#I could try to sew two different ones together but then comes in the adhd executive dysfunction and it will never happen

[neurantics-theythem]

They need to make a sleep number version of bedsheets for autistic couples who have vastly different texture preferences from each other

[hollow-dweller]

20 Questions (for fanfic writers)

tagged by @abcd-em, thank you beloved <3

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

26!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

134,413

3. what fandoms do you write for?

mostly spidey and pilgrimage, but i dabble in other fandoms--mostly voltron, which i had thought i had escaped the sucking quicksand of but alas seems not to be the case

4. top five fics by kudos?

all the wonders i have seen (i will see a second time)

leave the rest to the gods

Unconscionable

when darkness comes upon you

sew your fortunes on a string

5. do you respond to comments?

i try to! transparently, i sometimes get overwhelmed and while i love receiving comments and re-read every single one a million times, i do sometimes have a hard time actually responding. i cherish every single one but also my brain was cursed by the gods.

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably my pilgrimage fic, everything's growing in our garden. it's very rare that i write for vibes but phoebe bridgers' Punisher had me in a chokehold and that is definitely reflected in that fic, short as it is. it's my most "closure denied" ending, that i've posted anyway, and i think that ups the angst factor.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

pilgrimage fandom gets the top spot here too, with love sent to me. it's probably the most straightforward romance/get-together fic i've written, and AU to boot, which are both anomalies for me. but i have a great deal of affection for that fic, and i love the tenderness of it.

8. do you get hate on fics?

the closest i get in spidey is generally people being demanding about updates, which i usually just delete. there is one particular troll in pilgrimage who crops up every once in awhile to leave "hate" comments on various peoples' fics, and i've been hit with that a couple times, but that's just a pathetic person wanting attention so it doesn't really count.

other than that, i really have the best commentariat anyone could ask for.

9. do you write smut?

yes! i firmly believe erotica is an important tool for examining characters and their relationships

10. craziest crossover:

i don't write crossovers exactly, so i'll cop out and point to the spidey/twilight fusion au since it is crossover-adjacent

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge! and hopefully i never will

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

again not to my knowledge! there are few things i would find more flattering

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

alas, no. i love the prospect of it, and have gotten to the outlining/ideating stage with a few people in the past, but again i'll be fully transparent in that i'm not the most reliable person to attempt that kind of project with. maybe someday, and i'm definitely open to it!

but also: it's me, hi! i'm the problem, it's me.

14. all time favorite ship?

i'm a libra with adhd, asking me to choose a favourite is a hate crime.

from the lens of fannish engagement or creation, which to me is different but not unrelated to loving/shipping a couple as it is represented/written in the text, it's probably any combination of Ned/MJ/Peter, either platonic or romantic. i love an OT3, i love frenship, i LOVE where NWH left us and the possibilities we can explore with their relationships to one another.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

if i truly doubt a wip will get finished, i don't post it. everything i've posted is something i fully intend to finish, i just can never say when that might happen. i can't predict the future obviously, so maybe that'll change, but i re-read my posted works relatively frequently and have a genuine desire to see them all complete at some point. even the ones that i reread and can see how my writing has since improved, or think i could have executed better, i still have love for and interest in. if i didn't, i'd delete.

16 & 17. what are your writing strengths and weaknesses?

combining these two because my writing strength is a reflection of my writing weakness: i'm very good at elaborating on ideas, not so much on coming up with them whole cloth. what i mean by that is i'm most comfortable, as a writer, coming up with creative and even novel divergences from canon, and making the corresponding changes in characters and plot that would result from those divergences. i'm good at the "what if" of fic.

the converse is that i'm not great at speculation, of figuring out "what happens next". so much of my post-NWH stuff, for example, is about exploring potential emotional and relationship-based realities, but doesn't have "plot" in the sense of being developments of the story of Peter Parker as i imagine it might happen in the MCU. even fics like we said our dreams will carry us, which i bill as a kind of post-beyond the spiderverse speculation fic, doesn't actually deal with the nitty-gritty of what i think might happen in the next movie. how things actually happen in this imagined version of beyond the spiderverse is secondary to the emotional fallout of those events, and that's what i'm writing about.

both these flow from my primary analytical strength/weakness: i am great at interpretive analysis, and fucking terrible at predictive analysis.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

it is. incredibly difficult to get right. i studied languages and translation in university, and i still hesitate to write dialogue in other languages into my fics. it's not just a matter of getting the language itself right. that in and of itself is difficult, but anecdotally speaking i find that most native speakers of a language who read fic are incredibly kind and polite when making corrections to the language.

what takes me out of a fic is the manner in which other languages are integrated, and how very poorly that is usually done. "oh sorry it's hard to switch back" has become a meme, but a lot of the use of languages other than English, when written by non-native speakers of the languages in question, read as just that clunky and incredibly disconnected from how polyglots actually speak and switch between languages.

having said all that, language is an INCREDIBLY important part of culture, which makes it an equally important part of the characters who speak--or whose families speak--other languages. as someone in spider-man fandom, Miles' Puerto Rican heritage and both his and Rio's relationships to that heritage and the spanish language are important elements of his character. when i write Miles, and especially Miles & Rio, it's important to me that that is incorporated. like anything, it takes research, and thoughtfulness, and humility--try your best, and be ready to be corrected if you get it wrong.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

harry potter (derogatory), back when i was a wee skelly

20. favorite fic you've written?

i once again point to the libra with adhd of it all, and then direct you to my favourites series on ao3

Tagging: @weezly14 @mysterycyclone @saltwaterpanda @gooddaygalaxy @ambivalentcats @shrinkthisviolet @anarchyduck and anyone else who wants to!

[tranzfalgar]

okay it’s time for some stardew valley headcanons for the bachelor/ette(s) so let’s GOOOO

Alex:

- he always awakes before his grandparents, and on warmer days he’ll go down to the beach to watch the sunrise.

- friends with elliot! the two of them sit on the side of the dock sometimes and just chat about life.

- knows how to make cookies, as evelyn taught him when he was a bit younger

- wary of the saloon, as he doesn’t really like the smell of alcohol and only goes into it if he’s forced to!

- if you marry him, he can and will pick you up randomly to surprise you while you’re working!

- if married, he will “bench press” your kids once they become toddlers, and it always makes them giggle

- hates the winter and gets cold really easily. on the first day of fall he’s already bundled up wanting it to be summer again.

Elliot:

- willy is like a father to him. the two of them sit on the docks and watch the fish swim by together

- sometimes he’ll braid his hair, and leah will bring flowers from the forest and weave them into his hair.

- has a rlly pretty singing voice, and likes to record piano covers in his spare time

- if you marry him and the two of u have kids, he’ll always braid their hair in the morning and tuck flowers behind their ears.

- he brings home fresh fish he caught and makes himself dinner every night. that’s why he’s an excellent cook.

- has actually caught a legendary fish before!

- his eyes change color, they can go from blue to green to brown in the same day. people call them the “prismatic shard of eyes”

Harvey:

- he’s so clumsy that sometimes he’ll even trip over air. due to this, he has little bruises all over his knees and elbows.

- his favorite animals are birds. sometimes he’ll go outside and just give them some bird seed. he loves watching them fly around.

- not only is he fascinated with planes, but he’s also fascinated with the weather. as a kid he used to watch the weather channel, and he dreamed of becoming a weatherman.

- when he needs to focus really hard, he’ll pull his hair back with a headband

- him and his mother were and still are very close, and he writes letters to her at least once a week

- he cannot cook to save his life, but he’s an incredible baker! will make you little treats if you’re friends or married

- he always wears a wristwatch, but the time is always 6 minutes behind. he likes it because it has a plane engraved into the side against his wrist.

Sam:

- he had adhd, and his stims include flapping his hands, tapping his foot and strumming his guitar

- he has a beautiful singing voice, think like wilbur soot but a bit more high pitched?

- the reason he likes cactus fruit so much is because he just plants them and lets them grow. he loves succulents because they don’t give him an allergic reaction!

- cannot play video games for shit. sebastian and abigail have banned him from multi-player games because he just sucks so bad.

- love language is acts of service, simply because he likes singing for people he cares about and doing little things for them!

- if you marry him, he will bring his guitar into the coop and/or barn and sing to the animals. they have learned to run over a greet him, since they love his singing.

- his hair is actually curly, but you’re unable to tell due to how much he gels and straightens his hair.

- has mastered the art of the puppy dog eyes

Sebastian:

- loves the hell out of halloween, but is scared of literally everything. he nearly cried watching a horror movie with sam and abigail.

- really good with a slingshot! so if he were to go into the mines, he would wreck some monsters shit with his slingshot skills

- he had glow in the dark stars on his ceiling, but removed them. he used to love the stars and space, but came to resent them because it was his sisters thing.

- he like…irl blushes. like an anime character. when he’s embarrassed, upset, flustered, his face will go all pink. everyone picks on him for it.

- has/had a crush on most of the towns singles. he is a bisexual disaster and secretly a romantic so….take from that what you will.

- a natural born ginger, but dyes his hair. he also has freckles on his nose! and he has an eyebrow slit because of a scar!!

- for some stupid reason, he takes really good care of his hands? like he always makes sure they don’t get calloused, and his nails are always painted black, despite using his hands all the time for work.

Shane:

- he cannot cook. he burned pasta noodles because he didn’t know you had to put water in the pan.

- he still has a chicken plushie from when he was a baby, and it still sits on his bed. and if he cuddles with it at night? no one needs to know.

- has a huge birthmark on his side shaped like a heart

- really good at mixology, so i think that when joja gets shut down, shane works at the saloon and makes the drinks while gus cooks. he adds a whole new section on the menu!

- friends with sebastian. they paint each other’s nails from time to time, or sit in the rain together and just talk.

- kinda strong as hell? he lifts boxes in joja for work, as well as carrying around jas, so i’m assuming he could just….pick the farmer and his friends up?

- he has the most contagious laugh, it used to be a rare sound, but now that it’s a pretty common occurrence, shane makes people laugh all the time with his own laugh.

Abigail:

- buff. she is buff as hell. her and alex work out together sometimes, since she expressed a desire for adventure. she has picked up sam and sebastian with no warning and thrown them into the ocean

- can talk to animals due to her being the daughter of the wizard! so sometimes she’ll go to marnies farm and just chat with the cows or something

- if she sees a tree, she WILL climb it. she loves it so much, it’s just so adrenaline inducing for her.

- her and sebastian tried to go into the mines before but sam stopped them because it wouldn’t have been very safe. they were all 14.

