t prepared for her to make fun of me. 

“Well, shit,” I sit back on my bed, “you got me, huh?” 

I can see some color creep into her cheeks, making my heart shake. 

“Hold on, I’m just gonna set you down,” I toss my phone onto my pillows. Grabbing the navy sweatshirt sitting on the end of my bed. I slide my shirt off, quickly pull the sweatshirt over me, then toss my jeans into my closet. 

I move myself up to lean against the wall, grabbing my phone and taking her in while she’s looking off to the side. The freckles on her cheeks look like they were individually painted on. Perfect. 

I catch a glimpse of myself, rubbing just underneath my nose a few times before just settling into my usual fidget.  

“You look cute,” she says, just above a whisper. I feel my face warm as I gaze at her through my phone screen. I gently pick at my lip as I fight the smile threatening to come out. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, um,” she quickly says, I can see the subtle panic on her face. 

“No, no, it’s okay. I uh,” I stammer a bit, “I just think that you’re the cute one here,” I spit out as fast as I can. 

“Jacob quit it!” 

 “Unfortunately, I can’t,” I giggle, “Trying to break that pesky lying habit or whatever.”

She rolls her eyes at that, fighting the smirk on her face. We both just stare at each other for a second before she finally breaks the silence. 

“So, you’re working again tomorrow night?” 

 “Mhm,” I watch as she rubs her eyes. “Do you want to go to bed?” She quickly shakes her head, ‘No.’  

 She quietly adjusts herself so she’s almost lying down on her couch; this isn’t going to last long.. oh? Hearing the faint sound of a sea shanty, I know and love. 

“What are you watching?” 

 “Pirates of the Caribbean,” her lazy smile wide, “it’s the third one.” Oh god, you’re killing me. 

“Hoist the colors high” I sing along under my breath. 

 I’m genuinely unable to look anywhere except for her; the way her smile hasn’t faltered since I clocked her watching pirates. Her eyes struggle to stay open as the lights from her TV flicker across her face. 

“Go to sleep, hun,” keeping my voice soft, “You can text me as soon as you wake up.”

 She blinks incredibly slowly, followed by a sigh. “Okay,” she murmurs. She waves quickly, tucking her hand back under her chin. 

I send her a small finger wave, lingering for an extra second to take her in, ���Goodnight,” I whisper before hanging up. Oh, I’m so fucked. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Sunday 

“Have you tried any of those dating apps? You know, the swipey game-like ones!” Josh says, sounding a bit too excited. 

“I think I’m good on those.” 

“What about the lovely redhead you have a crush on?” he presses further. 

“I told you, it’s not like that.” 

Not pleased with that response, he rebuts, “Well, you need to get a girlfriend at some point.” He glances over to Quinn for a second before turning back to me. They’ve been sitting at the bar since he clocked out a while ago. I swear they hang out just to torture me. 

“It is a little strange, Jake..” They start, “You haven’t dated at all since I’ve known you.” Putting on their best ‘I feel bad’ face. 

“How is it strange?” I don’t know why I asked. 

The smile on their face was telling enough, “Are you sure you’re not.. ya know?” Following it with a subtle head nod towards Josh. 

“That would be a fun twist!” Josh spits out excitedly. 

My jaw slacks at the question, “WOW. No, I promise I like women.”  Shaking my head as I lean against the back counter, folding my arms over me. 

“Sounds like something someone who’s-” 

Josh laughs before he cuts them off quickly, “Oh Bug, he’s just woefully bad at flirting and can hardly speak up enough to grab the attention of the ladies who come in.” 

“I’m right here, hello?” I scoff, quietly pulling out my phone. 

Me: not my brother’s partner questioning if i’m gay or not 

Charlotte: Well.. everybody is allowed to have questions! 

Me: I’M NOT GAY DONT SIDE WITH THEM

I look up to see Josh staring at me, only to glance quickly at my phone, which is still in my hand. Shaking my head quickly with a slight frown, I avoid answering the inevitable question: “Who are you talking to?”  I know it’s coming because I know my brother, and boy, oh boy, does he love to know everything and anything that happens.  

