#I could go on but I'll stop rambling lol
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Does it make u feel bad if your husband is thirsting over the other girl's pussy ? the girl you both are hooking up with
why would I get jealous when I'm thirsty over her pussy too. It's like if he got jealous over me thirsting over other women
For every compliment he gives her, he gets me twice as many. If I call he will drop her like she didn't exist, I am always his top priority in and out of the bedroom
He makes his affections for me more than known. While he fucks them he worships me. I feel like a goddess in his eyes and always has, I'm his whole world, his reason for waking up and going to work in the morning
The basic lust he feels for someone else is always fleeting and will never stand up to the emotional, mental and even physical connection him and I have
#fey’s rambles#he has also told me being inside someone else reminds him how much better I am#so nah not really worried#even his buddies will tell#me about them checking out women together and he will say “my girl is hotter” because I'm his standard for the most beautiful woman he#could ever find#this morning he was so sweet told me no other women could make him loose his train of thought and go blank with just by existing cause he#gets overwhelmed by his love and admiration for how beautiful he finds me for me that he forgets what he is saying#I could go on but I'll stop rambling lol
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Incredibly self indulgent but here's Aaravos with a (fitting) Moana quote:
Based on the theory that his heart was taken from him during his fall.
#tw: blood#aaravos#my art#i could go on and on about Moana and TDP with Aaravos specifically#Aaravos is Te Kā and enraged because his literal heart was taken from him and he can only inflict pain#where once he shared life#he is also Maui being a demigod who was once worshipped and revered but is now hated for one of his failed gifts to humanity#but also Tamatoa with his shiny exterior and overall trickiness/manipulation#I'll stop rambling now lol
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#I saw this meme going around on tw/itter and knew I had to make one#;;ooc: about the mun#the crown of leaves#tcol#seriously my love for tcol is so immense and if you've ever endured my hours long rambling sessions and whatnot know that I appreciate you#even now I'm having to stop myself from gushing to an extreme amount in the tags XDD I'll save it for discord and etc#no muse tag for this though (although I could) lol
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I know it's a tough crowd when criticizing Arcane, but as big of a fan as I am, I kinda wish the Paint the Town Blue montage was replaced with something a bit more informative...? Like obviously you don't need to, and probably shouldn't, tell the audience everything, but a lot of the places that the characters begin Act II at are pretty big jumps without much explanation. Vi just is in the fighting ring. Caitlyn just is with Maddie. Jinx and Isha just have been doing... whatever it is they've been doing. Knowing the brilliance of the writing team, they probably could've added a handful of informative shots to tell the stories, or at least enough for the viewer to have a bit more to work with, in the same time that we saw a lot of admittedly repetitive imagery being painted over in Paint the Town Blue.
#ramble#arcane#arcane s2#arcane s2 spoilers#I could just be completely wrong#lol#but that's just my take#there's show don't tell#and then there's this#where it's so show#that it's hard to tell what's going on#at least at some points#I watch this show with my dad#and he was pretty lost#he's probably not the target audience?#but still#anyway#I'll stop rambling now
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Finalized!GX 122-123 Update:
Our food's important, so no stealin' allowed! 🍞♥
#yugioh#yugioh gx#gx#ygo gx#subbing rambling#going to do a bigger post compiling all these edits when i release the episodes but wanted to show some of it off lol#[and probably a video too]#madman as i am--and love for this show that i have like an ojama--i wanted to give these posters a translation edit#for... all 26 scenes they're in 😳#ofc i'd already done four of them while prepping 121 since they show up in the preview/Just After This clip#it's been fun getting some more AfterEffects use and applying it to this along with Vegas#also extra fun since there isn't a shot where either poster gets a full frontal shot so i've been doing this with partial edits#where i redid custom posters using what i had available and then power-pin them into place in AE#but oh boy was that Premature Burial scene edit fuuuun 🙃#or at least at first--made a proxy thinking i'd have to throw one in but turns out just masking the upper left corner and moving that;#keyframing brightness; masking in shapes for the little squiggles that show on it for a bit; masking in lines to redo the glow lines#and throwing a green screen'd layer made it simpler lol#i just did the Megamorph scene--did what I could with AE's scale motion tracking for the zoom-out that happens so I took two frames#(one for the initial rapid zoom-out and one once the zoom stops)#and just redid the zoom in Vegas with them which was easier#that leaves nine more clips before i work on a couple smaller animation errors i noticed--along with one to strap in for#[burstlady's shoulder strap happened again]#anywho stay tuned lol#[also have been amused with how 4Kids blanked these in some shots which i'll probably point out for funsies in that eventual post]
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I have come up with a question.
Who I'd your favorite Genshin character and why?
By reading your fics I can't tell if it's zhongli or childe.
zhongli by leaps and bounds actually
i do love childe don't get me wrong; i just love zhongli far more
as for why, i wouldn't know how to word it in a way that wouldn't take me any less than writing CN took me LMAO the reason why you might think childe is up there among my favorites (he is, he's just not as close to the top as you might think) i'd assume is probably because of the fics, yes? but the thing about the fics is while i've already mentioned i'm not exactly projecting onto childe nor, god forbid, using him as a self-insert for the author – i am more or less of the opinion that the way childe would love zhongli in a story would more often than not align quite well with the way i myself love zhongli as a character. (which is why i find bgtea's eoos and jouicifer's npc so interesting) so like- the reason why childe is usually the main pov character for my zhongchi fics is because i get to write how much i love zhongli as a concept via the lens of a character who would also love him in a similar fashion; only i also get to spice it up with childe's own character quirks, bc i think he's fascinating as well, just in a different direction. that might be why i've yet to write a zhongli pov zhongchi: not as easy to write about how much i love the character's concept if he himself is the pov, and i feel like zhongli's way of loving childe as a concept wouldn't be able to fill a fic the same way it does the other way around. not that he doesn't love him! i just haven't figured out how to write that pov for that long yet. if you're curious, i'd have to say my current favorites list goes kind of like this: zhongli way ahead of all the others, then wriothesley and neuvillette around the same realm, then navia, then kuki, then baizhu, then childe, and then like- in no particular order, furina, clorinde, diluc, jean, qiqi, xiao, xingqiu, chongyun, beidou, fischl, thoma, ayato, layla, yanfei, yaoyao, dehya, shenhe and most of the others. also to the side there'd be alhaitham, separate from the list, bc i love him but i also detest him in a particular way. i guess pity him is a better word, watching how the fandom treats him feels like taking physical dmg. if you're thinking of a particular artist like an outlier you're probably wrong, but i'm not going to point fingers bc why would i do that. (i do have a handful of characters i dislike but in the spirit of not being an asshole i'm just not going to list them)
anyway- yeah that's pretty much it;; maybe one day i'll make a zhongli pov zhongchi and it'd be a bit clearer what i mean by that, but you know me, i don't control the inspiration ToT
#sorry this was such a long meandering answer lmao i just genuinely cannot articulate it without taking up actual hours#nor do i have the mental capacity to do it rn#anyway#thank you!!#ily <3#if you've read every good intention you might know what i mean by my odd relationship towards alhaitham#you might also know i don't read kavetham fics precisely bc i dislike the fandom's take on the entire ship – not the ship as a concept#so yeah#i've actually read far more zhongtham than i have kavetham/haikaveh and that's when you know i have read no kavetham#there's only like 40smth zhongtham works and half of them are lemon#i'm not saying there's no kavetham out there that i could like; i'm just saying i don't have the time nor the need to go pick and choose#like i like the ship but not that much#i'd much rather read wriolette and clorivia#god those are such good ships holy shit i love them so much#i'm rambling i'll stop now lol
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Best bastard in all of avantris?
