#I could go on but I'll stop rambling lol
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oreo-creampie · 10 months ago
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Does it make u feel bad if your husband is thirsting over the other girl's pussy ? the girl you both are hooking up with
why would I get jealous when I'm thirsty over her pussy too. It's like if he got jealous over me thirsting over other women
For every compliment he gives her, he gets me twice as many. If I call he will drop her like she didn't exist, I am always his top priority in and out of the bedroom
He makes his affections for me more than known. While he fucks them he worships me. I feel like a goddess in his eyes and always has, I'm his whole world, his reason for waking up and going to work in the morning
The basic lust he feels for someone else is always fleeting and will never stand up to the emotional, mental and even physical connection him and I have
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constellationcrowned · 4 months ago
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parroset · 8 months ago
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Incredibly self indulgent but here's Aaravos with a (fitting) Moana quote:
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Based on the theory that his heart was taken from him during his fall.
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ramblesbiab · 6 days ago
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I know it's a tough crowd when criticizing Arcane, but as big of a fan as I am, I kinda wish the Paint the Town Blue montage was replaced with something a bit more informative...? Like obviously you don't need to, and probably shouldn't, tell the audience everything, but a lot of the places that the characters begin Act II at are pretty big jumps without much explanation. Vi just is in the fighting ring. Caitlyn just is with Maddie. Jinx and Isha just have been doing... whatever it is they've been doing. Knowing the brilliance of the writing team, they probably could've added a handful of informative shots to tell the stories, or at least enough for the viewer to have a bit more to work with, in the same time that we saw a lot of admittedly repetitive imagery being painted over in Paint the Town Blue.
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trashcanwithsprinkles · 1 year ago
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I have come up with a question.
Who I'd your favorite Genshin character and why?
By reading your fics I can't tell if it's zhongli or childe.
zhongli by leaps and bounds actually
i do love childe don't get me wrong; i just love zhongli far more
as for why, i wouldn't know how to word it in a way that wouldn't take me any less than writing CN took me LMAO the reason why you might think childe is up there among my favorites (he is, he's just not as close to the top as you might think) i'd assume is probably because of the fics, yes? but the thing about the fics is while i've already mentioned i'm not exactly projecting onto childe nor, god forbid, using him as a self-insert for the author – i am more or less of the opinion that the way childe would love zhongli in a story would more often than not align quite well with the way i myself love zhongli as a character. (which is why i find bgtea's eoos and jouicifer's npc so interesting) so like- the reason why childe is usually the main pov character for my zhongchi fics is because i get to write how much i love zhongli as a concept via the lens of a character who would also love him in a similar fashion; only i also get to spice it up with childe's own character quirks, bc i think he's fascinating as well, just in a different direction. that might be why i've yet to write a zhongli pov zhongchi: not as easy to write about how much i love the character's concept if he himself is the pov, and i feel like zhongli's way of loving childe as a concept wouldn't be able to fill a fic the same way it does the other way around. not that he doesn't love him! i just haven't figured out how to write that pov for that long yet. if you're curious, i'd have to say my current favorites list goes kind of like this: zhongli way ahead of all the others, then wriothesley and neuvillette around the same realm, then navia, then kuki, then baizhu, then childe, and then like- in no particular order, furina, clorinde, diluc, jean, qiqi, xiao, xingqiu, chongyun, beidou, fischl, thoma, ayato, layla, yanfei, yaoyao, dehya, shenhe and most of the others. also to the side there'd be alhaitham, separate from the list, bc i love him but i also detest him in a particular way. i guess pity him is a better word, watching how the fandom treats him feels like taking physical dmg. if you're thinking of a particular artist like an outlier you're probably wrong, but i'm not going to point fingers bc why would i do that. (i do have a handful of characters i dislike but in the spirit of not being an asshole i'm just not going to list them)
anyway- yeah that's pretty much it;; maybe one day i'll make a zhongli pov zhongchi and it'd be a bit clearer what i mean by that, but you know me, i don't control the inspiration ToT
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phoenix-flamed · 11 months ago
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Me, fondly remembering my playthroughs of FFVII, VIII, IX, X, X-2, and XII: I don't need more blogs I don't need more blogs I don't need more blogs I do --
Though if I did RP as anyone, it'd hands-down be Beatrix from IX.
