#I could write ESSAYS about this one boys……
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Jayvik fics list (pt 1)
(+ some Jayvikmel)
They are soulmates, Your Honor, whether platonic or romantic is irrelevant.
Firstly, here is an essay by isdisorigionale. Yes, they apparently wanted to write about a brotherly relationship. But it doesn't really read like that, in my opinion.
An Aroace Analysis of Jayvik—Not Necessarily Romance, Absolutely Not “Bros”
Their summary>
An essay I wrote in 90 minutes 2 hours after finishing Season 2 Act 3. Notably, those two hours were spent screaming to my friends on how fucking generational that Jayvik was.
Or: They obviously didn't need to make them make out to show how much they love each other, but I’m also pissed at how apparently this is being called a bromance like ?????
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Now onto the fanfics >
Green is my thoughts on the fics.
Those are shorter fics that I read...After the finale, fanfiction is helping me cope. I'll make a separate list with older and longer fics.
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You're Dreaming by Skullsz_Writes
Viktor & Jayce are researching in the library, but Jayce falls asleep...
Short and sweet fic about Viktor crushing on Jayce in season 1
An Epilogue by GwenEani
In the countryside of Demacia two men arrive one day, no one knows anything about them, no one even knows their names for certain. But they know one thing: they are partners and are here to stay.
What if Jayce and Viktor didn't die in each other's arms but were teleported away and were living domestic lives? There are a lot of these here, and rightfully so. They deserve some happiness.
to rot and ruin by ember360
The first words Viktor says to Jayce are immortalised on Jayce's wrist. The first words Jayce says to Viktor... are not what he thinks.
Soulmate AU for these two was a need. I love Soul Mark fanfictions.
Fortune Kooky by setbet
“And you end up with… a beard!” she exclaimed pointing at Jayce’s face.
Viktor rolled his eyes while Jayce looked on, amazed at her prophecy.
“And then…” she turned her gaze to Viktor. “You turn into a robot!” cried out the fortune teller, falling back in fear. “A terrifying robot bent on taking over the world!”
“Eh, sounds fake,” said Viktor.
“Viktor, don't be rude!” said Jayce, but starting to feel a bit doubtful at this point.
A fic about two academy boys visiting a completely accurate fortune teller.
Universal Constants. by Azurita25
“Yes, well… there is also the idea of constants, no? Universal constants. Gravity is always present, the Earth always spins around the sun–”
“And we always end up doing laundry together?”
“I do not think the laundry is the part that’s important,” Viktor stressed.
“So what is?” Jayce replied, making Viktor laugh, shake his head.
“You are.”
--Or, a glimpse into all the universes where Jayce and Viktor find each other.
wrong bedroom by a1sher
“Wait a minute, this isn’t my bedroom.” Viktor and Jayce tries to break into Heimerdinger’s lab only to end up in Viktor’s bedroom;)
What if Mel accepted Vik's excuse?
…And They Were Roommates! by draconabraxas
Mel Medarda never thought she’d go on a date with a taken man; homewrecking was beneath a woman of her standing.
In her defense, nobody in their circle seemed to know if Jayce and Viktor were together, either. So, how was she supposed to know?
Miscomunication and more miscomunication! Mel isn't a sidepeace!
Why Love Songs Exist by Slither
"All these timelines at our fingertips." Viktor pauses. He smirks in such a way that Jayce knows he has a silly idea. "It would be funny if I were a worm in an alternate universe," he says.
"I think you would be a cute worm," says Jayce—his Jayce—without hesitation, and then he shrugs. "I would put you in the best garden I could find and feed you the freshest fruits," he adds casually.
Giopara is silently mouthing the phrase "what the fuck" behind them, as Viktor's mouth falls open. "Oh."
Oh, he says, as if that did not remind him of everything Jayce revealed before they sacrificed their souls to contain the Arcane. Oh, that he was beautiful. Oh, that he was...
Desired?
Or Jayce basically confessed his love, but the specifics remained unclear to Viktor.
Kiss me like one of your Zaun Boys by setbet
“They’re making out in the lab.”
“Yeah, they do that a lot.”
“But they’re not boyfriends?”
“We don’t talk about it.”
The first time Viktor kissed Jayce, it was a quick peck on the cheek, followed by a casual conversation. The next time it's on the lips, but then it's back to talk about formulas. Jayce concludes it must be a cultural thing, and also starts to kiss Viktor back. Everybody else is confused.
A story of two friends kissing each other, who are definitely not boyfriends.
only you by babybirb
Jayce and Viktor don't quite cease to exist. Instead, they are side by side in each breath, in each droplet of blood, in each wave of sound and light. What seems to be the end, is only the beginning for them. And together, they pave their way forth.