Oh my god, this is such a tough question!!
Since I've essentially barely touched (or not at all yet) the other campaigns, I'm basing this entirely off of Once Upon A Witchlight. I like all of the characters for many different reasons, but one thing I love about all of them, is how quick witted they are. Like more than 5 minutes without someone at the table laughing? Unheard of. These people know how to make each other laugh and I love them for that, and in turn it makes for such enjoyable characters, like I can't think of any one thing about any of these characters that I actively dislike at the moment.
That said, I'm pretty torn between my favourite being Gideon or Torbek 😅 Gideon because the hijinks he winds up in (often to only partial fault of his own), plus I'm a sucker for big bearded characters with a sick ass fighting style, and of course Mace's charm that shows through Gideon (that LAUGH). Also those chains??? Honestly didn't even know about them for a few episodes, cause they weren't really referenced until his performance at the big top and I hadn't really thought about them when I saw the official character art, but I'm absolutely OBSESSED with his backstory and how he uses them to fight now.
and then Torbek cause he's such a sad, traumatized little guy that I want to wrap in a blanket, every time they start to talk about what he went through and he just wants to shut down and not think about it? Protect this guy at all costs. Plus Andy is a smart guy playing a dumb character and it makes for some absolutely hilarious instances, and I absolutely adore his character voice, his manner of speaking and inflection is so great.
#tk speaks#thanks for the ask~!#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#I feel like I could ramble for hours if given the permission lmao#and I'm only like?? idk a bit more than half way through#i'm somewhere in the 30's i think#but fuck i love me some characters with a traumatic backstory who have come through it stronger and kinder#like gideon fighting with the chains that once held him in slavery???#Torbek made to be quite a formidable fighter in a way but he doesn't want to hurt anyone??#*wraps them both in blankets and gives them a kiss on the head*#I'm avoiding story spoilers for now but i'm so excited to delve into the fan art when I'm caught up#and I'm so pleased I remembered I have a way to download episodes so I can watch while working#i have some absolutely stupid long work days of 12-16 hours and if everything is going fine then majority of that time i'm alone#so that's how i've been absolutely ripping through episodes#currently procrastinating going to bed because that means i have to get up and go to work again sooner lol#OK I'll stop now; but thank you for the ask!!!
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it's like. everything happens so much. it's all happening right now but at the same time nothing is happening whatsoever. it's a liminal space of an existence. it's slowly crushing me under the weight but when I look up there's nothing actually bearing down on me. there shouldn't be any weight. something is wrong but nothing has happened. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly bored. nothing is happening and maybe that's the everything that's happening. maybe the everything is the nothing. we aren't there yet but it's all so imminent. either everything is going to crash down or nothing is. I'm just waiting to figure out which.
#I refuse to be upset at anyone. I have so much love in my heart#but I'm going to pack formal clothes for my sister in my own bag just in case. she doesn't need to know that.#you couldn't pay me to care or to stop caring. it's cognitive dissonance#because I know this won't always affect me but it's my whole world right now#I say I don't care and I mean it but at the same time I care more than anything else#it's actually almost scary how much I relate to dark alley#not in a ''I'm in a mentally dark or dangerous place'' way but in a ''yeah I compare myself to others too much'' way#and then I try to make excuses so it can make sense to other people so they won't think the worst of me#like literally I'm trying not to think about fall but it's right around the corner and I'm. falling into it I guess#pun intended of course. I don't want to lose all my friends#I want to be one of the kids who gets invited to people's houses for lunch after church and I know I never will be#because that's the kind of thing that's only for the kids who are going someplace. not the ones who stay#I'm feeling very selfish and it's probably bc I'm tired lol this happens sometimes#I'm gonna make dinner for my family and then I'll feel better skskskskk#Lu rambles#sometimes I think I could write poetry#I feel like once my vacation is actually imminent I'll feel better I just haaate the point we're at right now#which is like. it's SOON but not THAT SOON so I feel like I can't do anything bc I'm just waiting for things to get going :/
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lol did I just lose 3 followers for mentioning a cool new song? ok
#I've lost followers for less tbh so eh#it's fine lol#hope you'll find what you're looking for elsewhere best of luck to you#honestly thought more people would've left by now with how I can't focus and just draw the darn bombeep they probably follow me for#trust me I want to they're still my fav bois and I wanna do way more stuff with them#but atm idk it's just#sneaky corpse brainworm effin shit up oops#but nws hopefully it can be redirected in a productive direction somehow like towards whitty or something#with the voice headcanons and all that some sort of vibes should be able to be projected somehow maybe idk lol#mmm tbh I wish so bad I could animate or do animatics properly bc I have ideas#bombeep ideas#in relation to bits of various letsplay audio that could be made to work out of context somehow I'm sure ha#anyways it is what it is I'll stop rambling and go get some proper sleep now ok cool#laters bye
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been debating on what to say for longer than i've expected, going anon for this ( although i mayyy suspect you may already know who i am just by my writing style but- welp! xd ) ; if i say anything even remotely wrong, you are free to ignore this ask /gen
you're enough. i think one big step is learning you don't have to be enough for everyone else because it's impossible to do that. you can't please everyone, you can't not please everyone aswell ; 8 billion people in the world, it's almost destiny that atleast 100 of them will be bothered by your existence, and other 100 will not.
although, it's okay to feel that way. it's okay to feel like you have to please everyone, to feel like you have to make everyone happy, to feel worthless if that's not the case. it's okay and you're allowed to feel that way. you are not to blame for feelings that you cannot control.
i won't say i understand, but as a fellow people-pleaser, i can say that i can atleast get the feeling. and i want you to know that it's okay. feel free to open up, to be vulnerable, to cry, to feel worthless, to feel like you're not good enough, to feel like your entire existence is entitled to only making people happy - you're allowed to feel all of those things and more. that's okay.
embrace those feelings instead of shoving them away, be kind to yourself by allowing yourself to just feel. it's okay.
it's so easy to just say you're worth, but you're not gonna believe me if i say you are. so i ask you to say those things to yourself instead, and the multiple times you feel like that's just luck, or you're being a fraud ; that's when you know you're doing great. that's when you know you are worth much more than what that voice in your head tells you.
your worth as someone is much more than what your acchievements tells you ; accept yourself as someone who is allowed to feel, to mess up, to regret, to cry, to be successful, to be kind to oneself, to feel and be all of those things and more.
that can be quite hard to do, but look how far you've gotten. you're still here, aren't you? easier said than done, i know. and it won't get easy, not even one bit - but, and i mean it genuinely : you got this. you genuinely got this.
not sure what to say anymore, so i'm just gonna say that i'm here if you wanna talk. my dms are open for you , and i will be there to give my support to you just as much as i can.
<- sincerely, a moot.
...
hey. thanks. /gen
I'm surprised that you even bothered to write out the message. it's odd because I had a weird thought of "they'll just ignore it"/"I want someone to notice this."
I'm still here. Yeah. That is something.