- trying to learn to play the ukulele with a little help from sam. it’s frustrating, but she really likes the sound of it, and she’s determined as hell.

- absolutely cracked at any and all video games he plays. mario kart? she will kick your ass. animal crossing? her island has 5 stars. pokémon? she always wins. you can’t stop her, she’s too powerful.

- she has glasses, but prefers contacts, since glasses would get in the way of her adventuring.

Emily:

- not only can she sew, but she also makes her own soaps and candles! any form of creation she adores.

- loves flowers, and has a lot of little potted ones in her room. she raises them, gives them little names and personalities, and then brings them to sandy and tells her all about each flower

- she can roller skate, and it’s her preferred method of transportation. she can do a bunch of fun tricks as well!

- has an eyebrow slit

- making cute little baskets of homemade gifts is her favorite thing to do for her friends. sometimes she’ll just leave them on their doorsteps for no reason other than she wants to!

- can SPRINT in heels. like even 6 inch heels she can just RUN and it scares everyone who sees it.

- she loves the sounds of birds chirping in the morning, and she’s able to identify the name of the bird by its chirping and calls

Haley:

- is able to perfectly crack and drink from coconuts. that’s why she loves them so much.

- has the worst sense of direction. she’s lucky she lives in a small town, or she’d get lost all the time

- the spring is her favorite time of year, simply because she loves to capture life coming back in those spring months. baby animals, blooming flowers, her friends on the beach or just chilling in the sun, all of it

- her most prized possession is the very first picture her and emily took as kids on their parents polaroid. it’s taped to her mirror

- has a little beauty mark under her lip, but it normally isn’t visible due to being covered with makeup!

- she’s able to do her own nails! this is because she is ambidextrous, yet she doesn’t know, because it’s never been brought up

- she fucking LOVES learning about and identifying plants, trees and flowers. she knows so many it’s crazy. she has a great memory.

Leah:

- resident true crime enthusiast and ghost hunter. she drags elliot with her around town to go hunting for ghosts. they also watch documentaries together!

- has a bunch of little scars on her hands from her artwork

- to get inspiration for works, she’ll go on walks at different times of the day, different seasons, different routes, and she’ll turn each walk into a work of art. depending on all the environment and those who she runs into, each piece is vastly different.

- animals love her, and will sometimes just follow her around for no reason. she doesn’t mind at all, she kinda loves it.

- friends with emily. they are currently teaching each other their own forms of art, since they love learning from each other!

- really good at dancing, she’ll dance while she’s working on projects and she’ll hum a song to herself

- her favorite statue was created after she went on a walk, ran into abigail, and the two of them went swimming in the ocean and stayed there as the sun set and the stars came out. she has a little crush on abigail.

Maru:

- her hair is ALWAYS tied up, it’s impossible for her to work if her hair is in her eyes

- when she was a kid she wanted to be an astronaut, because she loves the stars, but she found she prefers the science and math behind it all

- she pierced her own ears, she has little star earrings!

- watches cartoons and geeks out about them with penny when they meet up in town!

- for some odd reason, she is terrified of butterflies. no one who knows her, or even maru herself have ANY idea why, but she will run away if she sees one.

- her favorite memory was the one night her and sebastian stayed up really late as kids and snuck outside to look at the stars (back when sebastian still loved them) and they ended up seeing a meteor shower

- she presses flowers as a hobby, and just keeps them in a little notebook alongside her ideas for projects and gadgets.

Penny:

- while she’s cleaning her and pam’s home, she finds herself singing to herself. she has yet to be caught by anyone

- each day, her hair is done ever-so-slightly different. each morning, she likes to change it up, and sometimes jas or vincent will give her something to put in her hair

- also interested in ghosts, will occasionally join elliot and leah on their adventures

- she is naturally really warm, so she doesn’t have to bundle up as much during the winter. the kids cling to her because she’s like a human space heater

- has a bit of a geeky side, and she loves to watch cartoons a lot. when she can find the time, she always watches them. they being her lots of comfort.

- has a small scar on her side from when she tripped over as a child onto something sharp. she likes it because with two freckles, it makes a little smiley face

- loves the water and the feeling of sea wind in her hair. she secretly wants to learn to drive a boat, so she can feel that wind in her hair whenever she wants.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

RE8 Ladies + S/o with chronic pain HCs

Type/cause of chronic pain is kept ambiguous, but some of the hcs might seem geared towards migraines, since that's the main thing that I personally struggle with (and these are very definitely comfort hcs). Features Alcina, Bela, Cassandra, Daniela, Donna, Mother Miranda, and as a 'lil bonus Ava. Not particularly long, but the combined length of every character is enough to be put under a read-more (About 2,500 words in total).

Alcina:

It’s difficult for her to know that you are suffering, but be unable to deal directly with the source of the problem. Chasing off unwanted nuisances or hunting down threats to the castle was one thing, trying to solve complicated medical issues was another thing entirely. If only she could tear your condition asunder without tearing you asunder.

That being said, she’ll still support you endlessly, however she can. It doesn’t matter how expensive or hard-to-access possible treatments are. If there’s something you haven’t tried, and are interested in trying, she’ll find a way for you to get it.

The biggest, and arguably most helpful, thing that she does is set up a space for you within her office. She spends quite a lot of time there for her family’s business, but doesn’t want to leave you alone on bad days. So this was her idea of a nice compromise.

There’s a very comfortable sofa that folds out, a cabinet filled with the softest blankets, and several pillows of a few different sizes. Servants are instructed not to interrupt Alcina’s work without good reason, but she has a couple who ensure your snack cabinet is always well stocked.

If there are certain environmental factors to your condition, such as sensitivity to light and sound, she does her best to reduce their effects. Lights remain dimmed (or she’ll rely on candlelight), her music will be kept quiet enough to be soothing, and she’ll refrain from taking any calls while you are with her.

Bela:

To think that Daniela once tried to claim that Bela would “never need to know any of that (medical) stuff”! Sure, there haven’t been many people who have needed (and received) treatment from her, but that didn’t mean the skill was useless. Admittedly, she doesn’t know enough to replace one of your doctors, or try to create her own version of a cure, though no one really expected that much from her.

Still, she knows enough to help soothe your pain. Obviously there are different techniques for different kinds of pain, and she does research before trying anything specific. Bela’s also aware that you’ve been dealing with this for far longer than she has, meaning that you probably wouldn’t be pleased if she came in, acted like an expert, or assumed that you hadn’t really thought about the most popular remedies. So she’s tactful with how she approaches things, always checking if you’re familiar with a subject before she tries to explain anything.

Bela ends up surprising you with a lesser-known skill of hers: Massage. Studying anatomy has given her a decent idea of the body’s more sensitive spots, and the rest she’s figured out through her own, ahem, experiences. Regardless of where you’re in pain, your girlfriend can help reduce your suffering. Okay, well, if your pain is more internal than external, it’s a bit harder for her, but she can still help you relax.

One of her favorite things to do after giving you a massage is to just pull you in close for some cuddling. Preferably you’ll be in her lap, with her arms around your waist, her chin tucked on top of your shoulder. Then she’ll do her best to whisper you praises, reminding you how strong you are, and that she’s incredibly proud of you.

Cassandra:

She’s, uh, not great at this. At least not at first. Maybe she’ll never be more than good at it, though. But she’s definitely trying! And learning! By Jove, that’s something, right?

First things first, she’s always ready to try to distract you, primarily through kisses and gentle touches. Fingers softly trailing over your skin, lips tickling your neck, featherlight in all the right places… It’s not inherently sexual (though it can quickly go that route if you ask), just intimate. It’s harder for your brain to process pain when you’re also processing pleasure, so there is some science behind Cassandra’s methods, even if she herself isn’t entirely aware of that.

While she’s not great with words, there are certain things that she manages to articulate well enough. For one, she makes sure you know that you aren’t a burden. Taking care of you- no, helping you take care of yourself- is a labor of love, if a labor at all. More than that, she knows full well that you probably don’t like feeling pitied, or coddled. That, over time, being sick ends up being beyond frustrating. She never wants you to feel like your condition defines you, or like it puts any strain on your relationship.

That said, she’ll avoid telling her family any specifics unless you do first, and ensures that the staff know how to accommodate you (without telling them why, because it’s none of their fucking business, and she’s their boss, and for fuck’s sake it’s their job to do what she tells them. Maybe she gets a lil bit overzealous with it). At no point will she ever complain about helping you, or otherwise indicate that your needs are “troublesome”.

At the end of the day, the best comfort she brings you is her presence, simply being near you, endlessly loyal, tireless in her affections. Especially considering she gets clingier the worse your symptoms get.

Daniela:

Hope you enjoy cuddling. Seriously. There’s nothing Daniela loves more than curling up with you, and that goes double for bad pain days. Some adjustments will be made position-wise if you need, but she’ll still hold you as close as possible, for as long as you need. Although she might eventually fall asleep (because damn are you comfy), she’ll play with your hair or run her fingers along your scalp until she eventually dozes off.

If you want a little more from her than light snoring, or if she feels like going above and beyond, or honestly just if she’s thinking about how much she loves you (so all the effing time), she’ll do something she’s always loved in movies/books: Reading to you! She’ll pick special books that neither of you have read before, so you can experience them together on your sick(er) days. Which does, of course, mean that it might take months to finish even a single one. Surprisingly, Daniela won’t even briefly consider reading any without you. Even if the plot is really good.

But, uh, if you wanted her to read to you on a day where you aren’t bedridden? Hell yes, my friend, she’s absolutely down for that!

On days where she’s too busy to spend hours upon hours in bed with you, or days where her ADHD is just particularly bad, she tries her best to leave you with a “substitute”. AKA a massive fucking teddy bear, in a reddish brown color, with a green bowtie. Custom ordered (The Duke did not dare tease her for it). There’s a heart stitched onto the stuffed animal’s chest, which features your first initial alongside a D for Daniela.

Additionally, she has a blanket she only brings out for you, which she periodically sprays with her favorite perfume. That way you can hold it close when she’s not around, as if you were cuddling her. For her sake, though, don’t hold the teddy bear or blanket too tightly when she is around. Homegirl here will get jealous of inanimate objects, even ones that she gave you.

Donna:

“I think I have a tea for this…” Damn right she has a tea for this. Donna has a massive garden, with dozens if not hundreds of different plants, including a variety of herbs/spices. At least one of them has to be a little helpful for you. Whether it relieves pain, helps you nap off some of your misery, or just distracts you by tasting bloody-well delicious! Besides, few things make you feel quite as loved as holding a cup of freshly brewed tea in your hands, knowing your lover made it just for you. Like a hug in a mug, it is!