An ethereal alternate after-ending to Jayce and Viktor and the love they hold for each other. With it, they exist within all possibilities.
not to me, not if it's you by brewstersbru
They were supposed to die, then, a better ending than Viktor expected. Far sweeter than he deserved. Jayce’s hand warm and broad against his neck, foreheads tipped together, breaths fanning over skin. It was neat. It was nice.
And then he woke up, splayed in a field, draped in the tatters of Jayce’s blanket. A groan rose from his left, then some pitiful shuffling before a final, loud thump, accompanied by a slight warble.
perfect imperfections by bbgghost
In his dying moments, Jayce revisits some important moments he has shared with Viktor. And makes some new memories along the way.
i knew you in another life (you had that same look in your eyes) by coefemi
Jayce shakes his head. “You don’t need to thank me. I’d do it for you. I’d do anything.” He sounds so earnest too, and Viktor believes him. He is safe with this boy, he decides. Jayce’s smile makes him feel like he can eat the world raw, and Viktor wants to hold onto it forever.
When Viktor and Jayce's foreheads touch, all the infinite what-could-have-beens spill through their minds.
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2x7 AU\No Hextech AU
I'd love to see more of this AU and will also write fanfiction about it.
Quiet Resonance by Qakk281
Jayce rarely wakes up before Viktor, but on the rare mornings he does, he savors every second.
After the events of Act 3, Jayce and Viktor found themselves in a different timeline, where Hextech doesn't exist.
what could've been, would've been (what should've been you) by ghostlyecho
They got married in this universe.
Jayce grabs Viktor’s left hand, examining it. He looks at his own.
Twin rings adorn their fingers, Viktor’s golden, Jayce’s silver, both holding a fragment of blue crystal in the middle.
They’re married. They vowed their life to the other, they promised themselves to one another, they actually acted upon the deep-rooted emotions that coursed through the garden that was their relationship, that stubborn weed called love, that always came back no matter how many times you plucked it.
What if it was Jayce who got to see his life in an alternate universe
What Could Have Been by TheUnknownGoose
When Jayce woke up he nearly leaped out of bed when he realized bed? Why am I in bed? His heart was pounding against his rib cage as he looked around. He was in a bedroom, not his though.
Or Jayce sees what could have been if one thing had gone differently.
In Every Universe, It's You by AniresNevil
In an Alternate Universe, a young scientist Jayce loses his hopes and dreams when an explosion in his studyroom takes a life of an young girl. Dean's assistant Viktor still seems to find him in every lifetime, and together they accomplish something once again with the power of their partnership. And maybe with something more.
What happened to Jayce and Viktor in the Universe where Ekko traveled to in season 2?
Both arms cradle you now by Alexthestarlover
They're meant to be. In every timeline of any universe, throughout all the endless possibilities of actions and worlds. Their souls are intertwined. But is it possible that they're together in death too?
there was something about you, but now i cant remember by DipitinPuddinggg
He held out a hand for a shake, "I'm Jayce."
At the edges of his mind, a familiar voice echoed through the walls of his skull. A voice that was the same but also not. A face that was so familiar, but too smooth at this point in time, not yet marred by years of labour and hardship that not even the strongest person in Runeterra could survive on his own.
"I don't even know your name."
Viktor smiled and shook it, "Viktor."
After getting sucked into the rune, Jayce and Viktor get transported to a different timeline without the memories of their previous life. Except, some things start seeping in.
you'll never shine if you don't glow by hexcorehomos
Viktor woke up, his fact was hot, sweat dripping down it. Where was he?
He looked around, it looked like Piltover. He slowly tried to get up, still confused. He should be dead, he exploded with the Arcane. That's when he figured out that his leg was back to normal. He groaned, falling face down into the grass. He wondered if Jayce was here too, oh, Jayce. What would Viktor do without him?
He saw a few people pass, but he got the courage to speak up when he saw familiar blue hair, almost like Jinx's. "Uh, miss.." he got her attention, turning towards him.
"Hello, sir?" she responded. She had gorgeous blue eyes. "I need- I need help. My cane is gone, and I cant walk without it." he lied, desperate for help.
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The Poly relationship>
Radical Violence Theory by begaydocrimes10001
When Mel Medarda realizes that she's completely ignored Viktor's potential as a scientist, as an academic, she quickly seeks to remedy that. He may not be Jayce Talis, but he has his own brain, and he seems to be far more useful than most think. She's a practical woman, after all- it would be useful to have another genius on her side.
And when she realizes Viktor is also in love with Jayce Talis, and Jayce loves them both? She's still practical, after all-- she sees an opportunity.
(Or, Mel and Viktor are more similar than one might think. That applies to who they love, but it applies to how they love too.)
Mel and Vik are platonic in this one, and I love it. Sadly, the positive interaction between them in Cannon is non-existent.
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Explicit> (some are 2x8 specific)
Wild Like a March hare by crow_brain
Wild are the glimpses of their life, hot coals burning the soles of their feet. They dance like animals, trying to close the gap between.