(Holy shit you made me cry with this /gen /pos)
I think I've grown relatively desensitized to people caring about me (not because of them, but because I've truly forgotten what it's like to have someone actually comfort you, especially when said person barely knows you.) but I seriously, seriously appreciate people (like you!) that bother to send me messages like this.
it does help make things better. like- seriously.
(still somewhat in shock because why would anyone care about how I'm doing and take time out of their day to write or do anything for my sake?) but I want to say this did make me feel a lot better. not okay, but a lot better. /gen /pos
be kind to yourself. now hang on a minute didn't I write something literally about this-
oh. i guess i'm just not taking my own advice.
#ghost's smol ask box#ghost vents to the void#for the record: yeah. i do know who you are. most likely.#and i want to thank you. i know i did but thank you. thank you.#my blog is currently titled as “imposter syndrome. stop coming in uninvited.” and it sums it up pretty well#it would be so easy to just tell someone to stop. like snap your fingers and suddenly you can internalize the fact that#you are enough and you deserve everything#but it isn't as easy as just saying it to someone#it's so easy to judge people who have a depleted sense of self-worth from an outsiders perspective#and go: “psh- why is this person bending over backwards to please everyone? they are clearly good enough.”#“all of the validation they could ever get is right there in front of them." (even if it's more complicated than that)#*cough cough*#i might not just be talking about me here. there's a certain someone who this also may or may not apply to (try and guess who)#problem is: even if the whole world tells you that you're good <- highly unlikely you'll still see yourself#as undeserving and worthless and everything inbetween#validation/approval addiction is very much a thing and even at the end of the day you KNOW you can't please everybody#you still try even though it's a lose-lose situation at the end.#oopsies i turned this into rambling lol currently trying to get back to writing on ao3 but i'm contemplating deleting all the things#people might not like or might be sick of.#...OH NO-#did the new episode teach me NOTHING 😭#but i'm being serious. this takes so long to try and untangle. especially when your entire life feels like to please people for your worth#maybe i'll write something about it. idk.#it's really hard to be kind to yourself. but I'm trying. /gen#i wish younger me can hear this. they seriously need this.
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*head in hands* why is it every time i'm randomly like yeah i'll get back into AK it's time for a sad goat time.
#why do bad things keep happening to my goat. haaahhhh....#post: misc#ark1ghts#its good and there are parts i like (whenever executor is onscreen lol) but goddamn does it also not make sense#i dont really get all the internal politics of this country and tbh i just stop reading when they start rambling and throwing around terms#whatever man. there are terrorists. everyone is trying to revive the witch king. government bad. what else is new.#some weirdo is about doing sinister magics. i get it.#ANYWAY! i didn't know executor had an alt... going to be saving for him he's so so cute#Eben is cute as well but he's miserable so i mostly just feel bad whenever i see him#also. this is a me thing. i... don't really get why he's here.#i am a big fan of running away and leaving. stuff sucks? hit the bricks.#why the fuck should you have to face up to the witch kings legacy? who cares. fuck that guy hes dead. leave and never come back#i think Eben just has... stronger moral fibre then i do. i could leave and never think twice about it.#not my responsibility. and even if it is i'll just shirk it who cares. you gotta catch me first suckers#well. i'm only like 4 levels in but i'm tired of reading so i'll get back to it tomorrow *salute*
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Hm. I am getting the distinct feeling that either revanced broke or some apps are doing smth real shitty
#rat rambles#anyways guess who's youtube completely stopped working#It's fine I can watch on browser but it's still very annoying#And the tumblr thing is even more annoying hense why I've been like completely off of tumblr recently#Maybe the universe is telling me to take an Internet break but like I have just been starting to feel a bit better#My family got a new dog the other day btw not relevant to the rest of this post but her name is karla and she's a very anxious doggy#I'm just waiting for laundry rn so that's why I'm posting at all lol#Might have to switch to posting from my laptop soon if things don't get unfucked#Which wouldnt be the end of the world but sure as hell would be annoying#Idk maybe it'll motivate me to finally make a proper blog theme#Idk what Id do for a blog theme tho tbh#An oni theme would be rly fun but it would also probably age poorly (as in the second I get into smth new)#So maybe an oc theme?#That could be fun#Not sure what characters Id use but maybe mascot and/or midas#Idk but chances of me actually doing it anytime soon are slim#Rly if I'm gonna customize anything more it's gonna be my toyhouse page#Oh also good news I'm going to do a pet sitting job for my aunt and uncle at some point#It'll be like 3 weeks I think and I'll be getting paid 700 buckeroos if I'm remembering correctly#I already have a lot of thoughts of how I'm going to spend it even if I should probably try to save at least some of it#There's just a lot of ppl who could use that money more and better than me and I don't wanna be stingy during times like this#I have also might buy like a new game since I've been interested in playing smth new#There has been one game I've been eyeing for a while and I have a mutual who likes it a lot but idk if I'm ready for new blorbos yet#But oldie or whatever her name was calls to me. She tempts me so#I'm open to other game recommendations tho just know that I'm gonna be picky on more story heavy games#Again I'm not exactly on the hunt for new blorbos rn and getting new story hyperfixations is scary to me lol
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i've decided to archive this on ao3. if anyone who speaks chinese would be willing to read this post (& a few other spoilery and explanatory tidbits that are not in the tumblr post) and point out any typos or places where i've misinterpreted something, i would be very grateful! according to my draft on ao3, it is 4.6k words. the majority of it is in the post above, and i would dm you the parts that are not. familiarity with the double is not necessary, though if you want to watch it and haven't yet, be warned that there will be spoilers. please reply to this post if you're interested and i will dm you <3
Jiang Li's family tree and familial terms of address in The Double
I'm making this guide for my own reference because there were several family relationships in The Double that I misinterpreted at first based on how they were translated in the English subs, so I've gone back and compared to the Chinese subs. I'm also hoping it will be helpful to people wanting to write fic in English! What little I know about Chinese terms of address has largely been gleaned from other tumblr users' posts predating this show, and I'll link to my sources.
The only significant potential spoiler is some basic biographical information about Jiang Li’s older sibling, who is not directly mentioned until episode 26 but whose existence can be inferred from the fact that Jiang Li is referred to as Second Lady Jiang.
I am basing all of this solely on the drama, not the novel it was adapted from.
Apologies in advance for any inconsistencies in the pinyin punctuation (hyphen vs. apostrophe vs. space vs. smooshed together); it varies widely across sources and I don't think I have a clear enough understanding of the nuances to be confident I'm being consistent in applying the conventions, but I'm including the hanzi as well as an English translation (if the translation is in quotation marks it’s from the subs, usually Viki but not always). Also apologies if I messed up any of the hanzi. I welcome corrections and insights from those with more knowledge!!
I'm referring to Jiang Li in the present tense here for convenience, but since she's dead for the majority of the show, when I say "Jiang Li calls so-and-so xyz," of course it's almost always actually Xue Fangfei acting as Jiang Li who's doing that.
Each image is of that character's first appearance, when the hanzi for their name is given. The hanzi and any other caption are transcribed in alt text.
Jiang Li
Jiang Li (姜梨), aka Jiang Ruoyu (姜若雨), is the second child and second daughter of Jiang Yuanbai. She’s his only child with his first wife, Ye Zhenzhen.
According to this title card, her given name is Ruoyu and her courtesy name is A'Li (阿梨). This means that in this universe, people are given courtesy names in childhood rather than upon maturity. No one ever calls her or refers to her as Ruoyu that I noticed.