Similarly to Alcina, Donna will also try to create a comfortable space for you, but isn’t likely to put it downstairs with her workshop. Instead she’ll let you take over one of the larger guest rooms, customizing it to suit your specific needs. There will be some easy to care for plants for decoration (ones that won’t mind potentially missing out on natural sunlight), a couple relaxing paintings, and a shelf near the bed with things to help you pass the time, mainly books.

Furthermore, she’ll do her best to keep you company as often as possible. She’s naturally a fairly quiet person, so you won’t have to worry about sound if that’s something you’re sensitive to. While she prefers using a sewing machine, she’ll do things by hand while you’re in pain, just to reduce the chances of you getting irritated by the sound.

Speaking of potentially irritating sounds… by god can Angie be difficult to be around when you’re ill. Thankfully, Donna is perfectly understanding of this, and, as the only person Angie ever listens to, makes sure to give the doll a stern talking to about your health. To your immense surprise, it actually works. You’re not exactly sure what was said, but Angie certainly becomes a lot more compensating afterwards. She’ll keep her antics to herself, and usually even on another side of the house from where you rest, but only for as long as you’re tucked away in your room. As soon as you set foot outside, her restraints are metaphorically removed. All hell breaks loose (as is her universe-given right as the physical embodiment of both Chaos and Entropy).

Mother Miranda:

If the two of you weren’t lovers, there’s a decent chance you would completely misinterpret her actions. She might come off as irritated, like she has bigger concerns than your health, you fragile little human. After all, she is a goddess (well, practically). But the truth is that she’s aching inside every time you have a bad pain day, knowing that (for once) she cannot cure your ailment. Maybe if she had infinite subjects with the same condition as you…

But, at the end of the day, that’s the problem. There’s only one of you. One of her beloved, her little human darling, so dangerously fragile in comparison to the scale she works on. Even with all the time in the world, which she most certainly has, she cannot cure you without taking incredible risks. With your life at stake… It is a gamble she refuses to take. You are hers, and while she hates to see you suffer, the truth is that she’ll always be selfish enough to let you endure on your own.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t help, though, just that she doesn't do a full-out experiment on you. Instead, she keeps notes. She’ll track your activities, bedtimes/when you get up, dietary habits, when you have pain, what you do to treat said pain, how effective the treatments are, etc, etc. All of this can be very useful in establishing patterns (a skill she’s gotten very good at, in her many decades of being a scientist), which can in turn lead to less pain days.

(For example, many people with migraines find that certain foods seem to trigger a migraine, or at least increase the chances of getting one. Though admittedly they don’t always end up cutting the food out of their diet. I mean, come on, you want me to give up chocolate? You want me to drink normal milk, like an adult? Kidding, kidding, I don’t have any food triggers. Nor do I particularly enjoy chocolate milk, nor do I dislike it.)

Moving on! While her work seemingly takes precedence over your condition, Miranda is not heartless, and she does do some things to lend you more direct comfort. Specifically, she tries to work in the same room as you when she can, normally while making electronic copies of physical documents, or while looking over the details of a finished experiment. She’s not always one for cuddling, so she won’t often get in bed with you during the daytime. But at night? Yes, fine, she will wrap her arms around you, maybe one of her wings too if you like how soft they are.

Just don’t think that she secretly loves every second. It’s not like she’ll spend half an hour whispering about how sweet and adorable you are as soon as you fall asleep, or anything like that. It’s twenty minutes at the most.

Bonus!Avaskian Caldwell:

“Oh, fuckin’ mood!” Followed by a solid thirty seconds of pure regret. Seriously, though, Ava has spent xer entire life (starting at age 10) dealing with chronic migraines. For a while xe also dealt with POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), which meant lots of chest pain, but that (thankfully) faded as xe grew into an adult, as is fairly common with the condition. If anyone in Castle Dimitrescu understands unrelenting, unexplainable pain, it’s xer.

That being said… Ava never really managed xer chronic pain, at least not when xe was at xer worst. Xe had to drop out of school because of it. Hell, xe didn’t have a “real” job until xe was almost 23! Didn’t have a chance until things just calmed down for xer. So xe gets anxious whenever you talk about your health, worried that things are (or will at some point be) as bad for you as they were for xer. Other than that, though, you might initially think that xe doesn’t care, or didn’t understand the conversation.

Truth is, xe knows how absolutely fucking ANNOYING it can be to have to explain your health to every new person you meet (like the dozen different doctors you’ve met over the years, possibly every nurse who takes your pulse and thinks it’s a little bit high). So xe did a shit ton of research on your condition, in order to reduce how much you need to explain. Sure, xe will still have questions, and there are always aspects that only you can tell xer, but it’s a nice gesture.

As for helping you destress, xe’s pretty much a mix of Bela and Miranda. You’ll get plenty of massages (because Ava has learned from personal experience what sort of touches help with which sorts of pain), but also some scientific insight on any noticeable patterns. Lots of holding you close and telling you that you’re the coolest person in the world, and that Ava feels beyond lucky to have you.

[serene-victory-77]

Autistic Kaz Thoughts

TL;DR at the end because this is really long again

So, obviously Kaz is neurodivergent, that comes from the affects of his trauma, but it seems myself and many others have sen a strong basis for Autistic Kaz specifically, and I thought I’d like to explore that.

Some other people have talked about this but I wanted to put in my two cents

Disclaimer: A LOT of things about Kaz’s behavior line up with the effects of his trauma. My response to that is that Kaz can be autistic and traumatized at the same time. Things That Make Sense In Canon (It’s Basically Everything):

Hyperfixation:

- Magic tricks (sitting in front of a mirror for hours practicing and trying to figure them out)

- Staying awake for hours wondering how things work

- He hyperfixates on every single job to hell and back, and he enjoys figuring out every angle

Special Interests:

- Goes hand in hand with above, but magic tricks and sleight of hand are definitely his special interests

- Lock picking might also count, and card games? He seems to like all of it. Robbing...?

- Being a criminal is Kaz’s special interest. Sounds ridiculous but think about it. It helps that it keeps him alive, but he does actively enjoy it

Sensory Issues:

- A lot of this is related to his trauma but again, he can be both autistic and traumatized *shrug*

- Regardless of the Reaper’s Barge, touch aversion could be another trait. Having gloves and clothing that covers can be a good buffer from sensations he dislikes.

- He dislikes crowds/crowded because of the higher probability of touch/the Reaper’s Barge, but you can also tie that back to autism since many many don’t like being in crowds

- He likes silence (talks about sewing people’s mouths shut). He’s used to Barrel noises, but he might not like voices stacked on top of each other. Auditory sensibility is really varied, and sometimes noises are fine/sometimes they’re torture

Behavioral: 

- Again, so much of this is related to his trauma, but REGARDLESS!

- Dramatic af in the books, but both he and Inej say he’s quiet and reserved. Good with words and doesn’t seem to mind talking, but he really only talks about his hyperfixations:

- The exceptions make up almost all of the books, which is why he might come off as talkative, but he’s usually talking about a plan, having solved something/tricked someone (think conversations with Van Eck, Rollins), so of course he wants to talk. The other big exception is when he talks to Inej.

- Kaz is good at reading people, but there’s a lot to disprove that all autsitic people are bad at reading others. Many actually “over-read” and notice a lot/see things others don’t pick up on. Doesn’t make someone more socially competent (just because you know what’s happening doesn’t mean you know what to do about it). I don’t think it disqualifies him from being autistic

- Kaz is incredibly mentally organized, so over-reading people is actually helpful for him.

- With stimming, he’s amuses himself with cards, magic tricks, playing with coins and lock picks. It happens enough times to be a “thing” in the books. Sleight of hand can count as stimming.

Mental Capabilities:

- Autism doesn’t equal genius, but many autistic kids are also prodigies, and with Kaz I think it applies. 

- Autism and really good memory aren’t uncommon, and it tracks with this from Kaz:

- “Once he learned a game, it took him mere hours to master it, and then he simply couldn’t be beaten. He could remember every hand that had been played, each bet that was made. He could keep track of the deal for up to five decks.” 

- He can also do complex mental math, which can also apply to this if you want it to

Other Things That Don’t Technically Mean He’s Autistic But For Some Reason Feel Autistic To Me:

- Autistic people can wear whatever they want, but for whatever reason Kaz’s wardrobe, regardless of mocking Mercher’s, seems like it could be a product of Kaz’s specific brand of autism

- Birds of a feather flock together, all his friends are neurodivergent

- The crow motif. Neurodivergent people seems to really like corvids? Also many have animals that are just “their thing” so yeah, crows

There’s probably other stuff but I’m currently forgetting it all

Exploring This In Fics/Headcanons!:

- People can write Autistic Kaz however they want, but here are my personal thoughts: 

- I noticed I already write young Kaz as autistic-coded, as he usually only touches and talks to Jordie and is very attached to him, is quiet and likes puzzles more than ‘acting’ games, and doesn’t speak a lot but has an advanced vocab.

- Kaz can eat just about anything for survival, but it’s easy to headcanon him as actually only liking a few foods. Some autistic people are picky, and others love food, because people are different. That being said, I’m picky, so I headcanon that Kaz doesn’t really like eating with a few exceptions (things like chocolate, breakfast foods, ice cream, chips, pasta, coffee, because I love those things) and greatly dislikes many other things (I like writing that he doesn’t like carrots?? Idk)

- In Alternate Universe fics that make it hard to justify Kaz’s touch aversion with Jordie’s trauma/more modern AU’s: Autistic Kaz With Touch Sensitivity! It keeps him in character, gives him a reason to wear gloves, and adds neurodivergence without compromising his canon traits.

- His boundaries being ignored or sensory overload could also work to explain why he’s so pissed off all the damn time

- Not a lot changed between Kaz and Inej. Autistic Kaz and Trauma Kaz overlap a lot and can both work in canon, so he can still want to touch Inej like in the books. Many people have exceptions, and Inej (and Jesper, and the other Crows) would make sense as being Kaz’s exceptions. Plus, it adds to Inej’s feeling of safety because Kaz wouldn’t even think to touch her without reason/without asking until they’re a LOT more comfortable. You can still write him as being touch averse to Inej regardless of romantic feelings though.

- I think a reason Kaz isn’t talked about as an autistic possibility very often is because he’s such a badass? The portrayal of autistic people is often that they can’t be leaders, or that they’re soft and a cinnamon roll. People are more likely to make, say, Wylan autistic, and ignore the fact that Kaz has a lot going for this. So, to write Autistic Kaz realistically, what do you have to do? 