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cake-chad · 6 months ago
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Best bastard in all of avantris?
Oh my god, this is such a tough question!!
Since I've essentially barely touched (or not at all yet) the other campaigns, I'm basing this entirely off of Once Upon A Witchlight. I like all of the characters for many different reasons, but one thing I love about all of them, is how quick witted they are. Like more than 5 minutes without someone at the table laughing? Unheard of. These people know how to make each other laugh and I love them for that, and in turn it makes for such enjoyable characters, like I can't think of any one thing about any of these characters that I actively dislike at the moment.
That said, I'm pretty torn between my favourite being Gideon or Torbek 😅 Gideon because the hijinks he winds up in (often to only partial fault of his own), plus I'm a sucker for big bearded characters with a sick ass fighting style, and of course Mace's charm that shows through Gideon (that LAUGH). Also those chains??? Honestly didn't even know about them for a few episodes, cause they weren't really referenced until his performance at the big top and I hadn't really thought about them when I saw the official character art, but I'm absolutely OBSESSED with his backstory and how he uses them to fight now.
and then Torbek cause he's such a sad, traumatized little guy that I want to wrap in a blanket, every time they start to talk about what he went through and he just wants to shut down and not think about it? Protect this guy at all costs. Plus Andy is a smart guy playing a dumb character and it makes for some absolutely hilarious instances, and I absolutely adore his character voice, his manner of speaking and inflection is so great.
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it's like. everything happens so much. it's all happening right now but at the same time nothing is happening whatsoever. it's a liminal space of an existence. it's slowly crushing me under the weight but when I look up there's nothing actually bearing down on me. there shouldn't be any weight. something is wrong but nothing has happened. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly bored. nothing is happening and maybe that's the everything that's happening. maybe the everything is the nothing. we aren't there yet but it's all so imminent. either everything is going to crash down or nothing is. I'm just waiting to figure out which.
#I refuse to be upset at anyone. I have so much love in my heart#but I'm going to pack formal clothes for my sister in my own bag just in case. she doesn't need to know that.#you couldn't pay me to care or to stop caring. it's cognitive dissonance#because I know this won't always affect me but it's my whole world right now#I say I don't care and I mean it but at the same time I care more than anything else#it's actually almost scary how much I relate to dark alley#not in a ''I'm in a mentally dark or dangerous place'' way but in a ''yeah I compare myself to others too much'' way#and then I try to make excuses so it can make sense to other people so they won't think the worst of me#like literally I'm trying not to think about fall but it's right around the corner and I'm. falling into it I guess#pun intended of course. I don't want to lose all my friends#I want to be one of the kids who gets invited to people's houses for lunch after church and I know I never will be#because that's the kind of thing that's only for the kids who are going someplace. not the ones who stay#I'm feeling very selfish and it's probably bc I'm tired lol this happens sometimes#I'm gonna make dinner for my family and then I'll feel better skskskskk#Lu rambles#sometimes I think I could write poetry#I feel like once my vacation is actually imminent I'll feel better I just haaate the point we're at right now#which is like. it's SOON but not THAT SOON so I feel like I can't do anything bc I'm just waiting for things to get going :/
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minhmynchi · 17 days ago
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its 4 am and well, im not doomscrolling but i have thoughts lol... i should turn them off and go back to sleep
#minhmy rambles#for the record right now im completely fine like. im not gonna let this stupid orange stop me#thankfully im relatively safe in my state and im so so glad for it but y'know. you never know#but yesterday i was busy w work and also loads of other things like Being Sick so didn't have the mental fortitude to keep up w everything#and i think its helped me like. im not gonna dwell on it. i shouldn't. yeah things Suck but id rather live my life day by day and Not/#self-destruct over it. and this is just me as well. ik everyone else is freaking out and you all have a right to. i just have to keep going#like its not me trying to be callous or y'know high and mighty for feeling better over it than others i don't wanna come off like that but.#i just feel safe here in hawaii things obvs still suck like i said and things can get worse esp for us but i feel safe here ill be ok#and i worry for my friends and everyone whose lives are impacted way more strongly than me and have a lot to worry about#like it could just be me being ignorant. or whatever. but i know everything is bad i just can't let it affect me rn#me rambling as if someones gonna read this and judge me so harshly...!!!#but its just the truth. im sad for everyone but i can keep going and so should you. i have so much to live for and if the only reason you/#have now is spite then you should do it. hey maybe someone will successfully kill the guy. instead of missing. but once these 4 years/#of hell are over we won't have him again. it might be even worse then#like in terms of presidential canididates. i know this. but its okay itll be okay#and i cant ask that ppl will adopt the same attitude as me lol i know im an outlier for sure but. its gonna be okay regardless#ill be okay despite being afab poc and Also autistic (ig i shouldn't look to getting a diagnosis yet which sucks..) but i'll Be Okay#and i hope everyone else will be too; in time.