She is 18 or thereabouts (she was sent away from the family 10 years ago at age 8) when she dies at the beginning of the series.
She was accused of fratricide and attempted matricide at age 8 when she was blamed for her stepmother's miscarriage.
Sometimes in the subs she's referred to as the eldest daughter or the firstborn. For instance, when Ji Shuran says in episode 7 梨儿终究是我家嫡女, the Viki subs give "Li'er is the firstborn." Another example is in episode 5; someone in the crowd at Jiang Ruoyao's coming-of-age ceremony refers to Jiang Li as Jiang Yuanbai's 嫡长之女, which Viki translates as "eldest daughter". I think this might be a mistranslation. The character 嫡, di, means "legal wife" or "child of legal wife" and also is one of the characters in the title of the novel The Double was based on, 嫡嫁千金 (Marriage of the Di Daughter). (The other relevant character in the above examples is 女, nü, meaning daughter.) She's not the eldest daughter, but she is the eldest legitimate daughter (born to a legal wife rather than a concubine). In episode 6, Jiang Li refers to herself as 嫡女, and that time it's translated as "legitimate daughter" (Jiang Ruoyao also refers to herself as the same thing in episode 26, and it's "legitimate daughter" there as well). In episodes 26 and 32, Jiang Li is referred to as 姜家的嫡娘子, translated as "legitimate daughter of the Jiang family".
As the second daughter of a noble family, she is referred to outside the family as Jiang-er'niangzi (姜二娘子, “Second Lady Jiang”, or sometimes translated as "Miss Jiang"). Family servants call her niangzi or er’niangzi (translated in direct address as "My Lady" or "Miss Jiang"). (Note that Tong'er calls Jiang Li niangzi but tends to call Xue Fangfei jiejie (姐姐, older sister) when they're alone.)
Her younger sister Jiang Ruoyao and younger cousin Jiang Yu'e call her er'jie (二姐, older sister, second in the birth order; subs translate this as "Second Sister" or, more often, “Li” even though they’re not actually using her name at all) or er'jiejie. Her younger brother Jiang Bingji calls her jiejie; Jiang Ruoyao also sometimes calls her jiejie.
People in her family who are older than her call her A'Li (阿梨]) or Li'er (梨儿). A'Li, according to her title card, is her courtesy name, but "A" and "er" are also affectionate/familiar prefixes often used in families. Most people who call her one of these things (including Xue Fangfei, her paternal family, her mother, and her mom’s friend Liu-furen) call her Li’er, while her maternal family (other than her mother) tends to call her A’Li.
Her paternal grandmother calls her Li'er, haizi (孩子, child), and er’yatou (二丫头, literally second girl). The latter two are generally given in the subs as Li or Li’er.
Her aunt (her father’s younger brother’s wife) calls her wo de hao zhinü (我的好侄女, “my dear niece”) at one point when she's feeling particularly appreciative.
Her older maternal cousin Ye Shijie calls her/refers to her as Jiang Li initially, then as they become closer starts calling her both Li’er and A’Li, though I noticed him using Li’er more often. He also calls her biaomei (表妹, younger female maternal cousin, maternal meaning you're related through your mother and/or her mother; in this case, Jiang Li's mother is his father's sister), as does her other maternal cousin, Ye Jia'er.
Her older paternal cousin Jiang Jingrui calls her Jiang Li. As they become closer, he starts calling her A’Li or Li’er.
Her school friend Liu Xu calls her Jiang Li in the earlier episodes and A'Li as they become closer.
She refers to herself (that is, Xue Fangfei refers to Jiang Li and/or herself-as-Jiang-Li) as Li’er or A'Li.
Note that while some people close to Jiang Li call her A'Li (阿梨), when Su-guogong calls (Xue Fangfei as) Jiang Li A'Li, the Chinese subs use 阿狸 (different "li" character). They are pronounced identically, but the latter is the way that Xue Fangfei’s given name, Xue Li, is written (薛狸).
Paternal family (Jiang jia 姜家)
Parents
Jiang Yuanbai (姜元柏) is the current head of the noble Jiang family and a high-ranking minister in the imperial court.
His title is Jiang-xiangguo 姜相国, translated as "Grand Chancellor" or "Secretariat Director", depending on the subs.
Xiangguo is a more general honorific that is used for some other ministers as well. His position more specifically seems to be zhongshuling (中书令, “Secretariat Director” or “Chief Secretary”) and taishi (太师, “Grand Preceptor”).
The emperor calls him (and other officials) qing (卿, noble, minister). He also refers to him at least once as laoshi (老师, teacher).
Servants call him zhujun (主君, translated as “my lord” in direct address and "master" in reference).
Jiang Li calls him fuqin (父亲, formal term for "father"). I don't think Xue-Fangfei-as-Jiang-Li ever calls him die (爹, less formal term for "father") at any point, but he refers to himself as diedie a couple times.
His brothers call him da’ge (大哥, older brother, first in the birth order). His sister-in-law (Jiang Yuanping's wife) also calls him da'ge.
Jiang Jingrui and Jiang Yu'e call him da’bofu (大伯父, father’s older brother, first in the birth order, "Uncle") or just bofu.
Hi wife Ji Shuran calls him fujun (夫君, husband).
Ye Shijie calls him Jiang-bofu (“Uncle Jiang”) a couple times in the late episodes.
He and his brothers share a generation name (one shared character in the given name of each descendant of the same generation), 元, yuan. However, they don’t appear to have continued the tradition in the next generation, because Jiang Jingrui's and Jiang Bingji's names don't share a character. At first I thought at least the girls' names shared a character, because Jiang Li (whose given name is Ruoyu) and her sister Ruoyao both have 若, Ruo, but their older sister and their uncle’s daughter don’t have that character in their names.
Ye Zhenzhen (叶珍珍) was Jiang Li's mother.
She died when Jiang Li was a baby, at least six months after giving birth.
She was Jiang Yuanbai's furen (夫人), his official wife (as opposed to a concubine).
When Jiang Li talks about her, she refers to her as a'niang (阿娘, mother) or shengmu (生母, birth mother).
Xue Fangfei addresses her as Ye-furen in her head/when praying to her.
Her younger brother Ye Mingyu calls her Zhenzhen-jie (珍珍姐).
Ji Shuran (季淑然) is Jiang Li's stepmother.
She is Jiang Yuanbai's current furen. Jiang Yuanbai married her after Ye Zhenzhen died.
She's over 30 and probably under 40.
She's the mother of Jiang Ruoyao and Jiang Bingji, who call her niang. Jiang Ruoyao sometimes calls her or refers to her as muqin (母亲, formal term for "mother").
She's referred to as Jiang-furen (姜夫人, “Madam Jiang”) by those outside the family (women keep their own surname when they get married, but when honorifics are used, they're attached to the husband's surname). At one point she refers to herself as Jiang jia de zhumu (姜家的主母, "madam of the Jiang family").
Her husband and the family servants call her furen.
Jiang Li calls her muqin. In flashbacks, young Jiang Li calls her niang. She’s sometimes referred to as Jiang Li’s houmu (后母, stepmother).
Consort Li, her younger sister, calls her jiejie.
The Marquis of Ningyuan calls her xiangguo-furen (xiangguo being her husband’s court honorific).