- Write him how he is in the books, with all his same habits and thoughts. In a modern AU, you can actively acknowledge it. Tag Autistic Kaz regardless of it being a focus. And in “canon universe” fics, you can still tag him as autistic, and mention how Kaz was like as a child or use introspection

- Autistic Kaz, using his canon character traits, probably won’t read as OOC

ALSO!

Jesper’s definitely ADHD and while I was writing a fic I realized Kaz and Jesper have an ADHD/Austic friendship. It’s true that Jes and Kaz don’t always understand each other, but: 

Kaz actively appreciates and likes Jesper (otherwise he wouldn’t be so hurt by Jesper’s loose tongue), and similarly to being unbothered by Wylan’s disability, I don’t think Kaz would mind Jesper’s quirks.

Since Jesper often fixates in fights, Kaz doesn’t have to worry about interference from Jesper’s brain during a job, and when it’s casual hanging out, I think Kaz just doesn’t care/actively understands where Jesper is coming from.

It’s not too supported by canon other than Kaz internally deciding that one of his best friends is going to be the hyperactive and social Jesper, despite them outwardly seeming so different

And why Jesper would pick reserved, quiet, and oddly prickly Kaz to be his best friend too. They don’t match up but if they just kinda vibe with each other/understand their brains work differently, then you have a very interesting basis for why they’re comfortable with each other.

TL;DR A lot of Kaz’s traits in the books (hyperfixations, special interests, sensory issues, behavior, mental capabilities) can be read as very autistic coded. This helps with rationalizing his behavior in AUs that lack his Jordie backstory while remaining completely in character and can also help characterize Younger Kaz. Additionally, it would not and should not compromise his badassery or competence. He and Jesper are Autsitic/ADHD friends.

[fellcharas]

remade pepper’s design since i wasn’t too confident in the original, i felt it looked too similar so i Tried to make this one more different.

ink sans belongs to @comyet​ ! more info under the cut

pepper is an ink variant for a still-in-the-works errorink au i’m making! basically, pepper (ink) and nyx (error) started out as childhood best friends and grew into enemies who eventually reconcile and become lovers. it’s a lot deeper than that considering they’re both accidental gods and there is no “good guy”/”bad guy” thing going on, they’ve just got issues with each other and themselves that they need to work out in order for a happy ending. this au heavily focuses on free will and choosing your own path rather than destiny or fate bringing two people together.

i named him pepper mostly because i like the name, but you can also interpret it as him peppering his presence into everything. he is technically a god, after all! and because he’s a god who can live forever i don’t really see him as sticking to one gender or one way of presenting himself. he’s very expressive and doesn’t care too much about the specification of labels, but for simplicity’s sake he is genderfluid and uses any pronouns, most commonly he/him, she/her, and it/its. he’s also queer, so to me that means he doesn’t care specifically about being gay or bi or straight or whatever. he’s just Queer.

pepper is a very complex character with a lot of issues. despite not having a SOUL, he still has a mind, which means he can decipher “good” from “bad” when he’s in an emotionless state. however, he can only detect one or the other and it is very strong, meaning that mistakes can occur and it’s hard for him to have a middle-of-the-road perception in an emotionless state. this leaves him weaker than he’d usually be if he couldn’t decipher good from bad. he also lacks a sense of self in an emotionless state. i like to think that pepper is also neurodivergent - meaning he has neurological disorders, namely autism, adhd, and ocd (which i have myself, all 3). or, if this doesn’t make sense to you, you can simply view him as coded to be such!

with his vials, pepper is usually well-meaning. if he isn’t feeling angered or anything like the sort, he’s always got the best of intentions. he’s a very decisive person because he lacks the natural ability to feel compassion, so he makes choices on how to do/say things and how to react to situations. he is kind, caring, protective, self-sacrificial, socially inept, humorous, enthusiastic, teasing, and peppy. he’s not the best at social situations due to his lack of natural emotion, but he’s trying! as for the self-sacrificial part..... maybe that’s best saved for later ;)

without his vials pepper can switch between being very isolated, asocial, and vague to being unpredictable, impulsive, and erratic. this usually depends on how his mind chooses to respond to his environment. if he is around something that is “good” or something that he knows won’t hurt him, he is unmoving, quiet, and vague in his words (if he chooses to speak coherently at all; in an emotionless state he tends to echo words/phrases as a means to try and focus on anything). if he is around something that is “bad” or something that he thinks will hurt him, he is much more responsive but less reactive to his actions.

pepper enjoys various activities! he loves to learn and engage in new and exciting situations. it’s hard for him to gain the complete trust of others at first because he can behave in a way that’s unexpected, but he enjoys making friends and talking to others. he tends to ramble, but like og ink, he has bad memory so he’ll stop mid sentence and forget what he was talking about. he’s very keen on committing to things he feels are important, mostly anything that relates to his purpose for existing. he likes to provide stimuli and experience it, so this can mean he’s very artistic. he also likes cats! and stargazing. drawing, singing, dancing, exploring, journaling, sewing/knitting, all of those are hobbies of his.

he stopped aging in his 20s, so there really is no telling how long he’s been alive for. considering he’s a god, you could pretty much guess anything beyond 25. BUT time doesn’t really have any relevance in this au aside from the fact that pepper and nyx were childhood best friends, and early into their adulthood things happened which caused them to become rivals!

in this au pepper had a past life as an unnamed sans for an incomplete au with only one timeline and no ability to reset, just like original ink’s backstory. the unnamed sans destroyed his SOUL like the original, being set free, and he was reborn into pepper. pepper has no memories of his past life, but he does have determination, which is why he can’t die no matter how many times he’s “killed”. this determination comes from his past life’s desperate want to be something, to not be forgotten, to not be lost to nothing. this determination comes in the form of black ink. i’m not quite sure how this will be utilized in the story of this au, i’m still figuring a lot of things out, but yeah.

for a long time pepper had no idea that he was a god, which meant he had never considered the idea that he might have a “special destiny”. he was a young adult when he found out, though, and well... i can’t say too much.

but, yeah! that’s pepper!!! feel free to ask questions about him ‘cause i love this little guy. some of this could be subject to change in the future since i’m still working everything out. but i hope you guys enjoy him!

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Complexities Unknowable- Chapter 7 (Finale!)

Ao3,   1    2    3    4    5    6.  MasterPost

Relationships: Deintruality, background Analogince

Warnings: Cursing, Remus-typical language and jokes, Minor self-deprication/insecurity, the ol’ ‘thinks-it’s-unrequited-and-is-oblivious-to-obvious-flirting’ song and dance, all sympathetic sides, feelings of being left out, also I accidentally projected too hard and now Patton has adhd oops. 

Word Count: 4,000 (approximately)

Patton felt better than he could ever remember feeling. Sleep came easy as it hadn’t for him in years. It was amazing how far a little bit of understanding went.

When all your closest friends are together, you get lonely. Patton wouldn’t say that he was jealous, but everything was different now. When he used to spend time with the others, it was four pals spending quality time together! Now when they did, it was a date, except oops! Patton’s here too! How awkward!

He knew that was unfair. They didn’t really think of him that way, of course not. Hence why he didn’t bring it up.

It wasn’t like that with Remus and Deceit. Even though they were dating, Patton never felt left behind. Their humor was dark and snarky but accessible, not laden with inside jokes that he’d missed out on or specific clues that he didn’t pick up. 

The inclusiveness they treated him with was probably borne from being excluded for so long, though he didn’t like to think about that. The fact was, the three were friends now, the past was past, and Patton was drinking in their companionship like fine wine (or, to be more accurate to himself, a grape juice box).

It did not take him long to figure out why he was so fond of their company. You can only spend so much time with Deceit prattling about the dangers of repression before you start to unearth all of those deeply buried feelings.

He’d fallen for the Dark Sides. Whoops. 

Could you really blame him? Deceit, suave and clever and funny, yet so gentle when he wanted to be; Remus, bold and brash and energetic, but still with such a deep empathy hidden in him! It was no wonder that the two were already together- anyone who spent as much time with them as they spent with each other would be head-over-heels as well! (Patton was speaking from experience on that one). 

Initial surprise regarding the feelings had soon faded to something almost comfortable. He was happy to have them as his friends alone, so what was a little crush? No big deal!

...Was what he had thought ten minutes ago, when there wasn’t an affectionate Remus wrapped around him, chattering off various compliments.

“I could hold you forever, Patty. You are just the softest, like a water balloon full of blood and organs! But still so ripped, I mean, damn!”

“Language,” Patton chided meekly, trying very hard to not dissolve into the ether.

“Awww, you can’t make an exception for me? Just this once? I’ll make it worth your while~,” the last part was a hushed sing-song right near Morality’s ear. He felt his face redden, but forced himself away to refocus on… whatever he had been doing.

“Nope, no exceptions,” he chirped, going back to- right! Cleaning!

“You aren’t tempted at all? You are so responsible- and that’s really one of the sexiest qualities there is.”

It was just Remus’ nature to talk to people like that, Patton told himself firmly. The Creative side was just expressing his friendly affection in a way that made sense to him. It came alongside being close to someone so unused to ‘typical’ friendship dynamics, after all. Patton reminded himself of this again and again, denying himself the desperate urge that welled up and told him to respond in kind. He would not purposefully misinterpret Remus’ actions for his own gain, he was better than that!

“Thank you, Rem,” just nice, platonic gratitude for nice, platonic compliments. 

Eventually, finally, mercifully, The Duke had seemed to get bored. He disentangled himself from Patton (appearing rather crestfallen, though the moral trait wasn’t sure why), and wandered off. 

But that, whether for good or for bad, was hardly the end of that.

Deceit’s room was magnificently cozy. It was armchairs that swallowed up whomever sat in them, warm lamps casting down on all surfaces, and jazzy music playing distantly in the background. In other words, the perfect place for a good cup of tea and some sandwiches, not to mention pleasant conversation.

Deceit lounged back in his oversized chair, sending Patton an inscrutable look across their teacups. The side smiled, hoping that was the appropriate response.

“So,” he drawled, switching the track of their conversation abruptly, “You’re something of a seamster, aren’t you?”

Patton stared blankly for a moment before the term clicked.

“Oh, you mean a seamstress?”

“Sorry, I thought you’d prefer the masculine, but that really was presumptuous of me,” Deceit amended in apology. 

“I didn’t know that there was a word for it other than seamstress. Hey, isn’t it kinda weird how some jobs are like that, when you think about it? Like how there’s actors and actresses! Why wouldn’t ‘actor’ be all encompassing, ya know?”