(Or the body worship Viktor's always should've gotten)
Cosmic Coitus by Wink_Wonk_Wank_Wenk
Now that there’s nothing but space around them, they can do whatever they want.
Inevitable Change by magisterpavus
Viktor isn’t the same when he comes back.
Jayce is determined to make it work anyway.
convince you by spectacularorange
after being rejected once, viktor must find a way to convince jayce to join him.
2x8
Partners. by lw192
Taking place during the fight scene in the councilor's room, Jayce and Viktor reconcile and realize just how much they need each other.
(Jayce and Viktor fuck on the councilor's table.)
Can I hold you? (Even if its just pretend?) by Issavandra
“My partner died in this room,” he ground out.
“Do I seem dead to you Jayce?” Viktor asked. Jayce could feel him moving closer, he swore he felt something brush his nose. “I have never been more alive.”
A cool, metallic finger passed over his bottom lip in a featherlight touch. It felt almost reverent. “Do you want me to show you just how alive I am?”
#arcane#arcane fanfic#jayvik#jayvik fanfic#fanfic list#jayvikmel#arcane jayce#arcane viktor#arcane mel#league of legends#i can’t fucking believe they find each other in every timeline#Bromance??? It was supposed to be a bromance?
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a mutual kind of lament. 🌧️
#I could write ESSAYS about this one boys……#witch hat atelier#qifrey#δ帽子#artists on tumblr#coco#my art
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mezalean smalletho won’t leave my brain
closeups
and also extra doodles because i’m going to goinsane
#my art#smallishbeans fanart#ethoslab fanart#life series au#empires smp#empires au#trafficshipping#i’m stuck in a boat help me#imso deep in smalletho hell you have no idea#i love mezalea so much you have no idea#i have so many smalletho doodles you have no idea#i could write an essay about life series joel i could write an essay about life series etho i could write an essay I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY.#the shame is i have been able to rant about my boat boy hyperfixation to exactly 0 people#damn you social anxiety. damn you#if you couldn’t tell i suck at outfit design. yet another thing i must work on#smalletho#forgot that one#somehow#oughehrgjsoxuhdgh#i lied last time apparently im still getting anxiety#im posting this now before i die okay goodbye
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ILY FP 258
I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.
Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.
I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!
That's enough rambling, let's jump in.
There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.
But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.
A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.
This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.
I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.
There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.
As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.
Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.
And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.
How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).
He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.
He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.
And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;
For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.
I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...
Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.
But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.
I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.
I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.
And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.
Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.
#ILY Brainrot#ILY FP#ILY Spoilers#I Love Yoo#Kousuke Hirahara#Shinhye#idk what to tag her as because we know she isn't known as Shinhye anymore#and because Simhan and their mother never married AND she was from a previous relationship Yoo isn't even her family name#so I can't really use Shinhye Yoo lol#alas#anyway this episode was DEVASTATING and quimchee said it's the beginning of the sad episodes meant to happen in March#literally said 'It's all downhill from here'#which I take to mean til the timeskip#BUCKLE UP BABIES WE'RE GOING FOR A BIG CRY SESH ;______;#i gotta say tho this episode didn't even make me cry - i guess because none of this is new and I've been bracing myself for it#Kousuke is so fucking wet cat it agonizes me ;_____;#I could write a whole essay on how Yui destroyed him and Nol in one fell swoop#i think a lot about precocious little Kousuke who tried so hard to be a good little boy and rushed through school because he wanted so badl#to hurry up and catch up to his father and join him in the workplace#all the opportunities he lost#the way he tried to fit himself into a personality a person he never picked out but just believed would get him what he wanted#he lost himself in the process#or maybe he never even got to know himself#i think too a lot about Kousuke who played piano and gave it up when he came to believe it wasn't important to his dad#that it didn't garner the attention and praise he seeked#so he dropped it to better mold himself into someone he thought Rand WOULD be proud of#FUCKING DEVASTATED#I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF SOBS
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Ride 749: The last Straight Road*
(NdT.: same pun Kinaka always makes with his name and the word for straight road)
Pag 1
1: I....
3: Imaizumi-san!!
4: Go- good work!!
Good work!!
You were taking a long time for this lap
Pag 2
1: Yes, teh, I got a fl-fl-flat- my bike!!
Yessir!!
2: It's the tire!!
4: Only tires can get a flat
Ah- damn, yes, that's right
Right!!
6: I thought something like this might have happened, so I brought these
Replacement tubes, tire levers, and a pump. Use them
Pag 3
2: This is unusual!! I never thought Imaizumi-san was the attentive type – is it just for us!?
Yeah!! I thought first and second years were just not important to him....
3: You don't want to use the,?
We'll use them, thank you so much!!
4: You saved us, teh....!!