Jiang Jingrui calls her da’bomu (大伯母, wife of da’bofu) and sometimes refers to her as Ji Shuran when talking about her to Jiang Li. Jiang Yu'e calls her bomu ("Auntie Shuran").
Jiang Yuanping, her husband's younger brother, calls her saozi (嫂子, sister-in-law). Jiang Yuanxing, her husband's other younger brother, refers to her as da’sao (大嫂, “Eldest Sister-in-law”).
Before her marriage, as the eldest child/daughter of the Ji family, she was called Ji-da’niangzi.
Paternal grandparents
Jiang Yuanbai's mother is referred to as Jiang-lao'furen (姜老夫人, "old Madam Jiang").
She was Jiang Yuanbai’s father's furen. Her husband also had at least one concubine.
Jiang Li and her siblings and paternal cousins call her zumu (祖母, father's mother, "Grandmother").
Her two biological sons and Jiang Yuanxing, her husband's son from a concubine, call her muqin. Jiang Yuanxing’s wife also calls her muqin.
Members of her household, including servants and her daughters-in-law, refer to her as lao’furen (“Old Madam”). Her daughter-in-law Ji Shuran also addresses her as lao’furen (translated as “Madam Jiang”).
[Not pictured because he never appears onscreen] Jiang Yuanbai's father, who's deceased, is referred to a few times.
Tong’er refers to him as Jiang-lao’taigong (姜老太公, “Old Master Jiang”).
Jiang Li refers to him as zufu (祖父, “Grandfather”).
His widow refers to him as taigong (太公, grandfather, “Old Master Jiang”). She addresses him as lao’Jiang at one point.
Paternal aunts and uncles
Jiang Yuanping (姜元平) is Jiang Yuanbai's younger brother from the same mother and father.
Jiang Li calls him er'shu (二叔, father’s younger brother, second in the birth order; “ Second Uncle Jiang”).
His son Jiang Jingrui calls him die (爹, "Father").
Jiang Yuanping’s wife's surname is Lu (卢).
Jiang Li calls her er'shumu (二叔母, wife of er'shu; “Second Auntie Lu”). Interestingly, all the tumblr guides I’ve seen say the wife of your father’s younger brother would be shenmu, not shumu, but she is clearly saying shu according to the subs, and shumu is in the dictionary.
Her husband Jiang Yuanping calls her furen (translated as "My Lady" or "my dear").
Her son JIang Jingrui calls her niang ("Mother").
Jiang Yuanxing (姜元兴) is Jiang Yuanbai's younger half-brother; they have the same dad, but his mom was their dad's concubine.
Jiang Li calls him san'shu (三叔, father’s younger brother, third in the birth order; “Third Uncle Jiang”).
His daughter Jiang Yu’e calls him die and fuqin.
His eldest brother Jiang Yuanbai calls him Yuanxing and refers to him as Yuanxing and san’di (third younger brother).
He calls himself (and other people call him) shuzi (庶子, bastard, translated as "concubine's son").
A servant calls him 主家 (zhu jia, “Master”).
There’s at least one instance in which he’s referred to outside the family as Jiang jia lao'san (姜家老三, “Third Master Jiang”).
Jiang Yuanxing’s wife's surname is Yang (杨).
Jiang Lu calls her san'shumu (三叔母, wife of san'shu; “Third Auntie Yang”).
Her husband Jiang Yuanxing calls her gunainai (姑奶奶, aunt, translated as “my dear”).
Her daughter Jiang Yu’e calls her niang and muqin.
Her husband’s older brother refers to her as san’mei (三妹, third younger sister; in context, he’s talking about both her and her husband and says “san’di san’mei”, translated as “Yuanxing and his wife”).
Siblings
Jiang Yue (姜月) is Jiang Yuanbai’s oldest child and Jiang Li’s older sister. She was born to a maid (so, not the furen). This means that while she is the oldest child, she's not the oldest "legitimate" child.
She’s not directly mentioned until episode 26, so I won’t say anything else about her, to avoid spoilers.
Jiang Ruoyao (姜若瑶) is Ji Shuran's oldest child, Jiang Li's younger sister, and the third child and third daughter of Jiang Yuanbai.
She can't be much younger than Jiang Li, possibly two years younger at most would be my guess? I can't remember if they ever say her age. She has a coming of age ceremony in one of the early episodes.
Her parents call her Yao’er.
Her older sister Jiang Li calls her san'mei (三妹, literally "third younger sister", which refers to her position in the birth order as the third daughter of the Jiang family, rather than meaning that she's the third youngest of Jiang Li's younger sisters (Jiang Li only has one younger sister), translated as "Third Sister").
Her younger paternal cousin Jiang Yu’e calls her san’jie (三姐, older sister, third in the birth order, translated as “Third Sister”).
Her paternal grandmother calls her Ruoyao and san’yatou (三丫头, literally "third girl").
Those outside the family call her Jiang-san'niangzi (姜三娘子, “Third Lady Jiang”). Family servants call her niangzi or san’niangzi.
Jiang Bingji (姜丙吉) is Ji Shuran's second child, Jiang Li's younger brother, and the fourth child and only son of Jiang Yuanbai.
He was born after Ji Shuran’s miscarriage (source: he refers to the fetus as gege (哥哥, older brother), meaning it would have been born before him). This means he’s less than 10 years old, since the miscarriage/Jiang Li’s exile was 10 years ago.
Jiang Li doesn't have a lot of interaction with him, but in his intro she calls him didi (弟弟, little brother).
His parents call him Bingji and his paternal grandmother calls him Bingji or xiao’Bingji (小, xiao, is a diminutive meaning "young" or "small").
Family servants call him xiao'gongzi (小公子, "Young Master").
Paternal cousins
Jiang Jingrui (姜景睿) is Jiang Yuanping's son.
Xue Fangfei calls him tangxiong (堂兄, older paternal male cousin, i.e., son of father’s brother, older than her) the first time they meet, which causes him to accuse her of not being Jiang Li because it's too formal. Jiang Yu’e also calls him tangxiong.
Jiang Li's childhood nickname for him was xiao'Ruirui (小睿睿). In the present she mostly calls him Jiang Jingrui.
His parents call him Rui’er.
Liu Xu refers to him as Jiang Li’s gege (哥哥, older brother). He refers to himself as gege when telling Jiang Li to listen to him.
Those outside the family call him Jiang-gongzi (姜公子, “Mr. Jiang”). Tong’er calls him da’langjun (大郎君, “Young Master”).
Jiang Yu'e (姜玉娥) is Jiang Yuanxing's daughter.
She has a lower position in the family because her dad's mom was not the furen but a concubine.
Her parents call her nü’er (女儿, daughter) and Yu’e.
Her paternal grandmother refers to her as si’yatou (四丫头, literally "fourth girl") and Yu’e.
She and Jiang Li refer to each other (and others refer to them) as sisters (Jiang Li calls her si'mei (四妹, younger sister, fourth in the birth order, "Fourth Sister") and she calls Jiang Li er'jie), but they're actually cousins; their dads are brothers.
Jiang Jingrui also calls her si’mei.
As the fourth daughter of the Jiang family (though again, not the fourth daughter of Jiang Yuanbei; she's the fourth girl born to the previous generation of Jiang sons), I think prior to her marriage she would be addressed by those outside the family as Jiang-si’niangzi (姜四娘子, “Fourth Lady Jiang”), but I can't remember if we see any examples of this.