As more people sit at the bar, I spend more time making sure that they’re all happy and just casually glance to the end, where Josh and Quinn are sitting. How they look at each other, like the other one created the stars and hung the moon, has always been so sweet to me. I haven’t seen Josh this happy in so long, and I’ll be eternally grateful to Quinn for being so good to him. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to come into his life. 

I scan the room, seeing a handful of empty bottles and glasses. I do a quick lap through the tables to grab everything. I make sure to say ‘hello’ to any regulars who are in tonight while noticing a few fresh faces. 

Seems like a lot of couples tonight. Seeing the amount of people sitting on the same side or the causal holding hands on top of the table. It’s all adorable to see; unfortunately for me, it’s always just witnessing romance. 

Coming back to my rightful place behind the bar, I catch a glimpse of Quinn planting their lips on my brother’s cheek. I can’t catch a break. 

Bzzt. 

Charlotte: Can we Facetime when you’re done working? I’ve napped too much today and I’m going to be awake all night. 

Me: i’m honored, of course we can  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Flipping the lock after the last customer strolls out, I can already feel my phone vibrate. 

“Well, aren’t you just breathtaking?” 

There she is, with her long red hair tied into possibly the most messy bun imaginable, in a too-big sweatshirt, curled up in what must be her bed this time. She looked like she had been napping all day, yet she was still insanely beautiful. 

“It’s SO late, and you can’t hold that against me!” 

“To be fair, you called me- I didn’t force this.” I tease, holding my one free hand up. 

Her smile widens at my point, “touché, Jacob.” 

After closing the bar and running upstairs, I prop my phone on the counter and rummage through the fridge. 

“What are you going to make?” 

“That is a great question,” I say, staring into my fridge with minimal options. Cooking at 2:30 am has always been a humbling experience, but at least I have company this time. 

Grabbing the leftover soup Josh made, I pull out the smaller saucepan we have. I take the time to reheat it properly because it means getting to sit on FaceTime with her. 

“What did you spend all day doing?” I ask mindlessly, “Besides harassing me while I worked.” I look at her, trying to contain my smirk. 

“Oh, hush,” she waves her hand at the camera, “mostly watching movies and trying to not let myself work since it’s Sunday- well.. was Sunday and all.” 

She still hasn’t told me what happened, even though I unfortunately figured it out. I won’t make her uncomfortable by asking, though seeing the way her face fell when she mentioned trying not to work makes me wonder if she has a hard time doing anything else. 

“I’m glad you let yourself rest,” I tell her, “you’re allowed to take days for yourself.” 

The look on her face is sinister as she says, “You should probably take your own advice there, Sir.” Letting out a small cackle, she knows she clocked me a little too fast on that.

I can’t decide if my body is warm because of her calling me out or the fact she called me ‘Sir.’ Either way, I dramatically let my jaw slack, clutching my chest just to hear her laugh again. 

“You got me there, Red,” I admit. 

“Have you taken a day off since I first came in?”

I simply shake my head. Maybe I do work too much, but what else am I supposed to do when I enjoy being there? The benefit of it being just downstairs as well is that I can visit my favorite place in the world within a matter of a minute. I know I could take days off and probably stand to at this point, but I also don’t know what else to spend my time doing. I’ve been eating, sleeping, and breathing for this bar since I bought it almost two years ago. I spend most of my time with my brothers, and most of my friends have moved away for college or just to escape the cold. Can’t blame them.  

“Jacob?” 

Her voice pulled me out of my thoughts, causing her to giggle when I jumped at the sound. 

“Lost you there for a minute, huh?” 

I chuckle, “Maybe for a second, but I’m back now.”

We move off the topic of work quickly as she tells me about the movies she watched in between naps today. She loves older movies, and I tell her I’m sure she and Josh would have a field day talking about them. She’s watched everything from Casablanca to A Walk To Remember and The Notebook. It’s cute how much she loves romance.

“What other movies do you like?” 

My eyes widened when I realized my other favorite movie was a rom-com. 