Deceit made a vague noise of disinterest and waved his hand, as though manually cutting off the tangent in conversation.

“Yes, gender is a distasteful societal construct and an overall prison to our consciences, we both agree- but regardless, you sew. Make clothing and things like our quilt. Isn’t that right?”

“Right- yes.”

“Do you make all of your own clothes, then?”

“Hmm, sometimes I do- I mostly make stuff for the others. It’s easier to conjure simple stuff for myself, but making them is a lot of fun!” Morality gestured enthusiastically to the pastel pink sweater that he wore, fluffy and intricately patterned. 

Deceit’s eyes glinted in a strange, intimidating, and also incredibly hot way. Patton almost forced the attraction out of his mind, before realizing that that kind of repression would definitely be noticed in this part of the Mindscape. 

“I would have to say you have quite the talent, in that case,” the dishonest trait set down his cup and craned his body over the small table between them, heterochromatic gaze alight with… something. Patton cleared his throat. 

“W-Why’s that?” 

“You look positively hideous in that, my Dear,” he purred in obvious lies, gloved hands now sitting in the middle of the table and creeping forward by the inch.

“Aw, thanks,” Patton croaked, fighting the urge to lean forward in turn. 

Something strangely disappointed flashed in Deceit’s eyes, but he quickly recovered. He reached out to run a hand along Patton’s sleeve, the touch lingering against his arm.

“My my, that’s just like a cloud. How did you manage that, Darling?”

Morality shivered as Deceit continued to toy with the fabric of his sweater. 

“I-It’s probably because it’s made with love! Since that’s what I am, kinda,” he stammered, desperately trying to keep up the cheery tone.

“I’m inclined to agree. There’s beauty in all you touch, Sunshine.”

Oh, the pet names. Patton really couldn’t take it; he jerked away and pressed his back against the chair, before he had the chance to do something stupid. Honestly, it was sad how hard this was for him- Deceit was just trying to be a good friend! It wasn’t his fault that he showed it with flirts!

“You’re too sweet,” with distance reestablished, Morality found it much easier to formulate words, “I really appreciate you, Dee.”

Deceit blinked, still hovering over the table. He cleared his throat and snapped back into his seat, suddenly looking the part of the cold and distant Dark Side that Patton had feared just months prior. Guarded, callous, stoic. It was almost frightening, how quickly he changed. 

“Yes, I know you do. Let’s change topics, shall we?”

Patton, feeling quite a bit of whiplash, nodded hesitantly. Their conversation continued to flow normally, for the most part, but he couldn’t help feeling that he’d messed up somewhere. There was something heavy over them, but Patton hadn’t the slightest idea what it was. 

For a brief, dizzying moment, he wondered if they were moving backwards. If he’d somehow crossed a line when he was trying so hard not to, and now they were two steps back again. Just the thought of it made him too sick to finish his tea.

Patton didn’t have to be worried for long about that particular mishap, thankfully, as a very momentous occasion had swallowed up the fear. Remus and Deceit were going to be joining in their first ever movie night as part of the family! 

There’d been plenty of TV marathons with just them and Pat already, but now they’d all come together! As part of the group!! Contributing to the voting and the arguing and the joking and the experience of it all!!! Needless to say, Patton was practically bouncing off the walls in his excitement. 

He plopped down onto the couch with a bowl of popcorn, passing a much larger container of snacks to the amorphous blob of limbs and sass that had once been his three best friends, cuddled together far across from him. Now, all they needed were the Dark- sorry, former Dark Sides.

He wasn’t waiting for long before Deceit and Remus appeared in the living room (Remus, thank the lord, wearing actual pajamas). Patton couldn’t contain the happy little chirp that escaped him, scrunching himself to one side of the sectional so that they’d have plenty of room to make themselves at home.

Rather than huddling together in the crook of the curved sofa, however, Deceit immediately gestured for Patton to scooch over, and Remus sat on his other side. Morality was happy (if a bit surprised) to comply with this new seating arrangement, flashing them bright smiles. In light of recent events, being so close with both of them was a little dizzying, but it wasn’t too hard to bear. For now.

The conversation on which movie to watch that night was more agreeable than usual, which was nice; they got right to the marathon with little hassle. Patton sighed as the opening credits to Tangled played. At that moment, his life couldn’t get any more wonderful. Surrounded by the people he cared about, finally all together, it was perfect. 

And then, a mere ten minutes in, Remus leaned his chin on Patton’s shoulder and pressed into his side. 

“Mother Gothel is such a Milf.”

Patton would usually have been put off by the sexual comment, but at that moment Deceit had also seemed to decide that he’d make a good headrest. Which was fine, this was fine. Some mild friendly cuddling- nothing he couldn't handle!

Another twenty minutes later and Remus twisted an arm around his waist. Deceit held Patton’s hand between a couple of his own. By this point, they were beginning to look a lot like the cuddle pile wrapped up together on the other side of the couch. He was still alive, though!

Neither of the sides beside him moved an inch until the film ended, only begrudgingly letting go when Morality had to get up for a snack refill. Even then, they latched back onto him as soon as he returned. Thus began the second movie, and the beginning of Patton's slow and snuggly death.

Every few minutes, it would be something else: Deceit ran a hand or two through his hair, Remus hooked his leg around Patton’s, Deceit nuzzled against his neck, Remus laughed into his shoulder, et cetera et cetera et cetera.

Three movies in and he was barely keeping up with the conversation. His head was spinning and he was sure he’d never been so warm, but more than that he felt protected. Even adored. He wasn't often on the receiving end of affection, and the longing brought with it ached, but he never wanted it to end.

Then Virgil yawned (oh yeah, the other three were still there), exiting from the ending credits of All Dogs Go To Heaven and clicking back to the main screen.

“Bed time,” he grumbled, a tone so intimate and low and clearly meant for his boyfriends that Patton almost felt bad for overhearing it. 

“It is getting quite late,” Logan agreed, standing to stretch. Roman followed suit and dragged a  sleepy Anxiety up with him.

Virgil tossed the remote in Patton's general direction and let Roman haul him up in his arms (Deceit caught it with an unoccupied arm, given that the moral side’s brain was currently jelly). The three bid their goodnights and were gone with a few shimmers of color and a whoosh.

“I guess we should head up, too,” Patton murmured, working very hard to disguise his reluctance. To his surprise, the traits sandwiching him only sank further into his sides.

“Oh, you’re absolutely right, it’s so very late,” Deceit rumbled, his face partially hidden in the crook of Patton’s neck.

“Yeah, I’m exhausted. I can’t move,” Remus added, his voice ticking up in a noticeably mischievous way. 

“I can’t either. We should stay, just like this.”

Patton's heart warmed, looking between their adorably sleepy faces. He couldn’t lie, the offer was tempting, but in such a situation his brain came back to him. Despite the continued proximity of his crushes, this was something he could handle! 

“Aww, don’t you worry about it, I’ve got ya,” and, making very sure that his grip was secure, Patton stood up with Deceit and Remus cradled in either arm. He hardly staggered under the weight of the sides, familiar with such heavy lifting. 

Remus and Deceit went from sleepiness to pure shock in a matter of milliseconds. Deceit instinctively clung to Patton with all of his limbs, meanwhile Remus gave a startled laugh. Their faces were a matching pink; oh, he could have made them uncomfortable!

“Is this okay? I promise I won't drop you.”

Remus nodded frantically; Deceit squawked in an affirming sort of way. 

Relief washed over Patton and, satisfied with the response, he sank out in a circle of cyan. For a moment, he feared that the nausea that The Subconscious usually brought him would unsteady him, but he was left pleasantly surprised when he felt none. In fact, it felt just like rising up anywhere else. Just as easy as breathing. Hm.

He didn’t dwell on it too long, ascending The Subconscious’ staircase and bringing his cargo to the first bedroom he saw (Deceit’s). He nudged the door open with his shoe, carrying them right to the bed and dropping them down gently. Remus fell onto his back with a happy hum; Deceit stayed upright and stared at Patton with wide eyes. He huffed a laugh and nudged The Snake's shoulders, and Deceit let himself fall beside his boyfriend, dazed. 

This was routine for Patton: grabbing the covers and blanketing his friends, as he’d done for probably every other side at one point or another (even Logan, though he would deny it furiously). Once Remus and Deceit were sufficiently tucked in, he stood up and dimmed the lights to near darkness. 

“Alright, you two have a good night's sleep.”

There was a noise of approval from the pair. Patton gave them one last smile before disappearing back to his own room. To scream into his pillow and think about how gay he was.

Which meant that he didn't get the opportunity to hear the interaction that followed between Dee and Ree.

“Well, that didn’t backfire at all.”

“I want him to snap my spine in half like a glow stick. He could break every bone in my body and I would thank him,” Remus replied dreamily. Deceit hummed in agreement. 

“Perhaps we should try a more… direct approach, as this doesn’t seem to be working in our favor.”

“I dunno about you, but I’m feeling pretty fuckin’ favored right now.”

“I was suggesting that we be more-” he very nearly gagged, “Straightforward.”

“More like gay-forward, actually,” Remus corrected, “But I’m with you! You know I love being direct.”

“Now when I say direct, I don’t mean blunt.”

“I don’t understand the difference.”

“I know you don’t. Let me do the talking.”

“Fine by me! Whatever works to get him to pick me up and throw me!”

Deceit rolled his eyes, settling his arms around Remus. 

“Yes, yes- but I’m actually wide awake right now, and I’d love it if you keep being loud all night, Dearest.” 

“Oh, right,” Remus lowered his voice, curling himself around the lying side in turn. Together, their breathing slowed. As they drifted to sleep, the feeling of Patton's arms around them still ghosted their skin.

Patton was cleaning furiously. He’d already reorganized the entirety of his room- twice, for that matter- and now he’d moved to the Common area. It hadn’t been so much as a week since his last tidying session, and the Mindpalace was pretty much spotless, but that was irrelevant. It was as good a distraction as any.

Maybe he was avoiding the trifecta of trifling traits- aka his best friends- because he knew that they’d ask about why he was being so weird lately. Maybe he was avoiding Deceit and Remus, the reason that he’d been weird lately. Maybe he was just avoiding his thoughts about them, because seeing them all cozied up and sleepy and adorable a couple nights ago really hadn’t helped settle his growing infatuation with them. Most likely, he was avoiding all three. 

But he had failed to take into account that The Common Area was not the best place for avoiding stuff. Given that it was. A Public Space. 

“Patton,” began the voice of Deceit behind him, in a tone deadly serious.

He spun around to see a very embarrassed Dee and an immensely giddy Remus. Well, Shhhhh-ucks. Shucks. 