That's true
6: Ah, uhm... but..... Imaizumi-san
Earlier you said that
7: Sugimoto-san won't come”, what did you mean?
Pag 4
1: He retired
Pag 5
1: He's still displayed on the board, but
3: There's still time until midnight
If Sugimoto-kun....
4: Please leave the possibility open in case Sugimoto-kun wants to come back!!
5: Onoda insisted
6: Re... tired.....
Sugi..... moto-san....
Pag 6
1: He used up all his stamina and mental strength in his fight against Danchiku, and he was defeated
2: You didn't notice because you've been on the course the whole time
4: Ah... actually, when it got dark, Sugimoto-san and Danchiku-san passed us various times... teh
Huh!? That? So at that time-!?
5: You have no time to talk about unimportant things
As soon as you're done with the repairs, run, first years
6: Soon
Pag 7
1: Waa, ye-yes, teh, thank you for the tools
Yeah, there's still 40km
2: If we join our strengths....
Don't cooperate
5: Teh!?
7: From now on, you can't allow yourselves to run like friends
8: Huh....
Our “buddies” stickers.....!?
You have to fight
Pag 8
1: And win the last spot to be an Inter High member!!
Pag 9
1: Fa.... ight....
2: Against.... Kinaka-kun
3: Against.... Rokudai
4: 35km left!!
Gooo!! Kinakaa, Rokudaii!!
Do your best...!!
5: I feel like they'll be able to run the 1000km!!
Amazing!
Ah, but there was no distance between them just now?
Pag 10
1: Fight....
2: The spot as a regular in the two-times national champion, Sohoku....
3: I can't take it by just being friendly....!!
4: And also
5: There's Sugimoto-san's wish!!
Pag 11
1: Wa- wait, please, Imaizumi-san
But.... if in this training camp the condition to become the sixth regular was to finish the 1000km first....
2: Then why did Sugimoto-san and Danchiku-san race!?
4: I came here to give you a message from Sugimoto
5: I think, I think it's necessary, you know
Sohoku is a team that connect and support each other
6: Just like during our first year, you, Naruko, and Onoda, connected your wishes and aimed for the goal
7: And last year Kaburagi ran with Aoyagi-san and carried the team until the mountains on the third day
8: So I think we need it
9: Our third year Inter High members
Pag 12
1: Definitely need a “first year”!!
3: Even if he knew he was making his own situation worse, he thought about the best shape for the team would be
4: He accepted it, and fought
Pag 13
1: For the fifth place
3: Among the first years, those two are left, I look forward to see what they do!!
That's too much food
4: Danchiku probably understood it, too
That's why he fought with all his strength
6: Now you two have to run with the weight of those expectations on your back!!
7: Fight, against your opponent and against yourself!! Use all your strength
Pag 14
1: And pull to yourself that last jersey!!
2: Straaa-
Pag 15
1: Straight roaaad!!
2: - traight!!
3: …. ngh
Ugh.....
4: Kinaka-kun.....
5: Don't cry, Rokudai!!
Pag 16
1: What are you doing, oi!! I'll leave you behind like this!! I'll tear you off!!
If you give up, then it's lucky for me!!
2: My goal has always been the Inter High jersey!!
To get back at those senpai who made fun of me!!
3: To show it to the Onii-san who taught me how to ride bikes!!
So, for that....
6: So I'm telling you not to cry!!
Pag 17
1: But, Kinaka-kun....
It's that your “Straitgh road”, wasn't fast at all....!!
4: You knee? It's your knee, right?
Since when? Since a while ago?
5: Since when we were at about 800km
Pag 18
1: It's a race, Rokudai
2: You should have told me, teh
I didn't notice, teh!!
3: I'm such an incapable former manager, teh....
4: Since when I lost to you in the first years' race
6: I've been thinking that I would definitely not lose the next time we race
7: Even though the truth is that I don't really care about that anymore
So, once again...
Pag 19
1: It's a race, Rokudai!!
3: Let's do it, Rokudai!!
I can't, teh
4: Race me, pedal!!
I don't want to, teh....
5: Fight me!!