“Hah, well, besides Pirates obviously, I uh-” I hesitate for a moment, worried she will think I’m just trying to play into it. 

“You, uh, what? We’ve done this once before. You know you’re going to tell me,” she taunts me, and she’s absolutely correct. I want nothing more than to tell her anything she wants to know, which is definitely not stressing me out. 

“Love Actually,” I spit out quickly, rubbing my hand over my face. I’m not embarrassed that I enjoyed it; it’s a good movie- a great movie, even. I just don’t think anybody aside from Josh knows that. We’ve spent countless Christmas seasons watching it multiple times leading up to the holiday. 

“Are you serious?” she sounds mildly shocked. 

I nod my head, waiting for her to poke fun at me. 

“That’s precious.” 

I was unprepared for her response, fully ready to defend myself, and all I could say was, “Oh.” 

“If it weren’t October, I would put it on,” she says, and honestly, this woman will be the death of me. 

“Good thing November is right around the corner,” I manage to mumble out, still taken aback by the subtle compliment. We sit in comfortable silence for a moment. I can’t help but try to make eye contact through a screen, but when she looks into her camera, it feels like a small jolt shoots through my body. What is going on? 

I finally make it to my bedroom a while later; it’s now nearing 4:00 a.m. My phone is dying, and my exhaustion is creeping in, but not nearly as much as hers. Slowly but surely, she’s gotten more and more comfortable as we talk about anything that comes to mind. 

I let my phone sit in my lap as I pull my shirt over my head, leaning forward to toss it onto the pile of laundry I should take care of. Grateful it’s a bit easier to get rid of my jeans without her seeing it. Still, I can’t help noticing how her eyes wander to my necklace. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t take the subtle scent of beer anymore,” I speak lower, unintentionally. 

She quietly clears her throat, “Oh, haha, that makes sense.” Her eyes darted away from the screen as if she were caught. 

It was quiet for a moment until she let out a yawn, trying to hide it in her elbow. Her eyes stayed closed for a second longer. 

“Why don’t you go to sleep?” I whisper, “It’s 4:00 am.”

Her eyes slowly open to look at me. I can’t tell what she’s feeling besides being exhausted. She sighs slightly before whispering back, “But I want to talk to you.”

My breath catches at her statement. She wants to talk to me?  My heart feels like it could explode at any moment, and my hands start to shake. 

I nervously laugh, “What if I go to sleep too?”  

Her lazy smile creeps across her face. “Promise?” She sticks out her pinky to me.

“Promise,” I return the gesture quickly, “You can even bug me later if you want.”

Her tired giggle engraved into my brain, “Just you wait.” 

“I’ll be on the edge of my seat.”

“Goodnight, Jake.”  Jake.

“Sweet dreams, Red.”

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Six

Chapter Eight

FDOG Masterpost | Masterlist | FDOG Playlist

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[mixelation]

reborn au: sometimes tori should be allowed to win. as a little treat

iwa fails team 4, which is just funny. i was debating minato just promoting itachi bc he'd have the missions for it, but actually i think it'd be funnier if he went and took a formal exam in a way that somehow pre-empts deidara from doing it? idk how that could work, but i think it would be Fun if both deidara and itachi won the tournament in their exams, and for that they'd have to take them separately

(it might make more sense logistically if itachi was like "why do i care? i'm an ANBU captain. i already have the paycheck/security clearances" and then deidara solos the next exam and itachi is like ".....wait i can't let him win" and solos the NEXT one. but also i think the laws of the universe are such that itachi should advance first, because it would piss deidara off)

anyway the point is. tori applies for R&D immediately and spends all her free time slinking around & then complaining she's not allowed to do her own projects

minato after she's tried some insane manipulations to take over R&D: (squints at her) yeah, because you're a genin. just apply to be a chunin?

it has not once occurred to tori she could be promoted the regular way. she's used to just like.... infecting a space, like a fungus. and then people get used to her enough that she gets to do what she wants.

tori: what is rank to a fungus?