“Hey!” Patton tossed the sponge in his hand back into the sink and pretended that he wasn’t freaking out at that exact moment. 

Deceit hardly registered the greeting, continuing: 

“We need to talk to you.”

“What about?”

The Snake opened his mouth, and promptly closed it. His eyes had widened concerningly, and he cast his gaze downwards.

“We-” he cut off again. Patton’s worry was mounting. 

“DeeDee?” Remus prompted, elbowing his partner’s side, “I thought you were doing the talking?”

“I-I can do this, I’m not tapping out,” his voice was frenzied, hiding himself behind The Duke in a rare display of fear. 

“Guys? Is something wrong?” Patton approached them, all of his nervousness about his feelings forgotten in the face of this distress, “Whatever it is, you can talk to me.”

Remus gave him a warm smile, not hesitating for a breath. 

“We came to tell you you’re hot and we wanna date you! But, you know how bad Dee is with words! Anyway, whaddya say?”

Deceit, for his part, nodded in deep resignation. And Patton’s head reeled.

He could hear, audibly hear his heart thumping against his ribs. It was probably as simple as a confession could get, but regardless he found himself frantically replaying the words over and over and over again. He’d never imagined- not even for a second- even the thought of it- 

Mentally, he took a step back. Roman, Logan, and Virgil were an item. Remus and Deceit were an item. And Patton was a third party, paternal and caring and watching out for all of them and their misadventures, though he knew he’d never be entirely part of it. But maybe, now he could be. After everything, they wanted not to just be with him, but to be with him.

It didn’t process.

“I- You- What- Me?”

Because there is good in this world, Remus (correctly) interpreted his flustered stammering as surprise and not distaste. The smile that he almost always wore widened and he took a step forward, dragging the mildly less panicked Deceit along with him.

“You,” he confirmed, shimmying excitedly in place, “Definitely you. And us.”

“I second that not-at-all vague sentiment. We’ve grown unfortunately fond of you,” Deceit uncoiled himself from Remus enough to be seen clearly.

Patton saw it. He saw, in full light and understanding, the subtext in their previous interactions. And now that he did, he had no idea how he’d missed it. A testament to the power of his insecurity, probably. But that didn’t matter, because they liked him back.

Patton failed to words. But, they were very near, and he was very happy, and in the light of new context, he figured that they wouldn’t mind the response he opted for instead. 

He hopped forward with a delighted squeal, scooping the traits up in his arms. Remus started cackling and immediately returned the hug with just as much fervor. Deceit wasn’t far behind for once, allowing his face to split with a smile equal parts shock, relief, and glee. 

“Oh, I love you two so much!” Patton laughed out, burying his face in Remus’ hair. 

“I love you back!” Remus said in kind. 

Deceit attempted a dramatic groan, but he failed to tamp down his grin. 

“It could be said that I feel something love-adjacent for the both of you. Perhaps.” 

Patton’s mind was swimming in joy, so much so that it barely registered when Remus tilted his head back only to lean forward, and oh wow, were they kissing. Patton’s vision was all bright blurs of color, and he melted. The creative trait pushed up against him, rough in much the same way as an overly excited large dog. Patton hardly had time to reciprocate the kiss before Remus broke off completely from the hug, unflustered and unaffected by what he’d done, save for a light blush.

“Now you guys!”

Oh, he was still hugging Deceit. 

“Only if it’s okay?” he’d barely gotten the apprehensive words out of his mouth when it was suddenly occupied, and the world went back to hazey vibrance. Deceit was almost skittish, a barely-there press against his lips like he expected Patton to shove him away. He didn’t, by the way. Rather, he slid a hand up to rest between the side’s shoulder blades, bringing him nearer. 

After a moment, they pulled back slowly, not letting go of each other. 

“That was hot, ngl,” Remus chimed from his perch on the counter.

Patton was overcome with a fit of giggling, energy building in him. He ended his and Deceit’s very drawn-out embrace to satisfy the necessity of full body wiggle. He was in Silly Mode, there was no avoiding this until it had been exorcised via The Joyful Movement™. Patton flapped his hands at his sides and shook his hair out, laughing all the while. Today could not possibly get better!

But he remembered his audience of two. He looked up, hair fluffed up and face flushed with fading excitement and a tinge of self-consciousness. 

“Sorry, I got over-excited...”

“That,” Deceit announced solemnly, “Was astoundingly adorable.”

“I’ve died a gruesome death,” Remus rolled off the counter and onto the ground with a crash (and some bone crunches thrown in, probably for fun), “My heart overloaded, it has burst. There’s blood everywhere, it’s in my eyes, I’m now also blind.” 

Patton’s relief escaped in another bout of laughter, and something lifted in him. A weight that had been there for so long that he hadn’t even remembered it was there, nor how it felt to be without it. But now that it had left, he didn’t know how he had been living with it for so long. There was airiness in his chest, a clarity in his mind, a general sense of contentment rushing over him. This wasn’t a face he put on for others benefit, it wasn’t a fleeting enjoyment of one thing or another- what it was was a deep, thrumming joy that overcame him. 

He was happy. 

Naturally, Patton could not finish cleaning due to. Circumstances. Those circumstances being, he was finally letting himself indulge in some quality time with his new boyfriends (an identifier he very much liked the sound of). 

The trio were half-laying on the Common room’s couch, a tangle of various limbs. Remus leaned against a pile of pillows, and Patton rested his head on his chest. Draped across the both of them was Deceit, fastening all of his arms around them in a manner simultaneously protective and needy. Oh, and also very, very cute. 

“This was totally what I was planning from the beginning,” his voice reverberated through Patton’s chest, “God, I am so great at plotting.”

Remus clicked his tongue agreeably, pressing a kiss to the top of Morality’s head.

“Yeah, I was pretty sure we were gonna end up killing you, Pumpkin. This wasn’t even in the ballpark of outcomes.” 

Patton hummed in thought, cuddling himself closer to his partners.

“I dunno. I’d say your plan turned out pretty well.”

@deceits-left-glove​ 

@princemesscharming

@shrimp-crockpot

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 6

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Calypso gets a makeover.

Characters in this ch: Calypso, Annabeth, Piper, Leo

Words: 3233 (a long one :O)

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

...

“So, Greek is your native language? That’s so cool!” Annabeth exclaimed as she and Calypso were on their way to a nearby mall to purchase new things for the new semester. “I’ve been trying to learn Ancient Greek just for fun but it’s harder than you’d think, I’m not very good yet.”

“Yeah,” Calypso nodded understandingly. “I’ve been living here since I was about 10 so I’d like to think that my English is fine now – apart from the accent – but it took me half a year to actually start speaking English in the class when I started school here… And I was homeschooled during my high school years so it was hard to maintain the language skills. It’s nice to be able to communicate with other students face to face now,” Calypso said with a sad undertone that Annabeth didn’t miss.

“You were homeschooled?” she asked with surprise. “Any special reason for that?”

Calypso didn’t know what to answer to that. The truth was very hurtful and she hadn’t ever told anyone about it, much less someone she had known less than a week. That’s why she tried to smooth it out as much as she could when she answered: “Um… My father seemed to think it was a safer option than going to a public school.” She shrugged. Annabeth didn’t ask more questions, probably thinking that her answer seemed acceptable.

“Makes sense. I’ve done a lot of studying at home too, mostly because I have ADHD and dyslexia so learning isn’t as easy to me as it is to some.” That information surprised Calypso.

“But… Sorry for the assumption but to me you seem like the type who always wants to be on the top of her class.”

“You guessed right.” Annabeth smiled. “But it hasn’t been an easy road. I have had to try a lot of learning methods before I finally found some that worked for me and made it easier for me to focus. Luckily these days there are a lot of audiobooks and other options for dyslexic learners so… it’s not so bad.”

“Right,” Calypso said. The conversation ended because they had finally arrived at their destination. Calypso had brought very little with her into her new home - just the most essential clothes and other everyday items - so there was plenty she needed. However, she also needed to figure out where to get more money once she was done with the shopping. She had some savings on her bank account thanks to helping her dad with his business (mainly stuff like paying bills and writing emails on his behalf) and because a dead relative had left her some money in her will, but those would only last for a couple of months. She had considered her options and one of them was opening an online shop where she’d sell things she’d herself made, from clothes (she was pretty handy with both knitting and sewing) to decorative objects such as jewellery and ceramic pots. The issue with the latter option was that she had no place to make them; the room she currently had was too small and Leo probably wouldn’t be thrilled if she turned their common area into a workshop.

“So,” she turned to Annabeth as they were checking a display at a bookstore. “This might be a bit of a random question, but do you have to work to pay for your studies?”

“Oh, yeah, I do!” Annabeth answered. “My dad would have helped but we’ve never been that close and I don’t feel it’s fair so I give children art classes and sometimes tutor them in various subjects. It also helps that I live together with my boyfriend so we can split our bills…”

“You said earlier that he’s a swimmer, right?” Calypso remembered from their earlier conversation. “I used to know one who I think is pretty good these days. But I haven’t kept in touch with him for a couple of years.”

“Oh? What’s his name?” Annabeth inquired. “I might know him?”

Calypso was about to answer when she suddenly spotted a couple of people she knew in the crowd outside the bookstore. She inhaled sharply and pulled Annabeth farther from that direction, hiding behind her.

“No, no… that can’t be… how would they know…” she muttered to herself.

“What’s wrong?” Annabeth asked, trying to see what had caused Calypso’s reaction.

“I… just saw some people I don’t want to find me. It’s a long story. But we should go.” Calypso said as quietly as she could, nodding towards the entrance of the mall.

“But we just came here…”

“I’m sorry!” Calypso bit her lip. “I really don’t want him to see me. We can go to some other place.”

“Fine,” Annabeth agreed, still glancing to the direction where the mysterious person had been. “There’s another shopping center nearby.”

Once they were safely outside, she asked: “What was that about?”

“I wish I could tell you but I don’t want you to get involved in this mess…” Calypso said, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. “But this is bad, they might have a clue I’m here… I don’t know what they’d do if…”

“You don’t make any sense now,” Annabeth noted bluntly. “But OK, someone is looking for you and you don’t want them to find you. I know we haven’t known each other long, but you can trust me. I’ll help you out if you need it.”

“Thanks,” Calypso said gratefully. “Right now, the farther I am from those people, the better.”

“What are we waiting for, then?” the blonde girl tugged on her sleeve and started running like a little child. “Let’s go!” she said, smiling as she ran farther from Calypso, and she couldn’t help but follow her.