After she gets married, servants call her furen or niangzi.
Jiang family servants
Tong’er (桐儿) is Jiang Li’s maid.
Sun-mama (孙妈妈, “senior maidservant Sun” or "Madam Sun") is Ji Shuran’s maid.
Ji Shuran calls her Jindai (锦黛) at least once. Perhaps this is her given name?
[Not pictured because I never saw a title card for her] Zhang-popo (张婆婆, “maidservant Zhang”) is Jiang-lao’furen’s maid.
[Not pictured because I never saw a title card for her] Jinhua (金花) is Jiang Ruoyao’s maid.
Maternal family (Ye jia 叶家)
Maternal grandmother
Ye Zhenzhen’s mother is referred to as Ye-lao’furen (叶老夫人, “Old Madam Ye” or “Old Mrs. Ye”).
Jiang Li calls her wai’zumu (外祖母, mother’s mother, “Grandmother”).
Ye Jia’er calls her zumu (祖母, father's mother, "Grandmother").
Her son Ye Mingxuan refers to her as lao’furen and calls her muqin.
Her son Ye Mingyu calls her and refers to her as niang.
Her daughter-in-law, Ye Mingxuan's wife, refers to her as lao’taitai (老太太, literally “old lady”, translated as “Old Madam”).
Maternal aunts and uncles
[Not pictured because he never appears onscreen] Ye Zhenzhen's oldest brother, who is deceased, is mentioned, though not by name. He is Ye Shijie's father.
Since his brothers share the first character in their names (明, ming), it seems like they might have a generation name, so it’s likely his name also began with that character.
His younger brother Ye Mingyu refers to him and his wife as da’ge da’sao (大哥大嫂, oldest brother and wife of oldest brother, translated as “my brother and his wife”).
Ye Mingxuan (叶明轩) is Ye Zhenzhen's brother, the second oldest son in the family.
Ye Mingxuan’s older brother and father are dead, making him the current head of the family.
Jiang Li calls him er'jiu (二舅, mother’s brother, second in the birth order, translated as "Second Uncle").
It’s unclear if he’s Ye Zhenzhen’s older or younger brother. It's impossible to tell from what Jiang Li calls him, because the term for a mother’s brother is the same whether the brother is older or younger than the mother (舅, jiu). I don’t think there are any flashbacks in which Ye Zhenzhen talks to or about him. And we can infer that the birth order terms used for the men in this family do not include the women, because we know Ye Mingyu, who is referred to as third uncle and so must be the third son, actually must be the fourth child overall (assuming there aren't any other Ye daughters), because Ye Zhenzhen calls him younger brother, which means he has three older siblings (the two sons who are older than him, plus Ye Zhenzhen). So we know that Ye Mingxuan is second in the birth order of sons specifically, but he could have one or more older sisters as well.
His wife calls him er’lang (二郎; er is “two” or “second” and lang is “young man” or “husband” (the “second” refers to his birth order, not to him being her second husband; presumably he’s her only husband); translated as “Mingxuan”).
His daughter Ye Jia'er calls him die.
His younger brother Ye Mingyu calls him er’ge (二哥, second older brother, translated as "Mingxuan").
Ye Shijie refers to him as er'shu (二叔, father's younger brother, second in the birth order).
Family servants and the clerk in the family shop refer to him as zhuren (主人, “Master Ye”).
Ye Mingxuan's wife’s surname is Zhuo (卓).
Jiang Li calls her er’jiumu (二舅母, wife of er’jiu).
Her husband calls her furen (夫人, translated as “my dear” or “darling”).
Family servants call her furen or er’furen (夫人, "Madam").
Governor Tong calls her furen (夫人, "Madam").
Her husband’s younger brother Ye Mingyu refers to her as er’sao (二嫂, wife of er'ge).
Her daughter Ye Jia’er calls her niang.
Ye Mingyu (叶明煜) is Ye Zhenzhen's younger brother, the third oldest son in the family.
Jiang Li calls him san'jiu (三舅, mother’s brother, third in the birth order, translated as "Third Uncle").
In his flashback of Ye Zhenzhen getting married, she calls him san’di (三弟, third younger brother, meaning younger brother who’s the third son; it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s the third of her younger brothers. She does have three brothers, but it’s possible one or both of the other two are older than her; see above).
His older brother Ye Mingxuan calls him san’di (三弟, third younger brother, translated as “Mingyu”) and Ye-lao’san (叶老三, lao as in old, san as in three; translated as “Mingyu”) when he’s being annoying.
His older brother’s wife calls him san’di.
His mother calls him erzi (儿子, son).
Ye Jia’er calls him san’shu (三叔, father’s younger brother, third in the birth order).
Jiang Jingrui calls him san’jiu. Jiang Jingrui is not actually related to him, but san’jiu is what Jiang Jingrui’s paternal cousin Jiang Li calls him.
The clerk in his family’s store calls him san’lang (三郎, “Third Master”).
Official Zhu calls him Ye-lao’ban (叶老板).
Maternal cousins
Ye Shengxuan (叶圣宣), courtesy name Shijie (世杰), is the son of the oldest (now deceased) son of the previous generation of the Ye family.
Jiang Li calls him biaoge (表哥, older male maternal cousin) and refers to him as Ye-biaoge. At one point after they know each other very well, he refers to himself as Jiang Li’s gege (older brother), and she calls him ge. Jiang Jingrui refers to him as Jiang Li’s biaoxiong (表兄, another term for an older male maternal cousin) at least once.
Jiang Yuanbai says that Jiang Li and Ye Shijie are around the same age and refers to them as xiongmei (兄妹, brother and sister), which Viki translates as “cousins”.
Jiang Jingrui calls him Shijie, or (similar to how he calls Ye Mingyu san'jiu because that's what Jiang Li calls him) Ye-biaoge or just biaoge (表哥).
Ye Jia’er calls him tangge (堂哥, older male paternal cousin, translated as “Shijie”).
His aunt, Ye Mingxuan’s wife, refers to him as Shijie. So does his uncle Jiang Yuanbai (his father’s sister’s husband).
A family servant calls him da’langjun (大郎君), translated by Viki as “Young Master”.
Social inferiors or people who are being polite call him Ye-gongzi (叶公子) or Ye-langjun (叶郎君), both translated as “Mr. Ye”.
His classmate Liu Xu calls him Ye-langjun. Some other students call him Ye-xiong (叶兄, brother Ye).
After he’s appointed a position in court, a palace servant calls him Ye-yuanwai (叶员外), translated by Viki as "Mr. Ye". Ji Shuran also calls him Ye-yuanwai, translated as “Official Ye”.
Ye Jia’er (叶嘉儿) is Ye Mingxuan's daughter.
Jiang Li calls her/refers to her as biaojie (表姐, term for an older female cousin when you’re related through one or both of your mothers), Jia’er-biaojie (嘉儿表姐), or Jia'er-jie (嘉儿姐; the “er” is part of her given name, rather than the “er” meaning “second”).
Her parents and her uncle Ye Mingyu call her Jia'er.
The clerk in the family store calls her Jia’er-niangzi (嘉儿娘子). This is also what Tong'er calls her.
Family servant A'Fu calls her Jia'er-jie. Other family servants call her niangzi.