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storfulsten · 1 year ago
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lol did I just lose 3 followers for mentioning a cool new song? ok
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hauntedhopeghost · 2 months ago
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been debating on what to say for longer than i've expected, going anon for this ( although i mayyy suspect you may already know who i am just by my writing style but- welp! xd ) ; if i say anything even remotely wrong, you are free to ignore this ask /gen
you're enough. i think one big step is learning you don't have to be enough for everyone else because it's impossible to do that. you can't please everyone, you can't not please everyone aswell ; 8 billion people in the world, it's almost destiny that atleast 100 of them will be bothered by your existence, and other 100 will not.
although, it's okay to feel that way. it's okay to feel like you have to please everyone, to feel like you have to make everyone happy, to feel worthless if that's not the case. it's okay and you're allowed to feel that way. you are not to blame for feelings that you cannot control.
i won't say i understand, but as a fellow people-pleaser, i can say that i can atleast get the feeling. and i want you to know that it's okay. feel free to open up, to be vulnerable, to cry, to feel worthless, to feel like you're not good enough, to feel like your entire existence is entitled to only making people happy - you're allowed to feel all of those things and more. that's okay.
embrace those feelings instead of shoving them away, be kind to yourself by allowing yourself to just feel. it's okay.
it's so easy to just say you're worth, but you're not gonna believe me if i say you are. so i ask you to say those things to yourself instead, and the multiple times you feel like that's just luck, or you're being a fraud ; that's when you know you're doing great. that's when you know you are worth much more than what that voice in your head tells you.
your worth as someone is much more than what your acchievements tells you ; accept yourself as someone who is allowed to feel, to mess up, to regret, to cry, to be successful, to be kind to oneself, to feel and be all of those things and more.
that can be quite hard to do, but look how far you've gotten. you're still here, aren't you? easier said than done, i know. and it won't get easy, not even one bit - but, and i mean it genuinely : you got this. you genuinely got this.
not sure what to say anymore, so i'm just gonna say that i'm here if you wanna talk. my dms are open for you , and i will be there to give my support to you just as much as i can.
<- sincerely, a moot.
...
hey. thanks. /gen
I'm surprised that you even bothered to write out the message. it's odd because I had a weird thought of "they'll just ignore it"/"I want someone to notice this."
I'm still here. Yeah. That is something.
(Holy shit you made me cry with this /gen /pos)
I think I've grown relatively desensitized to people caring about me (not because of them, but because I've truly forgotten what it's like to have someone actually comfort you, especially when said person barely knows you.) but I seriously, seriously appreciate people (like you!) that bother to send me messages like this.
it does help make things better. like- seriously.
(still somewhat in shock because why would anyone care about how I'm doing and take time out of their day to write or do anything for my sake?) but I want to say this did make me feel a lot better. not okay, but a lot better. /gen /pos
be kind to yourself. now hang on a minute didn't I write something literally about this-
oh. i guess i'm just not taking my own advice.