…

In another shopping center Calypso spotted a hair salon, which gave her an idea. She figured that if she looked different than before escaping her childhood home, the men who worked for her father would have a harder time recognizing her. That meant a new haircut, new clothes, and possibly different kinds of make-up too. She didn’t usually use a lot of products on her face – mascara and lipgloss were her go-to make-up items – but maybe Annabeth would be able to help her with that.

“I… should probably use my money on more important things, but do you happen to know anyone who’d be willing to give me a haircut? And maybe even help with dyeing it?” Calypso asked while looking at the ads on the wall of the hair salon.

“You want to cut it?” Annabeth eyed her long, caramel colored hair that had been braided. “I thought it looks so pretty now.”

Calypso mumbled something about wanting to start kind of from a clean slate in a new place, not wanting to go too deep into her reasons.

“I understand.” The other girl nodded. “As for your question, yes, I happen to know just the person! My friend Piper McLean is quite experienced in that field because one of her sisters is a hairdresser and she taught Piper to cut her hair. She’s helped me sometimes too!”

“Piper?” The name reminded Calypso of something. Then she realized that she had heard Leo mention a girl named Piper the other day. “That is not a very common name here, is it? I mean, I think my flatmate knows someone called Piper too…”

“Now that you mention it, I think it might indeed be the same Piper,” Annabeth realized. “She does talk about Leo sometimes; apparently they are good friends. Somehow I’ve yet to meet him, though.” Calypso from a couple of days ago might have said that Annabeth really hasn’t missed much, but something had changed after the conversation with him the other day. She no longer felt annoyed simply by the mention of his name, and even though she didn’t really want to admit it, there was a part of her that wanted to know more about him. Something bad, apparently related to fire, had happened in his past that he kept inside him, and when Calypso thought about it, she couldn’t help but feel for him… She too had lost a lot. But then she shook her head because now was not the time to get stuck in her past.

“Maybe you will meet him if you come to our flat at some point; he’s home working a lot,” she answered instead.

“Maybe!” Annabeth said enthusiastically. “I’d like to know what all the fuss is about because somehow I seem to have a lot of connections towards him. First my boyfriend, then Piper, and now you too.”

“Small world, huh?” Calypso smiled. Annabeth agreed and after they paid for their purchases she proceeded to call Piper to ask if she’d be willing to help a friend out. Piper had nothing against that. They decided to meet up at Leo and Calypso’s flat in a few hours because it was closer to their current whereabouts than Annabeth and Piper’s homes.

...

About two hours later, Calypso’s wallet was notably lighter, but she had gotten herself a new, pink everyday dress, a jacket, shoes that matched the dress, a light blue shirt, some make-up products (for which she had had to ask the shop assistant’s help) and henna hair dye. She had debated on her color options for a good while, but ended up on the orange-ish because it wasn’t too far from her own hair color (she didn’t want too radical changes when she was dying her hair for the first time) and she also liked using natural, organic products when possible.

“Thanks for coming with me!” Calypso told Annabeth happily when they were finally back at her flat. “You were a big help.”

“No big deal,” Annabeth said back. “I’m always happy to help a friend. Not that you needed it a lot.”

“I meant more than just shopping wise,” Calypso said, looking down at her feet. “I don’t know how I would have reacted if I had been alone when…”

Annabeth understood she was referring to the strangers who had frightened her.

“You still don’t want to talk about that?” she asked carefully.

“I’d rather not,” Calypso shook her head. “It’s… a part of my life that I’m trying to leave behind me.”

Annabeth narrowed her eyes. “Can I ask you one question, though? You know those guys and they know you? And they’re searching for you?”

“I… I don’t know what they were really doing here. It could have been a total coincidence. I mean, only you knew we were going to be at that mall so it feels impossible that they would have known…” Calypso rubbed her forehead tiredly.

“You’re not trying to run away from the police or anything? Sorry, I just had to ask.”

“No, no!” Calypso lifted her hands in front of her defensively. “They are from my dad’s company… it’s complicated.”

That was Annabeth’s cue to stop asking more questions. She figured that Calypso would tell her with time if she let it be. The atmosphere started getting a bit awkward so both of the girls were relieved when Annabeth’s phone rang and Piper announced she was waiting at the front door. Calypso let her in.

“So you’re the famous Calypso!” she exclaimed the moment she saw her.

“Famous?” Calypso asked, her eyebrows raising.

“I just meant that Leo has talked quite a lot about you,” she grinned cheekily. Calypso couldn’t help but notice that the girl was very pretty, with mysterious multicolored eyes and brown hair that suited her even though it was cut unevenly. She secretly hoped that she had made it look like that on purpose and it didn’t show her real hair cutting skills.

“He has?” Calypso asked. “I bet he’s said nothing good about me…”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Piper replied, “he may seem a bit rude on the surface but I promise that he’s actually much nicer than what he looks like. Just awkward around new people. So, no, he hasn’t said anything that would make me hate you.”

“That’s a relief, especially since you’re supposed to use the scissors near me soon,” Calypso attempted to joke and to her relief Piper laughed at it.

“Anyways, as I’m sure you already know, I’m Piper.” She shook Calypso’s hand. “I hope you don’t mind me coming into your flat even though we are just meeting right now.”

“Oh, no problem!” Calypso reassured her. “I trust Annabeth’s judgement on friends.”

“Not Leo’s, though?” The corner of Piper’s mouth raised with amusement.

“Uh…” Calypso rubbed her neck. “We’ve had a slightly weird start but I think we have made a bit of progress in the past few days, though.”

“So he has talked to you like he promised?” Piper asked.

“Well, however you take it. The fire alarm started acting up yesterday and he fixed it. And I did learn some new things about him meanwhile,” Calypso confessed.

“Such as?”

“Either he’s really afraid of the voice of the fire alarm… or then the thing that causes it,” Calypso said vaguely, trying to see from Piper’s reaction if she knew something she didn’t.

“His home burned when he was a child,” Piper revealed. “He was only 8. It was pretty traumatizing for him so you’d probably do well if you didn’t ask about it. He’ll tell you more when he’s ready.”

Calypso could relate to that feeling because she had literally only moments before told Annabeth that she wasn’t ready to talk about her background.

“He mentioned something about a fire the other day but he was pretty vague about it… But anyway, that explains why he wasn’t thrilled when I was going to use the matches…” Calypso noted and the other two hummed in agreement. To lighten the mood, Piper decided to change the subject:

“Anyway, I believe I came here for a makeover, so maybe we should get started!” she said happily, gesturing towards the items she brought.

…

A couple of hours later, Piper had performed her magic and Calypso looked almost like a different person. Her hair, which used to reach her bottom, was now shoulder length and orange-ish instead of caramel blonde. Piper would have agreed to cut a fringe as well, but Calypso refused. The brunette was also a rather skilled make-up artist (she didn’t wear a lot of make-up herself, but her mother was extremely enthusiastic about all things beauty related and had taught her from a young age. Piper claimed she’d be proud if she saw her now) and she taught Calypso some simple tricks to do her everyday make-up. Turned out she didn’t need much: her skin was naturally smooth and her eyelashes long and dark. To complete the look, Calypso put on her new dress, and the other two girls cheered when she showed them it.

“I’d say mission successful!” Piper exclaimed, clapping her hands. “Even my mom would approve.”

“You think so?” Calypso asked shyly, still trying to get used to her new look.

“Definitely,” Annabeth agreed as well.

“Can I offer you something as a thanks?” Calypso suggested. “Coffee? Tea? Juice? I think I have some pie left from the other day as well unless Leo has stolen it…”

“Tea sounds good,” Piper nodded approvingly and the girls moved into the common area.

“Leo doesn’t seem to be home?” she asked Calypso when she started boiling the tea water. “And here I thought he’s always here building something.”

“I think he mentioned something about a sparring session…” Calypso shrugged. “I didn’t ask more about that.”

“Oh yeah, sometimes he and Jason and a couple of other friends do that but I know Jason wasn’t going to go anywhere today, he has a deadline for an assignment…”

The girls were still wondering the mystery of Leo’s whereabouts when keys started clinging by the front door and soon it opened. A smile spread on Leo’s face when he recognized Piper who sat on the kitchen counter.

“Speaking of the devil, there he is,” the brunette stated before Leo had time to say anything, making the boy confused.

“Pipes, what are you doing here? How did you get in?”

“I was with Calypso and Annabeth, duh,” she answered, gesturing at the two girls that Leo hadn’t noticed until that moment.

“I didn’t know you knew Calypso,” Leo stated before turning his attention properly to the two other girls. First he nodded at Annabeth who was sitting by the dining table and started introducing himself: “Hi, I’m Le...wow”

“What?” Annabeth snorted but didn’t get a reply because Leo had finally noticed that his flatmate looked very different from before. In a good way.

Calypso was frozen in her spot with a teapot in her hand, blushing when she felt Leo’s stare at her. But Leo didn’t notice that. He noticed how the make-up brought out her almond shaped eyes (Leo wondered how he had never noticed before that they were so dark brown that they almost looked black), how the dress she was wearing reminded him of one his mom had worn often during the holidays, and how the short hair curled cutely from the ends, tickling her jaw a bit. If he was honest with himself (which he tried hard not to be), he had previously thought she couldn’t possibly be prettier than she already was, but clearly he had been proven wrong. He had to bite his lip to not curse out loud (because he would NOT have a crush on his flatmate).

“Well? What do you think?” Piper asked when the silence that had fallen into the room was about to get awkward. “We had a small makeover here.”

“I… uh… she looks… good?” Leo stammered, feeling the heat rise all the way to his ears. In reality, he had to gather all his willpower to stop himself from using all the extravagant words he often used to describe his work (usually as a joke). Because he did like what he saw, he couldn’t deny that no matter what.

“Good? Calypso, his ears say otherwise. I’ve never seen them that red.” Piper teased.

“Shut it, Beauty Queen. “ Leo mustered the most burning expression he was capable of making.

Piper didn’t care. “Just so you know, Calypso, he’s used that name as a joke since we learned to know each other, so don’t think that he thinks of me that way. I have a boyfriend.” Calypso smiled at her awkwardly.

“Yeah, and sometimes I don’t get why Jason stands you. Estas loca.” Leo shook his head before withdrawing into his own room.

“Aww, he goes for Spanish when he’s nervous, Cal. I think you really made quite an impression,” Piper laughed, not caring about Leo’s reaction.

“Was that necessary, though?” Calypso asked, feeling almost as flustered as Leo a moment before.

“Don’t worry about it. We just like to make fun of him.” Piper shrugged. “He won’t be mad long.”