I won't pedal, teh
Pag 20
1: Because, if I fight you now, Kinaka-kun, I'll end up winning, teh
Pag 22
1: With that kindness of yours, support our senpai during the Inter High
#yowamushi pedal#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 749#the tags arent enough for the essay i want and need to write about this chapter#most painful chapter but also one of the best chapter of the whole manga imho#IVE BEEN CRYING SINCE YESTRDAY WTF WATANABE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY BABIES#YOU NEED TO PAY FOR MY THERAPY NOW#kinaka and roku's relationship is probably the most wholesome in the whole manga i love them so much#and this chap HURT SO BAD OH MY GOD#kinakaaaaa you're so strong for this ;A; the way he didnt want to tell roku about his knee bc he knew that roku would break#the way he even tried to provoke him to push him to race!! and he says he didnt want to lose against him again! but!!#He actually doesnt care about that anymore!!! hes just doing this for rokudai!!!#And rokuuuu!!! baby boy ;A; hes the purest boy ever!!! He didnt want to win like this against kinaka he didnt want to leave him behind ;A;#leave me alone im gonna cry forever ;A; (no actually dont leave me alone keep me company in my suffering plz)#page 21 is forever ingraved in my soul#even tho imaizumi told them not to cooperate in the end they did support each other until the last moment ;A;#(on a lighter not im happy that we finally have a reason for the race btwn sugimoto and danchiku - they both knew the team needed a first#year* so only one of them could be on the team)
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Why doesn't Vought want diversity? Wow. These are some real hardballs Maria Menounos. But check your facts. Let's take The Seven, for example. We've got A-Train, he's a black man. We got Black Noir he, uhm, well he doesn't identify with any race, really so, they're covered.
#queen maeve#homelander#the boys#maria menounos#i remember the first time i watched this scene like it was yesterday lol#I've watched it hundreds of times since then and it still gives me the same feelings#for that reason it's one of my favorites and i needed to gif it#wanted to gif the entire thing because i love you can see his face when he realizes maria gave him the perfect set up to out her#but it was too damn long and i wanted to focus more on maeve obviously#the way she changes her expression in a second to get her vought mask on#ugh i could write an entire essay about this scene but i won't#my gifs#maeve
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My rambling is always cut off by the tag limits 😔
#you know what I’m saying it here since the tags cut me off#the pink brand shirt was cute actually#it was the sweatband that made it bad#and the tucking in of the shirt#if that wasn’t included it’s a cute look that I see people wear all the time plz I’m begging#Leo isn’t bad at this he just goes too far 😭#and also#I love how Mikey actually has a similar eye for this as Donnie#their disguise hoodies are even identical#which makes sense as they are the more hands on artistic people in the fam just in different ways#alternatively Donnie GAVE Mikey the hoodie which is just as good if not better#but yeah as i was writing prev post I started thinking about the popular ideas of Leo’s style and such and was like man#people always go one or the other for him#plz he’s not a frat boy he really really isn’t 😭#idk it just kinda bothers me when people wave away the fact that his face man status isn’t just pushed by himself but by others too?#*incoherent muttering*#I could write an essay on this but I feel like that would be too long winded even for me kdkdkd
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i was thinking about besides devo getting a anime the most controversial getter anime they could make is a remake of Armageddon cause despite the fact it could absolutely fix the issues the show has it be one of those things that wouldn’t be necessary and people would be sick of more arma content.
But then I thought about “okay but then they could make Kei actually trans if they had the fucking balls” and I know this would NEVER happen but that would make people seethe more then arms being remade and I found that so funny. (And yes this is very much related to my last post)
#meg text#getter robo#fyi I’m not saying a arma remake needs to happen it definitely doesn’t but this is something that’s crossed my mind#I like how the whole fandom or at least people I talk to agree Kei is trans even if it’s entirely metaphorical#she can’t be trans in universe but certain aspects of her character are LITERALLY trans#go arguably too but it gets a little more murky with him#i actually wanna do a analysis about this but i don’t know how to word it more then my essays about ryoma#also Kei’s gender is that odd thing where it’s not explored enough to make a concrete analysis even if there’s things to pick at#I wish it was more explored but it was the 90s-even if stuff was trying back then-and arma had a lot to juggle#also it could definitely be one of those things where it wasn’t intended but like- people are allowed to still read off of a character lmao#i literally learned that in my writing class the authors intent is valid but so is any interpretation that is against it#tho also saying this makes me kinda glad getter isn’t popular again bc i feel there be discourse over this#not only by bigots but I think some people wouldn’t like this portrayal but like- it’s also not develop enough to be offensive#like it’s weird genki was forced to be a boy but no one really judges Kei for that#and only two people use her original name and one is Saotome who’s a dick to begin with lol