#ghost's smol ask box#ghost vents to the void#for the record: yeah. i do know who you are. most likely.#and i want to thank you. i know i did but thank you. thank you.#my blog is currently titled as “imposter syndrome. stop coming in uninvited.” and it sums it up pretty well#it would be so easy to just tell someone to stop. like snap your fingers and suddenly you can internalize the fact that#you are enough and you deserve everything#but it isn't as easy as just saying it to someone#it's so easy to judge people who have a depleted sense of self-worth from an outsiders perspective#and go: “psh- why is this person bending over backwards to please everyone? they are clearly good enough.”#“all of the validation they could ever get is right there in front of them." (even if it's more complicated than that)#*cough cough*#i might not just be talking about me here. there's a certain someone who this also may or may not apply to (try and guess who)#problem is: even if the whole world tells you that you're good <- highly unlikely you'll still see yourself#as undeserving and worthless and everything inbetween#validation/approval addiction is very much a thing and even at the end of the day you KNOW you can't please everybody#you still try even though it's a lose-lose situation at the end.#oopsies i turned this into rambling lol currently trying to get back to writing on ao3 but i'm contemplating deleting all the things#people might not like or might be sick of.#...OH NO-#did the new episode teach me NOTHING 😭#but i'm being serious. this takes so long to try and untangle. especially when your entire life feels like to please people for your worth#maybe i'll write something about it. idk.#it's really hard to be kind to yourself. but I'm trying. /gen#i wish younger me can hear this. they seriously need this.
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gachaparadise · 7 months ago
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*head in hands* why is it every time i'm randomly like yeah i'll get back into AK it's time for a sad goat time.
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arolesbianism · 8 months ago
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Hm. I am getting the distinct feeling that either revanced broke or some apps are doing smth real shitty
#rat rambles#anyways guess who's youtube completely stopped working#It's fine I can watch on browser but it's still very annoying#And the tumblr thing is even more annoying hense why I've been like completely off of tumblr recently#Maybe the universe is telling me to take an Internet break but like I have just been starting to feel a bit better#My family got a new dog the other day btw not relevant to the rest of this post but her name is karla and she's a very anxious doggy#I'm just waiting for laundry rn so that's why I'm posting at all lol#Might have to switch to posting from my laptop soon if things don't get unfucked#Which wouldnt be the end of the world but sure as hell would be annoying#Idk maybe it'll motivate me to finally make a proper blog theme#Idk what Id do for a blog theme tho tbh#An oni theme would be rly fun but it would also probably age poorly (as in the second I get into smth new)#So maybe an oc theme?#That could be fun#Not sure what characters Id use but maybe mascot and/or midas#Idk but chances of me actually doing it anytime soon are slim#Rly if I'm gonna customize anything more it's gonna be my toyhouse page#Oh also good news I'm going to do a pet sitting job for my aunt and uncle at some point#It'll be like 3 weeks I think and I'll be getting paid 700 buckeroos if I'm remembering correctly#I already have a lot of thoughts of how I'm going to spend it even if I should probably try to save at least some of it#There's just a lot of ppl who could use that money more and better than me and I don't wanna be stingy during times like this#I have also might buy like a new game since I've been interested in playing smth new#There has been one game I've been eyeing for a while and I have a mutual who likes it a lot but idk if I'm ready for new blorbos yet#But oldie or whatever her name was calls to me. She tempts me so#I'm open to other game recommendations tho just know that I'm gonna be picky on more story heavy games#Again I'm not exactly on the hunt for new blorbos rn and getting new story hyperfixations is scary to me lol
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starcchild · 2 years ago
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((question: I realize I can make carterio canon for Carter's main verse as well as the ikau by saying she and Quentin were together while she was in college, but then they broke up pre-aou or just after. Do y'all think that could be something that'd work or just leave it as an alt-main during iw/eg?