deidara: what the fuck are you talking about? just take the exam. you'll get a raise and then we can afford a nice ass apartment together

anyway tori signs up for the next chunin exam feeling extraordinarily like she's doing some sort of weird undercover mission. she's not a ninja in her mind, she just plays one on tv. then kushina is like "ohohoho so are you going to keep up the team reputation and win the tournament???" and tori is like ".....no?" but both deidara AND itachi make the same joke

tori: i think you're really overestimating me 8|

it's not that tori doesn't think she can't take on any task they might throw at a chunin, or that she won't pass. akatsuki had her doing missions as a civilian, okay, she can handle chaos and responsibility and the associated danger. she just never, ever picks "fight" as her first solution to a problem... and the chunin exam tournament is just a fight. there's no changing parameters or redefining your win condition to force the outcome in your favor. it's just.... a fight. which she's iffy at

kushina: oh, i get your problem. your baseline is whack

tori: no no, i'm pretty sure there's lots of thirteen year olds that could beat me up

kushina: do you know what makes a ninja good-- like, actually good? it's not being the strongest. it's being able to go up against someone who's stronger than you and winning anyway. and a lot of people won't ever be able to do that, but you definitely could

so tori goes and takes her exam and it turns out the average thirteen year old sucks!!! she wins easy!!!

tori: what the FUCK

then she goes home and is like "i won? i don't get it??" and two weeks later she's a special jounin* because minato wants her to have the associated permissions

minato: go on, go do fuinjutsu reearch to your heart's content

tori: ;^; i am going to make the MOST forbidden technique

minato: please don't

*special jounin in my mind is for people who have a specialized jounin-level skill but don't qualify for a full jounin promotion, because those people need increased security clearances and shit compared to a standard chunin. it's not EXACTLY a rank between chunin and jounin because there's a lot of variation in abilities within in it... like at this point tori would basically be an average chunin in terms of combat but also capable of making up s-rank techniques on the fly

[don-quixotine]

some ATLA post-trailer thoughts now that I'm done foaming at the mouth:

I am really curious to find out what could possibly have been the creative differences that made bryke walk out of the project. The trailer didn't disclose much of the plot, but judging by the cameos, it looks like they will be stitching together all the 'earth-adjacent' episodes like kyoshi warriors, the one with Teo and the mechanic, and Omashu. Wonder if we'll get Haru or if they'll skip that/leave that for s2.

I have the sneaking suspicion that the timeline will be different. As in, Aang won't have 1 year to complete his quest but maybe 2 or 3. Not only does it make sense for production purposes, but if Kataang stays as part of the plot, it won't look as awkward if they let Gordon grow a couple inches because that sweet boy is TINY🥺

I am still holding my reservations with the cast's acting range and chemistry, but I am very optimistic. Don't get me wrong, I think the casting choices are phenomenal. They look and sound exactly like their animated counterparts, but there is still something a bit... off. idk, maybe it's just me, but it seems that every time the cast is doing pr they're too rehearsed, too nervous to be themselves. And I could see some of that hesitation in the trailer. It may be just me, though. Plus they are still very young and these are their first major acting roles, so I can understand the charisma doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily as with, say, the cast of One Piece, who are ten years older than them. After seeing the trailer, though, I'm definitely giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Gordon looks like he’s going to smash the ball out of the park. I'm very excited to see him in the more vulnerable scenes.

After seeing the kids mention how hard it was to portray humor in such a serious project several times during the after-trailer party video, I am a tiny bit concerned that this may be one of the major creative differences. Like, one of the reasons ATLA was so successful was because it did the rare accomplishment of telling a story about war and suffering without ever sacrificing humor, hope, and light-heartedness. I will not forgive Netflix if they attempted to turn atla into a slightly funnier version of Game of Thrones.

Also, I am aware that this is a trailer so they'll keep some stuff out but,,,, where is Yue? 🤔

Things I will not forgive Netflix for if they leave them out:

MY CABBAGES!!!