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NO BUT WHEN ITS LIKE Derek screaming at Scott about Allison Argent: “You’re not in love, you’re sixteen, a child” and we learn that Kate Argent seduced (read raped) Derek when he was fifteen, and he most likely blamed himself for his entire life turning and then stating “you’re a child” to Scott, when sixteen year old Jackson’s body rejects the bite and Jackson asks “What does it mean?” And Derek just backs away slowly, thinking of the first person this happened to, Paige, also rejecting the bite, dying in his arms, GOD this man is living out his traumas again and again
#this man is the living personification of ‘I am every age I have ever been’#derek’s family burning and Derek dying by fire in front of his son#trauma circle. trauma conga line circle.#and he’s so angry at Scott for dating an argent. was it because he was scared the secret would be out?#or was he terrified that scott was being used like he was?#when Derek said that Jackson didn’t have a heart. did he look at Jackson and see himself (rich boy arrogant prep jock) did he see Paige?#Derek hale#jackson whittemore#scott mccall#allison argent#Kate argent#anti Kate argent#fuck Kate argent#jackson whittmore is a hale#the last one isn’t relevant but whatever#teen wolf#I could write essays about the projection Derek does on Scott and Jackson
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it’s the way a lot of my ask memes could be done a lot sooner but i keep accidentally starting beyond beef with people who i presume are going to try and grief me,
( aka uncle nina in her angry girl jerseykyle scare-ra )
#nina speaks#this is so unserious but i am oddly passionate abt ravenstan being tall; i could write essays abt my willowy king ( and i did )#WHICH YES HE IS I DONT WANNA HEAR IT lalALAlAlAAA#THE DOCS GIVE HIM A 1.5 INCH BOOST N HE IS SO NICE LIKE THEY MAKE HIM A LIL TALLER THAN CLYDE AND HE /SLOUCHES/ FOR HIM#TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER LIKE DO U KNOW HOW TALL JERSEY WAS BEFORE THE GROWTH SPURT???? HMM?????#IT MIGHT SURPRISE YOU#RS HOWEVER HAS ALWAYS BEEN TALL#LIKE DO U KNOW HOW TALL I WOULD BE AS A TRANSMAN#FIVE ONE#DO U KNOW HOW TALL SHARON AND SHELLEY WERE#LIKE FIVE TWO AND THREE#AND RANDY IS FIVE TEN#BUT BAEVEN IS STILL HALF AN INCH TALLER THAN HIM#GET FUCKED RANCID LIKE NOT ONLY IS /MY/ SON TALLER THAN U HE IS ALSO HOTTER THAN U AND WOULD HAVE BEEN IN BOTH GENDERS#GET STEPPED ON BITCH ITS ALWAYS FLAT FUCK FRIDAY#UNDER RAVENSTANS BLOOD MOON RED DOC MARTENS#( thank u to rs abuelito for being Very Tall )#¡eSCAAALEERAAA!#this rant is sponsored by the post i keep not finishing#abt rs being a casual small town supermodel#at eleven in southpark and bein the talk of the town#no matter how ugly or slouchy and messy he dresses#like will y’all leave my beautiful leggy son alone#like goddamn i know he is actually an angel#and heartstoppingly gobsmackingly Beautiful#BUT HES A PACIFIST HE JUST WANTS SOME DAMN PEACE#LET HIM LIVE HE HAS DIED FOR UR SINS ENOUGH#let my boy be pretty in peace and DAMN QUIET#but no he is tall u have to fight me i am not a pacifist i'll pull hair and he is very humble abt his height UNLIKE JK#jers is so unhumble about being tall he is so annoying about it he will wave things over ur head n go...Oh? Can't Reach? Pity. :)
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not really formulating any thoughts right now but i am thinking about victor frankenstein and his well-adjusted childhood and how the very thing that led to his downfall was that he got excited about a book, an idea, and his father dismissed his interest so quickly and so casually that victor kept on that path, rebelling against his dad's dismissal of him, and if not for that, who knows if victor even would have went on to create the creature.
#frankenstein#bluebird.txt#[slaps my copy of frankenstein] THIS BAD BOY CAN FIT EVERYTHING IN IT!!!!#something that's always fascinated me especially this year due to personal stuff has been#just how squishy and moldable children are#they're little sponges#just. life. you can grow up ANY kind of way and you will absorb it all#the smallest or biggest thing#it can be one single event or it can be a continuous recurring thing but you WILL have some kind of issues#even victor says it- if his father had just taken a moment longer to explain to him about agrippa's natural philosophy#rather than simply say 'it is sad trash'#what would have happened?#is that not part of the tragedy? the ways we dismiss each other the way one thing you may think so inconsequential#changes the course of a life#and you can't change it and it would happen always bc how could anyone possibly know how important it could end up being?#maybe i should read some child psychology stuff and then write an essay...#if there's anything my writing class taught me is that i am actually a good writer when i HAVE THE TIME AND LOVE TO POUR INTO IT#narrows eyes at the fuckass 45 minute standardized test essays
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(Alright, going to stop procrastinating and finally make this post.) After playing through the new trilogy in French to see what was different, here are some things about the French localisation of Spirit of Justice I thought you should know:
First of all, I usually like the French and English versions of the games equally. This marks the first time I've actually enjoyed the French version... more than the English one?? Especially Turnabout Revolution? Don't get me wrong, I already loved it in English, but I think the next time I replay it I'll actively choose French. Idk man it just hits different when a bunch of French people are talking about revolution and overthrowing the tyrannical regime etc
Oh yes, speaking of which, yes, the "Japanifornia" parts of the game take place in Paris, France, as usual. No, I have no idea how Kurain village can be next to the mountains and also the sea while also being in the vicinity of Paris. I also don't know why the entire population of a small country in the Himalayas are fluent in French and use it on a daily basis. But seriously, the main characters mention SO OFTEN that they're French and from France, like, all the fricking time. Remember the incredibly Japanese rakugo case? Imagine that taking place in France.