#ground control (ooc)#((I'm at a stall with the rewrite rn because I'm weighing out some ideas I've had before but either got rid of (for some reason)#or placing more importance to (like including her lessons with music and art when she was younger)#and I'm trying to figure out a way to make a summarized version since I feel like I'm getting too detailed#but after that is where I'm debating on if I should leave as is or make some changes#and I feel like it could work with carterio - though I'd make adjustments according to his character#and I'd probably finally watch ffh again to get a better feel lol#but I figured I'd ask since I'm on the fence about this and don't really have a strong feeling either way#so other opinions would help! and again I'd make adjustments to the situation if I go this way although it's still gonna be toxic#because Quentin is a toxic person imo - he's absolutely interesting as a character and I love that he's a diva lol#but also because there's nothing wrong with writing characters who are terrible people and stay terrible - like Obadiah#but also it's fun exploring other ideas like that one anon had for the ikau au of carterio!#plus it'd actually give Carter more incentive to not say anything about their relationship to Tony#since I'm sure Quentin would've also dated her then to try and increase his chances getting a job at SI#and she wouldn't want to ruin that/take away that chance from him despite him hurting her#I will say I actually might go with them dating in college in the ikau before breaking up and then getting back together like I have now#but anyway - I'm gonna stop rambling bc I know there's a tag limit dsfghkjdfshj#I'll sleep on it and think about it a bit more - but I'd love y'all's two cents!))
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solarwoniii · 1 year ago
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" ˋ꒰ pinky promise ꒱ " - ft. choi seungcheol
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[ nsfw post! minors please do not interact. there are many other posts on my and other’s blogs which are much more suitable for your consumption! ]
syn. nothing gets to cheol like a pinky promise
a/n. OMG SECOND FIC IN THE LAST MONTH??? SORLAWONI LOOK AT YOU GO???? gusy i love seugncheol i wanted to write more of this but it was getting too long so i cut out the part where seungcheol jr comes in and i put it in another fic LOL
cw. fingering, orgasm denial, vvv teasing dom!cheol, vvv subby!reader, daddy kink, praise, petnames (princess), ermm i think thats it but lmk if i missed anything!
wc. 0.8k
"b-but you promised i could cum-" you mindlessly rambled into your sleeve, your body twitching with pleasure all over as seungcheol rammed his three thick digits in and out of you rapidly, having you choking on your own breath as you struggled for air, "a-after i took my p-punishment..!"
he only scoffed in response to your choked out reasoning, his ruthless movements clearly showing no sign of stopping, "oh, and remind me what you promised me, princess?"
you felt tears pricking at your eyes, your cheeks heating up from bashfulness as he slowed his movements, now curling his fingers up into your core, edging you for what felt like the millionth time tonight.
with his other hand he grabbed your chin between his two fingers, looking into your eyes, "i asked you a question."
you sniffled through the flooding tears which grooved along your pink waterline, "i-i promised i would s-stop being a brat..." you whimpered softly.
"hmm, that's right." seungcheol responded in his deep, earthy voice, "it doesn't feel nice when someone doesn't keep their promise to you, does it princess?"
you shook your head and bit your bottom lip, "n-no daddy.." you said, voice coming in sharp shards as his thumb came up to rub at your clit, sending shockwaves of bliss through your veins. you blinked hard at some tears as they rolled down your cheeks, "i'm s-sorry..."
"awh, you're sorry?" he pouted mockingly in response to you, but with your fuzzy head now, you really couldn't tell that he was ridiculing you.
you nodded your head quickly, the tears in your eyes webbing into your lashes, "i'll b-be a good girl... p-pinky promise..!" you babbled, your words only slurring together as your fogged up brain seemed to fall into another level of dumbness.
seungcheol only chuckled lowly at this, "pinky promise?" he repeated, clearly amused at just how fucked out he had gotten you, to the point that you were beginning to lose your own mind. "well, there's no arguing with that, is there princess?" he teased at you, his fingers seemed to suddenly speed up in fluidity.
your mouth only fell agape, eyes rolling back and head lulling to the side as your back arched off of the mattress at the feeling. his thick, long digits filling you all the way to the brim, his fingertips rubbing over your hilt in a way so pleasureful, you could see stars in your blurry vision. your hand gripped tightly onto his shirt as you looked up at him, your eyes glistening with tears as the moonlight from the window nearby shone in on your pretty little convulsing figure on the bed.