Ye family servants and employees
[Not pictured because I didn't see a title card for her] Li-mama (李妈妈, “Madam Li”) is Ye-furen's maid.
[Not pictured because I didn't see a title card for him] A'Fu (阿福) is a servant in Ye Mingxuan's household.
[Not pictured because I didn't see a title card for him] A'Shun (阿顺) is Ye Mingyu's servant.
[Not pictured because I didn't see a title card for him] The clerk at the family shop is called Qian-zhanggui (钱掌柜, shopkeeper Qian, “Mr. Qian”).
#i just made this guide for myself and i think it is helpful for people like me (who don't speak chinese but have watched several cdramas#and paid close attention to family terms and fandom guides about family terms written by chinese speakers#and who find it really jarring in english fics when everybody just calls each other by their names even though that is not what#they are calling each other in chinese...#but again who crucially personally do not actually speak chinese and/or have personal experience being part of a chinese family#and therefore cannot speak from any place of actual expertise)#i'm not sure how many of those people exist or are likely to read this on ao3 or care about it. lol#but if i went around only doing things that matter to other people where would that get me?#so i was going to put this on ao3 and just be like ummm maybe everyone take this with a huge grain of salt#but then i remembered that there is this thing called 'betaing'#which i have never asked anyone to do before. not having written very much fic myself#and it occurred to me i could just see if someone would be willing to do that#and if no one is then i will post it anyway with the grain of salt warning because apparently ao3 deletes drafts after 30 days??? lol#like mostly i am just recording what people call each other‚ getting the hanzi from the chinese subs‚ and writing down the sub translation#but then i'm also providing some interpretation in the form of things like#'san'mei means third younger sister but it doesn't mean the person has three younger sisters#it means the person has at least one younger sister and that younger sister is third in the overall birth order'#and that's where i'm always like. but what if i've horribly misrepresented this though#also if you are a chinese speaker but don't feel like you have a great handle on family terms it would still be super helpful#if you just want to look over it and be like 'oh you copy-pasted the hanzi for ge here instead of di' or whatever!#because i do NOT know how to type hanzi. so i copy-pasted EVERYTHING#and that is really easy to mess up i think! ok i'll stop rambling now mwah byeee
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((question: I realize I can make carterio canon for Carter's main verse as well as the ikau by saying she and Quentin were together while she was in college, but then they broke up pre-aou or just after. Do y'all think that could be something that'd work or just leave it as an alt-main during iw/eg?
#ground control (ooc)#((I'm at a stall with the rewrite rn because I'm weighing out some ideas I've had before but either got rid of (for some reason)#or placing more importance to (like including her lessons with music and art when she was younger)#and I'm trying to figure out a way to make a summarized version since I feel like I'm getting too detailed#but after that is where I'm debating on if I should leave as is or make some changes#and I feel like it could work with carterio - though I'd make adjustments according to his character#and I'd probably finally watch ffh again to get a better feel lol#but I figured I'd ask since I'm on the fence about this and don't really have a strong feeling either way#so other opinions would help! and again I'd make adjustments to the situation if I go this way although it's still gonna be toxic#because Quentin is a toxic person imo - he's absolutely interesting as a character and I love that he's a diva lol#but also because there's nothing wrong with writing characters who are terrible people and stay terrible - like Obadiah#but also it's fun exploring other ideas like that one anon had for the ikau au of carterio!#plus it'd actually give Carter more incentive to not say anything about their relationship to Tony#since I'm sure Quentin would've also dated her then to try and increase his chances getting a job at SI#and she wouldn't want to ruin that/take away that chance from him despite him hurting her#I will say I actually might go with them dating in college in the ikau before breaking up and then getting back together like I have now#but anyway - I'm gonna stop rambling bc I know there's a tag limit dsfghkjdfshj#I'll sleep on it and think about it a bit more - but I'd love y'all's two cents!))
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" ˋ꒰ pinky promise ꒱ " - ft. choi seungcheol
[ nsfw post! minors please do not interact. there are many other posts on my and other’s blogs which are much more suitable for your consumption! ]
syn. nothing gets to cheol like a pinky promise
a/n. OMG SECOND FIC IN THE LAST MONTH??? SORLAWONI LOOK AT YOU GO???? gusy i love seugncheol i wanted to write more of this but it was getting too long so i cut out the part where seungcheol jr comes in and i put it in another fic LOL
cw. fingering, orgasm denial, vvv teasing dom!cheol, vvv subby!reader, daddy kink, praise, petnames (princess), ermm i think thats it but lmk if i missed anything!
wc. 0.8k
"b-but you promised i could cum-" you mindlessly rambled into your sleeve, your body twitching with pleasure all over as seungcheol rammed his three thick digits in and out of you rapidly, having you choking on your own breath as you struggled for air, "a-after i took my p-punishment..!"
he only scoffed in response to your choked out reasoning, his ruthless movements clearly showing no sign of stopping, "oh, and remind me what you promised me, princess?"
you felt tears pricking at your eyes, your cheeks heating up from bashfulness as he slowed his movements, now curling his fingers up into your core, edging you for what felt like the millionth time tonight.
with his other hand he grabbed your chin between his two fingers, looking into your eyes, "i asked you a question."
you sniffled through the flooding tears which grooved along your pink waterline, "i-i promised i would s-stop being a brat..." you whimpered softly.
"hmm, that's right." seungcheol responded in his deep, earthy voice, "it doesn't feel nice when someone doesn't keep their promise to you, does it princess?"
you shook your head and bit your bottom lip, "n-no daddy.." you said, voice coming in sharp shards as his thumb came up to rub at your clit, sending shockwaves of bliss through your veins. you blinked hard at some tears as they rolled down your cheeks, "i'm s-sorry..."
"awh, you're sorry?" he pouted mockingly in response to you, but with your fuzzy head now, you really couldn't tell that he was ridiculing you.
you nodded your head quickly, the tears in your eyes webbing into your lashes, "i'll b-be a good girl... p-pinky promise..!" you babbled, your words only slurring together as your fogged up brain seemed to fall into another level of dumbness.
seungcheol only chuckled lowly at this, "pinky promise?" he repeated, clearly amused at just how fucked out he had gotten you, to the point that you were beginning to lose your own mind. "well, there's no arguing with that, is there princess?" he teased at you, his fingers seemed to suddenly speed up in fluidity.
your mouth only fell agape, eyes rolling back and head lulling to the side as your back arched off of the mattress at the feeling. his thick, long digits filling you all the way to the brim, his fingertips rubbing over your hilt in a way so pleasureful, you could see stars in your blurry vision. your hand gripped tightly onto his shirt as you looked up at him, your eyes glistening with tears as the moonlight from the window nearby shone in on your pretty little convulsing figure on the bed.
"d-daddy, c-an i-?" the rest of the sentence caught in your throat as you looked up at him with pleading eyes.
usually, he'd use this opportunity to tease you into a farther away dimension of overstimulations, asking the annoying questions like, 'can you what, princess?' so that he could watch your quiver and writhe until you were sobbing into the satin of your pillowcase, begging for your climax like a helpless little damsel.
but you'd been punished by a fair amount tonight, and he was feeling generous. he kissed your forehead gently and nodded his head, "let go for me, princess."
and let go you did, gushing around his fingers, a choked cry leaving you as your entire body trembled with delectation, your eyes shutting tightly as tears escaped down your temples. your soft, yet sharp whimpers made him smirk as you held tightly onto him, as if he were all you knew.