The Khura'inese pun names are hysterical in French. An example that English speakers can get too: the first culprit's name in French is Sterh'uey Tu'heiven. I'm not making this up. That's his name.
RAYFA'S FRENCH VOICE ACTUALLY SOUNDS LIKE A TEENAGER INSTEAD OF A 30 YEAR OLD, THANK THE HOLY MOTHER
Unfortunately the Holy Mother giveth, but she also taketh away, and they gave Nahyuta a crunchy old man voice that doesn't suit his ethereal appearance at all...
Athena has now added German and Italian to her random English and Spanish phrases from the prev game. I mean... it made sense before, since she was meant to have lived in the USA in this version, but now I guess she just does it for fun? Who knows
French Roger Retinz uses €50 notes (euros) to fan himself instead of dollar bills
Inga's full name is "Inga Karkhuul Kel Nomh Bowkhou Tro'lon Pohm'peu Eh'Duhr Apronh Ons'ai Khura'in III" ("quel nom beaucoup trop long, pompeux et dur à prononcer")
Nahyuta's nickname in French is just "Yuta"
Ema and Apollo now use informal pronouns for each other, so do Ema and Trucy now, Maya starts using informal pronouns for Apollo from almost the first moment she meets him (though he uses formal pronouns for her lmao), and yes Dhurke and Apollo use informal pronouns with each other the whole time, even when things are awkward at the start. Rayfa and her mother always use formal pronouns for each other, which is a little depressing.
AS FOR NAHYUTA AND APOLLO... HOHOHO. Obviously they're both using "vous" (formal) in court, but in the scene afterwards Apollo switches to "tu" (informal) when he asks Nahyuta if he remembers him. Later in Turnabout Revolution, Apollo has gone back to vous but he's at least saying "Nahyuta" rather than "Prosecutor Sahdmadhi" or whatever (I think that happened in the English version too). Then during the final trial, after that one insanely angsty scene, Apollo starts using tu again and even (internally) uses the nickname Yuta once! Nahyuta eventually starts referring to him as Apollo and starts using tu after finally openly acknowledging Apollo as his family aaauuuuuugh ;o;
(Listen Apollo usually always tries to be formal and professional in court so this is a big deal!!! It's a big deal to me at least!!!!!!!!!)
In the English version there were a few times our good ol' American Apollo had a sort of "haha I'm just a foreigner I don't know anything here" vibe which... no you're not lol. The French version didn't have that (or at least toned it down a lot) and made him feel less like a tourist and more like an immigrant returning to his old home country with complex feelings, which he is. It makes it more personal that he's the one to bring about the revolution imo -- he's not some random foreigner swooping in to save the day, this is his home and his family, he belongs here. (As an immigrant myself I find aspects of him relatable and will defend his Khura'inese backstory to the death DON'T TEST ME)
The "what's crack-a-lackin' homie" line in all its glory:
#WESH GROS. BIEN OU BIEN. i freaking love this guy#anyway uh sorry for going off on tangents in the middle of this one#(as if i didn't also do that in all the other posts...)#ace attorney#aa6 spoilers#spirit of justice#random stuff#i almost cried when nahyuta switched to tu#okay yeah there's still some parts that were better in english but overall french wins this round#i'm serious about apollo's backstory btw. it's very dear to me#i could write an essay about how it recontextualises his personality and reactions in the 4th and 5th games#and makes a lot of stuff about him make even more sense and even makes some old parts feel like foreshadowing#'oh he's unrelatable and different now--' skill issue.#my boy is perfect and i love him in ALL THREE games
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okay actually looked at the lover boy wip intro again and this has me crazy because the grief in this was meant to all be about bobby but "remember that his favourite fruit was peaches and try not to cry over it" got me because felix's favourite fruit being peaches is like. a recent but definitive part of his character. and i can't remember if i just used peaches as a placeholder for bobby's favourite fruit (he does not give peach to me) and if i first wrote this before or after i decided peaches were felix's BUT now i'm like. what if this passage is him grieving bobby but it spirals around his grief for his relationship with felix??? find a lover the way you found felix and don't lose him this time but also find a lover because you're trying to find a connection as deep as the one you had with your best friend even though you know it can never be replicated. you can never find a lover that will love you like bobby (platonic, to be clear) loved you. find a lover in the fact you are alive even though it makes you nauseous because it just reminds you that your best friend isn't. how do you grieve someone who's still alive whilst simultaneously grieve someone who isnt? trying to grieve two people in two different ways and you feel guilty at the way they blend and blur because it feels like you lose your separate grips on both of them and you don't feel like you have space in you to accommodate all this ache. and like what if i edited all this to make that parallel more clear?? that his primary grief is bobby because he's the one who's dead but he's also grieving felix and probably doesn't even realise it?? and then the two become blurred?? and if he realised this he would actually feel fucking awful about it and like a bad friend?? haha just kidding unless??