"d-daddy, c-an i-?" the rest of the sentence caught in your throat as you looked up at him with pleading eyes.
usually, he'd use this opportunity to tease you into a farther away dimension of overstimulations, asking the annoying questions like, 'can you what, princess?' so that he could watch your quiver and writhe until you were sobbing into the satin of your pillowcase, begging for your climax like a helpless little damsel.
but you'd been punished by a fair amount tonight, and he was feeling generous. he kissed your forehead gently and nodded his head, "let go for me, princess."
and let go you did, gushing around his fingers, a choked cry leaving you as your entire body trembled with delectation, your eyes shutting tightly as tears escaped down your temples. your soft, yet sharp whimpers made him smirk as you held tightly onto him, as if he were all you knew.
"that's it princess... good girl," he murmured as he leaned in to kiss you. he pulled out his digits, rubbing them over your sensitive heat in gentle circles to help ride you out as you came down from your high, panting heavily against the feel of his mouth.
once you had soothed, he looked down at you with a warning stare, "this is the last time i'm letting you get away with it, okay? if you misbehave again... you're in trouble."
that was what he had told you last time. and the time before that. and the time before that. every time, he'd bent. his soft spot for you was just too deep for his own good. the both of you knew that his threats meant nothing, but you looked up at him innocently and batted your eyelashes anyway, nodding your head.
he sighed softly and kissed your cheek, "you're gonna be the death of me one day..." he muttered, closing his eyes for a brief moment, before looking back to you, "come on, let's get cleaned up. i'll cook dinner."
taglist. @hunbun07 @metalchick529 @chewryy @haesunflower @iraa567 @jwchn @bunhoons !
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mintmatcha · 1 year ago
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cw: a weird vent piece lol, suicide mention, no quirks au, mentally ill reader
You always fuck with your shirt on. You'd wear more, if you could, but you haven't figured out how to do it with your pants on yet.
You pull the sheets over your sweat chilled legs and hope he didn't notice the spots you missed shaving. If he did, Natsuo doesn't seem to mind. His arm is tucked under your head, muscle fibers occasionally twitching underneath you and turning the soft mass dense.
Sometimes, Natsuo keeps his shirt on too. Neither of you have ever asked the other about it; there's a mutual understanding when a hand is stopped.
"Do you work tonight?" he asks.
You shake your head as his body relaxes deeper into the mattress.
"I'm gonna do laundry if you want to throw your stuff in," he mumbles, "I'll get you junk to sleep in."
The medical textbooks he was studying are still on the floor, flipped to random pages of different cycles and tissues, abandoned in exchange for you. If Natsuo fails his midterms, it'll be your fault. If he passes, he'll be leaving the city next semester for his hospital rotations.
Part of you wants him to fail. It's that dirty, evil part that no one else seems to have, the part you try to starve, but it keeps growing anyway. It nips at you whenever the room gets too quiet.
It's teeth are extra sharp today.
"You're so sweet." You speak into his skin, "I don't know how you're still single."
A sharp inhale is sucked through his teeth, cutting through his smile. Natsuo takes in all of your features and you know he's wondering why you're saying these things-- why you're purposefully bringing this up.
"Well, sweetie-" His tone is light, like he's avoiding stepping on glass, stepping on glass. With every word, he walks his fingers on your arm, spanning from elbow to shoulder, "I'm only single because you keep turning me down."
The overhead fan whizzes. The part you try to starve sinks its teeth into your chest.
"Natsuo, we've talked about this," you say, "I don't date."
You sit up and swing a leg over him, straddling his hips. A trail of white hair runs down his stomach and down under the sheets, disappearing where the two of you meet. He holds you by the hem of your tee, just tight enough to hold you in place.
"Would it be so bad?" he whispers.
"Here's what would happen, alright?" You brush your fingers through his sweat touched hair and it bounces right back into place the second you pull away. It makes you giggle a bit and he mirrors you, an unsure, foolish optimism in his eyes, "Let's just say I met this wonderful, beautiful boy and tricked-"
"Tricked?" he scoffs.