“But…” Calypso started, not knowing what to make of Leo’s reaction. Had he really liked her new look? Why had he gotten so flustered? Finally, she decided she must have been overthinking it. “Uh, never mind. Anyway, thanks for the help, Piper. What do I owe you for this?”

“Nothing. But please invite me over more often. I think we are gonna have fun together!”

[aroworlds]

Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Alex

Today I have the delight of introducing Alex, better known to aro-spec Tumblr as @arotaro and @mutant-jojos!

Alex is a bisexual, half-Puerto Rican multi-disciplinary aromantic artist and creative with severe ADHD. You’ll find her prolific fanworks on AO3 as EmeraldTrash666, writing primarily for the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure fandom. Her bold, colourful art for the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Fullmetal Alchemist, Hetalia, Pokemon and Vocaloid fandoms is also available on Redbubble under the name StellaHagane.

She writes, she creates digital art and she dabbles in music, sewing and fashion design, single-handedly proving that there’s no such thing as too much creative awesome for any one aromantic!

With us Alex talks about finding the word aro, the power of fandom and creative fanworks, her love of aro Jotaro, the challenges of creating with ADHD, the struggles of being an aro gen writer in fandom and the importance of expressing our aro headcanons. Everything she says is absolutely on point, so please let’s give her all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

I guess in some ways my “story” starts out pretty typical. Got older, kept waiting for my First Crush™, never got it, started worrying and trying to force myself to develop crushes. I actually was in a relationship with another girl on a forum I was part of as a teenager, but eventually I realized that I didn’t really like her romantically, and the relationship started to become really unpleasant for me. I eventually felt so miserable that I didn’t even want to talk at her at all, even though we were close friends, but I didn’t want to break up with her - partly because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, partly because we were everyone’s “OTP” and I didn’t want my friends to hate me for ruining that. But eventually I did break up with her, and I’m happy to say she took it with grace and we’re still close friends today! (She’s ace and a great writer/artist herself, too!)

I was part of a very nice LGBTQ+ group as a teenager, but I could never figure out my identity. I felt really ashamed and alone. Whenever I brought up how messed up I felt because I’d never had a crush on anyone, everyone was like, “Oh, sounds like you must be asexual!”, but I knew I wasn’t, and that was the worst part. Even though I knew aromanticism was a thing, nobody ever talked about it. It was only ever in the context of aroaces, so I didn’t know I was aro. I thought I must have had some sort of mental illness or something, but certainly not a legitimate orientation, nothing to be proud of like everyone else.

During that time, I found myself connecting on a deep emotional level to characters like Alphonse Elric, Fujiwara no Sai, the X-Men in general (although I’ve been an X-Men fan since I was literally a baby), basically anyone who was somehow “different” from the rest of humanity, even though I never understood why, since I was a fairly privileged kid who had never experienced much bullying or anything. Weirdly enough, it was Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure that helped me realize I was aro and come to terms with it; I saw an interview with Hirohiko Araki, the author of JJBA, where he was asked what type of girls Jotaro Kujo likes, and replied that he didn’t think Jotaro liked girls. The obvious interpretation would be that Jotaro’s gay, but somehow, one way or another, I decided to go with the idea that Jotaro’s aromantic. Jotaro also happened to be a character I really related to for reasons I couldn’t quite articulate, so around the time I was 18 I put two and two together and was like ... oh shit…

Please click keep reading to continue Alex’s story!

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I’ve always been weird in the way I’m very creative, but tend to kinda bounce around from hobby to hobby. Other people draw, or write, or sing, while I draw for a month, and then write for a month and sew for a week and play video games for a week, and then I draw some more, and then I try out something completely new, and then I write again. I think it must be an ADHD thing, idk. In any case, I’ve just always been really passionate about making stuff, whatever that stuff happens to be.

I’ve also always been very much fandom-oriented. Ever since I was a toddler, I used to dictate fanfiction to my mom (back then it usually involved Winnie the Pooh, the Powerpuff Girls, Godzilla, and my dog). I mostly draw fanart. I find that I’m not really capable of writing original stories, but I’m great at getting fanfics in character, and I love writing them. I love taking stories I already love and reinterpreting them, seeing what it would be like if the characters were put into different situations, etc.

Because of my ADHD, I really struggle with actually finishing things. I try really really hard, I really do, and I’ve been trying to push myself even harder these past few years. I’ve made progress, but it’s still extremely difficult, so I’m very sorry for all the projects I’ve abandoned over the years. Sorry I still haven’t finished the fic that was supposed to be done in early March. I’m trying, really. I promise I’m working on the next chapter of BLaD, too.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

Of course, pretty much everything I write is gen. Even if I include romantic relationships in my fics, I never write about romance, just stories which also happen to include some characters who might be dating someone. And obviously I always write Jotaro as aro! That’s really important to me. No matter which AU I’m writing, he’s always aro. (And autistic, but that’s off topic.)

I’m also not really into shipping because of my romance repulsion, but I ship Joseph Joestar and Caesar Zeppeli. The thing is … I’ve always viewed it as a unique relationship, sort of difficult to define as being strictly romantic or platonic or sexual, just kind of their own thing that defies words. That’s how I’ve always written it. I had the sudden realization recently that this strange view on the only ship I really actually like (at the moment, anyway) is probably due to my being aro, lmao.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

People don’t read gen fics, and people aren’t interested in aro stories. That’s just the way it is. I do have some dedicated readers, whom I love deeply, but in general… I could post something with a deep plot, something funny and dramatic and witty and touching, something I poured my heart and soul into for months, and it’ll get very few hits/comments/kudos, while someone else could post the same generic 2,000-word romance fic everyone’s seen a dozen times over, with no editing or anything, and get twice the amount of traffic my fics do in half the time. It’s really crushing.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

I dunno… The aro community feels so small. Online, I have a small circle of aro mutuals who all kind of vent collectively, and I’m part of Arocalypse and a few aro/aspec Discord servers, but I still feel like there isn’t really much of a larger community to be part of in the same way that there is for other orientations. Offline, I’ve never met another aro, or even anyone who actually knows what aromanticism is prior to me explaining it to them.

I also don’t feel like there’s a very unified “aspec community”. As an allo aro, I feel very rejected by the ace community - not to say that I feel like I should be part of the ace community, since I’m not ace, but I feel like they throw aros under the bus a lot. I mean, we’ve all seen the “asexuals can feel love, just like anybody else! … oh, except for aroaces, I guess. But the rest of us are normal, so you should accept us!” rhetoric. Both within and outside the aspec communities, aros are rarely treated with the same priority as aces, even though we’re arguably in a much more difficult position than your average allo ace.

That being said, I’m glad there is an aro community at all. I don’t know where I’d be now if I were still questioning. Probably not in a very good place.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

As I mentioned, there’s a general lack of interest in gen fics or sympathy for romance-repulsed people in general. It’s really difficult being romance repulsed in fandom spaces, because nobody cares about anything other than ships. There are very few gen fics, and even less that are a decent length, not abandoned, or cater to my specific interests, so I have to write my own. I don’t often have anything good to read; most of the big fics, the ones with cool plots and long word counts and ongoing updates, are ship fics. If I’m lucky, maybe two gen fics will be posted in one week, and maybe one of them will be longer than a few thousand words. Maybe one might even have my favorite characters. But usually genfics are few and far between, and kind of random in terms of what you’ll get. Sometimes I get so bored that I read ship fics anyway, and then I always wind up feeling really awful afterwards.

I’ve written, over the course of the past two years alone, over 20 gen fics. But whenever I vent that sometimes I’d like to actually get to read something, I always get someone telling me, “Well if you want gen fics, write some yourself! You have to make the change! You can’t demand people write stuff for you!” And of course, at the same time it’s totally acceptable to request ship fics from your favorite author, and if you complain that there aren’t enough fics for your rarepair, it’s seen as relatable and totally valid.

Fandom is just … really, really amatonormative, tbh. I hate it. I’m trying to make a difference (I did organize Gen Jojo Week along with my friend Rachel last year, and hopefully will again this year), but there’s only so much I can do.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

Aside from reblogging my art and promoting my fics? Talk about stuff. Talk about aro stuff in fandom. Seriously! I know it seems obvious that aro people would like aro headcanons and gen fics and all that, but we need to talk about them more. Nobody outside the community gives enough of a shit about us to have aro headcanons, so let’s get them popular. Talk about your favorite aro headcanons. Talk about your favorite gen fics. Talk about how such-and-such character is totally aro; talk about how excited you are to see aro characters in fics. My dream is for aro headcanons to become just as common and popular as any other type of headcanon.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

This is old news to most of the people who already know me, but my current big project that I’ve been working on for several years now is Between Life and Death, a drama/horror/supernatural JJBA fic.

(WARNING: PHANTOM BLOOD AND STARDUST CRUSADERS SPOILERS BELOW.)

The plot of the fic is that Dio wins at the end of Stardust Crusaders, and after realizing that he has no hobbies other than harassing the Joestars, he decides to bring Jonathan back by sticking his head (which… we’ll just assume Dio preserved for plot purposes) onto Jotaro’s body. Obviously, Jonathan is NOT happy with this arrangement, but it also turns out that Jotaro’s still alive, just not in control of his body. He can still use his stand, so he essentially uses Star Platinum as a sort of proxy for interacting with the environment around him, even though he only comes out when Jonathan’s alone since he doesn’t want Dio to know he’s alive.

Basically, it’s the story of a depressed vampire and a traumatized ghost. It’s a very introspective fic; most of the story consists of conflicts between Dio and Jonathan, and Jonathan and Jotaro struggling to come to terms with their new existences - Jonathan being unable to reconcile vampirism with his personal morals, and Jotaro having one hell of an identity crisis while also mourning the deaths of his friends and family. The plot is picking up, though, and there is an end goal in mind, as well as an eventual sequel!

As for where the story-in-progress is at right now … well, the next “stage” of the plot is hamon training for Kakyoin and Avdol, which will be fun. This chapter also includes several dream sequences, including an extended appearance by Mary Joestar (Jonathan’s mom), and a very serious and dark scene which I almost ruined by having dream!Will Zeppeli refer to Jonathan as his padawan. Yeah.

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

As mentioned, I’m working on chapter 9 of Between Life and Death! And working on and off on some stuff for the mutants AU. Most recently, on a whim I rewrote the lyrics to Handbeat Clocktower by MOTHY to be about Jonathan Joestar. Somehow this went far enough that I’m making an actual UTAU rendition of this “parody”, and hopefully it’ll be done sometime in the next few weeks. I’m really having fun with it and I hope people like it!