#especially the fact that a component of his “find a lover to try and mask the grief” is trying to find a lover in the literal sense.#its near 1am you guys are getting the i dont know if this is coherent infodumping#i wrote an essay in the tags but its gone and i have no idea if tumblr ate it or i somehow put it on a different post but im like oh okay#guess i will just save that analysis for the writing update!!#my lover boy writing updates are gonna be so obnoxious btw theyre gonna be essays theyre gonna be me putting the degree to use#now i can say i actually have one#i wrote a DISSERATION on the exact type of fiction that lover boy is.......#anyway it was about queerness and loss and what loss means thematically in queer narratives#so that whilst the loss of bobby is absolutely monumentally bigger than losing felix as a partner#it is actually not a surprise if beau somewhat blurs his grief for the two#that being said whilst i dont believe in ranking different types of love/relationships#i love the idea of platonic lover and this platonic connection being just as if not more powerful than the romantic one#could essay about that but tumblr might eat it! so!
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electric touch by taylor swift and fall out boy is the most babe and asher song ever like it’s giving both of them being nervous as hell for their first date because they had both been hurt so many times by past love experiences/attempts but they both felt so drawn to each other they NEEDED this to work out but were so terrified but so excited at the same time
#i have a lot of feelings#i could write an entire essay about this#also it’s both of their favorite artists in one song like cmon#redacted asmr#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted asher#redacted headcanons#asher talbot#redacted babe#fall out boy#taylor swift
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To maybe add onto this post a little bit because I feel like this is something a lot of people who aren't really deeply informed on mental health and/or trauma might not know.
There is four different survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. The first two are obviously well known but the other two aren't, however especially fawn is dangerous if it goes unrecognized.
I see people write fics in which Ellie goes from fight or flight straight into fawn and it is portrayed as good and healing, meanwhile she is just stuck in a different trauma response. It's just as unhelpful and just as harmful.
The fawn response is focused around appeasing people and keeping everyone else happy because your brain and body tell you that this is how you keep yourself safe. You disregard your emotions, feelings, boundaries, needs, everything in order to make the people around you like you, especially the one you register as a threat. For example, if you are stuck in survival mode and you get into a small, not dangerous fight with someone, your brain will see this as an immediate threat to your safety and slip into the fawning (in this case). You will ignore your own stance on the topic and take the blame for the fight/the problem, you will appease them and give up your position and take on theirs to make them happy and calm again. People very often apologize for things that are not their fault because it is safer to be blamed in a way you can control (and makes the other person less actively aggressive) rather than be stuck in a fight you have zero control over.
We do actually see Ellie fawning in episode nine, she is not only incredibly dissociated but the way she talks is timid and soft, she also apologizes for not being present when Joel points it out (kudos to him for saying "no it's okay" instead of playing into it). If you do not know what to look for, that moment might not mean anything, but it's a textbook fawn response.
Why am I telling you all this? Because writing Ellie as becoming incredibly obedient and "calmer" in how she responds to rules and expectations is a) not true to who she is as a character and b) actively exacerbates her fawn response and reinforces the beliefs and core assumptions of her CPTSD. Fawning means the people around you do not see your trauma anymore/it stops inconveniencing them, so on the outside they think it's great! Look, they're no longer being aggressive or irritable, this must mean they're getting better, right? But then you look at the person and they're terrified to death of upsetting someone and disregard their needs to make everyone else happy and that is the opposite of getting better.
So please, if you write about Ellie recovering from what she has been through keep in mind that there is more than one way to react to trauma and responses that look fine on the outside are usually *not* fine on the inside. Don't just push her from one survival mode into another one because it's more convenient for you, actually put in the work and make her process it, see where she actually ends up once can break out of it.
#alex yells at the void#the last of us#tlou#ellie williams#idk i've been thinking about that scene in episode 9 a lot lately#partly cause i am writing her fawn response into my fic(s)#so this is just. a post on one tiny aspect of ptsd because i felt like writing it lol#but if someone is interested in hearing about other stuff i pretty much have personal experiences with almost all of it#my cptsd is a sledgehammer in my brain#i could write a whole ass essay about how to handle her fedra trauma alone cause boy have i seen some dangerous takes on that
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Zipping my mouth before I spam the feed with essay after essay.
#i could analyze this boy for years#yall should see my other account theres a billion essays that no one will ever see#whenever i get stressed I write another one about him
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