[fluffypotatey]

"I collar the beast." "Wukong's fangs have been pulled." I can't believe y'all fr. "I get all the punishment and you get to mope." He was moping because he cares and feels guilty, speaking of, THE BINDING SCENE IS SO MUCH MORE INTENSE HERE WUKONG'S SCREAM THE PANICKED STUMBLING ohoho yes. MK: "It's tense in here." Wukong, two seconds ago: yOU tHINK I wANtED tO bE trAPPED dOWN hErE wiTH yOU. Wukong's tail: *cute pokey pokey* "You got demoted!" Ha, also "Nezhy" Oh my gosh, I don't think I caught this last time but Wukong subtly looks over to Macaque who just nods at him ajksms they were feuding and glooming a second ago but now its all silent communication and understanding in a glance. I'm throwing them off a roof. I'm struggling to hear what Macky says here, but I'm going to subscribe to the subtitles with "he likes acting." It's funnier. Also MK's "best attorney monkeys can buy" gotta love thinking about monkeys needing attorneys and also having money and buying things lol. "A pain crab on Monkey King's head." 😭 "Why is it always like this when you come here." actually love this one more because he's so grumpy and I feel like it has a different, funnier implication than the subtitles. he isn't causing chaos AFTER coming here, it just IS. what does that say about the vibes you bring /j. crying at Macky's face at all times, he is the picture definition of a grumpy cat, and then when getting pushed and the absolutely DONE yell of "Wukoooong!" I can watch a whole netflix series of Macky being fed up with Wukong's antics but getting dragged into them. tricky plan demon huh, that's a quick way to silence them after just talking about someone pulling the strings, especially on you MK. also Macky is SO little creachure with his face hidden like a hermit in that cape. "I don't trust anyone who isn't standing here. Right. Now." SAME MACONDO what a shocking statement from your old buddy. more at 11 only on ShadowPeachNews. The writers KNEW what they were doing. Also AHHHHH *looks at you with my big brown eyes* Fluffy I SWEAR I told myself I wouldn't talk about this again until you were able to answer the asks on my last yapping about this, BUT THEY MADE IT SO MUCH WORSE. Firstly, Macky's *voice* for that line delivery is the most solemn dramatic thing I have seen. He lives and breathes the cinema. AND MK I'm really tossing him over a cliff because he just HAD TO GO "He'd get away, right? He always gets away...right?" UGH TFW YOU'RE SO KNOWN FOR BEING THAT GUY WHO FLEES FROM BATTLE that it's brought up this time not for the *dude really???* but as a plea, an attempt at faith, haha he's always doing that...he did it again right? NO BECAUSE THIS TIME HE STUCK AROUND TO FIGHT. and Wukong's constipated expression there bc ohoho some monkey is for sure thinking about the past.

i am, for one, with you on throwing shadowpeach off a cliff bc they make me so unwell in this episode 🫠

for another:

LI JING WHEN I GET YOU!!!!! HOW DARE YOU CALL WUKONG A BEAT AND PULL HIS FANGS!!!!

also i can’t help but think about why Nezha was even there in the first place. because the one the kings summoned was his dad. Nezha wasn’t supposed to be there and yet he comes along 👀 why? my thought is: to plead the monkeys’ case. he immediately tries to defend them to his father and it seems like it’s been an ongoing argument

like sure he rags on Wukong and hems & hahs at him because like have you met Wukong that cheeky lil shit??? his gremlin energy just shoots to 150% whenever Nezha is near. he can’t help it. it’s his DO NOT PUSH red button that he will absolutely push

and Macky’s “why is it always like this when you’re here” to Wukong has such a divorced energy i love it 😍 he knows Wukong so well and is just resigned to it. every time Macky has had to interact with Heaven, Wukong is always there making a scene (he’s not exempt to helping swk but his point still stands lmao)

Wukong’s pout, my beloved

when your ex says the reason he’s mopey isn’t because you got hurt but because he is in jail with you for something you’ve been blamed for. echoing his “NOT THE GREAT SAGE! HE’S GOTTA DRAG EVERYONE INTO HIS MESS!” comment from the memory scroll 👀

what who said that lol that was weird

god they’re so— squishes them and squishes them and squishes them and squishes them and squishes them and squishes them and squishes them and