"Tricked him into loving me." You want to kiss him, but it feels cruel for both of you. Instead, you just cup his jaw in your hands and cradle him, letting the weight of him slump into your palms, "He'd treat me right and bring me home to meet his parents, 'cause he was raised right and, even though he's really smart, he'd think he's in love."
Fingers squeeze at your hips.
"But the second I left, his parents would tell him that he deserves someone prettier and smarter and, and, and better," you say, "And they'd be right."
“My mom’s nice," He drops your pretense with a whisper, ruining your not so careful charade. “She wouldn’t say that.”
He doesn’t mention his dad. There’s a silent sentence there. One that says, “But he might.” It’s hard to keep your brain from sticking to that point, from sticking your thumb into this metaphorical soft spot.
“I mean, she wouldn’t say it out loud, but she’d think it," you say, “She’d sit there and think ‘that girl's not good enough for my son' and she'd be right."
He scoff he lets out is uneasy, almost a songed laugh, more pained than annoyed. "My mom is nice."
This conversation is hurting him, but you can't stop yourself.
"And they'd tell you to break up with me, but you wouldn't listen to them, 'cause you're head strong like that. You'd probably date me in spite of them for while," you ramble, "But then you'd go away and you'd meet some pretty, normal girl and you'd realize they were right. They were always right. I was right."
The overhead fan whizzes.
"So, it's better if I just don't date at all,"
Natsuo's grip dissolves and you think you see it then - the moment whatever is between you dies. A hollowness passes over his features, empty eyes and sucked cheeks, as he ducks his head down to rest his face against your chest. Chin against the soft of your tits, he seems farther away than ever.
You could gloat. You could cry. You're a self-fulfilling prophecy once again.
Natsuo sighs and his words slip so easily from him that you almost don't process what he's saying. "You're so sad. I wish you'd get help."
That catches you off guard. The control over this conversation is ripped away, your curtain drops, and you suddenly feel very, horribly seen.
"What?" You try to laugh it off, leaning back to escape the way he watches you.
"Sometimes I wake up and you're not here," he says, "And I worry that's the last time I'll ever see you."
You understand the implication.
"I'm not gonna kill myself." It might be the truth, you think.
"Yeah," His arms wrap around your waist again, snaking the air from your lungs, "Touya promised me that too."
Touya is only ever mentioned over too many beers and tears you're not allowed to remember the next morning. He was only 16, only a couple years older than Natsuo, but the ghosts still linger to this day, always tucked into the back of the room, stalking, haunting.
Natsuo comes from money and fame. His apartment is paid for by his father. He's never had to work to afford food. At first, you resented him for that; you wanted that ease and safety his family afforded him.
But everything comes at a cost. Every unhappy family is unhappy in there own ways.
"I'm sorry that you keep loving things that break." That is the truth. You're just the end of a line of his mistakes, starting all the way at mom and dad and trailing through every girlfriend ever since.
"I do love you. And it's not despite the fact you're 'broken'," Natsuo takes your hand with a resounding firmness. It reminds you of that thing they say about golden retrievers; the smart ones can hold an egg in their jaws without shattering the shell. Natsuo holds you like he understands you in some deep, intrinsic way, "Or because of it or whatever."
He doesn't look away, those bright, wide eyes bluer than ever.
"I just like all your little pieces." He kisses your knuckles one by one, trailing from thumb to pinkie to thumb again.
The room is silent. The bad part of you is no longer begging to eat. Maybe it's full for now, but you know it's just out of focus, stalking in the dark, biding its time.
"You should study." You slip from him and reclaim your own space in the bed. After a long, simple pause, Natsuo gets up himself, collecting his boxers from the floor.
"Yeah," he says, "You're right."
The hurt you've caused is no longer comfortable to live in. Your mouth is dry, thirsty for a change you're not sure how to make. Recovery feels like a big leap-- loving and being loved feels every farther away.
All you can do is shuffle your feet against the sheets and take the tiniest step towards normalcy.
"Do you want to get brunch tomorrow before your classes?" you offer your olive branch, your silent promise, "I'll pay."
He weighs this, measuring it for sincerity, then smiles just wide enough your get a glimpse of teeth.
"Let me get you something to sleep in."
For now, it's enough.
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