"that's it princess... good girl," he murmured as he leaned in to kiss you. he pulled out his digits, rubbing them over your sensitive heat in gentle circles to help ride you out as you came down from your high, panting heavily against the feel of his mouth.
once you had soothed, he looked down at you with a warning stare, "this is the last time i'm letting you get away with it, okay? if you misbehave again... you're in trouble."
that was what he had told you last time. and the time before that. and the time before that. every time, he'd bent. his soft spot for you was just too deep for his own good. the both of you knew that his threats meant nothing, but you looked up at him innocently and batted your eyelashes anyway, nodding your head.
he sighed softly and kissed your cheek, "you're gonna be the death of me one day..." he muttered, closing his eyes for a brief moment, before looking back to you, "come on, let's get cleaned up. i'll cook dinner."
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cw: a weird vent piece lol, suicide mention, no quirks au, mentally ill reader
You always fuck with your shirt on. You'd wear more, if you could, but you haven't figured out how to do it with your pants on yet.
You pull the sheets over your sweat chilled legs and hope he didn't notice the spots you missed shaving. If he did, Natsuo doesn't seem to mind. His arm is tucked under your head, muscle fibers occasionally twitching underneath you and turning the soft mass dense.
Sometimes, Natsuo keeps his shirt on too. Neither of you have ever asked the other about it; there's a mutual understanding when a hand is stopped.
"Do you work tonight?" he asks.
You shake your head as his body relaxes deeper into the mattress.
"I'm gonna do laundry if you want to throw your stuff in," he mumbles, "I'll get you junk to sleep in."
The medical textbooks he was studying are still on the floor, flipped to random pages of different cycles and tissues, abandoned in exchange for you. If Natsuo fails his midterms, it'll be your fault. If he passes, he'll be leaving the city next semester for his hospital rotations.
Part of you wants him to fail. It's that dirty, evil part that no one else seems to have, the part you try to starve, but it keeps growing anyway. It nips at you whenever the room gets too quiet.
It's teeth are extra sharp today.
"You're so sweet." You speak into his skin, "I don't know how you're still single."
A sharp inhale is sucked through his teeth, cutting through his smile. Natsuo takes in all of your features and you know he's wondering why you're saying these things-- why you're purposefully bringing this up.
"Well, sweetie-" His tone is light, like he's avoiding stepping on glass, stepping on glass. With every word, he walks his fingers on your arm, spanning from elbow to shoulder, "I'm only single because you keep turning me down."
The overhead fan whizzes. The part you try to starve sinks its teeth into your chest.
"Natsuo, we've talked about this," you say, "I don't date."
You sit up and swing a leg over him, straddling his hips. A trail of white hair runs down his stomach and down under the sheets, disappearing where the two of you meet. He holds you by the hem of your tee, just tight enough to hold you in place.
"Would it be so bad?" he whispers.
"Here's what would happen, alright?" You brush your fingers through his sweat touched hair and it bounces right back into place the second you pull away. It makes you giggle a bit and he mirrors you, an unsure, foolish optimism in his eyes, "Let's just say I met this wonderful, beautiful boy and tricked-"
"Tricked?" he scoffs.
"Tricked him into loving me." You want to kiss him, but it feels cruel for both of you. Instead, you just cup his jaw in your hands and cradle him, letting the weight of him slump into your palms, "He'd treat me right and bring me home to meet his parents, 'cause he was raised right and, even though he's really smart, he'd think he's in love."
Fingers squeeze at your hips.
"But the second I left, his parents would tell him that he deserves someone prettier and smarter and, and, and better," you say, "And they'd be right."
“My mom’s nice," He drops your pretense with a whisper, ruining your not so careful charade. “She wouldn’t say that.”
He doesn’t mention his dad. There’s a silent sentence there. One that says, “But he might.” It’s hard to keep your brain from sticking to that point, from sticking your thumb into this metaphorical soft spot.
“I mean, she wouldn’t say it out loud, but she’d think it," you say, “She’d sit there and think ‘that girl's not good enough for my son' and she'd be right."
He scoff he lets out is uneasy, almost a songed laugh, more pained than annoyed. "My mom is nice."
This conversation is hurting him, but you can't stop yourself.
"And they'd tell you to break up with me, but you wouldn't listen to them, 'cause you're head strong like that. You'd probably date me in spite of them for while," you ramble, "But then you'd go away and you'd meet some pretty, normal girl and you'd realize they were right. They were always right. I was right."
The overhead fan whizzes.
"So, it's better if I just don't date at all,"
Natsuo's grip dissolves and you think you see it then - the moment whatever is between you dies. A hollowness passes over his features, empty eyes and sucked cheeks, as he ducks his head down to rest his face against your chest. Chin against the soft of your tits, he seems farther away than ever.
You could gloat. You could cry. You're a self-fulfilling prophecy once again.
Natsuo sighs and his words slip so easily from him that you almost don't process what he's saying. "You're so sad. I wish you'd get help."
That catches you off guard. The control over this conversation is ripped away, your curtain drops, and you suddenly feel very, horribly seen.
"What?" You try to laugh it off, leaning back to escape the way he watches you.
"Sometimes I wake up and you're not here," he says, "And I worry that's the last time I'll ever see you."
You understand the implication.
"I'm not gonna kill myself." It might be the truth, you think.
"Yeah," His arms wrap around your waist again, snaking the air from your lungs, "Touya promised me that too."
Touya is only ever mentioned over too many beers and tears you're not allowed to remember the next morning. He was only 16, only a couple years older than Natsuo, but the ghosts still linger to this day, always tucked into the back of the room, stalking, haunting.
Natsuo comes from money and fame. His apartment is paid for by his father. He's never had to work to afford food. At first, you resented him for that; you wanted that ease and safety his family afforded him.
But everything comes at a cost. Every unhappy family is unhappy in there own ways.
"I'm sorry that you keep loving things that break." That is the truth. You're just the end of a line of his mistakes, starting all the way at mom and dad and trailing through every girlfriend ever since.
"I do love you. And it's not despite the fact you're 'broken'," Natsuo takes your hand with a resounding firmness. It reminds you of that thing they say about golden retrievers; the smart ones can hold an egg in their jaws without shattering the shell. Natsuo holds you like he understands you in some deep, intrinsic way, "Or because of it or whatever."
He doesn't look away, those bright, wide eyes bluer than ever.
"I just like all your little pieces." He kisses your knuckles one by one, trailing from thumb to pinkie to thumb again.
The room is silent. The bad part of you is no longer begging to eat. Maybe it's full for now, but you know it's just out of focus, stalking in the dark, biding its time.
"You should study." You slip from him and reclaim your own space in the bed. After a long, simple pause, Natsuo gets up himself, collecting his boxers from the floor.
"Yeah," he says, "You're right."
The hurt you've caused is no longer comfortable to live in. Your mouth is dry, thirsty for a change you're not sure how to make. Recovery feels like a big leap-- loving and being loved feels every farther away.
All you can do is shuffle your feet against the sheets and take the tiniest step towards normalcy.
"Do you want to get brunch tomorrow before your classes?" you offer your olive branch, your silent promise, "I'll pay."
He weighs this, measuring it for sincerity, then smiles just wide enough your get a glimpse of teeth.
"Let me get you something to sleep in."
For now, it's enough.
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